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mistyresolve · 2 years ago

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| His Foresight - Simon “Ghost” Riley X Medic!Reader (Part 3)

Word Count - 3.7k

Summary - It’s been a couple months since you last had contact with Lt. Simon Ghost Riley. While you are repairing your tarnished reputation, Simon is on the other side working from the shadows and doing everything he can to take back his words. It isn’t until the three-month marker that you finally face him again, this time you’re willing to hear him out. If only because you guys are going to be team members.

Tags/Warnings - Blood and Injury, Depictions of war and violence, Explicit Language, Character Death, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Maybe a little bit of angst, Mentions of childhood trauma

A/N - as we near the end of this storyline I would like to thank everyone for their love and support and I appreciate every one of you guys 🤍🤍🤍 I am also going to post a brief POV from Ghost later, and one more part, two at tops.

Part 1 ❤︎ Part 2

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It had been a month since you last spoke with Ghost and since then you learned three things. The first was that he truly was a ghost. He haunted hallways and existed only in rumors and whispers. He made himself seen only when he wanted to be. For the rest of his assignment, he kept his distance. You figured since you have yet to see him it was because he was better at spotting you first and turning in the other direction. Soap would still drop by and fill you in on the latest 141 gossip. It didn’t go over your head that Soap never had any gossip about Ghost. Never once did Soap mention him. Whether Soap figured out that something had gone down on his own or forced it out of Ghost himself was a mystery. You didn’t have the energy or care to ask.

The second is that whatever he had been previously telling the higher up was either rescinded or someone had put in a good word about you. If it was Ghost or not, you also didn’t know. Nor did it matter if it was him, the damage was done. You put your hand up for every opportunity, followed every rule, and every patient that came to you left you with positive feedback. You were an HR dream.

The third was that you missed his company. Even a month after you were still fuming, still ready to rip his tongue out should you see him again. Still heartbroken and yet some part of you still missed Ghost. You kept a very tight leash on that part of you and squashed it beneath your boot. How was it fair that his fuck up, and his selfishness resulted in you losing a friend. It wasn’t, and that’s what you were most bitter about.

After two months, you have decided to let go of the anger and hurt. It wasn’t going to help you now. You kept yourself preoccupied with work and more work. You were still based in the new camp, now dubbed Fort Cardinal, which has since become one of the biggest bases.

You were just leaving the mess hall after breakfast when you were intercepted in the hallway.

“L/n?” the private asked.

“Yes?” your brows furrowed.

“Crawford wants to speak to you. He’s in his office.”

Crawford was the commanding officer, and when he summoned someone to his office it could mean only a few things. Most of them were bad. You pivoted and headed towards HQ. You might have taken the scenic route too. Pausing at the entrance to Crawfords office. “Sir,” you stood by the doorway waiting for your CO to acknowledge you, “you requested I come to see you.”

He looked up from the files splayed out on his desk, “Take a seat.”

You pulled out a chair opposite him, your palms began to sweat and you wiped them on your pants. Racking your brain to try and remember if you had done something wrong, or inappropriate, but came up blank.

“How many years have you been with us?” he questioned, folding his hands over the papers.

“Four, Sir,” you straightened your back and squared your shoulders.

He stared at you for a second, his face hard, before nodding and looking back to the papers. They were your files. A collection of reports and logs and records, “It’s of my understanding that you’ve voiced your desire for a transfer.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Since your enlistment, your peers and superiors have had nothing but good things to say about you. Your records show that you excelled in both the field and the classroom. Never missed a work day, never late,” he began listing things off from the note in front of him. You couldn’t tell if he was impressed or irritated, and it was psyching you out. He paused as he flipped through, “Have you fully recovered from your injury?”

“Healed like a dream,” you offered him a tight-lipped smile. It did, after the first couple of weeks you were back at work in full force.

“Good to hear,” he flipped a page back so it was facing you, “Any idea what this might have been for?” It would have looked the same as any other report aside from the fact that it was entirely redacted. Whatever was written beneath had been obscured by a thick black line.

You leaned forward, your smile fading into a frown. You shook your head, “I have no idea. No.” This was the first time you saw your files all laid out like this, so you were just as lost as him. Whoever redacted it must have been of higher status than him if even he didn’t know. Then again, you weren’t sure about what happened behind closed doors. You met his eyes, trying to read what he was thinking and when you couldn’t you wanted to melt into your seat.

“There’s been an opening,” he leaned back in his chair, “Aerospace medicine has requested a combat medic. It’ll be a one year contract. Should you take this position you will be sent out for a three week training program and your first assignment will be right after that. ”

If it weren’t for those four years of service and learning that people like your CO didn’t like a show of emotions you would have hopped around his office. So, you remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

“The captain of Special Task Forces 141 has requested you himself for their next mission.”

Your heart dropped.

“Captain Price?” you echoed. Maybe it was a different 141.

“Correct,” he waved a hand, his patience shortening, “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” you answered before you could think it over, and he excused you before you could process your answer. This was what you had been asking for, what you were working towards, and now that it had been offered to you you were left uneasy. Working with the 141 was an honour and a nod to your capabilities. It also meant working with Lt. Simon Riley. You couldn’t unscramble your feelings about the implications.

You determined that professionalism would yield the best outcome.

You were packed and heading out for your training by lunch.

When you entered the briefing room, it was as relaxed as you expected from the 141. Which was not at all. The air was thick and sober. You were half an hour early and still the last to arrive.

“Morning,” Price stepped around the table everyone was surrounding.

“Good morning,” you replied, making your way to the table. Laswell met up with you during your training to give you a rundown on what to expect. You were going to be their combat medic, yes, but you could fight and shoot just as well as any other soldier. You even had the grounds to brag about your close combat skills. Laswell was visibly pleased when you told her your dad forced you into mixed martial arts when you were ten years old, and could take down a full-grown man like he was a bag of flour.

You scanned the table and the map splayed out was a replica of the one Laswell had provided. You tried to hide the smile and pointed to the empty medicine vial on the map, “Is that supposed to be me?”

“Aye,” Soap puffed his chest out, “that was my doing.”

When you looked up at Soap, you purposefully ignored the large burly man dressed in all black beside him, “Creative,” you noted how Ghost seemed to shrink back into the shadows at your indifference towards him.

Soap had actually picked everyone's avatar, a sniper bullet, a lighter, a toy skeleton, and an angel wing that looked like it used to be a necklace, and a battery. You couldn’t decide whether to laugh at the figurines or the fact that everyone accepted them.

Price ran through the plan, the target, and his expectations of everyone. He revealed that the target was going to be “Cameron Rowe” , a former sergeant turned rogue. His headshot was stabbed into the table with a knife. You recognized it as Ghosts, the blade usually fixed to his thigh.

“Since we have no real idea as to where Rowe will be we’ll be splitting off into teams.” You had to suck your lips into your mouth to keep from making an argument when Price moved your vial next to the skeleton on the map. “Soap and Laswell with nest at the top of these two buildings,” he pointed to the two highrises in front and behind Rowe’s apartment building. “Doc and Ghost will take watch at the port,” he dragged his finger to the loading docs, which was usually Rowe’s meeting place. “Gaz and I will be tailing his informers and hopefully, catch them in the act.”

You had a sneaking suspicion they stuck you with Ghost was to balance out the teams. Ghost was a one man army, you were basically going to keep him company. Or so they thought. You didn’t plan on sharing a single conversation with him, and you knew you could easily hold your own. The 141 had plans of not only taking down Rowe but finding out whoever he was working with. So, they couldn’t just pick him off in his apartment building.

After the briefing and everyone knew their role people started to filter back out. You stayed behind to speak with Price, having a few questions of your own.

“Captain,” you started and he turned back around, “Why ask for me?” This assignment was only temporary, you weren’t a part of the 141, but Price could have picked anyone in the world to help with this job.

“I read your file,” he closed the door behind him, coming to meet you by the table again, “You have an impressive background, and it makes me wonder why you chose the medical field.”

You were at the top of your class for both basics and medical school, so it was a genuine curiosity. He also probably had access to your life before enlistment, “It’s what I wanted,” was the only answer you could give him, and it’s the only one you had.

He hummed, his eyes turning to slits, “Then why agree?”

“I’ve been waiting for something like this since day one. How was I supposed to say no?” You’ve been waiting for an opportunity to show your versatility. This mission might have been overkill but it was what you wanted. Beggars can’t be choosers.

“You’re a strange one,” Price crossed his arms over his chest, “You’ll fit in great,” he looked like he had something else to say but changed his mind. He tilted his head towards the door, “Better go and get some rest, we leave at 0400 tomorrow.”

You nodded, parting off with a “Thank you,” before heading to the door.

“Can we talk?” Ghost was waiting outside the door when you left the room.

You shot him a blank look, “About?” you kept walking down the hall not waiting to hear his answer.

He followed after you, “I want to apologize.”

You exited the building and met with a blast of the hot sticky air of summer, the sun was getting low in the sky, “Go ahead, Judas” you turned to him, making eye contact with his chest. You gritted your teeth when you had to look up at him, “I’ll keep it civil for the sake of the mission but I don’t want to be your friend.”

His shoulders loosened as if he had just received the best news, “I understand,” he shifted back on his feet, his tired eyes scanning the area, before returning to you, “I was out of line. I was mixing private affairs with work, I see that now. And I’m sorry. I was being selfish and I wasn’t taking your needs and wants into consideration. So, if you’ll give me some grace and let me show you how good I can be.”

“Keep your fingers out of my business and I’ll think about it,” you quipped.

He lifted his hands before him, splaying his fingers out before curling them into a fist, “They’re put away,” he might have broken your trust and crossed you but he was still the friend you lost and missed. He was going to have to work for it either way. This was a start.

“We can talk more later,” where there were fewer listening ears and watchful eyes. “I’ll come to you when I’m good and ready. For now, just stay away from me,” you’d think after 3 months you’d have figured out what you’d say to him, but you didn’t. And tomorrow you were going to be trapped in a room with him, so you were going to have to cross your t's and dot your i’s tonight to present them to him for tomorrow.

He physically flinched at the dismissal, but he took a step back, providing you with space, “Of course.”

Your chest twisted at the sight, you didn’t like treating him like a disease, but you refused to let it blind you of the truth. Still. You sighed, cursing yourself for what you were about to say, “Thank you, for apologizing.”

His eyes crinkled in the corners and you could have sworn they gave way to a smile. The awe-worthy occurrence was sadly hidden underneath his mask. You rolled your eyes at him before pivoting and walking towards the barracks.

You sat with Laswell on a stray crate on the tarmac while you waited for the rest of the team to arrive. The two of you just people watched, with her occasionally pointing someone out and telling you a little about them. This guy was grounded a couple of weeks ago because he arrived at work still drunk from the night before. That guy had a crazy, entitled wife.

The chopper started its engine and was ready for lift-off at exactly 0359.

“Doc, about our talk yesterday. I also figured you want to take part and get some revenge for yourself,” Price bellowed over the sound of the chopper, and he ducked below the propellers. Realization sprung to life in your chest. Price had asked for you to be on this mission because you had something to gain from it. This Rowe guy, this squealer had been the one to rat out the convoy to the enemy. He was the reason you were injured, and the reason Butters was dead. This wasn’t the sleight of hand of Ghost but Price. It put your nerves at ease and allowed you to be a little less angry with the former.

“I appreciate it, Sir,” you nodded at Price. He clapped a hand over your shoulder and hopped into the helicopter after you. Being squished between Price and Soap made you feel a little safer with the fact that there were no doors on the heli. Ghost took his spot on the side of the heli, letting his legs hang out the side, his gun at the ready. Gaz sat opposite him and Laswell adjacent to you. Her pack and gun took up an entire seat. She reached into her front pouch as the heli lifted off the ground, pulling out a chocolate bar. Your mouth watered. Chocolate was hard to come back at base, people traded whole MREs for one bar. Soap handed you a headset for the chopper just as she noticed your drooling expression.

“If you promise you can get an appointment with the chiro, I’ll give you some,” she waggled the bar in front of her, a trade.

“I know both the chiropractor and the masseuse,” you countered. She made a look of delight, before reaching into her pack and tossing you your own bar.

Oh, you liked her.

You stuffed the back into the small day pack at your feet, saving it for later. Acutely aware that if you opened it here at least two people on this aircraft would put their hand out for a piece. You eyed Gaz and Soap.

The helicopter had been an hour's flight, and they had landed on a field. Without permission, you might add so you had to be quick on the exit. A line of blacked-out SUVs and trucks was waiting for a quick escape. Price ordered everyone to join up with their duo, and head to their discussed position.

Ghost strode for one of the SUVs, opening the back to place his pack and guns. He stepped to the side to allow you to do the same and closed it after you. He was spinning the keys around his finger when he turned to you, “Who’s driving?”

You didn’t respond, instead, you opened the passenger door and slid in. From the side mirror, you could see him look up at the sky, take a couple of deep breaths, then clasp his hands together before moving to enter the car. He was silent the rest of the way, his attention on the road. Even through the mask, you could see his jaw tighten and flex.

He parked the SUVs at the back of the building, between the wall and another vehicle. He lead you into the building, a warehouse or collection center of some sort into the offices on the second floor. He pointed out exit routes and potential areas to hold our position. The gravity of his pointing stuff out like that said a lot about how he thought this mission was going to pan out. The thought should have frightened you but knowing that the Ghost was fighting on the same side as you had the opposite effect. The office he brought you into was already vacant, with nothing but an empty desk and a chair on each side. He locked the door and placed his gun on the desk, and informed Price over the radio that we were in place. You made your way to the window, pulling one of the vanes down to peek outside. The window gave a good view of the entrance of the port and a decent view of the sea cans.

“How long will he have to camp out here?” you asked, letting go of the blinds.

“The day. Maybe into tomorrow,” he shrugged, as he started pulling things from his pack, “Depends on Rowe, really. Price and Gaz have the biggest probability of catching him. Laswell is going to be our eyes in the sky, and Soap already has access to the cameras in Rowe’s apartment, and a couple in this harbour.”

You took a seat in one of the swivel chairs, “And you?”

He paused, his eyes refusing to meet yours, “I’m more for after we catch him,” he cleared his throat. The question made him awkward, he didn’t want you to know what exactly it was that he did. You had your ideas and presumptions already but his hesitation had you second guessing.

“You the one who’s going to get the information out of him?” he picked up one of the blades he had laid out on the desk, turning it over in your hand. He watched you, following your movements with predatory grace.

“Is that why I’m here?” you continued, “To make sure he stays alive long enough to give you that information?” He was the butcher and you were the surgeon. A strange dichotomy.

He stilled, “I don’t want you to see it.”

