#whatever who cares ill start going on again its not important

[kamiimiya]

Latest self-ship: ran haitani ,,,, somebody sedate me he's been all i think about lately. unfortunately him in bonten has unlocked my daddy issues in the worst way possible and ive been making it everyone's problem whenever im online

Favorite self-ship trope: " i'll take care of you " " its rotten work " " not to me. not if its you. "

Longest running self-ship: the first official selfship i ever had was kai chisaki ( mha ) back when i first learned what selfshipping was in 2021.

The self-ship you never saw coming: naoya fuckin zenin. i hate that man, i hate that man. but oh, cara mia, how i love him.

The f/o you no longer self-ship with: him :(( i dont wanna name him because i feel bad but he was going strong until it just fizzled out.

open tags !! ♡

SELF-SHIP GAME!

Latest self-ship:

Favorite self-ship trope:

Longest running self-ship:

The self-ship you never saw coming:

The f/o you no longer self-ship with:

[nomairuins]

anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day

[martyrbat]

👍👍

[candyswirls]

Crying in the Dark Pt 2 - Protection

Lion learns more about the little ones he has met

Part 1 - Part 3

“My Lord,” one of his guard spoke. “Are you certain it is wise to go alone?”

“They have approached me but one seemed incredibly shy,” he answered. “They show no sign of ill will. I must find them. I…”

He tried to formulate his feelings into words.

“There is a connection there”, he said. “I can feel it. They’re important. Perhaps just to me.”

He looked at his guard. Zabriel looked weary.

“I will come and get you once I find them and they’re at ease,” he promised.

He entered his quarters and focused his breathing as he entered the forest.

The purple little one was waiting for him.

She’d been sitting on the ground, legs crossed and stood as soon as he entered.

She held out a hand and approached him. He took it and she pulled him into the thicket. She led him in a way that seemed confusing then realized that it was so he wouldn’t run into or trip over things.

She brought him to a small opening in the bushes. She stopped and others emerged. A green one, who was quite excited, a red one, two who looked almost exactly alike save for being pink and magenta, and finally the one he had first met. She was now yellow instead of glowing gold.

Seven total he had seen now. He had the suspicion that there were more.

The yellow one stepped forward and pointed at his sword then turned around and pointed out into the forest.

They looked at him expectantly.

The red one then pulled at her face, groaning in exasperation. She pointed out into the forest again.

They all joined in pointing. He drew his sword and a few jumped in glee. The purple one took his hand again and led him in the direction where they pointed.

Her split tail swayed side to side as she walked. The others followed, a few skipping along.

Light began to fade and shadows grow. They stopped and dropped into crouches. Lion followed suit, watching their careful movements as they moved on all fours, making sure not to make any noise, their glow dimming.

The purple one pointed once more at a section of shadow that was darker than the rest.

Chills ran up his spine. He could not see anything there but his instincts told him that there was something.

He rested a hand on his knee. Before he could move there was a screech.

The red one dropped from the canopy and landed on something in the darkness. When had she gotten up there?!

A shape screamed and writhed. The others bolted out, screeching as well.

Lion surged towards whatever it was.

The creature grabbed the green one and launched her. She squealed as she went flying.

Lion jumped back and caught her. She was surprisingly light. She shook her head then screamed triumphantly at the creature.

Lion charged and grappled with the shadowy creature. It swung back a fist but purple had splits appear along her cheeks as she unhinged her jaw. Her fangs grew longer and she bit down with immense force.

The shadow shrieked. The red one climbed atop its supposed head and screamed as she burst into flames, clawing at the creature. Green had glowing mist wafting off of her fists while she started punching the creature from his arm. Others grabbed onto its other limbs, attacking.

It grew more limbs and knocked back a few of them. Lion refused to budge but it did knock his sword out of his hand. One yelped in pain as she rolled back. Anger flamed within him.

Lion grabbed the shadow creature by the neck and shoved it against a tree. He punched and kicked it repeatedly as green yelled as if she were cheering him on. Yellow grabbed his sword and held it up. He grabbed it and jabbed it into the creature repeatedly as it pitifully cried out and began dispersing. He repeated till there was nothing left and all he was driving into was wood.

He huffed as he pulled back and watched the tree topple.

The red one pumped her fist and declared, “Chichi-Bon!”

“Chichi-Bon?” Lion questioned.

“Chichi-Bon!”

Green giggled and the others cheered. Pink and magenta came up and hugged his leg as he set green down. Green jumped up and down. Purple was actually smiling and looked proud.

Lion chuckled, “Well done.”

They beamed. Yellow moved forward and held up an object.

It was another biscuit. He took it, smiling at her.

“Stay here,” he said. “I will be back. I’m bringing my sons.”

As fast as he could he moved back to his quarters. His sons awaited outside with anticipation.

“You found them?” Zabriel questioned.

“Yes,” he said. “There’s other ones now. I suspect there’s even more as the teal one is not there.”

“You’re out of breath my lord,” another said.

“I just aided them in slaying some creature of the warp,” he answered. “Come.”

He brought them back to the pace within the forest but the little ones were gone. No sign of them.

He spun around, trying to spot them.

“Little ones?” He called. “Where are you?”

No answer.

He frowned, “They’re were just here…”

He pressed forward, trying to track them. The task proved to be far more difficult than anticipated. It was like they didn’t exist.

Did he hallucinate them? Were they even real? He feared some of his sons were thinking that. He shook his head, no there was signs that they existed. Throne he was still holding the biscuit.

He spotted two watchers in the distance and made his way to them. If anyone was to have information on the little ones, it would be them.

He approached and asked, “do you know anything of the glowing childlike creatures I have met in here? The little ones?”

We do.

Relief filled him

“Are they the same species as you?” He asked.

They are far closer to you.

“Are they human?”

Their ancestry and bloodline dictates so.

Lion pondered a moment then asked, “Who are they?”

Progeny of the Emperor. Hope of Life. Flame of the Forge. Thoughts of the Mind. Children of Blood.

���Progeny?” Lion questioned. “Where did they come from?”

From what you care, love, disdain, and loathe.

Lion frowned, “what do you mean? Why do you speak in riddles?”

They are shrouded in mystery. Not even we know all about them. The less that is currently known about them the better. It’s protects them. They are granted refuge here.

Lion frowned, “What are they fleeing?”

The archenemy. The ruinous powers. The master of mankind guided them to have sanctuary here. He knew you would do best with them.

They needed protection. His Father had sent them here knowing he could do that.

“Where are they?”

Hidden. They know not those that accompany you. They will appear when you are alone.

Lion sighed, “Progeny of the emperor. You said they’re closer to me. Are they related to me?”

Ask correctly and they will tell you.

“Do they even speak gothic?”

They do not. We do not know their language either. Show your meaning and they will understand.

(I am so excited, I thought of these little guys back up in June when I first got into 40K. I’ve been waiting to share them and I found Lion to be the best one to introduce them with)

[bambambunny]

Fatui Cat (Segment edition!) pt. 1

Warnings: like 1 swear and some fear of dottore from his segments. Oh and one of them drops the cat, dw its fine. This is more focused on the segment’s perspective but ill do cat POV next time.

Relationships: Platonic segments / cat!reader

Summary: The segments meet the cat. g/n pronouns pls lmk if i missed something.

Wc: 659 cries

Part 2

—-------------------------------------------------

The pursuit of knowledge never ends and thus, neither does the work of the segments. Each one, varying in ages and demeanors, bustles around the expansive lab with their own projects in hand. Of course, all must work to the Tzaritsa’s coup against heaven but such a large goal requires smaller tasks to build it up. 

