#who think deeply about the inner lives of wild things

[indigosepiacarmine]

a love letter to the fragility and resiliency of all the wild creatures of the forest, set to black pear tree by the mountain goats

physical copies available at my store

[elysiansparadise]

Your Saturn in their houses

Credits of the photos -> A quiet wild

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 1st house: You will have this calming effect on your partner, who will grow a lot as a person with you by their side. You will make them have a more mature vision of life and you will make them think and act in the long term. The relationship with you will make them analyze more about themselves, be more introspective and analytical of what they are and do. You will help them take life more seriously, have ambitions and be more realistic with their way of approaching life.  You will make them reconsider their priorities and become more focused and responsible. You will help your partner create healthy boundaries that make them feel good about themselves, you will encourage them to be more independent. 

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 2nd house: You can help your partner put their finances in order, you can encourage them to make the necessary expenses and not waste their money. You will teach them to be more careful with their money and to value what it will take them work to achieve. In the best of cases, you will help them with their self-esteem. Your partner will know firsthand that if they are going to be with you, the relationship will have to be taken with the proper focus and dedication. They will immediately know that it is possible to have a serious relationship with you. They will deeply value that unique ability you have to commit, being one of the values ​​that they will most appreciate about you.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 3rd house: You will give direction to their ideas, you will encourage them to think in the long term and take seriously the way they relate, and you will also help them to be clearer and more concise about the idea of ​​communicating and making their ideas known. If they are indecisive people, you can help them focus and concentrate on what is truly important. You will teach them endless things that they will find interesting and useful for their daily lives. In their eyes you will be someone very intelligent, sharp, honest and very prudent, they will feel that they can tell you anything and you will know how to keep it between the two of you. They see in you a counselor and someone with a lot of wisdom.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 4th house: At first you might have given them the impression of being someone reserved with their feelings. They will see in you a person with stable emotions, someone who is clear about what they want on an emotional and bond level. They feel that their heart will be safe with you, that you will take care of it and treat their emotions with the necessary devotion and care. You will teach them to take their hearts and feelings seriously, you will encourage them to improve internally and cleanse and heal their inner world of things they carry. You will give them a strong feeling of security and inspire trust quickly. There is a strong level of devotion and support on your part and they will always value it.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 5th house: With you they will have many lessons about their self-expression and ego. This relationship with you will help them better define who they are, their value, their talents and above all, you will help them take themselves more seriously. They may feel that they want to be more responsible, and in general that they want to improve for you and the relationship. You will show them a more responsible, attentive and devoted side to romance, a constant one in which you will not only make them feel good or loved at times, but always. You will teach them the values ​​and efforts of a relationship and make them feel comfortable showing this devoted side in a relationship.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 6th house: And just when things seemed unclear or stable, you came into their lives. Not only do they see you as a great support in their lives, but as a person who inspires them to work hard and never give up. You can put a lot of order in their lives even if you don't realize it. You will always give them strategies and comments that make them improve. They will be touched that you take their well-being seriously in all areas of their lives. They will have the vision of you as a very hard-working, dedicated and mature person, characteristics that they will find admirable.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 7th house: It is likely that this relationship will be your partner's first serious one, you will teach them to take the relationship in a committed way. You will give them a lot of support and loyalty and they will know that they can count on you at all times. They will turn to you to make decisions that they consider important. This relationship will make them have more structure and organization in their life. You will teach them not to have everything on their shoulders and that eventually you will be there to offer your shoulder and support them. This relationship makes them mature and they’re likely to consider marriage, especially if your Saturn aspects their Venus or Moon.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 8th house: You are likely to help them break down the barriers they put between themselves and emotional intimacy, you can give them that vibe of being someone who won't hurt them and with whom they won't experience what may have made them suffer in other relationships. There is a strong karmic charge between you, you will be someone who teaches them a lot and gives them a lot of support in their healing process and in their search for peace after the storm. Your person can become more spiritual and more aware of these sides of themselves that they need to work.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 9th house: You will help your person to have a lot of growth internally. You will encourage them to finally decide what they value most and what they will put the most focus on. They will greatly value your honesty and will know that they can always have deep and meaningful conversations with you. You will inspire them to act more positively about life, without forgetting realism. You may be able to help them realize their dreams even when they themselves see them as very distant. You can help them define their philosophy and the things in which they find happiness. You will teach them to use their rational side and they could feel the need to expand their knowledge. 

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 10th house: They will see you as a very competent and capable person, and they will be influenced by these qualities to be more ambitious, to work harder and to achieve many things. You will directly or indirectly encourage them to take on more responsibilities professionally and they will likely feel that they need your approval or to make you proud. They will see you as someone with a lot of wisdom, someone even very intelligent, and they will always see you as their greatest support and source of admiration. You will give them a feeling of solidity and they will be able to see you by their side for a long time, likewise, you will have a presence in their future plans.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 11th house: Your presence in their lives can give them clarity regarding their purpose and future plans, you can make them consider many things and distance themselves from the criticism and expectations of others. It will give more serious meaning to your friendships and you will likely distance yourself from people who were not the best influence in your lives. You can be a reality check for them, because you either motivate them to create plans to fulfill what they dream and aspire to or you make them evaluate if that is really what they want in the long term. You will teach them the committed and stable side of a friendship regardless of the nature of the relationship.

🤎Your Saturn falling in their 12th house: You will be able to help them heal and motivate them to change everything they feel should be different. Unconsciously they will want to be more reliable for you, more stable for the relationship and more devoted to the dynamics of it. Being the house of dreams, it is possible that they feel that by your side it is possible to make their dreams something real, they will feel your support at all times whether you are present or not. They will see you as someone who is somewhat lonely and as someone who is selective with whom they invest their time and effort. You will help them find their inner strength and that desire to move forward.

[holylulusworld]

TOL - Like a virgin (1) - Bucky Barnes

Summary: You need money. Hansen’s agency offers the right kind of trade.

Pairing: DBF!Bucky Barnes x Virgin!Reader

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, unnamed other reader (Hansen’s girl)

Warnings: money problems, sex for money, selling your virginity, blindfolding, sex with a stranger, groping, oral (fem rec), fingering, teasing, dirty talk, loss of virginity, slow sex, smut, unprotected sex, possessive Bucky, undefined age gap, dad’s best friend trope, Lloyd being Lloyd, language, mentions of past death of a loved one, fluff

A/N: This story is part of my: Traders of love (lust) masterlist

A/N2: It's also a request fill for my 16.666 followers celebration masterlist. Sorry, this took me so long. I'm working on all the requests left for this celebration.

Words: 3,9 k

“Do you know what you get yourself into if you sign this contract?” Lloyd Hansen, the devil with blue eyes asks.

“I need to money and uh…I tried anything else. I worked my ass off and even sold my car. It’s no use,” you exhale deeply to calm your racing heart. “The debts are eating me alive, and the only thing left that I could sell is my…virginity.”

He watches you squirm in your seat, amused, and aroused at the same time. “Aw, you’re a cute little cupcake. I’d love to have a taste of you myself, but I don’t shit where I eat – you know.”

Lloyd cocks a brow when you reread the standard contract he handed to you. “So, you will put me on your website and your customers will buy me?” You blink a few times to not cry. This feels so surreal and wrong. How did you stoop so low that you sold your body to a stranger?

“Kinda,” Lloyd gets up from his chair to show you his iPad. “We don’t sell you off to a random douche. I don’t want a cute muffin like you to end up under a sick bastard. All my clients are gentlemen.”

You nod slowly and try to remember every detail he tells you. “Okay.”

“You can choose ten out of my clients and, if you want to, a wild card.” Lloyd hands you the tablet. “If you choose only ten out of my clients one of them will have the honor to fuck you first.”

You fight the urge to scrunch your nose up. “What’s the wild card?” You look up from the iPad to meet Lloyd’s eyes.

“If you choose ten men and the wild card, you will get more money,” he explains. “The start offering will be one million dollars. You’ll get six hundred thousand dollars, and I’ll arrange everything for your safety.”

You gasp loudly. This amount of money would save you and allow you to live a better life. You don’t care Lloyd will have almost half of the money. He provides the hotel suite and will make sure that you’ll come home safely.

“The men will attend an online auction. They will bid on you. If you get lucky, they will pay more than one million bucks.”

“Wow!” You exclaim. Even if it’s the worst thing you’ll ever do, this arrangement will help move on from your past and pay your debts.

“Now, I’ll tell you about the wild card,” Lloyd sits next to you. “The wild card is special. You cannot choose this man, but you’ll get two hundred and fifty thousand bucks more. No matter who wins the auction. You’ll get eight hundred and fifty thousand bucks.”

“He’s not a creep, right? I don’t want my first time to be with someone hurting me or ignoring my safe word,” you wring your hands.

“The wild cards are my special clients. These men have my trust, sweetness,” Lloyd says. “The inner circle of my organization. It consists of ten men. You will find none of them in my files.”

“I could need the extra money,” you ponder. “You promise that they are not crazy or shit?”

“I’m the craziest guy in this organization,” he flashes you a smile. “And you are not scared of me, right?”

“You’re intimidating,” you shyly admit as you glance at Lloyd. “But you didn’t hurt me or scare me. You were nice.”

“Hah, did ya hear that, sunshine?” Lloyd yells, making you flinch. The door immediately flies open, and his assistant walks inside. “See, she thinks I’m nice.”

“Yeah, because she doesn’t know you like I do,” she puts her hands on her hips and glares at Lloyd. “Sweetie don’t let him talk you into this wild card shit. His buddies are the worst, and he’s the king of shit!”

“Darling don’t be rude,” he gets up to wrap his arms around her waistline. She squirms in his hold, giggling while pushing against his shoulders. “Give your man a kiss.”

“Not until you get rid of that mustache!”

“You love the mustache. It makes your clit all tingly when I go down on you,” he steals a kiss, and gropes her plump ass. “If not for my new client, I’d fuck you right here and now to put a little Lloyd inside of you.”

“You’ll take care of the sweet girl first. You better not pressure her into this shit,” she grunts and pushes Lloyd off her. “I expect you to be on your best behavior.”

She walks back outside and closes the door with a loud thud.

“A hell of a woman,” he hums and adjusts his pants. “I found her—” Lloyd clears his throat. “Never mind. That’s a story to tell later.”

“Can you tell me what the men will expect? I mean, aside from having sex with me.”

Lloyd smirks. “You don’t have to worry about kinky shit. The contract includes vaginal sex  - missionary, or doggy style. Maybe a blow job. Protection is a must. If you want it to be pleasurable for you too, play with your pussy, or think of something nice.”

“I’d imagine Bucky,” you blur out. “I—fuck.” You curse when Lloyd cocks a brow. “He’s my dad’s best friend, and a little older than me. Not a gramps or something.”

“Bucky, huh?” He nods thoughtfully. “That’s an interesting name.”

“It’s a nickname,” you hastily say. “His real name is James Buchanan Barnes.” You swoon now. “He never looked at me twice, but if I want to get off, I always imagine him.”

“As long as you don’t moan his name, I don’t care what you do to get into the mood,” Lloyd says, but there’s something in his eyes you can’t quite put a finger on. “Back to the options. Wild card yes or no?”

You look at the iPad again. What is one more stranger, right? “Yes.”

“Barnes,” Lloyd grins like the devil. “Hey, no swear words, sunshine. I got a nice little deal for you.” He grunts and mutters into the phone. “Would you just listen for a moment? A nice little bird came to me. I think you know her…”

“Y/N!” Your dad’s best friend jogs next to you. “Hey, long time no see.”

“Uh-hi,” you squeak when he wraps you in a hug. “Nice to see you, Bucky.”

“How have you been?” He releases you to lock you up and down. “You look a little stressed. Is everything alright? You know that you can always come to me. I’m like an uncle to you.”

“Uncle,” you wrinkle your nose. “Right.” You shake your head at the naughty thoughts wanting to force their way to the front of your mind. “I’m good. Really. Nothing to worry about.”

“You sure?” He presses on. “If you are scared to tell your dad, tell me. I won’t say a thing.”

“I said that I’m fine,” you snap at him as a woman gets out of his car and calls his name. “How about you go back to your arm candy and leave me alone? We haven’t heard of you for two years.”

You twirl around and storm off. You don’t need anyone to help you. Lloyd offered more money than you’ll need to pay the debts your dad left you when he passed away.

Bucky didn’t even know about it because he just doesn’t care…

“Pumpkin,” Lloyd claps his hands as you walk inside the expensive penthouse suite. “You look stunning.” He grins as you squirm under his gaze.

He walks toward you to hand you the iPad. “The wild card won the auction,” he casually says. “I transferred the town hundred and fifty thousand bucks to your bank account. This is the point of no return. If you want out, say it now.”

“I know,” you released a shuddery breath. “I don’t want to do this, but I need the money. It’s one night with a guy you trust. So…let’s get this over with.”

