#yelling. absolutely shouting.

[ragnarot]

you kill what you love, Jack, but it stays dead aside from that immortal alchemist lady. how is it possible to still love her when she will never remain gone for good? if you cannot kill her for good, does that really mean you love her? maybe your love is just fake.

CAREFULLY , WITH GRACE , his cup is placed upon the saucer . soundlessly . he isn't shaking . his breathing , steady . now , he isn't made of knives . his own murderous intent , gently , lovingly strangled , and left to quietly breathe , for only a moment . not upset . not crying . it was all he could do to handle such ... accusations .

he had believed he loved her . and why shouldn't he believe otherwise ? when she was beautiful , kind , curious and strange . unfettered in her own thoughts . willing to try almost anything ------ anything , for her works . it was why she'd caught his eye , to even begin with . a common understanding of passion .

and it was why he'd wanted her . craved her neck twisting beneath his fingers , in that evening fog . her pulse , dreading against his flesh . the crimson scent of blood on his tongue . kissing her . kissing , kissing , his mouth bruising hers ... stealing more from her . crushing her very life . she was the most beautiful, then . pristine lashes fluttering , open , then shut . again . fighting . heels clicking atop cobblestones , struggling . gasping . painted red mouth , wide . his pale skin , smeared in her blood , her lipstick . kissing too much . and wanting it again .

" you look so beautiful right now ! " breathless , but not so much as she , he laughs against her swollen mouth . " so beautiful , madam ... i could ... ah ... i could ------ i could ki ------ ah ... i could ... aaaah ... " a hand loosens . reaches for something else , lower . and it's cold , colder than the night air , and it pierces the shared warmth between them . a dull pain twitches in his phantom's eye . aflame and alight , qistina's body shimmers . she was glowing their entire outing , but now , she is gleaming . a beacon throughout london , if only to him . happy . the woman is ... happy . calm , even . wanting to know his words . wanting to know so much . my qistina . ever so curious . even as he hurts her . her throat , his hand . her smile .

it isn't enough . and he knows that it never will be . " i love you , qistina ...ahhh ... i think ... i think i am in love with you . "

so beautiful . cut . so beautiful . stab . so beautiful . slice . the last thing qistina hears is his aching voice , rasping in the shell of her ear . he paints her as red as her mouth . his joy , painful . it slashes , and it stings . his happiness tastes like metal . one hand squeezes . the other works . weaving its frigid steel in and out of her flesh . she falls , her dress a crumpled , wilted flower . stradling her in death . not in pleasure on a bed , but in a dirtied , filthy alleyway . driving a knife into her chest . her stomach . her neck . anything he could puncture , could slash , could tear into . the delicateness of her flesh met his knife , over & over . her splattered blood , a final , hot , violent kiss . it's kissing . we're kissing .

" i love you so much . " he smiles .

her blood is his second coat , and he refuses to take it off . qistina lay lifeless , mutilated , bruised . alone . jack stands near the alley's open mouth , staring into the night's rolling fog . excited . he's still excited . fingers twitching , shaking . he knew he had to calm down somehow . on the walk home , perhaps . when he gets back to the brothel , he'll pluck his favorite book off of the shelf , read by candlelight until dreams invite him .

not a single step is taken until ... something catches his eye again . a golden , glinting light . from behind him . its physical , destroying the gloom & the shadows within the alley . it's her .

" ... really , jack ? " a woman's voice calls , lovingly , after him . breathless . wanting . hoping . " is it true ? do you really love me ? because i ... i love you , too ! "

the man gathers his hands together , wonderfully warm . " well , little mask , it isn't really that simple , i'm afraid , " a memory he recalled of with fondness . how surprised he was when she rose back from her bloodied grave . looking upon her in disbelief , her wounds ... closing . her bruises , freshly replaced by plump , supple skin . no one he'd killed before had ever ... returned . truly , she was as marvelous as he'd thought . in more ways than he'd realized . the woman flung her arms around him gleefully , pressed his head to her ample bosom , and laughed heartily . then , she kissed him again , again . took him home . washed him up . you're still soaked in my blood , dear . look at you .

he leans back in his chair , pondering . " why would i measure my love in who remains dead & who doesn't ? my killing is my killing ------ my art . my gift . i do not kill to lessen this world of people , you know . and i would love anyone else the same as i loved them prior , should they somehow return , just as qistina had .

is it not some miracle of god that she can resurrect ? that i could dismember her body , and she would still recite sonnets with me within an afternoon's time ? how could i not be enamored with such a person ? and why , oh why , would you deem such affections ... as false ? or lesser , because of that alone ? i kill for the beauty i can create . i kill for joy , for love , little mask .

