#which is just an incredibly fucked up view of like. everything. to be honest

[concreteangel92]

Bubble Baths & Blanket Forts

Noah Sebastian x female reader

No warnings, all fluff

So this idea was inspired by the lovely fluffy messages I had last week, in particular @lma1986 and @collisionsofyourkissmakeitsohard and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it so here we are 🖤

I still have a load of requests in my inbox and my own works to try and get through over the next few weeks. It’s been manic in my personal life recently so writing might be a bit slower, we shall see but as always, thank you for your support and patience!

Although I’m thinking a smutty part 2 of this could be needed 👀

Permanent taglist: @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @lma1986 @fadingangelwisp @theanarchymuse95 @w0manof-flesh44 @dream-machine-love @thisbicc @amelia-acero @badomensls

Permanent taglist is new so if you wish to be added then let me know ☺️

Masterlist

It had been a bad day, a really bad fucking day. Everything that could have gone wrong, had gone wrong and you were so fucking done.

You’d been messaging your boyfriend about how shit your day was and how you couldn’t wait to get home and just curl up and forget about the world.

You walked up to the front door of your flat that you shared with Noah and put the keys in the door, thanking whatever god that was listening that you hadn’t dropped the keys because you knew that would be the cherry on top.

You opened the door and was immediately greeted by the most beautiful smell coming from the kitchen.

“Hey babe I’m home”

You threw your keys and bag on the side and hung your coat up, instantly feeling better knowing that you were at home.

You heard Noah’s footsteps coming from the kitchen.

“Hey beautiful”

You looked over and saw his smiling face as he walked over to give you a kiss and cuddle hello. You wrapped your arms around him and held onto him while you buried your face in his chest.

“I’m so glad to see you”

Noah kissed your head and squeezed you into him.

“Yeah you said it was a bad day today, want to talk about it?”

You shook your head.

“No, to be honest, I just want today to be over”

You pulled away and went to walk into the living room but Noah blocked your way and started to lead you down the hallway.

“You don’t need to go in there, I’ve run you a hot bubble bath so you can have a soak before dinner is ready”

You stopped and looked up at him in awe.

“Really?”

He smiled. “Really angel, I’ve just finished setting it up in there so go and relax and I’ll call you when dinner is nearly ready”

You leant up and pulled his collar slightly so he came down to your level for a kiss.

“You’re incredible do you know that?”

Noah had a playful look on his face. “I know, I’m brilliant. Now go get that beautiful backside of yours in the bath”

“Don’t fancy joining me?”

Noah smirked and gave you another peck.

“Not this time baby, tonight is all for you”

You smiled and turned towards the bathroom while Noah headed back off to the kitchen. When you opened the door, the sight nearly brought you to tears.

The whole room was illuminated by candles all around the room and around the bath. You could smell one of your favourite bath bombs coming from the water and you could see the steam still rising. You could hear your favourite music playing softly and folded up on the side was your comfy pyjamas, ready for you to put on after.

You stripped out of your clothes, tied your hair up and walked over to the bath, lifting one leg, you dipped your toes in first to test the temperature which was perfect and then you climbed in and lowered yourself down, not being able to stop the moan falling from your lips as the hot water instantly soothed your tense muscles. You let your body relax under the bubbles and shut your eyes.

You don’t know how long you stayed there for, it felt like an eternity before you were disturbed by a gentle knock on the door and Noah’s face coming into view.

“Hey baby, how are feeling?”

You kept your head rested on the back of the bath. “I feel so much better, thank you”

Noah smiled and grabbed a big fluffy towel and held it open to you.

“I’m sorry to say that you’ll have to come out now as dinner is nearly ready”

You nodded and reached down to pull the plug to let the water drain before you stood up, the bubbles clinging to your body.

Noah stepped forward and wrapped the soft around your body before he helped you step out.

“What’s for dinner by the way? I forgot to ask”

“Your favourite”

Your eyes lit up as you looked up at him.

“Steak?”

“Yes with all your favourites. Get yourself into your comfies and then meet me at the table”

You nodded, the smile not leaving your face, how could one man be so perfect.

You dried yourself off and got dressed, your body feeling so refreshed after such a bad day.

After making sure you blew out all the candles in the bathroom, you walked down the hallway and into the kitchen/dining area where you had the table set up.

All ready on the table was your dinner, which smelt absolutely divine and the table was set up with more candles and fresh red roses in a vase in the centre.

You honestly thought you could cry, Noah had thought of everything.

“I can’t believe you’ve done all of this”

Noah walked up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close into his chest, the warmth of his body seeping into yours.

“You said you had a bad day angel, I just wanted to make it better for you”

You leaned back into him, feeling so safe and secure in his arms.

“It’s incredible babe, thank you”

You feel him press a kiss into your hair and then he leads you over to the table, pulling your chair out for you and making sure you were comfortable.

The food was incredible, you both ate in a comfortable silence with the odd conversation here or there but mostly you were just enjoying sitting down together.

Once dinner was over and your food was settling, Noah cleared the plates away and came back over to you.

“I have one more surprise for you”

You looked up at Noah with a bemused smile “What? But you’ve done so much already!”

Noah gave you his million dollar smile and took your hand in his.

“I’ve saved the best until last”

Noah walked you down the hall and stood outside the living room door, now realising that he’d been stopping you from entering all night.

“Ok, close your eyes baby”

You smiled and shut your eyes. You heard him open the door before you felt his hands gently cover your face as he walked you into the room.

“Ready?”

You nodded my head, the anticipation running through your body as you heard him whisper “open” into your ear and he released his hands.

You opened my eyes and the breath was caught in your throat.

Noah had built a huge blanket fort around the room. Blankets all of sizes were tied to each other and hung up high to create a tent like den in the middle of the room and you could see fairy lights hung around the entrance.

“Oh my god Noah! You built this?”

Noah blushed and nodded.

“Yeah, I remember you said once that you used to build these all the time as a kid and loved hanging out in them, so I thought I’d bring that back for you”

A tear rolled down your cheek as you took it all in.

“Can we go inside?”

Noah laughed and wiped the tear away.

“Of course we can angel, this is all for you, we can shut the rest of the world out in our fort, no problems allowed in”

You laughed and hugged him tight, feeling his arms pull you closer to him.

“You’re perfect Noah, you really are”

You grabbed his hand and went over towards the entrance, Noah lifted up the small blanket that he’d used as the ‘doorway’ and you saw inside that he’d used even more blankets and loads of pillows to cover the floor and he’d even hung fairy lights inside to give a beautiful glow and made it all warm and cosy.

You crawled in, feeling Noah right behind you. You could just about sit up inside, Noah definitely struggling more due to his height so you lied yourself back amongst the pillows and curled yourself up into Noah’s arms.

“This is the best night ever”

Noah smiled down at you, you felt him absentmindedly running his fingers through your hair or over your back.

