#which makes sense that the people that go out of their way to insult assault victims and minors and branding it as 'for the children/

[mx-paint]

terfs are so fucking weird they'll see a butch complaining about how she can't go into the restroom without getting pepper sprayed and be like "all because of them nasty transexuals 🤬🙄" my sister in Christ YOU are the reason she's getting assaulted

[wannaeatramyeon]

Meeting Student!Gun Park for the First Time: Part 2

Please read Part 1 first! G/N. 4.6k. Remember when Gun wanted to get his GED? Well. Stranger to~ Masterlists

As far as first impressions go, yours went terribly. Gun can count on no hands the amount of people that have spoken to him like you did and lived to tell the tale.

Make no mistake, the sum total of which is zero. Zero spoke to him like that and lived to tell the tale.

It's like you have no manners and absolutely no sense of self-preservation.

But, he figures, he's finally doing his GED after the whole murderous stint and juvie and light dabbling in gang wars. Maiming a fellow classmate on the first day would leave an even worse first impression with the rest of the class than yours with him, therefore he should really try to behave himself.

Besides, he would never hear the end of it from Goo if he dropped out, or worse got kicked out, so he picked his battles and took your insults as best he could. 

Somehow miraculously managed to hold back from reaching across the screen to give you a well deserved ass whooping when you asked him if he was on the verge of a mid-life crisis. He schooled his face and took a drag of his cigarette instead.

At least, if nothing else, you're entertaining.

You also reminded him that small talk was a thing when you asked what he liked to do for fun. He couldn't remember the last time anyone asked, if anyone even did, although you don't really make this sort of conversation in his line of work and it is hard for Gun to find time to make chit chat with someone as he's usually the one brutally assaulting them in a fight.

And he had such good intentions with enrolling in school again so why not tell you he likes gaming. 

That's a perfectly Normal hobby, right? 

Even as he says those words, they stick in his throat like he's confessing something shameful and it comes out strangled and strange.

He moves on to more familiar territory by reframing his bloodlust as training and martial arts, which also sounds very Normal to Gun's ears.

A few more things that he can barely remember are mentioned to present himself as a very Normal individual and he isn't embarrassed to admit to himself he's pleased with how this has gone.

After all, the majority of his working day is spent with Goo and Goo is, to put it politely, an unhinged dipshit, and their conversations usually also have that kind of vibe. Gun is aware enough to watch his tongue in this conversation with you, and the fact you haven't looked terrified or called the police can only work in his favour.

What piqued his curiosity most of all though, is your threat to kick his ass.

(On Tekken, but still.)

So much confidence in your own ability, so much faith in your skills.

(On Tekken, but still.)

Alas, that night he finds out it's misplaced and you have severely overestimated himself and/or underestimated him.

But still. 

He remains curious about you.

You show absolutely no fear, no ulterior motive, no nothing, in the way you speak to him and seem to have latched on to him rather than anyone else in the class, and Gun is... 

Charmed.

He finds you oddly endearing.

Then when he sees the back of your head as he makes his way into the classroom for the first time and decides to sit next to you, the way you blatantly check him out doesn't hurt either.

People ogling Gun isn't anything new, but what is new is how much he likes it from you.

He makes up his mind to keep his seat next to you. Even if your gaze does linger a moment too long on his hair and makes him wonder if he used enough gel on it when he styled it that morning.

And although you caught him doodling and insult his masterpieces repeatedly - you also balanced it out by helping him with Literature, which truth be told, he is extremely grateful for. He forgives your missteps and your teasing.

Over time, Gun finds that he likes your company. Traits that would be annoying as shit with other people he finds sweet with you, including your unrefined taste in coffee.

As a bonus, you also don't balk at the tidbits of his life he shares. In fact it should really be a little troubling how grey your morals are, how easily you take it in stride for someone that seems like a normal well-adjusted(ish) civilian.

All in all, this never happens. Ever.

Never has anyone held his attention like you do, and for him to test the waters like he has done.

Gun likes to think he has good judgement, takes very calculated risks. This, he decides, is worth pursuing. Exploring.

With not so much a leap of faith but maybe just a tiny hop, Gun opens up his home to you.

.

.

.

.

You think you're in love with Gun Park.

This realisation hits you at 5am, when you're lying in his bed and he has done the gentlemanly thing of taking the sofa. It hits you because only a few hours ago, he had pulled you into his lap, looked at you and held you so tenderly then didn't kiss you.

The fact that he hadn't kissed you, and you're in love with a very questionable person sends you into a mental crisis.

Fuck.

He's secretive enough, letting you in on various elements of his life and you manage to piece together that he can only be up to no good.

There's no shades of grey in his life, only copious amounts of crimson from bloodshed, and a twisted sense of morals and principles he lives by.

You know by now he hangs around far too much with someone called Goo, who sounds like the personification of a headache and annoys him to no end but also seems to be the only friend he has. Speaks too highly of a Charles that you know is shady despite never having met the guy. There's also an Eli that he mentions like he's the one that got away.

You can live with all of that and the questionable amount of hair product he uses.

What you are in fact struggling to get to grips with is:

This man lives in a junkyard. Like some kind of violent, sexy raccoon.

A voice in your head that sounds scarily like your mother, lectures you about prospects and picking a man with no future.

Well, for one - he's back in school.

See mom, you're wrong.

He also seems to do very well for himself despite literally living amongst trash (you handwave away his blood money and unscrupulous methods to earn said money) so that's another point for Gun.

And what sort of person, who lives between piles of scrap metal and discarded appliances, has such a luxurious bed.

You're sure the bedding thread count is in the thousands. Instead of researching the cure to cancer or how to travel faster than light, scientists have researched the comfiest mattress known to man and has created this that you're currently lying on.

So maybe this violent sexy raccoon is actually a prize.

Regardless.

You seem to have hitched yourself quite willingly to this wagon and now your biggest issue, that leaves you tossing and turning into the early hours of the morning, is still-

Why the fuck didn't he kiss you.

And how could he, after sharing such a sweet moment, push you off his lap and kick your ass on Tekken for 5 straight rounds.

What a bastard.

.

.

At some point you must have drifted off to sleep and you awake to the smell of deliciousness.

Something is being fried and you melt thinking your raccoon king is cooking breakfast for you. Who knew he was this sweet and thoughtful.

What is even better though, somewhat masked by the sizzling, is if you listen hard enough, you think Gun might even be humming. Even the perfect bed can't keep you from pressing your ear up against the bedroom door when you connect the dots that he is humming a popular K-Pop song that you have listened to on loop 50 times the week prior.

You yank open the door with force, "A-ha!" and point in his direction, gleeful at catching him doing something so un-Gun like.

Gun, in the middle of plating 2 omelettes, whips his head to you and stills, looking like a deer caught in headlights or a raccoon caught in headlights, rather.

You ask him, with a shit eating grin,  if he's a big fan of the K-Pop group but it drops at his lack of reaction when he just shrugs and responds simply with a yes.

Damnit.

Of course you know it's not really anything to be ashamed of but it's so unexpected from Gun, that would it kill him to blush a little or act a little abashed? You expected something at least a little entertaining from his initial surprise, but you suppose anyone would act like that if a deranged house guest accosted them first thing in the morning after they so kindly made breakfast too.

As a consolation, after the let-down, you double take when you realise Gun had been cooking topless and remains topless this entire time.

In all his muscled glory. Pecs and abs and everything. Delicious broad shoulders and an enticing light trail of hair from below his belly button and stretching down, down, down into his sweatpants.

You gulp, trying to calm yourself down. You know you are staring so so obviously but you can't find it in yourself to look away.

Gun clears his throat as if to say my eyes are up here, and hands you a plate.

.

.

While you still have self control and before you outstay your welcome, you say bye to Gun after breakfast mentioning you have some errands to run.

It's a poor excuse but you didn't taste a bite of that omelette, brain too fixated on the man seated opposite and wondering if what he's hiding in his trousers matches the energy he gives off.

He offers to take you home and you insist on walking by yourself. You reason to yourself the fresh air after such a heady night and all the over excitement from this morning would do you good.

You say your goodbyes at his door, him leaning against the doorway, still unbearably tantalisingly shirtless and enough to distract you from the junkyard setting, with his arms folded and a smirk on his face as you stand there-

Standing and waiting and expecting.

You're pretty sure Gun wants to kiss you. There's a challenge in his eyes and you know he is teasing you.

The fact that you stared at him before like a slack-jawed moron also indicates full well what you would like him to do.

A goodbye kiss isn't too much to ask for (not that you're going to ask) but he continues to also lean and wait and smirk shirtlessly and god, this is the most awful hair-pulling frustrating game of chicken you have played.

For a moment you consider yanking him down and kissing him, hard and desperate, and making your way back inside to the most comfortable bed that has ever existed. For an even briefer moment you consider biting his pec and leaving a ring of teeth marks.

In the end, you can only muster "bye then," and to your dismay, your voice comes out whiny.

There's no hiding your disappointment.

Gun’s smirk grows wider at your tone and he relents and gives a peace offering in the form of a kiss on your cheek.

He pulls you into his body, arm wrapped around your waist and he dips down, grazes his lips featherlight to your cheek.

It's chaste. Impossibly tender and surprisingly sweet.

Damn.

You forget how to breathe and you feel like you're on fire as he murmurs bye into your ear. Later, you'll chastise yourself for letting Gun affect you like this with something so innocent.

You untangle from him and feel your legs wobble when you step off the porch and make your way back home.

Gun chuckles but you don't hear it.

You don't form a coherent thought again until that evening, when Gun beats you on Tekken and in a fit of rage and frustration, you finally break your controller.

.

.

To make things fair, Gun’s dislike of Literature is offset by how knowledgeable he is with Biology.

The human body, to be precise, and alarmingly so. Maybe serial killer levels of knowledge, with how much he knows about organs and muscles and tissues and everything in between.

He explains that it's useful for training, as if that's any explanation at all for his extensive knowledge. However, you've seen his body and heard enough about his past and yes, including his actual training, to realise that it does make sense in a way and you let it go.

Well.

Maybe you would have fought it a bit harder if you yourself was any good with biology but you're not. If he's great at it because he's a serial killer, then fortune favours the bold and you might as well take advantage of it.

Gun is a very very good teacher, which you did not predict and in a way you didn't expect.

His jaw is tense and the grip on the textbook tightens after you get the answer wrong for the 15th time and when you think he's about to whack you with said textbook, he closes his eyes and counts to ten.

When he opens them again, he tries another method with you. Then another. And another.

Truly, you did not think he had this sort of tolerance or patience.

He explains things simply and calmly (though you've noticed he has started to grit out his words). Unfortunately you still find all this theory hard to wrap your head around.

"Are you going to hit me?" You ask.

"Yes," Gun says though he doesn't. He looks more like he's going to ram his head through a wall. Neither happens and he continues to work through the textbook with you.

Hours later, it clicks.

You feel something of a genius even if Gun’s hair resembles a bird nest from the amount of time he has ran his fingers through in exasperation.

.

.

After finding out that you broke your controller, Gun buys you a new one immediately.

He's very generous and kind, you think, and it may be the first time in existence anyone has considered Gun as kind. 

Until you realise he has other reasons for doing so.

That night, and for several nights after too, Gun is merciless when he KOs you. Each match is shorter than the previous.

You register this is payback for the biology stint. It's got to be.

.

.

Nevertheless, because you're the bigger person and you take the defeats on the chin, as thanks and in an almost mirror image of Gun repaying your Literature help, you suggest taking him out for a coffee.

Getting a coffee to-go and hand delivering it would be much easier, but you can't bring yourself to order an espresso for someone even if it is their drink of choice.