“It”, being what he was going to do. What he was trained to do. What he was good at. You placed the knife back on the table, pushing away with the wheels on the chair. You prepared yourself for the upcoming confession. Playing this out in your head last night was way easier than actually doing it.

“You know, I think you and I have very similar pasts,” you looked down at your hands, at the lines and curves etched into them.

“Don’t say that,” he shook his head, and his shoulders rolled forward.

“I also think we took very different paths, though,” you saw it in his eyes the moment you met, the wounds that were too deep to see on the surface. It was why you understood him, and why you were going to forgive him, “You don’t have to hide it from me, Riley. I’ve seen the worst in humanity, and I know that you are nothing like them”

You didn’t think he was breathing, didn’t think he was in his body. When you met his stare, his eyes were wide, and his pupils were pinpricks. You stood up from the chair and walked to his side of the table, “Can I touch you?”

It was barely noticeable but he nodded. You wrapped your arms underneath his arm and pressed your cheek to his shoulder. He immediately returned the gesture, his arms encircling your shoulders, his one hand reaching up to cradle your head to him. He released a shuddering breath, and if you closed your eyes and focused hard enough you could hear his heart hammering against his chest.

“There isn’t anything you can do that will make me think you're a monster,” you whispered into his shoulder, “Aside from maybe sabotaging my career,” it was almost a joke.

“Noted,” you could hear the smile in between his words. Feel the relief thawing his muscles. You pulled back just as Soap and Laswell confirmed their position. Ghost took a step back himself, “We should get set up.”

He pushed the desk so it was against the same wall as the window, propping his gun onto and looked down the scope to the entrance of the port.

You settled down and at the end of the desk, it was going to be a long, boring wait. You set to counting the bullets in the magazine Ghost pulled from his pack if only to find something to distract yourself. You were elated when he pulled a deck of cards from his pack and the two of you played a couple of rounds of poker, then switched to go fish. There was also the occasional chatter about what each other did in the three months you were separated. The both of you had become incredibly busy.

It was nearing dusk by the time anything of importance aired over the radio.

Price’s eager voice came through, “Ghost, Doc, we’re following the informants to the port. Be at the ready.”

Part 3.5, Part 4

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A/N - the sniper bullet is Soap, the lighter is Price, the toy skeleton is Ghost, the angel wing is Gaz, and the battery is Laswell. Also, also, Price is definitely playing Cupid.

Tag List - @thychuvaluswife ❤︎ @shuttlelauncher81 ❤︎ @marytvirgin ❤︎ @stickygumchewer ❤︎ @lauraliisa ❤︎ @jungcoccc ❤︎ @lovelyladymayyyy ❤︎ @lululandd ❤︎ @chrissyfishywissy ❤︎ @naxxsstuff ❤︎@sididakra-jo, @yukisawer ❤︎ @q8852p ❤︎ @lostinsideourminds ❤︎ @kat-nee

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #cod ghost #ghost mw2 #MW2 #cod #simon ghost riley fanfiction #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley angst #simon riley x reader #cod x reader #mw2019 #mw2022 #call of duty #MistyGhosties

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chuuyaandreaderkilldazai · 7 months ago

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Ranking JJK Characters I Don't Like

Ranging from mild dislike (14) to LOATHE WITH EVERY INCH OF MY BEING (1).

14. Mai: I don't hate her. I sympathize with her. I just wish she wasn't the way she is.

13. Junpei: I do have compassion for him, but ... school shooter vibes. Not a fan.

12. Noritoshi: Bad vibes.

11. Toji: Bad dad. And he's so nosy, too. Why does he always insert himself into situations with his fists swinging? Actually, now that I think about it, that's kind of iconic behavior. But all it ever really did was create more problems. If he had never inserted himself into the plot, Geto would have probably never turned mass-murderer-cult-leader--WE COULD HAVE HAD EVERYTHING. So it's a pass for me. Also, his haircut is off-putting for reasons I cannot articulate. It's like one day in middle school he got a haircut and just never changed up the style ever again.

10. Jogo: Ugly.

9. Uraume: Character design: slay. Helping Sukuna: not slay.

8. Like every adult from the Zenin clan: BECAUSE THEY SUCK.

7. Tengen: Old and entitled.

6. Kenjaku: Old and entitled part two. What gives him the right?

5. Sukuna: Horrid, nasty man. I feel like I shouldn't have to elaborate.

4. Ui Ui: Annoying. Literally, why are you even here?

3. Mei Mei: First of all, how am I supposed to take you seriously with that stupid braid hanging in front of your face? From the very instant her character was introduced, I did not like her, but I thought maybe I was being a woman hater for no reason, so I really did try to tolerate her. But when we finally saw that scene in season two. PRISON!!! I was right. She's the worst. We are not gonna ignore that. Check her files.

2. That thing with the blond side ponytail: I hate him so much I don't even know his name. I don't care to know it. I would say why do you as a man look like that, but honestly why do you as a HUMAN BEING look like that? Why do you act like that? Why are you skipping around wearing a poorly made DIY toga? Whole nip is hanging out, and no one asked to see that. Why are you HOLDING HANDS with your blade? Freak. There is something so intrinsically, inherently, ONTOLOGICALLY wrong with him, you can't even blame it on childhood trauma or a personality disorder. The only time I ever supported Sukuna was when he bullied this emaciated Jo Jo Siwa lookin' thing in Shibuya.

Mahito: I hate him so much. I hate him more than I've ever hated any character. I actually lose the ability to speak coherently when I think about him because I hate him so much. I think it's so cringe when try-hard dudes say, "When I'm angry all I see is red." But when I think about Mahito it really is like blood and pure rage cloud my vision. He is literally the embodiment of if you gave an edge lord psychopathic eleven year old the power to kill people. "Wee, I'm so powerful and killing people is just SoooOoOoOoOOOo much fun!!" SHUT UP!!!!!!!! SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. YOU ARE NOT CUTE. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL IN ANY WAY. He is genuinely the most irritating character I have ever come across. And as the story progresses, he just gets worse. What do you mean he can duplicate himself? Now we have to deal with TWO of this wretched creature? What do you mean he can be decapitated AND HIS HEAD WILL SPROUT LIMBS AND SPRINT AWAY? STOOOOOOOOOP. AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HAPPENED TO NANAMI--I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. Mahito is such a nasty, slithy, bothersome, despicable, nauseating little cockroach. "Yuji, you and I are the same." Huh? You thought you did something there, didn't you? You thought you ate and came up with some kind of deep, revolutionary concept? It's giving pretentious philosophy dude who thinks he's superior for being a little contrarian, nihilistic Nietzsche butt licker. When Yuji finally humbled him, I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed seeing the fear in his eyes. For one brief, fleeting moment, I could finally understand what sadists must feel like. Honestly, we deserved to watch him suffer, and I wish he would have suffered far more for far longer. Rot in anguish, Mahito. You will not be missed nor forgiven.

#long time no see #life been lifing #i need surgery :(#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #mai zenin #junpei yoshino #noritoshi kamo #toji fushiguro #jogo #uruame #tengen jjk #kenjaku #ryomen sukuna #ui ui #mei mei #mahito #hater

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she-is-ovarit · 1 year ago

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Detransitioner news

I have been thinking about detransitioners lately and wanted to compile articles I have been seeing. This will be a longer post and reblogged for part II as I hope to copy and paste brief portions of the articles under each headline.

Law firm for detransitioners opens in Dallas

In all of the controversy around gender transition, there is one group that is persistently marginalized by both the right and left. They are known as detransitioners — people who decide that they want to return to their birth gender, often after receiving years of interventional care, including surgery, to treat their gender dysphoria. Now, the nation’s first law firm focused solely on representing these patients — many of whom feel abused by a medical system that encouraged their treatment — has opened its doors in Dallas. It could forever change how hospitals and doctors approach what’s known as gender-affirming care.

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Fenway Community Health Center in Boston, the largest provider of transgender medicine in New England and one of the leading institutions of its kind in the United States, was named a defendant in a lawsuit filed last month. The plaintiff, a gay man who goes by the alias Shape Shifter, argues that by approving him for hormones and surgeries, Fenway Health subjected him to “gay conversion” practices, in violation of his civil rights. Carlan v. Fenway Community Health Center is the first lawsuit in the United States to argue that “gender-affirming care” can be a form of anti-gay discrimination. The case underscores an important clinical reality: gender dysphoria has multiple developmental pathways, and many who experience it will turn out to be gay. Even the Endocrine Society concedes that many of the youth who outgrow their dysphoria by adolescence later identify as gay or bisexual. Decades of research confirm as much. Gender clinicians in the U.K. used to have a “dark joke . . . that there would be no gay people left at the rate [the Gender Identity Development Service] was going,” former BBC journalist Hannah Barnes reported. Rather than help young gay people to accept their bodies and their sexuality, what if “gender-affirming” clinicians are putting them on a pathway to irreversible harm?

Due partly to Shape’s lifelong difficulty in accepting himself as gay, his lawyers are not taking the usual approach to detransition litigation. Rather than state a straightforward claim of medical malpractice or fraud, they allege that Fenway Health has violated Section 1557 of the Affordable Care Act (ACA), which bans discrimination “on the basis of sex” in health care. In 2020, the Supreme Court ruled in Bostock v. Clayton County that “discrimination because of . . . sex” includes discrimination based on homosexuality. Citing this and other precedents, Shape’s lawyers argue that federal law affords distinct protections to gay men and lesbians—upon which clinics that operate with a transgender bias are trampling. Shape grew up in a Muslim country in Eastern Europe that he describes in an interview as “very traditional” and “homophobic.” His parents disapproved of his effeminate demeanor and interests as a child. They wouldn’t let him play with dolls, and his mother, he says, made him do stretches so that he would grow taller and appear more masculine. At 11, Shape had his first of several sexual encounters with older men. “I was definitely groomed,” he recounts. Shape proceeded to develop a pattern of risky sexual behavior, according to his legal complaint. He told his medical team at Fenway Health about his childhood sexual experiences, calling them “consensual.” The Fenway providers never challenged him on this interpretation, he alleges. They never suggested that he might have experienced sexual trauma or, say, explored how these events might have shaped his feelings of dissociation. (The irony is that Fenway Health describes its model of care as “trauma-informed.”)

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Ontario detransitioner who had breasts and womb removed sues doctors

An Ontario detransitioning woman who had her breasts and womb removed to change her gender to male is suing medical and health practitioners for failing to consider other treatments during her mental health crisis before ushering her on an irreversible journey she regrets. Michelle Zacchigna, 34, of Orillia, Ont., north of Toronto, names eight health professionals, including doctors, psychologists, a psychotherapist and a counsellor in a lawsuit filed in Ottawa. None of the defendants, who work or worked at various clinics and institutions in southern Ontario, responded to requests for comment on the lawsuit prior to deadline. Four of the defendants have filed notices of intent to defend against the suit in Ontario Superior Court, but no statements of defense have been filed. None of the claims have been tested in court. Zacchigna said she faces an uphill battle in her lawsuit. “I’ve been under the impression that all medical malpractice suits are challenging. Doctors win the majority of cases in Canada,” she told National Post. “It’s very much a David vs. Goliath undertaking.” In her statement of claim filed in court in November, Zacchigna says she had difficulty forming relationships with classmates in elementary school and was often bullied. By the time she was 11, she engaged in self-harming behaviour, including cutting her arm with a knife. This continued into early adulthood. When she was 20, she tried to kill herself and she was referred by her family doctor for psychotherapy, where she was treated for social anxiety and clinical depression. She remained unhappy and depressed, and her mental health decline led to her dropping out of university, according to her claim. About a year into therapy, she engaged with an online community around gender nonconformity. “Michelle came to believe that her biological sex of female did not match her true gender identity of male,” her claim says. “She further came to believe that this mismatch between her biological sex and gender identity was causing her feelings of depression, self-harming behaviour and unease in her body, a mental health condition commonly known as gender dysphoria,” her claim states. This was the first time Zacchigna felt she was born in the wrong body, and she had not previously identified as male, her claim says. “However, as a result of what she read on the internet, she became convinced that she was a transgender man, and that once she embraced this new identity, her depression would subside.” Zacchigna started attending a support group in Toronto for people considering gender transition. A counsellor there told her of opportunities to proceed through a medical transition, her claim says. Zacchigna was invited to apply for medical intervention in 2010. The counsellor wrote a recommendation letter outlining a medical history that didn’t fully match her real past, the claim says. The counsellor didn’t recommend any alternatives, or seek confirmation of Zacchigna’s own diagnosis of gender dysphoria. Her regular therapist also wrote a recommendation for transition treatment, saying Zacchigna was an “ideal candidate for hormone therapy,” even though the therapist had no previous transgender clients, according to the claim.

Part II incoming.

#detrans #detransition #desist #ftm detransition #mtf detransition #LGB #gender critical #gender critical feminism #gender ideology

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pragnificent · 8 months ago

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Deeply annoyed to by a post that claims to provide secret information from the novels that NBC HANNIBAL fans don't know, and then like a third of the bullet points are inaccurate, contradicted by other parts of the novel cannon, or a puzzling personal interpretation of the story and characters.

Not at all sure how anyone would conclude that Will is a "misogynist" in the novel.

Dolarhyde is not "into age regression." It's not a kink or something he enjoys. It's a maladapted response to severe childhood trauma.

Hannibal "torturing animals as a child" IS canon to RED DRAGON, insomuch as that's what's in his file, but HANNIBAL RISING retcons this to the point of showing him responding violently towards other children who are cruel to animals. You can decide for yourself which version of the character's backstory you want to believe.

Personally, while I sometimes do like a version of Hannibal who actually has off putting symptoms, I think that it's very unlikely that anyone has access to a reliable record of his childhood. Anything the American psychiatric system knows about Hannibal as a child must have come from Hannibal himself, and you know how he likes to mess around with interviewers.

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lulu2992 · 1 year ago

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From the Inquisitor to the Baptist: The Evolution of John Seed

So who was John Seed, the Inquisitor? And most importantly, who is John Seed, the Baptist?

All the sources and references indicated by the superscript numbers will be given in the last post.

Part 5: Conclusion

It took more than three years to develop Far Cry 5. A lot can change in three years, and as a matter of fact, when it comes to John Seed, a lot did change.

In terms of his appearance, it seems the idea has always been for him to look stylish. He’s always had a dark beard and slicked-back hair, and although its color has varied, a shirt. Then came his vest, sunglasses, watch, coat, earring, belt, and key, and his outfit steadily evolved to become the one we know today. Many tattoos, for the most part inspired by the seven deadly sins or religion in general, gradually appeared on his hands and arms as well.

Before he became “the Baptist”, his title used to be “the Inquisitor”, and although this term is nowhere to be found in Far Cry 5 (or even in its files, from what I’ve seen), John’s Gate was renamed “The Inquisitor’s Grave” in Far Cry New Dawn. Indeed, canonically, his bunker is his “grave” because John either lost his life right outside of it or trying to reach it.

