#yeah thats my emotional support song

[doromoni]

Not Over the Papaya | OP81

⊹ ｡•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Ships : Oscar Piastri x Popstar! Reader , Ex!Lando Norris x Popstar! Reader

Genre : Fluff Smau

A/N : I’m sorry everyone who’s requesting to be added to the taglists :(( I thank you for your support fr! tumblr wouldn’t let me add anymore people. But! I promise I’ll add you lovely people to the maintaglist after this series!

Face claim : Jennie Kim

Warnings : Moderate Cursing , Grammatical Errors

Summary : Y/N and Oscar cope with their own breakups by making the Heartbreak Club.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

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*Message sent

mclaren

liked by Y/N., oscarpiastri, landonorris, and others

mclaren OSCAR PIASTRI!! GRAND PRIX WINNER

!!!🏆

*Message sent

Y/N. 11h

story replies

oscarpiastri Thank you again Y/Niee🧡 Where’s my reward?

Y/N. So so proud of you Osc! I’m so happy for you. Truly deserved 🥺

Y/N. What reward do you want Mr. Eager?

oscarpiastri Attend the next grand prix 😁 pleaseee?

Y/N. How could I say no to that? 😫 Ok Oscar Jack Piastri, I’ll go to the next grand prix for you!

oscarpiastri Lets freaking go!! Now go to sleep!

Y/N. Aye aye sire 🫡.

Y/bf Someone is being brave 🤭

Y/N. Whatever do you mean my dear best friend

Y/bf Nothing Nothing ~

charles_leclerc OH I SEE 👀

Y/N. well you do have eyes Charles, of course you can see 😌

charles_leclerc yes, and I see you supporting my son~ Are you my future daughter in law then?

Y/N. 🤡 ok bye charles

Y/N 7m

*Incoming Call from Oscar

Pick up or Decline

Pick up

“Hi Osc! nows not a great time~ I’m live in 2 minutes”

“I know, I’m here”

“what do you mean your here??”

“ I’m here at the venue. Is it normally this loud? your fans are crazy not gonna lie”

“Oscar your here??? like America?? like my concert?? your here here??”

“Surprise! went as soon as I can”

“ Your flight was for here?? Oscar you just won a race and you literally flown to see me?? Thats an 11 hour flight!”

“Yeah well. Anything to make you happy”

“Holy shit Oscar… no one has ever done that for me. you’re fucking crazy! I’ll meet you later I swear…. wait for me backstage you muppet! I Missed you so much.”

“Missed you loads. Good luck on the show, Dear”

“Thanks so much my kindest sweeties pookie. Now watch we work”

*Call ended

Y/N.

liked by oscarpiastri, y/bf, logansargeant, charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and others

Y/N. The chapter has finally closed beautifully. Thank you Florida and the people who made it so✨

oscarpiastri You were so strong for doing this. I’m very proud of you Y/N 🧡

Y/N. Your support and presence meant the world Osc. Thank you for everything 🤍

oscarpiastri wouldn’t miss it for anything.

Y/bf Y/N, my dearest friend. You’ve truly outdone yourself. My tear ducts are empty, you were literally shining. I’m so proud of you!

Y/N. Thank you my OG 🥺 Thank you for holding on to us since day 1.

Y/bf always babe! always.

user1 If you didn’t cry during Y/N’s concert are you even human? fucking bawled my eyes out there.

user2 ik you could feel the hurt in Y/N’s voice when she sang her old songs for Lando. My entire body felt like I was the one who got cheated on.

user3 Y/N is a genius for making her old pop love songs for Lando into ballads. The raw emotions in her voice were both haunting and beautiful at the same time.

user4 Y/N everyone is so proud of you. Your strength astounds us.

Series Taglist : @champagneproblems17 @itsjustfranzi @cheriwritesig @forza-charles @awritingtree @sltwins @gr1mes-cc @hwalllllllelujah @btsfluffsworld @tillyt04 @landotd @booksandflowrs @czennieszn @thatsouthernblondewiththeass @tellybearryyyy @wobblymug @alittlechaotics-blog @bingussthirdtoe @mirrorball-6 @demandealalune @heartsforleclerc @yoongi-holland @maneskin-slave @alenix @forensicheart @bloodyymaryyy @stereading @hahahjej @youre-on-your-ownkid : closed

Maintaglist : @myescapefromthislife @peterholland04 @charlottef1 @fangirl125reader @mel164 @gnarlycore @chloelovesln4 @vickykazuya @merchelsea @ln4author @qzmef @nxk1309 @styl1shl1v @lottalove4evelyn @gr3yhues : closed for now

[urfavlarry]

How are you? I just read the cigarettes after sex fic and I'm giggling and kicking my feet <3 Can I request a Joost Klein x fem!reader that's opposite of his style? Like opposites attract :3

The devil with his angel

Joost Klein x fem!reader

summary: readers style is a bit more feminine and usually wear lighter colours, unlike joost who had a masculine, street wear type of style. you were the prime example of the saying ‘opposites attract’

a/n: reader has a slightly specified outfit, hope thats alright<3

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╰┈➤ ⋆｡‧˚ʚ 🐦 ɞ˚‧｡⋆

— You and Joost have been dating for a few months in secret, wanting some privacy before revealing anything to the public. It was more for you to build your relationship more and have your peace and quiet for some time, knowing your fans could get a bit hectic. You loved each other dearly, you two filled each other’s empty spaces, you fit together like an ancient puzzle basically soulmates.

In the present, you were currently at Joosts concert, you being on the opposite side of the barrier blocking the fans from rushing to the stage giving you your space. You were smiling, singing along to his songs. You only started learning dutch when you started dating Joost to show your dedication to this relationship and how much he meant to you, and so you could support him during his concerts like you were doing now. You didn’t fit in the crowd however at all, everyone wearing more darker colours, or something not that bright meanwhile you were here in a floral dress, some white stockings, mary janes and some accessories. You stood out like a black sheep, which was ironic since you were the only one NOT wearing black. You stood closer to the stage, taking some photos of Joost on your polaroid camera he got you on your birthday. You smiled, everyone would be able to tell you were love struck if your back wasn’t facing them.

Joost was in the middle of playing his song ´Droom Groot’ , it was clear he loved performing the atmosphere of his concerts were never dull, always some kind of emotions were being felt during his concerts. The end of the song was nearing, the “Yes, yes, ladies and gentlemen this was Joost Klein with his hit single ´Dome Groot’ “ You smiled softly, Joost looking down at you with a smile before crouching and cupping your cheek in his hand, giving you a kiss on the lips. Your eyes went wide and your cheeks got hotter, the crowd screaming and whistling, even some gasps were heard. It really was a strange sight, you really were polar opposites.

