#why make things easy when instead we can get it 3 months later after we've already processed other things with old information

[iguessitsjustme]

Yesterday, 30 minutes before we closed

Manager: Hey Rae, tomorrow can you do this* and this*

Me: Sure no problem. I can get both things done tomorrow.

Today, at work

Me: Oh I have ~questions

Manager: *on PTO*

Me: Whelp

*both just absolutely awful

[ssahotstuff]

Aaron Hotchner x reader (virgin/innocent reader)

Part 4

Part 3 can be found here

Warnings: fingering, oral fem receiving, unprotected sex, angst with Haley, cursing, some alcohol use, angst in general kinda

Word Count: 5.4k

The day Jack went home, Aaron called Haley beforehand to tell her they needed to talk. You were down the hall with Jack, cleaning up his room with him, helping him organize everything the way it had been prior. You often helped him get ready to go back home, he usually asked you to.

"The next time I come to your house, can we make donuts? I saw a video on YouTube and it looks really easy," Jack often helped you in the kitchen—the two of you were always baking treats for Aaron to take on cases, and to enjoy with the two of you when he came home. Haley's newfound attitude had put a damper on the time you'd usually be spending with him—but hopefully Aaron could convince Haley that you weren't so bad after all.

"As long as your mom is okay with it," you didn't want to crush his spirits, but you were planning from this moment forward to run everything by Haley so you didn't step on any toes.

"I'll ask her when I get home! I have to get your picture too!"

A moment later, Aaron was coming down the hall to collect the two of you so you could leave. Aaron's hand found yours, so instead of getting in the car as he put Jack in his seat, you stood behind him as he worked. Once he had Jack's door closed, he turned to you.

"When we get to Haley's, let me do the talking, that way she gets mad at me, not you."

You nodded, sighing heavily. You didn't want Aaron to be the target of her fury either, and that also meant you were completely unable to defend yourself against anything she might have to say to you in return.

Aaron hated how much this was hurting you. Haley was already unhappy on the phone, and it would only get worse when the two of you arrived to talk. Aaron knew Haley well enough to know she wouldn't make this easy for him, or you, but he had to try.

✨✨✨

45 minutes later, you were seated on Haley's patio in a chair next to Aaron. Haley was sitting across from you while Jack stayed inside with Haley's sister Jessica, who seemed much more pleasant by far. She'd greeted you with a warm smile, and even shot Haley a sideways glance when Haley refused to acknowledge you.

"There's nothing in our divorce agreement that says he's allowed to stay with your girlfriend," she spat, getting straight to the point. You did as Aaron asked and sat quietly, your hands folded neatly in your lap.

"There's also not a single word about him coming home if I have a case," he countered, knowing that was an arrangement she'd decided out of nowhere just to try and get back at him.

"Does she even know anything about taking care of a kid, Aaron? He's on a schedule, I can't have some random stranger you're sleeping with this month—"

Aaron cut her off quickly, his voice calm yet stern.

"That's really rich coming from you—how many random strangers did he see when you were sleeping around during our marriage, Haley?"

You brain was fixated on what she had said—had there been many women before you? Secrets he was keeping because he was embarrassed? He'd only ever told you about Haley, but they'd been apart for two and a half years when you met—that gave him plenty of time to do whatever he wanted.

"You honestly think that little of me, Aaron? Jack never saw a thing on my end," she defended, turning on the tears—Aaron's posture immediately changed when she started to cry; he softened visibly, moving his hands to the table, almost as if he wanted to reach out and comfort her.

"I—I shouldn't have said that, Haley. I'm sorry. I just don't understand why you're changing your mind now. We've been together nearly a year. She's a part of Jack's life," Haley sniffled, wiping her eyes before she said anything else. You felt as powerless as ever, watching her play Aaron like a fiddle.

"You don't even live together—he bounces around enough between my place and yours. He doesn't need another place to get used to."

Haley was finding any excuse in the world to keep Jack away from you. Aaron felt like he was running out of options—there wasn't a clear solution, not one that Haley would agree to anyway.

"She's not going anywhere, Haley. I'm not letting you take this away from me," Aaron was exasperated, feeling like he was being pulled around on a string, still controlled by Haley long after their relationship had ended.

"I'm not budging on this, Aaron. Unless you want to fight me in court, Jack comes home when you get a case. End of discussion."

She stood from the table and opened the door leading inside, signifying that the conversation was over and that the two of you needed to leave. Jack came rushing from his room, running right up to you and Aaron. He gave you both a big hug before turning his attention to you.

"I can't find your picture anywhere. Mommy, have you seen it?"

Haley gave Jack a sympathetic smile before looking to you, shooting you an icy glare before she replied.

"I'm so sorry, Jack! I must've thrown it away," you could hear the venom seething from her words, your heart nearly torn in two at how vindictive Aaron's ex wife could truly be.

Once you were in Aaron's car, you expected him to say something—anything that might make you feel a tiny bit better about the situation. You were stone cold silent, staring out the passenger window as he navigated you back to his house. He had both hands on the wheel, his eyes set straight ahead on the road.

The silence didn't end until his phone rang. He answered it quickly, and you assumed it was work on the other end, about to pull him away from you before you could even talk.

"I'll be there in an hour. You can start without me, I'll get up to speed on the jet," he said, glancing over at you quickly. He knew the timing wasn't ideal, but he couldn't help when his job took him away from you. He hung up the phone and cleared his throat, his hand coming across the console to rest on your thigh.

"I don't think it'll always be like this. She just needs time to get used to you is all," he said, trying to sound as optimistic as he could given the circumstances. In your eyes, Aaron was still trying to defend her—you couldn't imagine having an ex that had done you as dirty as she did—and you especially couldn't fathom defending them over Aaron. You knew there was a major difference—there was a child involved. But you were perfectly capable of taking care of him. Aaron hadn't bothered mentioning that, though.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

You didn't bother looking away from the window. Aaron knew you were upset; you had every right to be. He knew if the roles were reversed, he'd be livid. For the first time in your relationship, he was worried—afraid of how this might make things exponentially harder on you in the future. If Haley didn't come around, it would certainly make your life much more difficult than it needed to be. He was afraid you'd grow tired of the fights and drama and leave him alone—and that was the last thing that he wanted.

When you got back to Aaron's house, he led you inside while he gathered his things to get ready to leave. You sat on the bed and watched him buzz around the room quietly, stewing in your own frustrations about the situation. Aaron let you be; he didn't want to make things worse. He leaned down to kiss you, tilting your chin upward with his fingertips.

"I love you. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

You nodded, smiling back at him—you knew there was so much more that needed to be said, but instead, you told him you loved him too and let him walk out the door. You swallowed that feeling of dread that came from all of your unanswered questions and tried to compose yourself as much as possible. You should've known Haley would outcast you, and you wouldn't dare put Aaron in a position where he had to defy the mother of his child. It would only end bad for everyone involved.

You decided then that Haley would have to try a hell of a lot harder to push you away. Aaron and Jack were your life, your future, and just because she'd let it slip away before didn't mean you were going to make the same mistake.

✨✨✨

When the week began, you tried to put all of your energy into work so you wouldn't have time to think about anything else. At the end of the day on Wednesday, your boss had called you into his office, which had you worried the entire walk from your floor to his. Mr. Jennings wasn't exactly a kind person—in fact, he was terrifying. He wasn't a man of many words, so the fact that he wanted to talk to you had your palms sweating profusely as you knocked on the door to his office. He called for you to come in, so you opened the door and shot him a dazzling smile, hoping it would soften the blow.

"Hi, sir. You wanted to see me?"

He gave you a once-over, taking you in fully, making you feel exposed and vulnerable. He nodded towards the empty chair nearest to you so you sat, crossing your legs and clasping your hands together.

"You've been on fire this week."

You were taken aback that he'd noticed, given his usual lack of recognition to the majority of the people on your team. This was a rare occurrence to your knowledge, so you were slightly baffled.

"Just trying to make the most of my time, sir."

He gave you a tight lipped smile, nodding to the paperwork on his desk.

"More than that. You've exceeded every expectation we have. That's an impressive feat."

You weren't sure what to say, so you just nodded, smoothing out your skirt nervously.

"Thank you sir," you said finally, and he cleared his throat, holding up what looked like a contract—which really confused you.

"I'm offering you a partnership. The flexibility will allow you to work from home if you want, just keep showing me the kind of initiative I've been seeing the last couple of weeks. You'll get a sign on bonus and an official title change; a raise and a car from the fleet, too."

This was the last thing you had expected. You knew you'd been working harder to avoid the current problems at hand, but you didn't know it would lead to such a monumental moment in your career.

"Wow—sir, thank you. I don't even know what to say."

He handed you a pen so you could make it official, shaking your hand firmly as he stood to his feet.

"You can clean out your desk and take the rest of the day off, start fresh at home tomorrow. You deserve it. See Angie at the front desk to get the keys to your new ride," he beamed happily back at you as you gathered your copy of the new contract and headed back to your desk for the last time. You couldn't wait until Aaron was home—there was cause for celebration, and you couldn't have been happier.

✨✨✨

Aaron was running on two days of no sleep when he finally reached his hotel room, exhausted to tears. He collapsed on the bed after kicking off his shoes, immediately checking his phone to see if it was too late to call you. He had to factor in the time zone difference, but it was still kind of early for you, so he hit send, waiting to hear your voice fill the other line.

"Hey, baby. Miss me yet?"

Your lighthearted demeanor was exactly what Aaron needed right now. The case was taking a toll on everyone—the ones involving children usually did. He was praying for a break, desperate to make it back home to you without falling apart beforehand.

"More than you could ever imagine. It's been rough," the last thing he wanted to do was tell you about the case; he couldn't really, and you didn't deserve the nightmares that it would surely cause you.

"I'm so sorry baby. I know it isn't easy. What can I do to make it better for you?" Your voice was soft and as sweet as candy, already easing part of his worries just by answering the phone when he called.

"I just need you, to hear your voice. How was work today?"

Aaron was thrilled to hear about your promotion, the fact that you could work from anywhere really opened a lot of doors for you. You weren't tied down to the office, which meant you could stay with him more and just work from the comfort of his office if you wanted to. You were so excited to tell him, it only made him wish he would've been there when you got off work to hear the news firsthand.

"We'll celebrate when I get back. The ladies have been wanting to see you; we could go out, if you wanted," Aaron typically didn't frequent the team's nights out at clubs, but for you, he was willing to make plenty of exceptions.

"You hate going out," you reminded him, but what he liked didn't matter as long as you were happy in the long run.

You talked until Aaron couldn't hold his eyes open any longer. He knew there was a lot left to be said about the situation Haley had put the two of you in, but for now, all that mattered was that you'd be waiting for him when he got back.

✨✨✨

The next time you saw Haley was without Aaron. He was still out of town, but you'd decided to take your work to the local coffee shop. You hadn't expected to see her, considering this wasn't her part of town, but you decided to say something anyway, just to be polite. You managed to catch her attention as she was waiting for her order, walking up to her with your head held high.

