#why do i have to get my period right before my work schedule gets crazy

[monstrsball]

every month like clockwork i start to feel incredibly insecure about all of my friendships and then begin to engage in unhealthy thought patterns and then my period hits and im like. Ah.

[11cupids-tarot11]

SHORT! What does your Future Spouse want to tell you at this moment?

1 -> 2

3 -> 4

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Pile 1- Ten of Wands, and Ace of Wands.

Messages: "I know that we have a soul connection."

"I sabotaged our connection because it was too intense."

Hi pile 1's! I want to say I feel heavy self sabotage energy from your person, I intended to only pull two tarot cards and four Oracle cards but your person insisted on just two Oracle cards and no more , nothing else would pop out and if it did, it fell to the floor which meant I should put it back. My cat also interrupted my readings twice pouncing and trying to play with my cards lol. Your person feels kind of reluctant. I feel a bit of silence on their end, like maybe if you tried reading pac's recently on your future spouse but found nothing resonated as it usually does, it's so hard to explain but I feel like your person is purposely blocking their energy from you maybe. Take what resonates!! If it doesn't, let it fly 🕊️

So your person's been working hard and they want you to know that, maybe that's why their energy has been so dull lately? Like I feel like if you know your person's energy you definitely picked up on this, or maybe you're just now realizing but your person wants you to know it isn't on purpose, they have a hectic life right now, I feel like they've been running around crazy, staying at work extra hours, rushing to meet deadlines. This person is working hard, but they truly believe it's best for the right now, they know it'll pay off soon!

This person has gotten a burst of energy recently, they feel very motivated right now to something, they're busy pursuing their dreams finally, but I get the feeling this is something that just happened for them recently, they got an idea or something and now they're following through with it! They could be a very creative person, they could make art, or music, something in the creative field.

Red could be significant? This person has Fire in their charts, could be a Aries, Leo, or Sagittarius.

♡ Love you!!

-Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

————— ୨୧ —————

Pile 2- Six of Wands, and Four of Cups.

Messages: "I want to hold you."

"I let people manipulate me into ghosting you."

"I want to kiss you."

"I'm scared you will reject me."

Hi my pile 2! I kept saying "your person" instead of future spouse so it kind of makes me feel like a few of you know of this person and have been involved before, but have gone through some sort of separation as of now.

So I feel like recently your future spouse has gone through a period of triumph. They've accomplished something very important to them, I almost feel like your person was overwhelmed and they could be a bit of a perfectionist, but they're so happy they feel like they can finally get a goods night sleep, have more time in their schedule now, whatever it might be I feel like this accomplishment is opening doors for them to many great things.

With the four of cups I'm getting your person has many opportunities being thrown at them right now, career wise but I also feel like in their love life as well. They've removed themselves before they can make a decision, though. They've been sitting on this discussion, but I feel like they've finally made one. I feel like it has something to do with you, crazy enough. Your Oracle cards give me the vibe that this person could be in your circle and they miss you like crazy, something happened between you two that pushed you apart though, it could've been another person but your future spouse has finally made up their mind, they know the kind of relationship they want to pursue with you now, they're giving some of those cups back? Like they don't care for every opportunity they see at the moment, they know what they want, career wise, romantic wise, I feel like they're very stable right now, so if it's not worth it they're not going to pursue it.

♡Love you!!

-Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

————— ୨୧ —————

Pile 3- Five of Cups in Reverse, and The Wheel of Fortune.

Messages: “I let people manipulate me into ghosting you.”

“I’m afraid of commitment.”

“I regret what I did to you.”

“I’m on my way to you.”

“I need you.”

“I want to reach out to you but I don’t know how.”

Hi pile 3! So I feel like this person is dying to reach out to you crazy enough, you could've recently stopped seeing this person because of some drama between your social group maybe. I feel like this person could've been listening to their friends too much about the relationship instead of keeping it between the two of you to talk it out like they should've, something along the lines of that. This person wants you to know they've been thinking about you like crazy, they miss you.

Your future spouse wants you to know they're going through a moment of lots of heavy emotions, they regret something they've done in the past. They feel very torn over this and they feel like they can't heal from it until they approach it head on, so that's what they're doing. They're taking the appropriate steps to fix whatever weighing on their heart, they want peace and to find closure more than anything I hear, they see what they've done is wrong and they've learned so much from this lesson.

I feel like this person is hoping for the wheel of fortune to take it's course. I think this person is confused, doesn't know what to do so they're hoping that the universe will help out. I feel like this person is wishing for you, they're trying to manifest bumping into you randomly, they really want a moment of your time but they're just so unsure how.

♡ Love you!!

-Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

————— ୨୧ —————

Pile 4- Seven of Cups, and Ace of Cups.

Messages: "I don't want to be toxic anymore."

"I want to hold you."

"I fantasize about you."

"I've been working on myself and I'm not the same as I was before."

Hi pile 4! Last but not least!!

I feel like this person has been working a lot on their shadow side, they've taken a deeper look at themselves and there's something about not liking what they've seen so they decided to do something about. I'm seeing this person like a new plant that's been planted, watered and fed and now it's growing, only your person did this all themselves lol.

So I feel like right now your person is being faced with a lot of things right now, maybe it's too many work assignments or they're trying to complete so many things at once, they're just very overcrowded and it's time for them to take a step back, it might not be good for them to overwhelm themselves with so much right now and I think your person is aware of this and that's why they're telling you obviously lol.

I feel with the Ace of Cups this person wants to offer you something real, they want a very good relationship with you but also a friendship. This person doesn't want me to go on about how much love they want to give to you but the Ace of Cups and their Oracle cards make me feel like it's a lot. I feel like as soon as things cool down in this person's life there's potential you two could meet now that this person is open and available for a relationship. I feel like your person isn't gonna beat around the bush, they're gonna come in super romantic and ready to be with you, your very first conversation could be planning your first date lol.

♡Love you!!

-Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

————— ୨୧ —————

[mxnhoo]

when i first saw you. (k. sn) - ch1

synopsis : a handsome man you saw at the cafe you worked at simply became more than a stranger to you. genre : romance, angst??? (idk LOL), sunoo is the same age as the reader, sunoo is extremely sweet pairing : kim sunoo x reader (ft seungmin and jeongin from skz) w/c : 3.3k a/n : i wrote this for a customer who i served once and he made my heart explode in the 2-3 minutes i was interacted w him. spoiler alert, i never saw him again, LOL. my love life seems pretty tragic. ALSOOO this entire week i'm busy, and the week after my school is resuming so i'll have lesser free time :( i'll be less active, but i'll try to write when i can! originally i wanted to release this all in 1 part but i dont really have time to finish it and i wanted to feed ya'll with some content for now! hope ya'll enjoy this~

chapter 2 (in the making)

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You groaned looking at your updated work schedule on your phone screen. Once again, you were being forced to work longer hours than what you requested for in your part-time job.

"They even said I'd only be working 5 hours for the entire week, are you fucking serious?" Your eyebrows were furrowed, and you groaned, leaning your head back to rest your head against the headboard of your bed.

You were a university student that was working a part-time job to earn some extra cash, and your school schedule typically wasn't hectic, so you usually you'd be able to work a lot every week.

However, it just so happened that the few weeks you requested to work only a bit, the higher-ups just had to ignore your request and give you your usual working hours. Why do you want to work lesser these few weeks? It's because it was period of time where projects are starting to be announced, exams were coming up, and you desperately needed just a few weeks to just mentally prepare and finish up last-minute things.

But oh well. You lose your time, but earn more money. A win is a win. All you needed to figure out now was how to manage your time well since you had juggle your school, physical and work life.

Entering the cafe you worked at, you greeted your colleagues and flashed at the smile at the customers that came by often. Walking into the staff room, you placed your belongings on one of the tables at the corner. You tied up your hair into a low ponytail, and placed a cap over your head, wearing an apron afterwards. You quickly checked your phone to do a time check.

5:56p.m.

Your shift ends at 11, and you have about 5 hours and 4 minutes to go. You became irritated remembering the fact that if the higher-ups had respected your request, you could've been at home by 8, but what can you do? You let out a quick sigh before keeping your phone in your bag and punching your card.

You worked as a barista at the cafe near your school, and the experience wasn't really that bad — you could even say that it was quite a fun job, but sometimes the timings they made you work and the last-minute requests from your colleagues to cover them up pissed you off. Especially today, since you had just gotten 2 new projects and 1 assignment.

Seriously man, your cafe should seriously get more employees. The way they were relying on you was crazy.

You stepped out into the working station, and realised that the cafe was pretty packed. It was quite normal since it was peak hour, and you took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for the customers you would have to deal with in a while.

"Hi! Could I get your order?"

"Hello! What would you like to order?"

"Anything else for you, sir?"

"Thank you, see you again!"

"I'll bring this right at your table! You can go sit down!"

"What seems to be the problem here?"

"Could I get your name for your drink?"

It was task, after task, after task, and you would be lying if you said you weren't exhausted. You were completely overstimulated, and you felt that if something small were to go wrong you'd literally explode. Sweat ran down your forehead as your eyes struggled to stay open.

Time check : 9:58p.m. 2 minutes to closing.

You were extremely relieved that the entire cafe was empty, and that it was just you and your colleagues. You leaned against the counter as you closed your eyes, finally having a chance to rest after a hectic day of work. Your 2 colleagues were in the staff room, chilling before it was time to do closing.

You were feeling relaxed, until you heard the chimes of the bell ring, indicating the door was opening. You instantly felt ticked off, pissed off at the fact that someone was coming in JUST 2 minutes before closing.

"Fucking hell." you mumbled to yourself before releasing a deep breath and walking towards the counter, head hanging low from exhaustion.

"Hello! Could I get a chocolate milkshake?" a deep voice spoe out.

Are you fucking serious? You came in this late just for a chocolate milkshake?

"Okay! Sure! Anything else?!" you quickly shot your head up looking at the figure in front of you, eyebrows slightly furrowed and your tone sounding annoyed.

Next thing you know, your eyebrows were raised, and your heart practically skipped a beat. The figure standing in front of you was a male. Not just any male, an extremely attractive one.

He was tall, his shoulders were broad, his eyebrows were straight, his nose bridge was high, his eyes were extremely pretty, his lips were soft and glossy, his clear glasses that framed his face so perfectly, his fringe perfectly falling onto his forehead, and his ear piercings making him seem more attractive. The cherry on top was how well he dressed and how good he smelled — he smelled like vanilla.

Fuck. Out of all people, I just had to lash out at this... flawless man.

You thought his smile would drop from the way you replied to him, but his smile remained plastered onto your face, making your heart beat even faster. Fuck? He was so attractive?

"Nope, that's all!" he said cheerfully.

Oh. My. God.

You were discovering something new about yourself, and it was the fact that you liked happy and soft boys. Typically, all the boys you went for had a gangster vibe, but none of them had you flustered at the first meeting like this.

You gulped as you nodded, eyes breaking the eye contact as you nervously keyed his item into the cash register.

"T-that will be $6.40." you said, trying to put up a professional front, but the nervousness in your tone giving you away.

"I'll pay by cash!" he spoke out again, his voice making your heart skip a beat.

You nodded again, looking at him as he takes out his wallet. You glanced down at his hands, and boy oh boy were they pretty too. His fingers were long and slender, different to what you usually liked — short(er) and veiny. He took out the exact amount and offered it to you, maintaining his pretty smile.

You nervously smiled at him as you took the money from it, putting it into the cash register and a receipt came out.

"N-name?" you whispered nervously. "What?" "Y-your name? For the drink." "Oh! Sunoo, my name is Sunoo!"

You were writing down his name on the receipt, but you spelled it as 'Sunoh' and your handwriting was all ugly too. Sunoo took notice to it.

"Ah! No that's not how you spell it."

Without any warning, he leaned closer to you, holding and guiding your hand that was holding the pen to write his name correctly. Fuck, the handwriting was still terrible but at this point you didn't care. Did he just technically hold your hand?

At this point, blood was rushing to your face and you were blinking at him, completely flustered and confused. After you two finished writing his name, he leaned back, smiling at you again. You blinked at him a few more times before you stood up properly and nodded, walking away to make his drink (and almost tripping a few times).

The entire time you were making his drink, you could feel his gaze on you and it was causing you to make a few spillages here and there. Your colleagues opened the staff room door, causing you to jump and spill even more.

"Oh, we still have customers?" your colleague, Jeongin, spoke out. Jeongin was one year younger than you, but you both bonded well and hung out sometimes outside your part time job regardless.

If you were still angry, you would've just lashed out at Jeongin for scaring you since you and him were pretty close, but the way you were so flustered, you just quietly nodded at him, continuing to make the chocolate milkshake the pretty boy wanted.

"Oh hey! It's Sunoo!" your other colleague, Seungmin, spoke out. Seungmin was the same age as you, and you both shared a few classes. You watched as Seungmin walked out of the working station to dap Sunoo up.

"You know him?" Jeongin questioned. "Yeah! Him and I are in the same classes and hang out!" Seungmin replied, then turned back to Sunoo "First time visiting?" "Mmm'yeah!" Sunoo replied, his voice making your heart beat faster.

Not wanting to eavesdrop further, you continue to make Sunoo's drink, feeling less tense since Sunoo had something else to focus on instead of you.

The boys continue to have their conversation, and after a while, you finally finished making Sunoo's drink. You sprayed the whipping cream and placed the dome lid, placing a straw inside and turning your back to serve Sunoo his drink.

"Your drink." you said coldly, not trying to make your feelings obvious. "Thank you!" he flashed you another smile before taking the drink into his hand.

He was about to walk out until Seungmin called out to him. "Hey, leaving so soon? Wait until we close~"

You watched as he turned back, his hair slightly moving. You thought you were hallucinating, but his gaze shifted to you for a few seconds, then back to Seungmin.

"Nah, I have to get started on the project."

The project? Was he in the same class as Seungmin? Wouldn't that mean Sunoo would be in the same class as you as well? If he was in the same class, why have you never noticed him at all? He definitely would've stood out to you?

