#wow its fucking 11am on a friday why do i feel like this

[fatalwhims]

I love ffxiv but I hate that I'm playing it during the worst years of my life.

There are so many things happening externally that are preventing me from enjoying it to my fullest.

I know that if my circumstances were different I would be fully immersing myself in the game, finding an FC, raiding, trying to be more than just a casual player. But I can't it makes me sad idk.

I wish I had started playing years earlier when things weren't *waves hand vaguely* like this and I could have enjoyed it to my fullest extent.

If things ever get better then I'm going to make a new WoL and play through everything again idk.

[wen-junehui]

170827 ; Diamond Edge NYC Fan Account

ALRIGHT YALL IM FINALLY READY TO FACE MY EMOTIONS AND WRITE THIS OUT!!! It’s mostly for myself because it was honestly the best night/concert of my life and the more time passes the more I’m gonna struggle remembering SO HERE GOES WOOOO (very very long mess of words BRACE YOURSELVES)

BEFORE (4am-5pm)

SO I actually managed to get up at 4am and I didn’t get much sleep anyway because I was so damn nervous BUT we got ready, ate some breakfast, and managed to leave my house by 6am! We took all the public transport we needed and walked to Terminal 5 and my friend and I were ahead of everyone else and once we were close a huge sea of people wearing rose quartz serenity appeared outta nowhere in the corner. WE WERE LIKE SHIT HOW DID PEOPLE GET HERE EARLIER THAN US YALL DEDICATED and they immediately separated us into our different sections so our friend group split up and I was in VVIP with 3 other friends.

We had a really good spot in line until a group of people who camped out the night before (SOME EVEN SINCE FRIDAY LIKE YALL CHILL PLS ITS ILLEGAL AND UGH) so they got priority in line and I was so freaking angry BUT YA KNOW WHAT MY NIGHT ENDED UP BEING GREAT SO DFLJKGH ITS ALL GOOD

We waited in line outside until 11am blasting music and dancing! Some people even recognized me from KCON and I was like UMMM HELLO??? They recognized me from my hair and now I feel like I should never change my hair color ever again LOL BUT THAT WAS COOL IM HAPPY TO GIVE HARU MORE RECOGNITION THRU MY HAIR WEE WOO

So at 11am we were moved to the rooftop and stayed there until the hi touch! It was pretty fun for the first half up until let’s day 3:30-4pm ish??? we were jamming to songs and singing svt while they were doing soundcheck right below us and THEY COULD HEAR US WOW AND one of the MMT staff (I think I heard her name was Jaylee but imma just say J) filmed us cheering for svt and shit camille and i were in the bathroom and suddenly everyone started screaming so i ran out and someone told me scoups said hi LOL SO MAH GIRL AND I WERE DANCING BY THE BATHROOMS WILDLY AND WOO we made svt laugh thats fun! my friends and i also played kpop charades/heads up to pass the time and i did 5 rounds in a row just to get cherry bomb but i NEVER GOT IT AND IM SAD BUT OH WELL

When we only had like an hour or so left it was the longest hour of our lives omg the sun was blasting its full rays on us and it was just the tail end of endless waiting that we had to endure because everything after this went by in a breeze OHOHOHO

HI-TOUCH (5pm)

ALRIGHT THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGINS!!! So once we started lining up and walked down the stairs my heart began to race and it finally hit me that it’s actually happening and i’m seeing svt up close AH. They had a box to drop off fan gifts on the way so I’m happy I got to pass along to Jun the Hui Hui plushie that I made! I wish I took a picture of it beforehand but I forgot ;-; 

NOW ONTO THE ACTUAL HI TOUCH!! Thanks to my lovely HARU peeps who have a much better memory than me the official order was: minghao, vernon, hosh, jun, jeonghan, jihoon, seungkwan, dino, wonwoo, dk, scoups, josh, and mingyu. SO NO ONE EXPECTED MINGHAO TO BE FIRST AND SHIT MINGHAO SHOOK ME SO HARD HE’S SO HOT IN PERSON MY HAND WAS SHAKING AS I LIFTED IT UP. To Vernon I said YO VERNON WHATS UP and he was like YEEAHHH wow vernon is so much more handsome and chiseled in person goddamn every angle in his face can cut mE. SEEING HOSH’S 10:10 EYE SMILE UP CLOSE WAS THE BEST AND HE LEANED AGAINST THE BARRIER LIKE WOW HELLO 

When I got to Jun hoh mah gah how does he exist his hair looked so soft and fluffy and YALL HIS 60 DEGREE NOSE DESERVES ITS OWN MUSEUM ITS SO BEAUTIFUL JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER FEATURE IN HIS FACE AND (WHEEZE) I said “你是My I(爱）” which means “you are my i/love” AND HE JUST STARED AT ME AND THEN LOOKED TO THE NEXT PERSON SO I FELT KINDA EMBARRASSED but at the same time it was really hectic so maybe he didn’t hear me properly or was just overwhelmed or confused I DUNNO BUT GAH ITS OKAY