One of the younger segments, physically he looks to be about 10, is trying to figure out a better healing formula for the hydro skirmishers (Some blond kid keeps causing trouble and their losses have been too great to ignore). That might seem like a rather complicated subject for a 10 year old, but this is a dottore segment we’re talking about, of course he can accomplish this. After all, failure at such a menial task would result in termination and we can't have that. He starts with a flask of hydro, adds some crushed up violet grass, a bit of this chemical, a bit of that, and a dash of –

Crash!

The young segment yelps and drops the vial and its contents. The other segments look up from their tasks at the sudden noise but the boy doesn’t notice. He looks down at the disturbance at his feet and finds a..cat? What in Her Majesty’s name is a cat doing here? He picks it up to the worried protest of an older segment and raises it up. The little thing does naught but blink at him. It has a belled collar so it must belong to somebody, and oh that somebody is going to be in a lot of trouble when Prime finds out it caused such a disturbance. 

“Ahem.”

The sound shoots a wretched cold up the segment’s spine as both he and the cat are shadowed by the imposing figure of Prime Dottore. He drops that cat and immediately turns to attention. He doesn’t hear the thing yelp in surprise.

“P-prime!”, shit. He’s not supposed to stutter, “Prime, sir.” Better.

“Care to explain the mess in your station?” Prime asks with a chilly calm.

“I was interrupted, sir, by that,” He points to the cat who is now rubbing itself, almost aggressively, on Dottore’s pant leg. 

“They just wandered in like they owned the place,” a segment pipes up, drawing Prime’s gaze. He is older and confident enough to insert himself into the conversation, most of the other segments wouldn’t dare. The young segment is relieved at the shift of attention away from him.

Prime chuckles. It isn’t with malice, thank god. 

“They might as well,” He picks up the cat with a surprising gentleness. Honestly, a few of the newer segments were surprised Prime didn't kick the poor thing.

“This is Zapolyarny Palace’s new royal cat - by order of Her Majesty.” Prime says with a flourish and barely restrained glee. Every segment in the room just stares at him, then at the cat, him again..is he serious? Since when was that a thing? If it has a title, does it have a job? Why then did it wander in here? Is it looking for pests? Impossible, the labs are kept meticulously – obsessively – clean (aside from the spill from earlier, must clean that up). A segment near the back raises his finger to ask a question but Prime cuts him off.

“As this cat has been blessed by the Tzaritsa, you will all treat them with respect. They may go where they please and none but the other harbingers and I may interact with it as I am now.” He puts the cat down and shoots a pointed look to the young segment, “You may return to your tasks. Oh and #7?”

“Yes, sir?” The little boy answers, slightly fearful of whatever punishment may come from dropping the cat.

“Do clean up this mess.”

And with that Prime Dottore leaves and all 7 segments stare at the now much more important feline sitting in front of the doorway

—-------------------------------------------------

A/N: hgnghgng sht im so so sorry this took like a month to write. I fell out of genshin and got obsessed with star wars and cries. I know its really short but im working on a part 2, just cant finish it cuz i have to sleep.

Taglist:

@etherisy @franc-1-s @assassinsnek101

(if you wanna be removed or added to the taglist pls comment)

[sulfies]

can you spill more abt that self insert of yours? 👁️👁️

Oh boy oh boy can I? (big yapping incoming) (typo and grammar massaccare of 2024)

He is a self insert OC Assassin from the Ottoman brotherhood (bc Im Turkish) and he is 23 (bc I am)

not a secret mentor or anything lol I was just joking in the first post making a mary sue.

I imagine he is similar or one above than whatever Yusuf’s rank is (I have yet to play Revelations :,p ) tho I do not know what time he should be in, Realistically if no time travel happened he would be in same time as Yusuf but I dont want Gilf Ezio (sorry) but if its Ezio, Alt and Desmon togather timeline probobly he is in around AC2 Brotherhood time. (maybe he came by Italy to do a mission and dropped by the hideout)

He is ethnically Balkan or/and Greek (bc I am) which probobly means he was taken to Constantinople as a teen or kid to eighter be sent to Jenniserrie training or the male-harem.

Small history lesson:

- Devşirme was the name of the practice where Ottoman empire basically enslaved young Greek,Balkan,Ukranian,etc etc boys and inserted them into an Elite military (Janniserries) even the Sultans themselves were scared of bc they were known to start coups and kill Sultans(they got a salary and are socially above the commonfolk but… military slaves non the less)

-Male-harems existed, again Balkan, Romanian, Slavic and greek etc people were often the main people in the harems (fun fact nearly no Sultan is Turkish due to this lmao they are all mixed), once again their status were above the common folk and they were well taken care of (the older males could even become gov officals after) but slavery non the less.

Idk if I want him to escape the harem or Jenniserrie for his edgy backgrund but maybe he did few years of training, cought the eye of the Sultan and escaped the moment someone was like “you have been promoted to an elite employeeee, u won harem lotterry” . Probobly wandered the streets a bit, got into hella fights till an Assassin picked him up escaping a group of soliders. Maybe it was an older dude who saw him when they were both in training

He is basically based off my own ethnicity and its context to the time and sociatal goings of that era lol (which was hella gay… very gay… too gay almost)

He probobly has some traditional slavic leg,hand and arm tattoos (bc I have em but also) mostly bc around those times (nearly always women) used to tattoo themselves in those motifs to remember their christian roots and their culture (that Ottoman tried to erease) and also to make themselves less appealing to Ottoman Harem/ Devşirme recuiters :,D

For his name, Maybe to be on the nose… Adem? (Turkish ver of Adam) so he is tied to the apples in a fun way? Or Poyraz (means a northern wind) since the meaning is similar to my own name?

He doesnt grow much facial hair (bc I am also stuck w a weak beard) but he refuses to get rid of it no matter how much others tease him bc he is like “I aint getting courted by random crazy men ew” (I dont irl also bc I desperetly believe it looks good…I refuse to open my eyes)

History lesson 2:

-facial hair was important in Ottoman times, It LİTTERALLY determined your gender and how you were approached.

-Socially and in Litriture Ottoman almost had 3 gender roles; Men, Boys (Oğlan) and Women. Once a man grew a beard he would “transition” from being a boy.

-Romantically having a beard versus not determined if you were to be courted or court. Bearded man were called “Lovers” while NON-bearded were called “Beloveds” (yes more often the boys were underage :/ for the sake of history lesson lets…. try to ignore that like ancient greeks)

there is many gay ass poems ^

He got all the mentall illness coctails that I got bc why not make it worse fr him. I imagine him sarcastic and catty, Claudia prob loves taking him to shop around bc he always got something to fckn say about everyone. Big gossipper. Hides the fact that he hates being as short as he is very well (im like… 165? 5’5-4?). If in Yusuf time, nearly BFFS (if im not inserting myself into the throuple (bc Its my self insert and I CAN BE AS CRINGY AS I WANT) he would end up w Yusuf)

Him about others:

Ezio: will never stop calling him de la la la,likes him a lot, loves pranking and teasing him. Enjoys fake flirting with him till he takes it so far Ezio has to throw in the towel. Probobly teached him how to Oil wrestle and Ezio was like “Are you sure this is a real sport…” and all he did was sigh and say “I am so glad it actually is” as he admired Oiled up Ezio

Altaïr: loves mocking whatever big words he uses all the time. calls him “Big boss” just to see his eye twitch with cringe. Knows he can get away with shit if he acts stupid enough. Altair knows he is not that stupid but is impressed(deragotory, fondly) how low he is willing to go.

Desmond: clearly his favorite (im biased sue me) obvious by how much softer he acts around Des. Ezİo falls he laughs, Des falls “My leige, hop on my back”. Is facinated by his piercings and begs him to help him get some. Desmond desperetly wishes he could invent some ADHD Meds for him. Des also finds him strangely comforting, can imagine himself back in 2010s almost…

————-

Idk im not rlly a self insert person so thinking about him was hard and I also dont wanna make my oc “the main character” in this au so I dont really wanna give him any secret powers or anything.

