#wild. its really kinda surreal.

[235uranium]

I say this a lot but I cannot emphasize how fucking insane royal was having been an akechi fan and akeshuake enjoyer in the vanilla eng fanbase. all we had was the anime (sucked), mementos mission (fantastic), and honey I'm home.

[anniebeemine]

parents gone wild- s.r. x fem!reader

warnings: title is misleading but it made me giggle, just domestic bliss :)

You and Spencer were giddy with excitement as you dropped your two little ones off at Penelope’s. She greeted you both with a bright smile, practically bouncing on her toes as she waved off your last-minute instructions. “Go! Enjoy yourselves! You *need* this!" she said with a laugh, hugging you both before shooing you away. There was a surreal feeling as you drove away, the car strangely quiet without the usual baby babble or crying in the backseat. It had been months—no, almost two years—since you and Spencer had a night to yourselves.

“This feels so weird,” Spencer admitted, his hand resting on yours as he navigated through the city streets. “Like we’re… doing something we shouldn’t.”

You smirked. “You mean, like we’re sneaking off?”

“Exactly,” he chuckled. “I mean, no diapers, no screaming for once. Just… quiet.”

You grinned as you pulled up to the restaurant, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you both really dressed up. Spencer was in a crisp button-up, tie slightly loosened, and you in a dress that hadn’t seen the outside of the closet since before your first baby. The restaurant was a dimly lit bistro, with candles on each table and soft jazz playing in the background. The atmosphere was cozy and intimate, and you felt like you were dating again—before kids, before the late-night feedings and endless baby chores.

Dinner was incredible. You laughed over stories, clinked glasses of wine, and indulged in rich food you hadn’t had time for in months. It was like you both let out a collective sigh, a reminder of what it was like to just be *you*—not just parents, but partners, enjoying each other’s company.

By the time you left the restaurant, you were both tipsy from wine and full from food, grinning like lovestruck teenagers.

“You know, I kinda forgot what it’s like to have a conversation where I’m not interrupted by someone screaming for more Cheerios,” you joked as you leaned into Spencer, his arm draped casually over your shoulders.

“I missed this,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Just… being with you.”

When you got home, you were still floating from the night, ready to pop open the fancy bottle of wine you had splurged on earlier. The apartment was quiet—eerily so—without the kids. No whirring baby monitor, no toy sounds echoing through the hallway. Just peaceful, blissful silence.

You headed toward the kitchen, calling out to Spencer. “How about we start with the wine before anything else?”

But as you passed the living room, you stopped in your tracks. The sight in front of you was *not* what you wanted to see after such a perfect evening. Toys were scattered everywhere—blocks, stuffed animals, teething rings—every surface was covered. A sippy cup was laying on its side, tiny socks were draped on the coffee table, and the plush playmat was askew. You sighed, staring at the chaos for a moment.

Spencer came up behind you, seeing the same thing. “Maybe we could just… ignore it for tonight?” he suggested, though even as he said it, he didn’t sound convinced.

You bit your lip, torn. “I mean… it won’t take long to clean up. Just a quick tidy, and then we can relax.”

He smiled, knowing that was code for: *We won’t be able to relax until this place is clean.* “Alright. I’ll tackle the dishes.”

You both set off on a whirlwind cleaning spree. What was supposed to be a "quick" tidy turned into something much more. You couldn’t help yourself—once you started picking up the toys, you found yourself folding the kids’ laundry, wiping down the counters, and fluffing the couch pillows. Spencer, meanwhile, was meticulously scrubbing the dishes, loading the dishwasher, and even organizing the pantry as he went. It was almost therapeutic, in a way—cleaning the house without the usual chaos of trying to keep a baby entertained at the same time.

Hours ticked by, and by the time you both sat down on the couch, exhausted, it was nearly 3 a.m.

You collapsed next to Spencer, letting out a long, tired sigh. “Well… at least the house is clean?”

He chuckled softly, stretching his arms out over the back of the couch. “We’re supposed to be drinking wine and relaxing right now.”

“Yeah…” you murmured, leaning your head against his shoulder. “But I’m too tired to even get up and pour a glass.”

Spencer wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer. “Me too.” You could feel the exhaustion creeping up on you both, but there was a quiet satisfaction in the clean apartment. The silence around you was peaceful, but something felt… off.

After a few moments, Spencer spoke up, his voice low and amused. “You know… Penelope wouldn’t mind keeping them for another night.”

You smiled, closing your eyes as you rested against him. “Yeah, probably not.”

There was a pause, and you could feel Spencer’s heartbeat slow as he relaxed. “But… I miss them,” you whispered.

He nodded against you. “Yeah. I do too.”

The thought of your little ones—Caitlin's giggles, the way she babbled excitedly when Spencer talked to her, the sight of your younger one’s toothless grin—it tugged at both of your hearts. Even with the freedom of a night alone, you realized just how much you loved the little chaos they brought into your lives.

And as you both drifted off to sleep on the couch, arms wrapped around each other, you knew that despite the sleepless nights and the mess, there was nothing you’d trade for the life you had now.

[somer-writes]

I am bored and am procrastinating cleaning my room (again), therefore I have decided to go around and send asks with what I have decided to call a “Yap Pass”

Feel free to yap about whatever you want whenever you want. You can start yapping as soon as you get this or later on when you feel the need to just go off about something

You may also just ignore this ask entirely if you choose to do so

i havent had brain power for a couple of days so sorry this is late but YES LETS RANT!

i kinda hashed this out with @needfantasticstories and @a-manicured-lawn and mayyybeeee fen but lets talk about death and grief as philosophical pivots for the lads!

grief personally has played a huge part in both my professional and personal lives. its something thats always morbidly fascinated me since i was a child and even now does in a political spiritual sense which is a whole can of worms

SO DEATH! CHEERY!

time: death i think is still a very surreal concept to him. hes still pretty young at heart i think and theres a lot he struggles to conceptualize. he comes from a place of immortal children and so im sure aging was uncomfortable for him for a while and im not sure that he understands what happens at the end of that process.

warriors: very familiar with death, but i think he shuts it out and ignores it as a coping strat bc he never had the time to fully process his loss and grief. the man has seen a lot of death and i think he views it as some impending doom that he cant beat but he can outrun or outlast

twilight: also very familiar with death, but unlike warriors, has a much more accepting view on it. in part i think his spirituality plays into this but twilight sees death as just another turn of life. it upsets him and i think he does get angry about the timing but knows that it has to come to pass.

