#whereas if I want to get better at drawing expressions I don't think there is a single tutorial that will cause me to level up on its own.

[giantkillerjack]

It's important to play a "LEVEL UP!" sound effect in your head whenever you get better at a skill because the world is flawed and so this does not happen automatically.

Often, in this life, we must provide our own sound effects.

[imperatorrrrr]

Good morning. Let's make it a fun and engaging activity. I think you'll find it entertaining and rewarding

"Who do you think is the movie or film character that best mirrors Nico's personality, and why?"

Good Evening Anon, thank you for this lovely question.

Unfortunately, you have stumped me. I have been thinking for days about this and essentially my brain has gone empty and I'm not able to think of any movie or television character at all.

But.

I will use your ask, and apologies for co-opting your ask, to finally do my SteveBucky // JackNico are Parallels of Each Other Tangent aka the SteveBucky to JackNico Pipeline

...am I saying Nico is Bucky Barnes? No. Am I saying that Jack and Nico together are very Stucky coded? Yup.

Some things off the bat...Nico has clearly never been brainwashed (the concussions don't count), nor does he have a metal arm, nor has he ever been incorrectly labeled a villain (the Florida Panthers doing this also doesn't count), so like lets just put all of that aside okay and focus on the characters at their core.

1 - Jack Hughes is the undisputed star of the New Jersey Devils. He is a superstar. He is the main focus of media. He will always be the big draw. He has, what is it, the second highest selling jersey throughout the league.

Whomst else is the main focus, the star, the dude who is put in front of the cameras? Steve Rogers.

2 - Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers are typically seen as being evenly matched in the powers department. Yes, Bucky got the bastardized version of the serum whereas Steve's was pure, but they're pretty much even in terms of the powers they have.

Nico Hischier is also a first overall draft pick just like Jack Hughes.

3 - Bucky Barnes is known to do the spycraft, the jobs that Steve as Captain America can't do or can't be seen to do. He does the dirty work, the behind the scenes stuff. Steve is leading out front with the shiny shield, but Bucky is in the background being stealth getting the job done without anyone noticing.

Nico Hischier is known to do the "dirty work" in hockey games. He goes to the corners to win puck battles, he's net front grappling against opposing players. He's known to be a defensive forward and one of the best in the league (you'll get that Selke win soon!) and he does all this stuff throughout the game that no one is privy to. Most importantly, Nico is matched up against opposing team's lines in such a way as to give Jack Hughes the room to do his Jack magic and give us that flashy highlight reel offense whether it be a silky pass or an unbelievable goal.

Nico in the background. Bucky in the background. Jack in the foreground. Steve in the foreground.

4 - Steve Rogers is known to be an absolute bitch, a mastermind strategist.

Jack Hughes is known for his pithy and generally cunty responses to the media and also having an insane amount of hockey knowledge and being able to see plays and see the ice like no one else.

5 - Bucky Barnes is a caretaker. He looked after Steve when Steve was poorly and sickly when he was younger and in the comics he kind of collects these kids/orphans that he takes under his wing. He also was the dude in charge (under Steve) as Sarge during WWII. He herded Steve and the Howling Commandos and kept them alive.

Now think about Nico Hischier as a Captain. Every quote about his captaincy talks about how he's a better person than he is a player and he's a remarkable player so he must be a fairly amazing person. He cares about making sure his guys are okay and that his guys can come and talk to him about anything not just hockey. He wants to push people to be their best. Coaches, throughout Nico's career, have placed the worst/worse players with Nico because Nico makes them better and takes responsibility for them.

6 - Bucky Barnes' thighs. Nico Hischier's thighs. Do I have to say more?

7 - Steve Rogers, all American, blue eyes, blonde hair. Bucky Barnes, brunette who holds such sadness in his eyes and is incredibly expressive with his face.

Jack Hughes, all American, blue eyes. Nico Hischier, Swiss brunette, who has a face made for tragedy.

8 - Steve Rogers gets into fights. Bucky Barnes pulls him out of them or finishes them for him.

Jack Hughes will find himself the target of an opponent trying to get in a hit and Nico Hischier comes flying in to defend his honor (see: the Nico coming after TK when TK tried to go after Jack incident).

9 - Bucky Barnes was known to be a charming ass mother fucker back in the day. From the comics especially.

Whomst is a charm offensive on the ice and off the ice? Ah, yes, Nico Hischier.

10 - A lot of teammates, when talking about Jack Hughes, say that how he plays and how good he is inspires them to go out there and give it their all. He leads with how good he is on the ice and his hockey skill. He motivates through his sheer skill level. He scores a goal and it turns the entire game around.

Steve Rogers is also known to be quite inspiring as Captain America with his rousing speeches.

11 - Picture it with me now, folks. Pre-Serum!Steve + Pre-War!Bucky Barnes and Jack Hughes + Nico Hischier.

12 - Steve Rogers is the sun and Bucky Barnes is the moon. Jack Hughes is the sun and Nico Hischier is the moon.

I think twelve is a good place to stop right?

It really is no wonder that I so seamlessly transitioned from SteveBucky to JackNico.

[katyspersonal]

hey sorry i know you get a lot of asks but i really wanted to know if you think midra and shabriri could be related by blood? i am not sure who else to ask.

Awhhh it isn't just this, it is also that I am stuck on my phone and only got so many pictures here, when I prefer to answer asks with screenshots spam! XD But this question doesn't offer very much to bounce off of from what the source material offers so time to use my imagination..? 🤔

I did an analysis of Frenzied Flame's and Three Fingers' "timeline" in this ( x ) post, but the thing is! Previously those afflicted by Frenzied Flame had to contact the Three Fingers and had to be grasped by them directly, not only if they wanted to be a Lord, whereas the "become too sad and you will get Frenzied Flame" disease is stated to start FROM Shabriri! Even when eyeballs afflicted by it across Lands Between carry his name now:

^ Vyke's one is unique in this case, because he WAS grabbed by the Three Fingers! Meanwhile, as for the Shadow Realm:

So, in case of Shabriri's relation, I believe he'd have to be of younger generation than Midra and his servants! I also think this because Three Fingers are imprisoned under Leyendell. In fact, BURIED there!

(Tomb of an ancient god line) Also, there are no Winter Lanterns (the ER edition I mean xD) or wandering Aging Untoucheable that apparently are heralds of big Frenzy Nuke that collect the frenzied eyeballs in the Lands Between where Frenzied Flame is! It is also a pointer towards Three Fingers having been weakened/"killed" since the time Midra himself was grabbed by them!

My idea is that whereas Three Fingers are called readerless, technically Shabriri was the one and only "reader" for them! Functionally he is comparable with Gowry more than with Enia, but I have the mental image of him having the glimpse at these fingerprints desperately trying to get out, and deciding that it was a good idea to bring about what they wanted rather than personal pain/revenge or some grand idea of ending all suffering. (As much as I LOVE the joke that Allant and Shabriri are depressed and manic side of the same concept hdgfjfhfjgdf)

^ The crime of slander he got punished for WAS accusing Nomads of worshiping the Frenzied Flame, and judging from his expression he knew it wasn't the end 🌛 That's why I think he knew what he was doing all along, playing with Marika's fear of fire because no way any of that shit gets anywhere near her precious Erdtree *looks at Fire Monks incantations repeatedly stating Fire of Giants was enemy for GO it could burn the Erdtree* *looks at her being scared of Messmer's flame*

So, if we say he is a later relative of Midra, there is still the important factor that he inflicted Frenzied Flame on himself rather than was already infected by it! If we say he had a natural affinity to "listen" to Three Fingers because of being born by someone in Midra's Manse who was infected, that'd be direct relation! I do think that the torch Nanaya is cradling IS that of hers and Midra's son, so let's say they had another child who they yeeted out of their place for hopeful adoption so Inquisitors don't kill them or at least they have a better life 🤔 Either that child then would be ancestor of Shabriri, or Shabriri himself! He could have still had a natural hunch, or be vaguely aware that his ancestors were isolated and perished by Frenzied Flame and got curious to learn what it WAS! Maybe that's why he went digging into the tomb, rather than just found it?

Personally, I think emotionally it works better if Midra and Nanaya only had one child, who failed to become a Lord! But as I was typing this response, the idea of them getting (another) child outta here for better life started to look fun x) Coincidentally, 1) I draw Shabriri's original body with black hair that Nanaya has and 2) I was discussing the similar "dooming self by getting curious about heritage your ancestors SAVED you from" trope recently about Beatrice from DS1 vfhgfhh It looks like I can't escape this trope xdd

^ I also can offer an idea of collateral/distant relation, since devs made darn sure you can see Midra's Manse used to have the same flowers as Shaman's Village! Midra's servants, who were Hornsent unlike him, were hunted by Hornsent Inquisitors as "heretics", and tolerating all that WAS what brought Midra and his people to Frenzied Flame! They probably bullied fellow Hornsent exactly for serving the shamans (or closely related people) as nobles when by their understanding shamans were unworthy of living!

I insist that Dominula Celebrants are descendants of surviving shamans (here ( x ) are more justifications for that), so, say, Midra's relatives from there escaped, and Shabriri was amongst their descendants! + yeeted to live in another place because apparently no shamans not celebrants keep males around jfggvbgh

Latter one would imply a very long generational gap though! However, this idea might have given more insight on why Shabriri's word had a weight to begin with! The interesting detail is, developers edited out the part about him having been a noble! It was in the original unpatched version, then patched out:

And for now, the mention of him being a noble is only saved in Shabriri's Woe version as one of keepsakes we choose at the start of the game.. but that is only in localization! The Japanese original DID patch it out as well!

