#which is really what i needed to remember for this fic and 'what is claire doing during the day / how do i get her out of the house'

[aparticularbandit]

The problem about coming back to a universe after a long time away is that I get to go back and research timeline stuff that I didn't have nailed down.

Like when, in Valentines, Claire is governor vs. senator prior to being president.

I had this timeline.

-sighs-

[redroses07]

Just Friends // Stiles Stilinski

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Fem!Reader

WC:1.7k

Summary: Stiles is struggling after being controlled by the Nogitsune, and he turns to you for help. But little does he know, it will turn your friendship into so much more. Takes place after season 3. (Allison isn't dead!!!)

Warnings: Swearing, angsty as fuck, sad Stiles, kissing, implied smut if you squint?, PTSD.

A/N: HI GUYS!!! I really like this fic and ofc I hope y'all will too! This is my first time writing about Stiles and I think I did pretty well! As always, enjoy!! And comments and reblogs are appreciated. P.S. lmk if y'all want me to do a part 2 where they tell their friends (Scott's reaction hee hee) - Claire ♡

After Stiles was released from the control of the Nogitsune, things seemed to go back to normal. Well, at least that’s what one would think from the outside.

The series of events had taken a severe toll on Stiles’s mental health, and even though he did a good job of hiding it, you were the one person who seemed to know what he needed.

It all started about a week after everything happened, it was the middle of the night and you were jolted awake by the sound of your phone buzzing by your head.

You were about to hit decline but then you saw it was Stiles and feelings of worry began to stir within you.

You quickly answered, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you forced yourself awake.

"Stiles, is everything okay?"

"Yeah...well not really. I hate to ask, but do you think you could drive over to my house. I just really don't want to be alone right now." Stiles's voice was groggy, and laced with exhaustion. The fact alone that he was asking you this made you immediately agree.

You hopped out of bed, not bothering to change out of your pajamas, slipped on your slippers, and you were on your way.

Your house wasn't far from Stiles's, about a five minute drive with no traffic.

You lived directly in the middle of him and Scott, being only a short distance from each. The close proximity was the main reason the three of you had stayed so close throughout your school years.

"Friends", that's all you and Stiles had ever been. Although, neither of you could deny the chemistry between the two of you, risking your friendship never seemed worth it.

It was on this night that all that would begin to change.

When you arrived at Stiles's house, he had left the door unlocked for you so you wouldn't have to fumble around with the spare key in the dark.

You found Stiles laying on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. He looked lost in thought, his eyes rimmed with dark circles. It hurt seeing him look so drastically different from the Stiles you knew, and you wanted to do whatever you could to help.

You laid down next to him, your body facing his.

"Hey..." Stiles began, still staring at the ceiling.

"Stiles, what's going on? You know you can trust me with anything right?"

"Yeah...It's just a lot to put into words." Stiles's voice cracked, which told you that he was fighting tears.

You sat up and stiles copied the movement. You were now both facing each other, sitting legs crossed on his bed. You pushed aside the unspoken vow between the two of you and placed his hands in yours. Stiles's breath hitched, and you could tell he was avoiding eye contact with you.

"Take all the time you need, I'll listen to every word." you said softly.

"I know everyone thinks I'm doing okay, but I can't even function. I can't sleep without having nightmares. I can't eat or do anything without remembering all the awful stuff he made me do. I didn't know who else to tell except you. Scott has his own set of issues, and you're the only person I trust like this."

Stiles began to ramble, and your heart broke as he did. How had you not noticed earlier? Yes, it had only been a week, but you knew Stiles better than anyone. You felt like an awful best friend.

"I'm so tired, I just want to feel normal again." He could no longer hold back the tears, the dam broke and Stiles became a sobbing mess.

You pulled him into your arms with no hesitation, which only made Stiles want to cry.

"No, no I'm going to get your clothes all wet." Stiles protested trying to pull away, but you wouldn't let him.

"A few tears never hurt anyone." You said.

At that Stiles let himself fall into you, his body going limp with exhaustion. You tried not to cry along with him, wiping your burning eyes to prevent the tears.

"It'll be okay." You whispered as Stiles's sobs turned into sniffles. He finally looked up, his cheeks wet from the tears that had escaped his puffy eyes.

You did the only thing you could think of and gave him two kisses, one peck on each cheek. Stiles lips turned up in a small smile, his cheeks still turning red despite his current state.

"I think the first thing we need to do is get you to bed." You smiled, pushing Stiles's messy hair back.

He looks at you and nods without moving from your arms. You lean back on his bed, pulling him with you. You positioned yourself to where Stiles was resting on top of your body, his head pressed to your chest. You kept your arms wrapped around him, squeezing his body in an attempt to comfort him.

As you were settling down you heard Stiles whisper your name softly.

"Yeah?"

"Promise you'll wake me up if I'm having a nightmare?"

"I promise." You replied as you reached down and laced your fingers with his.

Stiles gave you a half-hearted smile in response, his puffy eyes glazed over from fatigue.

"Thank you." Stiles murmured, fighting sleep.

"Shhh." Was your only response as you traced your fingers along his back.

"I love you." It was an incoherent whisper, so much that you couldn't be sure of his words. But something told you you had heard correctly.

By the time you went to reciprocate the statement, the room was filled with Stiles's muffled snores.

You sighed and proceeded to fall asleep yourself.

Stiles slept through the night for the first time in weeks.

After that the trajectory of your relationship began to shift.

From holding Stiles's hand to remind him that everything was okay when you were with your friends, to staying up all night listening to him talk.

You rarely got to sleep at home anymore, but you didn't mind. You weren't far if you needed something, and it helped Stiles get a good night's sleep. Yet he would still apologize every time. "I'm sorry to bother you again.", "I promise this is the last time.", when in reality you were definitely okay with an excuse to spend more time with him.

You had become his anchor to reality, and Stiles could feel things beginning to look up with every day that passed.

Your friends picked up on it too.

"So, are you and Stiles together, or..." Lydia and Allison asked when they managed to corner you at your locker one day. It was a question you didn't know how to answer. Eventually landing on, 'it's complicated.'

"What's going on with you and Stiles, I'm starting to feel like a third wheel when we're together." It was a joke, but there was certainly some truth behind it.

You laughed it off and changed the subject, but didn't forget the comment that night when you and Stiles laid in each other's arms drifting off to sleep.

Surprisingly, it wasn't you who finally brought it up, but Stiles.

It was a Friday night, and the two of you were at your house instead of his.

"Shit, I forgot clothes to change into." Stiles said as he fumbled through his backpack.

"It's all good, I have a spare pair of clothes in my drawer for you." You replied, pointing to the dresser.

Stiles smiled and laughed, holding eye contact with you for perhaps a moment too long.

"You take care of so much for me, sometimes I feel like you're my wife." It was a casual statement, but it put you at a loss for words.

You laughed awkwardly, failing to come up with a reply.

Stiles could very clearly read your emotions, he pushed the drawer shut and walked back over to sit next to you.

You tried to calm yourself, but your heart wouldn't stop beating at what felt like an unhealthy pace.

"You're my best friend..." Stiles began, taking your clammy hands in his.

"You've done so much for me in the past few weeks, just like a best friend should; but I can't help thinking that this feels like something more."

You felt as if the world stopped. You knew this conversation would come, but definitely not now. Your brain seemed to stop producing thoughts.

"Please tell me I'm not imagining all of this. I know this is a lot at once, but Y/N I love you." Stiles's voice shook from the overwhelming nerves.

"I love you too." You spoke for the first time in minutes, it felt amazing after you had heard it fall from his lips that first night you spent together.

Stiles's eyes gazed into yours, and suddenly the feeling of just your hands touching wasn't enough.

You reached over and grabbed Stiles face, finally closing the gap between the two of you.

You pulled Stiles down as you did, his body landing on top of you sinking into the kiss.

You tugged on his hair lightly, pulling him as close to you as humanly possible. Stiles fell deeper into the kiss, locking your hands together and pressing your body further into the soft mattress.

After a few minutes of pure bliss you broke apart. The air that filled your lungs was both a blessing and a curse. You needed to breathe, but the absence of his touch only made you want him more.

Stiles hovered over you, the sound of his heavy breathing was the only thing you could hear over your own beating heart.

"So I take it you're not just my best friend anymore?" Stiles giggled, pressing his forehead gently against yours.

"Nope."

You gave a sly smile before pulling Stiles down by his shirt and connecting your lips once more.

[garbinge]

That One Christmas Without Carmy

Michael "Mikey" Berzatto & Platonic!F!Reader

30 Day Fic Challenge (22/30)

Word Count: 2k A/N: A little flashback with Mikey.

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of content. Mentions of abuse, angst, sadness, depression. Other fics from this universe The Bear Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics @quixscentsposts @dadbodfanatic-x @adorable-punk-superheroes @lodeddiperrodrick @isalver @captainweasleybarnes @musicwithteeth @fancyvoidtragedy @shinebright2000 @knight4xmas @gills-lounge @navs-bhat @cosmicak @kmc1989

It was the one Christmas Carmy didn’t come home. With how things were with him, you weren’t shocked. He barely answered your texts, you talked for two minutes every few months. Things were just different, you knew he was distancing himself. It took some time but you put the pieces together as to why and weren’t going to force him into anything. 

You walked into the house, apple cider in your hand, something you did every year you came. Sugar hated that Donna drank herself a mess every holiday, which made bringing alcohol feel wrong, not to mention when you started coming over for these events as an adult, you were still under the legal drinking age and you knew food was off limits when Donna was cooking the 7 fishes. So apple cider it was. 

Not bothering to engage in whatever conversation was happening in the living room, you moved throughout the house looking for a quiet corner to just collect your thoughts. Life had been pretty rocky lately, you just moved back not that long ago and you still felt like you were trying to get your footing from being in Indiana with the jackass that was your ex. You weren’t sure what life held for you, but the pressure alone was enough to weigh you down. 

You let out the deepest sigh as you collapsed your back on the wall next to the pantry where Mikey was standing, the only quiet corner of the house that wasn’t the bathroom which was currently being hot boxed by the Faks. 

He let out a chuckle and a head shake, letting his long hair fall all crazy around him. 

“Just need a minute.” You stared at the ceiling. 

“Feel that.” Mikey was now staring up at the ceiling with you. “Sorry about the craziness.” 

“Ironically, Mikey, this is the most stable environment I’ve been in.” 

“You know that’s fucked, right?” He looked over at you with a smile. 

“Beats sitting in an empty house waiting for a santa that never comes.” You remembered the one Christmas in middle school where your dad told you he was going to visit Santa and to stay in the living room and he’d be back with gifts, he didn’t show back up for 3 days, and all he had in his hand was a public indecency ticket and a 6-pack. “I don’t think you get how much this shit means to me Mikey. You, Sug, Carm, shit, even Richie. You guys saved me, Donna being well,” you pointed to the kitchen as a way to replace any verb that just felt completely underwhelming in comparison of the action, “it’s something I’d happily deal with just to have your guys company.” 

“We love you, kid.” He grabbed your shoulder, staring at you. 

After a moment of silence, you spoke up. 

“You talk to him lately?” 

“No.” He answered quickly. “You?” He was now staring down at the floor, waiting for an answer.

“Not really. Maybe a month ago. He actually called me once, wished me a happy half birthday.” You chuckled and looked over at Mikey who was making a weird face. “It’s like a tradition.” You started to explain since he looked very confused. “We’ve done it since we were kids.” You shrugged. “But other than that and a text to let me know he wasn’t coming home, he hasn’t answered my calls. Barely texts me back.” 