The next day the media went crazy. You were on every media, trending somewhere in the tops 10s. You scrolled through all the articles, some fans were beyond excited and celebrated the union of their two favourite artists, while others were dumbfounded. They had no idea how such polar opposittes could have found their way to each other. Joost came out the shower, towel loosely tied on his hips as he dried his hair. He came towards you and looked at your phone. “How bad is it?” He asks, a smile on his face. You return his smile, looking up at him. “It’s a mix of ‘oh my god i’m so happy for them’ and ‘how are they even together’ but that was more than expected.” You say and he nods kissing your forehead. “Yeah, but i’m glad I don’t have to hide my love for you anymore.”

Despite the media going crazy, you two embraced your public relationship, attending events together and Joost couldn’t help to always post something about you somewhere, your styles making you guys even more magnetic. Fans slowly started to see the connection between you two, acceptance growing more by the day. One time you both had to speak up about your relationship a bit more, since death threats started to be thrown into your inboxes left and right.

——————————————————————————

Joost Klein

@joostklein✓

It’s funny how you all see our styles and think we’re two worlds apart. Aside our styles were just two people who have passion for music and love each other.

Liked by bambiethug, {yourusername} and 2,082,096 others

user79107 and 568K others commented

bambiethug: you two are such sweethearts!! sending you all the love and protection from evil<3

user6618990: JOOST NOO MY HUSBAND

fucktheebu replied to user6618990: grow up you’re like 12

——————————————————————————

{your nickname}

@{yourusername} ✓

I get we have different styles but giving us death threats? Wow..

You don’t see more then what we put on the media, you don’t know what our relationship is like behind closed doors. We may have different styles but we love each other and have the same passion for music, we basically balance each other out in our own way. Sending love to everyone that supported us xx

Liked by joostklein, user97741 and 1,980,762 others

hihixlovers and 567K others commented

lolianx: ❤️❤️ love your dynamic fr

apsondabluebirdha: tell them!!

——————————————————————————

After that the whole thing calmed down. You two lived your lives more peacefully and you didn’t have to hide anymore. The both of you made a song together, tours sold out and your albums too. It was nice but it did add some stress to your career. You managed it all together always being there for one another despite your slight differences. You cherished every moment together, whether it was a simple night out, cooking together, singing silly songs together or just cuddling and watching a movie, all of it was just perfect.

You were currently in prague, performing a concert there together. You were the opener of Joosts concerts, since you didn’t really have the finances to two different tours so you decided on being the opener which you were more than happy to do.

You sat in a café, admiring the view of prague and also lost in thought. Joost was talking about the upcomig concerts, talking about the new places he wanted to see. He noticed your dazed state and stopped talking, putting a hand on yours as if to silently as if you’re okay. “Just thinking.” You say and he raises a brow; “About?” He pries and you chuckle softly. “I mean, do you ever think about how unlikely this is? Us, I mean.” You ask he he thinks for a moment, gathering his thought before soeaking up; “All the time. And every single time I realize how lucky I am to have you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I appreciate you.” You smiled, heart full of his enduring words. “Same here Joost, same here.”

About half a year later, your one year anniversary came. You were standing on stage, just finishing a song you wrote together just a few months ago. Cheers were heard throughout the crowd, signs with words like “We love you!” “You saved me.” “We’re proud of you.” were held high in the air, your heart melting. Realisation hit you like a truck as Joost picked you up and spinned you around, smiling wildly. He put you down, resting his forehead against yours, sweat dripping down from all the jumping around you’ve done during this concert. You smiles lovingly, holding his hands, fingers interwined. “We did it Joost.” “Yeah, we did.” In that moment you knew you found the right person. You realised you wanted to spend the rest of your days on this earth with this man, in his embrace, in his presence. Together you created beautiful and unforgettable memories that defied expectations, showing that sometimes, the most gorgeous harmonies come from the most unexpected places.

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╰┈➤ ⋆｡‧˚ʚ 🐦 ɞ˚‧｡⋆

[buckgettingstruck]

here to ask about the camera panning to eddie. give me the freak answer pls

when i saw that shit airing i yelled and spilled wine on my carpet.

like. i feel like this is common sense but i dont know if people realize how intentional each second of a show/movie is. like whether the show is a silly sitcom or a serious drama everything is so intentional and purposeful. of course theres always continuity errors and mistakes that happen when you’re creating a show of that size thats been running for so long but for the most part everything has its intentions. its why you see certain themes come back again and again. im not gonna get into outfit meta or anything like that because its not really my wheelhouse but i did learn a lot about camera techniques and im a writer so. yeah.

shots are one of the most important aspects of a movie or a tv show. they set the mood. close up shots convey intensity and emotion while more wide shots establish a scene etc. they gave us a lot of close up shots of eddie’s face in the kim and eddie scene at the end of 7x09 because it was an intense moment for eddie as a character for example. you have to get the shot right to convey what you want your audience to see yknow.

so. you have the medal ceremony. they couldve done the announcements for these people in literally any order because they fucking wrote the script. they didnt do it alphabetically or anything normal they literally had the trio of triangulated desire standing in the back with buck in the middle AGAIN while chim and hen were being normal and serving cunt up front. and when they were sitting they had buck in the middle again because reasons. then once they got their medals itd pan to their families and significant others clapping. ofc for tommy they pan to buck because thats the person there supporting him. for BUCK they had so many options. they had bobby, his captain that he verbally said was his father figure the next episode, they had maddie, his fucking SISTER AND THE WOMAN WHO RAISED HIM, and they had tommy, the dude he’s dating. instead they pan to eddie.

literally that is the absolute LOUDEST fucking thing the show has done so far in my opinion. they panned to buck for tommy!!! they couldve panned back to buck or done it in a different order if they didnt wanna repeat so they could pan to them for each other!!! but they panned to eddie and the director of photography was even emphasizing that choice on twitter.

the entire bi arc had eddie written all over it. they had so many opportunities to shove their relationship to the side and double down on their friendship but they didnt. instead we had buck tweaking at the gym where we have no idea who eddie was even talking to on that phone, eddie constantly mentioned by buck in a kiss scene with someone else, the line of all time ‘MY attention?’, eddie interrupting the date next episode, buck not even giving a FUCK about the date because he lied to eddie, the shit maddie said that episode about being confused about his feelings, eddie saying nothing is gonna change between them (which. thats a chekov’s gun if ive ever seen one), and all the entire shit with the bachelor party. not even mentioning the implications of the song choice for the karaoke scene that paralleled madney because we didnt get it in the episode. they couldve completely avoided all of that but they didnt and then when buck is dating someone else they dont pan to HIM being happy and supportive for buck, they pan to EDDIE. it feels as if its supposed to remind us what’s actually going on or another attempt to clue us in

also like right after they had the two who were dating acting as acquaintances. and had that guy also kinda put buck’s excitement down at said ceremony. and later in that episode had buck ditch plans with the guy he was dating to make sure eddie was okay. for reasons i guess. so buddie canon or theyre doing a real bad job at getting me to care about bucks actual man