sky: also familiar with death, has a more serene view on it due to his religious views. i think for him death is a very ethereal concept. he accepts that it has to happen and not always peacefully but i think he fully believes in an afterlife

wild: has fought death and won??? i dont think he *gets* death. he knows it happens, he knows it happened to him, but i dont think he fully realizes the finality of it.

legend: has lost people, is still bitter about it. refuses to accept that death cant be staved off. where warriors sees death as unbeatable boss, legend thinks he can fight it and win. he gets ANGRY

hyrule: terrified of death because what it would mean for him and moreover, for the people who live beyond him. if hes dead, he cant prevent ganon from hurting anyone. he has a plan in place (multiple) in the event of his death

four: understands death happens, doesnt dwell on it. its just a thing that happens. arguably the most neutral on the concept. the colors ofc all have their separate opinions. green is very mature about it, red is somber, blue is angry, vio is very clinical

wind: familiar with grief, understands what it means in terms of never seeing someone again. but thats how he views it is more that people who have died are just elsewhere now but not really *gone*. hes young and still cant fully conceptualize loss but he can feel it ofc

[sanstropfremir]

ok nana unsubtly kicked me in the ass about this and i realized they were mostly done anyways so here we go! only four months late!

best stylings 2023 - first half

runners' up

rising - triples

there are two good stages with funky athletic wear, but it wasn't enough to bump it up to the overall category. mcountdown 230216, the show 230221

abyss - woodz

didn't promote it which is a shame, but the variety in the costuming for the different versions of himself is well done and it's a beautifully shot bottle mv.

moody - superkind

you got a fake member you gotta make it spooky!!! he's not real that's inherently spooky!!! anyways this is what i wanted them to do right off the bat some i'm glad they finally got my psychic memo.

golden hour - mark

absolutely fucking crazy. fantastic imagery. i think i talked about it earlier in the year but it's such a stupid and hilarious idea to make a whole diss track mv about a several year old meme and then actually make it strange and weird art. obsessed with it still.

sos - kang daniel

i'm also including the wasteland music sequence here because holy shit when this dropped i lost my mind. i'm always surprised by what kang daniel does bc i can never predict it, which over the last few years i'm coming to enjoy. and i absolutely did not expect him to produce basically an entire wild west mad max movie with equal the production value???? literally how did he do this. how. and then everyone paid it dirt??? it's an amazing mv and one of my faves of the year, the only reason it's not bumped up categories is bc although the styling was actually one of the only times tactical gear has been thematically relevant to a cb, its been so overused that it has no punch anymore, which makes me sad bc the tactical gear was good! and a good choice! and i feel bad saying it has no punch bc it should have!

small talk - kim sungkyu

we love when sungkyu acknowledges that he's annoying and a loser. all these outfits were so losercore. i loved this deviation from form for him; he's normally king wailer supreme, but he does smooth upbeat rock very well and it's a nice contrast with the capital y yearning that's in the bsides. it's only here bc he didn't promote much and i'm mad at him for putting dancing in the mv and then not dancing in any of the stages. mcountdown 230629, music core 230708, inkigayo 230709

ay-yo - nct 127

this is just here for taeyong's urchin outfit. well i'm a bit of liar it is actually a really fun early 00s inspired mv, but we all know the urchin outfit stole the show.

stamp on it - got the beat

i will hear NO slander against got the beat in this house, this was a great mv i love hot women planning a heist.

tricky house - xikers

FANTASTIC debut. does a really great job of establishing a character for them as a group and it's got such unique flavour. kq has made great use of their ateez money and also the lessons that they learned with ateez. i'm excited to see where xikers goes in the future, and since i'm writing this section from the future i can say that i do like where they've gone with full confidence. the only reason it didn't make the top list is bc the styling is kinda average for this era of kpop.

best overall

rose blossom - h1 key

i was aware of h1key before this but they hadn't really grabbed me, but damn this cb was so good. the mv is a nice mix of story and dance sections. plus a surreal section in the middle! and by virtue of being like the first cb of the year, they got the jump on this alt girl look that would be the dominating look for ggs this year. and i do think first did it best in this case, all the looks are smart with good group synergy and and a lot of creativity; when you do this type of alt-y punky style it's important that there's a diy element to it, which a lot of groups fail to grasp bc stylists are obsessed with luxury branding. h1key manages to avoid that mostly by being flops, but i'd like to believe its also bc their creative team cared about capturing the true spirit of the style.

stages: music bank 230106, mcountdown 230202, music bank 230203, mcountdown 230119, inkigayo 230108

tic tac - 8turn

honestly i was kinda ready to not like these guys since mnh shat the bed with chungha, but then i remembered that the mnh creative team is very good at their jobs, so here we are. this is one of the few debuts/cbs this year where every single stage was a hit and it was very hard to narrow down to just a few for here; lots of good emphasis on shape and colour and accent pieces with repeated motifs, which was a big part of the fashion in the 00s that they are remixing here. very strong debut especially for so early in the year and i'm looking forward to more.

stages: show champion 230208, mcountdown 230202, music bank 230203, show champion 230222, music core 230211, mcountdown 230223, music core 230225, inkigayo 230226

bonus: this absolutely hysterical 4minute cover (they even got the name bucket hats! not in the stage, but they had them in photos)

sweet juice - purple kiss

i'm not normally a fan of wes anderson or wes anderson inspired aesthetics because i find them too twee and perfect, but this wasn't too direct in it's inspirations and definitely had the spooky purki flavour. i really liked the uniformity of the costuming, both literally using uniform motifs and using the same fabrics; i really do miss the days when kpop costumes were design to actually be costumes with the group image in mind.

stages: mcountdown 230216, inkigayo 230219, music core 230225, music bank 230224, inkigayo 230226, music core 230304, inkigayo 230305

sour & sweet - bambam

bambam again proving that he's one of the few idols that knows his shit in terms of interesting styling. also if anyone knows where he filmed the mv/performance vid please tell me i need to know bc its so beautiful.