"Haley! How funny running into you here," she nodded back at you, looking around before she spoke.

"I'm surprised you're talking to me without Aaron here to defend you," she quipped, but you weren't taking her bait, not by a long shot.

"Defend me from what, you? I choose not to speak—unlike you, I don't want an argument," it was the last thing in the world that you wanted honestly, but she refused to let things be simple.

"There isn't anything to argue about. You are just a placeholder—something to keep Aaron occupied until he comes back home. You think you'll take my place, be his wife one day? Think again—he may love you, but he will never give you his last name."

She said it as if it were a stone cold fact—that it had already been decided. You didn't let this break you; you kept a brave face and blinked back the frustration so you could have the last word.

"Believe me when I say that the second we decide to get married, you'll be the first one with an invitation, Haley. Wouldn't want you to miss out on Aaron marrying the love of his life," you gave her the brightest smile you could muster before walking back to your table and continuing your work. She was playing a dangerous game, trying to come between you and Aaron—one that she wouldn't win, no matter how hard she tried.

✨✨✨

"So, have you met Haley yet?"

Emily was the first to ask after they practically pulled you to the bar to do shots. Aaron had given you a happy nod and told you to go have fun, sitting in a booth with Spencer and Derek. You were sandwiched between Emily and JJ, and Penelope was to your far left, listening in when she could. The topic of Haley piqued everyone's interest, so you had their full attention.

"Oh yes. She hates me, to put it mildly," you told them, and Emily snickered in response.

"I'll bet she does. You're pretty, funny, and young! I'm sure she despises you," Emily said, passing you a shot before taking one for herself.

"You can't let a woman like Haley bring you down. She didn't want Hotch, but she didn't want to see him happy with someone else. It was so toxic," JJ explained. You wondered how Aaron had lasted so long in something so obviously deteriorating; did he see the signs and ignore them? Would he do the same in your relationship? You'd never know, but you'd always wonder.

"Sounds like it," you agreed, hoping the conversation shifted to something lighter—you didn't want to spend your night of celebration talking about the one person in the world who couldn't stand you.

From across the bar, Aaron could see your discomfort. He was immediately rethinking the entire night judging from the look on your face alone. He didn't want to interrupt if you were busy, so he sent you a text asking if you wanted to meet him outside for some air instead. He went in the direction of the front door, deciding he'd wait for you at the side of the building where it was less crowded.

You didn't bother replying—you told the girls you needed some air and they let you go without argument. You had just rounded the corner when you saw him, leaned up against the brick wall of the building. Even in the lamplight he looked delicious; you were convinced he'd worn the olive green polo just to tease you all night. His arms were practically bulging through the tiny sleeves; you'd caught more than one woman staring at him tonight.

Your fingers felt his belt loops as you leaned into him, resting your head on his chest. You could still hear the music pouring from the speakers inside, but you could feel the drumming of his heart, beating wildly in his chest.

"Talk to me; you don't look happy," Aaron could tell your mood had been off for days, but he hadn't said anything. This was the first time he'd seen you in five days, so he hadn't really had the chance. He'd known something was up though, just from your voice on the phone.

"I'm fine, really. I just have a headache is all," you told him, but he wasn't buying it—not tonight.

"Don't tell me that. Something's going on with you, and I can see it. Is this about Haley? Is that what you want to do tonight?" He knew how accusatory it sounded, but he couldn't take it back now. Your hands fell from his sides and you backed away, taking a step forward back towards the door.

"No, it isn't. I'm not doing this, Aaron."

You sighed heavily before making your way back inside. Aaron stayed behind for a few moments, giving you enough time to find the girls before he came back inside. He decided then that he'd keep his distance for the rest of the night—he'd already made you upset when the night was supposed to be centered around you.

Derek gave Aaron a curious look when Aaron joined him at the table. Aaron sipped his drink and prayed no one said anything, but Derek wasn't letting him off that easily.

"Trouble in paradise?"

Aaron shook his head, not wanting to air out their business, but at the same time, he did want an outside perspective on things.

"I don't know. Haley doesn't like her—I'm in a tricky position trying to make them both happy—trying to keep things civil," he finished off the rest of his drink and decided he was done for the night so he could drive the two of you home.

"Woah—why in the world do you care about making Haley happy? Haley isn't your friend, Hotch. She's your ex wife. You have a custody agreement signed by a judge—she can't keep Jack from you. Pleasing my ex wife would be the last thing on my mind if I had a woman like you've got," Derek said, glancing towards the bar where you sat, looking like there was a personal rain cloud above your head, pouring on what was supposed to be a good night.

"It's not about pleasing Haley—it's about Jack's parents getting along to some degree."

Derek shook his head, leaning in closer.

"You pick Jack up, and drop him off. There is no getting along. What do you have to talk about? You're not friends, Hotch! The longer you ride the fence, the higher your chances are of only having Haley to turn to in the end," he said flatly, standing up to go to the bar. He left Aaron alone to think about what he'd said; as much as he hated to admit it, Derek was right.

You were seated between Emily and JJ when Aaron came up behind you, leaning down to whisper in your ear.

"Want to get a milkshake before we head home?"

Aaron was trying to salvage what was left of your night, hoping you wouldn't turn away from him again. You gave him a nod and said your goodbyes, taking his hand as he led you to the front door. As soon as you'd made your exit he was turning to you, taking both of your hands in his.

"I'm sorry. I've been handling this all wrong, this situation with Haley. I've been trying to put your feelings and hers in the same category and that isn't fair. I don't care what Haley thinks; I only want you to be happy," he told you, his eyes full of remorse. He hated that you spent so much of your night mad at him over what he'd said.

"It's okay, Aaron. I don't ever expect you to be on my side when it comes to Haley. You two have a lot more history than we do; I get it, really," even though you understood, it didn't make it hurt any less. Haley thought that their past trumped his current feelings.

"I'm always on your side! I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am," he defended, raising his voice loud enough to draw the attention of a group of young guys passing by. One of them quickly asked if you were okay and you nodded, removing your hands from Aaron's grasp so you could wipe the tears from your eyes.

"So I'm just supposed to sit around and listen to her talk about me like I'm not in the room for the rest of my life? And what's even worse is that you don't open your mouth to defend me, not even the slightest."

You turned around and walked in the direction of the car with Aaron on your heels. He unlocked the car so you could climb in, waiting to start the vehicle until you'd finished your conversation.

"I know that I let her get away with saying some inexcusable things. That's on me. What I'm telling you now is that I won't ever do it again. I'm aware that I've made mistakes—please let me fix them."

He opened the glovebox and found you a pack of tissues, moving the middle console so he could come closer. He dabbed at the mascara running down your  face gently, trying not to irritate your skin. Your breathing was shaky and shallow as you tried to calm down, finally turning to look at him for the first time since you'd gotten in the vehicle. The minute your eyes caught his gaze, his face softened, his hand coming to cup your face as you leaned into his touch.

"She made me feel so stupid, Aaron. It's all I've thought about since it happened," Aaron took you in his arms, kissing you on the top of the head as you finally gave in and let him comfort you. He'd been gone so long it felt silly to fight it any longer; now that the air had been cleared, you finally felt like you'd be able to rest. You'd spent the week stressing about Haley and the interaction you'd had with her; wondering how you were going to confront Aaron and finish your conversation. Between that and your new job title, your week had been a big ball of nerves. You were finally getting the chance to calm down a little.

"I love you so much. I'm so sorry she made you feel that way; I'll never let her get away with it again baby. I thought I was keeping the peace, but I was just making a mess," he explained, letting go of you long enough to try to get a look at your features in the darkness of the car. He hated to see you upset, especially because of something that he'd done.

"I love you. I know you had good intentions, Aaron. I also know we're both new to this. We're gonna figure it out together, okay?"

Aaron was thankful for your patience; he'd never expected to love anyone else, so he was clueless as to what he was supposed to do when it came to Haley. Clearly he hadn't been making the right choices up to this point; he'd have to change or risk losing you, and that wasn't happening.

"Together. Now let's get you that milkshake."

✨✨✨

Later that night you were tucked into bed next to him, his shirt draped over your body, his hand on your bare thigh as the tv droned on in the background. You stopped paying attention to it when his hand began to move upward, his eyes still trained on the television. Before you knew it, he was parting your thighs, scooting down on the bed so he could lay between your legs. It started innocently enough; his head on your thighs as he tried and failed to focus on the movie he'd picked out. Soon enough, he gave up, rolling over on his stomach so he could kiss the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs. After a rocky start to your night, Aaron was going to make sure the remainder of the evening was spent making you happy.

"I love you—so fucking much," he breathed, his mouth hovering directly above your center, nothing but a tiny piece of fabric in the way.

"I love you, Aaron. Always," you promised him as his hands crept upward to pull your panties down. Aaron took a deep breath as he spread you open, eyes darting between you and your dripping core. He ran a teasing finger through your slick before settling on your clit, rubbing small, precise circles over your bundle of nerves. He always knew exactly how to touch you, driving you mad as soon as his hands were on your body.

"Yes baby," you panted, so Aaron sped up a little, his lips curling into a grin as you shook, your legs wiggling with a mind of their own. Aaron yanked his shirt over his head and disappeared between your thighs, sucking your clit between his lips, causing your back to arch immediately. Aaron's tongue was relentless against you, the orgasms becoming more powerful as time passed by. Aaron loved seeing you like this, your eyes glassy, lips pouty and swollen as you stared down at him.

Aaron would never get tired of pleasuring you—it was something that he quite literally ached to do. His mind ran rampant with thoughts of how he could fuck you, new things he could try with his tongue to keep you satisfied. He wasn't typically the kind of man to try new things, but late at night when he was away from you, he'd browse the internet for things that he'd never expected to enjoy, making a mental list of things he could introduce to you.

Aaron's mouth worked tirelessly against you, and soon enough he was coating his finger in your arousal so he could slip it into you, curling it perfectly against your sweet spot. You saw stars as his finger pumped into you and his tongue swirled around your clit, your hands falling to his hair out of reflex. He whimpered as you tugged lightly at his hair, so you peered down to make sure what you'd done was okay. You hadn't expected him to be looking back at you, his cheeks tinted red, his lips glistening in the lamp light.

"Do that again," he hissed, so you pulled a little bit harder and he nodded, licking his lips before he reattached them to your core. He was always so content between your legs; you could only lay back and enjoy him in all of his perfection, baffled that you had such an attentive, loving man.

Aaron had lost count of how many times you'd came on his tongue; he wasn't sure any amount would ever be enough to satisfy his hunger for you. He'd been busy so long that when he glanced to his left, he noticed the sky changing from a dusky purple to a kaleidoscope of pinks and oranges. He chuckled lowly as he came up on his knees, nodding to the window so you could see too.

