#which sucks because i was looking forward to a buck centered episode

[morganski-19]

Alright, I've slept on it, now I have thoughts.

Overall, this episode felt like when Disney Channel would have their Halloween episodes. No use to the plot of the show, just there for fun times and useless drama.

That's because this episode did literally nothing to further the plot of this season. Sure, there was more mention of Christopher than there has been, and that last scene where Eddie was packing up decorations and holding his picture. But that was it.

There was nothing to indicate what the issue that will come up between Buck and Tommy's relationship will be. It was just the same condesention issue that there was last season.

Hen and Karen had a storyline that didn't make sense, at least in the way they wrote it. Karen could have brought up the fact that Hen took off for Denny's first time trick or treating or something. Maybe how she took off for his first Christmas, or one of his big birthdays. Make this disagreement make more sense to happen this far into their relationship. It was a very first year of marriage kind of argument.

As for Athena, her plot was fine. The spoof of DARE actually made sense, I just hate that it was brought back up in the end. I hated the way that she made it seem like that man's actions were caused by the girls' behavior. Was egging his house a good thing, no. But that man made the conscious choice to chase down A CAR DRIVEN BY MINORS, MIND YOU, very recklessly that got himself and almost another kid killed.

Which brings me to the Denny accident. I honestly don't think it benefitted the story at all. It was very sad and tense, and I legitimately thought they were going to kill him off for a second. However, they wouldn't have. Because this was the fun episode that just needed a spice of drama. Which meant hurting someone close to the team. And since Mara just got back, and Jee is too young to endure that trauma yet, and all the other kids aren't in the show currently, it defaulted to Denny.

And they'll never bring it up again. Typical.

Also, anyone saying that Bobby acted out of character by letting Hen be involved in this case isn't exactly right. Bobby would be a massive hypocrite if he didn't, because he's done the same with his own family. And I think part of him knew that Hen would be the one to save her son. I think it would have been nice for him to come in and remind her of the chances, of the protocols. Not to push her, but to center her into the paramedic instead of the mother. Find that mix that she is good at, and has done before.

The pacing was also off. But I'm going to talk about that and the curse in another post because this is already getting long.

[moonlit-jeno]

red door, yellow door (m.)

pairing: mark lee x fem reader x jung jaehyun

genre/warnings: explicit sexual content | demon au | slight dubcon??? the mans a lust demon idk | Very mild horror themes | minor mlm | don’t attempt this game pls !!!

words: 8.1k

a/n: this is a repost from my old bts blog! pls don’t ask abt it bc i no longer actively follow bts :)

One of these days, you’re going to kill your coworkers.

You love them, you really do, but sometimes they can just be so dumb. It was Donghyuck and Renjun who came up with the idea to play this stupid game, one that is probably only played by naive 12 year old girls during slumber parties.

Normally you’d just brush it off, but Renjun had called you a wimp, so naturally you had to do it. Which is how you’ve ended up on your back with your best friend massaging circles into your forehead.

“Red door, yellow door, any other color door,” is being chanted around the room. You fight the urge to move your neck to a more comfortable position on Mark’s lap. Your hand twitches above your head, where your arms are raised. “This is stupid,” You whisper, and Mark laughs, scolding you lightly.

After a while, the mindless chanting lulls you to sleep, and you feel yourself drift off.

“What do you see?”

Two doors appear in front of you, one red and one yellow. They both look kind of old, paint chipping and peeling off.

“Anything else?”

A black door appears next to the yellow one and you find yourself drawn to it, wanting to go in. This one is shinier, considerable newer and more inviting compared to the other two

“Go in.”

You open the door and walk through, a sense of relief flooding through your senses as you give in to the pull. The room that you find yourself in seems never ending, the only thing in it a large bed.

“Do you see anyone?”

A man appears, sitting on the bed. The suit he’s wearing is unfitting for the plain surroundings- in fact, he’s unfitting for the surroundings in general. His teeth are blinding white when he smiles, not a hair out of place on his entire head. He’s attractive, all golden skin and beautiful features. Almost too beautiful. A shiver crawls up your spine, a tinge of discomfort bleeding into your senses. He smiles, dimples popping out, and you push the discomfort to the back of your mind.

“Who are you?” Your voice comes out distant to your own ears, echoing around you.

“Call me Jaehyun. Why don’t you come here, little bird? We can get properly acquainted.” The voice sounds haunting, like a distorted video. You wouldn’t believe that he’s speaking if his lips didn’t move in sync. Despite the unnatural voice sounding warning bells in your brain, you find yourself moving forward automatically and settling down on his lap when he pats his thigh for emphasis.

“And what’s your name, little bird?” He trails a hand up and down your thigh and you shiver, leaning back against him. He chuckles when you tell him your name, a pleased smile lighting up his features.

“Well, little bird, seems that we’re going to have some fun together.”

Your name is being echoed all around you, and you wake with a jolt, eyes flying open to see Mark staring at you.

“Are you okay?” The rest of your group is also gathered around you, standing in a half circle.

“Yeah, just fell asleep for a bit. Why?” You push yourself onto your elbows, sitting up so that you can lean against Mark.

Donghyuck plops down on the floor, sitting so that he’s facing you. “You were talking like you were having a conversation with someone. Who was it?”

You shrug, trying not to dull his excitement. “I don’t know, just some guy.”

“Was he wearing a suit?” Renjun asks, standing behind Hyuck. He grimaces when you nod. “Y/n, we literally told you not to talk to anyone in a suit. We told you not to talk to anyone. It’s in the rules.”

You roll your eyes, knowing how serious he gets when it comes to stuff like this. “Relax, it’s fine. He seemed nice, and it’s not like it was anything real.”

Renjun still doesn’t look convinced, but Mark interrupts his paranoia by doing what he’s best- or worst, depending on who you ask- at, cracking jokes.

“Hey, was he eating deviled eggs?” He laughs at his own joke, and everyone else groans. “Hey, don’t get mad at me. His place was probably such a hellhole.” The bad mood dissolves into jokes and loud laughter for the rest of the night.

You leave the party- or gathering as Donghyuck had called it because it sounded more mysterious- when it starts storming. The rain drenches you and pretty much everyone else that’s sitting on the porch, leaving you scrambling for shelter. Luckily, Mark offers you a ride.

“Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!” Mark hollars out the window of his truck, his words getting lost in the night as he speeds off. His truck hits a pothole and you can imagine him swearing as his head hits the roof. Giggling to yourself, you unlock your apartment and slip inside. It’s close to 2 in the morning, so you decide that if you’re already not going to get that much sleep, why not binge Shameless?

You only get through two episodes before your eyelids feel heavy, and you have to fight to keep them open. On screen, there’s a bar fight that you try to take interest in, but sleep quickly pulls you under.

“Welcome back, little bird.” The voice is all around you, but no matter how much you turn and search, no one��s to be found.

“Turn around, little bird, I am here.” Spinning abruptly, you come face to face with the man from earlier, Jaehyun. He gives you a chilling grin.

“So we meet again,” he starts, and his voice no longer sounds eerie or inauthentic. He sounds like, well, a normal man. “Tell me, what would you do if I were to kiss you?”

You swallow, tongue darting out to wet your lips on instinct. “Depends. Are you a good kisser?” You aim for coy, but you miss the mark and land closer to worried.

“You could say that.” He pulls you close with one hand on the back of your head, stopping right before your lips. “May I?”

You nod, and he pulls you in for a gentle, closed mouth kiss.

It’s like that touch ignites a fire in you, because before you know it, your arms are thrown around his neck, dragging him closer to deepen the kiss. You lick along his lower lip and he readily grants you access, a throaty groan leaving him when you suck on his tongue. Liquid heat courses through your veins when he nips at your lower lip, tongue flicking over it in apology. You moan, raw and needy. He likes that, if the chuckle and wicked grin is anything to go by. Picking you up so that your legs are wrapped around his waist, he walks over to a bed that definitely wasn’t there before.

He drops you on the bed, and then suddenly you’re both naked. Jaehyun leans over you, all lean muscles and golden skin. His cock hangs hard and flushed between his legs, and you have the urge to swallow him down. He groans, as if reading your mind, and then reaches to pump himself slowly, long fingers wrapped around the length. “Not now, little bird, not now. I have something else in mind.” With one gentle push to your shoulders, you’re lying flat on the bed, Jaehyun between your legs. His mouth hovers over your core, already wet and dripping despite not having been touched. He plays idly with the slick on your upper thigh, drawing random patterns into the flesh. His eyes are dark, and you could swear that they’re entirely black, no white visible. He peers curiously up at you from between your legs, watching your reaction as his fingers get closer and closer to where you want him. Your breathing picks up as arousal thrums through your body, center pulsing and aching for some sort of relief.

“May I have you?” His breath ghosts over your center when you speak, the sensation making you even needier. 

You nod quickly. “Take it, fuck, you have all of me.” He grins, wasting no time in diving in. His tongue feels impossibly good, licking up your folds and circling over your clit. He leaves sloppy kisses along your core, one hand massaging your thigh and keeping you spread open. You cry out when his tongue pushes into you, his nose brushing your clit and sending sparks up your spine.

His tongue feels impossibly long, so good inside of you that you feel like you’re losing your mind. Your hips buck up desperately, riding his face to hell and back. One arm gets thrown over your stomach to keep you in place while two fingers from his free hand dip into your soaking core, curling into that spot immediately. Stars flash behind your eyes, one hand coming down to fist in Jaehyun’s hair. Your feet scramble frantically along his back, heels digging in in an effort to anchor yourself, toes curling at the sensations singing through you.

You feel your orgasm drawing closer, heat pooling in your center. You whimper brokenly as you try to chase after your high, grinding your hips along his tongue. He lets you, just holding his tongue flat out for you to ride.

You come like that, falling apart on his tongue, screams of his name falling from your lips. He works you through it, tongue gently licking along your folds, slurping up your arousal as if he hasn’t had a meal in weeks.

You lay there, boneless and whimpering weakly through the aftershocks until Jaehyun pulls away to kiss up your body. He licks into your mouth hotly, reminding you that he hasn’t come yet. You bat weakly at his chest, pushing him onto his back. “Your turn,”

He groans in appreciation at the view of you above him. “So perfect, little bird. I’m gonna have so much fun with your soul.”

This sentence freezes you in your spot. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Jaehyun meets your gaze, black eyes entrancing you. “That means, y/n, that I’m going to have your soul. You belong to me now, hmm?” One of his hands plays gently with a strand of your hair. “That’s what you agreed to earlier, no?”

“N-no.” You try backing away, but the inhuman voice from earlier is back, echoing everywhere, repeating his words over and over until you can’t take it anymore-

You wake with a gasp, hitting your head as you sit up. Your computer is still on your lap, episode fifteen playing. Fuck, you’ve only been asleep for forty five minutes. It’s not even three yet, and you don’t have to go to work until eight. Deciding there’s no way you’re falling back asleep, you get up and decide to bake.

Five hours later, your coworkers love you when you show up with containers of cinnamon rolls, five different types of cookies, and a coffee cake. Mark looks mildly worried.

“You okay? I haven’t seen you bake since high school.” You snap out of your thoughts and turn to face Mark. The look of concern on your best friend’s face is enough to make you feel guilty and you nod, forcing a smile onto your face.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Had a bad dream last night and couldn’t sleep, that’s all.” You respond, trying not to show how bothered you actually are.

“Wanna talk about it?” Mark leans forward over his desk, chin planted on his hand.

“No, it’s gonna sound dumb.” You whine, shaking your head. And it is dumb, even to you. You’re scared because you had a dream that some man ate you out and then told you he was going to take your soul?

“Well, you always sound dumb. Of course your dreams are gonna be dumb.” Mark laughs as you chuck a piece of cake at him, infectious laugh soothing you. You sigh.

Mark raises his eyebrows at you when you finish telling him your dream. “You’re scared because you had a wet dream? Damn, I’d be living in a nightmare if I was scared after every wet dream I’ve had.”

You kick him under the table. “Mark! It was really scary. He told me he was going to take my soul!”

Upon seeing that you’re actually freaked out, his face softens. “Look, y/n, you’ve got nothing to worry about. You probably just thought that he was hot, and your brain remembered his face and put it in a dream. I wouldn’t worry about it; what’s the worst he’s gonna do, haunt you?”

You give a shaky nod, agreeing. It’s not like something from your dreams could actually harm you. Mark reaches across the desk, taking your hand in his and giving a tight squeeze, warm brown eyes gazing at you openly. “And if something does happen, just remember that I’m your best friend. I’ll be here for you.”

“Thanks, Mark. Means a lot to me.”

He leans back in his seat. “Anytime, anyplace, anything. Triple A.”

You smile, raising an eyebrow. “Anything?”

His eyes go wide, taking in the glint in your eyes. “Within reason.”

“How about a sip of coffee?” You nod down at his cup, pasting a huge smile on your face.

“I did say within reason, so no.”

You huff. “I expected that.”

Although you don’t scare easily, it’s safe to say that you’re a bit unsettled tonight, especially after your nightmare last night. You find yourself jumping at every little noise, hand slamming the light switch on with your pulse racing every five minutes. This has been going on for an hour, and after a final sweep of your room reveals nothing, you decide that maybe a face mask will help you relax.

Your bathroom has two mirrors facing each other, which is normally a blessing when you do your hair, but tonight it does nothing but make you want to hide under your blankets.

Get a grip on yourself, you chastise, grabbing your phone and opening spotify. Maybe some music will help? You click on your Christmas playlist because what better way to cheer up than to think about your favorite holiday?

A mistake, really, because it seems that you’ve forgotten how creepy Santa is.

“He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake,” Yikes. You stop that song in a hurry, feeling anything but comforted. No music then, noted.

