#yeah i basically have four tags for every fandom

[extant-exhaustion]

I posted 2,444 times in 2022

25 posts created (1%)

2,419 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@incorrectknb

@hachidorikun

@storybookprincess

@viria

@kilruas

I tagged 2,441 of my posts in 2022

#haikyuu - 540 posts

#haikyuu!! - 539 posts

#hq - 538 posts

#hq!! - 538 posts

#knb - 385 posts

#kuroko no basuke - 385 posts

#kuroko no basket - 384 posts

#kuroko's basketball - 343 posts

#hxh - 280 posts

#hunter x hunter - 278 posts

Longest Tag: 122 characters

#light’s entire personality is a direct reminder that he’s a teenager whose prefrontal cortex ain’t even remotely developed

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

KagaKuro Month 2k22 (day 9)

Day 9: Firsts

The locker room was quiet after the Shuutoku game. Most of the team had already left, save for Kuroko and Kagami. The high from beating such a strong opponent still hung in the air, but there was something heavier there too.

“I’m sorry,” Kagami finally said, breaking the silence. Kuroko looked up from where he was crouched down tying his shoelaces.

“For what, Kagami-kun?” he asked blankly.

“I shouldn’t have hit you,” Kagami said firmly, his eyes trained on the ground beside Kuroko’s feet. “I was upset and acting stupid, which is no excuse. I’m sorry.”

Slowly, Kuroko stood and stepped closer to him. Kagami’s shoulders were hunched, and he was fiddling with his fingers.

“I hit you first,” Kuroko said diplomatically.

“I barely felt it,” Kagami replied.

A small smile played on the edges of Kuroko’s mouth.

“Well, I still did it. So, I apologize as well.”

Finally, Kagami looked up to meet Kuroko’s gaze and was startled by how close his teammate was standing.

“Would you like to be sure I’m okay?” Kuroko asked, and Kagami thought he heard a tremor in his partner’s always-calm voice. Kagami didn’t reply, just stood frozen as Kuroko reached for his hand, the coolness of his calloused fingertips sending a shiver through Kagami’s whole body.

But Kagami let Kuroko continue and was surprised to find himself trembling as Kuroko lifted Kagami's hand to cup his face. Kagami’s palm covered the whole of Kuroko’s flushed cheek.

By now, Kagami’s thoughts were racing and he knew his blush had to be the same color as his hair, but Kuroko’s eyes had drifted shut and he leaned his face into Kagami’s hand, humming quietly in what Kagami could only conclude was comfort. And, god, Kagami couldn’t have moved away even if he had wanted to.

Instead, he carefully brushed his thumb across Kuroko’s cheek, feeling the slight swell he’d caused with his right hook. Shame welled up in him for having hurt his best friend, but it was quickly swamped by the feelings that were rearing up in the wake of the incident—feelings that he had spent months denying to himself and avoiding for fear of chasing Kuroko away.

Kuroko’s eyes were still closed, and Kagami shifted closer, holding his breath, ready to be pushed away. But Kuroko didn’t flinch, didn’t open his eyes, only lifted his free hand to rest it carefully on Kagami’s waist. And after that, Kagami was done for.

His fingers gently carded through Kuroko’s blue hair and Kuroko leaned even closer, his eyes still closed, and Kagami couldn’t take it anymore. He wrapped his free arm around Kuroko’s waist and tugged him flush against his body, hearing a soft gasp before he leaned down to capture Kuroko’s lips in a kiss.

It was clumsy and awkward from their inexperience and height difference, but Kuroko responded enthusiastically, one hand coming up to tangle in Kagami’s hair and pull him even closer, eliciting a soft groan from the taller boy as he kissed Kuroko like his life depended on it.

Kuroko was the first to pull away, his breath coming heavily as he slumped forward to rest against Kagami’s chest.

“If that’s how you apologize after fights that I start, maybe I’ll have to pick them more often,” he said quietly, as Kagami chuckled and held him close, smiling wider than he could ever remember.

KagaKuro Month 2k22

26 notes - Posted October 20, 2022

#4

Haikyuu!! Fic Recs (1/?)

IwaOi Fic Recs

I'm a sucker for childhood-friends-to-lovers, and Iwa and Oikawa are the epitome of the trope. In my headcanon they're the type of friends who have been so close for so long that it takes the iconic oh moment for them to realize they've fallen in love along the way.

Before Midnight by fathomfive G | 2.5k | fluff and meteor showers and being the center of each other’s universe

Absolutely Lovely by levkawa & starlitcities E | 3.9k | when you love your BestFriendBoyfriend so much that it makes you cry, rated E for emotional sex

life is chances that are taken by bohemianraspberries T | 3.9k | coming out, mutual pining, being clueless and adorable

all in due time by rosalyra T | 8.8k | meeting your future selves, being stupidly in love

new phone who dis by meruemsthighs T | 57k | chat fic, college AU first meeting, pining, slow burn; Iwa is painfully dense, but their friendship is cute as hell

the weight of water by wordstruck/@redluxite M | 6k | major character death; heartbreaking, painful, crushing angst; but so, so beautiful

The Worth for and of Everything by Moami G | 3k | self-worth (or lack thereof) and how your best friend fucking loves you, you idiot

to write you a song & LA LA LAND by @aiviloti G/T | 8.5k/44k | letting your insecurities hurt you and the people you love; blowing up your life and then realizing you’d really like to put it back together; angst, angst, pining, time skips | the juxtapositions of fear and bravery; companionship and solitude; guilt and forgiveness; heartbreak and healing

31 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#3

adoration.gif

133 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#2

Haikyuu!! Headcanons (9/?)

Who confesses first? / How did they get together?

KageHina: After a grueling day of summer training, Hinata and Kageyama collapse on their backs in the grass outside the gym. The underclassmen are still cleaning up, the squeak of their shoes floating out into the humid summer evening. And Kageyama knows they should get up, knows that Ennoshita will probably yell at them for not helping, but for once, it seems that Hinata wants a moment of quiet. It's so strange for silence to fall between them, and Kageyama turns his head to say something, but stops. The light pouring from the open gym door slants across Hinata's face and makes him almost glow, and it's not the first time Kageyama has wanted this, but it's the first time he's said it out loud. He's not even sure how Hinata hears his name, whispered on an exhale as if it were as natural as breathing, "Hinata..." and as their eyes lock, just as quietly but much more certain, "I want to kiss you."

BokuAka: Kuroo is super supportive when Bokuto tells him that he's going to confess to Akaashi. In fact, he might be too supportive. He definitely doesn't do anything to dissuade Bokuto's plans from getting bigger and more dramatic by the day as he prepares to tell Akaashi how he feels. Kenma tries to be the voice of reason, but Kuroo and Bokuto are having none of it. So, on his birthday, the only comfort Akaashi has is that the club room is isolated. Because when he walks in, his eyes almost bug out of his head. The room is wallpapered in the dozens and dozens of pictures and selfies that Bokuto and Kuroo have been taking over the two years that Akaashi has been at Fukurodani. Some of the pictures he recognizes—often he's cringing or rolling his eyes—but others just include him in the background as Bokuto points with a huge smile, and many are taken from a distance of him and Bokuto at practice, at training camps, on the train, walking home after school (???). As Akaashi's eyes dart over the photos, he finally realizes that Bokuto is standing in the middle of it all. Behind him is an enormous photo of the two of them that Kuroo must have taken. In it, they're sitting side by side on a courtside bench. Bokuto is leaning over to rest his head on Akaashi's shoulder. And Bokuto is beaming, and Akaashi's arm is up around him; his fingers are in Bokuto's hair, and the look on his face...the look on Akaashi's face is nothing short of pure devotion. "Horror" is close to what Akaashi's emotions have landed on in the 30 seconds since he opened the door, but the ordeal is far from over as Bokuto finally steps forward. He's wearing a t-shirt with their faces on it and holding a bouquet of flowers, and Akaashi is going to murder Kuroo, but then Bokuto reaches out and takes his hand and confesses his feelings. And Bokuto is so earnest, and his eyes are shining, and killing Kuroo will have to wait, because Akaashi has waited long enough for this and he's got to hug his boyfriend.

IwaOi: When Oikawa is confident, he blazes a trail for all those who come after him, but when things get dodgy, it's Iwaizumi who leads the way. Oikawa blames it on Iwa being born forty days before him. ("That's forty days you had to prepare for the horrors of this world before I entered it!" To which Iwa mutters, "The horror I should've prepared for was you.") Oikawa's been saying it since they were kids—"Iwa-chan, you go first! I think there's a spiderweb there," "You can light the first firework, Iwa-chan! Let me know if they're expired!," "The ocean is waiting, Iwa-chan! You get in first and chase away all the sharks." And Iwaizumi does, every time. He goes first, and he takes risks, and he keeps it together when things go wrong, because if he starts to cry, Oikawa will absolutely join in. So when it comes to the most terrifying "first," the one that feels like standing on the edge of a diving board dozens of meters up, the one that Iwa knows won't break them, but it could easily break him...Iwa goes first. They're in Tooru's backyard, and Iwa is cleaning out Mrs. Oikawa's flowerbeds (which she told Tooru to do, but he's focusing very hard on trying to pet a very fat bumblebee that's landed on a bright red flower). And when Iwa looks up and sees Oikawa, his tongue peeking between his lips as he gently strokes the bee, his eyes wide with wonder, it's like Iwaizumi's heart stops beating. Then Oikawa smiles and says, "Iwa-chan! He feels like a tiny kitten! Come here!" and Iwa knows he's done for. He goes to Oikawa's side—he always will—and dusts his hands off on his shorts. His fingers are trembling as Oikawa takes his hand, and he's right, the bee does feel like a kitten. The bee is also annoyed at being prodded by giant fingers and promptly finishes with the flower and flies away. And Tooru is talking; he's still holding Iwa's hand; and Iwa can't hear anything, but his eyes lock on his best friend and he remembers, Oh, right. I have to lead the way. So he takes a deep breath and gets to the point, moving his hands to rest heavily on Oikawa's shoulders and holding him at arm's-distance (and ignoring Oikawa calling him a brute when he cuts him off midsentence). "Hey, dumbass," Iwa starts, and he doesn't flinch that that's how it begins, because, how else would it? Oikawa squawks in indignation, but Iwa says his first name, and Tooru is listening now. Iwaizumi has been staring at the ground beneath their feet, but now he meets Oikawa's eyes and a sigh leaves his lips. He's trembling slightly, but a smile quirks one corner of his mouth and he leads the way—"This isn't going to change anything. I've put up with you for this long, so you know I won't leave, even if you tell me to. So, don't make it a big thing if you don't feel the same way—it wouldn't be the first time we've disagreed." A deep breath, the last one before the plunge, and Iwa holds his arms out to his sides, like a shrug, like a declaration—this is all of me and if you want it...—and grins, "I'm in love with you." And they step forward together.

(Keep reading: KuroKen, DaiSuga, AsaNoya, KiyoYachi, UshiTen) (all headcanons here+)

KuroKen: The line between "best friends" and "boyfriends" has never really been clear with Kuroo and Kenma. They've always been especially close, more so than most friends their age. Through the years that they've spent together, they've picked up each other's habits and learned the meanings of subtlest of movements, always seeming to know what the other needs before anything is said. More than once, their friends and families have called their preternatural bond "spooky," and Kuroo loves to say that it's because he and Kenma have a psychic connection, but the truth is that they're just both incredibly observant and devoted to each other. And that devotion, which was born from being together nearly constantly in childhood and was cemented by innumerable moments that proved their loyalty and trust and affection, doesn't lend itself to either of them noticing that things have shifted between them. So, after years of casual affection—best friendship—after countless nights murmuring their insecurities and reassuring each other, after proving to each other again and again and again that they'll be there, they'll carry the burden, they'll make each other laugh, they won't leave...it's not much of a surprise when Kuroo tips his head back from where he sits on the floor beside Kenma's bed and asks seriously but without worry (because no answer could change what they mean to each other), "Hey, Kenma, do you think we could try being more than friends?"

DaiSuga: It takes Daichi a long time to work up the courage to confess to Suga. First, he spends over two years in denial (because everyone fantasizes about kissing the beauty mark below their best friend's gorgeous eye). From there, he moves to terror and preemptive humiliation (and embarrasses himself further by avoiding Suga for a solid month because he can't even look at him without feeling like he's going to throw up). And by the start of their third year, he's settled firmly into depressed pining, and it's about this time that he finally consults Kiyoko in a desperate attempt to garner sympathy from someone who might not laugh at him. And she doesn't! She's supportive and encouraging and lets him wallow at her house while they watch emotional American movies with only somewhat reliable subtitles. And it's one of those movies that finally gives Daichi an idea, something that, if he does it right, could make Suga smile (and honestly, even if Suga rejects him, if he smiles while doing it, Daichi might be able to convince himself not to hide under a blanket until graduation). So, he gets everything ready and staves off an approaching heart attack when he rings Suga's doorbell. And Suga clearly, somehow, knows the reference, because the first thing he says is, "Oh, please don't wait to confess to me until after I've married someone else." And Daichi drops his cue cards, his eyes wide, but Suga's eyes are wider as he realizes what's happening and what his sass just interrupted. But Daichi is laughing (somewhat manically), and Suga has run down the steps and is hugging him and nodding nonstop and laughing too, and it definitely didn't go as he planned, but Daichi is okay with that.

AsaNoya: Noya confesses to Asahi before morning practice one day, cornering him outside the club room and dragging him out of view of passersby. He talks too loud and says too much (did he just blame his suspension on feeling like Asahi broke up with him??) and ends by ordering Asahi not to accept just because Noya could kick his ass. For several long moments after Noya speaks, Asahi isn't sure if he heard correctly. Maybe he fell asleep on his feet and dreamt the whole thing. Maybe Hinata served a ball into his head and he's actually in a volleyball-induced coma. Maybe he's finally lost his mind from the stress and anxiety of being on this team that he loves so much it might actually be killing him. But, no. Asahi's dreams and delusions couldn't summon up a Nishinoya this real. He's wearing a determined frown (which might pass for a worried expression, now that Asahi thinks about it) and is almost vibrating—either from nerves or caffeine—and he's waiting for an answer. Finally, Asahi closes his mouth that's been hanging open, and without even crying, nods. A smile breaks out over Noya's face and then Asahi is smiling too, and Noya rushes forward to hug his new boyfriend.

KiyoYachi: Kiyoko wants her confession to be perfect, so she waits for the right time—her graduation day—and tries not to crumple the letter that she's written and rewritten more times than she'd like to admit. She's decorated the envelope with delicate flowers that she's doodled in her notebooks for years, and she's even dabbed the seal with the perfume she wears. So, when Yachi comes to congratulate her, Kiyoko tugs her away from the crowds and gives her the letter with trembling fingers. And Yachi's eyes are so, so wide, and her hands are shaking too. And she drops the letter and makes a panicked noise in her throat as she snatches it off the ground, but now she's shaking too hard to open it. And before Yachi can pass out from her nerves, Kiyoko takes one of her hands and squeezes it gently. She smiles softly as Yachi's breaths steady, because she knows her. And she knows Yachi is going to accept her confession. And she knows—and wants Yachi to know too—that her girl has no reason to be nervous.

UshiTen: It's on one of his morning runs near the end of their third year that Ushijima finally decides he needs to ask Tendou the question that's been weighing on him for months, maybe years. So, as he does every morning, Ushijima finishes his run and hits the shower, then he gets ready for the day and walks the short distance to Tendou's room, knocking twice before letting himself in. (The door is always unlocked, because Tendou lost his room key the second week of school and refuses to believe he won't find it before the year ends.) When Ushijima enters, Tendou is awake and blearily brushing his wild hair, his tie askew and his blazer unbuttoned. It makes Ushijima smile—as much of a smile as he ever does...his eyes soften at least. And as always, Tendou notices and inquires about it. And then Ushijima meets his eyes and his voice almost wavers as he asks, "Satori, you're my best friend. Please answer honestly. Is it abnormal for me to feel for you in a way that aligns with typical descriptions of romantic love?" And Satori drops the hair brush and squeals, because Wakatoshi did not just confess to him with the world's most bizarrely worded question at seven o'clock in the morning in his dorm room—but he did, and they'll talk the details over later. After Tendou stops jumping up and down with his arms wrapped around Ushijima's shoulders like a vice.

245 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

An Incomplete List of Very Straight™️ Things Other People Canonically Said About Kagami and Kuroko, Straight Best Friends Who Are Not In Love:

"They're as cute...as a couple!"

"Come on, [Kuroko], I've never even been turned down by a girl! That's why I'm slightly interested in you, Kagami. Since Kuroko has sworn himself to you."

"If you've really hit a wall, at least go tell Kagami. Though, you should know, that guy hasn't stopped believing in you once."

"If something like destiny does exist, then it has to be fate that he showed up too. A sixth player that's like the Generation of Miracles, but couldn't become one of us. Someone with just as much talent as us, but was the last to be awakened. The Miracle that never was...or rather, the true light bound by destiny to meet his shadow."