Fuckin sneaky patching out Nameless Moon Presence flashback hfgyygjg And before, I didn't second-guess it! If his word mattered so much as to people to believe his slander about something so crucial for the fate of the Erdtree, he had to hold an important position anyways! But after the DLC I start to question whether instead, he was amongst the people Marika held dear due to sentimentality 🤔 Especially much earlier in the timeline. Maybe she was slightly more willing to trust what little was left of her folks than anyone else! She might have even been aware of what happened with Midra's Manse if he was connected with the shamans (or just shaman but not living in the village as a male), let alone the possibility of sealing Three Fingers herself, so the "not this shit again" effect worked very well!

___________________

In the conclusion, I think the relation is possible! I AM weak for "consider not being so curious about (bad) fate of your ancestors because nothing good will come of it" trope it seems hfgthvgg It could even solve the weirdness of editing out his noble status! I am still giving him pretty clothes tho

[evelmiina]

Hi, Eva! Love your works so much! How did you develop your shape language? Do you also simplify shapes as what we see in your illustrative works when you do studies from life/movies/any resources?

Hey thank you for your message! Glad to hear you like my works When I study I will definitely simplify the subject just to be able to draw/paint it, but I try to be aware of not stylizing too much from the get go. I do have my own biases though and there's habits and sometimes strong inclination to draw certain way. Like the way I use some tools I'm familiar with. I usually make decisions on the fly, like sometimes I want to draw very stylistically from reference and other times I think there is something interesting but I set out to figure it out while I draw it. I think when I really try to be focused and observe earnestly what I see it helps me to imagine better and come up with new shapes and ideas. I've noticed it's important to me to not expect too much from a sketch or exercise, or it turns into something performative where the focus shifts from my desire to do things and figure it out, to expecting someone to see it and being evaluated. Anime and feeling of movement whether it's animation or dancing and acting have definitely influenced a lot in my shape language. I'm aiming for certain level of clarity and design without losing freedom. I always feel like it's kind of battle between emotion and discipline in myself, or having sort of contradicting approaches too. I think I have distinctly western influences from storybooks, golden age illustrators and animation but I don't particularly follow western animation design principles like line of action or squash and stretch. I always feel like I don't want to say "too much" or that some expressions and designs feel too descriptive to me. Not to say I don't like or admire it in other people's work because I do, it's just that I have strong sense of what feels just right amount of ambiguous to me that is hard to explain. I think anime character shapes are more defined by symbolism and graphic composition of the drawing in frame than western characters and that appeals to me. It is more kin to comic panels whereas western animation would be more closely kin to film composition. Obviously there is variety and overlap but that is what initially influenced me.

[adobe-outdesign]

Have you reviewed the lilipup line already? If not what do you think?

I want to like Lillipup more than I actually do because it is so very cute, with its big eyes and little dot mouth. Lillipup, like the rest of this line, is based off of a terrier (most likely a Yorkshire terrier), which will become more evident as it evolves. The fur around its face is unique, and makes it stand out a bit from the rest of the line.

However, there are just a bunch of strange design choices here. Like, the face is so flat there's just straight up no muzzle, not even a line indicating one. It also is the only one of the line to have a red nose... for some reason.

Also, the dark blue patch on the back is meant to tie into the rest of the line, but it looks out of place here; I don't think it would've been a problem to just let the dark blue come in at the second stage, and if you really wanted blue you could've had some blue accents elsewhere on the body, like the ears or paws. Speaking of the paws, the way they have a division but are all one color is also strange; why not use the cream from the face to better balance the colors? Don't get me wrong, the design as a whole isn't bad, but all of the details kind of throw me on it.

Herdier's probably my favorite out of this line. I've heard some people say it's too similar to an actual dog, but I think the combo of the shepherd's cloak-like fur on the back and the design of the facial fur are pretty interesting. The colors are better balanced here, with the cream fur drawing attention to the face while the dark blue eyes and nose balance the color of the back fur. The stern expression is also fun and really gives it a good sense of personality. It's nothing crazy or anything, but its a pretty solid design all around.

Stoutland takes what Herdier has going on and cranks it up to 11 with an absolutely insane mustache that would make an Alakazam feel ashamed. It also majorly grows out its cloak, becoming much shaggier in the process; kind of like a Newfoundland.

Visually, it shares a lot of the same elements as Herdier, with the cream drawing attention to its magnificent mustache, dark blue fur that completely covers its body, and an even sterner expression. However, I think the body becomes a bit too shapeless due to the amount of fur on it; even an actual Newfoundland has a good amount of anatomy under the fur, whereas Stoutland is weirdly rectangular. (The difference is the fur going down to the feet instead of stopping higher up around the stomach, and the back sloping down in the middle.)

Also, I'm not a huge fan of the coat becoming greenish at the base. I get wanting to break up that color a bit, but something more blue would've been better. The lighter color also probably should've been further down, as you can't see much of the dark blue due to the mustache covering most of it.

Anyway, these are some pretty good dogs, minus a few weird visual quirks. The concept and execution are super simple, but each stage manages to be unique despite that. These guys should be plenty pleasing for anyone who's a fan of terriers, that's for sure.

[noirvette]

WE NEVER EXISTED

[band smau]

[ELEVEN]

masterlist.

prev. | next.

Kenny had managed to regain control of his account roughly a day after it had been hacked. Quickly posting a message on his account after Twitter support had done their job and handed back access to him. The hacker was gone and the question of "what was the point of all that" weighed heavy on your mind.

"Why hack Kenny?" You wondered, thinking about possible information he may have. Kenny didn't use the account too often, usually using it only for learning about various pop star drama or just to like and retweet things, he rarely used it to give updates on himself, in fact most updates were about you if anything.

If it was information on you that the hacker wanted, you were sure it would've just been easier to hack your account, you had changed all your passwords though immediately after Kenny being hacked and since the password was so long you ended up writing it down on your notebook to not forget until you actually remembered it.

Shaking your head and throwing yourself back into the topic at hand with the band; what venue is the best option for the concert in South Park.

"I'm telling you! The one they just remodeled is going to be by far the best venue for us! It's bigger and it has the space we need." Nichole expresses with enthusiasm.

"I don't know, I mean sure the space is nice but are we really going to draw that big of a crowd?" asked Stan.

"Stan. Bro. You saw the fans on twitter AND instagram when we announced free concert in South Park, you didn't stop to think that maybe the word, oh I don't know, FREE? causes people to most likely show up in gigantic numbers?" Clyde raises his voice, giving you a look of "Is this guy for real right now?".

Stan sighs and looks over at Kyle. Kyle had been surprisingly silent through most this conversation much like yourself, except he was glued attentively to his phone.

"Kyle?" Stan asks, eyebrow raised.

"..Huh? Ha, oh what?" Kyle looks up to see four pair of eyes looking at him with a range of different emotions.

He sets his phone down and sighs, "Sorry guys, I've just had a rough last day."

"All good! No worries." You chirp and Kyle gives you a thankful smile in return.

"Right, sorry, I was thinking we just do an open venue? You know the one right kinda in the center of town?" Kyle rhetorically asks, "It's open and that way we don't have to cap a number limit of how many guests."

After a few murmurs of agreement and nods from everyone else, Stan pulls up Kyle's laptop to reach out to the venue owners, whereas Kyle goes back on his phone. You take a peek as he turns it on, he opens the imessaging app and suddenly you notice the stress that piles on top of Kyle.

"Kyle?" You gently ask

He quickly turns his phone off and looks at you, "What's up Y/n?"

"You doing okay?"

"Uh, yeah! Never better." He gives you that awkward white man tight closed smile and you return his smile with a look that tells him you don't believe him.

He sighs and turns his phone back on, showing you the messages he's been receiving as well as his responses.

You frown in confusion and hand his phone back to him, "Who is this?"

"No clue, I have genuinely no clue at who this could be. I've tried calling the number as you read, and it keeps referring me to this pizzeria place, I asked what's with the prank texts and they informed it the number is a landline phone and it can't text." Kyle sighs in annoyance.

You take a peak at the others, who are still trying to figure out how to write a business email to the venue owners. Kyle turns his phone off again and shrugs, "You know I think I'm just going to have to ignore it.

He gets up and heads over to the others, grabbing his laptop gently from Stan's grasp and taking over the business email writing. You stare at him for a little while longer, taking note of the dark eye bags and sunken eyes that he's seemed to have suddenly.

You're not sure what's about to happen, but the recent events that have started going on in your life all points to a negative direction and you're not sure when it'll, but you feel, no, you know, that the impending doom about to burst.

TAGLIST: @captivq @kimiesstuff @bwljules @the-cooler-kira @1one1person1 @kenny-the-ken @neenieweenie @n0tangeliccc @revzxn @mirophobic @gonefiishiing @musiclovebot @bootsieboo @bonez4brainz @4xbei77 @1996kj @sweetadonisbutbetter @scinclaitnoir @okarigold

[short-black-diamond]

Blue lock as a ballroom dancing AU?

would you guys be intersted in a blue lock ballroom dancing AU?

Because I read the manga Ballroom e youkoso (it has one or two seasons as well) and I really loved it.

So like, let me explain. Instead of playing football, the blue lockers are ballroom dancers, and after every stage, they have to perform better and better in blue lock.

