#where can i find all those beautiful fan art i’d seen but didn’t pay attention 🥲

[iiping]

it’s the humanoid typhoon! 🌪

[wpdarlingpan]

Hey I just read the yandere Jason's todd and I was thinking about how you said Dami was still looking for his darling/soulmate. What if yan damian found his darling at his Schools art room and she has a service dog? Like she loves painting and I saw on TikTok that a dog can paint to so there is a little set up for her dog and another for her. Can I request a story about this? Hope you are having a good day/night!

Thank you so much for this request! I love the idea.

Y/N= Your Name

Y/L/N= Your Last Name

Y/E/C= your eye color

Warning: Major Fluff

~*~

Damian Wayne had been stopped after school but a group of squealing girls he had not interest in talking to. They all wanted the same thing, his last name and his money. They didn’t understand he had no interest in any of them.

“Damian! want to go get ice cream with me?”

“Damian! will you help me study for the math test?”

“Damian! Will you be my boyfriend?”

All he heard was them just shouting his name, if those insufferable people wanted to talk so badly why couldn’t they even just talk like normal people? But he had to admit even then he wouldn’t give them the time of day. But he knew with his name he had to seem polite even if he wanted to run away, so he decided to combine the two.

“Sorry, I must go. I need to go get something from one of the classrooms.”

A chorus of shouts started up again with every one of them saying they would go with him.

“Alone.�� He stressed before quickly walked or more so ran back inside the school building. He heard them rush after him so he quickly darted into the nearest classroom and shut the door behind him, which happened to be the art room.Damian had his back to the door and he heard the footsteps rush past the door in search of him.

“Hello?” He heard, at first he was worried it was another fan girl that one bombard him but when he looked up and stared into beautiful Y/E/C eyes, it felt as if time had stopped. He admired the girl who was standing in front of an easel in the center of the room. She had on a white shirt with denim overall and a pair of converse. But she was covered in paint, blue in her hair, white on her hands, even more colors covered her legs, shoes, face, pants, and even her white shirt.

After he gained some awareness of how it would come across as creepy if he kept staring he looked down to the smaller easel that was on the floor next to her and saw an adorable dog with their own painting in front of them. There was a plastic sheet on the floor so they didn’t get paw prints all over the floor as their paws were covered in purple paint.

“Hello?” The girl questioned again before he looked back up at her and he finally moved from the door, closer to the girl.

“Hi, sorry to barge in like that.” Damian apologized in a apologetic manner.

“Oh! No worries. It just startled me a bit but then I heard all the foot steps pass the door, too which I assume you were running from people.” She spoke very analytically. Damian feel even more in love. She had a dog, she wasn’t squealing, she was very aware, and she was also very adorable as he saw the paint on her.

“You are very clever.” He replied smoothly making her blush to which Damian smirked.

“Thank you.” She spoke shyly. Damian could tell she was rather anxious so he kept talking to try and ease her nerves. Damian knew he wanted her to be his soulmate as the other bats. But he preferred the term beloved.

“May i see your paintings?”

“Sure.” She spoke nervously. Y/N wasn’t too confident as a person do showing her art to someone was very nerves racking, that was why she was there after school so she could finish her painting and not worry about the people around her, also because her teacher said she could try and see if her dog could paint like she saw others do on Tik tok.

Damian walked over to the girl and he dog and stood rather close to her, looking at the painting quite closely as to have ma excuse to stand next to her.

He looked at the painting and saw a silhouette of Gotham at night, he knew this because there was a image of the bat signal painted towards the night sky.

“This is amazing.” Damian complimented making her blush. She really wasn’t blushing because it was Damian Wayne making the comments but just because someone was making the comments in the first place. Damian then crouched down on the side closest to the dog and let the dog sniff his hand before he pet them while he looked at the dogs painting.

“This is a very cute idea, I might have to try this with my dog Titus, whats your dogs name?” He spoke as he looked at the purple paw prints at were on the canvas.

“His name is Padfoot, after the-“

“Harry Potter series? Sirius black right?” Y/N glowed at the thought of him knowing where her dogs name came from. She was really expecting him to be mean like some of the other people at school when they asked her dogs name. They thought the name padfoot was stupid and she should have named her dog like shadow or something based off the dark fur.

Damian saw her change in demeanor and smirked before continuing.

“I love the Harry Potter series.” 

“Me too! Well you probably already knew that because of the name but-“

“Hey, it’s fine.” Damian reassured as she started to rant and stumble on her words. Damian loved Y/N’s shyness. It meant he had to worry about a lot less people being in the way. Then he realized he didn’t even know her name yet.

“What’s your name?” He questioned in subtle flirty tone.

“I’m y/n! What’s yours?” She did already know his name but she assumed that he would like to introduce himself. He liked that.

“Wayne, Damian Wayne.” He held out a hand for her to shake and she went to do so before noticing all the paint of her hands.

“Nice to meet you, I’d shake your hand but I’d feel bad getting paint on you.” Damian smiled slightly at her kind nature and proceeded to shake her hand anyway that seemed to fit perfectly in his. He didn’t even hardly pay attention to the white paint that was in his hands.

“It’s alright.” He said as he saw her looking alarmed at the paint on his hands.

Damian wanted to move quickly. He wanted to make her his as soon as possible. So he began another conversation and asked her about her life such as her friends, family, what area of Gotham she lived in, if she was single; to which she blushed brightly at as she replied with a quick yes as she never even held hands with a boy before. Damian was pleased with all the answers, and he felt very protective over her as she told him her address. He had to keep her safe if she was just waking around telling her address to anybody. Of course he wouldn’t be just anybody to her but it didn’t mean that she wouldn’t go telling other people who he knew didn’t deserve it know.

Damian didn’t want to go the route Timothy Drake did. He didn’t want to immediately force her to be his. He wanted something that made him feel the love that he was neglected of for years. He found his beloved and he knew that he had to be gentle in a way. But he could tell she was perfect for him.

She had finished her painting and put it over but the others from class the day and Padfoots had dried so she picked up the small easel and put it in her bag.

“I should probably head home now.” She spoke after she put Padfoot back on his leash and washed most of the paint off his paws. Damian panicked slightly as he didn’t want their time to end but, he also knew he could go home and search up everything he could find on the bat computer.

They walked out to the front together and saw Alfred patiently waiting in the car while reading a book. He looked up and saw Damian walking out alongside Y/N and smiled to himself slightly. He knew the boy deserved love, and it seemed that he had found his.

Y/N was tempted to ask for his number, but she didn’t want to come across as clingy or pushy. She had deeply enjoyed talking to him and she wanted to further.

“Pass me your phone.” Damian said with a slight demanding tone. Y/N did so without hesitation making Damian smirk as he typed in his number and put his name in the contact. He sent a messages to himself after and discreetly changed her contact name to ‘My Beloved ❥’ and handed back her phone.

“There, I texted myself from your phoen so we have each other’s numbers. Text me whenever you want.” Y/N smiled brightly at him making him smile back.

She began to wave goodbye and make the walk back home but he stopped her once he saw her start walking.

“Wait you’re walk home? Alone? But you live so far.”

“Yeah, my parents are always working so they can’t come get me. But it’s okay, I’m used to walking home .” But Damian immediately begins shaking his head. He knew the dangers of being in Gotham as he has seen many first hand. He wouldn’t allow his beloved to be so unprotected.

“I’ll give you a ride home from now on okay?” He spoke decidedly. She began to shake her head no.

“I couldn’t ask to do do that-“

“You didn’t ask, I told you. I’m going to give you a ride home, it’s too dangerous out there by yourself.”

“But I got Padfoot to protect me!” She spoke innocently while holding up the shaggy black dog.

Damian looked at her with a look that left no room for argument.

“Fine… but just this once.” Y/N said before following him over to the sleek black car.

“Definitely not only once, but believe what you want to believe. I can be quite… persuasive.”

Damian opened the door for her to get it and he helped her inside before getting in on the other side while Alfred glanced in the mirror every so often.

“Hello. Nice to meet you, what’s your name sir?” She spoke politely looking at Alfred as he looked up in the mirror.

“I’m Alfred Pennyworth. And you are?”

“Y/N L/N.”

“Nice to meet you as well Miss L/N.”

She smiled at him as he saw in the mirror and he slightly smiled back and could already tell she was a kind person. Perfect for Damian and the Wayne family.

Her and Damian talked the whole ride to her house after she gave Alfred her address. Once they arrived Damian tried not to look to disappointed and continued to reassure himself that he would see her the next day for sure. He would also look her up on the bat computer.

They pulled up in front of a nice house that resided in a sketchy area, well all of Gotham was sketchy but Damian remembered one of the warehouse down the street was one of Jokers hold hideouts and he stopped a drug sale a few houses down and not to even mention the-

Before he continue she opened her door and stepped out of the car.

“Thank you for the ride Mr.Pennyworth. Bye Dami!” She said happily as she set Padfoot out of the car as well and made her way into the house. As the door shut behind her he snapped out of his trance of thinking of all the dangers and the fact she already gave him a nickname.

“Beat that Todd.” Damian thought to himself as he was already making more progress in a day than Todd and Grayson had in weeks with their soulmates.

“I presume that’s her Master Wayne?”

“Definitely Pennyworth. She’s My Beloved.”

~*~

I hope you liked it ♡

[marwankenzarisgaylittleearring]

“I’d like to end up as a tree”

Marwan kenzari (31) won a gold calf last year for his role in the movie Wolf. As of next week he is to be seen in Bloedlink (/reckless), opening’s act of the Dutch film festival. “It’s not my place to say I’m good.”

Bloedlink

“Acting offers the chance to become well acquainted with the complexities of being human. The Moroccan kick-boxer Majid in the movie Wolf had a fascinating interior life. His character was even easier to understand when he said nothing at all - I don’t think I’ve ever had as little lines in a movie. Rico in Bloedlink is completely different. He accidentally finds himself swept up in criminal business, but he’s actually just someone who’s had a whole slew of bad luck. In the movie his character undergoes a few very surprising U-turns. In my portrayal of him, I interpret all those different sides as honest, I find that interesting. In the movie, Rico does some paradoxical things, but he means all of them. Of course that’s simply not possible. That’s what makes him fascinating and tragic.”

Journey

“If I’m a good actor? That’s not my place to say. Sometimes you do the most interesting things you think are worthless in the moment. A movie is a collaborative journey, which, in the case of Wolf, I underwent with director Jim Taihuttu among others. Although I secretly did think during shooting: this will be fun. Wolf is an honest movie. The kick-boxing, the hits to the body, very little of that is pretend. Not that everything should be real in a movie, but this story required that. At a certain point I felt: this could be something really fresh in Dutch cinema. And it was.”

Peanut Butter

“Ever since that role, which I trained for quite extensively, I’ve found it increasingly important to stay in shape. It wasn’t a complete transformation; even beforehand I would exercise six times a week. But now I’m slightly addicted, yeah. It makes you mentally stronger, too. If I’ve been training on a Sunday at 7 am and then at 8 am I’m outside again, showered, refreshed and in shape while the rest of the city’s asleep, I’m 1-0 ahead. Scratch that: 10-0. I pay attention to my nutrition as well. Bread for example gives false energy. But I’m not always so strict. I get plenty of enjoyment from a good, white slice of bread with calvé peanut butter. And then fold it over, don’t cut it! You shouldn’t cut a sandwich, everyone knows that. Then you miss the first bite.”

Toneelgroep Amsterdam

“After the acting academy in Maastricht I was immediately invited to Toneelgroep Amsterdam. I was with them for three years, but found my attentions pulled towards film during that period. When the actors from TGA are - rightfully - expected to be fully available. We “broke up”, though that sounds too serious, with full, mutual agreement. I see the company as family and will be playing in Angels in America at the end of the month, in New York. Director Ivo van Hove has been very important for my development. I admire his knowing exactly what he wants, but also his ability to be unsure and searching, and to be able to be vulnerable about that. But I have to be fair to myself. I’m 31 now, and these are my most important years in film. While I hope to be an even better stage-actor when I’m fifty. I’m slightly further ahead in film than on stage. That development is tougher, needs more time and possibly total dedication. Stage is the motor in the actor’s car; film is a different muscle. But if Ivo calls me in two, or ten or forty years, he’ll be the first stage director I’ll say yes to.”

Pierre Bokma

“As the son of Tunisian parents in the Hague painters-quarter I didn’t come into automatic contact with theatre. As a kid I was mostly interested in football, the emotion you see on a player’s face when he scores - fantastic. At a certain point I realised that movies can affect you the same way, even though you know it’s fake. That’s the magic of acting. Through contacts I ended up with De Nieuwe Amsterdam, an in-between theatre course for teens for whom the leap to theatre school was perhaps a bit too big. I learned everything there: playwrights, Dutch actors, repertoire. You’re also taught which acting schools exist. And I thought: where did Pierre Bokma go to school? And Fedja van Huêt? That was Maastricht. It also appealed to me that they implemented Bijltjesdag: you might still be sent away halfway through the first year. I decided: if I’m going for this uncertain profession, maybe the best trial by fire will be going to a school where you aren’t sure if you’ll be allowed to stay. I was allowed, in the end. At the theatre academy I came into contact with art, philosophy, poetry. All of that was new. But it didn’t feel as if I was behind, I only saw it as a fantastic source of riches; as if I could try on all sorts of new glasses.”

Huntersfamily

“I never thought that this path wasn’t laid out for me, I just always let myself be lead by my passion and my dreams. My parents are happy for me; I have a good connection with both. My father is an amazing person - an accumulation of beautiful ingredients. He’s honest with himself, doesn’t spare himself and laughs a lot, that’s important to me. He might be made out of simple components, he’s from a huntersfamily, but for me these are the components that build a strong character. My dad can tell beautiful stories, about his life in Tunisia, about his old friends who aren’t with us anymore. Every year death takes someone new, and in that way a beautiful group of people slowly disappears, the protagonists of a generation. One lives close to the elements there, I find that fascinating. It’s so different to our life here. I’ll also never interrupt my dad when he starts on a story like that. Even if I’ve heard it before.”

Vampire

“I’ve always said: I want to play a woman, a vampire, a Moroccan kick-boxer. I’ve succeeded in doing the last one. A vampire is a wonderful character. The beauty of their faces, the sensuality, the tragedy of never going outside during the day, and of course their never ageing; never dying, in fact. I’d like to never die. When I was a kid, I suffered a lot of nightmares. About falling and never landing. I had a hard time in the dream world, I wasn’t a big fan of night. It was, I think, a sort of inexplicable fear of dying. At a certain moment I grew familiar with those dreams, figured out how to influence them. I could for all intents and purposes check-out whenever it became scary. I became the director of my own dream world. When I was twelve, I fell in love, and then I was over it. I still have nightmares, like everyone else, but now I find them fascinating instead of threatening. Beautiful how your mind can make a story out of all sorts of ingredients. Sometimes I call my mother to talk about what a dream might mean. For example, I recently dreamt about my grandmother. ‘She thinks about you and loves you,’ my mother says.”

Tree

“I still know fear and uncertainty, but they don’t hinder me anymore. They’re two trusted companions now, who walk with me. They keep me sharp and hungry, and in a good way, they keep me on my toes. As long as they don’t hold me back, they can be here. Fear of dying is now simply fear of no longer living. If a way to live until you’re 377 is discovered tomorrow, I’ll be the first to sign up. I’d like to end up as a tree. Then you only need to have a care for wind, rain and sun.”

[reidyoulikeabook]

48 from touch prompt list and 75 from prompt list 5 🥺🥺🥺 im so proud of you love such an amazing achievement i love you

-efirstly i love you thank you so much 🥺 secondly the PERFECT two prompts together you have a galaxy brain and i can truly not thank you enough for this!!

Ship: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: Some mentions of alcohol consumption & brief olden-time being married young talk.

Prompts: #48 - Dancing with each other & #75 Talking in an Elizabethan style to woo somebody

A/N: I listened to the ‘So Close’ song from the Enchanted soundtrack the entire time I was writing this so...put that on if you want!

A reminder I’m taking prompts for my 1k celebration until May 21st! :)

If Penelope Garcia loved two things in this world - Derek and science fiction aside - it was costumes and parties. So it made sense that for her birthday, she’d decreed she’d be throwing an Elizabethan-style ball. And that everybody had to dress up accordingly. Derek, always eager to put a smile on her face, had offered to throw it at one of his houses.

So it was there that you were headed, on this glorious Saturday night. In a not-so-glorious and infact, quite heavy, Elizabethan era gown. It was a good job you’d elected to take an Uber, because quite frankly the dress weighed a ton. It would have been impossible to drive in.

Good job they didn’t have cars back in the Elizabethan era.

Not that women would have been allowed to drive them anyway.

You’re only a little late when you arrive. Fashionably late, you’d go so far as to say.

“____!” Penelope greets with a squeal, rushing out to embrace you into a hug. You don’t even make it all the way through the door before she’s on you with a flurry.

If you thought your dress was a lot, you have to hand it to the birthday girl. She could never be upstaged. How her gown actually fit inside the house was a mystery, it was huge - puffy with a corset that cinched her in tightly at the waist. Her hair was coiffed into perfect curls. She looked stunning; like she’d stepped right out of a painting.

“You look amazing!” You tell her, squeezing her tightly.

“So do you! I’m so glad you took the theme seriously!”

“I take all themes seriously when it’s you threatening me about them.”

She laughs. “Well Derek did too. And Spencer, the others...” She frowns, “Well, I’d like to say they tried, but Rossi definitely didn’t. He did, however, pay for a gazebo and a live band so I’m willing to let it slide.”

You smile, allowing her to take you inside. She babbles some more on her way in about all the decorations, food, and how next time she’s going to make everybody send her pictures of their outfits beforehand.

She’s right about the gazebo though - it’s beautiful. It has elegant fairylights adorning it, illuminating the place in a candescent glow. The live band is an instrumental one - there’s even a fiddle.

Where the hell did Dave find a fiddle?

He’s rich.

That has to be the satisfactory answer for now. There are far more pressing matters at hand: like everybody’s costumes.

Horch is wearing some fancy suit, Emily has one that’s similar, Rossi clearly is just dressed in his normal attire. J.J appears to have picked one up from a fancy dress shop, but if anyone could make that look good, it’s her. Derek looks an absolute dream - clearly dressed by Penelope. It’s Spencer though, unsurprisingly, who has gone all out. He has a miniature version of one of those puffy collars on, his suit a gorgeous maroon colour. He even has white tights on, with the boots that matched. If there were prizes for best costume - which knowing Penelope, there might well be - she’d be up against some fierce competition.

“Spence!” You chime, opening your arms to greet him, “I love your costume!”

“I love yours too!” He beams, hugging you tightly, “The skirt of your dress is very fitting to the period.”

“Thank you!” You say, reluctantly letting go of him to greet everybody else in turn.

It’s hard to keep your eyes off him though, and everybody knows it. You and Spencer had been dancing around each other for months, the epitome of the will-they-won’t-they, and you can’t help but hope that tonight you might finally cross that threshold.

It’s Penelope’s birthday.

Who are you kidding? Penelope would be ecstatic to claim credit.

***

You’re giddy, not just with the glass of wine in your system. With happiness, the exuberant kind that comes from watching all your friends exist among one another. It doesn’t hurt that Spencer barely leaves your side the entire night. He’s a veritable treasure trove of Elizabethan era facts. You’ve learnt more than any history class could possibly teach you.

A slow song comes on, which is when you decide to seize your opportunity.

Now or never.

You bump your shoulder against his. When you have his attention, you nod towards the dance floor, “Come and dance with me.”

He furrows his brows, clearly weighing up his options in his head.

You affect an Elizabethan lilt, “Thou art going to leave me alone at the ball, fair Lord Reid?”

“I could hardly dream of it,” He says, imitating you, “Would thou care to dance with me?”

He offers out his hand. You take it, noting how he gets the barest blush on his cheeks.

“Thou had me practically petrified, I thought you may never ask,” You tease, accepting his hand, squeezing it once for reassurance.

He laughs, nose crinkling. He rests his hand on your hip hesitantly, only solidifying his grip when you rest yours on his bicep. His other comes to rest on the other side, just above where your dress puffs out. The song playing sounds vaguely familiar, although it’s harder to place with it being an instrumental version.

You lean into him, side-stepping in time with him. He’s not a dancer by nature, that much is clear, but he is surprisingly good at leading.

It’s easy to let him guide you around the dance floor. You stutter a bit, almost tripping. His grip on your hip tightens.

“Be careful fair maiden,” He reprimands teasingly, “Thou wouldn’t want to fall.”

“Thou wouldn’t want to be seen with a maiden who has made a royal fool of herself.”

He shakes his head, “I could hardly bare it.”

“I do not know how you can bare to be seen with me regardless. I’m practically a haggard spinster,” You say, with a dramatic sigh.

He twirls you around, voice slipping back into his normal tone, “Actually it was mainly women from wealthy families who would marry young, from age 12. With poorer or middle class families it was most common for women to be in their mid-twenties by the time they got married, the average age was about 24.”

“Still younger than me,” You retort, stepping in time with him. You’re pressed up against his chest now.

His breath fans over your cheek, from the way he’s bent, from the way you’re leaning in to him. His big hand spans over your back, holding you close to him as he steps to the right.

“Well,” He says, affecting the English accent, “Thou art a lady of the highest stature. A commoner could not possibly hope to marry one such as yourself.”

You giggle, “Oh fair Lord Reid. Whenst will I possibly find a husband?”

With surprising ease, he dips you, allowing you to fall gracefully into his arms. He’s study, supportive. Before you know it, you’re back on your feet.

“Thou might be looking in the wrong places.”

“Pray tell, wherest would one suggest a lady like me ought to look?”

