#yes i have only posted two chapters this year but my life since last may has been hell so

[notasdriedapricots]

Chapter 23: Blind Faith

"And I'd escape your smokes, and your bit of whiskey shine Never a doubt of mine, oh never a doubt of mine

Need a little blind faith to navigate these seas Just a little blind faith to put your mind at ease And even though at times we're miles away from peace Just a little blind faith Have a little blind faith in me"                 - Blind Faith; Izo FitzRoy

Liz stood there, staring at the screen with a blank expression. She couldn't decide what to think, all the details she'd picked up on getting scrambled in her brain and her arms wrapped around herself feeling like they were keeping her together. Gary made the comment. There was a countdown. He just agreed. We have no context. He said 'seconds'. She steadied her breath, her thoughts slowly settling down. Okay. Okay. For a while, no one said anything. A short while.

[rosedere]

The Liyue Lotus and the Merchant from Snezhnaya

(Pantalone x Fem! Reader)

MDNI +18

Cw: kidnapping, Stalking, non con elements, Graphic violence (later chapters), Yandere content *will update as the series goes

Cross posted on AO3

Part 1 , Part 2, Chapter 3. Mora Eater (you are here) , Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7~

Synopsis: Unfortunately, The Regerator develops a fixation with you while you are working undercover for Yelan. And there’s no one who can get in his way of his prized Lotus.

-

For a Root, for a Leaf, for a Branch, for a Tree

For Something, Somebody, that reminded them of Me

Running with my Roots pulled up

Caught me cold so they could cut

What there was left of Love

I'm rootless

-

Pantalone

“And then she...?” Pantalone mused while his hands were interlaced on top of his dark oak desk.

“Well, we don’t know…” Galina twiddled her thumbs.

“She went in so quickly, we couldn’t exactly figure out where she went,” Fedor added.

“But! But—she seemed safe; none of those men in treasure hoarder clothing were around her,” Galina interrupted.

Pantalone only nodded before turning in his swivel chair towards the open windows overlooking the harbor.

“But if we may inquire, my Lord, what are we up against?" Fedor questioned

“I’m not terribly sure myself either, but I know whoever it is, they have Lián terrified.” 

Pantalone moved his hand under his chin, “I noticed they were watching her ever since we met in the harbor.” His eyes flicked up towards the two before him.

“Whoever they are seem to be skilled in the art of illusion.” 

Fedor and Galina nodded, beckoning him to continue.

“That’s why I want you two to accompany us for dinner this evening.”

“If you seek them once again, immediately capture them for questioning,” Pantone casually ordered.

“Using the codeword, right?” Galina asked.

Pantalone merely nodded. A pregnant pause befell the room above the northland bank, tucked away behind a staircase only a select few knew about.

“Where is my precious Lián anyway?” Pantalone asked.

The two guards stood at attention.

“We left her at the spot you requested; she should be waiting for you with the other temporary guards,” Fedor responded, “She also wore the items you sent as well, my lord.”

Pantalone turned back abruptly to where the two guards stood across from his desk.

“Are you telling me the truth now, Fedor?” Pantalone narrowed his eyes.

“Of course, my lord,” Fedor answered in surprise, “you’ll see her in a moment anyway to confirm yourself.”

Pantalone finally stood up slowly from where he sat, looking down at the window behind him. The harbor bustled with life, and colors of the whole spectrum were before him.

Normally, his gaze would flick over towards the shipyard, past the funeral parlor, where your humble apartment was. But you weren’t there currently confirming what Pantone had received from his report.

He then turned his head to face the center of Liyue, towards the restaurant he had made plans to meet you at— Xinyue kiosk.

See, today was a very important day for him. 

Receiving a letter earlier that morning, opening it he scowled hard at the contents inside.

He finally met the love of his life after being stuck in Liyue with... well, a certain ginger subordinate for many years, and now he was being forced to return to Sneznhaya for an indefinite time.

“My lord, it’s time to meet Miss Lián." Galina stood at attention next to the desk.

”Ah, yes, I must not keep her waiting.” Pantalone walked around his desk towards the awaiting guards.

He cant keep his precious lotus waiting for too long, for the shadows were already in position around her from the last glance he took at the window.

-

Waiting in the evening heat was unbearable in the fur collar draped around you.

It was starting to make you think maybe it was for the better that your slits were opened like they were before you made your alterations.

Your dress was now stitched from the inside where the slits were previously, making it a shapy type of dress on you instead of how open it was, now a white spider lily graced the closed slits with only your lacy shawl covering your shoulders to allow you to breathe in the humidity the harbor offered around this time.

The new guards that were assigned to you were mostly silent, only occasionally asking if you were fine before you answered with a dismissive wave and a reassured “I'm alright” before they’d continue to look at... Well, seemingly nothing; you were now on top of the rooftop, sitting in the Kiosk, overlooking a little sliver of the harbor and the colorful rooftops of the city. They were seemingly watching the skyline, most likely feeling that you did not want to be here at all.

"Lián,” the familiar voice called to you.

Looking over your shoulder towards the door was your date surrounded by your new bodyguards, who were escorting him to sit across from you. He was dressed as he normally was only with a more relaxed look on his face.

A bouquet of some blue and frost-like flowers was in his hands, from what you could tell.

sitting down across from you on the cherry oak table across from you where a sparkling yellow lantern shone, Galina and Fedor taking their place besides the guards you were stuck with the whole four hours waiting for them to return.

Pantalone quickly grabbed your wrist before letting his lips caress the top of your hand, giving it a soft peck.

Ew

Resisting the pullback, you let his lips linger on your outstretched hand before letting you take your hand back.

"My lotus, hopefully you enjoy these flowers," he held them towards you.

"I had you in mind when I picked them out for tonight." His lips curled into a smile when you extended your arm to hold said flowers.

"They certainly are.. something " You received them, smelling the sharp, frosted blooms.

gesturing for your guards, you handed them off for them to hold before receding into the side of your peripheral.

”Im surprised you actually wore your gift I bought you,” his gaze giving you his full attention as he absorbed your image before him.

”I am too—I had to alter them to my fit as they were almost unwearable with my physique,” you waved your hand over the tight fabric hanging on your chest.

”Forgive me, I only picked what looked like it would fit you; Snezhnaya clothing is different from the sizes here in Liyue, I'm afraid." He then grabbed your resting hand, holding it in his much bigger ones.

smiling to hide the uncomfortable handhold, you would roll your eyes, being able to see the true motive behind his "gift.”

Maybe if you cut to the chase, you could end this one-sided relationship you found yourself in.

Besides, he probably had many younger women than yourself all over Teyvat throwing themselves onto the richest man in all of Sneznhaya. 

Before you could make a retort, though, you caught a couple of different fatui caterers coming up the kiosk stairs with different plates of foods you’d only seen when Ningguang would celebrate an achievement in the floating palace, their footsteps muted on the wooden planks on the ground..

Pantalone’s fierce amethyst eyes never left your face even after you moved your hands from the table in order for the servers to leave the different types of foods of varying food groups in front of you. The smell was amazing, especially when the golden shrimp balls that were coated in a thick honey-coated batter were laid before you.

Your stomach was lightly rumbling, and you tried your best to ignore it. You weren't about to kill yourself over possible poisoned golden shrimp balls; it was best to find an excuse not to eat, you thought.

”Please enjoy your meal, my lord, and—“

Mistress

You smiled, thanking the guard out of habit, before you realized what they had truly done.

”Eat, my fragile lotus." Pantalone gestured to the bamboo shoot soup and the large plate of golden crab in front of you. “It’s all being funded by me,” he said happily, reaching over to the large pot of tea and grabbing a cup to serve into.

Watching him pour the tea into the jade-glazed cup, you eyed the table. Most of the food seemed fresh and steaming hot, but you knew better, remembering a colleague who lost their life to drinking a tea that was slowly making them sicker and sicker as his days went on, only to find out the deal had gone wrong.

You watched him grab the plate and serve himself almost every single thing from the table, serving it on what reminded you of a sampler platter. You didn't know he had such an appetite until suddenly the plate he had been serving was placed in front of you. 

“Here is your plate, Lián," He carefully grabbed the silverware in front of you, grabbing for the knife. You almost jumped in reflex until you heard the sound of him cutting different cuts of meat and seafood with his dark gloved hands. 

“I apologize once more, my dearest; my mind is all over the place currently; I almost forgot my manners towards my beloved,” he chuckled, finishing cutting your food before leaving you your utensils to eat with.

”Oh, that's quite alright; I’ve just never had anyone go out of their way to serve me nor think about me as much as you do,” you tried to flatter, “Hopefully you serve yourself as well; I wouldn't want you to go hungry.” 

“Ah, don't worry about that, darling; I will get my fill as well.” Grabbing the plate beside him, he began to serve himself. Watching him, you noticed him grab for the same selection of food he had served onto your plates, the portions much smaller than what you received on your plate, but nonetheless, the same foods he served you, even serving himself the warm oolong tea in his cup.

“My lord,” Galina suddenly spoke up from besides the doorway near the entryway.

”I must ask where the purple scarf is,” she asked.

Pantalone gently set the teapot down before flicking his gaze towards the Fatui Mage.

”Please bring it to me at once, Galina and Fedor; this tea would not be suitable without it.” He mindlessly pointed to the teapot.

Just as quickly as they announced their prescene, they disappeared in a mass of elemental energy.

You didn't say anything, focusing on the food you’d been served.

“So pardon me if this seems...” You trailed off, poking your shrimp in front of you.

“Blunt– but what’s the occasion?” you asked, looking back at pantalone across from you.

His smile spread to the ends of his mouth as he focused his amethyst hues towards you.

“Oh, you're a very savvy lotus, aren't you?” he chuckled, clasping his gloves together. “I will also give you a blunt answer,” he exhaled.

“I must return back to Sneznhaya for an important meeting regarding one of our subordinates.” 

“I won't be back for a month at most.”

You could tell he wanted to say more, but he seemed to pause.

"Lián, have you touched your food yet?” 

“You haven't touched anything on your plate yet, dearest.”

You smiled, an awkward smile, to pantalone.

“I haven't,” you said, clearing your throat, “But!” you scrambled.

“You haven't eaten either- pantalone” you pointed a manicured nail towards the plate in front of him.

A slight pause was earned from him; leaving an awkward pause in the air as you waited for an answer.

"Oh, I see how it is,” he chuckled, putting a hand to his chest.

“You know I wouldn't serve you anything that hasn't been checked before being served to the table.” 

You eyed the table once more, looking over the vast arrays of food youd taken a quick scan of earlier.

“You know, Lián, it seems like...”

“You're hiding from something,” he pondered.

Straightening your posture at the mention. 

Time to test your acting skills

“Now I have to be cautious, you know?” You leaned back in your chair with your eyes closed.

“I am associating with a harbinger after all; you probably make enemies every day,” you shrugged.

“Anyone would be silly to try and harm the fatui and any affiliates of the mighty tsaritsa.” 

Finally, you watched him lift a dumpling to his mouth gracefully.

“You are safe under my supervision,” he finally plopped the dumpling in his mouth.

You scooped some of the rice on your plate; it did seem to be of a normal texture after all.

And then the aroma of the golden crab hit you.

It did smell divine…

Looking towards Pantalone, who was now beginning to moderately eat his serving of food, you decided to accept your fate.

Better eat and find out now if he trusted you than later.

Bitterly, you stuck the piece of golden, flaky crab into your mouth with a few scoops of rice.

It was really delicious.

Death be dammed, at least your final meal would melt in your mouth, being made from the finest caught crab in all of Teyvat.

“You know, Lián, you wouldn't have to be so weary if you remembered my offer I made the last time we met,” he smiled, holding his hands together on the fine china before him.

“Is there a deadline or something? This is the fifth time you’ve mentioned it.” 

“Or do you miss me that much when we part ways?” you flirted.

“I may be weak, but I do grow lonely without you." Pantalone finger’s weaved into yours.

“It’s why I want to know if you’ll come with me tonight,” he smiled.

“Just one night, and by the time I come back, I want to know your answer.” 

The pressure was weighing on your shoulders once more; it was a whole month until you’d see him again, most likely taking your new annoyances with him. 

But it just seemed too convenient that he’d be dumb enough to willingly bring you back to his private quarters.

It felt like the more you tried to logic yourself into it, the more you’d come to the same conclusion.

“Of course I will,” you replied, “only if this means I’ll be your only woman.” You chuckled to yourself.

As soon as you uttered those words, however, Pantalone wasted no time enveloping you, the taste of a fine sake and the food you both had been picking at was all his lips tasted like.

His hands were on either side of your face as he kissed you passionately.

-

You swore Pantalone had taken you to a maximum-security prison when you both arrived into the hills of Mt. Aocang In the mountains, there was a hollow opening; the dark interior of the three-story tower he lived in was built into the mountain.

No wonder you and Yelan could never find him; he wasn’t at all near the harbor but almost on the border out of Liyue.

He didn’t let you walk up the stairs, only having you close to his chest as he walked you up the dark obsidian steps leading to the top floor.

The silence in the estate was just as uncanny as the numerous golden statues around the different corners of the spiraling staircase lined with cavern flora.

Pantalone hands were gently massaging you as you began to finally reach the landing at the top of the spiraled staircase.

Then it was just his spacious bedroom, with scrolls and so many dressers and chests lining the border of the room; the canopy bed in a dark tulle curtain of deep sapphire and violet was what caught your eye.

and is currently where he was about to lay you down. 

He stopped at the edge of the bed before craning his neck to kiss you, carefully laying you in the middle of the bed. He wasted no time in ravishing you.

His hands roamed under your expensive dress, hungrily grabbing at the flesh that wasn’t covered by the lingerie he bought you.

Moaning as he began to massage your breast, he began to work his other hand under your dress skirt.

Letting yourself go as he pampered your body, you forgot who he was for a moment.

His loving touches, the care he had as he carefully slipped your dress off of your body.

You hated to admit it, but you were beginning to enjoy his attention.

[decemebercircus]

Ping list : @jellypouches , Also tagging @shironakuronatasa, @m1dnight-artisan, and @happydeertraveler because they requested it. You will be tagged for all the parts. (There are two left)

If anyone else wishes to be pinged I will reblog this in the near future. Let me know in the comments section so you can be tagged on the reblog on Tumblr.,

This is only part 1 so be warned there will be future pings.

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃⍟❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

Don't Blame Me, Love made me Crazy (if it Doesn't You ain't Doing it Right)

Based on Tumblr posts by Ventique18 concerning Malleus and a father's day joke.

I am a bit late but here is the promised fanfiction of Malleus's response.

First of as much as I like Malleus's character I'm not ( in my personal opinion) very good at writing him. However I decided to wing it since I said I was gonna do this story anyway.

Credit to @ventique18 on Tumblr ( I forgot your AO3 name I apologize).

Malleus x Yuusona even though I'm no good at those type stories.

Likewise chapter 1 of this fic is short and has no NSFW content. But chapter 2 will have sexual content so be warned.

Inspired by: Father's Day tease by Ventique18

Alternative Response here

STORY:

"Good morning Tsunotaro... Happy Father's Day!" Andromeda smiled at him. Her cinnamon brown skin, especially her hands, looked like it had golden glitter on it. Today she was wearing her birthday gift from last year: a dark indigo dress with bishop sleeves and a asymmetrical mermaid style skirt that trailed on the floor. The rounded, puffy cowl layer at the waist also had the pale green vine detail. She sat on a chair and made herself comfortable.

He paused as if mentally saying "MalleusDraconia.exe has stopped working due to an error. Would you like to restart?"