And just imagine the starting of Isagi as he loses first place to that blonde (help i forgot his name). Isagi was passing to that one guy in the first episode, right? (I also forgot his name), so, what if it was that guy's fault as well that they lost? Maybe the guy slipped and fell, or their performance was not good enough because of him?

Isagi would for sure be angry at that guy, but he'd get recommended to Blue Lock with Bachira, Nagi, Reo, and the others to become the best Japanese Ballroom dancers in the world.

and so, it comes to the fact that there are more boys than girls (I will make girl OC's and maybe even draw pictures but I'm not sure), and many boys have to dance with each other in order to compete.

Ego Jinpachi is their trainer, or coach, who manipulates them just like the canon one, just in the world of dancing instead of soccer.

And then, you come into the picture as well.

I actually thought about you coming to the entrance were everyone was gathered with your partner who was a tall blonde girl, with shy features.

But, I also wanted to give you an interesting character.

Imagine the following scenario:

You strutted towards one of the new guys, and Anzu (your female partner) stared at you in shock.

"Uh, Yena...? What are you doing?", she asked when you stood in front of Reo. (It could be anyone, but reo is rich and most likely famous, so it was easy imagining him being familiar to you)

"I am collecting my leaders."

"What? But--I thought I was your leader..!", she exclaimed, feeling helpless at your nonchalance.

Reo blushed a little at the thought of dancing with someone as pretty as you, but he still had Nagi. (That boutta change too bro, sorry Reo)

"Here in Blue Lock, only the best dancers can go forth. I lost the last competition because of you, Anzu. Your steps are too hesitant, you bow down to my body too much, and you don't have the face of a person who enjoyed dancing, but rather someone who was forced to."

That made Anzu flinch. "A-and what about you then, huh?!", she tried to reason, but you looked back at her with a serious expression. "I adjusted myself to your level, Anzu. And it's annoying as fuck. I cannot dance to my heart's content when I'm with you."

You turned around. "Remember what I told you when you and I first danced together?"

Anzu remembered too good. and it always pained her to even think about it.

"Don't get used to me when we are dancing. Don't fall for me when we are dancing. I'm a whore in the world of dancing.", she quoted, and you clapped your hands in applause.

"And you wanna know why I'm a whore?", you asked, smirking at her quirked eyebrow.

"It's because I always chase after the next best thing."

Anzu's eyes widened in shock. "Wait, don't tell me...!"

Ego Jinpachi's voice boomed suddenly, putting every single chatter into a stop. "hello, my dear blue Lockers. You all know the reason you're here, right?

In order to secure a world cup victory for Japan, we will create the world's best ballroom dancers."

You were thrilled. Anzu kept staring at you.

---

yeah that was the scenario, and I wanted for Anzu to be in team Z with Isagi in the others, who'd be practising the waltz, slow foxtrott and tango, whereas Yena would be in the team where Karasu and Otoya are. (I can change that too.)

I was just mingling the anime and manga of ballroom e youkoso and blue lock so that I even had dreams of dancing with the blue lockers lol.

Please tell me if you'd like to read something like that <3

[the-lincyclopedia]

Consent vs. permission

I'm in a relatively new romantic relationship, and it's the first time that's happened for me in quite a while. One of the things that I'm realizing happens in new relationships is that you remember your expectations that were established in previous relationships; sometimes things go the same way and you travel in established paths, and other times things go very differently, and maybe you realize that your previous expectations and patterns were messed up.

To explain what's going so well this time, I think it's useful to distinguish between consent and permission. I know there are ways to use those words so that they're synonyms, but I'm finding it helpful to define getting consent as seeking agreement about whether you can do something that genuinely affects the other person/your relationship, whereas getting permission is seeking agreement about whether you can do something that doesn't affect the other person/your relationship.

Obviously consent is important for physical stuff (including but not limited to sex!), but consent is also good to check for in other situations, like using pet names with each other, talking about potentially triggering topics, etc. If it's about the relationship or how you treat the other person, when in doubt, ask! It is so much better to find out the other person's boundaries than to cross them without realizing it.

At the same time, there's stuff you shouldn't need to ask about, namely stuff in the permission category. One of my previous partners was pretty jealous and controlling, and I keep catching myself almost asking my current significant other whether it's okay if I go to an event or talk to an ex or express affection with my friends or wear certain clothes. That's none of his business, actually! He doesn't get veto power over every area of my life (or even most areas) just because we're dating. Luckily, in this relationship, he very much doesn't want veto power.

Obviously there are nuances to all of this. If I decide to do so many other things that I have no time or energy to devote to my relationship, if I go to a superspreader event and then spend time in person with my significant other when that's not where his COVID boundaries are, if the affection I express with someone else verges into sexual territory and my relationship involves an agreement to be monogamous, those are things my significant other would definitely have grounds to object to!

But in general, I need to seek consent for how I treat my significant other. I don't need to seek permission for how I live the rest of my life. And I'm finding that to be a really helpful mental distinction to draw as I re-learn how to have a relationship.

[muslimintp-1999-girl]

I noticed that w Conrad, he very much seems to express his love with gifts and small acts of service. But with Jere, he gives Belly his time and his word. He expresses his feelings for her explicitly, whereas Conrad is more discrete (which inadvertently causes her to draw the wrong conclusions). I actually think that’s why Belly and Jere fit better.

Idk about the gift giving part coz boy literally didn't give her the infinity necklace (coz he was insecure of his mom's pearl necklace?? Idk? I still have no idea why he didn't & we don't have time to Decode (Sabrina Carpenter iykyk) this bs move of his tbh) and he wanted to give Susannah a gift but he literally was clueless about it and had to get Belly's help. I think acts of service as his love language seems true.

I think both Jere and Belly are overthinkers (esp when it comes to love and loving each other in particular) and that's why they need overexplainers in their life and someone who gives them reassurance and *gestures to the whole s2* that's what they do: explain things, have a conversation and most importantly REASSURE each other repeatedly without getting tired of it or annoyed by it.

Jere literally loves Belly in all the love languages and I would say they have a few of their own personal love languages too such as car rides. I know it's mostly quality time and words of affirmation basically. But like those little knocks on the wall and those good morning Bells and those spin hugs are like such a cute, little tradition of theirs 🥺💝💖.

I think more than the his love language being discreet part, we hate him coz he gives and he takes it back and trust me no one wants that. I feel if a boy/man loves you, IT SHOWS, YOU'LL KNOW, except in a very few cases, but most of the times you'll know. If you're left wondering, then they either don't love you or don't love you ENOUGH. Taking mixed signals as a no is self care and the right thing to do.

[obstinaterixatrix]

so something sondheim did was he’d sometimes ask the book writer to write a monologue that sondheim would use as inspiration for a song, and that’s what happened for ‘talent’ and it’s really cool being able to see that in execution, here’s the monologue that weidman wrote for paris in an early draft of the script:

Ever since I was a boy, I've had a passion. For the arts. The theater, the ballet. When I was still at school, I was convinced that I'd grow up to be a painter. Turned out I didn't have the—I don't know, the talent, the dedication, it doesn't matter. Because when I stepped off that train in Palm Beach and looked around, I realized what I was meant to be. Not an artist, but a patron of the arts. I had a vision. I saw it all, right there in front of me. An entire community, spread out along the seashore. The finest artists colony in all the world! And do you know what had revealed it to me? It was the light. The light off the Atlantic. It was like no light I'd ever seen before. Hard-edged. Unsentimental. It was ours. It was American. And in that light—in that luminescence—I saw painters, sculptors, artists of every type, working at the absolute height of their powers, laboring to bring forth a new art for a New World. And I saw myself, too. Wandering among them, urging them on, setting their genius free. Me. Paris Singer. Savoring the satisfaction of delivering their brilliant work into the brilliant light... That was my dream. It still is.

I'm linking the version from wise guys because I'm biased, here are the lyrics for ‘talent’, unchanged through all three iterations of the show:

When I was a tyke I said, "What I like Is art I know I'm a boy But what I enjoy Is art."

Looking at paintings, going to plays Music and books informing my days Filling my mind Flooding my heart With art!

I had this dream of becoming an artist A painter, a poet, who knows? I had a nice little talent for drawing And a natural feeling for prose I even began to compose

So many talents Wasn't I blessed? All of them good A few of them better None of them best

Just enough talent To know that I hadn't the talent So I put my dream And my self-esteem To rest

I couldn't decide Then one day I spied Palm Beach A speck on the map No more than a gap Palm beach

Jungle and seashore, muddy and raw But in a flash I suddenly saw What it would take What I could make Palm Beach!

I had this dream of a city of artists Versailles by the Florida sea A sort of world congregation of artists All encouraged to set themselves free I knew what I wanted to be!

I'd be their host and supporter The patron saint Of the things that they'd write And compose and paint

I shall wander among them with lavish praise As they carve their statues Construct their plays Design their buildings Recite their rhymes Making modern art Fit for modern times!

So many talents Gathered en masse! Painters and poets Artists and dreamers Watered like grass

And if the talent I have Is for nurturing talent Then succeed or fail I will see they sail First class

And my father can go stick it up his ass!

