#yes i know his birthday was actually yesterday but my tablet had stopped working

[dazeddoodles]

Happy Birthday Felix! You really scored yourself a keeper there 😍

[littleredlie]

Malignant (S1P2)

Series Masterlist | Master Masterlist

Chicago Med x doctor!OC Morgan Fitzgerald is a doctor at Chicago Medical, on her sister’s birthday she tries to stay focused on her patients without her emotions getting in the way, but it gets more difficult when a friend is in the hospital and her ex is lurking around. Based off S1E5 of Chicago Med.

5.3k+ Words

Featuring: Morgan Fitzgerald, Will Halstead, Natalie Manning, April Sexton, Maggie Lockwood, Ethan Choi, Daniel Charles, Sharon Goodwin, Connor Rhodes, Jay Halstead, Sam Zanetti, Kelly Severide, Christopher Herrmann Warning: Patient death, some cursing, angst, medical details that may or may not be wrong.  A/N: Sorry I posted later than usual, yesterday was quite the day. Enjoy!

Part One

The morning was running a bit slow, not that Morgan didn’t appreciate it. She didn’t get any sleep last night and the coffee she was sipping was not helping at all. She could barely focus on the notes in front of her as memories of her older sister kept flashing in front of her eyes. Eventually she gives up and tears her eyes away from the glaring screen. Leaning back in the chair, she notices Mrs. Goodwin talking to Detective Halstead and Lt. Severide. She keeps looking for a moment, wondering what they were talking about. Momentarily, the detective’s eyes sweep over the ED’s space and they land on her. She quickly looks back down to the computer and tries to peek from her peripheral to see if he’s stopped looking. He has, but Morgan doesn’t want to be caught looking again so she forces herself to continue looking at the computer screen.

Her attention is brought back up again when she notices the detective walk toward where she was sitting. Her heart rate picks up a little as he nears her, but then she realizes that Will is standing right next to her. The detective doesn’t even take notice of Morgan's presence, and honestly that stung her a little bit. She clenches her jaw and continues forcing herself to look at the screen, when she fails again, she decides to eavesdrop on the detective and Will’s conversation.

“Can I ask you a doctor question?” Jay asks and Morgan notices the familiarity, she knew they were brothers of course, but she only witnessed their relationship a few times before.

“Sure, come on.” The brothers walk away a little to gain some privacy, but Morgan is still able to hear them. As she did move her chair a bit more to the right and turned so that her ear was exposed to them. 

“Um, Herrmann?” His voice kind of hesitant

“Yeah,” Will asks, not fully paying attention.

“If he’d come in on your watch, would you have waited so long before doing anything?” It takes so much of the eavesdropping doctor’s will to not turn around and butt in, but she couldn’t. Jay and her weren’t close and eavesdropping on a colleague’s private conversation was not the best course of action.

“That’s a tough call.” Will sighs out. “It’s been a while since my surgical residency. And, you know, I wasn’t there for the exam so it’s hard to say.” Morgan could tell that Will was trying not to insinuate anything negative on Connor’s behalf and she hoped that Jay would take it, but he continues to egg on.

“Yeah, just in general.” He asks and Will basically gives in.

“In general?” He pauses for just a second, “ yeah, I probably would have gone in.” Natalie gives Morgan a smile as she walks by and Morgan almost misses it, but manages to throw one right back at her. “But, uh, again, I wasn’t there.”

At that Morgan scoffs and abruptly stands up, grabbing her tablet. She turns towards the brothers and tries to make a clean getaway, but Will stops her.

“Hey, Morgan.”

Morgan halts and closes her eyes, as if to calm herself, and hopes that something will fall out of the sky and allow her to be taken into a trauma room for treatment, but no such luck. She breathes out and slowly turns towards the Halstead brothers. “Yes, Dr. Halstead?” She questions, trying to keep her eyes off of Jay.

“I’d like you to meet my brother,” he points to the detective who Morgan can tell has gotten a little uncomfortable, but he sports a little grin on his face. “This is Jay. Jay, this is Dr. Morgan Fitzgerald.” He introduces the two, not knowing that they already know each other.

“Hi, Detective Halstead,” Morgan says, the tight smile on her face slightly distorting her words. Jay gives her a look, his eyes quickly darting to his brother, who is oblivious to what is going on. Morgan holds out a hand to him and he takes it, shaking gently.

“Hi, doctor. It’s nice to meet you.” His calloused hand was in hers for a little too long and she could remember the first time they were in hers. The actual first time they met. 

December 2013 

Morgan’s eyes were cast down to the tablet in front of her, but she was zoning out. One hand was stuffed in the pocket of her white coat, clutching the bracelet that she received for her birthday last year. A gift from her sister Olivia. Hayden had insisted that she stay home instead of forcing herself into work, but she needed a distraction. But now it seemed that it wasn’t working, especially after that last patient. She looked too much like Olivia. 

Morgan’s focus continues to deplete as she stared like a statue, a few onlookers getting concerned. Especially Maggie.“Dr. Fitzgerald?” Her name falls on deaf ears as Morgan continues to stare at the screen. “Dr. Fitzgerald!” Maggie’s voice raises and Morgan finally snaps out of her trance.

“Sorry Maggie.” The doctor whips her head up and looks to the nurse. “What do you need?” She places the tablet on the desk and stuffs her hand back into the pockets of her scrubs. Maggie pauses for a few seconds, looking at the doctor with concern before finally turning to face the body behind her. 

“This is Detective Halstead, he is on your Jane Doe’s case.” Morgan’s eyes finally land on the freckled man standing behind the charge nurse. Morgan could tell that he was handsome and it stuns her for a minute. He had freckles sprinkled all over his face and soft colored eyes. 

It’s his voice that makes her pay attention.“Detective Halstead,” he repeats, holding his hand out for her. She takes it and his hand basically envelops hers. They were warm and calloused and hers were cold and smooth. A slight grin is on his face and Morgan thinks it compliments his face so much more.

“Dr. Fitzgerald.  Morgan.” Their hands finally pull apart and Morgan doesn’t really like the emptiness the action left behind. “Jane Doe is up in ICU, I can take you.” She puts an arm out pointing in the direction towards the elevator and the detective begins walking. Maggie gives Morgan a look, her eyes flashing between the doctor’s tired face and the detective’s receding back. “Thanks for your help Maggie,” her eyes widened, as if she was telling the nurse to stop it. 

Maggie just laughs and continues doing her job.Morgan finally walks up to Detective Halstead and presses the up button for the elevator. “So, I’ve never seen you around here before.” Morgan says, her eyes not on Halstead but the descending number as the elevator headed for their floor.

“Yeah, I just started with the Intelligence Unit.” He sheepishly says.

“Well congratulations.” She nods, not sure what else to say. She didn’t understand why it was taking the elevator so damn long to get there. “I’ve been here a little over a year myself. If you ever want a tour of the best places in Chicago, I am your girl.” She says, not knowing that he was also a Chicago native.

“Are you asking me out?” He says, a teasing tone obviously present and an amusing look on his face. Morgan chokes a laugh out, a little surprised and a little flabbergasted. She had no idea what to say cause that wasn’t her intention, but it wouldn’t be a bad thing if they did end up going out. Before she could open her mouth to say anything the bell dings, signifying that the elevator had arrived. 

The brunette steps in first as Morgan is still trying to comprehend their conversation. She slowly steps in beside him and presses the button for the ICU’s floor. After a long day of sulking and mourning, a small smile finally shows up on her face as she takes in the presence that Detective Jay Halstead emitted.

Jay squeezes her hand slightly, and it pulls Morgan out of the memory. She rips her hand out of his too quickly after noticing how long she must’ve been holding it. Will actually notices this time and opens his mouth to say something to her, but she beats him to it.

“I’m sorry Jay, but I have a patient to take care of. It was nice meeting you.” before either brother could say anything to her, she turns around and bolts out of the ED. 

         ❦

Later on, Morgan is making her way up to Lt. Herrmann’s room to check on him and Connor. She had heard that he was beating himself up about his decision about his patient and it didn’t help that there were others questioning his decision as well. When she arrived at the room, Kelly was also peering in. The lieutenant doesn’t notice her as he’s too busy glaring at Connor. 

“You think it might’ve helped if you hadn’t waited so long?” Kelly asks and Morgan’s breath sits in her chest as she throws an accusing look at her acquaintance. He still doesn’t notice her standing next to him.

“Excuse me?” Connor turns, his eyes dashing to you quickly before landing on the firefighter.

“If you’d operated on him when we brought him in. Not waited.”

“Are you talking to me about medicine right now?”

“I’m talking to you about my friend,” Kelly points towards the unconscious Chris.

“Look, I’m gonna say this once, because he is my friend too.” He breathes out “I did what was right.”

“Well, some of your fellow docs don’t agree.”

“Really?” Connor steps closer, and Morgan steps forward as well, ready to throw herself between them if she had to. “Odd that they would share that with you and not me.” The men begin to glare each other down and Morgan forces herself from beside them. She puts herself between them, her back towards Connor and she looks up at the lieutenant.

“Lieutenant Severide, can I have a word with you?” He doesn’t stop glaring at Connor and Morgan can feel the tension continue to rise. “Kelly,” Morgan says sternly and he finally looks at her. She places a hand on his arm, tugs him away from the situation, and to a secluded corner. Connor turns away and walks down the hall, Morgan watches him before he disappears and she turns back to Kelly.

“What the hell was that Kelly?” Her arms are crossed across her chest and she huffs out, an angered look on her face. Kelly looks at her for a second before taking a few steps away. “Kelly!”

“His decision could’ve cost Chris his life! If he had operated sooner, we wouldn’t be in this position!” He practically yells, but Morgan doesn’t jump, instead she keeps her eyes on him.

“And you’re so sure about that?” He gives her a look of disbelief, a scoff escaping his lips.

“Of course you side with him.”

“Really Kelly,” this time she scoffs, “that’s how you want to do this?” 

“Yeah, that’s how we’re doing this doctor.”

“Well Lieutenant, last time I checked you were a firefighter, not a doctor. Given the information that Dr. Rhodes had, he made the appropriate decision. A decision I would have made as well.” The agitated firefighter doesn’t look the doctor in the eye, instead glancing to his colleague’s recovery room. “Now questioning a decision that has been said and done will do nothing to help Herrmann, we are doing our absolute best to make sure that he will be okay. Pitting the doctors that are supposed to be taking care of him against each other will not help.” He finally looks down at her, trying to glare her down but she doesn’t back away. “Go walk it off Kelly.” Morgan says with a softer tone, her eyes pleading. And without waiting for a reply from him, she walks away, hoping that her words would persuade him to calm down. 

         ❦

Morgan’s staring off into the distance, obviously upset. The day just seemed to dredge on and she constantly found herself thinking about her sister, which work was supposed to distract her from. For some reason, today was different. Her right hand was fiddling with the bracelet, as it always did on an anniversary related to Olivia. 

“Morgan, you okay?” Will pulls up next to the distracted doctor, looking down at a patient’s charts.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just lost a patient.” She wasn’t necessarily lying. She did lose a longtime patient to cancer, but she didn’t delve deeper into how the day just seemed to be tainted in death for her. But after all these years Will knew when she was lying, she happened to bite her lip whenever she was. 

“Are you sure Morgan, you’ve been a little off today.” He sits in the seat next to her, turning it to have his whole body face her.

“I’m okay Will,” she snaps before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” She slips the bracelet into her pocket and Will notices but decides not to push since she seemed to be stressed already. “It just sucks that we can’t save everyone, you know. People keep dying and sometimes all we can do is watch.” She shrugs at the end of her sentence and turns her chair away so that she isn’t facing him anymore. He didn’t know why she didn’t just let him in, they’ve been friends ever since he came back to Chicago and started at Med. 

“Morgan–” He isn’t allowed to continue as Maggie’s voice arises from somewhere in the ED.

“Rhodes and Halstead, we’ve got an incoming!” The charge nurse’s eyes on the cube in her hands as she begins directing the doctors. 

“Got it!” Rhodes says grabbing some gloves from a box. 

“Wanna help us out?” Will asks Morgan, nodding his head towards the doors.

“Sure,” Morgan shrugs nonchalantly. Will nods, still a little concerned for her, but he allows for the two of them to get to work..

“What do we got?” Connor asks as he, Morgan, and Will make their way up to the bay doors. Morgan pulls the gloves on her hands as the paramedic reports.

“25-year-old witnessed seizure in the street. She was clipped by a swerving car. GCS 3, intubated in the field.” They continue moving her deeper into the ED, turning to wheel her into the trauma room. “102 over 60, tachy at 110.”

“Alright, on my count.” Dr. Rhodes starts, “One, two, three.” Together, the team moves her onto the treatment table. “Give me a laryngoscope to confirm the tube. X-rays of the chest and pelvis, then to CT for a pan-scan.”

“Yes, doctor.” A nurse answers.

Morgan has her stethoscope on her chest, listening. “This isn’t a trauma. She went down before she was hit.” Dr. Halstead says to his colleagues hoping that it would change the route of treatment.

“But we don’t know the damage, she was hit by a car.” Connor rebutes quickly.

“Because she had a seizure,” Halstead says back.

Morgan huffs out a breath and focuses on the patient. “She’s tachy. Sats are down.” A nurse says and Morgan nods.

“Alright, let’s give her 500 milligrams of keppra.” Morgan says after viewing her pupil reaction with a light.

“Yes, doctor.” A nurse answers and proceeds.

“She’s got a chemo port.” April points out after cutting the patient’s shirt off.

“I’m telling you, the money’s in the seizure. We gotta figure that out,” Will reassures trying to get Morgan to agree. “Get a CBC, CMP, HCG, and a tox screen. Tell CT we’re going for the head only, not the whole body.” Before April could step away to put in the orders, Connor interrupts.

“No, tell CT that we’re going for the whole body. Now.” The tension in that small treatment room was suffocating for Morgan, if she wasn’t so focused on the patient, she might’ve gone off on her coworkers. “Must be nice, having so many opinions.” Connor bites.

“I have opinions about how I handle incoming patients. I don’t like that QT on the monitor.”

“On it!”

“You by any chance share those opinions with your brother?”

“What, Herrmann?” Will asks, but he knows the answer. “Look, Jay asked, so I told him.” 

Before Connor could say something again, Morgan interrupts with a growl, “Boys, not now!” They give Morgan a look, but drop the issue returning their undivided attention back to the unconscious patient.

“What’s happening?” A new voice enters the room and Doris interjects, trying to pull her out of the room. A chime on the monitor goes off and pulls everyone’s attention to it.

“She’s in V-tach!” Morgan states and a nurse gives off her blood pressure. “I can’t get a pulse.

“We need a crash cart, start compressions, now!” Connor orders and Will begins.

“We’re losing her.” The flatline corroborates that statement, but Will continues compressions.

“Charge to 200. Clear!”

Dr. Halsted pulls his hands off of Dani’s chest,“clear!” And Dr. Rhodes shocks her. When nothing happens, Will continues compressions, waiting for the next shock. 

“Come on, come Dani.” Morgan watches Will performing CPR. For some reason the doctor’s heart was beating out of her chest, a pit was forming at the bottom of her stomach, she couldn’t lose her.

“Milligram of epi.”

“One of epi.” April repeats.

“Clear!”

Will again pulls his hands off her chest again, “clear!” And they do it again, shocking Dani while her partner pleads from the door of the room. When nothing happens again, this time it’s Dr. Fitzgerald that orders another round of epi, but everyone hesitates. 

“Dr. Fitzgerald.” April starts, but Morgan isn’t having it.

“Now.” Morgan steps in the way of Will and continues compressions on the patient’s chest.

“One of epi,” April says, knowing it’s a lost cause.

“Stop compressions,” Connor says after a moment, but Morgan doesn’t stop. 

“Dr. Fitzgerald,” Will starts, putting a hand on Morgan’s back, but she continues. “Morgan,” he says softly this time and she finally pulls herself away, staring at the dead patient in front of her. Will gives her a concerned look, as he notices the crumpling look on her face.

“Time of death: 16:21.” At that Morgan lets a breath out and the woman at the door begins to cry. Morgan rips off her gloves and steps out of the room, not willing to see the heartbreaking scene in front of her. 

Why did today have to be so suffocating for her? Her eyes begin to tear up and without stopping she lightly jogs out through the lobby to the front of the building. The tears finally escaped down her face. With her hands on her hips, she looks up to the night sky trying her hardest to stop crying and to control her breathing.

“Morgan?” She recognizes the voice and at that moment she wants the world to swallow her whole, she didn’t want him to see her like this. Looking down, she sees Jay Halstead approaching her body and unknowingly she steps back, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Are you okay?” There is genuine concern in his eyes, they’re gentle and she remembered how much she missed looking into his eyes.

Morgan roughly wipes away her tears and sniffles, not yet looking at him. “I’m fine, Jay.” She pauses, not sure on how much to tell him. “Just lost a patient, that’s all.”

“Are you sure?” He pushes, knowing she’s hiding something.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She gives him a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, hell, it barely makes it past her lips.

“You’ve been a doctor for over three years now Morgan, I’ve never seen you react–.”

“Well Jay, we only dated for seven months and you’ve barely spoken to me in the last two years. I’ve changed.” She snaps, interrupting him, trying her hardest to mask any other reason for her to break down this easy.

“You don’t have to talk to me, I get it.” He puts himself in her point of view, forcing her to finally look at him. “But talk to someone, please.” He looks at her waiting for some type of response. Unwittingly, a tear escapes Morgan’s eyes and she hesitantly nods. Jay gives her a soft smile.

“So,” he starts trying to lighten the mood, “you didn’t tell my brother about us.” At that Morgan gives out a short chuckle, wiping the tears away and fully turning towards the detective.

“No, I didn’t. There was no point in doing so,” Morgan shrugs, seeing a hint of amusement in his eyes. “We were broken up and I wasn’t here for even a year yet, didn’t want to ruin the dynamic that Will and I were building.” She glances away, before a realization arises in her mind. “Why didn’t you tell him?”