Seungmin's voice broke your train of thought. "Boriiiing.. anyways, i'll see you in class", he quickly turned to you "and Y/N too, since she's in our class!"

Sunoo turned back to you, nodding and grinning at you. Your heart wanted to jump out of your chest.

"I'll see you both then!" Sunoo announced, before leaving, the door bell chimes ringing once again as the door opened and closed.

Your eyes blinked as you processed what had just happened. You had just met a flawless man, who had apparently been in your class for the semester and you had absolutely no clue at all.

Jeongin started clapping, "Chop chop, time to get back to work and get the fuck outta here."

You slowly nodded, still in a daze as you slowly moved. The 3 of you started cleaning up and doing your usual tasks for closing.

You couldn't sleep. At all. Your dark eyebags were painfully obvious that even someone could notice from a distance. You were sitting in class, waiting for the lecture to start and you were about to fall asleep, until someone spoke right beside you.

"Gyar!" a loud voice instantly woke you up, frightening you and you quickly sit up, eyes widened as you look at the person who did it.

Kim Seungmin.

"God Seungmin! You didn't have to scare me like that!" your heart was beating fast from the adrenaline, and you playfully smacked Seungmin on the shoulder. Behind Seungmin you could see a familiar figure sitting down. It was the person who kept you all night, oh my lord.

Sunoo looked at you and smiled, "Hey, don't scare her like that!" he said, playfully scolding Seungmin.

Seungmin stuck his tongue out to Sunoo playfully before looking back at you.

"Why are you here..?" you asked, puzzled at the fact both Seungmin and Sunoo were sitting beside you.

"We have the same classes.. duh.." "I know! But like.. why here?" you were referring to the fact that they were sitting beside you. "Ohhhh. I mean in class I usually sit with Sunoo, but since you two know each other now, I just thought that the 3 of us could sit together now?" Seungmin said, an innocent smile on his face.

'two know each other', '3 of us sit together'. No freaking way, you were going to be hanging out with Sunoo now. You blinked your eyes at him before you slowly nodded.

"Y/N" a soft voice spoke out, and it belonged to Sunoo. You instantly shot your head up to look at the pretty boy.

"Are you okay? Did you not get enough sleep?" his voice so comforting and soothing, if you could you would've slept to it.

"N-nah I'm good. I slept properly" — you didn't. "She always looks like that though" Seungmin teased, giggling at you as you glared at him and playfully smacked him again. Sunoo laughed at the two of you, and before you knew it, the professor came in indicating that class was starting. You opened your laptop, ready to take down notes.

Halfway into the class, Seungmin, who was in between you and Sunoo, was already dead asleep. Boy was softly snoring as he rested his head on the table. Gosh, so much for the boy who was just making fun of you earlier.

You heard sounds of the chair dragging near you, and you didn't question it, attentively listening during class. Suddenly, from the side of your view, you saw the chair beside you being dragged, and Sunoo sitting down beside you. Your eyebrows raised as you watched Sunoo sit himself beside you. He looked at you and whispered "I didn't understand this part, could you explain to me?" as he pointed to something on your laptop screen. You gulped as you nodded, starting to explain the concept to him.

The entire time you were explaining the concept to him, he maintained eye contact and constantly nodded, letting you know that he was listening attentively. He was tilting his neck the entire time and the way he looked was so attractive, it was impressive that you managed to even explain it to him properly.

"Thanks Y/N! You're pretty smart" he complimented, giving you a smile that never failed to make you go insane.

You smiled back at him, and was about to focus back to the lecture, until he spoke again.

"Are you working again today?" "Ah.. Um, yeah I am. Why?" "Ooh okay! I'll drop by later, then!"

Considering how tired you were, you were dreading work. But the fact that Sunoo said that he'd come by made you feel excited for work. You smiled, "okay, I'll see you then".

After this class, it was lunch, then 1 more class and you would be off to work. Seungmin suggested that the 3 of you would eat together, and so the 3 of you were off to one of the nearby food courts.

"What are you buying, Y/N?" Sunoo questioned, looking at you. "I think I'll just buy some banana bread, I'm not that hungry right now." "Are you sure? You might get hungry later" his voice sounding concerned.

You hummed in response, nodding your head. The way he was looking after you, it made your chest feel fuzzy. If he wouldn't mind you would've kissed him by now.

When the 3 of you sat down, you ate the banana bread that you bought from a nearby convenience store and Seungmin and Sunoo were both eating proper meals. Sunoo would occassionally share his food with you and even feed you. His body language was giving you so much hope, but you didn't want to rush it considering you only met the boy yesterday.

After this, you went to class alone since both of them had different classes. As soon as class ended, you rushed to work, feeling excited at the fact that you were gunna see Sunoo later.

Should I prepare his chocolate milkshake in advance? What if he orders something different? What if I prepare it too early and all the ice melts?

You entered your workplace, being cheerful as you greeted everyone and your colleagues. Today, you were working with Jeongin and someone else you weren't particularly close with. You punched your card 5 minutes early and started working, shooting your head up to the door everytime the door bell chimes rang, looking out for Sunoo.

Sounds of the bell chimed, and you looked up, finally seeing the figure you had been so eager to see, but he was beside someone. Another girl. Your smile instantly dropped, and you instantly looked away, trying to find different tasks to do to keep yourself occupied so your other colleagues would serve him in your place.

As you were cleaning the working station, a voice called out to you.

"Y/N!" you recognised this voice, and it was Sunoo's one.

You slowly brought your head up, instantly making eye contact as he gave you his usual smile. The girl beside him also looking at you and smiling.

"Ah, hey." your tone sounding cold as you slowly waved to him. "Could we order?" he questioned, still smiling.

You wanted to push your other colleagues to do this, but you realised that they were both occupied. You sighed as you went to the counter to serve him.

"Chocolate milkshake?" You stated, raising one eyebrow. "Yup, make it two!" he replied.

Who even likes chocolate milkshakes?

You rolled your eyes, annoyed at the response. You were clearly jealous and was trying to push him away.

You nodded, keying in their order into the cash register.

"$12.80." "Okay!" He handed out cash to you in exact.

You nodded at him as you took the money and put it in the cash register, giving him the receipt before moving away to make his order. Fuck, you were feeling bitter as hell.

After a while, you were done making the drinks, and called out his name so he could pick up his drinks. Initially, him and the girl were seated at one corner of the cafe, and when he heard you call him, he quickly got up and walked towards the pick-up station while carrying a small plastic bag.

"Thanks!" he glanced at you, before he slowly slid the plastic bag to you on the counter. "And here's some extra food in case you got hungry.. since you didn't eat much earlier"

You looked at him in surprise at his thoughtfulness. For a quick second, your heart was filled with warmth until your eyes quickly travelled to the girl he came in with, sitting down.

"You didn't.. have to. It's okay." you slid the plastic bag back to him, but he quickly slid it back to you. "Nope, I bought it specifically for you. Please have it." he quickly took the chocolate milkshakes that he ordered and made his way back to his seat before you could rebut. You watched him as he sat down and you sighed, taking the plastic bag in defeat.

You looked inside the plastic bag, and it contained all sorts of breads from the convenience store. Banana, chocolate, vanilla, blueberry bread. Why did he have to be so thoughtful?

Your heart felt warm, but you tried to brush those feelings away.

That girl was definitely his girlfriend right? I should stop talking to him before my feelings for him become even more serious.

You exhaled, as you continued your work, occasionally glancing at Sunoo and the girl. Your happy mood from the start of work quickly crashed down, and you dreaded work even more, anticipating the end of today's shift.

Work was even more hectic today, and once it was the end of your shift, you were thanking the Gods above. Unfortunately, Sunoo was still there, and apparently, he was alone?

When did that girl leave..? I didn't even notice.

As you were about to step out, you heard footsteps approaching you and someone grabbed your wrist.

"Could I take you home? It's late and all.. " You weren't surprised that it was Sunoo, but his request caught you off-guard. "No, I'm okay. Thanks." "Please?"

You turned to face him properly, and his eyes were pleading you to accept his request. You were so confused. Why did he want to walk you home? Did he wait for you? Where did the other girl go?

After thinking for a while, you finally responded. "Fine."

[briarberrythornedhart]

Gone Fishin’

18 plus or DNI

Contains: Sitcom energy, RoNance, Eventual implied Steddie x reader, Matchmaker!Eddie, Eddie & Robin Friendship, Eddie and Mike brother/bully dynamic, discussion of period typical homophobia in late 1980’s, no homophobic acts tho, spicy discussion but no actual smut

“Why are you smiling like that?” Robin asked.

Eddie adjusted his Family Video name tag and boosted himself up to sit on the counter next to the register. He leaned toward Robin, pointing at his face. “Smiling like what? Like this?? This here?”

Robin batted some of his long wavy hair out of her face.

Still grinning like a Cheshire Cat on edibles, He laid right down on his back. A long leg dangling on each side of the counter - sprawled out on top of Robin's order paperwork that was due this morning. He sighed and stretched in apparent satisfaction.

“Eddie, c’mon, less of your disruptive shenanigans would be appreciated today.”

Eddie huffed a laugh and rolled himself back up in order to push off the counter with a little hop.

Robin continued to berate him. “You have been smiling all crazy-like since you showed up. And you're everywhere while also simultaneously Not Actually Doing any Work??? I don’t want to complain about your mood because you’ve been a morose and moribund guy of late so this is a positive change, but today…What specifically gives? ‘Cause you are being a complete menace.”

“Someone is... maybe coming to visit the store today. To bring me lunch. Someone who said when I smile it makes her want to sit on my face.* So I thought I should be ready with generous smiles.” Eddie propped an elbow on the counter and leaned his cheek on his hand, smirking at the world.

“Oh my gawd, why would you tell me that?!?” Robin rubbed her eyes with her palms.

“I thought we were close friends now? Friends share things.” Eddie sounded hurt. But his big brown eyes were still shining.

“Tell Steve the details, you guys can bond over your slutty sex lives…”

“Excuse moi, but I am a one-man woman. That’s not slutty.”

“It’s slutty that you keep bragging out loud about it in public.”

“C’mon Rob, let me have this, it’s been a year since anyone even looked my way. And this gal does way more than look.” Eddie clocked that Robin had one eyebrow very raised in ‘closeted lesbian annoyance. “You know what, let’s find you a nice girl…”

“Will you shut your big-damn-mouth, someone might hear!!”

“No one is in the store, Rob. Look around. And anyway - they should grow up. It’s almost the 90’s for Crissake. Love is love and Lesbians are cool. It’s like Harrington says ‘Everyone loves...”

Robin clapped a hand over Eddie’s yap. “Everyone does not love the b-word that rhymes with tubes. This is a family establishment, Eds. It’s in the name above the door.”

Eddie nodded slowly. She let him go but he immediately popped off with, ”Sure - Everyone doesn’t like the same things, but the selection in the back room suggests common themes. And for the record, I was gonna say the t-word that rhymes with ‘kits’, not ‘boobies’.”

Robin let out a half-laugh half-groan. “That’s not better... ugh....You are impossible.”

“I know, I really am.” Eddie was positively glowing. “So, what we need to do is widen the net for you.”

“Whut??” Robin searched for her pen, she’d had it a moment before!!

Eddie pulled it gently from behind her ear and handed it to her unceremoniously.

“This town is too small to meet Out lesbian chicks or bisexually-leaning chicks, so we need to get you to Indy. Rick says there is a lesbian bar there. We can go this weekend. Keith’s on schedule for Sunday, so...”

“I’m not going to a...” Robin dropped her voice to a whisper, although it didn’t appear that there were any customers in the store. “Lesbian bar with you.”

Eddie gasped in actual hurt surprise. “Why the hell not?”

“Because... I dunno... it’s a Bad Idea tm.”

“Look, if you don’t want to go with me, that’s fine, I’m very hurt, but that’s fine - I know the perfect wingman for you.... Or wingwoman, to be more accurate.”

“Eds. Please. Pleeeease. I need to finish this paperwork and I need you to clean the restroom, can we just focus on work right now??”

“You think this job is more important than love??” Eddie gave her serious side-eye. He hopped over the counter instead of walking to the gate for the register area. He picked up the store phone.

“You, yourself, swore love was naught but bullshit, just last week.” Robin pointed out.

“Wellll...I was full of shit. And I hadn’t found love yet.” Eddie typed something into the computer and then began dialing the phone. “Hey Mikey, Is your sister around? Yes. Nancy, why would I want to talk with your baby-sister??? No. NO. Don’t put her on… Hi.... hi there Holly, how are you? Yeah, I’m fine too. Can you please get your Sister for me? Thank you.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Nancy isn’t gonna want to go...” Robin hissed.

“Hiya Wheeler, can you punch your brother for me? Thanks. No, that’s not why I called...... Okay, soooo... Can you take Robin to Indy this weekend to a bar to meet nice girls?” Eddie tapped out a drum solo on the top of the register. ”Yes? Yeah, I know a specific bar.....Yes? you will? Great. Thank you. Yeah, I know. She does..... You’re a peach, you know that?”

Eddie hung up the phone and smiled again - all benevolence, and bowed. “Thou art welcome.”

“Do I get even A LITTLE choice about this?” Robin asked, head in her hands. “I mean it is MY Life, and stuff, but do I get any say??”

“No, you don’t. It’s for your own good.” Eddie said in a tone that brooked no argument.

*For the record, this is not specifically what you said. You said something more romantic about kissing him all over and he heard what he wanted to hear. He does that. It’s cute, though.

----

1 week later, back at Family Video

----

“I blame you.” Steve poked Eddie dead center of his chest. “This is all because of your meddling.”

“I know you feel some kinda way about your ex and your best friend dating, but you need to put on your big boy pants about it, Harrington. It was meant to be.”

“No, it’s fine, that is fine, I mean, Robin put in her 2 weeks and they are going to France together and talking about getting an apartment near Emerson college.... and a dog when they get back. Already. Last month Nance said she wasn’t ready to settle down and now this?? And Robin doesn’t have time for me at all anymore....”

“I have time for you.” Eddie batted his eyelashes at Steve.