"I want to be inside of you as the sun comes up," he whispered, taking his time pressing into you. He was always so patient with you, giving you plenty of time to adjust to his massive member—you'd never get used to the way he felt when he first slid into you. His hand found yours as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your lips as his hips began to move. You were finally to the point that there wasn't a single moment of being uncomfortable anymore—it was all pleasure now. You were amazed how he could always make you feel like you were on top of the world; it was a feeling you never expected to go away.

"You're perfect, baby. You make me feel complete," he told you before his lips connected with yours, possessive but so tender—it made your heart swell ten sizes.

"I hope you stay forever," you said through clenched teeth as you found your high, Aaron's lips pressing kisses along your neck and jaw as he fucked you through your orgasm. You could tell by the way his pace had quickened slightly that he was close, seconds away from his own release. You held his face in your hands, making sure he was looking right at you.

"Fill me up, Aaron, please," you begged, and Aaron came with a shudder as soon as the words left your mouth. Your sensual words were music to his ears, and he hoped the more time you spent being intimate together, the more open you'd be. You were still getting the hang of things now, trying to figure out what you liked, what felt good. Aaron was glad that it was him to be able to help you through it all.

The sun crept over the horizon just as he slid out of you and got you cleaned up. For a moment he just stood and watched until you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind, kissing the middle of his back.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" You said, admiring the colors of the morning sky, something you usually missed because you were asleep.

"It is. I'm glad I got to see it with you," he turned to kiss you, letting you wrap up in the covers before he came to join you. He knew he'd be exhausted later, that the two of you would have a hard time sleeping now that the sun was out, but he didn't regret a minute of it, not when you were by his side for it.

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[eagles-translated]

Answering Eagles questions before the season 3 finale (Part 2/2)

I've received a bunch of questions since 3x08 and 3x09 dropped, so I compiled all the questions into two posts. I had to split them up because Tumblr only allows 10 images per post. Anyway, keep reading to see my answers and enjoy! 👇

There might be some kind of collaboration between Amie and Ludde like last season—we have only heard snippets of Ludde's song submission to the music school and it wouldn't surprise me if we saw Amie perform the song in its entirety in the last episode. I touched on this a little in part 1 of answering these questions.

It seems like Amie singing at the end of the season has become kind of a recurring theme. She performed “Follow” in 1x08 and “Second Sight” in 2x10 (on the radio, but my point still stands). I wouldn’t be surprised if they followed this trend by having Amie perform a new song in the season 3 finale.

I'm not sure if she'll recommend Ludde to the record label, though. I honestly still feel like Amie's whole storyline with sending in a rather basic demo written by two teenagers with little to no experience and then getting praised on it with comments such as "it's going to be a real summer hit" felt so unrealistic to me. Maybe they only said that so Amie would accept their offer or something, but that's still very strange because she would have still said yes without a doubt.

I can understand that they thought Amie was marketable as a person and there was this bonus with her having gone viral before on Felicia's Instagram, but that demo did not seem good enough for me to be immediately released as a single and then have them decide on the spot that Amie would be given a contract.

I mean, come on. It never felt earned because we never really saw Amie struggling with her songwriting journey to achieve this dream. Sending in one demo to one record label and having them immediately want to make a whole album with you just doesn't happen in real life unless the song is extremely good or you have a very unique voice. Amie is really talented but there are hundreds of people just like her, if not thousands. I was never convinced by her getting signed so quickly in season 2.

I understand that they wanted to establish her as a successful artist, but that felt so rushed. I was so sure that the record label would screw her over and steal the song rights to record it with another artist who was already established, and that we'd have to see Amie work even harder to achieve her dreams. But we didn't get that at all. Where was the struggle?

Anyway, I'm getting a little off-topic here. To be honest I have a lot of problems with the writing sometimes, even if I still love the show and its characters. Of course I wanted to see Amie achieve success (and I was happy when she did), but the journey there was so bizarrely easy.

She didn't start to seriously work on making her music career become a reality until season 2. Amie had dabbled in music prior to that, like when she auditioned for the school band and did that performance of Follow, but she didn't truly start to work towards it until season 2 when she decided to have her work sent to professionals in the business. And then, just five episodes later, she gets contacted by the record label in Stockholm.

To put this into context—season 2 took place somewhere around March, and episode 5 around three weeks into April. So when Ludde first started helping Amie it took less than two months for her to get signed. You could argue that the song was just that good or that Amie is just that talented, but it never felt like a realistic storyline to me.

So, back to your question! I need to stop getting so sidetracked while answering these haha. I don't think it would be realistic for the record label to hire a teenager with no professional songwriting experience, likely a very small portfolio of his own work in both size and variety, having a criminal record, and on top of that being infamous in the press for abusing his ex-girlfriend. If Amie offered the ultimatum to her label that she'll only return with Ludde, who has an incredibly bad reputation right now, it feels like she would be running the risk of losing the contract entirely.

There's only so much her label can put up with. We've seen Amie ignore their calls with no intention of reassuring them that she's coming back soon. Honestly, with the way things are looking right now it makes the most sense for the contract to be dropped. By Amie or by the label, I don't know.

The episode description for the season finale says that Ludde will get some sort of justice and it could be about his music (or something related to whatever Andreas is doing).

I believe Amie will be doing a live performance of Ludde's song at a New Year's Eve party in episode 10 but I doubt that Ludde will be picked up as a producer. If he actually does I would find that to be a very unrealistic plot point, to be completely honest with you.

This is an issue I had with 3x08 and 3x09 as well. I had a hard time actually enjoying the moment between Felicia, Klara, and Amie knowing that her family was getting increasingly worried for her and even thought for a short moment that Felicia was lying dead at the bottom of the ocean. All that could've been avoided.

To add, it didn't make a lot of sense to me that when Klara finally decided to call someone she called Amie instead of Elias. An ex-friend of Felicia's instead of her brother who could've helped a lot more. What was Amie supposed to do when she showed up at the hotel, exactly?

I know there was the thing with Klara only knowing Amie's number off the top of her head, but there is no reason why she couldn't have gone down to the reception while Felicia was sleeping and asked to use a computer just to get a quick message to Elias. Like, "hey, Felicia attempted something bad but she's safe with me, we're at this hotel in this room but she didn't want me to call anybody, I don't know what to do". That would've been so much better than keeping quiet about the situation for nearly 24 hours.

I know that Klara probably has trauma from leaving her dad at the hospital after his suicide attempt and that she probably didn't want to go against Felicia's wishes. I understand the first part 100%. But Felicia was in a very bad place emotionally and was thinking that her whole family hated her when that wasn't the case. I feel like in a situation like that you kind of have to be the bad guy just to ensure the family that Felicia was safe. Even if everything turned out alright in the end, it could've gone so much worse if Felicia had wanted to be kept hidden for longer.

The ending of 3x08 was super tough to watch and I can't imagine the feeling of thinking your only daughter/sister drowned herself after you just yelled at her and showed no support. Klara couldn't have known any of this, but I feel like she should've at least contacted Elias if she wasn't taking Felicia to a hospital.

Elias calling Amie would've been an easy solution to this whole debacle but we would've lost the drama. It's still somewhat of a plot hole though, like you said.

Thank you for reading that whole post @detectivejulesohara!

The clip you're referring to was posted on Yandeh Sallah's Instagram account, so not in a trailer for this season.

I think that was either just fanservice or it will appear in season 4 since it was posted in May of this year, and I believe the filming of season 3 had already wrapped by then.

It might indicate that Elias and Amie will be a couple by season 4 (this actually seems very likely regardless if this is actually part of a scene or not).

I think Elias is getting increasingly frustrated with hockey and the fact that he doesn't really have any other ambitions to strive for. He was raised with nothing but hockey surrounding him and it's in his blood. Elias got drafted to the US at around the same age as Mats, but Elias left after a year because he just wasn't progressing.

That must feel like a huge step back, and on top of that Mats was probably thriving in his successful career around the age that Elias is now. It's a tough difference in success to have weighing on your shoulders when you're in a team that's second to last in the rankings.

There's even the accusation in the press that Mats paid for Elias to advance in the rankings, and I'm sure that's going to affect his career negatively.

I think Elias overworking himself could also be the result of him feeling like he has to prove that returning to Eagles—a small club that is probably having their worst season ever—was in fact the right choice and not the death of his elite hockey career. That choice was very questionable from the very start and his agent advised against it. Even Mats found it strange. Elias said that he didn't really have a choice most likely because of the clause in his contract, but then he also claims to Mats that things just turned out that way.

Ludde: You don’t regret coming back [to Eagles]? Elias: I didn’t really have a choice.

The idea that he didn't have a choice in the matter doesn't seem accurate. His agent told him there were other alternatives like Jokerit (a professional ice hockey team based in Helsinki, Finland) and that they could find something better than Eagles. Elias seemed kind of defeated already and the decision to return to Eagles didn't feel thought-through at all. It's almost like he just didn't care.

Agent: [...] Jokerit has called and I’ve had a great conversation with them, so they’re on. Elias: You know what? Let’s skip all the trouble. Let’s go with Eagles, it’ll be great. Agent: What? Elias: I’m so tired of moving all the time anyway, plus I’ll be close to my family. Agent: Wait, I thought that you— Eagles has big economical problems, and… Sorry, but their season started awfully. We can get a better team. You understand, right? Elias: Yeah, but we can’t get a team that needs me as much. Plus— If they say they want to see development, I’ll give them that. Agent: Wait— They’re under the line. We’re talking about qualifying down directly. You can’t in earnest believe you’ll change that on your own. Elias: It’s perfect. I’ll only go up, as you like to say.

It also seems like he's maybe realizing that hockey isn't everything and that there are other things he might want to explore and pursue in his life. I think Elias is feeling kind of stuck right now. He's been training his whole life for one purpose which is a professional career in hockey, and maybe he feels like Mats wouldn't allow him to quit. That option doesn't exist to him.

Like you said, Mats had that comment where he labeled Ludde a "quitter" and Elias stressed the fact that there shouldn't be anything wrong with losing interest and deciding to pursue something else.

Mats: Can you imagine that he’s just quitting? I mean, I’m completely— He really didn’t strike me as a quitter. So fucking close. [...] Elias: [...] Ludde, he’s… He’s not a quitter, he’s just didn’t want it anymore. That should be fair.

However, quitting is seen as failure to Mats. Mats dropped everything when he got drafted. He left his relationship with Petra seemingly without a second thought, because hockey comes before everything for Mats. Felicia even mentioned back in season 1 how her father was just a voice in a telephone for most of her childhood. He barely had any presence in her life because he was busy with hockey.

When Klara tells Elias that he's always putting hockey first, he gets angry but he doesn't outright deny it. In fact, he kind of changes the subject to shift attention away from Klara's claim.