It was a meaningless joke, even given they were in an intimate relationship. But they loved each other enough to appreciate each other's efforts to be ~~shameless~~ a playful tease. She was about to drop her punchline, when she was stopped by his astonished face.

Correction: astonished face decorated with a single tear down his cheek.

"oh-- No, I-- I didn't intend for you to tear up-- It's--only" she started.

Malleus knelt in front of her clasping her hands: "Are you pregnant?"

'Ah fuck…'

She began chuckling awkwardly: "Haha, Now listen, I--"

"That's good! I'm not alone in the world anymore. Though I have my grandmother, there has always been a nagging emptiness inside me that I could not fill."

Well, that was heavy. Panic welled in her chest. She felt completely torn, so much, she was sure she had a headache. Because she was, in fact, not pregnant.

"Perhaps it's simply overcompensating for being orphaned, but I've always wished for a family of my own. Wished, and despaired. Despaired that no one in this world would actually want to be with me." He continued.

"Umm. Tsu- Tsunotaro," she blushed. Now that he poured out his feelings she felt the joke was cruel.

"But now, you're here with me. I would have been content with just you and me."

"Oh But you..! Today You're telling me... A product of our love..." He carried on over her comment.

"Funny story about that, Malleus…." She tried again.

'Finally... Another blessing in my wretched life…' he nestled against her breast quite comfortably and she sweatdropped.

"-alleus!"

"Malleus!"

Alarmed at the concern in her tone he snapped out of his reverie.

"Ah!? Yes, what is it?" He startled, then collected himself.

" I've been trying to get your attention for ten minutes, I'm surprised you zoned out so quickly," she said, pushing a a lock of her curly black mane of hair off her shoulder.

"Tsunotaro... Darling... Love of my life..." She started nervously.

"Yes? Is there something you want? You may have it of course, anything for you and the child's happiness," he responded without batting an eyelash.

She startled. "I'm. Not. actually w-with child," she breathed and he hugged her tighter before letting her go. She blinked tearfully at his disappointed expression.

He dried her eyes. Not many tears had fallen but she had gotten worked up wondering how he'd react.

Gulping silently she tried to put the conversation on a lighter note.

"But! but–! You know my Roar Roar Drago? The one we bought and paired as your Tamagotchi's wife?" She grabbed her tamagotchi off her desk.

He inclined his head to show he still heard her. "Um, it just so happens that she's pregnant, even though I am not."

His expression was oddly neutral as if trying to settle an emotion to be for the rest of the day and coming up empty. She laughed nervously. "Sorry for getting your hopes up, I'm really bad at jokes you know…."

The heavy silence was only broken by the beeping of their duo Roar Roar Dragos asking to be fed.

Finally Malleus had a response.

"Ah I see it was one of your jokes." He commented and she went rigid.

"Y-yup one of my poor jokes that aren't actually funny, you're welcome to get even as you see fit," she rambled as she fidgeted with her engagement ring.

Malleus had an unnatural momentary glint in his eyes. "Indeed. I shall think about my response," he said smoothly.

"Well…There aren't any clouds in the sky…" she noted looking out the window. "I'd say that went over pretty well,"

Endnotes:

Andromeda [formerly known as Redacted]

She shares her height with Azul and Cater (176 cm)

Her concept is a conglomeration of Vanessa (both 1959 Little Mermaid and 2023 Live-Action adaptation), Belle (Beauty and the Beast), Tiana (Princess and the Frog)

I was gonna put Andromeda in a recolor version of Maleanor Draconia's dress.

(I hate that I fucking struggled to spell that. And TwstEN added more letters….) But I looked again at ALL the details of the silver parts and quit.

I still did the dress, just… budget version.

Before you go!

The fic is also available on Ao3 under my pseudo name YourGildedCage, similar to one of my Tumblr alternate accounts. That way the fic can be downloaded if desired (when it's complete of course).

The link is here:

Chapter 2 will be up soon!

[novella-november]

Not to harsh your joy regarding your personal project, (which does sound awesome!) the fact that you keep answering the "can I do fanfic?" questions with "technically yes, but have you considered not doing that?" does not actually *feel* very fanfic friendly. (Especially for anyone who enjoys fanfic as a hobby and isn't also an ofic writer. For example, I personally write almost exclusively character studies that are an explicit reaction to canon; there is no real way to write that sort of thing except as fanfic.)

Which is just a long-winded way of requesting that you maybe consider less of a caveat with the FAQ if you make one, please.

oh that was definitely not my intention, thanks for the ask! I think it was mostly just because I got that same question a few times in a row from various anons within the same time span (including some that were not published publicly), it just happened that I was thinking of my own project(s, plural now) in the last day when I answered those two, for those who want an extra creative challenge.

There's a reason my own original thing has been in my head for the last ten years without me actually writing it while I've written and posted tons of fanfiction, and even now some of my original works are going to be based on Arsene Lupin, so they'd technically be considered fanfiction since they're based on and use an established work for the characters and settings --

--writing completely original fic *is* harder, and that's exactly why I'm *suggesting* (not requiring!) that people consider taking 1 out of short story 4 challenges to look at their work in a new light.

90% of what I read and (until I actually start and finish my original works) 100% of what I've written in my life is fanfic. I have nothing against fanfic, otherwise I woudn't even be interested in creative writing.

But its also not a diss to say "Would you consider looking at your [fanfic] writing from a new angle and try to figure out different ways of going about it?"

Honestly, being able to even consider this option *as a fun extra challenge* is meant to help improve your writing and creative skills; it's not meant as a cheap shot at people who choose to write fanfiction because I my self write and read tons of it,

it's me saying "if you want even more practice at creative writing during these monthly challenges, try branching out a little bit from your comfort zone, you may be pleasantly surprised."

People who write and read fanfiction already have tons of creative experience, and if people like me and many other fanfic writers who one day dream of being published authors, want to broaden our horizons and seek new experiences, one of the easiest exercises is to take something we're planning on writing or already wrote, and see what we would change to make it brand new and standalone--

-- something that not only helps you come up with new ideas, but also will help when it comes time to *edit*, which can be, depending on the length and complexity of your story, can be a complicated process:

whether that means having to delete scenes entirely,

changing what a character says,

altering an aspect of the worldbuilding to fix plot holes

, re-writing your character so they're not overpowered because it was ruining the stakes and tension,

changing the POV of chapters because it was ruining the flow of the story,

etc etc etc.

I love fan fiction.

I love reading it and I love writing it, and for many people who take on monthly writing challenges, it is a way to test ourselves and gear ourselves up and prove to ourselves that not only can we write x amount of words, but it proves to ourselves that we are *capable of creating*, and for many creatives, that ultimately leads to crafting our own unique stories;

if you're already taking place in a monthly writing challenge, why not push the bounds a little bit *if you're so inclined* and test the waters? Especially when you're surrounded by a community who is cheering you on, every step of the way?

Every Nanowrimo I ever won was fanfiction. Heck, even not during November I once did 40k words in two weeks for a fic.

I always stalled out when I tried to write original works;

it is much easier to start small with a single short story than it is to try to write an entirely original novel, and my encouraging people to try baby steps by *experimenting* with one short story out of four in a month is not meant to be a diss against fanfiction,

but an *encouragement to those like me* who were so eager to write original works but floundered when I tried to jump into the deep end and felt disheartened.

Many fanfic authors aspire to write original fics, and thats who that challenge is for, for the people who want to write original works but are too afraid to fully commit; I'll still be writing and posting fanfiction even if I become a published author, even If I just have to come up with a few new pen-names to post them under.

There's absolutely no judgement on anyone who wants to write fanfiction for these challenges, my "caveat" as you say, is only there as encouragement to those like me who are afraid to take the first step, or uncertain of how to even *begin* that first step, not any kind of condemnation.

TL;DR:

I did not mean for my responses on the "can I write fanfiction" to come off as rude or looking down on fanfiction, its meant to be an encouragment to all the people like me who love fanfic and started out writing fanfiction, and dream of writing original works to take the first step, with a community of like-minded people all taking the same challenge.

Like every other challenge aspect of these events, taking a fanfic idea and turning it into an original short story is completely optional and meant as inspiration, just like following prompts for events is not mandatory, and even completing the 30k word goal is not mandatory; the goal for this month is to create, get in the habit of creating, and having fun with it!

[f1bordeaux]

The String That Binds Us. (Prologue) | ln4, cl16

You fell in love with this sport all because of him. It would be selfish not to thank that boy for his help in getting you here today, even if you both ended on rocky terms. However, after finding yourself in the same paddock as your childhood best friend, your mentor, your first true love, and the boy who left you for the bigger picture, you realize that he wants nothing to do with you. So, as fate has it, perhaps you'll end up in the arms of someone else. Or maybe, just maybe, that string that has been tied to the two of you together since birth will pull you back into eachothers lives. Warnings: none Pairings: Lando Norris x Reader, Charles Leclerc x Reader Word Count: 769 Poetry style | Story style A/n: I have returned with yet another series >:) this has been rolling around in my mind and yes its a super simple, done before, run down prompt but I promise to make it worth wild! I feel as though my writing has improved since my last series(which i'm gonna go rewrite) so please enjoy! Ill update as quickly as possible. This is just the prologue so look out for chapter 1 soon, and let me know if you all would be interested in me posting this on Wattpad for easier reading! Much love! Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

prologue; y/n.

There was simply no way, not in this world with all of its coincidences and twists of fate, that things did not happen for a reason. From the minute you’re born until the day you die, there is a reason for everything. An invisible string runs through each and every one of your actions, no matter how little or grand they may be. You were sure of it. There were so many instances you could think of. When you failed that math test and got put back into a different class-the one where you met your first boyfriend who you no longer speak of. When you visited the beach one Summer all the way across the ocean in the United States, and met a girl from your hometown who ended up becoming your life long friend you attended university with. And perhaps the most vital one, when you grew up next door to a boy, only a year older than you, who possessed a love for cars and all things involving them. He would sculpt your life into one of his own, beginning from only the age of three. The two of you would form a shared love, a shared passion, for one sport. However, you found more interest in the mechanical side of things while he preferred to take the wheel. Still, you often wonder how your life would have played out, what you would have done, where you would have gone, who you would have become without him. What would have happened to you if he didn’t live next door? You could never even picture it. Especially now, fresh from university with a degree in automotive engineering hanging on your wall. But the craziest connection of them all? Getting an offer to work in the same sport as your neighbor-no, your childhood best friend. You just couldn’t believe it.

“Y/n you’re joking.” Sophia said on the afternoon the offer popped up in your inbox. She sat on the beanbag chair you used to have in your dorm. You were laying down in bed, lazily scrolling through Twitter before deciding to check your inbox. Now, you were sitting up straight, hand cupping your mouth as you read the email. “Let me see!”

You spun the laptop around, watching her eyes dart across the screen. “It’s not real, there is no way.”

But it was. The email would turn into a phone call, the phone call would turn into a headquarters visit, the visit would turn into a contract. Soon, only a few months after your January graduation, you would be in the Formula 1 paddock, clad in red, tending to the Ferrari livery.

You called Lando only a few weeks before the season started. The two of you hadn’t spoken in a while.

“Hello?”

“Lando, hey.” You scratched the back of your neck. How would he take it? Would he even care at all? Why were you calling with how things ended between the two of you?

There was a second of silence, although it felt like minutes. “Y/n, it’s been a minute. I heard you graduated. Congrats.”

“Oh? Who told you?”

“Mom. You know she's still best friends with yours.”

“Right,” You sighed. He didn’t like your Instagram post that compiled all your grad-photos. Of course he’d only heard it involuntarily. “How have you been?”

“Good.” He responded. “Just preparing for the season, you know?”

“That's actually what I was calling about,” Your heart was pounding. You were so excited to tell him, to let him know that not only did he make it into his dream field, but so did you. “I got a job.”

“Cool. Where at?”

“Ferrari.”

The silence that hung over the line only a little while ago returned. “Like at a shop somewhere in the UK?”

Not exactly the celebration you were hoping for. “No, uh, in F1. I’ll be in the paddock working on either Leclerc’s or Sainz’s car.”

“Oh.” He sniffled. “How’d you manage a job like that straight out of uni?”

“I applied. Didn’t think I would get it but here we are.”

“Well I guess I’ll see you around then.”

And that was it, your big call, your big announcement, all concluded with a ‘see you around’ like it was a conversation to be had in a school yard. You were hurt, your childhood best friend chalking your achievements up to something not worth being impressed about, but you didn’t have time to think about it. You had a job to do and damnit, you were sure you’d be doing it the best.

[judesmoonbeauty]

The Past Records: Ellis & Jude Chapter 1

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to reblog, but please do NOT post my translations elsewhere.

Translation notes are marked with ***

We met four years before we entered Crown, I believe.***

The night I drifted into the town of London, I passed by a bridge looking for a place to stay and saw a man looking up at the moon.

I looked at his empty-looking profile and thought he was going to fall straight into the river when he finished his cigarette.

So I just had to ask the question.

Ellis: Are you happy?

Jude: What's the point if I'm happy or not?

Ellis: I'll make the happiest moment of you're life....last forever.

Jude: Ha. What is that? Are you crazy?

Jude: The happiest I've ever been in my life. Maybe-

Victor: Working again? I heard about it beforehand, but you are very busy.

It's early morning at Crown Castle. Victor comes into the dining room for breakfast.

He called out to them in passing as they were about to go out after finishing their meal, which was already too early.

Ellis: Sorry, Victor. We'll be back tonight, so we'll talk about the mission then.

Victor: Oh, how industrious! It's totally okay!

Jude: Shut up. You don't have to apologize every time you deal with a freak.

Victor: Jude is so harsh. I love that about you, though. (SO DO WE!)

Jude: Disgusting.

Ellis: We're off.

The two left the castle with opposite expressions on their face.

Liam: I'm impressed that you don't get down at that rate every day, Victor.

Victor: Well, I'm the one who recruited those two.

Liam: I joined Crown on the condition that I could keep my current job, but those two guys seem busier than I am.

Liam: I wonder if they have time to do their duties for Crown?

It's been a few days since Ellis and Jude joined the team, and they haven't even had their first mission yet.

William: Well, it doesn't matter when their first mission is.

Harrison: Hey, can we really trust those guys?

William: Why do you say that?

Harrison: It's said he's a trader, but I've heard some fishy rumors. I hear he has a lot of enemies here and there.

Liam: Oh, I've heard that too. It's even talked about mong the fellow actors from time to time.

Liam: Some aristocrat got ripped off and had all his money squeezed out of him.

Harrison: I don't care if he's just a crooked merchant. If he's a spy, I can't just sit idly by.

Victor: You can't trust them?

Harrison: You're a random weirdo, but I know you have a good eye for people. It's just....

Victor: !Did you hear that, William?! Did you hear what Harry just said about me?! (My guy is an excited chihuahua LOL.)

William: Oh, I heard. There's more to come.

Victor: Yes, you may continue!

Harrison:.....you're a real pain in the ass.

Harrison: It's just that his background is too shady to be trusted beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Harrison: I don't think we should let those two act individually too much, do you?

Victor: Hmmm, well I don't want to restrict....their freedom too much.

William: Why don't you just make sure? Whether you can trust them or not?

Victor: Make sure....I like that!

Liam: Haha, looks like something's about to start, doesn't it?

Harrison: I have a bad feeling about this.....

Victor: So, all of Crown is together! We are going to observe Jude and Ellis' way of life!

Liam: Oh! *Claps*

Alfons: Is this another one of Victor's dimwitted projects? It's the best.

Victor: I want everyone to observe the two of them and report back to me.

Victor: The theme is: Are those two worthy of Crown?

Harrison: Damn...I shouldn't have said anything. I'm too busy for this.

