#wouldn’t you go into fight/flight mode essentially? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cognitivefunk · 4 years

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Eey, I haven’t written in months but I was caught up thirsting over Sesshoumaru so I made this lol Title: Over the Edge Fandom: Inuyasha Pairing: Sesshoumaru/Reader (Second person POV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: smut, Mild dubcon, pheromones, rutting, knot, biting/scratching, blood (mild)

The air burned in your lungs with each sharp breath you took, frantically trying to fuel your body as you pumped your legs as quickly as they would carry you. The roaring in your ears was deafening as you batted away branches that wicked at your face. Blood tickled your skin, and you smeared it on your cheeks with your sleeve, too afraid of what may happen if you stopped running.

It had started out as a normal day, the weather was mild but there had been rain in the forecast so you made sure to wear a light jacket to keep the damp chill away. After all, you knew you’d be out for most of the day visiting the Higurashi Shrine with a group of friends. You had heard rumors of the Bone Eater’s well, fairytale whispers of a portal to another time. “There’s no way that’s real,” you had laughed, joking with the others in your group that it was essentially just a campfire story to scare children. Portals and demons couldn’t possibly exist. No matter how alluring the concept may be.

The plan was to have the group split up so you could access the well in private and take turns taking selfies sitting on the edge while the others kept watch. Even if they were just ghost stories, it still made your heart race with excitement. It felt naughty, sneaking around in such a place. Everything had gone smoothly up to the point where you had leaned a bit too far, trying to angle yourself over the edge of the old well. Your hand slipped, scraping against the stone and sending you tumbling head first into the abyss.

You had braced for impact, throwing your arms over your head to cushion the fall, but instead of pain, there was pervasive darkness. A crawling sensation spread across your body, followed by a sinking feeling deep in your gut. The only sound you could hear was the blood rushing in your veins from your beating heart. Numb... A sensation of nothingness threatened to take hold of you, gripping at your mind as you flailed your arms in front of you looking for something, anything to hold onto. For a moment, nausea bubbled up into your chest as the panic set in. Time seemed to pause and accelerate around you all at once, making you feel disoriented.

A sudden blinding light shocked your body back into fight or flight mode, and you struggled your way toward the light. Sound slowly began to return the closer you came to the entrance until you came tumbling out of the well onto the grass below, thankful the landing was softer than you were expecting.

You thought for a moment you must have hit your head, reflexively reaching up to check for a wound. The only thing that stung was the scrape on your hand from when you had fallen into the well. Your hands fell in disbelief, gripping at your jeans. The sense of relief dissolved back to terror as you took in your surroundings. The sun shone down on a densely forested area, the Higurashi shrine from before was nowhere in sight.

“No, this can’t be happening,” you muttered to yourself, reaching back up to check for a bump on your head, hoping it would clear your head so things made sense again. “No, no no no …” the hair on the back of your neck began to stand to attention as a shrieking roar echoed around you. Whatever was crashing through the trees was not going to give you the time to come to term with your surroundings.

Fear prickled its way down your spine as you took in the sight before you. A grotesque, pulsating creature with hundreds of arms and tendrils ripped through the trees, right toward where you were standing. Eyes from every angle pierced through you, and it was obvious it had no good intentions.

A shriek caught in your throat as you turned on your heel, trembling as you willed your feet to move, lest you meet an untimely demise at the hand of that thing. W-what is that? I must be dreaming, this can’t be real. The scent of blood and death was thick in the air, you fought back the tears that threatened to blind you of your sight.

“Help! Please, anyone, help!” you cried out in desperation, trying not to gag on the putrid air. You covered your mouth with your dirtied sleeve in a futile attempt to filter the air around you. Gasping choking on your own tears, you lose your balance yet again, crashing down the hillside until your body finally stopped near the edge of a ravine.

Your body came to a stop as your back brushed into something undeniably soft, which only added another layer of confusion while you scrambled to collect yourself without going over the edge. You had fallen too many times for one day, and you were certain you wouldn’t survive a fall from that height. The guttural shrieking from above ripped you from your thoughts, and you instinctively recoiled into yourself, unsure what you should do. Something shifted beside you, and you jumped to the side, skittering toward the rocky wall that you clung to, away from the source of the movement but unable to move very far from your spot without risking certain death.

Your eyes finally came into focus on what had stopped your fall. In contrast to the chaos leading up to this point was a serene scene. A beautiful man with long silver hair lay resting on a luxurious pelt of fur. There was a strange aura around him, something you couldn’t quite place your finger on. Taken back at his appearance, you had nearly forgotten about the demon spawn that was making its way down the cliff. The sound of rocks falling caught your attention once again and the man’s eyes slowly opened, a vaguely irritated expression marred his handsome features. He tilted his head toward the sound and let out a quiet puff of air before standing in wait of the demon.

Meanwhile, you started looking around for a way out, feeling around the wall and testing the ground near the ledge for strength. “Uh- excuse me? I think if we’re careful we could probably get away if we go this way-” your words slowly began to trail off as you watched the scene before you unfold. He moved like flowing water as he gripped his sword, unsheathing it in one fluid motion. There was a cracking noise, then rocks and debris hurdling away from the sudden gust of air unleashed toward the terrifying beast. It took you a moment to register the thick blood on the blade of his sword as he flicked it to the side before sheathing it once again.

A mist of smoke and particles exploded around the body of the creature, drifting off with the wind. It had a strange smell to it, but it seemed the elegant man was less affected by the sensation than you were. Or at least, that’s what it appeared as to you. It was as though the thick pollen was clinging to your pores and it made your head feel light.

You gulped, an involuntary shiver flowing through you as you came to the realization that he had just killed that horrible creature. There was no struggle, just one clean sweep of his sword. “But..how..” you muttered, staring in shock before falling to your knees, unable to hold up your own weight anymore. You placed your hands on the ground, seeking stability from the ground. The world seemed to swirl around you as the dizziness settled back in.

The man had turned back around, looking down at your pitiful form, dirtied on the ground. “Hn,” he sneered, approaching your shivering body. “Human, you do well to kneel before this, Lord Sesshoumaru,” he spoke in a dignified manner, his posture relaxed but tall. He had just introduced himself to you, so at the very least it gave you hope he wasn’t planning on outright killing you. His piercing eyes were examining you with such an intensity you couldn’t help but shrink back into yourself.

Feeling awkward, you attempt to introduce yourself, “I-“

“Do not speak unless, this Sesshoumaru commands you to.” At his sharp words, the shiver intensified, leaving you trembling before the demon. He walked around you carefully, not seeming to care much about the ravine below. He leaned forward, his silver hair cascading over his shoulder down toward your frame. He reached forward, running a finger over the collar of your jacket. You couldn’t tell if he was curious, disgusted, or irritated. His expression was as hard to read as his demeanor was.

“Human, your clothes are not from here. Did you come with that miko?” this time, he directed his words in a question, urging you to speak. Your lips were dry, and your voice cracked as you attempted to use your voice, realizing how hoarse you had become from the whole ordeal.

“I’m not sure what happened, one minute I was at the well and the next thing I know is I was being chased by that…” you point toward where the corpse had disintegrated into the earth. Nervously, you looked up at the man from where you knelt, hoping to get a better look at him now that you weren’t in imminent danger. “Thank you, for saving me.”

At that, the man’s eyes narrowed at you and he crouched in front of you, grabbing your chin roughly in his hand to jerk your face closer to him. “Do not mistake, I did not save you,” he paused, his thought cut off as he caught the scent of the blood that had dried on your face. His nostrils flared and he brought his face closer to yours. “What do we have here,” he murmured, his tongue darting out to swipe against one of the deeper cuts from when the branches had cut into you. He pressed hard enough to reopen the wound to allow for fresh blood to flow out onto his tongue.

The sensation stung, but at the same time it was as though there was electricity where he lapped at your wound. You let out an involuntary whimper, wanting to move away but fearing what he might do if you moved away from him. Inhuman strength aside, his golden eyes and pointed ears indicated he was not a human like you. He could likely crush you without even using his weapon and while that thought should have been terrifying to you; there was a part of you that was excited.

He sighed against your cheek, nuzzling his nose closer to your ear, breathing in your scent. Your hair was slightly matted with sweat, clinging to your forehead with a light sheen. You gulped; fear holding you in place as the demon tugged the skin on your lip downward, forcing your mouth open. He pulled back to brush his lips against your own, dipping his blood tinged tongue against yours. The taste of copper filled your mouth and you forgot to breathe.

His tongue slid along yours in an inquiring way, exploring you. Tasting you. You finally pulled back, gasping for air, a thin trail of saliva snapping between you as you parted your connection. The sweet air filled your lungs all traces of the stench of death replaced with a sickly sweet presence. You glanced back at the man who was staring at you very intently. A crimson color was spreading across his sclera, painting the whites of his eyes red.

“Wh-“ your words transformed into a yelp as he pushed you against the ground, suddenly ripping at your clothing with his claws. He started at your jacket, cutting it away from your arms before moving to your top.

“No! Stop!” you shouted, forgetting your fear for a moment to try to preserve some of your dignity. This stranger, despite how ethereally beautiful he was, was undressing you without a word after stealing a kiss so brazenly. What made his demeanor change so suddenly? You could feel a chill on your skin as you became more exposed to the open air.

He paused only to shoot you a warning glare, “Do not address me in such a manner.” His voice was husky, and he was eyeing you like a predator cornering his prey. “You may address me as Lord Sesshoumaru if you must speak.”

He leaned forward once more, pinning your body under his, dipping his head toward your neck to take in your scent once more. The pollen from the forest youkai contained a pheromone capable of triggering a heat cycle in certain breeds of warm-blooded demons. It was coursing through his veins, heightened by the taste of the blood from your wound, and the tangible fear coming off of your body.

“L-Lord Sesshoumaru, please, d-“ you attempted to reason with him, trying to gain favor with the man. He placed his fingers over your lips, pressing down to hush you. Just hearing his name on your lips was enough. He had no use for any words of denial.

“So small…so frail. Why do you fight me? You should be honored that I, the great Lord Sesshoumaru find you… quite palatable in this moment,” he dug his fingers into your mouth, relishing at your startled yelp. The sensation of your tongue on his fingers caused him to shiver ever so slightly. He pressed them in further, triggering your gag reflex and you started to tear up. Without thinking, you bit down and the small smile that had graced his face disappeared. “You do not understand your place. Allow me to show you,”

In the blink of an eye he had flipped back onto your knees, shoving your head into the ground. You coughed, spitting the dirt out of your mouth as he pressed your cheek against the rough ground. Gravel stuck to the cuts on your face and your eyes welled up. “You will not waste my time, human. I am bestowing on you a great honor,” he spoke, draping his body across your back as his claws continued their work, tearing the cloth away from your body, occasionally nicking into your flesh. “You look much better like this,” he murmured, admiring his work. The tattered cloth clung to the curves of your body, allowing him access to you. Little red beads from where he dug his nails into you decorated your back.

He couldn’t resist the allure, ducking his head toward your enticing flesh to run his flattened tongue along the shallow wounds. It made your spine tingle and your breath catch in your throat. “You will look even better full of my seed,” his voice was quiet, but determined. It was the only warning before he placed the fingers that had been inside your mouth directly into your heat. Your saliva acted as a mild lubricant, diving and twisting into your core.

He groaned low, a primal growl emanating deep from within his chest. A moan escaped you, the sound surprising the both of you as he began to work his fingers inside of you. His nails were sharp, and you knew that he would tear you if he was too rough. He did not seem to have any such reservations about how delicate your body was compared to a demon’s, thrusting his fingers in and out in a calculated fashion. It didn’t seem that he was seeking for your pleasure, but rather preparing you to accommodate his girth.

He still had his other hand on the small of your back, pushing you against the ground, not allowing your hips to move away from his onslaught. There was a burning sensation in the pit of your stomach, threatening to burn you up. You whined, sure that you were unable to reason with the man at this point. You thought it best to do as he said for the best chance of making it out alive.

Sensing your surrender, his hand finally left your back, allowing him to situate himself closer to the opening of your sex. He breathed deeply, his face inches from your most intimate place. Your face flushed with embarrassment. ‘Is he really smelling me down there? It’s like he’s a ..dog’

You shifted so you could sneak a peek at the man behind you. His face was flushed and he was panting slowly, but surely with each breath. His golden eyes tinged with red were focused on your now quivering heat. You bit down on your knuckle to suppress a groan at the sight. He didn’t seem to mind you were watching him, instead removing his fingers from within you only to grab ahold of your buttocks to spread you wide open and dip his head forward. He inhaled deeply as he ran his tongue across your entrance.

“Uhhnn, Sesshoumaru?” he was lapping at you, his sharp teeth grazing your sensitive flesh, reminding you how dangerous it was to have him in such a delicate place. You panted, trying to regain your composure, burying your face in your arm.

“Hnn, It would seem… for someone who was so obstinate, you offer yourself so willingly,” he mused, clearly enjoying himself. “Look how you swallow up my fingers,” he breathed, easily slipping a digit inside for emphasis. “Offering yourself to this Sesshoumaru,” he continued, sitting back on his heels to disrobe. He draped his clothing to the side, with more care than he had afforded you. The stark contrast was somehow arousing to your senses, and you felt yourself becoming wet at the thought.

“Come, spread yourself for me, I will give you what you’re waiting for,” he smirked, lining himself up behind your body. You were hesitant, but the arousal was shrouding your judgement. The lingering embarrassment would pass. You propped yourself up on one elbow, using your other hand to spread yourself open for him. Another growl tore from his throat and he seemed to be at his limit. It didn’t take long until he pushed himself into you, with far more girth than you were expecting. You cry out in surprise, the burning sensation in your loins was overwhelming. He was much larger than you were anticipating and it was driving you crazy.

He couldn’t hold back, panting heavily as his nails dug into your hips, snapping forward, he buried himself to the hilt. He grunted, aggressively pulling you toward his aching cock as he ravished your body, taking you for his own pleasure. “Say it, who is giving you this pleasure?” he teased, chuckling as you struggled to call out his name between thrusts. He specifically timed himself to render you speechless.

You, an ordinary human who only wanted to take a few selfies at the shrine’s well, were now face down on the ground getting pounded into the next life by a majestic demon lost in his carnal desire. He stretched your walls as he took you from behind, thrusting erratically, without giving you a moment to rest. You scrambled to grab onto the ground for balance. Seeing this, he sat back with you still riding his cock, using his strong thighs to thrust up. You threw your head back, moaning loudly at the newfound angle. It was much deeper than before, and you could swear you felt him getting impossibly bigger with every thrust.

He took advantage of your exposed neck to bury his fangs into your shoulder, the pain firing through, intoxicating you with hazy pleasure. He bounced you on his swollen cock with abandon, chasing after his release. He had the desire to fill you, to make you burst with his seed until you couldn’t walk anymore.

You felt your orgasm building from the stimulation, your body shaking against his. Your walls tightened around him, sending him into a frenzy. Tears fell down your face as his onslaught on your sensitive body continued, his length swelling inside of you as he neared his release. He slipped his fingers back into your mouth, and you could taste yourself from before, arousing you further. You couldn’t help but drool on his fingers as he latched onto you, spilling his seed deep within your body with a particularly well aimed thrust.

He pulsated inside you, stretching you to your limit. You had never felt something like it before. Instead of becoming limp after his release, his knot had locked inside of you, pumping you full of his seed, sealing it within your walls. He breathed heavily against your shoulder, finally releasing his fangs. Blood sprang to the surface, and he soothed the wound over with his tongue, lapping at your skin tenderly.

“I have granted you the highest honor of receiving my seed, don’t you dare spill a drop or I will have no choice but to fill you again,” he murmured against the back of your neck, “and again…” His hands caressed your body, gently now that he was basking in his afterglow. He nuzzled against you, his hips rutting sporadically, drawing soft whines from your throat. You were so overstimulated as it were, but you could feel yourself becoming aroused once more with him seated inside of you.

“It is decided. You will stay with this Sesshoumaru,” his command was unwavering. He nipped at your ear, continuing to nuzzle you from behind.

“Excuse me? I..I have to go back home! I can’t just stay here,” you felt like your words were perpetually falling on deaf ears. He shifted, his hips snapping up, pushing you down onto him with renewed strength to assert his dominance on the situation. “No such thing,” he murmured, rocking his hips in a circular motion, relishing in the hazy pleasure it was giving him. “You will stay here until I am satisfied.”

#usagiwrites #inuyasha a feudal fairy tale #sesshoumaru #sesshomaru #idk it's a little sloppy #but it was a good warmup fic lol

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gustafsnightangel · 4 years

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Shattered Lives Ch 18 Pt 2

“Thank you for the pick me up today.” He murmured as they snuggled together in bed that night. He was glad the day was done and she was cuddled in beside him. His beacon in the darkness, home. She rolled so she was looking down at him.

“Don’t go where I can’t follow love.” She said gently and kissed him with that sweetness that filled his heart.

“I won’t.” His eyes searched hers for understanding and found it along with pain, this was hurting her and he wished it didn’t. “I’m not.”

He kissed her gently. “Sleep love you’re so tired.” His fingers threaded into her hair and he kissed her softly, that lingering softness that calmed her.

“I’m going to miss you. I know it’s just overnight but I’ll miss you holding me.” She whispered, she was being clingy but she was miserable.

The past weeks with a brutal workload and no sex had been a blunt slap to the face. They were both busy, equally stressed, tired, and that tended to put a dampener on the whole sex side of things. She knew he was emotionally stressed, his own anxiety high, the self doubt had started to creep back in and that’s why she hadn’t pushed. She didn’t want to stress him out further or trigger the crushing anxiety and depression she could see starting to consume him. She couldn’t help wonder if she was no good for him. She knew he was dealing with his baggage, Ana and all her shit, but she felt useless. Did she still matter to him she wondered, did her comfort and support mean nothing? Don’t be an idiot she swore silently. That was her own insecurity showing and she hated it, hated feeling it, hated questioning his feelings for her when she was just beat to hell.

“I’ll miss you too love.” He kissed her. “Sleep.” He kissed her head breathing in that scent he’d miss so much.

