#yes my atiny soul is here and it's back full fledged

[tuliptic]

Guerilla: Break The Wall

Hi I’m back for a short while before I disappear to focus on life. I guess? Idk. But yeah, here’s something that I’ve worked on and I’m happy with how this turned out!

What walls of expectations do I need to break? What unhealthy habits do I need to fight so that I can be my very best self?

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: “What walls do I need to break for me to be a better version of me?” Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1    -     Pile 2

Pile 3    -     Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.

Pile 1

Card of querent: The Emperor

You’re probably someone who has been fighting through life. A definite fighter. You’ve been acting on your passions and dreams, and have been fighting and charging towards your goals. There’s also a sense of pain? A sense of loneliness. You’ve been struggling and fighting towards your goals that you’ve lost sight of the people around you, and you ended up being alone. You’re the emperor, but you also have no one by your side, only your throne with you.

1. What negative/unhelpful expectations do I have towards myself? - The Magician

I see that you have huge expectations of yourself. You kinda wanna be Jack of All Trades, and Master of All. You’ve been wanting to master all aspects of life, like the financial aspect, career satisfaction, relationship happiness, etc. Lemme clarify once again, you do not want to only have satisfaction in these aspects of life, but you want to master them, to excel in them, to gain a certain reputation in it. You’ve been wanting to achieve it and to manifest your dreams, and you wanted more of that something than you need. And this expectation has been wearing you out.

2. How have those expectations been holding me back? - Queen of Cups rx

Wearing you out is one thing, but most of all, it’s been making you lose touch with yourself, lose touch with those around you. You have spent time fighting the outer world, and ignoring your inner world. You have been distancing yourself from your heart, your home. You have not been nurturing yourself, your inner child has been pushed away by you to achieve whatever that you have wanted. You feel as though you’re unable to return to your roots, return to where your heart resides. It’s as though you’ve been squeezed dry.

3. Why should I break those walls of expectations? - Justice rx

To do yourself justice, to return to the balance that needs to be maintained, to have a clearer, healthier way of thinking. Instead of seeing a balance of the mind, I’m seeing more on the balance of action. What you do to yourself, what you do to others, and the consequences as well as the results coming out from them. The scales in this card reminds me of… If I recall correctly, the afterworld in Egyptian mythology, where your actions/heart is weighed against the feather. That. I just went and checked that the feather symbolises truth and justice. You’re called to think more about your actions.

4. How do I break those walls? - Six of Swords

By exploring. You’re called to explore the different thoughts, the different cognitive behaviours. I have a feeling that this is gonna be more psychology-ish, where you explore to understand yourself better. To see what helps you and what doesn’t, and you leave those that don’t help you behind, travel forward with what helps you. The journey of exploration will only begin when you follow your inner passion, where you honour your inner child’s grace. With that, only you’ll learn to set eyes on other things as you move forward.

5. How do I tune into my feelings? - Five of Wands

Understanding and unwinding the cords of conflict may sound difficult but these are necessary. There are a lot of emotions that you need to unbox, to sort them out, to understand them individually. It’s like… Understanding why this thing is a trigger, understanding why you’re having this particular emotion, understanding why things happen, understanding how to deal with things that are out of your control, and all that. There are a lot of noises in your head, and those thoughts are fighting with each other. It’s difficult to deal with it but it’s not impossible. And most of all, it’s necessary. You’ll need to fight this through. It may sound like a long journey, but the time will pass anyway. And who knows, the good things will come to you sooner than you think.

6. What happens when I welcome the world with my new found feelings? - Temperance rx

This is another card that symbolises balance. When you’re able to welcome the world with your new found feelings, you’ll be able to regain the balance that was once lost. You’ll be able to ride along the waves and head to a new direction. It’s like… the clouds obstructing the sun have been moved and you’re able to see it clearly. That’s the same with how you look at your future, the world. The dark clouds are gone and you see your future, your world with a new found light, to still be yourself even when you’ve changed.

Overall energy: Wheel of Fortune, Ten of Cups rx

I’m seeing that this is a change that you’ll need to go through. If you go through it willingly, if you yourself made the decision to change yourself for the better, you’ll be granted the ability to go through them easier as compared to having changes being thrown onto you. There’s an emotional conflict and discomfort that you’re going through right now and in a sense, it’s telling you to make the necessary changes so that you can align yourself better. Connect with your inner child through fun and play, let your inner child guide you through. There’s a huge theme of a brighter future with a new you, so have faith and welcome the new you coming through.