“You know last year, he was standing right there where you are, giving me shit ‘bout talking to Claire Bear for him.” He laughed at the memory while you rolled your eyes. “Jealous?” Mikey caught you and smirked. 

“Barely.” You huffed. “It’s just so crazy you guys can’t see it.” You shrugged and looked at Mikey who was giving you a look like ‘are you going to continue?’. It made you laugh but you obliged. “You’re gonna make fun of me and him for saying this, but Carm, he’s so delicate. He gets tipped off his scale so easily you gotta ease him into things. I bet you, you, Richie, and Fak bum rushed him about how hot she is, and how he needs to hit that and whatever. That shit throws him off, you gotta be smooth with it. When he’s here, he’s waiting for something to tip the scales, that's why it’s so easy to tip.” 

“It was cousin Steve, not Fak, but you’re not wrong, that is what happened.” He nodded, letting his hand rest on the frame across from him as his head dropped and his back was still against the other side of the frame. “It’s like you’re his best friend or some shit.” It was meant as a joke, a light hearted comment but it held a lot more weight for you.

“I don’t know about that anymore.” 

“What happened to you out in Indiana. Could tell shits been different for you since then.” Mikey continued the conversation, his leg now lightly kicking the door frame as a subconscious tik. 

“Some really fucked shit happened. After all of it, I went to see Carmy, could tell he was working really hard to separate himself from this, and I just so happen to be a part of this. I think I tip the scales.” 

“If it makes you feel better, I most definitely tip the fuckin’ Carmy scales.” Mikey laughed, looking back down at the ground. 

“You know, you’re like a brother to me, Mikey.” That comment brought his eyes back up to you, his head nodding and his hair flopping all over the place as he acknowledged you. 

“I love you like a sister, you know this, sometimes even more than Sugar, you don’t ask Ma if she’s okay 20 times a day.” He teased, a smile growing on his face. 

It was nice to see him smile, it was so rare these days it felt like. 

“Your moms scales are easily tipped, too. Probably where Carm gets it.” You were now walking past him in the door frame and sitting on the radiator box that was parallel to the stairs. “Guess I got my dad’s scales, untippable.” You shrugged as you jumped up. 

“Think I got mine’s too.” Mikey’s eyebrows raised, he shifted his positioning, so he was facing you since you moved, but quickly mimicked how he was standing before, back against the door frame, hand on the opposite side holding him up. “How is your Pops?” 

You laughed and shook your head. “It’s Christmas Eve so, drunk, probably in a casino.” 

“Some things don’t change.” His eyes were now connected to yours. 

“And yet I feel like I can’t recognize my life anymore.” Your legs began to kick back and forth slightly hitting the radiator beneath you.

“Well, a lot of things do change.” Mikey shrugged, a smile growing on his face at the irony of his statements. 

“Funny guy.” You smiled back. 

“Bear made me this drawing that Christmas. Told me about Copenhagen.” He let out a deep sigh. “I tipped the scale though.” 

“He just misses you, Mike. Wishes he was doing this with you.” It was spoken like it was so obvious and Mikey missed all the signs. 

“He told you that?” It was curious how he asked, like he knew all along, but there was some shit no one but him knew that prevented it all from happening. 

“No, but I know he told you that, he’s my best friend, I've known him since we were kids, I know what he’s thinking before he thinks it.” You spoke jokingly but obviously.

“It’s just a mess here.” Mikey wasn’t in the mood to joke about this and you could tell that immediately.

“But it’s home.” You spoke in the same seriousness.The doorbell rang and you looked at Mikey and quickly nodded your head to the right. “I’ll get it.” 

Mikey stayed leaning against the pantry’s door frame as you walked over to the front door. With a smile, you tossed open the door, expecting to see Pete or even one of the Fak’s since they always managed to lock themselves out every year but your heart dropped when you saw him. 

“Hey, I uh, called your dad, said I could probably find you here.” 

The last time you saw this man was when Richie was pointing a gun at him in the middle of The Beef which was last year. That added with the fact that he mentioned talking to your father, you barely got to talk to him and he can just call him up and he offers up your information like its nothing. The feeling of your heart dropping was quickly being replaced with rage bubbling in every part of your boddy, but your hands and arms specifically. 

“What the fuck do you want.” It must’ve been obvious you were getting angry because the man in front of you lifted his arms in a sense on innocence but you knew there was nothing innocent about him. 

“Was back in the area, missed you, I know how much you love the holidays, figured maybe we could go out, catch up, or not talk at all.” His eyebrows raised and as he was talking you definitely smelt the alcohol on his breath. 

“You should actually get the fuck out of here.” Your hand was firm on the door, despite them shaking, ready to slam it closed. 

The man took a step forward now, his begging mixed with a desire to show power. As his hand rested on the door he began to slightly push it open against yours.  “Don’t be like that, I always hated when you were like that, you’re too pretty to have an attitude that ugly.” 

Suddenly, the pushing on the door stopped and you felt a hand right above yours. Turning you saw Mikey standing behind you, taking all the weight of the door in his hand as he held firm with a deep frown on his face. 

“Pretty sure she told you to get the fuck outta here.” 

You weren’t sure if you were mortified or happy someone had your back right now. 

“I’m talkin’ to the lady, alright, don’t mean to be a bother, you don’t–you don’t gotta get involved.” It was said to be nonchalant but anyone could have read between the lines. 

“No, you’re not talkin’ to the lady.” In a way so opposite of his other hand, Mikey lightly touched your shoulder and smiled at you as he nodded behind him. Quickly he was taking your hand in his and moving you behind him. “C’mere sweetheart, stand right there.” He turned his attention back to the man at the door and hardened his face again. “You’re talkin’ to me. Who are you?” 

“I’m a friend.” He pointed to you and tried to peak past Mikey at you. 

“You ain’t shit. This is my house, my property, and she’s my friend. So I’m gonna need you to get the fuck out of here.” Mikey gripped the guy up with such ease, if it wasn’t for the flex of his muscles and the veins on his arms popping out, it wouldn’t have been obvious as to how hard his grip around this guys neck was. He tossed him down the stairs almost like a ragdoll, it helped that the man was in the bag drunk and had little to no reflexes readily available anymore. “If you ring this doorbell or do any other shit in or around this house, I’ll kill you.” With that the door was being slammed and he was turning to look at you. It broke him to see someone he saw as family so scared, your eyes were terrified still. 

He was tossing his arm over your shoulder and pushing you back through the kitchen and to the dining room where the chaos was. A sure way to keep your mind off everything. 

“Hey, c’mon now. Ignore that, let’s steal one of those cannolis, yea?” 

[annabelle1901]

Lost Frank Castle x Karen Page fic

Hi! So I don't really interact with anyone on Tumblr but I don't really know what else to do, so here we go. I'm back on my Kastle bullshit <3 and I've been trying to find this old fan fiction on AO3 that I started reading years ago. Stopped reading after a certain point but had the tab open on my phone and I thought I'd continue reading eventually.. And then my phone got stolen, and I forgot the title & author name. Not great. I've dedicated the past few days to looking for it and so far I got nothing.

So what I'm gonna do is write down everything I remember like a mad woman in the hope that this jogs someones memory. Please help me this fic haunts me. ANY sort of reference or whatever could potentially help (Tumblr posts, links, screenshots, Google history, etc)

Fandom: Daredevil/ the Punisher obv

Pairing: Frank Castle/ Karen Page

Rating: probably explicit (canon typical violence and eventual smut)

Published: 2016-2017 (started post s2 Daredevil but pre The Punisher s1 because I don't remember any of the plot or characters from that show showing up) might have been deleted in 2020ish

Length: has to be +10 chapters (long chapters as well, don't know if it was finished)

Characters: Matt Murdock/ Daredevil, Foggy Nelson, Claire Temple, Elektra Natchios (I vividly remember them making some sort of appearance)

now let's get really unhinged...

Plot:

Pretty sure the story starts on Karen's birthday but her mood is meh.. She's on her way home or something, gets in her car and Shining Star starts playing which let's her know that Frank was recently there. Something else must have alarmed her because she goes looking for him and finds him in like an alley around her building. He's in really bad shape, bloody practically dying. She carries him to her apartment and either helps him herself or calls Claire Temple.*

*Don't think it was in this part of the story but she helps Frank and makes a joke about him not being healthy enough to be sleeping with Karen anytime soon which makes them blush. Don't think they were intimate yet but tensions were rising.

For the next couple of chapters I remember it was mainly beautifully written angst between them in this contained space while he's healing. Karen doesn't want Frank to get killed while being the Punisher, he resists her care and tries to hurt her by saying "You aren't Maria and could never be" or something.

I also vividly remember a scene where he's grieving and keeps like tugging on this necklace Karen has on while he cries in her arms. She leaves her necklace at his family's graves and the groundskeeper or something tells her not to do that because it'll get stolen but she knows that but does it anyway as a sign of respect.

They sort admit their feelings eventually but don't sleep together yet because they know they can't go back after that. For some reason Frank needs to leave the city for a little while to re-home a dog I believe he found while on a "mission" and the idea is that the time apart will help them decide whether or not they want to be together. They reunite on a sunny, lovely day in the city and go back to her apartment and lots of smut ensues. Daredevil shows up at midnight/ morning to get Frank. Something's going down he needs his help. It doesn't end well somehow Karen gets involved and they both go to the same hospital. Frank is in a coma and Karen visits him when she's allowed and urges him to live sort of mirroring when he first got shot in the head at the carousel. He wakes up but needs to go back to prison. Everything is really bad. The press somehow knows about their relationship as well. Last scene I remember is Karen and Foggy talking about all this and a newspaper printing a picture of Karen's legs with the caption Keys to the Castle? or something. Gross everything sucks and that's where I stopped reading.

So that's about all I can remember, feels like a fever dream. If anyone could help me out I'd really appreciate it. Thx!!

[livsoulsecrets]

Kitty and Yuri Fic

@fandom-free-bingo Prompt from Pride Edition Prompt: Lesbian Couple

Fandom: XO Kitty

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Summary: In their first day back in KISS, Yuri and Kitty reunite and finally address the tension between them.

Yuri turned around to leave…

And didn’t make it out the door.

Instead, with her hand still on the doorknob and her back turned to Kitty, she hurriedly spat out, “What did you want to tell me at the airport?”

Read on AO3.

Kitty hadn’t talked to Yuri in three months. The last time she had even heard from her was at the airport—the day Kitty left Seoul and Juliana returned. Yuri hadn’t even updated her Instagram since. Kitty supposed she had been too busy reconnecting with Juliana to bother with it.

They didn’t talk even when Yuri’s mom went back on her decision and allowed Kitty to go back to KISS. Kitty was pretty sure Yuri wouldn’t want to hear from her anyway, and the idea of getting that impression confirmed was enough to keep her away.

She had assumed they’d keep their distance when the new semester started. That was what Kitty had prepared herself for during the endless hours of her flight to Seoul and her move into a new room.

Kitty wasn’t even sure why she had agreed to go back. What did she even have in KISS that was worth all this trouble?

She might have managed to get closure on her relationship with Dae, but they were hardly friends. Her friendship with Q was still fragile as they tiptoed around each other. And things with Min Ho had been awkward since she let him down after his confession.

Yuri wasn’t talking to her. She had a girlfriend, a new brother, and endless family drama to deal with that she did not need Kitty contributing to.

Still, Kitty had come, and she hadn’t done it for anyone but herself this time around.

Which led to her getting ready for her first day back all alone in her new dorm. Her new roommate, Claire, had friends to meet with before class—people she could get opinions from, people she could talk to.

Kitty only had herself and her own reflection in the mirror.

And the stupid necklace clasp she couldn’t get closed on her own.

