#which sucks cuz of all times to die it’s a rare occasion where I’m not actively suicidal and actually have shit to look forward to

[greenvillainredemption]

I went to see a horror movie today, and one of the jumpscares hit so different that I think I pulled a muscle in my shoulder or chest or back?? It’s hard to describe exactly where the pain is. In the moment it felt like my heart was being squeezed, the way it does when I have panic attacks but like 100% worse and it only lasted a second. But throughout the rest of the day I haven’t been able to turn my head fully to either side or move my left arm much without my shoulder area convulsing and my heart feeling like it’s being squeezed again.

It’s probably nothing but I’m ✨paranoid✨ and don’t want y’all to have no closure about my fics if I die or something lol.

[maserati-yokota]

AJW SUPER HURRICANE Commercial Tape 4/9/94

Rie Tamada vs. Chaparrita ASARI

This is ostensibly a rookies match but Tamada had been at it since 91 and ASARI since 92 so really this is just a juniors match. Tamada ties ASARI up like a bow in an attempt to keep her off her feet. The crowd couldn’t care less, but despite the wealth of talent on this show, the crowd seemed to all have dosed with Niquil so don't worry about it. This is perfectly fine and easily the best singles match either of them produced in their early days. Don't let the perverts in the audience sway you.

Mr. Buddhaman vs. Tomezo Tsunokake No firecrackers in this one! Lots of spots they worked around the circuit but also some pretty brutal spots. The crowd thinks this is comedy because the crowd is awful people. There are way worse ways to spend your time. These two could've lead a whole goddamn promotion.

Suzuka Minami & Tomoko Watanabe vs. Takako Inoue & Kaoru Ito I think even at this point Suzuka was still under the shadow of her former tag partner Hokuto, so the crowd is expecting a less than fiery performances from her. But everybody here shows the fuck up. Another counterpoint for everybody who says these four never blossomed. Haters never die.

Zen Nihon Senshukenjiai: Mima Shimoda vs. Miki Handa Miki Handa is sadly a footnote of the era. But in reality she was to LLPW what Plum was to JWP; she takes a colossal ass-kicking like an Absolute Girl and makes you love her and want her to win even though you know it ain't likely. In terms of the inevitability of CTE, that sucks a lot; but in terms of the wrestling narrative of the era (and still evident today, i.e. how Tam Nakano is booked in Stardom) it’s fun to have somebody who’s good at chasing and bad at catching. Stan Hansen? Great at chasing; didn't work as a champ. Ya feel me? Handa catches Shimoda with a quick German at the bell. Shimoda responds by doing the rope spot the world was tired of years before it finally stopped happening. Test of strength into finger stomp. Shimoda was LCO from the jump! Suzuka Minami on commentary, per usual. Shimoda doing joint manipulation and folding Handa into an origami frog is PEAK Shimoda. If Shimoda is Hokuto Lite, Handa is Cuty Suzuki Lite. Neither of those things are bad. Most of us will never be anywhere near that good at anything.

Shimoda throws Handa into every metal surface in Tokyo. Handa sells it by being THOROUGHLY peeved, then vertical suplexes her like a frilly Jumbo Tsuruta. Makes no sense but such is televised wrestling. You watch for the glorious moments when things coalesce into something greater than their constituent parts. Shimoda proves she's the WCW Ric Flair of the era by refusing to sell for anyone and just going thru her standard shit. UNTIL Handa gets her in a surfboard and then Shimoda looks like she's recovering from a visit to the dentist's. Weird sell but ok. Handa is def selling her part of the story--that Shimoda sucks on the mat; which we all knew but weren't sure would be enough to put her away. Surprise! It isn't. Mostly cuz Shimoda doesn't really ever wanna do business.

Zenjo vs. LLPW: Etsuko Mita vs. Eagle Sawai I can tell by the opening mat sequence that this is gonna be a 100hrs long. Eagle could go, she just always got mired in the mid-card sludge cuz no one in upper management thought she was photo book material. Mita Etsuko without a bright pink chair to hit folks with is rarely a Mita Etsuko you wanna watch.