But in my opinion, the Inquisitor didn’t die in Far Cry 5; he was already long dead when the game came out, and the most important and meaningful changes John underwent during development were not of a physical nature.

In terms of his personality and morals, he’s always been a violent man, and while he still brutalizes people in Far Cry 5, evidence suggests he went from a threatening, conceited, hypocritical, and primarily sadistic individual to a more polite-looking, subtle, emotional, and tortured person whose ego is clearly not a big and strong as it seems, or as he wants others to believe.

When he was still called the Inquisitor, John seemed self-assured and to always have everything under control, like nothing could affect him or his (high) opinion of himself, and other people’s feelings didn’t matter. Now, as the Baptist, this air of confidence is more of a facade; he’s emotionally immature, tends to easily lose his temper when things don’t go his way, and his sense of self-worth greatly depends on what he believes his brother Joseph’s opinion of him is.

The Inquisitor looked like an insensitive, somewhat stereotypical torturer (and killer) who, although he seemed to have faith in the Project, would often use it as an excuse to cause harm and satisfy his dark urges. He was cruel and selfish, would never accept responsibility for his actions, and was mainly driven by his desire to inflict pain. The Baptist still hurts and mutilates others, and he may still take satisfaction in what he does, but what apparently counts more for him now is the result. He’s convinced himself that his childhood trauma was in fact a positive and freeing experience and that it could benefit other people, so in his own indisputably unhealthy and harmful way, he tries to “save” them.

The Inquisitor would indulge in his luxurious ranch, think some rules didn’t apply to him, and mostly care about himself and his own pleasure. The Baptist is a perfectionist who doesn’t hesitate to put his comfort aside to achieve his goals, refuses to put himself “on a pedestal”, and can work tirelessly to make his brother proud; this is what drives and obsesses him.

At first glance, it may look like John is still the Inquisitor, and I think it’s interesting that most of the things that can help us see him in a different light (Joseph’s eulogy for him⁵⁵, the message at Seed Ranch⁵⁶, the letter to Terry⁵¹, Hudson’s line⁴⁴) are usually found after his death. In his final moments, John looks heartbroken that the Junior Deputy could never “understand”, “believe” in, and “care” about what he thought he was doing all along: saving people... and that included the two of them. His last words? A prayer for their soul.

It’s only when he’s gone that we’re able to comprehend who John Seed truly was, to see the person behind his carefully crafted image of a self-assured, self-controlled, and strong man. Only when it’s too late can we fully realize that, under the surface and behind the violence, was a deeply flawed individual but also a beautifully complex character, full of contradictions, who knew he wasn’t perfect and spent most of his life trying to meet others’ expectations, or at least what he believed those were, but usually ended up causing much suffering to many people in the process, including himself.

The Inquisitor essentially was a monster without a heart; the Baptist is just a human who never managed to fully open his.

Thank you for reading ♥ Find all sources and references in Part 6!

#far cry 5 #john seed #joseph seed #the deputy #far cry new dawn #far cry 5 spoilers

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ashes-writing-corner · 11 months ago

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A bit of a shorter update tonight guys! But I hope you like it anyway ^^

TW: mentions abuse/childhood trauma, non descriptive.

Taglist: @stargatenovus

Ghosts That We Knew

13- A Dead Man's Letter

You were still on the hunt for a therapist weeks after the confrontation with Ghost. Getting one wasn’t easy, and to be honest you weren’t in any rush to find one. It wasn’t that you had lied to him, at least not intentionally. You had already mentioned you didn’t like therapists, you didn’t trust them. You didn’t want to be just another doctor’s paycheck. It wasn’t like they cared about you anyway. However, to set Ghost’s mind at ease, you told Ellie’s therapist you were searching for one. Thankfully for you, they were more than willing to help you find an ideal one.

For the time being, you were perfectly fine with running your business, which was doing pretty well. Life went on as normal. You kept Simon’s file in a locked safe in your room, so no one could get to it and you still had it close at hand in case you needed it. But on more than one occasion you found an envelope either on your bed, your nightstand, or on the floor in your room. You knew what it was. Simon’s letter. Ghost was asking you to read it, without speaking of course. Needing to regain his strength, he had gone quiet in the weeks following.

You sat in bed, contemplating opening it, when your phone rang. An unknown number…

You didn’t pick it up, as you didn’t pick up unknown numbers. If it was important they’d leave a message. You flipped the silent phone over, thinking it wouldn’t be so distracting as you picked up the envelope. But after a minute, you just decided to put it in the nightstand and just focus on what it was he had written. Taking a slightly shaking breath, you decided to open the letter and give it a read, being delicate so as not to rip anything. The paper was already yellowing a little, meaning he wrote this a good long time ago. You blinked as you took in Simon Riley’s handwriting, which admittedly wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t illegible.

To the poor soul reading this,

Since you’re reading this, two things have happened. 1. I’m dead. And 2. You’re the poor sap who got stuck with this heart. Just to let you know, you’re only one of a few letters I’ll be writing, as I’m hoping all my bits get used. Hell knows I’m not using them anymore.

A heart’s a heavy burden, and believe me I know that better than most. You’ve probably read all my stuff, as I signed the release forms earlier today. Without it, it’d be illegal for you to even see my records. But as the knew…keeper, I guess, for arguably my most important organ, I figured that was important info in there for you to know. But it doesn’t tell you everything. Only what you need to know. Maybe some notes from therapy thrown in for flavor, mental evaluations and all that. But they don’t tell you a damn thing about me. Who I was, what I wanted from life, all of that. Things about me that not even my closest friends know, few as they are. The dreams I had, the hopes I mislaid. They’re not mine anymore. But…I want you to know this: They aren’t yours either.

The truth is, I wanted to spend my life making the world a better place, so no one has to know what it means to suffer the way I did. This isn’t meant for you to pity me, but to understand why I made the decision to become a soldier and a donor. I lived a hard life, came from a bad home with a half mad father and, for a time, a drug abusing brother. I rose above that though, challenging as it was. I got my brother the help he needed, kicked our father out, and did my best to make sure everyone was happy before I made that choice. You, whoever you are, are the last person I’m saving, and the one who’s face at the very least I won’t know. And yet you’re being trusted with the most vital part of me…crazy isn’t it? And I don’t trust easy admittedly.

All I got is one last wish, one last demand. I want you to live. I want you to live your life, and live it in the best way you can. Live it harmlessly, if you can. Help others when you can, but don’t enslave yourself. Live selfishly, at least a little, something I never got to do. Live…fully. I guess is what I’m trying to say.

And drop that thought most likely going through your head: “This heart isn’t mine”. Trust me, it’s yours. It was meant to be yours the second I signed that paper to become a donor. This heart was always mine to lose, and it was always yours to gain. No matter what your silly brain is telling you, I’m telling you this right bloody now: I did not die because of you. You. Did. Not. Do. This. I chose, as I always have. And now you have a choice. Choose better than me. Choose to live your life. Be a bit selfish, because I wasn’t always able to be. But live. Just…live. And know, even though we’ll never meet, know that I’m so proud of you for fighting this battle, whatever it is that landed you this. I’m happy that I got to help you. And now you know the only thing I ask in return.

Live your life. And take care of my heart. It was always meant to be yours, in some way or another…

Stay frosty.

Simon “Ghost” Riley, out.

You didn’t know what to think when you read it. It seemed a bit devoid of emotion, but it was rather matter of fact. The last part got to you. It wasn’t exactly a confession as he stated, but a reiteration of the truth. Simon lived on. Was living on. And he was doing it through you. There was something so humbling about that, now that you were thinking about it with a clearer head. It didn’t entirely change how you felt, but it put it in a different light. The familiar feeling you had at the beginning of your friendship now made more sense. Simon was a part of you now.

Taking your phone out, you decided to see who had called, and lo and behold they left a message. You listened to the voicemail, heart pounding. An unfamiliar male voice sounded.

“Hey, Y/N, I think that’s what Soap called you? Anyway, he told me about your situation. My name’s John Price and I’m also interested in meeting you. I hope you don’t mind, there’s actually two of us coming with him, the other being Kyle Garrick. We look forward to meeting you and hopefully clearing some stuff up” there was a pause before the man continued, “We were there that night, Y/N. The night of your transplant. As I said, I can’t wait to meet you, and I hope you and your kiddo are doing okay. Don’t hesitate to give me, Soap, or Gaz a ring, alright?” he proceeded to give you the number of their last member, Kyle Garrick, before ending the message.

You almost dropped the phone.

They were there.

They. were. there…

If you guys enjoyed this please consider liking, reblogging, and commenting! Yall seriously give me life and keep me motivated! Thank you so much ^^

#fanfiction #cod fanfic #simon ghost riley #ghosts that we knew #ghost x reader #ghost!ghost #paranormal friendship #eventual paranormal romance

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cienie-isengardu · 1 year ago

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Jango Fett and Walon Vau: The Laws, Orders, Jaster Mereel and True Mandalorians (pre-Galidraan)

for @delkios, I promise, this is about Jango and Vau but I needed to talk about Jaster first

previous part: Age Difference & Childhood Trauma

Jango Fett: Open Seasons comics and Fact Files established that between Korda VI and Galidraan passed 8 years and during that time Fett (14 - 22 years old) was hunting down Tor Vizsla and Death Watch.

Before I will bring sources and additional commentary for Galidraan, let’s take a moment to establish some available facts about True Mandalorians and Jango.

[...] The orphan was adopted by Jaster Mereel and the Mandalorians - a legendary band of mercenaries with a reputation for ruthless efficiency. Jango was forced to adapt to the Mandalorian way of life. He travelled with the nomadic warriors, learning their code of honour and familiarizing himself with their state-of-the-art equipment. The guidance of Jaster Mereel, and an allegiance to the Mandalorian community, helped compensate Jango for the loss of the mother and father he had hardly known. After Jaster’s death, Jango became leader of the Mandalorians. [Fact Files #22]

[...] As a boy, Jango was orphaned when his family was caught in the cross fire between the terrifying Mandalorian Warriors and their rivals, the Death Watch, on the planet Concord Dawn. A sympathetic Mandalorian commander named Jaster Mereel took pity on Jango and made him a cadet. Soon he was traveling with the nomadic army-for-hire as they toured the galaxy looking for a conflict, always in the service of the highest bidder. Over time, Jango rose through the ranks. When Jaster Mereel was killed in battle, Jango was named commander, the youngest in the long history of the notorious mercenary army. Since ancient times, Mandalorians were brutally effective fighters, and especially so under Jango Fett’s leadership. However, while fighting to suppress a popular revolt in the Galidraan system, the Mandalorians ran afoul of the Jedi Knights, who wiped out most of the mercenary army and delivered the survivors to the governor of Galidraan. Jango became a slave, but he used the next several years to regain his strength and plot his eventual escape. He exacted revenge on his captors, reclaimed his Mandalorian armour and set off on his own as a bounty hunter. (Bounty Hunter Game Guide)

True Mandalorians were “looking for a conflict, always in the service of the highest bidder” and described as ruthless and effective, “especially so under Jango Fett’s leadership” which implies a change (improvement) of their army. Jango in general is presented in sources as an excellent warrior and “perfect soldier” however as much as he was admired for his skills and courage, he wasn’t liked that much as a person, quite often considered selfish by his own people:

Republic Commando Order:66

"Well ... if you want something to shine bright, it has to be polished hard." Skirata wondered exactly what Jango would have done if he hadn't been there to stop Orun Wa from having the Null kids put down. Jango talked tough-was tough-but his callous attitude didn't extend to children, however brutal it looked from the outside. "Jango might have been a self-centered chakaar, but don't believe all that bluster about Boba being nothing more than his apprentice. He wanted a son, no doubt about it. He knew what it was to be a kid waiting to die, so I reckon he'd have given the aiwha-bait a good hard kov'nyn and sent him on his way." Shame you didn't do a hit more for the other boys cloned from you, Jang'ika, but I suppose you didn't have much pity left after all that happened to you.

[According to Glossary from Triple Zero, chakaar means in Mando 'a: thief, grave robber, general term of abuse]

"Deserter," the man said no hint of disapproval. "Discharged dead." Fi groped for the words. He knew what he wanted to say, but getting his mouth to obey him was another matter. He could feel sweat beading on his top lip. "Like a regular medical discharge, only a bit more serious." "It's okay, ner vod, you're among friends here," said the man. "Fett was a disgrace for letting the Kaminoans make clones for the Jedi out of him. It's not your fault." "Don't feel sorry for me," Fi said defensively. He didn't want pity. The Kaminoans didn't care any more than Fett did if the clone army was happy and well treated just as long as it won wars, but he'd had Kal Skirata looking out for him. "Our sergeant took good care of us. He adopted me as his son. We did fine." [...] "It's a small planet. A fair few Cuy'val Dar came back here when they'd finished training you." So the guy did know. The Mandalorian training sergeants handpicked by Fett hadn't all been fond of him, but they respected his prowess. And they'd been griping about life in Tipoca City. Well, there were no more secrets left to keep. Everyone knew about the Grand Army of the Republic now. It was dawning slowly on Fi that Fett, Mand'alor and bounty hunter, had been a good advert for Mandalorian grit, but his heroic status wasn't respected by some of his own people. The Alpha ARC clone troopers, hard men literally made in Fett's mold were scared of him, utterly loyal to his orders even after his death. But Fi realized that some Mando'ade here thought he was a selfish chakaar.

"Get it off your chest, Walon," Skirata said. "Come on, ner vod." Vau straightened up. "You never liked Jango, did you?" "I liked him enough. What I didn't like was how he ended up. Jango never gave a toss about anyone but himself. Some Mandalore he turned out to be-he was always away in the latter years, and he was as bad as the Jedi when it came to turning a blind eye to what was happening to his clones. No, Shysa's a fool if he thinks a Fett dynasty is good for Manda'yaim. We're better off without him." "You reckon?" "I do. Sorry, but I do. You suddenly his best mate or something?" Vau suddenly grabbed Skirata by the collar. Shab, he was strong; he almost lifted Skirata bodily as he shoved him against the bulkhead. They'd brawled many times, drawn blood, come close to killing each other, but Skirata had never seen Vau lose his temper, not once. And that was enough to stun him into silence. "Now do you see? Do you?" Vau hissed the sibilant like escaping steam. Mird cowered on the floor, whining softly. "I'm sick to death of your sentimental twaddle about Jango betraying us by letting Kamino use his genes. He did it to stop the Jedi. He did it to create an army strong enough to bring them down. You drone on about the injustice of unelected elites, my little working-class hero-well, now they're gone. Yes, it cost our boys' lives, but the Jedi are gone, gone, gone. And they won't be killing Mandalorians again, not for a long time. Maybe never." Vau was white-faced and trembling. Then he seemed to shake himself out of whatever alien persona had taken hold of him, adjusted his collar, and tugged down the sleeves of his flight suit. He was the ice-cold patrician again. Skirata still couldn't summon up any love or guilt about Jango, but suddenly it made sense, and he knew in his guts that it had been about a lot more than five million creds. Skirata thought of the abuse he’d heaped on Jango. He knew the man; he’d fought with him, in every sense of the word, and he’d also had comradely moments with him. The thought that he might have done him a disservice was one burden of guilt too many. He shut it out. If Jango had been playing the long game, Skirata had never caught a whiff of it. He knew it wasn’t all about the credits. He’d seen Jango cradling Boba in the early days, and that man wanted a son as much as any man ever had. So Skirata hadn’t looked for any motive beyond that. It was the only motive Skirata would have had. “I stand corrected,” said Skirata. How do I apologize? Where do I even start, with the osik I have to deal with now? “So I was wrong about Jango.” And now I know why Shysa wants Jango’s legacy to live on at any cost.