“Do you need help with that?”

Kitty’s concentration shattered, and she expected to find Claire walking back into their room. Instead, Yuri crossed her doorway.

Yuri’s hair was undone, falling down her shoulders with every step she took—it was longer than when they had last seen each other.

Kitty stared at her with unblinking eyes through the mirror’s reflection. She was sure she had started hallucinating up until Yuri’s fingers brushed hers when she collected the necklace.

Just like she had done the year before, Yuri brushed Kitty’s hair to the side with one hand before expertly closing the clasp on her first try.

“There you go,” Yuri announced, gently bringing Kitty’s hair back into place.

Kitty turned around to take a good look at her face. Her sheer proximity was enough to send her head spinning.

“Yuri,” she said dumbly, her eyes traveling through Yuri’s face, searching for any signs her dreams had escaped the nighttime and infiltrated her days too.

She found none. Yuri was exactly as Kitty remembered her—she was even better, because she was really there.

“Hi, Kitty,” she greeted, taking a step back.

Kitty cleared her throat and tried to smile. “Hi.”

Three months of imagined conversations and almost-sent texts… And the best she could come up with was Yuri’s own name and “Hi”?

She briefly wondered if it was too late to book a ticket home and never step foot in Seoul again.

“Can we talk?” Yuri asked. “I know we have class soon, but do you have a minute?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kitty mumbled, her voice rising a bit too much. She tried again. “We can talk.”

“I’m really glad you agreed to come back,” Yuri started.

“You are?” Kitty couldn’t help but ask, more confused than anything.

Yuri laughed—a startled, half-muffed sound she only ever made when she thought Kitty was making a fool of herself.

God, she had missed that laugh.

“Of course I am,” she confirmed. “I know we weren’t on good terms when you left, and we haven’t talked in a while, but I would have missed you if you didn’t come back.”

Kitty’s eyes widened. “You would?”

Yuri stifled a laugh. “Kitty, are you going to question everything I say, or do you think you can just take my word for it?”

“Sorry,” she hurried to say. “I just didn’t think you felt that way after… Well, everything.”

“I understand. For a while, I didn’t really know how I felt about anything either.”

Kitty found there was something very strange about Yuri’s tone, like there was more she wanted to say but was holding back against.

The tension between them hadn’t gone anywhere in the last few months.

It was like time and distance had amplified it—shaped it into a ticking bomb that could go off at any second and destroy this carefully built truce they were now in.

Kitty was nowhere near ready to approach that topic, so she settled for a safer version of her truth. “I’m really sorry for lying to you. I didn’t know what to do or how to deal with what I found out, but I should have been honest.”

“I’m sorry I lashed out, too. I was hurt, but that was because I trusted you a lot. I felt like…”

“Like I broke your trust,” Kitty completed, crossing her arms.

“I guess so,” Yuri agreed. “But, more than anything, I was angry at my mom for hiding another kid from me. My whole life, she pushed me to be perfect, to not do anything that could disappoint her. And the whole time she was keeping her own secrets, making me feel awful for having mine. I took some of that out on you too.”

Kitty nodded and tightened her arms around herself. They fell into silence for a few moments. Kitty didn’t dare break it, unsure of where they would go from there.

Why was Yuri there? Had she gone to Kity’s room to say she forgave her, but it was better for them to stay away from each other? Or that they could be friends again, leaving everything in the past?

Kitty didn’t think she could survive either option.

“Uh… I should get going,” Yuri said abruptly, fixing her perfectly ironed skirt and retreating a bit farther away.

“Oh,” Kitty muttered, “okay.”

She didn’t want Yuri to go. She wanted to hear about her vacation and the places she might have visited. She’d plaster a smile across her face and pretend it didn’t kill her to hear about how great things were with Juliana if it would make Yuri happy to talk about her.

She wanted everything to be normal again.

“See you in class, then,” was all Kitty said.

Yuri turned around to leave…

And didn’t make it out the door.

Instead, with her hand still on the doorknob and her back turned to Kitty, she hurriedly spat out, “What did you want to tell me at the airport?”

Kitty, well, Kitty didn’t know what to say. She knew what she wanted to say, but she was also aware that the last thing Yuri needed was to add Kitty’s feelings for her to the pile of problems in her life.

Should Kitty tell her she could recognize Yuri’s laugh in any room? That she would follow her like a moth to a flame wherever she wanted to go? Or share that, in her dreams, Yuri’s lips touched hers and everything felt real for a few precious seconds after she woke up, and not even the disappointment of reality could take away from the happiness she felt in those fleeting moments?

Yuri turned around when Kitty still didn’t answer her question. “It’s just… When we talked at the airport, I thought there was something you wanted to tell me before Juliana showed up. I mean, whatever it is, you know you can tell me, right?”

She smiled—a reassuring, gentle thing that Kitty wasn’t sure she even deserved.

“I know that,” she answered, trying to insert some confidence into the words. Kitty carefully avoided Yuri’s eyes. “I just wanted to thank you for being my friend. We got off to a bad start, but I’m glad we worked through that. I wouldn’t have survived my first year here without you.”

Yuri smiled even brighter at that. “I wouldn’t have made it through last year without you either.”

Kitty blatantly ignored the somersaults in her stomach and mirrored Yuri’s smile. “That was all I wanted to say.”

“Are you sure?” Yuri asked once again, tilting her head to capture Kitty’s gaze.

“I am,” she repeated, without an ounce of conviction.

Yuri nodded but didn’t seem to believe her. Kitty tracked her every movement as she stepped closer, the ends of her loose hair tickling Kitty’s arm.

“Let me tell you what I remember about that day, then. I remember you telling me you thought you knew everything there was to know about love when you came to KISS,” she recited, “until you met me.”

Kitty swallowed dryly. That was not the conversation she had prepared herself to have. A part of her—however foolish—believed they could brush past her near confession and pretend nothing had changed.

But this was Yuri—brilliant, sharp, gentle Yuri who knew her. Of course, she had noticed something was off. She wanted Kitty to have the guts to tell her the truth, especially when they had so much trouble for the lack of it in the first place.

“Yuri,” Kitty started, but the other girl shook her head.

“I remember it because I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said,” Yuri continued, “and you need to let me tell you this before I lose my courage.”

Kitty stopped trying to talk. In fact, she couldn’t have said a word if she wanted to. Not when Yuri was looking at her like that, as if she were seeing something precious in the lines of her face.

“I asked my mom to let you come back. I pissed Juliana off with my obsession to make you stay here.”

“You… You asked her? For me?” Kitty repeated Yuri’s words, despite the fact she had been told not to already.

She had thought for a moment—back when the principal called her with the news—that maybe Yuri had been behind it, but ultimately assumed it was all wishful thinking.

But if Yuri had done that, if she had helped Kitty, then why hadn’t she called or texted? God, Kitty would have been happy with an Instagram DM, even.

“I did. I told you this before, Kitty,” Yuri continued. “I can’t lose you now.”

“I can’t lose you either,” Kitty repeated herself, because that had never changed, not through the confused feelings she harbored for Yuri during her relationship with Dae or after it ended and her loneliness took over.

“But I need you to be honest with me right now. I need you to tell me what you wanted to say that day, and I need to know if I’m too late to hear it.”

Yuri’s hands twisted nervously on the hem of her shirt, causing the fabric to wrinkle all over.

Kitty didn’t want to hold on to hope that proved itself false later on, but her mind was racing through Yuri’s words, her heart wild and alive against her ribcages.

“I don’t… I don’t think I should. I don’t think we should be talking about this, not when you’re with Juliana,” Kitty said, because, as stupidly in love as she was, she would not do that. She would not let others get hurt by the consequences of her own actions, not again.

Yuri took Kitty’s hand on hers, and all words flew off her mind. “I’m not with Juliana anymore,” she said, her voice firm. “We broke up about two months ago.”

Kitty blinked, then stared from Yuri’s hand around her own and back to her face. “What? Why?”

Yuri laughed again—that godforsaken laugh that could break through any of Kitty’s defenses. “Can’t you see it, Kitty?”

She shook her head, incapable of speaking.

“I was confused and a bit of a mess. We tried to make it work, but… My heart wasn’t in it anymore,” Yuri told her, fingers trembling as they grabbed onto Kitty. “Juliana could tell too. I was happy she was back home and that her parents weren’t forcing her to live in another country, but the whole time we spent together since she came back, I kept missing you.”

Kitty heard her own breath catch. She felt her knees buckling and expectation simmering underneath her skin where Yuri was touching her. She knew she wasn’t imagining things—not anymore—and yet none of it seemed real.

“I felt awful, and I knew I couldn’t do that to her. She deserved better, and I couldn’t give it to her. I guess she also knew, deep down, that what we felt for each other wasn’t the same anymore. Still, I just needed some time to process that. I… I wanted to tell you about all of this and what I was feeling, but it wouldn’t have been fair. I needed to be sure of what was happening first. That’s why I didn’t reach out to you.”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me,” Kitty whispered, and Yuri shook her head immediately.

“I always want to talk to you,” she promised. “I came here today because of that. I wasn’t sure of what I wanted to do, even when I walked in. I got so scared of ending our friendship that I almost left without saying what I wanted to say.”

“Then I felt this fear right here when I was walking away.” Yuri brought their joined heads to her chest, pressing them over her heart.

“I just knew that giving up on you without even trying would be a lot worse than having to hear you say I’m too late.”

Kitty’s mouth opened and closed a few times, and still no words came.

“I’ll understand, though, if you’ve changed your mind. If you don’t feel like that anymore…”

Yuri’s voice was laced with pain, but she still tried to reassure her. It was the type of kindness she offered Kitty the day they met, and Yuri gave her a ride. It was the gentleness she kept hidden behind her sharp tongue and quick thinking.

It was all that made Kitty fall for her wrapped up around a few words, and how could she have changed her mind? In what world could she ever not feel this way about Yuri Han?

Yuri seemed to have come up with her own answers in the time it took Kitty to process what she shared. She loosened her hold of Kitty’s hand and slowly began to pull herself away.

Kitty held on.

Yuri’s eyes snapped to hers, and Kitty saw the tears on them—all the fear and joy and hope Kitty was feeling reflected right back at her.

Kitty kissed Yuri Han, and it was nothing like in her dreams.

Yuri’s mouth was warm and soft against her, and her hands pushed into her hips hard enough to send her scrambling backwards into a wall. Kitty felt every second of it—every twist of Yuri’s tongue against her own, every part of her body pressed into her—and the real thing was more exhilarating than her imagination could ever have conjured up.

“You’re so much better in real life,” Kitty said into Yuri’s mouth, and she chuckled.

“What?” Yuri questioned, and Kitty, for a moment, had forgotten they were not the same person, that their bodies were tangled up in one another, but their minds were still their own.

Of course, Yuri didn’t understand what she meant, but she didn’t need to. Kitty could tell her later—would tell her everything and anything she wanted to know.

For now, though, Kitty swallowed the question with her mouth on Yuri’s, her hands on her hair, and her nose pressed into Yuri’s perfect one.

