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couldsewyouastitchandsavenine · 4 months ago

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Blank Spaces [Javier Peña]

a/n: she’s done it, she’s written smut. y’all can blame the couch. yeah, that couch. be gentle with me. it’s my first time.

pairing: javi peña x reader

word count: 5.1K

warnings: explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, mastrubation, strong language, references to violence and trauma, drinking & smoking, infidelity, pining

The crime scene is a blood bath and it looks as if every police officer in the city is here. There are red lights and blue lights, flashing through the jungle, and the cicadas screaming into the acrid night. There are loud voices and sounds, and there is silence, loudest of them all.

You crouch over a body.

Or… well, what’s left of one before the narcos had their way with it.

They like to send a message, and this one couldn’t be clearer if they’d painted it in ten-foot high letters with all the blood that’s pooling around your scuffed boots: no one fucks with the Medellín cartel. Not judges who can’t be bought. Not politicians who don’t know their place. Not innocent bystanders who get caught in the crossfire of this endless, senseless drug war. And sure as shit not some insignificant DEA agent from America who can’t mind his own fucking business.

Adjusting the focus with hands that tremble from exhaustions and other things you don’t care to examine too closely, you try to remember the last time you slept.

It’s been days, but it feels like weeks; months. A fucking year.

—

You hear him before you see him, the sound of his footsteps as familiar as your own heartbeat. Even in the chaos of the crime scene, with the crunch of gravel under dozens of boots and crackle of police radios, you would know him anywhere. It’s in the way he moves, the cadence of his walk. Authoritative. Unhesitating. Like he’s going somewhere important and he knows exactly how to get there.

Even with your eyes on your work, you can’t help but track him from the corner of your eye. Watch him as he exchanges greetings and handshakes with other agents and members of CNP. You catalogue the details like you’d do when staring at the surveillance photo; you just can’t help it. The hair that’s just a tad little too long, curling slightly against the nape of his neck. The moustache that should look sleazy but instead makes him seem rakish. Dangerous. The ever-present cigarette dangling carelessly from his fingers.

His gaze lands on you and your breath catches in your throat as you fumble with the rewinder. And then he’s walking through the sea of uniforms and grim faces until he’s standing next to you. Zippo between his fingers flicks to life and he inhales a lungful of smoke, exhaling through his nose seconds later.

“Tell me you got something,” he says by way of greeting.

You stand, joints protesting, and turn to face Javier Peña.

“And good evening to you too,” you reply, aiming for sarcasm but landing closer to weary resignation. “I got plenty, but you ain’t gonna like any of it.”

He squints at the tarp-covered lump that used to be a human. Clenches his jaw. Rubs a hand over his face and you watch his throat work as he swallows. He looks how you feel, you think. Wrung out and nauseous.

Catching yourself staring, you quickly look away, heat crawling up the back of your neck. You then snap a few final shots of the scene, just to have something to do with your hands, and pull the camera strap over your head.

"Buy you a drink?" he asks, already turning to leave, confident you'll follow.

So, you do. Just like always.

—

The bar is a dive, but that's nothing new. It’s the kind of place where the floor sticks to your shoes and the air tastes like stale cigarettes and broken dreams. Javi sits with his back to the wall, one booted foot resting on his opposite knee, his posture seemingly relaxed. You know better.

He knocks back two fingers of bottom-shelf whiskey like it's the water. You do the same. It burns going down but you almost welcome the pain. Anything to feel something that isn't the cold, creeping despair.

You don’t talk much, but that suits you just fine. There is no energy left for conversations. Or empty platitudes about how you’re fighting the good fights, how your work matters. It’s all so goddamn futile.

Still, there are worse ways to spend an evening than getting wasted with Javier Peña, you suppose. Even though you’ve heard the rumours about him. That he’s a cowboy. A hothead. Quick with his fists and even quicker with his dick.

But, you’ve also seen another side to him these past months, ever since you got assigned to assist DEA as the body count rises and the streets run red. You’ve watched him sketch portraits of the victims so their families will have something to bury. Seen how he never flinches from the brutality of his job, just squares his shoulders and wades back in. Seen him wrap a trembling, half-naked body of a young girl with his jacket, shielding her.

He's a good man, Javi. Rough around the edges, sure, but who isn't in this place? You’re all hip deep in shit creek without a paddle, just trying to keep your nostrils above the stink, long enough to do some good.

“Another one?”

He doesn’t wait for your answer, just signals for another round. His knuckles are bruised and you wonder who he hit this time.

When you lift your gaze, you find his eyes are already on you, dark and glittering in the dimness of the bar. And it feels as if he’s pinning you down, flaying you open. Reading. Observing. Trying to see right into the marrow of your bones. It sends a shiver down your spine and you look away. Wrap your trembling fingers around the cool, rigid surface of your glass, condensation dripping onto the scarred table.

Javi’s hand then reaches for yours, and for a reason you can’t explain, you don’t pull away. Don’t tell him to fuck off, to keep hands to himself. Instead, you let him. Let him trace idle patterns across your wrist, each point of contact searing you like a brand. You should stop this. Should make an excuse and leave before you do something stupid.

But you’re tired. So fucking tired. Of death and of ugliness; of feeling numb. You want to feel alive, if just for a little while. Want to feel something. Anything.

When he speaks again, his voice is low, suggestive. “Wanna get out of here?”

Warning bells clang in your head like a distant echo of self-preservation, but you ignore them as you nod once, decisive. “Yeah.”

—

Javier’s apartment is bigger than yours but darker. The AC-unit rattles but it barely makes a dent in the oppressive heat as you stumble inside. Sweat prickles along your hairline and between your breasts as he crowds you against the door.

His mouth is on yours before you can overthink it. Whiskey and smoke. Tongue and teeth. It’s not gentle but that’s okay. You don’t want gentle. You want to be consumed. Want to forget. And he is ready to give you what you want because his hands are like a fever on your warm skin, pushing under your shirt to palm and cup your breasts—callouses rasping against your nipples. You arch into him. Shameless.

Fumbling with his belt, you get a hand into his underwear and take him into your fist. He’s hard, and hot, and throbbing against your palm. You stroke once, twice and he groans into your mouth.

“Fuck. ”

Moments later, Javi’s boot slams against the doors to his bedroom. Walks you back to the bed; a graceless tangle of limbs as he bears you down into the mattress. Rips your shirt as he yanks it over your head. Still, you can’t care less. Because it’s what you want. What you need.

Heat. Fever. His skin against yours.

After that, everything narrows to physical sensation and a handful of filthy words. The slick slide of your tongues. The ache between your thighs as he wrings orgasm after shuddering orgasm from your willing body. You scratch angry marks down his back and he hisses but doesn’t stop you. Just grips your hips hard enough to bruise and thrusts into you harder.

It’s messy and it’s desperate. Artless. There’s no finesse, just a furious coupling. An exorcism. You cry out his name over and over again and for a few blissful minutes the rest of the world ceases to exist.

Afterwards you lay side by side, not touching. Chest heaving. You stare up at the nicotine stained ceiling and will yourself not to cry. It’s just sex, for fuck’s sake. A means to an end. You don’t need it to mean anything more.

You’re still telling yourself that an hour later as you hunt for your underwear in the golden glow of his bedroom. They’re a lost cause, ripped and unwearable. You ball them up and shove them in your pocket as a memento of Javier’s impatience.

Behind you, Javi lights up a cigarette. Clears his throat.

You ignore him. Focus on the task of getting dressed; of putting yourself back together piece by piece.

But then he says your name. And it's so foreign coming from his mouth that it stops you in your tracks. It's as if he's tasting your name on his tongue for the first time, savouring the way it feels; the way it sounds.

You tense, your back to him as you button up your jeans with shaking fingers, trying to brace yourself for the inevitable brush-off.

“This can’t happen again.”

Even expecting it, the words still land like a punch to the gut. You force yourself to turn around and face him. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, sheet pooled around his waist, looking as wrecked as you feel, and it would be funny if it didn't hurt so fucking much.

“I know,” you say.

And you hate how small your voice sounds, how pathetic. Hate yourself for even thinking that this could be anything other than what it was — two broken people using each other to feel something other than despair for a little while.

So you leave without another word. Walk home in the hazy dawn light, feeling emptier than ever. Later, in the shower, you stand under the spray until the water runs cold. Let it wash away the smell of him on your skin. You place Javier Peña and the ghost of his hands on your body into a box in your mind and lock it tight, throwing away the key.

Tell yourself it's for the best.

And if you slide your hand inside your panties night after night to thoughts of his mouth between your thighs and his fingers digging into your hips, well. No one needs to know.

—

Six months later…

"So I hear congratulations are in order."

The words startle you so badly that you nearly drop the tongs you're holding.

You've been hiding out by the grill for the past twenty minutes, using the excuse of tending the hamburgers to avoid making small talk with Steve's DEA buddies from Miami. It's his birthday cookout, and it's the last place you want to be, but Connie had insisted, and you couldn't think of a believable excuse fast enough.

You paste on a smile that feels more like a grimace and turn to face Javier Peña, smirking at you over the rim of a sweating bottle of Corona. You've barely seen him in weeks, your paths crossing only when strictly necessary, and even then, you've done your best to avoid being alone with him. Still, you can’t deny that he looks good. Too good. The bastard.

"Excuse me?" you say, trying to keep your tone light. Casual. Like your heart isn't suddenly pounding in your chest. Like your palms aren't slick with sweat that has nothing to do with the heat of the grill.

Javi leans a hip against the table, his body loose and relaxed in a way you never see him at work. "You and Golden Boy. Connie says it's getting serious."

Golden Boy. That's what they call Michael Whitman, the attorney sent to DEA from the Langley office that the Murphys have been not-so-subtly throwing in your path for months. You'd finally agreed to a drink with him just to shut them up, and had been pleasantly surprised to find that you actually have things in common beyond a mutual love of cheap tequila and bad action movies.

He's not the kind of guy you usually go for — too clean-cut, too earnest, with a boyish charm that makes you feel old and jaded in comparison. But he's funny and smart, and most importantly, uncomplicated. There's no baggage there, no messy history. Just easy conversation and the promise of something simple. Something you can control.

"I don't know if I'd call it serious," you say carefully. "We've only been on a few dates."

Javi takes a long pull from his beer, his throat working as he swallows, and you look away, suddenly fascinated by the pattern of char marks on the hamburgers.

"He's here today."

It's not a question, but you answer anyway.

"Yeah, Connie invited him." Your voice sounds distant to your own ears, like it's coming from somewhere far away.

Javi makes a noncommittal noise, a hum that could mean anything or nothing at all. You risk a glance at him, and immediately wish you hadn't. He's looking at you with an intensity that makes you want to squirm. Then, his gaze drops to your mouth. Lingers there for a moment that stretches into eternity, and you feel heat crawling up your neck.

"He seems nice," Javi says finally, his tone carefully neutral, and you almost laugh at the banality of it. Nice. The ultimate kiss of death, the faint praise that damns with its very blandness.

"He is." The words come out more forcefully than you intend, and you punctuate them by flipping a burger with a vicious twist of your wrist. Hot grease splatters your bare arm, and you swear under your breath, reaching for a napkin to blot at the stinging pain.

But Javi is already there, his long fingers wrapping around your wrist in a touch that is achingly familiar, a sense memory that transports you back to that night, to the heat of his skin against yours.

He examines the angry red welt rising on your forearm, his brows drawn together in a frown of concern. "You need to run this under cold water."

You try to pull away, but his grip is implacable, his fingers like bands of steel around your wrist. "It's fine," you mutter, avoiding his gaze.

Your name falls from his lips, low and serious, and the sound of it sends a spike of heat straight through you, pooling in your belly.

Memories of the last time he spoke to you in that voice, mouthed your name into the sweat-slick curve of your neck as he moved inside you, threaten to overwhelm you, and you ruthlessly shove them aside.

That way lies madness, a rabbit hole of longing and regret that you can't afford to tumble down.

"I said it's fine, Javi." You finally manage to twist out of his grasp, taking a deliberate step back.

Hurt flashes in his dark eyes. It’s brief, but there nonetheless. Then, he nods once, a sharp jerk of his chin. Message received.

"I'll leave you to it, then." He turns to go and you exhale shakily.

But then he stops, his back to you, his shoulders tense beneath the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

"I'm glad you're happy," he says quietly, his voice barely audible over the hum of conversation and the sizzle of grease on the grill. "You deserve it."

And then he's gone, striding across the lawn without a backward glance, leaving you staring after him, your heart in your throat and a hollow ache in your chest.

Are you happy? You’re not unhappy, that’s for sure.

So why does it feel like Javi just ripped the scab off of a wound you thought had long since healed, exposing the raw, festering hurt beneath. You shake your head in disgust at your own weakness. At the part of you that still years for his touch, his taste. The way he made you feel alive in a way you never had before.

This is ridiculous. You are being ridiculous. It was one night, months ago. A mistake. A moment of weakness that meant nothing. Less than nothing. And you need to get over it. Need to move on.

So, you focus on the task at hand, determined to push all thoughts of Javier Peña out of your mind. And as your brain struggles to do so, a pair of arms circle your waist from behind. You stiffen for a moment, but then relax, recognising Michael’s clean scent of soap and aftershave.

“Hey you,” he mumbles, nuzzling your ear, blissfully oblivious to your inner turmoil.

“Hey yourself,” you answer. Force yourself to relax into his embrace. Tip your head back onto his shoulder and let him press a chaste kiss to your cheek. Curse your traitorous body for yearning for another man's touch, a man who made it clear he doesn't want anything more from you than a quick fuck.

You just need time, that's all. Time and distance. A chance to let the wounds Javi inflicted heal properly, without constantly picking at the scabs.

And if your heart feels like it's breaking in your chest, if every breath is an effort, a reminder of the emptiness that yawns inside you... well. That's no one's business but your own.

—

You join the others at the picnic table and you let the conversation wash over you. Laugh in all the right places. Deflect Connie's good-natured ribbing about your cooking skills. Studiously ignore Javi where he sits at the other end of the table, a pretty secretary hanging on his every word. You think the girl's name is Maritza. Or Mariana. Something with an M. You try not to care.

It doesn't matter. You and Javi are ancient history. You were never even history to begin with. Just two people seeking oblivion in each others' bodies for a few hours. Hardly the stuff of epic romance.

So you smile and nod and make a show of enjoying Michael's arm around your shoulders. Listen attentively as he tells a funny story about a deposition gone wrong.

He really is a good guy, Michael. Steady. Dependable. The kind of man you could maybe build a future with someday, if you could just get Javier fucking Peña out of your system. Out of your head. Out of your goddamn heart.

But every time you look in Javi's direction he's already watching you, dark eyes inscrutable. It's unnerving. Like he's trying to see right into your battered, cynical soul. You drop your gaze to her plate, appetite gone. Push potato salad around with your fork as your stomach churns.

The seconds drag by with agonising slowness but finally, blessedly, the party starts to wind down. People drift off in twos and threes until it's just you, Michael and the Murphys left. You make your excuses, pleading an early morning at work. Hug Connie and wish Steve a final happy birthday. Determinedly don’t look around for Javi. He slipped away at some point without saying goodbye, Maritza, Mariana, whoever giggling on his arm as he escorted her to his car.

And that's just fine. It's not like you expected anything else.

Michael drives you home, one hand resting warmly on your knee. You lean your forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window, watching the city lights blur past, and try not to compare the feel of his fingers to another's. Rougher. More gun-callused. It's a losing battle, and you know it.

When he walks you to your door, you half expect him to try and invite himself in. Brace herself to demure. Things between you haven't progressed much beyond some heated kisses on your couch but you know he wants more. Can feel him holding himself back, trying not to scare you off.

But he just smiles. Touches your cheeks with tenderness that makes your heart ache. Tells you he'll call you tomorrow to arrange some plans for the weekend. You nod vaguely, murmur a goodnight and escape into your apartment.

The door closes behind you with a muffled click, and you sag back against it, the exhaustion hitting you like a physical blow. You feel wrung out. Hollowed out. Like someone has reached inside you and scooped out all your vital organs, leaving you empty and aching.

"Get it together," you grit out. Push yourself off the door and head for the bathroom, stripping off your clothes as you go. A shower. That's what you need. A long, hot shower to scour the day from your skin.

You stand under the spray until the water runs cold, forehead pressed to the slick tiles. Think about the night six months ago when you let Javi fuck your sadness and self-loathing into something resembling peace.

And the memories come in flashes. Teeth sharp at your throat. Fingers dragging down your sides, digging into your hips, holding you steady as he pushed inside you, stretching you, filling you, his eyes locked on yours in the dark, seeing you, all of you, in a way no one else ever had.

You shove a hand between your legs almost angrily. Find yourself wet and wanting. It only takes a few rough strokes before you’re coming with a bitten off cry, Javi's name trapped behind your teeth.

And only after, when it’s over, you stand with your face tipped up into the spray of water, allowing yourself to cry.

—

The next morning you’re in your cramped closet of a darkroom, a negative strip held up to the low light. You look for patterns in the grain. Clues to illuminate the black and white. Explanations that make sense. Pieces to solve the bloody puzzle. You hang the sheet with steady hands and reach for another. This is your comfort. Your penance. Your grace. In this red-tinged womb of a room you reconstruct narratives and build cases, one damning frame at a time. Javier Peña and his big sad eyes and dangerous hands have no place here.

Except the door is opening behind you, a sliver of fluorescence creeping across the floor to illuminate those shoes. Black boots. Great. Just what you need today.

You sigh and square your shoulders.

“Something I can help you with, agent?”

You don't turn around. Focus instead on the photos in front of your face. If you ignore him maybe he'll take the hint and fuck off. But Javier Peña has never been one to fuck off when you want him to.

Instead, he steps fully into the room and closes the door with a soft snick. The darkness swallows you once more. And once more he says your name. Low and rough like the rasp of his calluses on your skin. You shiver despite yourself. Set down the negatives with fingers that tremble.

“What do you want, Javi?”

There's a rustle of fabric as he shifts his weight, and you can picture him perfectly, even with your back turned. You imagine him placing his hands on his hips, his head cocked to the side. That stupid stance he adopts when he's trying to be casual. Harmless. As if a man like Javier Peña could ever be harmless.

“I want to talk.”

“So talk.”

A frustrated exhale. “Can you at least look at me? Please?”

The ‘please’ snags at your chest like a fishhook. Pulls you around to face him against your better judgement. He's haloed in the dull red glow, edges lined in shadow, and he looks like something out of a fever dream. Or a nightmare. You can't decide which.

“I'm looking. Talk.”

He drags a hand through his hair, already mussed from the humidity. Or maybe from someone else's fingers, and you stomp down on the curl of jealousy that licks up your spine, hot and bitter.

“I don't like how we left things.”

You nod only once and look down at your hands. “Well, you made yourself pretty clear, Javi. “This—,” you gesture between you, “can't happen again.”

“That's not…” He makes a frustrated noise, moustache twitching as he presses his lips together. “I didn't mean for it to sound like that.”

You cross your arms over your chest, suddenly feeling exposed, vulnerable, in the thin cotton of your tee. "How did you mean for it to sound?"

He takes a step forward, then another when you don’t immediately back away. “I'm not good at this. Relationships. Emotions.” He says the word like it tastes foul in his mouth. Like it’s a foreign concept he can’t quite wrap his head around. “I’m fucked up. You know that.”

"Everyone's fucked up," you counter, your tone flat, unimpressed. "What's your point?"

"My point," he grits out, his jaw clenching, his hands curling into fists at his sides, "is that I care about you. More than I should. More than is wise, considering our line of work."

"You care about me." It comes out flat. Disbelieving. "Peña, I've got work to do...," you trail off, hoping he will take the hint.

He doesn’t. Instead, he sighs, shoulders slumping. “Is that so hard to believe?”

Yes, you want to say. Yes, it's hard to believe that a man like you could care about someone like me. A man who could have anyone, anything, with just a flash of that devastating smile. A man who fucks his trauma into faceless, nameless women and tosses them aside like so much garbage when he's done.

But that's not fair, and you know it. Javi's not that man, not really. Oh, he plays the part well enough, all swagger and smirks and devil-may-care attitude. But you've seen beneath the mask, seen the wounded, vulnerable boy lurking in the dark wells of his eyes. The boy who's seen too much. Lost too much. The boy who's just trying to survive in a world that wants to eat him alive.

“Javi,” you start, then stop. Swallow hard. “What do you want from me?”

He's close enough now that you can feel the heat of him. Can smell the familiar mix of cigarettes and cologne that always makes you want to bury your face in the crook of his neck and breathe him in. His eyes are intent on your face, searching for something you're not sure you can give, something you're not sure you have to offer.

"I want..." He pauses, his throat working as he swallows, his eyes never leaving yours. "Fuck. I want everything." His hands come up to cradle your face, his thumbs sweeping over your cheekbones. "I'm so tired of pretending I don't feel this," he murmurs, his breath ghosting over your lips, his forehead pressing against yours. "So goddamn tired."

And you know the feeling. That soul-deep exhaustion that comes from holding yourself apart. From denying what you want, who you want, because it's safer that way. Except it's not safe at all, is it? It's just a different kind of pain.

"What about your reputation?" you ask, trying to be cheeky. Trying to lighten the mood, but your voice comes out breathless. Shaky. "Wouldn't want to soil that with something as pedestrian as feelings."

Javi huffs a laugh, warm and fond. “Fuck my reputation. Fuck everyone else's expectations.” He leans in, nose brushing yours. Voice dropping to a rumble you feel in your bones. “I just want you.”

It's too much. The words. The weight of his gaze. The nearness of him. It's everything you've ever wanted and everything you've ever feared, and you can't take it anymore.

You fist your hands in his shirt and yank him down into a bruising kiss. He makes a hungry noise against your mouth, a growl that vibrates through your entire body, and angles his head, deepening the kiss until you're dizzy with it. Until you can't tell where you end and he begins.

He tears his mouth away from yours, blazing a trail of open-mouthed kisses down the column of your neck, his teeth scraping against your pulse point, his tongue soothing the sting.

"Fuck, you feel good," he mumbles into your skin, his breath hot and damp against your flesh. "Been wanting this, wanting you."

"Javi, please..."

"Please what?" He presses hot, open-mouthed kisses to your neck. Your shoulder. Slips his hand beneath the waistband of your underwear, his fingers finding your slick heat. Circles your clit with a teasing touch, a barely-there pressure that makes you want to scream. "Tell me what you need."

You writhe against him, shameless. "You," you gasp, your voice raw, ragged. "I need you."

And then he is lifting you onto the counter, scattering negatives and bottles of chemicals. You’ll care about that later. Right now all you can focus on is the heat of his skin against yours as he peels you out of your tee. The scrape of his stubble on the tender skin of your throat. The sound of his belt being unbuckled and the rustle of his jeans. The perfect stretch and ache as he pushes inside you, filling you up until there's no room for anything else. No room for doubt or fear or the certain knowledge that this will end in disaster.

You wrap your legs around his waist and urge him deeper, your fingers digging into the shifting muscles of his back.

“Fuck—” he grits out, hips snapping into yours at a punishing pace.

You gape, unable to breathe, the cry lodged somewhere in your throat as your head rolls into his neck, your entire body surrendering to the pleasure. He doesn't stop, though. Just keeps going. Thrusting. Claiming. Filthy words in a mix of English and Spanish falling from his lips and into your ear. Words you both understand and have no idea what they mean.

Javi slides a hand between your sweat-slicked bodies, finds your clit and rubs in tight, focused circles, and you keen. Tip your back against the wall as pleasure crashes through you in waves. He follows a moment later, his face buried in the crook of your neck, his teeth sinking into your skin as he pulses inside you.

You stay like that for a long moment, trading lazy kisses as your heart rates slow and your breathing evens out. Finally Javi pulls back to look at you. Smiles the way you’d never seen him smile before.

"This is probably a terrible idea," you say, only half-joking.

His mouth quirks. "Probably.

"We'll probably blow up in each other's faces.”

"Most likely.”

You sigh, looping your arms around his neck. "But you still want to try?" you ask, your voice small, uncertain, afraid to hope.

He kisses you again, slow and sweet. Rests his forehead against yours. "More than anything."

And God help you, but you believe him. Believe in this impossible, improbable thing between you despite every instinct screaming that you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.

But that's a worry for another day. Right now, at this moment, you have everything you want. Everything you need.

The rest you’ll figure out together.

#pedro pascal #javi peña x reader #javi peña smut #javier peña x reader #narcos fanfiction #javi peña #javier peña x you #javier peña #pedro pascal character fanfiction #javi peña x you #javi peña x fem!reader

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atomicami · 1 year ago

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the perfect fit

model!abby anderson x fashion designer!reader

- summary: it’s the start of your new job working for armani as a fashion designer, and your first assignment is to design and create a suit for an upcoming runway event. despite the fact that you can’t stand your chosen model, you also can’t help but find her very attractive too.

- content: smut MDNI, no outbreak/modern au, nyc living, reader has a degree in fashion design, reader is a bit of a perfectionist, model!abby, abby’s a little cocky, work sex, fingering & strap usage (r!receiving), abby refers to her strap as her cock, size kink, and i think that’s it but lmk if i missed anything

- author’s note: so i was highly inspired by this abby x model!reader fic that i decided to try to write out a fic of my own with this new pairing!! i hope y’all like it :)

also dedicating this one to my girl @whore4abby ily darling 🤍

New York City was always known to be the place where one’s dreams were meant to fly as high as the skyscrapers that rose in its urban atmosphere. It was known to be the perfect capital city for all professions, including fashion.

Living in New York had always been the dream for you, and although you were now residing there for school, you weren’t exactly fulfilling your dreams just yet. So when you had called your parents one day to break the bad news to them, you knew that they weren’t going to be on board with your sudden change of plans.

“You’re switching majors? But why?” your dad asked through the phone. “I thought you wanted to study law.”

No, you didn’t. Your parents had been telling everyone they knew in your small town that you were going to major in law after high school and become the best lawyer to walk the streets of New York, and as a result, you couldn’t help but select that major just to please them.

“I don’t, Dad…If you had listened to me in the first place, you would know that I never wanted to do that,” you tell him.

“Well, that’s alright, law school isn’t for everyone now.” your dad told you before continuing. “What are you going to study instead? Medicine? Psychology? Business?”

You took a deep breath before continuing. “Fashion design…” you mutter back to him.

You can already imagine the outburst he was going to have. It was almost as if you could feel the anger bubbling within him through the phone.

“Fashion?! Are you seriously out of your mind?!” your dad exclaimed back at you. His reaction was so uncalled for that you had to take him off of speakerphone.

And after a long lecture from him later, he simply told you that he wasn’t going to pay for your tuition anymore before hanging up the phone.

Even though you were expecting that kind of reaction from your parents, your father more specifically, you still couldn’t help but feel so…discouraged. You’ve been wanting to be a fashion designer ever since you were little, and your parents’ lack of support did nothing but steal your happiness in fulfilling your dreams.

But at the same time…you felt determined to prove them wrong. You wanted to show them that you weren’t making this change just take the easy way out, you were doing it because you’ve been wanting to pursue this career your whole life. You wanted to show them that you were meant to be working in a fashion studio, not a courtroom.

Fast forward to now, and you’ve graduated from Parsons at the top of your class with a fashion degree, only to soon land a job working as a fashion designer at one of Giorgio Armani’s establishments right here in New York City.

Once the first day of your new job came around, you needed to give the best impression there, making sure to arrive before your boss did. After all, if it weren’t for Tess selecting you as one of the potential candidates as a fashion designer for that establishment, you’d probably still be job hunting by now.

You sat at your desk, eyeing the surroundings of the large studio you were in at this moment. All of the fabrics, mannequins, tools, and machines just waiting to be used. It still felt like a fever dream to you.

The sound of the opening doors of the warehouse startles you, causing you to and some of the designers in the studio to turn around, while the others are still chattering.

Tess walks into the studio and stands in the middle of the room before bringing everyone’s attention. “Alright everyone,” she shouts with a loud clap of her hands, causing the rest of the room to quiet down. “I have decided to put you all in charge of creating the looks for Armani’s upcoming winter fashion show. Each of you will be given a model to work on, and you are welcome to create whatever you’d like, as long as it meets the requirements for the show.”

“But, isn’t the winter fashion show only a month from now?” one of the designers asked.

“Yes, Yes it is, actually,” Tess replies with a nod. “So I expect to see the best work done by you all within the time being. I’d like to see how well my designers can work under pressure.”

You let out a sigh in frustration and held your face in your hands. How the hell were you going to have a look ready in just a month?

Tess checks the time on her watch before looking up at the clock for reassurance. “The models should be arriving any minute now, once they get here I’ll be assigning them out to everyone, and we’ll start today off by taking their measurements and sketching out designs. When you are finished, I—“ Her words are cut off by the sound of the warehouse doors opening again.

You look over again with the rest of the designers to see another staff member enter the room with a variety of models trailing behind her in a single file line. She then approaches Tess to talk to her for a brief moment before soon exiting the warehouse by herself. “Alright everyone,” Tess shouts out again, looking down at the clipboard that was in her hands. “When I call out your name to your assigned model, I would like you to stand up from your desk so they know who you are.”

As Tess begins to assign the models, the sound of a chair swiveling over to your left makes you turn your head, and you see that it was Dina scooching closer to you. “See anyone you might like?” she whispers over to you, her eyes still fixed on the line of models in the room.

“I honestly could care less about who Tess puts me with,” you whisper back to her, leaning back against your chair and crossing one of your legs over the other. “As long as they don’t give me a hard time, I should be good.”

Dina nods in response, she opens her mouth to respond but is cut off by the sound of Tess calling out your name. As a result, you rise from your seat and stand behind your desk.

“You’ll be working with Anderson as your model,” she tells you, and you watch as Tess looks over to your model and points at you, indicating her to walk over to where you were.

Intimidation strikes through you as she approaches your desk. You can’t really put your finger on it, but from the first impression, you’re quite convinced it's because of her broad figure that stood out from everyone else. You look over to Dina, to which she looks back at you and simply mouths a ‘good luck’ on your end.

Tess soon does a quick check around the room, making sure each designer has a model to work with. “Alright, now that everyone has an assigned model, you can all get started. Remember now, the winter show is a month from today, so I hope you can all make the best use of your time.” and with that, she exits the studio, leaving you and the rest of the designers to be.

Abby has her side resting against your desk, watching you draw out some looks on your sketchbook. “Just so you know…” she starts, leaning in closer to your right side. “I’m like, the biggest model here, so don’t be surprised when you run out of fabric for that pretty outfit you’ve planned out for me.”

You look over to Abby and roll your eyes before setting your pencil down and opening the side drawer of your desk. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” you tell her as you take out the soft tape measure from your drawer and stand up from your seat. “Come on, let me take your measurements now.”

Based on that first interaction alone, you knew that Abby was going to be a distraction for your project, and boy you were right.

This past month has felt like hell for you, and Abby’s cocky, conceited persona wasn’t making it any better for you.

Things were fine at first, at least enough for you to manage. But it wasn’t until the second fitting that she’s been starting to really get on your nerves.

The fitting room in the Armani establishment was spacious, each designer/model pair had their spot to do the fittings and make any adjustments if needed.

Abby walks over to your side of the fitting room fully dressed in her runway outfit. You had beautifully created a navy blue suit that complimented her freckled skin and blue eyes perfectly, and the entire outfit had Swarovski crystals sewn all over the place. It was a timeless and classic look for the show.

It’s a shame that your model has to be so arrogant for the time being.

You look over to her and snap your fingers. “Stand over there,” you tell her, pointing over to the small, round altar that was next to you. Abby simply obliges and stands up on the altar to face you, both of her hands crossed at her front.

You notice this and walk over to her, grabbing at her hands. “I need your hands at your sides, you’re a model, not a security guard.” you tell her sternly, separating her hands so each one is at her side. You then sit down on the stool behind you, bringing yourself down to face her lower half so you can check the fitting of her suit pants.

Starting at the bottom of her pants and making your way up, the pants seem to fit well on her so far. Given Abby’s large build, the fit is as snug as can be, but not too tight to where it would make her uncomfortable when walking. If you had made it any tighter, you’re convinced that the fabric might rip.

However, it wasn’t until you look at the waistline of the pants. For some reason, that area looked unusually tighter than it was compared to the last fitting. The zipper on her pants looked like it was going to burst. It’s almost as if she was hiding something underneath…

You tap the side of her thigh to get her attention, causing her to tilt her head down. ”What’s this?” you ask, pointing at the slight bulge that was sticking out of her pants.

She simply smirks back at you and shakes her head. “Wouldn’t you like to know…” she mumbles out, looking back up.

Your eyes were still fixed on her face, and you grabbed at her crotch, causing her to slightly jerk back. You knew damn well what it was that she had in those pants.

“Jesus,” she says, looking back down at you. “Chill out, will you?”

“Take it off,” you tell her sternly, standing back up from the stool. “I’m not going to have my look completely ruined as a result from one of your little games.”

You were close to having an outburst in the middle of the fitting room since you were starting to get some looks from some of the other designers and models in the room, including Dina. It was a good thing that Tess wasn’t there to see it though.

Abby simply rolls her eyes at you and clears her throat before stepping off of the altar and exiting the fitting room to go change. The two of you were being quite immature about this, but you were seriously in need of your look to be perfect for the show, and Abby was keeping you from doing so.

