#who are often still figuring out their beliefs and are often less sure of themselves

[midnight-bay-if]

also an angsty-ish ask if i may (crushing stage)

ROs' reactions/thoughts to overhearing Mc and friend talking, said friend is teasing Mc about them and RO, and Mc blurts out "There's nothing between us!", then, after a brief pause, in the saddest tone they ever heard from Mc, "Besides, RO deserves someone far better than I could ever be..."

S: They think it's ludicrous. How can it be possible you don't recognise how exceptionally wonderful you are? If anyone in this situationship is falling short, it's them. They fall short in a million different ways, but they've put the best foot forward because you're the kind of person who inspires.

Well, they can't let this misconception continue. They would much rather lay the cards out straight and lose than have never taken the risk.

They reveal themselves carefully, leaning against the door frame with a charming smile. "Forgive the intrusion, but I couldn't quite help but overhear..." Still smiling, they close the distance until they are close enough to grasp your hand in theirs, holding it up delicately to their lips as they press a chaste kiss to the palm of your hand. "It would seem I haven't been clear enough in my affections if there is still room to doubt whether there is anything going on between us. I will endeavour to correct this grievous error immediately. Dinner tonight?"

Rain: That last sentence hits Rain like a punch to the gut. It seems incomprehensible to them that you could ever believe you were anything less than perfect to them. But it comes down to this. You do feel that way, and that means Rain hasn't done enough to express everything about you they find so endearing.

This cannot continue.

Rain begins with a plan. Everything they have learned about you thus far is brought into action as they co-ordinate the perfect date. Do you have a favourite flower? Great, have a bouquet of them. Do you have a favourite meal? S will help Rain cook it. Or if you have a favourite spot, great, expect a romantic walk to it. Enjoy poetry? Well, Rain is awful at writing it, but they would give it a go for you.

They'll figure out a million ways to show you their feelings if that's what it takes.

Taj: Taj's ear twitches when they overhear that final sentence. They feel the underbelly of frustration beginning to bubble under the surface. How is it fair you get to decide on your own who is good enough for who? And what made you decide that?

Wait... is this their fault? Could their sharp edges have been catching after all? You never showed it on your face. Sometimes, Taj would even dig deeper with their cutting tongue simply to see you flinch. But you never did. Had you been bleeding this entire time?

Taj inhales sharply, digging their nails deep into their palms in a clenched fist. If they were braver, they would storm right into that room and tear up those self-flagellating thoughts of yours. But they aren't. They never have been.

N: It feels strange to N, to hear the words they have already long suspected to be true. Not the part about 'nothing going on between us' since they know that much is rubbish, but the latter part... Well, the lack of belief in oneself can manifest in all kinds of ways but sits so readily in a person's body language.

It is true N is a demon prince of Hael. Before their power was so egregiously ripped from them, they were a prized jewel often paraded amongst important individuals like a prized buck for breeding. Everyone wanted a piece, and they languished in the attention.

Yet, powerless and bruised, you coveted their attention still. The lack of power did not matter to you. Back home, N would be ridiculed for seeking affection from a mere human. But, inexplicably, they do seek it. It is them who are underserving of you.

Better they remember why they came here in the first place.

Umbra: They cannot abide this. They flinched when you said nothing was going on between the two of you. For a moment, Umbra was sure someone had slipped the sharp edge of a blade right between their ribs. It hurt.

Then, you continued, and the blade twisted. It doesn't compute. Theirs are hands that have wrought destruction and death, but it is you who thinks they are not enough? This has to be their failure. If they were more human, more alive, then they would know exactly how to assuage your concerns, to prove their devotion to you.

It isn't enough to be by your side anymore. They would rather fall at your feet begging for mercy as you dig your heel in than have you believe that you aren't enough.

(Phew, hope this is okay! Sorry, it took a minute.)

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[cath-lic]

Hallo! I was pleasantly surprised to open up your profile to find out you're both trans and catholic!! (This might be a long read)

I'm the same! But in recent years due to my transness/queerness + my criticisms of the church I've kind of distanced myself from the church. I still go to mass and receive communion and do what is expected of me (I'm in a very catholic family) but I do it with a hollow feeling in my heart.

Almost paradoxically though, I really like Jesus, I think he's a cool guy, I have unending respect for him + I take bible classes and I find it to be really fun and interesting, esp the gospels and I guess the new testament in general. Studying the characters, the setting and the meaning of the story is always so cool to me and I really really love it.

However, the environment i grew up in and the Catholics I grew up with gave me a really sour feeling and I feel a lot of spite because of the blatant hate they spew towards lgbtq people/ their hypocrisy at times (things like defending isr4el's actions vehemently even though they're contradicting themselves to their face when they preach about love and anti harm and stuff) umm I lost my sentence, basically I feel like lgbtq people would be the last thing Jesus would consider a problem and I'm just soo sick of hypocrisy among catholics and Christians that it's made me almost resentful but I'm not quite there yet

What I wanted to ask was, how are you keeping your faith despite all these things? Despite all the horrible actions people commit each day in the name of Jesus and Christianity (just look at, say, the treatment of trans people in the US, Project 2025, all that, book banning, just... Blatant misuse of the faith, I hope you know what I'm talking about). I feel like the more I hear about stuff like this, the less I want to associate myself with the church. I feel ashamed, I guess. I figure that I've lost myself in all this, but any advice? I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

this ended up being a long answer, so i'll put it under a cut!

hello my sibling, i know exactly how you feel. i was lucky enough to grow up in a non-hostile and fairly liberal environment, but for similar reasons, i am in the closet as well.

seeing the violence and vitriol that so many christians espouse on a daily basis is extremely upsetting to me. i absolutely despise the fact that christianity has become popularly associated with hatred. at the same time, i acknowledge that many christians have wielded our faith in such a way that they are absolutely deserving of that reputation.

what helps me is having catholic friends IRL and online that make me feel sane. building this type of community online honestly helped me in so many ways—i no longer feel like one of the few catholics in the usa that aren’t associated with the alt-right.

another thing that helped me was, ironically, finding a different church. though i am still catholic, i go to an episcopal church. it’s smaller and friendlier, and i felt much more welcomed there as well, and i feel comfortable knowing that these are people who share both my values and (most of) my religious beliefs.

i think i become more gung-ho about the faith when seeing the horrible things that people do in the name of christianity, actually. i tend to post more when i’m riled up about it, because i KNOW they’re wrong! so basically, when i’m feeling down, i turn to the source material. more often than not, they reaffirm my faith and reaffirm that god has sanctioned absolutely none of the shit that republicans are trying to pull.

i want people to know that being catholic does not mean being conservative, so i yell about it in my own space here. i don’t want to, you know, proselytize to people—so i make sure that this is a blog they can block. i would like to attend pride events and bring my own signs, and protect others from protestors at some point.

i’m sorry i don’t have a more succinct answer for you, my sibling. i can only assure you that you are not alone, and that so many of us trans catholics feel the exact same way. sending all my love to you ❤️❤️❤️

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

What are some things you think about a lot, more than most other things you think

I'm thinking about this right now, and it seems like the answer is "whether or not I am a good person." It's hard to put into words how much that bothers me. There are some people who seem to feel very confident in their own moral bona fides. But I just don't see myself as one of those people. Even though I know there are plenty of things I do well (both in terms of being nice and friendly toward other humans and also just in terms of general life competence) . . . there is always something that looks bad when you look at yourself. And even if you try really hard to fix your flaws, they keep coming back; so you have this sense of having been through cycles of self-improvement and then regression, over and over again, for years on end. At least it feels that way to me, but maybe others experience this less acutely? [EDIT: actually, after writing all this, I think there may be more than two options here -- either people genuinely feel good about themselves, which means they never notice all these flaws, or else they mostly notice them, but can somehow find ways to cope with them without getting too depressed.]

This sounds pathetic and whiny, but it's really true! Some of my friends have told me that I often come off as arrogant or conceited because I tend to talk about what I believe in strongly, and that makes it sound like I don't care what anyone else thinks. And while that's probably true, I feel terrible when people tell me this. Especially since my strongest opinions aren't on subjects where there's any real controversy anyway. They're usually about stuff no one cares about, or issues everyone agrees upon, or a weird mix of both. So it seems like my only excuse would be that I'm an idiot who doesn't realize he has nothing interesting to say, except that I do get some positive feedback from time to time, so I guess I must really be that big an idiot. Or I could try to become someone whose beliefs line up perfectly with the prevailing wisdom, thereby becoming uninterestingly conventional. Which would be bad enough, but worse still would be to have a reputation as a screwup among people who think conventionally. Not sure why I haven't done anything like that yet. Maybe I've tried, and failed, because I simply cannot stop talking about myself. That was probably what made college so torturous -- I spent most of my social interactions trying to figure out whether I had said something stupid or insulting, or if it was just that my conversational partners were awkward/unwilling to make conversation. I didn't want to ask them directly whether they disliked me or thought I was dumb, because I wanted to maintain plausible deniability. In hindsight, I wish I had asked straight out whether I seemed annoying or anything. Then again, I wouldn't trust anyone's answers to such questions, given the times I misread intentions and ended up saying something wrong.

Anyway, I should clarify that this isn't really a complaint post. Just an observation about a pattern that runs throughout my life. My natural state is to feel like a loser, and every once in a while this feeling becomes intense enough to cause pain and grief, but basically this is normalcy for me, in the same way that walking

[thatdebaterguy]

It is very refreshing to hear , read an open minded opinion rather than fanatical ranting. If more people had civil debates, maybe the world would be in a better place. Thank you

I'm glad you think so, because I know there's people on both sides with arguments formed on logic and research, even if their research is misinformed, they don't argue with emotion, they argue with reasoning. I've only had very few people cite their sources and try give evidence for their opinions, and while often that evidence lacks certain context, for example, someone said the death toll is 29,000, but forgot to mention that at least around 5,000 are militant combatants, it's still nice to see people trying to use facts and figures rather than hurling insults, like the individual I screenshotted and posted about a few posts ago, who just said I'm a racist, a baseless incorrect accusation, and very childish. If people sat down and debated normally, rather than hurl insults at each other and allow themselves to be indoctrinated to an extreme side by just soaking up all the information they see on posts, then we'd have less polarisation and more understanding with each other.

I share a lot in common with your average Palestine supporter, I'm against genocide, support human rights, don't agree with indiscriminate mass killings, agree that the innocents should be given aid in times of crisis, the key difference is that I've done my research and can confidently point out the figures and say which category suits which side the most. This by no means makes me an expert, I've done many days of research over many months, but this is a conflict that started politically around 75 years ago, but has been raging for centuries before that, and throughout history both sides have been guilty of some terrible thing, but when weighing the pros and cons through history, modern politics, both political entities, I can confidently say Hamas is more extreme, evil and murderous, with a complete selfish lack of care for its own populous, than Israel, and Israel may even have more of a regard for Palestinian civilians than Hamas does, but I will stress that doesn't mean Israel should own Gaza, the Palestinian people living in their sovereign country should choose who rules them as any good democracy should allow, and Hamas hasn't allowed that for a long time, but just spends the aid given by the west on more means to wage an unjustified careless war with no regard for its own people, abusing their indoctrination to its own advantage.

In a world with mass media and political opinions formed by scrolling through media feeds, where the more posts you like of one specific side, the more likely you are to be extreme, radicalised and ill-informed, being able to let people say my opinions are wrong and point out why, and my ability to accept verified proof as verified proof, regardless of if it goes against what I've said, is extremely important to me, and I think no one should refuse to interact with someone based on political beliefs. My own political partner has different beliefs to mine but I still think she's wonderful, and she's still logical rather than letting a bunch of posts dictate her beliefs. I'd also like to say the same for my posts, even if you agree with my opinions, make sure to search for the evidence I site and the figures I use, I don't always post the links but I try my best to verify my sources, so it's wise to verify my sources independently as well, especially since as the war goes on, some will become outdated, like statistics on death tolls, if new evidence comes to light on certain situations, etc.

In other words, be informed, be civil, be accepting, and don't let politics divide us or dictate us as people and how we interact with one another. We didn't become the most advanced species on the planet by yelling at each other until we pulled our guns out, we yelled at each other until we could come to our senses, agree to disagree, and learn from our differences and mistakes.

[moreyouread]

Making Sense of God

Discovered is better than constructed meaning

• constructed meaning leads to us feeling hopeless the more we think about it

• any constructed meaning relying on something in the material world leads to unhappiness (described in Ecclesiastes) and also observed during the Holocaust in Man’s Search for Meaning

• Ancient philosophers felt that detachment was the key to happiness, but this seems dissatisfying because loving relationships do serve to make us happy

Freedom as ultimate good? No

• Freedom is not real. There are trade-offs so you need to sacrifice for different freedoms. Eg freedom for wealth requires sacrifice of education.

