#when I feel like I Do understand what's happening so I cant trust my own brain anymore?? it's really frustrating and scary

[dragonfyre-creations]

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

[withonly-sweetheart]

Only Love Can Break Your Heart

You've had enough of not being your own person. You aren't a division of him, your husband, nor the women he sleeps with when he's bored of you.

a/n: if you haven't read the book by katherine webber GO READ IT NOW ITS SO GOOD I CANT EVEN WITH YOU !! this is inspired by that except married couple divorce not really uh yeah i needed to get those out of my system to work on requests!

tw: angst, no happy ending, mentions of smut, non explicit nsfw, mentions of drinking problems, alcohol, stuff yada yada

wc: 1.7k

When you called him from the city, you knew even despite his grumbling of the long drive, he would still make it. Still take his rusty old car all the way out here, just for you, to plead for your forgiveness. Without meaning to, you’d memorized every part of him.

That’s how you knew he’d changed.

The man sitting next to you, hands gripping the steering wheel tight, jaw set in parallel to the tight lines around his lips, pain coursing through the burnished planes of his cheekbones, setting flame to the skin you once longed to touch.

As you watch him drive, the silence between you feels heavy with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. You can feel the distance growing, like a vast chasm separating the two of you. His eyes, once the most gentle shade of the sea, now seem distant and guarded.

“Stop looking at me,” he grits out from behind his teeth.

“I’m not,” you say softly, gaze fixing on his hands.

“I can feel it.”

“Do you feel guilty yet?”

The edge of his lip curls. “No, because I don’t know why the fuck you’re mad at me!”

But he knows he’s lying.

He knows exactly what he did.

<><><><>

You thought it would be just another casual Sunday afternoon, popcorn punctuating the muffled TV in the other room. You kicked off your slippers, lounged carelessly on the couch, waited for Leon to come home.

But he’s three hours late, three thousand ticks of the clock away from when you expected him, and when he stumbles through the door, the only way you can tell he’s drunk is the slight lean he has, wobbling to the left as he slumps into your arms.

Your foot taps a rapid pace on the wooden floor, arms crossed, uninviting. You’ve been awaiting a drinking problem, you know his past, but you weren’t expecting it so soon.

First come the tears. Your husband is a dramatic man, and although you’ve waved off an occasional drink or two, the heartfelt apologies whispered between your thighs, he’s wasted enough to let those walls come crashing down, tumbling all around you, leaving only the remnants of the sea pooling in your sweatshirt.

Then, after he’s wiped his eyes and gained enough courage to look at you, come the profuse apologies that slip past his lips, wind down your shoulders and prod your chest, seeking forgiveness from your heart. So accustomed to the quiet, obedient life you had both been living, you don’t give it easily.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean to, I swear. I just couldn’t stop thinking that maybe it was you, and maybe our life is a bit boring, and maybe you do the same things sometimes and don’t tell me, and she said it was all okay-”

“She?” you interrupt, voice far too gentle. “Who’s she?”

"She... she was just a distraction," he stammers, his eyes pleading for understanding. "I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear. It was stupid, I know, please, don't leave me. I love you, I'm so sorry."

His words echo hollowly in the empty space, each syllable a dagger twisting in your bloody chest. Tears trace paths down your cheeks, rivers of sorrow as you look up at him, bleary eyed, trying to comprehend why he would ruin everything.

"I trusted you," you whisper, your voice barely above a broken sob. "I thought we had something real, something worth fighting for. How could you do this to us?"

His silence is deafening, a stark contrast to the cacophony of emotions that swim through your legs, rendering them useless. You feel lightheaded, dizzy, and some small part of you wants to blame yourself.

It must be your fault, the voice taunts, pleads, even. You were just too boring for him. You can change, can’t you?

You find yourself standing on the precipice of what could change your life, a rocky cliff, toes poking out against the edge. What would your life be without him?

"Please, it won't happen again," he pleads, his voice cracking. "I swear, I'll do whatever it takes to make this right. I love you more than anything, and I can't bear the thought of losing you."

A part of you longs to believe him, to cling to the hope that this nightmare could be just a momentary lapse in judgment, a cruel twist of fate. His fingers are creeping around your waist, snagging you like a fish on a hook.

In a way, you assume, you are as gullible as that.

With a heavy heart and a trembling voice, you whisper, "Okay, I trust you." The words taste bitter on your tongue, a bitter pill swallowed in the idea that you’re only trying to salvage what’s left.

But deep down, a seed of doubt blooms into a thorny vine that wraps itself around your wounded heart. Can trust truly be rebuilt from the ashes of his thin apologies, or are you simply setting yourself up for more heartache down the road?

You shake your head as he disappears into the bathroom and the sound of running water covers up your soft sniffles. There’s a determined, confident, trustful smile on your face that only seems slightly forced.

Leon’s a good man.

It won’t happen again. 

<><><><>

But it happens again, and again, until all you come home to is the draft blowing in through the vent and a cluttered house. You suppose you should be grateful you’ve never had children. It’s happened so many times.

And every time, you forgive him like a bitch in heat, like a teenage girl so desperate for him, for your fake image of love, even when you know he’s toying with you. Did he ever care? You fool yourself into believing that when he pushes you into the wrinkled, old cotton sheets, or when he buys you those fragrances you eye whenever he takes you out to shop.

You’ve forgotten the meaning of love, what it means to be cared for, how it feels to be cherished. In his eyes, those beautiful, sullen eyes, you are nothing but another responsibility, another burden, another chore.

You want it to stop. You want to stop feeling this way. So you turn the tables on him, that night, when the door creaks open and his footfalls echo through the house, it's empty.

There’s a note left on the table from you, signed in that sweet, loopy handwriting you thought he admired. Leon… blah blah blah, visiting friends, need some time to myself… all just empty thoughts from a mind that knows nothing but pain.

The letter ends up in the bin that day just before he calls one of the numbers saved in his phone. It lies there, forgotten, as the sounds of muted kisses seem to crinkle it even more.

<><><><>

You watch them in the taxi, through the camera you had set up in the houseplant that you knew Leon never bothered to look at. Is that all you are to him? A drooping aloe vera, lost all its nutrition and sun, useless?

They make out wildly, planting kisses everywhere, and you realize that maybe he never loved you to begin with. Maybe this was all just a joke to him. You can see the tray of cookies you made last Christmas, when everything seemed fine.

He had pushed you onto the island, crowding between your legs, grinning up at you. “You know I hate all that sugary shit,” he had whispered, nosing the area between your neck and jaw.

“Should’ve replaced it with salt, then,” you mumble to yourself, biting your lip to suppress the sob that claws at your throat. You exit the app, then delete it. 

You’re never going back.

Leon’s not a very good man.

<><><><>

Your nights are restless, tossing and turning, when your friend groans and flicks on the lamp, expression immediately softening at your pained eyes.

She gathers you in her arms, lets you cry into her, soaking up your agony. You’re glad she doesn’t chastise you, tell you how she had seen this coming ages ago. Maybe you should start listening to your friends when they warn you about men.

He tries to reach out to you, to bridge the gap that has formed between you both, but each time you pull away, walls impenetrable with your friend standing guard behind them. The ache in your chest grows with each passing moment, a constant reminder of what once was and what can never be again.

You start taking classes again. He had stopped you, deemed it was ‘unladylike’ to be studying. You had agreed with him like a fool, stupidly nodding your head to whatever came from his mouth.

Your friend is there through everything. You only wish you had told her how much you appreciated her help when you call Leon, ready to pry him from your thoughts.

<><><><>

You finally reach your destination, the weight of the unspoken goodbye hanging heavy in the air. You know that this is the end, that the love you once shared has turned to ashes. 

“We could’ve made it work,” he argues, once again, running a hand through his darkening hair. Everything about him seems somber now, more depressed. You suspect that the alcohol has finally caught up to him.