A couple more weeks pass by and before you know it, the day of the show is just right around the corner from now.

Your shift at the studio had just ended, and people were starting to gather their things to leave, while you still sat by your large mannequin, making adjustments and adding touches to your look.

Dina walks up behind you and taps your shoulder, causing you to pull out one of your headphones from your ear and turn around.

“Hey,” she says. “Some of us are going to head out to Dalton’s for drinks. Wanna come with?”

You shake your head in response. “I can’t, I really have to finish this look in time for the show, I have to make sure everything’s perfect.”

You hear her let out a sigh and nod. “Alright well, just don’t stress yourself out, okay?” she asks, gently squeezing your shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” she says, and you nod back at her as you watch her put her bag over her shoulder and exit the studio.

Once she leaves, you notice Tess at walking towards you at the corner of your eye. “Hey kid,” she says leaning against your desk with her arms crossed, keys jingling in one of her hands. “You plan on leaving soon?”

You let out a sigh and turned your head to face her. “Just let me stay a little longer, Tess…I promise I’ll be out of here soon.”

She sighs back and hesitates for a moment while rubbing the back of her neck. “Alright, I’ll give you an hour, but that’s it. I don’t want you spending the night here.” She then gets off your desk. “I’ll see you tomorrow, the doors will lock automatically once you leave.”

You nod in response and thank her before watching her walk away from the dim lighting that shined on your side of the studio. You were instantly relieved to be able to have some time for yourself to work on the suit.

However, that doesn’t last long when another set of footsteps enter the studio and begin to approach you from behind once again.

A large hand grabs at your shoulder, this time causing you to jump up and turn around in fear for a moment before realizing who it is. “Jesus, Anderson…you scared the hell out of me,” you say, trying to catch your breath. “What are you even doing here? Your final fitting isn’t until Friday.”

Abby lets out a chuckle at your frightened reaction and shakes her head. “I just came here to get my car keys,” she says, grabbing them off the shelf where she had left them. “I left them last time I was here.”

You rolled your eyes and stood back up to face your desk and away from her. “Well, now that you have your keys, can you go now? I need to keep working.”

As you were about to put your headphones back on, Abby began to speak once again. “What’s your deal?” she asks you.

You let out a huff and set your phone down before looking back at her. “My deal is that I’ve had to deal with your arrogance this past month and it’s been driving me insane. All I want right now is to have this time to myself so I can finish this suit in time for the show.”

The smirk that was growing on Abby’s face right now was so big you could practically see it from your peripheral vision. She then begins to walk around until she’s behind you on your desk. “It seems like you could loosen up a bit, you know…” she tells you as she slightly leans in closer to your ear, trapping you between your desk and her chest. You could already feel a familiar bulge poking at your lower back. It was that same bulge that you were just grabbing at in the fitting room not too long ago.

You roll your eyes at her in response. “Is that so?” you whisper back to her, just enough so she can hear you. “And what might that be, exactly?”

Her hands make their way down to your waist, grabbing you and turning you around so you are now face-to-face with her. “How about I show you, yeah?” she whispers to you, to which you nod desperately.

Despite how much you couldn’t stand her, you really couldn’t help but be into her at the same time, and not only has she also been aware of it, but she felt the same way with you too.

You feel her hands move from your waist down to the buttons of your pants, and you look down at your lap as a result. “Let’s see what we have here now…” she murmurs, slowly undoing your pants and sliding them off your legs and to the ground. Once your pants were fully removed, she helped give you a boost so you could sit up on your desk.

Abby instantly opens your legs the second your ass hits your desk, immediately eyeing the visible wet patch that was seeping through your black underwear. “Well well well, what do we have here…” she mutters out, hooking a finger underneath your underwear and shifting it to the side, causing your wet pussy to be exposed to her and the cold air of the studio. “This all for me?” she asks, looking back up at you.

All you can simply do is bite your lip and nod as you try to resist the cold air hitting against your pussy. “Fuck, yes, Abs…it’s all for you…” you whine out to her.

“That’s what I thought,” she mutters back. Two of her fingers make their way into your cunt without warning, causing you to jerk back and involuntarily close your thighs shut. However, her other hand makes her way into the middle just in time before you do so. “Nuh-uh, don’t get shy on me now, princess,” she says, forcing your legs back open to stand in the middle. “You’ve been so bold with me this past month, so you’re not backing out of this now.”

Her fingers successfully go into your pussy the second time around, causing a moan to escape from your mouth as a result. Abby’s fingers were huge, to say the least, but they managed to stretch your pussy out so well. There’s no way that your pussy can’t take anything bigger than this.

But what Abby was about to pull out next was going to prove you wrong.

As Abby’s fingers continue to pump inside you, she begins to undo her jeans with her free hand, effortlessly getting them open and slightly pushing them down to her thighs. She then digs that same hand into her boxers and pulls out her black strap-on, causing your eyes to widen at the immense size. She was fucking huge.

“A-Abby…” you stammer out to her, quickly shaking your head. “That—That’s not gonna fit…It’s too—“

“Yes it will,” she says, cutting off your words. “My cock’s gonna fit. You’ll see.”

Her fingers quickly slide out of your cunt, leading you to whimper at the loss. With both of her hands now, she rubs her cock against your folds, collecting some of your wetness before sliding it into your tight hole. The stretch of the strap was a bit uncomfortable at first, but after a moment, you were shocked to see how well your pussy was easily taking it from the tip down to the base. It really was the perfect fit.

Abby smirks as she looks down at the piece of silicone that connected your bodies. “See? I told you it’ll fit,” she mutters out, bottoming out completely inside you. “This fucking pussy was made to take my cock.”

You were already starting to feel dizzy over Abby’s cock nestling inside your pussy. You were desperate for some movement.

“A-Abby…” you whine out to her, squeezing her bicep. “N-Need you t-to move…”

“What’s that, princess? You want me to move my cock?” she asks, to which you nod in response. “Need me to thrust my big cock in that desperate little pussy of yours? Don’t worry, baby, I’ll do just that for you.”

And with that, she begins to slowly thrust inside you. You could practically feel it all within her movements, the girth, the veins, hell, even the tip would kiss at your cervix every time she bottomed out into you.

Abby grabs at both of your thighs, slowly starting to speed up her pace. “I think I can go a little faster now, don’t you think? Your pretty pussy’s already doing so well for me, angel…”

“Fuck, y-yes, Abby…f-faster…” you slur out as you throw your head back in pleasure, gripping both of your hands onto your desk while she continues to thrust inside of you.

One of her hands leaves your thigh and grabs at your jaw, tilting it down to face her. “Look at that now, my girl’s getting so cockdrunk for me…I bet it feels good, doesn’t it?”

Abby’s gaze soon brings down to your chest, smirking once she notices your hard nipples poking through your shirt. She then lets go of your jaw and pulls your shirt up to your tits, watching in awe at the mere sight of them. “No bra?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. “I didn’t take you to be such a slut like that…It’s almost as if you were waiting for this to happen.”

At this point, your brain was losing focus, and you couldn’t figure out what Abby was saying to you right now. Once she sped up her pace again, all you could think about now was getting to your release.

Abby now has her gaze focused on the sight of your pussy, watching as it squeezes and contracts around the strap with every thrust. “Looks like you’re getting close, princess. Are you gonna come for me? Gonna be a good girl and cum on my cock?”

“Y-yes, f-fuck! I-I’m getting close…” you whine back to her, leading her to thrust even faster inside of you, your moans soon getting loud enough for them to practically echo inside the whole studio.

It didn’t take long for you to reach your peak. Your cunt pulsed a few more times around Abby’s strap before cumming completely with a loud moan of her name, causing a white ring to form around it.

As you began to catch your breath, Abby slowly pulled herself out of you, groaning as she saw a thick white string of your cum connecting between your pussy and the tip of her strap before soon breaking. She then ran her fingers through her length, collecting all of your release before soon sticking them inside of your mouth while it was still agape.

After sucking her fingers clean, she pulls them out of your mouth and tucks her strap back into her boxers before putting her jeans back on. You watch as she briefly gets down onto her knees and brings her face into your fucked out pussy, gently licking and sucking it clean, savoring each bit of it as she did so.

Once you were all clean, Abby rose back to her feet, helping you with your underwear and with the rest of your clothes as well. Her hands then moved from the button of your pants back down to your hips, guiding you off of your desk and back on your feet. You stumble a little bit into her at the sudden movement.

“Hey, you okay?” she asks softly, catching you in her arms.

“Y-yeah, yeah I’m okay…just a little worn out.” you pant out to her as you gain back your composure to turn around towards your desk and gather up your things to leave.

“Well, at least let me give you a ride back to your place,” she insists, grabbing her keys off your desk. “It’s already late outside, and I don’t think it’s quite safe for you to be walking around out there at this time.”

You hesitate for a moment at first. You’d honestly hate to inconvenience Abby to give you a ride home, but given that she was the one offering, you didn’t seem to mind too much about it. In all fairness, it was already late hours in the city, and given the damage she’d done to your legs, there was no way you were going to last walking for five minutes down the street. So you end up accepting her offer.

“Yeah, sure…I’m not stopping you, honestly…” you tell her with a chuckle as you put your bag over your shoulder, ready to head out.

You then follow along beside Abby as the two of you exit the establishment and make your way to wherever her car is situated. Abby opens the passenger door to let you in first before letting herself in on the other side. She then starts up her car before merging into the city’s busy roads.

The ten-minute drive flew by surprisingly fast, and before you knew it, she was now parked in front of your apartment complex. She leans in to give you a quick kiss before soon pulling away. “So, I’ll see you on Friday, then?” she asks.

You can’t help but smirk back at her, even though you were biting your lip to hide it. “I’ll see you on Friday, Anderson.” you tell her with a nod before opening the door to let yourself out.

But Abby doesn’t leave just yet. Instead, she makes sure that you get into your apartment safe and sound. Once your lights were on, that was her cue to go.

You watch from your apartment window as she drives back into the busy roads, soon disappearing from your view.

And for the first time this month, you have to admit that you’re now actually looking forward to seeing her again.

a/n: i hope you guys liked this fic!! i might make another part if this goes well?? but aside from that my next fic will be bfm!abby for those who are waiting, i promise 🤞🏼 lmk if you’d like to be tagged for when i post it!!

(also ty for 700, i love you guys 🫶🏻)

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heartpascal · 2 years ago

Text

the world is brighter

▹— joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹— summary: joel is trying to be someone he’s not.

▹— a/n: so this is meant to be the reluctant daughter fic…. and it didn’t turn out exactly the way i planned :( not sure that i like it at all honestly, but i wanna put smth out for y’all and this is 13K words that i cba to rewrite so… love you.

▹— warnings: references to suicide attempt, familial loss, previous good relationship with (assumed) biological dad, blood, so much blood, murder (you kill someone), fighting, i think you could class this as dissociation/blackouts but i’m not sure (pls tell me if it’s something different), fighting, canon-typical violence, angst — please tell me if there’s more, ive been trying to keep up to date but i’ve written this fic over so many days. be mindful, this one might be kinda heavy.

▹— tags: @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @erensloveinterest @dazedshoon @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @sleepygraves @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @ilybbg @rvjaa @oliest19xx @pedropepsi @sunflowersdrop @truthfuleeyours (if you’ve been tagged it’s because you requested to be on my general taglist! if you want your tag removed, drop me a message! <3)

masterlist

howl’s song associations!

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Living in Boston QZ hadn’t been your idea. No — you never would have chosen the so-called safety of the walls, which were only filled with bad people and worse authority, but you had been left with no other choice.

Pronounced an orphan on your way to the QZ, you didn’t know what else to do. With nobody to guide you or advise you, you had gone ahead with the original plan, walking the final twenty-something miles alone, in some sort of absent state.

The journey was a blur, and so was the arrival, you only really remember seeing the green flash of the cordyceps tester, reminding you of all you had lost. Every time you closed your eyes after that, the shade of green haunted you.

They had put you up in a FEDRA school, and so you began your training to become an officer. You hated it, hated the FEDRA organisation as a whole, and hated being in Boston when the person who had wanted to be there didn’t make it.

You tried not to make a habit of sneaking out after the first time, but you couldn’t help yourself. Most days, you were so exhausted from your nightly adventures through the QZ that you got everybody into doing more drills. Not many people were a big fan of you, but that was the way you preferred it.

You liked being alone, really. Enjoyed the silence that echoed through your room, the absence of other people letting you simmer in your own feelings. Your father had always reprimanded you for wallowing in your own self-pity, but he was no longer around to do such a thing. So, you wallowed.

Between climbing out of your bedroom window, jumping across rooftops to reach a particular apartment building with an actual view outside of the wall, you spent your time disconnected from the hellscape you lived in. Everything felt so far away, so out of touch, and the only moments you blinked back to reality, you were dripping in blood. Down your face, your hands, so much of it that you didn’t know where it started or ended. Or if it was your own.

Everything coming back into focus at once was dizzying enough, and sometimes that feeling was so closely related to blood loss that you had been sure somebody must’ve stabbed you, must’ve finally managed to get past your survival instincts, must’ve brought you to your end, at last.

But then you’d wake up, blood dried, no sign of the looming figure of death in front of you. There was only one occasion where the blood must’ve been mostly your own, and that was a broken nose. You pretended not to be disappointed, each and every time. Despite everything you had done to survive, everything you still do, there was a darker part of you that hated yourself for it. That blamed you.

It was one of those times yet again, where one moment you swore you were paying attention in your FEDRA classroom, and the next you blinked, eyes opening to the sight of bloodied hands in front of you.

It was everywhere, you would swear on it, underneath your fingernails, between each digit on your hand, even dripping down your wrist. It was warm and clung to your skin, even when you wiped your hands against the jeans on your legs. You blinked again, finally moving your eyes away from your sticky hands, and you gulped down a lump in your throat at the sight in front of you.

You recognised the man — a snarky guard at FEDRA, one who always had it out for you. You could see a slither of the face that always glared over at you underneath all of the red blood.

It didn’t take much realising to know that you wouldn’t get away with this thing, that this would be something that killed you. If they found out, if, then you were dead.

You needed to know, had to be sure, if this was going to be the final thing, your final action, if you had actually killed a FEDRA guard. But despite that, despite knowing that you didn’t have another option than to look if his chest was rising and falling, you couldn’t draw your eyes in the direction. Even when you tried, your chin fell to your chest, eyes back on the hands that were cradling one another in your lap, feeling far too heavy for your arms.

With the sharp way your breath was coming into your chest, you were starting to realise that your hearing hadn’t returned with your sight, and you jumped when the realisation brought it back, a rush of sound hitting you all at once.

The distant sound of gunfire, the whirring of a generator nearby, the sound of your own hyperventilating breaths, it all echoed too loudly, far too much going on for you to comprehend it all. So much so that you missed the footsteps heading your way, missed the sound of crunching stone as somebody else stepped foot on the rooftop.

A hand against your shoulder had you rearing around, fists drawn back and pushing forward until they hit the person, hard, and the hand was immediately withdrawn. You continued forward, eyes blinking closed in a flinch as the hand grabbed your wrists, holding tight until you stopped trying to pull them away.

“Jesus Christ— Tess, get on out here!” The voice belonging to the person holding on to you yelled out, about as loudly as he dared, and you bared your teeth with clenched fists at the woman who pulled herself up from the fire escape on the apartment building.

“Jesus,” She echoed, looking between you and the FEDRA agent with raised eyebrows, a slight grimace, marring her features. She looked over at the man who was grasping your wrists in a bruising grip with a questioning gaze. “What the fuck went on here?”

“Get your fucking hands off of me!” You spat out, tugging your arms, trying to get out of the man’s grip as you grit your teeth, your mind still reeling with everything that was going on.

He stared sternly at you, “You gonna calm down?” When you responded with a more than angered nod, he nodded, releasing your wrists and stepping away, leaning to look at the FEDRA guard still lay at your side. He kicked the guy in the side, and there was no hint of a reaction. “Dead.” He told the woman, Tess, with an odd look on his face.

“Well, shit, kid.” Tess sighed, hands on her hips as she looked at the situation before her. She shook her head with a tut, and approached to have a look at the guard herself. “What happened?”

You just continued baring your teeth, metaphorical hackles raised high, and Tess just responded with a blank look on her face, a dismissive purse to her lips as she moved her gaze over to the man.

He tilted his head, looking between you and the body, “Could’ve been anyone.” He suggested to Tess, rocking his head from side to side in something like deliberation. You stared hard at the two of them, confusion still buzzing through your head.

“Could’ve been.” She agreed.

They shared a look, communicating between only their eyes, and they had no reaction to the way your hands clenched, your head snapping between them. You didn’t know what had happened, couldn’t understand what was going on, and you had no idea who these people were. It really didn't provide any reassurance, and your eyebrows lowered over your eyes, a glare prominent on your features as Tess huffed.

“C’mon, kid.” The man said to you, offering a hand to help you up from the ground. When you stared at him, that glare on your face, he raised his eyebrows in annoyance. “It’s either you come with us, or you’re found here with him and hung. Your choice.” He told you, hand still offered out, and you grit your teeth as you took it, letting him pull you to your feet, and steady you when you stumbled, everything feeling a bit too real.

You focused on where you were going, rather than who was leading you there, as the two of them took you down the fire escape, hurrying you into an open window on the second flight down from the top. You didn’t take any notice of the bloody handprint Tess wiped away after you had managed to get yourself through the gap, instead looking for the doors.

“You can calm down, kid, we ain’t gonna hurt you.” Tess said, sounding snarky as she moved past you to their kitchen, where she helped herself to a glass of illegal alcohol. You raised your eyebrows, knowing that wasn’t a FEDRA-supplied bottle.

You huffed, watching the man look around the area before he shut the window, flicking the lock into place. “Can never be too careful.” You murmured in response.

“Ain’t that the truth.” Tess said, somewhat amused. “I mean if anybody here’s showed some aggression, that’d be you. Gonna tell us what went on up there?” She asked between careful sips from her glass, measured, or maybe, savouring sips.

At her question, your eyebrows furrowed once more, and you pulled your bloodied hands close to your chest, jaw clenched.

“No?” She asked, leaning forward with an expectant expression, and she opened her mouth to ask some more questions, say something else, but the man cut her off.

“Tess,” He warned, eyebrows raised, “Take it easy.” He glanced back to you, to the hands you held close to yourself, and frowned. With a nod of his head, clearly expecting you to follow, he headed down the hallway. You looked at Tess, hesitantly following the man as she nodded with an exasperated scoff.

He opened a door, revealing their bathroom, which had certainly seen better days. You wouldn’t exactly cheer for the bathrooms at FEDRA school, but jesus — at least it was better than what the general public got. “Head on in, clean yourself up. Don’t want anybody seein’ that on you.”

With some reluctance, you kept a hostile expression plastered on your face as you stepped into the bathroom, flicking on the tap in the sink and running your hands under it. Up until that point, you had remained ignorant to the way the blood clung to your skin, sticky and not quite cold, but now there was the opportunity to be rid of it, you became desperate.

The water helped, slightly, but not fast enough for your liking, resorting to the scraping of your dull nails against the drying blood, up until flakes of red started to melt away, colouring the water as it drained.

Their mirror was broken, and you couldn’t have been more glad. You were sure that if it had been there when you glanced up, if you had to look yourself in the face, you would be sick. You didn’t want to face the fact that all of this was real. You had just killed a FEDRA guard.

“Alright, that’s enough of that, now.” The man said, reaching into the sink and pulling your hands away from the stream of water when you ignored him. He shut the tap off, staring at you with that same strange expression, only glancing away to grab the towel that hung over the door. You took it, drying your hands hastily before you shoved it back towards him.

You were shoving past him before he could get another word out, barely even able to grab the towel as you passed it back. He blinked, a frown forming a deeper crease than usual between his brows.

“Listen, I—I really need to get back. Curfew is going to be over soon, I think.” You fumbled around the words, hurrying down the hallway you came from and spinning around in the room to try and reorient yourself. You finally saw the door you believed to be the exit, and headed towards it.

“Well, hold up,” Tess said, frowning and reaching out to you, stepping back with a slight scoff when you moved away from the reaching arms. “Daylight’s gonna break any second, you’d be better off waiting for curfew to be over with. And,” She added, tilting her head at you with a stern look, “You still haven’t told us what went on. We’re covering your ass, right now. If anything goes to shit it’ll be us keeping you safe. You realise that?”

You did realise something — and that was the kind of people you were dealing with. You’d heard from them, and not from the FEDRA teachers, but from other trainees, other students.

When the world went up in flames, FEDRA had been the first to seize onto power, and they held on to the pretence that they had never let go. But the world was still burning, and the people had begun rioting, and there was another opportunity for a power-grab. It was people like this who had taken that opportunity, who had made something of themselves in a world on fire.

You knew then that the way she had likely gotten that bottle of alcohol was through her own network. She was a manipulator, clearly, a blackmailer. She used the resources she had, and she definitely made the most of them. She wasn’t bluffing.

“So, what? I don’t tell you and you sell me out?” You ask, despite knowing the answer. Part of you wants to hear her say it, though, wants to hear the admission of being a bad person. Then again, maybe she was the good guy, you thought, after remembering the blurry image of that guard, lay still on the roof above where you stood.

Tess tilted her head, “Pretty much.”

“Well, fine. Be my guest. As much as I would love to comply with your blackmail, I couldn’t tell you. Don’t have a fucking clue what happened up there. I’d say try asking him, but…” You snarked in response, another bare of your teeth, another raising of your hackles. Tess was looking more frustrated by the moment, if the slight twitch of the skin of her brows said anything. She held herself together pretty well. If it weren’t for the stark difference between times like now and the times of blacked out memories, blurred images, you likely wouldn’t have even noticed. But it was like everything was so clear when you actually looked, and you noticed details that most people wouldn’t.

“Joel,” Tess sighed out, and even the cadence of her voice revealed the annoyance that was growing within her. “Help me out, here?” She asked, because despite every front that the man put up, he was still better with kids than she was. There was something about him, an authority, she wondered, that just made people fess up.

You looked over to the man, to Joel, to see his eyes looking at you with more recognition by the second, a pull to the frown on his lips that suggested he knew something that you didn’t. You weren’t a fan of the look.

He gritted his teeth at the whole situation, his chest aching with familiarity. Joel knew, probably better than anyone, that look in your eye. “I believe her,” Joel answered Tess, hesitantly, rolling his eyes when the two of you immediately looked at him with dumbfounded expressions. “Look, Tess is right. You’re better off sticking ‘round here ‘til curfew drops.” He told you then, his voice gruff as he leaned to look out of the window, seeing the light outside growing brighter each passing minute.

You huffed, but crossed your arms in defeat, shoulders slouching where you stood.

“But remember, you owe us.” Tess said scathingly, a crease running along her forehead before she turned away, heading down the hallway. She pretended that she didn’t hear the way you scoffed at her words.

You and Joel stood opposite each other, the room tense. He cleared his throat, uncrossing his arms so the two of you didn’t mirror each other quite so accurately, and he turned to grab his own glass of booze. “So, uh, you go to school? FEDRA?” He asked, talking over the sound of liquid being poured into his glass.

“Yeah.” You responded lamely, tapping a foot against the floorboards of their apartment, avoiding looking at the man.

“You know the guy, then?” He questioned, eyebrows raised as he turned back around to look at you.

The look you gave him was scathing, but you gritted your teeth and responded anyway, seeing no other choice. “I guess. Gives me— gave me a hard time for dumb things. Don’t know what happened last night, before you ask.” You said, correcting your words to the past tense, and your chest felt hauntingly empty, despite what you had done.

Joel shrugged at you, “Wasn’t goin’ to.” He responded, mouth set in a thin line before he took a long sip from his drink. “Get some rest, kid. Got an hour or so, yet.” He told you, seeing your exhaustion before you had even felt it, apparently.

You blinked at him, surprised. The idea was tempting, you could admit, but it didn’t feel like a good idea to go to sleep around two strangers. At any moment, they could have a change of heart. It was best to stay on guard, to be ready to run at a moment’s notice. That was the way you always played these type of things, and it worked out.

He drained his glass, shrugging at you when you didn’t move to head towards the sofa he had vaguely gestured at, and said, “Suit yourself.” Before he walked down the hallway, following Tess.

You waited there for more than a few minutes, so still, making sure you didn’t make a sound, waiting to hear when one of them would come back to keep an eye on you. You had never felt more confused when they didn’t.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Ever since then, the world seemed to blur around you even more. And despite getting out in the hold at school after getting caught trying to sneak back in, it didn’t deter you, and they didn’t seem to suspect you of anything. You had heard the whispers about the dead FEDRA guard, though.

You tried not to listen.

Instead, you spent even more of your time sneaking out, but allowed that haze to fall over you with even less of a fight each time you went out. It was easier, that way, to let the world fall away and leave you with memories smudged in blood, that you certainly didn’t remember acquiring. Nothing in them was clear, and the cycle of waking up covered in blood didn’t stop.

More often than not, though, it was beginning to be your own blood. Apparently, your hazed self had become terrible at picking the battles you fought, and you’d blinked back to reality more than once when sparring at school, the jolt of pain when somebody caught an injury bringing you back faster than anything else had.

When you blinked back into reality this time, however, it was with warm blood dripping down your face, a hand gripping onto your head and keeping it upright when it began to fall to one side. You didn’t expect to see a familiar face, that was for sure.

“Joel?” You asked, incredulous, your voice slurred as you spoke through blood in your teeth.

“Well, she’s alive.” He said, not to you, barely even acknowledging your questioning tone as he glanced behind him to somebody you couldn’t see. Tess, presumably. “What have you gotten yourself into this time, kid?” He grumbled, voice gruff as he looked over your head for injuries, a grimace on his face at the amount of blood dripping down your temple.

His hand left your head a moment later, and you just about caught the weight of it before your chin could hit your chest, leaning back and settling the crown of your head against what felt like a brick wall.

A hand against your shoulder caught your attention when your eyes had been drifting closed, without you knowing they had even begun to do so, and you blinked them back open. “Jesus, how many times are we gonna have to save your ass?” Tess asked rhetorically, a grimace that matched Joel’s on her face as she looked at the state of you.

“‘M fine.” You grumbled, moving to try and push her hand away but only pulling your hand back with a hiss at the sudden throbbing pain that bloomed in your fingers.

Tess smiled sarcastically, “Yeah, sure you are. Those are broken, by the way.” She said, nodding down to the fingers on your hand which were bloodied and bruised, swollen and now so painful you had to grind your teeth together. Your knuckles were split, and you looked around, seeing no sign of a body, but you couldn’t help wondering what the other guy must look like.

You didn’t say anything else to her, just focusing on keeping your eyes open and attempting to remember whatever had happened to lead you to such a state. Nothing came up.

Even when Joel lifted your arm, hand gripping your wrist tightly as he pulled your elbow around his neck until he was holding most of your weight. He stumbled slightly when you did, and let out a gruff comment about you handling some of your own weight.

You did your best, but he ended up practically carrying you all the way back to their apartment, which was a couple of blocks. You vaguely wondered how they had even come across you, but figured you were in no place to ask questions.

“Remember what happened this time?” Tess asked, opening the door to their shared apartment so Joel could pull you through it, his arms straining to keep you upright. It was a much harder task when you were conscious but barely in control of your own limbs. He had thought about carrying you, but decided that was much too strange.

You shook your head, but realised she was facing away from you, and you hoped Joel hadn’t noticed your mistake. “Not a fucking clue.” You slurred out, tongue feeling heavy in your mouth as it tried to spell out the words.

Joel huffed out a breath through his nose as he set you down against their couch, his shoulders slouching as he finally relaxed his muscles, feeling a distant ache in his arm from being so tensed. He went down the hallway a second later, disappearing from your view.

“You are one lucky kid.” Tess drawled, the scene so familiar to the first time you met the two of them, as she held a glass of alcohol loosely in her hand. Distantly, you wondered if they had a glass every day, and if that meant they had shitloads of the stuff stored away somewhere, but decided you probably shouldn’t be thinking about it.

You scoffed, brows furrowed in aggravation despite the fact they had probably saved your lives. “Yeah, lucky. Sure.” You said, likely the clearest you had been able to speak since you’d woken up. Or become aware. You weren’t really sure which was more accurate.

Tess smiled, a sarcastic one that was full of humour and annoyance, “Oh, you don’t think so? Should we think about what could’ve happened if somebody else had found you there?” She asked, eyebrows raised, and you grit your teeth to stay silent.

You, better than anyone, knew what could’ve happened. You knew what people in this QZ — hell, in this world, — were capable of. So maybe you were lucky that Joel and Tess had found you, considering that they hadn’t ratted you in to FEDRA just yet, but you knew that the one thing this world would never generate is trust. They could be just as bad, or worse, as anyone else who might have discovered you there, bloody, injured, and completely unaware.

After all, you were at their apartment, with no idea why.

“She knows, Tess,” Joel grumbled, reappearing from the hallway and looking just as unhappy as ever. He sighed, drawn out and heavier than you had expected, and held up a wet cloth. “Come on, kid, get yourself cleaned up.” He handed it over to you, and ushered Tess to follow him back down the hallway, where they spoke in harshly whispered voices.

You wiped the side of your face, getting rid of the sticky blood that was coming from the side of your head. It was kind of difficult to do with no mirror, but you wiped as much of it off as you could get to before you stopped, breathing through the pain in your head, your fingers, the left side of your chest. You grimaced as you tried to wipe blood away from your split knuckles, your broken fingers. It hurt, and it was too real of a pain.

You paused when you heard Tess’s voice raise, “She’s going to get us caught, or killed, Joel!” She said, before her tone lowered once more, further discussion happening between them. You wondered what they could be talking about — they held no obligation to pick you up off of the streets. They didn’t owe you anything. As far as you were concerned, you didn’t owe them anything, either. Everything they had done was of their own volition, meaning you hadn’t forced them into anything.

For whatever reason, they felt the need to help you. You couldn’t pretend to understand it, but you did know that this couch was much more comfortable than the stones of whatever street you had been lay on were.

Joel came down the hall soon enough, a crease between his brows, and he grunted when he saw the poor job you had done of cleaning yourself up. “Get to the bathroom, kid. We’ll patch you up there.”

“Why?” You asked, before you could help yourself. They didn’t need to be doing this, so why were they? Tess was right, you were only a danger to whatever operation they had going on, so why?

“It’s either that or you carry on bleeding out on our couch.” Tess called out, rustling through something as soon as she emerged from the hallway, busying herself in drawers and cupboards.

You figured it’d be in your best interest to not bleed out on their couch.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Weirdly, it was the fourth time you ran into Joel and Tess that everything seemed to fall into place. Except this time, it was you doing just that, running into them. Or more accurately, him.

You had hit against shoulders in your fast pace, sending various people tumbling backwards or stepping out of your path. Helpful for you, yes, but also helpful for the group chasing you. You tried not to look back, but the footsteps chasing you were growing louder and you had to know how close they were.

One look over your shoulder led to you colliding with somebody, and you cursed as it sent you spilling to the floor at their side. With a scathing glare on your face, your heart going a mile a minute, you looked up to see none other than Joel fucking Miller.

“You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.” Joel murmured, eyes wide as he looked to where you had fallen after running into him. The alarm in your eyes made him move to face where you were looking, and there were three of Robert’s goons. He noticed, quickly, the knife that one of them was holding.

Without a second thought, he stepped between you and the group approaching, his hands clenching into fists as he grit his teeth. He wasn’t good at negotiating, at talking — that was more of Tess’s side of the deal. If it came to it, though, he could take on these fools. And he could play it off as if he was defending himself from the knife they were carrying, if need be.

They sputtered to a stop in front of him, a wary look exchanged between the two men, as the woman behind glared daggers at him. “Come on, Miller, move outta the way.” The man holding the knife said, tilting his head to one side as if that was going to make Joel listen to his directions.

Joel’s eyebrows set lower on his face as he looked back to you, with your wide eyes, and the way you scrambled up to stand just behind him. He huffed, a tired sigh leaving him, and turned back to the goons.

“Not happening.”

The three of them scoffed, incredulous, and the woman stepped forward with a sneer on her face. “What? You some kinda saviour now, Miller? Gonna start defending all the helpless little girls?” She said, voice venomous, but she stepped back when Joel went to move forward.

You, however, were not having that.

“Helpless?” You questioned, a scathing heat burning its way down your throat, “I’d like to see you go and ask your boss how helpless I am.”

Joel’s hand blocking your path stopped you from stepping towards the woman, your teeth bared at her, but you remained behind the man. You may not like listening to him, but he seemed to know what he was doing far more than you did.

“You bitch,” The final man said, no weapon held in his hand, but there was something dark about him that even Joel could see. Joel pushed against you, putting you further behind him as the man stepped forward. “When I—”

Joel’s eyes darkened considerably, and he knew from the expressions on the group’s faces that they had seen his face harden. “When you what?” He asked, looking down at the group before him, something violent in his words, as if daring the man to finish his sentence, to say something that Joel didn’t like, to give him the excuse.

“Can’t you just mind your own goddamn business, Miller?” The one with the knife asked, his lips drawn back in what was almost a snarl as he tried to catch a good look at you from around Joel’s shoulder.