“Perhaps closer to ones home,” He says, English accent - if you could call it that - slipping a little, favouring sincerity.

“How much closer?”

His hands return to your waist, and yours to his chest. There’s only an inch between your bodies. He looks down at you with sincerity brimming in his eyes, “Perhaps a little closer.”

Your hand trails up to his chin. It dips at the mere weight of your thumb resting on it, “Gallant Lord Reid, perhaps this close?”

“Perhaps,” He swallows, voice morphing into the accent again, as if he’s afraid to be vulnerable, “Thou art a maiden, thou art to be courted before marriage.”

“And where would one court a fair maiden like me?”

“Where would the fair maiden like to go?”

“Wherever, as long as you’re the one taking her.”

He swallows. His eyes scan your face, watching how you deliberately look to his plump lips. He hesitates for only a moment longer, before leaning in and planting the most delicate kiss upon them.

If it wasn’t for the elated drunken giggles of everyone else around you, you’d have been lost in the bubble of a moment forever. It’s okay though, because at your wedding, Penelope is sure to tell the tale of the Elizabethan ball where you - the fair maiden - finally got together with your perfect Lord. You have to admit, it’s a good one.

Permanent Spencer tagslist: @ssa-m-187 @reidingmelodies @cyanide-mustard @shesalatesh @sapphic-prentiss @geostarr @kathrynisadogperson @rem-ariiana @spoonielivingfree @starsandshit90 @spencerreidat3am  @takeyourleap-of-faith @sassiest-politician @calm-and-doctor @ssa-m-187  @averyhotchner @muffin-cup @purplewaterbottles082 @reidsnose  @wheelsup @ellesgreenaway @sunlitspence @spencerreid9 @drspencerreidd @reiding-recs @bauemily @cmily @retrxbarnes @jhillio @txmhoelland @spenxerslut @im-autistic-not-stupid @amoeebaa @veridianluv @sad-bitch-h0ur @nighttimerain123 @ytj2304 @reidtome @converse-spence @randomfavtingswall @bethc54 @hubbybowenss @sebstan-is-the-man @justanothercrazyfangirl @eli-side-blog @vntgreid @reidmeastory @reidemandweep @ggublerss @s1lverhand @cigarette-day-dread @newtmyheart @i-understood-that-reference @willowrose99 @v-is-obsessive

(message me to be removed - visit my taglist form to join!)

[lunammoon]

The Problem With Hetalia (As told by someone who actually in the fandom until like, 2016)

I'm hoping this post will explain to people who are still into Hetalia why a lot of people have an issue with from the perspective of someone who knows a lot about the show. 

TL;DR: By making the WW2 axis powers come across as a lovable idiot, his serious friend, and the stoic voice of reason, it downplays the serious nature of what the Axis did and seeing as the real-life Axis harmed real-life people, many people have a justifiable huge issue with this. 

I will go more into depth about this under the cut.

A lot of people are talking about how Hetalia is coming back after 5 years and a lot of people are rightfully annoyed at the show. But what I'm seeing is that a lot of the people who are upset are people who clearly haven't watched the show and therefore are unable to explain to people who have watched it why it’s bad. The most that you hear is:

"it glorifies the Axis Powers" (which isn't 100% accurate although the assessment that they are portrayed in a way that makes them seem less bad is accurate) 

"Hetalia Cosplayers wore Nazi uniforms in front of a Holocaust memorial" (which I'd say is more of an issue with fans than the show). 

That is not to say that there isn't an issue with the show, because there really is. But these observations are unlikely to mean much to someone who watches Hetalia. So, in this thread, I'm going to explain why Hetalia is Problematic with the added context perspective of someone who was into the show during most of middle school and until Freshman year of high school. 

I knew the human names, used to jam to "Always With You" and "Pub and Go" and “It’ll Settle Itself Somehow” and “Light my Heart” and “Absolute British Gentleman” and “Mein Gott” and “World Rondo” and “Excuse Me, I’m Sorry” and so, so many more. 

I lost my shit with everyone else when the season 6 ep dropped and Italy danced like he was possessed by a demon. When I hear “ACE” family, I don’t think of Youtubers. I actually took a side on the FruUK vs UsUk debate and if you look in my archive, you can probably find some Hetalia posts that I’m too lazy to delete.

The point here being, I’ve actually seen the show so I know what I’m talking about. This isn’t an outsiders perspective is what I’m saying.

So, let’s get right into it. While technically only seasons 1-2 are officially actually called "Axis Powers" (Seasons 3-4 are called "World Series" Season 5 is "Beautiful World" and Season 6 is called "World Twinkle") WW2 and things relating to the Axis Powers are an important part of every season and appear prominently.

While Hetalia has covered many things from all different time periods, the two most common periods covered are the modern-day and of course, the second World War. The show is Japanese and (I assume) because Japan was on the Axis side, these portions focus more on the Axis Powers of Italy, Japan, and Germany. The Allies do come into play. And while the Allies aren't directly like, evil, which would've been FAR WORSE they've got a kind of Team Rocket-esque thing going on? They're not exactly mustache-twirling villains but they're clear antagonists. Make no mistakes.

I think the deserted Island arc is the best example of the problems many people have with the show.

Take for example, that beach fight. If you've watched Hetalia, you'll know the one I'm talking about. The one that they reused like, 50 times. The Allies are clearly shown as the antagonists/aggressors while the Axis are literally just vibing on a (kinda) deserted island and defending themselves. 

Now, if this was three dudes chilling on the beach and they suddenly got attacked by another five dudes also on the beach who they then fought off until the five attackers ran away that’s be one thing.

The issue is that this is supposed to be a representation of WW2. It's basically saying "oh, Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and Fascist Italy were literally just vibing, not bothering anyone when suddenly, the Allies attacked for no reason. Luckily, they (the Allies) retreated because the Allies are Cowardly but they keep coming back and bothering them,". Do you see the issue there? Most of the beach arc seems to be the writer forgetting that these are supposed to be Nations, not a random Italian dude, a German dude, and a Japanese dude.

“Oh, but they don’t glorify Nazi Germany. They don’t really even talk about what Germany was doing! Look at this pic of Germany in a lab coat holding a dandelion :)“

That’s not the defense that you think it is and it’s actually a main part of the issue that I, and many other people have with Hetalia.

I think the scene where this issue is the most obvious is the one where they are gathering around a campfire and talking and one of them comes up with the name "the Axis". The whole scene has the same energy characters in a moe anime coming up with a band name.

They’re sitting on a beach at night. I think there might’ve been a campfire, the stars are out, and the three of them talk about their dream of making a world that revolved around them. One of them comes up with the name “the axis” and then they all talk about how you would translate "axis" in their language. It’s all very found family-esque. The way the scene is framed is to encourage you to route for them to reach their goal. It’s the same kind of tone you’d see in a shoujo with a girl telling her friends about how she wants to win the singing competition no matter what or in Sword Art Online when Kirito talks about saving Asuna.

The issue is that their goal isn’t to win some competition or to save someone they care about. It’s to spread facism, imperialism, and bring about genocide.

There of course don’t SAY that that’s their goal, and outside of a one off line in the English dub that’s been since censored, they don’t really bring up what Germany was up to during WW2 vis-a-vie the Holocaust and if they did bring it up, I either wasn’t paying attention, it was in the manga, or it was in one of Germany’s character songs.

The issue is that during WW2 the show seems to at best forget and at worst, gloss over it that the main trio that they're focusing on are the villains. And not like, fantasy villains. Actual real-life villains that hurt real people in the real world. Imagine if instead of Ludwig Beilschmidt and Feliciano Vargas, it was Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini. 

Are you seeing the problem yet?

I get why people like to watch the show. Ignoring the WW2 bits, it’s actually pretty good. I, as an American, really like Alfred F. Jones and the way he’s portrayed.

If Hetalia had stuck to non-WW2 related things such as that episode where the nations all talk about how horror movies differ in their nations, or they talked about their Christmas traditions. Or the ones where America and Japan are roommates. Or when they showed that time when America airdropped XL condoms on Russia labeling them as "small" for intimidation reasons. Or that series of episodes where they talked about Micronations. Or that time they all had to come together to fight aliens. Or the bit where they talked about the WW1 Christmas Armistice. Then it would be fine.

The issue is that they didn’t.

If they kept WW2 stuff for SOME reason. They had two options. 

Make the axis as proper villains

 Be explicit in showing that the nations will doesn't reflect what their leader wants. 

The first option wouldn’t be ideal if they wanted to cover any time period other than World War 2. The axis would be too unlikable and I doubt that an anime where Japan is the villain would appeal much to Japanese audiences.

But what about the second option. Have a bit where Ludwig is passing out White Rose pamphlets or smuggling people to safety.

Have Kiku (Japan for people who don’t watch Hetalia) purposefully looking the other way as Sugihara writes visas to get people to safety and covering for him against his boss. SOMETHING!

But instead of doing either of those, they took the bad third option which was, their choice to instead make the axis seem like likable individuals who are a group of three good friends who work together will in contrast with the “bumbling Allies” who are barely cohesive and constantly fight and argue. At best, makes it seem like both sides had a point and at worst, makes it seem like the Axis was a better than the Allies.

All of this is to say that liking Hetalia does not make you inherently a bad person, but you need to be more critical of what you watch and understand that there is a reason that some people have a genuine issue with it and they have a very good reason for that. You can still watch it the show, but do keep this information in the back of your brain as you do

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #294

“maybe it’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate”

Is your bed big enough for two people? Yes. What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think one stay at the psych hospital stretched over two weeks, maybe three. I don't remember. When was the last time you heard someone scream? Irl, probably at some point visiting my sister's family and my baby niece was upset. If you include via audio, a couple days ago when watching Egoraptor's Kingdom Hearts 2 stream. He's a Loud Boy. Who was the last person to call you baby? I have no clue. Why did you last go to the airport? I was going home from Sara's. Have you ever showered with another person? Not since I was a little kid with my sister. Is there something you are keeping a secret from your parents? I mean, nothing major. There are small things I don't tell them, though. Are you able to forget people easily? FUCK to the NO. What disgusts you about bathrooms? Sharing a toilet with literally anybody. Have you ever had gum stuck in your hair? I mean maybe at some point, but I don't think so. What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? I knew Jason maybe two/three weeks before he asked me out. We clicked so damn fast. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? It can become a bit much. I have (had?) a friend who did this profusely to the point it was pretty impossible to have an actual conversation, and then she fell off the face of the planet. Being in love is an absolutely amazing thing, but like... that's not all you can talk about. Do you enjoy old movies? Yeah, there are some great ones. Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? Someone a few houses down has a dog that NEVER shuts the fuck up. I don't know how it doesn't lose its voice. What was the last party you were invited to? A Halloween party hosted by my friend Summer a few years ago. It was a good time. Are you honestly happy with your life right now? N O P E Do you find it fun to pray for people? I don't pray, but even if I did, "fun" seems like the wrong word. Generally when you pray for someone, there's something negative going on in their life, so like... I think "fulfilling" is maybe a better word? Has your mom ever crocheted you a blanket? My mom has deadass been working on a massive blanket since she was in her 20s (maybe even a tad younger), and she's at the tail end of her 50s. She works on it less than once in a blue moon. She started with the intention of passing it onto her kids. Do you regret letting a certain guy slip away? Debatable. It's questionable if I ever would have gotten competent help without Jason leaving, and if I didn't, what if he finally had enough when we were already married with kids (that's what I wanted at the time, anyway)? That would have broken me even worse. What show did you want to be on as a kid? Whatever the Nickelodeon one was where you got slimed lol. Do you have regrets? Of course I do. Does anyone really know you? My mom and Sara, at least. What song do you want played at your wedding? It depends on my partner and songs we consider special. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? No. I do, however, love me some "Love Story." And you are LYYYYYYINNNNNGGGG if "Picture To Burn" doesn't make you feel like a Bad Bitch. Would you ever dye your hair unicorn colors? I would DIIIIIEEEEE to do that in pastel tints. I wish my damn hair took color well... I have literally only had ONE very effective hair dyeing experience, when my friend spent hours turning it red. It stuck for MONTHS. List 3 of your pet peeves. 1.) Turning tragedy into a competition; 2.) making mental illnesses "trendy;" and 3.) elitists of pretty much anything. Do you type fast? Very. What do you like to put on your pancakes? Typically just maple syrup, but I'll put butter on them if given it at a restaurant. Have you ever accidentally drank spoiled milk? I've taken a sip and immediately realized and spat it out. Have you ever had your heart broken? More like shattered into incalcuable pieces. When you were 3, was your natural hair color the same as it is now? No, I was dirty blonde. Have you ever received a scary message from someone online? Yes, I'm pretty sure. What does your first name rhyme with? "Infamy" is close enough, ig, if we're excluding other names. Do you have freckles on your face? No. I did as a kid, though. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? Probably the angel kitty (I had a coloring book, even), but they're all SO pretty. I love Lisa Frank stuff. Does your family always have your back? My mom and dad do, at least. My older sister does, meanwhile it's hard to tell with my little sister. She's not very affectionate and expressive of love to the point I question a lot if she even likes me. What type of wedding do you want to have? Gothic! Are you more of a leader or a follower? A follower, within reason. I'm definitely not a blind one. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Quite a few, actually. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, at some point. Do you have a regular vacation spot, or do you always go somewhere new? We don't really go on vacations. It's not an expense Mom can really afford. Where were you working 10 years ago? Nowhere. ... 5 years ago? Still nowhere. ... 1 year ago? Nowhere. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like a day. I know it sounds bad, but I left Girt already knowing I loved Sara, and I didn't really have anything to heal from. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? We'd have Saltines, chicken noodle soup (which I never really liked), and ginger ale. What's your favorite art style? Probably hyperrealistic fantasy stuff. What time period is considered to be your country's 'golden age?' I don't know, I'm not a history buff. Have you ever done LSD? I've never done any drugs. Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? N/A What is your favorite parody movie? Maybe the Paranormal Activity one. I barely remember it, though. What kind of first impression do you hope others have of you? That I'm kind and friendly and really care about their feelings. Do you have a good sense of balance? NOOOOOOOOOO. I stray like a motherfucker when I walk. Have for many years. It's weird. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry, ugh. Does your car have heated seats? No. What's something that has been in your local news lately? I don't watch it. What's your favorite internet meme? Oh, I have no clue, I love memes lmao. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing, really. I'm not very adventurous with pizza. Can you name any books or movies where all the main characters die? Not off the top of my head. Do you live alone? No, I live with my mother. What’s the grossest thing you’ve encountered in/at a fast food joint? *shrug* Do you swallow chewing gum? No. Do you ever get goosebumps while listening to songs? EXTREMELY easily. Like that is so, so regular, be it from the lyrics, the singer's voice, or just the music. Are there any amusement park rides you refuse to go on? Why? Most, really. I get dizzy way, way too easily and don't want to faint. What is the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on? I'm afraid of roller coasters, so I can't answer this. Never touched one. Don’t you think black jellybeans are icky? Ugh, YES. What was the last thing you measured with a ruler? I helped Mom use the long, flexible kind to measure the couch because she was gonna move some furniture around. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Oh, I'm sure the mountains when driving to Tennessee. I was too young to remember it well, but I can never forget that I marveled over them. Would you rather have a Playstation or Xbox made console? I'm a Playstation gal. What if you were watching COPS and saw your significant other on there? I'm... not gonna lie, if it was Jason for doing something stupid and not, like, murderous, I'd probably cackle. Have you ever tried to write to any celebrities? No. When was the last time you blew bubbles? I ain't got a clue. Have you ever stumbled across a beehive? More like wasp nests. What food(s) make you cringe? Quite a lot, given my extreme selectiveness with textures. More than anything, probably egg yolk. Have you ever played an automated 20 Questions game and beat it? Ha, I actually had one of those! I have, but damn was that hard. Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? Yup, Ichiban. Pretty cool. Do you feel that presidential campaigns make people too competitive? I mean, no. People care about who is going to be the head of their country. Do you find Family Guy hilarious or offensive? Neither. Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? No. Have you ever had an accident involving a microwave? Ha, I'm a travesty of a cook, so yeah. I remember on one occasion I accidentally dialed in many minutes for popcorn and entirely forgot about it. Safe to say I didn't eat it. I've split hot dogs in there, and I'm certain there's more. Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? I adore that movie. One of the best films ever imo. Can you handle heat well? I honestly doubt you'll meet someone who handles it worse than me, especially physically. I have severe hyperhidrosis, so I will literally sweat like a pig in 70* weather. I absolutely cannot handle it. Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. Legalize it for at least medicinal purposes. Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? HA, I can promise you my high school must have at some point. Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I don't pay attention to this. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? Fries, yum. Are roses your favorite flower? No, but they're high on the list. Have you ever been to a horse race? No. I think they're abusive anyway. Do you like lobster? No. Have you ever swam in a lake? Yeah. There's one lake I swam in that was so clear you could see pretty far and just watch the fish and turtles. Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? "Convinced"????? That's fucking coercion. I've seen people naked, but not by fucking pressure. What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? My older sister found a cracked amethyst geode once. Idk where it's at now, but I hope she (or we at the house, depending on where it is) finds it at some point, though. My niece has come to love smooth rocks and pebbles, and I think crystals would blow her away, never mind one that size. Do you eat beef? Regrettably. Are you good at card games? I mean, what's the game? I'm not exceptional at any I can think of. What is your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? Omg yes!!! I LOVED playing it as a kid, especially the 3rd one, I think? Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? No. Who is your favorite country singer? I actually do enjoy Tim McGraw pretty consistently, but I don't actually seek out his music. Do you know anyone who is Mormon? An old best friend was. Do you like grunge? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of cheese? American. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Most likely Covid. What’s your funniest story involving a car? It's not hilarious, but once we were behind someone whose license plate said "omw" lmao. What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? Well, a proven Covid vaccine. Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? Nope. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Idk. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? I'm not sure. What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? Having to explain my Mark tribute tattoo lmao. What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, and while it was great, "interesting" seems like the wrong word. Where are you not welcome anymore? Probably Jason's house, at least not by him. Or Colleen's, probably. Idk how she feels about me by now. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Paying bills. What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? I kid you not, our first cat would look both ways twice before crossing the street across our house. (Please do not allow your cats outside.) She'd do it even more when bringing her kittens there too to hunt. Chance was truly incredible. I could really give a lot of examples of her intelligence. I also had another childhood cat (my favorite before Roman) who would respond to a certain clap pattern I'd do if Mom let me bring him inside. Wherever Charcoal was wandering, he'd come running. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure it was RP-related stuff as a kid. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? I'unno. What’s the saddest scene in a movie or TV series? Possible spoiler warning for a super old movie??? Probably when the main character of Old Yeller had to put the dog down because of rabies. But I cry like a bitch easily, so maybe there's something that tears me up even more or just as badly. What odd smell do you really enjoy? None that are "odd," really. What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? I've seen a mink once when fishing with Dad deep in the woods. What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a work of fiction? Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think for a while & I don't feel like it. What food do you crave most often? Probably ice cream. Who in your life has the best/worst luck? I don't know about best, but my mom absolutely has the worst luck. Which apocalyptic dystopia do you think is most likely? A meteor, maybe? If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I'd want to know if they were criminals or just dangerous. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh, my niece is so funny. One of the things that gave me the biggest laugh (and was most adorable) was this time I was taking family pictures for Ash at a local lake, and Aubree went running into the gazebo, span around totally like in a princess movie, and exclaimed, "It's enormous!" She is such a darling. If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? Just how bored I am, memories of Jason bc trauma, lamenting my disappointment in myself, "why is Mark so perfect," worrying about Sara, thinking of RP character developments... What celebrity would you like to meet? Mark. 100%. I would die to just thank him (if I could get words out, oof) and hug him and try not to soak his shirt in tears lmao. Do you need money to be happy? Don't bullshit me, you wouldn't be happy homeless because you can't afford a home. So to a degree, yes. What's a good idea you've had recently? Hm. What gift would you like to receive? At this current moment, Cloak's (Mark and Jacksepticeye's clothing brand) limited edition "life after death" design for a shirt. It is so fucking pretty, and I love the nature focus. What are you most excited about right now? Honestly? Getting my laptop back. I wanna play WoW lmao. What's your favorite song from a movie? Maybe uhhhhhh was "Supermassive Black Hole" actually written for Twilight? Where would you like to volunteer? I very, very badly want to volunteer to take pictures of animals up for adoption in shelters for like their social medias and stuff. I've asked like the two local places, but no bites yet. What's the last song you listened to? Metallica's cover of "Turn The Page." What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching Gab Smolders play SOMA. Fantastic game.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What's the most beautiful thing you've seen in the last week? Snapchats/IG stories my cousin posted of the ocean while she was there earlier this week.

What is beauty, in your opinion? Something you find aesthetically pleasing.

What's your favorite brand of potato chip?  Original Ruffles and ranch dip is quite good. Of all the bands you hate, which do you hate the least? I can’t think of any band I hate. There’s bands I don’t like because I just don’t vibe with their music, but I don’t hate them. Do you believe it is possible to know something that's false?  Yes?