“I guess for the same reason,” he shrugs now, but his voice is soft.

“How’re things with Erin?” Jay grimaces, but Morgan laughed. His partner was the reason she broke up with him, she didn’t feel like becoming a second choice. She didn’t feel like competing against a woman that he spent so much time with where she barely saw due to their hours. If you love them, gotta let them go, right?

“Things are good, we’re good.”

“That’s good. I’m happy for you. Really.” He looks at her, a solemn look on his face, words ready to pour out about their past relationship. Morgan, however, doesn’t want to hear it, she spent months trying to get over the handsome detective, she didn’t need him to dredge up old feelings. Gladly, her pager goes off and she sees that she’s being called to check up on another one of her patients. “Are you here to see Will or something?”

Jay is confused at her question at first before realizing that the opportunity to talk had passed. “Yeah, yeah I am”

“I’ll walk you in.” Together the two walk into the hospital, muttering a quick goodbye. Will exits the ED and sees the interaction between his brother and Morgan, he glimpses at the comfortable  aura between them and makes a note to address it later, after he confronted his brother about their conversation earlier.

         ❦

After discharging a patient that was wheeled in earlier, Morgan’s phone beeps and she fishes it out from the pocket of her scrubs. It was from Dr. Charles. The doctor was anxious, hoping that this wasn’t a talk about her overreacting behavior with Dani. Taking a deep breath to call her nerves, she makes her way down to the morgue. When she gets to the hallway that leads to her destination, she is caught up with Will and Connor. They greet each other, but Morgan ignores them, and she especially ignores the concerning looks that they were both giving her. The boys stop in front of the morgue’s door, but Morgan does not feel like sticking around for their conversation, so she walks in between them and enters.

Dr. Charles is standing in the room alongside the medical examiner and he greets her. “Dr. Fitzgerald, here.” He hands her a sheet and she looks down to it. It’s the results for her patient, Dani who was lying dead in front of her. Morgan takes the paper and takes a step away from the body, Dr. Charles notices. Soon, Halstead and Rhodes step into the room. “Gentlemen,” Dr. Charles says, also handing them a sheet.

Rhodes looks down and reads the results, coming to the same conclusion Morgan did when she read it. “Dani OD’ed on chemo. That explains why she seized in the street.”

Dr. Charles nods and gives a sigh out, “that’s not the troubling part. Yeah, she was loaded up on chemo. But this woman,” he says to Dr. Fitzgerald, “never had cancer.” It was like he was trying to tell her that she could not have saved her, that it wasn’t her fault that she was gone. 

All Morgan knew was that it didn’t help.

         ❦

Now, Dr. Choi, Dr. Halstead, Dr. Rhodes, and Dr. Fitzgerald stood in Mrs. Goodwin’s office listening to Dr. Charles’s hypothesis about the two women who OD'd on chemo.

“Two patients in one day overdose on chemo and neither had cancer.” He hands something to Mrs. Goodwin while Morgan goes through the patients’ charts.

“Which, I must admit, does seem suspicious.” Goodwin replies, setting her glasses on her nose.

“Well, it could be a new oncologist in town making incorrect diagnoses.” Connor remarks, but doesn’t sound like he has convinced himself.

“Or even just mixing up a few charts,” Dr. Choi adds.

“Yeah, but even then, why the overdoses?” Morgan asks, finally looking up to the people in the room. “And on the same day? It doesn’t add up.”

“What do we know about these women?” Sharon asks, taking off the glasses and pointing her attention to Dr. Charles.

“Jessica’s note said she felt betrayed.” He answers her.

“And Dani’s girlfriend said Dani was upset about something, but wouldn’t talk about it,” Will speaks up.

“Something was going on with both of these women,” the psychiatrist continues.

“Yeah, but we don’t have any medical records, and no information that might link them.” Morgan points out looking back to the charts, trying to find some reason as to why they overdosed on chemo.

Goodwin brainstorms out loud, “I’m going to get in touch with some local oncologists, see if there have been any problems with their chemo or if they’ve had other patients in the same condition. Thank you,” she nods to the doctors and they begin to head out. Connor places his hand on Morgan’s lower back and leads the two of them away from Choi and Halstead.

“Hey, are you okay?” The look on his face shows that he knows what she’s going through.

“Um,” Morgan hesitates and breathes out, looking down the hall where Will seems to be waiting for her. “Yeah, it’s just that–” Morgan trails off, looking everywhere but Connor’s eyes.

“It’s Olivia’s birthday,” he finishes for her and almost immediately, tears begin to cloud Morgan’s eyes. She collapses against her friend, his arms immediately wrapping around her.

Will watched them, he watched how open and vulnerable Morgan was with Rhodes. He understood that they knew each other since their childhood, but Rhodes has been gone for the past few years, and Will had been there instead. Or maybe he hadn’t been, as he looked at Morgan sobbing in Rhodes’s arms, he wondered if he ever really knew her, if she could ever allow him in her life like she allows Connor. He walks away from them, giving them space and himself time to think.

Connor reluctantly pulls away from Morgan, wiping away the tears from her face. “She would’ve been 32 years old, possibly married, maybe a few kids. I don’t know, I’ll never know,” Morgan whispers the last part, looking down at her feet. “I don’t know why I’m letting this affect me so much.” She angrily sighs out, turning away from Connor.

He lays a hand on her shoulder, “It was barely four years ago and Olivia was brutally murdered, it’s gonna take time. Maybe you should talk to Dr. Charles.”

“Well how much time until I am so distracted that I end up affecting a patient?” She yells, receiving a few annoyed and confused looks from some bystanders. At this time Dr. Charles is stepping out of Goodwin’s office and his attention is brought to the two arguing doctors. Morgan doesn’t want to be analyzed by the psychiatrist and she’s tired of the look of pity on Connor’s face, so she decides to remove herself from the situation.

“Morgan–”Connor begins, but she has already begun to walk away.

         ❦

The end of her shift was two hours ago, but she was still at the hospital, on the roof staring at the Chicago skyline. She couldn’t go home, she knew she wasn’t gonna be able to get any sleep tonight. A breeze danced around the doctor’s body and she tried her hardest to retreat deeper into her jacket, but it wasn’t helping much. The wind pushed the curls of her hair to brush against her face and despite this very reason, Morgan liked having her natural hair out. She felt a little bit more in control, a bit more free, a bit more beautiful. The braids she had in her hair last month were getting harder to handle, so she was okay with letting her hair and scalp breathe for a bit. Over the years her hair grew remarkably well and she was starting to feel a lot more confident in herself. Maybe she’d let it out longer than a few weeks.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were still here.” Morgan turns to Connor’s voice, he’s walking towards her.

“Yeah, I have a patient downstairs that I don’t want to leave.” He looks at her, knowing that she’s not telling the whole truth. But he doesn’t push her, at least not for now.

“I heard what you did for me today.” He leans next to her on the railing, his eyes peering out as well.

“What? With Kelly?” She asks and Connor nods. “It’s no big deal. They’re all one big family and can get a little hostile without noticing. I just had a little talk with him.”

“How long had you known him?”

“I met him shortly after I started my residency here, through an ex.”

“An ex?” He chuckles, “who?”

“Someone not important. He’s not really in my life anymore. But after deciding to maintain my paramedic license, I rode along a few times with their station and got close to them. I had hoped I could use my relationship with them as an advantage to talk Kelly down.”

“Well thanks.” He nudges her and she smiles, “however, you don’t always have to come to my rescue. Especially when you won’t let me come to yours.”

“It’s not that Connor, it’s just that sometimes there’s this look you give me. Like I’m broken and you want to fix me. I already get it from the rest of my family, and from Hayden. I don’t want that from you.”

“I understand, but it’s because I care about you Morgan.” He slings an arm around her shoulder and she leans against him.

“I appreciate it, and I promise that I’ll let you know if I need rescuing. But for now, let me just have my best friend, okay?”

“Alright, I’ll hold you to that promise.” He chuckles. For a moment, they’re quiet, leaning against each other, letting their troubles past them even for just a moment.

“So, you and Dr. Zanetti? I did not see that coming.” She looks at Connor skeptically and he scoffs at her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He looks down at Morgan, genuinely curious.

“I don’t know, it’s just that she’s her and you’re you. She’s the definition of an egotistical surgeon and you’re not.” Connor looks at her, urging her to continue, but Morgan knows it’s not her place. “But that’s just my opinion, I’m sure she’s nice and you wouldn’t be dating her if there wasn’t something there.”

“Is there some history between the two of you.” He asks, removing his arm from around the ED doctor.

“Just some disagreements on invasive versus less invasive procedures, it’s not a big deal. Don’t let my professional troubles ruin your personal life.” Connor nods his head, still a little wary of Morgan’s attitude towards his girlfriend. As he should be, Morgan felt a little jealousy clawing away at her insides, she didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like Connor was going to disappear out of her life now that he was dating Sam. Or maybe it was the fact that Morgan wasn’t his girlfriend, but that thought never crossed her mind.

“Are you dating anyone?”

“God, no. I don’t have the time for dates or caring about another person’s schedule. I did it a while in 2013, we dated, but we had opposite schedules and so I ended it.”

“When did you first get here? Morgan, that was almost three years ago!”

“No it was, two years ago. We broke up in 2014 and I just haven’t made time to go out.”

“God, you’re ridiculous.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine with it.” She shrugs and Connor just shakes his head, not really understanding her decision. If only he understood that the universe was working against the two, it was never the right time for the both of them.

“Come on Morgan, let me drive you home.” Morgan nods and the two of them make their way down to the first floor. She could feel a little bit of the weight rising off of her shoulders as the two of them finally left the hospital.

Part Three

[jaehyunspeachparty]

daddy jaehyun

i.xiii. (a)

There were only a few weeks left to give birth, but still you were always horny. When you were pregnant with Miga, it was not like that. But currently it did not seem to stop. But it was now hard to move, and masturbation had become very difficult.

Jaehyun came home late last night…again. Mostly, Miga was already asleep and you were actually quite angry at him. It was her last weeks as an only child and you had hoped that Jaehyun would do more with her before her sibling would came.

"Hey ..." Jaehyun whispered as you were already in bed and he was not sure if you were already asleep. You open your eyes and look at him.

"Hi." You try to smile, because you were too tired to argue.

"You look beautiful." He smiled and kissed you as he stroked your belly.

"Thanks." You wanted to be so angry with him, but it just did not work. He was just too cute, too charismatic. You've been with him together for so long and you've still been weak for him.

"Can I do something for you?" His voice was tender and he is still stroking your stomach.

“Can you please just fuck me?” It rarely happened that you begged him about it, but you were just desperate. Your desire came completely over you and sometimes you could not think of anything else.

"I was thinking of making you a tea or something." Jaehyun laughs and gets up, but you weren’t happy about how he acted. At that moment, his rejection hurt you, and you became incredibly angry. You somehow knew it was your hormones, but you did not want to see that at the moment.

"I'm serious." You sigh furiously and cross your arms like a little child.

"After the last time you had contractions. I don’t want that to happen again."

"How many times should I explain this to you, that were Braxton Hicks contractions? Maybe you should look into a few pregnancy books, than to spend the whole day in the company." You wanted to hold it back, but now your anger was too big. You were desperate because you could not control this huge amount of emotions.

"Let's talk tomorrow, I'm tired." Jaehyun was also visibly annoyed. He did not even let you have a word, so he went straight to the bathroom.

The good thing about your pregnancy was that you were always tired. You used to be awake for hours after arguing with Jaehyun, but this time you were in deep sleep and did not even know he was getting back to bed.

The next morning, you wake up relatively early, as you had a few cramps in your abdomen. Jaehyun slept next to you and since you were still angry at him, you just stood up. Miga was still asleep and so you decide to enjoy the morning a little. You wanted to take your iPad to watch a few videos, but when you turned it on, the battery was completely empty. Miga had probably secretly played with the tablet. There was nothing left for you but to put it aside and charge the battery. You decide to take Jaehyun's laptop. You sit down on the couch and open it. First, the window for the password appeared. In principle, you knew all his passwords. It was a combination of your and Miga's birthday. After you enter it, it opens the normal desktop and apparently Jaehyun did not close his browser yesterday.  Everything was black and the logo had orange elements. It was clearly a porn site and you became curious. The title was Student gets her ordinary punishment from her professor. You press the play button and watch the video shortly. You see a busty woman entering a classroom wearing a tight school uniform. The woman was still thin and you felt bad. Could Jaehyun not get a boner because you got so fat? You continue to watch the porn and see in a fast run how she blows him and how the "Professor" fucks her on the desk. At some point it was enough for you and you put the laptop back on the desk. For a while, you look at it and think for a moment. But then you became too curious and look in the bin, which stood right next to it. There were crumpled tissues inside and that just confirmed that Jaehyun had gotten himself off yesterday. Actually, it doesn’t bother you that he watched porn now and then. But instead of fucking you yesterday, he preferred to jack off and that made you incredibly angry. So much anger builds up inside you that you did not know what to do. That's when you hear your daughter cry and you're glad about it for the first time. You go to her room and there she sat with swollen eyes.

"Honey, what's up?" You sit down to her and try to hug her. That was more and more difficult for you. Your belly was in many ways in your way.

"I had a nightmare." Slowly she calmed down and her sobbing faded.

"Oh no, my baby, what happened?" You give her a kiss and stroke her over the shoulder. The little Shiba Inu puppy, who still had no name, whimpered and looked at Miga.

"There was a big monster and it wanted to eat daddy." She began to cry again and you wipe her tears away. The puppy lay down to Miga’s feet and whimpered on.

"Daddy is fine, do you want to check?" You smile and Miga nods. She hopped off the bed and ran. The little dog hopped behind her. In the time where your daughter wakes up Jaehyun, you make her breakfast. It was not long before you hear her babble and see how your husband came into the kitchen with her in her arms. And once again you became weak. Jaehyun was shirtless, his abs protruding as his body was still dehydrated and at the same time, he was so soft with Miga as she clung to his shoulder. He was so sexy at the moment, so your knees were completely soft again. It seemed to you that Jaehyun had become even more handsome lately. Was he training again? You were scanning his body and continue to stare at his upper body.

"Are you checking my body?" He winked at you and sat Miga down. Slowly you came back to reality and you remembered that you were mad at him.

"Don’t forget that we come to lunch at the company and look at everything." You turn to the kitchen counter, so you didn’t have to look at him.

"Of course not, you come at eleven, right?" You just nod and pour tea.

You did not know why, but you spend a lot of time on your outfit for the meeting in SM. It was all a different world for you. The last few weeks you only spend in jogging pants because you did not fit into anything. You could pop at any time because your belly was already big. You could put on Miga something pretty very fast. But stood hours in front of the wardrobe. In the end, you decided on black leggings and a white, wide, elegant pullover.

Miga was not in a good mood that day. Since she had the nightmare, apparently she had not slept well either. She was whining all the time and you could hardly calm her down. She started screaming random the whole ride and you did not know what to do anymore.

When you first walked into the building of SM Entertainment, she did not want to go any further. You had to register yourself and Miga and that was not so easy. She threw herself on the floor and refused to get up.

"I'm so sorry, she's not in a good mood today." Tears were already gathering in your eyes, because you were too exhausted for everything.

"No problem. I also have a daughter, she also had this phase." The lady at the desk smiled and walked over the counter. She played with Miga for a short time and managed to quickly take a picture of her. After your ID cards are ready, you can finally enter the building. The woman at the desk gave Miga a small pink drink, which calmed her a little. But only for a few seconds. Miga didn’t want to go further again.

"Please Miga. Please move on." You bend down to her and plead with despair at your daughter. You were tired and weak. But Miga was tired as well and that always angered her.

"NO!" She took the drink and threw it against your white sweater. It did not hit much, but it was enough for some pink spots on your collar. In this moment you were so angry and you picked her up. Actually, you should not carry her anymore. But you have no options anymore. You grab her and went to the bathroom with her to wash out the biggest spots. You place your daughter next to the sink and you try to save everything.

"I want to go home." Miga screams through the room and her voice echoed through the room.

"STOP IT NOW." You don’t often yell at your daughter, but you could not anymore. You were so angry, so tired and so exhausted. You would also rather be home, you would also prefer that Jaehyun was there, but lately nothing was going according to plan. Miga began to cry, but she stopped when suddenly she heard the toilet and someone came out of the cabin. And when you looked in the mirror you could hardly believe your eyes.

“Y/n?” You almost freeze when you hear her voice.

"Suji, what are you doing here?" You could not believe it. Her slender and petite body stood next to you and her long black hair slid over her shoulder. She was elegant, she was beautiful, she was successful, and she was Jaehyun's ex-girlfriend. The whole story between him and her didn’t end well, and you were the reason.

"I'm part of NCT 127 Financing and Management Team. I'll lead it all now and coordinate the investment. Didn’t Jaehyun tell you?" She laughed, but you knew it was fake. How could Jaehyun not tell you that? It broke your heart that he had not told you that his ex-girlfriend was back in the NCT team.

"Ehm, yes, we're just getting our second child. I probably forgot that." You are lying and she knew that. That made you even more nervous.

"Hard to miss." She looked disdainfully at your stomach and then turned to the mirror.

"I admire women like you. I could never stretch my body like that…with a baby… I mean, the body will never going to be look like before. Hmm and I've heard that you feel less during sex. Well, some women prefer to go on a career, some stick at home as housewife and be financed by their husbands. " She put on her red lipstick and pressed her lips together. You knew exactly what she wanted to say with all this. She wanted to hurt you and in you condition she did it.

"Well, I think Jaehyun will know what he's doing." She turns back to you and looked disdainfully at your stomach again.

"After all, we're going to do his solo album now, but he probably would not have said that to you, according to your reaction." She winked, smiled and left the room. You stare after her and tears came up in you. Did you hear it right? A solo album? Now? You just had a conversation about it.

You turn to Miga, who looked at you with her big eyes. And then you could not hold it back anymore. You start crying. Your fingers clawed at the sink and you could not hold back your sobs. You did not want to be here anymore, you did not want to be pregnant anymore. You just wanted to go home and be yourself again.

