#what are the odds they just legit got mile drunk for this

[bifca]

#this is the Kinn and Chay moment we deserve#Chay being a protective lil bro#(until he gets distracted by the guitar 😂)#Kinn winning over everyone in Porsche's inner circle#just them having a good carefree time at the beach bar#during Kinn and Porsche's honeymoon of course#love that for them

Kinn & Chay's chaotic in-law bonding session

[kirayaykimura]

a sailor moon au

Sometimes Obi blacked out. Large swaths of the night completely missing. When he would jokingly mention this to strangers in bars to crowdsource if this was normal or Something To Be Worried About, he inevitably got the same three responses: me too, dude, that’s called sleeping; was it tequila, because same; and oh my god, please see a doctor. 

That last suggestion was right out. Obi didn’t exactly have health insurance at the moment. Insurance was really fucking expensive when you weren’t a student and worked odd jobs under the table (but if the IRS asked, he was an absolutely legit freelancer). Getting too drunk would have been a possibility if he ever allowed himself more than one drink and never drank alone. 

The most probable answer was that he was sleepwalking, but it still didn’t feel right. He was pretty sure sleepwalkers didn’t wake up with cuts and bruises and a deep ache in their muscles like they’d just run for miles. And also gotten into a bar fight. 

He stretched some of the soreness away as he waited for his large, too-expensive coffee at some hipster cafe downtown. He noticed a girl sitting in front of her laptop staring at him at one of the nearby tables and shot her a wink as he lowered his arms. He grinned when she blushed furiously and began typing what he could only assume was nonsense, judging by the speed and ferocity of her fingers on the keyboard. 

The delight he’d felt at making a cute stranger blush faded as he grabbed his coffee from the bar and slipped out into the chilly November morning. A light drizzle settled on his hair and shoulders like a fine dew, and Obi regretted every decision that had led to this moment. He should have stayed in bed. 

Okay, for real this time. He was getting out of this line of work. He’d lie his way into some cushy office job where he wouldn’t have to risk getting pneumonia to intimidate perfectly innocent strangers. He’d been planning this for a while now, and his resolve only grew when he started having his blackouts. If he was dying, he wanted to go out proving he could be better than all the shady shit he’d been doing since he was old enough to do it. 

But for now: one last job for one last client. It was simple enough. Wistaria, Seiran, and Bergatt wanted to expand their law offices. They’d managed to buy up an entire city block except for one small holdout. He was supposed to go in, spook the owner a little about it being a dangerous part of town, come back at night to break a few windows, and then break a few more until they decided to pack up shop. It wasn’t very nice, but it was far from the worst thing he’d ever done. 

A small bell tinkled overhead as he let himself into the Happy Daisy Here Again. His eyes scanned the empty store. Well, empty when it came to people. The place was practically overflowing with plants. 

“I’m sorry,” a woman’s voice came from the back. “We’re not open yet.” 

Said woman, presumably, poked her head out of a door behind the counter a moment later. Her long hair was vibrantly red against all the green in the room. Obi gave her his most charming smile and said, “No, I’m sorry to barge in like this. You see, it’s raining out and I was hoping to take shelter. Just for a little bit.” He ran a hand through his hair to knock off some droplets for extra effect. 

It seemed to work. She immediately softened and said, “Of course. Come on in.”

“Thank you, Miss.” 

“Shirayuki,” she corrected, leaving the back room to take up residence behind the counter. 

“Miss Shirayuki, then.”

He made his way over to the absurdly large plant in the corner of the room that had fascinated him since he’d entered the store. 

“What on earth is this?” he asked, lightly running a finger along one of the leaves. Fronds? 

“That is a large fiddle-leaf fig tree.” Shirayuki’s smile was evident even though he wasn’t looking at her. She was proud of this plant. He made a mental note to avoid it when he ransacked the place later. 

“That’s quite a mouthful,” he said. “Have you ever thought of giving it a nickname?” 

“Like what?” 

“Well.” He eyed the plant. “It’s huge. How about Big Fig. Fat Fig gives you the alliteration, though.” 

“If you’re going to nickname my plants, I’d rather you didn’t give them body image issues.” 

Obi grinned over at her, delighted. Very few people in the world were willing to play along with him. 

“You should think of something nicer,” she said. 

“Nicer, huh? What would be nice to you?” 

She tilted her head, studying the fig tree for a moment, then said, “Fred.” Raising her eyes to meet his, she said, “I liked your alliteration idea.” 

Oh no. He was in trouble. 

Obi cleared his throat, told himself to focus on the plan, and asked, “So what made you open up a shop here? It’s not exactly a great part of town, you know.” 

“I think I’ll be okay,” she said. Her voice was laced with humor he didn’t understand. It kind of felt like she was laughing at him. That was certainly not the reaction he was expecting, but he supposed he shouldn’t have been too surprised. If she was easily spooked or intimidated, Haruka wouldn’t have had to resort to hiring him. 

“Still,” he pushed on, “you should be careful. There have been a lot of wild attacks around the city recently.” 

“Yeah.” All traces of amusement were gone. In its place were confusion and concern and just a hint of sadness. Her gaze drifted to the street outside, clearly lost in thought. 

He should leave it. It wasn’t his job to get involved. Kind of the opposite, in fact. Still, he couldn’t help but ask, “Are you alright, Miss Shirayuki?” 

“Oh.” She blinked at him like she’d just remembered he was there. She shot him a half-hearted smile. “Yes. I’m fine. Sorry about that.” 

“That’s alright,” he said. He glanced over his shoulder out the window where the sun was just starting to peek out from behind the clouds. Guess his excuse for being there was drying up with the rain. Well, he’d done what he’d come in to do. Best to get out now before she had more time to commit his face to memory.  

“Looks like I should get going,” he said, making his way back to the front door. “Thanks again for lending me a place to dry off.” 

“Any time,” she said warmly. “I mean it. Come back. I’ll give you a good discount on…” she trailed off and eyed him speculatively. “A spider plant.” 

“Oh yeah?” he asked, half-way outside already. “Why’s that?” 

“Some people believe they bring good luck. Getting caught in the rain makes me think you could use a little luck.” 

Despite the newly emerged sun, the air outside Shirayuki’s shop had never felt more bitter.  

***

Sometimes Tuxedo Mask blacked out. Large swaths of the night completely missing. One minute he’d be fighting alongside Sailor Moon and the other guardians in one area of the city, the next minute he’d be in a completely different part of the city with only a gut feeling telling him it was a completely different day, too. 

The crowbar was new, though. 

The ridges of the crowbar dug into his palm as he held it tight. He’d been afraid to let it go during his transformation. What if he’d let it fly when he’d flung out a dramatic arm to give his magical suit room to wrap around his upper body? Someone could have gotten hurt, or it could have crashed through the wrong storefront. 

Wait. Back up. There was a wrong storefront? And he transformed? 

He’d become very accustomed to feeling like the answer to something huge was on the tip of his tongue, but it never got any less frustrating. His life right now was kind of one big question mark. He remembered nothing before a year ago. Hell, the only reason he knew he was called Tuxedo Mask and that he was in his late 20’s was because of a wanted poster he’d seen plastered on a billboard he’d passed on the way to help the guardians out one night. (Apparently he was also 6’1” and considered armed and dangerous. He wasn’t going to lie, that info did add a bit of a swagger to his entrance that night. The effect had been ruined by getting his ass handed to him by Kazuki, but he was choosing not to focus on that part.)

The only thing he knew about his life was that he needed to find the Moon Princess. The very first memory he could recall having was of a woman’s voice echoing through his mind saying, “Find her!” He could hear it so clearly it was as if she’d said it in his ear and then disappeared between one breath and the next. 

The rest of it was innate. Just as he knew how to breathe without thinking about it, he also knew how to leap much higher and farther than any normal human should be able to, how to throw roses with so much force they could wedge themselves into concrete, and that the her the woman had told him to find was the Moon Princess. 

What he would do when he found her, he didn’t know. He hoped she would be able to fill in the (many, considerable) gaps in his memory, but mostly he just had this bone-deep sense that everything would be okay once she appeared. 

A scream echoed through the empty streets, distracting him from his thoughts. The scream was followed by a voice he knew very well. She’d been his tentative ally more nights than not and a real pain of a rival for the rainbow crystals.

“Hey!” he heard Sailor Moon shout. “Kidnapping a young woman in love for your own personal harem is unforgivable.” 

“Not to mention gross,” Sailor Mercury said. Her quiet, deadpan delivery floated to him from around the corner to his right. He took off in a light jog to join the fray, happy he didn’t have to run half-way across the city tonight.