You take him to one of your favourite coffeehouses. Somewhere much less lavish than the one he frequents and much more agreeable to your meagre pockets although the coffee is just as good.

"Two espressos," Gun says at the counter.

"One," you cut in firmly, holding yourself back from gagging. If you have to pay for it, you won't be drinking that bitter sludge. You rattle off your usual: a monstrosity made with double-digit syrup pumps and whipped cream and Gun flinches in your periphery.

Despite your insistence, he beats you to the punch and pays for the order anyway. Not before adding a jab that your coffee, if you can even call it a coffee, is the worst thing he has ever had the misfortune to spend money on.

"Try it," you offer, when your drink is in your hand and Gun watches every sip with mounting horror.

"No," His mouth is pressed into a thin line and he looks like he has half a mind to knock the cup out of your hand. He refrains, clenches his knuckles and rests them on his knee.

He closes his eyes and counts to ten.

You watch him, heartily enjoying your sugary drink and sucking noisily on the straw. He twitches and starts counting from one again. You feel a surge of affection.

.

.

Without any other plans, both of you amble together through the quiet streets. You window-shop as Gun smokes next to you and attempts to buy everything that you set your eye on.

You tell him thanks but no thanks and continue to look at pretty trinkets and funky decor. In the glass reflection, you notice Gun fondly looking at you.

"Hi," you smile, turning towards him. He looks more handsome than ever in the sunlight. You don't even mind the amount of gel in his hair.

"Hey," he says, low and hushed. He steps towards you, leaving only a hairbreadth of air in between and tips your chin up to face him with his fingers.

You notice his pupils are blown wide, flickering down to your lips. Gun dips down at the same time you press up onto your tiptoes, and you feel his chest against yours, his other arm winding around your waist, breath fanning over your skin-

This is it, you think, finally.

This, sadly, is not it.

"GUN!" you hear a voice screeching. You both tear your attention from each other to the shrill noise.

A blonde guy in the loudest suit you have ever cast your eyes upon is waving manically in your direction.

"Do you know him?" you ask and Gun's lips are thinner than you have ever seen.

"No."

"GUN!"  The blonde yells again and you raise an eyebrow at your companion.

His face looks pained as he tells you that is Goo Kim and when you ask if you both should go over and say hi, he snaps back absolutely not with a frown.

"Let's go," he says, lacing his fingers with yours and pulling you in the opposite direction. Behind you, you hear cackling and Gun hastens his footsteps as if being chased by a deranged spirit.

You don't see the blonde again for the rest of the day although Gun’s phone seems to be going off every other minute. 

The moment you had is never quite recaptured. You can't bring yourself to mind too much though, as Gun never lets go of your hand.

And everytime he catches you smiling at your hand in his, he gives you a light squeeze and returns the smile.

.

.

If you thought school would be all cutesy and you would take turns in helping each other with topics you're stuck on, you're wrong.

Turns out, both you and Gun are equally bad at math.

You watch, face blank, at your screen as the teacher explains algebra. At least, you think that’s what the jumble of numbers and letters are because your ears refuse to make sense of the words.

You search the monitor for Gun to see how well he is faring and find him staring dead-eyed.

Not very, then.

In class, you see Gun's textbook with some attempt at notes in the margin before devolving into his lewd stick men doodles that he still insists are fighting stances.

"You shouldn't cover your page in smut. No wonder you're bad at this." You tease.

He doesn't look at you, doesn't rise to the bait. Simply rebukes, "Your book is blank and you're still shit."

"Asshole," you hiss and his dead eyed stare is replaced with a smirk.

.

.

As it happens, Gun can be very convincing when he wants to be.

A fellow student trails behind Gun in the library, and offers to help you and him out with your lack of mathematical comprehension.

You ignore that the student seems absolutely terrified and keeps giving fearful glances to Gun as he peers at them menacingly.

So what if the convincing involves some light threats of bodily harm or whatever Gun has so charmingly offered if that means you will pass. Didn’t you already establish that you have questionable morals? You’re too set in your ways and there's no point fighting it now.

Neither of you get any further after a few hours, and it doesn't help that the student gets more and more nervous each time you and Gun get a question wrong.

Explanations devolve into stammering and barely strung together sentences as if their life depends on you both understanding basic algebra.

They let out a petrified squeak when Gun snaps his fifth pen in half, noticing he has no more pens and may very well come for their neck.

Maybe he will.

"Leave." Gun commands, pinching his nose bridge when he realises this is futile and the student scarpers off.

"I hate this," You say, dejected, and you watch Gun close his eyes and quietly count to ten.

.

.

As it happens, Gun can be very resourceful too when he wants to be.

The following week, the teacher trails behind Gun to the library and offers to help you both out.

He seems equally afraid, eyes flickering over to Gun, and you choose not to focus on that, instead smiling brightly at his kindness.

The teacher, gripping the textbook white knuckled, breathes a sigh of relief hours later when both you and Gun start to answer the questions correctly and with accurate workings too.

In your mind, you have both learnt something and he has avoided an ass kicking so you're all winners here.

Nevermind the fact that Gun would have been the one handing out the ass kicking. There's no need to focus on such details.

.

.

From this distance, you find a figure chain smoking again. You’re now so familiar with his body language, with his mannerisms, that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s Gun and clearly there’s also something playing on his mind.

He sucks a cigarette down to the filter and lights up another one immediately after.

You worry about the poor state of his lungs and if he looks like this when he’s only 20, then mid-life will actually hit him hard. His body must be running on fumes. He really should cut down on the cigarettes and the caffeine and get a better night's sleep instead of staying up all night gaming. 

Not that you’re one to talk.

Perhaps it’s due to how he’s on alert for your presence like you are to him, his eyes snap to yours the moment you start to make your way over.

“You ok?” you ask and he gives you a funny look. It’s the same look whenever you express interest in his well being, or any general interest in him at all, and you think poor guy.

“Fine,” he responds, finishing off another cigarette and flicking it onto the floor.

And another thing, he really shouldn’t litter.

You don’t hesitate to tell him so, and as your tongue unravels, you start to also mention the smoking and his health and how you’re worried about him. Yes he clearly works out but all the cigarettes and lack of sleep will take a toll on him eventually.

Gun’s eyebrows climb into his hairline at your words. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you notice that what was supposed to come across as caring is very much coming across as a lecture though you can’t seem to stop.

As you begin to mention the obscene amount of gel he wears in his hair, his expression turns from bemused to sour and he cuts you off.

“You can nag me at mine over Tekken.”

“I’m not nagging-” you start, and then you abruptly stop as your brain kicks into gear and it sinks in that he has invited you over to his again.

Oh right. His.

The junkyard. 

At some point, you’ve forgotten that you’re in love with the King of Raccoons. That this guy willingly lives in a shack in the middle of, what you can only politely describe as, garbage, and you wonder how your life has come to this.

Gun is patient as he waits for your answer and his eyes are warm. It doesn’t sway you though. You want to counter with No. Why don’t you come to mine then you remember his beautiful bed. Yes you’re getting ahead of yourself but if there’s a chance you get to experience it again, sure. You will come to his raccoon den.

You agree and he gives you the softest smile you have ever seen.

.

.

“Shit,” you say, crestfallen and hanging limply.

“Shouldn’t you be used to losing by now?” comes Gun’s voice and you want to bounce the controller off his head.

“Shut up.”

“Your combinations are weak and poorly timed. You don’t understand how to use your characters or their advantages and you have no idea how to counter my moves.”

As the killing blow to your ego and pride, he adds, "You won that time because I let you."

A part of you already knew that yet you still stare at him agape at his audacity. Sitting, manspreading, on his armchair while he casually assassinates your skills.

“I’m not wrong.” He says with a smirk.

“Shut up,” you repeat, standing up.

“I can train you.”

“Shut up,” you stalk over to him.

“Or what?” He sits back to look up at you as you hover over him. Chin lifted defiantly and his eyes daring.

“This,” you snap, gripping him by the front of his shirt and pulling him towards you. You’re sick of losing and you’re sick of waiting. 

You clash your lips together and feel Gun exhale sharply in surprise at your actions. He tenses, for a split second, before he tugs you into his lap and your legs straddle his thighs. His hand reaches under your top, sliding their way across your skin as you grind down. 

“Wait,” he murmurs, pulling away, lips glossy and gazing at you half-lidded. 

He leans back to look at you properly, removing his hand as you subconsciously chase his touch, then with gentle hands, he cups your face and grazes his thumb over your cheek.

The TV screen illuminates his features, light reflecting in his eyes and you find something you only saw an inkling of during that first night, but has grown strong and steady since.

Gun looks at you like he did then -  soft, like you might break. Holds you the same way he had done - tender and precious. 

Only this time, there’s a steeled resolve in his face as he presses your bodies together, capturing your lips against his once more and you melt into his embrace. He’s much more gentle than you were but there’s a hunger and quiet desperation as his tongue swipes over your lips and slips in your mouth.

Your fingers run through his hair, and you’re pleasantly surprised to find it soft. All this time there wasn’t too much gel at all.

.

.

Gun wakes up the next morning with you drooling into his collar bone.

You wake up after the best night sleep of your life - wrapped in Gun’s arms and in the most comfortable bed known to man.

[slasherscream]

the crazy ass boys and that punisher scene *would* be kooky crazy and you absolutely should do it - the FLAVOR…

A/N: do i feel bad for reader? yeah, of course... but lowkey this shit kinda funny. TW: the kevin and josh parts of this feature attempted sexual assault of reader. if you get the urge to community label this block me and don't read it instead xoxo.

crazy ass boys gang + reader kills someone based on that one punisher scene

billy loomis:

He deserves it. The hands wrapped tightly around his throat, his mind going foggy from the lack of oxygen. Head pounding in pain from the several blows he’d taken to it. His vision swims as he stares up at the monster he himself had created: Ghostface.

One thing he’d never considered about making it so he and Stu were the sole survivors of the Woodsboro massacre was what tantalizing targets they’d become for any Ghostface copycats. He curses himself for it now. It was ridiculous to think that infamy like theirs wouldn’t inspire other bloodthirsty maniacs. 

To be murdered in his own home, the way so many of his own victims met their fate, is particularly insulting. 

‘What an ironic way to go,’ Billy thinks as he starts to black out. 

And that should be it. There shouldn’t be anything after the blackness. But suddenly he’s taking large, greedy gulps of air again and rolls to the side heaving. He finds himself face to face with the Ghostface copycat who sports a new accessory: a kitchen knife in the side of their neck. 

Senses coming back to him, he slowly begins to hear the miserable animal-like whimpering of another person in the room and rolls onto his back. Standing over him and his cheap knockoff is his partner, Y/N, blood splattered across their trembling hands. 

“Did I kill them? Are they dead?” Before you’ve even finished the sentence Billy is shaking his head no.

“No, baby, no you didn’t kill them. It’s okay.” The words hurt to get out but he forces them anyway. He has to reassure you that you aren’t like him. That you aren’t a killer. 

Believe it or not, he never wanted this for you. You aren’t like him or Stu. You aren’t built for this. But here you are, blood on your hands because it came down to Billy or a stranger and you’ll always choose Billy, no matter what the choice costs you. 

Billy forces himself to move when he notices the way the rise and fall of the Ghostface’s chest slow to the jerking heaves of the dying. 

He yanks the knife from their neck and they make a gurgling, wet noise of pain. It’s the sound people make while they drown in their own blood. Billy is more than used to it, and barely registers it. But as quiet as the room is, the noise is deafening for you, and you turn to retch.

