#will call for my head on a stick but yknow. im insane

[slytherinshua]

ALSO THIS PIC GOT ME THINKING….

he’s so hot.

but like braiding his hair or putting little clips n them n he’s just letting you do your thing…. but deep down he’s just melting yknow <\\3 n imagine the boys walking in n i feel like they’d either die from laughter or cuteness how adorable u two are:(

also this is so mean but imagine he’s sitting between your legs on the floor n you’re on the sofa n he won’t stop squirming bc he can’t focus n u tug his hair LMAO

IM BARKING CRYING SCREAMING GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET AND JUMPING OFF A CLIFF UR SO INSANE FOR THIS AXE SKDJSKDKSDS warnings: none?? wc: ~400.

usually theo would say no to anyone touching his hair (trust cause the boys have tried before), but you are the exception to every rule. he doesn't mind when your cuddle session turns to you starting to massage his head and play with his hair. it's actually very relaxing and his eyes are fluttering shut from the sensation. but then he feels a slight tug and winces ever so slightly because he's not used to it. he realizes what you're doing pretty quickly and his heart melts inside. you tell him to sit on the floor, and he's quick to do it because whatever his princess wants.

he can't see it, but he can feel your fingers working to put small braids in his hair, and tying them with the colorful elastics you have on hand. you have bow and butterfly clips as well (he has no idea why you have so many hair things on hand? you didn't even have to get up to get them???) but he lets you have your fun. on the outside he looks annoyed. his eyes are closed and a small pout is on his face. but on the inside he's really enjoying it. he doesn't even mind the slight pull and tug from you securing his hair. you could never really hurt him </3

what he doesn't expect is that the boys would burst through the door a second later and immediately start cackling. intak and keeho are practically falling over each other with giggles and jiung is already snapping pics for blackmailing purposes later. of course theo's eyes flew open the second he heard the door open-- he can't look like he was enjoying it, definitely not-- that would make him look whipped for you or something.

he tries to argue with the boys saying that you forced him into it, but jongseob is having none of fit and constantly teasing him, calling him whipped and a simp. he admits defeat eventually because the last thing he will ever do is deny that he loves you in front of you. maybe he is a simp, because the second he looks in the mirror he realizes how ridiculous he looks. pink bows littered all over his silky black hair, braids sticking out in every direction. but he's so soft on the inside because you decorated his head with love. so he keeps it in for the rest of the day, even if keeho starts laughing at him every time he sees him sjdksd.

↳ p1harmony taglist (bolded could not be tagged): @eternalgyu,, @kangtaehyunzzz,, @amara-mars,, @nyukyusnz,, @blossominghunnie,,

@wccycc,, @seunghancore,, @heavenfilm,, @sobun1est,, @bananabubble,,

@talkingsaxy,, @cupidslovearrows,, @50-husbands,, @hursheys,, @kristianities,,

@stannwjnss,, @gong-fourz

[dreamdripdistance]

LET'S GET HARD FOR SHINEE (shinee's new comeback album review!!!!)

i love shinee so much lets fucking goe

hard: oh LETS FUCKING GO!!!!! sooooo retro, i love the interesting textures and everything, all the experimental samples make it soooo shinee to me, its like 'dont call me' but Expanded, i love it !!! the "WE GO, WE GO- WE GO HARD!" is SOOOO 'kick it' nct 127 lmao, but its soooo groovy and it sets up the mood of the album soooo well. getting hard with shinee in 2023 babey ‼️

juice: 10/10 SORRY THIS IS THE BEST SONG OF THE YEAR, i know this is gonna be such a polarising opinion but i love this so much. its SO FUN and SO SILLY i love the lil flip phone beep thing in the back of the post chorus "you got the, you got the juice", and the vocal samples all through the song r so fun, and the breakdown bit?? augh so groovy this song absolutely rules, you can absolutely tell how its produced by the same guy who did "dont call me" in their last cb lmao (im gonna have the "i think you liiiike me i think you liiiiike me-" stuck in my head)

10x: ohhhhh groovy... i dont know why but this didnt stick with me the first time i listened to it but i looooove the choppy piano, and the "ten times-" chorus is HEAVENLYYY . unfortunately it is vaguely similar enough to a song that plays all the time at my work, so i cant listen to it for very long without my body subconsciously revolting, but its SOOO GOOD

satellite: i thought the intro was gonna lead to something completely different? for some reason? i like this though!!! it almost feels like it couldve been a very basic slow K-Drama type song but then its shinee so its actually interesting lmao!!!

identity: ouuuUUU i really really like that low buzzing bass synth that goes through the song, its sooo chic and very sneaky sound system i like it!!!! the "my-y identity (i dont wanna hide it)" chorus is a bit meh but the "dont hide it, dont hide it" ost chorus is saur good, and the groovy intermission bit is so good, i love the disco influences too!!!

that feeling: not a fan of this, sounds like smth that would play on the top 50 from 2016 which was never my fave and sounds kinda basic, the vocals r sooo nice even if i haaate the horn thing thats in the instrumentals

like it: OUHH so sparkly, i really like this, it sounds like it should be in a movie credits? so so groovy, so summery, not to sound like a pretentious idiot but its soooo rich im gonna take a sip of this song.... the guitar solo near the end vaguely reminded me of an old homestuck fansong lmao?

sweet misery: VERY similar complaints as 'that feeling', its that genre of Emotional music that i personally dont like (the "sweeet misery" line in the chorus is very taylor swift to me, which. yknow. no comment.), but the production on this track is insane

insomnia: oh this is INTERESTING!!!! i looove the deep synthy intro going into the groovy bass in the verse and then opening up into the smooth jazzy chorus, this is such a good slower song and you can hearrrr how good the vocals are... its got really interesting aspects in it that kind of differentiate it from similar songs, esp the really nice piano-y bits

gravity: this makes sense for a final song on an album but tbh this is what i feared satellite was gonna be? i like the chorus though, but the 'snapping' verse was never my thing

all in all this album is SO GOOD, it has a consistent thesis and theme as is expected of shinee but its still so so so fun and so extra and im so so so excited to see them active again <333 its almost like a return to form in a Cool way, which i love ‼️‼️‼️

[allmightyscroll-swag]

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP YESSSS GOD IM SO ILL ABOUT THEM

OOOH MY GOOOOD. Y'KNOW WHAT TIME FOR MY OWN YAP SESSION UNDER CUT

GODDDDD AARGGHH. NO BECAUSE KIM ABSOLUTELY WOULD JUST TRY TO DEAL WITH IT COMPLETELY ON HIS OWN. YKNOW. BUT ALSO HARRY CAN BE QUITE PERSUASIVE IF HIS SKILLS ALLOW HIM TO,,,

AND YEAH IT'S A BIG DEAL!! I AM IN FACT A PERSON WHO POSSESES BIRD FACTS, AND TWO BIRDS PREENING IS LIKE. ONLY DONE THROUGH PARTNERS OR SOMETIMES BETWEEN OFFSPRING JUST STRAIGHT UP (it can also be done between like. big social groups. but that's not important were talking about silly bird people I can bend the truth) (also this is called allopreening I believe but I don't think it matters at all) AND KNOWING THAT'S LIKE A REAL THING JUST MAKES ME SO INSANE..... LIKE THE ABSOLUTE LEVEL OF VULNERABILITY. BY THE GODSSS

I'm just thinking about this happening the other way around now. But it's like, Harry absolutely STRUGGLING to reach a spot on his back, at the base of the wings, and Kim reasons with himself it's just a small thing, and it doesn't really mean much, and it's important for the RCM to have their officers looking their best, and yadada and so he hesitantly offers.

ABOUT KIM THOUGH. GOD. I imagine him going stiff as a log the first few times. But at some point Harry starts yapping to him through it, and they talk, about the case(s), about the precinct, about what they've been doing, in my mind post game Harry jumps between hobbies on a weekly basis seeing what sticks to keep himself sane, and maybe at some point they put the radio on and just listen to it throughout. (Image preening but the radio is blasting speedfreaks fm) And they just exist in each other's presence. And eventually their both relaxed and Kim has the smallest but warmest smile. And Harry's laughing, and it doesn't sound forced or sad, and ARGHHHHH. THEIR ABLE TO FIND COMFORT IN EACHOTHER AND BE VULNERABLE WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE. I AM GOING TO SCREAM I AM BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS

They're both idiots about it I imagine,,,, Harrys skills are overthinking and arguing in his head and Kim is like "by dei how did it come to this"

Oh man. Oh man oh man. God.

Can’t stop thinking about @allmightyscroll-swag’s de wing au (or at least the rambles about it) so have something small and shitty I sketched out while I should have been paying attention in a lecture

I think they should be allowed to preen each other <3

Also please don’t come for my wing anatomy I am simply an eepy guy out of practice

Story/explanation under the cut!