Sure enough, he found Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury standing in the middle of the street. They were, as always, very easy to spot. Well, Sailor Moon was. The vibrant red hair beneath her bright gold tiara stood out against the crisp white of her leotard. Sailor Mercury’s blonde bob was pretty common in comparison, but she had something of a sheen to her. It was the same with all the guardians, really. His eyes were drawn to them. Something about the air around them was just brighter somehow. 

They hadn’t noticed him round the corner, but that was fine. They should stay focused on the man in front of them. He was someone Tuxedo Mask had never seen before. It looked like The Claw had sent in a new henchman to pick up where Mihaya had left off. This new guy marked the fourth person The Claw had sent after the Rainbow Crystals. It appeared there was a never-ending legion of people ready and willing to die for their cause. You know, whatever it was. All the lackeys sort of had their own things going on. It was kind of confusing to keep up with. And also he didn’t care about any of them.    

The new guy supported a young woman leaning so heavily against him that she couldn’t be anything but unconscious. Unfortunate for her, of course, but probably for the best in the grand scheme of things. People tended to freak out when the monsters arrived.

“Ah, but who will take her place?” Backup Lackey asked loftily. “Once I collect her Rainbow Crystal, I’m not opposed to letting her go. If you took her place, Sailor Moon.” 

“Gross,” Sailor Mercury repeated at the same time another voice asked, “Who are you?” 

Tuxedo Mask turned to see Sailor Mars jog down the street towards them, his red skirt flapping high against his hairy thighs. (The first time he’d transformed into Sailor Mars, he’d asked, “Why am I in a skirt? And heels?” The other girls looked down at their own skirts in different colors. Sailor Moon shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I guess it’s just the uniform. Sorry about that.” Sailor Mercury had patted him firmly on the shoulder and said, “Looks good on you, though.”) 

Mars nodded at Tuxedo Mask before stopping by Mercury’s side. He asked, “Seriously, who is this guy? He new?” 

“Looks like it,” Mercury said. 

“I am Raj Shenazard, Prince of Evil! And downtown Cleveland.” 

“Raji-who now?” Mars asked. 

“Raj Shenazard, Prince of Evil!” Raj snapped. “You will remember my name as the man who collected all the crystals out from under your noses.” 

He placed a hand over the young woman’s shoulder and a faint glow arose between his hand and her skin. Tuxedo Mask watched as he slowly drew an orange crystal out of the woman. Watched Raj’s fingers close around the crystal. Stood by while Raj dropped the woman and extended a hand to Sailor Moon. 

“Come, Sailor Moon. We will-” 

Raj never got the chance to finish his thought because Tuxedo Mask chucked the crowbar he was still holding at Raj’s head. 

“Ow!” Raj yelped, sounding more offended than pained. “That hurt.” 

“Sorry.” Tuxedo Mask smiled innocently. “It slipped.” 

“Tuxedo Mask!” Sailor Moon whipped around, clearly surprised but happy to see him. “You’re here!” 

How unfair that the cute girl who made him feel welcome and wanted was also sort of his enemy. They were both after the Rainbow Crystals, after all. 

Trampling over his confused feelings, Raj said, “You’ll pay for that, you brute.”

Sure he would. 

Raj snapped his fingers twice and a man materialized beside him. He pointed at Tuxedo Mask and said, “Sakaki. Kill that man.” 

“Certainly, sir,” Sakaki said. 

A man? That was who was supposed to take on Tuxedo Mask? He knew the Great Prince of People who Couldn’t Dodge a Crowbar was new, but a normal dude was going to be a little too easy to handle. But then Sakaki unzipped the skin on his face to reveal a frankly upsetting mass of tentacles and teeth and Tuxedo Mask was forced to admit he might have been wrong. 

“You should zip that back up, buddy,” Tuxedo Mask said as he reached for a rose in his breast pocket. He was ready to throw as many as it took to keep whatever the hell that thing was as far away from him as he could. 

Sailor Moon stepped forward before he could finish aiming, arms flung out wide, and said, “No! Don’t hurt him.” 

Everyone froze. Tuxedo Mask had a rose held high, poised to strike. Sakaki was one step into a sprint at Tuxedo Mask. Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars were halfway into their poses to summon whatever magic they had at their disposal. He didn’t know about anyone else, but he wasn’t exactly positive who she was protecting. Sailor Moon tended to go rogue when it came to enemies. Something about seeing the good in people. 

But, no. Her back was to him. She was probably telling Raj and Sakaki to spare him and the other guardians.  

“If I go with you, will you let them all go free?” Sailor Moon asked. She took a few steps towards Raj to prove she meant to go with him. 

“Of course, my dear,” Raj said, sounding deeply insincere. “Whatever you want.” 

The guardians and Tuxedo Mask immediately protested, all shouting a variation of, “This is a terrible plan,” at her, but she simply turned to smile back at them. 

“It’s cool, guys,” she said. “I’ve got it all under cont-” 

Raj closed the gap between them and yanked her back against him by her hair. So, yeah. He needed to die immediately. 

Tuxedo Mask threw a rose at Raj that Sakaki deflected by, unfortunately, clamping down on it with his teeth-enticles. It kind of put a damper on his plan of hurling sharp flowers at the thing’s gaping maw until it bled out internally. 

Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars exchanged a brief glance before they set their sights on Sakaki and Raj. Mercury pelted Sakaki with water that froze his feet to the road below. With that threat neutralized for the moment, he could finally toss a rose at Raj. Except he found he didn’t have a clear shot. Raj was keeping Sailor Moon in front of him as a shield with a hand in her hair. All Tuxedo Mask could see clearly was his forehead and a little bit of shoulder. There was too much of a possibility of Sailor Moon by accident. He was torn between frustration and fascination. How had the man made himself small enough to fit behind such a tiny girl? 

Sailor Mars seemed to come to the same conclusion. He let the fireball at the tips of his fingers die out with a soft pop. 

“You have such beautiful and useful hair, Sailor Moon,” Raj crooned. “You will make a lovely concubine.” 

“Well, if you like it so much, you can have it.” She took her tiara off her forehead, turned it into a disc, and sliced through her hair just above where Raj was holding it. She dove out of the way as the guardians and Tuxedo Mask all turned on Raj at once, suddenly clear to throw everything they had at him. 

“That’s not good,” Raj said a second before he and Sakaki disappeared with two snaps. In his wake was a damp, smoking crater with a rose directly in the center of it. They must have missed him by milliseconds. 

“Sailor Moon, are you alright?” Sailor Mercury asked as Sailor Mars walked over to help her stand.

“I’m fine.” She shot the guardians a sunny smile and brushed off the dirt and pebbles that had stuck to her skin when she dove to the ground. “Thank you.” 

Well, that was that. A new and bizarrely incompetent Claw henchman to deal with and one less crystal in the world. That left only two of the seven unaccounted for, and he only had one so far. It was hard not to feel a little put out by the whole situation. Maybe he should start thinking of ways to steal the crystals from The Claw instead of looking for new ones. 

“Tuxedo Mask,” Sailor Moon said. “Wait right there please.” 

He did as she asked, trying not to notice the way her skirt swished around her hips as she made her way to him. Unfortunately, that meant keeping his gaze solidly above the collar bone, which meant he had a handful of seconds to fixate on the jagged, frayed edges of her much-shorter hair. 

“I’m sorry you had to do that,” he told her. His fingers twitched with the urge to reach out and run his fingers along the singed ends, but she wasn’t his to touch without asking first so he kept his hands at his sides. 

“It’s just hair,” she said, sounding completely unbothered by the whole thing. “It’ll grow back.” 

She glanced over her shoulder at the other guardians, who were helping the young woman Raj had kidnapped earlier sit up. They were both definitely still keeping a distrustful eye on him, though, which was good. They should.   

“Well,” Tuxedo Mask said after a long pause, “I should get going. It looks like you and your friends have things covered here.” 

“Wait! I wanted to thank you for a job well done.” She held out her hand like she wanted to shake his, but she had her fingers curled into fists. He was a magical amnesiac who fought monsters, but this was definitely up there on weird things to happen to him. 

“Uh,” he said, confused but willing to roll with it, “you’re welcome?” 

He took her fist in his hand to shake and felt something small and hard drop into his palm when she unfurled her fingers. Was that what he thought it was? 

“I think we gained something pretty valuable from Raj tonight,” she said, confirming his thoughts. Then she added, “Knowledge and experience.” 

Ah. So it was a secret that she had somehow managed to snag the Rainbow Crystal from Raj while he had her in his grasp, and it was definitely a secret that she was giving it to him. He knew the others wouldn’t be too pleased about it. The question was why? They both wanted all seven crystals. Why would she just give one away? 

“I’m happy we can trust you to have our backs,” she said. She put a subtle emphasis on the word trust, which he assumed meant she was trusting him with the crystal. Bad move, babe. He was only in this for himself. Hadn’t he made that clear already? 