Does man have free will? Yes.  How many people have you ever dated? Two. Would you rather do evil or have evil done to you? Uh, neither... Who's better, Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?  I like songs from both of them.  How many friends do you have? Zero. What's worse, algebra or geometry? I hate math, period. We didn’t vibe. Are you a vegetarian of any sort?  Nope. What's your sexual orientation? Straight. Who do you look up to? My mom. Should art that does not represent anything be considered art at all? Anything can be considered art. Just because it might not represent anything to you, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t. People can look at the same thing and see something totally different. Have you ever... Literally wanted to kill someone? Stayed up all night...two nights in a row? Had a near-death experience? Been obsessed with a celebrity? Believed a person to be perfect in every way? <<< Only Jesus. Been hated by the people at an online forum? Planned your own suicide? Had an overwhelming religious experience? Fainted? Had an imaginary friend? Been windsurfing? Volunteered for an organization without having been forced into doing so? Wanted something so badly you'd sell your soul for it? Seen something so disgusting you puked? <<< Pretty damn close. Changed your mind about something important three times in one day? Written anything longer than twenty pages (typed, single-spaced)? Read anything longer than one thousand pages (in one day)? Felt as if you could do anything? Taken a friend on a family trip? Attended a Marxist gathering? Memorized the lyrics to the Internationale? Witnessed a solar eclipse? Fallen asleep during class? Been away from your family for more than six weeks? Which of the following best describes you Simple/Sophisticated Altruistic/Selfish Smart/Dumb <<< Kinda smart, kinda dumb. I feel I’m just average. Cute/Ugly Reader/Writer Math nerd/history buff <<< Neither. Into sports/Into music Unwavering/Impulse Serious/Funny Favorite Type of animal: Dogs and giraffes. Word:  *shrug* Number:  8. Music video: I’ll say Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi video because it has Alexander Skarsgard haha. TV show:  I have several. Philosopher:  I don’t have one. Video/computer game: Mario Bros anything pretty much, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, and The Sims.  Sport (to play):  None. Sport (to watch):  None. Living political figure:  I don’t have one. Work of art:  The Scream by Edvard Munch. Month of the year:  October and December. Name:  Alexander. Calculator:  Uh, I don’t have a favorite calculator. I just use the one on my phone if I need one. Comic strip:  Peanuts.

Enemy:  I don’t have any enemies. If I did, I don’t think I’d have a favorite one... Year of your life:  I’ll give you a decade: the 90s. Teacher:  I’m not in school anymore.

Restaurant:  Wingstop. Textbook: Do you crave adventure?  I’d like to travel. I really could use a vacay. Do you wear glasses?  Yep. What's the purpose of your life?  I haven’t figured that out, yet. Do you have moral integrity? Yes. Do you like your family?  Yes, I love my family. Do you like yourself? No. :/ Would you ever respond "Yes" to the question "Are you hungry or full?"  No? Your religion? Christian. What do you care about most in your life?  God and my family. Have you heard the term "Luddite?"  Uhh, nope. Have you ever been elected a class officer?  No. Do you get good grades? I’m done with school now, but yeah I got A’s and B’s. Do you litter?  NO. Huge pet peeve of mine. Just throw it away!  Are you a paragon of virtue? A what? Okay, so I Googled it and it’s a term for someone who describes themselves as being perfect and having no faults or imperfections; often used sarcastically and ironically. I am certainly no such person, no one is, and I wouldn’t even say I was joking cause just no. I clearly have faults and imperfections. I know people who would use that term about themselves, though. What is virtue, in your opinion?  Having to do with morals. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? How long have you been together? Why do you like him/her? Nope. Is incest wrong?  Yes. Do you have a calendar of any sort?  Yeah, I have a physical one and the one on my phone. What time is it?  6:04AM. Tell me something interesting. I got nothin’. Do you cuss?  Not a lot, but yes.

Are you bilingual(/trilingual/quadrilingual, if that's a word/etc.)?  No. I wish.

Are you mentally ill? I have major depression and anxiety. Does mental illness exist?  Uh, yeah it absolutely does. Ever fallen in love online? No, but in 6th grade I had an online boyfriend I met in a teen chatroom lmao. I would say I was like 16 or 18. I shouldn’t laugh cause it’s very likely the guy was probably an old perv. Who is John Galt?  I don’t know. How many songs are on your playlist?  I have no idea, but it’s a shit ton. What's your favorite singer/band? Linkin Park is definitely my top favorite band, but I have many favorite artists and bands. List three favorite songs. That’s too hard. Do you approve of math jokes?  I probably wouldn’t even get them, ha.

How about "your mom" jokes? Not a fan. Are you addicted to online surveys?  Yeah, you could say that. Are you addicted to anything else? Caffeine :O <<< Same. Do you have any anti-technological tendencies?  No. Are you bored?  Nah. Who do you despise?  Evil, sick, disturbing people. If you could cure one social ill, what would it be?  Child abuse. If you were dictator of the US, what's the first thing you would do? I wouldn’t want to be a dictator, for one. Also, I wouldn’t want to be in control in any kind of way over the country. How many kids would you like to have? Zero. What's the biggest lie you've told within the past two weeks? I haven’t told any huge lies in the past two weeks. Do you have AOL?  No. I haven’t had AOL since like 2004. Do you consider yourself a loser? “Soy un perdedor, I’m a loser, baby.” Are you putting off something important to take this survey?  Sleep? It’s 6:22AM, but sadly that’s become the norm for me this year. If you could change the design on the American flag, how would it look? I’ll leave it the way it is.   Why do you believe children like stuffed animals? Because they're soft and cuddly. <<< Would you rather die or have ten random strangers die?  Wtf. Do you believe nuclear weapons should be eliminated? Absolutely. Education? What about it? I think it’s very important if that’s what you mean. Slavery? Of course not!  Do you deliberately cause physical harm to yourself?  In a way I have since I don’t take care of myself like I should. I’ve neglected and ignored things I shouldn’t have.  Are definitions for losers?  No?? We need to know the meaning of words... Summarize yourself in one word.  Blah. Do you have any pets?  I have a doggo!  Ever had a blood transfusion?  I’ve had a few. Who was your first crush?  This kid named Philip when I was in the 3rd grade. When did you have it?  Oh. ^^^ What's your earliest memory? Preschool memories come to mind first. Are you listening to anything right now? Yeah, an ASMR video. Are you a good writer? People have said that I am, *shrug*  Are you physically disabled in any way?  Yes, I’m a paraplegic. Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?  I guess a leg out of the two. As someone who relies on their arms for everything, I really need those. I’d like to keep all my limbs; though, thanks. Are you easily amused?  Yeah, you could say that. Are you socially inept? I’m socially awkward, is that the same? Who's your favorite fictional character?  Eric Northman. Where will you be in twenty years? Gah, I can’t think about that. Do you remember the 1996 election?  No. I turned 7 that year , I didn’t pay attention to that stuff. I was a kid, I cared about kid stuff. Do you remember anything that happened in 1996?  I remember I got the chicken pox. Is it worse to be considered unfeeling or irrational?  I’d say both. What's the greatest sports team of all time? I really don’t care about sports at all. What turns you on/off? It’s been so long, who knows. Do you get angry over little things? No, but I do get very irritable and frustrated quite easily. If you could have one wish (other than more wishes), what would it be? Good health. Do you enjoy hypothetical questions? Ehh, depends.

How much will you accept without proof? Uhhh. Ever dumped someone?  Yes.

Ever beaten someone up?  No. Ever been addicted to drugs/alcohol/tobacco?  No. Who's your best friend?  My mom. Who's your second-best friend? My younger brother. Do you approve of democracy?  Yes.

[callunavulgari]

TOP 25 FICS OF 2019

1. these roads will take you into your own country by @notbecauseofvictories | American Gods | Laura Moon/Mad Sweeney | WIP | 33k

Here’s a joke for you: a Muslim, a zombie, and a leprechaun walk into a bar in Misery, Indiana. No one stares, because no one in the puckered, shitty asshole of Misery, Indiana gives a fuck. The Colts are playing.

Heather Says: So. It’s funny that another of @notbecauseofvictories‘s stories is at the top of my list again this year. Keep in mind this list is sorted by when the fic was read rather than favorites (because that would get real complicated real quick). Clearly there must be something about January. There’s just something about the writing that is easy to slip into, be it a Star Wars fic or a Labyrinth fic or even a fic about Johnny and the Devil. This was lovely and I can’t wait until it’s finished.

2. eighteen wheels on an uphill climb by @honkforhankcon | Detroit: Become Human | Hank/Connor | 91k

Hank is going to die. He’s going to die right here in Kentucky, 53 years old, halfway to broke, and tragically sober. Survived only by a nine-year-old St. Bernard and the 31-year-old twink who delivered the fatal blow.

Heather Says: I don’t think that this is the first DBH fic that I sought out after beating the game, but it is the first that I loved enough to make it to this list. I didn’t think that I would go for a modern au for this fandom, certainly not a modern au wihere Hank is a truck driver and Connor is a sex worker (albeit briefly?) but here I am.

3. Fuck pride (pride only hurts, it never helps) by ImogenGotDrunk | Detroit: Become Human | RK900/Gavin Reed | 41k

After the android uprising, Connor becomes a permanent fixture in the DPD. That’s fine. Gavin can accept that. The dipshit’s more human than he used to be, and a decent detective to boot. Gavin can deal with him being around. What Gavin cannot deal with is Connor’s replica; two inches taller, blue-eyed, and with a mouth that Gavin doesn’t know whether to punch or take between his teeth. The RK900 model has been assigned as his partner for the foreseeable future.

Heather Says: I also never thought that I’d like a fic with Gavin in it. But I got curious about all the Reed900, and well, this fic really won me over. The writing is fantastic, and it softens Gavin while still keeping him believable. Also, well, I like the enemies to lovers thing.

4. Almost Cool by @blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 30k

While filming the Yuma Territorial Prison episode, Shane gets bitten by what he thinks is a bat. Spoiler alert: it's not.

Heather Says: This is actually the first thing that I read for this fandom. In fact, this is the fic that got me into Buzzfeed Unsolved in the first place. I’d seen a lot of art and gifs and fics pass my way, but I was only ever slightly interested in what I saw until this fic came through my inbox and piqued my curiosity. 

5. Pride by @astolat | Game of Thrones | Jaime/Brienne/Cersei | 22k

Jaime didn’t understand why Cersei suddenly insisted on trimming his hair and shaving his beard, but he also didn’t care to fight her on it, even though he’d just as soon have kept the beard: it was bitterly cold in the small tower room with its arrow-slits. 

Heather Says: Wowza. This fic was intense. I’ve always loved Jaime and Brienne. I’ve loved them since the second book, which was read at least a few years before I started loving them in the show. Adding Cersei to their dynamic would have probably been almost impossible to pull off if it was anyone else, but @astolat lives to surpass my expectations.

6. Skin and Scales by Ernmark | The Penumbra Podcast | Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla | 18k

The man glares, and this time, Damien is certain it isn’t a trick of the light: those eyes are violet as amethyst. He wears disdain like a second skin–- or, perhaps, like the scales that he is missing. “Lord Arum?”

Heather Says: I was one of those people who skipped through all of the Second Citadel episodes during my first listen through of Penumbra. The stories were good, but the pull of Juno was too great. A couple months after I finished, I went back and listened to everything I didn’t. And let me tell you. Lizard monster. Honorable knight. Bookish girlfriend. Poly. It hit every single button I had and then some. This fic really hit the spot when I ran out of story.

7. someone you like by caela | She-Ra | Adora/Catra | 5k

catwithabat u think ur so hipster but u just look like a lesbian 27m she_ra @catwithabat bc… i’m a lesbian. lmao 5m

Heather Says: Noooot usually a big fan of high school fics. Namely because I’m not in high school anymore and well, after you read so many in your teenage years they sort of lose their luster. This one was phenomenal enough to change my mind.

8. Sands of Time by @tirsynni | Legend of Zelda | Ganondorf/Link | WIP | 98k

Link awakens in the desert with no idea how he got there, to encounter his worst enemy...except it was the King of the Gerudo, not the King of Evil, he faced.

Heather Says: I have seen a lot of really good Link/Ganondorf art over the years, but never really stumbled across a fic that didn’t have judicious amount of non-con involved. But the Breath of the Wild 2 trailer happened, and everybody started drawing really pretty art, so I went looking. And lo and behold, @tirsynni saved the day with this gorgeous time travel/fix-it fic. 

9. killed with kindness by veterization | Persona 5 | Akechi/Akira | 52k

Goro can't quite figure out why so many people keep acting like they're his friend. (Or: the one where the Phantom Thieves decide to know thy enemy, befriend thy enemy, love thy enemy, crush on thy enemy).

Heather Says: I’ve read a couple of veterization’s fics over the years, and to date they have never disappointed me. They published this in June, and I think I clicked on it mostly because I was bored and hadn’t read any good P5 fic yet. This was basically just what the doctor ordered, and I was really happy to find something where Akechi’s story went ever so slightly different.

10. paper thin by @ebonybow | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 9k

Shane’s new neighbors are a morning-sex kind of couple.

Heather Says: So I went into this one knowing very little about how Sara fit into things. I didn’t know she was Shane’s girlfriend. I’d never even seen her, but I clicked because I like poly and I trust the author. I was 100% not disappointed. There’s also another fic with a very similar dynamic here, which is also aces.

11. damn.nation, now available on itunes by @kaikamahine | Good Omens | Aziraphale/Crowley | 11k

When lowly tempt-pusher Amphora (formerly of Stairwell 7B North, before she Fell,) gets the notice that end times are nigh, she gleefully quits her job and cancels her Netflix subscription and takes her place among the legions of hell. This, it turns out, was a bad plan.

Heather Says: Elizabeth may have only written one fic this year, but she made it a damn good one. I’ve always loved her OCs especially, so I was pretty tickled that this is 10k+ of outsider pov. Also, demons! Demons are great! This demon is great! I want like 9 seasons and a movie about Amphora, just saying.

12. The Dragon and Her Wolves by hapakitsune | Game of Thrones | Jon/Sansa/Daenarys | 60k

When the truth of Jon's birthright is revealed, control of the North and Daenerys's claim to the Iron Throne are both called into question. To preserve their tenuous alliance and secure her rule, Daenerys puts aside her personal feelings to arrange a marriage of political convenience between Jon and Sansa Stark.

Heather Says: What do you mean season 8 didn’t exist and the show totally ended with a three way relationship between the two most powerful women in Westeros and Jon Snow? Never been a big fan of Jon/Sansa before this, but this is another of those writers that I would literally trust if they wrote a fic about a fork and a spoon.

13. never tell me the odds by @wildehacked | Wolf 359 | Eiffel/Hera | 9k

“I tried Star Wars," he says, adjusting the phone under his neck, "and it was way underwhelming.”

A shaky breath from her end. “Well, where did you start?”

Heather Says: I don’t remember which of @wildehacked‘s fandoms I started reading first. Most recently it’s been The Magnus Archives (more on this later). The point is, they’d written Wolf 359 fic and it had Hera and Eiffel and it was literally everything that I’ve been looking for since the series ended.

14. Find Me Somebody by raiining | Good Omens | Warlock/Adam Young | 11k

“You left me,” he said. “You both left me, for him. And I can’t even blame you, because I’d have left me for him too.”

Heather Says: There was an Art. The art was lovely. So I went looking, because that’s what I do when faced with beautiful art depicting a rare pairing. And I found the holy grail. Like, possibly my favorite Good Omens fic? Ever? 

15. flirting with fire by @brawlite | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | WIP | 7k

Steve's a cop, Billy's a firefighter. It's not a grudge, it's just a regular old small town rivalry.

Heather Says: Okay so brawlite has written a lot of great stuff this year (more on that later), but I read this in bed at the beach house this August while I was reeling from both a horrible sunburn and like seven hours of mild to moderate day-drinking while everyone else was still throwing back shots right outside my bedroom door. Jaws was playing on the tv and I wasn’t even paying attention to it, because THIS. Long story short, I’ve been thirsty for more ever since.

16. gold, when you find me by mmtion | The Flash | Iris/Barry | 53k

It's not that Iris hates The Flash, per say - more that she hates writing about The Streak in a weekly, pun-heavy comic based on The Flash.

Heather Says: I never would have thought that a canon pairing would make it to my Top 25 list, but here we are. I like Iris/Barry a lot better when they don’t grow up together and spend a lot of time playing the Superman game, apparently. Also, this was really well-written, and sexual tension has never been something I’ve felt from Barry and Iris, but I felt it in this fic. Just. Damn.

17. never gets old by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger| Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 78k

Falling in love with a cam boy named KingSteve isn't the smartest thing Billy Hargrove has ever done, nor is it the most healthy -- but the good choice is rarely ever the fun choice, and Billy is all about living life fast and loose.

Heather Says: Told you I’d come back to it. brawlite and toastranger are a fantastic team. last year was cherry pie and under the covers, this year it’s camboys and cop/firefighter dynamics. Also, I have a really strange fascination with fics where a character has an instragram. It’s really, incredibly strange. Also also, every time I see this fic title I get that one Discovery Channel song stuck in my head. And no, it probably isn’t the one you’re thinking.

18. ways to save the world by @wildehacked | The Magnus Archives | Martin Blackwood/Jon Sims | 19k

“I left you,” Martin says softly.

Heather Says: And we’re back at wildehacked too! The Magnus Archives was a thing that happened to me. This is I think the first fic I read for it while listening, and it was so very close to what we got in canon. I think when it comes down to it though, I still prefer this fic, even if the ending of this season was pretty fantastic.

19. The Denial Twist by beethechange | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 35k

“This is kind of surreal,” Shane says, taking a sip of his tea. It’s piping hot and delicious, except it tastes like hot chocolate and not like tea at all. “Sort of—Wonka-esque, right? Or Alice in Wonderland.”

Heather Says: While the vampire one is my favorite both because it is excellent and because it was my first, this one was bizarre and sexy and also I read it like only a month or so ago! The dancing was my favorite part, but having dreams to work with made this story fantastically interesting and I loved every second of it.

20. silver in our lungs by taywen | Spinning Silver | Miryem/The Staryk Lord | 4k

The marks had been with Miryem for as long as she could remember. There were a number of them, all the same shade, following one after the other around her left wrist. They were pale as old scars, though they felt no different from the rest of her skin, and her mother claimed that Miryem had been born with them.

Heather Says: I really like soulmate aus. There’s so many different ways to twist them and the way they can sometimes change the dynamic entirely and other times not change them at all is just fascinating. I’ve been hoping there would be more Spinning Silver content on ao3 and running into this while I was trying to decide what I wanted to do for yuletide was a real treat.

21. you got me begging, begging, i'm on my knees by plalligator | The Queen’s Thief | Attolia/Eugenides/Costis | 5k

Costis has a particularly enlightening evening. (or, that struggle when you're a guard who's in love with your rulers and it turns out you would kind of like it if they bossed you around a little)

Heather Says: I accidentally re-read the King of Attolia and it made me consider ships I had perhaps not previously considered. This was really lovely and just steamy enough.

22. something more alive than silence by pageleaf | The Queen’s Thief | Attolia/Eugenides/Costis | 21k

It was a good thing that six months after the king had promised to halve the guard, he still hadn’t done it, because since then, there had been two attempts on the king’s life.

Heather Says: I want to only type the words AGONIZED NOISES to describe this fic because that’s basically my headspace when I get 21k of a shiny new ot3, but I mean. Really. This is super good and maybe my favorite yet? Why didn’t I start reading this fandom when I first read the books?

23. Timing it Right by DragonBandit | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 14k

The dragon chooses, Mark knows that as well as any boy born in a weyr. He'd never considered what that would mean if the dragon picked someone you hated. He's starting to think that was a mistake.

Damien's gold rises at Whitney. Mark tries to make things right.

Heather Says: This should actually be somewhere back in March, but I apparently closed out of the tab at some point. I never really got into Pern much. I have the first three books, but got most of the way through the first one a long time ago and then never picked it back up. I didn’t think I would like this, mostly because of the fact that I hadn’t gotten into the books, but was surprised to find that I absolutely loved it.

24. Keep It In Your Sights Now by LuckyDiceKirby | Shades of Magic | Lila/Kell/Holland | 9k

Holland travels with Lila and Kell. Somewhere along the way, they reach an equilibrium.

Heather Says: I love the new things I’ve discovered during my yuletide trompings. I don’t think I ever actually considered this pairing when I first read the books, but I am just so enamored with the idea of the three of them together. Like, why did I not realize that potential back then? This was lovely, and I loved it, and I want so much more out of this pairing than what ao3 has to offer me.

25. Charioteer by petrichoral | The Queen’s Thief | Gen & Costis | 13k

Captured in battle and stuck in the Mede capital, Costis has given up all hope of seeing his country again. But Eugenides has a habit of turning up where he's least expected.

Heather Says: Technically this shouldn’t be on here because I only read it today, but it was really wonderful and so canon typical. Gen and Costis were perfect in it, Irene was perfect in it. Everyone was perfect and nothing hurts.

[i-live-for-queen]

I’m With The Band

Pairings: Male reader x Freddie Mercury, Brian May x Roger Taylor (Maylor)

Summary: Your boyfriend, Freddie, introduces you to Smile. Brian and Roger liked and trusted you so much that they began to write you letters. But they weren’t normal letters, they were love letters confessing their love for eachother.

Fandom: Queen (Band)

Word Count: 1520 words

Notes: Merry Christmas @fandom-star ! I’m your secret santa! I hope you like the fic ❤️

Warnings: None (very fluffy and SFW)

Anyone would expect dates with Freddie Mercury to be flamboyant and luxurious, but you weren’t anyone. You were his boyfriend.

He was a very excentric person outside, but when he was with you, he was a man of simple likes. For him, the perfect date would be to spend the afternoon in his apartment watching old movies with you and his cats. Spending time with you was enough.

You two first met in a gay bar. You payed the security guard for a VIP seat just to be a little closer to him. After dancing all night, he liked you so much that he invited you to stay at his place for the night where he cuddled you to sleep.

After that, you went to dates with him everyday. But the most memorable one was the visit to the art museum. You knew he liked art but when you took him to the entrance of the museum his face was full of excitement. You’ve never seen him happier. He knew almost every artist and gave you lots of fun facts and the stories behind some of his favorite paintings. He was at his element.