“Don’t. Seriously, dude. You are busy all the time, too, with your perfect girlfriend and I’m once again begging you not to give me the specific details about your sex life, okay?”

“Okay... jeesus. I’ve not been that specific.”

“No you haven’t, it’s just that you are very happy and it’s obnoxious.” Steve was teasing a little. Eddie could hear the bitterness underneath. “She knows you flirt with everyone right? She’s cool with that?”

Eddie cleared his throat. “She knows I flirt with you and she’s cool with specifically that.”

“I guess that’s flattering? maybe??”

“You guys get along, though, right? I mean, she thinks you are great.” Eddie asked.

“Yes, she’s very... great, too, and I’m happy for you. Just please don’t tell me I need to widen the net, I know the sea is full of nice fish - I am sick and tired of meeting chicks from far far away and trying to make long distance work.”

Eddie took a deep breath, rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans. “Actually, I was thinking maybe you ought to look closer at your options here. Locally.”

“How locally? I think I may have overfished this particular pond.”

“Very very local.” Eddie licked his upper lip and nudged Steve in the upper arm. “Maybe just expand your horizons a bit. Here??”

“And you’ll set me up on some blind date and it will be a nightmare...”

“Not a blind date... just something you might need to be more open-minded about.”

“If I get any more open-minded, my brain will fall out. Do you mean dudes? Cause I think I might be open to that, I just don’t want any more one night stands, you know??”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yeah, I guess, yeah.”

“Then let’s go out. Tonight.”

“What about your girl...”

“With my girl.”

“Oh.”

—-

[kraro-school-life]

A little update on my life rn:

I am sick. Like stayed home and cried multiple times because my throat hurts so fucking much sick. Whoever is trying to strike me down is doing a fantastic job :) The multiple weeks before haven´t been enough? Yet I still need to get my shit together, because so much is HAPPENING and I didn´t feel like writing by hand. So here´s my (kinda) journal entry.

There is this one art competition, which my teacher signed me up for. And I haven´t been able to work on my project the whole summer and the deadline is in 1,5 weeks. This IS optional regarding my school grade, but this is like a significant competition and my teacher and me think I have, eh, at least a decent chance at getting podium? I have a fully thought out, detailed idea... but basically only 2 sketches. And now I have to decide: do I go for it and start even though it´s gonna be HELLA (extra!!) work and might not garantee podium. The thing is, I don´t know if I´ll even finish this thing. Or do I just give up. Which, now that I typed it out, sounds crazy. Why would I give up? (Because Im so tired and stressed and all this work is not good for my mental health, bud did we ever care about that? haha).

Now that we got that out the way, MORE FUCKING DECICIONS!!!1!!!1

And not like small ones, no, the art comp might give me valuable clasification, that´s hard enough to decide. Now I have to decide what subjects I want for my Abi (exit exam). Are you being fr?? I knew this was coming but isn´t next Monday a bit too soon? Bro. Anyway. The thing is - I need to decide. And for that I need to do research if the subjects matter and how much, if specific degrees require subjects... Do I look like I know what I will be dooing with my life. So that.

I need to get info about a 10 day school? project I´m a part of. At least I hope it will be a fun trip. (Not fun making up all the work tho).

I am also responsible for my grade´s yearbook, which I also need to get started on immidatly. But for that I luckily have a friend that can help me out the first 2 weeks so I don´t have to stress as much. (I volounteered, but still. Someone´s gotta do it right.)

Generally uni research and qualifications are something I HAVE to get started on. Just yesterday I was in 9th grade wth?! I hate this transitional period. So much potential for mistakes, so many choices.

And school ofc, because assigments don´t know what a break is <3:

Religion presentation

Physics research

Philosophy hw (excerpts)

Eco hw

School art project finish

History hw

gonna brb trying to make a realistic schedule with all this shit.

My god is being a functioning member of society difficult,

Hope I don´t fuck myself over,

xoxo - ♦️

[butmakeitgayblog]

ADHD here, please tell me, teach me, write instruction to how brush and floss your teeth three times a day.

Please.

Do you set alarm clocks? Do you have apps that reminds you? T_T

And no, wisdom teeth ARE NOT easy.

I gotchu

👇👇👇👇

Nope no apps or alarms. It's all less about a schedule, and more just working it into your eating routine. Making flossing and brushing part of your eating process is the easiest way rather than just relying on memory or "oop it's 1pm, gotta brush!" when you may not even eat lunch until 2, you get me?

Here's my process:

1. Brush before you eat breakfast. If you feel a bit nauseous in the mornings, try and sip some water to settle it down, but whatever you do, do not eat or drink anything other than water before your first brush. Why?

Eating softens the enamel! Acidic drinks (coffee, juice, etc) softens the enamel! If you eat/drink and then brush, you are quite literally brushing away your teefie's lil coat of armor!

2. Brush yo damn tongue. I know it sucks. I know you'll gag. It's hell. Do it anyway. I'm suffering with you ✊

3. Don't just go crazy everywhere in there. If you're zigzagging around your mouth like it's Mario kart, you're missing spots. I brush in sections to guarentee coverage. Top right molars - front, bottom, back, back edge. Bottom right molars - front, top, back, back edge. Etc. In total, six sections each brushed exactly the same.

I'm fully aware written down it sounds OCD levels of bullshit, but I promise, it's the same 2-3 minutes spent brushing as usual, just organized and effective rather than pure chaos and a prayer of plaque removal 🥴

Also, don't brush too hard. If your bristles are bent and smooshed, ease up my god you're brushing away the enamel by force 😳

4. After you brush and spit - Do. Not. Rinse.

Don't.

Put the water down.

If at most you have to refresh the tongue from feeling weirdly coated, take a tiny sip of water and gurgle only on the back of the tongue and spit.

I say this because the longer the toothpaste stays on your teeth, the better. You want that flouride and whatnot doing its thing on your enamel and gum line as long as possible, so give it as much time as you can and let your mouth naturally clean it out. It will.

5. Floss after every meal. Every one. It will become a habit and you'll start to hate the feeling of not flossing after. Floss after snacks!!! If it's solid food, floss. Period. Flossers can and will become your best friend because they are so convenient. I love them, I just keep a few in the zipper part of my wallet and whenever I'm out, I can (and do) floss on the go.

Side note, there is a right and wrong way to floss. So, be mindful of that.

6. Other than morning time, brush after meals when you can, HOWEVER!!!! WAIT AT LEAST 20 MINUTES (see part 1.) In those 20 minutes after you finish eating, drink water and thoroughly swish it around your mouth to help dilute the acid sitting on your teeth. Floss during this time as well to get the crud out from between your teeth so it's not just sitting there. If you're out in public or at a job where you can't brush after lunch, brush as soon as you get home. Literally take off your shoes, hang up your coat, kiss your pet (or spouse or... idk houseplant) hello, and then go brush.

8. After your final brushing of the day, eat or drink nothing else but water. Nothing.

Look at me

Nothing else ಠ_ಠ

If you do want to eat or drink again, gonna have to wait 20 min and brush again 🤷‍♀️

So you see, it's less about a schedule and more just working the act of brushing and flossing into your normal eating routine. Make the two synonymous. Make it part of your meal process. Eat. Floss. Rinse with water. Wait, then brush.

Important*****

For those who have days when they cannot mentally or physically make themselves brush, listen to me. I understand. It's ok. Believe me, I do know more than I ever say on here. But don't do nothing. If that is you, keep a small bottle of listerine next to your bed/chair so you can swish and spit. Buy a bag of flossers and keep those near you to at least floss. Buy those little one use brusher sticks/a clean rag and toothpaste and use those. If that's the best you can do, there's no shame in that. I promise your future self will be so, so grateful for these little things, because even a little is better than nothing. And in the end you deserve to have your mouth feel fresh, even when you yourself don't have the spoons to do much else.

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

I can't find the post about the greatest movie deaths to reblog it, but I just want y'all to know that topping my list is Queenie the dog's death in Crooklyn. Also included is Sonny from The Godfather and Samuel L. Jackson's character in Deep Blue Sea.

Life been life-ing like a motherfucker lately. And while some of it is just happening to me through no fault of my own, there is some of it that's also just me dealing with the consequences of my actions. I'm trying to focus on the things I can control, but it's easier said than done.

Death been death-ing like crazy too. From family to friends to friends who are family... This shit don't make no sense.

I'm 33 now. I haven't had a birthday party since I was 9, but I'm planning a birthday brunch for myself next weekend and I'm excited for it. And grateful that I have people to invite and who I know will show up for me. I'm really out here with chosen family. I came out here knowing no one. I might sound like a broken record at this point, but I'll never stop thanking God for that.

Had to kick my roommate's boyfriend out of the apartment a few weeks ago. I'm still shaken up over it. She told me he's not welcome back until I say he is and I told her I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with that again (read: I absolutely won't be). She says she understands and that that's a consequence he'll just have to live with... but I'm very aware that although she's saying that now, she may not be so understanding on a May 15th or a July 20th or... you get it. I hope I'm wrong, but if she's shown me anything thus far, it's that I can't always believe what she says.

This same boyfriend showed up unannounced at my place last Sunday night to "apologize." We talked through the call box and that was only long enough for me to say (and repeat several times) that I'm not in a place to accept an apology right now. He kept trying to convince me to talk, asking for "a minute of your time" and saying that he's really a good guy.

First off, anyone who calls themselves a "good" person, I'm wary of. I feel like that's the type of thing other people should tell me about you or that I should clearly be able to see for myself through your actions. Secondly, your solution to getting kicked out of some place is to show up to that place unannounced and try to force the person who wanted you out to accept your apology on your time and terms? Fuck all the way out of here. Thirdly, the lack of self awareness it takes to say you understand why what you did (not listening to us when we told you to leave) was wrong, but then to refuse to listen and leave AGAIN as you try to apologize is mind-boggling. Every time I think about it, I end up even more pissed.

I've been closing all my fitness circles nearly every day this month and I'm really proud of me for that. I even went and worked out on my birthday. Who is she?

The economy is a mess, the current job market is big trash, and the non-profit org I work for has fallen on hard times and informed us that there will be layoffs at the end of this school year. I'm applying and have been applying, but finding the energy to keep doing so is draining in a way I don't think I've experienced before.

And, on top of all that, my sleep schedule has been terrible. I thought it was just a side effect of my period this month, but that thing been gone for a minute and I'm still struggling.

April 13th (the day I promised myself I'd get back on a dating app) came and went. I downloaded an app. I created a profile. I consulted friends about which pictures to post and choose... but them fucking prompts? I know I'm supposed to show off my personality, sell myself, etc. I just ain't got the energy right now...

[someplace-that-is-else]

HAPPY MONDAY, LIKERS!!! #sdcc2024 has come and gone. And I got a few pictures after all around my work schedule. So...that was nice.

With that in mind...my mind has been on one thing today: #purpose.

Perhaps it's just me finishing my viewing of the divisive #TheBearFX Season 3. Or just my work hours period. It reminded me of two things. One...that #writing is also a job for me, not just a hobby. And two...it's a job that I love doing. So I should be finding more time for doing things that I'm passionate about, BUT allows for me having a life.

Of course, all of this could be on my mind because I'm about to finish my first leg of editing on my side-project. And with that #done, I could now rotate my #wip that I've been working on to continue what will more than likely be my next finished project.

Of course, I was currently on a scene that was very important to my forthcoming #horror novel. Why? Because it pretty much will lay out the theme of it. And I know you, Likers, know how I get when I'm working on a specific scene. And I want to get it right...before all the craziness and blood and supernatural stuff begin.

So...#choices.

I'm just very #grateful that my creativity has been very much active. And I've been able to focus it to interesting levels. Now it was about time management. That...and being present in the joy of creating.

#thewritinglife

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS - Chapter 16 - Part 1

BOOK ONE: The 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning - Adult Content*

Samuel Moretti

Walking into the cafeteria on Monday, I spotted Noah at our lunch table and started walking towards him when someone tapped my shoulder.

I turned around to find Ben Hernandez.

The boy from my math class.

"Uh, Hey. What's up?" I asked.

"Hey Samuel, I uh," he looked fidgety and nervous, which is odd because he was always so cool and confident.

"I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out this weekend with me?"

I tried not to convey how surprised I was by his sudden question.

I don't know why I was surprised, we flirt everyday in class but I thought it was fun and harmless.

Oh, God, I enabled this.

"Go out as in..."

'Not a date, not a date, not..".

"A date," he finished with an award winning smile.

"Oh, um... haha when?"

"Friday. I was thinking we could check out the new mini golf course that just opened up?"

Ah man, what do I do?

He's cute and all but... he's no Noah.

Jesus, I have to get over him.

"Yeah, I'd love to but I have to check my work schedule first. I'll text you."

"Yeah, perfect," he chirped out.

My hands were subtly shaking with nerves as I handed him my cell-phone to add his contact information.

He typed in his name and number then gave me back my phone.

"Just let me know," he added, smiling.

"Uh, this actually isn't my lunch period, so I gotta go to class."

I chuckled.

"The bell rang like two minutes ago. You're late," I told him.

"It's worth it," Ben winked.

"Text me," he said before walking away.

'Oh boy.'

I took a breath and continued to my lunch table.

"Hey, where were you?" Noah asked as I dropped my bookbag on the ground and took a seat next to him.

"Um, Ben wanted to talk to me," I explained.

Luckily, it was just us two since the rest of our group went in line to buy a lunch.

"Ben?" Noah questioned.

He looked good today, his dark hair messy and wavy.

He wore black cargo pants and a baggie t-shirt.

All white Nike gym shoes.

"The Junior? Benjamin Hernandez?"

I took my lunch box out and fished through it for my sandwich.

"Oh, what'd he talk to you about?" Noah asked, more focused on his lunch.

"He, uh, asked me out. On a date... this Friday," I explained, my eyes not leaving his face so I could catch some sort of reaction if any and there was.

Noah's fork stopped trying to stab into his pasta salad but didn't look at me.

"Oh. I didn't know you liked Ben," he said then continued picking through his salad.