Okay tbh bc I was so flustered from jun I breezed through jeonghan, woozi, and seungkwan that my memories of them are kinda hazy BUT ONCE I GOT TO DINO I SLOWED DOWN BC ITS DINO YALL PLS STAN THIS TALENTED HUMAN. i don’t remember wonwoo much either bc dino but scoups and dk were the nicest and dk thanked everyone like bless this boy!! I said WHAT UP to scoups and YO WHATS UP JOSH TO JOSH AND MINGYU HELD MY HAND LONGER AND SQUEEZED IT AND WOW THE LATTER HALF WAS SUCH A NICE EXPERIENCE IM SO HAPPY

After hi touch, we entered the floor and we got a really good view of the stage only two people in front of us! BUT THE THING IS THEY WERE HELLA TALL WITH PHONES FILMING THE ENTIRE TIME but that didn’t detract from the amazing time we had! They played most of svt’s mvs like the ones they performed and once don’t wanna cry played at the end the music got louder it got darker AND SO IT BEGINS

WEN JUNHUI STARING INTO MY SOUL

Interactions get their own section because oh mah gah I’m so shook that it actually happened and wow I need to relive these on their own. SO

After the hi touch, I honestly thought shit jun thinks i’m weird omg i should’ve said something else but he kept on looking at me the entire night and i still can’t believe it happened???? I made an exact replica of my kcon ny poster that said ”我爱俊辉“ which means “I love Junhui” and I know for sure he noticed it in the first half of the concert! 

During Highlight, he kept on staring at me during the chorus!!! Like we were on the right side of the stage (Camille and I were like OKAY RIGHT SIDE IS WHERE WE GET THE BEST VERNON AND JUN VIEWS) and every time the chorus came on and he was right in front of me, he literally stared at the me the entire time for all of the choruses!!!! and like I said before i couldn’t even move during highlight so he must’ve seen how shook I was and dfjghsjdklgf oh my god I couldn’t deal like having your bias stare you down the entire night and have you as his “target” is an experience. And his stares are like an experience in itself like they’re kinda sensual in a way with the way he looks at you. dfgjhslgjkhs

DURING MY I, for the second verse during his part HE STARED AT ME AGAIN while minghao was front of him on the ground and holy heck i was so triggered like of all parts it had to be that one and it’s my favorite part of the song because his “yeah” is so freaking cute and hot at the same time dflghsjdg

ALSO WHEN THE MEMBERS DID THEIR TALK RIGHT BEFORE DONT WANNA CRY, I caught him staring at me from across the room!! That sounds so cliche but he was all the way on the left side of the stage at the end of the line. I was looking at the members in front of us but when I turned my head to look at Jun I was surprised to catch eye contact with him like HELLO?!?! All i did in response was smile and then I turned my attention back to the members in front because fdkjlhgjskd I couldn’t man.

BUT MY FAVORITE JUN MOMENT OF THE NIGHT. During the encore some members had cameras that they would film with and Jun had one. So during healing, he came over to our side again and turned the camera towards us. I lifted up my Jun poster high up so it would be in the shot AND WHEN HE TURNED BACK AROUND HE GAVE ME THE BIGGEST AND MOST GENUINE SMILE EVER. Like ya know when he smiles really widely or when he laughs all his teeth are showing and his eye smile and nose scrunches a lil THATS THE SMILE HE GAVE ME AND IT WAS THE BEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT. I’m so fucking happy all of these things happened with Jun and wow I’m glad I was his target/muse for the night and that I was able to give him happiness. :’)

One of the reasons why Jun is my ultimate bias is because of how into the performance he gets and “gets into character”. His stage presence definitely catches your eye and UGH HE’S JUST SO FREAKING TALENTED AND HIS MOVES ARE SO SHARP IT COULD CUT ME INTO PIECES!!! I LOVE WEN JUNHUI

HONORABLE MENTION: YOON JEONGHAN

OKAY, I knew Jeonghan was gonna wreck me in some way because he’s one of my main wreckers BUT OH MY GOD I DID NOT EXPECT THIS MUCH.

First off during Pretty U, he smiled at me twice at the part when they’re in a circle and Seungkwan does his high note!! The first time was when he was kneeling on the floor and and did the fancy hand arm move things and the second was when he got up to sing his part! I was smiling at him the entire time and wow such a lovely moment.

During the vocal unit stages, I caught him staring at me during We’re Gonna Make it Shine and ugh my god this is only the beginning. During Don’t Wanna Listen in Secret I caught him staring at me again during the chorus and I was also mouthing the lyrics so it’s like I was basically singing along with him AND DFJKGJSD IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

BUT WHAT REALLY SHOOK ME AND I CAN NEVER LOOK AT HIM THE SAME WAY EVER AGAIN. During the encore, Jeonghan was drinking water right and since he was in front of me I couldn’t help but look at him. So when we made eye contact HE WIGGLED HIS EYEBROWS AT ME AND HOLY HELL I WAS SO ATTACKED LIKE UM EXCUSE ME SIR I UM DFGKJHS. i was so flustered all I said to Camille after was FUCK YOON JEONGHAN!! he did it while drinking his ater and ugh my god I really think he was lowkey playing with me the entire night and this was the final blow. i’m so wrecked by jeonghan i’m--!!!