You reach for your face wash, turning the sink on and waiting for the water to warm. You can’t help but glance in the mirror behind you every so often, paranoia getting the best of you. Man, you feel pathetic, worrying about monsters in your closet like you’re six and not twenty-six.

You wash your face quickly, hoping that your fears will wash away as well. No such luck.

You swear you see something move behind you after you dry your face off, but there’s nothing there. Shaking it off, you reach for your face mask, taking your time painting your face with the green clay.

It’s after your face is coated that you spot someone in the glass behind you. You scream, whipping around to come face to face with a man. Not just any man- Jaehyun.

Your heart thunders in your chest, eyes widening in fear. He seems to be in the mirror, copying your petrified expression mockingly.

“Hello, little bird.” He purrs, smirking lightly.

“Are you- are you in my mirror?” You’re in disbelief, mind struggling to comprehend this. First you spot him while in a weird trance, then in a dream, and now in your mirror? Maybe you’re having a quarter life crisis.

“No, I am not. Mirrors are just gateways to alternate dimensions. I’m merely using the mirror to visit you.” He says this like it’s common knowledge. It feels like your throat is made of sandpaper with how hard it is to choke out your words. “O-okay. I’m just gonna- yeah.”

You grab your phone from the counter and bolt, fumbling for your keys before jumping into your car and speeding off in the direction of Mark’s house. You call him, fingers fumbling on the screen. He goes to voicemail the first time, and your heart drops. “No, no, no,” you whisper frantically, calling again. He does pick up this time.

“Y/n? It’s the middle of the night.” His voice sounds gruff, and you feel guilty for waking him up. One glance in your rear view mirror reveals that Jaehyun is joining you on this ride, and you scream, car swerving violently to one side before you straighten it out.

“Where are we going, little bird?”

“Y/n? Are you okay?” Mark’s voice has lost its sleepy edge, taking on a concerned tone. He says your name again, more frantic.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Your tires squeal as you make a turn, now only two blocks away. “Can I- can I come over? I really need to be with someone right now.”

“Of course, you know you’re always welcome. The door’s unlocked.”

You hang up, willing the tears in your eyes to not spill over. Finally arriving, you slam on the breaks and haphazardly pull next to a curb, yanking the key out of the ignition and sprinting to Mark’s house.

You lock the door behind you when you step inside, testing the handle as if a door could stop a mirror traveling demon or whatever the fuck Jaehyun was from coming inside. “Mirrors,” you mumble, reaching the stairs.

“Y/n? What’s-” Mark stands at the top of the stairs, one hand rubbing at his eyes. You cut him off, flying up the stairs.

“Mirrors, fuck. Mark, we need to cover the mirrors!” You breeze by his shocked figure, not noticing the way he turns to stare at you incredulously.

“What, why? Y/n, are you crazy?”

Ignoring him, you throw a towel over the mirror in his bathroom, ripping open a pack of bandaids to use as adhesive.

You throw another towel over the mirror in his bedroom, collapsing on his bed when you’re done and finally allowing yourself to sob.

“Y/n, hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Mark, as gentle and caring as ever, comes over to sit next to you, one hand combing through your hair.

“I- don’t laugh at me.” You stare him straight in the eye, pleading with him. You know you’re going to sound crazy, but you’re praying that your best friend listens to you. He nods, urging you to go on.

“That- that man I saw in my dream and during whatever fucked up game Hyuck had us play? He was in my fucking mirror, Mark. I- the whole night, I had this feeling that I was being watched, and then I went into my bathroom and he was just there, and-” You’re hyperventilating at this point, fighting for every breath, tears clouding your vision. “He was in my car, in the rear view mirror-” Mark pulls you closer, enveloping you in his arms and allowing you to sob loudly into his chest. You cry for a few minutes, until you’re finally able to pull yourself together.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’ve had a rough week, I know. It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay.”

He wipes a tear away from your check, patting you lightly. “Why don’t you go wash this off, okay? We can watch a movie after.” He offers, and until that point, you’d forgotten you were wearing a face mask. You grimace at the green imprint on his black shirt, but he just chuckles. “I’ll go grab you some water in the meantime.”

Nodding, you garner up the energy to walk to his bathroom. It’s fine, the mirror’s covered, he can’t hurt you. You close the door just in case, wanting an extra level of protection

You rinse your face with cold water, hoping that it will clear your mind. You give your face a couple more splashes before drying off with a towel.

“You missed a spot on your forehead.” You freeze before looking around wildly. There’s no one around, which can only mean that Jaehyun can still see you. Swallowing, you start the water again, rubbing at your forehead.

“And your left cheek.” You rub at the skin, being way too harsh but you excuse it considering your situation. “No, your other left. My left.”

“Jesus,” You growl in annoyance, reaching up to rip the towel down. Sure enough, there’s a splotch of green on your cheek. Jaehyun’s nowhere to be found. Maybe I am losing my mind.

You finish rinsing the mask off, finding some face lotion buried in Mark’s drawer, screaming bloody murder when Jaehyun appears in the mirror again. “Looking for me?”

“No! Leave me alone!” You cry, head spinning. Jaehyun fakes a pout, holding a hand over his heart in mock hurt. Do demons even have hearts?

“Ouch, little bird. You don’t want to finish what we started the other night? When I had you moaning so pretty, so wet for me. I’m sure your pussy would take me so well, hmm?” Your heart rate kicks up again, but for a different reason this time. You almost moan, thinking about the dream.

Because he was right, you had been so wet. The want comes back full forces, slamming into you like a truck. You remember how needy you were, wanting to suck his cock so bad, wanting him to fuck you like there’s no tomorrow. All fear that you previously had is slowly disappearing, fading into lust.

The demon smiles knowingly. “Ah, little bird, so you do remember. Remember how you promised me that you’re mine?”

You nod, eyes glazing over. You’re wet, panties starting to stick to your throbbing core uncomfortably.

“Mmmh, I bet you’re already dripping for me. Just waiting for me to come out and fill you up.”

Hearing your name leave his lips sends a wave of arousal crashing through you so strong that your knees buckle, grabbing onto the counter for support. He chuckles, but whatever he’s about to say is cut off by Mark.

“What were you say-” Your best friend trails off, eyes wide as he observes the scene. You snap out of your haze at the interruption. His mouth parts in shock. “You really weren’t kidding, shit.” He laughs humorlessly.

Then, quick as lightning, he rears back and punches the mirror. You scream in surprise at the crack, shards falling to the floor.

You and Mark both stare at the broken shards of glass on the ground, gleaming under the lights. “Mark,” You start, trailing off once you realize you have nothing to say. He seems to understand, walking forward until he’s close enough to pull you into a hug. You feel tears start to slide down your cheeks, dampening the cotton of your best friends shirt. You hug him closer, burying your face into his broad chest. He wraps himself around you, and you let yourself be lulled into the sense of security that his larger frame brings you. A sense of security that vanishes once you hear a low chuckle that definitely does not belong to Mark.

You both scream, leaping backwards and away from the noise. Jaehyun stands there, just in front of the door, with a shit eating grin on his face. You cower behind Mark, who is wrapping a protective arm around you while simultaneously trying to hide behind you.

“I really must thank you for finally setting me free. Normally I have to wait for some asshole with a ouija board, but then there’s just so many other demons that I have to compete with. So I just stick to the dream world-” He pauses to wink at you for emphasis “-but this is so much more fun.” His eyes are black, and you can’t tell where he’s looking. Swallowing, you clutch onto Mark’s arm for dear life.

The demon seems to regard the two of you for a moment, before his amusement seems to grow. He begins to move forward.

“Ah, Mark Lee. Lovely name for a stupid boy. Didn’t you know breaking a mirror is bad luck?” By this point, you and Mark are flattened against the wall, while Jaehyun stands less than a foot away from the two of you. There’s nowhere to run. This is it, you think, this is how I die.

Jaehyun chuckles, turning to you. You lower your gaze to the ground; it hurts to make eye contact with him. “No, little bird. This isn’t how you die, don’t worry.”

Then he’s backing away from the two of you, motioning to follow him. The logical part of your brain is screaming not to, but you find yourself drawn to him, legs carrying you after him without your consent, Mark clutching your arm tightly as he walks next to you.

Jaehyun seems to know the layout of the house, leading you straight into Mark’s bedroom. The demon grabs a chair from the desk and spins it around, straddling it so that he’s facing the bed.

He motions lazily. “Go on now, have a seat. Get comfortable.”

You find yourself sitting down on the edge of the bed, following his words like marching orders. Mark sits about half a foot away from you. Jaehyun shakes his head. “No, no, no. That won’t do. I said to get comfortable, did I not?” He raises an eyebrow as if daring you to argue with him. “Go lay down at the head board.”

You crawl to the head of the bed, settling so that you’re on your side, facing the demon. Mark follows suit, pulling you close to him so that you’re spooning. Jaehyun lets out a pleased hum. “Much better. Aren’t you much more comfortable now?” Nodding, you realize that you actually are more comfortable. It’s not just the change of position, but the energy in the room as well. The demon is no longer giving off a threatening aura. It’s more relaxed, maybe even happy? He certainly looks more relaxed, probably as happy as a demon can get, if not a little smug.

Your body is pulsing with energy, and it takes you a moment to place what you’re feeling. The earlier need to run that you had felt has been replaced with another need, albeit further down. Your thighs clench as another surge of heat pulses through your core, and your face warms at the realization. Why now, of all times, are you horny?

Jaehyun’s grin broadens as he seems to sense your dilemma. “Oh, little bird, if only you knew. Tell me, what type of demon do you think I am?” He watches you curiously, black eyes staring into your soul.

You try to tilt your head towards Mark, but the position’s too awkward and you only catch a glimpse of the side of his face. He looks a bit flushed from what you can see, teeth digging into his plush bottom lip, teeth that you could easily replace with your own- you blink, dazedly. What the fuck? Sexual thoughts about your best friend? That’s a new one. Even if you’ve noticed that he’s hot, you’d never thought about him sexually. Now, though, you can feel the hardness of his dick against your ass, and you can’t help but think about how good he could fuck you.

“Incubus,” You finally manage, blinking rapidly to clear the haze of your vision. Jaehyun grins, looking genuinely surprised that you’d gotten it right.

“Good girl. Make a little sense now?” You nod, fighting a moan as Mark starts to rock against you, slowly, as if he’s unconsciously doing it. Jaehyun notices.

“How about you, Mark? You doing alright over there?”

Your friend, your best friend, buries his face in your neck and groans, deep and delicious. It sends another surge of heat through your body, the growing need between your legs pulsing pathetically. “What are you doing to us?” The words are growled behind you, vibrating against the skin where his lips are pressed.

“Oh no, Mark, I’m not doing anything to you. The only thing I can do to you is make you realize your desires. Your deepest, darkest fantasies? I make that happen. Finally being able to fuck the girl you’ve been in love with for years? I make that happen.” The words take a minute to register with you, but you stiffen when the meaning hits you. Mark Lee, in love with you? An unlikely story, bordering impossible.

The demon chuckles at your inner turmoil, rolling his eyes at how dumb humans can be. “You too, y/n. You love Mark, even if you won’t admit it. You let the idea that he was too good for you scare you away from him. Do you not remember how often you thought of him, late at night after first meeting him?”

You groan in protest, not because it’s not true, but because you do remember. It had been so long ago. When you hadn’t known Mark, had only known of him. You pull away from Mark, awkwardly pushing him to lay flat against the pillows while you clamber on top of him.

“Mark, is it true? Do you love me?” You hold his face between your hands, staring into his eyes. He meets your gaze, pupils blown and eyes half lidded. He nods as best he can.

“So, so much.” Mark’s voice comes out raspy, matching his flushed skin. You lean down to kiss him, uncaring of the other presence in the room. Mark moans when your lips make contact, hands pulling you to straddle him. Your eyelids flutter at the feeling of his clothed cock against your center, rocking your hips to try to ease the throb of your core. His hands fly to your ass, pulling and kneading at the flesh as he urges you into a harsher pace.

The kiss is rougher, needier now, open mouthed and panting. Mark’s got his tongue tangled with yours, sucking in such a way that sends waves of heat through you. You want him in you, any part of him really.

Jaehyun seems to agree, speaking up from right next to you. You jump, having forgotten he was there although he’s the reason you’re like this in the first place.

“Let’s get the show on the road. As much as I’m enjoying this, I think we’d all enjoy something else a little more.” The demon reaches for the hem of your shirt and you nod, raising your arms above your head to let him pull the garment off. Mark groans at the newly revealed skin, hands going to cup your breasts through the fabric of your bra. “Fuck,” He whines, staring in awe at your chest. He doesn’t waste time before leaning up to kiss along your cleavage, pulling the bra down to expose your breasts. Another set of hands unclasp the bra before traveling down your torso to rub circles into your hip bones, sliding your sleeping shorts and panties off at the same time. Jaehyun throws the shorts somewhere off the bed. He keeps the panties, a pleased sigh leaving him as he appreciates the ruined fabric.

“Fuck, little bird. You’re really enjoying this,” He comments, as if he isn’t a fucking lust demon that can sense these kinds of things. You don’t voice your thoughts, because Mark chooses this moment to suck a nipple into his mouth, nibbling and sucking on the sensitive skin so that all you can do is moan. “You’ve even ruined your panties. They’re soaked.”

He hands the strip of lace to Mark, who lets out a throaty groan at the sight. “You’re not getting these back.” He informs you, slipping the garment into his bedside drawer. You ignore him, instead tugging insistently at his shirt. He takes pity on you, grabbing the collar and yanking the baggy tee over his head.