“I’m glad you like it angel, I hope I’ve made your shitty day better”

You lean up and press your lips to his.

“What shitty day?”

His smile matched your own as you both got comfortable, getting lost in the conversation and feeling safe within each other’s arms, knowing that nothing could prenatal your very own little fortress.

[ntrlily]

One of the fun parts of reading Questionable Content is coming face to face with some of the most baffling sexual ethics.

[fruitsofhell]

Something I really like about Rose Quartz's characterization is how dedicated the writers were to making what she did morally grey. Idk it would have been really easy for the twist to be she was Just Evil, especially learning she was related to the main villains, but no they created this very vague character who even in her appearances feels mysterious. If anything Rose is the one thing that is less clear to me after my rewatch, because now seeing the nuance in her character pulls me out of a black-ane-white view of her and into one that is just... foggy.

But a vibe I do get from Rose, is that despite clearly being incredibly compassionate, she's someone who lacks empathy in the case of the ability to fully realize others' autonomy and thought processes. There's just a lot of decisions she makes that feel aloof in an odd way, and when combined with how childish she can be it can give the impression she sees everything as a game. But it's still clear that she cares and is genuinely moved by the Earth, and when her entire truth is revealed you can see how ideologically honest she was. Even if it feels like her beliefs are just so she can have fun, but that is part of freedom, the freedom to vibe and explore and do silly things she couldn't.

That attitude clearly just comes from her position as Pink Diamond. It was an oppressive role emotionally, but not as literally oppressive as the lives of those around her. I think her relationship with Pearl is where I find the most of the part of me that sees her as compassionate but unempathetic. Pink can't fathom what it's like to have been born to be an obedient servant and how that would cloud Pearl's judgement. How telling her "I'm going to fight for this world but you dont have to" would mean nothing to her because she is still obsessed with her, how entering a romantic relationship with something while they're still effectively your servant is unhealthy, or how spending her life flirting with other men would probably tear your servant-to-lover-to-ex up inside lmao. With the first she obviously meant to be giving her a choice because she cares about Pearl, but she can't understand how to truly give Pearl freedom of choice she can't treat her like a fully freethinking person. With the second she doesn't understand how her power has an unhealthy impact on her bond with Pearl. And with the last it's not at all that Rose isn't allowed to move on, but I just always found she has a lack of awareness of Pearl's jealousy and misery that's a bit inappropriate. Not that you can't assume she has already let Pearl down easy or cares about her coping, but it's never shown, which feels like a deliberate choice.

I'm working on a more organized theory about Rose's characterization, but it is deeply fascinating. Her and Pearl's relationship is as well, I feel like it's sometimes characterized as just a mean jealous ex situation but like it's way more fucked than that, and is a great exploration of power dynamics, obsession, and grief. Love me some toxic doomed yuri.

[southconfessionpark]

Many in the fandom like to disregard Butters’ involvement in the Weiner’s Out movement, but I’d like to argue that this movement was absolutely nothing surprising for Butters’ character. It’s only a continuation to add depth to his character, and it does no one in the fandom good to ignore it. It makes the most sense FOR his character to be the one to lead that movement. Yes, Butters is naive and innocent and should be protected at all costs. He is usually the one being bullied, and that should not be ignored. I fucking love Butters and hope this nuanced analysis doesn’t make it seem otherwise. I could write a whole ass essay on Butters being bullied and how that impacts his motivations and behavior, but that’s another topic for another day. Does Butter’s goodness and nativity mean that he’s always innocent and doesn’t bully others? ABSOLUTELY not. And that’s not just going based on season 20 at ALL. He has a history of being a dick even in prior seasons, especially to girls and to further his business goals. Hell, he even has a clear tendency towards being extremely rude to Kyle and Stan in particular, even with S&K trying to be very kind and protective of him in the later seasons (*yes, I promise I know S&K are dicks and bullies to him in earlier seasons which is kinda the whole POINT for his transitioning into a dick himself lmao).

He rips on Kyle for being voted ugliest in the class with lots of unbridled joy, being an absolute straight-up bully more than Kyle ever was to him. He rips on Stan for questioning the whole Cis issue when Stan is incredibly confused about girl vs boy stereotypes, yelling at him in front of everyone to use a different bathroom. He yells at Kyle when he genuinely expresses concern for why Cartman wants to spend so much time with him in the ‘cartman sucks’ episode, telling him to ‘grow up.’. He gets upset when Stan tries to intervene when yelling at the kids for tying Butters up (Kenny was included in torturing him, don’t forget this. It was Kyle and esp Stan who ultimately stuck up for him here. Idk WHY the fandom seems to think kenny is the nicest to Kenny when he’s absolutely canonically on the same level as S&K when it comes to dealing w Butters. Maybe the Hawaii episode? But even then it’s more kenny being roped into things w Butters bullying everyone but him and trying to be kind than anything. Not saying I don’t love the Bunny ship because I do, but it’s the goddamn honest truth) on the tetherball pole for never kissing a girl. He’s extremely and loudly mean to Stan despite knowing that Stan is being ostracized in the recent season’s toilet paper episode despite everything being on Randy and not Stan, tricking Stan into listening to him after being bombarded all day with classmate’s taunts by luring him into a conversation calling him a ‘really good friend’ only to completely rip on him for no good reason.  He yells at Stan for being an asshole for trying to genuinely help him during the pandemic despite Stan so clearly going through mental shit himself and trying to pour his blood sweat and tears to help Butters out in the process. There’s so many other instances of him ripping on S&K when they try to help.

He is consistently rude to Wendy and Bebe. In the Smurf’s episode, he leads an entire movement to discredit Wendy, even when not being asked to by Cartman. There’s a fucking reason that the fourth-grade girls (who I can assure you are not seeing Butters in a nuanced way as us adults do) tend to rip on Butters, and he honestly usually deserves it when they do. He calls Bebe a slut and bitch for no reason, getting himself beat up. He taunts Wendy the entire breast cancer episode, being an absolute dick until he realizes Wendy has the upper-hand. He often goes along with Cartman’s views on girls due to his naivety and easily being manipulated, or just not knowing better due to typical girl vs. boy arguments in elementary school. Does a lot of this have to do with him just being a 10-year-old kid who clearly has a history of being bullied himself as well as just being so incredibly naive that he doesn’t understand a lot of the social complexities of things? Absolutely! Does it make it less worse for those he bullies, like Bebe, Stan, Kyle, or Wendy? No, especially considering they are kids themselves who don’t understand the nuances of these things and social dynamics! Does this mean that all those aforementioned people he bullies hasn’t bullied him in the past? No! That’s one of the whole fucking points of it all; that little kids bully each other! Does this mean he grows up to be a dick? Absolutely not! I still think that despite this, he still is the most wholesome person on the goddamn show!

But does all this mean that the Weiner’s Out movement is not in character for him like too many in the fandom tend to pretend otherwise?