stages: mcountdown 230330, music bank 230331, inkigayo 230402, music bank 230407, music core 230408, inkigayo 230409,

bsides: music bank 230331, inkigayo 230409,

macarena - blitzers

i'm so so so glad blitzers got a bit more attention this year bc they deserve it and macarena was so good. perfect culmination of their goofy ass talents and the unusual creativity of their performance + creative directors. i'm even linking the mv teaser here bc its so goofy and offbeat and different. honestly i'd recommend watching as many of the stages as you can find bc they do different intros every time and it's very funny, but unfortunately tumblr has a link limit so i can't link them all.

stages: show champion 230426, music bank 230428, music core 230429, inkigayo 230430, inkigayo 230514, music core 230527

bouncy - ateez

yea yea yea nobody is surprised so sue me. this was a crazy followup to halazia and proved that ateez can deftly switch between serious dramatic performance and comedic but no less dramatic. i'm very happy to see how much work has been going into the main ateez mvs in the last year because it has very clear and striking direction that fits both their performance style and their creative ambition, as well as their growth as a group. also yea i'm not immune to neon cowboy shit.

stages: inkigayo 230618, music bank 230616, the show 230620, mcountdown 230622, music bank 230623, mcountdown 230629, music core 230701, inkigayo 230702

kick it 4 now - tnx

tnx had an absolutely banging 2023 and although kick it 4 now is has superior and more comprehensive production, love or die is also a very good cb, and both of them together have shown that they have a really good grasp on the genre of teen listlessness, from two different directions. kick it 4 now has been i think the most successful cb to actually capture the feel of first gen, and the creative team did a lot of extra work in order to pull that off. from all the graphic design to the goofy lil 90s style music show promos, to the styling, they had a clear goal and achieved it. i think it will be quite difficult for any other group to pull it off this thoroughly.

stages: music bank 230609 (the giant lyrics!!!), music core 230610, show champion 230614 (more giant lyrics!!), music core 230617, mcountdown 230622

shooting star + left right - xg

we all already know that left right was my most listened song this year, but the fact that the mv was b movie sci fi star trek themed? it's like simon made everything about this specifically for me thank you. xg blew everyone out of the water this year on every front; music, styling, choreography, you name it. i said i wanted groups to commit to their bits and i got it. they were completely unafraid to actually commit to the y2k nostalgia AND to harajuku styling; a lot of groups have weakly pawed at it but always back away due to the fact that harajuku and y2k are not actually 'pretty' fashion trends, which leaves their attempts half assed with no real understanding of why and how those trends happened. xg came saw and conquered the current trend in a way that only a japanese gg can do. my only annoyance is that they tone down the stylings when they promote on music shows, and i know why they do it, so it's not an annoyance at them, it's an annoyance at everyone else.

stages: shooting star - mcountdown 230202, con-tour 230217, the show 230221, inkigayo 230212, inkigayo 230205, con-tour 230224

left right - the show 230228, show champion 230222

circle - onew

absolute masterpiece. album of the year in every way. it's a profoundly beautiful unpacking of grief and the sadness that comes with acknowledging that things change, and the way that in that change life and humanity and story is eternal. a circle. the theatre imagery combined with the 60s style children's tv show use their similar but contrasting forms to illustrate the same point: something can be eternal and fleeting at the same time, and that heightens its value rather than diminishing it. the promo campaign was so thought out as well, i love the integration of the theatre imagery into the highlight medley and i highly recommend you watch it if you haven't. one of the best cbs from a solo artist in years.

stages: mcountdown 230309, music core 230311, music bank 230317, inkigayo 230319

--

ignore the fact this was almost five months late even though i started writing in like. november. i'm busy ok. it's planting season and i have to send so much post. the choreos post is the next most finished so that will probably be out before the styling second half one.

[tw0ism]

hi! uh, im tw0ism from tumblr. welcome to my… crib

as previously mentioned, im tw0ism, but my actual name is misha if u wanna call me that instead (i also respond to the name samo, by the by). i dont have much to say, really. im just a french 14-year-old who loves art, music, psychology, dolls, & surrealism

im an artist. ive been drawing for as long as i can remember. i usually make fanart, but i dabble in original work sometimes whenever i get any ideas i think are good. i used to animate as well, but not anymore. i also enjoy video editing & the occasional writing, although im not very confident in my skills in that department

im around on the internet, ive got some other socials... dont feel like linking them, but theyre out there if u look... if u ever see me out in the wild, wild landscape of the internet, say hi! (its pretty easy to spot me. im very much a "one username everywhere" kinda guy)

from the river, to the sea, palestine will be free.

[breederking]

It was one of those lazy Saturday afternoons that felt like they were meant to last forever. A cool breeze drifted through the open windows of Ryan’s house, a sprawling two-story on the edge of town. The four jocks—Ryan, Chad, Jason, and Kyle—were sprawled across the living room, beer cans in hand, shooting the breeze and watching a game on TV.

Sitting on the couch with them was their good friend, Noah. He was about 39 weeks pregnant, his belly swollen and heavy. Noah had been a part of this crew since college, the guys always having his back, no matter what. He’d been their teammate, their drinking buddy, their late-night confidant. And now, with his pregnancy nearing its end, he was still part of their world. They were all still figuring things out, Noah included. But as supportive as they tried to be, there was no hiding the awkwardness.

"So, Noah," Chad started, his tone light but with a trace of curiosity, "I gotta admit, I’m still kinda amazed by how big you’ve gotten. Like, seriously, dude… you’re like, a walking science project."

Noah chuckled, rubbing his belly. He had to admit, he had grown used to the comments. The jocks were trying—really trying—to be supportive, but sometimes they fell into old habits. They meant well, but they didn’t always get it.

"I know, man. I feel like a goddamn planet," Noah said, trying to keep it light. He adjusted his T-shirt, stretching it over the tightness of his skin. "I’m about to burst, actually."

Jason, who was lounging on the armrest next to him, leaned in a little too close, eyeing Noah’s stomach with fascination. “Seriously though, bro, it’s nuts. You’re like… a woman right now, huh? You know, in the belly department.”

Noah froze for a second. That stung more than he expected. He’d heard it all before, but sometimes the words still managed to land in the wrong place.

"I’m still a man, Jason," Noah said, a little sharper than he intended.

Jason, noticing the shift in Noah's tone, quickly backpedaled, looking at his friends awkwardly. "No, no, dude, I mean, we get it. Just… it’s wild to see this whole thing play out."

Ryan, who had been a bit quieter, spoke up. "Yeah, we’re all behind you, man. But I gotta admit, it’s kinda surreal. I mean, look at you—" He gestured toward Noah's rounded stomach. "It’s like… how do I even put this? I don’t know… you’re like a living pregnancy documentary or something."

