#what are they going to do?? fail me?? if i dont know which article talks about organizing trips for children of the top of my dome?? girl

[imperial-agent]

i have to go through a 30 minute exam and presentation, that i've been prepping for the past year and 9 months, in front of a 5 people jury (including town's mayor) to prove i have the qualifications to teach and that i should in fact earn $5 more 🤡

[magnifythesun]

CCO Anthony Padilla and President Ian Hecox of Smosh

ooooooo let's goooo!

post writing notes: YAY OKAY IVE DONE IT!!! so i read this and immediately assumed you meant a business au and i for the life of me have not been able to think of what kind of business they would run in this fic SO it is "the company" and they make money and also have shareholders and they call their employees their "crew" and dont ask me any details i was unable to figure it out!! but i think this turned out pretty cute?? more angsty than i was anticipating but with comfort i promise.

also i stayed g rated since i wasn't sure what rating you were comfortable with but Company(TM) President Ian and CCO Anthony could get it on i think if anyone wants that in the future lmao, just don't expect any details on what the hell they're selling sorry lmao! also i know nothing about business

bonus points if you can spot the direct reference to the wikipedia article for the term CCO.

---

The responsibility of being in charge of the company weighed heavily on Ian. It had been at its worst when Anthony had left, the fear of driving the company into the ground, of not being a good enough leader, of failing to thrive without his right-hand man.

When Anthony had returned, it was like a breath of the freshest air. Although Ian maintained his position as President, Anthony taking the role of CCO was possibly the best business decision Ian had ever made. Anthony had always been best with the marketing and business strategy, with an eye for the best trends to get their company booming. A huge weight felt like it was moved off Ian's shoulders. He could just focus on the top-level stuff and taking care of his employees and leave the marketing, which Ian had always hated, to Anthony.

Still, this didn't mean Ian didn't get stressed anymore. Ian loved his work, but sometimes it became overwhelming, the way his mind spun around, worrying about the whether he'd assigned the right person to the right project, whether his employees were happy, and so forth. Over the course of each work week, the panic would build up inside, setting him on edge until he would lie awake at night, staring up at his bedroom ceiling as his mind flew.

Reprieve came from an unexpected corner.

There was a routine now. At the end of the work week, there was always a meeting, and he and Anthony would attend. Ian would mostly listen, too stressed and sleep-deprived to think of any meaning contribution. Plus, Anthony was better at leading the meeting anyway, as it was mostly about that week's sales. Afterward, Anthony would talk him down from all his worries, and Ian would be able to breathe until the next week began. This week was no different.

At the end of the meeting, everyone filed out, excited to book it home for the weekend, leaving Ian and Anthony alone in the big meeting room. Ian let out a sigh, his shoulders sagging, letting the last shards of his confident facade crumble and fall. Anthony glanced over at him as he shuffled his papers back into order.

"You alright?" He asked this every week.

"You know me," Ian waved a hand dismissively, "I get in my head."

"You're too hard on yourself, man," Anthony tapped the papers on the desk with finality. "Didn't you hear anything I said just now? Our sales are up, stockholders happy, and we even get to give a big bonus to the whole 'crew,' just like you always talk about doing."

Ian shook his head like he could knock the words away, standing up to face the big window that was letting in the light of the late afternoon sun.

"This year is going great, Ian! Why won't you let yourself celebrate this success that we've built?"

Anthony sounded tired. Ian couldn't blame him. They'd had this conversation every week for the last six months. However, this time, Anthony's words just couldn't shake the dread inside him.

This year, things were going great. But it wasn't that long ago when it had been the whole company on Ian's shoulders, margins in the red, the heavy weight of responsibility for all of his people's livelihoods crushing him into the ground. What's to say this year's success wouldn't be short-lived? Was there already something he wasn't seeing, some sign of trouble to come?

And what if, when things got rough... What if Anthony...

A gentle warm grip on his wrist startled him out of his thoughts. Ian turned, surprised. They'd had this conversation a million times, but Anthony always talked him out of it, sitting over at the table while Ian paced out his anxieties. He'd never come to join him by the window, and certainly had never—

Anthony tugged him slightly so that they were facing each other directly, the sunlight filtering through Anthony's hair so that the light brown highlights he'd gotten sparkled. Ian, for a blessed moment, couldn't think of anything else at all. Then, Anthony's hands took his own.

"I," Anthony started, not seeming sure of himself, "I get this feeling. Every week, I reassure you about the company. About how we're doing. About how our 'crew' seems really happy about where we're at, how we're seeing success at levels we could barely dream of back when we first started this." Anthony paused, his face filled with such genuine worry that Ian felt the hot sting of guilt roil in his stomach. "But, Ian, telling you all that doesn't seem to help you for very long."

Ian sighed, looking off to the side. "I'm sorry, I don't know-"

"I think I do," Anthony cut him off, reaching up to grab his shoulders instead. "Ian, I don't even know if I can say this in a way that will fully convince you, but I—," He pushed through with growing confidence, "I'm not leaving this company again."

How did this man always see right through him?

"I'm not leaving you again," Anthony said, quieter, and Ian couldn't stop the tears that were coming to his eyes. "Ever. Do you understand?"

Ian reached up and swiped the tears away. "Yeah," He said, shakily.

"I'm not leaving." Anthony shook him slightly, the look in his eyes so serious that it began to chip away at the pit in Ian's stomach that had sat there for years.

"Right. Yeah," Ian nodded his head.

"I'm not. We're gonna be running this thing for years," Anthony smiled, "Into the ground if necessary."

Ian laughed, "Okay, okay. I believe you." And he actually did. Another, heavier weight that he hadn't realized he was still carrying felt like it was melting away. "Alright, good."

They stood there just a little too long, Anthony's hands warm on Ian's shoulders, the sun bringing out each delicate shade of brown in Anthony's eyes. And again, for a moment, Ian couldn't think about anything else.

"Right, so." Anthony let go and walked back over to the table. Ian took in a slow, deep breath and let it out as Anthony grabbed his papers and shoved them in his briefcase. "I don't know if you even realized with your President head so far above the clouds, but we just wrapped a fiscal year!"

Ian rolled his eyes. "Of course I know that."

"Just checking!" Anthony beamed at him. "So, wanna celebrate? How about soup at your place?"

That startled a sharp laugh out of Ian. "That's the biggest celebration you can think of?"

"Look," Anthony held up a haughty finger. "As your CCO, I think making soup tonight will allow us to achieve our long-term objectives."

Ian scoffed. "Yeah, your long-term objective to have me cook you soup," Ian said dryly, grabbing his own briefcase and heading toward the door.

"No, hey, hear me out!" Anthony followed him out. "I've got a whole pitch for it and everything!"

[lesbiancolumbo]

(if you dont want to answer this then def dont) I am really curious about your thoughts on the latest scorsese. I've mostly been avoiding all the responses because I'm Inuk and I just don't have the fucking energy for another article churned out by a white person who doesn't give a shit. But I guess my current view is that if this is a story Scorsese really wanted to see told, he should have just supported a Native director to make it from their perspective. Hasn't he directed enough movies lmao

i'm not really going to wade too much into the "scorsese should have just supported a native director" debate since i'm not native and that's not my lane, but i think it's a reasonable desire albeit a little devoid of the unfortunate realities of this industry, which is that even a guy like martin, who is one of the most well-known and well-regarded filmmakers ever, struggled for years to get this made and that films that are from a native filmmaker's perspective are getting a tenth of the budget and buried in release (lily gives a better performance in a film called fancy dance, which i saw at sundance and is a wonderful film, and as far as i can tell, it literally does not even have US distribution yet). so i get it, i don't disagree per se, but i also get why he wanted to use his name and his clout to get this particular project off the ground.

staying in my own lane, my criticisms are mostly with the ways the film looks and how it's adapted from the source material. i think the story is compelling and it's a point in history that needed telling, but the script really takes a lot of the wind out of its own sails by giving the answer to its key question away almost immediately. i haven't read the source material but from what i do know, i think this is kinda the inevitable conclusion of wanting to have your cake and eat it too (having the dicaprio and deniro characters as the primary relationship featured in the film). the structure and pacing of the film are very messy, and i'll be honest.... i expect more visually from a "master" like martin. i expect better from the man everyone compares to a god. his last two movies look flat and boring visually. i also think dicaprio is in a different movie from everyone else, performance wise. he gives way too much at all times, it's distracting and feels tonally off with what everyone else (aside from the recent oscar winner in the cast, who i'm not even gonna dignify with a name lol) is trying to do.

the positives for me are that lily and all the other indigenous actors are insanely good in their roles, but comparatively their roles are just not as weighty compared to dicaprio and de niro. but i'll be honest..... mostly i'm just annoyed in the ways that like we seem to put our head in the sand where martin's work is concerned. like we can't acknowledge that he's not a god, he is merely a man and a flawed one at that. he can stumble and make movies that are flawed, that are (gasps) not that good. but it's the way that the critics and community are just putting their hands over their ears and going this is a masterpiece i don't wanna hear otherwise it's marty, that's pee paw, argue with the wall...... like ok. i hate the way we talk about him, it has grinded my gears for a really long time, and to be honest i'm not shocked that mollie's presence in this film is minimal compared to her male counterparts because marty's track record for women in his movies is..... no one wants to say this but i'm not afraid of the losers on film twitter who prop up two (!!!!!) movies with women who are exceptions to the rule, PISS FUCKING POOR.

so to summarize.... i don't hate the movie at all. it's definitely worth a watch, it has a lot of good things in there, but it's not a masterpiece, it's not his masterpiece, and if you really love scorsese you have to grapple with his failings and his shortcomings. i think they're very apparent in this movie, and it's neither good nor bad. it simply is.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I appreciate what you are doing through your blog, it is great help to so many people like me. I’m having trouble typing myself, mainly as INTJ or INFJ, although I could be ISXJ as well although I am less confident that I am. So, the functions that mainly need to be compared are Fe, Te, Fi and Ti. Here, I list the common behaviours I observe in myself, thank you for taking your precious time to read it :)

- I act like how others act in uncertain social situations. I find the person I’m most comfortable with and act like them. I change my enthusiasm level to match theirs, even though I’m usually quiet and don’t talk. I tell jokes if the other person tells jokes. And be serious if the other person is serious. I observe people for their approval before acting a certain way and am seldom the first one to initiate or act a certain odd way. (Fe vs Fi?)

- When I get upset or disapprove of a person’s behaviour, I seldom act out, because I am not confident I can voice myself clearly. I act out in subtle ways, or “rebel” by ignoring what the person tells me. If I get sufficiently agitated to confront the person or the person confronts me by noticing my subtle actions (such as sending them online articles to prove that what they said is wrong), I am more likely to voice out my feelings in subconscious ways (meaning I don’t verbalise what I’m feeling, I just act on my feeling, although I may have intuition on what’s the healthy way to act) (Ni + Te? + Fe? or Fi?)

- I don’t have much opinions, if people ask me why I do things a certain way, usually I don’t have an answer, I just do what conveniently came into my mind, why do I have to justify everything, as long as it gets the job done right? (Te)

- I feel like I consider values of society before acting, although it is out of fear of being judged or scolded by others. However, I have my own values which may be learnt experience and they feel truer to me, like express your appreciation to others, don’t be rude, honesty (which is why I dont lie even if it makes things worse), openness (which is why I have no tact, and reveal things to my boss that affects my image), have good intentions (everyone should treat the other with respect and harbour good intentions) (Fi?)

- I take things very personally, mainly because I don’t know myself very well, so it’s hard to tell what are the root of my mistakes. So I take the safer bet to blame it on myself, so that I feel emotionally motivated enough to work on it rather than forget about it if I don’t blame myself. (?)

- When I am under stress because of an argument with coworkers, I get defensive subconsciously and try to find all ways to pin the blame on the other person so that I’m not to blame. For example, if someone asks me whether I printed papers the right way, and I think through it and realise that I may have done it wrong, I’ll say nervously, “what right way, I just printed it and gave it to our supervisor. XXX was the one who told me what I needed to do, he didn’t tell me about a right way.” (Fi loop?)

- I worry about the future, who I will be in the future, what I will do in the future, what’s the point of life. I’m at a point where I consider myself a cynicist, because it’s hard to accept that I will fail, so it’s hard for me to take any risk to pursue what I want (and also because I’m young and don’t know myself yet). I have random ideas pop out when people point out something, which nobody would reply to usually. (for eg. someone says “wow look at that plane” at the airport which is just a typical plane then to reply, I’ll say “I wish I could go on an A380, it’ll be so cool to go on a plane with 2 floors” to which nobody replies) (Ni)

- I am oblivious to my surroundings, I may not notice things that are right next to me, until I’m panicking or stressed and people point it out to me. For example, at work, they paste little post its near the machines on how to use them, and because there’s post-its all over the place, I don’t bother to read them, and after someone else points it out, it turns out the instructions were right in front of me the whole time) (inferior S, Se?)

- I don’t act if I don’t have to. If I had time, I would spend it in my head thinking about how to best use it, whether I’m using it well etc. And I get caught up thinking whether I’m on the right track, recall what I’ve done the past day, and whether that was the right course of action so that I know whether I have done my part to help myself grow as a person to be more confident and skilled than before. (Ni + Te? or Ti?)

- I’ve been working on both my critical thinking skills because I usually don’t know what I am saying. Like to me, if I could, I wouldn’t reply to a lot of what people say because my mind is blank, my answer to “why do you do it like that, wouldn’t it be better to do it this way” would be it is what it is, I am what I am, I do it like that ditto. So, my replies are basically trying to avoid being blamed for not answering, and usually just a bunch of words as fillers like “yea I didn’t think of that” or “I don’t know”. (?)

- I seldom express my appreciation or even consider others. It’s only after I see someone doing something courteous or after it has happened that I think back that I could have been kinder or expressed my appreciation to them. And I often also worry if I’m being kind enough. I tend to blame myself myself too hard for not being kind to others because I don’t want to be socially rejected by others, and for them to ignore me. (Fe? or Fi?)

- I often judge people and their characteristics (like this guy talks very sternly and confidently, which is intimidating to me, but after talking to him for a long time, it seems fake and just a mindset, and what he says may not actually be correct or as confident as he sounds). However, I am very bad at judging other people’s emotions, I often judge emotions surface level via other’s face which is often neutral or positive, and I seldom see the negative side, although I’m improving, and now I can understand that people may be feeling bad even if they look ok (Fe?)

- I have been called stubborn by others, and unable to change my views because I take things and my views personally. I have been told by some people that I trust less that talking to me is useless because nothing goes into my head to convince me, which could be unrealistic expectation, holding on to my personal values, and also because I am cautious about making any changes because I feel like I’ve already set something of a path to achieve my goals and be who I want to be, and accepting new views is going to be disruptive and put me back at square 1. (Si? because I stay with my routines / path to achieve my goals?)

- I overthink a lot, habitually, because of subconscious emotional forces, likely from my dom function (Ni?) about random ideas and planning / visualising what’s going to happen the next day or the next week etc, due to fear of being blamed at work. I try, but it’s overthinking or just thinking in my head is a part of me, that I can’t really remove like other people.

- I’m not sure about Ti, because I just can’t fathom how interpretation of facts can be subjective. I try to obtain multiple sources of facts, to get an average perspective of what is right, and seldom just believe based on a single person. But once I get an average perspective, I hold on to it quite tightly, and am resistant to new ideas being shared to me because I feel that I already have a righter answer which considers many facts (I know it’s not correct, but it’s subconscious)

Overall, I have been leaning towards INTJ, although I’m not too sure. Thank you for reading through this message, and I hope you will reply, and give me your thoughts on my type :)

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All type assessment requests must follow the instructions on the contact page carefully. You must answer all the questions from the Function Theory Guide for every function of the two stacks you are comparing. Since you did not follow the instructions, you lack sufficient knowledge of the functions and the information you've provided is uneven and incomplete. The information for dominant Ni and inferior Se is patchy and does not rise to the level of definitive proof, and it is insufficient for ruling out all other types. The examples you've given overwhelmingly support auxiliary Fe and tertiary Ti, whereas there is little to no evidence of auxiliary Te and tertiary Fi. Be warned that seriously misinterpreting these functions indicates that you are operating on too many misconceptions that need to be corrected before you attempt any sort of function development.

[purplespaceace]

very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

[weirdmageddon]

my rheumatologist has done more for me towards getting a POTS diagnosis than my cardiologist thats kinda sad bro

i came in to the cardiologist the other day (finally after waiting MONTHS) hoping for a tilt table test to see how my heart rate and blood pressure react to orthostasis in a controlled setting. the doctor didnt actually do a thing to test me for it in-office, i was just told to schedule an echo (which is fine), holster (alright) and stress test (why). but i was also prescribed eastern medicine as a treatment....“superbrain yoga”? like i dont want to seem closeminded because she is an indian doctor and there are some things that western medicine hasn’t caught on to but i realy wish i was told why it is supposed to work. like i want to know physiologically how and why it supposedly works. get technical and mechanical with me bro i have le autism, thats my language if you wanna really convince me. if it’s about toning up the muscles in my legs to squeeze the blood into my core upon standing why dont i just do squats? why do i have to do all this really specific stuff like hold my tongue at the roof of my mouth and face east, crossing my arms (right arm must go over left) and maneuver my hands in a certain way to grab my earlobes while doing those squats? is that merely a concentration sort of thing to make your brain focus? if so, why not just let me know what the purpose to these specific movements are (and what does focusing my brain have to do with treating POTS symptoms anyway)?? i’m not a spiritual person so the spiritual aspects of it do nothing for me. but at least i wasn’t given intensive aerobic exercise because i cant do that lol. i was just prescribed core strength training with planks and crunches (fine with me) and “superbrain yoga” (the specifics still confuse me but i’m doing it anyway)

but i didnt even get a tilt table test while i was there, i asked about it and she said “we stopped doing tilt table tests a while ago” and i was like ????????? thats like the gold standard to test for POTS my guy. based on just my symptoms she said i had dysautonomia and i asked “what about POTS?” and she said “it could be” and i was like ? could be? bro you didnt even test for it?

the whole visit just felt really vague and dismissive to my issues (yet again). fucking even my rheumatologist said before this visit to the cardiologist that i “probably have POTS”

so when i left the cardiologist the other day i wrote this up because i was very upset, felt dismissed, and took matters into my own hands to show what kind of medical concepts i’m capable of comprehending and the kind of language i want doctors to talk to me about my conditions in. and today i read it to my rheumatologist during today’s appointment:

the cardiologist says i have dysautonomia, “caused by dysfunction of the small blood vessels”. in the clinic, the nurse measured my laying vs standing blood pressure (which increased rather than decreased) but they didn’t do my heart rate there for some reason. but on my own i’ve measured my heart rate to jump above 30 bpm within 10 minutes of standing, so with all the symptoms lining up exactly with what’s expected of POTS (heart rate increase greater than 30 bpm within 10 minutes of standing, no drop in blood pressure, lightheadedness, brain fog, palpitations, prolonged fatigue, heat intolerance, excessive sweating etc), i’m convinced that the type of dysautonomia i specifically have is POTS, not just the umbrella term “dysautonomia”, and the specific brand of POTS i have is the neuropathic POTS subtype which is thought to be caused by sympathetic denervation (partial autonomic neuropathy) in the lower extremities. this causes the blood vessels in my legs not to constrict as they should when standing, which in turn causes blood to pool in the legs and not return to the heart, causing the heart to have to source its blood supply from elsewhere in the meantime to compensate (with an overall lower venous return), driving up the heart rate and causing lightheadedness. my blood tests also showed i am also very slightly anemic by 0.1 point below the normal range (11.6 g/dL) the resulting denervation hypersensitivity from the sympathetic denervation what is thought to cause erythromelalgia—which i express all the hallmark symptoms of as well in my feet (redness, increased skin temperature, burning sensation (feels like walking on a hot pool deck), cold to touch and bluish purple when not actively flaring, flaring occurs at night, symptoms worsen with exposure to heat and exercise (including walking on feet while flaring) and are relieved with cooling and elevation). i have no response to the cold unlike with what is seen in raynauds. i actually consider cold exposure my savior; the heat is my worst enemy, it makes me feel faint and lightheaded dysautonomia-wise and it makes my feet flare up rheumatologically.

