#without enough common sense to worry about how objectively disgusting anything from that store is for that purpose

[sluttish-armchair]

Well the good thing about the tiny stubby 50 cent thing I got from the hardware store is that it’s too gross for me… and it can serve as a red (or blue… it’s blue) herring if anything were to come out

[flowerspecial]

“I’ll leave you if you want me to” Jinyoung - Part 2

To say you was shocked was an understatement. You hadn't seen this boy in years, and here he was, stood right in front of you. You couldn't find the words to say so you smiled at him timidly.

Jinyoung handed over a few of the items in his basket. But honestly he thought you would at least say hello to say. So when he was met with nothing but silence, he decided to drag this encounter out.

“Sorry, I forgot something. Give me a second.” Jinyoung walked back down the isle to get something. This was your cue to let out an exasperated sigh. It felt like it was the first breathe you had taken since he had walked in.

Jinyoung seemed to be taking his time, so you proceeded to continue with the unfinished homework that you were doing earlier that evening. It was usual of you to bring homework with you to your shift. You didn't always have the time outside of work to finish everything. So it was like killing two birds with one stone. Besides, if you finish your homework during your shift, it meant that you could actually have some free time. Which was always greatly appreciated.

You were interrupted from your studies as Jinyoung placed more items on the counter top. As you began to scan through the items, you noticed a common theme. Jinyoung appeared to be buying all the food that either you shared together, or was your favourite. Your heart wasn’t entirely made out of stone, and it did indeed warm a little knowing that he still remembers what you like. But you tried not to get too giddy. Remembering how easily he let you go scorned you like a thorn and you weren’t going to let him get away with it that easily.

“Hey, what time do you finish?” He asked you.

“Not until 2am.” You replied bluntly. You were still refusing to even look at Jinyoung, so instead you looked down at the counter.

“Okay, cool, I’ll wait for you outside.” Jinyoung said very state-of-fact like. Before you could object he gave you the money to cover the food and quickly turned on his heels and headed out of the door. You watched him walk out, slightly dumbfounded. He sat on a table that was outside of the store and started to eat his food.

You shuck yourself out of your trance like state as you realised you hadn't put the money in the cash register. Jinyoung gave you far too much money leaving you with quite a hefty tip. But you weren't going to let him buy you off that quickly so you stalked outside to where he was sitting. Without a single word, you placed the change on the table in front of him and walked away. Oddly enough you felt a sense of power from the small gesture.

You looked at the clock to see you had around half an hour left before you needed to close up for the night. You knew that no customers would come in at this ungodly hour so you decided to do all the heavy duty cleaning tasks. You cleaned all the shelves and mopped the floor. You also made sure that all the merchandise was flush to the edge, to attract customer’s attention.

When home time came around, you went into the back to grab you coat and bag. You collected all your school work from the countertop and walked out of the store. You locked up the store and started to walk away to head on home.

“Hey wait up!” Honestly you had forgotten that Jinyoung was waiting for you. It was just a habit of yours to walk home alone, so your brain instantly thought that was what you were doing tonight. You turned around to see Jinyoung jogging to catch up to you. You had your hands in your coat pockets and you shuffle your feet slightly, nervously anticipating the inevitable awkward conversation that was about to happen.

When he arrived beside you, he turned you around slightly so he could reach the zipper of your backpack. “Here, I got those for you. I know they are your favourite.” He smiled warmly but you couldn't help but feel a bit irked at his statement. How did he ‘know’ that they are still your favourite. Like how does he definitely know they are your favourite? He hasn’t seen you in years, you could have changed for all he knows.

“Oh right, because I’m still just as predictable as I used to be?” You rolled your eyes and stormed off without him. Jinyoung was a bit taken back with your comment, but it didn't take him long to catch up with you again and he grabbed your arm in an attempt to stop you.

“What was that about?” He asked you, truly feeling confused. “I just thought it would be nice to get my best friend their favourite chocolate.”

“Best friend? Jinyoung, are you actually being serious right now?” You all but shouted at him. “We haven’t spoken to each other in years. Because YOU wanted me to leave you alone. Our friendship died that day, because you were too self concerned to see me. I get that you was a trainee, and you needed to prove you were good enough to be there. But you didn't need to drop me in the process. I was nothing but supportive of you, and yet, clearly, that wasn’t enough. Was it? Because you left me, just like everything else that was a reminder of the past. You wanted to prove that you were this amazing and elite person so much that you were willing to drop all of your past just to get there. And I still haven’t forgiven you for that.”

At the end of your speech you didn't want to give Jinyoung a chance to explain. But as you attempted to turn away he tightened the grip on your arm to keep you in place. Only, Jinyoung couldn't find the words to say. He was truly hurt that his actions affected you like this.

“I was young, and stupid, and a made a mistake. I don’t know how to make this up to you.”

“Honestly? I don’t think you can. It’s not an excuse that you were young. I was young yet I didn't leave you. You let greed get in the way of our friendship.” You spoke to him now in a much lower voice. You didn't have the energy to shout. You felt defeated once again. You felt hurt, once again.

“You’re right, you are absolutely right. I did let greed get in the way of our friendship. I was narrow minded, and all I thought about was debuting. I was worried that if I spent so much time with you that I would fall behind. I think I blamed you for my own insecurities.”

“That’s exactly my point Jinyoung! I was never going to stop you from achieving your dream. Heck I wanted you to debut so much that I would have done anything to help you get there. All I wanted was just a few hours together, just to prove that we could get through this. I wanted you to prove to me that when you did make it, you wouldn’t leave me in the dirt. I wanted you to prove to me that our friendship could handle anything. But you didn't.”

Those three words. Those three last words triggered such a powerful response in Jinyoung that he broke down on the spot. He never realised that every time he rejected you, he was breaking your friendship up. Little by little, his own selfish actions had torn your friendship apart. He was disgusted with himself.

“Please let me make it up to you.” Jinyoung begged. “I will do anything. I’m not the stupid idiot I was back then. I promise you. Every milestone that I've had I prayed that you were the one that I would be celebrating it with. Without you by my side, every achievement has felt insignificant. I’ve already lost you once, and truly it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. But I’m here now, and if you let me in, I’m never letting go of you again.”

You weighed up your options as Jinyoung looked at you with tear filled eyes. But you knew that to have Jinyoung back in your life would be filling that hole in your heart that had been present since he had left. And there was nothing to say that you had to be as close as you once were straight away. You could work back up to it, make him gain your trust again. You knew that it was better to do that, then to let him slip out of your life forever.

“I finish class at 11am tomorrow. Meet me at our coffee shop at 12.”