• Real freedom is a strategic loss of something for another that you care about

• there are social restraints based on how humans work that guide us to true freedom

• avoid harming others as a moral law is not self evident. People disagree on what will harm others. eg does porn harm others?

Self identity as ultimate value? No

• self identity is hard to determine; saying anger issues isn’t you and you’ll work to change it but homosexual feelings are is an arbitrary determination

• anything we build identity in will cripple us eventually

• anything we build identity in will lead to a disdain of the other. Humility is needed to recognize no disdain for or view themselves as better than the other, but confidence to not demonize the other out of insecurity. This comes from humility in our sin but confidence in God’s grace for us

Hope is a belief in the future that affects our attitude today.

Morality and justice is difficult to explain without God.

Part 3: Christianity makes sense

God argument

inferred God like light particles and atoms are inferred. However isn’t God less consistent in testing?

• original matter either:

- sprung from nothing

- always existed

- infinite number of causes

All of these are outside of the realm of science. So even those who deny God have to admit that

• all the values of physical constants for life-permitting settings are so low likelihood — point to God than not. Some like to argue the multiverse thesis even though there is no shred of evidence of this either.

• moral obligations are illusions of evolution and culture if there is no personal God.

• human consciousness is remarkable. All human experience has a subjective experience to it, ability to draw abstractions, relate past and future, and do complex mathematical equations and philosophy. It’s hard to prove why these capacities were developed in evolution. No one can explain consciousness yet with science. It’s hard to swallow that love / our ideals are just chemicals and illusions

• beauty in art and nature point to God. Sure it might help for reproductive fitness but a lot of art like music is not related to reproduction. Beauty is often not utility

Jesus argument

• Mark gospel was written 30 years after Jesus death so eye witnesses were still alive and consulted.

• it’s not likely fabricated to fit the cultural needs at the time since many culturally embarrassing things like women being the first to see Jesus, the crowds Jesus hung out with, would be embarrassing

• early Christians believed Jesus was God, and Jesus claimed it himself

• the way the NT Bible was written is like a historical narrative with all these unnecessary details that make it sound real. Back then, fictional stories were not written the way the NT was

• people mentioned witnesses by name even, which could back up what was being said; apostles frequently said they were eyewitnesses too and not fabricating a lie

• no other religion has a real historical figure claim he was God and lived a life with character that made it believable to many. Either Jesus was God or an arrogant lunatic

• early disciples and believers died for their beliefs, within the same generation or claiming to be eye witnesses of the event

• it was very unlikely that Jews would believe God could be man. This was very anti their religion

• all other zealots of the time who died did not then have followers claim resurrection

[quickdeaths]

They resisted the urge to tell Sonia that she was redeemable, if even she needed redeeming in the first place. Though Shinobu believed wholeheartedly that Sonia and her friends were victims themselves, first and foremost, and needed forgiveness and care most of all, she doubted that Sonia wanted to hear that sort of message at the moment. Instead, it was all she could do to hold Sonia's hand, and hope that some of her feelings might be understood.

"Thank you, Miss Nevermind." She was thanking her for going along with her request, yes, but for everything else as well - allowing her to be at her side most of all. "I'm sure it isn't easy, but please do lean upon me as you need. I want to support you as best I can." She couldn't force Sonia to rely upon her, of course. That would be up to her, and her ability to accept it. Still, they could make the offer, and try to impress upon her that their affection for her, and their desire to comfort her, or carry what small portion of her burdens they could, was not conditional.

Shinobu was about to say that she thought love was, perhaps, hopefully, still possible for Sonia, though the words never left her lips, turned as the conversation was towards the second kitten. As they leaned to the side to get a better look, a soft expression settled onto Shinobu's face. "How cute," she murmured, even as as the little cat fumbled around. To Shinobu, it looked more like some sort of rodent than a cat, with its slicked fur and closed eyes, claws splayed out on paws a bit too big for its body. Well, that was cute, too.

"You know, that's a Western superstition," Shinobu said, still regarding both Sonia and the cat with a relaxed, faintly warm look upon their face. "In Japan, black cats are quite the opposite - they can be a sign of good luck, or other positive omens." Once she'd finished taking a look, she returned to her chair, to give Sonia and the collected cats whatever space they might prefer. "Have you seen the lucky cat figures in Japan? Often holding an amulet, and with one paw raised up in the air to beckon?"

For how traditional her family was, Shinobu couldn't remember ever seeing one around her house. Perhaps her father found them a bit too gaudy or colorful, or it might have been the case that anything too wrapped up in luck and fortune offended his sensibilities. There was one in the window at Anzu's old Tokyo theater, though, welcoming in guests with a promise of good fortune and a good show, and there had been a few strewn about Miss Uesugi's family estate, all carefully calculated for maximum impact.

"They're all good omens, but they have different meanings, depending on color. The black ones are said to ward off malevolent spirits." Anzu was still lingering at the window, so perhaps that was as much a superstition as the belief that they brought bad luck. "I suppose most things, or perhaps even all things, are rather a matter of perspective." After all, she'd been told to regard Sonia and the rest of the remnants as dangerous murderers fully culpable for all of their crimes, and yet she could see them only as sad, broken individuals who deserved more gentleness than the world, or Future Foundation, was providing them. The remnants killed and were monsters for it, while Shinobu killed and had been hailed as a hero. Differing perspectives, even as they felt the stains of blood on their hands as keenly as any other.

They turned their attention back to the little black cat, the movie, and the conversation of love and marriage, temporarily forgotten. "Still, you seem more like a sign of good fortune than bad, to me." All of the cats, truthfully, if only for allowing her to be here for Sonia when she was needed. "It's quite a bit to live up to, and I'm loathe to put any pressure upon you, but, please do your best." It was more than a little silly to be speaking with a kitten, but perhaps Sonia would appreciate the moment with a bit less focus upon herself. Or, perhaps she would find something of value in Shinobu'd admittedly heavy-handed reasoning.

But it hadn't occurred to her to even ask about Yaguchi's family. Sonia assumed she had one, everyone did, whether they were whole and happy, depressed and fragmented, or somewhere in-between. No, she'd assumed for as much of her time and effort that Yaguchi gave to the former Class 77-B that they had all gone the way of her former Hope's Peak class: perished, probably by the hands of either herself or her friends. It gave Sonia the smallest bit of comfort that her own atrocities were entirely localized to Europe, and therefore Yaguchi's family could have only been caught in her crossfire if they'd ended up in the continent.

"I'm sorry that those are the memories you have of home," She told her sincerely. The sentiment seemed out of place considering what was currently unfolding on TV: a boy with shaggy hair singing a pop song in the stands of a sports field, something lighthearted and silly and maybe even romantic. While they talked about Shinobu's disheartening family life. "It feels unfair to me, in a way, that despite killing both of my parents I still am in possession of good memories of them. But it allows me to always keep a reminder that I will never be redeemable, if just for taking the lives of people who loved me."

Beside them, Miss Kitty had begun to fret, panting quickly and letting out a yowl before Sonia reached out her hand to brush her cheek. But after a few pets, it had been otherwise occupied: by Yaguchi, who had taken both of Sonia's hands in hers to ensure she had her full attention. She was so used to being numb to everything, and yet the arrival of a pregnant cat had set off a rollercoaster of emotions: worry, anticipation, reflection, regret. And now, with her hands enclosed in Yaguchi's warmer ones, Sonia felt the roller coaster on the fourth island would feel more steady and relaxing than her hands being held, paired with tender words and something resembling a smile.

Frankly, barring Naegi and on occasion Asahina and Hagakure, she thought everyone on the island was incapable of it, herself included. Something about Yaguchi making an attempt had an unsettling air, like she knew something about Sonia that Sonia didn't. That fit the theme of Jabberwock Island, of never being fully in control of her thoughts or future decisions.

"Okay," She uttered. Perhaps the most feeble and unbecoming answer for a queen, but it wasn't as if Sonia felt particularly regal anymore. A queen was to provide leadership, guidance, and sympathy and yet all she could provide were questions. How could I have possibly made your time here better? Why would you want to be friends with a known mass murderer? Why are you wasting your time on someone like me, who can't even stay here for long, much less everything else wrong with me?

But if there was one thing she could remember from her time as a princess, beyond all of those good memories of her family that served only to antagonize her with regret, it was keeping her emotions in check. Unless the contribution was a constructive one, it was better, for her reputation and the good of the country, to remain silent.

"I will try."

She didn't have time to consider if that would pacify Yaguchi in the conversation. A combination of wistfulness towards their time as teenagers plus a yowling pregnant cat provided a suitable distraction. "I can understand that," She offered, resuming Miss Kitty's petting. If she could provide the cat a little comfort as the next kitten began to crown, she would. "The arranged marriage, that is. It might not be as specific as a singular man, but the list of respectable choices for royal consort was short even back then. Even shorter now, and I have less freedom to be picky about it. I wanted to fall in love on my own back then, I remember that, but it is less of a possibility now than it even was then-OH!"

As she'd been lamenting over the fact that she'd need to choose from a handful of men with noble blood or financial or political success, the next kitten had been born: all black, with eyes squeezed shut and loud, pitiful cries. Miss Kitty had gotten to work, licking and licking the new arrival until the sac had broken and the kitten fumbled around blindly on the towel, searching for a free nipple to nurse from.

"How sweet, an all black one!" Sonia cooed as the mother lay on her side, allowing herself a moment of respite before she began straining again for the next kitten. "I never understood why they were always perceived as bad luck. They are so beautiful."

[fallingskiesandrisingseas]

One thing I feel like we don't talk about enough is the fact that Haymitch was 16 when he won the Second Quarter Quell, against 47 other children, 12 Careers among them.

We often see him portrayed as a drunk and a lazy bastard, but the amount of skill and cunning it takes to survive THE HARDEST HUNGER GAMES IN HISTORY. No one understands how he's managed to survive an arena with twice the tributes, or even figure out how the poison works. But Haymitch just doesn't trust the excess, the berries, the green. And he's lived with hunger before. He can take it for a while. When he finds his first body in the arena, the perfectly brown nuts still in his hands, he decides not to eat anything but what's in his backpack. Then, after killing two Careers and being saved from death by Maysilee, they team up and figure out a system to safely drink the rainwater and kill other tributes and scavenge from their backpacks, to make sure that they don't die from poisoning. And being skilled enough at fighting to pressure the Career into throwing her ax at him. Even with half his guts hanging out she apperently wanted none of the smoke. And not only understanding from previous Games, apperently, that the arena ends somewhere, but using it to his advantage. It is astounding.

Then he comes back and the Capitol kills everyone he cares about. This 16 year old boy is surviving the most brutal onslaught in the history of the Games and comes home, traumatized, hurt beyond belief, both mentally and physically - seeing an ally and friend die in his arms, almost dying from taking an axe to the stomach, having to kill no less than 3 Careers - only to see his family and girlfriend murdered.

And as if that isn't enough, he has to spend the next 24 years watching his tributes, all of them the same age he was or younger, die in the arena, all alone. There is no one else to help him shoulder that grief. He has the worst district, where no one ever wins, so he sees 2 children he mentors die every year, and the mother of the girl who saved his life in the arena is still around.

But wait! It gets worse! After Peeta and Katniss show fighting spirit and a desire to come back home alive, he has to choose which tribute he will try to help. He puts his money on Katniss, which is understandable, but still heartbreaking.

Then, they somehow both make it out alive. Notwithstanding the roller coaster of emotions Haymitch must have been on when they pulled that last stunt with the berries - getting them both back, then maybe getting neither back- he has no time to grieve for the 23 children who died, but must immediately go to Katniss to try and save her from the same fate he encountered for his own stunt with the force field.

Then he hears about the Third Quarter Quell, which involves Katniss and either him Peeta or having to fight all his friends. And with Katniss begging him to take Peeta's place when they reap him, all the trauma must've come flooding back.

He is also set to lose the two people he cares about - Peeta and Katniss - to the regime, after snatching them from the jaws of death. When he finally has someone else to share the burden of being a mentor, the Capitol immediately takes that from him, forcing him to watch his comrades die one by one trying to protect Katniss and Peeta to keep them alive, all to give Haymitch a chance to pull them out.

We sort of forget about him a little in the third book, but Haymitch loses absolutely everything he has to the regime. Everything. His innocence, his family, his home, and Katniss and Peeta. He has to topple an entire regime and is a member of a far-reaching conspiracy while he can barely function from all the ( additional ) trauma.