“Several previous investigations have provided clues that patients with the postural tachycardia syndrome have peripheral autonomic dysfunction. Streeten et al. found that patients with orthostatic tachycardia had excessive venous pooling in the legs while standing and suggested that denervation of the legs was a mechanism of the syndrome. This hypothesis was supported by the finding of hypersensitivity to infusion of norepinephrine into the veins of the foot, despite high plasma catecholamine concentrations. [...] These stimuli increased norepinephrine spillover in the arms of both the patients with the postural tachycardia syndrome and the normal subjects, with similar increases in the two groups, but failed to increase norepinephrine spillover in the legs of the patients. [...] The reduced clearance of norepinephrine in the legs, without a similar reduction in the arms, may result from impairment of norepinephrine-reuptake mechanisms due to isolated damage to nerve terminals in the legs. [...] CONCLUSIONS: The neuropathic postural tachycardia syndrome results from partial sympathetic denervation, especially in the legs.” — (https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJM200010053431404)

“The laser Doppler flowmetry signal after sympathetic stimulation of reflexes mediated through the central nervous system, was significantly diminished in patients with erythromelalgia as compared with healthy controls. [...] Vasoconstrictor responses involving central sympathetic reflexes were attenuated in erythromelalgia. Local neurogenic vasoconstrictor regulation, vasodilator response to local heating and hyperemic response to ischemia were maintained. [...] The finding of reduced skin perfusion before provocation is in accordance with the clinical observations that many erythromelalgia patients exhibit cold acral skin between attacks. [...] These results indicate that postganglionic sympathetic dysfunction and denervation hypersensitivity may play a pathogenetic role in primary erythromelalgia.” — (https://linkinghub.elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0022-202X(15)41629-X)

“Denervation hypersensitivity is a phenomenon peculiar to smooth muscle innervated by the general visceral efferent system. Following denervation there is increased sensitivity of the muscle to neurotransmitters. This is evident in smooth muscle innervated by sympathetic neurons when the postganglionic axon is affected. Such denervated muscle shows hypersensitivity to the application of epinephrine or to circulating epinephrine released during excitement.” — (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/B9780721605616500198)

although my rheumatologist is in no position to give me a POTS diagnosis she very much agreed with the connections i made and said she thinks i am right on the mark with my conditions. she told me im a real academic patient and even that i’d be well suited for going into medicine lol. not only is it refreshing to have a doctor that doesn’t disregard their patient’s knowledge, but it’s good to see what i’ve learned about nerves from my biopsych classes (and in my own time for funsies) paying off in ways concerning my health. my mom who is a nurse also agrees that neuropathic POTS and erythromelalgia are what i have.

anyway the POTS symptoms have been a massive thing for me since puberty and the erythromelalgia developed a year or so after my POTS symptoms started. but i’ve always had freezing cold clammy hands and feet since i was a young child, they just hadn’t started changing colors and flaring until after i hit puberty. i’m not sure what destroyed the sympathetic nerve fibers in my legs (as most POTS happens in teenagers due to some viral illness but i’ve never had that?), i was also just tested for a bunch of autoimmune factors and disorders and my results came back negative. maybe it’s just a genetic factor, who knows, probably something caused by a hormone’s cascading effect gone awry at some point. it seems a lot of autistic afab people have POTS or some other type of dysautonomia for some reason and i’m curious as to why.

anyway i’m really stuck in a liminal space because i have no official diagnosis beyond “dysautonomia” but i’ve been sure of what it is for like over a year and it keeps getting clearer and clearer that i was right all along

[zukkoxx]

mha boys realizing they’re in love pt.1

w/ deku, bakugo

tw⚠️ insecurities!, self doubt!

deku 🥦

izuku knew he loved you since you guys started dating.

he had liked you for a long time, and when you finally got together in your last year of UA, he couldn’t have been happier.

he planned on living the rest of his life with you. and would go through any feats to make it possible.

so when you started to feel doubts about your relationship? that was a wake up call for him.

you had just finished training, all sweaty and tired, walking back to your dorm with a towel around your neck.

you scrolled through your phone mindlessly, and just happened to come across a twitter post about your boyfriend, deku, who had just taken down one of the villains that’s been on the run for months.

you smiled. you were so proud of him. already achieving his dream in becoming one of the greatest heroes. and getting the recognition he finally deserved.

you made it your your dorm, slumping on your bed as you read some of the comments.

woah this guy is still attending UA!? he’ll be a great hero for sure

there’s no one like him!

deku strikes again! what a stud😍

you laughed at some, grimaced at others that claimed the mission was too easy for him. but one particular comment had you freezing in your spot.

is he single? i won’t hesitate to run to the scene and give him my hand in marriage right now!

you knew it was a fun, lighthearted comment. but you clicked the the commenters page and instantly noticed how beautiful as preppy she was.

she was also a big deku fan...probably had more merch than you.

you sighed and threw your phone across the bed.

for the past few weeks, you had been thinking about how different you and izuku were in terms of success.

you were both in your last year of high school, and he had already done so much.

worked on so many cases with pro heroes and went through successful missions all the time. he was destined to become the greatest hero.

and you?

well, you’ve never even caught a villain.

sure you’ve helped out on low grade missions for the hero you interned under, but you had never been publicly praised like izuku. you never stood out.

you had trouble believing you’d become a hero at all.

you always wondered, wouldn’t izuku be better off with someone that could keep up with him? who wouldn’t hold him back. someone who he wouldn’t leave in the dust when he excelled in the future.

he deserved someone better.

your thoughts were cut off when your dorm door brushed open, revealing no other than the man himself.

izuku walked into your room with worried eyes and seemed out of breath.

“y/n? ive texted and called a bunch of times. why haven’t you answered?” he asked, and you subtly turned to your phone that you discarded on the other half of the bed.

“my ringer was off. sorry izu.” you tired to give him a smile as he sat next to you on your bed. “i saw an article about your mission today. you were amazing!” you complimented.

“ahh you give me too much credit. i couldn’t have dont anything with the pro heroes and other people helping.”

“still, you’re a great hero. i wish i was like that.” you chuckle dryly, past insecurities already pushing forward again.

“what!? you’re a great hero y/n!” izuku exclaimed.

“i’ve barely done anything izuku. i don’t know how you put up with me. i should be able to help you on your missions, but i’m stuck in the same position i have been in. i don’t know when i’ll improve.”

you didn’t mean to sound so pathetic, but you had been feeling this way for so long. it was all just spilling out now.

and izuku? he literally stopped breathing when he heard what you were saying about yourself. “you deserve someone that will be able to keep up with you. what will people think when they find out the amazing deku is dating a weak, incapable, good for nothing-”

“don’t say one more word y/n.” izuku cuts you off, and you look up to meet his eyes piercing yours.

they were dark, nothing like their usual gleaming glow that shined when he looked at you.

there was no sign of amusement on any of his features. just dead seriousness

“what the hell are you talking about y/n?” he asks, but doesn’t give you a chance to respond. “you’re one of the most courageous, brave, intelligent, capable people i know! where is all of this coming from?”

“i’ve been thinking about it for a while. it’s just you’re so...amazing and i’m so...” you knew anything you could have said after that would make him even more angry. it was nothing positive.

god he probably hated you for being so insecure.

“you’re you, y/n.” izuku says softly. “you’re you and you’re who i love. i don’t care about what i do, what you do, who says what! i love you for you!”

izuku looks at you with so much love and compassion. you stared into his eyes, wondering what was gong on in his head.

well? at the moment he despised himself for letting you feel this way.

you were his whole world! the person who supported you in everything he did and he would support you in the same way! he couldn’t understand why you were feeling this way when he was literally...in love with you.

he loved you yeah of course, but hearing the way you were speaking about yourself, and how you had doubts about your relationship made his heart physically hurt. he was absolutely and unconditionally in love with you and wouldn’t be able to see himself with anyone else.

and he needed you to hear it.

“y/n you’re my everything! i’m so in love with you, no amount of fame or recognition could make me even think about leaving you!” izuku said urgently, and he finally calmed down when he saw a slight smile reach your lips.

a real one this time.

the conversation continued, and izuku promised to let you learn and remember how in love he was with you until it was the last thing he’d do.

bakugo 💥

bakugo would never pursue anyone unless he definitely knew he loved them.

so of course he never asked you out when he couldn’t differentiate if what he felt for you was love, or if it was a stupid little crush.

he didn’t like thinking about his feelings, especially the irrelevant ones.

he was trying to become the number one hero. who needed time for love anyways?

so he ignored his “feelings” for you, not allowing them to confuse him any longer.

it wasn’t until a few months into his third year when bakugo got the worst news of his life.

you were on a mission. an important one that had you absent from school for weeks.

bakugo was worried.

he’d text you every few days, asking what was going on and how things were and you’d always respond with “it’s fine.” or “we’re hanging in there.”

he assumed it was a pretty difficult mission, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

you were strong

so when he heard from a certain icy-hot that you were in the hospital in critical condition after completing the mission, he forgot about everything and ran straight to you.

ignoring aizawa’s calls, he almost blasted himself out of UA and checked every hospital for you, considering he didn’t even ask todoroki which one you were in before he left.

when he finally reached the hospital holding you, he sprinted to your room.

he found you hooked up to a bunch of wires and tests.

you looked peaceful, sleeping while the heart monitor beeped beside you.

but you looked horrible. bloody bandages covered almost every limb, and your body was covered in bruises.

bakugo’s heart dropped to his stomach. he couldn’t stand seeing you like this.

why does his feelings have to be 100x more noticeable when your tragically hurt!?

he sat down on the empty chair beside the hospital bed, wondering why no one else was visiting at this time.

he stared at you, something he couldn’t get off of his mind lately.

“why do you make me feel things, dumbass?” he asked, waiting for a response. “i never skip class! you just had to get hurt and make me skip the test review.” he rolled his eyes, but his face softened as he looked at you, still sleeping.

“i’ll help you study. you’ll probably fail without going over what we learned.”

.....

“would you wake up, you shitty woman!” he yelled, gripping the side of your bed “this is scary, you know?”

.....

“i should’ve called you today, i just assumed you’d be too busy to talk. if you told me you were in trouble, i’d blast my ass to wherever you were in a heartbeat.” bakugo said, feeling his actual heart skip a beat when you still didn’t respond. 

“please wake up...”

after about an hour of waiting, your other classmates came in, checking on your condition.

you still hadn’t woken up, but your vitals were better and your breath were more steady.

by the time night fell, everyone left; except for bakugo

he was just starting to fall asleep when he felt she. he heard you stir in the hospital bed.

his head shot up, quickly turning to face you as he saw you blinking you eyes slowly.

“y/n!” he yelled a little louder than anticipated, making you shoot awake and look at him.

you blinked a few more times before realizing who you were looking at. “katsuki!?” you asked, trying to sit up, but feeling a sharp pain in your side.

“hey! don’t move dumbass. are you okay? do you remember anything?” he frantically asked.

“umm...i’m fine?” you said, sounding like you were trying to convince yourself. “why are you here?”

“why am i here? you were admitted into the hospital in critical condition!”

“i-i’m sorry, everything’s a bit fuzzy right now.” you say softly, putting a hand on your forehead and tryin got remember everything.

bakugo softened, and waited until you got yourself together. “how long have you been here?” you ask

“since this morning.”

“this morning!? katsuki what about school? do your parents even know you’re here?”

“why the hell are you worried about me? you’re the one hooked up to all these machines and can barely move!” bakugo yelled, trying to understand why you were so focused on him being there with you.

“i just never thought you’d be the one to go out of your way to check on someone. let alone be here the whole day...” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy at the idea of bakugo keeping your sleeping body company for hours.

bakugo froze at your words.

he really wasn’t the type to go check on people for more than a few minutes. especially not one to skip school because of it.

maybe he did this because he felt a little more than what he thought he did.

maybe this wasn’t a stupid little crush? maybe it was something serious that he had just been blowing off.

when he heard about your condition, he just couldn’t stand by. there must have been something that pushed him to run to you.

“it’s cause u care about you...idiot. i wasn’t gonna a let you suffer here alone.” he huffs, crossing his arms.

“katsukiii do you like me or something?” you asked in a teasing tone

he couldn’t believe you were making jokes at a time like this. furthermore, he couldn’t believe how easy it was for you to see through his facade.

“i do.” he states. there was no point in lying.

“i was just kidding kats-“

“i’m not.” he cuts you off. “i care about you, and i like you. a lot. so...you better like be bad damn it. or i’ll blow you to bits!”

you chuckled and smiled tenderly at him. you definitely weren’t expecting him to say that, but you weren’t complaining.

“i like you too...i guess.” you smile, and katsuki tsked before smirking at you.

he finally felt like he could breath again, and that everything was going to be fine now.

except...katsuki didn’t like you. he loved you. but no way would he tell you that

this absolutely sucks i can’t believe i’m posting this. if you can, plz give me some requests so i don’t make trash hcs like this again. they’ll be a pt.2 later. hopefully it isn’t as bad as this one.

click here to send a request. i’d really appreciate it!

[hazydaaze]

i just read your article about kate and jo and i dont think i couldve put it better myself. ive been thinking it through and honestly come to the conclusion that jed just..isn't that great at writing women (or just somehow forgot for this season bc lindsay denton and even roz huntley were compelling female characters). if you look at every single female character this season, they were all kind of criminally underdeveloped- chloe served as no more than a plot device, as did farida, patty c came in all guns blazing and then..did nothing, and even jo's storyline fizzled out after her interview. kinda seems to me looking back that he often starts semi-emotional plots for kate (which lets be honest has always just been the one note plotline about her husband and son) and then abandons them to focus on some irrelevant aspect of steve's life instead. she arguably had the most interesting emotional storyline this season with her connection to jo, but seems like steve's painkillers were more emotional to jed!

I read this comment aloud to my girlfriend last night and we had a long, really interesting conversation about Jed Mercurio's treatment of female characters :) :) thank you so much for your words!

You are SO right. Jed creates compelling female characters, yet fails to arrest them emotionally in any way, so they float and then eventually sink under another unnecessary and pointless storyline. This happens to basically all of the female characters you mentioned, in some way or another - they just fade into the background. So much wasted potential gone, so under-utilised.

Chloe was an actual WOLF. A pure leader of the pack and a diamond. She was so motivated, so clinical, she always hit the mark and delivered the goods. She could've soared. They brought up this Christopher Thompson case which could've tackled institutionalised racism, and it didn't go anywhere. What was the significance of showing the case, revealing the faces of those 5 white boy thugs, if they were going to drop it straight after? It would’ve been pretty special to see Chloe step up and lead the way on this case, being one of the few black women on the show. She stood in perfect contrast to Steve this season - when he was hitting ignore on his emails from occupational health and looking HAGGARD trying to chat up Steph in Merseyside, Chloe single-handedly cracked a ten-year long case. And yet Jed had the audacity to include a scene of Steve and Kate at the pub clinking their pints like, "well done mate." FOR WHAT? IT WAS ALL CHLOE. YOU DID NOTHING.

Without being too controversial I have always found Steve's character to be overwhelmingly one-dimensional. We never get to see his emotions, really. He is canonically boring. I don't care if he has a bad back - if that is the extent of his storyline (which it basically was) and it doesn't lead to a big reveal in the Fourth Man case, why should I care? The female characters are all like bright spitting fireworks in comparison to him. He needs those jazzy waistcoats to spice him up, and even that doesn't really work. (Sorry to Steve fans.)

I also 100% agree about Farida Jatri. She served as a plot storyline only and then dropped her pronto. It would've been interesting to hear what her thoughts were about getting set up by Jo. What's she going on to do next? What was she referring to when she said 'you don't know what she's capable of?' What about all the other women that work in AC-12?

For queer women particularly, Jed clearly doesn’t know what to do with them. The palpable queer dynamic between Kate and Jo could not have been handled any worse. Not only did he disregard their goodbye + any connection HE HIMSELF had embedded into their storyline in the finale, he also tainted Kate’s character by insinuating that she was capable of manipulating Jo when she was clearly emotionally and physically vulnerable (at risk of being killed), and she was constantly dealing with past trauma. We see Kate act this way with Gates in series 1, but it hits differently this time, given that Jo is the show’s first guest star who is a lesbian, the implications have far more wide reaching impact on our representation - it’s cruel and it was so unnecessary. Honestly what was the point?

The fact that hurts the most about all of this is no one from the Line of Duty cast and crew is talking about why they did this. They don't even realise how wrong it is?

[kkgbutsane]

The First Day of School

It was a dewy morning. Not too hot, not too cold, far too humid. It was the usual for Hyakkou High School, where students came to learn and excel in their studies while maintaining good social relationships. The school was usually filled with many different students. Any stereotype you could think of, Hyakkou had it. 

The students usually had fun. The Principal was quite lax when it came to certain things. All he asked of the students was to respect each other and respect the building. And to keep their grades up of course. They would be failing as a school if the students weren’t receiving the proper education!

And this is where their story begins.

“Ack. Hey! Mary!” Ryota called out from behind the blonde, who was currently looking down on her phone. The boy ran up to his best friend, hooking his arm around the back of her neck to bring her into a headlock. “Hey! Don’t mess up my hair you dork!” Mary growled, trying to wrestle her way out of Ryota’s lock.

The two continued their conundrum until they reached the gates of the school, where Mary finally got a good grip and threw her friend over her shoulder, thus leading to him falling on his backpack. “Ow…,” he muttered, smiling like an idiot.

Mary Saotome and Ryota Suzui had been friends since childhood. They were even neighbors, and she often came over to his house to play on his Wii with him. Their friendship had blossomed into a relationship.

Until they realized they were better off as best friends. In fact, after they had broken up and continued to be platonic, it seemed as though their friendship grew stronger.

“Hi guys!” The two heard a familiar voice, registering it as their other best friend, Yumeko Jabami. Yumeko had met them all in middle school, when she had moved here with her sister. The ravenette was one to take risks, and found pleasure in dangerous things. Of course, only in moderation. In reality, the only things she had taken much risk for was a move in a fighting game. Or a board game.

Her bubbly exterior was often in place of her mellow interior. She tended to keep to herself truly, unless with her friends.

“Yumeko!” Ryota yelled happily, jogging over and scooping the girl in a tight hug. Much to his delight, Yumeko returned the hug tenfold.

“ShiT, I can’t breaTHE-,” he barely managed, his face turning purple. He should have known, the girl was a strong hugger. “Oi, calm down you two, before I separate you guys for 10 minutes straight, and I know that will be a pain since you usually do homework together in the mornings,” Mary stated, crossing her arms. Yumeko finally relented, giving Ryota’s respiratory system some reprieve. Yumeko looked quite meek, but she could give hugs like no other.

“Mary!” Yumeko giggled, giving the blonde another one of her bone crushing hugs. “Sup, dumbass,” Mary replied, smiling softly at her friend’s gestures of affection. “Are you all ready for your first days of school!?” 