I think it's really interesting to compare the monologue with the lyrics, and it's super cool to get the chance to... weidman's monologue briefly touches on the talent aspect but mostly centers The Vision whereas sondheim spends a lot more time on that idea of lacking A Certain Something to truly achieve (perceived) greatness in art. another thing that sticks out to me is that the song is composed to evoke a train, so it makes sense to me why sondheim would center more of the momentum of paris' dream rather than the visuals or american ideals. (sidenote, it's interesting that both of sondheim and weidman's shows has a deeply American(tm) core to it, assassins links the various assassins through the [distortion of?] american ideals they represent while wise guys has the dogged pursuit and--to some extent--failure to realize the american ideals expressed by their parents) (actually, tangentially, when I say 'distortion' of american ideals, I don't think it's a *true* distortion per se--manifest destiny is a core american ideal and the assassins essentially carry out the logical conclusion of the idea that Everything Belongs To Me As Is My Divine Right) (so 'distortion' as in going beyond the 'benign' or any positive interpretation of american ideals) ok as I was typing this, I think rather than de-emphasizing the american ideals exhibited in weidman's monologue, sondheim works it into the music and lyrics (train motif, emphasis on forward momentum)--which is ALSO interesting because while paris is initially presented as a down on his luck ex-heir striking out on his own to follow his dream, when things get tough paris goes back to his father (lol). I really like this song, it's a great introduction to a character that's completely sincere but also. a huge misrepresentation by the character of himself.

[catspittle]

Closed the tab forever ago and I can't find it again so this is just me going off the cuff. Similarities and differences between you and the muse.

Similarities:

- Tbh? Nobody enjoys our presence for longer than a couple minutes at a time. We've both been called hard to love/like, abrasive, and general cunts who take everything way too seriously.

- both Asian-American and indigenous by descent. Also arohomo and transgender.

- has a hard time with expressing emotions due to cultural reasons combined with autism, thinks being able to read minds would be infinitely better.

- dogshit self esteem. Absolutely non-existent self esteem. Just got used to being seen as a piece of meat over the years. Better than being entirely self absorbed though.

- working/have worked in a scientific field! He went for the social sciences, whereas I'm currently entrenched in trying to claw my way to an earth sciences degree.

- funnily enough, we both can sing decently well [so I've been told].

- multiple people have described us both as "extremely frigid" until we get to know someone.

Differences:

- uhhhhh I'm not 70. I haven't had nearly as rough a life as he has, either. Not a supervillain.

- I cannot whistle for shit, and speak in a combination of general Northern Californian/Ohioan accent. Crane is from the US state of Georgia.

- unfortunately I don't spit fear toxin either?

- I'm not nearly as much of an expert in chemistry. :(

- he's a lot more direct with his feelings, and will immediately let you know if he doesn't like you. I'm a lot more likely to tolerate people even to the detriment of my own health.

- he doesn't have much of a creative side, despite the penchant for metalwork. Often he draws from subject matter that already exists, and makes little to no effort to reinvent or reimagine it.

Tagging: 🤷 I really don't care, in a bad mood ever since I woke up to nothing but harassment on my Basil blog. If you want to do this you can?

[chappybird]

Because I don't want That Post to be one of the only things I talk about on this blog in months I'm gonna talk about my headcanons for Homestuck humans

John: Short king. Hate me if you want but it's never gonna change me. But he's definitely not tiny. John as a kid was kind of chubby, grew out of it but is still a pretty stocky guy. Even as an adult he's not got a very impressive or particularly attractive physique and when he's all done growing he lands at about 5'6". Very dark and thick hair, and I always imagined him to be SEA with light brown skin.

Rose: Probably the smallest of the kids. I tend to imagine her as on the petite side. I kinda flip flop whenever I'm drawing her because I don't have a super consistent image of her in my mind, but I like drawing her with dark skin and bleached blonde hair that she experiments with but is usually a natural loose curl. Sometimes when I think of her as white I tend to imagine her with pin straight hair thats very light silvery blonde with darker roots. Not dark brown, but definitely a different shade of blonde than what she usually goes for.

Dave: Beanpole ass motherfucker. He's too tall, too skinny, has freckles, and constantly has dark circles under his eyes. Kind of giving off creepy vibes. (he has a dead animal collection and is obsessed with photography and memes are we really that surprised.) Pale as hell pretty consistently when I imagine him, to the point of being a bit sallow.

Jade: Tall and Stronk. Wild brown hair, medium brown skin, golden brown skin, and it makes those bright green eyes really striking. She's got broad shoulders and as an adult is pretty shapely, but also pretty unkempt, but shes so smiley and bubbly that it ends up being adorable and working for her.

Jane: I mean I know that it's not exactly an uncommon headcanon, but on the shorter, rounder side of things. Thicc, perhaps. Her hair is naturally kind of unruly but she uses a lot of product to keep it tamed, and while she usually goes for a "natural no make up look" she probably uses the most product out of all the Homestuck girlies. Also SEA which is where John and Jade get those looks from, but she's fairer skinned than both of them.

Dirk: He's all angles. Tall for his age as a teenager, but not towering, and works out to be only a little above average as an adult, and much more filled out than Dave, making him look a lot less unhealthy. He still has a weird vibe to him like Dave, but whereas with Dave most people would make fun of him, with Dirk you'd probably cross to the other side of the street. He's white but more tan than Dave because he actually spends time outside.

Jake: Medium height, almost a carbon copy of John, though perhaps a bit darker in complexion and while they're not that different in terms of bodyshape, Jake definitely wears it better and he's not as soft as John is. You slap them calves and it's all muscle baybee. Also has a very cute butt. A 9/10 if we're being miserly about it.

Roxy: Tall and lanky like Dave, with dark skin. Even though I flip flop with Rose I like imagining Roxy as black almost all the time, and I think she would tint her hair in pinks and purples after bleaching it, but it's almost always relaxed and heavily styled. She's got a brightness to her eyes and expression that make it very easy to talk to her.

[dejundary]

I genuinely don't think that anon was trying to be hurtful. They could have phrased it better for sure, but I think they were trying to make OP feel better by expressing that a lack of engagement can have NOTHING to do with the quality or value of the art.

I noticed OP said they were talking about a different platform, so I'll note that it may not be the same elsewhere. But anon is right that gifs tend to do better than art on here, which makes sense because a gif is a fairly direct translation of the idol's face, whereas drawn art incorporates a potentially infinite amount of creative subjectivity. Anyone who likes an idol is fairly likely to enjoy a gif of them, whereas drawn art introduces a wider range of elements that may not be to a person's taste.

And like anon says, that...kinda sucks!!! But it's absolutely no reason to stop making creative art (nor do I think anon meant it as one). The very qualities that can "limit" engagement are also the ones that make the art extra meaningful and memorable. I know a lot of us here, me included, love OP's distinctive approach to drawing Han, and wouldn't trade it for anything.

I think anon was just trying to reaffirm that a lack of engagement on any platform is NOT because OP's art isn't good (because it's amazing), so OP shouldn't have to feel like that's why.

Sorry if this feels like an interjection or if its way off base with respect to what youre feeling OP :) It's just that, as someone who also draws idols, I interpreted anon's statement as a message of assurance/solidarity, not an instruction to change anything about your art. Don't want people to feel hurt or ill will where (as far as i can tell) none was intended.

I think, and I think anon thinks so too, that it's really valuable that we keep drawing idols the way we find most inspiring. And enjoy the most!! Fighting!

Edit to add (and sorry this is so long): I'm saying this as someone who struggles with getting very little engagement on my creative stuff. Who sometimes wonders if it would be easier to just make gifs. And I felt like anon was being like "man yeah it sucks that creative stuff doesn't get more engagement", not saying "well if you want more engagement, you should stop being so creative". Because the second thing is indeed a terrible thing to say, but I genuinely don't think it's what anon was saying :')

if you want an honest opinion about engagement: creativity tanks engagement. youll get more notes on a gif set than almost anything else, and the more unique a piece is, (like for example how you add piercings to a lot of your pieces) the less people will engage in most cases. i wish this wasnt the case i hate it, but thats what ive noticed.

Ah... Let me just give up art and learn how to make gifs than so.... 😐

Maybe I'll just give up since I'm not gonna stop painting the way I do 🤷🏻

I wasn't talking about just this platform (actually this one at all) but thanks.. I guess 🥴

[jocatsidy]

Just because one thinks critically and recognizes cesspools doesn't mean they will vanish - sure, HOWEVER, if criticism was more severe and done by more people, then there would be less cesspools to begin with. This careless "live and let live" attitude makes it so that criticism of degeneracy gets discouraged. The thing is though, if we actively call out what is unacceptable, then that certain something will diminish because more and more people will feel ashamed of it.

Your point about lack of understanding still stands, and fetishism is a matter of subjectivity to some extent, but I can declare with absolute objectivity that what you do isn't right. The way you speak of overweight people is objectifying and disrespectful, point blank. Your point about me learning from visiting your blog is valid as well, since I learned how to differenciate a body positivity enthusiast from a fetishist. Whereas a latex kink or a rope kink isn't harmful in theory since the object of desire doesn't feel, fat kinks are reductive since they pull real people into your mania. But hey, what do i know, after all aren't I ignorant?

Kinksters need to stop believing their fantasies make them misunderstood geniuses...