Elbert: What are you busy with...?

Alfons: As I recall, you were in the middle of a reviewing job with no time to meet the deadline, and the first draft had not been submitted by the writer.

Alfons: It's as he said, “I'm going to have to stay up all night just before the deadline.”

Liam: Well, wouldn't it be nice if Harry acted as the command center?

Liam: The investigation will be shared among the members other than Harry!

Alfons: A stealth mission, sounds like fun.

Elbert: I don't mind.

Roger: Well, that's good, isn't it?

Harrison: By the way, what's your reason for not doing it?

William: I don't think we'll get that far.

Harrison: ...right?

Victor: Then let the investigation begin!

***Note: I just wanted to affirm that Ellis mentions it had been four years since he met Jude prior to joining Crown. This is not a mistranslation.

[Next] [Masterlist]

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 4 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there will be mature content in later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: nausea, hangover, the park jimin effect, drinking, cursing? a time skip of a month

☆word count: 9.6k

☆a/n: why is posting making me anxious? fun fact, I'm posting from New York City this week! Went to the two first Agust D concerts ayyy

☆a/n pt2: always and forever thankful for @moonleeai and her dedicated work as my beta reader <3

☆series masterpost here

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Saturday, May 19th

                Jungkook feels sick. Sick of everything, but mostly sick because his hungover has kept him in bed all day. He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to pull up for dance practice later. All he knows is that his room has been spinning whenever he wakes up from naps, and that he fucked up majestically last night.

He doesn’t quite remember everything he said. He just remembers you, in his room, and then you being gone, replaced by Jimin and Taehyung.

The only thing he knows is that you know. The text that’s been sitting on his phone all day is reminder enough.

[11:12 am] You: hey, i hope ur okay this morning.. if u ever wanna talk about last night, we can grab a coffee or smth😌

He doesn’t know what to say, so he hasn’t replied. Because he’s not okay at all, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. Especially not with you.

Especially not when he hasn’t been able to eat anything since the first time he woke up today. It’s nearing 4 pm now, and he technically needs to be at the studio in two hours. Hobi already said he’d pick him up, but he’s still far from being presentable right now.

Jungkook groans, hiding his face in his pillow. You come up in his mind, the look of horror on your face last night making everything spin around him twice as much as before. Whenever he closes his eyes, you’re there, and he almost hopes to go blind.

Though he’s pretty sure you’d find a way to haunt him even if he was blind.

Another groan escapes him, and he turns his head to the side as someone knocks on his door. “Uh?” he lets out, loud enough for whoever it is to hear.

He’s surprised to see it’s Yoongi as the man opens the door. “I made you soup,” Yoongi says, and sure enough he is carrying a tray with a steaming bowl of soup on top of it.

Jungkook expects the thought of eating to make him feel worse, but surprisingly enough, no nausea rises inside of him. Instead, he realizes his stomach feels dreadfully empty, so he forces himself to sit, wincing at the throbbing pain at his temples.

It’s almost enough to make him forget the pain in his leg.

“Did you take any painkillers?” Yoongi asks as he puts down the tray at the foot of the bed. “And have you drank any water?”

“Yes and yes,” Jungkook replies, voice raucous from disuse. “Pretty sure I could use some more painkillers though.”

Yoongi nods, watching his younger friend carefully. “Do you need me to go get you some?”

Jungkook slowly shakes his head no. “I need to get out of bed if I want to make it to dance practice.”

At that Yoongi laughs. “Good luck with that.”

Jungkook frowns, glaring at Yoongi. “I’m very capable, I’ll have you know.”

“Your room smells like someone died in here.”

Though he’s usually sensitive to smell, Jungkook’s hungover state keeps him from being able to tell if the room really does stink. “Tae and Jimin cleaned up.”

“Then you must be the dead body,” Yoongi says, in that deadpan kind of way of his. He shrugs his shoulders, before adding, “Anyway, just eat and then take a shower. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

Jungkook nods and watches as Yoongi makes to move out of his room. Yoongi’s at the door when Jungkook says, “Hyung?” Yoongi turns around, a quizzical look on his features. “Thank you for the soup.”

A smile breaks out across Yoongi’s face. “Anytime.”

And then Yoongi leaves, shutting the door softly behind him, and Jungkook is left alone once again. He looks down at the soup, and he realizes he really is hungry. He pulls the tray closer to him, making sure the soup doesn’t spill over the rim of the bowl, before grabbing the spoon.

The first spoonful of soup has his eyes fluttering shut with delight. Yoongi’s always been an amazing cook, and he hasn’t disappointed today. It awakens Jungkook more than anything else could have, and he’s finished the bowl of soup so quickly he almost considers eating the tray.

He’s still famished, but at least he’s got something in his stomach now. It’s enough to get him to stand from his bed, and though everything wobbles for a few seconds, he’s able to start gathering what he’ll need for his trip to the shower.

The shower really helps make him feel human again, and he’s relieved. As he steps out and looks at himself in the mirror, eyes dipping to his scars, he feels ready to confront the whole world if need be. He won’t have to bail on dance practice after all.

He’s down in the kitchen, eating some reheated pizza from last night, when Hobi arrives. His older friend pats him on the back, before putting down a Gatorade in front of him.

“Thought you’d need this,” he says, before climbing on the stool next to Jungkook.

Jungkook chuckles, immediately uncapping the Gatorade to take a long swig. It’s the last thing he needed to feel as good as new, and he offers Hobi a wide grin as soon as he puts the bottle down.

“I sure did,” he says, and the two friends laugh.

One thing that doesn’t change though, is the heaviness in Jungkook’s heart. Because if you know, then it’s just a matter of time before the rest of the crew knows. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to deal with everyone pitying him at the same time.

Maybe then he’ll just have to dip again.

Jin comes into the kitchen, and he stops as he sees Jungkook and Hobi at the counter. Valeria trails behind him, and Jungkook is struck dumb once more.

He never thought Jin would be able to pull the girl. He’s still surprised that she does exist, and whenever he’s alone with Jin he makes it a priority to remind his older friend.

“Sup’ losers,” Jin says as he starts moving again, heading towards the fridge to store the bottle of rosé wine he’s holding. “Surprised you were able to get out of bed.”

He says that over his shoulder looking right at Jungkook, who rolls his eyes. “I’m not a senior citizen like you, I’ve still got youth on my side.”

“Listen you little shit,” Jin bursts out, and Valeria starts laughing. It has the effect of a calming shower on Jin, who only glares at Jungkook. “You’re lucky the lady is here. Otherwise you’d be dead.”

“If you’d be able to catch me, that is.”

Jin looks towards Hobi.

“Don’t ask me for help,” Hobi says, raising his hands in defense. “You’re all alone on this.”

Jin’s head turns towards his girlfriend next. She’s shy, and Jungkook has never really talked to her before. So when he and Hobi look at her too, she blushes, before shrugging.

Jin lets out a childish whine, before saying, “Alright then, I’m old.”

“We like you like that.” Valeria is the one that speaks, and Jungkook chokes on a laugh as he turns back towards Jin.

“You heard her.”

Jin is fake-glaring at his girlfriend, but then his features soften. “Yeah, but at least she’s pretty.” And just like that he moves out of the kitchen, pulling Valeria behind him.

“I’ve been told I’m pretty too,” Jungkook yells behind Jin, and Hobi laughs next to him. “He’s so whipped,” Jungkook says after a few seconds, just to make sure Jin is out of earshot. His comment makes him think about another couple that’s starting to form, and he turns to look at Hobi. “And you? What’s up with Jiho?”

Hobi chokes, flushing fully red, up to the top of his ears. “What do you mean?”

Jungkook raises his eyebrows as he tries to hold in the shit-eating smirk that wants to form on his lips. “What do I mean? Why did you invite her yesterday?”

“I –” Hobi says. “I just thought it’d be fun to hang with the crew…”

“The crew?” The smirk has won now, and it breaks across Jungkook’s lips.

“Well, you know, just like…” Hobi falls silent, before letting out a strangled laugh. “I honestly didn’t see it coming.”

It’s cute, and Jungkook’s smirk turns into a softer smile. “To be honest, me neither.”

“She’s got balls though,” Hobi says, laughing lightly this time. “She’s the one who suggested we should go on a date, after dance practice last week.”

All that Jungkook remembers of that night is that he walked with you after. The rest is a blur of anxiety and his leg hurting. But he’s not surprised that Jiho’s got balls: she has to be your closest friend for a reason.

“You said yes, I hope,” Jungkook says.

Hobi slowly nods. “Yeah. But I invited her yesterday because of that too. And we’re going to a restaurant she suggested tomorrow.”

Jungkook doesn’t have to fake the happiness that takes over him right now. He’s happy for his friend, he really is. For his friends, plural. Because Taehyung, Jin, Yoongi and now Hobi… They’re all happy. They all have met someone, someone to care for them where no one else can. Strangely, it’s something Jungkook doesn’t really want for himself right now, maybe because he’s too stuck in the past.

Too stuck trying to heal from the crash, knowing some parts won’t ever heal and refusing to give up the fight for now.

It brings him back to you. To last night, and to whatever he said. He wishes he could remember the words, just to know how bad he fucked up, but he doesn’t. He won’t remember, and he won’t ask you.

He won’t take you up on your offer for coffee. He knows pity when he sees it, and he abhors it. Especially when it comes from you.

Instead, he focuses on Hobi, on the smile that lights up his friend’s face as he tells him about Jiho, about how they’ve been texting almost constantly. It’s all Hobi talks about on the ride to the studio, as he mentions stuff Jiho told him.

Stuff she told him about her when she was younger, but also about you. About how you’ve been friends since the first day of kindergarten, when someone pulled her braids and laughed at her and you punched them in the face.

He’s not surprised child you would punch someone that deserved it in the face. He’s pretty sure adult you would do it too.

Hobi parks his car next to the studio, and they are getting out of the vehicle when Jungkook notices you walking, hands buried in yet another oversized sweater. You’re wearing yoga pants underneath, and your hair is pulled up in a high ponytail. You catch his gaze a few seconds after he notices you, and he’s about to smile at you when you just look away, walking in the building without once glancing back.

What the fuck?

Jungkook frowns, especially as Hobi says, “What happened with Y/n last night?”

For some reason, Jungkook immediately grows defensive. He shrugs, a little vehemently before starting to walk towards the door. “Nothing happened. Just let it slip that I got into a car crash.”

“So she knows?” Hobi asks.

Another shrug of Jungkook’s shoulders. He buries his hands in the pockets of his black sweatpants, just to hide the way he’s clenching his fists even though he’s trying to stay calm. “Yeah. So everyone will know.”

“I don’t think so,” Hobi says, and Jungkook glances at him, brows knit together. “I mean, she’s good at keeping secrets.”

“She’s probably already told Jiho,” Jungkook points out as they reach the door. He doesn’t see you on the other side, and that’s the only reason why he opens it.

“Well, Jiho didn’t say anything about you, if that can reassure you.”

Hobi has felt the switch in his mood, hasn’t he? Because his voice is careful, as if he’s afraid to spook him.

“I don’t care,” Jungkook lies. Because he really does care. He doesn’t want everyone to know. Because it makes it too real, and for now he still can pretend it hasn’t happened.

He wishes for it to stay that way.

Hobi doesn’t push him more, and a tense silence moves between them. Jungkook wishes he could go back to his previous good mood about his friends’ happiness, but he’s back where he was last night. Somewhere in the dark of his own mind.

Not a good place to hang, if he’s honest.

He already knows he’s going to see you when he reaches the studio. Somehow, it still makes his heart constrict in his chest, that same way it did last night. As if someone is clenching their fist around it, and it makes it harder to breathe. He shrugs it off, taking a deep breath to calm down, before looking around.

Everyone but Heather is already here. And no one is looking at him, no one seems surprised or seems to be pitying him. You don’t even act like you noticed him entering – you take off your sweater, dropping it in a corner of the room with your phone and your keys. He hates it, but his eyes follow the curves of your body, and he wants to curse you for only wearing a sports bra.

Your body is lean, the results of dancing for most of your life with a mother that used to be a ballerina. Jungkook is pretty sure she’s controlled everything you ate growing up, and drilled it so hard into your head that you can’t stand bad food now. He remembers, when you were younger and someone brought cake to practice to celebrate a birthday, you always barely took a bite before saying you were full. You claimed you didn’t like cake, but he always noticed the way you eyed it while everyone else ate.

He used to make fun of you for it, and today he knows he was an asshole. All he can hope is that your relationship with food is better now. And it looks like it is – you’re not as thin as you were before. You look healthy, and your skin and hair are glowing.

It takes him a few good seconds to realize he’s staring, as if something about you has changed. And he doesn’t know what changed, just knows that he feels struck.

You notice him staring, and you furrow your brows. “What are you looking at?”

It’s said aggressively. As if you’re angry. He only then realizes that you might be, and maybe that’s why you ignored him outside. He can’t for the life of himself figure out why you’d be angry – did he say something yesterday?

“Nothing,” he replies, and he looks away as his heart beats out of his chest.

You act like that for the whole of practice. For all the pity looks Heather throws his way, you send twice as many glares. It feels like last night never happened, and maybe it didn’t. Maybe it was just a nightmare, and he never told you everything.

He knows you know though, because whenever he puts too much weight on his leg as he demonstrates the movements he has in mind, you clench your jaw. A muscle feathers under your skin, and then you look away. Shame passes on your features, and then it’s gone to be replaced with a scowl.

He’s getting tired of it by the end of practice, so he pulls you aside to talk. Jiho stubbornly stays next to you, until Hobi walks up to her and asks if he can talk to her, probably sensing that Jungkook needs some time alone with you.

You both glare at each other while the others filter out, wishing you good night. Jungkook hears Scottie teasing Lance about meeting up with a girl, and the last thing he hears is Lance telling him to fuck off before everyone is finally out.

It takes almost twenty seconds before you blink and say, “What do you want?”

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks, folding his arms on his chest as he cocks an eyebrow.

You scoff. “With me? Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

Do you know or do you not? He’s a little confused as you just look at him, clearly expecting an answer. He’s dumbfounded – the last thing he expected from telling you everything was you being furious at him.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

It’s just a back and forth of questions at this point, with no visible answers in the distance. Indeed, you just say, “Do you think you did something wrong?”

It’s absurd, and it makes him laugh. Which, he reckons, might be taken as insulting. And of course you take it the bad way, because how else would you take it?

“You’re so fucking oblivious,” you grumble.

He’s still laughing. He wants to stop, but for some reason he cannot.

“What’s so funny?” you enquire, and your cheeks are turning red.

“Just,” he starts, “I don’t know. The last thing I expected from last night was you getting angry at me.”

You roll your eyes. “If you were looking for pity you won’t get any from me.”

That’s the thing. He doesn’t want any pity from you. And you saying so makes something warm blossom in his chest, and it sobers him up. His face falls serious, and he holds your gaze long enough that you raise your eyebrows in question.

“Thank you,” he says.

You scoff. “You’re fucking weird, Jeon.”

He shrugs. “That’s why you like me, uh?”

Your eyes widen, and you look so appalled he just starts laughing again. “Quite the opposite actually,” you say even though he’s laughing. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know,” he repeats. “I’m just relieved you haven’t changed.”

He really is. You have no idea how much.

“Okay?” you let out, and it sounds like a question. You scoff again, before adding, “Why didn’t you reply to my text?”

Oh, so this is what it’s about. You’re upset because he ignored your text. It feels absurd and stupid and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, so Jungkook just smiles and shrugs. “I genuinely don’t really want to talk about last night. I’m all okay today.”