He had a habit of taking all the vegetables out, so it ends up just being noodles.

Noah pausing was weird, right?

He definitely stopped when I mentioned the date but I shouldn't read into that.

"Uh, I don't even know if I like him or not. I never really thought about him that way, so it kind of surprised me when he asked," I told him honestly.

"So? Did you say yes?" Noah asked nonchalantly like he had no interest in this conversation.

Not that he would be interested... unless?

'No, Sam, don't go there but he wouldn't look at me.'

Part of me felt like I needed to look into his eyes.

See a hint of disappointment or irritation that I was going out on a date with someone who wasn't him but I knew I'd get my hopes up.

"I told him I'd have to check my work schedule."

"I thought you told me you don't work this Friday," he pointed out, finally looking up at me.

I know, idiot, I just wanted to know how you'd react.

Was it crazy for me to think that Noah would stop me from agreeing to go on a date?

"I know. I... just wanted your opinion."

Noah gave me his tiny smile.

"Why would you need my opinion?"

'Because I think I'm in love with you and want you to tell me that Ben isn't good enough for me and that I should be with you instead.'

"I don't know. You're my friend," I shrugged.

"I value your opinion."

"Well, I don't know Ben that well but he seems cool," he shrugged, going back to not looking at me as he insisted.

"You should go out with him."

My heart sunk.

Why was I so disappointed with his response?

I knew that was what he was going to say.

"Although, you're way out of his league," Noah mumbled.

********

The week flew by faster than I'd like.

It was Friday evening and I texted Benjamin Wednesday that I would love to go on a date with him.

He said he'd pick me up at six.

Then, it was time to get ready.

I've tried on my fifth shirt and was currently examining myself in the mirror.

Black button down shirt with my nicest pair of chino pants and my favorite pair of Vans.

I groaned and laid my head back.

"Haven," I hollered.

I heard a door open and Haven's quick steps getting louder and louder until she barged into my room.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked with panicked eyes.

I turned to her.

"Does this look stupid?"

She rolled her eyes.

"You yelled my name to ask for my opinion on your outfit?"

"Yes. This is important."

"Why? Where are you going?"

"On a date..." I told he hesitantly.

Haven's eyes went wide with her mouth falling open.

"What? With who? Why didn't you tell me?" she exclaimed as she excitedly sat on my bed.

"Benjamin Hernandez and you're never home. You're always with Zach," I said with a little annoyance.

'I missed my sister, what can I say?' '

"Ben? As in Ben from the movie theater? I never heard you talk about him."

I shrugged.

"We're more school friends but he asked me out, so now we're going mini golfing and I don't know what to wear."

"You look great. You always do but I think you should wear that burnt orange sweater with your white collared shirt underneath. That always looks nice on you. Plus, I heard it's going to be chilly tonight."

"Fine. Okay, you can go now. Thank you."

"Hmm, you're welcome," she chirped out before leaving and shutting my door behind her.

After finally deciding on what to wear- exactly what Haven told me to, I sprayed myself with cologne and made sure to brush my teeth.

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang.

Oh God. Okay, okay.

This was good.

Ben was the safe choice.

I liked Ben.

Taking a deep breath, I opened it to reveal a hot looking Ben.

He checked me out.

"You clean up nice," he grinned.

"You're not too bad yourself," I said.

Ben brought his hand that was behind his back and presented a single red rose to me.

"This is my first time ever going on a date," he told me, nervously while he scratched the back of his head with his free hand.

'So cute. Gah.'

"I honestly didn't know what to get you and even though its extremely cliche, I hope you like it."

I suppressed my smile and decided to mess with him.

"Thanks but I'm allergic to flowers. The smell has me sneezing for hours."

His jaw dropped, then his eyes widened.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I knew it was a stupid idea..." I laughed and grabbed his shoulder to stop him.

"I'm kidding."

Putting his hand on his chest, Ben sighed in relief.

"Your reaction was priceless though."

"You're horrible. That's not funny," he said but was smiling.

"It was a little funny," I said then grabbed the rose.

"It's not stupid," I assured him.

"It's actually really sweet. Thank you. I'll put this in water real fast then meet you in your car."

"Okay," he said then walked off to his car.

I sighed, walking back in my house to find a vase.

I really hoped that date will get my mind off Noah.

Ben was the safe choice.

This was good.

[blahandwhatever]

still consumed by the sleepy

yesterday I had to wake up only slightly extremely late instead of extremely extremely late

taste-tested the most bewildering set of unflavored protein shakes

they all tasted like dry oats

the beautiful Matrix Sciences birch was already partly bare

fall in full swing and summer returning

took myself for a walk before dark, got a poke bowl (not the best)

today I didn't want to get up but had to make myself eventually

had to skip washing hair because late and feel greasy and unpretty

had to get to Costco for eggs before fucking 6 PM

at least it got me out of the house before sundown

people at stores talked to me more than I was prepared for

at home I had the quickest nutritious dinner I could make (still slow to eat)

took a long nap, woke up with jobs on my mind

there hasn't been anything more important in months

(at least not in my own life, besides self-care)

my sense of direction is strong right now, but my action-taking is slow as ever

and I puzzle again and again over the lack of payoff, and what to improve (without money for new credentials)

I did hear back from two jobs this week

one had me do an assessment - still waiting to hear back about that

one asked me to set up an interview, and I wonder if the effort is worth it for a low-paying job - it's temporary, and it's something, but I'm hoping another will work out; I have a few days, so I'll see if the other hires me

none of the higher-paying jobs have given me a chance

there's a good one I want to apply for that asks for references

most of them don't, but when they do, it's always three

I have two and can't think of another good one

makes me realize I need to be more careful about looking good in the eyes of higher-ups

I usually haven't bothered enough, and I've had some tensions with most of them

then there's jobs that were just too brief or where I was just a number

a year ago I was doing so good

I knew it might be too good to be true

but it got worse partly because I messed it up

I flew a little too close to the sun

I went too fast for my big-bucks-in-a-few-hours

but I still have the job, and I still hope it'll pick back up

*

it's October

two years ago I got a set of glasses that brought me inordinate pleasure

last year I found a bottled water that bought me inordinate pleasure (don't buy the little bottle six-packs anymore because they marred the design with a green recycling symbol. also concerns about the recycled plastic. also lack of money. the bigger bottles are still good but less delightful.)

before I had little birthday parties, this year I probably won't given the state of everything, unless someone suggests something (doesn't bother me, I just wonder how everything will be going forward)

if I did, I'd have less to clean than usual

little by little, I get more on top of things

to be fair, there also isn't the mess or busyness of all the shopping I was doing

ohhh I want to do this month better than last year

need to fix my sleep schedule, fix my sleep schedule

I reached a point where I was feeling super-good and starting to sleep less

one day I slept four hours (morning study), and I think it was the first time I ever didn't feel dead on that amount of sleep

then I slipped up a bit again with the iron supplement schedule and my mood and appearance got a bit worse again

I course-corrected, but that brought me back to the long sleeps, which I see the healing effects of, and surely won't last too long, but it would be so much better if I just didn't slip up

crazy to think of all the low/weird periods I had in the past year and how this was probably at least partly responsible for all of them

it really has shown itself to be one of the most powerful things in my life - in like, every way

truly the mineral of strength

and so I must treat it like the god that it is, prioritize it at all costs

why be a lesser self when it's so easy to avoid

*

I keep feeling the need to rebalance things in my life, reduce some types of stimulation

it's great to have plenty of stimulation - and kind of amazing how much I do with the constraints I'm under

still, too much consumption can mean not enough introspection (or creation), and I've been feeling not as in touch with my own journey as I'd like

there's also just the all too quick and effortless nature of browsing stuff online that too easily steals time away from consuming somewhat more challenging and rewarding things

there's so much to genuinely love here, so much I'd like to not miss out on, yet somehow I have to continue the difficult work of culling my Tumblr browsing to make more room for other things

[deathberi]

Hello hello dear Eri!!! Coming late here, my week was crazy and busy as hell! How was your week? Hopefully a peaceful one 🥰 weekend work duties sounds terrible, i hope you can get some rest as often as you want despite that! Yesss you're right, it's more pleasant to go out during your days offs when it's during the week instead of weekends! There really is less people in the streets, and i'm living in a big city, it's really more enjoyable! But i can't see my family as often as i want because we have different schedules and weekends! that's the most annoying thing...

Ohh yes it's always sad to notice little things that we dislike in series we really really like! I'm more the kind of person who likes so so much a serie and will act blind about things I dislike :') honestly I think i should rewatch/reread bleach before watching the last season, it's really been a while since I read the end

I do not have any patience too, recently I'm I thinking about reading blue lock so bad, but I love watching the anime, and I know if i'm starting to read i will lose interest for the anime ; that's also why I havent started to read Kaguya yet because i really enjoy the anime, also I already have watched 3 seasons so I guess I can wait more and no read 🤷‍♀️

Gosh I saw all the hate about the end of tokrev, and even before, when the last arc has started to be published. It's astounding. People absolutely didn't get it, and they were spreading hate on twitter and elsewhere, before and now! I was almost 100% sure it was gonna end well for mikey, at least ; i desired to see everyone be saved but I wouldn't have imagined how it would have became possible and I'm very glad how the end has turned unexpected but good! And yes I feel the same, those who spread hate about tokrev are those who haven't read the manga, properly, they were just here because it was popular or something. Because if you properly read it you can easily guess that it will end happily? It was the goal of Takemichi!!! Ngl the rushed part it's something sad to me, but I wonder if that didn't happen because of the editors? Same for bleach i think, it was very popular so the editor asked for more and then it has lost in popularity and wanted Tite Kubo to end his manga? No sure about it tho

Dhjsjs i totally get what you mean!! And it's working in the other way too, I can like a serie more than characters from it themselves, idk if it makes sens bdbsjs

Oh i guessed right about ichiruki, i mean fortunately ; i dont know much about dragon ball/ and digimon but as I can see, seems like you adore these ships a lot!! 👀👀 I totally get it!!! Deuteragonist, the best type fr, i like main characters but if they're at their best it's essentially thanks to the second mains isn't it? 💁‍♀️

Actually i haven't, i've only checked your fav but not your watching/reading list shsjs oh so I'll definitely recommend you to give a try to sakamoto day, I'm pretty sure you'll like or at least i hope so!! Ousama ranking is definitely a cute one ; I've watched it during a sad period of my life during this year and idk, it has cheered me up somehow

Okay okay okay I totally get it for one piece ; tbh I've started it something like 10 years ago and I paused it nearby chapter 600 (like you) FOR YEARS, before I caught up a year ago after rewatching everything! If by chance, even the tiniest, you desire to follow one piece again then, then I'd love to talk about it with you djsks 👀💖

Have a good weekend Eri, next time I'll try to come earlier here🧡

hi santa!! omg dw about it i understand life can get crazy busy on the most random moment. i’ve had pretty chill weeks lately and yep totally get you with enjoying big cities during less peak days and hours but also sacrificing the usual common sched with the fam and friends. i actually live away from most of my fam and now i’m answering late cuz they called me for a month long vacation (not that i’ll be really entirely free, i’m working remotely so i can go anywhere if i wanted to without taking much leaves, but this time theres lotsa travel involved plus it’s too long to leave my pc so i had bring stuff and set up here and there) and it started with a long beach trip!

ah i wish i could do that but no, i’ll be hating every single thing i dislike about it…while still consuming every single piece of media lmfao. i would suggest you at least reread some stuff if you plan to watch this latest one. i get annoyed when i see people over glorifying this latest season without even remembering shit from manga and everything that happened before this arc 😂

the top of my mind says anything comedic and not too plot heavy, i can stay anime only/first! i can see how that works well with kaguya. blue lock stuff is everywhere but still i havent started watching it 🫣

yeah they were just on tokrev for its popularity. tokrev twt is too loud you just know majority never looked at the source content and just out there for the clout lol. and each time wakui kills one i just go “ok youve done it again but if they dont end up happy im burning your house” 🤣 cuz how can it not end that way that’ll be like basically throwing away everything takemichi did. ahhh, editor issues. idk if there was any of that in tokrev as i stayed away from tokrev twt aside from a few fanartists, but yeah so much with bleach things were a mess

thats totally possible true! i can like this one for the overall stuff that it is. hehe if someone calls this a ship blog i wouldn’t deny it 🤣 my solid shipping shenanigans happen when theres a resident grumpy boy i can perfectly pair with the best girl (and picking girly favs does not happen as often as simply picking best boy deuteragonists). thats true!! in my kid and teen years i’ve auto focused on the second mains without batting an eyelash but now my appreciation for sunshine protags have gone up but that also means i’ve paid much attention to them now to enforce they couldnt be whatever they are without the grumpy babes 😂

they do sound great! thanks for the recs im definitely taking them. for op i feel like i just need the right push to pick it up fully again as we all know it would take some effort and commitment? 😂 (ack maybe cuz i have no ship in it and no one’s grumpy enough for my tastes 🤣)

thank you santa! you too have a great week ahead! til next time~ ^^

[compo67]

Sam.

Hrmm? Dean?

Wake up.

I'm up.

My stomach hurts.

I told you to stop eating cereal so late and to quit putting ice cubes in it.

This isn't I'm gonna barf hurt. It's different.

Anxiety?

Maybe.

Sugar before bed won't help it.

Lay off my goddamn cocoa puffs. It's not that.

Then what is it??

Look, Professor. What do you know about anticipatory grief.

Anticipatory grief?

You heard me.

Uh. Well. It's like grieving, but ahead of schedule.

It messes with your brain, right?

I suppose. Yes. It puts your brain into fight flight or freeze mode for an extended period of time. I'm not a psychologist though.

Kiss me, Sammy.

O-Kay, sure. Here.

Did anyone else mention how good you are at that?

A few.

I'm the only one who got to bring home gold, huh?

That's one way of putting it, yeah.

Imagine the two of us, our brains crazy with anticipatory grief, running ourselves into the ground.

I don't know where you're headed with this...

Sometimes I'm still running myself into the ground just so I can... never mind.