First, I earnestly want to commend you for your response. This was well written, whereas I was expecting typical internet shorthand, so I'm actually glad this is more of a conversation. I respect that. I will do my best to respond without vitriol like in previous asks. Now then, let's break this down: "HOWEVER, if criticism was more severe and done by more people, then there would be less cesspools to begin with. This careless "live and let live" attitude makes it so that criticism of degeneracy gets discouraged. The thing is though, if we actively call out what is unacceptable, then that certain something will diminish because more and more people will feel ashamed of it." This is an outdated way of thinking. Shaming people to be "better" or "in-line" is so not what works in the history of humankind. It leads to repression and secrecy. It is that kind of treatment that creates "cesspools" or moreso, communities of people who feel the same thing wanting to express themselves. Crticism is one thing, and it should be acknowledged to any problematic case... but try reasoning that to 4Chan and you are going to get crucified in an insane manner. And then, who is to judge what is "degenerate" or not? Trust me, there are internet things I don't agree with or understand, but it's not my place to go out of my way and police it. I do agree in the drive to call out injustices where they need to be, but... To believe that every situation can and will be changed by mob tactics, and making people feel like monsters is naive and yeah... ignorant. "... I can declare with absolute objectivity that what you do isn't right. The way you speak of overweight people is objectifying and disrespectful, point blank. Your point about me learning from visiting your blog is valid as well, since I learned how to differentiate a body positivity enthusiast from a fetishist. Whereas a latex kink or a rope kink isn't harmful in theory since the object of desire doesn't feel, fat kinks are reductive since they pull real people into your mania." Now, this is the part that really loses me. It appears that you see me as a certain way, and we're at a stand still because changing that belief is going to be nigh impossible; I can't control what you think I am (nor do I want that power). We're going to have to agree to disagree, because I have already left a trail of shame and guilt behind me for being what I am; a man attracted to fat men and men getting fatter, and there is no changing this. I'm disheartened that my reply wasn't believed in that, again, "I would never wish unto others what I draw in my work." and "I would never do something to someone without their consent." This kind of detachment from me as a person is a sign that there really is no point in going back and forth in this. You've made up your mind. There is no breaking the wall. You don't get it and don't want to. However... What I can do to persuade you is to show how many people who will see and possibly respond to this back-and-forth that they are proud gainers, encouragers, chasers, and chub4chubs that will see you as wrong. That these are the people who in full control and autonomy of themselves and with the consent of their partners, feel whole, fulfilled people with souls in being fat/getting fatter/helping someone else get fatter/etc. Hell, these are my clients who come to me for art to be able to express a desire that they feel they'll never even have! And I'm going to direct the rest of this message to them. What you have read here (despite how long it is, sorry guys!) is the problem we have faced and still face and will continue to face. But the strength we have is that we know what who we are and what we're about. And to those coming to us to figure out their attractions, lust, and coming out... We will help as best we can. Please show your support to this page and prove them wrong. We have our problems, and we will sort them out... We are not just "Kinksters" that, "need to stop believing their fantasies make them misunderstood geniuses..." We're just people

who love fat.

[swarmkeepers]

hiiii you're great at writing image descriptions is there any like tactic with which you've learnt that or are you just good at it? (I try to reblog described art only but sometimes there's none yet and I don't wanna fuck it up lmao)

firstly, thank you for the compliment <3 and yay for trying to reblog described art! luckily for all of us, there's no such thing as just being good at it, so hopefully some of these tips can be helpful to you!

some general things that i think help to keep in mind: a rough description is better than no description, focus on the goal (which for me is usually expressed something like "i'm trying to provide information about what's in the image to whoever is having trouble accessing the image"), and you can always ask for help!

1. writing rough descriptions

i really love this guide to alt text on tumblr, especially if you're starting out and writing shorter descriptions.

i like putting the most important info right up front and making the ID easily skimmable. i've started steering away from IDs like "ID: a digital pen-and-ink line drawing of a roller-skating person with red hair, a candy striper outfit, and android limbs and..." and towards writing more like "ID: drawing of sundry sidney..."

2. focus on the goal

focus on what information is important in an image. this differs, eg. someone's redesign of a character probably means you can focus on the details of clothes/appearance/etc, whereas in a reaction image or memey doodle you're probably okay just naming the character

for me, i try to get the character(s), any text/dialogue, and any action going on for fanart. i also try to get in major keywords with an eye to people who might use my plain text descriptions to blacklist things with new xkit, eg. [character] from [fandom]

3. asking for help

i have an open offer that you can send me posts and 99% of the time i'll write you a description that you can post or you can reblog from me, you don't even have to credit me! several other describers who will happily do the same, both on tumblr and on JD keplercryptid's discord. this is a very low pressure way to get any art described if you can't or don't want to describe it yourself

but also, if you're not sure what's important in an image, i've had a lot of luck messaging the original artist! just a quick message like "hiya! i just wanted to say i absolutely love your [sundry sidney art/warfare whitney cosplay/etc], it looks fantastic! i'm writing an image description for the image right now if that's okay, and i was wondering if [XYZ]" i've asked about things like "what pronouns should i use for your OC? is this person's hair in locs or braids? what material is [thing] made of? did you use markers or ink on this piece?" i've found lots of fanartists and cosplayers to be super chill and willing to talk about their art!

[gisachi]

Hi ^^ I know that your requests are now closed but I was thinking that, given you have written jealous Shinichi, I would very much enjoy some jealous Ran! Maybe you can mix it with one of the prompts? Just throwing the idea out there, no pressure. Delete this if you don't feel like it, it's okay really. Thank you for writing these amazing fics, the shinran fandom is in your debt. ❤️

So this is the last (!!!) and longest (!!!) of the kiss prompts, and I dedicate it to multiple-requests Anon and to this Anon. I hope both of you still see this. It took me a while. ^^;;

P.S. Special thanks to @artycreaty for keeping this in check. You are awesome. 🥰

41. Kisses shared under an umbrella. 46. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart. (6,489 words)

.

.

.

Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.

She has hundreds of reasons not to. They’re merely childhood best friends. Life would be much easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven. Shinichi absolutely doesn’t look at her that way. And so forth.

She wonders why they’re even friends in the first place. If their parents hadn’t enrolled them in the same kindergarten, she was certain they wouldn’t even be on speaking terms. He lives in a world of grisly books and crimes, she in a world of martial and visual arts. Their hobbies don’t overlap. They excel in different fields. They enter the same university with completely unrelated majors. The only bond they have in common is their shared history. Literally bonded since they were four, until now at nineteen.

So when she sees him all jolly around his newfound circle who hold the same interest in Holmes or detective work, it shouldn’t surprise her as much. It’s part of university life, it’s normal, they expand their horizons, and Ran understands that it hits much differently when they bond with people who like the same stuff they do. Something she’s aware they cannot share a hundred percent.

She’s proud of him, and she absolutely has no right to feel jealous, especially when she sees him around taller, prettier, more interesting women from his course block. There is no reason for her to look away with a heavy weight in her chest everytime the women get giggly and touchy while he’s absorbed in narrating his stories.

Everytime she does, she reminds herself of how he didn’t seem to mind when she was casted as the protagonist of their high school play and the leading man was the handsome Araide-sensei. Or how he simply shrugged when she fawned over the brother of a classmate because he looked so much like the karate senpai she was crushing on. Or when she secretly caught Sonoko dragging the detective behind gym after P.E. to confront him about his opinion regarding an upperclassman courting Ran and his only response was, ‘She can like whoever she likes, Sonoko. I’m not her boyfriend.’

He never showed her any sign of jealousy, therefore he must not be into her. Simple as that. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him differently. Getting snarky just because he received sixteen new fan mails again, more now that they’re in uni, and two even coming from the popular criminology seniors he is often teased to? Or ignoring him unprecedentedly just because his eyes followed the back of a woman with long chestnut hair and voluptuous curves? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s bound to be attracted to someone else. This is a pill she ought to learn to swallow eventually.

Eventually.

“Shinichi-kun, you never told us about your scariest case yet, tell us about it?”

Kaori closes her notes and so do the other two girls across her, and Shinichi’s eyes twinkle. He truly seems to enjoy study sessions with the little group they made consisting of some of his and Ran’s coursemates because they love listening to his stories.

“At the top of my head is this murderer disguised as a bandaged man, and he targeted us one by one…” and so the detective drones. Ran pauses typing and reminisces quietly. Ah, that one from summer three years ago. I was almost injured by that crazy man during my sleep but Shinichi woke me up in time.

“Ran-san,” Shun, her friend and coursemate, mutters beside her, also stopping his typing to listen to the detective’s story. “It’s ridiculous how popular Kudou-kun is with the girls. He’s full of wild adventures.”

“Yes, he is,” Ran says, smiling. “He’s been a girl magnet ever since high school.”

She watches as Kaori inches closer to Shinichi, listening attentively, chin on her palm and flirtatious smile on her lips as the detective rants on and on.

For the third time that afternoon, Ran looks away.

.

.

Ran keeps telling herself she has no right to be jealous.

She does, everyday, but it’s hard when he smiles at her, cares for her, holds her in a way she’s never seen him do for anyone else. It gives her hope every time the girls cling to him but he never touches them back, whereas he automatically slings his arm over her shoulder because she’s afraid or cold or he simply feels like it.

Then again, maybe she’s giving herself too much credit. Perhaps it’s a free pass for being around him for too long. She even gets to spend time with him during weekends and holidays. It isn’t special because it’s normal.

And that’s all she’ll ever be, a normal girl in his eyes.

“Ran? She’s pretty special.”

Ran reacts to the mention of her name and catches Shinichi looking at her. “She appears quiet but she can kick anyone’s ass without breaking a sweat. It’s bad if you cross her,” Shinichi gloats with a grin.

“Oh my god, really? We can bring her with us then!” Kaori claps her hands in excitement.

“Ah... But she won’t like that,” he follows up, wary. Ran has missed the topic they were talking about and now she’s curious.