I feel like Susanne Collins used him as a mirror to reflect just how gruesome the Games are, and how this spectacle ultimately damages people so badly they become a shell of themselves. Anyone else thinking about celeberty culture?

When looking at him differently, one cannot escape the notion that he resembles a war veteran, too, forced to kill people to come back and then being lauded, but not helped. Especially him saying "there are no victors, only survivors" and the mind numbing substance abuse in order to avoid dealing with the death of two innocent children every year and everything he went through in the arena.

But not only that; he still has the strenght to fight back, organize a coup, be a mentor. Presented with the first real chance he gets to pull someone through the hell of the Games and come back out, he jumps. Even though that means reliving the horrible games again.

Haymitch deserves a lot more praise, and I think Collins presented him really well as an idea of just how evil the Capitol really is. And how wickedly smart Haymitch Albernathy can be, if he chooses to.

I am honestly suprised that he's still alive and in generally okay condition, despite being a raging alcoholic. Him raising geese and looking after Katniss after they come back from District 13 gives me a little peace.

[rainytypology]

Judging function: Fi

Brief explaination. May change/update later.

Fi - Introverted Feeling

Introverted feeling is focused on one's own personal feelings and emotions, morals, and values. When making decisions, they compare their choices and actions to see if it aligns with or goes against their morals. Lots of "I" and "me" thinking with Fi. They also want to be authentic and genuine in the way they express themselves. Fi users are typically reserved but internally intense, so they're the not the most emotionally expressive but can show their authenticity with extroverted functions Se, Ne, or Te. Since they're generally not social and uninterested in influencing others' feelings, they just focus on controlling their own inner world and figure out who they are and what makes up their character.

Fi in different positions:

Dominant Fi: INFP, ISFP

IxFPs are immersed in their own world of personal feelings and values. They focus on being authentic and use their extroverted functions to express who they are, regardless of judgement from others. They don't want to be "fake". They often have strong moral codes that may make them be slower to take action (especially with inferior Te) since they'll be constantly comparing their actions to their morals. They may seem aloof due to Fi being so internalized and private, but they can be deeply empathetic and sensitive. Their emotions are often intense and passionate, so they may come off too strong to others sometimes without realizing it.

Auxiliary Fi: ENFP, ESFP

Aux Fi helps ExFP's dominant perceiving function make decisions that align with their morals. Often opportunity seekers, Fi helps to ground them for a moment. Fi makes sure their choice really aligns with who they are and what they believe in instead of just blindly doing things. They may want to use their Fi to be inspirational as well. They want to be the best versions of themselves and express this by using their extroverted functions. Their dominant extroverted function can make them curious about other's values and understanding what drives them.

Tertiary Fi: INTJ, ISTJ

IxTJs may view their Fi as irrational and unhelpful for decision making. They'll still use Fi to stay true to themselves and ideals. They don't see the point in putting up a front. They may start putting more effort and time into activities they find valuable (volunteering, advocating for less fortunate, poetry, etc). They may be judgemental of others beliefs and values though, believing theirs are stupid in a way, if used unhealthily. They can become self absorbed and selfish.

Inferior Fi: ENTJ, ESTJ

Inferior Fi can make ExTJs seem heartless and cold. They do not want their personal feelings to get in the way of reaching their goals. Since they're so driven to gain accomplishments, they may forget their own feelings, wants and needs. They may repress their own values and longing to connect with others. They may repress their own negative feelings and continue using Te to keep their drive. However, this will just exhaust them and intensify their emotions even further.

___

MBTI notes list

[coffeehousefanfics]

Jiang Cheng is an incredibly well written and tragic antagonist designed to be an inherent wellmeant but deeply flawed moral inverse to main protagonist wwx. On almost every single moral tipping point JC and wwx agree on what is the just and right action. However the main divide between the two is that JC has and always will be a pragmatist first and foremost, not an altruist like wwx. JC will not start a fight he can not win. He will not make a stand for something unless he knows the majority will agree with him. He will not cause a scene if there is even a chance it will cause a back lash.

While the argument can definitely be made that he is a good person at heart due to his moral compass and beliefs, how we act on those innermost thoughts and beliefs is how we truly are as a person. And according to his actions JC is someone who protects himself and his, first and foremost. Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing as a character trait, especially for a sect leader/heir whose first priority should always be the betterment and protection of one’s sect. That trait however puts himself in direct opposition many times against wwx, even when they agree on something. Wwx will do whatever he believes is the morally correct choice; damn all consequences, which brings a lot of heat and punishment down on himself. Because he is a prominent figure in both the Yunmeng Jiang sect aswell as JC’s perceived direct family circle that back lash would fall upon that. This results in a shift in JC’s priorities from agreeing with whatever wwx will say or do (because, again, they often agree on moral judgments) to stoping wwx from saying or doing the thing because safeguarding the things he cares about supersedes moral dilemmas.

This isn’t bad writing or being a bad character it is actually very good character writing for JC because even tho they both agree what the correct option is, the circumstance of it all puts them in direct opposition. JC absolutely thinks the wen clan should be stopped but would not have done anything at all unless they had killed his parents and taken lotus pier. Those things NEEDED to happen in the story for the war to have taken place because otherwise JC would not have risked his home and loved ones with war. This draws quite an interesting contrast against a character like say, JGS. JGS refuses to be involved in the war unless he knows it’s a sure victory because he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences and inconvenience of being on the losing said cause he sux as a human being. JGS doesn’t actually care about the right and wrong of it all as long as he gets to sit in the lap of luxury. JC and semi by extension JFM also don’t want to incite or involve themselves with the war but it comes from a place of safeguard their loved ones and the people under their care. Very similar actions but it’s clear to us the reader that it’s for wildly different reasons.

Fast forward a whole war and some change…

Even tho JC is awake that he owes a debt to Wen Ning and Wen Qing and has seen for himself that there are only farmers, elderly, and children in the burial mounds he still wants wwx to stop defending them. Because to him the moral obligation of protecting the innocent is less of a priority to JC than protecting his sort-of brother and the image of his sect. I like to believe that’s why JGS and (brains behind the curtain) JGY needle JC so much and point out how much wwx’s actions are hurting the rest of his people. Because if pushed hard enough often enough JC will cut ties in order to protect the other people he cares about.

But then… wwx takes the choice out of his hands. Wwx cuts ties, says he isn’t Jiang anymore, that JC doesn’t need to protect or help him anymore. Leaving JC in a state of emotional limbo because he hasn’t stopped seeing wwx as one of his people but wwx has claimed exactly that.

Then he kills Jin Zixuan. Then in the the fallout of that shijie dies. And in the fallout of THAT wwx gives up on life entirely and attempts to destroy the Stygian tiger thing, resulting in his own death.

I’m very short succession JC loses every single person he cares about and can attribute the loss to someone else he cares about and that completely shatters him as a person.

Resulting in the angry broken trash raccoon we know 13 years later.

It’s a masterfully written arch of two almost brothers who very much do love each other doomed to fall apart and clash by simple virtue of who they are as people.

Jiang Cheng first and foremost care about protecting his sect and his loved ones; including wwx. And Wei Wuxian care so much about what is right and just that he will go to stupid, self sacrificial lengths to achieve it. It was a mix destined to result in resentment and antagonism.

I know a lot can also be said about JC including 1:how aggressive and angry his affection and care come off, and wether his loved ones should have to put up with that kind of treatment just because he ‘cares deep down’. (“ don’t worry sweetie that boy only pulls your hair and hurt you because he likes you” tacitly teaching girls that affection is shown only through violence.) 2:the deep rooted insecurities of always being 2nd best both in skill and perceived fatherly love (JFM said goodbye to JC but only told wwx to take care of his son as his last words, directly suggesting that he values JC more than wwx). 3: the inherent classism in result to his high point of birth, reinforced by YZY constantly needling him about how pathethic it is that a mere servants son can best him. And 4: how the argument can be made that none of the previous flaws are because of him as a person but because of being raise by YZY who is the WORST PERSON WHO SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED NEAR CHILDREN! Rearing him to accept her worst and most toxic traits as the norm. From her roaring imposter syndrome in her own family to toxic violence and insults as forms of affection.

All of THAT can be discussed a different time, I simply wanted to break down and discuss wether or not JC is a ‘good person’ deep down and whether or not being good ‘deep down’ excuses his overwhelming tendency to be a bystander to horrific things happening directly in front of him

TL;DR JC is a masterfully constructed antagonist and foil to WWX as a character…. But is still kind of a trash panda human

Jiang Cheng is a good character.

YES, I want to open that can of worms.

I only say good but I mean a lot of different things. Good as in well written. But also as in he's not a bad person. He has many flaws, some venial, some major, he made mistakes as most in the story. He suffered just as much, even though part of it was caused by his own personality.

I'm pretty sure most people would agree but I also know there are less forgivable ones out there.

I know it's not straightforward because he's ill tempered and seeing the story from Wei Wuxian's pov it's hard to sympathise with someone who envied him so much when WWX has done nothing but love and respect him and his family his whole life. But come on.

His father did favor WWX over him, I think this point is quite pacific. I stand by the fact that JFM loved JC but the way he went about it was all wrong. If he had treated them equally then a lot of aggravation would have been spared. JC was at fault in taking it out on WWX, since he wasn't responsible for it but he was young and misguided and there it was WWX acting arrogant by his own (later) admission, which of course didn't help, no matter that he cared deeply.

His mother did nothing to smooth the edge of his character, instead she nourished his insecurities, constantly comparing him to WWX, underlying every little difference in their status, actions, results and treatments. It caused him to develop an inferiority complex that made him all the more bitter.

He's not as strongwilled and tough as some of the other characters and that's not a fault, he just has a more vulnerable personality he tries to compensate by acting rough. It's very apparent in how remissive he is around his mother who in contrast - while similar in temperament - has a very strong will. As a lonely kid, prior to WWX's arrival, his character has been easily molded by the people close to him, especially the ones he felt loved by. He grew prickly under the indifference of his father, the harsh ways of his assertive mother and the indulgence of his sister who while gentler is much tougher than him.

And then he watched his whole family being killed as a consequence of WWX's actions. It would have happened anyway, YZY understood that before anyone else, but still... Even though he was in the wrong blaming it on WWX, the Wen sect used that pretext to launch an attack that caught them off-guard. He watched all the people he loved die as WWX stood by someone else's side, never listening to his advice.

And I agree his temperament is not a justification, he should work on that, but I also know how difficult it is to change one own nature. He was easily riled up, he was too easy to condition and his envy and sense of inadequacy made him blind to the truth, but I think the way WWX was always able to win him back in a few words shows that he was trying, he was listening, he knew that was not the right way to go. And he cared about him too.

But I also want to notice that he was not just prickly, he was also right many times. He's pretty selfish, we can agree on that. It's not that he has no compassion for others but being it his pride, his sense of entitlement, his fear or whatever, he's not as selfless as WWX, ready to give everything up for someone he's not deeply connected to (which heightens the sacrifice he made giving himself up to save him). His indifference toward the faith of the two people who saved his life is quite unbearable, I have to be honest, but as explained in the story he has close to no memory of it and it lessens his sense of debt - not an excuse but I guess it makes sense. That being said, he goes about it the wrong way but what he tells WWX is right, he will never succeed in his intention, it would only bring destruction and I'm pretty sure he was not just thinking of himself, how he would be implicated, he cared for WWX, not for anyone else involved but for him. He was trying to save him.

Even though he never referred to him as his brother, like JYL did, he did love him like he was, he was just difficult, he wanted him by his side and tried to help him multiple times, if uncouthly, that's why he felt so betrayed when he chose to stand by Wen Ning and the others. I think his reaction after the golden core reveal is quite telling of his internal struggle.

When he found out he owed his life and his status to WWX he received one of the biggest blow of his life because he was finally set on hating him, resolving his lifelong internal conflict but deep down he knew that he couldn't ignore his sacrifice. For his whole life he had wavered in that limbo between love and hate, never able to fully commit to either side. He never truly hated him. Not until Jiang Yanli's death and not after he came back, maybe not even in between but that's his lowest point for sure. But now he had a debt of gratitude that he didn't want, because it clashed with his justified anger, because he didn't want to be linked to WWX again, because he didn't want to forgive him and feel like he was in the wrong yet again; not after what he had lost.

He was suddenly in debt without asking for it. It was like his grief and anger didn't withstand the good he had never known about, but he still felt them and there was a reason for them that he couldn't ignore, which made him look unsympathetic, once again his own efforts, sacrifices, losses... didn't seem to matter. And that was also because he had another unforgivable flaw, he was prideful, that meant he wasn't deemed able to confront the truth, which is belittling in itself.

