#wow Ive missed tumblr tags lmao

[chthonicgodling]

AND THATS WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE

In preparation for the press conference - Elysium Drama Update that I’m gearing up for - please enjoy - a PRE-update SUMMARY! it was either this or several essays.

[wow look at me on the cusp of nsfwart????? I should hope it’s common knowledge by now that the Elysium palace is goth slut central pls but if this is a surprise to you then. Uhh. surpriiiise]

Behold! a refresher course on Loki and Maci and Tory’s existing history in the Elysium’verse!! Yes, most of you following me heeere probably,, know all or most of this but it is CRUCIAL for me to hammer this home so that we can all hyperventilate together

[[like I.,, need you to understand why the Current Shenanigans are making me lose my mind. I Just NEED you to understand What We’ve Been Through with these three (two) morons.., in order to appreciate WHERE WE’RE AT NOW. do you get it??? do you gET IT??? DO YOU SEE WHY IM WHEEZING??????!! WHY IVE BEEN CLAWING AT THE WALLS? OKAY-]]

Sure it is probably way too early to post this here cause I haven’t even started to DRAW the update this is leading up to, but I extremely like how this came out and plus you all on Tumblr have surely seen my shrieking and my incredibly vague posting about them and the [REDACTED, UP NEXT, SITUATION] recently. the crackship name for the NOT A THROUPLE I PROMISE is Taki Fuego (lol🤪) and if you click that you can SEE the insanity I’ve been talking about for a month and a half with my jaw on the floor and no sign of stopping….. I can’t believe any this Lemme tell youuU-

and so,, I’m very sorry to hype and run but! Stay tuned indeed! at the very least this is colorful to look at while we all now descend into eager madness together. Tory (& Epi & Vryk & half of these decisions) belongs to hiatused @fenixethekid who MAY be trying to kill me with these current canon turns of events, idk yet

Stay tuned stay tuned stay tuned<3 also don’t tag this with the m word lmao

[craftypentacle]

I am so fucking frustrated

The title says it all - and yet zero details so I am going to get into them here:

I am going to school for massage therapy. I have one other classmate who is 4 years older than me. We instantly clicked and I am so grateful that my classmate is quite similar to me. The teachers on the other hand... they seem like great people outside of class, but they have been quite bad teachers.

The first teacher was teaching a class that lasted two weeks - she was great, aside from misgendering me, which didn't bother me at the time (doesn't make it okay tho...). My current two teachers though... they are who really make me question how much I want to get through this year of schooling.

I am taking anatomy and physiology, as well as Basic Swedish techniques. From the very first day of anatomy, I was nervous. One, anatomy is just a scary subject - I have been hearing my peers complain about the class since Junior year of high school, so about five years with this fear and nervousness instilled in me. My teacher only made that fear worse. The first day of classes, she flew through the slideshows saying that nearly everything that we were briefly seeing would be discussed in the future... except the second class went like that too, just a little less of "you'll see this down the line," but similar teaching style. Actually, I don't think my normal teacher was there for our second class of anatomy, in which case... I learned better than with my normal teacher.

With breezing through the powerpoints, it is so difficult to catch much information or get it typed out. My classmate doesn't even have a digital way to write down information, so she has to handwrite it, meaning she misses so much more information than she should.

Now, I understand that a part of college is to learn on your own, but we are scheduled to be at school for four hours, and most nights those four hours are nowhere near met. There are two of us, instead of zooming through and not having anything else to teach, I want to have a say in how things are taught. The benefit of having a small class size is not that we get through things faster, it is supposed to be that we have one on one and a more personalized learning experience. That has been said of all of the schools that I've attended and this is the only place that it's actually felt like a possibility... and yet, nothing...

My basic swedish techniques teacher is frustrating but in a different way. Tonight was my second time meeting her, but my fifth class of this course. She had covid for a bit, which I understand, but that meant that we had subs. Now, the thing that I've experienced with substitutes is that my normal teachers explain the lessons plans or have sub notes to some degree. They were not present within this course. Because of that, there were assumptions being made about my normal teacher's preferred massage methods. Those assumptions were incorrect. They were things like excluding one part or another. My classmate and I were practicing these incorrect methods and being told in class, as she was shirtless under a sheet and I am relearning the proper way for the first time and I have really bad anxiety about fucking up when it comes to putting my hands on another person so I want to make sure I understand it correctly before starting. Being told and not shown how to do it the proper way when it felt like I had been doing the proper way was extremely difficult for me. If I am incorrect, yes please correct me, but I am not going to learn properly from a distance. Still, I did my best. What works for me when correcting the mistake is naming out loud the misinformation and explaining what to do instead, that way if I ever think about reverting to the old way I will know step by step how to fix it in the moment before going dangerously far.

It was so frustrating because she didn't realize how I was learning, that I was trying to connect the false information to what I really should be doing. There was a point I was saying that I had learned to effleurage one side of the arm all at once then move onto the other side, and I thought I had skipped a part because the video went back and forth between the two positions. She said that I hadn't, but she also didn't understand what I was trying to say, so I tried to clarify that that was what I had been taught and I was trying to figure out how it was different. She still didn't understand and ended up rewinding it to show me. So I started to become frustrated. I wasn't being heard, in fact I was being shut down and directed to the video again. My classmate said that the majority of the time she was on her phone - I didn't notice that, but that was mostly because I was so caught up in trying to get things right. All of this was a concoction for me to freak the fuck out internally in the middle of a practice massage on my classmate. I knew that I could not physically continue and learn well, so I had asked to leave the room for a few moments. Her response was "You have a client..." And as she said that, Im sure my face said "this is my fucking classmate and I am taking a few moments to myself." So I walked out to compose myself and walked straight to the bathroom, sat in the first stall, and started breathing. I reminded myself that this is frustrating for all of us, and no one was making me frustrated on purpose. Covid isn't anyone's fault and sometimes teachers can forget to give subs notes, especially when it's unplanned. My sub teachers have known my normal teacher for some time and know her end of course long game, so they dropped some hints that a few things will be shortened or edited or adjusted how is best for our bodies. The assumption that we would be doing the same was an honest mistake. It was a big ole mess of miscommunication, one that would teach me how to calm and ground mid disaster and go back into the massage room for the client. Instead, after I calmed down in the stall, washed my hands and was ready to walk back to the class, I see my fully clothed classmate beside me. So it seemed that the massage was over and that I calmed myself down enough for the massage but instead for nothing.

She asked me if I was feeling better and I was, but the thing about me is that that doesn't last if you pick at a fresh wound. I tend to spiral a lot. So that's what I did. I spiraled in silence. Every single thing she said would somehow lead my brain to a self negative thought and I would fight that. Only to be met with more shitty self talk.

We ended up going outside for a bit. We walked around the building some... towards a bar that the guy I used to talk to showed me. I somehow still miss him... SO much. I hate it. On that walk, she offered to hold my hand. I haven't held hands with a platonic, non sexual friend in so long, it was so nice. I miss having close friends who were comfy with physical touch, even when I was the reason they became comfy with it.

Anyway, I am tired and may finish this later, may not, we'll see.

[perce]

pretty sure i blacked out for the entirety of 2017

[psychovigilantewrites]

Don’t Call Me That Pt. 2

Wordcount: 10,129

A/N:  I thought this part 2 would total up to 10k words, but when it hit 10k, I realised that I was only about 65 percent done. So based on the responses I got from tumblr, I decided to publish this first and then conclude the story later on!

TW:  mentions of r*pe, mentions of torture, mentions of drugging someone (??) , mental breakdowns, vulnerability, descriptions of anxiety

Also, HERE’S MY FAV MEMES!! I’m so sorry that I can’t tag respective meme creators, because I saved them on my phone and some of them I forgot to include your usernames!! I’M SO SORRY!!! And honest to god is wear there were more but i must have lost them im so sorry im so incompetent lmao

memeesss

You glanced at your phone.

It had already been a week in Hawaii with your friends, and Jason still hadn’t texted you.

Well, you should have expected it, really. Jason was a traumatised, mentally ill man who had been locked away for two years.

Of course he wouldn’t text you first.

You had contemplated texting him over the past few days, typing in an array of messages ranging from a simple “hey” to a whole paragraph, and deleting all of it without hitting send. Did he even switch the phone on? Was he surfing the internet? Or was the phone still there on the shelf where you had left it.

It was driving you crazy.

“Do you have a boyfriend we don’t know about?” a voice called.

You looked up and squinted at the man who was standing up, looking down at you. You were sitting on the beach, a little further away from the ocean where your friends were.

“What are you talking about?” you asked as Alex plopped down next to you.

“You’ve been fidgety the whole time,” he pointed out, combing back his dark shoulder length hair with his fingers, getting sand in them. “We’re on a private beach, and you’ve been fussing over your phone. Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” you grumbled truthfully.

“The girls have been gossiping,” he gestured to the two other girls playing in the water. Your closest friends. It was four of you in that inseparable group.

“Of course they have,” you groaned, “Tell them to SAY IT TO MY FACE, COWARDS!”

You shouted at them, earning you grins and middle fingers from the distance.

“They’re saying you’re in love with someone,” he chuckled, “But they always say stupid shit like that without any evidence. But sometimes, a girl’s intuition is just right, ya know?”

“Stop beating around the bush, Alex,” you rolled your eyes at him despite knowing he couldn’t see past your sunglasses. “No, I’m not in love. I’m just waiting for a text that might never come.”

“Why don’t you text him first?”

“Because it’s not as simple as that!” you flailed your arms, “He’s… complicated. I can’t just text him anything.”

“Girl, unless he’s Mr. Nottingham, or related to you, then it really isn’t that complicated,” he joked.

“Ugh,” you groaned again, falling back onto the cloth you spread out. “Fine. I’ll text him.”

“Atta girl,” Alex grinned, “I’m gonna head back in the water. Join us after. Please?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you waved.

Opening the text window for what had to be the thirtieth time, you finally decided to text him.

You: Miss me yet?

Staring intently at the small ‘sent’ below your message bubble, you waited for it to turn to ‘delivered’.

“Yes!” you hissed. It meant that Jason had indeed switched on the phone.

But after twenty minutes you realised that it didn’t matter if Jason switched on the phone if he didn’t want to talk to you. Cursing to yourself, you decided to join your friends in the water, hoping it’ll distract you from checking your phone every five minutes for a text message that might never come.

After an hour of actually spending time with your friends, all four of you returned to the villa, your mood elevated. Checking your phone, you could have jumped for joy when you saw not one, but four consecutive texts in a row.

Jason: Duck off. Jason: What the duck Jason: WHY CANT I SAY DUCK Jason: I DUCKING HATE THIS

You couldn’t let out a string of giggles.

“Oooh, lover boy texted you back, huh?” Alex peeked over your shoulder. “Gimme, I wanna mess with him.”

He snatched your phone from your hands, surprisingly swift and smooth for a civilian, raising it way above his head so you couldn’t reach it and opened the camera.

“Alex-!”

He threw his other arm over your shoulder and pulled you into his bare chest, crushing you before you could tackle him down. He snapped a picture and sent it.

You froze in horror.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” you yelled.

“Relax, I was just messing around,” he gave your phone back to you.

“You don’t- you don’t understand, you fucking asshole!” you screamed.

“I- I’m sorry,” Alex stuttered, surprised by your reaction. “I was just-”

“Fuck off!” you snapped.

Panicking, you saw the little notification below the picture turning from Received to Read.

No. No, no, no, no.

This was bad.

You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason by sending him photos of your activities, thinking that he might react badly to the sudden surplus of familiarity and sense of being close to someone. Now you were worried that he might start to push you away in fear, reverting back to how he was before, and months of progress would have been all for nothing.

He would probably start swearing at you, or worse- switch off the phone and reject any form of communication completely. You hurriedly texted a reply.

You: I’m so sorry! I didn’t send that, my friend was just messing around.

Expecting the worst, you braced yourself for the inevitable. Instead, he sent you:

Jason: Who the hell is that guy?? Jason: Why are you in your underwear??

Your mouth hung open as you stared in shock at the screen. Because you took so long to recover from the shock, he sent you another message.

Jason: ???

Snapping out of it, you texted back.

You: That’s just my friend. Sorry about that! And I’m not in my underwear, it’s a bikini! I’m in Hawaii.

You waited for him to reply, but ten minutes of you sitting anxiously on the turquoise sofa in the middle of the villa listening to the waves of the beach outside from the open doors passed by, and he still hadn’t.

Perhaps he’s busy- wait. There’s no way Jason would be busy. You tried to coax him into a conversation.

You: You can turn off your autocorrect if you want to swear without hassle. Go to your Keyboard settings.

You plopped your phone on the empty seat next to you and dried your hair.

“Ugh, come on!” complained Natalie, fully clothed and washed, walking towards the open concept kitchen from her room. “You’re getting sand everywhere!”

“Woops, my bad,” you grinned.

“There’s a shower outside on the porch for a reason you know,” she flipped her blond beach waves at you, looking through the fridge.

Alex stood quietly at the kitchen island, now scared to say anything.

You rolled your eyes. “Just don’t do it again.”

“Okay, I promise!” he grinned.

Ding.

Jason: fuck. fuck. fucking fuck. Jason: found it. You: Proud of you, man.

You went to your room and showered, then dried off and put on fresh clothes while waiting for Jason to reply.

Of course, he never did.

Groaning, you had to remind yourself that he was not used to human interaction, and texting would come unnaturally to him. Which meant that you had to be the one to keep the conversation going.

You: Do anything interesting since I left?

You saw him typing almost immediately this time.

Jason: no.

Of course not.

You: Have you been eating properly? Jason: yeah.

God, it was so difficult. You were in the middle of typing something when he replied again.

Jason: yoire not my mom Jason: yoire Jason: YOIRE Jason: FUCK WHY CANR I TYPE

You felt guilty for laughing, but you did anyway.

You: Now that you switched off autocorrect, it won’t correct your typos and misspells anymore. Jason: i fucking knw that. Ive been gone for two yeard not twenty. You: Then why do you sound like a grandpa? Jason: BECAISE YOU GAVE ME A FUCKINF IPHONE!! I USED AN ANDROID!!

Now you were really laughing out loud, so you sent him a GIF of a woman rolling her eyes.

Jason: wtf you can send gifs throug text now?? You: Welcome to 2020, my dude. Jason: im not your fucking dude

Typing a reply, Jason interrupted you once again.

Jason: teach me how to do that

Smiling widely, you found that you couldn’t wait for the next week to pass by so you could go back and see him.

***

“How’s Jason?” you asked the minute you reached the Cave computers, panting from the run down.

“Wow, hello to you, too,” Dick chuckled, spinning towards you on the wheeled chair.

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Bruce and Dick were in front of the computers, discussing a case that had connections to Bludhaven Police Department.

Gone for two weeks, you had a lot to catch up on.

“According to Alfred, he’s doing well,” Bruce answered, “Even started to ask for seconds last week. Now Alfred has been making portions for two.”

“He asked? For seconds?” you gasped. “How?”

“He left a note on the tray two days after you left. He’s been making meal requests, too. Texts Alfred in the morning to let him know.”

“Texted?!”

“Alfred slipped his number on the tray in case Jason wanted anything specific.”

“I slipped mine as well, but he hasn’t texted me yet,” Dick pouted.

“When did he start texting?” you ignored Dick.

