#which. okay. feels bad. but i cant say she's entirely wrong

[muffinrag]

was playing Minecraft last night and my friend goes "hey this house is way up on a hill AND it's two stories shouldn't this be your house muffin? since you're better than everyone else?"

help?

[puppmeo]

Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody

[kiwisa]

sweet melody ✩ cl16

Charles Leclerc x Fem! Famous! Singer! Reader

part 2: serenade

IN WHICH... there is no better way to announce your relationship with someone than to dedicate an entire album to them.

user1 whAT THE FUCK??? A WARNING WOULD'VE BEEN NICE

user2 omg y/n is coming to save the year

user3 i already know those love songs are going to be out of this world

⤷ user4 how do you know there will be love songs???

⤷ user3 i don't know maybe the fact that there is a giant fucking heart on the cover? 🤨

user4 mother of the house

user5 suddenly my depression is cured

⤷ COMMENTS

Anonymous She is so in love, you can feel it from two miles away. This album is going to be a masterpiece, no doubt about it. I'm curious to see what the spontaneous, free, and loving Y/N will sound like. Can't wait.

Anonymous It's always a pleasure to read Y/N's interviews. She's one of the few artists with integrity left in this industry. Glad to see that her four-year break hasn't affected her way of considering music. I would've hated to witness the tiktokification of her music. Her creativity is her best asset.

Anonymous I don't know where to start between the explanation of the cover, that of the title, and the source of her inspiration… I feel that Y/N is going to release a classic album, filled with timeless love songs. I can't wait to see how she will deal with this theme, especially in her lyrics. We all know that her pen is one of the best in the industry.

user1 ok but technically is it soft-launch or hard-launch? cause she didn't tag him and you cant really see his entire face??

⤷ user2 she released an interview where she demonstrates in one thousand and one ways how in love she is and you're debating on whether it's a soft or hard launch??? that's the hardest launch i've ever fucking seen, we don't need a name at this point

user3 are those flowers the ones that inspired the cover? 🥺

user4 y/n we're both single let's get married i love you

⤷ user5 boy do i have some bad news for you...

user1 charles really stole our girl and thought we wouldn't say anything? WRONG. SHE'S MINE.

user2 they are so unserious like wdym you're not gonna tag each other ???

⤷ user3 until the end these two will have been a pain in the ass

user4 i want y/n to write songs for me too, you ain't special

yourusername ❤️🪡

⤷ user5 okay everyone stay calm it's hAPPENING

⤷ user6 FUCKING FINALLY

[stevie-petey]

not sure if this has been sent before but rewatching season 3 and the scene where the group are together visiting ms driscol and el and max are reading comics, maybe a blurb about bug introducing them to comics in the summer before it all went wrong again? like her and steve are hanging out and they burst in declaring they are having a girls day/sleepover and wanted comics to read

i LOVE doing some max/el content with big <33

enjoy !

"you dont have to be here, you know."

"i know, but the one day im free from robin, youre stuck at work." steve shrugs, hopping up onto the counter so he can sit. he plucks a discarded pen and tosses it between his hands. "had to enjoy my day somehow, right?"

you stack a book onto the shelf and roll your eyes at him. "because everyone agrees that a dying bookstore is loads of fun to be in for hours on end."

"hey, i thought we agreed not to use the 'd' word?" steve clicks the pen a few times, eyes following you as you tidy around the store.

"my bad," clearing your throat, you look pointedly at him. "what i meant to say is that Bookstrordinary is as lively as a graveyard now due to stupid Starcourt."

"you know that i only have a job because of the mall, right?"

"youre terrible at comforting me."

its steves turn to roll his eyes, only his is done with fondness rather than annoyance. your hair is tied up to keep out of your eyes and youre wearing a denim dress to combat the junes unexpected heat. steve had grown so used to your usual wardrobe of sweaters and flannels that the sight of you showing so much skin leaves him breathless still.

deciding that you look too good today (youre always beautiful to him), steve gets down from the counter and follows after you. his body aches to be close to yours, his hands itch to trace the exposed skin. but he cant. you arent his, steve still hasnt managed to say the three words that sit inside his chest.

"im sorry, angel. how must i comfort you?" he asks, taking a few books from you instinctively. steve could work an entire shift at bookstrordinary at this point with his eyes closed.

you turn to him, eyes shining. "well, if youre really feeling sympathetic, id happily accept your fathers money for some ice cream-"

"you get free ice cream from me every day."

"with your employee discount. but richard harringtons money? i need it, steve."

"okay, im feeling really used right now-"

the store bell rings and a storm of red hair and giggles interrupt your conversation with steve. the laughter is familiar, the sound a welcomed surprise. immediately you leave steve behind as you rush to the front to greet the girls.

"max! el!" before they can argue, you pull them in for a hug. their skin is damp from sweat, but you dont care. you hardly see the girls these days, theyre always off with the boys or together on their own. while youre happy theyre finally friends, you cant help but miss them.

"hi, y/n." el greets you enthusiastically. her hair is a mess, shes wearing one of hoppers old shirts.

max stands next to her, hair a wild mess of red strands from the humidity. "we got bored," she tells you, eyes already roaming around the store. "you got anything good in here?"

"it depends on what you guys are looking for." you inform her. youve come to learn what everyone in the party enjoys reading. for el, she loves fairy tales, mike and dustin enjoy science fiction, lucas and max prefer more thriller and horror, while will loves fantasy.

steve grabs a handful of books for the girls, hes also come to learn what genre the kids read, and places them on the table. "heres my selection of fine reading."

"and by 'fine reading', he means books i already set aside for you guys." you nudge steve playfully, which the girls giggle at.

"same thing."

el carefully looks through the books, her finger pokes through the titles. while shes still learning how to read, shes slowly able to piece together the names and authors before her. she carefully reads through every title, eyes searching for something. when she doesnt find what shes looking for, she frows. "where is the man insect?"

"man insect?" steve looks at you, confused.

"the one with the webs."

neither max nor steve understand what el is asking, but you realize with excitement what shes referring to. "oh!" ducking down, you grab your personal stash of comics from the counters shelf and place them in front of the girls. "spider-man! here he is."

"that is the one!" el says happily, grabbing the first comic she can reach. "he is an insect."

"yes he is," you nod proudly at her. "ive taught you well."

max flicks through one of the comics with slight interest, shes curious, you can see it. "youve read spider-man with el?"

"yup, we used to read them all the time at the cabin. figured it was easy enough to understand while learning how to read. plus, spidey is the best."

"spider-man is very cool." el agrees.

steve practically melts when he hears this. eyes softening, he leans against you. "thats sickeningly adorable."

"ew, dude." max glares at him, disgusted. "we're right here, you know. go be pathetic somewhere else."

"i... i was here first." steve mumbles, slightly intimidated by the girl.

you laugh at him and place a gentle hand on his arm. "why dont you go write up some shipments for me while i introduce max to the man im going to marry someday?"

"you know peter parker isnt real, right?"

"i know, and it haunts me every day."

max shoves steve away from you, taking his place. "we're having a girls day, get lost."

"what-?"

"sorry, honey." you kiss steves cheek quickly before allowing max and el to tug you away. halfway across the store you shout behind you, "i'll make it up to you later!"

steve is left alone the rest of the day, basically taking over your shift for you. luckily with so few customers coming in these days, it isnt so bad. he mostly spends the day admiring you as you read spider-man to el and max. your eyes are lit up with raw adoration for the storylines and the girls lean into your every word. theyre wrapped around your finger, wound so tightly that theyve become one. while steve resents that peter parker has ruined your day together, he cant help but warm at the idea that the comics have brought the girls to you and have given you a rare, sunny day together.

hes willing to share you with the party if it means the soft, genuine smile that you get only when youre with them never leaves your face.

[eclipsewxtch]

NO SPOILERS BUT REACTIONS TO EPISODE 8 ARCANE S2 BUT IM LIVE TWEETING (TUMBLING):

• honestly i believe anything someone says abt ambessa in a negative way. if u told me she killed a bunch of kids in a preschool in a enemies territory or village i would 100% believe u. if someone watched episode 9, came up to me, and said “ambessa killed everyone” i would believe it. like. i would 100% take that at face value.

• MEL😍 AWOOGA😍 age ain’t nothin but a number ur like 30-35? it don’t matter come home ma😍 im a little young but im mature for my age 18 ain’t that bad sweetheart

• MEL OHH LORDDDDDDD wish i was jayce. or mel. or viktor. i wish i was apart of their weird ass lowkey love triangle bullshit

• LOVE MY PEOPLE OF COLOR!! jayce, ekko, mel… ambessa is wvil but not including her feels racist somehow so im gonna say i appreciate her villainy, character design, and hotness.

• i hate ambessa so much so so so much

• trypophobia is so ugh like i can not look at half of these scenes. like i feel bad but it is freaking me out /gen.

• isha my baby i love you

• maddie back the ENTIRE fuck up deadass. caityln u don’t hate u but u did become a fascist which none of the other characters did. i can excuse murder but not fascism. the whole jesus cult thing w viktor CAN be debated but i wasn’t a huge fan of That either although it is definitely funnier than. yknow. gassing people.

• “can’t erase our mistakes” yeah we know😭 ur THEE prime example 😭

• jinx PLEASE please please. i miss h.