I’m thinking post-de after a long or rough case Kim’s wings got kinda fucked up (maybe during a chase in the air that resulted in (further) injury to his wings (I say further because he already doesn’t fly much because of his very poor eyesight and I’m thinking his flight muscles have probably at least partially atrophied)), meaning he’s got to preen and recover. Harry, worried, visits his apartment to see if there’s anything he can do, and lets himself in to find Kim, curled up and in pain trying to compose himself to preen and work through the muscle tightness. Kim reluctantly agrees to let Harry help, uncomfortable with someone else touching his wings because of said injury and poor eyesight (also maybe bad experiences in the orphanage???? I think so. Lemme give the man some angst).

I imagine it’s like. A huge sign of trust to allow someone to preen you when you’re not family, something that couples barely even do until they’ve been together for months and are comfortable being so vulnerable (wings, after all, are the most delicate part of the soul. Wings and lungs. Dolores Dei’s wings would glow in time with her lungs, a perfect extension of her breath).

But it’s Harry. What could he do to hurt him? (A lot. A lot a lot. But Kim trusts the silly cockatoo. He trusts him with all he is. And he so earnestly wants to help. Just let him.) And so he agrees, shifting to allow Harry to see the damage, to touch his scared back and tight flight muscles, to pick apart the damaged feathers from the healthy, to pull oil from the preening glands and straighten out the feathers to the best of his ability — newly clumsy and unknowing hands working through a process passed down through every family that should be known as perfectly as tying a pair of shoelaces.

Learning together to care for each other, to teach Kim that it’s okay to ask for and accept help, and showing Harry how to use his hands to heal instead of harm (he feared he would fuck up and hurt his police partner more). Growing closer through subsequent preening sessions

Ofc they’ll be idiots about it so they’ll not be together yet but soon!!! Soon they will!! I don’t know how yet but I know it will happen. Surely

[girlucifer]

HI hope all is well with you! IK exams were giving you trouble so I hope you're finding time to de-stress and look after yourself when you can! You can do this!!! Recently, I've been having Solomon and Satan brain rot ! They are occupying my thoughts and Will Not Leave, so if you want, I'd love to hear any HCs or thoughts you have about them dhshkdsbjsbssj only if you wanna!!! Take care hhwusidbskskbd <3

RIGHT?? i literally have not stopped thinking about solomon since [spoilers lesson 46] we had the option to kiss him?? like my fucking heart exploded [i had no idea he was a romantic option; it hit me in the fucking face] <3 okok but i have lots of thoughts on them. so many in fact:

solomon:

*so in his tears UR+, we see him putting flowers on a grave and in lesson 46, we know he had someone close 'once' but they're long gone. i want to imagine he had a lover that of course, died of old age as they grew older and he remained young. he was left all alone, and for once in his life he realized that death does not come in form of a light at the end of the tunnel but the absence of warmth in his bed late at night. the idea that solomon silently grieved for centuries, feeling completely numb, to the point that all he wanted was death- until he met the human and his life seemed to be filled with color again- he felt alive for the first time in forever... their touch completely revitalizing him, their kiss sealing his fate... the idea of him waking up to immortal life did not scare him, but in fact gave him the sort of peace he always wished for- that he lived long enough to meet the human, their smile something he'll never forget long after he's buried them . . .

*so super random and sort of a play on above's headcanon- he wanted death so badly, akin to groundhog day where bill murray tried everything- blowing up drowning car crash bullet whatever. when solomon realized he truly is immortal, no matter what he does... what else to do but go straight to the source of his life essence? he has heard of the grim reaper, harvesting souls once their candle blows out- he wondered, could the answer lie there? he did everything he can to contact the reaper- and immediately the reaper fell in love with solomon who was like mm alright whatever. the two had a short and heated romantic affair to which solomon broke it off- cue the reapers intense hatred for him. you would think the reaper would then just kill off solomon as revenge but that is exactly what he wanted... isn't it? so now even the grim reaper does everything they can to keep solomon alive, purely out of spite

satan:

*okay so PASSION WAS SO FUCKING GOOD! i listen to it about ten times a day i dont even give a shit it's fucks so hard anyway the accompanying audio diary is SO cute; it really paints this picture of satan respecting his older brother so much but could NEVER outwardly admit it. cue one night when he's drunk and slips out that he loves lucifer with all his heart and respects the hell out of him and everyone is like holy fucking shit - - - ok, and in that same realm: what if during leviathan's time loop arc, where they have the truth bangle- instead of lucifer straight up shattering it at the end when mammon + satan try and prank him, he uses it on satan, to which he's like dad i love you and lucifer bursts into tears <3

*anyway i have to talk about this right now:

those are tearaway pants and i cannot get over them. EASY ACCESS I GUESS LMAO!

[whatthefuckisasweep]

Grif

For the character ask! Sorry this took me a while, I can't copy and paste on mobile, so I waited till I got on desktop tumblr! Thank you so much for asking about him, I could go on forever lol so this is gonna be fucking LONG. Please, anyone, feel free to ask about any other character, too. These are fun.

Why I like them: Grif is, for lack of a better word, complex. On one hand, it's like, okay he's just a funny comedy character. But on the other hand, he's like every all of my favorite archetypes of a character. He's crafty but stupid, selfish but selfless, antisocial but friendly, the straight man but the dramatic guy, he's snarky but oddly caring: the reluctant hero. It's kind of paradoxical, and I feel like not only do I relate to him, but I just really enjoy him overall. Whether it's because he's a good brother, being a complete dickbag because he doesn't know how to handle emotions, being a complete cynic on the battlefield, or being hyperactive and snappy, it's just... ah. He. Everything in his life just happens, and he has to deal with it, and yeah he'll kick and pout and probably eat everything but in the end, he's gonna choose his family and he cares deeply... even when he can't really show it.

Why I don’t: I see this a lot in myself too - the fact that he's impulsive and inherently negative when he speaks specifically. his words don't match his actions. He often doesn't hesitate when it comes to making negative comments because they are easier than saying something nice, but what his intentions are are completely different. in other words, he's a jerk, lol. Especially in season 15. I know people felt bad for him because he was partially right and went insane on Iris, but he lowkey deserved it. He said he hated his friends, and even his closest friend. He didn't want to admit that he was a good person just because he didn't want to help. yeah, it was valid, but he needs to learn how to make a case without fucking everyone emotionally and being so clammed up. >:/ sometimes it feels like he regresses in character, as much as he's matured. i guess that's realistic and just the writers making comedy, but also the way he handles Doc specifically irks me. so mean spirited for no reason, as funny as it is.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): OH MY GOD, okay, literally, every single episode with Grif starring as a main is fucking gold. I think for this I'm going to say, uh, This One Goes to Eleven. Even though it's not Grif-centric, it's the episode that's my favorite overall because it introduced me to RvB and made me like Grif right away, simply because he was attacked so much and I felt so bad for him. Another great one that sticks out right now in my sleep deprived state, is Grif does a Rescue. Augh. And the episode where Grif and Simmons get stuck underground in the caves.

Favorite season/movie: Season 8 (shotgun!!!, hyperactive ai grif), Season 11 (hanging in the canyon with simmons), Season 4 (the tank and blue simmons w/ grif), Season 5/6 (kai and rat's nest), Season 12/13 (the recruits, grif building the snowmen), Season 14 (backstory with simmons, Room Zero), Season 15 (you know why)

Favorite line: OK, don't make me choose. There are SO many that are good!!! I think one of my most favorite things that Grif says is "yoink!" It's so adorable! I also really enjoy "BLUEEE TEAAAAM SUCKKKKKS" with his epsilon double, the whole "invisible nap" scene, "what are we, on a date?"/"I can tell you what we weren't doing", "no one made me, I made me", "WERE GONNA FUCKING DIE" when charging at the meta, "that's a figure of speech?" [when carolina says im so hungry i could eat a horse is a figure of speech], "dexta grif he who shall not be messed with!"... I'm sure I'm missing a lot, he has SO many snarky funny lines, but these are some off the top of my head.

Favorite outfit: LOL THIS IS SUCH A FUNNY QUESTION BECAUSE THIS IS RVB. HAHAHA. Uh. Season 6 probably. I just like Halo 3 Graphics. Also s14 Room Zero because THEY DREW HIM FAT CANONICALLY. THANK YOU.

OTP: I'm with the majority of people in the fandom who like Grimmons! I think Grimmons is the only ship that I really vocally ship with my whole heart besides OC ships. I just very much enjoy their dynamic -- it's very angsty, dialogue full, intimate yet so unspoken. It's just a really good pair to write about and see the development of through canon. And, not to mention... season 15... hrk...

Brotp: I really REALLY want grif/tucker, grif/church, grif/locus BROTP. SO SO SO BAD. I've always seen grif and tucker as bros, grif and church are HILARIOUS together and we were ROBBED of more time together, and grif and locus are fucking adorable.

Head Canon: I have a lot of headcanons about Grif, but one of my favorite ones is that he has half-lidded eyes, like he's always sleepy. I also headcanon him as bisexual, though I think that is a popular headcanon!