You let your hands slide down his chest in admiration, feeling the hard lines of his muscles. You lick your lips at how broad his shoulders are, how strong he looks. Jaehyun doesn’t give you much time to enjoy the view, gliding two fingers along your slit before circling around your little nub. A cry of pleasure leaves you to mindlessly press your face into Mark’s collarbone, nipping and sucking the flesh until you’re sure you’ve left a bruise.

Jaehyun slips the two fingers into your aching core, curling and dragging them so well along your walls. Sparks of electricity flow through your veins, heat pooling in your center.

Mark groans from below you. Looking down, you see that you’ve unconsciously dug your nails into his hard chest in an effort to ground yourself. You remove your hands, only to spot little red half crescents littered over his skin. You rub your palms over the marks as if to soothe them, but it seems that the man wasn’t groaning from pain.

“Y/n” He sounds so fucked out, voice hoarse and raw even though hardly anything has happened yet. “You look so good like this, so perfect for me.” He brings one large hand up to cup your cheek, thumb delicately stroking over your cheekbone before moving down to trace your lower lip. You part your lips, letting him slide in before sucking around the digit, tongue curling around it as if it were his cock. His eyes darken a fraction, tongue coming out to wet his lips, swollen and kiss bitten.

You moan around the digit as Jaehyun adds a third finger, stretching your walls so pleasantly that you can’t help but buck your hips back for more. A whine forces its way out of your throat as the demon pulls his fingers out of you, leaving an empty ache between your thighs.

“Don’t you think it would be more fun if she was sucking on something a bit bigger than your finger, Mark?” The voice startles you, breath tickling your ear as he speaks. The man under you nods, swallowing thickly. Your eyes are drawn to the way his Adam’s apple bobs with the movement, and a gush of wetness pulses down below. Your thighs are probably covered in your arousal at this point.

You scoot down his body, trailing kisses and bites down his toned stomach. You take your time unzipping his pants, sucking a mark into the soft skin below his navel. He’s hard as a rock, and you moan in appreciation at the sheer size of him once you shimmy his jeans down his thighs.

“No underwear?” You ask, mouth curling up in a teasing smirk. He huffs out a laugh, propping himself up on his elbows so that he can watch. “No, ‘s too restricting.”

You lazily pump his dick, thumb flicking over the tip once or twice. You plan to tease him more, but then Jaehyun’s pushing your head down and you have no choice but to open your mouth wide, innocent eyes peeking up at Mark as you take his cock in your mouth. He’s so big that you can’t take him in all the way, keeping one hand curled around his cock to stroke what your mouth can’t reach. You let it get sloppy, using your spit to ease the glide until you’ve got a pleasant rhythm going. Mark replaces Jaehyun’s hands with his own, gathering strands of your hair in his palms and using that grip to control your pace. “F-fuck,” He lets out a shaky exhale, letting his head fall back against the pillows once he’s satisfied with the pace.

Jaehyun slaps your ass, a loud smack sounding throughout the room. You moan, pitching forward onto Mark’s cock and gagging as he hits the back of your throat. A strangled cry leaves the man above you, his hips thrusting even further into the tight, wet heat of your mouth.

The demon kneads your stinging flesh before using his grip on you to pull your hips up. “Good girl,” You keen under his praises, sticking your ass up even higher. The warm, wet pressure against your center has you faltering, moaning almost violently around Mark’s cock. He doesn’t seem to be having any complaints, the vibrations forcing a moan of his own out.

Your eyes roll up into your head as Jaehyun wraps his lips around your clit, sucking harshly. You’re sure you’d be screaming by now if Mark’s cock wasn’t halfway down your throat. You’ve given up sucking him off by this point, content to let the man fuck your mouth while Jaehyun sucks your fucking soul out from between your legs. It feels so good, not used to being the center of even one man’s focus, let alone two.

Mark eases you off of his cock after you accidentally bite him, using your spit to ease the slide as he lazily fucks up into his loose fist. You rest your head on his thigh, alternating between moaning wantonly and mouthing messily against the skin as you feel your orgasm approach.

Jaehyun pulls away at the last second, and you whine loudly as your orgasm is cut off. The feeling of frustration leaves you close to tears, and you jiggle your ass in hopes that it will regain his attention. It does momentarily, as Jaehyun lands a harsh smack on the flesh, but he pulls away again.

“Mark,” The man in question looks up, hand freezing on his dick as if waiting for Jaehyun’s orders. And fuck, what a sight that would be: your normally brash and confident friend being so pliant and submissive to a near stranger… You blink out of it, feeling mildly ashamed even in your current state. Luckily, Jaehyun interrupts your thoughts. “I’m feeling generous today, so I’ll let you go first. You’ve been waiting long enough for this, anyway.”

Mark nods eagerly, pulling you into a desperate kiss. You paw at every inch of skin you can reach, searching for a release from the ache inside of you. Your wish is granted when he hooks two fingers in your soaking cunt, groaning at how wet you are. He scissors you open quickly, hissing at how tight you feel.

“Ready, angel? Want my cock?” The pet name has you moaning, though it draws a low chuckle from Jaehyun, who’s watching from his position next to Mark.

“Hurry up, already. Need you in me, ‘ve waited so long.”

Mark lights up at this, smile stretching his features. He looks so breathtaking in this moment, skin glowing and flushed, hair mussed up, eyes blown wide and half lidded.

“I’m yours,” He breathes, leaning up for one last kiss. His hands slide down to your hips, pulling you forward so that you’re hovering above his thick cock. “Ride me baby.”

“I’d love to.” Reaching one hand down to position him at your entrance, you start to lower yourself down. Of course, Jaehyun chooses this exact moment to stop you. He truly is the spawn of Satan.

“Little bird, hold on just a second. I found something of interest in the back of Markie’s brain.” You cringe as he mocks your earlier nickname for the man. “What’s this I’m seeing, Mark? You like it up the ass?” His tone is teasing, but Mark groans in embarrassment. His face has gone an alarming shade of red by this point. “N-no,” He tries to deny, sputtering excuses but Jaehyun cuts him off with a press of a finger to his lips. “Oh, Mark, don’t get shy on me now. It’s a perfectly fine thing to like. Little bird, you’ll get your turn in a minute. You,” He snaps his fingers at Mark. “Come here. Kneel up, just like that. Perfect.” He appraises Mark’s ass for a moment, hands moulding the flesh before slipping a finger in. Mark’s eyebrows furrow, and you shoot up in alarm. “Doesn’t he need lube?”

Jaehyun looks at you, surprised that you care, before chuckling. “I can produce lube. Perks of being a lust demon.” Winking at you, he returns his focus to Mark. You can’t see what he’s doing, but the pure pleasure present on your best friends face has you clenching your thighs together, waves of need crashing through you. If you thought he looked good before, he looks absolutely gone now. Breathless groans are leaving him now, eyelids fighting to stay open as he sinks down on the others fingers. You watch him, mesmerized, before shuffling over to him.

“How close are you?”

He forces his gaze down to you. “Kind of- nngh- close, w-why?” 

Wrapping a hand around his base lightly, you start stroking. “Will you come if I blow you?”

He moans, a punched out sound that takes you by surprise. “Fuck, yes, I’ll definitely come if you blow me.” You pout in disappointment. Upon seeing your crestfallen expression, he continues. “Maybe we c-can- oh, yes- figure something out. Jaehyun,” He turns his head back behind him, struggling to get the words out between moans. “Can I eat y/n out?”

There’s just something so hot about Mark asking for permission from someone else that you can’t help the whimper that escapes you. Jaehyun must nod, because then you’re being laid back, Mark settling between your thighs. He’s sucking sweet kisses into your core almost immediately, pulling your legs over his shoulders to give him better access. You’re letting out sharp cries of pleasure the whole time, eyes fighting the urge to roll back in your head in favor of watching Mark between your legs. A particularly well placed flick of his tongue has your hips rolling against his face, grasping the sheets in your hand as your mind blanks. The pleasure climbing through your system is insane, threatening to burn you from the inside out.

It only gets better once Mark starts moaning, his sinful mouth sending sweet vibrations traveling up your core. You manage to catch sight of Jaehyun behind him, kissing wetly along his shoulders and neck, features curving into a smirk once he notices you watching him.

“Little bird likes this, hmm? Like watching another man pleasure your boyfriend while he pleases you?” You hum, unable to tear yourself away from his gaze, unable to even think, letting his boyfriend comment slide. Whereas before it hurt to look directly into his eyes, you now find yourself getting lost in his dark orbs. It’s like a drug, your pleasure being amplified by the man, demon, whatever in front of you.

You finally break eye contact, head falling back against the mattress as Mark draws you closer and closer to your peak. Burying one hand in his hair, you use the leverage to grind your core against his face, chasing your sweet release. “C-close, Mark, please-” You don’t know what you’re begging for at this point. It’s too much but not enough at the same time. Jaehyun saves you from having to decide by cruelly ripping your orgasm away from you, again, dragging Mark’s face away from your pussy.

A few tears slip down your face at this point, frustration reaching its peak. Jaehyun wipes the tears away, laughing lowly. “Don’t worry, you’ll get what you desire soon.”

He must pull out of Mark, because your friend whimpers before seeming to realize what he just did and clears his throat uncomfortably.

“Mark, would you like to fuck our little bird now?” Mark nods, tongue flicking out to wet dry lips.

Jaehyun smirks. “Good. On your back. Y/n, ride him.” You don’t have to be told twice. You scramble onto your knees, wasting no time in straddling Mark before dropping yourself down on him. You both moan in satisfaction, you at finally being filled and Mark at your tightness. You have to brace both hands on his chest, almost collapsing at the overwhelming relief you feel. Beyond the burn of the stretch, his cock filling you up so nicely, there’s a sweet pleasure, a satisfaction.

You don’t wait very long to adjust, grinding your hips in smooth circles before lifting yourself off of him and dropping yourself back down. You quickly start a rhythm of you bouncing on his cock, eyes rolling at how fucking big he feels in you.

Mark’s hands are locked in a vice grip on your ass, fingers digging into the supple flesh and using his grip to urge you into a faster pace.

Jaehyun decides to join, coming up behind you to kiss at your neck, one hand reaching up to your mouth. “Suck,” He commands, slipping two fingers past your willing lips. You do, hollowing your cheeks and slurping around the digits, wishing that it was his dick. He hums behind you, bringing the wet digits down to your entrance, finding your clit with ease and rubbing fast circles into the little nub. You moan even louder now, feeling yourself speed towards your climax. You’ve been on edge for too long, you can’t hold on anymore.

“You close, little bird? Going to come on Mark’s cock? Gonna make him fill you up, pound into that dirty cunt?” His words get to you, your head falling back against his shoulder once more.

“Yes, yes! Oh, please, please-” He cuts off your mindless rambling by pulling you in for a kiss, one that you melt into. This is the first time he’s kissed you, and you’re quite upset that you hadn’t kissed him earlier. It’s a hot kiss, lots of tongue and teeth. It heightens your pleasure immensely, and you can’t stop kissing him. You suck on his tongue filthily, and oh, he must like that if the resulting groan is anything to go by. Even when he goes to pull away, you won’t let him, one hand fisting in his hair to keep him close. He seems to be speeding up your release, if that were even possible. Your mind feels hazier now, every sensation heightened, core screaming for release. You feel your orgasm twisting painfully at your insides, pulsing before finally exploding. The intensity of it rips a scream out of your throat, nails scratching across Mark’s chest as Jaehyun licks even deeper into your mouth, drinking up the noises you make.

When you come down, Mark is still thrusting desperately up into you, though he stops at the demons command. “From behind,” You hear Jaehyun say, but everything’s hazy at this point. Your mind is still fuzzy from your orgasm, and it’s like watching through a screen. Like you’re high, though you hadn’t had anything the whole day.

Mark manhandles you into position, hands and knees with your ass raised high in the air. He leaves one gentle kiss on your shoulder blade before relentlessly pounding into you, cock hitting even deeper in this position. Jaehyun kneels in front of you, pulling your face in towards his cock. You moan around him as he slips inside, mouth not quite burning at the stretch like Mark, though the demon still has you gagging. His cock has the same effect on you as his kisses did, and you feel addicted. You’re slurping and sucking and moaning around him, not wanting the intense pleasure to stop. You barely hear the kissing above you, taking far too long to register that Jaehyun has pulled Mark into a messy kiss above you. The image has you moaning even more wantonly, ass pushing back against Mark.

The kiss seems to have a similar effect on the man, because then he’s slamming into you at an even more relentless rate, moans higher and more frequent before he’s coming with a shout, finally filling you up. Your core pulses again at the feeling, and you suck at Jaehyun’s dick with renewed vigor. His hands fist in your hair, keeping you still so that he can fuck your mouth as hard as he wants. You relish in the feeling of your throat being fucked raw, spit dripping out of your mouth and down his cock. He lets out a deep groan, hips slamming deep one last time as he finishes. His cum seems to ignite a fire within you, because you’re coming almost simultaneously with him, despite not even being touched.

You collapse afterwards, dragging yourself to Mark and letting him drape himself over you. You let yourself drift off to sleep, sated and still riding the high.

The demon kisses each of you one last time, drinking in the last remaining parts of your soul, watching as the two humans take their last breaths. “Thanks for the meal, lovelies.” He chuckles, petting your head almost affectionately before walking out into the night sky, not sparing a single glance back.

[spideyhexx]

brat; L. L.

pairing; president!loki x female reader

a/n: self indulgent fic :) cause we deserve more of this loki

masterlist part two!!! part three!!!

reblogs/comments/feedback is appreciated!

summary; you attempt to trust loki but that never works out and he has an idea for a going away present.

NSFW 18+ MINORS DNI PLEASE!!!