"Mommy, don’t cry, don’t be sad." Miga patted your head gently and you had to smile because she was so loving. You hug her and give her a kiss.

"I'm sorry Mommy, I was bad." You were so sorry that Miga felt guilty. She is the last person who is guilty of your condition. You push your daughter closer to you and you were so glad to have her right now.

"No honey, you were not bad. Mommy is just sad."

to be continued...

Daddy Jaehyun Masterlist

[knicole0527]

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

[speedybasementcollection]

Running With The Trickster

Part 24

Loki X Reader 

You waited by the tablet all day, your fingers absent-mindedly tapping against the wood of the table where you were sitting. A sigh left your lips, another hour went and nothing from Tony yet. You had been getting anxious to speak with Fury, now that your husband was gone and Hydra was badly wounded, you were halfway through your mission.  

    “Are you going to stare at that contraption all day?” Loki asked.  

    “Yes”, you didn’t even bother to look up at him. You heard him huff and his footsteps came closer to you. Before you could stop him, he reached out and grabbed the tablet away, keeping it out of your reach. You were quickly on your feet, dagger in hand.  

    “I will cut you, Trickster” you threatened but he simply laughed.  

    “Come outside with me for an hour, that’s all I ask” Loki told you. You glared at him, then looked back up at the laptop. Loki could easily keep it away using magic, if he wanted, and all he was asking for was an hour. You sighed, there was no option. You put the dagger down and crossed your arms.  

    “Fine, but one hour only!” He set the tablet down on the table and took your hands, pulling you to the door and outside of the cabin. “Where are we going?”

    “For a walk” he simply told you, but you didn’t trust that answer. Loki was hiding something from you but you couldn’t tell what. Before you could ask him about it, he spoke up once more. “I don’t like this plan of yours, I would prefer if I went in with you to see Fury”.  

    “I know, and trust me I would prefer to have you there, but he will see me as less of a threat if I go in on my own. Plus, if anything goes wrong, you need to rescue me” you told him, a smile on your face. It was an attempt to lighten up the situation, but it didn’t seem to work on Loki, who just frowned.  

    “And how do we know that Fury won’t just kill you on the spot?” Loki asked and you stopped yourself from rolling your eyes. In truth, you had no idea. If Fury wanted to keep you quiet, that was an effective way to do it.  

    “I will kill him first” you told Loki, although it did nothing to ease either of your minds. “I need to go this Loki, but I also need you to be in my corner, I can’t do this without you” you told him, pausing the walk for a moment. He smiled and moved the hair that had fallen from on top of your head from your face.  

   “Of course, love, I will always be with you and if they try to hurt you, I will skin them all alive” you had to laugh at that. It was very much like Loki to mix a sweet and violent statement like that.  

    “I would expect nothing less, Loki” you laughed and continued on your walk. You were beginning to recognize where you were going, the river wasn’t too far from here. Of course, Loki would have mapped out the way here when he first came to visit, he knew the area was important to you. You sped up your walk, eager to get to the water and cool off, maybe it would take your mind off of your worried for a little while.  

    “Here we are” Loki announced loudly, putting you off guard.  

    “Surprise!” The sudden yell of everyone made you jump closer to Loki. You winced when a tree exploded next to you as everyone took cover.  

    “Maybe you should join magic lessons with Wanda and I” Loki laughed and you hit him in the shoulder, hard enough to leave a small bruise.  

    “I was getting better! You guys scared the crap out of me!” You yelled, willing your heart to calm down. “What the hell is going on?”  

    “Happy Birthday?” Loki said sheepishly. You looked around, everyone was here, well except Steve of course.  

    “How did you know it was my birthday? I don’t remember ever telling you that?” You narrowed your eyes at the other, it had to be one of the Avengers to spill that detail. They all looked at each other so you crossed your arms and glared.  

    “Fine, it was me” Tony raised his hand. “I didn’t think you would tell him and everyone deserves to celebrate their birthday” Tony justified his actions. You sighed, it wasn’t as if they had done anything wrong, they were just being friends.  

    “Well thank you, and no, I wasn’t planning on telling him. Since you’re all here though, might as well have some fun. I do have one question though, what did you do with Steve?”  

    “Oh, he is on some bogus mission, don’t worry, it will take hours!” Natasha laughed and you laughed right along with her, accepting this answer. With that, Tony started up a small boombox and handed you a rather large glass of red wine.  

    “So, what’s with the exploding objects? I thought you only have minimal magic, other than your scream of course” Tony asked, you had forgotten to mention it yesterday.  

    “Loki and I had been working on my powers, there mostly under control but that one seems a little finicky” you explained and Tony laughed, nodding his head.  

    “Well relax and have some fun, we don’t need that happening tomorrow when we infiltrate Shield” Natasha told you, handing you a glass of champagne.  

    "We?” You asked, looking up to glare at Loki who conveniently was looking the other way. He was clearly avoiding your gaze and you rolled your eyes at his childish behavior, even if it did cause a smile to form on your lips.  

    “Lover boy here is worried about you and besides, it turns out that I need to disable to system from the inside. Natasha and I will go in, do what we need to do and then Loki will bring you in once the cost is clear” Tony explained.  

    “I thought you said you were going to let me do this on my own” you accused Loki, taking a large drink from the champagne. Your eyes watered a little as the bubbles hit your throat, you hadn’t had any alcohol since going into hiding.  

    “I will, I swear I won’t interrupt unless you need me love. They won’t even know I’m in the building” Loki quickly defended himself. You took a deep breath but smiled.  

    “Fine” you gave in. He smiled and wrapped you up in his arms and lifting you off the ground.  

    “Come on, the rest of us want to see her too!” Clint called out and you laughed.  

    “I have time for everyone” you announced as Loki put you back on the ground. Loki let you go, a little unwillingly, and followed when you went to get another glass of champagne. Tony began handing out shots, which you took eagerly, ready to have some fun for the first time in a while.  

    “Oh! I have a drinking game to play!” Tony announced, setting everyone up with their own shot glass and getting out several large bottles of liquor. Everyone groaned but Thor and Loki, who seemed slightly confused by the annoyed reaction by everyone.  

    “You’re drinking games always end badly, Tony” Bruce told him firmly. Tony waved him off though and began to fill everyone’s glasses as they sat around on several rocks and logs.  

    “This one will be fun, we are going to be answering questions about our lovely Siren here, and those who get it wrong, have to drink!” Tony announced, all too happy with himself.  

    “And what is the point of this game?” Loki asked.  

    “To get drunk” Tony replied quickly, a devilish smile on his face. He went to pass Loki a shot glass but he declined, instead used magic to produce his own. He produced two extras, handing one to Thor and one to Bucky.  

    “It’s Asgardian liquor, quite a bit stronger than what Stark is handing out” Loki explained. Thor laughed and took the glass eagerly.  

    “Hey! Why does the newbie get that and I don’t?”  

    “Because the last time you had some Tony, you almost died. Besides, Bucky is a super soldier like Steve, he can handle it” you explained, trying to keep the scolding voice down to a minimum. Tony rolled his eyes but let it go.  

    “Let’s play! Bruce asks the questions since he wants to be boring and stay sober” Tony handed off the cards and took his seat in-between Natasha and Wanda who had been getting to know each other.  

    “I just want to say Happy Birthday Esperanza and I in no way helped Tony set this game up” Bruce smiled and you laughed. “Okay, first question; what is Esperanza ’s favorite color”. Everyone shouted out different color, it was actually hard to keep track of who said what, but once everyone was quiet, they all looked to you.  

    You answered with your favorite color, there were some cheers and some groans and a bit more than half the group took a drink. Taking another drink of champagne, you looked back up to Bruce for the next question. You fell into an easy rhythm for the rest of the game, watching everyone enjoy themselves.  

    There were no worries tonight, no threat of Hydra, Shield or even Captain America. All those worries could wait. For tonight, it was all about friends enjoying each other's company and toasting to a better tomorrow.

[littlepurinsesu]

[IDOLiSH7] Gaku Yaotome - Bright Illumination Live (Rabbit Chat Translation)

Translated from Chinese to English using 回廊王女yomiria_想当月刊夫人‘s translation, provided by 袋九布 on Weibo. Done for my Twitter account but posted here because of the long text.

Note: This is a translation of a translation (Japanese -> Chinese -> English), so I can’t guarantee that it’ll be the most accurate version out there. >_<

PART 1 – Valentine’s Day Live!

T: Thank you for your hard work, Yaotome-san!

T: I just heard that this time we will be jointly participating in the “BNO MUSIC PRESENTS Valentine’s Day Live 2019” hosted by BNO Music. Please take care of us!

G: Thank you for your hard work, Takanashi.

G: I heard from Anesagi as well. But we will be on a concert tour that day, so we’ll probably be doing a live broadcast for BNO Music’s Valentine’s Day Live. Please take care of us.

T: Yes! Because we are connecting your concert with the Valentine’s Day Live through a live broadcast, the operating staff have communicated and negotiated to come to this mutual decision.

G: The preparations must be very large-scale, too. It seems like very hard work; we’ll have to trouble you all.

T: Leave it to us!

G: IDOLiSH7 will be participating for two consecutive days at the Tokyo venue, right?

T: Yes. Re:vale will also be doing a live broadcast from overseas. Bringing together three major cities feels like it’ll create a live never seen before. It’s very exciting!

G: Overseas, huh, so nice. We’re planning for a concert tour in four cities within the country.

T: I think it was given a name like “Beach Valentine’s Day Live!”

G: Yes. Starting from Kyushu, to Kansai, Kanto, and finally Hokkaido.

T: Feels like it gets colder and colder ><

G: Well it is February (lol)

G: The last performance will be on Valentine’s Day. No matter what, we have to hold it at Hokkaido; (she) wouldn’t change her mind no matter what.

T: Anesagi-san?

G: Both Anesagi and Tenn. They say it really suits the atmosphere of the new song.

T: You mean the song used for the Valentine’s Day Live?

G: Yes. Apart from our version, there’s also IDOLiSH7’s and Re:vale’s versions, and probably a version sung by all twelve members.

G: The song’s impression is chocolates fallen from a snowing sky, so there might be a lot of fans that think of snowy scenes.

T: I see! So that’s why you chose Hokkaido!

G: It’s a performance that makes good use of nature. I’m really looking forward to it, too.

T: How nice! I think it suits Valentine’s Day very well!

G: For girls, Valentine’s Day must have a lot of very important meaning.

T: Yes, indeed. Speaking of Valentine’s Day feels like there’ll be even more of a romantic atmosphere than usual.

T: (lovey Kinako emoji)

G: (laughing Kinako emoji)

G: Then we must make the Valentine’s Day Live a super extraordinary sweet night. I’m really looking forward to it.

T: (excited Kinako emoji)

 PART 2 – The Way of Static Electricity

T: Thank you for your hard work, Yaotome-san!

T: Today’s recording was you, Tamaki, and Nagi’s part, thank you very much!

G: Thank you for your hard work, Takanashi. Thank you for specially contacting me as well.

T: Was your hair okay afterwards?

G: What do you mean?

T: Well it’s… I saw a photo of Tamaki using a plastic board to make your hair stand up like a rooster… I deeply apologise for this action ><

G: Oh, you saw that. How embarrassing.

T: It was the first time I’ve seen that hairstyle, but it suits you very well!

G: Thanks (lol)

G: Halfway through I became excited and started playing around as well. The feeling of returning to a child made me very happy, too.

T: Did Yaotome-san also play with static electricity in the past?

G: I was a naughty little boy when I was young, too.

G: Definitely. I played everything that kids play. Making stamps out of erasers, making slingshots out of chopsticks and rubber bands.

T: It’s really nostalgic! I made those when I was a child, too! (lol)

G: When I saw Yotsuba taking out the plastic board, I was so nostalgic that I ended up playing around as well.

G: Speaking of which, he’s still a student, right? I suddenly feel like I’ve become old.

T: That’s not the case!

T: Out of our members, Iori and Tamaki are still high-school students, so Yuki and Momo say similar things whenever this topic comes up. lol

G: (lol)

G: Even though a lot of things happened, thanks to Yotsuba and Rokuya, the recording was a lot of fun.

T: It’s great that you say that!

[Choice 1]

T: How’s the recording for the new song going?

G: I sang as earnestly as usual, but maybe because I had a Mexican hairstyle, the staff members were a bit confused. Now that I think about it, I probably did something extreme (lol)

[Choice 2]

T: How was Tamaki’s condition?

G: We recorded the cover song together. Yotsuba’s English singing is as good as usual. It was so cool that even I was fascinated.

[Choice 3]

T: How was Nagi’s condition?

G: During break time, we used the tablet that Rokuya brought to watch anime together. Listening to such detailed explanations while watching, even if it were someone who watched this for the first time, they could easily understand the work’s world view.

G: Speaking of, we’re doing a surprise for Nikaido’s birthday on the second day of the Valentine’s Day Live, right?

T: Yes, that day is Yamato’s birthday, so everyone was planning on whether they could do something.

G: Don’t speak like we’re outsiders; bring us over to play, too.

T: Eh, but

T: I heard that TRIGGER is only participating in the first day of the Valentine’s Day Live.

G: Ah, that’s true. Then we’ll find a way to make an appearance on the second day.

T: Really?!

G: It’s still only in the planning stage, but we can’t miss out on this kind of ceremony.

T: That’s great!! I’m sure everyone will be really happy!!

T: Then I’ll go and confirm with Anesagi-san!!                

G: Okay. I’ll likely contact you in the group once we’ve made some adjustments with related personnel and officially confirmed it.

T: Thank you very much! I’m really looking forward to it!

G: (thumbs-up Pudding emoji)

T: (sparkly Kinako emoji)

 PART 3 – At Each One’s Respective Place

T: Thank you for your hard work, Yaotome-san! Thank you very much for today’s Valentine’s Day Live!

G: Thank you for your hard work as well, Takanashi.

G: The venue over there is really lively, right?

T: Yes, when TRIGGER appeared on the big screen, the cheers were about to lift the roof off!

T: There were also a lot of fans holding merchandise that said “Beach Live Concert Tour” at our venue!

G: That’s very pleasing. It must be merchandise purchased at the Yokohama performance last week.

T: There were also fans who spoke in Kansai, so there was probably also merchandise purchased from the Kobe performance!

G: Beach Live was unprecedented at both Yokohama and Kobe, and I felt the same enthusiasm today as well.

T: How is the Hokkaido venue?

G: The snow is falling harder than we imagined. Actually, right up until the performance started, we were holding our breaths wondering if we could successfully hold the concert.

T: Ah! Is that so?

G: The flight was also delayed because of bad weather conditions, and the railway was completely out of service. We went to the venue completely by car.

T: That must have been hard. I didn’t think so many difficult things happened ><

T: How deep is the snow?

G: Probably over one metre. When Ryu heard it, his eyes were round.

T: Since it usually doesn’t get this deep in Tokyo. Is everything going smoothly at the live?

G: The staff members tried their hardest to shovel the snow surrounding the stage. They even used a snow-removing vehicle.

G: The snow stopped in the afternoon, so we managed to make it to the performance.

T: I didn’t think that such an amazing live would have such a story behind it…!

G: No matter what, it’s great that we were able to successfully hold the concert.

G: But I once again felt that the success of a live is the result of many staff members’ support and mutual hard work.

G: And for the fans that braved the snow for us, it won’t be enough no matter how many times we thank them.

T: It really is like that…

T: I’m sure Yaotome-san’s feelings of thanks can reach everyone!

G: Yes, that would be the best.

G: How was our live?

[Choice 1]

T: Everyone’s dance moves were really great!

G: Actually we all had non-slip pads on the bottom of our shoes; it’s good that no one noticed (lol)

[Choice 2]

T: The song that was revised according to Valentine’s Day was really great!

G: Even though it was a familiar song, it felt like it had become a new song after being revised. It felt really refreshing to us as well.

[Choice 3]

T: Everyone’s stage costumes were really great!

G: They were clothes using gold and black as the base, and they really suit the venue lights’ atmosphere, right?

G: Tomorrow is Nikaido’s birthday surprise, right? We will also be connecting through a live broadcast, so please (take care of us)!

T: Yes! And please take care of us!

G: After the birthday celebration will be the simultaneous live broadcast of the new song between three major cities, right? I’m really looking forward to it.

G: Since the fans don’t know that it will be a version sung by all twelve people, the venue here will definitely be very lively tomorrow, too.

T: The venue here at Tokyo will probably be unprecedented as well!

T: I’m really looking forward to it, please look after us tomorrow!

G: Ah, same here.

T: (happy Kinako emoji)

G: (happy Kinako emoji)

 Part 4 – In the Cold Winter

G: Good morning, Takanashi.

G: I’m sorry for not being able to reply to your RC at the celebration last night.

T: Good morning, Yaotome-san!

T: I’m sorry for not knowing that you guys were having a celebration yesterday and wanting to quickly thank everyone who performed at the Valentine’s Day Live!

G: Takanashi, you’re too earnest. (lol)

G: Nikaido and the other members also thanked me through RC, even though we already said not to mind it…

T: But Yamato’s birthday surprise could be a success thanks to TRIGGER’s help!

T: Thank you so much!

G: It’s great that the surprise could be a success.

G: Nikaido was the only one who didn’t know that we would be participating on the second day, right? Did it shock him?

T: Yes! Very surprised!

T: When TRIGGER appeared on the big screen and sang the birthday song, Yamato was so surprised that he looked at the screen twice!

G: (lol)

G: We were talking about this even during the celebration.

G: It’s not that easy to see Nikaido shaken (lol)

T: Yamato really was especially happy, it’s great that it was a success!

[Choice 1]

T: How was the second day of the Valentine’s Day Live?

G: During the MC of the first half of the live, we said that in a while we would be connecting to give Nikaido a birthday surprise. Everyone laughed and agreed, so I felt really happy. Nikaido is loved by our fans as well.