Klara: This— You haven’t changed at all. You’re always putting yourself first. Elias: Excuse me? Klara: Yes, it’s either you or hockey. Elias: Stop! What the— Klara: I can’t take this. Elias: Are you leaving now? I wasn’t the only one you dumped. You’ve been acting like shit to Felicia. Yeah, and Amie and Ludde too, for that matter. You haven’t thought about that? So don’t come here and say I’m the egoist.

This is kind of an interesting thought—that maybe Elias subconsciously knew that was Klara is saying is true to some degree and that he has been putting hockey first. He decided to get on the train to the draft combine in Seattle instead of staying with Klara, and a year later he realizes that things didn't turn out the way that he'd planned and he returns to Eagles.

Maybe Elias is trying so hard to be someone who he just isn't, and it's affecting so many aspects of his life negatively. He lost Klara, he had to repeat almost his whole last year in high school because of moving to the US, and now he seems to be stuck in Oskarshamn. He's previously expressed to Amie that this isn't necessarily where he wanted to end up.

Elias: [...] Hey, is it just me or is there something about this town that… It sort of feels like no matter how much you try to get away, it… It pulls you back somehow.

It's kind of strange that he doesn't want to be in Oskarshamn, and yet he was the one who chose to return. Maybe he somehow feels like he has some purpose there because it keeps pulling him back. He just doesn't know what that purpose is.

Elias tried coming back to Eagles to turn things around for them, and they did win a game against the Capitals but that victory was later tarnished by the fight that broke out between the two teams (and to add to this, the loss of Ludde who used to be one of the star players and Klara as a sponsor). That kind of overshadowed their whole victory. Elias was very determined to do something to help and it very much feels like he needs Eagles to succeed—he needs to sort of "redeem" himself.

Elias: [...] Can I do anything? Can I go talk to— I could go talk to the sponsor. Mats: Let’s deal with it later. I’ll solve this. You have to go to school now. Elias: But we can finish talking— Mats: You can— No. Try to think of something else. Alright?

I think that Elias's desperation for Eagles to do well could absolutely lead to him eventually deciding to be a coach. He doesn't really seem to want the life that Mats had after seeing how success turned out for him—a broken family that he barely cares about because hockey occupies his mind more than caring for his children or repairing the relationship with Leila.

I think Elias being a hockey coach could suit him, but I would also love to see him exploring things outside of hockey—maybe even his interests outside of sport entirely.

I kind of agree with you on this. Klara has apologized to Felicia and been forgiven, but we've never seen her properly apologize to Amie for filming that video of her and posting it on social media. Amie and Ludde were in the wrong, yes, but that video being posted was humiliating for both of them. They had to deal with the ramifications of that for months after with the whole school judging them in silence.

To be fair, the video was posted a long time ago in the show's time frame (nearly two years ago if I'm right?) and they all kind of moved on from it. To add to this, maybe she felt it would've been kind of awkward to apologize with Felicia in the room.

Felicia was so hurt by that video being posted and I think it would feel very weird for her that Klara would apologize for posting the video when it's the sole reason Felicia found out what had been done to her. Without that video, she would've probably gone a few more months without being told what happened at the Halloween party.

I'm waiting for a Klara and Amie reconciliation in this season finale. I feel like this is something that should be discussed between just the two of them, and maybe they'll sneak in some blessing from Klara with the whole budding Elias and Amie relationship? I'd be happy with just a reconciliation, though, but I'm unsure if we'll get one. I have a feeling they'll start the season finale with a time jump and I don't know if Klara is even going to be in Oskarshamn by that time.

If we don't see them reconnecting in the season finale I will be pretty disappointed, to be honest.

Thank you! I really appreciate you too @lunawedlers (your gifsets are absolutely magical)!

This question was sent in a while ago but as season 3 had just started airing I was very excited to see the development of Elias and Amie, mostly because the director had been hinting on Twitter that something would happen between them this season. I've been really interested in them ever since 1x03 and so far the wait has been worth it.

I think all episodes have great visuals, but if I had to pick one I would probably say 3x06. All those shots of Elias and Amie on the walk through the park, the drone shots, and then the view from that bench spot were so gorgeous visually. That answer is more of a scene rather than a whole episode haha, but I think they really made the beauty of Oskarshamn stand out in those shots.

I think Amie will have some sort of performance in the final episode of a new song and that Elias will be watching her! After reading the episode description for the final episode and seeing that there will probably be some New Year's Eve party going on, I have a feeling that Amie will be performing. She's always had a performance of a new song in every season finale and this one should be no exception.

They tricked us a little in the season 3 trailer with us thinking that Elias would be at one of Amie's concerts in Stockholm, but now I'm sure that this scene fits in at the New Year's Eve party.

I think we should keep our expectations low for a kiss between Elias and Amie. They just started developing their relationship, and I like the slow pace they're going in. They're not rushing anything. I also have this feeling that their development has deliberately been so slow because they're sort of "saving the best for last".

Elias and Amie are fan favorites and their relationship has been very talked-about from the beginning. I can see the writers maybe having decided to push their relationship more towards the end of the show, which is why we haven't really gotten any Elias and Amie content until now. That's frustrating if you're impatient and I've seen some people thinking that maybe Elias and Amie won't happen at all, but I don't think we need to worry at all. The fact that Elias and Amie's development has been so slow should indicate that they're much more likely to be endgame.

A kiss in episode 10 could definitely happen, but I don't know. Maybe they'll drag it out further. As I've said before, if they don't get one in season 3 they will absolutely be getting one in season 4. I've noticed that it's always best to keep your expectations low when it comes to this couple.

The episode description for the season finale said this about Elias, which some have interpreted to be about Amie.

New Year’s Eve is here. [...] But is Elias brave enough to say what everyone else already knows?

This could mean anything, really. I'm actually leaning more towards this being about an individual thing rather than Amie being involved. It could be about Elias admitting that he's been overworking himself and not eating properly, or coming clean about the fact that maybe he doesn't want a career in hockey. This is something that everyone else already knows, so I think it might be about hockey.

Felicia has observed the overworking, Mats has told him to stop with it, and Ludde might've had some inkling about it while he was still on the team. Even Amie has probably also noticed that he's been spending a lot of time at the gym lately.

I could absolutely be wrong about this though.

Thank you for the question @lunawedlers!

This is a hard one because season 3 has had so many strong episodes already, and usually my favorite episode ends up being the season finale because it's basically the culmination of the whole season. I really loved 2x10 for this very reason since the ending montage was so well done.

If I had to pick between 3x01 - 3x09 though I would probably have to say it's a tie between 3x04 — Date night and 3x05 — Wounds! These two episodes showcased what Eagles should be all about so well, which is relationships plus the struggles you go through as a teenager in a small town, and then of course hockey. The hockey game episodes are really good, even if I don't think 3x05 topped 2x05 (the game where Ludde got tackled and knocked out).

I loved the contrast in Date night of the budding relationship between Elias and Amie and then that fight between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff. That whole scene between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff was actually really beautiful, especially when the sun had gone down.

It was interesting to see how this sweet gesture from Felicia turned into a fight between the two of them. I thought that was very realistic, because no matter how big of a gesture Felicia made to apologize there were still underlying problems that they needed to talk about.

I also loved the "non-date" between Elias and Amie in this episode. It was cute to see them goofing off before the movie started and then talking about it on the way home. I liked how Elias could connect to her on how they had both returned to Oskarshamn.

The recent episodes that dropped last week (3x08 and 3x09) were very strong and discussed some important subject matters, but I had a few problems with them that I discussed in a question above. They were dark, but not necessarily bad because they needed to happen.

However, I have to say that I prefer Eagles when it's about hockey and teenage relationships. 3x04 and 3x05 made me kind of nostalgic for season 1 and I liked the vibe they both had.

I agree, but I think we could maybe get a combination of both! Relationships can have all these romantic and sweet traits like you described, but also be more passionate and show public displays of affection.

I think Elias and Amie fit the more laid-back and sweet characteristics, but we have yet to really see what Amie is like in a relationship. We've seen her with a crush on Ludde and we got a glimpse of that thing she had with Robin (which was apparently a relationship but I did not pick up on that at all), but we don't really know what Amie is like in a relationship. Maybe she's never really had a "real" one, either.

Nevertheless, I'm excited to see what's in store for Elias and Amie. I'm very positive that they will eventually become a couple in season 4.

[senterya]

It's been an absolute joy reading people's takes on the OC interview that has been floating around recently.

The idea of a Pale Rose interview (read: Fyarh and Nym dragging ex-courtier Reln into this) sounded so oddly entertaining that I wrote it for myself for fun but it turned out... surprisingly okay? So I'm gonna leave it here.

OC Interview: Pale Rose edition

(Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions!)

1. Can you introduce yourself?

Fyarh: Sure. I’m Fyarh, founder and – formally – leader of Pale Rose. I’m also the head of the Dreamers’ division in our guild. (turns to the other two) And they are Nymeleia and Reln, head of the Soundless and Courtiers, respectively.

Nymeleia: (with a wide smile) Glad to be here!

Reln: (remains silent – just nods a little)

2. What is your gender identity, orientation, and relationship status?

Fyarh: (after a few seconds of thinking) I’m male, maybe prefer others who identify as that too? Didn’t think too much about it before.

Nymeleia: I’m looking both ways. I’m female and taken, you could say.

Reln: Why is this even– (exhales) ...I’m male, I don’t care what my partner identifies as. And my relationships are not for the public to chew on.

3. Where and when were you born?

Nymeleia: Back in the Grove, all of us. I awoke at Dawn and the boys are both Night blooms.

4. What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

Fyarh: I’m best at stealth and surprise – daggers work just fine with that. If it’s an open confrontation, I prefer a light sword that doesn’t hinder my agility. But I’m trained and still training in hand-to-hand combat too.

Nymeleia: I was trained at the Vigil to be the shield, not the spearhead of the attack. I stay behind and make sure nothing hits that shouldn’t. I utilize shades and magic so technically I don’t need a weapon – a staff or scepter can help, though. I also carry a dagger on me, just in case.

Reln: I’m best with a bow. Two-handed sword if it comes to that. But whatever does the job, really.

5. Lastly, are you happy?

Fyarh: (smiles and glances at the others) I am. I’m on the path my Wyld Hunt laid out to me and I got great allies and friends that are with me every step I take. I’m truly grateful for that.

Nymeleia: (with a soft smile) I feel like I found my calling here. I’m working on a cause and with people that are amazing. I’m pretty happy with that, yes.

(both look over to Reln)

Reln: (after a few seconds of silence, with a cynical smile) Are we just supposed to say yes or no to that? Like happiness is that easy to define. (he glances to the side for a second.) But it’s been better here. Take that as a yes.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

1. What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

Fyarh: The guild is the closest I have to a family in a sense you ask. I think? I’m on good terms with everyone – luckily, I mean... (he laughs a little nervously) ...it’s as it should be.

Nymeleia: I’m with Fyarh on this one. The sylvari in Rose are the closest people to me.