Republic Commando: True Colors

[...] but an ARC who’d gone AWOL was-impossible. Jango Fett had raised and trained them personally, with an emphasis on absolute loyalty to the Republic. Sergeant Kal said that Jango was an unhinged shabuir, but he always stuck to his contract, and that contract had included creating a loyal, totally reliable army. Darman had heard rumors to the contrary, and the Nulls were living crazy proof that a clone soldier could be as eccentric and wayward as any random human, but nothing had ever been confirmed.

Side note: From mando'a: shabuir - extreme insult - *jerk*, but much stronger

Republic Commando: Triple Zero

"Ordo, you just flattened an ARC trooper." "He was delaying us." "But you hit him. Twice." "No permanent harm done," Ordo said, lifting his kama to slide over the pillion seat behind Jusik. He sealed his helmet. "You can't convince Alpha ARCs of anything by rational argument. They're every bit as obtuse and impulsive as Fett, believe me."

Granted, the presented opinions are biased and definitely colored by Kamino experiences and post-Galidraan times in which Fett went into bounty hunting business instead of coming back to his shattered people (and in case of clones trained by Kal, also colored by Skirata's opinion of Jango). However Jango was also criticized by various characters as no team-player and in general, tie-in material kept pointing his solitary nature:

Republic Commando: Triple Zero

Skirata had worked out fast that Kaminoans despised everything that didn't fit their intolerant, arrogant society's ideal of perfection. So... they thought Jango's genome wasn't the perfect model for a soldier without a little adjustment, then. Maybe it was his solitary nature; he'd make a rotten infantry soldier. Jango wasn't a team player.

Yes, I know how the Kaminoans did it. They used our genes against us, the ones that make us bond with our brothers, make us loyal, make us respect and obey our fathers-that's what they manipulated to make us more likely to obey orders. They had to remove what made Jango a selfish loner, because that makes a bad infantry soldier, and you can tell from the Alpha ARCS that the Kaminoans weren't wrong. But there's one thing I don't know yet-and that's how they controlled the aging process. That's the key. They robbed us of a full life span. But we will not be defeated by time, ner vod. -ARC Trooper Lieutenant N-7-Mereel-in an encrypted transmission to N-11, Ordo

Internal memo penned by Hali Ke, senior research geneticist, Kamino, 27 BBY (source)

Jango is given to solitude and affects a disdain for human relationships and connections, yet when he agreed to help train our army, he immediately summoned a band of mercenaries who shared his background. And, of course, there is the matter of his fee: Jango seemed barely to care for the considerable sum of five million credits, but was adamant that we create an unaltered clone of himself, whom he now refers to — without a trace of self-consciousness — as his son. I have seen him return to Kamino after killing men for credits, wash the blood out of his starship’s hold, and an hour later be gently talking and playing with young Boba.

Attack of the Clones by R.A. Salvatore

Taun We seemed genuinely perplexed, and so she was, to see a human with so little apparent regard for other humans, clones or not. Of course, hadn't the Kaminoans just created an army for the Republic? There wouldn't be wars without some disagreement, now, would there? But that, too, held little interest for Jango. He was a solitary bounty hunter, a recluse - or he would have been if not for Boba. Jango didn't care a whit about politics or war or this army of his clones. If every one of them was slaughtered, then so be it. He had no attachment to any. He looked to the side as he considered that. To any except for Boba, of course.

The Cestus Deception by Steve

"Perhaps because you are the only one trained for command. That makes you more like Jango." His attention sharpened. "They say he was a loner." "Yes," she said. "But a natural leader, too. At other times he could be invisible, as I understand quite a few people learned to their brief and painful regret." Nate gave a hard, flat chuckle. Yes, indeed. "But if he wanted, when he entered a room every head would turn." She paused a beat. "Especially mine." Her voice grew softer. "But that was all so long ago. I was eighteen years old, and Jango was twenty-five." "Was he a bounty hunter then?" She closed her eyes, dredging up old memories. "I think he was in transition. He'd only been free maybe two years, since the Mandalo-rians were wiped out. I met him in the Meridian sector. He'd lost his armor somehow, and was searching for it." A ruminative smile. "We had just about a year together. Then things got dangerous. We were raided by space pirates. Our ship got blown from the sky, and in the middle of a really nasty space battle we were forced to take separate evacuation pods. I never saw him again." She paused. "I heard he survived, and got his armor back. I don't know if he looked for me." Sheeka shrugged. "Life is like that, sometimes." Her voice had grown wistful. Then she chuckled, and he drew back slightly and looked at her in puzzlement. "Why do you laugh?" "You do remind me of Jango. He always locked his emotions away. But I can remember times when he let them out of their cage." "Such as?" Her sweeter, saucier side was bubbling to the fore, and she was happy to feel it. She'd feared she'd never feel that evanescence again. ``If you're lucky, I might tell you sometime. She knew he was curious now, and pardoned herself for the slight exaggeration. In truth, Jango was a man of few words who kept his feelings in check. In his life, and his chosen lifestyle, that reserve had been vital for survival.

Fact Files #22

Despite Jango's growing stature, he began to feel that something was missing from his life. He remained a loner, but yearned for a son - someone with whom he could enjoy the paternal bond that he felt he had been denied. His ambition would be realized in the most unorthodox way.

Of course, how much of Jango’s selfishness and seclusion was a natural part of his character and how much a result of trauma (especially post-Galidraan) is up to debate, however existence of such opinions gives us a solid reason to think that as much as Fett could be an excellent or even charismatic soldier, he didn’t need be necessary an easy person to work with. There is also a young age of Jango to take into factor and his personal desire for revenge on Death Watch.

On one hand, Jango had undying loyalty of people like Silas, on the other, there was Montross. And yes, as much as Montross isn’t objective in his opinion about then Squad Commander Jango, he did bring up an interesting point about young Fett and his clouded mind when it comes to Jaster.

Montross: "I think he sometimes forgets that you're not really his son. Hnh. That`s dangerous. Clouds his judgment. And yours. One day soon, Jaster will choose his successor. And he'll need a clear head for that." Jango: “Jaster will do what’s right for the Mandalorians. He always had.” Montross: “Let’s hope we can say the same about you.” [Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue #2]

Montross did not further argue about Jaster’s ability to make a right choice that will benefit their group but put in doubt Jango’s ability to do the same, as in: put the good of True Mandalorians above his personal feelings and desires. Did Montross act there on purpose to hurt young Fett? Most likely, as he did not like how the boy was Jaster’s favorite.

[...] He was also enraged by the attention his commander bestowed upon the daring young recruit, Jango Fett [Bounty Hunter Game Guide]

Jango became a favourite of Jaster Mereel, something that didn't sit well with one of his men Montross, who sought to lead the Mandalorians in Mereel's stead. [Fact Files vol. 3, issue 14]

Still, his final words “You’ll kill them all, Fett” proved true once True Mandalorians again walked into Tor Vizsla’s trap, this time under Jango’s leadership and Fett’s orders - that changed from evacuation to shoot at Jedi - led to massacre of his men.

The presented opinions and implications about Jango as a person are especially important in regard to Jaster Mereel. Jaster, despite more than two decades of being part of mandalorian lore, is not really developed as a character and a lot we learned about him comes from tie-in sources. He was described as:

“reformed murderer” who “held that the Mandalorians were merely highly-paid soldiers” [Dooku, JF:OS#1]

“a lawman [...] until murdered a superior officer. Wrecked by guilt [...] unable to contain his own passions, he sought to eliminate them in everyone else” [Tor Vizsla, Death Watch Manifesto/Bounty Hunter Code]

“Jaster sought true honor, not the right to ignore laws and moral codes” [Jango, Death Watch Manifesto/Bounty Hunter Code]

“deeply pious human”, who “brought a strong ethic”, and “fought tooth-and-nail to become reigning Mandalore and unite the disparate clans” [History of the Mandalorians/SW Insider #80]

“A sympathetic Mandalorian commander" who "took pity on Jango and made him a cadet” [Bounty Hunter Game Guide]

Side note: Sources about Jaster like History of the Mandalorian, Jango Fett: Open Seasons and Bounty Hunter Code were talked about in my other text - full quotes can be found there.

Additional source, The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett by Daniel Keys Moran was an original backstory for Boba whose name back then was in fact an pseudonym adopted by exiled from Concord Dawn Jaster Mereel. With Attack of the Clones, the story was retconned but it is the first material that introduced us to strong morality of Jaster:

The last statement of the Journeyman Protector Jaster Mereel, known later as the Hunter Boba Fett, before exile from the world of Concord Dawn: Everyone dies. It's the final and only lasting Justice. Evil exists; it is intelligence in the service of entropy. When the side of a mountain slides down to kill a village, this is not evil, for evil requires intent. Should a sentient being cause that landslide, there is evil; and requires Justice as a consequence, so that civilization can exist. There is no greater good than Justice; and only if law serves Justice is it good law. It is said correctly that law exists not for the Just but for the unjust, for the Just carry the law in their hearts, and do not need to call it from afar. I bow to no one and I give service only for cause.

An unpleasant grin touched the young man's lips. "You'll plead me unrepentant." Creel stared at him. "Do you understand the seriousness of this, boy? You killed a man." "He had it coming." "They'll exile you, Jaster Mereel. They'll exile you!'' "I could always go join the Imperial Academy," Mereel said, "if I got exiled. I expect I'd make a good storm." Creel overrode him: "and they may execute you, if you anger them sufficiently. Is it such a hard thing to say you're sorry for having taken a life unjustly?" "I am sorry," said Mereel. "Sorry I didn't kill him a year ago. The galaxy's a better place without him."

Even with limited material, there is visible contrast in how Jaster and Jango were perceived. Mereel is a man respecting laws with strong ethical sense, sympathetic, deeply involved in mandalorian matters. Tor Vizsla - his enemy who literally could write down any lie and slander about Jaster in his propaganda text - associated him with passion for all possible things. And yes, Tor considered it a flaw, something that Mereel was unable to contain and something, most likely alongside the wrecking guilt, that deeply affected his approach to Mandalorian Way, yet still it does not paint Jaster in the negative light as Jango being called by his own men as selfish chaakar and uncaring loner, disgrace or even claiming they were better off without him.

(And isn’t there something ironic how both Tor’s opinion and Jango’s men's critique is said from the perspective of time and somehow Vizsla - an enemy - remembers Jaster in a much nicer manner than Jango is remembered by his own people?).

Jaster’s strong sense of morality (coming mainly from tie-in material than Jango Fett: Open Seasons, the prime source) could be also an important factor in regard to Improved True Mandalorians’ brutal effectiveness under Jango Fett’s leadership.

Mind you, there are not enough direct sources to clearly support or completely refute this idea, as the original comics showed us only one mission taken by Jaster - an extraction of a rookie squad pinned down by hostile locals.

[Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue #2]

As Jaster said, the job’s a routine extraction mission, so there is a chance True Mandalorians did some similar missions in the past. The job did not necessarily mean Mandalorians needed to kill the “enemy” of the Korda Defense Force, just that they were going to save Korda Defense Force’s people which doesn’t sound that bad from a moral standpoint.

In contrast, the only mission done by True Mandalorians under Jango Fett’s leadership we know any details about is Galidraan.

Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue 3

I'm going to tell the governor that the insurrection is over...

"Your reign is secure" [...] "I killed your enemy now tell me where to find mine!"

Bounty Hunter Game Guide:

Since ancient times, Mandalorians were brutally effective fighters, and especially so under Jango Fett’s leadership. However, while fighting to suppress a popular revolt in the Galidraan system, the Mandalorians ran afoul of the Jedi Knights, who wiped out most of the mercenary army and delivered the survivors to the governor of Galidraan.

Fact Files vol.3, issue 14

Fett led the Mandalorians for eight years, during which the hunt for Vizsla was never far from their minds. When they discovered that Death Watch was being protected and funded by the Governor of Galidraan, they accepted a job dealing with a minor rebellion on the planet in order to get close to Vizsla. But when Jango left the Mandalorians to go and collect payment (and to insist that the governor should give up Death Watch and Vizsla to them), it turned out to be a trap. Vizsla was waiting, and Jango had to make a fighting retreat.

Fact Files #124

Eight years after the death of Jaster Mereel, Jango Fett’s leadership had ensured the survival and even the growth of the Mandalorian group. The Governor of Galidraan hired them to deal with an insurrection that threatened his tyrannical hold on power. Jango’s men did their job, but when Jango went to the Governor, he was ambushed by the Governor’s new associates - Vizsla and the Death Watch.

The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia

Mandalorians were asked by the governor of Galidraan to quell an insurrection[...]

In general, tie-in material is in agreement that A) True Mandalorians under Jango’s leadership took a job to deal with an insurrection B) governor was corrupted (working for Tor Vizsla) and his rule was even called a tyrannical one.

Korda Six was meant to be an easy job for young Jango’s sake yet still was about saving a rookie squad in need while Jango’s men took money to destroy people that most likely fought for their freedom, rights and/or democracy. All done just so Jango could get Tor Vizsla, the murderer of his biological family and surrogate father. We can’t be sure if Jaster Mereel would take that job. The retconned Jaster-Boba Fett most likely would

“What you're doing is morally wrong. The Rebels are in the wrong, and the Rebellion will fail as it should." Leia Organa could not keep the outrage out of her voice. "Morally wrong? Us? We're fighting for homes and our families and our loved ones, the ones who are still alive and the ones we've lost. The Empire destroyed my entire world, virtually everyone I ever knew as a child?" Fett actually leaned forward slightly. "Those worlds rose in rebellion against the authority legally in place over them. The Emperor was within his rights to destroy them; they threatened the system of social justice that permits civilization to exist." He paused. "I am sorry for the deaths of the innocent. But that happens in war, Leia Organa. The innocent die in wars, and your side should not have started this one." [The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett by Daniel Keys Moran]

However, would that be true for Jaster Mereel, known from Jango’s backstory? Would a person that according to History of the Mandalorians “brought a strong ethic that extended far beyond the limited Mandalorian ideology fighting for credits” be okay with destroying an insurrection against a corrupted official if he himself killed a corrupted fellow Protector and/or his superior? And yes, True Mandalorians were a mercenary band selling their martial arts for good money but that does not mean that Jaster accepted every job available.