“This is my goddamn business. Now run yourselves back to Robert before this gets out of hand.” Joel said, the threat in his words clear despite him having said nothing particularly violent. It was explicit in his tone, apparently. His gruff words were somewhat of a comfort to you, though, a slight relief that you could stop running, for now. You were also hoping that this meant your messed up shoulder would be your only injury of the day.

“Are you having a fucking laugh?” The woman asked, incredulous, as she stared at where Joel stood tall in front of you.

“Do I look like I’m laughing?” Joel asked, being met with nothing but deadly silence. You peeked around his arm to see the three of them looking like fools in front of him, their cocky, entitled attitudes falling apart under the weight of his words. The three of them shared a glance, gritted teeth and angered glares, and looked to Joel with a more than annoyed expression.

The man with no weapon caught sight of you looking around Joel, and pointed his hand at you, “Just you fucking wait.” He threatened, putting his hand down when Joel’s shoulders straightened, his legs moving to take a step towards the man, who quickly backed away alongside his two companions. They left without another word, throwing angry looks over their shoulders until they disappeared out of sight, at which point Joel turned to you.

“How is it that I always find myself savin’ your ass?” Joel asked, mostly to himself, as he looked at where you stood, a hand holding your other and close to your chest. He sighed, heavily, “You hurt?”

“I’ve been worse.” You admitted, though Joel knew better than anyone. He could see on your face that the swelling from around your black eye hadn’t long faded to almost normal, he could see the stitched cut along the back of your forearm, could see the way you winced as you attempted to shrug, give up halfway.

Joel nodded, studying you for a moment, his eyes drawn to the way your clothes had been ripped after your fall to the ground. He frowned. It was getting colder as the days went on, and he was already sceptical about the lack of layers you wore. He huffed out another sigh, a frown pinched between his eyebrows, and looked back down the street to ensure the goons hadn’t decided to come back. When the coast was clear, he turned back to you where you stood almost nervously, and he realised this was the first time he had seen you out during the day time. Every other time he had discovered you it had been the midst of the night.

“C’mon, let’s get back.” He murmured, keeping the mean look on his face in case anybody else came after you. For once, you didn’t say anything, just following along at Joel’s side, wincing every time you moved your arm.

“I remember what happened this time,” You offered, when the two of you finally reached Joel and Tess’s shared apartment, with you taking your seat on their couch with a half-repressed sigh. Your feet were aching, and your shoulder was killing, but at least you could rest here for a while.

Joel looked up from his rummaging at that, surprised by not only what you said, but the fact that you had said it at all. Each time, one of them prompted you for information, and you never remembered. Or you weren’t willing to share the small details you did recall. It was strange for you to offer such information to him. “Yeah?” He prompted absently, continuing to look through drawers after his slight pause.

“Yeah,” You answered as you raised an eyebrow at his actions, wondering what he could be searching for. Before you could lose your nerve, you continued, “Got into some stupid business with some guy called Robert, and then he tried to rip me off. I got kicked outta school trying to get what he needed, too.” You scoffed as you spoke, paying less attention to Joel’s reaction and focusing more on your annoyance at the whole situation. “I just… got angry, started hittin’ the guy. Then ran away, and they started chasing me.”

“What were you goin’ into business with him for?” Joel asked after you had finished, his eyebrows creased together. Robert had a way of getting to old world stuff, but everyone knew he was dodgy. Often times, it was double-sold, or broken. He was a scammer, and that was coming from Joel, who had upped prices to ridiculous amounts on the shit he and Tess smuggled in, per her order, of course.

You huffed, “I dunno, just wanted something. Doesn’t matter, anyway. He didn’t have it.”

“Well, you tell me what it is and I’ll see what I can do.” Joel offered, unsure as to why. He hated himself for doing this, for letting you in, for feeling some inexplicable reason to help you each time you were hurt. He couldn’t understand it. Perhaps, he could say you reminded him of someone who’s name he refused to speak, but that wasn’t right. You shared very few similarities with her, in fact, Joel would argue that you looked more like him. That lost look in your eyes, the blurred vision you saw through when he found you covered in blood, the memories lost to bloodshed… it was like looking in a mirror.

He felt some sort of responsibility towards you — as if helping you could heal his own wounds. Joel figured he should’ve known by now that something like that would never work.

Perhaps, he just wished that someone could’ve pulled him out of that state, when he was in it. He couldn’t say your reasons for being like this, hell, it could just be a product of the apocalyptic world you lived in, but he figured that one day, you’d grow to be like him. And god, he was hoping that you could avoid it. So if him helping you could do that, could steer your path away from seeing him in your reflection, he’d do it.

“I said it didn’t matter.” You responded, snappily. Clearly whatever you had been after was personal, held close to your chest. He couldn’t blame you for not wanting to reveal it.

Joel said nothing for a moment, but looked at you from where he stood across the room. “You got kicked outta school?” He asked, instead of pressing the subject. He saw a weight lift off of your shoulder at the change in topic.

“Yeah, got caught sneaking out too many times. Said I must have some place else to go, and that I’m old enough to know what the fuck I’m doing.” You said, rolling your eyes at the memory. You weren’t all too bothered about it. Learning about the world through a government’s perception wasn’t all that mind blowing, and you hated drills. You didn’t want to be a FEDRA soldier. So, in reality, it was quite the gift.

You had to think that way, too stubborn to remember how your father had always talked about you going to those kind of schools, about you getting an education that was more than him just pointing out words and teaching you basic math. He had never quite understood that you learned more from him than you would from anybody else.

Joel’s eyebrows pinched, a look that was almost concern shining through his eyes. “You’re just a kid.” He said, having no reaction to the way you glared at him.

“I can take care of myself.” You told him, firmly, trying your best not to think about how many times he and Tess had pulled you out of shit, likely saving your life. It didn’t matter. At the end of the day, all you had was yourself.

“Where are you staying?” He asked, eyebrows raised at you, as if he was proving his point by asking it, especially when you didn’t answer immediately. All orphans went to FEDRA school, until they were old enough to get sent to a position as a guard or they were kicked back out to the street. He knew you weren’t old enough to be put in that position just yet. After all, FEDRA didn’t allocate housing to people of your age.

You looked to your hand in your lap, picking at the blood still stuck underneath your nails. “Not important.”

“No?” Joel asked, just a hint away from mockingly. You furrowed your brows at him, a frown pulling at your lips in defence.

“No.” You answered.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

You think now, that you would have never been in this situation if you hadn’t accepted Joel’s insistence that you stay with him and Tess. It had gotten to a point of normalcy, something so close to domestic that it had you sneaking out of their apartment, up the fire escape back to the roof where it all began to unravel, all those nights ago.

The stain of blood on the ground is still there, and you had been staring at it long enough that you were starting to miss where it began and ended. You still couldn’t pull the memories from that night from your skull, and you were starting to think they weren’t in there at all.

It had all led you to here, to where you sat, legs swinging over the edge of the air-conditioning unit on the roof of the building. Or at least, that’s what Joel told you these things were. You frowned at the memory.

You hated the way you had let all of this happen, had let yourself get closer to the people who seemed to always be there. They were more present in your life than any other figure, even before you moved in with them. It had seemed as if you only woke up from your haze when they pulled you out of it. You couldn’t begin to understand why, and honestly, you didn’t really want to.

All you knew was that this was exhausting. You had been present for the longest time you could remember since before your father had… well, since before everything changed. And it was all because there was a ball of anxiety in your chest, hammering loudly within the beat of your heart.

Maybe it was selfish, or foolish, maybe it was both, to feel so dejected over something that should be good. But it was all feeling too familial for your liking, and it was like a constant waiting game, constantly wondering when the other shoe would drop. There had to be some sort of catch, something would surely go wrong, because life with Joel and Tess was becoming too comfortable. You should’ve been happy for it. Perhaps any other kid your age would have been, but all you could think of was the time before Boston.

Images of a house, a father who cared about you, who bought you paints and brushes even when that would have been better spent on new boots for himself. You could remember the way the sole had been peeling away when you had last seen him, remember the way he had yelled at you, begged you to leave him behind.

Sure, you had listened, had walked away from him slumped against the wall of a decrepit convenience store, but you had never truly left him behind. All the times you had spent in Boston, in a subconscious state, there had been no more memories. Before Tess and Joel, the most vivid thing you could recall was your dad.

If you closed your eyes, shut out the image of the blood staining concrete, and focused hard enough, you could hear his laugh. Reluctant laughter was something you had often drawn out of him, because he found the only joy he had left in the world within you. But there was always that nagging worry, at the very back of his mind, reminding him that things weren’t okay.

Hell, the whole reason he had insisted upon leaving the house where you had spent most of your life was because he believed you would be safer in Boston, in a QZ rather than a small community with not enough firepower to cope with any hordes.

He’d been a firm man, with a furrow between his brows that you could now see in Joel’s face, and you hated it. Your dad had given up everything for you. Why were you seeing similarities between him and Joel?

“Come on, it’s time to get going!” Tess called to you, dragging you from where you were trying to conjure up an image of your dad that wasn’t his last moments. You huffed, pushing off of the air conditioning unit, and headed down the fire escape, taking your backpack from Tess where she held it out to you.

It hadn’t been your choice to go along with Joel and Tess, more of an order, given that they didn’t want to leave you alone at their apartment. They were running low on ration cards, not enough for you to survive alone, especially if anything went wrong. That was the whole purpose of their trip, they had told you, to get something they could trade for more cards. The two of them hadn’t explained to you the radio and music catalogue that sat in their apartment, but you had figured out that it must’ve been some sort of communication system. If you were going to go off of the way Joel’s head had snapped up when some song you didn’t recognise came on.

The three of you were setting off the next day, so it must’ve meant something to them.

Joel had said something about you being in for some kind of treat, assuring you that the trip would be worth it, despite the way you remained unconvinced. You didn't want to leave the QZ again, but part of you, that stupid childish part, was curious.

So you followed them.

You were quiet most of the trip, despite Joel trying to encourage conversation with you, a crease of concern to his face the more checked out you became.

In your own defence, you seemed to be on guard well enough when you retreated to that state where it wasn’t really you, and the whole trip was too familiar. If you didn’t focus hard enough on your surroundings, you would wake up and be with your father again, or you’d lack attention and hear that gunshot as you walked away.

It was easier this way. Safer.

You also didn’t expect for Joel or Tess to notice anything different, but then you were blinking back into reality some time later, though you couldn’t tell how much. Joel’s face was in front of your own, his eyebrows furrowed, expression angrier than you had seen it in a while.

Looking around the area, over Joel’s shoulder, you saw a burning building some ways behind him, and your eyebrows raised in surprise. “What happened there?” You asked, your throat sore as you said it, your chest aching, and you were more confused than anything else at the sensation.

“What were you thinking?” Joel seethed, seemingly becoming angrier at your question, and you tried not to pay the emotion any mind. You looked around again, squinting your eyes and catching sight of Tess stood before the building, her gun raised to the doorway as if expecting something to come out of the blaze. “Huh?” He questioned, drawing your attention back.

“What are you talking about?” You asked, getting more confused by the second. You looked down to where your fingers were apparently covered in soot, and slowly connected that with the burning building across the way. “Wait, did I—”

“You can’t check out like that! You’re gonna get yourself killed.” Joel said, and you felt his hand squeeze your shoulder far more gently than the way he was speaking. He seemed… frantic, almost. You frowned, because nobody had ever really noticed you blanking out before, or at least, nobody had ever said anything to you about it.

Your awareness came back to you fully then, and you could feel the heat from the fire even all the way over here, so you couldn’t imagine the heat Tess was feeling. With a huffed breath, you pulled yourself to your feet, shrugging Joel’s hand off when he tried to help you as you stumbled slightly. Your bag felt lighter than it had before, but at least you still had it.

Joel grumbled, his hard expression unchanging as he turned away from you to go and grab Tess, nodding at you to follow them as you hurried away from the burning building, blinking as you tried to remember what had happened.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Arriving at Bill and Frank’s compound was… overwhelming. Which was probably the biggest understatement ever.

Tess and Joel didn’t think it pertinent to tell you where you were headed before leaving Boston, and you weren’t all that well versed in where smugglers got their items to smuggle. You figured it would be some run down place, that was mostly untouched by the outbreak.

You didn’t expect this.

Initially, it reminded you of the small community you had lived in with your father, all that time ago. Though this place was guarded much better, with that electric fence that Joel warned you away from. The houses looked good, and there was one down the street, with a wide porch and old kids toys piled in the garden, which made your heart clench.

You wanted to retreat back into yourself, to hide in that haze, to let the blanket of emptiness cover you, but then Frank was emerging from the doorway of their house, his grip tight on a walking stick, but his smile was wide. He was tailed by Bill, whose hands hovered hesitantly as he followed Frank.

“Tess! Joel!” Frank called, and held his arms out for Tess when she approached, sharing a hug like they were family. You were pretty sure that they were just friends, had no connection before the outbreak. It was strange, really, to think of hugging someone that wasn’t a relation. Or perhaps it was the caring part of it that had your brows creased. “And who’s this?” He asked, smiling at you.

With a nod from Joel, you introduced yourself to the man, trying not to shrink into yourself at his cheerful demeanour, and the suspicious glances of Bill from beside him.

“Bill, it’s fine,” Frank sighed, a roll of his eyes as he turned to the man. “Go get started on dinner! We’re going to sit out here, while the weather is nice.”

Bill grumbled, eyes darting between the three of you and the man he loved, but he turned with a resigned sigh. Frank grinned, a fond look on his face.

Tess busied herself setting the table, ignoring the way Frank scolded her for doing his job, only shooting him an exasperated smile. After a moment, Frank realised there were only four chairs set around the small garden table.

“Oh, I think there’s another in my art room.” He said, as he looked between you and the four chairs.

Unable to help yourself, “You have an art room?” You asked, which was probably the most you had spoken for the past few days. You ignored the way Joel seemed to perk up at your words, a glance going between him and Tess.

Frank smiled. He seemed to do a lot of that. “You wanna have a look?” He asked kindly, nodding his head and starting towards the house.

“Go on.” Joel encouraged with his monotone murmur. You hesitantly followed Frank into the house.

You didn’t look around much, instead opting to focus on keeping close to the man in front of you. If you looked to closely, you think you might see similarities to the home you had with your dad, and after already shutting down once on this journey, you figured that Joel wouldn’t be too pleased if you did it again.

It was wracking your nerves, the closer you got to Frank’s art room. You wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, not even your father, had he been here, but you were scared. You had gotten so good at removing yourself from a multitude of situations, but the concept of art had you grounded in place no matter how much you might have wanted to fade back into your mind. You can remember nights spent staying up late, dipping brushes in colours that resembled the world around you almost too accurately. The gentle swipe of paint across paper, canvas, walls, wood — whatever your father could give you, at the time.

It was the best thing you had.

You realise, now, that you had been escaping from the world for your whole life. Only back then, it had been to nicer lands, beauty put down on different mediums so you could physically touch it, could know it was true, it was real. The only thing that had changed was your method of escaping, really. Where you had once clambered for colours and depictions of the world in a different light, you now escaped to the very depths of your mind, hidden deep under sadness and fear and loneliness. Somewhere that you couldn’t be disturbed, wouldn’t have to think about the world and what it had taken from you.

You’re scared of wanting that old method of escape back.

When you enter the art room, you know your fear is valid. You know that the longing you have for paints and pencils and whatever supplies your father could get his hands on was back, or perhaps it was just the longing for your father returning full force from where you had buried it. Whatever it might have been, it was overwhelming.

It made everything feel like it meant more. Like the careful brushes of meticulously selected colours on white canvases was personal to you.

Frank’s art was covering the entire room, a stack of empty canvases in one corner, dwarfed by the amount of wooden frames that had sketched or painted pictures stretched over them. It was bright in here, the colours seemingly glowing from the light that was shining through the large windows, looking out on parts of the garden.

“This one isn’t finished,” Frank said, his voice quiet, and you looked to where you had forgotten he was standing. He leant heavily on his walking stick, gesturing with his free hand toward a canvas stood upon an easel — the first easel you had seen. When your dad first encouraged your interest in art, he had told you all about what his time in art class at school had been like. He’d told you about the easels, the shitty school paints — which were heavenly compared to what yours had been like — and his own art teacher. But easels weren’t the most common thing, and so you had never used one.

The painting that stood upon the strange-looking three legged stand looked like the beginnings of Bill’s face, blue eyes surrounded by carefully mixed colours to bring about the contours of the man’s skin. It was much better than anything you had ever painted.

“Have you ever painted?” Frank asked, after a few moments of hesitation. He’d lived in the apocalyptic world, too, but he hadn’t grown up in it. The man had more awareness than you expected, given his presence in such a protected home, but you supposed that if he knew Tess and Joel, it made sense that he would be sensitive of the world’s horrors.

You looked at the paintbrushes set out to dry beside an open window, and quickly drew your gaze away. “Yeah,” You responded, voice uncharacteristically gentle. You cleared your throat, annoyed at your own involuntary vulnerability. “My dad used to get paints, before I got to Boston.”

If Frank noticed your choice of pronoun ‘I’ and not ‘we’, he didn’t comment on it. He let your words settle for a moment, and you realised this was probably the most open you had been, the most you had spoken of your life before Boston. It was almost… sad. You think your dad would’ve loved Bill and Frank’s home, and the knowledge that nobody else would ever be able to consider what he would like was a painful admission.

“Well, I’m sure you could take some back with you.” Frank offered, a gentle smile on his face. He seemed to know more than he let on, even when your words were limited and he didn’t know you, hadn’t even met you before today.

You tried to brush your discomfort away, tried to unwind the stiffness to your shoulders. “That’s okay.” You said, fiddling with a button on your jacket as you took one more glance around the room, an uncomfortable tightening in your throat. “We’d better get back.” You prompted, walking to the chair in front of the easel and picking it up, gesturing for Frank to lead the way back to the garden.

“You alright?” Joel asked quietly as you set the chair down by his side, taking a seat in it a moment after as Frank and Tess began chatting away.

“I’m fine.” You snapped.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

It was on the way back from Bill and Frank’s that everything seemed to go wrong. For this portion of the journey, you made sure to cling on to every slither of awareness you had, digging your claws into consciousness and not letting go. You wouldn’t admit it, but the whole situation on the way there had shaken you.

You supposed it was different to the way blanking out in the QZ had been. After all, there was a certain amount of control in the QZ, much less of a wild factor than there was in the outside world. You could anticipate everything that you might come into contact with at the QZ, and each time, nothing was scary enough for you to even consider holding on to consciousness. Out in the real world, that was very different.

Despite travelling in it to the Quarantine Zone, there wasn’t a whole lot of that you could remember after the incident with your father. Everything was unpredictable, out here, and you were foolish to forget that. Especially after what it cost you the first time.

There may have been something else, though, something that had your fingers grasping onto reality so tightly you didn’t think you would ever let go. And that was the fact that it wasn’t just yourself that you were putting in danger, anymore, but Tess and Joel, too. And would you ever be able to forgive yourself if you came to awareness, just to see their blood on your hands? To find their bodies lay still? To be at fault once again for killing the only people left in the world that would see you safe? You could pretty confidently say no, you would never be able to forgive such a thing.

Even with your best attempts to cling on to your own awareness, it was clear that Joel and Tess didn’t quite trust your efforts. Given the fact that they refused to let you take a watch when night fell early, stopping to wait the darkness out just over halfway back to the Zone. Tess had already taken first watch, shaking Joel awake despite your offer to watch the area for him, so it was just you and Joel, Tess’s breaths long-since evened out.

“You can get some rest, y’know.” Joel said, his voice low to avoid waking Tess. You were well aware that she was a light sleeper, though you couldn’t blame her. It was the apocalypse, after all. Besides, it wasn’t like you were able to catch much sleep, too hyper focused on staying present to drift even into slumber, fearing you wouldn’t become conscious afterwards, fearing you would just wake.

“‘M fine, Joel.” You grumbled in response, eyes flitting around the rustling grass surrounding you, as if something was going to jump out at any moment.

Joel huffed, something between exasperation and vague amusement in it, and shook his head. “Sure, you are, kid.” He responded, adjusting his grip on the gun and resigning himself to the fact that you were going to stay up, no matter what he said. “Not gonna let anythin’ hurt you, you do know that, right?” He asked, after a long pause, and ignored the unpleasant way your face twisted.

“Why do you two help me? I don’t get it. Not done anything to help you, so why?” You questioned, instead of answering his question, too desperate to know to avoid the opening in the conversation. Joel sighed, a roll of his eyes, a deflection, as always.

“So impossible to believe that we could just be good people?” Joel replied, after your expectant silence lingered on uncomfortably. He shuffled, pausing when Tess moved, but only turned in her sleep.

You huffed, and Joel tried to ignore the way he was sure it sounded just like him. “Yes, it is impossible to believe that. You found me after I…” You paused, unsure how to go about admitting something you didn’t even remember. “After that FEDRA guard. Good people wouldn’t help me, after seeing that.”

“Been in your shoes, kid.” Joel said, at last, and you furrowed your brows at his answer. And the nickname he had taken to calling you. Joel didn’t exactly want to talk about it, both for the unpleasantness he had experienced and the worry that you’d retreat if he was honest. He could barely even explain the why to himself, so he had no idea how he could formulate it into words to tell you. “Not a good place to be, even worse if you’re alone.” He admitted, though he hadn’t been alone for as long as he could remember. There had always been Tommy, and after Tommy there was Sarah, and then his brother returned, but even then — he had Tess. But despite all that company, Joel knew exactly how it felt to be isolated, to be alone in your situation, to feel no other option than to retreat into yourself to get through the day.

He wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, let alone you.

You wanted to deny it, to tell Joel that you weren’t alone. That you already had a family you loved, that you already had a dad who cared about you, but what could you say? The truth was, he was gone.

“Get some sleep.” Joel said, dismissing the conversation before you could figure out anything to say. You just frowned at him, staring at him like his expression held all the answers, but as always, Joel revealed nothing. No reasoning, no answers, nothing. Finally, you turned away from him, resting your head against your backpack, eyes remaining open so you could keep an eye on the forest ahead of you for the last few hours of the night.

When the light finally a swept the last of the darkness away, the three of you set off again. Now, you were at the final stretch of your journey — so close to the QZ you could almost smell the pungent scent of fire and unrest. You never thought you’d be glad to see the decimated land around the Boston zone, but here you were, five steps ahead of Tess and Joel, who shared secret glances, communicating in a language you couldn’t understand.

They joined your side when you paused, waiting for them, just along the edge of where FEDRA usually patrolled. You looked to the two adults expectantly, not sure where you’d be entering the Zone, and figuring you must’ve been out of it if they had ever actually told you that part.

Now this, this was where it all went downhill.

“On your knees.” A voice from behind the three of you said, and you recognised the sound of a familiar FEDRA officer, from your time spent as a trainee. You just hoped he wouldn’t remember you. “I said, get on your knees!” He repeated, when the three of you had hesitated a moment too long, stepping forward and jabbing the end of his gun into the back of your knee. You grit your teeth as your knees buckled from the hit, dropping to the ground with your hands raised. You watched Joel and Tess follow when the guard moved towards them. Joel’s jaw was clenched.

“We’re just lookin’ to get to the QZ, man, that’s all.” Tess said, keeping her hands in the air and her head tilted as she tried to negotiate, as usual.

“Just a precaution, ma’am.” The guard responded, a snark to his voice. Despite what he said, when you first arrived to the QZ, there was no precautions this far out. In fact, it was only when you stalked towards the gate that guns were trained on you, your wrists bound until they got you through the main gate to test you.

He was patting down Tess, and you would’ve sworn you could hear Joel grinding his teeth together, clenching his jaw shut so tightly you wouldn’t have been surprised if it had broken. Meanwhile, you focused on trying to remember the name of the guard, trying to recall his temperament, whether he was easily swayed. You blinked your eyes shut, trying to see through the haze that clouded your memories as the guy moved on to Joel, but without seeing the guy’s face, it was too difficult.

“What kinda QZ has precautions this far out?” Joel grumbled as the guard moved along, checking the distance towards the gate with squinted eyes, and trying his best not to clench his fists as the guard moved towards you.

“You born yesterday, man? World’s fucked.” The guard answered, stepping away from you and moving to go around to see the front of the three of you. “Well, I never.” He chuckled, catching sight of your face as it fell, finally putting the voice to the face as you looked at him. “Don’t recall seeing your name on the exist list, trainee.” FEDRA had a bunch of awful guards, but this guy… Jerry, you were pretty fucking sure, was amongst the worst of them.

“Not a trainee, anymore.” You bit out in response, practically feeling the two adults beside you tensing up at the FEDRA guard’s recognition of you. “You even know my name, Jerry?” You asked, tilting your head upwards with your best reinvention of the careless expression that used to rile the man up so much.

He smiled, a grin full of rotten teeth and breath that stung your eyes as he leaned towards you. You resisted the urge to throw up over his shoes as he said your name, proving your hopeful taunt incorrect.

“Alright, now, no need for trouble.” Joel said placatingly, trying to keep the grimace off of his face in exchange for a more… reasonable expression. “We ain’t Infected, just a couple of folks tryin’ to be on their way.”

“Shut your mouth, and mind your business, fella.” Jerry spat towards Joel, before he looked back to you, a grin on that ugly face. “I’ve been trying to get the dirt to have you hung for months, now. Unauthorised exit? Well, that ought’a do it.” He said, morbid amusement dancing across his face. You just bared your teeth at him, a sarcastic expression donning your features.

“Careful, Jerry. You’re soundin’ awfully obsessed. Didn’t they out you for that, once already?” You asked, sarcastically, recalling the way he had been shamed outright by a higher up for getting on the trainee’s cases too much. FEDRA was strict already, so if he was getting publicly scolded for his obsessive behaviour, you figured it must’ve been bad.

You saw the way Joel was tensed up out of the corner of your eye, but didn’t dare turn to look at him, or even attempt to see how Tess was fairing.

It was when Jerry reared back, his rotten teeth bared, a sneer pulling at his features, that you saw Joel move. He’d noticed a second before you did, the way that the FEDRA guard was reaching for his smaller weapon, his handgun, barely getting it out of the holster before Joel was launching up and forwards, pushing Jerry and falling alongside him as they rolled down the slight slope to go towards the QZ gate.

“Joel!” Tess yelled out, a curse falling from her lips as she grabbed the stuff that Jerry had been attempting to confiscate before realising who you were. She dug through her bag, looking for her own gun, too risky to have it on her person this close to the QZ for this goddamn reason. You glanced between her searching frantically and the duo fighting slightly below you, before you caught a glint of metal in one of their hands. Did Joel have a knife? Did he have a knife, or was that Jerry’s? Was Jerry about to fucking stab Joel, who had tackled him to protect you?

You stumbled down the slight decline after the two of them, just as Jerry was catching the upper hand, something red trickling down his sleeve. You pulled the very gun he had tried to pull on you from its holster at his side, before he could even react to you having moved from where you were. He was slow, this guy, but that didn’t mean he was incapable. He was freakishly strong, and he bared bloody teeth at you as he moved to swing the blade in his hands down.

A crack interrupted his movements, blood dancing a crimson path down the side of his forehead.

Jerry’s body slumped backwards, falling away from where he had been about to fucking kill Joel Miller, all for what? His helmet made a dull thunk against the ground as it connected, and Joel was groaning, shoving the deadweight off of him with a bit of a struggle.

“The fuck were you thinking?” Tess asked, grasping onto Joel’s shoulders to help him up, only for him to hiss and pull away, and you vaguely saw Tess’s hand covered in a sticky sheen of blood that had leaked through the material of Joel’s jacket. “Jesus, Joel, you could’ve gotten yourself killed.” She scolded, pulling the jacket away and unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt to look at the wound. She dug through her bag to pull a few rags out of it, pressing the material against the fucking stab wound, and waiting for Joel’s steady hand to take over before she moved away. “Come on, we can’t wait around. If they’re patrolling this far out, something must’ve gone down, and I doubt anyone’s far enough to have not heard that.” She said, nodding pointedly towards the gun gripped tightly in your fingers.

At her reminder, you shivered, taking the knife from Jerry’s limp hand and replacing it with the gun. You wiped the blood — Joel’s blood — off of the blade onto the side of your jacket, before shoving it back in its place on Jerry’s vest, which you hadn’t even realised was there. You wondered if Joel knew, before he decided to attack him.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

You blinked, and realised you were already back at the apartment you stayed in with Joel and Tess.

Joel was sat at the table, med kit set out open in front of him, with Tess being nowhere in sight. He barely spared you a glance as you stood up from the sofa you didn’t remember sitting on, your brows furrowed as you looked around the room, as if the answers—the memories—you wanted would be revealed.

“She went to trade what we managed to get from Bill and Frank’s.” Joel told you, not even looking in your direction as he focused on fixing himself up. He had the rag in his hand once again, wiping at the blood still trickling from his wound. You wondered if Tess didn’t tell you where she was going, or if Joel just knew you weren’t present if she did.

You didn’t even know what had sent you back to the depths of your mind, this time. Was it shooting Jerry? Killing somebody whilst actually being fully responsible for your actions? Was it his threats about getting you hung? Or was it that very wound that Joel was tending to right now? The fact that once again, somebody got hurt, and it was your fault?

“Can you hand me the, uh…” Joel trailed off, gesturing over towards the counter where amber liquid sat in a glass bottle. You went over and grabbed it, placing it down on the table in front of Joel far harsher than you realised you were going to. You hadn’t quite noticed the way anger, or something defensive at least, had settled in your chest, stirring that brimming pot of guilt until it was almost flowing over the edges. “Thanks.” Joel said gruffly, splashing some of the booze onto the rag and pressing it to his shoulder.

You stared at him, waiting for him to say something, to explain himself, but he made no move to do so.

“What is wrong with you?” You said, finally, your voice loud and echoing around the barely furnished room, like it had burst from your chest, like you had no choice in the matter.

“Got stabbed, in case you didn’t notice.” Joel quipped, which seemed even further out of character for him. You vaguely wondered if you had just lost your mind, if this was all some made up scenario playing out in your head.

“Why did you attack him? He didn’t attack you, I—I don’t understand!” You told him, gritting your teeth when Joel just continued tending to his wound, not acknowledging your questioning. Part of you wished Tess was here so she could dismiss you before you could continue, but she was clearly nowhere nearby, given that she hadn’t burst into the room to stop any conflict. “Joel, answer me.”

He finally looked up, shaking his head. “What do you want me to say, huh? Somebody’s gotta protect you! Lord knows you don’t do it yourself! Rilin’ that guard up— it was reckless. He could’ve killed you, kid, and what would I have done then?” Joel questioned, his voice louder than your own, a booming thing that had you wanting to retreat. You refused, pushing it down in favour of the confrontation that you’d been putting off for months, by now.

“I can take care of myself.” You answered, spitting the words out like there was a semblance of truth to them. “I’m not your goddamn kid, Joel, there are plenty of other strays you could help out if I had died.” You continued, throwing the nickname back in his face, watching the way he recoiled, something unfamiliar flashing in his eyes.

“Now, you listen—”

He tried to say, only to be interrupted by you continuing on. “No! You’re not my dad, Joel! I already had a dad, okay? I had a dad, and he’s dead, and that’s on me. I won’t go through that again. You gotta stop puttin’ your life on the line for me!”

“Kid…” Joel trailed, the confession not exactly surprising him, but he felt a twinge in his chest nonetheless. He had figured all of this was catalysed by some kind of loss, just going by his own experience with the matter, but he had never known for sure. You were closed off — another way you were just so similar to him, and you’d never spoken about any family.

You closed your eyes, tears brimming in the edges, slipping down your face, and you wiped them away with a rough swipe of your sleeve against your skin. “You don’t understand. It was my fault. If it weren’t for me, he’d—… Every day I’ve been here, I’ve just been wishing we could’ve swapped places, wishing that he was here instead of me, because I can’t do this without my dad. But—But he could’ve, without me.”

“When my Sarah died,” Joel started, gritting his teeth against the pain in his chest that just her name brought. “I gave up. I—I lost any will to live, I prayed that it wasn’t real, prayed for God to switch our places, to trade her life for mine. Tried to end it, and when that failed, I got numb. Got lost in my head, ended up fightin’ anybody I crossed paths with, usin’ any excuse to hurt people, even while I was with Tess. Barely even remember it,” Joel continued, a strained laugh falling from his lips, his hand held to his chest in hopes of soothing some of the ache that originated there. “Just remember wakin’ up, covered in—in blood, not knowing who the hell I hurt. So, when I saw you, not even present in your own goddamn head, I figured that wherever you came from, whatever family you might’ve had, they wouldn’t want you ending up like me.”

That pot of guilt in your chest felt like it would explode, even as you blinked back tears, only getting harder the longer Joel spoke, the more he told you. You had never taken him for a religious man, but you supposed you could relate to that, that desperation to just save your family’s life.

“I’ve got too much blood on my hands, kid,” Joel told you, the words going past the literal sense of his own blood, spilled across his palms from that wound that you had caused. It was deeper than that, it was something you related to, like he knew that sensation of fresh blood that plagued you, like it was dripping over your hands all the time. “You gotta wipe yours clean.”

Clearly, that wound on his shoulder wasn’t his only open one. It was there, gaping in his chest, weeping waves of guilt and suffering that hit you with such familiarity. My Sarah. You couldn’t help but think about your dad, couldn’t help wondering if this was how he’d feel, if your places had of swapped.