For his birthday, you two went bicycling through the city and had tea in a café that was full of framed pictures of cats and flowers. For your birthday, he sang your favorite song on the piano and took you to the cinema. He even made a drawing for you!

Freddie introduced you to his favorite band, Smile, and they loved you. Actually, Brian and Roger loved you and trusted you SO much that when you were out of town or without them, they wrote you letters! (Freddie also wanted to write you because he’s a sweetheart). You expected the letters to be about issues of the band like that one time Roger walked right into the drum set and everyone was either pissed or laughing like maniacs, but they were… Love letters! That made you very excited and nervous, but you read and answered them anyway because they were too cute.

The first one was written by the drummer:

Dear (Y/N),

Hi! Good news! I have a huge crush on that curly boy who’s talented, kind, handsome and cute. He’s perfection. More gorgeous and elegant than the most beautiful swan, smarter than any crow and as kind as a dog. Bad news: If only he loved me as much as I do…

Wake up, Roger! Gotta stop daydreaming about him! Ugh, I’m so obvious I’m surprised he didn’t call me a f*ggot by now. Anyways, it’s drumming time.

See ya!

Roger.

The next one, by the guitarrist:

Dear (Y/N),

I have always had a soft spot for the blonde drummer. We have been playing together for a couple of years by now but whenever I see him or talk to him I feel like our souls connect, like the moon and stars are blessing me with the light that comes out of his eyes when he talks about what he’s passionate about, like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. My only hope is that he feels the same way.

When our singer left us for some mediocre other band, that light dissapeared. We were devastated. No one comes to see a guitarist and a drummer perform. They come to see the singer and his band. I assured him we’ll be “doing all right” without him, like my favorite song of ours, but he didn’t care. I tried harder and harder to make that light come back, but it didn’t. At least not right away.

I tried to forget our sadness and find another singer for the band but he wouldn’t appear out of thin air, wouldn’t he? But he did. Roger had had told me a lot of his cheerful roommate but I didn’t think he would be such an amazing singer. But he is.

We’re a band again! The light in Roger's eyes returned. Brighter than ever. He was so happy that I could feel the warmth of his smile, his golden hair and the bluest, kindest eyes I’ve ever seen, shining whenever I met them. I wanted to tell him what I felt but I knew I couldn’t. What if I misunderstood everything? What if he saw me only as a very close friend? But at the same time, what if he wanted us to be together? I asked myself those questions last night until I fell into an uneasy sleep.

I just woke up, so I have to make breakfast. Until then, write to me soon.

Bri.

Wow, he was deeply in love, huh? And then Freddie:

Dear (Y/N),

I’m so sure that those foolish boys are in love as that my name is Freddie Mercury or that my boyfriend (AKA you, my darling) is the cutest human that has ever walked this land, but I guess I’m the only one who knows that. I keep giving Roger lots of tips and excuses to meet his obvious and charming prince and he appreciates them, but he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself, not when he could risk his chance to win the love of his life.

I also tried to talk to the tall guitarrist about this issue but he either blushes hard or runs towards the bathroom. Such a shy boy, he is…

But an idea came to mind as some months full of interactions between those two but no action passed: what better idea than a private gig to celebrate our success on adding that brilliant bassplayer to the band? It would be good for us to perform our latest singles, but perfect for those lovebirds to finally confess their love! I’m a genius!

Do you fancy taking a walk with me to the park on Sunday? Let me know in your next letter.

Love,

Freddie

They were always written in that order (Roger, Brian and Freddie) but you neither cared or noticed.

The last one by Roger:

Dear (Y/N),

You wouldn’t guess what just happened. Freddie organized a private gig to celebrate that we found John! Can you believe that? I’m so excited to spend more time with Brian, err, practise drumming!

I’ll tell you all the details when the time comes.

See ya!

Roger.

And the last one by Brian:

Dear (Y/N),

I don’t know what to do. You probably know about Freddie’s idea of that gig since you’re his boyfriend and he tells you everything, but do you think I should go? My health isn’t at its best at the moment but at the same time I don’t want to miss the opportunity to finally talk to Roger about my feelings.

Sorry this one’s shorter than the others but I have to go. Write to me soon,

Bri.

Those letters were driving you crazy. All the responsability, the hype everything about them made you regret being friends with the band. But the boys were so funny and filled with love that you couldn’t just leave them.

You went to the gig just to find a couple of groupies and fans waiting for the band to come to the small stage, and as soon as you made your way to the crowd, the boys took their places and began to play. All of them were there, even Brian, whose nose was a shade of pink, probably because of the cold he had the other day that just didn’t wear off.

After an hour, they stopped playing, the crowd cheered and began to leave. Brian and Roger said they had to talk about something, so that leaved you with John and Freddie. Freddie asked you to have a drink at the bar and offered John to come too if he wanted, but he said he wanted to go home so Freddie and you went to your destination.

“Did you enjoy our walk to the park, darling?” Freddie asked loudly over the heavy music of the bar. “Of course. I’d love to do it again” You said quickly. “Fantastic! Also, do you think those two will confess?” Freddie asked, but before he could say anything else, your attention went to the window next to you. Freddie turned his head too. Brian and Roger were standing outside the bar, talking animadetly until the taller one kissed the blonde boy softly. Both Freddie and you kept staring and Freddie let out a giggle. Roger grabbed Brian’s waist deeping the kiss and then pulled off. A smile tracing his face. Then, they held hands and walked out the scene.

Freddie looked at you with puppy eyes as to ask if you wanted a kiss too, to what you nodded, so he broke the distance between you two and kissed you deeply. After that, you left the bar and walked home with him.

The next day:

Brian and Roger were inseparable now. They often invited Freddie and you to double dates, which you really enjoyed, and let you come to the studio whenever you wanted to thank you for your help.

Turns out being with the band wasn’t too bad at all.

[foxwatchesanime]

How I stopped caring about comments: A rambly post by me

This is rambly so hold onto your seats, I apologies. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about comment/review culture in the last few months, particularly after returning to a brand new fandom as a writer and regular content creator. Maybe this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while, maybe not, but I wanted to share my thoughts on the way I perceive comments, how it’s changed for me since I’ve been in fandom and I’d love to hear from other people what their opinion is and how they relate to comments on their work.

I’ve been creating content in fandom spaces for about eleven years now. I started out on YouTube when I joined my first fandom, Merlin, and I made my first fanvideos in 2009. In December of 2009, I published my first fanfiction, plus one sequel which remains unfinished as well as a few other smaller projects. In October of 2010, I published my first podfic and would go on to publish two more. My focus in fandom had always been YouTube, where I regularly created fanvideos. My schedule was never consistent, as with most vidders back in the day, but I’d be comfortable in saying I posted regularly discounting three unintentional hiatuses, one in 2013 following the Merlin finale, one in 2015 probably due to a lack of inspiration and one in 2017 after what I was sure was going to be my permanent comeback to YouTube, only for my hard drive to break and delete all my footage yeeeeeey. 

I’ve now made an actual, official return to my original platform, this time creating videos for my new passion and fandom: anime. Since February of 2020 I’ve also been regularly publishing fic and have no desire to stop doing so. I’m thoroughly invested in new fandom spaces again and am engaging with its fans and the content. 

But the one thing I have seen change drastically in my approach to things is commenting, following and general engagement. 

Let’s take a step back. 

When I first started posting content, comments were not something I even had in my consciousness. I think I knew YouTube comments existed, but I didn’t really pay attention to it. I didn’t even know what subscribers were until I started hearing other people talk about them and then I suddenly felt like it’s something I should be keeping an eye on myself. 

In a centuries old vlog of mine that is now private on my channel, I noticed that when I hit 100 subscribers, I made a video thanking everyone because I was so excited that with more subscribers, I was going to “make more friends.” Oh dear xD 

But the truth is, I have been consistently and chronically bad at keeping up with or caring about the analytics of my various platforms. It wasn’t till writing this post today that I went to check my FF.net account to see how many comments my first two Merlin fics ever got. I still couldn’t tell you my exact number of YouTube or Ao3 subscribers, how many hits or kudos my fic have and I don’t think I’ve ever checked my bookmarks for notes, or whatever you’re able to leave on there. 

Commenting culture on YouTube, for all my joking earlier, was primarily about connection, at least back then. Most of the old guard have moved on and those who have remained are now vidding in other fandoms. The social aspect of YouTube in my opinion has changed dramatically since I was at my peak output on there, but I remember how interactive the comments sections used to be. They literally were, where you made friends.  

A couple of years ago, me and a friend of mine started a Merlin podcast called Merlisten. We created it for fun and without many expectations of what might come out of it. And it was this that changed my relationship with commenting for good. 

Doing Merlisten felt, for the first time in a long time, like pure creativity and passion without anyone’s permission. We always encouraged people to leave feedback as one does, but I don’t think either of us expected to get much, if any. Even considering the incredible support we’ve received with feedback coming in almost every single episode now, there is still a clear and overwhelming gap between the amount of comments given to an episode of Merlisten, to one of my old fanvids or fics. It’s even more interesting when one considers how much more effort and time went into creating Merlisten compared to say, editing or writing, at least for me personally. The amount of man hours spent on creating one 2.5 hour episode from pre-production to final posting often outweighs any other video or chapter I’ve created. Not always, but often. 

What struck me as interesting, however, was that even though comments weren’t always consistent and I always love and continue to love reading them, it’s not what was fuelling me to work hard on this project. I was doing it because I adored it and I knew it was something I was proud to put into the world. 

And that literally changed everything.

I think for a long time, I was always trying to cater my art to what might get the most attention or please the widest demographic of people. It’s how you think when you’re young and you don’t know any better. But for the first time, I was creating something on my own terms that I had no idea if anyone would even listen to and the actual creative process of making said art was ten times more rewarding than any single comment I could ever read. Which really, what I realised, is what art is supposed to be. I can safely say that if Merlisten didn’t get a single comment from here on in, I would still want to see it to its conclusion for one very simple reason: Because I had something to share. 

This brings me to my recent return to writing fic in fandom and it’s not a decision I’ve regretted for a second. More than anything, I’ve realised how personal art can really be, especially when it’s in writing. I’ve found it revealing and cathartic and fascinating in a way that I didn’t ever imagine.

But more importantly, I’ve realised that the real beauty for me in engaging in art is the ability to get an emotional response from it or to relate to it. And that goes for both other people’s work and my own. I can feel just as invested in my own work as someone else’s and that’s not because I think my work is amazing, it’s because I know it’s come from something that was living in me. When I put something out there that I made with my own two hands, that feeling now trumps any sort of feedback I could possibly get and that’s the endorphin I live off. 

Don’t mistake this for me not liking comments, that’s obviously not true. My brain gets the same dopamine hit as anyone’s when I get a notification for something or other, but I’ve realised that I have a very specific relationship with comments that I definitely didn’t have before, if my requests for review on FF.net is anything to go by.

Now, what I find exciting and thrilling is the thought that, if writing this fic got this sort of emotional response out of me, the writer, I wonder if there are other people out there who think the same way I do? Who have a similar way of experiencing joy or suffering or humour or who like the same things as me? That, is an insanely invigorating feeling. And then when someone chooses to take time out of their day to tell you that what came from your head is the same sort of way they feel about life? That’s not a comment, that’s not feedback, that’s a connection you have with another person. And that’s where I start to get excited. And it’s taken me this fucking long to realise it. 

Honestly, I was really worried upon returning to writing and vidding this year that my experience working in digital marketing, where everything is about numbers and social media is all about engagement and nothing else, that I would be overwhelmed and not be able to switch off the part of my brain that’s been trained to think like that. I’m so relieved that that’s not the case. 

As previously mentioned, I suck at giving a shit about analytics and looking at my own stats. I couldn’t give a flying fuck. But I did just go and check my YouTube videos since returning back to vidding. Not a single one of them has views over 200 at this point. Most have less than 100. My most viewed video on YouTube has 57,000 views. And the thing is, there might have been a time when I looked at that and thought, well, this means I suck. This means I can’t make art. This means there’s no point to it.

But no, that's not true.

The point is not how many people see it, how many people like it, how many people comment on it. The point is that I made it. I’m going to continue making YouTube videos despite the fact that the algorithm will destroy any chances they have at getting engagement or views. Even if not one single person comments on them. Because when I’ve finally rendered a new video, or finished proof reading a new chapter, I feel so fucking happy that everything else is just window dressing to me now. 

Because not only is online engagement and following such a stab in the dark these days anyway with algorithms changing and trends moving constantly, but this is the real truth about comments, following and feedback:

The truth is, I don’t need a stranger on the internet to praise me so that I can feel good about my art. The day that I start doing that, I’ve already lost. I used to think that way on a regular basis. Guess what, it didn’t make me produce better art. It didn’t make my life better. Because being validated by others never does. It doesn’t matter how many keysmashes I might get or how many sonnets or kind words, because If I don’t like what I create, there isn’t a single human being on the planet who will make me like it, no matter what they say or how they say it. For others, this might not be the case. But this is my reality. 

I know this, because I recently speed-wrote and published a fic for a fanweek. I wrote 13k in about 8hrs. So far, it’s received nothing but positive words. But it doesn’t matter. After I published it, I had a crisis about how it wasn’t good enough, that there should have been an extra arc, that it ended too quickly, that there wasn’t a climax. Even as the comments came in, it didn’t change my mind. Because other people’s comments will never really lead to fulfilment. 

I want you all to know that I get emotional over every single comment that is sent to me. Every personal story, ever keysmash and heartfelt thoughtful message that took the time to analyse my work. Connecting with you guys has been one of the biggest joys of entering this fandom. But it’s not going to be what fuels me to create and to carry on doing the best work I can. All I can do is treat it as the wonderful privilege that it is, and not any part of the reason I do it.  

In conclusion:

Finally, at age 27 and in the midst of enjoying fandom after a very long period of being either meh about it or lurking, I finally feel content with the fact that I want to create in order to put things out into the world that I worked hard on, that I’m passionate about and that hopefully, in whatever way it might be, it might have touched someone who feels the same things too. It makes me feel accomplished, it makes me feel like I might be contributing something small to the world and it makes me feel like maybe one other person was made happy by it. And even if they never tell me that and if no one else ever comments on what I create, or even if they comment on it in spaces that I never see; private servers, chats between friends or blogs that I don’t follow, that’s also fine. Because there’s always at least one person who is going to feel happy that she made something. And that’s me. 

The short version: I never used to care about comments, then I did, and now I no longer do. 

Sorry for the ramble, but I wanted this here for myself to look back upon in case my opinion ever changes on this or I ever start to lose my way again and feel overwhelmed. I’d love to hear your guys’ experiences with this sort of thing and whether you’ve ever felt bogged down by the need for feedback.

[derevosky]

Blue Little Soul: Chapter 1/5

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Categories: M/M

Fandom: Hetalia: Axis Powers

Relationships: America/Russia. Minor: England/France and Germany/Nyo!North Italy

Characters: Russia, Belarus, Prussia, Ukraine, Poland, China, England, Ancient Rome, America, Canada

AU: Human

Language: English

Word Count: 9,247

Summary: Ivan was back in Oregon, or as he would claim, his hometown after five years in St. Petersburg. He had a premonition, and eventually he discovered he had a power to manipulate something he didn’t even imagine that he can.

Chapter 1: Chrysalis

Was it night time? But there was a faint light. Maybe the sun was covered by thick dark clouds. It was raining heavy enough to be a storm, accompanied by thunders that seemed to be near. By a high cliff, there was a lighthouse, fortunately for now, not being approached by the tornado, but still affected the pine trees along the path to it; some were falling down. Ivan was there, for some reason unknown.

‘Where exactly am I? Why am I trapped in a storm? How did I get here… and where is ‘here’?’ He contemplated.

Without knowing what to do, unaware where the strong wind came from. Noticing the lighthouse, he attempted to go there.

‘A lighthouse… maybe I’ll be safe there.’ Ivan thought.

He walked slowly, carefully as his vision was blurry because of the rain and its darkness it casted, distracted by the electrifying feeling creeping in his body. He raised his arms to guard his eyes from the strong gust. A tree fall almost near him, surprising the ashen blond teen. He kept track on the steep trail, trying not to trip on some branches, and broken barks. As he got closer by the lighthouse, there was an abnormally large tornado by the sea, slowly approaching the town. Flabbergasted by the view, he didn’t notice ahead the thrown boat to the lighthouse effectively broken, and its debris was about to crush him. As it was going to fall unto him, he was too shocked to run, instinctively holding out his hand to protect himself.

 He jumped out of his seat, almost fell out of it. His muffled hearing slowly cleared. He examined his surrounding as if he just got here; he was in a classroom. He swore he wasn’t sleeping. Why would he?

“Alfred Hitchcock famously called film ‘little pieces of time’ but he could be talking about photography, as he likely was.” Ms. Arlovskaya discussed.

‘Okay, I’m in class.’ Ivan clarified to himself.

(Feliciano’s pen fell to the floor. He picked it up.)

‘Everything is fine. I’m okay.’ Ivan comforted himself.

He was in Ms. Arlovskaya’s class, his favorite photographer that somehow got here in a dead end of a town to teach photography.

(Liz threw a paper ball at Kat.)

“Now can you give me an example of a photographer who perfectly captured the human condition in black and white?” Ms. Arlovskaya inquired the class.

(Gilbert's phone vibrated.)

‘That wasn’t a dream. It felt too real. Was that supposed to be a nightmare?’ Ivan still felt perplexed.

“Diane Arbus.” Gilbert answered with a grin.

“Very well, Gilbert. Why Arbus?” Ms. Arlovskaya was pleased.

“Because of her images of hopeless faces. You feel like, totally haunted by the eyes of those sad mothers and children.” Gilbert explained.

“She saw humanity as tortured, right? And frankly, it's bullshit. Seriously though, I could frame any one of you in a dark corner, and capture you in a moment of desperation. And any one of you could do that to me. Isn't that too easy? Too obvious? What if Arbus chose to capture people at the height of their beauty or innocence? She had a brilliant eye, so she could have taken another approach.” Ms. Arlovskaya deliberated.

“I have to admit, I'm not a big fan of her work. I prefer... Robert Frank.” Gilbert answered as if they were conversing.

“Me too, Gilbert. He captured the essence of post-war America. Then, there was honesty about the economic conditions of the era, but a beauty in the struggle. You don't have beauty without a beat. Which explains why Frank was Kerouac's photographic muse and both were great chroniclers of the 1950s. We've all seen that iconic shot of Kerouac on the balcony - and if you haven't, shame, shame - capturing the romantic urban solitude of the 20th century poet. You understand? Now, contrast Frank's stark Americana with Salvador Dali's surrealist photographs. Like Cocteau, he was a true renaissance man, and his famous self-portraits are famous early examples of that truly awful word you pesky kids love so much, the ‘selfie’. And it's a great tradition, and I wholeheartedly fight for your right to self-expression. So if anybody wants to question the portrait as modern narcissism, they could go back hundreds of years to blame society.” She rambled and noticed this as most of the class didn’t pay attention.

“Speaking of questions, I bet you thought I'd talk all the way until the bell rang. It's your turn to lecture us. Now, based on the chapters I have no doubt you all memorized, who can tell me the name of the actual process that led to the birth of the self-portrait? Anybody?” She tried to peak up the class which just made most of the people quiet.

“This does not bode well. Just jump right in with an answer. This was in the chapters you read. You did read the chapters, right? Your silence is deafening. If this were a photo, I'd call it a still life.” She sighed, waiting for an answer.

(Ivan took a picture of himself using his polaroid.)

“Shh, I believe Ivan has taken what you kids call a ‘selfie’. A dumb word for a wonderful photographic tradition. And Ivan” she said, like a proud teacher.

“…has a gift. Of course, as you all know, the photo portrait has been popular since the early 1800's. Your generation was not the first to use images for selfie-expression.” Now, she was feeling proud for the pun.

“Sorry. I couldn't resist. The point remains that the portraiture has always been a vital aspect of art, and photography, for as long as it's been around. Now Ivan, since you've captured our interest and clearly want to join the conversation, can you please tell us the name of the process that gave birth to the first self-portraits?” she returned to her question.

“You’re asking me? Uhm, let me think…” Ivan, answered profoundly.

“Either you know this, or not, Ivan. Is there anybody knows how to answer?” She said in frustration.

“Louis Daguerre was a French painter who created "daguerreotypes", a process that gave portraits a sharp reflective style, like a mirror.” Gilbert answered then looked at Ivan.

“Now you're totally stuck in the Retro Zone. Too bad, it’s not that awesome. Suck your scarf while you’re at it.” Gilbert added, and Liz laughed.

“Very good, Gilber. The Daguerreian Process brought out fine detail in people's faces, making them extremely popular from the 1800's onward. The first American daguerreotype self-portrait was done by Robert Cornelius. You can find out all about him... In your textbook. Or even... online.” The teacher was relieved until the school bell rang.

“And guys, don't forget the deadline to submit a photo in the ‘Everyday Heroes’ contest. I'll be with the winner to San Francisco where you'll be guaranteed influential by the art world. It's great exposure, and it can blossom your career in photography. So Feliciano and Ludwig, get it together. Liz, don't hide, I'm still waiting for your entry too. And yes Ivan, I see you pretending not to see me.”

‘Gilbert didn’t waste any second on kissing ass, no?’ Ivan mused.

He noticed Yekaterina wasn’t as cheerful as today. He approached his classmate and tried to engage her in a conversation.

“You seemed quiet today, Kat.” Ivan started.

“Just thinking too much, I guess.” She smiled weakly.

“I hear that. Want to have tea with me and complain about life?” He offered.