“I was a little worried the last time we talked,” she continued. “But I’m happy to see you came back. So thank you.” 

The last time they’d talked - well, as far as he could remember - they’d discovered they both wanted the Rainbow Crystals for the same reason: they were both searching for the Moon Princess. The only difference was, her cat told her to do it while he felt a deep inner drive pushing him towards his goal. He felt like he won the Magical Mission Olympics, and he could only assume from the weird code she was speaking in that she’d come to agree. 

“I will have another handshake waiting for you the next time we meet,” Sailor Moon said meaningfully. 

He had no idea what to do with this trust she was putting in him. Didn’t she know how unworthy he was of it? The soft smile she gave him said no, she didn’t realize at all what a terrible person he was. What he would do, who he would betray, to get what he wanted.

“Hey,” Sailor Mercury called out, breaking the moment. “Can you be weird some other time? I think this girl needs a hospital.” 

He finally broke her hold and pulled the crystal into the folds of his cape. Sailor Moon turned to her friends and the stranger still passed out on Sailor Mars’s back. 

“Right.” Sailor Moon nodded. With one last look at Tuxedo Mask, she asked, “Will we see you around?” 

She sort of had to. She still had one more Rainbow Crystal to give him. But, loathe as he was to admit it even to himself, he’d grown sort of fond of this weird group of people and their Sisyphean fight against The Claw. He especially liked listening to Sailor Moon lecture bad men who weren’t him. Her speeches were absolutely awful. It was very entertaining. His priority was still to collect the crystals and find the princess, but he could have a little fun along the way. As a treat. 

“Trust me,” he said, purposefully echoing her earlier words to get his point across, “I’ll be there.” 

[themonkeycabal]

WandaVision Spoilers

Wherein I watch it and have a few comments, but no super deep thoughts. Obviously there are spoilers. 

I'm excited for some fresh Marvel content. It feels like it's been a hundred years. Damn it, 2020.

The only thing I know about WandaVision are the two trailers, and that's it.

Oh, they gave us two episodes right away. Thanks, Disney! Let's see what happens.

Episode 1:

lol, the theme song. And oh man, a laugh track.

So, very Bewitched meets Dick Van Dyke Show right off the bat.

"My wife and her flying saucers." Har har har.

Good set design. Very period. They raided every prop house in a hundred miles.

Hey so, did Bettany and Olsen study 50s-60s sitcoms and the awkward stilted dialogue and physical staging? (Not a knock on them, it's like, throwing me back to all the shows in syndication that I never wanted to watch when I was home sick from school or something, and yet, it was all the was on until cartoons later. Yes, I'm old enough to remember life before ubiquitous cable/satellite tv. Though, we were also poor and late to jump on the cable train.)

Legit question, do people still play bridge? My grandparents had a bridge set growing up, but honestly I never remember anybody ever playing it. My mom was more likely to play Dealer McDope. Yes, that was a real game. My parents were hippies and ran a head shop when I was very little. My formative influences were a little ... something.

"That embarrassing display of beatnik enthusiasm." "I wore a turtleneck." Okay, that was good and deserved a better punch from the laugh track, guys!

I like “My wife’s European” from the guy with the accent. lol

"You move at the speed of sound, and I can make a pen float through the air. Who needs to abbreviate?" Heh.

Honestly, while I appreciate the dedication to the conventions of 60s sitcoms, most 60s sitcoms were not very good (full disclosure, though, I don't really like sitcoms anyway, so I’m probably biased), and while the sitcom awkward setup was very on brand, it's also awkward in a way I don't like. Embarrassing humor hurts me in my brain and my soul. 12 minutes in and I'm sure somebody needs to get to a point here. 

I don't meant to sound impatient, but, really, this was not a TV era I ever particularly enjoyed. I did not love Lucy. Shocking, I know, but there, I said it. The Honeymooners? More like the Honeysnoozers, amiright? There were some things that survived in syndication for far, far too long. But, I digress …

I like Vision trying to figure out what exactly he does for a living. The bits of confusion are all good, but the hamming it up is not something I mostly care for. I acknowledge this is a matter of personal taste, and is no commentary on the acting, because honestly, they’re managing it pretty much spot on. 

The sing along. This is all so awkward. I know it's meant to be, but man.

Yay a strange turn. A turn of strangeness. Good strangeness. I think maybe if they layered some of that in a little more, Wanda and Vision having these blank spots, and not made me suffer through so much sitcomness, I would have liked this episode a little better. Again, a+ follow through on the tropes, but I didn't want to really watch a 60s sitcom with one minute of weird. Needed More Weird!

Good looking end credits.

Episode 2:

Okay, let's move things along. Please don't make me watch another full episode of sitcom with a smattering of strange.

Oh no, I can't skip the 'previously on' of the episode that I just watched 30 seconds ago. Disney! Fix that!

Oh no times two, an awkward sitcom scene. Though, we've moved up more firmly into the mid-60s. So, progress.

Lol, okay, the animated opening credits are excellent. Really quality. Somebody gif those stat!

Man, do they have a different set every episode? I don't mean the set dec, but actual set layouts. That's not a little thing. It's just a three room setup, but still.

Phew, only had to wait about 5 minutes for some 'odd' this time. A toy helicopter in color. Hey, remember Pleasantville? That was a good movie. I haven't seen that in ages.

"Can I give you a bit of friendly advice?" "Is it about the way I'm dressed?" "Yes, but it's too late for that." Heh. Agnes is a delight.

Dottie — oh hi Emma Caulfield! I haven't seen her in forever.

Man, I just had crazy deja vu, during this awkward neighborhood watch scene, but then I remembered, I did actually see this clip before … somewhere? Wait, did I? Now I'm doubting myself. Somebody tell me they did release a bit of that clip at some point. I don’t think it was in either of the trailers. So weird. 

Oh, no, gum is gumming up Vision's works. Har Har.

Weirdness! The radio is talking to Wanda! "Who's doing this to you, Wanda?" Good weirdness. Creepy weirdness. I like.

Hydra was in the watch business, was it? Well, I guess everybody needs a day job. I mean, Howard Stark made toasters. Are these ads a clue? Hmmm. 

Oh, no, Vision with his gummed up works is going to ruin the talent show that is the biggest fundraiser of the year for the children! Gum apparently makes him drunk?

The talent show is funny. But, it's a little too long. 

"Is that how mirrors work?" lol.

"That really gummed up my works, didn't it?" That joke crashed to earth like 12 minutes ago, my guy.

Oh noes, Wanda is suddenly and mysteriously pregnant. Followed by strange banging and and a creepy beekeeper crawling out of the sewers. As happens in the suburbs so often. No, though, it's good creepy. Then she rewinds to a more pleasant moment. And we go to color.

Okay, are we going outside the tv world? Oh, alas, we’re not. How are we at end credits with 7 mins left? Geez, come on. So short, these episodes.

So, is Wanda imagining a tv world where Vision is alive? Or trapped by some outside forces trying to keep her docile in a perfect sitcom world where Vision is alive? Did Sokovia also suffer through cheaply acquired runs of American sitcoms in syndication during Wanda's childhood? Is the mind stone somehow messing with them both? So many questions. Very little to go on at this point, but so far this feels more heavily Wanda’s POV than Vision’s.

Anyway, I mostly liked it, but I also feel like it was slow to get to a point. This is a 9 episode series, and they burned two with drips and drops of maybe something weird is happening. I mean, we know something weird is happening, but 80% of this was a lot of sitcom filler. I get we needed set up, but these episodes needed to move things along a bit tightly. I guess we'll see how this plays out, but so far I'm a little let down. Not much happened. And the episodes are short, so I don't feel super engaged yet.

I guess my thing is, that while I get wanting to play in the tropes, I also think they’re too attached to trying to really faithfully recreate them, and as a result, so far, they’re not really telling their own story within them. But, it is only the first two episodes so far. We’ve got time and I don’t mean to be harsh. 

[kusunogatari]

[ ObiRyū October | Day Thirteen | Nuclear ] [ @abyssaldespair ] [ Uchiha Obito, Suigin Ryū, Hatake Kakashi ] [ Verse: In the Fallout ] [ Vulgarity, gun, gore ]

[ Previous ] [ Next ]

“Hey!”

Glancing up from his cards, Obito scowls. “Kinda in the middle of something here.” And by ‘something’, he means a game of poker. He’s in a good position, and he really doesn’t want to be interrupted. If he can win the pot, he’ll get away with far more than he first put in.

“Fine, just...hurry up, will you? I’ve got news.”

“Yeah yeah” Obito replies blithely, adjusting his hand. “It can wait.”