And faintly, with pride, you realize that you don’t care.

“You and I both know that’s a lie,” you seethe. “We were never going to work, because I will always be too boring for you. Just a toy, right? I’m done with your shit!”

You don’t let him get the last word. That would nag you far too much. So you walk away from him, from the image of you that clung to him every waking moment, your back a silent farewell.

If he had broken up with you, what, a week ago, you would be left alone with the shattered pieces of your heart, knowing that you might always be missing a piece of yourself.

But now…

Now?

You are whole.

[fairycosmos]

Hello

Long time follower. Big fan.

Umm i dont have any "real" friends and i feel like i have to vent about what happened to me with someone so plz bare with me.

Yesterday I was sexually assaulted. Outside my own apartment building by a man that is an "aquaintance" at most. I managed to get away by stepping on his foot and elbowing him in the stomach before it went any further. What sucks even more is that I live in a super conservative middle eastern country that has a society that loves to victim blame. I cant even go to the police cuz i have no proof and the sad thing is this the THIRD time in my life of 30 years where i get sexually assaulted. The first time was my cousin when I was 13 and the second time was someone who was a close friend when i was in my 20s. I feel pathetic and cowardly for not speaking up every time it happened. I know I cant tell my family cuz they are religious and all they care about is my "chastity" whatever the fuck that is and i honestly dont know what to do anymore.

Thank you for listening

🪽

hey angel,

i’m so sorry it took me a minute to see this, and honestly, i'm just fkn enraged that you're even in this position to begin with. none of this should’ve ever happened to you, and it’s so beyond messed up that you’ve had to go through it, and more than once, on top of everything else. first, i just want to say that i’m so, so grateful to you for opening up about it, especially when you’re feeling so isolated. it takes so much courage to even put this into words, and i’m honored that you trust me with it at all tbh. as much of an eye roll it is to hear, you’re truly not alone in this. and you’re definitely not “pathetic” or “cowardly” for how things played out or for not feeling like you could speak up before. the way you’re feeling is real, valid, and so understandable—especially when support and safety feel so distant.

it’s beyond unfair to be in a place where victim-blaming is such a huge part of the culture. to have to carry that, while being made to feel like you have to hide this, is an awful weight. but please know, this is not on you—none of it. the guilt and shame that the world tries to put on you is not yours, even if sometimes that feels impossible to believe. grounding yourself in the truth—that you haven’t done anything wrong, no matter how often you have to remind yourself—can be a solid step. and if you believe that for other people who've been in your shoes, then you must believe it for yourself too. ultimately, the shame belongs to the people who assaulted you and a world that hasn’t supported you the way you deserve. please don’t let their actions shape how you see yourself. your survival, your resilience, your courage etc that’s who you are.

there are a few places that might be able to give you some support, even if it’s from a distance. rainn.org offers confidential chat options and resources, and while it’s u.s.-based, it could still be useful if you need a safe space to talk. another is pandora’s project, a support and forum site specifically for survivors. they have spaces where people from all backgrounds, including those with similar cultural challenges, can connect. <3

if you’re open to it, a counselor or therapist who specializes in trauma and works online might be a good option, too. there are so many who understand the importance of privacy and safety in environments where speaking out can be challenging. the International Association for Trauma Professionals has a directory that could help you find someone who’d really get where you’re coming from and respect those unique challenges.

just remember, it’s okay to take this one step at a time. if all you can do today is share this with someone who cares, or offer yourself some compassion and grace to cry and breathe and be pissed and hurt and numb and upset, then that’s more than enough. i believe in your right to feel safe, supported, and heard, and there are people who genuinely want to help you get there, however and whenever you need.

sending you so much love and strength <3 if you need to vent or if you just need someone to talk to, please msg me any time. i understand what it's like to have your boundaries violated too and i know how lonely and painful it is to contend with it in your own head. x

[letters-of-libertas]

Energy to carry as a single childfree woman

Summary here

Be more self reliant

You dont have to do everything on your own but you need to be able to count on yourself because for the most part that's all you'll have even as you're around others.

Have more intent with actions

Time & energy is valuable. Where you pour these things into steer the course of your life. Give your time & energy to things that help you (and other likeminded women if you want). You dont have to analyse every action you take but occasionally check in with how/if the actions you're taking are helping to build a foundation for your life as a single childfree woman. Things like donating to female centric causes, improving yourself so you can give yourself (& other women) more, organising/engaging in female centric women only spaces - even if they're just online, goes a long way to set the scene. Even indulging in your hobbies. Dont waste your time on things that wont help you or your motives.

Be more resourceful

Contrary to popular belief this lifestyle isn't a walk in the park, there's a lot more you have to account for especially with a level of reduced support. Being able to adapt/improvise + think ahead to mitigate problems will serve you long term. Also generally building up your resources will make getting through hard times easier.

Living my truth > proving my truth

You dont need others stamp of approval to live this way - just get started ! Convincing others is a waste of time your actions (& results) will speak for you anyways.

Reduce giving benefit of doubt

I once saw a quote "giving others benefit of doubt has never benefitted me" and it rings so true. Giving people benefit of doubt rarely ever works in your favour, the red flags that are downplayed often come back to bite you when you least expect it so trust your instincts on matters. If something is off about something or someone; start backing up. Also pure naïvety is rare, people often know more than they let on so trust + act on your instincts on matters if something feels off.

Be proactive

Instead of just constantly reacting to everything around you; take action no matter how small, it'll pay off more than just outrage. Spend less time on social media reacting to the never ending evil of xys and spend more time building for yourself. Social media can be informative but it can also be an echo chamber that breeds reactionary politics which doesn't move things forward. Ik this is ironic because you're reading this on social media but I'm not saying get rid of it all, just reduce your time on it - particularly around reading & reacting to maIe evil. Focus on tangible things in your life you can control & build instead for yourself and womankind.

Invest in indifference

Taking everything to heart will hurt you. Constant anger/hatred to maIes & their bs is still centering them especially if all you do is react. I'm not saying completely ignore it as they target us & a level of awareness is important, but dont let these feelings consume you. Being indifferent will let you look at things at a face value & make more levelled judgement. It helped my mental health a lot in regards to the climate to grow indifferent, this includes towards maIe identified women and even other types of discrimination like racists, ableists, etc. All theory around maIe violence essentially boils down to them being dangerous parasitic terrorists to not be trusted. I move with this & go. I see through them, I dont argue or waste unnecessary emotional energy on them, I dont care for them to understand me, I dont care to prove them wrong (bc in the end it wont matter all you do is give them more cards to play with; this system isnt erected through logic but violence), I have other stuff in my life to focus on. I cant help the way the world is I can only focus on myself & my actions. Typically the best comebacks arise when you dont give a shit. It wont happen in a day but learn to manage your feelings. Be indifferent to what you cant control, flower what you can control. These comments from the female separatist subreddit explain this well.

Learn to prioritise

Contrary to popular belief we can't have it all. Some are able to do so because they've got wives or staff covering sectors of their lives so they can pour more time into other aspects of their lives like business or leisure. But you wont have that privilege rn so some things will have to take a hit. This is also why you need to be selfish with your time. Things like being resourceful to automate/delegate tasks will buy you time but it's still important to be selfish with your time because as you put time in one area, another area loses time. You need to pick what matters. You cannot give your time away to everyone; make time for yourself & your objectives.

Less theory more action

Having a basis of theory/belief is a good place to start but dont get stuck there.

It's okay to be wrong

Mistakes will be made. Experience is how we learn and grow. Go about your business unabashedly.

Obviously not an exhaustive list but these are some main points that come to mind.

