#y'all get to be annoying about your christmas. can i be annoying about kwanzaa now i hated yesterday lmao

[moogghost]

Kwanzaa yenu iwe na heri to anyone else who celebrates it! we're unable to celebrate it with most physical stuff associated with the whole celebration this year because it's currently unsafe for us to do so, but i hope everyone else celebrating has a wonderful next several days celebrating it and that the seven principles help guide us through the next year

[phobidawg]

Holiday Lunar Bake-Off; Episode 1, Introductions and Welcomes

A hot new portscreen series (Hosted by Iko!) where some of your favorite celebrities (including Emporer Kaito, Queen Selene, and Ambassador Winter Hayle-Blackburn and more,) compete to win the title of Lunar Bake-Off Champion! 

(or a *really* cringy crack fic where Iko throws them all in a baking competition and none of them know how to bake. It gets funnier in the later chapters, I promise. Also excuse and grammar or editing mistakes, I know there are many but I started this a long time ago and don’t want to bothering going through all of it again. I will be updating this once a week until I run out of prewritten chapters!)

Iko: *bursts onto screen in a flurry or glittery snowflakes* I just love the holidays! Lots of friends, family, presents, cute outfits..... and supposedly best of all, the food! *mumbles something under breath about not having taste buds*

Anyway, Welcome to the Holiday Lunar Bake-off! We've selected eight celebrity contestants from all over Earth and Luna to compete for the grand prize, 50,000 univs!! Enough to buy over 300 amazing outfits! Without further ado, the contestants!!! *throws arms open wide gesturing to side door of Kitchen*

*nothing happens*

Iko: I said, the contestants!!!

(off-screen Cinder) Iko, you have each name individually!

Iko: I do? Well then, *looks at paper in hand* our very first contestant is Luna's very own, Selene Jannali-Blackburn, aka Cinder!!

*Cinder emerges from side door, looking annoyed*

Cinder: Why am I always first?! First to be shot at, first to be enlisted to overthrow a queen, first to bother *cough*Thorne*cough*...

Iko: *cutting of rant* So, Cinder, tell us about yourself. *sticks mic in Cinder's face*

Cinder: *leaning away from mic and taking a step back* Um, well, I used to live in New Beijing as a mechanic...

(Off-stage) Kai: The best one there was!

Cinder: *shooting glare at door* And anyway then I found out I was a missing princess of a rock in space and saved a bunch of people from a tyrant and turned Luna into a democracy. So yeah. *feeble jazz-hands*

Iko: *swooning* And most importantly, your now engaged to dreamy Emperor Kai! Tell us, how does it feel knowing you'll be married to Kai soon?!

Cinder: I thought we were here to bake, not gossip!

Iko: I don't know about you, but Kai's smile definitely bake's my wires *cheesy wink*

(off stage awkward coughing)

Cinder: *ignoring horrible pun* By the way, would you mind showing me how to work that complicated fondant roller in the back because I really don't want to lose my other hand too....

Iko: Next up we have Scarlet Benoit of Rieux, France!

Kinney the Cameraman (off-screen): Um, Iko? My portscreen's battery is running a bit low...

Iko: Shh! We're filming!

Kinney: But...

Iko: The show must go on! SCARLET! Scarlet: *kicks open double-doors* Bonjour mon ami. (hello my friend)

Iko: Bonjour! Est-ce nous parlons en francais? (can we speak in french)

Scarlet: *Shrugs* D'accord. (sure)

Kinney: *coughs* Um, bless you?

Iko: Kinney! For the last time cameramen don't talk!

Kinney: *mumbles something under breath*

*Whole screen tilts sideways toward ground for a moment, before righting itself*

Iko: Kinney!

Kinney: *mumbling* whoops.

Iko: So Scarlet, you are probably the most accomplished baker in this whole set of people, and most likely the only one who knows how to use an oven! Where did you learn?

Scarlet: My grandmere taught me a while ago, when I was young. Our favorite thing to make was lemon cake, so I make on the anniversary of her birthday every year.

Iko: How sweet! Maybe even sweeter than sugar ;) *wink*

Cinder: *standing awkwardly off in corner* So....should I just leave?

Iko: *flapping hand in general direction to her right.* There's an exit somewhere around there. Now, I have a baking show to run!

Cinder: *to herself* Time to go get lost in a celebrity kitchen. Fun. *starts wandering off to try and find exit*

Iko: SO Scarlet, tell me more about this lemon cake. Is it sweet and tart, or tart and sweet?

Scarlet: *Looking confused* Ummm....

Kinney (off-screen): *cough* ten minutes of battery left *cough*

Iko: TEN MINUTES! Well, thank you Scarlet, good luck finding the exit.... *nudges a supremely confused looking Scarlet in vague direction* Next we have Captain Carswell Thorne!!

Thorne: *throws open doors, beaming blindingly* Finally, my time as a reality tv star has come! *pauses to consider screen* Wait a minute, we're filming with a portscreen?!

Kinney: Got a problem with that?

Iko: FOr the last time, cameramen don't speak! Now don't worry Thorne, this video will go viral soon enough.