WARNINGS; mean!loki. name calling (slut...little one...whore...bitch). oral (male receiving). thigh riding. dirty talk. sort of loki episode five spoilers.

word count: 1.4k

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You should’ve known. Loki is never true to his word, but you hoped just maybe he would be different this time.

The Void put you in a constant state of trying to survive and although you were doing just fine on your own, but Loki, with his fitted suit and “vote loki” pin refusing to leave his suit jacket pushed his way into your life.

He’s tricked you countless times already and for some reason you keep trusting him.

Maybe it’s his smooth voice or his enchanting eyes. Or maybe you were just desperate to have more supplies.

This time he promised he would provide you with supplies on your trek to find a new place to take shelter. His sweet ‘of course I’ll help you little one’ led you to believe he’d follow through.

Now, you stand in his “lair” that he took from Kid Loki and he is nowhere to be seen.

A desolate quietness surrounds the room. You stay there, getting more impatient by the minute.

Just as you decide to leave, you hear the hatch opening and Loki climbs down the ladder. He spots you and his smirk deepens.

“Oh, love! You actually came,” he sneers and walks right past you. Loki settles into the throne in the center of the room and spreads his legs leisurely.

You try not to look at how good his thighs look in his pants, but you can’t help it and your eyes quickly look at them, then away. He chuckles, clearly noticing and rests his hand on his thigh.

“Of course I came, you promised me supplies? I was waiting here forever,” you exaggerate and he scoffs.

“Come on, you truly think I care about your little adventure? Enough to give you stuff I earned?”

You’re at a loss for words. You try to say something but he waves you off. The anger he’s igniting in you is only increasing as he keeps that stupid, sexy smirk on his face.

“I will miss you though, little one. Never get tired of messing with you,” he says, winking at you.

“Won’t miss you at all. You’re an asshole, Loki.” He raises an eyebrow at your words.

“I may be a jerk, sweetheart but you love it.”

His voice drops in a growl as he says it. You shift on your feet.

“Fuck you,” you snapped, trying to stand your own ground against him. You wanted to see his face drop and it does, then he smiles.

“That’s not a no.” You huff and he dramatically pouts.

“You’re so annoyed aren’t you? Asshole Loki makes you heated. So much in fact, you could’ve left by now...yet you’re still here. Pathetic...isn’t it?”

He doesn’t hide it when he looks you up and down. He leans further back into the throne and spreads his legs wider, which only adds more sparks to the ever growing fire instead of you.

“How about we have some goodbye fun, love? Your only chance.”

Loki moves his hand to the bulge in his pants, lightly pressing against it. He sighs, then while keeping his eyes on yours, slowly unzips his pants.

Your body moves without another question. You stride over to him and he reaches up to push you down to your knees.

“Take care of it,” he says and points to his crotch, widening his legs for you to settle between them.

You attempt to pull his pants down but Loki grabs your wrist. He holds it tightly as he takes his cock out, leaving the pants still on. He lets go of your wrist and looks at you expectantly.

“Well? Are you going to suck on it?”

You are, but you’re taken aback, both by his size and how good he looks staring down at you.

Loki scoffs and grabs your jaw, sticking his thumb into your mouth.

You suck on it and he groans.

“See? You can suck on my thumb, so I think you can suck on my cock. Or is that too hard for you?”

He taunts and removes his thumb from your mouth, smearing your saliva against his cock. You lean forward and wrap your lips around the tip. He grunts and you smile.

“Don’t get cocky, little one. I can ruin that smile in two seconds,” he growls, watching as you take more of him in your mouth. You can’t help but moan around him as you bob your head up and down, your underwear already soaked from sucking him off.

“This is turning you on a lot, isn’t it? Fucking whore, aren’t you? Getting horny over my cock in your mouth?”

His voice is gravelly and spurs on your moaning. He bucks his hips up, practically fucking into your mouth.

“Take all of it bitch.” You moan at his harsh words and he laughs breathily.

“You like being called a bitch too? Hell, I should’ve fucked your face sooner.”

His movements quicken, tears threatening to spill from your eyes until you need to pull away for a breath and he surprisingly lets you. Loki waits only a few moments before pulling your head back to his cock.

You choose to instead kiss down the length of him and then attach your lips to his balls, sucking, kissing, licking whatever you could do to hear him spew filth at you.

“I’m gonna cum, put me back in your mouth little one.”

You don’t listen, but suck harder at the base of his cock, using your hand to jerk off the rest.

“Did you hear me, little one?”

Loki is about to say something else but he groans instead, not being able to stop himself from cumming. It lands on his shirt and a bit on his pants. He growls and pulls your head back from his cock.

“Fucking whore you are. Look at this mess?”

You feel a little proud, making him more pissed off as a last hoorah. You stand, shrugging his hand away and wiping your lips.

“You deserve it,” you quip. Loki reaches out, grabbing your waist and pulling you back to him.

“Do I? If I deserve a mess then maybe you should contribute to it.”

He yanks your pants down along with your underwear, then pulls you into his lap.

Loki sits you directly on one of his thighs and you can feel some of his cum on your own thigh.

“Rub against me, little one. Make a fucking mess,” he orders.

You hold onto his shoulders, so broad, so strong against the fabric of his jacket as you slowly start to grind on him. He smirks and looks down, watching as your cunt rubs his thigh.

“My leg’s already wet from you. Desperate...horny...soaked...little whore.”

You moan his name and he laughs.

“Please,” you mumble, moving faster, tilting your head back to focus more on the pleasure.

“Please what? Oh dear, do you want to cum?” His voice is teasing and you look back at him just as he dips his fingers down to rub at your clit.

“Holy….fuck yes. Want your cock too,” you stammer out, trying to press yourself against his fingers.

He takes them away and you whine. Loki sucks his fingers into his mouth and hums.

“Too bad, little one. You’re not cumming yet. I don’t think you really deserve it after being a pathetic brat. Just keep humping me like a cock hungry whore. Not allowed to stop.”

You whine at him again and he leans back, keeping his hands off of you.

The urge to finish was lurking and threatening to occur and you try to hold it back but it seems useless.

“Please, Loki. I need it, please I need it.” He sighs and moves closer to his, his lips lingering on yours.

He smirks, “I don’t fucking care.”

Those words should not do something to you, but they do and you can’t stop your release from exploding through you.

It’s stronger than anything you’ve ever felt, your mind numbing as you ride out your high.

You can’t enjoy it for too long though because Loki pushes you off of him and you fall onto the floor. He looks down at your release soaking his thigh.

“You didn’t listen, again. What was I saying before? Oh! Pitiful little brat, you are. So much of a slut that you can’t hold yourself back, hm? Can’t listen?”

He stands up and begins to walk to the ladder.

“W-Where are you going?” You ask him and he reluctantly turns back.

“Sweetheart, you don’t deserve more of my cock. Go fuck off on your adventure. Learn to behave like a good whore. Maybe if we cross paths again, I’ll be able to fuck deep into that cunt while you listen to me,” he sneers before climbing up the ladder and out of the hatch.

[madpanda75]

“Fifties Fantasy”

I’ve had this idea for awhile about my favorite dirty trashcan, Trujillo. What if Nevada had a secret guilty pleasure for wholesome cheesy tv shows and the reader catches him.

Warning: NSFW Rough sex, Knife play

You and Nevada hadn’t been together long. In fact, you were the first person in years to be given the title of “girlfriend” by the powerful drug lord. It was a whirlwind relationship and soon Trujillo was asking you to move in with him. Boundaries having been crossed, you both were able to open up to each other in a way you had never experienced before.

Living with Nevada was different than just dating him. The drug lord was more relaxed at home, his sanctuary away from his life of crime. He would dance with you in the kitchen while you were cooking and sing to himself in the shower. He would also never hang up his leather jacket, which led to a bit of a tiff between you both.

Finding out each other’s quirks was expected in a relationship, but what you didn’t expect was to come home early from work one day to find Nevada lounging on the couch, watching an episode of Leave It To Beaver. He was cracking up at a corny joke Mr. Cleaver was telling Beaver when he noticed your presence and immediately tried to change the channel. But it was too late, you had caught him red-handed.

He mumbled some excuse about channel surfing before heading out to meet with his men. After he left, you sat down and watched the wholesome show, your mind boggled over what the appeal was to your drug dealing murderous boyfriend when you had a light bulb moment.

A week after the incident, you stood in front of the mirror, tightening the strings of your apron before swiping the cherry red lipstick across your lips. Turning from side to side, you looked yourself over one final time, admiring the way the crinoline slip rustled under your polka dotted full skirt swing dress.

A timer going off in the background brought you back to reality, Nevada would be home any minute and you still had to put the finishing touches on your dinner. Your heels clacked against the floor as you ran back to the kitchen to pull the meatloaf out of the oven and scoop the potatoes into a serving dish. Placing all the food on the table, you lit some candles and turned on some 50s kitsch lounge music.

You ran to stand in the foyer when you heard movements outside the apartment and a key unlocking the door. Waiting for Nevada with a dirty martini in your hand, you let out a nervous sigh, hoping this would be a fun fantasy for your boyfriend.

“Y/N? I’m home,” Nevada announced, opening the door only to stop in his tracks when he saw you standing there dressed like a housewife from the 1950s. His jaw dropped, eyes widening as he took in your appearance. You had accomplished what many men didn’t think was possible. You shocked Nevada Ramirez. Shock soon turned into laughter and the drug lord was bent over, holding his side as he laughed harder than he had in years. “Y/N!  What the actual fuck?”

A blush formed on the apples of your cheeks. You straightened up a bit and smiled, continuing with your act. “Welcome home, my darling. How was your day at the office?” You helped Nevada shed his leather jacket and handed him the martini.

“Office?” he exclaimed. “Oye, pero estas loca? You been dipping into my stash?

“It’s a surprise! Now go wash your hands, dinner’s ready,” you replied, pushing your boyfriend to the bathroom

Nevada cleaned up for dinner and went to sit at the table just as you were slicing meatloaf to put on his plate. He scanned the room, studying the ambiance you had created. The music, the food, the outfit, it all suddenly clicked into place.

“I know what this is.” He narrowed his eyes at you. “This is about last week when you caught me watching Leave It To Beaver. Isn’t it?”

You feigned innocence, simply shrugging your shoulders. “I don’t know what you’re referring to.” He quirked his eyebrow, staring you down, knowing you would eventually crack. “Ok...yes, you caught me. It is because of the show but I just wanted to do something special for you. You’re el hombre de la casa y el rey de mi corazón. I love you so much.” You smiled at him and placed your hand in his.

“I love you too, mi reina,” he replied, bringing your hand up to his lips, placing a kiss on your fingers before digging into his meal.

Nevada leaned back in his chair, scratching his stomach when he finished his dinner. “That was delicious, baby.”

“Gracias, mi amor. I’m so glad you liked it.” You kissed his cheek, getting up from the table. “I hope you saved room for dessert. I made an apple pie.” He watched your ass as you strutted into the kitchen, your hips swaying from side to side. His cock was already half hard thinking of all the dirty, lust filled acts he wanted to do, how badly he wanted to defile you and strip you of your squeaky clean facade.

When you came back to the table, Nevada grabbed your hand, pulling you down on his lap, nearly causing you to drop the pie. “Nevada! What are you doing?”

“Forget the fucking pie,” he growled, taking the pie plate from your hands and placing it on the table. “I know what I want for dessert, Mami.” He arched his hips upward, kissing along your neck, his teeth grazing against your pulse point. The vein practically throbbing underneath your soft skin. He sucked a deep purple bruise and moved back to trace it with his finger, admiring his handiwork.

Leaning forward, he stuck his finger in the pie, gathering some of the fruit filling and dragging it across your lips. He cupped your face, kissing you hungrily, running his tongue against your own. “Mmmm, you taste so much sweeter than any pie,” he purred.

You softly moaned and grinded down against him, the rough denim from his jeans creating a delicious friction against your center. “But...what if Wally and the Beaver hear us?” You batted your lashes at him, accentuating your sensual pout.

Nevada smirked against your skin. “Let them. I want everyone to hear you scream my name when I fuck you.”

“Take me, Nevada. I’m yours,” you whispered against his lips. He cupped your ass and stood from the table. You wrapped your legs around his waist to assist him, your mouth never leaving his as he carried you into the bedroom.

He set you down on your feet near the end of the bed. His hands roaming your form until they wrapped around the pearl necklace you were wearing and tugged you closer to him. “Get on your knees,” he said, unzipping his jeans and freeing his erection. “You’re gonna suck my cock wearing your pearls.”

You didn’t hesitate to obey. Kneeling in front of him, you wrapped your delicate hand around his hard cock and began to place soft kisses along his shaft. You ran your tongue up the underside of him, tracing his vein before flicking against his weeping crown.

Nevada’s green eyes bore into yours. Just as you were about to take more of him into your mouth, he pulled away, holding his cock just out of reach. You whined, trying to wrap your lips around him as he continued to tease you. “What’s the matter, mi amor? You want my cock?” he cooed.

You eagerly nodded your head, looking up him with doe eyes and an open mouth.

He smirked. “You gotta beg for it. Tell me how much you want it.”

“Please Nevada, mi rey. Dame tu pinga. Fuck my mouth, Papi,” you whimpered, running your hands up his thighs.

“Well….since you asked so nicely.” He traced your lips with the head of his cock before guiding himself into your mouth. You moaned, his salty precum flooded your tongue. Taking him down to the base, you gagged as he pushed back past your throat.

Nevada threw his head back and groaned, threading his fingers in your hair and holding your head down for several seconds, relishing the sensation of your throat tightening around his cock. “Oh yeah. That’s it, baby. Take it all,” he growled, pulling you back up. Once you caught your breath, you eagerly took him down again, bobbing up and down.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned, watching himself disappear between your lips as he thrusted into your mouth. Tears began to pool in your eyes and drool was dribbling down your chin onto the front of your dress while you continued to deep throat him, but you didn’t care. All you could focus on was the pleasure you were giving Nevada, his grunts and groans leaving you dripping with desire.