“He was my dad,” You said desperately, like it could explain everything, like the simple statement could convey everything you couldn’t put into other words. That’s not something you can replace, something you can change, something you can forget. You opened your mouth to continue, but all that happened was the tears stinging your eyes fell, and you turned your head to the side, hoping Joel wouldn’t see the way your lip was trembling.

Joel’s arms were warm when he wrapped them around you, blood still tacky on his shirt where it pressed to your jacket, but you barely noticed it. “She was my daughter.” He said in response, and suddenly it made sense.

If anything about your relationship with Joel was true, it was that you were mirror images. Reflections. Two sides of the same coin, two sides of the same story, one that told of grief and loss and pain that would never go away. His response was the answer you didn’t even realise you had been waiting for. He was my dad, and she was my daughter. Not replacements, not something to try and fill the gaps. The acknowledgment was everything you needed to wrap your arms around Joel, to squeeze his shirt between your fists and cry, to cry for the dad that you lost, for the daughter he lost, for everything the two of you would never have again.

You weren’t Joel’s daughter, and he wasn’t your dad.

That much was true, and you knew it, because you had each other. And maybe, come morning, you would still leave the apartment like you had been considering doing all along, or maybe you would stay. Maybe, you’d let yourself have this, this little family made up of torn apart pieces, of members too damaged to fit just right, of a dad who lost his daughter, and a daughter who lost her dad.

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tinywitchgoblin · 6 months ago

Text

Good, Bad

Hunter x fem!reader x Crosshair, use of she/her but no use of y/n

Summary: nasty smut with Crosshair and Hunter (plot? who’s she?)

Word count: 3.3k (oops)

Warnings: smut MINORS GTFO, threesome (mmf) NO CLONECEST, unprotected piv sex (wrap it up in real life y’all), mention/use of sex toys and handcuffs, lots of degradation, also lots of praise, honorifics (sir), use of safewords, Tech makes sex toys, edging, face fucking/riding, oral (m and f receiving), spanking, creampies, choking, overstimulation, I think that’s it??

a/n: I rb’d this post ⬇️ with these tags and got an anon ask to write the fic so here we are!!

a/n 2: this is my first time writing explicitly kink stuff, so if I messed anything big up, please let me know. I did some research, but there’s a possibility that I missed something

What you had with Hunter and Crosshair didn’t really have a label. It wasn’t quite friends with benefits, given that you were exclusive, but you weren’t quite dating, either. What wasn’t ambiguous, however, was that the sex was top-tier. The two of them had lots of experience, and they sure put it to good use. They took you individually, together, in the bedroom, in the closet, in the shower, you name it. This dynamic gave new meaning to the concept of “variety is the spice of life,” and tonight, things were gonna get spicy.

So that’s how you found yourself in your room with the guys, Hunter stood behind you rubbing your shoulders to ease the tension there while Crosshair got things prepared. He’d grabbed lube, a couple of toys, a waterproof blanket for the bed, some water bottles, a couple of toys, and some other supplies to use throughout the evening.

“You sure you’re up for this mesh’la?” Hunter inquired, always intent on making sure you gave consent. One of his favorite things was asking for your consent enough times to the point where you’d beg for him to fuck you- and he loved every bit of it.

“Yes, I’m ready,” you affirmed.

“You remember the safeword system?” Crosshair questioned.

“Yes, I remember,” you reassured.

“Then say it back to us. We want to make sure everyone is on the same page, and that we keep you safe,” Hunter asserted. You turned around to look him in the eyes before responding, “Green means ‘keep going’, yellow means ‘slow down’ or ‘proceed with caution’, red means ‘pause’, and black means we’re done for the evening,” you recited. “And I’m green right now; all set to go.”

“Well done, mesh’la, I’m so proud of you,” Hunter murmured, nuzzling into your neck. “So good at being good.”

“There’s no way this little slut would forget the system,” Crosshair whispered from behind you, turning your face towards him before continuing, “We couldn’t fuck it out of her even if we tried. Little cockwhore needs to be filled, and she knows she needs the safewords in order to get what she wants.”

You let out a little whimper- so that’s the chosen dynamic for tonight. Hunter fed your praise kink, while Crosshair took hold of your need to be degraded. You lovingly referred to it as the ‘good cock, bad cock’ routine. “So… what are things looking like for tonight?”

“You see those toys over there?” Hunter indicated over to the dresser where Crosshair’s little ‘assistants’ for the evening were displayed. “Crosshair is gonna use these on you, and you’re gonna follow his directions exactly. When you do, I get to reward you. Deal?”

“If she’s good,” Crosshair corrected. “Sometimes the little slut can’t help but break the rules. And if that happens… no reward.”

“She’ll be good,” Hunter asserted. Turning to you, he asked, “Isn’t that right, mesh’la?”

“Yes sir, I’ll be good,” you assured. Hunter gave his brother a knowing look, to which Crosshair gave his usual scowl.

“Get on the bed, little cumslut,” Crosshair demanded, to which you gave a quiet “yes, sir,”

Crosshair led you over to the bed, grabbing a pair of cuffs on the way. They’d been specially made by Tech for these sorts of situations. In fact, all of the toys on display were ones Tech had made. His were better than any you’d been able to find at a store or online, so they showed up pretty regularly during scenes that involved toys. Holding up the cuffs, he asked, “What color?”

“Green,” you replied, holding your wrists to the bed frame where you knew he’d ask you to put them.

“Good girl, knowing exactly what to do,” Hunter praised, laying down next to you and brushing a hand over your cheek.

“You give her too much credit, she’s doing exactly what I fucking told her to,” Crosshair retorted. “Little bitch knows I expect nothing less. Isn’t that right, naughty girl?”

“Yes sir,” you responded, but that wasn’t enough.

“Yes sir, what?” Crosshair demanded.

“Yes sir, I did what you told me to,” you repeated. Hunter decided to stay quiet for the moment, letting Crosshair do as he pleased. Crosshair got up and walked back over to the dresser, looking down at his options for how to proceed. He definitely wanted to use the wand at some point; you always looked so pitiful when edged for long enough, plus hearing you beg to be allowed to cum turned him on like nothing else. He also considered using the buttplug, but that wasn’t the highest thing on his list of priorities at the moment. Browsing over the other options, he grabbed the wand and the lube, figuring he could come back and reevaluate later.

Meanwhile, Hunter had tilted your face towards him, kissing you gently. As he did so, one of his hands went from holding your face to massaging a breast, earning a moan, which he swallowed eagerly. Noticing that Crosshair was ready to continue, he pulled away, but stayed within arm’s reach to give you support.

“Color?” Crosshair asked.

“Green,” you gave, a bit more breathless than before. Hunter’s kisses always did that to you.

“This is what I’m going to do to you. I’m going to use this wand on you, and you’re not allowed to come. If you do, I’m going to use the cane on you, and for each second of your orgasm, you will receive one hit to the ass. Repeat back to me what I said.”

“You’re going to use the wand on me and edge me. If I come, I get one hit to the ass with the cane for each second of my orgasm.”

Without another word, Crosshair settled between your legs, squirting a bit of lube onto his hands and the wand before turning it on. He dragged it up the inside of your left thigh, watching you squirm, desperately trying to get some sort of friction. Putting down the wand and grabbing your legs, Crosshair forced them open even more. “Keep your legs open, little slut. I’ve seen you do it before, don’t be lazy.”

“You can keep those pretty legs of yours open, right, baby?” Hunter chimed in, brushing a stray hair out of your face.

“Yes, sirs,” you affirmed, focusing on keeping your legs open and ready as Crosshair kept teasing you with the toy. He would bring it closer to your aching cunt before moving it away. You knew he loved teasing you like this; you also knew he could take his sweet time when he wanted to. Thankfully, he was feeling a bit impatient tonight.

When he moved the toy to where you needed it most, your body jerked, trying to get more. A strong smack to the thigh told you to keep still as he ghosted the wand over your clit. You focused all of your energy on staying still and keeping your legs open, but it was getting increasingly difficult as Crosshair applied more pressure with the wand. The whole time, you could feel Hunter’s presence next to you, and at one point, he brought one of his hands up to hold yours where they were bound to the bed frame.

As you felt yourself approaching the precipice, Crosshair pulled the toy away and sat there for a moment, watching your cunt spasm around nothing, longing to be filled. But he wasn’t about to let you get what you wanted so easily.

“That was me going easy on you,” Crosshair divulged. “It only gets more difficult from here, and remember what I told you would happen if you come before I give you permission. No, tell me what happens if you come early.”

“If I come, I get one hit to the ass with the cane for each second of my orgasm,” you remembered. With a single nod, Crosshair redirected his attention to your pussy, reacquainting it with the wand. Tired from your first edge, your control over your body was slipping, and you felt your orgasm nearing once again. This time, Crosshair kept the wand on for longer, and you had to muster all of your energy to keep from coming.

Finally, he pulled away, and you breathed a sigh of relief. Looking over towards Hunter, you saw he’d started palming himself, patiently waiting for the show to continue. When he saw you looking at him, he asked, “Think you could help me out with this, mesh’la?”

“How can I help?” you asked, glancing up at your still-bound hands.

“Let me ride that pretty face of yours. Your mouth always feels so good, and it’ll give you something to concentrate on while Cross is edging you,” he clarified, looking over to Crosshair to make sure he was okay with that idea. With a nod, he looked back to you, he asked, “Is that okay with you? What color?”

“Green,” you responded, looking forward to having Hunter’s cock down your throat.

“What is Hunter about to do to you, cockslut? Say it back to us,” Crosshair demanded.

“He’s gonna ride my face and fuck my mouth, use me how he wants,” you whispered, looking over as Hunter climbed over your face.

“Such a good girl,” Hunter moaned, and without another word, he sunk into your awaiting mouth, grabbing onto the bed frame for balance. Crosshair placed the wand back on your clit, and you moaned around Hunter’s cock as he bottomed out. He held still for a moment, getting used to the feeling of your throat, while you tried to focus on breathing through your nose. He was big, and it had taken a while to train you to be able to take all of him. He moved his hands so that they were holding yours, while still maintaining his balance.

Crosshair kept his attention trained on edging you a third time. Hunter was right- this time, you were able to concentrate on sucking Hunter off, so you had something to focus your attention on instead of just the sensation from the wand between your legs. Hunter pulled out a bit before pushing back in, content with fucking your mouth nice and slow for the moment.

As you approached your orgasm a third time, Crosshair sped the motions with the wand, forcing you to choke on Hunter, who only fucked your throat faster in response. As you held your orgasm off the best you could, he pushed into you as far as he could and spilled his cum down your throat. Finally, Crosshair relented, pulling the toy away as Hunter pulled out of your mouth.

“Color?” Hunter checked.

“Red. I need some water,” you admitted. Crosshair got off the bed and grabbed one of the water bottles as Hunter climbed off of you and whispered, “You did so, so well, mesh’la. I’m so proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself, too,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss you.

Crosshair brought the water over and you opened your mouth for him to pour some water into. You drank deeply, not realizing how thirsty you actually were.

“How're you feeling now? What’re you thinking?” Hunter questioned. You took a minute to respond before admitting, “I don’t think I can take any more edges.” You looked over at Crosshair before continuing, “I’m sorry, I wish I could do more.”

“Maybe another night,” Crosshair conceded. “You know your limits, and I won’t cross a boundary. Time to move on?” You nodded in response. Hunter kissed your forehead and added, “You’re doing so well. Your body can only take so much, and you were good for communicating your needs to us. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“And can we take the cuffs off? My shoulders are starting to hurt,” you clarified.

“Of course,” Crosshair affirmed, unlocking the cuffs and bringing your arms down slowly so as to not cause any more pain. Hunter massaged your shoulders, alleviating some of the pain that had built up there. You leaned into his touch, enjoying the break in activity when Crosshair came back over to the bed, buttplug in hand. “Think you’re up for this?”

You thought for a moment before responding, “Not tonight.”

“Look at you, setting boundaries. Such a good girl,” Hunter praised. “Is there something that we can do that you want to try? Another toy, a different position?”

“What does our filthy little cockslut want to try next?” Crosshair added, reaching over and tugging on your hair a bit.

“I wanna come,” you begged. “I need to come so bad, please-”

“Shhh, we’ll take good care of you,” Hunter reassured, taking you in his arms. He sat back against the bed frame, pulling you with him and depositing you on his lap with your legs bracketed outside his own, legs spread wide so that Crosshair could see how wet and swollen your pussy was.

“Wanna be a good girl and give Crosshair a show?” Hunter murmured in your ear. “Show him how pretty you look when you come on my fingers?”

“Yes sir,” you moaned, desperate to finally get your release. Normally, Hunter would take his time worshiping every inch of your body before even considering going down on you, but he knew how badly you needed to come. He brought his hand down to your aching pussy, circling around your clit a few times before massaging your entrance and slowly pushing a finger in. You gasped, grinding and clenching down on his finger.

“Such a little whore, so desperate and aching just from one finger,” Crosshair chided, laser focused on where Hunter’s finger disappeared inside you. Hunter pushed a second finger in with the first and began curling them against your g-spot, making you see stars and squirm around in his lap. He wrapped his other arm around your waist, holding you close to him, whispering, “You’re doing so well, letting me finger you like this. Let’s get you that orgasm, yeah?”

All you could do was nod as you felt yourself hurtling forward, getting closer and closer to finishing. Hunter dipped his head down to suck a hickey into your neck as he kept fingering you, feeling you get closer and closer to your orgasm.

As you felt yourself reaching your peak, you tried to let them know that you were about to come, but given that the only noises you could make were senseless babbles, they figured it out pretty quickly. Once you hit your peak, you felt your entire body clench, losing all control and surrendering to the all-consuming pleasure Hunter was giving you. It felt as if every nerve ending in your body had been set alight, blazing from head to toe, and you could do nothing but take it all in. The whole time, you could vaguely make out Hunter whispering in your ear “that’s it,” “good girl,” “you look so sexy coming all over my fucking fingers.”

Eventually, you came down from your high, trying to regulate your breathing. Crosshair leaned in and captured your lips in a surprisingly gentle kiss before pulling away, looking into your eyes, and muttered, “slut” before giving you a quick kiss to the forehead.

Once you’d fully regained control of your bodily functions, Crosshair asked, “Color?”

“Green,” you replied, eager to see what was next.

“I think you’re finally ready for my cock, and I know your slutty pussy agrees with me,” he smirked. He looked to Hunter, who turned you around and put you on your hands and knees, ass in the air, just the way Crosshair likes it. Crosshair maneuvered himself behind you, taking in the view before giving your ass a couple good, hearty slaps that you knew would be visible come morning. Sliding the tip of his cock through your folds a few times, he eased himself into you slowly, giving your body time to adjust to him. He bottomed out for a moment before pulling out and thrusting back in again. Crosshair was known for being rough, and this was no exception.

With every thrust, your body slid a little bit farther up the bed until your face was buried in the pillows. His grip on your hips was so strong you knew those would leave marks, too. Crosshair absolutely loved marking you up, especially in places most people wouldn’t get to see. As he pounded into you, he grabbed your hair and pulled you against his back, biting your throat and saying, “Little fucking cockslut, just waiting to be filled up and turned into a fucking cum dumpster.”

As Crosshair could feel your walls fluttering around him, he knew you were close, so he slid a hand down to your clit and rubbed precise circles over it. Before you could respond, your orgasm took you by surprise, walls clamping down over Crosshair’s cock. He kept pounding into you, chasing his own high, sending you into overstimulation. All you could do was cry out and claw at whatever parts of his body you could reach. As he reached his high, he pulled out and came on your ass, watching as your cheeks became adorned with white.

Pulling away, Crosshair laid you back down onto the bed as Hunter approached. “Fuck, you looked so pretty coming all over his cock like that. You got one more in you?”

“Yes, please, let me come on your cock, too,” you begged.

“Still so desperate to be filled, hmm? You want to be Hunter’s little cum dumpster?” Crosshair teased.

“Yes, oh fuck yes,” you babbled. Hunter moved you so that you were on your back with your legs over his shoulders, cock poised at your entrance when he asked, “Color?”

“Green,” you breathed. Without another word, he pushed into you, filling you up. Sure, Crosshair was longer, but Hunter was certainly thicker, and you still needed a bit of time to adjust to his size. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead as if he wasn’t buried balls deep inside you, showing his soft side.

“Fuck, you always take my cock so well,” Hunter moaned as he started to fuck you. You could feel him stretching you out, the breath getting knocked out of you with every thrust. As you lay there being repeatedly impaled on his cock, Hunter couldn’t help but reach out and wrap a hand gently around your neck. Not hard enough to actually restrict airflow, but just enough pressure to assert dominance. You, on the other hand, wanted him to choke you, so you put your hand on top of his and pushed so he would know to add pressure. He groaned and exerted a bit more pressure on your neck, adding that much more pleasure to what you were already experiencing.

For the final time that night, you reached your high, coming all over Hunter’s cock. You could tell he was getting close, too; his thrusts were harder and more erratic. Before long, you could feel his cum filling you up as he finished inside you. Stilling inside you, Hunter tilted his head and kissed one of your legs as you smiled up at him, pussy still twitching from your orgasm. He slowly pulled out of you, taking your legs and resting them back on the bed. Crosshair came over with a damp cloth to clean you up with, and Hunter grabbed some more water for you, knowing you’d be thirsty again.

The two of them knew how to take care of you during sex, and they made sure to pamper you afterwards. Even though you didn’t dare say it out loud, you loved the both of them so much; however, what you didn’t know was that they felt the same about you.

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midnightwriter21 · 1 year ago

Text

jjk hcs: their fav pet names for you

characters: reader x gojo, sukuna, fushiguro, itadori, nanami

warnings: language (i be cussing a lot sry), suggestive in gojo’s but not rly

AN: first jjk post!! hope it doesn’t flop lollllll

GOJO

pet names he calls you: sweet thang, sugar, princess, babe, mrs. gojo

now u alrdy knew before even reading that his goofy ass has a million an one pet names for you lol

but anyways

he’s got a MAJORRR sweet tooth hehe

like bro is always snackin on something sugary

hence the pet names sweet thang and sugar

“whatchu doin sweet thang” holding up his blindfold so you can see him wink at u lmfao

but when he calls u sugar i imagine him doin it the way those sweet old southern ladies say it if ykwim lmao

now

princess and babe are much more casual

like he’s calling out “babe i’m home!” when he gets back from a mission

or y’all are at the school and he’s calling for you even tho he 100% alrdy knows exactly where u are bc of ur cursed energy “princesssssssss where are youuuuuu??”

and mrs. gojo is used in either a VERY romantic situation when he’s tryna rizz u up

he’s tryna embarrass you in front of the students

there is no in between

“well, me and mrs. gojo gotta head out! she has stuff to do!”

“satoru.. we are not married. my last name isn’t gojo.”

“… yet” 😼

“and what stuff do i have to do?”

“me. i’m stuff.” 😼

*que megumi, yuji, and nobara fake gagging in the background*

SUKUNA

pet names he calls you: my queen, darling

he’s the king of curses so the first one should be self explanatory

cmon every king needs a queen yk

now he’s powerful as hell right

bro demands respect for himself

but let somebody say som to you in the wrong tone

girl rip that person fr

“you dare to speak to my queen that way?” and he’s busting their ass

also that’s how he introduces you to everybody

introduces himself first. and then hits them w the “and this is my queen, (y/n)”

darling is more of a laid back casual pet name

but he uses it all the mf time

“come here, darling”

“you look beautiful as always, darling”

“darling, you are the one that is important to me.”

darling darling darling

FUSHIGURO

pet names he calls you: babe, love, sweetheart

he likes to keep it simple

most of the time he just calls you by your name

def keeps the pet names to a minimum in public

or when he’s around his friends

especially when he’s around gojo lol

i mean cmon the second he calls u a pet name and gojo overhears?

poor thing is being teased til he’s bright red with embarrassment

in private tho?

ur real name almost never leaves his mouth lmfao

it’s “babe can you do this?” “come take a nap with me, love” “what are you doin, sweetheart”

idk i just know he’s soft for u

ITADORI

pet names he calls you: baby, cutie, peaches/peach

this man loves you and isn’t afraid to show it!!

NEVER uses ur real name

EVER

baby and cutie are his casual nicknames ofc

for things he’s sayin to u in passing

he’s hugging u from behind with a “hey cutie”

or when he’s whining abt something lol

“cmon baby you can’t be mad at me forever”

but he uses peach and peaches the most

the man likes ass

he said it himself

it’s canon

so ofc he’s referring to your “big juicy ass” his words not mine when he calls you that lmfaooo

but it also cute asf

“come peach get dressed! i’m taking you to watch a movie with me!”

NANAMI

pet names he calls you: sweetheart, darling, my love, honey

I. LOVE. HIM.

i rly don’t even have any reasoning behind his usage of these pet names they just fit him

he’s such a serious, sophisticated, gentleman

so of course he takes his relationship with you seriously as well

makes sure that you know he adores you

his love language is words of affirmation ik it

gojo jokes that y’all talk to each other like an old married couple

which u do

but it’s cute!!!

it’s the middle of the night and he has to leave for a mission and wake you up on accident?

“sorry, sweetheart, go back to sleep. i’ll be home soon”

he gets home from the mission and as soon as he opens the door he hits you w the cliche

“honey, i’m home!”

this next one is an every day occurrence

and i MEAN EVERYDAY

“good morning, my love” IN HIS DEEP MORNING VOICE meowwww

and y’all go on a date an you get dressed up for it?

“you look absolutely stunning, darling”

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jeansplaytoy · 1 year ago

Text

“Ain’t shit.” - c.springer

(part two here.)

part 1

when you and your toxic ass boyfriend, connie get into what seems to be your final argument.

mentions of cheating, cursing, n word being used, afrolatino/lightskin!connie ;), angst?, toxicity.

^y’all i have no idea why the words r bunched up if y’all see that. lmao

“don’t start wit’ that bullshit, y/n.” connie said, walking through the house while you followed him— with the bullshit.

“nah, because why everytime i go out, it’s another hoe screaming ‘bout how she fucked you whenever? you know what? i’m done wit’cho ass.” you followed him to the kitchen. it was exactly what it seemed too, everyday, another woman was talking to her friend about how connie did this and that to her, and you just wasn’t really having it.

“bro, what is you talkin’ bout? i ain’t fucked nobody since i been wit’ you.” he paused. “but you” he said, stopping by the sink and leaning on it, letting his head hang a little to huff at your words. “well that’s not what them hoes say.” you put your hands on your hips as you stood all the way across from him, on the other side of the island counter. one thing you weren’t gonna do, is let no man play you. ever. he can hit once and leave, but if a relationship comes into the picture then you take that shit seriously, and right now it seemed like his ass really didn’t care.

“you buggin.” he laughed to refrain his self from getting mad at you, but you were irking his nerves. like, for real. “oh i’m buggin’? connie, that’s what you always say when i catch you in a damn lie.” you tilt your head in a ‘wtf are you talking about’ way.

“so you gone listen to some random hoes on the street instead of me?” he crossed his arms. “yes, nigga cause’ you always doin’ something you ain’t got no business.” and that’s when you started walking over to him. his eyes followed you as he kept his attention on you. “now if i were to go around fucking on yo friends you’d be mad right?” you said before nudging his head. he rubbed the side of his head before looking at you.

“hell yeah i’d be mad, cus you always finding a way to piss me off when i don’t be doing shit to you. always believing what other females gotta say.” he shook his head before walking off. “man, stop acting like a bitch sometimes.” he mumbled under his breath while walking off.

you looked at him and narrowed your eyes. “what?”

it wasn’t like he was calling you a bitch, but that word being used in a sentence where he was referring to, and talking to you? no.

“chill out ma, you keepin’ up all that noise.” he said before sitting on the couch and propping his leg up. you stared at him for a minute before slowly nodding. “get the fuck out.” you pointed towards the door. he looked at you for a few seconds before laughing. “what?”

“i said, get out.” you repeated yourself.

connie looked at you again before his smile slowly dropped, but not into a sad face. this time, you really pissed him off. “ ‘t fuck?” he frowned. “oh, what? you don’t think i’m dead serious about what the fuck i’m saying?” you tilted your head. “since you wanna go with other bitches, go with em. go live with em. do whatever you want, we done.” you said before scoffing.

connie stared at you before standing up. “that’s yo problem. you believe everything everybody say. you too pretty to be acting this damn stupid.” he mumbled while standing in front of you. you looked towards the ground to avoid any further conversation with him.

“you think i wanna do this?” you asked. “hell yeah.” he said while tilting his head back a little. you looked up at him. “i hate yo ass. you make me sick.” you said before pushing him away from you and walking upstairs.

you weren’t being completely serious. you didn’t hate connie. but you hate how he acted everytime you got into an argument about another woman.

“how? cause you never did that crazy shit. you never went through my phone, asked about my female friends, if i even got any. but you tryna accuse me of cheating on you. ma, you know how dumb you sound?” he frowned while following you upstairs.

“connie just get out, for real.” you shook your head. “nah, what’s the problem? i thought you was all big.” he said while walking into your room where you sat on your bed. “leave me alone.” you exhaled. “and get out.”

he looked at you before nodding. “okay.” he said, grabbing only his charger as his phone was placed in his pocket. you looked at him. “get all yo’ shit, connie, you not coming back over here.” you frowned as you followed him back down the stairs. “connie, i’m so fuckin serious, get yo shit from upstairs.” you pointed behind you as you grabbed his arm to turn him around.

“i’ll come get my shit when i feel like it.” he mumbled before opening the door and slamming it behind him. you stared at it for a while before locking it and walking back over to your couch, sitting down.

“hoe.” you mumbled to yourself.

yes the theme changed!

#aot connie #connie x black reader #connie springer #connie x reader #aot x y/n #aot headcanons #connie headcanons #connie x y/n #x poc reader #poc reader #jeansplaytoy♡︎

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forever-rogue · 1 year ago

Note

Hiiii 🐻

What about an Eddie fic where they are at an award show nominated in the same category but they are exs. They ended things because right person wrong time type of deal. His career took off and hers was in the early stages.

And he wins the award and spots her in the crowd

Link for reference

https://www.tiktok.com/@editsmcu/video/7045316909562219782?lang=en

AN | I changed the prompt just a little but I hope y’all enjoy! 🥰

Warnings | Language

Pairing | Modern!Rockstar!Eddie x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2.7k

Masterlist | Main, Eddie

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"He's going to be there, you know," the soft tone of her voice caused you to look up from your phone as you caught her eye in the mirror. Your grip around your phone tightened as her expression turned doe-eyed, "Eddie. His band is nominated for a few awards."

You knew that, of course you did. You wouldn't admit that you still closely kept up with what was going on with him. But, despite the fact that you'd broken up almost a year ago, you still cared deeply for him.

"Oh," you swallowed the thick lump that had welled up in your throat, trying to keep the tears at bay, "well, that's alright. These things will continue to happen and I'll just have to learn to deal with it."

"You'll be okay?" She finished up your hair and settled her gentle hands on your shoulders. She gave you a tender squeeze as you nodded, "if you need anything, you can always text or call me. I'm not your hairdresser but your friend too, and I'm here for you."

"I'll be alright," you promised, heart constricting at the kindness she displayed, "I'll just have to learn how to deal."

"You'll do great, my love," her smile was gentle, "you're solid gold and one day you'll find exactly what you're looking for."

What if you had lost what you had been looking for?

"Thank you."

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Eddie was sprawled on the couch in the studio, scrolling endlessly through his social media. A heavy sigh escaped his lips despite his best efforts; he was feeling a type of way he couldn’t quite explain. It wasn’t bored or tired or…anything really, just sort of down.

“Hey man,” Jeff sat down at the opposite end of the couch causing Eddie to lift his head in question, “I just heard that umm…well, she is going to be there tomorrow night.”

Eddie tried not to let his face light up entirely but it was hard not to perk up at even the smallest mention of you. His heart ached as he pictured your face; it had been so long since he’d even seen you in person. To put it quite frankly, it sucked.

“Oh?” He tried to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible but even he could hear the curiosity in his voice, “how did you find that out?”

“Seth told me,” ah. Of course their manager would know all about that, “wonder why she’s going. She’s not even a musician, just an actor…maybe she’s someone’s date or something…”

“Date?” and yeah he almost choked on that singular word. The idea of you going on a date made anger bubble in his blood, “you don’t seriously think that she’s dating someone, do you?”

“I dunno man,” Jeff shrugged lightly, “I mean…you were the one that broke up with her. And it’s been almost a year. She's going to date someone else eventually."

"I know!" He snapped, rubbing his tired face with his hands. Jeff recoiled slightly from Eddie's sudden sharpness. He knew that you were still a sore subject for him and he'd hope to negate any bad feelings by warning him that you'd be there. But now he was wondering if he'd made a mistake - maybe Eddie wouldn't even have noticed you.

"I'm sorry, Ed. You'll be alright," he offered him a tight lipped smile, "and it'll be over before we know it."

"Yeah," he replied dismissively, raking a hand through his messy curls, "let's fucking hope so."

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"You look amazing."

You studied yourself intently in the mirror, staring at the dark pink dress that you were currently sporting. Your mind had immediately drifted to wondering if Eddie would have liked your dress. He always enjoyed the fact that you were so opposite of him. Sunshine and rain, he'd always said, balancing each other out.

So much for that. But you tried not to dwell on the past. You'd already given into the fact that you would ever be completely over him. A part of your heart would always belong to him.

"Thanks," you smiled but it didn't quite reach your eyes. You were nervous going to the awards show tonight, even if you were just going to accompany one of your friends.

Your stylist touched up your hair and set your makeup before letting you go. After you slipped on your heels and waited for your ride, you couldn't help but go on to IG and scroll through photos of the red carpet to see who had already arrived.

Everything was fine until you reached a post that caused your heart to almost stop. There was Eddie, looking as gorgeous as ever, standing on the red carpet with the rest of his band members. You'd be lying if you said you weren't relieved to see that he didn't have a date.

Not that it mattered. Of course not. It was all peaches and he could do whatever he wanted. Even if it would break your heart a little further.

"Your chariot has arrived ," you looked up when you saw Angelica walk through the door. You let out a sigh of relief when you saw her standing there, looking as amazing as you hoped you did too, "ready to go?"

"Yup," you grabbed your bag and walked over to her but you could tell that something was on her mind, "what's wrong?"

"I…Gareth texted me a little while ago. They're already all there," she gave your shoulder as a squeeze. You appreciated all the concern but it really wasn't helping. It would have been preferable to just have everyone ignore the blatant obviousness that Eddie would be there.

"It's fine," you insisted softly, "really. I'd rather just not worry about it at all. It is what it is; he broke up with me and that's it."

"Babe-"

"Seriously," you took her hand and squeezed it gently, "let's just go and have fun."

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

One of the many wonderful things about Eddie was that he didn’t really care what anyone thought of him. Even as a world famous rockstar, he couldn’t really be bothered to worry about that. So he didn’t worry about the way he looked around the crowd, blatantly obvious as he scanned the sea of people for you. Unabashed and unashamed as ever.

Just when he’d almost given up, he found you. Clear across the room, looking stunning as ever and sitting among your friends. He knew them all and he knew that you wouldn’t be anyone’s date, not like that anyway, and that served to put him at ease. A silly, dopey little smile tugged up the corner of his mouth.

But then he remembered - you weren’t his. Not anymore and more than likely never again.

“You gonna keep staring all night?” Eddie’s cheeks pinked as he turned his gaze away and back to Jeff, “you couldn’t be anymore obvious!”

“Shut up,” Eddie hissed as he shifted in his seat so he couldn’t look at you as easily, “it was just one look.”

“Mhmm,” he raised an eyebrow and pulled up his phone, showing Eddie a few articles that had already popped up. All about the two of you - speculation that this meant that the two of you were back together or fans attempting to manifest it, “you’re only going to make it worse.”

Eddie folded his arms across his chest and shrugged, “it’ll be fine. Let’s just hope this night goes fast.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A few hours had passed, in relative ease and peace, and you were relieved to know that it was almost over. Then you could go home, have a hot bath with a glass of wine, and get some much needed sleep.

But then the award that Eddie’s band was nominated for was announced. You listened to the announcer rattle off the nominees, heart beating wildly in your chest as you hoped that he didn’t win. It was so incredibly selfish, you knew that much, but it was just all too much at once.

Corroded Coffin won, which didn’t really didn’t come as a surprise to you or anyone else. It was a well deserved and hard fought win, and you knew it should have been them. You clapped along with everyone around you, watching the stage closely as the guys walked on, with Eddie coming up last. Suddenly it seemed like he was the only one in the room and you couldn’t take your eyes off him. He looked good, but worst of all he still looked just like Eddie.

He hung back as the rest of the band all spoke, but you could see him scanning the crowd. When it was finally his turn, he laughed nervously before looking out into the audience and somehow managing to find you. His eyes looked with yours as a small gasp escaped your lips. You knew that he was aware that he was staring right at you. A smile spread on his face, easy and soft just like the one he’d blessed you with so many times. Despite everything that had happened you couldn’t help but smile back at him.

It didn’t matter what he was saying, you were only vaguely away of it, the moment was all that mattered. People scattered throughout the audience seemed to catch onto what was happening; you could hear them tittering about and looking at you and back at Eddie. It made your face warm up but none of that mattered. The moment belonged solely to you and Eddie.