“But ghosts aren’t real and Mouri-san can give them a good beating!”

“Gh-Ghosts?” The color in her cheeks drains, eyes freezing at Shinichi who has probably already expected that reaction, for he sports that same look of concern as those times he had expressed whenever she joined him in his way-past-bedtime elementary school adventures.

“We’ll investigate an abandoned house I always pass by walking home,” Kaori explains. “Last night I saw a faint cigarette light at the second floor window. It might be a fugitive or a homeless person or a ghost, who knows?”

“You don’t need to come if you don’t want to, Ran,” Shinichi assures.

Gulping, Ran contemplates whether going with them will do her any good. It’s a nice change, it’s been a while since she last tagged with Shinichi in his cases. But she isn’t exactly proud of shrieking like a little kid in front of serious criminology majors who may feel like she’ll drag their covert investigation down if she joins.

“...I’ll pass,” she answers meekly, and his coursemates sulk except Shinichi, who offers her a smile of understanding.

“Man, I thought we’ll be able to see Mouri-san in action!”

“That’s ok, maybe next time. We still have Shinichi-kun!”

“Shinichi-kun will protect us, ne?”

“Hah. Right. Invite Hakuba too, use him.”

“Oh c’mooon, Shinichi-kun!”

Ran closes her eyes, struggling to zone their voices out.

In her silence, Ran ponders if she has made a wrong choice.

.

.

Ran has no right to be jealous. So it’s unfair for her to be treating him this way.

The following weekend, Shinichi narrates what happened in their late-night investigation. Hakuba wasn’t there so Shinichi was the only available guy as usual. Ran refuses to hear any more details, both of the haunted house and secretly of the girls chancing onto him during the investigation. Shinichi is puzzled.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Nah, just swamped with work.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Yes.”

“Want me to assist?”

“No.”

Her replies are curt from the couch of his house, not looking at Shinichi on the other end as she mindlessly cleans up her digital sketches. She hates how snappy she sounds but her brain is too absorbed with conjuring spiteful imaginations to even think of masking her annoyance.

“Ran, hey. Look at me.”

His low voice freezes her from drawing, and she slowly looks up to meet Shinichi’s serious eyes.

When this happens, she knows he’s reading her. She inwardly chants a prayer because now isn’t a good time. Whatever time isn’t a good time. She doesn’t know what to say when she’s aware everything she’s been feeling is irrational and unfair. She’s being selfish.

“You’re… stressed.”

“No, I’m… Eh?”

He scoots closer, an arm’s length away. “Your dark circles are more prominent now, you need a break.” His eyes turn a soft blue. “Let’s have dinner out? My treat.”

Ran is surprised, to say the least. The last time he invited her out was two weeks ago. She’s become so used to seeing him around others that any initiative from him sounds too good to be true.

“But I need to finish this project by tonight.”

“Let’s have food delivery then!” Shinichi announces, not rattled by Ran’s indirect refusal. “I know exactly what you want. Ramen and shaved ice.”

Her eyes thin at the absurdly goofy expression she knows he makes when he’s being mischievous. “Clearly you’re ordering that ramen for yourself. I only like shaved ice.”

“Damn! Miss Detective gets it.” A mile-wide grin stretches across his face, earning an eye roll from the half-smiling woman. “Let’s eat together on your short break, please?”

He leans within a respectful distance and she sees his smile better, pair of kind eyes locking with her overworked ones. “It’s been a while.”

Her heart throbs for him. So much.

She caves - of course she does - and breathes her acquiescence.

After two long weeks, they have dinner together, just them and Shinichi’s ramen and Ran’s donburi and shaved ice, Shinichi taking a spoonful of dessert from the cup when she isn’t looking and Ran snatching a slurp from his take-out bowl and laughing when he catches her.

With how heartfelt his laughter is in her presence devoid of any mysteries, Ran knows she’s probably giving herself too much credit, but for once she wants to believe she is the cause of why Shinichi’s happy.

Just for that night, she gives it to herself.

She’ll change the dark colors of her digital artwork to brighter ones after they eat.

.

.

Despite everything, Ran finds it difficult to contain her recurring jealousy.

The more she shares precious time with him, the more it gets harder to suppress the selfish emotions. What is so unsatisfying about being the best friend is that she is only the best friend. No more no less. At the end of the day, she isn’t the one he gets to cuddle with, to tease then kiss, to tell ‘I love you’ to, romantically.

“I love you.”

Ran feels her heart about to leap out of her chest.

“But please. Stop. Tearing. The. Cushions!”

The little furball he has scooped underneath a throw pillow wiggle from his grasp. The kitten and detective engage in a brief staring showdown before it jumps away to hide under a farther couch.

Snapping out of reverie, Ran watches her childhood friend slink dejectedly onto the partly scratched furniture. He’s fortunate enough that his mother isn’t around to give him a long lecture on Why Pets Aren’t Allowed in the House 101. She can always take Yukiko-san’s role and reprimand him for it, but as for this and the cat, she finds herself not wanting to intervene.

“Kaori-san sure is taking her time with her parent’s permission. By the time she does, Momo would’ve shredded all the pillows in this house.”

“You named the cat?” Ran asks, amused.

“She did.” He thinks for a moment, then sniggers. “Actually I did. I suggested a random name. She took it.”

Ran merely hums. What can she say? They’re getting close. Close enough to team up as parents to an adopted kitten.

“I’m surprised you also agreed to keep Momo when you never took in animals before.”

“Kaori said she’ll treat me to the latest Detective Samonji movie this weekend if I do. Can’t resist that.”

“Just you two?”

“Yeah.”

A beat. Then he turns to her.

“Wanna join? I can ask her to count you in since you’re kinda helpi—”

“N-no need,” Ran quips, “It’s—It’s fine.”

“No really,” Shinichi insists, “Kaori-san has a lot of money, she—”

“I’m going to Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum with Shun-san this weekend... so... I can’t.”

“Ah.”

Silence.

“It’s, um, for a project,” she bolsters.

“I know.” The faintest smile graces his lips. “It’s your thing. Both of you.”

“Mm.”

He doesn’t say anything else after that.

“Shinichi, you’re a detective, right?” she blurts out of the blue.

“Yeah...and?”

Then deduce what I feel. Here and now.

“Then you’re going to enjoy that movie!” Ran forces a beam, giving Shinichi a thumb of approval. “And you can discuss it with Kaori-san over dinner. I’m sure you two have a lot to say about it.”

Shinichi’s eyes linger on her, reading her like a book, and Ran has her mind reeling again, afraid to be read.

“Yeah, we do,” he finally says, ending the conversation.

Only a few words are uttered the rest of the afternoon.

Momo resurfaces and curls beside Shinichi.

Momo’s purring is loud, but Ran’s shattering heart is louder.

.

.

Ran must not feel jealous. She is not a girlfriend.

Because she isn’t a girlfriend, he’s free to fall for and date anyone else. Who is she to gatekeep him? There are plenty of fish in the sea, and he’s one big catch. Ran believes she’s a big catch, too. With the way she loves dearly, her future boyfriend is going to be very lucky.

Her future boyfriend is not going to be him.

“...mber the required fieldwork in one of my majors I told you? We actually go by batches. The first batch did theirs last month. The second batch was last week… and I— Ran, are you listening?”

“Ah! Yes,” Ran notices they have already reached her station and are now walking two blocks to her apartment. “Your fieldwork, right?”

“...Yeah,” he carries on. “I’m in the last batch... This whole winter break.”

“I see, I understand.” She smiles, getting what he means. No Christmas or New Year’s Eve together. The first time since they’re four. It’s fine, honestly. If it’s a required activity, then there’s really no way to go about it. She isn’t going to lash out just because she can’t be with him in her most favorite time of the year.

“And Hattori-kun and Hakuba-kun will be with you?”

“Hattori did his last month. Hakuba is in the previous batch. I’ll be stuck with the girls.”

Ran’s heart momentarily squeezes. “Where will your fieldwork be?”

“In Akita.”

Her pupils constrict. “That far?”

“Yes... so to cut on expenses, Kaori-san offered her house for me and the others to stay while we’re there—”

Kaori. Again with the tall, beautiful, intelligent Kaori. She bets it’s amazing to spend the holidays doing what he loves and with Kaori beside her, snuggling with him by the fireplace in a romantic snowy night and she might even confess, and it’ll be a great catch for Shinichi, and he’ll return with a girlfriend, and—

“Kaori-san is lucky.” The words flow out of her mouth, unbridled.

Shinichi looks at her. “Lucky?”

Ran remains quiet and keeps walking. It’s dangerous to say anything. She only has one thing in her mind and she doesn’t want to say it out loud. She has no right.

“Ran, hey.”

She doesn’t stop walking.

“Ran.”

She ignores his call.

“Ran… you’re jealous.”

She stops walking.

“Excuse me?”

“...You’re jealous…” Shinichi repeats quietly.

A contrast to his calm tone, his irises beset hers in the cold twilight and Ran attempts to shield herself but her bag and umbrella are in the way. She thinks of turning away but her feet are frigid like icicles, and Shinichi steps closer.

For the third time, he declares, “You’re jealous.”

Hearing her thoughts echo through his words renders her speechless.

It seems to take a moment before Shinichi’s brow arches, lips curl up as his eyes refuse to stray, and she hears a faint exhale even, like he’s exasperated, and suddenly he’s smiling - or is he smirking? sneering? - and...and...

It stings, is her immediate reaction.