“You love sucking my cock. Don’t you?” he panted. You whined around him in response and moved your hand up to gently massage his balls. He tightened his hold on your hair, his hips bucking forward while you swallowed him down again and again. You hummed, licking and sucking, your tongue paying close attention to the “v” on the underside of his throbbing organ, gently squeezing his balls.

“Oh fuck! I’m gonna come!” he warned in a strained voice, taking his hand off the back of your head. Feeling his cock twitch, you sank him deeper into your mouth, your nose brushing against his pubic hair. His hips stuttered forward as he came with a loud groan, shooting his ejaculate down your throat.

“Holy fuck! Oh God.” He shuddered, watching you swallow everything he gave you.

You pulled off him with a pop, your chest heaving, tears streaming down your cheeks and a smile firmly planted on your face. “I didn’t spill a single drop, Papi.”

“That’s my good little slut.” Nevada grinned and helped you up to your feet. “Now take off your dress. I’m gonna fuck you into next week.”

You gifted Nevada a passion fueled kiss, allowing him to taste himself on your tongue before stepping away to strip. Your dress fell off your body, pooling at your feet only to reveal the bondage lingerie you had purchased from Bordelle. Your breasts and throbbing wet sex were covered by black satin straps and not much else. You loved wearing the kinky undergarments underneath your modest dress.

“Like what you see,” you softly said.

Nevada smirked and gave you a look of pure sin as he walked around you, drinking you in from head to toe, humming in appreciation. He stood behind you, your back flush against his chest, licking the shell of your ear, biting on the lobe. “Mmhmm, you look good enough to eat.”

A shiver ran down your spine as he moved to stand in front of you, pulling a switchblade knife out of his pocket. He licked the blade and inched closer to you. “Do you trust me?” he asked, his face softening a bit. No matter hard you both played in the bedroom, Nevada always wanted to make sure that you felt safe and secure.

“Of course, baby.” You smiled.

As soon as he heard your confirmation, his eyes became dark again, running the tip of the blade down your sternum before circling your nipple. Your breath hitched, feeling the cold sharp metal drag to the center of your chest. With one swift movement, Nevada sliced the fabric to shreds, exposing your breasts causing you to gasp in surprise.

“I’ll buy you a new set,” he purred, inching the knife down your stomach. Tracing your bikini line, he moved over to your hip cutting the satin straps off your panties. You bit back a moan. Your juices were practically running down your leg as you stood there completely naked, wearing only your pearl necklace. Silk and lace littered the floor like confetti.

Tossing his knife to the side, Nevada’s fingers ghosted down your body. He roughly squeezed your breast. Dipping his head, he swirled his tongue around your nipple before biting down on it hard while he moved his hand to your other breast pinching and rolling the hardened bug between his fingers. You let your head fall back and whined, arching into his touch as he dragged his tongue across the valley between your breasts and repeating his actions.

“Oh God! Please! Cogeme fuerte, mi amor,” you whimpered.

Nevada moved his hand down to your cup your pussy, tracing your seam with a single digit. “Is that what you want? You want me to fuck you so hard, you forget your own name?”

“Si, Papi,” you replied, shamelessly spreading your legs wider. “Te necesito.” In one swift movement, he turned you around to face the bed, planting your hands on the mattress to brace yourself, plunging two fingers inside you without warning. You moaned loudly, pushing back against him. Having been so worked up earlier, your body already teetering towards an orgasm.

He continued to thrust into you, abruptly stopping when he felt your walls begin to flutter against his fingers. Gripping your hair tight, he tilted your head back. “Don’t you dare fucking come,” he growled in your ear. “You’re my dirty little slut and I decide when you come. Me entiendes?”

“Y-y-yes, Nevada. I’ll only come when you tell me to.” You shivered, his rough tone turning you on even more.

“Good girl.” He kissed your cheek, slowly pumping his fingers again, his lips leaving a scorching trail of kisses down your spine that set your skin on fire. Kneeling down, he removed his fingers, sucking them clean before biting down on your ass cheek. He smacked the other cheek causing you to yelp in surprise, grinning at the red handprint beginning to form.

Switching sides, he smacked you again just as hard, running his fingers up your thighs and spreading open your wet folds. The pink luscious flesh quivered under his touch. “Look at the mess you’re making. You’re dripping.”

He didn’t hesitate to bury his face in your center. Groaning at your taste, he noisily licked and sucked at your sensitive feminine parts, gently tugging your labia.

“Oh Nevada! Fuck!” you moaned as he pushed his tongue inside you as far as it would go, lapping up your sweet nectar. He thrusted into your sheath, flicking over your entrance and moving his mouth up to suck on your clit.

“Mmmm your pussy is so sweet. I’m getting hard all over again just from tasting you,” he purred, biting your inner thigh and moving back up to run his teeth over your glistening pink pearl.

You grinded down against his mouth, half sobbing, feeling a spring tighten in the pit of your stomach. He held your thighs in place, his lips smacking against your wetness as he increased his suction on your clit.

“Nevada! Please, baby!” Tears threatened your eyes, fighting back the urge to come.

Just as you were at the brink, he ceased his efforts, kissing up your back, leaving wet spots on your spine. He tilted his face towards you, running his thumb against your bottom lip. “Awwww pobrecita,” he cooed, taunting you. “Do you want to come?”

You fervently nodded your head and crawled on the bed, getting on all fours. You whimpered a bit, looking back at him with pleading eyes. “Fuck me, Papi. Let me feel that big cock pound into me.”

Nevada groaned around a smirk at the sight of your pulsating wet sex, waiting and ready for him. He was still completely dressed, only taking his cock out. There was something so erotic about him being fully clothed while you were naked, exposed, vulnerable, spread out for him to do what he pleased with. Nevada may have been a dangerous man to others, but not with you. You trusted him with all your heart.

He licked his palm and stroked himself before aligning himself with your entrance and plunging into your folds, groaning when your hips made contact. You moaned loudly, your eyes rolling back into your head, feeling a deep burn as your inner walls enclosed around him.

Grabbing your hips, he rammed into you at a bruising pace, grunting with every hard thrust. “You like being fucked hard, Mami?” he purred.

“Yes! I love how your big cock fills me up!” you cried, gripping onto the bed sheets so hard your knuckles were white.

He moaned and slapped your ass hard, continuing to piston into you causing the headboard to repeatedly strike the wall.

“Please more! Give it to me!” you practically screamed, moaning so loudly you felt like a porn star.

Your body propelled forward as he slammed into you within an inch of your life.  “Coño, I’m not going to able to sit down tomorrow,” you thought. The strong steady sound of flesh slapping against each other echoed around the room.

“Oh God! I’m going to come! Please let me come for you! Please!” you begged, tears falling down your face. Your whole body trembling, about to tumble over the edge.

Nevada leaned forward, biting into your shoulder. “Come my little slut. Come for Papi”

Your orgasm hit you like a freight train. Unable to hold your arms up any longer, you collapsed onto the bed, screaming into a pillow, coming harder than you ever had before.

He continued to stimulate you through your release before pulling out and flipping you on your back, plunging back into your sheath. You whimpered as he snapped his hips forward, your body oversensitive. “It’s too much.”

“One and done?” Nevada said in an amused tone. “I don’t think so. I want another one from you, my little slut.” He threw your legs over his shoulders, watching your breasts bounce while he pounded you into the mattress.

The pain crossed over into absolute pleasure and soon you were lifting your hips to match his movements. You were thoroughly soaked. Nevada could feel his cock getting wetter with every thrust. Another steady stream of slapping noises coming back with a vengeance.

He groaned, looking down to where he split you open, his cock coated in your arousal as it disappeared inside you. “Oh yeah. I love feeling you cream on my cock,” he growled. “Tell me who this pussy belongs to.”

“It’s yours, Papi! Take it!” you sobbed as he moved harder and faster, slamming into you. Your carnal noises became louder, the grunts and moans you both were making drowned out everything else.

Arching his hips, Nevada changed the angle of his thrusts to hit your g-spot while taking two fingers and furiously rubbing your red swollen clit.

You gasped, “Oh fuck! Don’t stop! Please don’t stop!”

“I’m not gonna stop, Mami. I want you to come for me again. Come on….come for me!” he demanded.

You arched your back and nearly blacked out as he ripped another orgasm from you. Your walls clenching tight around him while you rode out wave after wave of pleasure.

“Mmmm, good girl. Let go for me, baby.” He smiled, watching you fall apart. He rolled his hips to prolong your orgasm, feeling his own quickly approaching. A sheen of sweat covered his forehead, his breath coming in short pants. Biting his bottom lip, he pulled out and stroked himself until he shot his release. Grunting and groaning as streaks of his hot cum painted your stomach and chest.

You came down from your high and looked down at your body, swirling your finger around the white sticky mess. You smiled and licked it off your finger. “Mmmm so good, Papi.”

He grinned, trying to catch his breath. “Don’t move. Let me get you a towel.” Nevada came back from the bathroom with both a wet towel and dry towel, wiping your body clean before drying you off. Tossing the soiled towels in the hamper, he shed his clothes and got into bed with you, pulling you close to him.

You hugged him tight, needing to be held after such a hard rough fuck. His fingers danced up and down your arm while he bestowed sweet, gentle kisses on your face. The two of you lay there completely sated and exhausted, until you broke the silence. “Nevada?”

“Hmmm?”

“Why do you like Leave It to Beaver?” you asked while absentmindedly stroking his hair.

He let out a long sigh. “ A couple years ago, I got shot in the stomach. It was real bad. I was laid up for two months. I couldn’t leave the apartment or anything. One day, I was in bed, bored out of mind, flipping channels and I came across Leave It to Beaver.” He softly chuckled as he thought back to the memory, “I actually enjoyed it. It was like an escape, ya know? A chance to forget about my troubles. Now everytime I need to just get away or clear my head, I put on that show and stop worrying about the world. It’s stupid, I know.”

Nevada was more than just a hardened criminal, he was a man and just like everyone else, he too needed to breakaway from the harsh realities of life and you were honored to be one of the few people that got to see that side of him.

“It’s not stupid. It’s sweet.” You traced one of the healed bullet holes on his chest with your finger, kissing it gently before placing a tender kiss on his lips, resting your forehead against his. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Thank you for tonight,” he whispered. “You know, if you have any fantasies or anything, you can always let me know.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively while playfully pinching your hip.

You giggled and played with his fingers. “Well…. I’ve always had a thing for pirates. You know like Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean.”

“Oye, I love you but I don’t know how I feel about dressing up like a fucking pirate.”

“I have you, that’s fantasy enough.” You lazily kissed his chest, snuggling closer to him. “Although you would look so hot in that tricorn hat and leather boots.”

Nevada snorted a laugh and kissed the top of your head. “Good night, mi amor.”

“Good Night,” you softly said as your eyes began to close, the sound of his heartbeat lulling you to sleep.

After your “fifties housewife fantasy” evening, you had forgotten about even mentioning your pirate fantasy to Nevada until one day at work. You were typing away on your laptop when your coworker stopped by your desk with a black velvet box and rolled up note that was stuck in a glass bottle. “Hey, a messenger stopped by and left this for you while you were away at lunch.”

You knitted your eyebrows in confusion at the cryptic present. Taking the paper out of the bottle, you unscrolled it to reveal a simple message:

“Wear this when I plunder your booty” -Captain Nevada

Turning towards the box that accompanied the bottle, you opened it to find a beautiful diamond necklace staring up at you. The jewels reflected against the afternoon sunlight streaming through your office window causing tiny prisms to dance across your skin. You fingered the piece gently and shivered a bit, thinking about your boyfriend and what you would come home to this evening. Nevada truly was a man full of surprises.

@glimmerglittergirl @southern-magnolia @sweetcannolicarisi @delia26 @obfuscateyummy @sass-and-suspenders @eclecticminded @thatesqcrush @katmstanton @amirightcounsellor @beltzboys2015-blog @letty-o @sonnysdoll @lyssa1385 @sweetsummertime99 @burningsorr0ws @gibbs274 @izzythefanfreak @babypink224221 @livxrafa @esparza-army @obsessionprofessional @ottosuricato @melsquared79 @dreila03 @frenchiefoxy @tropes-and-tales @thecraziestcrayon @goodluckfindingone @scarlettsoldier @amirightcounselor @yeah-boiiiiiiiiiii @imagine-all-the-imagines @imjustreallynosy @graniairish @ashley-chi @lolacolaempath @cocomel0613​

[thisislizheather]

January Jewels 2020

I’ve purposely put off writing this monthly wrap-up because, well, christ. January was a terrible month. I don’t need to go into the details of why, but the consensus from everyone that I’ve talked to fully agrees with me on this. What the hell happened? Starting a new decade is supposed to be great. In any case, I’ll always have high hopes for the future. And I’m just thankful to begin a new month. Here’s what went down in the pit that was January 2020.

First things first, I recapped how my 2019 resolutions turned out. Why don’t more people do this? Where’s the accountability in reviewing your past resolutions? They’re not fucking birthday wishes, they’re intentions! More people need to follow through with this, even if the results aren’t what you hoped for.

I made my 2020 resolutions.

I fell absolutely in love with this sketch.

I did two podcasts with Nathan - one where we talked about the pope incident and one where I absolutely scream at him about Hillary.

I read Jenny Slate’s new book as well as a tiny little book about how to live a good life.

I ended up buying another J. Crew swimsuit (the same one I bought a few months ago, but this time in red) and I have no regrets.