[ineffable-baker-street]

after some recovery time, so as not to be so heartbroken, these are my thoughts on the final episode that i wrote as i was watching it, but that i was too sad to post yesterday:

(apologies in advance for how much i had to say)

- muriel is literally adorable

- LMAO CROWLEY TIPTOEING WEIRDLY BEHIND MURIEL I LOVE HIM

- maggie rn: 🖕🖕

- magGIE NO what is WRONG WITH YOU DONT INVITE THEM IN

- FUCKING MORON MAGGIE

- lmao that one demon who just turned around and was like, yeah alright, i'll leave

- look at crowley's pleased little grin he's so cute

- hello??? so he was a hiGH HIGH angel, like he was important af??? i really hope that's explored more in season 3

- god aziraphale is so soft and sweet, he just wants to stay in his bookshop drinking hot chocolate all day

- yes he is Crowley's Emotional Support Angel, thank you very much

- Crowley, Prince of Heaven. it has a nice ring to it ngl

- omfg crowley's little shoulder punch to muriel, he's like a big brother 😭

- sTOP HE HAS A HALO???

- hajsnshdhdh stop i LOVE crowley, his laugh is literally my favourite thing he's so proud of Az

- "it's a cardboard box, it's not going to bite you" ICONIC

- ooh. beelzebub and gabriel have a bit of thing going on don't they? "you're perfect 🥺" "gently 🥰". are they going to be... A Thing?? cause i ship it

- OH MY GOD ITS THE ROLLERCOASTER SONG. IN THE BACKGROUND. OMG IT ALL MAKES SENSE

- IM SOBBING GABRIEL/BEELZEBUB WAS NOT SOMETHING I KNEW I NEEDED BUT THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL

- also aziraphale putting his hand on crowley's arm please my heart can't take this

- "i've had quite enough of this. you will speak, one at a time" YES AZIRAPHALE I LOVE YOU. AND CROWLEY'S PROUD LITTLE SMIRK 😭

- "you know Alpha Centauri's nice, always wanted to go there" *exchanges soft glance with aziraphale* SCREAMING

- him and aziraphale needing 'us time' 😭😭

- oh my god he's clEANING. WHILE PINING AFTER AZIRAPHALE. MY HEART CANNOT COPE

- nina, to maggie: "you're not helping angel" ANGEL. LIKE THE SAME AS- IM- I CANT

- hA yes you TELL him nina and maggie, he is in love with aziraphale and they both need to come to terms with that

- holy fuck. he's about to make a love confession. glasses are off, emotions are bared. this is going to be painful though i can feel it

- oh no. no no no please no

- no no no crowley is begging this is all going wrong

- jesus fucking christ crowley's about to cry my heart can't handle this

- THE PAUSES SO HE DOESNT START CRYING

- just the two of them. 'us'. please please please.

- FUCK ME THE SUNNIES ARE BACK ON THIS IS BAD

- "i- i NEED you"

- no please there's so much more to say. don't leave aziraphale please dont.

- FUCK DONT MENTION THE NIGHTINGALES

- GOD FUCKING BITCH THEY KISSED, FINALLY THEY KISSED AND IT WAS CROWLEY'S LAST EFFORT TO CONVINCE AZIRAPHALE TO STAY

- "i forgive you." "dont bother." im sobbing i cannot cope with this

- PLEASE AZIRAPHALE STAY PLEASE

- god crowley watching him is so heartbreaking, because he looks nonchalant but he was HOPING AGAINST HOPE THAT AZIRAPHALE WOULD RUN TO HIM

- LMAO THE SECOND COMING THATS SO FUNNY THOUGH

- no. dont step into the lift.

- stop the song is so sad but also really funny

well, my heart is in pieces. so that's nice.

[cringelordofchaos]

Heidi Turner HCs!

I LOVE HER SM and i DONT talk enough about her tbh

dislikes social media

has major depressive disorder, which led her to feel out of place and pushed away by society, and since she didn't feel like she belonged anywhere she started hating herself/ being unsure of who she was, or what she even wanted, which is why she came to be so gullible and easy to change and manipulate, its because she wasn't sure or confident in herself

before she started dating cartman, she would mask her depression. even though she was one of the popular girls who 'got along with everyone',, and cared about her reputation (which is why i think she was judgemental towards Marjorine in Marjorine), she still felt out of place but she would hide it and pretend she was fine and content. but she never had a best friend and she desperately craved some form of close bond which she would later get from Cartman.

listens to liana flores (self projecting ....) + relates to her (especially the song "recently,")

strongly inclined to listen to her emotions and follow her heart (canon), high empathy

her deep insecurity and lack of self-confidence is also what led her to be so defensive about her relationship with cartman, because she didn't want to be proven wrong about her decisions cuz that would only make her a "worse " person and yeah (pretty much canon)

big animal rights activist!! and an animal person too

canonically Irish, i like to think she and her parents lived in Ireland when she was much younger until they moved to Colorado but she barely remembers anything, they still sometimes visit Ireland for holidays to see her grandparents. (and i also like to think her grandma taught her how to cook and how to knit, and knitted her hat)

after she got changed by Cartman, she started drifting apart from all her friends, and even when she and Cartman broke up she still doesn't have the best reputation and she lost a lot of bonds, so she started feeling out of place AGAIN even after she broke it off with him... but she knows it's for the best.

nature lover and tree hugger, obsessed with flowers

i think her family is a bit more traditional one, and that her dad is the typical really tough strict emotionally invulnerable overprotective masculine father figure that would be like "NO BOYFRIENDS UNTIL YOU'RE 97 YEARS OLD WITH 42 GRANCHILDREN"

just a really good and kind person deep down and nothing can really change that

after her break up with cartman she started feeling guilty for the person she became and sorta pushed others away because she felt as if she didn't deserve them ?

girl needs to have an independence arc and learn not to solely rely on others reaffirmations. she needs to be sure of herself and love herself without needing others. but i also think she deserves friends and support

plays the flute

has a pet bunny !!! and is also kinda obsessed with butterflies

friends with stan

for a bit after she broke up w eric she would usually sit alone during lunch. wendy at one point noticed this and despite all the other girls thinking they should probably stay away from her / shes not worth it / let her be, wendy decided to sit next to her and be the friend she needs

at one point when she comes more to terms with who she is she gets a pixie cut !! i also like to think her hair is curly / really wavy and healthy

feels at most peace when shes out in nature

loves windy and colder weather

i also like to think she befriends Nichole at one point !! (since they're both sorta flower themed, in TFBW Nichole's room is flower themed and she also has flower hair clips)and /... thats pretty much my only reason lulz. I like to think of her, nichole and wendy as a trio !! idk i feel like all of them are some of the kindest characters in the show, i'd like to see them as friends

at one point develops a slighttt childish crush on wendy, but she tries not letting it get to her head

she felt as if she didn't fit in, maybe she even felt as if she wasn't wanted .