[jumexju]

SUGGESTION

Pairing !! : Carl Grimes / Fem Reader

Fic Type !! : Headcanons, Fluff, Comfort

CW !! : canon typical mentions of violence/death, gn reader unless i specify otherwise, trauma/sa mentions

Summary !! : Just some fluff hcs about carl cuz i miss him

Notes !! : feeding carl fans after I finished the series like a year ago (bcs i rewatched it) (I love that white boy) enjoy lololol :3

✦ MASTERLIST

ᰔ if youre a melomaniac, carl would def be stuffing vinyls into his bag while out on runs just in case you happen to like the music (he gets happy when u get happy)

ᰔ carl n you def sit in his room just to listen to music (lowk parallel play)

ᰔ speaking of parellel play, hes a sucker for it !! you dont gotta be doing something together, even if the two of you are doing your own thing, he prefers having you near him while doing it

ex : he's reading comics while youre drawing/writing/etc

ᰔ carl likes hearing abt your hobbies and if you got the random knowledge flavor of the tism, he loves hearing the random knowledge you bestow upon him at the strangest times

ex : "carl" "yeah?" "did you know that playing instruments can make you smarter?" ".. how?" *proceeds to explain how the brain works*

ᰔ if you play an instrument, carl loves hearing you play songs you know or have even written yourself (hes your number one fan!!!!!

ᰔ if you wear glasses, you probably lost them/cant use them anymore since the prescription has to be updated. SO : carl would do his best to help you with that

ᰔ he'd read to you if your eyes get tired and describe sights to you if your eye sight's that bad (he finds you squinting adorable, but he wont tell you that)

ᰔ he rarely ever takes off his sheriffs hat but he finds it endearing when you take it off his head and put it on yourself (he thinks u look cute chat)

ᰔ if you love to read, carls bringing you books he found on runs and likes to have you read to him, esp if you have a good reading voice

ᰔ carl sometimes struggles with his self esteem which just got worse with the loss of his eye, because of this he feels real warm when you tell him he's pretty and cup his cheek like he's your treasure

ᰔ imo carl's a pretty shy guy so he doesn't really like any pda unless its like hand holding n stuff (love this guy fr)

ᰔ he does like cheek n mouth kisses but like not in public chat sorry but that boy has like a 6/10 rizz (teenage loser rizz fr)

ᰔ michonne teases him about his affections towards you and he gets all red n sheepish (i love you michonne), he also lowk rants about u to her

ᰔ he likes locking arms with u bcs it helps him walk straight n not bump into you (due to his eye screwing with his depth perception and coordination), but also cuz he likes feeling close to u

ᰔ he escapes to the forest with you to read or just explore outside sometimes

ᰔ basic but he lets you trim his hair if youre experienced in cutting hair (i.e : if you cut your own hair)

ᰔ carl sometimes doesnt like when people touch him bcs of what happened to him (s4 2nd to last episode) and he doesnt open up abt it, but if u ask him he'll tell u

ᰔ during those moments, he prefers to just lay his head on your shoulder and just be there with you thinking about nothing

ᰔ carl would listen to descendents so bad guys trust me

ᰔ stargazing with him is a dream

ᰔ if you have trauma from sa he makes an effort to understand you and tried to get you to be open and honest with him bcs it helps him better understand your situation

---- ok now for my alt readers ----

ᰔ if youre a metalhead, he finds it so cute when he sees you get all dark n immersed in the song youre listening to and if you sing it dramatically? he's filled with a tenderness for you

ᰔ if youre a music nerd he loves it when you tell him about the bands youre into and the lore !!

ex : "yeah Ozzy bit an actual bat once cuz he thought it was a prop, he had to go to the hospital after," "im sorry- he bit a bat??"

ᰔ yes its the zombie apocalypse but that doesnt mean you cant raid hot topic/thrift stores/abandoned shop for clothes slay !!! if you're goth, he wears your studded bracelets (they remind him of you)

ᰔ he also finds the music you listen to romantic and lowk endearing (joy division listeners wya???), probably makes you playlists in cassette form so you can both listen to them

ᰔ he'd let you paint his nails black sorry its the truth and he slays with it

ok im going to sleep

bye chat

[its-no-biggie]

thinking about joongdok in the early chapters......

rereading the orv novel and seeing things from yjhs perspective is so. augh. the first time you read it its soooo easy to trust kdjs perspective when he reads yjhs mind. his skill even tells him! "your understanding of this character is very high" surely hes interpreting him correctly :) then you read it again and realize how much kdj is filling in the gaps...... he expects yjh to be more callous, more jaded, more hardened than he actually is. hes been through 1863 regressions with yjh but this yjh is still only on the 3rd. and of course kdj learns this lesson himself much later on, but hes been misinterpreting yjh from the very beginning. hes just very good at justifying it.

this scene for example. (i am talking about the novel btw i just have. way more webtoon screenshots on hand. you understand.) kdj thinks it would be out of character for yjh to consider him an actual companion, so he rationalizes it. but once youre able to take yourself out of kdjs perspective, its really obvious by this point that yjh considers them companions??

he tested him with the sea monster (and waited by the river for 3 days for him to emerge, btw), and then again with the monsters in chungmuro. yes, he thinks about killing kdj quite a lot (out of caution) but its not like he ever follows through on it (something yjh from a later regression would be much less hesitant about). i havent gotten very far with my latest reread, but from memory - when hes paralyzed by poison he specifically asks for kdj. they fight side by side on several occasions, and specifically, kdj saves yjhs life multiple times. yjh criticizes him fairly often, but hes not needlessly cruel - just blunt. pointing out his flaws so he can work on them (and to keep him humble, lets be real). and of course, he desperately tries to save kdj when he gets blasted by 41!sys, and then flies into a mindless rage when kdj dies in his arms.

yeah, yjh isnt exactly upfront about his feelings, hes often off doing his own thing, and he gets PISSED when kdj manipulates him into doing his bidding (which happens fairly often in the early chapters) (he just wants you to communicate with him, damnit!) but like. its very very clear if you know where to look. and kdj DOESNT. but he thinks he does!!! augh i cant wait to get to the scene where they reintroduce themselves....... especially since its not like yjh knows kdj any better - he still thinks hes a prophet! there are so many levels of miscommunication going on here, but the important thing is. they care about each other. thats always what it comes down to, isnt it? they love each other. they want the best for each other. they would do anything to save each other. aughhhh orv.....

[dnfnoodles]

this wont be articulated the best, but yes every time something like this happens theres always a wave of "i hate men", "never trust men", etc. and as a trans man it just makes me feel very. odd about my own identity. because theres always an implicit, "but not you", and they dont say why, but it's obvious that it's because im a trans man, not a cis man. i dont know how exactly to put it all into words, and this can easily turn into a very long essay, but it all boils down to gender essentialism. it's like to them theres two categories, men and men*. they tie abusive and toxic actions to "real" or cis men but along with the traditionally masculine traits that i would actually like to embody. and because i was born a woman, to them i cant possibly carry the same capacity to harm as men, and apparently that separates me from the idea of men in their own head. i dont know, it just feels like people like that will never actually see me as a man the same way they do cis men. and if people are saying that being a man means you must also be abusive, then i dont want to be a man, or at least that type of man! i end up feeling like i need to pull away from my own identity, or to distinctly separate myself from it. like oh well, im not that type of man! but to them, "that type of man" is basically the concept of men as a whole. idk it all just gets so confusing whenever this happens. and yeah. this entire mindset is so horribly damaging to male victims it makes me very sad to see that people cant reflect on this even when they claim to care about victims.

I understand anon, that really really sucks. It’s definitely damaging for you and other trans people but also for cis men and women because it makes it seem like women aren’t capable of abuse which can be very damaging but is also dismissing men that are victims either of other men or women. It’s just not good for anyone. Remember that their view of men is not what defines you ❤️

[joesanrio]

Hiiii can I request a Jey uso X female reader where jey sees a post on social media saying reader is messing with Jimmy and it’s not true. But Jey still gets hot headed and stuff thank you ☺️

This!! I love this. I feel like I took this and ran with it- so please forgive me 🩷 a bit angsty :))

All over Twitter | J.U

Summary: Jey never liked how quickly he was bothered of something on social media, but he can’t help himself… especially when it comes to you.