For the longest time, she’d wanted him to take a hint. But if she had known this was how he’d react, she’d rather live a life having him oblivious of her emotional struggle. Dealing with that is more tolerable than witnessing him gaze her down in blatant mockery. He sneers as though he’s about to crack a joke and move on and forget such a laughable matter. That’s the last form of acknowledgment she wants for her honest feelings.

Heartbreak and shame and pain build up in her chest like a volcano closing eruption. Water begins to cloud her vision. She clenches her fist tight on her umbrella and Shinichi notices, and he takes another step forward.

“Ran…?”

“I am not, and you’re a fool.”

In a span of a breath, she’s sprinting in the opposite direction, tracing the path where they have walked, ignoring the distant yells of her name behind her. She runs and runs, and as she runs farther, with her thoughts muddy and breath short and dry, she wonders if she may have overreacted.

If he’s done that on purpose, screw him. If not, screw her.

After all, they are merely friends and she has no logical reason to act this way.

“Stop... running... will you!”

She hears heavy footsteps close in. It takes all the energy Ran has to prevent herself from turning her body around but his strong grip overpowers her.

“Let me go!”

“Why are you running?!”

“I can’t...deal with you!”

“Why? Was I right?”

“Right or wrong, it doesn’t matter!”

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Because I am your best friend!”

On another occasion, she would’ve successfully jilted away and run farther, but Ran is floored when he yanks her into a one-armed hug, so floored she drops her umbrella to the snowy ground.

“Stop saying that!” he hisses in her ear, frustration apparent.

“What are you— Let me go!”

He hugs her tighter.

“If you don’t let go in three seconds, I will screa—”

“I am happy!”

Ran stops struggling, eyes widening in shock.

Icy huffs tickle her neck as he half shouts, “I’m happy you feel that way!”

“You’re...You’re happy because I’m suffering?”

“What? No! I—”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? How?” The hurt in her tone is impeccable, prattling muffled against his chest as she spares him no moment to butt in. “You think I wanted to feel this? That I enjoy griping in helpless jealousy? And you’re rejoicing that I am? How full of yourself can you be?!”

“That’s not...You don’t underst—”

“I do understand! I understand that I am so incredibly stupid for catching this disgusting heap of emotions for an obnoxious, stuck-up deduction maniac that is my best friend and maybe it’s better after all that he never, ever sees me the way I see him!”

“Stop saying that, Ran!”

She thinks he has broken away, but he drags her back with an insistent tug, crashing his lips onto hers as she stumbles into his arms.

All willpower rippling through her disintegrates quickly like snow in high heat.

An impatient pop resonates as he separates, eyes slowly opening, breath thick and ragged.

“I know that is not how we explain things, but does that explain anything?”

She hears it. The madness. But more than madness, yearning bleeds through his voice so much that her frustration turns into physical pain. Blinded by an all-consuming ache, she tips her chin and presses her lips back against his, demanding for cure in the wrong place. Shinichi freezes, then relaxes. He moves his hand to her nape, four fingers in her hair, thumb treading her jaw.

They look like a scene in a movie.

Under his umbrella and hidden from view, they communicate through brushing lips and tilting heads. His mouth closing over hers with gentle force, her hands splaying across his chest, heavy with something that makes his heart pound under them.

She is so lost in the chase and his tender embrace that for a second she forgets she is kissing her best friend.

Best friend.

This doesn’t explain anything. It worsens it.

She pulls back, ending what she has so recklessly started. “N-no, I’m— No.”

She pushes him away, gathers the stuff she drops, and runs without looking back.

“Ran!”

He shouts her name. Twice.

On the third call, his footfalls die down. On the fourth, he stops running.

She doesn’t.

.

.

Thirty minutes before midnight, Ran stands outside his gate, boots buried half foot under the snow as she rings his intercom for the second time, thinking to herself how foolish she must be to cut communications with him for a week and then show up his doorstep looking miserable like a stood-up date.

It’s the start of winter break.

He’ll leave for Akita in ten hours.

She needs to give his Christmas present before his departure.

She’s crazy, pathetic, still frustrated, and hurtfully in love.

“Oi. You better have a good explanation for why you’re buzzing at goddamn midnig—”

“Shinichi.”

His surprised gasp is apparent even through the intercom. A rustle follows and with a croaky voice, he responds. “...Ran.”

Surely he isn’t expecting this. Not after the tantrum she threw days ago. He probably thinks she hates him more than ever. But what she truly feels is more overwhelming than all negative emotions combined, and may god grant her all the strength to address it all, tonight.

“May I come in?”

“The house is—The house is a mess I, um. I’m packing my stuff for...”

“I’ll help you.”

“...”

She’ll understand if he decides to turn her down. But the answer that follows the deafening pause is a low and quiet ‘Okay’.

Despite psyching herself hours before she came, courage wanes when he opens the front door and gate in his pullovers. She is welcomed in, and the trip up his room is wordless. Shinichi only talks when he points out that he’s already packed clothes for two days and will need help for two weeks’ worth. He lamely laughs when he instructs her to pick the tops and layers, and he’ll take care of the pants and underwear.

On a normal instance, she would’ve humored him and they would’ve been talking right after. Now she simply pulls an empty smile and then they fall back into silence.

She supposes he’s trying to act unbothered, to treat what happened a week ago as a one-and-done glitch in their friendship, never to be discussed again. She cannot fault him when she’s trying to do the same. But it’s not easy when in the stillness of the night the echo of their altercation howls, raging persistently in their ears.

What has he been thinking of for the past week?

Has he been kept up all night by the words she said and the words he left unspoken?

Are they still friends? Will they still be friends after this?

The kiss... What about the kiss?

So many questions. So little words. So little time.

Ran is seated on the floor, folding shirts and stuffing them neatly in his duffel bag. Her back faces Shinichi who is sorting out bottoms in his cabinet. She senses him sit on the floor, back against her but not touching. Neither dares to speak first.

A ringing phone cuts the silence.

“Mm, still awake. Good for two weeks right? Gotcha. No, I’ll meet you girls at the station, no need to fetch me. Pfft. I can walk. Ok, see you tomorrow.”

If Ran wasn’t so hyperaware of where she is and what she’s done, her mood would’ve shifted to the one she’d been trying to avoid. Now isn’t the time to think about that. Midnight sneaking out to go to his house is something she wouldn’t do even on good days. She scans her bag on the far couch, deliberately bringing a bigger one to hide his gift. Maybe she can just sneak it in his bag and leave once she’s done and he’ll discover it only when he’s prefectures away. Brown has always suited him, and he’ll definitely find the overcoat useful as spare protective gear.

That’s right. She always cares for him like this. She is his best friend first, and... and nothing second.

“Don’t just leave after putting your present in my bag. At this hour, I can’t let you walk home alone,” he says swiftly.

Ran’s eyes fly wide.

“How did you…”

He doesn’t say anything and continues with his business.

Again with the throat-drying silence.

Something in Ran’s gut compels her to speak, but she is surprised when he does first.

“I... I don’t like Kaori-san. If that’s what you’re thinking.”

Ran stiffens, pausing mid-motion from folding. “I’m not…”

He leans his back completely against her and she shudders, voice reverberating through her skin. “Ran, if you could just hear me out.”

Unable to talk and move, she does.

“Kaori-san and the rest... They know I love mysteries. They know I want to build my own private detective agency. They know my favorite Holmes’ story is The Sign of Four. They know how many crimes I solved in Tokyo. All the information about me which anyone can read from the internet and newspaper and from what I told them when they ask, they know. Ran, you know all that. All that and more.”

He angles his head to the ceiling as if he’s talking to someone there. Ran supports his weight, curling to her knees as she silently listens.

“You know of my first ever deduction because Christ, my first deduction was about you. You know of the two cases which haunt me until this day because I watched the culprit die in front of my very eyes. You were with me the nights I locked myself in here thinking about them. You know of the interesting, the boring, the absurd cases, everything, because I told you or you were there. You know of the odd way I play the violin while I ponder over a case. You know I forget to eat when swamped with new books to read. I have three copies of The Sign of Four but the one I keep beside my bed and read almost weekly is the one you gave me on my tenth birthday and that is all I need. You know me for me, Ran. Everything about me that is off the record, the good and the bad, you know all of those. Only you. The same way I do... about you.”

She feels him crane slightly to the side, addressing her.

“Ran.”

“Mm.”

“I love you.”

Ran’s heart almost completely stops beating.

“I love you,” he whispers, “more than I am even supposed to.”

All words seem to have fizzled out of her vocabulary as she sits still, stunned at what she’s hearing.

“I’m happy growing up with you, studying with you, bickering with you, acting stupid with you, investigating with you, eating with you, napping with you, hugging you, holding you, taking care of you, simply... being with you. Before I know it, it’s not the cases or Holmes or mysteries that complete my days, it’s you.

“For you to keep repeating that ‘best friend’ phrase, I…” He lowers his head.

“For who knows how long, I’ve loved you as that and more.”

Someone pinch her because in no way can this be real.

“I was happy thinking you’re jealous because it meant a sliver of chance you feel the same way. We could’ve remedied the misunderstanding easily, Ran. We could’ve talked it over like we always do. But I was stupid and emotions were high and in the end I… kissed you…” he takes another deep breath, “But—but you kissed me back, and my heart couldn’t stay still...”

Pulse drumming loud, Ran tilts her head on the side where he leans, wanting to see the slightest expression he makes as he continues.