Bull Nakano & Sakie Hasegawa vs. Manami Toyota & Kyoko Inoue Holy shit! How is this buried in this largely-forgotten event? Peak era for pretty much everyone involved. Hasegawa in upstart heel mode is a mood for the ages. She jukes Inoue and Toyota, Bull takes one step into the ring, and the crowd goes pale. Bull and Hasegawa take turns turning Toyota into a balloon animal ripe for popping. Hasegawa Tiger Suplexes Inoue into a billion day-glo shards. Hasegawa sells a top-rope DDT like someone everyone knows survived a catastrophic neck injury just a few years before--which is to say, like, "...that's all you got?" Bull doing a vertical suplex with a bridge is the rarest Bull; the crowd is a fog of question marks. Toyota's mouth is dripping blood. Hasegawa's spinning heel kick would still pop a crowd into a froth today. Watching her toss Toyota off when she goes for the lucha roll is so cathartic; no one wants to see a funny move done without a shred of irony. It is to Toyota's career as male pattern baldness is to Shawn Michaels. Why not have fun with it? Toyota does the German Airshow Leap to the outside and eats shit. (She's still bloodied, btw.) Bull figures if they both switch off chipping away at Inoue and Toyota, their combined efforts will rule the day. But twas not to be. The Fringe-Lace alliance get that good good W. Toyota realigns her nose and is back to looking crisp for the post-match interview. Hasegawa let's her shiny rainbow singlet, emblazoned with puff-paint, speak for her.

Aja Kong vs. Reggie Bennett This match wasn't even listed on the tape! I had no idea. This is their first encounter and will presumably last longer than their match from Arsion in 98--i.e., I am allowed to blink. No one will ever have better entrance music than AJW-era Aja Kong. It's inconceivable. Reggie has one giant French braid, cut-off overalls and a hardhat and she is your new fashion GOD. Aja does some Muta bits like spitting mist and doing a flying shoulder block. I'm glad the crowd enjoyed it cuz I think it sucked. Despite her present-day role (giving joshi aces a bog-standard 30min match on a monthly basis), Aja Kong transcends conventional gimmickry. She doesn't need that shit. Her reputation precedes her. It's at this point I notice Reggie Bennett is a beast who absolutely mauls Aja for the first 15min like no one I've ever seen. It's not just the booking; she legit tosses her around like my cat bats a balled-up tissue. Where is the Reggie Bennett shoot interview??? Aja shotays her way out of danger until they go into the crowd segment. Will Reggie blade?? Will she ever do a shoot interview? No and no. She does, however, power through two brutal lariats only to powerslam Aja! Has that ever happened? I cannot emphasize enough how intense Reggie's pace and strength are in this. Reggie takes a diving elbow to the clavicle and immediately dies. That made no sense. Aja spits yellow mist and now I hate her. Reggie Bennett forever. Post-match, Aja talks shit. Reggie commits herself to training harder. I say it again: Reggie Bennett forever.

Zenjo vs. LLPW: Yumiko Hotta & Toshiyo Yamada vs. Shinobu Kandori & Harley Saito I expect a Golden Corral buffet of kicks. A dumptruck full of kicks. A Nor'Easter of kicks descending upon me like I'm some quaint little hamlet. Kandori and Saito are basically the toughest LLPW had to offer. They're ready for Yamada and Hotta, though, and this is up and headed for the first overloaded plate of kicks before the bell has rung. Did Hotta vs Kandori ever happen? Shoulda. Kandori is horngry for AJW BLOOD. Saito is dressed like a tradtional Afghan dancer who has just discovered rave. Hard to say which I love more. Yamada kicks Kandori right in the jaw and...yeah no I've made my decision; I love that most of all. Hotta seems genuinely afraid of Saito. Kandori taunts Hotta, teasing the showdown, then decks Yamada with the QUICKNESS. This rules. Yamada has stepped up the stiffness for the occasion. You love to see it. Why didn't we get a year of these tag matches like All Japan in 91? Kandori dumps Yamada off her shoulders in one of the most wreckless things I've ever seen in a wrestling ring. Unfuckingreal. Hotta tries to smother Kandori but fears her Fujiwara armbar. As do I. They blunder into the finishing stretch with Saito as the speedbag. Saito never got her due. They seriously could've setup a whole year of main event booking around these four. Yamada finally nails her insanely complicated finisher and the streamers rain down. Structurally awkward but radiating more heat than most well-established feuds.