#why did i have to go through puberty lmao

[clotpolesonly]

mister impossible chapter 10 i am kissing you with tongue

[zeawesomebirdie]

Oh no oh no oh no, I'm supposed to be fixating on sewing right now, why am I fixating on ballet-

[reiderwriter]

♡ Girls Just Wanna Have Fun ♡

Week 5 of my Playlist Series ♡

Summary: Spencer isn't used to clubs, but when duty calls, he's made to feel a little bit more welcome by a girl who seems to know him better than a stranger should.

Warnings: Smut 18+ Minors DNI!! Hotchner!Reader (Reader is Hotch's sister), semi-public sex (x2 oops), oral sex (m receiving), fingering, dry humping, hand job, cum play, dirty talk, degradation and name calling (slut only), use of daddy/sir even though this is like solidly season 1 Spencer lmao, corruption kink, loss of virginity (surprisingly the readers)

A/N: Every single intrusive thought I've ever had about s1 Reid tied up in a nice little bow masquerading as a song fic. It is finished, and now I feel flushed. Please expect only fluff from me until my next intrusive thought (maybe half an hour, probably no longer).

Masterlist || Spotify Playlist

Flashing lights and the scent of dried up alcohol stains weren't usually signs of Spencer Reid's presence. He'd managed to get through college - two degrees and three PhDs - without stepping foot into a nightclub. But now that he'd joined the BAU, it seemed to be an unavoidable occurrence. 

“The unsub hunts at this nightclub, I get that, I do. But why am I the one going in? He's targeting women,” he panicked as his older team member helped adjust his clothes to conceal the weapon he carried. 

“Because, pretty boy, it's student night, and you're the only one here who can pass for a 21 year old. I guess late puberty has some benefits.” Derek smacked his arm playfully, leaving the younger man wincing slightly. 

“But I'm not a woman.” 

“Yes, but you'll be able to walk around and note any suspicious behaviour, and then we can tail suspects you flag,” Hotch explained to him again. 

“Just act natural, kid, it's not like it's your first time in a club.” 

“It is.” His warnings fell on deaf ears though, as they pushed him out of the van and into the crowd of students queueing to enter. 

It didn't take you long to notice him after you arrived at the club.

The sweater vest was enough to make him stand apart slightly, as much as he was trying his best to blend in. A slight tingle of familiarity raced up your spine as his eyes awkwardly met yours, his scan of the room stopping short as he flushed and turned his eyes down. 

Pushing slightly to the crowd, you leaned over the counter next to him and tried to get the bartenders attention. It was loud and busy, but catching attention and keeping it was a skill you'd mastered early, a skill that you were thankful for as you realised the man's eyes were guiltily flicking between your ass and the crowd once again. 

“Are you going to stare, or are you going to introduce yourself,” you giggled, sliding closer to his perch at the bar, as he panicked, standing straighter. 

“I wasn't, um… your dress, there's a rip at the edge of your skirt, I was trying to figure out if it was part of the design because I know some clothes these days have damage built into the design, or if it was in need of some emergency… sewing.” His hands gesticulating awkwardly throughout his explanation, as if anxious to show you the jumble in his brain was entirely pure and innocent, even as the flush on his face said otherwise. 

“And your name is?” 

“I-.... Spencer. My name is Spencer.” 

You stood a little straighter hearing the name, that familiarity warming you more. Spencer. Spencer. Spencer. You turned the name over in your head but took another step closer as the crowd shifted in a wave, feeling the heat coming off his body. 

“Well, Spencer,” your tongue made the decision to act for your brain, the words coming out before you could stop them. “What conclusion did you draw? Do you think the rip was intentional or not?” 

Gently, you grabbed his hand and led it to the fabric. The skirt wasn't scandalously short, but short enough to suit the dark heated atmosphere of the club at least, but as his fingers grazed the back of your thighs, still hesitant in his actions, you found yourself wishing it were just that bit higher, so his hands would have to reach further up. 

With a gaze over your shoulder at the crowd, Spencer found himself at an impass. He'd already noted a few people of interest, loiterers, men getting a bit rough and aggressive in the club, people on the outskirts (like him, he supposed) that could possibly be their unsub. 

He'd been given the all clear to disengage and leave the club as effortlessly as he could  bit something in your initial gaze had pinned him to place at the bar, and refused still to let him see reason. 

“I think it's a design feature. To draw attention to…” he swallowed hard, but you weren't sure if he was just being delicate about his words or if he was reacting to the hand that was now on him, dragging nails up from his abdomen to his chest. 

“Good observation, Spencer.” 

“Your name. You didn't tell me what your name was.” He said, grabbing your hand to stop its progress and breathing deeply as if to clear his head. 

“Y/N. We should dance.” Without giving him time to react, you abandoned your drink on the counter and pulled his arm around your waist, dragging him out to the crush of people in the middle of the dance floor. 

His protests were lost in the pulse of the music, as you kept your back to him and began grinding and swaying against him. His hands tightened on your hips as he gently started moving with you, and you threw your head back to catch his eye again. 

Spencer didn't know what he'd gotten himself into. He knew that very little actually dancing actually went on at a club, that this was just a more polite socially acceptable form of foreplay, but he didn't know that it would have such an effect on him. 

A mess of sweaty, intoxicated people spilling drinks and other fluids, and he thought he'd stay there forever if it kept your hips torturing his cock like that. 

When you glanced up at him, he was a man lost to his senses, lust clouding his eyes, mouth slightly open in a pant, you reached up to his neck and pulled his lips down to meet yours. 

You were surprised when it was his to guess to reach out first, his hand that trailed under your shirt without tours guiding it. You'd picked up a fairly innocent man at the bar and turned him into a pervert in the space of one dance. It felt like the club was watching you, how his hands grazed the skin under your breasts and caused the shiver up your spine, how your back arched to press deeper against his election. 

You may have tempted him into taking this risk, but he was the one gleefully nosediving into his fall from grace. 

“Spencer,” you whispered as he came up for air, lips resting at your ear. “I think we should get some fresh air.” 

Something in that seemed logical. It was colder outside. Maybe it would cool off whatever had lit him up like a pyre on the dance floor. Maybe the fresh air would clear his head. Or maybe just the open space would help him detangle his hands from you, would lead his thoughts away from burying himself deep in you. 

He would gladly take you outside, bid you farewell, and return to his job and his life. It was a solid exit for his first cover - who was going to question the young lovers leaving together. 

You had a feeling that the idea of outside would have Spencer pulling away from you, but you hadn't had your fill of fun just yet. 

So just as you led him onto the dancefloor, you kept a hand over his, around your waist, and you guided him out of the club, down the street a few paces, and into a darkened alleyway. 

“Y/N, we shouldn't be-” he tried to stutter out as you pulled him in for another kiss. His brain was trying to protest, but his hands were already back on your ass, pulling you up and closer to him. 

“What was that?” You said between kisses, his mouth launching an assault against each inch of your skin. 

He gasped for breath and pulled back, realising that he'd lifted and pinned you to the cold brick wall of the alley in his haste to feel you pressed against him. 

“Y/N… I don't want to take advantage of you, I'm not-” 

“I'm taking advantage of you, Spencer,” you said, nipping at his neck slowly raking your hands into his shoulders. “Am I allowed to do that? Can I take all of you, Spencer?” 

His eyes rolled back in his head as he let put a groan of pleasure, your lips sucking at the tender flesh of his nape. 

“I-I'm not a student, and-” 

“I know, but you are such a pretty boy that I decided I wanted to have some fun with you.” 

His resolve broke in half as you uttered your compliments, and his lips met yours in a moan as his hands pushed your skirt up around your waist. 

His finger trailed between your hips and his, using the wall to balance you as he pushed aside your panties and began slowly stroking your sex. 

Your hips pitched forward to press more of his slender fingers against you,  desperate to feel him stretch your cunt open first with one, then two, then however many he decided was good enough for you. 

Leaving one hand on his shoulder, you let one trail down his pants, stepping one foot down to allow you access to his zipper. 

He pauses Again for a second as you manage to get his pants open, your hand pulling his cock free from the constraint of his clothing. Spitting on your hand, you wrap around it firmly and slowly pump up and down, looking him directly in the eye as you watch the pleasure pour over him. 

His forehead rests against yours as he melts into your touch, so desperate, needing to cum so badly that he's willing to let it happen in this dark dirty alley. 

“Spencer, I want to have a lot of fun with you. Will you let me?” 

“Yes, fuck Y/N.” He nods, his hips rocking into your hand with each slow stroke you give him. 

“Spencer,” you say, rocking your hips forward and pushing your panties further to the side once again. “Spencer, please fuck me. Take my virginity, Spencer, please.” 

His mind whirled at the sentence, the pleas dropping from your lips. Virginity. You were a virgin. 

You'd had him cock stiff after three minutes of conversation  had pulled him into an alleyway and lost him in a fog of pleasure, and you were still innocent. Untouched. 

You wanted to have your fun with him. You'd chosen him. 

He couldn't articulate the lust that coated his tongue, so he simply pushed it into your mouth  grabbed his cock from your hands, lined himself up with your drippy cunt and pushed in with a single thrust. 

You gasped and let out a moan, not quite fully pleasurable. Your hands again found his shouldend, his back, but your nails were sharper this time, digging in further, almost piercing skin. 

“Fuck, Spencer, yes,” you said, breathing shakily as you slowly started moving around his cock. 

“Did it hurt?” 

“It doesn't hurt anymore. Now, please Spencer, fuck me and don't hold back. It's more fun that way.” 

He pulled your hips closer, moaning as you tightened around him. Pressing one hand against the wall and keeping another hand gripped so hard around your hip you knew it'd bruise, he began moving. 

He began slow, trying not to lose himself in the feel of your unused, tight hole. But with each small moan, each scratch against his back, he lost a little bit more of that control he was begging for. 

With his hands engaged, his brows furrowed I'm frustration that he couldn't stroke your bundle of nerves, he couldn't force you to cum on his cock as quickly as he wanted to. 

“Y/N, look at me.” You opened your eyes at the words, unaware that they'd closed tight as you emptied all other senses to just feel him. 

“Touch yourself. Right there, that's it,” he watched your fingers rub delicately against your skin, spoke little words of encouragement, and told you to increase your speed and pleasure. 

“That's it. That's it, now it's time for you to cum, Y/N. Cum on my cock, rub your little clit for me and cum around my big cock, Y/N.” 

“Shit… shit, shit, shit, Spencer, oh my god.” Your hands shook, and your hips twitched, and with a cry, you reached that high you'd been craving since you met his eyes earlier. 

He pulled out of you, slowly pulling you off the wall, as he held you up, letting your legs regain their strength. His cock was still hard, still coated in your arousal as he took care of you. 

You caught your breath fast, regained tour strength quicker as you noticed he didn't plan on getting himself off anymore. He let you have your fun with him and was happy to end it all there. 

You weren't. 

“Spencer,” you sang again, wrapping a hand once again around his erection as he tried to straighten out your now slightly more ripped skirt. “Spencer, it's more fun of we both cum. I want you to make a mess of my hand, can you do that for me?” 

You stroked his cock with a firmer grip than before, your arousal lubricating each stroke, his pre-cum mingling with it to aid you further. You suddenly wondered what he would taste like, but knew your legs would be too weak to do everything your heart desired today. 

There was always tomorrow. 

He leaned his weight back on the wall behind you, forcing you back as well as you pumped him quickly so desperate to hear him moan your name as he spilt his seed. 

“Y/N,” he moaned, and you were triumphant. His hips jerked once, then twice, then a third time, and he stilled, heaving breaths as he buried his head in your shoulder. 

He swallowed and regained his breath, and as he pulled away, you pulled your fingers to your lips and lapped up the final drops of cum that he left there. 

Most of it had his the wall, dripped to the floor, but you enjoyed these few drops and smiled brightly at him, pulling a handkerchief that you knew would be in his pocket out and cleaning the two of you up. 

He flushed again as he came back to his senses, especially as you attempted to put his clothed to rights, stepping back to replace his softening cock in his pants.

“Well,” you said after setting yourself to rights, “Thank you for the fun night, Spencer. See you tomorrow.” 

You skipped off quickly before he had a second to even process your words. 

The next day at the local precinct was a blur for Spencer as he tried to drag himself from the drug induced haze of meeting you. He'd stroked himself to completion two more times in bed after he returned to his motel room, reliving the sound of you begging him to take you, the words ‘pretty boy’ on your lips as you spread your legs. 

It'd taken his entire brain, or what was left of it, to not jump out of his skin every time Morgan had teased him with the words that morning.

“Now how did you like your first club experience, pretty boy? Did any college cuties throw themselves at you?” 