In love with Trader Joe’s (dairy free) coconut whipped cream, I can’t stop using it in hot chocolate.

I rewatched (or watched for the first time, I truly can’t remember) The Staircase and it’s so good. I’m pretty sure Marla got me MP3 copies of this years ago and I did watch it, but I completely forgot about it in detail. Such a good watch. If you’ve already seen it, do you know about the owl theory? It’s a wild one, but, like, I think an owl did it now?

I’ve been using a small bottle of OUAI’s Wave Spray and if I can figure out how to not overspray it, it’s a great product. Once you use it though, your hair only looks good that day. After you sleep on it, your hair looks like shit. (Is that true of all hair products? I have absolutely no idea.)

Bought this Banana Republic top for $13 on sale and I love it because it does not feel like it cost so little.

I don’t know if it’s a Canadian brand but I have found a wicked alternative to Dollarama: Buck or Two. I went to one in Brampton and they’ve got everything.

I watched most of the SNL with Jennifer Lopez and wow did it suck. 99% of the sketches were basically “She’s pretty. That’s the joke.” Fucking hated it. They do this a lot of the time with certain actresses and I can’t ever tell if it’s because the actress loves doing these sketches or they’re afraid she can’t be funny. Whatever the reason is, blow my brains out, please.

I went to the Ear Inn in the city and it was lovely! Super old place. Service was great. Burger was great.

I went to Glossier with the intention of buying the cheek stain and then decided against it. It’s not a good product. I literally pinched my cheeks and got a better rosiness.

I came across probably my favourite winter children’s book of all time, The Snowman by Raymond Briggs. Look at one page of this magic.

I was so happy to hear about this matter finally being settled in New York.

I went to The Dutch again for Restaurant Week for their steak tartare and it’s just heaven on a plate.

I rewatched the great What Lies Beneath and man, it’s still just such a great movie.

As you may have heard, Papyrus is going out of business, so I’ve popped in twice to see what the closing deals are and they aren’t worth it yet (only 30% off! C’mon! I won’t get out of bed for at least 60%), so I’ll keep stopping in every so often until they’ve become desperate.

Love this part of a recent SNL (below). (If you can’t see it in Canada, search for “white male rage SNL.”

I finally went to Boulud Sud for their pasta happy hour and man was it not worth it. The place has a terrible setup if you’re sitting at the bar, the food was absolutely nothing special and had ridiculous portion sizes. It’s also a bad sign when the bread is tastier than the entree. Super disappointing.

I tried on the bras and underwear from LIVELY in Soho and even though it’s priced reasonably, I couldn’t find anything I loved. I have a feeling that I could be into it though, so I’ll go again sometime in the future for sure.

I’ll forever love the lunch special at Pil Pil on the Upper East Side. I know I probably bring this up too much, but man. Love tapas.

I can’t stop buying sunglasses for sale at ALDO. And I won’t.

I finished season one of The West Wing and it was really good. I keep forgetting about it, but I should stick with it. People, like, loved that show, didn’t they?

I started using Sol De Janeiro’s Bum Bum Cream… on my butt. That’s what it’s for, no? So far, I mean… it feels smooth? It’s not at all greasy, which I like. Seems weird to have a cream just for your butt, but who am I to criticize.

Ate the fish tacos at Summer Salt and they’re good! It’s insane and great that they sell margaritas at a fast casual place, too.

Very into this Pat McGrath mascara that I got as a Sephora reward.

Love this Wells For Boys sketch (below) from a few years ago that I just saw for the first time (thanks for showing me, Irene!)

I haven’t been there in years, but I went to Sweet Afton for happy hour in Astoria the other day and had the pickle martini which actually wasn’t terrible. Love that place.

Tried the lunch burger at Peter Luger finally! And yes it was a good burger (love that they use American cheese and the bun was very good even though it's not a potato bun). Steakhouse burgers are always hard for me to rate since a steakhouse burger is a real *entree* unlike the regular, everyday burgers that other places have which are not as big and overwhelming. An everyday burger is easy to rate since it's either great, overrated or shit. A steakhouse burger has nuances, how juicy is too juicy? How's the quality of the meat? What are the ideal toppings? Should someone shoot me for my extensive burger thoughts? Yes.

I went to see a free orchestral performance put on by Julliard at Lincoln Center and it was great. It reminded me so much of going to my brother Gary’s recitals when I was a kid, just loved it.

Had dinner at Portale. The pasta was insane. This place might be a rival for L’Artusi! Dare I say it! Every bite was phenomenal. MUST return. (Noteworthy: it also just got two stars in the Times.)

LOVED this piece about Ricky Gervais and the Golden Globes. Favourite line: “The least risky thing in the world is announced apathy.“

Maybe you don’t know this, but 90% of post offices in the U.S. have bulletproof glass between the workers and the customers. It’s obviously because awful things have happened, but I’ve been going to this one post office in the city on 23rd street that doesn’t have the glass and the workers are SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT. I wish all locations were like this one. Just a thought.

Just bought another one of these UNIQLO shirts that I love in dark grey.

Every January I make sure to:

Mark down all holidays/birthdays/anniversaries (Valentine’s Day, Daylight Saving Times, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving)

Check expiration dates for passport/license/health card/insurance and write down any important renewal dates

I’ve watched the first two new episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and it fucking blows. There was only one thing I laughed at (when a server thought Larry was “oggling” her but he was really just keeping an eye on her tray with pigs in blankets) but OTHER THAN THAT, what a piece of shit season so far! I fucking hated the part in one episode where he videotapes the consent given between him and some woman as they’re making out. ALSO, and this has happened a few times over the seasons, he’s recycling fucking Seinfeld jokes. FROM THE SHOW. Talking about when it’s too late to get “Happy New Year-ed”? Are we kidding here?! Fucking lazy as hell. I might just stop watching.

I watched the new Taylor Swift documentary on Netflix and it’s really good. Even if you have zero opinion on her, I really liked it. (It also introduced me to this great song.)

Things that I’m looking forward to this month: seeing a Raptors game at Barclays Center, finally sitting down and watching season two of Shrill in its entirety, reading Joan Rivers’ book Enter Talking and and maybe going to another Restaurant Week lunch before the end date. February, please oh please don’t be as terrible as January.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in December over here!

[dracox-serdriel]

Different Worlds, Chapter 2: A Shared Star - Supergirl Fic

Different Worlds (Supergirl)

Title: Different Worlds, Part 2: A Shared Star Author: Dracox Serdriel Word count: 3,800 Universe: Supergirl Pairing: Kara Danvers/Mon-El (Karamel) Rating: NC-17/Explicit Spoilers: All episodes of Supergirl through 02x13 “Mr. & Mrs. Mxyzptlk,” and tiny hints of 02x14 “Homecoming.”

Summary: Set at the end of 02x13 "Mr. & Mrs. Mxyzptlk," Kara admits her feelings to Mon-El, and... things happen. A first time in two parts.

Read Different Worlds on AO3 or Part 1: Not with Me on Tumblr.

Different Worlds Part 2: A Shared Star

Take off your clothes.

Kara's words ricocheted inside Mon-El's head as his heart skipped several beats. He didn't need further invitation, yet he felt conflicted. Disrobing swiftly had its benefits, but it required him to divert his attentions from the spectacular woman before him, even if only for a few moments, that seemed wrong.

Surely he could do better than that.

So he kissed her softly, tasting the corners of her smile. Before their lips came together in unbridled passion, but now it was a slower, sweeter tempo with precise, measured movements. It was simultaneously new and familiar, and somehow, the lack of touch heightened the thrall rather than diminishing it.

His hands were otherwise engaged with unbuttoning his shirt - a task which had never taken so long, as far as he could remember - as he toed off his shoes and socks. She, too, grappled with her own garments as she led him to her bed, stepping back by inches. The pair left a trail of clothing in their wake.

The transition from the hot and heavy passion on the couch to this gentler, more tender affection coiled Kara's desire tighter and tighter. So much so that once she removed her bra, she had to feel his skin under her fingertips, just so she would know this was real.

Her hands went to his biceps before sliding up his arms to his shoulders. She gasped into the kiss, marveling at his heat and rock-hard form. Her touch was light as a feather, and when she tried to dig her fingertips into his upper back, her body reflexively released, so well-practiced was her aversion to engaging her full power around those she cared for.

I won't break. Promise.

Those words drove her toward him like a freight train. There was an audible crash. when their bodies met because she literally flew to him. His arms came up under her lower back as he stood his ground and absorbed the impact. She fretted her abrupt outbursts, her own lack of discipline, but then one of his hands snaked up to the back of her head and tilted her head up with a gentle but firm tug.

Kara gasped at his intensity, and Mon-El pressed his advantage, thrusting his tongue into her parted lips as he drew her close to his chest. His masterful tongue dominated her mouth in an intensely erotic dance, but it was his unflinching dedication to their kiss that inspired her moan. This time, she grabbed hold of him with all her strength, and he joined her in vocalizing the thrill and pleasure that resulted.

A rush of euphoria hit her, and suddenly, the fortress she built around her body crumbled. His ragged breathing and pounding heart filled her ears, and she was overwhelmed by the sensation of his skin on hers. At first, it felt wrong to let her guard down so her power could surge, but once she did, she couldn't help but revel in it.

Mon-El lost his head the moment her bare chest came into contact with his, and at the sound of her moan, every nerve in his body caught fire. He fought the impulse to race ahead full-throttle, to throw her on the bed and plunge into her over and over again. He needed to be patient.

It was said that Daxam was a planet of hedonists, and truth be told, Daxamite youths indulged in sexual explorations that would be scandalous even by the standards of Earth's Hollywood. No doubt Kryptonians had their own theories as to the lascivious nature of their Daxamite counterparts, but theirs was a culture that valued beauty, creativity, and pleasure, all of which naturally converged at sex. And though he had not, as the rumors claimed, seduced a thousand women - indeed, his sexual partners could be counted on one hand - Mon-El had considerable sexual experience, and he would use every drop of that wisdom to pleasure Kara until every ounce of his vitality was spent. He didn't know if she'd want to be with him tomorrow, but by Rao, he would marshal every emotion he had for her and etch his heart into her skin so that she'd never be able to touch another lover without recalling this night - their night - together.

Mon-El relinquished the deep, plundering kiss, and as they both gasped for air, he dipped down and lifted her off her feet. Her thighs wrapped around his back for balance, sending a shiver up his spine as her center met his core. Her eyes bored into his as he eased her onto the bed.

She was a sight to behold with taut nipples atop her pert, perfect breasts and her pupils blown wide with desire.

Kara didn't mind the pause, as it provided the opportunity to look her fill. He was well-muscled with a sparse yet dark happy trail that disappeared into the hem of his boxers. Her fingers traced the hard lines of his chest, exploring the area for sensitive spots.

She brought his lips to hers again, and he cupped her breasts, his thumbs stroking her nipples and doubling the wetness between her legs. He trailed kisses down her neck to her chest, where he playfully nibbled at her skin before swiping his tongue across her hardened peaks, setting her already over-sensitized skin aflame. When he sucked a nipple into his mouth, she groaned in appreciation.

Her blood reached an unbearable temperature, as exhibited by the beads of sweat on her skin, a phenomenon she rarely experienced, given her high tolerance to external temperatures. But Mon-El stoked the fire within and brought her to a boil, and in so doing, crafted a roaring void that demanded to be filled.

Kara's hands went to his hair, caressing his face and urging him to continue, and he she felt him smile against her skin. Then he slid both hands up her calves to her thighs, and she found her hips bucking forward of their own accord, though the weight of his body held her in place. He continued his ministrations on her breasts with his mouth as his hands traced light circles up her inner thighs, his slate gray eyes staring up at her as he did so, reducing her to a quivering mess of need and want.

When she could take it no longer, she yanked his head back, and his lips made an oddly alluring, wet sound as they popped off her flesh. She dove headlong into another kiss, nipping at his bottom lip so she could dart her tongue across his teeth.

Mon-El adjusted, rising to meet her ferocious assault on his mouth, relishing her eagerness. He traced the path from her inner thigh to hip bone, dragging a whining protest from her throat for avoiding the place she wanted to be touched the most. So he lightly stroked her through her soaked panties.

She broke the kiss as her head fell back with a groan, and she bucked hard against his hand, seeking additional friction because his touch was right where she needed it but not nearly enough. She put one arm behind herself to brace against the bed so she could lean back and spread her legs for him. She was rewarded with two of his fingers pushing her panties aside to circle her needy core, gathering her juices before going straight to her nib of pleasure with light, undulating taps that made her see crackling sparks behind her eyelids.

Kara's body took on a mind of its own, pure instinct jutting her forward with super-speed and super-strength. Had her partner been human, the force of it would've thrown him into the wall across the room, but Mon-El met her power with equal measure, without even flinching, resisting her strength enough to hold her steady as he began to experiment with the rhythm.

She bit down on her lip to prevent herself from screaming, because once she started, she wouldn't be able to stop. He kept his eyes fixed on her, studying her expression to gage her enjoyment, and his singular focus was intensely erotic. Despite her inability to form a coherent thought, she wanted him to experience what she was feeling, to watch bliss wash over him for the things she did to him.

She had every intention of changing the tides, but before she could act, he brought her flush against him as he devoured her with another kiss. As his tongue pressed into her mouth, he slipped a single finger into her quivering center, stimulating her clit with his thumb as his dexterous finger swirled and undulated inside of her. Every thought flew out of her head when a second finger joined the first, adding the tiniest bit of stretching burn to the friction. When she felt his barely-covered erection above her hip, she wanted yet more inside her.