DIAMOND EDGE (7pm-9:30pm) [HIGHLIGHT ;) REEL]

Literally the best concert of my life. I’m never going to stop saying this because I know everyone’s really tired because having concerts at every other day is crazy af and jun, wonwoo, and jeonghan looked the most drained. despite this though everyone put on an incredible and breathtaking show. They did a lot of remixes for a bunch of their songs.

PRETTY U WAS THE OPENER AND IT WAS LIKE THAT ONE CHRISTMAS PRETTY STAGE AND IT WAS SO FREAKING CUTE!! Beautiful live was also just a huge bundle of joy to see because the members were joking around and playing with each other onstage like jun and vernon had a bro moment where jun walked past vernon and vernon stuck out his tongue like YEEE BOI hehe

When vocal unit started singing We’re Gonna Make It Shine I literally started to tear because everything was so beautiful and the song has so much meaning to it and WOW IM GETTING REALLY EMOTIONAL JUST THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN but all of vocal unit’s stages were absolutely breathtaking and hearing their voices and harmonies live damn REASONS WHY THEY’RE MY FAVE UNIT ALSO DK. OMG. THAT BOY IS SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME IN PERSON. And his eyes are so twinkly like I’m convinced actual stars live in his eyes I compared his eyes to Jeonghan and Seungkwan who were beside him and wow his eyes just light up the entire room :’)

HIP HOP UNIT DOE. OH MAH GAH LIT DOESN’T EVEN DESCRIBE HALF OF IT. everyone was so freaking pumped but y’all vernon’s stage presence stood out the most because he was honestly just letting himself go and having the time of his life and feeling the beat and feeling himself LIKE YAAASS BOI U GO. He’s definitely of the top 3 performers of the night HE. IS. SO. GOOD. when he said pretty motherfucker I WAS LIKE FUCK YES AND I MADE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM FOR A BIT FOR PRACTICE WHAT U PREACH BC CAMILLE AND I WERE JUST GOING AWF IN ON THE FLOOR. Also WONWOO!! He didn’t show much emotion(? for lack of a better word) throughout the night and seemed kinda intimidating but there was something about him that made me keep staring at him and wow seeing him for the first time live since we wasn’t at kcon ny last year i was definitely captivated by him. And when we went FUCK YEAH I WAS LIKE DFKJGHJSD YAAASS

ALRIGHT. PERFORMANCE UNIT. H I G H L I G H T.  OH. MY. GOD. OHMYGOD. (omg was amazing too btw dlfjghdsk performance unit is DFKJGDSJKG) I literally could not move while watching Highlight. It’s my second fave svt song after Pretty U and I was in awe. I couldn’t even scream or move (my friend was shook that I was so still and didn’t make a sound LOL) I was so in shock at how beautiful it was in person. As much as I wanted a fancam of it from my perspective i didn’t even dare to reach for my phone let alone look anywhere else because it was such a masterpiece. AND OKAY THEY DID THIS THING WHERE THEY ADDED AT THING AT THE END AND JUN SLOWLY ROTATED HIS HEAD AND WOW HIS ADAM’S APPLE CUT MY PUPILS AND SNATCHED THEIR EDGES HOH MAH. ALSO I’m serious y’all need to stan Dino like everyone that I talked to about Dino they’re like he’s too young. But you can still stan him!!! Romantic feelings are not a requirement to stan people!!! appreciate him for his talent!!! His stage presence and dancing is THE BEST in the group and i’m telling you I call him the child prodigy for a reason. Hoshi and Minghao are AMAZING performers as well and ugh every single person in perf unit is PERFect okay. I’m so thankful I got to see OT4′s version of highlight because it’s absolutely amazing live.

MY I. HOOOOOOOH MAH GOODNESS. THIS SONG. THIS PERFORMANCE. THIS CHOREOGRAPHY. CHINA LINE. EVERYONE STAN CHINA LINE. Again I was in complete awe. I couldn’t move I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t LIVE. The way they smoothly incorporated the ribbon was so beautiful and during the part where jun and minghao do wushu jumps after jun did his thing he was smiling and laughing bc apparently he messed up? I’m not sure my friend said he did but I could’ve sworn I saw him do his jump and i dunno seeing him being so smiley and cute was dkjfhgjdf AND MINGHAO STROKED JUN’S CHEEK AT ONE POINT LIKE WOW AMPLIFIED THE EMOTION OF THE SONG SO MUCH

So the encore was ughhh the cherry on top! I’ve always wanted to get water splashed on me like ya know how the artists get so hyped and ish with the water YEAH IM SO HAPPY MY FIRST TIME WAS WITH SVT. The first time we got splashed was with scoups AND IT GOT IN MY EYE and the second time we were kinda drenched it was beautiful i’m so happy that happened and us jumping along with them during healing was the best experience ever. when they did shining diamond i was so happy to clearly see the part where hosh is in the front and everyone’s leaning on their thighs such an iconic part and considering shining diamond has so much meaning behind it and the song that started it all i’m truly thankful to have seen it its full glory :’)