“On the bed is something the wild card got for you. OH, and he wants you to put the blindfold on. It’s his special request,” Lloyd gently pats your shoulder. “I promise he’s a good guy, and won’t hurt you, pumpkin. Just remember the only two rules. Never ask why they pay you for sex, and, never let them do anything you don’t want to.”

“Thank you—” you close your eyes and take deep breaths. “I can do this. Please leave me alone now. I need to get ready.”

“If he crosses a line,” Lloyd says. “You say Lloyd, and I take the door down.”

“What? I don’t understand.” You furrow your brows.

“Just say Lloyd.” He whispers in your ear.

“Lloyd,” you say, and the lights in the room turn red. An alarm shrills and you need to cover your ears. “Oh…wow.”

“See, I take care of my girls. Do not let him gag you, though,” he warns. “If he tries anything you don’t agree to, yell my name and I’m there in a split-second.”

You nod and give Lloyd a shy smile. “Thank you.”

“I make money with my girls. I don’t want them to get hurt or worse,” he says. “I’m not a saint or a good guy. But no one hurts my girls.”

You watch him leave the room and release another shuddery breath.

He’s right. This is it. The point of no return…

The gift from the wild card is a silky nightie dress in your favorite color. Midnight blue. It has a plunging back and lace-lined cups. It fits you like a second skin.

You close your eyes and count to ten to calm your racing heart as you put the blindfold on. It’s the wild card’s special wish, and you don’t want to piss him off right away.

Maybe the blindfold will make things easier. You can imagine any face, while the stranger is inside of you.

“You look breathtakingly beautiful.” You shudder as his voice is deep and rough. He entered the room without making a noise, and now he’s already so close you feel his breath fan over your neck. “I see you are wearing my gift.”

“Yes…Sir…” You breathlessly reply. His hands ghost over your arms, touching you gently. “Or do you want me to call you something else?”

“Hmm…” He hums. “We will see, doll.” You whimper at the pet name. “Can I call you doll? Is that alright with you?” His lips press against your neck, he nips at the sensitive spot behind your ear. “I need you to answer me.”

“Yeah, that’s alright with me,” you are already enchanted by the stranger. His scent is intoxicating, and his voice goes straight to your core.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, doll,” he wraps one arm around your waistline to bring you close to his body. His chest is bare, and you feel his skin pressed against yours. “I dreamed of doing this with you.”

“You did?” You purr and lean your head against his shoulder. “What do you want to do with me?”

“You’ll see,” he chuckles as you press your butt into his crotch. “You’re eager to get me going, huh? Don’t worry. I’m already so hard for you it hurts.”

He releases you and steps away to admire your wrecked state. You’re a panting mess, and your legs quiver. “Beautiful and so responsive.” He’s back on you to slide the thin straps of the nightie down your shoulders. The stranger nips at your neck, leaving little love bites on his way. “I can’t wait to have you.”

“You have me,” you move your hand behind you, blindly grasping for his hair. He’s a stranger but feels so good against you. “I want you to have me.”

“I know, doll,” he whispers in your ear while shoving the nightie down your shoulders. The fabric drops to the ground and pools around your ankles. “I love how you feel against me. I bet you feel even better around me.”

His hands cup your breasts. One warm and soft, the other cold and a little rougher. He gropes your soft flesh and pinches your nipples. This stranger plays with your body and pulls all the right strings.

You don’t have to imagine someone else. His lips nipping at your earlobe, and his hands, those skilled tools press moans and whimpers out of you. “Sir…”

“It’s alright, doll. Be as vocal as you want to,” he smirks against your skin. “Relax and let me take good care of you.”

“Yes—” you hiss when he meaningly tugs at your nipples. “Ouch.”

“You are a big girl and can take it, baby doll,” he grinds into you to rub his aching cock against your butt. “I bet your pretty cunt is wet for me.”

Your voice fails. He’s moving one hand between your legs and pinches your clit through your soaked panties. “I knew it.” He teasingly pinches your clit, igniting another spark deep within you. “You’re mine now. Only mine. After tonight, you’ll never want another man. Say it!”

His other hand rips your panties off of your body, taking you by surprise. You squeak and giggle as he twirls you around. “You’re all I imagined you’d be,” he cups your face and presses his lips to yours.

You’ve been kissed before – but not like this. His lips are soft and tender, but the kiss gets heated when his hands move to your ass to hoist you up.

You end up in his arms and sling your legs and arms around his body out of instinct.

“Your lips taste like heaven.” He purrs while walking toward the bed. “I bet your sweet pussy tastes like sin.” You end up on the soft mattress, the stranger on top of you.

He kisses you again, slowly, and sensually this time. “I’m gotta have a taste, doll.” You wish you could watch him kiss his way down your body. It feels like his lips and hands caress every inch of your body they can reach. “It’s alright. You don’t have to be afraid.”

The stranger moves lower, kissing you right above your belly button. He moans against your skin, making you shiver at the slightest touch.

His hands move over your thighs, spreading them wide so he can settle between your legs.

“Let me have a taste of heaven,” he presses a searing kiss to your pussy. “I’ve got you, doll.”

You shudder feelings his nose brushes your clit. “So pretty down here too,” he murmurs against you. His breath tickles your folds, leaving you wanting more. “Shhh…” He shushes you. “I only want to eat this sweet cunt out.”

He spreads your pussy lips, to look at your clit. “Ah…S-ir.” You stammer. “What are you doing?”

“Did no man ever put his mouth on you?” He looks up at you from between your legs, groaning loudly when you shake your head. “Good. I’m your first for everything then.”

Your mouth falls open. Why would he want to do such a thing? Isn’t this night all about him, not you? “Why?”

“I love eating pussy, doll,” he laughs. “And I want you slippery wet so I can shove my dick right into your tight little hole.”

You grab your tits, squeezing your flesh to do anything but lie there and wait for the stranger to rule your body.

He teases your pearl with the tip of his tongue, eager to please you. A shudder runs through you. You are so lost in his touch that you nearly forget this is about him and that he paid you to touch you.

This is not love-making, but a business transaction. “Please just fuck me…”

“Not yet,” he slaps your pussy lips. “I want you to be a good girl and let me enjoy every moment. “This includes tasting your cunt.”

“Oh-“ It never crossed your mind that a man could be interested in eating you out before getting off. “Be my guest.” You sass and spread your legs wider. “I’m on the menu tonight.”

“That you are,” he kisses the inside of your left thigh, caressing the soft skin with his lips and tongue. “But only for me.” He turns his attention toward your right thigh.  

He wraps his arms around your legs and pulls you closer to his mouth. “Fuck, you smell so good, doll.” You gasp the moment he licks up your sex. It’s a new sensation and you already love it. “Use my face, come on.”

You bite your lower lip. Can you do this? Lloyd said this is all about the man’s fantasy, but he wants to give you pleasure too.

“Fuck,” you nod and start grinding your pussy against his mouth, hoping to get more of this new feeling. “Please.”

“Soon, baby doll,” he purrs and flicks his tongue to play with your little nub. You wiggle on the bed, grinding as he uses his mouth to send sparks of pleasure through your body. You don’t think, just feel.

You whimper and moan hearing him groan against you. He throws your left leg over his shoulder, spreading you wide as he teases your soaked hole with the tip of his index finger. “Oh God, yes. Please just put it inside,” you become impatient. “Fuck…please.”

He laughs but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he pushes one finger inside, curling his digit inside of you. “Relax, doll. I’m gonna give you my cock soon enough.”

“Y-es…p-lease,” you can’t think straight. Your body is on fire, and you need release, or you’ll lose your mind. “Please I want you to…”

“Baby,” he purrs while slowly starting to fuck you with his finger. “Soon…I’ve been waiting to have you for so long.”

He adds another finger, now pressing his fingertips against your sweet spot. “Fuck,” you exclaim loudly. “Ah, there…I need… I want…”

“No,” you don’t get to cum. He scissors you open, ignoring that you beg and plead. “Not yet. You’ll cum on my cock only. I want to feel you fall apart for the first time while I’m inside of you.”

“Fuck!”

“Oh baby doll,” he coos when you sniffle, and slam your fists into the mattress. “I don’t want to be cruel, only to make it easier for you to take me.”

“Please, I only want to feel you,” you hold out your hands, sniffling louder. “I need you to do it now before I get scared.”

“Shit,” you feel his fingers slip out of you. He crawls up your body and kisses you slowly. “Baby doll, tell me if you want me to stop. We don’t have to do this.”

“You pai—” He silences you with his lips and makes you forget that you are only here for him to get what he paid for. “I want you.” You don’t know why, but it’s true. All you want is to feel him inside of your body.

“Are you sure?” He asks against your lips. “Baby doll?”

“Yes,” you blindly grasp for him. “Please fuck me. I don’t want to wait any longer.” You don’t tell him that the man you wanted to be your first would never even look at you twice.

“You don’t have to beg me.” He angles his hips to run the tip of his cock up and down your folds. “I’ll give it to you.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and a high-pitched shriek escapes your throat feeling his length slide slowly into you. He stills his hips, groaning loudly as your walls strain against his intrusion.

“Fuck, you’re so tight, baby doll.” He buries his face in your neck, murmuring your name as he moves back and forth, always pushing a little deeper. “Open up to me, pretty doll.”

It hurts a little, and you hide your face in his shoulder, whimpering any time he tilts his hips. “I know, baby doll. It will feel good soon. Let me just,” he breathlessly whispers in your ear. “I’m gonna make love to you, Y/N.”

You bite his shoulder when he slides all in with the next thrust. A whimper escapes your lips, and you claw at his back. “Shhh…you are doing so good for me, baby. I’m proud of you, my sweet princess.”

He wraps one arm around you and removes the blindfold with one swift motion. You gasp and dig your nails into his back. “Bucky?” You can’t help but whimper his name. “What?”

“I couldn’t let you do this. I wanted you for so long.” He claims your lips in a soft kiss. “You refused to take my help so I…”

“It’s you,” you cling to Bucky. “Not some stranger…it’s you…” you sniffle. “You’re here…”

“Yeah,” he breathes against your lips. “Do still want to…”

You wrap your legs around his waistline. “Yes…hell yes…” You grunt. “Please don’t stop now. We can’t stop now.”

He nuzzles his face in your neck and digs his knees into the mattress. You melt into his arms, knowing it’s not a stranger, but the man you adored and loved for years.

“We already broke all the rules, Y/N,” he slowly starts rocking his hips. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Bucky curses as you claw on his back. “My doll.”

He’s pushing harder into you with every thrust. It doesn’t matter that you feel like you are in a limbo of pleasured pain, or that you forgot the condom. All you are capable of is to stare up at Bucky as he takes you apart.

Your body belongs to him and opens up to Bucky like a flower finally deciding to bloom. Your core burns with desire for more of him. “Please.”

“I’ve got you, Y/N,” he sinks his teeth into your shoulder, causing you to cry out loudly. Something drops to the ground in the room next door, but you don’t care.

You rock your body in sync with Bucky, urging him on to claim you, and your whole being. Even if you should be mad at him for tricking you, you can’t. Not when he pushes you over the edge, his name on your lips nor when he spills into you, cursing your name.

“Baby,” he worriedly looks down at you. You are panting heavily and are unable to open your eyes. “Y/N, are you alright?”

“Yeah…I’m good…” 

Bucky slowly pulls out to lie next to you. He opens his arms and watches you lie on his chest.

“Why did you never come back?” You run your hand over his sweaty chest. “Bucky?”

“Your dad found out that I had a thing for his beloved daughter,” he runs his hand over your head. “I’m sorry. He left me no choice but to stay away from you. I had to keep my distance.”

“You could’ve come to his funeral,” you sniff. “Why did you leave me all alone?”

“I had problems with the law, and I was in the middle of a divorce. You didn’t need a drunk wreck longing for you,” he whispers. “I had to wait until I’m better and then Hansen called, telling me about your problems.”

“That fucker,” you grumble. “I knew he was going to trick me!”

“Don’t worry, baby doll,” Bucky softly says. “I paid all your dues before coming here. I just couldn’t resist you any longer. I had to have you.”

He lifts his head to look you in the eyes. “Can you forgive me, Y/N?”

“I’ll consider forgiving you if you explain everything to me later. Like – how do you know Lloyd Hansen? And what is going on with his assistant?”

“You will get to know everything.” He pecks your lips. “For now, all you need to know is that I love you…always have…”

Tags in reblog.