has no phone (i mean. she canonically threw it away)

sends letters to her grandparents, since they're getting pretty old she's a bit afraid they'll die soon -

likes to paint and draw sometimes but she doesn't think she's good at it

Before, she would sometimes pretend she was something she wasn't cuz she thought that would make her feel less isolated, and maybe she'd be more comfortable if she was anyone but her. But as she's been healing, and been away from Cartman, learning about herself and what she truly loves doing, and learning to love herself, she doesn't feel the need to pretend about much anymore, which actually happened to make her more genuine and people took actual interest in being her friend (even if she wasn't exactly as popular as she was before) (PS i have no idea what actually canonically happened to her after Splatty Tomato so uhh this might contradict canon)

has a ton of plants in her house she takes care of

not really interested in cheerleading if she's entirely honest

Raised Roman Catholic (actually, i just checked the fandom wiki (extremely reliable source, i know) and it's canon apparently)

Sometimes dresses like an old grandma but she doesn't care

"cats or dogs?" "both!!!!"

bookworm

she feels SO SO guilty about all the things she's said and done to Kyle, and at one point apologizes, but lets him know she doesn't expect his forgiveness, she just wants to let him know he really didn't deserve any of that and that she still feels bad and tries explaining why she left him in Doubling Down but let him know it still didn't justify anything. I have no idea how Kyle reacts but I think if he saw how genuine she was he'd (maybe somewhat hesitantly at first??) let her know he understands, and there's no point in holding grudges yada yada. I don't think they would really hang out much afterwards, and especially i dont think theyd date again, but i dont think theyd be on bad terms forever

even after she breaks up with Cartman and begins a vegan diet again, while she stops being obese she's still a bit chubby

flora and fauna NERD !!!!!

Has private flute lessons (that she impermanently dropped when Cartman told her it was a bunch of bullshit she didn't need, but after she broke up with him she took it up again)

Never talked about her issues to her parents before, but at one point breaks it down to them all at once and they let her know they love her and she should talk to them if there's anything troubling her, and they'd never be mad about her having negative emotions, and that they're not mad about her not telling them earlier. They even ask her if she wants therapy, but she lets them know she thinks she's getting better and doesn't need it. but they let her know she can have it if she wants to.

when she was younger her hair used to be straight up blonde but it darkened with age

wasn't romantically attracted to cartman, she cared about him like she did about everyone and relied on him to reaffirm her sense identity but both were faking their interest in the other, though Heidi truly thought she had a crush on him at first, and stayed with him so he wouldn't kill himself even though he was a horrible boyfriend to her.(in anothr hc, she did really love him that way. idk man i think multiple interpretations make sense depending on how you look at it.)

this guy's her half brother

has a few freckles on her cheeks

favourite colours are pink and green

[meatsex]

You ever think about if you really like red vox, or only like it because famous funny streamer man guy is making it, and if the lyrics are even made well? This isn’t directed at you specifically, this is just a thought I’ve had.

yeah, ive thought abt this kind of stuff, i dont think its unusual for ppl to think that when they listen to music made by a youtube funnyman (since theres many such cases)

i cannot say if they are a good band in a technical sense or not cuz im no musician, but i think i have enough proof to tell i like red vox because of what they make and not because vinny twitchman is the lead singer

ive tried listening to music by other youtubers before but almost all the time it falls flat unless its like a one time thing usually, but i (personally) feel like red vox has both incredibly rich music AND lyrics

there is a couple of songs i listen to i think "i feel like x word or y thing could have been connected a bit better here" but it feels solid and, what matters to me, actually impactful, a lot of these songs feel and sound so emotionally charged i kinda worry some times, and listening to them in a bad day might break me, i joked abt this before but i call another light "my second the downward spiral" just because of how heavy it can feel at times (especially the first and last songs)

it also helps that a lot of what music vinny likes and probably inspires him usually aligns with what i like too (talking heads, radiohead, nin, even elo which i didnt know he liked until a recent stream)

also i should mention this here which i funnily enough mentioned to a friend some days ago, but the reason i began to make so much vinny art in the first place its *because* i began listening to red vox, ive been a vs fan for years now, but when i draw him a lot of times i mostly think of him as "singer of red vox" than "twitch streamer vinesauce" (which doesnt mean i dont like making fanart of him as a streamer) + other more personal connections im too lazy to write about, which explains why im always making him look kinda melancholic or just more akin to the emotions his music evokes

sorry this ended up being so long but i cannot be asked about my interests and reply in a normal way

ultimately if you like something you just like it and theres nothing wrong with that even if its funny youtuber music, i think id rather support and get supported for the thing im making than for a brand name but thats on every different person to choose

[mrnicekisser]

[Street Gacha] Chapter 6

Written by 木野誠太郎

Ruka: U-uh... Erm... Thats impossible...

Suzu-senpai knows that I'm too nervous to sing in front of people, right?

So even if it doesn't match the image of "Fallen Angel," I think it would be better if Suzu-senpai sang it.

Suzu: Yeah, everyone knows that Ruka is anxious.

But, Ruka, this isn't just a matter of my emotional state.

However, you have a beautiful singing voice. It is perfect for ballads. My husky voice would spoil the image of the song.

That's why I can't sing the ballad you wrote. It matches your style, not mine.

Please sing. I want to hear your voice echo through the streets.

Ruka: B-but...

A~h... Alright...

Well, that's fine. It would be much quicker if we called out to the owner ourselves. If the song isn't sung, it won't reach the owner.

I was also disappoited at Kuromori-senpai. I thought she was a pretty charismatic, since she's called a "Fallen Angel," but she can't even motivate all her juniors.

Suzu: ...

Runa: That's sweet. Too sweet. In our company, we would make our juniors do it even if they said they didn't want to. Even if you have to be hated, your role as a senior is to provide proper guidance.

Suzu: We're different. The light music club, unlike the lacrosse club, is a special place for those who have become separated from the group.

If my heart becomes demonic as well, then those girls will no longer be able to belong anywhere.

Runa: That's what makes it "sweet". They pamper the members who can't perform on stage because of their light-stimulating condition,

That special place of yours... If the light music club disbands without ever having any activities, will you take responsibility for it? That's what I'm asking.

Suzu: That's true. But there are circumstances where that's not always the case. The kids on the lacrosse team are strong. They've been brought up to be strong. Honestly, I respect them.