Noah let out a laugh that was part amusement, part exhaustion. "Yeah, thanks, Ryan. Real flattering." But it didn’t bother him as much as it could’ve. He knew the guys meant well. They were just, well, jocks.

"You wanna feel the baby kick?" Noah offered, trying to shift the conversation. It was the usual icebreaker—one that helped him deal with the awkwardness.

Chad, ever the bold one, immediately leaned forward, placing a hand on Noah's stomach. "Dude, you’re like a freakin' alien," he said, his voice dropping in awe. "How much longer you gotta go?"

"Could be any day," Noah replied, wincing slightly as he felt the baby squirm under his skin. "But, honestly, if the baby doesn't come out soon, I'm gonna lose my mind."

Just as he said that, Noah felt a sudden, intense pressure. His eyes widened. His water had broken.

"Uh… guys," Noah said, voice trembling as he looked at them. "I think it’s happening."

The jocks froze, staring at him like a deer caught in headlights.

"Wait, you mean like, now?" Kyle asked, his voice high with panic.

"Yeah," Noah breathed, his face contorting with the sudden pain that rushed over him. "I… I need to get to a hospital. Right now."

Ryan, always the leader of the pack, stood up quickly. "We gotta get you there, bro. Let’s go."

Noah barely had time to stand up when another contraction hit, sharper than the last. He gasped, clutching his belly. "Guys, I can’t… it’s coming too fast. I can’t make it to the car."

The tension in the room thickened. The guys stared at him, unsure of what to do. Noah, shaking, knew he couldn’t hold it in much longer.

“I can’t just… sit here,” Noah panted. "It’s happening right now. You gotta help me."

With no other choice, Ryan and Chad helped him to the front door, trying to keep him steady. Each step was a struggle as Noah fought the urge to push.

"Shit," Noah muttered. "It’s happening right here, isn’t it?"

"Just hold on, dude," Kyle said, his voice trembling as he tried to help Noah along.

But it was no use. By the time they reached the front lawn, Noah’s body gave way, and he could no longer stop the overwhelming need to push. His legs buckled, and he collapsed onto the grass, groaning in pain.

"I can’t…" Noah’s voice cracked. "I need help. I can’t do this alone."

The jocks looked at each other, horrified, but their bond with Noah was too strong to back away now.

"Dude, you’re gonna be okay," Ryan said, kneeling down beside him. "But we need to check… make sure everything’s good. Just… let us check, alright?"

Noah, panicked and sweating, nodded. “Just… please. I need to know if the cord’s around the baby’s neck.”

Jason swallowed hard, clearly uncomfortable. "Uh, bro, this is, like, way out of our league. But… alright, let’s just do it. We’re here for you."

Reluctantly, they crouched down, awkwardly parting Noah’s legs to check his progress. It wasn’t pretty. They didn’t know what they were looking for, but they did their best. The awkwardness of the situation was palpable, but they kept going, motivated by a fierce loyalty to their friend.

"Uh, no cord," Chad said, looking up in disbelief. "The baby’s good."

"Alright, alright," Kyle said, giving Noah an awkward pat on the shoulder. "You got this, bro. We’re with you."

As Noah’s body heaved with another contraction, the jocks began to cheer him on in unison, their voices uncertain but growing louder. "You can do it, man. We’ve got you," Ryan said.

Noah’s face was slick with sweat, his breath coming in ragged bursts. With one final push, the baby came, crying loudly as it entered the world.

For a long moment, Noah lay there on the grass, exhausted and stunned, the jocks crowding around him in awe.

They looked down at the tiny newborn, and for the first time, the gravity of the moment hit them. But as they stared at the baby, an uncomfortable silence fell over the group.

"Wait a minute," Jason said slowly, his face pale. "Who… who’s the dad?"

Noah blinked, too tired to answer right away.

“I don’t know, man,” Noah mumbled, still catching his breath. "Could be any one of you."

The jocks froze. They glanced at each other, the realization hitting them like a ton of bricks.

"Uh, so… what now?" Kyle asked.

Ryan rubbed his face, looking like he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. "I guess we’re all in this together, huh?"

Noah smiled weakly, gazing down at the baby in his arms. "Yeah. I guess we are."

The jocks, despite their awkwardness and confusion, stood around him, ready to take on whatever came next. After all, that’s what friends did. And in that moment, Noah felt, for the first time in a long time, truly seen for who he was—not just as a man giving birth, but as their brother.

[horce-divorce]

Update for interested parties: the last few days were frought, the situation in Wisconsin was not what we had hoped it would be at all once we got here, and it ended up not working out. Too many people with not enough space and too many clashing needs. it ended up feeling very unsafe for everyone.

We're staying with a different friend instead now, and today their mom/owner of the property not only said we could stay here for the winter if we need to, but also was scheming to try and find us a pop-up trailer this morning which we were totally blown away by, she's wonderful. We still want the kind of mobility where we could take off again at a moments notice, so I'm sorting that out, but we're with friends and thankfully not in a rush to leave again anytime soon.

i'm not sure if a camper is what we'll end up with. It isn't quite as stealthy as i'd like (if we need to urban camp at all it doesnt really work), but it would certainly add a lot of space and be more than doable, and Bel really liked the idea. If that doesn't work out, I'll look at trading our current vehicle for a used camper van in a comparable price range. I've never done that before but I have time to do research.

Thanks to the donations this week, we were able to fill the tank and get Bels meds on the way out here, which was such a huge relief. That gives us at least another month to try to find a prescriber for another refill. We also got a great haul from the food pantry out here, which was fun because the lady we're staying with actually runs it and it's inside an abandoned building.

the pantry was already in the building when it wasn't abandoned. my friend's mom took it over and was allowed to keep it in its original space, but everyone else moved out. My friend had the keys, so they took us in thru the back and this series of totally unlit, crowded corridors with random appliances, furniture, books and clothes, all of it donated. it was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had. I asked to go back to take more pictures, which is why the 2nd pic is lit better.

Their house is also really cool. It's an old farmhouse, much bigger, with fewer people here, and we have a proper room upstairs rather than in an unfinished basement. there's a super comfy bed in here, too. I actually haven't had back pain in the morning here, for the first time since my surgery in May!