Dean.

Hmm.

Dean, you should kiss me.

Why?

Because.

Because why?

Because I want you to.

If I do, I'll wake up.

You're already awake.

Tell me something you haven't told me before.

Something I haven't told you before? Like that exists?

I know you keep your secrets, Professor.

Hmm. He wants a secret. Okay. I hate crunchy peanut butter.

Real mature, Sam.

I'm sorry, I didn't know you expected me to bare my soul.

Make with the secret.

Ugh, must I?

You must, you must.

Okay, Waco Kid. Listen up. I've had a lot of dysphoria in my life. That's not a secret. The secret is that I hated my body the most when I was soulless.

What? Why...

You said share a secret, don't go full Godfather and shoot it up.

I never knew.

Sorry for the snark, but it was a secret.

Okay, okay. Fair. But why? I mean. I get that you weren't you.

I've never been muscular like that. I had muscle, but that was a whole new level. It took me a few years to feel... at home in my body again. I don't know how 'I' did it, you know? Steroids? Protein shakes? Constant push ups? I don't remember.

I'm sorry, Sam.

You don't have to apologize, Dean.

Still. Why is so much of the past so painful? You'd think it'd hurt less over time, but nope. Not for yours truly.

Well, maybe it's the way you approach your past?

Sometimes, Sam, I wake up and I immediately feel lonely. It doesn't go away until I hear or feel you breathe for a few seconds.

Dean.

I want to accept loss. I want to accept that things hurt and shit fucked me up. I want to accept that I can feel peace and be a good person. That I deserve it.

You do deserve it.

Be nice if that'd sink in.

I'll make it sink in and remind you. Every single day. You deserve this. You deserve me and I deserve you. That's what happens when you choose each other.

...it is?

Absolutely.

Does looking back hurt for you?

Sorta. If I think about it too much. Or too often. I prefer to stay as present as possible. Dean, don't hog the blankets.

I'm not hogging. I'm... strategically gathering.

Whatever.

So, staying in the present. How's that working out for you?

I get plenty of kisses, that's one thing.

Kisses? What about smooches?

Gotta have the smooches.

Sam, you make me laugh.

Dean, you make me want to make you laugh.

My stomach feels better. Thank you.

Oh, good. You're welcome.

I might need a smooch though.

Here. You can have two.

[honeypiehotchner]

Satan’s Waterfall (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- one shot

I couldn’t think of a name for this to save my life, but Satan’s waterfall is literally what I call my period so... (Also this is 100% self-insert because my period was from actual HELL yesterday)

I wrote this instead of doing my homework. Enjoy xx

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: SMUT! period sex in the shower, “good girl” is said many times, Daddy kink (a lil), slight size kink (it’s inevitable with him), you and Hotch are newly married (I wrote “husband” organically and kept it)

It’s the second day of your period.

The first day is always the worst. The cramps are so severe that you’re nauseated (sometimes actually to the point of puking your guts out) and dizzy, freezing but somehow sweating, hungry but in too much pain to bring yourself to eat more than some crackers, and in desperate need of chocolate or coffee -- even though both of those things make everything else a thousand times worse.

You’re on birth control -- which was Aaron’s first question when he witnessed your period for the first time, completely on accident because you forgot you invited him over when your period was scheduled to hit. So, needless to say, it was maybe your fourth date night ever with your now-husband, and he had to hold your hair back as you puked. You had meant to reschedule that night, but you honestly weren’t feeling too bad until halfway through the movie the two of you decided to watch.

Regardless, birth control helps regulate your period and put it on a schedule, but so far it hasn’t done much to help the pain. Although, you used to pass out, and you don’t anymore, so maybe birth control has helped in a slight way.

Aaron doesn’t think it has at all. He still worries every single month, threatening to take time off of work (at least on the first day) to be with you, but you always tell him not to. You essentially threaten to become an unsub if he doesn’t take his ass to work, but he doesn’t find the joke as funny as you do.

Sometimes he’ll stay home because he’ll wake up and you’ll be in a shivering mess on the bathroom floor, or wide-awake next to him in bed (did anyone say period-induced insomnia?), or groaning to yourself quietly on the couch, having been there for hours so as not to disturb him.

Which is how yesterday went, actually, so that’s why he’s not home today because you told him if he stays home again to coddle you, you might become a fuming toddler.

Thankfully (but unfortunately for him), Chief Strauss called a meeting, so he had no choice but to go to work.

The second days aren’t even that bad. You’re still basically bed-ridden (or couch-ridden, at least, because the TV is in the living room), but you’re not puking and you’re not dizzy. You occasionally sweat like crazy when a wave of cramps comes, but nothing like yesterday.

You’ve showered, changed into new sweatpants and one of Aaron’s old t-shirts, had breakfast and lunch, and you’ve even done a load of laundry (mainly because you bled through the sheets last night). You’re having a much better day.

But, because it’s still that time of the month, it isn’t a great day because you’re still cramping. And lucky you, a bad wave hits right when Aaron walks in from work.

“I told you to let me stay today,” he says gently, pushing the hair back from your sweaty forehead.

“These are nothin’,” you whine, reaching out for his hand to hold anyway. “They’ll be gone soon.”

“You’re pale. Have you eaten?”

“Mhm, breakfast and lunch,” you nod, letting your eyes slip closed when the cramps ease. You feel your heating pad getting cold. It must’ve turned off. You start fumbling around for the controller, but Aaron beats you to it, turning it back on.

“That’s good,” he says. “What about water?”

“Oh, oops,” you chuckle. “I had one glass this morning.”

“And?”

“Anddd coffee.”

“Y/N…” He sighs. “What have I told you?”

“Yeah, yeah, I need to drink extra water when I’m like this. But here’s my thing: I’m suffering enough already, why make me suffer more by making me drink water?”

“Because it’s good for you,” he mutters, standing to fill a glass. “And you’re drinking more tonight. I don’t care if you’re up peeing all night--”

“I’ll wake you up every damn time I do.”

“Gladly,” he smirks, returning with the glass. “Come on, up. Drink.”

Begrudgingly, you sit up, muttering curses under your breath because now your back is cold which means you’re hurting more. Wordlessly, Aaron lifts the heating pad and holds it to your back while you drink some water.

“Good girl,” he says, taking the empty glass from you and sitting it on the coffee table.

“Don’t say that to me,” you grumble, already laying back down and grabbing a blanket, tucking it under your chin.

“Why not?” He asks, smoothing your hair again, smiling when you close your eyes.

“Because it gives me thoughts.”

“Thoughts?”

You open your eyes a little. “Thoughts.”

Aaron chuckles when you close your eyes again, effectively hiding from him. “Honey pie, you’re going to have to tell me what thoughts you’re talking about.”

“You know what thoughts I’m talking about,” you breathe. “Sexy thoughts.”

“Ahh, sexy thoughts,” he laughs.

“But I can’t have those right now.”

“Why not?”

“Hello?” You open your eyes, giving him a look. “It’s the time of Satan’s waterfall?”

“Satan’s-- Okay, just because you’re on your period, doesn’t mean we can’t have sex. It might make you feel better.”

“Oh, orgasms do, yes. I’ve had two today.”

He raises his eyebrows.

“Don’t give me that look. My issue is, I want you inside me when you call me a good girl.”

“I still can be.”

You scrunch your nose. “Too messy. I just washed the sheets.”

“Not in bed,” Aaron squeezes your hand. “We have a shower.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “Is my husband into period sex?”

He laughs loudly. “I’ve always thought about it, but you’re always in so much pain, I didn’t want to ask.”

“We’ve done worse things than have sex while I’m bleeding.”

“Yeah, but…” He lifts your hand to kiss your knuckles. “I never want to hurt you.”

You can’t help but grab his face and kiss him then, too overcome with love for him to stop yourself. His care, his tenderness. You’ve asked him to throw you around like a literal ragdoll before, and yet he’s still worried about hurting you.

“You know I’ll tell you,” you whisper, stealing another kiss. “You never hurt me. At least not in ways I don’t like.”

He groans into your mouth. “Time for a shower.”

“Already?” You giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck.

He lifts you from the couch and guides your legs around his torso, all the while keeping his lips on yours. He digs his fingers into your thighs and you squeal, allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth.

You have no idea how he manages to get to the bathroom without knocking into anything, but you’re not questioning it.

He sets you down and you start ripping off your clothes, and he joins you after turning the shower on.

“Someone’s excited,” he chuckles, feeling your fingers on his belt. All you have on are your panties, but he’s still got pants on which is unfair.

“Hey, you suggested it, so I want it.”

“Okay, okay,” he tosses his belt out into the bedroom, laughing because you’re already unbuttoning and unzipping him. “You are eager.”

“I’m horny,” you correct him. “And it’s your fault.”

“I know, sweet girl,” he kisses your forehead. “But I’ll take care of it.”

“You better.”

While he’s busy finishing undressing, you kick your panties away and hop in the shower, adjusting the temperature.

Aaron steps in a moment later, a stupid grin on his face. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” you reply, relaxing under the hot water. “This feels good.”

His face softens. “Are you hurting again?”

“Not really,” you roll your shoulders. “Don’t get shy on me now.”

“I’m not,” he promises, rubbing his hands up and down your arms. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Trust me, I’ll be fine,” you tug him closer, tilting your head to accept his kiss.

He starts slow, wanting to gauge your reactions before he does anything too drastic. He rubs your clit gently, waiting until he hears a moan before he continues. When his tongue slips into your mouth, one finger sinks into your core.

It’s different, that he’ll admit. You feel warmer and wetter, but you’re definitely not in any pain. Your moans are too loud for that.

He dips his head to your neck, suckling there, letting you thread your fingers in his hair while he slips a second finger into you. You gasp a little too loud and a little too suddenly, so he stops, but quickly starts again when your fingernails dig into his scalp in protest.

“Are you okay?” He mumbles against the hickey on your neck.

“More,” you whimper.

He scissors his fingers, wrapping his free arm around your waist to keep you steady. The added pressure of three of his fingers buried inside you nearly makes your knees buckle. Everything about him is so big and it makes you weak when you even as much as think about it.

He moves back to your lips, kissing you deeply, pausing only to ask, “How does that feel, little one?”

“M’gonna cum,” is your only reply, your eyes squeezed shut.

“Go ahead,” he whispers. “As much as you want, sweet girl. This is all about making you feel good. There you go.” He feels the first flutterings of your walls. He spreads his fingers slightly, knowing you love the stretch, when his fingers press right into your g-spot. “Come on, honey. Let go.” He moves his thumb to your clit, rubbing small circles before spreading his fingers once more, shooting you over the edge.

You cling to his shoulders, nearly biting him from the force of it. Everything is so much more sensitive when you’re on your period and you knew that, but it’s different when it’s him. It always is.

“That’s my good girl,” he murmurs, easing you to the ending waves of your orgasm. “How was that?”

“Amazing, do you even need to ask?” You laugh, kissing him. “Can you please get inside me?”

“Please what?”

“Please, Daddy.” You bat your eyelashes for good measure, even though you know he wouldn’t tease you, not right now. He just wanted to hear you say it.

“Of course,” he steals another kiss before finally taking his fingers from you. Wordlessly, he washes the blood away, and you should’ve known he wouldn’t give two shits about this.

And you’re right, he doesn’t. The sight of blood doesn’t phase him anymore, especially not your period because it’s natural. And right now he’s too worried about making you feel good to even bother pretending to be grossed out by it.

He’s already hard, so you can’t help but reach down and stroke him, grinning when he groans loudly.

Before you can blink, though, he has you up in his arms and against the wall, your legs already settling around his hips.

“Tell me if I hurt you,” he says again, looking into your eyes. “Okay?”

“Yes, I promise,” you assure him.

Accepting that answer, he drops his hand to guide himself inside of you, moving as slow as possible -- which you appreciate, even if you do want to be fucked. But you’ve never had sex on your period before, not even with previous partners, so you weren’t sure if having a dick inside you would actually feel good.

But damn it does.

You know part of it is because it’s Aaron, your husband, your best friend. His dick is good on a normal day, but when you’re sensitive from your period, it’s even better.

“Oh my fucking God.”

“What?” He stops moving, leaning his head back to look at you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you laugh, threading your fingers through his hair again. “Nothing. It feels good.”

He smirks, rocking his hips slowly, letting you take more of him. “Feels good?” He asks, and you nod. “Is it wrong of me to enjoy this?” He whispers, going deeper. “You’re so warm.”

“Harder, please.”

He slams his hips forward, nipping at your neck when you whine loudly. “Are you gonna cum again?”

You nod your head lazily, locking your ankles behind his back, arching your back, forcing him deeper. A groan stutters in his throat when he feels his head teasing your cervix.

You like that normally, but his paranoia has him pulling back. “Are you--”

“If you don’t shut up and fuck me.”

He doesn’t question you after that, especially not with the lethal look you had in your eyes.

With no more hesitations, Aaron finally gives in. Every thrust is deep, yet you still push your hips up, trying to take even more. He’s never seen you like this, this greedy and almost animalistic in the way you’re chasing your orgasm.

He lets you guide him, staying still when you pull him in as deep as he can go and hold him there. He nearly explodes a few times, having to stay still while your walls pulsate around him.

Soon you’re quite literally thrown into your second orgasm when Aaron’s thumb rubs your clit as he pushes in deep, staying there, letting you squirm until he tells you to let go, and you do.

“Good girl,” he whispers, kissing your cheek lovingly. “That’s my good girl.”

Once your orgasm has settled down, he carefully lifts you off of him, setting you back on your feet. A puzzled look crosses your face.

“What?”

“You didn’t…”

He smiles. “I told you, I wanted to make you feel good.”

“And you did, but--”

“It’s okay, sweet girl.” He kisses your forehead once before turning to rinse off his dick, but you’re not giving up that easily.

You sneak your hands around his waist, resting your cheek on the middle of his back while you swat his hands out of the way.

“Little girl...what do you think you’re doing?”

“Making you feel good,” you murmur, gently stroking him.