248 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[autisticandroids]

Seeing as you provide every interesting in depth spn analysis I'm probably coming to the wrong person for something so possibly surface level but I'm rewatching spn and would really love something to keep notes on, so is there any interesting phenomena in there you think would be worth keeping an eye on?

i received this, like, a month ago 🥴 sorry. anyway.

so, first of all. i'm flattered but i have also always been a little uncomfortable with the superlatives people attach to my name. the reason people think of me as some kind of spn scholar is a result of four factors, give or take: first, i make a lot of posts. in the year after november fifth i made something like five thousand posts. i know because i tag all my spn posts spn. and a lot of those posts were half a sentence! or an ask i answered with emojis! but it's still a lot of posts. the second reason is that i'm kind of a last man standing. a lot of the big name post-nov fifth destiel fandom crowd has kind of evaporated in search of newer, shinier things; my fascination was more enduring, so i still get the credit. the third reason has to do with like... i have slightly different tastes than the average spn fandom person and so the things i pay attention to are different and so my takes are unique. there were a lot of blogs that were bigger than me that people don't remember as much because their takes were more in line with conventional fanon (and therefore more similar to other people's and less memorable), whereas mine, because i have specific interests and am an incurable contrarian, were more unique and therefore people remembered who i was. fourth, and here we are down to the meat of the issue, i speak very authoritatively and use a lot of big words when i'm excited about something so people think i'm right.

i guess what i'm saying is don't take me so seriously.

now that my narcissism is out of the way, let's talk about themes in supernatural.

first of all, the thing about supernatural is that it has three hundred and twenty seven episodes organized into fifteen seasons, written by fifty three different writers supervised by four different showrunners and that's just the writing! that doesn't even mention directing, or acting, or producing... personally i like to say that i can feel when the story editor changes! so there really is... almost nothing you can get out of the whole show as a text that isn't incredibly broad and/or vague and/or boring. "they say family a lot" yeah they sure do. "it's a reactionary macho fantasy" like every other show from 2005. "they kill all the women" mmmmhm. like, basically every consistent element of spn as a story is a result of either classic genre cliches from the scifi or procedural or teenie bopper genres, very basic conclusions from the premise, or just the material nature of the behind the scenes of supernatural. they're going on a case instead of working on the main apocalypse of the season because this is a monster of the week show. cas has gone away again because they don't want to pay misha collins. quiet emotional scenes get dropped from the script because they don't serve the plot. and while there's some interesting things you can get out of these elements - one piece of analysis i've been thinking about a lot lately is this video about the mcu that argues that the classic serialized storytelling logic of constant escalation leads inherently to a fascist politics, and i think this point applies very well to supernatural - it only goes so far. it's interesting if you want to look at how the show exists in the wider politics of the real world. it's not that interesting if you want to sit with the show supernatural in its particular uniqueness.

so basically my recommendation, first of all, is to divide the show up into chunks. there are some obvious chunks - by season, by showrunner. most people do these. i would also recommend other methods, for example tying together some adjacent seasons. for example, even though season eleven is technically carver era and season twelve is technically dabb era, i would argue that seasons eleven and twelve have more in common in terms of tone and style than eleven has with 8/9/10 or twelve has with 13/14/15. seasons four, five, and six have a lot in common in terms of tone and themes that they don't share with seven or the first three. i would also recommend paying attention to the individual writers; their bodies of work will usually have more in common with themselves than with the episodes around them in terms of character, tone, and theme. for example, in season six, ben edlund creates a whole other arc about the angel civil war that he wants the season to have that exists only in his episodes, and none of the other writers really pick up what he's putting down so he's kind of left hanging. you can see all sorts of patterns like this if you sit down and look, and i would recommend doing that. maybe you can be the first guy to memorize all the directors and have Thoughts.

and then the next thing i would say is just... pick some themes you want to iterate on. so for example: one of my favorite themes to contemplate is a theme that season six almost has - dean believing that it is his job to protect ben and lisa, which justifies anything he might want to do to them, or anyone else.

----

man everything above that line is an ask i half answered then forgot about in july of 2023. i NEED to check my drafts more often

[yggdraseed]

An Incomplete Analysis of the Sukunadome

I stress the point that this is an inherently incomplete analysis. It's getting late, I'm tired and unhappy, and… well, the fight isn't over yet, so there's no way this analysis could be complete even if I felt like it. However, it's on my mind, and I feel the need to start exerting myself more on these things. Sometimes sweat is the better medicine. I know this is a long one and doesn’t have any pictures, but if we all support each other, we’ll get through it together.

Full disclosure, I wish more people had gotten filtered by this fight and just stopped talking about Jujutsu Kaisen by now. Like yeah, I think it's great different people see things in different ways, but let's all be honest with ourselves here, most of the people criticizing this fight are not doing so with any sort of literary or artistic perspective or good faith. Most of it is Gojo fans who are still crying, seething, vomiting, pissing, and shitting over the fact that the character they attached their ego to didn't win Jujutsu Kaisen like they wanted. If this describes you, well, this post will probably do you some good, but I'm confident nobody who takes the stance that Gojo should have won would have the space in their mind for what I'm about to say about Sukunadome.

Because that's what I'm calling it. "The Sukuna Cycle" was maybe a little funny for a week or two, but like most memes about this series, it wasn't really based on the story so much as it was on an agenda. Kusakabe was part of the fight since Yuji and Higuruma entered, and up until Miguel, we knew all the combatants who would be tagging in were there. We knew Yuta was off dealing with Kenjaku and would return, we knew Maki was in play, and there really weren't a lot of switches. Just Choso leaving and coming back, Ui Ui retrieving Higuruma's and Gojo's corpses, and… you know, actually, I think that's it. Sure isn't as much as the "Sukuna Cycle" memes made it out to be, huh?

Okay, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm a big JJK fan and a big JJK fandom hater. I think JJK has the worst Western internet fanbase I've seen in a long time, with only a few oases scattered across the internet where you can find intelligent life. Like it's insane what kind of bullshit a person can convince themselves of.

However, I'm not analyzing JJK's fanbase, I'm analyzing JJK. Someday we'll litigate whether or not Lobotomy Kaisen was really funny enough to justify how badly it ruined this fanbase's ability to objectively, productively engage with with one of the most competently written and culturally impactful manga to come out this century. Today is not that day.

So Sukuna's got four arms and knows how to use them. He's got four eyes and so much sass one mouth wasn't enough for the amount of trash he's got to talk to the youths of today. Just on a basic level, having four arms would be such an insignificant power in any other Shonen as to almost be a joke. Yet with how jujutsu sorcery functions as a power system and how adept Sukuna is at using every possible advantage at his disposal - even going so far as to take what probably should be disadvantages and twist them to work for him - having the ability to make hand seals while fighting hand-to-hand, and being able to chant without interrupting his breathing, are inseparable from Sukuna's godlike fighting ability. I love how something seemingly so mundane is such a huge x factor for Sukuna.

We continually see how Sukuna is a complex, but fundamentally vile antagonist. He has a very rich, detailed view of the world, but one that fundamentally reduces every other human being to be his playthings and food. It's just that Sukuna says, "Don't like it? Then get stronger." It's a very Social Darwinist, late stage capitalist view to be coming from the Heian Era, and I think that maybe it's intentional. Shitty people are shitty in mostly the same ways, it's just they find new things to be shitty about or to use to be shitty with.

Like if that were all it is, it'd make Sukuna so effective as a villain to hate and would slot so nicely into Jujutsu Kaisen's overarching social and political commentary. Cruelty within suffering, selfishness as a strength and a weakness, the unfairness of how the strength to pursue one's agency is unevenly distributed and how the haves don’t realize how easily they could have instead been have-nots, it's all there.

But there’s this inherent charisma to Sukuna that I think is intentional. He has this noblesse oblige where he’s so inherently aware of his greatness that he doesn’t have a problem with giving credit where credit is due. Like he talks all the trash when he’s fighting Jogo, but where Gojo’s insults come across as puerile and blunt, Sukuna’s always displaying this wit to him. And when the battle’s over, he acknowledges that even though Jogo wasn’t as strong as him, he was stronger than most and could have gone even further if he hadn’t held himself back. He starts off belittling Gojo in their fight, but by the end, he expresses a profound respect and gratitude towards Gojo. Like it’s a very warped form of those sentiments, but I think it’s sincere. Even with Ishigori, when Sukuna fails to cut him the first time, he just acknowledges it was disrespectful to hold back and that he’ll give it full force the next strike.

Something to keep in mind is that everything Megumi warned Yuji about when it comes to ancient sorcerers applies to Sukuna as well. They’re not treated as uniformly, unambiguously evil anymore than anyone else in JJK is, and are acknowledged as having fundamentally different world views about violence and the value of human life. Kashimo, for instance, seems to value his life only because he’s able to risk his life and lay it on the line. They’re people from an era where children died so young that parents often gave them numbered names so as to not get too attached until they’d see if their kids actually were going to make it or not. If you didn’t give your whole life over to a goal, you probably wouldn’t achieve it. Whereas modern sorcerers, modern people, have all these complex and sometimes contradictory views and needs, ancient sorcerers show a tendency to shave everything away except their one singular conviction because that was what you had to do in an era of much shorter life expectancies and peril on all sides. You’d be very lucky to accomplish one life goal, let alone as many as people of today set out to achieve: graduating high school, graduating college, getting a job, starting a family, and hopefully having one or two passions on the side. Fundamentally different worldviews from fundamentally different periods of history.

And Sukuna is no different. His goal is simple: partake in the many colors and flavors of humanity through mortal combat in the arena of sorcery. Sukuna’s love for sorcery runs deep. He’s always curious about different cursed techniques, even ones that are pedestrian to a sorcerer of his level, like Nanako’s smartphone-based technique. He reminds me of a quote from Baki: “Someone who works hard can never beat someone who enjoys himself.” Sukuna has clearly put forth great effort to master sorcery, but clearly doesn’t see it as work. He sees it as just doing what he enjoys and is good at.

Unfortunately for everyone else, he enjoys killing and is extremely good at it. Sukuna is the ultimate ethical heat death of the “live for yourself, cherish your own agency, don’t let yourself be controlled” mindset that is the ideological starting point of JJK. It’s a very dark, extreme interpretation of Buddhist non-attachment, where even compassion is an attachment to ultimately shed. Sukuna lives perfectly freely, including being free from guilt or compassion.

Naturally, there’s an exception. All things seem to have exceptions. In Sukuna’s case, that would be Uraume. I’ve been fascinated by their dynamic since we first learned of Uraume’s allegiance to Sukuna during Shibuya and I still can’t wait to know more. Suffice to say, Sukuna dotes on Uraume, forgiving their mistakes and seeming to enjoy their company not just because of their service to him, but because their existence makes him happy. I’m reminded of Power in Chainsaw Man, how she was seemingly incapable of empathy or mercy until she met Meowy.

Honestly, Sukuna reminds me a lot of a lot of characters in Chainsaw Man. People who are trying to climb from this state of misery, of struggling just to meet basic desires, and learning to be human. Yet Sukuna is so strong he never needed to learn to be human. He never needed to cooperate with others to survive — or at least, doesn’t seem to believe he did — and so he never saw the value in it. And so he’s basically brute forced his way around having to undergo an arc like Denji’s, and has instead ended up a hedonistic black hole devising all these complicated philosophical arguments to justify what is, really, a very simplistic, predatory desire to only satisfy his basic material wants and creative interests and nothing else for anyone else.

But like, it’s not that simple. If you give to others, you get something immaterial in return. I can’t quantity it or define it, but I’m sure most of you know what I mean. The happiness that comes from taking care of others’ needs, and the deeper levels beyond that happiness. Like I do believe that’s the subtext behind Binding Vows as metaphor: that you almost never give without getting in return. You might not get the same thing back, in the same form, but being changed by the act of putting the needs and wants of others before your own even temporarily still is part of the exchange. It’s part of becoming complete as a human being.

Sukuna has defied that exchange and broken the cycle, and I don’t think it’s inherently for his own benefit. There are some thing about being human that you don’t just get to opt out of, no matter how much you claim you’re more than or less than human. Even if Sukuna doesn’t think he’s lost something of value, he has. And that something of value is inherent to the whole point of this final battle.

Jujutsu Kaisen is basically working on two big problems. There are lots of ideas at play in the series, but there are two fundamental problems for which every fiight, every character arc, every turn of the gears consitutes part of the calculus to solve one or both of those problems.

The first problem, a thematic and philosophical one: “How do you love and fight for something when you know you’re going to die?”

The second problem, a metatextual one: “Is there any artistic and social value left in the Shonen formula as it stands in the modern day?”

And this fight is, ultimately, where GeGe is showing their work. It’s where Yuji has to defeat Sukuna, if not in terms of out-boxing him, then in terms of prevailing over his beliefs about humanity and the world as a whole.

GeGe has stripped Yuji of everything that is supposed to determine the worth of a Shonen protagonist’s victory. He’s not fighting alone, he didn’t go off and train all by himself, he trained with a lot of powerful, smart people who helped him. And Yuji is arguably not even the most important participant in the fight. So why should we care if Yuji wins?

The answer is so simple it’s easy to lose track of it. Yuji is risking his life to rescue someone, his friend, from being exploited, and to save the people of Japan from being exploited. Even after everything that’s happened, Yuji plants his fucking feet and takes a stance that no, shithead, there is such a thing as the right thing. Maybe it isn’t obvious all the time, and it sure as hell isn’t always easy to know what it is, but he knows now with certainty what it isn’t: to exploit others or to destroy yourself. We can find our answers somewhere in-between.

Sometimes we can’t resolve our problems with a tidy solution that makes everyone happy and sometimes we have to carve a piece of ourselves out and give to something we won’t be sure to see the fruition of, but that’s just life. It doesn’t mean we have to throw away all hope for things to get better. Even if the world won’t become utopian, it can still become better, no matter how many nihilists hide their own inequities behind assertions that there is no point.

Nihilism is not a solution to the problems of life, it is the choice to run away and hide. To give into nihilism is to give up the fight even while other people are still fighting all around you.

So that’s the fucking point of the Sukunadome. Nobara already said it better than anyone else has before she made Mahito look like the bitch he was and always will be: “Sometimes you need to fight even when you know you can’t win.” Because you won’t always win and you won’t escape death, nor will you know what lies beyond death. However, you can still live according to your principles and fight for the things you see as meaningful even if other people don’t.

That is why so many characters have come and gone from the fight. All gave some, some gave all. Nobody is truly useless — even if Miwa self-deprecatingly jokes about being useless, she still was the one thing standing between Maki and Malevolent Shrine’s eviscerating hellscape. Even Amai’s sweets-conjuring joke technique saved Hana from a would-be fatal fall and helped to supply sugar to the brains of people using reverse cursed technique in Shoko’s triage. Larue couldn’t do much, but they caught Sukuna’s eye at the perfect time for Yuji to land a Black Flash, and that means something. It all means something.

Given how deeply GeGe clearly respects Hunter X Hunter, I want to end off by citing one of the quotes in Hunter X Hunter that has been the most impactful for me and I suspect has been about as impactful on GeGe: “It seems small things… infinitesimally small things… are needed to build the entire universe. The size of a thing has nothing to do with its power.” We always seem to direct our senses to the superlatives. The largest, the oldest, the loudest, the things that hit the hardest. But while it would be wrong to throw those out, we often lose sight of how many little, important things there are in the midst of those huge, important things.

Seeing someone’s smile when you remembered something they said that showed you were listening to them. The feeling of a warm breeze on a summer morning. The smell of honeysuckle on your walk home. Waking up to rain on a Sunday. The taste of watermelon. Getting married. Having your heart broken. Songs that make you smile, songs that make you cry — songs that do both, and songs that make you feel things you can’t describe. When you’re always looking to those immense, monolithic things, always comparing your seemingly small, seemingley meaningless life to them, you lose sight of just how meaningful all of it is.

Just because it doesn’t have cosmic, absolute meaning doesn’t make it meaningless. Every little thing that means something to you is worthy of being cherished. The people around you, the things that bring you happiness, even if that happiness is going to ebb and flow. It’s all worth fighting for and living for. It just takes bravery and conviction to keep fighting and keep living with authenticity and love. And if there’s an artistic value, a greater meaning to Shonen, now and always, it’s the unerring, unabashed belief that there’s a reason to aim high and not give up.

Because sometimes, life hurts. But if it’s just pain, Yuji Itadori will never stop. We’ll see what I have to amend, reconsider, or elaborate on when the fight is finished. I hope this gave some of you a new way to look at it.

[mountmortar]

as someone who only ever beat four swords adventures. can i hear the lore on why the newer games are annoying. if you dont want to get into it in public though i totally get it lol

OKAY SO LIKE. let me put this under a cut.

so me thinking the newer games are annoying is a personal thing. i'll put that out there to begin with. i completely understand why they're games that people love a lot—for people who like open-world games with lots of exploration and building shit and whatnot, and don't really care for games that have Plot and Stories and Meaning behind them, they're probably damn near perfect games.

but like. MY main problem with the games, specifically (which could be easily ignored if not for my MAIN BIG PROBLEM WITH THE FANDOM which i'll. get into after this), is that while i will concede that they may be Good Games to those who play them (i watched a playthrough of breath of the wild Once and am currently trying to get through it myself and not only am i bored to tears but i hate the art style and when i say the soundtrack fucking sucks. the soundtrack Fucking Sucks. like it is legitimately the WORST fucking game soundtrack i've ever heard in my LIFE which makes doing anything in the game absolutely unbearable to me) they are, absolutely, terrible ZELDA games.

the legend of zelda franchise for almost forty years now has built up a series dedicated not ONLY to exploration within the game, but also music and wonderful stories that each game tells. like pokémon, in its own way—but even in pokémon, when the story is bland (xy, swsh) or just plain bad (usum) you can always count on it to have a great soundtrack. breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom took both "plot" and "music" and just threw them out the window. the overworld music in breath of the wild is nothing except a few piano notes every five minutes. the battle music when you encounter an enemy is the most boring, lackluster shit i've ever heard in my life (AND THE MUSIC FOR THE BOSS BATTLES IS SOMEHOW EVEN WORSE). basically imagine pokémon legends arceus except instead of all the wonderful overworld music we got for all the different areas, you just have dead silence. that's pretty much what running around in breath of the wild is like.

and the story? get ready for the blandest characters you've ever met in your life. you will not get attached to a single one of those cardboard cutouts. anything that adds meaning to the story is locked behind paid DLC which automatically makes it not even worth my time or money. basically, breath of the wild was like "what if we took the original legend of zelda from 1986 and its sequel from 1987 and added modern mechanics to it. and throw in a new plot that isn't even worth getting attached to." i would literally prefer playing those old 2D games over that game. their plots were entirely constrained to the game manuals because they couldn't fit them into the actual games themselves because they were 80s games and they were STILL more interesting than botw/totk.

but whatever! it's not a big deal. i can ignore the games. it's not up to me to dictate what people should and should not play as part of a franchise. again, people love the games for a reason, and that reason is usually because breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom are like "what if legend of zelda but throw in some minecraft elements about it". like....okay. WHATEVER!

my problem is with the fandom. the Giant Portion Of The Fandom That Has Only Played BOTW and TOTK and NOTHING ELSE. you literally cannot escape it. you know the types of people that spam the tags of every game in their game series just to make EVERYONE look at their post about One Particular Game? yeah it's like a literal army of those people. i MAINLY stick to posting about the older games from the 80s/90s/early 2000s (i.e. four swords/four swords adventures, the original legend of zelda + its sequel, a link to the past, the minish cap, ocarina of time/majora's mask/etc etc etc you get me) and everywhere you look there's somebody doing everything in their power to bring botw/totk into it/spamming the tags with botw/totk posts/just spreading blatant misinfo regarding the older games???? because they've never played them???? and like whatever i can ignore that too but i mean!!!! at some point it just gets so ridiculously irritating!!!!!! basically it's like. do you know how the pokémon company keeps bringing kanto into literally every game somehow + will not stop with the charizard hype to the point where everyone is sick and tired of charizard. that's pretty much what's happening except it's botw/totk. and i am so tired of hearing about the metaphorical charizard HAHAHA

[lemotmo]

20 Questions for fic writers

Tagged by @warpedpuppeteer. Thank you for the tag and the challenge! :)

1-How many works do you have on ao3?