AND I CAUGHT A BUNCH OF MEMBERS STARING AT MY BONGBONG NEW YORK POSTER DURING THE ENCORE! Like I noticed Vernon and Jeonghan looking at my poster but Seungkwan!!! Seungkwan was the most memorable because it was when he started crying so when he saw my poster he started to cry more AND DFGJHSJ BOO BOO MY HEART. Making that poster stressed me out a lil bit but I’m glad it turned out nicely in the end at that they loved it. :’)

LAST THOUGHTS

Okay this post covers a huge chunk of the night but my entire google doc of my memories has a bunch more. i’m so thankful for seventeen and being a carat and watching them grow. from debut to now, i can’t thank them enough for all the happiness and positivity and hope they’ve given me and i’ll never forget this concert and everything about this day. i will never stop supporting and loving them and i already can’t wait until they come back. thank you seventeen for everything and giving us a phenomenal show. 

we’ll always be your shining diamonds acting as your light whenever things may start to get dark. ♡

[buckygirl-fanfiction]

Sparks Chapter 16

Pairing: Bucky(POV) X Reader(POV) ft. other characters from the avengers team

Word Count: 5.1K

Summary: Bucky helps y/n put together her new dresser. y/n begins to experience the stress of the job. Bucky finally begins to move on from his feelings for y/n.

A/N: This is a story about two people building a great friendship and then slowly falling in love. y/n is a strong, independent, and smart scientist. She meets Bucky when she wakes him up from cryo sleep and they become friends. This is going to have all the angst / best friends falling in love / fluff / drama / & eventual smut ;) that I can possibly fit in it. This fic is going to be looong! So far my document is like 50,000 words. So editing is hard If you catch any grammatical or formatting errors let me know.

January 13, 2016

y/n’s POV

I was drowning into the dark abyss of what could only be an ocean. Around me the water was a deep hue of green almost black, if my lungs hadn’t been burning with the salt water that was filling them, I would think it beautiful. I felt the seaweed intertwine with my legs and crawl up my thighs tightening its grip on me and pulling me further down into the void. I wasn’t fighting it, I don’t know why, I just let myself be pulled down into the pit of the sea. I wasn’t afraid, maybe that’s why I didn’t try to swim up towards air. Fear keeps you alive and I am not afraid. 

I woke up to something soft brushing against my face and opened one eye. It was Igor, my neighbors cat, rubbing his cheek against mine. I’d just returned him today morning but somehow he always manages to sneak in back where he doesn’t belong. I free my hands from the confines of my covers and gently stroke his adorable little face. The room is dark except for the faint light radiating from my window, a combination of streetlights and moonlight. Other than that the only light in my room is the white cat’s fluffy face. I yawn and look at the clock and see 3:46am flash back at me in red numerals. Tomorrow is Wednesday, well today now, and I have to be up for work in a couple hours. I grab my phone off of the nightstand and contemplate texting Bucky to cancel our usual morning run. I haven’t been sleeping well lately and I could use the extra hour before I had to be up again. I yawn again and shoot him a quick text message saying, ‘can’t run today, too sleepy.’ I place my phone back on the night stand after setting my alarm for an hour later. I try to close my eyes again and drift off to sleep, but everytime I try I’m confronted by that dream once again. I’ve been having it for the last two weeks and now it’s gotten to a point of constantly haunting my nights. I open my eyes again when my phone dings and lean over to look at the screen. It’s a text from Bucky that reads, ‘No problem. Why are you up so early? Having trouble sleeping?’ I reach over to answer it and rethink my reply. I don’t need people worrying about me. Plus it’s probably nothing. I might just be having an off week… or two…

I toss my covers to the side and walk over to my dresser and pull open the bottom draw and pull out a bottle of sleeping pills.  I’ve slowly started to become dependant on these for the last couple days. I look over at the clock again and it reads 4:15. I sight and put the bottle back into the draw. Too late now, I have to be up in a couple hours anyways, might as week get up now. I push the draw shut and halfway in something blocks its path. I try again, this time pushing a little harder, and i’m met with a loud noise and a now half open jammed draw.

“UGH!” I moan in frustration.

I spend the next 20 minutes trying to unjam my draw until I finally give up and resort to lying down on the floor looking up at the ceiling. My fucking dresser is falling apart just like my ability to sleep. I walk over to the living room and turn on my computer. This is what it’s come to then, online furniture shopping at 4 in the morning, huh.

6am

I’m walking through the park towards the tower still yawning every 5 minutes when I spot a familiar figure running towards me. I stop and wait for him. It’s cold out, the weather’s finally beginning to drop into the low 20s. It still hasn’t snowed, well not majorly, maybe a couple flurries to dust the tops of trees and form a thin white film on the pavement.City winters don’t usually get bad until around february and i’m dreading it. Bucky jogs towards me wearing a pair of black sweats and a warm looking wool cap.