Also, absolutely wild shit in the world of drugs: nary a weed dealer to be found in this area, because delta 8 has completely taken over the market. I was deeply unimpressed when I tried it a few years ago, but my friend got us a live resin hhc/cbd/cbg/thcp cartridge and........... I am stoned. Like PROPERLY stoned. I haven't been this properly stoned since like 2013. It does kinda give me a headache, but it also helps the pain and gives me munchies and helps me sleep just like real weed. I even remembered my dreams a bit better than with d9.

Anyway I'm very grateful for my queer community today, for my friends mom who has come to my rescue more times than my own mom, and for everyone who's been invested, sending us money, advice, locations to scope out, items, and links; everyone who's been reblogging; and even everyone who's just listening to us talk and post, watching quietly from the sidelines.

We still have to go retrieve the rest of our stuff from the last place (on Monday), and things always change in an instant. We still have a lot of complex feelings, and this week was especially hard for Bellamy. He's never been through all this before this year, and the 19th was the anniversary of his worst trauma, losing the only good and loving person in his life 6 years ago. To be kicked out specifically on that anniversary was brutal. it made me wish I'd never brought him here. I really thought we'd be better off with that friend than on our own for the winter, and I made a mistake.

But we will still be okay. For now, we aren't alone, we're with good friends in a safe place, we've got food and meds and gas. We even have another place to stay if we change our minds. We check in with each other and process our feelings multiple times per day. It's still hard to get used to coming and going all the time; we stay in one place just long enough to get comfy and then we take off again, which is never long enough form a routine. So we're trying to learn how to do that for ourselves, based on our own needs, rather than around the location. But we're getting used to that, and each other's habits. When I go out to the car for supplies it smells like home in there.

It's hard feeling like we don't belong anywhere, like strangers care more about our wellbeing than our actual families. My dad did give us the car, and six months of insurance. He even renewed my license for me. But neither of my parents checks in on me, asks where we are or how we're doing. My mom seems to be getting more reactionary in her old age; not only did my transition cause a rift between us, she's now doubling down on trying to "cure" my autistic cousin when she knows that for both of us (and for Bel), our autism is a source of pride. She knows my disabilities and neurodivergence are what started this housing instability 10 years ago. She knows my health has been worsening. She doesn't text or call. All of you following this story on here know more about how and where we are than she does.

But times like this show us who our real friends and family are, and it's not the people who've left us to our own devices out here. It's everyone who's been stepping in to ask, "How are you doing? Can I send you anything? Do you need to talk? I love you. I want you to make it." The random guy we met hiking who never told us his name but who told us, "I hope you guys thrive. I really do." It's everyone who's sent us another $10 for our supplies because I haven't spent long enough in one spot to get any work done. It's the people who have never even met us before who offered to take Bel's cats indefinitely, or to let us come stay with them across the country. It's everyone who's pitching together to buy us more time when we need it. Everyone who sees us and bears witness and feels something about it.

At the end of the day, we sort of are choosing this lifestyle; if we wanted out, we would have to stay in one place longer than winter, get jobs, save money, find our own housing. But we kind of don't. Despite the hardships, despite what this journey is revealing about ourselves and the people we thought we could trust, we feel like it suits us to live out of the car. We go where we want, when we want. We don't have to answer to anyone else's schedule. If we want to go south or west when it's cold and visit our friends, all we need is the gas money and the OK to come over. We love the woods and we love living out there. It feels distant and lonely sometimes, but so right. We like getting to bounce around and meet each other's people. We want to see the old growth and the redwoods and the mountains and the seaside and the grand canyon. We want to go to Cuba and Vietnam and Iceland and Denmark. Maybe our health won't allow for us to do absolutely everything we want, but working underpaid jobs and paying rent absolutely won't allow for it. We have a better chance at our dreams now. We can lose our place to stay again and be fine and just keep going; it's not the end of the world. It's what we planned on doing, anyway. No big deal.

Living in the car has already allowed us to do more and have more adventures in just 3 months than we did in 2 whole years of us both being housed. We do have a lot to process emotionally and there's a lot on our plates; it's hard, and we do need a lot of help. It's not always good. Not having access to the internet when we're running out of money and gas and food; not having anywhere to bathe; having to go long distances to collect water even when we're not feeling well; losing things because i put them in the wrong place and drove off; that doesn't even begin to scratch on converting the car for stealth camping, choosing our routes and places to scope for campsites in new areas, or trying to figure out which supplies would actually be more helpful and cost effective in the long run.

But it's still not really any worse than the rat race to stay employed and be good renters. It's just different. And after 10 years of housing instability, and waiting for something to change, it hasn't. I'm growing more and finding more peace by just leaning into it. Trauma and bullshit never ends. Life doesn't ever stop for you so you can think about what just happened; there's never gonna be a perfect, calm time for you to digest everything and then move on strengthened and changed for the next main event. You have to learn how to do all that and keep living no matter what bullshit is ongoing. That's what "rolling with the punches" means. The punches dont stop, you learn to expect them, you move with them. I cant put my life on hold just because I'm homeless. It's not stopping me from doing the things I want. It's not stopping me from being the kind of guy I aim to be, or from making the kinds of choices i want. My life before did that.

Tl;dr thank you for all your help and concern this week, we made it to a different space and are taking some time to breathe. We are feeling more than a bit bruised, this week has been awfully triggering, but we also feel very held right now and we have space to calm down. For another few days at least, it's gonna be okay.

✨️🛸✌️

[cozy2000]

tv shows tumblr should get into but i know they wont because theyre british sitcoms from the early aughts so im gonna give synopses to convince yall otherwise

i know tumblr loves shows about evil people and this show is. exactly that. its a SUPER interesting concept as its a 1st person tv show. like. you are always looking through the eyes of someone and its kept up throughout the entire show, hence the name

main characters are mark corrigan (left) and jeremy "jez" usbourne. both are equally as horrible individuals and the show follows them just really fucking up the lives of everyone around them. also theres a guy (legally) named super hans who does crack. i promise i am underexplaining this show its great

so kinda similar in that you follow awful people, but there's a genuinely Good and Kind guy stuck in the middle, and also its absolutely insane

bernard black (right) is the owner of black books, an endlessly disgusting and poorly run book store. he hires manny (left), a sweet, kind, a lil stupid and almost childish guy to help run the place, and fran (center), the owner of a nearby knick-knack store who tries, along with manny, to try and Fix bernard.

this show is surreal and weird and some parts of it make you think its leaning into having supernatural aspects, but god its so fucking good. they kill the pope. they kill the fucking pope in one episode. manny gets hired as a male porn model. theres a creature of unknown origin and appearance that lives in the dirt of the store. it growls occasionally and they just throw a book at it to shut it up. i think they get deported in one episode? idk man this show is wild

also dylan moran plays bernard, who if you dont know is insanely funny and a really good standup comedian. also no, fran and bernard or manny do not get together. honestly, manny and bernard have more romantic fuel than either of them and fran. its great

[spiderziege]

no.3 for the book ask?

what were your top 5 books of the year?