Unpopular opinion: I dunno if I have super unpopular opinions about Grif... maybe that I think that his labryinth wasn't as bad as it seems at first? A lot of people seemed to think that though, yknow. Like if you look deeply into it, it's actually kinda fucked. But I feel like we should have gotten the Hawaii scene anyways. Hm. I also didn't like how they altered the canon so that Grif wasn't drafted. I think it does add something to his char that he chose to go, but I always really liked the aspect that Grif didn't control that, and yet he still did this on purpose. He was good on purpose.

A wish: A badass Grif carchase scene for the love of FUCK. We need to have him drive more stuff !!!!!!!!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Have him betray the reds -- i think every other red has betrayed the team at some point. please god for the love of god dont do this to grif. it really adds and says something about his character that he doesn't ever betray his team.

5 words to best describe them: (eye roll) eh. fuck it.

My nickname for them: this isn't really my nickname, since I mostly just call him grif -- but 'gif'. It's cute, and my QPP came up with it! I also really like dex. augh

[yamikawas]

I'm not part of yoomtah's base fandom, can you tell me about her?

YAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYA OK SO BASICALLY YOOMTAH IS FROM A FUNNY LITTLE CARTOON ON YOUTUBE CALLED E/PITHET E/RASED slashing it so it doesnt show up in searches and basically in this universe abt 1 in 5 people have Epic Powers called Epithets that are basically a word attached to someones soul that they can use to do..........stuff! as mera puts it

epithets can range from things like Soup to Drowsy to Goldbricker to stuff i didnt even know was a thing until i watched the show like Parapet!

and theres this magic amulet called the Arsene Amulet (usually pronounced arson amulet) and legend says that if u have it, u can use it to steal other peoples epithets........

so now someone got their hands on this amulet and now its being hot-potatoed around between the good guys and the bad guys and the morally gray guys!

been a while since i got to use my infodump script LOL

BUT THATS NOT WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR NOW ONTO THE MAIN SUBJECT AKA A CHARACTER WITH LESS THAN 2 MINUTES OF SCREENTIME AND NO DIALOGUE EXCEPT FOR GIGGLING AND HUMMING

^ YOOMTAH MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED AND THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IN THIS SHOW OR AT ALL RLLY

OK EVEN IF SHE DOESNT HAVE AS MUCH SCREENTIME IN E/PITHET E/RASED SHE ACTUALLY IS A VERY IMPORTANT CHR IN A/NIME C/AMPAIGN AKA THE TTRPG SERIES THAT E/PITHET IS BASED ON WHICH I DID ALSO WATCH ALL OF SO<3

OK SO BASICALLY YOOMTAH A CUTE LIL CYBORG GIRL WITH ELECTRIC POWERS DESCRIBED AS "HIGHLY CHAOTIC AND UNPREDICTABLE" ON HER A/NIME C/AMPAIGN WIKI PAGE AND I LOVE HER<3 ALSO SHE IS THE CO-FOUNDER OF B/LISS O/CEAN AKA THE MAIN VILLAIN ORGANIZATION IN THE SERIES ok she is described as the errand girl in her lil info card thing but also in a/nime c/ampaign her being the co-founder had stuff to do with a good amount of plot things iirc so i severely doubt theyre gonna change that LOL ANYWAYS! I LOVE HER MY EVIL LIL ROBOT GF<3 NOW THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH HER BEING THE CO-FOUNDER OF THIS FUNNY LITTLE BAD GUY SQUAD IS THAT THE LEADER OF B/LISS O/CEAN IS ALSO HER """CANON""" LOVE INTEREST AND I LITERALLY WANT TO TORTURE HIM TO DEATH FOR REAL. I WANT TO SLICE HIS STOMACH OPEN AND SHOVE HIS OWN GUTS DOWN HIS THROAT. BUT THATS A STORY FOR ANOTHER DAY WE'RE INFODUMPING ABT YOOMIE RN<3 SO HERE ARE SOME LIL YOOMTAH FUNFACTS FOR U

1. her name comes from guildmaster wigglytuffs catchphrase from pokemon mystery dungeon! see here

2. ive always thought the lil circles on her cheeks look like lemon slices so thats where the "lemon meringue" nickname came from<3

3. she does not actually have an epithet but bc she is an epic cyborg she gets electric powers anyways bc shes just allowed to<3

4. her first appearance in a/nime c/ampaign has her playing a gameboy! and her first appearance in e/pithet e/rased is THIS I LOVE THIS VIDEO SO MUCH

5. she is literally the gayest character in the show to the point where the creator felt the need to nerf her by saying shes the definitively straight character LOL also shes ace bc im ace and i say so also she definitely has transgender swag

6. i have 886 images of her on my phone

7. theres one a/nime c/ampaign episode where she hosts a game show and my 2nd favorite chr is the hypeman so its basically SEVEN HOURS OF YOOMTAH FT. MY BESTIE SOMETIMES AND ALSO AT THE END SHE DRIVES A WHOLE MECH FOR A BOSS BATTLE THING AND SHE IS SO GIRLBOSS AND CAN SHOOT GAY BEAMS

8. her hair and cheeks glow in the dark as u can see from some of the images + the video i put!

9. some of my favorite hcs for her include that her lil zappy pupils change shape with her emotions, she blushes glowy green like her hair and cheek circles do, and she has a lil green lightning-bolt-shaped strand of hair under her hat

10. i will die without her

11. she has so much autism/adhd swag i mean look at her look at the video.she is soooooo neurodivergent girlboss<3

12. im going to be rlly gay now i think her kisses feel a lil staticy but not in a way that hurts yknow ksjdjdnf also if she pets my head enough my hair will stick to her hand like if u rubbed a balloon on ur head

13. my anniversary with her is march 15th 11:45 pm<3

14. she went insane over an in-universe equivalent of a pokemon card once in a/nime c/ampaign and in the same episode she played ddr so fast that she missed all the notes

15. also in another a/nime c/ampaign episode she was tasked with throwing people into a well for some reason and once she managed to effortlessly pick up a woman around her size and a cartoonishly buff man at the same time and throw them into said well. also she managed to throw an absurdly higher number of people than her coworkers did Literally girlboss moment<3

16. and in the Final a/nime c/ampaign episode her reaction to her """canon""" love interest confessing his love for her was to LITERALLY BEAT HIM UP INTO THE GROUND BC SHE WAS MAD AT HIM FOR SAYING THAT HE LOVED HER FOR THE FIRST TIME TO SOME STRANGERS AKA THE PROTAGS INSTEAD OF SAYING IT TO HER FACE LOLLLLLLL also bc we all know that she loves Me and not him and actually hates him for trying to get in between her and i anyways<3<3<3 even tho at the very end with the like ~10 Years Later~ thing they were implied to be together anyways but we ignore that :/

17. shes literally just girlboss in general she literally just can do and does do whatever the hell she wants even if it has no logic to it and i love her for it<3

ok anon bestie this answer got rlly long i just like talking abt her sorry LOL<3BUT LIKE I LOVE HER SO MUCH EVERYTHING SHE DOES IS CUTE TO ME OK LIKE EVERY SINGLE THING SHES DONE THAT IVE LISTED HERE. EVER SINGLE THING SHES DONE IN GENERAL. I FIND IT ALL ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE I JUST LOVE HER THAT MUCH I WOULD KILL AND DIE FOR HER I JUST<3<3<3<3<<3<333<3<3<3<<<4<<3<33<33333<3<3YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH MY BELOVED

[billhaderlovebot]

beep beep (2) - richie tozier

okay, mentions of sex, weed, and as usual, language that would make my grandmother disown me. some horror-typical blood stuff. enjoy.

@the-star-above-you @ceruleanrainblues

had it not been for richie's incredible, rugged good looks and sex appeal, as he had so tactfully put it, you were sure you would have tried to fucking murder the guy at least once, because he was infuriating at the best of times.

you'd never actually made an attempt on his life, of course, but now, as he tried to peel away from you and get out of the bed that wasn't a single but not quite big enough for two people, you almost killed him, hissing at him to lay the fuck back down right now we might die today i haven't seen you for like half my life you asshole cuddle me right now, richard.

richie, of course, as he hadn't ever been able to say no to you, smirked and shifted to lay back down, resuming the earlier position in which your limbs had become not unlike that thing where your headphones get all knotted in your bag and you can't figure out how to separate them.

"that's what i thought." you huffed, leaning up to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

this was almost surreal. being back here, and with the same man you left behind. it was like, the whole time you'd been apart, you'd only been half a person. and now you were back and he was holding you and you were one whole, functioning person again because he was your other half.

"i was just thinking, yknow." richie voiced, pressing a kiss of his own to your temple. "about, uh, your husband."

"i fucking hope not. that's not good bedroom etiquette, tozier, bedding a girl and then fantasising about her husband."