She was worried about him as he woke super early to dress and leave for his flight. The last time he’d gone away feeling like this he’d almost hit rock bottom. Thankfully it would only be for tonight. It was shitty timing but it was life. He had his career, she had hers, this time their schedules just sucked, there was no other way to put it.

“I’ll be back in time for the twins game.” He murmured as he stood on her threshold. It had been a while since they’d stood there to say goodbye.

“It’s ok if you can’t love, they’ll understand you’re traveling.” She kissed him longingly.

“I should be back in plenty of time.” He stroked his fingers through her hair. “Besides I promised them, so I’ll be there.”

“Go now, sooner you go the sooner you’re back.” She smiled and his hand cupped her behind the neck and kissed her so her mind was suddenly fuzzy.

Say it now you fool. “I’ll call you when I land.” That wasn’t it. “When I’m about to fly home.” Nope, that’s not it either, chicken shit. He pushed the button for the elevator.

“Don’t shut me out love.” She murmured and kissed him, tears threatened but she held them in.

“I’m not, I promise I’m not.” He kissed her tenderly. He was though, he was hurting so much he’d shut her out to protect her, protect her from him. He’d protect her from what that bitch had made him at all costs.

“Be safe please.” She nodded as the elevator dinged.

“Always.” He said stepping into the elevator.

She watched the doors of the elevator close, stepped back inside and locked her front door. Leaning her head against it the tears started. Would he tell her or was that one big fucking lie too she wondered? Together, making it work, was it all bullshit to him? “And you need to just go back to bed.” She hissed. “You’re being stupid and needy and clingy and you need to knock that shit off.”

He hit his head against the elevator wall repeatedly on the way down as if it would knock some fucking sense into him. He was irritable in the car on the way to the airport and on the plane. Pulling the new notebook from his messenger bag and looked at the three photos of Sildie and wondered what she saw in him really. Closing it he put it away and pulled out the other notebook and started to write, all the reasons why she shouldn’t be with him. When they landed in Helsinki he’d successfully emptied his mind and indicated beside each reason what ones lead back to Ana. He was digging her out a word at a time.

She was making the boys school lunch when his text came through.

I’ve landed, miss you.

It was much shorter than she’d expected but knew he was busy so she let it go even though it stung. He was working now, it was time to knuckle down. She did it and he had to as well. Then why do I feel like I’ve lost him she thought? It was on her mind though as she drove the kids to school, dropped Lily at daycare, and parked for the day at the courthouse. He had completely shut her out and it hurt.

It hurt that he wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t open up. He knew he could be vulnerable with her yet he chose to keep it all closed up inside him. She could see it was destroying him, slowly eating him from the inside out. She’d deal with this when he got back. There was only so far he could push her away before the their relationship was no longer important enough to fight for. Is that what he wants she thought, does he want me to get so angry at him I’ll just walk away? Is he done with us? Was the anniversary week just too much for him? Are we too much for him?

Well if that’s what he’s thinking he was in for a rude awakening she thought, halting anymore toxic thoughts screaming through her head. She’d fight for him, for them. “He might let Ana win but I’m sure as shit not going to. That bitch has taken enough from him and she’s sure as fuck not taking him away from me.” She spat and parked the car. “And she doesn’t get to fuck with my kids.” She stood at the doors to the courtroom and took a few deep breaths, she couldn’t bring all that baggage in with her, she couldn’t implode right before work. Steadier she opened the huge wooden door and stepped inside.

With her day done she texted him the family photo from the day in the snow, the short video Brendan had taken of Lily hitting him with a snowball, him scooping up a larger snowball and hitting her with it. She stared at it wondering what had gone so wrong that day to put him where his mind was currently at. There was something about that day that had sent him into a steep tailspin.

With the kids in bed she hammered away at her reading and notes waiting for some sort of reply that never came. By the time she’d crawled into bed she wondered if they meant anything to him at all and knew that was bullshit. She was tired and stressed which made everything blow itself out of proportion.

He stared at the family photo she’d texted him, laughed at the video and smiled through tears. Why hadn’t he said it that day he wondered? It was perfect, the perfect day. Would he get another chance like that? Had Ana fucked up the best thing to ever come into his life? More to the point had he let her fuck it up?

His sleep was fitful with thoughts of Sildie leaving, nothing but his empty apartment to come home to, no kids, no Lily. He sat bolt upright and breathed shakily, the fear trying to rob him of oxygen.

“Nothing like a 2 am panic attack to really get you in the mood for the day.” He spat looking at the clock beside the bed as he flipped the light on forcing the air into his lungs. “Breathe idiot. Just fucking breathe.” His eyes would be hanging out his head by the time they went to the interview he was so tired.

He made a coffee and sat at the small table fishing out his notebook. May as well purge as I’m up and my minds already in that mode he thought. That was his one big fear he thought as he sat and sipped his coffee, Sildie not being in his life, no kids to come home to. What if she got tired of him, tired of all this Ana bullshit before he was finished dealing with it, purging it? He thought about calling her, had his thumb hovering over her number for a good thirty minutes before he decided to let her sleep, she was exhausted and stressed enough without his shit compounding it.

He wrote for a bit and then switched gears, closing the door on Ana before the interview was essential, self preservation. He finalized their weekend getaway and scheduled the painters to take care of Sildie’s office. He still had to clean that room out when he got home, not something he was looking forward to. By the time he was dressed and staring down a microphone he was already beat to shit mentally and emotionally. He just wanted to be on a plane home to Sildie and the kids.

She sat at the twins soccer game Friday night fuming. Not at the fact his flight was delayed, that was unavoidable, the boys would understand. No, she was fuming because she had to hear it from Daisy. Every text she’d sent him was answered with silence, no reply, no answer, nothing since he’d landed yesterday. Total fucking silence like she didn’t exist. To add to it her case had blown up in her face as well today and she’d have to spend the weekend saving it.

The twins were heartbroken. Liam with his two goals and a smile plastered on his face as he came off the field and over to them. She’d watched that smile falter when he didn’t see Gustaf. He’d promised them he’d be there, and he’d broken that promise. She’d recorded it but it wouldn’t be the same. It was like they were suddenly invisible and she was about done taking his silence as an answer.

She understood that shit happened, she understood that he was busy and still adjusting to their current living arrangements, but a text to say I’m fine but I can’t make the game wasn’t too much to ask. That was all he had to say. She wasn’t one to guilt trip, but a fucking answer was courtesy, especially when dealing with seven year olds. She got the kids home and showered while she ordered pizza and sat to read. Liam hadn’t stopped crying, Finn wasn’t much better and Brendan was pissed.

“Boys look at me a minute.” She said gently and eventually all eyes were on her. “I know he promised and I know you’re upset, but his flight was delayed and there’s really nothing he could have done to get here in time ok?” She knew this was going to blow up in her face when Gustaf came through the door. She’d tried calming them down since they got in the car but it would be what it would be.

Gustaf finally got the key into the door of her apartment, home at last he thought and he was beyond tired. Turning the key and opening it he walked in on a sight that was less than happy, he’d expected it with his delayed flight. Finn ran to him in tears and hugged him around the legs. He looked at Sildie then Liam.

“I HATE YOU.” Liam screamed and ran into his bedroom slamming the door so hard that Lily cried out sharply at the sudden noise and woke up. Sildie looked to the ceiling and sighed, the day just got better and better she thought sarcastically.

She saw Gustaf kneel down as she went to settle Lily. Let him handle it she thought, she’d had enough thrown at her tonight from three angry kids and her case blowing up in her face. Sure it was dumping it in his lap but she could only do so much on her own. Brendan poked his head out of his room and said a quick hello before heading to bed to read. Gustaf could tell the teen was furious.

“Finn what’s wrong?” He asked already knowing what as he dumped his messenger bag down on the floor and hugged the kid tightly.

“You promised you’d be there.” He sobbed. “You promised and you weren’t there.” He pushed Gustaf away as he sobbed, both hands against his chest barely moving him but the gesture wasn’t lost on him.

“I know I did. My flight was delayed and I wasn’t in the air until your game had started.” He kissed him on the top of the head. “I’m sorry Finn. I really am. Is that what Liams upset about too?” He asked gently and the kid nodded.

“He scored two goals.” He sniffed and looked at Gustaf. “And you weren’t there.” He said a little louder.

Fuck he swore internally as he breathed a careful sigh out, it figures the one day I’m not able to make it. That would explain why Brendan was pissed and Sildie looked as if she was about to peel his skin from his bones. He was so fucked, he was so utterly and completely fucked.

“I’ll come talk to him in a moment ok?” He reassured the kid. Finn stomped back to their bedroom closing the door loudly but not slamming it like his brother had and didn’t come back out. He wasn’t happy with Gustaf either.

Sildie came out a little while later once Lily had gone back to sleep and closed the hall door.

“I should talk to Liam.” He said softly to her. He just wanted to pull her into his arms and breathe her in.

“I’d leave it tonight. He’s beyond upset.” She said quietly, she was fuming on the inside and was determined to give him the benefit of the doubt and not explode at him like she wanted to do.

“I’m sorry Sildie.” He felt like shit.

“Nothing you could have done.” Her smile was slight. Except maybe talk to me about whatever’s eating you she thought, her temper was still simmering. “Except maybe called me, text me. I don’t know send a fucking smoke signal.” She snapped, her voice was quiet. No not quiet he thought, wounded, he’d hurt her, hurt the kids and now he felt like shit.

“It was a mad rush love. By the time we got through traffic and on the plane, then it was delayed and...”

“Daisy with you?” She asked, cutting him off. She really didn’t want to hear the bullshit excuses. “Because she had the time to text me after I’d texted you about six times with no answer.” She was angry, and she’d had enough of being kept at arms length with him.

“I’m trying Sildie.” He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. He couldn’t lose his cool with her or fall apart and he felt like doing both.

“No, you’re avoiding. You’ve shut me out. You’ve shut the kids out. If you can’t guarantee you’re going to be here, don’t promise that you can. Brendan understands, the twins aren’t old enough to really grasp the concept yet.” She snapped out.

“Sildie I’m sorry I...”

“Don’t, just don’t. Unless you’re going to tell me what’s eating you, what’s been eating at you for weeks now, I really can’t do this tonight.” She said and left it at that as she walked away to sort out her case notes ready to take to the office tomorrow, leaving him standing in the middle of the room. Her abrupt end to the conversation stunned him. He’d hurt her to the point of she couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him. He could see the pain ripple off her, the shield she’d put up between them as she tidied her work at the end of the table.

“I’m gonna go.” He said half in a daze. “I’ll sleep at my place tonight, let things calm down.” He choked on those words as they didn’t really want to be voiced. Although it killed him to say it he needed time, he couldn’t handle this right now either, he couldn’t hurt her or the kids any further.

“Oh.” It felt as if he’d physically punched her in the gut. “Ok sure.” She said softly trying to keep her emotions in check as her hand gripped the back of a dining chair so she wouldn’t collapse. She suddenly felt weak and lightheaded at the thought of him not sleeping next to her tonight. She hadn’t expected him to want to just leave.

“I’m sorry Sildie I need time.” He did, he was tearing them apart and it had to stop.

“I understand.” She did, it was too much for him, but she also had to brace herself that this was the end. She watched him walk to the door, grab his bag and quietly walk over her threshold and close it behind him. Gone she thought, he had just walked out, walked away from her and the kids and it cut her so deeply she had to sit as her legs went to jelly.

She felt sick, like legitimately puke her guts up sick. The thought of him not being beside her, not waking up to that beautiful soul she adored, the kids not seeing him in the morning. She let the tears come, let them fall, had she just broken up with him, were they over?

Admittedly she hadn’t made it easy on him. She was angry and hurt and basically told him she didn’t want to hear it. How much crap was she supposed to take in one evening anyway?

“Way to go idiot.” She mumbled and let the sobs come. Her gut roiled and she had to try and breathe to stop dinner redecorating her floor.

She cried herself to sleep that night in an empty bed. He had pushed her so far away she felt she may never be able to reach him now. She was worried he’d started using again, drinking again, had Ana finally got to him that much he’d lose his sobriety over it?

Gustaf woke to a pounding in his head. No, he thought opening his eyes and frowning, that was someone pounding on the door, his front door. He got up and slipped his sweats on while moving toward the door, opening it he was forced to look down.

“Liam?” He was puzzled. It was really early in the morning. “You ok? What’s happened?” He looked at her apartment door and didn’t see any lights on. Had something happened to Sildie? Did the kid sneak out? The sobs tore from him as he hugged Gustaf’s thigh tightly.

“Hey.” He soothed and sat down pulling the kid into his lap. “Hey, little man what’s wrong?” He asked gently. He wondered if Sildie knew he was out here, highly doubtful and when she found out he’d have one furious woman on his hands.

“I’m sorry I was angry at you and slammed the door and said that I hated you and woke Lily up. I don’t hate you.”

“It’s ok.” Gustaf soothed, he understood and held onto the kid.

“No it’s not. I want my dad.” He sobbed and held onto Gustaf tighter. “I want my dad but he’s dead.”

He wasn’t equipped for this he thought as he held the boy. Certainly not now he’d walked out on Sildie. He sent a silent curse to the heavens that he was in such a state mentally and emotionally he hadn’t picked up on the grief vibes with the kid.

“You’re the only dad I’ve got left.” His cry tore Gustaf apart. It was more than not being there at the game and he kicked himself, he should have seen it. Had you not been so in your head with Ana you would have seen it you moron, he thought bitterly.

“I’m so sorry.” He murmured softly to the boy. “I messed this up Liam and I’m sorry.” He held the kid and let him purge it.

“Ama?” Finn called and shook her awake. She snapped her eyes open at the terror in the kids voice her gut dropping like a stone.

“Finn you ok love?” She asked bleary eyes and trying to surface from the partial coma she’d fallen into. Dead to the world was an understatement.

“Liams gone.” He stuttered over the sobs.

“What do you mean gone? He’s probably on the toilet or something.”

“No he’s gone.” The kid cried. “The front door is open.”

“The fro...” She threw the covers off, and scrambled out of bed hastily pulling her robe on. She flipped the light on in the living room but she didn’t need it to see the door was wide open. She checked on Brendan and though about waking him but held off for the moment.

LIAM?” Sildie called and Gustaf heard the terrified panic in her voice and looked to the ceiling, this was not going to end well.

Storming to the front door she could faintly hear a kid crying and a soft voice soothing, and let out a shuddered breath of relief. She knew that voice. Looking at Gustaf’s apartment door she found him wedged in the doorway with Liam in his arms. His eyes met hers and she felt the grief well up inside her, she saw the pain in his. Liam was safe and she breathed the fear out, though she was about to strip the hide from his ass, both of their asses come to think of it. This was the last fucking straw.

She dropped to her knees in front of Finn and hugged him fiercely. “I want you to go back into your room and stay there for the moment ok?” She wiped his eyes. “Thank you for coming to get me I’ll be next door with Gustaf and Liam.” She kissed his brow and saw the slight nods between sobs.

“Can I crawl into bed with Brendan?” He asked softly.

“Of course, but give me a little time with Liam before you come out ok?” She kissed him again and watched him walk to Brendan’s room before standing.

Gustaf knew she was going to rage at him, he could see it on her face as she walked toward them. He’d take it even though it wasn’t his decision to sit with Liam at three in the morning on his threshold.

“Liam Michael O’Rourke get up, right now.” She snapped crisply. He could hear the barely contained fury.

“Go easy Sildie.” Gustaf said softly, watching her carefully. The woman was about to implode.

“No, easy is not how this goes Gustaf. Get up Liam.” Her anger was boiling, no he thought, not anger, pure undiluted fear at Liam not being in bed tucked in safely. The kid slowly climbed out of Gustaf’s lap and stood near Sildie with his head hung and still crying. Her heart broke to do this as he clearly needed Gustaf, but his behavior was unacceptable.

“Back home. Right now.” She said that low tone rippling off her, the lawyer in her the only thing keeping her in control. “Sit at the table I’ll deal with you in a moment.”

Gustaf watched as the kid went through the front door of her apartment and his heart plummeted.

“Sildie he came to me and beat on the door...”

She held up her hand and he stopped talking, it was the smarter thing to do at this point. She was beyond reason and no doubt scared out of her mind.

“I’m not angry at you for this, Liam snuck out and I’ll deal with that in a moment. Although had you decided to sleep in our bed instead of walking out he might have just curled up with you instead of sneaking out.” She snapped, he deserved every bit of her fury because he’d done exactly that.

“Go easy on him he just poured his heart out to me.” He said calmly, he wouldn’t provoke her fury, it would only end badly for both of them. He didn’t care if she raged at him, he deserved it but he’d shield the kid if he could.

She shook her head. “No. He doesn’t get easy when he just scared twenty years off my life. Gustaf I thought someone had broken in and taken him.” She was shaking now and he reached for her as he stood wanting nothing more than to curl her into him and soothe, give her comfort, beg her forgiveness at pushing her so far away it seemed like he’d never get her back. The half step she took as she backed away crushed him.

“You’re angry at me.” His heart broke, had he lost her?

“You know Gustaf, I’m not angry at you for missing the soccer game, shit happens your flight was delayed and there was nothing you could do to change that. What I’m angry at was I had to hear it from Daisy when I got no answer from you. I hadn’t heard a peep from you since you landed in Helsinki. What I’m angry at is you’ve shut me out completely, pushed me so far away these past weeks I don’t know how to reach you anymore.” She scrubbed her hand over her face. She was tired, stressed, and angry, never a good combination to have a rational conversation especially at three in the goddamn morning after her kid had scared her half way to an early grave she thought. “You know what, I’m going to stop there before I say something I can’t take back.” She put her hand up and stepped back further as the tears started to fall.

“Sildie.” He started and backed off with the furious look she gave him. He’d made everything fucking worse.

“Don’t. I’m beyond angry, I’m hurt, my case is in the toilet, and I just had the fright of my life being woken by Finn at three in the morning beyond hysterical telling me his brother was missing and the front door wide open.” She choked back the sob that wanted to come and they would when she was alone because apparently she was now. “I can’t do this with you on top of everything else.” She whispered and sucked in the emotions. She looked at him and saw the overwhelming pain looking back. She took a steadying breath before she opened her mouth again. She was angry with him but she still loved him.