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Pile 2

Card of querent: The Hierophant

For some reason, I’m seeing you as someone who’s private. You are the type who doesn’t share the bright and dark side of your life to people, unless those close to you ask about it. If they don’t ask, you won’t say a thing. I’m seeing two different groups of introverts here: one’s an introvert naturally, where you’ve been quiet and hang out only with a few friends; and the other group is the one that used to be shut down for quite a long time in your life, resulting in you learning to suppress your feelings and emotions (I have a feeling that most of y’all will be in the second group). There’s some sort of heavy energy that has been suppressing you.

1. What negative/unhelpful expectations do I have towards myself? - The Hermit

That you have to be quiet, that you have to burn yourself to warm others, that others are of a higher priority than yourself. Not gonna lie, you’ve been treating yourself harshly and have not been healing yourself. You’ve been used to helping others, and some of you may have people pleasing tendencies, where you help others at the expense of yourself. Some people are appreciative and grateful to what you’ve done for them, while most have been feeding off you. As time went on, the negativity grew on you but you’re afraid of cutting ties. You’re unable to clear your mind and regenerate your spirit anew.

2. How have those expectations been holding me back? - Wheel of Fortune

These unhealthy expectations have been denying the entrance of good things into your life. See, there’s so much potential and good things in life. But it won’t come to you if you keep passing them to other people. Good luck has been wanting to go to you, Fate wanted to change your course for the better. But due to the expectations you have for yourself, you’ve built a wall, a barricade to stop and block them from coming to you. With this going on, you’ve been unable to invite the good things into your life. 

3. Why should I break those walls of expectations? - King of Wands rx

You’ve been through the ups and downs of life, and have adopted a warm, kind and understanding persona. However, there may be a certain anger in you that has been slowly eating you up. Something in you that’s slowly burning up your core beliefs, your inner kindness. If those walls of expectations are not taken down, you’ll be burnt inside your castle. You’ll need to act, find your passion and dreams and break out from the place you’ve built around yourself. I’m feeling two things from this question: feeling like my insides have been scrunched up badly, and extreme emptiness. These would be the outcome if the walls of expectations are not taken down.

4. How do I break those walls? - Ace of Swords

Clarify the necessary expectations you need to let go. Know that you wield the sword to cut down the thorns that have been covering and hurting your heart. You may be injured during the process of struggling, but it’s necessary and doable. Know that you are blessed as each step you take will bring you to the freedom you’ve wanted, know that the abundance in life is coming to you as you leave the place that no longer nurtures you. Once you’ve clarified the necessary, take action. Cut them down swiftly. 

5. How do I tune into my feelings? - Six of Wands

Let yourself be proud of what you hold, what you’ve been through. Take hold of your achievement, let yourself shine through. You’ve been pushing the good things to others. Now it’s time for you to accept them, to acknowledge them. Let yourself be the spotlight occasionally. You really gotta take things into your own hands and feel the satisfaction yourself. Slowly build up your confidence as it is gonna be one of the greatest assets you hold. It’s difficult, coming from someone with an inferiority complex. But it’s achievable. Be kind to yourself and take baby steps to build yourself up into a brighter you.

6. What happens when I welcome the world with my new found feelings? - King of Pentacles rx

You’ll be able to nurture yourself more, slowly letting yourself out to explore the various opportunities and chances. Happiness and success are built from various achievements and you’re slowly getting there, realising that the self has great values. You’ll slowly cultivate a positive yet humble attitude, growing to explore yourself and what you are bound to achieve.

It’s like betting everything to show that there are things that only you can do, and you strive for it. Instead of saying that you can’t do something, you’ve learnt to try it out first. Luck will follow you as you step out into the new paths, finding and meeting the new you in the future.

Overall energy: The Fool, The Hanged Man

I’m seeing that there will be an opportunity for you to get this sort of self revelation, to go on this new journey of self realisation. You have to confront your demons, your fears, your shadow side, and let your heart be opened to love as it manifests into the world. Know that there are people around you who are willing to help you, and your inner child who promised you to walk through this journey together. Your voice may be soft at first, but let yourself grow, let yourself shout out and break the walls around you with your vigour.