“Last Sunday.”

So the same day you started texting him, then.

“He hasn’t texted me,” Dick sighed, looking dejected like a kid who was told Disneyland blew up.

“He’ll come around, Dick,” you offered him a smile, “I mean- he’s already texting Alfred!”

“Yeah,” he lamented.

“Okaaay, nice talk. I’m gonna go see him now, bye.”

You ran to the box, but stopped right before you opened the internal door. After checking your hair with your phone camera, you tried to stifle the butterflies in your stomach.

Ugh, you were so fucked.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

“Yeah,” Jason’s muffled grunt answered you.

Pushing it open, your eyes immediately went to the bed only to find that he wasn’t lounging around reading a book like you expected. Instead, your mouth dropped open when you saw him on the floor, doing push ups.

Shirtless.

Jason had changed drastically during the two weeks you were gone. You noticed that he had definitely gained weight, as well as muscle mass.

“Uh, wh-what are you..?”

He stood up, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.

His muscles were much more prominent and defined now, and he looked like he was going to achieve Dick’s physique if he kept it up for another month or two.

“Welcome back,” he simply said before taking gulps from a water bottle you definitely had not seen before.

“Thanks,” you walked over and sat on his bed, “I’m glad to see that you decided to start taking care of yourself again.”

“What, this? This isn’t for me.”

“Huh?” you cocked your head in curiosity.

“I… I lost a lot of muscle mass. My body- it isn’t how it used to be,” he frowned, “And I can’t have you lusting over it when it’s not at its peak.”

“What- what do you-?” you stammered, suddenly getting hot.

Jason merely smirked and then continued his push ups.

You watched as his developing muscles rippled, a thin layer of sweat making his skin glisten in the light. It was amazing how he had progressed so much in such a short period of time. You guessed that he must have just been occupying his days by working out.

No wonder he’s been asking for seconds.

“Enjoying the view?” Jason breathed, pausing with his arms straightened, his head angled upwards towards you.

“No, shut up,” you looked away.

“Here, be useful,” he started, “Sit on my back.”

“What?”

“I’ve gotten used to my own body weight, I need extra resistance,” he elaborated, “Come on, sit on my back.”

“But it’s all sweaty,” you whined, pretending to protest. Definitely pretending- for the sake of your own dignity.

You got up and went over towards him anyway.

Carefully, awkwardly, you sat on his back as you would a park bench. You rested your palms flat against his sticky skin to stabilise yourself. Suddenly, he dipped down without warning, earning a soft squeal from you.

“Fuck, you’re heavy,” he strained, but continued to do the push ups. He was shakier, struggling with the weight, and after twenty-five, he paused. “Okay, I think I’m done.”

But before you had the chance to get off him, he suddenly stood up, throwing you off his back to have you fall on the floor on your ass.

“Jason, you assho-” you clapped your hand over your mouth, realising what you had just said.

Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

He stood towering over you, his jaw clenching as he stared you down with his cold, blue eyes.

“I’m so sorry! I forgot! It was a reflex and-”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore,” he rolled his eyes, reaching for his bottle.

You blinked. Then scrambled to your feet.

“You don’t care anymore?” you repeated slowly.

“I don’t care if you call me that,” he huffed.

That made your heart swell and melt at the same time.

“I got used to your voice,” he mumbled, expression changing as he looked away. He frowned, as if he was angrily staring at a distant object.

You had just guessed that he didn’t like to be called his name because of a sense of familiarity, but now you were thinking that there was much more to that than what you had originally thought.

“So, I can call you… Jason?” you tested.

“Yeah, call me whatever you want,” he sat on his bed, looking up at you.

You smiled, thankful that you had finally crossed that bridge. “You know, I could get some workout stuff for you? Weights, bands, that bar thing that you can put at your door frame for pull ups…”

“You’d like to see that, huh?” he smirked.

“You flatter yourself too much,” you scoffed.

“How was Hawaii?” he changed the subject all of a sudden.

“It was fun. Beach was great, locals were great, loved the vibe- what are you doing?”

Jason had stood back up and started to walk closer and closer to you, getting all up in your space like a predator finally cornering its prey. You kept on taking steps back until your ass hit the edge of the desk.

Nowhere else to run, your heart started hammering. He leaned in, his hands resting on the desk on either side of your body, trapping you against the table and himself. You looked up and gulped. You could almost feel the heat radiating from his bare skin.

“Are you afraid of me?” he muttered lowly.

“Why would I be afraid of you?” you whispered.

“You tell me,” he said.

“Well, I’m not afraid of you,” you stated.

“Oh really?” he raised an eyebrow. Then, you felt his hand grip your wrist tightly, pressing down on your skin with his fingers. “Your pulse is very fast for someone who’s not afraid of me.”

“It’s because you’re all up in my space!” you argued.

“Didn’t look like you mind when your friend,” he snarled the word, “was all up in your space.”

“My friend? What- oh,” you widen your eyes in realisation, “You mean Alex.”

“Is that his name?”

“Alex is just a friend, nothing more. He’s just someone I’m close to,” you reassured him.

Which then made you think about why you were reassuring him.

“Oh, you were definitely close to him,” Jason growled.

“Wait- are you… jealous?” a smile creeped your lips.

He scowled at you for a few moments, and you could see the little tics in his expression that said he was annoyed. The flared nostrils, the muscles of his jaw clenching and unclenching, the very slight twitches at the corner of his left eye.

“No,” he finally said, taking a step back from you. “I’m going to shower. Since you couldn’t stop staring at me, the invitation is still open for you to join.”

“You know, I’m starting to think that maybe I prefer it when you were broody instead of this. Please go back to your depressive mental state,” you sarcastically replied.

Jason barked out an actual laugh. Though his laugh was odd, like someone who’s only now discovering that humans were indeed capable of laughter, you found comfort in it. It was no longer hysterical and devoid of humor. He was getting better, learning to embrace a connection with someone, and it made you extremely happy.

“Maybe I should,” he answered with a cheeky glint in his eye, “Then that way you can give me more sponge baths.”

He left you alone in his room, flushed and at a loss for words.

***

“I find it very odd that people would yell ‘Batman!’ when they realise you’re there,” you rambled while climbing out of the Batmobile.

You were absolutely drenched from the downpour that had been going on all night. It was 4 am on a friday night and you had just returned from patrol.

Bruce took off his cowl immediately, revealing tired eyes despite the relatively slow night.

“It’s like they’re saying ‘Look at me! I’m here! Please knock me out or hang me upside down from the-’ Bruce?”

Bruce had stiffen, staring at something behind you. You turned around and was shocked to see Jason in the mid-distance, sitting on the ground outside the black box that was his room, leaning against the cool metal.

He himself was staring intently at Bruce, not even sparing you a glance.

You looked back and forth between the two men, sensing a high tension silent conversation.

Then, Bruce’s eyes relaxed and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly in that hardly-there-Bruce-smile.

He gave Jason one stiff nod of understanding, then walked away to the computers at the other end of the cave, leaving you alone with his son.

Jason relaxed as you walked over to him, wringing your hair to squeeze out all the excess water.

“Aw, you waited up for me,” you teased, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips, grinning away.

“Fuck off,” he snorted, “I was bored.”

You noticed him clenching his jaw as he looked at you from top to bottom, eyes lingering longer on the ‘R’ on your left breast.

Ah, it was his first time seeing you in your uniform.

His uniform.

Suddenly, you felt like an imposter in those colors and had the strong urge to rip the uniform off.

You wanted to say something, but Jason beat you to it.

“There were times in that shit hole where I wanted to burn that uniform off my skin,” he grit, “Kept on thinking to myself. I wish I never became Robin. I wish I never met Bruce Wayne.”

Your heart shattered at his confession. It was extremely rare for him to bring up anything related to his two year torture, and the previous times were never in such detail.

Realising you needed to say something, you opened your mouth. “I’m so-”

“Don’t,” he cut you off, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Yes, sometimes you knew that he just wanted you to listen.

You nodded silently and went to sit next to him on the floor.

“It… suits you,” he forced out.

“Hmm?”

“The uniform. It suits you. More than it ever suited me,” he grumbled.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think your ass would look quite nice in green,” you joked, nudging his shoulder with your own.

He chuckled deeply, nudging you back even harder- hard enough for you to lose your balance and topple sideways, earning another breathy laugh from Jason.

***

Another month passed by, and you found yourself falling deeply for Jason- much to your dismay. You knew Jason wasn’t ready for any kind of intense emotions, and that it would take a very long time before he was.

So you swallowed your emotions down, stifling them and hoping it would go away.

The two of you had developed a pleasant friendship, often bickering and joking around, with Jason teasing you about your obvious physical attraction to him.

He also now occasionally waited outside his cube for you to come back after patrol, never really venturing too far from it, and still avoiding contact with both Bruce and Dick. Only you and Alfred had the privilege to speak to him.

Even then, sometimes you would visit his room but only getting a “I’m not feeling it today. Please leave.”

Understandingly, you would nod silently and leave him alone. You knew he still had his bad days, sometimes not eating his meals.

But mostly, he was getting better, both mentally and physically.

With nothing much to do the whole day, Jason was now obsessed with working out and bulking up. He now had a few simple equipment in his room- mostly weights.

You figured that it was a coping mechanism for him, a healthy outlet to channel all his rage and negative emotions into.

But come on. He was getting even hotter and it was making it extremely difficult for you to stop yourself from checking him out, fantasizing about him when he wasn’t around. Still, you couldn’t complain. Even though he hadn’t reached Dick’s size yet, he was very near to it, and his naturally bigger body frame and build made up for the still developing muscles.

Hell, he was now sporting a six pack.

But you knew that he was still not as well as you hoped he would be. The bloodshot eyes he had was proof that he doesn’t sleep well- and you soon found out why.

It was a little past midnight on your night off from patrol, and you were using your break in the best way you could think of- by sleeping. Something woke you up that night.

A soft knock on your door.

You frowned, eyes still closed, wondering who it was.

Bruce would usually knock twice. Strong, clear, and with purpose. Dick would start pounding rapidly on your door, annoying you intentionally. Alfred would give three soft knocks followed by a ‘Miss?’

Your eyes flew open. There was only one other person in the manor.

Throwing your covers aside, you jumped out of bed and rushed to the door to open it.

Jason stood outside your door in the dim lights of the hallway, frowning and running his fingers nervously through his messy dark hair. He was wearing a t-shirt with boxers, standing awkwardly.

“Jason?” you hated how your voice sounded so sleepy. You cleared your throat. “Are you okay? Would you like to come in?”

He nodded silently, and you made way for him to enter before closing the door behind you.

“Sit on the bed,” you told him while jumping back into yours, sitting up cross legged.

The bed dipped when he sat on it, copying your motion and crossed his legs.

You waited for him to say something, your eyes straining to catch his in the dark. But he just remained silent, staring into space and avoiding your eyes.

“How did you know this was my room?” you asked, starting with a light topic.

“Only one that was locked. I already know where everyone else sleeps,” he explained.

“That’s right,” you realised, “I tend to forget that you’re probably even more familiar with the manor than I am.”

“Did you know there’s an old dumbwaiter in Bruce’s room?” you saw him smirk from the shadows that was casted on his face, “I used to hide in there, waiting to catch him off guard.”

“What? Why?”

“Dick and I, we had a bet,” he recalled the memory, “Whoever gets to surprise Bruce first would owe the other a special favor. Only rule was that we had to have it on video as proof.”

You appreciated that moment, the first time he ever spoke about both Dick and Bruce as a fond memory.

“I won, by the way,” he continued, “But- I forgot to press record on my phone.”

“Oh, no,” you groaned for him.

“Yeah, and Dick refused to believe me,” he chuckled, “That old man didn’t want to admit it either. But I swear- the look on his face when I jumped out while he and some model were going at it- priceless.”

Your jaw dropped, and then you burst into a fit of laughter, tears filling your eyes.

“You- you- you jumped out on him while he was having sex?!” you squealed.

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I didn’t even care that it sort of scarred me, because I managed to catch Batman off guard.”

The both of you laughed, his deep voice mingling with your own on that quiet night.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jason,” you smiled warmly at him.

But then, his smile fell.

“I hate my name now.”

“I’m sorry,” you began, “You said it was okay to call you that, so I-”

“No, it’s fine,” he started running his fingers through his hair again, “It’s just- I don’t know.”

“You can tell me anything,” you reassured, “It won’t leave this room. I promise.”

He looked at you, worry in his eyes. “Okay. Fine. Yeah.”

You waited for him to begin.

He took a deep breath. “I’ve been having nightmares. Almost every night. It’s always the same one.”

“You want to tell me about it?” you prompted him after waiting for him to continue.

“I hate my name because he said it a lot. Joker,” he scowled, “After repeatedly burning my skin for my name, it’s like that’s all he said. In that annoying, high pitched, sing-song voice of his. Jason, Jason, Jason. It made me hate my name. It made me hate hearing it.”

“I- I didn’t know how much time passed when I was in there,” he continued, “But, fuck. It was- it was hell. And the worst part was that I kept on waiting for Bruce. Waiting and hoping for him to find me and save me. I was so desperate. You- I-”

He choked on his words. His eyes were squeezed shut and his lips tight.

You wanted to reach out to him, hug him, tell him that everything was okay now. But you didn’t. You waited for him to collect himself so he could finish telling you his story, just like how he wanted to.

“Anyway, I- despite all that,” he sighed, “That was the only thing that kept me sane. I kept on clinging onto the hope that he was out there, searching. And that helped for a while. Until- until that happened.”

He was breathing heavily now, fidgeting more. Jason was definitely getting increasingly agitated the deeper he went.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “Fuck.”

The moment you realised he was crying was when he let out a sniffle. You automatically took his hand in yours, squeezing it as a form of comfort.

“It’s okay,” you told him, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I need to. I have to. I can’t take this anymore. Keeping everything in, I feel like I’m about to fucking explode.”

“Okay, then take it slow,” you said, “No rush. Anytime you’re ready.”

He nodded, eyes still closed, as if he was afraid of letting you see him cry.

“One night,” he began, “I think- I don’t know what was different- but I think something went wrong for him. Or right? That’s how it was. Tormenting me was fun, but it was also an outlet for him. But at the same time when he was happy, he also tortured me. He came to me, and- injected me with some sort of drug. That never happened before. He made sure that my head was clear whenever he hurt me so that I could feel everything he did.”

“But- he did- and- immediately, I felt weak,” he continued, “I mean, I was already weak. But my head. It was cloudy. I remember everything clearly, but it was like my brain couldn’t process it, couldn’t communicate with my body. I felt like I was looking out through a window that was my eyes- like I was in someone else’s body, experiencing someone else’s moments.”

“He released me,” Jason’s voice was now barely a whisper. “He released me from the ropes, and I fell to the floor. And then he- he- fuck.”

He let go of your hand and started pulling at his hair, rocking back and forth on your bed. He was sobbing now, his shoulders jerking up in sharp intakes of breaths. The only thing you could do was to stay silent and hold back your own tears.

You rested your hand on his knee, giving him a textile connection with reality so he doesn’t fall into his own thoughts.

“You- he- he- ruh- ruhp-”

Your heart sank to your stomach in horror as you realised what Jason was trying to say. It was as if you were plunged into icy water, chills running down your spine at the true revelation of what he had gone through in that cursed cell.