He spat up his coffee, choosing that moment to choke, and begging god for this to just be the end of Spencer Reid entirely. 

Because there was no way Morgan would actually believe that that was exactly what had happened. 

“Morgan, Gideon wants you in the interrogation room, and- wow, Spencer, you should change your shirt. What are you, 5? You can't drink coffee properly?” Elle said, chuckling slightly.

“I choked,” he frowned, but it fell on deaf ears as his teammates walked away quickly to get back to their jobs. 

He wished he could recover so quickly, even now the image of you having your fun with him the night before playing like a movie in his head. 

Looking down, he realised Elle was right, and he really did need to change his shirt. Hotch always had a few spare on hand, even for cases out of the office. He grabbed some tissues, dabbing against the mess of coffee on his shirt, suddenly thankful for lukewarm police precinct coffee, and started making his way towards Hotch. 

“Hey, Hotch-” he made it three steps before your voice cried out. 

“Ronnie!!” You shouted, throwing your hands around your elder brother as he caught you in a hug. 

“Y/N, we're at a police station. If you're going to come see me, you have to at least call me Aaron.” 

“And not take the chance to embarrass you in front of your peers and coworkers? Not a chance, Ronnie. Not a chance.” He chuckled fondly, brushing away his complaints quickly as he turned to introduce you to JJ first, then Elle and then the frozen statue that had replaced Spencer. 

“And, Y/N, this is Dr. Spencer Reid. Spencer, this is my sister, Y/N. She's a student at the university.” 

You held out your hand with a triumphant grin as Spencer stared in wide-eyed horror at the apparition in front of him. 

“Hello, Spencer. It's very nice to finally meet you. My brother has told me a lot about you, and I'm very excited to pick your brains.” 

The air seemed to explode around Spencer as each breath became deliriously hot, filling his lungs with fire. It was moments before he realised that he wasn't actually breathing at all, and the air was actually quite normal. 

Your hand remained out, ready to greet him, and to the surprise of his coworkers, he took it in his for a short shake. 

“Y/N. Hotch's sister, Y/N. Nice to meet you, Y/N Hotchner, Hotch's sister.” 

He could practically hear the audible sound of Elle and JJ smacking a hand against their faces in horror at his stupidly obvious reaction to the woman in front of him. If he wasn't careful, he'd be spouting confessions of desire soon, and knowing that Aaron Hotchner carried two guns on his person even now did nothing to calm his thoughts. 

“Okay, well, Y/N, I'm busy with some interrogations now, but I can drive you back to your apartment in half an hour if you're okay to wait with JJ?” 

“Are you busy, Spencer?” You asked instead, keeping her eyes locked on the man who still weakly shook her hand, unaware of when the right time to stop would be. 

“I was serious when I said I wanted to pick your brain, my brother said you had a PhD in Engineering and I'm struggling through a class right now that I need some guidance in if you can spare five minutes?” 

Spencer stared between Hotch and you, looking for the right answer to please present itself before he imploded right there. 

“Yes. PhD, I have a PhD. Three actually, but whose counting? Me. I just counted them. One of them is in mathematics, actually, so I guess I'm always counting.” He finally dropped your hand, and you gave him a wider smile that dropped his heart to his stomach. “I am free, unless you needed me for something else, Hotch?” 

His gaze was pleading, though he wasn't sure if he was begging for his life, five more minutes alone with you or the power to extricate himself from this situation entirely, but Hotch nodded his acceptance quickly and let you lead Spencer off to the small, empty visitors room at the opposite side of the precinct. 

You shut the door behind you when you walked in, leaning over to close the blinds as well before you turned back to Spencer. 

“Your shirt is wet. You should probably take it off,” you giggled as you trailed a hand up his arm once again. 

His hand grabbed yours before you could do any more damage to his tender nerves than you'd already managed that morning. 

“You knew the entire time? Who I was?” 

“I walked over because you seemed familiar, but I only figured it out when you said your name. My brother does talk about you a lot.”

“Hotch is going to kill me,” he said, slumping down into the chair behind him. “Y/N, your brother was outside the club. He could've seen us leave.” 

You climbed into his lap, and his eyes finally met yours again, his tongue stopping its hopeless tirade as you relaxed into his chest. 

“I have two older brothers, Spencer. Do you know how often they've been able to tell me what to do?” Your hands started down his shirt, making quick work of the buttons as he stared up, enthralled. 

“Not once have they been able to stop me from doing something I wanted.” 

He scoffed quickly, unable to help himself. Your hands gripped either side of his face and lifted his head to meet your gaze again. 

“And right now, Spencer, I really want you.” A roll of your hips was enough to have him hissing and grabbing your hips. You started steadily rocking into him, eyes still locked with his. 

“Y/N, please let's be sensible.” 

“I don't want to be sensible, I want to have fun. I want to suck your dick right here, and let you cum in my mouth. I want to scream your name and let everyone know who is giving me pleasure. Can't I do that, Spencer?” 

“No,” he groaned, his eyes screwed shut as you dry humped him, trying to get yourself off on his lap, his.cock rising with each of your quiet moans. 

“Spencer, please. I want your big, hard cock back inside me. Please, please, please. I'll be a good girl, I promise.” 

His eyes shot open in incredulity as he watched you use his body as you saw fit. 

“Good girls don't lose their virginities in alleyways, Y/N. Good girls don't throw themselves at their brothers' coworkers. Good girls listen when they're told no, and don't try to suck cock in public, like little sluts.” He spat each word at you, bit you enjoyed each insult he hurled your way, enjoyed the way his body recoiled as he finally called you a slut. 

He seemed slightly shocked by his anger himself, but you didn't seem to care. It took you only seconds after to push your lips against his again and have your hands on his cock once again, pulling him out of his pants as his hands explored you just as eagerly. 

“Yeah, Spencer, your little slut. I'm such a little slut for you, please fuck me.” 

He buried a hand in your hair, tipping your head back so his tongue could probe deeper, his other hand already under your shirt and teasing one nipple. You lifted your hips and sunk down onto his cock, neither of you stopping to think again about your actions as you began to rode him. 

“30 minutes, Y/N, by now we have 24 minutes and 17 seconds. Can you manage that, Y/N?” 

“Yes, sir.” You said, feeling his dick twitch as you rode him. “Oh did you like that? You liked me calling you, sir?” His hips pressed up again, his body answering more honestly than his tongue. 

“What else can I call you? Spencer… sir….daddy?” 

He broke away from his place buried in your neck to push the two of you down to the floor, the new angle had you gasping as a hand covered your mouth stifling any screams you could make before you made them. 

“Be quiet and cum on my cock, Y/N,” he whispered and picked up his pace, one hand gagging you while the other pulled painfully at your nipple, pinching it between two hands and using it to lift your entire chest so your body was arched toward him, letting him go deeper. 

“Yes, Daddy,” you whispered again, against his fingers, tempted to wrap your lips around one and suck it into your mouth. 

“Fuck, just call me Spencer, Y/N.” 

But you couldn't respond, suddenly overcome with the numbness of you orgasm washing over you as you bit back a choked cry. 

“That's it, good job, Y/N. You listen so well, good job.” He rubbed soothing circles into your chest as his hips slowed, working you through your orgasm as he withdrew once again. 

This time though, he didn't try to pull away and leave himself hard, but sat himself up, and lifted you once again too, putting slight pressure at the back of your head until you were on your knees and letting your head fall down, down, down as your lips wrapped around his wet cock. 

You took him in your mouth, and tasted the bitter, salty flavor of your illicit activities, lapping every last bit of your joint pleasure up as he pushed your hair up and down his cock. 

It didn't take long for his hips to press up into your mouth slightly harder than before, his hands holding you steady as he came down your throat. He held your head there for a minute two, as you tried your best to breathe and stay there, taking as much of his cum down your throat as you could. He pulled your head off him and you swallowed the rest, smiling brightly at him as you did so. 

“Thank you for the fun, Spencer,” You said again, grabbing your phone and checking the time. 

Standing up, you pulled your clothes back in place, pulling your skirt down and your panties up, smoothing out the tangles in your hair. 

“Let me go get you that spare shirt, Doctor Reid,” you said, opening the door. “I'm very grateful for your help with my class load, sir.” 

His head fell back into his hands as you closed the door, leaving him to wonder just what the hell he'd got himself in for. 

[joltai-showa]

still thinking about Obito's tendencies to hang upside down so why not talk about something even more funny

now Obito is obviously trolling the Konoha squad in that moment, acting like a complete idiot and weirdo and all, usual stuff for Tobi. Obito is being a weird little bat on purpose, it's all an act

you know who among Akatsuki, a very scary and a totally serious organization, also acted like a weird little bat, but without it all being an act?

allow me to introduce you to the final page of chapter 238

Kishimoto, why is Deidara's first appearance is him being upside down during Akatsuki's zoom meeting?

(which is supposedly the first one in 7 years since Orochimaru ditched them, but whatever, no fucking way these guys can remain semi-organized without a good old online meetup, I do not care for canon's opinion when it conflicts with my funny headcanons)

But seriously, it's been almost 10 years since I read the manga for the first time and there's still no explanation as to why Deidara did that LMAO. Logic dictates that it's simply Kishimoto not finishing up the designs for his new villains (rinnegan's design wasn't finalized until, like, Akatsuki Supression arc, I believe? there's someone TOWERING over Kisame who is 195cm already and at the end of the day remains Akatsuki's tallest member, etc etc), but I've got a PhD in overthinking Naruto details and turning them into shitposts that sometimes also turn into fanfiction, so I will take this one tiny detail and make myself laugh until I cry.

To me this moment is just so precious because it's actually a scene from OG Naruto, meaning that it's pre-timeskip, so Deidara here is only 16. And this just proves to me that Deidara's puberty (there is no exact indicator as to when Deidara was abducted recruited into Akatsuki, but I assume it happened sometime when he was 12, because during his recruitment we see Itachi (and we know that he joined Akatsuki after the massacre, so he was 13 and he's got a 2 year difference with Deidara), Kisame (who, judging by his pre-death flashbacks, joined AFTER Itachi, meaning some time had to have passed since the massacre) and Sasori (who wouldn't have a partner after Itachi joined because Orochimaru just couldn't resist trying to get that Sharingussy, but Akatsuki don't operate on their own in general, so I doubt Sasori would have been left without a partner for a long time, a year max) and during this zoom meeting 16-year-old Deidara speaks like he's very much aligned with Akatsuki's goals and grudges which would be very weird if he joined them against his will just recently, so a year or more would have to pass between Deidara's recruitment and the OG Naruto zoom meeting) was arguably one of the worst things that organization as a whole had to go through because teenage Deidara was JUST BUILT DIFFERENT.

Don't mind the fact that even as an adult he starts tweaking if he doesn't get to explode something every few hours (I would imagine that teenage rage and angst would only exacerbate this issue), but he would also just want to "look cool" and wouldn't listen to anyone in any position of authority AT ALL. Going back to this scene of Akatsuki's zoom call, we can see (and for certain characters assume because once again designs here are kind of wack) that these overly serious members like Pain, Konan, Kakuzu and Sasori are PRESENT and just... don't do anything about Deidara's antics? They just gave up at some point LMAO. And a while ago, I presume.

16-year-old Deidara, proud and puffed up as a lion: You can stay on the ground as boring old men you are, but I'm going to hang upside down today, hm!

Pain, the acting leader of this very serious and lethal organization that for some reason took in a 13-year-old and a 12-year-old because, I dunno, the real leader thought it would be funny, sighing: okay, Deidara...

I also don't believe that it was ever specified how Nagato's zoom jutsu works, but I think Akatsuki's members simply sit in whatever position they want and their projection is different from their actual position which means that. yeah. Deidara does a bat cosplay. because he wants to. baby why are you like that.

but I also like to imagine Deidara actually hanging on the ceiling during the meetup and the gang just going

Pain: Sasori, can't you grab a mop or something and swat him off of there?

Sasori, in the most dead inside voice imaginable: you are not paying me enough to do that. in fact, you would not last a minute in the asylum I'm living in. you can't give me 40 minutes of peace, can you?

honestly props to Onoki for finding a way to both continue using Deidara's skills for his goals (by just fucking paying Akatsuki and calling it a day) and keep the village intact, teenage Deidara just seems like the trial version of what Akatsuki members could expect on their missions. like, if you can't manage the stress of dealing with the (pony)tailed beast, you have no business trying to fight an actual tailed beast.

I'm also thinking that adult Deidara aka Shippuden Deidara would think himself really cringe for doing this shit when he was younger and feels kind of embarrassed in front of the other members (who unfortunately besides Hidan were there to witness his cringe bat phase of growing up in your local terrorist daycare organization), so he's pretty quiet during the zoom meetings when we get properly introduced to him.