It was the start of junior year for the three, and boy were their classes packed. Ryota was taking a few classes on science and health, as well as a gym class to exercise and get fit. He wanted to be a firefighter, and such education was necessary to ensure he was a good candidate for the job.

“I have… Anatomy first period. Woohoo,” Mary sighed. She was actually quite excited, but decided not to show it in order to keep her cool exterior. The path she had chosen was Emergency Medical Services, and taking anatomy was the first step in her opinion.

“Oh? That’s so wonderful! I have Calculus for my first period. I wonder if Sayaka is going to be in that class!” Yumeko said eagerly. Sayaka was one of the other kids attending this school. The girl mainly kept to herself, but she had recently started acquainting herself with the ravenette.

“Gah! Sorry I’m late guys! I kinda missed my bus…” A ginger voice panted, revealed to be none other than Itsuki Sumeragi. The strawberry blonde had met the three last year when she was a sophomore. After transferring from a private school to Hyakkou, the tight-knit group had taken her in, welcoming her as one of their own. “Hey! I heard there’s gonna be a pair of new students! I hear they’re seniors,” Itsuki gossiped, taking out her Nintendo Switch and turning it on.

“Ooh, Smash? Let’s do this!” Ryota declared, taking his controller and setting it to his button map.

“So what about these new students? Do they seem weird or anything?” Mary inquired, picking her character, King K. Rool, and setting her button map. “Oh come on, why do you ALWAYS play heavies!?” Ryota complained, picking Marth as his character. “Because heavies are fucking goated, why else?” the blonde snarked back, a sly smirk on her face.

“I don’t know. But I heard they’re twins!” Itsuki giggled, sitting down to watch them play.

“Heya guys,” a shrill voice came out of nowhere. “You playin’ Smash? I’ll join!” it giggled. Runa had seemingly appeared out of nowhere in her oversized jacket. “Oh no…,” The entire group groaned.

“Runa, you’re cool and all, but whenever we play with you, you find a way to resize our assholes every match in different ways. I really don’t want to get 0-to-deathed consecutively while you stay on three stocks. Seriously, how the fuck do you even do it!?” Mary spoke, seemingly for the entire group. “I dunno, just practice TBH,” was all Runa said, picking up a controller. “And fuck you, I’m playing anyway.” 

The sound of groans could be heard around the courtyard after that statement.

Sayaka Igarashi, resident Valedictorian-to-be, had come over to the table with Midari Ikishima, who was dragging along a seemingly sleepy senior. “C’mon Yuriko. I know you have senioritis but our friends are here!” Midari grumbled, literally dragging Yuriko. Yuriko Nishinotounin had gotten a severe case of Senioritis, especially since most of her classes were a breeze this year. 

“Would you both calm down please!? They’re playing a game, and I’m trying to read!” Sayaka chided, mentally swearing at the rebel. “Chill out, Sayaka, Yuriko is already falling asleep on me and it’s not even 7:30!” Midari grumbled.

“I can’t wait for senior year to be over,” Yuriko yawned, sitting on the table everyone was at basically falling asleep.

“What the fu- NO!” Mary yelled, distracted by Yuriko long enough for Runa to get a move on her, resulting in her virtual demise. “Fuuuuck!” she sighed, hitting her head against the wooden table. “FUCK!” she repeated, after feeling the pain that came along with it. Ryota had already fallen out of the competition.

Please nerf Lucas.

Yumeko hummed happily to herself, reading some random tabloid article on her phone. As the bell rang, they all dispersed into their classes.

“See you guys later!” Ryota called, jogging over to the weight room for his first period.

The three girls had made their way over to the Portables, then separating into their classrooms. 

Sayaka practically dragged her two friends to their classes and then her own, all while keeping to the schedule. Anatomy was her first period, and she sat next to Mary. 

It wouldn’t be too bad of a year. Mary was a good student and wasn’t too hard to talk to. She just mostly liked to keep to herself.

“Good morning class! Welcome to Anatomy! You guys are obviously gonna be learning about the body, it’s functions, what is where and what goes where and woop dee dah, all the good stuff! Hopefully I can make learning about how food passes through the body actually entertaining for y’all, but first we have two new students with us today! They’ve recently transferred over, so let’s give ‘em a warm welcome to Hyakkou!” The teacher, Mrs. Murray, announced. She looked a bit older, with a tall figure and ginger hair in her face. Her glasses looked odd, but it added to her look.

People like Mrs. Murray because she was actually a good teacher. She cared about her students and actually helped them if they needed it.

“Ladies, if you would please introduce yourselves!” 

The entire class looked at the two, and for a moment they thought they saw double.

“Hello. My name is Kirari Momobami. I’m a senior here, and it’s a pleasure to meet you all. I hope we can get along,” The girl, now known as Kirari, had stated.

It seemed her sister’s turn was up next.

“Er.. I’m Ririka Momobami. We’re twins. I hope we can… have a good time!” Ririka muttered, almost too quietly for the class to hear.

Mrs. Murray smiled and beckoned them to take their seats.

Their seats were in front of both Sayaka and Mary, who seemed to be in a state of both ‘gay’ and ‘panic’.

The two twins looked vastly different, with Kirari’s hair done in twin loop braids and dressed in a rather classy manner, while Ririka’s hair was free to fall.

Wait.

Did Ririka have a sweatshirt that had the Poggers Man on it?

Mary internally laughed at that. It was adorable.

When class had dispersed to work in groups, Mary and Sayaka had picked each other on instinct, then looking for two more partners to start their work on.

“Sayaka!” Mary whisper-yelled, a small blush on her face. She then gestured to her phone to text the girl.

Mary S: HOLY SHIT IM GAY

Sayaka I: I am too. Which one are you gay for?

Mary S: Ririka.

Sayaka I: Oh. I like her too.

Mary glared at Sayaka for a moment.

Mary S: The one with the adorable hair and clothing?

The blonde mentally facepalmed, of course Sayaka would think that. No matter the twin.

Sayaka I: Yes. I love how her hair is done. Plus her shirt looks nice.

Mary S: Oh. So the one with the weird braids?

Sayaka I: Don’t call them weird.

Mary S: ok but dont worry cause im crushing on the other twin. I swear her sweatshirt is adorable.

Sayaka I: .

Sayaka I: poggers

Mary S: LMAO HOLD UP IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS ONE

Sayaka I: Be my guest.

The two had reluctantly come up to the twins.

“Hello! I am Sayaka Igarashi, and this is Mary Saotome. It seems you both don’t have another pair, so if you’d like, we can work with you,” Sayaka stated, trying to sound as polite as possible. Nothing could hide the blush on her face though.

“Sure, I would love to work with you both,” Kirari replied, a small smirk forming on her face.

Ririka just nodded with a small smile.

It was going to be a long year.

[aesudan-kholin]

If Kaladin had actually given Elhokar hero lessons, how do you think those sessions would have gone?

so... i made a post recently about how i understand (i know lots of things, but not understand) literally nothing about them whatsoever. so answering this ask isnt going to keep in line with what i usually do of only saying something if im confident in it and reasonably sure it wont change later. AKA me from the future might not agree with what i think and say now. so just putting that out there.

so the thing about this is it probably never could have happened. elhokar was desperate, and in his desperation, whether this idea of kaladin teaching him was something that he had been stewing on for weeks to months, or something he thought of while drunk (i imagine it would be the former, though he probably didn't think about it in specific, accomplishable ways), he finally worked up the courage with the help of some alcohol to ask kaladin to do this completely un fleshed out plan of figuring out how to make elhokar not be a shit king. now, this was doomed to fail for a few reasons.

number one: elhokar had a very very good chance of legitimately being incapable of being a good king.

maybe he could have ended up (with some guidance) as a good leader at some smaller scale, like a small town, but even that is debatable. kaladin instinctively knows things, and while i definitely think he had a negative bias against elhokar and his King Skillz in that moment due their relationship being at a low point, his instinct saying 'yeah thats never gonna happen' was probably completely correct.

number two: kaladin probably would not agree to it.

2a. in that moment where he did ask, kaladin thought he was being weird as hell and was so fucking confused. he didn't know at all where this was coming from, because he is blind to how other people view him a lot of the time, and by extension how elhokar had been idolizing him. they probably hadn't seen much of each other ever since elhokar tried to execute him and throw him in jail. from kaladin's perspective, elhokar tried to kill him, then is coming to him like he has all the secrets to life, which is very baffling to him. unrelated sidenote i need to rewrite this stupid coppermind article on elhokar i did not write it but i want to fix some shit in here. so kaladin in that situation is like WTF????? in his head but out loud he's like 'um.. i dont know if thats possible for you' which is a rejection. i don't know if he would have said the same words if he was at a relative high point in his opinion of elhokar rather than potentially the lowest point that he got in wor that he was in that chapter (thinking about it the chapter where he was in prison might have been the lowest but this is a low point is what im saying), but thats probably an opinion he would have kept throughout the bumpy road of whatever tf their relationship is.

2b. kaladin has shit to do, man. dude was working double triple shifts in words of radiance, got into urithiru and was like the only windrunner, and was training overtime to train some windrunners to have some squires ready for the expedition to kholinar. after he got back he was made a highmarshall and we dont see too much in the ob-row timeskip but he wasnt getting much sleep either, and he probably had a lot of shit to do when he was awake, battles aside. when would he have had the time to even begin to think about lesson plans for this goal that in his head is sort of unachievable, let alone find time for actually talking to elhokar about shit.

so like even if elhokar did ask at a point where kaladin felt less like he was absolute crap and more like [??????? but more positive than the absolute crap thing], kaladin would still have been like dude what. and kaladin also would have been like dude i do not have the time. even in an elhokar lives au (because the first time kaladin would have potentially had any time whatsoever for that is post-kholinar), shallan would probably be the radiant he was interacting more due to lightweaver reasons. and elhokar has a great deal of respect for shallan as well, certainly not as much as he has for kaladin, but he does value shallan's skill and opinion, and shallan would not only be a lot more willing to give elhokar some support and advice, they would be working closer together anyway because of their shared order. he wouldn't be getting this nebulous "secret to life" stuff that he wanted to get from the guy who survived a highstorm, almost single handedly saved an army, beat shardbearers with nothing but a spear, and fell into the chasms only to crawl back out again even after a highstorm, but, and my future self might disagree on this, but he might have just been looking for advice on how to live his life.

but, all of that aside. lets say that kaladin for some reason decided that it was personally important to him to train elhokar to not be a shit leader, that he potentially thought it was not a lost cause, and if he did then he cared enough to try anyway. postponing kholinar (which he would have the power to do in this case, since elhokar would be listening to whatever he said*) might have given him more time for that after that request, or else he might have had to think about it and agree post-kholinar, which would involve an elhokar lives au, which i dont want to deal with all the implications so im going to say in this scenario he accepted after elhokar asked in wor 80, or maybe directly after urithiru was discovered (aka later that night) with a promise to start teaching him right after he got back from hearthstone. god i feel like alternate history hub. the later that night thing would have been more likely because that is after his whole 180 about elhokar. that way, the weird intense commitment to help elhokar be a better leader was baked in to all the other weird dramatic shifts about how he thought about elhokar.

what i think kaladin would do?

possibility 1: he would have elhokar start small. i think he would have elhokar teach a single person to do something. he would get a new recruit, and tell elhokar to teach him to be a soldier. maybe the new recruit is one of lopens cousins who saw elhokar blackout drunk and being pushed around by lopens mom to eat his food, so he's not intimidated by him. the new guy not being intimidated is key, because he can't just do what elhokar says because he's the king. after the day, kaladin talks to the new recruit then elhokar, seeing what went right and wrong, then tells elhokar what changes to make. if somehow everything went right with that, kaladin would next give him a group of 5 to lead in some way, and if that worked, a group of 50.

possibility 2: a job shadow. either kaladin job shadowing elhokar, watching all his fuck ups happen in real time, and constantly whispering advice which is offputting to the people elhokar is meeting with but its funny. the issue here comes with kaladin not knowing a lot of political theory. as good of a leader as kaladin is (which is insanely), elhokar is more well versed in political theory (as an example think of the time kaladin was like 'why is beating sadeas in a duel going to wreck him its literally just a duel' there would be a lot of situations in elhokar's work as a king that kaladin would probably be similarly confused on), even if he doesn't apply it well. either that, or elhokar job shadowing kaladin, watching kaladin train the windrunners, and breaking to explain some things to elhokar every once in a while, which elhokar would theoretically learn from. the issue here of course comes with how both of these guys both have sort of incredibly important jobs that they could probably only carve out a few hours at most for something like that. unless elhokar abdicated.

abdication.... no i shouldn't go into all of this this should be a separate 2000 word post. but abdication could come into play and is related to that *asterisk earlier.

i can not think of a third possibility, although there probably is one. i would think that possibility 1 would be more likely in my opinion.

some meme possibilities i came up with:

- kaladin lets elhokar borrow syl and elhokar wears a hat and syl is in the hat pulling bits of his hair like ratatouille and basically operating elhokar and she makes him be an ideal windrunner whenever she feels like he's fucking up

- kaladin presides over the document signing meetings and whenever elhokar is about to sign a document he thinks isn't good he slaps the pen out of his hand and has a disapproving glare. elhokar has to do the walk of shame across the room to get the pen everytime this happens

- training montage with "Gonna Fly Now" in the background where there is no dialogue and it just shows elhokar visibly failing and he tries to lift a rock with a piece of paper on it that says "kingly responsibility" and fails and kaladin shakes his head, then there's a training montage of idk him learning the spear or training other bridgemen or other kaladin-y things and wearing a bandana for no reason then by the end of the montage he successfully lifts the kingly responsibility rock

- they just completely switch jobs for a while while elhokar gets his shit together. all hail king kaladin

(+ my first thoughts)

[igotyouniverse]

Breathe Me - Chapter 1 [nct vamp au]

Description: After dropping out of college and coming home for the first time in two years, 22-year-old Ava Lee gets caught up in a mystery surrounding the people she thought she knew for so long. Between friendship, affairs and true love the young women finds herself being pulled into a  nightmare she would never wake up from.

Pairing: Oc x Taeyong , Oc x Johnny [several side-pairing involving Mark, Ten, Lucas and Jaehyun.]

Included Members: Taeyong, Johnny, Mark, Lucas, Ten, Jaehyun, Doyoung, Haechan (maybe more)

Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst, Action, Fantasy

Warnings: none (this chapter)

suggestive content, strong language, violence, blood, death. probably more, not sure yet (later chapters)

a/n: Here it comes! After years of procrestination I finally managed to write the very first (very boring) chapter of my vampire au with nct! Anyway, the main drama will start in the next chapter so stay patient and bear this one with me. It took me long enough, haha. All the warnings will be for later chapters so don't start reading if u dont feel like reading stuff like that qq If someone wants to get tagged please send me a message, ask, comment or whatever qq

I really hope you guys enjoy it, it was a very heavy birth. ♥

ch.2 || ch. 3

                                                   †

The girl sighed deeply and took a look outside the small airplane window. She saw how the plane slowly drove into the prepared parking lot and felt how her level of anxiety rose with each second. Even though the flight was 18 hours long and her legs started to hurt she didn't want to stand up. Standing up meant for her to actually leave the plane, get her luggage and meet her family which would sooner or later lead to them asking all these questions. It wasn't like she didn't miss them.

She missed them very dearly. She missed the Sunday morning brunches with her neighbours, the movie nights where her dad would always pick out a movie because he'd pout if not, she even missed  her little brother Mark bursting into her room without knocking and asking her some totally stupid questions. She missed catching up with her best friend. She missed all these sleepovers when all they had to worry about was who the cutest boy at school was and what they'll do together once they were adults. She craved for all these past memories. The last time she set foot onto this ground was two years ago at her very first spring break after leaving home, moving to a town thousand of miles away, not knowing anyone.

She heard a beeping noise which indicated that the passengers could stand up and get out but she waited. All of them seemed in such a hurry to leave the plane, grabbing their belongings, everyone trying to get out first which ended in a crowded queue inside of the plane. She stretched her legs as much as possible, not making the slightest move to stand up.

Her eyes wandered back to the window, allowing her to take a glance at the sky, she wished to be into again. It was still quite bright outside, even though it was nearly evening, the sun nearly blinding her when she looked up, leading her to cover her eyes with her hand. The sunsets were so different in the States than here, in South Korea. Her eyes tried to focus on the slowly fading sun, leaving the sky in beautiful pinks and oranges with just a hint of soft white clouds.

Her mind started to spin, thinking about all the things she had to explain to her family sooner or later. But for now she needed to stay positive and hide the fact that she – the oh-so-perfect – student managed to drop out of a university, her parents nearly went insolvent to pay for to allow their daughter to get the best medical education they could think of. At the beginning the girl actually thought that it was her biggest dream to become a famous surgeon but after a short while she had to face the ugly truth that the job she so desperately wanted to do as long as she could remember just wasn't her thing.

She tried so badly to keep on and thought that it's just a phase every young adult went through when they started university but every time she talked to her friends at university she saw that that wasn't exactly the case. Everyone was so focused and motivated to become a successful doctor or surgeon they underwent the torture of endless sleepless nights, insane pressure and the feeling of not being able to even cut an onion correctly, which the professor didn't even care to make better. Every day she got told that she would never be able to work in the medical field and could try herself with some more basic and easy studies. It didn't matter how hard she tried to remember all the lectures and do her assignments – she failed miserably at everything.

Of course, her family didn't know. She was way too afraid to burst the bubble her parents created around her, leaving her in that perfect, white spotlight, portraying her like some sort of angel on a pedestal for everyone to see. They loved to talk about her in front of everyone, telling them that she'd be a successful surgeon, working hard and publishing groundbreaking articles, making herself a name in the medical community. Maybe even getting some famous award. Everyone in that small town knew about the smart daughter who got into one of the best medical universities in the United States, who worked so hard she was barely home.

She couldn't bear to see the disappointment on their faces once they see what she really was – a failure. She managed to hide her dropping out of university so well, she created her web of lies carefully over the last year, she sometimes even believed what she was saying. But as soon as her alarm clock went off, remembering her to go to work at a small corner café to pay her rent and even save some money in case her parents might throw her out, she had to face real life again. The life in which she dropped out only one year after starting, loosing hundreds of thousands of dollars and leaving the incident in her resume forever.

She was glad she got a job in the café as it belonged to the parents of one friend she met at college, who managed to get in because of a scholarship. They allowed her to work as much as she could to save money and even helped her sometimes.

“Excuse me, Miss?”, a soft and gentle voice made the girl leave her deep thoughts and look up. A beautiful, young flight attendant smiled down at her. “You need to leave the plane, please.”, she said in sweet yet demanding voice  and got her luggage out of the cabinet above for her. The girl didn't realise that the plane was already as good as empty. She thanked the attendant, grabbed her bag and went out of the plane into the airport, feeling her legs shaking more with each step she took.

She pulled out her smartphone, turning off flight mode only to get bombarded with dozens of messages, mostly from her mom asking if she already landed and that they waited for her at the gate. After that she only texted emojis. Hearts, heart-eyes and some other stuff which made her feel even more anxious. How could she disappoint a mother as proud as her? No, she needed to keep her secret for a bit longer. Maybe until her brother messed up. But what could he possibly mess up which would overshadow her dropping out of college? Maybe if he committed a crime.