Maybe some edgy gnarly scars on his back from a past mission where he came in contact with an apple? Maybe when he touched the apple he was supplied that canonly he doesnt exist and he is just a fan created being and has a whole issue about it? I can imagine a sad scene of him crying like “You dont understand, You exist! even as some damn video game you do and people know you they cannot deny you exist. ME? all I am is some weirdos self writing, not even enough to be in canon. Does anything I do matter?” lololol

Thats all I got for him for now lol but feel free to ask more:p Im also open to ideas for him.

sorry for the yapping and history lesson… here is some more fun facts:

-Oğlancılık (male prostitution) was pretty respected they were seen like any other tradesperson in some parts

-a Paşa tried to ban under 30 males from being washers in Turkish Hamams due to them also being sex workers and litterally everyone was so mad he got replaced

-dancers in coffeehouses wore the same fit no matter the gender so boys and girls looked the same (once again they were also sex workers)

-one time a jewish boy caused such a big fight between janniserries the sultan had to threathen to kill 40 man from each side if they didnt stop

-Draculas are real people and RADU the beutyfull (his OFFİCİAL NAME) had a full on recorded relationship with Sultan Mehmet2 :p

- Gay shit was legalized in 1853 mostly bc they never rlly punished it….

for the girlies

-in harems the girls couldnt order things like cucumbers or carrots to their rooms w out it being cut up :p

[youthereader]

Near Zero part 3.

PAIRING: cillian murphy as j. robert oppenheimer x fem!reader

SUMMARY: 1.9k words. Brought on as part of the Manhattan Project, your old physics professor sees you in a new light.

RATING: E; explicit smut, barebacking, semi-public sex, vaginal fingering, age gap (10+ years), angst, infidelity, period-typical sexism

A/N: Though based on real life characters, this is J. Robert Oppenheimer as played by Cillian Murphy, a fictional character. This is not intended to be historically accurate, merely written as entertainment. Thank you to @indulgence-be-thy-name for being the best cheerleader. Not a lot of plot this time but I thought the first time smut deserved its own chapter. Enjoy! 🖤

masterlist

The shame you feel is like a nausea that soon morphs into a cold rage. So cold that it burns you, making you isolate yourself all over again, despite the mixer being a genuinely enjoyable experience.

You barely wave when you see Mary one morning two days after Dr. Oppenheimer looked straight through you. You physically recoil at the idea of speaking to her or Barb for any length of time, shaking your head as you speed down the street with your pocketbook.

Luckily, no-one speaks to you, so you have no reason to speak, either. You wear your most non-descript clothes, not wanting any attention whatsoever. To be invisible on purpose is better than trying to be seen only to be rejected like the other day. He had made you feel important, and you, the idiot that you are, believed him.

If you thought about it long enough – and you have tried not to for years – you are lonely. You’re so lonely that it makes a unique kind of grief. You don’t recall a time when you didn’t feel like this. You can’t let yourself dwell too much, or you’ll combust. And you need to keep going. You need to work, to have a purpose. You can’t go home. It doesn’t feel like there’s a home to go to anymore.

Your guts churn every time you think Oppenheimer is about to walk into the laboratory. You consider faking illness, but you’re weak enough as it is to the men in your group; to give them more ammunition would be a mistake.

The cold rage stays there, and the work cannot get rid of it. You wait for your mind to clear, but it remains the same, equations forever swimming around, along with dark thoughts you would never name aloud. You stay at your desk many hours after everyone else calls it a day, and you walk home alone at night.

For three nights, it’s the same. The fourth night, you write basic chemistry equations to solve, ones you remember from high school, the movements so practiced that you don’t pause for minutes at a time, your hand hurting from how hard you grip the chalk. Your writing becomes less legible with effort, and you regret so many things when you step back, the board full. You should start again, write more neatly, empty the ashtray. You should leave, you should take a big sleeping pill and lie down.

You hear footsteps and know who it is before you turn around, your stomach dropping, your hands balling into fists at your sides.

“I hoped it wasn’t you.”

“No-one else here but me,” you reply, gaze slipping up to Oppenheimer’s face, and you swallow. “It’s always me.”

“The light was on, I-”

“Whatever you have to say,” you interrupt, turning back to the board, picking up the eraser. “I’m sure it can wait for tomorrow when you have a larger audience.”

You begin clearing it all away, hating that he saw your equations, your sloppy hand. You put the eraser back with an audible clatter. Your carelessness leads to it falling to the floor, but you don’t pick it up. You don’t care about whatever he has to say, either. It’s all just noise.

“Okay.”

He sounds defeated, and you shoot him a glance. It’s nighttime and he’s wearing his hat, like some kind of costume. He’s a phantom, prowling around his town. Of course he walked straight past you the other day, he has so much more to do.

“Why are you here?” you ask before you lose your nerve.

Your eyes lock and your heartbeat ricochets. He takes a couple steps, but you continue:

“I mean, you’re married, right?”

You haven’t met Kitty, but everyone knows her. You can’t avoid her if you know Dr. Oppenheimer. Mentioning her might be a mistake, but all of this already feels dangerous, bordering on idiotic. He could expel you, find some way to snuff out your career, too. You’re reckless, and you never have been before, so it’s hard to know when to stop.

“Yes,” he replies. His jaw tenses. “I came here because I was out walking. Again.”

“And you happened to see the light and decided to come up?” you throw back. It comes out as a petulant sneer.

“I was looking for you. I didn’t want to stay away anymore.”

Your face flushes. A week ago, his words would have made you swoon. Now, you grit your teeth.

“So you charm me, then you ignore me. And now you expect me to believe that you’re suffering some kind of… some kind of burden because of me? That you were sparing me?”

“We work together,” he says, and his tone is completely different.

He’s speaking to you like he does the men he argues with. You’ve seen it from a distance many times before. Even if you hadn’t, you’d heard stories.

“We… we work together?” you repeat, and you half-laugh. “So if I was someone’s wife, that would be preferable?”

“Yes, it would,” he says, and he watches you scoff.

His eyes never leave you. He’s determined.

“But you can’t say away?” you say.

“No.”

He takes the few last strides to meet you and reaches for your waist, hands catching you to bring you into a swift kiss. You close your eyes on impact, gasping, and he doesn’t let go, moving you both towards the desk. Your legs hit the wood and you take hold of his face, fingers splayed on his high cheekbones, opening your mouth to him as he conquers you with his hot tongue. You moan, the sound slipping out as his thigh presses between your thighs, pinning you.

He suddenly pulls back with a smack of your lips, his eyes searching you, his hands cradling your face like yours are his.

“You’re not seeing Richard?”

Your mind reels, his breath on your lips as you pant, screwing up your face in confusion.

“Feynman?” you say, and he nods. “That’s absurd-”

“You’re not?”

“No, I’m not,” you insist. You blink. “Were you jealous?”

You remember the mixer and how Feynman had joked around with you. He spent a lot of the night near you, but he was never friendly in that sense. You didn’t know if he was spoken for, but he never treated you like a potential target.

You are half-joking but see Oppenheimer’s eyes narrow ever so slightly.

“You were jealous…”

The thought of him being possessive of you is strange, and somehow flattering. It’s entirely foreign.

“You ignored me because you thought something happened,” you muse, and it doesn’t stop feeling bizarre. “You were that upset?”

“It was cowardly of me,” he says. “And it’s silly.”

“It’s so silly,” you agree, and he kisses you again.

He groans when you suck on his tongue, renewing your courage. The desire ignites in your belly, pulling you deeper down. His touch, beginning to show a kind of desperation, makes you wet, and you moan against his lips, feeling him press into the apex of your thighs.

He pushes you down, hands shifting up to your wrists, his whole front pressing into yours, his lips breaking contact to hover above you. His eyes are addictive in how they rove you beneath him.