Rolling his remaining eye, Kakashi turns to the barkeeper. “Whiskey.” Might as well do something in the interim. He sits backward on his stool, watching the game. Obito bets the rest of his cash, earning uncertain glances from the other three players. And then one by one, they all fold.

Grinning and deepening the scars on his face, Obito slaps down his cards. “Straight flush, bitches! Fork it over!”

Kakashi gives a slow shake of his head.

With a great deal of grumbling, they all shove the pot to Obito, who rakes it in greedily. “Pleasure, gentlemen. Until next time.” Pocketing his winnings, he sits beside Kakashi just as the bottle is delivered. “Guess this is on me!”

“Wonderful. Now can you give me five minutes to explain something to you?”

“Depends on if I get drunk in five minutes,” is Obito’s counter, knocking back a shot.

“Just...don’t get too hasty. All right?”

The Uchiha gives his friend a look. “The hell’s got you so worked up?”

“A new place to plunder, that’s what. Word is, it hasn’t been touched yet. And you know what that means.”

Pouring another shot, Obito slows. “...what is it?”

“Some old lab. Pre-war. Supposedly a lot of good tech certain folks would be more than happy to get their hands on. There’s a building on the surface that’s been hit, but some old wanderer I met tells me the real load is underneath, in the actual lab no one’s bothered to look for.”

“And if it’s some well-kept secret, how’d this old geezer know about it?” Obito counters, looking skeptical as he knocks back another shot.

“He’s a loner. Found it by accident, but there’s...complications. He couldn’t do much with it, so he sold me the info.”

Immediately, Obito deadpans. “...so you took the word of some crackpot old man about a secret lab and paid him for it? Kakashi, that is the stupidest fucking -!”

“Keep your voice down!” the Hatake hisses, shoving Obito’s head toward the counter and earning a grunt. “I already scoped it out before I came here. Seems pretty damn legit to me. If we can find even a few pieces of tech -?”

“I don’t want tech,” Obito spits. “I want cash, Kakashi!”

“Then you sell the tech for it, you dumbass! Not everything is a quick cash grab! Sometimes you have to work for it, huh? Think about it. This stuff is pre-war - undamaged by any nuclear fallout or blasts. Just sitting there. There are plenty of people who would die to have it.”

“Which means finding them, first! You wanna haul all that junk around before you have a buyer?”

“The hell do you think caches are for, huh? Why is every conversation I have with you an argument...why are we even partners?”

“I ask myself the same thing!”

The pair reach a deadlock, glowering at each other.

“...let’s just check it out. If you’re not happy with it, fine. But I want to at least see if we can turn a profit on anything. Because your gambling isn’t always so fruitful.”

“And neither is your spending money on supposed tips. But yeah, sure, let’s go.” Obito slaps the money for the whiskey on the table, taking the rest of the bottle with him.

He might need it.

Outside the dusty bar in the remnants of a town, they start walking, Kakashi pulling out a worn map. “It’s right out here, a few miles out.”

“Won’t it be dark by the time we get there?”

“We’ll just camp in what’s left of the building. Then we’ll have a full day to check things out.”

“More like a full day to waste…”

“I heard that.”

“Good!”

The rest of the walk is done in a stony silence, neither of them willing to concede any ground. And as the sun sets, the lab looms up atop a hill. All of the windows are smashed, part of the right side collapsed.

“Looks like a shitshow,” Obito remarks, earning a sigh from his companion. “Something this obvious has surely been picked clean.”

“On the surface, sure. But it seems no one ever realized there was more underground.”

“And how did some random old man figure this out?”

“Because he actually sat and read the documents in this place. Realized there was more to it. You think anyone else is going to care about that kind of thing?”

“I know I wouldn’t.”

Kakashi gives a brief lift of his arms in defeat. “...yeah well, exactly.”

“So he didn’t have the physical means to take advantage, or…?”

“According to him, it was ‘too stressful’. Which, to be fair, could mean...a number of things. There might be lingering security down there. Structure might be faulty. Flooded. No idea until we look.”

Obito grumbles. “When are you gonna learn that people being vague rarely means good things?”

“Well after last week, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“Hey, I’m making up for last week!”

“And until you do, we’re giving this a shot.”

Heaving a sigh, the Uchiha decides to just play along, moving to gather some broken wood to get a fire going. The sooner he lets Kakashi play this out, the sooner they can get moving again. The wasteland is vast, and opportunities can easily pass one by. And he’d prefer something a bit more exciting than rummaging around some old science junk.

Once they cook some of their rations and find dry, level places to unfurl their bedrolls, the pair of them hunker down for the night.

And like every day since the bombs fell, the sun rises again, scorching the Earth’s devastated surface.

By the time Obito rises, Kakashi’s already been up, examining some documents with his one remaining eye. “You’re up early. Now I know you’re serious.”

“No day like the present,” Kakashi rebukes. “Seems they were working on some kind of DNA...stuff. I dunno, I’m not a scientist.”

“Obviously. Which is why this stuff is just money to you, not of actual interest.”

“And which is why you shouldn’t complain, because money is money. Now help me find the way down.”

“You haven’t found it yet?!”

“No! I found the documents. Which confirm there’s something under this building. The only question is where, specifically.”

“...I’m gonna punch you,” Obito mutters. “Can’t we just take a sledgehammer to the floor?”

“Do you have a sledgehammer?”

“...no.”

“Then the answer is no. Come on, it can’t be that hard.”

They spread out, looking for any manner of descent. Obito checks doors in search of an elevator shaft, Kakashi attempting to find stairs.

In the end, it’s Kakashi who’s successful.

“Over here!”

Obito closes the gap, revealing Kakashi pointing to a button. “...and? This place obviously doesn’t have any pow-”

With a bop of the end of his closed fist, Kakashi pushes the button.

A grating whine sounds, and the floor before them quivers. Then slowly, it slides back beneath the floor beyond it, revealing...stairs.

“...what the hell…?”

“Weird lab, weird stairs, weird power,” Kakashi replies with a shrug. “Look, there’s even lights. How convenient.”

“And you wanna go down there?!”

“Yes, yes I do. Stay up here if you want, you big baby. We’ve been in shadier places before and you’ve been fine.”

“Shady people I can handle,” Obito retorts, following as Kakashi begins to descend. “It’s shady stuff that weirds me out. You can’t just kill shady stuff.”

“You can break it. Same difference.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it!”

Down and down they descend, the staircase having switchbacks every ten feet down or so. Obito watches their surroundings suspiciously. The air is cool and pleasant, which...is odd. No dust, no smoke, and perhaps even slightly humid. Nothing like the stale, dry air above.

After who knows how many flights...they reach a door.

Kakashi presses an ear to it, listening. “...don’t hear anything.”

“It better not be locked.”

Testing the knob, Kakashi feels it turn in his grip. “...seems not.” Just in case, he draws a pistol from his hip. Obito, in tandem, takes out his trusted machete.

Inside...it’s like another world. Clean, immaculate, and almost entirely made of metal. Desks are neatly arranged, with all manners of equipment seemingly left just as they were before the war.

“...wow,” Obito has to offer, tone breathy in amazement. “This is…”

“Yeah. Never seen anything like it.” Approaching one of the desks, Kakashi finds more documents. “...‘genetic enhancement and manipulation’. That sounds...ominous.”

Obito, in the meantime, works his way further in. Computers, diagnostic equipment, and who knows what else is everywhere, pristine and spotless. It almost freaks him out. Opening another door, his face pales.

“...uh...Kakashi…?”

“Hm?”

“...you need to see this.”

Gun still drawn, Kakashi approaches, trying to look over Obito’s shoulder. “What?”

Wordlessly, Obito steps inside, pushing the door open further and letting his partner past him.

It’s a long, narrow room. In the middle is more tech neither of them could begin to name, but...it looks serious. A few metal tables the length of a person stand nearby. And along the other three walls are a series of glass tubes filled with an off-green liquid. Within them...are rotting bodies.

“...Christ,” Kakashi can’t help but mutter. “Looks like these all got left behind.”

Obito, only half listening, works his way in. “...is it just me, or...does it get less bad the further you go…?”

“What?”

“Look.” He points. While the first few tubes are nothing but cloudy liquid with skeletons and deteriorated flesh, he’s right. The decomposition seems less and less the more they circle around. At the top of the tubes, screens are empty of power, clearly drained over time. Until -

“Oh shit!”

The very. Last. Tube. Above it, the panel flashes red in warning. Power is almost completely drained. But within the tank, seemingly in some kind of suspended animation...is a person.

Slightly curled into a fetal position the body - seemingly female - floats weightlessly in the fluid. A series of wires are strung into their flesh, and a mask with a tube provides oxygen. And bubbles occasionally release as she exhales.

“...holy fuck.”