Mark was different from her, She didn't know how but he actually managed to tell their parents that he doesn't want to become a doctor or lawyer, and instead insisted of becoming an author or journalist. To say her parents were unhappy would be an understatement. They were more than angry and told him to pay the tuition himself. They believed it was just a small teenage dream he had but when he finished High School and started working at the local bookstore to save some money to actually study creative writing they realized that he was serious. That small incident happened just 14 months ago, yet he continued to work there and save up. He even managed to visit her every couple of months, as she didn't want to come.

When she arrived at the luggage claim the suitcases were already out on the baggage belt and she waited as long as she could, watching her lonely suitcase making its turns on the device, purposely ignoring it until it was the only one left and she had to grab it. Her phone vibrated in her pocket again.

Mark [06.07pm]: Where r u?

She rolled her eyes and just put it back in the pocket of her jeans as she headed towards the exit. The girl took a deep breath, putting on the brightest smile she could manage and stepped out of the doors. Her family wasn't hard to notice. Her parents held a way too big and bright  banner in their hands

WELCOME HOME AVA

Ava tried to keep her smile up and waved at them. “Oh, honey welcome home!”, her mother shouted as she lowered the banner to hug her daughter tightly. “I'm so happy you're finally home again, our doctor!.”, she said and patted her back softly. She felt her dad joining the hug and giving her a warm smile as well, joining her mother in telling her how happy he was to have her back home. Ava clenched her jaw, trying to smile as honest as possible.

“You're really squishing me to death guys.”, Ava chuckled and was glad when her parents finally let go of her. She looked up and saw her brother Mark smiling at her.

“Come on, give your favourite sister a hug.”, the girl laughed, making her brother chuckle before embracing her in a loving hug as well. The last time she saw him he visited the campus a few months ago. Of course he didn't know she dropped out then and nearly choked on his water when she told him. She knew he wouldn't tell their parents but he thought it would be better if she told their parents as soon as possible, which she didn't of course.

“Happy to have you back.”, Mark said and squeezed his sister one more time before he let her go and took her suitcase.

Ava stretched her body slowly before getting into their car, really not wanting to sit down for another hour but apparently she had to. As soon as she sat down and put on her seat belt her mother turned around to look at her and smiled.

“Tell us, honey, how is Stanford? Is it going well, yes?”, she asked and Ava felt like she needed to throw up.

“Yeah, everything is fine. I handed in all assignments last week and I have a good feeling.”, she chuckled and felt guilt crawling all over her body. She smiled slightly and turned her eyes away to avoid her mother proud gaze, yet she could feel Mark eyeing her.

“Ah, that's so great, honey. Your father and I just talked to the Lee's from across the street and they told us their son wants to apply to Stanford, too. We told them you could talk to him and give some advice.”

“Sure.”, she just sighed and pulled out her phone again, hoping her mother would understand her silent plead to leave her be. Her mother smiled again and turned back to talk to her father about what she'd make for dinner on this special occasion.

Ava checked the other texts she got, scrolling through them. She smiled when she saw a text from her best friend, sending her a picture from her in her nurse uniform. She looked so cute, proudly standing in front of the mirror in the dressing room, posing with a finger heart.

[Ava 06.54pm] Cute! Just landed, on my way home. Wanna hang out later?

[Yunmi 06.57pm] Can't. Night shift today but pick me up tomorrow morning and get breakfast? The café next to the bookstore finally opened!

[Ava 07.00pm] absolutely! Can't wait. Miss you so much ♥

She scrolled through the remaining texts just to feel a little disappointment in her body after not seeing what she so desperately wanted to see. But then again, she didn't expect to see a text from him after he ignored each and everyone of hers the last two years. He didn't even care enough to wish her a happy birthday in November so he probably couldn't care less texting her when she came home.

She sighed lightly and looked outside the car window, seeing how the landscape came and go in front of her eyes and how the sky got all these beautiful colours in it, she could even see the moon already. A wave of tiredness crashed over her exhausted body as she decided to close her eyes for just  a moment.

The girl felt someone poking her arm multiple times, calling her name.

“Wake up, we're home.”, she heard Mark say and groaned, before rubbing her eyes.

“Yes, I'm awake, you can stop poking me.”, she said when her brother continued to poke her arm with a grin on his face.

“Don't make me hit you.”, she warned and slapped his hand away.

“Pff, please.” he answered mockingly and jumped out of the car before her fist could reached his body.

Ava chuckled , getting out of the car stretching her stiff body slowly, hearing all her joints crack at once.

“How old are you? 80?” Mark said teasingly, getting out her suitcase from the trunk.

“Trust me, I feel like it.”, she yawned loudly and slowly got up the stairs to their house.

She inhaled the sweet and calming scent of her mothers vanilla candles as soon as she set foot into the house, taking of her shoes before she walked further inside. It hasn't changed a bit. The beige coloured walls still had pictures of the family on them. Ava smiled and looked at the picture of her and her family from her Highschool graduation three years ago. She smiled when she saw the exact picture her parents had chosen. Mark and her making some weird pose while her parents rolled their eyes.

“Honey, dinner will be ready in half-an-hour, okay?” she didn't realize that her mother was standing right next to her and flinched a bit.

“Yeah, sure, thank you, mom. I'll start to unpack then. Love you.”, Ava said, kissing her mothers cheek softly before going up the stairs into her old room where Mark already put her suitcase and bag.

Her room hasn't changed either. Of course, it looked a bit colder as she took all her personal stuff with her to the US when she moved out, but it still felt comfy with it's cozy beige sofa and her queen sized bed, which her mother already prepared for her. She closed the door behind her and looked outside the big windows, which connected to a small balcony, which was only hers. She remembered how mad Mark was when she got the room with the balcony and not him and grinned. She stepped outside for a moment to breathe in the still warm air, listening to the rustling sound of the trees as a mild breeze blew through them.

The small wooden bench she made herself with her dad back when she was younger still stood in the very same corner and even had pillows on it and a blanket, indicating that someone still used it even while she was gone. Probably her mother when she wanted to have some time and space for herself, she thought and smiled before going back into her room.

She stretched her stiff body once again before squatting down and opening her black suitcase to unpack her things. Ava only brought some clothes and other necessities with her as she didn't believe of staying home for a longer period of time. She rented her tiny apartment, or as she preferred to call it, her shoebox to a friend from university who looked for her own place as long as she stayed with her parents so she didn't need to worry about paying rent. So she just packed her essentials and hoped to keep her pretty little lie for some more months to figure out what she actually wanted to do with her situation now. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to stay in Stanford . She just knew, she didn't want to stay here in this tiny town where everyone knows everyone.

She loved the size of New York, she loved the vibes, the people and even the stink it had. It was charming in some kind of way and she enjoyed the anonymity she had. She liked living in the famous city which never sleeps but it didn't feel like a complete home to her yet and maybe never would. Not to mention, that she was just working in a café which was barely enough to live so she needed to get something more permanent very soon. But she had no idea what that could be. Maybe she'd apply to another university, maybe she didn't want to go to college at all. But what were her options anyway?

Ava groaned, throwing a stack of clothes into her closet in frustration, before squatting down again to fold them neatly. She felt her phone vibrating in the pocket of her jeans and sighed when she saw the name of the person who messaged her blinking in front of her. She opened it and thought about her answer for several minutes before she decided to ignore it for the moment and maybe get back to it later, unsure about her wanting to meet the sender or not.

She furrowed her eyes as she looked at the clock hanging at one of her walls, showing that it was way later than she expected and her mother still hadn't called for dinner yet. She put the last of her belongings in the connected bathroom she shared with her brother and checked her phone to make sure she didn't receive a text from him telling her dinner is ready. Ava didn't realize how hungry she was until she thought about the dishes her mother was probably busy making and her mouth started to water. She really missed good Korean food. There were quite some Korean restaurants in New York but of course nothing tasted as good as her mother's home cooked meals.

Just as she wanted to open her door and check downstairs she heard her mother shout from the kitchen that dinner was finally ready. She opened her door and could already smell the kimchi and meat her mother apparently made and couldn't wait to finally taste it.

“Coming! I'm getting Mark”, Ava shouted back and wanted to knock on Marks door, telling him to come down but the boy who opened the door wasn't her brother.

“Oh, hey Ava. Haven't seen you in forever. How are you?”, Johnny asked, seemingly surprised but a small smile appeared on his pretty face.

He hasn't changed a tiny bit. He still looked as gorgeous as three years ago when she left and never heard of him again. His hair was still black but a tad longer than before. It framed the contours of his face just perfectly which made it hard for her to look away and think about how she was mad at him for ignoring her for the past years, even though the last thing she remembered with him was actually something very nice. Or that's at least what she thought it was. Apparently he thought differently and had to treat her like air. Not even daring to step a foot in their house when she came home for spring break once.

“Umm, fine. Are you staying for dinner?”, she asked, trying to sound as calm as possible but she couldn't hide a tint of anger in her voice, yet the anger mixed up with other feelings she was way too bad at hiding.

“Yeah, I invited him. He basically lives here anyway.”, she heard Mark say behind Johnny who didn't seem to sense her displeasure over his invitation. Why do they have to be best friends? She asked herself and secretly hoped for Johnny to disappear or something. But of course that wouldnÄt happen.

“Please, the food gets cold, come down.”, she heard her mother saying from the foot of the stairs with her hands stemmed in her hips, still wearing her red-dotted apron.

“Actually, I'm not hungry.”, Ava said taking a step away from Johnny as his simple presence made her legs feel stupidly weak.

Her statement got quite unbelievable when her stomach started to growl from the heavenly scent of her mother's food.

“Doesn't sound like it.”, Mark said and raised his brow looking at his sister questionably.

“I'm really not hungry and I'm meeting a friend. Can we postpone our family dinner to another time?”, she said while purposely emphasising the term family to show her displeasure about the clearly unwanted guest guest.

Before her mother could answer something Ava ran down the stairs, giving her mother another short kiss before running outside, leaving her house behind.

She took a deep breath before letting out some vulgar curses towards the situation and especially the person causing her to still feel all these things.

Ava pulled out her phone and messaged the only person she could think of, who might get her thoughts somewhere else, even if she might regret it in the morning.

masterlist

[tf2hcs]

can i get uhhhhhhh.. trans merc head canons?? maybe found family?? thanks!

you can DEFINITELY get trans merc headcanons. comin up hot. i have so many headcanons pertaining to the mercs being trans that i can’t fit them into one post, so i’m just gonna do stuff related to transitioning here, and if you wanna hear about how i think they realized they’re trans or came out, ill do a post about that too

Soldier:

you know how cis people think that you have dysphoria ur whole life and then you get The Surgery (The Surgery) and it all goes away that very day? and that’s just. it? solider is the only person on earth for whom that holds true

he has rod-insert phalloplasty and double incision top surgery

Jane Doe is actually his real birth name, it doesn’t give him dysphoria so he just kept it

his phalloplasty used his arm as the donor site, so he’s got a patch of pinkish skin on his left arm

he transitioned pretty early on, maybe in his early twenties. he’s known he’s trans since he was a kid

shaving gives him INTENSE gender euphoria

Scout:

he just went on T and boy is he excited

he runs in his binder (dumb) and frequently binds with bandages (dumb), so he has at least one deformed rib. twinsies 

like as SOON as he finds out medic is trans he asks for top surgery & gets it. he gets periareolar top surgery

when medic explains to him that periareolar top surgery keeps nipple sensation intact but double incision doesn’t he immediately starts calling the other mercs “numb-nips”

“it’s my shot day someone come stab me in the așs”

he didn’t choose his own name, his mom chose it for him when he came out. if he chose it it would’ve CLEARLY been tommy, as a tribute to tom jones

Medic:

double incision top surgery

i know this is wildly unrealistic but it’s tf2 so i will claim it. medic gave himself top surgery and instead of giving himself nipple grafts he just like, carved a smiley face and star of david on there

he knows the most about trans health and history out of all the mercs (partially because he’s old, partially because he’s a doctor, partially because he’s more involved in the community than the others)

because of this the other mercs come to him for help with trans issues a lot

he wants to have a baby biologically SO bad. so so bad. i think i get this headcanon from how lovingly he holds that baboon baby in the comics

he works really hard to preserve his fertility throughout his transition and as he gets older. he doesn’t end up being able to have a baby until he’s in his 50s but he’s so happy when he does

i could go off about my dad medic headcanons for hours but ill save that for another post if u guys request

Demo:

double incision top surgery for this guy too

talks about being trans all the time (every time i watch meet the demo and he says “i got a manky eye, i’m a black scottish cyclops” i mentally add transgender to the list)

constantly jokes about how he “blew it off” (you know what “it” is)

he has relatively bad dysphoria his entire life, but being open about it really helps

he doesn’t even know soldier is trans until he asks about the skin graft on his arm. he sees him use his rod implant and he just accepts that that’s how penises work

you know how being skilled with explosives runs in the degroot family?? my personal headcanon is that transness is also genetic to the degroots. both of demo’s parents were trans. ill talk about this more in another post if u guys want

Heavy:

no top surgery, his chest is a little large compared to a cis guy’s but his overall size makes it look more normal

if he ever does get top surgery, though, he gets inverted T/anchor incision

he has PCOS. he got a hysterectomy when medic was rooting around in there for the first time and noticed the cysts (”there will be so much more room in here once we get rid of your uterus!!” “room for what?” “…oh, you know”)

i think he might get full meta?? (as in metoidioplasty) i cant decide if he’d want a vaginectomy though. help me decide

Spy:

double incision top surgery. he paid top dollar for it, it’s very nicely done

he refers to his top surgery as a “mastectomy” (which is the correct term but like, who says that)

he gave birth to scout. he was pregnant when he met scout’s mom, and after he gave birth to scout he ended up leaving him with her. i cant decide if it was more of a “can you please take my baby” situation or a “im going to the store to get milk” situation. either way though i don’t think scout’s mom would’ve objected to keeping him, he was an adorable baby

he owns so many packers. he gets them custom made. he has them displayed in his closet like designer wigs

Sniper:

no surgery at all! he never plans on getting it either. that’s why he has the vest

his chest is like, small and somewhat muscular. you guys have seen skinny trans men with muscle tîtty before i don’t have to explain this to you

actually i want you to take this discord screenshot. i said this last thursday

he’s one of the most obviously trans mercs because he just insists on dressing like he based his outfit off the wikihow article for how to pass as male

i can say a lot more about my trans hcs for sniper in another post but im trying to keep this one at a readable length (failed step one)

Engineer:

no top surgery!

i think he has simple meta or maybe full meta without a vaginectomy (*epic rap battles of history voice* you decide)

he transitioned much later in life than the other mercs, his transition only actually started like five years ago

Pyro:

they’re agender!!

AFAB with no surgery or HRT

they use they/them pronouns or alternating he/she (”he’s not here, is she?”)

there’s not much to say about pyro’s gender! they just don’t have one

OH HOLY SHIT DO THE MERCS THROW THEM A GENDER REVEAL PARTY

ASKFLDLJSDKFLJDSFLKSDJFDLSKFJLSK

BONUS

Miss Pauling:

you know how when some trans women start hrt, they get really bad cravings for pickles? miss p has that like hell

she eats a hot pickle in her car every single day. it gets to the point where the people who work the graveyard shift at mcdonalds remember her (she has a habit of ordering “a fry container full of pickle slices”)

she takes estrogen but she doesn’t have any surgery! i dont think she ever gets any

scout very nervously explains to her that he’s trans at one point and all she can do is blink and say “did you think i was cis”

thank you for taking this journey with me. now imagine how long this list would’ve been if i didn’t narrow it down

[theopinionoftheredheads]

We knew about the Scotland photos and lily being there AGAIN Chris was not with her...everyone move on. He was there for work...his hotel was literally shut down during his stay for filming. What does that tell you

Everything is up in the air for this CE and LJ stunt. I think they are dating. Its just my opinion. I think CE went their to meet up with her which was a stupid move. CE talks a big game about politics and philosophy but honestly that man has no common sense! *************** We knew about the Scotland photos and lily being there AGAIN Chris was not with her...everyone move on. He was there for work...his hotel was literally shut down during his stay for filming. What does that tell you *************** on the topic of chris announcing he was single, dont you think he just said that so fans would not pry into his personal life. like i dont care if he and lily are dating but isn’t it a possibility he just said that until he and lily are ready to confirm it (assuming they are more than friends). they could be dating but not officially a couple & that would make him single still *************** I don’t know what to think of this LJ and CE thing that’s happening anymore. Are they actually dating and a real couple or was everything they did for PR? But why was the hotel following both LJ and CE? And CE just liked a pic that LJ posted on ig. Was that to draw attention to both of them again? But why would he need to like that pic if people already knew he was in London with her supposedly. Was that like a confirmation that they are dating? I’m so confused... hope this makes sense! *************** Chris and Lily left the hotel to travel to scotland with Lily's friends Dom and Gemma Chris also followed Dom that weekend on IG. *************** After all this trolls today, I'm very excited about what's happening next and if someone was right 🤣 I just binged Young Sheldon. But I wait for a new criminal TV show as all of my favorites were completed or stopped. *************** Lily's just added to her stories in IG haven't a clue what it's about *************** Just saying but is it just me or anybody else too think that CE and LJ met through Douglas Booth and Bel powley . Remember Chris was in a cab with BP and DB last year on fourth of July. And Douglas and Lily are good friends and Chris is too friends with Douglas and also worked together with Bel. And when he was in London he followed Bel , Douglas and Gemma on Insta. *************** No! The Pursuit of Love hasn’t been filmed in Ireland and,for what we know, it will not be filming there. The locations are Bristol and Badminton *************** Ok I'm curious now. What were the titles of the embargoed pics? I would have looked through them myself but have no desire to see those obviously posed pics again. *************** yesterday an anon wrote "Now that this hotel anon said they were together in the hotel, went away a weekend and then came back to the hotel" Could you explain what the hotel anon said, and when this happened? Thanks in advance *************** Dear anon that constantly ships CE and LJ: LJ posted a story from her bathtub drinking wine. Let’s NOT think, they are in the tub together drinking wine please. Let’s also NOT analyze the bathroom faucets. Let’s also NOT think she is in Boston with CE please!!!! *************** Daily Mail writes an article every time LJ posts a new picture on IG. And since July, they always mention Chris in those articles even though the pics posted have no connection to him! I wonder if her team is commissioning these articles or if it's all solely Daily Fail's doing to get clicks. *************** I know LJ fans following this blog so maybe they can answer this: why Lily post pictures on her instagram stories and then delete them after couple minutes after? Attention seeker? *************** Is anyone going to be shocked if lily was seen with Matt or something else who not chris if that happens I will die of laughter if that ever happen *************** That DM article was so irrelevant! What was the point of that article? What a waste of time! *************** "LJ is ridiculous, just my opinion (and it hasn't to do with drugs" SAME ☝️ *************** Sorry, but back to the topic of LJ&CE..Can't believe that his arrival at the place near she is being filmed is a coincidence! Why are they so hidden now, if two months ago, on the contrary, they did everything to be noticed? Also note her recent stories (song called "miss you"). Is this such a well-thought-out PR move? Who could have predicted in advance that fans would find his exact location just by looking at the wall from the ASP video? It's hard to accept, but they're probably just a couple *************** Chris probably associates PR with the name Lily by now. Also isn’t Chris usually silent when he has nothing coming up, maybe will see soon to get the hype for his next interviews. And I mean like a selfie or a something like that. *************** I still think you can interpret everything as you want to 😂 especially shippers and non shippers find a way to interpret the same thing as something totally different. Maybe LJ sents hints, but maybe she just posts sth she wants to. Miss you? Maybe she misses CE? Maybe MS? Maybe her mother? Maybe her granny? If the recent DM article and the picture was about the death of her father, maybe she just misses him???? Who knows? There are a million options. Same with any follows and likes. *************** “I don’t think CE is someone who wants privacy. He says that shit but I don’t believe it anymore.” My response to the anon: Clearly LJ isn’t one of them!!!! BBBBBUUUUURRRRRNNNNNN!!!!!🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 *************** CE could be protecting LJ with that I’m single comment, in my dreams!!! If he wanted to protect they wouldn’t have done those pap walk to begin with! That was a hook up that got caught! *************** It’s been like what 3 months maybe 4 months since the paparazzi walk and still then we haven’t gotten anything especially the second time chris was in the UK we got nothing also this whole following situation it’s just what it is a following nothing important about it also what makes me made is when people think Chris lying about saying he single like Chris volunteer himself to say he single nobody told him and Bill Maher never mention it either all this lily and Chris shit is still nothing *************** Chris isn’t going to follow his friends private page for fans can go crazy and start following them he not that stupid ALSO he if he didn’t follow lily private page when she follow them months ago he won’t follow her back ***************

Since Lily is such a well loved topic on this blog, here is another post dedicated to her. 