“Are you still upset?” you tease, and he shakes his head, for the first time smiling.

“No.”

Your voices drop to whispers, and the intimacy of that makes you weak. You jut your chin at him.

“Can you take off your hat?”

He obliges, freeing your wrist for a second, before he’s back again, staring at you. You can feel how hard he is through his trousers that press into your crotch, your heart hammering. If someone were to walk in, there’d be no explaining this away.

“Come here,” you whisper.

He kisses you again, and you wrap your thighs around his narrow waist, your tongues tangling. He groans once more, and lets you slip out of his grip to help undo his belt, his fingers deftly pulling down his fly. You reach inside his pants to feel the hard length of his cock and he give a huff of a laugh against the corner of your mouth, pushing you back down, his hands slipping down your sides and then up under the bottom of your dress.

You shiver as his fingers glide up your thighs. Stockings are hard to come by, your bare skin breaking out in goose bumps all over.

It’s been a long time since a man touched you. It’s never been like this, so electrified. Your nerve endings alight when he meets the cut of you over your underwear, finding you soaking through the cotton. He grunts, pushing aside the offending material to reach your cunt, your gasp smothered by another rushed kiss. Your hands no longer attempt to stroke him, he’s distracting and precise, filling you with two fingers, as you ride his palm.

“Fuck…”

This isn’t a dream. If it were, you’d be awake already. When you fantasize about this, he never gets this far. You climb, his lips peppering your cheek as you rock, his thumb rubbing your clit, your body tightening. His teeth graze your jaw and your back bows.

“Come, my darling,” he whispers. “Come for me…”

You explode, vision whitening as he brings you off, your hands gripping his arms to keep you steady. You ride it out, thighs shaking as he pulls back to look you in the eye.

“How was that?” he murmurs, and he’s smiling again.

He’s so beautiful when he smiles. You kiss him instead of answering, still twitching deep inside. His fingers slip away, sticky on your thighs as he widens them.

In a rush, you lift your hips to pull your underwear down, while he rearranges his own to free his cock, and then he’s there, he’s right there –

He grunts as he pushes inside you, your arms wrapping around his neck to kiss him, to pull him back down. He rocks, filling you, and you both still, sighing.

“You feel incredible,” he whispers, and you grin up at him. “Are you alright?”

“Better than alright,” you whisper back.

He moves again, almost all the way out before slamming into you, both of you groaning. The delicious drag of him makes you tremble and moan, your head falling back against the desk as he picks up speed.

“Don’t finish in me,” you whisper, and he nods, his breaths turning to pants.

He buries his face in your neck, and you hold on for dear life, taking everything, feeling as if you are floating above your body with how reckless he becomes so quickly. He pulls back at the last second, kissing you, one hand gripping your jaw.

He comes, sweat on his forehead, and you pant along with him, dazed.

For several moments, you say nothing, resting together, still lying on the desk. He peels away, offering to help you up. You pull your underwear back on, and he tidies himself. You wait for the other shoe to drop, but he takes out two cigarettes, lighting them both and inhaling them before handing you one.

“Can I walk you home, now?” he whispers.

He’s so quiet, so utterly elsewhere in that moment that you stare at the side of his face, smoking, before he finally looks at you, hopeful.

“Yes,” you whisper back, exhaling.

Let me know if you like this one! Thank you for reading. 😘❤️

[enlighten3d]

Hi sorry I know this might be really personal and you obviously don't have to answer if you don't want to but you post a lot about being aroace and I've been thinking about that for myself kind of a lot lately and was just wondering how you know for sure that that's what you are as opposed to not having found the right person yet kind of thing that people always tell you.

Again sorry personal absolutely don't feel pressured.

mmmm okay so! idm answering this, im happy to help (: but for claritys sake: i am asexual by definition, but i dont indentify as such! i only id as aromantic bcs thats the only indentity that actually feels important and like a part of me. might not make any sense but whatever lol

how i knew that im aro? i just. found the label, and was like, 'sure, why not.' and it stuck. its... for the difference between being aro and not having found the right person yet, its that, well. okay, so what if youre not actually aro? you do meet someone you love romantically even after youve ided as aro for years? cool, whatever, you can keep the aro label, or change it. or you never do fall in love romantically, and dont need to do anth abt the label.

what im saying is... mm okay label is a misnomer. i once heard someone say that labels are more akin to fridge magnets - you stick them on, and maybe they stay and you like how they look and make you happy. or maybe you stick them on and they look bad and you dont like them so you take them down. or maybe you stick them on and you like them for a while, but it starts feeling wrong eventually, so you take them down. labels - like magnets - arent permanent.

its impossible to really, truly, make a mistake in finding a label that explains your experiences. even if its wrong, there was smth that felt right abt it at that time. its a part of your journey. we, as people, are ever-changing - its literally impossible to know what will happen tomorrow, nevermind in a few years (sorry the isat reference is mostly unintentional).

so how did i know? i stuck the aro magnet on. and i like how it looks for now, maybe forever. maybe ill find the 'right one' or whatever, or maybe i wont. if i do, then whatever, down goes the magnet. if i dont (and i dont think i will, for the record! i dont have any Reasoning, its just... okay ill explain this next paragraph), then up there it stays. youre free to say youre aro for now and then change it if it ever changes. theres nothing stopping you, nonnie

as for yeah, whatever vague wording i can give to my reasoning, its... standard stuff, sorry. ive never understood romance? i think its completely fucking unnecessary and overrated. stupid, even. i straightup Do Not Get It. i forced myself to say i have a crush on a guy in gr4 bcs everyone else was talking abt crushes. decided i was romantically attracted to this girl in dance class bcs i liked her vibes. trying to conform to actually wanting romance when i just dont. dated this girl in gr8, and then when we broke up (i am bad at communication and unfortunately incredibly fucking clingy), i was like... 'huh, i didnt really feel that different about her than i did abt any of my other friends'. i just really really cared abt her and wanted to be close w her, and the only way i knew how to do that was 'romance'. but that wasnt it. found out abt aro ppl (forget how; memory is Trash), and was like 'oh damn, thats... that makes sense'. i definitely had a crisis and Logic but i do not remember that, sorry. all of this is pieced together from old text messages and half-remembered memories hajdjdzkzos

imo the concept of a 'right one' is pretty damn fucking stupid (/nay; at Society). 8 billion ppl on earth. im not going to find this hypothetical right one who can change absolutely everything about me and my identity. ive got the ppl around me that i already love. im happy w that. chasing after some hypothetical infinitesimal chance of a person whos Perfect for oneself is just a damn waste of time

so just... these decisions dont have to be permanent, nonnie. youre allowed to be wrong and realise that you werent actually aroace. youre allowed to be wrong. so if you want my advice? say youre aroace. stick the magnet on, see if it falls off or not. its still a valid and valuable part of your journey. youre allowed to be wrong. youre always allowed to be wrong.

i mean, afterall, how can one be sure that they ARE allo? that they WILL find that 'right one'? through experience. so fuck around, find out. stick that magnet on.

good luck (: i rly rly hope this is helpful and not just me repeating what youve already heard, sry for yapping so much LMAO. i have a lot to say

[fatmaclover]

my brain is not letting me form thoughts coherently but I'm thinking so much about our little charlies home alone wolrd i feel siccck i feel sick. do you think they talked at all while she was out of the room about them caring about her. do you think she said anything emotional while on pain meds. im thinking

katie you make me ill. thank you

i bet mac and dennis definitely have moments just. sitting. in the waiting room. they definitely fight. it starts with mac and dennis fighting over each other for not being worried about joyce, like the fights in charlie gets crippled yknow? theyre fighting sure but it's definitely an expression of how much they care about joyce.