It doesn’t take long for him to cum with a muffled cuss word under his breath. You sigh happily against his back, letting go of his dick to hug him instead.

Aaron turns around to gather you in his arms, moving forward slightly so your face isn’t directly under the water. “Is someone tired?”

You shake your head, even though you practically bury yourself in his chest. “Just content.”

“Feeling better?”

“Much,” you giggle. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he kisses your forehead. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

[iwalc]

Surprise- Brian May x Reader

It was late. You sat on the sofa reading a book in front of the fireplace when you zoned out. You started to look around you and saw how beautiful your life had become. You were married to the one and only person you ever loved and together you had built this beautiful, incredible life. 2 years ago, 3 years into your marriage with Brian, you decided to have a child, a token of your love for each other. It was a rough start. There were numerous times where it didn't work at all, other times when you peed on the stick, soon after seeing a positive test, the excitement was immense and when you told Brian he got so excited, all of this to then be broken by the news of miscarriage. It broke the both of you but somehow you still managed to carry on. And for the reward of not giving in you could finally tell Brian once again that you were pregnant, and that time, all went well. In August 1980 you could finally give birth to a bouncing baby girl. It was a strange feeling, suddenly the gravity of your universe shifted and everything revolved around this tiny human, the beautiful Amanda that you and your husband, the love of your life had created and would cherish forever.

You had Brian, your beautiful girl Amanda, you had a beautiful and warm atmosphere you could call home, and there was nothing more that you wanted in life. Until a few months ago.

Your husband had started to secretly give you hints until he finally sat down with you and spat it out.

"Love?" he called silently since Amanda was sleeping, from the living room as you were in the bathroom catching up some laundry. "Yes, gorgeous" you answered just as you accomplished the task at hand. "Could you come here for a minute, there is something I'd like to talk to you about", "Ofc, I'll just wash my hands first". You thought about it as you washed your hands in the warm water. It must be something that's been on his mind for a while since whenever it's something ordinary he just spits it out, out of nowhere. You were curious.

When you walked towards the living room you saw him sitting on the sofa, his elbows resting on his knees, face in his hands. This worried you quite a bit. "Hey, what's up?" you asked as you sat down next to him, your hand automatically landing on his thigh. "I uh, I... There is something that's been on my mind" he started, looking down at his feet signalling his nervousness. "Well, I figured, I've noticed there's been something on your mind lately, but I didn't want to push you into talking with me if you didn't feel ready to." you gently said as you squeezed his tight gently. "I haven't found the right time to tell you and talk to you about it" he continued. "I want to know what's on your mind, love" you answered, really wanting to know. He turned his head to look at you for a moment, his curls falling off his shoulder, a smile tugging at his lips. "Do you want me to just spit it out or with some background information?" he asked chuckling a bit, "Do you think background information will be necessary?" you asked him smiling while adoring his beautiful features. His hazel, soft eyes, his prominent cheekbones, his jawline, his beautiful dark curls framing his gorgeous face. "No, not really. I uhm", "Brian, love, I know you are nervous but it's just me, spit it out", "I want another baby Y/N" he blurted out, waiting worriedly for your reaction, a small smile daring to tug at his lips. You were quite shocked, to be honest, it wasn't what you thought your husband had been thinking so much about. "You know Amanda is growing quickly, she's almost 2 years old now and I uhm, it would be nice to give her some company and" he didn't get to finish his explanation because of you interrupting him with a kiss. Taking him by surprise.

It was a brilliant idea. It made your stomach flutter with butterflies. You pulled back from the passionate kiss, seeing his chocked state made you laugh. He smiled at you, adoration poured into the gaze that reached your face. "I'd love to expand our family and have another child with you!" you squeaked, flying into his arms, which in turn led to chuckles escaping Brian's throat. The sound filled your heart and once again you thought about how perfect your life had become. You were so in love with everything, but most importantly Amanda and Brian.

The way he got so excited. The way his hazel eyes got deeper with adoration and excitement. The way his smile reached his eyes. The way he hugged you, telling you how happy you made him, how in love he was with you and to share his life with you. The way he existed. Your heart ached with love for this man.

And that day, it was set, you were going to try for a new baby. It wasn't always easy, already having a child to take care of, as well as Brians sometimes strange working schedule. However, to you, it was quite obvious it had worked. You were experiencing some symptoms, which reminded you of your first pregnancy: Absent period, hormonal imbalance, tender breasts, bloated, nausea in the mornings. Even Brian noticed some changes:

You had just gotten out of a late-night shower and were just going to change into your pyjama shirt when Brian suddenly commented something you found very strange. "Love, have you been missing your period?" he blurted out. This was something you never ever thought he'd ever think of, never the less keep track off. You turned around to stare at him, "Yes, in fact, I have, why?". "No, I was just thinking, I reckon you told me last month that we had to buy more pads and tampons til' this time, but neither of us has bought any and you have been feeling quite fine compared to how you use to feel when the time of the month comes around." he said like it was nothing, you just starred at him incredulously, at awe of the attention he had paid. "What? Did I say something wrong?" he asked as his face fell. "No, no you didn't. I'm just amazed by the attention you pay to those kinds of things. I wasn't prepared for the question nor the explanation for it." you said and chuckled as you dragged the shirt over your head. Walking to the bed you smiled to yourself, wow, what a man. As you buried yourself under the quilt, snuggling up to Brian who gladly put his arm around you he blurted out another incredulous comment. "I also can't help to notice that your breast has gotten bigger". You laughed at the comment. "I don't know if they're bigger, but tender they definitely are. How do you notice all of these things?" you couldn't help but ask as you looked up at him. "Well, I don't know, I guess I just do. And I've known you for about ten years now, and we've been together for almost eight of those. I would like to say I know you very well" he stated. "Well yes, you definitely do, and I love you for it!" you said as you reached up for a kiss, he chuckled a bit and smiled into the kiss.

Brian didn't ask anything after that, you know he had his suspicions but neither of you wanted to get the hopes up too early, regarding all of the tries before Amanda. However, after emptying your stomach one morning, you decided that it would be time to take a test. Brian couldn't be with you this time since he had work at the studio that had to be done, and since Amanda was spending time with her grandparents, Ruth and Harold, you figured it would be a perfect time. Since Brian wasn't home, nor did he know you were going to take a test, you decided to keep it a secret until you knew the result and decided to take it from there.

You had pregnancy tests laying around in a draw in the bathroom. You took one, peed on it, and while waiting for a result you went to eat some breakfast. Coming back to the bathroom to look at the test, you suddenly became very nervous, you really wanted it to be positive! You would hate to break the news to Brian, telling him that it was negative and that the symptoms had been a result of something else. You took a deep breath and grabbed the test. You slowly turned it around, feeling the nervousness clearly increase. All the fear suddenly washed away, it was positive.

Suddenly you felt all the emotions in the world all at once. Tears started to drip from your eyes as you smiled like crazy. The excitement was a fact which resulted in several exited screams and runs throughout the house. If anyone could see you they'd probably think you'd be crazy. But you didn't care because you were the happiest. You had more than you would ever wish for.

Before taking the test you were thinking about waiting to tell Brian until you've seen a doctor etc but now, there was no way you could make that happen. You tried not to call Brian at the studio to tell him. Instead, you rushed to the phone and decided to call Ruth and Harold.

It felt like it took forever before anyone picked up the phone. "The May household" you heard Harold answer. "Hi Harold, it's Y/N, how are you?", "Hello Dear, I'm fine thank you, how are you?" he asked, he sounded happy, it warmed your heart. You contemplated whether telling them or waiting. Apparently, you had been quiet for too long, "Is everything alright?" he seriously asked. You hesitated a bit, "Yeah, I uhm I think so", "You doesn't sound too sure about that dear, would you like to talk to Ruth?", "That would be nice, thank you, Harold". Harold was a great grandad and a wonderful father in law, however, you had always had a better connection towards Ruth.

You heard Harold calling for Ruth and some muffled noises. "Hello dear!" you heard Ruth's voice cheering through. "Hello Ruth, how are you? And Amanda?" you gently asked, not really levelling with her enthusiasm. "Oh I'm fine dear, thank you for asking. Amanda just ate some soup, so she's full and satisfied" she laughed. "That's great! I hope you're all having a good time and that she's behaving" you chuckled. "Oh dear, don't worry, she's the best!" you chuckled as an answer. "Now, Y/N, will you tell me what's wrong?", "I uhm, I was wondering if I could pick Amanda up a bit earlier than planned? Like today?", it was quiet for some time before she answered. "Oh, well yes of course you can! Is there something wrong?" she asked. "No, I don't think so at least" you chuckled, "I just want her home for tonight when Brians getting home.", "Y/N, I'm sorry but I can see right through you, there is something on your mind.", "Well yes, there are, I just don't know if I want to tell you before I tell Brian.", "Oh" and with this, you knew she understood. "Ok, I think you know by now anyway, I uhm, I'm..... pregnant, and I wanted to" you didn't get to finish your sentence because there was a scream on the other end and it made you laugh. "Oh my heavens, Congratulations!! I am so happy for you two!" she almost screamed. "Don't get too excited Ruth, it's still pretty early" you voiced your fears. "Oh dear, I understand your fear, I really do, but it will be alright in the end, I promise!", at this you got emotional, tears started to stream down your cheeks and you sniffled, "Oh love, It will be alright! We'll pack Amandas things and then we'll be right over, okay?", "Okay" you sniffled, "Thank you Ruth!", "No worries dear!", "Ruth before you begin packing things up, you don't have too, you can have her back tonight or tomorrow if you want.", "That sounds nice if it's alright with you two, but I guess you would appreciate some time alone to talk and everything, so we'll happily come and pick her up tomorrow again!", "That sounds great, I know she loves being with you two! I won't hold you up any longer, see you soon then", "Yes darling, see you soon!"

You took a deep breath. Wow. This was a rollercoaster.

You were so happy and so appreciative for Ruth and Harold. Brian and Harold haven't always been on great terms but the last year things have been amazing between them and both Harold and Ruth have always been amazing towards you. They are great, amazing! And there is no wonder why Brian is so great.

---

You were in the bedroom and looking for a specific body that Amanda had, knowing that Brian would know exactly when he saw it, when you heard knock on the front door. You quickly ran downstairs and opened to great your baby and parents in law.

"Hi," you both said at the same time as you opened the door. Ruth walked inside first and greeted you with a big smile, embracing you in a hug only a mother could. "You look great!" she happily said as her hands went to your cheeks, you chuckled a bit "Thanks, I don't feel great" you laughed, hoping not to get further questions. Harold stepped inside and handed you your baby girl, oh you had missed her. "Hi baby," you said in a squealing voice before showering her in kisses, making her laugh. Harold walked up to you, and to your surprise leaned in for a hug, he's not a hugging person normally, you gently hugged him and received a happy congratulations wish. "I'm happy for you both," he said, "Thank you so much, Harold," you said and gave him a joyous smile, just as you also felt tears streaming down. "Oh wow, I'm a mess" you laughed as you brushed the tears off. "No worries dear, I was the same when I was expecting Brian" she laughed and Harold agreed, not pleased with the recall of memories. You all broke down in laughs.

You welcomed them inside and as always they made themselves feel at home as you served some tea and biscuits. Ruth was playing with Amanda on the sofa. "Has she taken her nap today?" you asked as you saw how Amanda started to get cranky and sleepy. "No she hasn't, she was about to fall asleep in the car on our way here but we thought it was better to keep her awake so she could sleep here.", "Maybe we should go take a nap, baby girl," you said as you approached them on the sofa. Suddenly, Harold stood up, "I can take her to nap, if that's ok?" he asked, "Yes of course," you said as you walked and picked Amanda up and handed her to Harold. "I'll be upstairs with the bottle in a minute," you said as you walked to the kitchen to prepare the bottle.

---

Amanda was happily asleep upstairs and Ruth and Harold had just left. However, before they left they handed me a little box and you thought that now would be a good time opening it. Inside you could see a yellow shirt, in Amanda's size. When you unfolded the soft material you saw the cutest thing. The shirt had "Promoted Big Sister" embroidered on the front. You chuckled slightly as an idea about how to reveal the news to Brian popped up in your head.

This will be perfect.

---

Amanda was seated in her chair as you finished up the rest of the dinner. For the occasion, you had made Brians favourite dinner.

You had been so distracted by the food that you hadn't heard Brian coming home. You only noticed when Amanda squealed when she saw him entering the large kitchen. You turned around and was treated by a sight that could melt your heart a thousand times over. Brians had picked her up and were showing her with hugs and kisses, making the baby girl let out belly laughs. You felt how you were about to cry but quickly turned around again to brush them away.

Brian put Amanda back in her chair for a moment and approached you. Wrapping his arms around your waist, his lips brushed against your neck and kissed your temple. "Hi" you gently voiced. "Hello, love," he said and kept kissing your cheek. "It smells delicious," he said and placed one last kiss on your ear. "It's your favourite," you said and put down the spatula to turn around and greet him properly. "I noticed, what do I owe the pleasure?" he said as you wrapped your hands around his neck, his hands placed on your waist. "nothing special" you lied. "How was your day?" you asked as you leaned in for a hug, hugging his waist, his hands brushing your back. You could smell his cologne, feel his arms tightening around you. "It was okay, nothing special," he said, his voice low. He pulled away from the hug to look at you. One of his hands stroke some hair behind your ear to then cup your cheek. "How was your day? And why's Amanda home, shouldn't she be at my parents?", "They came to visit earlier and I wanted her home, but she's going back tomorrow," you said as you adored his face. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss you. The kiss was like nothing else, your whole body tingled. You felt the excitement again.

The dinner was nothing special. Brian kept complimenting the food, which warmed your heart. Throughout the whole dinner, you just kept adoring the little family you have and the excitement to reveal that one more was on the way kept getting stronger and you were growing impatient.

Amanda played with a rattle toy while you and Brian both cleaned up after the dinner, stealing hugs and kisses here and there.

When the kitchen was done cleaning you honestly felt exhausted, and Brian, being the wonderful husband he is, sensed that. He walked up to you and kissed your forehead as he hugged you. "You go sit down and relax and I'll take care of Manda" he said and kissed you again. "Thank you" you whispered.