Pairings: Joshua Fatu {Jey Uso} x fem!reader

Warnings: social media drama, delusions, arguing, cursing, stubborn!Jey, crying, bad angst (first time), rumors, mentions of cheating, not edited

Word Count: 1230

Ratings: Angst | 16+

———————————————————

Jey scrolling through his social media was starting to become a daily thing, especially since the Bloodline storyline was starting to pick up. As much as he hated how people depicted him and his talents based on the 30-45 minutes they saw him a week, he never reacted. He kept any bad energy they sent towards him to himself, and pretended like he didn’t even see it. That was until he came across a tweet that had to do with you and his twin.

The tweet had about 92k views already, and 40k retweets. It was a video of you and Jonathan meeting up late at night, hugging before entering a random building. There was no context about what was happening except the obvious comments of;

Nah imagine thinking your girl safe from your own twin 💀💀

I CANT- poor Jey 🥲💔

No cause what abt my girl Trin?!?!

That Y/n? Do she not know how Trin can get down…😬

He couldn’t help himself but to keep scrolling through the comments, looking for some type of reassurance that it isn’t what he’s thinking. Jey always thought he knew where you were and what you were doing, maybe he was too blind by a false sense of trust. “Y/n!” He calls for you from the living room.

Your delicate footsteps making their way downstairs to the man sitting on the couch, you couldn’t help but smile at the gorgeous man in front of you. “Hi Baby.” Your lips plump and glossy as always, wearing Jey’s shirt with your little shorts. He looks away as he can feel himself getting flustered by your appearance, remembering the things he just saw not even a minute ago.

“You want to tell me anything.” His voice deep and stern before he lays back against the couch, your hips swaying a bit as you go to sit beside him.

Your freshly groomed eyebrows now in a confused furrow, “I like your haircut… I mean they could’ve faded the sides better but—” Jey’s head immediately snapping towards you.

Going silent as he rubs the side of his hair down before adjusting himself in the chair. “It’s cute!” I reassure as a small smile forms Jey’s lips before the smile drops quickly. “Appreciate it but that’s not what I’m looking for.” His eyes boring into yours, uncomfortably. Your hands starting to fidget together under his intense gaze, shaking your head ‘no’.

A loud sigh coming from his mouth as he picks up his phone, Twitter immediately popping up on the screen. “Look.” He hands you the phone before crossing his arms aggressively, your eyes falling onto the dim screen. Playing the small clip of you and Jon, not understanding the big deal until you scroll down to the comments.

A small scoff leaving your mouth as you go speechless by all the assumptions, “Those people are so miserable.” You hand the phone back before looking at Jey’s serious face.

“So, it’s the people now? Not the fact that you and my damn brother sneaking around at night?” He sits up almost giving himself whiplash. Feeling your heart drop at his demeanor, you couldn’t believe that the man you left everything and everyone for is accusing you of. “Joshua. You’re kidding…” Trying to understand what he’s getting at, this had to be some type of prank.

April Fools was a couple months ago though, and we did forget about it. “This is a joke. Ha-ha so funny babe.” A sarcastic laugh leaving you forcefully as you notice Jey’s gaze not changing.

Noticing the deep breaths, he’s taking is starting to concern you, “I’m not joking, are you screwing around with my brother? My twin at that.” He speaks calmly. Your eyes going wide at the audacity, “Joshua. Don’t be fucking delusional- if I was going to cheat do you really think that I would go to your twin brother?” Your voice high-pitched unintentionally.

His head shakes before wiping his hands on the edge of his knees. Jey loves you too much to believe this, he knows you wouldn’t, you couldn’t do that to him. Something subconsciously is saying otherwise, the fact that he no longer knows where you were and what you were doing is making him upset.

“Do you know how fucking embarrassing this is for me. To find out that you going behind my aback through social media.” He says out loud, hands rubbing down his face in a stressed manner. “I didn’t go behind your damn back! They’re clearly just making stuff up.” Your voice in a defensive tone,

Jey’s gaze on you turning into disappointment making your heart drop. His heavy footsteps leaving you in the living room as he goes upstairs assumingly to your bedroom.

The tension surrounding you, sitting in the now quiet room alone. Heart racing and head spinning, you felt like you were going to cry at any moment. The fact that he wasn’t listening to you just hurt worse, never did you think that complete strangers would have that much of an impact on you and Jey’s relationship.

The loud slam of a door snapping you out of your trance, “Joshua! What are you doing?” jumping from the couch and heading up the stairs quickly. His figure passing by with a suitcase, not bearing a glance towards you. “I’m going to stay the night with… well damn I don’t even know because I can’t go to my own brother!” Jey shouts before throwing the suitcase onto the bed.

He always tended to be overdramatic especially in disagreements, but never to the point where he was leaving. “You’re fucking crazy! Nobody did anything, it was clearly taken out of proportion. Stop acting like that!” You could feel the tingly feeling of anger starting to spread through your body. “Y/n, then what the hell were y’all doing? Because I didn’t even know about you going to see him? He didn’t tell me either!” He shrugs his shoulders as he waits for your response.

“I- nothing! We weren’t doing anything.” You stutter knowing that he can’t know the real reason you were meeting with Jon. Not liking the answer, he heard, he goes straight to the closet and starts ripping shirts off the hanger, “I’m so tired of being second place. So tired of looking like a fool! You say you weren’t cheating but you can’t even tell me what you were doing?” His hands flying as he shouts angrily. Going completely speechless as you watched him continue throwing things into the suitcase, chest heavy, before breaking completely.

Tears streaming down your face uncontrollably, this is ridiculous. Multiple solutions rambling through your head as you stood behind the fuming man. “I can’t tell you. But I promise I wouldn’t cheat on you.” The words practically forming together as you can barely speak while trying to control your breathing. Jey turns around to see you looking like a complete wreck, his eyes softening.

“Then imma go until you can tell me. Simple as that.” He says as he zips up his suitcase, your eyes looking in a panicked manner as he grabs his wallet. “Joshua! Don’t you think this is a bit dramatic?” You sniffle as he rolls his eyes at you.

“Hell yeah. But rather be dramatic than sitting and looking like a fucking clown.” He exits the room without even looking back.

[caffinedragon]

He knows what happened, he just doesn't feel like anyone would care.

This is a little long but it has been bothering me after i have seen several posts on how Halsin didn't realize what happened to him in the Underdark.

I have a different opinion:

Have people ever considered that Halsin talks that way about his trauma because of how little he believes people would care, and not that he doesn't understand what happened to him?

Now, I am speaking from my own personal experience as someone who has faced a lot of trauma(Nothing sexual thankfully) and who has been put in a semi leadership adjacent position during or after experiencing it, and let me tell ya, you quickly learn how much of a one sided affair that is.

From a young age I ended up being the person everybody in my friend group came to for advice and help, something I had taken pride in. However, I wouldn't realize how lonely that was until I was in my early 20's when the first time I tried to reach out for a fraction of that help I gave out back I got a response along the lines of, "Your life is so much better than mine, what do you need help for?"

And do you know what that does to someone?

I will tell ya.

You shut the fuck down.

You feel like you don't have the right to reach out for help.

Your the strong one.

Your the one everybody needs to look up to.

Your the one everyone believes is unshakable.

You don't need help.

You can do this all on your own.

Sound Familiar?

I am not in the camp that he doesn't understand what happened to him.

It's been 200 years at least and he didn't live most of his life in a society with social rules, forced power dynamics and complex politics and gender norms.

He knows what happened to him was horrific and wrong.

He knows how nature works. He studies it.

I doubt he is ignorant of the fact that the mind and body can operate separately.

He wouldn't be able to control his wild shape otherwise.

He tells you how he feared for his life and wanted to escape.

He explains how he was biding his time in order to survive.