“Thanks, but not today. I have homework to do.” She said, still smiling that friendly and mother-like smile, although not as bright.

“No worries. Let’s hang out later then.”

“Sure.”

 By the teacher’s table, Gilbert and Ms. Arlovskaya were talking about the contest.

“Yes Gilbert, you still have to do your homework this week, even if you're submitting your photo for the competition. Everybody in class is turning a photo, so you see the dilemma.” She deadpanned.

“I know, Ms. Arlovskaya. I just worked so hard on this shot, and I'm sure you know what it's like to be consumed by your work. I just really think ‘Everyday Heroes’ is an important cultural event, and I want to represent Blackwell Academy.” Gilbert raised his concern rather obnoxiously.

“You have just by participating, by putting yourself out there in the world. Well, no matter who wins, this is just a bump on a bigger road. I don't want anybody to feel excluded from this process. But I also want everybody to know that this photographic world is not for everybody. I had my moment in the camera eye and everybody should have that chance, right?” She answered objectively.

“Oh totally. I only want to share whatever gifts I have with the world...” He said.

Ivan approached the two.

“Excuse me, Ms. Arlovskaya, can I talk to you for moment?”

“Yes, excuse you.” Gilbert demanded.

“No, Gilbert, excuse us. I'd never let one of photography's future stars avoid handing in his picture.” The teacher dismissed Gilbert earning a pout from him.

“Do I have to? I don’t really think I have what it takes.” Ivan reacted.

“Ivan, you're a better photographer than a liar. Now I know it's a drag to hear some old woman lecture you... but life won't wait for you to play catch-up. You're young, the world is yours, blah blah blah, right? But you do have a gift, you have the fever to take images, to frame the world only the way you envision it. Now, all you need is the courage to share your gift with others. That's what separates the artist, from the amateur.” She encouraged.

“Okay, Ma’am. I will try. Thank you.” Ivan shyly bowed his head and headed towards outside the class.

The corridor, as usual, was filled with students. Some were walking, laughing at something; some were talking, standing by the lockers. The janitor was mopping the floor, muttering something. Ivan noticed, every now and then, the recurring posters of a missing person at almost every corner of his sight as he was looking for the restroom. ‘Matthew Williams’, he recalled. When he got inside his destination, it was empty. ‘Good.’

Ivan turned on the faucet then washed his face; he looked at the mirror, and remembered to turn off the faucet. He wiped his wet hands on the side of his pants, and took out his polaroid photo.

‘Relax, Ivan. Stop torturing yourself. You have… a gift.’ Ivan doubted. He sighed heavily.

‘Fuck it.’ He tore the photo while a bright blue butterfly flew into the restroom. It landed on a bucket beside the stall. Ivan followed it with careful footsteps. He approached the butterfly with his camera on his hands. He took a photo, and the butterfly flew away; it landed on the sink. Almost getting out of the corner, Feliks entered the room, closing the door. Ivan remained in his spot, hiding.

“It’s okay, Feliks. You're okay. Just count to three... Don't be scared... You, like, own this school... If I wanted, I could blow it up... You're the boss...” Feliks was breathing heavily.

A bespectacled blond entered the room as well.

“So, what do you want?” Feliks asked without looking at who is he’s asking.

“I hope you checked the perimeter, as my step-ass would say. Now, let's talk bidness.” The blond said rather without any sign of closeness.

“I got nothing for you.” Felix deadpanned.

“Wrong, you got hella cash.”

“That’s my family, not me.”

“Oh boo hoo, poor little rich kid. I know you been pumpin' drugs n' shit to kids around here. I bet your respectable family would help me out if I went to them. Man, I can see the headlines now.”

“Leave them out, you bastard.”

“I can tell everybody Feliks Łukasiewicz is a punk ass who begs like a little girl and talks to himself!”

Feliks took out a gun and pointed it at the blond.

“You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!” Feliks shouted.

“Where'd you get that? What are you doing? Come on, put that thing down!” the blond panicked.

“Don't EVER tell me what to do. I'm so SICK of people trying to control me!”

“You are going to get in hella more problems for this than drugs.”

“Nobody would, like, ever miss your ‘punk ass’, would they?”

“Get that gun away from me, psycho!”

Feliks pulled the trigger, and shot the blond in the stomach. Without thinking straight, Ivan reached out by stretching his right hand.

“NO!” Ivan shouted, and his world began to slow down. The gun was falling slowly, and floating upwards to the owner’s hands. The world began to move reversely, and suddenly swirled. Everything was too fast to comprehend.

Ivan found himself in a classroom, again, almost falling out in his chair. He was in class. The class with Ms. Arlovskaya.

“Alfred Hitchcock famously called film ‘little pieces of time’ but he could be talking about photography, as he likely was.” Ms. Arlovskaya discussed.

Feliciano dropped his pen, and picked it up. Again.

‘I already heard this before.’ Ivan pondered.

Liz threw a paper ball at Kat.

‘Kat is being bullied again. And if Gilbert’s phone vibrates…’

Gilbert’s phone vibrated. Again.

Surprised, he knocked his camera off the desk, causing it to break.

‘So… I can actually reverse time?’ Ivan gaped at his thought. He noticed his broken camera, and with enough time manipulation, it was fixed.

‘I did it! Wow. I’m, I’m a time-traveller! Okay, so, what happened before? Ah, yes. I took a picture of myself, then Ms. Arlovskaya asked a question.’

“Shh, I believe Ivan has taken what you kids call a ‘selfie’. A dumb word for a wonderful photographic tradition. And Ivan” she said, yet again, like a proud teacher.

“…has a gift. Of course, as you all know, the photo portrait has been popular since the early 1800's. Your generation was not the first to use images for selfie-expression.” Now, she was feeling proud for the pun, again.

‘I’m not dreaming. This is real. What if, I could save that boy?’

“The point remains that the portraiture has always been a vital aspect of art, and photography, for as long as it's been around.” The teacher was still discussing.

‘I need to go to the bathroom!’

“Now Ivan, since you've captured our interest and clearly want to join the conversation, can you please tell us the name of the process that gave birth to the first self-portraits?” She looked at Ivan, waiting for an answer.

“I need to go the bathroom.”

“Nice try, Ivan. But you're not going to get away that easy. We can talk more after class.” She was not amused.

‘Oh shit, Ms. Arlovskaya wants to keep me after class. And I need time to save that boy.’

“Is there anybody here who knows their stuff?”

“Louis Daguerre was a French painter who created "daguerreotypes", a process that gave portraits a sharp reflective style, like a mirror.” Gilbert answered then looked at Ivan, as he was supposed to be.

“Now you're totally stuck in the Retro Zone. Too bad, it’s not that awesome. Suck your scarf while you’re at it.” Gilbert added, and Liz laughed.

An idea formed in Ivan’s head. He decided to rewind time. The world began to swirl again for a few seconds then...

“Now Ivan, since you've captured our interest and clearly want to join the conversation, can you please tell us the name of the process that gave birth to the first self-portraits?” Ms. Arlovskaya asked.

“The Daguerreian Process. Invented by French painter named. Louis Daguerre. Around 1830.” Ivan answered hesitantly.

“Somebody has been reading. Nice work, Ivan.” She beamed, proud of her student.

“The Daguerreian Process made portraiture hugely popular, mainly because it gave the subjects clear defined features. You can learn more when you actually finish reading the assigned chapters. Ivan is so far, way ahead of everybody.”

With a queue in his head, the bell rang.

“And guys, don't forget the deadline to submit a photo in the ‘Everyday Heroes’ contest. I'll be with the winner to San Francisco where you'll be guaranteed influential by the art world. It's great exposure, and it can blossom your career in photography. So Feliciano and Ludwig, get it together. Liz, don't hide, I'm still waiting for your entry too. And yes Ivan, I see you pretending not to see me.”

‘Ivan, you are not crazy. You are not dreaming. It's time to be ‘Everyday Hero’.’

He was about to exit the classroom until Ms. Arlovskaya stopped him.

“I see you, Ivan Braginsky. Don't even think about leaving here until we talk about your entry.”

Ivan winced, then turn around to see his teacher. He walked towards her.

“I'd never let one of photography's future stars avoid handing in his picture.” She noted.

“I'm not avoiding, just...”

“Biding time, waiting for the elusive ‘right moment’?”

“Da. Exactly.”

“Ivan, don't wait too long.”

“…da. I will do my best, Ms. Arlovskaya.”

She nodded. Ivan took this time to leave, and hurried to the restroom. He retraced what happened by doing what he did. He washed his face, ripped his photo, and took a photo of a butterfly. He remained in his hiding spot. He noticed the fire alarm, readied himself with a hammer he picked on the floor, and waited for the moment to come.

“…leave them out, you bastard.”

“I can tell everybody Feliks Łukasiewicz is a punk ass who begs like a little girl and talks to himself!”

Feliks took out a gun and pointed it at the blond.

“You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!” Feliks shouted.

“Where'd you get that? What are you doing? Come on, put that thing down!” the blond panicked.

“Don't EVER tell me what to do. I'm so SICK of people trying to control me!”

“You are going to get in hella more problems for this than drugs.”

“Nobody would, like, ever miss your ‘punk ass’, would they?”

Ivan braced himself, exhaled, and started the fire alarm.

“No way…” Felix muttered.

“Don’t EVER come near me, you fucker!” the blond then punched Felix causing him to fall.

The blond rushed out of the restroom while Felix picked up his gun, noticed the stripped photo on the floor.

“Another shitty day…” Felix muttered while exited the room.

‘Did. I… just save… that boy?’ Ivan felt excited while his body was still in shock. His adrenaline slowly draining, reminding him that he violated a school rule, and decided to head outside. When he did, he was greeted by a security guard.

“Didn’t you hear the bloody alarm? That means you should be outside.” Arthur scolded.

“I had to use the bathroom.” Ivan answered quickly.

“Yeah, sure. I can see your face covered with guilt.”

“The alarm tripped me out.”

“Then trip on out here, lad. Or are you hiding something?”

“Thank you Mr. Kirkland, the situation is under control. There's no emergency here. Leave Mr. Braginsky alone and please turn off that alarm, since that's your job.” Principal Vargas joined their conversation.

Arthur decided to walk away, irritated. As Ivan was to walk away as well, the principal stopped him.

“Hold on, Ivan. Come back here” he commanded. Ivan complied.

“You look a little stressed out. Are you okay?” he inquired.

“I'm... I'm just a little worried about my... future.”

“You are sweating pinballs. Is that all you're thinking about? You can always be upfront with me, Ivan. Or have you done something wrong... Is that it? Well, Ivan? Talk to me.”

Ivan was cautious to give an answer. He can either tell the truth or hide it.

 He decided to tell the truth.

“I just saw Feliks Łukasiewicz waving a gun around... in the restroom.”

“Feliks Łukasiewicz. You sure?”

“Yes. He was in the bathroom talking to himself with a gun. I saw everything. He was babbling like crazy.” Ivan said as his accent slipping.

“Okay, slow down, slow down. So now you saw this... without him seeing you?”

“I was hiding. Behind stall.”

“I know, I know. I just wanted to be completely clear what happened. Mr. Łukasiewicz happens to be from the town's most distinguished family. And one of Blackwell's most honored students. So it's hard for me to see him brandishing a weapon in the school’s restroom. So what happened next?”

“Then he left. I ran out here wondering what to do. Are you going to bust him?”

“We'll continue this discussion, later, in my office. Please go outside with the rest of your class now, Mr. Braginsky.”

‘Of course this academic drone won't do anything since the Łukasiewicz family owns Blackwell now. Should I rewind and change my story?’

He dropped his thought, and exited the building.

“Attention. Feliks Łukasiewicz, please go to the principal’s office at once.” The school speakers echoed throughout the open field.

Ivan noticed his Spanish history teacher by the door.

“Excuse me, Ivan? I know everybody loves being asked to sign a petition, but would you do Mr. Carriedo a favor and hear me out?” Mr. Carriedo inquired.

“Sure, I always have time for you. What's the petition?

“Arthur Kirkland, our chief of security, wants to put surveillance cameras all around the campus. Halls, classrooms, gym, dorm rooms etc. Blackwell Academy should be a high school, not a high security penitentiary.”

“I guess cameras could have helped Matthew Williams. I can see both sides.”

“You're fair minded, Ivan. And we all pray Matthew is found safe and sound, bless his soul. But this petition isn't about him. Blackwell Academy has a noble heritage, from the Native Americans who founded this land, to the pioneers who shared it in peace, not fear and violence.”

“The Native Americans?” Ivan curiously asked.

“The tribes who were here first, who welcomed the settlers. Both cultures found a mutual symbiosis and thrived. Now before I assign you homework with this lecture, will you please sign the petition to keep our campus from going back to 1984?”

“Absolutely. I don't mind security, but not... pure surveillance.” he signed the paper his teacher hold out.

“I knew you were my favorite new student at Blackwell for a good reason.” he smiled at his student and dismissed him.

He began exploring the campus. It was quite an open field with pine trees scattered along with lightposts and stoned paths; a fountain was at the center with the campus’ historical figure’s bust on top. There were students who were sitting nearby; some tossed coins. Among the grassy field were occupied tables, minding their own clique.

“Hey, you’re that new quiet kid, right? In Ms. Arlovskaya’s class?” Toris suddenly greeted him.

“Ah, hello Toris.” He greeted him back.

“Isn’t she incredible? You know, Ms. Arlovskaya?” Toris gleamed.

“I think so, too. We're lucky to have such famous teacher. And I actually love her works.”

“Me too. Her New York urban stuff is great, but I'm glad he came back to her Belarusian roots. Screw the East Coast elite. It must piss off those pretentious galleries that Natalya Arlovskaya is teaching photography to us Blackwell hicks... plus she is really hot.” He noted as matter-of-factly. “If Gilbert wasn't all over her, I would definitely make a move.” He added.

“No way. You can get her busted. And she's not going to mess around with a student.” Ivan retorted.

“That's what you think.”

“Now how do you know this?”

“You have a lot to learn here at Blackwell. Matthew Williams absolutely had sex with her. Well... I heard that from a good source.”

“So you knew Matthew?”

“Not really. I saw him hanging with the other cool kids like Gilbert. Not my kind of clique. But I heard insane stories about Matthew...”

“Well, you shouldn’t assume, I guess.”

“Beats me, anyway, nice talking to you.”

Ivan nodded then dismissed himself. As he walked around aimlessly, he spotted Wang Yao sketching on his pad.

“Privet Yao!” he waved his hand, approaching the Chinese student.

“Nihao, Ivan. You don’t mind sketching you, do you?” Yao asked his permission.

“I’d be honored, Yao. Makes me feel like a muse.” He giggled.

“Funny you should say that. I was just thinking about my real muse in class, Matthew Williams.” He started sketching quickly some guidelines.

“Hard to avoid his posters all over campus.” His body stilled while Yao added thicker lines to his sketch.

“Kills me to see his sweet face used as a crime photo. He had a good heart.” He shaded some parts smoothly.

Ivan nodded a little so he wouldn’t ruin Yao’s work. As Yao began finishing the details, he squinted, stretched his arm to see the whole work in a different angle. He sketch a little more, and decided that his work was complete.

“Ja-jan! It’s done.”

“Wow! I like how you drew my nose. It’s smaller, da?” he joked.

“Believe it or not, your nose is your asset.” Yao noted.

“Thanks, little one. Anyway, I should get going. Talk to you later.” He giggled, and waved goodbye.

“Bye bye!”

 He glanced at his footsteps and he noticed the sidewalk was plagued by a patch of ants, circling like a spiral. A bizzare sight, he noted. He felt his phone vibrated. He read the text he just received.

From: Alice Vargas

Hey, meet me at the parking lot. But, don’t forget my flash drive!

He kept his phone in his pocket, and walked to the dormitories. As he was about to enter his building, unfortunately, Gilbert was there by the stairs blocking the doorway.

“Oh look, it's Ivan Braginsky, the selfie ho of Blackwell. What a lame gimmick. Even Nat —Ms. Arlovskaya— falls for your waif hipster bullshit.” he greeted while Elizabeth and Roderich was there.

“‘The Daguerreian Process, ma’am!’” he mocked his Russian accent. Ivan rolled his eyes.

“You could barely even say that. I guess you got your meds filled. Since you know all the answers, I guess you have to find another way into the dorm. We ain't moving. Oh wait, hold that pose!” Gilbert held out his phone and a shutter sound rang.

“So original. Don't worry, Ivan, I'll put a vintage filter on it right before I post it all over social medias. Now, why don't you go fuck your selfie?” Gilbert insulted him as Ivan walked out away, glaring and grumbling.

‘Oh yes, Gilbert. I will definitely get you albino ass out of the way.’ He smiled in quite a creepy way. He would smack him with a water pipe if he had to, but he had enough trip to the principal’s office. As he looked up, he witness the janitor was painting the walls, and knocked out the paint bucket, unfortunately, far enough from Gilbert. Forming an idea, he saw that the sprinklers by the side of the doorway were turned off. He went to the janitor’s shed which was also the control room, and turned on the sprinklers.

As the sprinklers were on, Gilbert and his friend abruptly stood up from the stairs they were sitting on.

“What the hell? Are you kidding? Look at this...” Gilbert ranted.

“It’s just water, Gil.” Rod remarked.

“Water on my awesome cashmere! Do you know how much this fucking outfit cost?” Gilbert added.

The paint bucket dropped, causing it to splash some of its content to Gilbert.

“No fucking way!” Gilbert whined.

“Oh my god, I’m really sorry.” The janitor apologized frantically.

“Don’t even talk to me or I’ll have you fired!”

“Shit, let me get some towels.” Liz said.

“Hello, Gilbert.” Ivan said with a smile.

“Don’t even say a word, Ivan.”

“Oh wait, hold that pose! And no filter needed before I post this. Now please move. I've had messed up day and I'm going to my room. Poka!” Ivan mocked, earning a glare from Gilbert.

“You do that... I know where you live... So does Felix...” Gilbert warned.

‘Maybe I shouldn't have done that... Now I have to get to my room, then see Alice.’

He walked through the halls, then entered his room. He looked for Alice’s flash drive but instead found a note from Ludwig. “I borrowed Alice’s flash drive. You could get it from me. –Ludwig B.”

‘Great. Now I have to talk to his brother.’ Ivan complained. He went to Ludwig’s room and saw him there typing something on his computer. He looked focused at what he was doing.

“Ludwig, may I know where is the flash drive?”

“Oh, Ivan. You’re here. Uh…” Ludwig was surprised but didn’t show it as much. He looked for something, and found the flash drive near him. “Here it is.”

“Ah, spasiba, Ludwig.” He headed out of his room and then the building.

He witnessed Raivis got hit by a football. He rewinded the time, and warned Raivis.

“Raivis, look out!”

“Huh?” Raivis moved his head, and blinked in shock when he felt the football almost touching his face.

“Wow, thank you, Ivan!” the boy said earning him a smile from Ivan.

‘Yay! I helped someone!’ he chirped. He walked along the path, and saw small dead birds along the way. ‘That’s quite ominous.’ When he was heading outside the dormitory premises, he heard a familiar British voice scolding someone.

“...so don't think I'm blind! I see everything here at Blackwell! Do you understand what I'm saying?” Arthur alleged.

“No! And leave me alone.” Kat answered back.

“Hey, why don't you leave her alone?” Ivan stepped in.

“Excuse us, this is official campus business—“ Arthur snapped.

“Excuse me, you shouldn't be yelling at students. Or bullying them.”

“Hey, hey, nobody is bullying anybody. I'm doing my job.”

“No, you're not.”

“You're part of the problem, lad. I will remember this conversation.” Arthur left them.

“Oh Ivan, that was great. I think you scared him for once... I have to go, but thank you. It means a lot.” Kat said with an appreciative tone while smiling still weakly.

“Anytime, Kat.” He smiled back but wider.

Going through the school campus again, he walked briskly. He spotted the parking lot, and then Alice by her car. Alice saw him approaching, smiled as she usually do while waving her hand energetically like the cheerful girl she was.

“Ciao, Ivan! How are you?” She greeted and hugged him. He hugged back.

“Here's your flash. Spasiba, as usual.”

“No problem. Check out my new wheels.”

“Cool. Very old-school.”

“1978, to be exact. Now we can go to the drive-in. There's one in Newberg, just sixty miles away.”

“You're in wrong time, Alice. But then, so am I.”

“You okay?”

“It's been one strange fucking day.” He sighed.

“Man, I saw that Gilbert didn't take down that pic of you on Facebook. Major dick move.”

“No worries, Alice. I took sweet shot of Gilbert I can't wait to share.”

“Oh, score one for Team Ivan! It will be so karmic to see his ass-clown face all over the nets.”

“I guess he does deserve it for all shitty things he's done to people here.”

“By the way, I saw Yao’s sketch of you online? Not bad, but I could do a much a better job.”

“Yao posted it online already? That was nice.”

“Congrats! You're part of his online portrait posse.”

“Don't be jealous. I'm sure he'll ask you soon.”

“Oh you're a wit, Ivan.”

“It's the company I keep, Alice.”

“So, did you get a chance to check out the movie booty on my flash drive?”

“Da. You had taste, from ‘Akira’ to ‘Twilight Zone’ which seems appropriate today.”

“I consider myself a pop...cultural pirate connoisseur.”

“That does sound better than ‘thief.’”

“Ha-ha. Make sure you watch ‘Cannibal Holocaust’.”

“Seen it. I was more disturbed by all those emo vampire movies in there.”

“Can't a sensitive high school girl love sensitive vampires too?”

“So you're sensitive...”

“Ouch, that sounds awful the way you say it.”

