#with your soul beyond the infinity ♾

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

[mtnkat3]

Good morning my loves! My beloved Bears & Angels! Oh how I think of you! Even in my sleep.. I feel & talk with you.. I find beauty in that!

I've been up since 8am [bed ~1.40am] & trying to get things done, & talk to people too. I pray to be the help, & a beacon of God's Love to those I know & speak to. I hope I help! I give that to God.

I just.. I miss you .. so badly! Maybe that's why God has opened up some glimpses to me. I mean I don't have a clue about some things. Obviously. & the whys are driving me bonkers! but I know that I feel you .. sometimes better than others. I love you . That's what matters. When I get to throw open the barn doors.. whatever configuration that may be.. I know that I will have been blessed beyond measure! Because I will be free! And I know in my soul that's how He will bring us together!

I won't ever give up!

Not on God, you, us, nor myself!

I'll be back to doing handstands on my bed just for fun! Lol! [Last was 2012.]

I so wanna be doing yoga, pilates, dancing, bellydancing, several martial arts [krav maga, aikido, mma, tai chai, jujitsu, some others I know...] dancing, swimming.. omg, this fishing kat so misses water! [Tigers love water!] I want to do things that I can both enjoy but also feel good & inspired & watch myself become better at.

I've always been a climber & a bit of a daredevil. so getting back to pushing my own limits is definitely something that I want & need to do. And I mean getting over phobias that piss me off. [Like handbridges. The ocean because of near drownings & such.]

No matter how strong I am, or appear to be. I am a woman. A fallible human being. I make mistakes, own up to them & work to do better. I am both physically more strong than I appear, being chubby. sigh. But mentally I'm strong even when I'm scared & afraid. I know what my fears are. and that's important. That's how we work thru them. I know that I am both nervous to make the big step out the door to freedom. But also jumpy jellybeans excited too! The nervousness is that I won't have anyone to break my fall. I will make it, or fall flat on my face. That's up to God, & me making righteous woman decisions. That's me being wise, with my financial health, & my body, goals, health & life. To be a good, wise, righteous woman. Step carefully.

Ok my loves .. between the time getting away from me.. stuff I have got to get done & needing to get moving.. & this dang lag! Guess tumblr is trying to stop me using 10! Roflmao!

I love you .

Period.

I will never give up.

~True love never dies & true love always waits!.~

I work & await on my cliffside. .

For my universe I'll wait for eternity.. into infinity.

Your complex quirky warrior queen daughter.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺🐾🐯✝️

🤓👩😌🙇‍♀️⚓🙏🌂🔗⛓🧰🦉🐢

⌚⚡🌠🚀🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾🧭🕯🎶💋

Th.11.10.2022 10.42am est.

[mtnkat3]

I refuse.

I refuse to accept that.

You know that.

You know that I've been forged in fires..

There's no cowardice.

Not even a sliver.

No. This is another test.

One I will fight & battle alone if need be.

It seems to be.

But.

I was given a steel backbone.

I am alive because He Created me this way. And wants me here. Now.

The Lord didn't make me, nor you .. nor this love in error.

I refuse to give up.

Even when it seems like I'm not moving, not making progress. I am. I'm alive. I'm fighting back.

I refuse to let the adversary, & its minion wh win.

Thst just isn't gonna happen.

Not with me.

God has me in the battlefield of my mind, yes. But I know.. you know.. God knows.

I am better than all these tests.

I am worthy!

I am deserving!

And so are you .

I am not meant to be small, nor sunk low in the background. I am not meant to disappear.. like a ghost.

I am meant to work.

And.. I am meant to do so such that other's see.. at least some of it. Sigh.

I'd rather do all of the work quietly & only show that my hard work has paid off.

But does that tell the story?

No.

It does not.

It doesn't show that even His alpha queen daughter must struggle.

I am meant to step to your side & take your hand ... with effort.

With a witness to the world that I have struggled since the moment of my birth to live!

I had to be borne . In such a way,.. live in such a way.. that I set an example.

So that others know they are not alone.

That they can do it too!

I am not disabled nor unable to move.

I am Blessed.

I know this.

I am meant to smile quietly.

And show no matter what life has thrown at you it is possible to overcome anything!

So my loves . .

I am not. I will not. Ever. Give up.

It is not in my DNA.

It is not in my soul.

It is not part of the backbone God Created in me.

No matter how many times the adversary has tried to kill me.

He doesn't have the power to destroy me.

God alone has the power.

He Created me thru fire.

He forged my soul with strength that astonishes me.

He made me so damn stubborn mulish that I am not capable of giving in.

So..

You wanna know what I feel about ... the thought of you .. giving up on me?

Fuck. That. Bullshit.

[Pushing up my sleeves. Mule fighting expression. Since hit tumblr damn 10 gif. Gr.]

You've waited years... & now? when I'm literally at the 10yd line? When I'm about to pounce & kick wh & evil's ass.. you wanna act all...

No.

AB-SO-FUCKING-LUTELY not. No.

Only one thing will change that.

Your choice.

God's Plan.

So. You think about that.

I've asked you think about a lot of things.

I've been forced to ask you to wait.

Unwillingly.

I am brought to my knees at the mere thought because it hurts my soul to no end.

The tears burning my nose & eyes.

It is something that I have been praying & asking for God's forgiveness on.

It's something that I pray that you .. can.. will want to.. forgive me for.

But it is up to you .

Me.. I'm gonna fight.

With my last breath.

I will fight. for me. For you. For us. For life. To live.

To be Blessed.

That you will want me to walk with you thru life.

To die the way we are meant to. Together.

I have no expectations.

I only have plans that I feel God has given, & shown, me.

His expectations of me.

I am His warrior queen daughter after all.

I only pray to walk.. side by side.. with my kings

My soul's priceless precious treasured beloved mates .. my Bears . my Angels .

I won't ever give up.

Will you .. ?

Praying to God on my knees not.

You are everything. To me.

I await.. on my cliffside.

~True love never dies & true love always waits!.~

For eternity. Into infinity. For my universe.

Your sad, upset, knowing but not.. frustrated, humbled, bowed, loving beyond measure.. Your complex quirky warrior queen daughter.!

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺🐾🐯✝️

☔😥😖🤓👩🙊🙈🙉🙇‍♀️🙏👣⚓🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙⚒🛠🏗🧱⚔⚖🗽🥧🍁🧣🥾🍋🥤🥨🥮🍯🍼☕🍫🍎🍑🍒🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵⌚⚡🌠💡🚀🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾🧭🕯💋

Su.11.6.2022 12.35pm est!