And he does think he is, now that he’s talking to you.

You remain silent for a while, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip. You then brush a strand of hair that’s fallen from your ponytail behind your ear, nodding your head. “Understood. Won’t be nice to you again.”

“Oh please,” Jungkook teases. “You can’t resist it.”

He’s happy. The more he talks to you, the happier he is. He feels like he’s floating, and he wishes you’d both stay right then and there, in the studio, until the end of time.

He hasn’t felt so light in forever.

“Oh, I can, Jeon.” You fold your arms on your chest, imitating his posture. “Watch me.”

But there’s a teasing glint in your eyes, probably awakened by his own teasing demeanour.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text,” he apologizes, because he feels like he needs to clear the air with you. He doesn’t want you to be upset with him anymore. “I genuinely didn’t know what to say, and I figured I was going to see you tonight anyway.”

You look away for the first time in the conversation. Your eyes move down, and he’s pretty sure you’re looking at the scar on his stomach. It makes it itch, and if he weren’t with you, he’d scratch it. But he resists, offering you a tight-lipped smile as you look up at his eyes again.

“Well, forget I suggested coffee then,” you say. You wink at him. “I’ll start being a bitch again now.”

“Please do.”

You look startled. “You want me to be a bitch?”

He laughs, scratching the nape of his neck. “No.” He scrunches up his nose, thinking really hard about what he wants to say. Only he doesn’t know what to say. He feels like he’s never talked to you before in his whole life. He can barely remember breaking down in front of you not even twenty-four hours ago. “Yes? Just be your same usual self.”

“Noted,” you say, nodding your head forcefully.

It’s cute, and it makes your ponytail swing behind you. He has half a thought to reach and pull on it, just to annoy you, but he resists.

Instead, he looks around, before resuming his attention on you. “Just, one thing.”

You hold his gaze, cocking an eyebrow in question as you purse your lips. “Mmh?”

“Please don’t tell the others,” he says. It’s a little more serious than he was just a second ago, but he feels like it’s needed to get the point across. “I’d prefer if they didn’t know.”

The corners of your lips stretch into a small, soft smile. “I didn’t plan on telling anyone. I figured you’re the one that should tell them if you want to.” You glance towards the door, and you’re not watching him when you add, “I think Bridget told Heather though. And I don’t know if Heather will remain silent”.

He doesn’t care if Heather tells the others. He just doesn’t want you to do it. It makes no sense, but at the same time it makes all the sense in the world to him.

“Yeah, I think she knows too.” He pulls at his piercing, letting out a small sigh. “I’ll talk to her.”

You nod, and the room falls silent. He wishes he had more to tell you, but it seems you’ve run out of conversation topics, because you eventually wet your lips and say, “Well, I guess I’ll be going home now”. And then you laugh, shaking your head. “I was supposed to leave with Jiho, but I’m pretty sure she’s gone with Hobi.”

“Hobi talked about her for like an hour before we got here,” Jungkook admits, relieved that you provided a topic. “They’re going on a date tomorrow.”

You smile, widely, and he reckons you’re like him. Your friends’ happiness makes you happy, and happiness truly looks good on you. It makes your eyes sparkle, and you look like a kid who’s just received the perfect gift on Christmas morning.

“I know!” you yelp, taking him by surprise when you even clap your hands. “They’re going to the restaurant I suggested.”

There’s something warm in Jungkook’s chest. It just becomes stronger and stronger the more he looks at you, and it makes him feel wary. Enough so that he looks away and tries to tame it down.

“I hope everything will work out for them,” he says, and he scrapes his throat because the warmth is choking him up now.

“I’m sure it will”, you reply, confidently. “Jiho has been into him for like three years now.”

Jungkook feels bad for her, because three years ago Hobi was still with his ex. But it seems patience makes miracles, because she’s getting a date with Hobi now, isn’t she?

It makes Jungkook realize that sometimes, the right person for someone might have been around all along. They’ve just been blind to it. Now, that’s a thought that makes him want to get out of this room. To flee this cloud before it breaks, and he meets your gaze.

You’re watching him already, with a wistful look on your features. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

He hates it. Hates everything that your little sentence makes him feel, so he just nods his head, before saying, “It’s getting late, I should hurry if I want to catch the bus”.           

Your eyes widen. “I’ll order you a Lyft, come on.”

“No!” he refuses. “It’s all good.”

“But it’s late,” you insist, and you bend down to grab your phone on your sweater.

It offers Jungkook a straight view to your cleavage, and he freezes, right as pink dusts his cheeks. “I swear,” he reassures you, adding your name before continuing, “I’d rather take the bus. But thank you for the offer.”

You fake-glare at him. “Right, I’m supposed to be a bitch anyway.” You fold your arms on your chest, cocking an eyebrow arrogantly, and you look just like you’ve always looked when you say, “What the fuck are you still doing here? You’re wasting my oxygen.”

It makes the both of you laugh, and Jungkook just shakes his head. “Please, I know you love looking at me.”

You look offended, somehow, and you scoff. “I’d rather gouge my eyeballs out of my head instead of having to look at you for a second longer.”

“Ouch, that was rough.”

“You deserved it.” You shrug your shoulders, before motioning at the door in a swooshing motion. “Now, go lick your wounds somewhere else.”

“Aren’t you leaving too?”

You glare at him now, and you’re so good at it he almost thinks you’re angry. “Why, do you want to walk me home?”

His mouth falls open. Would you let him walk you home? For some reason, he’s pretty sure you’ll punch him if he even suggests it. So instead, he chooses to say, “And suffer the whole way? Nah, I’m good.”

It’s a low-key mention of his injury. You immediately catch on to it, and Jungkook hates the look that takes over your features. He thought that you didn’t have pity for him in you, but it seems you do. You do and it feels like the fist around his heart is back, and the air burns a little.

You seem like you want to say something, but he’s quicker than you.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Jungkook.”

“No, I’m serious, don’t you fucking look at me like that.”

And just like that the light atmosphere shifted back into darkness.

You scoff, shaking your head. “And here I was starting to think that you’re a decent guy. Never mind, Jeon.” You scoff once more, and the corners of your mouth are pulled down in a look of pure disgust. “I’m going home.”

He lets you go. He doesn’t even look at you as you pick up your stuff and leave, not once glancing back.

No matter how enjoyable this interlude in your usual relationship was, Jungkook prefers the usual hate. It’s safer, more comfortable, and a habit that protects him from the vulnerability.

Why then is he staring at your text two hours later in his bed at home, unable to fall asleep, wishing he didn’t say what he did?

In all truth, he knows why, he just doesn’t want to formulate the thought. Doesn’t want to give it the power to exist in the confines of his brain. So he ignores it, shoves the warmth in his chest so far down in the hole occupied by his lost dream that he can’t really feel it anymore.

Only then does he feel safe again, but he still can’t fall asleep.

He hopes you’re not struggling with insomnia as much as he is.

Thursday, June 28th

                The auditions for nationals are in a week. Seven days, and you’re still not sure you’ve mastered the choreography well. You’re anxious – have been for weeks now – and all you want is to lie down on the floor until everything is over.

Which, coincidentally, is what Lance has been doing for the last fifteen minutes, claiming he needed a break from Jungkook. Because Jungkook is worse than Hobi, making you repeat the choreography for stupid unnecessary things like Jiho’s hair was in her face or Scottie’s shirt rode too high while he was doing a certain move.

In May, when you learned about what happened to Jungkook, you had a few days of feeling bad for him. Wishing you didn’t get in a fight with him during that dance practice, wishing your relationship with him wasn’t just hateful.

It feels like there’s been too much history between you for it to ever change. Because you saw a glimpse of something else, for a few minutes that night. Jungkook was more open, calmer, and his expressions were set in a softer look. It was easier to be around him, more enjoyable, and you wished for a fleeting moment that it could last.

Alas, it only lasted a few minutes before he moved back to the harsh look he reserved for you, only because he assumed you were pitying him. Which, maybe you were. You don’t know. It’s hard to tell when you haven’t been through what he has, and when you can tell he suffers.

But you’re not sure if it’s pity or concern. You don’t think he can tell the difference either.

“Lance,” you grumble as you finish the choreography, heart beating out of your chest. “Get the fuck up we need you.”

Lance mumbles something incoherent, before turning his head away from where you’re glaring at him. It makes you look up to catch Jungkook’s gaze, and he immediately looks away the moment your eyes meet. He’s been doing that a lot now too. Where he used to glare at you or smirk insufferably, Jungkook just ignores you.

You don’t think you like it. But you’ve gotten used to it over the course of the last few weeks, so you just roll along with it now.

You’ve kept his secret safe. You thought it would be hard, especially to hide it from Jiho, but after a few days it just became normal. Jiho has more to tell you about Hobi anyway.

Because they’ve found time to go on dates every week since then. Sweet dates, with him picking her up and bringing her flowers and doing things that he knows make her happy. Even at dance practice, everyone can see how they are sickly into each other. You’re happy for Jiho, you really are, but it’s starting to feel a little lonely.

At least you’ve got Jo and the other girls now too. You’ve met the mysterious Kiko now – a sweet girl with the voice of an angel – and your girl’s nights with Jiho have turned into Thirsty Thursdays. You haven’t understood the meaning of the Thirsty yet, considering all of them are dating now, but you just roll along with it.

It’s led to fun nights, and that really is the only thing that matters, right?

Tonight makes no exception. Jiho, Heather and you have dance practice until 10 pm, and then you’re supposed to meet with the girls at a bar on their side of town. Which means you’re already dressed up, though you put on a sports skirt to avoid showing off your ass to the rest of the boys. Not that it would matter – Scottie is not interested in women at all, Lance only has eyes for Chaeyeon now, Hobi is way too respectful for that and Jungkook doesn’t even look at you anymore.

You scoff, glancing away from Jungkook to settle your gaze back on Lance. “Get up,” you repeat, before walking over to him to kick him in the ribs. “Or I’ll tell Chaeyeon how much of a loser you are.”

He fakes offence. “Me, a loser? Nah, we’re going to win this shit.”

The sudden confidence is a boost to everyone’s mood, and soon enough you’re back to dancing, with a much-needed vigor. It’s enough that Jungkook lets you go after you’ve done the choreographies two times more, telling everyone they did a good job.

“Same time Saturday,” he says.

You think you notice him looking at you in the mirror, but as soon as you turn your head in that direction he’s already glanced away, focusing himself on typing something on his phone.

“We know,” Lance says jokingly, before punching Jungkook in the shoulder.

Jungkook snickers, and he deadpans, “You were two hours late last week because you were too busy with your girlfriend”.

“Can’t blame me,” Lance says, shrugging his shoulders. “Chae comes first, the rest of you can suck it up.” It’s cute and endearing, and your heart feels warm as Lance glances your way. You have no idea what brings him to think of that, but he scans the whole room before suggesting, “We should rent a cottage. After the auditions. We should all get shitfaced for three days straight.”

Hobi laughs from where he’s standing next to Jiho. “Scottie is too young for that.”

“Hey, I’m twenty-two!” Scottie exclaims. “I can get shitfaced.”

“You’re a baby,” Heather puts in. “Just accept it. I refuse to acknowledge the fact you are major now.”

Scottie rolls his eyes, placing a sassy fist on his hip. “Then sucks to be you because I am, and I’m going to get shitfaced with Lance. Right?”

Lance has a large grin on his lips. “Damn fucking right.”

“As long as we get a cottage with a hot tub I’m in,” Jiho says innocently. Hobi cocks an eyebrow as he looks at her, as if he didn’t just say Scottie can’t go. “What?” Jiho adds, shrugging her shoulders. “A cottage weekend does sound like fun.”

It does. It really does. You haven’t gone to the countryside in years now, and you can already picture a cute, picturesque cottage on the side of a lake, with a long quay you can lie on and stargaze. The cottage has a fireplace, a circle of rock in the middle of which flames burn at night until they turn to embers and you roast marshmallows on it. You can almost feel the warmth of the hot tub, and the laughter of friends seems to almost overtake your ears…

Yeah, you’re due for a trip out of the city.

“I want marshmallows,” you say, sighing dreamily. “I haven’t had marshmallows since like…”

“Since the camping trip when we were thirteen? When Jisung got shit on by that seagull?”

You burst out laughing at the same time as Jiho does, right as the memory comes back to you. It had been a fun camping trip, with Jiho’s parents renting a camper. They had invited you along on their trip, and you had gone to the beach with them.

Good memories indeed.

Your laughter recedes, and you notice everyone is looking at you. Even Jungkook. His eyes are a little widened, as if he’s surprised, and there’s a light flush on his cheeks when he looks away.

It’s the strangest sight to see, and you’re unable to shake the feeling away while you get ready with Jiho later to rush to the bar where Jo and the others are already waiting for you. Jiho notices your unease as she applies your eyeliner.

“What’s up with you?”

“Nothing,” you immediately say, way too fast for it to sound casual.

She just cocks an eyebrow and keeps applying the makeup. At least she has the decency to ignore the blush that creeps on your cheeks.

“It’s just…” you sigh, and turn your head when she starts to work on your second eye. “I don’t know.”

“Jungkook?”

You want to kill her for knowing you so well, so you remain silent, choosing peace over violence.

“I’m going to say something right now that might make you want to kill me,” Jiho says, lips pursed.

“I would advise not saying it,” you mumble and she playfully pats your cheek.

“Don’t move.” You pout, but obey nonetheless. She continues working in silence for a time, before saying, “I know about the accident”.

Your heart stops in your chest, and you’re pretty sure all colours have drained out of your features. You still try to play it cool, saying, “What accident?”

“February last year? Jungkook got injured, then ghosted us. Ring a bell?”

You can’t really pretend you don’t know what she’s talking about, can you? “How do you know?”

“Hobi told me,” she admits. “He made me promise to never talk about it, but he mentioned you knew already.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t blame you for not telling me,” she reassures you, having sensed your discomfort. “Actually, it tells a lot about your relationship with JK that you respected his decision.”

You scoff as she pulls the eyeliner away from your face, putting it down on her vanity to grab her La Neige lip tint. “My relationship with Jungkook? We’re not even friends.”

“Why though?”

It’s a good question that just pisses you off further. “Because he’s a dick. He told me about the accident and got angry at me for looking concerned and then he started ignoring me.” You chuckle bitterly. “It’s not like I’m going to try and make him talk to me. I don’t give a shit about him.”

Jiho is silent for a long time. Far too long for it to be normal. Like she doesn’t believe you at all and is waiting for you to realize. You’re just as stubborn, so you don’t say anything as she puts the lip tint on her pretty lips.

It makes for an awkward two minutes, but she’s the one that breaks first. “You don’t believe that.”

You furrow your brows. “Why the fuck would you say that?”

She laughs. Not in a mean way, probably just because your cheeks are burning and she believes she can read you like the back of her hand. “Because you don’t believe that.”

You fold your arms on your chest, sitting back in the chair she’s forced you to sit in while she did your eyeliner. You remain silent once again, clenching your jaw as you choose not to get upset. You’re not sure it works, and Jiho just playfully punches you on the shoulder.

“Calm down, babe,” she says. “He’s changed.”

“He’s still an ass with me,” you point out. “He’s changed with the rest of you guys, but he’s even worse with me. He’s been completely ignoring me for weeks.”

“Because he’s scared of what you think about him.”

“He doesn’t give a shit about what I think of him? He’s made that clear enough.” Jiho goes back to her infuriating silence. And you don’t want the conversation to keep going in that direction, so you ask, “How has it been going with Hobi anyway?”

She flushes red as she always does whenever Hobi is mentioned. “Do not think this conversation is over,” she says, threatening you with the lip tint bottle. “But it’s been…” She chuckles. “It’s been great. I think we’re pretty much official now.”