That's, of course, until Deidara gets partnered with Tobi.

I can imagine the two of them competing who can last longer hanging upside down and now Pain really can't do anything to stop this bullshit because it's his actual boss and his clueless partner making their own bat nest during their zoom meeting. He just tiredly glances over at Konan who gives him a "I told you Yahiko was right and we shouldn't have joined forces with this guy, but when do you ever listen to me" look.

The gang would be discussing something like Kakuzu and Hidan brutally murdering Asuma (who's Obito's classmate btw and whose mother he already killed a while ago) and trying to steal his corpse to sell for some cash and in the background above them Tobi'll be yelling something like "senpai, watch what I can do" and start turning cartwheels on the ceiling.

tl;dr Obito and Deidara match each other's freak when it comes to doing weird shit for no apparent reason other than to fuck with everyone while on the job. thanks for coming to my TobiTalk

[angel-of-the-moons]

A Most Familiar Color

Charon x Fem!Lone Wanderer

TW/CW: NSFW, Periods/Menstrual Cycle, Period talk, blood, period sex, cramps, blood, violence, mentions of slavery and brainwashing

MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: This is entirely self-indulgent. I am suffering from unusually horrible cramps and boom! This came to me. You guys can't tell me Charon will shy away from this sort of thing. Enjoy this... Word vomit lmao.

(caps divider by @/saradika-graphics. Check out their work, I recommend it!)

You really missed your dad right about now.

With each stabbing pain, you remembered your time in Vault 101. You remember when Amata sat you down as preteens and helped you through your panic when you first found traces of blood in your underwear.

Amata herself had hit puberty a little young, and seeing as how you were best friends (and neither of you had your mothers) you confided in one another with everything either of you could fathom; best friends til the end. So, when the pains started and you bled more, Amata told you that you should probably go get your dad, seeing as how he was the resident doctor, and all.

The very thought had mortified you, embarrassed beyond all get-out at the thought of talking to your dad about something like this.

Amata had shrugged, "I had to talk to him about mine. He even gave me tips on how to lessen the cramping. Trust me, your dad is not going to think you're weird or gross."

You rolled in your sleeping bag, the faint memory of more pleasant times overshadowed by the pain you were feeling stabbing low in your abdomen.

You focused on the rest of your memory. As it played out behind closed eyelids.

"This is perfectly natural, sweetie." James had told you as you laid in the sterile-smelling clinic. His eyes, the same color as yours, smiled gently and with infinite patience as he explained what was exactly happening to you.

"It means you're going to be a woman now. And, when you're ready, you could have a baby, if you wanted to."

Your nose had crinkled, the worst of your cramps having died down thanks to the pain pills he'd given you. "I don't want to have a baby."

"I should hope not!" James had laughed. "Not yet, anyway. I'm not old enough to be a granddad yet."

You rolled your eyes and turned onto your side, pulling the blanket up to your chin as you peered at him while he continued to explain what would happen, what to expect, and how to take care of it.

He'd given you these weird things... pads, "sanitary napkins"... and these other cotton contraptions you didn't very much like--tampons. They looked uncomfortable, and when he explained how to use them, you did not like it. Apparently the Vault, when built, took into consideration the female residents and had mandatory cotton growing and harvesting alongside their usual crops for this very reason.

Since this was all new to you, your father suggested the pads and napkins first, and did a short demonstration on a piece of spare cloth how to apply it and wear it comfortably.

All this however, was drowned out when a horrible cramp bled past the barrier the painkillers had built up for you. James had frowned mid-way through his explanation and demonstration, his heart squeezing at seeing you--his only and beloved child--in so much pain. He reached out and gently squeezed your shoulder, "I'll get you some muscle-relaxers, sweetie. I'll have Jonah tell Mr Birch that your schoolwork will have to be done back in our suite until your cycle ends."

"Can you not say that part?" You moan, feeling shame bubble up in your chest. You weren't sure why, but you felt horrified that so many people might be aware of what was going on with you. "Just say I'm sick."

"Okay, if it makes you more comfortable." James said softly. "But I want you to know, that I've seen several of your other classmates about this very situation, honey. It's not gross, it's not strange; and it most certainly is nothing to feel ashamed of."

Your silence stretched in the room, the sound of the air system and rattling of air vents the only thing that filled the void of speech.

"You know... your mother had rather painful periods, herself." James finally spoke up.

Your eyes widened and you lifted your gaze, intrigued. Oftentimes, the only thing that he would mention about your mother was her favorite Bible verse, and her love for you, spoken in her last few moments of life.

"Yes, yes, she did." He continued, seeing your awe and curiosity. "Sometimes they would get so bad, the pains, that she would snap at anyone. She was also prone to mood swings." James chuckled fondly at a distant memory, one he did not voice aloud.

"So, I just want you to know, that I definitely understand how much this can hurt you, sweetheart. Especially when I would have to help massage her belly to ease the cramping."

"...I wish Mom was here." You mutter softly, barely audible. But James picked up on it, smiling bitterly and fixing you with a gaze of love.

"I do, too, sweetheart... God, I do, too."

Yeah, you definitely missed your dad right about now... You missed his gentle words, you missed when his hands would help ease the hot water bottle into your grasp; you missed his ever-patient and comforting presence.

"You're tossing and turning a lot." A gruff and grating voice rumbled from nearby, stoking the fire he had lit hours ago in the tiny, decrepit house the two of you had taken shelter in.

Charon. The ghoul who said few words, the man who had been a slave to the cruel man in Underworld: Ahzrukhal. Charon had been brainwashed ages ago, forced into servitude and to obey the orders of whomever held his contract.

Which, after a difficult bartering session... was now you. Mere moments after buying said contract, Charon had gunned down his malicious former-"employer" with two taps of his hefty shotgun. The second shot completely unnecessary, as the first pull of the trigger completely obliterated the man's head; brain matter and blood and bits of skull painting the dingy walls a deep red.

During your travels, you had even gone so far as to hand Charon his contract to him, telling him he was free, now. He could go where he wanted, when he wanted. You'd even tried to give him a few caps and tried ordering him to buy his own contract from you. But, he explained that, infuriatingly, it "didn't work like that".

And in the stressful months you'd traveled together, things changed. The dynamic between you two. Eventually... that changed, too. Became something personal--intimate.

Before, you would merely knock back some painkillers here and there to offset the pain, exercise to mask the cramps, and hastily wash any blood from your clothes to conceal what exactly was happening to you every four weeks; that shame your father insisted wasn't necessary, ever present in the back of your mind.

"Sorry." You mumble.

"It does not bother me." Charon mumbled, his hazy eyes slowly gliding from the glow of the fire and towards you as you rolled to your other side so your back was too him. You just couldn't take his intense gaze. Not right now.

"Were you hurt in the fight earlier?"

And yeah, the two of you got into a rather violent melee when you were ambushed by a few raiders hyped up on psycho. You'd taken a bat to your gut, which, you swore, is what made your cramps worse, today; aside from the bruise that was likely there, now.

The wind rattled the boarded up windows, whistling angrily through cracks unseen as the first heavy winter storm swept over the Capital Wasteland.

"Yeah. I'm just--just sore." You mumble, tucking deeper into your bedroll.

That's when Charon said the words you had really hoped he would utter: "Let me see. We still have the ointment from the coots back in Oasis. It'll help with the bruise."

"No--Charon, I'm fine." You blabber out nervously, fingers gripping the thin fabric wrapping around you as you wished you could sink deeper into the ruined cushions of the rather questionable old couch you laid on.

You should have known better. Aside from your budding and confusing relationship, Charon still had his driven mentality to ensure the safety of his employer. You. Even if you didn't like it at the moment.

"No. Let me see." Charon insisted.

The shuffled of dirt and trash on the old wooden floors, coupled with the soft squeak of his old leather jacket and patchwork armor soon followed.

"Charon, I'm--" Your voice is cut short when his large hands are placed on your diminutive body. Or, well. You were average. Charon was... large. He was nearly as tall as someone in a suit of power armor.

You couldn't fight him as he gently manhandled you, unzipping your warm trappings to free you from your cocoon of privacy. His hands stayed at your sides, resting softly on your hips as he looked at you expectantly, his poker face, as usual, was absolutely impossible to decipher.

But you knew. He was waiting for your consent, or for you to start.

You sighed and began unzipping your vault suit. A bit flashy in the wasteland, for sure... but in the winter it served very well to keep you warm. You felt a flush rise in your cheeks as the chilly air in the house covered your bare skin as you shimmied the top half of your suit off, revealing the threadbare tank top you wore beneath.

Charon gently guided you back down, so you were laying flat on your back as his calloused and scarred fingers gently hiked your shirt up to your ribs, to peer at the injury he suspected you had.

You had turned your head, chewing the inside of your cheek as his absurdly hot hands smoothed over your belly. Yeah, you definitely had a bruise.

"It doesn't look that bad. The ointment from Oasis might help with the soreness." He grunted, turning to rifle through his duffel bag. After a few moments, he pulled back a brown jar from the depths of his things. He unscrewed the tin lid and the acrid smell greets your nose; the pungent ointment smelled awful. But you couldn't deny that it worked great in terms of pain relief.

He scooped out a glob of the murky-white slop and gently began to smooth it down, rubbing and pressing in soothing circles to cover the blossoming purple that covered your midsection.

And, honestly... it helped. Not the bruise, but your cramps. The weight and pressure from his heavy hand massaging your abdomen eased the throb your reproductive organs wrought within you. You sighed in relief at the touch, welcoming his easing of the tightness in your belly.

But, almost as soon as the relief began to seep into your weary body, Charon slipped his hand away. Your smaller hand gripped his thick wrist, "Wait."

He tilted his head, a ruined brow quirking up ever so slightly as scraps of rusty red hair flopped over his scarred and pitted scalp.

"I... can you... keep doing that? It helps. A lot." You say vaguely, looking away from him and biting your lip.

Charon eyes you for a few more seconds, before his hand began to press and soothe once more. As you relaxed into the cushions, Charon's cloudy gaze studied you intently, the gears within his mind grinding and turning.

"You're bleeding, aren't you?" He finally said, bringing your bliss to a screeching halt.

You move to sit up, cringing, "No, no that's not it. I'm just sore, and..."

His hand slid a bit lower, pressing down over the spot that hurt the most, right between your bones poking delicately through your skin. He grunted softly, "You should have said something. Especially if it's hurting you this badly."

"I--It's nothing, Charon." You say, trying to shove his hand away; but his strength did not waver. He continued to press his fingertips down into your smooth skin, rubbing short, tight circles as if he could feel every contraction and throb through your skin.

You groan deeply in relief, unable to contain it as the pain begins to slowly bleed away. "We're out of painkillers."

Charon grumbled in acknowledgment, nodding as his eyes focus on the task his hand was undertaking, the give and slight stretch of your skin as he pulled and pushed; fighting the waves of pain that swept up your body, engaging in a sort of combat with your cramps.

"We will stay here for a few days." Charon continues as his hand smooths flat briefly, before massaging the last echoes of your aches away. "The storm will likely hang over us, and it isn't smart to go out in a blizzard, if this turns into one. We have plenty of provisions to last us until the storm passes."

You nod, your eyes slipping closed as, even though the cramps had lessened to almost nothing, Charon continued to massage your abdomen with his massive hand; the pain blooming into something... else. A fire, not unlike the one that burned in the rusted fireplace, glowed hot and low inside of you, making your body go slick with something other than the blood you knew soaked into the cotton strip in your underwear.

The heat thrummed in your chest and you swallowed, your hand squeezing his wrist once. "I... Y-You can stop, now."

Charon immediately halted, something his palm once again as he looked at you.

This sudden shyness was completely unlike you. You were loud, boisterous, giddy and able to talk down even the most hard-headed individuals; not this... shy little radrabbit.

You groaned again in frustration, gripping his wrist tight as you rode out a fresh cramp.

"There is something," Charon said slowly. "That might help."

"What is it?" You sigh, looking at him with pinched brows.

The moment your eyes fell on him, you swallowed a new lump in your throat as Charon leaned in over you, dwarfing and caging you beneath his massive body on the couch.

"There are ways to help the pains. Basic ones." He said softly, resting his forehead against yours.

You shivered, the heat rolling off of his body triggering a nervous sweat on you. Or maybe it was your body as your temp Rose ad fell--just as your father warned you would happen from time to time. Either way, the smell of him, the lingering ghosts of his touching, and now his innate closeness to you had that heat pool once more lowly in your belly.

"I... Charon, I don't think--" You began to awkwardly bumble out.

It wasn't that you were afraid of the prospect, not at all. You had had sex with each other once or twice already. But sharing your body in such an intimate matter, especially with the... mess going on with your lower half right now... let alone with someone who was, up until recently, your "employee" as he put it, had your stomach flipping with angry butterflies.