Do we have any updates on her and Chris? NO

Do we think they are sending us secret messages? NO

Do we think she is relevant? NO 

Are we still going to answer every ask about her? Probably not. This is a blog mainly dedicated to Chris. Since we don’t see any relevant connections between them since the previous month, we would appreciate not getting our inbox full of asks about her. Thank you in advance. 

Red & Ginger 

[twiddlebirdlet]

Inbox Collective Part I

Anonymous said: People are saying we should be happy because Chris looks happy. Looking happy and actually being happy are two different things. Yeah, he’s smiling in those pics but IS he happy? That’s the most important question. He said once before he’s a terrible liar and while I do believe he may have tells, he’s a talented actor, which means he I’m sure he can fake it good enough when be needs to. This is the same man who hid his face while out his fam at Disney now he’s facing the camera? 💁🏾‍♀️ LOL

Anonymous said: I hope whatever Chris is getting out of this arrangement is worth it because he looks like a joke now

Anonymous said: Here’s the thing, I wouldn’t actually mind if they were real. I’d support it and think it’s cute. But everything they’re doing looks fake and staged to the max. You never know, they could be Ben/Ana or Shawn/Camila 2.0 where it seemed fake, but turned out to be real, or Tom Hiddleston/Taylor Swift where it was clearly PR. Only time will tell. However, I do think it’s ironic that Tom/Taylor happened around the time Tom was nominated for a Globe, and won. Chris’ team def wants that Emmy nod.

Anonymous said: JS said in Vulture that he is extremely a private person and here he is doing poses for the paps in the middle of a pandemic lol. I thought MK was the girl who will call paps on them I guess here is Lily lol.

Anonymous said: Niall Horan said if you dont want to be papped you will not be papped. This photo reeks PR stunt. Taylor and Tom already did this back then when he is about to be nominated in emmys 🤣 I guess this one is way worse than Minka.

Anonymous said: you saw video 🤣 !! Backgrid said it was yesterday July 7, not today 😂🤣 DailyM they you left so bad as always 🤣 and they killed your article love in the park with the video 🤣🤣😂

Anonymous said: Srsly. They shouldve brought in the professionals to handle this. Did a table read. "Block the shot (set up up their positions, actions, etc)" at the hotel. Fincher, DuVernay, Joon-hoo. Or maybe Apatow since this and his life is a "big dumb comedy." His words. 😉

Anonymous said: For his next pap walk, I would suggest him making some training and some chemistry test before. Just the looks of him and the actress can sell the stuff for the public (who will not give a second thought after seeing that) but the older stans that will follow him through the years, will see through it quickly.

Anonymous said: Never thought we would reach another low level after JS.

Anonymous said: The fucker always walks like that when he knows he’s being watched. I can’t deal hahahah SO PR 🤣😂

Anonymous said: I could've lived without the video. It was bizarre. The ice cream eating was aggressive lol😂. Idc what anyone says they aren't comfortable around each other. She actively swung out of the way to avoid touching him while walking. They should've built up reporrt before public outings. But I guess Chris' time is limited like they bought his time along with the daily mail package. I feel like this is going to be very t swift hiddleston. He won't ever live it down and when asked insist it was real.

Anonymous said: I wonder how hard they’ll try to sell this crap in the coming weeks/months when it’s obvious that they’re trying so hard right now that they’re massively failing lol

Anonymous said: I kinda got a feeling after Saturdays pap stroll things fell through and after getting dragged for not wearing masks, and that this is damage control and he’s just not that into her. Especially with the watermelon thing paired with the weird body language. Like it seems so, odd.

Anonymous said: To the other anon questioning watermelon talking: Acting is actually quite ridiculous. If you saw hot things look on set, you would not be in awe. Everything is exaggerated and fake. It all comes together in editing. Most of the big actors I’ve seen on set often look quite silly in the moment.

Anonymous said: Biiiitch can you imagine? Lily: *licks ice cream* Hey Chris, watermelon. Chris: *licks ice cream* Haha, watermelon. Anyway all this just truly gets me thinking about if he does one day end up with a girlfriend and keeps it on the down low, is he willing to continue these types of publicity stunts. He has said in interviews that he wants to settle down and have kids but I think if that was something he truly wanted he could find it. I don’t think he’s ready to give up the Hollywood game just yet

Anonymous said: to the anon who said they would find chris and lily saying random words silly- they could be talking about how stupid the fans who buy this are and how many "cute couple"s and" they're adorable together"s they're gonna get after this cringe fest. or maybe she told him how she'd staged this to get rid of the "lily james snorting powder in a park" images that come up first on google search and she's happy he agreed 😏 for whatever reason none of us knows (yet)

Anonymous said: So they not even have a real conversation? Whoa 😲 this show getting worse every minute

Anonymous said: (Diff anon, I’ll use 🔅 as my marker for when I send in) As an actress upcoming in the industry watermelon talking is probs the first thing you learn in scene work if you’re a backdrop/extra/filler. This looks extremely staged and I’ve had training for dealing with paps/how to look and act when paps are around. Also notice how they’re “faced out”. If you’re an actor you know how to face your body outwards towards “the crowd” to get a good shot. They’re sitting to get perfectly photographed.

Anonymous said: I'm pretty sure I read on here or maybe elsewhere "We're not going to find out who his future girlfriend is based on who he follows on Twitter." Well technically I guess that's true :D Also we were dismissive of any chance of him and that athlete because she lives in Canada, and yet he was willing to go to the UK.

Anonymous said: They look like two people who are trying to ACT like they don’t want to be noticed and be all nonchalant but in fact they know the whole purpose of being there is to be noticed. It’s an act, pure and simple.

Anonymous said: The way they are eating their ice cream in saying one word between two licks is so weird! One strick tongue, one word, one strick tongue, one word. First time i see people eat like that. In a normal universe you talk and time to time you eat. You make break between. And are eating them so quickly. And Chris doesn't see to be the kind of man who lay down the grass like that. They are a big joke.

hagarsays said: But also we don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes maybe there is something going on between them we don’t know but saying this whole thing is stage well maybe it is but also what happen if they are dating and they are making it official now I’m not trying to start a fight or anything this is just what o think

Anonymous said: I'm feeling second hand embarrassment from all of this. Even if it seems it's working for his mentions on twitter.

Anonymous said: Me on Monday: Chris, where is 😷; me on wedneday afternoon: Chris, what 😯🤔🙄; me on wednesday night: oh, Chris 😂🤣🙈🤦‍♀️

Anonymous said: Maybe this whole things is the "work" he traveled across the ocean for…

Anonymous said: This is hiddleswift 2.0 😂

Anonymous said: Two PROFESSIONAL actors can’t fake one date. He really think he will be nominated for Emmy? Go back to Concord Youth theatre and learn some lessons how to look like you on a real date.

Anonymous said: For me what sold this as a PR move (no matter whether they get romantically involved with each other for real or not) is not just the fact of the timely pics and vid from BackGrid but usually when celebrities are "unknowingly"/ "unexpectedly" papped almost immediately you find fan pics of their sightings all over the place. But that's not on their case.

Anonymous said: I’m imagining a Ben and Ana situation where we get pap pics of Chris and Lily in Boston and Chris’s niece and nephews are running around with a Lily James cutout 🤣

Anonymous said: celebrities as big as chris and lily have incredibly talented teams... youre telling me BOTH TEAMS were unable to properly hide them from the paparazzi??? nah, they definitely wanted to be seen.

Anonymous said: That video has my DYING😂😂😂 y’all are actors do better😂😂

Anonymous said: At first I was mad at Chris for this shit he made, but after that video I can’t wait for more. THIS IS THE BEST COMEDY SHOW. Chris please don’t stop, give us more material to lost respect for you.

Anonymous said: Something that I always found attractive on Chris is the fact that although he played the PR game, it was subtle and he never looked thirsty. For me, the paps pics used to be a happy occasion to see him. Now he looks... thirsty? Still not on the same level of other celebs but it seems he took the first steps to reach that low. I have nothing to say about Lilly. That is her thing, she is just doing more of the same. And she is definitily not alone on this.

Anonymous said: He might hate having to do this, but he's choosing to, and not even bothering to *try* to look into her. That video made it glaringly clear that it's all pr

Anonymous said: I feel like you don’t want him and lily James to date Idk why

Anonymous said: I’m so sorry but this is not a real relationship. That video and these park pics really did it for me. I can’t stop laughing at this spectacle I feel like this is more Megan for damage control

Anonymous said: that video makes it look so staged even the way they are sitting. Wonder what will be next?

Anonymous said: I think these pics were taken on Saturday the day after. It has been wet in London (good ole British summer) and they would not be sitting on wet grass. Does scream PR. Chris will have to be returning soon to US for his ASP launch unless he zooms from London. Sill can’t believe he would fly over for a hook up it has to be work related as will.

Anonymous said: What’s going to happen if they come out and say they been dating you still not going to believe them you will still think it’s PR

Anonymous said: Also if they wanted this whole thing to be PR they would have started a long time go before DJ came out I really think they are dating like we can never know what happens behind close time

Anonymous said: I don’t even know which parts of that video more funny. That awkward ice cream licking while paps shouting or that awkward walk like two strangers. And some people really think these two are real life prince and princess love story.

Anonymous said: I feel like we are all jumping to conclusions with this whole lily and Chris situation but MAYBE JUST MAYBE they are really dating

Anonymous said: I feel embarrassed for them in these photos. No offense I don’t mean to come off rude. But this is so staged. I thought maybe this was real but a video I’m sorry there was a purpose for this

Anonymous said: There nothing wrong with the video the paparazzi is being so nosey you acting like they are staring at the camera but they are not they are just talking

Anonymous said: They look more interested in their ice creams than each other 🤣. Why didn't Jenny get this treatment? At least Minka got a few pap walks.

Anonymous said: There nothing wrong with the video the paparazzi is being so nosey you acting like they are staring at the camera but they are not they are just talking

Anonymous said: Oh yeaaaah, they seem super natural and in love in that video 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Anonymous said: Is there any possibility that they are genuinely dating/having a fling but are using it for PR at the same time? Or are perhaps just fwb?

Anonymous said: I know this is a weird thought, but her clutching the hotel bag felt like her guilty conscience speaking. If she really had slept with him, she wouldn’t be so desperate to prove it. Maybe I’m wrong, though. He flew all that way, he might as well get something out of it, since he’s killing his reputation. I thought I actually heard a story about him laughing at the TS drama on the avengers set. Oh, how the tables have turned.

Anonymous said: Do you think there’s any possibility they’re just starting out dating or just friends with benefits maybe?

Anonymous said: Someone on Twitter said Lily begins filming something later this month? Hopefully this nonsense won't last for long. He's sort of flushing away his credibility and good will by pulling such stunts when so may people are going through such hardships and tragedy. It's so insensitive and out of touch. Especially if this is all for an Emmy nom. That award belongs to Mark Ruffalo anyway.

Anonymous said: I would pay all my money to see Scott’s reaction watching those pictures from the park. I think he’s second hand embarrassed for his brother. Or maybe Chris will get some lessons how yo look more natural on their next date.

Anonymous said: I agree with you. Celebs can't scream "my privacy", "leave me alone", or "ugh, LA" (as Chris said once in an interview) when they are doing this kind of thing. That are actors and actresses who never used this kind of tool or are rarely papped and manage to have a good career. But maybe those are the more talented, that get screenplays at their doors? Or the ones who truly give a sh*t about fame?

Anonymous said: So we've decided all this PR probably isn't for ASP, and maybe it's for the Emmys, even though it's a long shot he'll be nominated, and he definitely won't win. That's a hell of a lot of hassle to go through. And I still don't get why it was necessary to go to the UK for this when he could've been papped with an American actress. Is it just because it'll be easier to break up with her when the charade is over? Long-distance, conflicting schedules etc.

Anonymous said: First time of his pap walk career I see Chris watching paparazzi. Not one made unintentionally but a few! And in laughing! He never did it with Minka, he lowered his head or acted usually, same with Jenny and their airport pics, just the time to order a taco or get their bags back but now he watches the camera, exposed during maybe one hour?

Anonymous said: I heard that today it is raining in London! people who live there mentioned it !! So maybe these photos were not really from today

Anonymous said: There’s always been something I’ve disliked about Lily, I’m usually really into actresses but with her there’s just something that is off-putting, perhaps cold or clout chasing etc. Do you know what I mean? I can’t exactly put my finger on it but my guesses/feelings/thoughts about famous individuals and people in general usually turn out to be correct without fail.

Anonymous said: I’m a Trevor Noah fan! How do y’all know him and Minka are dating?👀

Anonymous said: Why I want to know is why Chris would do this with Lily of all people, she’s so not his type from what he’s said but he’s also said that that goes out the door when you meet someone. They don’t seem to have anything really in common other than acting? Do they have any shared likes, he’s known for being really politically involved and she doesn’t, he seems a big animal lover but she doesn’t. Anything else you’d like to add? 😂

Anonymous said: Someone needs to create an account like that Ana de armas update account on twitter soon if this keeps going the way it is...

Anonymous said: So I’ve got a really really good intuition/sixth sense it’s actually quite scary. I can usually guess correct on things that happen months before they actually do or pick up on people’s changes etc. I have an uneasy feeling about Chris and Lily together, something doesn’t seem natural or adding up to me.

Anonymous said: I find this whole thing just odd. I think celebrities are so used to being at the forefront of news outlets that with the virus and movements they are doing really desperate things for attention and it’s almost humorous.

Anonymous said: Is it just me or was lily distant like alway looking away , and towards the paps ?

Anonymous said: I guess it’s safe to say this sh**how is going to get worse before it gets better (and less fake?)

Anonymous said: You said : “As for ASP, I don’t think he gives a crap about that at this point.” That’s kind of sad, seeing that he put so much effort into it, maybe that’s we’re all this comes from.

hagarsays said: Wait Chris probably went to London after he did his pre-recorded stuff for variety,deadline and 92y

Anonymous said: If i was chris’ PR, i would def not want this PR stunt to be bc we’re pushing for an emmy nom. Thats just tasteless & not the mark of a “serious” actor like chris wants to be. He made a mistake ignoring the deadline interview (unretweeting) bc it is just one of the few big ways that could get ppl taking him seriously bc it was MATURE. Lowkey weird to be 39 & doing classless PR stunts w/ an actress who isnt down to settle like he seems to want

Anonymous said: US said same thing as dm. I do not confirm the relationship between them again! that leaves me a lot to think about 🤔

Anonymous said: I’m confused. You do think that yes they are a real couple or no they’re not and it’s just PR?

Anonymous said: Def agree with you about ASP. Now it seems like he didn’t even give a shit. Some would think someone who wants to be taken seriously with his political website he would stay lowkey and wouldnt pull a PR bullshit but here we are. I guess Emmy nom is more important. Also guys its not about fans its about general public. The more ppl talk about him the more getting a nod from Emmy. Cuz the award shows need audience and if the ppl they nominate has new ppl interested in them it means more watchers!

Anonymous said: What post did he like that mentioned him? Was this on Twitter? What did the post say? Very confused and speculative rn bc this seems so staged.

Anonymous said: I can't wait till the paps 'accidentally' catch them strolling around Concord 😂

Anonymous said: Is that a new necklace Chris has, the pendant looks bigger than the usual one or is it just me. Also noticed the gold watch 😳

Anonymous said: Reminds me of hiddleswift that relationship started when he was in talks to get a GG. If we get lovey dovey pics i will be on the PR train. plus she has work scheduled for the fall and he’s kind of a homebody and she insta allowed in the country. So I don’t think it will last

Anonymous said: I’m confused about why get a cab to the park. Also it’s friggin cold here ATM. And many showers. Why bother.

Anonymous said: Mood, I'm not sure if it was you that mentioned that some of his friends posted pics on SM attending parties for 4th july. Analyzing all this situation I think that Chris and at least some of his friends can be entitled and irresponsible. He was even more irresponsible.

Anonymous said: This is backfiring on Chris big time. Some of his stans might be kissing his ass, but other people are pissed. The photos made it to ONTD and people are shitting on Chris real hard. And talking about Lily snorting it up in the park the other day IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC. Those photos of Lily barely had any rotation and now people keep bringing them up. This is so stupid. Why would he do this now?

Anonymous said: Also, one last thing: I think this confirms that chris DEFINITELY has a type, and it has nothing to do with brunette hair, her own independence or a great ass. Instead, his type really does seem to be basic, emotionally needy and fame thirsty actress. Like, he's on chick #3 who seems desperately thirsty for media attention. It's a pattern ON HIS PART for sure. I don't think he really cares about privacy so much as he cares about being judged or seen in a negative way.

Anonymous said: all theses pics of Chris made me wonder why we never see any pap pics of him with his family I find a little strange cause they are very close

Anonymous said: It can't be just me that thinks that if the did indeed hook up this weekend or even before (where even is that theory coming from), then they'd at least look more comfortable around each other. Because you'd think the play would've been this park set up first and then the hotel stunt.

Anonymous said: Anyways, I wonder if Jenny is getting married soon? Because as soon as I saw the ice cream pics, my first thought was: oh, I see, so jenny's wedding must be coming up soon... like this is a kind of petty revenge on his part. He's just such a dumbass that he fucked it up by forgetting about the global pandemic. Doh! I may be crazy, but my intuition about stuff like that is very often on point.

Anonymous said: Idk why but i feel like maybe Michelle introduces them since lily and Michelle worked on downton Abby and Chris and Michelle worked on defending Jacobs maybe that’s how they meet or got introduced

Anonymous said: They went to the park so whenever you Google "Lily James Park" you get these pictures w/ Chris instead of the ones of her snorting whatever it was she was snorting the other day.

Anonymous said: Worse than that, wasn't the post actually criticizing/mocking him? So he reads. He's OBVI on board with this, so of course he's checking for or is being informed of it's reception in real-time. His "Old man yells at sky" spiel abt mod tech doesn't jibe w his deleting a couple of tone deaf tweets (months aft his mentions/comments were in shambles), getting "caught" liking/unliking at lightning speed, etc. He reads, he just responds subtly: Dodger content, blue hearts, got snippy in a kids video.

Anonymous said: It still sucks that he did this when people are literally dying due to Covid19. Surely, their meet cute could have waited till things were better? I was supposed to fly to London later this year but can't because I'm not a wealthy white men with an abundance of privilege. It's like they are rubbing their privilege in our noses. Even if this is real, it's a terrible way to begin things. Makes them both look careless and selfish.