“Oh, no,” you breathed.

“He pushed me down,” he choked, “Pushed me down and climbed on top. I- I couldn’t even fight him. I was- I was conscious the whole time and I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t fucking do anything.”

Your tears were falling down now, both at the sight of Jason looking so vulnerable and fragile, and at his confession. Not being able to help yourself, you threw your arms over his neck and crashed into his hard body, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

His arms immediately wrapped around you, clutching you so hard it was painful as he buried his own face into your shoulder.

“And he kept on saying my name,” he said in muffled cries, “Jason, Jason, Jason. The whole fucking time. And- and I knew. He didn’t do it for pleasure. He did it to torment me. He- he didn’t even- he didn’t even finish.”

Jason sobbed into your skin for the next few minutes, his tears soaking through your night shirt. “But I did. Even though it was painful. Fuck, the pain was worse than anything he had ever done to me before. But- he- I- I fucking came.”

The both of you were sobbing now, his ragged breaths mingling together with your own on that quiet night.

His grip on you was tight, as if he thought that if he let go, you would disappear. So he clung onto you with all his might to keep you there with him as he recalled the horrific events.

“That's what broke me. I was so disgusted with myself. I hated myself. And he- he saw everything and- and laughed. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to choke and die. I’ve never seen him laugh like that. And I remember every single fucking moment of being helpless on that fucking floor while he- fuck. Fuck.”

“And then he left. He left me on the floor bleeding and I never saw him again. And I went fucking insane. I tried to kill myself so many fucking times. So many times, I lost count. That’s what I dream about every night. His laughs, and his ‘Jason, Jason, Jason’.”

And that was that. That was the story.

The end of Jason Todd.

The both of you cried long and hard that night in each other’s arms. Eventually, you both lied down on the pillows together, underneath the covers.

“Please don’t tell Bruce,” he whispered to you.

Your head was on his chest, his big arms wrapped around your waist, your legs tangled with his.

You smiled at that. Even with the trauma, even with the sense of abandonment he felt, he still wanted to protect Bruce from knowing the truth.

Because the both of you knew that the truth would kill him.

“I promise,” you whispered back.

And then the both of you fell asleep together.

***

“Has Jason been sleeping in your room with you?” Bruce asked you on one fine Saturday morning at breakfast.

It had been about a week and a half since the first time Jason knocked on your door and poured out his feelings to you.

“He gets nightmares,” you tried to explain.

He thought that if he told you everything, the nightmares would stop. But it didn’t. But he then realised that the only thing that made it better was sleeping by your side, having someone there to wake him up from living his own hell in a loop.

“And do the two of you… Just sleep?” Bruce frowned.

“Yes!” you widen your eyes in horror at the insinuation. “Bruce! Come on!”

“I know you have feelings for him, and I’m sure he does for you as well. But I don’t think something like that is what Jason needs right now,” he stated.

“Yes, I know!” you groaned at the thought having that kind of conversation with him, “Jesus, Bruce. I know. I’m just there to wake him up or help him fall back asleep. Nothing more.”

Bruce nodded, deep in thought. “Has he… told you? About what happened?”

You pursed your lips. “Yes.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Hmm,” his frown went deeper. “I understand. He will tell me when he is ready.”

“Exactly,” you smiled, hiding the fact that Jason may never tell Bruce what happened. Never the full story.

“He still hasn’t left the manor?”

“No,” you sighed, “I asked him if he wanted some fresh air. Just outside the main door, not even going down the steps. But he refused. Told me to, and I quote, ‘Fuck off’.”

“Well, he’s only just left the cave, and it’s just to your room,” Bruce thought out loud, “It’s still progress. Especially since he’s been talking to you about the past.”

“He only spoke about it one time,” you said, “And then never again.”

“I see,” he hummed, “And you’re okay with him sleeping with you?”

“Next to me, Bruce, sleeping next to me,” you corrected.

“Yes, and you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, it’s all good,” you assured him, “I can kick him out any time I want- but I don’t want to. He looks like a lost puppy sometimes.”

“An angry lost puppy.”

You chuckled at that and couldn’t agree more.

*** While Jason got the sleep he needed when he was next to you, it was counterproductive on your end. You had never been with anyone before, and definitely had not slept on the same bed with another man.

So to feel his body heat and breaths against your skin, his occasional light snores, it made your mind go on hyperdrive.

Most of the time, the two of you would just lie down, your back against his front, or your backs against each other, or both on your backs just staring at the ceiling- and talked. You would be the one talking the most, of course, about anything you could think of. You would tell him about your day, your patrols, something you read about online, or the current news.

But that one particular night during week three of him sleeping next to you, the two of you were silent. It wasn’t an awkward or uncomfortable silence, but the kind of silence that was pleasant and was better described as a peaceful quiet.

You had your back pressed against his front and his arm was lazily draped over your waist. It was a cold night, and you were wearing just a tank top and pyjama shorts, snuggling under the covers that went up all the way to your nose.

Shifting a bit while snuggling comfortably, you pressed yourself against Jason’s body to get more of his heat. But then, you were met with something poking against your lower back.

“Ngh, please ignore that,” Jason huffed.

Oh.

For some reason, you forgot that Jason was a physically healthy male who was capable of having sexual thoughts and feelings. All this while, you thought you were the only one.

“Are you- uh- is that- uh-” you stuttered, feeling your face flush with heat.

Feeling your body suddenly alert with excitement.

“Yes, it’s my fucking penis,” he grit almost angrily, “What, never heard of an erection before?”

“Of course I have!” you argued rather defensively, “It’s just- I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Why?” he demanded, “You didn’t think I could get it up or something?”

“No, of course not!” you denied, “It just didn’t cross my mind, that’s all.”

A pause. Then-

“Well,” he sighed, “You wouldn’t have been wrong.”

Your mind blanked for a second.

“What do you mean?” you asked softly.

“It’s my- fuck- it’s my first time,” he confessed.

“Your first time getting an erection?” you gasped.

“No, you idiot,” he snapped, “It’s my first time getting hard since… since… then.”

Oh. Oh, you were an idiot.

“It’s just- after that- even when I was downstairs, alone and safe, I- I couldn’t,” he told you, “I kept on thinking back to that time and- and I couldn’t. I found it disgusting.”

And immediately, like someone doused you in cold water, any feeling of horniness you had when you first felt his erection against you disappeared. You just felt so sad for him, but also angry. Angry that he had to go through all of that, and angrier that there was nothing you could do about it.

“So, why do you think you’re getting it now?” you asked. Perhaps talking about it in an objective manner would help guide him through his thought process.

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffed, “You’re fucking pressing your ass against my dick, what did you think would happen?”

“Wait, what?” your eyes widen, “You’re hard because of me?”

“No shit,” he said, “You’re hardly wearing any clothes, too.”

You shouldn’t feel happy due to the circumstance and context, but there you were ecstatic that he found you attractive enough to pop a boner after so long.

“Fuck,” he sighed, suddenly pressing himself closer to you.

His hand that draped over your waist when to actually grip it. Then, then, he grinded his hard on against your ass.

“Mmm,” he rumbled deeply, “Feels good.”

There. That was it. You were once again flooded with the feeling of heat that pooled at your stomach, a tingling sensation started at your core. Feeling hot despite the low temperature of the night, you clenched your thighs together, needing the slight pressure.

“Yeah?” you whispered.

“Yeah,” he grinded on you again, and then unexpectedly let out a chuckle.

“What is it?” you smiled, loving it whenever you heard him laugh.

“I thought… For the longest time, I thought I was broken. That he broke me,” he revealed, “I thought I needed to get all Wingardium Leviosa on this little fucker.”

“Oh my God,” you laughed and groaned at the same time, “You’re so fucking embarassing.”

He laughed along with you and continued. “But now I’m hard and- and horny. You made me feel like I’m normal again. Like I’m sixteen again, and getting horny over everything.”

Sometimes, we take the normal things for granted. Food, shelter, clothes. In this case, it was a goddamned boner. In a way, Jason’s erection was symbolic- however funny it sounded. Getting your sexual appetite and need back after being so traumatised was a massive leap for many people who had experienced the same thing.

It meant that Jason was healing well.

“Does that make you happy?” you asked.

“Not particularly,” he admitted, “But I’m definitely not sad either.”

“That’s good enough for now, then,” you beamed.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

Another few moments of silence. You could feel it, his cock pushing into you. However tempted you were to push back and grind, you held yourself still.

“Uh, Jason?” you voiced.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to like, take care of it?” you asked, “I mean. My bathroom is available. Or- there are many empty rooms.”

“No,” he simply stated.

“No?”

“No.”

“It’s kinda poking into me.”

“Just ignore it.”

“Ignore it?” you gaped, “How can I ignore it? You’re literally pressing it into my ass.”

“Well, then do you want to take care of it?” he teased.

You couldn’t argue back. “Fine, I’ll ignore it.”

He chuckled. “I’ll turn around.”

When he made the movement, you suddenly grabbed him by the wrist. “No, it’s fine. Stay here.”

You expected him to tease you like he usually would, make a crass comment, or even a ‘fuck off’.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around you again in silence, and the both of you drifted to sleep.

***

“Do you think this color suits me?” Natalie asked, holding up a floral red dress.

The four of you were at the mall in Diamond District. Now that high school was over, and everyone would be going off to separate colleges in a few months, you tried to spend time with each other as much as you could.

“Any color suits you, Nat,” you rolled your eyes, “You’re hot stuff.”

“Jesus, it’s like you’re shoving it in our faces at this point,” Sarah added, flipping her brunette hair to the side, tight curls flowing down.

“Aw, you guys,” Nat pretended to tear up, “I’m gonna miss you guys so much!”

“Not again,” Alex groaned, “We’ve been through this so many times.”

“I’m gonna be so miserable without you guys,” Natalie continued on, ignoring Alex’s interruption.

“I don’t know,” Sarah shrugged, “I think I’d enjoy New York. I can have pizza parties with the rats in my overpriced apartment.”

You chuckled at Sarah’s joke. Everyone was leaving Gotham except you. Deciding to continue with Robin, you opted for Gotham University- prestigious, old, and most importantly, close to home.

Your phone dinged in your pocket. You opened it to find texts from Dick.

Dick: OH MY GOD. Dick: I’m at the Manor. Dick: Was going to the Cave gym to work out. Dick: AND Dick: JASON IS HERE!!! WHAT DO I DO?!?!

That was new. Jason would usually just use whatever basic equipment he had in his room to work out. The fact that he was at the Cave’s sparring area where all the other fancier work out equipment were was out of the ordinary.

You: Just go. See if he reacts. If he suddenly stiffens and just stay there not doing anything, then leave. If he continues on, then it’s okay to stay- but don’t initiate anything! Dick: OKOKOK

You waited anxiously for Dick’s update. All four of you were now walking towards the food court, but you hardly listened to their bickering. Forty-five minutes passed before Dick texted you again.

Dick: OMG HE TALKED TO ME You: What did he say? Dick: He asked me to pass him his towel. You: That’s all he said? Dick: IT’S PROGRESS OKAY!!

Dick was right. It meant that Dick was now the third person Jason had spoken to. Adding another person to his list of contacts was definitely progress.

You were happy for him.

You:Is he still there? Dick: Nah he left Dick: But WOW he’s looking good. He must have been really going at it. I think he might get bigger than me soon You: All he does now is work out. He’s obsessed. Dick: Yeah I can tell

You decided to leave it at that for now and try to concentrate on your friends, but Dick sent another message.

Dick: ARE YOU TWO HAVING SEX?!?!

You spat out your drink, earning weird looks from everyone.

You: DICK!!!! WTF NO!!

Dick never replied.

***

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Jason asked, his voice breaking the silence of your dark room. The two of you were on your bed, lying down and staring at the ceiling.

“Of course,” you said. It didn’t matter to you what Jason asks for. He hardly ever asked for anything.

“Could you… Take me out tomorrow?” he requested, “If you’re not doing anything else, that is.”

“Uh, sure!” you nodded, surprised. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere,” he shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, okay,” you hesitated, “But- are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to go so far so quickly. Maybe you should start with just going to the backyard?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” he insisted. “I’m not a kid.”

“Okay then,” you agreed. “Tomorrow.”

You kept on glancing anxiously at him the next day as he climbed into the passenger seat of your car. He was quiet, but looked perfectly fine.

Switching the engine on, you drove out of the garage and out the large automatic gates. Trees soon surrounded the lonely road on both sides as you descended downhill into town.

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“I thought Robinson Park would be nice,” you said. It was around three in the afternoon, yet Gotham was dark as though the day was ending. It was cloudy, skies grey and wind blowing.

“You’re taking me to a park?” he scoffed.

“It’s more quiet than anywhere else,” you reasoned with him, “Less people. Spacious. Lots of greenery.”

“Whatever.”

Reaching the parking space of the park, you noticed that there were a few cars. Mothers and nannies liked to bring children out to the park around that time. Joggers and teens, college students and retired elderly seeking a little escape from the high rise buildings of concrete and glass.

You turned the engine off and proceeded to open the door, only then noticing Jason stiffening. Looking over to him, you saw that his eyebrows were pulled down in a deep frown, his jaw clenched, his hands in fists on his knees.

You didn’t say anything or make any comment. Leaning back into your seat, you waited until Jason was ready.

About five minutes passed before he took a deep breath, gave you a nod, and then opened his door.

The two of you walked along a path at the park, going deeper inside and further away from your car. There were a few joggers around, some tourists, and some teens taking photos. You saw a group of kids in the distance playing frisbee, and the others were walking their dogs.

An empty bench stood in the middle of the park, overlooking a clearing. You headed there, Jason following closely behind.

“It’s a bit gloomy today,” you pouted, “As if Gotham could be anything other than that, of course.”

You looked at Jason.

He looked like a scared dog being brought out for the first time.

His jittery knees were bouncing rapidly, his wide eyes were darting at every movement, his forehead was covered with a thin layer of sweat, and his breathing was heavy.

“Woah, woah,” you reached out to him, putting an arm on his back. “It’s okay. I’m here. Just listen to me talk, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he gulped.

“Try to calm your breathing,” you instructed, “Deep breaths, Jason. In… out… In… Out… Yeah, see that’s great.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, now calmer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled warmly, “You’re doing just fine.”

“No, I’m not,” he strained, “I feel like everything is too big. Too vast. The fucking sky looks like it’s going to crash down on me and at the same time suck me up into a void.”

“And despite all you’re feeling right now, you’re not breaking down or anything, are you?” you tried, “You’re okay, Jason. This is progress.”

“I guess,” he sighed, “I’m just- I’m so used to having four walls and a ceiling. Now everything feels too big.”

“I understand,” you empathized, “Whenever you want to go back, just say the word. Or we can even just go and sit in the car. No problem.”

“Yeah, okay, let’s do that,” he stood up.

The walk back to the car was faster.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking pathetic,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

“No, you’re not,” you reassured him, “That was great, Jason. Come on, it was your first time outside in two years and a half. Cut yourself some slack.”

“I’m so fucking broken,” he choked.

“Don’t say that,” you scolded, “You’re not broken. And you know what, even if you think you are, we can always fix it. Baby steps. Maybe we can do this once a week. We were out for like, ten minutes? Next week we’ll try fifteen. How’s that sound?”

“Twice a week,” he stated, “I just want to be normal again.”

