#winchester life needed 100% more dog! dog saves the day.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Breathe

Dean x Castiel

Word Count: ~2580

Warnings: Dean feels. Angst with a happy ending. 

A/N: This is my finale fix-it to tie up some loose ends and patch some holes. 100% canon compliant, but... better! 

Thanks to @rockhoochie​ for the read and @thoughtslikeaminefield​ for all the cheerleading. 

Dean wants to scream, wait. 

Wait, Cas. 

Just a minute. 

I need a minute to breathe, Cas. 

I need more time. Please. 

It’s all too much, too much to process, too much to feel, and then the Empty is sending tendrils of black oozing nothingness up Cas’s face, smothering him, taking him away, and… 

There isn’t any more time. He’s gone. 

Dean is out of time, and he can’t breathe, let alone speak, and Cas is gone before Dean can say, I love you too. 

—

Of course Dean loved him, but… 

Family, they’d always said. It never occurred to Dean that it could’ve been… that. That it could’ve been more. Something new. 

Whenever he starts thinking about it, trying to examine his feelings a little closer, he feels like he’s drowning. The loss is so big, right now. There’s no room for anything else, and it’s terrifying, how easily it could pull Dean under. 

Dean tells himself there will be time. After they get Chuck, after they end this thing… yeah. He’ll have time. He’ll figure it out. 

Later. When it doesn’t hurt so much. 

— 

Dean’s not really sure what to do with his free will, now he has it. He doesn’t feel any different. He thought it’d feel different somehow. 

He’s tired. He’s not a goddamn hero any more; there’s no all-powerful asshole putting cosmic Tiger Balm on his sore muscles for the sake of the fucking narrative. He aches, now, and some mornings he wakes up feeling like he’s been holding the actual weight of the world on his shoulders. 

All that loss is a heavy thing to carry around. He’s getting too old to play Atlas. 

It gets easier, but not by much. There are still things that Dean can’t say out loud. He hasn’t even said the name. 

His dad always said it was selfish to waste time on shit like that. Can’t be sittin’ around feeling sorry for yourself when there are people to save, things to hunt… 

Plenty of things to hunt, that’s for damn sure. It feels mundane after what they’ve been up against, but there are plenty of monsters; they keep Dean busy enough that he doesn’t have time to dwell. 

No apocalypses. No gods, no angels. Just Sam and Dean and their dog, and one hunt after another. 

—

“I know you’re not telling me everything,” Sam says quietly, over breakfast one morning. “You gotta talk about Cas at some point, Dean.” 

“Soon.” He clears his throat. “Soon. I need some time before I can talk about… him.” 

“Dean.” 

“Cas. Before I can talk about losing Cas. Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

It’s quiet for a few minutes as they eat their eggs. 

“How’s Eileen?” Dean asks quietly. 

Sam sighs. “We’re taking it slow. Maybe it’s stupid. I know she’s alive, but…” 

“You lost her.” 

“I lost her. And that’s all mixed up with… with how much I love her. I don’t know how to feel one without the other right now.” 

Dean almost laughs at that. Trust Sam to find exactly the right words for what Dean hasn’t been able to admit to himself. 

Love isn’t just love, it’s loss, and the fear of loss, and the knowledge that most people leave. They leave, and it hurts like hell. Dean doesn’t even remember what it’s like to love someone without expecting to lose them. Loss goes hand in hand with love, especially if you’re a fucking Winchester. 

“Like I said,” Dean tells him. “You need time. We both do.” 

Something shifts in Sam’s expression, like he understands, and Dean looks away. 

—

Dad always insisted that Dean make his bed in the morning. It had to be neat, everything tucked in tight… his dad learned it in the military. He taught Dean in turn, beat it into him until the lesson stuck, and Dean’s never been able to shake the habit. 

Until now. 

His dog is ready to go out and chase a frigging frisbee for a while. Dean doesn’t want to spend another five minutes making sure his bed is up to goddamn military standards. He wants to throw a frisbee and drink some coffee and hit the frigging road. 

So that’s what he’s going to do. 

It’s scary, but in a good way, like the last moment when a rollercoaster pauses before it drops. 

What’s the use of free will if he’s still following orders from a memory? 

—

That night, when he comes in and sees his rumpled sheets, Dean can’t breathe. He grabs the bottle of whiskey from the nightstand and heads right back out again. 

He knows Jack talked about being everywhere, but it feels better in the open air. Easier, somehow. The knot in Dean’s chest loosens slightly when he turns his face up to the moon. 

“Jack?” he says tentatively. “Jack, I dunno if you’re listening, buddy, but… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for… all of it. Being a fuckin’ hardass. Treating you like you weren’t part of the family. You were always part of the family. You hearin’ this?” 

There’s no real answer, but Dean didn’t really expect one. He takes a slug of whiskey, wipes his mouth, takes another, and for a second he thinks it’s the alcohol, giving him that funny warm feeling.  

“Hi, Jack,” he manages. “I’d pour one out for you, but… seems like a fuckin’ waste, if you’re… I dunno. In everything, or whatever.”

This is a happy sort of warmth; it lingers. 

“My dad would say I’m being selfish, right now. Feelin’ sorry for myself. Looking back. Wasting my time wishing things could be different. But…” 

Dean looks up at the stars again. They go blurry. 

“I just — fuck. Fuck it. I don’t know what to say.” 

He sits down on the ground, head in his hands, and takes a moment to be selfish. 

—

Dean feels a little thrill the first few times he leaves his bed unmade. After about a week, it starts to feel like a new habit. 

In the morning, he ignores his dad’s voice in his head. At night, he takes his fifth of Jameson outside and sits under the stars. 

It’s quiet, nothing but crickets and wind to keep him company, but he’s not alone. Jack’s right there, waiting, whenever Dean takes the time to listen. 

He gets that glow in his chest every night. It feels like Jack’s smile did, when he waved goodbye: warm and bright and pure. It feels like his mom’s hugs used to, back when he was a kid. It feels like comfort. 

Little by little, day by day, it gets easier. The kid’s always there, waiting for him, even if Dean doesn’t know what to say. 

What would happen if he prayed to Cas? 

No. No point in wondering. Dean knows that the answer is nothing. Nothing — abso-fucking-lutely fuck-all. There would be no answer, no rustle of wings, no raspy “Hello, Dean” — he would pray, and it would be silent, because Cas is gone. 

Dean missed his chance.

—

“You out there, Jack?” 

He’s out there. Dean’s starting to trust that he’ll always be there. 

“I’m trying, okay? I’m trying to be me, not him. I don’t want to be him. ” 

He has to pause and take a deep breath. He’s been thinking about how to say it all day, and the words still don’t come easy. 

“I want to be the person you thought I could be. You and Cas, you always thought —” He takes a long drink. “— fuck. My dad didn’t — he didn’t say that enough, and I wish he’d taught me how to — how to tell people. I love you, Jack. I’m sorry. I should’ve said that sooner. To you, and… to a lot of people, probably.” 

The tears start to spill over, hot and stinging, and it’s okay, Dean reminds himself. Jack’s still there. He’s not leaving. 

“It hurts too much,” he admits, and his voice breaks. “Thinking about what I could’ve had, if I hadn’t… wasted all that time. I should’ve told Cas.” 

Dean doesn’t fight the tears. He lets himself cry until there’s nothing left, until his eyes are puffy and his voice is raw. 

When he gets up, brushes himself off, wipes his cheeks, he feels lighter. It still hurts, but he feels lighter. 

“Love you, Jack,” Dean says quietly, into the silence. “Talk to you tomorrow.” 

—

Sam is watching a family — the mom and dad and kid all holding hands, their smiles bright in the sunshine — and he looks sad. 

Dean knows what Sam would say, if he asked. 

Someday, maybe. I wouldn’t mind having kids… someday. 

When Dean thinks about family, he thinks about the past: the childhood that he dimly remembers, when everyone he loved was under one roof. He doesn’t think, someday. Not like Sam does. Most of Dean’s family is long gone, and if they ever held hands at a pie festival, Dean doesn’t fucking remember it. 

Dean tries not to dwell on it, but he’ll always remember heaven, all those years ago. Dean’s heaven was going back home to be with his family again. Sam’s heaven was running away to try to find a home of his own. 

Dean wants to tell him to go. He wants Sam to be happy almost as much as he wants Sam to stay. 

“I’m thinking about Cas. You know? Jack. If they could be here.” 

Fuck. 

For a moment, Dean lets himself imagine: holding Cas’s hand, making him laugh, walking in the park, sitting on an old porch swing, eating pie. Maybe they would have beehives. Maybe Dean would get a guitar.

Maybe they could’ve had a life together. Maybe they could’ve been happy. 

“I think about ‘em too,” Dean says quietly. 

It still hurts. Fuck, it hurts. 

— 

It takes Dean a moment to process what he’s feeling. The rebar punched through skin and muscle, and at first it just feels strange. The pain hits later. The fight’s over by the time Dean really understands what’s happening. 

He considers his options. 

He could call an ambulance. He could call Jack. He could barter and bargain and claw his way back one more time. 

He could rest. 

It’s not gonna be pretty, this way. He can feel it in there, cold and intrusive, chilling him from the inside. It’s gonna get messy real fast. 

Dean closes his eyes and tries to breathe. It’s harder than it should be. 

Jack, he thinks. Jack, I need a favor, buddy. Give me a minute, okay? And… let me go easy, maybe. If we could just skip the coughing up blood, and… yeah. I don’t want Sammy to have to watch that. Can you do that for me? Just… let me go easy, and… give me a minute to talk to my brother.

He feels that now-familiar warmth. The pain recedes, and the chill with it. 

Thanks, Jack, he thinks, and then he opens his eyes. 

“Sam,” he says quietly. “I don’t think I’m going anywhere.” 

— 

So this is it.  

He wants to see Mom and Dad, of course. He wants to give his mom a hug. He wants to just… sit with his dad. No pressure, no hunt, no rules, no orders. Maybe things can finally be simple again. As soon as Sam gets here, they’ll all be together — all those people he never thought he’d be able to hold again, all in one place. 

Dean doesn’t have to worry about losing them ever again. 

They’ll stay. 

No more goodbyes. No more loss. 

And for the first time in his life, Dean’s not in a rush to get somewhere else. He’s got nothing but time. 

He’s going to wait for Sammy. He’s going to figure out what he’s going to say to Cas. He’s going to breathe. 

Dean goes for a drive. 

— 

“Hey, Sammy.” 

“Dean.” 

They breathe. They take their time. They’re in no rush. 

Eventually, though, it’s time to hit the road again. 

“You want to pick the music?” Dean asks. 

Sam laughs as the engine rumbles to life. “Man, you must’ve missed me.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I really fuckin’ did.” 

“Are we gonna talk about this?” Sam pulls out the mix tape Dean made for Cas, all those years ago, and holds it up with a knowing smirk. He pops the cassette into the tape deck and turns up the volume. 

“Dude, you have decades worth of shit to tell me about,” Dean grumbles.

“Yeah. And you’ve got some unfinished business to deal with. Let’s go find Cas.”  

“Bitch.” 

“Jerk.” 

—

Dean’s not sure how long they’ve been driving, but he knows exactly what he wants to say — he has a speech, he has it all planned out — by the time they round a corner and see the house. Dean just stops. If they weren’t in heaven, the brakes would squeal like a motherfucker. 

He stares for a moment. It’s the house where Dean grew up, but… better. 

It’s the only house on the block now; no neighbors, plenty of privacy. It’s surrounded by a big, sprawling garden, all fenced in, and the fence needs some repairs, he can see already. There’s a stream running through the backyard, big enough that there’s probably some decent-sized trout lurking in the eddies. 

There’s a garage, too, and a car inside under a sheet, surrounded by tools, waiting for him. It looks like Baby, and Dean does a double take before deciding that he’s not going to question the logistics here. It’s heaven. Of course he has one Baby to drive, one Baby to tinker with and detail endlessly. 

There’s a porch, a big wraparound one with a swing out front. The house itself needs a fresh coat of paint; it’s starting to look a little worn around the edges, but it’s surface damage, nothing structural. It’s like the laugh lines Dean sees in the mirror when he smiles, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He earned those lines. 

Dean can’t wait to spend long quiet days in the sunshine, fixing this house up, putting some love into it, making it his own. 

There are two whitewashed beehives tucked into a corner of the garden, under an arbor, and suddenly Dean’s heart is racing. 

“I think this is my stop,” he says. His voice is a little wobbly. 

“I’ll get out and walk the rest of the way,” Sam tells him with a grin. “I’ve got a funny feeling my place is just around the corner.” 

“Love you, Sammy.” 

“Love you.” He gives Dean a hug. “See you soon.” 

The gate squeaks when he flicks the latch and swings it open. I can fix that, Dean thinks absentmindedly, as a dog starts barking. 

His dog. Miracle. He recognizes that bark. 

Cas is waiting on the porch. He’s beaming, brighter than sunshine, just like the last time Dean saw him, but this time Dean’s smiling too. 

He had a speech. He forgets most of it, now.

Dean takes the last step too quickly. He almost stumbles, and Cas grabs him by the upper arm, laughing, holding him steady. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says, and Dean’s so happy he can barely breathe. 

“I love you too,” he says, and before their lips meet he says it again, just because he can: “I love you, too, Cas.” 

He knows there’s more he wanted to say, but it can wait. They’ve got time. 

.

.

.

If you enjoyed this, please reblog and/or leave a message! 

[bellatrixxue]

Xue’s Supernatural Dare: Wendigo (S1 EP2)

Hello, everyone? How did everyone feel about the finale? Yes? Yes? Oh. Oh. Oh my. Oh, dear.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell that half-assed homophobic chicken-shit fuckbucket’s not gonna stop me, since I strapped myself onto this roller coaster already and I promised I’m not getting out until the ride’s over, so here we go, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Also, those who are in this roller coaster with me, ready? Tag list is: @fangirlxwritesx67​ @amazingiam00​ @kalliravenne​ @indecisive20something​ @2musiclover2​ @impossibletosleepthrough @there-must-be-a-lock​ @wingedcatninja​ @arvit​

Oh my gods this recap is so cheesy I actually can make a fondue out of it. 2000s, everybody!

A WHOLE MINUTE AND A HALF FOR THAT FONDUE

FUCKJUMPSCARETITLEFUCKYOU

So we’re starting the episode with the murder scene first, eh? Is that gonna be a trend?

Oh come on, Chads, you’re out in nature and you’re playing video games? Absorb the nature...before it absorbs you!

Waitwait. Holy shit is that...is that Cory Monteith? Oh, bless his soul...

If the wendigo eats his dick as he’s peeing I’m immediately giving Jensen Ackles $100. For no real reason, I just feel like giving him money for already carrying the show on his back.

I can’t tell if it did or not, so I’m not paying yet.

Aw, Sammy...

"I should have told you the truth.” *Vine voice* BUT YOU DIDN’T

FUCKYOUINTHEASSHOhnightmare. Nightmare. So did he visit her at her grave or not? I need answers.

A week? Goddamn. Poor thing. That man-eating tree’s fucking good at his job, man.

“There’s nothing there, it’s just...woods,” Sam, I don’t know if Jess’s death hit you hard or if you got into law school by eating some ancient dick and/or pussy instead of earning that high score fair and square, but the woods “in the middle of nowhere” (your words) are known to be one of the top places full of weird-ass creatures. Even kindergartners know that.

Ehehehehehehehehe he’s so smol next to his lil bro my lil shit

At least you’re coming up with decent covers this time. No Agent Mulder and Scully ruining things for you this time around.

“Bull” oop-

Oh Dean’s a smoooooooooth operator. Good going, buddy.

AND HE GOT A COPY OF THAT DOCUMENT TEAM DEAN TEAM DEAN

Oh that death really got to Sam. I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a trigger-happy psycho. Or eat the man-eating tree and become one himself.

Oh, Haley’s a cutie! Which one’s her brother? Cory? Discount Enrique Iglesias?

Do you have a card for EVERY profession, Dean? And how do I get them too?

That is a very pretty car. I bet they wasted half the budget on that thing.

Okay, sonny boy, little bro, Broseidon, calm down.

Ah, fuck, Haley and Broseidon is gonna go into the woods, that’s more heads to worry about.

How the fuck does Sam find information this fast? I’m impressed, I take five hours to get to one article for my research paper. Or maybe I’m just lazy. So he really earned his law school interview without having to eat dick and pussy, huh.

Every 23 years? What is this, Pennywise? Are we going to see the wendigo do his best Tim Curry do his best scary clown impression? Honk honk?

“Whatever that thing is, it can move.” And the sun rises on the East, Sammy. Why are you so smart and dumb at the same time? Is this his character trait? It might grow on me.

Ahhh, so Sam’s go-to move at interrogation is doing puppy dog eyes and sympathize with the person. He’d make a good lawyer, shame that man-eating tree.

Go Grandpa Exposition, go!

Go Grandpa Exposition, go, give us information and none at all!

OH GEEZ THAT SCAR. PENNYWISE WENDIGO IS VICIOUS.

Skinwalker, Back Dog...Ooh, those all sound cool! I hope we get to see them soon!

‘Corporeal’ doesn’t sound like a real word, but then again, English doesn’t sound like a real language. Sorry. Moving on.

Sam’s gonna eat the wendigo with that attitude, Jesus Christ.

AND HIS BROTHER, AT THIS RATE. If the real villain turns out to be inside Sam all along I’m gonna flip. Is that why women keep dying and burning on ceilings where he sleeps? Is he secretly Lucifer’s spawn or something?

“Oh sweetheart I don’t wear shorts”. They queer-coded him from the start and they tried to make you believe he was straight for fifteen seasons straight? And some people bought that?

Oh, crap, another crappy death treatment for Cory before he got into Glee...No, I wasn’t into Glee, I just watched a few episodes and I might hate Rachel Berry...And Lea Michele...ahem...

Dean is totally flirting with Roy shut upppppppp

OOP AND THERE ROY GOES OH THE SEXUAL TENSION IS HIGH IN THESE WOODS TODAY

“It’s probably the most honest I’ve been with a woman. Ever.” See. Bi. Bi bi bi.

So...why the coordinates, Daddy Negan? Is this a portal to Hell? A place where man-eating trees grow?

*carefully places death flag on Roy*

Ooooh the campsite is very...haunted house-y. You know what I’m saying?

That’s not Discount Enrique Iglesias, but Pennywise wendigo, yes? Those things can mimic human voices, right?

*Google searches*...There are so many versions of this tale I can’t even confirm or deny it. Dammit.

Maybe Pennywise wendigo just wants some snacks and a nice phone and GPS? Maybe he misses his family in uh, Canada or something?

Daddy Negan’s journal is  a e s t h e t i q u e .

I’m so sorry, but the way Sammy smirks as he speaks with those dark, dark voids for eyes? My boy’s a demon. He’s a demon, I’m telling you.

At least Haley has some sense to her. *puts another death flag on Roy*

*PUTS YET ANOTHER DEATH FLAG ON ROY*

True, that. What the heck is Daddy Negan up to with all of this?

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business!” Okay, the way Dean said it gave me chills.

I can actually empathize with Sam here...As whiny and bitchy as he is, he has his reasons to be this way. I guess if I were in his shoes, I’d be less of a Dean and more of a Sam, too. We deal with our losses quite similarly.

Ah, the brotherly bonding moments like these little talks make the show worth it. It’s so heartwarming.

Pennywise wendigo! I didn’t miss you, why’re you here to burst my happy bubble?

I’m starting to see a slight parallel between Haley and Broseidon and Dean and Sammy. Hmm.

Nice meeting you, Roy. Zoop you go.

Haley and Broseidon are taking this rather well, I’m glad they do.

Okay, actual exposition time, thank you.

Whoa, Broseidon speaks! Donner Party! Please don’t remind me of that! Those poor people!

Hibernation and food storage. Delightful, just delightful.

TORCHING? *CALLS RAMMSTEIN*

Somehow, not being able to see the wendigo is scarier to me than what I will probably see itself. Limited budget horror can actually work well.

Oh, dear, Roy literally did a death drop. Badum tissssssssss.

FUCK IT TOOK DEAN THE ONLY CHARACTER I CARE ABOUImean I love you too, Sam! Come on, let’s find him before it’s too late!

A trail of M&Ms! Yes, Broseidon! And Hansel and Gretel refercalled it. Sammy, you and I share the same wavelength?

SHITSHITTHEYTRIPPEDANDFELLINTHEFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Thank the gods the Pennywise wendigo kept them right there. Chances.

DISCOUNT ENRIQUE IGLESIAS IS STILL ALIVE GEEZ BUT ALSO PHEW

Ah, Dean Winchester, I love you so much that I can’t even begin to describe it.

Also how convenient that the flare guns are there. Deus ex machina!

Haley would bode well as a hunter, look at her courage, her will. There are more hunters around than Daddy Negan and the brothers, right?

Yeah, seeing the actual wendigo makes me less scared of it now. It’s unnerving, but still.

TEAM DEAN YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW

Graphics are...alright, but it’s the thought that counts!

Running with the grizzly bear story. Smart Broseidon. Ben. Sorry, you deserve to be called by your real name. I think with practice they could become good hunters, along with their Discount Enrique Iglesias brother! Is there a fanfiction for that? Can I write it now?

...

I AM WILLING TO DIE TO PROTECT DEAN WINCHESTER I

Haley’s a lesbian, that’s why she kissed him on the cheek only. Headcanoned. Also I have a crush on her, she’s really pretty? Like? Heart eyes???

Ah, the siblings parallels again. Let’s hope neither of the two brothers end up in the bed like that.

“Man, I hate camping.” Really. Really really. Really.

“I’m driving”

...

SAM WINCHESTER I’M SORRY I EVER SPOKE ILL OF YOU I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE TOO I PROMISE YOU I WILL

It’s just a sassy bisexual brother and his little snide bisexual brother on the road to kill evil creatures and find their father and I love this show? Help? Help???

I really, really see the charm of Supernatural now! I’m fully invested in both brothers and their story, and I’m cheering them both on! Let’s get Daddy Negan back and get rid of that man-eating tree once and for all!

Six stars out of five!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This dare is introducing me to a whole new world, and I really, really am glad I took that jump a few days ago, man!

Thank you everyone for reading my ramblings, and I’ll see you in the day after with the next review! Thank you for sticking with me! Buh-bye!

- Xue

[itrytowrite-things]

Shifting into the supernatural

Sam x reader (platonic), Dean x reader (platonic)

Summary: Y/N has a tendency to leave her world for the supernatural word and Sam Wonder why. 

A/N: From what I understand shifting is a super realistic version of lucid dreaming. It is a big thing on tik tok at the moment. So that is where I got the inspiration for this fic. I have not attempted to shift realities so I am not 100% sure how it works so if you are interested in attempting to shift watch a youtube video and do research.

I sat in the small hotel bathtub. My knees pulled into my chest at an attempt to make myself as small as possible. The tub was only about 4 feet long and half that deep, which didn't mix well when you put two people in it. Especially when one of them was Sam Winchester who stood at 6’4” without shoes. Sam let out a small grunt as he tried to sit up taller, his left foot kicking me in the back. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, moving around trying to fit his legs at a more comfortable angle. I quickly shushed him. Dean was just outside of the door, a girl screaming at him as he calmly tried to explain why he was also sleeping with her friend after their night of so-called “passion”. It would be quite funny if he hadn’t forced Sam and I into the bathroom after getting the angry call from said girl claiming she was coming to get “something off her chest”. I am pretty sure he thought she was gonna come in, rant about her day, and then take him away to have a “good” time, meaning Sammy and I would only be in the bathtub for the five minutes it took Dean to suggest heading back to her place. But when she came in yelling about Dean being a “no good dirty bastard” we knew we would be in here for a while.