His hand that was used to massage your belly braced him up so he could stare down at you. That ever-steely gaze fixed against yours, your lip quivering a little in some sort of shame you cursed yourself for feeling.

"I can help you. It's my job." He says, his voice softer than usual; the deep grating almost missing from him altogether. This was... gentler, as if he was talking to a scared animal.

"Charon, you don't have to... this is..." You struggle out, a deep sigh heaving from you as you tried to come up with an excuse, your fingers toying blindly with his leather belts looped around his torso in an effort to calm down. "It's... gross. Messy."

Shockingly, the ever-rare smile slowly curves his lips, twisting his marred features in a humorous glow as he looked down at you further, a dry chuckle tumbling from him as though you just said the funniest joke on the planet to him.

"Doll..." He whispered to you, leaning in to press his lips on your jaw, just beneath your ear. God, that pet name sent shivers down your spine...

"I have been marred with death and grime for dozens of years. A long fucking time. I'm not afraid of a little blood."

"I..." You hitch, feeling his free hand slide down your front, his thumb sweeping over your pebbled nipple, feeling it through the thin fabric of your tank top. The ache you felt there, too, eased somewhat as he gently rolled and groped at the fat, wrenching something between a grunt and a moan from you.

"Let me help you. And it will help." He growled deeply, sucking a bruise into your throat in such a way that had your back arching and your walls fluttering at his promise.

"...Okay." You finally consent.

The moment you gave your permission, Charon reached down to grab at the edges of your suit, tugging it down your thighs enough to give him space to work while his hand worked its way past the worn elastic of your underwear.

The moment his fingers touched your aching clit, you made a shuddered sound, your hands gripping his leather jacket tight, gritting your teeth as his mouth worked at your throat; the callouses and pitted texture of his hand providing the perfect friction to your throbbing little nub.

Charon groaned against your soft skin, his crooked teeth scraping at your pulse as he spread your lips, his fingers moving to trace your leaking hole.

"You're forgetting that I've had many employers. Women included. I've done this before for them; an orgasm will help." He murmurs, sliding a thick finger inside of you, his thumb circling your clit mercilessly as you walls squeezed down around him.

His tongue traced a bead of sweat that rolled over the knot in your throat, "...you're the only one I'll enjoy doing it for."

The throb in your cunt matched the one in your chest; feeling humbled and happy that he trusted you so entirely--accepted you so fully that anything he did, that could bring you joy or relief, was his own; as though you two were the same person in separate and anything that helped soothe you did the same for him.

"Charon." You moaned weakly, your hips rolling in time with his fingers as he pushed another one inside of you, pressing and curling in the delicious pattern he already knew made you weak in the knees. He was a fast learner, figuring out all your bells and whistles after that first fleeting and awkward sexual encounter the two of you had back in your house in Megaton.

You panted and wheezed, his hand moving wonderfully slow in the best way, massaging your contracting walls as you pressed your legs wider for him; brushing against the rather intimidating bulge in his jeans that he neglected in favor of you.

Almost as soon as his fingers pressed on that spongy spot inside of you that had you seeing stars... A throb of pain overwrote it and you whimpered, your thighs squeezing tight around his wrist as your belly flexed once more.

Charon pulled his mouth free of your neck, looking down at you, his brows furrowed hard as he studied your pained expression. "Another one? How bad?"

"Hurts..." Was all you could sniffle out. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." He growled, leaning down to kiss you deeply, his tongue gently brushing your lips before pulling away again, pushing up on the couch until he stood on his knees and looked down at you.

"Don't ever. Say sorry. To me."

You looked up at him, feeling guilty as you dared spare a glance down at his hand as it withdrew from your heat, smeared with your blood. Your cheeks burned and you tried to hide your face behind your arm.

Charon wiped his hand on his pants and sighed down at you. It didn't surprise him, not really, that you felt shame regarding your monthly cycle. A lot of women had grown up being shamed; especially if any blood was visible on their clothes. Shit, even before the War, women and young girls faced a stigma if they spoke openly about their menstrual cycles.

He despised the fact that somehow, that shit survived into the apocalypse. He hated the fact you apologized for feeling that pain your body was inflicting upon you naturally; that you felt bad for being "messy".

But what irked him most in the moment, was the fact that his touches weren't enough for you right now. Charon grunted, pressing the heel of his palm into the bulge in his pants, hissing out a sigh between his teeth.

He leaned down, gently pushing your hand to the side so he could look into your watery eyes. Mood swings were common, too. That he knew obviously. His chapped and rough lips grazed yours softly in a gentle and well-rehearsed dance.

"Relax for me. Getting upset won't help you right now, doll." He whispered sweetly to you, his eyes softening as your gazes locked.

"I--I don't know why, I..."

"Hush." He says, hastily undoing his armor and jacket, lazily draping them over the back of the couch; reaching behind him to pull off his thin gray shirt over his head, revealing the twisted, marred, and damaged tissue of his body to you.

Many people were disgusted by ghouls, finding their skin (or lack thereof, in some cases) gross and unappealing. While yes, there were the scant few who found them attractive; both sexually and in general... The vast majority were uncomfortable with the prospect of having sex with one.

Your eyelashes flutter as you blink, swallowing hard; your tongue felt like all moisture in your mouth was absorbed, the muscle swollen so much that you couldn't find anymore saliva to moisten it. He had an amazingly built body. Not an inch of fat on him (but then again, very few even had fat anymore, given how scarce food could be from time to time) Charon was a solid wall of muscle and scars from past battles; both physically and mentally.

And he knew you loved every bit of him. Maybe you were naive, maybe you had just been lonely at first... but he was well aware of how intensely your attraction and affection burned for him.

His fingers slipped his belt loose, the buckle tinkling as the worn leather slipped free; before unbuttoning his jeans.

Charon looked into your eyes, his cock throbbing at the way you bit your lip, your soft eyes staring with heated want at the bulge that was so prominent in his confining clothes. But, as before, the look of doubt flickered in that little flame within you; shame.

He couldn't help but feel a small sense of smug pride, smirking down at you. "I know you might not want to do this... But--" Charon sighed as he freed his cock, holding the fat length of it in a tight grip.

As scarred as the rest of him, the sheer size and texture promised a head-spinningly good time.

"Let me help you." His other hand pinched your chin between thick fingers, making you look up at him and match his eyes. "Please."

Your heart squeezed in your chest. He was asking you, making sure above all else that this was what you wanted.

And... you did. Nodding as another new cramp slipped through your abdomen, you cringed a little. "Please..." You repeat back to him.

Charon nodded, pulling the rest of your suit off and tossing it to the floor, his thumbs hooking your bloody underwear down your legs, the coppery scent hitting his lack-of nose as he carefully set them aside. He kicked off his boots and pants before caging you against the couch once again, looking briefly at the slick of crimson that shone on your smooth thighs, the short hairs on your sex sticky with it.

He gave you another kiss, this one more heated than the last, your tongues twining and dancing as he aggressively fought to seek dominance over yours. He won, of course, you were helpless against him.

"Take deep breaths." He muttered against your lips, reaching down between you to notch his gnarled tip at your entrance.

You let out a shaky puff of air, before sucking in a tight lungfull as he pushed in, the stretch of his cock absolutely filling and oh, so pleasant. Your heels dig in to the muscles of his glutes, your nails biting into his pitted skin as he slid inch by torturous inch into your tight, clenching walls.

Charon tossed his head back with a groan, "Fuck. You need to relax as much as you can, doll... You're fucking tight."

You nod frantically, whimpering as you try to force your muscles to ease up their vice-grip on his shaft, mouth hanging open in hungry pants of air as he slowly withdraws, his cock painted a macabre red before thrusting back in.

It hurt, not just from the cramps you were feeling, but from the fact that Charon was going so slow, so gentle with you. You understood his concerns, yes, but... fuck. Your body screamed, your ovaries practically beat against your womb to just have him fuck you relentless, to pump you full of seed that would never take root.

You wheezed as his hips arch and press down against yours, rubbing your walls in a painfully erotic way, "Harder."

He stilled, then, bracing himself on his elbows to look at you, his scruffy scraps of hair hanging down like tattered curtains as your eyes locked once again. "You're sure?"

"Yes." You sob softly. "Fuck--yes. I--I need you to... to just..."

He growled, his mouth twisting into a snarl as he pushed up on the couch, leaning back as his hands reached around you, hoisting you up by your ass so his cock could angle blissfully within your cunt, wordlessly following your plea before settling into a bruising pace, rutting into you like a man possessed.

Your soft breasts bounced as he grunted, his cock stretching and fucking you so utterly it almost knocked all rational thoughts free from your brain; almost knocking your brain loose as you sob, tears prickling your vision as your eyes crossed, a wanton moan wrenched free from within you in concert with the howling winds that swept the wasteland outside.

The fire crackled and popped, dying down to lame embers, darkening the room as Charon pounded your sore and twitching cunt, the lewd sound of skin slapping on skin a constant sound going off like a gunshot in your ears.

Hell, each punch of his hips felt like a gunshot to your cervix; the pain mixing in a wondrous cocktail of euphoria as you felt your orgasm flutter from deep within you.

Your walls crushed down on his cock, your blood and slick letting him slide in and out of you with no effort as you whimpered and cried with every arch and fuck of his hips.

"Ch-Charon," You hiccup, your blood rushing so loudly in your ears it nearly drowned out the lewd sounds your bodies made as Charon gripped your hips in such a way that you were sure to have bruises in your ass cheeks tomorrow. "Charon, 'm gonna--"

"Do it." He groaned, his head hanging back and his mouth open in wet, hot pants; eyes screwed shut. "Cum for me, doll."

You arch your back, your nails digging into the frail fabric of the couch cushions, tearing the seams almost audibly as your climax rippled through your, your womb clenching finally in a way that blacked out your mind with not pain, but pleasure.

Blinding, searing, burning pleasure as your body turned to jelly in Charon's hands, letting him manhandle you through your final ebbs of nirvana as your pussy clenched around him.

He slowed his thrusts languidly, slowly easing you down onto the couch once again. Your blood would surely stain your bedding... But right now you couldn't care less; finally, blissful oblivion was granted to your cramps. Pain completely dissolved, you sighed in content as you heavy lids drew open to look up at him.

Charon let out a heavy sigh, his hand gripping your thigh softly, squeezing the fat there affectionately. "Feel better?"

"Yeah..." You sigh again, happily, your hands sliding up his shoulders to rest on the back of his neck.

But... some part of you roared to life, awareness spreading through your sex almost instincively.

"I... You didn't--"

Charon smirks at you, once again, the promise on his lips making your pussy flutter around him.

"This can last up to a week." He jerked his head towards the door he barricaded shut against the storm raging outside.

He snapped his hips into yours, grinding his cock head against your deepest reaches.

"So can this. I have plenty of time to get off. Right now... we're focusing on you."

You whimper as his teeth nip at your ear; "...And I think I feel you cramping again."

[radplaidtacofan]

Idk if anyone will see this or care but this is my coming out post

I'm 33 and I think I'm finally done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've known since I can first remember that I was a guy. My first memories are of running around shirtless, being told I would have to cover up soon and not understanding why. I wondered why I didn't have a dick. I always wanted to prove how strong I was, how fast I was, how high I could climb, etc. I remember when I first learned about puberty and I was 100% certain that, when the time came, I could pick which one I'd be and I knew I'd pick male. I couldn't wait to start growing a beard and look like Riker.

The dysphoria has always been really fucking bad. The autism, ADHD and OCD made me miserable already but dysphoria made me so badly depressed by the time I was 10 I was constantly thinking about ... well, let's just say that I never thought I would see 33.

I found out being trans was A Thing and started binding, begging my parents and doctors to let me start hormones, etc. I had a really shitty person at CAMH tell me that I didn't meet the criteria? Lmao. He's probably retired now and I hope he's miserable tbh.

I did eventually take T in my early 20s for about a year, then I had a breakdown thinking I was making a huge mistake... because I didn't think I'd ever be happy. I feel wrong down to my fucking DNA. Even now I'm fighting with myself because I feel terrible that I can never be a cis man and it just... it kills me.

So yeah, I decided to chug copium for years thinking that if I tried really really hard I could accept being female and be Okay.

Hahahaha. Ha.

The funny thing is, even when I was chugging copium I was still thinking things like, "If someone had a magic wand and could make me a cis male I'd say yes without hesitation," or, "I wish Star Trek was real cause they could fix me easily," or even, "Wearing a dress is drag."