i definitely think theres a phase there, though, where mac and dennis are shooed from her room, since she needs her rest or whatever. and i imagine neither of them are gonna be the worse best friend and go home first. so theyre just sitting, silent, still emotional after crying with joyce. and after a while, you can see mac looking up through his lashes at dennis.

he asks if dennis thinks joyce will be okay. of course dennis says she will be. he tells mac not to be a pussy. some heartfelt scene with mac rambling, admitting his care and worry for joyce. dennis taking a long moment to contemplate, before agreeing, admitting how worried he gets for her, too. how much he cares. theres a long beat of silence, before they break into a fight over whos fault it is again, though its definitely with less effort than before.

as for joyce saying emotional shit on pain meds you know she was on that "i did it all for you guys" shit that makes mac and dennis feel 70x worse. "i hope you guys at least had a good game" and mac is about to punch a hole in the wall. sure she did all that so the eagles could win, but would she even care if the eagles werent so important to her friends? would she be that self sacrificial?

maybe once mac and dennis get to have time alone with her they get a bit more sappy. mac definitely would. sneaking in some glue or something to be able to get high with joyce. hes trying to be strong but he cant get over the guilt that he wasnt there to protect her. maybe hes even crying over her, finally pouring his feelings to her. finally getting out how much he cares and how sorry he is for not being there sooner.

and man. joyce really misses middle and elementary school. she misses the mac that would talk to her like this without her nearly dying in order to achieve it. in the moment, she lets herself be happy that shes getting anything at all though.

[md-confessions]

hey its me evil thad/doori nori/lizzyposting/whatever other goofy shit ive started here anon. i should probably make like a signature or something. ok but im here to talk about how like. human drone designs just kinda. dont work to me. like no shame to the people who make them but ive never really seen designs that truly. work to me?? like i havent really seen a human au that makes the fact they're humans feel.. important to the story. like i havent really seen a human au that makes the fact they're humans feel like a meaningful change.

ik its usually done to put the characters in a domestic environment but.. the drones already kinda copy humanities homework when it comes to the way they're society works for the most part. i think the reason they just dont work for me is mostly because i just. like how the drones look already? like im usually more of fan of characters that arent just. humans or animals compared to characters that are. ill always gravitate to the gobble gook before i go to the normal andy. unless they're a very non normal andy then ill prefer them. human md aus feel like if there was an ultrakill au that turned every character into a completely normal person to me. like they were cool before why did you do that...

also if every character is just like. white its even worse like not ONLY did you make then kinda boring to start off with but you made them even MORE boring by making them all one race what were you THINKING??????? i might not be a very big human au fan but ill PROUDLY STAND with the blasian uzi fans if it means i dont gotta see fucking emo snowman doppelganger looking uzi again jesus LORD blasian uzi save me. its like the race version of the "they would not fucking say that" image she would NOT look like that. ik i went into this saying no shame but if you have a human md au and all of the characters have a similar skintone going on PLEASE try and change up theyre skintones a BIT please im BEGGING on my KNEES fucking SAVE ME BLASIAN UZI AUGUUHUGHGHHGGHGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SAVE MEEEEE AUAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHim ending this. im gettign too passionate. i thingk my point is clear. maybe. ok maybe it isnt i dont care this is too long i QUIT

.

[mountain-lion-gremlin]

So yes, im coming up on the end of my detox. During this time, ive actually learned a LOT because simply, im not glued to my phone 24/7.

Society pushes this idea that we NEED phones. That without your portable dopamine box you arent cool, or normal, or whatever the hell they choose to say.

Ive found clarity in my life. Ive focused more on my witchcraft and learning the craft itself. Ive danced in the rain and felt the rhythm of the earth, its heart beating beneath my feet. Ive started to learn Finnish even better than before, and my studies on homework have become so much easier because im not as distracted.

If it was up to me, i would never go back to being glued to my dopamine box. But...

If anyone who is following me and knows of my Amino, Ive been gone from it for awhile now. I worry that certain rules arent being enforced, or its becoming a hateful place. I left it in the hands of my staff, of course, but i still worry...

But regardless, Ill see if I can get an app that allows me to run mobile apps on my computer. I dont want to go back to using my phone unless i have to.

(Keep reading if you wanna see what I have to say about shapeshifting and stuff. I dont want this post to be eons of scrolling to those who dont want to read about it.)

Now, onto the important stuff that people might be asking me.

"Rio, did you fully m-shift and achieve your goals of shifting???" Well... no. Sadly.

Life has been really hectic, so Ive been focusing on the important, human stuff in my life, and have been struggling with balancing the important, animal stuff in my life. Im not going to lie, its easier to do now than it was before, but I still have to put effort into it.

With p-shifting, well... recently Ive been reading a lot of hate on p-shifting in general, how its wrong, how much actual stigma surrounds it, and im in a ditch when it comes to believing it will actually happen. Ive watered down my beliefs so many times for others online recently, that im questioning that they are true.

I know that they arent true. But, I know for a fact that even if I never p-shift, I will still be happy being who I am. Its a constant itch, and constant scratch to be who I really am, but I honestly believe that even if I never do p-shift, I will never stop being here, being a shifter and being happy.

In the end thats all its really about, seriously. Arent we just trying to be happy with ourselves, our identity, our lives? It hurts to even go a step outside of the shifting community, and see hours and hours of people talking about how horrible it is, how manipulative, how impossible it is. It makes me want to hide again in my little bubble and forget I ever saw it.

But it brings a sort of... clarity I guess? Many people who have never been apart of the community or have even ventured in will say "its impossible to do".

People who have been hurt, or have seen the hurt caused by misinformation and misguidance of shapeshifting will almost always say "p-shifting is manipulative, horrible, the people within it are blah blah blah blah blah...."

People who are apart of it but havent p-shifted will say "Ive seen so many success stories, Ive even seen my own progress with it and im really happy" And people who have shifted... well they either disappear quite quickly, or their stories are lost to deaf ears.

And after years and years of feeling like I have to fight against these people, show how I am, show the truth and understand it all... I feel domesticated by the reality that is always, constantly shoved in my face.

Nobody cares. Im trapped within society and I cant escape. I will never be free. I will never, ever be my animal. I am delusional for even believing it.

vitut.

I know that currently in my life, I am where I am. I cannot change it, because I am not old enough to. I know that I have and must make do with what I have, instead of wishing for things I do not have. Cougars are adaptable, we are survivors and change with our enviornment.

There will ALWAYS be time to be who I am. There will always be chance after chance after chance for me, I just have to grab it.

And ive noticed that I no longer have to force every single m-shift. It feels like just thinking about it, about mountain lions causes a shift. Ive gotten so comfortable in my living situation ive been vocalizing as my animal, jumping around on all fours and feeling like my animal.

Sometimes I worry that Ive become so obsessed with trying to m-shift that Ive forgotten that theres still more beyond it. While writing this post, I feel... excited for my future. I feel like p-shifting can happen to me. I feel like I am almost close to permanently m-shifting.

And let me tell you a little secret about m-shifting.

(There is no trigger for when you permanently m-shift. There is no way to actually know by just reading what others say it feels like. There is no actual way to do it.)

Permanently m-shifting to me, simply feels like a comfortableness with my animal. It feels safe, and okay to be who I am. And personally for me, after years of m-shifting, trust is what has brought me to where I am. (This might not be the case for everyone lol, figure out whats going on with yourself instead of using what I say to be the end all for you and your problems!) I was honestly afraid of my other side. That it was dangerous, wild, would hurt someone. I was also afraid that I would never actually get here and do this, because my mental shifts arent as strong or frequent as others. I was also afraid that it wouldnt work. So, so afraid that I would mess up and fail.

But I've learnt that... I am in control of myself. And being an animal IS myself. I have the control to be safe, and not harm others. We all do. Its an idea that has been presented to us through media, stigma, ableism and society itself. We always talk of people "losing control" or "flying off the handle". Werewolves are seen as beings who will rip your face off if they get mad.