ABSOLUTELY not. The Weiner’s Out movement was SO in character for Butters, and those who disagree do not look at Butters as an entirely nuanced, flawed, HUMAN yet still wholesome character. You can’t just make him completely wholesome. He’s NOT. And those who disagree just don’t have the capacity to view things from a non-black-and-white angle.

(Sorry, I know this is a whole ass essay/ted talk. Feel free to cut it down :))

[petite-cherry-blossom]

My personal Weatherman – Taikan Yohou

The main characters – Segasaki and Yoh.

I'll disclaim in advance that there will be no plot in this dorama, but that is the beauty of it.

Segasaki is a weather presenter and Yoh draws eromanga. They met at university and fate has brought them together ever since.

Yoh has no money to pay the rent, so Sagasaki offers him a place to live together, but in return Yoh has to agree to everything they ask him to do.

For me personally, it's a little bit of a red flag (Segasaki can easily forbid Yoh to meet his friend in a cafe, and Yoh just has to accept it). I'll be honest, this relationship is weird, and in real life Segasaki is the kind of guy who should be fucked off, not even his godlike beauty could save him.

As I mentioned before, the eight episodes revolve around the relationship between the two main characters, we are included in all of Yoh's thoughts the whole time, the narration is almost all from his point of view.

Nevertheless, their chemistry is visible even to the naked eye, which is not surprising: the first thing they did when they moved in together was hook up. There is a peculiar problem built around this too, as Segasaki decided that they would only have sex before sunny days. Why?

It's a question that everyone was curious about, and the answer is pretty prosaic. Everything revolves around the weather (it's not for nothing that one of the main characters is a meteorologist).

– Hey. Why can’t we do it when it rains?

– Huh? Because you said so. When you first moved here and we did it. 

– Huh?

– So you won’t have trouble with laundry. 

I think I've rewatched it about eight times. It's hard for me to explain, but I was touched by literally every action, every look, every touch and misunderstanding.

Of course, Yoh had no idea that he was not just a servant to Segasaki, but the most precious person to him. And Segasaki is not good at using words, which is why we were stuck in the same place for a very long time.

But every interaction they had, the painfully ridiculous date, the dialogues - it all made my heart ache. It clearly states in black and white: Yoh fell first, but Segasaki fell harder.

Fanfact: when rewatching, I decided to start not from the beginning, but from the middle (first from the fifth series to the eighth, and then from the first to the fifth). And I was right! Exactly in the middle we start to be shown flashbacks of the characters' meeting, to which very nice and interesting references were made in the first episodes. Of course, when watching them for the first time, it is easy to just not notice them. So my idea was not as stupid as I thought at first.

– Put this in some Tupperware. I’ll eat it all. You’d better not eat any. This is mine.

I’m the only one who has to know that this carry tastes bad. He did the best to make it. That made me happy. That fact is all I need. 

I'm very sensitive to this work, it deservedly became one of my favourites, because despite the simplicity of the plot, the characters are incredibly natural and beautiful in their "ordinaryness".

Yoh is a master of making things up (just like me), Segasaki is a expert at hiding his feelings and thoughts, he is sure that everything is clear to everyone (I can see your thoughts in the subtitles, you idiot. But Yoh can't read minds). As a result, Yoh didn't know they were dating for quite a while, when for Segasaki their relationship was obvious.

There aren't many characters in this dorama, but there's no need for them. We do fine with two goofballs who can't figure out the nature of their feelings until the last minute, while being stubbornly jealous of each other.

[androdragynous]

tell me something about your art. fucking love the recent sharp angles.

thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble I love you. kiss

this is going to be a long post but I think it's important so I'm leaving it as a normal post and not a read more

I wrote more words and changed my mind because I got distracted a bunch of times by talking to myself. Enjoy

my own works in general have always been like. The Way By Which I Interact With The World which I think is a pretty common artist experience. my fan art tended to focus on my own characters in those settings rather than on the existing characters because of that, to my younger self's chagrin at times (the desire to Appeal To Fandom was much stronger in my younger years, which I think is also pretty typical). so there was always that lens of, like, these characters aren't me, but they could have been, in some way, or at least when viewed at certain angles. first guy is dealing with the same shit, second guy is doing some gender stuff baby me won't unpack for another five years, you get the idea.

and then the whole disability thing ramped up a few notches and everything went to shit, which is to say, for a really long time there I couldn't so much as look at art without pain, let alone long enough to create it. I did not have the tools to accomodate that disability or the finances to get them, and so for a really long time I was basically cut off from... what honestly felt like my ability to connect with people.

this sucked very badly in many ways. it's still not back to where it was before things got worse, but I'm happy with where it's been recently. I don't know how much of that is connected to getting a blood transfusion and the affiliated correction to my quantity of blood. I don't know how much of it is just pure desperation to reconnect with a world that I feel estranged from. We will come back to this point because I have a different tangent first:

I really don't like vent art. I don't like making it, I don't like posting it, and I don't like seeing it. I understand why people make it - I understand why I do - but there's a very harsh rawness to it that feels inappropriate as a viewer. It's voyeuristic; it's a look into something incredibly deeply personal hurt and an equally deep and genuine desire to have that hurt seen, validified, comforted.

I do not think vent art is bad to create or share, to be clear. The fact it makes me uncomfortable does not illegitimize it. Could honestly strengthen its reason for existing, to be quite honest.

The line blurs with disability, though, and this is where we come back to the original tangent, because to talk about disability that cannot be cured will innately be seen as venting. It's basically inevitable, in my experience. You're supposed to want to get better. You're supposed to hate existing like this. So if you mention it, to people who haven't either been in the same boat or who haven't taken the time to work through their own baggage about it, it's innately a vent. It's innately a hurt that you're burdening them with, a hurt that you want recognized and helped. My family members have been particularly bad about this viewpoint, but so have friends and medical professionals. So have strangers. I find it akin to arguments against gay public displays of affection; two men holding hands is sexual, using a mobility aid is pitiable. You get me? There's that innate sense that you, as the person watching a disabled person be disabled, should be feeling something about it, and if it's not inspiration porn, obviously you're meant to be sad. If it wasn't clear, this is the description of a train of thought that I believe is entirely incorrect.

Anyways. So disability art ends up grouped as vent art if you talk about it sucking at all, even if the suck is about the barriers presented by society and not the disability itself. I can, of course, only speak for my own experience, which is what this post is about, so my situation is very much barriers-focused.

People really, really aren't good at dealing with the discomfort part, what I detailed as the emotions I feel around vent art. People don't know what to do when you don't want help, or their help doesn't help (for whatever reason), or basically in any situation where you can't actually fix things, which is a lot of Being Disabled. It's hard to sit with that discomfort, especially when it's about a person's vulnerability. People want to help others, generally, in my experience, and it's difficult to not be able to when it's someone you care about.