“Okay, twice a week, then,” you agreed, “We’ll try again in a couple of days, okay?”

“Okay,” he paused, “Thank you.”

“No problemo,” you grinned, “Would you like to stay here a bit longer or shall we go back?”

“Let’s go back.”

“Wanna stop by the diner? You can wait in the car while I ask for a take-away?”

“...okay.”

***

Jason and you had gone out twice more. Once three days after the first time, and the other a week later. The second time he went out, he lasted twenty minutes, though you were sure he was being stubborn on his part. He looked like he was having a heart attack, but he insisted on staying until he hit the twenty minute mark.

The third time, he was much much better. Surprisingly so. The two of you sat down on that bench for half an hour, with you even leaving him alone for a few minutes to get two ice cream cones.

After that, you took him for a drive around the city. He seemed to be more comfortable in the car, so you went all the way from Robinson Park to Diamond District, and back to the manor.

Bruce seemed very pleased with your update, and you swore you could see him actually smile.

“Thank you,” he had told you. “You’ve done more than I could have ever asked of you.”

“It’s no problem, Bruce. Really,” you reassured him.

“I’m his father. He is my responsibility. It’s my fault he’s even in that state. I wish I could do more for him,” he said solemnly.

“The fact that you understand what he needs is more than helpful, Bruce,” you smiled, “Not many parents can do that. You understand and respect him. That’s enough for now.”

He simply nodded.

Ever since your scheduled outings, Jason had become more and more relaxed whenever he was in the manor. He now walked to the kitchen on occasion to mess with Alfred while he cooked meals for him, sometimes sitting in the living room lounging on the couch while reading. Most of the time, though, he was down at the sparring zone of the Cave, working out.

But at night, he would never fail to knock on your door.

And at that particular night, you found yourself in the same situation again while lying down on your side with your back to his front, for the fifth time.

“You officially have to stop calling yourself broken,” you grumbled, “Because that thing poking into my ass is definitely not broken.”

He chuckled lowly. “You complaining, sweetheart?”

Oh, and yes. Jason now had started calling you ‘sweetheart’. Why? You had no clue. It was just a thing that happened. The look on your face when he first slipped it in was probably a sight to behold.

“No shit, I’m complaining, Jason,” you groaned, “You haven’t jerked off, yet? Not even once?”

“Nope,” he popped the P, “I just… I don’t want to… I don’t want to come.”

You sighed, understanding the situation. He had been disgusted with himself because he had ejaculated when Joker… Well, that. You hated to even think about it, so you always shoved the thought away.

“But unfortunately for me, I still get super horny,” he rumbled deeply, pushing his hips into you even more, “So fucking horny.”

“And then I have to suffer,” you complained.

“I can assure you, blue balls are more painful than something poking into you,” he bickered.

“It’s not that…”

“Then?”

“I get horny too, come on man,” you whined, “I’m a hormonal teenage girl. What did you expect?”

“You get horny too?” he whispered after a pause.

“Uh, yeah,” you admitted nervously. Somehow, the mood shifted, and your heart started drumming against your chest.

“Because of me?” he asked.

“Not you specifically, I mean,” you tried to back track, “You’re… Your dick pressing up against me like that, I mean, come on, Jason.”

“Simple question sweetheart,” he told you, “You get horny because of me, yes or no?”

You gulped. “Yes.”

Fuck, why did you say yes? You could have lied. You could have not answered.

“Yeah?” he breathed. You noticed that his hand was now on your hip, right above the waistband of your sleeping shorts, drawing circles onto your skin with his thumb.

You were nervous. The butterflies in your tummy was not helping you calm down.

“Yeah,” you squeezed your eyes shut, as if to protect yourself from anything he had to say.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping your hips and grinding his hard on against your ass even more. And did it… Fuck, did it get even harder?

Afraid of saying the wrong thing, and also out of nervousness, you remained silent. Jason’s chest rose and fall against your back, his respiratory rate increasing. His pinky finger slid underneath the waistband, testing the waters before slowly slipping his hand into your pants.

He went in so slowly, as if waiting for you to tell him no, to rip his hand away, to wrench yourself away from him. But you never did, so he went in deeper, caressing the skin beneath your pelvic bone, his heat just burning into you.

“You’re not wearing any underwear,” he commented, voice suddenly husky.

“I don’t wear them to bed,” you informed him.

“You mean to tell me,” he growled, “That all this while I’ve been sleeping next to you and you never had your panties on?”

“It’s more comfortable that way,” you mumbled.

“Jesus Christ,” he cursed. “Thank God I never knew. Would have been torture, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“Jason,” you gasped.

“It’s true,” he said, “Damn, sweetheart.”

He went lower, closer to your center.

Your core was tingly, small pulses of electricity buzzed through your body as Jason came closer and closer and closer and-

He slipped his hands between your closed thighs and cupped you.

“Mmm,” he moaned softly, “Warm. Fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?” you laughed, even though you felt like screaming on the inside. Screaming for more.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, burying his face into your nape, taking a deep breath. “You smell nice.”

Oh, shit. You totally forgot about Jason’s aversion to strong smells.

“I’m sorry!” you quickly apologised, “I can switch to an unscented shampoo as well so it wouldn’t be too strong for you.”

“It’s fine,” he said, “I like it on you.”

He ground his hand into your center harder.

“Mmpf, Jay,” you breathed, “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “I’ve never touched a girl like this before.”

“Really?” you widen your eyes in surprise.

“I was kept in a cell for two years, I couldn’t exactly talk, let alone touch, anyone can I?” he quipped.

“Right.”

“Teach me,” he said.

“What?” you whispered despite knowing what he meant.

A pause of silence. A deep intake of breath, a slow exhale.

“Teach me how to touch you,” he purred.

Fuck, you felt like exploding.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Yes. If you… If you want to.”

Your mind quickly tried to analyse the situation. Bruce had specifically said that Jason didn’t need any complicated matters in the relationship. It made sense. You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason with any confusion or uncertainty.

But at the same time, you’ve been figuring out how Jason thought, bit by bit. He’s told you many times that he just wanted to be normal again, to feel normal, to do normal things. And this was something that was normal, that he should do, that he wanted to do.

And you knew that he probably would take the rejection even worse.

“O-Okay,” you agreed.

Slowly, you separated your thighs, raising the one on top and hooking it over his legs behind you. Due to your shift in position, you felt the minute Jason’s fingers dip slightly into your folds.

“So, uh, this is my first time with a guy as well,” you squeaked, “But I’ll try to guide you.”

You licked your lips.

“Uhm, well, I guess you can start by running a finger up and down between my- oh! Yes, just like that.”

His middle finger slid down to your opening, and then up again slowly. His movements were uncertain, brushing only slightly against your clit unintentionally.

It was different, having someone else touch you. Somehow, despite the inexperience, it just felt better.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, “You’re so fucking wet. Do you usually get this wet?”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “No? Yes? I don’t know! I can’t feel it.”

“Shit.”

You let him play with you some more, his fingers sliding up and down, sometimes pressing against your fleshy parts, sometimes circling and gathering your wetness, sometimes just parting your lips. Hell, he even tapped the tips of his fingers on you randomly or brushed into your delicate fuzz. You knew he was just exploring, feeling you for the first time.

And that thought made you smile and sigh.

“Teach me how to make you feel good,” he rasped.

“Uh, so your fingers are wet, right?”

“Yeah. Because you’re leaking all over them.”

“Okay, good. Now find my clit. It’s slightly above your finger, okay, to the left a bit. More. Okay, there! Yeah, right there,” you sighed, finally feeling that delicious pressure.

“Here?”

He tapped your clit.

“Ah!” you moaned, “Yes- but don’t just- nevermind, just gently circle it. Clockwise.”

He obeyed, and hell since when did Jason just obey?

He circled you gently, like you said. But he also went so, so slow.

“Faster, Jay,” you panted.

He went faster, making you groan in pleasure.

“Like this, sweetheart?” he muttered, his voice low and cracking, and sexy, and husky. You’ve never heard him sound like that before, and it drove you wild.

“Yeah,” you breathed, “Yeah, just like that. Fuck.”

“Feel good?”

“So good, Jay. Press a little harder now- fuck. Fuck. Yes, perfect. Just like that.”

The pressure built as his fingers did their magic.

“You- you’re surprisingly good at that,” you stuttered, “You sure- mmm- you sure you’ve never done this before?”

“Despite what you think,” he husked in your ear, warm breath tickling you. “I’m very good at following instructions.”

“I can see that.”

“But I’m also good at improvising.”

“Wha- oh. Oh. Fuck! Jason! Oh my fucking god!”

He started pressing even harder, and going even faster, throwing away the slow build you were going for and instead pushing you towards orgasm fast and hard, as if he was determined to prove something to you.

“Feel good, sweetheart?” he purred, “You gonna come soon?”

“Oh my- fuck, yes! Fuck, don’t stop!”

“You want to come for me?” his deep voice rumbled.

“Yes!”

What the hell? When did he learn how to talk like that?

Because with the mix of his heavy pants, his low voice coaxing you, his barrage of pleasure at your clit, you felt the familiar tightening of your core. You threw one hand back and found his hair. Running your fingers through them, you gripped them tight and pulled.

You pulled on his hair as he forced the orgasm onto you.

“Oh my God. Jason, I’m gonna- fuck- I’m- fuck- ah!”

You moaned loudly as you felt your walls flutter, clenching over nothing as you reached your high.

“O-okay, stop, fuck,” your hand went from his hair to his wrist, stilling him. He withdrew his hands from your pants, and went to grip you tight again by the waist.

“Fucking hell, sweetheart,” he groaned, grinding into you. You pushed your ass back, feeling his hardened length against your flesh in your post-orgasm bliss. “Jesus, that was so hot.”

“That was- yeah,” you giggled, “Fuck.”

His face was still buried in your neck. You could feel his lips on your skin.

“Uhm, I can, you know,” you sputtered, “Try to help you out?”

“It’s fine,” he breathed, body still tight against yours, “Just go to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” you asked again, feeling guilty that he didn’t get off. “I don’t mind.”

“I do,” he said, “It’s okay, sweetheart. That was great. I enjoyed that. I told you, I don’t want to come.”

“Okay,” you sighed.

“Go to bed.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

“Fuck, I’m so horny.”

“Jason,” you whined, “Really, I can help-”

“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, “Goodnight.”

You pursed your lips.

“Goodnight.”

[jcfoxington]

@sambambucky​ : “pls... Pastels, Peaches and Pain??? among us first draft??? marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts (it’s not an au!?!??!)

hi jo !!! Pastels, Peaches, and Pain is one of those sambucky wips i have mostly fully fleshed out in my head because of one (1) extreme moment of clarity after a rogue ‘what if’ tangent thought but havent written anything of yet out of restraint / knowing i need to finish at least one of my current sambucky wips before i start it or none of them will get done

this was the rogue tangent thought: “what if Sam is haunted by Figaro’s ghost and has been since he was a kid?”. i’ve changed the ghost cat to not be Figaro but that’s the premise !

i refer to the fic as the cat fic ‘cause the whole plot is based around sam’s ghost cat companion insisting he adopts nat’s cat Liho after endgame and then Figaro later and then [insert redacted because plot spoilers but just know it relates to Alpine]. no im not projecting my feelings about cats idk what youre talking about 

here’s some note snippets just for you:

the cat, inexplicably, takes a liking to bucky, which is really annoying bc sam doesnt know how to explain to him that all the oddly soft gusts of wind are actually sam's dead cat insisting on getting pats

bucky getting shade thrown at him by said ghost cat during all of tfatws + them making up (and not out. yet)

starts when sam's a kid & follows him as he grows up w/ a ghost kitty as a companion only he can see & interact with + angst with an undertone of comedy + getting together

he whispers to ghost kitty, who simply mmrrs happily

for the among us first draft thing, what basically happened is i saw this tweet and this video and my brain latched onto these dynamics so hard i had to write about them. 

here’s a sketch of my two main imposters, Black (left) and Cyan (right):

and here’s a snippet:

The thing having Cyan pause and stare out at the asteroid field is how the colors stretch to family. When they and Black came aboard, they had thought every crewmember was an adult working on the planet-change project. That the patch of off-white with a black something-pattern-or-shape signified status. In a way, Cyan supposes it does, but just not the way they expected. They had expected it to show what rank an individual held within the hierarchy of the crew, from deckhand to division leader to captain, not to show that you're family of the crew and not actually part of the crew itself. 

There are innocents on this ship. Children. It was not something any of them had anticipated, and not something Cyan had been prepared to deal with. They and Black boarded this horrible place to eradicate a threat, believing each and single one of the humans were accomplishes and dedicated to the goal of destroying Cyan and Black's species, and their planet. But, now?

marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts... doesn’t have a wip title or seperate document for itself yet cause it’s been stuck in my ‘story ideas’ document since its creation. so ‘marvel meets warframe meets a bunch of tumblr posts’ is literally just me describing the vibe of an original world gjkerfkds

the world came to be for two reasons. firstly, i want to do make take on a superhero universe because the plot and complete lack of communication in both the dcu and mcu piss me the fuck off. secondly, needed a place to dump ocs with elaborate backstories or fantasy / sci-fi abilities that dont fit into any of my existing worlds

which sounds super competent but trust me, it isn’t. it didn’t gain any solidity at all until i decided to do a personal ‘how different can i make spn castiel look & still retain the same vibe?’ challenge. i have my own cas now

however, the reason i said ‘marvel meets...’ is because i’ve snagged a couple of different things from the mcu, most notably: enemies to reluctant coworkers to lovers, yes our best friend have the same name. no they’re not the same person, secret evil org is controlling the government, and the assassin that tried to kill you several times is now your best friend

warframe was added to the world because i got attached to my Volt build, gave them a name, and have some headcanons idk what to do with because i refuse to interact with that fandom. also because the friend i made through discussing warframe lore + plot dicked me over so it feels Bad to create for

the glue to this whole mess is that one “in every friend group there’s a mean bisexual, an even meaner lesbian, a she/they, a he/they, a himbo, an astrology bitch, a short king, and a token straight” tumblr post. my main group of superheroes ala the avengers consist of these people. the token straight is the only one i havent figured out who is yet

ever since i figured that out ive been throwing story / character ideas and weirdly specific aesthetics from popular tumblr posts into this world’s notes. here’s some examples:

sword grandmas

that trope where someone’s really nice and acts super well-adjusted to society but then they do something super whack and dangerous and you realize ‘oh they’re secretly a little bit insane, actually’

anti-gay group’s leader’s wife leaves him for another woman

superhero who swore to be the best hero [city / planet / solar system / continent / ????] has ever seen ever since he lost his wife. not because she’s dead but divorce just sucks & the hero-to-be is terrible at coping

dishevelled swamp witch

that one person who runs around with an amulet all the time & isn’t aware it’s cursed

an exasperated, tired superhuman assassin running after their husband and their husband's best friend. their husband and said husband's best friend both have wings. chaos ensues (yes, this one is a sambucky post)

ask me about my WIPs!