“How can this be possible? The bombs dropped over a hundred years ago. And whoever this is, they look no older than us!”

“Maybe some kind of...delayed development?” Kakashi muses, still staring. “I have no idea. But you know what this means…? This is probably the only living person from before the war. Untouched by radiation. You know how valuable that would be to the right people? People trying to find ways to -?”

“What?! You wanna turn her over to a bunch of freaks in lab coats? Kakashi, she’s never even been outside this tube. You really think she should just be shuffled off to another one to be studied? That’s fucked up!”

“You’re the one who wanted this whole thing to be worthwhile and make us some cash!”

“Yeah, with tech. Not with people! We might as well be like the slavers at that point, and fuck that.”

Sighing, Kakashi runs a hand back through the mess of his hair. “So, what...you wanna just let her out and wish her luck on her way? You think taking someone like this and just...turning them loose in this world is fair, either?”

“I dunno! But I’m not gonna sell her as a lab rat, Kakashi. No fucking way.”

“Then what, leave her here? Seems she’s got a few days left of power. Less now that we’ve sucked some up with the lights and the stairs.”

“And let her turn into goop like the rest of these poor bastards?”

“There really doesn’t seem to be any fair option here, Obito. So make up your mind. You found her, you decide.”

Obito balks, heart leaping to his throat. He didn’t ask for this…!

“You better hurry because we’re running out of lights down here the longer we dawdle. I’m gonna go pack up what I can. You figure this out.”

“But -?!” Reaching out, he’s denied as Kakashi heads back into the other room. “...ugh, damn it!” Huffing a breath, he turns back to the tube.

Given she’s likely never had any light, the woman is pale as milk. And...maybe for the same reason, so is the rest of her: long, wavy hair almost seems to glow in the strange fluid. It’s a bit hard to tell given how much she’s floating, but it almost seems to be as long as she is tall.

...then again, he figures she’s never had a haircut.

...he can’t leave her here. And he won’t let her get snapped up by some freak wanting to study her like a bug in a jar. So, that leaves one option. Looking at the right side of the tank, Obito finds a kind of keypad: maybe a mechanism for opening the door? Cuz something tells him just...smashing the glass isn’t smart. “Uh…”

He needs a password.

Moving to the equipment, he shuffles through a bunch of papers, opening a filing cabinet and finding folders for the specimens. Glancing to her tube, he finds the number, a finger tracing down the paper until -

“Two four seven three,” he murmurs, repeating it under his breath until he’s back at the keypad, pressing the keys in sequence.

A loud beep sounds, and he startles as massive bubbles flood up from the floor of the tube. The liquid, it’s...it’s draining! She slowly sinks to a tangle of limbs at the bottom.

And then, with a pressurized hiss, the glass swings open, and she nearly tumbles out.

“Oh, shit -!” Kneeling, he manages to catch her, nose wrinkling at the smell of...whatever she was in. And she’s wet. Eugh.

Carefully, he starts taking out the wires, wincing as the sites bleed. And off comes the mask, letting her breathe air on her own for the first time.

“What the hell is -?”

“Kakashi! Find a rag or something, she’s bleeding wherever I take the wires out.”

Seeing that Obito apparently made up his mind, Kakashi sighs and finds a dispenser of paper towels. Handing those over, he then grabs one of the abandoned lab coats.

Since she is, after all, completely nude.

Obito mops her off, trying to wipe both blood and mystery liquid off her skin, going pink as he nears anything intimate. Once she’s a bit cleaner, he lifts her up and lets Kakashi help him get her as dressed as they can manage. A spare bit of cable ties it shut around her waist.

“...why isn’t she waking up?” the Uchiha then asks.

“No idea. Maybe she’s dead?”

“No, no - she’s breathing.”

“Try slapping her.”

Obito shoots him a look. “...hey, miss? Uh...hello?”

No response, her head lolling around on her neck.

“...well, let's - let’s get her back upstairs. Then we can come back down for any stuff you wanna haul out.”

“I’ve got a few bags full. And you’re gonna have to keep an eye on her. I’ll make a few trips in the meantime.”

“...all right.” Hefting her up on his back, Obito begins the ascent back to the surface, admittedly sad to leave the clean air behind.

Well...he has a person. Now what?

Back in their camp, he lays her on his bedroll. Her hair is still wet, and he mulls it over before turning her on her side. Deft fingers then start braiding. Once she has a long tail of plait, he ties it off with some wire. There...that’ll keep it from getting too out of hand.

“...mn…”

He stiffens. Is...is she waking up? “H-hello?”

Her eyelids twitch, leading him to notice her white lashes. Then they open to reveal a soft pair of grey eyes.

...Obito then realizes that she’s likely got no memories, no language...nothing.

Oh boy.

“...uh...hi?” he greets sheepishly, lips briefly flickering up into a smile. “...I’m Obito.”

Completely blank, she stares at him.

“...you, uh…” He sighs, rubbing his neck. “...can you...understand me?”

More unaware staring.

“Aw, crap. Well, uh…” Adjusting to sit cross-legged, he puts a hand to his chest. “...Obito.”

Her eyes drop to his hand, then back to his face.

“Obito.”

“...O...bito…”

He perks up. “Yeah!”

“...yeah.”

...okay, maybe she’s just copying him. Thinking it over for a moment, he recalls a book he got to read a while back, stolen from a camp they’d stayed at. It had a heroine, and her name was…

He then (very shyly) puts a hand to her chest. “...Ryū.”

Again, she looks to the hand, then back to him. “...R...Ryū…?”

A nod. “Ryū.” Hand back to his own chest. “Obito.”

“Okay, I’ve got the first -”

Obito points. “Kakashi.”

Following the gesture, Ryū sees Kakashi freeze. She also points. “...Kakashi!”

Amused, Obito bursts out laughing, clapping his hands and making her startle. “Hahaha! You got it!”

“Well this is going to be fun,” Kakashi mutters. “You’ve got an adult with the mental awareness of a baby.”

“She’ll learn!”

“With you as her teacher, that scares me.”

“Then you’ll just have to help, Kakashi.”

Sighing, he approaches and sits nearby. He points to Obito. “Idiot.”

“Hey -!”

“I...diot?”

“No!” Obito cuts in, waving his hands.

“Yes, idiot,” is Kakashi’s reply, laughing as Obito shoves him.

“...Obito.”

The pair pause, looking to her. By now, she’s more bright-eyed, clearly curious. She points. “Obito.” Her hand moves. “...Kakashi.”

Obito then points to her. “Ryū!”

“What kind of a name is -?”

“It’s her name! I got it from a book, okay?”

“All right, all right...guess you get the right. But we need to get her some supplies. And we better keep her out of the sun for too long for a while, let her get used to it.”

“Yeah…” There’s a lot to think about.

“...well, welcome to the nuclear waste dump that is Earth,” Kakashi offers. “You’ll learn to love it. Or hate it. Likely both. But at least you won’t turn into soup like your friends.”

Obito’s nose wrinkles. “...okay, but...let’s never tell her about that part once she understands, okay? It’ll only upset her.”

“Fine. Now, I’m gonna haul up some more stuff. Be on your best behavior.” Kakashi points warningly to the two of them.

“Kakashi!” Ryū replies, watching him go.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back. Sadly,” Obito notes with a snort. Elbow on his knee and chin in his palm, he watches as Ryū takes in her surroundings, and then starts fiddling with anything within reach: debris, his bag...and then him.

He stiffens, but lets her curiously prod at him. She pulls at his clothes, seemingly understanding it’s separate from him. Then he takes his hand in her hands, turning it over and back before comparing it to her own.

...then she moves to his face.

Unlike the rest of her touches, these are more...hesitant. Careful. She seems to know it’s a bit more fragile. Eyes roam over it, drinking in his image.

“...ugly, huh?” he murmurs, knowing she can’t understand.

But she doesn’t flinch, a hand tracing along the ridges of his scars.

“Got those from a mutant. Plus a lot more you can’t see. It’s how Kakashi lost his eye, too. But he can tell you about that.”

She pauses to listen, but doesn’t comprehend. “...Obito.”

“...mhm. That’s me.”

More touches to his face, and then, tone softer, “...Obito…”

Blinking, he feels his face get warm. “...uh…?”

The phenomenon surprises her, jolting before pressing her palms to his cheeks, squishing them slightly to feel the heat.

And then she giggles.

It’s a sweet, chime-like sound. And Obito immediately adores it. “...you’re so cute,” he mumbles.

“...cute?”

“...uh -?”

“All right, I think that’s all we can reasonably carry. Especially since she can’t really...uh…” Kakashi perks a brow. “...am I interrupting something?”

Flustered, Obito leans back from her grip. “No!”

“...then let’s get ready to go.”