“If my deductions are wrong and you’re mad for a different reason, and—and you returned that for a different reason...” she hears the pang of remorse in his tone, “then please forget I ever said anything and I’ll leave myself to die in humiliation once I’m out of your sight.”

He lays one palm flat on the floor and she notices.

“But if my deductions are right and you were indeed jealous, I...” She feels his head swivel enough to feel his warm breath fan across her cheek, before shifting back front and releasing a slow, guttural exhale he’s kept contained within.

“I’ll wait... until you accept it. Accept me.”

Ran may have choked on her throat for how long she’s held her breath.

In spite of herself, she knows she doesn’t need to think of what to say. She had it all in her head before coming here. Yet expressing it out loud is a different matter.

She isn’t ready, but when will she ever be ready? Shinichi undoubtedly isn’t too. Yet here he is, laying the groundwork for her, no holds barred and a stuttering mess at that. How she plans to build from it is the question she asks herself next.

Inhaling as though bracing herself, she places a hand beside him, pinky slightly grazing his.

“I didn’t... You never showed any signs.”

Careful and calm, he extends his little finger over hers. She doesn’t flinch, and both hands crawl closer until two fingers overlap.

“Either I’m a great pretender or you’re incredibly dense.”

“I’m...I’m not dense.”

“I’m a bad actor, then.” He slides his hand further.

“I was trying so hard to be a supportive best friend for you.”

“I sensed that but ignored it because I didn’t want to assume anything.”

“You did though. Now we’re here.”

“Would you rather we aren’t?”

“I would rather we spend the last weeks of this year talking like normal than being stupid idiots before you leave.”

“It’s just two weeks, Ran.”

“Two special weeks I would’ve wanted to spend with my best frien-... with you.”

Without knowing it, his hand has completely nestled atop hers, four fingers curled between her thumb and index finger.

“Ran... You must really hate the idea of falling in love with me.”

“Eh?”

“You’re so wrapped with the thought that we’re simply best friends that you hold your love in chains as though it isn’t permitted to grow.”

“I… I didn’t want to ruin the only connection we have-”

“Two friends falling in love are still friends… They are also more. You cannot ruin an indefeasible connection. Friendship and love may be the only bond we have, but they’re the most important bond of all.”

Ran falls quiet.

“Geez…”

He releases a thick sigh, brushes his thumb across her splayed fingers.

“I have shit art appreciation skills, but I can take you to museums too... as a friend and as a date.” A beat, and a mumble. “Even to better museums than Tokyo Metropolitan Art Museum.”

She darts her head sideways, realizing something.

“Were you also…?”

“No.”

Ran doesn’t suppress the heartfelt giggle that bubbles out.

“Shun-san has a boyfriend, Shinichi.”

“I—” he pauses. “I wasn’t asking.” Ran giggles more.

“Shinichi.”

“Yes.”

“I love you too.”

The hand above squishes hers all too suddenly like he’s been blown away and is needing something to hold onto.

“I came here to give your present and to apologize for being so shallow and for acting without thinking and for a lot of things actually... but now I feel there’s no need, because then I wouldn’t have...” She looks down at their intertwined hands.

Before she can return his squeeze, he recoils.

“Oh, y-you do apologize. Running away like that.” He coughs, and she can practically hear the tripping in his tone.

“Aren’t you already used to it? I’ve done it many times,” she chides.

“No. Apologize,” he insists. “And look at me while you do.”

Ran’s stomach twists, heart kicking up a step.

It’s easy to talk without eye contact, but to be requested so after confessions are exchanged—

“Face me, Ran.”

The familiar voice of yearning strums her heartstrings, tone sounding a lot like a plea than an order and Ran finds her head instinctively craning at an angle, hand coiling on the floor trying to calm her nervous beating heart. She feels him shift behind as well.

She takes all her time to face him, partly unsure what to do, partly knowing exactly what she wants to do. Despite the deliberate slowness of their movements, it is when they lock eyes that time truly seems to stop.

Shinichi appears so different, so soulful. His blue irises glimmering, fixated on nothing but her as she reveres him with matching intensity. The same guy she treats as her best friend looks at her with tender love in his eyes, darting down her lips and up like no best friend ever would.

“I love you,” he says, breathless. “Make me your boyfriend.”

A wave of emotion sweeps over her, heartbeat fluttering in overdrive as they huddle on the floor, bags and clothes and time forgotten.

“From best friend to... such a shift-”

“Nothing will be different.” He rests his forehead on hers, gaze of soft blue patient though more intimate now, knowing what they share is mutual. “We’ll still do what we do... With exclusive romantic commitment and sweet nothings that translate to ‘I love you’ in more ways than one.”

She attempts a jab on his chest but he catches her fist, soft but jesting beam all too apparent and she does but play along.

“What about when we fight?” she asks.

“Same. But...” he slides a thumb over her quiet lips, parting them slightly, “I can do this once we make up.”

“...Like right now?”

“Like right now.”

A genuine smile is the last thing she sees before delicate pair of lips lands on hers, capping their one-week fight and their last night of the year together in the best and most unexpected way imaginable.

.

.

Ran keeps telling herself she shouldn’t be jealous.

Not because they are simply best friends, because they aren’t. Not because life would be easier if she didn’t involve herself in his business twenty-four seven, because it wouldn’t.

Not because Shinichi doesn’t look at her that way, because he does.

She shouldn’t be jealous because she absolutely has no reason to, is all.

“I haven’t forgotten about your present. I was planning to buy yours in Akita.”

“Stop lying, you totally forgot it.”

“I didn’t. Stop that.” Half-mast eyes rake her side profile, and Ran covers a mirthful grin with her mitted hand holding the umbrella, then yawns. Hours of packing and talking and laughing left them with roughly four hours of sleep. It isn’t like she slept the whole period because while sleeping in his room isn’t new, cuddling while they sleep is. Ran couldn’t simply shut her eyes and heart to that.

“I believe though,” he wraps a hand around her free one, pocketing both of them in his brand new overcoat, “I gave half of my present already.”

“Hnn. That doesn’t count as a gift.” Her hand shifted, coddling his own to a warm fit.

“Really?” A smug smirk pulls up his face. “I believe I am a nice present, Ran. That’s why they—”

“Screw this. You are unbelievable. A humbug. Why do people like you.”

“I know. Why do you like me?” Shinichi laughs as he avoids the swing of her umbrella.

From afar, they see Kaori and the girls at the meet-up point outside Tokyo Station, though they seem unaware of their presence yet. Suddenly feeling conscious, Ran feels the urge to disentangle her hand, but Shinichi holds on, firm.

“Why?” He asks in a low voice.

“I dunno… maybe this isn’t the best time…”

“Isn’t now the best time?” His smile is proud and natural, not one ounce of reluctance visible.

Although she gets what he means, that doesn’t free her of shyness and guilt. Somehow she feels like apologizing to Kaori for… she doesn’t know. She just wants to. Letting her see them like this makes her think that she’s giving her an indirect slap on the face. Shinichi certainly won’t agree because ‘What’s with women and their logic?’, but still, whether or not it’s all in her head, Ran needs more time to prepare for this.

But to her surprise, Shinichi lets go of her hand. They are still a few feet from view when he steps in front of her and turns around. “Maah, fine, I get it,” he huffs, then smiles. “Then, just give me your umbrella.”

The moment she does, Shinichi closes their distance and dips his face onto hers. Ran is given no leeway to gasp as loving lips seal her quiet. It isn’t as long as what they shared a week ago, but the emotions are loaded and full, speaking fond thanks and temporary farewell.

She doesn’t realize she has closed her eyes until he separates, and she’s met with the most tender, most angelic expression he wears only on the rarest occasions. He’s saying without telling that her feelings are valid, she doesn’t have to worry,  and he doesn’t have eyes for anyone but her. Somehow, the snow is the sea and fish are swarming around but neither cares because they have already caught each other.

“You don’t have to, silly.” Three layers of pink blanket Ran’s puffy cheeks.

“But I want to.” Grinning, Shinichi hands her back the umbrella. “You don’t like hand-holding. You don’t like being seen. Don’t you think that’s a great compromise?”

“Idiot, many people saw...”

“No, they didn’t!” Upping the duffel bag slung on his shoulder, he steps back and gives her one last goofy beam. “I’ll see you next year, Ran. I’ll call as often as I can.”

Wordlessly, Ran watches Shinichi’s back as he jogs to his waiting companions, who by then have already had their eyes pinned on the approaching figure.

“That is Shinichi-kun! ...And Mouri-san!”

“Ehhh!!?! You’re a thing!”

So much for being subtle, Ran flushes inwardly as she returns the wave the other girls are giving her. At that moment she really does feel immature for her past conduct. All of them are sweet. Even Kaori.

“I knew it Shinichi-kun! Mouri-san is sooo lucky, I’m so jealous!” Ran hears their banter and sees her jab his bicep before acknowledging her. “We’ll take care of him, Mouri-san!”

The Ran from one week ago would’ve had her heart crushed by such declaration, but now she’s nothing but pleased and the smile that forms across her lips is nothing but honest. “Make sure he doesn’t drag your group into a random dead body, Kaori-san!”

“Hey!” surfaces Shinichi’s shout amidst the mincing laughter of the group and the onlooking passers-by, and Ran bids her last wave before they enter the station.

Smiling to herself, Ran returns home, the lingering promise of his kiss committed to memory, knowing that she doesn’t have to get jealous because she has no reason to. Their indefeasible bond is all the assurance she needs.

.

.

.