Brian kissed you once more and walked excitedly towards Amanda, "Come here baby girl, it's time for jammies" he said as he picked her up and threw her up in the air, making her laugh once again. You felt at peace and happy as you saw them giggling, making their way down to the nursery.

It was getting quite late. You sat down on the sofa reading a book in front of the fireplace when you zoned out. You started to look around you and saw how beautiful your life had become. You were married to the one and only person you ever loved and together you had built this beautiful incredible life. And the excitement for the news Brian is left to find out is very much evident.

You couldn't focus on reading the book, you just sat there biting you lip slightly and listening to what was happening in the nursery. You heard Brian talk to Manda and her giggles. Until it all stopped.

Silent took over the house, the only thing you could hear was Mandas joller and the fire in the fireplace.

"Love?" Brian called for you. You didn't answer, you wanted to see his reaction without you interfering to early. "Y/N" he almost shouted. Silence took over again.

Apparently, he grabbed Amanda and the shirt he had discovered and worked to the living room. "What is this?" he said, trying to hide his excitement if it weren't true. "It's a new shirt I bought for Manda" you chuckled. He looked so confused. His eyes went from looking on Amanda, to the shirt, to you. "What?" he blurted out, confusion written all over him. You rose up from the sofa and approached him. He had put Amanda down on the floor as he inspected the shirt.

You walked towards him and when there was almost no space between you he looked up at you, studied your expression. You smiled and took the shirt out of his hands and folded it and put it on the table. You walked up to him again and smiled. He tilted his head a bit, once again showing his confusion. You took his hands and brought them up to kiss them and then placed them gently on your lower stomach to get the message through. He caught on immediately. His eyes widened and he let out a breath. "Ooh my lord" he breathed as he adjusted his hands slightly, his gaze fixated on your belly. You chuckled and once again felt tears forming in your eyes. "I'm pregnant, Brian" you said smiling as the tears ran down your cheeks. He looked up at you and a smile spread across his face, "Really?" he asked as he looked at you. "Yes, I took three tests and all of them was positive".

Brian moved his hands and embraced you in a loving, comforting hug. His head was placed in the curve of your neck, his hands wrapped around you, your hands on his back, feeling his warmth, feeling the soft curls against your cheek. What you discovered next melted your heart. You heard sniffles coming from Brian.

You broke the embrace and looked at him, your hands holding his cheeks, your thumbs brushing away the tears, as more tears streamed from your eyes. You both were crying out of happiness, and soon enough you were both laughing. Brian held your waist, "Oh boy I love you!" he said as he laughed and kissed you. "I love you more" you gently said, looking into his hazel eyes. "Thank you" he then said as a wave of more tears streamed down his rosy cheeks. He leaned his forehead against yours, looking into your eyes. "I.. I don't even know what to say. I love you so much and there is no other I'd want to share my life with. You make me happy, you're keeping me on track, you are my universe. I love you so much and I am so grateful for you! You have given me the best gift of live already once, and now again. I... I'm speechless. I love you so much! And I am so excited" he laughed. "I am so excited. Im so excited for all that the future has to bring us. To see Amanda grow up, to see this little bean grow" he placed his hands on your stomach, "I love you, so much!" he started to cry again. This hit you hard. How did you end up with this fantastic man? If only you could show him how much you meant to him so he could really understand.

"Baby, I love you! So much! And I am so happy. I have more than I could ever have asked for. I have a wonderful husband, who's also my best friend. You cheer me up when I'm down, you comfort me when I'm sad, you laugh with me when I'm happy. I am so glad and grateful that I get to share my life with you too. I love you so much it hurts!" you said and kissed his swollen, red lips to then hug him tight.

You were so excited for what the future would bring. You would never want to do this with anyone else. This was perfect.

--------------------

I hope you liked this one! I surely do! If you guys want maybe I could build this story further, maybe to follow them throughout the pregnancy or something? Let me know what you think!

[butwhyduh]

Pregnancy scare with the Batboys?

These all happen at different times in their lives. Dick at 24, Jason 26, and Tim 20 because I feel like that’s the ages they’d like have this.

Warning: it’s gotta little bit of everything. Fluff, smut, convenience story robbery, blood, one little crude sex joke.

Dick

“I stopped at the store and got everything we need before the store comes in. Even got those pad tampon things you use,” Dick said waving the box proudly. You rolled your eyes and grabbed the box.

“And what prompted that?” You asked, eyes narrowed.

“A coupon deal on them,” Dick answered and you laughed.

“That makes more sense. Let me put these up and I’ll cook dinner,” you said, walking to the bathroom.

“Nope! I’m cooking,” Dick said happily.

“Okay,” you said planning to help him anyways.

You walked in the bathroom to put the box in your usual drawer only to find it full. When was the last time you needed one? You did the math and realized that it’s been almost 2 months. With your university schedule being crazy and Dick got hurt a few weeks ago, you’d forgotten all about your period.

You skin chilled at the thought. What if you were- what if you were pregnant? You were too young. You were 24 but it felt too young. You were only dating. You hadn’t gotten to the kids talk yet.

“Hey babe, where is the- what’s wrong?” Dick asked from the doorway. He looked at the package in your hand and the matching one in the drawer with confusion.

“Uh, I missed my period last month,” you said and his eyes widened. “I completely forgot.”

“Oh.”

He looked at you frozen. “Wait- are you saying you might be...”

“Maybe,” you answered. “We gotta get tests and everything. And stress can mess it up. And we’ve been using protection every time.”

“Yeah. I’ll run to the store, okay?” He said before hurrying out the door. You sat on the toilet with the box still in hand. What if you were pregnant? Dick was a good guy but he didn’t exactly have a ton of money. He was a part time gymnastics teacher. You were in college.

“Okay I got 4,” Dick said, back in record time. He gave you the bag and watched you.

“Dick?”

“Hu?”

“Get out of the bathroom.”

“Oh right,” he said, leaving and shutting the door. You could hear him pacing as you took the tests. You unlocked the door as you waited for the tests to finish. A neat little row of absolute terror on the side of the bathtub.

“Are they done?” Dick asked anxiously.

“No. We wait two minutes,” you said almost hollowly with stress and he nodded roughly.

“If you are... I’ll be here. I’ll be here for whatever you decide. No matter your choice,” Dick said holding your hands. You gulped.

“Yeah. Thanks. I can’t believe I forgot,” you said with a little laugh. He hugged your shoulders.

“Things have been crazy,” Dick said with a shrug. Your phone alarm went off and you quickly looked at all of the tests. Negative. You both relaxed. You sighed in relief.

“That would have been crazy,” you said with a laugh. Dick laughed a little too. “I am not ready to be a mom.”

“Yeah. Same. I’d need a better job and a better place. Not that there’s anything wrong with our apartment but it’s too small for a baby,” Dick rambled on. He stopped when he noticed your little grin. “You know, I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you.”

You didn’t answer but pulled him in for a kiss that Dick eagerly returned before finally pulling away because you were in the bathroom surrounded by used pregnancy tests and boxes of menstrual products.

“I’ll clean up while you get dinner started. Yeah?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dick said with a kiss to your cheek.

Jason

You’d been thinking about it for a few days with a sense of denial. Your period was late. And you were mentally freaking out. You were too young. I mean, you were 26 but it felt too young! Your relationship was too new! You had been dating for 2 years but it felt too fast!

You hurried down to a corner store that you didn’t normally visit near your apartment to grab some tests. You jumped a little when the bell on the door rang as another customer entered the store. You had been too worried and stressed about picking from the 7 different types of pregnancy tests. Were they all the same or totally different? You just wanted to know ‘baby or naw.’ You grabbed three and put them in a hand basket.

“PUT your hands up where we can see them,” a man yelled and you froze before looking up, your hands above your head, basket on your wrist. “Take off any jewelry and pull out your wallets. We’ll be taking those,” a man in a ski mask said. There were a total of 12 customers and 2 shop clerks.

You carefully pulled your crossbody bag off your shoulder and held it out. A man grabbed it roughly from you and you made a tiny noise that made him smile. He looked you over and you wanted to shrink away.

There was a loud crashing noise as the side glass was broken and a man with a pair of guns blazing stood in the middle. The bright red helmet let you know that it was Jason and you almost sagged in relief. Almost. He pointed the gun at both criminals and shot at their knees. The rubber bullets hit them both in the knees and they fell before you could even move. He quickly punched them both in the head and they lost consciousness. Jason roughly tied them up by the register and everyone started to leave the building quickly while grabbing their things.

Jason grabbed you and pulled you from the building and up to the roof, basket still on your wrist. He rolled his helmet off and looked you over.

“Are you alright?” He asked holding your face in his hands. You grasped his wrists.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” you reassured him. He looked you over before his eyes fell to the basket. Jason froze as he looked at the contents. A candy bar and 3 pregnancy tests.

“Are you? Why do you have these?” He asked, looking at your face quickly. You sat the basket down.

“Maybe,” you answered quietly. His mouth opened a little as if you speak but he didn’t. “I mean, I’m late.”

“Okay. Alright,” he said nodding. “We just need to test first. God, you were almost shot and you might be pregnant.”

He pulled you tightly in his arms until the armor pressed against you. Jason’s lips pressed against the side of your head. For one of the first times, he looked scared.

Back at your apartment, you could hear Jason pacing as you took the test. You unlocked the door and he came in, staring at them. Neither one of you spoke before the results came in. Negative. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“I would have been there for you. No matter what. But I’m glad that it’s negative. We should plan this stuff, you know? My job... it’s too dangerous,” Jason said carefully.

“I know. We can’t,” you said with a dry smile.

“I’d quit. If you were. So that you and the baby would be safe,” he said and you quickly looked at him.

“You shouldn’t have to,” you said.

“But I would.”

Tim

Tim’s hands were tight on your hips as he thrust in your from behind and you couldn’t stop making little noises. God, were you always this tight? He could barely control himself and the second you clamped around him in pleasure, Tim came as well. Both of you panted as he roughly and slowly thrust through your highs. Tim pushed in deeply before stopping to catch his breath and then pulling out.

“Fuck,” he said in a terrified voice. You turned to look at him confused. “The condom came off.”

Your eyes widened at the implication. “Did you- did you finish inside?” You asked as cold panic flooded your body. You were only using condoms at this point in time.

“Yeah. Definitely,” he said, looking down and in literally any other situation he would have loved the sight before him. His cum leaked out of you and Tim winced.

After a few minutes of trying to finally get the useless condom out, you were almost in full freak out. You were only 20. You couldn’t get pregnant!

“I’ll get plan B. Unless you don’t want it,” Tim said looking at you.

“Good idea. We definitely need that,” you said nodding. “But you can’t go to the store and buy plan B. Timothy Drake-Wayne buys plan B. Playboy like his father Bruce Wayne? I could just see the headline. I’ll go.”

“Smart,” he said. You quickly took a shower and threw on clothes before running down to a pharmacy. Your heart pounded as you asked the pharmacist for a plan B but she simply gave you a box that you paid for. You took the pill before even leaving the store and threw away the evidence as if someone cared what you did.

That night you had some nausea and cramping but were fine otherwise. Tim was extra nice in the next few weeks as you both waited to see if your period would ever come. He put in effort to see you more often and stay off his phone when you were together. Finally you woke up one morning with cramps where actually pleasantly happy to see that you had finally started to bleed. That didn’t happen often.

You told Tim who sagged in relief. He didn’t even know how much tension he held in his body before releasing it. He kissed your cheek and you laughed a little.

“Never buying that brand of condoms again,” he swore.

“I’m making an appointment to get birth control,” you said and he quickly turned to you.

“Really? No more condoms?” Tim said hopefully.

“It’ll take a little while to start working but yeah,” you said with a little smile. “Then I can be your Twinkie instead of your toaster strudel,” you laughed.

“Wow. I wish I could time travel to unhear that,” Tim said covering his face with a hand while laughing.

“You know that’s a good joke,” you laughed pushing his shoulder.

“...yeah,” he said with a grin.

[allandoflimbo]

Ashens (Part 22)

Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 3,600

Rating: M for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy and angry sex, heavy on the angst, and very strong language.

Full Masterpage |

He’s been gone all morning. You don’t know where he went and you didn’t ask before he left. Whatever it was, you weren’t too concerned, anyway. It was about time you two had some space. It helped clear your mind and helped you move on. You were moving on.

There was another reason you were thankful he had left for the morning. You could feel the chills run up the sides of your arms, goosebumps appearing where your skin was once smooth.

You eyed the closet doors curiously. It was almost eerie how quiet it was around you. You dropped your eyes for only a moment before raising them up again.

You had to do this. You were going to do this.

You finally gather the balls to do something you’ve been wanting to for some time now. It had been eating away at you like mad.

Once in front of the closet, you crouch down. You raise your left hand slowly roll the doors open, your eyes immediately dart down to the little black box on the ground. Exactly where he’d left it.

Part of you was happy that it remained untouched.

Per Steve’s orders, you had both buried any of your weaponry about a mile before reaching the wall nearly three months ago. You weren’t supposed to be bring any inside with you. It was forbidden.

It had shocked you when you and Bucky had been arguing about going after Ashen and he had pulled out a G19, angrily strapping it onto his leg to prove a point. He obviously snuck it in. At the time, you hadn’t really given it much thought. You were more shocked that he ignored his best friend’s request.

Now, it concerned you for different reasons.

You sat criss cross in front of the box, staring at it for a few more long seconds. Taking in a deep breath, you opened it. It opened with a small click.

There it was.

Matte black. Subtle but deadly.

You eyed the gun like it was a ticking bomb. You’ve never held a fire arm before, but that wasn’t necessarily why you were nervous. You were nervous to know why the hell he had it stacked away in your bedroom when you knew he didn’t even have the intention of killing anyone on this mission. He made sure to make you aware of this, many times.

You also knew it wasn’t to be used on you. There was no way.

The only other plausible reason he had it, kept you on edge.

You didn’t want your thoughts going there.