First there is the envy, the pride. Then the grief, the inadequacy, the frustration. Ultimately there is another important bit, being kept in the dark. WWX had no right to take that decision for him, to be a martyr when he was supposed to be the executioner (from his point of view). He had no right to give up so much as if it was nothing when for JC it was everything. Most importantly he should have told him so he could have understood why he did what he did, because if he knew maybe Jiang Cheng would have done things differently too, he could have helped him. Every time WWX rejected his advice it wasn't because he didn't want to listen but because he couldn't listen, that would have lessened the resentment in JC. At that moment of their life him and JYL were all he had left and once again he fell second to someone else. Even worse he was abandoned by someone who promised to always be on his side, to help him in a difficult time, but not only WWX wasn't there and was protecting others, he was rejecting the hand Jiang Cheng tried to offer him.

In this respect, I find quite poetic the scene in the donghua with Jiang Cheng reaching out to help him up during the Waterborne Abyss incident and Wei Wuxian plummeting down under the weight of his own actions (and LWJ coming to the rescue, obv), because it's a very accurate representation of the future events. He did it badly but he did try to help. He did try to make him see reason. He missed some crucial details and lacked sympathy but he made a lot of wise remark. He didn't have WWX's confidence (edging on haughtiness) and since he had always been sensitive to the opinions of the people around him he could foresee consequences better than him. He was also painfully aware that he wouldn't always be able to face them because he could barely stand up for himself in many instances against those more domineering than him.

Whether he was really full of hate after WWX's death or in a way he was hoping he would come back I don't know, JGY could have been right, he kept Chenqing because he thought WWX would come for it - to catch him? It could be, the fact JGY said it almost leads me to believe the contrary because we know he's deceitful and always looks for the worse angle to any matter, but it could be true. To meet him again? Who knows - or he kept it to remember him. I don't think it's all that important. Because after he came back he was angry and they couldn't go back to how they were before but things smoothed over. He let him keep Chenqing, knowing that's his source of power now. In his words, as I've said before, we can see he understood better what happened and why. He finally managed to vent his anger at him to the point of turning it into something else as he moved to another stage of grief. The fact that Jin Ling keeps interacting with him after everything is said and done is quite telling of how quiet the aftershock is, not that I think Jiang Cheng could stop him but he wouldn't make it easy if he still hated him.

And then there is the biggest thing of all. Him not telling WWX how he was captured after the massacre of their sect is the most mature thing he has ever done. It wouldn't have eased anything, it would have only served the purpose of hurting WWX further. If he really hated him he would have told him, just as he vented his frustration at not having any recognition for his effort when WWX and LWJ were trapped in the cave. But he didn't want to hurt him even more when he knew he had suffered enough. It would have been a very spiteful thing to do, proving he needed people's approval and nothing else. Instead he accepted to be considered selfish and ungrateful even in his most selfless moment. The comparison with his inability to tell him the true story with the way WWX kept his action from him is a dead giveaway to the true reason he couldn't find it in himself to speak: for the first time after that instance he learned to be selfless again.

[fatliberation]

I’m Abandoning Body Positivity and Here’s Why

In short: it’s fatphobic.

“A rallying cry for a shift in societal norms has now become the skinny girl’s reassurance that she isn’t really fat. Fatness, through this lens of ‘body positivity’, remains the worst thing a person can be.” (Kayleigh Donaldson)

•  •  •

I have always had a lot of conflicting opinions about the body positivity movement, but it’s much more widely known (and accepted, go figure) than the fat liberation movement, so I often used the two terms interchangeably in conversation about anti-fatness. But the longer I’ve been following the body positivity movement, the more I’ve realized how much it has strayed from its fat lib origins. It has been hijacked; deluded to center thin, able, white, socially acceptable bodies.

Bopo’s origins are undoubtedly grounded in fat liberation. The fat activists of the 1960s paved the way for the shred of size acceptance we see in media today, initially protesting the discrimination and lack of access to equal opportunities for fat people specifically. This early movement highlighted the abuse, mental health struggles, malpractice in the medical field, and called for equal pay, equal access, equal respect, an end to fatphobic structures and ideas. It saddens me that it hasn’t made much progress in those regards. 

Today, the #bopo movement encapsulates more the idea of loving your own body versus ensuring that individuals regardless of their weight and appearance are given equal opportunities in the workplace, schools, fashion and media. Somehow those demands never made it outside of the ‘taboo’ category, and privileged people would much more readily accept the warm and fuzzy, sugar-coated message of “love yourself!” But as @yrfatfriend once said, this idea reduces fat people’s struggles to a problem of mindset, rather than a product of external oppressors that need to be abolished in order for fat people to live freely.

That generalized statement, “love yourself,” is how a movement started by fat people for the rights of fat people was diluted so much, it now serves a thin model on Instagram posting about how she has a tummy roll and cellulite on her thighs - then getting praised for loving her body despite *gasp!* its minor resemblance to a fat body. 

Look. Pretty much everyone has insecurities about their bodies, especially those of us who belong to marginalized groups. If you don’t have body issues, you’re a privileged miracle, but our beauty-obsessed society has conditioned us to want to look a certain way, and if we have any features that the western beauty standard considers as “flaws,” yeah! We feel bad about it! So it’s not surprising that people who feel bad about themselves would want to hop on a movement that says ‘hey, you’re beautiful as you are!’ That’s a message everyone would like to hear. Any person who has once thought of themselves as less than beautiful now feels that this movement is theirs. And everyone has insecurities, so everyone feels entitled to the safe space. And when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. What I’m trying to explain here is that thin people now feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces. 

Regardless of how badly thin people feel about their bodies, they still experience thin privilege. They can sit down in a theater or an airplane without even thinking about it, they can eat in front of others without judgement, they can go the doctor with a problem and actually have it fixed right away, they can find cute clothes in their size with ease, they do not suffer from assumptions of laziness/failure based on stereotype, they see their body type represented everywhere in media, the list goes on and on. They do not face discrimination based off of the size of their body. 

Yet diet culture and fatphobia affects everyone, and of course thin people do still feel bad about the little fat they have on their bodies. But the failure to examine WHY they feel bad about it, is what perpetuates fatphobia within the bopo movement. They’re labeled “brave” for showing a pinch of chub, yet fail to address what makes it so acceptably daring, and how damaging it is to people who are shamed for living in fat bodies. Much like the rest of society, thin body positivity is still driven by the fear of fat, and does nothing to dismantle fatphobia within structures or within themselves.

Evette Dionne sums it up perfectly in her article, “The Fragility of Body Positivity: How a Radical Movement Lost Its Way.”

“The body-positive media economy centers these affirming, empowering, let-me-pinch-a-fat-roll-to-show-how-much-I-love-myself stories while failing to actually challenge institutions to stop discriminating against fat people. More importantly, most of those stories center thin, white, cisgender, heterosexual women who have co-opted the movement to build their brands. Rutter has labeled this erasure ‘Socially Acceptable Body Positivity.’

“On social media, it actually gets worse for fat bodies: We’re not just being erased from body positivity, fat women are being actively vilified. Health has become the stick with which to beat fat people with [sic], and the benchmark for whether body positivity should include someone” (Dionne).

Ah, yes. The medicalization of fat bodies, and the moralization of health. I’ve ranted about this before. Countless comments on posts of big women that say stuff like “I’m all for body positivity, but this is just unhealthy and it shouldn’t be celebrated.” I’ve heard writer/activist Aubrey Gordon once say that body positivity has become something like a shield for anti-fatness. It’s anti-fatness that has been repackaged as empowerment. It’s a striking double-standard. Fat people are told to be comfortable in their bodies (as if that’s what’s going to fix things) but in turn are punished when they’re okay with being fat. Make it make sense.

Since thin people feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces, and they get to hide behind “health” when they are picking and choosing who can and cannot be body positive, they base it off of who looks the most socially acceptable. And I’m sure they aren’t consciously picking and choosing, it comes from implicit bias. But the socially acceptable bodies they center are small to medium fat, with an hourglass shape. They have shaped a new beauty standard specifically FOR FAT PEOPLE. (Have you ever seen a plus sized model with neck fat?? I’m genuinely asking because I have yet to find one!) The bopo movement works to exclude and silence people who are on the largest end of the weight spectrum. 

Speaking of exclusion, let’s talk about fashion for a minute.

For some reason, (COUGH COUGH CAPITALISM) body positivity is largely centered around fashion. And surprise surprise, it’s still not inclusive to fat people. Fashion companies get a pat on the back for expanding their sizing two sizes up from what they previously offered, when they are still leaving out larger fat people completely. In general, clothing companies charge more for clothes with more fabric, so people who need the largest sizes are left high and dry. It’s next to impossible to find affordable clothes that also look nice. Fashion piggybacks on the bopo movement as a marketing tactic, and exploits the very bodies it claims to be serving. (Need I mention the time Urban Outfitters used a "curvy” model to sell a size it doesn’t even carry?)

The movement also works to exclude and silence fat Black activists.

In her article, “The Body Positivity Movement Both Takes From and Erases Fat Black Women” Donyae Coles explains how both white people and thin celebrities such as Jameela Jamil profit from the movement that Black women built.

“Since long before blogging was a thing, fat Black women have been vocal about body acceptance, with women like Sharon Quinn and Marie Denee, or the work of Sonya Renee Taylor with The Body Is Not An Apology. We’ve been out here, and we’re still here, but the overwhelming face of the movement is white and thin because the mainstream still craves it, and white and thin people have no problem with profiting off the work of fat, non-white bodies.”

“There is a persistent belief that when thin and/or white people enter the body positive realm and begin to repeat the messages that Black women have been saying for years in some cases, when they imitate the labor that Black women have already put in that we should be thankful that they are “boosting” our message. This completely ignores the fact that in doing so they are profiting off of that labor. They are gaining the notoriety, the mark of an expert in something they learned from an ignored Black woman” (Coles).

My next essay will go into detail about this and illuminate key figures who paved the way for body acceptance in communities of color. 

The true purpose of this movement has gotten completely lost. So where the fuck do we go from here? 

We break up with it, and run back to the faithful ex our parents disapproved of. We go back to the roots of the fat liberation movement, carved out for us by the fat feminists, the queer fat activists, the fat Black community, and the allies it began with. Everything they have preached since the 1960s and 70s is one hundred percent applicable today. We get educated. We examine diet culture through a capitalist lens. We tackle thin, white-supremacist systems and weight based discrimination, as well as internalized bias. We challenge our healthcare workers to unlearn their bias, treat, and support fat patients accordingly. We make our homes and spaces accessible and welcoming to people of any size, or any (dis)ability. “We must first protect and uplift people in marginalized bodies, only then can we mandate self-love” (Gordon).

Think about it. In the face of discrimination, mistreatment, and emotional abuse, we as a society are telling fat people to love their bodies, when we should be putting our energy toward removing those fatphobic ideas and structures so that fat people can live in a world that doesn’t require them to feel bad about their bodies. It’s like hitting someone with a rock and telling them not to bruise!

While learning to love and care for the body that you’re in is important, I think that body positivity also fails in teaching that because it puts even more emphasis on beauty. Instead of saying, “you don’t have to be ‘beautiful’ to be loved and appreciated,” its main lesson is that “all bodies are beautiful.” We live in a society obsessed with appearance, and it is irresponsible to ignore the hierarchy of beauty standards that exist in every space. Although it should be relative, “beautiful” has been given a meaning. And that meaning is thin, abled, symmetric, and eurocentric. 

Beauty and ugliness are irrelevant, made-up constructs. People will always be drawn to you no matter what, so you deserve to exist in your body without struggling to conform to an impossible and bigoted standard. Love and accept your body for YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE, because you do not exist to please the eyes of other people. That’s what I wish we were teaching instead. Radical self acceptance!

As of today, the ultimate message of the body positivity movement is: Love your body “despite its imperfections.” Or people with “perfect and imperfect bodies both deserve love.” As long as we are upholding the notion that there IS a perfect body that looks a certain way, and every body that falls outside of that category is imperfect, we are upholding white supremacy, eugenics, anti-fatness, and ableism.

[sanktyastag]

What you said about Aleksander not telling her what happened and why he left and I'll add to that not telling her how the fold was an accident etc is so blatantly a narrative mistep, there is no way to logically conclude "oh he didn't tell her because" what? it's entirely because her knowing those things would make her side with him or at the least understand his pov or worse make the whole "darkling is evil incarnate" while my kind is being murdered hunted and experimented on from 4 sides(cont)

[(cont) And it makes the fact that the hill these writers chose to die on is the fold which was accidental and then the only thing preventing even more atrocities to grisha used by the only person doing anything at all about it including their heroes who instead choose to support an absolutely corrupt monarchy who's done nothing but use an abuse them in numerous ways and then leave said minority even worse than they found them make even less sense than it already does.]