“Come over for breakfast if you want to, for the kids at least, but right now I have to go deal with Liam.” She said stiffly, letting the lawyer take over so she wouldn’t completely lose it. The kids always came first.

“I’m at breakfast with my sister tomorrow.” He said softly not wanting to add fuel to the fire and hurt her anymore than he already had. “And I forgot to send that to you.” He sighed, furious at himself for just realizing he hadn’t updated the calendar they shared and wanted to just disappear. Everything he said right now hurt her and drove that hurt deeper, pushing her further and further away.

“Of course you did.” She muttered and without another word, she turned and left him standing there, she couldn’t look at him anymore, couldn’t take anymore tonight.

She walked through the front door, closed it quietly and turned to see Liam still crying, head hung low. He knew he’d done the wrong thing. She wouldn’t lose her shit at him but he’d terrified her.

She sat beside him and lifted his chin with her fingers so he’d look at her. “You have every right to be angry at him for breaking a promise, but you don’t get to scare me like that Liam, ever. Your brother was terrified something had happened to you, so was I. I thought someone had broken into the apartment and taken you.” Her breath caught. “I love you Liam and I thought I’d lost you for good.” Her voice cracked as all that emotion came flooding back. That fear, overwhelming, totally consuming fear.

“I’m sorry.” He crawled into her lap and sobbed holding onto her for dear life.

“I know love.” She kissed his hair and settled him. “You could have come to me, we could have gone to see Gustaf tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted my dad.” He sobbed and her heart broke. “But he’s dead.” So he went to the only other person that had been like a dad to him. Now she felt like shit after ripping into Gustaf just now, but the guy needed to know she wasn’t putting up with being shut out of a relationship that affected more than just the two of them. It impacted the kids too, and so did him walking out tonight.

“I understand love, but you can’t run off like that, ever.” She hugged him while he let it all out. She smiled as another pair of arms came around her.

“Sorry Finn.” Liam sniffed.

“Don’t scare me like that.” The kid said softly and hugged his brother tighter. “I can’t lose you.” He cried and Sildie felt that pang of grief spear through her soul for her brother, he’d left her too.

“Ok to bed now, both of you, sleep some more, and Liam?” She said softly and the kid looked up at her. “No video games for two weekends. Chores and homework will be done without question or fuss. I understand why you needed Gustaf and I’m ok for you to go to him but your actions were not ok. Next time you let me know where you’re going.”

“Yes Ama.” He said with no argument, the kid had some smarts. “I’m sorry.” He hugged her tightly.

“I’m sorry too love. I’m sorry your dad’s not here for you.” She kissed him and he looked at her and smiled.

“But Gustaf is.” He nodded and went to his room leaving Sildie wondering what on earth he’d said to Gustaf.

She sat at the table and let the tears fall. The overwhelming fear that she’d lost Liam ripped itself from her and Gustaf wasn’t here this time to pick up the pieces, to hold her. That was its own pain. Was this the end for them she wondered? What else could she do? She couldn’t force it out of him, he had to want to tell her, he had to want to trust her and let her in but every time she gave him an opening he shut her down and shut her out. All that was left for her now was to be angry at him and she didn’t want that either.

She felt arms around her shoulders and the sobs came harder. Brendan. He’d held her, just held her while the adrenaline of the morning cried it’s way out of her.

“You ok?” He asked as he sat at the table.

“No.” She shook her head and told him about what Liam had done.

“He was pretty upset.” The teen said gently.

“Yeah and it’s understandable, I get it but he can’t run off like that. Scared twenty years off my life.” She said softly. “It’ll be ok B. I need to get showered.”

“Have some tea first. I’ll make it.” He said and went to the kitchen. “Where’s Gustaf?”

“He went home for the night he had something come up.” Like a livid girlfriend who didn’t seem to mean anything to him anymore. Was that being mean, was she being too needy she wondered? “Alice will be over in a while to sit with you guys today.” And I’ll just dip into the “Lilys bedroom fund” to pay for it she thought bitterly. Gustaf was supposed to watch the kids this weekend while she worked but that didn’t seem to matter to him anymore either. She knew he had a life, had his own shit to do and respected that, but he’d left her high and dry with no communication about anything on their calendar even after she’d told him just before he left for Helsinki and he’d agreed. She had no idea where or what he was doing so she could organize the kids around that.

She sat with Brendan, watched the sun come up and sipped tea. Brendan sat in the one seat and read his book to Lily as she played, while Sildie took a shower and readied for the day. Alice would be over soon to care for the kids while she went to the office. Life went on and Gustaf didn’t seem to care one way or the other.

She knew he was battling some dark shit. But she was left hanging between work obligations and kids when he went home last night and breakfast with his sister this morning. “So much for we’ll make it work.” She muttered bitterly as she dressed. She was being pissy and she knew it and right at this moment she didn’t fucking care. She had to get through today and tomorrow at work, deal with kids that were hurting because of Gustaf, and face her own pain, he’d left. Quinn has left and now Gustaf, she was on her own, again.

Gustaf sat at his table stunned as he scratched away in his notebook as the tears flowed easily. He was an idiot and may have just lost the best thing to have ever happened to him. She was so angry with him and had every reason to be. He’d not texted her like normal, he’d shut her out, he’d shut the kids out, and worse he’d left, he’d walked out last night and left her. With those thoughts still heavy in his mind he showered and headed to see Eija.

It was around seven that night when he knocked on her door. He figured after last night he’d tread lightly after what she’d said and ask permission into her apartment. He wanted to... hell he didn’t know what the fuck he wanted anymore or what he was doing. She’d probably slam the door in his face for real this time.

His forehead furrowed when Alice answered the door and then looked to the heavens mentally kicking himself further. He’d forgotten he was watching the kids while she was at the office this weekend.

“Hi Alice, can you hang a moment while I get a change of clothes?” He asked and hoped she’d let him in and do some of what he’d promised.

“Sure.” She said smiling. “Sildie wasn’t sure what time you’d be back from work.”

“Thanks, not really with it today, long week.” He said and went to grab his messenger bag and clothes. She’d lied to Alice for him saying he was at work, and that made him feel like shit too.

The kids were at least happier to see him. Liam hugged him and they talked. Yes he had punishment but she’d gone easy on the kid even though she’d felt like locking him up and throwing away the key if her outburst was any indication.

Brendan was happy to see him but a little standoffish. He had a feeling the kid knew something was up. Lily came to him with a dad dad and it hit him how much he loved hearing that. He got the little lady to bed, got the twins settled and came out to Brendan sitting at the table with a pot of tea.

“When is Ama due home?” He asked sitting across from the teenager, he suddenly felt like shit for the past few weeks and what he’d dragged them into. Or more to the point what he’d dragged into their lives.

“Probably around ten.” He said softly. “The big case she’s working on blew up in her face yesterday they’re doing damage control or something like that.” He shrugged.

All Gustaf could do was nod. Because he hadn’t talked to her he didn’t know what was going on with her life. No wonder she was so stressed and angry last night, his shit had only exacerbated it. Fuck, he thought, he was so fucking fucked.

“Anyway I need to get to bed. I promised I wouldn’t swindle more time from Alice so I guess that means you as well.” He snorted and left Gustaf to his thoughts.

“Night B.”

“Night.”

He poured the tea and grabbed his messenger bag, his scripts were still tucked inside waiting for his attention. He’d work on things while he waited for her. He just hoped it didn’t make things worse.

It was well past midnight when she all but fell through the door exhausted. They had somewhat saved their case. She shut the door and flipped the lock and it was only then she noticed it was very quiet. Alice must have fallen asleep, not surprising she’d had them the entire day.

She turned and stopped dead at the sight of her lanky man at the table and felt her heart stutter, that choked sob at him being here hovering ready to leap out. She couldn’t go a round with him tonight she was beat to hell and her emotions were still too raw. She wanted to fucking rage at him but knew her fiery temper would only exacerbate things.

He felt the emotional flinch at him being here and wondered if he hadn’t lost her already. He stood and went to her the silence stretching between them unbearable.

“I can...” He choked and just said it. “I can leave if you want me to.” He didn’t want to go, he wanted to curl up with her, her warmth, her scent. He’d missed her. “I just wanted to sit with the kids like I’d promise you I’d do.” Even though he’d totally forgotten and fucked that up too.

“Right now Gustaf I want to shower and pass out, I’m exhausted. If you want to stay, stay. If not, I’ll understand.” It ripped holes in her heart to say it but he’d hurt her so much and she didn’t have the emotional energy to do this, to fight for him from whatever Ana had left in her wake.

She stepped past him and dumped her work on the table noticing his own stacked neatly at the end and almost lost it.

“Goodnight.” She said softly and went to her room almost in tears. She wanted to have him stay, curled against her. She longed for his warmth, his arms around her, his smell. The tears fell as she hung up her suit and ventured to the shower. The bed was still empty when she came out and she curled up alone, again. They were fooling themselves to think this could ever work, isn’t that what this had just proved? “How do I help him Quinn? Do I need to full on go nuclear and lose my shit at him before he gets the fucking point that I love him, I care about him? I want to help but I can’t if he won’t talk to me. I can’t when I’ve got to work to feed the kids. He left, he just fucking left.” Her sobs were quiet now into the pillow as sleep claimed her.

He itched to go and lay beside her but couldn’t. He’d done the one thing he’d promised her he wouldn’t do, he’d hurt her, he’d seen it clear as day in her eyes. He packed his messenger bag and went home quietly. He now had to figure out how he was going to fix their relationship, on top of everything else. Maybe some time apart was better, let it all calm down, had they been fooling themselves he wondered?

He dumped his bag and went to his gym, wrapped his hands, slipped them into the gloves, with two gentle taps to steady the bag he breathed out and slammed his fist against it.

She read the note he left on the teapot over and over again the next morning not really believing what she was reading.

I’m sorry Sildie. I’m no good for you like this. You deserve better, the kids deserve better. Maybe we were kidding ourselves.

Not only did it enrage her it made her gut sink. Was he giving up? She didn’t know what to do, there was too much going on with work, the kids, his current emotional state, her own current emotional state. She knew she was shutting him out now but she couldn’t function if she didn’t, it hurt to think about it. She left the kids with Alice and headed back to the office, work had become her sanctuary.

He was sitting with the kids when she got home at ten and left no sooner that she’d walked through the door. During the week he came over when the kids got up and home from school, yet went to his apartment at night barely a word between them. She’d left him to his soul searching. She’d asked him to tell her, almost pleaded with him to let her in but he wouldn’t. She couldn’t force him to talk to her and he’d shut her out so completely she wasn’t sure if he ever would.

She was at the office late Wednesday when Brendan called her in tears.

“Brendan, slow down love, take a breath. What’s happened?” Her stomach clenched.

“I’m at the rink and Gustaf’s not here. He’d promised to come and was going to drive me home, he said this morning he’d be here and he’s not. Ama what if something’s happened to him? If his car...” The boy was beyond it. “What if he’s had an accident and he’s...”

“Take a breath love. Take a breath. I’ll come get you ok? I’ll come get you and we’ll figure out what’s going on ok? It’ll be fine, he probably got caught up with work.” She said quickly. If he thought she was angry on Friday he was about to learn what fucking livid looked like up close and personal she thought as she hung up and called Gustaf. She tidied her desk, grabbed her keys, and headed out. There was no answer.

“What a fucking surprise.” She muttered as she drove. She was going to flay Gustaf alive.

#gustaf skarsgard #gustaf skarsgard fanfiction #shattered lives

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tiaragqueen · 4 years

Note

Ok so i think my request for Kaneki/Haise x yandere female s/o was eaten xD my idea was.. ANGST! If possible .. :x And about an s/o who has unrequited feeling for him since their childhood and after seeing that he's got a family now, she's left deeply brokenhearted by it that she couldnt take it and she tries to end her life but failed and TRIES to kill Kaneki and Touka instead. But ill leave it to you. Whatever you think is better for the scenario. Tysm! xxxxx

Fallout

✂ Pairing: Kaneki Ken x Yandere! Ghoul! Reader

✂ Word Count: 985

✂ Trigger Warnings: Possessiveness, suicide attempt, violence, blood

[Edited]

***

Oh, man. I hope this is angsty enough. I listened to many sad songs just to immerse myself in it and I might’ve gotten carried away.

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

“Don’t you know I’ve always loved you, even before there was time. Though you turn away, I’ll tell you still. Don’t you know I’ve always loved you, and I always will.” - I’ve Always Loved You [Third Day]

Your hand shook as you pointed the tip of quinque to your other wrist. You didn’t know what possessed you to grab it after a heated battle with some investigators in the past, but you understood its function now.

After all, what was the point of living when you couldn’t be with the person you loved?

Gritting your teeth, you clenched the shard and tried to pierce the skin. You needed to do it quickly, swiftly, because otherwise it’d regenerate and you had to gather another painful wave of courage.

But you couldn’t do it, no matter how hard you tried. It wasn’t that easy to kill yourself as you did to other people. It wasn’t that easy to slice your own skin the same way you sliced people’s flesh. It wasn’t that easy to watch the blood flow from your body the same way you saw people bled to death.

It wasn’t that easy, and that was why it sucked, knowing that you had to live another day of pure loneliness and envy. It sucked knowing that your childhood crush had moved on from you and created his own family, although you never once confessed to him.

Still, would it be too much to ask for him to notice you? Just for once?

And the answer was yes. Yes, it was too much to ask because he, just like you, was shy and would rather hide his feelings from discerning eyes. If confronted, he’d probably beat around the bush instead. That served to prove just how kind he was in dealing with feelings. Kind, not honest.

Then again, he’d never loved you, hadn’t he?

Bowing, you tossed the shard away and hid your tear-stained face under your hands. It was useless, you couldn’t do it. You could never do it. What was the point in trying something when you knew you’d fail anyway? The survival instinct was too great for you to curb, and there was still a small part of you that hoped maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe you could still fix some things to make him see your true, unadulterated feelings. Maybe you could even turn his attention towards you and forget that woman.

The time seemed to slow as a malevolent smile slowly cracked and shattered your defeated mien. Yes, you could do that. You were a ghoul, after all. You were no longer the same fragile human who relied on other people to handle your problems and protect you. You were different now; stronger and tougher. You were certain you could take his wife down. If your memory served you right, ukaku was weak against koukaku.

Fortunately, your target was the only one in the house.

Kicking the door down, you scanned the room for her existence. You didn’t have to wait long, however, because Touka soon appeared with her kakugan activated.

“Who are you?!” she snarled, body tensed in a flight or fight mode.

You didn’t answer and opted to smirk instead. “So, this is the King’s wife, huh? Quite pretty, might I say.” Your smirk widened in response to her colder glare. “I’m afraid you won’t be able to live any longer, though.”

“What the hell do you mean–?”

Touka promptly dodged your thrust, but not quick enough to avoid a small scratch on her cheek. Hissing, she manifested her ukaku and started shooting spike-like projectiles in your direction. You smiled and leaped backward, essentially bringing the fight outside. There weren’t any people in the neighborhood, strangely enough, but it was good. Nobody would become collateral damage, and you hated dragging the innocents to your battles.

Large cracks and crystallized kagune deformed the once smooth ground and busted the neighboring houses. It was obvious the longer you both fought, the more exhausted you seemed. And yet, you persisted and kept attempting to stab her to no avail. Her agile movements and light kagune ensured she evaded your strikes easily. Have you been underestimating her or have you been weakening?

It couldn’t be it… right? You’d worked your way to become an S rank ghoul, and you’d devoured ghouls before. Your hands had been repeatedly stained by the death of investigators and ghouls alike. You’d spent days and nights training relentlessly so you wouldn’t have to depend on anyone else again.

No, it wasn’t because you were weak or anything embarrassing like that. It was because–

“Touka-chan!”

– She was his wife.

Kaneki rushed to her aid while you landed a few meters away from them, watching the way he examined her body for any sign of injury. And her daughter, sweet little Ichika that you only saw from the pictures your association had given you, fussed over her well-being. She finally noticed your reticent being, and that was when you realized just how… similar she looked to him. Same hair color, same innocent face, same large eyes.

She resembled Kaneki so much it physically hurt you to see her any longer.

“[N-Name]-chan? Is that… is that you?” Your melancholic eyes glided to his dilated ones, a hand clutching your constricting chest. Kaneki gaped at your disheveled state, and you wondered if there was anything positive behind that expression. If he was happy to meet you again as you’d always imagined.

He probably didn’t, the pessimistic voice within you said. Who would be happy to see their old friend harming their lover? Shoulders slumped, you lowered your gaze sadly once the consequences of your rash actions sunk in. Did he hate you now? Was he going to avenge her now?

Was he going to hurt you like he always did with his obliviousness?

There was no answer to that. You didn’t allow yourself the closure you so desperately needed because you immediately spun and fled. Tears flowed from your eyes as you jumped from one building to another, unaware of the hand that yearned to touch you again.

#yandere anime au #anime yandere #yandere anime #anime yandere au #yandere imagine #yandere scenario #yandere oneshot #yandere reader #yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere tg scenario #yandere tg oneshot #yandere tg imagine #yandere tg #yandere tg story #Kaneki x yandere reader #Kaneki ken x yandere reader

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resilientkitteh · 3 years

Text

Epiphany: I am a good person

Long Post: TW-Abuse, self harm, negative self talk So tonight as I was driving home from a fun albeit long and exercise filled shift at work I had an epiphany. I am a good person. And for the first time in my life, of which I have been alive for somewhere between 2 and 3 decades...I actually truly believe it! I can't believe that I do, because I grew up not believing it and actually believing the exact opposite about myself. But driving home tonight, remembering how the kid I nanny for was smiling and jumping into the pool toward me and knowing I wouldn't let anything happen to him, something clicked. It was amazing to see that connection finally ring true and of course because I am me it led to quite a few happy tears being shed. But I truly believe without a doubt now that I am a good person which is not something I really ever expected to happen.