By the time they finish packing up, the afternoon is fading into evening. Obito draws a spare cloak over Ryū to keep her out of the sun. “There we go.”

“Ready?” his partner asks.

“I guess so.” The pair start walking, and...Obito realizes she’s not following. “Aw, jeez...uh…” Heading back, he holds out a hand.

After a pause, she does the same.

“Come on,” he mumbles, taking her grip and urging her to keep up.

“Obito!”

“...yup.”

     Okay not gonna lie, I...did not have high hopes for this prompt, but by the end I really enjoyed it xD I don’t, uh...participate much in the apocalypse genre (besides watching my brother play Fallout 4 lmao) so I don’t have much imagery to go off of. So I gave it my best shot .w.      While kinda gross in the middle there, it turned out cute by the end xD Obito’s got his work cut out for him, bahaha! But that’s all for today - thanks for reading!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #147

“i almost died, but it felt great.”

Have you ever thought of a relationship as more of a job than love?  Yep, definitely with Tyler.  Girt felt that way too, kinda. Do you live in a town where basically everyone knows everyone else?  Nope. When’s the last time you chose a bath over a shower?  Years ago, you don't even wanna know what was wrong with me. What are you doing for your next birthday?  Hopefully I'll be in a tattoo parlor my dude. Do you know anyone else with your name?  Yeah, but spelled differently. Who do you care about the most?  Sara and my mom. Colored skinny jeans. Yay or nay? YAY. Interests & hobbies:  Photography, watching let's plays, music, writing/RP, any interaction with animals, art, gaming, being out in nature if it's cool. Music. What do you listen to?  Heavy metal, mostly.  Other sub-genres of metal and rock. Quality or quantity?  Quality. What’s your phone’s signature? (if you have one…)  Oh my fucking god I forgot phones used to have a signature option.  I don't have one. Do you think it’s possible to will yourself out of caring about someone? I don't think so, honestly.  Well... maybe.  But I think you have to truly want to. Do you know anyone that is albino?  No. Would you agree that smoking (cigarettes) should be illegal?  It should be, but it's too late to make it so.  Too many people would lose their jobs. Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon?  Regular by miles. Where do most of your relatives live?  New York and Ohio. Is your weight proportionate to your height?  No. What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight?  Sara's house. Do you prefer leather or lace?  Lace. Would you ever buy a motorcycle?  No, too risky for me. What is the furthest you have traveled alone?  Illinois. Have you ever ridden a train? How about a subway?  No to both. What did you do on the busiest day of your life?  I dunno. Do you think everyone is born innocent? Or do you think “evil” is predetermined?  I lean more towards being born innocent. What was the meanest thing you’ve been called?  A martyr. Do you have any pets? If so, what species/breed? How did you acquire said pets?  I have two dogs, one being a beagle/cocker spaniel and probs collie mix, and another that's supposedly part jack russell.  The first came from a friend of a family friend, and the other I think from Craigslist?  Then I have a cat that looks to have Siamese heritage, and he came from my sister's mother-in-law.  I also have a champagne ball python that came from a breeder in Florida.  Both my iguana and rat came from Craigslist. Have you ever gotten a pet at a shelter? You should. There’s nothing wrong with shelter pets.  I believe so? Have you ever taken in a stray animal?  Story of my family's life with cats lmao. Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks?  No. What about dating someone simply because you felt too bad to say no?  That's honestly how Tyler and I started, yes lmao.  I didn't "like" him yet, but I mean, he was enough of a good guy for me to be like "okay let's try." Does any food always make you sick but you love it too much to not eat it?  None "sick," no.  Some don't sit well with my stomach, but I eat anyways. How do you feel about alcohol?  Dangerous potential.  Don't overindulge. Have you ever been drunk?  No. Chicken or the egg, really?  Chicken. Do you tell white lies?  Sometimes. Would you rather be able to talk to animals or be fluent in every language?  Talk to animals! Does your kitchen have a pantry?  No. Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace?  No. How do your political beliefs compare to those of your parents?  I'm not as conservative as either. Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs?  Lol yes. Would you ever consider being a foster parent?  No. What’s your opinion on lottery tickets? Waste of money, or no?  Once in a blue moon, whatever, give it a shot if you want.  But generally a waste, odds are too small. Have you ever swam in a saltwater pool?  Those exist?? What kinds of leisure activities did your family do together when you were growing up?  Almost nothing all together...  We would swim together sometimes, though.  And cook out. Are either of your parents retired yet and if not, what do they do?  No.  Dad's a mailman, and Mom's a pharmacy tech. What kind of booze did you last take shots of?  I've never done shots. What is one moment that you missed out on that you wished you didn’t? Off the top of my head, I guess the total solar eclipse we had a while back.  Didn't see anything here.  But eh, didn't have glasses anyway. What is your favorite shape?  Circles. Who did you last kiss?  Romantically, Sara.  Platonically, I think my nephew. Are pigs adorable or dirty?  PRECIOUS. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc)  Great Value lmao. Can you speak a second language fluently?  No. Do you wanna learn any other languages?  I would really, really like to take German again and become fluent. What is the worst pain you’ve ever experienced?  Physically, an infected cyst being drained with not even nearly enough numbing and morphine; emotionally, romantic heartbreak. What’s your least favorite chore?  Dishes.  I refuse to live somewhere that doesn't have a dishwasher when I move out aksjfdasoejiw. If you had 5 minutes to talk with any politician, who would it be?  *shrugs* What would you ask them?  ^ You’re stranded alongside the road. Who do you call first?  Mom. Name the last 3 TV shows you watched:  The Good Doctor, The Bionic Vet, and probably a show that's not coming to me for Keegan or the girl Colleen watches. If you had to be a member of a TV sitcom family, which one would it be?  jfaskdjasie the Addams.  Goals. Name 3 things from your childhood that you still have today:  Like half a billion stuffed animals, some toys, some video games. How many bones have you broken?  None. Who is the one person you DON’T want to come to your wedding?  Hm.  Idk.  Maybe my sister's husband, but I mean it'd be fine if he kept his judgments to himself as I'm probably marrying a girl, and boy do I know his opinions. What is your favorite fast food joint?  Probably Wendy's. Have you used Limewire before?  Hahaha yes. Do you have any siblings? Younger or older?  Yeah, five older and one younger. Have you ever had a one night stand?  No. Do you or any of your friends have children?  My best friend has a son. Who do you envy the most, if anyone at all?  Ha, couldn't tell you.  Somebody. So have you ever been on a legit date?  Yeah. Last person you watched a movie with? 
 Colleen. Favorite book that was made into a movie? Johnny Got His Gun. Do you like eggnog?  NO. Ever seen someone get surgery?  Not like, in person.  But I watched a video of how the surgery I had is done before having it. Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy?  I play when I can anyway, Pokestops are like non-existent here, so.  But anyway I think I'm 11 or 12, and my buddy is Charmander. If you wear lipstick, what’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Has your best friend ever made you cry?  Yes. Have you ever entered a talent competition?  No. What color is your best friend’s hair?  Blonde. Is your best friend older or younger than you?  She's a few months older. Do you have a dream catcher?  No. If you’ve ever been out of your country, do you have a souvenir?  I've never been out of the country. When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with?  February of last year. Have you read any of Shakespeare’s works other than Romeo and Juliet?  Yeah, though it was still for school. Why did you move to where you’re living now?  We got evicted and kinda just had to pick whatever accommodated us and wasn't gross-looking.  Thankfully we all really like our house, more than our old one even. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up?  Multiple spankings. Have you ever been to California?  No. Do you think dreams actually mean anything? Why/why not?  No.  Because recently Colleen told me about a dream where she won a fried chicken plush from a claw machine and it came out as four buckets of KFC.  Find me the meaning pls. What’s something you’re really bad at compared to others?  Social interaction.  I panic over how long I'm supposed to keep eye contact, dude. How much was gas the last time you filled your car up?  I don't fill my own gas, don't have a car.  But I think it's like... $2.69 or something here?? Do you usually fill up at the same gas station?  Mom normally does. What was the topic of conversation the last time you spoke to a sibling?  I was texting Ashley about where we're doing Ryder's birthday pictures. Are any of your relatives musicians?  No. Is there a movie you currently want to see?  Slender Man and The Meg. Have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity? No.. Do you have a piece of technology that should be dead, but it’s still going?  Oh boy, the iPod nano I've had since the beginning of middle school. Ever sent drunk texts? No. How many dresses do you own?  Besides my two prom ones, I think one?? What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? My iguana, probably. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean?  Big scream yes.  I was at the beach the other day and the water was absolutely perfect. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Yeah, meet Mark.  Direct opposite location in the U.S. my ass, he has no escape. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Wild animals, unless I'm in a survival situation. Do you have trouble sleeping if you sleep anywhere else but home?  Eh, I can sometimes.  If I'm comfortable, not really.