“You didn’t kill anyone baby, I promise.” Billy slits their throat so quickly it’s done before you even turn back around. “I killed them, okay?” 

josh washington: 

Josh’s hearing these days is inhuman, which is only fair since Josh himself isn’t quite human these days. 

Also inhuman is his bond with you. He’s in tune with you, to put it lightly. His abnormally cold body forever seeks out the heat of your own. He relishes in your calming scent. He listens eagerly for the sound of your breathing, your heartbeat, your voice. 

That’s why, even with the music at this party turned up to deafening volumes, he registers the sound of your scream as if you were standing side by side. 

The noise awakens something animalistic in him. His mouth, already half split into a permanent, razor-toothed snarl, pulls back even further. He looks monstrous. He pushes and shoves violently through the crowd of mindlessly gyrating bodies in a panic. 

‘Where are you, Y/N?!’ He thinks, sick to his stomach. 

Even through the heavy smells of sweat, alcohol, and weed, he’s able to follow your scent outside. Here he’s in his element. The air is clear and damp, and it’s easy to track you. You’re in the woods just beyond the house, still screaming, when he finds you. 

Immediately he gathers you in his arms, snarling and growling into the open air at any potential threats. 

“I killed him. I killed him, Josh.” You shriek, voice high and sharp with panic. 

He nuzzles his cheek against yours comfortingly. It takes him a second to remember he’s human and can speak. That’s when he smells the blood. His pupils dilate at the sweet, metallic scent and he searches for the source, eyes seeing perfectly even in the darkness of the night. 

His eyes land on a man laying haphazardly on the ground, head bent at an odd angle on a rock. Blood oozes sluggishly over the stone and Josh’s heart stops at the sight. 

“I was just trying to get some air and this guy followed me out here and he wouldn’t leave me alone, so I ran, but he followed me. He followed me! And he tried to…” You sob on the words that won’t come and Josh knows instantly what happened. His mind paints the rest of the horrible picture. “... all I was doing was trying to get him off me. That’s all I was trying to do! I didn’t mean to kill him, Josh. Oh god, I didn’t mean to kill him.”

You’re not a killer. Josh isn’t one either… but if he has to choose which one of you will have to bear the weight of taking a life he knows he won’t let it be you. 

He crosses over to the man, who looks up at Josh with unseeing eyes. There’s only one thing to do. Josh bends down low and braces himself for the way your attacker's blood will taste when he rips out their throat with his teeth.

stu macher: 

text from babygirl/babyboy: [ stu there is someone in the house pls hurry im scared ]

He glanced down at the pocket of his jeans ready to roll his eyes when he heard your text notification. 

You were probably texting him because you’d checked the kitchen and realized you needed some spice or vegetable ‘desperately’ to be able to make dinner tonight. He almost felt like ignoring it and telling you he hadn’t seen the text until he pulled into the driveway of your home. 

But begrudgingly he paused, shifted the grocery bags around in his arms, and pulled out his phone. 

His heart stopped. 

Instantly, he knew you were serious. He might fuck with you like this but you’d never do the same to him. He dropped the groceries on the ground and ran to the car. 

He doesn’t text you to ask if you’re okay. He’s terrified of the answer he could get. More terrified of getting no answer at all, so he just drives. He focuses on the thought of you at home, needing him, and breaks every speeding law there is to get to you. 

He parks down the street so as to not tip off the intruder. He grabs the hunting knife he always keeps in his car even though Billy tells him not to and stalks like an animal toward the home you’ve built together. The rage he feels is indescribable. Someone is in his house terrorizing what’s his. 

He creeps in through the wide open back door of the house. He pauses and listens for a sound over the pounding of the blood in his ear. 

Nothing. For one soul crushing moment there’s nothing at all. 

Then he hears the sound of you crying from upstairs and it makes his heart stop. He runs up the stairs as quietly as he can and throws himself into the bedroom ready to do anything to save you.

But you’ve already saved yourself, it seems. 

You’ve curled yourself up in the corner closest to the door, watching as the man who attacked you bleeds out from the stab wounds you put in his stomach. 

Stu stops moving and watches as the man tries to stop himself from bleeding out, his own cries blending with yours. You were smart enough to keep the knife and you hold it towards the man, shaking with adrenaline and fear.

“Baby-” Stu’s voice breaks the spell you’re in and you turn to him and begin to cry in earnest. You were holding yourself together, waiting on him to save you and he came too late. 

“He’s dying Stu, I killed him. Oh god, I killed someone.” Blood from the knife you’re holding drips onto the hardwood floor of your bedroom. 

“No, baby, you didn’t kill him.” Stu already failed you tonight. He’s not going to let you become a killer because someone broke into your house and you had to survive. 

He crosses the room, kneels in front of the burglar, and stabs them twice in the neck. The warm blood hits his face and he doesn’t even relish in it. Just waits for the light in the burglar’s eyes to dim. When it does he turns back to you. 

“I killed them, honey.”

jd/jason dean: 

The sound of a gunshot rings through the basement loud and clear. 

JD freezes, mind racing as he thinks of what to do next. It’s not every day that you’re caught planting bombs in the building where the Dean’s office happens to be. This was his last stop. 

All the other bombs have already been carefully placed throughout campus. Even if he’s caught now, the detonator is only just out of reach. If he can reach it, the plan will still be a success. The only minor hiccup would be dying beneath a couple thousand piles of rubble. But that’s a small thing. It’d be worth it. For you, JD would do anything. 

This university had taken everything from you. He’d watched it happen. Had sat by, rage simmering just beneath the surface as he tried to let you handle your own problems. You’d insisted he’d let you handle the situation. You’d let yourself get walked all over, is what happened. But JD doesn’t blame you for how everything turned out. 

You’re too gentle. Too sweet. You don’t have that animal instinct to fight or go to war. It was one of the reasons you endeared yourself to JD so quickly. You were intensely vulnerable in a world so resolutely cruel that you were breathtaking just by existing. To watch you come to harm of any kind was painful. But it all ended today. Even if it killed him. 

“Oh no, oh please no.” Your voice makes JD turn in bewilderment. 

“What on Earth are you doing here-” JD’s eyes go wide at the scene before him. 

There’s a security guard on the ground, unconscious, a pool of blood seeping from them. He can see the entry wound on their back. He wonders if the bullet is lodged in them or if it went straight through. 

“I didn’t want to kill him. I was just- I was coming to stop you from doing this but I didn’t… I saw the guard coming up behind you with a gun, and… and his finger was on the trigger. He was gonna kill you. He was gonna-” 

JD steps gracefully around the puddle of blood the guard is making and takes you into his arms. You fall into them with a wet sob. 

He feels his heart go warm, the way it always does when he holds you. You came here to stop him from protecting you and wound up protecting him in turn. Whether you like it or not, the two of you are soulmates. You’ll always come first to one another. Damn the rest of the world entirely. 

But JD knows you’re too tender for this. Knows that killing will break your spirit, not free you the way it freed him. 

He gently pries the gun from your fingers (and almost laughs at the thought of you trying to confront him with his own gun), turns, and shoots the guard execution-style in the back of his head. 

“You didn’t kill anyone, darling. You don’t have it in you.” He pulls you back into his arms. “But don’t worry about that, you’ll never have to when I’m around.”

kevin khatchadourian: 

Kevin told you the guy was bad news. But generally, Kevin was an untrustworthy judge of character because he hated everyone, especially anyone who pulled any of your precious attention away from him. So, you decided to tutor the other man despite Kevin’s insistence you do no such thing. 

You should have listened to Kevin. 

Of course, your classmate didn’t actually need tutoring. He was just trying to get close to you. He said as much as he pinned you against your couch, rough hand sliding up up up your leg, to the juncture of your thighs. It quickly became clear that your classmate didn’t care whether or not you wanted to become close to him as well. 

You’d shoved him away from you as hard as you could once he started trying to remove your clothes. It was a good shove. He’d landed right on the corner of the coffee table. There’d been a sickening crunch as the back of his head hit the wood. Then there was nothing. And now he was making a low, animal noise from what seemed like the very pit of his stomach. He must’ve been in agony. 

You didn’t move a muscle. You were probably in shock. You just sat, holding your ripped shirt to your chest. All the while knowing that if you didn’t do something soon, this man that had tried to force himself on you would die. 

Kevin walked in through the front door of your apartment. You heard him take off his shoes. Throw his keys onto the table in your entryway. Heard him begin to shuffle his way toward the scene of the soon-to-be crime. 

“Y/N?” He’s suddenly kneeling in front of you, blocking the view of your attacker, who still keeps on with that miserable whining. 

“Kevin?” Numbly, you reach for him, place your hands on his shoulders and grip them tightly. You try to pull him towards you but he holds himself away, staring at you. 

“What happened?” 

You glance a little to the side and can see the other man still sprawled across the ground. “I should have listened to you.”

Kevin’s thumb gently drags along your freshly busted lip, smearing blood along the length of your mouth, “What happened?”

His voice is so unusually tender that the haze of confusion and fear breaks and you sob. You try again to pull him towards you and this time he comes willingly, enveloping you in his arms. For someone so distant, who adopts and discards emotions and feelings as easily as a mask, Kevin’s embraces are always tight and all-consuming. 

You stay like that for only a few minutes. When Kevin pulls back, he wipes away your tears with your own ripped shirt. You stare at one another. You never know what he’s thinking, now being no exception, but for once you let yourself get lost in the inky blackness of his eyes and feel comforted, not unnerved. 

“Go take a bath.” The command comes out of nowhere. 

“What? Kevin I-” A slightly louder moan than the rest cuts you off and the look on Kevin’s face fades from whatever was there when he was looking at you to his typical viciousness. 

“I’m going to put him out of his misery. He’s already dying. There’s no use calling an ambulance, and I wouldn’t let you anyway. So you’re going to let me do what I need to do, and you’re going to go take a bath while I do it. Then you’ll go to bed, and when you wake up, it will all be over. Understand?” 

He doesn’t give you the option to disobey. He helps you to your feet, guides you to the bathroom, and even starts the bath for you. Then he goes back into the living room to kill a man as if it means nothing to him. 

You sit in the bath with your knees to your chest, and listen to the sounds of running water instead of focusing on the fact that the man has finally gone quiet.

[cosmicjoke]

So, I've been seeing some people discussing the answer Isayama gave in his most recent interview, about why it is Levi is obsessed with cleanliness, and concluding from what he said that all of the theorizing over the years that it was a coping mechanism that Levi had developed to deal with the filth and disease of his environment growing up was wrong, and the real reason is just that Levi thinks he was "better" than his environment growing up because he "felt he had something noble in him".

But I disagree with this. I think what Isayama said essentially confirms that Levi's obsession with cleanliness is a coping mechanism. As usual, I think people tend to take Isayama's comments and interpret them totally out of context of the actual canon narrative, which is what I think leads to so many bad takes about Levi's character in this fandom, and really, overall about AoT.

You have to understand Isayama's answers in interview through the context of the manga itself, and I think for this particular answer, "Bad Boy" is the specific story that applies the most.

This page is vital, I think, in understanding what Isayama meant. It's not that Levi thinks he's better, it's that he thinks his mother is better, and since Levi carries his mother inside him, that's what I think Isayama is referring to when he says Levi has always felt there was something noble running through his veins. The nobility comes from his mother.

We see in the above panels that Levi, in his memories of her, has idealized his mother. He remembers specifically her elegance, and fantasizes that, in her presence, there was a source of light in an otherwise dark world.

Levi's entire life outside of this single, good memory of his mother was one of suffering, and so it makes sense that he was going to cling to it and idealize it in his mind. To Levi, Kuchel was the only thing of goodness and purity in a hopeless and corrupted existence. The only thing beautiful in a world of filth.