• i love the crow stuff w jinx like idk this isn’t important or a spoiler or anything but whenever i see a crow in this show i think of jinx immediately. this ALSO isn’t important but i love the owl = ekko and crow = jinx

• OKAY BUT JAYCE WHEWWWW UR SO FUCKING FINE GOOD LORD HAVE MY BABIES PLEASE PLEASE OLEASE PLEASE! YOU AND MEL! TAKE TURNS! OR BOTH! AT RHE SAME TIME! SMASH SMASH SMASH!! they aren’t even a hear me out these ppl are so fucking attractive i am so obsessed with them

• everyone: i hope neither of those two sex scenes is between jayce and mel…

me, hoping and begging and praying: 🧎🏽‍♀️‍➡️🤤

• okay the fearsome threesome r back in business!! woooooo. oh. maybe not. MAY BE NOT WOW OKAY

• so did they MEAN for viktor to be a dogwhistle for eugenics or… like ik his game character was. yknow. but uh. yeah.

• is jayvik back or…? oh nvm

• okay but jayce in the black and gold and mel in the white and damn🤤

• oh i needed this hug. i them needed OH WHAT NO NO NO DAMN IT

• jayce and mel height difference and coloring and voices and— guys i’m so sorry i need them (im asexual) i would have their babies (i would rather die than have a kid come out of me) i WANT TO BE IN THEIR BED (okay im real with this)

• 10 mins left in the episode guys what could possibly go wrong🤗

• OH MY GOD SEX OH MY GOD YES LAWD YES LAWD YOU HAVE ANSWERED MY SEASON ONE PRAYERS OH I CANT WAIT FOR THE FANFICS TO RECREATE THIS EXACT SCENE. the animators sure did have fun w this like u can tell u can just TELL

• had to pause a couple of times to scream into my pillow we r all good tho giggling a little (a lot i sound like a fucking WITCH) anyway song choice was great actually

• machine herald is so sexy it truly is a shame he is a poster child for eugenics. viktor this isn’t u baby.

• god u hate ambessa i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her.

• MEL UGH BEAUTIFUL!!

• i hate that bullshit “i did it for YOU” excuse bc sure u did it for me but that’s not truth is it? u did it for YOU u did all this for YOU. if u really wanted to do it ‘for me’ u should have told me like this shit makes me want to rip my hair out from the fucking follicle. i GET IT i understand why friends or parents or lovers say ts to justify their actions but they HAVE to get how completely batshit it is to use that excuse like they have to😭

• okay seriously the trypophobia is killing me here why couldn’t they make stripes or swirls like why holes why why why why why why—

• OH MY GOD WARWICK NO NO NO ik the game lore i knew this would happen but it still sucks anyway.

• song IS eating tho so

[habeascorpseus]

👉👈 can you tell us more about the fnc angel/demon au? 🥺 pretty please?

oh CAN i? okay first things first. this is entirely because of good omens s2 and particularly uses concepts from episode 3 about "angels/demons who go along as best they can". also canon gillion and chip are very azi/crowley coded to me (cmon, gill's a literal paladin sent to the oversea to portend the rapture that he's now doubting the need for and chip is a mischievous little bastard with too much charisma and until recently no concrete stake in anything except for protecting his crew) so yeah. anyways the information will be delivered in bullet points for each person

CHIP

was an angel. a pretty young one, at that. possibly came to existence around the 3rd millennium of mana's society

pretty mischievous and self interested for an angel. lets just say he fucked around and found out, and for it he was kicked out of heaven and fell into hell, but managed to crawl out like the stubborn bastard he is

the form he fell and crawled back to earth in was a young human looking boy. involuntarily, of course. but he often struggled to change his form in the past, instead letting it be dictated by his emotional state (another fairly chaotic and unangelic thing to do), and right now he feels small, weak, and vulnerable

he's picked up by the black rose, and, desperate to belong, he goes along with their assumption that he's just a normal kid, too weak to use much power or even change his form. for the couple years he lives with the crew, he doesnt grow. (this is chalked up to malnourishment.)

unfortunately, now that he's a demon, he has an Energy. and that energy attracts things. in particular: bad shit, and other demons. niklaus takes notice of this crew claimed by a seemingly inexperienced demon and decides to sink it for fun and to see what chip will do.

chip washes ashore on another island with two thoughts: one, he doesnt think he's allowed to be attached to anything good anymore without poisoning it, and two, he needs to be scarier in order to not be fucked with.

so he spends ten years hanging around ruben price, a man who acts so comically, stereotypically evil that chip occasionally doubts how mortal he is, but it seems like price just Like That. a handy trick of being a demon now is that chip can Sense types of energy- positive, negative, etc. what's scariest about price is chip gets nothing off of him, which is why he's the perfect person to watch

things come to a head when price forces chip to kill a man. and, well, its kind of what he's supposed to do, as a demon- but he hates it. in particular, he hates not feeling in control, and it angers him enough that hes finally able to use some demonic power to set price's warehouse ablaze and disappear into the night. (his hands are now blackened from where they caught fire and he now has a tail, being so unused to using magic that using it burnt away his human form to reveal the true form beneath it. he cant really disguise them back to normal because, again, bad at form shifting)

he sets sail on the sea and lands on an island where he follows a particularly strong negative energy to a tavern where he meets...

JAY

girl who's family basically run the navy.

her older sister was just mysteriously murdered around a year and a half ago, and she's going through it

by which i mean, She's Pissed. she wants whoever killed her to be found and brought to justice, preferably with the business end of her own pistol, but her father (an admiral) has fucked off to gods-knows-where and there's not really any leads at home beyond being surrounded by what her sister left behind... she's getting desperate.

she's bartending at her mom's tavern one evening when a guy her age walks in but he's.. wrong. somehow. there's dozens of lanterns and candles in the room, and yet he seems to cast a long shadow behind him no matter where he turns. also his hands are dark claws. she's pretty sure he's a demon honestly.

she's getting desperate and she wants leads. his appearance makes her feel almost irrational in how suddenly she remembers she needs to find her sister's killer.

so, with some part of her screaming that she is being very, very stupid, she offers a deal. vengeance for her sister in exchange for her soul. the demon looks weirdly surprised at this and tells her that her soul won't be necessary, that he needs a crew on his ship and all she needs to do is travel with him. so she accepts, they shake hands, and jay tries to ignore how much her instincts are screaming this is a bad idea.

they set sail two days later on the demon's dingy little ship and begin sailing towards where jay thinks the next largest navy outpost is, and on the way they meet...

GILLION

gillion is an archangel. he's pretty young, all things considered. he's not sure when he came into being, but he's pretty sure he's a replacement for.... someone.

gillion has a destiny, that's for certain. the heavenly council has been training him since his creation for some kind of destiny, though he hasn't really thought to ask what it is. he's sure it's good, though. the heavenly order would never mislead him into committing morally reprehensible acts in the service of a greater cosmic good, right?

his "life" is pretty rigid though. all training, no play, and certainly no contact with the mortal realm, that is, until he follows some of his superiors on their way to bless some admiral of some mortal navy. except... this guy is evil. its written in his the fake smiles, his body language, the way he listens to them with greed in his eyes.

and gillion was destined to smite evil, so he attacks him.

heaven, of course, doesn't take kindly to this, but instead of kicking him from heaven outright, they propose a test of faith: be stripped of most of his divinity and fulfill his destiny within a year in the mortal realm. it's not like he has a choice, so they kick him down to mana with only his sword and a little bit of armor.

he falls into the sea, deep, deep into an undersea trench, where the first thing he sees are a couple tritons. and, yeah, tritons seem pretty cool. so with the last vestiges of whatever divine energy he carries, he becomes a triton and uses his wings (oh thank gods he still has his wings) to propel himself to the surface of the sea.

for a while, he floats adrift, taking in the feeling of being wet and having the sun burn his body where it rests above the waves and the taste of salt on his tongue and the dark spots in his eyes that appear every time he stares too long at the sun. but that's fine. it's.... nice. he can almost forget it's a punishment.

after a day of listless floating, Something appears on the horizon, and then grows closer. its large, and brown, and honestly kind of shabby looking. but it looks cozy, a bit more hospitable than the ocean, and he sends out a dozen silent prayers and thank-yous when the ship suddenly changes course and begins heading Directly for him.

a man pokes his head over the railing of the vehicle and asks if he's okay. his hair is a really pretty color. his eyes kind of remind him of the fires lit to burn sacrifices that he's seen humans make a couple times. a blackened, clawed hand reaches out to grab his, and when they touch, it the crackle in the air feels like the moments just before a smiting lightning strike. he feels forbidden. but gillion's beginning to appreciate the idea of a rebellious phase, so he grips him tightly and lets himself be pulled onboard.