I grew up around terrible people in a house where I was not loved or cared for properly for most of my life. The adults that were in charge of my well being were terrible and didn't know how to regulate their emotions...unless it was by yelling at me. I was abused physically, emotionally and mentally for most of my life and only truly escaping the last of my abusers around the time I turned 21. Considering that the people raised me took out all of their negative emotions on me it's not really a surprise that I had no self confidence and a lot of self hatred and loathing. Everyone around me hated me so why should I feel any differently about myself than they did? I was struggling to stay alive and yet at the same time I just wanted it all to be over.

I grew up believing that I was evil and a mistake and that I would never amount to anything. And I internalized those words as essentially the basis of who I was, because that is what happens when you are constantly abused during your formative years. It sticks with you and is damn near impossible to, for a lack of a better word, deprogram. But with lots of therapy and the help of therapists who listen to me and finally being in a safe place where I am NOT always in flight or fight mode, I have started to heal. I am learning to truly love myself and to fight back against those negative cognitions that I was told growing up.

Today's epiphany proves just how much therapy is helping me. I truly believe I am good person! I know that I am and nothing I have been through or will go through will ever take that knowledge away from me now. It's a wonderful feeling and I just want to scream it from the rooftops! I feel good about myself in a way I didn't know was possible. It's one thing to have others tell you that you are a good person. It's a WHOLE other thing entirely to believe that you are a good person. I may have been raised by terrible people...but I have grown into a good person and the kind of adult that I needed growing up. For that I am both immensely grateful and proud.

#healing #emdr #living with cptsd #small victories #survivor #break the cycle

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atendersun-archived · 3 years

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🎰 c:

Mason & Shoku: In all honesty, he’d probably think they were so cool. At where he is in life, he feels as though he missed out on the chance to be rebellious in his youth due to the fact that he kind of went from immature teenage boy that sought out the approval of the adult figures in his life he seemed to miss the mark of every time, to being a young adult left to deal with a lot of feelings on where it left his self worth. Due to a lot of things, he is much more set on being diligent and well behaved, because he otherwise feels as though he can’t be trusted too long with his own devices not to make a mistake. If he were to catch glimpse of them just doing something as minor as pocketing a small item from a shop without a care in the world, he’d want to befriend them on the basis of knowing how to become someone that cared far less about the idea of getting in trouble. Also, he’s been put through the wringer in a lot of ways enough that the fellow 24 year old could do nothing to really get that much of a rise out of him. If anything, he’d actually be more than happy to remain present in their life while they work out some of their own personal issues. Even if it means hearing a lot of foul language in the process. They are going to become another neurodivergent friend of his, and they are going to like it.

Mason & Chepi: One, She has small, he has small dog. Dogs have to go on walks, so, you see.. Two, her physical appearance would really striking to him just in general enough that he would be inclined to approach her on that alone. He knows of Native Americans, of course, but can not ever really recall ever having a strong bond with anyone of that background, and would be very interested in hearing about how being mixed has impacted her experiences in the world. Three, they both are some emotional, tea loving people. He’d be plenty content with approaching a conversation with her over them picking the same flavor of beverage at a local café where he would then proceed to talk with her about flower infused tea. It was something he picked up during a real low in his life, yet he has since made it more of a treat than anything in his current life due to the beauty in it.

Mason & Beckett: This one scary, but has yet to really be someone that he refuses to befriend no matter what his judgement may warn him of otherwise. Murderer? Doesn’t matter. He’s calling them Scrappy Doo, and inviting them to his home to watch Scooby Doo movies with him. Especially the first live action one. There will be no escape. It would simply take a small fraction of a second spent taking a sip of water, or wiping one’s face for him to spot the existence of the younger’s scars. From there, he’d want to adopt them even at the realization that Beckett is in fact an adult just like himself. Though, in reality, he wouldn’t have actually considered the person he was at 20 to be an adult. So, honestly, that would probably just entice him more to get to know them. At their age, he was not doing a whole lot more than crying and feeling out of place with the world around him. He’d love to act as a protective figure to someone that he’d have basked in the admirable glow of someone he’d have annoyed the patience out of if the pair had met back in the day.

Mason & Daevy: I hate to say it, but this one would be too smart for him. Not necessarily in the way that it would mean that he is afraid of her necessarily, but he definitely would have no idea how she is even capable of doing what she does. If it were someone like him leading behind the scenes, the lot of them would have been caught within seconds. Between his tendency to overshare information, and his inability to think for one second that someone ISN’T trustworthy, he’d give out everyone’s whereabouts without even realizing it. That, in a lot of ways, though, is what would make him want to be around her even more. She could be being mean to someone in a public setting, such as a person in the service industry for getting something wrong with an order, or for someone getting in her way, and he will be right there chiming in with a “you know.. that.. that’s very nice. I think you should say sorry, cause you hurt their feelings.” He is 5′9, is very physically fit to the point he could probably pick her up if he tried, and yet he would STILL cry if she raised her voice at him. However, he believes in the power of kindness that he would persevere in her company in order to break through to wherever the softness of her heart lives.

Mason & Ellio: If you are really quiet, you can hear the internal screams of a man who would feel less like a man for just being in a room shared by Ellio. If he were to let up on being unnecessarily intimidated, he’d harmlessly inquire the other on what their workout routine consists of. He’s always looking for friends that would be happy to exercise with him, or teach him how to spare. His thoughts on fighting have been black and white for so long. Growing up, he never wanted to engage in any physical violence out of not wanting to hurt another person that he essentially made himself compliant to a lot of things that overstepped his boundaries in the process. Slipping into flight mode, or even fawn, when a situation that scares him arises is concerning to him, yet he’d be more open to teach his mind how to respond in other ways if the person he was practicing key movements of self defense on someone he knows for certain can handle it. Don’t worry, though, Ellio, Muu hits weaker than a girl. There are actually quite a few women with the capability to beat him up, and barely are above 5′3.

#yecrn #muu would like to singlehandedly throw hands with dyno just so duffy and nutter butter and live a happy life #he would let her be mean to him with no cost other than he wanna pet small animal

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ashintheairlikesnow · 5 years

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Bad Things Happen Bingo: Worked Themselves to Exhaustion

Heeeey, @badthingshappenbingo is finally underway! @burtlederp asked for Worked Themselves to Exhaustion with Ryan as our POV/Main, so here it is!

Bloodstains = requested, puppy sticker = completed

This is set post-rescue and post-trial. Tagging the crew: @spiffythespook, @bleeding-demon-teeth, and @special-spicy-chicken!

CW: Very little, actually! Some references to parental abuse and implied/references past assault/violence, but mostly this is just Ryan being Ryan

Ryan woke up with a start to discover he’d fallen asleep sitting at the kitchen table, forehead resting on one arm and the other simply hanging loose down at his side.

He still had the mug of coffee he’d been drinking sitting next to him, his fingers loosely curved around the handle. He dragged his free hand up and over to find the ceramic had totally cooled, the coffee no doubt cold and stale inside.

He blinked, lifting his head slowly, wincing at the crick of pain in his neck. What time was it? How long had he been asleep? His phone was buzzing on the table next to him and he blinked, blearily looking over at it. Must've been what woke him. Fuck, was it really 9:45 already?

When he saw ‘MOM’ and the photo he’d set of he and Corrine at the beach a couple of years ago lighting up the screen, he groaned, hit the button to silence it, and let his head drop back to the table.

He was so fucking tired and he did not have the energy to deal with his mother right now. Maybe not ever again, not where Danny was concerned.

She would tell him to get an aide, she was always telling him to get an aide. Move out (you can move right back in the house with Dad and I until you find a place, no reason to linger there wasting your twenties), leave him and Vandrum with a full-time home health care aide.

You shouldn’t feel obligated to take care of him, Ryan.

But he did, and maybe if Mom had ever felt obligated to really care about Danny, he wouldn’t have ended up wearing a goddamn dog collar in western Canada.

Not that it was Canada’s fault, or anything. Ryan hadn’t ever realized how fucking huge Canada was, before he’d flown into Edmonton on the fastest flight he could find, rented a car, and then drove and drove and drove and fucking drove to the police station his brother was waiting in - only to realize it had been more hours upon hours of driving for Nate to get Danny there in the first place.

That cabin in the woods had been literally in the middle of fucking nowhere, and Ryan couldn’t possibly have known, right?

He should have, though. He should have, and maybe none of it would ever have happened if his mother and father hadn’t said all that shit to Danny five years ago about regretting adopting someone who didn’t want to be part of the family business, and therefore part of the family.

They might not see their obligations, but Ryan did. He was obligated, because while Danny had been up in those woods suffering, learning to believe that Denner fucker's lies that he isn't a person, that his body belongs to Denner to use however he wants, learning to call himself a puppy and give up his name and his body and his humanity to stay alive, Ryan had been looking in all the wrong places trying to find him.

He had looked for four straight years. He'd started looking the day Danny didn’t come home from his weird meetup with the older guy he was either just crushing hard on or actually dating, no one seemed to know, and he'd kept looking until the day the cops called and said We’ll know for sure once we’ve done the DNA test, Mr. Michaelson, but we’re pretty sure this man is your brother. He had never, ever stopped looking.

He had leveraged his parents’ wealth and influence to pull together private searches long after law enforcement had given up. He had kept looking even when the cops and the FBI stopped helping them find a living man and started focusing on recovering a corpse one day, maybe decades from now, when some dumbass hiker might trip over his brother’s bones in the woods-

Stop it. He survived. You brought him home. You couldn't have known where Denner would take him. You couldn't have done more.

Yes, he could have.

He had been looking, but he hadn’t looked hard enough. He'd looked in the wrong spots, he had missed clues, somewhere, somehow. What if there had been a white hair in the bloodied car they missed? What if Denner had left a fingerprint on Vandrum's apartment building? What if what if what if.

What if none of it would ever have changed a thing?

No, his mother didn't understand, but he couldn’t ever give enough of himself to Danny's recovery to make up for what he had lost, for what he was still losing. For time suffered and time spent trying to heal.

His mother’s photo blinked away and the phone went back to empty black. Ryan sighed in relief… only to watch it light right back up as she tried a second time.

“No, fucking no,” He groaned, fighting the child’s urge to answer just because it was her, because he loved her, because she loved him. Him, but not his brother. The eternal hidden truth of the Michaelson family - one child loved, the other left out, chased off, and lost. "Leave a goddamn voicemail, Mom, come on."

He'd been up all night, for the third night in a row, and Ryan was tapped the fuck out.

One super fun discovery Ryan had made about bringing home two people who had lived in nonstop fight-or-flight-or-freeze mode for four years was that they never stop getting sick.

Danny's immune system had apparently just checked out at some point and left, and Ryan could usually handle it, but this virus or whatever it was... was bad.

Vandrum usually did his best to help, but he had caught the bug, too, this time. Which meant two grown men reduced to middle-of-the-night coughing fits and all-day fevers, two grown men essentially helpless, two grown men Ryan had found himself in charge of.

Ryan wasn't only taking care of his traumatized older brother who refused to let him touch him, even just to check to see if his fever had broken, but also his brother’s equally traumatized maybe-boyfriend who never flinched or pulled away but who instead stared at Ryan with glassy, frightened green eyes and gritted teeth as he simply put up with Ryan’s clumsy attempts at caretaking in silence, only breaking it with the occasional pl-please let Red sl-sleep, he can’t d-d-do chores today, I’ll d-do his chores f-for him, please...

One more day of this and Ryan might crack.

He's stocked the fridge with all the stuff he remembered Mom buying when they were sick as kids - ginger ale and Pedialyte (did adults drink that shit? Vandrum and Danny hadn't put up a fight when he brought it to them and God knew they weren't keeping any food down yet), chicken soup from the deli in little microwave-safe containers, some Gatorade. There were saltines open on the counter, from the only experiment with solid food either man had attempted since they first got sick.

Ryan had never seen someone throw up saltines before, but at least Vandrum had seemed decently ashamed of himself for it. Danny hadn't even tried them.

It's 9:45 in the morning and all Ryan wants to do is crawl back into his own bed and drift, but if he does he knows one of them will need him, and the only thing worse than not sleeping is finally, finally getting to sleep only to be almost immediately woken up by grown men so knocked out by some kind of virus that they could hardly stand on their own.

Ryan slowly sits up straight, feeling pops along his spine from having been slumped over the table for so long, wondering if twenty-four was too young to have his fucking bones crack when he moves, like an old man.

“One hour,” He says out loud, to no one in particular. “If they don’t need anything in the next hour, I’m giving up and going to fucking bed.”

He pours himself a fresh cup of coffee, which does absolutely nothing to alleviate his exhaustion. He listens to the voicemail his mother eventually leaves, after her third and fourth attempts go unanswered.

Here’s to hoping you’re sleeping, Ryan, and don’t worry, I was just wondering how you were doing and if you had any updates on how Danny and his, um, friend are doing. I can have Mrs. Verona over there to give you a break, poor dear, just say the word.

I was sleeping, Mom, Ryan thinks bitterly, rubbing at his forehead with the heel of one hand as he listens, ignoring for the moment that technically he had fallen asleep sitting at the table like a parent with a newborn and not an adult with a sick brother. Your fucking phone calls woke me up, congratulations, Corrine Michaelson, you’re a gold-star mom today.

No, that wasn’t fair. She was just worried, Mom knew he wasn’t sleeping enough since Danny came home. She was just trying to help, with the offers of an aide or of sending Mrs. Verona over for a day.

She wasn’t trying to chase Danny off again, she wasn’t trying to make him feel like less-than even when he’d only just really started to get his feet under himself again. She just wanted to help Ryan, like always, and was so blinded by it that she missed that what helped Ryan sometimes hurt Danny.

She’d never meant to be awful to Danny, really, it had always just… happened.

Why do you always make excuses for her? Why don’t you just admit it, give it a name, and try to protect him from them while he’s still so fragile and so easily torn apart all over again? He needs someone who can stand up for him this time, and you never have, you always, always let them blame him. You let him run to Eureka to get away from them, so he was in this stupid town when that fucking psychopath came calling to pick his ex up again.

You let them chase Danny away, and it’s your fault he was here when Abraham Denner wanted a new victim. It’s your fault, Ryan, and you have to fix it, so stop whining to yourself about being tired and take care of the brother you couldn’t save when it counted.

You can start by calling what Mom and Dad do to Danny what it is, by calling it-

“Ryan?”

He’d been so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t heard anyone coming, but he looks up now to see Danny leaning against the open-framed doorway to the kitchen, staring in at him with stark surprise written across his face.

The wavy red hair is sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck and his blue eyes are fever-bright, two bright red splotches mark his cheeks. His face is otherwise chalk-white, freckles and the ring of half-healed scarring standing out in garish, nearly neon red in a perfect outline of that fucking thing Ryan can barely stand to think about.

“What’re you doing up? You look dead on your feet, man.” Ryan stands up, slowly so he doesn’t surprise him - Danny still doesn’t like it when people move too fast around him, and the fever definitely doesn’t help with that problem - and sets his coffee mug on the table. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

“I’m not s’posed to, to be in th’ bed.” Danny glances over his shoulder, then back, putting a finger to his lips. “Ssshhh. He must’ve… told Nate it was okay...” Danny’s eyes drift, aimlessly, to the side, looking with confusion at the window above the kitchen sink, with the faded, ancient little pleated floral curtain that had been in the apartment when Danny moved in. “That’s not right. What d’you think he did to earn me getting to sleep in the bed?”

Something in Ryan cracks a little more, the way it always does every single time Danny says something else like this, some new piece of heart-deep horror that Danny doesn’t even seem to recognize for what it is.

“I don’t suppose it would help to tell you you’re home,” Ryan says, wearily, thinking longingly about the last few swallows of hot coffee left and whether it’s worth drinking it if it’s not going to even touch the fatigue. “Would it?”

“I wish I could go home.” Danny speaks the words so softly Ryan nearly misses them. “I wish, but there isn’t one anymore. I know all the rules. I’m so fucking tired, Ryan. Are you still looking for me?”

“Danny?” He’s so exhausted that it takes too long, far too long, for it to really sink in that Danny isn’t talking to him at all, but to some memory he’s having, that Danny’s lost in the woods again.

“I wish I got to keep my name.” Danny whimpers the words more than speaks and then slides straight to the floor in one swift motion. Ryan can’t cross the distance in time to stop him and Danny thumps to the ground nearly bonelessly, still braced against the door frame, closing his eyes slowly and resting the side of his head against it. “You have to look in the woods, Ryan. We’re in the woods.”

When Ryan crouches in front of him, reaching out one hand, he doesn’t flinch or pull away, not when Ryan’s palm presses against his sweaty, boiling-hot forehead, not when he feels the rabbit-fast flutter of his pulse in the side of his neck.

“Whatever you want,” Danny mumbles, eyes half-opening, then closing again. “Do whatever you want. I’ll be good.”

He’s going to have to stand Danny up, and he can barely find the energy to straighten his legs for himself. Three days - three days of the fevers that come and go, the coughing that wakes him up when he does sleep, his mother’s worried phone calls, Vandrum being fucking useless because he’s sick, too.

He just.

It’s just too fucking much and Ryan never realized how hard it would be to do all of this totally alone.

“Danny, I’m so goddamn tired,” Ryan says out loud, near tears himself. “I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep taking care of you-”

“S’okay,” Danny slurs back to him. “Go back t’bed. I can make breakfast. I need to do chores… s’time, he can’t see I’m late, he can’t, can’t see-” Danny starts trying to push himself back to his feet, and Ryan is half-impressed, half-horrified when his desperately ill brother manages to make himself stand back up, knees locked, glittering, distant eyes fixed on the sink. Ryan stands with him, slowly, his hands out but uncertain what to do next. “Do dishes. Start with dishes. He has to see I’m still working…”

Danny takes a step and simply collapses forward, but this time Ryan is there to catch him under the arms in an awkward half-hug, and Danny shudders at the touch but he’s too weak to pull away or fight back, too weak to even try.

“Look in the woods,” Danny mutters, and his forehead falls against Ryan’s shoulder, thumping into it hard enough to make Ryan wince. “Look in th’ woods for us. Sssshhhhh… everything’s so fuckin’ loud…”

“You’re the only one talking here, buddy,” Ryan murmurs, closing his own eyes just for a second, feeling himself sway a little, a sort of dip in his brain where the white fog of tired takes over before his eyes jolt back open. “Shit. I, I have to sleep, Dan, or I’m gonna die.”