- 36 works in total. 6 for my current fav ship: Buddie

2-What’s your total Ao3 word count?

- 332,354 words written.

3-What fandoms do you write for?

These days only for 911, Buddie fics. But I used to write for SGA (McShep), Without a Trace (Danny/Martin) and The West Wing (Josh/Donna).

4-Top 5 fics by kudos?

All of them Buddie fics! :)

Three years (180 kudos)

Too Little Too Late (226 kudos)

To Boldly Go (256 kudos)

The Comfort of a Home (408 kudos)

Stuck (on you) (885 kudos)

5-Do you respond to comments?

I do, but sometimes it takes a long time to get to them. I have so little time in my daily life that it's a struggle to find time to reply. But I do get to them... in time. So be patient please if you are someone who has commented and you haven't heard back from me yet. Know that I appreciate each and every comment. I read them, but I just don't always have time to reply on the spot.

6-What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oooh, well there's four fics that come to mind here:

You Only Disappear (Without a Trace, Danny/Martin)

It ('Without a Trace' set in the 'Stargate Atlantis' universe, Danny/Martin, TW body horror)

Experiment (Stargate Atlantis, McShep, TW murder/suicide)

Buck is Here (911, Buddie, TW MCD)

7-What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, I have a lot of fics that end happy, but three fics come to mind here:

The Road to Nowhere (Stargate Atlantis, McShep, Cowboy AU)

The Sound of Science (Stargate Atlantis, McShep, The Sound of Music AU)

To Boldly Go (911, Buddie, Star Trek AU)

8-Do you get hate on your fics?

Not so far no. Never had any hate.

9-Do you write smut?

Well, yeah if the story asks for it. But only when it fits the narrative. I don't go into too much details though. I like to keep things 'light' and 'fluffy'. :D

10-Craziest crossover?

Well, I would say:

The Sound of Science: a fusion between 'Stargate Atlantis' and 'The Sound of Music'. XD LOL!

To Boldly Go: a fusion between 911 and Star Trek. Basically it's a Buddie story set in the Star Trek universe, but Star Trek characters don't really show up.

11-Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know off. I don't know if my writing is good enough to steal though. It's important to stay humble. :D

12-Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13-Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, when I was in 'The West Wing' fandom (in the beginning of the 2000's) I wrote about three longer Josh/Donna fics together with a fandom friend. I have lost contact with her since, but I will never forget about her.

14-All time favorite ship?

Oh wow, it's very hard to pick one, because all of my ships hold a special place in my heart.

Josh/Donna from 'The West Wing' was my first online ship. I made fanart, wrote fanfic, met great people. In those days fandom was mostly found on the Yahoo-groups. They eventually went canon in season 7, but I had moved on from the show by then because of how bad the writing got in later seasons. So, I missed the big reveal as they went canon. I'll never not regret it.

Danny/Martin from 'Without a Trace' was a magical ship. My second online ship. I met so many great fellow fans and friends back then. We even met up in Rome and London with a whole bunch of us. Great times on LiveJournal as well.

McShep from 'Stargate Atlantis' was my most prolific ship. I wrote so much fic and made oodles of fanart for those men. Those were the heydays of LiveJournal fandom.

Buddie in '911' is so special to me. I've been in this fandom since season 1, online since season 2. I have met so many great people in this fandom. The best thing of all is that this is the first ship that actually has a great chance of going canon, while I'm still actively watching and enjoying the show. YAY!

15-What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I have this dystopian Without a Trace fic half written in my documents. It has been sitting there for years now. It has the possibility of being so great, but I don't have the will to finish it anymore, because the fandom is mostly non-existant these days. Maybe I'll turn it into an original work of fiction one day. Who knows?

16-What are your writing strengths?

Writing dialogue. I actually hear the characters talking in my head. I just write down what they are saying and it always works out.

17-What are your writing weaknesses?

Finding the time to write! But mostly the grammar, especially the tenses. As a non-native speaker it is a struggle to keep on writing in the correct tense and it's very difficult sometimes to know when to switich to another tense if it's appropriate. It's highly frustrating. I reread and edit my stories up to 10 times sometimes to catch all the grammatical errors. And even then there are still a few that I miss.

18-Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

For some reason I can't read/write non-English fics. I hate fics in my own language. Since the shows I love are English speaking shows, I need to read/write English fics.

19-First fandom you wrote in?

The West Wing.

20-Favorite fic you’ve written?

That's a hard question, because they are all my babies. I can definitely see that my writing has improved over the years though. So I tend to like my last works better than my first works, even when I do still appreciate them for what they are.

I guess the fic I'm most proud of writing is 'To Boldly Go'. It took blood, sweat and a lot of tears, but I got through all 16 chapters in the end. It took a couple of years to finish though. :D

Tagging: I'm not tagging anyone in particular. Anyone who sees this, feel free to do it for yourself. Tag me so that I can read it. 🫶🏽

[the-one-who-lambs]

AO3 Questions Tag Game!

I was tagged by @bamsara (on my main @onethirdofimpossible but most of my readers follow me here for cotl stuff so I'm posting it here)

I tag @i-eat-deodorant and @megsiepoo!

Under the readmore because this is long as shit

1 – How many works do you have on AO3?

69 BAYBEEEE

2 – What’s your total AO3 word count?

213,360 words published

3 – What fandoms do you write for?

Previously: Pokemon (no longer online), Steven Universe, a few Deep-Sea Prisoner games (Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea, The Grey Garden, Ice Scream)

Currently: Cult of the Lamb

4 – What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Care and Keeping of Eldritch Gods. Until the rewrite of RL/FG is done, this is my magnum opus

Present My first ever CotL fic. This was the first time I'd written fic in like four years and I was dusting off my writing muscles...

Smitten soft narilamb....

Cat(nip) Boy wrote this for shits and giggles in my early fandom days. The One Who Waits on catnip

How Narinder Takes His Tea First part of the old RL/FG series. Though I'm remaking it as a longform multichap fic, I'm keeping up the old series because of the memories + I don't want other people who saved the old one to lose it.

5 – Do you respond to comments?

All the time! I was able to respond to literally every single comment back in 2022, but as last year went on, I realized I probably can't realistically do that anymore. It's a blessing and a curse.

6 – What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

We already knew how this would turn out. Title not given directly in my answer in case of spoilers. My readers saw it coming because I had built up to it, but I took my time writing the gradual reveal in the last chapter to make sure it landed the way I wanted it to.

And one more comment I won't post here bc (for anyone who wants to read it) spoils the ending but shoutout to the person who physically felt the shock lurch through their body when the realization hit them after the slow build-up.

As much as I love angsty stories with happy endings, what gets me more are stories that are happy at face value, with endings that are heartwrenching because of the underbelly of what lurked beneath that facade.

7 – What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God. Bit a spoilers below if you're avoiding that

The original wedding fic (as part of the original series) is up, but it's going to get a good polishing in the rewrite. Lambert and Narinder are going to have a private first dance, Thenana and Narinder are going to have a deeper conversation, Ratau's interactions with Lambert are gonna be shown rather than just told, Aym and Baal will be revived.

8 – Do you get hate on fics?

Mostly no. There was one time last year that I was compared to another writer in the fandom and slowly asks evolved into "your own concepts are being done better by others" and shit, and the other writer got hate messages as well, and... well, it was a whole thing. Don't wanna talk too in detail about it because I don't wanna beat a dead horse but cotl writers have unionized so we got the last laugh I guess

9 – Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

lol ya it's on remainderofreality. What "kind?" uh. experimental because I'd never tried the genre before this fandom and it kinda shows but that's okay.

10 – Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Honestly, I'm not really into crossovers! Unless it's Webber in cotl. He can stay, he's cute.

11 – Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah. It was actually the first fic I posted online, ever. In middle school, I wrote a whole ~100k-ish word self-insert pokemon fanfic, which I wrote by hand in like five composition notebooks, so I never posted that online. But after that I decided to post shorter one-shots for pokemon online, and a few months later I found one of mine reposted without credit. Plagiarized entirely, basically. It scared me and I deleted everything I had posted online, and I don't have extra copies of the works now. :(

12 – Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I'd be okay with it if I was asked beforehand and proper credit was given!

13 – Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yeah! Of Duty and Devotion is basically a glorified roleplay between me as Aym, @i-eat-deodorant as Baal, @checkplzjuliet as The Lamb, and @surfdudeboy as Narinder. I also wrote Hide and Seek, a cute little Bishop family one-shot, with @lordiedams (hi Damien I miss you).

14 – What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Narilamb. I haven't focused on a ship for this long, except maybe Rupphire back in the day, but I'm fixated so much more on CotL than I was for SU.

15 – What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly, Of Duty and Devotion lmao. I'm much more focused on my own projects and so are Pavi, Surf, and Juliet. I do want to finish it though.

16 – What are your writing strengths?

Pacing, diction, syntax, getting the intended point across and doing it well. Once I commit to doing something, I don't usually let myself "give up" on it, hence why I barely have any unfinished WIPs. That's a skill honed with tons of practice, though. I have massive ADHD, and I'm bad at finishing things, but when it comes to writing by god I'm gonna do it.

17 – What are your writing weaknesses?

I often struggle to get to a point where I'm totally focused in on what I'm writing. It does happen once or twice a month, but honestly, I'm usually so busy with life stuff that I don't get to do that most of the time! I wish I had more time to make room for my hobbies, but alas. At least summer is coming up, and I'll be able to do that more often, hopefully!

18 – Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's possible to do it naturally for sure, but I rarely see it done well in fic. I've never attempted it...... or, wait, have I? I guess Thenana's sign language counts, huh? ...I feel like I need to do more research about this topic to answer the question properly.

19 – First fandom you wrote for?

Pokemon <3

20 – Favorite fic you’ve written?

The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God or The Care and Keeping of Eldritch Gods.

Risen/Fallen (and the enemies-to-lovers narilamb dynamic) was like the first thing that I did to make a "mark" on this fandom, and I didn't expect it to inspire so many people for sure! But, the first iteration of the series was so rushed. I wrote the whole thing in just over three weeks and averaged one chapter published every day and a half. Now that I have a better grasp on the characters after playing with them for a long while, I get to see my improvement, and I get to see so many friends I've made along the way sticking with me, the revamped "director's cut" version is definitely on track to be my favorite work.

However. It has yet to surpass Care and Keeping. As the oldest of four kids in my family, I based so much of Shamura on my experiences as an eldest sibling, and many of the experiences the younger bishops had in their formative years on our own childhoods. I based Narinder's childhood off of brother #1's (brother who is two years younger than me), Kallamar's childhood on my own, Heket's childhood on my sister's (five years younger than me), and Leshy's off of my youngest brother's (ten years younger than me). This story wasn't just an exploration of the Bishops and their dynamic/relationship pre-canon, it's also a testament to my own love as an eldest sibling... and all the anxiety associated with that, too.

Thanks for tagging me! Back to working on my presentation...

[julysn]

fanfic ideas

(i would totally write these if i felt motivated. but i don’t. so now u have to listen to me.)

fandoms i had in mind: south park, unwind dystology, tcoaal. but these can be used for any fandom.

a/n: HI HELLO i would like to see these happen. so im dumping it on YOU. you’re welcome. most are x reader focused bc i have wrote those all my life, but u can switch these up idgaf

writers i see u sprinting at me from a mile away. it’s okay. slow down bookie. it’s okay i’m here.

ALSO IF YOU USE THESE GIVE CREDIT FOR INSPO 🙏 just put my user somewhere visible on the masterlist/notes or tag me 😉 it’s not that hard pookie

# south park ──

and yes u can use these ideas for any other piece of media. just give credit i am BEGGING 😭🙏🙏

— … unwind au. HELLO DO WE SEE THE VISION WTF?? cmon guys. stan and kyle being connor and hayden WTF DO U GUYS SEE IT wjat. kyle as connor definitely they’re pretty similar imo

— fingerbang au where it has four separate endings for the main four. but y/n is a stylist/manager/makeup artist (if u need it.. look up kpop fics for inspo)

— instead of tolkien and his parents moving in across tegridy farms, it’s y/n. yeah that’s all i got

— doubling down except heidi’s y/n, and y/n doesn’t get back with cartman.

this was one i attempted writing a WHILEEE ago but never really. yk. got the hang of it.

but basically to sum the idea up, it’ll be the entire doubling down episode except extended. like, it could play it longer and extra scenes (ex. extension of the dinner scene where they make fun of cartman to heidi, every scene in the montage written out)

— childhood best friends to enemies to lovers where y/n had a big fight w the love interest days before they moved. but then they move back to south park and (not surprisingly) they got a glow up and they’re hot now! so everyone tries to flirt w them but the love interest catches their eye and they’re still enemies ofc but they catch feelings

— this is more of a oneshot, but y/n asks someone (or a set of people) to get matching sanrio pajama pants. yeah. do whatever stinks

— high school au. where y/n is a sad emo loser and the love interest is popular. and they lose a bet and have to ask solemn little y/n out but y/n says yes so the love interest is like “….. im gonna break up with them after three months.” but (spoiler alert) THEY FALL IN LOVE!

bonus points for angst w happy ending. like y/n finds out about the bet or something and then the love interest is like “NO PLS. I NEED U. U DONR GET ME” and they’re vulnerable and desperate and y/n’s like “okay! 😊😊”

idea. hi. i have idea. y/n gets bullied for dating love interest so they’re protecting sad little y/n bc they feel bad and it’s really cute and love interest thinks “…….:…. why is y/n kinda cute.”

— DETECTIVE KYLE X CRIMINAL Y/N PLEASE IM BEGGING??? i Love him i Need This. ARAAAAHHHHH

— angel y/n who is pure and innocent but NOT NAIVE! please do not make y/n sound like how those 2013 wattpad fics would’ve made her sound. demon love interest.

is it just me or y/n is a separate entity. she’s banging every character in existence like what. also i’m not religious so i wouldn’t really know about this stuff

# unwind dystology ──

— au where risa isn’t in a state home and she has cool foster parents. and she has to babysit lucas but one day she meets connor bc he’s home (shocker!) and they become friends and he slowly stops being away from home to see her 💘💞🩷

— CAN WE GET SOME X READER UNWIND FICS PLEASE

— au where y/n gets hired to be connor and risa’s bodyguard. and risa has her gay awakening so connor and y/n get to know each other and fall in love!

— blind date hayconrisa. how will this happen? idk ask urself

— high school au. again. why am i so obsessed w high school au’s IM BARELY EVEN A FRESHMEN DAWG 😭 but anyways fake dating haycon. like maybe connors trying to escape from his admirers so he agrees to fake date hayden.

surprise surprise. THEY FALL IN LOVE THOSE GAY FUCKERS

— mermaid risa x sailors connor and hayden. i live laugh love hayconrisa.

— jackson wang party and hayden gets DRUNK (boy u are not old enough to be drinking!) so connor takes him home and takes care of him

— rockstar au. do we smell it

— guardian angel hayden who is never serious to the point connor’s like “….. are u seriously my guardian angel wtf”. but haycon. i lov haycon

— LIFEGUARD AU. LIFEGUARD CONNOR IS THE HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF. WHERE ARE THE ARTISTS I NEED U

— risa or hayden has to tutor connor bc his dumbass is failing every subject (high school au)

— underage smoking + shotgun kisses in the graveyard…,,…. hayden somehow gets weed so he shares it w connor and risa and maybe haycon/conrisa shotgun kisses oneshot. hear me out hello

— yo chat can we get some more unwind angst w happy ending

— greek god/goddess au? dunno how that’s gonna work but i just came up w it

— LOVE BAND AU. connor being sad emo guitarist with a hot keyboardist girlfriend

— au where lev did clap at happy jack…,…

# tcoaal ──

i cooked way too hard w these. someone better write one of them and tag me (we’ll get married in a gorgeous cathedral if u do… 🌝)

also IK THESE ARE MORE FLESHED OUT THAN MY SP AND UNWIND ONES! it’s bc i prefer multi-chapter tcoaal fics

— me trying not to mention unwind au whenever i think of writing fics for other fandoms. NO BUT SEEEEE it would work so well. like maybe the graves parents wanna unwind ashley and andrew somehow finds out so him and ashley run away (andrews.. uh, 17? and ashley’s 15 prob. u gotta know the unwind lore for this to work)

maybe they’re like starkey when he killed that juvey cop. maybe they do kill juvey cops. maybe

— 1980s AU OMG where it takes place in the united states (did europe have a lot of arcades back then? but anyways. the united states had more arcades so let’s just say it takes place there) and andrew is the sad emo loser at the prize counter.

and y/n is babysitting for some kids when she (not specifically fem reader but i have a habit of using she/her when talking about y/n…) decides to take them to the arcade bada bing bada boom

and the two meet at the prize counter and they hit it off really well despite andrew being an absolute ass. and the kids are like “….. are they flirting” so then y/n begins to take them to the arcade more often to see andrew 💞💞🩷💘💘💞 and they get to know each other outside of him being at work

— nsfw ashley x y/n x andrew threesome smut where they take turns FUCKING y/n RAW!

w/ plot: ashley and andrew are both head over heels for y/n and they’re arguing over who gets to have you because.. um. idk. and then y/n shows up somehow and she’s like “guys what—“ and they immediately begin flirting with her

so she’s like “i like the both of u WANNA SEX” or something (cmon im not good at porn w plot) so they… yeah. they BANG!