Ever hear of undercover agents getting too deep and forgetting they were undercover?

But, despite this, he has also been around people long enough to notice how people might perceive his story.

he has interacted with people long enough to know that not everyone would be understanding.

I firmly believe that he talks the way he does about his trauma because he knows how people not only react to his physical appearance, but how they view him as this wise and strong unbreakable leader.

He said it himself, "People who see someone my size don't think i can get hurt or have feelings."

He talks like that about it because he has been made to feel that no one would care if he actually broke down.

To be able to do that, you need to trust the other person not to judge you or blow you off.

It puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position.

A vulnerable position Halsin couldn't really afford to put himself in due to everything that happened after.

Unless you have been in that position, you have no idea how scary that is.

And the only way to change that, is to find someone or someones, that allow you to be weak in front of them without judgement.

Which, even in this day and age, is very hard to do.

I am lucky that i have my best friend of 30+ years who let me realize that i had someone i could be weak in front of.

Halsin doesn't have and i think has ever had someone to be weak in front of by the time of the start of the game.

I know how hard it was to let my walls down at 36.

I cant imagine how hard that would be at 350.

If he can at all.

tl;dr: Halsin knows what happened to him was awful and horrific. He just believes no one would care if he spoke about it seriously because "People believe someone my size cant get hurt or have feelings."

[gliphyartfan]

Hi I saw your last headcanons about The heroes joining The Villains to take down Hylia for readers sake(I really liked The headcanons, They were really good) But i have my question about The zeldas, I cant stop thinking that They would get an interest in The Reader (Maybe Platónic, maybe Romántic Is up to you) And I cant stop thinking that they Would join The chains plan to take down Hylia(Maybe The Make a truce with The chain to take down Hylia with The less count of possible deceased people to finally kill The Villain) I dunno i had this idea and I had to say it, hope you have a nice day

First off…I’m not much of a fan of the princesses…

BUUUUT, I can accept coming up with ideas about them for others…BUT NOT OFTEN!

Anywho I haven’t put much thought on all of them so I’ll just do a few. Sorry 😅

Sun wouod have the most complicated feelings here since she’s literally Hylia reborn as a mortal. Her interest in Reader would likely be tied to a deep guilt and sense of responsibility, she’s living with the burden of what Hylia does to Reader. Yeah the Hylia that did it is FAAAR into the future, but it’ll a version of her who no longer is SUN.

She probably sees helping the Chain as a way to make amends, even if it means going against everything she was once meant to represent.

She probably sees Reader as almost sacred and feels like she owes them something she can’t fully repay.

She wants to protect them, and there’s this raw, almost reverent quality to it. She’s the one who might pull Reader aside to give them quiet reassurances, to show that she’s on their side despite the history that hangs over her head.

Some of the guys, like Time, Legend, and Warriors, maybe Wild might not fully trust her, understandably so.

They’d question her motives and wonder if, when it comes down to it, she’d side with Hylia.

Sun would be determined to prove her loyalty to Reader, and that might lead to some pretty heated arguments, especially with heroes who are cautious around her.

Artemis wouod be all about strategy really teaming up with the Chain as a logical choice to take down Hylia, not just for Reader’s sake but also for the sake of her people. Considering hers is literal a war-torn era and even if the timelines were repaired, the damage the war did to HER era specifically is still there .

She’s not sentimental about it; she just wants to get the job done with minimal fallout.

Buuut seeing how devoted the Chain is to Reader, she’d definitely gain a lot of respect for Reader.

She’d have a lot of admiration for Reader, seeing them as almost warrior like in their own right. She’s drawn to how Reader stands up to things way beyond their control and keeps pushing back. There would be no flowery language from her; she simply respects Reader, and it shows. (Friendship no jutsu will happen eventually, it just takes time for her to warm up to Reader.)

Tetra would be in this for her own reasons, but helping Reader aligns well with her goals. She, like Wind, isn’t familiar with Hylia but seeing the Chain actively fighting against her is all she needs to dive in. Especially when she warms up to Reader. She’d be on board to take Hylia down without a second thought.

She would be egging the Chain on to take bold steps against Hylia. There’s no hesitation on her end; she’d be telling them, “If you’re in, go all the way.” Her approach would definitely add some urgency to their plans, maybe pushing the Chain into action when they might otherwise hesitate. (She’s a pirate, what do you expect)

She’d be the semi-tsundere, definitely would warm up quickly to Reader, especially if Reader adores her pirating stories or genuine is interested in learning how ships works.

Aurora probably the most lowkey out of all of them, but don’t underestimate her. She’d see the Chain’s determination and want to support them out of a genuine belief that Reader deserves a better fate.

Her relationship with Reader would likely be gentle and kind, she’s the one offering small comforts.

She sees something special in Reader’s humanity and probably feels they’ve been through way too much already.

She’d be the one who connects with them in quiet moments.

She’d mediate between any Zeldas who don’t see eye to eye. If Artemis is pressing for strict strategy while Tetra is pushing for impulsive action, Aurora would be the voice of reason, urging a balanced approach to keep them all on track

And….thats all I could come up with. Sorry I couldn’t think of the others. I may come back to this later if I think up more.

(I won’t mind writing for the Zeldas. It’ll just take some time 😅)

[butmakeitgayblog]

how do you think clarke would have let lexa know she still had feels for her and loved her if they hadn't had to separte, they had more time together. im really curious was it sometime during the night clarke lays awake and cant shake the feeling she just needs lexa, like really needs her affection rite down to the core or would it be clarke just randomly kissing lexa because shes being all heda and she just cant help herself. i mean come on we all know lexas not going in for the kiss first this time she said she wouldnt and she all afraid of clarkes boundries now.

Ya know. That's actually a good question. And I think if you asked a dozen people in the fandom you'd probably get a dozen really different answers, but I think in my mind and just how Clarke conducted herself, I don't think she would've gone for it any time soon without there being a tipping point.

Because the thing is, Clarke is stubborn. She is bull-fuckin-headed. God love her, she's a precious little shit. Ya just wanna firmly sandwich her face between your palms be like, ".... let some shit go sometimes. Also, you're allowed to want things for yourself. Now stop bein' a dick."

So with that understanding - that she is stubborn and will hold a grudge wuh-haaay past when it's time to let it go - I have to say that no I don't see her really being completely and openly honest with Lexa about her feelings until given a clear impetus to be so. There always had to be a push for it to happen.

Having to go back to Arkadia and possibly never seeing Lexa again, seeing Lexa so resigned to the fact that they may never again get to have that kind of closeness or intimacy in their goodbye (as fleeting in that moment as it felt), knowing that they may never see each other again or if they do it could potentially be on opposite sides of the battlefield, the fact that it was Lexa who pushed forward and let slip "That's why I—..."

Those were all a storm of emotions that emotionally pushed Clarke into acting on her feelings.

Without that, I don't think she would've done it any time soon.

Because it was obvious Lexa had already done damn near all she could to earn Clarke's trust back. Clarke even understood the choices Lexa had made by that point. Had literally mirrors them herself despite, stubbornly 👀, trying to push the blame off onto Lexa's shoulders as a coping mechanism. They were rebuilding all the pieces of their relationship, but every 2 steps forward, Clarke would always take one step back. She always kept that distance. Always keep Lexa at arms distance.

This scene right here is the epitome of Clarke being Clarke

I mean goddamn girl. They had just spent the afternoon together. Clarke had sat and physically comforted Lexa after her nightmare. She'd drawn her sleeping and held that trust in such a vulnerable state. And yet, when Emerson attacked and Lexa moved to not only protect her but to comfort her by merely touching her and helping her up, Clarke recoils and harshly rejects her. Leaving Lexa startled, and confused, and hurt despite her immediately accepting the rejection, because... well, look at what they had just shared. That afternoon, those moments, they had meant something.

But that's just what Clarke does.