I still felt like I was being weird by looking at bras, panties and swimsuits. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into drag! And I'd fight anyone who tries to make trans women feel bad. It's just, personally, it doesn't feel Right for me.) I assumed people saw me as a man. I really played up being girly. I'd be giggling and acting flirty and barf. But I thought I was being very Gender and convincing people! And that's what I was trying to do: convince people. People who didn't need convincing because they saw me as a woman. It was just me who didn't.

Fun fact: I quote this all the time and people keep looking at me weird.

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few days because my brain finally said, "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. You know what you are, goddamn idiot bastard man." So now I'm trying to be less of a goddamn idiot bastard man and continue the process I started when I was like... 3. I'm gonna make little me so fucking proud when I grow that beard (god I hope I can grow a beard) and get this weight off my chest.

I haven't figured out what name to go by yet because I've been through several since I told my parents I hated my name when I was like 10 and none of them fit. But I am a man and I am starting the process of making that obvious to everyone around me.

I already know some people are gonna be challenging but fuck it, we ball!

[youredreamingofroo]

The Roo-seum...

group pics and other stuff under the cut! (just to avoid flooding the dash lmao)

CAS pics in the NEXT POST

Now onto me ranting.

The Roo-seum is a 16 sim project that's consumed me for the last couple of days (in a good way), this explores most of Roo's lifespan (not implying he's dead LMAO), from the age of 9 years old, up to now, 28 years old, talking about what he went through for each year (for the most part anyways), of course, I didn't start at 1 or 2 years old, mainly because, way back when I made all of these Roo's (roughly back in July '23, this is not an idea that suddenly sparked, I only acted on it because I have a way to show off each age that isn't a Picrew lmao... I can't draw well so I just used TS4), I made them in Picrew, which... at the time couldn't find a Picrew with kids/babies so the youngest I went was around 9 years old, and just built up from there.

Roo is my persona gone OC, around 5 or 6 years ago, I put on this persona of "Roo", which started as "The Unfortunate Roo" and Roo's (or Mine, since this was technically a Persona, doubling as an OC) design was COMPLETELY different back then, He wasn't a he, the design was a sucubus I think, I don't really recall and I really couldn't care for it, it's embarrassing 💀 I don't remember how he came to fruition, but I remember finding this one picrew that I LOVED, and I used that picrew to create ~Roo~, his initial design was akin to the 22-23 year old Roo, there's a lot about his design that I could talk about but will avoid doing so, but just know that his Sims design isn't super on the dot to what his actual design is supposed to look like.

So... what's Piametia?? Why did you come up with that?? How did you come up with that?? To be honest, I never actually came up with a name up until yesterday when writing the note for 10-12 year old Roo, I don't really remember what sparked me to come up with a condition that "has the Patient suffer a sudden loss or gain in pigmentation and melanin in the eyes and hair," I guess 17 year old me thought it was cool, and it is! It opened up a new story for him, where I couldn't provide story (for someone without Piametia), like how being affected by Piametia caused him to go from extremely accepting of himself, to getting bullied into "normalizing himself," While he achieved this, it was really in vain, because he was still bullied for his condition, but as he grew older, out of his teen years and into adulthood, it bothered him less and less, because, well, shit like that doesn't fucking matter, sure it still bothered him, sure it still traumatized him to some degree, but it's just what some stupid kids say, it doesn't determine what his worth is, and he understands that, so after recovering from almost ending his life, he realized that something had to change, he couldn't live in this wallowing ball of agony because some kids determined "hey! That kid is different! They're no longer as cool as we are! Get him!!"

I should also mention that he didn't develop Piametia til he was around 9 years old, which is exactly what the condition does, it's genetic (although it never occurred in Reese or Virginia, the only reasonable conclusion was that it skipped a generation) and it's drilled into the person's DNA and only takes effect before puberty (in the average kid). So Roo was considered a part of the other kids' little cliques and stuff, but only until his hair and eyes changed color.

I kind of hyped this up to be something extravagant and maybe it is, idk, I don't have the eyes of the audience, I'm just a guy who made this and I have a rather critical view of my work sometimes, I try not to, but force of habit lmao. I really liked making this because Roo is an OC who has grown with me, mainly because he's both a persona of me while also being an OC, so where I change and grow, he often reflects that change and growth, in his own ways of course, I often wish he was real, but he's not and that's the harsh reality. Also gonna clarify that his life does NOT completely reflect mine, I'm only 18, he's ten years older then me lmao, where he was 8 I was 10 years to be conceived- Roo is still his own character, he's had his own relationships, all of which have went poorly (reflecting my own), and even had his own stalker (which escalated)- But parts of his life like when he became extremely homophobic of himself and who he truly was is not reflective of myself, I never had that stage in life (whether you did or not however is not a bad thing unless your actually just homophobic, then gtfo like?? 😭).

I went on a rant there, and I probably could've kept going, but figured I should stop at some point lol, but I hope you guys like this, I sure LOVED making this and I love doing Roo related things and posts. I also provided text in the image descriptions in case it's hard to read in the images (I tried to keep it as clear and readable as possible), and in case anyone who uses a screen-reader finds this post :)

[penicillium-pusher]

Saw that that you already got hate for admitting how young you were when you became sexually active, and wanted to chime in with some support and say I’m sorry people are so weird about it. I also became sexual active at a very young age and am met with a lot of pushback as if I did something wrong for exploring natural feelings with other kids, and later being taken advantage of by adults who exploited that. I was like 11 or 12 the first time I had what would be considered oral sex with another girl, I can’t even remember who initiated or why, but it’s embarrassing and awkward to remember - but that doesn’t mean it was like inherently bad or gross. We were both kids just messing around and it became a thing. Kids , as awkward and uncomfortable as it sounds to discuss as adults, are going to explore those things especially if no one is explaining any dangers associated with them. Better to keep them aware to some degree at least to prevent larger problems and foster an environment they feel safe communicating to the trusted adults in their lives about that stuff, than shove fingers in our ears and pretend kids hitting puberty aren’t experiencing , ya know, hormones?? Anyway, just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with you for having sexual experiences at a young age. I think a lot more people do than who later admit to it, or a lot of people think of their ‘first time’ as having to be piv.

I also got demonized a lot by adults for being like, “promiscuous” with other girls, but i genuinely think that because i was pretty undeniably queer at a young age i got immediately “blamed” by adults for whatever happened because they couldn’t fathom their daughter or any straight passing girl could have initiated anything without my evil lesbian temptation. That was true like- through all of middle, junior, and high school 😅

Thank you 💕 yeah I only pretty recently started talking about it bc I think it weirds people out and many might have a reaction like that lmao

Again, people really don’t like being confronted with the fact that sexual feelings happen well before the age of 18, or even before teenage years in general 🤷‍♂️ I think our experiences aren’t typical, or of the majority, (regarding us being sexually active with others) but I do think they are more common than what people would assume. And don’t even get me started on masturbation haha

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Happy bday to the girlflop/girlboss/girl ever. I wrote some a few days ago while I was at the doctors but I deleted them by accident so you get these instead. (Shout out to the whole four people who saw that post 🤧)

-doesnt see the point in celebrating/making it a big deal, she's only ever celebrated with her parents and *maybe* some relatives, and Ash never really liked going out, so it's just...always been a really small thing for her at home.

-embarrassing for her but she has a mild phobia of balloons because the sound is really painful for her when they pop, so they're forbidden at her birthday parties- (Aiden learned that the hard way-)

-her taste in cake is just chocolate...like not even any frosting or anything...she'll eat like 3-4 slices tho she tends to indulge herself a lot on sweets.

-(hugging my pillow) she likes comic books (kicking my feet in bed) she's not a big reader but she prefers comic books way more! As we all know she is a Spiderman Stan and we love her for that. It started when she was hiding in her parents closet (it was noisy outside) and found some old comics from like the 90s in the back...her parents were so stressed looking for her meanwhile she was just lying on her belly flipping through them, it helped her with the noise from outside :)

-Pizza > burgers. But she just likes cheese pizza with pepperoni thats all- her taste in food is kinda bland akdgksh

-she's actually like, mildly interested in makeup (as in a "Oh that looks nice" kind of way) but the texture feel on her face is so bad and she hates it so she can't have makeup on for like more than an hour because she'll ruin it lmao 🫠 She prefers to watch Taylor do hers. She's fine with Taylor painting her nails, but she starts peeling it as soon as it flakes.

-when she was little she absolutely refused to cut her hair because she despised anybody besides her parents touching it, as she got older she just kinda accepted like "well why would I cut it now". Tyler offering to cut it was a little weird for her, but she likes how he does it so she's fine with it. She trusts Ben to be careful and because she knows braiding it helps him relax, and Aiden...Aiden is...Aiden 😮‍💨

-Bad artist, finds it frustrating to draw. In that sense she admires Ben, Aiden, and Logan's artwork.

-stunningly average student except for athletics. Her grade in PE wasn't that high because she wouldn't team up or show enthusiasm, but it went up after she made friends and started grouping with them. (She did buddy back stretches with Aiden ONCE and he lifted her off her feet and since then she won't do it with him anymore-)

-is not enjoying puberty. She has a lot of joint pain from growing, and a sweating problem- her and Logan talk about deodorants. And her periods are like "sit in the shower and think about life" kind of bad (projecting a little)

-when she was little, before she started ballet, she liked to dance around the house when she was alone.

-Bad at responding to affection and compliments, her brain just kind of. Switches off. She's really pale so you can see her blush easily lol

-cuz its pride month have a queer hc <3. Having a crush makes her feel like she's dying, she hates it a lot (I mean Aidlyn but you can project it onto any ship~), it took her till she was an adult to realize she fell under the demi category (but she's not a big label person)

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

absolutely no one: imane is a trans woman

you, for some reason: imane was never assigned male at birth, she can't be a trans woman! radblr looks ridiculous!!!

pretty much all dsd males outside the west are afab. that's what afab means. xx women are not assigned female, they are female. assigned female always means biologically male. afabs are raised as girls until puberty hits when their hidden gonads kick into action and begin the male puberty process.

Anon, with all due respect, I think you're a little insane. Afab does not "always mean male" it means "to the best of our knowledge, you are not male". No doctor is going to look at an intersex male, be fully confident he is male and will go through male puberty, and then assign him female anyway. That doesn't happen. The fact you seem to think it does makes me concerned for your worldview. Put down the conspiracy theories and smell a rose or something. No doctor says "Yea, this child is male... Raise him as a girl until his male puberty kicks in" like... Do you hear yourself? How can you say "assigned female always means someone is male"? Does that sentence really make sense to you? Read it just one more time.

And what do you MEAN by they're raised as girls UNTIL puberty? What happens after puberty? They stop being raised as girls? At 10-13 years old, their parents are like "that girl thing is over. You're a boy now" like... Honestly, I kinda want you to expand on that lmao. I really wanna read your sources. I'm genuinely so interested.

I'm going to guess that your belief as to why intersex males are apparently "always assigned female" is because you're aware that there are sexist doctors who believe that "incomplete" males cannot be actual men. But then I have to ask what about intersex females? Do they get assigned as male since they are "incomplete" females? Do sexist doctors look at them and decide that they can enter society as a man and get all the privledges that come with that? Or do they also get assigned afab? My question is: Why the amab term the at all? Who gets assigned as amab? Who are the amab's in your worldview, anon.

Also, people were absolutely calling Imane a trans woman or at least assuming she was. I'll be honest: I absolutely did! I think the first I saw of the situation was a post saying "I thought there were no TIMs in the female category but I was wrong." Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Given S1

I have no knowledge of this show aside from that it is a Boyband Romance Anime, but I love the little puppy they've introduced in the first scene, fingers crossed for a recurring role

[Dreaming of snapped guitar strings, staring up at a dark figure and cans scattered on the floor] Your Lie in April has really set a very strange precedent for musician romance anime, I hope for a different vibe. The haunting dreams do not bode well

I like the proportions of these characters, it feels very realistic

"Seriously, say something, would you?! Use your damn words! You're creepy as hell! And your strings are rusty, that's why one of 'em broke! Fix it already!" 1) I gather by this unsolicited rant that Uenoyama and Sulky Redhead are love interests, and 2) Is that the voice of Megumi Fushiguro, Boy Kisser?

It IS the voice of Megumi Fushiguro, Boy Kisser!!!! Criticizing someone's guitar maintenance but then immediately dropping everything to fix it bc they look sweet and sad is SO Megumi. [Todo voice] I know what you are

"I had no idea that I was strumming hard on his heartstrings with my own fingers." Surely there was a better way to say this, Uenoyama?