BONUS:

@sambambucky​​ : #i want to have a coffee and listen to synopses of all of these.... #i miss the discord wow #WRITING TAG #waitttt time jumping dream movie? lmao I'VE READ THIS LIST FORTY TIMES and every time i rediscover something i wanna know about #outfit doodlesss ugh i need to go

couldnt not respond to your tags because they make me go ghrkjfnerknf but in the good way. we miss you too jo !!

the time jumping dream movie was one of the first vivid dreams i had and the whole thing was so stupidly coherent and whacky i had to write it down. it grew plot, a queer love dynamic, weird sci-fi apocalypse elements, anti-military propaganda, questionable science, and a sequel while i wasnt looking and now i just. have to make it a real movie or i’ll combust

outfit djoodlles.png is only on there because my best friend sent me a ‘draw this outfit’ meme and space kitty, my current character brainrot, stole all the outfits for himself. otherwise, that file just sits there until im feeling like designing an outfit or wanna see how a stupid thing looks on my oc patrick

here’s one of the two poses-to-doodle-outfits-on of space kitty ive made so far:

and here’s one of those stupid things on patrick (that then turned into an actual outfit of his because i have no self control):

[spadesinglasses]

Love Victor (series)

oooh new format for this post let’s get into itttt.

Below are my reaction per episode. I will be writing them as i finish each so its more clear and fresh and all that jazz.

Let’s see if tumblr posts has a word count limit.

lol wrong title earlier X_X

Note, the #glassthoughts tags is a reaction tag. Its never a review, or an intellectual essay about stuff I watch. I dont have the capacity to do all those.

Spoilers below so beware. Episode 1 is posted separately because I intend to make posts for the first and last epsiode only but that did not work out lol.

EPISODE 2

it took me a looong time to finish this episode. I kept on pausing it because something just feels so wrong about it. I didn’t know what it was when i was going through it, but when it finally ended it finally clicked.

The episode reminds me of the sentiment most homophobes use against gay people. “If you focus on the emotional part of the relationship, you will be happy with the opposite sex.” Growing up ive heard this phrase used against other people so much. Hearing it in my native language has always been a punch in the gut. 

And now this show who is supposed to be something happy and nice, is just having this kind of phrase of mentality just well up there.

I’m sure that its not Victor’s and that he is just exploring his sexuality. But the usual tinge of homophobia whenever he talks that he might be like Simon is honestly grating.

It’s definitely a me issue because other people seem to be enjoying the series immensely, but whenever Victor gets into that headspace, I just hear my child self crying myself to sleep because of internal homophobia.

Also i can see why people say  that for a show that is supposed be about Victor’s sexuality and growth, it does sure show a heck lot of heterosexuality of those who are around him.

Maybe in the future i will rewatch the series again with a more patient mind, but for now, expect me to skip a lot of scenes X_X

End

Episode 3

Okay the audacity of Victor saying “he tries” to be a good friend. Like dang okay chill with the lies. You’re already lying about your sexuality lmao.

Sorry im being very critical and bitter about this show, but i must persevere for the fanfics and fanarts i will gorge myself into later.

anywho reaction time!

Mia and Victor would’ve been cute if only Victor doesn’t sound like he keeps on enforcing this compulsory heterosexuality he has in mind.  BUT hey he might be Bi people! 

I keep censoring myself because of how bitter and hateful i sound. My apologies for the phrases i forgot to delete above and beyond this line xD.

Anyways im over anything about Andrew. He can go fuck his egotistical self. If the series will show 

Hmm i wonder if the term “Comp Het” will even drop in this series.

Back to reaction,

Honestly Felix is just a lesbian in a man’s body at this point. Making his own shampoo? Like wow give me some of that kind of friend. 

The number of times I rolled my eyes at Andrew is ridiculous. 

Whilst typing this part it was more enforced in my mind that Love Victor is just a “supposedly gayer” Teen Wolf without the wolfing parts.

Lake is Lydia Felix is Stiles Andrew is a walmart Jackson Benji is basically a less grumpy Derek or Danny tbh Victor is Scott

I really hate this idea now.

The parents drama! Honestly, very unnecessary in my opinion. Victor is already dealing with a religious family, now he has to deal with a religious and broken family? Like dang they could’ve just chosen one struggle for him, now everyone will think his sexuality is a consequence for his parents’ sin or sth.

Maybe it’ll play into a bigger plot twist in the future?

Maybe Victor’s mom is cheating with Mia’s father? Seeing as how there was an unnecessary shot of her father with the back of a woman facing on the camera which is weird but okay. 

Im theorizing now X_X

Anyways have y��all seen how poor Felix was so nervous because his goddamn friend isn’t there to supposedly help him?

Sorry im hating on Victor too much but this scene reminds me of how awful Simon’s friends are and like bruuuh is Felix supposed to be the lead character?

He really is like Stiles who is supposed to be the lead for Teen Wolf in my opinion, he’s just a much better written character that Sc/tt

lmao sorry my issues with other series is bleeding into this one X_X

End

Episode 4

Not much to say without getting too salty so moving onnn.

End

Episode 5

This series is just showing all the fear and pain i went through and am going through back when I was a teenager and til now. Without getting into any personal stuff, that last bs Victor’s father spewed just hit me so much.

I guess one of the reasons why its hard for me to watch Love Victor is because it shows me the teenager side of me way back when. Minus the girlfriend one because i never really persevered that much to tamper any likes for men. Internal homophobia really hit me back then tho xD

End

Episode 6

This episode is a mess and I hate it.

We saw yet again Victor literally using Felix’s ignorance and naivety to get himself out of a situation he put himself into. 

AND Felix even got the wrong idea or got fed with the wrong idea that the reason why Victor brought him along is to act as a buffer because he wasn’t ready to give up being a virgin or have sex in general. Yep that is definitely the reason, no other reason at all that involves making latte art with a known barista.

Lake and Felix kissed so there was that. I still am shipping Victor and Felix together despite Victor’s continuous bs with him being a good friend, but that’s just me.

And totally knew Andrew and Mia got a thing. If this blew up and hurt Lake im suing.

Lake and Felix are literally the two people keeping this show intact. Not gonna drop some political statement here no sir.

Again Benji needs to grow a personality out of this whole barista thing. One thing i am grateful for this show is that there was no family drama at all!

I think.

End

Episode 7

UGHHH MISS ME WITH THAT NORMAL TALK.

Ive been making a conscious effort to stop saying that heterosexuality is normal. That shit is hard to unlearn because its what ive always heard in my asian household for yeaaaaaaars. And now this twink is just gonna throw the term around like he has no issues with it. TO SIMON EVEN.

Like brooooooh. Im over my 2010 internal homophobia, no need to dig it all up again. Every episode.

Aww the dancing in different clothes is cute but,

FUCKING VICTOR LIED JUST FOR WHAT?

Homeboy be doing the most to keep his fucking sexuality from bursting out, with his foot both planted firmly inside the closer AND THEN THE NEXT SECOND would end up as if he is ready to risk it all just to see Benji naked.

I AM FUCKING livid, confused, and just intense emotion everywhere.

Ive seen a couple of dumbo scenes from other shows that got the “closeted” man be doing literally the most obvious shit that could make anyone catch them, BUT THIS, with how VEHEMENT Victor is against being “NOT NORMAL” AND THEN LIE JUST TO STAY IN A MOTEL WITH THE GLORIFIED HOT GUY, takes the goddamn cake.

The fucking hypocrisy man. Ive battled internal homophobia before, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY but holy fucksticks. I’m not this evil.

The thing is, there is so much a person could do that you could go “ah its because they are in the closet and is afraid to come out” before it goes to the territory of “fucking hell, this is not just about his sexuality, this is just him now doing stuff consciously to take advantage of his supposed fear”. The girlfriend thing is even waaay over the top, but we all went with it because he’s supposed to be figuring things out. BUT most of the time, he literally could not even imagine going beyond the line HE CREATED for their relationship. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE WILL LIE JUST TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A GUY? Now he wants to test the male side of his sexuality? BECAUSE PORN DOESN’T EXIST?  BECAUSE LOOKING AT MALE UNDERWEAR MODELS IN THE UNDERWEAR SECTION IS NOT ENOUGH? HE NEEDS IT TO BE ACTUALLY PHYSICAL TO CONFIRM SOMETHING?

Im ahead too much, real time the scene im in the episode is still them about to leave the shop but holy fucking hell. If this lie ended up becoming something more in this same episode, expect more capslock because jfc.

And people will still claim he’s somewhat attracted to the other gender. 

AND SOMETHING DID HAPPENED. ANDREW AND MIA KISSED

FUCKIN VICTOR

Also i was very very worried that Pilar and Felix will be a thing BUT THANK GOD THAT DIDN’T BECOME A THING. Still unsure whether i like Lake and Felix together, but i love them individually.

I cant really comment on any of the parents drama because to be honest i skip them whenever its just her and him.

These two fuckers lie to one another. BECAUSE OF WHAT? THEY WANT TO FUCKIN STICK THEIR TONGUES INTO ONE ANOTHERS MOUTH? IS THIS REALLY WHERE THIS SHOW IS GOING? AND THEY ALMOST CENSORED IT BECAUSE ITS GAY? NOT THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF THAT IS HAPPENING?

Im tired.

But i hafta finish the show for fanarts and fanfics.

okay Benji has a legitimate reason for lying. I’ll take that.

See people you see me live writing this whole rant thing :D.

BOY TOOK MONTHS KISSING MIA FOR MIA TO ONLY SAY THEIR TONGUES GRAZE SOMETIMES.

bUT THE SAME GUY JUST WENT LAPLAPAN TO THE MAX WITH BENJI THE ONE NIGHT THEY SPENT TOGETHER?

REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?

Huh I wonder back when I was his age, would I also just kiss the first gay guy i became comfortable with? Despite being so into the closet and battling internal homophobia via punching the walls?

Dang that monologue tho. We as non het doesn’t want our lives to be hard. But at this point, i stopped blaiming my own sexuality and just started blaming heterosexuals for making the world this fucking horrible for us. That’s when my internal homophobia SLOWLY lessen. It’s still there but hey at least every crosshair  is not on me.

Okay i get people saying that Simon is irresponsible for making Victor like put his family on the back burner for a bit etc etc. Also the reaction against Benji getting mad when Victor wanted them to stop being gay while in their house, is reasonable. Victor did calmly told Benji and his beau that his family is stretched thin etc etc. I get that. I get that sometimes hiding your sexuality for other people is what is necessary.

BUT  fucking please recognize how damaging that is to the person you are talking to. Even if you think Victor is in the 100% right about this, AT THE VERY LEAST acknowledge why Benji is mad. Sure he could’ve just left with his boyfriend instead of just staying there. And sure Victor pulled through in the end and put that dusty grandpa motherfucker to his place, but that’ll fucking sting okay.

Also i might be saying all this in a place where I’m not really that close to ANY of my relatives, so ya know, call me ignorant or ungrateful whatever.

END

Episode 8

Okay uhh Mia and Andrew is still a thing APPARENTLY.

AWW BRAM IS CUTE

Lol Simon’s “Yay boobs” like please Victor keep the heterosexual drama out of this chatroom lmao.

Also Felix group texting the others is hilarioussss.

If Victor touches or says one bad thing at Bram? its on sight.

Also Im not sure what to feel with Mia getting jealous at Andrew. Like girl you were the one who said he’s nothing, and now this? Issa bad look honey.

Victor is embarassing. Are all extroverts just this i dunno peppy? 

You know what makes me happy in this episode? Keiynan’s attitude bleeding out to Bram’s character. I love it!

Goddd Keiynan is so hot XD

hahahaha this episode is lighter thank god.

“why would they want to help a complete stranger” because they are good people and surprisingly they still exist! 

Ohhh So it seems like Nick Robinson filmed his scenes for this episode on a different day. Ive never seen him be with the main group. That’s weird.

END

Episode 9

Benji distancing himself because he wants to make his 1 year relationship work? Good guy! Him not saying to his boyfriend about the coworker of his kissing him? Bad move.

Sure we can all talk about how little stuff doesn’t need to be told to your lover if you’re sure its not gonna happen again. The thing is,  communication is key. Y’all will talk about communication being integral in a relationship but keep shit like this in the DL because yOU’RE JUST THAT SURE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN? Fo real?

Also Benji is feeling guilty for a reason.

Vincent is very in the wrong for kissing a taken man just because said taken man is comfortable with him or showed vulnerability. Victor is in the wrong 100% and I’ll never forget that.

Felix and that hug with Victor is adorableeee. Love that coming out scene. Again raising my eyebrows at those who say Victor is Bi.

Felix showing what’s in his apartment is fucking great. No wonder we don’t see his mom or anything. They say that the saddest people are always the one who will do their best to keep everyone happy. Felix is being peppy, have these random phrases he use to just amuse people makes sense.

In this household, we protect Felix no matter what. HOPEFULLY next season we get to fucking know his surname or sth.

Again nothing new with the drama surrounding the parents. I hate them and honestly i am so annoyed by the father’s face and everything. (still have that hatred from One day at  time but we don’t talk about that here)

The letter is stupid and i wonder what Pilar will do about it. Are we gonna get a To All the boys i loved before thing?

OH Felix giving Lake an ultimatum. Wow what a move honestly. On one hand Felix has the right to protect himself. He wants to be free with who he loves, and keeping it a secret stopped being amusing because he knew what it feels like to hide a part of yourself.

Lake’s confidence has been obviously shot and damaged by her mother. Not saying that justifies what she is doing  BUT it came from somewhere. A night with Felix talking to her about his life IS NOT going to just uproot all those thoughts from her mind. As much as i love Felix, he is not a solution.

hmm what else. The father can go die for all i care. Lmao.

END

Episode 10

OH I THOUGHT PILAR KNOWS NOW BUT NOOOO

OH NOOO O NO NO NOOO

AND ANDREW STIRRING SHIT UP NOOOOOO

PILAR STOOOOP

NOO NOT PUBLICLY

OMFG

 I CANNOT.

Also i cannot get over Andrew’s actor looking like Stromae. They have the same eyes, eyebrows and expressions X_X

THIS IS WHY WE DONT KEEP SHIT BEFORE A PUBLIC EVENT. IT ALWAYS EXPLODES ON A PUBLIC EVENT.

YOU BET YOUR ass i skipped the whole confrontation scene. I’ll go back to it maybe or just look at gifs but nope. My cancer rising and moon can’t handle that shit.

Is ... is Mia going to see Victor and Benji together and then theorize? Because god freaking damnit im tired of that plot twist.

Oh Benji. Honey honey honey please don’t do whatever I think you’re about to do.

FUCKING NEW IT. CALLED IT. CALLED ITITTTT MIA FUCKIGN SAW I HATE VERYTHING.

....

wait the way the ending was shot is weird. The cliffhanger is weird. Everything is weird.

ILL MAKE A HUNCH that it was actually just Victor in his dream land thinking that coming out is that easy and that you just blurt it out.

Bet you the next season will start with no body but Felix and Mia and Andrew know about his sexuality.

The shot was too much on Victor. There was no sound cue from the family etc etc.  I hate the ending so much. Love Victor could’ve been so much more. Could’ve pioneered a fresh way to show lgbt stories and how coming out is this and that. Even if the show is for Gen Z and this generation, coming out should reflect to how coming out is generally perceived nowadays. But i guess that was too much. Foolish me for having my expectations waay too high.

The End

[captainderyn]

Deryn’s Full Fic Rec Masterpost

The fanfic writer appreciation day post here reminded me that I’ve been wanting to do a big fic rec post...so we’re gonna do it. It isn’t all the fics I can recommend, but there’s gonna be at least a handful and you can read these author’s works further if you so wish (and hopefully you will wish!) 