[Choice 2]

T: How was the birthday song that everyone sang together?

G: After connecting through the live broadcast, we were the first to sing, right, so we were a bit nervous. We even debated whether to sing Yamato or Nikaido after the “happy birthday dear” part. In the end, we still ended up singing his full name (lol)

[Choice 3]

T: How was the song that all twelve members sang together?

G: Three cities simultaneously doing a live broadcast, Tokyo and Northern Europe being connected really felt especially incredible. This means that we successfully showered chocolate snow around the whole world, right?

G: Thinking back, it really was a fulfilling day.

T: Really!

T: Where did TRIGGER hold their celebration?

G: We reserved an entire sushi place and invited all staff members and the people who helped to clear the snow. We wanted to thank them no matter what.

T: How nice!

G: And also, we simply wanted to try Hokkaido’s sushi.

T: Not bad! Even I want to try it now! lol

G: Me too (lol)

G: Even though I just ate it yesterday.

G: There’s still a bit of time before boarding the flight, so I’m going to go look around and buy some things.

T: Has Yaotome-san arrived at the airport now?

G: Yes. We’re taking the morning flight back to Tokyo.

T: Sorry for sending you RC when you’re so busy ><

G: It’s okay. I was the one who messaged you first. Thank you for chatting with me.

G: I’ll also go see if there are any souvenirs that I can buy for you and IDOLiSH7.

T: Ahhh please don’t mind it…!

G: I’m the one who wants to bring it for you guys, so don’t worry. I’ll bring it along next time we work together.

T: Thank you so much!!

T: I’ll also be making some small Valentine’s Day snacks next time, so I’ll bring some along as well when we greet everyone!

G: Thank you, I look forward to it.

T: (shy Pudding emoji)

 Part 5 – Gaku’s Valentine’s Day

G: Thank you for your hard work, Takanashi. I’m sorry for missing out today.

G: Thank you for the gift you sent. It was delicious.

T: Thank you for your hard work, Yaotome-san! I’m very thankful that you especially sent a RC to contact me!

T: It’s great that the things I sent were to your taste! In accordance with the image of the new song, I tried to make white truffles.

G: I see, so the chocolate was made to resemble snow.

G: Tenn really enjoyed it as well, and even had his eyes on mine and Ryu’s share.

T: (laughing Kinako emoji)

T: It’s great that I could make you guys happy!

T: The office received souvenirs sent from Hokkaido a few days ago. I didn’t think we’d receive such a big crab! The president and the employees were so happy that they jumped!

G: Mentioning Hokkaido means crabs, right?

G: Even though Tenn said, “Are you really going to send this?” I made the decision myself. Ryu also bought it to send to his family.

T: So he even bought some for his own purpose. Then this means…

G: Yes, we’re having crab pot tonight. Ryu’s special.

T: As I thought!

G: I heard that IDOLiSH7 held a friendship chocolate party. We were also planning to have a Valentine’s Day gathering, but it already turned out to be a crab pot gathering (lol)

T: It feels like I saw an excitedly cooking Tsunashi-san.

G: We also bought chocolate and red wine for Valentine’s Day. I’ll show you a photo.

T: Really! There’s so much on the table!

G: There was no time to make them ourselves, so we bought ready-made ones.

G: We also brought a bit of the souvenirs from the cities we visited during Beach Live. It’s an appreciation of good food from different places.

[Choice 1]

T: Which one does Yaotome-san like the most?

G: For me, probably the red wine. It was the first time I could compare and appreciate red wine bought from places all around Japan. Lately, the taste of the wine produced by our country doesn’t lose to wine from overseas.

[Choice 2]

T: Which one does Kujo-san like the most?

G: For Tenn, probably the chocolate. He’s very weak to limited local products. He always says, “We’re already here,” and then buys a whole bunch.

[Choice 3]

T: Which one does Tsunashi-san like the most?

G: Ryu likes the crab most. During the celebration in Hokkaido, he happily ate a whole bunch as well. He seems to really like it.

T: An appreciation of good food from all around the world. How nice! We should try it next time as well!

G: Gathering souvenirs brought from all around the world by seven people would be really extravagant. Call on us then, too.

T: Okay! Definitely!

T: (sparkly Kinako emoji)

G: (laughing Kinako emoji)

Follow me on Twitter for more of my IDOLiSH7 shenanigans! 

[authortist]

Slippery Luck Chapter 8: Cheated

First 

Previous

FF.net

Adrien packed his skates up slowly. He had asked Nathalie to talk to his father about a birthday party but dreaded hearing the decision. He already knew the answer. He closed his eyes, sighing in preparation for leaving the locker area and having to hear her answer. The smell of something rotten tickled his nose and he opened his eyes wanting to jump ten feet away at the cheese wheel in his face.

"Happy birthday kid!" Plagg shouted, and Adrien did jump back about a foot.

"Ugh, Plagg!" Adrien said, pinching his nose. "Thanks, but no thanks."

"Eh, more for me then," Plagg said, dropping the cheese wheel back into a sack. "So, got any special plans for the day? Besides practicing with Ladybug that is."

"Well, I was hoping to have a birthday party, and Nathalie is asking my father, but I already know the what the answer will be." Adrien's shoulders slumped as he lifted his bag.

"You never know kid. Something crazy could happen," his mentor said smirking.

"Yea right, not with my dad. Thanks, though," Adrien said walking toward the exit. "I'll see you tonight."

"Have a good day, Adrien. Happy birthday."

Nathalie was standing outside the entrance to the locker area, ending a phone call as he exited the dimly lit hall. "Hey, Nathalie."

"Hello, Adrien," she greeted. "Are you ready to head home for your piano lesson?" She said it like a question, but he knew it wasn't. Maybe she was trying to give him some sense of choice on his birthday, but it didn't help, so he only nodded.

They walked through the rink in silence, then sat in the limo in more silence. Eventually, she spoke up, handing her tablet to him. "Here's your schedule for today."

"Thanks." He looked over it, lapsing back into silence. The list was the same as yesterday, and the day before that, and most likely tomorrow. He looked out the window as they entered the front gate. He handed the tablet back to her as they came to a stop. When they entered the house he stopped and looked at Nathalie. "Hey, did my father get back to you about my birthday party?"

"Well, um," she said, and he knew the answer. "Your father doesn't think it would be a good idea."

"Course not," he said, walking toward the stairs.

He heard her heels click on the cold marble floor, then stop. "Happy birthday, Adrien. We can go back to the rink as soon as your lesson is over."

He turned to look at her and noticed how tired she seemed. "Thank you," he said, giving her a small smile at her attempt to help.

Marinette darted out of her house and toward the ice rink, a present clutched protectively to her chest. When she arrived she quickly clocked in and moved toward the concession room opening the glass door to be greeted with the bitter-sweet smell of coffee. Like usual, whoever had already been in to make the first batch was long gone.

Marinette breathed in the familiar smell, hoping to calm her nerves with something normal. Moving behind the counter, she stashed her bag and the present away to avoid the possibility of her clumsiness causing a spill and ruining it. Satisfied, she set to work checking the already made coffee pot's contents, then started a batch of decaf. She prepared the cash register and restocked the snacks.

Like clockwork, she finished restocking as Alya made her way into the warm room, this time already holding a red and black spotted travel coffee cup.

"Morning girl," Alya said waving her cup at Marinette and dropping her computer bag onto a table before moving towards the counter.

"Morning," she responded. "Already caffeinated for the day?"

"Yep, thought I should probably cut back on my spending, so I made some at home. Besides, had to use my new Ladybug themed travel mug. What do you think?" she asked, holding it up for inspection.

Marinette's eyes widened at it. "They're already making merchandise? But Ladybug and Chat Noir only showed up two weeks ago. And they're just a couple of ice dancers, not superheroes. I'm surprised they think there's a market."

"Woah, stop right there. They are more than just figure skaters. They're Paris legends. Role models, too," Alya said, eyebrows raised, before lowering the cup onto the counter. "But, you're right. This was just a pattern I found online. Not Ladybug and Chat Noir merchandise specifically. Though that would be sweet."

"You think they're legends?" Marinette asked.

"Well, yea," Alya said with a shrug. "Ladybug and Chat Noir were a huge deal when I was little, all of the Miraculous skaters were. But those two… I mean, I seriously doubt they're the same skaters, but they're probably being trained by them, don't you think?"

Marinette balked then shrugged, giving her friend a smile. "I think I'll trust your writer's intuition for that one." She grabbed a rag and turned, busying herself with cleaning off the syrup bottles and rearranging them. "So, I guess they have a lot to live up to. Do you think they can do it?"

"Hmm, I guess you didn't see their debut. Because if you had, you wouldn't even question it," Alya said and Marinette turned back to look at her. "You should have seen them skate together, they were like one. And Ladybug was super confident. Chat Noir too, but he's kind of a dork when you talk to him. But, yea, I think they are more than capable of filling the skates they've been given."

Marinette warmed at her friend's words, turning back to the bottles to hide the blush covering her cheeks. "Sounds like you have a lot of faith in them."

"Yea," Alya said. "But enough about them. Did you finish your present for Adrien?" She drew out his name teasingly and Marinette knocked one of the bottles off of its place, it, in turn, knocking off two more. Alya snickered behind her.

Marinette huffed and turned to face Alya after righting the bottles, crossing her arms. "As a matter of fact, I did."

"Mmhm." Alya mirrored her, raising an eyebrow. "And are you actually going to give it to him?"

Marinette flinched, then grinned awkwardly as her hand came up to rub the back of her neck. "Y-yes, of course. Just as soon as he gets here."

"Right," Alya drawled out. "And are you actually going to be able to say anything to him without stuttering?"

"Umm...Maybe?" Marinette groaned, deflating slightly.

"Come on girl. You can do this," Alya said giving her a thumbs up. "Just two weeks ago you were telling him off because of the syrup. Nothing's changed."

"Right, nothing," Marinette said. "I just got a crazy crush on him, that's all."

"You just gotta be confident," Alya offered, moving back towards her table. "Like Ladybug. Now, I've got to work on some updates for the website, but I'll be here if you need another pep talk."

"Thanks, Alya."

"No problem girl."

"Right, like Ladybug," Marinette whispered to herself.

Adrien stepped out of the limo and hoisted his skate bag over his shoulder. He turned and saw Nino walking up to the door. "Hey Nino," he called, and the DJ turned, giving him a wave.

"Yo Adrien. Thought that limo looked familiar," he said, waiting at the door as Adrien bounded up the steps. "Happy birthday dude," he said, giving the model a light punch to the shoulder.

"Thanks, Nino."

"So, what's the news? Your father agree to a birthday party?" Nino asked as the made their way inside.

"No, he didn't think it was a good idea," Adrien responded, deflating slightly.

"Dude, seriously? Has your dad always been such a downer? You'd think he'd remember what it was like to be young and wanna party a little?"

"No, I'm pretty sure he was a downer back then too," Adrien said.

"It's your B-day dude, insist." Nino threw an arm over Adrien's shoulder as opened the door to concessions, the warmth washing over Adrien was now a familiar feeling. "You know what," Nino said. "I'm gonna have a convo with your Pops."

"Don't waste your time," Adrien replied. "He's not gonna change his mind."

As Adrien and Nino took a seat with Alya, she sent Marinette a look, who then quickly ducked behind the counter out of view. The blogger sighed, excusing herself and heading toward the counter, then heading through the small doorway that separated the back from the rest of the room. Marinette was crouched on the floor, forehead pressed against the present gripped in her hands like it could disappear any moment. Or maybe feeling like she might.

"Marinette?" Alya asked, and Marinette flinched. "You okay girl?"

She glanced up at Alya through her bangs. "I can't do it."

"Of course you can," Alya said. "You are Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Artist extraordinaire and best coffee maker in the city," she finished with a wink.

Marinette smiled and straightened her back, standing up. She took a couple of steps toward the doorway then looked back at Alya, who in turn made a strong pose for encouragement.

"You can do it. You can do it," Alya said.

"I can do it. I can do it," Marinette mirrored, glancing out the door at the boys, then whipped around and crouched on the floor again. "I can't do it. I can't do it."

Alya's hand met her face and she let out another sigh. "Uh, no you don't girl," Alya said, pulling Marinette to her feet and pushing her through the doorway, not stopping there. "No stalling. Now's the time." She gave one final push.

"Gah!" Marinette tripped on her feet, catching herself on the guys' table, stopping face to face with a wide-eyed Adrien. "Um, h-hey," she stammered, hiding the gift behind her back.

He gave her a smile raising a hand, eyes still wide with surprise as he responded. "Hey."

"I uh," Marinette started, now aware that Chloe loomed next to her. "I wanted to, um, gift you a make, I mean, gift you a give I made, I mean…"

Chloe fake yawned. "Get out of the way," she said, shoving Marinette away, then threw her arms around Adrien before he could react. "Happy birthday, Adrikins!" She kissed him on the cheek, but he made no move to return the embrace.

"Yea, thanks Chlo."

"Dummy," Marinette whispered on the floor as Alya offered her a hand up. Both ignoring Chloe's excuses of a missing present.

“Get back there," Alya hissed. "Don't be such a pushover, literally."

Marinette only offered an unsure hum in response.

"C'mon girl. You can't let Chloe get to you."

"I know," Marinette said, following it with a moan. "Why can't I just mean what I say?"

"Uh, you mean 'say what you mean'?"

"Exactly," Marinette answered, raising a finger in agreement with Alya's comment.

Both looked up at the sudden noise as a group of skaters came through the door. Rose, in front, giving them a wave.

"Marinette, Alya! Hi!" she said.

"Hey," they both offered to her and the group.

"I'll be with you in a second," Marinette said, then turned back to Alya. "Well, back to work."

"But what about the present?" Alya's voice taking on a false whisper.

Marinette shrugged. "I'll give it to him later. Work comes first."

"I'm not gonna let you get out of this," Alya said, pointing at her.

"I know." Marinette gave Alya what she hoped was a thankful smile, before moving back behind the counter. Rose was at the front of the line, making animated gestures as she talked, Mylene and Nathaniel listening to her. "Hey guys," Marinette said to get their attention. Three pairs of eyes turned to look at her, Nathaniel's quickly darting up at the menu. "What can I get you today?"

"I'll just take a water," Rose said, handing Marinette some money as she typed onto the register.

"I'll also take a water and…" Mylene said stepping forward and peaking into a display case. "I'll also take a snack bar."

"Alrighty," Marinette said, taking the money and putting it in the register, then looking up at the redhead who was still browsing the menu. "What about you, Nath?"

He started then met her gaze. "Just a water, thank you," he answered quickly then handed her some money.

After ringing him up she moved around the area, pulling out the snack bar and grabbing three bottles of water. As she handed them off Alya made her way back to the counter. Marinette glanced around at the tables, noticing a missing blonde, then looked back at Alya.

"Where did Adrien go?" she asked.

"Just ducked out," Alya said, giving Marinette a sympathetic smile. "He went to get on the ice for a bit."

They both looked over as the scooting of a chair caught their attention. Nino exited the room holding to door open as Wayzz came in.

Marinette stiffened, returning her co-worker's greeting nod, then slipping her phone out of her pocket. No messages. But it was getting close to public skate, so she wasn't surprised to see him. Even though she had gotten used to working with him, a jolt always went through her anytime he showed up, making her second guess if she was supposed to appear as Ladybug. She looked back up and smiled. "Hello, Wayzz."

"Hello, Miss Marinette. How are you today?" he asked, joining her behind the counter.

"I'm good," she said. "How about you?"

"I am doing well today, thank you." He turned to Alya, who was still leaning against the counter. "And how are you today, Miss Alya?"

"No complaints," Alya responded, squinting at him. "You gonna tell me why I recognize you today? Or do I have to keep guessing?"

Marinette rolled her eyes at her friend's persistence. Ever since she had met Wayzz, Alya had insisted that there was something familiar about him, but he had offered her no answer. She hadn't let it go and asked him questions every time. Although, Marinette was sure at this point that Alya was just making random guesses to try and get him to give up and tell her. He didn't seem to mind, mostly just amused.

When Wayzz only shrugged at Alya's questions, she gave him a small glare and walked back to the table she had occupied with Nino and Adrien earlier.

Marinette had to admit that the blogger was onto something. Wayzz was too old for them to have met at school, but since Mr. Damocles had stated that Wayzz had worked at the rink off and on for years, Marinette left it at that.

She looked back at the rink through the windows and caught a mop of blond hair. Adrien was gliding across the ice with the most graceful ease she had ever seen, and her heart beat a little faster. Her eyes tracked him as he easily swiveled to skate backward for a few feet then turn back around and come to an easy stop next to some kids that seemed to be asking some questions.

"Would you like to take a lunch break before it gets crowded?" Marinette most certainly did not jump at Wayzz's sudden question. Or maybe she had. Just slightly. She liked to think that she quickly composed herself though.

"Um, yes, that would be nice," she responded. "Thank you."

"Not a problem."

She quickly grabbed a fork and napkin from the counter, then rifled through her bag for her lunch. She moved out from behind the counter then looked back at him. "I'm going to sit on the bleachers and watch the skaters while I eat. Just holler if you need me."

She turned at his nod and made her way over to Alya, who was focused on the window she had open on her computer. "I'm on a lunch break, wanna join me?"

They watched the skaters for a while as Marinette ate. Well, Alya watched the skaters, taking photos for the rink's social media. Marinette watched Adrien. He was definitely at ease on the ice, but not around the crowd. The were several times where he would land awkwardly or end a spin to soon, worry etched across his features as the general public would cross into his path, completely unaware of trajectory or plans. He had gotten more comfortable and able to sense others over the weeks he had been there.

Her lunch break ended too soon, as she realized the rink was beginning to get packed, and she should return to work before the crowd got overwhelming.

Once back behind the counter, Marinette put away her food containers and checked once again on Adrien's present. Satisfied, she returned back to work, her and Wayzz getting into a rhythm as the line grew.

Adrien glanced in through the windows of the concession room, confused when only Alya was left at their table. Pulling the door open he leaned inside and got her attention.