Reln: It really is pointless to ask sylvari about “family” – we’re all technically related, but are strangers at the same time.

Nymeleia: (with a smile she barely tries to hide) You are dodging the question.

Reln: I’m not dodging anything, I’m being reasonable. I have close friends, and allies – call that a family, if you want to.

2. Have you ever run away from home?

Nymeleia: We’re all sort of runaways, aren’t we? (she laughs) I’m Soundless, I left the Grove quite early, then joined the Vigil. Does that count?

Fyarh: It counts. But just so that you don’t feel left out. (Nymeleia gasps and mimics trying to kick him in the shin, they both laugh. Takes them a few more seconds to get back on track.)

Fyarh: I used to sneak away a lot when I was supposed to be in lectures. I loved discovering Caledon, I knew every corner of it so well when I was a sapling. Maybe I’d still remember if I walked around.

Reln (after everyone looks at him): ...I’m from the Court. I think that’s self-explanatory.

Fyarh: But didn’t you also wander away a lot?

Reln: You could say. I preferred being alone. Hunting was a good excuse.

3. Would you consider marriage or having children?

Fyarh: In the far future, maybe? I’m still very young though, and my hands are full with my guild and my Hunt. It’s definitely not something I think about a lot.

Nymeleia: Marriage sounds cute – I like the idea of honoring commitment with a little ceremony.

Reln: Neither of those seems to be for me.

Nymeleia: (quietly) Ah, my heart.

(Reln glances at her, but doesn’t respond.)

4. Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

Fyarh and Nymeleia: No...?

Reln: (slightly annoyed) Is it even a friend if you hate them? Next question.

5. Which friend knows everything about you?

Fyarh: Maybe Daleien? We've known each other for the longest, and he was with me through thick and thin. Nowadays I share a lot with Nym and Reln too. I used to be very secretive about myself but I’m working on it.

Nymeleia: We chat and gossip a lot with Dia – she’s another Soundless from the guild. She’s lovely and so supportive, I’m really glad I have her.

Reln: I’m not the one to share everything about myself. But my second-in-command knows the most.

Nymeleia: Oh don’t listen to him. He and Lavan technically read each other’s minds – no words, just half a gesture, and they know all they need to know.

ASKED BY FANS

1. Are you literate? Have you been to school?

Fyarh: I’m literate, and I’ve been mentored as much – well, maybe a little less – than any other sylvari.

Nymeleia: I actually struggled with reading and writing for a while – I could, just not well, as I never really had to. Paperwork has been a nightmare for the first months in Rose, but by now I got the hang of it. I’ve been reading a lot of novels recently, too.

Reln: I’m literate, and was mentored like all other saplings. The latter didn’t reach its purpose, though.

2. The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

(They all look at each other, but neither of them seems to have an answer or anything they’d be willing to share.)

3. What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

Fyarh: Oh. I somehow never really talked about my Wyld Hunt in.... sufficient detail to my mentors? Not before the Wardens arrested me for hiding thorn pups in a forsaken outpost. It was a real journey talking my way out from there. One of the most embarrassingly funny things that happened to me, in retrospect.

Nymeleia: I was always too caught upon not handling the concept of pain, and death, very well. I don’t regret working on it and toughening up, I just wish I had realized sooner that I should hone my strengths instead of desperately trying to “correct” what I perceive as a weakness.

Reln: ...I guess I haven’t realized soon enough what real understanding means. (he seems mildly uncomfortable by the question, and does not elaborate)

4. Do you have mental health or physical issues?

Fyarh: Fighting takes a toll on everyone, I’d say. But nothing other than that.

Nymeleia: (nodding along – her eyes wander off to the distance)

Reln: A few scars here and there. Had a lot to deal with after coming back from the heart of the jungle, but I have worked through most of those by now.

5. What is your current main goal?

Fyarh: I’m dedicating all my time to the guild. It’s been coming along so much better than what I prepared myself for, and I’m not about to waste the opportunity.

Nymeleia: I’m not satisfied with my level of skills on the field yet – I’m spending as much time on training as I can, next to Rose. There are some other necromancers in the guild with who we share our knowledge, and I have gotten some general good advice and lectures from Firstborn Trahearne himself. It’s crazy how far Fyarh’s connections go.

Reln: I’m busy training and supervising my own division. Most of us are reliable and trusting, but there are and will always be a few loose cannons I need to keep an eye out for.

CHOICES

1. Drink or food?

Fyarh: A drink, maybe? I tend to forget to eat. It’s getting on Nym’s nerves at times.

Nymeleia: Ah don’t even mention it. I’m picking food – nothing tops a good, warm meal after a long day.

Reln: Food, if I have to pick.

2. Cats or dogs?

Fyarh: I love cats. I wouldn't mind adopting one, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to take good care of them.

Nymeleia: Can we pick both, maybe?

Reln: (glancing at the thorn wolf lying next to him) I’m more of a dog person. But cats are good too.

3. Early bird or night owl?

Fyarh: I’m a night owl. Waking up with the rest of the guild at early hours is a nightmare for me. I tend to oversleep so much, it’s almost comical.

Nymeleia: That’s not a problem for me though. I’m up before everyone else. And so is Reln.

Reln: (nodding)

4. Optimist or pessimist?

Fyarh: Optimist.

Nymeleia: Same, some will even say naive for sure.

Reln: Middle ground. I’m more of a realist than any of the two.

5. Sassy or sarcastic?

Fyarh: Maybe... sassy? With close friends. I don’t feel like either most of the time, honestly.

Nymeleia: Would you say I’m more sassy or sarcastic?

Reln: (to her) Is that really a question?

Nymeleia: Oh entertain me.

Reln: (gestures towards her; she laughs)

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out?

Fyarh: Once, when I was sneaking out of a Court camp with two stolen thorn pups. Barely got away. Didn’t dare to show myself around there for a while.

Nymeleia: Several times. Did a lot of bathroom cleaning in the Vigil for it too.

Reln: If I was, I doubt I would be here today.

2. Broken a bone?

Fyarh: Miraculously, no. I don’t even know myself how’s that possible.

Nymeleia: My left arm. Open wound, too – wasn’t a good experience.

Reln: Nothing that a field medic couldn’t fix.

3. Received flowers?

Fyarh: If you mean it like, in a romantic way? No, not yet.

Nymeleia: I received a few, but in my experience Vigil soldiers are more of the blunt than the romantic type.

Reln: No.

Nymeleia: How dare you. I gave you potted herbs a while ago!

Fyarh: (leaning forward) Potted herbs?

Nymeleia: It’s because he takes his food back to his room all the time. And then he complains about the seasoning. Go figure!

4. Ghosted someone?

Fyarh: I did... use to run away from confrontations a lot. But people say I’ve gotten better with that too.

Nymeleia: I prefer to just tell people if I’m not interested in talking to them. As kindly as possible, of course. But I think it’s ruder to leave them hanging.

Reln: I did leave from places – the Grove, the Court – suddenly, but then again, I didn’t have many connections to either in the first place.

5. Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

Fyarh: That happens. Easier than trying to go back to it and figure it out, takes away the flow of the conversation.

Nymeleia: Everyone does that from time to time, no?

Reln: I don’t. If someone’s not funny enough, that’s not my problem.

[rogue-barnes-16]

BLUE

Summary: Y/n tries to bury her feelings after making a terribly bad decision about Bucky that destroyed what they had. It backfires in the worst possible way.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: 90% angst

Tags:

Submitted for @blushycarol's writing challenge.

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, makeout, implicit sex, feels™️

A/N: this is my prompted songfic for blushycarol's writing challenge! It took a turn like, ngl I did whatever the fuck I wanted with the song but it fits so there it goes, enjoy <3.

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

We've broken up and now I regret it

I said goodbye when I shouldn't have said it

"I fixed your boy. He's awake now." She spoke through the wakandan device. "Figured you'd want to see him."

Yeah, it was the princess of Wakanda herself who decided to call me —not even Steve, me— to inform me that the man I loved had finally awaken.

A couple of hours later, T'challa did with Steve the same thing Shuri had done with me, and soon we both left to reach the hidden city.

We met with Bucky.

Steve cried a couple of times, Bucky laughed in a few occasions, and I stayed rather quiet almost the entire time.

After two days, Steve left with the promise of coming back, but I stayed just because I had missed him so much, I didn't feel like saying goodbye just yet.

Despite this, we didn't talk much in those months I had stayed with him. It wasn't like we spoke a lot before, but now it felt different.

I knew why; it was because of me. Because maybe, just maybe, I was terrified that this new version of him, that healed James Barnes, wouldn't love me like his broken self did.

We had reached a point where I didn't know what we were any longer, and I was 100% sure that the feeling was mutual, we were just too scared to talk it out.

I took the easiest, most despicable way and, one morning, I left Wakanda, hoping to spare my heart and breaking his in the process.

A week later I was back, suited up and ready to fight the deadliest threat I would have faced in my whole life.

I survived.

Bucky didn't, and the only thing I could think was that had lost him, and the last words I said to him were 'this is over, I'm leaving you'.

Five Years Later

I even cried but I never meant it

And I don't know why but I can't forget it, forget it

When Fury paired us to go on a mission, I thought it would be easy due to the action, but it turned out to be a watch, and suddenly everything was ten times more difficult.

We had been in silence for at least a long, tedious hour, in a dark room with two windows, waiting for the target to appear, when Bucky spoke.

"Is it true?" I, pretty much confused, turned my head to him, whose eyes were already on me, his back reclined against the wall before me. "that you cried for me." his voice held kinds of fear that I had never heard in him.

"who told you that?" I inquired, starting to get anxious because no one was supposed to know that; no one had seen me breaking down every night for months because of him.

"Steve." he replied, digging his eyes on mines. "Did you?"

My fight or flight instincts made me shook my head no as an initial response, only because of the sudden panic flooding through my veins. "I mean yes- I- no I mean I- I cried for everyone and I just... it-" I attempted to calm myself down before letting out a propper sentence. "it meant nothing. I did, I just didn't... I felt guilty" I finished, my heart racing and pounding as if it would leave my chest. "for everyone I couldn't save."

He didn't say anything else, nor did I.

After our short chat everything was even worse, because I was no longer focused now that the sorrow I had felt those nights was replaying in my head non-stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self esteem

We remained distant, but at some point, Bucky started to compliment me, to make nice comments, to give me quick smiles and fast 'thank you's, and I would be lying if I said I didn't treasure them.

"You look... great." He'd shyly say whenever I got dolled up.

"Great shot" he would state breathless, passing me by during a mission, to which I would just nod. "Thank for having my back."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Your hair..." he once trailed off with a frown, resting his elbows over the counter.

"yeah, I needed a change." for a second, the part of me I had hidden crawled up to the surface and I asked. "You... Don't like it?"

"No- I mean yes- I- I really like it." he assured me with bittersweet smile. "It fits you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme good and pure, what you waiting for?