[cutiewutiepatootie]

INTRO / REQUEST INFO:))))

I decided that I am confident enough in my writing to start writing my own fics so here’s a little bit about myself, what I will and won’t do, and the characters and fandoms I will write from. ENJOYYY

intro: Hello, my name is Emma and I’m a lesbian from the USA. A little bit about me is that I love resident evil, I love kpop and collecting kpop albums. I love twice, loona, childish Gambino, laufey, and a lot more!!…like seriously…I like way more artists than that. Not only do I enjoy to write but I also have a very deep passion for art (although I do get mad when my art doesn’t run out how envisioned it in my head…😣). That’s enough about me let’s get on to my info for fics

for fics I really won’t do multi chapter five as I just don’t have the time for it. I mostly enjoy doing drabbles, head cannons, and fics that are sort of lengthy if it’s a prompt I like.

what I 100% will write: fluffy stuff, angst, serious topics (as long as they aren’t too icky but if it’s like let’s say just for example somebody requests the reader/character has problems with their body image I will do that),character x character (depends if I like the ship or not tbh… but I probably will in most cases), wlw, afab reader(x reader is mostly what I’m specializing in🙏), and really anything unless it’s not on my ‘what I won’t write’ list but if you request something that has a certain prompt/though that isn’t on any of these lists but I don’t like it, just remember I’m allowed to freely decline;)

what I 100% won’t write: pregnancy (sorry….), smut, HEAVY angst, anything like at all that has to do with body fluids that aren’t blood (I know this one mostly dabbles into the smut topic but the people on this app seriously can have some peculiar ideas so I just felt the need to incorporate it🤷‍♀️), amab reader, trans reader (I know this can be taken the wrong way but I’m a fully cis person so if I were to write a trans character or reader the amount of times I’d probably say something that doesn’t make sense for the person being trans would get me deleted off the surface of the earth out of embarrassment 🧍‍♀️), mlm(again, can be taken wrongly, but I really just want to do wlw stuff😣😭), mlw (again, I really only want to do wlw stuff please don’t come for me…),any sort on non-con (I know it’s a serious topic and it also dabbles into the whole smut thing…which it really shouldn’t…that’s just like one of the only serious things that I’m not comfortable with writing)

Ok the moment you have been waiting for…what characters I right for!!

resident evil

Helena harper

Ada Wong

Claire Redfield

Jill Valentine

Ashley Graham

Sheva Alomar

valorant

Jett

Killjoy

Sage

Neon

Skye

Fade

deadlock

Other

Lara Croft

Samantha Nishimura

Ellie Williams

My inbox is fully open for requests and I currently have no ideas for fics so do what you can with that my lovelies <3

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

Leon x ships (and why I don’t support anything other than aeon)

THIS IS MY OPINION, you are free to ignore this. But these are my particular reasonings as to why I do not enjoy the other ships for Leon and why I find them incredibly problematic. 

❤️ Aeon (Leon x Ada) 

I started this blog because I fell in love with the ship. It has the right amount of hurt/comfort that I was desiring at the time, and when I really broke down all the intricacies of the ship, I couldn’t get over it. 

To get things as crystal clear as possible. MOST AEON shippers do not think that aeon is a healthy relationship. It’s very much a push and pull of two people that realistically shouldn’t be together but find each other in each other’s lives. 20 years were spent to work through this “relationship.” (think batman and catwoman)

re2 we have the meeting. The way they gravitate towards each other, but the way that Leon changes Ada. Only when she realizes that he’s simply a good person wanting to do the good thing, she struggled to finish what she needed to do. Which was HER JOB. It’s not too far to say that she WOULD’VE maybe been killed if she didn’t complete her job. She’s not in a safe position. People don’t realize that. When Ada “dies,” a part of Leon dies with him. 

re4 we have another meeting. Leon’s hurt. He’s confused and all of sudden Ada is alive again. He had years of mental anguish and survivors guilt. He holds a lot of resentment towards her. And yet Ada still finds the desire and need to want to protect him. She protects him during her entire campaign. (Play Separate ways before speaking to me..) and at the end, he lets her go with the virus. He doesn’t want this to happen but he can’t stop her. They leave each other in less that desirable circumstances. But he still doesn’t stop her.

off screen re5 we have simply, “the night,” they spend together. Romantic, maybe in a hotel. How we go from re4 to this is never expanded on and since it’s off screen, we’re only here to speculate on what could’ve happened. (They had sex) which is implied in-

re damnation “the sexy one.” a film in which they simply flirt with each other the entire time. The “so when are we going to um, carry on from where we left off that night?”

“So you missed me huh?” Even in this film, we have Ada saving Leon AGAIN. “You owe me one,” before she’s off again.

we have to remember that between re4 and damnation there’s SEVERAL YEARS for them to have potential other meetings that are simply not explored on screen.

more time passes and we have re6 “the aeon fanservice one.” I won’t go into too much detail for this one, but re6 aeon is still superior to me. we have established a sexual relationship at this point, we don’t know if they’ve explored more, and yet Leon’s willing to jump off a burning building the second he see’s Ada needing help? This is the Leon we know. Also they just have each other’s contacts at this point?? They leave again and this is the final time we see them together in the franchise. 

“See you down the road, Leon.”

❌ cleon (Leon x Claire)

Now to be completely honest. I DON’T HATE THE SHIP. I think it’s a delusional one, but the main reason I dislike the ship a lot, is actually because of the shippers. It’s a constant, “claire better,” fight. (I don’t have to say that Claire is a shitty character for me to not ship them etc. which seems to be the core of what cl*on shippers do, which is *drumroll* shit on Ada.)

And I find that most of these shippers are younger, white, and conservative and or naive. And also tend to lack in their abilities to read characterizations and understanding the complexities of morality. 

The shippers have lowkey ruined the character of Claire for me. And I always thought she was a cute character. Not my favourite, but she’s fine. I just never thought of her characterization or storyline to be particularly interesting. But what I do find interesting to me that most Leon x Reader fics simply have a character similar to Claire written in as reader instead.

The idea of two morally good characters together is simply not as interesting to me. It’s always been like this. They are not pulled to each other in a sexual or romantic way which is why I mostly think the ship is delusional. There are SEVERAL instances of this.

Claire does flirt with Leon briefly in re2r. However it’s very clear on Leon’s side that he does not read it as flirting. He barely spends any time with her, and at the end of it, Claire suggests that it “would’ve been one hell of a date,” not knowing that Leon spent more time with Ada for the entire duration of re2r. 

I don’t count degeneration since there’s a weird moment with Angela which I also don’t really count since she’s never heard of again. 

The only other time is infinite darkness. In which Leon refers to her as “a kid.” And that he doesn’t see her “as a woman.” OR to put it more clearly, he does not see her as a love interest. Not to mention the one scene cleon stans cream themselves over, in which Claire falls on top of Leon, where she’s like visibly disgusted. 

And to put the cherry on top, at the end of infinite darkness, they are no longer on speaking terms, and or no longer friends from what we can see. I’ll give cleon shippers one thing. They had a potential moment. “A dinner,” that could’ve happened and yet Claire and Leon both do not see eye to eye. They disagree morally (which is actually interesting) and so they separate. And as for the timeline now, they are no longer friends.

One final note, is that I find cleon shippers INCREDIBLY racist and misogynistic. OBVIOUSLY NOT ALL OF THEM. But all men, until it’s not all men. A large portion of cleon shippers use Ada is a scapegoat for their ship. Painting Ada as a sexual, manipulative, con woman that “steals,” Leon away from Claire. It’s so laughable when Leon was never Claire’s. 

When you have to resort to pinning women against other women, then I just simply do not care to interact with that. 

I also find the whole “caring mother figure,” to be incredibly gross. It’s the same kind of incel talk that guys use to declare what is desirable in a woman. That if you’re not good at being a mother, caring, nurturing etc. Then you’re just NOT DESIRABLE. That being a “pure, wholesome, good girl” is the only reason why you deserve a man, is something YOU need to work out on your own. Maybe do some soul searching on why you think that’s the only reason why you deserve love. 

❌  Leon x Ashley

Similarly, Leon speaks of Ashley as “a young girl,” or a “kid.” “Is this what they’re teaching kids these days?” He does not see her as a love interest. Sure, Ashley does flirt with him a lot. Who wouldn’t?

But at the end of the day, Ashley is a 21 year old girl in university. Still figuring out her life and what she wants. While Leon is a 27 year old trained special agent, whose boss is Ashley’s FATHER. Sure you can get into that fantasy all you want. I totally get that and I’ve been into that ship before. And as you age, oh boy does that ship dynamic not age well. 

There are huge age gap and dynamics that will not work. And I totally get people wanting that type of ship. But it’s REALLY GROSS FOR ME. 

But again, Leon turns her down multiple times, and rejects her as well. Ashley is also no longer seen in the canon.

❌  Leon x Helena

NOW BEFORE PEOPLE SAY ANYTHING. I ACTUALLY DON’T HATE THE SHIP. It’s when it comes down to the fact they have a 12 year age gap that makes me a bit barfy. But furthermore that Helena is younger than SHERRY.

Now if I were to exclude the age gap, I think that they’re VERY HOT. I really enjoy Helena’s character model and them in re6 is SO FUCKING FINE. BUT yup, I can’t get over that age gap. But one of the main issues is that Helena is also canonically an aeon shipper. Which I kind of find adorable? It definitely adds to the aeon storyline in re6.

Helena being 24, while at this point Leon is 36-37. And during re6, Sherry is 26-27. And KEEP IN MIND. When Leon met Sherry, he was 21 and SHE WAS 12.

So when Leon was 21, Helena would’ve been 9 YEARS OLD.

And I won’t even justify Leon x Sherry because

When Leon met Sherry, he was 21 and SHE WAS 12.

And all other ships I honestly do not care for or think are fine.

I’m also supportive of Chreon, metaltango, serrenndy. I read them occasionally but I’m just not that personally emotionally invested in them. I find them cute, and I support people who want to write lgbtq ships. Also chreon shippers are typically also Aeon shippers and I find they mingle well together in the same spaces sometimes.

[aphrogeneias]

nine people i'd like to get to know

thank you, baby @strangerstilinski <3 loved the new questions!

what "old person" things do you do? go to bed early on (most) weekends, do newspaper crosswords religiously

last three books (or fics) you've read: ghosts by dolly alderton, the seven year slip by ashley poston and cover story by susan rigetti, i am currently reading talking at night by claire daverney

at a movie theater, which arm rest is yours? the left one, i keep my drink on the right one, but i don't think this counts much because most of the time i go to the movies, i go alone so? doesn't matter much where i put my arm? lmao

vintage or new? new because there's no good thrift shops in my area and the online ones usually charge very abusive prices for people who claim to care, but honestly i don't buy clothes a lot and when i do i wear until i can't anymore

favorite part of your daily routine: hanging out with my dog in the mornings

are you scared of the dark? no, have never been

marry/cuddle/sleep (like, actual sleeping): aly gave me the trio steve, canon!eddie and rockstar!eddie to choose from — i'll marry rockstar!eddie and be his sharon, cuddle steve and sleep with canon!eddie because that boy needs a good night of sleep

candles, essential oils or incense? incense! i'm always lighting incense, not just for cleasing purposes but i really love the smell too

favorite lyrics right now: not to bring the mood down but the depresso made me not really listen to a lot of music lately 😁

random fact/story you want to share about yourself: i have a really good memory for dreams and i can remember a lot dreams i had as a child, when i was around 4 or 5, in vivid detail, including some lucid dreams i had around that same age. i keep a dream journal just in case but most of the time i don't need it. if you ask me what i had for lunch yesterday, though? no fucking clue.

tagging: @intrepidacious @justsheerfilth1 @thornsnvultures @raccoonboywrites @onegirlmanytales @rebelfell @urhoneycombwitch @dataknife @paybacksawitch ❣️

[walkinginland]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

very kindly tagged by @freneticfloetry and @three-drink-amy. thanks, friends!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

20! Three of those are drabble compilations, how I keep my 100-word drabbles organized for different fandoms, but I'm counting them 😂

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

35,104. I don't know how to write long lmao.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Most of my fics (15 of them to be exact, as well as the main longer fic I'm writing atm) are for Outlander, but I've written for a total of 5 fandoms, and hop between them at different times. In addition to Outlander, I have fics/drabbles for The Song of Achilles, The Last Binding Trilogy, 911, and 911: Lone Star.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

To Heart and Home (Outlander, multichap, canon divergent) - by farrrrr, which makes sense, as it's my only multichap

Foundations (Outlander, one shot, canon compliant)

return my fists to fingers (The Last Binding, one shot, canon compliant)(i need more of yall to read these books and write fic for them. i need it)

Sunlight (The Song of Achilles, one shot, canon compliant)

Grievances Raised (Outlander, one shot, modern au)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I don't post often enough that I get an overwhelming amount of comments or anything, so it's not a huge burden to reply to them all. I just am continually baffled by people reading what I write, it genuinely blows my mind.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmmmmm. a lot of what I write is pretty angsty, but I love finding and weaving out the thread of hope that lives in those broken places. That said, does heaven have enough angels yet is pretty rough. It's a canon compliant little snippet from the pov of a stillborn infant so like...... she's sad. there's still hope tho! always still hope.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ooo probably the fluffiest happy fic I have is All the Colors in the Rainbow! It ends with all the Frasers going off to Pride, and it makes me hella happy.