Which all ties back into the voyeurism; to be visibly disabled is to be a spectacle. This has also been pretty inevitable, in my experience. Being in a wheelchair draws attention. Using a cane draws attention. Wearing an eye patch draws attention. So on and so forth. Sometimes this is great - people will offer their chairs to me sometimes if I'm using my cane, for example, which I appreciate - and sometimes it is less great.

This ties in, for me, with the part people REALLY don't like talking about, which is sex and sexuality. How do you date when you can't go out to many places? How do you get to know someone when you live with others and can't invite them over? How do you look sexy when you feel and kind of look like a corpse? These are all questions I'd love to know the answers to, because I'm shit out of luck on figuring it out so far, and that's not even touching on the actual sex, because I don't want to get this post filtered if I can help it. There's a balance, right, of being visible on purpose by flirting, dressing up, going out, making an impact, that is both directly overlapping with and directly opposed to the inevitable visibility of visible disability. They juxtapose magnificently, in a kind of sun and moon during an eclipse sort of way, you get me? You have to lean into it. You have to make yourself comfortable in that visibility because it's inevitable, and you are going to inevitably be viewed as a spectacle because you've leaned into it, and you're never going to be viewed as sexual because nobody will ever distinguish that there are two kinds of visibility being done, here.

And THAT I think is where my art is at right now, trying to convey that overlap. I do not think I have been subtle about it - it's loud colors, sharp lines, layers of vandalism over the original draft, a kind of intentional obscuration that implies many others were drawn to leave their mark there. You know? But because of What It Is, I do think it causes discomfort in the overlap. It's supposed to. It's inevitable that it would. I think being disabled is overtly sexual in the way being gay is overtly sexual in the way being trans is overtly sexual, in that none of them are but none of them aren't, either, in the right contexts or the wrong ones. People are going to see you exist and come to their own conclusions about how wrong you must feel in existing, and they will be made uncomfortable by that perception, and they will want to fix you. You have to accept that or you have to be uncomfortable right back. There's not really a third option that keeps you alive. This is all connected to the art, because the art is also inherently sexual, for approximately the same reasons.

So the tldr is "op is it weird if I think this is hot" is both the intended response and yes, it is weird, and you have to sit with the fact that both of those are true and you have to be normal about it for the rest of your life forever, and also you should take that knowledge and get weirder about it. It's a complex system. I also may have described none of it. Good luck.

[wafflerageface]

I know we all like to spitball ideas about why characters do things and here’s my turn.

Gortash super cares about his image and how people view him and he essentially boils down to people need to love me all of the time, right? I mean, why else would he go through such elaborate steps to make himself the hero of Baldur’s Gate? Bane is tyranny. He could’ve chosen a much more straight forward plan that would have both worked faster and gained more of Bane’s attention/favour. Instead, this man chooses the most roundabout way possible to achieve his goal and almost fumbles it for a multitude of reasons, one of which being unwilling to break his public image.

We’ve all wondered why exactly he sold Karlach. Like we all know he probably did it for some infernal machinery knowledge, but why Karlach specifically. From what we can tell, it seems from Karlach’s POV he was a really stand up guy (which we all know isn’t true), she deeply respected him, thought he was amazing. And let’s be honest here, Karlach makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy and kinda wanna do some good. Even Astarion, who in the first act really fucking hates being made to be all good and nice and heroic. If there’s room in Enver’s heart for the Durge to take residence and for him to love as deeply as some of us believe, I fully feel like there’s a small part of his heart that Karlach touched. Just a tiny bit that made him respect her bright and optimistic outlook on everything, even if a lot of the time he thought it was incredibly foolish.

Yall ever wonder if he chose Karlach for Zariel because he didn’t want her to hate him for the shit he really got up to? Yall ever think he stayed awake at night sometimes not wanting to face the consequences of that sweet girl no longer idolising him when she realised everything he did as an arm’s dealer? That it scared and disgusted him that he actually cared even a tiny bit what she thought of him? Yall think he chose to take control of the situation, to take control of how the hate would manifest by choosing to sell her so yes, her image of him shattered, but he got to choose what broke the mirror?

[anarchistauthor]

@anarchistauthor Really, a good chunk of the male characters end up being typical male archetypes, but having their typical expectations and archetypes put under a microscope and stripped of plot armor for the sake of the greater narrative:

Ozma and Oscar being different types of Chosen Ones, with the former being someone who being chosen results in him being manipulated by the deity who "chose him" into turning against his lover, and because of the fallout of that devolves into a manipulative liar who basically alienates everyone because he's too dogmatically stuck in his ways to acknowledge that he's being played for a fool by the very deity who chose him.

Oscar meanwhile gets the farm boy with a grand destiny shtick...but as basically just another pawn in a grand crusade against the initial Big Bad, doomed to have his identity subsumed against his will for the sake of a greater good that will never come because of the former's inability to get out of his situation. Oscar, instead of being the protagonist, instead finds himself in a fight for his own right to exist as a person, having to push back against his own transformation while trying to figure out who he's really supposed to be in this mess.

Ren's the typical "my village is dead because of monsters and I want revenge", but he ends up getting his revenge very early on, and it's revealed that it was ultimately a red herring for his ACTUAL issues, which involve his desire for a sense of certainty and control over his life by becoming a huntsman and destroying the destroyer of his village...which doesn't actually resolve anything. He instead ends up having to deal with the aftermath and the unearthing of his deep-seated traumas regarding authority and his own sense of powerlessness and the consequences it nearly has for his relationship with Nora, who finds herself on the opposite side of an ideological impasse as a result.

Adam is the revolutionary pushed by a desire for revenge against those who tormented him, but instead shows how much his desires twisted him until he started caring more and more about his own bloodlust, and willingly nearly destroyed everything he claimed to stand for because he couldn't face reality of how much he was making things worse for his race.

And Ironwood is the tough military man who views himself as the last thing standing against an unbeatable foe, who has to make the tough decisions that his comrades refuse to make...but it soon becomes incredibly clear that rather than that being true, he's more akin to a mall cop mixed with a politician playing soldier in a war that he doesn't really understand at all, because he's never actually FOUGHT a real war, and his bullheaded ignorance and self-importance leads to him alienating everyone and nearly ruined everything.

And all of these things end up leading to the point that the current world order that Ozpin created is deeply flawed and actively useless against the likes of Salem and the Gods, and how our heroines need to change their methods and strategy if they want to have any hope of actually fixing the true situation, instead of just ending up blindly repeating the same mistakes that their predecessors did.

At the end of the day, RWBY is the story of four girls who do everything they can to save the world. Not because they think they're better than everyone else, or more qualified, and certainly not because of "destiny" hogwash. Just because they know someone has to do it, and they've seen all the ways that everyone else who tried has fucked it up. Keeping secrets, isolating, manipulation, those tactics all failed completely. So, the Ruby Rose method is to do the opposite: Be honest and forward about the issue, ask for help, and count on others.

And it worked.

[the-maddened-hatter]

So Vox is great in Hazbin, but I really had come to love him as he was depicted by Paranoid DJ, like I know they were never *quite* canonized, but they were always just on the cusp of it.