Anonymous said: Why do you think Chris went on instagram Was it maybe to see what people thought out him and lily being together Or because he relieds he should of been wearing a mask , and wanting to see how people reacted to that

Anonymous said: What do you think is going on? I’m so confused as to whether they’re genuinely dating and whether they’ve been dating for a while or not, how they’re going to work the relationship- will she move or will he? Is it PR? She’s only been known lately for her Sky Mobile ads so publicity for her, and also the Backgrid stuff

Anonymous said: I think she called the paps at the hotel and now the morning after Chris is doing damage control with mask and ice cream. She is literally holding the hotel bag probably from the night before. To your point no way they would release his hotel

Anonymous said: Plus Lily has been papped multiple times since lockdown began. I don't she has ever been photographed in a mask. So this is a first for her. He obviously told her to wear one.

Anonymous said: I showed other people the pics, including someone NOT in the fandom, and they said it doesn’t look like a couple. It just looks like friends. None of the pics look “cozy”...he’s walking with his hands in his pockets and when his hands are out, they aren’t holding hands. They are just walking and talking like friends. And she looks directly in the camera again. She KNEW paps were there. It’s so staged it’s embarrassing 🤦‍♀️ Why would HE be okay with that? I thought he hated Minka doing that?

Anonymous said: dodger better be pissed about that shitty haircut. if chris was going to break quarantine anyway, what was it all for?

Anonymous said: The fact they went for a masked pap walk today totally shows they or their teams checked their mentions.

Anonymous said: Did they leave the park together in the taxi or just her?

Anonymous said: I guess that the mission was accomplished with the new pics. Anyone who dares to mention that there is still a pandem... STOP BEING JEALOUS!!!! CINAMOON ROLL IS JUST LIVING HIS LIFE! HE DESERVES IT!!! Wait, but he traveled from the country that has more cases... YOU ARE JEALOUS! HE NEVER DOES ANYTHING RIGHT FOR YOU BAD FANS THAT DON'T SUPPORT HIM! STOP! IT WILL HURT HIS FEELINGS!!!! LET ME CUDDLE MY CUTE 39 YEARS OLD BABY!!!!! But now on a serious note, I think I'm finally done with fandoms. Anonymous said: I’m confused about the timeline. The article says Wednesday but people who live in London say the weather is not consistent with the photos. It’s rainy and cold. Who rolls around in wet grass? But why lie about the day?

Anonymous said: Even if it’s not him checking what’s being said about him someone on his team is don’t be naive anon.

Anonymous said: She hasn’t been seen wearing one in public during the day until today...lol they knew to wear one

Anonymous said: Chris is wearing a bandana for dogs.... I was searching it up and yes it is for Dogs and it is the same pattern..... As a fan of taylor swift, this is basically the same with tom hiddlestone. A complete PR one lol. You can even clearly see it🤣🤣🤣

Anonymous said: Even if Chris wasn’t checking his mentions, his team definitely is. They are paid to do do. But he is checking 😉

Anonymous said: usa magazine said the same thing as daily M !! I do not confirm the relationship between them again! that leaves me a lot to think about?

Anonymous said: That fact that once again they are both looking into the camera has me rolling my eyes. You both are actors you are paid to NOT look into cameras🙄

Anonymous said: Times will tell if it's just a hook up or a serious relationship

Anonymous said: Wait did Megan courier that mask to him 😂

Anonymous said: i think chris needs to go home and have a serious think about his action maybe scott and mama evans can talk some sense into him

Anonymous said: it’s so strange that him and seb have this going on at the same time

Anonymous said: Damn. This all could have be done is such a cute and fairy tale way if they waited a little bit. But I guess overall people are liking and we are just a small piece of the internet. But in middle of a pandemic? Really gross for a "woke and political" bae. His privilege is showing.

Anonymous said: I’m sorry Minka dear for calling you the attention seeker who calls paps on you and Chris. I guess this one is the worse Lol.

Anonymous said: If this isn't for the Emmy nom, then I can't comprehend why he's doing this. Many people are saying "Oh, he's been seen too long without a public gf, he needed one." Okay, so why not find an actress in Boston, or NYC, or even L.A.? Do they have any managers or agents in common? This must be some kind of setup.

Anonymous said: What I really don’t get is why anyone is supposed to buy this stuff as real? Considering they live on different continents and in the long run, to paraphrase you a little, neither of them would likely to move. If anything, this doesn’t just look temporary, it looks tawdry and irresponsible. I have zero respect for either of them right now.

Anonymous said: did they leave the hotel only to have ice cream on park?

Anonymous said: There’s a picture of him holding her arm and one of her getting into the taxi. Looks like he followed her into it to me!

Anonymous said: both Chris and Scott have c*ke rumors about them and know he’s with a girl that has been rumored using drugs with a friends on a park what a great combo

Anonymous said: I always thought that fake relationships for PR are tacky, as using real relationships for PR is tacky (IMO). If this is fake, a hook up, or a real relationship in the beggining, being papped this way when he clearly knows how to avoid paps when he wants is tacky and cheap. And in the current moment that the world is, trash.

Anonymous said: The pictures are funny. The whole thing is funny

Anonymous said: This is giving me Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse vibes. Down to the picnic in the park when they were reading Lolita. Also widely known as a PR setup to begin with and with similar star profiles (though Lily is more known than Suki was). At least someone on their staff picked up on the mask criticism. I agree it would be comical if we weren’t in the middle of a damn pandemic. But it very clearly had a distinct PR setup vibe.

Anonymous said: Do you guys noticed his watch? Completely different from what he normally wears. Actually, I think at his daily life, he doesn't wear watches.

Anonymous said: In other pics she’s looking directly at the camera

Anonymous said: I’m dying of cringe. People gave Ana de Armas so much shitty for being “thirsty”, bc you know, Chris is such a private person, but flashforward to July 2020 we have Evans eating ice cream and laying on the grass of a London park with Lily James during a pandemic. Hahahahaha. I honestly thought he could do better.

Anonymous said: It won’t even last lol, she is based in London. And this will end in a few months cuz of “hectic schedule and long distance” LOL.

Anonymous said: And if she was the ONE?

Anonymous said: I don’t know how he would manage a relationship where their in different counties and during a pandemic

Anonymous said: Remember the comments mentioning that there were no pics of Lilly entering the hotel and that maybe she stayed there just for being pictured? I wonder if the hotel bag was an answer for that? If the criticism about the masks were not unnoticed by them, to the point that for the first time she was pictured with a mask, I wonder if all this is answer for those comments and about her being treated as "dirty secret". Not damage control, but a way to control the narrative they want to sell.

Anonymous said: He’s not holding his chest while he laughs. So I don’t believe any of the pictures 😂

Anonymous said: Do u see this relationship lasting ?

Anonymous said: still from all these pictures they haven’t touched

Anonymous said: Is this on par behavior from Chris the last time he had a showmance with the other Lily?

Anonymous said: Something about this whole thing smells fishy. I just can’t put my figure on it. I have a deep feeling that this won’t last very long at all. Maybe even a month. For a new couple, they don’t seem affectionate at all. So weird honestly

Anonymous said: the one thing i can't wrap my head around is why now. I've heard rumors he has a website launch coming up? Maybe? Anybody? It really looks like he went abroad in the middle of a pandemic to see a girl. Sloppy management

Anonymous said: Being seen traveling just for fun during a pandemic shows not great judgement. Just a terrible idea to destroy any legitimacy or goodwill he had right before launching his already problematic and naive political website. Yikes.

Anonymous said: Maybe she watched DJ as Michelle is one of her friend and she sent message and that is the way all this mess started

Anonymous said: If they are dating good for them they make a cute couple but I think they way they have gone about it is not so great.

Anonymous said: I can’t even click the link you posted of the pictures cause that sneak pic I saw while I was scrolling... I cringed so hard 😬 I’m laughing honestly lol. idk if is the fact that he’s (they’re?) eating ice cream (and on a park? )or whatever, it looks so dumb to me lmao this is sending me 😂

Anonymous said: Do you think they’re actually dating then, Chris and Lily???

Anonymous said: Do you think it’s PR or real?

Anonymous said: lmfaooooo what a nice wholesome masked date in the park after being called out for no masks and looking tawdry

Anonymous said: surprise surprise the photos and the publisher are the same again

Anonymous said: Oh my goodness! Tell me he doesn’t pay attention to what’s being said about him. What a poseur. Ironically, the ET report started with celebrities like Tom Hanks stressing how important it is to stay home and wear masks. Chris is such an irresponsible jerk.

Anonymous said: 10+ pictures of them hanging for a while and none of them kissing??? Hmmm, sure Jan. They’re totally dating 🙄🙄

Anonymous said: Also, not to nitpick, but their body language doesn’t scream sex. They apparently slept together the first night, but it doesn’t show here. They should have reversed these pap walks.

Anonymous said: Chris never did that. it sure is PR

Anonymous said: This is looking more and more like the beginning stages of a relationship now. I can’t believe this is pr anymore. It seems to me like he flew to London to be with her and now they’re trying something new. I would hate for her to be the one he settles down with

Anonymous said: How do we know he’s trying to change his image, he seemed fine with how he was as far as it looked like from interviews. Have you read or heard something new about him out there?

______ said: What do you mean by'not friend zoned'? I don't get it.

Anonymous said: another blackgrid and DM exclusive. Why do this PR now?

Anonymous said: This is so staged lol.

Anonymous said: the mask in those new photos just proves he’s had one with him the entire time you wouldn’t get something like that in the uk

Anonymous said: this isn’t that deep. he was prolly there for something, has connections with her friend group, staged a walk, maybe hooked up. I would be surprised if they had been talking and dating for months. this was set up, him and Scott followed her at the same time. To your point zero pics of her inside and with her wandering around outside. Of course that was on purpose. she looks single and happy away from Matt and everyone is talking about Cpt. America & Cinderella. Just backfired and was too messy.

hagarsays said: So now that new pictures came out we can confirm they are dating now??

Anonymous said: anyone want to talk about his account previous username though joshpeck3030

Anonymous said: I’m not sure I buy him auditioning for her film. There’s a hierarchy in Hollywood. Bigger actors are usually offered roles first, and then the film is cast around them. He really hasn’t been the one up for a screen test in a long time. Like I said before, I work in this industry, and there’s a lot of ego. It is entirely possible, just highly unlikely.

Anonymous said: I wonder if we'll actually hear from Chris team closer to the weekend since it will have more impact for the weekend. Even if he was in on the pap walk it's nothing like Seb where both people actually look like they're together.

Anonymous said: What are carly & lisas instagrams? How do ppl know who follows who

Anonymous said: I think another thing to add is the JS said Chris likes to stay home and she would want to travel but he didn’t. He also said that he doesn’t like to travel in and interview. I don’t think that would change in the 2 years he’s been publicly single and 5 months in quarantine

Anonymous said: is it possible ce did some sort of screen test on like zoom or something for the paris trap before he came to the UK? idk about this whole thing. some people think because there are no pictures of lily in the hotel that she just came for the pictures then left after the paps left

Anonymous said: Makes me wonder if theres something wrong with hollywoods “most eligible” bachelors bc they’re single. If normal ppl can find love, they definitely can esp with how much exposure they get to love. Idk 🤒

Anonymous said: That Conversations at Home interview he did was dated 29th June. So he was definitely in the US last Monday.

Anonymous said: I know I'm going to get yelled at for this bc it's pap pics why does Chris look so angry in the last shots where Lily is on the other side of the gate/fence? He's also keeping alot of space from Lily at that point. Even in earlier pics he's not exactly walking next to her. I honestly don't think this was on Chris this time tbh.

Anonymous said: But what if the date was the work? If they’re setting up a long game PR relationship, maybe that’s why he went. If his next film is in London, he’ll be able to follow up with more daily mail stunts. Soon, he’ll have hey fever in the park with her friends.

Anonymous said: But logically if this wasn’t PR, which it is, this relationship would never work. The most i see is a causal summer hookup fling. She just got out of a 5 year relationship, l like JS and she lives across the pond. For someone the before the pandemic spent most of his time in MA I don’t see that changing. And lily is based in London and is an upcoming actress who, if she had to move to the states, would go to LA or NY. Not to mention mama Evans probably won’t like her “hay fever”

Anonymous said: some chris fans are so boring, we always talk about theories on fandom and it never hurt chris before. Sometimes this is entertainment, no one is hurting anyone, but there are some fans who pretend to be naive and love everything Chris does, but hate others like Jenny and Chris ex-girlfriends and are also the same fans who are chasing him on twitter like that episode in which they discovered the topics that chris follows

Anonymous said: Do you think he’s still in the UK or back in Boston?

Anonymous said: Also Lily doesn’t seem like his type whatsoever

_____ said: Also megan REALLY cleaned up chris’ image. She had to do the lord’s work of undoing every single time chris was papped pre marvel & i gotta commend her for that. What a gem, i hope she gets paid $3938383838293

Anonymous said: Two of the three people he followed were Bel Powley and Douglas Booth. He worked with Bel on Lobby Hero, and probably knows Douglas too as he is her boyfriend. Btw, where can you all see his location on IG? It doesn't appear for me at all.

Anonymous said: Do you think Chris is going to get the Emmy nom?

Anonymous said: Do you think there will be any more sightings of Chris and Lily together?

hagarsays said: I agree I truly think he really went there for work or some type of business cause I been his fans since 2016 and till now he only flys somewhere for family vacation or for businesses or movie or work he doesn’t seem the type of person to fly somewhere like London for a date cause that’s stupid THERE HAS TO BE A WORK REASON I can’t think of anything else besides work

Anonymous said: Who is this Gemma person that Chris follows? When was Chris with lily on Friday, I thought the club/taxi/hotel was Saturday?

Anonymous said: the last two were the girl who worked in Lobby hero and her boyfriend !! I already knew them !! And to add the location of Instagram is not so precise, I say it because I follow people and I see that their location is different on Instagram. another example, sebas is in USA but it was seen yesterday in Spain !!

Anonymous said: the last people he followed on instagram are British actors, maybe it’s a project to come

Anonymous said: Do you think Chris and Lily are dating?

Anonymous said: He follows her friends? That’s so weird to do after one date unless they’ve met before. I don’t feel like this is pr anymore

Anonymous said: it's funny, because Sebastian's account is based in the USA and he's in Spain, same with Chris Pratt! Something it’s not right

_____ said: Just going back to if chris is cheap/sleazy irl, i definitely think he used to be sleazy & the residual effect is left. On deuxmoi, ppl talk abt him going to taipei to hook up w ppl (while filming push) & he hooked up when he was in LA last month. (Not slut shaming) but just pointing to the fact that chris doesnt have the steve rogers personality most ppl think

Anonymous said: I can’t stand Lily’s friend Gemma. Don’t know why but there’s just something about her that grates on me.

hagarsays said: I will die of laughter if there a statement from either team saying they aren’t together but they where seen because they might start in a movie together that we don’t know about yet😂😂

Anonymous said: Does anyone from Chris's inner circle apart from Scott and Carly follow Lily on IG? That may be a good indication of whether this is real or PR/hookup or a relationship. Also, it's hard to believe that they started dating before lockdown like that anon claims given that they were on separate continents. Also, she wasn't even in the first batch of people he followed on IG. Wouldn't his gf be one of his first follows?

Anonymous said: I have a friend from England on Twitter and we've all been talking about this. She said the travel quarantine mandate for the US doesn't start until July 10. They have their own separate rules from the EU.

Anonymous said: Twitter is full of mentions of the new beautiful couple alert. People do romanticize everything that involves beautiful people. Even what seems tasteless PR/ booty call during a pandemic.

Anonymous said: I was looking at the pictures from Chris and Lily Collins date and at least they looked like that could be a date. I would be disappointed if Chris and Lily J announces they are dating after those embarrassing pictures trying to enter his hotel from different entrances. They clearly knew they were followed by paparazzi so they can’t denied they were busted. So tacky.

Anonymous said: What I'm trying to figure out is how they would try to play the long game. There are so far no films he would be involved in shooting in the UK. Unless he flies back and forth expeditiously, which once again bad idea, I think even publications would side eye it. The Blast, even though they seem like a fan blog, pointed out fans nonetheless found a discrepancy that this more than likely the first weekend they met. No way a physical relationship has taken place prior. I can't wait to see how they

Anonymous said: 2),because it's going to be flawed and totally dangerous to keep up. Possibly he could still be in the UK but not for long. I don't understand what they thought to accomplish. Unless there is a real relationship but there is too many plot points pointing to this either being new or fake. Like you said he can throw around as many big words as he likes it doesn't make up for the lack of common sense. I truly believe whatever happens next will be pulled out of his ass unless megan orchestrates it.

Anonymous said: I noticed how Chris keeps saying that he doesn't care about how he's perceived in recent interviews. I mean, it's obvious he does, right? He sits and checks his Twitter mentions for god's sake! Do we have any idea about whether he's back home yet?

Anonymous said: “press about skeavy side entrance hookups during a pandemic is quite an image overhaul for the two of them” Why are we still going with the side/back door story? New pics of him inside & she’s nowhere in sight. Maybe she was just standing at the side/back door while she was on the phone arranging her ride out of there or where she was going next, alone, & didn’t need to stand at the front since she wasn’t going inside?

Anonymous said: I hope lilly knows even after Chris is long gone that's all people are going to ask her about. She could win an award and one sentence would be about that the rest about how she dated/hooked up with captain america. If I wanted to be known for something I wouldn't be romantically linked to Chris lol. His captain america image follows him like herpes and attaches to anyone less famous he comes in contact with. Even Scarlett gets asked and she's just a friend.

Anonymous said: I feel like Chris is trying to go for a Clooney/Pitt/DiCaprio image. Sexy bachelor that every woman desires and is a serious actor. He has the superhero thing in common with Clooney😂

Anonymous said: Another question: did he intend his blatant disregard for human life to be showcased as well? Or was that just a fun bonus?

Anonymous said: I was actually wondering about image overhaul, but then why did he spend a year launches political site and trying to look respectable? He wants to play both sides? Also, doesn’t this make the intern hookup seem more plausible now? Poor judgment is his thing

Anonymous said: I wonder if this is his way of casting off the good guy Cap rep Marvel built him, and letting the world know he’s a real Boston douche. I actually remember that I didn’t like him pre-Cap. He used to strike me as annoying. I thought I was wrong about that, but, now….

Anonymous said: Something struck me with those new pics. I know we are making assumptions that maybe she didn't enter but if that was the case, why he was at the lobby of the hotel after entering it? It seems that he is trying to get permission for her, you know what I mean?

Anonymous said: Since as of now there isn’t anything about Chris and lily situation as of now can we move on and talks about anything until we get something new or important to talk about cause we haven’t gotten anything since yesterday😂

Anonymous said: (1/2) Idk what this is but the problem is the WORLD is in the middle of pandemic & he traveled to the UK to party into the night. The same wknd thousands of ppl flooded the streets of London because pubs reopened. If it's a PR stunt, I don't understand it at all because it makes him look privileged & out of touch. Especially w/ this club being an exclusive club for the rich 🙄. I'm just taken aback because he's been maintaining a mature image with ASP & social justice things lately. (2/2) He seemed to wear a mask at the BLM protest & then suddenly he's stunting in LDN in the middle of a pandemic? Right before his website is about to launch? What I do find interesting about the pics is they remind me of the Tom Hiddleston & Elizabeth Olsen pics in London from 2015. And idk how Chris & Lily could have had something this entire quarantine because there are pics of her w/ Matt Smith from May 15, so this would've been a very distant & fast relationship to suddenly have 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anonymous said: so they said was is single? in ET or did they just say same as the articles !!