— government detective/officer y/n who gets sent to track down the graves siblings. she finds them w a colleague and is sent on an undercover mission to somehow befriend them, get close to them and lure them into a trap where they get arrested

but in the process (surprise surprise) she falls for them! and there’s four separate endings. one for if y/n picked to save andrew, one if y/n picked ashley, one if y/n picked both and somehow kept her job and one if y/n eventually hid her feelings and just let both get arrested!

maybe even some epilogue chapters for all of the choices. like for the first two it’s y/n getting spooned/spooning the other as they talk about what would’ve happened i’d they didn’t escape (bc y/n was smart and made the one who got caught walk in front) and the remaining sibling doesn’t know that y/n still works for the gov’t.. for the third one maybe y/n moves in w them and they’re all poly now? dunno. still thinking. and for the last choice maybe y/n felt guilty and went to visit them in prison to confess but they’re both extremely pissed

smut for this one would be crazy 😭 “technically i’m getting paid to get closer to them so it won’t matter if i let them make me cum right” typa sex idk

also. maybe y/n’s getting cornered in an alleyway by some creep and as she’s about to try and strike andrew and ashley save her! and that’s where the attraction starts because she’s like “wait.. they kinda have morals.. like kinda”

— now hear me out i might b cooking w this. rock band au. ashley does drums, andrew guitar, y/n something else maybe singer bc she’s a talented queen. and they’ve all been friends since childhood and ashley doesn’t really have a problem w y/n bc she hasn’t made romantic advances on andrew and occasionally lets the two hang out bc yk. ashley. anyways something something something idk

— i have one thing on my mind. catgirl + catboy ashley and andrew who both meet y/n as she’s their parents’ neighbor who’s smoking on her porch. and they approach her for some reason maybe andrew wants a cig and y/n is the funniest person alive so they both grow a liking to her

love love love catgirl ashley killing her victims and then poking them with her tail as andrew just stands there like wtf

[chickensarentcheap]

Lost and Found- Chapter 22

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Drummond (OFC. But you do not have to read the others in the series to understand this fic.)

Warnings: some profanity, angst

ALSO, IT'S A LONG ONE, FOLKS lol. Sorry.

*Includes Extraction 1 and 2 canon mentions

Tagging: @tragiclyhip @munstysmind @themaradwrites @youflickedtooharddamnit @secretaryunpaid @kmc1989 @thebejeweledwatercat @asirensrage @theesirenteller @residentdormouse @arrthurpendragon @ocappreciation @occommunity @karimac @alisbackalleybbq @ninjasawakenedmystar

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43179357/chapters/130239049

My tag list is OPEN. Please just let me know if you'd like to be added :D

****

He lounges in the room Millie shares with Abuela. Stretched out on his side and propped up on his elbow; watching as his daughter quietly and contently plays just mere inches away. The four-year-old clad in her choice of attire for the day; consisting of a red and black button-down shirt paired with extremely bright and bold leggings with cat faces splashed over every inch. Her hair loose and unruly; falling into her eyes and over her face as she kneels in front of a large plastic tote box. Holding a treasure trove of belongings that Yaz had managed -after he and a small team had successfully broken in- to gather from Alessio’s home. Her entire collection of GI Joe dolls and My Little Ponies, more art and craft supplies, and a handful of Barbies and accessories.

“Tyler?”

He helps himself to one of the wine gums from the open carton that sits between them. Even in the midst of all of his prepping and immersing himself further in the role of mercenary, he had taken the time out when she’d requested his attention. Unable to resist that tiny voice, that hopeful smile, and those brilliant blue eyes. “Yeah?”

“Do you think that Barbie…” Millie holds up her favourite doll; baring beautiful dark skin and shimmering black hair and wearing a sparkling gold mini dress. And a matching pair of impossibly high heels. ”...THIS Barbie…would like GI Joe?”

“Which GI Joe are we talking about?”

“This guy!” She picks up the action figure in question; tall and muscular with blond hair and green eyes, clad in his fatigues. “He’s my all-time fave! The rest are just…I dunno…too basic for my best Barbie.”

“Basic?”

“Momma says that, in a nutshell, someone who is basic is VERY boring. Unoriginal. They don’t offer anything new. They can put you to sleep with how ordinary and vanilla they are.”

“She says that a lot about people?”

“Just the guys who try and date her. And you know what? She’s right. They’re basic as hell.”

Smirking, he pops the wine gum into his mouth.

Millie lowers her voice. “Momma actually calls them a bad word. Can I tell you what it is? Without getting in trouble? Or without telling her I said it?”

“I won’t give you any grief for it. And remember what I told you? About how snitches get stitches? Your secret’s safe with me.”

“She calls them ‘basic bitches.’” She dissolves into giggles, both hands covering her mouth, her eyes narrowed and sparkling. “Isn’t that hilarious? Basic bitches. It’s mean, but it’s funny too!”

“Does your mom date a lot? Has there been a lot of guys? Before Alessio? That come around?”

“No. Not really. Not a lot. Just a few. And momma didn’t date. They TRIED and date her.”

“Gotcha. So they ask her out and…?”

“And she always said ‘no’. That she wasn’t interested. She was nice when she told them that. She said just too busy with work and taking care of me. But once they were gone? She told me the real deal.”

“She told you? Or did you hear her telling someone else?”

“You’re good. You’re REALLY good. Don’t tell her that either, okay? That I spy sometimes? I hear things. Mostly when she’s talking to Auntie Nik on the phone or Facetime. Sometimes it’s Uncle Yaz. Mom thinks I’m asleep, but I’m really sitting at the end of the hall. She can’t see me if she’s in her room, and I’m hiding there.”

“This is when you lived in your old apartment?”

Millie nods. ”I LOVED that apartment. It was nice. Better than living at Alessio’s dumb-ass house. I wasn’t allowed to do anything there. I wasn’t allowed to make crafts because they were too messy, I wasn’t allowed to listen to music and dance, and I definitely wasn’t allowed to have a pet. I had a cat. Before we moved in with him.”

“Where’s the cat now?”

“Uncle Duey took her. Her name is Beatrice, but everyone calls her Bea. Like how my name is really Amelia, but everyone calls me ‘Millie.’ She’s super cute; she’s black, but she has white under her chin and near her nose, and she has white socks. We got her from the shelter.”

“You miss her?”

“I miss Bea all the time. She used to sleep with me. Every night. Right by my head. And she was a lot of fun! She would play fetch; I’d throw her favourite toy, and she’d run and grab it and bring it back to me! And she LOVED to sit in the window and yell at the pigeons that came on the balcony. I bet she would have grabbed ‘em and beat ‘em up if mom let her outside.”

“That wouldn’t have been good. What if they beat HER up?”

“Do you know who the Bowery King is?”

“I know a bit about him.”

“Momma and Uncle John know him. I only met him once. Momma took me to where he lives. He has tons of pigeons! And mom said if Bea ever got out and caught one of his birds? We would have been in big shit!’

Tyler gives a small chuckle. “I can imagine.”

“Uncle John said we would have been fine. He would have protected us. He would have told the Bowery King to take a hike! He didn’t say it like THAT, though. He said the ‘f word’. Do you know what word I mean?”

“I do. Very well. So about these guys your mom would date…”

She stares at him pointedly. And in those narrowed eyes and furrowed brow, he immediately sees himself.

“That tried to date HER,” he quickly corrects himself. “She didn’t like any of them?”

“I mean, I guess she liked them enough. To at least give them a chance.”

“What happened? Things didn’t work out?”

“She got bored with them. They weren’t interesting enough for her. And they all had boring jobs; lawyers and doctors and guys that work on Wall Street. Yawn city! And they weren’t even good-looking to make up for it! But there was one guy, though. That was pretty cool. I liked him.”

“What was he like?”

“He was super nice. He would always bring us takeout; pizza and Chinese and fried chicken and even tacos!”

“Everything is about food with you, isn’t it.”

“It’s my love language. It makes my tummy AND my heart happy. I don’t care if I get fat when I’m older. I’m gonna eat as much as I want. Whatever I want, too!”

“So this guy…”

“He used to take us to Rangers hockey games and to see the Mets play baseball. And sometimes, he’d take me places all by himself. We’d go to the movies and bowling and to the arcade!”

“Your mum was okay with that? Just sending you off with him!”

“She trusted him. He was a policeman!”

Tyler frowns. “He was a cop.”

“Not like a regular one. He wore normal clothes. Sometimes a suit and tie. And he would go to accidents and murders and stuff and ask people lots of questions.”

“He was a detective?”

“Yeah! That’s what he was! He was an alright guy, though. He was nice to me. And I think he REALLY liked mom.”

“Did he ever stay over?”

“Hell no! That’s a big no-no! Momma NEVER let that happen. She would always say that ‘Millie isn’t ready for that kind of thing’. And she was right. I didn’t want to see some guy walking around in his gitch first thing in the morning!”

“What happened? With your mum and this guy? She wasn’t into him?”

“She seemed like she was. They spent a lot of time together. It’s kinda weird, right? That he was a cop? ‘Cause momma’s job is totally illegal, and Auntie Nik is a criminal! Did you know that? That she was in jail?”

“I did know that, yeah.”

“Totally badass, right? But the guy? He found out the truth about what mom does for a living. And everything about Auntie Nik and Uncle Yaz. After that, he couldn’t date momma anymore. If he did, he’d have to arrest her.”

“That wouldn’t have been good.”

“No. But instead of doing that, he just decided not to see her anymore. He said he would pretend he NEVER found out the truth. That’s good of him, I think. ‘Cause then momma would have gotten in trouble, and I never would have seen her again. That would have made me really sad. Not to have my momma. And you never answered my question.”

“I forgot what it was.”

“Would my favourite Barbie like my favourite GI Joe?”

“What do you think?”

“Well, he seems nice enough. He’s definitely not boring. Like Ken. Ken is definitely what mom would call a basic bitch.”

“Yeah, he’s always been a drongo.”

“What does that mean? drongo?”

“Stupid. An idiot.”

“A dumb ass?”

“Basically. That’s what we call them. In Australia. Drongos.”

“Does everyone in Australia talk like you do?”

“Maybe not exactly like it. But we all have accents. They sound a bit different; depending on what area you come from.”

“And are there tons of cool words there? That you say different than us?”

“Way too many to count. Once you get settled, I’ll teach you all kinds of cool slang.”

“Will you teach me the swears too?”

“I don’t know about THAT.”

“Please? Pretty please? I want to learn the swears! I promise I won’t repeat them. Not in front of other adults or kids. And especially not in front of momma. It can just be for us!”

“We’ll see.”

“And am I really going to get to see kangaroos and koalas?”

“I get them all the time around the house. The koalas love the trees in the backyard. They’re always hanging out in them. You’ll have to be careful, though; they’re cute, but they can be nasty. Don’t go around chasing them and trying to pick them up, alright?”

Millie nods. “Momma said there’s lots of snakes there, too. Will we get to see those?”

“Sometimes they even get in the house. Then I have to grab them and take them back outside. Are you scared of snakes?”

“Nope. Momma is, but I’m not. I think they’re cool.”

“You can help, then. We get any in the house, you can be the junior snake wrangler.”

“Is it true that the spiders are the size of dinner plates? That’s what mom said.”

“They can be≥ d. They won’t hurt you, though. They’re huge and ugly, but they’re not dangerous.”

“I wanna see one. Really bad!”

“Tell you what, first one I have to relocate ‘cause your mom is threatening to burn down the house? I’ll let you hold it. Get you used to handling them. So you’re not freaking out when you see them wandering around the place.”

“So I’m not a ‘fraidy cat like mommy! When we lived in our old apartment, we’d get spiders! Just little ones, though. And daddy long legs. She was even scared of them! I’m the one who had to get them for her. And she would always want me to kill them! ‘Millie, get him! Squish him!’ Mean mom! But you know what I did instead? I saved a spaghetti sauce jar and cleaned it all out and that’s what I’d put them in. And then I’d take them outside and let them go!”

They lapse into a comfortable silence, and Tyler watches her as his little girl neatly arranges her toys and craft supplies in the bin; not having the heart to point out that all the transporting during their relocation to Australia would no doubt leave the bin in a disorganized mess. She hums while she works; a trait she’d inherited from her mother, and he’d both discovered and fallen in love with- during their year together.

Yet despite the similarities to Esme, he sees more of himself inside Millie than anything else. The identical profile -before his nose had been broken and left him with the bump in the bridge-, the same furrows in the brow, the brilliant blue eyes, the curve of the jaw line, the slim, slender neck, and long, almost gangly limbs. And it’s almost unsettling; sitting across from his ‘mini me’ with all their likeness and her resemblance in physical appearance, personality and likes and dislikes she shares with his son. Their love for drawing and crafts. Their care and compassion for animals. Their endless curiosity and love for life and everyone in it.

Sitting back on her heels, she shoves her hair out of her face “Tyler?”

“Millie?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You’ve been on a roll so far. I don’t see a reason for you to stop now.”

“It’s kinda personal. And touchy.”

“Personal and touchy for who?”

“Me. I might get emotional.”

“That’s okay. You’re human. Nothing wrong with being emotional.”

“I don’t want to embarrass myself. In front of you.”

“There’s nothing for you to be embarrassed about. It’s normal; to get emotional and show and talk about feelings. Even guys like me do it.”

“Really?”

He nods. “I didn’t do it for a long time. I was always scared to. And then I met your mum, and she taught me that it was alright to show that side of myself. To get angry and sad. To even cry sometimes.”

“YOU cry?”

“Everyone does. Or everyone should, at least.”

“And mumma taught you that?”

“Your mum taught me a lot of things. About myself. And about others and how to treat them. What do you want to ask me?”

Millie releases a long, heavy sigh as she steels her emotions. “Do you think he’ll like me? When he meets me?”

“Who is ‘he’?”

“My dad.”

His entire body tenses; throat and jaw tightening, stomach clenching.

Millie continues, not noticing his sudden discomfort. “My daddy lives really, really, REALLY far away. We’ve never actually seen each other. And momma said that when I’m a bit older, she’s going to take me to meet him. And I wanna meet him, but I’m scared. That he won’t like me.”

“Why wouldn’t he like you? What’s not to like?”

“What if he thinks I’m annoying? ‘Cause I talk so much? Or what if he thinks I’m too noisy and too messy and too bossy and that I need to go live somewhere else? Away from mom.”

“Did someone say all those things? About you? Is that why you’re afraid he will?”

“Alessio. He didn’t like me being around. He said I was ‘too much’. That I needed to be taught how to behave ‘cause mom obviously never bothered to do it. He wanted to send me away. To a special school. Where I’d have to live. Instead of with momma.” Her lower lip and chin wobble as tears sparkle in her eyes. “I don’t want to be away from momma. I’d miss her too much. I’d cry all the time.”

“No one is going to take you away from your mum. You’re going to stay with her. Until you grow up and you meet some nice guy and…”

“Or girl. It could be a girl, too. That’s okay, you know. If girls love girls and boys love boys.”

“...and you have little ones of your own. Then you’ll want your own space. To raise your family.”

“But somewhere close to mom. Real close. Maybe next door. ‘Cause I don’t want to be far away. What if I need her? Or what if she needs me?”

“Then you live as close as you can to her. But still be under your own roof. No one is going to take you from your mum. She’d never let that happen. I’D never let that happen.”

“He was mean. Alessio. Mom and him fought all the time. Is it my fault? That they did?”

“No. It’s not. And nothing that happened the other night is your fault, either. You know that, yeah?”

She nods.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t cause them to fight. They fought because your mum was sticking up for you. Because she would do anything to protect you. And he didn’t like that.”

“And because he’s a drongo!”

“He definitely is. A big fucking drongo.”

Clamping a hand over her mouth, she giggles at his words.

“And why would your dad not like you? What’s not to like?”

“Because I can be super loud. And messy. And a bit too much.”

“You’re four. You’re supposed to be loud and messy. And a bit too much.”

“So you think he will? Like me?”

“No. I don’t think he’ll like you. I think he’ll love you. How can he not? You’re his little girl. His baby. So unless he’s a complete asshole…”

“He’s not. Momma said he’s a really nice guy. And momma wouldn’t lie about that. If he was a jerk, she’d say so. And she wouldn’t take me to meet him, that’s for sure.”

“What else has your mum said? About your dad?”

“Just that he lived really far away and that he was a good person with a really good heart. That she wished things could have been different and that she never had to leave. It made her sad, you know. That she couldn’t stay. It made her cry. Talking about it. I don’t like it when mom cries. It hurts my heart.”

“Hurts my heart, too.”

“And she said she loved him. Very much. And that she always would.”

He noisily clears his throat in a desperate attempt to wash away the lump of emotion that threatens to choke him.

“Do you think he loves her? Still?”

“Maybe. You’d have to ask him that.”

“Can I tell you something?”

Tyler nods.

“I’m also scared that he’ll want momma back. ‘Cause we’ll be living with you. And you love momma, and she loves you, and we’re gonna be a family, right?”

“That’s what I want.”

“But what if he wants momma for himself? And you have to fight over her?”

“I’m not worried about that. I already know I’d win.”

“I don’t want to be away from momma, but I don’t wanna be away from you, either. I want to meet him, but I don’t want to live with him. I want to live with YOU. You wouldn’t let him take us, would you? You’d stop him, right? If he tried to force us?”

“He wouldn’t stand a chance. I’m not giving you or your mumma up. You guys are stuck with me.”

“If he doesn’t like me, will you punch him in the face?”

“If you ask me too. But you don’t have to worry about that. He’ll like you. He’ll LOVE you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“And you promise you won’t let him take us? To live with him? Like I said, I wanna meet him, not live with him.”

“You and your mom aren’t going anywhere.”

“What if mom goes? If she does, can I stay with you? I’m sure my dad’s a good guy, but he probably can’t protect me like you can. He’d probably be scared of the bad guys. And he’s probably not as awesome as you. With the cool hair and all the tattoos and stuff. I bet he’s not like that. At all.”

“You won’t know until you meet him. But even if he is cool, there’s no way he’s as cool as me.”

“Oh god…” Millie gives a dramatic gasp. “...what if it turns out he’s a basic bitch?”

“No one as awesome as you could ever come from someone that’s a basic bitch.”

“That’s a really good point.”

“Your dad is going to love you. Don’t ever doubt that. And don’t ever doubt how much your mum already DOES love you. There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for you, Millie. You’re her baby. You always will be. No matter how old you get.”

“Momma always wanted to be a mommy. Did you know that?”

“I do. We used to talk about it. And we used to talk about having babies. Together.”

“Really?”

Tyler nods. “We wanted to get married. Have a family. And then things fell apart, and we broke up.”

“But if you didn’t break up, she never would have met my dad. And I wouldn’t be here.”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Let’s just say that if something is meant to be, it’ll be. If someone is meant to be in your life, you’ll find your way back to them. No matter how long it’s been since you last saw them. And I haven’t seen your mum in a long time.”

“But you still love her?”

“I love your mumma very much. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And you know who else I love?”

The four-year-old shakes her head.

“You.”

Millie squeals when she’s scooped up and thrown high over his head; dissolving into giggles when he effortlessly catches her effortlessly and then tickles and lightly pinches her sides. He switches to pressing endless kisses over every inch of her face until she’s laughing hysterically; squirming and complaining that his beard is scratching her. And when he at last collapses onto his back, bringing her tiny body to rest on top of him, she wraps both arms around his neck. Noisily kissing each of his cheeks, and then beaming down at him.