1) House of Leaves by Mark Z Danielewski

what a ride!! this one took me quite a while but it was incredible. dont think ive ever been so immersed in a book. i kinda wanna reread it a million times because i feel like theres still so many things i missed

2) Blood Horses by John Jeremiah Sullivan

this might honestly be my number one book of the year but i didnt wanna start this list with horse talk. BUT definitely my favorite nonfiction book. its mostly a collection of anecdotes and stories about horse history, culture, and horseracing, and reading it kinda felt like that one clown to clown communication image yknow what i mean. its like this book was written for me personally. i love it

3) Sixteen Horses by Greg Buchanan

another horse book sorry. but this one's a thriller! which isnt usually my favorite genre but i really liked this one. pretty gruesome but i definitely recommend it. i think Buchanan is working on a follow-up novel too so ill probably read that once it comes out!

4) A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami

i read the whole rat-trilogy at the beginning of the year and i liked all of them. very strange but very good

5) Travel in the Mouth of the Wolf by Paul Fattaruso

putting this one on the list is kinda cheating cause i reread it almost every year. but its my favourite book ever and it deserves to be on here. its VERY strange and a bit surreal but the story is very charming. i got my brother to read it this year too and he loved it, which is a high compliment for any book cause he barely ever reads anything. also i named one of our chicken Isabella because of this book

[imjustaf444keriguess]

back to syscourse time for a syscourse

1 - do you have evidence they "pushed back years of progress" by... existing?

2 - deciding how other systems exist online is wild especially with your mindset of systemhood being a disorder only. if systems are just people with disorders, why should they not allow a part of themself as a whole to talk online? as long as they're bodily 13 or older, it's fine*.

3 - what "romanticisation" are you referring to? people existing happily and also being a system?

4 - i have little stake in this because i have not gone through ritual abuse, mind control (attempts), or organized abuse, but at that point just say you've been through ritual abuse, religious abuse, organized (extreme) abuse, have had people try to mind control you / brainwash you... or just say you're an abuse survivor and talk about the specifics to your therapist? why do we have to specify our trauma online? especially for things like number names, which aren't specific to "ramcoa" systems, they're words.

5 - kinda goes with point 4, why would you clarify you're extremely vulnerable online? it is kinda surreal to see you say "This is why I personally share almost nothing about my system." following a comment saying "As someone who experienced organised abuse", like that has to do with your system. i guess you said 'almost' nothing, and you're allowed to share whatever you want, but like... why does it matter all that much? people are allowed to share however much info they want tho, even if i think its too much. no ones entitled to fuck or shit tho

6 - a point i partially agree with. partially because i don't think it can literally happen, but if it's a spiritual belief and you're consenting to the experience and it's not like someone's trying to gaslight you, then i dont care. it can lead to bad situations and people can lie about what happens in your brain after they claim to enter it.

7 - a point i nearly fullheartedly agree with. i think the ONLY times it should be encouraged even to the introjects discomfort is if they're from an extremely problematic source and believing they are that bad person 100%, but even then, that'd be best between the system and a therapist or someone. not random strangers online.

8 - this one's varied. is it the source's name? did they pick it? were they thinking about the culture behind the name? are they using the name in a respectful way or are they disrespecting the culture? overall you cant dictate other peoples names but you can be like "hey picking a japanese name for your "asian" alter is kinda weird i think they should change their name to something different" and share an opinion politely (really only if you are part of the affected culture tho)

9 - internal conversations and co-fronting / passive influence exist, and people relaying that into text isn't a sign of faking. it's a sign of co-fronting or passive influence. 99% of the time, it's not "rapid switching" in the same way actual rapid switching is.

10 - the diagnostic criteria is for the DISORDER, not for the experience of being multiple selves. multiple selves is only a small part of the criteria.

saying "thank you for coming to my ted talk" at the end is wild because all you did was just say things and not elaborate. actual ted talks spend time going into detail about their points, educating people on a subject they think is important. all you did here was say "endos r bad and my opinion on whats REALLY a system is the only real way you can be a system. thank u" and not elaborate.

do you have any research or resources that back up your statements? like, is there any research on whether or not online time is bad for little alters? or do you just think a little / system child is always mentally a child and can't handle "grown up" stuff without any scientific backing for that? are there any resources that say systems have to be rapid switching for two or more alters to be in control of the body in a time period? are there ANY resources that show the claimed "harm" endogenic systems are doing to disordered / traumatized systems? any evidence?

(* i think in some spaces it'd be better to be 18+ and online communities can be damaging for people 13-17 but for most sites you're supposed to be at least 13, and there are sites for people under 13 that system littles can also play on, most don't require a login or any identifying information shared anyway.)

Lukewarm System Takes (Better than that other guy's)

1.) "Endogenic 'systems'" have pushed back years of progress just by claiming to exist. Same goes for "tulpas". They are appropriating a closed culture and are completely warping what having a tulpa truly means. They are not valid.

2.) Littles should not have access to the internet.

3.) The romanticisation of systemhood needs to stop. It is a disability. It is not fun to have.

4.) RAMCOA needs to be renamed and reevaluated as a concept. As someone who experienced organised abuse, I have absolutely 0 support for people using a term rooted in the satanic panic/SRA. RAMCOA is an outdated term.

5.) I do not believe systems should be sharing every detail of their systems and alters. This can and will be used against you by people wanting to hurt you. This is why I personally share almost nothing about my system.

6.) System hopping is not a thing. You cannot transfer part of your consciousness into the consciousness of another person.

7.) Source separation should not be forced. If an introject does not want to separate from source, do not force it.

8.) Having a name from a culture other than the body's is okay. The only issue comes from closed names such as names that must be gifted or earned.