ITEMS OF IMPORTANCE

chip knows what gillion is, gillion does not know what chip is. chip is completely fine with this and is deciding to use it to his advantage in order to do minor devilish activities

what follows is basically the same plot until episode 14, though chip leans a lot more heavily into trickery and temptation

when it's revealed What chip is, gillion is not only Pissed but afraid for jay's soul, convinced that chip has been traveling with her in order to prey and feed upon it. he and chip duel, and gillion wins, as good so often does against evil— but before gillion can smite him and send him back to whence he came, jay steps in and stops him long enough for chip to slip away below deck. she tells gillion she made a deal with him and he blatantly refused her soul, which is why she's travelling with him instead. gillion, now hopeful that he can redeem chip, lets it slide, but. has chip promise to cool it on the demon shit.

the reason why gillion couldn't sense chip being a demon for so long is because he, for some reason, doesn't feel fiendish to him. unfortunately, gillion is too stupid to further entertain this train of thought.

both gillion and chip regain power at the same rate, though their progress is accelerated whenever gillion feels they did something good, and when chip is feeling angry. (this will eventually change)

chip is very bad at being a demon, to the point where he's begun talking jay out of vengeance entirely because it makes him feel bad about making her worse. gillion, ironically, says she should hold herself to her principles and seek justice, in a comical subversion of the angel and devil on her shoulders. they have many an argument about this.

nobody knows chip is Fallen. its one of the main sources of his insecurities and hed rather not have gillion judge him harder, thank you very much.

when chip is offered to have a memory removed by blangus, he attempts to remove his memory of being an angel. this doesn't work, because the memory is a core part of What he is and forgetting that would unmake him. he decides to give up killing a man instead.

gillion's destiny is to bring the rapture. kind of a bummer! gillion's a little in denial about it and the longer he spends with humanity and witnesses their good and their bad and the hope they all carry within them, the more reluctant he is to fulfill his purpose. (it's fine. he has 6 more months to decide. its fine. it's fine. time goes painfully slow for mortals)

eventually the truth of chip's past is revealed, and gillion is Pissed, though not at chip. in hindsight, it's obvious that he was created to replace chip when he Fell, meaning if not him, chip would have been the one to end the world, and that thought sits worse for him than imagining himself doing the deed. perhaps when he gets back to heaven he will demand chip's status be reinstated.

chip is caught between encouraging him to forsake his destiny (he likes humanity, and he likes fucking with heaven's plans) and going along with his destiny to not get kicked out of heaven. falling is painful and awful and he cant imagine gillion playing any role other than good, and he doesn't want him to, because if you're not With heaven, you're a victim of the rapture, and he doesn't want that.

gillion is already halfway on his way to letting himself fall on purpose the more he spends time with jay and chip. he wants to be with chip as long as he can be but every time they touch gillion gets the feeling hes skating on thin ice.

jay is the safest pirate on the sea in terms of other demons and angelic presences trying to fuck with her, both gillion and chip have a deal to smite her father next time they see him.

in chips solo mission with price, he ended up sending him to hell instead of giving him the eye. it is not at all disconcerting that chip can do this

edyn is an angel who helped raise gillion and gave him an immortal soul as a pet. when he was sent to earth it manifested as a frogtopus, and after gillion was sent away edyn followed him to earth and settled down in allport to keep tabs on him through the navy

caspian is Lizzie's guardian angel

anyways theres more but thats the long and not-at-all short of it. hope you like!

[fairycosmos]

i need a sane brain to tell me that im not wrong here. so lets say you told your mom you were going to help her move some shit out of your house but then you wake up kinda late and feel so fucking tired and out of it and your mom texts you ‘hey when are you getting here. only if you want tho! its okay if you dont, i might not even need you that much today’ so you think oh fuck yes thank god but now shes all ‘you didnt hold up on your promise. i needed you here. youre not reliable’ etc etc and cant seem to understand that if she wouldve TOLD ME. that i wouldve been there. like am i wrong here? like she kept saying how much she has to work and doesnt have a lot of spare energy but its like BRO. TELL ME THEN. or am i wrong to expect that of her? or to be like wth? why am i the bad guy here? idk its just so confusing and makes me insane. ily x

literally i don't know if i'm missing smth here but this sounds like ur mother is on some bullshitttttttttt like. my most charitable interpretation is that she's just a bad communicator (which is not ur fault) and my least charitable interpretation is that she's making you feel bad on purpose even though she was the one who said it was entirely up to you whether you go over there or not. i truly don't understand and i don't think you're the "bad guy" here at all. she didn't say she absolutely needed you, in fact she left it very open-ended and basically said it was up to you........i don't get it and i think you're just fine. i would've read it the same way you did, with the same implications. she's being weird imo and i'm sorry you're having to deal with it. i hope you're okay and i hope with time you're able to process it and feel better about the miscommunication without any guilt on your part. hugs. x

[enhypen-scholarship]

noona (oppa), neomu yeoppo - y.jeonghan

~~~~~~

g - ur boyfriend, jeonghan, was so so pretty, no wonder why his girlfriend looked ethereal.

w - nothing, reader (you😝😝💋) is really really really pretty.

idol! jeonghan x shy! reader

note ; this song is inspired by shinee's replay, this is out of topic but pls vote 4 jay, jiwoong, keita, anthonny, hui on bp!!!! plus jaebeom :(( my poor boy has been through a lot.

(an entire essay after this short fanfic why i have not been posting stuffs)

~~~~~~

behind those camera lenses who had took the most boyfriend's boyfriend picture was a girl that made a special impact on the only yoon jeonghan.

it was a shock why his fans didnt attack u after revealing ur romantic relationship with jeonghan,

they were seemingly calm and relaxed, not only were they unbothered but they also wanted u

and it was all over jeonghan's live, comments about u overflowing the replies online, which makes him happy and proud how carats didnt take it overboard,

though some fans were quiet sad and disappointed he has a girlfriend, they were still happy for him.

"sadly, i cannot bring ____ out" he frowns, the comments expressing sadness and disappointment that they cannot see ur face,

"why do u guys want to see her?" he questions, "im over here," he pouts cutely

"is this the time for me to hide ____?" he sarcastically said, the comments jokingly getting mad at him for being a bad boyfriend

he spoke until he heard some footsteps directly coming to his room,

its probably one of the members he thought, until he saw a small and cute figure from the door frame, he smiles. wide.

forgetting there was a camera, he cleared his throat, the fans asking who was it, "oh it was just one of the members," he lied

"are u doing a weverse live?" u mouthed the words, as u get a nod in reply, the comments growing curiosity, full of who was it?

"do u guys really wanna know?" he sighs in defeat knowing theres nothing he can do to stop the inevitable, he slowly mouthed the words "come here"

u carefully walk towards him, ur body frame showing over the camera, moving away

"its okay baby," he assures u, "the fans wants to see u" grinning, u grow confidence

the camera was focused on u, shying away from the camera, jeonghan laughs, "u look pretty baby. theres nothing wrong" he pats ur back,

"okay... fine" u look at the camera, ur slim and cute hands covering ur mouth, the cloth of jeonghan's hoody taking over ur fingers, "h..hello" you bow politely,

the comments were so fast u could barely read what they were saying, realizing it,

"woah, carats slow down. i cant read what ure saying."

"someone said im pretty..." u silently said, he smiles, "of course u are. see carats? shes really pretty." the replies were all desires of wanting u,

finally growing confidence, "thank u" u smile, capturing carats' heart

he cackles, he reads a comment out loud, "jeonghan is so pretty no wonder her girlfriend looks ethereal."

u cover ur face in embarrassment

"dont be embarrassed, baby."

he says as the comments started groaning at the disgusting but cute pet name, he looks at u with adoration and heart eyes,

upon deciding to end the live, "alright, carats. thank u for being participating in my life, i know ____ is really pretty, but u guys are still my fans." he sulks jokingly, u smile finding him very cute, "either way, please take care." he greets his fans goodbye,

after what feels like 40 minutes, he hugs u, burying his head onto ur neck, whining how much he misses u

"i miss u too baby. u shouldve told me u were live, u wouldn't have been caught." u pout, "no baby, it was my fault. i couldn't keep my eyes over ur beautiful face." he flirts,

"ure so in love with me yoon jeonghan." u smile, pecking his plumpy lips

"i am." he holds ur waist, "very." he kisses u back.

"im so happy."

"same for me"

"why?" u ask, "carats can finally see how pretty my girlfriend looks, after all those daydreaming compliments in the past lives." he sighs as if he just won a lotto,

"what do u mean baby?" u question, "ure just.... pretty." he states simply

"other than that, even if u think ure not. u are. i dont care what people say, i wouldnt trade u for anything."

"i love u"