“I love you, too.”

*****

After helping settle Millie for the night, he meets with Nik and Yaz in the former’s hotel room; slowly and meticulously going over his end of the extraction. Pouring over the blueprints of the hotel’s ‘bowels’ spread across the table as Yaz paces the floor; laptop in hand as he verbally rifles off pertinent information. Nik stands alongside Tyler; hunched over the papers, using a red marker to circle and isolate important spots on the map.

“The route will take you through a few different places,” Yaz announces, pausing his pacing in order to take a swig of coffee. “This is the order: secondary kitchen, boiler room, laundry facilities, and an underground bunker.”

Tyler uses the tip of his index finger to trace the path. “What’s the bunker? What’s the story of that?”

“It’s where Winston hides out during ‘intense situations,’” Nik explains. “It’s highly stocked; every handheld weapon you can possibly think of. And its corresponding ammo.”

Tyler smirks. “Something tells me it’s not your basic ‘shelter in place.’ I highly doubt he hangs out somewhere with concrete walls and bare lightbulbs.”

“It’s as luxurious and over the top as you’d expect from him,” Yaz pipes up. “He’s known to hold ‘executive meetings’ and talks with weapons dealers in there. It’s how we first met him. Years ago.”

“There’s no other way to the loading docks? That doesn’t take me right past his little hideout?”

Yaz shakes his head. “None. When it comes to the blueprints, what you see is what you get. Everything that is available to us is right there. There’s no secret passages, no hidden hallways, no indirect path. It’s this way, or no way.”

“And there’s no other options? When it comes to exits?”

“This is the safest route out of The Continental. There’s too much foot traffic if you go in any other direction. This is the only path that’s NOT heavily patrolled by security. And trust me, this place doesn’t just have regular, run-of-the-mill guards to keep things running smoothly and make sure people stay in line. They’re heavily armed. AND expertly trained. You take a different way and run into half a dozen or more…”

“Yaz and I have walked every possible path, documented every step,” Nik says. “None of them give you even the slightest chance of going unseen and unheard like this one does. It’s too risky any other way.”

“Can’t exactly go unseen and unheard if I have to go right past it. I’m leading her right to the wolves. If Winston is hanging out in there and he hears us…”

“It’s a secure room,” Yaz explains. “It’s essentially a vault; with walls thicker and more secure than anything you’d see at even the most high end of banks.”

“A bomb could go off right outside the door, and whoever’s inside wouldn’t even hear it,” his sister adds. “There is no way if he WAS holed up inside, that Winston would know you’re even out there.”

Tyler sighs. “Just the thought of taking her right past his doorstep…”

“This whole place is his doorstep,” Nik reminds him. “There’s no one hundred percent foolproof way to get out of here. In the end, it comes down to picking the least of the evils and just going with it. Hoping for the best.”

“That’s hardly reassuring. This isn’t exactly the job I want to resort to just ‘hoping for the best’. I can’t just cross my fingers and hold my breath and pray that everything’s going to work out. If it wasn’t so personal…”

“We wouldn’t have decided on this route if we had any other option. You know that we’d never put you at risk. That we’d…”

“I don’t care about me. This comes with the territory; putting my ass on the line. But taking her right into the lion’s den? And just hoping nothing goes wrong? That’s not good enough, Nik. That’s not NEARLY good enough.”

“If there were any other options, we would have found them. But this is it, Tyler. It HAS to be this way. There’s nothing else. It’s this way or no way.”

Heaving a sigh, he runs his hands through his hair and down his weary face. Stepping away, he pours himself a cup of coffee from the carafe on the window sill; his back to the others as he nurses his drink and stares into the night. And he finds himself marvelling at the neighbouring buildings; blazing pillars of light that climb high into the black canvas of sky. And in that moment, in a city of millions and in the midst of the hustle and bustle, he’s never felt so…done. Tired of the job and everything that comes with it; the danger and the unpredictability from one moment to the next. He finally feels ready; confident in the decision to -when the final mission is finished and the coast is truly clear- to walk away from it all. To concentrate on creating a normal life; pouring his attention and his energy into firefighting and running his own business. And being a husband and a father. Someone that Esme and Millie can rely on. Not just to protect them, but to provide for them.

Love them.

Nik joins him at the window, uncapping a bottle of water and taking a sip. “Talk to me.”

“About?”

“You’re unsettled. This isn’t like you. You’re usually focused. You have your head on straight. You never break a sweat. Now…”

“This isn’t a regular gig, Nik. You can’t expect me to act like it is.”

“I HAVE to expect it. In the same way YOU have to treat it like you would any job I give you. You can’t let your heart overrule your brain. It’s dangerous. Life threatening. If you start feeling too much…”

“How can I not? This is as personal as it gets. This isn’t just random people I’ve been hired to help. It isn’t my ex-sister-in-law and her kids. This is MY kid. And it’s Esme. MY Esme. These aren’t regular clients.”

“You have to treat them like they are. If you don’t…”

“I can’t just turn it off. Maybe six, seven years ago, I would have been able to. I would have been able to separate THAT Tyler from THIS Tyler. But now…”

“This was a bad idea. Getting you involved. And I told her that. That calling you was the worst thing we could do. That I had other people that could handle this sort of job and…”

“Calling me was the best thing you could have done. For more reasons than one.”

“We’re not going to talk about that. Now isn’t the time. Now…”

“You should have called me a long time ago. About Millie. You had every chance to tell me; that I had a kid out there. And the least you could have done was tell me Esme was alive. You have had every opportunity to put my mind at ease. To let me know that she was okay.”

“I already have explained. Why I did what I did. And I’ve already apologized. I’ve…”

“I don’t care about your apology. I don’t need you to keep saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ Remember when you gave me shit? For not telling you it was my ex-wife who hired me in Georgia? How you talked about not needing my apology but my trust? That should have went both ways. Because now? After everything you’ve done? Everything you COULD HAVE done? How am I supposed to trust YOU?”

She blinks, taken back by his honesty.

“I can’t do this anymore. Not even as a side gig. I can’t keep putting myself out there. Everything’s changed. The second Esme walked back into my life…”

“Don’t make any hasty decisions. Right now, you’re running on pure emotion. You’re…”

“She’s going to need me, Nik. And not like THIS. She doesn’t need mercenary me. She needs a partner and husband and a father to her little girl. And any kids that might come after that. She needs me home. Safe. She shouldn’t be watching me walk out the front door and then spending days…weeks…wondering if I’m going to walk back in.”

“You’re going to have all the time in the world to think about quitting. When this job is done and I’ve taken care of things here in the city, and there’s no more threat…”

“I don’t need any more time. My mind was made up the second I saw her. As soon as she walked into the room and I realized she was the one who hired me, that was it. I don’t need to think about it.”

“Is it what she wants? You walking away?”

“It’s what she deserves. This life? It’s not good for her. And it’s definitely not good for Millie. It’s time, Nik. This is it. No more. No more calling me and asking for favours. I’m done. And if that means you lose my number and forget I ever existed, then that’s the way it has to be.”

“That would never happen. Whether you work for me or not.”

“Esme and Millie have to be first. I made that mistake with Mia; putting the military before her and our boy. I’m not going to do it again. Not with Esme. Not with the love of my life. I lost her once. I’m not going to lose her again.”

“And you’ve talked about this? With her? You’ve…”

“We’re getting married. As soon as we can. Just something small. The two of us and Millie and a couple of witnesses. We have five years to make up for. We’re not going to waste any time.”

“And you’ll be happy? Giving this up? Entirely?”

“Maybe not at first. But it’s something I HAVE to do. I have a family now.”

“You’ve had a family all this time. Yaz and me and…”

“It’s not the same, and you know it. I have a daughter. I’m going to be a husband. And those are the two things I have to concentrate on. I need to give them a normal life. Away from all of this. They deserve better. From me.”

Sighing, she nods slowly as she considers his words)

“You’ll find someone else. That annoys you as much as I do.”

“Maybe that’s true. But I definitely won’t find someone that can do the job nearly as good as you.”

“Maybe it’s time for you to move on, too. Do something else with your life. Remember what you told me? In Austria? About how my entire life fit inside one little box? And how I should do something about it. Well, it’s taken me a couple of years, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“If anyone deserves a shot at a normal life…”

“And maybe you should take your own advice. You can’t tell me this is all you want. Being caught up in all of this. You can’t tell me this is the only kind of life that makes you happy? What about filling your own boxes? When are you going to start on that?”

A smirk tugs at the corner of her mouth. “I’m not taking personal life advice from you. Considering the mess you made of things by getting hooked up with Delaney…”

“I know I’m not the guy who should be talking. I don’t exactly have the best track record; when it comes to women and marriage and having kids. But this can’t be it. This can’t be all you want. And don’t even try and lie; I know when you’re full of shit.”

Managing a small laugh, she reaches out to rub his upper arm. “I hope it all works out for you. I hope you and Esme go on to get married and stay that way for a few decades. I hope you have more babies. And grandbabies. I hope you get your happily ever after.”

“So do I.”

“But for now, can we concentrate on other things? On what’s in front of us? Because none of that will happen for you if you don’t get Esme out of here. If that goes wrong…”

Tyler sips his coffee. “I’ve got…concerns.”

“About the plan? The route?”

“I’m not thrilled with having to take her that away; parade right past where Winston might be hanging out. But if there really is no other choice, I’ll make it work.”

“There Is no other option. Believe me, I would have given you one if there were.”

“It’s more than that. Something doesn’t feel right. Something ISN’T right.”

“In what way?”

“Winston’s been way too quiet. Since that sniper tried to take Millie and me out. He hasn’t come up to the suite once; to see how she’s holding up. Don’t you find that a little odd? Considering he calls her his granddaughter? You don’t find it strange that he hasn’t bothered to check if she’s okay?”

“It’s more than a little odd. Much more.”

“All he cared about was the room getting shot up. Us ‘making a mess’ of things. Bringing trouble here. Other than taking the time to try and reem you out…”

“He learned very quickly. That NO ONE speaks to me like that.”

“...he hasn’t made any attempt to contact Esme. And I know that should make me happy; considering he’s got some kind of fucked up old man crush on her…”

“It’s unsettling.”

“Very. He spent how many months keeping her safe here? After that adjudicator showed up at our place, and Esme took off? Better part of a year, yeah?”

Nik nods.

“Even after that, when she finally could go on with her life, he kept tabs on her. Made sure that no one was watching her or causing her trouble. And look how fast he came to the rescue this time. When she and Millie needed a place to hide out.”

“He isn’t just seeing her as a daughter. I’ve always said it; that the way he feels goes far beyond what a parent would feel for a child. It never sat well with me; how much he doted on her and needed to be around her.”

“It’s fucked up. Not just how he feels about her, but how far he’s willing to go to keep her here. Under his thumb. And away from me. Offering me the money to walk away, threatening me, having a sniper try and take me out…”

“We don’t know that was him. That organized that. We…”

“All of that, and now suddenly he’s disappeared? Gone silent? He doesn’t give a shit about her anymore? He hasn’t bothered to check up on her or Millie? It doesn’t make sense. Something isn’t right, Nik.”

“Is that your brain or your gut telling you that?”

“A bit of both.”

“I’ve already told you to listen to your instincts; that they’re very rarely wrong. And if something doesn’t feel right to you…”

“It feels FAR from right.”

“You think he knows what we’re up to? Do you think we might have a mole? That’s tipped him off?”

“It’s possible. He could be just lying in wait. For us to make a move. Is there anyone that you don’t trust? On the team? That sat in on the plans and might have shared the info?”

“I wouldn’t have them here if I didn’t trust them.”

“If he knows what we’re up to, we’re fucked. He’ll be on us before I even get Esme anywhere near the exit. And if he knows what day and time…”

“You’re thinking he might ambush you.”

“Not just him. If he does have a small army of these highly trained security people…”

“Should we change the date? The time? We can’t change the path. There’s no other route to take. And if we’re not out of here before the deadline he’s given us…”

“How comfortable do you feel going to him?”

“It’s pretty much the last thing I want to do, but…”

“What if I asked you to go and talk to him? Try and find out what he knows. See if you can convince him to give us some extra time?”

“Stay here even longer? Tyler…”

“Not actually stay here. But put it in his head that we’re going to, then leak a fake date and time. If he thinks we’re taking off then, that opens the door for the plan we already have. Puts him off our scent.”

“You think he’d fall for that?”

“I don’t know. But at this point, I’m willing to try anything. I HAVE to get her out of here. Without him knowing. Because if he catches on and tries to stop me…”

“If you kill him, you’re just opening up a whole new world of hurt for yourself. And for Esme and Millie.”

“If he gets in my way, I won’t have a choice. Because he’ll stop at nothing to keep her here. And I can’t let that happen. I can’t let him get his hands on her. She’s not his to have.”

“The High Table will come for you. If you kill him, they won’t let you have a moment’s rest. They will track you down. And what kind of life is that? Living with that fear?”

“I’m not scared of them.”

“You should be. Because they won’t think twice about using Esme or Millie to get to you. If you kill Winston and manage to get out of here, you will have a target on your back for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve had one on my back for years.”

“Not from THEM you haven’t. Why would you want to take that risk? Having The High Table after you? Why…?”

“He gets in my way, I will take him out.”

“Don’t do it, Tyler. You may not care about your life, but it isn’t just you anymore. Think about Esme. And Millie. They don’t deserve to live with that kind of fear. And they certainly don’t deserve to lose you. You just got Esme back. You just found out you’re a dad again. Why…?”

“If he doesn’t give me a choice, I’m doing what I have to. To get her out of here.”

“You won’t be safe anywhere. Wherever you run to, they’ll follow. They WILL find you. I’m warning you, Tyler. Don’t do it. Find another way. To deal with him. IF it happens. But don’t do THAT. Anything but that.”

“I can’t make any promises, Nik. Because if he tries to stop me or he hurts her in any way…”

“I am begging you NOT to do it. To not go that route. You can’t take it back. You can’t make things right. If you take him out, you’re signing your own death certificate. You know that, right?”

“I’ll do what I have to do. To get Esme out of here. And if they come for me…”

“Not if. When. WHEN they come for you.”

“Then I deal with it. I pay the price. But you gotta promise me one thing. If that happens.”

“I’m not putting my support behind this. I can’t. I can’t give you my blessing. Not for this. I’m sorry. I…”

“I want you to take care of them. Esme and Millie. Make sure they’re alright. If I’m not around to do it…”

“Don’t talk like that. Don’t…”

“Just promise me, yeah? You’ve done it before; made sure they were safe and taken care of. I’m sure you can do it again. Promise me, Nik. That if something happens to me and I can’t do it myself, you’ll take care of my family. For however long you have to.”

“Tyler…”

“Promise me. That Esme and Millie will be okay. That you’ll keep an eye on them.”

Nik relents. “I promise. But let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.”

“Yeah…” Sighing, he turns back to the window. “...let’s hope.”

******

It’s after midnight when he returns to the suite; quietly letting himself into the bedroom and then navigating the space by way of the moonlight streaming through the gaps in the curtains. Slipping out of his clothes and tossing them in the open suitcase near the window, he gingerly pulls the blankets back and slips in next to her. A hand on her stomach as he presses his front to her back; eyes closing as he buries his face in her hair and inhales deeply. Taking in that familiar scent. Desperately needing the comfort. The closeness.

“You’re making a habit of this,” Esme teases, her voice quiet, laced with sleep. And she pushes her fingers through his; giving an initial squeeze and then tightly holding his hand. “Coming to bed really late.”

“I’m sorry.” He presses a kiss to the nape of her neck. “It ran longer than I thought it would.”

“Everything went okay? There’s no major changes I need to know about?”

“The plan’s staying the same. I’m not hundred percent on board with it, but considering there’s no other options…”

“Nik wouldn’t take unnecessary risks. With either of us. If she’s adamant that this is the only way it can go…”

“I think I’m just being paranoid. If it wasn’t you and Millie caught up in all this, I’d just go with whatever idea Nik drew up. But seeing as it’s so personal…”

“But do you feel better about things? Then you did last night? Because that spooked me; you questioning everything and not having a lot of confidence in how it’s going to go down. You’re not like that. Not when it comes to the job.”

“This isn’t just any job,” he reminds her.

“You’re going to have to try and focus. You’re going to put your feelings on the back burner and just go with your instincts. Pretend that this IS just like any other job. Because that’s what I need from you. When the time comes. I need THAT Tyler.”

“I’m fucking trying, believe me. But it’s a lot easier said than done.”

“I trust you. To get it together. When it comes to work, you’ve always been able to shut everything else out. Maybe not get rid of it entirely, but at least put it on the back burner. You’re going to have to treat this like it IS just another job.”

“You have a lot of faith in me. You always have.”

“Well, someone needs to.” She rolls over onto her side, eyes briefly closing as he places a kiss on her brow). “How DID it go?”

“It went. We finalized things. And got some loose ends tied up.”

“So that means you’re more confident? About how things are going to go?”

“Yeah…” Leaning in, he nuzzles her temple with the tip of her nose and then pecks her cheek. “...much more.”

“Everything’s going to go nice and smooth,” she enthuses. “According to plan. We’re not going to have any setbacks, no one is going to fuck anything up, people aren’t going to get in our way. Things are going to be perfect and uncomplicated.”

“When did the roles suddenly reverse? Aren’t I normally the one trying to convince you?”

“I can admit, I am usually a touch neurotic…”

“That’s the understatement of the century.”

“...and you are usually the one talking me down off a ledge. But I feel good about this. I feel like everything is going to be fine. That we won’t have any roadblocks. We’ll just get the hell out of here…”

“While I want to share your optimism, when do things ever go smoothly? On the job?”

“I mean, I’ve had a couple of gigs that weren’t major disasters. They weren’t flawless by any stretch of the imagination, but…”

“Remember Dhaka? How easy we thought it would be? After I got a hold of Ovi? That we’d get him to the boat, and we’d be free and clear? Do you remember that?”

“Unfortunately, very well.”

“Believe me, I WANT this to go nice and smooth. No hiccups, no one getting in my way and trying to stop us from leaving. I want that more than anything. But you’ve said it yourself; these people don’t accept defeat easily. They’re not just going to roll over if we DO get out of her.”

“WHEN we get out of here,” she gently corrects. “WHEN.”

“I just don’t want you putting all your eggs in one basket. It’s good to be confident and optimistic, but…”

“It can lead to bad decisions. Stupid mistakes. You get too cocky…”

“Just err on the side of caution, yeah? That’s all I’m asking.”