[eatmangoesnekkid]

My attention is almost always focused on and directed towards what I desire to bring into the 3D reality, whatever brings incredible levels of lubrication, expansion, liberation, discomfort, purpose, or fun, and rarely, if ever, am I focused on what I don't. I live cognitively and somatically in abundance in my thinking and feeling, and generally believe that whatever I desire is possible, no template or carved out path needed. There is not one person on Earth who I have spent significant time around that hasn't heard me moan, sing, yell, and scream. I command life through my Sounds . I decree through my voice. I energize through my deep throat (chakra). A vagus-nerve-tending life, as I call it, is a life of relaxation, deliberate creation, and play, that requires us to normalize using our sounds, to tend to our throats, to ‘will’ life in the direction we really desire through our vocals, and to deeply listen for next step instructions. I was told to connect to the water element to access sacred flow states, surrendering to the current and affirming out loud that the universe had a plan, and all I needed to do was relax at the water, pray and wave at the boats passing by. In other words, I became obedient to the universe, therefore I did not have to become exhausted and worn down because I was trying to force something to happen as learned. Instead, I allowed myself to feel safe being helped and supported by something (mostly) invisible and eternal.

My consciousness has drastically increased since publishing my first book "You Look Like Something Blooming" to crafting a new series of books, "The Melody of Love." Speaking with an upgraded consciousness required me to open up my crown through a purification process of slow deep circular breathing, eating real food mostly prepared by me, and channeling my "life energy" or sexual vitality with my heart in order to be able to receive higher messages and downloads. Through some combination of meditation, breathwork, chanting, sacred bathing, kundalini yoga, female sexual alchemy exercises, eating mostly organic, wild, or fermented foods, and/or spending quiet time alone or in nature, especially in warm sunny regions, permitted my 3rd eye to open therefore I could process the higher intelligence I was receiving without having an inflammatory response. And my throat chakra had to evolve to allow me to communicate the advanced messages I was receiving and processing in the simplest, down-to-earth fashion as possible to readers. But none of that would have been possible if feminine expression had not been grounded into my body over the years through root posterior chain work, calve work, and feet work that gave me strength and softness to be able to hold a greater capacity of energy and allow it to pulse through my body and psyche, you see. When your soul lives in a human body, this is the only true way "ascension" happens, from the bottom up. But I am also very grown AF. Not a day that goes by that I don't connect to my throat (pussy, or breasts) and feel the profound peace of the present moment. Like open my mouth and massage my back teeth and throat with coconut oil which also massages my pelvic floor and reproductive organs because the throat, pussy, and pelvis are all energetically and physically connected. What you do to one is done to all parts. Because one thing I know about women is that we live too closed. Our legs need to be open. Our breasts/hearts need to be open. Our spines need to be open. Our minds need to be open. Our hips need to be open. Our toes need to be open. Our buttocks need to be open. And of course our throats need to be open. It’s like women learn to be talk and talk all the time but we do not learn to open up our throats so that energy can properly flow into our eyes, inner eye, and brain, which means that we can finally ‘see,’ ‘feel’, ‘hear’ and interpret at the subtlest layers of reality again. The lack of real circulation is harming our bodies of their greater capacities. That's why the average woman has not touched the tip of what's possible in her body, life, and intimacies. The chronic negative thoughts have carved calcification imprints in her creative portals, made them hard and full of scar tissue. "The Melody of Love" books and school share how to dearmour the female body and unleash the raw multidimensional creative potential for every female body, the hidden, the regenerative, and the uncommon. I created my soft life (the real kind) because I learned how to live tuned in and tapped on in my body and mind, and I want to teach more women and other female-bodied people everything I know. Because when I do look out into world I see that this world needs us. More embodied women. High Priestesses. -India Ame'ye, Author

Only posted for 48 hours.....

[ikeasupremacy]

im seeing quite a few posts here and on reddit about how anthony lockwood is like an old soul in the body of a teenager and like i kinda get it??

i mean he doesnt own a single pair of jeans what kind of 16 y/o is he. he drinks his tea without any sugar in it, he butters his wife's lucy's toast for her and he refuses to wear anything but a suit out on a job. he gave lucy his deceased mother's necklace "just to match her dress for the fittes party" and he lives in a fully mortgaged house and pays bills and even acts like a fully functioning adult under pressure, as seen in lucys description of him on like, every job ever

but the more stuff like this i read, the more im convinced these things are lockwood making himself seem more mature to l&co clients or to market himself to adults; he's a boy who grew up too fast, his entire family was dead by the time he was 14. he had to adapt really quickly to even just keep a roof over his head (hence why he acts so much older than he is)

i think thats where we get the iconic lockwood smile from, the one that just reassures you and makes u feel like whatever lockwood is saying is gospel. lockwood had to perfect it to induce that effect to earn adults trust, how else do u think hes running that agency without adult supervision.

lockwoods probably practised these mannerisms specifically to make himself seem more mature because hes had to be an adult in order to survive. i find the idea that hes just an old soul so cute but its more of like a deeply rooted coping mechanism to survive than a character quirk

but we dont really see that behaviour in lucy and george which i feel like is really exhibited by how george still likes comic books despite being so under pressure with all the research he does and how lucy connects so strongly with ghosts, her natural empathy levels are just wild when it feels like lockwood's empathy skills are more artificially made and/or pieced together to adapt

lockwoods inner child is probably crying 24/7. oh his poor mental health

[bunchofstraydogs]

@nihilo-sensei Sorry for the late response, i gave up on writing lmao.

I see where you’re coming from, but to be honest, I don’t see BEAST!Atsushi and Kyōka joining canon verse ADA. B!Atsushi is, at best, unhinged. Far more than canon Atsushi ever was. Some things in our lives get so deeply engraved into our souls, that it becomes our nature. Beast Atsushi isn’t good, nor inherently evil, he’s just wild. Feral, actually, would be the perfect word to describe him. You can’t have someone as bloodthirsty, terrified, and unstable in ADA. They’re a detective agency that first and foremost have a duty to protect the public, not a sanctuary for the mistreated. While they comprise of such people, Beast Atsushi would be more of a liability, despite him being a far better and more competent fighter than canon Atsushi.

And where Atsushi goes, so does Kyoka, and that hasn’t changed.

For canon and beast SSKK meeting, i will remove everyone else from the equation and focus on these chuckleheads.

Beast SSKK doesn’t have the same dynamic and connection canon SSKK does. This fact mainly affects how Chuuyas would perceive the other two. And among the four of them, only B!Dazai would have a clear understanding of the situation.

Let’s start with Dazai. Beast Dazai is vastly different than canon Dazai. In canon, Dazai was set off on a better path by Odasaku. He’s also grown to care about people and doing relatively right by them. He also lives because he doesn’t want his death to hurt others. He has a goal, he has done good (he’s far from being good, though), and people depend on him.

Beast Dazai, on the other hand, while knowing the other side of things, is entirely whacked in the head and selfish. Obsessed, even. He also never had Oda in his life, only knew him from memories that weren’t even his. He is far colder than canon Dazai (not that the canon one is a ray of sunshine). While he did steer the mafia to protect people from the shadows, his only goal was to make certain that Oda lives and becomes the author he wanted. That, and to be friends with Odasaku, something that seems to be impossible for him. He never truly cared much about the rest.

Dazais wouldn’t take well to each other. I am certain Beast Dazai would actually hate canon Dazai on some level for getting to experience friendship with Oda and for “letting” Oda die. Canon Dazai, on the other hand, would at first look at his parallel self notice the sheer difference, the emptiness and darkness, and would see him as the biggest threat, actually. Because it’s true, his greatest enemy is, and always will be, himself. In this situation for a different reason other than his inner demons. Because who else can pose the intellectual challenge to Dazai better than Dazai. And this one in particular has the upper hand, knowing what he does.

Neither of them would concern much with Chuuya of either world, as they pose larger threat to each other.

Chuuyas, on the other hand, well. Unfortunately, we haven’t seen much of Beast Chuuya, so I don’t know how different he is not having the history with Dazai he does in canon. Nor do we know how he joined. But he appears to be the same spicy, loyal Chuuya as he is in canon. His disdain for Dazai is larger than in canon, but his loyalty is holding him in place and is aware that Dazai is above him. Canon SSKK are a duo, partners, equals, whatever have you. So the power dynamic is different.

That said, the difference in the Dazais is obvious at first glance, and both notice it.

I think that, the more those two talk and provoke each other, the more they realize how unlike the state of things are between them. That gets them even more confused and weary.

But to cut it short, Chuuyas would be able to coexist with each other.

Beast Chuuya would be annoyed with canon Dazai at most, but loyal to his Dazai and serve him in the end.

Canon Chuuya would fall into a familiar tandem with his Dazai to resolve the very big problem that Beast Dazai poses.

Beast Dazai wouldn’t care much about the situation. He’s not looking to cause a ruckus in the canon world or any tangible trouble for the other two (besides just mind fucking with them for his own amusement), as Oda is already dead in their world so any effort on his part is wasted.

And canon Dazai would hyper focus on Beast Dazai, of course not leaving Beast Chuuya out of the equation. But given the chance, he may try to play things off and annoy Beast Chuuya by “ordering” him around as he is his “boss” and tell canon Chuuya to be more like Beast one.

———

I cannot guarantee the accuracy of this text. It’s been years since I read BEAST and I definitely forgot things. It’s also been a hot moment since i last immersed myself in the franchise, so ya. Don’t take it to heart. Hope you liked it.

[mythtakens]

here are my Eddie Diaz specific wishes for the beginning of season 8 because the only way out is through and if I think too hard about where this season as a whole ended up and that bizarre lackluster finale I’ll have an out of body experience:

have this Eddie and Chris storyline actually mean something. if you’re gonna do this drastic traumatic thing in such a rushed way you have to do something with it. Could some time apart be good? sure! maybe! but don’t just have Chris gone and offscreen not speaking to his dad and never seen at all until they arbitrarily decide Eddie has done enough penance that he can be narratively rewarded by having his son back.

as good of a dad as Eddie is and as much as he wants to give Chris the space there’s still a big difference between not breaking down the door of a bedroom and a distance of 1000+ miles for months. let him go to Texas as the PARENT. bring Chris into the narrative. he’s older and more aware now, so have his decisions matter. have him face the reality of living with the Diaz parents who historically are probably not going to give him the freedom and respect he’s used to and let it become clear how different Eddie has always been in his approach to him… show us some flashbacks of Eddie’s own childhood, let Chris come to a deeper understanding of his father! let them actually talk about Shannon and what happened with Kim in a real way… let him fully realize his dad isn’t perfect but he tries so hard and let Chris recognize him as human and the value of what Eddie gives through that. if it’s about Gavin’s availability something like this can still be achieved in an arc of a few episodes if it’s given actual time and focus

let Eddie have a real confrontation with his parents about all of this. They flew from Texas to California in the middle of the night without a word to their own adult son and acted like it was their right to let a 13 year old make the call about his own parenting while Eddie was vulnerable and panicking. Without prior knowledge of the situation, without letting anything cool down. Let him tell them that was THE WRONG THING TO DO! Don’t have him get interrupted, don’t let them talk over him about how they know better, don’t let one of them drop dead while he’s letting his emotions out. Eddie always feels like he’s being punished when he does something for himself because, well, the narrative punishes him. DON’T PUNISH HIM.

let him tell Helena how deeply it hurt him when she said he was dragging Christopher down with him all those years ago and how this felt like a second instance of that, let him feel betrayed by the way Ramon handled this situation regarding HIS fatherhood and HIS son after all the time they’ve spent working on their own relationship, let him tell them they DON’T know better than him because he makes mistakes because they did too! let him tell them he’s a good father! let him feel like a good father! he is one!

if you want to explore who Eddie is when he doesn’t have Chris and only has himself to look after then actually do it. let him look after himself. For himself. don’t have him only be miserable and still feeling like a failure months later, don’t let him keep circling the drain just idealizing what he and Shannon had. Devin is great but my god… we need to let Shannon rest. As nuts as it was I tried to roll with the doppleganger storyline because I thought well, at least this will lead somewhere and ultimately be a catharsis even if it’s wild. but like then even that wasn’t fully formed and was twisted into a punishment and fresh trauma so?? whether he finally goes to some sort of grief group or gets to heal his inner child or whatever else, let him actually get something out of also making himself a priority in his own life and quit repeatedly destroying the ground under his feet and blaming himself with no end in sight

does Eddie deserve to get to a more mentally healthy place (especially after whatever the fuck all that was)? yeah! is healing linear? absolutely not, and I do love that this show doesn’t shy away from that with everyone’s respective trauma. but mental health is also not a game of punishments and rewards where keeping his own son around is what he gets for whatever passes for model behavior as decided by his parents and an emotional teenager. nobody has to earn the right to love or happiness or to keep raising their own child by sanding down all of their jagged edges and they’re usually very good about showing that so give him that same grace

okay this isn’t Eddie but literally fucking stop… repeatedly torturing Hen and Karen and their children. Stop it. stop. Right now. Stop.

kill Gerrard in a sharknado

[daemians-n-daemons]

Dæmonism 101 - Three methods to interact with your dæmon

If you are interested in trying daemonism, if you've watched or read His Dark Materials and wanted to have a daemon of your own, but you are not sure where to start. This post is for you.

I'll give you three methods to start interacting with your daemon. You don't need any special abilities to do this, though it comes more naturally to some and takes more effort for others. I'm sure there are other methods too, these are just a few things you can try.