We arent like that, you know that, right? I had to trust that I would be in control of my m-shifts. And even if my control has slipped, (such as when I had an m-flare in the middle of gym class) I was able to quickly recover because it wasnt appropriate at school to start running on all fours and hiding beneath the bleachers.

Ive also learnt that no, you cannot fail while m-shifting. There is no right or wrong way to m-shift. There is no way to fail an m-shift. M-shifting is just allowing yourself to be more animal-like, allowing your animal to be safe and comfortable with itself. Its complicated to explain the connection between our animal selves, and our human selves, but the most basic (not too accurate) way to explain it is that we are each other. You are your animal, and your animal is you. As you m-shift more this makes more sense, and you find your own meaning to what your connection, and your animal's connection is.

Regardless, even if I took breaks. Even if I wasnt dedicated, or spent all of my time m-shifting. I still am getting closer. What matters is the fact that you still care about it, and will do it when you can. Its unrealistic to believe someone could constantly be m-shifting actively, most circumstances make it very hard to do so. (Especially mine. I have divorced houses, 2 AP classes im taking, problematic siblings, responsibilities...)

It feels like learning a new language in a sense. Like, to m-shift is to constantly m-shift. To learn a new language is to constantly immerse yourself in it. Well... we cant really do that, so instead we go with short bursts of doing this, with interspersed passive learning, or attempting to m-shift when we can.

And nobody is barred from m-shifting. Let me let you know. NOBODY IS BARRED FROM M-SHIFTING!! Some people I know feel stuck, like they cannot m-shift. That its only involuntary. Listen. Listen listen listen.

There are many different ways to m-shift. So many!! Lots of people say "I cant meditate, and so ill never m-shift." Thats NOT true. Thats not true. I literally cant meditate lol.

And its not really attempting to voluntarily force a shift using triggers and stuff. I just think about it and try to feel more immersed in my senses, allow my perspective of life to shift more animal-like. AND, m-shifts do NOT have to be large, explosive things that change your whole reality and how you think and you want to crawl on all fours and you feel yourself p-shifting and fur-

Nah nah nah. Most shifts people will experience, at least how i know it, will be small, tiny shifts that you most likely wont notice unless you pay attention to it. Even if you arent trying to m-shift in the moment, even thinking about it may cause you to fall into a light shift. You do not need to have very impactful m-shifts to m-shift.

And I wont lie, my friend @dakotathewolf has helped me a lot, even with the endless ramblings on both ends (lol) I feel like we have both grown as people and understand more because of what we have taught each other.

I hope this helps you, dakota, along with anyone else who needs it.

[josiedoe]

funny weird fursona from ages past hours while i wanna take this opportunity to share my art, i kinda also wanna reach out to everybody who had cringy neon old fursonas and oc's that they're embarrassed of or feel like they need to shittalk every time they mention them bc "theyre totally better at making characters now i swear!" this is my fursona splash. i've changed sonas a few times, but none of them will be as important to me as her. she's not there yet, but next year in february, on my birthday, she will be 9 years old. i made her feb 22nd of 2015, my 9th birthday. i stopped using her eventually, because i thought i'd grown out of her. i used to show her to people and laugh about how stereotypical of a mary sue she was, how she had a demon AND angel form, how i'd ship her with characters from whatever media i was interested in at the time, how she had super secret sparkle powers that could do anything and how she's "not me anymore" then i remembered how crushed i felt when my friends at the time first started calling her one. i was knee deep at that point in thinking mary sues were dumb, and felt really bad about it when a friend said she was a huge mary sue and how i should probably change her. they even got mad when i said i didnt want to and told me i "couldn't take criticism". ive tried so hard over the years to distance myself from her while trying not to be too hard on her, to enjoy her in an "ironic, more experienced way" and regard her as what NOT to do.

this is the first ever drawing i did of her. another oc of mine turns 9 on my bday, and ill do art of her too, but this is where i made her. she was a drawing of firestar that i got bored drawing and decided to slap some neons on from the ms paint advanced preset colors. as you can see, she hasn't really changed much. her name used to be colordrop, because i had a stuffed bunny around that time with the same name. i think i renamed her to splash because i liked splashkittyartist. is the art good? no. did i really care? not really! i didnt even know it was bad at the time, because it honestly wasn't. i just wasn't as far in my art journey as i am now. im glad i never deleted my deviantart account, and i plan at some point to go through and save the images that are important to me on a google drive of some kind. aslong as im able to remember and keep her, she's an important part of myself. she's still me, just from a different time, and also so much more than that. im not sad about her, not in a nostalgic "i wish i could go back way". im happy, if anything, because i only recently realized we shared a birthday. isn't that cool? to not only have an oc that was made on your birthday, but reaches milestones with you? when she turns 18, i'll be 27. when she's 27, i'll be 36. i think that's pretty neat. i think it's important for every artist, if they struggle with this, to look for their old oc's and fursonas and whatnot from when they were kids and instead of looking at them through a lens of "im better now, do you see how bad i used to be at this whole character making thing though? its funny.", instead be kind to your old creations and go "wow, i had alot of fun with you. i wonder if i can have even more." if you're able to, start using them again. write with them again, even if its small and silly and more out of whimsy and joy than actual plot development. i implore you to be kinder to kid you. even if kid you wasn't very kind themselves. if you would look at another kids drawing and oc and go "wow thats amazing! you're so creative!", then you should regard what you made then with the same enthusiasm. put your own work on the fridge if nobody else did. anyways, ramble over. i'm very passionate about this subject because i lived it, and i deeply enjoy reclaiming what i was made to feel embarrassed of. so moon darkraven, demon wolf with an anime scythe and scene bangs and red eyes and neon colors that don't mix, i think you're doing great. i hope you're doing well, wherever you are now, and that so is the person who made you. happy early birthday to me and my special little gal

[brandonduhaimes]

Love you more

Gif credits to owner!

Pairing: Kirill x gn reader

Length: 2.3k

Authors note: im sorry this one took so long! Requested.

"Y/n you will find a new guy he will be so good to you and it will all work out for you its just that we don't." Your now ex boyfriend had just broke your heart into so many pieces that you weren't sure they would ever be put back together.

"Just get out Jamie, I don't need a whole sob story on how great I am after you dump me. Ill leave your stuff in a box that you can pick up outside on monday."

With that you ushered him out of the house before collecting a bottle of wine from the fridge and heading back to your couch. With that you decided your best move currently was to watch the wild game. You had promised Kirill that you would watch it and you intended to keep it.

You were able to block out the feelings as you watched the boys play, enjoying their three point lead and all the smiles on the bench as they goof off.

A wild game later Kirill texted you that he was on the way back to your shared apartment. Knowing that he was on the way back made you feel a little better as you knew he would be around to help but that didn't make the tears stop falling.

When Kirill walked in 20 minutes later followed by Zuccy, Dumba and Boldy and saw you on the couch crying he immediately kicked them out. While they were going celebrate the win Kirill had decided you were more important.

Zuccy gave you an apprehensive look before ushering the two younger ones out the door. As they left you could hear quiet mumbles of "I hope they are okay" and "feel better y/n." Before you could mutter out a thank you the door softly shut behind Mats.

As the door shut Kirill made his way to the couch plopping down onto it. "Whats up dorogája?" (Sweetheart) The simple question just made the tears fall faster.

"Can I give you a hug?" He asked trying to get any words out of you to slow down your breathing and take your mind off of whatever was troubling you.

You nod slowly and Kirill moves to wrap his arms around you while slowly rubbing your back. You collapsed onto his shoulder and cried while he quietly sang songs to you in Russian. While you had very little of an idea of what he was singing it comforted you. He always knew exactly what you needed.

After you had composed yourself a little you let him know what had happened. "Jamie broke up with me today and now I'm not sure what to do," you sniffled quietly.