We know this is an idealization, though, because later in the story, we see the reality of Levi's life, that the spot he sat in with his mother, that he remembered as having a beam of light and warmth to it, is actually just as cold and bleak and dark as the rest of his world.

I think it's pretty obvious, then, that in order to cope with that life of suffering and cruelty, Levi not only clung to the one, good memory he had of his mother, to the point of recalling it with a distinct edge of romanticization, but did his best to emulate the romanticized image he had of her. Again, Levi recalls specifically her "elegance", and he talks about how that's the only thing he actually remembers clearly about her. How else to best emulate that elegance he remembers then by keeping himself and his environment clean? It's Levi's way of trying to stay connected to the only good thing he's ever had, by copying the beauty he remembers his mother having.

And we see that desperation to stay connected to his mother play out in his encounter with the men who end up assaulting him. Levi ends up in a position to be assaulted in the first place because he's seeking to hold onto a piece of his mother, to hold onto that one thing of goodness in his life, by trying to retrieve her tea set.

And we see how important Kuchel is to Levi through the fact that it's only when the men start insulting her that Levi finally tries to fight back.

It's not for himself that he's fighting back, not because he thinks he himself deserves better, but because he thinks his mother deserves better.

I think Levi's desire to be clean and keep his environment clean is his way of honoring his mother and paying tribute to her, by carrying on the nobility he remembers her having through the act of being clean. It's basically Levi's way of standing up to and fighting back against the filth, suffering and cruelty of the world he was born into and raised in. It's got nothing to do with Levi thinking he's some sort of superior person. We know Levi doesn't think that about himself because of how he refers to himself throughout the story, calling himself "abnormal", answering "maybe" when asked if he's a lunatic, saying, near the end of the story, how everybody would forget he even exists if he can't fight. This isn't someone who has a particularly high opinion of his own worth. Levi's desire to stay clean, within the context of all we know about Levi and the regard he has for his mother, has got nothing to do with him having a sense of personal superiority over anyone. It's got to do with Levi having nothing good in his life and so clinging with the desperation of a starving child to the one, good memory he has.

Anyway, one more point. It's always funny to me when people say Levi wanted to be like Kenny and imitate him. I've seen people claim the reason Kenny left is so that Levi wouldn't end up like him (absurd, since Kenny did everything he could to turn Levi into a mini version of himself and expressed pride later on in Levi being an efficient killer). Levi never wanted to be like Kenny. He wanted to please Kenny, to be certain, wanted Kenny to be proud of him, and attempted to earn that pride by doing as Kenny instructed him, like any child would desperate for affection. But that isn't the same as wanting to be like Kenny, as in, having a personal desire to be like that. Kenny and the men who assaulted Levi in "Bad Boy", and just his general environment growing up, was everything Levi was fighting against.

If he tried to be like anyone, he tried to be like his mother, by imitating the elegance he remembers her having. Levi's instinct was always to rebel against the ugliness and cruelty of the world, not to give into it or become a part of it. He inherently understood it was wrong and naturally fought against it, despite a crushing pressure to just become a part of it. And one of the ways Levi tries to fight against the cruelty and ugliness of the world is by being clean. Ironically, of course, given Levi's low opinion of himself and his own worth, that exhibits, indeed, that Levi carries noble qualities within him. I think that's most apparent in the fact that he possesses so much gratitude for and displays such an ardent desire to respect a single, happy moment in a life otherwise filled with nothing but despair. Instead of wallowing in the overwhelming misery of his life and using it as an excuse to be a bad person, Levi chooses instead to remember and appreciate with fierce acknowledgment the single, good thing he experienced in his childhood.

[autistichalsin]

I have very complicated feelings about Halsin's Drow brothel dialogue that I want to share. I want to say, immediately, that I am not telling any other survivor how to feel about this, because we all have our own experiences that affect how we feel about this, and I will ask that you show me the same courtesy. I have had past posts of mine met with rudeness- from questioning whether I really had seen the scene in question to someone accusing me of having a "fetish" for rape recovery- telling me "go do Astarion's storyline instead"- to someone saying "the entire concept" (of trauma recovery, I guess?) is "western nonsense". Do not do that on this post.

The most common statements made as criticisms against Halsin's scene, post patch 5* are the following:

*Pre-patch 5, most of the criticism was about how out of left field it is and how there was no ability to follow up with Halsin about it/ask if he's okay.

It's OOC (or at least just nonsensical) for Halsin; he's a big, strong, wise Archdruid, so it makes no sense that he was raped.

Halsin obviously healed completely from his Drow-related trauma offscreen, and any statements from the player questioning this are condescension and/or infantilization and/or the same as demanding Halsin go through therapy onscreen- demanding all survivors have the exact same cookie-cutter reaction to be "valid".

The presence of the one rude "sounds traumatic, you may need to reflect on that" line means the entire scene is condescension as well.

Halsin's trauma isn't actually trauma/Halsin doesn't count as representation because it was not put in the story in good faith/was a joke, and it's insulting to change the scene to be more serious.

By changing these lines, the creators have prioritized one group of fans (those who wanted to see Halsin discuss what happened to him as an assault, not as a "fond memory") over another (those who felt this conversation was an indication Halsin had already had a complete recovery).

Gently and respectfully, I don't agree with any of these arguments. My feelings on these, point by point, are:

Rape can and does happen to anyone. Quite the opposite of being OOC for Halsin, it's important to have Halsin as representation alongside Astarion, to show that big, strong men can be victimized too, by any gender. Victimization can happen to a wide range of people, be committed by a wide range of people, and can have a wide range of effects on the survivor.

I love healed survivors, and I would love to see more in fiction. However, Halsin never once came across like a healed survivor to me, in this scene or otherwise. He came off like someone deep in denial (or perhaps just crisis mode) who was victim-blaming himself to downplay it. He called his rapists "hosts", himself a "guest, prisoner, and consort", himself a "foolhardy young Druid". Those are worrying ways to describe being made a sex slave for three years. I personally can't imagine how we were supposed to hear that repeated denial/downplaying/use of euphemism and infer healing from that. If that was truly what the writers intended, I think an exchange to the effect of "are you okay?" "Yes, it was a long time ago, and the wounds have healed" would have been acceptable- it's weird to think that wanting to be able to talk to Halsin after that and ask if he's okay is the same as "demanding he go through therapy for us" to some folks.

That one line isn't the best or most sensitively phrased, but it is HARDLY unique in that respect; there are many moments where your responses to delicate situations are awfully callous instead, even your "nice" ones. (See: immediately after Wyll gets his horns, where your nicest option is "The Blade of Frontiers has some explaining to do." No "oh my gods, are you okay? Are you in pain?") The lines following the nasty option include some wonderful choices (and a few callous ones, as per usual); "It's not for me to say- I wasn't there. But I'm here now, if you wish to talk," for example, which leads to Halsin thanking you and explaining that he hasn't had anyone to confide in for a very long time. Also, the offputting "you may need to reflect on that" option isn't the only way to get to the following lines; a Seldarine Drow, for example, can offer empathy by telling him he threaded the needle by surviving Lolth's pitiless followers at all. Sometimes, a writer's abstraction of situations like these can be really hard, and sometimes writers for dialogue trees fail to anticipate the responses players will want to give. (I.E. not foreseeing that players might want to sound less judgmental to Halsin's recovery, or that players' first concern will be with Wyll's wellbeing in the aftermath of him growing horns, not anger at his "dishonesty".) I would like alternatives to those callous responses, sure, but I don't think they imply bad intentions. Occam's razor and all that.

The truth is that we will never conclusively know what the intentions were behind the original version of that scene. However, in following with Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is the best one, and it is almost always simpler to assume good intentions than to assume malice. With the care this game showed to rape, slavery, and other issues in the rest of the game, I find it much easier to believe that there was just bad conveyance of Halsin's past than I do that it was intended as a meanspirited joke against sexual assault survivors. Even if it was intended as a meanspirited joke, quite a lot of people had already found comfort in Halsin's character. There is no un-ringing the bell, so the best alternative was to improve the writing to address fan concerns.

Truthfully, any decision made could be argued to be prioritizing one group of fans over the other; if they had kept the status quo, they would have been prioritizing the group of fans who liked Halsin's downplaying of his trauma. Ultimately, Larian has shown that they enjoy making changes to the game over time (sometimes over the objections of fans, I.E. Gortash's letter); if they truly felt the true vision of their story was the original version and they felt it important to stick with it, they would have had no problem ignoring those fan complaints. Hell, one of THE most common complaints about Halsin is regarding his polyamory (especially from Early Access fans on the forums, who are quite vocal about feeling betrayed that Halsin isn't monogamous), and Larian has kept him poly because it is how they intended him to be. Larian didn't change Halsin's post-Drow scene solely because of fan outcry- they changed it because they wanted to. They have no problem keeping unpopular characterization beats and scenes in the game. If it were really a matter of "fan outcry = changed scenes" there would be an evil ending epilogue by now too.

Those are just my thoughts on the issue. I am leaving this untagged out of respect for other survivors who may not agree, but please feel free to reblog or comment- as long as discussion stays respectful.

[stromuprisahat]

The differences between the verbally abusive man and the physical batterer are not as great as many people believe. The behavior of either style of abuser grows from the same roots and is driven by the same thinking. Men in either category follow similar processes of change in overcoming their abusiveness—if they do change, which unfortunately is not common. And the categories tend to blur. Physically assaultive men are also verbally abusive to their partners. Mentally cruel and manipulative men tend to gradually drift into using physical intimidation as well. In this book you will meet abusers on a spectrum, ranging from those who never use violence to those who are terrifying. The extent of their common ground may startle you. One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser. The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to selfishness. Verbal explosions when he is irritated or when he doesn’t get his way. Her grievances constantly turned around on her, so that everything is her own fault. His growing attitude that he knows what is good for her better than she does. And, in many relationships, a mounting sense of fear or intimidation. But the woman also sees that her partner is a human being who can be caring and affectionate at times, and she loves him. She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can help him break his pattern of ups and downs. She gets drawn into the complexities of his inner world, trying to uncover clues, moving pieces around in an attempt to solve an elaborate puzzle. The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to hour. At times he is aggressive and intimidating, his tone harsh, insults spewing from his mouth, ridicule dripping from him like oil from a drum. When he’s in this mode, nothing she says seems to have any impact on him, except to make him even angrier. Her side of the argument counts for nothing in his eyes, and everything is her fault. He twists her words around so that she always ends up on the defensive. As so many partners of my clients have said to me, “I just can’t seem to do anything right.” At other moments, he sounds wounded and lost, hungering for love and for someone to take care of him. When this side of him emerges, he appears open and ready to heal. He seems to let down his guard, his hard exterior softens, and he may take on the quality of a hurt child, difficult and frustrating but lovable. Looking at him in this deflated state, his partner has trouble imagining that the abuser inside of him will ever be back. The beast that takes him over at other times looks completely unrelated to the tender person she now sees.

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men- Chapter 1: The Mystery (Lundy Bancroft)

I won't go through all of Mal's star moments, the best is to be found under my analysis tag or generally #anti Malina, but from the top of my head:

They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor...

Post exactly about this.

Verbal explosions when he is irritated or when he doesn’t get his way. ... everything is her own fault.

She wants to figure out why he gets so upset, so that she can help him break his pattern of ups and downs.

At times he is aggressive and intimidating ...

Her side of the argument counts for nothing in his eyes...

At other moments, he sounds wounded and lost, hungering for love and for someone to take care of him.