Method 1: Replying to your inner monologue

Do you sometimes have a sort of little voice at the back of your head telling you things like “you really should be going to bed or you’ll have a hard time tomorrow”? Have you ever met someone who seemed really nice, but something in your gut seemed to communicate to you that you should be cautious? If yes, try replying to these thoughts and feelings as if they were your daemon. Instead of just letting them sit there or not commenting on them, try to engage. For example: 

“You really should be going to bed or you’ll have a hard time tomorrow.” “One last game? Please? After I promise I’m going to bed.”

To the gut feeling example above, you could reply: “I hear you, I will be careful. What's making you cautious?”

You might not get a response immediately, but the more you reply and listen for a response, the more likely you are to get a response back. These could be in the form of words, feelings or concepts. With this method, you’ll hopefully become more aware of these background thoughts and feelings and they can develop into your daemon the more you interact with them. 

Method 2: Visualization meditation

If you like meditation and you have a good mind's eye, you could try this method to meet your daemon. Set some time and space in calmness, turn off your phone, put on some music if you want, make yourself comfortable sitting or laying down. Take time to breathe deeply and purposefully, in and out. Relax your muscles one at a time, from head to toes. Imagine a light (or golden dust perhaps) enveloping your body as you relax, making you lighter and lighter until you can visualize yourself lifting off and floating towards a door. Think about a simple space where you will meet your daemon, and open the door to reach this place. It could be a room, a clearing in a forest, a long road, doesn’t matter. In this space, look for your daemon and/or ask them to come forward. See what happens. This might not work on the first try, you may have to try a few times. Calming the mind and pulling away from our chaotic daily lives can help us find ourselves, and in this case, our daemons.

Once you have created this connection in meditation, it can be easier to project the daemon you saw in meditation or to recognize their voice outside of meditation.

Method 3: Childlike imagination

When you were a child, you might have had imaginary friends. This is typically a fun and easy thing for children, and this is the vibe we want to recreate with this method. Daemonism doesn’t have to be this serious concentrating on your inner thoughts or calm meditation kind of deal. Have fun with it!

What would you like your daemon to look like? A bird, a cat, a miniature dragon? Where do you figure they’d be? On your shoulder, on the floor, on your desk? How do you think you’d like for them to sound? A soft voice, a happy chipper voice, a confident strong voice? What kind of attitude do you think your daemon would have? Would they be serious, playful, confident, uncertain, loud, brash, quiet, gentle? Imagine your daemon and have fun with it! The choices you and your daemon make or the first things you try don’t have to be permanent. Let your imagination run wild and experiment with forms and voices and attitudes and names and pronouns and whatever you want until this comes easily to you. With practice you can both find what you like and don’t like, what feels more natural to your daemon and what doesn't feel like them at all.

General tips and tricks

Try different methods, you don’t need to stick to just one

Leave space for your daemon to change as you get to known them and they get to grow into themselves

Listen to your intuition

Follow HDM daemon lore when it suits you, reject it when it doesn’t

Giving your daemon a temporary name can help you talk to and about them and it can always be changed later down the road

Talking out loud to your daemon can help differentiate their inner voice from yours

Setting time in the day for daemonism can help make it a habit

It’s OK to feel like it's silly, you’re probably going to feel silly at first

It’s OK if it feels kind of forced or unnatural, think of it like practising a new muscle

It's OK if it feels like you are talking to yourself, because your daemon is a part of you so... in a way, you are

It’s OK if it takes a lot of time and effort, and it’s also OK if it works immediately

Hopefully some of these ideas get you started. Feel free to share other ideas or share how these methods have worked for you. Happy daemonism!

[sombernstarless]

It’s just dinner

Frank Castle x f!reader

Word count: 4,619

Rate: Mature

Warnings: mentions of death in a family, mentions of masturbation, lots of tension ;)

Frank stuck around and has no intention of leaving you alone, you just wish he would let his guard down a little more

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Taking care of a dog was hard. They needed to be walked, fed, and given lots of attention otherwise, they become a nuisance. Bubba, a name you insisted on but Frank despised, wasn’t necessarily high maintenance. In fact, he’s probably the dog every owner wishes for, but you weren’t exactly used to having to care for another living breathing thing. You’d trip over him on your way to the bathroom if he slept a little too close to your bed at night. Anytime you unlocked the door after a long day at work, Bubba barked bloody murder until he realized it was you and not another strange man trying to break in again.

And a strange man Frank Castle was.

Though he finally listened to you about the parking spot, he almost always refused your advances whenever you invited him inside. Part of you thinks he felt bad for spooking you those first two encounters, but the other part wasn’t quite sure what his problem was. He claimed now that he knew he hadn’t put you in any imminent danger and he had someplace to keep watch in case someone had seen the two of you together, he didn’t want to do any more damage. You almost believed it, but Frank was more complicated than that.

He could have easily decided to be done with you. Nothing was stopping him from getting lost in the big city and never contacting you again. You pegged Frank as the kind of man who preferred solitude, especially after the hand he’d been dealt, but he proved to be a mystery once again. After the first time you attempted to invite him inside for dinner, which more or less ended in you clutching your chest after seeing the pistol in his hand and him scolding you for being “careless”, the two of you created a code.

“I could’ve shot you dead, Ace.”

It took everything in you not to blush at the nickname, especially since the look on Frank’s face was nothing short of deadly serious. You would be lying if you said you didn’t feel some sort of attraction toward the man, but those were very dangerous waters you were treading. You’ve had some questionable taste in the past, but “vigilante” should be nowhere near your list. Still, you tremble a little when he brushes your arm leaving your apartment, or calls you “Ace” when he’s locking himself in his van at night.

It crossed your mind a few times to offer up your couch, but the idea of sleeping in the same room made your imagination run too wild. You tried not to think about it any further.

Except you couldn’t.

One night, when you dressed in a pair of underwear and a large t-shirt after a hot shower, you finally let your mind wander as you absently stroked at your inner thighs. You weren’t skinny; you thought of the way your large thighs ripped holes on every pair of jeans you’ve ever owned and how your stomach was rounded with soft, supple flesh that made high-waisted pants feel like hell. Still, frank had pushed you against the wall like you weighed nothing.

You thought of the duality of his hands, how they were battered and bruised from fights yet held onto your mugs like they were the most expensive things on the planet. You shuddered as you remembered the way he massaged his own neck, the way he clenched and unclenched his fists when he talked.

Breathing deeply, your hand inches closer to the damp fabric that covered your aching cunt. You knew you were done for when you imagined they were his dexterous fingers ghosting your clothed clit. It didn’t take much longer for you to come apart in quiet whimpers, then feel a wave of embarrassment wash over you after coming down from your high.

You were screwed beyond repair.

It was now Friday afternoon again and you scolded yourself for how excited you were to see Bubba and Frank. Frank began to take it upon himself to walk bubba in those early mornings you’d leave for work and let him lounge in the van all day long. Your stomach flipped as you approached the rusted hunk of metal.

As for the code the two of you created, seven knocks with pauses in between two, four, six, and seven. What it signified? You had no idea, but you were glad the two of you now had a system. It wouldn’t have made a difference for you, but you could tell Frank needed it for his own peace of mind.

Your fist rattled the steel door and moments later, Bubba was leaping at you from the carpeted interior. He panted ferociously and began lapping at the side of your face as you scratched his sides. Frank sat on the bench inside, watching Bubba greet you.

You’d made it a habit not to get into Frank’s head whenever the two of you were together. A part of whatever twisted relationship the two of you had created was respecting his boundaries. You only listened to people’s thoughts when you didn’t trust them, and for whatever odd reason you’ve created for yourself, you trusted Frank. When you saw the look on his face when Bubba’s advances finally ceased, you wished you weren’t such a trusting person.

“How was he?” you asked.

Frank had a grin so faint on his lips you’d miss it if you blinked. He wiped at his overgrown beard and huffed out a breathy laugh. Today he had on his usual jeans and boots with what looked like a grey t-shirt and a black zip-up hoodie overtop.

“Mutt’s got some nerve, but he was alright,” he replied.

“How was the walk?”

He shrugged.

“It was fine, tried sniffing on some people but nothing too bad.”

You nodded and tried not to make your relief too obvious. Now that Bubba has grown comfortable with both of you, you’ve learned that he’s actually quite social. It’s good that he gets along with people and other dogs, but it’s not always so convenient when Frank is trying to keep a low profile.

“You know you don’t have to stay out here when I’m gone,” you start, looking down at Bubba so Frank couldn’t see your face. “You’re more than welcome to go into my apartment and help yourself.”

“That’s alright Ace, I’m fine where I’m at,” he replied.

You knew he’d say it, but you persist.

“Frank it’s freezing out here and you’ll kill your van if you keep running the heat like you do.”

Frank sighs, leaning his body back against the wall of the van and pushing his jacket sleeves up to his elbows. His legs were spread in a way that made your head swim, but you pushed past the thoughts that started plaguing you.

“Ace-” he started, but you had none of it.

“If not for yourself then for my poor dog.”

He chuckled, shaking his head at your statement as you wrap Bubba’s leash around your hand. There was a brief silence before he finally answered.

“Alright, fine,” he caves.

You grinned at your small victory. Then, you tested the waters.

“Come inside for dinner? I bought some stuff for grilled chicken and tortellini. You can’t say no because I already bought it and it’ll be rude.”

Frank’s smile faltered and you tried pretending like it didn’t break your heart. You knew it was a reach, especially since he’d gotten so used to you bringing things down before you got ready for bed, but it killed you knowing he was eating alone.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea…” he trailed.

You shifted on your feet, remembering how sore they were in your too-small tennis shoes.

“It’s just dinner, Frank…Please?”

.

Frank became a puddle on the van floor when the word left your mouth.

It was embarrassing, how easy it was for you to convince him. You were all cutely disheveled after a long day of work and watching the smile appear on your face as Bubba greeted you was enough to fight the cold that began seeping into the vehicle. Your hair was braided back into two ponytails that were worn from the day, but Frank cared little about the difference. Even in your all-black scrubs, he was enamored of you.

There was little pushback after you said please. He was pulling his sleeves down and tugging his black skull cap on before following you into the building’s back entrance. He hardly had time to process the way you beamed at him

Frank couldn’t—he shouldn’t—be so fond of you. You were a sweet innocent thing that didn’t belong in his world. Anyone who knew Frank knew of the death and destruction that followed soon after, so why was he so willing to risk another letdown with you?

He tried to keep his distance. You had no idea how much it pained him to see your face drop whenever he rejected your offerings. He’d love nothing more than to sit with you on your small couch and watch one of the many DVDs on a stand next to your tv, sipping on tea because it was starting to grow on him. He’d love it, even more, to crash on your couch and watch over you because staying in his van at night and waiting on your arrival in the morning was beginning to stress him. He’d love it all, but there was a part of his brain still screaming at him to steer clear and save you the trouble. Frank tried to push the thoughts to the back of his mind as the two of you entered your apartment.

It always felt strange coming into your space.

You never turned on your overhead lights, always opting for lamps evenly distributed around the whole place. It made it all the more welcome, Frank thought. It made it easier to talk to you, easier to relax. He kicked his boots off at the door with you and he watched relief wash over your face. Bubba was let off his leash to roam around the small space.

Frank happened to be more focused on you though, or how your hips swayed in your tight-fitting scrubs as you rummaged through your drawers across the room. He scolded himself and took a seat at the kitchen table.

“How was your day? Aside from keeping Bubba from licking innocent pedestrians,” you joked.

“Still think Bubba is a stupid name,” he replied, leaning back in his chair.

“Don’t say that, he’ll hear you!”

Frank jostled with laughter as you tugged a few items free from your drawers, a smile plastered on your face. He could tell you just stuffed them in there to get rid of the mess. Oddly enough, it gave him pleasure knowing you cared about what he thought of your place. It made him feel like less of a charity case.

“The same as yesterday, and the day before.”

His answer made your smile falter a bit, but you were still glowing with joy.

“One sec, make yourself comfortable,” you said, padding over to the bathroom and shutting the door behind you. A moment later, he heard the shower faucet hiss.

Frank took the moment alone to exhale a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

He stood from his spot on the chair and began to wander. He wasn’t really sure why he got the sudden urge to look around, but he also wondered why it never dawned on him before. You had access to the most sensitive parts of his brain, a look around your apartment wasn’t a crime, was it?

He scanned his eyes over to a table up against the wall behind your couch. Frank had noticed the frame before, but never cared to look at the pictures that occupied them. Now that he was standing at arm’s length, he saw what he assumed was your family.

The frame in the middle was a picture of a young you with an older man and woman he presumed were your parents. You were smiling brightly as the woman kissed your cheek and the man had a hand atop your head.  What looked like a birthday cake sat in front of you and the flash of the camera had you squinting your eyes.