"shut up," he laughed. "no, i mean, you're... married." he noticeably recoiled at the word, and you visualised the nose-scrunch, because he was definitely scrunching his nose right now. god, you loved him so much.

"i noticed."

"yeah, but, babe, this isn't a very married thing to be doing, is it?" richie gestured to the bedclothes, which you were both very naked underneath, and also his shirt, which had ended up hanging from the door handle. there was underwear strewn about the place, and you literally did not know where your pajamas had gone. oh well.

"rich, when i made the decision to come here, i made the decision to leave there." it was true. you may not have known it at the time, but the moment you left that house you were never to return.

your husband might have been calling, and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about him. but any calls he made would have come through in a stream of bubbles and a faint gurgling sound, what with your phone still being back home in your bathtub. being back here just proved that this was where you were always supposed to be. with him. you slid off your wedding ring, pressing it into his palm, and it was as if a weight had been lifted.

"it's always been you, richie."

and that was enough for him.

---

bill raised his eyebrows at last night's dark purple and red hickeys that littered your throat, courtesy of a one richard tozier, before joining you where you sat in the common area. you hadn't thought to pack a turtleneck, or a scarf, at that, and so you'd have to avoid everyone's inquisitive looks and make do.

when richie emerged from the kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hand and a matching set of hickeys, bill sighed.

"th-thought so." he said.

"huh?"

"thin w-w-walls, guys."

"it's not her fault im the best she's ever had." remarked richie, winking at bill and falling onto the couch beside you. he slung an arm over your shoulders and pulled you into him, sipping his coffee.

you shrugged. "yeah, billy, and it's not his fault he hasn't had a good lay since i dumped his ass in derry."

"hey! you didn't mean to dump my ass."

"ah, but i did, nonetheless."

"fuck you." richie teased, setting his coffee down on the table so he could pretend to argue with you properly.

"no, fuck you." you shot back.

"fuck both of you." a voice, eddie's, whined from the kitchen where richie had come from and interrupted your pretend dispute. "i mean, you kept me up all fucking night, fucking each other absolutely senseless in the room next to mine, you inconsiderate assholes."

"they haven't changed, eddie." bill groaned, rolling his shoulders and leaning back on the couch.

"i know that," said eddie "but i don't think i can deal with it, they're all fucking over each other!"

you supposed eddie was right.

richie, now realising you were here and he was with you and you were both within kissing distance of each other again after over two decades, he took every opportunity to shove you against a wall or a door or a sink or on a bed and kiss you hard. a lot. a lot. seriously, he'd sprung at least four impromtu heavy makeout sessions (with tongue) on you so far and it was only your first day here.

it was like you were teenagers again.

god, if only.

"w-we need to put a plan together." bill said firmly, clasping his hands together. you had noticed his stutter had been worse since you'd left the restaurant. not as bad as when you were kids, but still there. "w-w-we need everyone here, t-together, which doesn't include you two s-sneaking off to suck face."

"but she's got such a nice face." richie whined.

"she won't if you don't get your shit together." you heard the voice of ben hanscom (or, handsome, as richie now referred to him.) as he trudged down the stairs and joined you all in the living room. "so shut up and listen in case IT decides to tear it off her."

now, that had really freaked richie out, so he shrugged in defeat and pulled you tighter to him, kissing your forehead and holding you to his chest.

"good morning to you too, ben." you yawned, circling an arm around richie's waist and allowing him to just hold you.

what? he was fucking warm, ok.

"are you guys gonna be like this the whole time?" ben queried, gratefully accepting the cup of coffee eddie had just brought out for him.

"i think it's sweet." beverly was the next to come in, ruffling the back of her hair and rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"yeah guys, we all got hot or married, and richie got less and less familiar with his fucking shower. we should be impressed he got anywhere near her." eddie chided. a chorus of laughter arose, all of you sat around the coffee table on plush couches, and you could pretend, just for a moment, that this was all you were here for. a reunion. but you weren't.

"m-mike's meeting us later." bill explained. "we have.... stuff to do."

---

the clubhouse was almost exactly how you remembered it (save for the inch-thick layer of dust and the smell of rot and the slight water damage from what must have been 27 years of rain leaks). you'd damn near punched richie in the fucking face when he pulled that "you'll float too" bullshit. his impressions were always impeccable, but now was not the time. he'd rectified his mistake by kissing you soundly and offering one to everyone else, to which they all refused.

"reckon we could still fit?" richie echoed your own thoughts as you both stared in at the dusty old hammock you'd spent so many hours on as teenagers, nostalgia coming over you in waves.

"how much you betting, trash-mouth?" you grinned, your tongue poking out from between your teeth.

"five bucks says we can."

you looked over the stretch of fabric that ben had pinned up between the boards on the ceiling all those years ago. you could barely fit on it when you were teenagers, so there wasn't much change of it happening 20-or-so years on. "i say we can't, so, ten bucks."

"done." he said, with an air of finality, and stuck his hand out for you to shake.

"nah," you shook your head. extending your little finger instead."handshakes are for businessmen and drug dealers. pinky swear."

richie hooked his pinky around yours and flashed you his signature shit-eating grin. "get ready to cough up."

a great deal of struggling later, (richie almost bringing the fucking roof down) you were considerably warmer and ten dollars poorer. the rest of the losers stared on in disappointment because the two of you were still absolutely insane. but you had done it.

granted, you'd had to twist very close around each other to fit on, and your leg was sticking out at an odd angle, but neither of you were terribly bothered.

"ten bucks, babe."

"can't i just have sex with you?" you groaned. you hadn't brought much money with you in the first place, and you really needed a coffee and a therapeutic shop for stationary.

"how about you give me ten bucks and then i have sex with you." he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

"i think that consistutes prostitution, actually, babe." you pointed out, kissing his lips and reluctantly pressing two folded fives into his hand. "but i do expect something by way of a sexual favour later on, provided we don't die."

"guys? important stuff is going on. yknow, like, if-we-don't-do-this-we'll get-fucking-murdered stuff." you'd forgotten that the rest of them were there, and eddie had rather pulled you both out of the bubble you were existing in.

"lighten up, eds. i just got my girl back." for once, richie wasn't joking around, and the sincerity in his voice almost made you cry. eddie didn't say anything more.

but mike did. "we have to split up to find our artefacts." he chimed in, reminding you all exactly what you were there for. "we have stan's, and i have mine. you'll know what they are when you see them."

you couldn't help but feel sorry for mike. he knew so much and had everything so planned out, but at what cost? he had been waiting alone for years and years and years, knowing full well the rest of derry depended on him not giving up, even if they didn't know it themselves.

"w-we can't split." bill interjected. "it's t-too dangerous. what if one of us d-d-d-d..." he inhaled deeply, calming himself and allowing mike to put a hand on his shoulder. "what if something happens. i won't forgive myself."

"im not letting this one out of my fucking sight, mikey." richie concurred, absently drumming his fingers where they rested on your waist. "no fucking way."

"you have to do this alone. all of you." mike continued, and you knew he was right.

ben and beverly knew it, too, and had begun making their way out of the clubhouse, the maggot-eaten wood of the ladder groaning in protest underneath their feet.

"right. a-are you s-sure, mike? really?"

"positive. this is how it has to be."

------

"okay, so if you die, we can't fuck later, and i would rather like to, so, maybe don't die, please." richie was trying to make light of possibly the worst moment of his life, but it wasn't working so well, because his hands were shaking so hard that he could barely keep ahold of you.

"i'll be fine, rich." you assured him, leaning against his chest and inhaling the scent of home.

"you don't know that, y-y-you don't-- t-there's no way you can-- y-y-you're-"

you cut him off by firmly pressing your lips to his, and it did seem to calm him. the act of holding you close and feeling the rise and fall of your chest and knowing he could touch you and you were still here. you thread your fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck and allowed him to deepen the kiss, knowing he needed it.

he had always needed reassurance when you were kids, because he'd always been insecure or scared about something he couldn't remember. he always went to you first, because the whole vulnerable thing wasn't really his scene, and you were the only person who saw it. and his nightmares, god, the fucking nightmares. you hadn't seen him cry before until he woke up shaking in your bed, searching around for something to grab onto because he couldn't tell what was real or not. he cried for what seemed like hours in your arms and all you could do was hold him.

"you're stuttering worse than billy." you murmured, close enough so your lips just barely touched. "ill be fine."

his eyes searched yours desperately for any sort of truth, but he could tell that you weren't sure. that you were just as shit-scared as he was and you were holding it together for the both of you.

"fuck." was all he said.

"fuck." you agreed.

---

1994

---

"baby." richie's voice was practically ecstatic down the phone. you grinned and reached over to your shelf to turn your record player, and the cure, down.

"yes?"

"i have, like, the best idea ever."

"and what would that be?"

"so, yknow, i have like, a shit ton of pot."

"uh huh."

"and i haven't seen you in like, uh, like two days. which is, fuckin, two days too long, yknow."

"yeah, of course."

"so, what say you and me get really really stoned and wait for your grandmother to leave for bingo and have a lot, and i mean a lot, of high sex."