there is no other reason . "

anonymous asks . ( for @deathleads )

[arisveah]

hermitcraft is slowly removing my willingness to curse and possessing me to say things like HECK and DARN and GOSH GOLLY GEE like a comically angry butler from the 1800s or an old southern lady, neither of which are a good fit on a goth 15 year old

[lilaccatholic]

Physically I'm here but mentally I'm clawing the eyes out of everyone who talks crap about their children on the internet and posts them in their most vulnerable moments for clout

[lurkingshan]

I gotta be honest, I am struggling with Absolute Zero right now, which frustrates me because I love the premise and the vibe and I really wanted to love it. @bengiyo noted that I am getting to the point where I’m actually kinda mad about this drama, and it’s true! For me it’s all down to the same core issue: the show needs to get a better handle on its main character.

Similar to last week, throughout most of this episode I had no sense of what adult Suansoon is thinking as he continues to functionally date teen Ongsa. Is he thinking about future Ongsa, his actual partner who he has abandoned in a dire health situation, at all when he touches teen Ongsa, hugs and gropes him, brings him to his apartment and cuddles on the bed with him? Does he actually realize he is an adult and Ongsa is a kid and this is all super inappropriate? I do not know, because there is zero indication on my screen to tell me what’s running through his mind as he continues dating Ongsa while also making vague gestures towards connecting with his own teen self.

We’ve now spent three entire episodes with Soon drifting around in the past with no clear sense of what he’s doing or why. It’s a lot of story time spent just to get back to where we started in episode 1. And it would feel worth it if I felt like I knew what Soon is thinking or planning or had any sense of his motives with teen Ongsa, but I don’t. Throughout this whole episode it felt like I was being kept at arms length from the main character and his thoughts while being forced to watch him do things I don’t understand.

And then, right at the end, we finally hear from Soon about what he wants to do, when he tells Ongsa he is from the future and he came back to “correct the past” so that teen Ongsa and teen Soon will never meet. And that was such a big record scratch for me, because it does not comport with his actual behavior. If his intention is to keep them apart in the hopes that not being together will prevent Ongsa from being in an accident, why did he approach and date Ongsa? He has already made Ongsa fall in love with him, and now he wants to say never mind actually, don’t meet me and I’m just gonna bounce back to the future and hope we’re both alive and not together in the new alternate reality I am creating. Does he know Ongsa at all? Of course he is not going to listen to him. This plan makes no sense. And he only finally told Ongsa anything at all because he was forced to; how was any of this going to work?

And even before I get to dissecting his nonsensical behavior toward teen Ongsa, I don’t have any sense of how or why Soon arrived at this plan in the first place, because the show has not let us into his mind at all. Future Ongsa is not dead, and Soon does not have any idea of how his recovery is going because he’s not there. What makes him think changing their future is necessary? Why is he so convinced it’s their relationship that is the important variable to prevent the accident rather than any number of other things? His motives here just were not set up properly.

This is getting very ranty so let me just cut to the point: I am open to a narrative about a Suansoon so overwhelmed and dazed by trauma that he goes back in time and starts mucking around doing foolish things with no real sensible plan, if this is in fact what the narrative is trying to accomplish here. This is the bread and butter of time travel narratives and can be very compelling when done well. But that requires giving the audience some insight into why he is making these choices, what is driving his decisions, and how he intends to make things happen. And we are just completely missing that insight in this show.

[ofmarlinspike]

you know that one scene in the secret of the unicorn movie, right at the start, when we do a sweeping pan of the bow of the unicorn and we hear the subtle creakings and rustlings of a ship at sea? yeah, leaping off the walls adn chewing the drywall, blood everywhere

RRRRRRRRRRRRGGHGHGHGHHHHH absolutely FROTHING AT THE MOUTH ABOUT IT!! the whispering of the wind as it sweeps around the figurehead and of that little moment of magic, of the story waiting to be told, gently and subtly woven into the soundscape rrrGGHHG [incoherent growling]

so much of the sound effect and foley work is also done so beautifully????

like.... thinking of the scene where snowy's chasing the truck and how you hear the slightest bit of springs in the couch when he bounces of it, and the different scrip of his little paws + claws on the cobble, the wood, when he's scrambling on the ladder THIS MOVIE IS SOOOOOOOOOOO

[deus-ex-mona]

kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~

[goldentigerfestival]

Using this as an audio reference for the posts I'm making, but to summarize:

Yuri starts out mad.

Yuri tries to calm himself down with a deep breath to ask for details instead of going through it angry.

Flynn doesn't say "like a good knight" in the sense of putting himself down. He simply says "as a knight" (the tl here doesn't use that, but with that included it's basically along the lines of "even though I had doubts, as a knight, I was determined to follow my orders").

