#won't lie to u this is kind of a shambles bc i was too lazy to do anything bt fetch n slightly alter an old intro bt. we cope.

[wildcherryfunk]

arrives doing a narsty little darnce on the dash like so. greetings, loved ones. i’m nai (25) n i luv stained glass windows, cackling like a witch n staring into alex wolff’s mole like i’m a fortune teller n it’s my mystical little crystal ball. i go by she/her pn’s n i’m of the “OI, mistah, u me dad?!” british variety (said grimly pulling a face like it’s a slur). u can find out more abt lana below but if u would rather be nourished on vibes alone u can browse her pinterest here or listen to her pl here ⚡🎸🧚‍♀️

◜          *          :          kristine     froseth     .     cis     woman     &     she     /     her     .     tears     in     the     club          by     fka     twigs     &     the     weeknd     .          ━━          the     legend     surrounding     london’s     l’academiae     furorum     would     not     be     complete     without     LANA     JAMESON     .     the     academy's     TWENTY     FOUR     year     old     SECOND     SOLOIST     has     been     with     furore     for     TWO     YEARS     ,     oft     described     as     VIVACIOUS     ,     IMPETUOUS     ,     CHILDISH     &     FORGIVING     &     has     proved     utterly     indispensable     to     the     company     .     in     passing     ,     they’ve     come     to     be     associated     with     A     CHERRY     SCENTED     CANDLE     SCULPTED     LIKE     A     HUMAN     HEART     ,     VALVES     AND     ALL     ,     WITH     EVERY     STICKY     ARTERY     MELTING     CAVITY     -     SWEET     WAX          &          flirting     with     a     strawberry     red     scald     under     boiling      shower     water     ,     doodling     wonky     cocks     in     condensation     ,     fantasising     elaborately     sordid     affairs     for     aquarium     seahorses     ,     absentmindedly     playing     a     drum     solo     on     your     own     ass    in     the     queue     for     the     morning     after     pill     &     chasing     last     rays     of     sunlight     like     a     cat     with     a     laser     pointer     .     whether     this     will     be     their     final     curtain     call     is     anyone's     guess          &          the     company’s     worst     nightmare     .

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. a house as big as the love it was missing. 

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a psychedelic rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive n honestly it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid n she asked her why she never played w her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace.

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like……. jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much…. got herself in a bunch of bad situations………. kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. went to college to study dance bc she’s done it since being a bebe (ballet specifically bt likes all forms rly) n had a TIME there. jst a whole string of catastrophic romantic entanglements etc................. lana cld literally find something endearing abt the glint of a wolf’s teeth as it extended it���s jaw to swallow her whole like she jst. sees good in everyone even when it isn’t there n it gets her in a whole bunch fo situations. on the opposite side of that sometimes she doesn’t see any good at all bt it doesn’t feel like good’s for her anyway. truly a rollercoaster n she ended up dropping out before finishing her degree bc a lot of a shitty ex’s friends were still at the same school n it was Too Much

her brother had been doing a little better coping w things bt even so she was scared to accept the place at l’academiae furorum bt when he found out he told her to go n that he’d be fine to look after himself n that she deserved it so. ✈️ haaaaaiiiiii landan

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college n is an ongoing rollercoaster. she jst..... never wants the party to end. always the last one there. it ebbs n flows tho bt definitely is something that’ll be her unravelling if she isn’t careful abt it. has a very addictive personality. slowly it’s starting to bleed into her dancing n i feel like the other dancers r surely starting to notice a few of her threads begin to fray whether that’s thru faint remnants of last night’s red lipstick or flecks of glitter frm the club still glinting on her collar bones or the sticky sweet scent of 2pm laughter that u can almost swear smells like wine (END OF TW)

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, lace dresses w nips peeking, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly…. she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n LOVES to grin over literally ANYTHING it’s wild like what’s even so funny? idk bt she’s having a blast

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?