"trash-mouth tozier, i may just take you up on that." you smirked, twirling the bright red phone cord in between your fingers.

"oh, good, cause im already here."

richie's voice was now coming from your actual window.

you whirled round to see him perched on the fire escape like a fucking curly haired pigeon with a high libido.

"god, you do know how to make an entrance, rich, fuck me."

"ask, and ye shall receive." richie smirked, dropping his legs through your window. in two strides he was in front of you, pupils dilated and partly concealed by his dark curls. his glasses were almost falling off his nose.

the phone receiver dropped from your hand and clattered to the ground as you reached up to take them off, and-

oh, and then his tongue was inside your mouth, so the glasses fell and landed alongside the phone by your bare feet.

no matter how many times you kissed richie tozier, it never failed to surprise you just how fucking good he was at it. you found yourself rather at his mercy whenever his lips were on yours, his hands on your face or in your hair or your back trouser pockets. he'd always make a point of tugging your bottom lip between his teeth and oh my fucking god. wow.

"well i can't fucking see you now, can i?" he whined, pulling away and blinking hard in an attempt to adjust to you having taken his actual sight away.

you responded by reaching your hand around to his back pocket where you knew his silver zippo would be.

"and here i thought you loved me."

richie stuck his bottom lip out in mock sadness, but grinned about two seconds after, reaching into his other pocket and handing you a small zip-lock baggie.

"you know that i love you." you smiled, kissing his lips and edging round him to get to your bed.

"you do?" he asked.

"more than anything."

----

2016

----

the zippo lighter was much heavier than you remembered it, you thought, as you turned it over and over in your hands.

you flicked it open, but no flame arose. not as though you expected it to.

god, those years were the happiest of your life. after IT. when richie and yourself could be happy and in love and kids.

just two stupid kids in love.

and your heart ached now as you thought of all the lost years. all that time you could have spent with him, watching him grow, and growing alongside him.

but you were together again, and it was alright. it was alright, now.

"beep beep, richie's girl."

the voice that came from behind you caused your heart to plummet, and you swore it could have fallen out of your ass.

"oh, fuck no. you fuck right off, right fucking now." you steadied the shaking of your hands. you were not afraid. i mean, yes, you were, very much so. but you weren't letting It see you weak.

clenching your fists, you slowly turned to look at the space near the window from which the voice had come.

oh, fuck.

it was richie.

or it would have been, if it were normal for richie to have a huge slice across his throat and a considerable amount of his left arm missing.

blood poured like a fucking faucet from the slash, forming grotesque patterns where it fell across its shirt.

"help me, baby." it choked, hands coming up to the wound, trying desperately to hold it together. it fell to its knees before you and pleaded with you to fucking help me, please and then it was crying and in that moment it's eyes looked so fucking much like his that you almost threw up.

"no, fuck no." you were seriously, seriously about to vomit right now, but you weren't about to embarrass yourself in front of a supernatural evil entity.

"please." blood came spluttering from its mouth, and you had to commend it on its honest to god phenomenal acting. it wasn't a pretty sight, honestly, because richie in any form of pain was enough to make you want to tear out your eyes, even a fake richie. but this wasn't him.

"you got it wrong." you flipped the lighter open and closed absently, hoping to whatever god would listen that the shake in your voice wasn't noticeable.

the mock expression of fear disappeared from not-richie's face.

"m not fucking scared of you. you'll only hurt me if i let you, right?" you hoped to god that you were right, because it'd be pretty embarrassing if after all that, you were torn to shreds anyway.

and then it was gone. leaving behind, scrawled in fake richie's fake blood on the wall:

beep beep, richie's girl.

you had to admire the theatrics, really.

---

richie hadn't wanted to talk about his artefact, or where he had got it, and you knew better than to push him.

he looked so fucking tense, tears in his eyes, that you just wanted to hold him and never let go ever until the earth stopped spinning. but that wasn't an option, so:

"nap?" you suggested, reaching up to thread your fingers through his hair.

his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into your touch.

"yeah. nap."

"rich?"

"yeah?"

"i love you."

"i love you more."

"fuck you."

"no, fuck you."

[dancefloors]

I’d love to see a whole ass ranking of red songs and your reasoning, ugh that album ooft like there are some songs on that album that i fucking adore but then there are the ones that i’d skip without a second thought

agreed! red is one of her most powerful albums to me but it’s also the one with the most skips. it’s curious.. anyway here’s my ranking and its gonna be dramatic and also littered with spelling/punctuation/grammar errors bc i can’t read and i don’t plan to. enjoy if u can

State of Grace: Her most well constructed song. It captures the essence of the album better than the title track does and I think it does that bc views the relationship from the most human perspective possible, the most realism that you can like.. feel it, with fondness and love and pain and violence and hope and honesty but it doesn’t feel messy. Like to say that this track is ‘bittersweet’ would be too black and white. I think its bc the central idea of the song is “I never saw you coming”which is neutral in the most powerful way and literally DRIVES me insane. And GOD her use of tone and volume and a simple chord pattern (basically two alternating chords) is soooo powerful it’s both simultaneously striking and incredibly delicate. Just hands down the best track on the album and one of her best songs of all time because it manages to be complex but so simple at the same time. Academy award.

All Too Well: I feel like it’s one of her best pieces of storytelling, it’s incredibly raw so I feel like it’s less “clean” than state of grace. It really feels like the climax of the album if we’re putting it in a sort of story line. I don’t think there’s anything else I could clearly say about this except you call me up again just to break me like a promise so casually cruel in the name of being honest!!!!!!

Treacherous: tenderness. I said this once before but she plays so well with almosts and maybes and nearlys and halfways on Red and I feel like this track is a good example why because its not a climactic or explosive event but its like the moment just before you fall which I love! rights! 

Begin Again: I feel like this track should be further down in the listing (like about 8) but its like one of the few hopeful and genuinely sweet songs on the album and the change in tone is nice. And so is “you throw your head back laughing like a… little kid. I think it’s strange that you think im funny cause he never did” its MADDENING. It’sat 4th because I have a heart and don’t hate love and hope.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: one of the BESTTTTTT pop songs she ever put out. It’s so different to her usual sound, so purposefully pop-py, so overly done in a bit of an ironic way with an on-the-surface one dimensional meaning/hook, and classicly catchy that like you have to like appreciate how deliciously bitter and IN jake gyllenhaals face it is.  Like WITH SUM INDIE RECORD THAT’S MUCH COOLER THAN MINE!! FELT THAT

Holy Ground: state of grace’s little sister. This shouldddd be higher especially because of that GENIUS“tonight I’m gonna dance” bridge, but if I don’t listen to this song for a week I almost completely forget how it sounds. And I definitely don’t know a single lyric in either of the verses. 

The Last Time: I know i’m an idiot for putting it here, and that everyone else hates it but I really think this duet fits nicely within the narrative of Red. like  Taylor takes the backseat in her own song and it’s slightly forgettable buuut the guitar interlude into the bridge into the final chorus and the ‘this is the last time i’m asking you’s is one of the most compelling things ive ever heard. i’m gonna say it, gary lightbody RIGHTS  

The Moment I Knew: feels speak-now-y. incredible narrative. still can’t remember a single word of the verses it no matter how many times I hear it tho, probably bc i dont listen to it often bc its so saddd

22: not as good as wanegbt but still a firm step forward into classic pop. also I love her (slightly forced)accent in this one it’s just so fun.

I Almost Do: another track that does well with almosts (clearly) and maybes! I feel like it has a speak now-y vibe and feels like the last kiss of red if that makes sense… its kind of boring but also good yknow.

I Knew You Were Trouble: It’s not bad….it has a nice tune. I just know I wouldn’t have noticed it if it weren’t a single. I appreciate the melodrama though.

Red: it’s meant to be the defining song of the album but it feels like… heavy handed lyrically. Less subtle than taylor usually is. And the melody is not as compelling and feels a bit mumbly. Its not bad tho!

The Lucky One: this and girl at home aren’t bad songs but they fade together in my mind and have the same sort of energy to me because they’re not like.. compelling or catchy? This one is okay though bc its about ms Joni....everybody loves pretty everybody loves cool

Come Back…Be Here: it’s a good song but I don’t like the breakdown after the bridge. Feels like a skip at times, hits a like a bus at others. It’s odd.

Girl at Home: sounds fearless-y.kind of charming. Not enough to stick in my mind though.

Sad Beautiful Tragic: you could literally play me any song and tell be its SBT because I have no idea what the fuck it sounds like. by pavlovian response by brain just fires off the command to hit skip when that intro comes in. does it have an intro? I wouldn’t know.ITS SAD

Everything Has Changed: it’s tooooo generic sounding. I know it’s a fan favourite and she DOES say “green eyes and freckles in your smile” but the ed sheeran sound in this is too much.

Starlight: I do not give a fuck about the kennedys.