Kirill's eyes widened as you spoke and he immediately went into protective mode. "What can I do to help? Oh wait I have an idea." He got up and started to look for the remote to the tv running around like a goofball and getting a small chuckle out of you.

After he finally found the remote he sat down on the couch and put on Lilo and stitch. He smiled knowing it was your favorite movie, and pulled you into his side again. You smiled and curled up onto the couch as he pulled a blanket onto the two of you.

You spent the rest of the night watching Disney movies and and searching the pantry for easy snacks. Kirill had opted to put the wine bottle back in the fridge since you hadn't opened it. After you had helped him through his last breakup he knew that it would only make things worse currently.

You cried a little every once in a while but hoped Kirill didn't notice as you felt bad for burdening him with this.

You really cared about him and while you loved Jamie it wasn't the way that you felt for Kirill. He had been there for everything the last few years. Your first fight with Jamie, graduation, when you finally got your first job in your field and he had promised to be there on your wedding day. He was the one who was there when you woke up and when you fell asleep.

He was always there to listen and you tried to he there for him just as much. Every regular season game, every group outing with the boys (who almost forgot you weren't a part of the team at times), and every playoff game possible. You would drop everything to be around for him if you could. You didn't want him to leave you more than anything.

What you hadn't realized though was that Kirill was livid. Not at you but at Jamie for being able to hurt you, he knew that he would have treated you so much better and that you deserved everything you ever wanted.

He loved you.

He had always loved you and now that he had the chance he was going to fight for you.

He watched the tears slowly stop as you began to fall asleep on his shoulder, exhausted from the last few hours.

At this point Kirill looked at the time reading 12:30 am. He knew that you had work in the morning so he got up and carried you down the hallway to your bedroom, and laid you gently on your bed.

He then went out and grabbed the blanket from the couch to put on top of you so he didn't have to make you wake up to pull the covers up. After he had you all tucked in he gave you a light kiss on the forehead before whispering to no one but himself, "I love you y/n you deserve so much better."

He then wandered down the hallway to his own bedroom and got himself ready for bed before laying down and slowly falling asleep.

When you woke up snow was falling outside, checking your work group chat you saw that your job was closed for the day due to an issue with something in the shop. At first you were excited to have a day off but then you remembered the events that had taken place last night. Opting to continue to lay in bed for a while you grabbed your phone once again and turned on tiktok scrolling through your for you page.

After a little while you heard the faint noise of feet padding down the hallway towards your door. It was soon followed by gentle knock. "Y/n," Kirill whispered through the door.

"Come in," you sighed and he silently opened the door and made his way over to you.

"You're going to be late for work you should probably get up," he giggled looking at your slight bedhead knowing that he would maybe get fought if he wasn't careful.

"They closed the shop so I don't work today, so I have more time to wallow in self pity. What are your plans for the day?"

Kirill frowned at this and decided that today he was not going to let you sit inside. He quickly got up and ran out of the room with a huge smile on his face.

"I wonder whats on his mind," you muttered to yourself before deciding to go get a cup of coffee.

You got up and walked into Kirill's room thinking he might be in there. When he wasn't you decided to steal one of his hoodies and headed towards the kitchen.

Once you reached the kitchen you could hear the clattering of pans and quiet swearing as Kirill tried to make breakfast.

You smiled to yourself as you turned the corner watching Kirill whisk together pancake batter. You then walked all the way into the kitchen and started the Keurig.

"Good morning!" Kirill says cheerily and you smile in response.

"What are you making?" You ask him and he scratches his head.

"I was trying to make pancakes but the batter is all lumpy and I can't fix it." He sighs and you giggle a little bit before coming over to inspect the batter.

"You just need to add a little bit more water and you should be good." You respond taking the bowl to the sink and adding the water before whisking the batter together.

"Thank you." He says and begins heating up the stove.

You smile at his effort and finished making your coffee and making one for him as well.

Kirill kept working at the pancakes. As he finished he set two plates up for both of you. He then set the table and got plates dished up.

As you sat down at the table he began to fidget with his hands in anticipation. "Hurry we have stuff to do today!" He smiles brightly making you laugh.

"What do we have to do?" You ask and he smiles.

"I can't answer that but I have the day off to so expect some fun." You smile at his effort and finish your pancakes and coffee quickly before getting ready to go.

Kirill met you at the front door dressed in a pair of jeans and a nice t shirt. He smiled at you before dragging you out the door to his car.

He drove you to the downtown area and you walked around looking at all of the small shops. The two of you window shopped and joked around while the cars flew by around you.

As you continued on you passed a small pet shop. Kirill had been wanting a dog for a while now so you smiled at him and went inside.

You looked around the small shop for a while playing with the kittens and puppies in the open play pens. You noticed that most of the puppies were really playful but Kirill had one that was taking a nap on his lap curled up in a little ball.

You smiled at him before asking, "is that the one?"

"He's only the one if you agree to it. Im going to need help taking care of him while I'm gone and I think it would keep you busy when I'm gone," he replied.

"I think you should get him he is so adorable." You smile and Kirill looks to the owner of the shop to start the transaction.

The two of you walked around the pet shop picking out toys treats and food. He made his way over to the collars and the two of you decided on a light blue collar. As you made your way up to the register he grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly.

The two of you held hands through the rest of the pet shop falling into a comfortable silence while paying for the puppy and all of the extras. After paying you and Kirill dropped hands to grab all of the bags. "What should we name him?" Kirill asked, and you thought for a moment.

"What do you think of Winston?" You ask and he smiles at you.

"I love it."

You made your way to the car and then Kirill led you to a park to let Winston play outside for a little bit before going home. As you walked through the park with the little golden retriever he smiled and all you could think was that he looked ethereal in the sun.

He let Winston off the leash for a little bit to run around. The puppy played hard and chased Kirill around the small clearing in the park. As Kirill ran you couldn't help but laugh as he ran pretending to be terrified of the small animal chasing him.

You moved to grab your phone to take pictures of the two of them playing around in the field before being crashed into by Kirill as he was busy trying to keep the puppy from getting tangled in his legs.

The two of you landed on the ground with a thud before bursting out laughing as Winston immediately tried to grab Kirill's beanie off his head. You smiled and Kirill quickly re leashed him and you continued on your journey.

You found yourself reaching for his hand and he reciprocated gently holding it and smiling at you. As you walked you made small talk and goofed around. While you walked you couldn't help but think about the future.

Would he want the same things as you? A whole world of possibilities ahead of the two of you and you had no idea if he was interested in any of it.

As you were thinking Kirill stopped. Both you and Winston turned to look at him slightly confused.

"Y/n?" He asks "I know that this might be too early for this but, I need you with me forever. I cant bare to watch you get your heart broken again by someone who doesn't really care. I need you to be in my life and I'm more than willing to wait if you need time but I love you-"

He froze as you pressed your lips to his. It felt as though the world was stopping to wait for you. You pulled away and he moved his hands to your waist pulling you into a hug and squeezing as if he could never let you go again.

"I love you more Kirill. I couldn't imagine the future without you." He smiled and pressed his lips to your cheek.

When you finished Kirill was bright red and he had a big toothy grin plastered on.

"Can we go home and have a movie day?" You ask and he smiles and nods before latching your hands together.

"For the record I love you way more Y/n" he responds making his way to the car.

As you make your way in you stop to wonder how you got so lucky. You looked forward to the future and all you could see was a great outlook. "I don't think that's possible Kirill. I will always love you more."

[calypsosystem]

After listening to the tme covers by chonny jash i will now assign the mental illness girlies as card suites

Heart: the suit of hearts and chalices

the chalice can hold things from water to wine, but the person wielding the cup has to be careful or else it’ll spill (its a metaphor 😳!) to empathize is important too, for as emotional as heart is, he cannot see (literally) how mind feels, or doesn’t choose to empathize with him, instead of viewing mind as “just like him but dealing with the situation in a different way” he views mind as a machine.