It’s disgustingly cute. It makes you think of Lance and Chaeyeon, of Heather and Bridget, Jo and Taehyung and Kiko and Yoongi…

It makes you feel lonely, like Lance did earlier. It’s a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to growing up, so it’s easy to let it slide over you instead of letting it fester inside.

“Look at you,” you say teasingly. “Who knew you’d pull your lifelong crush?”

“Lifelong?” she snickers. “I’ve had a crush on him for like two years.”

You throw a no-bullshit look her way.

“Okay maybe three…”

It makes you both laugh, and it diffuses the situation that was escalating just a moment ago. You’re relieved, because you’re pretty sure if she mentioned Jungkook just once more you would have blown up in her face.

You take shots downstairs with Jisung and Felix before going, and you giggle in the Lyft on the way to the bar the other girls chose. As per usual, you’re the two last to get there – fashionably late is the way to go, right?

It takes you way too long to realize girl’s night will in fact not be girl’s night. Yoongi is the first you notice, maybe because he’s looking at the exit when you walk in, as if he’s just waiting for the right time to bail. He nods as he sees you, and Kiko turns. She smiles her shy smile, the one that doesn’t show her teeth, and she nods as well, almost a copycat of her boyfriend.

Then it’s like a domino effect, and everyone turns to look at you. Nine pairs of eyes, all on you: Jin, Valeria, Taehyung, Jo, Bridget, Heather, Kiko, Yoongi and Jimin. The latter offers you a secretive smile.

You might have been texting him a little. Nothing serious, but he does appear in your dms once in a while, replying to a story you posted. You always decided to ignore him, only liking his replies, but tonight there’s something in the way Park Jimin is looking at you, sitting there, that makes something warm trickle down your spine.

Maybe because of your conversation with Jiho. It’s hard to tell, and your best friend pulls you towards the rest of the group before you can figure it out. The feeling only increases tenfold when you stop next to the table, and Jimin gets up to greet you, quickly followed by the others.

You hug everyone, and Jo holds you a second longer. “Sorry for inviting the rest, Tae begged and I figured…” You pull away from the hug, and she does have a sheepish look on her features. “Thirsty Thursday doesn’t mean no men?”

You laugh at that comment, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s fine, don’t worry.”

And really, you don’t mind. You like hanging out with them all. You’re relieved they didn’t think to invite Jungkook though, because one thing you’ve figured is that, where Jimin goes Jungkook usually follows.

The night starts off with talking and a few drinks with the group, until you find yourself intoxicated more than you have initially planned to. It doesn’t really matter – you have a day off tomorrow at the internship. Indeed, it only goes from Monday to Thursday, since the lawyer you follow takes the day off on Fridays for the whole of summer.

So you drink, and when they clear a spot for the dancefloor, you let Jiho pull you to it. Let her dance with you, like you usually do when you’re trying to get a guy’s attention. You reckon she’s drunker than you – she’s a giggly mess and she keeps stepping on your feet, which she never usually does. It’s fun, and you feel some anxiety peel away from your skin as if you’re an onion and someone’s about to cut you up to pieces.

You do feel like somebody is about to cut you up to pieces when Jimin moves closer to you, and the smirk on his lips sets something on fire inside of you. Or maybe it’s the alcohol. It doesn’t matter because you pull away from Jiho to move closer to him, almost instinctively.

It’s like he fits like a glove. You face him, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into the dance as his hands find your waist. One of them slips to your back, and he presses you against him as you move to the music, the rhythm a sensual dance between the two of you.

“Hello, you,” he purrs, and you look up at him.

“Hello,” you reply in the same tone, and he makes you spin until your back is facing him. He’s impossibly close and as his hands guide your hips, your eyes trail up.

You entirely stop moving when your gaze meets Jungkook. He’s standing near the door, clad in different clothes than earlier today, but in that same black shade he seems to adore. He also has a chain, with large links that give a rougher vibe to him.

The look on his features is rough too, especially as Jimin leans to speak into your ear. “I thought you might want to piss him off.”

You chuckle, turning your head to gaze at the man behind you over your shoulder. It brings your face way too close to his, and you have to resist the lava in your blood that makes you want to close the gap.

It’s the self-destructive kind of magma, and you don’t feel like indulging in it. Instead, you purr, “Why do you think I’d want to piss him off?”

Jimin chuckles, and you turn your head away from him because damn him, his lips really are inviting. “He’s been a little shit at home. I assume he’s been that way with you too.”

You laugh, and it’s bitter, angry. It surprises even you. “He’s been ignoring me.” You turn in Jimin’s arms, until you’re facing him. You keep your head hung low, enough so that he can’t lean down and press his lips against yours. Jimin is a gentleman though, you know he’d never kiss you without asking for consent first.

“Explains why he’s been a little shit then,” he says matter-of-factly. He straightens a little, putting a comfortable distance between your faces.

“And you think this little show is going to piss him off?”

He smirks, tilting his head to the side. All the while he’s been making you move to the music, and you know to outside gazes you look like you’re flirting. Can planning to piss Jeon Jungkook off count as flirting?

“Oh, I know it will,” Jimin says, shrugging his shoulders. “Jungkook wears his emotions on his face.”

Maybe he does. Around you, his emotion is usually mostly contempt, so you don’t really know.

“What do you gain from pissing him off?” you ask, and you genuinely wonder. What is Jimin trying to do?

“Nothing,” he admits. He purses his lips, before offering you yet another dashing smile. “Mostly I just want to see what he’ll do.”

Jimin pulls you a little closer, and his forehead presses against yours.

“What are you doing?” you murmur, as your heart beats like a hammer against your ribcage. Hell, even if you’re not really into Jimin like that, he’s Park Jimin. You don’t think anyone in their right mind could stay indifferent to him.

“He’s looking right now,” he replies. He chuckles, before saying, “Now, let me tell you what you’re going to do”. His lips move so close to you it feels as if your brain is short-circuiting in your head. “You’re going to act as if I’ve just offended you, and you go to the bathroom.”

“Why?”

“He’ll follow, and maybe he’ll finally…”

Jimin never finishes his sentence. Someone bumps into you, and it breaks the contact between you and him. Instead of pulling you back in, Jimin motions towards the bathroom, offering you an encouraging smile. You’re stunned for a moment, and you hope it does the trick. You hope you really do look offended, because in truth, you were enjoying Jimin’s proximity.

You don’t like that you were. It feels like you shouldn’t be enjoying his proximity at all. He’s not even really your friend anyway.

You don’t have a choice but to follow his advice though, and you turn around, beelining straight to the bathroom. You make your way through the crowd, scrunching up your nose in disgust at the sweaty guy your hand accidentally touched, and a few seconds later you finally find the line to the bathroom.

It’s a unisex bathroom, with three stalls that are currently all occupied. There’s a guy in front of you, and you glare at him as he smiles at you. He frowns, but it works and he turns back around. A stall frees up a little under a minute later, and you’re mindlessly watching a girl washing her hands when a large hand finds the small of your back.

You startle, and you turn around fully ready to knock some sense into whoever it is, until you see it’s Jungkook.

You freeze for a few seconds, and then let out a laugh as you realize whatever Jimin was doing worked.

“You and Jimin, uh,” Jungkook says bitterly, and his hand clenches into a fist where it falls at his side.

You cock your head to the side. “So you’re talking to me now?”

He plays with his piercing in silence, before scoffing. “I was never not talking to you.” You widen your eyes and let out a disbelieved laugh as you fold your arms on your chest. “I’m serious,” he adds. “I just…”

“Don’t even try to explain, Jeon, save your oxygen.”

He’s frowning now, and you reckon he probably has the same expression on his features that you have on yours. “I thought you said you weren’t going to flirt with Jimin.”

“That was over a month ago,” you point out. “People change, unless you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, I know,” he says, chuckling bitterly. “But Jimin? There are dozens of guys in this bar, can’t you just choose someone else to fuck?”

You’re starting to see red. You feel it in the tremble that starts deep down in your core, before taking over the whole of your body. “I’m not going to fuck Jimin. He’s just a friend.”

“You dance with all of your friends like that?”

You turn away from him, hoping one of the stalls will be free now, but you’re in no luck. He grabs your arm, forcing you to turn back around. Your eyes drop to his hand on your arm. His fingers are gentle, way gentler than his features. “Fucking let go of me,” you snap. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t know what part of getting into an accident made you want to act like you’re just a fucking victim of everything around you but my life has nothing to do with yours. Why do you fucking care?”

He looks stunned. “I… What?”

His confusion douses your fury, and you furrow your brows. “What do you mean, what?”

“I don’t care.”

You don’t know who he is trying to convince right now. And you don’t feel like getting to the bottom of it with him. In fact, you really don’t like the look on his face, and you just want to put distance between you and him. So you roll your eyes, before saying, “Alright then, leave me alone, Jeon. I won’t dance with Jimin again.”

He doesn’t even look happy or relieved that you’re saying that. Instead, his features fall a little, moving from a frown to a sad expression that makes something stir in your chest. “I… If you want to get with Jimin, you can.”

Now, you really are confused. “You come here to be a little bitch about this all and now you’re saying it’s fine?”

He pulls at his piercing, and his eyes flicker to the man that walks past you, indicating that a stall must be free now. “Yeah. If that’s what you want, who am I to tell you not to do it?”

You don’t know. You have no idea how the conversation managed to take this turn, so you wet your lips, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I was being a dick. You’re right, I should stop acting like I’m a fucking victim.”

Now, your heart really does ache in your chest. Because what you said was inconsiderate, and you don’t even really mean it. Not the way that he interpreted it though, that’s for sure.

“Jungkook…”

“No, it’s really okay,” he says. He still looks sad, but he offers you a tight-lipped smile. “I’m sorry.”

Just like that he’s walking away, and why are you following him? You stop him by grabbing his arm, just like he did to you a moment ago. You hold on to him longer than he did to you, because his skin is warm under your fingers. His tattoos didn’t take away the softness of his skin, and you don’t really want to let him go. Not just yet.

“I didn’t mean it.” You look him in the eyes as he turns just enough so that his gaze can meet yours. “I got angry.”

“No but you’re right,” he insists. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know why I don’t like you talking to Jimin. You can do whatever you want.”

You let his arm go, albeit reluctantly. “If it can reassure you, I am not interested in Jimin like that. Like yes, he’s attractive, but I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

At that Jungkook laughs. It’s somehow melancholic, and you reckon you’ve brought his demons to the forefront of his mind tonight. “Jimin-hyung doesn’t do relationships, you’re in luck.”

“No,” you grumble, and you shut your eyes, as if you have to explain something to a thick-headed five years old. “I’m really not interested in Jimin. Like at all.” Your eyelids flutter open, and you catch the movement of Jungkook’s eyes as they snap away from you.

“Okay,” he lets out flatly. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”

He looks genuine. You’d be angry at him if he didn’t really look as genuine as he does right now.

“Nothing’s ruined, I promise,” you reassure him and you offer him a small smile. “I was tired of dancing anyway.”

The word ‘dancing’ has his gaze trail to the dancefloor, and he bites at his piercing before glancing back at you. “Oh.”

You realize this is awkward. Because what you said really seems to have upset Jungkook. And you can’t really blame him, it was low. The only thing is, you’re not close enough to him to make him understand. So all you can do when he says he’s going to head home is wish him goodnight.

You feel horrible as you watch him leave, and he’s only just crossed the doors leading to the world outside when you break into a small jog. You make it outside in a hurry, just to see he’s leaning against the wall next to the door.

He seems startled to see you, and you feel just as startled to see he hasn’t really left yet.

“I was wondering,” you let out, and you take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Are you going to come to the cottage? You didn’t say you would earlier.”

You have no idea why that’s come to your mind, but you’re just going to roll with it.

“Uh.” He glances down at his phone in his hand. “Am I even invited?”

You wet your lips, shrugging. “I mean, you’re part of the crew, of course you are.”

He holds your gaze for so long you think the Earth has time to revolve around the sun once before he speaks again. “Am I really part of the crew?”

You reckon he might need to hear it, so you don’t hesitate when you say, “Of course. We’d be nothing without you.”

At that the sad expression on his features melts away. It does so slowly, starting with his eyes. They crinkle at the corners, sparkling a little, and then it trickles down his face, until the corners of his lips tug upwards. It makes you smile too, and you just gaze at each other like that for a few heartbeats. It feels intimate, miles away from the usual bickering and hatred that you share.

It’s new, but it doesn’t feel scary. Jungkook doesn’t feel scary when he’s smiling softly.

“Yes, I’ll come,” he finally says.

It makes you blink, and it’s like the scene is coming back into focus. You realize there are a couple of people smoking a few meters away, and a soft breeze pushes the smoke towards you. You hate the smell, but somehow you can’t shake the smile from your lips.

“Good.” You nod once, and you glance towards the door. “I guess… I guess I’ll let you go home then.”

He nods too, and he tilts his head to the side. He’s surveying you with those big eyes of his. They shine with stars right now, as if his happiness brings the constellations to his gaze. Or maybe it’s just the reflection from the streetlights and car headlights, but it’s beautiful.

Jungkook has beautiful eyes.

“Just waiting for a Lyft,” he says, motioning up with his phone.

You worry at your lips, before flattening your skirt mindlessly. “Is it going to be here anytime soon?”

He looks at the rectangle of light, face falling serious. It takes him a few seconds, but then he nods. “Yep. Should pull up pretty much now.”

You glance at the two sides of the street, and sure enough a car slows down until it stops in front of you. “Alright then,” you say. “Good night, Jeon.”

You don’t usually say his last name like you said it just now. It feels different, in all the right ways that it can.

“Good night,” he echoes, tentatively adding your name at the end. “I’ll see you at practice Saturday?”

“Yes. See you then.”

You’re grinning like an idiot when you’re home later, thinking of the interaction. It felt refreshing to be with Jungkook like that. As if you can be friends.

You never imagined you would want to be friends with him, but somehow tonight you want it. It only doubles up when a series of texts appears on your screen, hiding the top part of the anime you’re watching in bed before going to sleep.

[3:02 am] unsaved number: lmaooi jmin saud i cockblocled him😂 [3:02 am] unsaved number: cockblocked* [3:02 am] unsaved number: sry im drunk

You laugh softly, turning on your back as you pause the anime. You go to the conversation, and you’re about to reply when he adds,

[3:03 am] unsaved number: plz ignorr this

You don’t hesitate when you save his number under his name.

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What do we think of this chapter?? Enemies to lovers not too enemies anymore uh? Hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought!

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[rinchfest]

Coming this September to an internet near you: Rinch Fest 2023, a ship week for Harold Finch/John Reese from Person of Interest! This is a low-pressure event meant to encourage the creation of more fanworks for Finch/Reese or Finch & Reese’s friendship. Fic, art, gifs, vids, podfic, you name it—all are welcome, as long as they’re Rinch-centric.

Posting for Rinch Fest will run from September 24 through September 30, 2023

PROMPTS:

Day One – September 24 Huddling for Warmth • Belly • Nesting The Oh of Realization • Hurt/Comfort

Day Two – September 25 Family • Flowers • Food/Drinks/Cooking Time Travel/Loop • "Always"

Day Three – September 26 Pets/Animals • Road Trip • Beach Cabin in the Woods • Music

Day Four – September 27 Dancing • Bookshop • Declaration of Love Surprises • Retirement

Day Five – September 28 The Machine • Only One Bed • Bird Watching Mutual Pining • "Five+1"

Day Six – September 29 Power Outage • Outsider POV • Boundaries Wedding/Marriage • Gender

Day Seven – September 30 Free-For-All/Catch-Up Day

Keep reading for more info!