“Are you asking or telling? Because if it’s the latter, you’re starting your bossiness a little early. I technically don’t have to listen to you until it’s ‘go time’.”

“Who are you trying to kid? You’re not even going to listen to me AFTER that.”

“I promise I will be on my best behaviour.”

“I know what your best behaviour is. And while it’s a step up…”

“I will be completely unproblematic. I will listen to every word the big, bad, mercenary man has to say.”

Grinning, he presses a feathery to the corner of her mouth. “You are so full of shit.”

“You just want to be the boss of me,” she chides and wraps both arms around his neck. “You don’t get to wear the pants very often, but when you do…”

“I wear the pants all the time.”

“You keep telling yourself that. Everyone knows I’m the one in charge. That I’m the boss. I just let you take over every now and then. Stroke your ego. Feed your masculinity.”

“You’re just a regular bleeding heart.”

“And, there are times I DO like you being all aggressive and assertive and bossy. You have to admit, it’s always at the best possible times. The naked ones. Not even you can deny that’s your favourite time to be in charge.”

“I’ll admit to nothing.”

“You don’t have to. The evidence speaks for itself.”

“What evidence is that?”

“I’d say eleven inches poking me in the stomach, or the ass is usually all the proof I need.”

“Eleven? Come on now…”

“Ten and a half? Ten?”

“You are really good for my ego.”

“We’ll have to get an official number. An accurate measurement. I’m sure we’ll be able to track down a tape measure or a ruler when we get to Australia. Inquiring minds want to know.”

“You’re an odd duck, you know that?”

“I like my weirdness. All my quirks and eccentricities. You’ve missed them. Over the course of the last five years. Admit it.”

“I have, actually. I’ve missed a lot of things.” Hooking a finger under her chin, he tilts her face upwards; covering her mouth with his in a long, soft kiss. So pure and beautiful; nothing hurried or aggressive, nor teeming with unbridled lust or overwhelming want and need. A kiss at its most innocent point: adoring, tender, languid. Yet somehow enough to curl her toes and take her breath away.

She gives a sigh when it ends, her eyes remaining closed when he rolls over onto his back; settling her much smaller, lighter frame on top of his.

For five years, she’d longed for this; the smoothness of his skin and the hardness of his muscles. The way his calloused fingers tip continuously skim up and down her spine, his familiar scent and the sound of his voice and how she is able to feel its rumbling deep within his chest. Desperately missing him nearly every second of every day; wanting nothing more than to pick up the phone and beg and plead for forgiveness and end up in his life and his arms and his bed once again. But it had always seemed so far out of reach; believing she was past redemption. Even if he could accept her running away, there was no way he’d ever forgive her for keeping his daughter a secret. Not after the tremendous loss he’d already suffered; still wracked with guilt, regret, and profound grief when it came to the death of his son.

****

“Did you talk to Millie?” His fingertips drift down her spine and briefly settle at the small of her back; a lone fingertip commencing the tracing of the elaborate tattoo that stretches from one hip to the other. “About going with Alcott.”

“I was going to do it tomorrow. Well, today now. After breakfast.”

“I want to be there. When you tell her. I mean, as long as you’re okay with that.”

“Of course, I’m okay with it. You’re her father.”

“Only she doesn’t know what, does she? She has no clue.”

“We’ve talked about this. About when we’re going to tell her. I thought we agreed that…”

“She asked me about him today. Her dad.”

“What do you mean she asked about him? She brought him up out of nowhere? Why did she want to know? What…?”

“She asked me if I thought he’d like her. When she got to meet him. Can you imagine being a little kid and wondering something like that? If your old man is even going to WANT you?”

“No. I can’t even begin to imagine that.”

“She’s four years old. And she’s asking stuff like THAT? She’s worried that she’s going to meet him and he’s going to hate her? Find her a nuisance? Think she’s too loud and too messy and…”

“A bit too much,” Esme finishes for him. “She said that to me once. When she asked about him. About YOU. She said she was worried he’d find her annoying. I just chalked it up to Alessio being a total prick to her. I didn’t think she really felt that way. About herself.”

“She’s just a little girl. And she's carrying around shit like that? How could you have him around her? How could you put her through it? Him treating her like that?”

“I didn’t have a choice. I was in the middle of a job, and if I let my guard down or he found exactly who I was…”

“You should have told Nik you wanted out. The second he started treating Millie like that. As soon as he tried breaking her spirit, that should have been it. You should have got the fuck out of there. She didn’t deserve any of it. Being treated like that.”

“I thought we weren’t going to do this.” Moving away from him, she slaps and shoves his hands away when he tries to prevent her from sitting up. “Not here. Not right now. I thought we were going to wait until we were in Australia and somewhat settled before we talked about all of this. I thought…”

Sitting up, he stretches out his legs and leans back against the headboard. “I can’t do it, Esme. I can’t pretend that everything’s okay. That I’m not pissed off. That I’m not hurt. Do you know what it’s like? When everyone around you has a bigger role in your own kid’s life? All people tell me about is what Millie was like as a baby, all the things that they’ve done for her and with her.”

“They’re not telling you those things to hurt you. They’re just sharing what they know about her. So you can get to know her better.”

“All I hear from people is how they’re her family.”

“It’s because they are. Maybe not a conventional one, but…”

“I’M her family. You didn’t make that baby alone. And I didn’t see any of them making that kid with you either. So unless there’s someone you’re not telling me about…”

“Don’t do that. Say shit like that. I know you’re upset. And you have every right to be. I’ve never once tried to take that away from you. Or tried to downplay it. But you have no reason to question whether or not she belongs to you. Just look at her! She IS you! From head to toe. You’re just lashing out and trying to hurt me, and you know exactly how to do it.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m…”

“Just admit it, Tyler. Just admit that there’s a part of you that wants to punish me. Make me pay for what I did to you. I’m not going to judge you or hate you for it. I get it, alright? I did a horrible thing; keeping Millie away from you. And you have every right to want to punish me for that.”

“No. I don’t. I’m not like that. I’m not that kind of person. I would never hurt you.”

“I see it in you, sometimes. I’ll catch you looking at me a certain way. And I’ll see it; all this hurt and anger that you’ve got built inside of you. So just tell me the truth. I’m a big girl. I know my mistakes. I admit to them. I own them. So don’t…”

“I don’t want to fight, Esme. That’s not why I brought any of this up. That’s not why…”

“If you didn’t want to fight, you wouldn’t have thrown Millie in my face like that. You don’t think I know how badly I fucked up? Bringing her into that kind of life? You think I don’t feel like complete and utter shit for what happened? What she went through? What she KEEPS going through? You think I like any of this? Having to hide here? Having to hire a fucking mercenary to get us out here and…”

“So that’s how you see me. That’s all you see me as?”

“I never said. Don’t put words in my mouth. I’ve never seen you as JUST that. It’s part of you, but it’s not ALL of you. And I’ve never once thought it was. Who was the one who always talked you down? Every time you’d mention that you did nothing but kill people for a living? Who was the one person that reminded you that you did so much more? Who always tried to convince you that you weren’t the monster you saw yourself as?”

“You.”

“I stayed on that bridge because you deserved a second chance. Because you made your amends. And selfishly, I stayed because I wanted more of you. I wanted more time. I wanted all those plans that we made; I wanted to travel and see the world and fall in love. With YOU.”

“It didn’t exactly go that way, did it.”

“No. It didn’t. But you know what? What we had was good. It was so good. It wasn’t perfect. But neither are we. We had what we needed, and that was enough. We were happy. Weren’t we?”

“We were.”

“I love you. I have always loved you. I always WILL love you. So don’t you ever accuse me of anything else. And never…and I mean never…try and tell me I don’t love my daughter. OUR daughter.”

“I would never say that.” He slides down the bed and reaches for her when she begins to cry; frowning when she pushes him away and stands. Moving to the table in front of the window and leaning back against it; sniffling noisily as she wipes at her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be honest. I need that from you, okay? I know you’re afraid of hurting me; it’s why you won’t just come right out and tell me how you’re really feeling or what’s really going on in your head. But I NEED that, Tyler. Because until you’re truthful about it, I can’t start to make amends. How can I move on and heal when you won’t even acknowledge what I did to you?

“I don’t understand why you need me to be angry. Why..?”

“Because it’s holding me accountable. For what I did. I don’t want you coddling me and holding my hand and patting me on the head and treating me like I’m some fragile little thing. Do you think I’m not going to love you? If you’re honest about everything? Is that what you’re afraid of?”

“I don’t know,” he admits, and swings his legs over the side of the bed. “I guess. Maybe? I don’t want you to think I hate you. Because I don’t. I never could.”

“I know you love me. I know it without you even having to say it. It’s in everything you do. It’s like those five years never even happened. The way you look at me and the way you touch and kiss me and make love to me. It’s like none of the bad stuff ever happened. And I don’t know what I did to deserve that. The way you feel about me. Or if I even DO deserve it. But I don’t question it. Sometimes it’s the only thing I’m sure of.”

“I just don’t see what good can come of it. Me just letting it all out. I don’t understand why you need me to be out there with it. Why can’t you just let me deal with this alone and…”

“That’s the old Tyler. The one that existed BEFORE me. He’s the one that died on that bridge. You’re not HIM. And you haven’t been him in a long time.”

“Maybe I went back to it. Being him. During the last five years.”

“There’s no way. Because you weren’t happy. Being that way. Being HIM. And you worked way too hard after Dhaka. To become better and DO better. There’s no way you’d go back to that.”

“I think you have way too much faith in me.”

“I think you don’t have enough. You would never go back to being like that. I know you. I know your heart. I know…”

“You don’t know a thing about my heart. And you know why? Because you broke it. You fucking tore it out of my chest and stomped all over it. And you expect it to be what it was before you did that?”

“If you were the old Tyler, you wouldn’t have stayed. When you found out I was the one that hired you. You would have turned around and walked out, and that would have been it.”

“I would have stayed. For Millie. I would have done it for her.”

“No, you wouldn’t have. It wouldn’t have mattered. Millie or no Millie, you would have left. The old Tyler? The one with the death wish? The one who didn’t give a fuck about anything except catching a bullet? He would have been long gone.”

“I would have never walked away from her. Even if I wanted to walk away from you, I’d never turn my back on my own kid. I did that once. I wouldn’t do it again. I learned the first time.”

“Is that why you’re here? Why you REALLY want things to work with us? Is that…?”

“I wouldn’t be sharing a bed with you and fucking you. Don’t insult me like that. I know I can be a real dick sometimes, but I’d never lower myself to that. And I would never use you. No matter how pissed off I am.”

“I was just asking. I was just…”

“I’m here because I love you. Because even though you ripped my heart out of my fucking chest and ruined my life, I still want you. In every way. And maybe that makes me a fucking idiot. Maybe I’m just pathetic. A simp. I don’t know. But I love you, and I never stopped loving you. Millie? She’s just this extra piece. This fucking amazing, beautiful, perfect piece.”

“She is pretty amazing, isn’t she.”

“I would never…EVER…accuse you of not loving her. I see you with her. Your entire face lights up when she walks in the room. And every time she hugs you or tells you she loves you or even just calls you ‘mummy’? To me, you’re beautiful all the time. But when she does those things? You’re the most beautiful I’ve ever seen you.”

“She’s my baby. I had wanted to be a mom for so long. And you gave me the chance. You gave me HER. And I could thank you enough for that. For giving me her. Because aside from you, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I know you love her. More than you love yourself. More than you love me. And that’s how it should be. You’re an amazing mum; no one could ever deny that. Or say anything different. Everything you’ve done for her; taking care of her on your own, keeping her safe, managing to bring up this awesome little human. You know how many women wouldn’t have even had her? Considering the circumstances?”

“There was no way I wasn’t going through with it. She was my connection to you. My ONLY connection.”

“Thank you, Esme. Maybe that sounds weird; considering I AM angry and I AM hurt. But thank you. For her. I know it wasn’t the most conventional of ways to find out I’m a dad. But still. Thank you.”

“Please don’t say that. Not after everything I did. Please don’t…”

“She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t have gotten a second chance at this; at being a dad. It’s just the truth.”

Sniffling, she uses the bottom of her t-shirt to wipe away her tears. “You’ve always been nothing if not honest.”

“You broke us. What we had? You destroyed that. And you’re right; it wasn’t perfect. But it WAS good. It was so fucking good.”

“And now? You don’t think it’s good NOW? You don’t think we can get back to that?”

“I don’t want to go back to that. I want to be BETTER than that. We’re not those same two people anymore. We’ve both changed. Mostly for the better, I like to think. Do you want that? For things to be even better?”

Esme nods. “That’s all I want.”

“Then just look at me and tell me why. Why did it have to get to this? Why did five years have to go by? Why…?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”

“That’s not an acceptable answer for anyone over seven, and you know it.”

“I was scared. I was selfish. I was so worried about being rejected. And I couldn’t get past that feeling. That fear.”

“I never would have rejected you. Or her.”

“Logically, I knew that. But sometimes, logic isn’t an easy thing to come by.”

“How could you do that to me? Leave like that? After everything we’d been through. After nine months in that fucking hospital. Three quarters of a year, you stayed there. You fought for me. You were the only one who didn’t give up. And then you go and do something like THAT? Just leave?”

“I wanted to protect you. You’d already been through so much. You shouldn’t even have been alive. But you WERE. And I didn’t want it on my conscience; losing you because of something I did.”

“You didn’t do anything. You thought you were in the free and clear. You were told that you were. Long before you met me. It wasn’t your fault; that The High Table went against their own ruling and came for you. You know that, yeah?”

“I think I do. I think I know that.”

“Why didn’t you just give me a chance? To get you out of that fucking mess? I would have done anything to protect you. If that meant packing up and moving thousands of miles away and hiding out? I would have done it. And if they found us, we would have packed up and found somewhere else to hide. Other people could have dealt with it. The bullshit here.”

“I didn’t even think of that at the time. I was more worried that you’d try and go against them. Physically.”

“Esme, I knew my limits. I was clinically dead a year before. Do you really think I thought I stood a chance against The High Table? Alone? I know I’m not the smartest guy on the planet, but give me SOME credit.”

“You always said you’d do anything for me. To keep me safe. Why wouldn’t I think that?”

“If you had told me what happened…with The Adjudicator…we could have talked about all of this. Avoided you taking off. But you didn’t even give me a chance.”

“I just wanted to protect you.”

“And I love you for that. For thinking you had to. But you didn’t just ruin my life when you left. You ruined yours, too. That’s not protecting me. You should have known that’s the last thing I would want. Hurting yourself like that.”

“It’s just such a mess,” she tearfully laments. “A big fucking mess.”

“And if that wasn’t bad enough? You couldn’t even let me know that you were alive. That something horrible hadn’t happened to you. Do you know what’s been going through my head? For five years? The horrible, gross shit it came up with? Even if you didn’t want me back, the least you could have done was let me know you were alright.”

“I fucked up. Badly. I’m the first to admit that.”

“And then you got Nik and Yaz involved. They’ve had to lie for you. Do you really think that was fair? Getting them tied up in this shit? All you had to do was let me know you were alright. You didn’t have to drag it on. Make things even worse.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. I thought I was keeping you safe. I had the best of intentions. I did. But…”

“Even after things settled? And there was no trouble? You still thought there was a reason to keep me safe?”

She shakes her head. “That was just me being a stupid, selfish bitch.”

“You should have told me about Millie. You know everything about me. Every ugly, deep, dark secret. I’ve never hid anything from you. Especially when it comes to my son and what I did. I was always honest about that. Right from day one. In Dhaka. And you knew I wanted to be a dad again. We talked about it. Having kids. I was scared shitless, but I was willing, wasn’t I?”

Esme nods.

“And yet you kept her from me. For five years. You knew I wanted another kid. That I wanted a chance to do things right. Yet you couldn’t even tell me about her.”

“I didn’t do it to hurt you. I WAS going to tell you. I was going to bring her to Australia. Right to your doorstep. After this job was done…”

“It shouldn't have taken this long. You know there was no reason… REAL reason…to keep her from me. Were you scared? The fact you had a kid with a mercenary? One that’s burned a lot of bridges and…”

“No! That never even crossed my mind. I knew what you were. It was never a secret. I knew what you did for a living. It’s how we MET. And I never once worried about you being her dad.”

“So it was just you being scared. Of being rejected.”

“That’s all it was. I’m telling the truth, Tyler. I know I kept a lot of secrets and I’ve told a lot of lies, and I even made a living out of doing things. But I am telling you the truth. That is the ONLY reason.”

He nods slowly, considering her words. “I believe you.”

“I am so sorry. For everything I’ve done. For hurting you like I did. And I know I can’t go back in time and change it, but…”

“No. You can’t. And I wouldn’t even ask you to. Change one thing, it changes everything. I’ve always said that.”

“...but I can spend the rest of my life making up for it. Or at least trying to.”

“You don’t have to. I don’t want you holding onto this for forty, fifty years. Or more. That’s not what I want.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you. I want US. I want to get married. As soon as possible. I want us to raise Millie together. Be a real family. That has normal jobs and fairly normal lives.”

“That’s what I want, too. I want you to be my husband. I want you to be able to be Millie’s dad. Not have to hide it. I want us to have a home and a nice little backyard with chickens and goats and…”

“And more babies. I want more babies.”

“How many more? I do have to draw the line somewhere.”

“I don’t know. Three. Four.”

“You just want to wreck my vagina, don’t you. You’re determined to do it.”

“Why would I ever want to ruin my favourite part of you?”

She gives a derisive snort.

“I’m kidding.” He holds out a hand; a silent request for her to join him on the edge of the bed. And he gathers her close when she sinks down beside him; both arms wrapping around her tiny frame as he drops a kiss on the top of her head. “It’s not my most favourite. Second favourite, maybe…”

Laughing, she playfully elbows him in the stomach, then tilts her face up towards him. “Do you feel better? Getting all that out?”

“Shockingly, yeah.”

“Me too.”

He kisses her softly; the long and languid press of closed mouth upon closed mouth. “I meant what I said. Five years ago. When I told you that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

“I’ve never doubted it.”

“I will get you out of here. Away from this place. This life. And I’ll stop at nothing to make that happen.”

“I believe you.”

“You’ll never have to think about it again. It’ll just be us. And Millie. We’ll make a new life. The one we were supposed to have. Before this all happened.”

Smiling, she presses a series of feathery pecks along his jaw, then rests her head on his shoulder. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

[golddragon387]

Fanfic 20 questions!

Thank you to my brainrot bestie, my comrade in delusion, @resplendent-chungus for tagging me.