Also, he makes it seem like the other guy fell first, when it appears to me that Uenoyama is stressing BECAUSE he thinks the other guy is cute

HAHAHA not Uenoyama listening to the Artistic Monkeys

JKHGKJH I wondered why Uenoyama first sat down, I guess it's because this stairwell is where he naps. Terrible choice, both uncomfortable and in the way

"You carry a guitar around knowing nothing about it?" A fair point

HAHAHA the way that Kaji and Haruki immediately want to show off and play a song for Sato. Accurate band vibes

"Teach me guitar... please." "Would you knock that off? I've never taught anyone. I don't even know how to teach." Gkjhgkjgh the way Sato keeps ignoring Uenoyama's very reasonable concerns and suggestions and insists he should be his teacher

[Saves Sato from gettins sideswiped] "You need to watch behind you." "But I can't see behind me."I think perhaps Sato has a condition of the mind

I love Yayoi, because this is exactly how I am lounging at home:

"I haven't been over there [to the stairwell] since yesterday. Because I had a feeling I'd break if he asked me again." LOL Uenoyama said: I never claimed to be a strongwilled man

"Was it... actually showing on my face?" Iknowwhatyouare.jpg

HAHAHAH Uenoyama worried about Sato not showing up in the stairwell (that Uenoyama had purposely been avoiding!!) but it's because Sato was holding hands with Uenoyama's bassist while waiting for him in the music studio

"Didn't you... go to the light music club?" "I did. But you were cooler, Uenoyama." AWWWW Sato

"We're gonna go for a smoke." I gather that Kaji and Haruki are a bit older than Uenoyama?

They did shortly elaborate that Haruki is in grad school and Kaji is a second year in university/college. I agree with Sato, it is impressive that Uenoyama is at the same level given they've had more time to learn!

"I want to play the first [chord] you played for me." Now this is a trope I've heard MANY times LOL. And somehow they always remember which chord that is

"He might've seemed bratty just because, y'know, he's going through puberty." LMAO real, Kaji

Ggkjghkjghg the realness of the fact to be a musician you need to have tons of disposable income. 10/10 accuracy

They've already mentioned Kaji going out with Yayoi, but with the hair tugging and the "When did you do all that?" "You wanted to see?" with Haruki, I feel like Kaji is perhaps a bisexual king

"Because I don't want to hurl from seeing some high school cover band play basic-ass J-Pop songs." Hahaha, you're a pretentious little prick, aren't you, Uenoyama?

"I'm not sure... But I had fun." [Blushes] "I see." Tee hee

"Why are you guys so buddy-buddy?" Uenoyama's friends have clocked his peculiar dynamic with Sato LOL

"Well, neither of you are exactly sociable. You're in different classes and have different personalities. All the girls have been wondering what's up too." "They're actually wondering?" "Yup, I mean Sato-kun's pretty hot, y'know? He has a lot of secret fans, but he seems so unapproachable." They are the Toya and Yuki of their school, admired widely and having their own Intimate Rituals for Touching the Skin of Other Men LOL

"No, I don't have a dad." "Huh? Oh, sorry. Uh, in that case... what kind of music do you like?" Uenoyama, King of Subtle Topic Changes

Uenoyama aftering haring Sato sing one (1) time: Oh no, I hope this doesn't awaken anything within me

"I'm not lonely. Even though I'll never see you again... Even though I still don't have any words... I'll take the thing you loved with me." Are we about to elaborate on Sato's tragic backstory and random expensive guitar?

This shot is definitely giving Bisexual Love Triangle for Kaji and Haruki and Yayoi, I love this for them:

[Haruki, internally] "Drop dead, you oblivious heartbreaker." OH????? I wasn't expecting confirmation so soon!! And from Haruki!! Tell me more

"He's the damn weirdo, here. You know Sato Mafuyu, right?" "Yeah, the guy from the class next door. I invited him to join our band." I also wasn't expecting Uenoyama to loop his Basketball friend into the music situation LOL

LOL @ Uenoyama being so upset at being rejected. Now the Chase this Guy to Be Involved in My Music Journey Vibe is on the other foot!!

"How do you keep getting a hold of Kaji-san, even though he dumped you—" HAHAH not Uenoyama seeking advice from a romantic dynamic for his Sato struggles. Telling, I think

HJKGHJGHGKJHG the Wikihow article he's consulting:

"When you were wondering why he declined, did you think to actually ask him why?" A piercing shot from Haruki LOL.

"You should probably hear him out. Music is all about communication." My favourite romance trope is when a friend (Haruki) asks the main character: Have you tried listening? And the main character is like: :o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"There's no way Akihiko is two years younger than me..." Is that cause you have a crush on him, Haruki?

Also I love the consistency of Haruki calling everyone casually, either by first name like Akihiko and Mafuyu or by diminutive like calling Uenoyama "Uecchi"

"You just... fell off the face of the earth... Hey, wait a sec... What the hell? That thing on your back... Is that Yuki's guitar?" We've circled back to tragic backstory

Also, not the same Yuki I was referencing before lol. I was thinking of Cardcaptor Sakura's Yukito

So, I gather from the funeral shot that Yuki is extremely dead:

[Sato, internally] "Just like how everyone laughs and cries. I just... can't do it well." Oh, Sato's for sure got something. Do you think they're getting at him being autistic?

Sato running away until Uenoyama calls him by name (Mafuyu)!!!

"Are, are you crying?" asked Uenoyama, not knowing that that was a sensitive subject for Sato

"When you're in a band, you have to express yourself in front of people, right? People always tell me, I look like I'm not thinking about anything." I wasn't expecting the neurodivergence to be a plot point!

"You're not good at expressing yourself? The whole reason I invited you into our band, is because your song shook me to my core." It DID awaken something within Uenoyama! Reignited love of music, or attraction to men, or both, only time will tell

[Uenoyama, internally] "How could you say something like that with such a pained look on your face?" Ohhhhh Uenoyama understands how Sato emotes

"Ever since I met you, I'm pretty sure I've been a complete mess," thought Uenoyama, as Sato serenaded him in the street

What the fuck does Kaji make of this conversation LMAO

"I'll do it. I want to join your band." Yeehaw, here we go!

Do Ritsuka and Yayoi have parents? We haven't seen them once yet LOL

Fascinated by the College Love Triangle Subplot. It seems like Haruki is in love with Kaji, but I want them to elaborate!!

"It's like he went back to how he used to be." What happened to make Uenoyama lose his drive for music before? Just growing up?

Also Uenoyama's right, how is Yayoi so close to Kaji when they've supposedly broken up LOL?

"Looks like Sato-kun stole Uenoyama-kun from you..." LMAO not Uenoyama being more responsive to Sato's call from literally like 15 feet away than to Kasai who was literally poking him repeatedly while calling out right next to him

Oh ho ho, I think with Kasai prompting some jealousy for Sato, the romance factor might amp up (pun intended)

"That song in your head. I figured I might be able to turn into an actual song." "You remember it?" "Huh? Of course I do. I've heard it twice now." Uenoyama King of, If He Wanted To, He Would

Hee hee, I love music shopping date. What 2gether didn't have the budget for LMAO:

"Why are they always together?" "Huh?" "They're all over each other, day after day... Why are they hanging out after school, too? Why? Are they dating or something?" There's always one girl per gay romance show that goes, Hey, Men Having Friends is For Homosexuals. Which like, accurate for the duo, but not as a general rule

"Do you have finals around then?" "Uh..." [Camera pans, Uenoyama looks at Sato] [Sato shakes his head] "We're good." "You really don't give a crap about anything besides the band, do you?" HAHAHA a direct and accurate hit from Kaji

"Sorry, but can I come over tonight?" Wow, modelling drinking and not driving AND we get a Kaji-Haruki sleepover? I'm thrilled!

"Ever since I fell in love with Akihiko, it's been like my prayer for something to happen." VINDICATION!!!!!!!!!

"But that was also when I first encountered the child prodigy, Ritsuka Uenoyama." Omg, child prodigy? Go Uenoyama!

"That was the first time in my life I'd stared at another guy's face so intensely. The light hitting his eyes made them look even brighter, and the edges looked almost green." Haruki said: Move over Sato-Uenoyama slowburn, I fell hard and discovered by sexuality fast!!! Pack it up, gay people

IT'S NOT A LOVE TRIANGLE, IT'S A LOVE SQUARE, AND THERE'S ALREADY A MAN IN AKIHIKO (KAJI)'S BED!!! I LOVE THE COLLEGE ROMANCE SUBPLOT

"Wanna play some basketball?" "Are you sure?" Awww, Sato's making new friends!

"So he can smile!" said Uenoyama, as if Sato had not smiled at him numerous times already

LOL @ Haruki trying to discuss band logistics while all three other band members are focused too much on the barbecue. Accurate young men representation, based on my experiences at all-you-can-eat restaurants

This is an insane choice of where to sleep if Akihiko (Kaji) is dating someone else???? EXPLAIN THE MAN

The puppy is making a return appearance!! (Aside from the end credits, which are entirely puppy.) Woo!

"I wonder... if Sato-kun likes you." "I mean, I don't think he hates me." Kasai's initial gay accusation going right over Uenoyama's head

"Sato-kun was dating another boy from his middle school. On top of that, the guy... suddenly killed himself last year. There are rumours that Sato-kun was part of the reason he killed himself." 1) Insane way to bring this up, Uenoyama is currently Sato's best friend and 2) Did you consider, Kasai, that gay teens are at high risk of suicide not usually because of their boyfriends, but because of the lack of support and hostility from people around them?

Also the terrible revelation at why this episode is called The Reason. I'm having a bad time at this juncture

"What the hell is this weird feeling twisting in my stomach?" 50-50 on whether Uenoyama thinks it's jealousy or homophobia

"That's Yuki's guitar, right?" "His mom asked me to take it. "I guess you guys basically had both your parents' approval." Ohhhhh Mafuyu

[Mafuyu, relieved] "You are here to criticize me, then." Oh, what a fucked up and weird dynamic between Sato and Hiiragi

"Of course I'll worry. How can I help it? We've all been friends since we were little." This Yuki backstory continues to unfold

"I know it's not really fair of me, but I haven't breathed a word of what I heard that day to anyone." If anything, it would be more unfair if Uenoyama DID say anything about it

"What is that feeling, anyway? Part of me wants to run away when I hear it. Though part of me also really likes it." I'd wager that's a personal problem, Uenoyama

Akihiko said, laughing: Ah, Gay Music Anger, we've all been there

"I believe in you, son." "Are you his boss now?" The vaguely threatening aura Uenoyama has with Mafuyu when he's encouraging him musically kills me

"Oh, I know. Why not write lyrics about past relationships? That's pretty classic." "Shut your mouth, son." HAHAHA Kaji said: You will NOT hurt the feelings of our band's teen romance, Haruki

"I really admire that about you. And you know how to make coffee using a siphon." [Haruki, blushing] "Please stop killing me with kindness!" They really gotta elaborate on the man in bed in what seems like Kaji's studio apartment before I can actively root for Haruki and Kaji

What with how long Mafuyu's been travelling around, I can only imagine he's visiting Yuki's grave

I haven't said much about them, but I like that Ueki and Itaya have immediately taken to Mafuyu

[Uenoyama, internally] "Someone he loved? Oh, yeah. This is... This is definitely jealousy." He got there eventually!

They're ealborating on the man from Kaji's apartment, finally. Also, hilarious that seemingly everyone in this band is gay, but they're all keeping it from each other, despite several of them having feelings for other members. Quadruple glass closet

"If this goes any further, our band's going to fall apart." They can't be expected to work under these romantic conditions:

"Did something happen between you and Mafuyu?" [Uenoyama makes strangled noises while blushing] "Wait, what?! You already put your mitts on him?!" HAHAHA WHAT A THING TO SAY

"What do you even think happened?! Put my mitts on him? Late bloomer?!" PLEASE SOMEONE EDIT MEGUMI TO THIS DIALOGUE HAHAHAHAHA

"Your face basically says, 'I'm in love with Mafuyu.'" Uenoyama found dead on Aisle 10 kjghkjghgj

"Is there something wrong with me?" "No? What's wrong about it? That you like a guy? 'I'm only supposed to be into girls,' or something? Don't worry. That's what I thought about myself, but I've been with guys, too." BISEXUAL KAJI CONFIRMED AND WE GET A YOUNG QUEER PERSON BEING SUPPORTED BY AN OLDER QUEER PERSON? I LOOOOOOVE

"I mean, it was kinda petty [to bring up rumours about Sato being gay]. But I guess I'm glad I found out... or something." Uenoyama, Prince of Honestly Confronting His Feelings

Kaji both wants the teen romance to blossom but also has deep concerns about the state of their band

"When his hand touched my skin through my clothes, there was so much tension, it was like I'd been pierced by needles. I wanted to rip all of these needles out, strip him naked, and sully that sound." This is way more intense than Haruki's monologue, Kaji, what are they teaching you at this college?

I still have no idea what's going on between Kaji and his roommate. They've gotta be dating right? There's one bed!