[floredaqueen]

A Bud In The Gun(2)

Gator Tillman X Fem!OriginalCharacter

Enemies To Lovers

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Writer(?)'s Note: This chapter was actually super hard for me to write, but I hope people actually like it. Took me forever to gain the courage to even continue it because it felt so late. I just hope that people like a different type of love story. Please enjoy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

⚠️WARNING⚠️

MINORS DNI 18+, Cursing, Threats, Insults, Chrys being a little private investigator, Gator still spying on Chrys, description of fighting, description of sexual content, description of past SA (Trigger), description of assault, mentions of self harm.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Pinapples (3), Grapefruit (3), Bananas (6), Strawberries (2 1LBs), Raspberries (3 1LBs), Blackberries (3 1LBs), Green Apples (5), Grapes (2lbs), Kiwis (6), Grapefruit Juice (2 5.9 oz), Lemonade (2 5.9 oz), Orange Juice (2 6 oz), Apple Juice (2 6 oz), Cranberry Juice (2 5.9 oz)..

... This was the kind of food Chrysanthemum was used to throwing into her cart at this point. When she began her job as an exotic dancer, more than a few of the girls told her that her new bread and butter were fruits and salads. The nutrience would be her best friend. They were right. Now, it's all she would eat. Chrys could still eat other foods, but at this point, it didn't go down her stomach the right way.. in fact, she often coughed it back up.

As she stocked up on her nutritious must haves, she contemplated her plan of action. Her beloved father and brother. She was sure about how she would go about it, but she knew damn sure that all bets were off. Especially when it came to law enforcement in this Godforsaken town. She could've sworn she overheard Sheriff- Gag- Roy Tillman justify a man raising his hand to his wife. It was fucking 2019. If a man had ever threatened or committed violence against her she would kill him. If she allowed to happen even once, Chrys would kill herself. She was just getting more and more reasons to set this town a blaze.

It wasn't long when she finished up, counting her spending and then heading to the checkout bag. Although, no matter how goregous and sharp her eyes were at any other time in the day, there was no getting past the fact that she was as blind as a bat in the early morning. That was her inner dialogue for why she was always bumping someone. The someone she inconveniently bumped into this breezy morning had to be the slick back haired douche seemed to follow her everywhere.. otherwise known as Gator Tillman.

"Careful, darlin'. I could've knocked you over," He'd say in that slightly southern accent, which didn't make much sense considering they were in North Dakota. Chrys rolled her eyes, rolling her shopping car full of sweet and acidic goodies. Gator took a gander as the pretty woman swiped and checked and swiped and checked. Even while doing something so mundane, she looked good, the deputies eyes trailing downward to that juicy peach she called her backside.

"So this is how you keep yourself.. petite.. you need help, lil' lady?" Tillman questioned while he gawked at her smooth and lithe frame. It only got a quick laugh out of her. She looked back when she finished the juice and moved on to the salad.

"Tillman, the only thing this is keeping me from getting is arrested because I kicked your ass." Chrys sneered, getting a chuckle out of him. Soon, he was leaning over, his big hands hovering over her worked, tiny waist appreciatively as if he wasn't about to say something to set her off.

"I'd love to see you try darlin'.. the only thing you could probably do is dodge–" His eyes widened when her gaze met his. They were still piercing right through him as if she were looking at a mirror. He felt like he could feel her lips on his even though her nose almost touched his.

"I assure you.. you don't wanna find out what I can do." Those were fighting words, Gator all the more riled up to start something with his more than eager opponent who couldn't stop poking at him with her long, black painted fingernail. Even if she was dead serious, he couldn't wait for the chance to really demonstrate how they were two completely different levels.

"What if I do..?" Gator would question, only to find himself more and more smug as while her irritation sat like chili on the stove.. at a low boil.

"Go fuck yourself," Chrys decided that was enough indulging Gator for one day, finishing up the scanning of her items before paying and leaving.

"Or you could fuck me yourself," He continued, strolling after her as she pushed the cart now full of bagged fruits and whatever else she decided to stock up on.

"That's not clever.." She added, walking faster until she got to her car while he just stood there. He silently observed Chrys bend over just to put her eatables in the trunk of her Lexus. His head lowered itself, slightly tilting to get a better view of the way her ass curved as while she busied herself.

"Says who?" The agent of "justice" raised an eyebrow playfully, only to get scrutinized by the auburn haired woman. She even scoffed as she pusted a group of others she eyed while she walked to her car.

"Says me. Now instead of following me, go do your fucking job-" She'd say abruptly before hopping into Corey and driving off. She'd barely made out the words Gator decided to speak before she took off.

"Be seein' you, darlin," ..

Yeah.. he definitely would be.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It wasn't only a few hours before Chrys had driven back out, finding herself subconsciously eyeing the scenery. She kept thinking to herself about how it was a different time. It's not simpler but different. When she had reached a familiar looking ranch, her mind flashed, and all she saw was her father and much younger self. She remembered that day.

The day her dad finally caved in and taught her how to ride a horse. He himself was a horse wrangler, but even then, he taught his children that there was way more to life, partially because of the way he was treated. He wasn't the only horse wrangler, but he was the only black horse wrangler. And with that fact known, he had to seek out issues with his ranch, his horses, and money in 'different' ways.. more difficult ways, as if it wasn't difficult enough.

That day was wonderful, though. It was hard, fun work, picking a pony small enough for her young, petite stature. The riding process was terrifying, Chrys remembering how scared she was to even have the horse move and not hold onto it for dear life. She got over her fear, though, following her father to the ranch every Sunday after church to go ride that damn horse.

On the third day of practice, she named her. Like an idiot, she named her. Her name was Posey. Her mane and coat of fur all black. She was feisty and sassy. But not to Chrys. Chrys was the only one who could tame her. But she wasn't too stubborn to call a quits. Before Chrysanthemum went off to college, Posey passed, having to be put down because her joints were weak. After a while, they were weak enough to break.

Chrys was there when her right back leg broke. She was riding Poesy one last time, not even aware of the pain her horse was going through. A loud crack was heard, both Posey and her younger version screeching in horror as they both fell.

Chrys tumbled off of the black beauty bestowed upon her at a young age, shaking off her twisted ankle and wrist to see what happened. And then the real screeching happened. The one where she called out to her father as blood poured across the ground from the very messed up bone. But when he got there, it was too late.

...There was something significant about that day. About the day she watched the animal, she stupidly named implode on itself. She found it symbolic. And she vowed never to let herself get that far.

Easier said than done when she was planning a massacre.

To be quite frank, she didn't know what she was doing, the vengeful woman ending up tramping in the trailer that was her home all those years ago; a taser in her back pocket and a thigh holster, keeping her 9 millimeter close. The place was abandoned, not even given up as collateral or sold to a new home owner. The furniture and electronics were gone.. probably stolen. Food? Rotten, Chrys finding a particularly rancid smell from whatever mushy and rotten substance that barely held its shape in the fridge.

As her hazel, dull green orbs slowed around the double-wide, something distinct was absent. The pictures. Where were they? She rummaged around through the cabinets, messy drawers along with the rest of the vandalized furniture. She only found 2 photos by the end of her salvage. One of them all together, stained by a little bit of mold, and the other of her when she was younger, when she didn't look so exhausted by the wear of college, work, and whatever she called this.. grieving..? For her, it was.

There used to be substance here. This used to be a decent home, filled with the overbearing love of a 3-person family. It used to be filled with laughter, longing hugs, friendly competition, reassurance.. love. Real, gut-wrenching, admirable love. Something Chrys has been longing for ever since she got here. Now.. the place was just an empty, moldy depiction of what laughter, board games, and lessons her family endured together. Together, they were no more.

Her yearning was shortly interrupted by the small sound of leaves being crushed under a boot. Immediately, her head spun around around see what -or who - made the noise, only to find nothing but the wind and what was previously still behind her to be present. What made it worse was that she still felt the eerie present behind her.

The feeling persisted all week. At her apartment, at the grocery store, at the familiarity of a strip club, when she went back to the abandoned trailer. It just wouldn't go away. That is until she decided to figure out what was making her feel such a way.

Later that night, Chrys found herself in her closet, her pupils small and sharp in focus despite the heavy bags under her eyes. She wasn't going to sleep, not until her intuition got to the bottom of what was unsettling her. Not 20 minutes later, she heard a creak at her bedroom door. She would've assumed it was the air conditioning if she didn't see a grown ass man stomp his way into her space. She stilled, her bulbs following his every move.

His gloved hand placed itself upon every surface it could before he realized she wasn't soundly sleeping on her comfy mattress. She wished that she was, but the intruder made the simple action quite difficult to achieve. When he headed to her bathroom, she stepped out of her small storage unit, it now visible that her hand was gripping a metal baseball bat.

Her smaller frame snuck behind the bathroom door, and then behind him when he returned to the bed. The first time she swung, he dodged it just in time to see her. The second time, he wasn't so lucky, the sound of the hallow pang ringing in his ears as he felt the harsh connection against his right temple. His body fell against the flush of her silk covered mattress, yet he was still conscious. He considered enough to grab the bat before she couldn't hit him again with it, only for her to use the hard edge of her elbow as her next weapon. She still didn't know who it was, the perpetrator hiding his face with a stupid Halloween mask. She would've broken his face in if it wasn't for the disguise. Still, though, it was lights out for him, Chrys not taking any chances or giving mercy. Her funny bone was on fire as the weary girl nonstop plowed against his nearest pressure point.

When he was finally subdued, Chrys pulled off the mask, throwing it in annoyance as she realized who was stalking her. With his hair grossly slicked back and his nose protruding a little too high, she already knew it was the son of a bitch, Gator Tillman.

'Kill him,' was her very first thought. 'Kill him and send his severed head without the skull to his no good father as a warning.' She could easily find the tools, and she was sure he wouldn't be looking for him.. but then a better idea came to mind.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Ringing. During the time he sturred back awake, Gator could still hear the ringing in his ears from the harsh hit to the temple he endured. Cautiously, his eyes found the smooth of slim, chestnut color legs standing in patience for his consciousness to return. When her raging expression met his line of vision, he rolled his eyes with a straining groan.

"Fancy, seein' you here, sugar," He smiled wickedly, the young woman crossing her arms in obvious annoyance.

"Why are you stalking me?" She questioned , only getting a snort out of the dirty cop. Her eye twitched as she watched his range of emotions. His anger that he got caught, his annoyance that it was by some chicken, his aloof thought process on how to escape. It was all clear to Chrys.. that is until he turned his attention back to her.

A smoldering expression took form on his face, one that confused her for a moment. She almost slapped the expression off of his face, that is, until he gave it up. Did he think this was fucking Tangled?

"Just wanted to know why you came back," He finally answered, Chrys biting the inside of her cheek to stop her from injuring him further.

"You know why I came back.."

There was a quick silence between them both after that. It was enough time for Whitlock to remember as well. She allowed her anger and grief to fill her once more with determination. Her hands reached for her 9 millimeter, cocking it back before almost capping one in his head. It just grazed his left ear. It was enough to take a portion of the shell of.

By then, she had the deputy yelling profanities, the very small wound just a warning for he could really experience.

"You bitch," He growled in exhaustion, only getting a small chuckle out the mentally wounded girl.

"Probably," She answered with an eerily warm grin. She watched him suffer just a little more, allowing him to fully curse her out just a little longer. A few "Fucking cunt,"s and "stupid slut,"s later, she finally began to bargain for what she really wanted.

"Listen, as much as I'd love to hear you call me every name under the sun, there's a reason I haven't killed you yet."

She sat her piece back down on the kitchen counter, pushing her to be up by her arms to plop her ass on the counter as well.