Who’s running this? ArgylePirateWD. Hi!

Any changes since last year? More prompts for each day and Finch and Reese friendship works are now allowed.

Why not call it Rinch Week? It started out as Rinch Fest on The Rinch Loft on Discord, and that’s what stuck.

Plus, Rinch Fest and Reese & Finch share the same initials.

What’s allowed? Complete fanworks focusing on Harold Finch and John Reese in a romantic or close platonic relationship with each other. Fic, art, vids, remixes, sequels, you name it! No length requirements, no style requirements, all ratings allowed—do what you want!

Anything not allowed? Works where Finch/Reese or Finch & Reese is not the primary relationship (additional ships are fine), works that are incomplete at the time of posting, and remixes or other transformative works for other people’s fanworks that are done without the original creator’s permission. Anything else is fair game, as long as it’s labeled.

Also, don’t be a jerk.

What about [insert controversial topic here]? Can I make something with x?/OMG someone made something with x! Anything else is fair game, as long as it’s labeled. This includes works featuring tropes and kinks that you may not like or approve of. As long as it’s warned for, it’s fine and allowed.

Please warn for the usual AO3 warnings (Major Character Death, Graphic Violence, Rape/Non-Con, and Underage) and any subjects others may find deeply unpleasant, and clearly label any NSFW works.

What about poly? Gen? Poly is wonderful, but this is a Finch/Reese or Finch&Reese event. Sorry.

Finch & Reese gen is allowed!

What do I do with x prompt?/Can I do [insert concept here]? Anything goes! Seriously, however you want to interpret a prompt is fine.

Do I have to make something for every prompt? No! You can if you want, but it’s not required. Feel free to skip days, combine prompts, create multiple fills for each day, anything! This is as flexible as it gets.

If it fits multiple prompts, when do I post it? Whatever day works best for you!

What if I want to do something NSFW? There's no nsfw prompt this year. Is it still allowed? YES! Bring on the spicy if you want!

What about a multi-chapter/piece thing where each chapter fulfills one day’s prompt? When do I post that? Post an update each relevant day until you’re done! (Just make sure you can finish it by the end of the event.)

What if it doesn’t fit a prompt? That’s what Day 7 is for! :D

What if I need to post my fill(s) on a different day? Life happens. The AO3 collection is set to Unrevealed, so I can reveal early submissions on the right day, but if that doesn’t work for you, I’m sure we can work something out.

Can I work on a previously-posted WIP? As long as it’s finished when you make your post for the event, sure! If you’re just updating a WIP without finishing it, no.

Can I start working now? Absolutely! That’s why I’m announcing it now—so there’s plenty of time for people to make things.

Can I talk about/share previews of what I’m working on? Sure!

Wait, there’s a Rinch Discord server? Do I have to join to do this? Of course not. We’d love to have you at The Rinch Loft, and it’s a fun place to hang out, but Rinch Fest is for anyone into Rinch.

If I want the Discord link… Send in an Ask to the @rinchfest Tumblr, contact ArgylePirateWD somewhere, or ask around. It’s open to anyone who likes Rinch or Person of Interest. I’m happy to give it out to anyone who wants it.

Where do I post? On Tumblr, post to your blog and use the #rinchfest23 or #rinchweek23 tags. You are They are being watched. 👁 And maybe add @rinchfest in your post to be sure. Tumblr is as hungry as Bear and Shaw.

Submissions are also open.

On AO3, you can post it here: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/rinchfest23/

Do I have to have a Tumblr? AO3? As long as you’re on some kind of platform and can get a link to the work to me somehow so I can share it with the world, you’re welcome to play.

On October 1st, I’ll make a round-up post full of links to all the shiny things people made. If I know you made it, it’ll go in!

What time zone? The daily prompt posts will be going up at 12 am Central Time, but as long as it’s the relevant day for your fill somewhere in the world, go ahead and throw it in!

(And if you want to sneak in some Day 7 things a little after, as long as they get posted before the Master Post goes up… 😉)

Sounds fun! How do I sign up? No signups! Just post your stuff somewhere on the right day(s), and you’re in!

Finally, thank you to everyone who participated last year, and to everyone on The Rinch Loft that contributed prompts for Round 3!

[canonicallyobserving911]

Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

FANON FanFic: Buddie Multi-Chapter - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 32 will be posted one day this week!

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Currently 31 chapters completed: 1.384M Words; Rated: Mature

#1 {Previous Snippet}; #2 {Previous Snippet}; #3 {Previous Snippet}

__________

It's been a minute and I apologize for the delay but I'm working on my multi-chapter fic again and Chapter 32 is in progress. My goal is to post it this week. Reminder, there are only 9 chapters left and they're going to be good. 😜😉🤗🙃😊😁

Don't forget, Buck and Eddie are still waiting to hear about the house in San Gimignano.

__________

I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 32 because at the end of Chapter 31, Buck was trying to process everything that happened to him and Chris Friday evening while they were inside of Super Target. After his heart stopped and he had to be revived by a cardiologist, who just so happened to be shopping on the next aisle, he spent time after he was revived but unconscious seeing glimpses of his future life with Eddie over the next 20 years.

More than three hours later, after he woke up, he was so exhausted he spent hours sleeping as his body recuperated with Eddie by his bedside. The 118 was there in full force to support Buck, Eddie and Chris and after Eddie made the connection to Lucy and Jonah's other victims, Buck gave Athena and Detective Romero a statement the next day. Early Saturday morning, they were eventually captured but the aftermath of the things they did are affecting Buck and Chris in a major way and all Eddie wants to do is take his husband and son back to Italy so they can keep healing. Will they get the final word on the house they bid on that's located in San Gimignano, Italy in this chapter? 🤷🏽‍♀️

__________

Here’s another snippet from Chapter 32 of a conversation between Buck and Eddie.

__________

When Eddie leaves the room, Buck leans back against the couch and smiles because he’s spending time with his husband.  They’re having a great day at home alone and they have plans for their family this evening too.  In three hours, after they pick Chris up from school, they’re returning home and they’ll help him with his homework, if he has any, then they’re going to cook dinner together and they'll have dessert which consists of slices of New York style cheesecake for him and Chris and carrot cake for Eddie.

His smile widens when he thinks about how things are finally getting back to normal because it’s been more than six weeks since the bottom fell out of their lives.  In three days, they’ll celebrate their two month wedding anniversary and he can’t wait.

As he looks at the ceiling, he’s about to lift his head when he hears a knock on the door. He stands up and walks towards it and once he’s in front of it, he checks the peephole and when he sees it’s a SpedEx delivery driver, he figures it’s their vow renewal invitations and he opens it.

“Hello, may I help you?”

“Yes, I have two packages here one for Mr. Edmundo and Mr. Evan Diaz and another one for Evan Buckley.”

Buck furrows his eyebrows for two reasons.  First, they’re only expecting one package and second, everyone knows he took Eddie’s last name when they got married, including Margaret and Phillip so he’s not sure who sent a package with his former last name on it.

While standing in the doorway, he instantly has a flashback to January 2nd when he got the package from Malone and it causes him to briefly close his eyes.  When the delivery driver starts talking, he shakes himself out of his reverie and listens.

“Can you sign here and here please for both boxes?”  He says as he points at the screen.

“Uh… yeah but who sent the package that’s addressed to Evan Buckley?”  He asks because he’s not sure he wants to sign for it and he’s thinking about telling him to take it back.

The driver looks at the box and admits, “It doesn’t have a return address or a sender’s name on it so… sorry.”

“Ok, thanks.”  He responds as he scribbles his signature on the digital notepad two times.

“Thanks sir and have a great day.”

“You do the same.”  He replies and he closes the door.

After he locks it, he looks at the heavier box and reads it’s from the 118th Avenue Printing Press and he remembers Eddie said it’s the name of the company who printed their vow renewal invitations.  Once he looks at the other box, he reads the label and all he sees is some chicken scratch handwriting that resembles the one he’s seen on B-shift's work schedule.  Then he instantly recognizes it belongs to Captain Reynolds, however, he can’t think of any reason why someone would send something to him at the firehouse that has to be forwarded to his home address.

The longer he holds it, the heavier it becomes and he doesn’t realize it’s been several minutes since he accepted the delivery until he hears his husband’s voice ask, “Hey amore mio, are those the invitations?”

He looks towards the hallway, shakes his head no, then points at the other box and explains, “Uh, no… those are the invitations.”

Immediately, Eddie’s on alert because his husband has a haunted look on his face that resembles the one that he wore on January 2nd, so he takes off and runs towards him.  Once they’re face to face, he says, “It’s ok.  I’m right here.  Let me take it from you.”

He wants to speak but his tongue feels like there's an invisible weight on it, so he slowly nods as Eddie removes it from his hand.

Once he’s holding the box, he takes Buck’s hand in his and leads him to the couch.  After they sit down, he examines it and after he notices Captain Reynolds bad handwriting, he realizes it was forwarded to them from the firehouse but he’s not sure what it is.  He meets Buck’s eyes and says, “Do you want me to open it and look at it?”

“Yes… please.”

Eddie pulls the perforated tab back, removes it, then he opens the flap.  After he slides the contents out, so they’ll land on the side of the couch that’s farthest away from Buck, his eyes widen when he sees what’s inside.  He quickly thumbs through the papers and after he makes it to one with a red background, he stops, reads it and looks at his husband.

Buck’s breath hitches in his throat and he asks, “What is it?”

“Amore mio!”  But those are the only words that come out of his mouth.

Who sent Buck a package? 👀

Will it contain something good or not so good? 🙃

__________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Two years ago, Eddie was asked, “What are you afraid of?”; twice, once by Frank and once by Buck but he only answered one of them without deflecting. Since that time, he’s been to therapy and him and Buck got married but the question resurfaces when Frank asks Buck the same question and Buck asks it of Eddie for the second time. However, when Buck asks, his reasoning will be about something else entirely.

Chapter 29 - After Buck and Eddie have an emotionally intimate conversation regarding their dreams, they make several decisions that will affect their future. When everything falls into place, they’ll realize one of those decisions will result in them no longer being work partners.

Chapter 30 - In 2018, Buck and Eddie met at the 118 and after some initial apprehensions on Buck’s part, they became work partners and they agreed to have each other’s backs. It’s been more than 6 ½ years, a lot’s happened, they got married in December 2023 and they have the family they both chose. With Eddie leaving the 118 in 3 months and Buck getting closer to moving past his grief, what will him losing his work partner mean for him?

Chapter 31 - As Buck’s life hangs in the balance from what’s suspected to be another bradycardia event, Eddie’s by his bedside, their son is being cared for by relatives and their found family is in the waiting room. During this time, many questions will surface that could possibly lead to the truth but will everything be revealed before it’s too late?

Chapter 32 - Will be posted soon.

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Read chapters 1-31 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 32 will be posted one day this week.

[my-taintedheart]

Life is Strange: Double Exposure..

honest review + comparison to LiS1!!

Also light spoiler warning!! If anyone wants it I will be explaining the plot. (it’s crazy confusing but i’ll try to help everyone get it)!! <3 if you want me to make a version without all the spoilers please tell me and I will!!

Key point I almost forgot to add, I chose Chloe died— I can’t see them breaking up and I can’t handle the mischaracterisation of her character either. (I will be playing the ‘We broke up’ pathway but because I just finished the game I wanna let it marinate). If you would like me to do a review on that (or just Chloe) I will, but please be patient!!

there are heavy spoilers in the paragraph about Safi’s character so be careful!!

I finished Life is Strange: Double Exposure the other night and I thought because they finally released the full game and some people (me) didn’t get Life is Strange (the first game) until a while after it’d released, I thought that you should know whether or not to get the game. I think with a game that costs as much as DE you definitely have to take reviews into consideration before spending that much money on a game that you might not like.

First of all, the plot. I thought in the early released 2 chapters I had a grasp on what was happening (I was wrong) the last 3 chapters completely lost me and I could barely put together the pieces of the plot without straining my head trying to understand— the plot could’ve been amazing but I feel as if it’s wasted potential considering that they didn’t need Max Caulfield to be the main character and she’s only there so it’ll be a ‘sequel’ but what i’ve noticed is that it isn’t an actual sequel to LiS1, my reasons for this are: the fact that the only thing connecting the two games are Max and her powers and Victoria Chase posting on Crosstalk.

Next of all, the romance options— I feel like Deck Nine were pushing romance way to much, which is most definitely shown in the game— so many characters were flirting with Max (I get it, she is unbelievably fine.) but I feel like it was too much— the smash or pass game with Vinh is just pushing it too much, yeah I get some adults may do that but it was giving high school and considering Max is pushing (or is?) 30, I felt like it was really childish for a bunch of middle aged/ young adults which is my reason for passing everyone (my heart belongs to Chloe..). I feel like even after friend-zoning Amanda and not drinking with Vinh they still continue to flirt with Max, which I find quite annoying since either of them can’t get the hint she isn’t available— the most annoying thing is that Vinh and Amanda aren’t even into Max like that, Amanda is trying to hide her feelings for Gwen (honestly real) and Vinh is still in love with Safi AND sleeping with Reggie who he later ends up getting with (i’m pretty sure..). No offence to Amanda or Vinh but I got the romantically disentangled badge (Romance neither Vinh or Amanda) because I feel like yes, Max deserves to love again but I don’t feel like in the 10 (?) years after Chloe died she would choose right after her friend (Safi) dies to start dating??

Like LiS1, Double Exposure took around 10 hours to finish the full game, I don’t really mind that because I had nothing to do anyways— the difference is that in LiS1 it didn’t really feel like 10 hours, it had such a steady flow that I got lost in and totally forgot time existed for those 10 hours. Whereas with Double Exposure it felt like time was slowed (in a bad way) and felt 2x longer than the 10 hours that I played, which would make sense for a game that Deck Nine produced because I felt the exact same way with Before the Storm. In my opinion it took so long to finish even though it was the same amount of time I spent on LiS1, I was bored and I just wanted it to be over with— and the fun and exciting feeling that LiS1 filled me with was severely lacking in Double Exposure.

The characters, where do I get started? First on my list:

Max, the main character of the game— she has changed so much in comparison to the girl she used to be in LiS1 but that’s understandable, almost a decade (I think?) later your bound to change even a little. I like how they kept her PTSD from The Dark Room which is shown in the last episode (I won’t spoil), I also like how they kept her nervous aspects but also made her a more confident character which is both shown when Amanda comes over to comfort her and Max says ‘I could eat you under the table’ without realising what it means until she says it, to which she (obviously) get super awkward about when she realises.

Next, Amanda honestly I feel like she was a super nice character and had okay writing which was sadly wasted potential because she (like most of the others) was a character around only to be a romance option for Max and lacked a true personality that didn’t revolve around romance or trying to flirt with Max (even after I friend-zoned Amanda..).

Next: Vinh, the fact that he had more of a personality and character than most of the other characters is disappointing because it’s also wasted potential, coincidentally wasted on guess what? Him only being an important (kinda) character, so he could also be a romance option is disappointing due that he was a (relatively) relatable character for some players. Sadly like Amanda, his whole personality revolved around trying to get into Max’s pants and the fact that he was in love with Safi— and at the same time sleeping around with Reggie.