“Don’ die,” Danny mutters, without moving even an inch. “Don’ die. Mom’ll be mad at me.”

Ryan laughs, and after a second Danny huffs a sound that might be laughter, too, and finally Ryan braces himself, pushing Danny back up to where he’s taking at least a little of his own weight. “Okay, okay. I got an idea. Go back to my room, okay? We’ll lie down in there.”

“I have to start chores,” Danny protests faintly, his eyes dancing around aimlessly again, then landing back on Ryan’s face. “Can you tell Mom to call me in sick today? There’s no way I’m going to school. Abraham’s gonna be so mad at me... I can’t go t’school today...”

“You’re twenty-six years old, big brother,” Ryan grunts as he manages to get Danny’s arm around his shoulder to hold him up, taking his weight, his head pounding. He just had to get to bed. Just that far, not too far at all. “You haven’t been in school for a long time.”

“Oh.” Danny frowns, confused, and when Ryan starts trying to walk, he drags his feet along beside him, nearly shuffling. Their progress down the hallway is slow, but damn it, it still counts as progress, and Ryan can see his bedroom door getting closer with every step. “Did I graduate? I don’t remember that.”

Ryan sighs, taking a pause to redistribute Danny’s weight. He’s going to fall over right here in the hallway, pass out and sleep for a week. Right there on the floor. Maybe someone will drop an omelet or something for him to eat while he’s down there.

Who would make it, though, if Danny and Vandrum are both totally useless? Maybe if he called his mother, she’d send Mrs. Verona over with, like, a fucking honeyed ham or something.

“No, Dan, you didn’t. You were still one semester out. They sent you an honorary degree, though, I have it stashed somewhere.”

You know, when they thought you were dead, when everyone but me gave up.

“Honor degree.” Danny giggles, the sound eerie and unfamiliar, a high-pitched noise he’s almost never made in Ryan’s entire memory. “Degree for honor. What’s honor when you fuck like I do now?”

“If there is a God, may you never say anything like that ever again.” Ryan manages to get his door open, although only barely, and he stumbles a few feet into the room before simply letting Danny fall right into the bed, breathing hard.

“May I have permission to sleep?” Danny mumbles, eyes already closing as he mostly crawls his way further into the bed. Ryan’s heard him ask Nate Vandrum that question every fucking night since they brought him home, with the occasional lapse when he remembers he’s a human being and grown-ass humans don’t have to ask permission to fall asleep.

Just like they shouldn’t have to ask permission to shower or bathe or sit in a chair and not on the floor or eat with a fork or…

No. Too tired to be angry right now.

“Yes,” Ryan says heavily. “Yes, you can sleep.”

“Thank you for letting me sleep, Ryan.” The voice is soft and fuzzy, gentle and grateful, and Ryan fucking hates Danny’s stupid fucking rules and his stupid fucking puppy voice. And he hates that he’s so tired that he can’t stop himself from being angry that Danny still uses it rather than focusing on the fact that sometimes, for whole days, he doesn’t.

“No problem, buddy. Get some rest.”

He watches Danny curl up, turning his six-foot-two body into something shockingly small. His knees go to his chest and his arms curve over his head with his hands loosely splayed over his hair, a defensive position to ward off the blows that might be coming at any time.

He never slept like that before, he’d said to Vandrum one night early on, when they’d both woken up and caught Danny curled up like that on the floor next to the couch.

Yeah, w-w-well, your p-parents didn’t w-w-wake him up with head t-trauma, did they? Nate had said, and Ryan had hated him a little less, in the moment, when he’d seen the guilt written across his face. Nate was always guilty, and he damn well should be, but Ryan had plenty to be guilty about, too.

Plenty to make up for.

And he’ll be right back to that as soon as he gets some goddamn sleep.

Ryan sighs, swaying a little, and finally climbs in, sliding under the covers, unruly black curls falling over his face. He watches Danny, already out, curled up and ready to be kicked awake at any moment.

He falls asleep with one hand out, resting on top of the comforter within inches of Danny, not quite touching him.

#Daniel Michaelson's story #Bad Things Happen Bingo #bthb Daniel Michaelson's story #whump #trauma recovery #angry caretaker #broken whumpee #deconditioning #conditioning #dehumanization #pet whump #recovery whump #hurt/comfort #h/c #sick fic #of a sort #I suppose #ryan michaelson is a good brother

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servetolive · 5 years

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i know (reno/cloud strife covid isolation bs)

CW: swearing, sex, pandemic anxiety Rating: M Notes: This is just the first two bits. Once I finish three, it’ll go up on AO3.

-- It was like The Planet was still pissed at them and wanted them gone for good.

The Shinra scientists that could have told the world where the virus had come from and how to fight it were still very dead, and their replacements were still very young and had yet to complete their training in Mideel, although they quickly found themselves in the very powerful and stressful position of being tasked with doing so anyway.

Kind of like Reno. He’d been trained for sorties, not relief, but he had the unenviable position of being one of a handful of skilled pilots left to run essential drops to and from Midgar and Junon. He was mobilized as soon as the infected count breached two-thousand–which wasn’t a lot, but for the stacked living situation of Midgar’s inhabitants, one didn’t need to be Reeve or a virologist to understand how serious things would get in the next several days and weeks.

Almost immediately, the vulnerable members of their group were shuttered away. Rufus disappeared into his unmarked chateau west of Kalm, Tifa closed the bar and forbade her charges from leaving or anyone else from visiting–friends included–and Cloud had predictably begun packing for his isolation in the Plains before anyone had even advised him to do so.

As field hospitals were being thrown up outside of Edge, Reno tossed Cloud’s duffel bags into his helicopter, its blades still whirring. Cloud wore a sleeved jacket, zipped to the neck, long pants, gloves, and a face mask, and it briefly occurred to Reno that this was the most clothes he’d ever seen his friend wear since they’d been enemies.

“That everything?” Reno asked, his voice muffled by his own mask, which was much heavier than the thin paper one that Cloud wore, and looked odd containing his face when his red hair stuck out in all directions. It had been years since he’d donned a flight suit, and now he was masked and gloved, his sleeves bonded tightly to his wrists with duct tape. He tried not to think of the heat and the sweat rolling down his back as he wiped his hairline with the inside of his elbow–then cursed himself for touching his face.

I’m clean, he had to reassure himself.

Cloud’s lightest sword–he’d need nothing heavier–was the last thing to load. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

With no need for pre-checks, Reno advised Cloud to strap himself in so they could take off.

“Take it easy, Reno,” Cloud asked. “Please.”

All Reno did was nod. Without being able to see his friend’s facial expressions, the experience of talking to him before he was about to drop him off in the middle of nowhere before who-knows-how-long was a strange one that he didn’t want much to do with.

–

The thirty minute ride to Cloud’s small cabin west of the Old Man’s chocobo farm was almost completely silent, save for the chatter on the radio. Cloud did his best to focus on one point on the horizon to keep from getting sick, but this was the longest time Reno had shut up since they began seeing each other. Like everything else happening around them, it was unsettling.

It hadn’t been long, but the last few months had been an intense whirlwind of absolutely every goddamned thing; Cloud had no idea humans were capable of so much range of emotion. Reno was the first person he’d ever met that he could talk to about nothing for hours, or listen to for hours; the first person he could sit in quiet with, just vibing with each other and soaking up the other’s energy or lack thereof. They were different and had so much in common; they talked about their time in Shinra, compared grunt stories, shared their guilt about the past. Cloud watched videos on his phone while Reno sat next to him, drawing out designs for tattoos or sketching still objects.

They shared space the way they shared cigarettes. Reno was the only person that could invade Cloud’s space the way that he did, and they would talk to each other with faces only inches apart, Reno’s loud voice hushed and low as if he only wanted Cloud to hear what he said. Cloud normally avoided eye contact, but he repaid Reno’s exclusive intimacy with his full attention, blue eyes to blue eyes, and it always appeared to observers that they drank each other up while only talking about the weather or their week’s plans.

They danced like they fucked, and the whole world that saw them had no issue imagining the latter. No enemies to fight left them with free time to explore themselves without the Company bleeding into their identities. Reno had no trouble with that; he’d been many things before a Turk and a soldier, but the military was all Cloud knew, and transformation had been a unique one. Reno had done street dancing since he was a kid, Cloud picked up pole dancing to recover atrophied muscle from his long illness, and they met each other in the middle.

Cloud’s gymnastic abilities from his time in the army had given him a knack for this new craft that had gotten him to the position of an instructor within six months. It had taken more than a decade for Reno to be that good, but he didn’t care. He loved seeing Cloud move his body in unexpected ways; he loved teaching Cloud choreography in his own craft, and he loved how willing a student he was.

Dancing was their second bed. It was their primary form of communication besides sex, and now all of it was gone. Gone, for the foreseeable future. No classes, no showcases, no shared knowledge, no shared space, no shared cigarettes, no shared pole, no shared bed. Just unreadable gazes over partially obscured faces.

Cloud tried not to think about that. He at least, was fine being alone for long stretches of time, and had experience with compartmentalizing grief, but he worried for his friend, who was widely known to be rather shit at containing himself or doing without.

For now, Reno seemed to be running on enough adrenaline for him to focus on things other than the fact that he wouldn’t be making out with Cloud in public or sharing a blunt in private with him; that all the new ways they’d found pleasure and comfort within the confines of their relationship had been ripped away overnight.

When things slowed down a bit, Reno would be the first to lose it. Cloud knew it, but he sat there and said nothing until the helicopter landed near the grassy knoll about a half-click away from the half-furnished cabin Cloud had bought a season ago.

Reno did nothing to change that. He left his mask in his seat, left the engine running, kicking up grass and dirt and pollen all around them, dismounted and immediately set to grabbing as many of Cloud’s things as he could carry. Cloud jumped out himself and did the same, squinting his eyes against the foreign particles that flew into them.

They worked in tandem like they were on some jungle mission, like they’d known each other in their infantry days. They didn’t waste a single movement, passing each other items to set on the ground, rotating to grab more. Their last dance for a good while.

It was getting dark. Both of them needed to hurry for different reasons. Reno was expected in Junon to pick up personnel and supplies, and he preferred not to fly at night. Cloud had no electricity and needed to rectify that before his phone died and his perishable food went bad.

“Drop it here.” It was about twenty paces from the front door, but the items were heavy and Cloud didn’t want to keep Reno.

“You sure?” Before Reno got an answer, he set the box of cooking supplies down and dropped the duffel bag he’d carried.

Cloud ripped off his paper mask, now filled with bits of hay and other allergens.

“Yeah. Go,” he encouraged.

Cloud’s hair whipped around, strands of it smacking harshly into his eyes, causing him to squint. Reno’s look was indecipherable, a sign that he was miles away from Cloud and their shared life already. Cloud was glad for that. Had millions of people not been counting on Reno then, and had he been capable of realizing in that moment that this was the last time he would actually see Cloud’s face for what promised to be a very long while, he would have violated both Cloud’s and Mideel’s social distance boundary and drowned him with his tongue.

Quietly, he admired that about Reno; his unwavering professionalism and his focus when something was important. It was a quality his own branch of friends never saw over his swagger and brashness.

He’d wanted to end on a lighter note, and tell him how good he looked in a flight suit, but it seemed grossly inappropriate to do at that moment, with Reno’s hardened mindset in full consideration. All he could manage was “Take care of yourself. Wash your hands.”

“You too, Cloud.” Reno turned back toward his bird, calling out over his shoulder, his voice getting louder as he approached the chopper’s blades. “Call if you need somethin’, and I’ll get it to you.”

“I will.” He would try not to, really, but he said it for Reno’s sake. “Text me when you’re home!”

“Keep your fuckin’ phone on!” The last thing Reno yelled from the seat of his chopper before taking off was “And call Tifa!”

Cloud shielded his eyes and watched the aircraft for a few moments more before tearing away and moving into work mode himself.

II.

The trip to Junon was only supposed to last about as long as it took to get there, but the ritual of inventory and decontamination had placed Reno’s departure time at 2300. The medics that were meant to go with him refused, preferring instead to return home and leave at Junon until first light.

Junon was the last place Reno wanted to be for any stretch of time. The idea of having to either sleep over at his mother’s place or hear her incessant bitching once she inevitably found out he’d stayed in the barracks instead made him nauseous.

No amount of swearing or cajoling could convince them to make the forty-five minute trip back to Midgar. The soldiers had all been conveniently converted into contractors, and in the time since Meteorfall, they’d learned how to take full advantage of that. A phone call from Cid made the night worse.

“Cid,” Reno said, turning from the medics and making his way off the heliport. “You motherfucker, please give me some good fuckin’ news.”

“You’re supposed to give me the good news, dumbass!” Cid hollered through the phone. Reno found a chance to smile. He figured that one day, when he was old and crusty, he’d be just like Cid, who didn’t even have that many years on him. “Ain’t you taking doctors over there?"

"Not doctors, medics. They’re all in Midgar already. There ain’t no more.” Reno lit a cigarette, knowing that Cid was likely doing the same. “I could use some help here, y'know.”

“I know that, idjit! What do you think I’m doing?"

"What’s going on with the Highwind?"

"Highwind is in Mideel already. Shera’s getting geared up n’ ready to go, I just need a crew.”

Reno paused. “What happened to the one you got?"

"One of ‘em got sick.”

Reno’s heart sank. “One?"

"If one’s sick, they’re all sick.” Cid ended the sentence with a brief string of dry coughs. Normally this would have been attributed to his smoker’s lung and wouldn’t be a problem but something about it didn’t sound right. Or Reno could be overreacting.

“You alright there, Old Man?"

"Go fuck yourself,” Cid squeezed out between coughs.

Reno didn’t feel good about it. “I dunno. Might wanna lay off the smoking for a bit.”

“I’m gettin’ off this phone, before I reach through it and choke your ass out.”

Reno stood on the helipad for a moment to collect himself.

Experience and a sour gut feeling told him that he’d be on his own for a minute.

He turned back to the helipad and dialed the number of one of the medics who was supposed to be on the flight to Midgar.

“Hello?"

"Hey, it’s your pilot.” Reno spoke clearly and took the edge out of his accent, to give himself the best opportunity at being understood the first time he explained. “Here’s what I want you to do. You’re gonna find me two people to replace you on this flight. You’re gonna tell them that people are needing their help in Midgar, and you’re gonna tell them to meet me at the helipad with their gear in a half hour. Tell them the dude with red hair is gonna be waiting on them. Got it?”

“Yeah,” a yawn, “Got it.”

“Then repeat it back to me.”

A pause. “Everyone’s asleep.”

“Wake them up.” Reno wasn’t sure how long he could keep it up.

“… And what if I don’t?"

Reno paused himself, and his tongue slackened. "You will, because I have the fuckin’ crew manifest, and I know your fuckin’ names, and I know where you’re billeted, so you’ll either get your lazy asses on this flight like you’re s'pposed to, find suitable replacements, or I’m coming down to the Medical Det F Company, A Suite, Room… ” Reno paused to look at his phone, “…309, and I'mma throw you and your fuck buddy there out that three story window, and nobody’s gonna be there to scrape you off the fuckin’ concrete, cuz they’ll all be in Midgar doin’ their jobs while you two hid in your rooms like pussies."

"Heard.” Click.

It took everything for Reno not to throw his phone. Since the Administrative Research Division had ceased to function as an entity, he hadn’t been in the habit of reminding people that he was once a Turk, but if he were that kind of asshole, none of that would have been necessary.

They made good on their agreement. In thirty five minutes, two energetic female medics ran up to Reno with their packs, obviously eager to escape Junon’s strict containment rules.

“Midgar?” One of them said.

“I’ll be damned!” Reno tossed his cigarette and kicked himself off the side of his vehicle. “Y'all ready to work?"

"Please,” the younger one said. “Get us out of here.”

“You got it.”

#fic #shinra company #reno of the turks #cloud strife #final fantasy #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ffvii #ff7 #ff7 remake #covid 19 #covid19 #covid19 fic

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blackpantahh-blog · 6 years

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Passionfruit

Erik (Killmonger) Stevens/Black!Reader

Summary: As far as reader feels, long distance relationships hardly ever work... Or do they?

Word Count: 1.9k

Notes: FR Ya’ll spare my ass cause this shit is my first posted fic and boiii im out here scared shITLESS

Listen,Seeing you got ritualistic

Cleansing my soul of addiction now ‘Cause I’m fallin’ apart.

Yeah, tension

Between us just like picket fences

You got issues I won’t mention for now, Cause we’re fallin’ apart..

You stood in the shower thinking about the last time you had a real conversation with Erik, the detached shower head close to your face as you rinsed the deep conditioner out of your stubborn curly hair. The start of this month might've actually been the end of y'all little three month relationship, ever since you moved out of Oakland to go be closer to your family in another state, he kind of cut all of your contact with him short.

The arguments started to pop up more, conversation over the phone became tense and brief. You definitely felt that spark between the two of you beginning to slip away and it was pissing you off because you still had yet to understand why he would stop speaking to you just because you moved.

You stepped out of the shower after you slid the shower head back on its mount, not bothering to ring out your wash rag as you threw it back on the towel rack. You threw your hair up in a towel, and wrapped another around your body frame, exiting the steamy bathroom to throw some shit on before bed.

‘Don’t Touch My Hair’ blasted through the speakers of your iPhone 8, to which you’d thrown on your queen mattress, letting the towel hanging off your titties fall to the floor of your modest bedroom. As you threw on some pajamas, the song playing from your phone had been interrupted shortly with a ding, as you perked up. “Who the hell’s texting me this late at night?” You fussed to yourself, eyebrows furrowed as you looked at the iMessage displayed across the screen.

My Boo “You up?”

You rolled your eyes, picking up the cell phone and typing up a reply. “Yeah. Just hopped out the shower. Y.”

“Jus wonderin. Take a pic for me.”

“Naw. Too tired for that freaky shit.”