Jaster is known for his strong moral sense that put him in collision with Tor Vizsla and Death Watch that accepted only Mandalorian laws, the law of strongest/violence. Jango too was described as having a personal honor code, but so far sources are concerned, Fett's main rule was that once you accept a job you must finish it. It didn’t matter if his target was a criminal or people forced in slave labor.

As Jango taught Boba, “Your loyalty, your honor – these are the things that matter. When you accept a mission, when you give your word, it is all that matters. As you grow into a man, you must remember: in battle, there can be no mercy. [Tales 18: Way of the Warrior]

The final difference between Jaster and Jango comes to this: Jaster wanted to be Mandalore

“[...] fought tooth-and-nail to become reigning Mandalore and unite the disparate clans” [History of the Mandalorians/SW Insider #80]

while Jango did not show that desire nor was named by Jaster as his successor.

Some sources incorrectly claim Jango was chosen by Jaster Mereel:

The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia

[Jaster Mereel] also appointed Jango Fett as his choice to succeed him as Mand'alor.

and Legacy of the Force: Revelation by Karen Traviss

"Why did Shysa think Fett should be Mandalore? Because his father was?" Jaina didn't add that Fett didn't strike her as the community-minded kind. "Bloodlines don't matter to you." "True, but Jango had a fearsomely good fighting reputation, and he was Jaster Mereel's chosen heir, so the Fett name has some power.

however Jaster Mereel, as was pointed out by comics, didn’t name his successor and as comics showed, he did not utter any last word before his death.

[Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue 2]

Furthermore, Jango did call Montross unfit to lead True Mandalorians for leaving Jaster Mereel for death but that is it. Fourteen years old Fett did not make any claim to the Mandalore title - it was Silas, the loyal soldier, who first said he would follow Jango and no one else and other soldiers backed up that.

Jango: That's not your call to make, Montross. I say you're not fit to lead us. You left Jaster on the battlefield. To die alone. Silas: I'll follow Jango. And do one else. Montross: Is that what you want? A child leading you? [Jango Fett: Open Seasons, issue 2]

Jango was already a great soldier, however that Jaster treated him as his son, does not mean he planned to officially name him his successor, as there could be better fitted, older and more experienced Mandalorians to hold that title (and maybe, when Fett would be older, then he could be their successor). Jango himself believed that Jaster will choose what is the best for True Mandalorians.

Now, let's talk about Walon Vau and how he fits True Mandalorians in the pre-Galidraan era. We know he joined Mandalorians at a young age. We also know that True Mandalorians is a name used by Jaster Mereel to distinguish his men from rebellious Death Watch -

[The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia]

something that must have happened not so before Jango was orphaned (58BBY), however both factions were part of the same Mandalorian Mercs. So there is a real possibility that Walon Vau knew/was aware of Jaster Mereel - or was affected by his Supercommando Codex to some degree before he served under Jango Fett.

The same as Jango, Vau is presented as a very competent soldier but not exactly liked as a person, at least at the beginning of the Republic Commando book series. In general, the change in perception of Vau is the best seen through his difficult yet complex relationship with Kal Skirata however no matter how relationship warmed between Vau and other characters, the novels constantly described him as cold, detached, hard to read, sometimes even to the point he looked like he did not care about anything and anyone or generally speaking, as someone keeping his emotions under control.

In True Colors, Walon himself admitted to have “little time for anyone else, regardless of species” with the exception of Mird, the men of the Grand Army and most likely Jango Fett, for whom he agreed to train army for around decade on Kamino, cut away from the outside world. Similarly, in Imperial Commando: 501st, Ordo claimed he “had never known Vau to show the slightest interest in another living being” in the context of a romantic/sexual relationship.

(Side note: I do think Vau may be asexual/aromantic and depending on Jango Fett’s own sexuality this could be another factor why they get along better than Jango with Kal Skirata, something I talked more in another meta).

Republic Commando Prima Guide outright called Vau “borderline sociopathic”

same as The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia:

"Like his peers, Vau was a Mandalorian mercenary. As one of the Cuy'val Dar, Seargeant Vau was known for his pessimistic demeanor, and his training was noted for the worst-case scenarios [...]. Many of his graduates considered Vau to be a borderline sociopath, especially given the way he planned missions."

Side note: in the book series it is actually trained by Kal Skirata clones who use terms like "Old Psycho" and "head case" for Walon, not Vau's own men. And generally speaking most terms like crazy, psycho or other mental implications comes from Kal or his men. Jango too was insulted as unhinged shabuir.

Though from my online research I’m not sure if “borderline sociopath" truly fits the book!Vau, I think it is safe to call him an introvert who most likely falls into the spectrum of Antisocial Personality Disorder. Similar to Jango, Walon is not a person who wants or needs to connect to people, beside the few special beings - for Jango it was Jaster and Boba, for Walon Mird and his clone trainees.

However in contrast to Fett, Vau seems to have much more defined morality. Yes, Jango followed his own personal code - keep your word and finish the mission you agreed to do - yet despite himself being a slave for at least two years, this experience apparently did not create in Jango empathy for enslaved, oppressed people as in the end, he was working for those who could afford his service, which includes the corrupted politicians and criminals enriched on slavery and illegal spice. And when Kaminoan scientistpointed out he lacked morality, Jango get angry:

Internal memo penned by Hali Ke, senior research geneticist, Kamino, 27 BBY (source)

I have now logged many sessions with our prime clone Jango Fett, and concluded that he embodies his species’ contradictions. He is a killer many times over, ending the life of others without hesitation if paid to do so, yet his anger was obvious when I suggested he lacked morality.

In contrast, Walon acknowledged that he is a criminal by Coruscant standards and did not deny that at all.

Republic Commando: Order 66

“I’ve known Skirata for some years,” Vau said. “He’s a criminal by Coruscant standards. So am I. But an outright traitor - no. He’s a professional.”

At the same time, he did not allow Deltas to cross the line between soldiers and criminals, as he was adamant they won’t steal money during raid on Mygneeto Bank

Republic Commando: True Colors

"Sarge, we got what we came for. Why are we robbing a bank?" "You're not robbing it. I'm robbing it. You're just opening a door."

and

“We can empty the-” “I steal. You don’t.” It was a fine point but it mattered to Vau. Skirata might have raised a pack of hooligans, but Vau’s squads were disciplined. Even Sev… Sev was psychotic and lacked even the most basic social graces, but he wasn’t a criminal.

- even if Walon personally considered depriving his biological family of their fortune as a matter of justice, for himself and clone troopers ("I'm not robbing for gain. I'm not a greedy man. I just want justice. [...] Justice for me; justice for the clone troops, used up and thrown away like flimsi napkins.")

Side note: Kal's comment even further imply how unusual was for Vau to rob a bank in the first place:

"Unconfirmed. We lost his signal. He had kit with him that General Jusik felt you would want to recover." "What for?" "He cleaned out a bank vault. Credits, jewelry, bonds, the works. Two bags." Vau robbed a bank? Skirata was taken aback. The miserable old di'kut was game for breaking any law, but plain theft - never. This was Skirata's style, not Vau's.

Walon also did not allow Delta Squad to take part in extraction of Jilka because he considered it "too dirty and political".

Republic Commando: Order 66

"What do you want us to do, Sarge?” Vau summoned Mird back to his side with a silent gesture. “Nothing.” “Sarge, we can-” “No. You can’t. Sorry. This crosses the line from soldier to … well, I don’t want you involved with this. I needed Zey to know what I was doing, but it’s better you don’t ask why, either.” “Okay, Sarge.” Scorch activated his helmet comlink, wondering if Vau didn’t think they were good enough to take on RDS. “I’ll get the schematics of the security cells, and we’ll have you an operational plan inside half an hour.” “Scrap the plan, Scorch, but the schematics would be very welcome. Get some rest. Kashyyyk is going to wring you dry.” “Okay, Sarge.” They had time to give him a bit of help. “We wouldn’t foul up, honest.” “I know. But this is too dirty and political even for special ops. Concentrate on Kashyyyk. Real soldiering to be done there.”

Side note: Freeing Jilka Zan Zentis out of RDS custody was more done for benefit of Besany and Ordo (and Skirata) than anything else but Vau drew the line and kept to the resolution that members of the Delta Squad were soldiers first and foremost - their mission were sanctioned by Republic military and whatever happened and whoever they killed during said missions did not make them criminals. On other hand, there is something to say about Vau and how much of "dirty work" he did for Skirata clan's benefit through the whole book series.

The books also points out that despite his brutality and detachment, he cared for his own military self-respect and wasn’t one for blindly following orders:

“Are you on brigade strength again, Sarge?” Scorch asked. “No. Still civilian status.” Vau wore a slightly preoccupied frown that didn’t seem to have anything to do with the business at hand. “That way I can tell Zey where to stick his orders without feeling I’ve lost my military self-respect. An army that refuses orders is a rabble.” Scorch had heard it all before. It was like a litany, and he knew his lines. “An army that refuses orders is a danger to its citizens.” “An army that refuses orders is dead.” “You ever disobeyed an order, Sarge?” “Only when it was unlawful. And that’s not always an easy call, not when the bolts are shaving your nose hair. I’ll leave that wisdom to the lawyers sitting on their padded shebse years after the event.” Vau had never been a chatty man at the best of times; maybe this was the private Vau, the one his squads rarely saw.

Of course, what is “unlawful” in the opinion of a man that had no objection to brutalize clone cadets on Kamino or to interrogate and later kill an unarmed woman is up to debate.

Vau, for a former aristocrat, has also a very clear disdain for slavery:

Republic Commando: True Colors

"Of course," said Skirata, "we don't know if he's aware that the Republic sends out hit men to execute clones who want to try their luck in Civvy Street, either." Vau was watching the conversation with an air of boredom, which usually meant quite the opposite. He kept looking across to the one closed cabin, which had to be Ko Sai's holding cell, and exuding impatience. "If you broadcast that on the hour, all day on HNE, nobody would care, Kal. I guarantee it." "They'll care if the Seps start attacking Coruscant and interrupt their holovid viewing, all right." "But there's not going to be this massive wave of protest on behalf of Our Brave Boys. You'll be knocked flat by the wave of apathy. Goodness, our slave army, bred to fight, disposed of when it's too much trouble? What a sensible system! Good for the Chancellor! That's what we pay our taxes for!" Vau dropped the bored act and came very close to exposing emotion for once. "It saves all those civilians from having to look after their own democracy. The most you'll get is a few creds dropped in a charity box on the anniversary of Geonosis. No Senator is going to change a thing."

"Ugliness is an illusion, gentlemen." Vau began sorting through his disputed inheritance. "Like beauty. Like color. All depends on the light." The first thing that caught his eye in the family box was his mother's flawless square-cut shoroni sapphire, the size of a human thumbprint, set on a pin and flanked by two smaller matching stones. In some kinds of light, they were a vibrant cobalt blue, while in others they turned forest green. Beautiful: but real forests had been destroyed to find them, and slaves died mining them. "The only reality is action."

"You do realize," he said to Skirata, "that if the troopers were given a choice, most would opt to stay in the army anyway?" "I do. We all prefer the comfort of what we know best." "They'd be as dead as volunteers as they'd be as slaves, Kal." "But they'd have a choice, and that's what makes us free men." "Actually, that's a load of osik. Plenty of free beings in the galaxy don't have a vote and don't get a choice about what they do each day. There's a very blurred line between slavery and economic dependence."

Additional Commentary: The line: "there's a very blurred line between slavery and economic dependence." most likely is related to Vau's biological family. From the same book:

“It’s the Arakyd special, Walon. Says more about you than credits ever can.” The gangster look was less conspicuous here than full Mandalorian armor. The idea was to look like they’d come for sportfishing so that submerging Aay'han offshore didn’t attract the wrong sort of interest. “Looks rather expensive.” “Another bauble from the Vau deposit box. My great-grandfather is said to have shot a servant with it for serving his caf too hot.” Skirata almost went for the bait. “You’re just saying that to make me mad, aren’t you?” Vau’s expression was unreadable. “You know I’d never do such a thing.” Mereel put a restraining hand on Skirata’s shoulder as he overtook him. The terrible thing about Vau and his family was that it was perfectly possible.

This little story - whatever true or not - illustrates well that a person doesn't need to be shackled down like a slave to be exploited and mistreated. A servant, a free person earning their own living - may still be economic dependent on a cruel master with no protection from abuse, even if in theory applicable laws should regulate the coexistence of employer and employee. But sadly, the same as in real life the domestic help was often abused and mistreated, the galaxy far far away is too filled with corruption, greed and general lack of care for the poorest and the most vulnerable.

Vau’s point is especially interesting in regard to Jango, who at least twice took part in suppressing rebellion against the planet's potentially tyrannical leader (Galidraan) and slave revolt against Kuat elite/ Corporate exploitation, as happened in mentioned previously Tales 18: Way of the Warrior

Taking into account that Vau is

empathic enough to think there's a very blurred line between slavery and economic dependence and has some stories related to his biological family and its exploitation of other beings without an ounce of regret (slaves dying to mine shoroni sapphire, a stones used by his mother or the servant killed for trivial, petty reason)

he refused to follow orders he considered unlawful even under enemy's fire

we should ask this - did the mission on Galidraan was the line he refused to cross?

Mind you, there is not enough direct sources to prove it or reject this notion, so this is just one of possibilities, but if Walon Vau served under Jaster Mereel before Korda Six and shared similar approach to law and morality, after eight years of hunting for Death Watch (and knowing Tor Vizsla and his cunning nature, that was most likely a wild goose chase) he could become disinterested in Jango's more ruthless leadership at some point. Not enough to quit True Mandalorians but enough to notice that Jango may move further and further away from what Jaster Mereel would consider a good (morally and financial) contract for his people. After all, Galidraan was only partially about money, as it was above all a means to catch and kill Tor Vizsla, so Montross could be right, young Fett's mind was clouded when it comes to Jaster and avenging his death.