But that approach doesn't suit the light music club. Forcing tests or rushing for answers won't produce good results.

No matter how much I am criticized for being unfit to be a club leader, I intend to watch over my team members and wait for them to make their own decision.

Ruka: S-Suzu-senpai...

I'll sing.

I hate seing someone insulting Suzu-senpai, but more than anything, I'm starting to hate myself for trying to run away from her, even though she has such high expectations of me.

I'll do my best, so I'd be happy if Suzu-senpai would support me...

Suzu: Yes. Ruka, my precious junior. I have no intention of making you sing alone and exposing you. I'm prepared to take all the dirt. Let me support you with all my might.

Ruka: Ah. ♪ It's reassuring...

Okay then. I need to work hard…!

I'll make you regret being so harsh on Suzu-senpai, lacrosse club member!

Runa: That's the spirit, little one named Ruka. It's time to show us yourself, girlie!

Ruka: Huh?! Um, why are you suddenly rooting for me?! Just a moment ago you were fighting against us!

Hayate: Ahaha. I was totally taken in by Hiiragi's provocation. ♪ Isn't she really good at making people do work?

Ruka: Uh, provocation..?

Mizuki: Yes. I think Hiiragi was motivated well because she doesn't want to get her hands dirty. ♪

When it came to abandoned cats, I was also almost forced to buy powdered milk.

Wait! Now that I think about it, I feel like all the trouble was forced on me because of the abandoned cat!

Runa: Hyahya, ♪ I think Futaba-senpai's memory is wrong~

Mizuki: Hmm. I'll curse you!

Runa: I don't believe in curses, so please feel free to do so~ ♪

Ruka: (I see. I had the wrong idea. But they are good people at heart, if they take care of a stray cat. They deliberately provoked me to take a step forward.)

(Although it's scary to be on stage alone, I have reliable seniors around me.)

(I was scared wanted to run away before, but now, I feel like I can sing in a relaxed manner. I think it's all thanks to my seniors and the kittens... ♪)

(Yes. Before i'll pick up guitar, I'll try singing a little.)

~ ♪ ~ ♪

(Hehe, i feel so happy... ♪)

[chadsuke]

sasuke with 5, 12, 21, 23 for chara ask game :D

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

this is SO HARD bc usually my sasuke song of the moment is just. whatever song is haunting me. and i adapt that to sasuke in Whatever Way That Must Be. right now the song that is haunting me is what if it doesn't end well by chloe moriondo, but like. probably the beginning by one ok rock it's been on my sasuke/ftcoye playlists literally always. honestly when im writing him i often just... listen to the naruto openings/endings on loop... in which case naruto shippuden opening 19 and naruto shippuden ending 38. yeah. you dont want to know how long i spent on this question the answer is EVERY SONG EVER IS SASUKE IN SOME WAY and if i cant make it sasuke. i prob don't listen to it.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

how can i. sum up with ONE. man. man. first sasuke is non-binary 2 me. when he is not. idk. having a fucking Time Of It he will ponder gender things but in most of canon. well. he is having a Time Of It. he likes his hair being pet. if he does not have Things On His Arms he feels naked doesn't matter what else he's wearing. he definitely thought naruto kissed him on purpose tho thats not. really a headcanon that's canon i just need to always point that out.

he actually quite likes animals and i think he would benefit SO much from an emotional support animal. gives him one. Doesn't like nail polish. he ate so many raw veggies as a child because he was determined to try to Be Healthy but he didn't know how to cook/make a lot so he would just. buy things he could eat raw so he'd just chow down on a fucking cucumber. he has figured out how to do that intimidatingly nowadays. both of his teams find it very funny.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

dealing with his trauma and the fact that he's gotta be touch-starved to an insane extent and everything that's happened in his life that makes him want to rip off his own skin. bc, shockingly, he gets to process jackshit healthily in naruto itself. not that... i think he gets to process healthily in MY writing but thats because like...... theres only so much you can do when ur a child soldier... but i like fucking. dealing with it. also gender things but thats bc i enjoy Gender with every character ever.

uhhhhh i don't. really write things i don't like tbh but i guess i fucking hate writing fights? and sasuke is a hard one to write in fights? general if i don't want 2 write something i. don't.

in OTHER ppl's fics i would say like. virtually everything. i rarely read sasuke-centric fanfics bc i want to reach through the screen and go NO!!!!!!!

23. Favorite picture of this character?

glitter sasuke and sfw sasuke ofc

[quodekash]

THE EPISODE IS OUT AND IVE NOW WATCHED IT (and it took me two hours to get through as per usual) SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

ITS TIME FOR MY COMMENTARY ON THE ENTIRE EPISODEEE (im sorry)

THEY WON HELL YES FINALLY

BUT IT WAS A DREAM

why? they like crushing our souls.

the scene of gun waking up and getting ready (having a shower, brushing his teeth) reflects the very first episode, where he had so much energy and he was preparing his speech for the juniors. And now he’s lost the biggest competition of his life so far, he’s sad, and honestly he’s lost - but not in the meaning that he didn’t win, he’s lost in the way that he doesn’t know where he is or where to go or what to do. and gmm is making me cry about the freaking passage of time which is so cliche like there are so many other things to make me cry about but instead you choose the thing that I’ve been having a mental breakdown / existential crisis over for the past three years? It feels like a personal attack tbh

THE TEACHER WAS SPEAKING IN THAI COS THEY ARE THAI PEOPLE AND THEN RANDOMLY SAID “oh man good job” IN ENGLISH AND IT WAS SO JARRING I LITERALLY FLINCHED

WIN DONT BE COLD TO YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FLIP

PORS TRYNA CHEER EVERYONE UP WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT THEM??

AND SOUND’S TRYNA GET YOU TO APOLOGISE COS YOU SAID BLOODY HURTFUL THINGS AND THEN YOU THROW YOUR ARM OUT OF HIS GRIP AND SAY “you won’t get us”, ESSENTIALLY IMPLYING THAT HE’S NOT ONE OF YOU AND HE’S NOT IMPORTANT??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

AND SOUND DOESNT EVEN GO AFTER HIM

awhhhh poor Por alone in the music room by himself he needs a hug I would like to give him a hug please

Pat, I love you, I truly do, but shut up please. you’re gonna make Por freaking cry and that’ll make me cry and I’m already gonna cry enough from this episode

POR IS STANDING AT THE PIANO, HE SHOULD SING AND PLAY A SAD SONG BY HIMSELF TO LET HIS EMOTIONS OUT ON THE KEYS, TO FEEL HIS FEELS THROUGH MUSIC

BUT NO ALL HE DOES IS CRY

AND IT MAKES ME CRY

GOSHDARNNIT

“the doctor said I can go home next week!” “Don’t rush it mum. I can survive at home on my own. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m okay. But when will you get better?” THIS WOMAN ALWAYS SPEAKS THE TRUTH ONLY THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH AND I LOVE HER