"I know your dad knows something about what happened to my family.. and I can't just go up and ask him. He'll blow my head off.." Chrys trailed off for a moment, her eyes fluttering to his in a motion that was all too familiar to him. When she hopped off the corner and onto his lap, it was clear. Gator only tensed up when she settled fully,

"I need to infiltrate from the inside.. and you'll be my perfect cover.." A soft smile came to her face, Gator face contorting into a heavy bit of confusion..

"The hell are you on about..?" The deputy asked until he was shushed by the carress of her stiletto painted fingers tips.

...

Sunday seemed to come quick, Chrys finding herself being greeted into the Tillman household by a taller woman. A brown Bob framing her face with eyes desperate to rain happy.

"Hi! I'm Karen. You must be Gator's fiancé!'' She exclaimed, seeming to be happy there was another woman in the house. A warm smile came to her face the, but the sound of girlish giggles followed along by the feel of tiny hands and arms wrapping around her frilly clothed waist. When her eyes peered down, they found two blonde twins, around 7 or 8.

"Oh.. And who might you two be, hm?" She asked with a slightly teasing voice. When they giggled once more, Karen huffed slightly.

"Girls, where are your manners?" The pale woman snapped, shooing the girls away before turning back to the exotic-looking woman.

"I'm sorry about them! You know how it is," Chrys didn't hear the explanation tangent Karen had gone on, too busy looking at all the furnished wood and marble that made up the walls and furniture a like.. until her peridot colored irises landed on the scorn of the Earth, standing there with his burly arms crossed and his greying hair freshly cut.

This.. was gonna be harder than she ever anticipated.. especially with Roy breathing down her neck every second he got.

[imagionationstation]

Okay, so…

As I was in the mist of ✨emotions✨, my explanation skills were barely sub-par, and I gave a lot of people misconceptions to my thoughts on the episode “A China Town Ghoststory”.

So let’s try and fix that.

The episode itself is okay as a fill-in ep that doesn’t have anything to do with the season plot-wise, though it’s existence didn’t really seem necessary, other than an early acknowledgment that ‘impossible spiritual powers do exist so be ready’, which set me up to accept explanations on the unexplained and impossible, like Vision Quest and Leo’s Healing Hands.

Spiritual insanity simply exists. There’s no more to it than that.

And I appreciate that they introduced it without a clichè, “by the way they suddenly have magic as a big plot-point even tho it hasn’t existed at all until now! Why? Oh, I dunno, it’s in their blood or something I guess.”

We got a casual introduction by a villain that only ever comes up once more in all five seasons. Respect. 3/4 out of five stars.

The one aspect that always boils my blood when it comes to this episode, however, is the fight scene between Donnie and his brothers. The first time I saw this episode, I did not understand how they went from trying to kill Donnie, to- Oh, look, let’s go get some pizza! (As my new-to-turtles mind interpreted it).

I was extremely confused, and continued to be confused for the next few watches. Then, at one point while doing research, I saw the scene from Donnie’s eyes, and not from the eyes of a viewer. And I was even more mortified by what I saw.

The way this scene plays out really feels like (note: I’m saying ‘feels like’ and not ‘definitely is’) the brothers were choosing pizza over Donnie. The episode was kinda insulting, the way they go through this whole insane battle, throw him out of a tornado, and then just… Go bicker over pizza? Really?

It makes sense when you lay it all out. The brothers are acting as brainwashed guard-dogs. Donnie is a danger to what they’re guarding. The only way for Ho Chan to keep control is for the brothers to not recognize who it is they’re hurting. The spell makes them see him as a danger, and they don’t fully comprehend that they’re about to end a brother’s life while serving an evil sorcerer.

There’s nothing dangerous or threatening about pizza. It’s something they love, and something they’ve been known to bicker about. If the brothers are in there subconsciously fighting back, it would make sense that they would give into the urge to go after the pizza pies and stop serving their ‘master’. Use the brainwashed aggression to fight over pizzas, or assault the brother who wants to help the captives that you’re guarding. Easy choice.

No matter how you look at it (whether they have some control or they have zero control), it would make sense that they’d go after the pizzas.

Still.

Still.

This must be horrific to witness from Donnie’s POV. Super-powered brothers all banning together to fight you to the death, and every instinct in your being is like “well, I can’t kill them!”- so you’re forced on defense the entire time. One wrong move and you’re dead, and it’ll be at their hands- and it doesn’t really look like they’re fighting back. They’re hurting and chucking and attacking you, seemingly willing to kill you without a second thought, and it’s like they don’t even care-

And for this big brain boy and his canon insecurities, Donnie is going to be overthinking this one moment way more than he should be for a long time.

The way that he still hasn’t picked himself off the ground when Casey reaches his side, and then has to lift him up to snap him out of a shocked stupor- well, that says something to me.

I feel like this episode could have and should have played out differently, but I know many people wouldn’t agree.

To summarize:

…..

I KNOW IT’S A CARTOON AND SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY AND ALL

I REALLY DO

BUT FROM A REAL PERSPECTIVE THIS IS TERRIBLE

WHY THE WRITERS HAVE TO JERK AROUND HIS EMOTIONS LIKE THAT, HMM?! 🥺

My rewrite of this scene is here

[the80srewinders]

Inside The Mind of a Sysmed: An Experienced Guide

by Finley, host

Sysmeds are system exclusionists- they think you need trauma to be plural. They often push that DID/OSDD only develops from trauma and, although that might be true, I've found evidence it might not be always the case (way after we made this blog.) They use the basic well known facts about DID/OSDD to pull you in, because its how they build trust. Then they tell you the misinformation about systems of all types.

Why do they do this?

I used to be a sysmed when I found out about DID- because I fit a lot of the symptoms, and was in denial I had trauma, and felt like I needed trauma or I'd be broken, I closed my mind off from any possibility endogenic systems, much less DID without trauma, was possible. If I believed that, I'd start thinking I was endogenic, and I'd feel like I was broken and an insult to real trauma survivors- I already felt like that. People who were traumatized as children don't remember all of their trauma and there's a select group that remember very little or none. Society pushes the "trauma is something you remember that shatters and severely hurts you mentally that you always remember and want to forget" narrative alongside people who claim they remember their trauma and are "proud survivors. " I grew up believing that and as a result, I thought the only trauma I had was bullying and sexual assault/rape in public school, and my cousin sexually abusing me. Remembering very little details of all those traumatic events and having mostly depersonalized memories of those events, I didn't see where it could be bad enough to cause DID. I also thought I never dissociated until I found out I could have DID but I later found out the things I called weird about myself were actually dissociation- the sysmed view just didn't make it seem that way. I had to go through six months of research to find out dissociation was experienced differently by person. I was on r/DID a lot when I was in the diagnostic process (which took months) and learned so much misinformation about plurality I was suffering with denial severely. I thought I didn't have DID and I was just born broken, I was nothing like these people. Switching all the time, being in distress because of dramatic disorienting dissociation, having vivid flashbacks to trauma all the time. I was none of that. The denial of my trauma ate me up and left me with a hole of invalidity to fill with validity. So I would hold sysmed views to make myself feel valid and say those online when I needed to boost my sense of validity. But the more research I did, the more I found that endogenic systems were valid and often do have trauma- its just not what made them plural. And that everything I experienced was in fact in favor of DID- amnesia of trauma, depersonalized memories, not noticing switches, randomly hearing alters thoughts intruding into my consciousness instead of full on conversations with them thinking theyre "imaginary friends", unstable identity, and after I found out I had DID, headaches when trying to communicate internally with alters.

Basically, sysmeds are sysmeds because they are in denial of their trauma, and the society stereotype on trauma doesn't make them feel any more valid. Mix this in with the singlet created stereotype on DID in media, and how psychology often falsely validated these presentations until 1994 with the DSM-4 which renamed the disorder accurately, and sysmeds don't feel valid at all. They feel inherently broken and like they're nothing without trauma (or at least trauma they can remember.) Their denial of trauma eats them up and makes them miserable, and in an attempt to feel valid, they are filled with hate toward anyone who would make them feel like they're not valid by just existing. Sysmeds let their trauma or denial thereof turn them into miserable exclusionists who knowingly spread misinformation and bait an entire community into being seen as bullies. All because instead of therapy, they chose to go with what feels good in the moment out of anguish.

So yes we are pro-endogenic. Because when we had enough of the pain caused by denial and the "denial-be a sysmed to cure it" cycle, we chose to do research. All it takes is researching trusted websites about plurality, including medical websites that have validated endogenic systems. Sysmeds love trusted sources especially government medical websites, don't they?

And you'll find that there's really no need to be a sysmed at all.

Edit: Sysmeds have different reasons for being sysmeds. Just because these are the sysmeds we encountered and why I became one, doesnt mean its why every sysmed is a sysmed. It could be because they just don't see how endogenic plurality can exist, they strictly believe in the theory of dissociation, or they were exposed to sysmedicalist content like r/DID or r/systemscringe. (We're not against the theory of structural dissociation, we just think that applies to posttraumatic/dissociative disorders only but there's other ways systems develop.) Those are their reasons for hating each other as well. Our experience isn't universal and we realize that.

[beigepillow]

Don’t u think yashiro is abit too romantisized from the writer herself before the fandom , this is a really controversial thing to say but don’t u see yashiro is too feminine and he’s soft like this only bcz a woman wrote this , i mean by that the way yashiro views the trauma is from a woman’s pov which is same as the female writer view, add on that he has this trauma of him possibly being a woman, so if he’s doubting deep down that he could b a woman isn’t that comes from the fact that the writer romanticising him too much as a woman

Something is off and I don’t understand this I searching for an explanation

I am going to try to answer this but the ask is a bit confusing so I’ll go through my thoughts point by point. I am unsure if romanticized is the word you meant to use in this instance. To romanticize is to make something or someone better than it actually is so if you do mean that, I don’t think Yoneda Kou does romanticize Yashiro in that she is making him “work” for his happy ending. She could have written Doumeki as someone who forgave Yashiro as soon as he got an indication that Yashiro had changed but she didn’t. She also could have written Doumeki in a way that doesn’t care about Yashiro being monogamous and open with him but she didn’t so in that sense Yashiro isn’t romanticized or at least that is not the feeling I get from her writing. As for Yashiro’s reaction being from a woman’s pov, I think you chose an interesting way to word that since, in America and I’m sure many other places, men getting sexually assaulted is seen as emasculating and is thought to somehow make them less of a man. There is a deep sense of shame that actually prevents many men from coming forward because they don’t want to be seen as less than. Yashiro isn’t seeing his trauma from the woman’s pov, he is seeing his trauma as a man who regularly got demeaned for it. Whenever a character implies that Yashiro is a woman or is less than a man, they’re insulting him or Yashiro is perceiving it as an insult to him. I am not sure if Yashiro thinks of himself as a woman. I don’t really focus on Yashiro’s gender identity overall since a majority of my posts are about Doumeki lol. In my opinion, Yashiro actually isn’t feminine at all. He is actually a pretty masculine character. We focus so much on his vulnerable side that we forget Yashiro was a powerful figure in the yakuza who is capable of beating others. Ryuzaki attempts to “treat him like a woman” by protecting him and then has the revelation that it was Yashiro actually protecting him. Women are not welcome in the yakuza beyond sex or as their place as someone’s woman and Yashiro definitely doesn’t have that issue. I think Yashiro is more jealous of women than anything. He thinks only women get treated gently and women aren’t forced to be in the yakuza but both those things are attainable for Yashiro. Yashiro tries to gain back control by seeking out sex with other men but he tries to keep his masculinity by making it violent so it is all very complicated for him. Considering there is more focus on his genitals and accepting gentler touches, I think we’ll see Yashiro accept himself and his preferences in sex while not feeling ashamed and less of a man for it. That is just my interpretation and other people may have different interpretations. My answer got pretty long so I’ll end it here haha.