*word count only included so that people who want a shorter read can get a shorter read, or people looking for long fics can read long fics~

Complete: 

By the Guidance of the Stars by @greyias : SWTOR, 47,544, F!JK/Theron: Look, Grey is adorable and precious and we don’t deserve such an adorable bean. Exploring the aftermath of Yavin IV, this fic takes a look at what happens between the final battle and the goodbye our characters face and does so with just the right amount of jaunty moments and heartfelt interactions that pull at your heartstrings. 10/10 would recommend. 

Courtship and Lies by @riajade01 : SWTOR, 117,287, F!SW/Quinn: Regency AU! R e g e n c y AU! That should be enough to make you read it but if it isn’t then it is wonderfully written, more Mara and Quinn interactions and plenty of spice to keep things ah, spicy if you will. A really interesting twist of the Sith Warrior story and characters into a blend of SW and history that makes nerds like me very happy lmao. 

Where the Light Doesn't Reach by rosegardenlake on AO3: Voltron: Legendary Defender, 229,972, Shiro/Keith: Read the tags on this! But wow, okay, it’s the high school murder mystery AU I never knew I needed. I consumed this fic, was glued to it with how well it was written, how twisted the story was and how nothing you thought you knew seemed to be right! Would recommend if you like a good murder mystery and some really good angst. 

In Progress: 

Rising Son by @lumielles : SWTOR, 19,329,/ This fic follows the life of Idan Lumielle--eventually a Jedi Consular--with a stunning attention to detail and plotpoints that make you promptly make and/or join the Idan Defense Squad to protect him at all costs. 

Reduced To Ash by @riajade01 : SWTOR, 260,314, SW/Quinn/ Follows the Sith Warrior storyline; constantly melding both personal character points and takes and the canon storyline seamlessly. Just the right blend of spice, angst, and action to keep you reading until oh-god-it’s-3am o’clock

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Weak by dramasweety on AO3: DA,106,460, Dorian/M!Lavellan: Read the tags carefully on this one. A beautiful AU fic exploring the angst of an Inquisitor losing their memory and what it takes to rebuild a relationship that one side doesn’t even remember. Hurts like hell in an amazing way and has some truly tender moments in all the hurt.

Chaos and Opportunity by @inquisitorhotpants :  SWTOR, 259,446, F!SI/Marr: Kryn is a snarky gift upon the universe. Unhappy with canon? Good, canon is merely a suggestion here and it is AMAZING. Glorious amounts of worldbuilding make you scream for what SWTOR’s Empire could’ve had and when we get into the politics--and you guys know I love my political intrigue stories--everything is intricately tied together in a way that keeps you riveted. 

Scenes From the Boundless by @spectrum270 ​: SWTOR, 39,593, M!Smuggler/Risha: Want some jaunty, wholesome character interactions within the smuggler story? Longing for the crew of the smuggler to seem more like the family you’re dying for them to be? Then this is the fic for you! Wonderfully written with references from this world tied wonderfully into the SW-verse it’s a fun read and worth the time! 

Equivalent Exchange by @inyri ​: SWTOR, 189,622, F!IA/Theron: Follows the end of SOR and onward, beautifully written and you can’t help but get attached to--and a little afraid of--Nine. Weaves in some personal flair within the story itself and really builds on character relationships where the game sometimes lacks. And there’s some top tier spice, if that’s a benefit for anyone ;)

Kintsukuroi by @storyknitter: SWTOR, 38,099, F!JK/Theron: A collection of scenes from Fractured Alliances that have one point either made me squee or sob or both depending on which one! Knitter really does angst beautifully and the moments between Sanna and Theron are always so, so emotionally filled that they either hit you like a freight train with feels or melt you onto the floor...with feels. 

a star in another sky by neonheartbeat on AO3: Marvel, 148,348, Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter: Look, I’m not usually that into Marvel or fics but I was on a Peggy and Steve kick after rewatching Captain America: The First Avenger and found this gem. It takes what happens at the end of Endgame and makes it make sense. Want some angst? Bam! Want some wholesome family interactions! Whoo! Are you a history nerd like me and want some research in your fic dammit? Here you go! Worth the read even if you know nothing about Marvel. 

And I’m Your Lion Heart by Lee_Whimsy on AO3: The Hobbit (Movies), 71,701, Bilbo/Thorin: Did the end of the Hobbit make you cry and wish you’d never read/seen it? Good, you can forget it happened here. A beautiful fix it fic where things end up happier, beautifully building on the relationship between Thorin and Bilbo and what the reclamation of Erebor means for them. 

Eternal War by @anchanted-one ​: SWTOR, 40,097, M!JK/Lana: I have not officially finished this fic yet, however, it’s the KOTFE retelling you definitely need. Arro is an intensely interesting character and from what I have read and seen of this fic it is shaping up to keep you riveted and draw you into walking the path alongside him throughout KOTFE. 

The Hands of Fate Are Your Own by @elveny and @kunstpause: DA, 31,196, F!Hawke/Cullen F!Hawke/Isabela F!Hawke/Fenris: I haven’t had the pleasure of reading this fic yet but from what I have read from the teasers posted and the snippets given it is shaping up to be absolutely divine. Writers who can collaborate on a big fic have the dedication beyond measure and I’d truly suggest giving it a read! 

Heat by @elveny: DA, 13,386, F!Lavellan/Solas: Another fic I haven’t been able to sit down and read yet but would highly recommend from the teasers and snippets posted! It’s on my to-read list! 

-

This isn’t my full fic recommendation list, mostly missing a lot of tumblr exclusive prompts, however you can check out my “fic rec” tags and my “other people’s writing” to find some more fics! Hopefully this was helpful to any readers looking for some new material and go show these authors some love!

[sailorshadzter]

author interview.

oh wow, i was tagged by @amymel86 @orangeflavoryawp & SOMEONE ELSE BUT IVE LOST YOUR TAG IN MY SEA OF NOTES. IM SORRY BUT I ALSO ACKLNOWLEDGE YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE. 

thanks so much for the tags, everyone!! :P

Name: Shannon

Fandoms: well, there’s a LOT of them, haha. Jonsa, obviously. but there’s also: hinny / harry potter, inukag / inuyasha, usamamo / sailor moon, zutara / atla, hakyona / akatsuki no yona. ive created a lot of content for those fandoms, but im also into a lot of additional things ive not got around to writing for. 

Where You Post: here on tumblr & ff.net. 

Most Popular One-Shot: oh definitely my JIMSA oneshot. 

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: i dont do these as often anymore, but when winter ends, spring begins is probably my most popular fic. i never got around to posting it here on tumblr & its not finished (lol last updated in feb oops) 

but there’s also the finished in my darkest of nights, you are the light that guides me home which is a hinny fic that was an idea i had a long time ago for a role play. it never panned out so i used it in a fic instead. it’s actually old & someday id like to rewrite it because its kind of awful. but its close to my heart. 

Favorite Story You Wrote: oh! hard to choose!

i’m enjoying working on the role reversal fic, where sansa goes to dragonstone as queen in the north, to meet viserys, rather than jon meeting daenerys. ive been meaning to finish that next chapter. 

BUT i also started one where margaery is alive & comes to sansa at winterfell after they reclaim it from the bolton’s. im excited to continue it. 

however, writing wise, this one shot i wrote using a writing meme is one of my personal favorites. for whatever reason, it turned out really well written (i think) and i was pleasantly surprised when i reread it just the other day. 

Story You Were Nervous to Post: honestly, none haha. 

the worst thing that could happen is something just doesnt get a lot of notes or whatever, but even thats not a big deal to me. 

How You Choose Your Titles: i SUCK AT TITLES. i miss role plays because i could just use song lyrics lmao. sometimes i come up with some really good ones but overall i usually tweak song lyrics or think for days and days and days about it. 

Do You Outline: NEVER. 

Complete: as someone who mostly writes oneshots.... A LOT. like i cant even begin to think about how many ive really written. the story i upload my tumblr jonsa prompts to has 92 itself and i have a separate jonsa prompt story for my own ideas that’s up to 41. and stepping out of the jonsa piece... ive got dozens of zutara & hinny stories like that as well.

it’s a lot. okay. a lot. 

In Progress: i dont like this question LOL

okay ive got so many it’s not even funny. this is why i never look @ my ff.net page because it just shows me how many there really are. 

but alright

ive got: - chapter 4 of the role reversal fic

- chapter 2 of the au where jon is kitn & sansa is married to joffrey in KL 

- chapter 2 of the newest one, where margaery comes to winterfell. 

- chapter 2 of the au where jon is the last targaryen & him 

+ there’s a few i WANT to update. like my mulan / zutara au. & there’s a harry potter au that ive been itching to work on. 

SO YES, A LOT. 

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started: Im one of those people who starts everything. i literally have nothing “coming soon” that isnt already started. this is why i have 65000 projects going all at once. 

Do You Accept Prompts: always! 

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: i know i said it above, but im really enjoying the role reversal fic. it’s getting me out of my comfort zone. 

but im also excited to work on something else. it’s been all jonsa ALL THE TIME (and there’s nothing wrong with that!) and im ready to write for one of my old faves here pretty soon!

this was fun!

i tag: @angrykittykrys @anniebibananie @cat-stark +anyone else who wants to do it because i suck at tagging people lol

[despiteherself]

I'm a multishipper, and I'm not sold on Tuffstrid yet. I've been asking around, and I've yet to find a shipper. then i stumbled upon you. so tell me, why should i ship Tuffstrid? or, why do YOU ship it?

fjhdgdjhfgdf tbh i wasn’t sure how to answer this bc this ask kind of comes across weird? like. 1. its weird to me that u specified it was hard to find a shipper when i am 85% of the tag (both tumblr and ao3 lol) ??? ive been here for like ???5??? years i don’t. surely just looking at the tag would have been easy to find me/someone (and then me bc .... all the tuffstrid shippers are my friends pretty much). 2. idk its odd to me that u want me to convince u or whatever, i mean you don’t need 2 ship it lmao. if u do that’s fantastic i love having more shippers around pls leave comments on my fics thank. and expanding that point: 3. also i have a tag (ive even put it in chronological order for u, altho it looks like posts r missing???) and i have definitely covered this stuff already. when i want to learn abt something new i just. consume people’s content and read fics and not ask ppl to justify their ships lol????? so yeah. noah fence cause i dont mean it but this definitely feels kinda off to me??? a little like you’re asking a leading question

BUT. u r asking me about my favourite topic so 

i think maybe the first important thing to say is. i don’t like h*ccstrid. i don’t like it’s narrative, i don’t like the way astrid’s used as a plot device and this meta outside of the ships is important. fact: astrid was written as a love interest. fact: this is integral to how she’s treated and her change of characterisation. i don’t know what your thoughts of that is, but if you’re with like 97% of this fandom on it, then. maybe that’s what you’re having trouble with? i have many many many issues with the way astrid is treated in this franchise and foremost with any ship i have with her, she needs to stand up as a character on her own. 

(i feel this way about ALL characters. they should stand up on their own without a relationship. ESPECIALLY for women. their characterisation SHOULDN’T be revolving around a man, and ba ba, h*ccstrid fails cause it’s all about hiccup. the hiccup show.)

astrid’s character is built around what hiccup needs in the plot and that’s that. i don’t like that. i don’t like “oh also now she’s a supportive gf and jsut like. is incapable at all the stuff she was training for her whole life uwu” and ppl out here like. wow. that’s growth!! Nah man. that’s a manic pixie dream viking with the personality of soggy bread masquerading as my mean, steady, sure of herself gal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what i want: astrid to be a person outside of a relationship. i want flaws, and i want humanity and i want to start with something new and not fix something broken. 

the point IS and i am running out of steam bc i am exhausted and i have been for literal days and i need to go to bed!!!!!! but. in tuffstrid, these two get to be individual characters. themselves first, and then we get the relationship. 

I LVOE THIS CHARACTRERS SO MUCH AND I WANT THE M TO BE HAPPY AND LOOK.... THEY HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY................................................................................ THEY ARE GOOD FITS OK 

astrid is steady, and sure of herself and kind of a major stick in the mud and tuff is a loveable goofball who slacks off, and astrid needs some of that crazy to let go and be fun and actually have that character growth and tuff needs rountine and structure. they balance each other out. 

thta’s it!!!! that’s my manifesto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

can u not imagine big buff jock astrid and her confused kindness and wonder at tuff’s witty, marshmallow self??????? my fics are my love letters to what i love about them as characters, and their relationship i think checking out my ao3 is better than my later night ramblings. i have a writing tag too. 

also i put that gif there bc there is literally nothing more romantic than the way astrid’s watching tuff balance that knife and her little breath, and fond expression. tuffstrid is little fond moments, all through the series!! they hang out really close once you look. i dont give a shit about forced down ur throat ships (NEVER spell out what i SHOULD ship if u want me to. develop the romance but NEVER tell me bc i hate that). i care about tiny moments, tiny things like the knife scene, and the fact they’re always standing together, and tuff looking at astrid to make dirty jokes, and them sharing tiny stuff! i care about astrid being so adamant that tufff is aware she doesn’t think he’s hideous in direct parallel to how that’s ALWAYS a romantic thing in movies with monsters. tuff calling her milady. tuff defending her. tuff knowing astrid so well he’s the one telling hiccup how to be deserving of astrid. they have so much chemistry it’s right there, and it’s so tantalising and exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ppl feel free to add on stuff u love abt tuffstrid im a mess 

[jooheonbot]

tumblr crush challenge

Rules: post your own favorite blogs to spread positivity and get your amazing blogger-friends some new followers!

oof ok,,,, i was tagged like a billion years ago but!!! im using this as an uh,,, excuse to make a thank you post for some of the amazing people that follow this dumb lil blog and that have made this year great!!! thank you!!! since im stoopid and write a lot im putting all this under the cut

but! before that! i still want to wish everyone a happy new year!!! thank you for making this dumb fuckin site more bearable and like,,, fun!! every single one of you is so cute and precious uwuwuwu i wish you the best

ok so im gonna go,,, uh,, in alphabetical order lmao??? i have barely truly talked to a couple of u but kshfkjdsf idk, i just felt,,,, like writing stuff,,,, about u bc i secretly love u sjkdkdf 

@boo-kihyun hannah!!! it’s been great talking to you and freaking out abt joo, that old fool, and mx in general rknjgkjd. it’s great to have someone to just. yell at when you’re dying at 5am or smth dkfjdkjgkjkl. i know you’re not on here that much but i want you to know that i really appreciate you a lot, and our conversations have been rly fun!! i hope youre doing well and i hope the new year treats u damn fuckin well!!! :*

@festiivebebe ahhh nao!!! you’re so nice!! i rly love your blog and your tags!! theyre such A Mood ksdjhfksd. i love how the 🤧 emoji is literally. yours??? whenever i see it on my dash im like,,, that’s nao,, and when it isn’t im liek!!! WHAT. you’re so cute and you seem like a super nice person uwu!!! ((says a fool who should like, talk to u or smth LMAO im sorry im liek this))

@hyungkyun OOF BINCH. the most annoying lil idiot on this site, probably. my obnoxious ass soulmate.  ugh!!!! it’s been a whole fucking year CAN YUO BELIEVE and yet,,, here we are, being annoying as all hell and talking nonstop wow. i love u sm bih ))): you have become such an important person in my life ): i enjoy talking to u even if it’s about,,, fucking clowns or food or literally,,, whatever lmfao. we rly bicker so much why are we like this jdfhsjdk we never shut the fuck up but im!!! so grateful for that!!! you rly mean so much to me :/ . honestly whenever we don’t get to talk it just ??? feels weird??? idk mayhaps,,,, when that happens i miss you,,,,, i miss a furry i cant believe... smh. guess :/// all thats left to say :///// is that ill love u always no matter what ://// u funky lil vampire cowboy ://// gross lol. i rly do love u a whole! fucking! lot!