Unfortunately it was over much too soon for your liking and the boys were herded off stage. You turned your attention back to the table and you could feel the silent questions being thrown your way. Ignoring them all you grabbed your glasses and chugged down the rest of the champagne.

What a series of unfortunate, or perhaps fortunate, events.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

After it was all said and done and you were ready to head home, insisting on taking a cab so and skipping the afterparty, much to Angelica’s dismay, you made your way out of the building, heels in hand. It was quiet here and allowed you a few moments to breathe and absorb all that happened.

Then you heard your name being called out. Urgently and loudly, in a voice you’d heard so many times before. You had two options - keep walking and pretend you hadn’t heard or didn’t care, or face him. You knew which one you wanted, long before the opportunity had even presented itself.

You turned around and found Eddie running towards you, his curls bouncing wildly. He didn’t stop until he was right in front of you, attempting to catch his breath.

“Eddie?” your voice was small, so soft he almost didn’t hear it. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, “what are you doing here?”

“You,” he said softly as your expression turned doe-eyed; that look always made him look weak in the knees, “miss you - had to see you.”

“You missed me?” he nodded, taking a last gasping breath before straightening up and looked at you.Your brain felt like it was turning to much as you tried to process everything taht was going, “what do you mean?”

“I fucked up,” he shrugged and threw up his arms in exasperation. He was so mad at himself for ever letting you go, “I fucked up and I lost and I just…I really fucking miss you.”

“Eddie, you’re the one that broke up with me,” you blinked back tears as he ran a hand through his messy curls, “but now you miss me?”

“I should never have broken up with you,” he shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping those plush lips you so desperately missed kissing, “biggest mistake ever.”

“Then why did you?”

“I…I thought I was doing the right thing,” he explained, “I thought I was going enough for you and with things really taking off with the band, it felt like I didn’t have enough time for you and didn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It seemed like the right thing at the time. I figured that maybe you would fine someone that deserves you but honestly, I really hate the fucking idea of anyone else having you.”

“Oh. Oh,” the realization crashed over you like ice cold waves, “well, I admit the idea behind breaking up with me was admirable, but deciding how I felt wasn’t exactly your choice. I never thought you weren’t good enough or didn’t give me enough of you. Eddie, I was so in love with you, nothing else mattered. We could have figured things out together - we always have. I never wanted anyone else, and no one even crossed my mind. Even now, almost a year later.”

“Really?” he choked on his question, feeling his own eyes start to burn with tears.

“Yeah,” you promised him, reaching over to give his arm a gentle squeeze, “it’s getting late. I should head home.”

“Ba - wait-”

“It was good to see you,” and you meant it. It was good to see him, and hear him out, and maybe it would serve as a bit of closure. You tried to walk away, but he held onto your hand and gently kept you from walking away, “Eddie?”

“Wait, just,” he stammered as he tried to format even a coherent sentence, “I-I love you. I’m still in love with you, I never stopped. Fuck, I don’t ever want anyone else. No one, just you.”

“Eddie-”

“Give me another chance,” those words made your mouth drop open as you blinked at him a few times, “please. I’ll do anything, just…don’t walk away. I don’t deserve another chance, and I’m an asshole, I know that. But please…one chance is all I’m asking for. I don’t think that this is the end of our story, I think that we’re-”

You caught him by surprise, cutting off his rambling by taking his face in your hands and pressing your lips to his. It was the first time you’d kissed him in so long, but it still felt so right, so magically wonderful. His large, warm hands settled on your waist as he pulled you into him and continued to kiss you deeply.

Neither of you were willing to break apart until you were both left dizzied and breathless. He pressed his forehead to yours, a smile dancing on his lips as you exchanged soft chuckles.

“You’re an idiot, Eddie Munson,” you whispered before pressing a kiss to his lips, “but you’re my idiot. And I think you’re right…”

“Hmm?”

“I’ve never thought about anyone else but you either,” that made his entire face light up with happiness, “and I think you and I have a very long story ahead of us.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” you promised, “you’re it for me, rockstar. You always have been and will be.”

“Baby,” he let out a slow breath, feeling like he was able to properly breathe for the first time in a long time. He took your face and peppering it in kisses, causing you to giggle at the ticklish sensation, “let me take you on a date. Let’s go right now.”

“It’s almost one in the morning-”

“And our favorite diner is open 24/7,” and yeah. You were in love with this fool, “and I don’t know about you but I’m starving. The little bits of fancy food they served were definitely not enough. Whaddaya say?”

“Let’s go,” you moved to slip your heels back on but Eddie stopped. He kneeled down and motioned for you to get on his back; you laughed but did so nonetheless, climbing onto his back as he held onto your heels. You pressed a kiss to his shoulder before closing your eyes and inhaling his familiar scent, “I love you, Eddie.”

“I love you too, baby. So fuckin’ much.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson one shot #rockstar!eddie #joseph quinn #st

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nieceeee · 1 year ago

Text

“WHERE TO NOW?”

PS: babydaddy!eren and y/n have been distancing themselves from one another. Eren wants to be with her but feels like her heart is in another place…or with another person. He and the boys discover exactly what’s going on as he is babysitting one night…

A/N: Angst, tension, fluff for the most part. Cussing, mention of the name babydoll. This is really for a 3 part series so don’t worry there will be plenty of lovey doves stuff towards the end if y’all want it. The other parts will be a little bit longer than this one. I had to play with your emotions before playing with your….nevermind. ENJOY!

W/C: 2.4K

PREVIOUS FICS TO READ: She’s Not Yours (its probably best to read the Eren playlist…if you’ve read them all, see if you can find the references from the previous fics in this one)

“You look amazing, baby doll.” His voice said from behind you, sending a chill down your spine. You took a deep breath to shake the nerves before you lifted your eyes and stared through the mirror at his. “Thank you Rennie.” You say with a soft smile. Things between you two had been…decent. Weeks after that very dramatic day that started with a bloody nose and ended with his ex hearing beating down yo block, time had seemed to blur together. Eren, freaking out about the entire situation, went back to try and talk to her, hoping to smooth things over which also led to another breakdown from her and him consoling her. And even though he admits nothing happened, the simple fact that he was there for her was something you couldn’t stand. And that alone had you questioning so many things. I mean you weren’t together and neither were they so why does who he has a connection with bother you so much. He said even though they weren’t dating at the time, he didn't want her to feel disrespected and assume you called her intentionally. You understood the sentiment although you didn't give a damn about what she assumed. But because of that, you were at a stand still not only with Eren but with your own emotions as well.

You both (more you than him) decided it would be best to give each other some time to figure out what you wanted to do when it came to the complications revolving around your relationship. Yes, the feelings were there but there was also a lot of unhealed trauma and damage that each of you needed to figure out. Eren wanted to be with you, he knew that without a doubt. The constant back and forth and the fallout of his other relationship taught him a few things and it was in those moments where he realized that you were the only person for him. His first real love, his best friend, the mother of his child. He couldn’t see himself being with anybody else again.

Unfortunately for him, you had other plans. You needed more time to sort through your feelings. The consistent pestering in your mind of what happened every time you had tried to make it work with him before would always rear its ugly head and you’d have to face the reality. No matter how much you wanted it to work, things with you and him were too complicated and with a baby in the mix, it was too much to lose. You were so sure about this but for some reason when you called him over to explain it, you had an wave of uneasiness in your belly. But you stayed the course, expressing to Eren that it wasn't a good idea for you all to jump back into a serious relationship after so much mess had happened. Did he understand? Hell no. Why is he okay to sleep in your bed but not enough to be your man. His heart shattered in pieces when you told him you wanted to keep it friendly but he wouldn't show it on his face. Not in front of you. He wanted you to know he respected your backwards ass decision.

So it seemed like you were back at square one, coparenting and some relationship that bordered between ‘my man my man my man’ and ‘oh we are just friends’. Granted none of your other male friends know how you taste, how you moan when your clit is sucked on, and how to hit that sweet spot that you could only reach when he has you pressed into the mattress, fingers splayed out on your back as he… “No.” you say verbally. It wasn't the time for that, not now or anywhere in the near future. You had made the decision and you had to stick beside it. But you knew that you had to get him out of your head. So you distanced yourself as much as you could, only allowing parental visits and no late night stays. No personal phone calls outside of communication about your son. Nothing to give any indication to the feelings you worked so hard on burying.

Eren hated it.

He hated every lost moment. He hated not being able to touch you. He hated waking up in an empty bed. He hated the way that you would stand on the other side of the room when he came to pick up his baby. It was exhausting but he stayed. It was another night out for you. Eren had come over to babysit and you were just finishing up getting ready when he stepped into the doorframe. You swipe the nude butter gloss over your lips once more, pressing them together to distribute the color when your eyes caught the piercing green ones burning into your skin. You both held each other’s gaze for a while, emotions mixed with arousal building underneath your skin. You forced your eyes to shift back down to your vanity, busying your hands with cleaning the space in front of you. Eren smirked behind you, shifting from leaning against the doorframe and placing his hands on the frame above. “So, you all set to go?” He asks you. “Uh, yeah I think so. I just have to grab some shoes.” You say getting up and walking over to your closet.

You look around at your shoes to find a pair that went well with your multicolored satin dress. The beautiful green, brown,and cream colors blended into a perfect gradient in the fabric and the straps fell gently off your shoulders. You looked down at your choice of cream colored shoes before reaching down and picking up the tie up stilettos, steering clear of the red bottoms. Eren noticed and held back his grin, thinking back to the last time you asked him to pick your shoes for you over FaceTime.

“Okay, all set.” You say, this time actually being ready. “Okay, he should be waking up from his nap in about 2 hours and there are plenty of bags of milk already thawed out. You went over the breakdown for the night, running him through the routine he already knew like the back of his hand. Eren knew you were doing it more so as a checklist for yourself so he allowed you to ramble. “Good?” You say finishing your last thought. “Yeah, all good.” You nod gently and make your way to the door. “Oh, Would it be cool if the guys stopped by later? They asked about lil man but I wanted to make sure you were okay with them being here first.” Eren asks. “Yeah, Ren of course. You know I don't mind them being here.” You say brows pulling together slightly. He shrugged his shoulders from the bottom of the stairs. “Just checking. Have fun.” Your lips part to say something but words seem to get lost. Eren keeps his eyes casted towards the floor, not having the strength to look up and see you leave.

“Eren…” you start but he shakes his head. “Go enjoy yourself babydoll.” You press your lips together then turn and walk out the door.

“YO! We here.” A voice calls from the door. Eren rolls his eyes. “You know you could just knock right?” He says to Ony as he opens the front door. “Where’s the fun in that?” He laughs before dapping him and walking inside. “Whats up with you bro? You good?” Connie says as they come through the doorway and walk towards the living room. “Now why you ask the man that. You know he down bad right now.” Armin teases plopping down on to the reclining chair close to the tv. “Oh so y'all got jokes now? Do we really want to have it out?” Eren says matter of factly. “It’s okay bruh, we know you down bad for your girl.” Ony laughed. “Right and how is that best friend relationship treating you?” Eren teases back. Connie and Armin bust out into laughter. “See that’s different, you actually had a relationship with your girl.” Ony groans slumping down into the seat.

“Okay, okay but all bullshit aside E, how are you doing with all this?” Armin turns, giving him his attention. Eren took a moment. “I-…not good man.” He admits to his friends. “I don't get it. Y’all have always been in this space right? So what’s the difference between then and now.” Connie questions. “The difference is she’s talking to somebody.” Eren says softly. The room seemed to stand still at his confession. “What do you mean ‘talking’? Like the same guy?” Armin sits up, his stare intense. This was new for all of you. As long as you and Eren had been together, the guys have always been there. Even through the breakups you would never find yourself in another relationship. Fucking around was different but being committed to any guy besides Eren was not your thing.

Until now.

“I mean the past few date nights has been the same guy. I know I tripped out the Jean situation but they were just fucking. This ‘Reiner’ dude or whoever he is, she’s dating him man. Like sending flowers and love notes, brunches, and day trips type of shit.” Eren groans “Oh shit…” Ony whispered under his breath. “Yeah, exactly.” Eren’s shoulders slump slightly as he shook his head. “Well, E it might just be a phase. Don’t give up on it bro. If you work hard enough at it things have a way of sorting themselves out.” Connie says collecting stares from around the room. “What?” He says confused. “When the fuck did you get some common sense?” Ony asks. “Yeah, that’s my role.” Armin retorts. Eren begins to chuckle which turns into a full on laugh out loud followed by everyone else. “Man fuck yall. I’m just trying to help my boy out.” Connie tries defending himself through the noise.

The sound of baby whimpers from the monitor pulls Eren’s attention. He stands up and walks back up the steps towards his son’s room. He sat up in the crib rubbing his chunky fists into his eyes. Eren walks over and lifts him carefully from the bed, adjusting him and holding him against his hip. “What’s up little man. You all good? Daddy’s here.” He cooes. His son tilts his head up, sleep still in his eyes and offers his daddy a gentle smile. “Yeah, daddy’s here. Come on let’s go downstairs and see your uncles.”

“Aw man there go my lil homie.” Connie says as Eren comes back downs he steps. “Man he don't even like you. You know I'm his favorite.” Ony speaks getting up from the couch. They follow Eren into the kitchen as he takes out a few bags of the breast milk you left to warm up. “Y’all doing all that talking but yet I’m the goddaddy.” Armin smirks, slipping around the counter and grabbing the baby from Eren. He giggles, reaching out and squeezing Armin’s face. “Man, he looks just like Y/N. It’s still crazy to think yall got a baby together.” He says, shaking his head. “I know right. I still can't believe it myself sometimes.” It was true. Eren looks down at your son again and his chest swells with pride. It was so surreal to have something that was created from him and the person he cared for the most. As they sit around and conversation Eren takes the time to warm up the milk, grabbing his phone from his pocket. A text message dings from an unknown number.

He pulls up the attachment sent to his phone. “What the fuck…” his eyes squint as he stares down at the video loading before him. “What. The. Fuck?!” Eren says a little louder, catching the attention in the room. “Yo E, you good man?” Ony asks. Eren’s ears started to ring as anger swirled through his veins. His chest rose and fell rapidly. “Eren, talk to us man, what's going on?” Connie says. “Aye Min, can you put him in his playpen with the bottle please.” Eren strains, trying to keep him composure around his son. Armin nods quickly working to get the baby and setting him in his safe area. “Okay, what’s up?” He says as he walks back into the kitchen. Eren sits his phone down and slides it across the counter to his friends. They hovered around the screen and watched as you made out against a car outside of the restaurant. Reiners hands sliding all over your body as he kisses your lips and down the side of your neck. Your giggles fill the air as your hands slip up to the back of his head.

“Oh shit.” They say in unison before looking back up at Eren who was pacing across the floor. His vision began to blur as his fists clenched and unclenched. “E, you got to chill bruh. You can't overreact on this one. Come on.” Armin says in a calming voice. “Yeah E, you got to breathe man.” Ony reassures him. “I know. I know, man. FUCK, I know. I just-…” He didn't know what to do. Eren swipes his hands down his face as the burning behind his eyes intensifies. There was a silence that swept through the air. A heavy silence that was filled with uncertainty and fear. Eren had never felt this feeling of unease before. Not with you. But the fear of what this meant for you both. Is this the end of you and him for good? The nerves cause his emotions to overwhelm him as he slumps down to the floor. Armin, Connie, and Ony come and sit down next to him. No words could explain but they stayed with him, allowing him to process everything.

“What am I supposed to do man?” He asks no one in particular. “Do what you can. One day at a time.” Armin says. Eyes shifted up at the ceiling until the burning went away. He took a deep breath. Judging from the angle of the video, he knew you knew nothing about being recorded. So the only things on his mine were, who the fuck was following you and how was he going to face you when you got home…

#aot x reader #aot x y/n #fem!reader #baby daddy eren #eren aot #eren x reader #eren x black reader #eren yeager #aot fluff #eren x black fem!reader #eren jaeger #eren x you #nieceenotes

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fadedncity · 1 year ago

Text

if you let me

talk to my skin (part 1)

wc: 18.6k

pairing: jaemin x fem!reader

cw: smut, fwb!au, friends to lovers (fr this time!), non idol au, college au, softdom!jaem, alcohol consumption, use of marijuana, use of psychedelics (lsd), lil possessiveness, teasing, fingering, biting, oral sex (giving/receiving), face sitting, morning sex, period sex, shower sex, mentions of masturbation, semi public/car sex, somnophilia, dirty talk, pet names, praise kink (!!), lil degrading, multiple orgasms, creampie, cum eating, overstimulation, unprotected sex, consensual sex while under the influence, mentions of other idols, porn with way too much plot

a/n: i didn’t expect this to be as long as it is and I didn’t expect to take as long to write as it did 😭 but i hope y’all enjoy it as much as i had fun writing it! <33

[2:38 PM] FRIDAY

"What are we doing about drinks tonight?" Rina asks.

"Eunji got a bottle of vodka," Meera tells her.

"You think Jeno still has that bottle of patron? Ask your man if he does," Rina nudges you.

"You have his number, you ask him," you scoff, "And he's not my man," you grumble.

"How do you even know who I was referring to?" Rina asks with a smirk.

You lightly shove her, rolling her seat away before you pick up your phone to see the notification you received.

[2:42 PM] jaem: you still in class

[2:42 PM] you: sadly yes this has quite literally been the longest day of my life 😖

[2:43 PM] jaem: once it's over you should come over and maybe sit on my face to make you feel better 😇

Your stomach somersaulted, and you put your phone down, taking a breath before picking it back up.

[2:45 PM] you: jaemin i stg i hate you

[2:46 PM] jaem: no you don't

[2:47 PM] you: now why's that 🤔

[2:48 PM] jaem: cause i just got more of that blue coffee strain that i've been waiting to smoke just with you 🙄

You can't fight the smile that comes to your face.

[2:49 PM] you: ig i'll be over in 20 🙄

"I'll see you guys later," you tell Meera and Rina as the three of you reach the student parking lot.

"Where are you going?" Rina asks before you begin to depart from them.

"To see her man," Meera teases, resulting in you flipping them off as you walk in the opposite direction, towards Jaemin's.

[3:04 PM]

The door to the house swung open before you could even raise your fist to knock. Jeno stands in the doorway, looking like he's on his way out.

"Hey, Jen," you greet him.

"Hey," he smiles at you.

"You going out?" you ask.

"Yeah, I'm heading to the gym with Hyunjin and Bomin," Jeno answers, "Everyone else is already out and probably won't be back until later, so..." he looks you up and down, and smirks, "You two have the place to yourselves for a bit. I'll see you later."

"I'll see you, Jeno," you say, looking at the Taurus suspiciously as he walks to his car.

Just as you're about to walk into the house, Jaemin appears in the doorway.

"What's wrong?" Jaemin asks, seeing your expression.

"Jeno. He was being weird," you say as you enter.

Jaemin shrugs.

"Did you tell him?" you ask, following him into the kitchen.

"Tell him what?"

"About this—Us?"

"No," Jaemin says. "But I mean it's not like we're being the most discreet. So if he were to notice something and ask me about it, I wouldn't lie to him."

"Jaemin," you whine.

"What?" he mocks your tone. He sweetly smiles as he grabs your hands, "You're telling me Rina and the rest of the council don't already know?" he asks.

"Their nosy asses pried the information from me," you mumble. but if we all recall correctly, there was no real prying involved.

"It's not like we're doing something wrong. We're both consenting adults. What's the point in having this terribly kept secret?" he says, placing a kiss below your jaw.

"Because.." you can't find the words, "It could make things weird."

"How?"

"We're friends, Jaem," you try not to let a moan interrupt you.

"And?"

"This isn't exactly what friends should be doing,"

"I mean, it can't be too bad, if it feels so good," he says in your ear. "But if you don't wanna-" he begins to pull away from you.

"No, no," you tug on his shirt, pulling him back to you, bringing a smile to his face, "Never said that." You press your lips to Jaemin's before he leads you to his room.

[5:27 PM]

You stir in your sleep, grumbling when you feel the pain in your shoulder from lying on it for too long.

Registering the soft beat of the music playing in the room, you begin to blink your eyes open, remembering this isn't your room.

You find Jaemin with his back to you, sitting a little further down the bed, his laptop in front of him.

"Whatcha working on?" you ask, alerting him you're awake.

Jaemin lowers his laptop screen as you try to peek over his shoulder but only get a glimpse of the pictures he was editing.

"Hey!" you frown.

"It's a surprise," Jaemin tells you.

"Jaemin," you pout.

"Two weeks isn't that long, sweetheart. You can wait," he shrugs.

"Booooo. You're no fun," you roll your eyes.

Jaemin stands to place his laptop on his desk. He shoves his hands in his pocket as he walks back over to the bed but only stops at the foot, silently staring at you.

"What?" you ask, worried you had smudged mascara under your eyes or something.

"Nothing. I just like looking at you," the corners of Jaemin's lips curl up.

"What, you think half my makeup on your pillow and bed head is hot?" you joke, suddenly nervous, feeling like he's looking into your soul.

"Yeah, cause you're hot," he grins.

"Shut up, Jaemin," you turn your back to him.

"No," he grabs your hip, rolls you onto your back, and hovers over you, "I like getting you all like this," he grins, "All embarrassed and flustered. It's adorable."

"Now you're just teasing."

"I thought you liked it when I teased you."

Your face grows warm as he smiles at your flustered state.

Jaemin leans down and kisses you, your hands instantly finding his hair. One of his hands travels down your body and reaches under your shirt, the feeling of his fingers trailing up your torso sending goosebumps all over your skin. Jaemin hums approvingly when he finds you wearing no bra and cups your breast in his hand. You give up the fight for dominance, letting Jaemin's tongue slip past your lips. He lightly traces his finger around your areola, slowly circling the perky bud. He teasingly pinches your nipple between two fingers allowing a moan to slip out of your mouth.

"Do you want me to stop teasing you now?" Jaemin asks.

"No. Please keep going."

"Look at you, baby. Already so desperate for more."

Jaemin slowly trails his finger down your stomach toward the waistband of your sweatpants. He moves his hand to your thighs, softly squeezing them while pulling them apart. Jaemin's hands purposely take their time as he traces the apex of your thigh before cupping your sex over your clothes. He watches your reactions as he runs his finger along your slit, making you feel how uncomfortably wet your underwear has gotten.

A whimper from you brings a dangerous smirk to Jaemin's face.

"Jaem, please no more."

"No more what?"

"Teasing. Please just touch me."

"Like this?" he slips his hand into your pants, softly petting your clit.

"Yes, please just like that," you tell him.

Jaemin hums, feeling the wetness between your legs, easily slipping a finger in before adding another.

Your soft whimpers start to grow louder. Jaemin quiets you with a finger to your lips.

"Shh, some of the boys are back," he tells you, "So if you don't want them to hear you, you're gonna have to be quiet, okay, bunny?"

Unable to produce any sounds other than moans, you just nod. Your eyes roll back when the heel of Jaemin's palm rubs against your clit while curling his fingers expertly. Your fingernails dig into his bicep as you feel the pleasure coursing through your veins.

Jaemin enters a third finger, loving the feeling of your soft walls pulsing around his digits.

You bury your head into Jaemin's neck, trying to muffle your moans with his shirt, resorting to biting down on his shoulder when that doesn't seem to work.

Jaemin groans, feeling the way your body reacts to him, "Fuck, baby, you gonna cum for me already?"

You just nod, holding onto Jaemin as that coil in your stomach grows tighter. Jaemin hears your muffled pleas, your body unable to hold back from squirming as you feel your orgasm approaching.

Your legs close around Jaemin's hand, his fingers still wiggling inside of you as you cum. You curl yourself into Jaemin, letting yourself revel in the high and come back down.

Feeling Jaemin press kisses to your temple brought your face out of his neck to let him kiss your lips instead. You whine into his mouth as he slowly moves his hand away from your sensitive pussy.

"Did so good for me, angel," he says, looking at his fingers, glistening with your slick before taking them into his mouth.

Such a sight shouldn't turn you on as much as it does.

You grab his face and bring his lips back to yours. You feel his body pressed against yours but still want him impossibly closer. You almost don't hear the knock on the door, too preoccupied with thinking about his dick growing hard against your thigh.

With an annoyed grumble, Jaemin stops kissing you and purposely pulls your legs over his lap when he tells whoever's on the other side of the door to come in.

"Renjun wants to know if you're throwing for drinks," Chenle enters without looking up from his phone.

"How much?" Jaemin asks.

"$10," he replies.

Jaemin reaches into his pocket and gives Chenle the cash.

"What about you?" Chenle then asks you.

"What about me? This isn't my party. I don't live here."

"You might as well. You eat our food and smoke our weed."

"Our?" Jaemin furrows his eyebrows.

"Come on, Chenle, don't act like you don't love seeing my pretty face all the time," you grin.

Chenle rolls his eyes, "I don't know how you put up with her," he says to Jaemin before leaving.

"You love me, Lele!" you yell after him.

Once the door shut, Jaemin turns back to you, cupping your jaw. But just as he was about to kiss you, your phone rang.

"Hello?" you answer.

"I'm here," Meera says.

"Okay, I'm-" you're cut off.

"Hi, Meera," Jaemin says, taking the phone from you.

"Hi, Jaemin. You kids have fun?"

"Yeah. Only smoked a little, then was able to get some edits done since someone decided to take a nap," Jaemin teasingly pokes your sides.

"Was she snoring?" you hear Meera ask.

"Excuse you. I do not snore," you defend.

"No, but you talk in your sleep sometimes," Jaemin tells you. You gasp, shocked at this new information. "Don't worry, baby, it's cute." he kisses you.

Meera gags from the other end. "Alright, I'm hanging up now. Tell her to hurry up!" she says before ending the call.

"Wait, you're leaving me?" Jaemin whines with a pout.

"Uh, did you think I was wearing this tonight?" you motion to your shirt and sweatpants.

"I don't see anything wrong with this," Jaemin shrugs.

You roll your eyes, "It won't even be that long. I'll be back here in two hours tops," you kiss the pout on his lips before leaving, and meeting Meera outside.

You had barely just gotten into the car when Meera recites, "'Don't worry, baby, it's cute.'"

"Don't start," you warn her.

[10:35 PM]

Now when you said two hours, you probably should have clarified that that would be how long it would take you to get ready. But considering your best friends tend to lose track of time when alcohol is involved, taking a few shots before heading out should have been the first indicator that the night would start later than you originally anticipated.

Before you even entered the house, you were worried the boys would get a noise complaint, but none of them seemed to share your concerns, as most of them were well beyond gone by this point.

It doesn't take you long to find Jaemin since he's seated in front of the TV in the living room, playing Mario Kart with Jisung, Haechan, and a few others.

Jaemin glances at you before taking a double take as Rina drags you along to the kitchen. You smirk, winking at him as well.

"Dude, come on, we're waiting on you," Haechan nudges Jaemin, breaking him out of his daze.

"Give me a second," Jaemin quickly stands from the couch and makes a beeline for the kitchen.

Jaemin finds you, along with Rina, pouring a mix of things on the counter into plastic red solos.

You down most of what's in your cup, thankful you can't taste the alcohol, and actually enjoy the drink before turning around and almost crashing into Jaemin.

"Hi," he cages you against the counter.

"Hello," you smile, holding onto his shoulders and balancing yourself.

Jaemin can tell by your bubbliness and grin on your face, you're further on the tipsy side.

"I think it's been longer than two hours you've had me waiting, pretty girl," Jaemin tilts your chin up toward him before letting his eyes fall down the rest of your body, taking in your outfit.

"I'm sorry," you say sweetly, "Someone couldn't decide on which shoes went with her dress," you look over at Rina.

"Look, if I wasn't satisfied with my outfit, I would've made it everyone's problem tonight," Rina says before knocking back a shot and wandering off to socialize.

Jaemin can't take his eyes off you. The haze from smoking just minutes before you arrived now has his mind clouded with nothing but thoughts of you. "Couldn't even be mad if I tried," he brings his lips closer to yours, "Not when you look this fucking good. All I wanna do is-"

"Jaemin, get your ass in here before we start without you!" you hear Minjeong's voice yell from the living room.

"We aren't finished," Jaemin says to you.

"I'm not going anywhere," you tell him.

. . .

You had lost track of time about three drinks and two spliffs ago.

Smoke filled the kitchen, the one window open all the way, doing next to nothing to actually air out the room. You could feel yourself getting higher with every passing second you stayed in there.

You're brought out of your daze when Kayla approaches your corner, "Hey, have you seen Jaemin?"

"I think he went to get more drinks out of Jeno's car," Eunji answers.

"Why?" Rina jumps in to ask.

"Nothing urgent. He just owes me a rematch," Kayla answers with a smile before walking off.

Rina nods suspiciously, eyeing the girl as she floats around the kitchen.

"Is she trying to make a pass at your man?"

"What? No, he's not even—Wait," suddenly, a sick feeling rises in your stomach, and you doubt its from the alcohol, "No way she is-"

"You remember freshmen year?" Eunji asks.

"Her and Jaemin freshmen year?" Rina emphasizes.

"Okay, but that was years ago," you say.

"And I hear she still doesn't stop boasting about hooking up with Jaemin. Like she was the one to discover the eighth wonder of the world or something," Aeri tells you.

You laugh, "I mean, it is that good-" Rina pinches you, disparaging your joke, wanting you to be more serious about this. "Ow! What!? You really think I'm worried? I trust Jaemin already has in mind who'll end up in his bed by the end of the night anyway," you smirk as you finish the rest of your drink.

"Yeah, but Kayla doesn't think there's anything to stop her from restaking claim on that eighth wonder."

"Enough with that fucking analogy," you hop off the counter, now clearly annoyed.

You were not jealous. No, no, never that. But you couldn't admit out loud that your friends' words helped stir the feeling of possessiveness boiling inside of you.

Jaemin enters the kitchen with cases of beer, settling them on the table before his eyes scan the room. Once they find you, he smiles.

In your peripheral, you see Kayla approaching Jaemin, and you're already moving across the tiled floor to Jaemin before you can even think about it.

Neither Jaemin or Kayla have the chance to say anything as you kiss Jaemin, catching him and everyone else off guard. But shock quickly leaves Jaemin's body when he feels your lips against his, and kisses you back, grabbing your waist.

You circle your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss and letting Jaemin's tongue slip into your mouth. The both of you are too caught up in the heat of it to care for all the people witnessing the entire thing.

Coming back to reality, you pull away with his bottom lip between your teeth, making him slightly groan. Jaemin looks at you with a dark gaze before you slip out of his arms.

You wipe off your lipgloss from the corner of his mouth, turning to Kayla, "You said you were looking for him for something?" you ask before walking away, leaving her and Jaemin both speechless.

Returning to your friends' corner of the kitchen, you quickly search for another drink. Aeri immediately hands you hers, and you knock back the liquor.

"That was…" Jisung's at a loss for words.

"Unexpected," Yangyang finishes.

"Hot," Eunji says.

"Unexpectedly hot," Rina partially jokes.

You don't hear Jaemin approaching you from behind and jump when you feel his chest against your back.

"Come to my room in five minutes," he says in your ear.

By the time you turn around, Jaemin's already walking away, shooting you a wink as he makes his way up the stairs.

"There's no way you actually believe that. Rise of the Skywalker doesn't have shit on Rogue One!" Minjeong continues.

You used the heat of Minjeong's Star Wars debate with Keeho to unnoticeably slip away from the party.

You follow the familiar path to Jaemin's room to be quickly pulled inside before you can even reach for the doorknob. Jaemin's door slams shut with your body pinned against it. You can feel your pulse rapidly beating the closer Jaemin's face got to yours, his lips only a breath away from yours.

"You really thought you could do something like that and just walk away like it was nothing?" Jaemin asks lowly.

"Kayla seemed like she had something important to tell you," you shrug, "What'd she have to say, anyway?"

"Wanted a rematch in Mario Kart," he says.

"So why are you in here with me and not out there giving her what she wants?" you ask.

"Cause I already know what she wants. But I've made it very clear that me and her are just friends."

"So are we," you say.

"But this—you and I—is different," Jaemin says.

"How?"

"Because it was freshmen year, and Kayla and I were never really seeing each other. Just fucking."

"Ah, yes. Just good, meaningless, hot sex," you nod.

"Exactly. Meaningless," Jaemin made sure to enunciate every syllable of the last word.

"Are you saying this means something?"

"Yeah, it can," Jaemin's gaze drops to the floor for a second, "If you want it to," he sheepishly smiles at you.

You smile as you slide your hands up to Jaemin's shoulders and kiss him. The loud music playing and noisy people in the house all fade into oblivion with Jaemin's lips pressed sensually against yours.

Jaemin brings you to his bed, sitting on the edge before pulling you into his lap. Jaemin roughly grabs your thighs in his hands, sliding up your skin higher and higher. Your fingers tangle in his hair, bringing him impossibly closer. He cups your jaw, pushing his tongue past your lips, tasting the mix of juice and alcohol lingering with a hint of smoke on your own.

"Gotta admit, though, you're even hotter when you're jealous," he grins. When Jaemin leans in to kiss you, he finds himself chasing after your lips.

"Jealous??" you raise your brows, "Nah ah, I don't do jealous. Possessive, I'll take, but jealous??" you scoff.