Something I've loved however is getting to see Velvette be such a powerful badass, so I've decided what I'd (personally) like to see is Vox having a very paternal view of Velvette and secretly still having a very unsafe relationship with Valentino, just hiding it far better in the show, and at some point attempting to protect Velvette from Val's anger when she takes something too far for him to ignore and we see he really *is* the weakest of the 3 Vs, just personable and hypnotic.

Val says something implying that this is far from the first time Vox has tried to shield Vel, and as Vox struggles to get back up, images flick across his cracked screen of various times across his various "upgrades" that Val has hurt him. He tries to cover it with his hands and through a glitching stutter pleads with an outraged Vel to just leave, that everything will be alright, that he'll be able to fix himself up again "good as new".

I want to see her just destroy Valentino. Like go full demon mode and just decimate that nasty moth quickly and horrifyingly painfully, maybe incorporate his wings into her outfit so even once his body does eventually re-form the wings are just tattered shreds to remind him never to fuck with her or Vox ever again.

I think she'd be kind of mad at Vox for a while for thinking she needed protection and for always hiding the situation from her (which is really saying something, she's an incredibly observant person), but would ultimately forgive him since she appreciates that his care for her was selfless in a way she was hard-pressed to find while alive, let alone once she was in hell, and their communication would be much more honest going forward, with him being more actively respectful of her while she now recognizes that all of his parental behaviors towards her are fully genuine, not an act.

[guess-that-ship]

S12 Round 3

A Clashing of Elements

cw: spoilers

Water is new to her abilities, viewing them as a gift with which to save people and bring justice. Fire is a veteran, having seen her powers lead to tragedy as a result of trying to help. She wants to teach Water a lesson, cruelly encouraging her to help only herself. Water is disgusted, and vows to take her down. The two violently fight on multiple occasions, narrowly avoiding grave injuries. But everything changes when they learned of how they were tricked, and what they gave up to earn their new abilities.

Fire extends an olive branch to Water, but she is unable to accept it. She no longer hates Fire, but she considers herself unworthy of living if she’s not sacrificing herself to save people. Eventually, this catches up to her. Water loses herself, becoming a twisted version causing rampant chaos. Fire is determined to save her. Even as Fire is beaten up, she continues to call out to Water. Nothing works. Eventually, Fire comments on how much it sucks to be alone. But she is going to be there for Water. With a kiss, she sacrifices herself to free Water’s soul and allow her to rest in peace.

In another world, Water finds Fire again. Water takes her hand and says that her biggest regret is not getting to have more time together. The two of them rest their heads together. It has been a tumultuous road, but perhaps they will be okay.

Old(ish) men one-sided yaoi

cw: spoilers

They are childhood best friends who swore they would always work together and never let the competitiveness for the job they both wanted get in the way of that… until character B gets a girlfriend and gets her pregnant and decides he will give up on that dream for his new dream: marry his gf and be a family man. Character A gets really hurt by this and cuts all contact immediately, swearing he will never forgive him.

Years later character A gets the job they both wanted and goes on to live his life wishing him and character B could meet again, but still being incredibly stuck in the past and hating him all the same. A then meets B's grandson due to work-related reasons and they end up working together but A is so petty that at the first disagreement they have he tries to beat the shit out of him. He later realizes he's just a nice, honest kid who is honestly kind of insane and it reminds him of B, so he let's him leave and decides to visit B.

B is really really exited to see A, who in his head is like "I hate you but I love you and I missed you but fuck you", and then they have a nice hug where A thinks about how gentle and kind B is and feels dumb for how he acted… until A tries to beat the shit out of him. They semi-reconcile and end up meeting up more tho, and B makes it abundantly clear again that he is very happy to reunite with A.

They later team up because they're worried about B's grandson and have a very meaningful talk where B reassures A that overall he has made a good impact on society and is doing a good job. A also realizes that he can't keep dwelling on the past and that B was not evil for deciding to change his plans for the future and go after the love of his now dead wife.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #18 – Montress Volume 3: Haven by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda

I have been reading one volume of this comic a month, in part as a way to force myself to take it a bit slowly and appreciate the issues and volumes as distinct arcs and works in their own right instead of archive binging, and in part because a volume of comic books being more than ~20% of my reading goal for the year feels like cheating. This has accomplished both of those goals splendidly, but it is making it increasingly hard to come up with different ways of talking about the basic premise of the story. So I’m just not going to.

The plot picks up fairly directly where the last plot dropped off – with Maika having escaped the last maratime city-state she’d found refuge in (now wanted fugitive) and settling into the next one. To secure safety for herself and her little crew of misfits (eldritch god-monster her mom bore and raised her to be a host for, adorable fox-child she treats like shit, terrible cat who betrays everyone, improbably hot noble magic assassin whose technically supposed to be murdering her), she’s conscripted by the royal engineer to assist in repairing the ancient magical shield which protected the city during the last war – which, due to her heritage and the aforementioned eldritch god, she might be the only one capable of safely accessing. That (literally) blows up in everyone’s face just about immediately, and the remainder of the arc is spent scrambling to deal.

Dramatically the volume works very well as a self-contained narrative, though a decade of marvel movies have left me kind of incapable of taking a big climax involving an apocalyptic glowing hole in the sky that seriously. Beyond that though, this is definitely a Lore volume, digging deep into the history of the Shaman Empress, her relationship with Zinn, and what the other Montrum are or want. It also, if my memory is right, marks the point where Zinn finishes transitioning from this terrible quasi-unknowable parasite ruining Maika’s life and turning her into a walking atrocity to just, like, Some Guy. They’re a little shit with an improbably amount of flattering amnesia and also murder a bunch of people but like, they’re a character now. They banter with Maika constantly, and also keep fucking up and being wrong about things. Deeply endearing tbh.

This also marks the point where The Doctor and Maika’s paternal family more broadly starts being a lot more plot-relavent which, going to be honest, I’m kind of dreading. Can’t remember any real details but my memories of the whole upcoming arc basically boil down to ‘at least Maika got that badass clockwork prosthetic out of it’.

Kippa and Ren are basically irrelevant to the actual plot this time, which is totally fine because I love them both dearly and would have happily read an entire issue of them going shopping and having a nice day in the market. Kippa, besides being adorable, does actually get some pretty meaty scenes providing the view from the gutter here though – Maika gets scooped up by a scheming vizier engineer as soon as she walks into town, and also hates people, but Kippa is absolutely the sort of person to go wandering through a sprawling refugee camp doing whatever she can to help. Which is both good worldbuilding and characterization and provides some desperately needed grounding to keep the whole story from vanishing entirely into mythic freudian psychodrama.