@joohanis AJ QUEEN OF JOOBEBES. you are rly!! a fucking icon you’re so nice?? and kind??? don’t let me get started on how gorgeous you are every time you post selfies an angel is born (´:. thank you sm for bringing us quality content and the funniest tags ever, and,, overall,,, a rly nice vibe to this hellsite?? you’re so approachable and charismatic you’re really amazing!! thanks queen.

@kihyussy my one and only sun wife!!! miss ria!!! im so happy that we started talking again!!!  we’re both messes answering,, i promise thatll change on 2k19, now youll never get rid of me 😔! djhghj i rly love all ur messages you’re so entertaining and funyn and witty mdfgdhjfg,,, but you’re also the fucking sweetest!!! as a cancer should be ofc, i love ur soft lil heart 💕💕💕. i cant believe you’re really out there saying im gorgeous when no one is as stunning as you, miss ria wtf!!! ugh you’re such a cutie!!!! ily baby!!!

@prinzelee jazz!!! my beautiful coffee goddess gf!! i probably got the order of that wrong oh my god!!! you are SUCH a gorgeous human being, inside and out. i love your cute compliments and nicknames, and i love how much dedication you put to your writing blog. you really have a heart of gold. you are so kind and gentle, you also work so hard... you deserve happiness and everything good in the world!!! i hope 2k19 brings u peace and good vibes!!! 

@wonho-deactivated MDHDFJDH murr. you’re so fucking chaotic and ilysm for that djfhkjsds. ive honestly laughed out loud reading your messages and your tags bc theyre so fuckign funny how do you even think of all that you’re. fucking hilarious. i love your sense of humor and how you rly are out there living your best libra sun sag rising life!!!!! and being a goth!!! you’re truly an icon, even if you deny ur love for mistre fendiman :// i know the truth. smoochies for you and shermy, ily both!!!

[angelxiu]

get to know me tag

tagged by @byunrelatable​! thank you ari~ 💖

1. nickname: miki

2. gender: female 

3. star sign: libra

4. height: 5′3″ (160 cm)

5. time: 7:22 pm

6. birthday: october 20

7. favorite bands (non kpop): i dont really have any......

8. favourite solo artist: makoto yoshimori is one of my favs

9. song stuck in my head: none bc i listen to to many instrumentals aksjkdf

10. last movie watched: the greatest showman

11. last show watched: life bar of course

12. when did i create my blog: feb 10 2018

13. what do i post: exo and i rb aesthetic stuff too; and minseok love posts....a lot of minseok love posts............

14. last thing i googled: if i can block a post on tumblr or not,,,,,,,,,

15. do you have other blogs: @baekbqsquid​ is my bbh side blog and i actually more blogs (anime blog, a writing blog, etc) but ive been inactive for a while on them so

16. do you get asks: sometimes~

17. why did you choose your url: i want minseok in my url;; thats it;;;

18. following: 111........i need to follow more exo blogs rlly

19. followers: 428..............i dont even know how it got to this number im actually baffled??? thank you??????? im sorry my blog isnt as good you expected though

20. favorite colour(s): black/white, baby blue

21. average hours of sleep: 6

22. lucky number: idk actually but ill say 99 

23. instruments: i used to play a little piano and recorder but not anymore tbh

24. what am i wearing: gray shirt and pants with cat prints on it....wow thats not even intentional or anything??? asjbsah

25. how many blankets do i sleep with: two but since im washing the other one just one for now

26. dream job: a writer probably

27. dream trip: travelling to every possible place i could go in japan and learn its history

28. favorite food: rice. rice is godly and in this house i wont accept any rice slander.

29. nationality: indonesian

30. favorite song rn: we will meet again by mustafa avşaroğlu 

hogwarts house: slytherin

posts: 2,168

when did my blog reach its peak: lmao idk??? did it???

tagging: @xiubyuns​ ; @minsok​ ; @seokchen​ ; @lovesxiu​ ; @love-seok​ ; @minseokbias​ ; @minseok4​ ; @gummyminseok​ ; @elparaisodeminseok​ ; @xiudaengerous​ ; @smartseok​ ; @starxiu​ ; @babyminseok​ ; @zyxuxi ; @bkhyunee​ ; @crushxiu​ ; @prince-umin​ ; @chenlogist​ ; @bigdaedy​ ; @minseoksfav​ ; @royalnini ; @ilovesehuns​ ; @valvalvalval-val ; @minniedeer​ ; @uminbean​ ; i tried tagging all my mutuals but idk if this is all of them im so sorry if i missed you;;;;; 😭😭😭

[graciouswift]

I got tagged to answer a bunch of questions about myself and i’m gonna put it under the read more for anyone who wants to know a bit about me!! :)

I was tagged by @swifts-nyc

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 accounts you want to know better

Nickname(s): i don’t even have one cause no one’s found a cute way to shorten my name :/ smh fake hoes

Gender: female

Sign: virgo

Height: 5’0 i’m short af

Time: 10 pm

Favorite Bands: lmao so i went through a huge 1D phase and i haven’t listened to much bands ever since cause i’m an uncultured hoe but rn I’d say maybe the 1975?

Favorite Solo Artists: TAYLOR and LORDE!!! their minds amaze me 

Song Stuck in my Head: literally every song in taylor’s discography is played on shuffle in my head at all given times

Last Movie I Saw: Doctor Strange cause i’m trying to catch up on the 10 years of marvel movies i missed out on :( i’m huge marvel trash now and woW it was the best decision i’ve made

Last Show I Watched: jane the virgin was the last one i properly watched and then i started the office but put that on pause cause of my marvel movie marathon 

When Did I Create My Blog: 2014

What Do I Post: taylor with a sprinkle of marvel and chris evans

Last Thing I Googled: the definition of time inconsistency preference cause i’m tryna study for a summer course but im also SUPER distracted ugh :/

Do I Have Any Other Blogs: i had a 1D tumblr from 2012-2014 and then taylor bought my ass so i abandoned it right then and there

Do I Get Asks: sometimess when i literally beg for them lmao

My URL: gracious + swift = graciouswift but with a single S cause i am just so random 

Following: 348

Followers: its about to be 0 if ppl read my long ass rambling answers 

Avg. Hours Of Sleep: varies from like 5 to 10 hours tbh (rn i’m at the high end of the scale cause i’m on summer break)

Lucky Number: 17 (hasn’t done much luck for me tho to be quite honest hmm)

Instruments: i’ve played the trumpet in elementary school cause we had to choose an instrument for music class and my lips went through SO much suffering because of it

What Am I Wearing: pajamas!

Dream Job: something in healthcare/medicine i hope!!

Dream Trip: DISNEY CAUSE IVE BEEN WANTING TO GO SINCE I WAS A LITTLE CHILD but also Iceland cause of the hot springs and sceneries!!

Favorite Food: i LOVEE a bunch of types of pasta and also my mom’s Indian food 

Nationality: Canadian :)

Favorite Song: it jumps between enchanted/last kiss/haunted/state of grace cause i’m indecisive af

Last Book I Read: i haven’t properly read a book in like 3 years but i think it was the last one was the fourth HP book

Top 3 Fictional Universes I’d Join: MARVEL UNIVERSE!!!! (someone pls throw me into it i beg), wizarding world, and any magical disney universe if that counts?

I tag anyone who’s made it this far into reading this post cause I appreciate your interest in getting to know me :D

Edit: waiT i tag @graciousswift13, @momentiknew and @underlined-in-red if you guys wanna do it :)

[dokyungsu]

Who are some of ur favorite people here and why?

💘💘💘 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL MY MUTUALS 💘💘💘 WROW REN LOVES YOU???? 💘💘💘 HELL YEA SHE DOES !!!!!💘💘💘

i had this in drafts for so long bc i wanted to post it on valentines like di cheesy person that i am so this is kind of like my version of sending u guys a love letter of some sort,,, flowers n chocolates all that… bc i obviously can’t send u guys flowers n chocolates irl 😣😣😣 anyways aasdjhakdkjh this is gonna be long so ima put a read more right here ♥

@zyxgf​ aka jackieMISS JACKIE!?!?!? uhm i say this all di time but she’s my baby girl 🤢🤢 she’s given me nothing but love n affection and laffs for di whole time we’ve been mutuals,,, 💗💓💕💖💞💗💓💕💖💞 she’s so funni n a relateable kween. giffing kween. kween of being cute… superior xingmi n exo m stan wrow… i’m always excited to see if she’s tagged me in stuff (laysoo) or if she’s messaged me or has made posts abt me or has sent me asks…. like she’s rly one of di reasons i love being here :((((( she’s so cute ohhhh my god..  also she sends me death threats abt yixing pls dw jackie i won’t steal ur man… i’ll steal U from ur man.. 😣😣😣 i’ll make him lose his balance n sweep u away 👀👀👀 i also lowkey wished we talked but ajsdbkjashdkj 

@exoistheuniverse aka ali (formerly sooweetlies a god-tier url wow)ALI IS THE SOFTEST MUTUAL EVER !!!!!!!! AND ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE KSOO-LS :(((( everytime i think of her i think about cotton candy and clouds and penguins and ksoo :((( … she’s so talented have y’ALL SEEN HER EDITS??? AND GIFS?? AND HER CUTE KSOO ICONS !!!! when will i ever… her voice is also di cutest… she always sends me love asks and asdhkas honestly how can i ask for more when she gives me di Most… pls i have a lot of love in my hort for her i always wish her the best n hope that she’s always happy 😣😣😣

@pcys-l aka rimi (formerly loeysoul i mean its true loey is in her soul)RIMI di LOve of my LIFE!!!!!! the first ever mutual i talked to because we both cried abt bruise 🤕🤕 meme queen, is Nasty in her tags abt pcy 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️ THINKS I’M UNLOYAL WHEN I’M NOT but she makes me happy n holds a special place in my hort.. I LOVE RIMI SO MUCH SHE DESORVS DI WHOLE WORLD SHE’S SO FUNNI AND HAVE MADE ME LAFF COUNTLESS OF TIMES AND I’m happy i got to be mutuals w u :(((

@yiffxing aka gabbyPREDDIEST FURRY QUEEN !! YIXING’S SEKSI SHEEP BACK-UP DANCERS R SHAKING !!! even tho we’ve only started talking uhhhh she’s rly di sweetest person ik 🤕🤕🤕 is trash for ksoo but i’ll let her off bc i luv her :\ the person who’ll date will b di luckiest bc uhhh she’s a whole package… fun fact: i was intimidated by gabby at first bc she was too beautiful n i thought i couldn’t b friends w her but 😣😣 I SEND HER LOVE MSGS EVERY CHANCE I GET💗💗💗💗💗💗

@kiungsoo aka livLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven’t seen her on my dash in a while bc she’s on q but i miss her :((( she a fellow twenty-four enthusiast so if u wanna slander miss twenty four u gotta go thru US !! 😤😤😤 she’s also another talented mutual :(( y’all seen her countdown bday posts for ksoo?? go check it out binch!!! go d i love liv 😩😩😩 i hope school and studying is going well for u i wish u all di best i love u 💗

@suhopps aka sunnie my SUNNIEshine (i’ve appointed u that nickname there’s lideralee no escape from it) we talked heaps before but everyone who’s… mutuals w me.. like basically everyone in this list knows i am The Worst at keeping convos 😰😰 but sunnie is so so so so sweet and soft and i love when i talk with you :((( we have so many things in common lmfao and she’s such a dramatic gay but i love it !! i always wish for your happiness and i believe that u can overcome any hardships you’re facing right now,,, i love u sunnie!!!! take care always 😙💘

@sophrosynes​ aka robertaI LOVE ROBERTA SO MUCH !!!!!!! I KNOW WE DON’T TALK BUT I HOPE U KNOW THAT I THINK ABT U AND HOPE THAT UR ALWAYS WELL :((( miss sophrosynes was my very first anon and honestly… she’s so thoughtful and considerate and nothing full of love and g od d dd she has a face to match her beautiful hort :(( thank u for sending me love always 💗💓💕💖💞 id die for u.. 

@kokobaekhyun aka jasmineY’ALL JASMINE’S A WILDT ONE Y’ALL SEEN HER TAGs??? when i thought no one can match rimi in being the Nastiest but.. ANYWAYS i love her either way 🤕🤕🤕 when she’s in soft mode it’s wholesome rly…. WE BONDED OVER MULLET!BBH BC IT’S GOD TIER AND WILL NEVER BE TOPPED anyways yea… love jas… she’s so funny n fun to talk to 😩💘 also if ur in a mood to talk about hard bbh she’S THE GIRL UR LOOKING FOR she’s always in the mood u won’t be disappointed KAJSHDjkas 

@my1ady aka arelyUHMMM NOT TO START BUT SHE’S MY BIGGEST FAN :(((((( WHEN SHE TAGS ME IN STUFF??? AND HER TAGS?? heart n*t :\ I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOVE SHE GIVES ME???? i don’t deserve… 😞😞😞 my anons asked abt her a lot lmfao idk why adkjahskj ONE OF MY FAVORITE XINGMIS HONESTLY!! HAS A GOD TIER URL WROW… my_lady_by_exo-m.mp3 amazing.. and uh loves my man so that’s a bonus… we share mans 🤕🤕🤕 love u arely.. 💗💗💗

@byunchen aka melqueen of making me want to d*e bc of soft n sweet bbh/exo imagines :(( also queen of making me want to KERMIT SUE OF SIDE BC OF THE NSFW BBH POSTS SHE MAKES I H*TE akjdhaskdjh SHE RLY BRINGS OUT THE BBH-L IN ME :\  ALSO MY FELLOW TRIPLE STAN??? VALID ! she’s full of nothing but love and AHHHHHHH I LOVE U MEL !!!!!!!! 💗💓💕💖💞

@exosvisual aka cindySHE ONE OF DI LOVELIEST XINGMIS IVE EVER MET PLEASE !!!! we cry about idol producer trainees together but mainly how hot and yixing distracting looks in all of di goddamn idol p episodes :\ I LOVE HER so much she’s rly so sweet and i’m rly glad i got to meet her :(( and also may i add that she’s… rly beautiful  😭😭😭 💗💓💕💖💞

@byunparks aka maddyMADDY WHO I BONDED WITH DURING THE 3 NIGHTS OF ELYXION !?!?!!?!!!! NEVER FUCKING FORGET !!!!! SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE I WAS TALKING AND UH we were both crying and truly losing our minds pls… i haven’t interacted with her much nowadays but she’s one of di best bbh-Ls i know n i love her… thank u for making me happy so i also wish for you happiness ily 🤧💖💖💖

@byunbread aka veraQUEEN VEWWA WHOMST I WUV SO MUCH :((((( not to b dramatic but she’s lideralee one of di best bbh blogs out there… (also random fact; she’s 179cm like… i’m so sorry baekhyun sweetie akshdakjsHDAAKJHDKJA) also uhhh queen of being di most beautiful ??? i’m not kidding :\ altho we’ve only interacted through posts and what not i rly love seeing her on my dash 🤧🤧🤧 i wish you di best for ur studies i wuv u vewwa 💕💕💕

@stanbaek aka ashleyASHLEY !!!!! A-SHE!!!-LY!!! uhm she’s is sososo sweet and her love for bbh is so so wholesome and beautiful and there’s A LOT of it :((( HER BBH BLOG CONTENT IS AMAZING AHH!!! we’ve talked a few times and she’s rly so sweet please.. 😞😞😞 honey i hope you know that you deserve to be happy 🤧🤧 i wish that you’ll always have strength when you experience days that are difficult to go through, i told u that i believe in u okay!!! i love you and i mean it 💞💞💞

@littlechefsoo aka courtneyONE OF MY FAVORTIE KSOO-LS AHH!!!!! i think courtney has been one of my oldest mutuals since i came on tumblr and she’s always been such a lovely person :(( her love for ksoo??? WHOLESOME…. i love it whenever she tags me in di tag games and even tho we’ve only interacted/talked a few times i love her 😣😣💗💗 also have y’all seen her ‘do it for him’ post and the pics were filled with suho’s tiddies from gayo daejun???? YEA MOOD. i love my fellow kyungmyeon-Ls 💖💖💖

@kyungsooslatinagf aka jossyJOSSY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!??!?! i love reading her tags when she reblogs from me pls kashdkahs also another one of my all-time favorite ksoo-Ls ♥♥♥ she’s one of di few people who came to check up on me during… a hard time so thank you for that :(( a fellow shawol-L and honestly miss jossy is beautiful my gosh 😩💘 we’re both tauruses so i think we have a lot in common lmao i wanna b able to interact n talk w u more miss jossy ily 🤧🤧💖💖

[sebyuns]

why hiatus ?

hey guys ! so in my hiatus “announcement” post I said I’d make a post about what’s going on in my life and why I’m on the hiatus. so if u wanna know nd care about me or if you’re just nosey please read after the cut !!

okay so I don’t even know where to start lmao ?