You waited a good two minutes for a reply before you sucked your teeth, throwing your phone back down, going to sit down in front of your vanity mirror, detangling your hair carefully so you didn’t accidentally pull your hair from your damn scalp. You chuckled to yourself, it gave you a rush of confidence turning down Erik like that. He stayed expecting to get something from you when he rarely ever gave. Even though when he gave it was amazing but…. that’s besides the point.

You wasn't about to sit there and tend to his every need when he didn't do the same for you anymore. Y’all changed and it hurt like hell, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

You finally got a reply back from him, as you turned out your bedroom light, climbing under your bed sheets. “Smh.”

“When's the next time I'm gonna see you?” You decided to change the subject since it wasn't going anywhere. Despite being a little mad at Erik, you still wanted to at least have a conversation with the nigga. “IDK. Gotta see how my schedule look. Y don't you come 2 me?”

“That can be arranged.”

“Bet. Wyd?”

You instantly rolled your eyes at the question, you hated when he asked you that because every time he'd ask, you're doing something boring. “About to fall asleep. But you keeping me up ofc.”

“Good. I want you 2 think abt me when you dreamin.” You smirked at that, deciding to leave him on read as you turned your phone off with a soft ‘click’, tucking it under your pillow after plugging it in.

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

You were seriously gonna plan going back to California to see this man, but you'd have to let your people know first ahead of time so they weren't just wondering why you disappeared again.

By the time your alarm went off for work, you had sleep like two minutes max, so it made you grouchy as hell. You flipped the thin sheets off of your soft chocolate legs, eyes heavy as shit as you forced yourself to get ready for another day of your regular ass hustle.

You threw on your work uniform after taking a quick shower, grabbing up your apartment keys and essentials before you left the house for your job.

_ _ _

Listen,

Harder building's trust from a distance.

Let's rule out commitment for now, cause we're fallin’ apart.

Leavin’? You’re just doing that to get even.

Don’t pick up the pieces, just leave it for now

Cause we’re fallin’ apart.

By the time you got back to your crib, you were all the way burnt out, your feet burning and tired from running around doing so much stock in that small, agitating retail shop you worked at.

You swore as soon as you stepped through the door, your phone started ringing, making you let out a groan. “Hello?” You hadn’t even bothered to look at the caller ID to see who it was.

“Damn, who pissed you off today?” The remark made you suck your teeth as you glanced at your feet, slipping out of your ugly ass work shoes, and stumbling over to your couch. “Everybody.” You bit back, letting your eyes fall close as you laid down on the comfortable seating. “Even me?”

“Especially you.” A sleepy smile spread across your face at the sound of Erik’s deep chuckle in your ear. “But I called you to let you know that you prolly won't be able to come to visit me.”

The comment made you sit up, back aches and all, your pretty face screwing up. “And nigga why not?” Erik let out a huff of air at your aggressive attitude, he knew you'd react like this before he even said anything. “Because this week I'm working heavily so by the time I get home, Imma be tired as hell. So don't waste your time tryna visit.”

“Fuck you mean “waste my time”? Erik we haven't seen each other for months now. Why would that be a waste of time?” Another impatient noise came from his end of the line, you listened to the sudden silence coming from your phone's speaker, only brief shuffling.

“Y/N–”

“No, Erik. If you don't want me to come then just be real with me. I know that bitch that's in your house right now wouldn't want me to be there either.”

You spat, you didn't want to be the one to be starting shit but you and Erik been distant for awhile now and you were sick of it. “Y/N, that's far from the fucking case. You should know that.”

“I don't know shit anymore, Erik.” You heard Erik sigh again, “You accusing me of having bitches in my house but why the fuck you looking so fine every time you post on the gram, huh? What nigga you dressing up for?”

You were so stunned at his accusation that it made you speechless, Erik’s side getting quiet again as he waited for a valid explanation. “What are you talking about? I dress up for my damn self.”

“Then stop saying I got women in my house, and trust me when I tell yo ass that it's work that's keeping me busy.” You knew you were being unfair and irrational by accusing him of cheating, but you were so dead set on traveling to him that it infuriated you that he would tell you not to come at all.

“Fine, Erik..” You weren't about to apologise to him because you were still mad, Erik knew that much. But his work wasn't the type of job that you could just call out on. His schedule was full and he needed you to just deal with that for the time being.

“Now stop poutin’ and tell me how ya’ day went.”

_ _ _

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

Passionate from miles away

Passive with the things you say

I can't blame you, no.

It's a few weeks later and you're chilling, curled on your small loveseat as you waste away the rest of your off day watching Game of Thrones and snacking on unhealthy shit. You ran a few errands today like restocking your kitchen, and paying off your rent for the month, so now you were just relaxing in some tight ass pajama shorts and a grey tank top.

You felt your phone buzz in your lap, and then buzz again as you grabbed it from its spot huddled halfway between your legs. It was Erik.

“Open ya door.” As you read the message, loud knocking radiated throughout your apartment, making you jump from your spot on the couch, going into fight or flight mode as you approached the door. You took a peek through the peephole in the door, snatching it open when you saw Erik standing in front of your door, his dreads cascaded over his face as he stared down at the lit screen of his phone.

“What the hell are you doing here!” You hissed at him, the chain of your door lock obstructing some of your view, as you stared him down.

“Good to see you too. I thought yo ass missed me, but now we speaking through locked doors?” You rolled your eyes, closing the door to unlatch the lock. After you unlocked it, Erik opened the door to let himself in.

You glared at his feet with a raised eyebrow, his black and white Air Max 95s still laced on his feet as he stepped on your freshly vacuumed carpeted floor. “You might wanna take those off before I drag ya ass back out the door.” He rolled his eyes, taking off his expensive sneaks and putting them neatly on your shoe shelf by the door. “Thank you, sir.”

“Mhm.” He hummed, walking around your apartment, oddly scanning the area. You watched amused as he dipped down, looking under your couch, and then your loveseat. “Erik, What are you looking for.” That came out as a statement more than a legitimate question.

“That nigga you been dressin’ up for lately.” The comment made you double over with laughter, as Erik rose back up from his spot where he was laid out on the floor, staring at you with a stoic expression. “You think I’m playin’ Y/N?”

“Yes. Yes I do.” You caught your breath after cracking up, crossing your arms again. “Nigga, you came all the way here just for that? I’m hurt.”

“No, babygirl,” He walked across the room to where you stood, grabbing both of your arms to uncross them, letting his own slip around your waist, pulling you towards him in one quick motion. “I came here to see my chocolate goddess.” He leaned in for a kiss, to which you dodged by moving your head back, watching him frown up, “Stop playin’.” You snorted, letting a smile spread across your face as you lifted your arms to wrap around his neck, leaning up on your tip-toes.

“I missed you so damn much, babygirl.” You hummed in reply, practically melting in his grasp as you relished in the feel of his lips against your own. Your eyebrows furrowed deeply, pulling back from the kiss suddenly, as Erik opened his eyes, eyeing you curiously.

“Erik– how’d you get my fuckin’ address?”

...

#black panther #black panther fic #erik killmonger #erik stevens #erik(killmonger)stevens #erik x reader #black!reader #erik killmonger x you #my fics #killmonger x reader #killmonger imagine #black panther imagine #bp

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almosttenaciouscreator · 3 years

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Best PS5 Accessories For 2021: PlayStation 5 Headsets, Controllers

The PlayStation 5 launched with a range of first-party PS5 accessories, from the DualSense Wireless Controller to the Pulse 3D Headset and PlayStation Media Remote, but while each of these can enhance your experience in different ways, they're not the only accessories for Xbox worth picking up for your new console. Brands like Logitech, Razer, Samsung, and SteelSeries all have quality products designed specifically for the PS5 (or that will work via backwards compatibility), and now that the PS5 has been on the market for some time, you can find a PS5 accessory for pretty much any specific need at this point. With that in mind, we've rounded up the very best PS5 accessories worth picking up so far, from standard controllers and headsets to flight sticks, racing wheels, external storage, and more.

For more recommendations on PS5 software and accessories for playstation, check out our guides to the best PS5 games of 2021, plus the best PS5 headsets and controllers beyond just the first-party options.

Sony's PS5 DualSense controller is a fantastic upgrade over the PS4's DualShock 4, reshaping the controller to give it a more comfortable, ergonomic shape and more easily visible light bars on either side of the touchpad. Its standout feature is the haptic feedback that, when fully utilized in compatible games, creates immersive vibrations that really let you feel what's happening in the game. Adaptive triggers work in tandem with this as well to further enhance PS5 games, offering different levels of resistance in the L2 and R2 triggers to simulate the feeling of, for instance, drawing back a bowstring. This can also be used to make different weapons, like guns, feel different when switching between them. Overall, the DualSense is an excellent controller that feels kind of magical when its features are fully utilized, and now that two new colors, Midnight Black and Cosmic Red, are available, there's good reason to pick up a second one just to have for multiplayer or switching to while your first controller charges.

Sooner or later, you're probably going to want to pick up a charging station for your DualSense controller, and this official one from Sony can charge two at once, meaning you'll always have a controller ready to go when you get that low-battery notification. It takes a little getting used to, but when you slide a controller in, you'll hear a slight click and see it light up, letting you know it's connected and charging. In terms of convenience, this is easily one of the best PS5 accessories to pick up as soon as you can. No one likes messing with a charging wire.

Surprisingly, the PS5's first-party headset option, the Pulse 3D, is on the more affordable end of the spectrum for quality headsets; however, this is paired with a build that does feel somewhat flimsy, cheap, and easy to break. On the flip side, it delivers rich audio using Sony's proprietary Tempest 3D AudioTech, which really brings surrounding environments alive in PS5 games like Spider-Man: Miles Morales, letting you hear subtle sounds and get a better sense directionally of what's around you. It also supports both wireless and wired connectivity for not only PS5 but also PS4, PC, and Mac, with a battery life of up to 12 hours. At the end of the day, it's still one of the best PS5 headsets to buy, especially if you don't want to break the $100 mark, but there are even better third-party headsets we recommend that fall between $150 and $200.

SteelSeries headsets have been very popular for years, and the Arctis 7P is its next-gen headset designed specifically for PS5, though we like it for its versatility, as you can also use it with PS4, PC, Android, and Nintendo Switch thanks to an included USB-C dongle. Featuring 2.4GHz wireless audio and a low-latency connection, the Arctis 7P also pairs nicely with the PS5's 3D audio tech with excellent sound quality for such a versatile headset. Like the BlackShark V2 Pro, it's also a more durable and comfortable option than the Pulse 3D, with a lightweight steel frame and elastic ski goggle band for an adjustable fit. It also has a retractable, bidirectional microphone for clear voice capture and a 24-hour battery life to last during all-day gaming sessions.

For those planning on streaming their PS5 gameplay on Twitch or YouTube, the PlayStation HD camera is one essential accessory that'll make the entire process a breeze. Featuring 1080p capture, the PlayStation HD camera lets you record yourself and your gameplay by using the DualSense's share button, and by using the PS5's built-in background removal tools, you can add yourself to gameplay videos while streaming in picture-in-picture mode. You can crop the background or even lose it completely if you have a green screen.

The Razer Raion has long been one of our picks for the best PS4 controllers, and it still works great for playing backwards-compatible PS4 games on PS5. Though its layout may look strange, the Razer Raion is optimized for fighting games, and its six-button layout resembles what you'd find on a fight stick. It has a fantastic, clicky D-pad and is lightweight enough to comfortably hold in one hand, letting you tap on the rows of buttons piano-style. However, it also has digital buttons for every DualShock 4 shoulder button and trigger if you prefer to use it that way. Also convenient is the fact that you won't need to switch between the Raion and a more fully-featured Ps5 controller faceplate for things like character customization, as it lets you map the D-pad to the left and right analog sticks. Though the Razer Raion isn't for most PlayStation games and certainly not every type of gamer, for fighting game fans, it's a budget-friendly option that will take your experience in games like Mortal Kombat 11 and Tekken 7 to the next level.

The Victrix Pro FS is on the expensive end of fight sticks, but for hardcore fighting game fans, it's worth every penny, and it's forward-compatible with PS5. The Victrix Pro FS has a premium build made of durable aluminum and authentic Sanwa Denshi parts, its buttons are satisfyingly clicky, and the joystick is equally satisfying to use as well as accurate in its movements. In addition to all the essential fight stick buttons, it has several added features including three programmable buttons, customizable audio, lighting adjustments, and an easy access door for swapping out components. It's also a travel-friendly stick with a removable joystick, a plastic organizer to wrap your cables around, and handles for carrying. Costing as much as a console, the Victrix Pro FS isn't for everyone, but if you're serious about having the best fighting game experience on Ps5 dual charging and competitive play, this is an excellent investment.

As with fighting games, you can certainly use your regular old DualSense with racing games, but if you're passionate about the genre and want a more realistic experience with games like Gran Turismo Sport and Assetto Corsa Competizione, a racing wheel and set of pedals is designed for just that. Released in August 2020, Logitech's next-gen racing wheel, the G923, has everything you need for the best racing experience on dongle Ps5. Its TrueForce technology delivers next-gen force feedback with a physics engine that's directly connected to the wheel for heightened responsiveness. Essentially, the wheel synchronizes with your gameplay to deliver a more immersive and realistic experience. The downside is that right now, TrueForce is supported for only a handful of games: Grid, Assetto Corsa Competizione, iRacing, Gran Turismo Sport, Showrunner, and Dirt Rally 2.0.

The Logitech G923 also features a programmable dual clutch launch assist to get you off the starting line cleaner and faster, a progressive spring brake to simulate a pressure-sensitive brake system, a built-in rev indicator that can show you when you're redlining, and a whole set of customization options via Logitech's G Hub software.

Most flight sticks out there are designed for PC, but with flight sims having a bit of a resurgence recently thanks to games like Star Wars Squadrons and Microsoft Flight Simulator, we're starting to see more options for consoles. The official PlayStation-licensed Thrustmaster T.Flight HOTAS 4 is an affordable option that, crucially, is also widely available to buy. It'll work great with games like Star Wars Squadrons and Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown.

A great entry-level flight stick for those just dipping their toes into the flight sim genre, the T.Flight HOTAS 4 features adjustable joystick resistance, a detachable throttle, and a dual-rudder system that operates by rotating the handle with an integrated locking system or by the progressive tilting lever. The flight system has five axes, 12 action buttons, one rapid-fire trigger, and one multidirectional hat switch for navigation/panoramic view.

The democratization of music production has meant that just about anybody can make music from their personal computer. As a result, there's a lot of great music coming out from people who wouldn't have been able to create anything 10 years ago.

That said, whatever personal DAW (digital audio workstation) you choose as your preference, you'll need to use plugins in order to procure certain sounds that you'll need for your music. The Complete 2021 Synth & Sound Software Bundle from Applied Acoustics sets you off immediately with a collection of 10 software kits that include psychoacoustic effects, piano tones, strumming patterns, sound effects, arrangements, and more.

Specifically, you'll get the Objeq Delay filter, which grants effects ranging from echoes to modulations to loops. On top of that, the bundle includes a variety of arpeggiators from composer David Kristian, a collection of folk loops from Celine Dion's keyboardist, and a bunch of other stuff that, in total, almost completely encompasses every possible preset or filter you could ever want for creating your own music. You can go through the different plugins yourself, but suffice it to say that musicians have raved about the different features included here. Whether you are an accomplished musician, like many of the contributors to this bundle are, or a novice beginner who is looking to dip your toes into an ocean of different DAW software, there's something of value for everyone who purchases this expansive bundle.

To put the cherry on top, you can get the Complete 2021 Synth & Sound Software Bundle from Applied Acoustics for just $30. If you've bought music plugins online before, you know how expensive they can be, so the value of this deal stands out even more at an average price of just $3 per individual software pack within. Start creating at a higher level and invest in your musical career with Applied Acoustics.

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lucifercaelestis · 7 years

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how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

a fic i’ve been meaning to write for months and finally finished. basically shiro’s vlog plus a private message to keith, with a twist. hope you enjoy!!!

summary:

The night before their attack on Zarkon's base, Shiro decides to make some videos.

Months later after Shiro's disappearance, Keith watches them, feeling the weight of Shiro’s loss keenly.

read it on AO3

Shiro was frustrated.

He knew after the first hour of lying down in his bed that he wouldn’t be getting any more sleep that night. His body wouldn’t allow him to, and if for some reason he did manage to sleep, he would probably spend it trapped inside his nightmares.

No. Sleep was not an option.

What he really wanted to do was to go to the training deck where he could finally release the energy that had built up under his skin and distract himself from his worries. But he didn’t fancy the thought of getting caught and being dragged back to his room and ordered to sleep like a recalcitrant child.

So he was forced to make do with running through his workout routine in his room, and when the aimless tension got too much, he’d pace around his room.

It didn’t help that the workout got so repetitive and instinctual that it was all too easy for his mind to slip back and think about the battle coming tomorrow.

He was about to give up on restraint and just head to the training deck to spar with the training bots just so he wouldn’t have to think about all the ways it could go wrong tomorrow when he noticed a strange object Allura had given him a few weeks ago.

She’d called it a memory storage upload oscillator, mentioning that Coran had built it to record things. It had the appearance of old Altean tech, sleek and shiny with a telltale blue glow. To his surprise, it actually reminded him of a futuristic camera with a tablet attached by a cord. According to Allura, she wanted to record all of them officially for documentation purposes, that it would be a record of them for future Paladins.

She’d allowed him the privilege of going first, but he’d never found the time or inclination to do it before.

He smiled wryly. It was a hell of a time to record something like that, but it beat wearing himself out so much that he couldn’t even think anymore.

It was almost comforting in a way to know that some part of him would live on, even if he didn’t.

It was fairly easy to set up, even as he marvelled at the differences between the Altean tech and the few cameras he’d kept back on Earth. Finally, it lit up at his touch, displaying an empty storage space.

He adjusted the position of the device a few times before he finally felt satisfied. He ran his hand through his hair once to check if it was presentable before clearing his throat and preparing to speak.

***

Keith found Allura’s insistence on seeing him immediately somewhat bewildering. She’d asked for him to meet her privately as soon as he’d come within range of the comms devices even though she knew that he had just gotten back to the castle after a long and arduous flight to search for Shiro.