It's just who she is when she feels like her trust has been broken. Despite all the pieces being there for Clarke to move on from the anger she was already having a hard time hanging on to anyway, she still did hang on to it, because she's a stubborn little asshole (affectionate... mostly) in that way

That being said... if they were given A Lot more time for Clarke to pull her head out of her own ass and move on and actually allow herself to be happy within this world of chaos, I think it would've been more of a moment of Lexa just being Lexa, rather than Heda, that would've finally knocked down those few remaining bricks in Clarke's wall.

Because, while I think Clarke was attracted to Heda and Lexa as Heda and all that she embodied in those moments, truly I think Clarke fell in love with Lexa as just a person. The girl beneath the armor. And, imo at least, I think that's an important distinction to make. And I think it was an important distinction for Clarke too.

So do I think it would've been some moment of Lexa being entirely ~too Heda~ and Clarke just smooching her face off? Honestly, no. While that would've made for a fantastic moment to watch 🥵, I actually think it would've been a quiet moment of Lexa just being Lexa. Her saying or doing something with more meaning or emotion or vulnerability than she normally does. A moment of her showing Clarke yet another piece of that girl hidden beneath the sash of her duty that just hit her like an arrow right between the cracks of Clarke's already crumbling resolve.

But either way, emotional or situational, there'd always have to be a tipping point.

[ninyard]

Okay I NEED some Allison headcannons

Here’s some ideas if you need any lol:

Like how does she help Neil feel more “normal” after everything that happened? I feel like Matt, Dan, and Renee would probably walk on eggshells around him for a while, even after Nathan dies and the championship game and everything, cause now the adrenalines over and now they have to deal with the aftermath. I feel like Allison would just treat him normally. Not unkindly, but give him a sense of normalcy, yk?

favorite ice cream flavor

How does she react to Seth’s death post-aftg? How do the rest of the Foxes help her process her grief about Seth? Cause from Seth’s death to the last championship game is about 8 months, and death (especially of someone you love) doesn’t just go away like that fast ofc

Favorite brands? (She definitely owns AT LEAST once juicy couture set)

Music taste?

How do you think her relationship is with the other foxes? What are some things that she talks about and does with one person, but might not do with another?

How motherly she is with Neil. Seriously we all know she dragged this boy by the ear to the mall so she can buy him some real clothes.

Some chaotic Allison cause this bitch (affectionate) definitely has done some crazy, weird shit

Girls night with The Girls!! (And Neil, he’s an honorary member)

her friendship with Andrew (srsly i so hc them being friends..they’re both judgy rude bitches (in a good way) so there’s no way they’re not like..secretly watching shitty reality tv together)

Sorry about how long this is! Make sure to go eat and drink some water Nin :)

-💜💜✨

YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME bc now i just. want to write about them all so

I feel like Allison wouldn't tiptoe around the things Neil's been through or done. She's been straight up with him before about all of his lies and how she doesn't/didn't trust him, so I think if there's something on people's minds, she's not going to step around it or avoid the elephant in the room. If she's pissed, she'll tell him. If she doesn't understand something, she'll say it. But I think Neil would appreciate that more than knowing people are talking about him but won't just come up and ask him something themselves. It'd feel more normal if she addressed it, rather than just leaving a tension in the air/nobody feeling like they can joke about it or anything with him.

Some sort of sorbet. She used to say something like lemon, but truth be told her favourite is raspberry.

God, grief works weird. I think she cried. A lot. I think she spoke to Bee about him a lot, and I think every time she heard his name or saw his picture it was like she was finding out he was dead all over again. I think it was really, really hard for her. As much as they fought, as much as they broke up and got back together again, he was her rock. He was all she had, he knew her. She doesn't really have family to rely on, she can't call her mom or dad up to be like "My boyfriend died and it's destroying me". I think it was a very lonely time for her no matter how much the team insisted they were there for her. (I would worry about her recovery in the immediate aftermath of his death - I like to think that Abby was really looking after her for those first few weeks to keep her on track and make sure she was being safe and kind to herself)

Youre SO right with the juicy couture. That's just such a given when it comes to this series. Maybe she wore Abercrombie and Fitch too but i don't really know any other brands from 2006 oops

She's a bubblegum pop girly i think. Probably fucked with Avril Lavigne and Rihanna at the time. In my head she's a girls girl so Kylie, Britney, Fergie, P!nk and Beyonce. All the ladies like that.

I've mentioned my thoughts on her and Kevin before and how their relationship as friends develops post-TKM but as for the others. I think Dan, Matt and Nicky are the ones she's closest with, but the first one she'll call for advice is Renee. I feel like Nicky is literally like her gay best friend and they're ALWAYS arm-in-arm. If she needs someone to go shopping with it's always him. They're always bitching and gossiping. Her and Aaron aren't very close, especially considering the choking incident, but I feel like they still appreciate each other on the court and still with hug and congratulate each other when they do well. I don't know about her and Andrew either. That's a tricky one, also considering the choking thing, but I know she's also not afraid of him, either. She sees what he did for her after Seth's death, and so that have a sort of mutual respect, but I don't think they're exactly friends. I feel like her and Neil would be pretty good friends, but aren't exactly going out of their way to hang out with each other.

I LOVE how much she cares about Neil. I think he's cute to her. I think she literally wants to pinch his cheeks and cuddle him even though she knows everything about his past and what he is capable of. He has that Wesninski smile and she's like AWWWW

Like. Listen. I do feel like Allison can be NUTS. I feel like if she didn't restrain herself she's the kind of girl to key someones car for cheating on her or pop someones tyres because they catcalled her. She'd fight anyone on a night out to stick up for her friends, even if she's just about blackout drunk, she's ready to fight. I feel like she's had one of those movie moments on the court where she screams. Like you know what kind of scream I'm talking about. One of those movie girl screams. She can be a total cunt if she wants to be. But most of the time she doesn't

okay i want to write more about the last two but im trying so hard rn to clear my inbox and drafts because i feel like so many ppl think i'm ignoring them so i will leave you with these few thoughts on Allison <3

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

i am a SUCKER for Dad Joel. was thinking maybe a pre pandemic story where reader and joel are trying for another child but cant so they adopt ellie (bc let's face it sarah and ellie would have ruled the world together)

*absolutly love your work babes 💕*

Thank you so much, darling! I'm glad you've been enjoying it. I did just melt my own heart writing this. 🤍🥺😭

I feel like it would be solid two years after the wedding. You had started trying even way before that but it never worked. No matter what you tried and trust me on it you two tried everything. Joel spent his breaks flipping through different magazines and books looking for any new ideas on how to get pregnant. But nothing happened no matter the acrobatics you two get on to. Money was tight as it was so getting through IVF or even getting you both properly tested for now was out of the picture. So you had given up on the idea of having your kids.

Joel could tell that it had started to weigh on you even if you tried to hide it and smiled through it. The smile was fake, Joel knew it. He had heard you crying for weeks at night. Alone in the bathroom. Thinking that Joel was asleep and you were safe to let your guard down. But he heard it all. You soul-crushing sobs, that even an open tap couldn't muffle out. He had wanted to bring it up multiple times but somehow he felt that it would only make it worse.

"Is everything okay with mom?", Sarah had asked him one morning when you didn't come downstairs for breakfast. Joel stiffened for a moment, "Of course hun. Why are ya asking?". Sarah's eyes were on the plate. She was old enough to understand when things weren't okay back at home. She also had grown up with you by her side so she knew you. "I just... Do you know that mom's been crying a lot lately?", Sarah didn't dare to meet her father's gaze and Joel in a way was thankful because he knew that the look on his daughter's face would have broken him. With a sigh, he pushed the skillet away from the heat.

"You know... We've been trying to get you a sibling", Joel said while pulling out a chair, Sarah instantly looked up with that hopeful gleam and Joel had to clench his jaw tightly, "But I'm afraid we won't be able to".