I'm not saying that Jango was a bad leader, but I think Vau not wanting to involve himself in suppressing a rebellion of ordinary people against a potential tyrant (aristocrat) fits well within established data about him. Even more if we take into account his statement:

Vau didn’t meet Skirata’s eyes for a moment, but he glanced at Jusik. “I could have been at Galidraan, but I wasn’t, and I never forgot that. Not my fight. Should have been my fight.” [Republic Commando: Order 66]

"Not my fight" most likely is about Vau's more ambivalent feeling toward Death Watch (that understandable after Galidraan turned into hatred) and recognizing that it was Jango's revenge quest but I think it may also be about the nature of the mission that went against Vau's own moral code. And another question without a clear answer is, did Vau ever disobeyed Jango's order before Galidraan?

At this moment, I think it is safe to assume that Vau knowing Jango for over two decades does not automatically mean they were close to each other from the start but considering that Jango at some point shared with Walon personal matters like childhood trauma (more details in previous part), he was no stranger either. However Jango being the Mandalore does not make him "moral authority" in Walon's eyes (the way Jaster was, maybe?) who could and in fact refused to follow orders if he did consider them unlawful. Young Jango on another hand was more concerned with his personal quest (revenge) than morality of his action and may have taken a contract that Jaster himself wouldn't. What could lead to some tension between those two, but as Galidraan and its dire consequences will shown, the potential personal conflict between Vau and Fett did not set them apart.

Next part: Galidraan and its consequences

#star wars #cienie's research #jango fett #walon vau #jaster mereel #jango fett and walon vau #true mandalorians #mandalorians

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randomfoggytiger · 2 years ago

Text

X-Files Collector's Fic: Cleaning Out the Vineyard House (Poll Results 2nd)

This list was inspired by this poll-- 1st part here~.

(**Note**: I'll edit out errors later when no one's looking.)

Loose chronological order below~

raspberrycoffeecake's Vineyard-Haven

""But he turns back toward the sea, retracts his arms, and wraps them around his knees, closing in on himself.

“I came out here once the year after Samantha disappeared,” he says in an even tone. He’s still looking out at the waves, and she wonders if he’s talking to her or to himself. “It was just a normal summer morning. My father was upstairs in his office, writing letters, making phone calls, ignoring us like he always did. My mother made me a sandwich to take with me to the baseball field, as if there had always been just one child to make sandwiches for. As if Sam was just a dream I had, as if she had never existed. And I finally decided that I couldn’t stand the denial. I couldn’t keep pretending anymore.""

Post Paper Hearts Mulder whisks Scully to Martha's Vineyard. She supports him as he processes his memories; and insists they start a relationship when it won't be based in trauma.

@syntax6's (Gossamer, FFN, Omni) Mulder 1998

""He opened his eyes and looked at her over the flames. "They say the ocean has no memory."

She licked her thumb and scanned the paltry breaking surf. "I guess I can see that. The tide comes in, sweeps everything away and washes out again, only to reappear a few hours later. It makes the ocean seem immutable, as though no outside force can change it."

"And change equals memory?"

"Sure. Every memory changes you.""

Pre-Triangle Mulder sells his father's Vineyard house because of the expenses wracked up during FTF. He and Scully share their beach disappointments; and they compare his height to the former scratches on his childhood wall.

Chimerical1975's Regular People

""Grocery shopping with Mulder was something of an experience. It turned out that he was a creature of immense habit with definite likes and dislikes. Since she'd barged in on him, she offered to cook whatever he liked and he put up surprisingly little resistance to the offer. In fact, he revealed that macaroni and cheese was his favorite thing in the world. But only homemade--he had to be close to starving to eat the stuff that came in the blue box. She was amused that such simple comfort food was something he craved, not to mention greatly relieved because it was something that she actually knew how to make. If he'd wanted ratatouille, she would have been in big trouble.""

AU-- TGTSC Scully's California flight was canceled; so she surprises Mulder at the Vineyard where he is cleaning out his father's house. They whack down yard weeds, move each other with respect and admissions on both their parts-- romantically and not living a normal life together-- and conclude their unresolved romantic tensions.

Folieadeux's Cyclone

""Closing the door behind him, he slid off his jacket and laid it on the hall bench.He'd promised himself that he would not take too much time doing this,that he would be quick and efficient, without unnecessary emotions. Just like she'd do it, like she had done it when it had been her turn.

// He sat in the hallway, his back propped against the wall, watching her. It was late spring and the yearly housecleaning was in full force. The scene was misleading in its normalcy. A woman in an apron and a freshly washed house dress ripping sheets from a little girl's twin bed, shaking puffs of dust in the air that floated in the sunshine before disappearing to wherever those particles went. Her jaw was set tight and her face was determined. Only twin paths of tears betrayed her calm exterior.

He kept silent, a skill he was beginning to hone as the weeks wore on and his sister didn't return. Every day the house grew more and more silent while they all pretended. What they were pretending was something he had yet to figure out. //""

Post Closure Mulder somberly packs up the Vineyard, apologizing to the house while battling morbid memories. He always felt he had to protect his mother: the woman who kept travel books but never traveled.

LuvTheBeez’s (mulderscreek) Packing

""Every object, every possession left in the house had been carefully wrapped and packed away only to spend the rest of its days in a dank storage room somewhere. These boxes contained once precious objects that no longer mattered to anyone, all of them things he'd looked at a million times but had never really seen. Things that had been carefully maintained, fastidiously dusted and polished, each holding a memory that was solely hers, that he could not share.""

Post Closure Mulder packs up Tena's house, frustrated that there were no more answers to be found. Scully drops in with comfort food; and both are glad she hadn't listened to his earlier denials and mild mandates.

OKayVal's 155 Words - Santa Claus, North Pole

""Dear Santa, I have been good. Please bring me a talking Crissy doll. And please bring my brother Fox a model rocket so he will be too busy to tease me. Thank you. Love Samantha Mulder.""

Post Closure Mulder soldiers on, cleaning out Tena's house. Samantha's "Dear Santa" letter guts him with guilt.

xraelynn’s (Gossamer) Illumination

""It’s good to see you, Mulder,” she said softly, taking a sip of her coffee. The smile in his eyes dimmed as he looked away.

“I, uh...I didn’t mean to run out of town on you,” he said quietly, his eyes fixed down on his coffee. “I just thought I...needed some time.”

Mulder’s face was smooth and calm now, but for days she hadn’t stopped seeing his expression of devastation and betrayal whenever she looked at him.

It turned out that she had needed some time too.""

Post Closure Mulder invites Scully out to the Vineyard, needing her company while he processes his losses and revelations.

@bohoartist's (Ao3) Unnamed Prompt

""Let me see!” she pleads, reaching for it, but he extends his arm just out of her reach.

“Oh not at all, Scully, this is way too incriminating.”

She sits back and pouts, sticking out her plump bottom lip and looking up at him through her lashes before quickly changing tactics and lunging at him.""

Post Closure Scully rescues a picture of little toddler Mulder before her partner can destroy all of his family mementos.

Pattie's Sailor Spooky

""Besides, I wouldn't want to spoil your free time away from me."

His heart sank. He sat on the couch. After a long pause he told her the truth. "I just don't want to be alone, okay?"

Scully stopped filling the coffee maker and approached her partner.""

Post Closure Mulder doesn't want to be alone. Scully assures him he doesn't have to prove anything-- including making himself seasick by trying to bond with her.

@o6666666's (Ao3)

Untitled

""Martha’s Vineyard, he’d said, this weekend, and she’s already teased him that he ever thought it might be a hard sell. His Scully is made for the beach. Not least because her body is pink and freckled and cut from stone, but mostly because the ocean recognizes her at once—a Scully, one of its own—and she opens her heart to it like she does to her mother and small children, allowing her wild laugh and squeaky voice and a sort of space-taking that seems fundamentally opposite to the space-taking she does at work, with clipped tones, and where the littler she speaks, the more powerful she seems.

(By contrast: When he woke up this morning she had all the covers, and her arms were spread out like wings across the whole bed. “You cozy?” he’d whispered, sidling closer. She’d tucked him right in with her with a kiss to his nose. And doing the breakfast dishes together, he’d heard it—this dry little fart. She’d turned to him with wide, guilty eyes and he’d rat-tailed her, lightly, with the dish towel and whistled: “Scul-ly!”)""

Post Closure? Mulder takes Scully on a boating trip to the Vineyard-- and she boats, happily, like a crazy person.

Untitled

""Mulder, I can’t sail.”

He grinned. “Sure you can.” He was sure Scully knew the methodology of sailing. Perhaps Scully could sail like she could drive. When she was a little girl she could sail, and when she was six she accidentally hit Captain Scully in the head with the boom.

AU-- S9 Mulder bought Scully a boat for her 40th. The two go sailing while Maggie watches their son.

@scapegrace74-blog/scapegrace74's Pandora's Box

""He’s been at loose ends since his mother passed away, and she draws an invisible line around him, daring anyone else to cross it and touch his tender heart. There are a million daily reminders of loss: calls from the family attorney, paperwork to sign, a father’s voice rising from a tour group outside the Hoover Building, “don’t wander too far away, Sam!”

So when he asks her to run this simple errand, she leaps at the chance to help.""

Post Closure Scully finds an engagement ring in Mulder's things; and the two realize their weaknesses-- fear to take it to the next step for fear of guilt-tripping the other-- pale in comparison to their strengths.

@alienbaby-babymama/ABBM515‘s Potential

""Even though it had only been a few weeks since their partnership became an “official” partnership, Dana Scully would never have to be asked twice to spend a weekend by the water.

Mulder had mentioned in passing that he wanted to get his mother’s house prepared for sale. The place was big, required maintenance, and the memories engrained in the walls and floorboards of the house was not something he wanted to deal with. The property deserved love again. He just wasn’t sure he was the one to give it.""

Mulder and Scully-- still not dating post Closure-- sort out how to use Martha's Vineyard: a rental property so they can subsidize their IVF treatments.

@gabby-msr/ScullytoyourMulder/scullytoyourmulder993's

A Love Captured

""That night was special. In high school, I was the kid whose sister had gone missing. I guess it was some kind of curse. I was a bit of a pariah. Even on the baseball team,” he said, and he saw her frown in disapprobation.

“But that night, it didn’t matter. We stayed on the diamond celebrating well into the night, the team and other people, too. Some people drank. I didn’t, I still had to drive myself home. People congratulated me.”

"I’m glad,” she told him, squeezing his hand. “I’m glad baseball brought you some happiness.”

“It did,” he said, but there was something sad about the way he said it.

“What is it?”

“My parents - they’ve never seen me play,” he admitted.""

S8 Monica is trying to understand the late Agent Mulder. While snooping through his office, she finds memorabilia from his and Scully's vacation to the Vineyard post-Je Souhaite. Their trip was about him rediscovering and reinvigorating his past-- all of it: Samantha, his parents, Diana, and everything else-- with a newer, fresher start.

FatCat's Scully Pride

""Where's the car your mom rented? What did she get us, a convertible?" I grinned.

"Uh, no, it's not a convertible. It's over there." Scully pointed up the street toward a Toyota Corolla.

"Scully? A Corolla? I can't fit into a car that small comfortably."

"Uh, no, Mulder. Not the Corolla, the... erm... one in front of it."

I looked again and whistled. "A Cadillac Escalade? Your mom rented a Escalade for us?"

"She said something about it being handy to have with so many guests around." She couldn't meet my eyes. I knew she was embarrassed.

"Scully," I leaned down to force her to look at me. "Your mom told me about your Aunt Maeve. It's okay. I had some relatives just like her so I do understand.""

AU-- Mulder offers the Vineyard to Maggie's snobby relatives, good-naturedly hosting their get-together. The love bomb and a proposal is dropped; and Charlie fights Scully over her initial refusal.

WordsSpillFromMyOpenVeins_89's Weekend At Martha's Vineyard

""Less then ten minutes later, William was fast asleep on the floor and snoring with Ishy next to him.

Mulder pat the back of William's head, ran his hand down is back, feeling the rise and fall of his tiny chest.

"Oof. Don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this, bud. You're growing up", Mulder whispered against his floppy auburn hair.

Mulder reached out his right arm, to brace against the wall before taking the last two steps up to the second level of the Hamptons Style Bungalow.

Mulder carried William up to his bedroom, unlaced his converse sneakers and placed them on the floor, at the foot of the bed. Carefully covering William with the Van Gogh Starry Starry Night bedspread and tucking the edges under him, to keep him warm.""

AU-- S9 Mulder, Scully, Will, and their dog all vacation at Martha's Vineyard. While there, Mulder proposes; and all is chummy and famfic-y.

Enjoy!

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hey-its-danny · 2 months ago

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Heyyy we sent you an ask a while back and uhh thanks for letting me use your art as a faceclaim that was really cool of you 👍

If you don't want an unsolicited Alfendi rant thats fine deadass we're just hyperfixated on our own source (+ have no outlet) and uhh yeah we have kind of a unique perspective on the whole Alfendi thing since we literally have it as a sub-system in our own system (hi) but you know. We don't uh headcanon it in the same way for lack of a better term? To put a lot of medical nonsense out the way, for a system to be programmed in adulthood (like Alfendi was by Justin (i think that's what his name was idfk anymore)) they need to be predisposed to programming as a child. Basically this comes from a specific type of basically abuse in a way where the person would be in a semi-conscious state where the programming would take place (think how Al was in a coma as justin programmed him basically). Obviously Layton would NOT be out there doing that lets be honest but uhhh @/mystery-room did a fanart of Alfendi as a kid in the context of NWOS and lowk that was genius? Cause likeee if he was in America he could have been idk orphaned ir something and I've always thought his programming would be from a fucked up science experiment or something. Basically cause uh Hilda is an international policewoman or whatever her job was i then thought oh well what if she found Alfendi's old like experiment file and therefore thats how he finds out that system is muchhhhh bigger.

The thing abt programmed systems is that the host (Potty) would be made so he was unaware of the rest, but programming an extra host in would make the original host aware at least of that other alter. The thing abt Placid is that he's triggered to front to cover up the murder which is super typical of programmed systems because yk for example an alter would be programmed to uhh cover up abuse or something. Yeah it's insane, anyways LBMR is accurate and inaccurate at the same time, shits wildin

Anyways feel free to add on or whateverrr you could nuke this ask into next century if you don't wanna I get it. We're always down for discussion, but yeah you're cool, thanks again

hey, super cool of you to send me this btw. im down for alfendi discussion whenever!! i fuck heavily with your reading of his character (ofc keeping in mind that this is also a part of ur system), and yeah! ive seen their posts and im so crazy about nwos era alfendi (thats why i hc him as adopted as a teen, some point after nwos)!!!!

if youre down to hear my thoughts on it, i wish we had gotten a sequel game to establish his brother and also why he was such a nutjob before being brainwashed (joking ofc, but he was like. more intense. yknow. ofc you know we both played the game), as well as a dynamic between layton and al. It is kind of sticky when we start discussing the idea of childhood abuse beyond an abstract trauma from being an orphan, but i dont doubt that would be a suitable backdrop for either further abuse or even just a narrative foundation for explaining away the more intricate details of developing systems (as lbmr is prone to do lol).