"i love u more."

~~~~~~

note ; I DONT LIKE THE ENDING AND THE PLOT i dont even know what i did LMAO i just went w the flow, the plot was just..... so lame skull THOUGH i did my best, the only time im active is usually at night, but for some reason ONLY in breaks. because i cant rlly put myself into writing because i get suffocated and tortured by assignments AND difficult projects. i cant really, like... think of a perfect scenario that I CAN write. its practically like a rare time for me to be this active. well normally i dont post but i think i have like, some stories of stuffs that i do wanna write in the future. im not gonna spoil tho skull. ok im talking 2 much BUT YES, im practically just explaining why i have not been online and active these days, THOUGH i read a lot of fanfictions here in tumblr so i could get some ideas? but i dont steal them tho i just improvise. sometimes gives me motivation to write.

[missfingers]

ok i don't know much about yakuza but i gotta know for the choose violence ask game: 3, 8, 11, 16, 22, 24? (you can also do these about another fandom instead if you want, i just chose yakuza bc those are ur little guys)

HI AUSTIIINNN. forgive me this will get long

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

ohh my god theres been so many. but okay i will specifically pull up an example from the server i run. no screenshots cause the conversation was way too long but essentially yakuza has a massive misogyny problem with its female characters (of which there are. barely any). the conversation was specifically about the hostess mechanic, which is this minigame that appears in almost every game where you go to a hostess club and have a date there (a hostess club if ur unaware is basically softcore sex work its paying a woman to talk to you at a club). ofc nothing wrong with hostessing but people were specifically talking about how it was Kind Of Creepy that all the protags are like.... 40+ and all the hostesses / other female love interests are a lot younger.

and then this guy came in saying something along the lines of... if you criticise the way hostesses are objectified in yakuza then actually you hate women and sex workers and youre saying its not a real career .....? NO ONE WAS SAYING THAT. it was really one of those situations where the person was acting like these fictional female characters have their own agency to do sex work and flirt with older men ignoring completely the Old Men Writing The Series. they are not real people making their own decisions these are women written by men. it was bizarre. this guy also eventually said that if you criticise panty shots in anime youre racist or something because "japanese culture is like that" okay.

already answered 8 here! <3

just realised i completely got switched up on numbers and i already answered 11 and thought it was 10, so my answer for 11 is here but i will also answer 10 for @kasugas since i fucking. didnt.

10. worst part of fanon

majima woobification. and the worst part is its in the games now too like they straight up woobified him in kiwami and i cant STAND IITTTT. hes literally a yakuza boss he violently beats up his men he canonically married an 18 year old and hit her when she aborted their fetus hes not a good guy and i love when canon shows that. but then fanon is just like solely fucking majima everywhere characterisation of ooo hes just a silly little faggot who loves kiryu and kiryu hates him <333 (even though kiryu. does not. and finds his antics hilarious in every other game. and treats him as his closest friend.) and also the uncle majima stuff....... i like thinking about his relationship with haruka as much as the next guy but when people just. slap them together with no consideration to the fact he KIDNAPPED HER. AT 10 YEARS OLD. like dude shes going to be traumatised you cant just Ignore that for the sake of giving her two dads?

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

oh i fucking know. i KNOW why they like it and the answer is theyre uncreative yaoi loving freaks but so much nishitani content is just him acting like some borderline rapey daddydom and its soooooo Eugh. they make majima into this uwu baby who doesnt want any of his advances until the relationship is literally liek something out of a fucking yaoi where he "really wants it deep down but hes going to act like he doesnt so its going to feel so uncomfortable and hes going to get borderline assaulted". the entire appeal of nishimaji to me is that nishitani is literally so down horrifically bad for majima and majima actually likes him back even if he thinks hes weird as shit. theyre both insane for each other.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

ok im going to sound deranged here but his relationship with mirei. thats the 18 year old i mentioned. a lot of people choose to ignore he did that and like.... i get it its very uncomfortable to accept your favourite dude would prey on a kid like that but like. i feel like it does a disservice to his character to ignore that? it shows how he perpetuates the cycle of abuse and its so incredibly interesting to me but so many people just say "he wouldnt do that!!!!" when like.... yes he would. im sorry but he would.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

fuckig hell idk theres so much horrible yakuza discourse. ig its relevant rn but like whenever anyone genuinely critiques how fandom acts (misogyny, racism, woobifying a genuinely morally reprehensible character, ableism, just anything) and then the people who do this shit get all up in arms about it and act like its pointless infighting when its... genuine shit that makes a community unsafe

[e8luhs]

6 8 12 17 18 id pick more but i feel bad

6.) speaking of tv adaptations, why would yours get cancelled? (other than capitalism)

gay people and too much swearing are really the only things i can think of

8.) what inspired your world building, if anything?

answered this one here :)

12.) okay be honest. pick a favorite oc from this ocverse.

rips off my shirt to reveal another shirt that says "LEA LUCAS DID NOTHING WRONG"!!!!!!!!!! her aesthetic and complexes have bewitched me heart and soul by accident. to be fair though all of my friends (including you beck hi beck) love lea due to her #girl swag and deranged behavior so whatever

17.) describe the "required reading" to understand your vision. be as pretentious as possible.

also answered this one here

18.) what aspect of the story would get you #canceled on twitter?

on call with cecil right now and i was like "i dont even know. i cant even imagine this." and cecil was like "people cancel you because lea is TOO controversial." I GUESS MAYBE ""BAD LGBT REPRESENTATION""??????? i have no idea.

23.) describe how everyones character gets butchered once in the public eye?

IF ANYONE MISINTERPRETS MY GUYS IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF. but i know exactly how everyone is going to be fanonized so my worst fears are like mavis: i honestly really dont know for mavis.... catriona: everyone is going to act like shes a one-dimensional mom friend i fear. GUYS SHE DOES NOT HAVE HER SHIT TOGETHER. GUYS SHE IS JUST AS COMPLICATED AND IS STRUGGLING AS MUCH AS EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!! GUYS SHES JUST A GIRL AND THE WHOLE POINT OF THE CHARACTER IS THAT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE THERE FOR HER AND THAT ITS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP Sorry im passionate about this one apparently. silas: reduced to like funnyman side character because he is like filled with whimsy and boundless optimism BUT HE STILL FACES THE FUCKING HORRORS BRO.... so scared for people to forget that just because you are optimistic doesnt mean you are immature or like stupid or etc kirabo: AAAUUUUUGHHHH super softified pastel flower crown fail just because theyre a quiet and anxious person -__- like dude kirabo is like 21 years old and having an existential crisis and fighting for their life against the horrors can you get that SHIT out of here. PLEASE lea: waiting with my chin in my hands for LEA DISCOURSE QUARANTINE THREAD #18: BACK IN THE SADDLE. either people are going to use her as a depthless vehicle for gamer jokes or whatever OR shes going to get the vriska treatment so hard where people either hate her entirely and think shes the worst (which at that point is like congratulations you fell for the facade she puts up) or love her (the correct one) trinity: edgy treatment but honestly i think thats what they would have wanted. like draw them with 100 knives. so true. vladimir: he is a TERRIBLE person. he also has like depth and complexities and historically people cannot for the life of them understand that these two things CAN in fact coexist. you connect the dots from there

[sainthelgas]

Assorted Last unicorn rewatch thoyghts/ gravity falls critique

Okay i had a double feature with the gravity falls commentary track where alex hirsch trashed the last unicorn and then the last unicorn. In all fairness feom the way he described the movie I dont think he has seen it in 20+ years. But also its funny that he shit on it in the commentary track for one of the worst grabity falls episodes. The fucking last mabelcorn. They made the episode in the last liek five minutes and it shows. He calls it bad and treats it like a guilty pleaure thing but fuck you. Quality wise the last unicorn is runnint circles around this episode. It remains entertaining throughout which is more then I can say for a lot of grabity falls episodes in the later half of season 2. Saying this from my memory of watching it when I was 12 fyi. Also its kinda silly to compare an hour and a half movie to a tv show with two seasons. Like apples and oranges. But what I will say is that the last unicorn reaches higher highs.

That being said by someone who would consider the last unicorn one of her favorite movies. All of the characters are like flawed in differsnt ways byr all decently likeable. Even the king who is literally holding a whole population of creatures captive is pretty sympathetic. Or at least moreso than he might be in other films of a similar age demographic. The entire thing with the unicorn losing herself to the illusion was delightful. Its all the tropes I really love. And its funny that is what alex hirsch focused on as a major point. The whole horror of it just went over his head. I could probably make some argument yow uis misreading of the unicorn and total blindness to molly can say something for how gravity falls writes its women characters. I could also day its funny how this parallels a lot of the ways people treat mabel. Being hyper critical of a (usually girl)character due to a desire to go against the norm presented. It kinda reminds me of what happened to scrappy doo in the james gun scooby doo movie. But ya know scrappy do was actuslly annoying lets not kid ourselves. The unicorn did nothing wrong amd now theres this smear campaign against her. Funded by the disney corporation. I kid.

I do not have a gender studys major nor do I have enough knowledge to accurately say if gravity falls is a little sexist. I feel like so much of wendy's screentime is devoted to her relationship to dipper and or robbie. She never really gets to feel like a natural part of the group dynamic. She has nice interactions with other characters she just doesbt get that many plots focused on her. At least in comparrison to soos who gets full episodes about him/his backstory and like just gets more b plots. The fee b plots wendy does get are like about dippers crush on her or robbie being a shitty boyfriend or both. Remember when robbie tried to brainwash her and they never mentioned it again. Not really relevant just thought it was interesting.