9.) Systems who talk to each other over text (ex. having a whole conversation in a discord server) are very likely faking. Rapid switching like that would cause distress and disruption, and you would be more focused on trying to ground yourself than have a conversation.

10.) "All systems are different" There is a diagnostic criteria for a reason. If you do not meet those criteria, you are not a system.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[wizardhowls]

never grow up & enchanted !!

hi! thank you! 💕

never grow up: it’s not really once single event, but my favorite memories as a child are going swimming with my dad, just the exhilaration of waiting for my dad to come home from work in the summer and me waiting with my floaties lol and the exhaustion that followed. My parents would have to bribe me to to get out 😅. It paid off though since I’ve been a competitive swimmer for two decades now 😂.

enchanted: this is kinda a wild one, but I swear it happened! the morning after my dad passed away I was just sitting on the ground in our garden and this orange butterfly landed on my leg just on its own. It was so surreal to me because 1. My dad loved butterflies 2. Orange was his fave color and 3. We often have monarchs but it wasn’t a monarch it was some other species that I’d not seen before or since! (think it might have been a Gulf fritillary?) Nor have I ever had a butterfly land on me. Idk what to call that moment other than magical ✨🦋

[ochd-deug]

first indycar race Thoughts:

idk if this makes sense but i really like the like aesthetic (?).... post-apocalyptic kinda slay... like the graphics, the garages, the colour palettes

overall i just appreciated the decrease in gratuitous pageantry compared to f1

they call the bits of rubber 'oreo crumble'..... cute...

i definitely get the indycar 'will insert sponsor anywhere' jokes now.... the American 3000 with the Bob's Outdor Gardening Tyre is coming into pit road typa beat.... i love it its camp to me

is flavour flav some type of mascot for them??? as someone who only knows about flavour flav tangentially through tiffafny pollard it was a bit surreal ngl

just really fun high quality racing tbh!! the restart with 10 laps to go was WILD

I swear those commentators love saying 'sting ray rob' so much - but its ok bc i love to hear about sting ray rob as well.... the most Name ever

also people watching from INSIDE A PARKING GARAGE??? 💀

the way the camera stayed on grosjean for a full two minutes after he crashed.... just watching him go through every stage of grief live... poor little meow meow

i also love the way they deal with radios on the broadcast, as well as the radios themselves and the wee exit interviews too

the mclaren on mclaren crime at the end was quite something.... 🫣😭

[decimalpointed]

So long ass drug addiction Steddie fic idea.

Steve's always bought weed from Eddie and as far as rich jock assholes go, he isn't a bad customer. Eddie always overcharges because he knows the Harrington's are rich and Steve never notices or throws any slurs his way during the deal, which all in all, equals good customer.

After Steve's very public break up with Nancy, his face getting beaten in, and his fall from royalalty he turns up at Eddies trailer and asks for something a bit stronger.

Which Eddie is like yeah, sure, of course Steve probly intends to throw a rager, get back into the good graces of popularity, and probly find some beautiful girl to rebound with. Cool. Win win since Eddie could really use some of that Harrington wealth for himself since this asshole has so much of it.

So Eddie shows him the wears and asks what he wants, but Steve doesn't go for the coke or the MDMA or the real wild party drugs. He asks about the very big bag of special k that Eddie had just bought for a pretty penny. Eddie hypes it up a little, because well he is a businessman trying to make a sale and Steve looks keen on the whole 'peaceful bliss' spiel. So he asks how much Steve wants and he just kinda shrugs and shrugs and says "All of it?"

Which Eddie is more than happy to make a quick sale and move product but he isn't a monster and thats a lot of drugs and the last thing he needs is for a party to go south with kids ODing on drugs he sold them cause they don't know what the fuck they are doing. So he pumps the breaks a little and tells Steve he won't sell him the whole bag until he tries a single dose first, here, with Eddie showing him how much he should take so he doesn't OD later.

Steve is hesitant but agrees after Eddie assures him his uncle is on night shift, he can crash on Eddies bed if he needs to while Eddie works on his nerd shit. So Eddie measures out a bump and watches as the King of Hawkins High snorts drugs off his coffee table and its a bit surreal.

Steve is out of it, loopy and sedated so Eddie puts him in bed, puts on a record, and sits at the bottom of the bed with a joint and his campaign notes spread out to basically babysit the dude.

Once he looks over and Steve is glassy eyed but smiling in a way he hasn't really seen before. "How you feeling your highness?" Because he can't help but tease just a little and be a bit smug. And Steve just kind of let's his head loll towards him and smiles wider. "Great." And Eddie laughs and thinks that's the end of it but then- "It's like I know I hate myself, but I just don't care" and he is giggling while he says it but. Eddie thinks he has made a terrible miscalculation. He thinks maybe there isn't any big party.

He isn't sure what to say so he just let's Steve zone in and out and decides once he comes to, he will tell him the deals off and that the first dose was just on the house this one time. He continues working on his campaign, stealing glances at Steve every now and then who shifts from blank contentment to sad smiles and he thinks he sees him crying once or twice.

Eddie is feeling a bit shaken because like what the fuck Steve Harrington is crying in his bed high off his ass and smiling while he does it so he lights himself another joint or two and then he accidentally falls asleep.

When he wakes up Steve is gone, his special k is gone, and in its place is a fat wad of bills thats actually way more than the figure he gave for the price of it all. Eddie feels like utter shit because he thinks he just made a massive mistake.

Que Steve becoming an addict because he just wants to sleep and his life has pretty much fallen apart from everything he has ever known and now his drug dealer seems to be stalking him for whatever reason.

Would love to see Steve being an extremely functional addict slowly getting worse and worse (especially his memory and zoning out), with Eddie popping up everywhere and anywhere trying to look for signs of him falling apart and in active addiction but struggling to find the signs since Steve is still acting so fucking normal but he knows there hasn't been any parties, so where the fuck did all the drugs he sold him go? Also Robin makes things just a tad better on Steve and the Russian drugs make him slow his roll a bit, but well he is an addict so he falls right back into it. Would also love to see Eddie refusing to sell him more but Steve can always find another dealer and then when shit hits the fan with Vecna he is going through withdrawal cause he never restocked and he can't really just do that while babysitting.