Sarah shook her head, "Why?", "We don't know. The doctor thinks there might be something wrong..."

A part of Joel felt weird explaining it to Sarah but they were so close. You all had been. You all talked about anything and everything, there were few to no topics that you all haven't discussed together. "But...", Sarah trailed off, "Mom will be okay?" Joel wished he knew an answer to that. The truth was he didn't. He wished he could make it better. Help you fulfill the desire of becoming a mother. "We just need to give her a lot more love now. Show her how much we appreciate her", Joel ran his fingers through Sarah's hair, as she bit her lip, "Can we make her breakfast in bed?", she suggested and Joel couldn't help a smile that spread across his lips. He knew that you two had done a wonderful job raising Sarah, "We sure can, baby girl".

They had done just that for the next couple of months. Joel had found a way to take a couple of days off. Taking his little family on a little road trip. As you all went on a hike, camping by the lakeside, enjoying the peace and quiet. Yet the biggest gift to Joel was seeing a smile on your face once again. A smile that reached your eye as you and Sarah sat in a flower field making flower crowns. Crowns that Joel happily wore as you both giggled away.

Sarah found you sat by the kitchen counter, biting your lip nervously as you looked through a pile of papers spread across the counter. "What are you doing?", her voice made you jump slightly as you turned to her. Shaking your head slightly, "Come look at this", you moved slightly, making space for her. Sarah frowned slightly not understanding what she was looking at. "Adoption options", you said to her quietly, "They send over a couple of matches for our family". Sarah scanned over the pictures splattered around. Taking a hold of the only baby picture there. Ellie the name tag read. Sarah turned to you, "She just got placed in the adoption facility. Her mother died while giving birth to her", you muttered. "Are we going to meet her?", your daughter's question took you by surprise slightly, "Would you want to?", Sarah nodded her head in agreement. "We'll talk it through with your dad then".

You were rubbing your hands together nervously as you drove to the adoption center. Joel was quick to place a hand on your thigh, slowly stroking your skin. "Breathe, gorgeous", he said softly, "What if she hates us?", you muttered, turning to him slightly, "Love, she's just over five months", "Yes, but she could still hate us. Hate me". Sarah reached out her hand towards the front seat, placing her hand onto your shoulder, "Mom, you are the best. I doubt there's a single soul who hates you". Joel hummed in response, "I agree with our mushroom over here", Sarah gasped, "Out of all the nicknames...", "You prefer fishy better?", Joel teased, making Sarah cross her arms over her chest as she sat back, "I will turn my sister against you and then we'll see who will be a mushroom", she said, making your heart skip a beat that she was already referring to her as a sister.

The time spent in a hallway felt like a lifetime. You managed to sit for the first five minutes but then your nerves got the best of you so you opted to passing the corridor. Sarah was invested in all the little cards and buckles on the table. Joel stood beside you. Arms wrapped around you as he occasionally pressed a kiss or two to your shoulders or neck. In hopes of making some of the nerves melt away. To remind you that you were in this together. That he was here. Like he have always been. And no matter what happened you three were going to get through it.

"The Millers?", a lady called out making you spin towards her in an instant, "Nice to meet you, I'll be supervising you today". She went on to explain how everything usually worked around here. The number of times you would have to come by and see Ellie before they would issue a statement allowing you to adopt the girl if that ended up being your final destination. But you barely heard any of it. Thankful for Joel who kept the conversation going, noting the most important things. Light cries filled the room as you four stepped inside, the desire to soothe the babe instantly blossomed inside you.

You stepped closer to the crib, "She's fussy today, so don't let it set you off", the lady said moving to reach for her but you quickly cut in, "Could I?". The woman only smiled, allowing you to carefully pick the fussy little girl up, as you held her closer to your chest. "Hi, baby girl. I know, I know that it's so scary", you cooed at her, brushing your thumb over her flushed cheek, "But I've got you, sweetie". Ellie's cries died down almost in an instant, her big eyes now staring up at you. You rocked her gently in your arms, smiling at her softly.

Sarah stepped closer to you, moving to look at the bundled-up baby. She took the backpack from her shoulders, reaching in to pull out a tiny dinosaur. She looked up as if asking for permission to also approach her. You moved down to sit on the chair that stood by the crib, allowing Sarah to see Ellie better. She wiggled the stuffy in front of the baby, making different sounds that eventually had Ellie flashing a gummy smile at her.

Joel watched you two from the side. He never doubted Sarah being an awesome big sister. That kid had so much love to give as it was. He knew that sharing it with someone else would have only made his little sunshine happier. But it was you who had Joel captivated. The way your body instantly fell into a motherly state. A wave of proudness washed over him. That was his wife there. Cradling a baby to her chest.

"Dad you should hold her", Sarah said, stepping to the side as she watched her father who had been lost in his mind. "Let your mother bond with her, sweetheart", he said softly but you shook your head, "She's right, you should hold her. She's been looking at you for a while now", you said, standing up carefully. Joel realized just how long it had been since he had held a baby. And his mind instantly jumped to a thousand and one ways that he could hurt her by accident. Support the neck, he told himself, don't press too hard, just hold her steady.

But the moment Joel felt the weight of her in his arms. With you still standing close to him. As Ellie gripped onto your finger. Joel suddenly felt complete. As if this wiggly worm in his arms was exactly what his family had been missing. The warmth of his body soothed the baby and after a close inspection of the man holding her, Ellie's eyes started to grow heavy. "That's a big yawn, baby girl", Joel muttered quietly as he carefully brushed his hand over her head. Sarah walked closer to you two, wrapping her arms around you both, and resting her head on Joel's side. You four just stood there for some time. Joel rested his head onto yours, as the baby between the two of you drifted into a calm sleep. Not a single drop of worry in your body. The lady stood there with a pleased smile on her face, knowing full well that you three were going to give Ellie the best and most loving home she could ever hope to get.

[warringwarrioridiot]

hi i dont know if you take requests im so sorry if you dont but can you do like immagine if kokushibo adopts a 16 year old and they try to take her away cause they think he kidnapped them and they try to jump cause she just cant stay away from him (can be any gender sorry if this sounds dump or idk)

OGHDHSHSUS OMG OMG MY FIRST KOKU REQUEST

*happy feral Italian noises*

YOU BET YOUR ASPHALT ILL DO THIS!

Platonic Kokushibo with Teen! Fem Reader.

C-Warnings: Mentions of Kidnapping, Running away, Fem reader, I don't have a lot of Koku images so bare with me, shitty home life, language, etc.

__________________________________

You came from a shitty house, and I mean shitty. (Talking about constant fighting and shit)

So you ran away from home, not being able to take the nagging and guilt-tripping anymore.

You stumbled upon Kokushibo, and immediately realized you were going to die.

You were just about to embrace the bittersweet feelings of death when

*Shink*

Long story short, Kokushibo couldn't bring himself to kill you, and he didn't know why. (He still doesn't.)

Kokushibo offered to take you in, and lets just say that you made a good choice saying yes.

He managed to find an abandoned house nearby, where he provided essentials and a warm home, something you barely remember having.

__________________________________

Kokushibo is actually a very good dad, being able to cook and teach you things.

He refrained from eating people in front of you, not wanting to scare you away.

You obviously knew he was a demon, but he still refused.

You genuinely cared for him, and he cared for you.

Unfortunately, the shitty family from before didn't realize that you ran away, and assumed you were kidnapped.

So they searched for you, aka paid someone else to search.

I told you they were shitty.

Now Kokushibo, being the Chad he is, didn't want to traumatize you by killing the hired searchers. (is that a word? Idk)

Instead, he took you and ran down to another abandoned house, and managed to keep the same warm household you and him shared.

Now remember, this is fem reader, so you have a thing called a POOSAY, and a period.

And he kinda freaked out inside, not really understanding what to do-

Bros face was just 🗿

But he grew his balls back and figured it out, thank God.