“ever since I woke up, I’ve never seen you song. I usually had to tell you to quit singing.” “……..do you think dad would be disappointed in me?” “What about you? Were you disappointed in him for not being able to release his music? Listen. If we tried our best, there’s nothing to regret. I think your dad would think the same.” BRO HOW IS EVERYTHING SHE SAYS SO FREAKING QUOTABLE

AWW TINN SHOWING UP AT THE HOSPITAL TO VISIT GIM BUT HES JUST TOO LATE I LOVE HIM

OOOOO THEYRE GONNA DO THE PROM NIGHT PERFORMANCE THATS AWESOME

also side note prom night means dates means tinngun soundwin tiwpor I’m very excited

ITS FINALLY TIME FOR PHOTJANEES MENTAL BREAKDOWN OMG FINALLY IVE BEEN WAITING

“do you think we raised him well enough?” YES OFC YOU DID WHAT THE FLIP /gen

“What mistakes do you think we’ve made along the way?” Every parent makes mistakes, man, that’s the way of life, it’s a learning experience for everyone involved. But what’s important is making sure you show your child that you love them and support them and care for them and shESDONE THAT mostly I think. all the things she’s done that could be considered bad or negative were her trying to do what she thought would be best for tinn’s happiness and well-being, even if it didn’t go down that way. You made mistakes, yeah. That’s what makes you freaking human, photjanee.

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY TIWPOR PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND SOUNDWIN PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND TINNGUN PROBABLY

I was excited for this rehearsal, but win, stop it. “Just cancel this freaking band” seriously, stop. You’re being really cold right now and idk where it’s coming from but it has to stop please.

“I’m out” exCUSE ME???

THE BASS PLAYER CANT JUST QUIT

THE BASS IS THE FREAKING HEART OF THE MUSIC, THE SOUL

IF THERES BO BASS PLAYER THERES NO SOUL SO THERES NO MUSIC

okay sound is going after him it’s okay

and win was disappointed in himself so it make sense now. It’s not healthy to push your own insecurities and fears onto others to feel better, but it does explain his behaviour and hopefully he can find a better coping mechanism

EXCUSE ME WHEN THE F L I P WAS THIS ESTABLISHED??????

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE

COULD SOMEONE PERHAPS INFORM ME OF THIS INFORMATION????

your boyfriend is being super self-hatey? Aggressively force him into a hug and let him let all his anger out while simultaneously letting him know both verbally and physically that you’re there for him and while you might not understand what he’s going through you will listen and do what you can to make him feel happy. I love these two.

its a tinngun scene next and you’ll never guess where they are

✨the freaking pool✨

AND WE GOT A SOUNDWIN SCENE, THEN A TINNGUN SCENE, THEN A TIWPOR SCENE, ALL IN QUICK SUCCESSION THIS IS AMAZING

JFJEJFHDHEHDB TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE

SIR--

AAAAAAAAAA

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYYYY

✨oh shoot✨

por fell down the stairs and ✨broke his leg✨

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WISH REDEEMING THING THANK GOODNESS I WAS SO FREAKING CONFUSED

HOW IS HE SO FREAKING POSITIVE ALL THE TIME????

“But Tinn has got a really nice voice, ma’am” gun you’re being real sus she’s about to figure it out

photjanee keeps getting so close to finding out about tinngun and then something interrupts it and it happens every single time

BEACH TRIP PART 2 LETS GOOO

wait a sec they did a bad buddy. They went to the beach and then they went to the beach again. And the second time was in episode 11. why has that happened twice now.

BRO HES WEARING YELLOW

WIN RESERVED A SPOT FOR SOUND AGAIN AND THIS TIME SOUND IS ACTUALLY TAKING THE SPOT I LOVE THEMMMMM

so that fight was freaking intense, they were all having a go at each other, naturally it progressed to just Soundwin yelling but then surprisingly it turned into win and gun.

I rly liked that scene tho, all of them at the height of emotions and they all give really hard but sincere and heartfelt apologies to each other. And then they have a group hug. It’s so sweet, I love all of their group dynamics so freaking much

this man is neurodivergent and I love him with all my soul

tinn’s dad doesn’t have a name. tis character is nameless. but I love him.

NATURALLY TIW HAD TO EMERGE FROM THE SHADOWS FJRJFHFH

TIWPOR ARE SO OBVIOUS

“Did I miss something?? What is happening?” Well, win, you see, you know how you and sound are in love? It’s the same situation with Tiw and por, but you numskulls have been too thick to see it somehow

TIWPOR ARE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS I LOVE THEM

everyone just coping Soundwin left right and centre okay then

first tinngun with the medal kiss

now tiwpor with the sprinkle water

what’s next, yo and nook are gonna be tied up together? Pat and [insert imaginary character] are gonna have a lot of meaningful interactions in the bathroom?

oh also that song?? It made me cry man. I don’t care what anyone says, this show is a cinematic masterpiece.

the way they’re watching a video of them singing an encouraging song to encourage themselves?

the way they’re suddenly in the room watching??

THE WAY SOUND APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE???

THE WAY TINN APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE????

THE WAY THEIR CURRENT SELVES ARE SUDDENLY SINGING TO THEMSELVES?????????

it gave me chills and it gave me tears

I literally can’t describe how much I love this show

the only thing that could’ve made that song better is if Tiw appeared out of nowhere

i CaN wAiT uNtiL yOuRe A uNi StUdEnT dude no one cares about the rule anymore, sound literally said he and win are boyfriends (WHICH BTW W H E N WAS THAT ESTABLISHED?????) just date now

“no matter how long, I’ll always wait for you right here” okay that’s super sweet and all but literally no one cares about the stupid rule just kiss already

yeah okay that explains it. I’d noticed how the only people to say “until they’ve WON hot wave” were that guy and Tinn and Tiw, but everyone else just said until after hot wave so yeah

“Be with me now and you’ll get to use the hashtag #MySchoolPresident” gotta love them subtle title drops lmao

and naturally there’s a cliffhanger on the photjanee plot line. great. like they needed to have something to keep us hooked even tho we're invested literally no matter what, the next episode is the freaking final episode, we're gonna watch it, dont worry gmmtv

MY MAIN TAKEAWAYS

last episode felt way too short but this one felt way too long

I’m still not sure if tiwpor were already secretly dating or if it’s just mutual crushes or if it’s something else BUT they’re going down the tiwpor route for which I am grateful because WE’RE NOT DELUSIONAL HAHA SUCKERS WE WERE RIGHT