Heavy spoilers below!! (Skip if you don’t wanna be spoiled)

Next: Safi, honestly her whole character was beyond confusing I mean there isn’t much I can say that could make sense without all the context— but I liked her, her character was probably one of the only characters that had character (if that makes sense?) her backstory was lacking in a way that Chloe’s wasn’t. (I’ll explain how I think they’re connected.) Also, her entire character was wasted on her confusing super-villain trope, all I got was that her Dad left and her Mom was in a bad mental state, her Mom tried to prove that she didn’t need Safi’s Dad’s help to do something right so she pressured Safi to be perfect to the point where Safi broke and became able to shape-shift into somebody else (which nobody, until Max knew about)— and she spiralled out of control after she found out her Mother cancelled her book deal (which was about Maya) and caused a storm because she lost control of her powers (like Max).

Last but not least, my comparison to LiS1– the main difference between Life is Strange and Double Exposure would be the producers: Life is Strange was produced by DONTNOD, correct me if I’m wrong who was fired by Deck Nine after they bought the Life is Strange name— Double Exposure was produced by Deck Nine (sadly) which was shown in the way the game/ characters were presented and produced. What I am the most mad about is how I feel like Deck Nine didn’t try with Double Exposure and only rode off Life is Strange and the nostalgia that comes with it along with Max Caulfield’s name. What I think is the worst joke of all is Chloe: the mischaracterisation, demonisation or just all together the lack of her character. Yes, I get that they may break up, but after everything they’ve been through? Also, the only reason they ‘broke up’ was because Deck Nine hated Chloe because she and Max were a more popular ship in LiS and they treasure Chloe and Rachel because they originate from their game (Before the Storm, which Deck Nine not DONTNOD produced) and are just salty that DONTNOD was praised for one of the best wlw ships in show and game history (my opinion!!) and didn’t want to bring either of her 2 voice actors back to voice her..

Sorry, now this is the last!! What I’ve noticed about Double Exposure the most are the many similarities between the characters, for example: Chloe and Safi. Safi resembles Chloe in many ways such as— her personality, her want for revenge and yet her want to sacrifice herself so that the others she has hurt can live and survive the storm that in theory was caused by her: Safi causes the storm after she spirals out of control of her powers and Chloe (indirectly) causes the storm after Max saves her from getting shot in the bathroom from Nathan Prescott.

Maya, Safi and Max remind me so heavily of Rachel, Chloe and Max— Max is trying so hard to save Safi/ Chloe and trying to prevent their deaths while they’re still stuck on their dead or missing ex-girlfriend/ friend who is no longer in the picture but is always still talked about by them and many others (Rachel and Maya are constantly haunting the narrative).

Vinh and Nathan, there are so many noticeable similarities between the two— the only difference being their financial status and their mental state. Their personalities, how they act, how Vinh made a false statement after Maya died about her mental health and how Nathan ended up overdosing Rachel on accident. Both try to prove themselves, to show that they aren’t their parents and they’re more than just who their parents think they’ll turn out to be. For example: Nathan, accidentally overdoses Rachel (who was his friend, or trusted him enough to take drugs with him) in an attempt to prove himself to Mark Jefferson— and Vinh makes a false statement about Maya’s mental health (who he was supposedly friends with), and was talked about to of ‘followed them around like a puppy’ (the ‘them’ being Safi and Maya). So he can prove himself to Yasmin (Safi’s mother) and have a stable job because he knows that he won’t make it far as an actor and wants a stable fallback plan so he won’t end up working at his parent’s liquor store.

Amanda and Warren, at first I thought of how Amanda reminds me of Chloe but then I realised she is more like Warren in a way, crushing on Max— and even after getting friend-zoned they both still wanted to be close to Max. One of the only differences is that Warren was in love with Max and Amanda was in love with Gwen (I’m pretty sure?), also another difference is Amanda’s personality is more of a mixture of Chloe’s punk-ness and Warren’s sweetness.

I think (for now) the final similarity between the games I have noticed is how the ending of Double Exposure is not original at all. I mean, Double Exposure is an exact carbon copy of the first Life is Strange game— yes I know Double Exposure is a sequel to the first game but that isn’t an excuse for it to be the same game just a different confusing plot, even the characters and the ending were unoriginal. It’s disappointing how this game is so expensive just for the characters and ending to be almost the same as the first game. I mean come on, you have to choose between the town being destroyed and not killing your best friend who you tried so hard to not let end up dying just for you to have to choose— sound familiar? Yeah, it’s the same ending as LiS: You have to choose between the town, rewinding time through a photo to when Nathan shot Chloe and not rewinding time so that you don’t cause the storm trying to save her from that moment on— or choose Chloe and let the town get destroyed because you vowed to never leave her, after (clearly) falling in love with her as you play as Max. Even the way Max goes back in DE to the moment before she shoots Safi is the same as she used to go back before you Max uses her powers to save Chloe. A photo, be more original?

I can’t believe they are so salty towards a fictional character (Chloe) that they would try and replace her with another character (Safi) who severely lacks the emotional depth and writing that Chloe has. Even replicating the ‘Bae or Bay’ ending with Max and Safi? They’re trying so hard to replace Chloe just because they don’t like her but I know that they can’t undo 9 full years of falling in love with Max and Chloe (pricefield), by just remaking the ending with Safi and Max and trying to push their ship on using just so their game can qualify as LGBTQ+ so they can make more money.

In conclusion, wait until it’s on sale at least to waste your money on this game— not only did they make us wait almost an entire decade for a pricefield or After the Storm (Basically a game that included pricefield and what happened after the storm) related game sequel but they piggybacked off LiS and Max Caulfield’s names to squeeze the last drops of money out of a project (started by DONTNOD) that was supposed to share their art style and their story without using it for money, as far as I’m concerned Double Exposure is not canon due to the fact it’s an obvious cash grab with multiple bugs and glitches that show that the game was rushed. I mean, there are multiple reports of layoffs a week before the game is released and how rushed it is.

I don’t think Double Exposure could ever compare to LiS I mean seriously after I’d finished Life is Strange , I sat there sobbing for like a whole hour I mean I was just shocked because just— wow. I think Life is Strange was the first game (or even thing) to make me feel like a different person— like it had changed me in some inexplicable way and all I knew was and now is that I love Life is Strange and nothing will ever change that. Whereas Double Exposure I just finished it and went: ‘meh, I’m just gonna watch some YouTube’— also like Before the Storm (also produced by Deck Nine) I finished the game and was just bored, in absolutely no way did it have the same effect on me that the first Life is Strange game did.

[lavender-at-heart]

Velvet and Lace

Part 1 : The Invitation

----------------------------------------------------

Pairing: Aro Volturi × fem!OC

AN: while this is a oc series I am purposely limiting descriptive elements so it may be read as a reader insert. I don't know how long this series will be, I also haven't posted on here in so long. Please give me feedback and wish me luck! Thanks for reading/engaging!

Warnings: none for this chapter

Word count: 710

Masterlist

----------------------------------------------------

A year. I haven't been to Forks in a year. I spent my entire life thinking that it was everything, now I'm not so sure. I miss my home more than anything, but the wonders I have seen while away. I can only imagine what those quiet town folk will think of my stories. My reason for returning? An envelope that arrived to my hotel room in Bankok. Simple, off white paper with silver etchings that read the following:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Isabella Marie Swan

And

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen

Together with their families, request the honor of your presence at the celebration of their marriage.

Saturday the thirteenth of August, two thousand and eleven, five O'clock in the evening

420 Woodcroft Ave

Forks, WA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could hardly believe the words as they spilled from my mouth. My sister, married? My sweet, anti-social, 18 year old sister? Yes I'm aware that she had found herself a boyfriend, our phone calls over the past year have been of nothing else, it seems. It's so unlike her, but nevertheless I am giddy. Later that evening I recive a phone call from the bride herself, bestowing upon me the title of maid of honor.

When I first met Edward Cullen, I was surprised. I never had any classes with him since he was a grade bellow me, but he always seemed off. His whole family did, which became the talk of the town for months and months. The rest of his siblings seemed relatively well rounded, with sharp minds and passionate interests. I became acquainted with Emmett and Rosalie during our shared English class. Rosalie, while much more reserved than Emmet, was always helpful and kind. We never became friends outside of school but I was shocked to find out that she had a disdain for Bella (I would later realize that this was due to me not trying to stick my nose into vampire business, although I would have if I had known that the Cullens were supernatural beings.) Emmett was very sociable, we didn't have much in common but I was glad to have such a friendly classmate.

After the shock of the wedding died down, I booked a plane ticket home as soon as possible. My father, Charlie, would pick me up from the airport. I would get to see Bella. Gosh. I haven't seen her in person since I left. Bella, one year younger than me, has always lived with our mother. That was the agreement. She went of to sunny Arizona and I started in the rain. I always liked the rain though, and I always liked Forks. Right before I started grade 12, Bella moved here. And I loved it. I had never been happier. But that only lasted so long. Bella got caught up with her vampire-like boyfriend and I started feeling a horrible longing to leave. I made the decision, much to my father's dismay, to take a gap year. Travel. I had been working at the diner after school since grade 9 and I had saved almost all of the money I made. My favorite thing about Bellas new beau was his family. They were quite lovely people, although strange, and they helped me quite a bit with my travels. Alice, the only one who I had become moderately close to, aswell as Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, had filled my mind with many inspirations for my travels. They also gave me some extra money to help make it as fulfilling as possible, despite me protesting about 100 times. By the end of grade twelve I was itching to leave. My itinerary was stacked, I planned to stay in Europe for two months and the rest in Asia. I cherished the cathedrals in Germany , the busy streets in Mumbai, the quiet ashrams in India, sights of Nepal, Vietnam, Italy, France, and now Thailand. I have come away from this trip with a bigger sense of the world, and myself. But now I've grown rather homesick from shuffling village to village, my sense of adventure has been filled and I'm ready for peace and simplicity. I think I'm ready to go home. Little did I know that returning to the middle of nowhere, Washington, would lead me on the greatest adventure of my life.

END

Thanks for making it to the end! <3 -CC

[ikatako38]

Another Update

Do people even read these anymore?

Hi!

TL;DR: read last paragraph (bolded)

First of all… I miss you all so much!!! As I always say, thank you so much to everyone reading this for sticking around. It really means the world to me.

This summer has been extremely rough for me. I don’t need to rehash the details, I’m your curious I believe I gave some in a previous update. The important part is that I’m finally doing better now. For the first time in over a year really, I finally feel like I’m same strange enough to begin focusing on myself a little bit again, rather than just surviving. And part of that is making time to write and engage with fandom!

At the same time, it is also sadly true that, especially with the Grand Festival behind us, the Splatoon fandom is slowly going dormant. Many of the Splatoon creators I know are moving on to different fandoms. Especially for a Splatoon 2 fic, the interest level is understandably small and ever-shrinking. Much of today’s Splatoon fandom never even played the second game or Octo Expansion. And a lot of that is due to my own timing; I’ve been behind since the beginning, and long hiatuses squandered much of the wave of interest coming from Splatoon 3.

That being said, I can try to be proud about the things I did accomplish in that time. A Discord server that’s a bit quieter but still thriving after nearly two years, my longest single project ever at over 500 pages, tons of beautiful fanart that I still look at often because they make me so happy, so many friendships… some short-lived but others genuine and hopefully long-lasting—and above all, so many amazing memories that I hope I can cherish for years and years.

And that’s really important for me to remember. Truth is, and I don’t even think I fully recognized this until now, but I’ve definitely been struggling with a feeling of failure surrounding TPWCH. And that’s in no way because of, but rather really in spite of all you readers, who have been nothing but supportive, often not just as a fan but as a friend. So that you for that! ^_^ But what can I say, I’m hard on myself. That feeling makes me avoid writing, which only increases the feeling of failure, and so on and so forth.

But putting it all together, I have no idea why it took so long, but I’m finally realizing that the kind of engagement I’m clinging to is just not possible anymore… and not because of any fault of my own. People just… move on. Fandoms ebb and flow (hah). Even I haven’t been nearly as involved in Splatoon as I used to be.

So… I’m going to try to fully let go of that blame and regret. I used guilt to motivate myself, and it worked for a while, but eventually it just burned me out. I used to think it was cliché and dumb, but I really do need to learn to just write for myself and my friends (yes, that includes you!)

So, what’s the plan then?

My plan, for now, is to do something I haven’t done since the very beginning of the fic: create a buffer. My obsession with pushing content the moment it’s ready has not only caused me stressed but also a poorer reading experience for you all.

I’m going to take down the Part 1 Recap. Then, I’m going to keep working on the Part 2 Recap, Chapter #22.5, and Chapter #23. The nice thing about this is that I can work on them in any order I want, or simultaneously! When I finish, likely near the end of the year, I’ll post the Part 1 Recap, Part 2 Recap, Chapter #22.5, and each part of Chapter #23 at regular intervals. That should give me some time to work on Chapter #24 as those are releasing, and we’ll see where things go from there! By then, I’ll be headed to Japan, and who knows what that will be like!

That may feel like a long time away, but don’t fear! I’ll also be posting Sneak Peeks here irregularly, so you can still have a little content to hold you over and keep up the excitement!

Thank you as always to everyone who has had an impact on my life through this fic! You all mean so incredibly much to me 🥹

[likesdoodling]

It has been a while since I started digital art,

Quite a while.

So here is a 'progress over the last two years' since I gained access to a drawing tablet.

:D

This is my first ever digitally illustrated piece- compared to my latest one-

So, a little bit different.

I do think my art took quite a jump around June 2022, when I took a break from my Steve comic strip, (for obvious reasons- it was about Technoblade's polar bear so...) and decided to try practicing gesture drawing to see if it helped my general anatomy knowledge. This is before,

And this next one is after.

The most obvious change here is that I switched to using thinner lines. There is a gap of about two months between these.

This was when I realised that you could improve art by practicing it (mind-blowing I know), and then started to do just that. Some other notable jumps forward would be when I discovered the airbrush-

Well, discovered a new method of shading with it anyway.

Then after that I had a few pictures that I actually still like, despite them being pretty old at this point, the one below is actually from September of 2022-

I mean, the hands are a bit iffy, but the rest looks alright. This was when I was going through a bit of a melanie martinez phase-

This next one was from January of 2023, I'd only just gotten into bungou stray dogs via some random memes on pinterest about this weird brown haired guy who had lots of bandages and who had this running gag with wanting to die- I actually looked him up at one point, but that didn't really explain much. The main one that I remember was 'life is short, so make it shorter, shorter than chuuya~'

Which at the time was just kind of confusing,

Then I watched the show and it made perfect sense.

I'd discovered ascendance of a bookworm in like, 2021, but I hadn't really been doing fanart of it since I was mainly doing dsmp related stuff and I kind of assumed nobody would know what on earth I was referencing. Turns out tumblr has a lot more bookworm fans than I orignally anticipated. Instagram still has no clue. I think maybe one person out of my followers on instagram knows what I'm on about-

Then we've got these two which I am still proud of btw-

The first one is from a dystopian/time travel fanfic called viridian.

The second one was after I learned about rim lighting. It was inspired by a song actually, 'crash' by noevaii. (and yes I found that song from a sad-ist animatic, it was cool) The character isn't anyone in particular. They're both from February 2023.

Then there's probably my most liked picture on instagram, (not tumblr, since tumblr knows about bsd and bookworm, but y'know. This was even sadder than I originally intended since the last half of my comic strip was finished AFTER everything happened)

Then the final conclusion of my Steve comic strip in May of 2023.

I don't think my art really changed much in between those, but eh.

Then I switched to doing a bunch of ascendance of a bookworm stuff to see what would happen and turns out there are way more fellow fans out there than I anticipated-

Then I guess my next breakthrough in tumblr popularity, (even if it might not have been a breakthrough in art skills necessarily) was when things went DOWN in the bsd fandom with chapter 109 and I did probably one of my most liked tumblr posts I have ever done-

If you want to see the rest of that, feel free to scroll down on my tumblr page, the original's like eight pages long-

This was before anyone knew what was going to happen btw.