"Well, yeah... I'm just striving to my usual level of performance... Isn't that enough?" "It's not. Or at least, that's what Akihiko thinks. I don't know if you're just too worried about Mafuyu to even notice, but if you go on like this, you're gonna be swallowed up by Mafuyu's sound." They really are giving these teens Musical Ultimatums for Improvement

Of all the things in this show, I am most thrown by the concept of a disposable umbrella. People in Japan just be buying cheap umbrellas for a few uses to break and throw out? What? Why? It's like a raincoat, single-use doesn't make sense! How have you marketed this successfully???

(I know how. From my limited experience in Japan, the single-use plastic industry is everywhere. It's perplexing. We aren't even allowed plastic grocery bags here!!! There's a national ban!)

"Ugetsu. You should come." "There's no point in seeing a show if the performers aren't even trying." "I'm trying! Hell, that's all I really have going for me right now!" Akihiko what's wrong with your roommate and also your self-esteem?

"Play with your new viola-playing boyfriend." "Nah, I just like his face." So they're not dating???? And Ugetsu's boyfriend doesn't mind them sharing one studio apartment and bed? WHAT'S THE DYNAMIC HERE

Mafuyu is better than me, I would NOT be leaving my place to hang out with someone I was fighting with in the rain

We finally get a boyfriend reveal, and it turns out Yuki was blond and they were macking in classrooms

"I get how you feel but—" "You have no idea how I feel!" "You're right. I don't." A fair point, Hiiragi really doesn't know what it's like to have a dead boyfriend

"Kashima Hiiragi wants to be forgiven. It doesn't matter by who. He just wants to be forgiven." Why is Kashima Hiiragi talking about himself in the third person?

Awwww we get a flashback to Baby Mafuyu and his friend group

"They were both missing something from the start. It was like they each had what the other was lacking, so Yuki needed Mafuyu, and Mafuyu needed Yuki." It's hard getting this childhood retrospective knowing that Yuki is dead

"Two days later, Yuki, who couldn't even drink, downed a huge amount of booze. And Mafuyu found him." So Yuki died of alcohol poisoning? Rough. That does explain the haunting dream from the first few scenes

"Call me sometime, you dumbass." I think this talk has been healing for Hiiragi and Mafuyu

"But more than anyone else, [Hiiragi] wants Mafuyu to forgive him." For not speaking out to Yuki? Baby, you couldn't have known

"When I talk, my dad hits me." "You know, I'm not your dad." MAFUYU AND YUKI MAKE ME SO SAD 😭😭😭😭😭😭

On one hand, totally reasonable for Uenoyama to say let's shelve the singing for now. On the other hand, poor Mafuyu, he's so sad

The guitar strings seem like a metaphor for Mafuyu's emotional state (currently broken)

"Say, Haruki. You can be a little more conceited, you know." Is now the time for stairwell flirting? Sure!

"Mafuyu, I like your sound. I was trying to give you a little push, but before I realized it, you were the one pulling me up. Ever since you showed up, my sound's been scattered, disconnected and warped. It's just a mess. But I'm having so much more fun now than when I was just playing the chords I was told to play. Damn it, what am I trying to say? I guess I suck at putting my feelings into words, too." Mafuyu took til the end to realize this was a confession LOL, he fully thought it was a criticism:

"But in reality, even if I really wanted to, I can't cry properly, and it hurts to bad... It hurts so bad I just want to scream. I always wanted someone to understand that. Even just a little bit..." Mafuyu is actively processing his trauma on stage

HAHAHAHA I kind of expected that Mafuyu would sing, but it is still funny to see how flabbergasted his bandmates are

Baby Yuki's litte glare as they take Mafuyu's dad away. The montage of their friendship and love. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this song is getting to me

"Are you willing to die for me, then?!" Top 10 Most Haunting Options for Things You Can Say To Someone Right Before They Die. Deeply rough for Mafuyu

Every High Schooler at This Concert Venue: So we're all thinking about the same dead boyfriend, right?

HAHAHA the way that Uenoyama and Mafuyu just immediately leave the stage for a sad cuddle, ignoring the rest of their setlist and band. Wild but great

"Thank y—" [Uenoyama kisses Mafuyu] "You did so good out there. I'm gonna go play another song." DERANGED BOY KISSER, ALWAYS, 10,000/10ZO

"I'm not lonely. I'm having fun. I love music. I'm having fun during lunch. And I have someone new I'm in love with. If only I could talk to you again." Oh, Mafuyu 💔

"Yuki wanted to write a song for you. But you wanted him to say, 'Let's do this together,' didn't you?" Hiiragi said: Is your new boyfriend helping you resolve your past relationship trauma?

"A date? You never even asked me out." "Well, that goes for both of us. You never did either." Yuki and Mafuyu's relationship was quite sweet, they're really selling me on it

"Let's have sex in the bathroom when we get back." "Yeah. Let's not." HAHAHAH Yuki, so bold. I guess the shirtless bed scene in the romance montage wasn't for nothing!

After all those episodes, we finally get an appearance from Uenoyama and Yayoi's dad LOL, trying to help his daughter avoid an impulse haircut

Also, apparently Yayoi and Kaji did not date, he only gently let her down. Things are looking up for Haruki

"Man, being in love must be rough. Love?" [Flashbacks to the previous night and kissing Mafuyu] LMAO @ UENOYAMA JUST PROCESSING HIS OWN ACTIONS NOW. Also, this dialogue is another excellent opportunity for a Megumi edit

"My boyfriend was kinda surprised to see that side of Sato-san." Is Waka's boyfriend Hiiragi or Shizusumi?

"I think I was just hit with your band's passion. I want to see where you guys go from here." [Haruki blushes and hides his face in his hands] "You react in a really cute way, you know that? Wait, I feel like I just tried to make a pass at you." You did, Yatake

Poor Kaji walking in, I wonder how the stairwell flirt concluded

KHDKHHKJH the sudden narrator interjection after 10 episodes: "Uenoyama came to a conclusion. 'Whatever. If I'm gonna die, might as well go while I'm still young.'" UENOYAMA PLS

"You can stay a bit longer." "You're surprisingly pushy." "Just five more minutes." [Uenoyama blushes and caves immediately] Hahaha I'd say new dynamic unlocked but actually think this has been the dynamic the whole show

"Where could he have possibly stored all that sadness in that skinny body of his?" LNKGJLKGJ what??? This just in: Skinny people can't be sad

"My dead boyfriend's mom gave me this guitar." Insane reasoning for why you want the word 'give' in your band's title LMAO?????

"Would a CD work for you?" This is the only thing that has dated the show to a specific era hahaha RIP CDs

[Ugetsu, internally] "But that's why it's such a waste. This kid could be really big if he had the right kind of trigger." Kaji's roommate really brings a sinister aura everywhere he goes

"I like you, Uenoyama-kun." "Huh?" Mafuyu said: I am not one for beating around the bush

PLS I want more scenes from inside Uenoyama's brain, the dinosaurs and gradient rainbow "It's mutual" really got me

HAHAHAHA they immediately delivered on my request with a more unhinged version of Inside Out, also taking place inside Uenoyama's brain:

"No matter how you spin it, hooking up with bandmates is only gonna cause trouble [...] I'd be totally against it, no matter what." Hahahaha not Uenoyama forcing himself to watch a mental video of past regrettable statements

"You guys are going to start dating? You're not dating yet, are you?" "Not yet. I just told him how I felt." HHAHAHA NOT THE POLLING THEIR BAND MEMBERS

[Bowing] "Please let us have this. We'll do our best." Awwww Uenoyama's so cute

HAHAHAAHA THEY HEADLOCK HARUKI INTO A GROUP HUG IN GRATITUDE FOR BEING ALLOWED TO DATE

Kaji being like: Alright, fair enough, the fact you're dating is partially my fault anyway

"But you don't have a guitarist right now, right? You don't have any friends, Hiiragi," said Mafuyu, in what was both a cutting insult but also an accurate statement since both of Hiiragi's friends were in this room

"How are we supposed to know what anyone born in the 1000s was thinking?" NOT BORN IN THE 1000S HAHAHAH. All of the adults looks of horror. Been there, baby

This birthday pie reminds me that there was a time in my life where being pied was more of an active threat than it is now. Times, they change

"You're in love, aren't you? What kind of girl is she?" A six foot tall, burly and pierced man named Akihiko Kaji

Also, both Kaji and Haruki are bi! Love that for them. This band is somewhere between 1/2 and 3/4 bisexual, which is my preferred ratio for bisexual characters LOL <3

"What kind of song do you want to write next?" I guess I'll find out in the sequel film

[zalrb]

hi! I'm the puberty blues anon. thanks for giving it a go! what did you think of the first season? what are you thoughts on the chemistry in the show and everything? i rewatched the show recently myself for the first time since it came out. it was my euphoria back in the day lmao and going back to it after euphoria's made waves, i would take it over euphoria any day lol.

Yes, as I was watching it, I was like, this covers the ground that Euphoria covers and does it way more successfully and then I mourned television of the 2000s and 2010s for the umpteenth time.

I quite enjoyed the way the show got steadily darker with the themes that they were exploring, like the first episode I was kind of like, well, this is for the most part innocuous teen stuff where they're stealing cigarettes and they're trying to get Cheryl and Vicki etc. to notice them and they're talking about boys and they put themselves in the same proximity as their goal group but there is also a sense of unease and you see glimpses of things like the casual racism among the adults, the casual sexism with the insults the teens throw at each other and and then the show hints at something darker with that scene in the parking lot and Sue and Debbie are basically like well that girl had it coming if she's hanging out with Straccy so *shrugs* and then the second episode builds upon that especially with the way it ends on the beach and then of course once they're in the group, the show pulls no punches and it's just presenting what this world is, which is not glamorous by any means and pretty disturbing.

And I mean, this wasn't exactly my high school experience but it did remind me of a few things, like when the girls sit on the beach and watch the boys surf and they have the food and they can't eat until the boys come in, I remember my first year of high school, we girls would spend our lunch hour in the gallery watching the senior boys basketball team practice and we weren't allowed to eat in the gym so we had to choose whether or not we wanted lunch or we wanted to be in the gallery in the off chance one of the older boys would notice us being there and then I remember one time I was like fuck this, I'm hungry, I'm not going to the gallery today and my friend group was like W H A T. So it definitely brought me back to uncomfortable things about high school and even junior high --- like in grade eight we would spend our lunch hour going over to the high school to see if the guys would notice us --- in a way Euphoria absolutely didn't. Like this is the most high school dialogue ever, and Euphoria would never

And I thought there was a lot of care in showing how this social circle works, how the girls are exploited, in a way that was unapologetic without being exploitative itself.

The heart of the show is absolutely Sue and Debbie and their chemistry was fantastic,

their friendship was really beautiful to watch

and also reminded me of being a teenager and spending like 4 hours on the phone with my best friend and then talking online and then talking at school and just wanting to do everything with each other and my mom being like, GET OFF. THE PHONE.

My favourite scene of the show was also the one I found to be the most heartbreaking, which is them holding hands before pairing off with Danny and Bruce

and Frieda watching the connection the two of them have while she's enduring the van

(which is also why my second favourite scene is the finale when Sue and Debbie rescue Frieda from the van)

Gary and Debbie also had great chemistry and a lot of sweet moments and showing how their relationship was in comparison to Sue and Danny or in comparison to any of the other relationships on the show definitely heightened what was unique about them

though I didn't root for them because Gary was the best of the boys but he wasn't exactly great and I understood that he was going through stuff at home, though his home life, while sad, still had me in a very

mindset, which again, I understood part of his arc was him confronting whether or not he was exactly like his father but still.

[our-transmasculine-experience]

hello, it is currently Early AM and i just found your blog and now im gonna ramble about my transmasc experience loll.

----

i ended up coming out in like 7th grade, but figured out i was trans in like the middle of 6th. however, in 5th grade i had an experience that in hindsight is VERY transmasc lmao.

when i was little i had a pixie cut bc i was a Lil Gay Girl and so i had to look the part (sarcasm), and because of this combined with the fact i had a late puberty i was quite androgynous.

there was a substitute teacher for class that day, and so she didnt know who all the kids were very well. this caused her to mistake me for a guy, which made me feel weirdly happy? at the time i brushed it off as just finding it funny but in hindsight its because i WAS a guy haha.

----

the first time i remember getting bad gender dysphoria (help why did dysphoria autocorrect to diarrhea) was half way through the 6th grade. i was going through puberty and so i had developed a bit of a chest, as afab people tend to do.

it was winter at the time and so i was wearing a jacket because midwestern winters are Cold. i was doing my work like the introvert i was, when suddenly my chest was inexplicably uncomfortable. i hated the way it looked. i hated the skirt i was wearing. i hated hated hated it.

once school let out for the day, i went home and started googling. A week later i was binding with compression sports bras and was spending my nights on baby name websites and the pronoun dressing room.