Oooh now here's a spicy take. I agree with you, anon, I feel like there's quite a bit of dissonance between how the show wants the characters to feel about the events that take place on screen, versus what it wants the audience to feel about those same events. Which wouldn't, necessarily, be a problem, except it never resolves the disparity between those two viewpoints, so we're left feeling disconnected from the goals of the protagonists.

I'm going to write an essay now, so it's going under a cut, lol.

The pitfall of SaB, I think, is that it often feels like the writers are trying to address and flesh out areas that the books themselves aren't really concerned with, whilst simultaneously staying true to the story as it's written on the page. And normally a show fleshing out an underdeveloped book concept would improve the story being told, except for the fact that the books are... almost wholly reliant on those things never being addressed in order for the events to take place the way that they do. The showrunners chose to engage with those dropped characters elements, so we now have conflict between the characters as they're presented to us, and the actual story being told.

Which is funny, because they had two different directions they could have expanded on Aleksander's character, and I feel like the show accidentally expanded on the wrong ones? I mean, I sure like what they had to say, but it doesn't really fit the story that they're trying to tell.

Because here's the thing. The books actually want Aleksander to be a sympathetic and well-intentioned character. The issue is that he's so disenfranchised with life that he's turned to extremism. He's caught up in this idea of saving his people, but "people" have become an abstract concept to him. He's looking at the long game so intently, he's blind to the real people in front of him who are suffering for his actions. And that's an interesting narrative to play with! It's so niche to the circumstances of having a character live through centuries of conflict, and distancing himself from the people he's trying to save as a defense mechanism to the endless trauma he's facing. Unfortunately, the books have no interest in engaging with that belief, so it's presented as an immutable fact of his character, rather than a flaw to be challenged, which renders it... much less interesting to read about.

So the weirdness lies within the show, then, expanding on the sympathetic aspects of Aleksander's character, instead of his flaws. They actually made him more involved with the lives of the Grisha he commands, they gave him more reason to attack Novokribirsk, by establishing Zlatan's army. They removed the layers of calculation and distance his book-self had, and made him very human and emotional, but then they continued to treat him as if he still had those book traits of being manipulative, ruthless, and amoral. Which is... disorienting.

Like, if they wanted to make him sympathetic while simultaneously demonizing his character, all they would have had to do was rearrange some scenes. Make it so that Aleksander's backstory is him explaining the creation of the fold to Alina. Throw the events into doubt by having it be told through an unreliable narrator (Aleksander himself), and bam, now it can be both backstory, and a way to manipulate a girl into feeling sorry for him. Same with the assassination attempt. Have him explain what happened and also have him use it as a way to engender trust with Alina, by instilling it with an us vs them agenda.

And then, just... let them have a full conversation. Instead of having Alina say that he's a monster beyond saving without ever discussing anything with him, give Aleksander a chance to explain, have Alina disagree with his methods, and have him force her to go along with them anyways. Bam. There's the story they wanted to tell, wrapped up in a neat little bow.

Of course, all that that fixes is the contradictions in their own story, not actually the quality of the story itself, imo. That's still a storyline that's only engaging with Aleksander's points at the most shallow, baseline level, which would allow them to tell that bland "radical freedom fighter is correct, but also burns down orphanages, so unfortunately we're going to have to side with the right-leaning centrist alternative" narrative that every corporation-run television show is so fond of these days.

But I mean. At least then I could consistently disagree with the story that's being told, instead of being left staring at my screen, trying to figure out if they want Aleksander to be redeemable or not, lol.

[kojinnie]

Why you should NOT date AOT boys... (2)

I advised you but you still didn’t listen just because your fave was not on the first part. So hereby I present to you, reasons why these boys will only give you headache, part two!

Enjoy my lovelies, and stop hurting yourself with these men!

Regards,

Your ever-so-concerned friend, Kojin.

erwin - zeke - jean - connie

part one here (levi - eren - armin - reiner)

— ERWIN

This is not gonna be easy. You’re dealing with a man who has received multitude of achievements and recognition for being who he is and for doing things his own way, so obviously he is at that point in his life where he’s very comfortable in being who he already is. It’s all for a reason though, for Erwin oozes a certain kind of authority that is justified by his sharp thinking and years of experience. He is a self-made man and his success was the work of nobody but his own doing. So obviously, he has this uncanny self-assurance that is not easy to be dissuaded. He is ”The Man” character you hear about in pop songs and movies, and alike to dating Levi, the idea of being with Erwin gives you a sense of pride, you’ll be the most flattered whenever you hear people look at you with certain kind of acknowledgment, “Oh, that’s the one Erwin chooses.”

If you have problem with your self-esteem or you constantly doubt yourself, being with Erwin –especially when you have an established relationship— can really encourage you, to make you realize that there is a great thing in you, that even someone with the caliber of Erwin Smith can see. However, this may also lead to a bad thing because little by little, whether you realize it or not, your identity will be blurred with the constant presence of Erwin around you, simply because he has that magnificence in him that lures the limelight in, and your name will only be left as a prop to better dress the mannequin. This is a man who hardly ever hears “no” in his life, although he will never be violent or do things against your wish, it feels natural for him to always have a say in whatever you do. From the way you dress, your career trajectory, to decision for everyday chore. You would often feel as if you have no room to grow on your own because everything is decided by Erwin, where your opinion is dismissed. The most infuriating aspect of Erwin is that he will do all the aforementioned in such a sweet way. Caressing your cheek, patting your head softly before condescendingly says things like: “Honey, if you’ve seen what I’ve seen, you’ll understand. So for now, let’s just go with [insert his decision], okay?”

The ideal relationship for you and Erwin is if you have been with him since the get-go, before he made a name for himself. The good thing about Erwin is that he values nurture and he will show the utmost gratitude to whomever stood by him since day one. He will flaunt you, mention your name in every awarding speech, praise your perseverance for staying with him while actively making your own mark in your job. Basically, to survive a healthy and thriving romantic relationship with Erwin, you gotta see the quality in him before all the flashy titles, and you gotta be at similar degree of excellence with him. You gotta have his respect, you gotta make a name for yourself, only then he will listen to you and treat you as equal. So if you are still unsure about yourself, and you need constant reassurance about your role in this world, don’t go for Erwin, it will only exacerbate your self-doubt.

— ZEKE

Good god, this man. Where do I start? Okay, so you’re dealing with someone similar to Erwin, who enjoys a point in his life where his professional excellence has been widely established, he even has attained an almost mythical status. Remember how much the Warriors look up to him, saying things like “The enemies are no match to Zeke”? That’s basically his everyday life, and he has gotten so used to hearing that drilled into his ears for years.

For sure, he has a solid self-assurance; he knows what he wants, he knows how to get it, and anyone’s opinion holds very little value to him. But unlike Erwin, Zeke has grown sick of the compliment and has come to think that people are just licking his ass. This is because he made his success with little to no help from anyone else, and he has seen how differently people treated him back when he was just a nameless guy, compared to now, where he has made a name for himself. This experience, created a contradiction in his personality: One, the confident and self-assured Zeke, where he realizes that he’s smarter than most people, and; Two, the self-doubting Zeke, thinking that he is deemed as smart just because everyone comparable to him is stupid. He fears that it’s only until he meets someone smarter than him, before people finally realize that he’s a fraud. He’s the type to spew seemingly condescending remarks in a very casual way, like whenever someone comes to him in an awe and asks how does he do the things he does, he will just shrug it off and say, “I don’t know why everyone’s making a big deal out of that. It’s so easy.” When actually it’s just him, displaying his incomprehension on what make people think that he’s amazing when he hardly sees it.

Zeke leads a life where he thinks he can do whatever he wants, since he does not have a care in the world for anyone’s opinion and validation. This is because Zeke thinks either they are unworthy of his attention, or any person who has ever shown any interest towards him was only after something for themselves. In his early life, Zeke gets used a lot by people he trusted, and so this resulted in him not believing that someone would come to him and truly care for him with no pretense or hidden motives. The idea that he can be loved unconditionally is incredibly foreign, if not impossible to him. And this is the truth about him that he does not like to admit.

This is a person whose motto is to “enjoy things” because the enjoyment of things keeps him distracted from the disappointment he holds against people. So naturally, he does not like sentimental attachment, let alone committed relationship. What Zeke needs is just someone that he can ring up casually (and only occasionally because he’s always kept up with a lot of his professional endeavors), and spoil him with nearly childish affection. He likes to come home to someone who does not see him as this heroic figure that everybody sees, and rather just a careless kid who collects baseball cards with no active parent figure. He likes the cuddles, the kisses, the strokes, the lazy mornings where you pamper him like a demanding baby, because he never gets to experience such candid loving from his childhood, for he had to fend for himself since very young.

He likes to call you up late at night, with a sulk in his voice, “Baby can I come over…?” for you to act annoyed and reluctantly say yes to him. He likes that. He’s corny like that. But once he’s out the door, don’t expect him to text his whereabout or make your name known to the world, because he cannot afford such dire attachment. He’s as free as the bird, and after all, caging him into a committal relationship only justifies his belief that someone would only love him because they’re after something.

— JEAN

Jean is tenacity personified. He wasn’t born talented or lucky enough to have special heritage runs in his blood, he is flawed with a lot of shortcomings, but what makes him stands out is his capability to persevere in the eyes of adversity. To keep on trying although he does not pass the initial mark, and that’s exactly what makes him special. In dating Jean, you will never run out of things to do or talk about, because Jean will always try to make the best out of every situation with his resourcefulness. It’s very nourishing to see someone make such a big effort for you, and if you lack assurance that someone would go extra miles for you, then seeing Jean breaks his back trying to catch your smile is such a sight that you will cherish for a long time.

However, deep inside, Jean is a very exhausted man. He often feels like he is at the end of his wit trying to make everything works. He is deeply wearied by having to be at his top game every minute to compete, and fears that if his grasp slips even just a little, he will quickly fall behind everyone. This will result in Jean being torn apart between work and you, for he always has the urge to put tenfold effort to match others’ casual effort. So expect a lot of calls unanswered and rescheduled date nights during the weekdays. Although he feels extremely regretful with this condition, he also believes that there is nothing he can do, for he thinks he was born unfortunate and this is the effort he has to make due in order to catch up with the others.

All this unhealthy sense of urgency from always having the need to compete often sends Jean into a state of paranoia. He fears that people may team up against him, or that he’s being left out. It’s really frustrating to see Jean having the need to reply to a stupid meme Eren sends at 4 AM while getting high, just because Jean fears that if he does not reply immediately, he will wake up the next day with people already talking about the things he missed. He is always on guard, and as much as he tries to give in to his relationship with you, sometimes you would feel like his mind is not at home. His mind is out there wondering whether he will ever make a name for himself without being compared to people who exerts considerably less effort than him.

Being with Jean, you gotta understand where his fear lies, and you gotta be very calm when dealing with all of his paranoid urges. Whenever he’s not home because he overworks himself, don’t bombard him with calls and text messages, just give him time and welcome him home with warmth and a sense of ease. Be the person where he puts his hair down after a whole day of gruesome work. Jean needs a lot of validation especially from the person he loves (and he feels guilty towards for seemingly neglecting you over work), all he needs to hear is just “You did well today”, and he would be more than thankful. Make time as well to give him little surprise, to make him realizes that you are the one place he does not need to compete with anyone else for you are his home. When it comes to Jean, it’s about give and take, he doesn’t do well with a diva who demands attention 24/7, nor he does well with someone who is seemingly way over his league, for it will worsen his insecurity.

Point is, Jean is an amazing man, guys, I couldn’t really point out why you should NOT date him, because in fact, you SHOULD date him. Being with him is a learning curve, not only for you but also for him, to understand that in a relationship not only that you gotta love, but also to compromise.

— CONNIE

Connie, oh Connie. We all love Connie, he’s the guy who would complete a picture, a party is a bore without the sight of him, we all just love us some Connie, but often to his expense. People love Connie because he is outgoing, humble, and has this salt-of-the-earth persona, but more often than not, people also use him as a comedic relief, and although at first, he enjoys it because he would like the idea that people look forward to him, sometimes it also takes a toll in him, it makes Connie wonder whether he will ever be fit for bigger purpose other than someone else’s humor.