[red-wood-reaper]

Putting this all under a cut cuz its long dkjfklhfk

This song has been stuck in my head all day and the lyrics are fairly surreal so I think it fits! also I just wanna show it to other people lol

I have this one that a coworker recommended to me and it grabbed me by the brain? The instrumentals and the singer's vocalizations are wild and the song just goes hard. Makes me feel like i'm in some desolate wild west landscape. It might fit in the surreal aspect. Another song- The Truth, The Glow, The Fall- on the same album might also work!

Some classic rock cuz I listen to a lot of it dkjhfkjh. The song is really good and an Alice in Wonderland themed song might be a good fit for weird

This song specifically by Glass Animals i think is fairly surreal. It starts out fairly normal but as the lyrics go on the song instrumentals turn weird and by the end its just... something. Its very good though and I think Glass Animals have some good kinda surreal songs.

This is a good weird one. Alt-J is weird, the lyrics are weird and the instrumentals are weird so I think it might be good

Put this for last cuz I think this version of the song Brutus is really good for what you might be going for, but the caveat is that the creator is an asshole so you can leave it out if you'd like.

I CALL UPON MY BELOVED TUMBLY FRIENDS TO HELP ME OUT WITH A PLAYLIST!

give me songs that sound to you the way a bad dream feels like. like weird or surreal or uncomfortable or anything.

[sepublic]

Looking back at the fics and content made during the post-Season 1 hiatus, Amphibia really does feel like a completely different show now, as does the fandom. Like, the fandom REALLY grew during Season 2, when beforehand it felt so much smaller and obscure, and...

WOW, it truly has been a journey. For the characters and us. Remembering our speculation and idea of how the show would go after Reunion, and now all THIS... The prophecy turning out in ways we didn’t expect, gem powers theory confirmed, Marcy and her character, the Core...

Just damn. It’s legitimately surreal and I can’t help but genuinely feel for Sprig when he’s reminiscing on his life up until this point during his birthday. It’s like a completely different show. It’s become so much more than we expected and different, but in a good way... It’s crazy to think how the stakes have elevated and changed so much from its simple, humble beginnings as a small story about a girl in a frog world with a toxic friendship. Remember when it felt like little Wartwood and its valley was all there was to the entire world of Amphibia, and how it surely felt that way for a long time for Sprig and Polly?

Sasha’s character has gone places I haven’t imagined, Marcy definitely changed from the original fandom characterization as a mean chaos gremlin, to a more kind-hearted one (but still a chaos gremlin) and an utter nerd... Just, thinking back to the way it felt to perceive the show THEN vs now, the utter whiplash... And it’s wild and unimaginable for me to think that Matt could’ve ended the show at Reunion.

And now we’re in the final lap of Season 3B, awaiting THE final batch of episodes... It really is the end of an era and it kinda feels claustrophobic as time has begun to close in and tighten around me, making me feel existential as I imagine how things have changed, no doubt like how Anne or the Plantars feel when reflecting- As well as existential terror that it’s all beginning to end soon, and I can feel and see it happening before my very eyes, it’s already happened and in motion.

But it’s been a wild and great ride you guys, and I’m sad to see it go, but glad it happened. The road trip end credits of Season 2 really make me think of how it’s about the journey, not the destination... And oftentimes, the friends and family we made along the way. It really does feel like we, as an audience, are intimately experiencing and sharing those private moments with the characters, as a part of the family ourselves.

We feel and look back on this story the same way they do, originally just a small mission to get a girl home, no ancient lore or technology, just a simple life in the community. Thus we truly feel the characters’ melancholy and participate in it, and relate to them all the more because they are us, too, and they are our friends we made along the journey, as the Plantars are to Anne!

[kaythegayest]

Superhero / supervillain au random facts

{starting with the heros}

Sky (Aviate) knows morse code

Time (Shade) keeps track of everyone's birthday so whenever any of the other hero's have a birthday he brings cupcakes.

Sky actually struggled to make friends in the hero building when he joined because his mask looked really intimidating.

Twilight (Rogue)leaves his pens everywhere. So time and sky will find his pens and just keep them on their desk and then twilight will walk in to talk to them about something and be like "hey that's my pen!"

Time spots vigilantes every once in a while but leaves them alone if their not doing anything bad (or if he's too tired to do anything about it)

Twilight has insomnia. Not the diagnosed type, the I-started-watching-netflix-and-said-'one-more-episode'-and-then-i-looked-up-and-it-was-5-in-the-morning type of insomnia

Sky gets bored on patrol so says hi to groose sometimes (groose owns a hot dog van) and he buys lunch. Which, thinking about it now, must be surreal for the other people trying to buy lunch. Like imagine, your standing in lunch for a hot dog, and you feel this intense breeze, as if something just fell. You look behind you for the source of such wind, and you see the number two hero, standing in line behind you. That would be so weird for the average person.

~Vigilante time~

Four (Tetrad) didn't know what to name his hero self, so he just looked up "synonyms for four" and Tetrad came up. And he went, huh. Ok that sounds cool. And just went with it.

Wild's (Suspend) accidentally discovered his power when he was walking in a store and dropped a carton of eggs, the eggs just kinda froze mid air and so did everything else around him and he essentially went "huh. Sick"

wild is ADHD. No it's not up for discussion. He has the attention span of a goldfish on crack.

Four actually pairs up with wild a lot since they live relatively close to each other.

Wild can't do multiplication or division. But is really good with words

Four is dyslexic. But is shockingly good at math

Fours mask not only is the number 4 in Roman numerals (IV), but is also made of titanium. How did he get the titanium? Took apart some guys motorcycle,took the parts he needed, left the rest there. (That stuff is crazy expense. But its free if you just take it.)

!Onto the villains!

Wind (Typhoon) waters Hyrule's (Thorn) plants whenever he gets the opportunity

You cannot tell me Hyrule doesn't have a bunch of chia pets that he got really creative with.

Legend (Hare) has low blood sugar so he has to carry around those grandma candys in his pockets.

Warriors (Captain) is actually very chatty. He gets really talkative when he gets anxious. He'll be fighting someone and start randomly ranting about how kansas is pronounced Kan-sis but Arkansas isn't pronounced Ar-kan-sis and how annoying that is.

Wind, relies on his power more then physical fighting because not only is his power terrifyingly competent but also he needs to release his energy.

Legend likes cacti. Thusfore, Hyrule will randomly leave him potted cacti on his desk.

Legend taps his foot when he gets anxious. Also he will be entertained for hours if you give him a rubix cube.