On the left of it was a photo of you again, slightly older, and this time with a boy around the same age. He looked similar to you which made Frank believe it was a sibling of some sort. You never talked about having siblings—or any of your family for that matter—but he figured the less he knew about you the better. A selfish part of him wished for the opposite.

For a moment, Frank thought of your life. Or, more specifically, how it was probably relatively normal before you met him. He barely let you do anything for him, he knew that, but he still felt like a burden to you. Looking at photos of you, seemingly happy with your family, made a wave of discomfort wash over him like a harsh reality check.

He didn’t belong here.

Frank nearly jumped out of his skin when the bathroom door opened. Luckily you were more focused on getting your clothes put away to notice the shock on his face. He tried to play it cool as you tossed the black scrubs into your dirty clothes basket in the corner by your bed.

“What sauce would you prefer?” you asked. “I’ve got vodka and alfredo.”

The man stared blankly for a moment before answering. You had changed into a pair of grey yoga pants and a sage green oversized sweater. Your socked feet shuffled across the room as you moved swiftly past him. A cloud of whatever vanilla lotion or perfume you had on wafted past his nose. You smelled so good it almost made him hum. Your hair was now wetly brushed back into a bun, probably so it would stay out of your way as you cooked.

“I’ve been eating beans out of a can for a while, Ace,” he replied gruffly. “I’ll eat whichever you prefer.”

“Vodka it is.”

Frank was amazed as you floated around the kitchen. He hadn’t cooked in ages, but he was sure he was never as graceful as the way you were before him. Granted, he was a shitty cook, but you cooked like you’d been born chopping onions.

Frank took notice of the pre-seasoned chicken and already laid out ingredients. He didn’t let himself think too hard about how you would have been sadly storing the extra chicken in the fridge had he not agreed to dine with you.

He offered to help, but you insisted he stay out of the way and relax with Bubba. He felt a little awkward sitting on the couch, watching you grill chicken and stir boiling tortellini every so often. Bubba took some of the tension away by giving him something to do with his hands, but he couldn’t help sneaking glances at you in between belly pats.

Your drying hair curled at the nape of your neck as you hummed a song playing on your phone. Your back was turned to him and he took the moment to admire your figure.

A part of the reason Frank never fully lets himself relax around you is that he feels something almost primal when he sees you. He was attracted to you and he hated to admit it. You had a figure that made him want to scream and it almost felt like teasing the way your sweater just barely covered your round ass. He was awarded a sliver of your midriff every so often when you had to reach for something on the top shelf.

Frank knew it was a line he couldn’t cross. It would be too messy to get involved with you. He knew it was bad even to entertain the idea, yet he would catch himself dozing off in his van imagining the day he finally stays the entire night. What would you let him do?

“Frank?’ you called, startling him out of his daydream.

“Hm?” he replied. He blinked rapidly, glancing at his hands and then back to your face.

“What to drink?... I’ve got water, lemonade, or ginger ale.”

You looked at him a bit puzzled, but didn’t question him about it.

“I-um-water, please.”

.

You and Frank had moved to the couch after your meal. Since you hadn’t allowed him to help cook, he insisted on doing the dishes while you relaxed on the sofa. You usually despised cleaning after cooking, so you didn’t put up much of a fight when he started shooing you out of the kitchen.

Partially, you believed he just needed something to do with his hands because he felt a little guilty about watching you make him a meal. If only you could somehow subtly tell him you didn’t mind at all.

He had asked you about your family while the two of you ate. You weren’t shy with the details while he shoveled forkfuls of pasta into his mouth.

You told him about your parents and brother and sister. You told him about what it was like growing up and how your dad was the one to tell you about guns. If he was bored at all by your talking, he didn’t show it on his face. Somewhere in between words, you began to realize it had been a while since you had a full conversation about your personal life.

You had coworkers and casual interactions over social media with people you hadn’t seen since you left your hometown, but nothing as intimate as dinner and stories from your childhood. He was only giving you more reasons to let your guard down and it scared you more than anything.

Now, you were watching the man in your kitchen—elbows deep in the stainless steel sink—clean the dishes as his jaw worked in concentration.

Bubba had turned into his cage for the night, so you were forced to pick at your nails as you tried not to let your gaze linger. At least with bubba by your side, you wouldn’t have looked like a lunatic.

When Frank sat the final dish on the drying rack, you had adjusted in trying to rid your posture of any evidence that you were staring. He took a seat next to you on the couch with a small grunt.

This was usually the part where he made up some excuse to leave and bid you goodnight, but he made no move for his combat boots. You were a little anxious that he would want to leave, but tension left your body when you saw the way he got comfortable. As if he were letting the couch consume him and preparing to actually enjoy your company.

“I have a question,” he said.

You nodded, signaling him to continue. Anything to get rid of the awkward silence.

“Thanksgiving is in what…two days?” he asked, “shouldn’t you be home with your family?”

“Usually I would be, but the rates on our building just went up. I wouldn’t have been able to afford next month if I took the time off.”

He hummed in response, but it wasn’t exactly out of understanding. He had a frown on his face and couldn’t look you in the eye.

“What, you don’t believe me?” you teased.

“I don’t know, you don’t really seem upset by it is all,” he responded, his eyes flickering to you momentarily.

You shrugged your shoulders a little before averting your eyes to the coffee table in front of you. He wasn’t exactly wrong, and it wasn’t a topic you could avoid for much longer. Frank hasn’t known a lick of privacy since his trial, so the least you could do is make him feel more comfortable in his grief.

“My dad um…” your voice trailed.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him shift to face you completely. The arm he had propped up on the couch’s armrest fell to his lap before he crossed both of them over his chest.

“He died a couple of years ago, a pretty bad car crash,” you finished, clearing your throat at the end.

Frank nodded in understanding, if anyone would understand it was sure to be him.

“There were no other cars involved and the coroner’s report said he was pretty intoxicated. The car was um–it wrapped around a pole.”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to uh-”

“It’s fine, really,” you interrupted, shaking yourself out of your momentary trance. “If anything we should talk about it more. My mom and I, I mean.”

The time after your father’s passing was bleak. Your two siblings had come up to help with the arrangements because your mother was still in shock. For the entire time your brother and sister were home, you all danced around her and avoided saying his name.

She slept in his flannels and had his favorite Johnny Cash CD on replay for hours. When she wasn’t listening to “Even Cowgirls Get the Blues”, she was out in his workshed with a thick blanket and a space heater, staring out the window at the falling December snow. It was only after you all felt comfortable enough to leave her alone that you finally started looking at jobs and apartments in the city.

“After the whole funeral ordeal, my mom and I sort of drifted apart. My sister and her husband had moved back to my hometown to be closer to her so I decided to leave.”

Your voice hadn’t faltered once. You wondered what he may have thought of you for leaving her. It took you a while to stop feeling guilty.

“I think I just reminded her too much of him.”

When you dared a look at him, his features were the softest you’ve ever seen them. It was a sad kind of look that made you feel sick and like you wanted to cry, but you bit back the tears that threatened to fall.

“What are you thinking?” you asked.

“Can’t you see for yourself?” he asked, seldom humor in his voice.

Witty banter had left you both.

“I don’t do that with you anymore.”

He quirked an eyebrow at your response. You decided to take it a step further

“For some reason I can’t explain, I seem to trust you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“But I do, you’ve never given me a reason not to.”

His tongue poked at the inside of his cheek as you turned to face him fully. Your knee was brushing against his thigh, but he did nothing despite usually averting your touch. He radiated a certain warmth that sent a jolt through your body, but you kept your composure.

“I know you probably think I see you as some charity case because you never want to accept anything I try to give you, but I actually enjoy your company, Frank,” you said. Your stomach dropped when he flinched at your words.

“I know you think that’s true-”

“It is true, Frank! I care about you and I care about your safety.”

You wanted to touch him, to uncross his arms and have them feel your beating heart so he’d understand just how much.

“How can you worry about me when me just being here puts you at risk?” he asks, his eyebrows drawn together like he couldn’t even fathom it.

“I don’t know, and I wish I did.”

After a few more moments of trying to catch his gaze, you stood from your spot and began to walk to the kitchen before you felt a hand grab at your wrist. You whipped your head to Frank who was now towering over your smaller figure. His chest rose and fell and he still had a look on his face that could kill.

He spun you so you would be facing him. His grip on your wrist loosened but never left. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you should’ve been scared for your life, but you let him pull you closer.

You could see his face clearly now. His eyes were a stormy brown, all accusing but guilty at the same time. He’d been hiding before, and now he was looking ready to confess. You didn’t make it any easier for him as you reached your trapped hand up to brush a loose strand of hair from his eye.

“I can barely sleep in that goddamn van without thinking something is happening to you… because of me.”

You pursed your lips and let your hand linger on his beard-lined cheek. The hair was a bit rough there, but his skin was soft and warm. His eyes closed momentarily as he leaned into your touch.

“If it weren’t for that mutt I’d probably let it consume me whenever you leave for work.”

“I’m a big girl, I can handle myself.”

He shook his head and let his hand drop from your wrist. You only let yours slide to his neck, not ready to break contact.

“Besides, everyone thinks you’re dead and you have a new identity now, right?” you tried reasoning with him. “No one knows you’re here and I’m a nobody in this city. The most danger I face daily is the possum that’s always digging in our dumpster.”

He huffed something close to a laugh and rolled his eyes at your attempted joke.

“You could start walking me? I know you’ve got this incognito thing going on but it’s only a few blocks away and I hate the subway. Plus, I doubt anyone is on the lookout for a deceased vigilante.”

You smiled brightly when he nodded in agreement. You nearly forgot you had a hold on his neck before he latched his hand back onto your wrist. His touch was soft and made you shiver before you looked down at your socked feet sheepishly.

It reminded you of the night before when you touched yourself and imagined it was him. Your face burned in embarrassment and you cursed yourself for thinking of it now.

“Don’t get shy on me now,” he said, barely above a whisper. You struggled to maintain eye contact when a look of realization finally hit him. He was no longer frowning, but he still looked at you a bit puzzled.

Frank squinted at you as you cleared your throat and finally let go of his neck.

“Is there another reason you keep me around, Ace?”

For a moment you thought you were busted. He could probably see right through you, but you decided to play it cool before showing your hand. You weren’t ready for the awkwardness that came after a confession. Yet.

“Is there another reason you came back after the night at the diner?” you challenged.

The smirk that followed nearly had you swooning. You tried not to watch his mouth as his tongue swiped over his bottom lip. He then poked the inside of his cheek with it as he took a step away from you, breaking whatever barrier he had built around the two of you. The tension in the air was palpable as you wrapped your arms around your waist, shifting uncomfortably on your feet.

You cleared your throat and finally spun to walk toward the kitchen. You instinctively pulled out two mugs and your kettle to start a pot of tea.

“Lemon and honey?” you asked.

You held the kettle under the faucet and turned on the water, letting it fill to the Max line.

“Sure, Ace.”

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[jamsine]

I don’t care if you think I’m a bad person anymore.

I used to let it eat me alive.

Every poor decision that I regret.

All of the amends I needed to make that I postponed until it was too late.

I had a lot of bad things happen to me.

A lot of those bad things happened to me when I was very young.

A lot of those bad things happened to me over the last few years.

I need to work very hard for the good things.

And to feel good.

To feel deserving of it.

To heal.

To figure out who and what I am.

What will it take for me to be happy?

To flourish?

And to fill the cups of those who I deeply care for?

I will never allow myself healing if I genuinely believe I need to be cyclically punished.

Sinking my teeth into my own flesh.

Breaking skin.

Thrashing around like a wild animal possessed my body with murderous intentions.

Concussion after concussion.

Brain damage.

Hurt.

There is no healing in self punishment.

Just blood.

I’ve gotten to know my inner critic better than any friend I’ve ever made.

Entangled in an endless cycle of sorrow and despair that I am all too familiar with at this point.

I am taking every stride to do and be better without treatment or medical care.

And I think that is brave.

To enter the void, all on your own.

To try and do better than the people who brought me into this world.

I’m still here and breathing and living.

Cleaning up the mess I made when I wasn’t so sure about a future worth investing in.

Trying to find the way out of my head.

Trying to find happiness.

Trying to find joy.

[nutty1005]

Ask not where he came from, ask not where he belonged. For where his heart desires, he will be there regardless

Original Article: https://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404914117688558033 Original Author: 夏威夷美令达人秀

If I had to use a word to describe him, I would not be able to think of it, but I could think of two poems.

“The pine has ambitions without disdain; the bamboo has principles that does not bend; the plum has a fragrance that is not arrogant.”

“One’s ambitions should become even more firm as one grows older, one’s will should become even more steadfast in the face of adversity.”

Looking at the entire situation from the beginning till the end, this was the quality he made me feel throughout.

He is not an otherworldly sage, nor is he a worldly commoner. The things he did for his friends were things he deemed as reasonable.

Willing to pay any price for a friend, willing to give it all for love, and later on he was even willing to do so for people unrelated to him.