Once Yuri has answers he calms down significantly.

Yuri uses " 'ttaku", which is a shortened down version of "mattaku" (Yuri often shortens words and speaks very casually), which in this particular situation basically would mean "geez", or "good grief". In this manner, it's expressive of exasperation/frustration/etc.

Yuri never mentions that "Flynn told him what to do" like the dub does (because in fact Flynn did not ever tell Yuri what to do. He only gave Sodia and his other knights orders. He expressed his own desire to take responsibility, but never told Yuri and his friends what to do).

At this point you can tell the anger has gone out of him and that he's calmed down, now that Flynn is approaching this with admission and responsibility.

Sodia is asking that Flynn returns as soon as possible (I believe this was a general translation error).

Flynn's thank you to Yuri is tonally much more heartfelt.

Yuri's response and gratefulness at Flynn coming back to himself is tonally much more heartfelt, relieved and sincere.

[ourimpavidheroine]

[tathrin]

Buggering fuck children I am BEGGING you to get an icon or a blog heading banner or SOMETHING to distinguish yourself from the bots. I almost blocked two new Actual People Followers because I thought y’all were bots until I noticed you had actual reblogs that made sense on your accounts (fortunately they loaded faster than I could click the block-and-report button because I was actively moving to hit it when I saw your posts!) and I already have blocked at least two others before I noticed but you look like bots and if you look like bots then people are going to instinctively block you like bots because we are in the middle of the Great Bot War of 2023 and if you are walking around dressed like the enemy we will block-and-report your asses before we notice you are not bots because YOU ARE DRESSED LIKE BOTS please PLEASE put on some Actual People Garb like an icon or something for fuck’s sake.

[skullzy20]

I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible

Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen

[pakuchibake]

went to a concert AND a little black cat crossed my path on the way back! :) sometimes things are good

[theood]

My head hurts, my jaw aches a little, my eyes hurt, I have to take two antibiotics and probably headache pills unless it's from the not eating bc of the dentist

[lindwurmkai]

I used to not understand what people meant when they said they were tired of fandom and stopped participating due to racism or other widespread problems, because to me, "being in a fandom" just meant reading fanfic and looking at fanart and "participating" meant occasionally leaving a comment on a fic or making an original post that got 12 notes.

I perceived fandom as more of an attitude or approach to engaging with media than a community because every time I tried to become part of a specific fandom community, it just ... didn't really work out? Like, nothing came of it. And since I never finished any of my fanfics, I had nothing to contribute and couldn't participate in events. Then the one time I briefly did become part of a community, it promptly ended in disaster.

I used to think, "Well, sure the fanfic is full of microaggressions sometimes but so is original media?" And I missed that a large portion of the negative experiences people were referring to required actually participating in some way.

But the thing is, by now I have had enough negative experiences myself, which slowly added up from the few interactions I did have over time, as well as things I simply witnessed, things that kept showing up on my dash until I unfollowed repeat offenders, and also the sense that no one will ever fucking listen to you except for other people like yourself if you dare to bring up any problems ... that I'm tired. I feel disillusioned. When I get an urge to make friends through fandom again, I think about it for a second and decide it's not even worth trying.

If I ever manage to finish a fic, I will post it but I don't expect that to lead anywhere. So far I haven't been completely discouraged from posting headcanons and such, but quite frankly I suspect it's only a matter of time. That's how you get strangers off-handedly calling a character a ps*chopath in your own damn notes.

Idk where I'm going with this. I guess I just can't imagine how privileged you have to be in order to think of fandom as a safe space, and I'm white so I'm not even getting the worst of it. Lol. Lmao.

I wish I wasn't too exhausted to promote the End OTW Racism initiative beyond occasionally reblogging a post rn because I certainly sympathise.

[megababysky]

Today I walked into the kitchen at work, closed my eyes, took two deep breaths, and then opened them...

To see my manager standing in front of me, asking me "Can you please do that where guests can't see you? They're worried you're having a hard time..."

[pearl-kite]

The other day I almost verbally sparred with an asshole customer, confidently and without feeling like I was going to cry about it.

Was like, man, I've gotten a lot better about not letting customers intimidate me.

Today I hid from a different customer that I helped yesterday, because she was claiming that I said ~I~ would call her insurance and was frustrated that no one had and she hadn't seen me yet.

Literally hid.

Came to the realization that, no, I'm not good at standing up for myself, I'm just a feisty coward.

[vaugarde]

i gotta rant abt something from college that yall probably dont care much about bc im gonna feel like an asshole if i do it to ppl in my class bc apparently ppl really liked it. but fuck “nights of cabiria” all my homies hate “nights of cabiria”