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore

"Barnes and you." Sharon spoke, closing the pantry's door behind her.

"what?" I questioned, turning to her for a moment while she raised her eyebrow at me.

"what are you playing at, Y/n?" she asked, a bit of concern being noticeable in her tone.

We weren't close. No, no we hadn't grown closer, but I sometimes would sit right besides him during Saturday's take-out night, near enough for our thighs to brush.

I'd let him play with my hair from time to time, I'd allow him to come to my room in the middle of the night to lay with me after a nightmare here and there.

I wouldn't complain when his hands held my cheeks in the aftermath of a rough mission, his eyes scanning me with worry and sorrow while pain would most likely be rushing through my body.

I wouldn't scold him if he ever picked me up to carry me into the medical wing after I had gotten injured, even if I could walk. Maybe I would even cling on his neck, feeling his heartbeat fastening.

"We're not playing." I replied noctant, pouring four glasses of wine for all of us.

"Y/n" I sighed. "why are you doin' this to him? You're gonna hurt him and you."

"I don't wanna feel blue." I confessed in a mutter. "no one'll get hurt, I just... Need what he gives me."

Sharon stared at me dumbfounded for a couple of seconds before shaking her head and leaving, mumbling something my ears couldn't catch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme one more night

One last goodbye

Let's do it one last time

Let's do it one last time

One more time

It was during Sam's birthday that I gathered the courage to do what I, deep inside, so badly wanted to do.

I saw my opportunity the moment Bucky approached the barcounter to grab some random drink.

I left mine on a shelf and rushed to reach him and I passed by him, but on my way out of the room, my hand discreetly found his and tugged him with me.

I didn't stop until we reached the nearest room , which happened to be the bathroom.

Without a word, I got him inside and closed the door, backing against it and, with his fingers still intertwined with mine, I pulled Bucky into a kiss.

He stopped after a few seconds. His eyes were sad as he gazed into mines, and I felt a lump in my throat.

"I..." my attempt to speak triggered my tears, and his response was to cares my cheeks and peck my lips.

The terror I had felt 5 years ago of me not being good enough for him to love me anymore came back. My heart pounded against my chest, the voice in the back of my head simultaneously begging me to stop.

"I need this... Just..." I fisted his shirt, bringing him closer to me. "one last time... Please I-"

"are you drunk right now?" he questioned, putting a strand of hair away from my face.

"No." I half lied, pulling him to me into a needy kiss which quickly escalated.

No, I don't love you

No, I don't care

I just want to be held when I'm scared

And all I want is one night with you

Just 'cause I'm selfish

I know it's true

What had happened in the party was never spoken about, nor mentioned.

We had swept it under the rug for both of our sakes —mostly for mine.

We didn't sleep together again, but in very few occasions, I would end up tugging him to some dark place where we were alone and make out until I was out of breath.

Each time that happened, for some reason I didn't understand, Bucky always whispered me the same question.

"Do you love me?"

To which I answered a breathless, painful 'no' that would most likely end up crushing my heart because of the heavy weight that lie carried.

My nightmares at some point had gotten worse, now involving Bucky getting hurt almost every time, so, whenever I woke up in cold sweat with tears in my eyes, gasping his name, I would make my way to his room and lay down besides him.

He would wake up the moment my body touched the mattress, and, as soon as I was under the sheets, he would pull me into his chest with his arms around me, asking me the same question every time.

"what was it about?"

To which I selfishly responded with:

"don't wanna talk. Just hold me, please."

I'm sick of looking after you

I need a man to hold on to

I'm bored of everything we do

But I just keep coming back to you

The first time I snuck under his sheets I promised myself it would be just that one night, that I would allow myself to be so fucking selfish just for one night, but his embrace was so comforting, so welcoming, and his heartbeat and breathing were so soothing, that I ended up being selfish every damn time.

One night, instead of reaching his room scared and trembling, I reached it with anger and frustration taking over my body.

I shut the door loud enough to make him sit upright, staring at me concerned.

"I'm fucking tired of this" I growled. "I'm tired of this nightmares, I'm sick of seeing you dying, I'm fucking done with looking after you in every mission more than I look after myself" I reached a point where I was close to shout as I stepped to the bed. "I want this to fucking stop!"

"Y/n-"

"I can't keep up with this anymore, I'm going crazy because it's ALWAYS THE SAME SHIT."

"You're tired." he stated, climbing off the bed to hesitantly step to me. "You need to sleep."

"I need to fucking get this off my damn chest!" a choked sob escaped my lips. "I keep coming back to you and I hate myself because of this! Because this is my fault!"

"Y/n please..." he wrapped his arms around me and I fought him a little before giving in, breaking down to tears the moment he kissed my temple.

"I was so scared of you not loving me anymore that I fucked everything up" I managed to explain in a vague mumble between sobs. "You're okay and I was fucking scared of not being good enough- I still am... I just keep making it worse!"

He stroke my hair and pulled me even closer. "Doll..."

The door few open and I heard Sam's voice behind me. "What was that? Are you-" Bucky shook my head over me and signaled Sam to leave.

"I love you so much please I'm sorry" he pulled me to the bed without letting go of me and threw the blanket over us.

"I know you do." he assured me intertwining his fingers with mines and placing a kiss on my knuckles. "I love you. I always will." he whispered soothingly.

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore 

[rainbows-and-emeralds]

Jean Pierre Polnareff's true purpose

So, let's talk about Jean Pierre Polnareff.

The "silliest" of the Stardust Crusaders, the "clown" of the group, the "immature one".

Except he's really none of those things. He may not be a genius, but he is smart. People really don't give Polnareff the credit he deserves. I personally do believe, that out of all of the Crusaders he is the one with the worst fate.

All of the Crusaders have been through some form of trauma, yes, they all have faced Dio and have lost friends along the way, but Polnareff has had it especially hard, because people just seem to ignore/forget all he's done, and we tend to put him down as that silly, funny guy from Part 3.

It is true, Polnareff is very dorky and jokes around a lot, and just generally seems to be very at ease in an almost naive way. But this has it's reasons, and Polnareff is so much more than just this.

The people who smile the brightest often hide the worst pain in their hearts.

What I'm trying to say is, Jean sort of uses this goofy, happy facade as a coping mechanism for trauma and grief. Only 3 years prior to meeting the other Crusaders he'd lost his younger sister Sherry. And she wasn't just killed by accident, she was murdered. Imagine what that must have done to him. Whatever it was, it was enough for him to seek revenge, not stopping before anything.

Furthermore, he'd just somewhat come to terms with Avdol's supposed death later on in season 1 of Part 3. Maybe Polnareff even blamed himself for dragging Avdol into this. Especially after going off on his own when he'd finally found J. Geil, which I still believe he did, to not endanger his friends unnecessarily.

Avdol was probaply his closest friend of the bunch. I love the bond these two shared. And I believe that Avdol wanted Polnareff to realize that it's better to have friends to rely on, and that it wasn't his fault.

Still, Polnareff likely blamed himself for being responsible for Avdol's death, having seen him die right in front of him, because he was protecting him..

And later it turns out Avdol didn't really die, he was still alive all this time, and all the Crusaders knew about it. All of them, except for Polnareff.

They didn't tell him, because they didn't trust him to keep quiet about it in front of the enemy.

This is the one desicion I disagree on with Kakyoin and the others. How could they. Not only did they basically end up telling Polnareff that they didn't fully trust him, they left him blaming himself, feeling incredibly bad and traumatized for WEEKS.

And then not ONE of them, not even Kakyoin, really apologized to him. It can be argued that what they did was not to hurt Polnareff on purpose, regarding the dangerous situation they're in. And that makes sense. But it did hurt him. And that's sort of unforgivable in my book. Jean puts up this happy act, and no doubt he does have fun with the other Crusaders, it's not bad all the time at all. But when nobody's looking, the sad, pained look on his face is obvious enough.

In the end, Polnareff really loses three of his friends, two of them because they protected him, and gave their lives for that yet again, but this time for real. He's essentially left with what he'd believed to be true before.

He is alone again.

Having only survived because others protected you and died for that, can make you feel so utterly desperate and worthless.

Despite this sorry state he falsely sees himself in, here is where it truly shows, just how noble Jean Pierre Polnareff really is.

Instead of leaving all of this behind when given the chance, to go back home to France, he continues investigating the Stand arrows, and the problems Dio's actions caused, even after he died.

While Jotaro was on it too, Polnareff eventually decides to further investigate alone, probaply because he wanted to avoid losing another friend because he couldn't protect himself alone. It shows that he's grown. And it shows that Polnareff really doesn't hesitate to risk his life for this.

This causes Polnareff to run into none other than Diavolo, who is after the arrows for his own, twisted reasons.

Which in turn, gets him into an even worse situation.

Not only has Polnareff spent his youth, from the age of 19 (when he lost his sister) to age 36, chasing after the Stand arrows and Dio to seek revenge and prevent even worse things from happening, he's also severely injured and left disabled for the rest of his life at only 23 years of age.

On top of all of this he is now the potential target of one of the most dangerous Mafia bosses in the world, forcing him to live in solitude for over 10 years, unable to contact ANY of his remaining friends or family because if he did so he'd risk getting them and himself hunted down and killed. Thus Polnareff is yet again alone.

Just.. take a moment to let all of that sink in. All of what Polnareff has been through.

And DESPITE all of that, he still pulls through, he still keeps going, stays strong and continuously puts his own life on the line to try and stop Diavolo from obtaining the Requiem arrow.

Because he knows that if he fails, everything the Crusaders fought for in 1989 will be to no avail. And even if he can't do much himself, he finds a way to contact Bucciarati's group after what I can only assume are weeks, if not months of research on them.

(It is almost scary to see how much Polnareff has changed, from the mostly happy, outgoing and talkative guy we've known, to this serious, more mature and collected man, operating from within the shadows to reach out to Bruno.)

Now we, as the reader, know all of this about Polnareff, but to Bruno and his gang, he is a stranger, somebody they don't know if they can trust yet. They also only meet Polnareff very briefly before Diavolo finally reveals himself and kills Polnareff for good.

Jean Pierre Polnareff, spent his live almost constantly facing some sort of trauma. I can't begin to imagine what he must have felt like in the end, knowing he's dying, before having finished what he started, what he fought for.

Yet he spends his last living moments thinking of his friends, the things he's been through back in Egypt, and atleast he knows that what he's done is not in vain, because he can safely place this mission he's dedicated the last 10 years of his life to, in the hands of Bucciarati and his gang.

This has an almost poethic value to it.

(It is also interesting to note that the Stand, Judgement, from Part 3 shows up in this panel. Think back, this Stand had the ability to grant "wishes" in form of illusions that turn against you. That was when he wished for his sister Sherry, and Avdol, whom Polnareff still believed to be dead, to come back to life. This always strangely touches me, because it's so naive to believe in such a thing, yet, it shows just HOW much Jean cares for those two, that he still had hope left, and was unable to let go, as of that time. The pain in his eyes as he realized that this last bit of hope he had was foolish, wronged, he had to accept and move on, which he does for the most part, but the fact that Judgement is something that he remembers in his last concious moments before dying shows that what happened on this particular day never really left him..)