"I'm fixing to head out," he said. "Photoshoot. Where did Nino go?"

"I think he said something about talking to your dad? But he didn't really explain before dashing out," she said.

"What? But how would he even…" He felt his skin go cold in realization, his bag dropping from his shoulder. "Thanks, Alya, I'll see you later."

He dashed out not waiting for a response. His eyes glued on the entrance where his best friend stood talking animatedly to Nathalie. Or rather, talking to his father on the tablet Nathalie held. Adrien walked up unnoticed as Nino listed off Adrien's activities. Nathalie glanced up at him, but his father's gaze was fixed coldly on his Nino.

"Nino?" Adrien asked, reaching out to touch his friends arm, hoping to calm him down. "What are you doing?"

"Anything for my best bud," Nino said, turning to him with a smile. He turned back to Mr. Agreste, pleading. "Show some awesomeness du-I mean sir. Please."

Adrien wanted to shrink at his father's steely glare, grabbing more firmly onto Nino's arm. "Don't worry about it, Nino. Really, it's fine."

Mr. Agreste's voice cut the silence. "Listen, young man, I decide what is best for my son." His voice was as cold and hard as ice. "In fact, I've just decided you're a bad influence and I never want to hear about the two of you hanging out again."

Cold pressed against Adrien's heart and he stepped forward, his hand losing its grip on his friend's arm. "Father, he was just trying to do something nice for me." His efforts were met with a disapproving glare before his father disappeared from the screen. Nino turned to leave, but Adrien grabbed onto his arm again, ignoring Nathalie's look of warning. "Nino, wait! I'm sorry. My father-he's pretty stubborn. It's just best to stay out of his way." His head drooped down. He didn't know if he was embarrassed, or ashamed that he hadn't done more to stand up for Nino. "It's not fair, Adrien," Nino said, his voice matching the hurt in his eyes. "That was really harsh, uncool." He pulled out of Adrien's grasp and walked towards the DJ booth. "Thanks anyway, Nino," Adrien said, barely able to hear himself.

"Adrien, it's time to leave," Nathalie said, getting his attention.

"Right," he responded, a defeated sigh escaping past his lips. It was then that realized his bag was missing and sighed again. "I left my bag in concessions."

"I'll retrieve it," Nathalie said, stopping him before he walked away. "Go on out to the car."

He nodded, and walked past her without a glance, pushing open the door and being met with the summer warmth. He climbed into the black car pulled up to the curb, feeling defeated.

Marinette watched the door patiently, waiting for Adrien to come back for his bag, which had been dropped in his hasty retreat. Alya had brought it in and set it at their table to get it out of the way.

Wayzz was busy cleaning off the unoccupied tables, preparing them for when more customers inevitably came in.

Marinette just watched. And waited. And tried not to crumple of the wrapping of the present she held.

He didn't come back. Instead, the woman that was always there to keep him on schedule came through the door, searching. She caught Alya's attention, who in turn glanced over to Marinette, receiving a shrug.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Alya said, getting the woman's attention. "Are you looking for Adrien's bag?"

Nathalie straightened at that. "Yes, he said it was in here."

Alya pulled the bag out of the seat next to her and handed it over.

"Thank you," Nathalie said, dipping her head in gratitude.

Marinette started, realizing Adrien most likely wouldn't be back that day. "Wait," she cried as Nathalie's hand reached for the door. The woman stopped and looked back at Marinette as she scrambled out from behind the counter, barely composing herself as she came to a stop in front of the woman face red. She clutched the present to her chest, trying to get out any words that she could. "Um, hi, I'm one of Adrien's friends and, I, uh." She held the gift out a little, then rubbed the back of her neck.

Nathalie held her hand out. "I'll give it to him."

"Thank you," Marinette said, smiling awkwardly as she handed it over. Nathalie slid it into a bag, dipped her head at Marinette, then left. Marinette sighed with relief, slumping slightly.

"You put a signed card with it, right?" Alya asked. Marinette gasped, then slumped farther and groaned. "Girl, girl, girl," Alya said, bringing her hand to her forehead.

Nathalie answered her phone as she walked back to the entrance of the rink, readying herself. "Hello,"

"Have you left the rink yet?" Mr. Agreste asks, voice still hard from the conversation he'd had with a young man earlier.

"We are about to," she replied. "A young girl, one of Adrien's friends, stopped me to give me his birthday present. He was already in the car."

"I see. Did you remember to buy him a present from me?" He asked, voice slightly softer.

"Um, uh, but, you didn't ask me to."

"Of course I did!" he yelled, and she had to pull the phone away from her ear.

"Yes Mr. Agreste," she stammered, stopping in her tracks. "I'll take care of it."

A layer of sweat built up on Nathalie's brow as she hung up the phone. As she opened her bag, her hand brushed against the present the young girl had entrusted her with. She pulled it out and found no card, or anything marking who it was from, and sighed in relief. This would have to do.

The rest of the day passed by slowly for Adrien. The photoshoot had been tedious, as had piano lessons. His father hadn't been present at any point in the day aside from the video call he had interrupted between his father and Nino. He was ready to get out of there and be Chat Noir. Be free for at least a few short hours, and see his lady again.

His phone dinged, interrupting his thoughts. The text tone he had set specifically for Nino, who he had not heard from since they'd parted ways so quickly. He dove for it.

/Yo dude. If you're able to sneak out meet me at the rink./ - Nino

/At closing time/ - Nino

Adrien stared at his phone, eyebrows inching up.

/what's goin on?/

He waited, but his message went unread. One minute. Two. Five.

A sigh escaped Adrien and he switched over to his text conversation with Plagg.

/is somthng goin on at the rnk tonght?/

/Not that I know of kid. I'll ask Tikki./ - Plagg

/i just got a weird txt from nino askng me to meet him there at clsng?/

/Probably something for your birthday. You should do it./ - Plagg

/but wut about training?!/

/It's your birthday. You may never get this chance again. One night won't hurt./ - Plagg

/And would it hurt you to spell properly? Tikki said to bring your CN stuff./ - Plagg

Adrien shook his head at his mentor's insistence of good spelling, even through text. Something that had surprised him at first. He sent Nino a quick message, letting him know he'd be there, again receiving no response, then double checked his Chat bag.

Whispers had been passed person to person in the rink throughout the day as Marinette worked, skaters and hockey players had stuck around longer than usual, or had come back after being gone for only a couple hours. Alya had acted suspiciously after Nino had pulled her out of the room to have a conversation with her. Marinette found herself completely out of the loop.

Thirty minutes before closing, Alya walked into concessions after having disappeared when her shift ended.

"Hey Alya," Marinette said. "What are you doing back here?"

"Can't a girl just come to visit her bestie at work?" Alya asked mouth pulled to one side. "Is Wayzz still around?" Alya's voice dropped to a whisper and she leaned over the counter looking cautiously into the back.

"No," Marinette said, eyebrow raised.

Alya stood straight again, guard dropped back down. "Good, we're trying not to include any of the adults," she said then dashed for the door.

"Not include any adults in what exactly?" Marinette asked as Alya leaned out of the door and waved someone their way.

When Alya turned back towards Marinette, a grin was splitting her face. "Nino's throwing a surprise party for Adrien as soon as the rink closes. We're going to leave the cake and snacks in here."

"What?" Marinette gaped as some of the skaters walked past the large windows and toward the door carrying multiple bags. Kim brought up the rear with a cake box sporting the logo of her parents' bakery. They came through the doors and headed straight for the counter.

"You filled Marinette in yet?" Kim asked as he set the box down.

"Yep," Alya said.

"Great," he said. Max, Julika, and Mylene moved to join Marinette behind the counter.

"G-guys, did you get permission to do this?" Marinette stammered as they started hiding some of the bags on shelves.

"Kinda?" was Alya's only response.

"What do you mean kinda?" Marinette said crossing her arms. "I'm not exactly able to let you do whatever back here just because we're all friends-"

"Even if it's for Adrien," Alya whispered at her, cutting her off.

Before Marinette could respond, a brightly clad hooded figure burst through the doors and toward the counter.

"Everyone, hide or act natural!" he shouted, ducking through the doorway to get behind the counter. "Mr. Damocles is coming. Kim, get that cake out of sight."

"Right," Kim said with a nod, shoving it towards Marinette as the others ducked out of view. He and Alya leaned casually on the counter like they were having a normal conversation.

"Marinette," Alya hissed. "Hide the cake."

Still not sure what was going on, or how she felt about it. Marinette moved the box from her parents' bakery carefully onto the shelf under the counter in front of her just as Mr. Damocles came through the door.

"Hello, children," he said, making his way towards them.

"Hello, Mr. Damocles," they chorused. Marinette glanced down at the hooded figure, whose face she still hadn't seen. His voice had been too frantic for her to recognize. He glanced up at her, his gold eyes sparkling in mischief as he held a finger up to his mouth and winked.

"Miss Cesaire, your shift ended two hours ago. What are you doing here?" Mr. Damocles was asking, and Marinette turned her attention back to him.

"Oh, Marinette and I have plans to hang out when she gets off work, so I thought I'd come by early." If Alya's answer seemed strained or suspicious, the manager didn't notice. When he turned his attention towards Kim, Marinette spoke up.

"We ended up deciding to go to a movie, and Kim and some of the other skaters are coming too, so we're all going to meet up here," she said, taking a breath. She hoped he didn't catch how rushed it came out.

"Well have fun, but be safe," Mr. Damocles said. "I'm just making rounds before close up. Would you lock the door behind you, Marinette?"

"Of course, Mr. Damocles," she said.

As soon as he exited the room, they let out a collective sigh loud enough Marinette worried it would call him back.

Those behind the counter stood and began going through the contents of the bags. The hooded figure stood and placed a hand on Marinette's shoulder.

"Thanks for covering for us, Marinette," he said, as his hand came up to drop the hood. There stood Nino, in a bright primary color striped hoodie. The most ridiculous fashion choice she had ever seen anyone make. "Don't worry," he continued. "I'll take the heat if we're caught."

"We won't get caught," Alya said. She squeezed his shoulder in hopes of reassuring him. "You wouldn't be able to cover for us anyway."

Marinette jumped at a vibration in her pocket and winced as nearly everyone turned a questioning eye her way. She slowly pulled the phone from its place and gave them what she hoped was an innocent grin.

/Mr. Damocles just left, but people are still here. What's going on?/ Tikki

With a sigh, Marinette stashed the phone. "Um," she started, getting her friends' attention. Her right arm came to rub her left as she tried to think of an excuse to leave the room. "I need to call my parents and let them know I'm going to be late coming home. I'll just be a moment." When she received an okay from Nino she walked out from behind the counter and then exited the room.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket again, unlocked it and selected her mentor's contact. As she looked for a secluded place from those working on the surprise party, she brought the phone up to her ear and waited for Tikki to answer. She didn't have to wait long.

"Marinette, what's going on? Why are there still so many people here?" Tikki's voice came out of the speaker rapidly.

"They're throwing a surprise party for Adrien," Marinette said, her eyes darting around.

"What? Can they do that?"

"Oh Tikki, I don't know what to do." Marinette sighed. "They didn't get permission, but they're not hurting anything, and I mean, it's a party for Adrien, but I also have to practice, and what if Mr. Damocles finds out, but I don't want to rat them out and they expect me to be okay with it-"

"Marinette." Tikki interrupted. "Take a deep breath please."

She obliged.

"Good. Now, you said they didn't get permission?" Tikki asked.

"Right."

"But, they're also not hurting anything."

"Mm-hmm."

"Did you tell them you didn't think it was a good idea?" Tikki wasn't scolding. Her voice was gentle and encouraging if anything.

"I didn't really get the chance to," Marinette said, reluctant at first. "What's worse is I don't think the surprise party is a bad idea, but…"

"Oh, it is a very sweet idea," Tikki said, trying to help.

"But they didn't get permission," Marinette finished. "And I don't think I would be able to tell them that they should have it somewhere else. Adrien...all of them would see me as a major party pooper."

The line was silent for a moment. "What if you told them as Ladybug?"

Marinette pondered that for a minute. Her opinion as Ladybug held more weight than as Marinette. They wouldn't be angry at Ladybug for shutting the party down.

"That would actually-"

"Marinette?" Alya called from behind her, cutting her off. Marinette turned to offer her friend an awkward smile.

"I'll be there in a little while," she said to Tikki, hoping Alya thought she was talking to her parents. "Love you, bye." Her words were rushed as she quickly hung up.

"I was worried you'd run off," Alya said. "You clear everything up with your parents?"

Marinette nodded in response. "Alya," she said quietly. "While I think this is a very sweet gesture for Adrien, I don't think it's a good idea to use the rink without permission. I won't rat everyone out. But I also don't want anyone to get caught."

Alya smiled gently at her. Understanding. No judgment. "I understand girl. Don't worry," she said, placing a hand on Marinette's shoulder. "I'll try to convince Nino to keep it short and everyone will pitch in to clean up after." She ended with a hug, then pulled Marinette back towards the party preparations.

A/N

Hey, so this isn't the full episode obviously, but I wanted to go ahead and get this up. Also, I think I might put the definitions of the skating terms I use down here if I can remember to.

Cheating: A jump that was not fully rotated in midair, with either the first rotation starting on the ice or in the final rotation finishing after the landing.

I chose the term because in the Bubbler, it felt like many of the characters got "cheated" in some way.

[luciddeparture]

My first float tank experience:

Yesterday I had my first experience in a sensory deprivation tank, and though it was highly enjoyable, I couldn’t help but wish it had been slightly more spectacular. 

The morning of the float tank session I woke up dizzyingly excited. You see I had been hanging out to hop into one of these things for a while now, but had been putting it off due to the price. Luckily for me, my girlfriend had bought me a pass as a gift for our anniversary. If you are reading this now, thank you! 

Up until recently the venue had been closed due to COVID-19. It felt as though I had been waiting for an eternity. But the day was here so I jumped on a tram. I arrived at the building approximately 10 minutes early for my appointment, unsure of what to expect. As I walked in I was greeted with an inviting space, similar to that of a yoga studio. White walls, natural light, and minimalistic design. In the centre of the room was a large wooden table with some extravagant looking tea at its centre. It appeared nobody else was in the building. 

I sat down and made myself comfortable, eagerly waiting until a man came out from a room at the back. I greeted him enthusiastically, before realising that he didn’t actually work at the place. Whoops. However he did say that “I was in for an amazing experience”. So I sat back down and continued to patiently wait. 

About a minute later a young lady emerged from the room. This time I hesitantly waited for her to greet me, however I suspected that she might work here due to the ethereal tattoo on her arm. 

“Hi, are you here for the float tank?”

Bingo. Not that you should usually go around profiling people. 

I replied yes and she proceeded to give me a smart tablet which she called an “iPad”. It definitely was not an iPad, but I quickly stopped myself from correcting her. Maybe it’s silly, but if you had a Nokia phone you wouldn’t call it an iPhone now would you? At the end of the day who cares but at that moment in time it caught my attention, but that’s besides the point. 

She offered me tea, which I happily excepted and she asked me to sign a waiver; a voluntary relinquishment or surrender of some known right or privilege; just incase I accidentally drowned myself in the tank. I skimmed the document and quite literally signed, my life away. 

She then opened the door and showed me where the bathrooms were, suggesting that I used them before hopping into the tank, which I did. 

She then took me into one of the rooms where the tank was located. It looked like a giant modern bathroom. In the right side of the room was a literal shower, and in the middle was the tank. It looked like a spaceship or something else from a science fiction film. I couldn’t help but think somehow it reminded me of an Apple product with it’s flawless design. Maybe it was… but I highly doubt it. 

A blue glow emanated from the tank. 

I was instructed to have a shower before and after the tank in order to not contaminate the water. She showed me how to open and close the tank, and showed me the emergency button before she left and I was there on my own. 

I stripped my clothes off until I was in my birthday suit,  and had a quick shower before walking over to the float tank and climbing into the glowing blue water. 

The water was almost identical to my body temperature. I could barley feel it, as I lowered the lid of the tank. I turned off the light as calming meditation like music played in the background. 

For my entire life I’ve never been able to float on my back, for some reason I am just unable to. I usually just sync. However the vast amount of epson salts in the water lifted me easily. It's a surreal experience just being able to float. The only problem was that for some reason I just seemed to drive too easily. I would close my eyes and listen to the music, only to slowly bonk into the side of the tank. 

Before I had got into the tank the lady had informed me that the music would play for 10 minutes at the start of the session, and play for another 5minutes at the end. The rest would be 60 minutes of silence. I know that for some of you that might be your version of hell, but having meditated almost daily for two years now, I am comfortable spending time alone with my thoughts. I was excited. I was ready to explore my subconscious in hopefully a new and exciting way, if of course I didn’t drown. 

The music stopped. Silence.

I kept my eyes shut for the majority of the session, not that it would have made much of a difference and spent the ten minutes trying to get comfortable. Eventually i settled with my hand by my side and just began to focus on my breath. 

The rest of my experience was a bit of a blur with only certain moments of recollection which I will include here: 

Feeling a great sense of serenity. 

I felt like I lost all concept of time, with bursts of it feeling both slow and fast simultaneously.

Most obscurely I felt reminded of what it was like to be in the womb. It sounds absurd and strange but at one point my subconscious felt like it was saying… So this is what it was like. 

Bumping against the side of the walls repeatedly. Interestingly enough as you float it feels like you are going at super speed, almost like you are falling.

For the last 10 minutes or so, despite using the bathroom before the tank, I was busting. Sick bastards shouldn’t have put such delicious looking tea on the table. 

And then it was over. The music started playing. I got out of the tank and immediately showered, got dressed and left. 

Surprisingly the most amazing part of the whole thing was leaving the building. I was blasted with sounds from all direction, incredible smells and of course blown away by the spectrum of different colours. I was shocked that being in the tank had this effect on me. 

After this rush of stimuli I suddenly understood why people do it. I was awestruck by the beauty of everything I could see, hear and smell. Going into the tank I had expected to love the tank. Leaving the tank made me love the world. 