WHEN THE FLIP FLAP TICTAC WAS IT ESTABLISHED THAT SOUNDWIN ARE BOYFRIENDS????? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN OFF SCREEN???? I HAVE Q U E S T I O N S

and we have one episode left of this goodnessforsaken show. We have had eleven episodes. We have had about 600 freaking minutes of this show. And Tinn and gun stILL HAVENT KISSED???????? WHAT THE FLIP IS GOING ON

[pogbur]

ERM. so. yeahhh

i feel like i should update on the situation.. OBVIOUSLY I DO NOT STAND WITH WILBUR. FUCK HIM 🖕🖕🖕 AND SUPPORT SHELBY ‼‼

BUT ☝ i will be joking about the situation

i COMPLETELY understand if you do not want to see that. it is NOT a situation that should be joked about IN FRONT OF THE VICTIMS AND PERSECUTORS. important part.

luckily for me whomever, neither wilbur, shelby, or anyone else he's harmed is (as we know of) on tumblr. or ever going to find my posts!

this is how i COPE. i know thats a common excuse, or whatever. that doesn't mean i don't stand with the victims or dont despise william. that guy sucks.

not to be that person but i kind of always knew it. we all did. i have messages from last year talking about how if i ever met him i'd probably hate him. but now that theres like- defining proof of evidence that hes genuinely hurt people and is more than just an overall prick, i cant support him any longer.

but as i was saying, i am going to joke about it. thats part of my process. let me explain

so how i "grieve" if you can even call it that is honestly not that weird. probably not healthy but yknow. obviously those are those stages like that guy said, i have all of those. but! ☝ theres a secret 6th stage i call "removing all emotion from it so i cant get hurt" that often manifests in "comedy". humor as a coping mechanism! wild! never heard of it before! (sarcasm)

i dont want to hurt people, i really dont. so PLEASE if you are made uncomfortable by my behaviors unfollow or block me. this is my (brain's) way of making sure i cant get hurt anymore, and i know its probably not healthy but i can talk about that with my therapist. its not your job to tell what and what is not a healthy coping mechanism. i do not know you.

i am a random 13 year old on the internet holding on to any strings i can to stay as stable as possible. do not cut the strings and tell me you are helping

oh and im reclaiming since i saw vienna. yeah thats my song now. im pretty sure he said ycgma belongs to the fans now anyways. im denouncing the rest of them and lovejoy too ofc. oh and around the pomegranate since thats about technoblade.

FUCK YOU WILLIAM GOLD 🖕🖕🖕🖕

[girlfromplut0]

a short letter

hi friends ! wanted 2 share a couple thoughts nd ideas with u if thats alright . ive been finding it really hard to connect with people lately , everyone seems so far away . idk if its dissociation from ptsd or just growing apart but it feels like there is a lot of distance between me n a lot of ppl in my life . n idk thats a bit strange . i feel like a stranger in a lot of places where i used 2 feel like an important piece . i suppose thats what happens when u grow , some things make less sense but eventually things will make sense again . most things dont make sense anymore honestly . even typing this i dont really feel real . dissociation has been really hard for me . after getting out of an abusive relationship its been hard to feel how i think things used to feel (and even on tumblr im kind of scared of saying those words out loud, im really afraid of that person even though i dont want to let that fear control me). idk ptsd is really scary . its not like anything ive faced before in my life . people tell me it gets easier and i believe them but a part of me is scared that things just keep making less and less sense . but in another way , every problem you face u have the wisdom and growth of every problem u have faced before at ur back . i used to have an eating disorder but cooking has become a super important part of my life , and i think im really good at it and its been rewarding to share that with my mom and people i love . im the highest weight ive ever been in my entire life and ive for the most part overcome my disorder and eating related trauma . so even if im sad and disconnected from people , at least i am giving my body the fuel it needs to continue living . i haven't spoken about really any of this in public and i guess this kind of secret tumblr acc feels safe for me to be a bit more candid and long form for once . i can't really use twitter in that way anymore , mainly for boundaries and mental health reasons . but yeah i guess a lot of things have been strange lately . idc if nobody rly gets my music anymore . even if it doesnt appear to be , if u see it as jus being like flexing or some shit whatever , it is like a deep expression of a lot of emotions im feeling . n i dont feel the need to explain it 2 anyone i prefer 2 let my art speak for itself . my art is the only place i feel like i can be free and honest and genuine nd create something that is a true expression of myself and that matters more 2 me than anything else . a lot of ppl i kno wld be lost w/o seeing a bunch of numbers . but when u making music for someone else u have already lost , u have chosen to surrender your space to what u are guessing someone else wants . no truly meaningful art can come from a place like that . sharing a little song i made , was produced by maiden who is an incredibly talented and kind soul nd i will link their sc under this u should listen 2 their songs ! im not sure if this song will ever be a part of something larger but since u read my long rambling thing i wanted 2 share one of my favorite songs ive made , in case its never on anything else . thank u for caring about my art and supporting me. often the love i feel from all of you overpowers the discord in my mind. and even if my art is made for myself, seeing that this expression of myself connects with so many people is deeply deeply meaningful to me. im excited and incredibly grateful for the opportunity to connect with as many of you as i can during tour next month. if you see me around before or after the show feel free to say hi, your support means so so much. i love you - meadow (pluto)

[cadaverousdecay]

SHIT i meant thoughts. there were also thots on that film but thats not what i was saying.

frank n furter, the biggest thot of them all,,,, the rest of them were pretty thotty by the end too though peace and love <33333 but yeah i have rhps on dvd and i love it soooooooo so much it’s my emotional support transsexual bloody murder fest <3 and the songs are everything to me

[anadrenalineslut]

like i do think there needs to be space for white celebrities to be honest about the emotional realities of being politically activists as well without shaming them for feeling those emotions, right?

like yeah, maybe it's because i can only see it in a white woman perspective of having done the exact same thing before in my youth while trying to make friends with other white women but like it DOES suck and feel embarrassing when you think you're saying the right thing but nobody wants to hear it. maybe it's also my autistic perspective too because at least the narrative taylor has given us, i understand to being bullied and not understanding why as a child and being hesitant to make friends and then going into adulthood and entering a new phase (for me sorority college life ugh dont ask me id like to Forget) trying to make friends but not being able to ignore the harsh social realities of the world and trying to navigate friendship in white spaces in adulthood.

but like i just... everything i hear from political leaders and activists on the extreme left side of politics, especially globally, is that the best way to be an ally to ANY community is to call out bigotry when you hear it. however, especially for taylor swift who is very silent on political issues and who grew up idealizing the chicks, when you make that part of a public platform, it DOES come with mental health compromises.