“Not at all. Sensitive is good, unless you're a pushover. You have hip taste and quick mind.”

“Thanks for noticing, Ivan.”

“The right boy will, too...”

 “If I was lucky. Speaking of hip and fast, we should cruise out in my car to an actual movie this week. But you seem distracted.”

“I need to talk to somebody ...just to get it out of my system.”

“Dr. Alice Vargas is in the house. I won't even prescribe you any meds. Tell me everything.”

“For reals, Alice, this is between you and me, not social media.”

“Don't insult me, Ivan, go on.”

“I had this incredibly bizarre experience in Ms. Arlovskaya’s class today. I mean, life-changing. Have you ever had dream so real it was like movie?”

Alice was about to say something, but Feliks was approaching them while glaring.

“Ivan Braginsky, right? In Arlovskaya’s class?”

“Da. I’m one of her students.”

“What-the-fuck-ever. I know you like to take pictures, especially when you're hiding out in the bathrooms.” He said as he shoved Alice when she tried to stop him from bringing his face closer on Ivan’s.

“You best tell me what you told the Principal. Now!” Feliks demanded.

“I told him truth: student had gun.” Ivan deadpanned.

“No, you told him I had a gun! That's why he dragged me into his office.”

“And did what, give you stern lecture?”

“Nobody ...nobody lectures me! Everyone tries though ...they try...” Feliks almost broke down.

“You should talk to somebody, Feliks...” Ivan said out of concern.

“Do not analyze me! I pay people for that. Worry about yourself, Ivan Braginsky.” Feliks back at his previous trance.

“Take a step back, Feliks.”

“Oh, man, you're, like, telling me what to do?”

“Hey! You should stop shouting at him!” Alice confronted but was given a head-butt by Feliks.

“You shouldn’t have done that!” Ivan growled, tried to grab Feliks, but was grabbed in the neck by Feliks instead.

“Nobody tells me what to do! Not my parents, not the Principal, or like, that whore in the bathroom!” Feliks dictated.

Ivan scrapes Feliks's cheek with his attempted punch, and Feliks pushed him to the ground. An old pick-up truck drove up to the scene. Ivan got up, panting for air, and looked in the windshield, where the bespectacled blond from the restroom was in the driver's seat. He suddenly recognized who he was.

“Alfred?”

“Ivan?”

“No way, you again?” Feliks interrupted their mini-reunion, and eventually got punched by Ludwig.

“Ludwig?!” Ivan shouted out of worry.

“Don’t worry, we got this.” Alice smiled, and continued to face Felix along with Ludwig.

“Get in, Ivan!” Alfred shouted as Ivan complied.

“Get your punk asses out of there now! Don't even try to run! Nobody messes with me! Nobody!” Feliks shouted as they drove away. Arthur interrupted their fight.

 .

 “Feliks is messed up… and dangerous. This day never ends.” Ivan said what was on his mind.

“’Oh, and spasiba, Alfred.’” Alfred spoke in an attempted Russian accent. “After five years, you're still Ivan Braginsky.” Alfred continued in his usual voice.

Ivan looks down and shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

“Don't give me the guilty face; at least pretend you're glad to see me.” Alfred pointed out.

“I am seriously glad to see you. Oh, and spasiba, Alfred. It makes perfect sense I'd see you today.” Ivan said sincerely.

“Yes, it's been that kinda day. So, what did that freak want with you?”

“Hopefully nothing after today. So, how do you know Feliks?”

“He's just another Arcadian asshole. Your friend really took a beatdown for you...”

“Ludwig? Yeah, I owe him big-time.”

“You're not the only one in debt. And you're already causing trouble.”

“Thought it would be quiet here. Feels so weird to be back.”

“So, I guess St. Petersburg sucked hard?”

“No, it felt like real city for artists. Big and bright. Great for taking pictures.”

“Yeah. Must be hard coming back to a hick town like Arcadia again.”

“Not after seeing you.”

“Please. You came back for Blackwell Academy.” He said bitterly.

“Of course, it's one of the best photography programs in the country. And my favorite teacher, Natalya Arlovskaya.” Unfortunately, Ivan didn’t notice Alfred’s tone.

“So you came back to Arcadia for a teacher, not your best friend.” Alfred threw some shade, and Ivan winced.

“Don't you think I'm happy to see you?”

“No. You were happy to wait five years without a call or even a text.” Alfred just glared at the road.

“Give me a break! I was going through changes...like you...” Ivan weakly defended himself.

“I guess those changes included dumping me from your life.”

“That's not true, Alfred...” He frowned, not liking the conversation.

“Bullshit. You thought you'd hook up with all these art pricks in St. Petersburg. Didn't happen, though.”

“You're merciless.” Ivan muttered.

“You've been at Blackwell for almost a month without letting me know. 'Nuff said.” He reminded.

“I just wanted to settle in first and not be such a shy, cliche geek. I totally would've contacted you.”

“I bet you don't use these sad excuses on Ms. Arlov-whatever. Don't use them on me, Ivan.”

Ivan fell back on the seat behind him. He watched Alfred driving for a while, ‘Since when did he start wearing glasses? It looks good on him.’ he thought, then bended down to retrieve his camera, which was smashed during the confrontation in the parking lot.

“Ahh, blyat.” He muttered.

“Wow, haven’t heard that in a while.” Alfred mused.

“Nothing changes, except for my camera decided to be trash.”

“Good thing my step-douche has a boatload of tools. Maybe you can fix it at my place.”

“I need very specific, tiny tools.”

“Nerd alert! My stepdad has a fully-stocked garage. And he actually is a tiny tool.” Alfred smiled, losing up a bit of his scrunched face.

“Welcome home, Ivan.” he said warmly and Ivan thanked him in his head.

 .

 Ivan and Alfred drove up to Alfred's house, and parked in the driveway. They get out of the car, and Alfred began unlocking the door with his house keys.

“Come on in, don't be shy.” Alfred tried to be hospitable.

“The house still looks...nice.” A faint nostalgia surged through Ivan.

“Home, shit home.” Alfred remarked as he entered the house.

Ivan followed him upstairs, and entered his room.

“My room’s a bit different than the last time you saw it.”

“It’s cool. At least we can chill out.”

“This isn’t exactly where I chill out. My step-Fuhrer makes sure of that. Close the door, and put on some music while I ‘meditate’.” Alfred began smoking weed.

“So tell me, what does Ivan Braginsky do for fun now that he's a grown-up?”

“Not much. You know me. I like to observe the world more than participate.”

“I can't say I know you anymore; maybe you love to go clubbin' every night.”

“Can you see me at a rave?”

“I'd dose those candy-flippin' morons and watch them twitch into a DJ-dance-death-rattle... Take a photo of that.”

“Pfft, da. Sure.”

Ivan looked for the power switch and turned it on. He searched the metal box under the bed and took the CD. Noticing a picture of Matthew Williams, he pulls it out and unfolds it to reveal that the other side of the picture shows Alfred. He noticed this.

“Hey, give me that!” Alfred snatched the photo out of Ivan's hand.

“Ah, prosti. I wasn't trying to be nosy. Obviously, he was good friend, yes?”

“That's putting it mildly.”

Ivan sat down next to Alfred. Not really wanting to look a know-it-all, he inquired about Matthew.

“So, who is he? Do you mind talking about him?”

“Matthew Williams. He was my...angel.” He answered with longing.

“After my mom died and you moved, I felt abandoned. Matthew saved my life.” He continued.

“I had no idea...” Ivan whispered.

“Well, you never made much effort to find out. I was fourteen, we were best friends.” Alfred countered.

“So, Matthew took my place... I'm glad he was there for you.” He replied weakly.

“Matthew had my back. We were gonna kick the world's ass. You would laugh at how different we were... He wanted to be a star.”

“He looks like a model. Well, he looks like you.”

“We get that a lot. That was his plan. Our plan. Get the hell out of Bigfootville, and into Los Angeles.”

“So, what happened? Did your folks, your papa, try to stop you?”

“My papa was too busy hooked up with Sergeant Shithead.”

“I feel the love... Now, when did Matthew actually disappear?” Ivan said sarcastically.

“Six months ago. He just left Arcadia. Without a word. Without...me.” Alfred weakly responded.

“How do you know he disappeared? Maybe he wanted to start a totally new life...”

“Unlike you, he would've told me, okay? Something happened to him.” his tone took a break from the nostalgia.

“I believe you. I'm just trying to get all deductive...” Ivan sighed.

“Before he left, he said he met somebody who changed his life... Then, poof.”

“And you haven't heard anything from him since?”

“Like everybody in my life. My mom, you...and Matthew... Gone... Can you put on some music now?”

Ivan got up slowly. He inserted the CD into the stereo. "Santa Monica Dream" by Angus and Julia Stone began playing. Alfred lied down on the bed, a sad expression across his face, and he began to smoke.

“Anyway, you can find tools to fix your camera in the garage.” Alfred noted.

“Alfred, are you okay?” Ivan noticed Alfred’s dazed face.

“Sure, I'm awesome. I just want to blaze and be alone for a moment.”

“Horosho.” Ivan left Alfred's room and went downstairs.

He glanced around the living room, and invited himself to a nostalgia trip. ‘It’s been five years.’ The living room was still the same as he remembered, except for the old wallpaper stripping out of its age. The bulky television was gone, and was replaced with a flat-screen. He looked through the sliding door, noticed that the backyard’s swing was still there.

He spotted an open door to the garage and welcomed himself. He searched for the tools, cabinet by cabinet. When he opened another cabinet, he was surprised to see what’s inside. A small television with surveillance of the house. ‘Damn, Alfred’s step-dad is really paranoid and creepy.’ He closed the cabinet, and searched through the drawers instead. He found a manila folder containing Blackwell’s student profiles, and apparently, his opinions as well; he also had a file about Ivan. He skimmed through the detail. ‘Really nosy, doesn’t know how to mind his own business. Quite sketchy.’ He laughed quietly when he read his opinion about him. He read Kat’s file and it bothered him. ‘Related to a scandal in the Vortex Club’ he read. ‘Why would he thought of that? This man has a problem.’ He put the files back to its place, and opened another drawer, wherein he found the tools. He grabbed the tools and headed back to Alfred’s room.

“Sweet, you found the tools? Go work on my table. Just tidy it up a bit.” Alfred said as he noticed Ivan had returned.

He complied and began fixing his camera. He removed the pictures inside of it and put it aside. He screwed some parts as it began to take its form. When it seemed presentable, he pressed the shutter button. The cover did not immediately eject, so he removed the film backing, then reinserted it. It still didn’t work.

“Why are you pain in the butt?” He felt defeated.

Alfred stood up from his bed and moved closer to Ivan. He noticed the photos on the table, and looked at it one by one. He commented each of the photo with compliments, making Ivan smile. He then took the photo of a blue butterfly that seemed familiar.

“Hey! Is this… is this the butterfly in the restroom?!” Alfred exclaimed as if it’s a Eureka moment.

“Ahh, da. Yes. It is. Why?”

“You… you son of a gun. You saved me! You knew Feliks had a gun so you tripped the alarm. Wow, you’re like the KGB or something.” Alfred was still amazed.

“What are you talking about?” Ivan grinned and Alfred threw a pillow at him, causing the camera to fall.

“Now, it’s officially broken.” Ivan deadpanned.

“Hey, since, it was your birthday like more than a year ago. Right?” Alfred smiled, giddy, and searched for something in his cabinet. Well, under it. He pulled out a box, and found what he was looking for. He hid it behind his back and-

“Belated happy birthday, Ivan!” Alfred held out a Polaroid camera, better than his previous one.

“I- Uh, spasiba, Alfred. But isn’t this your mother’s camera?”

“Pfft, no worries. Besides, I don’t know how to take good shots, unlike you.”

“Bol'shoye spasiba, Alfred. I am much honored.”

“Y’know what, we should celebrate! You’re back, and we need to have a homecoming party for you.” He paced through his room and changed the music to a livelier one. He maxed the volume, and started dancing on top of his bed.

“C’mon. Shake that big, white ass!” He howled, earning a giggle from Ivan as he awkwardly began dancing as well.

“Are you even trying, Ivan?” He danced vigorously, bobbing his head.

“Turn off that bloody music, Alfred Bonnefoy-Kirkland!” A voice shouted from downstairs.

“Fucker, I hate it when he does that.” Alfred cursed as he turned off the stereo.

“What now?” Ivan asked.

“I’m going to your room, young man.” His step-dad shouted.

“Oh, shit. Ivan, go hide or something.” Alfred whispered.

Ivan was frantically finding a hiding spot, and remembered that he used to hide in Alfred’s closet. He went inside and remained silent while he heard the door opened.

“Alfred, did you, or did you not take any of my guns in my stash?” His step-dad asked impatiently.

“Wow, what are you even talking about?”

“Is this marijuana? Why am I finding marijuana in this house?”

“Okay, first, guns. Now, weed. Wanna blame me more on something else?”

“I will not tolerate that kind of tone if I were you. Your father and I were worried about you.”

“Yeah, sure. I feel the love.”

“Answer my question, why is there marijuana in your room?”

“I… Uhh, it’s mine.” Ivan lied as he stepped out of the closet. He was surprised to see Arthur Kirkland in Alfred’s room.

“Okay, first of all, I don’t like it when bloody strangers pop out from my son’s closet. And you do know the consequences for having such illegal drug, Ivan Braginsky.”

“You should shut it, Arthur. You shouldn’t care who I’m friends with. And please call me Alfred F. Jones if you really want to call me by my full name.” Alfred butted in.

Ticked off, Arthur slapped Alfred in the face. Alfred glared at him.

“You’ll regret this.” He warned, eyes glinting.

Arthur, without another word, walked away with grief.

“Alfred, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. So that’s my step-douche.”

“I can’t believe Arthur Kirkland is your step-dad.”

“Yeah, beats me on how Francis looked him in the eye and say ‘Wow I love this man’ because seriously, who could even like that guy? Anyway, I have another surprise.” He went to his table and uncovered something.

He held it in his back then held it out. It was a gun.

“Look at my cool toy.”

“Alfred, chto za blyat?!”

“I know, pretty cool, right?” He ignored his friend’s colorful expression.

“Anyway, let’s go outside. I don’t really feel chill here anymore.” He opened his window and noticed Ivan hesitated.

“What? Are you coming or you’re just gonna mope there and maybe have a heart to heart talk with Arthur?” He continued stepping out through the window.

Ivan followed him, and he was excited.

 .

 They went to a familiar cliff. Too familiar.

“Isn't this awesome sauce? Totally reminds me of when we were kids...” Alfred recalled. He noticed Ivan was slowing down and waved at him. “Come on, slowpoke!”

“Wait up!”

‘I haven't been here in forever... So why do I feel like I was just here? Whoa, this is the exact same path I was on during my nightmare today.’

He noticed Alfred was already sitting on a bench by the lighthouse. Alfred noticed him standing like a doof.

“Have a seat, Vanya.”

“You’re in a good mood.” He said as he noticed the sudden use of his nickname.

“Seeing my step-dork get played makes me happy.”

“I'm not as brave as you. And Arthur is indeed ‘step-douche’.”

“I'm sorry you had to experience it firsthand.”

“You have to live with him. Has he always been this way?”

“Ever since my desperate papa dragged his ass to our home! I never trusted Arthur.”

“He freaked out on poor Yekaterina Chernenko today.”

“I know her. She's cool. Only that prick would bully her.”

“He has some kind of weird agenda.”

“He has a lot of secret files. Sherlock still thinks he's gathering enemy intelligence. Did you take a peek?”

“Well, yeah. I couldn't help it.”

“Never change. What did you find?”

“Creepy photos of Yekaterina... other Blackwell students...”

“This dude takes his job too seriously. He still thinks he's at war or something. He has a total surveillance fetish. I worry there are spy cams in the house.”

“I knew you didn't know! Alfred, your house is under surveillance.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There are cameras all over the house. I saw it on a monitor in the garage.”

“I knew it! He is so hella fucking paranoid. I'll keep this a secret for now...”

“Sometimes ignorance is bliss.”

“No wonder I'm so miserable. Everybody in this town knows everybody's secrets...”

“Even yours?

“Not anymore.”

“So what do you have on Feliks?”

“He's an elite asshole who sells bad shit cut with laxative ...and he dosed me with some drug in his room.”

“What?”

“I met him in some shithole bar that didn't card me. He was too rich for the place and too wasted. And he kept flashing bills...”

“Just tell me what happened, Alfred. Now.”

“I was an idiot. I thought he was so blazed it would be an easy score.”

“You needed money that bad?”

“Actually, yes. I owe big time. And I thought I'd have enough for me and Matthew if he showed up.”

“How much do you owe?

“Three grand plus interest. And before I could get a chunk of that from Feliks...he dosed my drink with some shit.”

“God, Alfred, I can't believe this... I mean, I do. Then what?” Ivan was frustrated.

“I know I passed out on the floor. I woke up and that perv was smiling, crawling towards me with a camera...”

“Go on...”

“Everything was a blur... I tried to kick him in the balls and broke a lamp. Feliks freaked, so I managed to bum rush the door and get the hell out. Ivan, it was insane.”

“What did you do then?” Ivan gritted through his teeth. Furious at what he was hearing.

“I figured I would make him pay me to keep quiet. So we met in the bathroom.”

“And he brought a gun.”

“That was Feliks's last mistake.”

“He's still dangerous, Alfred. Not just to you.”

“I won't always be there to save you...”

“You were here today, Ivan. You saved me! I'm still tripping on that... Seeing you after all these years feels like—“

“Destiny?”

Alfred got up from the bench and approached the cliff. Ivan follows him.

“If this is destiny, I hope we can find Matthew. I miss him, Ivan. This shit-pit has taken away everyone I've ever loved... I'd like to drop a bomb on Arcadia Bay and turn it to fucking glass...”

Ivan glanced at Alfred who’s still look at the horizon. The sun was setting and sky was clear until-

Ivan felt his head ache. The world was spinning on its own, darkening.

He was, again, trapped in the same storm. He was on the same path as before.

‘Not again... Why is this happening to me? Why am I here again? Is Alfred still up there?’

Ivan followed a doe, translucent it seemed, to the top of the hill as a boulder fell down the left fork in the road. Thunder crashed and lightning stroke a tree, causing it to fall down in front of Ivan. He rewinded time and walked up the path as the tree fell behind him. Ivan continued to follow the ghostly doe up the steps to the lighthouse. A pile of logs crashed down the path in front of Ivan. He rewinded and stood in the area next to the path as they fell past him. He continued toward the lighthouse. A boat flew out of the tornado and crashed into the lighthouse. Debris rained down and knocked the fallen tree blocking the road into the ocean below. The top of the lighthouse fell down and balanced precariously on the edge of the cliff. It slowly tipped over and fell into the ocean, taking chunks of the cliff with it so Ivan cannot cross it. Ivan rewinded and crossed to the bench area after the debris rained down. The lighthouse roof fell over again behind him. Ivan then read the newspaper stuck on railing. ‘October 11th? Is this Friday? That's only four days away!’ The wind tore the newspaper out of Ivan's hands. He watched the tornado.

‘Oh, no... That tornado is headed straight for the town...’

Suddenly, Alfred's hand touched Ivan's shoulder. Ivan found himself back with Alfred at sunset. Ivan falls to the ground and Alfred kneeled beside him. He looked at Alfred one more time, about to break down.

“Alfred! You're here! I'm back. Oh, Bozhe, this is real--it's real! This sucks.” Ivan rambled, mixed with emotions.

“Ivan, what's going on? You totally blacked out.”

“I didn't black out...I had another vision. The town is going to get wiped out by a tornado...”

“Oregon gets about five tornadoes every twenty years; you just zoned.”

Ivan grabbed Alfred's wrist.

“Nyet, nyet, I saw it! I could actually feel the electricity in the air...”

“Come on, take a breath, okay?”

“Alfred, I'm not crazy. But there's something else I have to tell you... Something...hardcore.”

“Talk to me, Ivan.”

“I had this same vision earlier in class... When I came out of it, I discovered I could reverse time. Like I said: not crazy.”

“But high, right?”

“Listen to me, how do you think I saved you in the bathroom?”

“By reversing time? Yeah, sure.”

“I saw you get shot, Alfred. Saw you actually...die. I was able to go back and hit the fire alarm...”

“Okay, I see you're a geek now with a great imagination, but this isn't anime or a video game; people don't have those powers, Ivan.”

“I don't know what I have, but I have it. And I'm scared.”

“You need to get high. It's been a hella insane fucking day...”

Ivan began shaking his head. A snowflake falls on his face and he wipes it away. Ivan and Alfred watched as snow begins falling all around them.

“What...the hell is this?” Alfred said dumbfounded.

“Snowflakes...?”

Alfred stood up.

“It's, like...eighty degrees. How?” Alfred stated, unable to comprehend what’s happening.

Ivan got up.

“Climate change...or storm is coming.” he commented gravely.

“Ivan...” Alfred looked him in the eye. “Start from the beginning. Tell me everything.”

Disclaimer: I do not own ‘Hetalia: Axis Powers’ nor ‘Life is Strange’.

So, there you have it. A ‘Life Is Strange’ AU RusAme.

Fun fact: Babochka is a Russian word for butterfly which also means “little soul” because the old peeps believed that souls take form of a butterfly. Thus, the title.

Another fun fact: I don’t really write fanfic; this is just a giant incorrect hetalia quote if you ask me. I just got into deep of RusAme hell. I’d appreciate it if someone would like to beta for me, though. I would love to learn how write properly.

If my request in AO3 got approved, I’d definitely post it there.