Would I go back? Definitely, but at a $50 price point I don’t think I would go any more than once a year. I do however recommend that you should try it, but with potentially lower expectations than what I had. 

[thekaeb3412-blog]

The Story of How I Fell In Love With Unwritten History

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met . 

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side . 

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t . 

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending . 

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace . 

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock . 

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling eachother out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our friend Ladaya , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack . 

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

 We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete faliure in the relationship . 

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept amking promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I desrved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal . 

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health . 

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . 

[amaperson]

I was tagged by @ur-always-worth-it. Thanks a bunch friend!!!

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my grandma 3. Text message: probably to @bloodybaelish 4. Song you listened to: I Am An Island by PhemieC   5. Time you cried: dunno I’m a crybaby.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: nope 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: that would require me to have kissed someone before 8. Been cheated on: lol no 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: very thanks 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: alcohol tastes like shit no.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. orange 13. blue 14. purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: no I’ve been a lump 16. Fallen out of love: nope still a lump 17. Laughed until you cried: YES MY BROTHER IS A DINGUS I GOT HIM TO DRINK VANILLA AND HIS FACE WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yeah 19. Met someone who changed you: still a lump 20. Found out who your friends are: I guess? I’m the dingus that doesn’t talk to my friends. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: again, I haven’t kissed anyone.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them 23. Do you have any pets: many cats, a dog, and some birds 24. Do you want to change your name: nah, my name’s fine. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: went bowling with some friends. 26. What time did you wake up: 3:30 am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Hiveswap 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: before I went to bed 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’d be nice not to have crippling anxiety and panic attacks 31. What are you listening to right now: Megalovania (don’t judge me) 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Only the ghost in our high school that we named Tom. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My dad being a dick 34. Most visited Website: tumblr

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME

35. Mole/s: none 36. Mark/s: I’ve got a lot of scars from various things 37. Childhood dream: hmm, probably to just know what’s going on for once 38. Haircolour: blondeish-brown 39. Long or short hair: It’s pretty short, but I think I’m gonna let it grow long again. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: last time I thought I had a crush it was actually because this guy made me really uncomfortable and I couldn’t tell. 41. What do you like about yourself: I’m funny 42. Piercings: just my ears 43. Bloodtype: O I think 44. Nickname: Claire or Rissa 45. Relationship status: single and ready to stay in my box until someone forces me out of it. 46. Zodiac: Capricorn 47. Pronouns: they/them 48. Favourite TV Show: Gravity Falls 50. Right or left handed: right 51. Surgery: My hip was out of place as a baby, and I had my tonsils out 52. Hair dyed in different color: I’d like to, but it isn’t right now. 53. Sport: marching band bruh 55. Vacation: The beach is the best!!!! 56. Pair of trainers: I have like two pairs of sneakers and I don’t know where any of them are

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: I don’t think I ate yesterday. Shit. 58. Drinking: Pepsi but my favorite is Dr. Pepper 59. I’m about to: try to get my gosh darn drawing tablet to work. 61. Waiting for: my drawing tablet to stop being a fuck. 62. Want: to get my life together without a panic attack. 63. Get married: maybe someday. 64. Career: I either want to go into animation or character design. I don’t know which yet. 65. Hugs or kisses: Yes yes thank you I love affection. 66. Lips or eyes: eyes, I guess 67. Shorter or taller: I’m kinda short, but not that short. I’m like in that weird middle area. 68. Older or younger: huh? 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: what? 71. Sensitive or loud: I’m sensitive. Super jumpy 72. Hook up or relationship: a relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: I’m hesitant until I get comfortable, then I start fucking around

HAVE YOU EVER

74. Kissed a stranger: no 75. Drank hard liquor: no 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t even need glasses punks 77. Turned someone down: sort of, yeah 78. Sex in the first date: that would require me to have been on a date before. 79. Broken someone’s heart: probably not. 80. Had your heart broken: nah not really 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: I’d probably only date someone if they were my friend first.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: depends. 85. Miracles: I want to 86. Love at first sight: no I’m ugly 87. Santa Claus: pfft, i’m 19 fellas 88. Kiss on the first date: I don’t think this is a concept to believe in as much as a thing that can happen. 89. Angels: yeah, I think so

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: Marcus. He’s the only one I’ve actually talked to in months. 91. Eyecolour: blue 92. Favourite movie: Nightmare Before Christmas. My sisters scared of it and it’s fun to pick on her. Plus I like the movie.

Guess I’ll tag @dirk-strider-bootyqueen @that-one-frying-pan @panzalion @bookiethequeen and whoever else wants to do it I guess.

[licncourt-replies]

Ch 3 A Change of Heart

Rhodey growled at his phone screen and tossed it with more force than necessary at the bed, missing it entirely and hitting the wall. It was Starktech. It would be fine.

“Dammit, Tony. Talk to me.” Face in his hands, he collapsed on the bed and fished his phone out from between the mattress and the wall, staring defeatedly at his friend’s contact picture, one of them together, in the suits with their helmets off; tired, but smiling at the camera. He didn’t bother calling again. Tony and his phone were inseparable. Besides, no matter where he was, Jarvis would inform him of incoming calls. If Tony wasn’t answering, it was because he didn’t want to. Tony was like a brother to him, but he was as stubborn as he was self-destructive, and the fact that he’d swallowed his pride and self-loathing long enough to call him at all didn’t bode well. With that at the forefront of his mind, James Rupert Rhodes made a decision. Stepping out into the blistering sunlight of the base, he brushed past his superiors, ignoring their commands.

“Rhodes! Get back here! The hell do you think you’re doing, Colonel?” Rhodey was silent as his armor scanned his biometrics and he stepped in. “I’m going to take some time off. I understand the consequences of my actions, and I’ll be prepared to accept the necessary disciplinary actions when I return. I have complete faith in my airmen to hold down the fort while I’m away. I’m sorry, General, but my best friend needs me.” He powered up War Machine without waiting for a response and blasted into the sky. “I’m on my way, Tony.”

By the time he touched down on the landing pad outside Tony’s workshop, his body was thrumming with anxiety. Usually, he could hear (and feel) the bass from the genius’s rock music and the clank of machinery as he approached the threshold, but today there was silence, and that scared the shit out of him. He tapped his fingers in a discordant pattern on his thigh as Jarvis took his readings without a word. The doors hissed open, and the silence was impossibly more oppressive inside the lab. After a brief scan of the room, he saw a pale hand limp on the floor, barely visible from behind a half disassembled trans am. His stomach dropped. He crossed the room in lunges and knelt by his friend’s prone form, slumped unceremoniously against the ratty couch. Rhodey’s eyes landed instantly on the half empty bottle vodka and the pill bottle that had rolled partially under the car.

“Jesus fuck, Tony, what did you do?” Despite his friend’s waxy skin, he was able to find a pulse, thankfully strong, if a bit slow. “Jarvis?”

“He’s alright, Colonel. Sir should awaken without issue once the drugs are out of his system.” Rhodey felt relief flood his body at Jarvis’s confirmation, quickly followed by rage.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me about this? Aren’t you supposed to be looking out for him?”

"I apologize, Colonel. Sir forbid me from answering your calls, and I was unable to override my programming in order to contact you. In an effort to avoid worrying you, sir does not allow me to inform you of any incidents unless his life is in imminent danger. In this case, my calculations indicated that sir was not in mortal danger, however reckless his action may have been.” The AI’s voice was regretful, but Rhodey was too worried to be forgiving.

“Whatever. Tony might be self-destructive, but I thought he was over this kind of stupidity. Drug and alcohol cocktails were for College Tony. He’s always drank more than I would have liked, but he worked so hard to sober up after MIT, and as far as I know he hasn’t been more than buzzed since his birthday party in 2010. What the hell brought this on?”

“I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to say, Colonel.” Rhodey hissed in frustration.

“It’s fine, Jarvis. We’ll deal with that later. For now, I’m going to get him up to his room." Rhodey hauled his friend into his arms, and Tony stirred briefly at the shift, just long enough to wrap his arms and legs around Rhodey like a drunk koala. Rhodey sighed and gave his back a pat. Knowing that Tony would try to sneak down to the lab without something to do when he woke up, Rhodey fumbled for his tablet off the desk. He noticed briefly that whatever happened must have been abrupt since the beginnings of a project were taking shape on the desk. He glanced at the specs, some sort of star-spangled body armor dated from today. It had been abandoned just a few hours in. Rhodey snorted. Good. He’d never gotten along with the Captain after how he’d treated Tony on the Helicarrier. He was a bit of a prick anyway.

Rhodey lugged Tony out of his lab and to the elevator, only having to stop and rest once. Wearing the War Machine armor had given his upper body strength a serious boost. Jarvis opened the elevator and moved them towards the penthouse without instruction. Once they arrived, he laid his friend out on the bed and sat down in the armchair beside it, face in his hands. He glanced over at Tony, who was still dead to the world. Rhodey was in it for the long haul, so he gave one last searching look at the still body on the bed and wandered into the walk in closet. Rifling through business suits and band shirts, he finally came across the drawer he was looking for, the one with “Platypus” emblazoned on the front in Sharpie. Tony insisted it stayed there permanently for when he roped Rhodey into impromptu sleepovers. He pulled his old MIT sweatshirt out, as well as some threadbare sweatpants. He stripped off his uniform and tugged them on. Maybe it was inappropriate to strip in a friend’s closet, but he doubted Tony would wake up. Besides, it wasn’t like he hadn’t walked in on worse in college. It would serve him right.

Rhodey wandered back into the bedroom where Tony was still down for the count, and on second thought, headed for the bathroom to get Advil and a glass of water. As he rifled through the drawers, his phone buzzed in the pocket of his sweatpants. His eyebrows shot to his hairline as he saw Steve Rogers’ caller ID. The only time any of the Avengers besides Tony called him, it was to get backup in a battle, but there hadn’t been any indication of a call to assemble.

“Hello, Captain. Is everything okay?” There was a pause on the other end.

“Yes, Colonel, everything’s fine. I was calling to set up a meeting with you, actually. Are you available anytime soon?” Rhodey’s brows rose impossibly higher.

“I’m on active duty at the moment, and I should technically be in Iraq right now. I’d need to get permission from my superiors to stay in New York.”

“Oh, you’re in the city? Why’s that?” Rhodey chose his words carefully, not wanting to get Tony into any trouble.

“Tony’s not feeling well, so I’m staying with him until he’s on his feet again.”

“Is that so? He seemed fine yesterday.” There was an edge to the Captain’s voice that set Rhodey on edge, strangely defensive of his friend.

“With all due respect, Captain, I’m not sure Tony’s health is any of your business, seeing as it’s never seemed to matter to you much in the past.” When he spoke again, Rogers’ voice had lost its veneer of civility.

“The meeting, Colonel?”

“The meeting can wait until my best friend is well again.” Rogers growled under his breath.

“Fine, but we need to talk.” Rhodey hung up on him.

By the time he returned to the bedroom, Tony was half conscious. Rhodey sat down on the edge of the bed and gave his shoulder a gentle push and a half smile.

“Honeybear?” Sleepy confusion painted Tony’s features, but he sounded pleased, if a bit perplexed. “Shouldn’t you be… somewhere?” Rhodey hummed in affirmation.

“Probably, but you didn’t return my calls, brat.”

“You flew all the way here because I didn’t answer your phone call? That seems dramatic, sourpatch.” Rhodey flopped out on his back on the bed and rolled to face Tony.

“Tones, you and I both know that I called more than once and that Jarvis lets you know about incoming calls from Pepper and I. You were ignoring me. Besides, if you of all people actually wanted to talk about your feelings, shit must have gone down, and recently too. Rogers said you were fine the last time he saw you.” Tony’s face darkened.

“Yeah, I’ll bet he did say that.” Rhodey bristled.

“What is that supposed to mean? This breakdown you just had is about Rogers, isn’t it? What happened, Tony?” He rolled away and Rhodey grabbed his shoulder and rolled him right back. Tony slapped an arm over his eyes, already half asleep again. Rhodey knew his window with a conscious Tony was limited, so he cut his losses. “Fine, but I’m sure as hell going to find out, the easy way or the hard way works for me.” Tony groaned.

“What’s the easy way?”

“You tell me right now and we deal with it together. Calmly.” Tony raised a dubious eyebrow.

“And the hard way?”

“I take Rogers up on the meeting he asked for drag it out of his ass, and then we do damage control for the fallout instead of taking preventative measures.” Tony bolted upright.

“Shit!” His voice dropped suddenly after his initial outburst. “He asked you for a meeting…? He sure works fast, doesn’t he?” The broken look on his Tony’s face moved him from worried friend to protective older brother in a split second. That expression made his best friend, the CEO, genius engineer, and superhero, look like the scared, lonely fourteen-year-old he’d been when they met in college.

“Tony. What. Did. Rogers. Do?” A sigh wracked the lean frame beside him.

“Look, he said he was going to replace me on the team. With you.” Rhodey went rigid as white hot anger bubbled from his core. His knuckles blanched with the force of the clenching of his fists. He trembled with righteous rage. “Come on, Rhodey. He’s not wrong… I fucked up today, and it’s not the first time. War Machine is better for the Avengers and you know it. Come on, buddy. Don’t freak out on me.” Rhodey stood silently and left the room. Without missing a beat, he pulled out his phone and dialed the one and only Captain America. When the phone connected, the colonel didn’t wait for a greeting.

“My schedule has opened up. I’ll be waiting in SHIELD conference room 12 at 6 pm. That’s not a request.” Ignoring the stammering on the other end, he hung up and returned to the bedroom. Tony was already back to sleep. Rhodey steeled himself and retrieved his uniform from the closet, sending it off to have it express washed. Once he felt that everything was in order, Rhodey descended to the lab, ready to take a polish rag to War Machine. After all, he had a meeting.

[spectralsword]

Soukyuu no Fafner, Soushi/Kazuki & Kenji/Sakura, "Race"

Assimilation phenomenon issues cause Kazuki to end up in a wheelchair for a while. Sakura ends up wanting a race. No warnings, pairings are just implied really. Happy birthday isumiilde! :D

Author is Lady Harken

——————- 

Work today wasn't turning out very well, Kazuki had to admit to himself. There was an annoying headache that had persisted for a few days now, and he was slowly starting to regret not saying anything about it to Soushi. His usual work at Rakuen had been manageable yesterday, but now, it was getting too much for him to handle. For some reason, the simplest food preparation work felt difficult, and as he made it to the cafe side to check if the tables needed cleaning, he found himself just wanting to sit down.

Maybe it would pass if he rested a moment, he figured as he took a seat. Lied to himself, he knew. This wasn't going to pass and this was probably something that could get worse, which was the exact reason he had hesitated to tell Soushi about it.

He closed his eyes for a moment, rubbing his forehead. He needed to make a doctor's appointment, and he needed to call Mr. Mizoguchi and tell him he wasn't going to be able to work today, as much as he hated the idea. He made a move to return to the kitchen, but at that very moment the door opened, and he turned to look. "We're not open-" he started to say, but then went quiet. It was Soushi.

"Would've thought you'd be busy making lunch by now," Soushi noted as he saw Kazuki sitting there, and Kazuki in turn couldn't help but notice that the expression on Soushi's face was somehow uneasy. "Are you feeling unwell?"

Kazuki sighed. Might just as well get straight to the point, since Soushi already suspected something. "You could say that. It's just that I've had this annoying headache for a few days now, and now it just feels like I can't get anything done."

"Why haven't you said anything?" Soushi questioned, definitely alarmed now. "Or haven't you heard? Sakura's been stuck in the Medical Room since last night, and it's due to assimilation symptom issues. Whatever you have could be the same thing - she said it started as a headache, and yesterday she plain out fainted. Doctor Toumi's looking into it already and discovered a possible reason, so we're having all the Fafner pilots checked. But if you've had that for days, we need to..."

With the way Soushi put it, and the worried expression on his face was making Kazuki feel very uneasy. "It..." He cut in. "Wasn't this bad the other day but..." He raised his hand and pressed it against his forehead. "Maybe it's best we go get this checked out? Just in case. There's also the bit where my feet have been feeling oddly numb since the morning. That's why I was sitting here, actually, it was..."

That was about as far as he made it with the explanation, as he tried to get up from the chair - only to find himself on the floor a second later. Soushi rushed to his side and knelt next to him. "Kazuki! Are you...?"

"Ah...?" Kazuki pushed himself up from the floor, trying to get up, but he then glanced at his feet and shook his head. "I can't move my legs. Weird."

Soushi picked him up and got him back into the chair, checking him quickly. "That's it, we're going to Alvis right now."

* * * * * * * * * *

The mood in the Alvis room, filled with anxious Fafner pilots, was rather gloomy. The results of their medical checks would be done in a moment, Dr. Toumi had told them, but it didn't stop everyone from feeling worried. Sakura, who was feeling a little better now, had wanted to get up from bed and now sat in a wheelchair. Kazuki had one too; Soushi had picked one up and pushed him all the way to Alvis in it. He had also insisted on helping Kazuki with everything, be it moving around for the medical scan or whatever.

The door finally opened after what felt like forever, and everyone turned to look at Chizuru, who entered, a tablet in her hand. "All right, everyone, I have your results," she begun. "The good news is that we figured out the cause," she explained, and the rest of the crew looked at each other, relieved. "It's to do with the part of your brain that controls the-"

"Who cares about that," Sakura cut in. "Explain the fancy medical babble to Kenji and Soushi who actually understand that and just tell us. Can you cure this or not, or are me and Kazuki going to be stuck in these damn wheelchairs for the rest of our lives?"

Chizuru smiled. "To keep it short, yes, it can be cured," she said, which earned a sigh of relief from the pilots. "I'll save you the technical explanation, but I identified the cause. What you want to hear is anyway that it can be treated and prevented. All that's left to do now is to make the medicine which will then take care of the issue." She looked at Kazuki and Sakura and nodded. "It'll take about a week to test and manufacture the medicine, then a few more weeks for the effect to kick in properly, but you two should be back to normal after that."