The happiest fic story-wise is probably To Heart and Home, just because it fixes The Main Fuckening that happens in Outlander and brings that family back together earlier.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

*knocks on wood* i haven't yet!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I don't, I'm not brave enough. The closest I came to it was with Grievances Raised, wherein Claire pegs the brains out of her husband, but I only wrote the aftermath.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't done one yet!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of 🤞🏻

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so? I feel like I remember someone asking me to translate To Heart and Home a few years ago, but I don't know if anything ever came of it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't! I feel like I would be the worst co-writer lol, I am farrrr too slow.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

to write? idk, probably Jamie and Claire? I just feel like I know them, inside and out. I don't have to look for their voices, they're right there.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh god, so many outlander ones lmao.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I am really good at matching the tone of the source material! Once I get the voice of the characters/narration/general story style, I feel like I can reproduce the general vibes of canon. I think that's why I sometimes have an easier time with writing fic from stories in the form of books - there's a written tone I can internalize. And consequently, why I've had a harder time with nailing a voice for 911 or Lone Star, even though I do want to eventually write fic for those shows.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and plot! I write Vibes™, but I don't know how to write actual Stories. I would love to be that writer who could crank out a whole story with a plot and shit, because I love that type of fic with my whole self, but my brain just functions in vibes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I am a Coward about it. I've written a fair amount of Gàidhlig into my Outlander fics, especially in To Heart and Home, and honestly I think I've done a pretty good job with it. I spent a lot of time researching the language, up to and including researching grammar structures and taking duolingo lessons at the beginning of the pandemic for a few months. I've forgotten most of it now though, despite duolingo being extremely persistent with its reminders lmao.

However.

If I were to write for 911 and Lone Star like I would like to, I would like to include some Spanish into those stories (especially with Lone Star), and I just don't think I would do it justice. I failed Spanish miserably in high school, and haven't taken a stab at it since. If I include it I want to do it well and respectfully, ya know? I'm bilingual (just not with Spanish lol) and an interpreter, and I think that has brought with it a better understanding of just how complicated language is, and how easy it is to fuck it up when you don't know what you're doing. And as a very white person, I also don't want to act like I know fuck-all about a non-white language and culture when I don't.

Sooooo, I'm a coward about it atm. Hoping to get better eventually though!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Outlander! Never ever thought I would write fic, didn't think I was "allowed." Hadn't ever written anything creatively before (in english at least), so it was a big jump for me. this makes it sound like english is my second language, when really it's just that the first time that anyone made me write creatively was in my deaf lit class

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh god this changes all the time. At the moment I've feeling very tender towards into the empty parts of me. It's a really tragic part of canon, but just gorgeous character potential. I loved how gentle this turned out, how John and Claire had a moment of healing in the middle of their tragedy.

But also I think that the fic I'm writing right now is gonna turn out to be my favorite ❤ once I get the writing juices flowing again for one last section 🤞🏻

I'm not sure who all has done this already, but no pressure tagging @liminalmemories21, @flyinghome-againstthewind, @theawkwardterrier, @homerforsure, @paperstorm

[darkhorse-javert]

Anthony 'Tonk-Tonk’ Roberts (Blind Dates OC)

This might be a bit of a cheat @blind-dates-fest (?), as I have written about this character before, and in passing in some of my fic. But here's another whole peice from his perspective.

Late Summer 1945 France

The flat land is plain and simple, smooth fields, distinguised from from England by the beautifully lined trees on some of the roads, otherwise it isn't really that different. Strange how feral and dangerous it had been only two years ago. Music reaches his ears and he realises he's humming again, very softly. Clair de Lune. Well, safer than La Marseillaise used to be, or God forbid, one of the favoured songs from the Mess. How often in the blind terror of needing to be quiet, had those got stuck in his head, and he'd had to swallow them back.

A wall rises in front of them, and the bus draws up. The conductor stands and calls out clearly, "Nouvion, Messieurs and Mesdames, Nouvion."

It's a sudden shock, the word pronounced so clearly, in the French accent. He climbes to his feet and pulls down the haversack, joining the exodus down the centre aisle. He climbs down the steps and stills. I'm here

A French bark of annoyance behind him and an elbow jolts him forwards, so he stumble walks through the arch. this time he stops with his back to the town wall.

It's all here, exactly the same as it had been. The fountain, the spindly trees- those look better than he remembers actually - the shops, that shabby little blue awning over the cafe, even the cobbles have barely changed.

No, there's one different thing. He crosses the square to the statue set in the dip in the wall. It is Him, the cafe owner, as to the very life, even holding out a menu.

'E is Msuir Rene" a woman's voice says in heavily accented English "E 'Nighthawk' in La Resistance in La Guerre. 'E very brave."

"Yes He helped me in the War." He tries to say in French, knows it comes out garbled, more broken than he wants. He can at least ask. Monsieur Rene, is he alive?" He's had one of the exiles drill that question into his head, the sylabelles rote.

The woman nods and waves to the building they are next to "Yes, yes "'E iz alive. 'e run the Café."

He turns with her guesture. The painted name is proud on the front. Café Réné. Here at last.

He bows slightly to the woman "Merci, Madame." Now if i remember, he weaves through the little tables and their woven chairs, then pushes open the door.

The bell clatters it's warning as he steps inside,and the black and white back of the broad man behind the bar turned, revealing Monsuir Rene in his long plainfaced, slightly portly way. Still the same

"Good Afternoon"- the man called in French "You would like a table?"

These phrases he knows easily, knows through the repetition of the months living here, and hearing them day in day out. Even if they are now spoken more quickly -the speed of full french, not dragged out for his or the German's benefit.

His mouth is dry, as if he's been chewing leftover ship-biscuit, "Msuir - je suis un aviator." Was it un?, he racked his mind, it would have to do "un Pilote British." He tapped his chest, waved back towards Rene In La guerre vous-" Oh, what the sod was 'help' in French? he pointed to himself, then the floor "moi hide ici. Je suis RAF. je suis Anthony Roberts."

Monsuer Rene was frowning in concentration as he listened, then his face lit up with a slightly too wide smile. "You (something) here, Welcome, Welcome, Good very good." The man is keeping his French very simple.

"Thank you, Monsieur. Thank You." It's all he can manage suddenly, to repete the words with great fervour, as if that is really enough. They could have been shot for hiding me.

And there's one of the waitresses, the taller dark-haired one he remembers, comes trotting up "What is your name?" she asks in good English "zere were many pilots here."

"Je suis Robert Je suis- he flutters his fingers in the air, at which they both look blank. The piano is still there, he strides over to it, flipping the cover, even as they rush, probably to try and stop him.

Those were the notes. Bent over he begins to play, one of the lead pieces from the Madame's Caberet evenings. He looks over his shoulder towards them, and there is dawning understanding and recognition. He

"Rober, Rober." Yvette claps her hands, "Welcome back."

He grins, sits down and morphs the tune into La Marseillaise. how many times had he wanted to do that, but hadn't dared. Now I can.

[itsaash]

unsatisfyingly satisfying: part 3/3

Today, for @noots-fic-fests, the final installment in this series, rated E and it's pure Coops, characterizations by @lumosinlove. THANK YOU for any and all support of this lil fic which it turns out means rather a lot to me. part 1 (reading here let's you get the jist, while avoiding the E parts of sirius/OFC) part 2 or all of it on ao3 here

Sirius and Remus got through the rest of their evening without being asked for any selfies or autographs, and managed to not run into any more exes. Ordering room service to the room may have helped avoid this. 

“How did it happen anyways?”

Sirius looked up from behind his burger. They were sitting on the floor of their hotel room, eating, tv on in the background.

“Quoi?”

“How did you end up in bed with Rebecca? I’ve never found myself in that situation. Always knew I wasn’t up for it.” Remus shrugged. “We don’t have to talk about it, but I have to admit I’m still thinking about it.”

“Thinking about it like you want to invite them over, or thinking about it like you’re jealous?” Sirius quipped. 

“Neither, asshole,” Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to understand the wilds that were your mind back then.” 

“I don’t even know, Re,” Sirius sighed. He popped the last bit of burger into his mouth and chewed while he looked up at the beige ceiling, thinking. “I could hardly think in a straight line back then, I was so tied up in knots. Lots of guilt and pressure and shame and so so many ‘shoulds.’” 

Remus nodded. “You thought you should like women. Like Claire said, the comphet comes for all of us at some point.”

Sirius nodded. He draped an arm over one bent knee and Remus reached out and held his dangling fingers gently as Sirius spoke. “That was definitely part of it. Just pressing down the thoughts I had about guys until they were as small as possible. Doing mental gymnastics to explain them away. I really thought I just needed to find the right girl, and for an evening I thought Rebecca might be that, so that was part of what got us into the room, I think.”

“I’m sorry the world told you you needed to do that, baby,” Remus said gently. 

Sirius quirked half a smile at him. “Well, I got there eventually, dieu merci.”

“Oui,” Remus smiled back. “Fuckin eventually. ” He dropped his head backwards and sighed. “And, ok, I am a bit jealous.” Sirius barked out a laugh. “Really? Pourquoi? Tu es l’amour de ma vie… you know that, right?” he said, trailing his fingertips up Remus’ forearm. 

“Toi aussi, baby. I love you so much. But … it really sucked watching you with girls all those years. And I had no claim on you then, but, still.”

“I get it. If you had had a boyfriend I would’ve hated that.” Remus snorted. “You would have been so mean to him. Captain stares across nachos. RBF over fries.” “Definitely,” Sirius agreed. He scooted over to sit beside Remus, both their backs resting back against the bed. He wrapped his arm around Remus’ shoulders and pulled him in towards his side. “I’ll tell you anything you want, if that helps. It was very not great.” “It seems Rebecca would disagree on that.” Sirius scrubbed a hand over his face. “I honestly was surprised she said that. I guess focusing on her, or any of the girls, was a way to not focus on what I was feeling. Or not feeling.”

Remus just nodded, his head tucked into the warmth of Sirius’ shoulder. 

“Tell me a bit about the night? Maybe if I do know about it, I’ll stop thinking about it.”

Sirius nodded and took a moment to remember. “We spent a lot of time in the hotel bar with James. Playing pool, talking, having fun. Having James there absolutely was part of the reason I got comfortable with her. It was an annoying weekend of photo shoots and interviews. There were some drinks. I think there was juggling?”

“Juggling? Juggling what ?” Remus laughed. 