Mon-El moved his head to the crook of her shoulder, where he began a meticulous exploration of any erogenous points, starting with the pulse point he had discovered earlier. Truth be told, her velvety heat overwhelmed him. She was so enticingly wet that it made him salivate, and the force of her fluttering walls would've broken his bones were it not for his near-impervious skin.

She canted her hips as he found the perfect combination of stimulation inside and out. Her grip was bruising, but when he looked up and saw the ecstasy on her face paired with the deep red flush of effort, he didn't care. Her nails dug in, threatening to break his (supposedly) impenetrable skin, and the idea of her marking him during their intimacies suddenly became a necessity. She might be the only person on this planet that could scratch him, and to have her nails leave an impression across his back would be as if she claimed him. Once that thought solidified in his mind, he became desperate for it to happen, needing it as much as his own release.

"Mon-El," she moaned. "Please."

He nearly came at the sound of his name so sinfully confessed from her lips. He had to bite his tongue as she began to chant his name between rolling gasps.

He traced his tongue between the remarkably wondrous mountains that were her breasts before her achingly hard nipple into his mouth. He increased the tempo of his thumb and slowed his undulating fingers, and hearing her moans deepen, pressed her to the edge, her walls threatening to dislocate his fingers with their trembling. Soon he would have the joy of watching her come.

Kara forgot what it was like to live in the world, to exist outside this room, to experience anything other than Mon-El's hot mouth over her breast and his fingers inside of her. Her body tensed as she neared that edge, but every time she tried to make it happen, it moved further out of her reach.

It wasn't until her eyes met Mon-El's as he was tending to her needy breasts that she realized that he would stop at nothing to make her orgasm. All she had to do was let him get her there, so she coaxed her muscles into relaxing, transforming herself into putty in his incredibly capable hands.

It was like a balloon building inside her, becoming so large it would explode, and when it did, stars erupted behind her eyes as the muscles of her body flexed and clenched of their own accord. Her mind went blank but for the uncurbed pleasure shooting through her from head to her curling toes. She could only imagine the inhuman sounds coming out of her mouth as she came. Mon-El held her steady with one hand as the other continued to plunge into her, working her through and extending her climax.

Mon-El watched her with awe as she climaxed for him, and it took all his power to hold her steady as her strength hemorrhaged out of her. Her moan pitched up before falling away, and she looked like a goddess, her golden hair cascading around her, framing her rosy-pale skin as she quivered in his arms.

Kara fell slack against him as she began to come back down, and he lowered her to the bed. At some point, he must've lifted her to lay her out, but everything was a bit of a blur to her. When she was aware of the world around her again, he was straddling her, one hand tracing circles into her thigh as the other - the one that had been inside her - pumped his cock up and down, his eyes devouring her.

Despite her recent release, the sight of him coating his hard-on with her juices had her body rebounding at an alarming rate. The ache between her legs roared again and louder than before. She was absolutely certain that nothing short of his entire length buried to the hilt would satisfy her.

He was absolutely wrecked, kneeling above her with swollen lips, flushed ski, and nothing but hunger on his face. When her eyes met his, his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, practically begging. She liked him like this, his mask discarded and clinging to the barest strand of his will, all because of her.

She went up on one elbow and looped her fingers through the waist band of his boxers. She tugged playfully at the elastic, snapping it against his skin.

"Off," she grunted.

She had planned to say an entire sentence, but her voice wasn't cooperating. As it transpired, her monosyllabic command conveyed her message perfectly. He stood up on the bed so he could work his boxers off, giving her the space to tear off her own underwear, which she couldn't believe she was still wearing. When both garments were discarded, their attentions returned to one another.

"Kara, are you sure?" he asked as he kneeled over her.

She smiled at him as she wrapped her legs around his hips, bringing her dripping center over his cock. He collected her legs and bent over her, so he was on his elbows and knees above her. His cock teased against her entrance, but his eyes kept searching her face, as if he yet awaited an answer. And perhaps he was.

"Yes," she replied breathlessly.

He drew back and aligned their bodies before slowly entering her by millimeters. His eyes slammed shut as he pushed forward, each inch giving her an exquisite stretch that made her desperate for more. She rolled her hips forward, seeking friction, and he increased his speed to oblige her. She saw the large vein in his forehead - along with every blood vessel in his neck - bulge with effort as he sank into her, as if he needed every muscle at his disposal to aid him as he drove himself inside her with one final, fluid motion. The fullness made her groan in appreciation, which escalated to a deep moan as his pubis bone rubbed against her clit.

Mon-El felt like he might burst as soon as the head of his cock submerged into her tight, wet folds. It took everything he had not to let her vice-like envelopment end him too soon, and her impatience served only to pushed him closer. He rebuked himself for his lack of stamina.

He bit back his moan until his cock was fully seated inside her, and he had to stop to maintain some semblance of self-control. One of his hands reached out for hers, tangling up in it, and it struck him how secure he felt, despite the newness of their intimacy. He waited for her to adjust to him, watching her for any sign of discomfort.

Kara rolled her hips into his, creating a pull that sent lighting up his spine. She gave him a wicked grin before doing it again, encouraging him to start in earnest.

He took a steadying breath and gave a short, easy thrust. She was absolute perfection, and he knew it was only a matter of time before he lost his wits entirely. Still, his next thrust was just as measured but slightly deeper. He iterated through the variations of fast and slow, hard and smooth, short and deep, in and out, divining her preferences by little more than the look in her eyes and the sounds escaping her lips.

Kara loved the sensation of him filling her again and again. It cranked up the gnawing need in her belly, the one that set her entire body on fire. Every plunge of his cock gave her another promise of satisfaction, but it wasn't enough. It touched the need but didn't satiate it; no, it only stoked the fire.

Her free hand came up under his ass and squeezed with considerable strength, pulling him in deeper. He accepted her message and began to pound into her, harder and harder, but the slow withdraw of his cock made her whine for more and more and more. So she locked her ankles behind his back and met him at the next thrust. And the next.

"Mon-El," she groaned. Then in the sexist voice to ever meet his ear, she added, "I won't break either."

He stilled for a moment to consider the implications. It was clear what she wanted, but he worried that he wouldn't last long enough to satisfy her. Her brilliant comets, blown-wide with desire, fixed on his face as she delicately wetted her bottom lip with her tongue, and he knew he couldn't deny her anything. It simply wasn't in his power.

So he withdrew almost his entire length, leaving only the tip of his cock before hammering back inside swiftly. He built up speed until his pistoning hips pounded into her hot, wet core. It was the purest bliss he'd ever known, and his ecstasy was underscored by his name constantly on her lips, a cascade of chants simultaneously profane and divine.

Both her hands went to his shoulders, her grip bruising and tightening by the second. The euphoria induced before by the thought of her marking him slammed into him, twice as hard as before. It was enough to bring him to the edge, but it was too soon, far too soon. He bit his tongue to the point of drawing blood, for the pain slowed the heat at the base of his spine.

Then she rolled her hips into his with tremendous force, dragging a sinful rendition of her name from deep in his chest.

"Kara," he groaned, over and over again.

"I won't break," she repeated, her voice demanding and harsh. "I won't break."

Her new mantra spurred him into a punishing pace. The loud slapping of their bodies filled the room, and the bed shook precariously under the force of their lovemaking. Their names filled the room as they incoherently called for one another, and he felt her legs tremble against him with the effort of chasing her release.

He grinded down hard against her clit at the end of every thrust, eliciting a high-pitched keening of approval as he fucked her into the mattress. Her eyes rolled back into her head as she approached her second climax, and he dove down to seal her lips a long, needed kiss. It only took two more thrusts before her walls clamped down over rhythmically over his cock.

The familiar, hot-blooded thrill exploded at the base of his spine, oozing like magma down to the base of his balls, ready to erupt as his climax consumed him. Her fingers dug into his back, and pin pricks of pain ricocheted between his shoulders as she broke his skin, propelling him into the oblivion of ecstasy as he called her name with a throaty reverence that had never before passed his lips.

Though he was unaware at the time, he tucked his head into her shoulder and nuzzled against her neck as he rode out the high, his hips snapping erratically, drawing out his and her climax. Neither could tell how long they remained so entwined - a minute, an hour, an age - blissfully unaware of anything but one another. When his senses returned, she was tracing a finger over his forehead with one hand and holding him tight to her with the other.

Mon-El took one look at her face, and it told him everything. It told him that she was worn out and tired in a way she hadn't been before. It told him that she was happy that he was with her. It told him that this - whatever 'this' was - would still be here tomorrow. He could only hope that she saw the same things in him, that she had some inkling of his true feelings, because for the life of him, he couldn't seem to get his breath back enough to speak.

Of course, Kara already knew how he felt about her. When he told her that he'd never felt this way about anyone before, that seared itself into her heart. She didn't need to see it in his eyes, and she certainly wasn't thinking about tomorrow. In fact, all she could think about was how incredible he looked after he came, how handsome he was even when he was a hot mess of sweat and far sweeter juices. As boneless and tired as she felt, her body wanted more.

She had to stop thinking about having sex with him again; otherwise, she'd be hit by a second wind. And if that happened, neither of them would get a wink of sleep tonight. It took a surprising amount of willpower to achieve such a simple goal, and she had to close her eyes to prevent herself from looking at him and imagining what else they could do together.

"Are you okay?" Mon-El asked, the concern evident in his voice.

Kara worried that she had given him the wrong impression when she wrestled her wanton want into submission. If he thought that she hadn't enjoyed herself, if he thought that it wasn't the best sex she could remember having, then she needed to correct him. She opened her eyes immediately and confirmed her suspicion. His expression was equal parts concern and hesitance.  

"Better than okay," she said, flashing him a smile. Unfortunately, her brain didn't seem to be working very well. She couldn't think of the right word. "I am very, very, very okay."

His lips pulled back into a smile that cast all doubt away, and her heart began pounding hard at the sight of it.

So much for sleeping tonight.

Author’s notes: Originally, I planned this to be two parts. Actually, originally I planned this to be a single story with no chapters, but I split it into two parts as it got longer. But it has been a sneaky ninja, and there might be a third part creeping up on me, too. Only time will tell.

I hope you enjoyed Different Worlds!

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season six, episode three: what did kathy najimy do to deserve this?!

Y’all, we are going into this blog’s second year of existence and I just now realized that I can fast forward through the recap of last week and the opening credits.

What is wrong with me?

Stassi and Brittany are rolling up to Tomoko for a hungover spa day. It shocks me that Stassi is comfortable around Brittany. Like, Stassi would never take Laura-Leigh to a spa. Stassi would first drown Laura-Leigh in one of the relaxing pools. It’s Brittany and Jax’s two year anniversary, so she really wants to make sure she’s all sucked and tucked for that night’s shenanigans.

Just kidding, Jax is a cheating dirtbag so Brittany’s bringing Stassi on the anniversary spa day instead. Stassi wants to do nothing more than to tell Brittany to dump Jax’s ass but she can’t because she knows how manipulative and eager Jax is1. Stassi guesses immediately that Brittany slept with Jax the night before and is so disappointed. As mad as I was at Brittany last week for doing this, I mean, I get it. When someone you love is upset and crying you want to make them feel better - and when it’s your significant other, even though you’re angry at them, you still love them, so BLAMMO sex. And it’s even worse because you’ve rewarded them for their bad behavior now. But you love them. But they’re terrible.

Sandoval, Jax, and DJ James Kennedy, Medicine Woman, are all at a bar - a brewery, perhaps - and they ask the bartender for “something summery”. The bartender’s like, “dry cider?” and this might be the worst bartender I’ve ever seen… on a show about the worst bartenders I’ve ever seen. Bartenderception? To paraphrase the legendary Miranda Priestly, “Ciders? For summer? ... Groundbreaking.” Jax is lamenting the loss of his relationship with Brittany and you know what I need when I get dumped? DRY HARD CIDER2. Jax admits that he and Brittany are still banging and Brittany is turned on by him being a dirtball. James and Tom are like, “lucky dog! Makeup sex!

Sandoval admits that he and Ariana haven’t slept together in two months - NOT EVEN AT COACHELLA3. James has a Come to Jesus Moment where he realized that Sandoval and Jax are much older than him and guess what - at some point, the fuckin’ stops and then you gotta come up with something else that might make these people want to stay around you. James can only hope that his life doesn’t turn out this awful.

It will, James. It definitely will.

There’s a great scene of Tom Sandoval complaining about not being able to hit on Ariana without feeling like a creep and Ariana being so wonderfully self-centered where Tom’s complimenting her and she says… nothing while continuing on in her process of getting dressed. I hope Tom Sandoval’s entire storyline this season is him not being able to get laid but his Audible account filling up on audiobooks on how to revive your dead relationship.

Over at PUMP, Lisa Vanderpump has finally recovered the chairs! I say finally because I’m assuming this was a long time coming, even though I literally forget about PUMP until it’s on my screen. Tom Schwartz has arrived with a dinky bouquet and one balloon and he’s there to apologize for Tom Sandoval. He’s apologizing on behalf of him and Sandoval and Lisa’s like, “uhhhhh. Why isn’t this coming from Sandoval?” She’s right. Sandoval technically apologized last week and Schwartz is trying to be “charming”. Lisa is having exactly zero percent of any of this because the way Sandoval behaved was unacceptable. Lisa is super pissed that Tom Sandoval thinks that Lisa is just using them - I mean, she is - but this is not an equal partnership. The Toms have minority ownership in TomTom, so they have minority opinions4, and what Lisa Vanderpump says, goes. They’ve worked for her before5 and they know how she operates. Schwartz just wants Lisa to know that they’re invested and that investment might seem overbearing but it’s just because they’re excited.