“Hey,” he says, his forehead scrunching in concern. “Thought you were going to sleep in?” 

“Oh, I was, but then I felt too energized so decided to come in early,” I say and another involuntary yawn escapes my mouth.

He raises his eyebrows and says, “energized?”

“Well, you know what I mean…” I reply shrugging my shoulders.

“You okay?” he asks, “If you’re having trouble sleeping i’m the best person to consult,” he says with a smile on his scruffy face. He hasn’t shaved in a couple days and the look adds a couple years to his face, in a good way.

“Oh, i’m not. Just have a ton of stuff to get done at the lab and thought I might as well… you know. Anyways why are you out running so early?” I ask in attempts to change the subject.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he replies. “I’ll walk with you,” he gestures and we begin walking back towards the tower. “So, i’m thinking we should start sparring indoors in the mornings, it’s getting a bit icy out here for running.”

“That sounds good. I’m down for learning a couple things from your expertise,” I say yawning again.

“Wow, my expertise! You must really be sleep deprived if you’re complimenting me,” he says laughing. 

“I’m fine,” I say rolling my eyes. “Hey, so I broke my dresser this morning you wanna go to ikea with me this weekend to get a new one?” I ask once again attempting to move the topic of conversation away from my sleep deprivation.

“Yeah sure,” he says. “I like building things.”

Januaray 15, 2016

Bucky’s POV

It’s Friday night and i’m stuck in a car with Sam parked across a sketchy street of warehouses and long abandoned buildings. Were in a old dusty car so as to blend in with our equally dusty and decayed surroundings. We’ve been here for over an hour now waiting and watching for signs of movement but everything seems oddly calm. Tony intercepted a outgoing communication from the warehouse in New Jersey to a cell tower in this area and needed people to scope out the place. Since the mole hunt is still ongoing only the main team along with a small group of trusted agents are kept in the loop. Hence, there is a shortage of personnel and Sam and I were the only ones available. Steakouts are boring, yet I find them oddly relaxing. Although the stillness does have me on edge. 

“Hey man, me and a couple guys are gonna watch the game tomorrow at the Founding Fathers then hang out wanna join us?” Sam says to me breaking the silence.

“I can’t i’m helping y/n put together her new dresser.”

“You’re what?” Sam asks and even in the dark car I can see his mocking expression. 

“She broke her dresser, I helping her out,” I reply coolly.

“First she’s got you going to baby showers, now you’re building her furniture?” Sam says with a chuckle in his voice, “How badly are you trying to get in her pants man?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Why does everyone think something is going on. Can’t two people just be friends these days…

“No man in his right mind builds furniture for a girl unless she is at the very least his girlfriend. It’s either that or said man is trying to get into her pants.”

“What, men and women can’t be friends?” I retort to his insinuation that i’m simply trying to get into y/n’s quote unquote pants.

“No men and women can be friends but…” I cut him off before he can finish his sentence.

“Then i’m just doing a nice thing for my friend.” Did I have feelings for y/n. Yes, just maybe I harbored just the faintest amount of romantic emotion towards her. But, that all ended when I realized that they were just superficial misplaced emotions all from my side. I didn’t know her enough, she didn’t seem to return them in any way, shape, or form except in friendship and why would I want to ruin a perfectly good friendship by romanticizing it? Of course I didn’t admit any of this to Sam. He and I share what one might call a weirdly passive aggressive relationship and I don’t trust him enough to admit these deep truths, I didn’t even trust Steve enough. Maybe I just didn’t want to admit them to myself…

“Alright, alright…” Sam says raising up his hands in defeat. “If you change your mind you know where we’ll be.” He says still extending the offer. Maybe he’s right. If i’m going to completely move on from these feelings I have for y/n then I’m going to have to stop spending so much time with her.

We spend the rest of the night in relative silence. Although Sam is surprisingly talkative.

January 16, 2016

y/n’s POV

I’m sinking again in the dark emerald green sea miles beneath the surface of the water. My black hair floats above and around me like the very seaweed that’s wrapped around my legs pulling me down. The water is ice cold on my skin but I don’t mind it, the deeper I sink the less I feel it. 

I wake up uncomfortably cold and open my eyes. Crap I forgot to close the window. I walk across my room in a pair of white fluffy socks that are not helping at all towards the open window and push it shut. I pick up the pair of sweatpants lying on the floor and pull them on. The clock reads 2:13am in bright red. A couple sleeping pills wouldn’t hurt. Jeeze I haven’t been this dependant on sleeping pills since high school when my mom died. I sigh and pop two in my mouth and swallow. Walking towards the kitchen I chuck the rest of the bottle out into the bin and climb back into my cozy bed. It’s saturday and I don’t have to meet Bucky until 11am which means I can sleep in. My mind continues to race for about 30 minutes until the drowsiness finally kicks in and i’m back in the ocean again.