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

All the evens for Alex and Adelina and all the odds for Alex and Zevran. I'm in a fluff mood because I'm feeling stressed so indulge me by indulging yourself :3

Braaaah, this is gonna be long so I’m putting like half of it under a cut. (Thank you for indulging with me.

Adelina/Alex

Assume like most of these are in a modern setting.

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?-  Alex is the first to get up, if that’s what you mean. (Technically they’re both night owls in canon, because they both work night watch.) 

3. Who hogs the cover/ Who loves to cuddle?- Adelina and Adelina. Though Alex has been known to wake up thoroughly entrenched in both covers and limbs, by her own subconscious hand. On those mornings, she is late to everything, because Adelina clings and does not let go.

5. Who usually has nightmares?- Alex. They’re nasty, they are.

7. Who sweats the small stuff?- Alex for suuure. She overthinks a lot of things, especially if her mood has already turned foul.

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?- Adelina. In fact, Adelina is the only one allowed in the kitchen.

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies?- Adelina likes both. Especially really good ones, or REALLY BAD ONES. Alex tends toward horror of the two, but it’s still not really her favorite genre. 

13. Who is considered the scaredy cat?- Neither of them, really? In the traditional sense, I guess Adelina, but she’s got a really strong will that keeps her from being too terribly shaken up by mundane-scary things. Supernatural-scary things will still get to her though.

15. Who is scared of the dark?- Alex is not scared of the dark. Alex doesn’t like what she can’t see in the dark.

17. Who works/ Who stays at home?- In modern AU: Alex works, Adelina stays at home and bangs out fashion editorials for the job that doesn’t require her to wear pants. (Alex is 100% jealous of that bit.)

In canon, they both work. Constantly.

19. Who loves to call the other one cute names?- Adelinaaaa, holy goddamn shit. Her go-to is ‘Ale’, for legit things, but she has a whole host of tooth-rottingly schmoozy names that she uses to tease.

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)?- Adelina is obsessed with dogs. Would definitely own an ‘I think dogs should vote’ shirt and wear it unironically.

23. Who asks who out on the first date? - Assuming modern AU? Adelina, although she does it via the number Alex leaves her so…it’s a debate.

25. Who wears the other ones clothes?- Adelina wears Alex’s clothing around the house. It’s usually a little too small, especially in the chest, but she’s home alone so who cares.

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower?- Alex knows how to take short showers, prefers not to exercise this. Adelina sings in the shower, usually without music, usually off key.

29. Who is the better cook?- See ‘Adelina is the only one allowed in the kitchen’ in question 9.

31. Who is more affectionate?- Adelina. There’s just no getting around that.

33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt?- Alex wears the “sin” one with no shame. Adelina wears the “not guilty” one ironically.

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?- Ade likes decorating and cooking. Holidays are her time to SHINE. (She has outfits picked out for Christmas shopping in October.)

37. Height difference or age difference?- Heighttttt! They’re only a few years apart, but Ade is like two inches taller than Alex - even more, if she’s wearing heels.

39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside?- Ade again. Alex doesn’t do novelty as a rule.

41. Who cries during sad movies? - Ade again, although Alex has had a few movies hit close enough to home that her throat closes up a little.

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?- Alex. She doesn’t get it, but Adelina coos at the dumb thing like it’s a pet, and fuck if that isn’t kind of adorable, christ.

45. Who is more likely to get drunk?- Adelina. Alex doesn’t drink much, at least not anything very strong. She tends to swap between angry and sad when not in control of her faculties, and has learned this does not maker her favorable to ANYONE. Adelina, on the other hand, is an exceptionally happy drunk. (And gets a little handsy, so. Alex isn’t much complaining.)

47. Who has the more complex coffee order?- Adelina, although it’s not actually complex, it’s just that Alex doesn’t drink coffee ever.

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger?- Alex drives. Ade DJs.

Alexandria/Zevran

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?- Zev gets to be little spoon because Alexandria is tall as well as broad. Though they trade here and again.

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses?- Zevran, to Alexandria. (Frequently in places that cause her to be very awake very quickly.)

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day? - Alexandria has her sleep frequently interrupted by nightmares and is only introspective at night. Zevran likes to make small talk on long days of walking. Rarely are either of them particularly deep or emotional, though.

8. Who sleeps in their underwear (or naked)/ Who sleeps in their pajamas?- Alexandria sleeps in clothes more frequently that Zevran does, but…still not much, lmao.

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour?- Alexandria has a crazy sweet tooth. Zevran doesn’t necessarily like SOUR, but acidic flavors tend to sit well with him. (Citrus and pickled foods tend to remind him of home, I think.)

12. Who is smol/ Who is tol?- Zev, then Alex.

14. Who kills the spiders?- Have you seen Dragon Age? Both of them.

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?- Neither of them. You get rather more perturbed by rain than thunder when roughing it outdoors for a year.

18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person?- Alex is a dog person, Zevran is a cat person. Thus why I attribute the ‘getting on like cats and dogs’ line to them and their tag.

20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive?- They switch depending on the day, but typically it is Alex as the more dominant personality in day to day scenarios but submissive in bed and vice versa with Zev.

22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?- Neither. They’re not much for gratuitous romance.

24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener? - Both? Neither? Depends on the day.

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?- Alexandria grew up a noble’s child and has a taste for sweets. Zevran just likes food that is actually flavorful, though it tends to be on the healthier end.

28. Who is the book worm?- Zevran. Alexandria finds herself too energetic to sit and read a lot, especially post-Joining.

30. Who likes long walks on the beach?- Both. They both lived nears the sea most of their lives, so it tends to be a calming agent.

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?- Neither of themmmm because emotions are haaaaard.

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?- It would be Zev grinning and wearing the “if lost, return to�� shirt and Alex with the “I am” part scratched out and “Keep him” written underneath. They’re both tickled by the whole set up.

36. Who is the social media addict?- Zevran, for fucking sure.

38. Who likes to star gaze?- Eh. Both of them for a little bit, but it tends to turn into other things. They’re neither of them very concerned with things going on a million miles away. 

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?- Zev is supposed to be the fun parent, but it turns out that they’re both on the more practical/responsible end. Cadeel is the fun aunt.

42. Who is the neat freak?- Zevran is weirdly picky about things at least being in PLACE. Alexandria isn’t so much used to having to do a lot of her own cleaning, but thankfully she doesn’t own much in the way of stuff.

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?- Both and both. Again, depends on the day.

46. Who has the longer food order?- That Warden appetite, tho.

48. Who loses stuff?- Alexandria doesn’t lose much, but she loses more than Zevran ‘sews fifteen thousand pockets into everything’ Arainai.

50. Who is the hopeless romantic?

- HAHAHAHAHAHA neither. Most of the time.

[lostboysuga]

He Sings In The Morning

also posted on wattpad, twt, and ao3

ao3 link

don't confuse pls !!

part one !!

3.4k words

Taehyung was sitting on Hoseoks bed, trying to patiently wait as the older male continued to try and perfect his costume. He finally came out of the bathroom after almost 2 hours wearing all black and a headband. “What are you, a rat?” Taehyung asked, not quite sure what he was supposed to be.

Hoseok sighed and said, “I'm a mouse,” He pointed up at his ears, “Duh.”

“Oh. Well whatever, you took so long that we're late for the party now.” Taehyung deadpanned, scrolling through his phone.

“What seriously?! Why didn't you tell me?!” Hoseok scrambled to grab everything he needed, including car keys and wallet just in case. Taehyung just let himself get pulled along, not really seeming very interested, since he didn't even want to go, and Hoseok was just dragging him along.

They got into the car and drove up to the party a few miles away. The music was blasting and you could hear it even inside the car with all the windows up. Taehyung rolled his eyes and got out of the car with Hoseok following close behind.

They both entered the house and it looked as though the party truly was in full swing and they were nearing the “best part of the night” for those who actually go to parties. Hoseok ran off somewhere when he spotted his cousin, leaving Taehyung to navigate the party alone. He didn't mind it much, he just wished Hoseok wasn't such an airhead and realized that there are other people living in the world.

Taehyung knew he wouldn't last through this party without a drink so he went into the kitchen because that's usually where all the alcohol is in movies. Taehyung didn't know much about parties because he was kind of a loner. Hoseok and a few others were his only friends. But he liked it that way, better friends over more friends any day. Hoseok was his bestest friend in the whole wide world, and Taehyung liked it that way. He didn't really need anybody else.

He got a drink after being asked the ridiculous questions about what he wanted to drink as if he was at a legit bar. he didn't know what to ask for so he just asked for whatever would be best for the party. The girl that was making the drinks smirked and grabbed bunch of things that Taehyung could barely read what they were. She handed him a pink drink in a plastic cup, apologizing for not being able to put it in a glass.