"What about everyone else?" Kenji questioned. "Short version please," he added, glancing at Sakura. Chizuru stepped closer and handed over the tablet, pointing out some certain part to Kenji before turning back to the others.

"As I said, it can be prevented," Chizuru continued her explanation. "We will include a form of said medication in future treatments of Fafner pilots and it'll keep this issue from happening again. With enough luck, this'll be taken care of before anyone else even starts showing symptoms. To summarize," she continued. "A few weeks to a month, and you two should be walking again. Can you wait that much?"

This was sounding a lot better than expected, Kazuki quietly admitted. "I can deal for a month," he said aloud. "It'll be a bit inconvenient, of course, but..."

"Not a problem," Soushi cut in. "I'll take responsibility for not noticing your symptoms sooner and will make sure you get everywhere without a problem."

As serious and ridiculous as Soushi managed to sound, Kazuki found himself smiling at that.

* * * * * * * * * *

The first days stuck in the wheelchair took some getting used to, though getting around wasn't really much of a problem when Soushi was doing exactly as promised and pushing the wheelchair anywhere Kazuki needed to go. There were too many stairs around the Makabe house, though, which had led to him staying with Soushi in Alvis for now, and for whenever he wanted to stop by home, Soushi insisted on carrying him. Awkward as it was, it worked out.

They had stayed in the Makabe house the previous night, and Soushi dutifully carried him on his back all the way to where the wheelchair waited then helped him sit down, making sure he was comfortable. "You really don't have to fuss over me this much, you know," Kazuki said. "Don't you have your studies?"

"Don't be silly. You're part of the studies, anyway," Soushi replied. "Keeping an eye on you helps me study the condition. Besides, I can't let you even consider trying to go to work on your own. Shall we?" He started pushing the wheelchair along the road, and Kazuki let out a sigh, resigned. It wasn't like he actually minded ending up spending nearly all his time with Soushi, even if he did wonder if Soushi neglected work or studies because of him.

Then again, perhaps having something like this to focus on was good for Soushi, once in a while, he thought as the continued along the road. Soushi did have the bad habit of working too much and getting out more because he was pushing Kazuki's wheelchair everywhere worked out. Kazuki decided he definitely could handle a few weeks of this, if that's what it came down to.

"Oh hey, it's Kazuki and Soushi," Kenji's voice noted from somewhere as they made it to town area. "You doing fine?"

"I'm certain Kazuki's well-being is in good hands," Soushi replied before Kazuki managed to say anything. "I'm keeping a close eye on him, after all. You just worry about your own patient." He nodded to Sakura, who was sitting in a wheelchair which Kenji now pushed a little closer. "Though I suppose Sakura's more used to this than Kazuki is."

Sakura gave him an unimpressed look. "Not like I have a choice. That getting back to normal part would be nice, anyway, since then I might actually have some strength to walk around a bit. Right now, I'm kinda stuck. Anyway, where are you two heading?" She wondered. "Shopping?"

"Rakuen, where else?" Kazuki replied. "I can still work if I have a chair in the kitchen. So moving around is kinda extra effort, but I can hold myself up easily enough. Plus Soushi's insisting on helping out today, just to see if I can handle it. Why, where are you two going then?"

"Well doesn't that work out just fine then," Sakura replied. "The same as you. Original plan was to make Kenji push me around town a bit then go get lunch at Rakuen, but if you're going there, good, then we can just come hang out there while you make that lunch."

Kenji looked something between not impressed and relieved at the same time, and Kazuki gave him a questioning look then just shrugged. "Why not, I guess," he said. "Besides, if Kenji's coming, that'd give Soushi something to do too, since he's determined to keep an eye on me. Maybe you can look over some medical studies or something while I cook?"

"Good," Sakura said. "Race you there! Come on, put a move on, Kenji."

It appeared the rest of the crew was somewhat slow at catching on. "Race?" Kazuki questioned, glancing over his shoulder at Soushi then looking at Sakura and Kenji. "What, with the wheelchairs?"

Behind the other wheelchair, Kenji rolled his eyes. "What a lovely idea," he complained. "This works out just fine until you realize I'm the one who has to push this wheelchair around."

"Oh, you're admitting defeat already, then?" Soushi cut in with a hint of a smirk. "Come on, Kazuki," he added, pushing the wheelchair forward. "Let's make it to Rakuen before Kenji finishes his rant."

It had never taken much to get Kenji to rise up to the challenge, of course; Sakura grinned at Soushi's commentary, and Kenji just gave their opponents a long look. "You're asking for it, Soushi," Kenji said, pushing the wheelchair a little faster all of a sudden, cutting ahead of Soushi and Kazuki.

"Now that's more like it," Sakura cheerfully said. "See you guys over at Rakuen!"

Kazuki glanced at Soushi again then reached to grab the push-rims on the wheels to add a little more speed, and Soushi gave him a nod and picked up his pace, half-jogging now. "Not if I have anything to say to that," Kazuki noted to Sakura with a smile as they passed the pair. "Let's do this, Soushi."

"Not a chance," Kenji commented, also pretty much running now and managing to get just a tiny bit ahead of Kazuki and Soushi, only to have Soushi start running as well. It quickly ended up with them both picking up speed until they were full on running, pushing the wheelchair along.

Sakura yelled something at them Kazuki couldn't make out; he was focused on looking forward. From here to Rakuen, they still had some way to go. Soushi could easily make it if he helped a bit on the way, and it wasn't difficult for someone with Kazuki's skills to go for the push-rims occasionally to add a little extra speed. Sakura, who couldn't do that, was just shaking her fist at Kazuki and yelling something again, but Kazuki wasn't about to care.

They passed by a couple of people on the road; too quickly, Kazuki realized, because one of the people had to jump out of the way. He made a mental apology then concentrated on the race. Soushi was running as fast as he could; Kenji was doing the same, and they both seemed determined not to fall behind, though Kazuki and Soushi were tiny bit ahead now.

Another couple of innocent by-standers were forced to dodge them, and Kazuki glanced over his shoulder, just to realize the pair of people had been his father and Dr. Toumi. "You-!" Chizuru yelled after them, sounding something between shocked and really angry. "Just how old are you all!" She continued, and at this point Kazuki was quite happy that they were going away from the pair, really quickly. That, and coming up with what he was going to explain to his dumbfounded father was going have to wait till later.

"Come on, Kenji, they're getting away," Sakura on the side complained, and Kenji grunted something as he continued as fast as he just could. Hopefully there weren't too many more people in the way, was the only thing Kazuki could think of as he watched the road ahead.

Their goal was in sight after another few blocks; Kazuki glanced over his shoulder again and noted somewhat victoriously that they were well ahead now. That and the somewhat disgruntled looking person somewhere in the distance following them was probably Dr. Toumi and they were going to hear about this, but that had to wait.

There were some people near Rakuen, Kazuki noted as he turned to look ahead again - only to realize it was Canon and Maya, out of whom Canon was pointing at them and commenting something, and Maya, with a camera in hand, was taking pictures.

"It's our win!" Soushi declared as they made it, and he slowed down. "What was that about seeing us over at Rakuen?" He asked, turning around and looking at Kenji and Sakura with a smug smile.

Kenji slowed down as well, appearing something between annoyed and defeated - not that he had much time for that, because Sakura unceremoniously elbowed him in the crotch area, which caused Kenji to dramatically double over. "Oh bah. You only win because you've had Kazuki to help you," Sakura stated. "And because you don't work out enough," she continued, glaring at Kenji. "You might've won today, but just you wait."

Kazuki found himself chuckling a little. Victory it might've been, not that they were going to get to celebrate for long, seeing they would to deal with the consequences soon, what with Chizuru getting dangerously closer every passing moment.

It was kind of too late to pretend this hadn't happened, either, because Maya was still taking pictures.

* * * * * * * * * *

The last couple of weeks he had spent in the wheelchair had really taught Kazuki to appreciate the ability to walk on his own, and that morning, when he slowly made it along the road with the crutches, he felt rather victorious. Soushi walked by his side, even if he had to walk really slowly, but his excuse today was to make sure Kazuki could actually make it all the way to Rakuen on his own. Kazuki insisted on it, though; it didn't matter to him how slowly he made the trip, if he was able to make it on his own.

Like on so many days during the last weeks, Kenji and Sakura in the wheelchair were waiting down the road, but as they saw them, the expression on Kenji's face was filled with such relief right as Kazuki and Soushi got closer.

Sakura, however, looked severely disappointed. "Where's your wheelchair?"

"I stopped using it last night," Kazuki replied. "The medicine's working, which I'm sure you know by now. I've finally recovered enough that I can start trying to walk again. Going to need these crutches for a while, but..."

"Aw darn it. Yes, I know the medicine's working," Sakura confirmed. "I've started feeling better in the last few days as well, but does this mean no more rematches?"

"No more races," Kazuki confirmed.

Soushi chuckled. "At least Kenji can now stop crying over the whole thing," he commented, earning a bit of a glare from Kenji. "What, is it my fault that I was better at that? Not me demanding the rematches, here, you should've talked to Sakura about that."

For someone getting teased about it, Kenji was looking quite cheerful. "Ahh, yeah, such a shame," he said. "And I was so anxiously waiting for all those races. Glad that you're getting better, though, Kazuki."

"Hmmmpth. If I didn't know you better, I'd say you're happy about this," Sakura said. Kenji shook his head and put on his best innocent face, and Sakura turned away, looking annoyed.

Kazuki smiled. "But look at it this way," he pointed out as he slowly continued forward. "No more getting scolded by Dr. Toumi over it, either."

End. ——————- Author’s notes: An idea Isu came up with and shared on Twitter sometime February last year. It really needed to happen!

Happy birthday, Isu! :D

[andsotheadventurebeginsblog]

Down and Down in Paris (and London)

It’s the 5th November 2017 and I am sitting in a beautiful hotel room in Paris unable to go outside, unable to stop crying. I try and eat the breakfast they have left me - a granola yoghurt and a banana, but every swallow feels like the hardest thing I have ever done, and even drinking water is difficult. Basic human needs are a huge problem again.

I have been in Paris with my best friend for 4 days. We came to see a band we love - I bought her tickets for her birthday - and we decided to stay on for a few days to hang out with friends and spend some time together. My best friend is my oldest friend, my housemate and my rock. She has been there though this whole thing with me, not just this time round, but for many years before. Today I was supposed to go with her to hang out with and old friend and his children, but last night we went out and didn’t get home til 3. Yesterday I tried to prepare myself - I tried to eat properly and drink enough water and get ready to spend time with people. I controlled my wine intake. I still drank wine. I saw friends during the day, had lunch, walked round Paris. I felt ok. Not great but OK. We stayed out late talking with another friend. We drank more wine. We were happily drunk. I hadn’t been sleeping well on this trip. I am worried about work and other things and forgot my sleeping tablets.

I had about an hours sleep between fits of night terrors, waking up drenched in sweat, vividly dreaming I was having an affair with one of my friends husbands. This morning I feel like I did that day at Liverpool Street. I feel completely unattached from reality. Horror, fear, paranoia, fits of tears, hoplessness. I tell her I can’t come. I can’t be around people and I can’t be around children when I am like this - I can’t stop crying and I keep thinking if this is all there is then what’s the point in living. I am back to square one in a beautiful hotel in Paris. I have let her and them down. I can’t even fulfil the most basic of responsibilities. She takes me downstairs for coffee and we talk it through and she asks things like have I been taking my drugs? (I missed one yesterday) Is it because we have been drinking too much this week? (More of that later) Is it because I am tired and the pain I am getting in my legs is keeping me awake? (That’s not helping) I try and explain yes and no it is all and nothing of these things. It is a life I am currently confined to. I go out with her to buy bread for the friend she is visiting. That floating feeling I get when I am walking returns. I feel panicy and lost. I put her in and uber and go back to the hotel and that is where you find me now.

I’m going to do something now that I have not done before in a public forum. I’m going to talk about the other demon that is best friends with the one that lives inside my brain, but is more physical. That ones name is alcohol. I have used it most days since I was 15. I have used it to party. I have used it to try and drown the other monster. The one in my brain. I can make the monster blackout if I drink enough of it, but the next day he is there and he’s worse because he’s been fed. So I use it again to quieten him. And on it goes. And on it goes. And on it goes. And there have been times when I have almost convinced myself that I am a complete alcoholic. But I don’t drink in the morning so that must mean I’m not. And I have a job and a home and I am functioning so that must mean I am not. And I can go a day or two without it, so that means that I’m not. And I can go out and just have one pint but most of the time it’s 3 or 4, so that means that I’m not. And I don’t want to be and alcoholic, so that must mean that I’m not.

My job demands it. My social life demands it. All my friends do it, and ask me to come and do it with them. Notice there is no mention of choice here. These things and people demand it. I feel like I have no choice. I know other people who suffer like me, and when we go out, we go out and drink because that's what we do and it helps us to open up and we talk about depression and drink because that’s what we do. It builds up and up, over weeks of going out and being social and trying to manage my illness until I don't eat anymore because I feel awful and I am not hungry, and I shake and I can’t concentrate and that’s when the other monster is at his best. And I have proved what a complete prick I am by not being able to control something as simple as my own drinking habit. And I feel awful so I drink some more.

I drink on my own and with people. More with people than on my own, but I still drink on my own very regularly. I think it’s empowering for me to be able to go and sit and have a glass of wine alone. In reality it’s actually not. It’s fucking stupid.

I question why I drink to try to try and rationalise it. Does it make me feel good? Yeah for a while. Does it make me more interesting? Yeah and more confident and that’s how I can go and be glorious in front of people. Does it relax me? Yeah it does. Is it ruling and ruining my life? Yes it most definitely is. Can I stop drinking it? I don't honestly know. Am I killing myself with it? Yes I am. Is this going to fuck up my dreams of changing my career? Will it ruin my running? Yes it will. I haven't run for 2 weeks. I’ve been tired from the 100 miler, my legs are sore, but I have also been hungover and miserable every fucking day. I have been hungover for the majority of days of my 20’s and 30’s.

At this point, I just want people to understand. I am not looking for sympathy or help or numbers or groups. I am intelligent and I know that there is help for me. I know there is. But I have not yet convinced myself there is a problem with this part of my life, and I hope by writing this that I can identify what level of problem there is. Please don't get in contact with me telling me to go to AA. I know about AA. I know about all of them. If I choose to go, I will and you telling me to go will not help me make that decision and may even be detrimental to me making it if I chose to do so.

In my head, drinking alcohol has as much defined who I am as the depression has. Teenage Allie was bullied and low on self esteem. Teenage Allie with booze was having sex with all the cool guys and going to indie clubs and gigs and was brilliant. University Allie was sacred nobody liked her and was going to massively miss her mum, brothers and sisters. University Allie with booze was the most fun ever and made friends very easily and kept sleeping wth all the cool guys. The University Allie made a few mistakes as a result of booze and some pretty bad life choices, and got severe depression, She tried to kill herself and then and self medicated. With booze. Now she was the sad/fun girl. Today I am party girl. I am red wine party girl. I am red wine, get drunk, be darkly hilarious party girl and if you're a man, stay the fuck away from me because I will destroy you. But I have always taken it too far. I am a blackout drunk. Not all the time, but I am capable of it some of the time. If I am going to be completely honest my alcohol intake has had a direct effect on the destruction of every important romantic relationship I have ever had. My first long term partner was a pretty big recreational drug user and I wasn’t. No biggie, he said, have a drink instead. So he did drugs and I drank. And then something happened in that relationship that made me drink more because what happened was terrible but not for discussion here. And there was no closure on it, and it was never talked about and it haunted my thoughts and it made me depressed and so I chose to drink more. And then I stopped eating. And then by the end I had destroyed my body and my marriage. And I rehabilitated myself with my girlfriends and I did that by going out and drinking. Self styled drinking goth.

Work was the most important part of my life and that meant going out and making friends with bands and being drunk all the time. SO MUCH FUN! I lived on my own now and I hated it. I hated everything. I hated myself for destroying a marriage that was so badly functioning it would never work anyway. I’m hungover. Drink. Work stress. Drink. Friday lunches. Drink. Weekend. Weddings, funerals, family. Drink. All the time, everywhere. All the time.

My second long term relationship, so perfect on paper, was so different and full of love compared to the first time round, and I worked very hard to make it happen because I wanted change. I couldn’t believe my luck when it worked. If something’s too good to be true, it usually is and you will fuck this up, Bailey. Drink. He’s told you to calm down on your drinking. Fuck him, you're fine, he doesn’t know you. orgs stressful and you have to up your game career wise. We need to sign this band. Take them out. Drink. OK now you've calmed down a bit, this is good again, sometimes you go out drinking together, You're the perfect couple. Everyone says so. So lucky. Probably no future, everyone leaves you. Drink. He’s asked you to calm down again. Drink. Show him what you're really made of, do something terrible. Drink. Do something terrible, really show him then lie to him, Drink. Get found out. He's leaving you. Told you that would happen. Drink more, drink more. Back to square one and you have fucked someone else up on the way. Drink. He fucking hates you. Drink.

And on it goes. On and on and on and a tiny part of me is wondering if I am drinking too much, but the monster silences that - nah you're fine. Just a couple. And depression comes and goes and comes and goes and comes and goes and there is one thing you have never changed. You have never stopped drinking. And depression has always been there, and when it gets worse what the thing that’s gone up and not down? The drinking. And when you drink the silence only comes for an hour or so and then you have fractured sleep and wake up feeling awful and so what is the fucking point of drinking?

I don’t want to never drink again. That frightens me. I want to drink normally. But I don't know how to do that. And that means for now, I have to stop. Just for today. I have to stop. An adult lifetime addiction that for now, has to stop.

[chitarra10]

I was tagged by @penaltywaltz... well, sort of... I just stole it from her. X-)

Rules: tag 20 people

The Last:

1. Drink: Milk

2. Phone Call: My mom called me to tell me that my grandpa was coming home from the hospital today.

3. Text message: My friend in TX... I wanted to make sure he was gonna be OK since he’s in the path of Hurricane Harvey... he says he’s OK right now, thank God.