"Well, whatever you wanna call it, angel," Jaemin slowly guides your hand down his body, "Just know that it's all you—only you who's doing this to me," your hand lands right over the zipper of his jeans, allowing you to feel the outline of his cock, growing hard.

A grin breaks out on your face, and you grab Jaemin's neck, pulling him back in, roughly kissing him.

He falls back onto the bed with his lips still on yours. Jaemin slips his hand between your bodies, feeling your wetness through the thin layer of cotton.

"Already such a mess for me, angel," he teases.

"S'all just for you."

Jaemin pulls your panties to the side, satisfied with the warm slick he feels on his fingers. Your breath grows uneven when he slowly circles his thumb around your clit.

"Want me to do something about that?" Jaemin asks.

"You can do whatever you want," you try to keep yourself together.

"I want you to sit on my face," Jaemin says between kisses.

You freeze and pull away from him. You don't know how to react other than to burst out into laughter. Jaemin only smiles when he hears your laugh, but the look in his eyes tells you he isn't just saying some stupid shit cause he's high.

"You're serious?" you stop laughing.

"I was pretty serious earlier, and I still am now. Besides, when have I ever said something didn't mean," Jaemin tells you while rubbing his hand up and down your back.

You tug your lip between your teeth, growing excited at the thought; your underwear definitely ruined at this point.

All you can do is say, "Okay," with a nod.

Jaemin's hands that were previously toying with the material of your skirt are now bunching up the fabric, pushing it up your hips.

You slide your underwear down your legs without breaking eye contact with him, dropping them somewhere on the floor.

Jaemin places his hands on your hips once you crawl your way up his body. He smirks, licking his lips, about to direct you onto his mouth before you stop him. "Wait."

"What?"

"I've never done this before," you tell him, sitting back on his chest.

"Do you want to?" he asks, softly running his hands over your thighs.

"I mean, yeah."

"Then, come on and take your seat, princess," Jaemin grins.

"What if I hurt you?"

"You're not gonna," he softly smiles, "But even if you do, I wouldn't mind suffocating by these thighs," he kisses your inner thigh.

"Jaemin," you whine.

"I'm just kidding...partially."

"You better start kicking and screaming if something's wrong," you tell him sternly.

"I will. I promise."

You begin to lower yourself onto Jaemin's face, but then he wraps his arms around your thighs, bringing you down onto his tongue. You moan loudly, feeling the wet muscle lick between your folds, and Jaemin moans too. The taste of you flowing into his mouth like a never-ending fountain.

"Jaemin—ah," you grab onto his hair, "that feels so fucking good."

Jaemin hums in response, swirling his tongue around your clit. You throw your head back, and your hips start mindlessly rocking against Jaemin's tongue. You hear a muffled groan from the man beneath you, and you lift yourself off his face.

Jaemin has a drunken grin on his face while his mouth and chin are wet with your juices, his hair stuck up in different directions from you pulling on it.

"Why'd you stop?" he asks, breathless.

"I don't know, I got scared. I thought you couldn't breathe," you said.

"Baby, I'm fine. Don't worry about me," Jaemin says, eager to get you back on his mouth. "You're thinking about it too much again."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just focus on me," Jaemin tells you before lowering you back onto his mouth.

You sink your teeth into your bottom lip as Jaemin captures your clit between his lips. Jaemin never takes his eyes away from your face, watching the worry melt into bliss. You can't help your hips from moving on their own accord, riding Jaemin's face as you chase your orgasm.

Teasing your slit with the tip of his tongue, you feel the vibrations from beneath from Jaemin laughing at your protests against his antics. The wet muscle slips inside of you, feeling your soft walls pulsing.

"Yes-fuck, Jaemin," you screw your eyes shut and throw your head back, "Please, don't stop," you move your hips faster.

But then Jaemin locks his arms around your thighs, keeping you from moving.

Because of how laid back he usually is, it becomes easy for you to forget that Jaemin is no stranger to the gym and frequently visits along with his best friend. A broken moan rips from your throat, feeling Jaemin use his strength to restrict your movements and keep you right where he wants you.

"Cum for me, angel," he says, briefly coming up for air.

Your fist in Jaemin's hair roughly grabs at his roots, causing him to moan against your clit, the euphoria shooting up your spine like an electric shock. You can feel his arms flexing around you to keep you from crushing his head as he laps at your folds.

It wasn't until Jaemin felt your body trembling and your hips attempting to pull away from his mouth, did he free you from his hold. You exhaustedly collapse onto the bed next to him.

"Oh my fucking god, Jaemin," you pant, your eyes fluttering shut.

Jaemin laughs, rolling over to face you. He cages you in with his arms and studies your fucked out state from your hazy eyes to your thighs slightly twitching, still reeling from the intensity of your orgasm. He lowers himself to kiss your face.

"You feeling okay?" Jaemin asks.

"Much better than okay," you tell him.

"Good," he kisses you, "Come on," he then moves off you.

"Wha- Where are we going?" you sit up.

"Back to the party?" he says.

Your eyes fall to the bulge in his pants before flicking back to his face.

"I'll be fine. We've been missing for too long anyway," Jaemin began straightening out his clothes.

"Jaemin," you pout, grabbing his hand.

"Aht, don't worry about me, angel," he tells you, "I definitely got what I came for," he says with a kiss.

You grumble, knowing his ass is just as stubborn as you. It's become abundantly clear that he enjoys giving more than receiving, but you can't help that it makes you want to give just as much if only he would let you.

Jaemin watches you start the search for your underwear before stopping you, "Leave them," Jaemin says, "They'll only be coming off again later," he smirks.

You look at him with your mouth slightly open, already feeling the heat pooling in your lower stomach all over again. He gives you a second to pull yourself together before taking your hand and leading you back out to the party.

"Did your room somehow move across the city? The fuck took you so long?" Ningning asks the second you and Jaemin enter the living room, snatching the rolling papers out of Jaemin's hands.

"Sorry, got sidetracked," Jaemin says, sitting on the couch.

"Sidetracked fucking-" Haechan starts before Meera slaps his arm.

"Leave them alone," Meera scolds her boyfriend.

Jaemin didn't give you a chance to think before pulling you down into the spot next to him, keeping his arm around you.

For the remainder of the party, Jaemin mostly stayed at your side, keeping you within arms reach until he could have you to himself for the rest of the night.

[9:51 AM] SATURDAY

When Jaemin woke up, he knew he was fucked.

You were peacefully sleeping beside him, your chest slowly rising and falling with every breath you took. Goosebumps appear over your arms and legs as the AC kicks on, and your hardened nipples poke through the t-shirt Jaemin gave you to sleep in.

"Fuck," he lowly curses to himself, desperately willing away the boner growing in his underwear.

Jaemin could take care of it on his own. It's not like he's unfamiliar with having to slip away from you to take care of an issue that was indirectly caused by you. The first instance being all those months ago, when you first started messing around before you made it clear you were just as open to giving as you were receiving.

Now would be no different, except Jaemin can already imagine the pout forming on your face if you were to know he did so himself instead of letting you. But Jaemin couldn't find it within himself to wake you, knowing how quickly you knocked out last night after he completely wore you out. So a solo quickie in the bathroom is what it's gonna have to be for now.

One problem, though, is you're lying on one of his arms.

Trying his hardest not to wake you, Jaemin tries first, slowly moving away from you toward the edge of the bed so he can quickly take back his arm.

Jaemin starts to hear soft murmurs fall from your lips as you begin to stir, and he stops moving. Once he confirms you're still asleep, Jaemin tries again, almost getting his arm completely free.

But as a chill runs through you, you move back, seeking the warmth of his body again, putting Jaemin back at square one.

With all the sudden movement, your eyes flutter open, and you look over your shoulder at Jaemin.

"Good morning," you smile, seeing he's already awake.

"Morning," Jaemin tries not to focus on the fact that your ass is flush against his erection, "Sleep well?" he asks.

"Uh huh," you nod through a yawn before stretching, causing your ass to rub against Jaemin's crotch. "Seems like you did, too," you raise an eyebrow, now, very much aware of his hard cock resting against your backside.

"Would've taken care of it if you weren't holding my arm hostage," he tells you.

"What would you need to do that for when I'm right here?" you twist your torso, even more, to look at him.

"Didn't wanna wake you," he says.

"Would've been the best way to wake me," you press your lips to his.

You slip your hand between your bodies, finding his clothed cock and palming him over his boxers.

Jaemin groans into your mouth, tugging your bottom lip between his teeth as he ruts his hips into your hand. You push the waistband of Jaemin's boxers down far enough to let his length spring free, grasping his throbbing cock in your hand.

"Fuck, angel," he groans as you twist your wrist, slowly jerking him.

Jaemin's free hand trails up the backs of your thighs before sneaking between them to discover you must've had a dream as good as Jaemin's, considering how wet you already are and he hasn't even done anything to you yet.

"Dream sweet dreams of me, bunny?" Jaemin teases.

"Uh huh," you mumble against his lips.

"I make you feel this good in your dreams?" he asks, moving your panties to the side and rubbing your clit.

"No, this is so much better."

A moan bubbles in Jaemin's throat, feeling you squeeze the base of his cock. You try not to lose concentration and swipe your thumb over his slit leaking with beads of precum, and a raspy curse falls from Jaemin's lips.

"Fuck, sweetheart, you're gonna be the death of me," he says.

"Jaemin, please."

"What, pretty girl?" he asks, "You know if you want something, all you gotta do is ask for it."

You whine, hating that Jaemin loves putting you on the spot like this because he enjoys seeing you all flustered.

"I want you."

"I'm right here, baby," Jaemin says softly, "You want me to do something to you?" he asks, teasingly tracing the seam of your lower lips.

"Yes."

"You wanna feel me inside?"

You nod.

"Like this?" he asks, sinking two fingers into your pussy.

You hum, your eyes fluttering shut; Jaemin all too well-versed in knowing how to play your body like a fiddle.

"More," you tell him.

"You want my cock, angel?"

"Yes," you nod, "Please."

Jaemin wastes no more time with your panties, pulling them to the side and lining his cock up with your entrance.

The raw feeling of skin against skin without the latex barrier causes you to become more and more grateful for the conversation you and Jaemin had a few weeks ago about using condoms, knowing neither of you are sleeping with anyone else, and you completely trust Jaemin. Because the feeling of him entirely—every ridge, curve, and vein—buried deep inside you had your head spinning.

You sharply gasp, arching your back as Jaemin slides into you. He buries his head into your neck, sinking his teeth into your skin. Your eyes roll back, and you try to grab onto whatever you can.

Resting his hand on your hip, Jaemin slowly slips out of your pussy before filling you right back up.

"Jaemin~" you mewl.

"You like that, princess? Is this what you wanted?" he asks.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes—thank you, Jaemin," you screw your eyes shut and grab onto his arm.

"Anything for my angel," he kisses you.

Once Jaemin finds a steady rhythm to work at, he grabs your leg, pulling your knee toward your chest. The new position allows you to feel the delicious drag of his cock against your walls. Your shallow breaths quickly melt into small whimpers and moans as Jaemin toys with your clit. Reaching behind you, you grab his hair, your lips meeting in a sloppy, desperate kiss. Jaemin angles his hips, hitting your sweet spot with precision, making you moan.

"Jaemin, oh my god-"

"I know, sweetheart, I know," he slows down, "But if we don't wanna wake anyone, you gotta be quiet for me," he tells you.

You bit down on your lip, suppressing the noises threatening to spill from your lips. You could hear how uneven Jaemin's breathing had become as your walls pulsed around him.

"You're doing so good for me, baby," he kisses your cheek, "You gonna cum?"

Untrusting of your voice, you only nod.

"You feel so good—fuck. So fucking tight and wet," Jaemin rasps in your ear while working your clit with his thumb.

You force your face into the pillow, muffling your cries as you cum around Jaemin's cock.

You can hear the heavy breathing and grunts from the man behind you, feeling your pussy choke his cock in a vice grip.

"Shit," Jaemin hisses, slipping out of your overstimulated cunt.

You quickly replace Jaemin's hand with yours, curling your fingers around his shaft. You move to situate yourself between his legs, taking his dick into your mouth without a second thought.

"Fuck, angel," Jaemin runs a hand through his hair, "You're so fucking good for me," he throws his head back against the headboard.

You flicker your eyes up toward him, taking in the way his brows furrow and abs contract with every slow movement of his hips.

"You're gonna make me cum," he warns, stroking the back of your head.

You moan, taking more of him down your throat until tears are pricking at your eyes. You use your hand to squeeze the base of his cock while you hollow your cheeks around the rest of what you can fit in your mouth. Jaemin lifts his head, looking down at you, lost in your own little world, seemingly enjoying this as much as he is.

That was enough for Jaemin to shoot warm ropes of cum down your throat.

Jaemin's sensitive cock twitches against your tongue, watching your pretty lips slide off his dick, licking the drops of his cum off the corners of your mouth before swallowing.

"Since when were you such a morning person?" Jaemin asks, catching his breath.

Sitting up on your knees, you crawl into his lap. "I'm not. Just a really horny one," you wrap your arms around his neck.

Jaemin laughs against your lips, holding your hips.

A knock on the door startles you, pulling you away from Jaemin. "If you two are done fucking, breakfast is ready," you hear Rina's voice.

"Oh my god," your eyes widen, "I wasn't even that loud, was I?" you ask in horror.

"You weren't exactly quiet," Jaemin says.

"Yeah, no thanks to you," you roll your eyes.

"So now this is my fault?"

"Yes," you answer, getting off him.

You stand and suddenly become aware of the ache in your legs. Jaemin places his hands on your hips to steady you, ready to follow you out.

As you make your way downstairs, the smell of weed hangs heavily in the air, and you can hear some sort of disagreement in the living room over the music playing from the kitchen, letting you know almost everyone is awake.

Great.

"Good morning," you enter the kitchen with Jaemin close behind you.

"Must've been a good morning for you indeed," Meera says, and you pinch her as you pass by her.

"Save me a seat," Jaemin whispers, kissing your cheek and lightly tapping your ass before joining the wake and bake sesh going on in the living room.

You can feel the eyes on you as you move around the kitchen, making yourself a plate of food. Rina, Meera, and Kali all wait until you sit down before they begin.

"So, last night was…interesting," Meera starts.

"What makes you say so?" you ask.

"For starters, you missed everything with Kali and Chenle last night-" Rina begins.

"Aht, aht, this wasn't even supposed to be about me, and there's nothing to even tell," Kali cut her off.

"That game of truth or dare said otherwise..." Meera mumbles behind her coffee mug.

"It was your idiot boyfriend's idea to play that stupid game," Kali spits back defensively.

"Well, it certainly is surprising to still see you're here this morning. And that shirt is looking vaguely familiar. I'm pretty sure I remember seeing Chenle wearing it when I was here yesterday," you tease Kali.

"I was too fucked up to go home last night, and he let me borrow it so I wouldn't have to sleep in my dress," Kali explains.

"Sounding familiar?" you ask Meera.

"Just a little," Meera nods.

"Anyway, what we're actually here to discuss is whatever almost went down last night between you and Kayla," Kali says.

"Oh my god," you roll your eyes, "Whatever over-exaggeration Rina already told you, just imagine that but ten times less dramatic."

"Oh, come on. The look you had on your face, if Kayla had been two seconds faster, her ass would've ended up knocked out right in that spot," Rina says, pointing to almost the exact same spot you kissed Jaemin last night.

You laugh before flinging a piece of bacon at Rina.

"That is so, not what would have happened," you shake your head, "But it doesn't matter now anyway since Jaemin made it very clear, they are nothing but a memory in the past."

"How clear?" Meera asks.

"Clear enough, I forgot why I was even bothered by the third time he made me cum last night," you grin as the memories flash back in your mind.

[4:26 PM] TUESDAY

A soft knock on your door brings you out of your slumber. You mumble a response to whoever's on the other side of the door, telling them to come in.

Jaemin's voice fills your ears as he calls your name, and you lift your head to look at him.

"Jaemin?" you rub the sleep out of your eyes.

"Hi, sweetheart," he sweetly smiles at you.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, afraid you forgot plans you made with him.

"Eunji said you weren't feeling good, so I came to check on you," Jaemin says, and before you can ask, he tells you, "I caught Rina on her way out and she let me in."

"You didn't have to come all the way over here, Jaem," you smile at him, "I'm fine," you say before groaning as your muscles contracted, "This shit ain't nothing I'm not used to," you bury your face into your pillow, wishing the pain would quickly pass.

Spotting the bottle of Motrin on your nightstand, Jaemin asks, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, not really," you finally feel the tension ease up.

"You sure, baby?" Jaemin rubs your leg soothingly.

"Unless you have something in mind, Nana," you smirk.

Jaemin grins as he pulls your legs apart, situating himself between them, and hovers over you. He lowers himself to plant a soft kiss on your lips. The quick little pecks quickly escalate into a full-on makeout, your legs locking around his waist as he grips your thigh.

"Someone's eager, huh?"

"Maybe I'm just a little needier today," you tell him.

"Not an issue for me at all," he says, slipping his hands under your hoodie.

Goosebumps rise on your skin, feeling his fingertips softly brush your sides, sliding your hoodie up your torso. Jaemin starts kissing down your body, beginning to reposition himself between your legs.

"Jaemin, wait," you stop him, and he snaps his head up at you,

"What? What's wrong?" he asks, concerned.

"I'm on my period," you tell him.

Jaemin nods, "I know. I figured that much when Eunji said you could barely get out of bed today because how bad your cramps were," he kisses your lower stomach.

Compared to your previous hookups, Jaemin had already exceeded your standards, and even now, he continues to raise them.

Wow, the bar really is in hell.

But as you stay quiet, still taken aback by his response, Jaemin pulls away from you.

"But, obviously, if you don't want to, I understand, baby," he kisses your hand.

"No, I do. It's just…"

"What?"

"I don't know. Other guys made me feel weird about it. So I guess I wasn't expecting you to not care."

"Of course I care," he softly kneads your thigh, "that's why I want to."

"What about the mess?" you pout.

"You really think a little blood bothers me?"

"Evidently not," you say, "But I just put these sheets down," you whine. Now it seemed like you were the one making up excuses.

Jaemin laughs, "I could always go grab that towel from my car," he says, "Or better yet…" he gets off you and disappears into your bathroom. You hear the shower turn on before Jaemin comes back. Sitting up on your elbows, you watch as he grabs the back of his shirt, tearing it over his head. "Come get in the shower with me," he instructs before dropping his pants, leaving himself naked in front of you.

Jaemin smiles as you gawk over his figure before he leaves your sight, going into the bathroom. You rise from the bed and begin undressing as you follow his steps.

Entering the bathroom, you feel the humidity clinging to your skin as you close the door. Jaemin stands under the shower head, letting the water run down his body as he watches you through the glass door, undressing yourself the rest of the way. More steam pours out as you open the door and step into the shower. Wet strands of hair hang over Jaemin's eyes as he stares at you through his lashes.

Watching the water roll down the contours of his body has you pressing your thighs together.

"It's rude to stare, angel."

"Sorry," you snap out of it, shaking your head.

Softly smiling at how cute you are, Jaemin holds his arms out for you, "Come here."

Shortening the already small distance between you, you walk into his arms and let him embrace you. Water dripping from the ends of his hair land on your nose and cheeks with how close you are to him.

You grab Jaemin's face as he circles his arms around you. You bite down on his lip with a squeal, feeling the water hitting your back when he switches spots with you, putting you under the stream of water. Jaemin laughs as he directs you to turn away from him and pull your back against his chest.

"I've got you, sweetheart. Just relax for me," Jaemin kisses the side of your neck.

You let the warm water cascade over you, seemingly easing your tense muscles as Jaemin kisses your skin.

You lean against Jaemin's firm chest as he snakes his arms around you. His hands slowly move from your hips, sliding up your torso to cup your breasts. You begin softly mewling as Jaemin kneads the tender flesh. He feels your hardened nipples under his touch and softly tweaks them between his fingers, making you moan and arch into his hand.

"Oh, baby," he coos, "You're so sensitive," you felt him smile against your ear.

"Feels good," you crane your neck to look at him.

"Yeah, want me to keep making you feel better?"

"Please," you nod at him.

Jaemin presses his lips to yours as one of his hands slips between your thighs. You whimper, shuddering in his arms, feeling his middle finger softly stroke your swollen clit.

You grab Jaemin's hair, deepening the kiss as you roll your hips against his hand. He smiles against your lips, swallowing your moans when he sinks one of his fingers into your warm cunt.

"Yeah?" Jaemin asks, watching your brows furrow as your mouth drops open, silently moaning.

"Yes, Nana, please give me more."

"As you wish, sweetheart."

Jaemin adds two more fingers at the same time, your pussy sucking in his three digits. Your back arches away from his chest, and Jaemin flexes his arms, keeping you flush against his body.

The pain in your lower abdomen subsided, quickly replaced by the coil in your stomach tightening.

Jaemin ignores the fatigue in his arm, still curling his fingers against your gummy walls, repeatedly hitting your sweet spot. He uses his other hand to focus on your clit, pressing his fingers to the stimulated bundle of nerves and rubbing calculated circles.

"Jaemin, please, oh my god-"

"Gonna cum for Nana?"

"Mhm��I'm so close."

"Go on, baby, let go for me."

Jaemin lets you rest all your weight on him as you slump against his chest, letting your orgasm wrack through your body. He kisses your shoulder, easing you through your come down.

Turning your head to find Jaemin's lips, you slip your tongue into his mouth. He softly wraps his hand around your neck to keep you there, tangling his tongue with yours. You rest your hand over his, holding your throat, saying, "Please, fuck me," you whisper against his lips.

"I love how pretty you sound begging for me."

"Please, Nana, I need you so fucking bad." With how unpredictable your emotions have been all day, you thought tears might actually start falling from your eyes if he kept teasing you like this.

"It's okay, bunny. I'm right here."

Jaemin has no trouble guiding his cock into your pussy as he holds eye contact with you, watching your face melt into bliss. A low growl-like sound emits from Jaemin's chest as he buries himself inside you.

"Holy fuck, princess, you feel so fucking good. I could keep your pretty little pussy wrapped around me all night."

The thought alone causes a new wave of arousal to flood between your legs, and you're thankful for already being in the shower.

"Jaemin," you moan.

"Not if you keep saying my name like that, though," he groans, slowly adjusting his hips. "But that's okay, baby. You can cockwarm me another time," he says, and your walls flutter around him, "Of course, you'd like that," he smiles.

Anything you had thought of saying is erased from the forefront of your mind, feeling Jaemin draw his hips back before pulling you back onto his cock. Fully sheathed inside you, it feels like he's impossibly deep inside your guts. Beyond the running water and yourself, you could hear wet skin hitting against each other as Jaemin pounded into you from behind. You don't have much to ground yourself with, holding onto the tiled wall.

"How're you feeling, bunny?" Jaemin asks against your neck.

"Good. So fucking good," you cry, "T-Thank you…thank you, Nana," you stutter as he slows down, the tip of his cock softly stroking your sweet spot.

"Nana's got to make sure his princess is all taken care of," Jaemin kisses your temple.

"Nana, please," you pant.

Jaemin smirks, watching your eyes roll back when his hand returns to your neck. This time gently squeezing the sides of your throat.

"You close again, angel?" he asks in your ear.

"Please," you beg.

"Touch yourself for me."

"Jaem-"

"You wanna cum, don't you?" he asks. You nod, and Jaemin guides one of your hands to your core, "Then let me feel you make your pretty little pussy cum on my cock."

It was hard enough to stand on your own, let alone focus on touching yourself. In contrast to Jaemin, your fingers weakly rubbed your clit with sloppily uncoordinated circles.

"That's my good girl," Jaemin hums, feeling the way your pussy chokes his dick as he thrusts into you. "Cum for Nana," he tells you.

"Jaem!" You desperately reach for him, one hand tangled in his hair while the other left red scratches down his forearm.

With your legs shaking from the intensity of your orgasm, Jaemin secures his firm hold to keep you upright. His soft grunts fill your ears as your pussy pulses around his cock, making it harder to resist the urge to cum inside you. You feel Jaemin's cock twitch against your walls, brushing your abused g-spot when he quickly slips out of your cunt. You hear Jaemin's breathy moans as he jerks himself in his hand, cumming on your lower back.

"Fuck," you tiredly fall against the tiled wall.

"How are you feeling now?" Jaemin asks, pulling you away from the wall and turning you to him.

"So much better," you say through shallow breaths. "Thank you, Jaemin."

He kisses your forehead, "Now let's actually get you cleaned up."

[6:42 PM] SUNDAY

"Ow! You just pricked me!" Haechan exclaims.

"If you weren't moving, I wouldn't have," Rina grits through her teeth.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Haechan asks.

"Of course I fucking do. This is my major!" Rina now purposely pricks Haechan's arm with a sewing needle, "Mimi, I swear to god, I'm going to sew your boyfriend's mouth shut," she turns to Meera on the couch.

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't. Hyuck's real good at using that mouth for more than just talking," Meera smiles proudly.

"Oh my god, please stop," you cover your ears and roll off the couch.

Not wanting to hear what Haechan could have possibly said back to his girlfriend, you go down the hall to bother Kali and Jaemin.

You peer your head into the bathroom to see Jaemin leaning over the side of the tub while Kali washes the dye out of his hair with the detachable showerhead.

"Hey, pass me that towel," Kali points to the towel hanging on the door.

Handing her the towel, you ask, "How're you doing, Jaem?"

"None of my hair has fallen out yet, so that's a good sign," Jaemin replies.

Once Kali rings all the water out of Jaemin's hair, she securely wraps the towel around his head and allows him to stand to his full height.

"Can I see?" you ask like an impatient child.

Kali pulls the towel off Jaemin's head, ruffling his hair to get the rest of the water out.

"Oh my god," your eyes widen.

"What do you think?" Kali asks.

"You like?" Jaemin asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"I love," you nod, fighting very hard to resist the urge to run your fingers through his vibrant pink hair yourself.

Throwing the towel back on his head, Jaemin follows you down the hallway back to the living room.

"Jaemin, please tell me you're done," Rina sighs.

"Kali still needs to cut and blow dry my hair," Jaemin answers.

"Damn it. Where's Jeno when you need him? What about Renjun? Is he still studying?" Rina asks.

"I'm not even here," Renjun quickly passes through to the kitchen.

"I'm still right here, you know," Haechan places his hand on his hip.

"Can I get confirmation from all of you you're coming up to lake house this weekend?" Chenle says the moment he enters the house.

"We're doing that this weekend?" Rina stops hemming Haechan's pants.

"This is the last week of the semester. Did we not agree this weekend after Jaemin's exhibit?" Renjun asks.

"That's this week too??" Rina stands up.

"Yup," Jaemin nods, ringing the water out of his ears.

"Oh my god, I don't have anything to wear for any of this," Rina frustratedly ran her hands through her hair.

"This might be a crazy idea, but you could always make something," Chenle says.

"With what time? I still have to finish this and three other outfits for this final project by Wednesday," Rina says.

"Don't you also have to finish my dress for Thursday?" you wonder out loud.

"Fuck!" Rina stomped her foot.

"Hyuck, take off your clothes," Meera stands from the couch.

"Right here in front of all of them, baby? You know I'm not opposed to putting on a show as long as everyone else is okay with it." Haechan says, reaching for his girlfriend.

"No, dummy," she lightly pushes him away, "Take off these clothes and go put some of your own back on, so Rina can take a break," Meera says.

Rina sighed, "I can't-"

"You need to take a break before you stress yourself out more than you already have. I'm not too bad with a thread and needle so I'll help you with whatever, okay?" Meera offers.

After Rina agrees to taking a brief break, a joint magically appears with the words, "Don't say I never do anything for you," from Chenle.

"Shit, I really needed this," Rina drops her head to the back of the couch as she expels the smoke from her lips. "Jaem, you want?" she asks as she passes the joint off to you.

"You know I could never say no," he replies. Joining the rest of you in the living room, Jaemin comes over to you and moves your legs out of the way, making room for himself on the couch, and you hand him the spliff.

"Thank you, beautiful," he takes the joint from you.

Your eyes find themselves glued to Jaemin, watching him take a long drag, letting the cherry burn bright orange for a few seconds. You take in the way the pink fringes of hair frame his face, the new color and cut complimenting him well.

But you're torn out of your thoughts when the front door opens, and Rina jumps to her feet, "Jeno, thank god! Please, I need you, please!" she begs.

"Didn't think she'd be so impetuous when she confessed this," Meera mutters before being met with a pillow to her face, thrown by Rina.

"Uh..yeah sure. What do you need?" Jeno asks.

"First, your measurements," she spins him around and starts measuring his shoulders.

Jaemin makes himself comfortable, draping himself on top of you.

"I've missed you," Jaemin mumbles into your neck.

You laugh, softly threading your fingers through his damp hair, "How? I've been here for the past four hours."

Jaemin lifts his head, "Yeah but I couldn't give you much of my attention. I'm sorry," he pouts.

"Babe, what are you sorry for? I'm fine, not upset," you reassuringly smile at him.

"Still, four hours I spent not really with you...Not touching you," you notice his eyes fall to your lips, "Drove me to near insanity."

You press your lips to his, and Jaemin hums, satisfied into your mouth.

Jaemin only stops kissing you when he's hit in the back of his head with another pillow thrown by Rina, "If you two are not going to be of any help please exit my workspace and go get a room," she says.

"Gladly," Jaemin gets off the couch, grabs your hand, and leads you to his room.

"Wait, Jaem, I still need to give you a blowout," Kali called after him.

"Don't worry Kal, I think I have that covered," you wink as you follow Jaemin up the steps.

"Oh my god, you guys are so gross!"

[7:36 PM] THURSDAY

"How late are we?" you ask as you exit Eunji's car.

"Only a few minutes, but we look good, so there's nothing wrong with being a little fashionably late," Eunji says.

"Especially you," Eunseong says to you, "Rin, you absolutely outdid yourself. And when the fuck can I get one of these?"

"Please give me at least a week before I can make anything else with these hands," Rina said as you all entered the art gallery.

"Did we miss anything?" Eunji asks when you all find Meera and Haechan first.

"Just some rich white woman's speech," Meera answers.

"Perfect, so we missed nothing," Ningning laughed.

"Where's Jaemin and the rest?" you ask.

"Last we saw Jaem, he was over there. Everyone else is everywhere else," Haechan tells you.

The other three stay back to keep talking with Meera and Haechan as you break off from them to find Jaemin. You tried prioritizing your search for him but couldn't but get distracted by the exhibits around you. The sculptures, paintings, photographs, and drawings displayed all over the gallery had you in awe of the work created by your fellow classmates.

Your eyes land on a picture that seems familiar to you. Getting a closer look, you realize it's a picture of Haechan and Meera from a few months ago when you all went to a music festival. You remember that day vividly. It had only been the second day of the festival, and half of you were struggling to cure hangovers from the previous night. Meera and Hyuck seemed to be the only ones sober enough to actually enjoy the performances as they sang and danced with one another. It was the intense passion the two have for one another that you could feel through the picture. Jaemin makes the point to emphasize the emotions in the photo with everything out of focus, your two friends being the center of it all.

You continued looking at the rest of Jaemin's work and noticed your appearance in the photos becoming more frequent as you moved in what you assume is the chronological order of when the pictures were taken.

Jaemin sees you as he speaks with a few sponsors and swiftly excuses himself. He tries to push every inappropriate thought he has, seeing the high slit in the dress and material accentuate every curve of your body.

"He's got a good eye, don't you think?" Jaemin asks you.

"He does," You turn to him and smile. "I'm curious, though, why us?"

"We had to choose an emotion we see every day; happiness, anger, sadness, frustration, fear, love," Jaemin tells you, "I know none of us would put up with one another if we didn't like each other on some basis, but I think the way we express our love to one another is comical, but I also think it's beautiful."

"I love that," you smile.

"Can I show you my favorite one?" he holds his hand out for you.

Taking his hand, you let Jaemin lead you through the rest of his collection until he stops in front of one of the pictures. It was a photo of you. It was big enough that it would take up most of your bedroom wall. You know it was taken not that long ago, remembering that outfit and the party you wore it to. With everyone else dancing, smoking, and drinking around you, you had been the only thing in focus. You can even bet you knew what song you were dancing to by the smile on your face.

"Jaem, when did you take this?" you ask him.

Jaemin smiles, "You and Aeri were too far into the song to even notice," he shrugs, "I don't know, I just couldn't take my eyes off you and just took this on my phone."

This is quite literally the most beautiful picture of you ever taken, and Jaemin just snapped it on his phone amid the chaos you remember of Eric's party while most definitely not sober.

"Why include this picture?" you ask.

"It's my way of showing everyone else the way I see you," he said.

Oh….Oh?

You have no chance to say anything as an older woman approaches the both of you, "Jaemin, I'm still finding it hard to believe these weren't done by a licensed professional with this level of artistry," she says, looking around at his work before leaning into Jaemin and speaking lowly, "I'm not really supposed to say anything now," she looks around, "But that summer internship is practically yours already."

"Wow, that's so great to hear, Mrs. Walters," Jaemin smiles as he shakes her hand before she turns to you.

"Oh, and I recognize you from most of the photographs. Is this your girlfriend?" she asks.