----

i am fortunate enough to have accepting parents and so have been allowed to start hrt. i only started in october so there havent been many effects yet, however one thing that i noticed is that my chest dysphoria has lessened. im more willing to take binder breaks and havent slept in it in a while as i was (admittedly) tend to do.

i guess im adding that last part to try and see if any other transmascs share that experience? i dunno its been wonky for my dysphoria to be lessened recently and i wanna know if im alone in that or not lol.

you’ve started your medical transition, it’s definitely normal for dysphoria to wane.

but i’m so happy that you have accepted parents and are able to go on hrt!

[lewyn-martell]

after s1, officially totally on board w/ iwtv. adored it much more than i thought. louis i am in awe of you. daniel i am in love with you. lestat you are the greatest little guy ever. armand your ways entrance me. i really really liked this show, but i want to point out some criticisms just once and then put them to bed.

back when s1 was airing i decided not to watch it because i knew how the story went and knew it would be a louis/lestat show and i never cared about it in the slightest. plus i saw the decision to age up both claudia and daniel the interviewer and i was very annoyed.

on claudia's end because you take away an incredibly fucked up situation that unfortunately is immensely resonant. being trapped in a body you can't do anything about to change. having an terrible relationship with your own sexuality because of it since you are inevitably at odds with the attraction you want other people to have for you and that is not something anyone can control. how to reconcile with being with someone that's attracted to what you absolutely hate about yourself? something that could make you see them as a pedophile? am i just a fetish? maybe people aren't ready to hear this but as a trans person (especifically non binary androgynous - wanting to achieve plenty of unachievables regarding my body) this would be Golden to explore.

and while they make it a point in the show, claudia has clearly went through much of puberty already. her biggest problems concerning it in a practical sense are her small boobs & stature and that she can't grow a bush lmao as if there aren't millions of women in their 20s who look incredibly young and have to be carded at bars. (case in point isn't the actress herself like 20?)

it's completely understandable that it would be hard to cast someone who looks borderline prepubescent (or maybe even cast an actual kid and have them play out very challenging and mature scenes), but it was a disappointment all the same. in fact i think - even disregarding all that, her character was still definitely not as strong as it should have been.

the fact that they had her acting like a young child when she came into their lives when she was a teenager with a pretty significant chunk of life already lived bothered me. her character already felt hollow. and the inconsistencies regarding her troublemaking ways and its consequences (including personal ones) depending if they wanted her more on louis' side or not. the journey her character takes, her decisions, NONE of them could be felt as strongly as any of the ones from louis' character.

and btw? kind of annoying how plenty of the scenes between the trio were Amazing by themselves (and with amazing performances), but the emotional configuration to fall back was not really there. why does louis love claudia so much as a PERSON?? we know why he decided to save her. but why did he continue to be as taken?? and more and more each year? i don't want to have to read some meta about claudia representing a liberation he can only hope to ever achieve etc etc. that's just playing with known themes. i want to actually SEE that on the screen. the personal moments that draw them to one another.

and sorry, like. not to be disgusting. but everyone knows that the thing between louis and claudia and lestat on all ends is not exactly strictly platonic. you've already aged her up so people can stomach claudia's whole... thing. now you're not even gonna do the weird gothic incest thing?? instead of just giving a couple wink wink nudge nudge-ing how much more fucked up this could be? (but actually not. we won't go there for real guyssss). this is a maximalist melodramatic gothic show!! why would you choose to be cagey about stuff that would make it more interesting??

claudia and lestat on the other end could have bordered on actually fascinating and being legitimately catnip to me. if they stopped being kind of one note about all the same-y configurations of "it's the two of us now (either louis and claudia or louis and lestat) and this one on the corner". i don't want to say there were NO moments of interesting dynamic (potential) shifts because they tried A Bit but like. maybe a couple times?? hunting together and the underlying jealousy of claudia loving louis more than her own maker (who is also narcissistic) does not Make It for me.

i want to see both why they love and why they hate her. louis should have good reason to see her through such rose colored glasses even when she's much more of a killer than lestat and clearly grew up just as screwed up. i understand he is an unreliable narrator and is putting her on a pedestal out of guilt, but both his true adoration (which should be there by itself with plenty of evidence of Why it's there, and only made more strong with the guilt) and those sparks of actual dissent between them should be more present. ditto for claudialestat. we don't have only louis' pov, we have claudia's too. we should be able to see both his love and his hatred for her in equal measure instead of this constant underlying feel that he is just enduring her in his life for louis' sake while having some fun once in a while. i love the fact that she is a formidable opponent to him, but i want her to be more than an opponent. i wish the trio was as entangled and fucked as it should be, but i found myself liking the dubai trio MORE... the one that has considerable less screentime and in which one party was constantly in the background. but the new orleans trio is like. lestat obsessed with louis. louis obsessed with claudia. and claudia a big question mark as to her actual character drive & nuances.

that also brings me to how disappointing it is for me that lestat is so LouisPilled all the time. he meets him once and becomes obsessed with him. i already knew there was a big chance i wasn't going to care about louis/lestat since i knew the gist of it, and unfortunately i was right lmao. i LOVE them both as characters. which makes it even more sad that i can't love them as a couple. i like toxic dynamics as much as the next person, but they're only as fun as the actual pull between the two characters. they are attracted to each other, sure. and for louis there is much reason for him not being able to leave lestat. but in a romance-sense? especially from lestat's end... well, i don't see it. it makes sense that louis himself wouldn't narrate all the little things that keep lestat with him, but this is still a Romance. and two people simply attracted to each other doesn't make it a very compelling one to me.

well to end this on a good note, the other thing that i said at the start that annoyed me (aging daniel molloy) was ONLY because i thought a byproduct of that would be to remove the tension (as in, sexual, romantic) i already liked between louis the vampire and daniel the interviewer. but knowing not only how they met, but plenty about s2 already i'm happy to say how wrong i was about that :D

[the-hype-on-tv]

imma list all my superman//clark kent headcanons just bcuz (feel free to add yours)

he loves oriental food, especially Japanese. he probably has bentos with gohan and ramen for lunch on most days.

his eyes are so friggin blue and bright (and i mean, like, this shade of blue but shiny), that's what his glass's lenses are hiding mostly

we love a clark that gets flustered easily. superman might hide it better, but he blushes easily when people compliment him and would probably be deadpan when someone flirted with him for the first time

he probably mumbles a lot as clark kent as to "hide" the superman voice, possibly makes it sound less deep and assertive, which also connects to the next point

it's straight up canon that superman has "super-ventriloquism" and can project his voice very far and even change it. some people say that's just one of his powers, but I'd like to think clark just was a theatre kid at some point and kept what he learned

I don't think he has lungs. this is random and i have no proof of it, but he doesn't breathe like we do most of the time, so it's clear he stores air somehow else.

i can imagine young clark feeling conflicted in his puberty after the knowledge he can see through people's clothes. like, one day he's staring at his crush and imagines how it'd be if things got steamy between them and then he accidentally sees through and starts panicking, covering his eyes in shame and running away.

he has merch of all the justice league members aka his friends, but got his own because when others visited his apartment he would have to explain why he didn't like superman

the first time he saw someone with a broken bone or some internal injury he probably didn't understand there was something wrong cuz it's not like he goes around scanning healthy people. so he either learned with time and experience how an injured inside looks like, or he had to take nursing lessons. possibly from alfred.

he can be a cat person. i know he usually has dogs, like krypto, but the fact he takes the time to rescue kitties stuck in trees when he could be idk preventing an upcoming accident or smth shows he really cares about animals too. actually, he did try to become a veterinarian before journalism, but dropped out when he realized he'd have to see the poor things suffer on a daily basis

he never went to the beach. as a vacation, not as superman. and when he finally did, he didn't really find it as fun as he thought it would

he probably doesn't own any sneakers. by choice, really. i have no idea what he would wear on a sporty outing, but I'm guessing he'd either go with his social shoes or farm boots. literally no in-between.

he probably doesn't use earphones//headphones when listening to something on his cellphone or laptop. I'm sorry, clark can be a boomer too

probably know how to crochet or knit for absolutely no reason. he was bored one day and learned it

actually, complementing the last one, i think he has a lot of useless hobbies. his kryptonian brain probably processes everything faster, including boredom, so if he's chilling in his room at the middle of the night and has nothing to do, he'll superspeed a sweater into existence and idk do some origami birds and organize his rock collection, because he probably has a rock collection

anger issues. fanon usually forgets about this, but clark has a LOT of anger management issues. he punches his parents' house, a random tree, his sink, his eyes go red and while he can hold it for a while, he needs to do something to calm him down. probably one of his 10040297 hobies

i do not care WHAT proof you have, neither clark NOR superman cuss. not even if he's repeating a quote or singing a song. he'll just say "gosh darn it" or "great scott" (i still don't know who scott is) or "heck" or "flipping". if his anger is too big, he'll just get physical instead, but he'd never cuss lmao

he doesn't have a driver's license. he could get one if he tried, but he's pretty sure he'd either wreck his car with his hands or join in some traffic fight or get deaf with all the horns

I'm still not over the theatre kid thing-- he'd probably be in chess club as well and possibly, possibly play d&d with his friends. he probably was obsessed about it when it first came out.

he probably doesn't know many songs by heart, except for the ones his friends like.

you cannot convince me this man doesn't know how to play an acoustic guitar. I'm not being stereotypical with the country boy theme, i swear, but clark just looks like he's one of those friends who would take a guitar to a party or camp with his friends and hit some notes. again, from songs they know

[cloverlink]

/chin on hands I would like to hear about Jak X and why it's your favorite! If you're up for it/don't mind.

OMG YES *OPENS PANDORA'S BOX*

sO I played this game when I was like 8-9-10 y/o. I met the saga through The Lost Frontier lmao but my English was very bad so I couldn't play much of the game and sent my dad to change it. iirc, the game he came back with was Jak X, if not then I got it another time I went to the store and said "surprise me".

since I had tried googling about TLF to help me pass the game, I got familiarized with the rest of the games as well. I had a (very) vague idea of the story through amvs and fanmade content. so then I got to play the game, the story was much shorter cuz it was only one game, and the playing mechanics were basically Mario kart (which I had played a lot previously) so I had a way easier time understanding things. I guess that made me closer to this game in particular. Also I asked the store for the main trilogy but they could never get them.

Plus I actually replayed it a dozen times cause of the fucking save file corruption bug, it was years of frustration cause I could never reach the end of the game without losing my progress. I eventually got a second memory card and tried again, this time with a strategy of cloning the save on each card. But by that time I had already watched the cutscenes on YouTube cause I genuinely thought I could never do it on my own. Still, getting to finish the game was like a life goal being achieved

Tldr years long frustration + learning to like bad guys lmao

NOW since I was a small kid I haTED Mizo's crew with a passion cause they were evil bad guys and that was all I could see. I had a special hate spot for Razer and UR-86. And the fact that I couldn't beat the game felt like they were winning against me and I was failing to save Jak's team from the poison. But then puberty hit and I admitted to myself that I had a crush on Razer LMAO and I became Mizo's crew #1 fanboy. Before I realized I was thinking of backstories, headcanons, ships, self inserting myself on the team or as their rival who ends up warming up to them

I got to play the other games when I was 15 (it was around this time that I got to beat Jak x too) and that made me appreciate X even more because they really didn't need to go THAT HARD yet they did!!! and I'm so glad!!!! It gave us more time with Jak + a different side to him, a lot of depth in world building, character development for Keira (I had very protective parents so I feel her) AND THEY FINALLY KISSED OMG TOOK YOU BOTH DUMMIES LONG ENOUGH + that plot wist with GT and then the Rayn one at the very end holy shit

IT'S JUST SUCH A MASTERPIECE SORRY THIS IS SO LONG

now a lil on my love for the baddies: we get literally zero stuff from them except for Mizo's daddy issues and Razer's sassyness so this part is mostly me going full delulu. Most of my attention at first was on Razer obviously and I always love/hated him, I feel like I wouldn't stand him but God he's so cool. Then one day I randomly started adoring Shiv?? I just thought he'd be such a chill guy and started picturing us as besties??? Edge I feel would be Shiv's kinda close friend, we see them together most of the time they have in X after all. And then Cutter's the most reserved one, I picture him being actually really sweet but you Have To Get There.

Now I need to draw my self insert so bad omgggg

Also I can recite the Spanish version of the opening scene by heart

OK THAT GOT LONG ENOUGH thank you so much for asking I loved writing all this and would love to hear your thoughts on the game (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）