I really wanted to ask a question, what were you thinking when you called home to your family to ask for money for her mother’s medical fees, was it more painful than losing your legs?

What is light – it is something that could nourish anyone, and shine into all the unreachable dark corners. But light is also something that everyone habitually takes for granted everyday after sunrise.

People would think of him in the dark endless rain, so he was always the person who would be injured, he was the one who faced the mines, he was the one handled the stolen hat, he was the one who rushed to block the robbers while yelling for the others to escape, he was the one who sat and watched as someone else stole his life, he was the one who was tossed from his wheelchair – it seemed like everything was him.

Halfway through watching, questions flashed through my mind more than once – was it really necessary to do this for them? It seemed that everyone gave him very little in return. He was physical injured from his back to his legs, to his heart, but he would still comfort others with a smile on his face.

He might have forgotten his pain after comforting others, but the news of not being able to serve as a soldier would be the place where he left tears of his lifetime at. His father’s death, teammates, friends, lovers, it was hard to believe that after suffering so many blows, he still had not turned to the dark side, he still insisted on himself and insisted on his inner thoughts, he adapted to everything by being deeply loyal and knowing how to distinguish the right from wrong.

He lived in the compound like his buddies, his living conditions were just as difficult as ordinary people at that time, he was also influenced by society, but in the end only Chunsheng remained unchanged. Everything else had changed, Hongjun’s desires had grown little by little, and Guohua’s personality had also began to change because of love and the social changes.

Sometimes when I thought about their names, Chen Hongjun (TN: Hong = grand, Jun = soldier), I would think his family wanted him to take the hard and simple road, but he ended up arrogant from his selfishness and over sensitivity, and every step he took was wrong starting from the first. Such a path probably meant that he had never realized the true meaning of his name and went astray.

Ye Guohua (TN: Guo = country, Hua = gorgeous) was such a grand name but his youth was only obsessed about small love and romance, immersed in the comfortable life given by his family. As he became 30 or 40 years old and recalled his past when he was young, he might realize that he never had any lofty aspirations, with an innocence born from stubbornness and cowardliness because of a wealthy family. Such a wealthy environment gave birth the innocence and straightforwardness in the siblings’ personality, which made them incompatible with common life.

Chunsheng (TN: Chun = spring, Sheng = growth), what is Chunsheng, “the wild fires could not burn it all, they would grow again as spring breeze blows”.

He had experienced many joys and sorrows in his life, and he had suffered many blows, shedding a lifetime of tears. There might never be a time more desperate than losing everything when he is in his early twenties. The dream of his lifetime, a past lover, brothers who he grew up with, and a confused future.

But after these tears had finished flowing, he would still chose to start from the beginning as before. In the few decades of time, no matter what happened to his future business, the first thing that comes to his mind was always to stand from the perspective of others, and to take responsibility and comfort them. Even when he heard that he might be permanently disabled, he was only in a daze for a short time, and then he told Xiaomei that he had heard it. To be honest, Xiao Zhan’s acting skills at the doorway is one of the most brilliant in my opinion. Not only It was in line with Chunsheng’s personality, and one could see his attitude when he knew the result for the first time.

Chunsheng was not a person who constantly accumulates all the negative emotions, and he would not talk about the same thing repeatedly. It felt too painful when he rode the train as he retired from the army, when he saw his sister, and when he saw his dead father’s photographs. But people are forward looking, and so was he. He was a little shocked at the doorway, and then he was dazed for a while, calmed down, and stopped feeling sad for himself.

So when he was faced with the teasing from few friends about him as a “disabled person” looking for a job, he just laughed at himself, and I could understand his heart immediately.

Xiao Zhan’s acting skills were also really amazing. He was being ridiculed by others, and yet he was still the big brother who protected everyone since he was a child. If he displayed any unhappiness, it would not fit Chunsheng’s personality; if he looked happy, he would seem mindless.

Hence with a little self-deprecating embarrassment, audiences can sympathize with his situation immediately, and the inconsiderate ridicule between buddies and the insult of an enemy also made him determined to fight against his fate.

Later on, as life got on track, and he continued living bit by bit in gains and losses. The perfect, imperfect, sad and excited, every bit and drop was the crystallization of his own work.

I saw someone asking why the Xiao Chunsheng and his sister were still able to maintain their marriages. Even if Chunsheng’s father is suffering from mental illness, he still taught the two of them to be bold, to place the country first, to always look at the overall situation, to be responsible, and to be loyal. Audiences could see the quality of the these two siblings at a glance and know that they could maintain their marriages very well.

Both Qi Tian and Hongling told Chunsheng, you are very idealistic, you are too idealistic, there is no one like you in the world.

However, I had always felt that Chunsheng was the most practical person, being able to do things that met his inner standards in reality was his idealism.

For a childhood friend who had been together almost every day, if there was a person who would be hurt in Hongjun’s conflict with the others, his thought was very direct, that person would be himself.

And when Guohua was about to be injured by a landmine, he knew Guohua’s character too realistically, Guohua’s weakness and helplessness would even cause him to do some other things that may cause him to lose his life, if it was his other friends who stepped on the landmine, he might have done back to seek help, but he knew that unrealistic fantasies will cost both their lives.

When Qi Tian injured others because of the medical equipment, he knew that avoidance and sophistry would not be a solution, so the first thing he did was to take responsibility immediately, so that the harm to others and himself could be minimized.

Chunsheng is idealistic, but that is an idealism built on realistic actions.

As a fan for so many years, I feel that Xiao Zhan is also an idealist who is shaped by real actions. Yes, every character will have its own quality in it, but most people are either idealistic or practical. In entertainment circle, people who are too realistic can make people intuitively feel that they are too eager for quick success, while people who are too idealistic cannot survive and blend in with the general pan-entertainment.

After four years, I could feel that his reality was not unrealistic or a fantasy throughout. This might be much clearer to me than other fans. He probably would still reply to everyone’s work before the end of each night. But no matter what happens, he would always be positive and encouraging optimism. In the past few years of the pandemic, who could encourage themselves, those around them, and everyone every day?

Slowly watching until the end of Where Dreams Begin / The Youth Memories, it reminded me of the first time I saw Xiao Zhan’s works. At that time, I was not familiar with him, but his whole person exuded a personable temperament. Under his still very inexperienced acting skills, I could not take my eyes away from that face and demeanor. At that time, he had a very handsome face. Perhaps he had not figured out what his acting career would look like in the future. At that time, he was still a very inconspicuous new star, maybe I paid attention to him because of his face or for other reasons.

But no matter under what circumstances, I never thought that after so many years, in the present, suddenly after so many years, I went from going crazy while working new fan to an anything-goes relaxed old fan.

My footsteps were to follow him and look forward bit by bit, never wanting to stay in the past, and my Weibo also rarely recalled the past. He had not gone to the point of recounting the past and recalling the glorious years. He is still pondering, discovering, and exploring the most suitable way of his own style while at the peak, and he will change to someone different from last year and the year before.

A few days ago Xiao Zhan was asked a question himself, about what had changed in the past few years, he smiled and said that his age had changed.

In the four or five years since he became famous, it can be said that he had always been one of the most talked about artist in China, and even “one of” is not necessary. Looking at his choices at each stage and the situation of each drama, those of us of the same age should have one of the same feelings, when seeking enjoyment, we would feel anxious, we would think about the future, we would recall our youth, and we would occasionally feel emotional late at night, but these depended on our ordinary and simple emotions when we were not clear about our lives.

He is already in a state where he could choose anything freely for his future, and he could even choose to not do anything. There would not be anxiety like ours at all, but instead he seemed to be more elusive and diligent than before. I could see his changes every time and I believe that he is more strict with himself than anyone else, even for after many years, I have never seen him complacent. Every time we meet on screen, it would be like seeing him for the first time. He managed his physique very strictly, he handles lines with ease within one or two years, and almost no one has mentioned the matter of lines anymore.

Most of the superficial acting skills that Chinese people like to judge are smoothly and silently performing micro-expressions + crying scenes. Watching his crying scenes for so many years change bit by bit, starting from taking on the burden of “The Untamed”, and then broadcasting of “Ace Troops”, the enigmatic Gu Yiye, to Xiao Chunsheng’s ups and downs in the decades of changing times.

They were all about the pain of losing a family member, when it was his Shijie he would cry out in pain, when his mother left him in Douluo Continent he would cry bitterly, and when Chunsheng knowing his father had left he would cry silently.

From the beginning when the three of them ate together as teenagers, to the recent reunion of the three of them as middle aged men eating hot pot, he no longer had the urge to be their big brother, the unfamiliar and subtle embarrassment of mature friends who have not seen each other for a long time, the natural acting skills, the movement of the wine glass, he had been completely reborn.

The sense of justice he portrayed when he was in customs in his early twenties was completely different from the sense of justice during equipment incident in the later period. He had captured the ability to cross time and space in his portrayal, and the ability to change the characteristics of age and location of his character at the fastest speed.

I could not evaluate how much he had improved, but at least I know I had almost changed nothing from the time I first met him to now. The pandemic has affected me for three years, and it seems that I had excusably stopped moving forward for three years. Xiao Zhan had stopped nothing in these three years, when in fact, he had more reasons to relax and stop himself than anyone else.

But no matter those who pay attention to him or not, they all like to look at this mountain and its height, wondering what is on the other side of the mountain, and they all think it is the Himalayas. When he was not famous, people would want him to be famous and have more choices. After he had become popular, people would want him to be more popular than others. Even if he had become the most popular, he would be given endless demands. I think even if he reached the even higher requirements again, there will be more waiting for him, not to mention he stayed four years at the top, maybe he would be expected to stay there for eight years, ten years, or even ten thousand years. If Qin Shihuang debuted, people would expect him to write a hundred improvement measures, and they would beat down his invasion tactics of the Six Kingdoms as worthless and nonsense.

As a person who started to get in touch with this profession without a professional background, not even in his youth, no one could perform and think for him, he could only explore and change himself bit by bit, and for him, he had never stopped changing for a single moment, more than 70 performances of stage plays, filming dramas for several months at a time. We never had to worry about whether he was coasting along, no need to worry about his physical status he would show when he appears on screen, he would always be doing his favorite job with a high degree of professionalism in every moment. In fact, he could even not fumble or change and do absolutely nothing, and no one would dare to say that he is unsuccessful.

He knows what he wants, what to do, and what he should do, better than anyone else.

In the past few years, he gradually calmed down more than anyone else. I thought of the 19th episode where Chunsheng’s legs were injured, when the patient next to him told him that Guohua had stolen his military achievements. I sighed when I watched it and that hurt a little.

All of his glorious colors had been stolen, possessed, and damaged, and that was by someone as close as a brother, plus the pain of physical ruin, what kind of expression should he have when he heard the news?

Chunsheng is bright, open-minded and loyal, should he smile indifferently like his usual personality, and show that he did not care at all, or pile up all of his grievances and burst into tears?

What I saw was that he was slightly stunned in disbelief at first, then with a little bit of shock, then he lowered his head and pondered for a while, and quickly returned to the original expression of pretending to be indifferent. After everyone dispersed, he was alone in tears and pain, thinking about his experiences, thinking that he might not be able to do what he loved most in the future, thinking that even if Guohua apologized to him, he had to comfort him instead, and let him live a good life as a soldier.

This was one of my favorite performances in all of Xiao Zhan’s dramas. He did not need words, exaggerated gestures and expressions, or any narration to express his sadness and sorrow.

After that, he still had to reopen his own wounds to comfort those who never empathized with him. It was the biggest change in life, yet afterwards everyone seemed to forget about it, and only he remembered it, and therefore his career choice was related to this experience, affecting him to want to help more people instead.

Oh Chunsheng, oh Xiao Zhan!

Who else would remember it except you, remembering the way you came here, remembering the pain you suffered, and when your legs are healed, you still needed to be successful, to start a business and to have even greater achievements.

But I still remember it.

Using a paragraph.

“We chased the dreams in our hearts together. We tried to hold the sun in the palm of our hands. I can’t remember how many winds and waves we have crossed. I am your oars and you are my wings. We remember each other’s youthful appearance, our faces full of pride. It’s you, and the youth behind you is all you.”

[foxymoxynoona]

To Kill A King: Cast and Scene

Banner and line break by @awrkives

To help with reading To Kill A King, here is a reference page. There are a lot of characters and since it’s an in progress story, I know it can be hard to keep things straight in between updates. I’ll occasionally update this with newly added characters or newly-discovered information about them. -- Story Masterlist --

The Kim Family, all branches

Donggun Kim, King - divisive as a leader, given to excess and outbursts of harsh treatment since the death of his wife but a competent ruler in enough ways he hasn’t been overthrown. Yet. Everyone is kinda thinking about it though. A volatile, mercurial father at best.

So-yeon Kim, Queen, Deceased. Seokjin’s mother who died when Seokjin was thirteen. They had a close relationship and she was beloved as a queen.