Speaking of preferring the social and political storytelling – I’m not sure they ever actually matter, but I do love the two bit characters who occasionally get scenes of their desperate heroic spycraft and diplomacy as they try everything they can to prevent another war breaking out. Their little bit in this volume also does a great job illuminating what a broken mess the politics of the Federation is – given the incredibly vague 1930s-East-Asia analogy underlying the story’s geopolitics, I like that the genocidal power about to plunge the world into war is riven with internal contradictions and five minutes away from a coup with the army and navy barely able to stand in the same room without gunfights breaking out).

Anyway yeah, it’s still Monstress. Still good! I probably sound like a broken record saying it at this point, but the character design remains just sublime, even for very thoroughly secondary characters. Speaking of, my favourite one has now shown up!

[creative-kny-fics]

Hii!

Can I request a Lee!Zohakuten with any ler?

(When I say any I mean any. It could be like Gyutaro or something for all I care)

pls

.if not just ignore this!

Ooooh, I like this one! Sorry it took so long 😔

Ler: Rui (LowerMoon 5)

Lee: Zokahuten (UpperMoon 4)

The appearance and age of the demons was very confusing. Some looked at an age that was not correct, others were at the age at which they became demons and others, despite their advanced age, looked so young...

'I didn't know that Muzan-Sama had turned another child into a demon...'

'A child? Oh, Zokahuten? Hah! He only has the appearance, he is an old man', Rui raised his eyebrow in question.

Really? He knew that Akaza was one of the few "honest" demons, but, Hazotuken, that's what he said his name was, right?

No, wait, Zokahuten, yes, that's what he said, anyway, that demon looked young, he looked like a child. And if he wasn't, why was he wearing some kind of bib?

'Oh, Hantengu-San's age?' 'I thought his name was Zokahuten'

'Hehehe well little demon, he has many names! His BDA is amazing, don't you think? It can go from one to four! But, oh right, the question, if I'm not mistaken, he is around 400 or more years old, yeah, something like that, I hope that helps you!'

'Thank you, Douma-Sama...'

Well, that left him more doubts than answers. What did he mean by "go from one to four"? Did he multiply or divide? It was strange...

You will surely say that, for a demon, those questions are irrelevant, but remember that Rui, internally, is still a child, and like every child, he is curious, what did it matter if he was a demon, physically and, in part, mentally, he was an infant

Rui's curiosity about Zokahuten grew, it was something strange, maybe he was drawn to his appearance? His BDA? His distance from the others? Who knows, maybe it was everything.

'Kid, may I know, why have you been following me lately?', wow, that was fast.

'Well, it's just that, I've never seen you, I think, are you an UpperMoon?'

'Yeah, although maybe you haven't seen me because the real emotion is an old man crawling and I only come out when he requires protection'

'So, you're like some kind of older brother?'

'Eeeem, sure, whatever you say kid'

Rui's eyes sparkled, a brother who is willing to protect? It was a genuine bond, definitely, although, on second thought, wouldn't they be the same person?

'Hey, kid, what's wrong with you?'

'Stop calling me kid, I have a name and it's Rui.'

'Well... Rui... What's wrong with you? It's not like I care but, forget it, it's not worth it'

Record your words well Zokahuten, because when you least expect it, that will change.

'How did I end up here? How fucking annoying, damn it, I don't know if Karaku or Urogi were the ones who agreed to this, but I don't like it anymore'

'What's wrong with it?'

'Nothing. Now, if you don't mind... GET ME DOWN'

Oh yes, a tender moment (in quotes) between "brothers", of course, it wasn't exactly something enjoyable, but it was fun.

Since he became a demon, Rui discovered that he had a taste for being up high, he liked it, he felt so powerful and had an incredible view, childish things.

'It's okay, you can get down, anyway, I've already seen the landscape for a long time', finally, thought Zokahuten.

They got down, but Zokahuten felt, bad? If you could say it, he couldn't explain it, he felt a hint of remorse, damn, it was surely Aizetsu...

It didn't make sense, he was a demon, why did he feel that way? Although of course, he's a demon of emotions, oh fuck.

'Eeeeh? What are you doing?'

'Carrying you, isn't it obvious?'

'And what's the reason for that?'

'You stay quiet and I'll keep carrying you or I'll put you down and you can talk all you want. It's your choice brat', hey, treat the kid right.

Rui felt comfortable, it was comforting, he wasn't going to lie, he felt calm, he felt protected...

Few demons had managed to make him feel that way, as a human, he never had a brother or sister, but once he became a demon, he felt that, not with his spider family, but with some of the demons.

'Thanks, erm, I don't know what else to say, you took me by surprise...'

'Yeah yeah, shut up, if you say anything else I'll throw you out'

'You don't seem to mean it...'

Zokahuten growled, he wasn't going to deny it, he wasn't heavy, he was calm, he was used to the fights of the 4 clones and he felt it more like a release from not having to take care of a group.

Rui smiled and looked at him, he didn't know if he had seen well, but Zokahuten's horns were, red?

'Your horns, have changed color?'

'What? What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you talking in the first place? Shut up, I'm not going to deal with it.'

Well, who could resist touching them, how did they turn red? Were they somehow related to his feelings?

Wow, Zokahuten had more secrets and Rui wanted to find out. 'He-hey!'

'Does it hurt?'

'N-no, but i-ihit feels we-wehehird, your fingehers are co-cohold, don't do tha-hahat you damn brat,' yep, Rui definitely wanted to keep touching them.

Zokahuten couldn't do anything, in the first place, he didn't even know what was wrong with his body, why did he feel like that?

His horns were transmitting a desire to smile and laugh, how the hell was that possible?

'Ru-Ruhui..'

'You laughed? Wow, how strange. So you're ticklish?'

'Whahat do I ha-have? Don't tahahalk nonse-hehense, I'm not "ticklish", I don't e-eheven know wh-what thahahat is!'

'Me neither, but I've seen Daki and Gyutaro doing this many times, also Douma with Akaza, so...', well this was either weird or ridiculous or didn’t even make sense, how was this even possible?

First his horns are ‘tickly’ or whatever that shit is called, now, the UpperMoons also have the same reaction?

How inconceivable, and why the fuck did he allow Rui to keep doing this?! He didn’t like it, did he?

‘Ruhuhui..!’

‘Heh, the more you think about it, the more ticklish you seem to get, should I stop?’

‘Ye-yehehes! Uuuugh, what a strange feeling’, aha, yeah, ‘strange’.

Zokahuten sighed, but, internally, he wanted him to keep going? It wasn’t a bad feeling but, damn what was wrong with him?

‘They’re still red’

‘CAN YOU STOP LOOKING AT MY HORNS?!’

‘Do you want more?’

Zokahuten looked at Rui seriously and dropped him to the floor, calm down, Rui is fine, and Zokahuten, may have some problems, only if Rui decides to continue or chooses revenge.