The creaking under Sam's weight felt like the loudest sound for miles, even though it hardly made a dent against the sound waves traveling from the hotel room. The yelling soon grew repetitive and old, no longer being gossip to hold against Dean. I looked at Sam for a while, trying not to laugh as he grimaced about the details the girl was giving about her night with Dean. Dean’s voice soon came into the conversation. Sam and I had both zoned it out at that point. 

“Kid, there actually is something I have been meaning to ask you,” I nodded at him to continue. “Why do you come here?'' The question stumped me. I knew why I shifted into their world everyday, why I sat anxiously in my last class waiting for the bell to ring so I could come here and be with them. Why I hold in a tiny breath every time I start to shift, praying that this still works. I had just never had to put those feelings into words. Now all of the words I was  thinking felt wrong. Like the weight of them didn’t match the weight in my heart. 

“Not that we don’t love to have you here Y/N. I mean we wait around all morning for you to get here. I just don’t understand why. You’ve told us about your world. There are no monsters or demons or angels in your world. No looming apocalypse every year or death waiting around the corner. You are safe there, so why come here?” 

They waited for me, they sat here anxiously waiting to see if I would show up. That’s why I came here, I thought. 

“I matter here, Sammy,” he looked confused at me, his puppy dogs eyes shining through. “At home I am always second best. You know the friend you talk to after your first friend said no. Or the filler friend until you can find someone better to replace me. I am average in my classes and just in life in general, but here; I matter. I am on Team Free Will, saving the earth.” My voice starts to lose its edge and volume. “I am truly loved here, you and Dean and Cas make everything better. I guess because you care about me so deeply, that it makes me care about myself. So you’re right, no death threatening event in my world, but also, no you. No Dean. No Cas. Hell I would appreciate Crowley being in my world.” We both let out a laugh that dies down quickly as we soak up the new knowledge we were each given. 

Sam suddenly had that protective big brother look on his face, the one that was normally displayed on Dean's face. It felt weird to go from being the one that cares and makes sure everyone is okay to being looked at like a fragile being that someone else is willing to hold together while you fall apart. I cried the first time Dean looked at me like that, I wanted to be mad and tell him piss off that. I didn’t need a big brother to watch over me. I had gone my whole life without one, but the truth was, I desperately needed a big brother and now I am realizing, I needed two. 

“Don’t tell Dean though, don't need him getting all sappy on me.” We both let out a loud chuckle that rippled off the small bathroom walls. Sam leaned back into his laugh. 

Cold water jolted out of the shower head, spraying me directly in the chest. A gasp escaped me, as it soaked straight through my clothes. Sam’s laugh became nuclear, he seemed unbothered by the water that was slowly making it way to his side of the bath. Too distracted by my current shivering state. I pulled sharply at the edge of his flannel to catch him off guard. He fell forward, giving me just enough room to slip underneath him to the other side of the tub. The laughter stopped abruptly, the cold water knocking the air out of his lungs. It was my turn to let out a loud cackle. 

We were so caught up in the water war that we didn’t notice the lack of yelling followed by the loud sound of the front door slamming. Dean threw open the bathroom door. His mouth formed around words but stopped at the sight of me and Sam laying on the tub floor soaking wet, water still cascading down on top of us. His angry expression vanished.  

“What the hell are you guys doing?” I could tell that it was taking everything in him not to laugh at our position. He was putting on what me and Sam call his dad face, his face set in a stone cold serious expression. It always had a way of making you feel like you’re three years old and you just got caught cutting your siblings hair with the kitchen scissors. His eyes betrayed him though. There was a glimmer of light in them that said he wanted to laugh.  

“We are doing what you told us.” I squeaked, moving into an upright sitting position, smiling sheepishly at Dean. 

“I told you guys to hide in the bathroom, not create a tsunami in the tub.” Sammy let out a bark of a laugh that was silenced by Dean's crossed arms. My lips curled involuntarily inward to stop my own laughter from spilling into the room. 

Sam now stood, making me so tiny on the bathtub floor, alone surrounded by two giants. I stood to suppress that feeling. It didn’t work. I was always a foot or so shorter than the boys even while standing. The water now hit the top of my head, spraying around me. 

“What did you expect Dean? We were in here for thirty minutes while that girl screamed about the ‘night of love making’ you two shared and how you had one with her friend two days later. We got bored.” Sam reached up and moved the shower head so it was now pointed at the very front of the tub. 

“Yeah,” Dean reached around and scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry you had to hear that kid.” I gave him a real smile followed by a shrug of my shoulders. I knew Dean was a player, I could have gone without the details, but I am not scarred for life or anything.  

“Hey, what about me? I deserve an apology.” 

“You deserve nothing.” Dean pointed an accusatory finger at Sam. “I told you that was her friend the other night at the bar, ���No Dean, her friend was shorter with lighter hair’.” He mocked Sam's voice as he turned around in a small circle to face the opposite wall. Sam bumped his shoulder into mine lightly. Looking up I saw a mischievous grin displayed on his face, he was holding the shower head in his hand. He gave a short nod towards Dean, before mouthing a wordless countdown. 

“You no good dirty bastard!” I yelled when he got to one. Dean whirled around fast, confusion riddled his whole body. Sam was quick to lift the shower head up, spraying Dean straight in the face. His face the moment the water hit was priceless, he was truly in disbelief. 

“You two are asking for it.” Dean growled, lunging towards us. 

I quickly tried to jump out of the tub, unfortunately so did Sam. We crashed into each other landing on the tile floor, a heap of legs and elbows. Sam manages to catch my head in his palm before it smacks the ground. The room echoes with laughter, each of us wet, cold, and unbelievably happy. 

“Alright we need dry clothes or we will all catch pneumonia.” Sam says breaking the laughter. 

“Like that would kill a Winchester. Right kid?” Dean splashes water in my direction, I laughed nodding my head. My heart was growing as Sam threw a towel around my shoulders. 

I could stand being Y/N Y/L/N in my world as long as I got to be Y/N Winchester here.

[iflostreturntosteverogers]

What A Birthday

Characters: Sam x Reader, Dean, Kelsey (FOC)

Warnings: Angst, smut, house fire, fluff

Beta’d by: @sorenmarie87 and @fictionalabyss

Header by: @sorenmarie87​

A/N: This was for @fictionalabyss‘s birthday and her cash in for the Den of Sleaze motivational points. 

You bit your lip as you stared at your ringing cell, an old picture of you and Sam lighting up the screen. “Hello?” 

“Hey, I was just calling to check in and to say Happy Birthday.” You can hear Dean start to yell the Happy Birthday song from the background, making you smile. 

“Thanks. Tell Dean that was lovely and I miss him. Now why are you really calling me, Sam?” 

“We’re in town…”

“No.” You were quick to shut him down. You weren’t playing house with him for him to up leave again. 

“I didn’t even finish.” He argued. 

“And you don’t have to. The answer is no. You’re not coming over, we’re not gonna have sex and pretend like you won’t be gone in the morning just like every other time. No.” You hang up before he can get another word out.

      “Hey, I’m a little busy with the big group at table 11. Do you care to grab the ones that just sat in my section?” Kelsey asked as you were ringing up one of your tables. 

“Yeah, no problem,” you offered her a smile. The poor kid’s third day and they had given her a group of 15. Turning towards her section, you instantly regret the decision. “Winchester’s,” you mutter under your breath. 

Dean’s smile takes up his face when you walk up, Sam on the other hand looks nervous as hell. “Let me guess. Dean, you want a double cheeseburger and a slice of pie? Pecan and yes, I made it this morning. And Sam, you just want a house salad with blue cheese?” Sam nods, barely making eye contact with you as you write the order down. Dean grabs your wrist as you walk away, turning you to him. 

“You’re awfully grumpy for a birthday girl.” 

“Dean, let me go. I’m working.” Your eyes dart to Sam and Dean takes the hint letting you go. 

The boys eat and leave without another word to you. You make your way over to clear the table and find a note written sloppily on a napkin with a $100 bill. 

Happy birthday, princess. 

I know you’re pissed at Sam, but I’m only a call away if you need me.

 -Dean

      You bring the bottle of whiskey up to your lips. “Happy birthday to me,” you say, holding the bottle up and taking another long pull. “What am I doing? Fuck this, I’m not gonna lay here and re-break my heart of those damn puppy eyes.” You stand, tilting slightly before you correct yourself and make your way down the hall to your bathroom. 

You place the bottle on the sink and rest both hands on the edge, staring at yourself hard in the mirror. Hair disheveled and makeup under your eyes, a twelve hour shift and half a bottle of whiskey were doing you no favors. Pushing off the sink, you walk over to the porcelain tub. You turn the water on and pour in what’s probably considered too much bubble bath. While you wait for the tub to fill, you quickly wash your face and brush the tangles from your hair before piling it in a bun on top of your head. 

You slip into the hot water, turning the faucet off with your foot. The heat works to loosen your tense muscles, making you feel more human. Leaning your head back, you let out a sigh. Stupid Sam Winchester with his big puppy dog eyes and long hair. Your mind conjures up an image of Sam, naked and staring at you like a five course meal. Your hand dips under the water to your sex, parting your lips to circle around your clit. You clear your head of everything but a memory of Sam. Blame on it on the whiskey or lack of sex but you no longer cared. 

Sam loved to watch you play with yourself, loved to see the pleasure on your face. “Faster, baby.” He commanded, a wicked grin on his face. You follow his order happily, you’re so close to coming you can almost taste it. “Stop.” 

“Sammy,” you whine his name. You knew this game all too well. He walks over to you and grips your chin. 

“You don’t come, unless I tell you. You understand me?” 

“Yes, Sir.” Sam sheds his clothes, your eyes following his every move. Those hands capture your attention. Long fingers gracefully undoing the buttons of his shirt, unbuckling his belt. “See something you like?” He chuckles and you nod. He cradles your face, slipping his thumb in your mouth and silently commands you with his eyes. You close your eyes and suck. He lets out a low rumble, the sound going straight to your clit. “Good girl.” 

He removes his thumb from your mouth and settles himself between your legs. Parting your lips, he leans in his tongue targeting your clit. You cry out, a hand shooting out to tangle in his hair, the other gripping the sheets. Continuing his assault on your clit, he inserts 2 fingers, scissoring you open. 

“Sammy!” You cry out, your body arching in the bath. Water splashes to the floor as you come down from your orgasm, settling back into the bath. “Fuck.” 

Draining the tub, you stand on shaky legs and wrap a towel around yourself. You stumble to bed, collapsing on top of the mattress, all your energy spent.

      “I’m going over there. I’ve gotta talk to her.” Sam stands, pacing the motel room. 

“I don’t know, dude. She wasn’t exactly happy to see you today.”

“I know, but I just have this gut feeling. I need to do this.” Sam’s voice is desperate, higher in pitch than normal. Dean looks up from the laptop, eyes searching Sam’s face. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the keys to Baby, tossing them to Sam. 

“Go.” 

      Sam pulls off the main road and onto the gravel road that leads to your place. The choking smell of smoke filters in through the open windows. Sam’s stomach tightens and he presses the gas down as far as it will go. 

His eyes widen in shock at the sight before him. Your house is fully engulfed in flames. He throws the impala in park, rushing to get out. Sam frantically searches for you outside. “Fuck, baby! Where are you?” 

He runs around to the side of your house, jumping to see in your bedroom window. You’re lying naked on the bed, a whiskey bottle in your hand. He has no idea if you’re alive or dead and fire is creeping towards your body. He looks around for something to break your window, spotting a brick at the edge of the woods. He runs to grab it and chucks it as hard as can at your window, shattering the glass. He jumps up and hauls himself through the busted window, not caring about the shards of glass cutting into his skin. All he cares about is getting to you. 

“Baby, wake up! C’mon, don’t leave me like this.” Sam shakes you hard. Hoping and praying, he can wake you. “Baby!” You shoot up with a gasp and start coughing. Sam cradles your face in both hands. “Oh thank god. We gotta go, baby.” 

“Sam?” You squint at him, but let him pull you to the window. You’re too overwhelmed by the smoke choking your lungs and his presence to really take in what’s happening. 

“You gotta jump, okay. It’s not too far. You can do it. Go!” He shoves at you desperately to get you moving. You carefully climb through and jump out. You land on your feet and tuck yourself as you roll forward and collapse on your back trying to take in fresher air as you watch Sam jump through and land. No sooner than he hits the ground, the rest of the windows explode, sending glass flying. 

“C’mon, baby girl. Let’s get you outta here.” He stands and pulls you to your feet. Your trance breaks. You turn away from Sam and vomit. He quickly grabs your hair out of your face and rubs your back. “Are you okay?” You wobble a bit on your feet, but nod your head. Sam looks at the burning house, knowing you need to get farther away. “I’m gonna carry you, okay?” 

Sam picks you up bridal style and carries you to Baby. You’re shaking so hard, he’s worried you’re going into shock. He lays you down in the front seat and walks back to the trunk to call 911 and grab you a blanket. Covering your body, he relays your address and the situation to the person on the phone. 

“Sammy?” Your voice sounds so pitiful and it breaks his heart. What a fucking birthday. 

“I’m here, baby.”

     You walk out of the motel bathroom, still a bit stunned by the events of the night. Sam has saved your life. Again. If he hadn’t come to talk to you, you’d be dead. The thought sends a shiver up your spine. 

“Dean went to go get you some clothes but I laid out a shirt and a pair of boxers of mine you can wear.” 

“Thank you, Sammy.” You drop your towel and stand between his legs. Lacing your fingers in his hair, you pull his head back and lean down to press your lips to his. 

“Baby, you’ve been through the ringer. We don’t need to..” You cut him off with another kiss. 

“Sam, I almost died. Give me this. I want it.” He pulls you down into his lap. Hand tangling in your hair, the other pulling you closer to him. 

“You scared the hell out of me. I thought I had lost, that I was going to lose you.” He shakes his head. The fear and pain maring his beautiful features. “I love you. I was trying to save you when I pushed away, telling you we wouldn’t be anything more than people who fucked occasionally. I could see your heartbreaking and I hated it. I thought I was doing you a favor.” 

“You’re an idiot, Sam Winchester, but I love you too.” 

Tags: @sorenmarie87, @leave-me-2-rot-among-the-flowers

[lovecomedy]

Fanfic recommendations nobody asked for

Those are my favorite wincest fic ever, just because. They are all complete. I’ll add the summaries together with my own two cents.

Consider the Hairpin Turn by cherie_morte. 27K Words

AU of 6x22: Sam's wall has shattered and the memories in his mind have splintered. When the Sam who remembers Hell tells him to go find Jess and be happy, Sam knows he can't stay while Dean needs him. But when the Sam from Hell says that Dean is already there looking for him, Sam leaves his memories of the pit behind to find him.

What he finds is a life he doesn't remember: a house that he shares with his brother (and has for years), a law career he thought he'd left behind at Stanford, and a relationship with Dean he never dreamed he could have. Life is almost too good to be true, at least until Sam begins to hear his brother's voice calling to him, begging him to wake up.

This is my favorite fic of all times. It’s beautifuly written. The way that it narrates Sam’s trauma of Hell is what keeps me coming back for more . Honestly it should be published as a book. Don’t worry, it has very happy scenes and there’s a happy ending

Welcome to the Neighborhood by ImogenPortchester. 2K Words

Dean thinks the new neighbors are interesting, but all is not what it seems.

Super short. Super heartbreaking.

Fics by leonidaslion

I mean first off, just read everything written by leonidaslion

Sing Your Hymns Like Angels In Defeat. 32K Words. 

And Lucifer Fell for a second time with the burning brilliance of a star. The Flare shone in his wake, and darkness fell upon the land ...

Dean goes blind, and I love how it describes Dean’s stuggles with it. You feel like you’re blind with him. Really, really, REALLY well written. Should probably also be a book

Fumbling in the Dark: Love Advice For the Romantically Impaired. 72K

True Love really is blind...

It’s basically a character study of every single episode of the first 5 seasons, with a wincest twist. Slow burn. Holy shit, is it a slow burn. 

Just Say My Name. 3K Words

Dean turns into a complete and utter nympho. It takes Sam a while to notice the difference.

Funny, lighthearted and porny

Hush. 2K Words

Motel walls are thin...

Discovery!kink. Sam and Dean try to have quiet sex while John is in the other room. At least, Dean is trying

Sam Winchester and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. 15K Words

Sometimes, you just shouldn't get out of bed in the morning ...

Fics by fleshflutter

Dark Side of the Moon. 20K Words

Cursed!Dean is deaf and blind. Sam deals.

The incestuous courtship of the antichrist's bride. 48K Words

Sam is trying to become the Antichrist in order to save the world. He has a small army of angels and demons, he has an adoring cult, he has a work of prophecy by Jack Kerouac, and he has Dean. Things are going pretty well until he accidentally signs Dean up as his Beloved Consort, a role that requires sex with the Antichrist on an altar. And that's when things stop going pretty well. Also, the soundtrack to the Apocalypse sucks.

I don’t like crack fics, but goddamn this one is FUNNY. You can tell a lot of thought was put into this freaking masterpiece

Captured by the Game by rivkat. 54K Words

AU. Azazel has given his favorite son a task: worm his way into the confidence of a hunter. It sounds simple, but Dean Winchester just might be more than Sam can handle.

It wasn’t real by NaughtyPastryChef. 1K Words

Sam is trying to explain to Dean where he was when Dean was stuck in purgatory. It starts with "I hit a dog" and then, suddenly, inexplicably, they both know exactly where Sam was.

Wonderful explanation for that arc in season 8 nobody can stand. Plus, time travel, which I’m always a sucker for

Backseat of My Brother's 67 Chevy by NaughtyPastryChef. 1K Words

Extended scene from "Baby". Dean's feeling proud of Sam's hookup until he hears that Sam tried to give that waitress his number. Uncharacteristically, he lets Sam force him to talk about it. 

Bury My Old Soul, and Dance on its Grave by  dreamlittleyo. 2K Words

Dean knows how far he can push Sam.

Antichrist!Sam and Consort!Dean. Codependent winchesters. Yeah

Graveside Blues by hunenka. 3K Words

He uses his body like a blanket, like a shield.

I like how protective Sam is of Dean here, and it deals with something I don’t see a lot such as the jealousy he would have of Dean’s bond with Amara

own it by orphan_account. 6K Words

But he's never going to be able to burn the image of Sam cradling one hand around the perfect curve of Dean's face, dropping the other to the cut of Dean's hip (made for fingers and tongues to trail down, to taste), walking Dean backward until Dean is flush against the wall and Sam is flush against him. This is something that can't be denied.

John finds out. Explores the wonderful trope of both Sam and his father being possessive of Dean, and being very antagonistical to each other. Dysfunctional family yay. Also very porny

Fics by astolat

Punxsutawney. 9K Words

* astolat thinks any plot worth doing is worth doing TWICE

This is the Mistery Spot plot, but a little different. Sam AND Dean wake up to the same day over and over again. So they talk.

Kings and Queens and Jokers, Too. 4K Words

"Yeah, you boys nailed that trickster real good," Bobby said, dry as dust.

People are acting weird around the brothers. Can’t really say anything else without spoiling it. Listen just do yourself a favor and read it. 

options. 500 Words

Decisions, decisions. 

Short and funny. Little bit porny

Desired. 2K Words

He hadn't even known about any of this himself until Sam found it, figured it out for him. He hadn't known how it was going to be.

So, smut. They have a better time when Dean is the one who asks for it

Rockabye Sammy... by  AnotherWorld3111. 1K Words

Sam can’t sleep, so Dean tries to help.

Sam keeps hallucinating Lucifer. Dean is worried and protective of him. Porny

We Know Each Other As We Always Were by mickeym. 45K Words

In 1941, while the world is at war, Sam Winchester falls in love with his brother. They're young, they're in love, and in spite of the hardships of life around them, the world is a pretty good one for them. Until Dec. 7th, 1941, when Japan launches an air attack on Pearl Harbor, sending the US to war against Japan. Dean Winchester feels he needs to join the Army; needs to help fight the good fight and help save lives. He promises he'll return, but can he keep that promise?

GAH this is so romantic! It’s an AU, but I feel like they’re very in character. It feels like a novel

For The End of My Broken Heart by Wickedtruth. 59K Words

Dad's disappeared and Sam's left to pick up the pieces of his broken brother. Post Devil's Trap AU.

Very codependent Winchesters. Also John finds out. 

here at the end of all things by  remy (iamremy). 40K Words

AU from Season 12 onwards. The British Men of Letters win in the USA, and slowly manage to establish their bases and authority over the whole country. They also capture Sam Winchester and keep him prisoner for eleven months, experimenting on him regularly before wiping his memories so that he has no idea what has been done to him.

Even after Dean rescues him and they begin planning to get revenge once and for all, the niggling doubt at the back of Sam's head remains -- what did they do to him? Why won't his anxiety get better? And what is it that he's missing?

Ok you got me, this is gen. But the whole fic feels like a (good) Supernatural episode, it’s so realistic and canon-like. The relationship between the brothers is just like the one we see on the show, meaning desperately codependent and wincest in every subtext.

Fics by deadlybride / zmediaoutlet

What I like about @zmediaoutlet is that she takes the time to write everyone in character. It’s always as canonical as possible and it feels real

femme. 4K Words

Rummaging around the internet, Dean finds a kink he hadn't seen before; Sam explains, and demonstrates.

I love feminization, but unfourtunately there’s only one fic that does it right, and it’s this one

gratification. 2K Words

It's not a compulsion. Dean just likes it.

breña. 1K Words

Sam and Dean wait, knowing what's coming.

The night before Sam jumps in the box

not the good things, nor the bad. 20K

Dean wavers in a grey area between being taken and giving in.

Part of it started with the kinks series, but you can read this just fine without the other parts. It deals very beautifully with Dean’s thoughts regarding his bond with Amara and his sexuality

DeMille Has Nothing On Us by  HandsAcrossTheSea. 13K Words

"Hey Dean - wanna film it?"

This is part of the Those Hazy Days I Do Remember series, but you can 100% read it as a stand-alone, no problem. Sam and Dean film each other and this has that season 1 vibe, of just two brothers on the road. It’s slightly OOC, just because of how touchy-feely they are. But that’s something I sometimes wish we could have on the show, anyway

How many floors to realize by Lazy Daze. 26K Words

AU from the end of It’s A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren’t somewhat entertaining, right?”

Rabid by i-am-therefore-i-fight 

Beautiful!! I love @i-am-therefore-i-fight‘s take on demon!dean. It’s different to what we’re used to. This fic is very angsty but has a happy ending

Bitten by a True Believer by kermiethefrog. 3K Words

“C’mon, Sammy,” Dean says. Flashes him a wicked grin, charcoal-eyes. The way he spreads out on Sam’s mattress, bare and offering himself up like Holy fucking Communion, drums heat under Sam’s skin, and he’s never sure if it’s arousal or anger when he’s faced with the demon. “Show me a good time, big guy.”