Taehyung muttered a small thanks and walked away. Before he took a sip of his drink, and it smelled like straight vodka. But he got a hint of cranberry juice and realized he'd just been served a really strong cosmopolitan. “Jesus, what am I a fucking girl?” He said to himself, tempted to throw the drink out, but decided against it as he saw Hoseok flirting with some boy who probably was way older than him. Hoseok caught sight of Taehyung and shouted for him to come over.

He seemed to have met an oddly pale older boy dressed as a vampire. He seemed to have really natural looking makeup on, but when Taehyung got closer he realized that the boy wasn't wearing any makeup at all. Taehyung tried not to be weirded out by this and instead tried to make small talk.

“Enjoying yourself?” Taehyung asked monotonously, though trying his hardest not to sound like he wasn't interested. Truly this boy looked like he didn't want to be here either.

“Not hardly.” The older male replied.

“Me too. I'm Taehyung, by the way.” He outstretched his hand for the older boy to shake, and he did.

“I'm Yoongi. Nice to meet you.” Yoongi seemed to be a little too formal for Taehyung, which was odd only because of their surroundings. They were at a college Halloween party, but Yoongi seemed to be the only one here with a serious costume. He looked like a true vampire, fangs, cape, the whole nine yards.

“I really don't want to be here, but my best friend brought me so I had to come.”

“My apologies that you're not enjoying yourself. Perhaps we could go somewhere together?” Taehyung pondered this for a minute or so, and then finally glanced over at Hoseok, who was dancing with some random drunk dude. He knew either way he'd be left behind when Hoseok forgot about him and decided to run off with some guy.

“Sure. Wherever is fine as long as it's not here.” Yoongi reached for Taehyungs hand and Taehyung let him intertwine their fingers together. Yoongis hands were cold; really cold. Taehuyng didn’t want to ask why his hands were so cold, so he kept his mouth shut. They walked out, hand in hand, and in minutes the house was just a spec in the horizon. Yoongi led Taehyung, what seemed to be, miles away from the house, and away from Hoseok.

Eventually, they came what looked to be a forest, but it seemed very out of place, as it was right next to an apartment complex. But Taehyung wasn’t quite complaining, even if he was slightly afraid of Yoongi, as he’d seen too many crime shows and knew that forests were where you dumped dead bodies.

The came upon a very dark looking stone with a skull imprinted on it, and Taehyung was starting to get pretty freaked out. Just who was this dude? He was super creepy, that’s for sure. Yoongi mumbled some words that didn’t sound like English, but then the stone moved open like a door and and Yoongi led Taehyung inside. Taehyung was sufficiently frightened enough to go home now, but once they got inside, he wasn’t all that scared anymore.

It looked like a little underground cottage. It was kinda cute if Taehyung had to admit. “Is this where you live?” Taehyung asked, letting go of Yoongis hand and walking around to view everything Yoongi had inside of what Taehyung assumed to be his “house’’.

“This is in fact where I live. Do you like it?” Yoongi smiled as Taehyung walked all around Yoongis absolutely fascinating home. He didn’t quite know what it was about this place, but he really seemed to like it. Maybe it was that smell in the air… What was that smell? It was nothing like Taehyung had ever smelled before. He wasn’t sure what to call it or what to compare it to.

What was it about that smell that made him so light-headed? What even was in that fragrance? “What… Is… This..?” Taehyung then suddenly passed out from the scent looming through the air, while Yoongi remained completely unaffected by the scent, as he made it himself in the basement where he made potions and other concoctions. As a vampire, he was quite adept at brewing potions, despite many people thinking that potion-making was only for witches and wizards.

«☾»

Taehyung awoke in a red and black room,and not recognizing his surroundings, he began to panic. He shot up, and despite getting a headache from sitting up too fast, he didn’t care because he didn’t know where he was and that was a big problem. He began to scramble around the room, looking for clues as to where he was, but he couldn’t find anything. He tried to think about where he was last night, but his memory was so fogged, he couldn’t even remember who he left with. Did he really have that much to drink? He swore he only had 1 drink, and he didn’t even finish half of it.

Then, a voice came from behind the door to the room Taehyung was in, and it sounded so familiar. “If you keep making a ruckus, I won’t allow you to come out.” Who was it that had that voice? Who was it that he knew?

Then it hit him, and all his memories came flooding back in a flash. It gave him an even worse migraine. Hoseok, the party, Yoongi, the creepy door leading into Yoongis house in the forest. Everything. It made him fall backwards and onto his bottom. The owner of the voice who he now recognized as Yoongi asked if he was alright. When Taehyung responded, he opened the door as slowly as he could.

“”You!” Taehyung shouted. “What did you do to me?!”

“Quit your incessant shouting, I only changed your clothes!” Yoongi looked very irritated with Taehyung but the younger boy didn’t care. He was furious and didn’t believe Yoongi one bit. He looked down at his outfit and suddenly he looked exactly like Yoongi did; clad in black leather and a cape.

“Why am I dressed like you?!” Taehyung was so livid he wanted to just rip off the clothes he was in.

“Because you’re mine now.” He pointed to his own neck and smirked. Taehyung mirrored this action and felt two small holes in his neck, and his eyes went wide and he suddenly knew why he was so naturally pale, why he lived underground, why he knew how to make potions and turn them into aromas to knock people out.

“You… How could you..?”

“Because you’re beautiful.” Yoongi replied, placing his lips on Taehyungs. The younger male had no idea what to do and didn’t want to get knocked out again, so he kissed back. Yoongi smiled into the kiss and Taehyung tried his best to smile as well, but it came out as more of a grimace than anything even close to a smile. Yoongi pulled away and Taehyung tried his best to make his “smile” a little more believable. Yoongi smiled again and pecked his lips, so that was a good sign, saying that it had worked.

“Since you’re human, well, for a while anyway, you can go outside during the day, but you’ll get hotter easier and sweat more, so I’d suggest you stay here as often as you can. However, I will allow you to go out until you finally turn.”

“T- turn?! You bit me?!”

“I thought we already established this. I bit you to the point where you’d become a vampire and spend the rest of your days with me.”

“Why… Why would you do this to me..?”

“Because you’re the one, Taehyung.” The younger boy was taken aback by this statement, but tried to act as though he was okay with this. He knew he wouldn’t have any other choice anyway so there was no point in defying Yoongi at this point in time. And even if he wanted to, who would believe him? Hoseok surely wouldn’t believe him, even if he saw the bite marks.

He sighed and said, “How many days do I have?”

“At the very least a week. However it’s different for everyone. It could even take a month. I’d say be back here in at most 72 hours.”

“Okay…” Taehyung didn’t know how he could fix this, but he knew even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. It wasn’t like there was a potion to cure vampirism. And even if there was, there was no way Yoongi would give it to him, let alone even confirm there was a potion to cure it. “I’ll… Be back…” Taehyung tried to not let the tears pooling in his eyes fall, but he couldn’t help it. As he was leaving, where Yoongi couldn’t see his face, he let them fall, because this was probably the last time he’d be able to cry without Yoongi breathing down his neck.

Taehyung tried his best to find his way home, eventually getting to a main street and walking home. Truly, Yoongis cave wasn’t that far from Taehyung and Hoseoks shared apartment. He walked into the apartment, and hoped to God that Hoseok wasn’t there. Miraculously, he wasn't. Taehyung went straight to the bathroom to put bandaids on his neck, in hopes that it wouldn’t draw so much attention to the bite marks. He could always just say that they were pimples and be done with it.

Taehyung wondered how he’d get everything he cared about over to Yoongis, unsure of how much his few backpacks could carry. He had a suitcase as well, but he didn’t know if that would really help him at all. He did his best to get everything out, making it seem like he’d never even been there.

He took a suitcase and a backpack of his favorite outfits and filled the rest of his backpacks with books and all the empty journals he’d recently purchased, along with every single pen and pencil he owned. He wanted everything that would be important to him while living with Yoongi. Maybe he could start writing letters to nobody, asking them to please rescue him from Yoongi. He knew there was no point wasting paper like that, though, especially if he was going to spend the rest of eternity alive and with Yoongi.

He grabbed all of his practically all the way full bags, and went to leave his room. He stopped in the doorway to look back at his room. It was a skeleton of what it used to be, a ghost even. Hardly anything was in there except his computer and a few other items he didn’t care about. But all the photos of him and Hoseok since high school were in his suitcase. He couldn’t leave without them. He could live without them, without the memory that he was once human and had a wonderful life ahead of him.

He sighed as he began to cry again, and turned back towards the hallway, and walked out of the apartment, leaving his key on the counter.