4. Song you listened to: “All the Wrong Things” by Branan Murphy ft. Koryn Hawthorne... it’s a beautiful song about admitting your faults and the sincere desire to change... give it a listen, I think you’ll love it. :-)

5. Time you cried: Yesterday... my boss ripped into me for telling him I was too sick to come into work, and he demanded I come in anyway, so I sucked it up and went to work, and it was a living hell of pain and nausea, then I stopped at my mother’s house because she picked up my prescription refills from the pharmacy for me, and I was greeted by my sister ripping into me because for some God-forsaken reason, she decided that my mother should come home from work and clean the house instead of visiting her own father in the hospital, and she decided that I’m selfish and narcissistic and that I don’t care about anyone else but myself for not stopping my mother from going.  I just took the prescriptions, left the house, and broke down when I got back into my car.  And I ended up missing work today because I’m still sick AND depressed out of my mind today.  Way to lead up to my next mission trip in 3 weeks, eh?

Have You:

6. Dated someone twice: No

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes

8. Been cheated on: Yes

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: In the long list of diagnoses I have going on right now, depression and anxiety are among them.

11: Gotten drunk and thrown up: No... I don’t drink.

List 3 Favorite Colors:

12. Sapphire Blue

13. That teal color that you can’t quite tell if it’s blue or green

14: That indigo color that you can’t quite tell if it’s blue or purple

In the last year, have you…

15. Made new friends: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: Was never in love

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes... one of my co-workers has been reporting every single thing I say to my boss behind my back, including the fact that I’m currently in the process of getting a concealed carry permit, which lead to a loud shouting match between me and the boss.

19. Met someone who changed you: Yes

20. Found out who your friends are: Yes

21. Kissed someone on your FB list: Sort of... Rocco isn’t technically on my FB list, but I have an entire album dedicated to pictures of him because he’s my little “fur-nephew” and I love him so much, and I kissed him on his little Beagle head when I saw him yesterday. :-)

GENERAL:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: Probably about 85%.

23. Do you have any pets: I have a “fur-nephew,” Rocco, does he count? :-)

24. Do you want to change your name: Sometimes I’d like to... I’m not exactly keen on being named after my abusive father.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: I had to work, and then I went to a local coffee house afterwards with my friend from church, and she gave me a Sherlock Holmes book for a birthday present. :-)

26. What time did you wake up: I got up at 11 because I was supposed to be at work at 12:30, but I was way too sick to do it, and I ended up spending the next 5 hours sitting on the floor in the bathroom with my phone and tablet in case anyone tried to contact me.  No one did, of course.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: The same thing I’m doing right now... Tumblring with the TV live streaming in the background.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: My next mission is happening in 3 weeks, and I can hardly believe it’s that close already!! :-D

29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: Actually saw her?  Two days ago.  But I’ve talked to her on the phone multiple times since.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: My health first and foremost, and a close second is my financial situation.

31. What are you listening to right now: “Salvation” by Skillet... it’s the Eurus and Sherlock song, seriously, check it out, it’s the perfect theme song for The Final Problem.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: My grandpa goes by Tom because his middle name is Thomas, I work with a sales guy named Tom, and I know two Tom’s from church.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My current situation in general.  The stress is just piling on again when I’m trying to get packed and ready for my mission, and I need it to stop so I can concentrate on this.

34. Most visited website: Probably a tie between Tumblr and Facebook.

35. Mole/s: I have freckles of various shades of brown all over my paper-white skin, but only one on my left forearm is slightly raised like a mole.

36. Mark/s: My entire body is full of scars from the acne I had when I was a teenager, multiple cysts I had removed, and a significant amount of self harm in the form of stabbing my arms with sharp objects when I was in my late teens and early 20′s.

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a professional ballet dancer and an actress.

38. Hair color: The same as Benedict Cumberbatch’s natural hair color.

39. Long or short hair: A pixie cut that was supposed to look like Jennifer Lawerence’s, but because my hair turned curly once it got cut short, it actually looks like a cross between Daniel Jackson and Sherlock having a bad hair day. X-)

40. Do you have a crush on someone?: A fictional someone... X-)

41. What do you like about yourself: I dunno... the older I get, the more I feel like my greatest talent is the ability to take levels of abuse that other people could never handle.

42. Piercings: 3 in each earlobe and one 90′s cartilage pierce in my right ear.

43. Blood type: O+... as most people of Western European heritage are. X-)

44: Nicknames: Up until I was 30, everyone used to call me this particular word that used to make me blazingly, furiously angry, and I never understood why it did, but the angrier I got, the more people would say it because they thought it was funny to make me cry.  Then when I was 30, my sister started questioning me as to why I got so infuriated at the sound of that word, so I started researching a few linguistic things online, trying to see if this word was truly made up as they claimed or if there was actually something to it.  I managed to find the linguistic roots of the word, and it turns out it was actually an Albanian-influenced Italian curse meaning, “The Devil’s Ass,” with “ass” being in the context of a slave or a work donkey.  Basically, they were cursing me to be a slave to the devil every time they called me that.  Needless to say, I proceeded to angrily confront my family with the evidence I found, and told them that if any of them ever uttered that word to me, about me, or in any way, shape, or form of connection to me, that it would be the last time they ever see me for the rest of their lives.  No one’s ever used a nickname for me ever again.  And after that, they dang well better not.

45. Relationship status: Single... have been for 13 years, and honestly, I stopped looking for a relationship a looooong time ago.

46. Zodiac: Ophiuchus

47. Pronouns: She/Her

48. Favorite TV show(s): Stargate SG-1, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Star Trek in all it’s incarnations, Psych, and Saving Hope.  I might be forgetting a couple, but those are the top of the list.

49. Tattoos: None yet, but I think I’m gonna get one for my 40th birthday in 2019... I wanna get an American eagle with it’s wing around a Central American quetzal to represent how much I love Central America and doing missions work there, and underneath them, “Mark 16:15-16,” which is what’s known as “The Great Commission” from the Bible.

50. Right or left hand: Right

51. Surgery: I had all the baby teeth and 4 permanent teeth removed from my mouth when I was 11, and I had 2 pilar cysts (so far) removed from my head... but there are 3 more cysts forming on my head, and they’re gonna get removed if/when they get big enough.  Dermatologist said I’m gonna have to deal with the cyst problem for the rest of my life.

52. Hair dyed a different color: Never permanently, but I have done temporary dark brown and eggplant purple a few times.

53. Sports: Never was a sports fan... the only sports I actually like to watch is the Olympics and American Ninja Warrior, if that counts. X-)

54. Vacation: The last thing that could actually be described as a vacation was when my friend took me with her to NYC for 5 days because she was eager to cross it off her bucket list.  Before that, it was in 2001, my mother, my sister, and I took a road trip to 2 states that were an 18-21 hour drive away just for two particular food festivals, and before that, my grandmother took my sister and me to Italy after I graduated high school in the summer of 1998.  Every other place I’ve been to has been for mission work... missions are no vacation, they’re hard work, but they’re the most worth-it thing you’ll ever do in your life. :-)

55. Shoes: I have Sketchers work-shoes, a few pairs of canvas shoes, a few pairs of ballet flats, and 2 pairs of heels that I haven’t worn in over 5 years.  But all the shoes that lace up, I laced them with either black or white elastic, so now all my shoes are slip-ons. :-)

56. Eating: I ate a bowl of vanilla yogurt with some chocolate BelVita biscuits about an hour ago.

57. Drinking: Nothing... I had a glass of milk earlier.

58. I’m about to: Back to Panama for my 9th mission in about 3 weeks... this has been the most disorganized and closely cut mission I’ve ever done, but the money came in, so now it’s actually happening!!

59. Waiting for: September 16th because that’s when we’re leaving for Panama... :-)

60. Want: My health back, and my finances in order.

61. Get married: If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn’t, that’s fine, too.  Either way, I’ll be perfectly OK.

62. Career: I’d love to be able to do this missions thing for a living, but the financial support isn’t there right now.  I hope someday (soon!!) that it will be.

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: Hugs

64. Lips or eyes: They’re both pretty essential for a functioning face, but I’d say eyes serve a more necessary function.

65. Shorter or taller: I’d like to be a couple of inches taller, maybe I might be if the scoliosis in my spine can ever be straightened out.

66. Older or younger: Physically I’d like to be younger, but intellectually, I’d like to be older and wiser.

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: My stomach has never been nice, even when I was at my skinniest, and I’ve always been OK with my arms, so I’d say I’d rather have my stomach be nicer looking.

68. Sensitive or loud: These aren’t mutually exclusive, so I think each has their place in the appropriate situations.

69. Hook up or relationship: Relationship.  I don’t go for that momentary fun and then dump them off bull crap.

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: Actually... once again, not mutually exclusive, but... neither of these are characteristics I’m OK with.

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: Not by choice.

72. Drank hard liquor: No

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: An unfortunate number of times in my life.

74. Turned someone down: Yes

75. Sex on first date: Never

76. Broken someone’s heart: Once... but if he truly did love me and want to marry me, then he should’ve learned sooner that I wouldn’t stand for taking a backseat to his BFF for the rest of my life.

77. Had your heart broken: Yes

78. Been arrested: No

79. Cried when someone died: Yes

80. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: There is, in fact, empirical evidence that I exist, despite so many people’s opinions to the contrary.

82. Miracles: Yes

83. Love at first sight: No... you can’t possibly learn what you need to know about a person in order to make the choice to love them from just one look.

84. Santa Claus: Every parental figure is a Santa Claus. :-)

85. Kiss on the first date: Not anymore.  He’s gonna have to earn that.

OTHER:

86. Current best friend: I’m actually not sure.  I hate to call someone a best friend who doesn’t think of me the same way, and I don’t believe that anyone thinks of me that way at the current moment.

87. Eye color: The same as Benedict Cumberbatch

88. Favorite movie: Probably a 3-way tie between Star Trek Into Darkness, Star Trek Beyond, and The Force Awakens.

I’m tagging everyone who sees this. Everyone, please copy, paste, fill it in, and tag me!! :-)

[georgiacollender-blog]

Charlotte Josephine

CJ Two ways of writing: having a plan and not. Inspired by everyday life. Writes little but often then puts the pieces together like a puzzle. - Confidence - Reading and language - Watching alot - Space and respect Write a list of colours: Pink Purple Green Red Brown Yellow Orange Blue Chocolate bars: Mars Twix Kit Kat Galaxy Bounty Kinder bueno Bathroom cupboard: Toothbrush Deodorant Tampons Toilet roll Perfume Sun cream Tablets Teenagers bedroom: Plates Cups Bed Dressing table Clothes Shoes Straighteners Lady handbag Make up Tampons Purse Phone The pill Paracetamol Book Diary List of fans as tic lies I need to feed my fish My bus was late I need to see my Nan I find it easier when no one else is in the room to do my presentation You're my fave I love you A list of things todo when embarrassed Go toilet Bite nails Put the focus on someone else Go red Shit myself Play with my hair Look at my feet Leave the room Pretend you don't care Think of being in bed/comfort zone A list of BIRTHDAY cake wishes I want to meet Harry styles I wish for a someone to love me I wish for concert tickets I wish for money I wish for everyone to be happy I wish for no arguments I wish to have the people who mean most, forever I wish for my friends to come home from uni I wish for a mini A list of things that terrify us Spiders Losing my friends Being hated by everyone Not going anywhere in life Disappointing my family Death The unknown My pets dying Never having kids Getting pregnant at the wrong time Throwing away something I didn't realise was important. A list of things you'd find on a summer holiday: Factor 50 suncream A burnt ginger Alcohol Books People awake at 7 to put a towel on a sunbed Tanned people Lost languages A list of hiding places: My bed My car Millie's house The park Under my bed Behind a door I'm a hole Under the stairs Anywhere dark The green room Aunty jos house The library Things never said to a parent I smoke You're child is a Cunt You raised you're kid shit I've fucked your daughter I hate you Places to stand when the sea is rough In bed Somewhere where there is no sea On a boat In the sea with a snorkel Pavement Masculine or feminine things Blue Pink Muscles Hard labour Giving birth Emotions Trust someone: Raw Honestly Hearing what you don't want to but need to Having my back when I'm not in the room Being there when I need them most Answering the phone Going along with my lies Meeting your girlfriends parents for the first time: "Hi John nice to meet you, yes this is your daughter, yes she's wearing my top and no, she hasn't got shoes on because she was at mine last night not at Chloes like she said and yes that is my cum in her hair" - as if I'm going to say that out loud as my first words to John but it's definitely what's running through my head rn... how about a simple hello and hand shake, that could work right? But I don't want him to think I'm too formal.. fuck. Right that's it I'm not going. I don't understand why first impressions are always hard. When In actual fact it a simple hello. Everyone seems to always over think it. Ofcourse I want to make a good impression but I'd much rather not lick his ass hole because a year down the line he's going to know the real me and know I was putting on this front to impress him. Why can't I go in with the simple "alright mate, I'm your daughters new boyfriend, I respect her a lot fuck on a daily and think she's fucking hilarious" but nah got to respect that although he knows that the hand he just shook has actually be all over his daughter... he's thinking, I'm thinking it, might as well say it right? But instead I go with the, "nice to meet Mr Smith, I'm Daniel" "do I work?" Well yeah in a bar one day a week I'm still a student.. "still a student at the age of 21... living of mummy and daddy still then?" Why the fuck do I need to be questioned about what I do as long as what I'm doing makes me happy, I'm living my life not you. Blake: Age: 21 Cats or dogs: Dogs Live: house in leatherhead How do they spend their days: High as a kite writing music for the homeless. What is a smell that calms them: Petrol Three words to describe them(mum): a little podgy, good boy, likes candles Happiest on holiday: Florida At 8 he wanted to be: Fireman Item of clothing wear too much: Adidas original jumper in Kaki Phrase to often: but think of the homeless man Secret: I have a kid Roll model: my nan Fave drink: Redbull Vodka and Lime Lost virginity: his family friend Louise at 18 (he begged her init) On his own he dances to ballets Deeper secret: he is a professional ballet dancer Parents : mum is his world dad is a rich wanker Place: His studio, his workspace but also his hobby, he has his own chair (that no one else can use) others can join him but not use his chair. There is a hidden mirror for when he wants to practise ballet. Blue dim to the room - no windows. Constant music playing, there's a window to the booth that has a sticker of his dog and nan on the right hand corner. Smells like hard work, has a little can of petrol hidden under his desk where is chair is for when he gets stressed. There a aircon unit that always makes a slight noise of fresh air coming into the room. Everything is black apart from the lighting. Wearing something unusual: he's wearing a leotard under his clothes - it quite tight but he likes it, no one can see it but he knows he's wearing it. Smells fresh out the packet never had one before but always envious when watching professional ballet people wear one. I didn't mean todo it, it just... *sitting in his studio* staring at his hidden mirror - reveals it from behind its curtain. Looking at himself in his new leotard practising first position. A 1,2,3 second 1,2,3 first 1,2,3 second 1,2,3 first... *phone rings - it's zain* Wag1 Blake I'll be outside in 2. Blake: gets dressed quickly, hides his 'ballet for beginners book' and sits in his chair.. zain opens the door "oiiii wag1 G what you saying" Blake realises the mirror is still on show.. "shit" Madting when did you get a mirror in here..." B:"errrm yesterday init... it's for..." Z: it looks sick bro, makes the room feel massive.. Zain sits down Z: "oi you heard this new tune" Plays some bad man song Blake tries to release his wedgie that his leotard is giving him.. Zain is oblivious keeps mixing music Blakes burst out "I didn't mean todo it, it's just one day I saw your sister...." Z: "what do you mean my sister..." Blake: it just she was standing there in her leotard and it got me... Z: got you what bruv why you looking at my sister in a leotard bruv are you a pedo or something Blake: wait what... Z: staring at my sister whilst she's dancing wtf if wrong with you Blake: no no bruv it's not like that.. I wasn't looking at her because she had no clothes on.. I mean very little clothes on and don't get me wrong she looked fit init but" Z"what the fuck do you meeeeeeaaaan, what didn't you mean todo stare at her fat peachy beautiful ass" Blake: wait what... Z: forget get that... Blake: nah it's just I was fascinated Z: fascinated by Me and An old man in an army uniform We are in a very busy train station on a Monday morning I want success But there is a shark in the way I'm a busker, I've tried making it in acting, I've tried making it in dance and now singing but here I am... Monday morning the busy crowd is coming and I'm playing my guitar... people chuck coins and pennies and some cunt chucks a button... all I've ever wanted is success.. all I ever need is success but my success and the worlds are completely different, I just want to be heard, respected and a warm house to go home to, to see my loving family. I see an old man approaching.. he's wearing a uniform shit do I need to run? My license doesn't cover this station... I start packing my away my equipment, collecting my scraps of money... I look up again and he's just standing there... his uniform looks worn but well kept, badges glistening.. his boots are shinny and still smell of polish. He chucks a £50 note in my case.. "I tried to make it one time too but the army called for me instead" I stare.... my heart still racing from preparing to out run the Feds... He reaching out a hand to help me up... I take the offer, my hands trembling from adrenaline. BOTH HAVE THE SAME SHARK TATTOO. Fish tank This is England Shane meadows I really enjoyed Charlottes workshop as she opened my mind to write everything and anything and atleast one of them if not more will blossom. You don't have to have an order or a reason when you first start just start. I find writing terrifying, I'm always cautious that it won't have a good ending, beginning or even an interesting plot but Charlotte made me feel so comfortable to just write. Going forward I definitely will write down any ideas even if I leave them for months and revisit them with a fresh mind. Overall when it comes to writing my own script I will not give up and I will accept mental blocks and stop to allow my brain to breathe. Watching films and TV series really inspire me to help build characters however Charlotte opened my eyes to embrace what is happening in the moment day to day, as well as through books and seeing live theatre. There is never too much detail to a character or a place.