You look at Jaemin, and he looks at you before smiling and squeezing your hand.

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend," Jaemin says.

"How wonderful. Such a beautiful couple," Mrs. Walters smiles at you.

You both thanked her before she was called away, "Again, amazing work, Jaemin. Can't wait to work with you this summer. And lovely meeting you, sweetie."

You nod, barely hearing anything that had just come out of her mouth, still hung up on what had come out of Jaemin's

He just called you his girlfriend?? Jaemin? Girlfriend? You?…Jaemin's girlfriend.

You thought you might possibly explode from the sheer happiness boiling inside you.

You don't realize you've been smiling at Jaemin for quite a minute until your cheeks start hurting. You need to tell someone right now before you absolutely lose it in front of Jaemin and everyone else. You attempt to walk away until Jaemin pulls you back to him instead of letting your hand go.

"Girlfriend—You just…called me your girlfriend," you stumble over your words.

"I did," Jaemin nods, "Was that okay?"

"Say it just one more time for me."

"My beautiful, gorgeous girlfriend."

"I love it," you kiss him, "Now please let me go scream about it in the bathroom."

Jaemin laughs, kissing you one last time before letting you go.

You immediately find Rina by a sculpture that very closely resembles Jeno. How many side gigs does this man have? But you waste no time asking questions about it right now and link Rina's arm, taking her to the bathroom. As you pass Eunji talking to Kara by the bar, Rina snatches Eunji, bringing her along.

"What happened? What's wrong?" Eunji asks as you start pacing around the bathroom.

You stop in your tracks, "Jaemin just called me his girlfriend," you tell them.

Rina's eyes widen before she screams, inducing you and Eunji to scream as well.

The acoustics in the bathroom make the three of you sound like a party of twelve until you realize that you three aren't alone as Meera and Kali exit the big stall, followed by a cloud of smoke.

"Congratulations, babe. I'm so happy for you," Meera throws her arms around you.

"Jeno said people can hear us out there," Rina reads the text he sent, "But who cares cause my baby is finally boo'd up!" she grabs your face and kisses your cheek.

"Okay, guys, I just needed to get out there before I literally passed out but I'm good now so we should get back out there," you say.

"Anyone want a hit before we go?" Kali takes her cart out of her bag.

"Don't mind if I do," Rina takes the pen.

"Where'd this come from?" you ask before taking a hit.

"…Chenle gave it to me," Kali answers.

"And the pieces fall into place," Meera mumbles.

"What??" Everyone snaps their attention to her.

Meera brushes it off, "Nothing."

. . .

You made sure you didn't get too high, considering you're still out in public at a somewhat formal event. You returned to Jaemin and stayed by his side the rest of the night, your hand in his.

As you all exit the gallery and fill out into the parking lot, Jaemin asks, "Can I drive you home?"

"Yeah," you nod and start walking to Jaemin's car.

"Hey! You two, we have an early morning tomorrow, so you better-" Eunji yells after you.

"He's only driving me home!" you yell back.

As he drives, Jaemin rests his hand on your thigh, keeping the other steady on the wheel. You can't tell if he's doing it purposely or not, but with each soft squeeze or subtle inch he moves his hand up higher you bite your lip harder attempting to keep your composure. You can feel your insides quivering as you refrain from pressing your thighs together. You look over at him and already regret that decision with how fine he looks in the light of each passing streetlamp.

Stopping at a red light, Jaemin turns his head to see you already looking at him. He softly smiles at you and takes your hand from your lap, interlacing his fingers with yours. He kisses the back of your hand, keeping his hand in yours as the light turns green.

Jaemin reaches your street and parks a few houses down from yours.

"Thank you for coming tonight," Jaemin says.

"Baby, you know I wouldn't have missed this for anything," you say before kissing him. "Too bad you can't come up. Eunji's making us clean the whole house before the trip."

"And I'm driving tomorrow, so I really should go home and get some sleep," Jaemin says but makes no move to leave you.

You kiss him and unbuckle your seatbelt. But before you can exit the car, Jaemin locks the door.

You laugh, "Jaemin."

"Don't go just yet."

"Okay."

He leans over the console and grabs the back of your neck, crashing his lips into yours.

Jaemin lowly curses, pulling away from your lips, "Guess if I can't bring you home with me, I'll just have to take you in here," he licks his lips, "Get in the backseat."

"Unlock the door," you tell him.

He unlocks the doors, and you exit the passenger's seat. Jaemin comes around to your side of the car and grabs your waist before you get into the back.

"Wait, let me look at you for a minute," he practically undresses you with his eyes, "Really regretting not following you into the bathroom instead. Would've loved the chance to fuck you in this dress tonight. Goddamn," Jaemin rasped, and you could feel yourself getting wetter with each of his words, "And Rina made this?"

You nod, smoothing out the dress, "Perfection, ain't it," you sway.

"You certainly are," Jaemin kisses you, "Remind me to thank Rina," he kisses your neck, "And possibly apologize for when the day comes and I tear this thing off you," he firmly grabs your ass, "Too bad it can't be today," he pouts.

Jaemin follows you into the backseat of his car, closing the door behind him. You push his jacket off his shoulders, tossing it to the front seat to keep it out of the way.

Jaemin cradles the back of your head as you lean against the window, keeping you from hitting it as you're too distracted with kissing him. You wrap your arms around his neck while sucking his bottom lip into your mouth. He pulls away, and you tug on his lip with your teeth lightly before letting go.

"Allow me the pleasure of making you cum at least once tonight," Jaemin says, rubbing his hand up and down your bare thigh.

You all but moan at his words. Nodding, you say, "Please, Jaemin."

Eager with anticipation, you watch Jaemin's hand slowly glide up your inner thigh, gently guiding your legs apart. His hand disappears beneath your dress, inching closer to where you desperately need him.

Jaemin inquisitively hums when his fingers brush your slick-covered folds, making you shudder.

"No panties, angel?" Jaemin asks.

"The lines would've ruined the dress," you say, trying to keep your hips from chasing after his hand.

Jaemin groans, clenching his jaw, "I really should have fucked you in that bathroom," he says. As he feels your slick dripping onto his hand, Jaemin continues to egg you on with his words, "Would have bent you over that countertop, fucked you from behind. Make you look at your pretty face while I ruin your pretty little pussy."

You let out a pathetic whimper as your legs shut with Jaemin's hand still between them, using the pressure of his fingers against your clit to provide yourself with some sort of relief.

"Oh, you really would have enjoyed that, wouldn't you?" Jaemin smiles, pulling your legs apart. "If only all those people knew my pretty angel was such a slut," he says, sliding a finger into you.

You moan, throwing your head back, and Jaemin's lips attack your neck. He sinks his teeth into the sweet spot below your ear, and you arch into his touch, grabbing his hair.

Kissing his way back up your throat, Jaemin studies your face as your expression twists with pleasure.

"This is definitely a sight I can't get tired of," Jaemin kisses your jaw. "My baby taking my fingers so well," he adds a second before adding a third.

"Jaemin—fuck, please don't stop," You bury your face into Jaemin's neck as you grind your hips against his hand.

"I would never, bunny," Jaemin quickens the pace of his fingers while keeping your clit stimulated with his thumb. You reach for Jaemin's wrist to ground yourself and can feel the muscles flexing in his forearm as he feverishly finger fucked you.

"Please-oh my god, I'm so close," you gasp.

"Yeah, baby? Cum for Nana."

You cum with a cry of curses, and your entire body feels white hot. Jaemin continues to finger you, and you can hear the obscene squelching of his fingers pumping into your sopping pussy as you cum on his hand. You start to toe to the border of overstimulation as your body shakes, and you push Jaemin's hand away from your pussy.

"Okay, it's okay, angel," he says, snaking his arm around your waist and pulling you fully into his lap. You keep your head buried in his neck, securely curling your arms around him. Jaemin hugs you tightly, softly rubbing his hand up and down your back.

You finally lift your head and rest your forehead against his.

"You okay, baby?" he nudges your nose with his.

"Yeah," you smile. You grab Jaemin's jaw and kiss him passionately. "But I should probably get going before Eunji sends out an APB for me," you joke.

"I know," Jaemin laughs, "I'll walk you to the door."

He holds your hand the entire five-second walk to your front door.

"Goodnight, Jaemin," you kiss him.

"Goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow," he kisses you one last time before heading back to his car. "You're also riding with me, by the way, if that wasn't clear already," he points at you.

"I didn't think you'd have it any other way."

"Goodnight, angel," Jaemin winks as you turn your key in the door.

You're met with Rina and Eunji in the living room, sorting their freshly cleaned clothes as they pack their bags.

"Did you two get lost or end up taking the long way home?" Rina asks.

"Jaem must've missed the exit," you say.

"You left before us," Eunji narrowed her eyes.

"Must've missed a few exits," you shrug, "Jaemin loves the dress by the way," you say as you head to your room.

"I knew he would," Rina grins.

[8:12 AM] FRIDAY

Having been awake for the past hour and a half, courtesy of your beloved roommate, you, Rina, and Eunji are running on schedule for once and had all your things downstairs, waiting for Jaemin, Haechan, and Chenle to arrive with the rest of your friends. But with it being so early and having to wait for everyone else to get picked up before you three do, you end up falling asleep on the couch, vowing to only close your eyes for a few seconds.

30 minutes later, you wake up to the sound of a car horn honking outside before Rina has the chance to let you know herself that everyone's outside.

You grumble, rising from your nap, "That better not be-"

"You already know it is," Rina says as you follow her outside with your things to greet your friends.

"Hyuck, unless you've mastered how to drive with only one hand, I suggest you take that one off the horn before you lose it," you say, annoyed as you roll your suitcase towards Jaemin's car

The Gemini sticks his tongue out at you, and you flip him off.

"Come on, baby, play nice," Jaemin says, picking up your things and packing them into his trunk.

"It's too early in the morning for his shit," you scoff.

Jaemin's able to remove to scowl from your face with a kiss to your lips before you're startled by another car honk.

"Sorry, hand slipped," Haechan smiles as you narrow your eyes.

"Jesus, Rina, what the hell do you have in here? We're only staying for five days, not three weeks," Jeno says as he carries her bag to the back of Jaemin's car.

"Not even that much. You know, the essentials; clothes, toiletries, makeup, my rolling tray, my bong-" Rina starts listing off before Kali interrupts.

"Wait, where's Eunji?" Kali asks, sticking her head out of Chenle's car.

That is a great question.

"Why do things with us always have to be like herding sheep," Renjun shakes his head, slumping against Haechan's car.

He's right. It's like a class field trip, even with only the fourteen of you, always bound to lose track of at least one person.

Just as Meera starts taking a head count, Eunji reappears with a coffee in hand.

"Are we waiting for something?" Eunji asks.

"Yeah, you," Yangyang says.

"Well, I'm here now. We can go," Eunji smiles once Jisung helps pack her duffel into Chenle's car.

"Let's make sure we have everyone first."

After you count the five heads in Chenle's car, four in Haechan's, and the last five, including yourself, in Jaemin's, you climb into Jaemin's passenger seat.

"Hey, I thought you said I could have shotgun," Jeno says.

"I said you could have shotgun on the way over here. I already promised it's hers for the next few hours," Jaemin tells his best friend.

"Sorry. Girlfriend rules," you tease Jeno with a wink.

"Girlfriend rules," Jaemin shrugs.

Jeno shakes his head with a laugh and closes your door before getting into the car next to Rina in the seat behind you. In the furthest backseat, Eunseong finally wakes up when Jeno slams his door a little too hard.

"We there yet?" Eunseong groggily asks.

"We're just about to leave now, babe," Rina looks over her shoulder at Eunseong.

She nods and lies back down, "Wake me when we get there," she quickly falls back asleep.

[1:52 PM]

Chenle takes out the keys to his uncle's lakehouse and enters, all of you following in behind him.

"We've already agreed that the drivers get their own rooms. But the rest of you guys have the other five to choose from-" Before Chenle can finish, Rina grabs your hand and pulls you up the stairs to look for a room. "The biggest one is mine!" Chenle yells after you two.

You trail behind Rina as she looks through each room you pass before finding one with a good view of the water.

"This one is definitely ours!"

Rina was quick to stake her claim on this room, unpacking her things as soon as she decided.

A knock from the other side of the door, followed by your name, catches both of your attention.

"I wasn't sure where you wanted me to bring your bags, so I'm just gonna leave them out here, okay?" Jaemin says.

"Okay, thank you!" you yell back to him.

"Oh, shit, I totally forgot about you and Jaemin," Rina says.

"I already agreed to room with you, it's fine," you tell her.

"But that was before he was your boyfriend," she says with a smile, "So it's fine, go stay in his room and leave me here all by my lonesome," she dramatically sighed.

"Shut up, Rin, I'll stay if you really want me to," you say, and she victoriously hugs you, "But I can't promise I'll be actually sleeping in here much," you tell her honestly.

"That's fair."

As everyone else claimed their rooms and began unpacking their things, you wandered around the house looking for Jaemin. You reached a room a few doors down from yours, which was slightly open, and peered your head in.

"Jaemin?" you call out to him.

"Mhm?" you hear him respond.

You enter the room and find him lying on the bed with his eyes closed. You quietly tiptoe over to him and gently climb onto the bed.

"Tired, baby?" you ask.

"Just a little. Nothing a quick nap can fix," Jaemin says.

"Do you want me to go?"

"Now, why would I want that," he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. "Did you come to apologize for leaving me for Rina?"

You whine, burying your head in his chest, "Oh my god, don't you do this to me too. I already feel bad enough as it is."

"I'm just kidding, baby," Jaemin rubs your arm, "It's fine, seriously."

"Well, Rina's fine with compromising and giving me up for a few nights if you'd still have me."

"I'd take you any and every way I possibly could," he says suggestively.

"I thought you were tired," you say.

"Mhmm…" Jaemin rolls over, lying on top of you, "I'm confident enough in my abilities to make you cum at least once without exerting too much of my energy."

"I'd like to see you try."

[9:20 PM]

"Hey, Ji, where'd you put that bottle of pink whitney?" Eunseong asks.

Jisung wordlessly moves across the kitchen to the cabinets and reaches to the highest shelf to grab the bottle.

"You little shit..." Eunseong narrows her eyes

"It was Renjun who said to keep it as far away from you as possible," Jisung says.

"That bitch!" she snatches the bottle from Jisung before searching for Renjun.

You grab your drink and follow everyone else back outside. Stepping out onto the porch, you find Jaemin right where you left him with Rina, Yangyang, and Ningning.

"Is that what I think it is?" you ask, inserting yourself into the conversation as you sit on Jaemin's lap.

"If you're thinking tabs of LSD, then yes, it is," Yangyang holds up the baggie of illicit substances.

Jaemin smiles adoringly, watching your eyes widen.

You gasp, "I'm not gonna lie, I've always wanted to try them."

"You wanna trip with me?" Ningning asks, excited.

"Tonight?"

Before anyone can answer you, Kali and Eunji drunkenly run out of the house; Eunji with the bottle of alcohol in her hand.

"Nah, tomorrow night. I think some of us have already reached our limit," Yangyang says with a laugh, watching the girls stumble over their own feet as they neared the shoreline.

"Oh god, what are those two doing?" you ask, concerned for your friends.

"You guys broke out the pink whitney without me!?" Rina exclaims, standing from her seat and following them toward the bonfire, bringing Ningning in the process before Yangyang trails behind as well.

Being left alone, Jaemin takes this as an opportunity. He brings your attention to him, softly bouncing his leg beneath you.

You smile, turning to him before you lean in and kiss his lips, cupping his face. You taste the smoke still on his tongue mixed with the bitterness of the beer he's been drinking. Jaemin slides his hand on your lower back down to grab your ass, making you moan into his mouth. You feel Jaemin's other hand on your leg slip beneath your skirt, firmly gripping your upper thigh.

But before things can escalate even further, Eunseong runs out of the house. Spotting the two of you away from everyone else, she nudges you before slurring, "You two better get your pretty asses up and join us."

"For what?" you ask.

"Skinny dipping!" Eunseong sprints towards the lake.

Watching your friends leave trails of clothes along the shoreline and hearing them laugh and splash around leads you to stand from Jaemin's lap and step off the porch. You turn back to him before pulling your shirt off, revealing your bra.

"You coming, Nana?" you smirk teasingly.

Jaemin rises from his seat, stalking after you as he takes off his shirt. Once he starts following you, you continue to strip, leading him toward the water where the rest of your friends are.

[11:16 AM] SATURDAY

Jaemin watches as your chest rises and falls slowly with each gentle breath you take. His eyes scan the rest of your body, suddenly finding it hard to resist his urges.

The first time the topic came up, Jaemin wasn't sure if you were serious. But when Jaemin brought it up again a few days later, you confirmed the truth with him.

"Would you actually be into being fucked awake?" Jaemin asked.

You looked up from your phone and then around the room, not knowing where this was coming from.

"Yeah…" you answered, "I've obviously never tried it but I don't know, the thought alone kinda excites me," you told Jaemin, "Why?"

"I mean, if you ever do wanna try-"

"Yes," you didn't even let him finish.

Jaemin laughed, putting his arm around you, "Okay, princess, I'll keep it in mind."

Still asleep, you kick the covers off you and move into a more comfortable position as you hug Jaemin's pillow closer to you. The innocent thoughts of how adorable you look were quickly interrupted by sinful ones as a shirt you stole out of Jaemin's suitcase rose up your hips, uncovering your bare lower half.

After your late night swim, the two of you jumped into the shower together before heading to bed, and you had only threw on one of Jaemin's shirts to go to sleep, not feeling the necessity to cover much more of yourself.

As Jaemin rises from the chair to near the bed, your words replay in his head. Just as he's about to climb onto the mattress, he freezes when you roll onto your back, still asleep.

Perfect.

Jaemin gently parts your legs even wider to make space for himself between them. He slowly kisses his way up your thighs, carefully placing your legs over his shoulders so he doesn't wake you yet. Jaemin smiles to himself, seeing your folds already glistening with the morning sunlight entering through the window.

Jaemin uses two of his fingers to part your folds and gives an experimental lick to your clit. Flitting his eyes back up to your face and seeing your eyes still closed, Jaemin resumes, flattening his tongue against your slit, He softly sucks your clit into his mouth, and your breathing becomes shallow. Your thigh twitches, and Jaemin rubs your leg as he teases your hole with the tip of his tongue. Tasting your essence on his buds leads Jaemin to slide his tongue inside you.

Your hips start subtly moving against his face, but he can tell you're not awake yet with how relatively quiet and motionless you still are.

"Nana," you murmur. Oh, so you definitely are dreaming about him. "Please," you whisper.

Jaemin circles his arms around your thighs, pulling you closer to his face, pushing his tongue deeper inside you, wiggling the muscle against your velvety walls. Your back arches, and you start to squirm.

He doesn't care about not waking you anymore, already feeling the way your pussy gushes around his tongue.

Your eyes finally flutter open, and it registers that Jaemin really has his head between your thighs, and you're really waking up to him eating you out right now. You almost cum from the sight alone.

"Oh my god, Jaemin," you throw your head back.

Jaemin moans into your pussy, the vibrations from his mouth sending shocks of electricity up your spine, and your hand flies to his hair, roughly tugging at his roots.

Your legs became restless, yearning desperately to cum on Jaemin's tongue. He pushed your knees to your chest, digging his fingers into the soft plush of your thighs.

"Please, Nana, m'so close," you mewl.

"Cum for me, bunny," Jaemin mumbles against your folds before delving his tongue back in.

Jaemin holds your legs as they start shaking, unable to hold yourself together any longer as your orgasm hits you.

Your hips thrashed against Jaemin's mouth, dragging out the high of cumming on his tongue as long as you could before oversensitivity took over you.

"Holy fuck, Jaemin," you huff, trying to catch your breath.

"Best way to wake you, huh," Jaemin kisses your lips.

"Definitely was," you nod.

[7:09 PM]

After getting ready in your partially shared room with Rina, you both head downstairs, along with Eunji. Jaemin welcomely invites you into his space when you sit next to him, and he snakes his arm around you.

"Are we all taking some?" Renjun asks.

"No, not everyone wants to, but even if they did, I don't think we'd have enough anyway," Yangyang answers.

"How much is this supposed to be?" you ask, taking a tab.

"Less than 15 mcg. Just a microdose," Kali answers.

"I'm surprised you're sitting this one out. Thought you'd be the first one to want to try acid," Meera says.

"I'm fine being a trip sitter this time. I've already tried it," Kali says.

"When??" Ningning asks.

"Few weeks ago, me, Yangyang, and Lele had our first trip."

"Lele," you and Meera gave each other a look.

"Don't start," Kali scolds the both of you.

"Are you ready?" Jaemin asks, holding his finger up with the tab.

"Yeah," you excitedly smile.

You both place the tab under your tongue and let it dissolve, everyone else doing the same shortly after.

"Okay, now what?" Eunji asks.

"We wait."

. . .

"Are you okay?" Rina asks you.

You aren't sure exactly when it started to hit, but since you had just been staring at the pattern of Jisung's hoodie because the lines started shifting and warping, you know it's starting to take effect.

You snap out of your daze and bring your focus to Rina, returning to reality with a giggle.

"Yeah, I'm great," you nod, taking a sip of water.

"Yeah?"

"I promise, Rina," you pull her in for a hug, "You know I love you, though, right."

"Of course, and I love your crazy ass just as much," she leaves a smooch on your cheek.

Jaemin enters the kitchen finding you and Rina having your moment in the corner. "Everything okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," you answer, "Are you?" you break the hug, suddenly concerned about him.

"Yeah," Jaemin softly smiles before pulling you into him, "I was just missing you."

"Aww," you gush, kissing his cheek.

"Alright and I'll take that as my cue," Rina reassuringly squeezes your hand before heading back into the living room.

"How are you feeling?" Jaemin asks you.

"Good. I just feel so…good," you sway in Jaemin's arms, your body seemingly unable to stay still.

"Yeah, me too," he nods.

Jaemin wordlessly stares back at you with his dilated pupils as you study him entirely. You can't get your eyes to stay focused on one thing. From the locks of hair flopping back over his forehead as Jaemin runs his hand through it, to the shade of pink his lips have turned as a result of him mindlessly tugging them between his teeth.

"You look really pretty, baby," he tells you.

"Do I not always?" you ask teasingly, leaning against the counter.

"You already know you do," Jaemin nods, "I just can't get over this skirt," he ghosts his fingertips up your bare skin before softly squeezing your thigh.

"Don't start unless you're gonna do something about it, Nana," you smirk suggestively, placing your hand on his chest.

Before Jaemin can respond, Eunseong finally figures out how to connect her phone to Chenle's sound system, and you hear music playing from the living room.

You gasp as the first beat drops, "We need to go, I love this song," you grab his hand and lead him back into the living room.

You couldn't possibly describe the way your body feels right now, with yourself pressed so close to Jaemin's right now as the music and lsd continue to course through your veins. During the transition to the next song, you turn to face Jaemin and wrap your arms around his neck.

You continue to dance in his arms as you subtly break away from the group, Jaemin pulling you aside.

"What?" you ask him.

"You were the one staring at me," Jaemin says.

"Cause you were doing it first," you retort.

"I like looking at you," he smiles.

A beat of silence passes between you two as you stare at your boyfriend. You can't seem to focus on only one feature of his face, "Jaemin."

"Yes, baby?"

"You're very pretty too," you tell him.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"And I really wanna kiss you."

"Right here in front of everyone, baby?" he asks jokingly.

"Who cares. It's not like it's anything they haven't seen before," you say.

Jaemin only keeps smiling as he cups your jaw and pulls you in for a kiss. It feels like a jolt of electricity surging through your body, Jaemin's lips on yours.

You moan into his mouth and curl your fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss. As Jaemin's tongue swipes the seam of your lips, he reaches his hand down to grab your ass, and you can already feel warmth pooling in your lower stomach.

"Hey, if you two are gonna start this take it somewhere else. We have children in the room!" Eunji says, covering Ningning's eyes as she giggles, peeking through Eunji's fingers.

"Don't gotta tell me twice," you intertwine your fingers with Jaemin's and make your way upstairs to his room.

You can still hear your friends' laughter and the music from downstairs as the door closes behind you. You moan around Jaemin's tongue when he pushes his knee between your legs, and you grind your hip against his thigh.

"Fuck," Jaemin rasps, "I wanna fuck you so bad."

"Nana," you whine.

He laughs, "What, angel? You know I need to hear you say it."

"I want you to fuck me. So bad, please, Jaem."

Jaemin hums, watching you crane your neck as he tilts your chin upward, "Gonna let me touch you?" he kisses your neck, "Taste you?" he glides his tongue over your skin, "Fuck you?" he says in your ear, leaving you completely soaked.

"Oh my god, please, Jaemin," you desperately drag your hips against his denim-clad leg.

"Love the way my pretty girl begs," Jaemin flexes his thigh to make you shudder, "Get on the bed for me, sweetheart," he tells you.

Jaemin watches you make your way over to the bed. You teasingly crawl sensually toward the pillows, purposefully swaying your hips, causing your skirt to rise up over your ass a bit.

You playfully yelp when you feel Jaemin grab your ankles and pull you back toward the edge of the bed. Jaemin pushes your skirt up to your hips and hooks his fingers in the band on your underwear, pulling them down your legs and tossing them to the floor.

You push your hips back toward him, silently begging him to do something. All the while, Jaemin's eyes were trained on your drooling pussy, leaking with arousal, yearning to be touched.

Jaemin's thumb runs up your slit collecting your juices on his finger before rubbing your clit. You whine, and it brings a smile to Jaemin's face. He teasingly circles your entrance with the tip of his middle finger before he slips the digit inside of you. Your arms no longer support your upper body, and you drop your head to the mattress, deepening your arch as you feel two of his fingers scissor against your velvety walls. Jaemin watches, entranced with the way your slick coats his fingers as your pussy sucks them in farther. He thinks he can stand here and play with you all night if you'd let him, but the more he hears your desperate pleas of his name, the more Jaemin's resolve weakens. He takes his hand away, and you frustratedly huff. But before you can complain any further, you feel Jaemin's tongue licking a fat stripe from your clit to your slit.

"Fuck, Jaemin," you grab onto the sheets to brace yourself.

His fingernails leave little crescent shape indentations on your skin as he firmly grips the plush of your ass. Jaemin traces the outline of your labia with his tongue before weaseling the wet muscle into your pussy. You push your hips back even further against his face, allowing Jaemin's tongue to reach deeper inside you than before.

You bite down on your forearm, needing to sink your teeth into something. You're unable to keep your body still, so deeply immersed in euphoria. Jaemin roughly brings one of his hands down on your ass, making you moan louder from the pleasurable pain before it fades away. He smirks against your skin, slapping your other cheek, and you cry Jaemin's name.

"Feeling good, sweetheart?" Jaemin asks, replacing his mouth with his hand to speak in your ear.

"Yes, Nana. You're making me feel so good," you arch your back against his chest as he curls his fingers inside you.

"That's what I love to hear. It's all I want; to make you feel good."

"You do, Jaem. Like no one else. You're too good to me," you roll your hips into his hand.

"Too good, mhm?" Jaemin kisses your jaw, "I'm only giving you what you deserve, princess. It's pathetic no one else has ever been capable enough to receive the pleasure of doing this to you—make you scream, make you cry, make you shake." he chuckles as he curls his fingers, massaging your sweet spot, "And they definitely never will now."

"Jaemin, please," you gasp, "I'm so close."

"Is that right? Gonna cum for me, pretty?" he asks, and you frantically nod.

He then drops to his knees and shoves his face back into your pussy.

So close, on the verge of tears, you claw at the sheets, your spine extending even further to move your hips as your grind against Jaemin's tongue. You can feel a mess of fluids slowly making its way down your inner thighs, but Jaemin couldn't care less about his saliva mixed with your juices, dripping down to his face. He spreads your lips and continues flicking his tongue against your clit.

"Fuck, right there," your eyes roll back.

Jaemin firmly wraps his hands around your thighs to hold you as still as possible as he makes you cum. Your toes curl, and you bury your face into the sheets, cumming on Jaemin's tongue.

You think you're going to sink into the mattress beneath. Your thighs shake and attempt to free out of Jaemin's hold once you begin to feel overstimulated. Jaemin leaves one last kiss on your clit before letting your body tiredly collapse onto the bed.

"Aww, come on, sweetheart," Jaemin rubs your thigh, "You're not tapping out on me already are you?"

"Fuck no," you hiccup, "Just catching my breath."

"Good. Cause I'm far from done with you," Jaemin says, joining you on the bed.

You straddle his lap while working to get his shirt off. You tug your lip between your teeth, letting your eyes ogle over his muscular form. Your thighs quiver just from thinking of the things you want him to do to you and the things you want to do to him.

"You're so hot, Jaem," you run a hand down his chest, "It drives me fucking insane."

"I can tell you the feeling's definitely mutual," He cups your ass.

You thread your fingers through the short pink hairs at the nape of his neck, pressing your lips to his passionately. Jaemin moans with a grin when you pull his hair, tugging his head back and giving yourself access to his neck. While you're marking up the side of his neck, you feel Jaemin's hands on your waist, fumbling with the zipper of your skirt.

Kicking off your skirt, you reposition yourself between his legs and leave a trail of kisses down his abdomen. Jaemin watches as you unbutton his jeans and slip your hand into his pants, grasping his cock in your hand. He groans when your squeeze the base before freeing him from his confines, dropping the rest of his clothes to the floor along with yours.

You begin slowly stroking his dick, smearing the beads of precum leaking from the tip along his length. Flickering your eyes up to his face, the corners of your lips turn up as you slide his cock into your mouth.

"Holy shit, sweetheart," Jaemin's lids flutter shut.

You hum, taking more of him into your mouth. Bobbing your head up and down, you twist your wrist, using your hand to cover the rest you can't fit in your mouth. You feel your spit pooling from the corners of your mouth and the fatigue in your jaw, but ignore it for the sake of feeling his dick grow heavier against your tongue.

You feel Jaemin's fingers tangle in your hair, pulling your head back. You release his cock from your mouth with a wet pop, letting it spring back against his lower stomach before standing at full attention. Jaemin pulls your top off you, dropping the last article of clothing between you to the floor.

You take your seat back in his lap while Jaemin's hand finds its way back between your thighs.

"You ready for me, bunny?" Jaemin asks, crooking two of his fingers against your gummy walls.

"God, yes please, Jaem. Need to feel you filling me up so bad," you curl your arms around his neck.

Jaemin hums before taking his fingers away and using your slick on his hand to pump his cock a few times. You lift yourself out of his lap to assist him in guiding his cockhead to your pussy.

Your jaw drops, silently moaning as you sink down onto his dick, letting him stretch you open.

"Oh my god."

"How's that, princess?"

"So good. M'feel so good…n'so full," you slur.

You raise your hips just to sink right back down, to be filled right back up to the hilt. You can't tell if it was the new position or the fact that you're still tripping, but regardless of what it was, you felt like you were on cloud nine.

"God, what a sight you are," Jaemin's hands roamed all over your body. He kneads your breast in his large hands, tweaking both your nipples between his fingers to get a reaction from you. You sharply moan and drag your hips against his.

"Fuck, Jaemin."

"What, baby?"

"Take me," you whisper against his lips.

Jaemin quickly gets you on your back, stroking deeper inside of you before kissing your lips. The kiss is soft and sweet, a great contrast to his next actions. Jaemin pulls out of you, leaving you empty before manhandling you onto your front and pulling your hips into the air. Always being told how much Jaemin loves seeing your face when he makes you cum, you wondered what changed his mind. But it isn't until you lift your head to be met with the sight of you and Jaemin on the bed in the mirror's reflection.

You smirk and lower your upper body to the mattress, arching your back even further to wiggle your ass toward Jaemin. Your eyes meet his in the reflection, and your excitement reaches its peak. Your body jolts forward as a moan slips from your lips when Jaemin smacks your ass before he fills you up again.

You try your hardest to keep your eyes on the mirror, seeing as Jaemin has not taken his eyes away, watching you completely falling apart.

"Nana, please," you bury your face into the sheets.

"You know I'll do anything for you. But you gotta keep your eyes on the mirror for me. Need my angel to see how pretty she is while I ruin her."

"Nana.."

"Can you do that for me?"

"Yes."

"Good girl," he slaps your ass.

Jaemin slides his cock almost all the way out, only leaving the tip before slamming back into you.

Jaemin pulls you back against his chest, and you try to keep your eyes open, feeling how much deeper his cock reaches at this angle. Jaemin slides his fingers into your mouth, and you moan around his digits before he takes them away to rub your clit.

You cry out for your boyfriend, reaching your arm behind and grabbing his hair. Your head rolls back against his shoulder, and your hips start moving in sync with Jaemin's, sinking down every time he raises them, allowing him to hit your sweet spot with precision.

"Please, Jaemin, please, please. Can I please cum?"

"Of course, bunny," he smiles, "Let me see your pretty face when you cum," he cups your jaw, turning your face forward to look at your reflection in the mirror.

The image in front of you is one you would never forget. Strands of Jaemin's rose-pink hair were darkened by the sweat that ran along his hairline. His muscles bulged from holding you up and working his fingers on your clit. Aside from that, you didn't think watching yourself get fucked would turn you on even more. But seeing how your body twitches in his arms, your thighs shaking, and your back arching away from his chest, you find yourself stumbling closer to the edge.