Seok-ho Kim, Royal Prince, Deceased. Seokjin’s 8-years-elder brother, died five years ago during the Therepin Border Skirmishes. A natural born leader with a successful military career until his death at 32.

Seokjin Kim, Royal Prince. 29, heir to the throne after his father’s death.

Lady Zselyke Kim, 39. The only daughter of King Donggun’s deceased younger brother. She has functioned in many ways, though without recognition, as the lady of the house since Queen So-yeon’s death.

Byeonggun Kim, Commander. King Donggun’s youngest (and only living) brother. The commander of Yeonhalbi’s military, rumored to have committed war crimes during the border wars. He is married but has no children. 

Namjoon Kim, 28. From a lesser branch of the Kim line which settled in Therepin and Sartia many generations ago. His mother Landa Kim is a Baroness and his uncle Gregor Kim sits on the Therepin Council. 

Mindeulle Kim, 22. Namjoon’s beloved younger sister, she has convinced her parents to let her come to Priva to befriend Nasimiyu and look for a husband.

The Dabo Family

Hamisi Dabo, Prince. Ruler of Marvono, he dotes on his daughters but has high expectations for how they dedicate their lives to serving the greater good. He is blackmailing Dulce for her assistance in getting his daughter onto the Yeonhalbi throne as a widowed Queen.

Simisola Dabo, Princess. Nasimiyu’s mother. Loves her daughters deeply, mediates and guides when necessary but expects her daughters to learn to walk on their own.

Nasimiyu Dabo, Princess, 26. The youngest of Hamisi’s three daughters, betrothed to Seokjin for the last three years. She has strong ambitions and progressive ideas for what kind of queen she wants to be, largely due to frustrations and boredom with her own life. At home she was the most rebellious sister.

Two elder sisters, each married with children, not met.

The Inner Circle

Dulce, 27. Originally from Paloma, she’s been working as an assassin for hire for many years. She and Nasimiyu met in a tavern where Nasimiyu used to sneak off to visit and have been in a sort-of-relationship since then. After “an incident,” her existence and occupation were discovered by Nasimiyu’s parents, and she’s been blackmailed into acting as Nasimiyu’s handmaid to help gather intel to ultimately kill Prince Seokjin and King Donggun.

Taehyung Kim, 26. The only living son of the handmaid of the late Queen So-yeon, he currently works as a stablehand in the palace under the protection of Seokjin. He is known to be a bit wild, restless, and dissatisfied with his position in life, not to mention those swirling rumors around his parentage.

Jimin Park, 26. Jimin serves as Seokjin’s valet and, in many ways, right hand. He is always on hand to guide and assist, incredibly capable, and easily charms those around him. He’s originally from Destin and happy to tell anyone who’ll listen about his luck in making it to Seokjin’s side.

Jungkook Jeon, 25. Seokjin’s favorite of his bodyguards. Jungkook’s father was a bodyguard for King Donggun and died protecting him, so Queen So-yeon saw to Jungkook’s education. Originally he was in the military but remained close to Seokjin and after saving him in an attempt on his life, was allowed to be hired as a bodyguard despite his young age. Despite his casual, flirty appearance, he appears to be very good at what he does.

Hoseok Jung, 28. Hoseok’s father was the main tutor for both Seokjin and the late Seok-ho and educated/trained his son into the role as well. Hoseok does his best to keep Seokjin on the proper path and loves nothing more than a successful social event.

Yoongi Min, 29. Yoongi is a talented cook working in the palace, around whom the prince and his inner circle often gather in the evenings to cook and chat. He has some ambitions to make it to head cook but also sometimes can’t be bothered. Seokjin knows he spent some of his younger years as a political activist and protestor, including some time spent in Marvono, but this is not known to anyone else.

The Court (Not everyone but notable members)

Miss Lidmila Aukem, 20. The only daughter of the Aukem family. Young and full of admiration for Nasimiyu. Very strong sense of justice, fairness, and propriety. Her mother Sukhdeep was a close friend of Queen So-yeon’s; they sent each other flowers from their gardens weekly, and Lidmila clearly hopes to have a similar friendship with Nasimiyu.

Miss Çiğdem Quincy, 20. Slightly more rebellious than the other girls, Çiğdem is direct and loves some good gossip. She is easily bored of pampered life, probably why she has been so enamored of her secret Therepin penpal for the last year.

Miss Afua Trevis, 21. A total romantic, Afua is known for saying just the wrong thing or really putting her foot in it, though her intentions are good. 

Miss Tasa, 22. Another friend of the young women, a little older but not yet matched with anyone.

Lady Anne Lapointe, elderly. An antiquated old woman who favors tradition and is strict in her expectations of the royal family.

Lord Téo Ascanio, 20-something. A young lord who goes on the hunt with Seokjin and Nasimiyu.

Lord Jothi Harker, 20-something. Another young lord who goes on the hunt with Seokjin and Nasimiyu. He’s the one who shot the deer but was too cowardly to fetch it.

The Household

Master Drin, Seokjin’s arms trainer. A former soldier, he now trains nobles in combat and drinks a little too much in his freetime.

Edmund. One of Seokjin’s three main bodyguards.

Master Boutros, a “game master” who lives in the caves and tends to the animals there.

The Nation of Yeonhalbi

The Nation of Yeonhalbi is comprised of several provinces, each governed by a local ruler who owes fealty to the royal family of Yeonhalbi, which conquered these territories many generations ago. Some provinces do have unrest around this governance. In recent history, the border wars along Therepin, Minsk, and Destin's led to great bloodshed and an effort to squash the questions around whom exactly was fighting whom.

Priva, the capital province and seaside capitol city. Major industry is fishing.

Destin, a very poor region that lacks natural resources to self-sustain, mainly focused on livestock. 

Paloma, the most distant region, mostly very poor mountain villages in between farmlands. Lots of small cottage industry, livestock, and farming. Massacres at the time of conquering decades ago left it hobbled and quiet as a principality.

Marvono. A wealthy region, very educated, warm weather year-round. Medicine is one of the strongest industries.

Rinsk. Area with many mountains and desserts, focused on mining and ore-works, very wealthy cities due to the mineral deposits.

Sartia. Incredibly wealthy, mild-weather principality and closeby islands. The vacation destination of the wealthy thanks to beautiful coasts. Easy living for most social classes, very focused on education and the arts.

Therepin. Conservative principality, the most religious of them all. Has a royal family that’s largely for show; a religious “council” does the actual ruling.

-- Story Masterlist --

[pelicantoes]

I just have to rant about Bakudeku. And since I have nobody who could possible, hypothetically, magnanimously understand (if you're pissed off about my misuse of those words, good) in my own admittedly very small inner circle I am forced to resort to this hellhole tumblr, so thank you for bearing with me. Because this is gonna be a wild fucking ride about my stupid obsession and deep feelings about Bakudeku, because it's fucking 12pm and I'm sleep-deprived, and almost on my period, and entirely too emotional and I have just read the most heartwrenching fanfics about those two, and I WILL make it everyone's problems because I'm OBSESSED.

Okay so, it's just the fucking rivalry, those two idiots have been through so much. And Bakugou is an absolute toxic bitch to Deku at first, but it's about the reasons behind it that make it work. The fucking inferiority complex towards someone who is quirkless, towards someone who should be lesser than him, who he knows is lesser than him, and somehow for some fucking reason he feels threatened. This kid wirh his helpful nature and his caring and compassion and always being so bright and optimistic. Bakugou loathes it because he can handle himself, but he can't handle the idea of someone being so kind in a world that is out to get him and that disadvantages and is even hostile to him at every single turn. Somebody whose literal dreams got crushed at the age of 4. He doesn't get it, Deku should be a depressed, cowering loser, but he isn't. He's bright and good. And Bakugou can't fathom it, he wants to crush him.

And then they get to ua and Deku has this crazy quirk and he feels lied to. And he must wonder why Deku would keep such a thing hidden for so long, why would he subject himself to the horror of growing quirkless when he might very well be more powerful. How could he let somebody like Bakugou hurt and belittle him when he had the power to dominate him all along. And I think it's jarring for him, because he probably sees the world as a place where the strongest survive, the strongest rule. And Midoriya hiding such a thing from him wouldn't make any sense at all eith that worldview, because naturally Deku would have wielded this power to gain more control over others, just like he did. And I think it added another dimension, because Deku isn't only kind because he's quirkless and therefore would need something going for him, he actively chose to remain kind that entire time. Despite the amount of control he could have had.

It's like Midoriya is a living embodiment of everything Bakugou does not understand due to how he's raised and that scares him, so he obsesses over him. In the same way Midoriya sees Bakugou as the ideal to beat. He has always looked up to Bakugou and his quirk and his power. It's a result of seeing him praised ever since he was a young kid. And Midoriya's obsession stems from the fact that he wants to be better than Bakugou. It's telling to me that it's Bakugou he wants to beat, not Allmight. Bakugou wants to beat Allmight, he wants to be the best, but Midoriya wants to beat the person he's always idealized and seen as the best, up close and personal. The best in his generation, not the current number 1 hero who will have retired by the time they're proheroes.

Ans there's just always this push and pull between them, they are always áware of the other's movements. They unlock in eachother a type of vulnerability that neither of them have with any of the characters, a kind of bond I have not often seen in any media. It's so raw and unfltered, it's wanting to beat the other, proving to the world they're the best, but it's also deeply intimate. Even though they would fight and taunt and jab at eachother, they trust eachother, they rely on eachother to keep them going. They would feel lost without the other, it's like they're eachother's motivation to improve, but most importantly to live. I think their bond runs so deep that their life might loose all meaning if the other dies. It's how Bakugou grows from hate to begrudging respect, and Midoriya from being a push-over to valuing himself and getting better self-esteem, and finally getting to equal footing where they hurt and fight eachother, but it underlies the knowledge that they're equal, nothing they can do will truly take the other down. The push and pull. There's mutual respect, and trust and intimacy, they know eachother more than anyone. They're both so intense, and somehow they managed to find their match in terms of intensity from such a young age that this strange bond could blossom. It just took time to put them on equal footing so they could actually provide eachother with the intensity they crave so badly. Midoriya had the resolve and the stubbornness, but none of the brawn needed to provide an actual challenge to Bakugou, to be someone he could let loose with. Bakugou had too much pride and too much ego, to ever willingly give himself up for someone else, especially not for Midorya. Until the tables flipped, until Midoriya got his quirk, and he understands Bakugou more than anyone. And Bakugou realizes Midoriya is no longer that crybaby kid he could beat up whenever he wanted and their relationship just changed so much, to the point that Bakugou willingly put himself in harm's way for Midoriya.

It's just such a compelling and complex dynamic and I get teary-eyed whenever I find fanfic that perfectly captures their bond, because it's such a powerful and profound thing and I'm absolutely astounded that I would grow to like this ship so much. It's not even like I necessarily ship it romantically, it's like they can't live without the other, and it feels undefinable by romantic or platonic labels. It's like in an entirely different category. And fuck I am so invested in those two, but ugh just Them.

[quartarcade]

mbti summary.

Architect (INTJ-T)

An Architect (INTJ) is a person with the Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging personality traits. These thoughtful tacticians love perfecting the details of life, applying creativity and rationality to everything they do. Their inner world is often a private, complex one.

It can be lonely at the top. As one of the rarest personality types – and one of the most capable – Architects (INTJs) know this all too well. Rational and quick-witted, Architects pride themselves on their ability to think for themselves, not to mention their uncanny knack for seeing right through phoniness and hypocrisy. But because their minds are never at rest, Architects may struggle to find people who can keep up with their nonstop analysis of everything around them.

Architects question everything. Many personality types trust the status quo, relying on conventional wisdom and other people’s expertise to guide their lives. But ever-skeptical Architects prefer to make their own discoveries. In their quest to find better ways of doing things, they aren’t afraid to break the rules or risk disapproval – in fact, they rather enjoy it.

But as anyone with this personality type would tell you, a new idea isn’t worth anything unless it actually works. Architects want to be successful, not just inventive. They bring a single-minded drive to their work, applying the full force of their insight, logic, and willpower. And heaven help anyone who tries to slow them down by enforcing pointless rules or offering poorly thought-out criticism.

This personality type comes with a strong independent streak. Architects don’t mind acting alone, perhaps because they don’t like waiting around for others to catch up with them. They also generally prefer making decisions without asking for anyone else’s input. At times, this lone-wolf behavior can come across as insensitive, as it fails to take into consideration other people’s thoughts, desires, and plans.