[aphrodeiities]

ꜰᴇᴇᴅʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ꜱɪx

Dear Pluto

I just want to say thank you so much for my reading. It is greatly appreciated, I absolutely love your work and what you do and honestly I don’t think there is no one I’d trust to read my chart other than you, you have been honest and have been kind and you’re amazing at what you do. This feedback may be a bit personal so if you do end up posting it, I would prefer if my name be blocked please. Though let’s get started…

The way the chart flowed and was able to accurately adjust the way the next month of my life are going to go, was amazing I felt as though getting the degrees gives me a better insight of how the represent something very different in each house/planet. I am over here assuming that things are going to be silly because of the amount of Gemini degrees in my SRC. Though, the way you describe it and your perspective to certain things makes me think about through a whole different point of view and it actually makes me more curious as to what to expect during my SR. The beginning of the solar return you mentioned my 4° and my brother is getting engaged by the end of the year which I found very insane like wow lol.

Another point I love I don’t know if you’re consistently doing this with all your future chart readings/ customers but shuffling the music I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOVE IT! Like I don’t think you understand listening to the song while reading the paragraphs makes it so much better and I love love love the pictures you put with the paragraphs of each paragraph you are doing as you’re describing what is going on in that house or the planet Associated with it, and I find it quite fascinating how you are able to mix the aesthetics with something as specific and narrow as astrology is, because it does have to be data you make it fun to read and I think it’s amazing. 

Anyways back to the feedback, you know I’m a little bit scared of you now because a good chunk of the stuff you have said has been on POINT and I can’t believe it like I’m terrified because everything you said about my style, confidence, and even family I was shocked of it all. The fact that you are able to take something in when reading a chart and are able to analyze it within what should happen is incredibly talented and I loved every single bit reading this chart and I am so excited for what the next couple months should present me. This gives me a bit of excitement and clarity.

paid chart reading ⟶ solar return chart reading + degrees

[conostra]

Gojo's Racism, and Greater Jujutsu Society at Large

Put it to bed, that shit was indeed racist. No mincing words, no covering, nothing. Gojo's statement about Miguel was bred from ignorance and nothing more. And to be honest, I'm okay with that.

Been a lot of discourse about whether or not Gojo himself is a racist over the discussion he had with Miguel over both his physiology and his cursed technique. Specifically, Gojo and Miguel are having a discussion, and Miguel expresses surprise at Gojo being able to just know his CT. Gojo says he can tell just by looking, but that the real frightening thing about Miguel is his build. He then begins to talk about African sorcerers.

"99% of all sorcerers are Japanese. Add a cursed energy buff to these guys' physiques and muscle mass, which are crazy rare in Japan, and the result is pretty amazing."

Miguel sees the pretty over, if incidental, racism sown through the statement, being very quick to point out that him being African is not what makes him special, but being himself. Gojo quickly apologizes.

But the point still stands. Gojo makes a broad blanket statement about an entire racial demographic of people, and uses it to attempt to explain one of those people's greatness. This is undercutting the work Miguel as an individual, not just as a black man, and not just as a sorcerer, has had to put in to get where he now is. And this is especially cutting coming from Gojo, who is clearly established as, at least in motive, one of the more progressive members of the modern Jujutsu society.

But are we actually crying foul over whether or not Gege's anti-Gojo propaganda is at work here? To me, this seems like a pretty clear take on how racism permeates. Gojo is not racist, in that he does not look down upon any races. But he is perpetuating a clearly prejudiced idea, born from a long history of eugenicist, biological-determinism-rooted thinking. And is this really a surprise?

Gojo wants massive, fundamental reform for the world of Jujutsu. He has gone out of his way on several occasions to intervene in the going-ons of the fucked up system he takes part in. Yuta and Yuji's executions, Megumi's sale, and has on more than one occasion threatened to simply massacre the elders of the different clans and the various schools if he thought that it would be the easiest way for him to fix the problems he sees in that system.

But at the same time, Gojo is also quite literally the living result of the Jujutsu world's most powerful clan engaging in a centuries-long eugenics project themselves. He was not sent to real schools to gain an actual education, instead raised by the very people who selectively bred for dozens of generations to engineer the genetically perfect offspring, amongst other, equally stringent clans, all of whom engage in the exact same behavior. And all of this is all the more true when you remember that apparently, 80% of Jujutsu is already hard-coded into the body at one's very birth, neurologically and physiologically hard-wired from one's very conception. and Gojo, since his birth was told that he was the best among the best in a world literally bred for this kind of competition.

All of this, of course, happening in the country of Japan, very well known for its incredibly conservative, xenophobic views on race and outsiders in general. This entire thing just kind of reads as that guy you know who's pretty progressive but both of his parents are conservative so every once and a while he says something that's not reminds you his parents own a confederate shot glass you saw in the back of their cupboard.

These kinds of ideas are pervasive and seeping. They work their way into the bases of ideology, warping the very way one views the world and how they express that. Gojo is the literal poster child for everything wrong with the Jujutsu world, and actively fights against what it stands for. And yet, it is still the world that dictated how he grew up, how he was educated, how every part of him was developed until he developed the ability to do these things on his own. And even then, the developments that really cemented his disillusionment with the Jujutsu society were never anything that challenged his beliefs in the weird parasitic eugenics projects they engaged in, but the system itself. Doing the mental work to completely strip every part of that system, which you still actively engage in every day as a mentor figure, is not easy, and not something Gojo seemingly engaged in.

So TLDR, Gojo is not a "bigot". But his worldview is tainted by the very world which victimized him, and his perspective is warped by those who literally shaped the lenses through which he sees. No clarity from the Six Eyes is enough to ease the difficulty of introspection, I guess.

No, Gege is not engaging in character assassination. He's just playing into the world. And I appreciate that.

[johnwickb1tsch]

Rambling time again because-✨ late night thoughts ✨

So with each new chapter of bittersweet, (and the tex+john collab, which I could also ramble on for hours probably 😂) it's becoming more and more clear that John and the reader's relationship is currently like a stretched out elastic band. They're both very clear on what they want, they're both very stubborn about it, and aside from little sweet moments - or not so sweet moments 😏- here and there, they're basically getting pushed to the limits of their patience and sanity.

And it especially struck me with John, because let's be honest- The man is terrified of letting us go, letting our leash go in a metaphorical sense, in terms of something getting our of his control. It makes absolute sense with the life he lived, and especially with the amount of people he lost, Helen being the most relevant. Despite working for Ruska Roma and serving the Director during his early life, John has been in control for the most of his existence. He usually stays very cool and controlled from an outsider's view, but someone like Winston can easily see through him, and knows that he's anything but. He's calm, sure, but he's also impatient when it comes to things, hotheaded even if you look at the second movie - or any of them really - and what he did to Santino (who fucking deserved it, and I wanted to tap-dance on his corpse 😂). He's stubborn as a mule, and most importantly, he's not afraid to break the rules. Ever. Due to his skills, there really isn't many people who could hold his responsible if he does happen to break the rules either, and this also plays hand in hand with the fact that he was born and raised a morally dark/grey character. While all of this helps him a lot because he's practically unstoppable if he puts his mind to something, it also means that he is irrational, maybe even slightly delusional.