[0rinthered]

I am so passionate about Orin, like no it isn't fair she doesn't ever get the chance and Durge doesn't help her or care after the fact. Ironically what Orin did saved everyone and got Durge freedom if they chose it. The fact that all you can really do is insult her or call her stupid besides the "you've been abused and used option" which is a high roll to even convince her is so sad. I don't like mocking her knowing the whole context and why she's doing what she is. It's not a choice really. It feels wrong to me. She's a victim of so much abuse and grooming from all these awful men. I mean Saravok is a creepy ass misogynist who r worded Orin's sister/mom and people mock her about that in way that's really messed up.

The only person who even seems to show a bit of empathy or at least understanding of her is Minthara when she is a big victim of her. Orin punishes people because she's punished by Bhaal, I saw people post the dev notes the tragic context they should have made clear in the game. That she would have even tried to resist Bhaal before and when she did she got killed for it. In a fucked up way Minthara is the closest thing to showing her "love" or at least care, like I know it's not love but just someone like not being horrible to her or looking down on her for existing. She even says they had similar situations and upbringings so you save her that kind of fate. She said she saw herself reflected in Orin broken too. Sad about all the content they didn't give us because I know they said they wanted more Orin/Minthara stuff but I think ti deserved more than a few lines.

Orin's father is literally a child r*pist and apparently has a line where he says he likes her the same way he does her mom? LIKE WTF? and wants her to make babies with durge? I don't know if it is confirmed if he assaulted her or not but he obviously would if he wanted. He shows a lot of hate like he didn't effect what happened if he's mad about what Orin did to Durge. Felt so horrible killing her in the scene after you tell her the truth because she's totally a slave in body then too. It broke my heart. I don't like that they didn't make her background more of the forefront and just let people see her as this crazy one unless you think about her or find tidbits. She felt like a throwaway to me when she's so tragic and she's just mocked and hated by everyone. I hate abused children/women being painted as "crazy psychos" to make fun of. She's severely mentally ill. Ketheric is not a more sympathetic character, he chose to do all he did. Gortash is given more dignity and choice than her. I think Ketheric and his performance are overrated honestly, he just got more screentime and got to be more fleshed out so they say he's better. That's why people go "orin is just an unhinged boring murderhobo" SHE AND AZULA DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER

Yeah it's pretty frustrating - a lot is implied with her but man you really have to look for it, which a lot of people don't bother to do. Orin in my opinion is the most interesting of the three.

I know the general opinion seems to sway to Ketheric, and I really like him, but I think it's pretty ah... shallow? For lack of a better word. Maybe surface level? Like it's very straight forward in my opinion, which doesn't mean it's any less than Orin or Gortash but I think it's easier to absorb if that makes sense?

Whereas with both Orin and Gortash you really need to sniff around, Orin especially. Minthara is the companion she is attached to, as Gortash is Karlach (While it seems like the only connection Ketheric has to the camp is Shadowheart, but that's through Dame Aylin and Isobel strangely enough. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. But he has an entire act to himself so...). But with Minthara, she is so so so easy to miss and thoughtlessly slaughter (ironically enough) so that's a whole bunch of Orin content absolutely nuked off of the bat.

So I suppose the bizarre pacing is to blame for Orin and Gortash kinda farting around, and Orin not being treated fairly compared to how the fandom treats durge. Again, quite "fitting" I guess. Orin doesn't get that privilege of pity and a chance at life whereas Durge gets two chances. The first being actually having a life outside of the temple, and the second being the tadpole. Why? Idk.

I don't even want a redemption for Orin. I think the choice should be there, and I think the choice should be made by her. Only her.

My ideal world would be Orin can escape, stay (what we currently have), or escape in her own little Orin way. To elaborate on that... I think Orin should be able to continue slaughtering people, but I think she should do it for herself. Not for Bhaal, not for the temple. But because SHE wants to. I do however think the ""novelty"" of that for her would vanish pretty quickly once there's no unholy purpose to it, but that's just part of the growth I guess. So she rejects Bhaal, and skitters away into the shadows. She isn't going to have a character arc in like a week and dye her hair white - despite Shadowheart and Orin's similarities - I unfortunately think it'll take a lot lot lot longer and might never happen.

Still, the main point is that she has a choice, something she has been devoid of her entire life. What she chooses to do with that is up to her and that's the beauty of it.

I could go on and on and on about it and how she should actually be given lots of choices but that would just be me rambling even more than I already am LMFAO

Anyway, Orin I love you pookie boobookeys, remember that there's more to life than pleasing someone who never seems to want to please you.

[eww-y-tho]

A Ben Rant

[it get's real, sorry. also spoilers for the entire show so far.]

The reason I really can't understand Ben apologists is because, like Nick, I don't care about his issues. I am a raging bisexual in the throes of living with a very homophobic dad and a constant fear of being outed to him by my mother, and I wouldn't stoop to Ben's level in any way.

His behaviour is simply unjustifiable. That's why I love Darcy, she is also in a bleak situation, but tries to live her life authentically and without being a trash human being. A true foil so people can understand that perspective.

Truth is, just because Ben was in a bad environment doesn't mean that he has the justification to be a horrible person who abused Charlie. And let us not beat around the bush here, he sexually assaulted him. To be frank, the correct course of action would be a restaining order, being exposed for his crimes, a spot on his criminal record, and either serving some time (6 months-a year) or an astronomical amount of community service.

Sorry, you should have those consequences for your actions. It honestly gets me angry that Nick and Charlie didn't press charges and at least try to get him off that campus. I get it, they're young and really nice kids, but it's really sad that an acknowledged criminal walked off scot-free.

And honestly, when placed in that perspective, Ben's "apology" is even more insulting. That was just a last attempt at getting Charlie back, which is gross.

This hits too close to home in the form of my sister who went through a similar situation to Charlie. She has her Nick now, don't worry lol. I'm rewatching Heartstopper with her and I could tell it affected her.

When you or someone close to you has experienced a similar thing, I feel like it's easier to put it in perspective. But honestly, Ben shouldn't be given any sympathy whatsoever. He is a villain to his bones. And let's not even go into the mess that was Ben and Imogen.

Actually, let's do exactly that.

Imogen is proof that Ben did not learn his lesson and is just a sucky human being. He straight up used Imogen just to make Nick angry and rub it in his face. Imagine knowing the person who assaulted your boyfriend is dating one of your best friends. It's just gross.

And Ben's only motivations were his petty jealousy that Nick is a better boyfriend for Charlie than he ever was and that he wanted the control he had over Charlie back, as was pointed out by Nick and Charlie multiple times.

And let us also not forget that Ben is so far in his delusional mindset that he doesn't even recognize what he did wrong. A half-assed "I'm sorry, for everything," doesn't acknowledge what he did. How about you actually list everything you know you did wrong and apologize for every single one of them? That would show actual remorse.

That indicates that the only reason he's saying those things was to get Charlie in his good graces, not actually stating his remorse for those actions.

And I'm glad Charlie did not forgive him. It was a very powerful scene that went against the grain in similar plotlines where the perpetrator is forgiven for their deplorable actions.

Ben just wanted to have someone as his personal marionette, if that makes sense, and it really grosses me out, which is why people who defend Ben make me angry. You're defending a disgusting human being who deserved everything that came to him.

In the end, he pushed everyone around him away and he will continue to do so, and either learn to be better (which I find unlikely, based on the rainbow wave), or die alone.

This sentiment has been talked about a lot before, so I'm not expecting a revolutionary idea coming from this, but I just wanted to get this off my chest because I saw comments defending Ben and I wanted to rant for a second.

[maryellencarter]

So this scene won't make any sense from just the screenshots because I didn't waste any space on the other guy, so here we go. This is Jigen's showdown (such as it is) with the bodyguard guy who actually killed his former boss way back at the beginning of the movie.

So Jigen, having shot up most of a small private army, is down to his last two bullets. (I know it's for drama, but I always have to wonder why he doesn't carry them in multiples of six. XD) This other bodyguard, whose name is Royal, has already been shown to have a shtick where he kills people while they're off guard -- has pistols that will pop out of his sleeves while he's got his hands up, that sort of thing.

So Royal, carrying an assault rifle, has Jigen pretty much pinned down behind this truck, and he yells "Out of bullets? Here, take this gun" and tosses an automatic pistol that slides over and lands at Jigen's feet. He's like "Pick it up, I'll give you five seconds, I won't shoot, I promise", and obviously everybody including Jigen knows he's lying.

But Jigen has two whole bullets, and him being Jigen, that's more than enough. So he kicks the automatic back over and yells "Keep it, twerp! I don't need it!" (The subtitling is very, very loosely translated. I don't have the ear to identify what insult is subbed as "twerp" here.) Then he waits for Royal to advance and try to flush him out of cover.

At just the right moment, as Royal passes in line with the gun of a dead soldier that happens to be aimed in the right direction, Jigen shoots the trigger of that other gun and gets it to fire, hitting Royal in the side. Royal does a complete 360-degree spin off balance, and Jigen steps out of cover, puts his left hand on his hat for badassfulness reasons, and calmly shoots Royal smack in the heart (I assume we didn't have the FX budget or perhaps the rating for a headshot).

Jigen, having now avenged his former master, closes the scene with the tiniest little smug smile, and that's the last time he'll do anything in this movie except stand around looking decorative. Which I will have probably one more post of, and then -- better luck to him and all of us in October! ^_^

[adamwatchesmovies]

Crossroads (2002)

I don’t often go to Karaoke, but when I do, at least one of Britney Spears’ songs plays. She may have retired, but she’s still got fans. Her 2002 movie Crossroads? Not so much – most likely because even those who saw it in theaters have forgotten it. How could you not when the story is comprised entirely of overused ideas and every attempt to say something serious leaves the screen as quickly as possible?

Ten years ago, Lucy (Britney Spears), Kit (Zoe Saldana) and Mimi (Taryn Manning) made a promise to stay best friends. Unfortunately, growing up has broken them up. Kit is the most popular girl in school, Lucy is an introverted valedictorian whose father (Dan Aykroyd) is pushing towards becoming a doctor and Mimi doesn’t seem to have any future after becoming pregnant and then breaking up with her boyfriend. When the girls nonetheless open the memory box they swore to open on graduation night, they decide to rekindle their friendship with a trip to Los Angeles. How will they get there? By getting the enigmatic bad boy Ben (Anson Mount) to drive them.

Let me dig deeper into these characters and I’ll bet you'll figure out the movie’s biggest problem. Stuck-up Kit is engaged to Dylan, who proposed before leaving to study at UCLA. They haven’t seen each other in months so the trip is her opportunity to surprise him with a visit. Mimi wants to go to Los Angeles and enter a singing contest. If she wins, the prize money is her ticket to freedom. What’s going on with her pregnancy? We’ll get to that in a bit. Lucy has some minor musical inspirations but singing doesn’t fit in the bright future her father has planned for her. He’s very possessive of Lucy since her mother (Kim Cattrall) left them 16 years ago. As for Ben, he’s a musician who just recently got out of jail and there are rumors it was because he killed someone.