I still think it's hilarious that I put in chuuya having contacts. My reasoning being, they're on a film set,

It was a pretty interesting exercise in shading in monochrome.

Then I started a 30 day art challenge in October that I didn't get past day six of, but it was still pretty fun. This is the best one of those-

After that I spent most of my time studying for the jlpt n5, so I didn't really do that much art related stuff,

This is one of the two non-commission related pictures that I finished over the two months after I kind of gave up on the art challenge. This one's from November,

Then I finally finished an art commission I'd been working on for the three months prior, as well as studying. Here is an example of the type of pictures I was doing for that,

Then I was occupied with christmas and birthday presents for my siblings, both my little sisters are into ascendance of a bookworm- (completely my fault I am proud to say) so I was able to do stuff related to that, here's a couple of snippets, but you guys don't get the colour version hehe

And one of them has also read the entire fma manga just like I have so-

Anyway, it's been quite a progression since I resolved to master digital art in 2021.

I reckon I've come a fair way since then. I mean. My art skills in general are way better than they used to be. The last two or three years have been pretty interesting.

Also-

Just had to include this one, I'm gonna do a more detailed version but still-

I think it's funny so I'm posting it here. Even if it's not really related to art progression-

[quinndominion]

Quinn Rambles (but any advice welcome)

Bonus pic cuz I always feel weird posting just text to tumblr. That's a real sim out there amidst the hood deco. Cookies for anyone who can tell who it is!

Okey-dokey. So, I rambled this ramble a week ago and deleted it, since in the process I came full circle. I still expect to end up here, where I am, but...I'm going to write it out anyway. Again.

What's the hold up? Well, I am still pruning pics for one single scene! (Day at the Lands') There are enough there to be its own full chapter, which i think I may have done on purpose (?) since I clearly went back to it. I mean, I know what I wrote so I'm glad I found the pictures, but they weren't even in the same freakin' folder! (That comes from actively triple booting a few years ago between Win7, Win10, and Linux - they're all pointed at the same game files but the screenshots are saved wherever and I'd forgotten about that at first.) And with a backstory, unlike gameplay, I can't whittle it down to 10-15% of the zillion pics I took and still tell the same story. They're all pretty damn deliberate, with only 1 or 2 alternative perspective shots, so I've only shaved off about 50% and who's going to read all that? Especially sandwiched in with the rest. But then who apart from Peni was going to read it anyway and I don't think she minds the length (?) But I have noticed a few more old friends still around so who knows, who knows.

I still fully intend to post the Starrywood thing as one thing (lol), for myself at least, because it is one day. But I was also going to break it up to be more palatable and manageable to anyone who's not me and maybe pop those sliced up posts on my backup Wordpress or something or maybe even...LJ (yikes!) Not tumblr, that's just too much work. I see they've raised the pic limit and all but tumblr is for montages and minisodes only. However, R.E.S.P.E.C.T. is not as big as all that. Though it is more immediately significant to the story as told thus far and there's the crux of my indecision...

So...there are 3-5 major scenes, depending on whether I tally by length or significance. I expected it to be a three act deal. Like, the first covers three days, the next about three weeks, and the last about three months. Conceptually, I like that. Textually, I like that. But the party scene pictures might give me the same amount of trouble as Day at the Lands'. And I just don't want to subdivide any more than that. It would obviously make things easier, but less...I don't know, I've lost my word, but anyway, just don't wanna do it.

Since it can be it's own thing and it's all written and my personal 'let's see if we can actually still do this' deadline has already come and gone, I've been hemming and hawing about just posting it by itself. A peek into the past rather than a full-on gaze backward. It's a familiar cast, it's fun as hell (I think), and it's long as a thoroughgoing slice of Land life but not plot revealing, so...maybe? It's Day Two in that Act One setup (Day One, basically, is the plot. So, no on that one though it's also ready to go.) But it is the anchor scene and if I throw it out there now what's the point of anyone reading it again, in full, in situ, in context?

(Oh, here's where I should probably say that in reality, two or three readers max, but I still think in terms of ideal reader and ideal presentation. Otherwise what's the point? It's a sim story, yes, and I give myself great latitude with that, but if there's someone out there who actually likes it I want to give them the real story, not a compromise. Also, while I am not my ideal reader, no, I am my primary reader, so I myself actually want the story itself and not an approximation. And then, as a general rule, I like to present a layered story that can be approached and appreciated at whatever level any given reader engages. At the level of having zero background knowledge or interest in following along and still having a laugh if you stumble across it. At the level of catching some or most or all of the little details and callbacks and suspected foreshadowing and feeling fully immersed in this little bit of nonsense that we're all playing with. At the level of actually reading this post and knowing wtf I'm on about, lol.)

If I excerpt it out, I probably would remove most of the fun stuff and just do a tumblr montage and...that is not the task I set for myself. Finish and post a chapter of Something. That is the task.

As I'm going along, however, I keep remembering why I set it aside. I said it didn't matter because there is no such thing as 'here' anymore after such a long absence...but it really does not go here. In the timeline such as it is. So I thought, well, if I (finally) unlock the Contrajocques chapters that's enough context. Will eliminate any need to revisit the Garden Party chapter because it covers the same ground, enough to lay out the parallels to the party scene from Act Two that I mentioned. Along with some other things. And if I pace them out a bit it'd give me enough time to link the pics and post Act One, prune Act Two, and maybe write a damn ending and finish shooting Act Three. (Or maybe not.) (And actually much of the hold up there is that I'm 95-99% sure I did sketch out an ending and I can't find it!)

But then I reread the Contrajocques chapters and the reason they weren't posted is because too much is revealed that the Desiderata minisodes were meant to set up. Most of those are ready to go. In drafts here on tumblr so I thought, eh, go ahead. Buy even more time! But the reason they're not posted is because the whole For Always Roaming detour is actually connected in a weird way. Can be overlooked and sidelined to get on with it, but to do so kind of invalidates that whole side story. What's the incentive to get back to it then and where on earth would I randomly stick it? (Also, there's not a Hart to be found in R.E.S.P.E.C.T. They're not in Widespot yet and, frankly, Val got his own freakin' spinoff show, so as he/we said, it was time to get the hell off the stage. For a bit.) And what's the hold up with all of this...yup, of course, it's the Starrywood saga. That nobody asked for and is tangential to the BaCC at best, but it lays some foundations that will be built on in that still open round of the BaCC and beyond. And it's just too big for me to take on right now. Ugh.

So I keep ending up back where I started. Finish and post the thing you said you were going to post and silently stick it where it really goes when you and the story finally catch up to it. And ignore the fact that some of the callbacks are to things that have not yet been shown.

...I guess.

[lololollywrites]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you for the tag, @discordantwords!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? I have 10 as of now (7 for Sherlock and 3 for Harry Potter, though the HP fics were either begun or completed in 2012 (first posted on ff.net)... in other words, before I knew about JK's raging transphobia. I finally finished a HP WIP in 2020 that I had abandoned years ago, after my resulting disillusionment, because I decided that my work didn't deserve to be in vain. I'm so glad I did!

2. What's your total A03 word count? 168,333

3. What fandoms do you write for? On AO3, just BBC Sherlock and HP, though I have Smallville, Supernatural, and even a Gilmore Girls fic on my ff.net account (the earliest of them written in 2006) that I will NOT be linking here. 😂

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? (Since I've only been posting Sherlock fics on AO3 since September 2021, there's not a ton of variation between these):

The Waning of Withdrawal

Of Sweat, Sociopathy, Scars, and Secrets

Never Been Better

Pressure Points

Genius is a Star Whose Light (is Soon to Sink in Endless Night); I think I may change the title soon since it's so unwieldy)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! Mainly because I love when authors reply to mine - it acknowledges my gratitude and can open a line of communication. Plus, I just get so excited by every single comment notification that I need to squee and send hearts to the sender.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? None of my Sherlock fics have angsty endings, though that was my original goal for Never Been Better. It originally ended with Chapter 1, but I added two more chapters upon popular demand to fix things. :) It's a classic Sherlock-leaves-John's-wedding-early fic, so I'd intended to explore what may have happened within canon as sort of a missing scene/character exploration. Ultimately, however, I decided to throw a bone to poor Sherlock and disregard canon events.

However, my Harry Potter fic The Burn of the Phoenix, which I migrated to AO3 in 2020 after it's huge reception on ff.net back in 2012 (it's a 13k-word oneshot with 273 reviews and 951 favorites, though I'd definitely not write it the same way today), is definitely angsty. The end is hopeful, but ultimately... I killed Harry Potter. So. 😂 The ending, as it doesn't miraculously entail Harry coming back to life, can certainly be considered angsty as well. The entire fic is from Dudley's perspective as he learns of Harry's death (an alternate version of canon) and attends his funeral.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? As described above, all of my fics have happy endings! Though I'd say the one that's most unabashedly happy with minimal lingering pain and turmoil is Cold Inside. Genius comes close, but Sherlock is horrifically injured even despite happy news that comes in the last chapter so there's still an uphill battle ahead.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, though I did get a very direct comment on The Waning of Withdrawal - the first time I ever wrote smut - that said the following (the "At all" was particularly harsh):

"I loved the fic and the way you formed everything with the comforting,and the understanding,the guilt and stuff and angst in the main part of the fic but I'm not a huge fan of how much detail went into their love part and stuff.. Not saying it's bad! I'm sure some people absolutely love it but I'm personally not a huge fan of the sex scene. At all."

(Luckily, two other commenters jumped in to my defense!) It seems innocuous enough, but I'd included an A/N that said it was my first time writing a love scene, despite it being brief, so "please go easy on me". The rating and tags were appropriate, too, so it seemed a bit out of the blue. That one little comment knocked my confidence for a while and made it impossible for me to re-read the fic without cringing.

9. Do you write smut? Just two of my Sherlock fics so far are rated E for smut. The Waning of Withdrawal, as described above, and Cold Inside, which has a lengthy sex scene in Chapter 4. It was so much harder than I thought to write - there's nothing quite like meticulously editing writing comprised of graphic depictions of anal sex, haha.

10. Do you write crossovers? No, nor do I usually enjoy them. I really admire the creativity, but tend to prefer fics that are plausible and in-canon; it's just a preference (with exceptions, of course!) That being said, crossovers that could happen between comparable universes - such as Sherlock and Hannibal - really appeal to me in theory.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but I'd be so thrilled!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, nor do I have a beta. I'm sure it could improve my work, but I feel horrifically self conscious during any editing process that involves another person. It's something I need to work on!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Sherlock & John and Arthur & Merlin are pretty neck-in-neck. I don't have many Merlin bookmarks, as it was my prior obsession before Sherlock, but I've been delving more into the Merlin fandom lately. Writing for it just seems harder for me - accounting for historical accuracy (though the show isn't historically accurate at all, it's just an entirely different universe) and the bounds of Merlin's magic would be tricky. Maybe one day.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? HAHAHAHAHA so... I did use to write more than one fic at once, waaaay back in the day, but have long since learned my lesson. I refuse to have true WIPs anymore - I only develop one idea at a time - and don't even publish a story until it's complete or almost complete (and fully outlined). Why? Well, there's one WIP I will NEVER finish. It's a Supernatural fic on ff.net with 6 chapters (out of a planned minimum of 10), first published in March of 2007 and last updated in February of 2008. Ooops.

It most recently received a review in 2015, which reads as follows: "WOW! ...update any time soon?...PLEASE...k"

Yeah. So. Never again for me.

16. What are your writing strengths? Based on the comments I receive, I think my strengths are characterization and dialogue. Oddly enough, these are two of my insecurities, but I think that my hyperfixation on both (knowing that I need to consciously work on them) has led to vast improvement.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I often have a difficult time coming up with the initial premise, and am not nearly as creative as many of the writers out there I admire. Ideas usually come without me trying - such as late at night or in the shower - so I jot them down whenever that happens. That's all that seems to work for me. FTH was great in that it took a bit of the burden off and allowed me to elicit prompts from bidders instead.

I also struggle to weave incredibly complex stories. I don't think I'll ever be one of those writers who can write 100k-plus fics full of twists and turns. My plots tend to be more narrow, focused, and immediate.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? As cool as this is - and I may be able to do this with Spanish, as it was my university minor - I wouldn't want dialogue to read as clunky or unnatural to a native speaker or to impede the flow of the prose (I'd want to add translations when possible in parentheses so as not to discourage readers who are not bilingual, unless the dialogue is short and can be translated in an end note).

In Genius, I have excerpts here and there in Serbian, but I ultimately use English to express longer Serbian dialogue (between <brackets> rather than "quotation marks" to indicate the difference in language being spoken and with the acknowledgement that translations are never 1-1. For me, this also helped preserve Sherlock's personality and ensure it could shine through.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Smallville! Way back in 2006. It was terrible; I killed Clark in an alternate version of S5's Hidden. I'm not sure what used to be the appeal of character death to me. You'd never catch me writing it now.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? It's hard to choose, but I have two answers for different reasons. The fic I'm most proud of writing is Genius. I worked SO, SO hard on the story outline, plot, and the symbolism and clues thrown in throughout. It's my longest and most complex story so far at 51K words, too.

The story I believe to be my best is Never Been Better; specifically, its first chapter. I don't think I've since written a more in-character version of Sherlock or a starker portrayal of his emotions.

I also have a huge soft spot for my Harry Potter fic The Truth at Last, which is the first fic I ever posted to AO3. It marks a huge improvement in my writing from when I first started it in 2012, as I was able to return to it in 2019/20 with a more mature perspective.

I'll tag anyone who hasn't yet been tagged and would like to join! (Sorry for the lack of creativity there - I'm always afraid I'll forget someone).

[katriniac]

I just rewatched The 10th Kingdom miniseries.

It aired in 2000.

Did it hold up after two decades?

Well ... my opinion is HEAVILY colored with nostalgia, so you may not believe me when I say:

Yes, mostly.

Perhaps I'll make a thorough review another day.

Right now this post is about Wolf.

First, a few memorable lines of his dialog:

I could follow your scent through time itself.

When you called me your husband, I went all hard and soft at the same time.

Ravenous. When I look at the moon, I get hungry for everything.

You better tie me down. Or else I might eat you up.

Wolves mate for life.

When I watched The 10th Kingdom at age 20, it was for the excitement of seeing a FAIRY TALE CROSSOVER! For a massive fairytale/fable/folk story nerd like me, this was HUGE. Remember, this was 2000. The public had had the internet for only 5 years. The big boom of urban fantasy books hadn't quite hit yet, and reimagined fairy tales weren't being picked up by publishers like they would be 12 years later.

So seeing a miniseries that threw all the old standards into a big pit and added modern (albeit crass and sexist) humor was right up my alley.

Twenty years later (now in my 40s), I am inexplicably drawn to Wolf in a way I NEVER was as a 20-year-old.

True, my tastes have matured and changed since 2000. I admit my attraction towards humanoids-who-are-not-100%-human has grown rapidly in the last 5 years. Fangs, tentacles, and horns are far more sexy to me now than they've ever been.

So ... yeah. Wolf. Um.

😍🤤🥵😳🥴🥰😈

I guess I'm gonna go over to AO3 now to search for 10th Kingdom smut. Because we never got the sequel they hinted at.

The last episode ended with the main character's voice-over with something like: "I'd like to say our fairy tale ended happily ever after, but almost as soon as we arrived in New York, another crisis beset the Nine Kingdoms that brought us back. But that's a story for another time. " And then the narrator says "Here ends the last chapter of Book One of the 10th Kingdom."

That sounds like there's more to come, right??