[cosplayinamerica]

Rey from  Star Wars : RethinkCosplay

I'm one of the biggest Star Wars fans out there. There are times when the outfit should be as big as my obsession. Every year since The Force Awakens came out I thought to tackle something huge from each of the new films in the Skywalker saga. When I saw Snoke for the first time, it was love. I knew it had to be him, and not only him, but his huge throne. That was my 2016 cosplay.

When Last Jedi came out I asked myself "now what is the hardest thing to replicate in this one?", but it be a luxury to think I could convince friends to pay for a ticket to stand in a line, so the next best thing was getting the cut outs. I'm not an attractive or meticulous cosplayer, but I am a clever one. You're allowed to be more better at constructing, you're allowed to be more popular, more attractive, but not creative. That is my absolute shit. I suck at make up and needlework, but not in ingenuity. I like working with illusions, the performance art realm. I wouldn't go to someone else's domain and try to be the best there, rather I play to my own strengths. I find that theres an air of female cosplayers take off a lot to be noticed, and men put on a lot of armor to stand out, kinda thing. But once you know what the lines are, you can break them.

You can crossplay, be off the wall, and thrive in the grey area; tapping into some unique cosplay without all the trappings of what a cosplay has to be. I knew at some point I wanted to do a gender-swap cosplay. I never done one. I think I ended up looking more like a soy wax candle, but lo and behold, Rey, nonetheless.

Photo: tascena

The response at #NYCC was spectacular and reminded me why I do this. I don't make my outfits for me, I do it for them. Cosplayers, Comic Con attendees are my people. I don't do this in the hopes to be popular or anything, it be nice, but I don't want to get lost in creating for that. I like making people laugh. I like seeing the laughter that I believe I had when I thought of the idea. I very much enjoy reading and seeing what everyone has to say online.

There are times where I could be feeling down, and I can pull up a picture and read a caption that brings me back to life. Seeing security and people you'd never expect to take your photo, take your photo. There is a beautiful magic that comes down from the air on days like those, fills the room and gets concentrated. The energy is beautiful. I don't think I'd ever like anything as much as I do the people. To be a fan of this stuff is already a mark of intelligence. And Con people, although snippy at times, have great taste.

Rey almost didn't happen at all. Like it was not going to make it inside the building or anywhere near the con. Security had stopped me, their advisors had stopped me. Said it was the longest outfit they ever had. No one wanted to risk bringing this into the convention, which is a miracle it even did. Ive always felt I had the right temperament to be a cosplayer cause I don't get mad if things go awry, my brain just re-calibrates the destination.

Photo : lykeleia

My friends Citizen Chris and Hye Young had to argue with security for an hour. We brought it in disassembled to make the transport of it easier, and I guess the look of these long grey rods startled them. We were allowed to assemble them inside, but was told I couldn't go in. Once it was all put together, and every superstar supervisor had been shown pictures of my work from previous years were they convinced I could be let in, provided I don't go all the way, and have two people making sure no one gets smacked in the face. I have days where I go in with a smoother cosplay to see the show floor and other days where I know I wont be able to. You have to choose wisely which. But every time I see a picture of my Rey now, I just think to myself "that almost didn't happen". Which, in and of itself, is a big compliment; the fact that you can make an outfit so wide for even Comic Con.

I started building in June. June kicks off Con season for me. Being its 4 days, I try not to aggravate myself with putting everything together the month before. I designate a month to each day. It was worn Friday so that would put us in July. I started building in July.

The construction is very simple actually. Once you get past the "awe", you'll see shower curtain hooks and aluminum tape. I don't use measurements. I rely on a "crude magic" to see me through. At some point if you are getting all caught up in the rigid dictatorship of everything needs to come out a certain way, thats not fun. It is a more delicate life form than a baby at times, but still. This is Cosplay. Even the makings of it should be fun. Some of it is like discovery, finding a new world. It should excite you to learn things in the makings of, for some of those things may inform how others could be built down the line.

As with anything, I feel like we all each make our cosplay three times or so before we get it right. I took two plastic rods that had some earth to them, dense enough to attach something weighty and not enough to weigh me down. Drilled holes in the appropriate areas, zip tied the hooks in and taped them down. Took shelving parts to make the shoulder holders, and painted everything grey Rey. Slid yarn through the cut outs so all I had to do was tie them to the hooks. Aluminum tape, zip ties, and galvanized wire make the Ariel Krupnik story. I've made it through a lot of miserable nights constructing with friends like that. I like my cosplays to be held together strong enough that I could go play basketball in them if I wanted. Peeing would have been genius though.

Photo: upaausedshimmy

Cosplay has saved my life on multiple occasions. It almost feels like every year is just me trying to get through the months until I can make it to Comic Con. It confirmed my beliefs that people do care about the work I produce. That there is an audience for it.

Cosplay is another art form that should be respected, and we are in a time period where I think its getting that close. It also saves other people as well. Its made the most of me, and given me the power to make someones day. There are people who travel to these cons, see you and say "that did it for me". I have seen and heard this first hand. Ive seen people cry.

As artists, as cosplayers are, we can get so caught up wondering whether all of this matters; that we feel it doesn't if it doesn't reach the attention of the one or two people we want it to matter to, but don't overlook the many people it does. Its had a profound effect on me. Its an art form that I don't have to rely on myself to come up with characters, ideas yes, but to rely on an industry that will give me things I can rework for everyone, forever. Technically one could cosplay forever if movies, comics, etc are always being released. I wish Comic Con was 361 days a year and we had 4 days of normalcy.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Where Have I Been? | Doing the Write Thing #24

***TRIGGER WARNING: there’s mention of suicide/being suicidal in this post. If you’re sensitive to that, I’d advise you to skip this post!***

Well hellooooo, it’s been a while.

And by a while I mean 6 days, and for a series that’s supposed to be updated daily, that means something...

Where the actual heck have I been?

First, I gotta preface...

I LOVE writing these updates. I can’t express to you guys how important these updates are to my writing process and to keeping me motivated. The support I’ve gotten for this series means so much to me, so when I’m away from Tumblr for a while, trust me, I am still thinking about you guys and about these updates.

To be honest I don’t know why I’ve been gone this long... I have nothing to excuse this absence/mini hiatus. I’m sorry I fell off the face of the earth, especially since I’ve been posting frequently for the past month. Even though I haven’t been updating you, doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. Sorry I’ve been away, but I’m back to writing these updates as much as I can.

Thank you guys for understanding... Seriously, it means the world to me.

Yesterday was such a day.

I kid you not, I spent my entire day watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix.

I’ve expressed that I don’t actually support the book before on this blog. Not hating, or anything, but in my personal experience with being suicidal a suicidal human, I wasn’t a fan of how suicide was portrayed in the actual book. Suicide’s a huge part of my life (and I know that may come as a shock, but honestly, I don’t want to hold the truth back from you). (But also, I appreciate that the book still exists and helps raise awareness for others. I still really appreciate the effort.)

I’ve been suicidal since I was a child... It’s a weird thing to express. If you’re suicidal, you’d get what I mean. And also: just because I’m suicidal, doesn’t mean I’ve got a plan, or am going to actually do it. It’s just a part of my personality, and is a part of how I was programmed. This isn’t a new thing for me, and frankly, doesn’t interfere with my life. There’s no need to be concerned (just in case anyone else finds this alarming) about this, just to clear that up. (And I’m getting help, no worries, just sharing my story over here!)

I wrote a journal entry two days ago that might help people who aren’t suicidal understand what it’s like. Obviously, I need to put it out there: this is my personal experience. Not every person experiences this in the way I do and it’s very important to understand that.

Alright this is the journal entry:

It’s hard when I’m so willing to die and yet so motivated to live. That’s the thing about being suicidal. It’s the worst trap a person can fall victim to because for me, I feel great a lot of the times. I love small, irrelevant things in life like how it feels to watch the steam clear from the mirror after a long hot shower, or how at 6PM in the summer, this warm glow touches every corner of every object in every room. Or the way it feels to run my fingers through my hair and feel physical curls. Or the split second in which you finally take down a large ice cold glass of water after being parched for hours. Small things like that I appreciate. And I appreciate life so much. It’s not like I’m ungrateful for what I have, or I’m not happy with what I have because that’s not true at all. Being suicidal is loving everything but still having this deep pull inside of you yearn for death. And sometimes in not death, it’s silence that just cannot be recreated on this earth.

(btw, the hair bit is because I bleach my hair frequently, hence my natural curly hair has been destroyed because the lack of moisture, so seeing it curly [which is often now] is just a little small thing that makes me happy!)

(And if anyone wants to talk to me about this because they’re feeling similarly or would like some personal experience to help with research, feel free to message me! :))

Does that make sense? I know when I tell people this they become super concerned which I understand. This is a scary thing for me to admit on here, but honesty is very important to me. A lot of people don’t get what it’s like to be suicidal which I think is actually a very good thing. I don’t think anyone WANTS to feel like this.

So back to what I was saying about the show... I think the show depicted an AMAZING job at showing what being suicidal/coping with suicide is really like. Because it’s not pretty but also, goes unnoticed a lot of the time. I LOVED that they didn’t hide behind the ‘suicide is not the answer’ mantra and actually became ACTIVE in showing how harmful not paying attention is. I loved that Clay was angry about the school’s putting up of posters after the suicide of his friends because posters don’t help AFTER there’s been a tragedy as the one in the show and book. I love that it’s spreading awareness, especially to high schools. (The poster thing is personally a huge problem I have at my school. Crapton of posters, and zero actual active helping. Gah)

So while I don’t like how the book depicted a struggle I face, the show is so beautiful and honest and amazing. I highly recommend watching the show. It’s a work of art, and honestly, is something I’m so proud of. To get an accurate depiction of what being suicidal is like/suicide in the media is just... amazing. I’m so happy about this show. It’s wonderful.

(BUT of course, not everyone who is suicidal/has attempted suicide/is coping with suicide won’t feel this way. This is just my experience.)

So that’s what I did all of yesterday. And honestly, I can’t regret that. I feel so heard because of this show, and it means a lot.

And for those who are wondering: Dylan did an amazing job. I’m so happy he was cast for Clay. (Dylan’s from my favourite band, lol, check out The Narwhals small bands 4 lyfe, he was amazing.)

If you’ve got a solid 13 hours to kill, I’d highly recommend spending them on watching this important show.

My day didn’t really start until around midnight... Which means it didn’t really start at all... (Zero regrets though.)

BUT I DID A THING while I was watching the show!

I did my first digital painting! Yay!

My sister got a drawing tablet for Christmas, so I decided to pick it up yesterday and finished my first real piece of digital art.

I can’t really draw. I’m such a noob at drawing, and am really only trying to develop my skills since drawing isn’t my strongest point. (I’m more of a graphic design gal.) BUT you know what I can do? Use Photoshop.

I wish I had the original sketch to show you, but guys, I got the proportions all wrong. The eyes were huge and a completely different shape, the nose was way too big, the head was huge, the mouth was way too wide...

But I fixed it with Photoshop. ;’)

I drew my MC from FOSTERED’s spinoff duology, ALANNIS.

SO STOKED STOKED STOKED STOKED.

GUYS YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE BEFORE SKETCH. I’m kicking myself for not saving it, but it was so funny, LOL. I literally had to readjust the size of everything.

So in terms of software, I sketched everything on my drawing tablet in Photoshop, and painted it in there as well. I’m not an artist, but I’m pretty proud of this, considering it was my first time using the tablet! It’s not perfect but I love it a lot... Really proud of that nose. lol.

And more news!

@sarahkelsiwrites drew Colton from SIXTEEN CENTS for me, and AHHHH I’M SO EXCITED!

She’s also going to draw Andy and Jayesh which oh my I’m super stoked for. I love these three a lot.

Colton has the best hair. Like, my hair is blue, and he still wins at hair.

This just made me want to write the entire book right now. lol.

Okay onto the actual writing update...

Daily word count goal: 250

Words written: 1367

Total word count: 42 830

Total page count: 82

Songs played: No music

Things to know: I was pretty tired. But also, was SO excited. Fun times. I listened to the scenes before this and loved ‘em so much so I was just so stoked to write the next one.

How I felt: Stoked af. It was a little hard to get into at first, but holy stoked.

Bad haiku to describe writing session: 2 AM is a / Perfect time to write my book / I got a lot done

Rating of writing session out of 10 and why: Solid 8.75 because I was a little tired, but also very excited

On a scale from 1-10 my level of stoked-ness is: SO BLOODY STOKED 10/10

Lyrics to describe writing session: And strange as it seems / She’s endless to me / She’s just like paperwork / But harder to read

- Ed Sheeran, She (Song I Wrote With Amy EP)

BUT OHHHH SHE, KNOWS ME SOOOO WELLLLLL.

GIF to describe writing session:

WE WERE YOUUUUUUNG DARLIN WE DON’T HAVE NO CONTROL, WE’RE OUT OF CONTROLLLLL

(Also, does anyone else here like The Strokes? I’d be interested to know...)

Excerpt:

(I forgot the excerpt in the last writing update like a dunce)

“My mother always told me to get rid of the toxic people in my life. To only surround myself with positive relationships, and positive people. But maybe I’m just a toxic person, and there’s no getting rid of myself.”

(This might sound really bad, but I actually wrote this down in a journal entry as kind of a personal thought and immediately thought to add it into the book because TEENAGE ANGST COME ALL AGES.)

(You know, dude that said this isn't even a teenager. I’ve been writing these books for so long that if I go on for another year, the book would most likely move into adult.)

(Lonan’s my angsty ball of angst.)

(Join the club.)

(Currently, this club of angst is being populated by Cliff, Lone and I. Looking for new members.)

Okay, so that’s it. This post was different and really honest... I hope that you guys enjoyed it, honestly. Thank you for reading as always, and I’ll see you in the next one. :) 

--Rachel

[loveandscenerysims4]

Replies: Lots of ‘em :-)

Normal working life has resumed for me and I’ve got a little behind on my replies but here I am at the weekend making amends!

Find them below the cut!

The Constance Fanclub:

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Yeah because he loves your best friend, Constance! Goooo Constance

zauglom replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

GO CONSTANCE!!!

zauglom replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

It will be Constance!!!

zauglom replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Constance is my favorite now ��

simlishanddreams replied to your post “Replies: Gabriel’s Bachelor Challenge”

Constance has fans!!! Squeees happily since she's my favorite for him.

shachum-cha replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Good on Constance!

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Good for you, Constance! Kat....you're playing her so well. She's exactly the classy lady I envisioned her to be when I created her as a townie for my game. She's a lady with morals who values her own self worth enough that she demands to be treated with respect.

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Awww poor baby

tabbyrh replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Don't we all! Lol I'm lucky enough to have mine. Maybe she will too?

nadinemaee replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Constance is such a classy lady! I love her

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

GO! CONSTANCE! Show those girls how smart you are, make them fear your genius powers.

It seems classy old fashioned romantic Dr Constance hope is amassing a following. She would be grateful but embaressed to know that she has fans I’m sure. I just wonder if Gabriel realises that she’s the one yet? ;-)

Selita Brings the Drama:

igglemouse replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Off with you Selita! OFF with you I say!

shachum-cha replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Whyyyyyy

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

BOOO! Witch! No, he's not because he'll pick Constance and she's a Doctor. So, maybe he's the gold digger! HA! LOL...kidding.

the-ramblings-of-a-ravenclaw replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

You forgot to add BEING A B*TCH, Selita! (Also hi Enrico and Fabian in the background, I see you guys being all about the /drama/)

tabbyrh replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Uh oh!! Lol

tabbyrh replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Fight!! Fight!!

simaroosimblr replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Uh oh! I hope this is where Anja makes trouble...

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Lol.....doesn't want him but doesn't want anybody else to have him either. Haha at Anja not being included in the group dance.

the-ramblings-of-a-ravenclaw replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Hooooooooh my god Selita back the fuck up s'il vous plait

I couldn’t have pre-planned Selita showing up at the club where Gabriel was with the ladies if I’d tried. Its honestly just like she showed up to mess with him. She must hate the fact he’s finally moving on from his unhealthy fascination with her. 

Anja Divides Opinion:

simaroosimblr replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Anja is so desperate! It's entertaining!

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Hate Anja. Give her to me so I can lock her in a room without doors and windows....watch her die....only to make her die again.

mysimsloveaffair replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Well, I guess you have to keep Anja around to bring the drama! Everyone else is too sweet!

simsomedia replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Jerk

igglemouse replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Lol, well she's already won in her mind so what she's worried about?!

igglemouse replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Anja's confidence is fooling me into thinking she really does have this in the bag!

Anja certainly is an enigma! Her strong will and passion makes her a little over zealous and pushy at times but she does keep things interesting for sure!

Misc Bachelor Replies:

zauglom replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

You need to be impressed with the woman, not with the place, Gabe! :p

Gabriel sometimes gets easily distracted especially when he’s somewhere a little out of his comfort zone. lol

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

That's cause they're good friends and respect each other, they're playing the "game" like ladies.

Indeed yes, Megan and Constance have a mutual respect for each other that is wonderful to see. 

simlishanddreams replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Megan: "Girl, you just ain't right in the head....."

Megan’s not Dr but she’s got this diagnosis right. 

tabbyrh replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

But I liked Macy!��

Aww I’m sorry! Its a ruthless process I’m afraid. 

I confuse everyone by accidentally posting too early: 

zauglom replied to your post “I feel like I saw the post I wasn't meant to have seen, but didn't...”

Ellie's message is the most confusing thing I've ever read lmao

simlishanddreams replied to your post “Oops”

Lol least only us insomniacs were awake to see it...and those in different time zones lol

It seems I thankfully got away with mostly only confusing @simaroosimblr who then went on to confuse our Daria. Tee-hee. 

Amy and Fabian’s City Apartment: 

igglemouse replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generations 4 and 5 - Kekoa Messer / Kim Family I...”

That is a great kitchen just for the view! Everything else is a bonus!

tabbyrh replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generations 4 and 5 - Kekoa Messer / Kim Family ...”

Very masculine!! Fabulous job decorating!!

the-ramblings-of-a-ravenclaw replied to your post “Replies: Amy and Fabian’s City Apartment”

I have to disagree, the Arts Quarter is one of my favourites, if only for its beauty! It reminds me a little of Bristol, actually! But yeah, pay attention to the lighting there, it can be annoying 

That view is why I picked it. I looked at several other apartments too but that one had the view I fell in love with. Glad you guys like the decor too. I’ll see about the lighting when I play in it!

Misc Random Replies:

shysimblr replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 as Toddlers :-) Okay I caved and did the...”

My fave was always lila <3 what trait did you give her?

I think it was the Independent trait. Even toddler Lila did that with attitude. lol

jenba replied to your photo “The Patio area of @jenba‘s Nine West Eatery with a wintery backdrop”

Pretty backdrop!!

Aww thanks Jen! I have that restaurant of yours right down by the water in Willow Creek so the view matches the quality of the food :-p

igglemouse replied to your video “The Sims 4 Toddlers Patch At last it might be safe to venture into the...”

lol, no. It is never safe!

Too true, I thought toddlers might stop the negativity at the official forum, I should have known better. Some people there just love the sound of their own voices and don’t have a concept of being civil to others. Its a shame really. 

charmed-sisters replied to your photoset “Legacy Play - Generation 4 - Gabriel Messer - Bachelor Challenge - Day...”

Vampire krazykat soon... ��

I cannot wait! I’m so keyed up for vamps I may have to start a new save. lol. 

[syrupwit]

Letter for Trick or Treat 2018

Thank you for reading!!

Table of Contents:

General Likes & DNW

Dishonored

Original Works

Portal

Sunless Sea

-

GENERAL LIKES & DNW

Fic Likes: Humor, angst, slice of life, action/adventure, casefic, "original flavor" canon compliant works. On the light side -- camaraderie, cooperation, and loyalty among characters; hijinks and shenanigans; frenemies. On the dark side -- manipulative or one-sided relationships; fridge horror; Monkey's Paw situations; permeating, lingering atmospheres of dread. On the Halloween side -- witches, ghosts, cults, rituals, eldritch beings, and silly fake-scary party foods. I love short fics, character sketches, and unusual narrative structures (epistolary, found document, framing devices like quoting from a work that doesn't exist). Drabbles are more than welcome. For POV, first, second, and third person are all welcome. I am also fond of outsider POV and, where applicable, Outsider POV on requested characters. Also I really like pining.

Art Likes: Bright colors, monochrome, pixel art, detailed decorative-style art, cartoon style, sketches, digital art, illustrations... I'm not super well versed in art, but I like it! No doubt your hypothetical piece will impress me terribly!

DNW: Major character death, bestiality, or gratuitous gore/violence. Onscreen rape/non-con, suicide, cannibalism, or harm to animals (offscreen is fine). Asexual or aromantic characters in romantic/sexual situations. Issuefic.

-

DISHONORED

I love the worldbuilding and creepy atmosphere in Dishonored. It's probably the game I have spent the most time playing. My computer is apparently allergic to Dishonored 2, but I have seen part of an LP (and I'm spoiled!). For this exchange, I've requested characters that I would like to know more about. 

(Please note: If you’ve written a treat for me in this fandom before, I am a fan of all you write and if you are thinking of writing something for me I’d be happy with anything. But no pressure, seriously!)

Daud's Mother - Not a witch, but accomplished with poisons. Please tell me more about her! How did she learn to "never make an enemy of a witch"? How did she make her name, or lack thereof? Did she have, like, opinions, about politics? Did she ever eat good food? Make her real for me :D

Billie Lurk | Meagan Foster - The lieutenant who pays too much attention, the scarred and mysterious captain. In The Knife of Dunwall, I love that even the other Whalers think she's sort of weird. In DH2, I love... HER. Ultimate woobie tbh. I'd be happy to read anything about Billie: backstory, comedy, case snippets, angst, hurt/comfort, navel-gazing inner monologue. What was her best or worst job as an assassin? What does she do during the Fugue Feast? How were her first days at sea after leaving Dunwall? For ships, I'd prefer Billie/Daud, Billie/Emily, or Billie/Delilah. For friendships: Billie & Sokolov. However, she's great all on her lonesome.