We’re back at Sexy Unique Restaurant where Billie Lee, our new hostess, is pretending to answer the phone. She’s given a chyron and everything. Will Billie Lee be a thing this season? Stassi is going to Sexy Unique Restaurant to try to convince Lisa she’s a party planner. Lisa’s basically already done the aesthetics - flowers, table arrangements, all that - and now Stassi’s gotta do the “delegate and make sure things run smoothly” part of event planning. You know, the actual execution of the event. You don’t become an event planner without doing some event coordination. Stassi wants to be a boss like Lisa and throw awesome parties - I don’t think Stassi knows what a boss actually does. It’s definitely not telling the servers what to do, because they’re already paranoid enough about it - Scheana is certainly concerned Stassi’s going to be telling her what to do. Scheana makes a good point - how is someone who’s never planned an event in her life going to delegate the coordination of one? But Stassi remains The Worst and just likes that she had to return to her old place of work in order to find someone to hire her in a job she’s not qualified for, and Scheana is just a server. If that’s the hill you want to die on and how you feel superior, Stassi, you do you.

Over at (ugh) Katie and Tom’s, Baloney is covered in dogs too cute for her and is telling Tom about how they’re throwing a Fuck Jax/Men Are Trash party at Stassi’s. Normally I’m so pro-a party where I convince my friends to dump their trash boyfriends6, but Katie could be crowned Queen of Internalized Misogyny so anything where she’s “supporting women” just reeks of White Feminism for me. She’s hoping a night with their friends will remind Brittany that she has a support system and if she wants to dump Jax she should put Jax back in the coffin where she found him. Sandoval arrives and the dogs that were on Katie get smart and run into his arms. Tom Sandoval has one hundred ideas of their bar - a machine that can freeze alcohol? - that are all great ideas but not what Lisa and Ken are looking for. Sandoval’s eagerness might fuck up TomTom for everyone. And by everyone, I mean Tom and Tom. Lisa and Ken can find two other hot dummies to be the face of their restaurant.

Oh god, Ariana’s on a horse. My emotionally-abusive former best friend was a Horse Girl so I have Feelings about Horse Girls, in that mostly they love horses because it’s the only thing their rich parents have ever given them that felt like love. I do not like horses. No thank you. Ariana’s feeding a horse when Brittany swings by. Ariana fell out of riding horses for a bit, but she’s back full-time. She finds it therapeutic. She’s practicing on a new horse for a show this weekend and she’s ready. I wish I knew more about horse-riding to comment on Ariana’s form, but I don’t, so I’ll just comment on Ariana falling off the horse. Isn’t that how Christopher Reeve wound up in a wheelchair?! WHY DOES ANYONE DO THIS?????

DJ James Kennedy, MSW, and Raquel, a Westworld Escapee, all come over to Vanderpump Dogs because puppies. Lisa calls Raquel ‘Bambi on Steroids” and I cackle. Raquel finds work with dogs therapeutic, which is better than James or I who self-medicate with marijuana to treat our extreme social anxiety. James is pumped for James Kennedy Turn Up Tuesday, and Lisa cares to remind us that he is not a hired employee on her payroll, she’s just doing him a favor. James thinks his drinking is “under control” and we’re greeted with a lovely montage of shots, champagne, and generalized debauchery.

Sandoval arrives at Ariana’s horse competition wearing a shirt that says “#1 Mom in the Barn” and my heart is swooning. I love a man in an ironic t-shirt7 and a Cuban tourist hat. Meanwhile, Ariana’s nervous because she doesn’t trust her horse not to buck her off, which is like trusting your abusive boyfriend not to disrespect you in front of your family. You’re right to be nervous. Tom talks to Ariana’s brother about how they're not having sex anymore, which is definitely a conversation a brother wants to have with his sister’s boyfriend. Jax cheating on Brittany lit a weird fuse in their relationship where Ariana’s like, “I’m done with you if you cheat on me” and Tom is like “well if we haven’t had sex in a year, do you blame me?”

Shut the fuck up, Sandoval.

There can be a plethora of reasons a woman doesn’t want to have sex, and no matter the length of time, it does not make you cheating acceptable. That makes me think that if Ariana had a high-risk pregnancy, Tom would cheat on her. That mindset is terrifying to me, oh my god. Ariana rides and gets a blue ribbon! Meanwhile, Tom is simply turned on by the idea of Ariana riding ANYTHING. I love him sometimes but… leave a gal alone. She’ll come to you (wordplay) when she’s ready.

Over at Jax and Brittany’s, Jax is sitting on a couch that they clearly had to squeeze into that room. That couch is far too large for that room. Brittany’s all glowed up and ready to have a misandrist pajama party8 with Stassi and the gals in Brittany’s honor. They’re going to be doing Brittany’s favorite things, which of course, is… talking shit about Jax. I mean, Jax was on the speed dials of Hitler, Pol Pot, AND Mussolini because he’s 867 years old - Jax has dealt with his fair (and deserved) share of shit-talking. Of course he wants to keep this whole Faith dilemma between him and Brittany - the fewer voices, the easier to manipulate.

He’s mad because he feels like they’re putting their noses where it doesn’t belong, but again… hasn’t Jax ruined all of their relationships at some point by simply meddling and sticking his nose (among other body parts) where it doesn’t belong?! He’s just trying to work through he and Brittany’s issues, and Stassi and the gang aren’t making things easier by having a We Hate Jax party. They both admit that if they really wanted it to be over, it would be over by now, but it isn’t, so why salt the wound? Jax doesn’t think he’s manipulative towards Brittany9 because he has no reason to be - he can get another girlfriend in a minute.

BRITTANY HE HATES YOU SO MUCH

BRITTANY BREAK UP WITH HIM

I have no idea what my ideal ending for Brittany is. On one hand, I applaud and appreciate her deeply for knowing how to play the long game and turning an Instagram comment into her own spin-off on a major television network, but on the other hand, she had to do it with Jax “If you look up Sociopath in the DSM I’m Patient Zero” Taylor. Hustle, get that money girl, but I always want someone to do that with integrity. And right now, Brittany’s still in that precarious spot where if she loses him, she runs the risk of interest in her dropping. But if she marries him or (god forbid) has a child with him,10 it’s some good old-fashioned revenge. I don’t know. I want her to be happy and end up well and I want him to be unhappy and to end up in a well. I just don’t know how that’ll ever work out.

Brittany asks Jax if she’s going to find out anything new, and he says no. Why do I feel like this is a lie? A lieeeee a lie a lie. Lalalie.mp3 and all.

Over at Stassi’s, she and Kristen are setting up for the Jax Taylor Memorial Ceremony/Pizza Party. Stassi got Brittany’s grandma’s beer cheese recipe. My stomach turned. I honestly wonder how much of my hatred for cheese is rooted in how grossed out I am by nacho cheese/any kind of cheese-based dip. That shit looks like someone pureed baby vomit and baby poop. Please have a plethora of dip varieties at your parties if I’m there. I will be judging you.

Katie comes over with a pinata filled with mini tequila bottles. Do they realize you smash pinatas and thus it’s probably not the best idea to fill them with little glass bottles? No, because these people star on a reality show about working in a restaurant in your 30s. There’s a literal “shotgun” that Katie fails to convince Kristen to try. And then we get the least surprising fact ever: Kristen doesn’t give good head. In the list of True Things, this is one of them. And she probably doesn’t want to be good, either. In Kristen’s mind, you’re lucky that you got to see her naked, put it in, and leave, please11. Kristen finally agrees to try the shotgun, and of course, it blasts her in the face in a very pornographic way, and we get a glimpse of the life Kristen probably would have had if she had taken a left turn somewhere in like, 2006.

DJ James Kennedy, MBE, Tom Sandoval, and Peter all go to a restaurant called Lobster & Beer because honestly what else does anyone need in their lives? If I lived in LA I would find an apartment within walking distance of this place and feel zero shame. They run into Michael12 who used to be a manager at Pump and now owns that very restaurant! That’s so convenient for Sandoval, who’s also opening a bar with Ken and Lisa and Tom Schwartz if you hadn’t forgotten!!!! God, I’m already tired of this bar and it’s barely real. Anyway, Jax and Schwartz show up and they’re immediately greeted with shots from Hot Guy Michael because it’s the restaurant’s one year anniversary, and they need to bring up TomTom again in some form. The guys are talking about the A Plague O' Both Your Houses Soiree taking place at Stassi’s house, and Schwartz commends the girls for putting their feelings for each other aside to unite against a common enemy: Jax Taylor.

Brittany, Scheana, and Ariana arrive at Stassi’s house and Stassi’s mad that she has to be the bigger person and have Scheana and Ariana over. The guys talk about how this group of girls is terrifying banding together as a unit - Kristen’s a tech genius, Stassi knows how Jax works, Katie’s the bad cop. If only these women would use these traits for good and maybe we could, like, I don’t know, figure out who killed Natalie Wood13. Anyway, James is taking over SUR on Tuesday, June Sith (James’s pronunciation) and he’s excited to “get his job back”.

Back at Stassi’s Jax Taylor Is a Jerk Symposium, they’re doing witchcraft, because of course! Ariana’s been filling Stassi’s couch with her farts and I love her for that. This isn’t a spell to hurt Jax, but to give him karmic redemption for his actions and behavior. I have zero comments on this, which is weird. I ‘m just mostly mad that Stassi said they’re a prettier version of the Sanderson Sisters and i am offended on Kathy Najimy’s behalf. Black magic isn’t Christian Brittany’s thing, but she expects Jesus to forgive her.

I like Brittany’s Christianity.

The girls all feel like the air has cooled, and literally kiss and make up. I only just now realize at this moment Scheana is even there.

Over at Sexy Unique Restaurant, Lisa’s talking with Wesley, who has the strangest American accent I’ve ever heard, basically to set the scene: she’s got a meeting and needs a glass of rose to get through it. And then.

LALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My girl Lala is back, Y'all.

Yes, Lala. Yes.

Lisa was surprised but hoped to hear from Lala, but didn’t expect Lala to ask for her job back. Lala has a man that provides for her, yes, but she still has obligations. Lisa’s hesitant because Lala runs and disappears when things get hard and shut down. Lala admits to not being honest because she was protecting her relationship, but she’s aware and is apologetic. She’s changed. Lala’s allowed to be a hostess at Sexy Unique Restaurant again and thus allowed back on the show.

With Tom&Tom&TheBoyz, they’ve gotten Jax a few presents to keep him in line in the future - a chastity cock ring, amongst other things. Brittany’s still conflicted and feels like she’s going to be judged for what choices she’s making in this whole scenario. And that’s when Ariana drops the bomb that Jax and Faith definitely hooked up more than once, contrary to what Jax told Brittany. They all know what Jax’s logic is- what’s the difference between one time and ten times? Brittany calls Jax on speakerphone and asks him how many times it happened with Faith, and he immediately says “only once”. She tells him she’s with Faith and he flips out because… you know, what a trap - and then she’s like “No, she’s not here, come on.”

Jax literally says “What’s the difference, one, two, three, four, five, ten times?”  and all of the girls are like LOLOL YUUUUUUUP. Meanwhile, Jax is walking down the street screaming that he didn’t do it and he’s not lying. Brittany says this proves he hasn’t changed, and they’re done. Jax goes back to the dudes and continues to deny what happened. Sandoval says that if it did, Jax needs to be honest. Ariana calls Sandoval and tells him that Jax isn’t allowed at his apartment that night. If Jax even tries to come in, Scheana is going to sic her talons into his eye sockets while Kristen…. Well, Kristen’s just gonna Kristen it all up.

Then there’s some hilarious generic Dawson’s Creek “sad” pop music while Jax and Brittany are broken hearted. Ahahahaha.

Next Time: Lisa Vanderpump is auditioning for Shark Tank but doing it by negotiating with the Toms, Stassi’s First Party, Lala had a friend who made out with Schwartz RECENTLY, and oh, Katie’s upset. Blah, blah.

See you in a bit for The Bachelor.

Random Thoughts From the Desk of Amanda:

At this point, Jax : Russian Government :: Sandoval & Schwartz : the GOP, right? The only reason those two dudes keep him in their life is because he’s got all their dirt and the minute they step out of line, he’s gonna spread it like wildfire.

Three episodes in and 0 Back Alley Arguments. God damn it.

STOP TRYING TO MAKE RAQUEL HAPPEN

I am obsessed with Tom Sandoval’s grey paisley/silver vest combination in his talking heads.

I want to have a pajama party.

I’m so happy Jax cheated again because Jax will never look better than he did in the first season of this show. Remember last week when I was wondering how he ever booked jobs as a model? All the flashback clips in this episode reminded me. ↩︎

Actually, my roommate basically said this to me the other day. No judgment, drink what you gotta to get through your emotional state. ↩︎

Good for you, Ariana. ↩︎

I know, it’s the first time ever a white guy’s opinion isn’t the most important one. ↩︎

I mean, Schwartz only worked for her for about three hours before having a panic attack behind the bar so I’m not quite sure what he’s bringing to the table other than looks. ↩︎

Holy shit, I want to open an event planning firm with my friend Maggie where we throw parties for girls who just dumped their boyfriends and have destruction rooms for bachelorette parties who just wanna smash shit. She and I will be billionaires. ↩︎

Said nobody ever. ↩︎

DIBS ON THIS AS BOTH A BAND NAME AND MY PARTY PLANNING LLC ↩︎

Oh my god I laughed so hard my glasses fell off and I couldn’t find them for five minutes ↩︎

I mean, Jax’s dick probably just lets out a puff of dry, salty air when he has orgasms at this point. ↩︎

I’ll take “I’m a hypocrite for 100, Alex”. ↩︎

Oh my god Michael, who are you and can I get your number PLEASE ↩︎

Three topics you don’t want to get me started on: Natalie Wood’s death, Nikki Cox, Pink’s performance of Glitter in the Air at the Grammys ↩︎