“Random things. Coasters, probably a shoe.” Remus laughed, picturing it. “And I’m sure you were the best at all of that and won her right over with your skill.” “No way, she beat me at pool and juggling. But I beat Pots, so that was ok.” Remus turned to look at him. “Really? She was better than you?” “At juggling?” Sirius gave Remus a funny look. “Yeah.”

Remus stood up, going for the suitcase. “Let’s see it.” “What?” Sirius laughed. 

“Your juggling. You didn’t even have to be amazing at it for her to want you? I want to see how you look when you’re juggling.”

Sirius shook his head, but stood and cleared away the tray with their plates on it. Remus gathered enough balls of socks and gave three to Sirius while he started to toss his own. He tossed two in one hand, then the other, looking at Sirius the whole time. Sirius rolled his eyes. 

“Of course you’re already good at this.”

“Julian and I would do this together!” Remus laughed. “So let’s see you, Cap.”

Sirius tossed one sock up and immediately dropped the other two. 

And again. And again. His socks ended up on the floor as Remus watched with a smirk on his lips. 

“Tabarnak .”

“Impressive pick up technique, I can see clearly why this worked so well,” Remus deadpanned.

“I think it was more than my juggling. ” Sirius said, keeping his eyes on the socks. 

“I’m sure it was. Maybe you turned around when you picked up the socks so you could show off Canada’s ass? Or did you add in a bend and snap?”

“Fuck you.”

After a few minutes he started to get the rhythm, the toss up, pass over, knew which sock to watch at what time. Remus juggled his socks easily, and Sirius caught his three in his hands after a few successful rounds around.

“You win, you win. But I can do it now at least.”

“Not bad baby. Quick study, like always.” Remus tossed his socks neatly into the suitcase. “What happened next?”

A lump rose is Sirius’ throat at the heat behind Remus’ words. 

“Are you sure you’re only a little jealous?” Sirius said quietly, pushing. “That someone else had their hands on me?” Remus closed the distance between them in two quick strides and had Sirius’ jaw in his hands and their lips crashing together before Sirius could feel satisfaction at having successfully riled up his husband. Remus pushed him backwards until Sirius’ back hit a wall, and he spread his feet apart to bring their lips to the same level. Remus kept his hands cupping Sirius’ jaw the whole time they kissed, tongues diving in and out of each other’s mouths. 

“This actually is what happened next,” Sirius murmured, heart beating fast. 

“Yeah?” Remus breathed into his mouth. 

“Yeah. Except I was tense and overthinking every movement of my lips, instead of turned on. And it was against the door, not a wall.”

Remus broke away just long enough to turn them and guide Sirius against the door, pressing him into it with a thunk. He clicked off the overhead lights while he was at it, and plunged back into the kiss. 

“Mine,” Remus said, hardly louder than a breath. A tingle travelled up Sirius’ spine and he moaned into the kiss. 

“For always,” Sirius agreed. Remus moved onto Sirius’ neck and collarbones, biting and sucking in a way that Sirius knew would leave marks and he loved that almost as much as the overwhelming feeling of Remus’ lips on his neck.

“What next?” Remus asked. Sirius shook his head to bring himself back to the world of coherent speech.  

“Um, she knelt down and kissed my stomach.” Remus felt Sirius tighten up and he stopped sucking a mark into his collarbone, instead drew Sirius’ earlobe into his mouth and whispered, “was that a bad thing?”

“Non, no, not bad. I just never let myself have that, before? It felt too easy and like too much to ask and I was very concerned about what they’d tell their friends.”

“That makes sense, baby.” Remus turned pressing Sirius into the door into more of a hug than a makeout position and Sirius relaxed in his arms. “And the piece of me that apparently is territorial of you is extremely glad I got to be your first.”

Remus bent one graceful leg underneath himself, lowered to one knee, and then the other. He trailed his hands down Sirius’ sides and belly, fingertips light over his abs. He ran his hands up and under Sirius’ shirt, hooked them into the tops of his pants as he kissed Sirius’ stomach. 

“Not to get caught up in the details of this admittedly strange role play, but can I actually suck you?”

Sirius’ breath caught and he let out a little gasp as Remus’ fingertips trailed over his zipper. “Yeah, Re, yeah, you can.”

So he did.

Sirius let his head rest back against the door, let himself just feel . Feel the pleasure building, the way that wet heat could make his brain turn off, thoughts didn’t need to spin around his mind when he was in Remus’ mouth. He looked down then, threading a hand through Remus’ hair, taking in the sight of Remus with his eyes closed, working so hard for him, lips spread. Sirius knew he would be consciously relaxing his throat, breathing in time with his thrusts, all that effort for Sirius, just for Sirius to feel good. And it felt so good.

“Yes, mon loup,” Sirius said, voice low. “That’s so good. Do you feel good?” he asked.

Remus opened his eyes at that and looked up and Sirius’ heart skipped a beat at the view, an even more clear image of his cock pressing into Remus mouth. Remus moved back until the tip was just resting on his bottom lip.

“Mmmhmm, so good baby, you feel amazing,”

Sirius groaned and thrust forwards and Remus received him eagerly, still looking up at him. Sirius tugged his hair just a bit more, both hands now, pushing his hips forwards and back, heat building in his gut and up his spine. He made himself stop, mostly threw himself back into the door while keeping his hands in Remus’ hair to keep him away. Remus reached forward with his mouth, still in the rhythm they had been building, but Sirius held him back, gasping. 

“Are we keeping this going? You want to know what happened next?” Sirius panted. “Or are you satisfied that it’s only you I want?”

Remus smirked up at him. “Yeah? You only want my mouth?”

Sirius groaned. “ Fuck , Remus,” he hauled him up for a deep and dirty kiss. “Yes, of course I only want you. Je t’aime à la folie,” he said between kisses, “tu es mon âme sœur, my soulmate , Remus, it's you.”

“Je t’aime à la folie aussi,” Remus said, more slowly, but with just as much feeling and truth behind it as Sirius had. Sirius smiled at Remus speaking French and at Remus’ red lips, swollen from kissing, and just at Remus. “But, I do want to keep going. It’s… kind of fun? To pretend we’re having a hotel hookup? Except I actually really love you? And some territorial part of me does want to touch every part of you anyone else did,” he trailed his fingertips along Sirius’ jaw. “Claim every part of you.” “You have me.”

“I know. What’s next?”

Sirius walked him backwards to the bed, halfway giddy at the intersection of memories. At the wish that he could show his past self the future, this future, of his beautiful husband in his arms, stripping his shirt off and tracing hard lines of muscles. Height and build smaller than him, but not by much. Remus had shown him time and time again that he could manhandle Sirius just fine. But tonight, Sirius was overcome by the desire to claim this present. To claim his desire for sex and make it his own, to claim his husband for the sake of his past self who had hardly been able to place even the smallest stake in want. He had feared every want, afraid a blowjob would make him an asshole. Afraid his teammates would somehow know if he had ass sex and they’d hate him for it.  Afraid that if he let his gaze linger on a man, or pulled one aside at a bar, that he’d be immediately kicked out of hockey. 

But then Remus had been before him and said, for me, it’d be worth it, and now Remus was under his lips, as Sirius attacked his neck and jaw with love, so so thankful that they had plunged into this together. They fumbled with each other’s pants until they dropped to the floor and they held onto each other as they each stepped out of their clothes. Sirius whispered a jump and then Remus’ ass was cupped in his palms and their lips were entangled in a deep kiss. Sirius loved how he had to work a bit to hold Remus, it wasn’t hard but it wasn’t easy. Nothing in life that was worth doing was easy and Remus was worth every effort and Sirius was happy to expend the effort. He plunged his tongue deeper, licked across the top of Remus’ mouth. Remus moaned and moved his hips in response and Sirius wanted . 

He tossed Remus onto the bed and the mattress bounced impressively. Sirius was on top of him not a second later, moaning into the kiss when Remus wrapped his legs around his hips. They kissed and moved for awhile, just enjoying each other, the heat of desire pooling in his belly but not growing. 

“Was she a good kisser?” Remus asked, panting slightly.

Sirius couldn’t help but laugh. “Re, mon coeur, I have no idea.” He peppered kisses along Remus’ jaw, which was just slightly rough. “I was so in my head I wouldn’t have known a good kisser if they had jumped up and bit me.” Remus laughed and turned his head to take Sirius’ earlobe into his teeth and bite. “We were laying just like this, you on top of me, the first time we kissed,” Remus murmured into Sirius’ ear. 

Sirius’ eyes tingled with the promise of tears at the thought. Something about seeing Rebecca again made the past and present overlap tonight, like he could feel both at the same time. How scared he had been to kiss Remus that night, but how hopeful making a different wish on his birthday candles had made him. “Best kiss of my life,” Sirius replied. 

“Me too.” They gazed into each other's eyes for a long moment, then Sirius sighed and pushed himself up. He found his phone and scrolled for their shared sex playlist. The one that if they got a notification the other had added a song they knew they’d be on each other the moment they were behind a closed door. Sirius smiled to himself at this small intimacy and tracked down the lube and a towel. Remus continued speaking. “Even if I was more than a bit in shock that it was happening at all.” He was trailing his fingertip across his stomach as he watched Sirius moving around the room. “I remember the feel of your thigh between my legs and that felt so good, just that. That’s something I have to agree with Rebecca on, you’ve always been stupidly good in bed, from the first time.” Sirius brought the bottle back to bed, shaking his head. 

“Me? Mon loup, you. Only you. It was only for you that I've ever been good for. Only you that made me so hard and desperate I have to clutch you to me and chase it.” 

Remus’ cheeks were pink, from the kissing, from the memory. Sirius pressed kisses to each of his cheeks, slicked his fingers from the pump bottle and trailed them along Remus’ ass. Remus quivered beneath him, dropping his head back, and here, with one hand cupping his husband’s beautiful face, and two fingers tracing the soft skin inside him, Sirius felt fully himself. Remus always made him feel like himself, but juxtaposing it with his past made it feel even more sharply perfect. A happiness sharp enough to cut him, but safe enough that he knew he could lean into it and feel nothing but love. It felt so good goosebumps erupted over his skin.

“You feel so good,” Sirius hummed into Remus’ ear. “Thank the fucking gods I met you in the bar today.” Happiness and love that were safe enough to play with. 

Remus locked eyes with him and the desire there sharpened into mischief. Sirius loved that look, the half smile that came over Remus’ mouth. “Thankfully you’re better at this than juggling, eh? I was worried there for a minute you wouldn’t be able to coordinate kissing and fingering at the same time.”

“Ohhh, fuck you,” Sirius laughed, and dove into a kiss, while spreading his fingers and pumping them in and out, making Remus gasp.

“Yes please,” he managed to say with still a hint of a smirk.

Sirius continued to show off his coordination by adding another finger and bringing his other hand down to Remus’ balls and rolling his own hips against Remus’ thigh and kissing him deeply. Remus was starting to go limp with pleasure below him, gasping and moaning into his kisses. Sirius didn’t break the kiss as he got more lube onto himself and got between Remus’ legs.

��Ready, handsome? You want a condom?” Sirius asked, not touching him now, just a hair's breadth away from joining them together, but having to take the moment to play. 

“Oh my fucking god Sirius, get into me,” Remus said, reaching for his hips. But at this angle he didn’t have the leverage to pull Sirius forwards when Sirius was holding himself back. 

“You sure? I’ll wear one. I’ve never fucked anyone else without a condom.” He still said it playfully, but gazed into Remus’ eyes, reminding him of the reality beneath their game. Remus was the one, the only.