It must have been important but if he had even a little less self-control he would have been dragging his feet as he walked to the bridge from Red’s hangar.

His brow furrowed when Allura didn’t even chastise him for taking so long, instead waiting patiently for him to gather himself. His worries got worse when she still didn’t speak.

He was even more confused when she turned around to face him but she still couldn’t look him in the eye.

He’d missed it over the comms, but now that they were in the same room, there was a certain tension in the air.

“Allura, are you alright?” he asked. He couldn’t think of anything that could have happened while he was gone that would make her react like this. He froze when he realised one possibility.

Had he left them vulnerable to an attack, leaving them down by two lions while he was busy in another galaxy, looking for any traces of Shiro? Was she upset with him for that?

“Was there an attack? Did something happen while I was gone?”

She looked horrified at his assumption. “No, no, nothing of the sort,” she stated, still avoiding his eyes.

“What happened? Why was it so important for me to meet you immediately? ”

“I found something that–Well, please don’t be angry with me, I did not realise–“ she tried to explain, but it only succeeded in making Keith more confused.

"Allura. What happened?" he asked briskly.

Normally, he wouldn't be so short with her, having been relieved by her acceptance of him after her negative reaction to his Galra heritage but he was physically and mentally exhausted after a long and fruitless search and her evasiveness was starting to frustrate him.

She sighed heavily before replying. “There’s something I think you should see."

More than anything, it was her expression that threw him off. It was sad and guilty? He couldn't figure out why she was upset.

“I would advise you to watch it alone," Allura told him, pressing a tablet into his hands. She still looked sad as she walked away, like she didn't want to see how he reacted to it. She paused right before the doors, “I’m sorry, Keith."

After she left, he wasted no time walking back to his room.

Frustrated with her cryptic words, he almost just left the tablet on his table for another day. He was exhausted and his bed was like a siren’s call. Ultimately though, his curiosity won out.

What was it that could make Allura so upset upon seeing it and so important that she would insist on him seeing it immediately too?

His question was answered when he powered up the tablet and the first thing he saw were two thumbnails with Shiro’s face on them.

His hands trembled as he gripped the tablet tighter.

Was he really prepared to see this?

No. No, he wasn’t.

He pressed on the first thumbnail anyway.

The thumbnail enlarged, taking up the entire screen. Keith's eyes traced over Shiro's face hungrily.

“I'm Shiro, Paladin of the Black Lion and leader of Voltron.”

Shiro’s face and voice were just the same as they ever were, and for a second, Keith saw the image from the video in front of him superimposed by the picture of Shiro that had begun circulating after Pilot Error.

That image flickered and he saw Shiro as he was now, white hair and scar included and he forced himself to pay attention. Now wasn't the time to let his emotions get the better of him.

"I used to be a pilot for Galaxy Garrison before we were captured by the Galra and sent to the arena. Somehow, the Garrison never covered what to do when an alien empire kidnaps you on one of your missions. Not very thorough of them, I’d say."

Keith wanted to groan. It was just like Shiro to downplay everything that happened to him like it was just a minor setback in his life and make a joke about it too.

“Thankfully I escaped. I found my team– well, technically, they found me, and somehow we ended up fighting against an empire that stretches across most of the universe in 5 mechanical lions that combine to form a giant robot. Apparently when life gives you lions, you make a giant robot man?"

Keith couldn't help but snort at that. He’d missed Shiro’s brand of humour more than he’d thought; other than the morbid kind that came out when he was dying, he could live without that.

Shiro continued, unknowing of Keith's amusement. "I’m proud of them though. We're a bit of a ragtag group but seeing how much they’ve grown and improved, well, I couldn’t ask for a better team."

Shiro straightened up in his seat, falling into what Keith liked to call leader-mode.

“Being Black’s paladin is a privilege. The bond between a lion and their paladin is all about trust, and I hope can prove myself worthy of it someday."

Seeing how much Shiro clearly loved the Black Lion, how naturally he’d taken to being a leader, it only made it so much clearer what they were missing now.

“We’ve come so far, and tomorrow we’re taking the next step to ending this war once and for all. So even though I’m worried about what might happen tomorrow, I have hope. ”

Shiro had this ability to draw people in, to make them believe in him. He’d seen it back at the Garrison and he saw it later when Shiro acted as the leader of Voltron. Even the Galra couldn’t change that. Something about him just made you believe in something bigger than yourself.

He made you want to be better than you were.

“A wise man once told me, if you get too worried about what could go wrong, you might miss the chance to do something great.”

Shiro smiled, eyes all but gleaming with trust and belief, and Keith wondered how someone like Shiro could possibly exist.

“So go. Be great."

Seeing this video, it just drove in the fact that their team was missing something essential without Shiro.

He rubbed his thumb over his fisted hand and took a shaky breath. There was still one more video to go.

Clicking on the icon, he waited for Shiro to begin speaking.

”Keith." Shiro's voice lowered to that gentle, private tone he always used when talking to Keith. Of all the things about Shiro Keith never thought he’d miss, hearing the way Shiro said his name hadn’t even made it on the list.

That didn’t stop him from wanting to lean into it.

His gaze was fixed on Shiro, but it was always like that wasn’t it? He’d never stood a chance.

“Keith– If you’re listening to this–” Shiro faltered for the first time since the videos began, “–if you’re listening to this, I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep my promise after all.”

Keith had to choke down a sob. Shiro had promised once that he’d never leave Keith, that he’d always come back. It had been broken once after Kerberos, shattering the life Keith had made for himself, only coming back together when he found Shiro in a Garrison containment unit. And now, again, after Keith thought they were finally safe. That this time, he could protect Shiro.

It seemed like Shiro was destined to break his promise, and Keith was helpless to break the cycle they were trapped in.

Losing each other, finding, and losing again. Rinse and repeat. The universe did love its patterns after all.

“There are so many things that I want. I want to go home with you. I want you all to be safe. I want this all to be over already. But I have a bad feeling about tomorrow, and if there’s any chance I could save you, I’m going to take it. I never wanted to leave you behind again... I guess it was always meant to end this way.”

No. He would find Shiro. He wouldn’t give up on Shiro, even if it seemed like Shiro had given up on himself.

“I know, I know, you’d hate me saying this, but I’d fight it ok? I’d fight to come back to you.”

If there was anything he could trust, it was Shiro.

“Who would have ever thought we would end up here? This wasn’t how I expected to be going into space with you, but I’m so glad that you’re here with me. You’ve saved me, so many times, and you keep saving me, just by being here."

Shiro laughed wryly.

"How many times are you gonna have to save me before this is over? ”

As many times as it takes, Keith wanted to promise. Every day for the rest of his life if he had to.

Then Shiro tilted his head, and his eyes crinkled as he smiled, and Keith had to swallow around the lump in his throat.

He hadn’t managed to save Shiro yet this time, but he would.

“I like to think that we were always meant to find each other. You said I changed your life, Keith, but I can’t imagine who I’d be without you. ”

It was hard to imagine who he would have been without Shiro too. Shiro had been the one thing he couldn't expect, and he had been the one to change everything.

"Maybe after all of this is over, we can stay out here, exploring the universe like we’ve always dreamed of. Co-pilots…Partners?” Shiro offered.

A future. Shiro wanted a future with him, even after everything.

"I have so many regrets already, I don’t want this to be one of them.”

Shiro paused, looking like saying whatever he was going to say was the hardest thing he would ever do.

“I love you. I don't know how long I've loved you, but god, sometimes I feel like I've loved you my whole life. ”

Keith’s heart stopped for a moment before it started beating again twice as fast. Shiro loved him.

“If I had to tell you when I realised it though, it must have been when I woke up in your shack, and your face was the first thing I saw, and all I could think of was ‘I'm home’."

Somehow Shiro had managed to pin down exactly what Keith felt the first time he saw Shiro again, after Kerberos. He’d looked at Shiro and for the first time in over a year, he'd felt like he was finally home.

“I always wanted to make history, you know? I loved space, but more than that, I wanted to be the one to bring humanity further than they had ever been before. But now…if I had a choice... If there's any way I want to be remembered, I want it to be for loving you."

The screen suddenly blurred and he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. It had been so long since the last time he'd cried that he wasn't sure how to stop anymore.

Tears fell onto the tablet, smearing the screen even more and his grip slackened. It fell to the floor with a thud, and the screen cracked, leaving the image of Shiro smiling frozen forever.

#voltron #sheith #shiro #keith #my writing #this was fun to write

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thebibliomancer · 7 years

Text

Essential Avengers: Avengers #153: “Home is the Hero!”

November, 1976

Since I’m typing this while sick, I can’t really figure out if that title makes no sense or what. I know all the words but in that order its like whaaaaat.

There’s actually a number of things going on here that don’t really mesh well with ill loopiness.

But first, the cover.

The Avengers sure are getting their asses kicked by an elderly man with heart troubles.

Earth’s Mightiest Heroes!

Actually its kind of weird how easy it is to solo the Avengers if the plot says so. Grim Reaper managed it. The Whizzer is managing it. Orka, the man dressed as the whale that isn’t a whale managed it. Ant-Man will manage it soon. They’re kind of a paper tiger sometimes. Just crumbling before the right single individual.

But its hard to come out with a fresh new story every month, probably.

Also, Jack Kirby cover! And tiny judgemental Vision has changed his pose! It truly is a brand new day!

Anyway.

We start off with Scarlet Witch flying towards the ruins of the Brand Corporation.

Right off the bat, something is amiss.

Scarlet Witch cannot usually fly.

Apparently, this was later retconned as Wanda using an experimental “flying belt” which I guess she was wearing under her leotard. Not a strong early showing for the new creative team, I’ll tell you that.

I think the bare minimum for writing on a comic should be knowing the characters you’re going to be writing.

Although, y’know, its weird that the Avengers didn’t invest in experimental flying belts or flight rings or whatever for their non-flying members. It would save a heap of trouble and they have Tony Stark, right there.

Wonder Man gets a flight belt of sorts later but since its rocket powered and he can only use it because he has an invincible hiney, its not really suitable for the rest of the team.

So okay, Scarlet Witch has returned to the remains of the Brand Corporation which isn’t a crime scene or cordoned off or anything. Ffs, Marvel law enforcement.

When suddenly, a laser ZAMM!s her, causing her to plummet to the ground, her flight belt that she totally has shorted out or something.

Thinking quick, she turns the ground to water to soften her fall but she still gets the wind knocked out of her.

She also happens to land right next to the Serpent Crown, which she is apparently here for. Maybe she’s still subconsciously manipulating probabilities because that’s dang lucky.

Or perhaps darn unlucky. She landed next to the thing but someone shot her out of the sky and after that fall, she’s in no shape to fight whoever is the laser wielding person.

Unsurprise, its the Living Laser.

He’s the worst.

Anyway, he takes his time to gloat about how cool he is. Y’know, just villain things.

But he’s here to take the Serpent Crown. A gaudy hat like that will go wonders with his garish outfit.

How the hell did the Avengers just forget the artifact of doom that they stole from another world?!

Anyway, Living Laser is not like those other villains. Instead of leaving while the hero is helpless, he’s just going to kill her now on the off chance she might become a problem.

So something has to get in the way if his own stupidity won’t.

The Brand private army charges forward to attack Scarlet Witch, recognizing her as one of the Avengers that busted up the place.

Living Laser blasts some of them and then decides to completely forget about Scarlet Witch and laser teleport away. Thanks, laser inattentiveness!

Meanwhile, the rest of the Avengers return from New Orleans in the Quinjet, raising so many questions. Did Scarlet Witch fly all the way to New York with the experimental flying belt that she somehow got between issues? Why not just catch a ride most of the way with the Avengers since they were headed the same way?

This Is Something I Have To Do Myself is a cursed trope, constantly vexing me.

Anyway. The Avengers return. And have to go into their mansion through the back door because there’s still a big mob of lookie-loos and newspeeps at the front door. Even though Jarvis kicked them off the property last issue.

You need to work on your follow-through, Jarvis.

But here’s a thing: over the past several hours, Wonder Man’s heartbeat has been getting stronger. He’s coming back to life, maybe!

Oh and Jarvis shows up and implies why he didn’t finish tossing out the nosy mob. The Avengers had a guest show up while they were out and Jarvis deposited him in the sitting room to await their return.

Its Bob Frank, the Whizzer (But not the Squadron Sinisterpreme one. The All-Winners Squad and Liberty Legion one). And he specifically wants to see Vision.

Apparently the Whizzer disappeared after Quicksilver and Crystal’s wedding and Wanda and Vision worried after him. They even thought him dead. Not enough to ever bring it up or go searching for him on panel. But they were worried, on the inside.

But Whizzer didn’t come to wallow in self-pity or explain what he’s been up to. He’s come to check on Wanda, because of that broadcast that implied she might leave the Avengers. Remember? From #151?

Vision confides that Wanda temporarily left him and the Avengers the previous night on a journey of self-understanding and wishes to be alone.

And then someone shines a laser in Bob Frank’s eye and instead of going blind, all hell breaks loose.

The Whizzer goes wild and BOM!s Vision. He also forgot who Vision was and what they were talking about.

Wouldn’t it be terrifying for someone with superpowers to get dementia?

That’s not going on here and frankly I’ll express my doubts at the ability of the Avengers book to handle the subject with the tact and respect required. But the thought occurred to me.

Thank god for sliding time scales, I guess.

Anyway, Vision was BOM!’d unconscious and Whizzer whizzes off as if searching for something.

But finds Captain America, Beast, and Iron Man, who came to investigate that BOM!.

Cap throws his mighty shield but Whizzer, he does not yield. I’m calling into question his patriotism.

Whizzer calls Cap Isbisa, accuses him of wanting to take over the world and then WHAM!s Iron Man hard while Beast cannonballs out of the way, spouting witticisms.

Cap tries to talk Whizzer down but Whizzer spins him right round until he corkscrews up and into the ceiling. Like. INTO the ceiling. As in, its a surprise Cap has any skull left.

And then we reach a short impasse of sorts. Whizzer is moving too fast for Beast to do much to. The guy is freaked out and apparently hypnotized to boot. But Beast is acrobatic enough that Whizzer is maybe too fast to catch him? If that makes sense?

So instead he uses brains. He runs at and bounces off the wall so hard that part of the ceiling collapses, burying Beast.

Quicksilver could learn a lot from this guy, as far as purposefully running into walls goes.

And with no one left to fight, Whizzer’s head clears a little. Its not the forties at all. And then he hears a buzzing and suddenly his head feels like its splitting apart from pain.

And then he passes out.

Because apparently Yellowjacket and the Wasp had flown inside his ear and shot his ear drums.

Clever of them to not just join the fight and instead wait until everyone else got punched.

Eighteen minutes of off-screen action and the two size-changing heroes manage to scrape together the other three. Beast is conscripted to carry Whizzer to the lab.

Beast: “Since when was I elected donkey for this troop?”

Vision: “In many ways, you are our strongest member, Hank McCoy -- and thus, you may sometimes be unduly burdened.”

I call shenanigans on that. You’re just hazing the new guy, aren’t you?

But while everyone was either getting beaten up by the Whizzer or flying inside his ears, Wonder Man vanished. And not only that, someone wrecked up the lab where they left him.

It almost feels as if the whole thing with the Whizzer was some kind of distraction?

Anyway, Wonder Man stumbles out the side exit of the mansion because its a mansion and can have more than two exists. And some of the lookie-loos spot him and recognize him as Wonder Man.

They immediately get right up in his personal space, grabbing at him and begging for souvenirs.

And Simon Williams, aka Wonder Man, is not really up to speed yet. He’s running in safe mode, as it were. Because he acts on instinct to being mobbed and smacks away the crowd and then absconds.

And the narration notes that at this point he’s almost moving like a normal living person, with none of the stiffness of a zuvembie. Also, gone is the blank expressionless stare ALTHOUGH HOW YOU COULD TELL THAT THROUGH THE VISOR IS BEYOND ME, CREATIVE TEAM.

So, yeah. Remember how we left Scarlet Witch at Brand?

Yeah, she’s still there. And still being accosted by the Brand private army that doesn’t know that their bosses have all been arrested and they are probably unemployed.

She doesn’t even bother telling them either. Just dismisses them as frozen in blind obedience and immediately starts scarlet witching at them.

And then becomes frightened of the violence that her powers can cause, which seems like a step back for her, possibly. Not the sort of way her character was going under Englehart, is the feeling I get. Where she ripped a meteor from heaven and exulted in it. And now she gets frightened because she made the ground shake a little.

Oh, and then she gets shot.

One of the Brand punks she knocked down was playing possum, grabbed a gun and managed to get her in the shoulder.

Scarlet Witch decides to leave this pointless fight and warn the Avengers about the Living Laser and the Serpent Crown.

Now back to Wonder Man, already in progress.

The resurrected or whatever Wonder Man has been wandering the streets of Yorktown but finds himself drawn to a bright light down a particular street.

And a figure appears in that bright light.

AHHHHHH WONDER MAN IS BEING ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!

Oh. Oh. No, its Living Laser.

Anyway, he says he mentally commanded Wonder Man to come here to become his slave. And he also shot the Whizzer to hallucinate that the Avengers were enemies by shooting him in the eye with a laser. Which presumably was a distraction so that he could mentally command Wonder Man to wreck the lab and leave the mansion.

It’s all coming together.

Living Laser now has improved laser powers (possibly even laser willpower), the Serpent Crown, and Wonder Man as muscle.

Oh and Living Laser wasn’t the one who resurrected Wonder Man either. He considers it an unimportant mystery that might amuse him to solve one day.

We getting a lot of red herrings on our way through this mystery.

So while Living Laser proceeds with another brilliant part of his master plan of awesomeness, he commands Wonder Man to seek out and destroy the Avengers!

If they’re fighting and being killed by Wonder Man, they can’t interfere. Its genius.

And Wonder Man agrees.

“THE AVENGERS MUST BE DESTROYED!”

Geez. Think for yourself you holly jolly idiot.

We have a letters column again this time. Do people care about the letters column from decades ago? I kind of find it interesting in a pinhole snapshot kind of way.