Jaemin watches as the smile stretches across your face, noticing how intently you're staring into the mirror.

"See how beautiful you are," he brings his hand to your neck to watch your eyes roll back, "Taking my cock like a good girl."

You bite your lip with a smile as your pussy flutters around Jaemin's dick.

"Yes, yes, m'your good girl, Nana,"

"Yes you are," he kisses your temple, "Now cum for me," he says in your ear.

With a few more deep thrusts and flicks on your sensitive nub, you cum, keeping your eyes locked with Jaemin in the mirror as you do. Jaemin's fingernails dig into your hips, trying his hardest not to cum just yet.

Your body falls forward, and Jaemin quickly slips his cock out of your pussy, starting to slowly stroke his length.

Once you catch your breath, you roll onto your back to see Jaemin touching himself. You wrap your hand around his dick, taking over for him, seductively looking up at him through your lashes.

"You really want more?" he asks.

"Of course. Especially if you're the one giving it to me."

Jaemin grabs your hips to readjust your body in a better position for the both of you. You direct his cock to your pussy, easily able to slide into you with assistance from your previous orgasms.

You grab the back of Jaemin's neck and kiss him as he bottoms out. You delightedly hum into his mouth, feeling him fill you up again.

"Fuck. You feel so good," Jaemin drops his forehead to yours.

"Please cum with me," you whisper against his lips. "Cum inside me."

Jaemin raises his head to look at you. "y/n," you know he's being earnest right now, but his tone really couldn't have turned you on even more. "Are you serious?" he asks.

"Yes," you nod. "Want you to fill me up so bad," you cup Jaemin's face.

Jaemin's cock twitches against your walls, and he groans, his eyes seemingly becoming impossibly darker. He grabs your jaw and crashes his lips into yours.

"You close, angel?"

"Yes."

"You gonna take it like a good girl."

"Yes! Please, Nana, please."

You choke on a moan as your body is hit by the wave of ecstasy. Your legs lock around Jaemin's waist, and he ruts into your heat, chasing his own release.

"Fuck," Jaemin rasps. His hips stutter, and warm ropes of his cum coat your walls.

You pull Jaemin closer and kiss his lips. The both of you struggle to catch your breath for a second, but once Jaemin's cock goes soft, a bit of clarity returns to the both of you.

"How are you?" Jaemin asks.

"So good. So fucking good," you nod at him.

He pulled out of you, and his cum immediately started leaking out of your pussy. You bite your lip to stifle a moan when Jaemin brings his hand to your cunt and spreads your lips apart to watch your pussy clench around nothing and force more of his cum to drip down to your puckered hole. Jaemin uses his fingers to swipe up the mess he helped create between your thighs and brings his cum coated digits to your lips. You eagerly took his fingers into your mouth, sucking off his cum mixed with yours. You moan when he takes his fingers away, leaving a string of spit connecting from your mouth to his hand.

"I'm so proud of you, baby. You did so good for me."

"I can't thank you enough, Jaemin, for everything."

"Oh, angel, come on-"

"I'm serious. You have given me so much, Jaemin. And I don't know how else to tell you I'm truly grateful for everything you've done for me."

"You make me indescribably happy, y/n. Genuinely, I cannot put into words how much you mean to me and how much I want to be yours."

"I thought it was made very clear when you became my boyfriend that you are very much mine. As I am yours."

Jaemin smiles and your heart flutters. Cupping his face you kiss him again, holding him close as if he would just fade away if you didn't.

But as much as you don't want to, you pull away from him.

"I'll be right back," you say against his lips.

Jaemin whines, "Don't leave me."

"I'm gonna be right back, love. Just let me go to the bathroom."

"Fine," Jaemin kisses his teeth.

Flickering in the bathroom light, you gasp, seeing your reflection. Now being in good lighting, you can see how badly your makeup has been ruined—what was left of it at least. Mascara and eyeshadow smudged around your eyes, your blush completely gone, and splotches of your lipgloss in places all other than your lips.

When you come back out of the bathroom, Jaemin watches you move around the room, quickly redressing yourself in the first clothes you can find.

"What are you doing?" Jaemin asks as you slip your underwear back on.

"I'm tired of all this back and forth. I'm getting my shit from Rina's," you say, throwing on Jaemin's shirt.

"Fine, but don't take too long."

"Don't tell me what to do," you playfully wink at Jaemin as you leave the room.

You hadn't had the chance to check your phone, having lost track of it just as you had lost track of time. But you think it's late enough that Rina had gone to bed since you found her door closed.

You softly knock before turning the handle.

"Rina, you sleeping? I'm just taking my shit to Jaemin's-" You're cut off when the door pushes back and slams on you.

Your jaw drops as you hear voices behind the door.

"Now, I know damn well-"

"Hey, what's up?" Rina partially opens the door, slightly out of breath.

"Everything okay?" you ask her.

"Yeah. Are you okay? Do you need anything?" she asks.

"I'm fine. I just wanna bring my things to Jaemin's room."

"Oh, okay," she widens the door, moving aside to let you in.

You suspiciously eye her as you walk into the room and start collecting your things.

"Were you watching something?" you ask, seeing her laptop open on the bed with snacks scattered around.

"Yeah, just put something on to go to sleep."

Being your usual nosy self, you peer at the screen, "Jujutsu Kaisen 0, huh? Jeno put you on?"

"Yeah, he was telling me all about it the car ride up here. Thought I'd check it out."

"Mhm," you nod. Then your eyes land on a shirt that was peeking out from under the bed. "This is Jaemin's," you pick it up.

"You must've left it when you were changing earlier," Rina says.

You shake your head, "I would remember if it was this one, cause it's one of my favorites. But I haven't been able to find it because his best friend, Jeno Lee, has been holding it hostage." you say before eyeing the closet.

Rina attempts to keep you from opening it but you were faster than she was.

"Hi, Jen," you smile, opening the closet.

"Hi, y/n," Jeno apologetically smiles.

"You mind just passing me that," you point to your suitcase by his feet, "Then I'll let you two get back to...your movie." Gathering everything you could carry you head out of the room. "Goodnight, you two. And uh if you need it, Meera has a huge ass box of condoms, pretty sure she'd spare a few for you."

"Get out!" Rina rushes you out.

Just as you get out to the hallway, you meet Kali, coming from the direction of a room that is not hers.

"Uh oh," Kali freezes.

"Isn't your room—And Chenle's room…What the fuck is in the water?" you question aloud.

"Please don't say anyth-"

"For tonight, I won't. But if you're up here and those two are—who's trip sitting the others?"

"I left Meera and Hyuck in their room watching some documentary but Jisung and Eunseong are still down there with Eunji Yangyang, Renjun, and Ningning."

"Oh okay. Well I got my own man to get back to so you enjoy the rest of your night wherever that may be But tomorrow we are definitely debriefing," you pointedly tell Kali before heading back to Jaemin.

You return to your room and immediately start telling Jaemin about what happened.

"Babe, you will not believe what just happened," you say, entering. But before you can continue, you find Jaemin half-dressed at the desk, with his rolling tray out, "Na Jaemin, what do you think you're doing?" you ask, placing your hand on your hip.

"God, you sound so sexy saying my name all authoritative and shit," Jaemin says, turning to you as he wets the ends of the papers with his tongue, "What?" he throws up his hands innocently, "A little post-sex spliff with my baby ain't gonna hurt no one."

[3:37 PM] SUNDAY

"What time did you guys end up sleeping?" you ask Meera as you head over to your seat at the dining table, only to have Jaemin pull you down into his lap instead.

"Around 9 this morning," Meera answers.

"Anyone know where Eunji and Yangyang are?" Rina asks, taking a seat.

"They're still asleep on the couch. Eunseong said they didn't start to come down until a few hours ago," Haechan answers, "When did you guys finally crash?" he asks you and Jaemin.

"Sometime after 10 this morning. I could still feel the buzz but my body was fucking exhausted," you say, and Jaemin laughs beside you before you elbow him in the ribs.

"I wonder why," Haechan snickers.

"I'll tell you, Donghyuck," you start, "Because I spent hours wth my boyfriend in his room fucking until the sun came up."

"At the table?? Really?" Rina raises her brows.

"He wanted to know why. Do you wanna tell him why going back to your room wasn't even an option?" you ask Rina.

Briefly disregarding your last comment, Haechan's still hanging onto what you had already said, "Wha-How did we all just move past what you just said," he asks, "You two are-He's your-She's your-

"Just spit it out, dude. Cause yeah, she's my girlfriend."

"Wow. Things are moving along a lot faster than I expected," Haechan says to Meera.

"Okay, what the fuck do you two keep going on about with that?" Rina points at the couple.

"Nothing. It's just we kinda have a little bet on who else in the group would get together and how long it would take them." Meera says.

"And?" Jaemin asks.

"I at least expected you to be single longer than Jeno," Haechan says.

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that for much longer," you say, smirking at Rina from across the table.

"Oh my god," Rina throws her head into her hands, "Was I really this annoying with you?"

"No," you smile, "Which is why I'm going to be so much worse."

a/n: i honestly wasn’t planning on writing a second part which is probably why it took so long but i seriously wanna thank y’all who waited patiently 🫶🏽🫶🏽 thank you for reading. feedback is appreciated <33

tagged <33: @youryuno @aliceinwhateverland @scarletsknight @thethreekims @its-not-sof-recs

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thevampiremarie · 1 year ago

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I keep seeing people who discuss the fall of the house of usher refer to Morella Usher as a cheater/say that she cheated. This disconcerts me for the below reasons:

1. She didn’t cheat. Going to a party doesn’t mean you’re a cheater. Taking off your wedding ring also doesn’t mean you’re a cheater. This is quite literally the most textbook domestic abuser rhetoric, which is likely why that plot line was picked for Morella. Almost (if not all) DV cases I know of involved allegations of cheating that the abuser made about their victim as a justification for abuse, making any small gesture that might take their victim out of their control into a situation that is cheating, therefore giving them the right to beat their spouses. By getting on board with this premise from Freddie that Morella cheated, despite her not doing it and him only having circumstantial proof, y’all are unwittingly (or not) agreeing w this.

2. Even IF Morella had cheated (which she didn’t), she does not deserve to be tortured for it. I know that this is a hot take but I do not believe cheating is a crime that someone should be tried for in a court of law and then physically harmed. It’s cheating on your spouse, not being a serial killer.

3. Verna herself made it clear that what Fredrick did to Morella was inhumane and even unexpected on Verna’s part: “but then you had to take her home.” Implies that while Verna was watching, the decision to abuse his vulnerable and isolated wife in the most painful state anyone could live with, was all his.

4. Stop throwing Fredrick Usher a pity party for being “nice” in the earlier episodes. Seriously. It is another CLASSIC rebuttal to domestic violence to say stuff like “he could never hit his wife, he loves her too much,” or, “he’s too stupid/naive to have done things like that without Verna pushing him”, etc. And that’s exactly what abusers want you to think about them. It’s sort of genius to open with that because it makes the audience go along with those journey where we slowly realize our first assumptions about Fredrick were very very very wrong.

#fredrick usher #the fall of the house of usher #tfothou #morella usher #lenore usher

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supernovafics · 2 years ago

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𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃'𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 4.8k words

summary: in which a mutual wingman situation forces two strangers to talk to one another. both you and steve are only doing it to help your friends, but it surprises you how effortless talking to him is. simply the idea of love or even deeply liking someone has always made you nervous and scared, and would usually lead you to running away rather than facing your feelings. but, maybe it’s this unfamiliar comfort you find yourself quickly having with steve that can make you finally want to do the opposite of run and actually dive headfirst into what you’re feeling

warnings: explicit language, some drinking, a lil fluff, kissing, implied smut, overall just a fun time

author’s note: first time in a while writing something that is not full of angst and sadness lmao anyway hope y’all enjoy this!<333

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Steve’s POV

He looked at you from across the bar where you were talking and laughing with your friend. He wasn’t sure what he would say to you. There was something about you that seemed too good for him; the little black dress you were wearing with a slightly oversized jacket on top and the sweet smile on your lips as you animatedly talked to your friend.

It made him not want to say anything to you because it felt like a rejection would be in his imminent future. However, Robin had other plans.

“She’s so cute,” She said but was referring to your friend. “You have to wingman for me and talk to her friend while I talk to her, Harrington.” When she noticed Steve’s hesitance, she continued. “What are best friends for, if not helping the other one get laid?”

He rolled his eyes at that and didn’t say anything.

Robin nudged him lightly. “Also, I’m pretty sure the friend is straight and she’s really cute too, so maybe you’ll have a chance.”

Finally, Steve said something. “Exactly. She’s so hot and I can already see myself fucking up under the pressure.” He took another quick glance in your direction.

Robin gave him a soft pat on the shoulder. “I take back everything I ever said about your lack of charm. Those days at Scoops are far behind us. You’re the best flirt I know.”

Steve was quick to take notice of the grimace she was trying to hide behind her forced smile. “Did it actually pain you to say that?”

“A little bit, yeah,” She said with a small laugh. “But, anyway, let’s get another drink, and then we’ll go over there and you’ll be fine. I pro– Wait, shit, shit. They’re walking over here. Toward us.”

Before Robin could narrate any further, you went up to Steve while your friend pulled Robin in for a conversation.

You pointed at him. “I almost wore that tonight.”

Even though he knew you were joking, he still glanced down at the jeans and navy blue t-shirt he was wearing over a dark denim jacket. “Good thing you didn’t. One of us would’ve had to leave.”

“Exactly,” You said with a nod. “And that probably would’ve been so awkward for you.”

“Why would I be the one to leave?”

You shrugged. “I mean I think it would be the obvious choice.”

“I think I’m a very valuable asset to have here,” He said. “But, I’m also a gentleman, so I would have left, no questions asked.”

“Very, very honorable of you,” You said and then took a sip from the drink in your hand. Steve could see you trying to hide your smile. All too quickly his nerves from before managed to slip away.

He nodded his head toward the glass in your hand. “What are you drinking?”

“Vodka cranberry,” You answered before taking another quick sip. “Absolutely horrific but it usually does the job.” You then took notice of the drink in his hand. “Definitely not as horrific as that beer, though.”

“Hey, you can’t go wrong with a simple beer,” He said, pretending to be much more offended by your statement than he actually was.

“I think it is very wrong, actually,” You told him. “But, I’m a sweet and nice person, so I won’t judge you any further, even though there is a lot more I could say about that beer.”

Steve smiled at that. “Very honorable of you.”

A brief lull of silence prevailed for a moment and Steve almost decided to randomly mention how he actually never had a vodka cranberry before, but you started speaking before he could.

“Okay, full transparency, my friend is interested in your friend, and I’m just trying to be a good friend and wingwoman for her by talking to you.”

Steve laughed a bit. “I was tasked with doing the same thing, actually.”

“Wow,” You responded with a small laugh of your own. “They’re both interested in each other, so I guess our jobs are already done.”

A small smirk played on Steve’s lips. “Shall we get beers to celebrate a job well done?”

After inwardly cringing at the thought of drinking a beer, you couldn’t help but laugh loudly at Steve’s offer. “You’re the worst.”

“You want another vodka cranberry instead?”

“I will happily take that.”

He signaled the bartender and ordered the simple drink. As the two of you waited, he turned to look at you.

“I’m Steve, by the way,” He said and then pointed in the direction of where Robin and your friend were now happily talking to one another about ten feet away. “And that’s Robin.”

“Y/N,” You said and then gestured toward your friend. “And Marissa.”

The bartender slid you your drink and you smiled in thanks before grabbing it.

“Are you from Indianapolis?” Steve asked.

“No, I moved here from Illinois for a job about a year ago,” You answered and then took another sip from the glass in your hand. “And to be closer to my boyfriend too.”

Steve pretended that he was unfazed by your casual mention of having a boyfriend, even though he was very much fazed by it. He came to the quick conclusion that the playful banter you two shared was just that, playful banter. There actually weren’t any flirty undertones to it, although he could’ve sworn they were right there.

“What’s your job?” He asked, even though he wanted to say, “So, tell me more about your boyfriend” because he now wanted to torture himself and hear more about the guy.

“It’s in marketing. Specifically, working on pitches and ads for different clothing brands.”

“Was that–” Before he could finish asking if that’s what you always wanted to do, Marissa was suddenly in front of the two of you and grabbing your hand.

“So sorry to interrupt, I’m just gonna steal her for a quick second.”

Y/N’s POV

You were pulled to a different part of the bar, maybe only fifteen feet away from Steve, and you could see him and Robin now talking.

“Everything’s going great and she’s so cool and funny,” Marissa told you, a wide smile on her face as she spoke. You hadn’t seen her this giddy about someone in a while, so you felt really happy for her and couldn’t help but smile back. “We wanna go to the roller rink down the street that closes at two. Since we both suck at skating we thought it could be funny to do it together.”

“Okay, that’s great and kind of disgustingly cute,” You responded, still smiling because there was something about Marissa’s happiness that felt contagious. “So, now that my work here is done, I’m just gonna head back to the apartment. Car keys, please?”

“No.”

“What? I promise I’m so sober right now that it’s actually kind of sad,” You assured her. “I only had one full drink and barely a few sips of the other.”

“No, I mean you have to come too just in case something weird happens or I say something stupid and fuck things up and need to get out of there easily,” She explained, and due to her overthinker personality, you could actually understand that reasoning. “Plus she’s gonna make her friend come too, and you guys seemed like you were actually having a good time talking. Maybe it can turn into something a little less friendly, like, hopefully, me and Robin?”

“That might be a little impossible because I already lied and told him I had a boyfriend.”

“Why did you say that?” She asked and you were at a loss for words after hearing her question, because you actually weren’t entirely sure why you lied. You were quiet for too long, which made Marissa follow up with another question. “Oh, is he weird?”

“No, no,” You responded almost immediately. In fact, Steve was pretty much the opposite of weird, he was actually kind of funny and nice. And the almost effortless banter you two managed to share slightly surprised you. “I don’t know why I said it, it was just like a reflex.”

“We gotta talk about this self-sabotage thing you do soon,” She said, and it was in honest moments like that where you were read like a book, that you didn’t like that you’d known your best friend for almost your entire life and that she was currently getting her Masters in Psychology. “Actually, in one of my classes–”

“Nope, nope, nope,” You were quick to interrupt her. “I love you, but I’d rather not be psychoanalyzed tonight.”

“We’ll table that conversation for an early Sunday morning talk over coffee,” Marissa told you, and before you could protest that idea, she continued. “But, anyway, so you’re coming to the roller rink, right?”

After taking a quick glance over at where Steve and Robin were talking to one another, you nodded your head. “Yes, but this feels slightly like a hostage situation.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

You and Steve trailed a bit behind Robin and Marissa as you all walked down the street to the skating rink. It wasn’t that cold out, but you could still feel some goosebumps rising on your bare legs.

“Okay, scale from zero to ten,” You started and looked at Steve. “How good are your roller skating skills?”

“I’d say a solid nine. I can’t do any crazy tricks or whatever, but I never fall,” He answered. “You?”

“I’m definitely a two or three. I somehow fall way too easily,” You told him. “So to save myself from a shit ton of embarrassment, I’m not gonna skate tonight. But, I will cheer you all on from the sidelines.”

Steve shook his head at your words. “Since we’re both the extra wheels in this equation we gotta stick together, so I won’t skate either. It’ll be entertaining watching them fumble around, though. Robin’s probably one of the clumsiest people I know. Is Marissa good?”

“She’s just as bad as me,” You answered and then smiled. “So, yes, this will be very entertaining to watch.”

The two of you were sitting on a bench, watching Marissa and Robin hold hands and go around and around the wooden rink. You and Steve couldn’t help but laugh every time one of them stumbled and grabbed onto the other to regain balance or when they both simultaneously stumbled and then fell completely. But it felt okay to laugh at them because they were laughing loudly at themselves.

“They are so into each other, it’s kind of insane,” You said with a wistful smile as you popped some skittles in your mouth; you had gotten a pack from the vending machine that was by the entrance. You held it toward Steve in a silent offering and when he opened his palm toward you, you poured some into his cupped hand.

“Yeah, they’re disgustingly cute,” Steve responded as he ate the skittles you gave him. “They also probably wouldn’t even notice if we left right now.”

“That’s so true,” You told him, and then almost immediately remembered something. “Wait, shit. Marissa has the car keys, so I can’t even drive home.”

“I can drive you.”

Steve was still practically a stranger to you, so it probably would’ve made more sense for you to say no to him, but you found yourself not wanting to say no to his offer. And you promptly decided that you would not think about why you felt that way.

“Okay,” You said with a nod and got up from the bench you two were sitting on, and then adjusted your dress which had ridden up a bit.

The two of you finished off the rest of the skittles as you walked back toward the bar and headed to the small parking lot that was attached to it.

You stepped into Steve’s car and got comfortable in the passenger seat. “Okay, so feel free to say no, but I’m kinda hungry and those skittles weren’t enough, and McDonald's sounds like both a very bad idea but also a very good one right now.”

Steve laughed at that. “I think it's a great idea. And I’m pretty sure there’s one that’s five minutes away.”

“That’s the exact reason why it was on my mind,” You said with a smile and buckled your seatbelt as Steve began driving.

Barely fifteen minutes later, you two were sat in the McDonald’s parking lot eating burgers and fries in Steve’s car. It was quiet, which made sense since you were both enjoying the fast food that would probably murder your stomachs later, and the only sound filling the car aside from the chewing noises was the random songs playing on the radio.

You were suddenly hit with the realization that you had never been this comfortable around a guy before. If the circumstances were different, and if it wasn’t Steve sitting next to you right then, you knew that you would’ve been so much more self-conscious about the way you were eating and if you were doing it too “messily.” And you also knew that you’d be so much more worried about the silence because it had never felt this relaxed with someone that you barely knew before.

“I lied earlier,” You abruptly said as you ate one of the few stray fries you had left.

“About what?”

You could feel his gaze on you, but you refused to meet his eyes right then because you had a feeling you’d get all flustered if you did, so instead, you kept your eyes trained forward as you answered his question. “I, um, I actually don’t have a boyfriend.”

Steve was quiet for a few moments and you wondered if he was mad at you for lying to him. When you finally forced yourself to look at him, you saw that he was smiling.

You let out a small laugh. “Damn, don’t look so happy that I’m actually single and alone.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just… I don’t know,” Steve trailed off for a second and you looked at him with confused eyes until he said his next words. “I’m glad that it was a lie.”

You didn’t push him further on what he meant by that, mainly because a large part of you felt like you could easily read between those lines, and you couldn’t help but smile a little.

You simply hummed in response and grabbed your soda from the cup holder and took a sip from what was barely left of it.

When you placed it back down, you glanced at Steve. “I’m just now realizing how shit my small talk skills are because I never reciprocated and asked you if you’re from here or not.”

“I’ve definitely been thinking about that the entire time we’ve been together,” He told you, and you could hear the joking undertones in his voice. “Something like, ‘Wow, I can’t believe she doesn’t care about my life story. She probably hates me.’”

You laughed despite yourself. “Stop, I really do feel bad. Also, if I did hate you, you’d definitely know it, and I probably wouldn’t be in a car with you right now.”

“Okay, glad to know you like me.”

“Indifference is also not hate, just so you know.”

He placed a hand over his chest in mock offense. “Ouch.”

“I’m fully kidding. You just set me up too perfectly for that one.” A small laugh fell from your lips. “Anyway, tell me your life story because I do care.”

Steve smiled at that. “I’m not from Indianapolis, but I am from Indiana. Me and Robin used to live in a small town called Hawkins. It’s maybe like two or three hours from here.”

“Why’d you guys come here?”

“Just wanted a change, I guess.”

You turned your head to look at him and he immediately met your gaze. “That answer had the perfect amount of vagueness.”

Steve was quiet for a moment and then he smirked at you. “I actually moved here to be closer to my girlfriend.”

“The fake boyfriend or girlfriend card can only be used once in a conversation, and since I already used it you gotta give me something else,” You told him, your voice completely serious even though you were trying your hardest not to laugh.

“Oh sorry, I meant wife, actually.”

You couldn’t help but laugh that time. “Okay, I’ll allow that.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“Hm, but it’s pretty weird to be alone in a car with a random girl when you have a wife at home.”

“She likes when I put myself out there,” He said with a small shrug.

It was entirely too hard to hide your amused smile, but you still broke eye contact with him and looked straight ahead as you bit your lip to do so. “Very interesting dynamic you two have.”

“Yeah, it works well for us, though.” He nodded and then changed the subject. “Okay, this is random and a completely different topic from me and my fictional wife, but I wanted to ask you this earlier. With your job, the marketing and clothing stuff, was that always what you wanted to do?”

Hearing him ask you about your job slightly surprised you because it had been such a brief part of your conversation earlier that you barely even remembered telling it to him. Your eyes met his again.

“I don’t know. Honestly, not really. It was one of the things that kind of just… happened? When the opportunity fell into my lap I didn’t wanna say no to it, and I really love the job, actually,” You explained, keeping your answer brief and somewhat to the point because there was a lot more that you could’ve said to him about how you ended up where you currently were job-wise.

Like how you’d felt as if you had been in such a rut in your life before you met Louisa, your now boss, at the coffee shop that you worked at in your hometown. And how she ultimately offered you the job on a random Wednesday after you gave her her usual coffee and then when noticing how irritated she looked as she stared at a campaign that her team had been working on for the past few weeks, you stated that the font should be changed and the slogan should be reworked too, and then offered a suggestion for a new slogan that was near perfect in her eyes. You solved the problem she’d been having for days with such ease that it slightly took her aback and she offered you the job right then and there. And the opportunity kind of felt a little too perfect because even though it was in a different state, you were completely ready for a change and Marissa was already in Indianapolis for college.

But you didn’t want to ramble too much to Steve right then.

“Although, it probably doesn’t look like I work with clothes because this outfit kinda sucks.” You then smiled at him. “I should’ve just worn yours like I initially wanted to tonight.”

He let out a small laugh. “What you’re wearing definitely does not suck, it was one of the reasons why I was so nervous to talk to you tonight.”

You had to roll your eyes at that because you fully did not believe him. “Oh, whatever.”

“I’m completely serious,” He told you. “When Robin noticed Marissa and then pointed you out too, I immediately thought you were way too good for me, and my brain shut off completely. It’s a very good thing you guys came up to us because my initial words to you probably would’ve been something very stupid.”

“You thought I was too good for you?” Your words had come out sounding completely confused and a little amused because you were certain that he had to be joking.

“There was just something about you. Really cool, very hot, a little intimidating.”

You pretended as if you were entirely unfazed by the “very hot” comment, although it made your heart constrict. “What about now? Do you still think I’m “too good”?”

“Oh, definitely.” There was so much certainty behind his two words that you actually felt kinda flattered; mostly confused, but also a little flattered.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I’m probably the opposite of too good,” You said and before he could potentially rebuttal your statement, you continued and slightly shifted the subject. “What about you, though? What’s your job or whatever you do?”

“My dad set me up with this job at his friend’s company here,” Steve answered, his voice was softer, almost as if he was slightly embarrassed by his answer. “Probably one of the only good things he’s ever done for me. But, I do think his main motive was to just get me out of the house; which I was honestly very happy to do.”

“Another person with parent issues. Glad to know we always somehow manage to find each other. Mine’s with my mom, though,” You said, cracking a small smile and Steve smiled back at you. “But, anyway, do you like the job?”

He was quick to shake his head. “It’s really corporate and feels a little useless.”

You nodded understandingly at his answer. “Do you know what you wanna do instead?”

Steve was quiet for a few moments and you could tell from the look on his face that he was truly thinking about his answer. “The last few years have been really weird, to say the least, and I had no time to really think about the future. But now that I can, I’m still trying to figure out what I want.”

There was something about the way he briefly talked about whatever he had gone through back home that told you that he didn’t want to delve further into an explanation about it, at least not right then. So, you didn’t ask him to elaborate, even though you were really curious.

“You’ll figure it out,” You said instead. “Sometimes it’s the random opportunity that falls into your lap that makes you realize exactly what you want and what actually makes you happy.”

What you didn't say, but did realize in that moment, was that maybe he was the “random opportunity” that had fallen into your lap that night.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

Hours passed and the two of you kept talking and couldn’t seem to stop. Midnight turned to one in the morning and then one in the morning turned to two, and you were still sitting in Steve’s car, laughing and talking about nothing but also everything.

Something about this moment with him felt significant to you. Like the start of something new, something good. And of course, that scared you a lot, for the same reason you had lied to him earlier about having a boyfriend. But, for the first time in a long time, you felt scared in a good way, if that was even possible.

You ended up in the parking lot of your apartment building around two-thirty with plans to finally say goodnight to one another. However, you felt so comfortable in his car and with Steve that you found it hard to make yourself leave, even though you were slowly getting more and more tired and Steve easily noticed it.

“You’re falling asleep.”

You turned to him, head still resting against the headrest and eyes still shut. “Only a little bit.”

“Let me walk you upstairs.”

You didn’t necessarily want to leave, but you still gave Steve a small nod because you did feel like you were going to fully pass out at any moment. “Okay. But, you might immediately regret coming up because the elevator in the building is broken and I’m on the fifth floor.”

“That’s fine. My years of being a high school athlete have prepared me for this moment.”

“Well, in that case, can I request a piggyback ride because I didn’t play sports in school, and I easily get winded walking up these stairs.”

“I know you’re probably joking but I would happily do that.”

You almost responded with “Piggyback rides are no joking matter,” even though you definitely were joking, but when you finally opened your eyes and noticed the soft smile that Steve was giving you, you immediately felt flustered.

Fuck, you really liked him, and maybe it should’ve been the hours of nonstop conversation and laughter that told you that, but instead, it was him smiling at you like no guy ever had before and practically offering to give you a piggyback ride up five flights of stairs that let you know just how in deep you already were.

“I don’t think your wife would approve of that,” You finally said and Steve laughed.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

When the two of you were standing in front of your apartment door, following the trek up the stairs that managed to only slightly wind you, you looked at Steve.

“Thanks for the ride and the food and yeah… Just thanks for everything that happened tonight, really.” It surprised you how nervous you were right then, and if Steve noticed your nervousness, he didn’t make it seem like he did.

“Thank you for everything too. Those skittles were great,” He said and you couldn’t help but smile at that.

You moved toward your door, but before putting your key in it and saying a final goodbye to Steve, you abruptly turned around and let your mouth move quicker than your brain.

“Can I try something really quick?”

A confused look crossed his face. “Okay?”

You moved closer to him, closing the barely there space between you two, and placed a hand on his cheek. Your other hand found his shoulder and you pushed yourself up on your toes a bit so that you could softly slot your lips against his. You had absolutely no idea where this sudden burst of confidence was coming from, but, at that moment, you forced yourself not to question it and instead jump headfirst into your feelings.

It was easy to tell that Steve was surprised by the kiss, and you almost pulled away and apologized profusely for doing it, but then something switched in a matter of milliseconds and he was oh so quickly kissing you back. Hands found your waist, and you could feel the warmth radiating from his touch through the thin material of your dress.

You were softly pressed against the door as Steve deepened the kiss, and your hands moved and found home in the hair at the nape of his neck. Everything about that moment felt easy; easy and right. Your mouths moved against each other almost as if it was second nature and it almost upset you how this had not happened sooner because of how right it was. So fucking right.

And this quickly became one of those moments that you wanted to be etched in your memory forever while simultaneously never wanting it to end in the first place.

When you finally pulled away, mainly to catch your breath, you looked up at him and smiled. “You taste like onions.”

“So do you. Maybe that McDonald’s really was a bad idea.”

Steve was looking at you so sweetly that it made you want to kiss him again and then a thousand more times after that. However, before you could even get that second kiss in, the door opened behind you.

You yelped at the sudden action and Steve’s hands immediately tightened on your waist so that you wouldn’t fall back.

“Oh, shit, my bad.”

It was Robin’s voice and you were confused to see her right then, standing in your doorway, until you noticed Marissa a bit behind her and the slightly disheveled states they were both in. You didn’t want to think about what they had just finished doing. You were also surprised that you didn’t notice Marissa’s car in the parking lot, but your thoughts had mainly been on Steve, so it slightly made sense.

“Wow, perfect timing, Harrington,” Robin said, and then saw the close proximity between you and Steve. “Unless you two were…?”

“No, we were just saying goodnight,” You told her and then turned to Steve, letting your hands fall from where they were still wrapped around the back of his neck. “Goodnight.”

Instead of initially responding with a simple goodnight of his own, he leaned down and kissed you again. It was a quick one and when he pulled back, he smiled at you and your flustered expression. “Goodnight.”

“I hate you for that. Now Marissa’s gonna force me to do a huge storytime,” You whispered, only half-heartedly glaring at him because a part of you still felt way too high on cloud nine from kissing him.

“Make sure to tell her how great I am,” He whispered back and then pressed a kiss to your forehead. Your heart fluttered at the simple yet tender action as he let go of your waist and moved away from you, he and Robin both started heading toward the stairwell.

When the door was closed and it was only you and Marissa left alone in your shared apartment, she immediately smiled at you. “Hell yes, so we can do double dates.”

You playfully rolled your eyes at her excited statement, but you had to admit, you felt a little excited too.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

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(((part two!)))

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