“Me neither. I’m sure,” Remus said softly, and Sirius let himself be pulled forwards and they both gasped as he pressed into Remus. They hadn’t had a thought or mention of condoms in ages, but taking the time to remember why they didn’t need to, the contrast to the past, made the slide in feel all the better. Hot and wet and completely different than it had been with anyone else. Not that he'd had anyone else like this before, had never let himself ask. But now he was inside his beautiful husband whose body pulled him in deeper with each stroke, who met him thrust for thrust, who knew just how tightly to hold Sirius’ hair to make him moan. He could want and he could have . 

And so he had , they went through loverboy and shivers, and then loving is easy made Sirius throw his head back and laugh at the joy of being in love and being in the moment and being with his person. Remus looped a hand behind his neck and smiled into his mouth as they moved together. “You almost, uh, there baby?” he said into his mouth. “Is this the position you liked with…” Sirius smiled to himself. Remus didn’t even want to say anyone else’s name, didn’t want to invoke anyone else when they were like this, as close as two people could be. 

“I like you,” Sirius said nonsensically, pressing his lips into Remus’ cheeks as he huffed out breaths, pleasure starting to crest up his spine. He felt Remus shift though, felt his mouth open as if to ask a question. He stilled and took a deep breath to push the wave of release away, for now. 

“D’accord d’accord, no, beautiful man who I met today and yet am, for some reason, replaying a night from years ago with, this isn’t how we did it.” He leaned back just enough to let Remus’ leg that had been over his shoulder pass in front of him, and guided Remus to spin on his cock, lifting his hips up until he could get his knees under him. Sirius pressed back in fully, hard. Remus gasped at the new angle, the ability to speak coherent words quickly fucked out of him. Sirius draped his body heavily over Remus so he could speak right into his ear.

“I had to get her like this so I could pretend it was you.”

Remus threw his head back and gasped, panting with every deep, hard thrust Sirius gave him. Sirius stayed with his chest bent over Remus’ back, tall enough to still be able to move and hit the spot that made Remus see stars and yell. Sirius reveled in every noise he wrung out of him, loved the firm torso under his arms, loved the sharp nipples that he rolled under his fingers, loved this man . 

“Yes, Sirius, yes, I’m gonna …” Remus gasped out. “There, baby, more, yes,” his words flowed out of him in a breathy babble. With a loud, “I love you!” Remus was coming. 

The contrast washed over Sirius in a wave of emotion. How no matter who he was doing this with, he had wanted to please them, yet with Remus it was completely different. He wasn’t trying to check a box, he wasn’t overthinking or worrying or planning. He was tuned in to the movements and sounds of the man he loved, the person who loved him, and their love weaved between them as pleasure. Taking pleasure only for himself wouldn't even cross his mind. But following his lover over the edge of orgasm, that was as easy as breathing, as real as the pull Remus’ body had on Sirius’ cock, as natural as coming hard in response to the tightness of Remus’ body.

“Re, je t’aime!” Sirius gasped back, and bit down into Remus’ trap as his hips stuttered and the waves crested again for both of them. Remus pushed his hips back as the dredges of his second wave tingled down his spine, just as Sirius pressed forwards, and they collapsed together; Sirius deep inside, on top of and firmly inside Remus. And he never needed anything else. Nothing had crossed his mind through this whole evening other than the sensations that Remus’ body, Remus’ very being, could and did wring from him with every touch. 

Sirius couldn’t help but push forwards one more time, chasing any drop of that perfect feeling, and Remus gasped in oversensitivity, but also arched his back, meeting Sirius’ thrust. “Holy shit,” Remus eloquently muttered into the pillow sometime later. “How do you always make it so good? I felt like I was coming forever.” Sirius’ heart was near to bursting with pride and love. 

“It’s all you, love. Only you.”

Remus hummed in response and they stayed like that, Sirius pressing Remus down so completely into the mattress with his full body weight, but he knew Remus could take it, and he didn’t want to ever move. But when his English had returned he asked, “do you believe me now? That it’s only you? That it’s only you I’ve ever loved, ever felt like this? Other people maybe touched my body, but only you get my heart.”

Remus ducked his head against the sheets, cheeks red. “I always believed you, baby. I just also had some jealousy come over me for no good reason.” Sirius nuzzled his ear with a smile. “I’m not complaining, I’ll fuck you like that any time you want. If there’s anything from your past that you want to re-do with me, you just tell me when.”

Remus laughed and it reverberated through both of them. He turned his neck back to the side so they could rest their faces together. They knew if either of them moved, Sirius would slip out, so they stayed still, breathing each other in, the pounding of their hearts slowing.

“And it’s not just ‘cause you’re a guy,” Sirius said, apropos of nothing.

“Hmmm?” Remus hummed, eyes still closed. 

“Well obviously I like your body the way it is, I’m gay, but it’s not just that.” “Baby, what?” Remus laughed, opening his eyes. “You have me very convinced that you like my body, I know this.”

Sirius huffed a laugh and tried to say what he meant. “Ok, so I know I’m gay, and you’re hot, so of course I like your body. But even though you’re the only guy I’ve been with, I know it’s all of you. Even if I had hookups with other guys, there’s no one else that would have wanted me, and not ‘Gryffindor Lions center Sirius Black’.”

“I don’t think that’s true, baby, you’re so amazing. I’m sure other people would have realised that, if you had been able to let them in.”

“Ok, maybe, whatever, but I didn’t need to keep trying girls until I found the right one, and it wasn’t that I just needed a man. I needed you. I need you .”

“Oh baby,” Remus murmured, and finally turned in Sirius’ arms so they could be pressed chest to chest, their legs tangled and arms wrapped tight around each other. They traced light fingertips along the other’s back and sides, and both of them broke into goosebumps, shivering and melting into each other. 

“I need you too. You’re all I’ll ever need.”

Sirius hummed happily and tucked his face into Remus’ neck. Both of their eyes drifted closed and they rested in each other’s arms, satisfied. 

[sapphire-weapon]

what are your thoughts on the horniness and thirst around leon since the remake came out? and all of the content that comes with it (reader inserts, actual animated p0rn etc)? i saw some teens complaining that it was weird and 'ruining the fandom' - but i didn't really think anything of it since, yk, fandoms are gonna fandom, it is what it is (and it's leon so, it's not surprising).

i remember you mentioning that back in 2005, it was very hard for RE fans to talk abt leon outside of his relationship to ada, so i was also wondering how the fandom dealt with general leon-induced horniness back in the day

oh, this might be my favorite ask I've gotten in a while.

/gleefully rubs hands together

First off, teenagers need to shut the fuck up about the fandom. There used to be a time when you'd go into the Resident Evil tag here on Tumblr and you'd get a bunch of weird model viewer porn of Chris banging Dante or someshit. Early RE fandom was filled with a bunch of zombie-on-Jill (and later, Claire) porn. Sometimes it was even zombie dog porn. I don't wanna hear shit about anything porn-related from some fuckin kids who don't know just how depraved this fandom has been. This fandom was built on fucked up porn.

So, in a similar vein, that Leon thirst has always been there. Always, always, always. Do you think that Leon almost overthrew Chris as the face of Resident Evil because fans just... "liked his character"? NO. IT'S BECAUSE WE WANTED TO FUCK HIM. We wanted him in every hole, in every position, and we didn't care what we had to do to get Capcom to give him to us. The only reason why Chris was never dethroned was because the gays circled the wagons around him with RE5's release.

However.

Reader fics and self-inserts are a very new and recent phenomenon in fandom spaces. Even as recently as the mid-2010s, this was something unheard of. Fandom OCs were not okay. If you had a fandom OC, or if the fandom even suspected that you were self-inserting in any way, you got publicly shamed and sometimes even exiled from fandom spaces.

But there was one big, hypocritical problem with that mindset.

If you can't already see where this is going, let me help.

This is the reason why Aeon vs Cleon got as toxic and volatile as it was, back in the day.

Oh, yes. Fans would pick which of the two women they identified with more, and that ship became their vehicle for Leon smut. So, now, it wasn't just a ship. Now, it was personal -- because fans were using Ada or Claire to self-insert in a socially acceptable way. So, if someone rejected Cleon, and you were Team Cleon, chances are, you took that as someone saying "You're not good enough for Leon. You don't deserve him." -- even if you didn't consciously realize that that's what you were doing or how you were perceiving things.

Back in the days of LiveJournal, you found so many fics of just blatant OOC shit, because it wasn't really about Claire or Ada as characters. It never really was. Ada and Claire were just a means to the end goal that was Leon's cock.

So, if nothing else, modern-day fandom is a lot more honest.

Personally? I'll never be interested in reader fics because of how taboo it was for literally my entire life -- I will always see it as cringe, and I will always question that person's grasp on the line between fiction and reality, even though I know consciously that that's not fair for me to do, and that author isn't doing anything that I wasn't thinking about at their age. But prejudices gonna prejudice.

But I'm fucking stoked that I can talk openly about Leon's cock these days, and I don't have to filter it through some fucking ship that I don't care about. I can just sit here and say to you guys -- hey. I think Leon's into edging, and he secretly wants someone to make him beg, but he's too much of a control freak to allow it, so he just makes his partner beg instead. And no one fucking gives a shit!

It's so freeing. I'm so happy.

[thegeminisage]

okay liz. i want to start reading cambionverse. where do i start?

HELLO AND OH MY GOD THANK YOU.......you've made this old woman's dream come true :') (i am only being a little dramatic)

i'm gonna give you a short answer and a long answer. you don't really need to read the long answer if it seems overwhelming. i get excited and overexplain things!!!

short answer:

the very first thing to read is the fic cambion. we wrote this fic first, which is why the verse is named after it. after you read cambion, you can reasonably jump in anywhere else on the series page and not be too confused, as long you don't jump to envesseled. cambion first, envesseled last. if you can just remember that, then any amount of shuffling the middle will be perfectly fine.

i have my own opinion for how to read the middle but i'm saving it for the end. please feel free to skip to it!

long answer:

this series is about jesse (half-demon kid from 5.06), ben (dean's maybe-kid from seasons 3 & 6), and claire (cas's temporary vessel in 4.20, and the daughter of his current vessel; she technically returned in s10, but "our" claire had already become her own totally different character by then), and their search for sam and dean, who have been missing for three years. cambion is jesse's fic, only human is ben's fic, and envesseled is claire's fic. but there are a lot of other fics that we wrote taking place in between them.

since we started writing this series while the end of s6 was airing, it will be helpful, but not necessary, to have passing knowledge of s6. we have plenty of exposition to fill in people who didn't watch but the added context is always nice.

ok, down to business! you know how the narnia books and star wars movies were published not chronologically? as in, stuff that happened later was published before stuff that happened earlier? @cambionverse is kinda like that. we have the jesse-ben-claire era and the sam-dean-cas era and even the ben-claire only era, and everyone will have their own preferences about which order to read it in. some options are as follows:

you can read it in the order we published it. pros: you can see things unfold in the same way we did as we went along, and the relationships will feel like they build more organically. cons: you will be going back and forth in time a lot, which may get confusing.

you can read it in chronological order. pros: you can go start to finish without skipping around too much in time. cons: it will take absolute ages to meet jesse, the star of this show. also, the first chronological fics have massive spoilers for cambion, so if you read them before you read cambion you're kind of ruining that fic for yourself, which is a huge bummer.

the published order and the chronological order are both on the series page. here is a screenshot:

WHAT I WOULD DO:

since both of these orders are flawed, i made my own idea, which is to read cambion, then go (mostly) chronologically. like this:

cambion - jesse's big pov fic, the ultimate verse-establisher

enter night - sam-dean-cas prequel. also meg is there <3

synchronicity - ben and claire's meetcute & budding partnership

antichrist problems - jesse, post-cambion, going thru it

only human - ben's big pov fic, an adventure w/ djinn & bisexuality

a house in nebraska - this one is about jesse's adoptive parents

oneshots collection - odds and ends

envesseled - claire's big pov fic, which we are currently publishing

i think this is the best of both worlds. you avoid most major spoilers, get to meet jesse early, and there's not so much going back and forth along the timeline that you get confused (you only really jump like twice).

thank you SOOOOO much for asking, i hope this post didn't put you off or anything and that if you decide to give it a try you enjoy it...it's definitely my pride and joy more than anything else i have ever put on ao3

edit also i forgot to add we have a blog specifically for the series if you wanna peruse it, it's @cambionverse

[mallowstep]

Hii! Previous shipping discourse anon here after doing some Thinking(tm). I think the problem that people see in proshippers is not that it *is* dark or deals with sensitive topics, but that's its weirdly...fetish-y? Like, there's a specific breed of anti that I don't like that's that's kaeluc antis(basically, sworn bros v adopted bros)(because their entire argument is a bit sinophobic) but there are ppl who will go out of their way to make them adopted bros anyway so. You can Tell it's a fetish

Oh man I vaguely remember when we were talking about kaeluc on here. Still know Nothing about it but I remember it (for some reason) came up.