Somehow, Polnareff is given a second chance, in form of his soul being kept alive within this bizarre Stand ability of Coco Jumbo. His body is dead, he can never go back, but Polnareff's spirit lives on. Atleast for now.

And Polnareff did so much. He sacrificed everything, not even hesitating to lay down his life.

He deserved so much better. He deserved a happy, long life, a family, love and friends.

While he may not ever get some of these things, he's with Giorno now. He's made it out, somewhat, alive. He can rest easy now and that is what counts for me. His sacrifices have not been for nothing, and thus, his friends dying to protect him back in Cairo also have not died for nothing. Polnareff carried on their legacy, making their deaths count, moving on, but never forgetting.

It is somewhat ironic that the one who carried Polnareff's mission to the end was Giorno, Dio's son, and yet another Joestar. It seems that the fates of Polnareff, Dio, and the Joestar family were destined to cross paths from the beginning.

Again, as the reader, we know the whole picture, but Polnareff doesn't. And he still did what he did, and he deserves credit and gratitude for that.

This is why Jean Pierre Polnareff is one of the most important people in the storyline of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and a man who has ALL my respect and admiration. I truly think that without him, things wouldn't have turned out as well as they did, and we have him to thank for that.

The last thing spoken in the anime of Vento Aureo is said by none other than Polnareff:

"Let's go,

...to the Colosseum."

~Haru

[childofsolace-write-ups]

Arc 01: REUNION

::THOMAS::

"What do you think sunlight feels like?"

I look up and see Nina coming through the right hand tunnel entrance, not even saying hello first. That usually means she was deep in thought on her way here again.

"I really don't remember." I tell her, setting down the book I'd been pretending to read.

It was something about the new things they expected to be able to do with machines. I didn't really have a reason to be fond of those stupid things. It's not exactly a picnic, depending on the machines for everyday living. It'd be awfully hard to breathe underground without them, for one thing. And—insert sarcastic tone here—how on earth would ordinary people survive without fucking reading lights. Seriously, with the number of issues that needs addressing, they give us extra lighting in bunkers, of all things?

Personally, I'd rather take my chances with whatever's up there on ground level. If Trey, Kytes, and the others survived...

That's kinda the thing, though. After all these years, I have no way of knowing if they DID survive or WHAT they survived as. The atmosphere was said to do awfully strange things to ordinary people. I miss my little brother, though. And I hope Trey was doing okay, too. He was my best friend growing up after all.

"Do you?"

Nina clicks on the kitchen lamp. It's pretty cramped up in our compartment bunker, so she'd probably do fine with the little reading light I'm using but she looks at it for a moment and sighed. "It's been too long," she says. "I wonder if they even still have sunlight up there. You know, considering all that's happened."

"Oh, they probably do."

I click off the reading light. No need to be careless with the energy we had. No matter how much they wanted us to believe the machines supplied boundless electricity. I couldn't, not with the reason they sent away Kytes and Trey with a whole bunch of other orphans being the worry for lack of resources. Not with Nina working there everyday. We depended on qualified individuals now for our energy supply. As in, people. Humans, to produce energy, if that makes sense as if they were hamsters running repeatedly in wheels for a Science project. It makes me feel queasy just thinking about it. I don't know how Nina can let them. She's a lot braver than I could be, that's for sure. Maybe a lot more reckless, too. Well, Trey was her brother.

He rubbed off on her...

Then again, I haven't even seen the guy the last eight years, so how would I know that? Nina was all I really had left in memory of him and my own brother. You died younger down here than you would when people lived above when it was still up there. Both Nina's parents are gone, mine died in a fire accident years before the radiation up there first hit. My Uncle, who made it possible for me and my brother to still live here whenever they had to send out orphans, died a year after I turned thirteen. Then, in one Release before I turned thirteen, my brother opted to take Nina's place instead because she's been sick that time and she wouldn't have lasted an hour up there even with Trey's help, who had just been ten then. But I never held it against Trey or resent Nina. We knew each other even before all this, Trey was my best friend just as long as Nina was Kytes's. And I would've done the same if it had been Trey.

Although, I laugh at the idea of Kytes staying down here with him. It might be him who had to watch over the damn lummox.

Now with Nina's parents gone and my Uncle passing away, I was old enough to stand as her guardian until she turned thirteen herself next week. Not that it mattered cause she won't be moving out and I'm not kicking her out either. But on the event I died after her birthday, she wouldn't have to be sent away. So now we shared a cramped compartment on a fairly low level, which was good. The lower you are, the farther you are from the dangers of Ground level.

Level 01 had some data gathering stations for researches and old residence cells. They were Orphanages every now and then, until those who weren't adopted were sent out anyway, the cells were used for residence bunkers to the Poor class.

Level 02 to 30 had the residence cells according to social status of the Middle-class. Point blunt.

Level 31 to 35 had the commerce centers, radio stations and whatever establishments that had existed back and is possible to continue down here. There are movie halls, too, but obviously no one makes movies anymore. We watched the films that was brought down here with us during the evacuation. Before I thought it was pretty cool, now I think of how stupid it is. Of all the other important things they could have brought down, they settled for movies. Anyway, those levels are what you can consider the central city, if you can call it that since there are hardly any Skyscrapers anymore. Not that they would've fit down here, anyway.

Level 35 to 49 have residence cells for Elites and Government officials, the Councillors and the Techs with their family, if any. Since Nina is a Machine tech, we are privileged to be in Level 35.

The better people, the Councillors, get Level 37 to 49 according to importance of Office.

I don't really know what Level 50 holds, which is the lowest of the low. But some rumors I heard assumes it's a laboratory of sorts. Still, while we have it good as much as we could down here, I wonder about life in the surface.

"What makes you think so?" Nina snaps me back to reality. That perceptive brown-eyed gaze on me, a startling sense of knowing. "For all we know, it's getting worse up there. There's no way of knowing."

I snort. "No one bothers to check. Even if they did, there's no report. For all we know," I mimick her tone. "everything's back to normal, like in the Disney movie with the Garbage Robot going to outer space. We'd never know it, down here. They think we've got everything but it's all stupid..."

"Thomas," she studies me for a moment. "Are you still planning to go up there?"

"Soon."

I say the same thing everyday, but when have I ever acted on my words? I'm caught in a cycle just like every other moron in this stupid Underground settlement. And I know I'm still afraid to see how much things changed up there even as I'm dying to know at the same time.

"I want to see my brother," I continue. "How he and Trey are doing... If they're still alive, that is."

"Do you think they're still alive?" Nina asks, as if we don't talk about this everyday. Like she expects a different answer or something. It's been years and she still asks. "Well, do you?"

I can't give it to her though, "I don't know, maybe." The first few times she cried. Now, she simply nods.

"When are we going?"

I sigh at her persistence. It's not like it was easy, we can't just walk straight to the guards by the exit of the city and say, Hey we're leaving this dump so later losers! Without being questioned.

"Whenever it seems like a good time."

Naturally, I say this every time she asks. I think she's starting to think that it will never be a good time. I've begun to wonder about that myself. Actually, I want to go and see my brother. I want to go and see Nina's brother. It's tough finding a friend like him. Only Trey's been able to break down the walls I built ever since mom and dad died. He made me play soccer, even when I was never into sports. We'd go wild in the service tunnels, I break a lady's vase and we're both in trouble. Him at the Orphanage and me with my Uncle. But those were the good old days. I want to get back living above the ground, breathing for myself, instead of relying on machines to help me do it and rotting away in a metal cave some thirty feet or so below it. But thinking about something and actually doing it are two different matters.

Nina tilts her head then surprises me a bit by breaking our odd little mantra. Instead of agreeing and starting lunch, she asks a new question. "Thomas, do you think we could leave before the week is up?"

I stare at her in wonder. "Well, sure thing!" I mock-enthuse, "Let me call the guys at the Radio station to reschedule my shift this week. Oh. And have someone replace me as Head Chef for the Wedding Catering next month."

"Thomas," Nina pouts. "I'm being serious."

I'm still surprised but now also curious. "Why the sudden eagerness?"

"I met this girl in work today. Her name was Lindsay Caghan. Do you know her?"

I shake my head. I've never heard the name. But then, that doesn't mean a thing. I use my name when Live on air during Radio broadcasts so there could be a bunch of people who know me without me returning the favor.

"Well, she knows you. She knows you work at the station three days a week and as a chef during the Weekends." Now that's something. I usually stay at the kitchen so no one would guess I'm a Chef but my co-workers. I don't even have lots of friends anymore to be told about to others. Nina sinks slowly into the couch beside me. It was also my bed since I've offered the real bed to her. "I didn't say a word, Thomas. I don't know how she knows, but she does. And that's not the half of it. She knows our desire to leave."

Well, I wouldn't really call it a desire. "So?" I raise a brow. "What can she do? It's not like they'd actually care if we left. They'd be glad for the extra space."

"She doesn't want to stop us, Thomas." Nina explains, halting my instinctive string of defensive cynical arguments. "Far from it actually."

"Then what does she want?"

"You won't like it."

Oh jeez, I had to laugh at that. "There's a lot of things I don't like," I remind her. "I don't like these metal cages they call homes, I don't like those machines that use people as energy sources. And I definitely don't like how they sent our brothers and a whole group of other orphans yearly to the surface as a solution to minimizing shortages and leaving them to deal with whatever dangers the surface has to offer." I threw my arm behind her, mostly to stretch than anything else. "Now tell me, what else am I adding to this very long list?"

"All right," Nina smiles a little. "Lindsay brought up the subject in private. And she had a request for you. There's someone she wants us to take up to the surface when we go."

I stare at her for a second, wondering if she was joking. The expression on her face tells me she's not. "No way, nope. No." I say. I haven't even fully decided whether I, myself, wanted to go. I'm not all for including others. Before long, we'd have a whole army with us. "I do not like that one bit."

Nina rolls her eyes. "I expected as much." She sighs. "I'm not certain who she wants to send with us, but she seemed fairly urgent about it." She tells me, a strange look on her face. She looks like that whenever she's truly serious about something. That can't be good for me. Then there will be no refusing her.

"Urgent how?"

"Well," She hesitates. "she seemed nervous. As if what she's planning is something that could get her in trouble. I think we should at least hear her out."

"Nina," I rub my forehead. "you don't think that the person she wants us to take is herself, do you? If she's run into some kind of trouble with the law..." I don't finish that. I'm not a huge fan of the Councillors, but even I'm not cynical enough to get on their bad side so boldly enough to break the law. "you know I'd rather this doesn't turn into an escape propaganda."