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

12 at time of writing, which is certainly more than nothing!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

72,197. Again, non-zero!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

That I've published, RWBY and Steven Universe. That I haven't... Miraculous Ladybug, Sunless Sea, Dark Souls, Discworld, Samurai Jack, Fullmetal Alchemist, Fire Emblem, the Locked Tomb...

A lot of things I've had thoughts on, I've written down those thoughts in prose somewhere. Maybe I should dust some of those off and share them. Hm.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Drabble Roulette (Steven Universe) is in my number 1 spot, but seeing as it was a shortfic collection I took part in with several friends, I'd hesitate to call it mine. With apologies to Chungus; we all did a short fic every week based on the same one-word prompt, and God we kicked ass.

Stress is Bad for the Baby (RWBY) is my number 2; it's a fun little oneshot where Yang crashes her airship while out on a mission and calls Blake, who is on maternity leave and antsy, about it.

Sleeping In (Steven Universe) is my number 3, a oneshot based on that "wake up sleepyhead" vine which I though was funny at the time. I'd still stand by it, even if the prose isn't exactly up to my current standards.

You Can Always Call On Me (Steven Universe) is my number 4, this one is (surprise surprise) a oneshot, which was based on my (at the time positive) reaction to the sequel series, SU Future. ...We'll just say there's a reason I stopped writing for that fandom after the finale, and leave it at that.

There is a Hell (RWBY) finishes out my top five, and is a fanfic of a fanfic, written for my aforementioned good buddy Chungus. give it a read, after you've read the fic it's based on, I Can Almost Hear the Hounds, then yell at us in the comments! We appreciate it!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yeah. I like attention and I like talking about the thing I made with the people who read it. I comment on the things I read too, when I've got the energy.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The aforementioned There Is A Hell, for sure. Pure Whump. Nobody is having a fun time at castle Evernight.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Shit, I don't know... the majority of my stuff is oneshots, so there's like four angsty ones and six happy ones, I think? This question is better for someone more prolific.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes and it is also unpublished. We'll see if that ever leaves the Mind Hole, too.

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

One of my unpublished WIPs is a massive crossover shoving the RWBY characters into basically the plot of Star Wars, featuring Ruby as Luke, Yang as Han but with Leia's personal history, Blake as Leia but Han's personal history, Weiss as a very reluctant imperial traitor, and Salem as the evil Emperor of the Galactic Empire. It's planned to cover the equivalent of the Original Trilogy. I really don't want to publish it until at least the New Hope-equivalent is done.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, not popular enough for that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

See above.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, though I've made overtures to a couple of friends but aside from the prompt roulette fic mentioned above, it's never panned out.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I'm not a huge ship guy... I'd call Connie & Steven from Steven Universe a very formative ship for me, however, and Ruby Rose & Penny Polendina from RWBY is the biggest thing I'm into right now.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Gosh, what isn't, for me? I have more words in unfinished, unpublished works than I do published ones by an order of magnitude. The big one, though, is a little something I like to call Another Stranger Me. Let's do the time warp again, baby.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Word choice/diction, and flow. I love prose and I love writing prose.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing what I start. Help me ADHD medication, you're my only hope...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Not fluent enough in anything to be confident in it, though I don't usually mind it when I read, if it's done right.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Steven Universe, yup.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Out of my published stuff? So Much For Stardust (RWBY). Now that's what I call an angsty oneshot!

Thanks again to chungus for the tag. Since I see mercy got you, I guess I'll tag... ah, @h-a-d-i-t-h-i, @loveluckylost, and @tunafishprincess. Have fun, gang!

[cordsycords]

tag game: ao3 and fic writing

Tagged by @lemon-tart-221! thank you!

How many works do you have on ao3? 41

What's your total ao3 word count? 292,855 (not counting any collab fics that i've contributed to)

What fandoms do you write for? I am currently writing for Good Omens. I have previously contributed to: LA By Night, Critical Role, RWBY, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Once Upon a Time, The 100, and The Magnus Archives

Top five fics by kudos:

ok these are all critical role fics, because they've been around the longer than most of my other fics, and 2017 was the time when i actually started to get good at writing. this is also when i started writing smut.

you make me feel (mighty real)

undisclosed desires

killer queen (guaranteed to blow your mind)

kiss kiss, molly's lips

ribbons, string, and pretty things

Do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to respond to everything i get. I will admit at one point (like... 6 or 7 years ago) i used to feel that replying to comments was like... distorting the data? like artificially inflating comment counts, and i decided that I wouldn't do that so i never replied. That was dumb.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? it's probably we can just kiss like real people do? though i would say the angsty ending isn't my fault, it's canon's fault.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i'm going to shamelessly plug but i still want more even though it's not fully posted yet. the final chapter is just.... so joyous. i'm really proud of it.

Do you get hate on fics? Exactly once. And it wasn't on AO3, it was on FF.NET i was cross-posting Unlikely Contact to both websites at the time, and someone was Big Mad about the power dynamics between Shepard and Garrus which is like.... wild to me.

Do you write smut? hell yeah i do

Craziest crossover: LA By Night x Dragon Age

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Hopefully not

Have you ever had a fic translated? no

Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! i got in on the big GOAD CYOA fic

All time favorite ship? I mean, the current brainrot is Good Omens, but i tend to cycle through ships every few years or so. the GO fandom is really cooking right now though, so this might last a while.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oof. I have 6 WIPs on AO3 right. One is a complete fic that is being posted over time. Another one I have promised myself i will finish even if it kills me. The other four are probably never going to get done. I also have been cleaning out my google drive lately, and there's a few things on there that just got sent to trash.

Anyways, i always talk about revisiting Unlikely Contact, because i think the premise was good, and I think I'm a better writer now. But, again, it will probably never happen.

What are your writing strengths? I think I write good character dialogue. At least i hope i write good dialogue, considering how much time i spend agonizing over the way characters talk. I also think I'm good at portraying complex emotions, especially when those emotions are entwined with smut. I also just like my prose. It's a little over-the-top sometimes, i think, but i spend a lot of time writing technical stuff for my job, which is so fucking dry, so i might as well treat myself with some purple prose.

What are your writing weaknesses? Writing anything longer than a one-shot. Or even just writing one-shots. My delusions of grandeur outstrip my ability to commit to a project for any prolonged amount of time. I cannot write anything over 2k words in a decent amount of time, but everything i want to write requires more than 2k words. Do you see the problem here?

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I think it makes sense in the context where one person doesn't understand what the other is saying. And it's also best used sparingly, and if it isn't, then make sure you have the translations easily accessible. Basically, I don't want to be faced with an entire block of text I can't read unless there's a point to it, or the author finds some other way to make it engaging. Again, with the example of someone not being able to understand the language being spoken, you could add description of the POV character trying to figure out what's being communicated to them via body language, tone of voice, etc. Maybe they can speak a bit of the language and they have to piece everything together using context clues. I think that'd be an interesting way to provide depth on your POV character.

First fandom you wrote in? I would say technically Dragon Age. I never posted anything, but there were word docs on an old computer when i was 14.

Favorite fic you've written? it's still we can just kiss like real people do. It will never be my most popular fic, mainly because the fandom it's written in is tiny, but i love it a lot.

a lot of the GO fic people i follow have already gotten this (i think) so i'm just going to tag @canadiankazz because they are a legend in the LA by Night fandom (and followed me recently, hello again kazz!)

[tscritical]

Hello there 👋🏻

I left the sanders sides fandom and blocked every tag just short of four years ago, just after the release of DWIT. Now, there is no obligation for you to answer this ask, but if you feel up to it, think you could fill me in on everything that’s gone down? Has there really not been another ‘proper’ episode since then? Like I said, you aren’t obligated to answer. It just, seems like there’s been a lot. Thought it would be easier to ask someone. Thanks for your time.

im putting this under a read more cos. shit gets extensive

ok so here’s the shitty rundown:

if you remember, at the end of dwit virgil confessed to having been a “dark side” in the past, and thomas didn’t seem to take it well

the next episode was a sanders asides, which is basically,, shorter videos that were promised to give us more content (lie)

in this asides, thomas found out his friend was like. an ex homophobe. and somehow that’s a parallel to virgil having been a dark side??? ok

basically thomas realized he needed to accept virgil for everything he was, including his past. but they couldn’t come up with a better allegory. so it’s apparently canon that thomas thinks of dark sides as being the same as. ex bigots. idfk

about a year later, the svs redux came out. oh boy

thomas got back from the wedding, sang a song with patton and roman about how it sucked because lee and mary lee didn’t drop everything to spend time with him instead of. celebrating their fucking wedding. thomas basically said “wahhh why won’t lee and mary lee talk to me instead of focusing on themselves at their own wedding 😡😡😡😡” which like. whatever i guess

they debated on whether it would’ve been better to discuss the wedding vs callback decision with lee and mary lee beforehand and patton was like “but they may have been sad if you picked the wedding, and they would’ve been sad if you picked the callback” blah blah

logan came in as a pixelated pop up (called “logans lowdowns”) and was like “im gonna give helpful information via text box” and no one bothered to read them cos they’re jerks (I DID. MY REACT VIDEO PROVES IT. real logan stans read the text and then had to rewind the video to hear the other dorks jshdjdjfjf)

ultimately patton ended up suggesting that thomas should sacrifice himself for others. and also he should only take care of himself in emergency situations. and he turned into a frog

oh yeah and then deceit popped in and was like “patton you’re being a little extra” and explained that if you only take care of yourself in emergency situations, you won’t be nearly as equipped to handle it as you would be if you. you know. utilized self care a more reasonable amount

then roman was like “shut up deceit” and deceit was like “my name is janus” and roman was like “shut up janus, also that name is stupid” and janus was like “well you’re the evil twin so suck on that”

im doing a bad job of explaining the tension but holy SHIT this video…

anyway, after the redux was flirting with social anxiety, which is another asides. it’s an animatic because covid prevented thomas from actually going to the mall but anyway

thomas went to the mall having one mini moral crisis after another, until he saw a cute guy he wanted to talk to. but virgil was like “hell no” and roman was like “hell yes” and they basically spent the entire video arguing over whether it was a good idea to approach a stranger (regardless of how cute said stranger was)

ultimately, thomas and the stranger, nico flores, managed to get to talking, and they really seemed to hit it off! thus followed a really cute end credit scene back at the apartment, i really recommend watching that part on its own i fucking love it

the next episode was the third and final (so far) asides, in which thomas has sought help from logan in basically getting his life together, starting with cleaning his apartment

throughout the endeavor, thomas tries to follow the plan logan helped him get together in order to get it done, but remus has plans of his own. with every step thomas takes, remus puts a bear trap in his path. you know. metaphorically

oh yeah and the subplot is that thomas texted nico something stupid and he hasn’t responded and thomas is like “pls god why” probably because he’s worried he scared nico off (i can’t remember what the text said but i think it was cringe? idk hsjdhdj)

logan is trying to help thomas work through his intrusive thoughts… hence the title of the video jsjdjfkfk but remus is pretty relentless. finally, logan approaches remus and is like “what the fuck dude” and remus is like. well y’all know what remus is like akdjkdjfkf

remus starts ignoring logan and logans eyes glow orange and he’s like “STOP IGNORING ME” and remus is turned on or something and he’s like “but who do you really wanna scream that at?”

nico calls thomas and is like “wanna look at art?” and thomas is like “hell yeah” and leaves in the middle of cleaning which makes logan sad and ill kill thomas for making logan sad /j (there was also ominous vague foreshadowing from janus eating an apple in a tree or some shit idk)

then there’s the five year anniversary shit. which is like. pointless skhddkjf it’s basically thomas asking the sides shit about the series and it’s mostly fluff until you look into it. pretty much on the surface level kahdjdfjfk

i don’t remember it well i only watched it a couple times so

im not gonna talk about can plushies improve our health it makes me too mad

then the last video in the sanders sides playlist is the over the garden wall cover which i recommend simply because thomas/janus’s voice is so good and the vibes are so soft i cant

and there ya have it. you’re caught up now. now i have a question for you; what the FUCK do you mean, “four years ago, just after the release of dwit”. that was two years ago you are lying to me /j

[firstmatedville]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by my wife @dxppercxdxver (although I really don't consider myself a fic writer these days lmao)

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

5 (and 2 orphaned)

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

22,856

3. what fandoms do you write for?

considering I have at maximum 2 fics per fandom. you could say none! although my most popular fics were broadchurch and good omens

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the first is an orphaned batman/joker fic (does anyone remember that era of this blog? I'm so sorry lmao)

she - broadchurch

i love to live so pleasantly (lazing on a sunny afternoon) - good omens

Blueberry - IT (2017) (an incredibly cringe fic I wrote as a teenager for the love of god please don't read this)

i just want to be held (by your cold hands) - broadchurch

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

occasionally! if there's something that like. needs a response I do try to give them but otherwise I am very bad at getting back to comments. I do read and appreciate them all though!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's the IT one tagged above lmao due to the like. 15/16 year old me projecting. I'm not very good at writing angst!

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably either of the broadchurch fics due to. trans joy and also gay domesticity

8. do you get hate on fics?

not actively? during my batman/b*tjokes years (bearing in mind I was about 14) I used to get occasional hate on tumblr due to trans/gay headcanons but that wasn't necessarily fic related. I also once had a pretty big b*tjokes writer comment on an old fic (like three or four years after I'd written it, when I was no longer In The Fandom) claiming I'd stolen their ideas and needed to either remove my work or credit them despite. only having read a few of their works very briefly. the work of mine in Question being a prompt fill. and me just following a lot of the trends of the fandom at the time? like sorry you don't actually have a trademark on hurt/comfort sick fics buddy it's a Fairly Popular Concept. anyway yeah that's about it.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

nope <3 I've never tried and frankly I don't think I'd be very good at getting any ideas I have Across in a way that reads as sexy or hot enough to warrant actually writing it lmao

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think I've fully written or published any crossovers, however! every character I've ever liked has been thrown into a killjoys au in my brain at one point or another (including but not limited to: the scooby doo gang, the penumbra pod gang, the eos 10 gang, Cecil and Carlos wtnv, ect). myself and jon plotted a whole magnus archives/mst3k au that I Wish one of us had written, and another mst3k/the mechanisms au that started as a joke and become so insanely important to us it sincerely helped us get together as a couple. we also had an overall eos10/penumbra podcast crossover that I personally never wrote anything for but I think jon Started some unpublished fics that never got finished.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not as far as I know!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

again, i dont beliebe so, but people are more than welcome to do so as long as im credited ofc

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I class at least the first of my broadchurch fics as partially co-written with Jon bc he was a Huge Help in that fic getting written, and as you might be able to tell from above we've Plotted a lot of fic ideas together (another includes a very goofy villain-decay bill cipher gravity falls fic) but basically none of them ever actually get written

14. what’s your all time favourite ship?

argh I can't choose one all time favourite. jonmartin themagnusarchives are insanely dear and important to me, jongerry / jonmartingerry are closely behind that. poly scooby doo gang. vince/howard from the mighty boosh. these are all just sentimental ships if I'm honest. also I became ridiculously attached to mine and Jon's crackship of jonny d'ville themechanisms / Mike mst3k

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

honestly I'm kind of past the point of hoping to get back into writing due to. complete lack of willpower. but I wish I'd gotten round to writing the third trans Hardy fic I had planned at one point </3

16. what are your writing strengths?

idk!! I think I'm good at capturing like. very specific moments of domesticity and comfort. and I think when I'm imagining A Scene I'm quite good at getting the vibes of that scene across. but other than that I'm really not sure

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

oh god uhh. actually writing. linking scenes together. Plot other than just vague "here's two characters hanging out and existing". the list goes on

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I've actually attempted it myself? due to most characters I've written have been. incredibly British. I will say a pet peeve of mine in Reading a fic is when it is a fic in 99% English that'll have a large chunk of dialogue in another language, without a translation available somewhere for it. like a word or two is fine but if there's some actual plot in there and you're expecting me to Google translate it, that feels kind of the same as when subtitles simply say (speaking french) or whatever instead of Telling Us What They're Saying

19. first fandom you wrote for?

embarrassingly and horrifically. h*rry p*tter (I was 11)

20. favourite fic you’ve written?

it has to be she simply due to the Amount of trans love and support I got to hear about in the comments of that fic :,)

I'm not tagging anyone bc to be completely honest I don't remember which of my mutaks actively write <3

[violasmirabiles]

@someguywriting tagged me to list five favorites out of my own fics, thanks for the tag <3

(First of all a disclaimer, all but one of these have only been posted in Finnish because my main fandoms -- The Unknown Soldier and Under the North Star -- are pretty exclusively Finnish, and idk if I will ever translate them to English. I might! Who knows! It pisses me off how much Google Translate hates Finnish (fucks up the pronouns every time which might be the single worst thing, like if you look up a sentence that has a pronoun in it the ONLY alternate translation for that sentence will be the exact same thing but with a different pronoun, occasionally translates people's names literally, badly, unnecessarily, and wrong, cannot handle dialects at all). Plus there are a few English-speaking people in the Unknown Soldier fandom, and I happen to own not one but TWO different English translations of the Unknown Soldier because I’m so incredibly normal (lie) about it!! but I seriously doubt it’ll happen any time soon. BUT ANYWAY)

1) Hauntings. This is the first fic I posted in English. It's about Dan Torrance (my dearest darling, Blorbo even), Abra Stone, and the hugely traumatic moment in Doctor Sleep's climax where Dan almost kills Abra with his bare hands thinking she's Rose the Hat. It's inspired by a seminar paper I wrote in 2022 that eventually turned into my master's thesis. I was ridiculously nervous about writing and posting this, which feels a bit silly, but I just didn't have the kind of routine to Writing Fic In English™ that I have now and idk my brain made it weirder than it needed to be. (It goes the other way around in Finnish -- I know I can write decent essays but ohhhhh my GODDDDD it always starts out so sticky and slow and awkward. But it always gets easier after the sticky part. And now that I've been writing more fics in English, that's gotten a lot more natural too.) ANYWAY I got so into writing that seminar paper that even after I turned it in (a week late, running on no sleep and two ADHD medications) I was just. Sitting there vibrating because for the first time it felt like I might actually complete my degree, and also because of Blorbo Thoughts. I wrote this a couple of days later when I was feeling a bit less insane and, you know, had slept, and I really really like how it turned out. Family of all time.