Have I mentioned that he's also very emotionally driven??? Look at him during the first 2 movies. The man went fucking bat-shit-crazy after people NOT disturbed him, but disrespected his late wife's memory, and pretty much ripped everything away from him that still tied him to Helen, - aside from their memories and his feelings - the very person who prompted this emotionally driven action from him to actually get out out of the life he once lived.

So now.. We have this extremely stubborn, and also extremely emotionally attached person, who lost pretty much everyone close to him, and is in fact very much so aware that his reputation means a death-sentence to pretty much anyone who interacts with him, INCLUDING little ol' us. So on a basic level, he is rightfully cautious and terrified, because people will not stop to consider whether they're bringing an innocent into this or not, they just want leverage over him.

This, combined with the fact that we, the reader, are also extremely stubborn (too), with a great amount of self-respect, an incredible display of self-esteem, and a set of although grey, but also pretty strict moral code, - where the lines do blur here and there depending on who does what, and why they do it - which he LOVES, however it also means that we're unpredictable. Attracted to him? Sure. Emotionally attached to him? Absolutely. But we're a strong individual and a free spirit, and that definitely made him doubt whether we would stay with him early on, (jealous!John intensifies 🤤) and is in fact actively making his paranoid that if he slips up, let's his defenses down, or maybe even becomes more lenient, we might be able to just slip out of his grasp, not that he'd ever allow it of course.

Buuuuuuuuuut- All of this is playing against him, against both of us really. While we might be able to get some kind of leverage over him the more he reveals, and the more time we spend learning the game, if there is to be a genuine relationship in the future like he wants there to be, like both of us want there to be really, he's doing this the wrong way, because he's basically trying to force it on us, and cage a free bird, thus the elastic band being stretched. And as we know, you can stretch an elastic band quite far, maybe even past it's limits sometimes, but at the end of the day, it will rip and it will snap back three times as hard, which is what I imagine will happen. Maybe not today, or not even tomorrow, but there is a limit to everything, including the patience of both characters, not to mention that John is already showing the signs of being tired with our constant stubbornness, (latest chapter 🤤) and if say.. He were to snap instead of us, it may very well snap us out of our helpless emotional state, in case he maybe were to overstep a line that he definitely shouldn't have.

Same goes for the reader. Poor girl is extremely strong, so, so strong, with an incredible sense of self-worth but there is a limit to that as well. She still hasn't quite processed that her family and friends practically abandoned her, and it's not like John's back and forth, their little cat and mouse games, or being punished for not behaving a certain way - which makes John an absolute hypocrite because unless he wants to change our personality completely, he should not be punishing us for showing signs of what he fell in love with, of who he fell in love with in the first place - are helping.. So honestly- I await whatever you have in store for us because it is going to be WILD.

Spooooky! LOL once again I have to ask if you've been rummaging in my WIP??? 😂 You make so many excellent points!

Especially that John's excessive enemies would definitely fuel his paranoia for keeping this girl under lock and key, after EVERYTHING he's lost. 🎡��� It's like it's just not enough to be John Fucking Wick. These idiots keep testing him, even though they should absolutely fucking know he's going to kill them all in the end. BUT that doesn't help you if you're the collateral damage...

AND he IS such a hypocrite because of course he fell in love with her for her independent nature, but he wants to be the one to bring her to heel, for his own peace of mind? I think she's into it to a point because she's never really met anyone who could do it (and still retain her love). It's new and mysterious but once the shine wears off and she gets her feet (because shit what are we on? Like day 2? 3? He's going to find out how stubborn she can really be. You're right, something's going to snap.

[domesticadventures]

i've decided once again not to respond to my former boss's insane emails, though before i deleted this new one i did forward it to some of the other folks at the firm who used to work with her as well, and it's unsurprising but still gratifying to hear them echo my own sentiments, which are basically that her email was incredibly arrogant and gives the impression that she still completely lacks any sense of self-awareness and over the past 5 years has not managed to look inward literally at all lol.

the first paragraph of her most recent missive was her apologizing but gave the impression that she didn't understand exactly what she was apologizing for. like she clearly understands i'm angry with her but still doesn't seem to understand why i'm angry. and like yeah there are the various things she did that one could (and which i did) find morally/ideologically repugnant, as i touched on here, but if i'm being honest with myself, what was actually more upsetting were the more mundane things she did that just affected me personally, as i alluded to here.

like the stuff with my sister - i believe in the absolute right to abortion despite my personal offense at her saying to me, a person whose sister has downs, that she would have aborted a kid simply because they had downs, but what actually made me so angry that i was shaking was her confident statement to a coworker that i just "didn't understand about the loss of expectations" despite the gap between expectations and reality being a pretty significant source of strife in my family. the moment that i describe in this post - the one where i sat on my mom's lap and cried and begged her not to leave - remains one of my clearest memories from that time, more than 25 years later.

and then of course just the daily annoyances that came with working with her. i remember in the last couple years, we would meet as we always had to go over her cases and i would wind up having to repeat things, no joke, sometimes 4 times because she was distracted playing on her phone. and it's not that she was doing anything important - she was like, scrolling fucking facebook and instagram. so one time i called her out on it, and she said something to the effect of "if you're going to be like that, i have other things i can be doing," which was of course fucking stupid because i was out-billing her at like a 2:1 ratio at the time, what did she have to be doing that was more important than going over her cases so i could keep her whole stupid practice running? anyway. she subsequently promised to be better about it and then almost immediately broke that promise and then acted like i was being unreasonable when i got annoyed about it. her promises are literally not worth the breath it takes to speak them lol.

or even like, there was one day where i was busting my ass because it was the biggest deadline day of the month for the type of law she was practicing at that point, and while i was frantically trying to get everything done in time, she was sitting in her office with her spouse loudly making vacation plans.

and the rest of the email was like - i mean it's the same shit it's always been, which is her being unable to view other people through any lens other than that of what they can do for her. she's sorry if she hurt me! she wants so badly to work with me again! she misses my wit and my good work! she wants to have a relationship with me again whether personal or professional! love and light but my life has gotten massively better since i moved halfway across the country and broke off all contact with her lol.

anyway. it's weird because in reading her recent email, which also included some personal updates, i was reminded that i didn't always feel this way about her. i mean, i know that at one point i loved her - it's documented in my posts on this very blog - but whatever affection i felt towards her has been so layered over with [gestures] everything else that at this point i can no longer touch it. nowadays i only know what it feels like to be alternately angry with / disappointed in / sad for her. the last one is more recent and has come as somewhat of a surprise. i guess it's just that it seems like being her must be exhausting (she always reminds me of the ending of gone girl - "every morning you have to wake up and be you"). i do genuinely hope, in spite of all prior evidence and experience, that she someday manages to change for the better. i just don't plan to be a part of that process, lol.