It would be a mistake, however, to view Architects as uncaring. Whatever the stereotypes about their stoic intellect, these personalities feel deeply. When things go wrong or when they hurt others, Architects are personally affected and spend much time and energy trying to figure out why things happened the way that they did. They may not always value emotion as a decision-making tool, but they are authentically human.

tagged by: @teslagravity​ @jinvil​ @takingxaim​ how dare u guys (affectionately) tagging: das wild you do whatever you want

[cutebunnys50]

Love Live Superstar season 3 episode 5 spoilers and spoilers for everything that comes before that (by mention)

UGHHHGHH how could they do this to me, even when I thought I wasn't as obsessed with Sumikeke, they keep dropping more and more things like they're trying to force me back into it 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Granted, this is Love Live so they're just (throwaway) crumbs but since Smkk was my old flame, I unintentionally latch onto them unconsciously.... It's like before I even realized it, I've already picked it up and then it slowly drives me more than a little mad... -- LIKE RIGHT NOW

I was excited to see it WAS a Keke episode and she's finally being allowed to graduate (temporarily) from her gag character status, but while Keke is confiding in Kanon and I'm mentally nodding along, we suddenly get a shot like THIS

SUMIRE????

i literally muttered, out loud, "oh my god" under my breath when I saw this 'cuz WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE WATCHING HER FROM FAR AWAY, i know it's probably like break time or something but is Sumire stalking her or something-- and of course the choice to have Sumire show up immediately 'cuz apparently these two come as a package deal 😭😭😭😭😭

they're friends obviously and I'm not reading into things more than I usually do, even if I do like wearing yuri goggles, 'cuz I'm always paying attention to canon and whatnot too, but obviously this is directly after the "I love you" scene (which does canonize them, come ON), so this clearly has additional context and intent and baggage or whatever hjdsflksdfds the takeaway is "if Keke is troubled, then Sumire will be there worrying about her" and that's very true to season 1 Sumikeke too because Sumire has always been kind and considerate and that's what made her my fave in the first season in the first place.

ANYWAY

I thought, "lmao ofc Sumire is also involved whenever it comes to Keke and her troubles, aight, fair enough" but we go further into the episode and then we get a line like THIS

I'M SOO SOO curious

what are the current Sumikeke fans feeling right now.... Directly after the episode I thought, "Sumikeke fans ate so well this episode" but surely I'm not the only one who thinks this... Anyway, I thought I was over them... But apparently not 'cuz this episode has me feeling some kinda way. IN PARTICULAR I REALLY liked Smkk a LOT so it kinda reminded me of just how deeply obsessed I was with them. Like, I don't actively look them up any more 'cuz the negative experiences kinda overpowered my desire/curiosity for more, but the inner part of me that STILL loves them is the exact reason why I'm writing this right now cuz I really want to get this out of my system. what the hell....

don't play with me hhHNGNHH I KNOW ALL ABOUT IT YOU KNOW. I KNOW ABOUT THE LINES IN STARRY PRAYER , WHICH I BELIEVE WAS IMPLIED TO BE FOR KEKE "I'll erase everything that's unpleasant in your future"-- IT'S LITERALLY IN THE SMKK TAG WHENEVER I CHECK, I KNOW ABOUT IT !!!!!!!

And then if we walk back, I don't think I ever publicly commented on Sumire's behavior in S2 besides my disappointment that Smkk jumps into toxicity way too quickly for my liking when I never liked them for their toxicity (only their cute banter/childish bickering/rivalry which you're NOT supposed to take too far, damn it), but the way Sumire was willing to become the villain to protect Keke was WILD, I really wonder why people haven't written fics using this as a concept... For example, I had a lot of ideas myself from back then but I could EASILY imagine a fic where Sumire takes the blame and becomes some kinda scapegoat/sacrificial/martyr character and it'd be so hnnhghhh and angsty

obviously writing it is harder than imagining it, so i'm not saying writing something like that would be easy at all, but Sumire's canon behavior is like prime fanfic material,, do they see... does the fandom like that sorta thing too... isn't it like... almost perfectly trope-y and incredible but COMPELLING? why not write something like that instead of all the fics we currently have; in fact, i'm gonna check the Smkk fanfiction tag rn and probably monitor their tag in general out of curiosity for a while, especially while I wait for the next episode, so I probably won't tag this rambling, I dont want to see myself in the search results every time lmao, but even though I don't think anyone followed me from my Smkk days, this episode was SOMETHING

FIRST OF ALL

I was really distracted by how many plane tickets "Keke" apparently bought, I kept thinking "how expensive are plane tickets?!?? how much did you spend?? can you afford that? is it cheaper over there???" but finding out it's her sister makes me less confuzzled, still, is her sister rich or something, I have no idea how expensive tickets are, maybe it's a US thing? maybe i should look it up?

Anyway, that aside, everyone acting like her "sister" was some stranger was obviously done for comedic effect but in my head i kept yelling, "THEY LOOK SIMILAR, THAT'S OBVIOUSLY HER SISTER" so i feel like during that moment, I was more impatient about waiting for them to find out/get the answer lol

THEN HOSHIKUZU CRUISING IN CHINESE, AWESOME, I wanna listen to that a lot , release the full version??? Keke also looked stunning,

BUT ALSO, "the live is a day after tomorrow" GIRL?? GIVE THEM MORE THAN A DAY TO PREPARE?? omg that's like. actually wild as well.

you bring them to Shanghai and i'm wondering how rich everyone is and then they're told they have to prepare for a festival in like a day or two, I know the group practices choreography and everything and it's theoretically not impossible but why would Keke's sister do this lmao

seeing her finally get a design and face was cool though! i sometimes forget Keke is a little sister/younger sibling but with the way she acts, that's so fitting lmao. LL sure loves its sibling relationships

anyway, i've been enjoying S3 way more than I did during S2 (cuz of internal biases I think, but S3 also has many good lines and moments, such as the Natsumi + Shiki characterization I always wanted when it came to the first years, as opposed to Kanon solving everything and inviting everyone on Earth to the club. it's really cute that Kanon cares and tries to solve everything and literally has to be held back by Chisato but for example , finally Mei giving us some additional concrete reasons to ship Shikimei and so on and so forth)

That was a flood of words because I just finished watching the episode and it shook me and now I'm going through my old Smkk stuff and remembering how I felt about them and how much I loved them (still do? idk at all), but I guess I'll keep seeing what happens. S3 really does have me reacting more than S2 'cuz during S2, the "i love you" scene was spoiled to me first and then when it happened I was mostly like, "?" instead of fangirling like someone more engaged would do, but in S3, Sumire just exists in Keke's general proximity or says a line and I'm reeled back in. BECAUSE of that prior context. 😭 cuz it all adds up....

alone, i can dismiss it as the power of friendship or whatever but not when it comes to Sumikeke. this girl is GAY.

Bonus:

Kanon-chan's kind counseling face 🥺

honestly i don't wanna talk about it 'cuz the framing is coincidental in my opinion, the way I used to like a love triangle with these charas in particular, but Kanon truly is an interesting and likeable character in my opinion. I just wish they executed her better? idk. like, don't make anyone dislike her lol . i know it's easier said than done but I don't like the idea of her being disliked just because she appears a lot and goes way too "main character" mode. I do agree that it's good to give the other characters spotlight, but don't turn Kanon's kindness/helpfulness into something bad....!! LL staff, are you listening?! (rhetorical question)

At the end of the day, I still love these girls a lot. It's absolutely not shipping brain either lmao: i've been following them since their debut and all of this has literally added up. Didn't someone also say some gay throwaway line in the manga about how much Keke likes Sumire or vice versa??? i really like and care about them but it's precisely because I liked them so much that I couldn't handle them being mischaracterized, first by the fandom and then by the anime/canon itself by turning their deep relationship into something shallow or mean-spirited or gag-like.

I still remember all of this and I still feel it. Like they say, if you can switch off your love for something at the drop of a hat, then perhaps you never really loved it at all. End rant/rambling, whichever it is.

[sad-lullabee]

🌌 Immanuel Kant: The Underrated Philosopher 🌌

Immanuel Kant might sound like the last person you’d associate with bohemians, hippies, or anarchists. But here’s the twist: Kant’s philosophy is the real deal for anyone who’s ever wanted to challenge reality, embrace individual freedom, and explore the beauty of life outside the lines. His ideas shook the foundation of how we understand ourselves and the world—making him an unexpected yet iconic figure for anyone chasing that radical, self-defined existence.

🧠 Reality Isn’t What You Think: The World Inside Your Mind

Kant blew minds with one wild concept: reality is shaped by the mind. In Critique of Pure Reason, he argued that our understanding of the world isn’t just what we see; it’s also how we interpret it through personal experiences, senses, and emotions. Reality is never neutral; it’s subjective, and that’s powerful.

This idea became fuel for artists, writers, and dreamers who were tired of society’s rules. Kant basically said, Reality is personal, and you create it. Bohemians latched onto this idea, celebrating the beauty of individuality, imagination, and freedom from “one-size-fits-all” truth. Kant inspired them to question everything they saw, to embrace the world through their own unique lenses—and to understand that everyone else’s view of reality was just as valid.

🌌 The Sublime and Beauty: Feeling Beyond Words

In Critique of Judgment, Kant explores the sublime—that feeling of awe that sweeps over you in the face of something massive, mysterious, or intensely beautiful. Think of standing under a sky filled with stars or hearing a song that sends chills down your spine. For Kant, beauty and the sublime are more than just things we observe; they’re experiences that bring us to the edge of what words can’t express.

This resonated deeply with the Romantic movement, inspiring artists, poets, and wanderers to chase experiences that defy logic and celebrate pure emotion. Kant’s vision of beauty encouraged them to seek out what stirs the soul, even if it feels overwhelming or unexplainable. He showed that the best things in life don’t always make sense—and that’s exactly what makes them beautiful.

"Beauty is not what we see; it’s what we feel."

Kant’s philosophy gave us permission to dive headfirst into a world of intuition, sensation, and those epic, ineffable moments that can only be felt, never fully understood.

🔓 Radical Freedom: The Power of Self-Governance

Kant’s idea of freedom was a true rebellion in itself. In Critique of Practical Reason, he argued that real freedom isn’t just doing whatever you want—it’s about living by principles that you choose for yourself, deep within. He called it an “inner law,” a set of values that you create, live by, and answer to.

This concept of radical autonomy speaks to every rebel, anarchist, and wanderer who believes in self-governance. For Kant, true freedom is about choosing your path with intention and integrity—no external forces, no pressure to conform. Bohemians took this and ran with it, embracing lives where personal codes mattered more than any societal rulebook.

For Kant, freedom means saying, I am my own authority. His vision of autonomy wasn’t about chaos; it was about living a life where your actions reflect your highest values and truest self.

✨ A Philosophy of Respect: Valuing Every Human Life

One of Kant’s most beautiful ideas is that every person has value in and of themselves, and should never be treated as just a means to an end. His concept of “human dignity” championed respect for others, equality, and compassion. This philosophy resonated with free thinkers who believed in a community of true respect, where each person is valued simply for being human.

In a world that often exploits or objectifies, Kant’s moral philosophy was a radical call to treat others with compassion and honor. He imagined a society built on mutual respect and true equality—a vision that continues to inspire those who dream of a world beyond social hierarchies and inequalities.

🌠 Kant’s Legacy: Freedom, Beauty, and Self-Discovery 🌠

Kant might have been reserved and logical, but his ideas planted the seeds for some of the most radical movements in history. He taught that life isn’t just a set of rules to follow—it’s a work of art we create ourselves, shaped by imagination, autonomy, and the courage to see beauty in every fleeting moment.

Kant is an icon for anyone who values freedom not just as rebellion, but as a personal journey. For every bohemian who dreams, every hippie who feels deeply, and every anarchist who imagines a world built on self-governance and respect—Kant is proof that true freedom is about creating a life that’s deeply, authentically, yours.

In the end, Kant reminds us that sometimes, the greatest revolution is learning to see the world in your own way. 🌀

🌌✨ How to Live by Kant’s Principles ✨🌌

1. Follow Your Inner Compass 🧭

Be intentional with your choices. Buy only what aligns with your values, and treat others with the respect you wish for. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about walking through life with a sense of purpose, honoring a vision of fairness.

2. Respect Others’ Freedom to Be Themselves 🕊️

Let go of expectations about how others “should” live. Embrace people for their uniqueness, and build communities where everyone’s voice holds value.

3. Seek Knowledge That Feeds Your Soul 📚

Dive into books, art, and experiences that expand your perspective. Question what you’re told, read about philosophies that inspire, and stay curious. Knowledge isn’t just for school—it’s a journey. Let it shape who you are.

4. Do Good for the Sake of Goodness 🌱

Be the friend who shows up without needing praise, the person who volunteers. Help others, live sustainably, and make compassionate choices that reflect your beliefs. Let your kindness be quiet, not performative. It’s the heart of Kant’s philosophy.

5. Create Spaces of Mutual Respect and Equality ✊

Build friendships and communities where everyone matters equally. Reject hierarchies that put some above others. Engage in collectives or mutual aid groups that value cooperation and shared power. Look for ways to lift others up rather than compete.

6. Practice Self-Reflection and Radical Accountability 🔍

Take time to journal, meditate, or reflect on your choices. Are you living in line with your beliefs?