Vera Moray | Granny Rags - The fallen beauty, the would-be cannibal! What were the stories the kids in the slums told about her? What did she find in Pandyssia? She's so grubby and creepy and fascinating. How did her little war with Slackjaw start? Did she ever meet Delilah? I'd love to see her interact with Sokolov or Corvo, but I'd also love to just see what's going on in her brain.

Black Sally - Slackjaw's predecessor, probably faked her own death. Tell me more about her rise and fall, and what she got up to after the interregnum. Did she ever pique the Outsider's interest, and if so, what dissuaded him? Was she involved, or were her parents involved, in the Morley Insurrection? *interviewer voice* When did she first display leadership skills? Erm, I guess I'd just like to know more.

Lizzy Stride - Sharpens her teeth to look tough. What happens to her after the events of The Brigmore Witches? Who is her aristocratic lover? What's her idea of a good time? What does she think about whales? How does she die? I kind of ship her with Delilah in a messed up way, but you don't have to.

Slackjaw - The Urchin Prince. If his elixir still is contaminated with rat plague, how does he find out? What's his place in the wider criminal society of Dunwall? Has he ever been even the least bit interesting to the Outsider? Why exactly does he dress like a Hatter (Watsonian explanation)? And, ah... How does he die, if not by the hand of Mrs Vera Moray?

-

ORIGINAL WORKS

I am loving the Original Works tags this year. Please feel free to use the character tags themselves as prompts if you’d prefer, or see my questions below.

Female Counselor Working at the Camp Where Those Murders Happened Years Ago - How long has she worked at the camp? Was she... the murderer?! Was her mother the murderer? Have the murders started up again just like they did all those years ago? Was she/her mother the murderer, but now the murders have started up again just like they did all those years ago and this time it's not the original murderer? Is the Counselor simply welcoming campers to the grand reopening of Camp Hackynslasche with a delicately worded account of its history? Options abound.

Mayor Who Won't Close The Beaches Because He Doesn't Believe There's a Murderous Sea Monster - What's the Mayor's reasoning? Do they change their mind? Are they in league with the Sea Monster? Does the whole thing come to a head one dark and stormy night as torrential floods allow the Sea Monster to temporarily come on land, or one bright and sunny day as the Mayor sets out in a glass-bottomed boat with a pack of journalists to prove once and for all that there is no Sea Monster? Or perhaps the Sea Monster isn't really murderous and has just been taking people to a secluded island against their will to test out its new theme park -- which is still a crime, but not as bad as murder, surely? Go wild...

Psychic Detective Who Has To Fake Being Brilliant At Clues - COMEDY GOLD. What is the Detective investigating? Have they always been psychic, or is it a recent development? Is there a rival police detective getting increasingly fed up with the Detective's nonsensical methods that somehow always arrive at the right conclusion? Are there times when being a Psychic Detective really, really sucks, and other times when it's awesome? How?

Pyramid Scheme Victim Out For Revenge - Yes! I love this prompt! What's the scheme? Probiotic health shakes? Crystal jewelry? Organic knives? Does the pyramid scheme conceal some sinister purpose, or is its founding motivation simple human greed? How does the Victim seek revenge? Infiltrating the pyramid scheme's corporate headquarters under an assumed identity? Founding a competing scheme? Shutting down production and supply? Uh, hacking? I'd love to know :D

Space Traveler Stranded on a Haunted Planet - A Trick request, or possibly a Treat! What stranded the Traveler? What is the haunted planet like -- air, gravity, landscape / seascape / gas-scape, habitability, light / darkness, ...? Who or what is doing the haunting -- an ancient civilization, a malevolent higher being, a malevolent AI that just acts like a ghost, the ghosts of other stranded travelers, native inhabitants who are alive and just really don't want to get colonized? I'm interested!

A Yoga Ball that is One of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Disguise - I just want to know what's going on here.

-

PORTAL

Somehow, Portal 2 managed to be even better than Portal. Or was it the other way around? Anyway, I'd love something funny, scary, or whimsical yet fridge-horrifying for this fandom.

Cave Johnson - His loudspeaker announcements were among my favorite parts of Portal 2. For a trick OR treat, I'd love to know more about the wild, wacky, and wildly unethical schemes he got up to. What happened to those mantis men? What were his interdepartmental memos like? Any weird company policies or work holidays we didn't hear about? For art, I loved the Aperture Science posters and Cave’s steadily aging portraits. Also I ship him with Caroline, though I understand this exchange is character matching. ;)

GLaDOS - Murderous AI of my heart! I ship her with Chell and/or Wheatley, but you don’t have to. What piqued her interest in cake? What if she gave it all up and became a potato farmer? When did she first become conscious of her own sentience? What if she decided to pursue becoming, like, “best friends” with Chell even after Caroline was gone? What if there arose some situation in which she were hurt and needed to be comforted?? For art, I’d love to see GLaDOS in one of her earlier robot bodies, or throwing herself a birthday celebration, or hosting a Halloween party. Malevolent GLaDOS looming above a pile of dubiously human bodies is, uh, also an image that just sprang into my mind. Oh dear.

Turret(s) - Poor things. So much potential for creepiness or cuteness, or both at once. What do the turrets get up to in their spare time, if they have any? What do they think about GLadOS, or working for GLaDOS vs Wheatley? Cute art of turrets performing their daily duties or dressing up for Halloween absolutely would not go amiss!

Wheatley - What can I say, he grew on me. I ship him with Chell and/or GLaDOS, but again, you don’t have to. Poor Wheatley up there on the moon... What’s it like to know that you were designed specifically to dampen someone else’s intelligence? Are there things Wheatley is good at that just go entirely against GLaDOS’ way of thinking? How did he get detached from GLaDOS in the first place? If for some reason he was invited to a Halloween party, and he had to attend in costume while still being a round little robot, what costume would he wear? 

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SUNLESS SEA

The atmosphere in this game is amazing! I'd love anything featuring the characters below that involves part of the canon tone, be it the creepy, whimsical, tragic, or whimsical-and-creepy-and-tragic-all-at-once.

The Bandaged Poissonnier - So affably sinister, and such an asset to the well-armored crew that finds itself at zee for months on months. Please, educate my captain on the nature of edibility! What is the most challenging item the Poissonnier has managed to render not only safe but appetizing? How does he feel about various ports? Was he ever a surface dweller, and if so, does he remember what that was like? Alternately: Daily operations of The Vengeance of Jonah? They must get plenty of characters there.

The Lady in Lilac - Creepy as hell. Is she real? Is she a shared hallucination? Is she a ghost? Is she a god? I’d like to know more.

Phoebe | The Scarred Sister - One of my favorite characters, and the one I always try to save. What exactly was going on at the house at Hunter’s Keep? Is she happier among the sisters at Abbey Rock or sunlit en route to Corinth? What is the nature of her bargain with Storm? I just am fond of Phoebe and want to learn about her.

Tomb-Colonist(s) - Just what precisely is their problem?! The Last Tour is one of my favorite quests; Venderbight is one of my favorite ports. Underestimated badass characters are one of my favorite tropes, and that is why I’ve requested the Tomb-Colonist(s).  

The Nacreous Outcast - That must be a terrifying existence! How did it feel for the Outcast to be generated? What are its thoughts as it roams the zee? If the captain chooses to lose against the Principles, how does it feel afterwards? What would it take for the Outcast to be truly, entirely happy as its own self?

The Pirate Poet - My favorite romanceable NPC! She is so cool! I’d love to learn more about her past with the Pianolist, or know an extra snippet of her potential night out with the zee-captain. Seriously, even the Pirate Poet’s thoughts on various ports would make me happy. If it matters, I ship her with a sympathetic Zee-Captain or the Merciless Modiste. (Or any nonbinary or female character, or Phoebe somehow if you want to completely blow my mind.)

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Congratulations if you’ve made it to the end :D

[kira-the-cat]

A Date With Markiplier: Expanded Edition

Fic will be under the cut. After doing the write up for Who Killed Markiplier, I decided to tackle a small part of that fun multiple choice series. This was a fun thing to do, so enjoy!

I took a deep breath and checked my watch as I approached the posh restaurant. I was definitely on time for my date, I was even a bit early. It had been years since I had last gone on a date with anyone but something about this guy in particular....struck me as special. And that was how I found myself here, after having sat in my car and freaked out for the last hour or so. As I entered I was greeted by a friendly doorman and an adorable waiter with electric blue locks.

"Ahh, bonjour!" The waiter said, ushering me into the dining area. "Your table awaits." I thanked him, making sure to slip a twenty into his apron, as I spied my date sitting in a lovely slate grey suit.

"Oh, hi!" He greeted, flashing me a charming yet loving smile. "I've got something for you." He reached into his suit and as if it were magic he produced, "A rose!" I giggled a little at the display. He was quite the charmer already, happily greeting the staff as they poured us drinks. "Bonjour! Bonsoir!" Once the wait staff had departed he returned his attention to me. "You look so familiar. Have we met?"

"No, but I feel like I know you as well." I said.

"Must be destiny." He said. Dinner practically flew by as we chatted and ate. "I can't wait to know you. But it feels like I might've known you for a long time."

"I feel the same way." I said as we ate our dessert.

"Either way, I can't wait to see what this date has in store." As we were talking, an imposing looking man, the head chef, marched over to our table and slammed down the checkbook. He grabbed my date by the shoulder, angrily glaring at us both.

"So who's gonna pay for this?" He asked, voice rough and sharp. My date began to pat himself down, searching for his wallet. But it seemed he didn't have it. Nevertheless, I had prepared for this scenario and flashed my Amex.

"I got it, don't worry." I said all smiles. I didn't mind paying, especially if he lost his wallet. It wasn't that big of a deal. The Chef's demeanor completely changed and he eagerly took my card to the register. My date however looked ready to drop from sheer fear, not that I blamed him.

"Thank you. I appreciate that." He said. "Okay, I've got more of this date to show you. We've got this awesome play to see. It's going to be incredible. Come with me..." I followed him outside and to his car. He held the door open and smiled at me. "Come on, we're gonna be late for the play! Hop on in, I'll take you there."

"Thank you." I said as I slid into the seat. He was so sweet, it warmed my heart. Guys like him were so hard to find nowadays. He got in after me and started the car and pulled out. The theater was thankfully just up the street so we didn't have to go far.

"Oh man, I've heard such great things about this play. I cannot wait." He gushed. "You're going to love it." He pulled up to the front where two valets greeted us. He handed one the keys and took my hand as we went inside. "It's so unbelievably good. I cannot wait for this and I just wanted to say thanks so much for coming out with me. I mean, you're beautiful. You're handsome."

"Hey I'm just glad we're having fun." I said. As we entered we were met by two attendees in the front lobby.

"Oh snacks! Hey, I know we just ate but I mean if you wanted a snack for the play..." He started patting himself down again, having forgotten that he had forgotten his wallet.

"Don't worry, I've got it covered." I said.

"Ooh, popcorn!" We both grabbed a container and headed towards the auditoriums. "Oh! This is perfect, we've got two plays to choose from. Do we see the romance "Love Too Soon" or the horror "The Dark Mark"?"

"Well, I've always been a fan of horror. The production values for those plays are always so much more interesting." I said.

"Good idea!" He said. "You know, I've never seen this play before. I don't even know who made it. Could be a fun adventure, let's give it a try." As he opened the door however, both of us stopped.

"Good luck." One of the attendees said with an odd look on his face. My date seemed a little creeped out by that.

"O-okay. Sure." He said said nervously. "Anyway, I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I am a patron of the arts. And uh, I certainly love new theaters, new plays, new artists, you know...it all just stokes the embers in my soul."

"I know just how you feel. I love the magic of the theater." I said. "It really brings you to life, so to speak."

"Anyway, I hope this is a good one. Any chance to spend more time with you is...good in my book. Take a seat!" We both sat down in the front row as the lights dimmed. "Oh! Its starting." I turned to the side and suddenly he was gone. There was a low rumble and the room started creaking and shaking as if it were going to fall apart and a coldness seeped into the room. The stage suddenly started getting farther and farther away from me, and a screeching sound started, slowly getting louder and louder and louder until it threatened to consume me whole. And then it all stopped and I was left in blackness.

"Did you miss me? I missed you. Very much." It was him, the one I had been searching for.

"Darkiplier." I said softly. All these years, and he hadn't changed a bit. Ninety years, and time hadn't even touched him. He still wore Damien's suit, still carried his cane. It hurt seeing it, knowing what he and Celine had become.

"I've been waiting a long time to see you again." He said, voice distorting as he seemed to flicker in and out of sight. "I've been pushed aside....replaced....Mocked. And then he had the gall to not invite me to his "little adventure" with you. No more. Never again. I T ' S  M Y  T U R N  N O W. I'VE BEEN WAITING PATIENTLY!"

"Cut the shit. We both know Mark isn't in control anymore. Neither is Celine or...Damien." I said. "You've been pulling the strings since 1928 and you haven't stopped pulling them. So cut the dramatics and tell me what's really going on!"

"HE PROMISED HE WOULD LET ME IN AGAIN!" He yelled at me, Celine's firey anger taking over momentarily before giving way to Damien's familiar, cold calmness. Something was wrong though...he did seem less in control than the last time I managed to hunt him down. Was Mark fighting back now that he was free of the manor's influence? Was it Damien? Or was this just another of his tricks? "I'm tired of giving people a choice." He straightened his clothes and sighed, regaining his composure. "But, I suppose I could give you one last option. Take your pick. Anything of four different choices. More than HE could've given you. And let's see how far down this rabbit hole really goes. So take your pick. Show me what you've got. And maybe...we'll have a good date after all."

"When did you become a game master, Dark?" I asked dryly. I had one choice to make, and if I wanted things to end right, on my terms, I knew I was going to have to play his game just a little bit longer. "I choose....freedom." I could see the slight confusion on his face at first before the mask slipped back on.

"Good choice. But why do we need to choose in life?" He asked. I clenched my fists. Only he would taunt me like that, he really did know how to cut me deep. Twisting Damien's own words against me was a new low however, but I hid my pain and sorrow. I didn't spend the better half of ninety years trying to get out of the manor to lose my control now. I barely blinked and we were suddenly sitting at an elegant dinner table. "If dinner is what you want then I can provide...And I can take you wherever you'd like to go..." His voice was soft, caring almost. If I didn't know any better I'd have sworn I was talking to Damien again. But it didn't last long and he was back to that nasty, biting tone again. "I can especially take you to the places where you DON'T want to go..."

"Why are you doing this? Why haven't you just killed me?" I asked, keeping my cool as best I could. "You could have absorbed me ninety years ago and yet you left me trapped in the manor instead."

"Its exciting..." he said simply. "knowing that there are endless possibilities...waiting for you..."

"I don't want your possibilities!" I snapped, pounding my fists on the table. "I want my life and my friends back! I want Damien back!"

"I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING!" He shouted at me.

"I DON'T WANT ANYTHING YOU'RE OFFERING ME!" We both stared each other down, decades of pent up pain and rage streaming down my face in hot tears. "I don't want a damn thing from you..." He sat back down, eyes cold and calculating a far cry from the once warm and tender look they held all those years ago.

"I've been waiting a long time to get some...personal time...between us..." He said. Suddenly he lunged across the table, grabbing me as dark, black irises stared me down and threatened to drag me to the deepest pits of hell. "THERE IS NOTHING YOU OR HE CAN DO TO STOP ME." I hadn't felt fear like that crawl up my spine since that fateful night and despite my previous plays and attempts nothing scared me like that look. Satisfied that he had put the fear of God in me, he let me go and simply glanced back at my chair. I quickly sat back down, trembling a little in fear. "So...now that we are here together...we should really get to know each other. You just need to let me in...its as simple as that..."

I felt my whole being shudder and suddenly found ourselves outside. "You're never, EVER, going to escape me. Not now, not--" He was cut off by...Mark?! Wait, did...did they some how separate? When? How?! Wait....Mark's body...it vanished from the Upside Down right before Celine sent me back and Dark was put into being. I always thought that, with Damien's body, the manor and the entity within it would just let Mark go and not resurrect the body. But apparently I was wrong. He must have lost his memories and been wandering about for the last ninety years on his own. Being stuck in the manor I had learned that it somehow managed to grant those inside it longevity the longer they resided within its walls. I had always assumed that with a new host body that it simply wouldn't work on Mark, the same way it didn't work for George, Abe and myself since the three of us had long since passed.

Benjamin and Chef were definitely affected as, when I saw them both earlier, they didn't look any older or worse for the wear even if they didn't recognize me. This was something I hadn't seen coming and I didn't know what to do as they both struggled in front of me and I lost track of which one was Mark and which one was Dark as they fought. One of them pulled a gun which the other knocked to the ground and I picked it up. I didn't know who to shoot. The one on the left...or the one on the right. If I shot wrong and one of them was Mark then he'd finally die once and for all and I wasn't even sure if a bullet could kill Dark and I wasn't sure if my sanity could handle it if I did manage to kill him. Neither choice was a good one. My hands trembled and I closed my eyes, aiming at the left. I squeezed the trigger and the gun went off. When I opened my eyes one of them was on the ground and the other was coming towards me. I held up the gun, ready to fire but he embraced me.

"You made the right call. Come here, it's okay. It's okay." He said softly, taking the gun from my hands and putting it on the ground. I trembled in his arms and he took me away. He took me to an ice cream stand, probably to get some for his nerves and to help keep the date thing up to keep me calm. "Oh man. I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

"I-I think I'm alright." I said, still shaken up.

"You had to kill somebody...I feel so bad." He said. "But hey, it's okay. We're here now, we can continue the date with some ice cream." He ordered two bowls from the server running the stand and lead me to a nearby table. "Just relax. We'll just enjoy some nice, dairy-based treats. And, erm, get to know each other...really, personally. Go ahead!" I glanced down at my bowl, and suddenly the sound of static filled my ears. I slowly glanced back up.

"Oops. Looks like you made the wrong choice. But now we are going to be together...FOREVER..." I chuckled a little.

"Actually....it looks like I made the right choice." I said, scooping out some ice cream and bringing the spoon to my lips. I was still trembling, mostly because I knew what he was capable of, but I didn't care. I knew I couldn't kill him. Not....not when Damien was still trapped inside him. It wouldn't solve anything if I had killed him. He cracked his neck, once again taunting me this time with the way he trapped me all those years ago. "I...I want to talk." He chuckled, apparently the thought of a simple chat amused him.

"You want to talk?" He asked in a mocking tone. "About what, your endless imprisonment here, together forever, with me?" He callously laughed, I should have figured he'd find some way to joke at my expense. But I was in no mood for jokes.

"I'm tired of this..." I said softly. "I'm so...so tired...So many years spent chasing each other in this game of cat and mouse...I can't do it anymore. I just want it to stop." I don't know why, but that seemed to anger him.

"It stops when I SAY IT STOPS!" He yelled, slamming his fists down on the table. Celine....so many years and still that impulsive fury existed even though she didn't. "You are MINE. Until I decide that I am done with you."

"Damien....please."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"You have to let me go, Damien. You have to let me fade away." I gasped as a hand wrapped around my throat and squeezed tight. "D-Dam-ien..." The look in his eyes...I'll never forget it. For all his bolstering about being the dark, brooding, angry yet simultaneously emotionless demon that he was there was something about his eyes that always betrayed something else. A flicker of genuine amusement or surprise. Sometimes I even saw Damien in them. But this...this was new. Sorrow. I didn't even know Dark was capable of that emotion. His hand trembled around my neck, the chill from his greyed skin sending shivers up my spine, as it tightened, making it harder to breathe.

"Why can't you see that...that I don't want to let you go?" He managed to get out through gritted teeth. He let me go and I swallowed several gulps of air as I trembled in my seat. I hadn't even realized he'd glitched himself into standing in front of me. This was such an odd sight to see him so subdued and yet still simmering with anger. "Why won't you let me in?" I clenched my fists, it was my turn to get angry.

"Let you in? Let you in?!" I spat. "I let you in NINETY GODDAMN YEARS AGO and you left me! You left me trapped inside that Godforsaken mansion with only the furniture as company! I went insane inside those walls! All those memories, all that anguish and sadness! I had to bear it all for NINETY. YEARS. Alone. In the dark. Its was so dark...so empty...I...I couldn't breathe." Tears ran down my face and I could feel him watching me. "I just wanted to go home! But I couldn't leave...not until I figured out how to get out of the mirror. And when I did...all I wanted was to just fade away but you wouldn't let me go. Neither of you would." I stood and raised my gaze to his. There was so much of Damien in those eyes, yet so little at the same time. It hurt, it hurt so much to see him that I didn't even think about the possible ramifications as I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. "Why did you leave me?! Why didn't you take me with you?!" I sobbed. He still smelled the same. That soothing yet sharp cologne he always wore, still somehow as fresh as ever. All my talk about letting go and I couldn't even bring myself to do it.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. What a vicious cycle this was. But I suppose it was a fitting one. Neither Damien nor myself were the people we used to be. We were vengeful spirits, clinging to one another and a life that no longer existed. Linked together by a demon wearing his face. I guess that's why it surprised me, when I felt hands plunging into my back and my very soul, or what remained of it, being ripped from me. I glanced up in disbelief. Were those...tears? I didn't have time to wonder long as everything around me faded to blackness.