Connie thrives in being helpful to other people, he believes being of service is his greatest merit and thus he never complains whenever someone asks him to do something, nor does he ever dislike doing things for other people. But often he wonders even after all the great services he has done to other people, why haven’t people seen him as more than just a comedic relief? Why can’t he be the hero of a story, instead of just the people’s favorite side character? This thought lingers a lot in his mind, and if he does not find a way to let it out somehow, this may grow into a bitterness for he feels used.

Make no mistake though, Connie does not yearn to have the limelight on his own, he is content with his position, all he needs is a bit of credit and affirmation that he is as important his other peers. That he is not overlooked nor that he is expendable. Without this, Connie might grow to become resentful of people as he thinks they will only use him to their advantages. He will get easily jealous or at high alert, just because you passingly joke about Jean being handsome with his new haircut. He may go into that rabbit hole of anxiety, waiting until the day when you finally leave him for being mediocre and opt for his more attractive friend.

When this side of him comes out, initially he will be overtly self-deprecating. Masking it as a joke just to fish a reaction from you. If you laugh along, not knowing that it was a test, he will be sure that you are just using him and it won’t be long until you depart for someone with more load than him. Once he sets his mind, he can be quite vindictive to you, casually assuming you of the worst while trying to pass it as a joke. When this side of Connie comes out, the last thing you should do is to get riled up. Connie is not being rational, so you gotta be the adult here unfortunately. You gotta shower him with a lot of affection in the form of services like he’s always do to people around him, and slowly work your way to the topic you are meaning to ask. Connie might be alluding the question for a while, until he finally comes clean that he was jealous and did not know how to properly address this feeling.

Being with Connie comes with the responsibility of making a home for him where finally he gets to be the center attention. He is not a narcissist, so he does not want everything to center around him. All he wanna be is to be seen, in which every effort he has made to the people he loves are being outwardly recognized and thanked for. Little things would really make Connie happy, like posting a lot of photos with him on your social media, or arranging surprise birthday party with his co-workers where he can finally experience what it feels like to be the likes of Eren or Jean.

Thank you guys for all the likes, reblogs and comments - YOU ALL MAKE MY DAY. I was on the verge of being sure that no one would like things I write, but this.. This... (wails in telenovela style). I thank you and I wish you a great week ahead!

Guys for real if you still simp these guys even after this fair warning then I have no choice but to give you a personalized reason on why you should not date your fave AOT characters! 

> [CLOSED] Twisted Match-Up!  Send me three worst traits of yours + your AOT fave character and I’ll make you a short scenario on how shitty your relationship would be with them.  Fire away here!

[rotationalsymmetry]

Ok, searching for “wellerman discourse” in tags got me there. Link here: x

Ok, so: it does say not to sing it, which I was somewhat cynically suspecting wasn’t even the case, but ok. It’s a post from a single 19 year old — there’s a ton of notes, but I didn’t slog through the comments to see how many were agreeing ... I’m guessing they tend towards arguing, given what I’ve seen from people who didn’t reblog the post.

The post suggests most people who’ve been listening to this don’t know the history. I suspect that’s very likely, especially since the versions I’ve run into are mostly just the chorus and don’t even include the verses.

The one person I was actually following who agreed with this person (the vast majority of posts I’ve seen disagree) I’ve since decided to unfollow, because I decided the ratio of arguing about things I’m already sold on vs new info was Not Good.

There is a broader issue, I think, which includes things like who gets to decide. I think a lot of the social justice world has come around to the idea that indigenous people get to decide about things like who gets to do their religious rituals — whether indigenous get to decide who gets to sing songs involving their history is not remotely the same question, but... it’s pretty easy for white people to talk over indigenous people on social media — in this case I had to specifically go looking for this post, even though I’ve been making an effort to follow blogs by indigenous people on indigenous issues — and it’s a lot easier to find eg posts by white people sayign things like “well, Maori people would have been among the people singing this song, so that means it’s fine” and...that’s not actually a good argument.

We need to seek right relationship. Right now, relations between colonizers and indigenous people are bad. Really bad. I don’t know that avoiding a specific song based on one person’s post is the best way to go about fixing that. But, some start needs to be made somewhere.

I’m reminded of a story I heard from a mother of a transracially adopted child, and the (adult or maybe teenaged, don’t remember) child asked her not to use a particular word. And her first reaction was, oh, that’s not what the etymology is. But the thing is, sometimes it doesn’t matter what the etymology is, what position is technically correct. What matters is treating people like people and repairing messed up relationships.

People know this when it’s one-on-one relationships — it’s hard to put it into practice, but I think most people know the principle. If you’re fighting over who’s right, you’re going to cause a whole lot of hurt feelings. You might “win” the fight, but you can’t win a happy relationship that way.

So, do you want to win an argument about a specific sea shanty. Or, do you want to make the world a better place. Because you can’t have both.

(And, good grief, I’m not (I am never) saying it’s a good idea to send anon hate to people posting about the song or whatever. That’s not making the world better either, that’s not repairing wrecked relationships.)

It’s complicated on tumblr, when sometimes being confrontational or controversial gets more notes, and people who are kind and nuanced don’t get as much attention.

...people always want it to be this really straightforward thing of “ok so either sharing tiktoks of this specific song is OK or it isn’t” and I don’t think it’s that simple. I think it’s important to treat it more like one on one interactions with someone you want to be on good terms with, you know? And in those cases, it’s often not about what you end up deciding to do so much as the process. I mean, what you do matters, but it is only part of what matters.

Are you asking or telling. Are you trying to understand. Are you listening or are you waiting for your turn to talk. Do you believe the other person has something worth saying.

I think the wellerman thing is more about it NOT explicitly talking about the Maori and colonialism, but I can’t TELL because I haven’t seen a single post actually criticizing the song directly, only posts responding to the criticism.

[wakaoujisenhime]

Just once - Choso x reader

Synopsis: At a party you get roped up by your classmate Momo to conduct a summoning ritual for a demon she assigns you. Though unwilling, you still comply and do as instructed. Unfortunately for you, the ritual you hoped to debunk as pure nonsense unexpectedly worked out...

tags/warnings: Choso x reader ✅ blood kink ✅ (slight) blood/knife play ✅ (and for the more sensitive readers a tw.) a more or less detailed description of skin being cut open ✅ more erotic than nsfw ✅

A/N: I just needed an excuse to write for my main man Choso and thanks to @seijorhi and her Deal with the Devil collab I found the opportunity! Please enjoy and make sure to check everyone else’s wonderful works out as well!! (〃ω〃)

.wc 5.4k

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

Booming music, colorful and constantly changing LED lights, people who were either drunk or high, in some cases even both, surrounded you. Such a sight wasn’t unfamiliar to you since most university students celebrated their monthly parties in the same fashion. You weren’t a regular participant in these events, but tonight you just wanted to let loose and dance the stress, which had accumulated this past week, away.

After doing what you came for, you went up to the small bar, ordered a drink, and disappeared into the crowd to look for someone you were familiar with. And truly, you spotted two familiar faces in one of the gigantic room’s corners. The pair you were now walking towards consisted of Megumi and Momo. It was truly rare to see these two together let alone see them talking to each other while others surrounded them, but you figured that in such get-togethers nothing was impossible.

“Hi there you two, how are you doing?” you asked the moment you joined their small group. 

Megumi greeted you with a small nod and a rather tortured expression that was most likely supposed to represent a call for help, but before you could find out more about that, Momo took a hold of both of your hands and squeezed them slightly as she said: “(Y/N), you’ve got a perfect timing as always! We were just discussing our summoning plan and we needed one more participant, so pleaseee could you do us the favor and join us?”

To clear up your obvious confusion, the black-haired young man explained to you that the group, which surrounded you, had talked about the occult before they reached the topic of demon summoning rituals and eventually ended up wanting to try different ones out themselves. 

You found it rather funny that someone like Megumi had been caught up in such a talk, but it wasn’t surprising, considering that he had two tattoos, which resembled some kind of triangular runes on the back of his hands, dressed entirely in black, and had a rather dark and gloomy aura that surrounded him. Though many people avoided him, thinking that he was really scary, you knew that he was one of the nicest people you’ve come across and that his mood was heavily influenced by his rather lively best friends who often embarrassed him in public, just so that he could remain by their side.

Momo on the other hand was notorious for her fascination with the occult and supernatural phenomenons in general. Not only was she always dressed in a stereotypical way for those who shared the same fascination as her, but she also preferred to make it known rather than hide it. Threatening people to curse them if they annoyed or attacked her in any way, openly experimenting on self-made voodoo dolls, and carrying various charms with a questionable appearance as accessories for her backpack were some of her many daily characteristic features she displayed. The two of you weren’t especially close, but you were one of the few who understood her true intentions and beliefs that were hiding beneath her many layers.

“I’m not quite sure if I’m the best fit for this...task, maybe you should pick someone else” you finally said with an apologetic smile on your lips, but the blond simply brushed your refusal off with a wide grin.

“Oh, nonsense! There’s no such thing as the ‘perfect fit’ in stuff like that, anyone with an intention of summoning is enough!”

And with that, you were now one of the participants.

After basically being forced to comply, your group sat at a remote table and discussed the upcoming procedures. Throughout the entire talk, both you and Megumi simply chatted with each other and half-heartedly agreed to anything the others asked of you. By the end of it all, you two were stuck with individual books about the entities you were supposed to summon.

“So, who did you get?” you asked after taking a glance at your own rather thin book.

“Apparently, I’ve been given the privilege to attempt a summon of ‘The King of curses’, what about you?”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the sarcastic way the young man had quoted his book’s title and answered that yours didn’t even have a fancy name like that, and just went by “The Blood Devil”. 

The two of you stayed at the party for another half an hour during which you basically complained about your individual lives and then slowly but surely made your way back home…

——

With a somewhat relieved sigh, you remove your shoes from your feet and throw them in the corner of your entryway. Your hands massage the back of your neck slightly while you slowly make yourself on the way to your bedroom. It was no secret that you were fatigued enough to just drop everything and fall asleep right then and there, but your conscience nagged you like some kind of parental figure, whispering one order after the other until you just gave up and decided to do everything the proper way.

After leaving your bag on the chair next to your desk, you quickly get rid of your slightly sweaty clothes and enter your bathroom to take a much-needed warm shower, in hope that it would help you relieve some tension. And it did.

A couple of minutes later you exit the steamy room and start getting ready for bed. Just as you were about to turn off your room’s lights, the book Momo had given you caught your attention. After motionlessly standing in one spot for what felt like half an hour, you cursed your curiosity and took said book out of your bag, and began skimming through its contents. 

You didn’t intend to read more than necessary, just the first page which warned you of possible risks should’ve been enough, but the moment you had continued past it, it was as if you couldn’t stop yourself anymore. This book that supposedly held dangerous information on how you’d be able to summon some kind of otherworldly entity seemed like some kind of fairytale collection to you. 

The first chapter talked about some kind of man who had made use of a woman and her unborn children, a pretty disturbing and inhuman act that you skipped for the most part. Next in line was a whole chapter dedicated to these nine unborn and mostly undeveloped children, the tragic story of them getting locked up in jars, and how only three of them had managed to gain some kind of stability (if you can even call it that). Finally, the third and last chapter before the entire ‘How-to-prepare-the-ceremony’ segment focused solely on the eldest brother and how he’d successfully escaped his dire fate and had become the being known as the ‘Blood Devil’.

Now that you had reached the end of the introductory phase, the preparations for the ritual awaited you, and even though you hadn’t intended on trying your luck with summoning the same night you had received the book, you decided to just do it as quick as possible so that Momo didn’t feel the need to bother you daily with how far you’d gotten.

Shortly after you had gathered the needed materials and had prepared the requested furnishings for the ceremony. With the booklet in one hand, you once again checked whether everything you needed was fulfilled.

Four candles, a small table, a bowl, a kitchen knife, and some salt...Ok, that should be all

Looking at the items before you, you couldn’t help but wonder whether this ritual had indeed some kind of truth behind it and wasn’t just one of many parodies. 

With this slightly uneasy feeling, you once again took a look at the list.

𝙵𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚍/𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚕𝚎𝚜, 𝚊 𝚠𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎 (𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚔𝚢 𝚊 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎), 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚠𝚕 (𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚌 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚟𝚘𝚕𝚞𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝟹𝟶𝟶-𝟻𝟶𝟶𝚖𝚕), 𝚊 𝚔𝚗𝚒𝚏𝚎 (𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚟𝚢 𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚍𝚎), 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚊𝚕𝚝 (𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚊𝚕𝚝)

For a ritual to have such specific instructions, it’s quite...unusual, isn’t it? 