Overall: is gravity falls a bad show? No, it has problems but like in comparrison to its contemporaries its pretty good. Its just a flawed show. And I cant say its like all mysoginistic because mabel is a very well written character even if it feels like the show is very often still from dippers pov. And they at least kinda subvert the mean girl archetype. I like that. Giving a character supposed to be shallow more depth is always a plus. I think the biggest drawback from wendys lack of side plots is soos kinda be overplayed a bit as "supporting young adult". Like soos is funny but also he can kinda get grating when used to much. Maybe its jurt cause my tolerance for "funny innofensive fat guy" is very low. I much prefer "rude asshole fat guy" like pete from a goofy movie.

Tldr: watch the last unicorn it changed my life

[ghost-of-the-machine]

i feel. like bad? i need to get it off my chest!!!!

soo. okay i

i avoided my friends for like.. almost a month i guess. 22 days, the only reason i know that is cuz she counted. i didnt think she would, and i feel.. so much conflict. im avoidant when she brings it up, i dont wanna talk about it cuz i know she wont like what i have to say

she got drunk one night, like *really* drunk and she shared with me some pretty real feelings she probably wouldnt have otherwise. it hurt me, but i know she was hurting too. she *insisted* i speak about it, like. VERBALLY, anyone who knows me knows i fall short there. i

things have just been the way that they were for so long, i guess when it changed it was jarring maybe? ive been the loser. we're all losers, but i was the only one in my entire friend group who didnt have other friends outside of said friend group, but now i do!! and it makes me feel so happy, that i have so many friends i love so dearly yknow? but it makes me feel bitter that she doesnt like that

do you know how embarrassing it was? anytime i THOUGHT i had something good, id go and ramble happily about someone who i didnt realize id be LOSING in the next few months. embarrassing, shameful! but not this time

i guess me talking about it made her feel scared, but it upset me, because she got really upset when i told her i love all my friends equally.. i guess she didnt wanna hear that someone i met less than a year ago could be someone i love as much as her, which i get. i get how it sounds, but its not like that!! i love them UNIQUELY. she brings me things they dont, they bring me things she doesnt, im content and balanced and thankful for all of it

i handled it. poorly, i feel like i handled it poorly but i dont blame myself too much, im not known for this skill i guess. she started crying and it? it was like a joke at first but she was emotional cuz of the alcohol and it very quickly became not a joke, its the first time ive like.. heard her cry? and i felt bad that it was my fault and i really dont know how to comfort someone like that, its not a social skill i have upfront!!! over text its easy to collect my thoughts, but verbally? too much mental energy is being used on holding a conversation alone. but i also dont feel bad because its not WRONG for me to love my friends equally, i dont blame her for how she felt ofc

i didnt think i mattered so much to her, i guess. but she told me about it, and it made me... uncomfortable. like, TERRIBLY uncomfortable. thats why i did it, why i started focusing somewhere else. i came back suddenly, they were in the middle of playing a game and it felt so.. alien? like. it made me feel sick, this is my HOME and i felt like a stranger almost. i know 22 days isnt so long, but. idk, ive tried to keep in better contact, we are playing the games now, as we should!! but the truth is that after knowing it hurt her when i talked about my other friends, i just.. stopped talking about them, but i do things with them EVERYDAY, thats my day!! if i cant talk about them, i have nothing to say i guess

its bittersweet, ive sorta gotten back to being the unhinged loser they enjoy having around ig but i still dont talk as much as before, i dont want to because i dont wanna hurt her yknow? im HAPPY. im happy, so happy

she said she felt ashamed feeling the way she did, said she hates that shit but its still how she feels, i dont blame her. honestly?? its giving bpd like MY PERSONAL OPINION... with the way she described how she felt about me, i think shes one of us but. that adds a whole other layer, the discomfort i felt, is that how i make people feel? when im obsessed with them? when i feel like i cant exist without them? it feels so wrong to say things like this, shes my best friend, ive known her for years.. its just. we dont do emotions, i guess? and i think thats wrong of me cuz she expressed that she wanted it like that, she wanted to be open and vulnerable, and i didnt like it!!! we can do it over text sure, but.. sit and talk with me? she dmed me the other day saying like 'dommm we should vc, i wanna get drunk and have therapy again while you give me good advice'. i ignored her text, on purpose. usually its NEVER on purpose, if i dont respond you can bet like 100% i clicked the message, read it and then went back to what i was doing because i was distracted, or i have a really bad tendency of THINKING my replies and not actually sending them and being like yep. social interaction well done. but no, i ignored it on purpose. anytime she asks us "guys, yes or no..." i say no, cuz i know the question is if she should drink or not. i know she'll still drink anyways, i just leave early, pretend my new sleep schedule is the reason why, pretend im tired because it makes me uncomfortable still

im not good at it!!! i cant give her what she needs like THAT.. i cant have her sit there and tell me all her problems and cry, i CANT because i dont know how to handle it! like i genuinely have no idea how to handle that at all. over text i could probably manage just fine, but she wanted me to sit there, wanted my camera on and everything.. i felt like i really? i mean i TRIED, i did my best, i listened to her, i can always do that.. the problem is she wants advice, you will not get advice from me if im forced to physically speak. so i just feel like i let her down, yknow? i dont know

ive backed myself into a corner probably, im too scared to be open cuz she tends to forget the things she says when shes drunk, so maybe she doesnt remember telling me how she feels about me? i guess theres an added layer of discomfort, because like. when we were 18 i think? she drunkenly confessed that she had a crush on me and it felt really.. ive never seen her differently for that, you can absolutely trust. shes my best friend and i never pushed her away despite those feelings, i just had to tell her i didnt feel the same and it never came up again, and we've been fine! but, knowing how she feels about me now? it makes me uncomfortable because of that, its hard to describe. idk its a lot of mixed feelings!!!! nothing i could ever tell her, probably

and it made me feel horrible for all the times ive ever talked fondly about my friends, or the times i was breaking down so badly over them that i had no choice but to cry and wail in my channel, knowing literally only one of them probably would respond (which was true, they talked me thru it a little bit). thats where our emotional talk ends. i dont want to be emotional with someone i know physically, it stresses me out!!!! yes i love you so much, you are my entire world!! ill kiss yr hair and hands and we can cuddle, we can spend a whole day together and go out to eat, we can sit at home and play games, we can do all of it! but.. online its easy, im words on a screen. physically?

i hate to feel GUTTED. i hate feeling vulnerable, i hate feeling EXPOSED. that first time i went to therapy for fucking GENDER DYSPHORIA and our first session was *wasted*, wasted because i had to tell my mom that i wanted to kill myself. sinking in my stomach. all those times ive had traumatic response to them fighting, the fucking scars because of that, the times my family have seen the scars. IM TIRED imf ucking tired, i hate to feel that way. i hate being exposed i hate having my heart on display i hate it all!!! i hate someone knowing something about me, i wont let myself be pressured into sharing trauma and details, i want it SECRET. share yr trauma with me, thats FINE, but its like. idk i wanted that call to end to fast, it was completely out of my comfort zone and i feel GUILTY for that. im averse to change, i really hate change actually. i made a whole post talking about our dynamic and how i adored it, and then it was sorta flipped on its head? i stopped playing that little dragon game on roblox cuz i was playing that while we were talking and anytime i fly around looking for chests, the memory of that conversation comes back to me. i want to forget

we fit like a glove, we're back to how we always have been when we talk, but.. she mentioned it the other day. thats how i knew i was avoidant for 22 days, she told me she counted. i felt bad, cuz i hoped she wouldnt notice. i couldnt think of anything to say, other than "well.. i was monster hunting idk man" and she sounded upset with me when i said it. we moved on quickly but. im not made for that. what did she want me to say? whatever she wanted, i clearly didnt say it. idk i just feel lost, feel stuck and the worst thing?

i dont want to be exposed to anyone but them. like THATS the thing, maybe if i didnt have them then id be fine with it, but.. it makes me uncomfortable, feels like betrayal. they can see that side of me, no one else can because i dont WANT anyone else to. i trust them, i feel safe enough to be vulnerable around them, its a big step for me and one that i dont take lightly. its not her fault i dont feel safe, and lord knows i trust her!!! its just.. different. opening up is hard, i feel more.. understood? i guess you could say. idk its just. hard to describe. i love my friends so much, but my friendships are all UNIQUE and thats why i love them. talking to either is fulfilling!!! incredibly, in very different ways but still!

idk it just sucks i guess, it makes me sad that me talking about my happiness is a sore spot for her, ive never been happier in my whole life!!! but i know it probably hurts her that it wasnt her that gave me that happiness. theres nothing i can do about that!! she makes me happy in another way, one exclusive to her. we are so sillay in vc, its FUN i have so much fun with her, but i think that.. maybe by telling her that a while ago, i fucked up. i shouldnt have told her she was my BEST best friend, i shouldnt have i just get.. natural tendency to tell people what they want, avoid conflict.

it feels like it established an accidental conflict, one no one else knows about. did i make her think i loved her more than my friend? or my other friend? like it makes me sick, but you cant just BACK TRACK. i cant just say actually? like i love them also yknow. cuz that would hurt her probably, its like im fucked no matter what!!! sure we ahve good chemistry in vc, the best chemistry in that whole friend group when vcing, but? i used to refer to one of them as my spouse like. MUTUALLY, we were married platonically okay. the other one? i love him so much hes so silly and . GRGR like. i just hate this idea, but its all my fault it exists. no backbone. i love my friends EQUALLY. i have a lot of love to give everyone, it would hurt me so badly if i wasnt loved equally, thats why i love the way i do. i even told her, im INSISTENT with it. i refuse to love inequally, it would hurt people and i hate that!!! but. i hurt her regardless, its. IDK man its a lot im just airing this out, she'll never see this, none of them will. good

we can move on from this, we mostly already have. im just scared i might have to put my foot down a bit, and tell her that it made me uncomfortable, i dont want to put her in that situation but if we get there then we get there. we'll be okay im sure

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert, Harry Anderson Egbert

Candy, page 38

ROXY: sup john

ROXY: long time no see

ROXY: well alright then pal

ROXY: i do believe u know the way to the living room

JOHN: yeah, yep.

JOHN: thanks.