Stay Stay Stay: I feel like this clashes with the vibe of the album in a way wanegbt and 22 managed not to do…its just like… not good. yes i hate fun.

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 14 (Finale) | “All of this and more, but only in Autumn's World” - Autumn

So I figured out that Amir does have the idol and Jakey originally had it that round... damn I wish I looked a little more but I just didn't think Jakey had it. So that probably means that Autumn is going this round, and then I just need to find a way to win this next challenge over Amir. I know Kendall and I will vote together next round regardless, so worst case scenario next round for me is that I am in some kind of fire-making challenge, but I at least see there being a good chance that me and Kendall could be sitting in FTC together, and I'm just hoping at this point that it's Augusto sitting there with us. P.S. In the event that I make FTC... I really hope I'm not seen as a goat. Like, I don't think I am, but I'm not sure how much respect I'll get for my game. I'm hoping people see how savvy I had to be to continuously work my way back up after a couple blindsides and being pushed to the bottom, but you never know with this jury / cast. P.P.S. Please no pressure cooker next round. I'm not ready to have to beat Amir THAT way.

So I'll count that as half of a success. I was at least able to help convince Amir to play the idol he told me about to flush that, and with Autumn safe, the next option was to do Adam. Knowing that if Autumn did have the merge idol, she probably wasn't playing it on Adam, this was the next best option. I need Kendall and Augusto around because those are the two I'd like to bring to FTC if I can make it there. It makes sense to take them to the end as our games are all very similar, so at least we aren't against a winner at the end. Part of me thinks that bringing Amir may not be the worst thing in the world given he has screwed over a decent bit of that jury, but also, I'd rather not take that risk.

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed! 

So Amir blames me for playing his idol... I think that's a win for me then, right?

I'm so glad I was able to take this challenge win! I needed to win this to guarantee I wasn't some kind of contingency plan. But now, it's about how can I guarantee a winner goes home. I've already kind of told Autumn she was in trouble (literally 0 point in lying to her about it) and have explained to both Kendall and Augusto that we should find a way to split the votes / guarantee that Autumn and Amir have no shot of working with one another and sending home one of the two people I want with me at FTC. I feel so close, yet so far away from the title of Sole Tumblr Survivor. I want this win so badly. I can't describe how much I want this win. I didn't come back just to have fun; I didn't come back just for maybe an ounce of redemption from Guyana, I came to win this mother-effer. I have at least a 25% shot at the moment, but I want to increase that number. 

Final 5... it's so insane honestly because I never expected this of myself but I've played my ASS off (literally, that's why I'm flatter than a table top) especially these past few rounds. I'm kinda shocked that the clear targets are Autumn/Amir/TJ just given I have been a force in the game (subtly ofc) so its def a gag... but yeah. TJ winning the immunity was WORST case scenario because I wanted to come for that man's neck SO bad but we'll just have to get him next time. Amir having the merge idol isn't a SHOCK but it was interesting to say the least like rip telling me that but both his idol plays are gonna be kinda useless which helps my case! I know that Autumn said me and Kendall have been up Amir's ass but first of all... i'm a bottom so I would never BUT also I feel I've held my own this entire game so it isn't my truth in the slightest but I'll just have to prove her, TJ, and the jurors wrong if I got to. I've gone from flop (16th in Bhutan, 17th in Great Lakes, 12th in Socotra) to the top (6th in Flops, 2nd in Seychelles) but I am trying to WIN and wear my deserved crown, it's time I won something yknow. 

Amir and I when my plan worked and NEITHER of us walked into jury yet again https://twitter.com/abridrakegraham/status/1222552252357005313 The kids HURTIN yall and I will 100% respect their privacy at this time. Like they really thought!!! They really thought they finally killed me and were probably singing ding dong the witch is dead all day and now look at em. They done lost the boy they all wanted to go to the end with, got severely played by me, AND still gotta see my face everyday. Someone check on Jordan Pines I wanna make sure he's not still holding his breath waiting for my demise. And I've teamed up with his other least favorite person? HOES MAD. But it's not just him- Kendall ready to fight Amir in PM's, TJ in his feelings on call during tribal, Augusto couldn't even find the words he was that shocked. It's all so glorious and I truly fucking love wrecking everyone's games. Amir was like I've never felt these emotions before/ this is one of the wildest moves I've ever been apart of and tbh I agree with Amir. This was batshit crazy but you know what the gag is? This is literally just another day in the mind of Autumn Hill Jury mad, the mayos mad, Augusto mad, and I'm literally on top on the world right now. Like I love Augusto yes but that move was the definition of powerful. Like it's not just playing an idol correctly. It's the fact that Amir came to me begging that I forgive him and that we work together again, I then agreed and admitted to having the idol to A WHOLE ASS WINNER, convinced Amir to tell the kids he had the idol, got everyone to feel super comfortable around me all night and day cause I knew "I was going," snapped in the tribe chat at 2:00 because I "just wanted people to be honest about voting me," got the kids to essentially then tell on themselves since they listed all the reasons why they were voting me, and then idoled out their king using his once closest ally. Liiiikkkee?? STIFF WHERE?? DEAD WHERE??? Bitch I'm playing to win ok I hope yall enjoying this master class I've put on cause I'm hanging it up after this. Unless yall get serious about having a TS version of Winners at War, then call me. But otherwise, yes I'm going ham because I have every intention of walking into the 2 time winners chat. I WANT TO ASCEND!!! So PSA: if my funeral is public knowledge, that means I ain't dying hahaha. Apparently everyone has nicknames for me and that might actually be my favorite part. Jakey calling the game Autumn's World all merge to the boys and TJ only referring to me as the Godmother?? iconic! You know I'd hate me too if I wasn't me, which is why I'm flattered by it all. They know damn well they're almost out of time to get rid of me and they've spent the entire fucking game hoping and wishing and praying and still can't pull it off. And them not targeting me out the gate like Jordan wanted has gotten soooo many people killed. But most importantly I have successfully played an idol now TWICE at Final 5.. And I sure did win back to back immunities at Final 4 and Final 3 in Crossroads so finding out this season has a final 2? Perfect let me dust off the blueprint real quick

 https://twitter.com/rcgersnatalia/status/1168071613763342336

okay im going to work my ass of to win this but autumn and tj have both claimed they can do this really well, so like basically, tj cannot win immunity, i need to win or i may be absolutely screwed https://66.media.tumblr.com/583667e85060a36a2cccb8551baa27d5/tumblr_inline_oh5slaYgdO1tr4u58_500.jpg but as of rn, i was going no matter what if i didnt win immunity, i tried to make a story to autumn and we called for like 3 hours and i did my damnest to sell that tj is the problem with everything that happened last round and that i was down to vote augusto for real until tj really sold the plan out to augusto and i didnt want to go to rocks, but i played the idol out of fear that augusto-kendall-tj would 3-2-1 me so she believed there is a true rift in the beauties right now and has more of a reason to hate tj she is so fucking smart so she may have sussed it out and went along with it, but im hoping it worked??? idek but she said if she wins immunity she'll idol me she did admit she has the idol to me but maybe because she knew i already knew

I just... do I even have words anymore? Like, time and time again, I'm getting screwed over and I just... it's a good underdog story now. I just have to win this next challenge. I guess regardless I had to win this next challenge, but also, I was really hoping to not have to have as much concern as I do right now.

What was that?? oh cause I thought the yts who can't successfully kill me had said something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wux4HnZRY0 Another day, another body bag. THEY WERE SO SURE THEY HAD ME AHHHH I really have to laugh. Kendall was certain this was my funeral and I'm like nah baby it's yours. I'm still screaming that TJ would keep immunity for himself and let Kendall go to firemaking where she would 100% lose that's wild. Only for me to find out after that sis really was THE RAT??? Y'all set her up lmaaaooo. Now I really don't feel bad cause she ran from her karma long enough and if Amir had told me that shit before firemaking I really would've smoked her in the comp. Kendall had no business snitching to Jordan about an airtight unanimous vote and blowing up all her allies' games just to do right by an egom aniac. Then Jordan still died and she falls in love with his bestie boo TJ (he's playing you sis!!) who sensed she could die this round but didn't give a single fuck?? Absolute mess. She really got Devon, TJ, Amir, and Augusto to lie about it the whole game and they agreed because they knew if I ever find out the truth, I'd kill her on sight. Bitch I killed her anyway!!! So was it even worth it? Cause she still walked into jury but she got a better placement and a noble death, which miss Devon and Augusto cannot say. Too busy being lying https://media3.giphy.com/media/6DMfLQEhixGdW/source.gif I feel so affirmed though- every person who has come for me is either sitting in jury or is about to walk in. That's power- that's RANGE! Also I just wanna say to Devon while I'm here:  you really gave me all that grief for considering you could be the rat when you, Amir, and Augusto were in on it and protecting Kendall the whole time??? Fuck outta here. Like whose fault is it really that you died Devon? I wanna know. You mad at me and Amir when you need to be mad at yourself for picking the wrong girl, which is on brand for straight white men but y'all not ready to have that conversation. Anyway! Kendall trying to undermine me the ENTIRE merge and using all these men to do it only to still get killed by me in the end?? Fucking love that shit. All of this and more, but only in Autumn's World

https://66.media.tumblr.com/143402720bb2766ebe14eb1d657e2ca6/tumblr_inline_o8662rxDt11tr4u58_250.gifv