Also, i think the idea of at least a hilda focused segment in a hypothetical sequel being used to explore potty's system would be kickass. im so here for that

anyways sorry for my rambling, i appreciate the ask and like. if you ever wanna talk lbmr feel free to dm me xoxo

#oops! all typos #im not proofreading that #this is kinda just meant for one person anyways so eh

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artsycloudysleepy · 7 months ago

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Is there a certain post I can read about your ocs? If not I really want to hear about them

OH STARS THANK YOU I GET TO RAMBLE!!! EEEEEE :D

So I do have a post for some of them, but I need to get around to making more posts for my others. Need to do some character design (my worst enemy ;-;)

(tldr; here's the character refs/fact files! and a made-up word dictionary! below is explanations for the setup/story bc i haven't made a post abt it yet :) )

My OC world is called 'Fabrication'! It's about different parts of one person (Anxiety, Dreams, Creativity, etc.) and processing traumatic events as a child through imagination, while growing and also realising it's okay to not be okay.

The OCs I've so far made refs and fact files of are 'Fragments', which are the different parts (and essentially 'left brain/right brain') of that child. The child (also called the Fragment's 'SELF') speaks to them as imaginary friends so they can work through their own emotions.

They all treat each other (and SELF) as siblings, and have fun together while also avoiding talking about the 'Incident' that broke them (i'm so original i know /s). They need to try to work through that emotional baggage, but at the same time.......... beach episode sounds more fun. Surely putting it off won't have any consequences to the SELF's mental health, or the Fragments', right?

They have free roam over the Fabrication, which is SELF's mind and imagination. Which means there's lots of fun stuff to do! And lots of trauma SELF and their Fragments are repressing from the Incident (and general phobias or childhood fears)! The imagination is the limit, in the best and worst ways possible.

Eg. the SELF can imagine seas with birds in and skies with fish in, and ice cream that can be any flavour you can want, so those can exist in the Fabrication. Hooray! Also, they can imagine massive tarantulas chasing them through corridors, and horrific sleep paralysis demons, so those can exist in the Fabrication. Less hooray.

In terms of what the Fragments represent for SELF:

Dew (he/she/they) = Anxiety, Logic.

Chichi (they/it) = Self-Preservation, Impulses.

Chaaya (she/her) = Fear.

Asuna (she/they) = Creativity, Emotions.

Cody (he/they) = Dreams, Escape.

Thunder (xe/xyr) = Curiosity.

First three are 'Left Brain', last three are 'Right Brain'.

Here's my character refs + fact file for my Fragment OCs (+ their pets)!

And a dictionary for words I made up about Fabrication!

This is all still a bit WIP, but I saw this ask and added to my facts abt them so it would feel less empty. I will add to it more at some point tho lol. If you want, I can tag you when I make another ref/fact file for other OCs (or relationship charts)!

And tysm for asking about them!!! Feel free to tag me in any OC stuff you do btw, or if Anwir/any OCs of yours have lore! I'd love to hear abt your scrunklies too, they're so cool (and murdery) :D

( @mylackofgrammaristerrifying i have no idea if you're also interested in this but there's a bit of art involved in the ref sheets! and general facts abt the blorbos too)

#artsy's post #artsy's asks #artsy's fabrication: asks #artsy's moot sillies #artsy's fabrication #artsy's ocs #tw: tarantula mention #tw: spider mention #dw abt cody they're fine they just need to be designed beyond the head and shoes haha #now time to copy paste some of this as a general blurb for Fabrication bc i cba to rewrite much lol #tysm for asking abt this moot!! it really made my day :D

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communist-ojou-sama · 1 year ago

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Okay, done. Let me get my thoughts in order here. This is about Otherside Picnic volume 8 by the way so like. Viewer beware I guess.

I'd been struggling, seeing all the lovely analysis by others, to get a hold on what I felt was going on thematically with this novel having not touched it directly since January, and having devoured it perhaps too quickly back then. So, where to start? Freud, I guess. It's no secret that Miyazawa is very interested in academic research in general, given our setting and the lengthy scenes of Sorawo's seminars to which we're treated, not to mention Kozakura's mention of the similarity of interacting with the Otherside to having various psychiatric ailments, so, let's take a step back. What does it mean, anyway, to engage with the Otherside, on a thematic level? I think there is a very strong case, perhaps made elsewhere, that it has to do with engaging with the id, the most fundamental part of our psyche over which we have the least control. honestly, given how the novel ends, this is maybe just text and not subtext at this point.

It has long been clear that Miyazawa is deeply interested in the intersection of trauma and desire, but in the first file we can see he's handing us a map. First, we have our scene between Sorawo and Toriko that establishes the frame narrative for the rest of the novel, Sorawo has to tell Toriko how she feels about her, there's no longer any avoiding it.

The problem is, Sorawo has always been drawn by the Otherside, the irrational and unknowable base of emotion, which defies the construct of language and consensus reality itself, for her, being asked to take that roiling torrent of id and make it into something socially legible is, well, deeply boring. (I strongly agree personally)

And so we have a number of what are basically Socratic discourses on the nature of desire, and how that desire is constructed by society (Benimori) and how our fundamental urges are related to reality (Tsuji). I'll have to chew over what Tsuji herself represents in the narrative, but that's my read for now.

The reason why whatever it is on the other side of the Otherside (lol, also not going to speculate about what that is here) uses terror to connect to humans is because terror is one of our most primordial emotions, one of the ones closest to the id. To interact with the Otherside is to confront one's own id directly.

Sorawo, who had an abusive childhood in which a very specific kind of society, a cult, attempted to destroy who she was and fully deny her id, clings on to it even as it confuses her, and this intense conflict between her id, ego, and super-ego gives birth to her doppelgänger, which is the manifestations of the more complex desires of the ego and id that her superego is unprepared to confront.

Toriko, who is the product of a loving marriage between two lesbians, and as we learn has a longstanding relationship with lesbian erotica, is able to bear the weight of confronting her own id because she has had the role models in her life to teach her that desire is not something to be feared.

Kozakura, is paralyzed by fear at her own id, and holes herself into her home, shuts herself off from the world, to avoid the risk of confronting it, though with sorawo at her side, when forced into the situation, she's at least able to trudge her way through a bit (just saying, put a pin in it)

our first explication with Benimori tackles this issue of desire head-on, talking about how the raw desire of human beings is a deeply complex thing that we force into molds to make the world easier to comprehend for ourselves, but reassures Sorawo that she need not subject herself to that if she doesn't want to (I love benimori so much she's an angel)

Tsuji of course then talks to Sorawo about the notion of consensus reality, about how in our everyday lives we subscribe to a reality that is communally audited and maintained, but that via the Otherside, another kind of agreed reality can be constructed. I have a Lot of thoughts on this conversation but my one sentence aside is that I think that Tsuji's character and her staring contest with Sorawo lead into some more specific themes that have to do with the "desire and the eye", of Sorawo-as-voyeurist, of reader-as-voyeurist, and the mediation of desire through objects (including the objectification of human beings) but, like I said, I need more time to chew on that idea, and reread the conversation before I expound on that more. Watch this space!

#Otherside Picnic #裏世界ピクニック

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uchiha-7thsingularity · 2 years ago

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It's been a while. I was sick with covid and exams are coming up. Here's a quick drabble of step parenthood (ft. Felix) if MC was a parent. Pretty long so the others will be separate. Next will be a Rime comfort (poly edition). Relax and enjoy!

Felix Iskander Escellen:

If he didn't admire you over the moon and back. He sure does more so than before. Infinitely. Guilty for keeping you away from your child/children. You assure him daily but worry a little in the back of your head for their well being and his.

You do admit to missing them and talking abundantly about stories you've read to them for nap time. Their favorite meals and snacks. Hobbies they've picked up on for entertainment or simply interest.

Emo prince hasn't put thought into having kids of his own. Not even with Rime, since I think the two had other things on their mind like the school, war, their next meal, and relationship goals. (I do believe those two reflected on their family upbringing and just stared wary of the topic altogether or put a pin on it for the future.) Anyway he respects your parenting skills unless he had an opinion or two on what you could do differently to assess a situation/ argument. Man barely knows how to take care of children...but you still ask him for advice or his insight on a matter to reflect your decisions in the future.

After everything that you two went through he figures a way to have portals open between both your worlds. When you ask him if he wants to meet your kid/ kids he is hesitant about first impressions. He would absolutely still want to get to know your own kin. Don't know if you had an ex or are a widow but that's another conversation for another time. Or you've talked about it beforehand. If your ex or the other parent figure is still around will solely respect their part in the kid's lives. (He knows well enough of having divorced parents himself. File childhood trauma away to deal with another time.)

Constantly you remind him to not be nervous and that you've talked to your child/kids earlier on meeting him. And they agreed wholeheartedly. Unless the kid is a baby/toddler then you have to reassure him even more to relax and take a breath.

Apprehensive to a tee. He wants to be on cloud 9 and has reread every parent book or communications novelties to prepare him for his first impressions. You have to pinch his cheeks and reassure him that no matter his impressions your children would love him just as much as you do. This man is grateful for your kind words but on the inside he is screeching.

Upon meeting your child/children the tension is thick, as soon as, they burst question after question and info dumping about you and earth. And the things they've heard about him along the way from you. 'Do you have real skulls in your sock drawers? Is there such as thing as walking skeleingtons/ beasts? Can your kitty summon demons or better yet duplicate herself?' He's blinking gradually trying to grasp the curiosity he himself now has. Now he feels like an idiot for worrying and has a new purpose.

Infodumps. *smartass face appears* shares his entire experiences/ experiments to his new star pupil/pupils. He gets so lost relinquishing his knowledge of life and death into a wide-eyed kid/kids who is giddy to play with his mysterious goo summoned from the void. 🤯

Now safe to say if they were an infant the baby is nuzzling their head into his neck while giggling nonstop. He is nervous to hold them 😨 but the baby just bangles nonsense and wraps their tiny hands around his finger while looking up at him 😶 while having their binkie.

At one point he looks at you with such adoration you return it with pure tenderness that the kid/kids makes disgusted face at your lovey-dovey affection. (They'll understand if or when they fall in love. Whether platonic or romantic). Hours spent teaching and reading to the point they both pass out on the couch with drool on the pillows. (Adorable)

Felix attempts to make lunches with you for them to take to school. Might slip a note in with a treat without you knowing cause he likes to spoil them. ;) they got him wrapped around their finger for a get-out-of-grounding card.

Buys them toys and outfits. Again if they are still a toddler or infant the baby clothes make him tear up and gush about their tiny hands and feet. 🥰

One day you spot him coloring in a sketchbook while sipping his lemon tea while your child just sips their juice copying his every move. He acts like he doesn't know but he does.

His favorite time is reading them a bedtime story and seeing them lull asleep by his voice and yours. Then you fall asleep and he just appreciates the little soft moments he's gotten to have by his fair share of mistakes. Doesn't know how the hell he got here to have a found family.

Imagine he lets him do his massacre one day and looks foolish but keeps it on. Sage and anisa make jokes but he sweeps them aside.

One day he shows you an empty room he plans to renovate for your loved ones to have their own room. Man's a keeper! :)

Will always let them call him whatever they like for ex: fe, pa, Papa, sir, mister. Won't pressure them into calling him those names but will be more concerned if they feel comfortable or safe. (Maybe in the future they can sit and talk about their friendship) for the moment their both content on learning more about each other.

Writing ain't perfect. Trying to improve. Still working on rime route chapter one.

#fictif #last legacy #felix escellun #last legacy felix #felix iskandar escellun #gender neutral reader #parenting

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currentfandomkick · 10 months ago

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Danny knew, knew he was fucked.

He knows most people from Amity do badly outside of it since the GIW. He knew his powers were a lot like a magical girl’s, only without the pretty weapons and dress, and more sci-fi.

It used to make him happy.

He knew since he was seven he emitted ectoplasm—something his parents checked over regularly. Nothing dangerous—just him more prone to out bursts and poor impulse control.

Jazz pointed to childhood trauma, and a host of other developmental factors, possible disabilities and disorders from physical to emotional to psychological.

Danny figured he was lucky to survive the accident and get his powers under control. That leaving Amity didn’t make him sick. And that despite possibly possessing his own corpse, he was somehow growing so he must be doing something right.

Jazz commented on a DNA analysis done on their parents and them.

Danny wasn’t the only one with an active meta gene, his dad is right there, but he did get a very different version of it. Mom said it was her fault for forgetting her hazmat suit so often in the first trimester.

Either way, finding out his ‘ectoplasm is not dangerous to me’ gene was also keeping him alive and not a corpse sucked.

He got attention on the GIW. They captured and torturing his classmates. He made sure Ellie was in another country and safesafesafe from it all.

Then he got hit with the collar and it wasnt his powers missing—his core was silent. His core that kept him alive—worked in tandem with his brain and heart to maintain basic body functions.

He knew shit hit the fan.

He tried to explain—fuck, it was in his medical files and his parents files on his ‘unique interactions with ectoplasm’ but the only thing the jackoffs in charge saw was ‘meta gene active’ to slap a collar on him like he was less than Cujo, just some disobedient dog incapable of obeying and needing ‘correction’ the “hard way”.

He almost wished the portal was still open.

Almost.

Some new billionaire fruitloop got custody of him—yelling that Vlad made him a parent and killed his babies did wonders on stopping Dan Part Two.

He knows he’s dying. Again.

He half wonders how the liminals of Amity will handle things now.

He doesnt have much ability to ‘think’ since the collar was put on.

Apparently Bruce isn’t allowed to touch it.

He’d had it on for maybe a week when his legs stopped working right. His body stopped putting out proper heat and was constantly bordering hyperthermia.

His mortal doctor didn’t look at the files from his parents—or maybe they couldn’t find them?

Everything was fuzzy and hazy and Not There.

Then a poor liminal came in and he had to get them out. Had to

His core screamed to save them from this.

He couldn’t get out of bed. The liminal ran over to him.

“Hey, easy ki—”

“R, run. Before they get you,” Danny managed to slur out.

“Dead not safe here. Run.”

His core was shaking.

He knew he’d be dead-dead a lot sooner.

(Can he even have a ghost again? Or was that just the meta gene?)

“Collar kills. Run.”

The liminal was shaking, confused and angry.

“Save yourself. Run.”

It was getting dark again.

—

Jason knew two things when he got into the manor—something was there that shouldn’t be, and there was a dying foster kid.

Meta.

The wring feeling was urgent, and the kid was having a seizure. His eyes were glowing green. The Pitts got the kid.