JOHN: sorry for staring like an idiot.

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: i just got done with a whole week of feeling weird about hanging out in my dad’s old house again.

JOHN: I kind of forgot to think about how it would be surreal coming back here, too.

JOHN: some kind of nostalgia whiplash, i guess.

ROXY: fair enough yo

ROXY: harry andersons out if u were wonderin

ROXY: hell scoot back home later so if you make it thru round 1 of awkward ex-family convos im happy to say you can be rewarded with another

JOHN: oh, cool.

JOHN: i’d like to see him, if…

JOHN: if it’s okay with both of you.

ROXY: ya we chatted bout it

ROXY: but like i said

ROXY: one thing at a time

ROXY: lets me n u tear this ol egbert/lalonde estrangement band-aid right the fuck off n see what we got goin on underneath it

JOHN: sounds like a plan.

JOHN: so, uh.

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently.

JOHN: and i’ve realized some things.

JOHN: some stuff that involves you and some that doesn’t, but all things i think you deserve to know.

JOHN: whew.

JOHN: ok lemme think where to start...

JOHN: you know how jake left jane?

JOHN: i mean, i assume you know.

JOHN: though, uh, no offense, but jane’s version might be...

JOHN: skewed.

ROXY: oh lmao nah i didnt hear it from janey

ROXY: harry anderson filled me in on wat he got thru the teen grapevine

JOHN: oh!

JOHN: are you guys not...

JOHN: nevermind.

JOHN: i’m sorry, i came to apologize for my shit, not pry into your business.

JOHN: we don’t have to talk about jane if you don’t want to.

ROXY: janey n me havent been super tight of late

JOHN: ah.

JOHN: what about politics not coming between friends and all that?

ROXY: lmao well turns out sometimes someones politics make it p clear what kind of friends they value

ROXY: or dont

ROXY: and idk sometimes people you used to like when you were a teen grow up to be assholes or w/e!!

ROXY: i think i was clingin to somethin just to prove to myself that i was doin stuff right

ROXY: ol rolal

ROXY: hella normal

ROXY: v good at sticking with friends

ROXY: the more i thought abt it the more i figured holdin on to that one thing made me lose out on some other shit

ROXY: u might relate

JOHN: haha, you got me there i guess.

ROXY: anyways

ROXY: im not tryna take up all ur big speech time w/ my stuff

ROXY: you were tellin me about how jake n janey finally went splitsways and how it gave you some kind of epiphany

JOHN: no, it’s cool!

JOHN: i’m glad to hear it.

JOHN: we can come back to your shit after my shit, maybe.

JOHN: but yeah, jake, he uh...

JOHN: he and tavros are living with me now.

JOHN: i think for the foreseeable future. we were expecting jane to have kind of a fit about it, but all we’ve gotten so far are some divorce papers.

JOHN: if she knows where jake is and she hasn’t had a drone fleet dispatched to nuke my house off the planet i think that’s a good sign she’s actually just letting them go?

JOHN: which is kind of surprising, but, uh. good, i guess.

ROXY: ok ill b the first 2 admit that janes turned into kind of a jerk lately but u no shes not actually like

ROXY: literally evil

ROXY: lol

JOHN: that’s debatable!

ROXY: sry to disappoint but janes just a person and you cant actually blame her for everything that went wrong in our marriage like i was her helpless thrall or somethin

JOHN: that’s not what i was saying...

ROXY: ok neither of us came here to argue about janey did we

JOHN: you’re right. let’s just not talk about her.

ROXY: yea

JOHN: anyway...

JOHN: i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how things got to be like they are.

JOHN: i guess i’ll just come out and say it.

JOHN: i completed fucked up your entire life.

JOHN: i’m not going to pretend like there are two sides here. it’s my bad, totally.

JOHN: like, not just what happened to our marriage, though it’s also true that that’s completely my fault.

JOHN: but even before that...

JOHN: i think i fucked up on just this massive, fundamental level, and it’s what i did—

JOHN: or, well, what i didn’t do—

JOHN: that caused every stupid bullshit thing about the way this world is.

JOHN: none of this was supposed to be this way.

JOHN: honestly, it doesn’t feel right that we got married at all, does it?

JOHN: your life was heading in this whole other direction with callie, and i just...

JOHN: i dunno. i just kind of took that from you.

JOHN: i think i ended up taking a lot of decisions from a lot of people.

JOHN: everything took a backseat to what i wanted.

JOHN: whatever cosmic significance the lives here do or don’t have, all the pointless suffering i’ve created is... inhumane. and—

ROXY: oh nah ill stop u rite there my man

ROXY: im sorry john ilu but this is some hot steamin horseshit

JOHN: what?!

ROXY: its some real jerkoff emoji stuff is all im sayin!!

ROXY: you think you choice mattered so much that no one elses could measure up?

ROXY: n then what

ROXY: did u get what u wanted?

ROXY: did your life end and the points got tallied and you came out on top or like what?

ROXY: still p much seems like were movin to me

ROXY: and you sure dont seem like ur winnin so wheres all this good shit you got that you gotta go around handin out apologies for?

ROXY: also damn dude while were at it!!

ROXY: u forgot to actually say sorry in that apology!

JOHN: no, i didn’t — i just meant...

JOHN: i’m sorry for fucking up your life, or making it not—

ROXY: i like my life!!!

ROXY: i mean it aint perf and i got my share of fuckups n mistakes in there but you dont get to tell me its fucked up

ROXY: or that it isnt real or somethin

ROXY: its mine!

ROXY: i mean i felt... somethin i guess

ROXY: but its not just you

ROXY: youve never been the only player in this game u kno

ROXY: do u not remember who all was there when this all kicked off?

ROXY: me n callie wouldna told u u had a choice if it was all just some meaningless bs

ROXY: its not like i was ever some master seer of all that ever was or will be but i do know a lil bit abt what coulda gone down if things were different

ROXY: and u know what

ROXY: i like the way things turned out just fuckin fine

ROXY: so maybe u could stop wastin precious eternity thinkin ur so special that its ur fault everyones not perfectly happy

JOHN: i just kept wanting to find ways to make everything make sense, you know?

JOHN: but maybe it just fucking doesn’t.

ROXY: i know we became grownups in a world built specifically n cosmically for us

ROXY: so i get wanting to find a pattern in everything

ROXY: but not everything has 2 b that deep

ROXY: n when u think abt it

ROXY: lookin at it that way, like evrythin has to be this elaborately purposeful heroic design to be worthwhile

ROXY: is actually p shallow

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: yeah, i guess.

JOHN: i’m sorry. it’s just so hard to not feel like a total asshole.

JOHN: maybe i’m not some grand vizier of destroying time and space or whatever.

JOHN: but we KNOW that there’s a canon timeline out there.

JOHN: and it seems really obvious to me that we aren’t in it anymore.

ROXY: so what

JOHN: “so what”???

ROXY: yea

ROXY: so what

ROXY: tf do i care that theres some other reality out there some1 arbitrarily decided was the “real” one

ROXY: whats that have to do with the life i have now

ROXY: what is there actually that makes this one mean less than that one to the ppl who r actually in it

JOHN: you never feel like it would’ve been better if things had gone a different way?

JOHN: magic or no, i could have done a lot differently, for you especially.

JOHN: stuck around, or... fuck.

JOHN: stayed out of your way to begin with.

JOHN: let you and callie do your thing, or do whatever it was you seemed to be headed off to do.

JOHN: i just didn’t expect it to be me, after...

ROXY: nah dont say that

ROXY: i mean i accept ur apology this time but

ROXY: theres obvs all kinds of ways shit coulda gone

ROXY: and tbh back then

ROXY: with her...

ROXY: mostly i think i just wanted to do stuff right

ROXY: not that i knew wtf that even meant lmao

ROXY: which was prob the problem lmao lmao lmao

ROXY: just like

ROXY: we had this big fresh as hell start at bein people!

ROXY: i had all these conflictin thoughts abt how to be me in the first place

ROXY: like what it meant to date a beautiful skull alien

ROXY: sexualitywise and genderwise and person in generalwise

ROXY: for a while there i didnt know if i wanted ppl to think of me as a woman at all

JOHN: ah, i didn’t know.

JOHN: well, i guess maybe i wondered?

JOHN: but the way young idiot me would have wondered, so not that deeply.

JOHN: and it seemed like you’d forgotten all about it when we got together.

ROXY: i hadnt forgotten about it

JOHN: do you want to talk about it...?

ROXY: i coulda told you then but i kinda felt embarrassed abt flip floppin with my identity i think

ROXY: mean it isnt like i grew up with big airquotes society tellin me what was right n wrong like u did

ROXY: so it wasnt any kind of shamefest

ROXY: just a lot of abstract hypotheticals wed only just started talking about and never got very far into

ROXY: just idk i thought i might do things one way but then i stopped hangin out with callie as much

ROXY: its not like i stopped thinkin abt it

ROXY: or her

ROXY: but it never rly came up with anyone else and i didnt rly feel like i could talk abt it with you so i never brought it up again

JOHN: i’m really sorry you felt that way, roxy.

ROXY: its ok its not ur fault

JOHN: but you don’t regret it?

JOHN: not going for that stuff, and instead just... marrying me?

JOHN: i’m not asking so you can absolve me, i’m just impressed.

JOHN: how do you not second guess every choice you make?

ROXY: i havent stuck my head in the timeline vortex like u have so i dunno what its like to see other options

ROXY: i just do things the best way i think to do em and then shrug n hope it works out?

ROXY: i dont think i can regret anything

ROXY: theres not only one right way to be me imo

ROXY: i like the me i am

ROXY: its not like i went n decided “actually hell ya love to be a woman n do all the shit on the woman checklist”

ROXY: i get that thats prob what it looks like outside of my own self but i dont care abt that

ROXY: sorry lol im not good at this whole explainin what transpires in my brain thing

ROXY: idk this life ive been livin gave me harry anderson

ROXY: that kinda outweighs anything else just for me personally

ROXY: n its not like i ever totally quit thinkin abt that gender stuff

ROXY: i just found a different way to work it out than maybe i was originally gonna

ROXY: i...

ROXY: but lmao john were just adults

ROXY: were not dead!

ROXY: idk i mean were only what... barely middle aged in regular human years?

ROXY: we got all kinds of hypothetical but still prolly finite eternity to work our shit out

ROXY: who tf knows

ROXY: its not like you figure out who you are when youre 23 and then the rest of ur whole life is just sittin back watchin ur shit fall apart or not

ROXY: i mean maybe thats been it for u so far

JOHN: haha. ouch.

ROXY: i just dont think im anywhere near done buildin those roxy self actualization train stops

ROXY: who the fuck can say how many more i got lined up

ROXY: same goes for u

ROXY: if youre willing to look at this life as more than a cosmically pointless dead end failure that is

JOHN: i guess...

JOHN: there’s literally nothing to do but keep moving forward.

JOHN: i may as well not be a big fucking downer about it if i don’t have to be.

ROXY: thats the spirit

ROXY: weve got a million billion lifetimes ahead of us john

ROXY: u dont even KNOW all the ways u got left to fuck up in!!

ROXY: hows that for some inspiration??!

JOHN: it’s...

JOHN: it’s pretty fucking inspirational, roxy.

JOHN: thank you for trusting me with this personal stuff.

JOHN: i know partly you were telling me all that to kick my sadsack ass, but i know you don’t talk about this kind of thing every day.