Anonymous said: I just rewatched the Entertainment Tonight segment and it was mentioned that when Chris and Lily spotted the paps in the cab they decided that Chris would go in one entrance and Lily to a different entrance. It just said there were rumors of them being romantically involved. No mention about reaching out to their PR teams about this. So still don’t know what to think 🤔

Anonymous said: Is there a possibility that Chris knows his ASP endeavor was a waste of time and money and lost likely will be considered a failure? Therefor stepping out with a new woman as a distraction is the easiest way to make people forget (since he is one of Hollywood’s most eligible bachelors).

_____ said: Is anyone else noticing a sudden influx of articles essentially flushing the daily fail and other articles out mentioning them? I’ve seen 6 so far. 😂

Anonymous said: Someone on deuxmoi say that her friend hookup with Chris when he was in LA recently

Anonymous said: Do you think the ET coverage makes it more likely that it’s PR?

hagarsays said: You think we will every get any confirmation or statement from Chris and lily rumor romance cause every media outlets are taking about it reaching out for comment like I’m surprised they didn’t say anything YET it makes me think they want to people what they want to think

Anonymous said: Why is she walking to the front glass doors in one photo and then walks around more to the back? But the photos of him released today he was inside the glass doors and she was no where seen. Was she already at the back door and when did she take her little stroll to the front and he wasn’t there.

Anonymous said: I wanted to ask after you made that comment about in the past Chris’ team would mention he is still single or dating around if seen with a woman. So my question is since nothing was said from his team could they really be together?

Anonymous said: Just curious, why do you say Chris was never serious about his relationship with Jenny? I wasn’t around then

Anonymous said: They obviously didn’t make out in the cab. That’s really hot and heavy for a hook up. 🙄 Neither showed much emotion or smiles or anticipation. They looked quite bored actually. You’d think they’d get out and laugh about the situation. He looks panicked. This is Chris right?

Anonymous said: What was the PR issued statement with subsequent Minka days (I remember the first one being “she did a number on his head...which should have been a red flag for MK). I don’t remember the other rounds, though

Anonymous said: BBC Series ‘The Pursuit Of Love starring her is set to film late July in Bristol. No male lead has been posted on IMBD. Wondering if that’s why he was in London and getting them papped would sell that story. Wondering if Chris would do a BBC series, also Emily Mortimer is directing and that looks to be her first directing project (what I can see on IMBD)

Anonymous said: Why would a couple who was together want to pretend to not be together knowing the paparazzi was there? Do they get paid for an exclusive scoop so they make an effort to not look official? If they are together why not look happy & go in together? Why the smoke and mirrors? Is this because he’s not committed yet? If he’s dating her he was really rude. Wouldn’t a cute picture be a better win? They could go with couple or friends even work spin. This looks shady esp knowing the cameras were there.

Anonymous said: I was just reading what you said about the Entertainment Tonight segment that if Chris and Lily being together was that he was “still single” or dating around from his team but since they didn’t say anything yet could it be tru they are really together? Just curious

Anonymous said: Are you still thinking this is a stunt

Anonymous said: This whole thing is getting rehashed over&over again&if no new pics come out it'll be just like the other Lily where when they talk about their relationships she will have once been linked to Captain American star Chris Evans. Its same thing with J.S. most gossip sites can't mention her without him&it'll bring up articles with her name when you search him. The funniest thing I've heard about it is that according to ET they went in separate doors cause they spotted the paps.

Anonymous said: Do you think they'll be anymore pics released from that night or is that all of them, also has anyone picked up on the new pics of him or are they not bothering.

Anonymous said: I agree that this was most likely a PR stunt from Lily’s team, but it’s not like she’s completely unknown. She’s def more known and well regarded in the industry than Minka and Jenny. I don’t think she’s necessarily “using his fame” since they both agreed to the stunt. If anything, it maybe benefits both of them for the time being. Lily is well off without Chris’ money and status imo.

Anonymous said: I have a bad chronical hay fever and I... don't put medicine in my nose that way???? Seriously. Do I do it wrong?🤔

Anonymous said: I’m not even sure US Weekly came from Megan. When she puts together something there is sources who are friends etc. Even with Lilly Collins. US weekly seemed to be more on her info than him. What do you think

Anonymous said: So she was photographed sniffing and nothing happened? This is a white privilege, black people are murdered for walking on the streets. is this what Chris wants for him? That kind of privilege?

Anonymous said: Besides him traveling during a pandemic, no masks and whatnot is wrong on so many levels and can’t be defended. Some who follow Chris I think this is so weird as he says one thing and totally does the opposite. He wants a family life and carve pumpkins yet does Pr with Lily who is in Primrose Hill group that all kinda posh and party. It’s just confusing but entertaining 😆

Anonymous said: If it is just PR, why didn’t he pick someone local? Was his entire business in London being papped? He could have taken a page out of Ana and Ben’s book, and been papped in LA. Hell, he could have even photobombed their pap walk with his or date and gotten free coverage.

Anonymous said: I think that maybe we should stop talking about the women he dates or is linked with and start thinking of what them show about him as a person. I'm still waiting to see one that is smart and talented and has her own career, or business, for her own merits. The type of woman that a confident straight man would be proud to have at his side, you know? Maybe those one run away from him?

Anonymous said: "Why does Chris seem to have such bad taste in women?" /// maybe it's because if he was with a good woman she'll call him on his bullshit unlike the circle of yes men/ women he probably prefers and he doesn't want that per say so he retreats to women who enable him and when he gets tired drops them to the side and let's his fans eat them alive, since he almighty can do no wrong in their eyes so whatever happens it must be the women who were never "good" in the first place

Anonymous said: This is like totally random and idk if I’m the only one who thinks about stuff like this lol, but do you ever think about what Chris’ mom and other family member think about this whole lily thing?

Anonymous said: Well non of his inner circle of friends follow her yet so that's something 😂

Anonymous said: Now an anon's friend's cousin's mailman's building maintenance's 3rd grade teacher KNOWS abt this "months-long romance?" Ok. IT DOESNT MATTER if real or pr, new or old --- if they're sooo familiar with each other: 1. Why not stay in his/their luxury hotel and "make out" so to not get 'visibly' caught by anons, and 2. Why not arrange for her visit/stay at the hotel BEFORE even coming to the UK, let alone while on the cab ride after CLEARLY being pap'd, if they've been "courting" so long???? Mess.

Anonymous said: I can't imagine this English rose in Chris Boston friends circle if they actually a thing. Jenny and Minka fitted there and It looked like they were friends with his buddies wife's/girlfriends. At least at those moments they dated Chris. Lily is too posh and to immature for Chris friends. But this is just my opinion.

Anonymous said: Do you think they’ll continue or will it be swept away like Lily Collins?

Anonymous said: I know it’s impossible to say at this point, but how long do you think a PR showmance like this will last? He’s obviously done it before but I wasn’t very active in the fandom then.

Anonymous said: “classy isn’t her signature pap stroll” 🤣 i love you 😘 😂 Chris really likes cheap girls.

Anonymous said: Does Chris just not care about his image? Why would he be okay with PR/pap pics that make it look like he was having some cheap prostitute sneaking in his hotel? This could have been done so much better without it making it look like either one of them is trash. Why does he wanna look like trash?

Anonymous said: LOL Last time I checked you don’t blow your nose not with a slender piece of paper that looks like you are snorting something. Keep it classy Chris Evans. Keeping it classy.

Anonymous said: Talking of not a good look, your jealousy is coming through as hatred. I think you need to back away from the fandom

Anonymous said: Maybe this is his new image. He’s put out stories twice now about dating around. Maybe implied promiscuity wasn’t enough. He wants us to really know he sleeps around and to get used to seeing him do it, perhaps? Or he genuinely likes her and she’s allowing him to reveal his inner sleaze bag?

Anonymous said: Huuum... Minka now looks classier than her. Lol

Anonymous said: Also to note both Chris and Sebastian are signed to CAA. Stan signed with them on late may and now is going yatching to Ibiza with a foreign women that curiously has the right passport to enter the country. Chris and James looking straight at the paps. Both couples photographed by Backgrid. 👀

Anonymous said: Sebastian was seen with a fan there picture on twitter and he not wearing a mask he been see 3 times with no mask in Ibiza and Chris was only see with no mask once in London😂😂😂

Anonymous said: If they do have some kind of relationship, this might actually work, since he’s shown here he’s willing to ridiculous pap stunts. He didn’t do those for Minka and Jenny.

Anonymous said: Well since people are busting their chops. I think there is 3 options going forward. They double down on their ignorance (if they do hopefully they adhere to safety standards next time), he let's it fade away with no further mention, or the unlikely option his team releases a statement apologizing for the lack of safety/denying or confirming their relationship. Either way nobody but us is taking particular interest anymore. It was a flop.

Anonymous said: If you guys though Chris was worse look at Sebastian he was just seen taking a picture with a fan and wearing no mask and him and his GF was seen with no mask and while Chris didn’t take pictures with fans and wasn’t seen with lily at all since Saturday

Anonymous said: So is the new image supposed to make him look like a jerk? I don’t buy the new image thing. We’ve seen him where it looks genuine being polite to women. This group of pics just looks strange; he looks not very impressed and she looks like she has a chip on her shoulder.

Anonymous said: He went from 4.5 to 4.6 million followers on insta and 120 tweet per day to 1120 per hour. People are taking and this stunt worked. And like you said not money shot of her IN the hotel. My money is on that she is still with Matt but her team is going to play it like he got jealous of her male attention and came crawling back.

Anonymous said: Also-he was so in and out of London. Like what in Thursday/Friday out Sunday...if you were seeing a girl...you are flying to London for more than 72 hours.

Anonymous said: Now an anon's friend's cousin's mailman's building maintenance's 3rd grade teacher KNOWS abt this "months-long romance?" Ok. IT DOESNT MATTER if real or pr, new or old --- if they're sooo familiar with each other: 1. Why not stay in his/their luxury hotel and "make out" so to not get 'visibly' caught by anons, and 2. Why not arrange for her visit/stay at the hotel BEFORE even coming to the UK, let alone while in the cab ride after CLEARLY being pap'd, if they've been "courting" so long???? Mess.

Anonymous said: A showrunner from a TV show I follow resumes filming today in London. She has been isolating there for the last two weeks and posting discussing her quarantine. It wasn’t required since she was there to film. She did it because she has common sense and cares about people’s health. It’s really not too much to ask of people.

Anonymous said: I don't know if really his like was real? I say this because What a coincidence he like tweet of black Raven? a very critical account about him !! If there are screenshots of Chris's Twitter account on his likes, I will believe it !!

Anonymous said: The new pics make it worse for me simply because it shows him inside, close to staff, with disregard for masks. As someone else said, just because it isn’t required there doesn’t make it better. He’s a news watching American. He knows what the guidelines are. Him looking at the camera and her possibly not going in just makes this whole stunt even more stupid. It was irresponsible. Period.

Anonymous said: My head are spinning from all the theories I read about those pictures. Are they dating, are they doing this for pr, maybe Chris didn't knew about paparazzi, maybe she's already moving with him to Boston... oh boy 🤕

Anonymous said: This whole thing makes no sense. He stands inside while lilly walks around outside. The like makes no sense, but that was an accident I assume. Which makes me believe he's going through his mentions and knows people are pissed about the masks. If this is bad pr they should stop while they're ahead. If they're dating good for them keep it to themselves cause people are already doubting this crap. This thing is unbelievable and ridiculous, you're right he's not as smart as he seems so probably 2) Anonymous said: had a significant role in this. Maybe he does believe he needs the pr. Also I wouldn't believe anything an anon source says is from someone close to them. If they want this bs official they'll leak it to us weekly or some other junkie outlet they're dating. I think they're testing the waters with this pr stunt to see how much they can milk attention. I'm disappointed in Chris for even thinking this is acceptable.

Anonymous said: Yikes. He's gotta be as dumb as a box of rocks if he knew about the paps and still thought her going in the back way was a good idea. He's really not that smart (I think people play up his intelligence a lot), but with how tightly he's kept his private life shut down since Jenny, I find this to be strange, to say the least.

Anonymous said: I don't know if really his like was real? I say this because what a coincidence he like tweet of black Raven? a very critical account about him !! If there are screenshots of Chris's Twitter account on his likes, I will believe it !!

Anonymous said: The fact that he’s looking at his mentions just confirms my feelings of If being fake🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said: For me his behaviour this weekend was way worse than homewrecking a marriage, which affected few people. I didn't come back to the fandom after JS with the same energy I had before. Maybe this is what I need to leave. I never thought he was perfect or incapable of doing mistakes. But there are too many information out there right now about the virus. This left me with a taste of arrogance from his part.

Anonymous said: So we have money shots of him in the hotel but not her 🤔 but DM is the UK TMZ they are sleazy. They would have not problem waiting around for her to go in and leave his hotel. She could have never gone in or she could been in there but why not release them. There’s so many signs of this being fake but believable to people that don’t follow Chris/Lily/PR.

Anonymous said: the fact that he deleted two tweets just after post is a signal that his not that happy with this situation

Anonymous said: I also think maybe it’s why this was her team vs Megan. Even like his articles have “sources” of they are just having fun blah blah. Not even DM or any of the US ones have his team surrounding it. They are recycling DM as the source and no reps have confirmed or commented on anything. I think he wanted a sloppy night and she documented it. And also why it was posted later so Megan could get a handle on it.

Anonymous said: now we have pics of him in the lobby of the hotel but none of her so she really entered in the back door or she didn't even entered on the hotel

Anonymous said: Why would PR want ppl to see Chris as sleazy? Also why would Chris want ppl to think he’s sleazy? If he knew paps were there & was okay with the whole back door thing, looking like some hookup that was caught or something. Why would he be okay with that? Even if that’s not what really happened, why would he be okay with being looked at like that?

Anonymous said: ASP today posted and immediately deleted posts from instagram and twitter. I wonder if he's already regret this dumb trip to see a girl. I wonder what Mark K and Joe K thinking about this.

Anonymous said: “cheap, sloppy and sleazy are his hallmarks in real life” can you further explain this? I’m having one of those days, and I think I’m understanding it correctly but I just wanna make sure

Anonymous said: So why did he do this? I mean the PR game. The guy does not need this

Anonymous said: Can I ask your opinion do you think they hooked up or just a set up pap shlt as we don't see her enter the hotel

Anonymous said: Are you still saying it’s pr or have u changed your mind

Anonymous said: I'm a little bit lost here. He truly liked and disliked the tweet? It's ironic that yesterday you mentioned that there were no pics of him getting inside and today they are here. I wonder if pics of her will show up later or tomorrow. This wouldn't bother me at all in a normal situation. But the moment makes all cheap and irresponsible. Maybe cheap and dumb is what he is? Maybe that's why the asks in interviews are all the same. Not for privacy, but to avoid dumb answers.

Anonymous said: I wasn’t in the fandom yet, but from what I’ve heard about Chris in his 20s, it sounds like he had a “cheap, sloppy and sleazy” vibe back then too. And he had a cleaner image once he started doing the Marvel movies. Now that he’s done with Marvel maybe he’s showing his true colors

[dearyams]

wanted to send you a prompt i was gonna do but i am too lazy prompt: mike and will have been dating but havent said i love you, mike is going on some trip for a week where cell phones dont work (obv future fic) and so Byeler is having a phone convo before mike arrives at his destination and they wont be able to talk to each other a week and will says tells mike he loves him but before mike can respond the phone disconnects as Mike arrives at the destinationn

[ crossposted on AO3 ]

“Finished packing yet?”

Mike turns from his suitcase and the clothes piles spread about the floor in his room and grins when he spots Will leaning on the doorframe a few feet away. He’s got two iced coffee cups in hand, indicative of finishing his part-time hours at the local coffee shop a few blocks north from the Byers residence. Mike wonders if Will biked his way over or took a lift with his brother to come visit before the Wheelers make their way on an impromptu trip to upstate New York at a cabin his dad had recently inherited.

The kneeling boy waves his hands at the disorderly state surrounding him and shrugs. “I’m trying and failing at packing the right clothes for this venture, I’ll say that.”

Will chuckles and walks fully into the room. He passes along Mike’s coffee, shoving around haphazardly folded pants to find a seat on the floor beside the other boy. Mike watches him grab a sweater and toss it aside. “It’s summer so you don’t need to pack heavy. Just grab some t-shirts and jeans; that should do. Shorts too if you’d like.”

“Sure,” sighs Mike before sipping from his cup. “I don’t want to make the visit miserable if I’m wearing the wrong clothes. Wrong for the weather and wrong for looking tolerable in the photos I know Mom is gonna force on me.”

Will laughs, a gentle breeze in the summer’s heat. “You’ll look good in whatever you put on.”

“As my boyfriend, you’re kind of obligated to say that.”

“Not really.” the brunette leans in to kiss Mike’s cheek. “I’ll let you know when you look bad if only for the sake of my own eyes.”

“And when you won’t be next to me, how will you judge my outfits properly?”

Will checks his watch and hums. “When’s your departure? If you have time, you can try out some of the outfits and I’ll let you know what works.”

Mike grins as he reaches over Will’s lap and snags a band t-shirt. “Sneaky aren’t you; tryna get me undressed.”

“I’ll cover my eyes.” Will places his unoccupied hand over his eyes but spreads his fingers between his middle and ring fingers to peek through the opening. Mike scoffs, tossing a stray pair of shorts at his face which makes the brunette laugh heartily. Mike already misses Will, the knowledge that they’ll be separated for a week squeezing his heart dry with romantic despair. He wishes Will could come with but the trip was pretty unplanned and though Mike's “job” as a blog writer and editor doesn’t require a remote location, Will’s job doesn’t allow the same ease when taking off work.

(Though Mike thinks he’ll probably still be working offline on an article if his mom doesn’t steal his laptop for “family bonding in the forest” time.)

Mike’s sudden fashion show lasts for about an hour and while Will does offer good input, most of that hour is spent playing around and Mike sneaking in as many kisses as they can get away with whenever Mike peels off a shirt and struggles to get his head through the tight collar of another. Afterwards, Will helps finish packing and when completed, they lounge about on Mike’s bed as Will discusses the customers he met earlier in the day.

Though he knows packing just mere hours before departure isn’t a habit he should develop, especially when the plans for his career require frequent traveling, he spent the night before editing a movie review scheduled for posting during the drive. Mike doesn’t regret his momentary time mismanagement if it means he spends more time with Will before the trip. The article can wait—he’s posting it early anyway—but time spent with his boyfriend is always coveted.

When Mike’s mom knocks on the door, Will pulls away from Mike’s chest where he rested his head as they page through Mike’s hard copy of The Golden Compass which he wanted to review in line with the show’s release. Shaking his head and straightening his hair as best as possible, Mike struts to his door and opens it with raised eyebrows. His mom looks up from checking her phone and offers Mike a tight smile before looking past him to wave at Will.

“I’m sorry to interrupt you two,” she starts warmly, “but Mike, we have to get going soon. The traffic through the city is getting dense thanks to an accident on the 70.”

“Got it,” replies Mike as he turns back to Will, who walks to his side with both their empty cups in hand. “I’ll see you in a few days, Byers.”

“‘Course.” Will grins and leans up to press a gentle kiss to Mike’s cheek. “Call me when you’re getting close to your destination.”