I wake up to a loud knocking on my door. I quickly sit up and my eyes shoot open in alarm. The sun is at its highest in the sky and it’s blazing at me through the window it’s blinding and I immediately shut my eyes again. I moan in annoyance as the knocking continues and squint my eyes trying to read my bedside clock, it flashes 12:46pm. Then I suddenly remember. Crap I was supposed to meet Bucky at 11. I grab the pair of glasses on my nightstand and put them on and run to get the door. It’s probably him, I can’t believe I overslept. I must’ve unknowingly snoozed my alarm or turned it off. I unlock my door and pull it open to see Bucky standing outside in his leather jacket and a baseball cap.

“Someone overslept,” he says with a smirk on his face.

I groan and let him in. He closes the door behind him and makes his way over to the living room.

“Are you hungover? You look hung over…” He says eyeing me curiously.

“No I had like one glass of wine last night before bed and just forgot to set my alarm. Give me a second i’m just going to change and then we can go,” I say making my way back into my bedroom.

“Take your time,” he says. “You might want to run a comb through your hair,” he says with a chuckle.

“Shut up.”

He was right though. I was sporting a serious case of bed head. Combing my hair is a 10 minute job at the least especially when it’s like this. This is what you get for not getting a haircut in 4 years…

Bucky’s POV

 I scroll through my phone looking over some recent mission reports and updates while I wait for y/n to get ready. She looks tired, like she’s been looking for the past week. I’ve seen her drained before, usually when she’s overworked, but she always bounces back in a couple days. This spell of stress seems to be affecting her for longer than usual. I get up from the couch and make my over to her kitchen looking for a bottle of water. I open her fridge and spot the usual old containers of takeout and a box of cold pizza and sigh. I pull out a water bottle from the bottom of the fridge and close it behind me. I spot the empty wine bottle and lipstick stained glass still on her kitchen island. I pick up the bottle and walk over to the recycling bin to toss it out. Before I drop it into the bin I spot a bottle of pills inside along with bottles of water and other plastic containers. Curiosity getting the best of me I lean over and pick up the small bottle. It reads, ‘Maximum Strength Nighttime Sleep Aid.”

y/n’s POV

After I’ve tamed the birds nest on my head effectively smoothing it down to my usual long smooth waves I make my way to the living room to find Bucky. When I notice he’s no longer on his spot on my sofa I walk towards the kitchen. I find him standing behind the kitchen island with my empty bottle of wine in one hand and a bottle of my sleeping pills in the other. He notices my presence and looks up from the bottle in his hand and I instinctively roll my eyes at him.

 “What are you snooping on me now?” I ask walking over to the refrigerator to get a bottle of water and put it in my tote bag.

“I’m not a doctor but i’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to take these with alcohol,” he says regarding me with a look of almost concern on his face.

“Well I am and I took them hours apart so it’s fine…” When he continues to give me that annoying look that I know won’t go away unless I give him an explanation I continue, “like I said I had one glass of wine before bed at like 10. Then, I woke up at like 2am over energized from all the work i’ve been trying to get done for Tony so I popped a single sleeping pill and went to bed…” I walk over to him taking the wine and pill bottle from his hand and tossing it back in the bin.

“I didn’t know you were having so much trouble sleeping you could have told…” I cut him off before he gets himself way too worked up.

“Bucky I’m fine.” I look him straight in the eye and say, “It’s been a stressful week. Cho and I are stuck doing work meant to be done by an entire lab of people because of this fucking mole hunt. Then to add ontop of that we’re on a time crunch because there’s some psycho bomber on the loose. Not to mention we have to keep up with our usual projects so the rest of the lab doesn’t notice anything off. And while doing all of that we have to oversee management because we’re seniors now and somehow we make it to every board meeting and try to fit in a good 8 hours of sleep everyday. We are both strung out and tired. So don’t judge me for trying to get, at the very least, some sleep out of my saturday. Did I mention it’s my only day off now since I work on Sundays!” Bucky’s face seems now more concerned but less worried at the same time, maybe he is satisfied with my excuse. “You know what this is like Bucky,” I say trying to successfully divert his attention away from me, “This mole hunt is taking a toll on everyone. I threw the pills out, I got my sleep, i’m fine now.”

“I just want to make sure you’re alright.” He says with a look of true concern on his face.

I almost feel a twinge of guilt lying to him, but I don’t need the bother, so I push down the feeling and say, “If i’m ever not alright i’ll call you and we can be sleepless together, okay?”

“Deal,” he says the smile returning to his face. Boy, that was easy.

“Let’s go.” I say glad that, that was over.

 We drive over to the nearest Ikea which is a fair hours drive away and pick up my new dresser. It’s shiny and black. I don’t know why I chose black, I usually strictly coordinate all my furniture so that its white. White was my mother’s favorite color and she had the habit of purchasing all household decor in white. I remember once, when I was a child, painting a garden flamingo white because they only came in pink. Those were the simple times. I remember my dad laughing at her and miniature me covered in paint as we painted that metal bird white. Well, those were the pre-abandonment days when my mom was still healthy and the cancer hadn’t claimed her. When my dad still loved me and… Snap out of it y/n since when do you reminisce about your parents. Gosh the stress of the job is really getting to me.