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Pile 3

Card of querent: The Sun

Straight off I'm feeling the vibe of an activist. There’s probably a fiery side in you where you tend to focus on the good in life, the good in people. You want to shine, shed warmth to those who are in need of them, want to help people in their weakest time. For some reason I’m thinking of Princess Diana? Like… She helps and yet she shines. She knows the strength and her fame, and she uses them for the well-being of the minorities. Kinda energy. The Sun here isn’t scorching, isn’t blazing. It’s warm, gentle, and comforting. This is what I’m getting from this card.

1. What negative/unhelpful expectations do I have towards myself? - Queen of Pentacles rx

If you identify as a woman, I feel that you may have expected yourself to be a femme fatale kinda character, being the boss bitch, won’t wanna let anyone tie you down. And with that, I’m also feeling that you’ve wanted to be financially free and this manifests in the sense where you’ll be impatient with yourself when you can’t achieve it. I’m also seeing that you’ve been looking for the meaning of life, and I’m also seeing/feeling some unhappiness from this when whatever you find doesn’t seem to align with what you expected. If you don’t identify as a woman, you probably will want to embody the bad bitch energy and may end up pushing people away from you. Suddenly have the thought of like... You’re strong that’s why you can be alone. Kinda mentality. I hope I’m making sense here.

2. How have those expectations been holding me back? - Five of Cups rx

It has blocked you from seeing beyond the walls, from experiencing new things as you quickly shut them down when you don’t like it or when you think it doesn’t align with yourself. There are better things that are waiting for you beyond the wall, but I’m seeing stubbornness here as well. There are many opportunities in life’s challenges, but instead of learning those lessons, you’ve chosen violence in the sense where the anger and grief is redirected at yourself, and sometimes towards the outer world, creating an imbalance in your heart.

3. Why should I break those walls of expectations? - The Moon rx

There’s a lot of messages on alignment that I’m getting from this pile. You’ve been through a lot of traumatising events, a lot of tension ever since you were a child and it had all made you a… Mess (the severity of it differs according to each individual). The path of healing gets much more difficult as you let time pass, so it’s best if you take charge and make the necessary changes now. There are many old, limiting beliefs, and one of them that I’m seeing is that you may feel that you’re not deserving of love. You need to surrender and throw them aside, so that you can be reborned into the limitless possibilities out there. 

4. How do I break those walls? - Seven of Swords

Work smart, not hard. I’m not sure how you can work smart with healing as it takes time, but I’m also seeing something like… Replacing? For example, replacing certain thoughts with another action. There may be times where you’d yell out in frustration and throw things when you’ve reached a certain point. Replace that with maybe…. Counting? Counting in various languages to calm yourself down. Rewire your brain and action, condition yourself. I hope I’m making sense here. 

5. How do I tune into my feelings? - Six of Cups

Emotional satisfaction is one thing I’m seeing as you’re called to reconnect with your inner child. There’s some form of recollection? Like, remembering the past to affirm yourself in the present. There’s a lot of anger I’m sensing in your current phase and that you’re called to remember the past, to remember the nice and not so nice things that have happened to you, telling yourself that you’ve worked hard and did your best despite all that had happened to you, that you’re doing a good job even when you’re walking on this lonely path, that you’ve sustained yourself and held on to the light and prayers you’ve been having with you.

6. What happens when I welcome the world with my new found feelings? - Seven of Cups rx

There will be some form of clarity that you’ll obtain, allowing yourself to proceed ahead with a goal in your head. There’s some form of awakening, where you wake up and pull yourself away from all the imaginations and illusions that you’ve been drowning yourself in. You know that you’ll get stronger day by day as you live truthfully to yourself, and that’s what you will and shall do. I’m also seeing that you’ll learn the beauty of life where you learn to appreciate it, and start to be more passionate about life.

Overall energy: The Emperor, King of Swords

I’m seeing a sharp energy over here. Emperor and King denote some temper here, where you can be acting kingly. High chances are that you’re in a leadership position, or have been leading yourself out of the troubles of life. Weirdly I’m also seeing something like… The sharp energy being directed inwards, where you may have caused some form of discomfort in yourself when you make a particular decision. Still, you surround yourself with those who support your vision, and there’s a sense of promise here where you’ll stay with those who you value and cherish.

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Pile 4

Card of querent: Strength

You’re holding in strength and you’re not unleashing them anytime soon. It’s a quiet strength that I’m feeling, where you’re allowing yourself to grow stronger day by day, making sure that you’re working on whatever that’s gonna benefit you. I’m also seeing gentleness. Where you’re learning to be gentle to yourself and to also learn about acceptance, overcoming challenges by accepting things as they are and by being kind to yourself.