The required items weren’t the only detailed requirements you had to fulfill, secondary things that mainly concerned the atmosphere were also important to consider. Things such as the right room temperature, the dark lighting of the room you’d use for the ritual, the exact sequence of preparing the summoning circle and its unique symbols, and many more were enumerated just below the first bulleted list.

You set your worried thoughts aside, deciding to just humor this ritual and complete it to the best of your abilities, because the satisfaction you’d feel after this summoning ceremony fails despite you doing your best, would be indescribable. And with that, you began preparing everything step by step, double and triple-checking the book for confirmation until everything was ready.

With a sigh of satisfaction, you take a step back to admire what you had just spent half an hour on. You had placed the table in the middle of your room, the red candles positioned on each of its edges, on top of the wooden surface you’d drawn the circle as good as you could with your slightly trembling hand, and lastly, you’d placed the bowl on the floor in front of where you were to kneel with the knife on top of the rim of the receptacle.

Here goes nothing…

You kneeled and put the book beside you. With slightly shaky hands you took the knife and cut a horizontal line along your palm, as expected it stung a little but the pain wasn’t something unbearable. Slightly fascinated by the deep red color of your blood you watched the liquid slowly roll down your hand and drip into the empty bowl, staining its white material. As instructed by the book you poised in that position until your wound started to congeal and that was when you were finally allowed to relax yourself and continue. 

Next up you had to pour the collected blood over the salt circle and retrace its lines and patterns as precisely as you could, which you did. Now that this step was done as well, you looked at the completed handiwork and sighed to yourself, dreading the thought of having to clean all of this up later on.

You took another glance at the instructions and couldn’t help but cringe internally at the next and supposedly final step.

Alright then, let’s get this over with…

“With this humble offering I, (Y/N)(L/N), hereby summon thou. Oh, Devil of blood please, hear this mortal’s desperate plea and allow me to bear witness to thyn unique countenances that thee possesses.”

And with this the ritual was complete.

You remained motionless, waiting for something to happen, but everything stayed the same and you couldn’t help but embrace that internal relief inside of you which was silently thankful for the failure. 

Just as you were about to get up from your uncomfortable pose and begin to clean everything up, the candles’ flames suddenly went out before your very eyes and without your influence. With slightly wide eyes you scanned everything before you. You knew that you had closed the windows before even starting the ritual, so that eliminated one possible reason and at the same time, the most rational one. 

As nothing else happened you decided to simply blame it on your imagination and slight paranoia, but that’s when the faint sound of bubbling liquid ruined that small ray of hope you’d held on to. You slowly looked down at the bowl which was filled with your blood and you could’ve sworn that the deep red substance was slowly rising until it overflowed. 

All you could do was back away from the red puddle which was steadily growing and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon.

“W-What the hell is happening?” you asked yourself in panic as your wide eyes observed the way your blood began forming something, or better said, someone.

The mass before you began to take form and it was then that you noticed the knife which was lying a few inches away next to the inhuman heap.

Driven by nothing but adrenaline you began crawling towards it and just as you were about to reach for the blade, something similar to a hand took a hold of your wrist. You jumped back in shock and fell rather uncomfortably on your bottom as you looked up to the blood-covered thing, watching its appearance slowly contort into that of a human.

And there before you stood a tall man with shoulder-long dark hair, a rather tired expression on his face, and his most prominent feature, a dark stripe running horizontally across his nose bridge. His eyes were focused on you for the first few seconds, then he began looking around as if to take in his surroundings.

“Where am I? …were you the one that summoned me? …what is it that you require me to do?” he asked in a monotone voice, not giving you even a second to collect yourself. Your panic didn’t allow you to form any rational thoughts, let alone answer him properly, and all you had in mind right now was to run away from whatever this person in front of you was.

The man watched how pale your face had become and simply stood there motionless, as you sloppily got up and sprinted out of your room’s door. He cast his gaze down to the knife you had intended to pick up and cracked an ever-so-small smile before leaving the room himself. 

Meanwhile, you had reached your front door and were hurriedly trying to unlock it, but the multiple bolts and your trembling hands were set on making you fail such a simple task. 

When you finally turned your keys for the last time, a big hand slammed the wooden door shut. The weight that pressed against your back made it unable for you to move away, so you simply leaned your forehead on the door in defeat, knowing fully well who had stopped you in your tracks.

I’m finished…

Now that the man behind you had rendered you more-or-less immobile, he decided to take a proper look at you and your body. His eyes traveled slowly along every curve, no matter how small or voluptuous, until something far more interesting caught his eye. Your injured and slightly bloody hand that still bore the cut you had to inflict on yourself for the ritual and even though the wound had begun to slowly close, it was still bloody enough for his preferences.

He removed his palm from the door and slowly let it slide down from your shoulder to your slightly trembling hand. The way his long fingers wrapped around your wrist made you shudder and as if that wasn’t enough, he also had to slowly turn you around so that he didn’t hurt your arm or dislocate your shoulder.

Now that you were facing the man, you couldn’t help but stare directly at him and the way he inspected your wound. His gentle touch contradicted his looks as well as every thought you had about him, but that animalistic glint you noticed in his eyes failed to hide his true nature.

With utmost care he let his fingers glide along the cut and if it weren’t for the unpleasant sting, you wouldn’t have noticed that with this small motion he had peeled off the thin layer of blood, which was trying to close up your wound. Despite your slightly agape mouth, no words were uttered, I mean, how could you? 

The man in front of you had reverted that small amount of red crust to its original liquid form and then by some magic turned it into a wonderful red ruby that resembled a bonbon. His dark eyes peered right into yours and didn’t even waver in the slightest as he slowly brought the red stone to his lips, gave it an experimental lick, and finally swallowed it.

D-Did he just…?

Judging by the satisfied expression on his face you thought that he would finally step aside and at least introduce himself or give you some sort of explanation as to what he just did and why, but no. The way he did nothing else and simply waited for some kind of reaction, annoyed you and it didn't take you long to act accordingly.

 “Now that you’ve got what you came for, would you mind moving out of my way?” you asked in a rather unfriendly tone, one that completely contradicted your earlier fear of this still nameless entity. 

Your behavior not only surprised the man but yourself as well. Summoning a literal demon wasn’t your typical everyday occurrence and yet you couldn’t quite comprehend it. The fear that should’ve rendered you immobile was good to non-existent and you figured it was thanks to his surprisingly tame and innocent behavior, so it was only natural for you to be in the illusion of holding the reins, right?

And that arrogant behavior of yours only escalated further as you managed to push the man to the side and finally get away from your front door. 

Being as naive as you were, you turned your back to him and not even a second later your entire body’s movement was shut down. No matter how hard you tried to move your legs, hands, or even fingers, nothing seemed to work - no, on the contrary, it appeared to you that the more you struggled against this seemingly invisible force, the harder it became for you to breathe.

“If you don’t want to collapse and die, you’ll need to seize all of your movements for the time being,” said the lean man in a low voice, and the moment his eyes met yours, you could’ve sworn that the corners of his lips shot upwards for a split second before he continued, “…since you’re already aware of my abilities, I’ll skip most of it and directly tell you the two most important things you’ll need to keep in mind from now on.”

Without waiting for any type of signal that could’ve represented your answer, he closed the distance between you two, and this time he got so close that you could practically smell him. Contrary to your expectations his scent was fairly faint and by no means unpleasant. If confronted with the question of what he smelled like, you’d have to say it resembled that of burning wood.

You watched helplessly as the man showed you the slightly bloody knife you had used for the ritual and that’s when the long-awaited fear suddenly overcame you. With widened eyes, you followed the blade which was mere inches away from the center of your chest, and the moment you felt the small tip pierce your shirt a silent yelp escaped your lips.

Not fazed by your obvious fear, the man proceeded with whatever he had in mind and moved the knife until it had reached your shoulder, cutting the thin fabric along the way. In response to his cold fingers that glided along your exposed shoulder and collarbone, goosebumps peppered your skin. Your heartbeat quickened and you didn’t know whether this was because of the fear of what he’ll do next or because you were kinda curious about what’s about to come.

Still unable to move a single muscle there was nothing left for you but to watch and feel how the blade was pressed against your skin until it had cut through it. The fact that he’d cut so close to your heart made it hurt more than your harmless cut earlier, but as if that wasn’t painful enough he began to slide the blade up until its tip had reached the top of your right shoulder.

Your throat dried up, muffling the scream you so badly wanted to release. A stream of warm tears ran along the curves of your cheeks and dripped down to your cleavage, where a rather thin but bloody line had split your skin open.

“I can control your blood flow and if I so desire, I can make you move your limbs according to my wishes…to put it simply, by summoning me with your blood, you made yourself my marionette.”

His expressionless eyes followed the many thin blood droplets that oozed out of your wound and just before they were able to stain your clothes with their deep scarlet color, he extended his finger, positioning it mere millimeters away from your skin. Through half-closed eyes, you watched in awe as your blood was being drawn to the fingertip of the man like a magnet and slowly turned into the same gem-like form from before. Your injury still hurt, but as you dared to take a slight glance at it, you noticed that all the blood was gone, sucked up by the finger of the demon, and turned into a shimmering stone that was once again swallowed like candy.

——

Some weeks passed after that surreal encounter and since then you’d been more or less forced to live with the entity you’d summoned. On that night he’d introduced himself as Choso and despite your desire to either send him back to wherever he came from or simply throw him out, neither option was going to end well. According to the man himself, summoning rituals were easier to conduct than the ones to banish demons back into the abyss. You would need to take several precautions into account and in Choso’s case, you’d have to fulfill nearly impossible tasks, such as collecting 20 liters of blood from pure-blooded siblings or finding and freeing one of his many siblings. 

Your second option of throwing him out was dismissed almost momentarily after he’d told you that he can’t survive without consuming someone’s blood; ideally, he’d only have to take a small amount of your blood once a week, but if you insisted on kicking him out, then he’d have to attack random people and since they didn’t summon him, the amount of blood he’d have to take from them would be fatal.

Living with a demonic entity was surprisingly pleasant, but you knew that this was most likely because of the man’s personality and that if you’d summoned someone else, it would’ve most likely ended up way differently.

He was taking his role as the eldest brother very seriously and despite not being part of his family, he treated you very lovingly and even willingly took on most of the homework, but only that which he was familiar with, such as sweeping the floor or washing the dishes. Whenever he behaved like that, you found it difficult to remember the fact that he was some type of devil and sometimes you even caught yourself thinking how you wished he’d stay with you forever. It was good to have someone living under the same roof as you, someone you could more or less trust with your possessions, and someone to lie down next to in the evening.

But despite these few perks you noticed how your health slowly started to deteriorate. Simple tasks such as homework, reading texts, or concentrating during lectures; things you usually mastered almost effortlessly, became more and more difficult with each passing week, and the reason for that was none other than Choso. 

Being his weekly food source didn’t come without any risks. 

He’d warned you that the amount of blood he’d take from you and then consume, won't be automatically regenerated by your body and that if you refused his help, you’d slowly die away. Being the rational human you were, you didn’t believe him, thinking that something like your blood being slowly taken away by him was sheer impossible, so you refused his offer of help even before he’d properly explained it.

A mistake you slowly came to regret.

This morning you had felt as if someone was constantly hitting your head with a thick book, your body felt so heavy that your usual walking speed had decreased drastically and because of it you were ten minutes late for your first lecture.

You figured that your appearance must’ve been quite horrible, since your usually uninterested teacher, Sir Nanami, actually stopped mid-sentence to ask whether you were feeling ok and whether you wanted to go to the nurse’s office for a while. You wanted to brush it off, but as soon as you shook your head, your vision blurred and you felt like you were losing the ground under your feet. Luckily, your seat neighbor Maki reacted quickly and held onto you before you fell from your chair. Anything that occurred afterward was lost to you and the next time you came back to your senses, you found yourself on your bed, wrapped warmly in your blanket.

“What…happened?” you asked half loud, not expecting an answer, as you slowly sat upright, leaning your back on your bed’s headboard and letting your eyes roam around the familiar surroundings.

“You lost consciousness during your class,” said a silent and gentle voice, “thanks to our…contract, I felt that you were close to collapsing, so I followed the scent of your blood and when I found you, I took you back home.”

While you were processing the information you were given, Choso slowly walked towards your bed and kneeled next to it, placing one of his hands on top of your own, softly caressing it in the process. You couldn’t help but crack a small smile at the gesture and sighed as you imagined how he must’ve entered your classroom, ignoring everything and everyone and simply coming to your seat, taking you in his arms, and leaving, as if it’s the most normal thing to do.