Let me spell out the clichés for you. Kit’s fiancé, Dylan? He’s cheating on her. That’s why he hasn’t been visiting. Ben? He’s no murderer. He was jailed but it was because he stood up to his abusive stepfather. Lucy’s mom? She doesn’t want anything to do with her daughter and has a whole new family. There’s a twist surrounding Mimi’s pregnancy. She wasn’t impregnated by the boyfriend she broke up with; she was raped after having too much to drink at a party. Who’s her baby's father? It’s Dylan. Don't worry, the film will have her miscarry before the end credits so the question of what she'll do with her baby is a non-issue. Kit now has two reasons to break up with her boyfriend. Poor Mimi isn’t only a victim; she’s got no chance in this movie because when she gets on stage, she turns into a mouse while Lucy has everyone cheering. The sexual assault means the movie has no reason to get Mimi back together with her boyfriend and while she’s technically single, there’s only one romantic prospect in Crossroads and he’s going to fall for Lucy. It only makes sense; he’s the musician and she’s the singer who doesn’t know she has what it takes to be a star.

I’m working my way to some compliments but first, I have to bring up another significant flaw in Crossroads. This movie was made for die-hard Britney Spears fans, which is to say teenage girls (and the boyfriends they’re dragging to the theater). As such, the film dips its toes into relevant/serious issues: teenage pregnancy, losing your virginity, finding your own way after graduation/growing up, broken familial bonds, friendships that fade over time, etc. The story by Spears (brought to life by Shonda Rhimes, who writes the screenplay) doesn’t address these matters. It gets worse the further along we get, with Mimi’s baby plot getting wrapped up so fast it’s insulting.

I don’t know whether to criticize or praise the film for trying to be more than a light-as-air musical road movie. By trying to be both, I don’t think it’ll leave many people satisfied… except maybe the aforementioned boyfriends forced to come along. There are a lot more shots of Britney Spears in lingerie than you’d expect.

So what’s good about this movie? Well, Spears. She’s not great (her accent slips in at least one scene) but I’m surprised she didn’t pursue acting further. She plays a teenager convincingly, particularly in the scenes where her character is emotionally vulnerable. She comes off as instantly likable and sweet. Crossroads doesn’t quite succeed with its dramatic ideas, but it occasionally hits the mark, particularly when it comes to Lucy’s plots and you have to praise its ambition. In the music department, the numbers are well-woven into the story and prove why Spears is one of the world's best-selling artists.

At best, Crossroads is “fine”. I can't give it any more than that, not with all those predictable storylines. It also isn’t memorable, except maybe in how shoddily it resolves the bulk of its stories. To its credit, I expected much worse. Thankfully, as far as popstar film vanity projects/vehicles go, this is no From Justin to Kelly. (October 9, 2024) 

[archive-of-the-lost]

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 @mimicaz

Your romantic match is...Okkotsu Yuta!

♡ Yuta can be a bit shy around strangers too, so the both of you likely started talking due to a mutual friend (Yuji *cough*). The conversation was awkward at first, but there was a level of grace and understanding there, in being an introvert who doesn't do well with meeting new people. Since you both shared that similarity, it didn't take you too long to feel comfortable around him and start talking more.

♡ He finds your nice and sweet personality so endearing and easy to get along with. You are so easy to love. He doesn't really know how to respond to your playful insults, as he isn't one for playfighting, but he's fine with it since he knows it's your way of showing affection.

♡ He finds it cool that you're so observant, even if you notice some things you would rather not have noticed. It shows a certain level of care you put into noticing your surroundings. It would help a lot in high stakes situations too, so you can better protect yourself or run away. Despite knowing that you're observant, he still gets shocked when you notice he's feeling anxious or upset and trying to hide it. He doesn't want to burden you with his feelings, but if you insist on making him feel better, he can't argue with you for too long.

♡ Since he was friends with you first before dating, he knew you love aquariums before asking you out. You can already guess where he took you for your first date with him. He didn't act that different from his usual self during the date actually, besides the undertone of nervousness and an increase of flirty actions like complimenting your outfit and leaning closer to you while peering into a tank. He bought you a turtle plush from the gift shop too, so you'd have something to remember the date by, besides all the photos you both took.

♡ Yuta would also enjoy horror! Specifically monsters so that's something the both of you could bond over. He'd be happy to watch horror movies with you, play horror games with you, visit haunted houses in fairs with you. He likes to act cool and nonchalant, but fails miserably because he does get jump scared easily. He has to hold himself back from attacking any monster that pops up in front of him, or worse, you. Resorts to chanting "It's just an actor, don't assault the guy" in his head to get through the haunted house.

♡ He's more than happy to take you on shopping dates, though he doesn't buy anything because he genuinely doesn't want anything. Will definitely offer to buy you something and carry your bags. The usual. Will give nice but honest comments if you decide to try out some clothes, which ones look more flattering on you and such. By the time you make it back to your room, you're exhausted after a few hours of walking around. He won't complain when you drag him to bed with you to use him as a pillow, content to drag his fingers through your hair as he settles down with a book for the next hour or two.

♡ You being a hopeless romantic isn't doing his heart any favors. He already loves you so much, but to know that you love him back so openly? You're going to be the death of him. He's so happy every time he receives a gift from you, even if it's just a simple snack (his friends are tired of him lmao). Oh the long love letters are even worse. He only reads them in the privacy of his room, laying on his bed on his stomach, giggling blushing kicking his feet like a schoolgirl with a crush (the both of you have been dating for 3 months), reading 10 words per minute because he keeps stopping to scream into his pillow from how flustered he is. Expect to find an equally long love letter in your bag within a week.

Your platonic match is...Itadori Yuji!

♡ Yuji being an extrovert makes sense for a friendship with you, as he was likely to approach you first and strike up conversation. He's friendly and easygoing, which undoubtedly helped you to warm up to him faster, as he didn't talk over you or ask you too many questions to the point of making you feel uncomfortable. Before you knew it, you were sharing stories and whatever happened to you that day to him.

♡ He really likes your nice and sweet personality. Ever since he became a sorcerer, it's been hard for him to meet nice people. 😭 You're like a breath of fresh air for him. But! That doesn't mean he doesn't tease you back when you playfully insult him. He's perfectly capable of bantering with you, returning your insults tit for tat.

♡ You being more logical and rational balances him out well, because he's always charging into things and making decisions without thinking. 💀 If it feels right to him, then he's not going to argue with himself. He needs friends less impulsive than him. So, he'd admire you a lot for having a more rational mindset!

♡ Unlike you, Yuji isn't very observant. He's a bit oblivious, and usually lost in his head thinking about one thing or another. If you bring up something you overheard (and wish you didn't) while together with him, most of the time he'll go "what? I didn't notice". It's always a good opportunity to share gossip with him, unless you don't like gossip.

♡ Yuji is pretty into food, so you both consider getting food as a hangout activity option. Whenever he goes shopping with you, you both just have to get boba or a strawberry or chocolate snack. Better yet, chocolate covered strawberries. When he gets snacks for himself and you're not around, he'll remember to buy you something chocolate related, so you're never short on snacks with him as your friend.

♡ Seeing you do your makeup makes Yuji curious about trying it for himself at some point, and he asked you to do his makeup for him. He's never tried it before, so anything you do to his face should be able to impress him. So long as you don't make him look like an actual clown (ahsdjk that would be mean), he's bound to like it.

♡ Yuji likes watching TV, so horror movie marathons are one of your most frequent hangout activities. He's gotten pretty good at anticipating jump scares and isn't easily scared by the average horror movie. If you're the same, the both of you look almost bored while watching lmao. But sometimes, there comes along a movie that exceeds both your expectations. The popcorn that Yuji likes to snack on will end up all over the couch or bed when he jumps from a scare. He'll laugh afterward, until you tell him to clean up his mess.

[fortpeat]

I have this headcanon where one night when Sky and Prapai are at a race there is an old hookup who incessantly flirts with Prapai even though he has made it clear that he is not interested. I imagine Sky just sitting there talking to Rain and he looks over and has had enough and just walks over and boarder line makes out with Prapai in front of this person to get them to stop. And of course when they get home Prapai would show Sky just how much he loves him and that he doesn’t want to reciprocate at all when people who aren’t Sky flirt with him.

Hey Nonnie ❤️✨

Apologies for the late reply. Forgive me PLEASEE 🫣🥺

I love this headcanon. I stand by it 1000% in fact I have this pretty long headcanon kind of based on this which I wrote maybe like back in November and it's sitting in my drafts so I am sharing it now 🤭

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So they are on their 3rd/4th date and Pai is still trying to impress Sky and Sky knowing this is being a little shit that he is acting all indifferent but deep down he's enjoying all the ways Pai is trying to spoil him. So they go to this restaurant which has gorgeous architecture and also it's one of the restaurants that Pai uses for meetings with his high end clients.

(P. S Pai had a one time fling with one of the restaurant partners)

So they go to the restaurant and get seated and Sky is so in love with the whole place and ambience and Pai is giving himself a pat on his back for putting that look of absolute wonder in Sky's eyes. As they are having dinner the "partner" comes to their table and greets them and basically pretends that Sky is another one of Pai's one night stand and even alludes to it. Sky is nonchalant towards all of it coz he's still looking and grasping at his surroundings. But Pai is not having any of it. He dismisses that person with the most pissed off face and as the partner leaves Pai asked to be excused and follows the person only to tell it to his face "I do not appreciate MY BOYFRIEND being disrespected. This will be the last time I will be coming here"

(Sky is mostly clueless about it all - all he can sense is that Pai is tense about something and poor baby is thinking that maybe he did something wrong by giving more attention to his surroundings than Pai during their date)

The dinner is done and on the way back home Pai calls his secretary while in the car to tell her to close all connections or deals with the before restaurant. The secretary is baffled for a second and asks why coz if /why Pai's dad asks why that partnership was annulled she should know about it and Pai just tells her that he has no interest in being in touch with people that insults his Boyfriend (in his head it's the love of his life) and Sky who was partially paying attention to what was happening suddenly turns to him with his round eyes completely taken back.

They reach Sky's dorm and walking in Pai started apologizing for not thinking clearly and that he will do better and make sure that Sky never feels that way and Sky is still silent.

Going into Sky's thoughts it's a myriad of emotions coz he can't believe that he get to have someone like Pai in his life just for himself and he doesn't know how to express it. Nobody has ever treated him like this before. Someone worthy of being defended and fought for. So he straight up kiss Pai with all his life and Pai is just stunned by the turn of events. And when asked why all Sky can say is "Thank you for that" and Pai is a bit baffled coz "Baby I didnt do anything its just common courtesy and I would have done this, had it happened to anyone I love"

All Sky can do is close his eyes and step even closer to Pai to lay his head on Pai's shoulder to make sense of his thoughts coz his brain is being assaulted with all these emotions that he can't understand yet. (At the same time he realizes how much he has lowered his standards due to past experiences and just someone treating him the way he should be mustn't be all that shocking) And then he takes a deep breath and pull back only to look at Pai with this kind of desperate need and want that Pai has never seen in Sky's eyes and that kind of puts him off track (coz in his head he's panicking that he might have said the L word a little too early and now sky is gonna run away)

But Sky just pushes him a little bit and keeps pushing him until Pai hits the back of the table and practically sits on top with Sky is between his legs and Sky has this tight grip on his thighs and Pai is just waiting for the next thing sky might do. All Sky does is he leans forward to Pai and looks him straight in the eyes and whispers "it's my turn to take your body and your heart" and Pai physically gulps 😳 and OH BOY DOES HE TAKE. 🤭👀

Sky worships Pai the whole night and Pai's entire world is shifted in an unprecedented way after that and he has this realization that he's ruined for anyone out there and he wouldn't have it any other way. And he sleeps with this smile on his face and this thought that he doesn't mind calling out assholes on their shitty behavior as long as Sky rewards him like this. 😂😂😂

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(P.S this is a very unedited version, wrote in one sitting without actually thinking at all. Just copy pasted what was literally in my head.) (The line Prapai says - but I will take both your body and heart - is a weakness of mine)