ROXY: to be real i hadnt even let myself think abt it every day

ROXY: so thanks for lettin me ramble at u out loud instead of just almost thinkin abt it once every few years

JOHN: i guess sometimes it takes hearing the same shit over and over until it sticks.

JOHN: that’s mostly an own on myself by the way.

ROXY: lmao were just rippin off those bandaids left n right over here

ROXY: a coupla professional issue discussers

JOHN: yeah, i’m frankly baffled by how fucking good we are at this?

JOHN: where was this when we sucked so hard at being married?

ROXY: buried under a shocking number of issues is my guess

JOHN: well, it’s nice to throw a few off, for once.

ROXY: feel free to communicate with me instead of spendin the next 300 years in a silent prison of your own making if u so desire

JOHN: hey harry anderson.

JOHN: it’s really, really good to see you.

JOHN: do you wanna go for a drive?

HARRY ANDERSON: yeah, dad.

HARRY ANDERSON: that could be cool.

[isaacathom]

because ive drawn naielle in a naval coat im now struck with imagining how she and florian and zimri actually fare in a navy.

and like, i already know how naielle would fare. she's faring. she generally obeys orders, keeps to her spot, would work her way up slowly over time. she's fine. in canon she has a nominal captaincy but im not sure that, in a "proper" situation, she would get that. i think she'd be a perpetual lieutenant type, only afforded captaincy over prizes, which i guess is technically what happened, so it works out!

floooorian. floor ryan. big issue off the bat - canonically hates boats. very much not a fan. its not that he cant swim - he demonstrably can. It's the distance from the shore bit. A river, okay, fine. the ocean? fuck me. so he's ill disposed for the navy as a base. that thusly ignored, how he ends up factoring into a naval hierarchy depends on when we're talking.

florian c. the start of the campaign? ???? seamen, leading seamen at BEST. he's just doing the hard work, he's grumpy as fuck about the entire thing, he's rough. he's not a commander of any kind, so being 'lead' would be by dint of longevity of service at that point.

florian v. now?? 1.5 years in? well. he's got potential? he'd be the sort of guy that maybe is respected by the crew, and DEFINITELY not by his superiors, because the mans actual knowledge is low, book learning in the toilet, but he's solidly reliable. he knows the bits that 'matter', for a given definition. he's got a decent tactical head on his shoulders. he performs well under pressure (unlike, say, Naielle). im not sure he'd get up into warrant ranks, and i think his lack of book knowledge would prevent him getting above midshipman. i dont think he'd mind. At his best, he'd be the guy who gets well commended for his work during a boarding, but flunked the lieutenants exam so horrifically (despite demonstrable effort) that promotion isnt even Considered. acting, at best.

Ziiiimri! zimri! i think that zimri would be the one to get highest in rank. competent, cool under pressure, intelligent - zimri could get high in the ranks. but only if they wanted to. which is the difference. the only way you get Zimri to step up and take initiative is to make that the only damn option. They're otherwise pretty content to be lead, to operate within orders. so, yknow, kill their captain and first lieutenant and zimri will make an effort to step up. another failing of zimri is a general... low empathy? which isn't a bad thing per se, serves them well in the thick of battle because they don't get stopped in their tracks by tragedy, but in the aftermath they come off cold and uncaring. not their fault - they just don't express it well. but i feel like that'd sit poorly with crew.

its all very loosey. now if you put them all on the SAME boat, fuck. how messy that gets depends entirely on when each of them joins on. for instance if Naielle joins first, she can safely and quietly ascend to lieutenant without worry. ditto for Zimri. really, the key here is florian, because florians attitude could impact either of them.

florian would probably be annoyed to serve under naielle and content to serve under zimri, because the latter is i think base line more competent, and their no-nonsense nature suits florian perfectly fine. Naielle's big bleeding heart and worrying would probably be insufferable for him (zimri wouldn't care), and the two would probably end up butting heads. it wouldnt escalate to a usurpation or anything - naielle is competent enough to prove WHY she has the position, so given the opportunity she would show that, and florian would have to begrudgingly respect it. the alternative way she gets him to shut the fuck up is if she actually pushes back on any of his shit, instead of just hiding behind pulling rank. like instead of going 'thanks for your input, mr de kasimir, i didn't ask' going 'mr de kasimir, im sorry, but youre fucking wrong.' THAT he'd have to respect.

zimri would very much be just like. off side. going :) fascinating.

im basically imagining like, zimri and naielle are both lieutenants under some other person (zimri probably the higher ranked lieutenant because of Reasons), and this entire matter with Florian just becomes a thorn in naielle's side. theres a whole plot spooling out there. 90% of it arises from the fact that most of naielle's strengths are things that happen behind doors - navigation charts and the like. plenty of time for florian to bristle under her style of leadership, to try and go behind her back to talk to Zimri, who is utterly uninterested in the matter and tells him to drop it. and then so it goes. im not going to get too deep into this but it would be funny.

i just think imagining my various ocs together is fun. naielle and florian absolutely do not get along At All. Florian is infinitely capable of coming to respect Naielle (both in this au navy context and like, In general), and Naielle as well, but Naielle would not like Florian. they simply do not vibe. She's too polite and emotional and whatever, and he's a kinda surly jackass. the command relationship would work out fine enough, i think they could work together okay, but like. personally? no, right.

especially doesnt help that neither are ever quite completely emotionally honest, both dealing with some Backstory Situations they refuse to elaborate on, so theres like. no way to build that connection. canon, anyway. though in a navy context both of them would Appear To Have run away to join the navy, and the fact they HAVE that shared backstory element and DO NOT use it to form a connection? thats comedy.

[arkhamknightz]

i didn’t mean it

↳ in which, after a bad week you’re feeling extra clingy and get into a fight with steve

pronouns: they/them

warnings: death mention, angst, asshole steve but he doesnt really mean it, bad written angst, happy ending everyone is happy kinda mostly

notes: i love like hurt fics like this and wanted to make one move over i will probably make a billion of these. also this was rushed Smile

you had been dealing with a lot. a close friend yours hadn’t seen in months had passed away and with everything with the upside down going on you had been stressed out. your boyfriend steve had been busy as well, you hadn’t seen him for the last two weeks getting nothing but short calls whenever either of you had free time.

steve’s smile slowly faded as you cuddled into him for the 5th time in the last 3 minutes, seemingly trying to get closer to him than you already were. (if that was even possible.) he usually wouldve loved the attention, throwing his arm around you and pressing against you. but, he had gotten into a few arguments with some customers today, leaving him upset.

as you went to lay your head on his chest in a different position due to your neck starting to hurt. he pushed away, and you looked at him curiously. “is everything okay?” something inside him suddenly snapped. “why the hell are you being so clingy? god i don’t need you rubbing all over me every 5 seconds.”

the small smile plastered on your face slowly faded, his words sinking into your skin like tiny needles. “what? im not being clingy a-” he cut you off. “oh cut the bullshit. you’ve barely let go of me since you got here. if i knew you were gonna be this clingy today i wouldve told you i was busy again.”

his words felt like venom. “we haven’t spent time together in weeks?” you looked at him teary eyed. you weren’t sure if it was the look in your were giving him or the mention of your lack of time spent together but he quickly spoke up. “that doesn’t automatically mean cling onto me like some sort of lost puppy! god, cant you just stay off me for 5 minutes?”

without speaking you quickly got up off the couch, tears streaming down your face faster than you could notice. you slipped on your slippers and got in your car. steve quickly getting up to stop you. “wait no i didnt mean it-” but you were already gone.

—

“steve hey! whats going on you look like shit.” robin spoke as he walked into work. “nothing don’t worry.” it had been 3 days since you and steve fought, he tried calling your house but nobody ever picked up the phone.

“oh um alright well theres a pile of tapes that need to be stocked- oh, before i forget tell y/n im sorry about their loss, they must’ve taken the news so hard i mean i only recently found out but-” steve furrowed his brow as she spoke. “what do you mean?” robin looked at him. “you didnt hear? um you remember their friend they had invited to their birthday?”

steve nodded. you grew up an hour outside of hawkins, moving in during 8th grade year. you invited your best friend from your hometown to your birthday where they met all your friends. “well um, they passed away recently.” steve’s face fell. “how long ago was this?” robin sat for a moment. “by now? almost 2 weeks id say.” “shit!” robin looked at steve as he frantically paced around the room.

“whats wrong?” steve looked up at robin, guilt flooded on his features. “me and y/n got in a fight 3 days ago. i was really pissed off cause of those customers who came in and they were all over me the entire time they were over. i mean usually i wouldve been fine with it but i was so pissed off i yelled at them.” his voice got smaller as robin looked at him angrily.

“you didn’t think to fix this steve? god you’re such an asshole- ill cover for you. i don’t wanna hear anything come out of your mouth until you fix what you did. now go.” steve nodded in thanks, quickly running out the store to his car.

he stopped in front of your house, quickly turning off his car and walking to your front door nervously. he knocked on the door and took in your appearance as you opened it. your eyes were swollen, tear stains clearly covering your cheeks. your hair had been styled the way you usually had it when you were feeling lazy.

he pulled you into a tight hug. “im so sorry. im so sorry i didn’t mean it. didn’t mean a single thing i said to you.” his heart ached as your shoulders shook, your grip tightening around him as you cried.

“im so sorry. i heard what happened, im so sorry i wasnt there for you. im sorry it took me so long to come see you, i tried calling but i knew you probably didn’t wanna see me.” he rubbed your back as you cried into his chest. he pressed small kisses to your forehead, continuing to hold onto you tightly.

he heard a muffled. “shouldn’t you be at work?” he chuckled. “robins covering for me. i needed to come see you, can i come in?” you nodded against his chest and he ushered you inside, pulling you close to him on the couch letting you cry.

“i didn’t mean what i said about you being clingy. i was having a rough day, customers were being assholes and i took it out on you and im sorry about that. i cant imagine how you must feel and i never thought to ask you what was wrong and thats my fault. i should’ve noticed.”

you went to speak but he cut you off. “i love how touchy you are, i love getting to cuddle you after work. and im sorry i’ve been so busy the past two weeks with my job. i promise ill try to spend as much time with you as i can alright?” he spoke softly to you. he smiled softly as you lifted your head, letting out a small nod.