He tried to help. “Hey, hey ki—”

“R, run. ‘Fore they g’t ‘ou.”

The kid had to be delirious, right? Right?? Why wasn’t he in a frenzy.

“D’d nah s’fe ‘ere. R’n.”

How did the kid know. That gut feeling got a lot deeper and may as well have been a chasm swallowing him whole.

Why was the kid telling him to—

The kid’s spasms slowed.

Alfred and Lesley skittered in.

“What happened?”

“Kid shorted when I—”

“Colla’ kills. Run.” The kid rasped.

The room froze as the kid’s heart rate dropped.

“S’vve y’rself. R’nnn.”

Jason didn’t think. He did.

He scrambled to get that stupid collar off. Kid should get some dignity in death.

Alfred and Lesley were talking, he knew everyone else somehow was in the room, there was yelling but the kid was more important.

The dying kid shouldn’t be chained up like a rabid dog.

Fuck what the stupid foster system said. They threw him to Ma Gunn the first time. They threw Dick into every juvenile detention facility and he knew they knew shitall about keeping kids actually safe.

Everyone stilled when the threw that stupid collar somewhere.

The kid wasn’t breathing.

Jason began chest compressions. Someone was managing the bag part—he didn’t care to look.

Something was buzzing in the kids chest.

That gut feeling told him to push harder.

He did.

Everyone was shouting but the kid made a sound.

Everything lit up.

Kid was platinum blond, tanner and his clothes changed.

He flung himself forward, into fetal position. Grabbing at the back of his neck.

The kid was mumbling, his words staticky.

“Have to save them.” The kid kept repeating. “Stop GIW save Amity. Save Fright. Keep safe. Ellie in danger. Guard daughter. My corechild. Mine. Not Vlad’s.”

Jason put a hand near the kid slowly.

“Kid?”

He stopped moving, head swiveling to his.

Glowing green eyes.

“Must Protect. Keep haunt safe. Fright in danger. Amity in danger. Ellie in danger. Must make safe safesafesafe.”

Jason nodded, pretending he knew what any of that meant. (He knew the kid’s life was blown up to run away. Knew the kid’s everyone was in danger. Knew the kid wasn’t just meta. Undead meta. LiKemE.)

“Breathe.”

“Don’t need. Save fright. Protect. Run—collar bad. Collar Ends.”

Jason swallowed hard. “Bad collar is off. Human?”

“Half,” the kid answered, eyeing the room. “Human huuuurt. Bodyyy nooo gooood. Fix. Fix fix fix but need. Need fright. Human words hAAArD.”

Jason looked at the others. The kid being mixed species explained a Lot. And may have a split personality…. Shit.

“Other half?”

“Ectooo-entitititity,” the kid answered, almost glitching.

“The collar made your human side sick,” Jason probed, eyeing the kid carefully.

He was floating off the bed, mostly in fetal position.

“No. Human side always sick-k-k. I fix. Died much. Human hurts, i fix. Couldn’t fix,” the kid pointed to the discarded collar. “Killllling link. Link keep human partssss ssssafe. Human restststssss.”

Jason’s stomach dropped. Kid died. A lot. The kid’s metagene kept it from sticking.

The gene that stupid collar was blocking.

And his family almost killed the poor kid by keeping it on.

“Must goooo. Daughter unsafe. I fix.”

Jason froze. Kid is definitely still in high school. And no way he’s more than a sophomore.

“Can you bring her here? Leslie can check her human side,” Jason placated.

The kid paused. “No take.”

“No take, she’s still yours,” Jason agreed, ignoring the rest of his family plotting behind him. “If you want, the two of you can stay with me. The Alley’s Gotham’s Projects though, okay?”

“No collar,” the kid demanded.

“No collar.”

“Protect baby. Destroy GIW. Save fright.”

“Kid, no issues with that in my end. Okay?”

“Yes. Baby needs me. Return with my corechild.”

Jason watched the kid fade from view.

“Jason,” Lesley approached.

“What were you two discussing?”

The chasm was back.

Oh. Only he could understand the kid.

Dp x Dc fic idea that wouldn't let me sleep:

"No, you don't understand! I need my powers. I'll die without them!" Danny pleaded with the officer in front of him.

"Sure, kid, and I need a burger. You'll be just fine without your flight or superstrength or whatever. Look, I see kids like you all the time nowadays. You think just because you have a few powers, you can become some kind of hero. You run away from home, cause trouble in the name of 'justice' or whatever. Then reality hits. You start stealing. What's a few stolen bucks or candy bars in the name of the greater good, right? It's a downward spiral from there. Seems you were pretty far down the spiral. Beating up government agents? Kid, there is no way in hell I'm letting you out of here without the meta power suppressant collar. You're lucky Mr. Wayne was so generous and decided to foster you until we find your parents. I would've sent your troublesome ass back to juvie."

I was thinking this was a bad timeline where the Fenton parents died and Danny ran away. The power suppressing collar does work on him somehow, and cuts him off from his ghost half, which stops the ectoplasm that was keeping him alive since the accident.

I pictured Bruce as the foster parent that decided to help the troubled teen, but it could be anyone. Imagine if Lex Luthor decided he wanted to "help" (read: manipulate the young meta into doing his bidding) Danny instead. Extra angst.

#dp fans like angst right?#munch on this angst #dcxdp #writing prompts #danny phantom #jason todd #liminal jason #runaway danny #long post #enjoy the lore drops

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sincelastsession · 6 months ago

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Joshua that number I left for my past EMDR therapist is the only way I've gotten in touch with her. I did request my records, she said she'd send them. They weren't delivered ever. I really really do want to get my files from her I am entitled to a copy via state law. It contains a fuck ton about me that I really feel will help because the sheer amount of traumas to bring up again is going to jar me trying to list em out. I feel like it'll definitely assist you on my treatment plan greatly because we did A LOT.

I assume that there's a place files of this nature are supposed to go?

I assume you would know who to call to help me secure them? Or perhaps we could find out. Even if you don't want to use them...I would very much like a copy of her files on me.

I can sign paperwork for you next session for you to get my files if I haven't and idk who else you'd like to talk to or option to chat with other than psychiatrist and primary care but I'll sign documents with them.

I think she still has a profile on psychology today and email...but the text number I left has been my only way to catch her...

I don't want to be nasty but if she can't produce my files I will call a lawyer. Because yes they'll be great for therapy but I asked a while back.

I'm going to send an image of your card to her and request she leave a voice-mail or talk to Chelsea so we can get that done.

It's just BOTHERING me.

I do understand your treatment style us very different.

Also fuck Robyn. I got so much "feedback" to say about her. She takes literal young men and women who are struggling and honestly I see those patients struggling more with thier gender identity and transitioning. I don't think she's safe for LGBTQA+ folks. That's imo something that should be between a psychiatrist and endo foremost before hitting therapy. Like ive spoken to mine about it and we have different views but now that I have I can open up abt that. Like she invited a client to her home. I feel she pushed a bi male into transitioning and imo the trans ppl I know are happy and she doesn't seem happy now at all. She told me to break up with my now ex and treated me like a liar and literally sessions with her felt like interrogation and SUPER judgy and she was VERY FAKE with my parents who were ofc putting on a show for her.

I cannot begin to explain how well my parents are at manipulating therapists and turning it into everything being on me and as soon as I say something in response or try to blow their cover it's WILD because the one thing they don't realize they do is thier facial expressions. They'll either over mask or forget to do it. They always trip up.

Mom likes to play victim and very clueless kind. Dad does this in a different manner, he's subject to get pissed and walk out or raise his voice unless he's gonna act right because you're not a woman.

The weirdest part of having been raised by these people. The way I've studied them since childhood to please them. They adapt and use therapy against me. They don't remember what they've said or done. They seem put out by me telling them "hey what you did was fuckin wrong and yeah I've brought it up before and you shut down and we never settled it" then they'll be like "you just love to hold grudges" etc... but it's not that. I'd like to process it all or what I can. The reason it comes up over and over is because it's not going into memories to be forgotten in my brain. It's just hanging out in the fuckin trauma bay. Like a packed ER.

I am open to whatever type of family therapy is beneficial. Often times my dad is nasty to my mom when she's calling or texting about me. I don't think she deserves any bullshit if she's just relaying a message.

Like they got divorced and still fight like idiot assholes.

She left and I had a fucked up back and was a stoner and kept to myself because my father treated me like a partner to abuse and daughter to control and there's a ton of emotional incest. Dad also talks to young ppl online and what I saw years ago looked like grooming behavior and poor pity me with women of age I hope but still younger than me. Probably because many older men try to influence young women and never emotionally mature correctly and actually accept their age. I remember him on dating sites complaining about how ugly certain women were whose profiles imo were quite lovely and impressive. He acts sorta like an incel.

My sister you'll probably see straight through. She's an actress.

I do want to see with a few sessions if it may be possible to salvage anything with any of them.

What's upsetting is that though I have a poor sense of self...they don't really know me or seem to want to know me.

My psychiatrist thinks it's due to me not being healthy and also that I'm not married and doing the "normal" thing so there's resentment.

Since NONE of them listen to anything I have to say because they're all under the impression I'm trying to control them based on well nothing other than I'm gonna guess THE PAST.

They think I'm frantic. They haven't really read anything about what I deal with. They don't listen to listen. They listen to reply and they cherry pick and twist things I say to mean things they don't.

I don't know how to have a conversation with any of them without them exploding. My dad and mom have literally put me on speaker and walked off and my sister idfk last time I tried to speak to her she was FADED and I hung up.

They all have excuses.

It hurts that they won't accept and educate themselves like my friends do. It's not hard.

I fear they are both VERY mentally unwell and I'd really like to hear what you think.

I do have audio I keep forgetting to show you. I feel it's important and it will give you an idea of what a "light" encounter with them both while having a fucked up back and asking for help because I couldn't do laundry on my own sounds like. I recorded it because it'd already been happening that day and they do the narccistic tornado and I wanted to make sure my words weren't twisted more.

I wish I had more recorded. It's wild.

I'm concerned my dad is fucking with Piper's head but she's already a shitshow (I love my sister but I'm gonna fuss about her crap still)

I feel like I'm playing Squid Games and talking to any of them is a test.

My dad has told me to kill myself and to die and he's left me alone in the hospital after relieving my mom where I was then abused and left in a waiting room with a dead phone and no way to go pee for HOURS because my back was out.

We almost sued OLOL for the maltreatment.

This is not the first time I've been left alone in a hospital and abused.

People think I'm a hypochondriac but I just have a special interest in medical. I grew up in medical environments. Knowing as much as I can retain has kept me safe from further misdiagnosis and malpractice bullshit. I wish I could actually just gent sent to a mayo clinic or idk one of the big hospitals where they use diagnosticians and run you through the gambit.

I know it's not a thing unless ppl are very sick. I mean it was traumatic as a child to be put in NIH testing for a Dermatomyositis study. I don't remember meeting other kids. I just met Ted Kennedy one day while I was playing waiting on another test. It was scary being like 8 and seeing secret service fill a room and guard a door so he could have a photo with me. He did talk to me a ton and I really don't remember what he said. My parents were thrilled and I'm sure there's a cat piss stained picture somewhere.

Did you know that my sister and dad just threw a ton of my things away and donated or tossed most of my books. I had a massive bookshelf. Now it's covered with things that are mine and shit my sister used to make her room aesthetic without asking me.

It has always been hard to go home and get anything from her. I really just want to take everything that was or is mine. Things I gave her and things she stole.

I don't think she realizes I have 2yrs to file a report on the assault and I could take her to court for emotional distress too and probably more.

I've never gotten justice for any of the things that have happened to me.

I wish I could just send all thier asses to prison but they wouldn't survive.

They all think I won't do anything. That's been taunted at me.

They have no clue. They have no clue what they created and they have no clue what goes on in my head.

Sometimes I think that there's something supernatural at play.

I believe in those sorts of things. I don't talk about it much enthusiastically because ofc people like to shit on it.

I know most of the things that haven't been proven by science will eventually be.

I know that also it does exist. Our govt wouldn't have done studies to use ppl with ability for war purposes.

I know a lot of cold reading is fueled by trauma. I don't like to cold read. I think people who sell cold reads etc are just very good at telling others what they want to hear...or they're so desperate they will truly take advice.

When I read things come through and there's this process. It's mind's eye where pictures and words come through. Then I just ask about what I see or deliver whatever messages. I was pushed out of a group that was threatened by my reading. They were threatened because they are frauds. If a message doesn't make sense for someone then I tell them to just take what makes sense. It's often like a crowded room when I read for people. It's been a while since I tried beyond simple shit. I've scared the crap out of friends holding thier hand and reading them. Because they never told me about the people I relayed messages. I didn't just guess. I opened myself up to it and flooded in.

Sometimes I want to get Reiki certification so I can just do that for ppl. I was told by a master that I was a natural energy worker. I was told by native shamans that I was a gatekeeper. My grandmothers had thier little superstitious practices.

This is the part you'll probably want to ask more about if I haven't talked abt it. I've exorcized a demonic or spiritual entity out of a person before. There's no way to prove it. I know what I saw and heard. I wasn't high.

It makes me wonder how many cases are actually supernatural and how many are actually just mental illness.

Also it's been driving me insane Joshua but I know you somehow outside of therapy. I do wonder if we've just been at the same place at the same time more than once and that's why I remember your face or if we have many mutual ppl. This is a big city small town so who knows. I hope it doesn't fuck up th Or you have a doppelganger 🤷🏻‍♀️

Idk.

I think one reason ppl think me and Travis would be a pair is because he's just a really kind good person. This extends beyond me and to others he knows. His family really is picturesque. They are excellent people. He will make someone incredibly happy one day. I am really bothered by people passing him over. He's actually looking for a therapist. I wouldn't be bothered if any of my friends saw you as a patient. The whole "oh no we can't do therapy with people you know" thing imo is silly. People in this state all know each other to the point it's just goofy.

My partner called me all excited that he didn't have to work overnight. He called because he was going out and felt bad that he wouldn't get to chat with me and had planned on doing so and had been excited to do so. He actually said "I Love you" more than once and I told him to go have fun. Saying I Love you is difficult for him sometimes. Am I sad I'm not getting to talk to him? Yes. Am I happy he got out of a stressful work night to enjoy time with his buddies or other partner? Yes, why wouldn't I be? I do get sad that I can't be there but it's still better than half the mfers that are just overgrown fuckbois etc that don't even have the emotional maturity to call.

I'm gonna go smoke out, do smol bit of laundry in my travel laundry bucket thing, eat decent food, stay up to an asinine hour, and play Sims4.

Hopefully no dumb bullshit occurs.

I cannot and I'm not the one this evening.

Goodnight

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