2) Runoilija. Okay here we go. This is an Under the North Star ficlet. This is also the first ever Finnish-language work on AO3 with the Nonbinary Character tag (there are four in total, all written by me). This is the most personal fic I've ever written, but even just textually I think this is one of my most beautiful works. As someone who is Not Neurotypical and Very Not Straight, there's no fucking way the character this fic is about wasn't intended to be neurodivergent and queer. Though, obviously, since the Under the North Star trilogy was published between 1959 and 1962, and the character lives in the early 1900s, that... is not how he’s described. More of a "yeah he's weird but he's harmless, that's just the way he is". Importantly, his attitude to girls™ is described as "genderless" and obviously that particular word choice was what made me go HMM WHAT IF. The theme is basically "having no vocabulary for your gender experience is something that can really be so personal" and to make it super extra personal to me I made the character have an "oh" moment while learning English and finding out about gender-specific pronouns, which are not a thing in Finnish (though gender binary certainly is. Languages are cool and these things are complicated).

3) Ateenalaiset. The whole entire verse, really, but the original fic especially. It's an Unknown Soldier fic about the universally hated but Very Competent officer and the young idealistic approval-seeking officer (and the idealistic officer's fiancée) that I first started planning soon after the 2017 film came out and the fandom as we know it started to appear. Like there are two scenes in the final product that I know I talked about in a group chat in twenty goddamn seventeen. Problem was, I wasn't sure what to do with the story, where to go with it, or how I wanted to go there. I started posting it on AO3 as a multichapter in 2019 but realized it wasn't what I wanted and deleted it after maybe two chapters. Those chapters are incorporated in the final product. When it finally clicked and I started writing it for real I was supposed to be working on... a seminar paper that became the basis of my master’s thesis theory section. Heh. That paper sucked ass. But this fic. Oh man this is some of my best writing.

4) Trio. Speaking of some of my best writing, there's this. You know those posts about combining your old and new hyperfixations to create an AU that 99% of the time makes sense to precisely no one? Well. This is one of those. The Unknown Soldier and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Three guys from an iconic scene in the Unknown Soldier enacting the ending of GBU, over and over and over and over again. I keep switching people's places so everyone gets to be everyone many, many times over. And like. One of these characters is real quiet but somehow still has great one-liners. One is described by the author (outside the actual book) as having blond hair (a golden-haired angel, one might say). One shoots an unarmed POW in the back. All are war criminals, one rather significantly less so than the others. One ran a brothel in an occupied city during the few weeks they stayed there. Two of them, independently of one another, think about how "the worst they can throw at me is death and I can handle that". One always keeps his distance from everyone around him and everyone senses that there’s something cold and cruel about him they can't quite name. We never find out their first names. One loots every corpse he comes across, and in the 2017 film, one of those corpses turns out to be alive and he, horrified, suffocates him with his bare hands. One kicks a plate of porridge in a dead man's face and laughs about it. One says he doubts even God can bring himself to harass him. One avoided the actual fighting part of the war as much as he could but once risked his life getting the whole squad some new boots. I love love love all the implications of having each of those guys play Blondie or Tuco or Angel Eyes. They all speak so differently, they all act so differently, but they all make it work. Also I like to stir it up, have the Angel Eyes character survive and make a surprise attack. Have the Tuco character realize something's up and reload in time. Have the Angel Eyes character be a faster draw and have Blondie get shot. There are versions where everyone dies. There are shovels to hit people with. Bare hands, even. There's the very rickety cross. Truly the possibilities are endless and I'm like foaming at the mouth IASIP Pepe Silvia level insane about this fic.

5) Kotkanlento. Man I was going to put something else here but turns out I’m feeling a lot of feelings about Under the North Star today. Much like with Ateenalaiset, I'm really talking about the whole verse, it's all one big tragic story. And horny. The porn is absolutely essential to the tragedy. I think it's safe to assume that when Mr. Väinö Linna wrote about that one character drunkenly and tearfully reminiscing about how he and his long-dead friend used to get drunk together and fuck the same girls he did not mean to imply that they fucked those girls together, much less that they fucked each other, but, hey. All I'm saying is it doesn't exactly crash the canon, either. And there we have the least responsible bisexual poly relationship this side of the Häme province. I thought I was done with this verse last summer but iiiiiii don't think I am, I think there's another 15-part ficlet series on its way, I just need to figure out what exactly I want to do and what goes where. I really like writing these often nonlinear, independent of each other snippets/ficlets that are all pieces of the same fucked-up puzzle.

wow hehe these are. long ANYWAY I'm gonna tag @radiant-sunlight-blueberry, @vulptilla, @sisiljan and @caixxa. If you don't feel like doing it you can just ignore this, it's fine <3

[reidslovely]

Writer Q&A Tag

Thank you @a-lumos-in-the-nox for the tag. These questions were so exciting to answer, I loved every minute of it.

How many complete fics/oneshots do you have (that you have not published (yet))?

Technically none. I have one chapter of a Link fic I’ve been working on forever completed. But no completed one shots or fics that are unpublished, I’m more of a work for a bit and then abandon. 

 How many WIPS do you have right now?

Anywhere from four to six

Do you take writing requests or write original ideas, or both?

Both! I love writing requests I think it is super fun and it gives my brain a bit of a break. I like having people telling me what they want me to write. But I do also love having my own ideas and writing them down, though they do take a bit longer. 

How many fandoms do you write for? 

I write primarily for TASM/Spider-Man fandom so like one big one. But I will occasionally write for other Andrew characters here and there.

Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past, that you no longer write for? 

I’ve been writing fanfiction for a very very very long time. Since I was about 12 actually, not saying it was good but I did it. In order I wrote for: One Direction, Harry Potter, The Amazing Spider-Man, Panic! at the Disco, and Criminal Minds. And now I write solely for TASM

Do you write for ships, reader inserts, or other?

I write primarily for x readers. But I have in the past written ships, and original characters x fandom characters. Which is something I would love to get back into but I fear that with OC/Fandom Character some people would feel left out even though that’s primarily what I write and then just go back and edit to be x reader. 

Niche fandoms/characters you write for?

I guess all of Andrew Garfields random characters he’s played? Jeb, Link, and Sam are a few I have WIPs on. I’m not sure if they can go here, but I’m putting them here. 

Do you read fics as well as write them?

Duh. If it weren't for the fics I’ve read and actively participated in I don’t think I would have ever started writing. Other writers inspire me everyday till this very day, fanfic writing is all about community and I like inspire and cradle creativity into one another intentionally or not. 

What is your favorite genre (angst/fluff/whump/etc) to write for?

Depends solely on my mood and the character I am writing for. I really enjoy hurt-comfort, and fluff. Which is shocking compared to the amount of smut on my page.

What is your favorite trope (to read and/or write)?

Reading I love Mafia AU’s, College AU’s. If you couldn’t tell I’m very big on friends and lovers. I often also enjoy a supernatural au here and there and like Person A is immortal and in love with every iteration of the love they’ve had since the 1500’s.

Writing I’m pretty basic I write a lot of mafia au’s and college au’s. I write a lot of read so friends to lovers, I haven’t written supernatural on here but I would love to try it out. I also like to write fixed endings, or elaborate on endings I did not like or felt like need answers. Which is what I am doing with Link and Jeb currently.

What do you do to get motivated to write?

Music. That’s it pretty much I build playlists for characters or fics I want to write and I listen to those while writing. Occasionally pictures I feel that capture what I want to write will inspire me, but mostly music.

Is there a trope/genre you like to read, but not write?

I am a sucker for absolutely unhinged, dark Peter Parker. And I have tried and tried to write it but it never comes out good, it’s always really pitiful when I do it. But I love to read it.

Any characters/fandoms you want to write for that are never requested?

I really wanna write for Jeb from Under the Banner of Heaven..so bad. 

How long have you been writing fanfiction?

Since about 2013

Did you read fanfiction before you started writing?

I did, yeah! I started writing for multiple reasons but I still to this day love reading more than writing it.

Do you only post on tumblr, or other sites as well? (feel free to promote). 

I only post on tumblr (I was a Wattpad girl back in the day but I will never go back.) However, I’ve been considering writing on AO3 to widen my audience. 

What do you personally consider the word counts of "drabbles", "oneshots" and "fics" (+other?)?

This is gonna sound really dumb but I don’t have a clue. I really don’t know, I go off of whatever I feel like it is and if I see it turning into a fic or a mini series. If it is not gonna be turned into something bigger and it’s less than 1K its a drabble anything over 1K is whatever I feel like it is. 

Which do you prefer to write more? Headcanons, Drabbles, Oneshots/Fics,  Multi-Chapter Stories, or other?

Depends on how much muse I have really. I would love to make a big multi chapter story but I absolutely suck at world building. So I usually stick to oneshots/fics and then roll from there. 

Are there any stories you have discontinued? If so, why?

That’s the Price. Not so much discontinued, just hasn’t been updated for a year because I don’t know how to write the final chapter. It technically has a sound ending but..

 What is one of your main "pet-peeves" as a writer on tumblr?

Not reblogging, It is the most important form of engagement for writers, and what hurts a little bit more is writers who go on about how important reblogging is for their fics but won’t reblog anyone else’s stuff feels like a kick in the face. 

Do you write at a particular time of day?

I do most of my writing around noon or at night because I like to be alone when I write. 

Do you listen to music, ambiance/noise, etc. to write, or do you need silence?

I have my little playlists that get me going, they’re never consistent and usually based on whatever I’m trying to write. If I’m not in a music mood, I’ll put on a YouTube video or something to match.

Do you outline your fics at all before writing?

Nope, fuck it. We roll with the punches. 

Do you post your writing as soon as you finish it, or do you schedule it to come out at a specific time/day?

I will publish it as soon as I finish. I’ve tried to schedule them for set days but it never works when I try to use it, and if I let it sit in my docs I will end up hating it and it will never see the light of day.

____

Any writer please feel free to participate!! I tag @helloheyhihowdyheya

[nyaskitten]

I posted 20,854 times in 2022

That's 17,933 more posts than 2021!

1,288 posts created (6%)

19,566 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@diisdoodles

@legogeek33

@ninja-guy-yo

@lille-scribbles

@pajamamen

I tagged 3,045 of my posts in 2022

#ninjago - 1,811 posts

#ns16 - 254 posts

#ns15 - 249 posts

#ninjago crystalized - 242 posts

#lloyd garmadon - 128 posts

#asks - 125 posts

#raine's art - 103 posts

#lloyd ninjago - 101 posts

#garmadon ninjago - 99 posts

#ninjago art - 99 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#however it kinda feels weird to see people say 'oh my god she could step on me' while you're just sitting there reading that message like a

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

During my time in this fandom, I've learned something about the stans of all the ninja as well as Pixal, Garmadon, and Wu. (this is all /lh btw, not poking fun at anyone for whoever they stan)

Kai stans: Literally all they want is for him to go apeshit because of "evil Kai" or whatever.

Lloyd stans: All unanimously adore him and want him to both recover from his trauma and suffer intense trauma.

Jay stans: All of them are 14-15 years old, no exceptions, except for the very small group of people older than 15.

Cole stans: They wish he were real because they're ALL simps for him.

Nya stans: Everyone agrees that Skybound was fucked up as shit and wishes that season treated her better.

Zane stans: Always right, no matter what, they predict everything. Idk how they got his visions.

Pixa stans: They eat up every second of Pixal content, no matter what it is.

Garmadon stans: They either really want him to kiss them, or adopt them.

Wu stans: There are very few of them, but they quite literally churn out the most Wu art out of anyone and are all very gay as well... hmm...

710 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

#4

Oh yeah, btw, brown-skinned Ray has been canon since the pilots, thus brown-skinned Kai and Nya are also canon 💞 💞 💞 💞 💞

740 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

#3

fuck it, I'm going in gamers, wish me luck

757 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

#2

Scooby Doo is so funny to me. You have a group of four teens, whose looks haven't changed since 1969. They have a pet dog who talks, they ride around in a multi-colored van and drive to the weirdest places around, to find out who's hiding under a latex mask this time.

Sometimes NO ONE wants these fuckers around but they say "screw you" and set up the most elaborate Rube Goldberg machine to catch some dude in a costume with a goofyass name, like "The Freaky Wolfdude".

I could give the basic rundown of "the Mystery Group find a place where someone is terrorizing it, and they have to speak with the locals, make a list of suspects, use Scooby and Shaggy as bait for a scooby snack or two, and then they catch the monster, who's like 'and I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you dumbasses and your talking dog!'" and you wouldn't know if I was referring to a movie or an episode. If an episode, which episode? Of which series?

This franchise is funny for a REASON, and everything above is the reason, it's been fresh and unique since 1969

793 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

H-hey, Lego, how did this fly by your censors?

I don't know why but I find this HILARIOUS for some reason.

1,211 notes - Posted February 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kindlythevoid]

Thank you so much for the tag @ink-in-books!! Now I have fic-recs, mwuah-ha-ha-ha!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On Ao3? Four. I'm anxiously waiting to get the number up, ha ha!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

Right now it's 49,125, but I'm putting up another chapter tomorrow that should push it to around 52,000. :D

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Literally any fandom that I get into. So many fandoms. I can usually at least write a drabble. I have so many saved up in my docs and my notes app. (On Ao3 I have 6 fandoms. One is a crossover I will never write in again.)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well, since I only have four...

Love the Bright Sword

The Painter

Passion, Adventure, and Even a Little Danger

Clay Miller, Redacted

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Oh absolutely. It's a pride point for me that I respond to every comment. I want them to know that I appreciate every word and also I will take every opportunity to rant about whatever I'm writing about. <3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

On Ao3? Probably Clay Miller, Redacted. In general? Well, I haven't finished a whole lot of them, but, yeah, I think it's still Clay Miller, Redacted, ha ha!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ohhh.... Rn, epilogue-wise, I'd say Passion, Adventure, and Even a Little Danger, because it's ripped straight from Beauty and the Beast. Otherwise... happiest ending... maybe The Love You Left Me. I haven't posted it yet because I wanna fine-tune said ending, but I think of all the ones I've almost-finished this is the one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet!! :D

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ha ha, no. I may reference it, I may do an elegant fade to black, I may insinuate it or have a character joke about it, but, but, no.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do!! I love writing crossovers!! The craziest one I've ever written was when I was rlly young and put all my fandoms in a neighborhood is really hard to choose. I have one that's Supernatural/MASH that I'll probably never finish... Ohh, I think I started writing an Assassin's Creed/Downton Abbey fic... and then I have a whole slew of Rexsoka-RomCom fics, bc my guys are SORELY lacking in a good rom-com fic, but those are technically fusions. However, in general, I'll put basically any fandom into Harry Potter/Hunger Games/Supernatural? But again, those are fusions. So yeah, probably Spn/MASH or AC/Downton Abbey. I forgot that I also have to write someone a Doom/Spn fic at some point as a gift, ha ha!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Never had the pleasure!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. ':D

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Not fair!! It really depends on what I'm into at the moment, especially since my mind has approx. 0 storage capacity. I feel like a reliable one is Rexsoka or Anidala, but I also appreciated a good Ten/Rose fic back in my youth (I miss the hallmark/soulmate fics soooo much). Otherwise? I think I'll read Arthur/Gwen or maybe Ed/Winry. Idk tho. \_(ツ)_/

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Don't say that to me, it'll happen. (╥ ╥) Any of them. Most of them. Yes.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I can write really great introspection!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action. Maybe Dialogue. Oh no that's Both Sides. D:

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Maybe. Probably. I'll use a translator. Maybe another translator. Maybe a dictionary so that the words, at the very least, are correct. Put a translation in the notes. Beg my audience for mercy. It'll happen. \_(ツ)_/

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first fandom I wrote for... Jeez, that feels like ages ago. I have no idea. I honestly don't know. Marvel, maybe? I don't know. Do really old RPs count??

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Honestly? I'm really proud of Love the Bright Sword and it's Rewind Series. But I definitely go back and read a lot of my works because they're so self-indulgent they're perfect I love them I really need to edit and finish them. <3

Finally, I'll tag.... @dragonbooksword @frodothefair @thefinaljediknight @anyoneelsewhowriteslemmeknowIwannaseeyourstuffguys!!!

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you for tagging me @ahsokathegray !!<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25! 

2. What's your total A03 word count?

231k lmaoooo when did that happen I feel like I've been in a fugue state since February

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars (and technically, TECHNICALLY The Matrix but it's a Star Wars AU fusion lmao)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Porg Eyes, Princess For A Year, Ram'ser'ika, Better Than Nothing, The Contingency

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes every single one omfg I love everyone

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, Soft Dark Nothing is Ahsoka and Rex on the moon right after The Tribunal crashed so by default it's gotta be her (rip Jesse my beloved)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not Bad ends up with Snips n Skyguy going to Biscuit Baron lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet but I live in fear every day especially since I'm dipping my toe in the Republic Commandos pond and I know the girlies are passionate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do and it's ridiculously graphic HAHAHA no but there's a reason I haven't posted any Rexsoka smut. Makin y'all wait for it until they COMMIT, gotta keep that tension in there somewhere uwu. But wlw, mlw, mlm, aliens and cyborgs gonna work their way in there eventually (?) I have Not Out Loud, which is an mlm fic with Boba tying up Cal and facefucking him (Kesett nation rise)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Go Ask Ahsoka is the Matrix crossover that I wrote for AU August which I will eventually update lmfao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No but I would cry

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not like… technically but Erika is my beta and my bestie and she comes up with amazing ideas and lets me play with her OCs so honestly she counts (ilu)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Rexsoka 💙🧡, closely followed by Anidala (burning down the galaxy for a single person is objectively WRONG but also hot)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Well Do Not Go Gentle is a huge fucking project that I HOPE I finish one day

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at action. I enjoy it which helps lmao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I get really ahead of myself laying out hints and red herrings which I then forget about (Princess For A Year especially is the worst about this, I am so sorry for all of those hints about Sylen being a pretend Mandalorian I fucked up so bad with that one but I'm going to rewrite it eventually to bring back a bunch of my dropped subplots)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I enjoy it and do so regularly. Mando'a nuhur'shya ni ru'kar'tayli. And it makes my brain work in unexpected ways, it's like a puzzle trying to figure out the wacky ass baby's-first-conlang grammar that is Karen's creation (what the fuck kind of language doesn't have a passive voice)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OKAY OKAY TECHNICALLY, TECHNICALLY????? It was the Lion King. I was in first grade and we had to write a little storybook and illustrate the pages they gave us with crayons and my story was How Simba Lost His Mane lmfaoooo

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I have poured my whole heart, soul, brain, and pussy into Tivaevae pls read it it's longer than The Hobbit

no pressure tags: @soliloquy-of-nemo, @tangledlichen, @ink-in-books, @hannah-schooler