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

“im sorry.”

“was i really being that clingy?”

steve looked at you and saw the sad look on your face. it had hit you harder than he had realized and he took your hands in his, looking at you as he spoke.

“i love you. okay? look at me, i promise you weren’t being clingy. not at all. im just an asshole who took my anger out on you and im sorry. i love how much you touch me, i love how in the car even if we aren’t holding hands properly your pinky’s linked with mine. i love all the little things you do.”

you nodded up at steve with tears brimming in your eyes. he pulled you into a hug and you both sat there in silence. “wanna finish that movie?” he looked down at you. “mmhm”

[weirdmageddon]

ok i think i had one of the worst days of my life today. im just gonna go over everything that happened so just be prepared for some nastiness. i felt like this all day:

so i woke up feeling weird like something was “off”. it weirdly difficult to wake up and get out of bed, i felt bloated, i had an abnormal gag reflex while taking my pills. then when i got on the toilet……well idk how to put this delicately but i had a watery shitsplosion. and i was like. well ok. maybe it was just once. so i told my mom and got dressed and was just about to walk to class but i felt hot water in my colon about to be dispensed so i went right the fuck back to my dorm’s toilet. guess i was dead wrong. and dead wrong i would be. because holy shit this is only the beginning.

i sent an ask to the teaching assisant before my class saying “hey you got a zoom link i cant come in person i’m in the bathroom fighting for my life”. i would be fighting for my life in there the majority of the day.

so this is not good, i’m having a category 5 tummy event. i’m losing water quickly. i need to get hydrated.

so i rush myself to the student rec center because i know they have powerade zero in one of the vending machines. i swiped my card. “bad swipe. please try again.” i tried swiping it again twice more, both saying i had a bad swipe. i took out some physical cash and tried putting it in but the vending machine wouldn’t take it. it was broken. great.

lunch was being served at the time so from the cafeteria i got 3 bananas unfortunately all unripe, one toasted unbuttered bagel, and a handful of saltines. halfway through that i was back in the bathroom shitting my brains out. so i’m like, okay. i was talking to my mom the entire time during this btw. she is telling me i need to go to CVS for imodium. see the fucking issue with that is my asshole is leaking frothy bowel fluid unpredictably and there is absolutely nobody that can help me.

i told my RA the vending machines were broken and she told me the boar’s head sandwich shop in the cafeteria opens up at 1 and they have powerade there. so after 1 i went there, tummy very much upset and i’m just desperately clenching my cheeks like a drawbridge. they had no zero sugar powerade, just regular. i bought the powerade anyway. i’ve been trying to lose the freshman pounds i’ve been putting on and this would make that so much harder but i need the electrolytes. so i left with my powerade and as soon as i opened the door my stomach made the worst noise. like you know jerma worst noise? tummy worst noise 2022. and i swear humans can really learn quickly what signals mean because in every single one of these cases, that specific gurgling i got is a surefire signal to GET MY ASS A TOILET AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY CAN.

anyway i told this to my mom. so she says i may have covid because theres some gut-related problems being recorded with the new omicron variant. but the more likely scenario is that i have a norovirus that’s causing me gastroenteritis.

my mom says to call the wellness center and i’m like really losing my mind at this point because 1. theyre not on campus. theyre on another campus. 2. what the fuck are they gonna do over the phone??? i call them anyway and i’m like starting to cry now.

there was a rapid covid testing site set up outside of boar’s head literally MINUTES before but after 2pm they took it down. i was like, full on crying now. i am absolutely in hell. long story short i called that wellness center they signed me up for their patient portal and scheduled me for a PCR and rapid covid test tomorrow which i’ll be doing. but i was like boiling with frustration at this point. none of this is solving my current fucking issue. how fucking hard is it to get someone to go to CVS and get imodium for me so i can stop the onslaught of diarrhea i am current facing.

also at this point i had to reach into the emergency stock toilet paper because we ran out. and it was hurting my asshole so bad. after this i decided that since nobody was going to help me i had to bite the onions and risk shit dripping down my pants and go to CVS myself. i bought the imodium, some pepto bismol, and a gatorade zero after waiting on line between a stupid asshole in front of me taking forever to pay and a screaming child behind me whose mother just let him carry on. i tried to get the fuck out of there. but my card didnt go through so i had to step back in and try it again. then i got the fuck out of there. and as soon as i was leaving and at the red light my stomach did the Bad Churn and i was like. fuck no. no no. but i managed to suck it back up into my colon through sheer force of mental will and gluteus muscle power.

after yelling in the car at slow drivers on the road (nearly in tears…again), i found that someone took my parking space closer to my dorm room—course—so i had to powerwalk. when i got back i went straight for the bathroom for the i dont fuckin knowth time.

my ass felt like hellfire now. like someone stuck a sour warhead candy in my asshole and it eroded the membrane. and honestly considering that diarrhea is acidic that’s basically what happened at the chemical level. couldnt find any flushable wipes at CVS so all i have is this thin, coarse toilet paper. i was in HELL. and yet it still somehow managed to get worse.

anyway at least i have my imodium. i’m told to take one after every loose stool. i brought my gatorade and the medication into the bathroom for just that. the thing is the little silver sheets they come in are IMPOSSIBLE to fucking open. i managed to tear it with my bare teeth using an unnecessary amount of force to open them.

after two imodium, i noticed my bowels started to behave. i could actually exit the bathroom and feel at peace. so i went to lay down in bed and i began writing my professors a letter saying i’m sorry for two setbacks in a row (the first was the medication notification i sent them yesterday that my meds i need to stay awake and focus still haven’t been refilled. they are now though.)

i was just so upset because i was planning on actually doing work today because i FINALLY got my meds refilled, especially a lot of work for one of my big projects, but then i was hit with this. and i was trying to find a way to write a message to my professors, especially the one for that assignment where the due dates are firm unless there’s “documented exceptional circumstances” that this isn’t a joke to get out of doing work and and this legitimately immediately proceeded my medication notice even though i dont have a doctors note for it. but i sent it and thankfully i got an understanding response from that professor.

i was fine for about an hour. i was feeling really tired, my eyelids were heavy, still feeling terrible and bloated, and headache from crying. my stomach started to feel unsettled more than usual (in terms of today’s usual), so i took a pepto. i felt like complete shit. i still needed to do laundry, i still need to take a shower. everything at once was collapsing on me and i didnt have anyone to help me. my heart started to beat more aggressively, and that is never ever a good sign for me. in the back of my mind i knew what the fuck that was signaling but i dismissed it.

my mom told me to do my laundry tomorrow and that i should just get into a shower today. so i was preparing to get into the shower. i put on my shower flip-flops in but standing up gave me the runs so i ran in with my flip-flops on on.

and when i sat down i felt really, really sick. i couldn’t dismiss the way my heart was beating now, so knowing what that meant, i asked my mom, “what if i need to puke”. and she said “you will puke honey”

and what happened next was genuinely one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

i was suddenly spewing gastric liquid from both ends. i threw the fuck up all over myself and on the bathroom floor and i ran up without having wiped to the sink and threw up in there. and i swear i like i couldnt even think. my brain’s cortex literally just collapsed in this moment. my mind went blank. i had no idea where i was or what i was doing. i couldnt fucking think, i could not fucking see, my ears were all ringing and shit. i went back to the toilet as best i could and then started to process it. and i felt like i was going to fucking die in there with no one to hear me or help me. i literally couldn’t see anything for such a prolonged time. my vision was just white and spotty and i was dizzy and breathing heavy. i was staring at the ceiling just trying to process what the fuck just happened, the mess i now have to deal with, and the implications for it made me feel like i was in a dream and i was having a nightmare. i was just literally on the toilet sopping wet from cold sweat and vomit, the majority of which was pooled in my underwear and pants, behind multiple doors that require keys to access, away from home, with none of my roommates around (my pants are pulled down which would be humiliating if they were around anyway). and given that this is some kind of virus it’s highly contagious. so i just sat there and thought nobody was going to help me, i might fucking die if not from dehydration then from brain damage because it’s been a minute and my vision still isn’t back to normal, and ive never felt so fucking helpless in my entire life.

i tried my hardest texting my mom but i couldnt fucking see what i was typing.

the symptoms were like the kind where you stand up fast except way more intense. this lasted for a solid two minutes (according to the timestamps on the messages i sent my mom)

after this my mom called me and she guided me through what i should do but just Having someone there made all the difference.

despite all this, i went into the shower and washed all the undigested green beans and peanuts from YESTERDAY (so apparently my stomach was having issues yesterday if these were undigested) out of my clothes and flushed them down the toilet, i sanitized the bathroom from head to toe with lysol wipes, took a shower for myself as i was intending to anyway but kept having anxiety waves that made me feel like i was gonna throw up again but i didn’t. miserable hell. at this point standing up made me queasy but i went back to my room and slowly opened two new garbage bags, one for my wet clothes and the other for if i had to puke again. i got up and took my smelly wet clothes hanging in the shower and stuffed them in the bag but had to take a breather. then i took the bag from inside the wastebasket, tied it up, and put in the new garbage bag and put it next to my bed if i had to puke again. then i climbed into bed in my velcro towel and headwrap and my mom stayed on with me until i was feeling better and she had to shower. been sipping my fluids to rehydrate. i laid in bed until i felt well enough to change into some pajamas. though i really wished i had someone who couldve … idk at least actively aided me though? idk why it’s always me bending over backwards for myself when im in fucking hell right now.

and here i am now writing this post. lol sorry needed to vent