“I told you to be careful, didn’t I?” His sudden question caught you off guard and all you could do was look down in shame. Seeing you look so sad and crestfallen reminded Choso of his younger brothers and he instinctively reached for the top of your head with his free hand and softly petted it a few times before caressing it. Being comforted by a demon-like that truly did wonders. For once you ignored the fact that it was partially his fault and savored the moment.

“I know that you didn’t want to hear about it, but in view of your wellbeing I’m obligated to tell you about a way you can minimize the harm done to you” he paused and took a short breath before continuing, “if we make a proper deal with each other, I’m allowed to share a portion of my blood with you and that will make up for the amount I’m taking…but it’s not risk-free.” 

This time it was you who had to take a long breath, a futile attempt to make your heartbeat calm down. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you that a deal with the devil contains several risks, but the fact that Choso was willing to tell you about them, relieved you in a way. Before reluctantly accepting his offer you requested a more detailed explanation for your own mind’s peace. According to his words, the danger of consuming a demon’s blood was very addictive, and if not done properly, the human risks becoming entirely dependent, meaning, they would prefer blood instead of real food or water. 

The thought of not being able to eat and drink what you loved scared you of course, but the wish to gain a sense of normality back in your life prevailed and you eventually caved, telling him that you’d agree to his terms and drink his blood just once and never again…

At first, everything seemingly worked out. Your focus was back and you could once again dedicate yourself fully to university and friends. You were happy…but not for long.

One week passed and your throat began to feel raspy and dry. Accompanying these uncomfortable feelings was the undying urge to constantly drink something and whenever your drinking bottle was empty, you’d get really nervous and start nibbling on your lip. But the worst part of it all was how you’d caught yourself, thinking about wanting to bite Choso and lick the blood right out of the wound like some kind of vampire.

“What the hell is wrong with me..?” you thought to yourself while you gently let your hand run along the man’s head. He looked up at you for a mere second before he continued to enjoy his “meal”. A small and barely visible blush adorned your cheeks as soon as you realized what kind of situation you found yourself in right now. 

The man, whose head you had just caressed, was kneeling between your thighs, a small portion of your plush flesh between his teeth. He bit down until they pierced through it and drew blood. All the while your eyes followed every ever so small movement of his’s until the big red droplets of blood caught your attention. The two of you observed how they slowly grew larger than Choso’s teeth marks and finally began dripping down your slightly raised leg.

With an unexpected smile, the man bent down and licked the blood from your skin before it stained anything. Your breath hitched for a moment and usually, you’d either look away or close your eyes while he got his weekly portion, but this time you couldn’t help but downright stare at him as he sucked on your small wound. It shouldn’t have surprised you to see someone enjoying themselves when they eat, even if that someone was a supernatural entity, but this was the first time you had properly looked at Choso while he consumed your blood and for some reason, your heart started beating faster than ever before. 

You bit your lower lip as you watched how his slightly longer tongue slithered over the bloody marks on your thigh and the way he sometimes planted a soft kiss on it made you shiver from pleasure. Your body became gradually hotter, resulting in you having to breathe harder, and the slight red that had tainted your cheeks had now taken on a deeper shade.

“C-Choso…I need your blood, please” you stuttered out of nowhere in between your labored breaths.

At the mention of his name all of his movements seized and the man’s eyes slowly moved up to your reddened face. After what felt like minutes of pure silence, he let go of your leg, licked his lips, and removed the scarf around his neck. 

While he was getting himself ready for you, you looked at his pale skin and the black markings, which resembled Kinesio tapes that athletes sometimes used, running along it. 

Your impatience got the best of you and without wasting a second you got on your knees and faced him while he began looking around for something. Meanwhile, you were unable to focus on anything at all. Your eyes wandered from his face, down to his neck, along his collarbone and shoulder, and then back to his face yet again.

That something he searched for turned out to be the knife you’d used for his summoning ritual. He handed you the blade with the same stoic expression as always, but instead of taking it, you slapped it away and next thing you knew, you had wrapped your arms around his torso and had buried your teeth deep inside of his shoulder’s skin. The only reaction you got from him was a simple flinch as a result of your sudden embrace and nothing more, no sound, no sigh, nothing. 

But as of right now this was the last thing that occupied your mind, all you wanted to do was drink this man’s blood and finally quench the thirst you’d been suppressing for so long.

“That’s it, (Y/N)…satisfy your thirst…give in…don’t be afraid, it’ll only do you good” he cooed seductively in your ear as he let his big hand softly glide along your back.

With a devilish smile, he listened to the hungry way you lapped up the blood from his multiple shoulder wounds that you’d inflicted within a matter of seconds.

Satisfied by your behavior, he gently patted your head and closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of your wet and slightly rough tongue. 

If it weren’t for your indescribable hunger, you would’ve noticed the red glint in Choso’s usually dark and soulless eyes…

Now, you’re mine…

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No. 4

Synastry in the 12th house

…Can make two people secretly afraid of each other. They can be intrigued but also afraid of the depths the know the other person has. Things may go unexpressed between two people especially if Mercury is in hard aspect here. It can also cause misunderstandings. Someone’s Mars in your twelfth house will cause you to sense an animalistic sexual feeling coming from them or you may feel these feelings towards them but don’t know why. At its worst, you may feel like there is something aggressive about the other, but you really can’t place it. It may be an unexplainable, aggravating, and uneasy feeling. Someone’s moon here may feel like the other person has a deep understanding of you on an unconscious level giving. It may make you feel eerie or give you inner peace. 12th house also rules the spirit world so there can be an other-worldly feeling or telepathic insights between people with synastry in this house. Neptune can touching the Sun or the Moon can also indicate parents who might have substance abuse issues or alcoholic tendencies.

Aries Mars’

….Need to be careful not to expend so much of their energy during sex. They are prone to going balls to the wall *no pun intended* that it may be over rapidly. You all need to either find someone who is okay with multiple rounds of quickies, or they need to do solar plexus chakra work. They can learn to control their urge to get to their climax at NOS-aided speed. If they don’t get things under control and reel it back a bit, they run the risk of leaving their partner unsatisfied.

People with Venus in Aquarius

…Or Aquarius touching the Moon or Venus in hard aspect or Saturn/Uranus touching Mars or Moon in hard aspect, do not like to be touched. They like their bubble. They dislike PDA and can be awkward when it comes to physical affection. The ones who give the “weird hugs”. They like distance between them and others. However, these people can also be very good dancers since Venus is about Art and Mars is about action, and Uranus is all about sudden “breaks”. Dancers with this placement can bend and break their bodies however they see fit. Mars in Virgo can also be excellent dancers, especially in regimented forms of dancing like Ballet, or rhythmic gymnastics.

Libra placements and Taurean placements

….Are by far the most affectionate in terms of physical touch. Especially if in the 4th, 5th, or 7th. They are ruled by Venus and the 2nd house which rules the material. Things that are very much about the senses. They can have oral fixations. These people love having sex. Natives with Mars in Taurus [particularly men] will enjoy “eating” their partner out. Perfumes that smell nice, music, food, anything that sets an ambiance. They love massages. They like holding hands and making out. This will be especially true if any of these placements.planets fall into the 5th, 7th house, 4th house, 8th or 11th house in harmonious aspect.

Asteroid Sado

…is all about abuse and pain, if touching Saturn it can make one prone to cruelty or people can show this to them. They can also be very good at torture tactics but regimented since Saturn is about discipline. Pretty sure the folks running Guantanamo have this placement somewhere in their chart.

Saturn conjunct Algol

…Can make someone have a very high pain tolerance because Algol is also about pain and Saturn is about time.

Saturn opposing the moon

…Can make people struggle with fear of intimacy. They can completely avoid it. The good thing is when in opposition there is still the ability to balance. An opposition is just an imbalance, there needs to be equal reciprocal to keep things level. Natives with this placement need to remember it is okay to be vulnerable. They may do well having friends who are older. They need to overcome their fear of getting close to people. Not everyone will waste your time.

When someone's Priapus

…. is touching one of your personal planets or vice versa there will be an uncontrollable desire to merge with them. If it’s mercury you want to delve into their minds. If it’s Mars you want to fuck them constantly. If it’s Venus, you’re dying for them to love you. If it’s Jupiter, this is intense and buckle up. The urge to mate with them will be exacerbated. Also, watch out if this guy falls into the 8th house or when he conjuncts Black Moon Lilith.

Believe it or not, Capricorn placements

…Are the best in regard to knowing how the body operates.

Especially if it’s forming a harmonious aspect to a sexual planet or to Pluto/1st or the 8th house. Capricorn is about time and wealth. It is also an earth sign so they are very in touch with the physical. When this placement is messing with Mars or say, one’s Eros or Adonis, or whether these asteroids are in Capricorn or Lilith in Capricorn, they can be cold publically but a machine in the bedroom. They will typically like things on the rougher and more indulgent side of sex. They take their time and are extremely penetrative when figuring things out  *no pun intended*. They will decipher every movement, micro-movement, action vs reaction, and store it in the earthy archives of their minds for later. They’ll never forget. Mars in Capricorn can also be seen in the charts of many personal trainers.

Capricorn placements with Pluto in the mix

…Often become Doctors; specifically surgeons or morticians. Especially if Saturn rules 8th house, Midheaven in Scorpio, or Mars in Capricorn placement in either of these houses. Capricorn Venus’ can often Marry for money or have marriages based on political ambition. Arranged marriages can be seen here or a general formality in regard to love. Again, we’re dealing with the father of discipline energy so Capricorn Venus can be reticent to show love. They kiss you while you sleep, but show toughness while awake.

Capricorns also have a very strong psychic ability.

…Hear me out. Since Saturn is the Seagoat, he straddles both earth AND water. The Physical and the Spiritual. People with strong Saturn placements can often experience dreams that have strong karmic attachments to them. Past Life regression etc. Dreams of catastrophic events or dreams of court case outcomes. Especially if Saturn is in or ruling 12th house or the 8th house.

Taurus Venus

…Will purposefully and actively pursue their partner when they really want them. So if a Taurus Venus person isn’t giving you the time and attention you want, they may not be fully committed or interested in/to you. However, if this same Venus is opposing or squaring the native’s Pluto it can make them shy and secretly obsessed but withdrawn in demonstrating it. These are the people who can be in love secretly but never say a word. The ones who can orchestrate secret affairs for years and no one would be the wiser. Remember, 8th house is what’s hidden and forbidden and venus is about love.

Mars square Venus

….When flirting will poke fun at the object of their desire. They will see if the person can keep up with their banter. They’ll throw digs to see if the other can give it as good as they get it. They may also create drama for attention. Love just doesn’t feel right without passion and fire. They can also attract people who make scenes or bring drama into their lives.

An Unaspected Sun

…Can make one enigmatic or someone with aspects of themselves that will be hard to figure out. They may even be hard to remember. There will be something Neptunian about them. They sort of fade or blend into the background.

Lilith in the 3rd house

…May make a native addicted to writing. Particularly unafraid of writing about darker things. Taboo subjects. Even erotica. Lilith in the 6th house and the 2nd is a placement for many sex workers.

Mars in the 4th house can indicate military lineage or “army brats.”  While a Sun inconjunct or square to Uranus can indicate a father who is brilliant/a genius or a father who “split” early in a native’s life.

Gemini’s

…Actually like to show off more than Leo’s. But Leo’s show off less than Cancers. Cancers cry less than Pisceans but Pisceans can actually be some of the harshest people when angered. It is because they are ruled by Neptune, a water planet. In mythology, he is also known as the “Earth-Shaker”. Seas get violent too, people.

Contrary to popular belief, Virgo’s can actually be very messy.

Yes, messy, not dirty, there is a difference. As stereotypical as this sounds, they prefer clean sex and are the types to do it in the shower. As for the “messiness”, They of course will know where everything is but their mercurial energy can make them throw things here and there as they run around trying to get 10 things done before breakfast.

Mars and Juno

In synastry can indicate a couple/marriage that will be very active physically.

Mercury in aspect to Aquarius

…Or an Aquarius stellium can make people out of the box thinkers. The people will be inventors. The ones who create things you didn’t even know you needed. Things like the pop socket grip that goes on the back of your phone or 0 calorie carbonated water. Uranian placements can also be seen in people who are Asexual or conversely pansexual.

Contrary to popular belief, Mars in Scorpio

…Gets very attached actually when they have sex. That is because they feel sex is more than just a physical act but a merging of souls. This is Pluto we’re dealing with, remember. Merging is what he is about. So they prefer to not just have sex with anyone and can actually be quite picky about their sexual partners. Astro Musings No. 1  Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3  Astro Musings No. 5  Astro Musings No. 6 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8  Astro Musings No. 9  Astro Musings No. 10