#whenever i log on to tumblr i just lose motivation idk why.

[ototsukai]

i know i’ve already technically been on a undisclosed hiatus here but just to confirm it, i am on a hiatus + this also includes all my other blogs you may follow me on too!

[lizuchann]

Hello, There. It's been a while since I posted my art work. But today I'm gonna post a diary instead just to update how I'm doing lately and cheer myself up. :)

Today is the 5th day of Ramadan.

Idk why, whenever Ramadan comes, there is this blessed yet melancholic feeling inside me. Like I want to do things I used to do every Ramadan. It reminds me of my high school times, when my parents still had black hair, my computer wasn't problematic, my sister hasn't married yet, and I sat in front of the computer a lot to play Feeding Frenzy, Zuma, Osu, read manga, or open my Plurk and Tumblr a lot.

Lately, I even installed Tumblr after 6 years not logging in. It's so precious. I uploaded some of my arts that I drew on high school. Ramadan always gives me that nostalgic feeling idk why. Even I am writing a diary here right now.

Oh ya, I almost forgot to mention that I enrolled on a postgraduate school majoring Media and Cultural Studies. The preparation was so hectic wkwk, but I made it on time anyway. The announcement is around April 19. I don't know how to feel about this study plan. I'm either excited or anxious. I'm excited to enter college and gain new experiences, but also anxious about my health, adapting skill, and motivation. 

Some of my friends have entered that uni majoring Linguistics before me. I'm the only one who choose Media and Cultural Studies I guess. And unlike most of my friends who get master degree to gain higher salary or have a dream/project awaits them, I want to enter postgraduate school purely because of curiosity and the urge to learn more. Honestly, I don't know what to do next other than working (again). All I know is currently I want to be involved in **censored content**. And I still had no experience in it at all.

By the way, I also did my 4th rontgen a few days ago. I've been coughing for like a month and losing 3 kg of my weight by now. I'm still waiting for the result next month after Eid and currently swallowing some pills. My 1st and 2nd rontgen results showed that I had pneumonia. I wish nothing bad happens this time. 

I've been so anxious about my old days as well and feel like I can't forgive myself for being who I was, but then I read my old blog diary. It's like I'm having a conversation with my old self and now I want to hug her for entertaining the present me. 🤗 I want to eat well, sleep well, do more exercise, and manage my stress well. Hope everything goes well too. Aamiin. Yosh!