Another demon!dean fic. I like how even as he is a demon, he is still desperate for Sam’s attention

The Time Traveler's Brother by  AmyPond45. 54K Words

Dean's life is turned upside down the night his mother dies. But that's also the night a mysterious grown-up version of Dean's brother first appears in his life. While Dean grows up, "Old Sam" is often there, especially when Dean's father isn't. As Dean learns what the future holds, he begins to question everything his father has taught him about who he is and what he is supposed to become. Can Dean find a way to save his little brother from his own future?

This is based on The Time Traveler’s Wife, which is my favorite book. Don’t worry, you don’t have to have read it to understand this fic

need against need against need by dollylux. 5K Words

Jack spends his first night in the bunker with Sam and Dean. (Jack POV)

Don’t worry, Jack just watches and ponders about the Winchester’ realationship

the centre cannot hold by orphan_account. 6K Words

Sam does not remember; Dean does. All Dean can do is watch, and mourn.

But then Castiel becomes God, and the world starts to break at the edges (and maybe that isn't a bad thing.)

It kinda becomes a character study, while the brothers deal with what happened during the Soulless!Sam period

The Last Temptation by bccalling. 1K Words

When Sam tells Mary about all the things he and Dean get up to in the dark, Mary wants in, and Sam sees his opportunity to make Dean’s every fantasy come true.

Mary shows up. Porny and very sweet

Angels and Demons by  OhWilloTheWisp. 9K Words

AU angels and demons are animals. Sam was not happy when his owner, Ruby, left him boarded at a kennel. He was even less happy when he discovered an angel in the same facility. But his encounter with the angel will end much differently than anyone would have guessed. He may have never expected his mate to be angel, but now that's found him he won't let anyone keep them apart.

Sam and Dean are kinda like animals here but there’s nothing sexual. It’s very sweet and romantic. Anna/Ruby in here as well

[breannacasey]

Fic Masterpost

Since I just made it to 100 posted works on my ao3 since I created it in January 2014, I thought I’d make a masterpost on here of all of them to celebrate. Also, shameless self promo. I’ll also include some of my upcoming things, because they would make it 100 without counting the translations.

I’ll put them by fandom and in the order I started writing for each fandom. And I’ll put a  ⭐ next to my personal favourites. And 🌟 for my faves of faves.

Fandoms I’ve written for in alphabetical order: 911, 911 Lone Star, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Criminal Minds, Hannibal, Harry Potter, House md, Leverage, Limitless, Lucifer, New Amsterdam, Prodigal Son, Sherlock, Supergirl, Supernatural, White Collar

Total per rating: General (21), Teen and Up (72), Mature (7)

Total per warning: No Archive Warning Applies (85), Chose Not To Use Warnings (1), Major Character Death (10), Graphic Depictions of Violence (3), Rape/Non-Con (1)

Supernatural (10 works)

Let Me Go (series, 2 works, 1 354 words, Teen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Dean Winchester struggles with suicidal thoughts.

A Crowley Valentine (one shot, 1 899 words, Gen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: It’s Valentine’s Day and Crowley is tired of Dean and Cas not admitting that they’re in love with each other so he decides to take action.

Never Stop Fighting (multi chapter, 9 chapters, 21 274 words, Teen, Graphic Depictions of Violence) Castiel/Dean Winchester, Lucifer/Original Female Character: The brothers go investigate a weird occurrence but they end up rescuing someone who might be able to help them fight Metatron and put heaven back in business. But could she have an agenda of her own?

Demon Love (one shot, 1 117 words, Teen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Dean uses his demon powers not exactly in the deadly way Crowley had hoped.

There’ll Be Peace When You Are Done (one shot, 1 076 words, Gen, Major Character Death) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Dean dies and goes to heaven

A Different Kind Of Family (one shot, 1 455 words, Teen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Sam and Dean go on a hunt for what turns out to be zombies.

A Good Combo (multi chapter, 5 chapters, 11 680 words, Teen, Pizza Place AU) Castiel/Dean Winchester and more: Castiel meets Dean at a weird time in his life. He just got out of a relationship and, with the death of one of his siblings, he isn’t sure if he is ready to jump into another one just yet.

Please Stay With Me (one shot, 906 words, Gen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Set some time after 11X04 “Baby”, Castiel is still staying in the bunker, resting and getting better, but the brothers are barely ever there and Dean won’t even stay in the same room with him.

+ one crossover

Criminal Minds (3 works)

Prentiss’ Secret (one shot, 1 209 words, Teen) Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss: Prentiss left the BAU to work in London. Now she’s coming back to help them, but she has a secret.

Outside The Comfort Of Innocence (one shot, 1 354 words, Teen) Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss : As a kid, Emily Prentiss and her family move in next door to the Hotchners. Hotch and Prentiss grow up best friends, but a dark secret brings the real world into their childhood. ⭐

Everybody Loves Halloween (one shot, 991 words, Gen) Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau/Will LaMontagne: Emily comes for Halloween and the Hotchners go trick-or-treating with the LaMontagnes.

Sherlock (8 works)

Filling The Holes (series, 6 works, 8 960 words, Gen, Teen and Mature, Major Character Death) Sherlock Holmes/Jim Moriarty: This is a series that goes on in the spaces between what we see on the show. It takes place after Reichenbach Fall. ⭐

John Watson’s Missing Wednesday (one shot, 854 words, Teen) Sherlock Holmes/Jim Moriarty: At the wedding, Sherlock mentioned a time when John missed an entire wednesday without even noticing, what happened that day?

The Dead Are Busy Too (one shot, 618 words, Gen) Sherlock Holmes/Jim Moriarty: Nearly two years after the events of Reichenbach Fall, Moriarty’s network is close to being a thing of the past.

Harry Potter (20 works)

1998, or the year everything changed (series, 18 works, 77 224 words, Gen, Teen and Mature, Major Character Death) Various ships: A series taking place the months following the Battle of Hogwarts. Each story focuses on a different character, but they all interlock with one another. (aka I didn’t like the epilogue so I made my own.) ⭐

Light in the Darkest of Times (one shot, 742 words, Teen) Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley: Feeling his constant support of Harry Potter in his magazine might cause the Death Eaters to try something, Xenophilius has Luna stay in Hogwarts for the holidays, thinking she’d be safe there. But things aren’t the same in the castle since Dumbledore’s death.

The Potion Master’s Daughter (multi chapter, 14 chapters, 67 001 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Luna Lovegood/Original Female Character and more: Severus Snape had a daughter several years ago. A year behind the famous Harry Potter, she’ll navigate her years at Hogwarts, punctuated with all kinds of events, like the opening of the Chamber of Secrets, the Triwizard Tournament and Voldemort’s return. 🌟

Hannibal (1 work)

Love and Dogs (one shot, 137 words, Gen) Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter: Hannibal wakes up at Will’s place

Limitless (10 works)

Screw, Marry, No Kill (one shot, 1 317 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike, Brian Finch/Mike: Brian thought having a one night stand with a coworker wasn’t a big deal, but not everyone had the same opinion.

Distracting Thoughts (one shot, 1 508, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: Brian takes too much NZT and suddenly gains the ability to hear thoughts.

Keep You Safe (one shot, 832 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: Set during 1x22 Finale: Part Two!! With Brian under side effects from the NZT, Ike worries for the man’s life.

Undercover! Again! (one shot, 2 601 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: Brian and Ike are sent on an undercover mission, but things don’t exactly go as planned.

Rebecca Harris’s One Sick (Valentine’s) Day (one shot, 1 137 words, Gen) Rebecca Harris/Lucy Church: Rebecca was about to head off to work, but when a surprise visitor shows up at her door, she has another idea.

The Influence A Person Can Have (multi chapter, 3 chapters, 10 340 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Eli Whitford, Brian Finch/Ike: Sometimes, you meet one person and it changes your whole life. Everything else after that would’ve been different. For Brian, it all comes back to that moment he met Eli. It seems some people are simply meant to enter your life at the right moment, to stir you in the right direction. From figuring out who he is to falling in love for the first time to getting his life together and even meeting the love of his life, Brian’s life wouldn’t have been the same. 🌟

A Little Bit of Ice and Rube Goldberg (one shot, 1 875 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: When freezing rain takes over the city, everyone goes home while it’s still safe outside. Brian insists on finishing what he’s working on, forcing both he and Ike to stay alone in the office to weather the storm.

Fulfilled, Not Finished (one shot, 4 861 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Brian Finch/Ike: When the squad finds a potential witness for their case, Ike volunteers himself and Brian to go check it out. But things take a dark turn. ⭐

Curve Ball Field (one shot, 7 196 words, Teen) Brian Finch: When Brian gets kidnapped for ransom, the CJC isn’t clear on how to handle the situation, or how to reassure his family. 🌟

+ one crossover

House (2 works)

Lean On Me (one shot, 1 414 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Gregory House/James Wilson: A short evolution of House and Wilson’s relationship, from their first meeting to their last. ⭐

Don’t You Know I Care? (one shot, 1 364 words, Teen) Gregoy House/James Wilson: House ended up in a hospital bed, again, but this time the familiar face of Wilson is missing from his bedside.

Supergirl (4 works)

My Hero (one shot, 650 words, Gen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: When Lena gets pushed off her balcony, Supergirl is there to rescue her once again.

When It Starts (one shot, 1 908 words, Gen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: Lena loves being Kara’s friend, but she wouldn’t say no to being more than that.

Hero in Need of Saving (one shot, 2 180 words, Teen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: When a gunman shows up at Catco, Kara gets hurt and ends up stuck in the elevator with Lena and some kryptonite. ⭐

If I Could Find The Way Up (multi chapters, 3 chapters, 4 959 words, Teen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: Lena Luthor is depressed and she doesn’t understand what she calls an obsession for Kara Danvers. Kara who keeps cutting their time together short, maybe on purpose. Lena is struggling to deal with all that pain she feels inside and trying to figure out what she feels around Kara might mean.

Lucifer (1 work)

Grow On Me (one shot, 4 051 words, Mature, College AU) Lucifer Morningstar, Marcus Pierce: Lucifer and Marcus are college roommates. When Lucifer learns Marcus doesn’t have plans for the holidays, he convinces him to come to a cabin with him and pretend to be his boyfriend to get his siblings off his back. ⭐

Prodigal Son (7 works)

Bright Ideas (one shot, 3 560 words, Teen, Graphic Depictions of Violence) Malcolm Bright/JT Tarmel: Because Malcolm is Malcolm, he goes after a suspect on his own and gets taken. And then JT helps.

Unleashed (multi chapter, 8 chapters, 53 452 words, Mature, Graphic Depictions of Violence) Gil Arroyo & Malcolm Bright, Malcolm Bright & Martin Whitly, Gil Arroyo & Martin Whitly, Gil Arroyo/Jessica Whitly: Martin Whitly has escaped. He is finally free to get back at those who have hurt him. Everyone is anxious for him to be found and locked up again. And worried about what he might be planning to do. 🌟

On An Island (one shot, 1 704 words, Teen) Malcolm Bright: While on vacation, Malcolm finds he misses home and reflects on the past.

Shivers and Soup (one shot, 1 340 words, Gen) Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright & Ainsley Whitly, Dani Powell/Ainsley Whitly: Malcolm has a cold and is sent home

Hold You Close (one shot, 2 077 words, Teen) Dani Powell/Ainsley Whitly: Ainsley gets injured while covering the team’s latest case and Dani decides to check on her.

Only One Safe (one shot, 2 609 words, Teen) Dani Powell/Ainsley Whitly, Malcolm Bright & Ainsley Whitly:  When blackouts spread across the city, Malcolm’s friends lock him up to make sure he won’t get himself into trouble. He worries about everyone else.

+ one crossover

911 Lone Star (12 works)

Stranded in Smoke (one shot, 2 339 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand: During a fire, the floor collapses under TK’s feet, his radio stops working and he finds himself completely separated from the rest of the crew.

There For You (one shot, 1 235 words, Gen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: When Carlos doesn’t show up to work and cancels their plans, TK wants to make sure he’s okay.

Not Your Choice (one shot, 3 236 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: A man holds up TK’s therapist office and Carlos is the officer sent in to deal with it.

My Only Sunshine (one shot, 2 553 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: Carlos gets hurt while pursuing a suspect and, despite Michelle’s advice, he insists he’s fine and doesn’t need to go to the hospital. He is wrong.⭐

Late Night Bruises (one shot, 2 385 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: TK gets himself into trouble, but Carlos is there to help.

Classic Happiness (one shot, 1 021 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: TK invites Carlos over to the house for their first actual date.

Don’t Leave Me (one shot, 2 384 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Owen Strand & TK Strand, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: TK had been the one unconscious, on the edge of death before, and he knew it had to hurt for those around him, but he never fully understood what it felt like until he was the one standing over someone he cared deeply about, begging for them to wake up.

A Long Day (one shot, 4 245 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Marjan Marwani & Paul Strickland, Marjan Marwani & TK Strand: Some days, nothing truly bad happens, but without anything good either, small things pile up and drag you down.

Pain Leaves Traces (multi chapter, 3 chapters, 5 958 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand: TK is getting closer to Carlos, but there is still a part of himself he’d rather he didn’t know about.

Stay Behind, Make A Friend (one shot, 524 words, Gen) Carlos Reyes & Paul Strickland: Paul is alone at the firehouse when Carlos shows up, so they hang out.

Another Heart Robbery (one shot, 4 886 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: When the building he’s robbing catches fire, Carlos thinks he’s the most unlucky man on Earth. Then comes a very handsome firefighter.  🌟

Off Balance (multi chapter, in progress, 8/10 chapters, 10 399 words and counting, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Carlos Reyes & Michelle Blake: What Carlos thinks is a simple cut, turns out to be much worse. 🌟

Leverage (4 works)

The Past Job (one shot, 1 565 words, Mature, Rape/Non-Con) Damien Moreau/Eliot Spencer: Damien Moreau learns Eliot wants to leave his organisation. He decides to deal with it himself, and why not enjoy it while he’s at it. ⭐

The Protection Job (one shot, 1 785 words, Teen) Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer: Eliot falls off a roof during a job, leaving Parker and Hardison unprotected. ⭐

+ two crossovers

911 (15 works)

In My Heart (one shot, 2 410 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: While on a call, Buck gets exposed to a toxic substance and it makes Eddie put things into perspective.

Worry, Worry, Worry (one shot, 3 238 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: No matter how many times Buck gets told that he will be safe, when Eddie accepts to be serial killer bait, Buck worries about him. ⭐

Who’s First? (one shot, 1 322 words, Gen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Howie Han & Hen Wilson: Hen and Chimney bet on who, between Buck and Eddie, will be the one to make the first move.

A Gay Old Time at the Mini Golf (one shot, 2 004 words, Teen) Hen Wilson/Karen Wilson, Evan Buckley & Hen Wilson & Karen Wilson & Michael Grant: When Buck gets woken up by the sounds of people in his apartment, he doesn’t expect the day to turn out so fun.

When Things Are Bad, Better To Laugh It Off (one shot, 1 525 words, Teen) Howie Han & Tommy Kinard, Howie Han & Hen Wilson: The story of how Howie Han became Chimney.

His First Choice (one shot, 1 209 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Buck feels lonely, like everyone around him has a family, someone who cares about them more than anything, but he doesn’t. Turns out he is wrong. ⭐ 

Always Come By (one shot, 1 196 words, Gen) Evan Buckley & Bobby Nash: Bobby’s afternoon alone is cut short when a sad Buck shows up at his doorstep. ⭐ 

Beautifully Cold (one shot, 1 463 words, Gen) Bobby Nash & Grant Family, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash: The Grant-Nash family goes on a trip to Minnesota in the middle of winter.

Give Her The Comfort She Needs (multi chapter, 2 chapters, 2 912 words, Teen) Evan Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Eddie, Buck and Christopher are having a morning like many others when Maddie shows up to take her brother to a funeral he doesn’t seem keen on attending.

Let Me Take Care Of You (one shot, 596 words, Gen) Maddie Buckley/Howie Han: Maddie is sick and Chimney takes care of her.

Loving Exasperation (one shot, 571 words, Gen) Evan Buckley & Maddie Buckley: Maddie comes home for Thanksgiving during her first semester of college. ⭐

At Least We Have Each Other (one shot, 666 words, Teen, Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings) Howie Han & Karen Wilson: Something happened to Hen during a call and Chimney is the one to deliver the news to Karen.

Wait Happy (one shot, 650 words, Gen) Maddie Buckley/Howie Han: After they learn about it themselves, Chimney and Maddie have to wait to tell the others about the pregnancy.

Gratefully Together (one shot, 632 words, Gen) May Grant & Michael Grant: Michael helps May move into her dorm room.

Barbie Boy (one shot, 618 words, Mature) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Buck’s karaoke performance has quite the effect on Eddie

Crossovers

Supernatural and Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Nobody Picked The Family Business (multi chapter, 6 chapters, 14 796 words, Teen) Dawn Summers/Sam Winchester, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Spike/Buffy Summers, Castiel/Dean Winchester: When Sam doesn’t get a scholarship to Stanford, John lets him go to UC Sunnydale, hoping all the stuff going on there will convince him to keep hunting.⭐

White Collar, Leverage and Limitless:

The Grey Area Job (multi chapter, 4 chapters, 15 992 words, Teen) Neal Caffrey/Eliot Spencer, Sophie Devereaux/Nate Ford, Alec Hardison/Parker, Brian Finch/Ike: When he and Peter encounter a particularly complicated case, Neal calls his friend, Sophie Devereaux, for help.

White Collar and Leverage:

The Informant Job (one shot, 2 675 words, Teen) Neal Caffrey/Eliot Spencer: While searching a warehouse, Eliot finds himself in a situation he wasn’t expecting.

Prodigal Son and New Amsterdam:

Stay Right Here (one shot, 5 129 words, Teen) Malcolm Bright, Iggy Frome: After being kidnapped, Malcolm ends up at New Amsterdam to get treated for his injuries.⭐

Traductions

Du Poison (vf de Poison, Supernatural)

Je Tiens à Toi (vf de Don’t You Know I Care?, House)

Quelqu’un Sur Qui Compter (vf de Lean On Me, House)

Une Vie que Personne ne Choisit (vf de Nobody Picked The Family Business, Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Soon

Henren Week: Everything I Need (one shot, 534 words, Gen) Hen Wilson/Karen Wilson: Hen and Karen enjoy a quiet day off together. ⭐ 

Buddie Week: Good Things Don’t Come Easy (one shot, 1 272 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Eddie couldn’t fall for someone like Evan Buckley, but the heart hardly ever listens to logic. ⭐

Buddie Week: How To Handle Friendship With Smart Idiots (one shot, 836 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Carla is tired of watching Buck and Eddie being oblivious about their feelings for each other, so she decides to get involved.

Tarlos Week: The Best Farmer’s Market Find (one shot, 810 words, Gen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Carlos Reyes & Owen Strand: TK wakes up to the sounds of his dad making breakfast, not alone. ⭐

Owen Strand Week: Snow Day in Austin (one shot, 1 060 words, Gen) Owen Strand & TK Strand: Owen has been feeling down and missing the New York winter, but he has an amazing son.

Evan Buckley Week: Under The Stars (one shot, 532 words, Gen) Evan Buckley & Christopher Diaz: Buck and Christopher go camping. 

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Inherit the Earth (15x19)

That was somehow simultaneously a crowded mess, and a complete anticlimax. I'm literally just like... super confused and afraid about what the finale is going to be now.

Cons:

Sam's the dog person. That's part of canon. I liked the moment when Dean found the dog, or whatever, but I wish Sam had gotten a moment with the puppy too, before Chuck took it away. A small thing, but one of those typical wrong details in Buckleming episodes, where it just honestly doesn't seem like they know the characters very well.

Lucifer and Michael have a fight in the Bunker and Michael takes Lucifer out really, really easily. So like. Remember when the first five seasons of the show were the buildup to the Apocalypse, and Sam sacrificed himself for an eternity in Lucifer's Cage to stop it from happening? Apparently a fight between the two archangels is just a bit of fisticuffs, nothing to get worked up about. That annoyed me. But I guess consistency has never been something this show has cared much about...

Also just... Lucifer in general, coming back for like five minutes so he can mug at the camera and then be unceremoniously killed? Here's the thing: we had Billie as Death, and she hated them but maybe it would have been interesting to see her and the boys team up to figure out Chuck's ending... but instead, she's gone, Lucifer gets a pointless return, provides us with another Death, who is there for two seconds, says a couple of vaguely funny lines, and then dies... and we still never find out what's in the book.

The fight with Chuck was so badly edited! It was so weird to see him just wail on Sam and Dean, and repeated shots of him hitting them, and them getting up, while he kept saying "okay fellas, enough, please stay down" over and over again. Given that the whole "erasing the people from the world" thing was so much like Infinity War, I kept comparing this fight with God to the climax of Endgame. In that instance, you have a small group of intrepid fighters going up against a big bad evil, and then just at the moment when they're run down and helpless, the whole crowd of friends returns and joins in the fight. Instead of that, it's just Jack showing up and absorbing God's powers, and then they leave him begging on the beach. Not a bad ending for Chuck, which I'll get to in a moment, but the epic-ness was seriously missing from this final showdown.

So, when Jack returned the world to its normal state, did he bring back all of their friends, too? I want to believe this was something that Covid took away from them, where instead of seeing shots of Charlie and her girlfriend, of Donna, Jody, the girls, Bobby, Eileen, they were forced to use stock footage of just random people around the world returning. Would have been cooler to see the epic return... and also super weird that Sam and Dean sit quietly in the bunker talking about free will, and we don't see Sam pull out his phone and call his girlfriend, like... I get not wanting to muddy the ending of the episode with a lot of fallout stuff, and I'm sure we'll get that next week? Like, I hope, anyway? But as it stood for this hour of television, it was super weird to me that the boys didn't immediately want to check on all of their friends to make sure everyone had returned from the dead.

Jack becoming the new God is actually a totally appropriate ending, people were speculating that he'd be the new God or Death or Empty, or some cosmic entity, anyway... and this honestly felt very fitting... BUT, I will say that there are two really, really stupid things about it. One, his "I'm everything and everywhere now" speech was super cheesy... "I'm in the air and the rocks and every drop of rain" or whatever. Such a cliche, I was almost painfully embarrassed listening to him. I honestly would have preferred less is more, here. Like, what if he'd said the stuff about how humans can be their best when they need to be, that was a good line... and then Sam says "what if we want to see you? Grab a beer?" And Jack just says "I'm around" and then vanishes, leaving it vague? I think the idea of a hands-off deity is perfect, of course... makes sense for the "free will wins the day" ending we've got going here, but I didn't think stating it outright was the best move.

The second reason Jack becoming God was rendered kind of comedically awful in the way it happened is... well, elephant in the room, let's talk about how Cas was handled in this episode.

Here's a quote from last week's review:

"I'm worried that Cas dying is gonna get swallowed up with everyone dying and not get its due, thus making the confession completely isolated. Like, here you go, gays, have this one scene, which, in isolation is quite heartfelt from Cas' perspective, but can be carefully boxed up and not touched for the last two hours of the show. If they don't want to touch on how this would affect Dean specifically, they don't have to. He can be generally angsty and sad about Cas, but they could get away with never bringing it up again, and that is some grade-A level bullshit right there, my friends."