…or I read about it on another blog?

Whatever. More to the point.

I’m a strong defender of “it’s cool to like dark fiction just because you enjoy it.” I don’t think anyone needs a justification. We don’t demand people explain why they like watching action movies with blood and death, do we?

But also I know exactly what you mean. Like. Eurgh. I am way too tired to explain my very complex thoughts about human sexuality. But for one thing, adopted siblings falling in love is like. A really old trope. Do I like it? No. Is it a thing? For some reason! (S/o to Cassandra Claire for letting me accidentally read her weird incest fantasy books.) But okay, I think I can say…

There are people who write things purely for porn purposes. I try not to judge those too much, with a few exceptions, mostly what I referenced earlier.

Then there are people exploring themes etc. Which is like. That’s what I do. Actually it’s funny that you used that example because one of my fic ideas includes the line “Why do I want to call you my brother when we’re having sex?” (It’s a joke in context, but explaining that context is beyond the point.) So like yeah they are generally speaking fine in my book.

And then there’s the middle ground where things get murky. It’s clearly not someone just writing something for the purposes of getting off, but it’s also not a sincere exploration. It’s…yeah, it’s something else.

I’m too tired to really wrap this up. Lemme try anyway.

I think a lot of people…okay, this goes back in part to media literacy, but there’s also some current cultural factors here, but a lot of people struggle to separate their intrinsic disgust from actual risk. It’s like — there was a spider living in my bathroom for a while. It kind of terrified me at first but the spider is just chilling. The spider is not an actual harm to me.

And as an author, sometimes I just want to make people feel revulsed and disgusted. God knows I’m familiar enough with the feeling.

Okay I am literally falling asleep as I type. Hopefully this makes sense? I am so exhausted, it’s been a Rough Ass Week in ya boy.

Maybe like. In reference to my previous comment on Lolita, I want people to understand the disgust they feel in response is part of the stories. Stories are meant to be felt. Sometimes horror is part of the feeling.

Oh my god I cannot keep my eyes open why did I think this was a good idea.

I really don’t have a label in the discourse. I don’t care what I am labeled as, so as long as it doesn’t involve misinformation.

K that’s all for tonight but I’ll check my inbox for you in the morning nonnie

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (2-8 Jun 2024)

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🥰 The Shabti (Megaera C. Lorenz, author; Matt Haynes, narrator) - wonderfully fun supernatural adventure romance set in the '30s. Just delightful. feat Horatio, a heckin' chonker of a cat. ilu horatio, even if you don't have a neck.

🥰 The Secret Lives of Color (Kassia St. Clair, author & narrator) - {nonfiction} This was rec'd in one of my discord servers as 'If you are ever in the need for a pleasant-sounding British woman telling you Interesting Facts About Colors then may I recommend The Secret Lives of Color by Kassia St. Clair, which is exactly that for 8 hours' and it was precisely that and it was wonderful and soothing and so interesting.

🥰 MateHub: Legend (MateHub #1) (Marie Reynard) - erotic romance about a wolf shifter porn star who finds a Mate™ in his new human co-star. Tropetastic & hot af, exactly what I wanted from a book with this set up. But my fave thing was the absolutely hilarious porn star names: Richard Knotz, our main MC wolf shifter. Hunter Savage, Max Hardwood, Trick Wilde (coyote shifter, natch). I snorted with laughter every time one came up. [really love a book that just knows what it's trying to do and executes beautifully on that premise]

💖💖 +166K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Transcript: Steven Rogers and James ‘Bucky’ Barnes' appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, February 4, 2017 (deliciousblizzardshark) - MCU: stucky, 2.7K - cute & funny

fighting vainly the old ennui (Fahye) - MFMM: phryne/jack, 13K - AU where Phryne's a jewel thief but Jack's just as fascinated [reread]

Love Runs Wild (DevilDoll) - Teen Wolf: sterek, 9.4K - inspired by the shifter porn romance above, had to reread this fantastic story where they're both porn models & Stiles accidentally shows up to work with a hickey. True forever fave.

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Magpie Murders - s1, e1

Murdoch Mysteries - s16, e22

The Brokenwood Mysteries - s10, e6

TJ Alexander in conversation with Rachel Reid [Under the Umbrella Bookstore event]

Game Changer - s6, e8

Um, Actually - s9, e8

Smartypants - s1, e4

Doctor Who - s1 (series 14), e6

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

Short Wave - Psychedelic treatment for PTSD faces misconduct hurdle

WikiHole - Song of the Summer (with Kristen Bell, Kirby Howell-Baptiste and Jackie Tohn)

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Blue Spring State Park

The Sporkful - Book Tour 1: Do You Really Need That Many Recipe Tests?

Consider This - 'They're somebody's history.' Returning ancient artifacts to their rightful home

NPR's Book of the Day - Kathleen Hanna remembers her path to becoming the OG 'Rebel Girl'

Re: Dracula - June 5: Simple Seriousness

⭐ Vibe Check - Trust The Aunties

Short Wave - Why The Science Of Tides Was Crucial For D-Day

Ologies - Culicidology (MOSQUITOES) Part 1 with Fhallon Ware-Gilmore

99% Invisible #584 - Fact Checking the Supreme Court

⭐ Decoder Ring - Captain Planet to the Rescue

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Welcome To Wall Drug

⭐ Pop Culture Happy Hour - Doctor Who is enlivened by its new Black, openly queer star

Wild Card with Rachel Martin - Bowen Yang thinks being present is overrated

Off Menu - Ep 252: Jason Mantzoukas

Today, Explained - A win for democracy in India

Short Wave - 'Math In Drag' Explores The Creativity And Beauty In Numbers

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Hit Man And What's Making Us Happy

Dear Prudence - I Bailed on a Family Trip Because My Plane Seat Didn’t Have Enough Legroom—Am I a Monster? Help!

Endless Thread - Scamming the Scammers

Today, Explained - The last good day on the internet

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

Rock Radio • 1980s

"I Melt With You" [Modern English] radio

Shaboozey

Energy Supermix

[outshinethestars]

Vacation (Daredevil/MCU fic)

Matt should never have let Peter drag him into this.  Hydra was not Matt’s problem.  Avengers Bullshit was not Matt’s problem.  Matt was not a man who should ever be in the vicinity of Tony Fucking Stark.

But Peter had the best damn puppy dog eyes (puppy dog voice?) anyway, he had Matt wrapped around his finger, the little shit.  Which led to this situation.  Matt, depowered and captured by Hydra along with a similarly depowered Spider-man and Tony Stark in his underwear.

“What about Daredevil?  We need to tie him up?”  Asked Hydra goon number one.

“He’s the blind one, idiot,” Hydra goon number two said.

So they knew about that.  That was… not ideal.  But at least it was one thing Matt didn’t have to worry about them finding out.

The hydra goons dumped them in a room and locked the door, but did not otherwise restrain them.

It was nice to be underestimated.

Matt prodded at one of the ribs he’d bruised earlier that night.  It didn’t hurt at all.  Or, well, technically it did, he supposed it hurt about as much as bruised ribs usually did, but it was so much less than Matt was used to that he had to consciously think about it to register the pain at all.  That.  Hm.  That could potentially be very bad.  According to Claire, Matt’s reaction to grievous bodily harm was “not normal” and “insane” as it was, but with the levels his pain response was at now, he’s pretty sure that if his guts were ripped out his natural reaction would be to go “huh. That kinda smarts”.  He’d have to pay attention to remember to treat any injuries he received with the respect they deserved.  For right now, though, the lack of pain was really, really nice.

Matt’s world was no longer on fire.

Foggy once described the “this is fine” meme to him.

“I’m describing this to you because you need this in your life, Matt,” Foggy had said, “I need you to understand that you are the dog in this picture.”

“Ah, yes,” Matt had nodded knowingly, “The world on fire.”

Foggy had accused him of being willfully obtuse.

And okay, yes.  Matt recognized the point Foggy had been trying to make there, and yes he had willfully ignored it.  But also, Matt’s world was on fire.

Matt’s everything had been burning all around him since he was a kid, and he’d just had to learn to live with that, turned it to his advantage, even.  But that didn’t change the fact that it was on fire, that everything was too hot and too loud and too much, that everything hurt, that it was like that everywhere all the time without a moment's peace.

It was quiet now, calm.  Damn restful.

Of course, everything wasn’t actually fine, it just felt that way.  Hydra still had them captured, Matt’s life continued to be a dumpster fire, it’s just that right now he couldn’t see it.

But, well, out of sight out of mind, right?

Peter and Stark were also here.  Peter was a smart kid, and Stark was a self proclaimed genius, surely they could handle this situation.  Matt was just a blind lawyer.  Did this, any of this, have to be his problem?

No, actually, it did not.

Just this once, Matt would leave the rescuing to other people.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” Matt said, “Wake me up when you have an escape plan.”

Stark and Peter protested this loudly, but they were blissfully easy to tune out, they sounded about three blocks away.

Matt curled up on the cold hard floor that felt far less cold and hard than he was used to and fell almost instantly asleep.

Matt was woken up when one of the hydra goons came in to interrogate them.

He didn’t wake up when the guy shouted at him to get up, he slept through people shouting every night.  He didn’t wake up when the guy kicked him in his bruised ribs, he likewise slept through far worse stabs of pain on at least a weekly basis.

His inner ear, however, still worked along the same principles, if not quite to the same standards, that it usually did.  So when the hydra goon roughly picked him up, Matt’s sleeping brain went, “Why the fuck am I vertical?” And he finally woke up.

Newly awakened Matt worked blearily on autopilot.  He punched the guy roughly manhandling him, who screamed in pain and surprise before Matt choked him out.

“Oops,” Matt said, as the unconscious goon slid to the floor.  He had no idea how Stark and the kid wanted to play this, and knocking out the hydra goon put them on a time crunch, it would only be so long before his buddies came in to check on him.

“So, how goes the plan?”  Matt asked.

It was quiet for one long moment, and then Peter said softly, “Holy shit.”

(There was, it turned out, no plan as of yet.  So Matt employed his usual fallback of winging it.  Matt is to this day not entirely sure of the details of what happened, but he did get to punch several people very hard, and he kept Peter from getting shot until Stark managed to get his ass in gear and jury rig  a distress signal to call in the rest of the Avengers.  Matt got to meet Captain America while tying a hydra goon to a giant potted plant, with Tony Stark standing around uselessly in his boxers, so on the whole it proved to be an excellent vacation.)