Mind: the suit of spades and swords

Logical and commanding, he wants actions from the heart but he won’t listen to how heart feels. like a sword, it can be used to protect those you love but again, if you aren’t careful, you can deeply wound those you love. In the mind electric, mind at the end is saying that he is trying to find a way to fix themselves and that heart is holding them back, when in reality its their lack of understanding of each other thats causing so much distress. he criticizes heart, but fails to understand that heart is only reacting to mind’s actions, and that heart is deeply wounded (and probably wants a hug ngl)

Soul: suit of spades and wands

To wield a wand is to exert control over something and use it,even if its as simple as a wand. Ego and ambition, a wand is an extension of the person’s goals and body, soul is laid back and more grey, i dont know if this is true but i kinda got the vibe that soul didn’t want to pick a side with heart or mind and thats the point, he wants them to stop, and hes doing everything he can to get them to stop. “I won’t hesitate to kill my heart and mind.” I dont think hes exaggerating, maybe its still a threat but more like a last ditch effort to get them to stop. But the fighting is not the reason they are the way they are, (atleast in my interpretation). The fighting is because of the event, trauma or whatever, it caused them so much damage that it manifested internally but i dont think Soul believes it. Soul is not targeting the actual reason mind and heart are fighting, just the fact they are fighting. He assumes the role of the self, the “true self” even tho, they are all equally themselves, just incomplete. Soul is determined but misguided. He reads to me like a parent who sent their two arguing children to their rooms when they fight, it doesn’t address the reason they fought, so it builds resentment.

Whole: the suit of diamonds and pentacles:

I’m the least familiar with whole other than the “we’re going to win” cover, but they are whole to some extent. Albeit twistedly since they end up back where they started. The opportunities are open but just out of reach before old habits start to form, the groundedness of whole is taken once again and the cycle repeats. It’s possible to be whole, but unless HMS are truly at peace with themselves then the cycle will repeat. Day and night, they can’t be okay until they truly trust and relinquish the need to control the others.

Guide sheet:

suit of spades/swords (action, logical and rational)

suit of clubs/wands (power, ego, intuition and ambition)

suit of diamonds/coins/pentacles (opportunities, practicality and grounded)

suit of hearts/chalices (emotions, opinions and being born with abilities to see things others cant)

[aromanticannibal]

amateur art advice from an amateur artist.

disclaimer. this isn't for people who want to make art their jobs (some of the advice may be useful to you, but some will very much not be). keep that in mind.

1. it's okay if you're not good. seriously. what matters is that you're creating and having fun (and if you're not having fun, perhaps there's something wrong).

good is subjective. when I was 13 and I drew big pretty anime eyes for the first time, I was super happy! and for me, it looked good. and it still looks good for someone out there, just like how people tell you how good your art looks when you think it's mediocre. it's not. your art is good, because you made it. Its true quality does not matter until you need it to for work. You're still learning, be good to yourself.

2. you've heard the PRACTICE advice from everyone ever, so I'll go with something different : try new stuff.

for all the summer holidays of 2021, I didnt draw at all, only doodled silly cats because yknow. mental illness. when I drew again, I tried drawing a full body pose, which I never succeeded in doing before. and I did it! obviously it wasn't perfect, but it was the best ive ever done. and now im pretty okay with drawing poses!

so try new stuff. try to draw busts from another angle, try to draw profiles. draw noses, draw combat poses, draw folds and old people and fat people and black people because i know most of the starting artists start with one type of character and stick to it (for me, it was front facing busts of skinny white girls with straight hair and no nose).

this also counts for objects, and animals, try to draw them (and try to draw people if you've only ever drawn animals or objects)

and again, it does not matter if it doesn't look good at first. don't get discouraged. your favorite artists have something they struggle with, the most famous and respected artists have struggled with some things and probably still disliked some parts of their work at their peak.

3. look at people. try to draw who you see. if you don't get out much or are scared to draw people when they're with you, then draw from photographs you have, or references (im begging new artists to look at references of actual human people. I'm on my knees. references are important, study what you see).

study your own face! when you take selfies or when you put on makeup or even just when you see your reflection - if you can, look at your face, the shape of your eyes, your nose, your lips, your face. I rediscovered this year that I actually have freckles and realized I have more of them on one side than the other. I realized my face is actually pretty androgynous and I have a soft square jaw. look at people. look at yourself, look at everything around you.

4. learn and try the tips other artists give you. once someone said that to draw both eyes the same way, you had to draw them at the same time, step by step, instead of doing one then the other. and it works! for me at least. don't be afraid to try stuff. you don't even have to keep doing it if you don't like how it looks or doesn't fit with your style, that's fine! just try to do things for a while, and if in the end it doesn't work out, you at least know this is a thing that exists and you know it doesn't work for you. knowledge is useful.

5. STOP. BEING. SO. HARD. ON. YOURSELF.

no one cares there's 10 years old kids who can draw better than you. no one cares you're starting at 30 years old, or 40, 50, any age that isn't teenagehood. and if there's people who care, they should not. you should draw because you want to. if drawing isn't making you happy, then stop, or try something else. if you are able, take art classes! do whatever makes you happy and stop thinking what you're doing is cringe, or bad, or ugly. it does not matter. what matters is if you're having fun or not. how "cringe" or "basic" it is does not matter.

I hope you keep loving art and I hope you keep doing art because there are people who want to see it. even if you think it's mediocre, even if it really is, even if you're a beginner. I hope you never stop doing art because you think it's never going to amount to anything.

good luck doing art, and have fun!

[fixieyea]

Hi again,i'm the person i aksed you which therapy working with to deal with depression issues in general,just to thank you for your response. In my case,i've been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder,a difficult to cure disorder,needed long term therapy and there is no guarantee for a quick fix solution,i've tried supportive psychotherapy and schema therapy,both didn't helped me to ease the symptoms,due to expensive cost i just stopped.I don't know how to cope with loneliness,isolation.

hey there! I struggle with multiple mental illnesses, chronic depression being one of them. I have done Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy for 10 years, i was recommended schema therapy, CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy). In all honesty i don't believe therapy alone will help, i do a combination of different things here is what helps me: - wake up early in the morning at the same time (routine is helpful) - work out first thing in the morning - breakfast shower (<all these points are my morning routine) -feed myself good quality food - walk with my dog or take my dog to a dog park (everyday) -i think animals in general help - hobbies that help you feel better ( dance, music, theater whatever you like! this is really important, they are my reason to get up in the morning even if I'm not in the mood, i always feel better. - how many hours do you spend on your phone scrolling endlessly? this is a major trigger for me that's why i go off an on social media and i have found that I'm happier without it. - careful who you surround yourself with , friends , partners - i drink alcohol once a month on a special occasion - drug wont help :) - mediation ( HATE THIS ONE atm, its soo hard I'm avoiding it , i remember when i starting getting up at 6 i HATED it and now it comes naturally, so in time i trust that meditation will to) i think for me to live with your depression is to understand your self, avoid things that trigger you until you find a way to endure the trigger until it no longer triggers. Also i think you need to find how to sooth yourself, when to be understanding with you falling behind and when you need to get up and go do that thing that you are dreading. personality disorders can be difficult but i have found that talking about my feelings with my people and not just therapists help me understand that although certain things I'm feeling are really intense a real there is another way to look at them. _____ I don't know how to cope with loneliness,isolation.

you are not weird for feeling that way, i feel alone too, and so do a lot of other people, even people who do not struggle with mental illness.

go socialize! joining cyclist bike rides or whatever you like that can also be free!,,, do something to meet new people and be a part of something.

hey you can even, download tinder talk to people!

ps. Sorry for the late reply! ps.. let me know how it goes :)