And... yeah. Look, I know there are people on Tumblr right now saying that this episode being the "brothers only" ending means that next week we'll get Cas back and Dean will confess his love or whatever... but y'all, it's not going to happen. I'm sorry. I'd love to be wrong. If I'm wrong, I will gladly eat crow and celebrate along with the rest of you, but I just... I've been burned before. I know what's going on here, and it's not what you think it is.

Dean was undeniably devastated in this episode. We see him drinking to excess, falling asleep on the floor, grasping onto tiny moments of joy like with the dog and then being furious and upset when they fall through. But that devastation was not textually about Cas specifically. Sure, there were moments, like him telling God to bring everything back, and then namedropping Cas specifically. Or the way he ran up the stairs when Cas' voice was on the phone. But what I'm saying is? Those are crumbs, there for those of us who care to gobble up, easily ignored and subsumed by the larger losses the boys are suffering. Sam is devastated too, guys. About his girlfriend, about Charlie, about Donna, and Jody, etc. etc. etc. Who's to say their grief is any different from one another, even though they're handling it with different coping mechanisms? The "I love you" wasn't even on the "previously on".

Like. There's a universe where Dean does get a moment of Cas-related catharsis in the finale, even though Misha's not coming back. Maybe he has a private moment to grieve just for him, to contemplate that specific loss. But I'm telling you: I don't care if an openly gay man wrote 15x18, I don't care that Misha found it moving. The bottom line is, Cas confessing his love for Dean was the moment of catharsis the show was willing to offer us. We ain't getting much else.

So going back to Jack, why on earth does nobody suggest that maybe when he's popping the rest of the world back to the way it's supposed to be, he also brings Cas back? This is what I'm talking about with contrived sacrifices. Last week, they could have written a way for Dean to get out of that scrape without Cas dying. And this week, Jack's determination to be a "hands-off" God is not enough to explain why he wouldn't restore his father Castiel from the Empty. Especially since Chuck brought Lucifer back from the Empty, proving that God can do that. Even though that contradicts earlier lore but whatever. The point is, I'm saying it's sloppy. Cas' death, Cas staying dead, does not feel like an earned inevitability to me. I'm prepared to eat my words if they bring him back in the finale, but even if that happens (which it won't), he's not going to be smooching Dean Winchester on the mouth, y'all. He's just not.

So then that ending. "Finally free," says Dean, completely unaware that he's echoing the theme from the end of season five but making it hopeful now for some reason? And that end montage felt like an ending 100%, and I won't say it was bad to see it, see all the memories, the characters... I mean, Charlie dancing in the elevator, getting glimpses of Ellen and Jo, Bobby, Crowley... I'm not going to complain about that, it was honestly quite fun, but it also felt extremely anticlimactic and gave us no sense of where the characters are going to go from here. And yes, I know we have an episode next week, it's just...

Here's the thing I'm scared of, and I'm going to go ahead and put it here in the "cons" section because I don't know where it belongs yet. Despite my complaints about this episode, thematically there was one thing it got right: the answer to defeating Chuck wasn't destined, it wasn't in a book of preordained endings. They had to come up with it by themselves, using the tools at their disposal, and they won, and they get free will now, they get the release from having someone else tell their story. Great. So... what does that leave us next week?

As mentioned above, I really don't think the final 43 minutes is going to be an epic gay love story where Dean fights to get Cas back, I really don't. That leaves us two options: either a tepid re-tread of the themes already established, an epilogue of sorts where we just get to see a life in the day, a new normal for the boys. I wouldn't be furious about this, but I also think it won't really feel like closure for me. They just keep hunting? They keep saving people? That's fine, I guess, but they can't really walk back the fact that God is their son, can they? When they die the next time, do they go to the Empty? Who is Death, now? Are Heaven and Hell okay? Are we meant to be convinced that nothing will ever come back to bite them in the ass, they'll live long lives, and a benevolent afterlife is waiting for them when it's over? I'm not convinced I believe in things being that simple, so it sort of seems like the show would end by saying "okay, and more of the same."

The second possibility is worse, though, that being a total status-quo shift, like the end comes and the Empty is after them and they have to become the new Death and Empty as some speculated, or some wild harebrained plot twist gets thrown in at the last second and undoes the actual good parts of the theme established here. I hope for the first, but I don't know that it'll make me happy, to be quite honest. I really don't want it to feel this way, but Cas being gone is the big elephant in the room, for me. It truly is.

Pros:

I did like the earlier parts of the episode, the eeriness and the helplessness of them being alone. Continuing with the Avengers comparisons, it was very similar to the long, slow opening to Endgame, where we see a lot of grief, a lot of helplessness, an lot of directionless moping. That felt appropriate and it made it all the more invigorating when Michael showed up, giving us a spark of direction in which to move.

While I thought the fight with Chuck was edited really strangely and didn't work for me, I did like this ending for Chuck. Very much like the end of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Chuck doesn't die, which he honestly would have found a satisfying, creative ending for his story. Instead, he gets to live on as a normal human, sans powers, and be forgotten. Brutal and appropriate! It ties back into the free will thing. Chuck can do whatever he wants with his remaining time, but he can't steal other people's choices from them any longer. It's the black and the white, the good and the bad, of being just... human. Which ties in with Sam and Dean being more or less hopeful about their outlook moving forward. (God, I'm so fucking scared they're going to screw up the few things I liked about this episode in next week's finales.)

Like I said, I did find Jack becoming God an appropriate ending for him as a character. It's the right type of bittersweet: he's there, and we can imagine that in the future, he does go visit Sam and Dean for a beer. Or maybe he doesn't, and that's okay too. Knowing he's at peace, knowing he's benevolent, and that he'll do the best he can for the people of the world(s). It's nice, a comforting deity instead of a manipulative overlord. And the fact that his benevolence and kindness and compassion are born out of a human mother, and two human fathers, and an angel who embraced humanity with everything in himself... instead of from Lucifer, who tried to create him in his image? Well, that's a lovely resolution for a character that became a surprising favorite over the years.

As I think I mentioned last week, I'm willing to let this show manipulate my emotions here at the end, when it can manage to do so. So yeah, of course I loved that Cas and Jack's names are added to the table along with SW, DW, and MW. Obviously that's adorable as hell. And as I said, the montage worked for me, it was certainly quite lovely. I just... like I said at the start of this, I'm just frankly terrified of what's coming next week.

I mean, here's the thing, I want an ending that honors Sam and Dean as the protagonists of this show, but I want it where they live in the bunker, and Eileen and returned-from-the-dead-Castiel live with them as their partners. If someone told me I couldn't change a thing about what's happened so far, but I could decide how the last episode went, that's how I'd end it. Showing a network of hunters getting support and able to live more stable, reasonable lives while still doing a dangerous job. Sam embracing his intellectual prowess and running things from the bunker, Dean and Cas going out on the road, Sam and Eileen going out on the road, or any combination therein. Jack watching over them benevolently from above. Jody and Donna and the girls living their best lives. Kaia and Claire as a couple, onscreen. A glimpse of a more stable afterlife, now that Jack is there to run things, the confirmation of a peaceful ending whenever our human protagonists do finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Peace, but change, too.

I just don't believe that's what we're getting. I can't believe it, and that makes me really frightened for what comes next week. I'm prepared to be pissed off. Quite frankly, I'm expecting it.

6/10

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Dean Winchester Masterlist

🖤 = 100+ Notes

❤️️  = 200+ Notes

😕 = Sorta Angsty / Hurt + Comfort

😭 = Definitely Angsty / Hurt + Comfort

🍬 = Sorta Fluff

⛅ = Definitely Fluff

😋 = Silly

Blurbs & Imagines:

BLURBS (1000 WORDS OR LESS):

Miss “In Charge” || WC: 701 || 😕

- The reader gives John Winchester a piece of her mind but simply gets complimented for it.

The Doctor Is In || WC: 786 || 🖤 🍬 😋

- Your hospital keeps getting victims with strange wounds. You call Dean and Sam because you think it may be something in their field.

Gym || WC: 646 || ❤️️ 😋

- Dean joins Sam and the reader at the gym.

Promise || WC: 473 || 🍬

- Demon!Dean is cured but what will happen to his queen?

Pine Trees and Boomer || WC: 440 || 🖤 😋

- Something is wrong with Baby and she won’t start. They have an urgent case they need to get to so the Winchester brothers agree to take the reader’s car.

Sister, Sister || WC: 864 || 😋

- Dean finds that the girl he has grown to love is stronger and more powerful than he thought. Who could she be?

Heavy is the Weight || WC: 728 || 😕

- Reader comforts Dean as the weight begins to take its toll on him.

Keep Baby Happy || WC: 499 || ⛅

- Dean and Reader surprise everyone at Harvelle’s with something they learned during their free time at the bunker.

I Forgot My Own Birthday || WC: 747 || 🍬

- Reader forgot about their birthday but Dean and Sam managed to remember and surprise them with cake and gifts.

IMAGINES (1000+ WORDS):

Stay ||  WC: 1,352 || 🖤 😕

- The reader stops at a bar on her way home from a case, but runs into Sam and Dean Winchester. She and Dean have history. 

Cherry Pie || WC: 1,222 || 🖤 🍬

- The reader has had a crush on Dean Winchester since she was 12. She’s stopped in to stay with Ellen and Jo for a bit and finds out the Winchester boys are stopping in on the same day. Jo insists that she try hard to impress Dean but the reader doesn’t want to be that obvious. Jo takes matters into her own hands and plays the reader’s wing-woman for the evening.  

Not The Same || WC: 1,507 || 😭

- The reader watches the love of her life, Dean, die to the hellhound. Upon Dean’s return, he finds his girl is not the same anymore. She’s a little more broken and a little more tarnished.

Her || WC: 1,436 || 😕

- Demon!Dean is protective over Reader and reassures her that she’s just want he wants.

Relentless || WC: 1,218 ||  ⛅

- Once Dean finally convinces Reader to go out with him, they have a few dates. However, their relationship is soon put on pause because of John. All is well in the end though.

Baby? || WC: 1,243 || 🖤 😋

- A witch has turned Baby into a human. This human happens to have a thing for the Reader who is dating Dean and maybe even a little thing for Dean.

Witch’s Wrath || WC: 1,260 || 😋

- Sam and Dean get turned into dogs during a case so Platonic!Reader mind melds with them so they can finish the case.

Guilt || WC: 1,213 || 😭

- Sam, Dean, and Reader are kidnapped by the son of an old hunting colleague.

Worth || WC: 2,166 || 🖤 😭

- Reader jumps in front of a bullet for Sammy because she doubts her worth. This throws Dean into a whirlwind of emotions and he eventually realizes that he should tell her how he feels about her. 

Buried Alive || WC: 2,372 || 😭

- Reader wakes up buried in a coffin, Dean, Sam, Cas, and Jack make it to her just in time.

Party Gone Wrong || WC: 1,193 || 😕 😋

- While at a party on the hunt for a ghoul, Reader gets trapped under a chunk of ceiling after a couple of explosions.

Take Me Instead || WC: 3,754 || 🖤 😭

- Female!Reader gets caught by vampires on a case but Sam, Dean, and Cas arrive to save the day.  

Crisis Averted || WC: 1,468 || 😋

- Shit hits the fan after Dean finds out that Platonic!Reader and Sam have slept together. Crisis is averted once Reader has a chat with Dean about it.

Stupid || WC: 1,271 || ❤️️ 😭

- Reader gets hurt on a hunt but doesn’t tell the Sam and Dean about it. They only find out because she passes out as soon as she steps out of the car. 

Life After Losing Him || WC: 1,880 || 😕

- Platonic!Reader x Sam and Dean Winchester (mostly Dean tbh) || Reader goes about their new daily life but soon runs into the best friend they had lost several months prior.

Infection & Affection || WC: 1,010 || 😭

- Dean and Reader hole up in an abandoned house as a storm starts raging. The Readers stab wound soon becomes infected which leads to Reader and Dean admitting their feelings for each other.

Get Away Car || WC: 1,372 || 😕

- Reader finally explains some things to Dean and enlists him to help them with it.

Against Instincts || WC: 1,979 || 😭

Dean made a very serious mistake but much to his surprise, Reader forgives him & the two share a special moment.

Series:

Big Sister || 3 Chapters || Completed

- Jo goes on a hunt with (Y/n), Dean, and Sam after her mother told her not to. (Y/n) had worked it out with Ellen and had almost negotiated taking Jo hunting with her. Jo’s stunt blows that out of the water but (Y/n) still has hope.

Obsessively Protective || 2 Chapters || Completed

- Dean is super protective of Reader who ends up taking a risk and catching heat for it. 

Memories || 2 Chapters || Completed

- Female!Reader is stabbed by shapeshifter!Dean and on the way to the hospital, actual Dean tells her all his favorite memories of them to keep her awake. 

Headcanons:

Dean & Sam Dating a Black Girl

❤️️ Being the Gen Z Child of Dean, Sam, & Cas 

Ranting about favorite Netflix show to Dean, Sam, and Cas 

SFW Alphabet

Incorrect Quotes:

Long Sleeves Are Portable Napkins

Lacroix Tastes Like Shit

Who Ate My Cookies?

I Have A Black Belt

I’m Not A Child

He Honked At Us

Keep An Eye On Him

Just Do Cocaine

BACK TO THE MAIN MASTERLIST

[shirtlesssammy]

8x01: We Need to Talk About Kevin

Then:

P U R G A T O R Y

Now:

100-Mile Wilderness, Maine

1 Year Later

A couple is sleeping peacefully in the forest when a bright light fills the sky, waking the woman.

The couple goes out to investigate when they hear rustling outside. It’s a deer! Close...it’s Dean! He’s looking more like a feral rat than a deer. I would not want to run into someone looking like Dean in the middle of nowhere, that’s for sure. He pulls his gun, asks where the road is, grabs a bag of their stuff, and skedaddles. Yikes. First, for anyone not caught up, let’s all collectively scream what we all thought on our first viewing: Where’s Cas??! Second, who the fuck hikes anywhere, let alone the 100 Mile Wilderness trail with that kind of gear?! Camp chairs? A lantern the size of a dining room chandelier? A tent that’s making Harry Potter quake? Anyway, I lol thinking this is the most unbelievable part of this scene, and not the dude who just got back from Purgatory. 

Clayton, Louisiana

4 Days Later

Cue up Styx “Man in the Wilderness”, and sit back and watch one of my favorite montages. Watching Dean walk down a road never gets old. He walks to a cemetery and digs up a grave. He chants an incantation over some bones, and voilà, he brings back to life a vampire! They embrace.

Wait, what? 

In Kermit, Texas, Sam’s ditching on a woman AND a dog. He drives to Rufus’s cabin in Montana, where a hiding Dean assaults him with all the monster tests. They both pass, and hug. Sam is shocked. “I guess standing too close to exploding dick, sends your ass straight to Purgatory.” Dean explains the situation with the first dick joke of the season. Sam has further questions, and Dean is vague on the details. Sam also wonders about Cas. Dean shuts down a little more and admits, “Yeah, Cas didn’t make it.” 

Sam presses the matter. “Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy towards the end, and he... just let go,” Dean adds. So, he admits that Cas let go here, did he alter his memory after this? In any event, Dean’s really broken about it. 

Sam then admits that he got out of the life, tossed all his phones, etc. “Something happened to me this year, too.” Gah, like a complete breakdown and fugue state, but I will reserve my thoughts for my non-existent essay on the state of Sam’s mind when Dean and Cas were in Purgatory. That sends Dean into an anger spiral. (Natasha: LIMES)

He listens to all of Sam’s phone messages --the increasingly desperate and eventually disillusioned pleas for help from Kevin. 

He was their responsibility, and Sam just ditched him. Uh, because he was in complete mental failure! Sam hears something in the background of the last message and is able to isolate the sound to a bus station. They track him to Michigan, where his girlfriend, Channing, is attending college. 

Once at the motel, Dean sees two boys playing with their toy guns, which sends him into a memory spiral. He’s chasing a vamp in Purgatory and eventually catches him. “Where’s the angel?”

WhEreS tHe aNgEl?

W H E R E ‘ S  T H E  A N G E L?

??

?

(Don’t touch me.)

“You’re him. The human.” 

Like, excuse me? The monsters are all meeting up talking about the human wandering around Purgatory looking for that angel? LIKE PLEASE. No, please STOp. I can’t take it, even after all these years. 

Anyway, Dean keeps demanding to know where that goddamned angel is. The vamp refuses to say so Mr. Dramatic lops his head off set to a very elegant camera angle. 

Another monster attacks but Dean’s too far from his machete. Then ANOTHER monster attacks THAT monster. Spoiler: IT’S BENNY! 

Later, in the motel, Dean suggests moving on, but Sam thinks he should get some rest. Dean goes into another anger spiral --probably because he couldn’t sleep for a year and all Sam did was sleep due to his complete breakdown. Sam trying to ignore that he didn’t have control of his world isn’t helping him with Dean. Sam found “a girl.” Well, actually, she was a fully grown woman, but go on… Listen, I don't like the Amelia stuff as much as the next person, so I have a very elaborate headcanon of Sam’s mental break and the symbolic fantasy world he created while he barely existed at the cabin. 

Anyway, Sam asks Dean what Purgatory was like. “It was bloody. Messy. 31 flavors of bottom-dwelling nasties. Hell, most days felt like 360-degree combat. But there was something about being there.”

“It felt pure.”

It fElT PuRe

I T  F E L T  P U R E

Flashback to Purgatory, where Dean’s life is still saved by Benny, the vampire. Dean threatens to shiv him up the ass so...every friendship needs to start somewhere? The vampire knows an escape hatch out of Purgatory! But it’s only for humans. He’ll show him the portal as long as Dean smuggles his soul out of Purgatory. 

The first rule of Purgatory is you can’t trust anyone. Dean doesn’t trust Benny - not an inch. But he does need allies. He tells Benny that he’ll agree to that tenuous deal as long as they find “the angel” first.

At a college, the Winchesters interview Channing. She hasn’t heard a word from Kevin and furthermore, would spurn his love forever now that he’s no longer going to Princeton. Ouch! After they leave, Channing’s eyes go black and she slices her roommate's throat so she can make a phone call. DOUBLE OUCH! She reports that Kevin still hasn’t gotten in touch with her, but Dean Winchester is back.

Trying to get some work done amongst the students, Sam experiences his own mournful flashback. He hit a dog! He shouted at veterinary hospital employees! Damn it, this is an animal hospital!!! I hand you a bloody dog, you fix! Shouting helps things happen! 

Sam bby.

Dean arrives with a burger in hand, reunited with one of the loves of his life at least. Sam reports that he’s tracked Kevin to Iowa.

At a run down church in Iowa, the Winchesters pay a house call. Kevin immediately confronts them with a Borax-loaded supersoaker. Once he figures out they’re human, Kevin gives them the tour of his new digs. He’s learned how to ward against demons. And then while explaining his recent past, Kevin has his own flashback! Everyone gets one! 

In Kevin’s flashback, he’s been captured by Crowley who sits him down to work on another tablet. A DEMON tablet! Dun dun DUN! Kevin mines its secrets and tells Crowley that there’s a hell gate in Wisconsin. (Made out of cheese?) Demons gather ingredients for him and Kevin gets to have a MONTAGE of preparing a spell to open the gate. Only…

...Kevin was hoodwinking the demons the whole time. 

He’d found a demon bomb recipe and blasts away his guards while Crowley waits on a distant Wisconsin farm. 

Back in the present, Kevin’s stowed the tablet somewhere safe but before he did that, he made sure to memorize one more important spell from the tablet: a spell to close the gates of Hell...FOREVER. 

Dean and Sam head outside to the...second story church deck?...to chat. Sam’s disappointed that Kevin seems further into the hunting life than before. Dean’s proud of the kid - “he’s in it whether he likes it or not.” Oof. Dean, your Winchester is showing.

Sam heads down to the candle-lit church. He apologizes to Kevin for bugging out on him - and on everything hunting related. It’s definitely staged like a confession.

Kevin admits that he’s perturbed when he really stops and thinks about his life, post-prophet-revelation. Sam assures him that “it gets better.” Hmm RLY? Sam’s an optimist, and continues: if they can banish all the demons, Kevin might actually be free to live a good life. BRB weeping and shouting angrily at this show!

In Sam’s hazy flashback, he waits anxiously for the news from the vet. She reports that his dog will be okay. Sam corrects her - the dog isn��t his! She double barrel blasts him with sarcasm, implying that if he doesn’t take care of the dog he hit then he’s the worst person in the world. Which. Okay. I generally don’t mind Amelia though I think she demonstrably has terrible luck picking stable, healthy relationships. But this scene always has me rolling my eyes. It’s so normal to foist a dog on a stranger! Everyone has the means and time to care for a dog, not to mention a dog who has been seriously injured! A vet would not do this! Amelia, plz. 

Amelia puppy dog eyes Sam, and he’s toast. He’s spent so many years working on his offensive puppy eyed tactics, he never thought to work on his defense!

The church begins to shake and wood splits apart Kevin’s devil’s traps. A couple of demons arrive, armed with more swagger than weaponry. There’s a zappy flashy kicky fight and then Crowley and Channing arrive. Crowley demands the tablet for Channing’s life. He flashes Channing back into control for a moment as proof of life. Kevin offers himself up in exchange for Channing’s freedom and heads off to “pack up.” Then Kevin lures Crowley and Channing to a holy water trap.

As they’re being doused, the Winchesters and Kevin escape. While they drive away, Crowley orders the demon out of Channing and then kills her. Oof. 

Later, Dean gets a phone call as they stop for gas and snacks, and then passes it off as a wrong number. Kevin passes on donuts and beef jerky. He just saw his girlfriend die and that doesn’t lend itself well to gas station snacks. 

Dean offers up words of Winchester Solace™. “You’re in it now. Whether you like it or not you do what you gotta do.” Good talk, Dean! 

On Dean’s pee break, he furtively places a phone call. It’s Benny, the vampire from earlier! He’s lurking on the edges of a funeral in a not-at-all-suspicious way. He figured out cell phones! But not fashion.

Dean tells him that they shouldn’t talk for a while since they’re both adjusting to life. Benny wistfully tells Dean that Purgatory WAS pure and he should have appreciated it more while he was there. They both admonish each other to be good (and presumably not go on a murderous rampage). Good talk!

WHERE’RE THE QUOTES?

We made it, brother

I don't know whether to give you a hug or take a shower

Nothing says "family" quite like the whole family being dead

Where’s the angel?

Hey, the rules are simple, Sam. You don't take a joint from a guy named Don, and there's no dogs in the car!

So you're looking for a soul train

There's a demon in you, and you're going to your safety school

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 15x04 “Atomic Monsters”

in which Jensen’s directing blows my mind a little bit?? holy shit. also Dean is only eating phallic things... and the writer in me is reeling. SOMEONE TELL ME THAT WAS JENSEN SINGING THAT SONG PLEASE

--

07:01pm

mostly what i wanna do right now is eat and watch queer eye buuuut i guess i should watch this first. hopefully it’s fun?? i do not want my heart ripped out or to be squicked right now

-

07:04

oh no........ becky

i like her as a character but ew ew ew all of her life choices and the way she treats sam

fingers crossed for character development

PLEASE DON’T DIE

i mean .....i don’t LIKE her but still

-

07:08

i can’t tell if the audio on my video file is fucked up or whether there’s supposed to be a voiceover here while dean’s shooting people while wearing a very nice beard

because it’s very much drowned out

-

07:10

oh hey benny

soooo this is some kind of au fic maybe

-

i uh.... fully expected dean to kiss benny right then

-

07:13 

definitely a voiceover drowned out on purpose

vaguely heard “title” as the titlecard came up

okay, interesting

-

07:15

DEAN GOT VEGGIE BACON

yee

-

sam: YOU GOTTA STOP CALLING YOURSELF THE MEAT MAN, IT DOESN’T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS

OHHHHH SAMMY No i think he knows exactly what it means, and what it sounds like

-

dean: yeah it does

TOLD YOU. bi baby

-

07:18

real bacon

DEAN YOU VEGETABLE-HATING ASSHOLE

-

07:22

dean and his flask this season..... guess he’s gone back to quiet alcoholism

-

07:23

wow........ becky has not aged a DAY

-

07:27

becky: they just sit around and do laundry and talk

okay NOW i relate to becky

thank youuuu davy perez for letting her grow and recognize her awful awful awful mistakes

-

chuck: eeeeeeh, people like monsters

becky: meh

HELL YEAH

i mean i love monster stories but i love laundry more

-

07:29

there’s a tall cas doll in becky’s bookshelf, yay~

which.... honestly looks like a white tennis ball on a roll of paper with wings attached but still

-

07:33

cas is gone and dean is eating SO MUCH

> meat man bacon (textual penis euphemism)

> pretzels (twisted, salty rather than sweet, metaphor for Not Straight)

> alcohol (DESPAIR)

> hot dog (phallic)

-

i can’t put screenshots on my posts anymore bc tumblr sucks BUT

as dean’s sitting with the hot dog, in the shot that contains sam, there’s BISEXUAL BICYCLES

-

07:40

sam holds a hyponeedle behind his back

i’m wondering if they’d become a little out of character if chuck is writing them again

-

07:42

i’d say the orchid is significant

there’s a pink one in the house of the dad/mom/son, and the speech-making cheerleader mentioned ghost orchids

edit: nah

-

07:44

aww there’s a lil cas pop figure thingy!!! yay team free will!!!

-

07:45

chuck: fan..fic. it’s not really the same

becky: writing’s writing!!

YES BECKY

-

07:52

becky: no-one even mentions cas

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS BECKY

-

07:54

flashback to the son biting the girl’s neck, the music kind of halfway there

the directing of this is fascinating

like a music video, it’s ethereal

and... you know when you hear JUST enough of a good chord from a song but you don’t hear the rest and it’s like MMM but just an inch away from satisfying but not in a bad way?? like breathing in a meal you’re not going to eat. like walking past a bakery and not going inside. you want it but you can’t have it, IT TEASES

AND I JUST LOOKED UP THE DIRECTOR AND IT’S JENSEN

WOW. OKAY DUDE 3000 KUDOS TO YOU

this isn’t a tv show, it’s art. like. he just made art. wow 

wowow

-

there are SO MANY LAYERS HERe, particularly in the audio

the kid talking, chuck’s voiceover, the music in the truck, the heartbeat and roaring sound effects, the kid and the girl breathing and grunting in the flashback

it’s like... sensory overload but at the same time it’s delicious

.....you know what?? this scene is beyond incredible, because not only is is beautiful for what it is, but also for what it represents

because i was just thinking that this feeling, this blast and blur of ALL THE THINGS ALL AT ONCE AT THE APEX OF EMOTION feels exactly like the part where i’m writing a story and everything’s happening so fast and i gotta type AS THINGS ARE HAPPENING and words just flood from my fingertips and my heart is pounding and the world no longer exists, i’m kind of out of my body but no longer have a body

and

like

that’s literally what’s happening. all of this. is chuck writing in that exact moment, unresponsive to becky, WRITING THINGS INTO EXISTENCE

i told my family a while ago, there are some stories only a Writer can write. when they write about being a Writer and you can tell it’s so personal and would be related to the most by other writers. and davy perez has done exactly this here, with becky being us, the fandom, but then there’s THIS

that flood of Everything All At Once is illustrated PERFECTLY, not just in the text, but the way jensen obviously understood the feeling and illustrated it in such a way that i didn’t even remember the layer of this story where chuck’s writing until i was all “hey this feels like that writer thing” and IT’S EXACTLY THAT

this is mind-blowing a little bit??? i really really love this

goddamn

-

08:09

ooooooh a vampire trying to save the winchesters from humans

-

08:11

.....who’s singing this song? kind of?? sounds like jensen???

it’s probably not jensen but 100% chance he picked the song

that long note as the girl’s taken out on the stretcher. oh man it REALLY sounds like jensen

....i listened again and....... the word “SOUnds”

no, yeah, that’s jensen. the way he kind of hurls a big note up through his chest yet it comes out soft with just that teeeeny touch of huskiness?? that’s gotta be jensen

if it’s not jensen i’ll be v surprised. might be a friend of his maybe. but there’s a personal connection there definitely

edit: NO IT HAS TO BE JENSEN. IT IS RIGHT??? SOMEONE TELL ME IT IS

*misha at jibcon voice* we get a tingly feeling when we hear it so we know it’s you

-

08:17

becky: it’s AWFUL. HOPELESS. you can’t do this to the fans

i can’t tell if that textual awareness combined with my dread about the upcoming ending of the show makes me glad the writers understand, or worried that they understand but are gonna give us a dark, hopeless ending anyway

-

08:20

did the voiceover just say “bexy becky”

-

08:23

dean: now that chuck’s gone... we are..... finally free

oh no baby

oh no

-

08:26

laughing bc the ending was just “next to him sit dean and sam bobbleheads”

the end

guess it’s kind of a cause-and-effect thing. chuck types, they wobble

-

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAN

at least becky’s not dead right?? at least according to chuck talking about her family

CHUCK IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST.

i’m so glad becky is a stable, healthily creative human who obeys consent now and is repulsed by what she did to sam

i probably don’t need to say it again but the directing in this was phenomenal, if highly unusual compared to other episodes. there was a lot of... force in it? actually now i think it about it, it had jensen’s energy. smooth and flowing with smacks of Hell Yeah and some twangs of discomfort thrown in.

also dean’s food was phallic, fight me

i think the bicycles thing probably meant less than the food did, jensen’s way more straightforward with his dick jokes. like, if he’s gonna be gay, he goes for it, doesn’t hide it in the background. someone else put those bicycles there, and he was probably like “ok sure”.

(also? dean’s “nice beaver” quip, followed by the fact that THE PERSON INSIDE THE BEAVER FURSUIT IS A GUY)

i bet i’m gonna get on tumblr after this and someone’s gonna be like “hey here’s the song that was in this episode and yeah it’s off jensen’s new album”

i’m interested to see where this story goes next. but also WOW, i’m not into the fact chuck is manipulating the storyline again and the winchesters aren’t aware of it. curious flip regarding consent issues, with chuck and becky. now chuck’s the violator and becky’s the voice of reason

anyway this was 10/10, and i’m happy to report that after i got past the scene with the red lights in the bunker, and made it to the brothers eating bacon, i’d completely forgotten i wanted to be watching something else and began to fully enjoy this episode~ yay

[mathiascdaley]

The Singer Chronicles

Summary: You had been trained as a hunter their whole life, usually hunting solo. Until 6 years ago when Cerberus became your new hunting partner and you finally figured out who was looking after you all these years.

Warnings: Brief mentions of blood and language

A/N: So...finally writing again since I have my computer back. Story takes place in Season 13. Readers' thoughts are in italics. Any feedback is more than welcome. This is planned as a series so let me know if you guys want more.

And as always all characters and events are property of Warner Brothers and the CW Network. Only original character of my creation is Nichole Singer.

______________________________________________________________

Nichole sighed with exhaustion, as there had been more ghouls than expected in the old farm house. Stupid stupid stupid, I should have called in another hunter. She pressed the wound on her side, hoping to help stop the bleeding. When she heard a pair of heavy footfalls coming from the front porch, “Shit!” she muttered through clenched teeth. Frantically looking around trying to find Cerberus, she started to worry when she couldn’t see him.

“I don’t know Sammy, it doesn’t look like anyone is home. Guess we should knock and double check,” she heard one say as the other one tried to pick the lock on the front door. Nichole started feeling more light headed as she propped herself against the wall. She struggled to keep her gun out in front of her. She hoped she would be able to take out at least half of the pair that were breaking in.

 “Dean,” was the only thing that she heard once the door opened. Her lids started to become heavy, looking down she noticed there was more blood on the floor then should be. Wait, she realized she may know those voices, it couldn’t be the stupid Winchesters. Could it?

 "Sammy, look there is a lot of blood here. Do you think another hunter cleared the ghouls out first?" she hears Dean ask his brother. The world had started to tilt more the longer she stood there with her arm outstretched. Nichole had no plans to lower her weapon until she was 100% sure that it was the Winchesters in the farmhouse. There was a small creaking noise when one of the hunters pushed the door open. “Whoa, there sweetheart. No need for that,” Dean was looking at the gun pointed at him, when he noticed that her eyes were barely open. “Shit, Sammy in here. CAS! JACK! We need..” Nichole didn't understand the rest of what Dean was saying as the world started to go black.

 Coming to, Nichole noticed several pairs of eyes staring trying to figure out if she was a threat or not. Nichole recognized three of the men immediately; groaning she stood up on unsteady legs, looking to gather enough strength to wash the blood and ghoul guts off of her face. “Good to see you too Winchester,” Nichole glared at the oldest one, not once forgetting they were part of the reason that her dad was dead. She could tell Sam and Cas were still clueless on who she was, but the mumbled curse from Dean confirmed that even under ghoul guts, he remembered her.

 “Singer,” Dean bluntly stated as he lowered his gun and tucked it into the back waistband of his jeans. “You wanna tell me why you’re huntin’ by yourself sweetheart?”

 “Call me that again and you’ll be leaving with one less part then you walked in with, Winchester.” After a few tries, Nichole made it to the sink and washed off the pieces of ghoul from her face and hair. But her threat didn’t seem very real as she stood there reminiscent of a drowned rat, with her hair plastered down. By now Sam and Cas had recognized her as Bobby’s daughter..

 "Nichole, it is good to see you again. How have you been?"

 "I'm fine Cas, just working like you are.” She paused and turned, “if you don't stop gawkin’ at me kid, we are going to have a problem." Nichole bit out, glaring at the youngest of the men in front of her.

 “Hi, I’m Jack. I healed your wounds for you. But I agree with Dean, you shouldn’t be hunting by yourself, it is very dangerous.”

 “Wow, kid. You new here? I’ve been huntin’ almost as long as Sammy has, and a lot longer than Cas over there. There ain’t much that can cause me issues. Now if you’ll boys excuse me, I’ll be going.” Nichole had almost made it to the front door, looking to see if she could spot Cerberus. She hadn’t seen him since before the fourth ghoul had decided he wanted to try out for the next biggest horror movie and appeared out of nowhere.

 “Hey Nichole, wait a second,” she rolled her eyes but stopped for Sam since she liked him more then Dean most days, “how have you really been?”

 “I go one day at a time Sammy, it’s all I can do,” she finished with a sigh, “some days are harder than others, but you know us Singers, no one can tell us when to stay out of a fight that isn’t ours.” Nichole had made it to her car and still couldn’t find Cerberus. She tried to stall as long as possible, hoping that the Winchesters would leave soon. She needed to finish cleaning up and change out of her blood soaked flannel; and hoping Cerberus would show up so Nichole could make sure he was okay.

 “Alright, Sammy, you heard her. The princess is doing just fine, never mind the fact that Jack had to literally save her life before she could bleed out. We should go check the vamp case you said might be up North.” Dean was interrupted as a growl ripped through the air. “What the hell was that?”

 The audible clicks of the safety being taken off of the Winchesters colts had Nichole’s breath hitch, causing Jack to pull her behind him and Cas. Shit, I hoped Cerberus would be smart enough to stay out of sight till everyone left. Nichole noticed the boys still had the same hunting patterns they had all those years ago, Sam went to the right and Dean went straight for the danger. Everyone stayed silent a little longer before Cerberus growled again, and Nichole saw him in the reflection of her car.

 “DOWN!” Dean commanded, aiming at Cerberus. Nichole knowing how skilled Dean was did the only thing she can think of.

 “NO! Don’t Dean, Cerberus won’t hurt anyone here.” Nichole stood between the man she once considered family and the three headed hell hound that was now her family. “Cerberus, you ok boy? The ghouls didn’t get you?” Nichole glanced back and made sure he was in one whole piece.

 “Nichole, why is Cerberus here and not in Hell?” Cas asked, being the only one who didn’t look like they were about to pass out. Nichole looked back at the Winchesters and hoped that they would relax now that Cerberus had stopped growling, but to be fair she had freaked out at first too.

 “It’s a long story. I’m staying next to the old diner in town. Meet us there and I’ll explain everything. OK?” Cas nodded, “And Dean, you shoot Cerberus, I’ll make your stint in Hell look like a weekend spa getaway.” Nichole heard Sam chuckle in the background and the younger one asking Cas something, but she was already focusing on Cerberus and making sure he was ok. “Hey boy, you did so good in making sure I stayed safe.” She had already walked around and made sure he wasn’t bleeding. Nichole sighed with relief when she finally decided he was okay and got him in the car to meet the Winchesters at the motel. “Okay boy, time to tell our story. Can you be nice to them? I know eating Dean may sound like a good idea, but then you’d have to eat Sam. And I don’t think you could finish both of them while I took out the angel and the gawker.” She waited hoping he would do something so she knew he understood her. When he didn’t respond Nichole looked back and saw him sleeping soundly. “Yeah, me too bud. Me too,” as she slowly pulled into the motels parking lot, she can see that Dean was already pacing back and forth.

 “What the Hell Singer?!? Why are you fighting with a hellhound?” Dean started in on his tirade before she could step foot out of the car. “Are you insane? Not only is this a completely idiotic idea but how the hell is it not eaten you yet?”

 Nichole rolled her eyes, “Well if you would give me a second to get  Cerberus out of the car. I’d be glad to tell you everything,” she could hear Sam warn Dean to calm down a little bit. She shook Cerberus awake and then followed him to the room and she got started on getting the beers passed around. As she closed the door to the fridge, she heard Cerberus growl, “you better get off his side of the bed. I won’t tell him not to take a bite out of you.” Nichole turned to see that it was Dean on the bed. “I mean it, that’s his side of the bed and he doesn’t like people on it,” she stated, while handing Dean a beer.

 “You seem to know a lot about Cerberus Nichole, how did you find him and why is he out of hell? Surely someone noticed he was gone and came looking for him to be returned.” Cas inquired.

 “Yeah,” Dean added as he surrendered the spot on the bed to Cerberus. “Surely a three-headed hell hound is noticeable and someone must’ve called the cops on you by now.”

 “You’d be surprised how many people just ignore him and he only shows himself in front of others if he thinks I’m in danger. But no, no one has tried to get him back, I’ve been hunting with him for almost 6 years now. It started maybe a year or so after Dad died. There was a case up in Washington, people were getting junk mail about a dog walking service where the dogs would show up at your house and not leave until you took them on a walk,” she paused to take a sip of her beer. “However, every once and awhile, the person who took the dog out never returned home. I managed to move to the town and sign up for the service. I had normal dogs the first few times, until I figured out it was a witches coven getting revenge for something or another. The next dog I got was a hell hound, I thought that was the end of the Singers right then and there. But it led me to the witch's house and then helped me kill her. It ran before I finished clearing the house and I thought that was the end of that. But the next morning there was another dog waiting outside of the motel I stayed out a few towns over. It was Cerberus and had this note attached to its collar.” Nichole handed the note to Sam.

 "Hope he helps you with all your needs, and you never again worry about hunting unprotected or alone my love." Sam read the note out loud for everyone.

 “I don’t know who sent it or Cerberus , and I asked everyone I could think of but no one seemed to have an answer,” you finished.

 “You don’t think it was Crowley do you?” Cas asked Sam.

 “It doesn’t seem like something Crowley would do. Anyways he had a deal with Bobby and I doubt protection for Nichole would have been added to the deal.”

 “Wow, thanks Sam, I’ll remember that next time I need to save your hide.” She had finished off her beer by now and was debating on getting another one or not. “Anyways I know it wasn’t him, I asked a few different demons and they all seemed to think Cerberus was a thing of myths. So I doubt Crowley would have helped me.”

 “What if my father sent him? In order, to keep a track of the hunters in the area?” Jack added looking at Cas. “He might be interested in Nichole due to the angelic residue around her."

 Nichole interrupted Cas before he could answer, “what are you talking about, kid? I’ve never had an angel hitch a ride in me and I'm left alone by most of them. And who’s your dad that they would give a shit about keeping track of me?” Nichole saw the brothers look at each other and cringe at something, “Would one of you spit it out, already? You had the same looks on your faces when you came and told me my dad had died helping you out with the Leviathans.”

 “Lucifer,” Sam whispered out, “Jacks’ father is Lucifer. Jack is the Nephilim that the whole world went crazy over a few months ago.”

 “You’re shitting me?! You have to be actually insane! Do you not remember what that fucker did to me?! He had me trapped in a cage for a year before any of you realized that he was me!!!” Nichole shouted over Cerberus’s growling, “ Get out. All of you, now.”

 “Nic, it’s not what you think. He is nothing like Lucifer, he thinks of Cas as his father. I swear he won’t hurt you and neither will Lucifer.” Sam pleaded with her, “just let us explain what has been going on. I remember what Lucifer did to you, as much as you remember what he did to me. Do you really think I would bring someone like that around you again?”

 Nichole took a deep breath. “Fine, but the moment I sense something is up or off, I’m blasting him with a holy water Molotov cocktail.” Sam nodded and waited for her to sit back down, before the brothers started to explain everything that had been going on in the last few months for them. “Wait, so let me get this straight. You stuck Lucifer on a alternate universe...with Michael...that has been practically destroyed by an all out angel war...Crowley’s killed himself to save y'all...your MOM was alive cuz y’all are apparently best friends with God now...and now a PRINCE OF HELL is after Jack...did I miss anything else in the years that I’ve been ignoring your crap?”

 “Yeah, but that’s the most recent that you’ve missed,” Dean replied as he moved his empty beer bottle out of his way. Nichole leaned back in the chair and tried to fathom the fact that Lucifer was trapped, and he could never get to her again. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but we have a permanent place to stay now in Lebanon. We could use the help and I think you could use the family sweetheart. So come with us, and help us stop the last Prince of Hell.”

 She looked up at Dean and his outstretched hand, knowing if she took it she’d never leave the Winchesters. She had missed working with family and they were the last of the family she had living. Cerberus seemed to sense that Nichole was debating it, so he nudged her arm and gave her a look that said he’d be by her side the whole time. She took Deans’ hand, “fine, but I am taking the room farthest from you, you pig.”

[whyimmathere]

CLASSIC FICS

The incestuous courtship of the antichrist's bride (Sam/Dean, nc-17, crack-horror): Sam is trying to become the Antichrist in order to save the world. {dowload ✿}

The firefly that loved Metallica (Sam/Dean, R, set post-AHBL): In which Sam has a bottle full of soul. 

Moths on the Mirror (Dean/OMC + Dean/Sam, nc-17): There's something wrong in Red Haven Hospital for the Criminally Insane, but no one's going to listen to a psychopath like Dean Winchester. {dowload ✿}

Flying Weight (Sam/Dean + Dean/OMC, nc-17): Sam wakes after being soulless for three years to discover that Dean and his relationship with him have undergone some serious changes. {dowload ✿}

Dark Side of the Moon (Sam/Dean, nc-17) {dowload ✿}

Couples' Counseling (Sam/Dean, nc-17): in which they get just that.

Fumbling in the Dark: Love Advice For the Romantically Impaired (Sam/Dean, nc-17): true love is really blind. {dowload ✿} 

Sing Your Hymns Like Angels In Defeat (Sam/Dean, nc-17): And Lucifer fell for a second time with the burning brilliance of a star. The Flare shone in his wake, and darkness fell upon the land. {dowload ✿}

The Little Spoon (Sam/Dean, nc-17): To his horror, Sam discovers that he's a stealth!snuggler. {dowload ✿}

Top This (Sam/Dean, nc-17): Dean's sure he's a top. Only problem is, Sam's pretty sure that's his job. {dowload ✿}

Hush (Sam/Dean, nc-17): Motel walls are thin... {dowload ✿}

Fairytale Life (Sam/Dean + Dean/OFC, R ): There are no happily ever afters... {dowload ✿}

Camdon Inn (Sam/Dean, nc-17): In the backwoods of Northern Michigan, Sam and Dean are on the trail of what they think might be the area's fabled 'Dog Man.' What they find instead in the small town of Silver Lake is a suspicious sheriff, a shady innkeeper, a closed mouth town and a lot more than they bargained for when the supposed overly large wolf that they were hunting starts hunting them back. And, much to Dean's horror, he can no longer seem to keep his hands off of Sam. {dowload ✿}

The Bright Lights of Disturbia (Sam/Dean, nc-17): Not all of our scars are worn on the outside...

God Made Boston on a Wet Sunday (Sam/Dean, nc-17): Sam and Dean live in an apartment in Boston while John is away on a hunt. Money is scarce, so Dean picks up a particularly slutty part-time job. Sam finds out.

Sleepwalking Back Again (Sam/Dean, nc-17): “Wish ‘Verse. Spoilers for 2x20, and very vaguely for season 3. Warnings for established incest, adultery, angst, smoking, dramatic irony, and the complete absence of a happy ending.”

Soul-Eater, Death-Dealer Sam/Dean, nc-17): “A grieving Dean is pulled into an alternate universe where a much more hardened, cold Sam is working to get his Dean out of hell. Though Dean doesn’t want to go back to his lonely world, he aids Sam in his dark quest, a Sam torn between the brother he’s fighting to save and the one right in front of him.”

Not Time’s Fool (Sam/Dean, nc-17): “A story in 21 parts, featuring an Ancient Greek curse, an unexpected metamorphosis, adventures in pool sharking, numerous shots of tequila, a nun outfit, zombies, angels, demons, kidnappings, startling discoveries about old acquaintances, massage, a game of strip poker, girl-on-girl action, girl-on-boy action, and boy-on-boy action.”

How many floors to realize (Sam/Dean, nc-17): “AU from the end of It’s A Terrible Life, in which Zachariah decides to keep stringing them along a little while longer, because damn if they aren’t somewhat entertaining, right?”

Supercross (Sam/Dean, nc-17): “Set in a world where competitive team stunt biking shows – explosive entertainment performances full of tricks, talent, fireworks and music – dominate the world of freestyle motocross biking, this story follows Sam and Dean Winchester as they deal with their lives, bikes, flips, tricks – and love.”

Your Fields So Green Can Whisper Tales of Gore (Sam/Dean, nc-17): Dean is 100% everything Sam’s been unintentionally searching for.Sam is 100% everything Dean’s been secretly hoping would find him.

ANTIBODY (Sam/Dean nc17):  AU where the boys run the town morgue - Dean is the pathologist and Sam is his assistant.

Do Roses Know Their Thorns Can Hurt? (Sam/Dean, nc17): Dean needs a new body part and Sam doesn't cope well with any of it.(A very AU!AU borrowing the lovely idea from Time Is on My Side - somewhat Burton inspired and super unserious.)

Almost at Home (Sam/Dean, nc17):  Sam graduates from high school in early June in rural Tennessee. He and Dean start the summer with an all-nighter of celebration; the day after, while both fight hangovers, John calls to assign them their first hunt by themselves. They go to northern Virginia to investigate the homicidal ghost of a dangerous escapee of a high-security prison and mental institution whose MO is beheading people with an axe while wearing a filthy, grotesque bunny suit. Then throughout the long, happy summer, as they move around tackling a series of minor hunts together, John's absences grow longer. Sam and Dean explore their relationship as it burgeons into something they've both been craving and which neither of them regrets.

Suite!Verse (Sam/Dean, nc17): “ To save Dean from going to Hell, Sam has voluntarily embraced the role of the Anti-Christ and triggered Armageddon. As the world burns around them and demons enslave the human population, an increasingly demonic Sam begins to chip away at Dean’s will through alternating acts of of sex and violence. Caught between lust and fear, Dean struggles with the hope that his brother can be redeemed and slips further and further into the Stockholm Syndrome. As the series progresses, Dean loses more and more of his agency and personality, leaving the reader to wonder what, if anything, of Dean will remain at the end.” [WIP, very dark content]

We were Twenty (Sam/Dean, nc17):  It's sunny the day he buries his brother .

Fine Wonderful Things (Sam/Dean, nc17):  Sam doesn't want to deal with what happened in Cold Oak, but he can't ignore it anymore when he and Dean investigate a murderous spirit in New Mexico.

Rip us out at the seams  (Sam/Dean, nc17):  Hookerfic that leads to first-time wincest, set through season 3 and into season 4. Title from Heather Nova. 

[watchingspn-blog]

spn rewatch | wendigo

I’m gonna be real upfront right now. This episode scared the piss out of me when I first saw it. I’m sorry but a crazy fast, perfect hunter who can move faster than you can blink and eats human flesh to survive and can mimic a person’s voice to lure you to them?! I WAS TERRIFIED! It didn’t help that I had just moved into our new house, which is on five acres of land with about four of those acres being nothing but woods. But, for real, I know some of the effects aren’t as good as they could be by today’s standards but I actually loved and was terrified of this episode the first time I saw it, which kind of amped up the scary factor from the pilot for me. 

Okay, here we go. 

So as if we needed to further cement that this is taking place in glorious 2005, you’ve got two guys playing games on their Nintendo DS’s (RIP pre-Glee Cory Monteith, the only person who could’ve competed with Jared vertically) and then Tommy recording a video on his Blackberry, somehow magically having it perfectly level with his face despite not being able to see the screen as he records. Like seriously that’s the supernatural activity they should be investigating.

Okay but so some of the wendio effects later in the episode are not so great but in this first scene, I think they made some pretty solid choices of just relying on the whole concept of “less is more” and giving mostly scary sounds and rustling trees and making you more afraid of what could be in the forest than creating a scary visual to throw at you right off the bat. Solid scary intro scene. 

The cemetery scene. Totally classic shoutout to Carrie. I had just gotten into Stephen King when I started watching Supernatural (honestly I was delving into all kinds of horror themed things at the time) and I’d seen Carrie for the first time not too long before this. Which means not only was I super scared by the jump scare (because I’m still jumpy as fuck to this day), I was also SUPER proud of myself for knowing what they were trying to reference there. I definitely thought I was cool for getting that one. Now, not so much. But the scene still makes me jump. 

I really do like the ways they’re kind of trying to establish how the brothers care for each other. Like you know right off the bat in the pilot that their relationship is rough at best and that there’s some pretty obvious toxic masculinity on Dean’s part at least but like you can still see that Dean’s concerned. He’s got his own way of showing it but he’s worried about his little brother. 

Side note: just remember that they both had a seriously messed up childhood and the fact that either of them are as close to normal as they are is impressive. Like I think all things considered, they’re pretty well adjusted. Kind of. 

This episode is kind of outside the norm compared to future episodes with how Sam and Dean both handle the case when they first get to town. The fact that Sam just wants to go straight to the coordinates John left them while Dean’s the one saying “maybe we should do a little research first” is bizarro. But it also kind of helps show just where Sam’s mind is at at this point. He’s not coming to this as a hunter taking on a case, he’s a man with a vendetta and the next step he needs to take is finding John. He’s fueled by anger and grief and guilt and that kind of reflects when he seems less concerned about what’s going on in the woods and more interested in just getting out there ASAP.

Okay, just like they couldn’t pass as US Marshals, the guys seriously do not look like park rangers at all. Like you guys aren’t even trying come on. And good on Haley for being suspicious even if she did seem to buy into their story for a bit. 

BABY HAN SOLO! 

I totally did not realize that was Alden Ehrenreich playing Ben until I saw his name on screen at the beginning of the episode. He looks so so so young in this ohmygod. Also think I’ll need to keep a list of like all the crazy celeb cameos of people who got famous after being on the show. Or were already famous but I totally forgot popped up. 

For our next super underrated guest star scene of the series, Shaw - the old man who’s parents were taken by a “grizzly” back when he was a kiddo in 1959. 

Like seriously, it’s one scene but Donnelly Rhodes (RIP) does an amazing job with the scene and like it kind of leaves me with chills whenever he says that whatever it was didn’t break down the door but unlocked it. Like that’s still hella spooky to me. Also, I still don’t totally understand why the wendigo left him behind. Like you’d think for a monster that is going to have a big ass meal before hibernation would want as much meat as possible. Like yeah a little kid wouldn’t much but he’d be something right?

Also that’s a gnarly scar like how did he survive that.

So Dean talks about it being possibly a skinwalker or a black dog but like looking into what those both actually are I honestly don’t understand why he would think that based on what they know about the attacks. Like black dogs are death omens and skinwalkers wouldn’t be able to do the kind of damage that’s being done considering everyone’s just like “oh it’s a grizzly”. So like I dunno, I guess this might’ve been the writers tossing out references to other creatures to make it sound like Dean knows a bunch but like neither of those would be my first guesses for this case.

Kind of just like “early installment weirdness” but whatever. It’s not a big deal, just me nitpicking.

Okay so Roy is kind of a jackass but like he knows what he’s doing for the most part and he totally doesn’t buy the guys story about beng park rangers for one minute. So like I can respect that. And like if it would’ve been an actual animal attacking people, he might’ve survived but oh well. 

I do like that Haley just goes ahead and calls bullshit on the park rangers story before they even go on their adventure but Dean’s whole “it's probably the most honest I've ever been with a woman...ever.” is just kind of cringey. 

So all the traipsing through the woods and the “I’m smarter than you” staredown between Roy and Sam is not super interesting but I do like that 1 - we get to see Sam being angry and being emotional in a more volatile way because that’s not often the case as the show goes on - and 2 - we get our iconic line of “saving people, hunting things, the family business” and the whole idea that they’re not supposed to meet up with John but do the jobs he doesn’t have time for while he’s hunting for the demon that killed Mary. 

I don’t think I really realized why John would leave them coordinates and the journal when he didn’t plan on actually meeting up with them when I watched this as a kid. I just kind of shrugged it off as like a necessary plot device for the show to progress, didn’t really see it as anything with a deeper meaning. And I think it’s fair that you can’t read too much into after an episode and a half because there’s so much that we don’t know yet about the boys and John and their story and all of that. But like looking at it with the knowledge of their lives and everything, it’s a lot heavier moment to me. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it. 

Okay so the rest of the episode is just encounter monster, piss off monster, get kidnapped by monster, track monster, kill monster. Kind of standard, not super exciting like there’s not a lot to talk about. Dean with his molotov cocktails is kind of fantastic. 

The trail of M&Ms is fun and yes better than breadcrumbs. Sam immediately becoming invested in killing the monster once Dean’s been taken gives me all kinds of feels because I love when these two go into protective brother mode. And Dean all banged up with bruises and cuts and dirt is a look I probably shouldn’t like as much as I do but that’s a conversation for another day. 

The wendigo does look a little cheesy when you get better glimpses of it because early 00s special effects so it’s definitely for the best they keep things pretty shadowy for the end of the episode. Not the worst looking monster of season one and still scary enough, to me at least. 

So this is the episode that seems to start the trend that if there’s a girl involved and her life gets saved by the Winchesters, one of them is going to flirt with her and get some kind of physical affection before they leave town. It doesn’t happen every episode but it happens enough that 26 year old me is rolling my eyes. 14 year old me had no issues with Sam and Dean getting smooches because look at them. But now I’m kind of like this seems a little unnecessary but whatever. It’s not the worst instance and all in all, I actually really liked Haley. I liked the whole Collins family. They were some solid guest characters and I feel like the scenes where Sam and Dean are interacting with them individually does a good job of kind of fleshing out their characters a bit more. It gives a chance for some necessary exposition without feeling too forced. 

All in all, solid episode. Scary monster, intensified my fear of the woods, gave some good scenes, iconic lines. Does it have some cheesy moments? Yes. Is it the best episode of the series? No. Does it still scare me when I watch it? 100%.

BODY COUNT: 3 humans (Brad, Gary, Roy); 1 wendigo (our first corporeal monster - also like I’m curious about who the wendigo was before it changed, like how long has it been in the wilderness, how did it wind up at Blackwater Ridge, how it wound up this far west)

RATING: 7.5/10 - yep, I’ll say it. I think this episode is better than the pilot. Not by much but the characters feel a little closer to who they become throughout season one and I feel like you get a better feel for them than we did in the pilot. Also the wendigo scares me more than Sarah Shahi in a sexy nightgown I’m just saying.  

[stusbunker]

Known: Bring Him Home

A DARK Supernatural Fan-fiction

Featuring: Demon!Dean, Demon!Reader, Female Vessel OC, Sam Winchester, Crowley, Castiel, Dean x Female Vessel OC

Summary: This is the first two and a half episodes of season 10. I didn’t rehash what the canon gave us, but let you in on where our reader moved through those events in order to be exactly where she is needed to be.

Warnings: Typical angst, show level violence, demonic phone calls aka blood, the ritual of purified blood aka needles, non-consensual touching, and the rest is too spoilery. Have fun kids! xoxo

Series Masterlist

*^*

September 22, 2014

Glendive, MT

         The stolen SUV stilled with the crunching of gravel, a roadside bar had caught your eye and on the whim that you hadn’t been followed, you pulled over. It was dark and dingy, something you had become intimately used to. The stale beer soaked into the ragged carpeting, a smell you would always associate with that summer, with the countless nights and bar fights the demon that Dean had become had waved off or fucked away. There was a payphone in the hallway between the bathrooms and somehow you were silently hoping he had kept the same number. The coins clunked into place, long and lean in the polished slot. The ancient deep tone of the ring peeled across the ether and then an alias and a generic voicemail continued the one-sided conversation.

You inhaled and replied chunkily, “Sam, it’s me. Or us, well not Dean, but CC. CC and I, both fine, by the way. If you’re free…we should talk.”

*^*

CC watched her hang up the heavy black phone with a satisfying clink. Her warped image looking back at her through the matte reflection of the disused amenity. She had been hiding out, she knew it and the demon at the wheel had quietly left her to it. Well, she didn’t know what Chloe did, she couldn’t, but the months trying to break through to the real Dean or subdue the demon had been exhausting for them both. Sam’s voice had stirred CC from her subterranean, dulled complacency. This wasn’t just about saving her own skin; it never had been. It was about those boys, those pig-headed jackasses that deserved better than what they had been dealt. Or scammed into. And minimizing Dean’s threat was just a finger in the dam.

She shuffled through the demon’s recent memories, stretching against the mental atrophy. She felt her leaving Dean and Crowley with some strippers, glancing thrice over her shoulder before ditching through the employee exit and into a bouncer’s ride. She hadn’t driven far, but in an odd spiral, fanning out to shake anyone tailing her. She seemed to be in the clear, CC watched her buy one drink at a time watching the door to the side hallway like a dog waiting for her human to return from war. The phone never rang.

*^*

Sam couldn’t remember the last time he had gone over 100, especially in something other than the Impala. He bit his tongue as the rickety bumper brushed the pavement after a railroad crossing. Cursing, he thanked his paranoia and hadn’t risked the bullseye that any of the vintage cars from the Bunker would have been, for any demon in his path. All those sonsofbitches that had been laying low or living on radio silence since Crowley had taken his brother from his bed. Cowards, the whole damn species. He cased the parking lot before heading into the side entrance, the bar like any other, navigable and unimpressive. There was still a dusting of sulfur on the earpiece of the payphone and not another clue in sight.

He slammed the phone back into place, loud enough to get a begrudging ‘hey’ from the bartender. Who recoiled as Sam spun to glare at her, he gathered himself carefully before ordering food and prodding for the direction CC’s demon may have headed. A half hour later Sam stared past his second beer, unsure if he wanted to crash or get back to the Bunker when a drunk at the bar got his attention, whining about his cheating wife.

*^*

September 24, 2014

Another crappy motel

         Crowley hadn’t missed how Dean intentionally never mentioned the dove’s sudden and unforeseen disappearance. Crowley was certain Dean hadn’t killed her himself, fairly certain as he didn’t seem to have lost any of the pent-up energy. Especially after the second mess in Wisconsin, when Crowley had been overly disclosing about the Abaddon supporters that Dean stopped listening. With his close watch, Dean couldn’t have done anything to her too terrible.

It still felt a bit, unceremonious, to be skipping town without her. He had grown accustomed to her banter and she had helped keep him infinitely more contained than the Mark could. Without her to help Dean take his edge off, in any number of ways, Crowley pondered what wouldn’t set him off. Ever the businessman, he secured his asset, sliding into the backseat of the car beside Dean as another minion drove them to the next neon plastered cesspool. A jolt of excitement struck a nerve within the King; now it was time for a real howl.

*^*

October 6, 2014

Colorado

You both surfaced in the days following the strip club and the subsequent unanswered phone call. You tried to ignore CC’s intrusiveness, as the memories of the summer months were sorted and filed under constant static in the back of your mind. She was still a hunter, and to her Dean was a target, despite his meatsuit and the taste of him coating every recollection. You left her to her schemes, while mindlessly driving through the mountains and enjoying the scenery you could only imagine in Hell. It was as close to therapeutic something like you could muster and it only made you frustrated with the path you had taken.

          The distance did wonders for your ability to forget the severity of his actions. Your struggling masochistic side had taken you down a steep path that fell away into the oblivion of guilt. Was it all your fault? If you hadn’t taken over CC’s body could she have stopped Dean before he let Crowley swindle him into taking on the Mark convincing him to kill Abaddon for him? If you hadn’t distracted Dean from Sam and the Angel problems, would he have ended up on the wrong end of Metatron’s blade? If you hadn’t needed him would he be better off? Had your selfish, imbalanced, twisted nature damned him? You reasoned against yourself on and off as the scenery flitted past, the lush greens soaking in their final triumphs before the autumnal cascade of color. Everything felt impossibly perfect and you worked your jaw against the need for destruction, because at least you could do that properly. You took the winding roads at whatever pace your foot found, letting the pine and the thin air fill your lungs as CC chanted at you to turn around. To go back. To demon up and bring him to justice or the end of an exorcism.

“Fuck off.”

You felt her roll her eyes at you and you stared into the rearview mirror, challenging while unimpressed. You headed back north, slowly trudging out of the pity party. You slipped around an Oldsmobile going ten under, clipping their sideview mirror off with a semi-pleasing thunk. This is what you did now: wallow in self-doubt and cost geezers their pension checks in repair bills. You slammed the gas and drove toward the only thing that made your heart race like it would stop at any moment. Back to the only being that made you feel death had been worth it.

They were gone. Not a lackey or a forwarding address in sight. You knew what to do, but it made CC nauseous as the intent sparked. It was your turn to roll your eyes. Carefully you moved to the back office and found a particularly sweaty thick necked manager to toss into a bathroom. His beady eyes bulged as best they could against his caterpillar inspired brows once you drew the knife. The generic brown towels quickly plugged the sink to allow his blood to fill the basin.  Once you felt enough of the ruby liquid had pooled below, you spoke into the depths.

“Crowley, you sonofabitch, where did you go?”

*^*

The blonde left the hotel with tears welling in her eyes, she didn’t even look at you as you blatantly watched from the fender of the latest car you had lifted. You swung your arms widely and entered without warning. He smelled of an ocean of booze, musty sheets and sulfur-tinged sweat. Once he could focus on your face an overplayed laugh erupted shallowly from his chest.

“Well shit, Crowley had that revolving door installed after all. Welcome back, uh, whoever you are. Perfect timing, cuz that one just got all sentimental and I had to let her down easy.”

“Except you didn’t.”

“Of course not, what do I look like?”

“Three sheets to the wind and still wearing your boots, must have been some night.”

Dean cocked his head, kicking his legs over the side of the bed. He tried to stand but thought better of it. You paced, picking up some of his clothes that had been left to clutter the floor. He sipped some water from the nightstand. You couldn’t remember a time he had ever drank water in his life, apparently CC could, but that had been because he had been refused a beer from his dad. Good, little shit deserves some purifying forces in his system.

Your hand brushed over the bag beside his new duffel, which had quietly been awaiting your return. You glanced over your shoulder at Dean who just waved off your touched expression. He didn’t ask where you’d been, and you didn’t offer. Slowly you helped him get naked and into the shower. He was too drunk to even try and put on the charms, but he shoved you a bit to make himself feel better about it. It was all too much: walking into the tangle of his exposed nerves, the thoughtfulness and the swift return to degradation. You needed some air, so you walked back into the night to allow him to sober up, however briefly. When you returned, he was gone, but the bags stayed behind.

*^*

October 14, 2014

The bar with the tiniest umbrellas

          The kiss-asses in suits loomed like Agent Smith wannabes, one was barely free from the Axe-body spray of his vessel’s frat boy days. You didn’t care for business and you certainly didn’t want them looking down their noses at you and how your presence was wasting “valuable” time. Instead of engaging them in soul conversion percentages, you ordered another drink and one for Crowley, for whenever he decided to show. Mending bridges was unbearably necessary now that Sam was back in the picture. You felt the mortal coil tightening around your insides, be it from CC’s impatience or the inevitability of being what you were: a demon in love with a hunter. Self-preservation was making you even more cagey than before you had ditched the dynamic duo.

          Crowley strolled in with the sound of welcome bells, a far off look in his eyes, the First Blade tight in his grasp. Heckle and Jeckle started off right away, but he ignored their pleas and took the seat next to you. “Somebody came crawling back with her tail between her legs.”

“Where is he?”

“With his brother, no thanks to you.”

“Is he--? Is everyone alright?”

Crowley raised his eyebrows and clenched his jaw, turning to play with the many pokey things in his ornate beverage. “I thought we had ironed out the kinks, once you left it was just the King and his trusty Knight. But he is no longer the brave little soldier daddy shaped him into, now he is a loose canon and, God willing, Sam is the only one who can sort that clusterfuck.”

“If he doesn’t kill him first,” you hissed into your shot glass.

“If you’re so worried about Moose, why don’t you scurry along. They’ll be home before you can find another payphone.”

You side-eyed the pair trying to interject, they each took a step back as you pushed out the stool and stood up. There was a lot you could have said in that moment, but none of it could fix what Dean had broken, especially not what was left of Crowley’s heart. Yours was all you could divine and that only left you chasing your tail. Crowley needed to move on, and Hell needed to be run, whether it by force or commerce. When the unique tingling started in your gut you smiled in gentle gratitude, his hand came up and you were gone before you even heard the snap.

*^*

‘Soul Survivor’

The Bunker’s dungeon

“Well, aint that the whore calling the kettle black,” Dean raised his eyebrows, accenting his demon pitch eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sam huffed.

“You gonna tell him, or show him,” Dean stared you down until a goosebump-inducing sneer spread across his features. “Miss Collins is not home right now, can rando demon bitch take a message?”

You tried not to flinch, but the insult stacked on top of the unceremonious reveal left you feeling exposed, dirty even. “Yeah, yeah, big deal, jackass,” you snipped, jutting your chin at Dean’s restrained form. “I’d worry about my own self if I was you.”

“No, CC wouldn’t let that happen, not after all those months,” Sam gaped, he was a better liar than you thought. “She wouldn’t let something like you back in unless you forced her.” Maybe he wasn’t completely acting.

Dean started laughing. “You guys wanna take a minute? I mean it’s always a treat watching the grown ups fight, but—”

“You, shut up,” Sam growled at Dean. “And you,” he hissed over his shoulder, “stop talking, you make me sick.”

“Don’t get all self-righteous on me Sam, I mean, all of us here have fucked a demon. Or two,” you left off on a sigh. The younger Winchester recoiled; mouth pinched as if you had slapped him across the face.

“She’s got you there, don’t she?” Dean smirked now. You had grown to hate what he had become, even if he was backing you up.

“Are you working for Crowley?! Have you been--” Sam grabbed the bottle of Holy Water in his good hand, pointing the opening at you while he focused his tunnel vision.

“Not a Crowley stooge,” you held up your hands in surrender, trying not to roll your eyes as Sam’s authoritative side took over.  “I don’t have any ulterior motives, I’m not Ruby. I didn’t have an endgame.”

“Just stop bringing her up! This isn’t about who fucked whom, this is about getting my brother back. Is Chloe even alive in there?” Sam’s voice leveled, how he remained focused at all, stumped you.

You nodded. “She’s fine and she is very proud of you right now, if you must know,” you lied to continue the dramatics, ensuring Dean’s over confidence before the plan could continue.

“Awww, wittle Sammy has a cheerleader,” Dean sing-songed.

“Shut up.” Sam snapped. He started sorting through the bags of blood, grabbing a syringe before turning to you. “Are you going to help? Or do I have to exorcise you for good this time?” He spun towards Dean and squared his shoulders. “Buckle up.”

“Sammy, you know I hate shots.”

“I hate demons,” Sam said sadly before tossing holy water in Dean’s face, the demonic grunt escaping his lips as Sam sunk the needle in his brother’s arm. Dose one had been administered. “Look, we got a whole bunch more of these to go. You could make it a lot easier on yourself.”

Sam paused, the olive branch dangling between them. Then Dean shifted, the evil within him fighting the purified blood, impossible bestial cries rang from his body. You swallowed, dumbfounded and truly terrified of him for the first time since the farmhouse. Thankfully, he was restrained. You watched Sam take in Dean’s torment while you waited for the next move.

*^*

It had been hours, Sam sometimes insisting on going in alone, sometimes not bothering to even acknowledge you were tagging along. You couldn’t remember the last time you were this tired: thoughts muted, eyes floating in their sockets, fuzzy limbs kind of tired. But you didn’t dare risk sleep to leave Dean truly alone with Sam, especially an injured Sam. It was during a solo dosage when you started another pot of coffee and turned to head back toward the library when a massive hand clamped down over your mouth. Instinct kicked in and you pushed back with every physical or psychic force you could muster.

Instantly you were free, a large crash and strangled moan cut off behind you. Sam dragged himself off the floor with fire in his eyes.

“He’s out,” he whispered, pulling himself to his feet. You took him in, pale and gawky, CC’s alarm threading through your veins with every heartbeat.

“Do you have your knife?”

Sam sniffed and nodded, chewing on the thought of stabbing his brother. You silently worked out the flanking of searching the Bunker, letting Sam take the lead. CC started to buckle in, her thoughts louder than they had been in months. You reached out with your senses, trying to feel him, but what warding there was against you was enough to dull his resonance. You unsheathed CC’s knife and started moving five paces behind Sam. He grabbed the spare keys from a drawer when an unmistakable voice rattled through the halls.

“Come on, Sammy! Don’t you want to hang out with your big brother? Bring the bitch along, hell we can share her.”

Your insides froze with the menace in his voice. Then you were kicked out of the driver’s seat with a speed and finality you couldn’t comprehend.

*^*

CC had let this go on long enough; she shook out her hands and settled back into control over her body like an alumni walking the well-worn halls of their education, both foreign and familiar with an undercurrent buzzing beneath the surface. She spun her blade and tossed it to the opposite hand, a once flawless motion was now almost too easy. She snorted back a giggle at the feeling of being real and present once more, like a chest full of fresh air and warm laundry all in one go. Then reality pressed in and she leaped into action.

The instant the emergency lights flared overhead; CC bolted back the way you came knowing that Dean knew where the breakers were. Sam followed none the wiser as Dean continued to mock praise him. One second, he was an arm’s length behind her and the next he was gone. Quietly, she back tracked as Sam slammed the door to the Electrical room and locked it.

“Are you serious?!” CC gaped at Sam as he stood listening through the door, knife at the ready but still so optimistic.

“… I know you’re still in there somewhere. Just let me finish the treatments. Dean?”

The first chunk of the door flew at Sam’s face, sending him on his heels and into CC’s bubble.

“You act like I want to be cured! Personally, I like the disease.” Dean’s eyes glinted through the holes he had pounded through the door. Gaps between the boards like a toothpick prison crumbling with each swing.

“I don’t want to have to use this blade on you!” Sam was desperate, begging and it hurt CC to witness it. He was the little brother again and though she hadn’t known him as a child, she knew the real Dean would never be able to dismiss his brother’s pleas. She pulled Sam away from the line of fire, readying her own knife and bracing herself for his inevitable escape. “No, what are you doing?! You can’t use that on him!”

“Shut up, Tweedle Dumb, just let a girl work.”

“Chloe?”

She cocked her head and locked eyes on the thing bursting from the door: show time.

“Well, well, well, look who wants to play hero.” Dean swung again, punctuating his taunts with his hammer. “It’s my lucky day. I’ve been blessed, because there is just enough demon in me to kill your meatsuit, finally free you up to be all you. Can. Be. Then, I’m gonna kill my brother and you’re gonna watch.”

CC felt Sam dive behind her as Dean stepped through the remnants of the door. He glanced impatiently as she mirrored his movements, shielding Sam without giving Dean a path. “You know what, asshole? You can take your threats and shove ‘em. You wanna dance? Let’s dance, just me and whatever you are anymore.”

Sam raced back to the dungeon, searching for anything that could give them the upper hand. Sam didn’t want to risk them killing each other in his absence, but he hoped their slightly even footing would buy him the time he needed.

“Hiya, Chloe, nice to see you again. She smoke out? Couldn’t handle Sam’s bitch face?”

“Nope, got her packed away for safe keepin’, too bad you can’t say the same.” CC shifted her weight, swiping widely and slicing the edge of his shirt. Dean caught her by the wrist, twisting her knife hand above their heads.

“You’re missing my point. This? Lean, mean Dean? Here to stay, Sweetheart.” She glanced up at his grip on her and her weapon and without flinching she kicked out his knee, throwing them both against the wall she broke out of his grasp, the hammer thudded to the floor. He grasped her hair in one deft fist fall, before kneeing her in the kidney. She buckled, falling against him. Dean stepped back and kicked her once in the side until she fell, curling in on herself. Carefully he kneeled at her side, with the hand still in her hair he lifted her ear to his lips and whispered, “stay down or I’ll put you down.”

CC thrashed against him, hurling herself against him as hard as she could. She managed to rock him onto his ass, but he took her roots with him, pulling with all of his might. She screamed as he groaned in satisfaction. She jabbed him in the ribs with the handle of her blade, when he spun them both. His thick thighs pinned her beneath him, as she tried to flip him off of her chest. Dean rolled his hips, his cock rutting against her tits as he held her wrists, twisting them down. She caved on the edge of a fracture, moving the joints with his control, unwilling to risk that sort of handicap. With her knife lost in the tussle, Dean inhaled deeply and grinned down at CC in sickening triumph.

CC swallowed as she felt the rigidness in his jeans, he leaned in, crushing her with his weight, her breath pushed from her lungs like the final tuft of bubble wrap. He watched her struggle; her eyes bulged, and color left her face. Dean rocked into her soft breasts, relishing in the lethargic shift of her weight beneath him. Finally, the creak and crunch of her bones rippled from the force of his increased strength. As the light faded from her eyes an acidic cascade fell over his head and back. He howled, digging his heels into her ribcage, which granted reprieve from the pressure on her chest.

“Let her go!”

Another barrage of holy water hit Dean and he fell to the side of CC’s body, boots kicking wildly as he tried to stand. He screamed and lunged for the hammer. Sam held his knife up, terrified at what he had to do.

“Well look who decided to join us. Ready to play, Sammy?”

Sam stepped forward, trying not to be distracted with the way Chloe’s body remained unnaturally still. Dean looked him dead in the eyes and jumped forward, psyching Sam a little and then swung, landing the hammer in the plaster just behind where Sam’s face had been. The Kurdish blade kissed Dean’s throat, but he knew he hadn’t lost.

“Well, look at you. Do it,” Dean taunted. He watched Sam’s surprise melt into submission. As Sam dropped the blade and Dean let his eyes flood black, three things happened: Dean stepped toward Sam in certain victory, Chloe gasped to life in their periphery, a startling golden glow radiating over her chest and neck and Castiel’s arms caged Dean in place, the power of his stolen grace containing the demon.

“It’s over. Dean, it’s over.”

Next Chapter: The Ending You Expected

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

21 Supernatural Questions

Thanks to @sammit-janet for helping me procrastinate tonight!

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

Early December, 2014. I’d been sick for a month, already, and had run out of other shows I wanted to watch. I decided to watch that show that Misha Collins was on that my goddaughters used to watch. I got through 9.5 seasons by Christmas. That first hellatus was awful, and it’s how I got into the fandom. I needed more, found con videos, then fan fiction, and the rest is history!

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

It depends on the day. I usually say I’m Winchester-sexual, angel-curious!

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

Ugh. I don’t dislike any of them (though I miss BAMF early-seasons Cas who didn’t bleed much and could do things regular hunters couldn’t like see demons’ faces). If I had to rank them, I probably obsess over Cas the least.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.

You’d ask me who my favorite children were, too, wouldn’t you? Not falling for that!

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

You’re killing me. You’re really killing me. I CAN’T PICK. Chuck? Donna? Jody? Rowena? I love John and Mary, but I don’t get squishy when I watch them on the show. Charlie? I literally squealed and frightened my husband when we saw AU!Charlie the first time. Ellen? There are too many and you can’t make me pick!!

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Donna. She kicks ass and calls it butt.

7. John or Mary?

Gonna quote @sammit-janet directly, cuz she said it well: “Both.  I know people hate one or the other, but you cannot look at these parents with real-world glasses.  John had the mother of his children burned on the ceiling and he had no fucking clue about the Supernatural until then.  Once he did, he was on a mission to find whatever killed his wife.

“Mary made a deal to save the man she loved.  She would have stopped Azazel that night in the nursery too, but Michael erased her memory.  Now that she’s come back, well, don’t you think it’s a little disorienting to spend 32 years in heavenly bliss and then get thrust back down to earth and find out her children are living the exact life she didn’t want them to?

“Also, don’t forget, EVERYTHING was stacked against them.  Heaven made 100% sure that they got together just so Sam and Dean could be born and play out the apocalypse.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Sam: Tall, but the hair, and he’s a baby, I feel like a pedophile.

Dean: Older, still tall, wiseass, heart of gold, if he loves pie, I’m a goner!

Cas: HOLY FUCK.

Jack: If he’s good, I will hold him and love him and squeeze him and call him George. If he’s evil, I will cut him down with the flames of a thousand burning suns.

9. What’s your favorite season?

I really don’t have one. I have seasons I love more, and seasons I love less, but none are my favorites. The writing in the beginning was tighter, and felt like there was an end coming, which made it more electric. But I really love watching the boys grow and change and make better, smarter decisions, or make stupid decisions for bigger, better reasons. I dislike the degradation of angel powers, though. I mean, remember when Cas could smite an entire diner of monsters or demons with just a bright light, but this season he was beaten to pulp by a demon gang? And now that Heaven’s gates are all open, can Cas fly, again? I mean, they couldn’t fly because the closed gates cut them off from Heaven, but now the gates are open, so LET CAS FLY, DAMMIT.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Season 7, although that season does have an inordinate amount of things I like about it, so it makes no sense. Story-wise, I get it. They had to systematically take away everything the boys valued in order to leave Sam the destroyed mess he was when Dean and Cas disappeared. I don’t like it when my boys hurt, but I understand why they did it. On the other hand, season 7 gave us Charlie, and Frank, and Garth, and Kevin, and numerous dick jokes, and Sam tied to a bed, and Cas naked on Dean’s car covered in bees. So torn, but when I rewatch the series, I take a deep breath when I start season 7. (During my most recent rewatch, I also took a breath when Toni Bevell came onto my screen, so I guess I now put 12 in with 7.)

11. Opinions on Destiel?

Canon - Dean is straight. He’s said multiple times he doesn’t swing that way. I wouldn’t object if the writers decided to change that, but I respect Jensen and the writers in their decision not to go that way. There are more and more diverse characters on our screen every year, and I’m okay with letting Dean be a cis het white male who loves women of all kinds. I would love if they did a Human!Impala episode and the Impala turned out to be John Barrowman, though. On the other hand, Cas is completely unconcerned with gender and sexuality, so I wouldn’t mind seeing him have a romantic thing with a guy. Pretty sure that would break the fandom, though, so not holding my breath.

Fanon - Holy cheeseballs, that boy swings harder than an old-time saloon door, and I love reading about him being so open to everyone. Give me all the guys banging Dean like a screen door in a hurricane. Dean is all the door metaphors and memes, including the memes about Cas loving to destroy doors. Show me these two idiots falling in love any way you got it. They were roommates, you say? YES. There was only one bed, you say? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. Dean’s a fireman and Cas is a nurse? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME??? BRING IT.

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

Not intentionally, or maliciously, but I can see why some folks might think that, sometimes. It’s a fine line the show writers have to balance on when it comes to scenes with Dean and Cas because of the fandom’s obsession with Destiel. They want to show the love between the two characters as brothers, but it can’t be too much love. (However, I sometimes wonder about certain things. I would love to sit down with Jensen, Jerry Wanek, and Robbie Thompson, show them certain moments, and ask why certain decisions were made regarding framing, editing, props, and such. If they weren’t thinking Destiel, what were they thinking??)

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

You’re asking me to pick my kids, again. 1-7 is Kripke writing, 8-11 is Robbie Thompson writing, NO NO NO YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DECIDE.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

Crowley

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

YES. I’m cool with watching Nick progress into a big bad, but keep Lucifer in The Empty. (I just had a wild thought about The Empty, Lucifer, and The Shadow coming for Jack. Lord, I hope I’m wrong.)

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

Quoting Sammit again: “Sam.  He found out he had demon blood in him, was one of Azazel’s “chosen”, died by being stabbed in the back, went to hell for 100 years, lost his soul, was driven mad by Lucifer, almost died doing the trials, was possessed by Gadreel…did i leave anything out?”

Dean and Cas have also had their share, but if you want to quantify it, I think Sam has had more. 

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

Baby, Dog Dean Afternoon, Don’t Call Me Shurley, most of the other episodes writing by Robbie Thompson, too.

18. Do you like case episodes?

They are a nice breather in between the episodes where I can’t sit back for  moment.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

I switch back and forth between Dean and Sam. I relate to Sam wanting to go to college to get away from his family, I relate to Dean’s eating habits, I understand why Sam’s done all the stupid shit he’s done, and I understand Dean not wanting to delve into things because it’s hard. Oh, and I say awesome almost as much as Dean. Cas, though, is a mystery to me. The only time I relate to him is when he’s confused by pop culture references.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

The characters. They’re just so fucking interesting, you know? And (with some notable exceptions) the writers have managed to keep them from getting too far away from who they were in the pilot, while showing them growing and changing and improving. I love the world, I love the fantasy, and I love how universal they all are. I mean, if you took characters from another show and put them in a Beach AU, I wouldn’t be able to see it like I can with these characters. They’re awesome.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

Keep Lucifer dead, bring back Frank. I also want to see more of Linda Tran. Or Ellen, though I don’t know what they’d do with her with Mary around. I’d say Crowley, but I know that will never happen, and I understand why, so I’m letting him go.

Tag yourselves!

[apricotcas]

A DEAN/CAS LOOK BACK AT SEASON 11

by charlee aka apricotcas

Hello, welcome, please take a seat, grab a donut. This first started out as me thinking “oh hey I could write down all the deancas moments from the show just to keep track of them all!” But then I started adding captions to each moment and well it turns out I sure had a whole lot to say. So I’m putting this out into the world in case maybe?? someone else would enjoy it in some way. And this turned out way longer than I expected so please strap in for some nonsense.

(Starting with season 11 for now because some of my favourite less-talked-about moments are from then and also *taps mic* because I feel like it.)

SEASON 11, EPISODE 1: OUT OF THE DARKNESS, INTO THE FIRE

~20:00 DEAN: “You don’t sound okay.” / DEAN: “Oh, really? You’re worried about me after everything --.”

Cas is under the attack dog spell, Dean’s stuck in a hospital trying to save a baby from rabid zombies. Cas calls, and when he finds out that the Mark of Cain has finally been destroyed, he looks like all his problems melt away and who in the world told him he could do that. Then Cas has to hang up abruptly, as if he doesn’t know that Dean already has a complex about this.

28:20 DEAN: “We can’t save Cas if we’re stuck in some hospital, okay?

This is self-explanatory but I just love how Sam and Dean are already dealing with two million things and Dean is still like “Cas’ voice sounded two octaves lower than usual and he hung up on me unexpectedly. This is a case for the FBI.”

SEASON 11, EPISODE 2: FORM AND VOID

8:40 DEAN: “Come on, Cas.”

Dean’s driving back from dropping off innocent Baby Amara and he gives Cas a call, but Cas can’t answer at the moment since the angels have him strung up like a piñata. Really upsetting stuff altogether.

26:50 CASTIEL (to Efram and Jonah): “I won’t give you Sam and Dean.”

I’m a sucker for this shit leave me alone.

~39:00 CASTIEL: “Help me.”

Sam and Dean get back to the bunker, which is a hot mess after the whole useless Styne family debacle. They hear a noise behind a giant pile of books and approach the threat with their guns drawn but surprise! It’s just Cas having a little lie down. Dean’s very taken aback, there’s dramatic music, the whole shebang.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 3: THE BAD SEED**

(**This entire episode is bad news bears and we’re not even going to TALK about who directed it.)

3:16 DEAN: “Sorry about those, Cas” / DEAN: “Cas, you alright there pal?”

Sam, Dean, and spell-affected Cas are in the war room, and Cas is in shackles since there’s a good chance he might hulk out. Dean’s sad because when he pictured Cas + handcuffs, this wasn’t exactly what he had in mind. (sorry.) Then, Cas gets all huffy and shaky and pained, which elicits concern from Dean. Please note the concerned glances. Thank you.

8:45 SAM: “... involving a crappy a crappy ‘78 Continental Mark V.” / CASTIEL: “You think it’s crappy?” / DEAN (reassuring): “Eye of the beholder.”

#TheContinentalDeservedBetter

9:30 DEAN: “Cas?!” [repeat like 14 times] / DEAN: “Let’s get him up.”

Cas is having a REAL rough time and collapses to the ground. Lots of touchy feelies on Dean’s part. There’s a tomato analogy. Sam and Dean hoist him back into his chair, and Dean wraps the blanket back around Cas’ shoulders. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

27:30 SAM: “I can’t find Cas. He broke free. He’s gone.” / OUTER DEAN: “What?” / INNER DEAN: [kill bill sirens]

35:10 DEAN: “Don’t do this. Okay, this isn’t you it’s the spell. You can beat this!” / DEAN: “It’s gonna be okay buddy, alright.”

So Sam and Dean track Cas’ phone, and Dean ends up running into him as he’s choking out a girl who was just texting and walking and never asked for this. And Cas has literally been programmed to kill, but Dean’s able to break his trance and get him to stop - wow what a revelation, we’ve never seen anything like this before. THEN. Cas pummels Dean in the face a few times for good measure. But hallelujah, Rowena shows up in the nick of time and reverses the attack dog spell. Cas gets all growly again and writhes on the ground, so obviously Dean has to grab onto him and say his name a million times and hold his head in his hand???? And then Cas opens his eyes, Dean helps him sit up, and Dean’s fingers are stroking Cas’ hair and it honest to god looked like they were gonna make out. When I was watching this live I genuinely thought they were about to kiss each other on the mouths. Can you believe this shit.

(P.S. Please note how Sam has to literally look away and avert his virgin eyes during this part.)

37:15 CASTIEL: “Dean I .. there aren’t words.” / DEAN: “You’re right, there aren’t words, Cas, because there’s no need.” / CASTIEL: “Dean, I can fix that.” / DEAN: “No, no, no, no, it’s fine, Cas. Besides, I had it comin’.”

God this scene messes me up. Just the silent acknowledgement of the fight between them at the end of season 10 and their absolute respect and forgiveness for one another. This episode is hell.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 4: BABY

1:20 SAM: “Cas is gettin’ better so there’s that. Still wants to fix your, uh, -” / DEAN: “I’m fine. Fine. 100%.”

Just the implication that Cas has been insisting over and over to heal Dean’s injuries, to the point where Sam has noticed. And Dean says he has cabin fever which means it’s been a substantial amount of time since 11x03. Anyways. Anyways.

~3:00 DEAN: “Cas, you’ve got one job to do and that’s to heal, you understand?” / DEAN: “He just needs some time, y’know.”

Cool cool cool cool for sure for sure for sure for sure.

8:20 SAM: “You don’t .. ever want something more? [...] You don’t ever think about .. something? Not marriage, or, whatever, but .. something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?”

Not even getting into how fast Dean dismisses this, just, honestly, what an incriminating question, coming from Sam, who’s been around Dean longer than anyone else. Who wrote this line. I see you, Robbie. I just wanna talk.

18:25 DEAN: “I called Cas, told him to look into the lore.”

Damn right ya did.

21:54 DEAN: “Step away from the Netflix.” / CASTIEL: “Sorry.” / DEAN: “It’s okay, we’ve all had a binge.” // DEAN: “Alright Cas, you there?” / CASTIEL: “Of course, what’s going on?” / DEAN: “[..] I’m sending you a picture right now of its fangs.” ((wow I love modern romance.))

The best possible scene lacking Cas’ physical presence. The crème de la crème. Dean’s checking out the crime scene of the week when he’s summoned back to the Impala by Cas’ phone call. Also, okay, just quickly, Dean answers by saying “Cas, you okay?” and……. you two’ve literally been corresponding back and forth for the past two days about this case, so Dean should assume that that’s what Cas is calling to tell him about, but instead he goes HELLO CAS ARE YOU INJURED OR IN DISTRESS OF ANY KIND. I might be reading into this too much.

Dean and Cas commiserate over the downfalls of Netflix and talk lore for a bit until Mr. Deputy shows up and Dean leaves Cas on speaker in the car to talk to himself. How often does this shit happen. Was Cas just in a chatty mood that day or have there been other times where Cas just babbles on and Dean is cool to sit and listen and that’s an accepted thing between them. Ugh, frankly. Also Cas says “were-pire” and do you know how much Dean Winchester would have appreciated hearing this holy CHRIST. Then in a shocking turn of events, the deputy who is actually a monster tries to murder Dean’s face, and I’ll just count how many times Cas yells out Dean’s name in various degrees of concern - it’s 12 times. That’s the total. *kisses fingers* love this scene.

27:45 DEAN: “Alright, well, thanks Cas. Good work, way to come off the bench.” / CASTIEL: “What bench?”

Hello knock knock mr. clingy is calling again.

39:55 DEAN: “We’ll get Cas to fix you up.” / SAM: “Only if he fixes you up too.”

[takes long sip of whiskey] beautiful wholesome family moments.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 5: THIN LIZZIE

~3:30 DEAN (Re: the case): “So what do you want to do about Cas?”

Yes I do plan to include crumbs on this list.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 6: OUR LITTLE WORLD

3:15 DEAN (to Sam): “[Cas] has had a pretty rough go of it lately!” / DEAN (to Cas): “Well, you sound weird, okay. Bad weird. [...] I need you back in the game okay.”

*banging pots and pans together* I love this part to death - Sam is saying what we say every episode, that hey maybe Cas our angel friend would be helpful with this case - but Dean is like ??? this is preposterous Sam didn’t you see him punch me in the face?? would he have done that if he was feeling 100%????? He Needs Rest So Shut It. Sam wins this round though, and is able to make Dean stop mother henning and call up Cas, who’s at the bunker on a trash TV binge. Dean tries to make him feel better, distinguishes Cas’ exact mood over the phone which like, okay., and then tells him to try to get some fresh air and look for Metatron. Then he promptly hangs up before this scene can get any more domestic.

5:30 (there’s no new quotes it’s just Cas breathing heavy and looking sad)

Heeding Dean’s advice, Cas dons his coat and tries to leave the comfort of the bunker. But, he’s stopped in his tracks by some wild flashbacks, including from when he was beating up Dean in 11x03 AND when Dean had the mark and tore Cas to shreds a bit at the end of last season. WHAT do I make of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cas is still haunted by what happened when Dean had the MOC and even though I’m sure he never once blamed Dean for that fight, it must mess you up a bit to have your closest companion™ slam your face into a table and smash you around the room!!!!! Not the sexy kind of smashing!!!!!!!!!!! AND Cas must feel so guilty for what he did to Dean under the attack dog spell ……….. saddest cinematic parallels that I never asked for thx so much.

37:45 DEAN: “ Look Cas, I’m as glad as anyone that Stella got her groove back,” / SAM: “Guys.. bigger fish to fry here.” (lol poor sam)

Really the only things to note here are the married bickering and the amount of time that Dean and Cas stare at each other at the end of this scene for no godly reason.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 10: THE DEVIL IN THE DETAILS

7:20 CASTIEL: “Dean. I came as soon as you called. Are you alright?” / CASTIEL: “Stick out your tongue.”

I’m eating as a type this so I won’t go into detail here but Dean’s on the side of the road and he ain’t feeling too hot, but thank the lord above, nurse Cas shows up and offers to stick his finger up Dean’s ass.

14:54 DEAN [to Cas’ voicemail] Hey Cas, I know you’re fightin’ the good fight right now but I need you at 3rd and Pine, Kenesaw, Nebraska. Cause, uh, I’m goin’ to Hell.”

I say “Here for!” you say “this!”

29:30 tfw your bud shows up in Hell with the words “I am coming” branded onto his chest.

31:50 - Sam’s getting his ass whooped by Lucifer in the cage, which sends Dean into a full-out sprint through the hallways of Hell. And ofc Cas follows since there’s no way he’s gonna make Dean endure Mark Pellegrino’s face without moral support.

32:40 - Lucifer poofs Dean and Cas into the cage, and I’m no mind reader but the two of them share a look and Dean for sure telepathically told Cas to go ham on this heaven reject. Dean ends up in a chokehold but Cas hurls himself right into Lucifer and gets him out of it which was A++. And then, unbeknownst to Sam and Dean, Cas makes a very hashtag controversial decision and turns this whole season around.

35:40 DEAN [to Casifer]: “You alright?” / DEAN: “Want me to give you a lift?”

Oh Dean Honey You Don’t Even Know. I can’t for sure if Dean is asking whether Cas is okay because he just got obliterated by the devil or because he might already sense that Cas is acting slightly off, but like, both. Both work. And y’all have a big storm comin.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 11: INTO THE MYSTIC

3:50 DEAN (to Sam): “Cas will be fine. He always is.”

[nervous laughter]

17:40 DEAN: “Cas?? What the hell are you doing, man? We don’t hear from you for days, you show up, you start wrecking the joint?” // CASIFER: “Dean, tell me everything.”

Dean and Sam are hunting banshees because of course they are, so Dean has to stop by the bunker to grab some required weapons. He hears suspicious noises and goes into fight mode, but relaxes when he finds it’s just his dear friend Cas trashing the place, which is a thing that Cas would definitely do there’s nothing weird about this. But really, Dean you bozo how many times have you seen Cas with his sleeves rolled up, how do you not realize something is up here.

25:15  DEAN: “Whatever it is - attraction, connection - I gotta tell you man, it scares me.” / CASIFER: “Hey, it scares me too.”

Of course one of the rare times that Dean actually opens up (about Amara, who he hasn’t even really talked about with Sam yet !!!), Cas is off in la la land. We Could’ve Had It All. Also I know this isn’t really Cas but the shoulder clutch and meaningful stares here were real nice okay. Also big lol at the fact that, solely based on Lucifer’s limited observations, this is how he thinks Cas would act around Dean. Sincere and reassuring and grabby. Cool it’s fine. It’s great.

27:30 DEAN [to Casifer]: “Listen, about what we talked about, let’s just keep that between you and me til we know more, okay?” / CASIFER: “Dean, that’s not..” / DEAN: “Cas, just… trust me.”

What kind of stealthy gay tomfoolery is this.

35:40 MILDRED (to Dean): “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years on the road, it’s when somebody’s pining for somebody else. Oh don’t try and hide it now. Follow your heart, remember!”

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright this isn’t EXPLICiTLY deancas but someone EXPLAIN the meaning behind this line i just need CLARITY

SEASON 11, EPISODE 14: THE VESSEL

7:40 DEAN (to Sam): “Yeah, but, we have something that James Cameron doesn’t have.”

Dean loves having a cool powerful time travelling angel friend ok.

10:35 DEAN: “Well if things get out of hand then Cas’ll just zap me right back!”

(for all the casifer scenes its obvs not actually dean/cas Content but you can see reactions from Dean’s side and the thought is still there and that’s all I ask for. anyways.) Sam entrusting Cas to keep Dean safe on their time travel voyage to find the Hand of God. Nice.

12:40 Dean calling out for Cas. Super nice.

30:55 Lucifer imitating how Cas says “Hello Dean” here, thanks cool I’m glad the whole supernatural universe knows about this character trait.

34:40 CASTIEL: “We need him [Lucifer].” / SAM: “No Cas, we don’t.” / CAS: “We need him … to save Dean.”

Cas broke through Lucifer’s hold on him in order to stop Sam from getting hurt (this is the furthest thing from a sastiel post, but, aw) and he explains to Sam that the main reason he isn’t casting Lucifer out at that moment is because they need him to go back and grab Dean. I can’t think about this for too long because I feel like my brain starts will start to sizzle away.

35:13 DELPHINE: “How fast is your ride out of here?” / DEAN: “Fast.”

Nice nice nice nice.

36:25 SAM: “Dean! That’s not Cas!” // INNER DEAN: [ben wyatt calzone voice] “my boyfriend……. betrayed me?”

The cat’s out of the bag, both brothers know that Cas has gone fishing for the moment, Dean’s face revolves between such things as shock and despair and bewilderment, I’ve called the police, they’re on their way, and everything is terrible.

(Side note - Bexy pointed out to me how Dean dramatically yells out NOO when Lucifer goes to activate the Hand of God. Which could be because Dean wanted to save it to use on Amara or because he didn’t want he or Sam to get hurt, OR it could’ve been because he just saw Delphine use it and explode into a ball of life and he didn’t want that to happen to Cas’ vessel. I’m going with the latter and I hope Bexy feels bad about what she’s done here on this day.)

38:30 SAM: “So…” / DEAN: “So…… Cas.” / SAM: “Yeah…. What do we do?” / DEAN: “What else? We hunt Lucifer, trap the bastard, and save Cas.” / SAM: “Like I said, Lucifer may be in control now but, Cas may not come back willingly. You know, he chose it.” / DEAN: “No. No, not possible.”

You cannot tell me Dean wasn’t this →  ← close to crying on that pier. Dean is sad, Sam keeps looking sadly at Dean, I’m sure the birds chirping in the background are also sad. And just the amount of certainty that Dean has that Cas would never leave him like this again. Just Pull The Trigger, Piglet.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 15: BEYOND THE MAT

2:40 SAM: “Don’t you think our plates are a little full? I mean, it’s bad out there Dean.” / DEAN: “Yeah, Sam, you think I don’t know that? We’ve done nothing but mainline lore for a week, okay, [...] and we’ve got jack on how to save Cas.” / SAM: “If he wants to be saved.” / DEAN: He does. Even if he doesn’t know it yet.” -overly prolonged pause-

*pours this big bottle of angst all over my naked body* DEAN STILL CAN’T ACCEPT THAT CAS SAID YES TO LUCIFER he really cannot comprehend this information because he doesn’t want to believe that Cas could ever have such a low opinion of himself. He’s had a week to process this and he’s only become more convinced that it can’t be real and Cas just needs his help. Sam I’m so sorry you have to deal with this emo man.

39:45 SAM: “Dean, you know what, he [dead wrestler dude] made a bad decision. Heh, we’ve been there.” / DEAN: “Yeah. Yeah, you, me, now Cas.” / SAM: “Dean, we’ll get him back. We will, we just gotta--” / DEAN: “Keep grindin. [...] We’re gonna save Cas, we’re gonna ice the devil, and we’re gonna shank the Darkness. And anyone who gets in our way. Well, God help em.”

Alright I really just want to talk to whomever directed this/was in charge of focusing in on Sam’s face, when he has such a look of empathy of understanding towards Dean. Dean was the one who insisted on taking this case to clear his head but it’s clear that this Lucifer business is still weighing on him. And Sam knows exactly what to say to reassure him. And saving Cas is on the same priority level as saving the literal world in Dean’s mind, apparently, because that’s reasonable.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 16: SAFE HOUSE

2:17 SAM (to Dean): “Alright, nothing on Amara, nothing on Cas…. keep your head up! We’re gonna win this, remember?”

Sam you’re doing amazing sweetie good pep talk.

11:00 DEAN: ”We can wrap this up quick, get back to hunting Amara …. Get Cas back!”

Big thumbs up emoji.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 17: RED MEAT

1:25 SAM: “It’s a case. Werewolves, looks like.” / DEAN: “Alright, well, we make a call and we put somebody on it.” / SAM: “Yeah, but -- (sam sighs in sam way) We’ll get him back.” / DEAN: “.... how?”

This MIGHT! it just MIGHT be my favourite moment of the season ok hear me out - Dean’s sitting around being mopey and uninterested in life and Sam immediately just goes I KNOW U WANT CAS BACK, like Sam went IN here, he’s got one of those stadium spotlights and he’s shining it right on Dean’s sad stormcloud of mushy man feelings. And Dean doesn’t even try to deny it, his question of “How?” is so defeated and he doesn’t even want to HUNT at this point good god. It’s fine it’s just that snakes have been manifesting in my house physically ever since I started typing this.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 18: HELL’S ANGEL

15:00 SAM: “The priority is to put the horn in Lucifer’s hands and set him loose on Amara.” / DEAN: “After we exorcise Lucifer out of Cas and put him into a new vessel.” / SAM: “What? Really?” / DEAN: “Yes, really, we’re not gonna send Lucifer into battle inside Cas. What if he doesn’t make it?” / SAM: “Dean, it’s a strong vessel. It’s held Cas for years, and we know what he’s been through! I’m guessing it can hold Lucifer.” / DEAN: “It? It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam, it’s Cas.” / SAM: “And Cas wanted to do this!” // SAM: “Dean, this is exactly how we screw ourselves. We make the- the heart choice, instead of the smart choice!” / DEAN: “Ohh, okay, thank you Dr. Phil. Cas is family!” / SAM: “Yes, and his choice deserves to be respected!” / DEAN: “Even if it kills him?”

Dean, basically: I see this plan of yours and I raise you this new plan which is 400% more complicated but has a better chance of keeping Cas alive. This is the plan now and I’m glad everyone agrees with it.

Furthermore,

25:10 DEAN:”Castiel, show yourself!”/ CASTIEL: “Dean? What are you doing? What’s- what’s going on?” / DEAN: “Cas, listen to me. We don’t have a whole lot of time, okay, you have got to--” // DEAN: “Cas, expel him! You gotta kick Lucifer out, you hear me?!”

Everybody stay calm everybody stay fucking calm. Okay okay okay okay. Let me just count again - 8 times, is how many times Dean yells out for Cas here. He, Sam, Crowley, and Rowena set up this trap to get Lucifer out of the way for a few moments and apparently everyone is just peachy with letting Dean take the reins on this one - and BOY does he not hold back. How his whole demeanor changes once Cas takes control of his vessel, and Dean just rushes forward and his voice gets all soft :) and maybe the worst of it all is when Dean is so frustrated that he YELLS out Cas’ name and Lucifer YELLS it right back and everyone involved with this episode reaches through my television screen and physically slaps me in the face. Cursed scene, 0/10 would recommend, I give it no stars and I’m calling my lawyer.

29:20 CASTIEL: “Wait that was Dean I saw a minute ago, wasn’t it?” / CROWLEY: “Yes!” / CASTIEL: “And he wants me to… expel Lucifer?” / CROWLEY: “Yes!” / CASTIEL: [chuckles] “Well… he may have a more objective view of this situation. Maybe I should.”

So Cas is in his mind palace disassociating (sherlock fans do not engage) and Crowley smoked on in there to try to fix this mess. And just, like, okay Cas you absolute walnut have you seen how Dean is out there practically painting the walls with his insecurities Do You Really Think He Is The One Thinking Rationally In This Instance???? These guys really are two peas in a pod since their brains turn to mush whenever the other is in trouble smfh.

30:40 SAM: “[Crowley’s] been gone a long time. I mean, what do you think is going on?” / DEAN: “I don’t know, maybe Cas isn’t willing to play ball. I mean, you said it yourself, he wanted this.” // DEAN: “C’mon, Cas, what the hell.”

Dean needs a stress ball a cold drink and maybe a massage all at once.

36:05 DEAN (once more with feeling): “Cas??”

It’s clear to everyone and their aunt Linda that Lucifer has full control of things at the moment, and now even Amara has joined the party, but Dean is like MAYBE IF I YELL OUT CAS’ NAME JUST ONE MORE TIME THAT’LL DO THE TRICK. OKAY HERE GOES I’M DOING IT. dean ……………………. sweet summer child it’s okay he’ll be back in T-minus 5 episodes.

37:25 SAM: “Listen, um… I know I came down on the side of wanting Cas to deal with Amara, so--” / DEAN: “Well that’s what he wanted though, right? Besides, didn’t we say that we were gonna swear off gettin’ in the way when one person makes a choice the other doesn’t agree with?” / SAM: “Yeah… um, yeah we did say that.” / DEAN: “So..” / SAM: “Okay. So, that’s our policy. DEAN: “Which.. Sounds damn good.” …….. “Well, let’s go find that idiot and bring him home.” (H-O-M-E!!)

Asdfedfhbjsdahbdfvbjhfjdb so I’ll admit it originally took me a bit to figure out what tf was happening here but FROM MY UNDERSTANDING Sam, Dean, and Cas have a lil pact to stop sabotaging each other’s wishes, even if they think the other party is being a dumbass. So Sam and Dean are clarifying this, it’s cool, it’s settled, and Dean just up and says “lol forget everything we have to go save this moron.” ?????? COOL let’s just throw the family code of ethics OUT the window along with my last ounce of sanity.

IN ADDITION, during this whole end-of-the-episode-sad-reflection time, the way that Sam pauses and sighs and looks over at Dean with a frowny face, before pretty much apologizing TO DEAN for not taking the long road to save Cas asap - it’s so…….. damning to me. Dean is still radiating sad boy vibes and everyone’s treating him like Cas’ keeper here. Not to say of course that Sam doesn’t value Cas immensely, but it’s just so CLEAR that Sam and Dean have different relationships with Cas and different extents of emotional attachment to him. Anyone who can’t see that can have my coupons for a free eye exam. They expire in June so chop chop.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 19: THE CHITTERS

2:45 SAM: “Dean, we’ll find Cas, okay, he’s stronger than he looks.” / DEAN: “You know, we gambled with Cas and now Amara has him.” / SAM: “For a reason! Which means he’s still alive!” / DEAN: “I’ve been with Amara. Her beef is with the big guys -- with God, with Lucifer. The small fries, even an angel like Cas, doesn’t even register. And it if meant hurting Lucifer, killing Cas would mean nothing to her.” // SAM: “We’ll catch a break on Cas! We have to, it’s karma!” / DEAN: “You know, karma’s been kicking us in the teeth lately.”

(to the tune of ‘Shots’ by LMFAO) angst! angst! angst angst angst! angst! angst! angst angst angst! angst! angst! angst angst angst! everybodayy!

-----brief intermission to step up on podium----- hi hello yes now we run into beautiful jesse and cesar wonderful guys amazing characters xoxo big fans keep it up guys. i’ve just GOTTA say that after this episode aired there were so many anti-cas/dc fans who said (and still say) that jesse and cesar are mirrors for sam and dean and, okay. i /do/ see how this could be people’s gut response since the two pairs are split up that way in the episode, but Something Just Doesn’t Add Up Here Linda. jesse literally lost his BROTHER who was a huge part of his life and who he would’ve done anything for, and now cesar hunts with him and supports him fully even though they disagree on things. hell, people have even compared jesse’s plaid with dean’s plaid, and cesar’s demeanor with cas’ demeanor, which may be a bit too meta but the jury will allow it. basically dean doesn’t have some other secret brother he would die for (not today, adam activists, just no), he and sam aren’t married, cas is dean’s closest companion other than sam, sam = matty, dean = jesse, cas = cesar. anyways not to get all fandom political but, 1-800-R-U-DUMB, that is all.

19:20 DEAN: “You guys fight just like brothers. Heh, almost as bad as us [he and Sam].” / CESAR: “Well… it’s more like an old married couple.” DEAN: [chuckles] “That’s…….. Oh! So….” / CESAR: “Yeah.” / DEAN: “Okay. That’s….. What’s it like settling down with a hunter?”

Dean. Dean. Why do you want to know this. Blink twice if you’re having a crisis. Dean. Hello.

37:15 DEAN: “I was thinkin, maybe they could give us a hand, with Amara…. y’know, with Cas.”

Dean ultimately doesn’t follow through with this since he doesn’t want to impede on the couple’s happy life, but this is all still very (｡◕‿◕｡).

SEASON 11, EPISODE 20: DON’T CALL ME SHURLEY

4:30 DEAN: “Tell me you’ve got something on Amara.” / SAM: “Uh, it’s a long shot but, clock’s ticking, right. Whatever Amara’s doing to Lucifer…” / DEAN: “Yeah, beatin’ on Cas in the meantime.”

Dean wants his bf back that’s the theme of the whole half of this season I have nothing else to say I’m just figuratively rocking back and forth while laughing.

26:20 METATRON: “But you’ve helped the Winchesters before.” / CHUCK-SLASH-GOD-??: “Helped them?! I’ve saved them! I’ve rebuilt Castiel more times than I can remember.”

So God has brought Cas back to life countless times in order to help Sam and Dean, and I’m guessing he means more than just the “he’ll patch up their wounds” sort of help. Wow that could be read as an innuendo I JUST MEAN THAT CAS IS FAMILY 4EVER AND ALWAYS and it’s SWEET AND NICE.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 21: ALL IN THE FAMILY*

*(the one where dean cries a lot)

8:55 - Okay I can’t remember if we ever got a solid answer on what in the world is happening here but it SEEMS like Amara is using the power of Cas’ heart to locate Dean???? Like really this wasn’t explained but all signs point to gay here, lads.

9:15 AMARA: “You should know this. Lucifer, [God’s] favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.”

Add this to LIST of times that enemies have used Cas or Dean against each other for their own benefit because they know that it’s a surefire way to get through to them!!!!!!!!!!! Amara shows up in weird-vision-form to talk to Dean and she SHOWS him a vision of Cas looking utterly pitiful and Dean’s face is just doing so so so much. Full jaw clench and everything. Everything is awful and I won’t stand for it.

12:05 DEAN: “We’ve gotta find Lucifer before it’s too late.” / SAM: “Too late?” / DEAN: “Amara is… she’s in my head. Hey, I didn’t ask for it, okay. She just showed up. But she’s showing me visions of -- of Lucifer. And by Lucifer, I mean Cas, and he looks like crap, like she’s really doing a number on him.”

SEASON 11, EPISODE 22: WE HAPPY FEW

26:20 O HOLY CHUCK: “After that, it’s Lucifer’s turn. Physical attack, one on one.” / DEAN: “What about.. Cas?” / CASIFER: “Oh, don’t worry. Your pet’s safety is my highest concern. [gets a look from dean] “(rolls eyes) trust me, he’s on board.”

God has brought the whole brigade together to work out how to take down Amara, and of course, Dean “i haven’t voiced my concern for cas in at least five minutes and i’m sure you’re all missing the sound of my voice” Winchester has something to say about this.

27:00 GOD: “I can’t transfer the mark to you, Dean. Sam volunteered.” / DEAN (to Sam): “First Cas is making kamikaze side plans and now you??”

26:35 [Amara flings Casifer against a pillar and banishes Lucifer from Cas’ body.] AMARA: “Goodbye, nephew.” / DEAN, YELLING FROM ACROSS THE ROOM BUT IN A COOL WAY: “Cas!!!”

Good lord who aren’t in heaven in this season over yet I’m about to have an aneurysm.

SEASON 11, EPISODE 23: ALPHA AND OMEGA

0:00 CASTIEL: “Dean.” / DEAN: “Cas?” [[this is the good shit]] “Hey, is that you??” / CASTIEL: “Lucifer is gone. Amara ripped him from my body.”

My pro tip of the day is that the sneak peek version of this scene is way better than the final product ‘cause it doesn’t have weird ominous music in the background. Also it’s easier to access and rewatch over and over, not that I’ve ever done that once ever in my life. So if it’s something you can digest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0FoDhJFFoI. And I don’t even WANT to get into how Dean’s whole demeanor changes when he realizes Lucifer is finally gone after 84 years, or his little smile or the hand on Cas’ shoulder or how his voice gets all soft when he says “c’mon” and helps Cas up. I’m not getting into it.

1:30 [Dean draws his gun.] ROWENA: “So that was a gun in your pocket.” / CASTIEL: [substantial head tilt.] // CROWLEY: “Well, that was a complete and utter dog’s breakfast, wasn’t it?” / CASTIEL: “I didn’t know dogs had breakfast.” / DEAN: “Cas is back.”

6:00 DEAN: “You know what, this isn’t gonna be enough. I better make a [beer run]. No reason to die sober, huh. You want to?” / SAM: “No! I’ll stay here, find our plan B.” / DEAN: “Okay. Cas, come on.”

Me, rubbing my hands together with glee.

ALSO as Sonie pointed out, u very clearly had enough alcohol dean and im sure you had more stashed somewhere you little sneak. real smooth moves.

9:05 DEAN: “How you doing? You good? I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing.” / CASTIEL: “I was just… so stupid.” / DEAN: “No, no, no, it wasn’t stupid. You were right, you were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. Me and Sam wouldn’t have done that.” / CASTIEL: “Well, it didn’t work.” / DEAN: “No, but it was our best shot. And you stepped up.” / CASTIEL: “I was just trying to help.” / DEAN: “Well, and you do help, Cas.” // DEAN: “But you’re always there, you know? You’re the best friend we’ve ever had. You’re our brother, Cas, I want you to know that.”

Yeah I just practically wrote out that entire scene of dialogue but HOW could I not. For literal weeks Dean was saying Cas was a moron for agreeing to this but once Cas is actually back he’s like “no bb that was a good move and you help us all the time, do you need a popsicle i’ll stop this car and get you a popsicle.” And any reassurance of Cas being part of the Winchester’s family and crucial in their lives gets five gold stars from me. Love me some healthy car conversations. Would watch again.

23:50 [Dean has just absorbed the big ball of exploding souls or whatever] CASTIEL: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

Yes I will accept some concerned Cas for a change thank you for this gracious offer.

26:00 CASTIEL: “Dean..” / DEAN: “Cas. [TENDER EMBRACE] Okay. Okay. Alright.” / CASTIEL: “I could go with you.” / DEAN: “No, no, no. No, I’ve gotta do this alone. Listen, if -- when -- when this works, Sam, he’s gonna be a mess. So look out for him, okay. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” / CASTIEL: “Of course.”/ DEAN: [shoulder grab] “Thank you for everything.”

Everyone please grab an inhaler from the bowl and keep passing it around. I! Could! Go! With! You! Bitch!!!!! He doesn’t want Dean to die alone! Dean entrusts Cas with Sam’s care!! I’m the wicked witch of the west and I’m melted and on the floor, hoping the spn writers will stop stepping on me anytime soon.

36:00 CROWLEY: “He did it.” / ROWENA: “He bloody did it.” / CASTIEL: “And Dean?”

The sun has come back to life (i can’t believe this was a real plotline) which means Dean must’ve gone through with his sacrifice. Boy do I love ending things on a sad note, but I guess that sure is the norm with these two.

which brings me to --- the end ---

If you read this far thank you I love you and you can come pet my dog because her ears are really soft and I think it’s a good reward. This turned into way more of an actual Thing than I thought it would but it was probably cathartic somehow to let this all out somewhere. I don’t know how to wrap this up but this season fed us REAL good even if it had its ups and downs. Pls just remember that the moral of season 11 is that tptb can try to force some dean/female-villain-of-the-year nonsense but deancas will always come through and embarrass me and save the day. Thank you goodnight and amen.

Cross-posted on ao3 if thats more what floats your boat >> https://archiveofourown.org/works/14471232

I’m almost always on twitter at apricotcas pls come say hi and look at good animals and suffer with me every thursday at 8pm eastern standard time.

Lastly big thanks to ms. Bexy for keeping me company through this and also just for letting me yell my grievances at her when people are being dumb on the internet ♥♥ and also my lovely twitter friends who will probably see me bump this a lot im really sorry in advance guys youre the best though!!!!