Someone complains about the amount of reprinted material in #150, which I’m right there for. Another person complains about taking Thor out of the Avengers saying they wouldn’t be the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes without him (the Kooky Quartet weeps), instead suggesting that a character who hasn’t been in the line-up so long be removed. Which would be... probably only Beast? Everyone else has been around a long time, even during times when Thor was off the team.

Whoever answers these letters invites readers to send in their opinions for a Thor vs No Thor poll. Might be interesting, if its included in the Marvel Unlimited version.

Next time: this story concludes in a Giant-Size Avengers. Give all your money to Marvel. Consume. Obey. Obey the Serpent Crown.

Follow @essential-avengers. It exists.

#Avengers #Living Laser #Wonder Man #Scarlet Witch #the Vision #the Whizzer #Iron Man #Captain America #the Wasp #Yellowjacket #Beast #some Brand goons #a bunch of people with nothing better to do #Essential Avengers #Essential marvel liveblogging #Obey #neither rain nor snow nor illness nor glom of nit will keep me from liveblogging #mostly because i feel bad about having so many tardy posts in the last couple months

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annieoftheshitposts · 7 years

Text

this post used to be a link to the old canons page but i’m turning it into a text dump of the revised one for people on mobile [or who have bad wifi/computers that the fancy schmancy script on the canons page wouldn’t play well with.] theres a lot sorry not sorry. here we go.

Canon Info

Much more is said about Annie in external sources than the game itself, here's copypastes of all I know of and go by.

From the 3rd DLC Character Voting page:

As popular figures in nationwide folktales, a children’s television adaptation of Annie and Sagan’s adventures was inevitable. The show’s success lies in its pair of live action hosts, who are as convincing as their cartoon counterparts. Though what the public learns about the real Annie might surprise them. Annie is a seasoned fighter who has been around for a long time, acquiring many skills and powers along the way. Her sword is forged from a meteorite and can channel the power of the stars in its sweeping cleaves. Her right eye bonds her to her Remote Parasite and partner, Sagan, who grants her powers of a galactic motif. While some of her abilities carry more of a sparkly magical girl motif, Annie tries to execute them with the same sternness.

From "The canon info thread" on Skullheart Encore forums:

-Annie is several-century-old. Her immortality was gained when her parents wished on the Skull Heart so that Annie would never have to experience the hardship of adulthood, thereby making her forever a child. -She has had many different weapons and abilities throughout her life. - Sagan, her remote parasite. keeps her right eye in his mouth. - She’s physically not able to swear due to her condition - She is familiar with Double due to her experience fighting Skullgirls - Annie has encountered a lot of Skullgirls and has killed a lot, but not the same a lot. She’s seen the cycle multiple times and seen how they become stronger each time and is looking for the underlying source now. - The Annie of the Stars show is very similar to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show with live action segments with cartoons and PSAs and commercials in between. - Sagan can talk. Somehow. - Annie hides her immortality by getting a new hairstyle every few years. The show tells the audience that they have simply changed the actress. Eliza also pulls a similar trick

and finally some other misc. scraps that weren't covered above:

-annie has some kind of "super" or "powered up" form, in which she seems to fuse with sagan. it can be seen on her

move concept sheet, in the end of robo-fortune's story mode, and as a very tiny feature on one of robo-fortune's merch posters, but to my knowlege it's never really been talked about.

-she's been depicted with an "incognito outfit", presumably for going out in public and not being recognized by fans.

-sagan is named after renowned astrophysicist carl sagan. this isnt really relevant to anything but it's not on the wiki so i figured i'd share :b

-and this random pic of annie in the past with a different look, plus gun and minus eyepatch, apparently official art from the "digital art compendium". i haven't seen the source for this one myself though, and count this one more as speculative canon since that ingame image up there with her eye uncovered doesn't show a scar or any kind of damage from this.

-another canon fact about annie is she is strong and brave and i love her.

Headcanon (Annie)

this is pretty disorganized bc i come up with and revise random shit on a fairly regular basis, but the very least it should be all here and up-to-date. [though on this text post version i may forget to keep it updated oops.

she can still only normally see from the one eye in her head [and likewise probably has terrible depth perception lmao], but she can “project” her vision into the one sagan has if need be, during which time both he and her main eye are blind.

even though sagan’s vision is his own and she doesn’t actively “see” through that eye most of the time, the stuff he sees still becomes part of her memory and she can recall it if need be, though it’s far less tangible and kind of a surreal experience trying to do so.

the space where her other eye was is now just...space. like empty starry void stuff. yes, TECHNICALLY, you could put stuff in it but why would you. sagan can feel when something interacts with it and it’s really just weird and uncomfortable for both of them.as sagan is the source of their powers, the strength of her abilities is slightly dependent on her distance from him. something like long sustained flight is really only capable if they’re touching, but she still has ample firepower and ability to zip around for a pretty good range otherwise.

Not interested in anime

absolutely hates being called her full name; hasn't gone by anything other than "Annie" for longer than anyone that should be alive today should know.

part of her curse of eternal youth is remembering everything up until the point it kicked in and she stopped aging [i.e. when she was Actually a kid] exactly as well as if she hadn’t aged.

from that point however, a lot of it is hazy as shit aside from more recent times [as you’d expect from someone who’s been around hundreds of years]. this one's gonna be angsty as shit when i address it and you can thank @sandstriker for that. fucker.

also hates being restrained. by the concept sheet and beo's story, her fighting style is very kinetic and relies heavily on mobility; take that away and you get one very uncomfortable and very angry starchild. [this one's 'cause of y'all with the handcuffs asks. this is part of why she's so agitated rn.]

what's in the pouch? whatever is alternatively convenient. is it snacks? is it a quick incognito disguise? is it her whole entire sword? who knows. i think it might be infinite hammerspace in there.

i haven't put much though into this side of her story yet, but i've decided part of the mythos of the "annie of the stars" character as a figure of legend is that she literally lives, among the stars.

if there's enough folktales about her to base an entire show off of, i'm willing to bet she used to be less elusive when she was just about fighting skullgirls before dedicating herself to the whole "looking for the underlying source" thing.

Headcanon (Sagan)

tl;dr: as far as things go here, he's essentially a cat and/or younger sibling.

Sagan's canon information and characterization is basically nonexistant, so i got to do pretty much whatever i wanted with him lmao.

simply put, he's a little gremlin of a partner, but he is genuinely good-natured and a happy-go-luckly little dude. mischevious, loves to get up to Shenanigans, go off and hide/disappear to fuck knows where for several hours, climb and sit on tall things[or failing that, annie's head], etc. @sawkinator has described him, regrettably accurately, as "the Token Disney Animal Sidekick". he has a lot of mannerisms like an animal, but is still very much a being of at least average human intelligence. he's also surprisingly indestructible. far from invincible of course, but in canon he's been shown to be quite stretchy and...possibly have minor shapeshifting capabilities?? he's pretty much immune to being squashed and feels very little [if any] pain from most things. really, as far as i can tell he's pretty much a weird sentient plushie. like, if it's not going to damage a plushie, it's not going to hurt him; examples being: getting knocked back really hard or falling a long way? not a problem. fire? problem.

Sagan tends to be somewhat nonverbal and generally only uses a few words or short phrase at a time when he does speak, which sounds something like the voice clip below. that being how it is, he can be kind of inscrutable and more than a bit jarring to most people--though at this point annie's been with him more than long enough to be completely desensitized to it and doesnt quite get why anyone would be perturbed. fortunately, with that familiarity also comes understanding, and she can easily "translate" and articulate more from his expressions. this understanding is a two-way street, and on its other side is sagan's sensitivity to her moods. annie's not particularly...communicative of her emotions, but sagan can always tell when she's having an off day or something's bothering her, and is far better than anyone at helping her feel better. all things said and quirky antics aside, he and annie are exceptionally close and fiercely protective of eachother the moment it comes to it. they don't make a big deal of showing it outwardly, but they know they've always got eachother's backs.

he's taken quite a liking to beowulf as well, and beo defintiely shamelessly enables sagan's shenanigans.

as i see it, annie may be the passion and power of their operation, but sagan is the heart and soul. beowulf is like....comic releif and emotional support. not entirely necessary, but certainly welcomed to have around. yeah. listen im a big sap i just want them all to be good friends ok. i love them.

also sagan does like and watch a lot of anime.

Blog Canon

miscellaneous happenings that either have continued relevance/significance, or y'all just won't let die. there's not a overarching plot to this thing at all, but geez we’ve kinda gathered some history here huh?

taught sagan to say fuck [and other swears, in her stead]. he used to have to do it on command but he's gotten really good at filling in for her.has a

stoat fursona that beo helped her make. she thinks it's neat/cute but has no real attachment to it.

attempted to sue the crystal gems for ripping off her entire shtick [it didn't go well]

beowulf also taught her how to dab.

@sparkeletran is a nuisance and must be stopped

the 70$ pile of high school musical merch. sagan and beo both wear the t-shirts sometimes. she hates it. don't let her attitude fool you though this is actually the best and most important ongoing joke in this whole damn thing.

the first handcuffs stint. they’re gone now but they had a good ~30-post run, and she did take to learning lockpicking because of it.

this.

hey. guess fucking what lads. handcuffs ROUND TWO 'cause y'all just don't fuckin' quit. the first mini story arc sorta thing, in which she visits the cirque des cartes and has an aggravting encounter with taliesin. [currently ongoing][hopefully soon ending]

[[redacted for ""spoilers""]] due to said encounter with taliesin

sparkeletran is a nuisance,

"the official annie of the stars instagram is just cat memes but with sagan" it's canon but i haven't decided whether it's something she would have had already or a recent thing. [either way, hasn't been touched on yet due to the arc taking so long]

badart annie is sorta like her own thing at this point but nothing that happens with her is canon; she p much just shows up for exceptionally dumb posts. we did give her noclip though which is terrifying. on that note i may as well include the things that are Not canon but y'all won't let me forget

beo's animated belt thing. look. it doesnt talk.

spray-on boots.

the lawnmower weapon

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh homestuck

#not annieposting

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ulyssessklein · 5 years

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How an indie hip-hop artist charted on Billboard and iTunes

The direct marketing strategy that helped me chart at #3 on iTunes and #50 on Billboard.

It was all a dream: “I believe I can chart on Billboard with this album!”

I convinced my producer, engineer, mentor, and—most importantly—my wife to buy into the dream.

The odds of charting Billboard were clearly stacked against me. No major label budget. No national, regional, or even local publicity campaign. I also work more than the typical “40-hour workweek” at a big tech company in Silicon Valley. The list goes on.

Nonetheless, my belief was strong. It was late October 2018, and I had just spent the past couple weeks writing, what would soon become my latest album, Airplane Mode. I had the music. Now I just needed to crystallize the narrative, develop a marketing strategy, and reach out to my fans.

Five months later, Airplane Mode debuted at #3 on the iTunes Top 40 US Hip-Hop Album Chart as well as at #50 on the Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Album Sales Chart. Mission accomplished. Simple, right?

In the midst of people congratulating me on this huge accomplishment, many have also asked, “So, how did you actually make it happen…?”

Establishing the Airplane Mode album narrative

Airplane Mode developed in a very unplanned and visceral way. In mid-October 2018, my aunt— the one who nurtured my love for hip-hop at an early age—passed away unexpectedly in my hometown, Bridgeport, Connecticut (about 3,000 miles from where I currently live).

Days before, my friend and producer, J-Dot Music, had coincidentally sent me a collection of beats. We weren’t thinking about an album then. I just wanted to hear the new sounds he had been working on. After hearing about my aunt though, I needed to artistically grieve. I remembered the beat pack, sifted through until I found the beat that most plucked my heart, and wrote the song, “Hope You Hear Me.” All within the same hour I received the news.

I spent the next two weeks devouring each beat J-Dot sent me. Within each song, I explored concepts and tackled issues I wasn’t even ready to express out loud yet. The writing was nonstop. On the bus. At the gym. During my walks in between work meetings. On my flight from San Francisco to see my family. By the time we buried my aunt, I had the foundation for a new project, which I decided to call Airplane Mode.

The term “Airplane Mode” symbolized three main things for me:

My mindstate: I was in a daze. At the same time, by feeling so disconnected, I was able to tap into my creativity without restraint, allowing me to be and remain “in the zone.”

My lifestyle: combined, my wife and I have visited over 100 international cities across 50 countries. We’re both multilingual and children of immigrants coming from an impoverished background. As such, I have developed a global, cross-cultural outlook on life, which is a core part of my brand.

My music career: two months before I wrote Airplane Mode, I had just booked and headlined my third Bay Area show in 2018. My career growth was feeling even more tangible, so in a self-fulfilling prophecy type of way, I claimed that this new album would elevate my platform even further, as each project had done before.

Why do I share all of this with you? Because for me, the album narrative—replete with passion and vulnerability—was imperative for my entire marketing campaign. I interweaved this narrative throughout my entire go-to-market strategy, from the album cover to the song content to audience communications pre, during, and post-release.

Setting the foundation for the Airplane Mode marketing campaign

Around the same time I completed my album, I also learned about the Nielsen and Billboard charting successes of fellow independent artists, Shannon Curtis and Tyke T via the DIY Musician Blog. With more research on the process plus assumptions of my current fanbase, I resolved to set an ambitious goal of selling 1,000 albums within the first week of release.

Pre-sales seemed to be the predominant way that I would hit this goal. Learning that the pre-sales period may be a minimum of one-week and a maximum of six months gave me the time I needed to mobilize my fanbase.

Because my album had 12 tracks, I was also eligible to set up an instant gratification (grat) track via CD Baby. I chose “Hope You Hear Me” as my track because, not only did an instant grat track give extra incentive for core fans when purchasing, this particular track also gave listeners a deeper, weightier connection to the album narrative, which furthered the word-of-mouth evangelism.

The majority of my fans do not purchase physical albums anymore. Combined with my limited budget, I decided upfront that Airplane Mode would be 100% digital. This decision helped me streamline my preorder process in the long-run. For instance, I only had one UPC to register in Nielsen’s database.

Lastly, I knew that over 60% of my fanbase had iOS devices, so iTunes was very essential to my campaign. That said, I did not want to exclude the other 40% of my fanbase from helping me achieve this monumental goal (that’s a lot of fans!). So, I focused on three sales channels: iTunes, Bandcamp, and my online store (which also had Airplane Mode merch for sale).

5 key tactics to enable the Airplane Mode marketing campaign

With a two-month preorder window, I executed several marketing activations. However, there were five that I felt truly moved the needle:

Empowering my brand ambassadors: my “High Grade Society” – my exclusive group of core fans – were critical because not only did they immediately preorder Airplane Mode with enthusiasm but they also encouraged their circles of influence to do the same.

Asking fans to purchase directly: just about every day, I shared the album narrative and sought out support from my fans directly via in-person or direct messaging. With every proof of purchase, I would repost and thank them publicly.

Paying for digital advertising: social media ads are a cheap way to build brand awareness amongst your target audience and fight through organic noise. While I was not depending on ads to generate the bulk of the sales, I did end my campaign with a 3% conversion rate (better than 0%!).

Promoting organically via weekly content production: In December 2018, I started a weekly freestyle series called “Casual Fridays” – a tongue-in-cheek for my fans who know that I juggle both a music career and a white-collar corporate day job. What started as a simple addition to my “Call Me Ace portfolio” soon became another avenue for organic album promotion once I gained traction.

Coordinating a pre-album release party: the Airplane Mode party occurred one week before the album dropped, with an optional “free entry” ticket for those that already preordered. With a full crowd gathered for an exclusive listen to my album, I also garnished the night with additional special touch points to ensure that everyone felt even more connected to the album narrative once they left. Here’s the Airplane Mode release party recap video if you’re curious!

youtube

Airplane Mode immediately jumped up to #3 on the iTunes Top 40 US Hip-Hop Album Chart after releasing on Friday, March 22, 2019. This news served as another big social proof point that galvanized more people to organically share and encourage others to listen. Even with the option to stream available, some people still purchased Airplane Mode as a sign of true support.

To top it all off, fans were directly sharing immensely positive feedback with me on the album content. With their permission I would repost, recognize publicly, and use to encourage even more feedback from other listeners.

These additional touchpoints helped push Airplane Mode to the final goal of the campaign: charting on Billboard.

5 challenges during the Airplane Mode marketing campaign

While I’m ecstatic that Airplane Mode hit the Billboard chart, the effort did come with its challenges:

Apple does not provide real-time presales data. Not being able to track my preorder sales on iTunes, where most of my fans purchased my album, forced my total sales count to be more of a calculated guess than a sure fact. I had to assume, for example, that trending at #3 in iTunes Hip-Hop albums to pre-order list was a good sign…right?

Apple is (not-so) secretly phasing out iTunes. Strike two, Apple. Apple automatically reroutes all iTunes links to the “Apple Music” iPhone app. This created unnecessary confusion and frustration, especially for potential supporters that didn’t even remember that the “iTunes Store” was a separate app, probably somewhere in the back of their phones. This definitely impacted final sales.

There were too many clicks at point-of-sale. Although I created a superlink to streamline the preordering process, it still took at best 7 clicks before actually preordering the album. Still, this was a better trade-off than having three separate preorder links to promote…

Not everyone has money to preorder. I naively assumed that all my fans had at least $9.99 of disposable income. However, while there were many cases where supporters spent way beyond $9.99 on Bandcamp to purchase the album, for some would-be supporters, $9.99 was too costly.

Some people just don’t believe in purchasing music. This last challenge wasn’t an issue for my true fans and supporters that understood the larger goal I was hoping to achieve. This was more so a challenge with casual or potential fans that interpreted the ask within the context of their preferred music listening preferences. The reality is that streaming currently dominates music consumption in the US, where over 90% of my fanbase exists. I knew my request wouldn’t be an easy one from the beginning; this challenge only confirmed that I had to rely on my core base in order to reach my Billboard goal under my aforementioned constraints.

And there you have it! If any of what I shared resonates with you, please let me know in the comments below. And of course, if you have any thoughts on the Airplane Mode album itself, I would love to hear your feedback on that too

The post How an indie hip-hop artist charted on Billboard and iTunes appeared first on DIY Musician Blog.

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