__________________________________

When Muzan found out about you, it made Koku melon panic, but the smooth criminal himself was just like:

"Just do your job, and nothing will happen to her."

Aka, Muzan favs him, and probably trusts him enough to do his job.

Bro is very suspicious of Douma being around you.

He's genuinely afraid that Douma might hurt you, or worse.

Same thing with the Mutated Baby, Gyokko.

(Kokushibo was cracking up inside when you called Gyokko that.)

He trusts Akaza, knowing he won't lay a hand on you due to his own morals.

He maybe lets him and Nakime babysit you when he's not around.

(dunno about the others)

in the end, Kokushibo's an excellent dad. I don't think you wanna know what happened to your shitty family.

__________________________________

[splatattackz]

and, springing off of my last post, heres a greater post talking about ramon and his relation with lying and secret-keeping - because, in my opinion, its a topic that needs to be known to better understand his character as secrets are a big part of his family.

ill place the talk under the cut so this post doesnt take too much space :)

"just [to] let u know, i trust u even in the dark"

ramon trusts fit. a ton. and theres nothing that could ever change that. he trusts what is kept secret is best kept this way. its why he wasnt as persistent to know about the contract, even if he knew there was lies and secrets at play that he hated. he trusted him. and that trust only grew when fit trusted him enough back to tell him a little bit of the family secret (the contract).

but, despite this trust, ramon also loves fit all too much. its why he gets so defensive when fit tells lies to him. ramon is a very observant boy. he knows a lot of things he shouldnt because of this. as fit once said, "the kids too damn smart for his own good". no lie leaves his detection because he can always tell the way people shift and change when theyre fibbing. but he doesnt push or prod on the matter usually. unless its fit. because he loves him too much. he needs to know whats going on with him. if he doesnt know, how can he help and protect him? its a reason he hates it when fit mutes, too. he always feels like fits keeping a secret from him when it happens.

i remember one time they were working on ground zero (i think it was the last time they worked on ground zero) and fit was fretting over his contract and ramon made a joke about how he acted like he would die if he didnt fullfill the contract. and fit laughed and said "no, ramon, i wont die." and then muted and said smth like "itll be much worse than death". and ramon noticed fit muted and got very upset. he basically threw a tantrum over it and wouldnt talk to fit until he told him what he was keeping secret. ramon said he was upset because the topic at hand (fit dying) and the fact he muted didn't spell anything good.

"if u tell me i [either] [lose] everything or u, i would choose [to keep] u"

something ramon said to show how much he cared for fit and how that care is why he was so upset. eventually fit did tell him and even told him more about what it meant if he didnt fullfill the contract - that if he failed, he would be trapped in the wastelands forever with no escape. and that this contract was his only chance at a semi-normal life.

but otherwise, ramons relation to lies and secret-keeping isnt negative. he has told lies and has kept secrets himself. hes no stranger to it. and he even keeps fit in check about the contract when he wants to tell other people things. i remember when fit found tazercraft in the prison he wanted to tell phil but ramon stopped him and told him some things are best kept secret. and, while this was mainly a very hrp response bc the admin wanted to let the duo solve the puzzles, he made a good point of if he trusts phil enough with this maybe he should tell him about the contract too. to which fit said "no, hes not ready to know about it yet". and, again, when ramon first built the satellite for the second attempt at contact, fit wanted to tell phil where he would be in case anything happened. and, again, ramon stopped him and reminded him if he wanted to do that then he'd have to tell phil everything. and the convo ended there.

(its no coincidence that fit told phil about the secret bedroom with ramon not around :] the baby boy cant keep him in check with that stuff now..)

ill stop the post here before we are here for hours but. i needed to talk about one of ramons most interesting aspects ajaja i hope you enjoyed the little ramble

[malevolent-misfortune]

Fallen Dreamer [PAST EVENT]

TW: Gore, description of wounds/injury

A being of pure hope, a savior, it's what she was made to be. Created to bestow hopes and dreams upon mortals. Her dream realm perfectly reflected what she was bound to do, the endless sky being littered with dreamy clouds and stars; a bright and colourful place which she never left.

With the powers that she'd been granted along with her creation, over time she learned how to create with it, making her own beings here so she was never lonely. With them, she would dance and play constantly, never bored. Even when she wasn't doing anything with her creations, she'd still enjoy watching them run around the realm to their own devices.

Even before them, she was never exactly alone. The Great One. A giant tree, bark like oak, and crimson leaves sprouting from the ends. It is what gave creation to her, the being of dreams being fully connected to it.

Though, as time passed, and as her powers grew, she soon became so much more powerful than her creator. Oh and how The Great One hated seeing it's own creation surpass it.

It was a GOD. It could create life to anything it wanted. It should've expected to see this savior grow to be just as powerful, yet it still despised it. It's own hatred and jealousy molding the god into a parasite, succumbing to it's very own malice.

Even with the Dreamer's connection to The Great One, the corruption went unnoticed by her. Until one unfaithful day, her own ignorance towards the god would cause so, so much to happen.

She walked up to it, lightly bouncing in her steps as if she was walking on clouds. The stars that followed her around gracefully flowing right behind her. "Great One, how may I be of service of you today?" Her voice just as soft.

"Dreamer.. I have one last thing for you to learn, my last teaching for you. You must feel true freedom." True freedom? She didn't understand what it meant by that just yet, but she was excited nonetheless. She trusts it with all her heart, it has taught her all she knows after all.

The god's now darkened roots inched towards the hopeful being, it soon resting around the ground from where she stood. "True freedom... If you wish to teach me more, than I shall be just as greatful to learn!"

That hope and cheerfulness she had in her voice, it hated hearing it. Seeing how innocent it's own creation is, a now bitter reflection to what it once was. How could it's own creation ever surpass it. More roots crept up to her as it spoke, a few moving right up to her.

"Yes, my dreamer! I want you to feel true freedom. The freedom that I myself have felt. It's a wonderful feeling... And now, you shall know it such as well as I."

She looked up to The Great One in such childlike wonder. What could true freedom be like. Just as she was about to respond back to it, one of it's many roots stabbed Folly through her mask, shattering half as it dug into her.

She couldn't even scream, the pain of the root stabbing right through her, it was unbearable. She trusted The Great One, never disobeying it. Why was it doing it this to her?

The god could see just how much pain it's creation was in, and if it could smile, it would. "Just be patient, my dreamer.. Soon... Soon you shall learn just what true freedom feels like. You will know exactly how I feel."

It's roots held her up in the air, the only thing she was able to hear was her own breathing, and the unbearable ringing in her ears. Not even the god she trusted was speaking. Despite her hardest, she couldn't move, stuck to where it held her. Only left to her own thoughts.

'Did I do something wrong? Did I learn?.. Why can't I move. Why CANT I MOVE.' She didn't understand why it was doing this to her. She was nothing but loyal to her creator. Thoughts racing through her mind of what she could've possibly done to upset The Great One.

More roots stabbed into her like knives, feeling every stab they made into her. The corruption, hatred, and malice seeping into her, the same feelings that it felt.

She didn't understand. She hated this. She hated her creator. She was in so much pain, and for what? This isn't "freedom". How could something so unbearable be called freedom. She knew that once this was over, that she would never be happy.

...

Now laying on the ground of her realm, staring up at the endless sky. The clouds and stars that one littered the bright, pastel sky were gone, as if they never existed to begin with. The sky itself now a deep red. Everything looked dead.

She didn't want to move, still in so much pain from what her creator caused her. She could feel the wounds it left, feeling blood flow from them, a puddle of it growing on the ground beneath her.

The stars that once followed her around were shattered, the shards laying beside her head along with the part of her mask that had gotten destroyed. Crimson leaves also surrounded her from what she could see.

Above her, she could see that all the leaves that were on The Great One were now gone. It looking just as dead as everything else. It was like her entire realm, including herself, had been flipped.

That was the day the two became one.