“Next exit,” Bucky says from beside me.

“Hmm?” I say absentmindedly still driving down the highway. Its surprisingly traffic free for a saturday afternoon.

“You have to take the next exit,” he repeats and at the corner of my eye I see him watching me.

“Oh sorry,” I say putting the blinker on. We took his pickup since his truck has more space than my sudane. He drove going so I only thought it fair to drive back. I glide onto the next lane and past the cars to take the coming exit.

“You seem distracted,” he notes. 

“Yeah, I am. It just keeps bothering me how after such intense investigating Cho and I still can’t find a single thread of evidence connecting to hydra.” I say. 

“You will the right break will come along and we will be there when it does,” he says with assurance in his voice. Almost as if he is certain that things will turn out fine. I wish I could feel that sense of certainty but lately, ever since that intern blew up right in front of me, I haven’t been feeling much of anything. Whatever, I’ll be fine soon enough. This is just the stress getting to me.

 …

“I don’t know why you chose black,” Bucky says as he kneels in my bedroom unpacking the box. “Everything else in here is white.”

“Thought a change was in order,” I said walking over towards him. 

“Hey,” he swats my hand away when I reach for the directions.

“What you don’t think I can put together my own dresser. I have a degree in engineering you know that right! I built your fucking arm for god sakes.” I don’t need a man to tell me I can’t build my own furniture.

“One, you asked me to help you. Two, I like to build solo.” He says simply as he arranges all the pieces in neat organized piles.

Bucky’s POV

“At least let me help,” she whines at me kneeling beside me watching as I organize the pieces. I don’t know why i’m being such a control freak. What I said about liking to build solo, isn’t even true. I just don’t want to put her to work I guess, with all the stress she already has piled on her. It’s stupid I know. From the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of her iconic eye roll. She shifts on her knees to sit cross legged besides me watching me work. “So what are you doing tonight?” She asks, “we could watch some Walking Dead and eat cold pizza.”

As much as i’d like to do that and as much as that stupid show is growing on me I say, “I can’t i’m meeting some of the guys at the Founding Fathers.”

“Ooo the guys,” she says before getting up to walk somewhere behind me.

“Where are you going?” I say absentmindedly while screwing together pieces of what is to be a drawer.

“To get my phone, if you’re ditching me I might as well make some other plans.”

“Anything interesting?”

“Ehhh, Dean wanted to hang out today maybe he’s still free,” she says from behind me. As much as I hate to admit it I felt a twinge of something inside me, like a sting.

y/n’s POV

“Maybe some good sex will relieve the stress,” I say as I open my messages app shooting him a quick text. Maybe he can fuck the stress out of me. Or I mean, at the very least, I’ll get some feeling out of an orgasm or two. I hear Bucky chuckle from in front of me and I look up from my phone.

“Finally decided to fuck him I see,” he says from his spot on the floor, his back still to me.

“Oooo Bucky said a bad word,” I tease.

My phone dings with a new message and I look back down at the screen. It reads: ‘Yeah i’m free I can come over around 7’ I shoot back a ‘Sounds great.’

“So is he free?” Bucky asks curiously. For a second I almost hear something else in his tone, but I overlook it.

 “Yep, so you gotta skedaddle by 6:30.” I look over at the clock and it reads 4:43pm.

“I feel so used,” he says jokingly, “you make me come over, build your furniture, and you don’t even feed me.”

I stand up walking over to him and lean down to put my hands on his shoulders shaking him playfully. “Don’t worry i’ll feed you before I kick you out,” I say, “I’ll even order us a whole new pizza and make Dean eat the cold one from yesterday in the fridge.” He laughs again this time I feel his shoulders shake as he chuckles. I get back up and walk over to my bed to pick up my phone and dial the pizza place.

…

Bucky’s POV

It’s around 7:30 when I get to the Founding Fathers. I left y/n exactly at 6:30 when she kicked me out to go shower. A very small, miniscule part of me regrets turning down her offer of binge watching tv and eating cold pizza. But, a bigger part of me knows it’s for the best. However, I can’t shake that feeling from before that twinge, that sting. I walk into the Found Fathers and spot a group of guys along with Steve and Sam sitting around one of the bars. I walk over to the group and introduce myself to the men I don’t know, probably also field agents.

“Hey, man you came,” Sam says a smile on his face.

“Yeah, look at me being all social,” I reply my tone laced with sarcasm.

“Bucky?” I hear a familiar voice coming from behind me. When I turn around i’m met with the pleasant face of Bahni.

“Bahni, what are you doing here?” I say surprised.

“Oh, me and a couple girls from the office are just hanging out,” she says with a smile on her face. I’ve got to admit she looks pretty. She’s wearing a flowy white button down shirt and a pair of black jeans.

“Girls?” Sam interjects our conversation and says, “why don’t you guys join us?”

“Yeah, sure i’ll get them,” she says laughing before turning to walk over to her table.

“Man is that hot Bahni from legal?” Asks one of the field agents whose name i’d forgotten.