Me before the challenge https://peopletalk.ru/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/tumblr_n49eidw5Zk1rsrbdko1_500.gif 

Me after I went beast mode and embarrassed the men https://twitter.com/intoragnarok/status/1233477557565173762

I'm screaming at Amir asking me after if kept him strategically or out of loyalty and I'm like sis what do you think. I was not about to let the white knights get their way and give TJ the win all because he's a good car salesman. Like y'all should've seen that 1 hr plus discussion of TJ and Amir going back and forth on camera about who I have a better chance of beating and I'm just sitting there IMMUNE taking notes, knowing neither of them wanted this. The power that that has, the intelligence that that has, the clearance that that has, the access that that has. Amir and TJ planning to kill me and then being thwarted once again is arguably my two favorite storylines. TJ wanted to do this the ENTIRE MERGE and I never let him succeed. And Amir wanted to be the one to say he killed me cause he's Mr. Smith when I'm Mrs. Smith and my ass spared him and helped him several times. Now look at em, getting third and second. I made a joke at Final 5 that Amir and I are the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith and it's so true. I adore him as a person and I know he loves me too but we're not above killing each other. Hell we genuinely want to kill each other but time and time again we chose to kill everyone else instead lmao. 

So please enjoy this visual walkthrough of our wild ass partnership

(when we met at merge) https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3f/48/5e/3f485e53a56fb43c62c22c0790e8afd7.gif 

 (when we voted together at Final 11 and Final 10) https://media1.giphy.com/media/l3Ucho9gtq4b7SLok/source.gif 

 (when I caught Amir in a lie and killed Devon as retaliation but still wanted to work with Amir) https://media0.giphy.com/media/l3UcotueAJQAW0zjW/source.gif 

(when Amir killed Ali and Adam to piss me off) https://66.media.tumblr.com/eebc1dc0a509a652ea543aba82bcb1c5/tumblr_ojjk22iVXM1uhcmrao1_250.gifv 

(when Amir tried to get back in my good graces at Final 5) https://66.media.tumblr.com/3b157a36601820370897ace6673af493/tumblr_n17egq7Hdq1r7fawxo4_r3_250.gifv 

(when I agreed to the winners pact and got him to kill Augusto and Kendall with me) https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DefiniteVapidDogwoodtwigborer-size_restricted.gif 

 (when he kept trying me at Final 4 and Final 3/ saying he'd kill me) https://i.gifer.com/3lie.gif 

(when I snapped and took Amir to Final 2, like I said I would, and we both knew he'd lose beside me) https://66.media.tumblr.com/d1f3506fc873a7d2393d705a7f58065d/tumblr_mgooqovRHw1qkdoj2o1_500.gif

mood after everything that's happened and me making FTC again- we out here. Coming out of retirement has been good to me https://twitter.com/emrific/status/1235072497055227907

(final 4) oh dear me this one is a tuffyyyy wuffyyy.... okay okay. so its f4, tj thinks im voting with him and kendall to vote autumn. Autumn thinks im voting with her against kendall to make it firemaking. basically, i was originally gonna vote autumn, and i told autumn and she was like fk no so i told her im convinced but i am STILL UNSURE So if I vote kendall: autumn has to win fire making which like statistically i do not see kendall beating autumn, but then tj takes me to final 2 over autumn, and autumn will take me to final 2 over tj, she also threatened to make jury hate me if I cut her now which doesn’t really scare me tbh if I’m next to kendall anyway, but regardless of that threat, me going with tj and autumn gives me a 66% chance of winning this game. If me or Tj win final immunity, I think I win this game. If Autumn wins, then uhhhhggg she will probs take me but like we will thee i just hope she doesnt win final immunity If I vote autumn: me or kendall have to win final immunity, because if tj wins, then I’m getting third place, and kendall would probably take tj as well, so like, yeah i would beat them both at the end but i would be putting myself in a position where i have to win immunity but idk . i think voting kendall is better as i type dis

final 3 oh my gooooodddd, the fact that i am here is so surreal 2 me, and idk idk this immunity is gonna be the deciding factor of my game and im so nervous but also happy and proud of myself however this game turns out. hoyoyoyooyoy

SO MISSS AUTUMN JUST UHHHHHHHH wooped me arse in immunity and me and Tj had to PLEAD for ourlives but she ended up TAKING MEEEEEEEEE so partyyy Honslee tho, while this is gonna make winning 90x times harder, I am pretty happy to be sitting next to Autumn cuz our end game mr. and mrs. smith alliance is highkey iconic af ewnfewkjfnewkjnf like we killed each others allies and somehow have been aligned since early merge and I lied to her and somehow we always came back and protected each other and if i don't win im happy she will <3 but with that said, i gotta take her DOOOWNNN

AUTUMN WINS 8-1

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

MAYA I TRUSTED YOU

WHAT WOULD WILL POWERS SAY

ok he'd probably be like ‘hehe; guess I'm falling further into obscurity thats cool i was never amazing in the first place’

-

“theres only one!”

...that is rare

-

“i traded my watch to my kooraheenese friend! it plays the steel samurai theme when it goes off!”

I SMELL A CHEKOVS GUN

-

“it sounds just like the steel samurai theme”

“no it doesn't!”

mayas right, it doesn't sound like the steel samurai's theme. 

it sounds BAD.

seriously i feel like my soul is physically rejecting it 

-

put your arms akimbo at me again young lady and ill push you into your magic soul pool.

-

“that whole séance thing makes trials completely different”

meh

speaking of trials, we’re back to trials! ya–– i dont want to deal with nahyuta

-

“you have to pitch your terrible crossover!! i won't let you down”

as much as i disapprove of the crossover let it be known that phoenix is a sweetie pie.

-

“The sacred murder dagger was used to murder someone?!?!??! BLASPHEMY!!!”

-

“The lowest level of hell; the Hell of Tickling” IM KINKSHAMING KOOORAHEENISM

-

“They shall not escape on their /redtext/ Freedom Express today!”

she did it yaaaaayy!

-

U R DIARHOEA!!! KOORAHEEN!!!

well i

i cant argue....

-

oh god no t voice acting again

-

LOL YOU CAN SKIP IT AHAHHAHHA

AND THE DANCE TOO HJDSJSFAKJ

guess its not *that* important eh

-

the entire court just called phoenix a shithead. 

i mean people say “Polkhunka” when theyre surprised, and the term is “polkhunan”. so yeah. either hellion, or shithead. nice.

-

phoenix: this makes no sense 

me: ooh i cant wait for the bullshit excuse!! 

-

Well ill be damned to tickle-hell. Rayfa’s a television aerial. 

-

oh i see how they did that. i guess spirit visions have steady-cam?

-

.........he ran right into it

dude why 

-

i just love this. “yes he ran directly at the killer, to fight them! with his arms flailing in terror!! it might look stupid and fake but actually it’s kooraheen’s biggest martial art, RonDeliteFu!”

-

every time Rayfa does her hand-flinging-out pose i mistake her sash for a stick and i keep thinking she’s a muppet 

-

“we can’t let the special fires go out, so we make sure to remove the glass around them every year on top of a window mountain so that a woman can um...... walk around it i guess.”

-

i hate to admit it but these stupid pond vision things are really stumping my blind ass

-

i stg pohlkunka is the stupidest sounding made-up expletive ive ever heard

id rather heard cowabunga every time something shocking happens for godssakes

-

“wow he really does care about ema”

hey show dont tell lol

“i cant believe he's come to understand their value”

uhhh well

they stated that they still hold investigations despite their magic pool parties, so uhhhhhhh yeah???? forensic investigators are usually pretty helpful??

-

since Sadmad’s catchphrase appears to be ‘putrid’, i keep reading ‘purification rite’ as ‘putrification rite’

-

i cant believe they did a “what if... (EXTREME CLOSE UP ZOOM) PLOT TWIST?!”

-

STOP SAYING PUTRID

-

oh hey its dirty hobo man! ...also i guess the ‘sexy pan up shot’ is for every new character :/

-

hobo rangers go...

-

...Nahyuta named him A’nohn Ihmus. A’nohn Ihmus.

Well that just cements my idea that Kooraheenians are just a bunch of Americans that stole a landmass and made up a phony baloney culture. 

It has been confirmed that they are legitimately just taking english words and ‘kooraheenifying’ them.

-

“i used my binoculars to spy on the rite at the inner sanctum”

A’nohn is just as perverted as his namesake from Tuhmbl’r

-

“Feh. I knew you were a fool...” 