again, if we broaden the discussion to societal standards of ethical behavior and how should allies move about in the world, we hear this narrative ALL THE FUCKING TIME from black activists on the internet. Kat Blaque is prime example of this and she talks about it often on her channel the impact it had on her back in 2016. um that one chick.... princess flowers! she also talked about her trauma regarding her harassment. like and there are many more people that have spoken out about how awful it is to be a political activist online nowadays.

do you guys think it only happens to the black activists though? the struggle with their mental health? i can only speak from my brief time on twitter before i was harrassed into getting banned for supporting amber heard but like even knowing some of the comments are fake, i had a walking dead actress put my tweet on blast onto her account. me. a fucking nobody. and it DID take an effect on MY mental health.

and i think we just have to be willing to hear it coming from white activists as well because frankly, white voices get the most validation. there IS a reason yall wanted her specifically to speak about politics after all right. her fame as a white woman, arguably The White Woman, would help get ALOT of shit done. and i guess in a way, she is tackling a political issue, it's just not one you guys are very happy about discussing i think.

like, yeah, after 2016 happened to her over the most pathetic ass petty bullshit, why WOULD she speak up about anything that matters ever again? I'm not saying i agree with her mentality but i do see how someone who is not in therapy would get to that conclusion. I've BEEN there before but for like different reasons. when you have trauma, your brain can react illogically to so many fucking things that seem normal and fine and healthy enough. thats like the point of trauma.

and i feel like honestly the reaction to i hate it here just validated her trauma response even more because i cannot even begin to describe how pathetic some of y'all were about that song. STILL are about that song. i keep thinking about how in ms americana she said that she felt like saying anything would have added fuel to the fire and she didnt want to cause harm by trying to speak out.

the hatred yall showed in response to her saying the 1830s had sexism and racism in it and would've been fun to live in..... i fear that it did the exact opposite of what yall wanted and just validated that belief for taylor and i cant help think... what's the point? was it useful? did the clowning on her make you feel happy inside? are you happy now that she refuses to talk about palestine or trump or the abortion ban?????

idk it feels so fucking destructive and mean and most of.... unnecessary.

idk if you want to ask people to challenge social norms, you have no not freak out every time they don't talk about exactly what YOU want them to bring attention to.

[star-ocean-peahen]

Christmas is a time for famil.............ial dysfunction!!

hahahahaha im the only person in this house who doesn't explode when upset hahahahahaha isnt it funny how that sounds like im a better person but i really just lash out quietly and sarcastically instead hahahahahaha and thats definitely worse because it's more insidious and hurts people when they have less of a chance to understand it hahahahahahaha

hahaha dad snapped at me for trying to protect my sibling from his forceful anxious rants and like yeah thats not the best way to go about the situation i see that now. its not going to work to tell him he's said enough because 1) he does not want to hear that 2) he does not want to hear that from me 3) hed never stop anyway because hes not ACTUALLY saying it for other people's benefit he's saying it because he doesn't believe emotional validation is a legitimate emotional need so he doesn't allow himself to have it so his anxieties have to come out somehow and this is how they do that and i cant really get down on him for that because i did it too!! when you dont have another outlet the anxieties will still come out but just in a non-constructive way!! of course whenever MINE did that he mocked me and made sure i knew EXACTLY how disgusting and cruel he thought i was being but BECAUSE of that i know how it feels and i dont want to do it to him!! the point is that i dont want anyone else to feel like i did and that includes the person who made me feel that way!! because he doesn't really deserve the grace and respect he never gave me but im going to try to give it to him anyway!! because thats the point of breaking the cycle!! but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my drive to protect my younger sibling is stronger in the moment than my drive to break the cycle and i dont know what to DO to do it the right way and i dont have to get it right esp when it isnt my job.................i just hate to see him saying things that hurt me so much to them...........

and its so fuckign. hard to remember that small humans have no better way of dealing with their emotions so they express them in non-constructive ways. because theyre being little rats.

and my mom is like the only one actually trying to make this celebration fun for everyone and she cant handle the emotional weight of everyone's problems on top of organizing the entire holiday for everyone. she can't do it. i watched her break down in the kitchen. shes doing better now but its not fair!! its not fair that this is happening to her!! its not fair that this is happening to us all!! its not fair that i had to be strong for her when i was repressing all of these feelings!! its not fucking fair that i love them so much!!

and im part of the problem!! i know that!! i make situations worse because im upset!! i tell my dad off for not deescalating when i suck at deescalating too!! im catty and petty and im definitely traumatizing my siblings in the way i was and thats eating me up inside!! i dont know how to do this better and i cant be expected to do this better but FUCK i hate it!!

i just. i wish my siblings could calm themselves down i wish my dad could successfully deescalate situations and not get into stupid arguments that he has to win to make up for his lack of consistent validation i wish my mom could stop yelling at my siblings i wish she could have enough support that she doesnt have to feel anxious i wish my family was NOT SO FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL.

its silly goofy but my anthem for when my dad makes me feel bad is the living tombstone song "i can't fix you" because it makes me feel better but its not just that i cant fix them i cant even HELP them. or even if i can i hurt more than i help. wanting to help doesnt translate to succeeding. fuck. i just. i just dont want anyone to feel like i did. but i make them feel that way more than i save them from it. fuck. do i have a thing about saving people. do i care more about feeling like i saved someone than actually being what they need. i dont fucking know.

[legobatjoker]

still thinking sm abt youre on your own kid and like. okay this is going to be kinda like really mushy and personal and emotional nd stuff but when i heard the friendship bracket line it made me think of you and abt like. i feel like what really makes me relate it the song sm is that i feel like iv been alone in a lot of ways for so much of my life esp since like. i rly dont have a lot of the forms of support other people do yk but like even w out that (or when its like. caused by that) iv still been able to get myself out of all the really low points in my life nd i really am so so glad that i did because that means i was able to meet you and be your friend and knowing you has really just been such an incredible important thing within my life and im so glad that i was able to have you in my life you really do just mean everything to me my beloved i love you so so much ;; and on that note ik this isnt a typical gn ask but i think im gonna go to bed now bc its nearly 5am for me so yea going to bed now but yea you really are so special to me much to me and i hope your days was good depute the busyness, gn my love<3

;;; this is so so so beautfiul dear and im so so so glad i can be your friend (friendship bracelets and all!! ) and sooooo unbelievably glad you could get yourself out of those low points. like thats so incredible and YOU are so incredible for it and i think it is such a good way to relate to the song as in like. you are so so so good just you on your own are an incredible and amazing but also youre a good friend and like!! you dont have to be on your own like. idek i cant phrase this as welll as taylor 😭😭 but yeah you and your friendship means soooo much to me and im so so so so so glad that we were able to meet and become friends ykw;;;;!! i really love you so so much💕💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻

[saebaragi]

someone: why do you keep listening to the same song over and over?

me: that's my wife

someone: ... who is your what now?

me: the song, she's my wife

someone: