#which in turn has i think desensitized me to this when i was talking with anyone i was actually interested in

[destructionprincess]

i have this fear that some creepy person is reading this blog and waiting for me to be vulnerable and attack me somehow idk how just messaging me probably at a time when I feel bad and I'd just let myself get hurt because why not

please be kind to me

[broodingheroine]

list of weird things I want to hear in a case file in tmagp:

baker (or just a person making their own bread) getting progressively more paranoid about the bubbles in their sourdough starter being sentient

teenager on some sort of social media talking about how the clothes pile on their chair looks at them in the dark

very cliche tree branch shadow tapping on someone's window in the middle of the night but it's actually an evil tree

I want more haunted theaters. It can never be overdone.

musician finds the one out of tune key on their piano deeply disconcerting to the point of obsession

someone gets a splinter and can't quite seem to get it out..... they keep digging for hours

avalanche. being stuck under the snow and not being able to tell which way is up.

story of someone who got stuck in an office building all alone and couldn't find the exit but there's just enough details similar to the oiar building that it freaks someone out.

worm sex part 2: electric boogaloo

someone with frost bite who couldn't stop rubbing their arms even though the skin was getting shredded from the ice particles :) flesh

everytime someone gets their picture taken, even if it's a candid, the result is them staring dead into the lense. even if they were turned the opposite direction when it was taken. they avoid cameras now.

someone's voice cannot be recorded and they start to question whether or not they're real.

furbiez.

someone who realizes everyone they've ever known has forgotten them. kind of an inverse not!them where they're the only one who knows themselves.

apartment complex finds body in their water tank, people had been drinking corpse water, one of the tenants obsesses over it and starts putting more bodies in the tank to get the ✨️flavor✨️ back.

love induced cannibalism and I want that shit genuinely romanticized. like i want it portrayed as if it's the most reasonable thing on earth to consume your loved ones.

time loop. except the person in the time loop is there so long they get desensitized and start just having fun with it. the time it finally stops looping is when they've done the most heinous thing they could think of and then they have to live with it.

might add more if they occur to me

[idkwhatever580]

Are you mad?

Masterlist

Pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader

Prompt: Natasha is jealous and y/n is a bit sensitive. Y/n overthinks wayyyy too much.

Warnings: slightly toxic nat (in the middle), cheating accusations, cussing, lmk if there’s any I missed.

A/N: I have a good idea for this but idk if it’s gonna turn out. Lmk if you like it and my requests are open! Also she’s so pretty like pepper spray me pleeeeeeaaassseeeee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s pov

Another night full of loud noises and bright lights. This party had no significance. No birthday, no win, no nothing. But Tony Stark will always find something.

Even if it is nothing. He will use it.

So like I was saying, I’m sitting here at this party just wanting to go back to my room. But unfortunately I need to be here for publicity purposes.

I make it through most of the party with minimal effort. Not many people have the urge to talk to me aside from the occasional drunk person. But Bruce comes up to me and sits down with his drink.

Like me, bruce doesn’t really do big interactions and stuff.

Natasha on the other hand, is one of our most popular avengers and the most sought after. So she must deal with people all night. I don’t mind though. She has her fun. And I watch.

Bruce cuts into my thinking with a sigh and I look over at him and say

“Penny for your thoughts?”

He looks at me and shakes his head a bit.

I nod knowing sometimes people just don’t want to talk. But I still leave the offer open.

“Well, if you need to talk I’m here till Natasha gets drunk. Which, knowing her, won’t be for a while.”

He sighs again after a while and turns to me and says

“I like this girl”

I immediately perk up and say

“Ooh! What’s her name? Do I know her?”

He blushes and nods and says

“Who she is is not the problem I’m having”

And I nod my head and say

“Right… so… what is the problem?”

He thinks for a bit and says

“How do I know that she will want me even after she sees the other guy.”

I sigh and take a minute to think about it. That’s a tough one and I don’t want to say the wrong thing. After a second I decide to try a different approach.

“Why don’t you think she will like you?”

He gets a bit awkward and says

“Well, you’ve seen the other guy. You know how he is. How could anybody love a monster like me?”

I frown and say

“I don’t think you’re a monster”

He scoffs and brushes my comment aside and I tilt my head and I say

“Do you think I’m a monster?”

He looks at me and says

“No! No you’re not a monster!”

I nod my head and figure out where I’m going to go with it.

“Do you think Natasha, or Wanda, or the rest of the team are monsters?”

He shakes his head and once again says

“No! I’d never think that about you guys”

I give him a look and then say

“So what makes you think we would think of you any different? Or better yet, she”

He thinks and says

“Well- the other guy, he’s dangerous and scary. And he hurts people”

I nod my head for him to continue

“And I can’t control him.”

I nod my head and sigh. I think for a second while biting my cheek and I say

“Well. Like I was saying. We have all been dangerous and scary before. But that’s not what makes us us right?”

He nods his head and I continue

“And as for your worries about losing control, have you ever thought about the fact that you desensitize him?”

I reference hulk and he shakes his head

I nod mine and say

“Well, I think that maybe you are having a hard time controlling him because you’re constantly fighting with him, and you never really have given him the chance to be anything other than angry.”

He nods his head and says

“Yeah.”

I put my hand on his knee for reassurance and I say

“Bruce, if you take time to learn more about him and if you work with him instead of working against him, then maybe he’d be more willing to work with you as well. Maybe the switch between you and him would come easier even.”

He looks at me and says

“Well how would I do that?”

“Maybe give him a safe space. It sounds weird, but when I am feeling trapped and like I can’t breathe, I freak out and lash out on everyone. Maybe he does the same. Maybe if you give him a space where he doesn’t feel any pressure, then he might be able to work with you better”

He nods his head understanding and says

“Thank you y/n, you always have the best advice”

We hug each other and I say

“Now go get Dr. Cho.”

I smirk when he blushes and I say

“I knew you had a little crush the whole time. Sorry. I couldn’t help but let you have your moment though”

He laughs it off and gets up to go talk with her.

What I didn’t see happening during our conversation is Natasha.

I turn around to see her starring daggers into my soul. I walk over to her with a confused look and say

“Hey baby!”

She has a really tight grip on her drink so I softly take it from her and hand it to a random person who gladly takes it.

She grabs my hand and pulls me to an empty hallway and as she’s pulling me her grip on my wrist hurts and I say

“Ow! Baby you’re hurting me”

She grips tighter as if she doesn’t even hear me. Or maybe she does and just doesn’t care.

She only lets go when we’re in the hallway and I say

“What’s wrong?”

I rub my wrist which now has a growing red mark on it and she says

“What’s going on with you and Bruce?!”

I look at her confused and she says

“Huh? Are you just gonna sit there acting dumb or are you gonna answer me?!”

Her voice is laced with venom. And I say

“Baby I don’t know what you’re talking about”

She huffs and says

“You and Banner! You think I wouldn’t see how you were both giving each other googly eyes and how you put your hand on his knee?! And that hug! God that hug was so touchy!!”

I furrow my eyebrows and say

“Baby nothing is going on between us! He was asking for help about a crush. And I also talked to him about hulk”

She scoffs and says

“You’re lying to me. You’re such a fucking cheater!”

she goes to walk away but I say

“Wait! You don’t get to call me that and just walk away! I didn’t do anything baby”

I try to think on my toes since if I don’t act fast she’s leaving. So I do what my heart says to do.

I pull her into me for a kiss and she melts into it. Once I pull away I know she is calmed down a bit and I brush some stray hairs from her face and say

“Baby, I would never ever in a million years cheat on you. I’m sorry it looked like that but I can assure you I only have eyes for you. And he likes Cho anyways”

She sighs and mumbles

“You’re right. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry”

I nod my head and say

“We’ve still got a few hours before the party is over. We better get back out there before we get in trouble”

She nods her head and leaves promptly. I take a minute and let out a breath. She didn’t even say I love you to me. No kiss. No nothing. Just left.

I look down and my now slightly raw wrist. I sigh and roll my eyes knowing that I have to cover this up before going back so I run to my room and use my makeup skills to cover it up and for good measure I put on a few bracelets. Then I head back down to the stupid party.

I sit in a corner hiding from everyone even more than before. And I think about Natasha. I immediately get lost in my thoughts.

Did it really look like I was cheating? Maybe it did. Maybe I was cheating. I mean. That hand on his knee was weird I guess. I thought I was comforting him though. Oh my god. I was cheating on Natasha! She had every right to be mad at me. God I’m such a bad girlfriend. She should have broken up with me!

“Y/n?”

I snap back into reality when Wanda waves her hand in my face.

She looks worried. I furrow my eyebrows when I feel hot liquid running down my cheeks.

I reach up to touch it and realize I’m crying. I softly look back up at Wanda and then before she can say anything I bolt.

I run to my old room. I don’t stay here anymore since I’ve moved into Natasha’s room.

But there’s still some essential things in there in case someone needs a place to stay.

That someone is apparently me now.

I can’t go back to Natasha. I can’t face her. I’m a fucking cheater. She hates me. That’s why she didn’t say she loves me when she left.

She must not have known how to break up with me. So she just walked away and that’s how she broke up with me.

I snap back out of my thoughts once again and I get in my pajamas and in my bed. It’s not comfortable at all.

I’m only comfy when Natasha is with me. When her warm touch combats my cold one.

Guess Im never gonna be comfortable again. She is leaving me.

A soft knock comes from my door about an hour later. I check the time and see that the party is probably over by now.

I don’t answer but they come in anyways.

“Y/n?”

I look over and see Wanda and she immediately comes over to me and envelopes me in a hug.

“What’s wrong sestra?”

I shrug my shoulders and she says

“Don’t shut me out. Please. It’ll only make whatever is happening worse. Please talk to me”

I sigh knowing she’s right and I try to find the right words but I can’t so I just blurt out

“I cheated on Natasha!”

Her eyes widen in shock but she quickly recovers the best she can and tries to assess the situation before making assumptions.

“Okay. Um. What happened? With who?”

I look down and say

“With Bruce”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“I thought you were only interested in girls?”

I nod my head and tears are falling but I don’t let them affect me

“I am! I’m only interested in Natasha!”

She is confused and she says

“Okay then how did you cheat on her?”

“Well. During the party Bruce came to me about his crush on Dr. Cho, and I ended up talking with him about her and the hulk. I tried to be comforting for him and I put my hand on his knee. Then we hugged and I went to Natasha and she pulled me out and yelled at me and got all sideways. Then when I tried to clear it up she agreed with it and dropped it but when she left back to the party she didn’t kiss me or say I love you to me or anything! So she just didn’t know how to break up with me for cheating on her!”

Wanda listens to my rant but before I can go any further she stops me and says

“Y/n you did not cheat on Natasha. Sure she might be a bit salty but you didn’t do anything wrong okay?”

I sniffle and nod my head and say

“But she still doesn’t want me”

Wanda shakes her head and says

“No. That’s not true. She loves you. You just need to talk to her about it okay? I’m sure she is missing you right now”

Right as Wanda says that, we hear another knock from the door. And in comes Natasha.

“Y/n? Are you in here?”

She says softly and then sees us together and says

“Oh. Hey.. Are you alright?”

I sniff and nod my head still thinking she is mad at me and Wanda gets up to leave. I try to make her stay but she whispers softly that I need to talk to nat about it.

Wanda goes to nat and says

“Listen and talk okay?”

Nat nods her head and immediately after Wanda steps out she rushes to me and says

“What’s wrong baby?”

I sniffle again. Damn snot. Then I whimper out.

“Are you mad at me?”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“Why would I be mad at you baby?”

I shrugged my shoulders shutting down a bit but Natasha knows this all too well.

“Baby don’t shut me out. Tell me please”

I sigh once again and say

“You were so mad when you said I cheated on you.”

She shakes her head a bit and says

“No. I was not thinking straight. I let jealousy overtake my reasoning and I blew up at you. It was wrong of me.”

I look up at her and say

“So you’re not leaving me?”

She laughs a bit and says

“You didn’t think you could get rid of me that easily did you?”

I giggle a bit from her laughter and I shrug my shoulders saying

“I dunno.”

She pulls me into a tight hug and whispers in my ear

“Baby. I am not breaking up with you. Not now not ever.”

I sigh at her reassurance and nod my head. Then I yawn and she says

“You wanna head back to our room?”

I nod my head and say

“Can we cuddle?”

She frowns at me and immediately gets tense and says

“No”

She starts walking away and I look at her in surprise and bow my head low and say

“Oh. Okay”

I trail behind her and she turns around and starts laughing and says

“Baby I was kidding. Of course we can cuddle”

I look at her and immediately get excited again. She holds her arms open for me and says

“Come here detka”

I run into her arms and hug her. Then she ends up picking me up and carrying me to our room.

She carries me to our room and since I’m already in my pajamas, she just plops me on the bed and gives me a kiss.

Then she trails her kisses down to my neck and I say

“Baby not tonight I’m tired”

She doesn’t listen and keeps kissing me. I go to say something and she suddenly blows a raspberry into my neck and makes me laugh and I say

“Stop! Stop! That tickles!!”

She giggles and pulls away and says

“Sorry. I had to”

I smile and hold my arms out for her to cuddle with me but she pulls away and I pout.

She smiles and says

“I have to get changed first baby. This dress is uncomfortable”

I nod my head and curl up in our sheets.

She comes back and snuggles up behind me. She decides to reassure me once again and says

“I’ll never leave you. Not in a million years.”

I smile and say

“I love you”

She kisses my shoulder and says

“I love you more”

I smirk and combat

“I love you most”

She giggles at our little battle and says

“I love you mostest”

I smirk and say

“I loved you first”

And she scoffs and shoved my shoulder a bit saying

“You can’t use that! It’s not fair!”

I smile at her and say

“Life’s not fair. Suck it up buttercup”

She smiles and kisses my lips and says

“Sleep detka. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow”

I smile and close my eyes softly.

“I love you”

I hear Natasha mumble into my neck and I squeeze the hand that’s wrapped around my waist a bit to say it back without words.

I love you too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: man that took a while. I forgot about this one lol. Don’t forget I take requests!! Not gonna lie I was way too nice to Bruce in this one. I love me some good Bruce slander. So I might make a fic with Bruce slander lolololollll (it’s not the fact that I hate him. It’s the fact that he likes my girl)

[3liza]

part of the elsagate videos issue that is never ever addressed in any article or video I've seen about it is why do parents let their kids watch YouTube unsupervised. my parents divorced when I was six. my father is a 100% disabled veteran and my mom worked full time and basically single parented two children. NEITHER OF THEM allowed us to read, watch tv or use the computer with a lack of supervision sufficient to not notice what we were watching and immediately getting involved if something was weird, until we were probably 11 or 12 years old (which is a pretty typical time for kids to transition to spending a lot of time unsupervised and making their own decisions about their free time).

no one in any of the articles or videos I've seen on the disturbing YouTube kids content issue has ever straight up asked a parent: "why are you putting an internet-enabled tablet into the hands of a three year old and walking away?" none of the explanations for it (busy, tired, making dinner, poor, whatever) besides idk, severe disability to the point of child neglect, explain this level of lack of supervision. my parents were variously severely disabled and impoverished and working and making dinner and if tablets had been a thing, they just wouldn't have given them unsupervised to a very young child. you can entertain a 3 year old with conversation, drawing, picture books, or if they're on a tablet you can just turn off autoplay or make a playlist of videos you've already checked! you can make those playlists loop! my parents did not put us on the couch in front of unsupervised cable television either, which did exist at the time, even though a lot of my friends the same age did get ignored in front of a tv even if they had wealthier parents who had more free time. "people think YouTube Kids is safe" is another explanation I've heard. why? there's no reason for them to think that. no one has ever told anyone on earth that the internet is safe for kids, in fact we have all heard exactly the opposite. every pediatrician on the face of the earth has been begging parents to reduce screen time as much as possible for the past fifteen years. I don't respect that explanation, that "YouTube kids looks safe", any more than I would respect someone choosing to believe any other obviously-bullshit advertising from a major corporation.

I've also never seen any journalist try to interview the actual children who watch this stuff. are they okay? what are their daily lives like? how did this stuff first show up for them? we can make some assumptions about that, some of it is just autoplay etc but the specifics are important, including the specifics of their parents' behavior around giving them electronics access + no supervision.

the oldest elsagate kids are now old enough to post on their own and there is a thread on reddit asking them to talk about the effect the videos had on them. I'm sure a lot of them are completely fine, kids are resilient, but a lot of them self-report that they strongly feel they are not okay with it, feel they were permanently traumatized, desensitized, and that they have developed serious and intrusive paraphilias that do negatively affect their lives.

I sincerely do not get it. I just don't. it's the pathological lack of interest in your own child that really gets to me. it's weird, we let our children take any knife from the kitchen that they wanted to play with while we were making dinner and you will never guess what happened next!

[meili-sheep]

Genuinely disgusted by how people keep victim blaming Diluc, saying Diluc is the source of all of kaeya's problems. And some of the people slandering Diluc are Diluc fans themselves!

Don't get me started on the "jokes" this fandom writes about him. I personally don't think physical violence or 'characters getting blamed for something they didn't do' are funny jokes.

I'm so tired.

Wish people would realise how shitty of a person kaeya is. It doesn't help that Genshin rewrote kaeya to make him likeable.

(Kaeya and collei are friendly with each other, Kaeya babysitting klee when she already has albedo)

Sorry for rambling. I'm sick of how terribly Diluc is getting treated. And I am avoiding most of the fandom, but I still end up running into these people.

Honestly, like Diluc low-key has been getting shafted for a while. In the fandom and in canon.

And the only reason I think that he's been kept in Mihoyo's basement is because his lore is just so end game heavy. So that's why he hasn't popped up again. I think Mihoyo realized that the traveler could just ask Diluc shit, and he'd be able to solve like 70% of their problems.

As for the fandom. I personally am both fascinated by fandom as a method of looking at people's social interaction and as a method of studying their interruptions of media in a creative way. But also holy cow does it suck to be in here sometimes. And I feel I am desensitized to people's shitty takes on Kaeya and Diluc. Partly because well. I'm a Jason Todd fan, so I've been having the shit beating out of me since like 2014 (when I got into superhero comics). And I do see a lot of parallels between fan interruptions, Bruce's relationship with Jason and Kaeya and Diluc. Like Bruce has deeply wronged Jason. And I'm not talking Under the Red Hood, I'm like talking RHatO #25 and whatever the hell was happening in Gotham War (I'm honestly trying to forget that). And so has Kaeya. Like Man is not that stupid, his decision to tell Diluc that was entirely selfish. You have to have like no emotional intelligence to do what Kaeya did. And Kaeya had consistently proven he does have that. He had a great moment of weakness and now continues to be too weak to actually apologize. He's also dense in a way I'm not a fan of. Because if you really think he's gonna be a spy and betray Mondstadt I would ask you to take a literature course to expand your critical thinking and analytical skills. Because it would make no sense. Like he might for like half a second, but then he's gonna turn around.

Anyway. If you want a piece of advice, the only advice I can give you is to not engage and let it roll off your back. You're welcome to come here and bitch if you want. As I am the Hate Crepus corner. And I'd say I'd warmed up the Kaeya but honesty I think I've just warm up to how *I* write him which is different.

On a positive note, I'm working on a theory that Jason Todd and Diluc Ragnvindr are Lesbian Wraith characters. No, I will not explain at this time.

[bewaretheidesofmarchyall]

what the fuck is the Wire Mother book. Sociology has lore now?

oh boy okay

so you remember the Divergent books? the YA boom of the early 2010's? The Wire Mother was one of those series. they turned the Harlow's monkey experiments into dystopia factions.

yeah. i know. bear with me

The first book, The Wire Mother (2010) is pretty standard YA dystopia fare. There's this girl named Leo Groves (the Leo's short for Leonore) who lives in the court of the Cloth Mother, a city where people live in comfort and camaraderie and a general vibe of hold hands around the campfire and sing, except for the people who die at random. This is accepted with unsettling what-can-you-do calm from the main characters. (Eventually, it's revealed that's happening because only a 1/5th of the food served in the city is real, so most of the people are dropping dead of starvation but their bodies are quickly hurried away as to not kill the vibe, so no one worries all that much about it).

Which could have been cool speculative fiction! A handy story about desensitization to violence or complacency or something. Unfortunately, this was 2010 YA, so the concept is quickly kicked under the bed in favor of. yeah. A love triangle. Leo, being a special little narratively significant thing, finds her way to the mysterious other city on the other side of her hometown, the court of the Wire Mother. And when she's there, she meets a boy. Coil 54810.

Coil goddamn 54810.

That brooding son of a bitch. His last name is 54810 because the concept of last names and family doesn't exist in the court of the Wire Mother, only functionality, so 54810 is just the number of Coils there's been in the city. He's not a clone or anything, it's just the amount of people who've had that name. It's like being named Jeremy 54810. Killer of plot pacing. Swoopy of hair. He would have deserved to be named Jeremy.

God, anyway, I'm talking a lot about this. Anyway: The Wire Mother is exactly as good as the average YA dystopia book from the time period. It has some high points (the Cloth and Wire mother are cool ominously looming entities, and the main antagonist Jane-Mary has a level of batshit mad science energy to her that makes her the most fun villain in the series) and some low points (the forced Romeo and Juliet references. the forced romance. It is so clear that Benjamin St. Jobs, the other guy in the love triangle, doesn't stand a chance, but we have to keep who-will-it-be-ing for so long anyway. And Coil's a dick), but it mostly just balances out.

There were three more books in the series. There was supposed to be four, but. Well

Anyway. Book Two, The Wire Mother: Hounds' Toll (2012), actually kind of slapped. It went to more tragic and horror-influenced places than the original book. One thing I'll give Angela Lee (the author) credit for: I don't think this was a sequel for the sake of having a sequel. I think that the series was always supposed to be a pentalogy.

Some of the stuff in this book has still stuck with me to this day- I have to hold myself back from adding ominously ringing church bells in so many of my projects. Also, it really filled out Leo Groves as a protagonist- I could take or leave her in the first book, but I started to genuinely like her by the second. And the stuff they do with Stellarose Ardent, her best friend turned rival... God, I could make a whole post about Stellarose Ardent.

this book series is good, readers thought. surely the third book will be as good if not better

THE THIRD BOOK WAS HELL. The Wire Mother: Ordained Voltage (2013)...I think it did everything wrong. There was a reason that there was a two year break between the first two books, and book three being out only a year after Hounds' Toll really shows.

It's incredibly rushed. Leo barely gets to do anything. Stellarose is killed off in the most unsatisfying way possible. And while it seemed like Book Two had neatly put the love triangle to bed, no! It claws its way out of its grave!! To torment me specifically!

The only good thing we got out of this car wreck is Anesthesia 3, lab rat girl and apocalypse maiden extraordinaire. I adore her. She's got real Fish Inside A Birdcage vibes. Everything else, though? Horrors.

But readers held out hope. At least the characters ended up trapped in an interesting setting at the end of book three. The merciless, multi-layered prison of Tithonus, the central antagonist of the series. It seemed like that was a good set-up for a prison escape storyline. Those have to be entertaining, right?

Somehow, some way, no. Book Four, The Wire Mother: Endless Sentence (2014) is not just bad. I could forgive bad. But it is bad, and it is boring.

so boring that I'm not even going to waste my words on it. It's a school night. I'm not staying up to describe that thing. The only interesting thing about it is how it could manage to be boring while being an homage to the fucking Stanford Prison experiments.

And that was the end of a lot of people's hopes for the Wire Mother series. Only one good book out of four isn't a great track record, you know? A lot of readers were willing to put Hounds' Toll down as a one-off.

Then, in November of 2014, the preview for Book Five, The Wire Mother: Quantum Claws came out. It was three chapters long. And people lost their shit.

First of all, it was good. Maybe as good as Hounds' Toll. Maybe better.

But more than that, it was a break from the relatively grounded, safe, company standard dystopia of the series. Because this bad boy was going to be about time travel. Tithonus, in his evil plans to live forever, had built a time machine and activated it just at the right moment when the plucky heroes were about to kill him once and for all.

Which seems like something that would be a train wreck, right? If this author can't handle the easy-to-please tropes of prison breaks and romance, what business does she have trying to handle a time travel story without completely fucking up the series?

And maybe that would have been true. But the first three chapters were insanely promising. They were refreshing, original- they got time travel. We were able to get characters like Stellarose and Jane-Mary and Turpentine back after the story cast them aside so soon. And it promised to really examine what Leo Groves meant for the book's world. So, hopes rose again.

Unfortunately, we'll never know if it would have been good or bad. The fifth book was never published. We don't know why. It was just promised, for months and months, and then. Poof. The updates stopped. It was gone.

And it haunts me. If you haven't stopped reading by now, you can probably tell that. The fandom was like a fraction of the size of the Divergent fandom, and I don't know anyone IRL who's read these things. I don't even know if I can or should recommend them.

But sometimes something doesn't have to be a literary masterpiece to burrow into your brain and not let go, I guess ASJSJS

[phobiasupdates]

!Omori AU Dump! pt. 1

This is an AU dump for A Bouquet of Rotten Diphylleia, made solely by me. I will also post all chapters here once I finish and re-edit them, that way those who don't use Ao3, or don't like Ao3, can read it.

This is basically going to be one of five(?) large AU dumps that I do for ABoRD. I don't exactly plan to continue the series, which is why I'm making this, just for anyone who might be curious of the lore.

(AU dump below cut)

This AU mainly derives from the fact that Mari committed suicide, and was not killed by Sunny, nor framed by Basil.

Sunny and Basil were the two who found Mari's hanged body the week of the recital, which still kind of links the two through her death. Sunny blames himself for Mari's commitment considering the fact that he had been the one not wanting to do the recital. Doesn't help that Sunny was the only one who knew that she had tried to commit a year before and had only been unsuccessful because Sunny had managed to stop her before she could. (She tried to drown herself in the lake, but Sunny had found her at the lake's edge.)

Sunny had created whitespace first to desensitize himself from the outside world. He hated the thought of Mari having actually committed. Hated the thought that he could've been the cause. He decided to turn to his own mind, where he could make up delusions and fantasies. He basically altered all of his recollections and memories of Mari, making her a "happier" person overall. Much more like canon Mari is in the game, minus the numerous Something references and underlying sense of "this isn't right" the game gives.

After making himself a blank-ish slate, he created Headspace. He realized that he himself was starting to feel overall worse and needed something to drive him away from the thoughts of self-harm and suicide. He feels guilty feeling those emotions since it always reminds him of Mari, and he knows it isn't exactly a healthy way to think.

Whitespace quickly turned into "Grayspace" an AU adaptation of his faltering mentality. He knows he is repressing everything, knows that it isn't right. It makes him feel guilty, which makes it difficult for him to disconnect from reality. He's very aware that he is mentally messed up, and that in itself creates a loop of relapsing.

Blackspace is where he goes when he has a particularly bad relapse, of which he's very aware of its presence. He knows Stranger and the Somethings, even talks to them. This differs from the in-game interactions where he like... never really interacts with them. Omori is also a Blackspace entity, mostly his voice of reasoning, and is not the vessel he uses for himself within Headspace. (Sunny is Sunny)

Basil visits during his years of isolation, creating a sort of co-dependency on the flower boy's side. He feels like he can really only confide in Sunny with most things considering the secrets they share between each other. (Sunny telling Basil that Mari had been suicidal for years. Basil confessing that he thinks about committing more often than not. Sunny telling Basil about headspace. Basil updating Sunny on everything that happens in Faraway. And more.)

At some point Sunny does re-emerge, about when he's 17 in this AU, and tries to catch up in his academics. He's able to finish all of middle/high school within two years since Basil had helped Sunny with his education during his Hikikomori phase. They both got back together with Aubrey and Kel during the time Sunny began to catch up in school, of which they all made a pact to wait for Sunny to finish school before they would all then go to college together.

During college, this dependency between Sunny and Basil grows into a twisted mangle of vines, where they eventually end up going to college. They room together for money reasons... and their festering dependency on one another.

The fic for this specifically takes place during the college phase, meant to show the bigger impact the trauma and dependency had on the two of them. Aka, how Basil's sickness had really only set in after Mari's death due to stress, anxiety, and the overall lack of self-care. (It's hinted at that Basil doesn't take his prescriptions.) And that Sunny's become a less emotional person who clings onto Basil for support. (You can see this in Sunny's POV, as he focuses very intently on Basil no matter what happens. He's less focused on his own emotions and words, and is much more intent on dissecting Basil's every movement.)

(Part 1 of 5)

Part 2 will focus on the details of Mari and Sunny's relationship, and why she had even committed in the first place.

Part 3 will focus on Sunny and Basil's growing dependency for the other over the year.

Part 4 will focus on Whitespace, Grayspace, Headspace, and Blackspace, both creation, design, and interaction-wise.

Part 5 will explain the college segment and A Bouquet of Rotten Diphylleia, will also include the official ending to this AU. (Hint: It's not a happy one.)

Thanks for reading through this, and showing some interest in this AU! (AU is called ABoRD)

My main blog is @faceyourphobia, where I ramble and actually interact with people. (This is my update/writing blog, so please reach out to my main blog if you want to get to know me!)

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S06E08

Another good episode. As a disclaimer, I’ve had a pretty specific idea of how this episode should be like, so I went in a little bit negatively predisposed. Also, these aren't in order. Sorry.

I remember the dead guy. He was in the episode with Meghan Ory’s character, the first one of the two.

“He’s dead. Are you happy?” Calm down, ma’am, you’re giving him reasons to be stupidly self-sacrificing.

Joe: Charlie no. Charlie: Charlie yes.

“We’re going to transfer all the inmates I’ve arrested out of the prison.” You’ll… what… now?

“I’ll find your killer and get rid of your drug problem”. And also fix your plumbing (oh, wait), clean your laundry, and create a gourmet menu for your prison.

Okay they did find a good reason for Rex to be in there. I'd still have preferred Charlie alone in prison and Rex investigating on the outside.

I hate this hairstyle. There, I said it. However, it’s more fitting to prison inmate Chuck than what Charlie has had all season so far as a cop. Which has actually been tolerable as an image despite not fitting the character, and I refuse to spend more time on that because I keep seeing it being commented on and when this keeps happening, I feel bad.

I think I know the actor who plays Charlie’s prison bunkmate but I can’t place him.

Charlie displayed a lot of badassery in this episode. Also, I think John Reardon did some good work acting wise in this one.

Charlie said “I love you”, “babe”, “you’re the hottest woman I’ve ever seen”, “sweetheart” to Sarah, and all of that while he was undercover in prison and through the phone??? Who do I talk to about this? How was there not a better moment for this? It’s like they wanted to throw these words out in the open in the least romantic way possible.

The way I hate “babe” and yet every single couple I ship is using it… They’re lucky I’ve been desensitized since Castle.

And Sarah’s facepalm on the other end lmao. It’s obviously not the first “I love you” at least. I wonder what she calls him.

I liked the instrumental music for the prison scenes. It was very much on point.

Damn, they put him in solitary for 24 hours. This couldn’t have awakened any claustrophobic feelings from a) the freezer b) the cave collapse, c) the coffin he was buried in d) the containers that almost turned him into a pancake? Come on, guys. Also, do they or do they not have solitary in Canada? It can’t keep changing according to the season.

Sarah worried because her idiot almost died in prison. Charlie finally (I might pass out) having a moment of weakness? Saying that he misses Sarah and Rex? I did not think I'd live to see it.

Jesse saying that they'd pull out Charlie if it gets too dangerous… This is way too optimistic. Realistically, he would have gotten shivved before anyone could do anything about it.

Rex totally wanted to maul that guy for injuring Charlie. Once again, why can’t we see him baring his teeth? German shepherds have scary canine teeth, they’re not just cute and cuddly.

I liked Joe as a guard. And interrogating the suspect, getting a bit handsy with him.

Detective Jesse Mills. Doing interrogations. Detecting lol

Bringing back a bad guy from S1? Interesting choice. I barely remember the guy. And wasn’t that episode like a collective fandom hallucination or something? When Charlie mentioned the guy had killed a kid I was like, oh so we haven’t seen that case. That’s how much I don’t remember that episode.

“Lots can change in that time” Charlie, you’re squeaky clean, bud. You tried to be “bad” in S4 and lasted for like four minutes.

Also, in every show I’ve seen, once a cop enters prison, no one cares whether he’s a disgraced cop. They’d want to kill him either way.

Either they shot the scenes of the prison yard in one day or it was raining all the days they had those scenes. Very gloomy weather, it added a bit of extra grime to the episode.

“Do you want to read the letters with me?” Absolutely not. He wants to go back home, hug his girlfriend and have a hot shower to wash the prison off of him. Maybe this all happened off screen already. I don’t care. I didn’t see it so it didn’t happen.

I liked the episode. It didn’t go my way at all but it’s understandable. I wanted some more danger towards the end, as people were catching on to the fact that Charlie was a cop. Also, Charlie had way too much communication with the team, I know it doesn’t make sense for me to not want that, but it also doesn’t make sense for an undercover cop in prison to be able to be in touch with almost every member of his team throughout the episode. Did I want a Charlie and Sarah scene in the end? Absolutely.

Promo: That is a pretty lame promo for what should be a character centric episode. It looks like a complete filler, devoid of character moements. I hope it will be a character centric episode and not a filler NCIS episode (because Navy). Hopefully it’s just lousy promo editing and not a lousy episode. Interesting choice for Charlie’s dad. And I know people might hate me for this, but I’ll say it anyway. I did prompt a few storylines to an AI model about Charlie facing off his dad, and the AI would always, always have his dad call him Charles. Fucking hell.

There’s no way Sarah is not meeting Charlie’s dad, right? I need to be reassured.

Dude seems so dismissive of Rex that I hope Rex bites him. He should be allowed to bite family members who are being assholes.

[heyrene]

Tips for dealing with first trimester symptoms that I wish I had known earlier

I have developed a theory that pregnancy symptoms are somehow designed to help you be ready for motherhood. Maybe the constant morning sickness is supposed to desensitize us to body fluids? Perhaps constipation helps prepare us for the big PUSH when that day finally comes? Is it not possible that we must wake up to pee at least once each night so that we have long forgotten what a solid night of sleep feels like by the time our little ones arrive?

Even if this theory is proven true, I think we can all agree that juggling these symptoms (plus many, many, many more) while simultaneously growing out of all our clothes and preparing for the incredible life change of parenthood that is only months away is quite enough to be dealing with...

Unfortunately, it is all just a part of the process to create new life... one that comes with a real steep learning curve. So, after going through it myself, here are some tips for dealing with pregnancy symptoms that I wish I had known earlier in first trimester!

Hunger during pregnancy is no joke. It can literally feel like life or death if you find yourself hungry with nothing to eat! Until you adjust to your new appetite and fully embrace your hobbit-like feeding schedule (second breakfast, anyone?), be prepared with snacks on hand literally all the time. Having snacks handy will stave off nuclear hanger until you can get yourself home (or to the nearest fast-food joint!). Maybe stick a pack of your favorite snack in your car or purse so you are always prepared in case of emergency. This is especially important if you are also dealing with nausea/morning sickness as being hungry can trigger these symptoms too.

Speaking of which, if you are unfortunate enough to deal with "morning" sickness (if only it was just the morning...), don't wait until your next OB appointment to bring it up. Reach out to them ASAP as they can prescribe a medication that will help with this awful symptom. Thankfully, Zofran (aka ondansetron) has been very effective for me as long as I take it at least once a day (and I still need it even in second trimester...). My only regret was waiting until my 8-week appointment to talk to my doctor. If this drug doesn't help you, talk with your OB about other options as there are definitely multiple solutions (or at least band-aids) to this problem!

In my experience, it is not a question of IF, but WHEN you will be dealing with constipation. I very rarely dealt with this previously, but it has been a constant battle for me since month 2 of pregnancy. Just go ahead get a fiber supplement whenever you pick up your prenatal vitamins, you will probably need it. And throw in some Miralax while you're at it, in case there are days where that fiber supplement just doesn't cut it.

Here's another fun one... You may just feel like a pile of walking garbage for most of first trimester. Literally. Vitamin B6 did not help me with the nausea or vomiting like a lot of stuff I was reading had suggested, but it did help me not feel so gross all the time... so it's probably worth a try if you are dealing with this symptom too.

Does your favorite comfort food suddenly make you feel like you could breathe fire (or at least burp lava)? Acid reflux during pregnancy is pretty miserable, but here's something you may not know (because I sure didn't). Pepcid is apparently WAY more effective than Tums at treating this symptom. I have had Tums on hand ever since I turned 30 but suddenly found myself taking like six a day and still feeling like a fire-breathing dragon. My OB recommended switching to Pepcid, and two a day is the most I've needed to take since the swap. SWITCH NOW!

Last but not least... If you were not a napper before you got pregnant, you will be soon. I usually NEVER nap during the day, but power naps are my new favorite post-lunch activity. Best to embrace this reality ASAP and find a way to fit it into your schedule if you can.

Bonus tip = invest in a nice eye mask if, like me, you need it to be dark to enjoy a nap. I love this one I got from Amazon = https://amzn.to/4fjfRnR. The cooling effect is marvelous, plus I think this will be nice to have in the hospital after delivery. Might as well get your ten dollars' worth by starting to use it sooner rather than later!

Oh, and one more thing. Don't forget to be patient with yourself. You may want to start moving furniture around or knocking out some home projects to get ready for the arrival of your new little bundle of joy... But if you are dealing with any combo of first trimester symptoms, you may need to adjust your physical expectations to the reality of being pregnant. Personally, I found myself breathless from going up one flight of stairs weeks before I even had a bump, even though I was pretty active pre-pregnancy! First trimester might be a good time to focus on more mental activities (though you'll need to be kind to yourself whenever you experience baby brain), such as putting together your baby registry or starting your invite list if you will have a baby shower. Try focusing your limited supply of physical energy on self-care and exercise, and maybe save the more ambitious pursuits for second trimester once your body has adjusted to being pregnant.

Can you relate to any of this advice? Any other tips you would share with a new expectant?

P.S. I am not a medical professional at all, this advice is just based on my personal experience. Always check with your OB if you are unsure about taking a new supplement, drug, or other over-the-counter medication.

[sleeplyparks]

First fic on this account, let’s go!!! This is just a silly story where Jeff & Sally r literally siblings guys. You don’t understand, look at them. I’m going insane.

Word Count — 1,511

Date — 2023-11-19

Note — this FIC does not include any romance at all, only platonic relationships are shown.

Scattered Drawings

The kid was weird, Jeff had decided that weeks ago when she had first came to the mansion. She had kept quiet, which was fine at first, then she started to follow him around the mansion like a lost dog.

“You have a shadow,” Tim comments from the sidelines, and Jeff has to bite back a remark. He knows he does, the little shit had been following him all morning! Everywhere he went, he had spotted a pink dress in the corner of his eye, and stare of two dull green eyes.

“Thanks, captian obvious.” He mutters, ignoring the look from Tim, and he most definitely refused to knowledge the sound of floor boards creaking just a couple inches away from him, instead prompting to grab some food from the cabinets.

Tim leaves the kitchen, meaning that Jeff is alone with the kid. He can feel her stare from be-hide him, he lets out a groan, turning around. “Fuck do you want?” He asks, tried and done of being trailed after.

She doesn’t answer, the only thing she does is bounce on her heels.

He frowns, looking the girl over— and really he should probably learn her name. “Can you talk?” He tries again, she just stares ahead with that creepy expression— he looks at her, slightly unnerved.

“Okkay then, do you want toast?” He questions, turning around to grab some bread from the cabinet, “can you even eat bread?”

He glances at her. She says nothing.

“You’re getting bread then,” He decides for her, passing the piece of probably stale bread at the girl. She looks at it, and for a second he thinks he has to ask if she knows what bread even is— but she smiles. “You gonn’ eat it?” She doesn’t answer.

Fuck, children we’re weird.

—

The next day, unpredictability, she follows him to breakfast. Eyeless Jack is at the dining table, and moves his head towards the sounds of him walking— his mask is slightly lifted to expose his mouth.

“Jeffery, you’re up early.” The demon comments, and jeff has to hold back a scoff because he was— its eight am, usually he wouldn’t wake till the hours passed noon, but a certain little shit had woken him up by walking into his room.

The same little shit that is currently following after him.

“Fuck you, man. You’re not the only one who can wake up early.” He says, sliding into a seat across from Jack. The other just raises an eyebrow, before frowning. “There’s another presence?” Fuck, Jeff was gonna punch him in the face. Who even says presence anymore? “Yeah’, the kid the big man picked up.” He says, but gets caught off guard by a tug on his sweater. He glances down, and dirty little fingers are gripping at the back of his hoodie.

He looks back at Jack— and yeah, well. He’s a bit of a unsettling dude to watch eat, especially when the thing he’s eating is quite literally a human limb. Sometimes, he forgets how desensitized most people in the mansion are to well… everything.

He looks at the girl, who seems to be worried— or scared? Fuck, he doesn’t know, but for some reason he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like seeing her.. being like that.

Before Jack can get a word in, he stands up, pushing his chair out from the table. “Well, nice chatting, jackie, but I gotta go.” He ignores how the girls hand is on the sleeve of his sweater now, following after him as he leaves the dining room.

—

Natalie, because of course it’s Natalie, who brings it up one day when they were trailing the forest.

“The new kid seems to like you.” She states, it’s not a question.

Jeff rolls his eyes. “Yeah, the fucker can’t seem to go a step away from me.” He was surprised when she hadn’t shown up to follow him on patrol, some part of him was worried. He ignored that. Natalie laughs, it’s sharp, ugly, but it’s Natalie, so it’s fine.

“Stuck to you like glue.” She laughs, he huffs.

“Hopefully she latches off, man. Maybe she’ll go to Jane or somethin’, give me a break.”

“Oh c’mon, I thought you would’ve liked the fact that she follows you around.”

“What?”

“‘Cause of your big ass ego, bigger than your forehead.” She snarks, and his eyes snap towards her, “I will stab you. I will stab you so good.” He narrows his eyes.

“Nah, I’m one of the only Proxies you like, you wouldn’t.” Natalie teases, it’s light hearted, but true. He bites his tongue. “Fuck you.” He says instead.

—

He comes back from patrol, and there’s blood on his pants and sweater. Some loser adults we’re trailing the woods, trying to hunt down something. He walks into his room, welcomed in by his usual mess of a bed and floor— changes clothes, but before he can lay in bed he spots a paper on his covers.

It’s, well. It’s a drawing, not a well crafted one, by any means— but it’s a drawing for him, with two stick figures, a girl with a triangle pink dress and a more taller stick figure with black scribbles for hair and a red mess for a hoodie.

In the corner, the very top corner, there’s a little name scribbled in hot pink crayon— the name Sally, with a little heart.

Oh. The girls name was sally.

Without a second thought, he gently— more gently than he has ever held something before, puts the drawing on his wall with some loose tape he had found from his drawer.

—

Unlike the past week, he doesn’t get woken up early. Instead, he wakes up at two in the afternoon— he can hear footsteps from downstairs, and mumbled talking as well.

He has an urge to roll over and go back to sleep, but he doesn’t. Instead he sluggishly throws on a white tank and some pants he had found on his floor— before heading downstairs.

He was halfway down the stairs when he realized there wasn’t any footsteps from be-hide him. He turns his head, and the girl— Sally, isn’t there. He shakes his head, and goes down to the kitchen, where Brian seems to be one second away from dying while Ben talks his ear off.

He goes through breakfast, has a slight chat with Brian about the bitch ass that is Masky, but Sally never comes around.

“Have you seen the kid?” He questions Ben, who seems to be more interested in getting to the next level on his video game, or whatever. “Uh, the little girl? Short brunette?” He nods, cause who the fuck else would he be talking about? “Nah, haven’t seen her.” He says, back to his game.

“Thanks, Ben.” He says, dryly, ignoring the chippy “you’re welcome!” he gets in return.

Because he’s dumb, it takes him fifteen minutes to realize that she’s probably in her room— the room that was originally a spare office, until the operator came back from a child. On the door, there’s a sign that has a very badly drawn stuffed bear with the name Sally next to it.

He knocks on the door, and there’s some movement, but no talking— he’s not really sure if the girl can talk, so he opens the door. Sally is sitting on the floor, papers scattered everywhere with crayons of all colours next to them. There’s some stuffed animals too.

She looks at him. He sits down, watching as she goes back to drawing her pictures.

“I got the drawing you gave me,” he starts, “I really like how you drew my.. well, everything. You’re quite good.” He.. he doesn’t know why he is complimenting her, he would be caught dead rather than give praise to another person. But, she was, she is different some how. Smaller? Younger? Innocent? He doesn’t know. He swallows hard in his throat.

He looks at the other drawings, there’s some of animals— but there’s another of a messily done mansion, and a couple stick figures, one he can pick out is him, of all people once again in the drawing. “Didn’t see you this morning, get bored of following me?” He teases, but it’s light hearted, he doesn’t except an answer but—

“It was loud.” She says quietly, and he’s taken back by how quiet her voice is— how rough it sounds like she’s been screaming for hours at a time and lost it on the way. He looks at her, “downstairs?” He asks, “it was loud, downstairs?”

She doesn’t answer, instead just shrugging before scribbling on paper.

“Well, Sal.” He starts, ignoring the quick look she gives him at the name, “If you don’t want to hang around those jackasses downstairs, my rooms always open. I have some cool shit in there, too.” He says, “I can teach you on how to throw a knife or some shit.” Jeff shrugs, but she smiles at the words.

He doesn’t know why he feels proud because of that.

[drdemonprince]

(I may have missed some posts but) Can you say more about your "autoandrophilia to hey I'm asexual again" cycle? It sounds a little different than me, but I'm curious about others' experiences along those lines bc I'm in an asexual phase for the second time in my life & trying to figure it out. 1st time my asexuality lasted ~5 years & seemed related to a toxic workplace (academia). I know asexuality is fine and lots of people are happy that way, and in some ways I was too and didn't miss it, but for me personally I was super happy when my sexuality came back. (Left academia too. Yay!) Then a few years later I started T and my sex drive increased. And then last fall I started a blood pressure med and my sex drive turned off like a light switch. I eventually quit both T and the blood pressure med (plan to go back on T someday, but never again the other med, it also made me depressed) but even after 5 months off it, sex drive has not come back. Plus, I have all this shame and disgust about the kink stuff I was super into while on T that I just can't shake. I fucking hate it. This is not a calm, content asexuality. (I do suddenly feel intense sex feelings at specific weird times but like it's fleeting and I can't bring it back.) So I guess I'd love to hear more of your experiences so I can think about it all from some different angles.

Oh I still very much have a high libido. Being asexual is independent of libido. I'm just not attracted to people.

This has always been the case to a large extent, but it is especially pronounced now that I am secure in my body and have very little need or desire for somebody else to affirm me by finding me attractive. I feel that other people can do very little for me now, unless someone was precisely interested in the exact hyper niche fetish scenarios I am into, and if they really had swag in pulling that role off. For the most part, my own glorious body and imagination has a lot more to offer thats gratifying, for now. That and the hypno porn that other people make, which I'm still mostly jacking off to multiple times per day.

I'm sorry that you are struggling with such an extreme libido drop, and with shame about your kinks -- those two things are very likely connected.

Perhaps the libido boost of T was all that gave you the impetus to push through your kink shame previously, and now you need to reexamine that root shame and get more acquainted with your kinks again, slowly and nonjudgementally. Consume some light kink content in the area you are interested in, reacclimate to it, talk to other people who are into it, and slowly gently desensitize yourself to that shame until you can begin to enjoy it again. Go slow and remember just lowering the distress, or improving your tolerance to the distress, is a worthy goal and good progress.

Or perhaps starting and stopping hormones has thrown something in your endocrinology out of wack. Do you feel tired most of the time? Depressed? Are you dysphoric again? How do you otherwise feel about stopping hormones?

There are probably answers in some of these places. When I stopped T my libido also went down, but it was because I was depressed, dysphoric, and resentful, having reverted back to a "female" form to try and appeal to a straight boyfriend because I was sexually frustrated. He also found my kinks disgusting, so. Bit of a libido killer.

I imagine the blood pressure med changes could have thrown your body for a loop too.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Don't know if you ever felt like this but once you leave the online sphere for a while and then come back here... the way people talk about things on the internet feels so silly, like everyone takes the smallest things so seriously and everything is so performative, specially in the fanbase like wow ya'll can't be real speaking like this. 'Stanning spaces' are so odd, and the whole idea of stanning is so weird too, just feels very unhealthy to have this person you've never met have this much control over you

The fact that not too long ago I also let small things bother me like everything was a personal attack, the internet is a weird place and nowadays I'm just glad I've been able to sort of understand how damaging it is to see everyting through the lens of overwhelming virtual acceptance instead of actual self fulfillment

Yes, anon, I have felt this way and I'm trying to understand how we've ended up in this situation. Which is quite complex, but among the reasons behind it is this dependency we have on the online medium that is growing stronger by the day.

Lately there's talk again about the lack of third spaces and how we feel more and more alienated. It's even worse when the home and working spaces become one and we're trapped in one environment and our connection to the outside world is connected to more consumption than leisure or social activities. In turn, we spend time on our phone and I think that on one hand, we become desensitized (because our contact with other people is artificial, the lack of face to face conversation, we don't care about the person's feelings because we don't see the effects), and on the other hand, our echo chambers that we all inhabit to some degree, are able to turn every minor issue into a bigger problem. Of course, since we inhabit virtual spaces that have a singular focus. For example, the more time we spend in one fandom and it occupies a significant part of our free time during the day, the more we believe that any inconvenience is important. We exacerbate what would usually be brushed off. And it's even more dangerous because it's usually focused in fandoms surrounding real life people that end up being worshipped.

There's not a lot going on in people's lives sometimes. We've also been through a global pandemic (still ongoing actually) that contributed to our isolation. We consume products and content. It's a contemporary curse and as much as it has to do with individual choice, it is also generational, societal and a result of late stage capitalism.

[drea-ms]

✿﹐TO LET A GOOD THING DIE．﹗﹑ STANLEY MARSH

﹙💭﹚ Stanley Marsh really hates you. He hates the way you left him alone, when you both promised you would stay together forever. ( from old account )

warnings. heavy angst. no happy endings. based of this fic on ao3. implied suicide. death. no use of yn. implied saiki!stan. talks of death. grammar errors.

Stan Marsh hated the cherry blossoms that bloom every spring, it bothered him. It bothered him by how much he sneezed because of it, how his nose would get red each time he was near any flower. He hated cherry blossoms because he wasn't ready to accept the truth. Not now, Not when he was so close to her.

A transfer student from a place he didn't remember due to him still have a headache after drinking the night before, she was pretty, nice hair, eyes, and voice. A quiet girl if you say, she sat near him, the only other desk seat open (the other one was by cartman.), he hated how he had an urge to throw up when herself introduced herself to him, how her voice reminds him of sweet honey dripping at nice hot tea. He hates how when she smiles at him, his friends would tease him for him blushing.

Stan Marsh truly hates you

He hates you so much, he hates how you like the same things as him, how after a week you got wrapped up into one of his friends schemes, how after the incident, you became instantly a person who would talk to him (he looked like he isn't listening to anything you say, but he always pays attention to you.)

He has and always will hate you.

But...

Why does his head yearn for you, on the days that you're absent?

When you hangout with his best friend more than him, or when you talk to Clyde and he starts to flirt with you? Now, he really thinks you've put a spell on him because, he's supposed to be with Wendy.

His first love

A love that could never diminish

A love that could be your happily ever after.

Why doesn't he feel this way with her?

What did you do to him?

It was a nice spring evening and you were at his house, after all his friends left to go home. He wanted you to leave, but at the the same time he didn't want you to leave him. It was nice and quiet. He hated quiet, but also loves it. you two stop talking when you've ran out of things to say, it was nice.

that was until you two started talking again, you said that you hated when it was a quiet for a long time, how it felt like you wanted to say something but couldn't, and that's where the conversation started to change. From 20 questions, to family talk, to finally life itself.

Stan Marsh never felt scared of death.

Maybe it was because he was too desensitized of seeing multiple people die infront of him because of him and his friends

Or maybe it was because his friend, Kenny would always find a way to die, whether it was intended or not.

He didn't know when he began to space out and stare at his window where the rain was falling until he heard you say something,

"Y'know, one day Stanley, I'll die and you'll have to find a way to cope with it." you were staring at the ceiling while saying that, you went on, "Maybe we were destined to be meeting each other in every universe, or maybe this is our final life where we meet for the last time" You turned to him and smiled. How can you smile after that?! You stand up after that and begin to pack up your stuff, "Well, I have to go Marsh. I hope you had a very luxurious day hanging out with me" you said, trying to tease him, which cause him to blush a bit, "Sure, I'll make sure to leave you a five star review on yelp or somethin'" he stood up and smirked at you while heading out and downstairs, you following after.

He remembers how much you like the cherry blossoms during the spring, you told him it was because "They're just nice to look at, plus it makes it seem like god decided to make love into a tree, one that would come and go, like every love"

He hated how you were right about love

But he also hated you and the cherry blossoms more than one can imagine

Because the day the trees started to blossom

Was the same day you died.

You died and didn't tell him

not your last words

how you felt

nothing

he hated how when he found out from his ex girlfriend, stray tears started to fall

how everyone started to pity him because he was close to you

He hated the attention he got from your death

what he hated the most though?

was how he never got a chance to love you the way you wanted someone to do

how he never got to hold you hand

never got to make you smile

or become your boyfriend

Now while he gets to grow old and see his life continue on

You will always be 17 forever

Stanley Marsh truly hates the cherry blossoms that bloom every spring, it bothered him.

Because he was reminded of you each time they bloom.

NAO SPEAKS? um i have nothing to say here rn so enjoy this wonky oneshot 🙏

[notsuchasecret]

@cattatonically needed a bribe to get her blog post done so here we go! MatsuAi meet cute featuring bffs Ai and Kou you're welcome

"Hey, Kou-san? I think there's something... living... in the back alley."

Aiichirou looked up at the newest part-timer, gripping his broom a little too tightly as he talked to Kou near the doorway of the office. She whirled around to look at him behind the desk but he already had his finger poised on the tip of his nose. "Nose goes," he called.

"I hate you, Ai-kun," she muttered.

"You're the one who instituted that rule," he said serenely. She glared at him, a fierce look that would have lesser - or even just less-desensitized - men cowering before her. He simply blinked, waiting until she huffed and turned on her heel to stalk out the back door. He waited for a count of thirteen before he stood and followed her. It wouldn't do for her to know he cared enough to follow right away, after all. He was here to be entertained, not to protect. Sure. That would work.

When he opened the back door, lazily peering around it, he found her crouching gingerly in front of a pile of boxes stacked against the building across the alley from theirs. She held a wooden spoon in her hand, using the handle to poke gently at...

"Is that a dog?" Aiichirou asked. Kou shrugged, poking at it again. It was a dingy grey, covered in mats and grime. The third time she poked it, it lifted its head and let out a growl.

"Oh, baby," Kou cooed at it. She slipped the spoon back into her apron pocket and reached out to scoop the dog into her arms. It was small, and it grumbled and batted at her, but it was clearly barely functioning.

"I'll go get the car," he said. "Do you want to come with? We could leave Yoshikawa in charge of closing up."

"Which one?" Kou asked.

"The sister, of course. The walking pile of chaos isn't on shift today and you know I wouldn’t leave our baby in his hands."

"Yeah, that would work," Kou said. "You let her know and I'll make sure this little one is warm."

Aiichirou returned to the kitchen to hand over the keys to Karin and leave a few final instructions, then slipped out into the side parking lot to pull the shitty old station wagon he and Kou co-owned around to the mouth of the alley. She had the dog wrapped up in her jacket as she climbed into the passenger seat and buckled in, positioning it on her lap.

"Can you look up the nearest open vet's office?" he asked, handing her his phone. She used her own biometrics to open it, something he had long given up on fighting. She guided him through the quiet suburban streets until they reached a plain white building with a sign outside that had half its letters missing. Aiichirou glanced at it, then back at Kou.

"It has four-point-seven stars, three hundred ratings," she said with a shrug.

"Good enough for me," he said and turned the car off. He held the door open for her as they stepped inside. "Um, hello?" he called, looking around the empty lobby. There were benches and chairs against the walls, posters and adoption flyers on bulletin boards, and the whole place was clean and well-lit, but appeared deserted. Then a voice, low and beautiful, called from the back:

"I'll be out in a moment!"

Kou was already looking at Aiichirou, but he was extremely good at not looking at her when he needed to. Instead, he glanced at an informational poster about a pet health insurance plan, careful to also not look at the nasty heartworms poster next to it. He was doing a perfectly passable job of ignoring everything that was not this one inane poster when the door opened and the voice came again.

"Sorry about that delay," he said, his voice even more musical when no longer muffled by the door and the wall between them. Aiichirou made the worst mistake in his life to date then, including the day he agreed to go in together with Kou on their bakery startup, including the day he allowed Rin to dump Momo on him in order to escape to room with Sousuke in high school, including the time with the strawberry vodka and the stripper pole.

He turned to look.

The veterinarian, if that was who he was, was the most goddamn beautiful man Aiichirou had ever seen in his life. He was tall, his shoulders were broad, his skin was pale, and he was built like he had been sculpted from marble by a master artist. His hair was dark and fell in unruly curls around his ears and across his forehead. Aiichirou was pretty sure he could see a glint of metal here and there, rings in his ears and maybe one in his brow as well. His white lab coat hung in clean lines on his frame and his hands were long-fingered and gorgeous around his clipboard. He looked up and gave Kou and Aiichirou a polite smile and fuck Aiichirou was gay.

"Hi there," Kou said when it became obvious Aiichirou was too busy drowning in homosexual daydreams. "We found this little guy in the alley behind our shop. Do you take walk-ins? We want to make sure they’re okay."

"I'd be happy to," the veterinarian said with another warm smile. "Follow me to an exam room and we'll get the little... one... set up."

Aiichirou followed Kou and the veterinarian back through a set of double doors to a room with a raised metal table and even more informational posters all over the walls. Kou set the dog down on the table and it blinked up at her, clearly smitten in the way that all animals were when they saw her. Aiichirou only just resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Let's see what we have here," the veterinarian said, rolling on a pair of blue nitrile gloves, and—

Nope.

Aiichirou was not going down that road just then. He focused on the dog and on how the veterinarian was so careful when approaching it.

"Well, it looks like you both did the right thing bringing them here," he said. "Definitely in need of a grooming, and they look pretty malnourished. Hard to tell a breed beneath all those mats, but I'd say by the size we're probably looking at a main coon here."

"Isn't that a type of cat?" Aiichirou blurted. Kou turned to him with her eyebrows raised in a way that told him she would absolutely be ridiculing him for this for weeks at the very least, but the veterinarian just nodded.

"You probably suspected dog, am I right?' he asked. Aiichirou nodded, biting his lip and hoping his cheeks weren't as horribly red as they felt. "Yeah, it's hard to tell at first glance, but this is kind of my field," the veterinarian laughed. "But here, you can tell in the paws most easily." Aiichirou stepped closer when the veterinarian held his hand out to invite him up to the table, leaning in. Sure enough, the paw that the veterinarian held up was shaped like a cat's, and when he squeezed gently on the pads a set of ragged, vicious-looking claws extended out, then re-sheathed when he released the pressure. 

"Can you tell if it's injured?" Aiichirou asked.

"I'll have to do a more thorough examination, but it doesn't look like anything too pressing. I'd say they probably need food and warmth, and a bath and a haircut once that's taken care of. Let me grab something for them from the back and we'll see if we can get them more settled."

The veterinarian stepped back through the door and Kou and Aiichirou looked at each other.

"No," Aiichirou said, but Kou was already talking over him.

"If you don't let me, Onii-san finds out all about you swooning over the pretty vet," she said.

"Rin-senpai doesn't scare me," Aiichirou scoffed.

"No, but he'll tell Sousuke-nii, who will tell Mikoshiba-kun, who will tell Momo-kun, who will tell Nagisa-kun, and then you're fucked," Kou said, smiling sweetly at him. "The gossip train starts with Onii-san, but it doesn't end there."

"You're a monster," Aiichirou accused. "Using your powers for evil."

"Yep. Now. Are you going to get his number?"

"I'd settle for his name, to start," Aiichirou said. "And I'm not going to hit on the vet while he's just doing his job."

"Coward."

"Whatever. Did you catch a name?"

"Matsukawa-sensei."

"Yes?" The door was opening and the veterinarian was stepping through once more, holding a tin can in one hand, a bowl and a water bottle wedged in the other. "We'll start with the food," he said. "We don't want the little one getting sick by going too quickly after the water, after all."

"Sounds good," Aiichirou managed. Matsukawa sent him a smile as he set the can in front of the cat and peeled the top off of it.

The effect was immediate. The cat surged forward, slamming face-first into the slop inside the can. It let out a low keening noise as it ate, breaking up with each slurping bite and swallow. It was frankly a disgusting noise, but Matsukawa smiled at it, reaching out to stroke along its spine.

"That's it, sweetheart," he murmured. "You're safe now."

Aiichirou watched in silence as Matsukawa poured some water into the bowl and set it in front of the cat, then began his examination. He talked as he did, mostly to Kou, telling her what he was doing and everything he found along the way. Every now and then he would throw a glance in Aiichirou's direction, but neither of them said anything to each other as he worked. Finally, Matsukawa leaned away.

"I can give you the name of a groomer who can help get this boy pretty as can be again," he said to Kou. "Once he's been groomed, bring him back here and we'll make sure he has all his shots. I didn't find a microchip on him, so there's no way to know if he has a home out there."

"Oh he has a home," Kou said, and Aiichirou groaned.

"You're paying for the supplies," he warned.

"Yeah, yeah," Kou said, waving her hand flippantly. "You'll thank me soon enough." Aiichirou just rolled his eyes at her, unable to help the fond smile creeping across his face.

"I asked you to find me a boyfriend, not a pet," he grumbled, then immediately froze. He was so used to making that joke with her that he hadn't even thought of where they were or what cute people were within earshot. But whether Matsukawa thought anything was off about his words or not, he didn't let it show. He just typed something into his computer and scribbled a number down on a pad of paper. Then he handed it and another small slip over.

"That one's a coupon for some quality food," he explained. "If you ask the employees at that store, they'll be able to point you to the right formulation for malnutrition, and give you some guidance on feeding times and amounts."

"Thank you, Matsukawa-sensei," Kou said, beaming as she took the papers from him.

"You go ahead, Kou-chan," Aiichirou said as the three of them returned to the lobby. He handed her the keys. "I'll take care of this one since you're buying literally everything else for the rest of his life." She waved him off with a roll of her eyes and carried the cat through the door, cooing at him the entire way. He turned to the counter and offered a sheepish smile to Matsukawa.

"What's the story there, if you don't mind my asking?" Matsukawa questioned as he punched some buttons on his register.

"We met in high school," Aiichirou replied. "Her older brother was my senpai on the swim team, and she managed the team from our rival high school. When we graduated, she shoved me into a culinary program while she took a business degree, and then made me teach her what I learned in the evenings. Then she dropped some real estate papers in front of me and informed me we were opening a brick-and-mortar bakery together. We live in the apartment above the shop, and she's the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met, but I couldn't ask for a better friend."

"Friend?" Matsukawa repeated, his voice a little strained.

"Yeah. People always ask about that one." Aiichirou laughed. "I get it. We're both hot as fuck. But we're also both incredibly gay, so alas, we will never be the power couple we were born to be."

"I feel like the world is lucky for that," Matsukawa hummed. "This exam was on the house. New customer promotion."

"That... doesn't seem right," Aiichirou said. Matsukawa leaned his hips against his side of the counter, his eyes catching Aiichirou's and holding him captive.

"New customers get their first examination free, provided they're beautiful and laugh like the coming of distant thunder. Terms and conditions: one use per customer. Cannot be combined with other offers or promotions. New customers must provide their names and a list of times they’re available for a dinner date over the next week."

Aiichirou stared at Matsukawa as his meaning sunk in, feeling the warmth and tightness in his chest blossom into a smile he couldn't quite keep down.

"Nitori Aiichirou," he said, "and I'm free on Thursday and Saturday."

The smile that spread across Matsukawa's face was even more beautiful than the rest of him. "Meet me here Thursday at six?" he asked.

"It's a date."

[finalgirlminamurray]

while i'm here i might as well do something of an introductory post.

horror as a genre has been a big special interest of mine for a long time. i've always been kind of drawn to "scary" things out of...i don't even know, some kind of interest in why certain things were considered scary and an inherent fascination in things that were deliberately designed to be scary because of that. i didn't really grow up watching horror movies like some people did (because as a kid i assumed i wasn't allowed to watch anything r-rated and i didn't have a strong interest in seeking out movies that were above my age) but i sure did read a lot and there's plenty of genuinely scary kids' books out there, even before i read my first stephen king novel (misery, age 13, borrowed from my aunt-who-was-really-mom's-friend who knew i could handle it.)

anyway once i turned 18 and went off to college i took full advantage of being able to watch whatever i wanted and started watching every classic horror film i could find and never looked back. i like horror from all decades and subgenres - i like to think i have a good variety in my tastes. i'm pretty desensitized at this point so i don't often find that movies actually "scare" me; that's not the primary reason i watch them. it's just my favorite genre.

it would be impossible to list all of my "favorites" but here are some particularly special and important movies to me:

the texas chain saw massacre (1974) - obviously. i was fascinated with this one ever since i heard the title and my brain latched onto it and wouldn't let go. there's just so much there to talk about with it and i've found it an endlessly compelling setting to work with. i'm also very fond of the texas chainsaw massacre 2 (1986), which is mostly a more "fun" movie but i still feel doesn't get analyzed enough. i watch both every year on the 18th of august. i know there are other films in the series but. i don't care for them.

the wicker man (1973) - i'm a big fan of folk horror in general but this is the ur-example for a reason. the soundtrack alone would probably have pushed this into my top 10 and yet it's still an extremely well-made fascinating film. another annual watch for me because how else are you going to celebrate may day

black christmas (1974) - i don't really think of myself as a slasher fan but the ones that i like i REALLY like. i really feel this one does not get its due in terms of the influence it ended up having on the genre nearly enough. great characters great atmosphere great sense of dark humor while often being genuinely scary. also coming up on its 50th anniversary this year so we should do something to celebrate

a nightmare on elm street (1984) - another slasher i really like. when wes craven's films hit they hit. nancy thompson one of my favorite horror protagonists ever. strangely enough i often find i'm alone for liking the first film best in the series. i would probably like 3 better if nancy didn't die. sorry!

re-animator (1985) - this is what i think of when i think of 80s horror. again the perfect combination of good characters great practical effects and an excellent dark sense of humor. it just suffers from regrettable treatment of its only female lead character but there's also always bride of re-animator which ups the wacky frankenstein nonsense without any scenes you have to warn people about before they get into it. jeffrey combs' herbert west one of my favorite little freaks in horror fiction.

american psycho (2000) - if you don't get the satire of this one that's on you. i just enjoy this one so much. it's brilliantly executed (ha!) i did read the book but i think the film does a very good job distilling and presenting its ideas in a more marketable but no less effective way. i really hope it doesn't develop the reputation of being an overplayed Meme Movie because it's such a good film.

the ring (2002) - okay i don't know if i'm putting this here because i think it's a great movie or if it was just such a formative experience for me but i'll allow myself one nostalgia choice. this was the first real horror movie i ever watched (anyone else's middle school have a pre-halloween event night where they'd have costume contests and show spooky movies? well we used to have one pg-13 rated film each year and this was the one that made an impression on me.) normally i hate 2000s horror remakes and this one does itself no favors by being an american remake of a foreign film (it does have more in common with the film adaptation of ringu than the original novel) but it's probably the best you can get with one of those. i was obsessed with this for a year after watching it and it's probably what actually kick-started my horror film interest. i went down a rabbit hole of ringu lore on my own at age 12-13 and sadako yamamura ended up being the first horror villain i really loved as a character in their own right while everyone my age made a big deal out of being terrified of "the ring girl". that might say something about me or it might not.

that's a brief tour of my horror history i guess. there are so many more films (and books!) i love and i'm always looking for more. my favorite decade of horror is almost definitely the 70s but there's something to love in every era (there are trends but they're not monoliths) and i love seeing new stuff. i can be pretty opinionated and can get a little pretentious, in a way, about my chosen genre so be assured it all comes from a place of love. i like more things than i hate, i think.

i'll be using this space to drop my thoughts about various scary movies and books i've seen and read recently or not so recently. i'm just glad to have a repository for All Of My Opinions.

final note: it's horror if i think it's horror based on vibes. hope this helps

[whosmaggy]

consumption is an art!

sure spending time, hours, days, blue moons, to make media (oft referred to as "art") is hard. but there is something more difficult, more taxing, that is glossed over. consuming that work. maybe it doesnt take as long, partially because i watch everything in x2 speed (x3 where applicable), but it has also taken forever to build up algorithms, limestone slab by limestone slab, to get the beautiful (artistic) gallery of content i consume. was it susan wojcickis and marks code? no! it was my commitment to the craft. the craft being figuring out how to destroy the pleasure sensors in your brain the fastest. anyways here are some of my favourite pieces of content because more than consuming it, i love archiving:

this is one of my favourite videos and its from one of my favourite channels. the animation work, narration, concise detail, and the simple enjoyment of watching it put it in my top 3 of this year.

i try not to consume true crime, desensitization and all that (dont let the first 2 videos here fool you). however this is well written, produced, and sources are provided. its also not made to trivialize. i think about ada and matthew everytime i see a firetruck.

on a much lighter note (but not really because scammers are very evil) this video make me laugh out loud! i used to love scammer videos, this one is great!

i have always found "body language experts" slimy creeps that want to profit off of talking out of their asses about whatever glorified gossip topics they cover. kind of like the daily mail. this video has great research and funny as well. (amber heard i will always hate what they did to you).

I HATE JOE. is it self indulgent to watch this and then spend 30 minutes going through the comments to feel vindicated knowing other people also hate him? yes. the video is good tho!

I LOVE THIS VIDEO! something about it will appeal to everyone. pretty much everything about it appeals to me. the first time i watch it was long before i even started playing roblox.

must include this because i am a tumblr fanatic. love all of her videos tho! this one is nice and sweet (couldve been short n' sweet if sabrina had been consulted).

and to prove that i can read: Salt Houses by Hala Alyan! very well written. i havent finished it yet, but shes a talented storyteller, and i hope she knows she captured the generations in Palestine in a way so beautiful, they can never be taken away.

survivalist stuff is my cup of (mint) tea. this video is in algonquin provincial park, and i am nothing if not patriotic (ummm), which makes it perfect. #ontario or wtv.

media consumption can kill the mind. i have tired to only consume things i know have had effort and care put into them. i (clearly) have no moral superiority (i can often be found on reels, its a sickness) when it comes to being off that damn phone, but using media to learn and grow, and also support people that arent puppeteered/sponsored by large companies has become important to me. im aware that time is money in a metaphorical way, but you also turn your time into real AMERICAN (usa, usa, usa) money by viewing this and that. i prefer that money goes to people that care for their craft and arent outwardly (i have no clue what these people do when they arent making stuff) shitty.

its late. Good night!

love,

Maggy 🦷