Cue Franziska crashing her plane into the court room to yank on Sadmad’s braid to scold him for taking her word.

-

“shall be reborn as a witless sea urchin with barbs limited to your posterior”

ok well sadmad, sea urchins asses are next to their mouths... on the bottom of them. completely opposite to the, uh, you know. Spiky part.

So I’m not sure if that serves to strengthen your point or just make you look like a moron

i mean i guess it served to enhance sadmad’s point since phoenix’d be totally smooth and unprotected, but then he wouldn’t even reach adulthood so that sea otter wouldn’t come in too early and...

...he just said phoenix will be reborn as not only mentally slow but also physically deformed.

...uh... nice one, sadmad.

-

AND MAYA PULLED A REACHAROUND ON THE PRIEST 

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FROM THE HOLY MONK, GUYS

-

to be fair, she could have stabbed him with a reverse-grip or not; one doesn’t have to hold their hand at any particular to perform a reach around 

-

oh well at least the contradiction is incredibly obvious 

-

at least hobo ranger has an excuse to use words like “bucko”

-

i hate that,,,, theres a rule against climbing the mountains during the rite. that means that there have been perverts of yore who tried to spy on the lady changing 

-

hes gonna see her shad–– (sigh)

yknow, i dont think shadows are detailed enough to know which way someone is holding a knife.

also moonlight isn't that bright 

-

DWAAYYYYMMMN

sasquatch’d!!

-

ok so... does happiraki mean “hello” or “hooray!” because its been used it both contexts 

-

i just realized that the Plumed Punisher theme song sounds like one of those posts where someone takes a recognizable song and fucks with it in a silly way, like pitch shifting it at awkward moments or changing the key

-

i cannot believe i have to use a fucking walkthrough for this game. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm better than this.

-

“no one was allowed in there and the only way up were the stairs!”

ah yes, the unguarded stairs surrounded by people who had their heads down. in prayer.

totally impenetrable. 

-

“What?! This is insane!!” no no, phoenix, youre doing it wrong. you have to say “this”, then sadmad has to say “is” and then the judge has to yell “insaaaaane!!” because its funny when one person says one word of a sentence each!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

‘rah rah sis boom bah, fight, fight, phoenix wright!!”

um excuse me maya who gave you the right to be cute

-

why does sadmad only have one hand-guard-glove thingy

-

“my bag of bluffs” is an interesting and long way to say “ass”

-

they put... a maximum security prison... on top of their holy mountain. they put their criminals... on top of their. holy mountain.

they put a jail. in a church. in fact they put it higher up... closer to... god. 

what the fuck. the fourth one. only accessible by helicopter.

who was smoking what when they decided this???

-

(sigh) mmmmm id been waiting to use that patchwork quilt

-

“hell of hangnails”

not as fetishy but still pretty–– actually you know what that sounds kinda fucked up. isn't that just kinda G rated torture anyway 

-

wow that incredibly obvious lie deserves the terrible pursuit theme??

maybe its the last one (i hope)

-

“are you the rebel hunter!!??!?!?!??”

um well no, unless the rebel hunter is a criminal. jackass.

-

...cutting dirty deals with criminals, are we, sadmad?

-

“haha, the fact that the third person at the scene was a wanted criminal destroys your theory that it was the rebel hunter Keera that killed the high priest!!”

...wow... gosh i was wrong... and the fact that a wanted criminal was actually at the scene... doesn’t help me at all... because once i said that one person didi it, it couldn’t possibly be someone else... oh no... i guess it was Maya who did it... for reals... not the.... wanted criminal....

-

...hang on, his little power rangers dance was the defiant dragons dance? how... did nobody notice this?? sadmad really was colluding with criminals wasn’t he. gosh. what a trustworthy guy.

-

phoenix: oh no!! his testimony was a lie!!

oh no! the testimony that did nothing but damage your case was a lie!!! 

??????

-

sadmad: get him!

hobo ranger: (does a little hop and daintily scurries off)

sadmad: ... (takes a good five leisurely seconds to stop the background music) put everyone on high alert. i want everyone after that guy

that guy who just. skipped out of a courtroom. past hundreds of crazy people and several bailiffs. 

haha... the kooraheenes police. to quote phelous... THEY’RE THE BEST!

-

“what was the point of all that, anyway?”

search me, phoenix.

“well, i cant help but feel that entire episode was an enormous waste of time”

hey capcom? hanging a lampshade on it doesn’t make it better. it just amplifies how much it sucks.

-

“yes! i recognized that piece of paper because it looks exactly like the piece i have! thats covered in blood and unrecognizable!!!”

...nice

OH AND ITS THE PERFECT FIT TO COVER THE BLOODSTAIN WELL ISNT THAT JUST FUCKIN SERENDIPITOUS 

-

“the ignorant lawyer has not bothered to learn out language??”

well A) he's not an international attorney, B) he was on vacation, not studying abroad, and C) fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. you’re all speaking english all the time anyway, you bunch of fuckin phoneys 

-

i stg sadmad if you say putrid one more time i’ll cram a rotten egg down your pasty white gullet and show you the meaning of the word 

-

“the criminal could have only escaped if the high priest helped him out, so why would he kill him?”

hey sadmad? remember that thing about using your putrid brain? yeah, doesn’t take too big a leap to realize that you might’ve just proved phoenix’s ‘idiot theory’ right. maybe the priest um... was a rebel??? who was going to do just that??? and the rebel killer offed his sorry ass?

perhaps, o foolish prosecutor, you should think before you open your rancid lips... lo, in your ignorance, you will be cast down to the hell of those who are kind of stupid....... the hell of perpetual fart smell. there you shall inhale the decomposing winds of ten thousand and one accursed mihtama, while fart fetishists gaze on in envy... 

oh wow i didnt even need to go on that spiel, he just admitted it straight up. but yeah, apparently when Lady Kee’ra impersonator kills a rebel, it’s A-OK. But when Maya kills a rebel, well, fuck, she’s a foreign bitch, execute her!!

also the way he said it seems to imply that he knew all along so uh

maybe people should start suspecting this guy. he seems to... know a lot of rebel criminals.

-

every time sadmad shakes his head i wanna break his neck

man i remember being annoyed at edgeworth in the first game and wanting to hop my desk and rough him up, but never wanting to physically maim or kill him. you suck, sadmad. 

-

WE GOT IT, FOLKS!! WE GOT THE ASSAULT!! IT’S UM, IT’S SUPERNATURAL FORCE ASSAULT THIS TIME. 

FUCK BIRDS AND SWORDS, I GUESS? ACTUAL MAGIC IS THE WAY TO GO?

hey sadmad; tickling? bondage? can we... keep that out of the courtroom please?

also “oh no! i can’t point my finger!!” phoenix cries, forgetting that he has two arms. i guess capcom won’t spring for more than one sprite tho haha

-

“the keera we saw was the statue draped in the sacred robes!”

with a... knife sticking out, apparently. ok..?

also gosh, maya’s really fast, tiptoeing around the abbot, draping the costume just so, then tiptoeing back around? like lightning she is!!

-

he just cut off his own theme song.

-

“she used her fiendish tricks to fool the court room”

which didn’t work at all if you remember the beginning of this court so fuck you?

-

“she sought to use the divination seance to mislead us!”

good going, pointing out an absolutely massive flaw in your country’s legal system, sadmad.

-

i cant believe we had a flashback for absolutely no other reason than Sadmad to gloat. I FILE FOR A MISTRIAL ON GROUNDS OF MISUSE OF FLASHBACKS.

-

please oh god just let it end i dont have enough space in my stomach for any more ulcers

i can’t stand hearing him say let it go one more time please I'm begging you

-

oh no... phoenix has failed... he’s going to die... it’s really going to happen...

just get to the surprise witness or whatever already

-

oh thank god. love you, headband guy

-

“the dagger bears the finger prints of maya fey!”

wow. the police suck major ass at catching running people, but their finger print checking speed is second-to-none. ...either that or they waited a while before telling people about a dead body.......

-

oh gosh!!! its totally maya!!! she arrived 2 years ago and so did lady keera and 

yeah no. it’s not her. 

but even if it was, kinda awkward there, sadmad? she’s um. kind of a hero to you.

-

i dont get it why is everyone freaking out. i thought the keera impersonator was considered some kind of vigilante hero? why is it suddenly bad when they “find out” it’s maya? is it because she isn't kooraheenees?

I'm honestly really confused. everyone was rooting for the masked defender one moment, but now that its maya, it’s murder?? 

seriously what the fuck. like the gallery was legit going “ah!! lady keera has come back to save us from the rebels!”

and then its like “its not divine its some foreign bitch in a cloak” and now its like SERIAL KILLER. also, nice. we’ve never been allowed another day in court because there was a second charge racked up. awesome. (with the possible exception of Ron Delite, tho he was changing his charge)

-

sadmad can go choke on his own braid and the gallery can lick their own hypocritical asses. i can’t believe i stayed up till 2 am to finish this section.