Nina shakes her head, looking thoughtful. "No, I think it's bigger than that. I don't think she's doing this for her own safety. I think she's risking her safety and it's making her scared. But she really seems desperate to have us agree."

"I don't know Nina, it doesn't seem like a very good idea, including others." I hope I can make her see where I'm coming from. She's a teenager now, and I know I am too, but I expect the moodiness of a teenage girl to be something too much to handle. And if I give her a no... Well, just because Nina's never thrown a tantrum doesn't mean she couldn't start now. "we could end up with a lot of company and not all of them welcome."

"I don't think so, Thomas. The way she acted, I think this is a private problem. It was like she didn't want anyone else to know. But she seems pretty concerned. If it's illegal, it's illegal in a good way." she looks at me with bright eyes. "Know what I mean?"

I sigh. No, I really don't but what I do know is that there was no talking her out of this. "You mean some kind of Noble act? Like a Holy crusade or..."

"No, but it'd be something humane. Or she wouldn't bother," Nina retorts. "I think we should listen to her. It's probably important."

I groan, holding my hands up in surrender. "All right," I exhale, giving in, because who can function in the face of that kind of persistence?

Women complicated things. Uncle would always say. And he's right.

Nina had already made up her mind and it's futile to get her to give up. She's Trey's sister all right. "Fine. We'll talk to her. Why don't you try and get her to tell you exactly what she wants from us? I'm not making any promises until I know what we're getting into."

"Thank you, Thomas." Nina gives me a soft smile, the kind that gets just about anyone to do whatever she wants. I'm a victim of that countless of times. "I have a feeling that this is the right thing to do."

But not necessarily the smartest, I think to myself. "Great."

Nina shrugs and smothers a yawn. She's tired. But then again, she's always tired now. Working with machines is a strain. I pretend not to see the dark circles under her eyes, but I think it's wearing on her. That's just one more reason to take her away from this place. I know she's strong enough to handle it but I don't want her to have to.

"Make sure you ask the right questions." I remind her. "I don't want this Lindy girl tricking us to agreeing to more than we want. Be careful."

"It's Lindsay." Nina corrects before smiling. "And I have a better idea than that, Thomas." she says. "how would you like it if I arranged it so that you could meet her?"

"... No."

We argue again, even though I know Nina will eventually get her way nevertheless.

[the-studying-avocado]

Hey guys!

Since my big tests and exams are coming up, i decided to try out the #100daysofproductivity challenge.

Firstly, what is it?

The 100 days of productivity challenge is a challenge in which you do something productive everyday, even if it is something small. The concept is that by chipping away a small portion of the big pile of work we have to do, we can eventually see big changes and improvements.

How can I join?

It's actually very simple! Just post a picture or an update everyday and tag it as #100daysofproductivity. You can also include which day it is (e.g. day 27). Keep posting for 100 days, and see how much you've accomplished in the end!!

Why is this challenge useful?

Have you noticed how many successful people often talk about cultivating good habits? Well, this is it! Those people invested time and effort into developing good habits of efficiency and productivity. It takes about 30 days to form a habit until it becomes clockwork. If you do the same thing for 100 days straight, it becomes natural. You automatically want/need to do something productive every single day. The 100 days of productivity challenge challenges you to do the same thing for more than 3 months, making sure that this habit sticks with you even after you have completed this challenge.

It is not possible to build a big, successful empire overnight. It takes dedication and hard work. It meant working even when they were tired. It meant missing friend hangouts and holidays. Creating something huge requires sacrifice. And it all comes down to productivity. Let's say you end school at 3pm and get home at 4pm. You have about 2-3 hours before dinner. There are 2 choices here. Will you spend your time binge watching Netflix? Or will you do something productive like studying for that upcoming exam?

We humans tend to procastinate. A lot. Therefore, we need this challenge. We need something that pushes us to do work when we don't want to. You wouldn't want to break that 67-day streak, would you?

And this brings me to my next point, procrastination.

Procrastination, and fighting it

Procrastination, we've all experienced it. You sit down at your desk and gey ready to study. Then, you get a notification from Instagram, it's a DM. You open that DM with the intent of answering, then going straight back to studying. However, that doesn't happen. An hour later, you're looking at funny cat videos while your work remains untouched. Sounds familiar? This is called procrastination.

Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing something. This can become extremely inconvenient, especially if you've been putting off that heavily weighted task for a few weeks now, and it's due in 2 days. The best way to beat procrastination, is to avoid it. Many of you might say, "But how? When I procrastinate, I can spend hours doing useless things, but I just can't bring myself back to studying." Firstly, let's talk about why people procastinate.

Why do we procrastinate?

Fear of failure

The fear of failure could be one of the causes preventing you from starting your task. If you are afraid to start, you may end up delaying your task, and possibly not doing at all; then end up lying about how your dog ate your homework

Stress

Being unable to control the stress you feel while doing a particular task will result in you hating the task, and therefore avoid doing it.

We don't usually hate the task, but instead the bad emotions associated with that task or subject.

Your subconscious

Sometimes, your subconscious mind may be refusing to allow you to start your task because it seems useless.

There are many other reasons as to why we humans procrastinate, but those are just a few of them. Now, fighting procrastination

Fighting it

An easy way of fighting procrastination is to put all distractions aside. This could mean tidying up your table so that nothing distracting is in your peripheral vision, or maybe switching off your phone. There is an app I use to fight my biggest source of procrastination- my phone.

The app I use is called Forest. Many of you may have heard of it before as it is relatively popular among the studyblr community. However, for those of you who have not heard of Forest, it is an app that limits your phone usage. For example, I could set my Forest timer to 25 minutes. When I start my timer, it plants a small seed which will keep growing for the next 25 minutes. During that time, I would not be able to access apps such as Instagram, Tumblr, Whatsapp or any games without a price. If I do go into those apps, my tree will be killed. (This actually works better than it sounds :))

Furthermore, Forest allows you to keep track of how many minutes a day you spend focusing on your tasks. If you buy the premium version for a mere $2.90 (SGD) you can track which days you are more productive and find out which hours you are at your peak.

There are so many more useful apps out there that can help you fight procrastination as well, but I will not go into them.

All in all, I hope that with all these points, you will join me on my 100 days of productivity challenge starting tomorrow :)

<3,

Avocado

p.s. this was not sponsored by Forest

#study #studying #studyblr #procrastination #fightprocrastination #focus #forest #challenge

[miss-bennie]

hey can you please advise me, i'm majoring in english and recently i've realised that i'm inclined heavily towards reading for pleasure than analysing text. whatever i write in my papers/exams doesn't feel original and i feel as if i'm just iterating ideas from dozens of different sources. this sem we've got to analyze lots of poetry and i'm stressed cause i don't get it at all. i used to love lit and i had to REALLY convince my parents for allowing me to take it. can you suggest anything?thanks

hey it's the lit anon (hipe you haven't forgotten about me!) i just want to add to the list of the questions that is it okay if i find analysing poetry much, much harder than prose/ plays.

Oh my goodness, first of all, it is legitimately CRIMINAL how long it took for me to answer this; it honestly was just because I don’t have the time at work I used to in order to answer things properly, which leads to a lot of disappointment.  However!  I really hope that anything I say now, far too long later, will be helpful or comforting to you.  I’m going to put the rest of this under a read more to save people’s dashes (and before I do, please please feel free to hit me up on Tumblr messenger about this, because it is way easier for me to keep up with people on there since it’s basically like texting via tumblr on my phone, lol):

This really is a normal way to feel, for a start - it’s difficult to make a switch from reading entirely for pleasure into critical analysis.  I know I struggled with it a lot - I had to strike a balance between fun/analysis.  It was a help to sort of realize that even when you’re reading for pleasure/fun, you are still analyzing the text in a way, just not within the same framework as an English major, you know?  So like, say you’re reading a novel and telling a friend about it, to recommend it to them - what are the sort of things you say?  That’s still analysis.  So you can kind of turn that eye “hey, I loved this book, the character/plot/etc was great” into a deeper look into WHY you liked it.  And even if it’s something you’re reading for school and you’re not enjoying it, think about WHY you don’t, or try to think of things you do like.  Another thing that helped me out with that is reading other critical theory or analyses of what we were reading and trying to reframe how I thought about it?  I feel like this seems overly simplistic, but I know it can be very, very hard.

As for feeling like you’re just regurgitating other people’s interpretations, that is the most frustrating thing, I know.  Especially when it’s a text that’s been analyzed a million times.  What I can say here is to take advantage of office hours and talk to your professors!  Bouncing your ideas off of them and getting guidance can really be helpful in pointing you in the right direction.  Even if you bring one of your papers in to them and say, “hey, I feel like I’m not saying something original here, can you help?”  Because sometimes you might be onto a new thread of thought without realizing!  When you’re taking a ton of lit classes, it’s so easy to burn out and feel like you’re just repeating yourself over and over when in reality you might have a real gem as a throwaway thought in there that can turn into something great!  

For the difference between prose and poem/plays, that is because you approach each of those mediums differently!  I always struggled when I took a survey course that covered more than one of those things at the same time, because it’s difficult to switch between, in my opinion.  There are different nuances in each one.  And prose always was infinitely easier for me, but the longer I spent immersing myself in the other two, the more I at the very least came to appreciate what was there (plays, lol) versus fully enjoying what I didn’t see before (poetry).  And even within those genres some are WAY harder.  You’re not going to approach an Arthur Miller play the same way you’d approach Euripedes, and you wouldn’t approach either of those the same way you’d approach Shakespeare.  The thing about being an English major that people don’t realize is that there are SO many layers to it, one could say that it contains multitudes.  (I’m sorry, I can’t help myself.)  Is there a particular kind of poetry or play that you are having issues with?  

As someone whose parents were also.....skeptical when I was like I’M GONNA BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR!!!! I really get you on this, and it actually got easier for me after the first tough year because the more I got into it, the more I could choose a track that was more tailored to what I really liked and was most interested in!  Is there anything you’ve studied this year that you truly enjoyed?  Sometimes it’s a matter of finding that one big THING that just grabs you and flips the script.  Like, you’ll think, “man, poetry is the worrrrrst” and then you’ll pick something up and it’ll hit you.  Or maybe it won’t!  It could be a slow burn of realizing you actually enjoyed something and then you seek out similar things.  I remember the summer after my first year, I was rereading a book I’d loved before, and without realizing I discovered new things about it that gave me a deeper understanding, just from spending all that time in a different mode while I was in school.  

All of this being said, if at the end of the day you decide that you’d rather simply enjoy what you read instead of studying it, that’s okay too.  There is no one perfect way to do something, you know?  Fill up your extra classes with things that seem interesting to you just in case.  (I ended up double majoring in Art History simply because I loved it and took so many classes it made sense, hahaha, another one my parents were thrilled about.)  I hope this was even a tiny bit helpful to you, and please feel free to come to me ANYTIME, I promise promise promise it won’t always be a month before I’m able to answer.