I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder about a year ago and it has been building up for years. last year it started to affect my school I’ve always been a pretty good student but due to my disorders I started gettung worse and it got really really hard for me to go to school. I couldn’t bring my self to go to school I would throw up in the morning and just been really bad so I started missing school and end up only going 2-3 days a week. everytime I would go to school I have panic attacks and I left earlier and I just couldn’t keep on doing that anymore so my therapist signed me off school a month before the summer holidays started. but staying home all that time + the summer didn’t help one bit (wow what a surprise) but I keept on telling myself that it’s gonna be fine next school year and that I’ll be able to go to school again buy SIKE I thought lmao !! it’s gotten even worse so I got signed off school again just after 5 days. and that’s where we are right now 1& ½ month later. i literallt havent been to school for MONTH like ive barely been the second half last year then combine the month before summer holidays, summer and the time til now. its the worst i hate it so much because id love to go to school I wanna go to school i just fucking can’t. by this time I know that I won’t be able to go back to school bc this is graduation class and I can’t be missing this much so I’ve got to redo next year or do something else idk

My depression is at its worst point yet. I have multiple breakdowns a day, I’m either feeling too much or nothing at all, literally everysingle thing makes me cry (one of the reasons I can’t be here lmao) suicidal thoughts, sleeping 12 hours day, forgetting to eat at all or only eat sweets, not leaving the house for days if it’s not for the therapist, just lacking human interaction at all. and all of that other jazz .I’m just really not .. great lmao.

as if my disorders weren’t enough I’m also dealing with an alcoholic dad and a (also) depressed and easily aggressive mom. I haven’t seen my dad for over 1 year now even though he lives only 10 mins away and just thinking about him brings me to tears just hope he doesn’t die from his fucking alcohol lmao i live with my mom who’s also mentally not really well that loves to get angry @ me for no reason and then scream at me for hours till I’m literally ready to kill myself one time i passed put out of the result of us arguing the fucking dishes or what. us being together all the time is just super toxic and she’s one of the big reasons that make me worse. I don’t have many friends (that live near me that im really close to all my really good friends live cities away and I don’t have any money to visit them) im alwyas alone lmao when was the last time i meet uo with someone? so I’m literally always stuck at home with my mom in my 9m^2 room.

the only other schedule and human interaction except for the therapist is my dancing group. well guess tf what we’re gonna disband ! amazing right, I know? 2 of our memebers are moving far away and with put them 1. were too little people 2. the room we rented is way to expensive. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without my group and dancing because it was literally one of the only things that are keeping me alive.

I’m in the queue for a mental health clinic at the moment. I’m probably gonna be admitted in about hopefully 3 weeks. I’ll be there for 6-10 weeks so I won’t be able to be on tumblr at all during that time.

ay and that’s not even all of it 🤙! I’m just really tired right now and I don’t think I have the energy to continue writing but I hope you guys have a better understanding of what’s going on with me right now? I doubt that anyone is really gonna read all of this but if u did thank you sm and ily 💕 if u wanna help me keep updated with exo somehow please tag me in stuff or send me asks I’ll check them atleast once a day!

[theday]

♧ worm,,,,,,,,,, i nearly sent this on anon bc im dumb

me as u almost sending it on anon can relaehdhhs

mutuals send me “♧“ and i’ll do this!

You’re my: fellow singaporean aroha whos also thankfully Not Straight

How I met you: bitch ive said this before but durirng my early days as an aroha i was all about that binu shit man.. i searched high and low went through the entire tag on tumblr probably so naturally i found ur bullet point fics which r beautiful even to this day

Why I follow you: bc i was tired of going to the tag and then clicking on whatever fic i hadnt read i gave up and just followed lmao

Your blog is: initially i followed ur main bc i was like xd just memes im used to that then u started blogging about one specific thing i have no clue what it was and i was so lost lmao anyway ur astro blog is a gift... a big ass gift hello... ur tags... ur works... ur everything a blessing rly 

Your URL is: idk who agust is but i know vi isYou also astrofireworks good stuff remember when u wanted 2 change it lmao

Your icon is: im too lazy to check what it is but its probably astro automatically making it good

A random fact I know about you: ur in new york............. u went to [redacted] schools ur whole life... u also dyed ur hair recently lmao what colour is it now

General opinion: good friend :D!!! who i put on a pedestal at first bc i was like wow shes so cool wtf.. and then u followed me and i promptly died ffhdhh im happy im able to talk to you normally now you made that easy!! :-O so thank you tldr youre really friendly and i lava u vivi hope ur well please go to bed

A random thought I have: well theres one thats like what the fuk is ur sleep schedule and the other is about how your school life is ;-0 for some reason i wanna know how its like studying abroad how is it miss vivi....  also i keep thinkiing ur url is astrovivifjhdshjhhdhjh

i lve u thank u for sending this have a good sleep please if u r currently resting i hope u have a good sleep

[outrowings]

sorry for the lame gif

Nitya here! I’ve had this blog for 900 years and some of you guys have seen me through one direction, years of regret superwholock, marvel and dc, the 100, sense8, star trek, star wars, and my final form: kpop. the best part of this has been seeing all my old favs also turn into kpop trash blogs  how we’ve stayed together for so long through all this.  anyway here’s me being gross and loving my mutuals (long post ahead)

favs: im sappy so heres me trying not to cry about how much i love you as i type these (idgaf if we only talked once i still love u)

@artificialskyway : veronica! i’m so bad at replying but ur always asking how i am and sending me pics of my favs and im forever grateful <333 i hope you continue to write in the future ur work is amazing!

@beinfired : my favorite (and only) hoobae. tk thanks for putting up with me LMAO and always sending me the freshest memes and hyping me up like no one else. ur finally making edits and i love them!!!! keep going !!!!! i cant properly express my undying love for u so ill leave it at that.

@blameblamebts : hana u trash queen the most beautiful and ethereal being ever i love you so much.  u always hoeing in the chat and hyping me up i love you for it <333333 ur face and ur writing are both truly an inspiration to me

@fightitigniteit : brit, we haven’t talked in a while but i miss you and im always hoping the best for u. u are one of the strongest people i know and i know you will always come out on top <3333333

@itschims : celine! we’ve talked one (1) time but ur so sweet and funny! i look forward to seeing u on my dash every time i log on. lets talk more!

@kimseaokjin : den! we haven’t talked in forever but u were so welcoming when i first became a switched over to a bts blog and im forever grateful for how warm u were towards me.  tysm and lets talk more!

@lyselena : my big sis, hey alicia.  Thanks for putting up with me and taking care of me and sending the best tumblr memes.  I still haven’t finished goblin.... anyway i love u to the moon and i know youll be amazing at college!

@makeu-ssi : MARY an amazing writer who freaking destroys my soul on a daily basis i love you to pieces. seems like a cinnamon roll but is a sinnamon roll. pls keep writing and inspiring me ily :*

@marks-angel-imagines : sienna! u absolute cutie. we started talking when you made that cute post about mutuals and i completely died omg.  l love your writing! let’s talk more <3333

@minmayhem : Kennnnnn, #1 at sending heart emojis.  always? sends? the sweetest? messages? in the gc??? i love you you make my day better!!! ur art legit makes me sob its not possible to be this talented tf ken?

@mvpgyu : BRYN, #brynya forever. I feel like ive known u forever even though it’s just been a few months.  Ur so genuinely nice and i consider you a close friend at this point!! so grateful to have you and i wish you good luck with your personal endeavors im always cheering for u!

@pasteljoon : michaela, it’s been a while since we talked but u were so kind to me and messaged me after i replied to one of ur posts. u asked me about pride and stuff and i felt so loved? i love your hobi airport piece u posted i hope u make more art soon <3 

@pbandj-hope : christina! a fellow khh stan and the only (only) person who reblogs my non bts content.  I love talking to you and I’m really grateful to have you as a mutual :D *finger guns*

@qwertydashiell : isha! im always missing you and sorry for being horrible at replying :(((( i’ll always support you in ur academic endeavors and im so proud to call someone so kind and intelligent my friend.  looking forward to ur next visit!

@taenecesito : caitlin, we haven’t talked much but ur so incredibly kind and accomodating im grateful to be mutuals with such a wonderful person! 

@sugaaoii : ali! we haven’t talked in a bit but please! keep! making! gifs! ur original work gives me heart pain???? its so good??? ur one of the most genuinely nice people ive ever met and ily

@uniave : my irl bestie. im glad u made a tumblr because i can send u dumb hockey and chris evans posts here instead of texting u links. SO grateful to have had u in my life for like 6 years now <333333333 im gonna stop cuz we’re not mushy

@vanillalattaes : FAHREEN. whose purpose on earth is to tag me in posts with the intention of stopping my heart? i love you so much ur tags make my day <3333 lets talk more babe :D

@withnosuchgrace : tahira! wow can words explain how much i love you? nope. u really out here boosting my self esteem and giving me love. queeen of making me weak in my knees im so grateful for u *ugly crying in the club*

@wolfhgang : ramasha <3 can’t believe we’ve been mutuals for 2 years and it took bts to bring us together.  i love bonding over our shared love for collarbones and seeing them happy <33333

mutuals bolded: we never talk but im silently loving u from far away keep doing u babes! (feel free to message me anytime im a lonely loser)

non mutuals: some of the raddest blogs ever; some of them ive been following for years now

#-E: @02busanboy @1aeyong @43hy @4joshua @4oclockvmin  @adamparrsh  @agustdia  @anthcny @arigathanksgozaimuch @arkhamdevil @babybird @babyseguin @baekhypcy @bane-magnus @bangtoori       @bang-tan @barrnes @bbarryallen  @blondekimseokjin @booptae @bwichim @coedkard @cosyjeon @bfjhs @blushguk @buckycap @cabeswatre @cassadnracain @chambaeq @chewymoustachio @cho-chang @cinnawon @clarksalive @commandtrek @cowjimin  @cypherkookie @cyquerslut @daefsoul @daegunotes @daegusoftboys @deamus @denimin @dianacprince @dreamjimn @dreamyoongi @epiloguejimin 

F-J: @fluffyliontae @flyera @forceawoken @fragrantae @gamjin @gaylando  @gftae @gifmebangtan @glittergyeom @got7doubleb @gothamroques @gotjhope @guksuu @gxnnylovegood @happy-kirk  @hcwkeyes @heathenz @hey-uta @hisbarnes @hixtae @hixtxpe @hi-xtape @hobieism @hobikookie @hocusqocus @holyfuckmark @hoseokskitten @hqleetaeyong @h-sh @imdbgenius @isitkpop   @itskimtaehyung   @jakeperallta   @jamescarstairs @jcmesbcrnes   @jeonbegins  @jeonpetals @jessicajcncs @jeyne @jhaviguk @jikookinky @jiminboi @jinmini @jinsweater @jjptv @jnghobi @juliushonks @junghope @jungkookio @jyncassian

K-O: @kazbkker @kimdaily @kimyugy @kinkyoongs @kookmint @kook-tae @kpop-bunnyjungkook @kths @leivorgana @letterstokook @lenarise @lgbtae @lgbtleia  @lthyl @lukemagnus @lupitanyonqo @m1nqyus @makkeuga @maknaebun @makomoriz @markleetrashh @marksseunie @mellonjin @mindykahling @mintyjihoon @mintyugbam @moonlightmaia @moonlignt @mylovejhs @namjjooni @nctokki @nctsjeffery @nejighafa @newtsckamander @nickyhenmick @nochuie @nyvta @ohastraeus @ohmyamysantiago @okjb @oliverfreakingwood @otteryj 

P-T: @park9495 @parkejimins @parkgaetrash @parkjiminbiased @parkjiminer @peachyhimchan @perhalta @pjmjjk @prettymochi  @prettytae @psteezy @pvedameron @rapnamu @ravehclaw @reecekinqs @remusmoopin @reysolo @richardgansvy @royalkpop @rude--jude @safejimin @samwwise @seoulscapes @shakepaere @shownx @skywalkuer @smolsamberg @smolstevie @softesthobi @softestpoem @softjiminstan @softmarkbum @softykook @soft-jihoonie @spicysiren @stilesxmartin @study-ksj @sugamuse @sunflowhobi @sunlewis@sweaterpawsjimin @sweethyung @sxmberg @syubbed @taexguk @tae-all-the-way @taetaetuan @tahyungs @teahyngie @the-porcelain-doll-xo @the-princejinyoung @thiccsidney @tuanever

U-Z: @ultbusans @ungiis @unmarvel @velvethoseok @velvethoseok @vernonymous @wondersdiana @workofteaguk @wpnderwoman @xseokjiin @xtaexhyungx @yeolology @yes-knope @yoonggi @yoongi-jin @yoonmin @yoonseok @youngforevers @yutaf

Networks: 95linenet bang7net busanboys-net daegulinenetwork gguknet gotbang-net got7snet got7hyungnet got7maknaelinenet honeyboynetwork jinminnetwork jhope-network kimtaehyung-net knjnetwork kpopwritingnet monbebe-net nctinc seokjin-network taeguknetwork thekpopnet