“Sure, worrywart,” he teases but turns his face to kiss Will’s lips one last time before he has to depart. He watches Will nod bashfully at his mom and give her a short goodbye before making his way downstairs. Mike doesn’t look away until he hears the front door closing and then he casts his gaze on his mom. “Are Dad, Nancy, and Holly waiting outside?”

“Yes,” she nods toward the front of the house. “We’ll all just waiting on you now.”

It doesn’t take long for Mike to join his family at the car, and as his dad pulls out the driveway, Mike turns in the direction of the Byers and smiles when he sees Will on his bike a little ways down the road watching. He sticks his hand out the window, his wave only growing more frantic when Will waves back. Holly giggles and Nancy makes a side comment about love sick teenagers as if she wasn’t one herself during her escapades with Steve, Jonathan, and now Robin. The first hour and a half fills with Holly saying “moo” every time they pass a cow on the way to the interstate and Mike feels like smashing his head against his window when they pass a farm and Holly moos until she nearly passes out. Pulling out his phone, Mike shoots Will a selfie of himself despondently looking out the window and groans when his cell service takes its sweet time sending the message along. Mike gets a reply a reply twenty minutes later: Will laughing at his misery with a short additional, “you’ll be there before you know it,” and a bunch of kiss emojis.

The next hour passes with Mike flipping through his ever growing Will gallery, a digital photo album filled with selfies and candid shots of Will, both solo and with Mike. He’s not one for being in photos himself but Will manages to drag him into a few selfies here and there. He doesn’t mind snapping a selfie either by himself or together—cheeks squished as they both attempt to fit in the frame as Mike holds the phone up and out—because Will always asks him to send the photo along and then makes it his lock screen until the next time he convinces Mike it’s photo time.

After settling on a candid shot Mike snapped when he and Will visited Lovers’ Lake and the sun framed Will like a bright halo of fire, Mike settles on playing a mobile game for about another two hours before staring out the window until the trees blend together and his eyes find themselves sliding shut. He wakes up a few times here and there when the family stops at gas stations and picks up snacks—he definitely remembers his mom arguing with his dad about stopping at a hotel which they ultimately don’t do—but he wakes up for the final time to his phone buzzing in his lap, startling him out of a dream he quickly forgets upon waking. Caller ID tags the number as Will and he immediately answers as he scrambles for his headphones in his pocket.

“Hey,” he begins, shoving the headphone plug into the slot at the bottom of the device, “Is everything okay back home?”

“Everything’s great,” Will’s voice crackles on the line and Mike peaks outside in the darkness to notice the forest surrounding him. They must be close to the cabin destination already. He didn’t think he had slept for that long. “Just checking in since it’s about time you’ve arrived if your dad didn’t take a rest.”

Mike laughs. “You’re cute, you know, checking up on me like this.” He hears Nancy snorting and reaches over Holly to pinch her bare arm. She glares at him and covers Holly’s eyes to flip him off. “Nancy says hello by the way.”

“Hello back to her.” Mike can hear Will’s grin and his heart clenches in sorrow at the current distance between them. “Are you doing okay there?”

“Yeah, peachy.” Mike yawns and covers his mouth. “Is it too cheesy to say I already miss you?”

“Maybe, but I miss you, too, so you don’t have to be embarrassed about it.”

A sleepy smile curls itself on Mike’s lips. “One week, Byers; one week and then I’m back.”

“Yeah, but don’t spend your time counting down the days, alright? I’ll do that for us both; you just have a great time at the cabin.”

Mike would kiss him if he could. “I’ll try my best but you know how my brain works.”

“Are you telling me it actually does work?”

“I’m breaking up with you.” Will laughs heartily. “Why are you laughing; I’m serious this time.”

“Sure, Wheeler.” Mike frowns as the last bit of his name gets caught in static. “Hey, I know this is probably something that should wait until you’re back but this separation made me realize I should tell you either way.”

“This sounds pretty important.”

“Yeah. I, uh, you probably already know this though but,” and Will takes a deep breath and releases it, though Mike hears it in short, split crackles. “Mike, I love you.”

The clarity in those four words stuns Mike into speechlessness and his mouth dries as his heart thumps speedily in his chest. Will is right, Mike already knows Will loves him, but this is the first time Will has ever said the fact out loud. I love you echoes in Mike’s head at the reverb levels of a rock guitarist. It takes far too long for his brain to come back online, but by the time it does, the car speeds past a brush of trees and the call suddenly drops. Mike looks down at his phone screen as the loud call dropped tone passes through his headphones. His home screen—a playfully disgruntled selfie as Will kisses his cheek—stares him back in the face as Will’s voice continues to bounce about in his head.

Mike, I love you.

Mike quickly calls back but his phone spits back the message that he has no service. “Nancy,” he hisses even though the entire car heard his part of his conversation with Will anyway, “do you have any service on your phone? I need to call Will back and my phone is being homophobic.”

Nancy raises her eyebrows but checks phone and shakes her head. “Looks like you’re straight out of luck.”

“Ha; you’re quite the comedian, aren’t you.” Mike reaches forward to tap his mom’s arm. “Mom, can I borrow your phone to finish a call?”

“Sorry, sweetie, I’ve lost service, too. I don’t think any of us can use internet on our phones.”

“Does the cabin at least have wifi?”

“Nope,” snorts Mike’s dad as he drives the car down a dirt road further into the forest. “You kids these days need to learn what life is like without cell phones anyway.”

Mike rolls his eyes and mumbles under his breath, “Okay, boomer.”

“What was that, young man?”

“Okay, bummer.” Nancy bites on her bottom lip and Mike sends her a grin before settling in his seat.

Their mom reaches a hand back to rest on Mike’s knee. “It’s only 7 days, Michael. I’m sure both you and Will can last that long without contact.”

He told me he loves me, Mom, he wants to explain but Will’s words are too fresh and far too private to blurt out in front of the whole family. He crosses his arms silently and turns to stare out the window, hoping that Will can wait out these next few days and hoping he doesn’t think Mike hung up on him after such an important conversation. I love you, too, he thinks to himself, smiling as he presses his hand against the chilly window and imagines Will on the other side as if the car window is the window in Will’s room and Will’s inside watching Mike with that ever so lovestruck grin filled with appreciation that Mike came over despite the cold night to comfort Will from the nightmares that occasionally plague him to this day.

I love you, Will, he repeats inwardly, wait for me.

[pathos-logical]

One Picture, a Thousand Words

Roman is a wonder that cannot be put to words, Logan a marvel that ink cannot capture. They try anyway.

Hoo, this sure was a labor of love! Love because I love @bleepblopbloop56​ with all my heart and labor because HOLY HECK WAS THIS HARD TO WRITE. But never mind any of that, because HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my friend!!! I absolutely adore you, and I hope your year is as fantastic as you are!!!

Trigger warnings: Food mention; a joking mention of hallucinations. I think that’s it, but please tell me if I need to add something!!

There are a thousand words Logan could use to describe Roman. He would pull a Shakespeare and invent a thousand more if it meant finding a word that could accurately chronicle the tapestry of Roman, all colorful patches and carefully stitched seams. But Logan is no artist, and his words seem an inadequate medium. 

Beautiful, he thinks and immediately discards. That is too obvious, the truth of it plain to see. Lovely is- better. More intimate. But too soft, perhaps, for Roman’s flame-edged hair, the bronze of his skin and the steel in his spine.

He has tried countless words, none of them quite right. Larger-than-life. (And no, his charisma and magnetic smile absolutely did not excuse the way he didn’t seem to know how to shut up.) Captivating. (Roman did have a way with words, when he wasn’t being an idiot.) Extraordinary. (He was quite the artist and actor.) Brilliant. (Again, Roman was rather intelligent when it came down to it.) Perfect. (Technically impossible. But.)

All those words he longs to say, not one spoken aloud.

(Or- once. Alone in his room, he had tried the shape of mine on his mouth, thought about how it tasted on his lips and imagined the look in Roman’s eyes if he ever dared to say it in front of him. Once, and never again.)

Oh, he wishes. But Logan has always been better with words on the page than to other people.

Well, he thinks, looking down at the piece of paper in his hands, I suppose that’s what this is for. His eyes rove over the paper, skimming over phrases without really taking them in. If he reads it he’ll try to fix it, and at this point there’s too much of his heart in the words for him to change them.

He looks at the last paragraph. It’s the kind of declaration he sneers at in the romance novels Roman so adores, the kind of thing he would’ve sneered at barely years ago. But Roman always did have a way of making him question things he’d taken for postulates- himself included.

I tried, over the course of this letter, to pin down what exactly about you has drawn me so irrevocably into your orbit and left me floundering in unfamiliar space. However, as the length of this might indicate, I soon discovered that I could not.

You know me. It is very rare that I find myself lost for words. But I find myself unable to find the correct words to describe you, or even the correct words. Not because I have run out of things to say, or even because you have left me speechless, but because I could use a whole dictionary of love letters and fail to find the words that capture the way your eyes shine in the light when you laugh at your own jokes, and all the cliches in the world cannot express how I feel about every mundane, breathtaking thing about you.

But despite all that, I have three words for you, Roman, and I suppose there is no better day to deliver them than today (as of the day you receive this, at least).

I love you.

 Roman has a sketchbook no one but him has ever seen.

The drawings are all in pencil, and Roman aches to paint them, to mix his colors until he finds shades that will truly bring them to life. But Logan is a peculiar kind of monochrome, with his navy hair and black polo shirts and countless blue ties, and Roman fears that no amount of paint could do that justice.

It’s undeniable that the warm brown of Logan’s eyes is a color he itches to find in a colored pencil, that the almond of his skin is one he longs to see redden at his touch. But those aren’t the things he really wants to capture when he puts pencil to paper anyway. No, when he draws Logan, his focus is on the subtle gleam that comes to his eyes when he speaks about something he’s passionate about, the curl of his lips when his emotionless facade breaks at some stupid comment Roman made.

Roman wishes he could show Logan the notebook, sometimes, the days when his longing overpowers his surety in the fact that it could never be reciprocated. He imagines coffee-colored eyes looking through the pages with delight, taking in the devotion clear in the meticulous lines. He pictures the hands he’s spent hours perfecting skimming over paper, taking care not to smudge the lead.

(He sees disgust settling in the curve of Logan’s lips and rejection showing in the set of his shoulders, and he pushes away the thought and hides his notebook under his pillow, pretends that he hasn’t memorized the shape of Logan’s smile.)

But he doesn’t think of any of that today. It’s Valentine’s Day, and Roman is dressed for it. He dons his armor that he definitely did not spend a whole two hours deliberating on and sets out the door armed with a kind of desperate false bravado, which is immediately undermined by how he jumps at his roommate Patton’s encouraging “go get ‘im, tiger!” shouted through the walls.

Still scowling at the door behind him, Roman briefly debates how desperate a text will make him sound before deciding, screw it.

Hey, we still on for lunch at Cream of the Cup?

The reply is prompt, as always, and Roman makes a futile attempt at smothering the smile he knows is blossoming across his lips.

>> Of course.

I’ll see you then!

Roman can so do this.

Virgil I can’t do this

>> why not?? youve been planning this for weeks, youll bbe fine

actually, knowing you, orobably months

Jfkdkfkfkfk

it’s

LOGAN

>> im aware, weve only veen best friends for years now

… 

if yoy send a long rambling text ahout how wonderful logan is and how you dont deserve hkm im gonna lose it

roman i swear to god

HE’S JUST SO SMART AND AMAZING AND I’M JUST ME I DON’T DESERVE HIM AND WHAT IF I SCREW THINGS UP BETWEEN US FOREVER AND HE HATES ME OR WHAT IF IT’S AWKWARD I’M OKAY WITH JUST BEING FRIENDS REALLY HE PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN LIKE ME THAT WAY ANYWAY I MEAN WHY WOULD HE

Whoops sorry

>> youre not

I’m not

But

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>> okay roman, listen up, because I’m only gonna say this once. 

first of all, cut it with the self-deprecating crap. one, that’s my thing. and two, I WILL pull a patton and fight you.

stop doubting yourself, it doesn’t suit you

I might not have known you as long as I’ve known logan, but I know 

I can see you typing. shut up.

maybe I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known Logan, but I do know you’re a good guy, and you /clearly/ love him

KSKFKFKKFKGD W H A T

>> yes, everyone knows, no, Logan does not, LET ME FINISH

it means a LOT to him that you actually read the articles he sends you about mars rovers at 3 am and that you don’t tell him he’s annoying for infodumping about alpha centauri or whatever star system he’s planning to go to and that you deal with his hypocrisy about sleep schedules and his general inability to do emotions

also, knowing him for years means I know his type, and trust me, you’re it

and even if by some miracle he doesn’t like you back, you guys are too close to ruin your friendship. okay? so however this ends, I promise you’ll still be friends

>> But

ROMAN

listen, you don’t tune him out when he starts babbling, and he does the same for you. he loves listening to your rants about art theory, he goes to every single one of your shows, and he started learning Spanish just to impress you. yes, he’s learned more phrases than just insults, he’s just been hiding it so he can surprise (aka impress) you later

and roman? he really really does value your friendship. you know that we’ve known each other since forever, so you know I mean it when I say that I’ve NEVER seen him get so close to someone this quickly.

and… you’ve been good for him too, okay? he’s not really the type to get lonely, but that’s just because he gets so tied up in his giant brain he forgets there are people in the outside world to talk to. but it really is important to him that you’re always there for him, and… I can tell you right now that he’s told me how much he appreciates you for it

after all that? I’d say he loves you too, dude. go for it.

you can talk now

Holy heck you DO love me

>> eh

Holy HECK

Wait

Did you turn on autocorrect just to yell at me???

>> Only for you, babe.

Please never do that again

yeaj that was oncredibly unconfortable

now GO GET YOUR MAN

 Roman, for all his theatrics about love at first sight and true love’s kiss, hadn’t mentioned Valentine’s Day plans once in the weeks leading up to it. Then, exactly one week ago, he’d texted Logan with a simple request to meet up at a nearby cafe. Logan knew him too well to miss the possible connotations of such an invitation. But it was entirely possible that this was merely meant to be an outing between two friends. A platonic outing.

A platonic outing where there was barely room to stand, forget sit. Logan curses under his breath. He’d decided for once to not show up fifteen minutes early, as that would only give him more time to second-guess himself, especially as Roman was notorious for being chronically late. But he had failed to account for the obvious fact that, it being both a Saturday and Valentine’s Day, the usually quiet cafe is filled to the brim with couples ordering the heart-themed specials and kissing and generally clogging the air with sweet words and PDA. And no, Logan is not irrationally annoyed about this, he’s just worried he won’t be able to secure an empty table for him and Roman.

But just as the thought crosses his mind, he catches a familiar head of fiery hair at a table against the wall, bent over his phone and apparently completely absorbed by whatever he was looking at. An incredulous “Roman?” slips from his lips unbidden, because- well, Roman had once nearly been late to the first show he was the lead in. But there he was, reserving a table at exactly 12:30 with a croissant in front of him. Maybe today really was a day for miracles.

He watches with amusement as Roman jumps and looks up at the sound of his name. His face lights up as soon as he registers who it is, and Logan abruptly goes from amused to filled with some kind of fluttery warmth he doesn’t want to quantify.

“Logan!” Roman exclaims, hurriedly tucking his phone away. “Hey! How are you?” His smile beams out like the sun, but it dims upon Logan’s next words.

“Not well, unfortunately,” Logan informs him gravely. “I fear I have been having severe auditory and visual hallucinations. For example, I am currently experiencing one so vivid that I believe I am conversing with a friend in a cafe when I know that there is no chance of him being here yet.” Maybe Logan should feel bad about the way Roman’s expression morphs from worry to alarm to overblown outrage, but the challenging gleam in his eyes arrests him as surely as that of of Roman’s heart-shaped studs, and he can’t bring himself to regret it.

“Hey, I’m not always late!” he protests so loudly several patrons turn to look at him, perhaps expecting a scene.

Logan can’t help the smirk that creeps across his face as he slides into the seat opposite Roman, surreptitiously tucking a navy blue folder besides him. Thank goodness for Roman being typically Roman and reserving a booth that could seat six for a party of two. “Roman. Once Virgil and I deliberately told you to meet up an hour after we were actually supposed to meet so that when you inevitably showed up late, it would only be by five minutes rather than fifty. And the very idea that you could be on time for something went so flagrantly against the laws of the universe that the universe struck back by making your car break down, and you missed the meeting entirely.”

“Is that what happened?” Roman asks, looking so genuinely gobsmacked that Logan can’t help the snicker that escapes him. Roman’s expression flips to one of self-satisfaction, and Logan tries to ignore the little burst of fondness in his chest at the sight. Even if the rest of today goes horribly, at least he can savor this easy banter between them.

And banter they do, debating over whether Logan’s physics professor or Roman’s marketing professor is more inept before commiserating over the “perpetual hell week” that is college. They bounce from the disappointing latest installment of one of Roman’s favorite series to a terrible documentary on aliens Logan had found on a “science” channel (“It’s called a having a basic grasp of eighth-grade geometry, Roman- which, unlike this nine-thousand year old civilization, these morons have clearly never achieved!”) to every little thing in between, their food forgotten in front of them.

It’s nothing special, technically- they’ve been friends for years now, and they often have talks about everything and nothing. But today Logan can convince himself that an electric current is charging the air between them, flushing Roman’s cheeks and lighting up his eyes as Logan is drawn in, helpless against his magnetism.

There’s no decisive moment where Logan thinks, this is it. There’s just Roman, his laughter like bells in the breeze, and Logan, gazing at him like he’d put the stars in the sky.

“Roman,” he says. That’s it- Roman.

Roman is still giggling at his rendition of the student who’d spilled their coffee on the drama professor on the first day, but he sobers at whatever look is on Logan’s face. “Hey- you good, Lo?”

The nickname catches at something in Logan’s chest, pulls it open so the next words come just a little harder, just a little easier. “Roman,” he says again, looking down. “I do not wish to… ruin the mood, but I have something to confess.”

(He’s looking down, so he misses the way Roman jumps at the last word.)

But when he meets Roman’s eyes, open and curious, Logan’s confidence abandons him. He exhales slowly in an attempt to regain some of the feeling from before, like the memory of Roman’s voice will fortify his. But all that comes out is: “I wrote- would you-” 

Logan’s throat fails him entirely, something a little like dread and a little like hope clogging it up. Without another word, he slides the folder he had kept tucked at his side to Roman. When Roman raises a curious eyebrow, Logan simply smiles- a quick, brittle thing- and motions for him to open it.

Earlier, the noise in the cafe had distracted Logan, had made him frown when it rose over Roman’s voice. But suddenly it all fades into the background, the chatter of voices and clatter of spoons receding in favor of the thwip of the folder opening, the little breath Roman takes when he reads the first two words.

Dimly, Logan thinks he must have used up all his words in the letter. His fingers lay still at his sides, mind is utterly blank as he watches Roman read it. But his heart is pounding loud enough that for an absurd second, he’s sure Roman can hear it in the sudden quiet.

Logan waits for a minute, maybe five. He thinks he’d wait for Roman forever if he asked. But Roman doesn’t make him wait that long, because when he looks up his eyes are wet with tears, and when Logan uselessly opens his mouth- to do what? His voice certainly hasn’t returned- Roman lurches forward, clumsy in a way Logan has never known him, and seals their lips with a kiss.

And when they finally draw apart, Logan thinks he’s regained his words (or maybe just these three), because they force themselves out of his lips like they’ve been waiting to do so since Logan said Roman’s name. And Roman, his face a study in the kind of shock and delight that can only come from a thought-to-be-hopeless dream coming true, returns them.