“Yeah,” Sam replies for me, “Bucky here is dating her.”

“We’ve been on a couple dates,” I say correcting him.

“Man your lucky,” he says, “She barely goes out with anybody from the office. She’s a real catch smart and hot.”

“You hear that Bucky,” Sam pats me on the back.

“Alright, guys let’s stop ogling,” Steve says trying to change the topic.

Bahni walks back over with a group of her friends, three other girls, and introduces them. The rest of the night goes by pleasantly. I have to admit though, I’ve never really seen Bahni until now. I’ve always thought of her as ‘body shots bahni’ who only likes to go out and party. This is really the first time i’m sitting down and talking to her. And she’s smart, and funny, and lively, and free and I like it.

y/n’s POV

Dean comes around at 7:10pm apologizing for being late. I laugh, look at him apologizing for being 10 minutes late, it’s adorable. I’m showered and shaved and ready to jump his bones. I’m not wearing anything special just a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top. He on the other hand is wearing a pair of blue jeans and a white dress shirt with the collar open.

“I think I have some cold pizza from yesterday if you’re hungry,” I say sitting cross legged on the sofa next to him.

“We can go out and grab dinner if you want. I know a guy at Gino’s and he can get us a reservation, it’s not too late.” he says. I’ve heard some pretty great things about Gino’s, apparently their waiting list for reservations is like 3 months long. But I wasn’t in the mood to go out, that required energy and I was just way too tired mentally to fake my way through a date tonight.

“Actually, I was just hoping we could stay in and watch some netflix,” I say hoping he’d get the hint already. But seems like Dean has a gentlemanly side as well…

“Then cold pizza and netflix sounds great,” he says smiling. The next hour and a half we spend actually watching a movie and cuddling, I almost want to roll my eyes. When he picks another cheesy horror flick and plays it I realize i’m going to have to be the one to make the first move. I put down my glass of wine and bring my face near his and lightly kiss him on the lips. He eyes me curiously and proceeds to weave his hand through my hair and pull my face to his. He was a pleasant kisser, gentle and sweet. But I didn’t have time for that and I pushed him back on the sofa moving to straddle him and set a faster pace clashing my lips onto his and clawing at the top buttons of his shirt.

…

“Whoa,” Dean says in between breaths, “that was amazing.”

“Haha yeah,” I say sitting up to put my shirt and shorts back on. He’s still lazily laying next to me on the couch, his pants still at his knees and his shirt wide open. Before he can say anything else I say, “Hey I have to go into the office at like 6 tomorrow and I haven’t been sleeping well lately so i’m going to turn in. Do you mind?”

“Oh, umm, no not at all,” he says taken aback a little. He pulls up his pants and buttons his shirt. “I was just hoping we could spend more time together.”

“Yeah me too,” I say putting on my best disappointed look, “but ever since this promotion i’m being worked like crazy.” I get up waiting for him to stand.

“Right you’re a big senior now! How’s that going?” he asks.

I keep my reply short to discourage further conversation and say, “stressful.”

I walk him towards the door and before he steps out he says, “call me, maybe we can grab lunch Monday?”

“Yeah totally,” I say smiling as I shut the door behind him.

My smile fades away as soon as I slide the lock closed. I walk over to my sofa and plopped myself down grabbing my glass from the coffee table. I gulped down that liquid that stains my lips the loveliest shade of red. I put my feet up and leaned back. God that was much needed. Dean was a better fuck than i’d expected. I tilted my head back cracking my neck then finished off the glass of wine. I sighed. But Dean was short lived. The indifference and disinterest and listlessness of the past 2 weeks was slowly returning again and if i’m being honest it’s not just from work stress. But I can’t seem to figure out what’s bothering me. If i’m being completely honest I feel passive. Like instead of living life I was simply floating by in the midst of all this drama and destruction like there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I haven’t felt this passive and out of control since my father left… I push the thought out of my head I can’t waste time lingering on the past. I’ve got much bigger problems on my plate right now, we all do. For a second I feel the fear return to me. The fear that I won’t be able to disable the next bomb, that people innocent people will die, that my friends will get hurt. I know its coming, its been too quiet for too long. They’re planning something, I feel something horrible coming. But I push it out of my mind. I can’t be afraid, I can’t let myself feel afraid. I have to be strong. I sigh and look at the clock it reads 9:37pm. I count on my fingers, If I fall asleep now i’ll get 8 hours of sleep. Hey that’s pretty good. But I feel to worried to sleep. I contemplate calling Bucky, but I opt not to. I’m strong I don’t need a babysitter. Plus he’s probably out having fun, I don’t want to bother him. He deserves to lay back and relax once in awhile. I walk over to the kitchen and fish out my bottle of sleeping pills from the recycling bin and rinse it off. This time I pop a single pill in my mouth and swallow. I place the bottle on the island and walk back to my bedroom.

A/N: I’m back bitches! Shoutout to @deanmonslittleangel for being the real MVP and an awesome soundboard for me to bounce ideas off of for the next couple chapters, they’re going to be amazing.