THorne: Well, a camera's a camera. *smiles blindingly again*

Kinney: Eww... *turns camera not so subtly away from him*

Thorne: *noticing* Keep the camera on me!

Kinney: *reluctantly turns back at Iko's glare*

Iko: So, Carswell, it is said that your smile hides a shady past. What do you have to say on this?

Thorne: *sending a furtive look over shoulder at entrance, where a hint of a blond head suggests Cress peek out from door* All I have to say is that my ways are changing, and when I got together with Cress I even made a list... *starts digging around in coat pocket* it's in here somewhere.. I always keep it on me...

Iko: *starts fangirling* OMS that's so cute!!! However, we have a time limit *sour look at camera* so speaking of Cress good luck with the competition and finding the waiting room bye!

Thorne: Wait, what? You're kicking me out!

Iko: Cress! You're on!

Kinney the cameraman: Thorne if you're not gonna leave... *shifts camera so Thorne is out of frame*

Thorne: Fine! I get the picture! *makes a point of stomping away*

Cress: *pops onstage with a worried look in Thorne's direction, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, avoiding gaze with the camera.* Hello Iko.

Iko: *once again happy and bubbly* Cress! Welcome to the Holiday Baking Championship! Are you ready to bake?!

Cress: Um, yes?

Iko: I'm sure you can be a bit more confident than that!

Cress: *casting furtive look into the direction where Thorne disappeared, looking for help. Hesitates, and decides to remove the 'um'* Yes?!

Iko: That's better! Nothing like holiday spirit right?

Cress: *blushing nervously to be onstage* mhm.

Iko: Well, what's your favorite part of baking?

Cress: *pauses, and appears to being pulling herself together. Is actually envisioning herself as a famous chef (shh I didn't say that)* I love decorating the most. *newly confident*

Iko: Me too! I absolutely love cookie decorating, although a certain someone always steals the cookies when I'm done! *glares at camera aka Kinney*

Kinney: Hey! You don't even have taste buds, so how could you eat them anyway?!

Iko: That is so beside the point! What if I wanted to give them as gifts or something?! And just because I don't have taste buds... *trails off*

Kinney: Would you like to finish that sentence? Because I'm actually interested to hear what you might have to say.

Iko: *snaps* Cameramen aren't allowed to talk!

Kinney: Talk about being beside the point.

Iko: *fuming*

Cress: Uhhhhh..... Are you okay Iko?

Iko: I'm fine, just fine.

Kinney: *crisp* 4 minutes left.

Iko: AHHH! *looking murderous at Kinney's interruption*

Cress: *looking scared* Iko... *seeing Iko can't be helped* I'm going to leave *slips away*

Iko: *takes a calming breath*

Kinney: *wisely decides not to comment*

Iko: Wolf and Jacin, on stage! *looks very smug at having the smart idea to add two at a time*

Wolf + Jacin: *enter*

Iko: Hello and welcome to the Holiday Baking thing, merry Christmas, ect. Ect. ect. Ok we're on a time crunch so I'm going to start and end with a basic question. What ingredients do you like to use most in baking? Jacin, you're up.

Jacin: I don't bake.

Iko: Aw, come on, just list any ingredient you use for baking then that's nice.

Jacin: Fine, flour.

Iko: *confused* flour?

Jacin: Flour. It's used in pretty much every baking recipe, so that makes it a logical choice. As a bonus, it is bland and tasteless.

Iko: Well then. Wolf?

Wolf: *instantaneously* tomatoes.

Iko: *under breath* why am I not surprised *out loud* Tomatoes?! How do you bake with tomatoes?!

Wolf: Easily! Tomato muffins, tomato pancakes, tomato cupcakes...

Iko: *looking queasy* For once I'm glad I don't have taste buds... I mean that sounds delicious! Good luck in the competition! *under breath* You'll need it. *louder, and much more excited* Next up, former princess Winter Blackburn Hayle and the dreamy Emperor Kaito!

*Kai and Winter wander onstage, Kai looking bemused as Winter rambles to him. Iko swoons*

Iko: Best for last! Don't tell anyone I said that though *wink at screen* Welcome to the Holiday Baking Championship! My first question is for Winter. Wherever did you get that dress?!

Winter: Oh, this? Well, it's pretty isn't it? *giggles and twirls, making her flowy dress swirl* I don't know really, it just seemed to show up in my room this morning!

Iko: I don't know about you, but I have a listed inventory of all my dress', so nothing ever randomly shows up in my room ;) Now Kai... *turns to Kai, who grins cutely/winningly*

Kinney: *cough*one minute*cough*

Iko: *snaps out of adoring reverie* 1 minute! Well Kai, Iloveyou--I mean Good Luck and welcome to both of you!

Kai + Winter: Thank you. Good night! *look at each other in surprise before turning and leaving*

Iko: *talking unnaturally fast* Well that's it for today folks! Please share and repost, and Happy Holidays y'all! Keep a lookout for Episode Two, Christmas Caking! Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, and Hanuk-

*screen goes dark*