You reached slowly for the gun until you felt it lay heavy in your right hand. It was heavier than it looked. It felt deadlier than it looked.

You swallowed thickly, allowing yourself to think the worst.

Was he going to use this on himself?

You suddenly wanted it as far away from you as possible.

Your hand trembled slightly as you put it back in its place, letting your fingers linger on the ridges for just a moment.

You let out a long breath realizing.

When you had eyed the closet, you didn’t really think it through.

What were you going to do once you had it in your hands? Were you going to get the gun and hide it? Were you just curious? Was there something about it that secretly terrified you and you weren’t going to believe you really saw him hold it until you held it yourself?

You shake your head, pushing the box back into its original place. You were over exaggerating.

He probably just brought it in case you both needed it for self protection.

You looked over at your black back pack right next to it and pulled it out.

You fished inside, looking at different things you forgot you still had. You had your grey sweater, scarf, and beat up boots at the bottom. It smelled dusty.

You stuck your hand into the front pocket of the backpack, pulling out a note. It wasn’t your first time reading it, but you need the gentle reminder.

Thank you again for doing this. Thank you for helping me out and for agreeing to our plan to help Bucky be happy again. We can do this together. That plan, to me, is the most important thing right now. Thank you for doing whatever it takes to mentally convince him he deserves happiness. What you’re doing means the world to me, y/n. See you both again very soon. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.

Steve

You felt small tears in your eyes at your promise. If only he knew how it wasn’t so easy. You closed your eyes tightly together, took a deep breath, and placed the note onto your chest.

I’ll keep trying.

+ +

You didn’t understand these jobs that came with your ID. You didn’t understand most of what you were being told to do, but you did it anyway.

At the end of the day, your number one plan was to still kill Ashen. So you went through with what Bucky ordered you to do until it was time.

Your first day at the tower started off better than how you thought it would. Mr. Hyde was a old gentleman in his late 50s. He had short white hair and a nicely trimmed white beard to compliment it. He knew you were learning and that this would be your first time working up to a secretary job, so he started you off with small assistant duties like transporting paper work around the building, scheduling, and grabbing anything personal he may need here and there.

The best part was when he gave you a tour of the building, the whole reason you even were excited about it. Maybe this was why this was written into the mission.

He explained to you what each floor was but never took you past floor 15. You eyed the buttons on the elevator suspiciously.

He said that wasn’t their area and that “we didn’t need to worry about it”. You needed a special code to access those floors anyway.

You quickly made a connection. You wondered how Bucky had gotten in the other day.

The atmosphere in the elevator went cold when you stopped somewhere on the seventh floor and a man dressed in black and gold walked in. It was a fitted suit, expensive looking, and he had a cold look in his eyes. You swallowed thickly, looking away from him. You pulled your scarf tighter around your neck, trying to conceal your tattoo as much as you could.

Something about this man was off.

You heard the term Coroner a lot when you worked serving drinks. They weren’t the coroner most people knew, they were cop meets bounty hunter.

There was just something about them that left you uneasy. He stood in front of you and you felt yourself shuffle back a few inches. You looked over at Mr. Hyde and he gave you a small smile.

You smiled back.

+ +

It wasn’t until your fourth day at the building when things finally took a turn.

Bucky was going to meet you at a stairwell for floor eleven. He was going to trace Silas down once and for all. The night after the ball, Bucky was went traced them down to see where they would take the new import. According to what he overheard, there had been some complications and it wouldn’t be administered until today.

You got up from your seat, pretending you were just looking for the restroom, when you turned down the narrow hallway and went for the door that led into the stairwell.

You had three floors to climb up to meet him.

You were on the ninth floor when you turned the corner of the stairs and your heart nearly jumped up into your throat.

His face, his hair, his eyes, and his damn voice.

It all hit you at once and you turned back the direction you came from, leaning back against the steal rods. You put a hand up to your head as you felt dizzy. You could feel your heart beating away like crazy and you felt that anger you harbored down for so long.

It was him. The face from the diner and the face of the man that killed your mom and dad.

Ashen.

And he was with another woman.

“He’s our child and he’s dying!” The woman shouted. You could hear the tears in her voice.

“I know but there’s not much else I can do,” the voice. It was deep and violent. You hated it. You hated him, “He woke up this morning, cured! Without us even giving him the dose of the chemical. It’s obvious his plasma contains some kind of fending off mechanism. It took years, but he obviously survived it and no longer has it.”

You took a deep breath as you processed what you were hearing.

Had the little boy been infected with the virus, but now was doing well?

“And?” The woman insisted.

“And?” An evil laugh came from within Ashen’s chest, “We need all his blood, goddamn it! We need it distributed to our men if we want our side to stay strong once we go out there!”

“You can’t possibly still think—“

“It’s our world —“

“But we are safe here. Our son is safe here!”

“You didn’t think we’d all stay stuck in here for all eternity, did you? Hydra and Sword is to control the world, not the city. These walls kept us safe long enough and our son is well now, and we might have the cure in our hands. It’s all we need to conquer.”

You could hear sniffling.

“You can’t kill our son.” The woman begged.

“No,” he said slowly, “Not yet at least. We need trial periods.”

“Ashen, please-“

“I sacrificed everything for him!” A shriek followed by a gruntled groan came from the woman and you wondered what he was doing to her, “I cut the plan short, of us taking the capitol, because of him! I was minding my own business that night before I got the call. I took the risks, I found the refuge, I found the goods, and I called an initiative, and now look at us, we’re all safe. And our son just also happens to be the possible cure for all of this. If Hydra completing this mission requires my son’s life, so be it.”

“I won’t let you hurt him! I won’t let you pick at him with needles and knives. He is my baby boy!”

“Was, honey, was.” You could hear a loud smack, “And after him, you’re next.”

“What?”

“Now let’s get back in there and congratulate him.”

You could still feel your heart beating away inside of your ears as you heard the shuffling of their feet, followed by the closing of a door.

This was way too much information for you to process. This was too much for you. Suddenly, you cursed Bucky for making you work intel. Intel was the worst part.

You knew this information and now you had to tell him without freaking out, or worst, freaking him out.

It didn’t take much longer for a familiar face to turn the corner of the stairwell.

His blue eyes met yours over his scarf.

“What the hell are you doing here, I said eleventh —-“ his voice faltered as he watched your stricken face. His own eyes fell and he raised a hand to the back of your head and caressed it softly, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. What’s going on?”

“I—“ you whimpered out. Bucky hushed you as he leaned his forehead against yours. He closed his eyes tightly together, “I—he—“

“Breathe. Breathe. Breath for me.”

You took in a deep breath and controlled your breathing.

When you opened your eyes he was staring straight down at you.

“I saw him.” Bucky’s eyes darted over your face, knowing exactly what you were talking about. Who you were talking about, “I saw him.” You repeat again. He nods, “I can’t stay here, Bucky. Not when he’s here. He killed mom and dad, Bucky.” You whimpered into a cry.

“Hey, shhhh,” he brought his hand to your jaw and ran his thumb there gently, “shhh. I’m sorry,” he straightens his head up over yours and places a kiss on the top of your head, “I’m sorry you saw him.”

You ran your hands up his chest and softly pushed him away from you. Bucky’s face fell, along with his hands at his sides. You looked away from him, running the back of your sweater-clothed hand underneath your nose.

You needed to create distance. You and him, whatever it was, was no more.

“I overheard them.”

“Them?”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair.

“Yes, them. Him and what I can only imagine is maybe his wife? I don’t know, it was another woman. The little boy’s mother.”

Bucky took a deep breath.

“Okay, and what did they say?”

“He’s going to kill him. He can potentially save us, save all of us, but instead he’s going to kill him, I—I—“ you were freaking out as your ran both hands down your face.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“The boy!” You shouted quietly, pointing to the direction where the stairs continued. “Ashen is after the boy. He’s going to kill the mom and he’s after the boy, too.”

“What? Why? Why is he after his own son?”

You took a deep breath and met Bucky’s gaze again. His jaw was tight and he looked apprehensive.

“They think the cure is in his plasma.” You say slowly and carefully, knowing how much weight the words held.

“The cure?”

“For the virus. The boy’s blood.”

Bucky let out a long breath, running a hand through his own hair now and pulling on it.

“And why does he want the child dead? Does he not want the cure?”

“No, no he does.”

“What? He wants it just for himself?” You whined as you looked away again, “Y/N, you came on this mission for this reason. It’s for you to give me the important information you have right at this moment. Tell me, why does he want the boy dead?”

“He says he wants to make enough just for Hydra and Sword,” Bucky’s face went pale, “I’m assuming it’s because he doesn’t want anyone else after that having access to it. He kills the boy, no more cure for anyone else.”

“That,” his tongue clicks, “That’s absurd. Hydra wants to recruit more bad, not kill off the remaining race. It defeats the purpose of world domination.”

“I think they have a change of plans. They said they want to control the rest of the world.”

“With a raging virus? How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know. That was all he said before I heard him choking his wife. I don’t know what they plan to do after they go out there, protected. I don’t know.”

“And in that vile? What was in the vile?”

“I don’t know, a trial drug. But nothing as good as the boy’s blood.”

Bucky lets out a long breath as he walks back and forth, clearly stressed and overwhelmed. You watched him, intrigued. You’ve never seen him worry like this before.

“Shit, shit, shit.” he mumbles under his breath, “What do we do? What do we do.”

You stare down at his feet as they continue to move across the floor.

“I think it’s obvious what we need to do.”

“What?”

“We need to take him.” You say seriously, looking Bucky dead in the eye.

“We need to take him.” He says back.

“We can’t let Hydra have access to the cure and let the rest of the world burn and we can’t get him get killed.” You place a hand on Bucky’s arm to stop him and he looks up at you. You could practically see the emotions in his eyes, “He’s just a little boy.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t just go in there and take the kid. I can’t just kidnap someone’s child.”

“Why not?” You ask simply.

Bucky lets out a scoff.

“What?”

“Bucky look at the stakes here. He wants him killed, he’ll build an army to dictate the rest of the world. Bucky we have no other option. This is the end of the world. There is no time for common courtesy.”

“Okay. Okay, just relax. We need to plan this through, okay? So far us two and his parents are the only ones who know about him right?”

“I mean his doctor probably knows too and also the scientist he’s working with. The man who probably sent in those viles.”

“Those viles can be good too, right? We need to take those, too. At least a few. There has to be a reason they brought them in. Maybe they aren’t timely useless. Trial drug or not.”

“So we take the boy, now—”

“We can’t, y/n.” Bucky says strictly. You don’t expect his hand to cup your cheek again. It takes your breath away. Why was he behaving this way? “He said he’ll wait anyway. They probably need to run tests first. We still have two and a half months left in here. If we take him now, they’ll notice he’s gone, and Hydra’s already suspecting there’s intruders inside the wall. It’s too risky. We need to wait,” he runs his hand over your chin and tilts his head slowly to the side. A pained look is in his eyes, “I know you want to, and I want to, too, but we need to do this carefully.”

“So what do you suggest?” Your voice comes out rough.

“I don’t know, maybe we can keep an eye on him or something.” He says. “His father works here, maybe you’ll see him around. Warm up to him. Make sure he’s safe.”

“Ashen knows what I look like.”

Bucky nods.

“I know that. Maybe there’s something we can do. Maybe I can find where he stays in the building. I’ll figure something out. And you’ll be safe, I promise. He won’t see you.”

You believe Bucky’s words and you nod.

“Okay.”

“What do you think? Should we risk him seeing me?” He says with a small smile on his face.

You look at him incredulously.

“Are you dumb?”

“What?” He asks like it’s nothing.

“You’re Captain America’s best fiend. If you really think he wouldn’t recognize you right away and run and tell his dad, you’re insane.”

___

It had been a successful day. It was exhausting and you and Bucky were both clearly burnt out, emotionally and mentally. A lot happened for both of you. You both took a shower, individually of course, you had dinner and you finally got him to watch the first half of Titanic. It was a long night.

But it wasn’t the end of the day yet.

You sat on the bed crisscross and in your PJs, looking out into the city, deep in thought.

Bucky moves over to you and across the bed and you close your eyes tightly together, feeling the bed dip down. You can feel him as he puts his hand on your shoulder.

“We’ll save him, okay? Imagine how much Steve will love us when you come back not only with a life saved, but with the cure.” His words are gentle and sweet, but hold so much weight over you.

You couldn’t do this. You made that promise a few days ago.

“Look, Bucky I don’t think we should do this anymore. Our agreement.” You say quietly, your voice breaking off at the end.

He went still and you felt a cold rush where he began to remove his hand from your skin.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that—“

“Bucky—“

“I didn’t know you weren’t in the mood. I’m sorry.”

“No,” you say quietly and so heartbreakingly slow that you know he can feel it too. Why did it feel this way? “It’s not that.” You slowly turn around to face him. He’s got both arms stretched down on the bed below him, palms down, and he’s staring at you like he was afraid you would hurt him again like you did the other night. You looked away from him and pushed yourself away to give you both more room to breathe

“Sweetheart—“

“I’ve decided to go out with Pietro again,” You watch as his eyes drop from your own to the spot just next to your arm. He swallows hard and there’s a flicker of something in his eyes that isn’t necessarily jealously, “We want to see where it goes. I know we’ll only be here a little while longer, but who knows the future, right? What if I see him again?”

Bucky swallows again and clears his throat.

“It wouldn’t feel right doing that to him.”

“Oh.”

“So, uh,” he straightens himself out until he’s standing, and he pulls his shirt down in a sort of fidgety way you almost find adorable if it weren’t for the heartbroken look in his eyes, “you’re gonna date?”

You tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, feeling a tightness in your chest that you couldn’t bare.

Why did it feel like this?

“Yeah. I deserve someone that will take care of me like that, don’t you think?”

Bucky’s eyes are unreadable at that point. This was what he wanted, right? For you to move on and meet someone better for you?

“You’ll find a guy your age, you don’t want an old thing like me, anyway.”

“You do.” It hurt him to say it. It fucking destroyed him in the goddamn core.

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