1. What negative/unhelpful expectations do I have towards myself? - The Magician rx

Similar to Pile 1, I feel that you may attempt to master as many skills as possible. But there’s a hint of competitiveness I’m seeing here, where you tend to compare yourself to other people who are 1) more experienced than you or 2) who have better chances/opportunities than you. The starting ground is different and yet you attempt to achieve better results in a shorter time, which makes the expectations you have for yourself unhealthy. There’s also this side of you who’s… Unwilling to accept the fact that outer circumstances can influence your capability, and you may end up putting more pressure onto yourself, which will make you end up in burn outs.

2. How have those expectations been holding me back? - Queen of Cups

They have obstructed you from being in tune with yourself. You’ve been so goal oriented to the point you’d sacrifice yourself and sometimes, even others, so that you can achieve what you wanted. Slowly, you start to lose yourself, lose your values, and maybe even lose what you thought was yours. For example, friends. You’ll need time and effort to maintain a healthy friendship. But sometimes, you’ve been so immersed in achieving your career goals to the point you may push your friends away and get close to someone else just for the sake of networking. In this case, you slowly lost the friendship that you thought wouldn’t change, but when you look back, things have changed drastically, especially in terms of emotions and interpersonal relationships. The reason I came up with this example is cuz Cups rule over emotions and the Queen rules over inner nurturing energy. 

3. Why should I break those walls of expectations? - Justice

It is to do yourself and the people around you justice. There are so many instances where your expectations have obstructed you from the balance in life. This aside, it has also stopped you from listening to the voices of the people around you. I’m seeing that you’ve been in your head for a long time and you actually have problems in getting out of them. The main colour theme in this card here is purple, but I’m also seeing some sort of fear and denial? So yeah, to do yourself justice, to treat the people around you with the needed kindness, to be able to be in tune with yourself so that you can receive the messages around you. It may sound difficult when you’re very much in your head, but there’s a need to trust in your feelings and let them guide you at times.

4. How do I break those walls? - Eight of Wands rx

Be patient, do not rush things through. The walls can only be broken down bit by bit. Even when life crashes in like a wrecking ball, the walls won’t be completely crushed within a single hit. It’ll take time, constant effort and patience. This in time, will be frustrating to you. But have faith, allow yourself to transition from the old to the new. These all sound difficult to achieve, but instead of looking for reasons to convince yourself that it’s impossible, know that time will pass eventually and you might as well use that time to pull the best out of yourself.

5. How do I tune into my feelings? - Knight of Pentacles rx

In your case, I’d suggest trying something traditional? Going back to your roots, to look at what you’ve done in the past and try gaining some insight from your experiences. There’s some sort of stagnation and you may have problems figuring out how to tune into those new found feelings. Probably going back to your roots and picking up a new habit, where you’ll be required to have patience and to continue doing the same thing everyday to make it a habit. For some reason, I’m seeing meditation and exercise. It’s gonna take time, and you may feel like giving up, but try doing it everyday to make it as natural as eating. 

I’m also seeing that you may want to try rekindling your past passion. You once were into something because that something provides comfort. It would probably be nice for you to try getting back to it where you can reconnect with a nostalgic past. Maybe start painting, pick up a book, or something like that.

6. What happens when I welcome the world with my new found feelings? - Four of Pentacles rx

I feel that you’ll be more self secured and stable, financially and physically. It feels like things have been rather rushed for you for these while. There is a lot of tension and motion that has been going on in your life, where you slowly lost touch with yourself. Once you’ve released the tension, you’ll be able to complete things and tasks at your own pace, and to not lose yourself from all that has been happening around you, to not be swayed by the waves around you. I’m seeing that you’ll be able to stand and welcome the wind that’s blowing against you. 

Overall energy: Temperance, Wheel of Fortune

The theme of balance is once again being reminded here. Ngl, I’ve had trouble writing this pile, like there’s some sort of blockage, some sort of stagnant energy. But paired with the Wheel of Fortune, I’m seeing this as a divine timing, where it’s just the perfect timing for you to head towards your dreams, to achieve whatever you’re aiming, to manifest your goals and desires. You probably may have some self esteem issues? Where you think you have to earn your own value? The cards want to assure that you’re beloved, you’re good enough for being yourself.