#what am i even tagging for now tumblr ignore me anyway x'3

[kaysungshine]

Redamancy ['red-a-man-sE] noun ;a love returned in full

Part II out now!

{ Pairing } - idol!bangchan x staff!afab.reader (with a hint of bestfriend!jisung?)

{ Genre } - NSFW, the trifecta (s/a/f), frenimies to friends to lovers? idk but we'll get there in the end

{ Synopsis } - Han Jisung is your new bestie & technical colleague, of course you befriended the rest of his members. Group nights became a tradition, & tonight involves liquor and drinking games for the first time. Truth or drink?

{ WC } - 6.7k

{ Warnings & tags } - 18+ MDNI, NSFW, smut, angst, fluff, drinking, breath play (choking), swearing, dry humping, use of 'babygirl', mention of wet dream, talk of edging, talk of domming, talk of choking, talk of exhibitionism, all of ot8 is suggestive af when they drink, reader and jisung are PLATONIC I promise they're just touchy, they're all giggly drunks so overuse of laughing chuckling and giggling, chan is kinda dumb in this he just... is in denial land but we'll find out more about that later, unrealistic work scenarios, unrealistic dorm setup? idk lol

{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated with the actual skz, and is a fictional piece. I DO NOT own Stray Kids, this fic is just influenced by them!

{ A/N } - Okay I know I took forever to post & this intro is hella long & I'm sorry! Once again, I will say this is my first skz fic. I come from the world of AO3 & dramione. I am out of my comfort zone lol. First time posting stories on tumblr too! So if I missed anything please let me know <3 there will be a part 2, I've already started writing it! The plot is weak af, but gimme a few more stories and I'll find my groove. Promise! Unbeta'd, be gentle with me ♡

It was supposed to be a relatively chill Saturday night, so you were excited. You just got off work, and had arrived at Jisung's. He swung the door open smiling and pulled you inside, into an immediate hug. Everyone said their greetings, and then Jisung went immediately to whining.

"Finally, what kept you so late?"

You took your shoes, mask, sunglasses, and hat off, letting your curls fall down your back. Then you unzipped your sweatshirt, shrugging it off your shoulders and exposing your fitted white tee. You gave your jacket and bag to Ji so he could put them away. You always arrived in 'disguise', in baggy clothing so that no one suspected anything. Though you thought it was ridiculous. It doesn't matter how baggy the sweat pants or hoodie is, there's no hiding the curve of your ass.

You were a content editor at JYPE, and had become really good friends with Han Jisung. Friendships between idols and staff certainly aren't forbidden, in fact they're encouraged to an extent... as long as no lines are crossed. But it's pretty much an ignored rule. Anyways, you were a small 'behind-the-scenes' employee, not a manager or assistant or makeup artist. Not anyone directly involved with any idols. No one off the street knew who you were. Still, over the last almost year or so, you and him became besties. You frequently shared meals together at work, had sleepovers, you even went camping. You were basically glued to each other. It could easily be taken the wrong way by the media and fans. Hell, it gets taken the wrong way by co-workers, other idols, and even his group members. Although they've mostly accepted that's not the case. It's a given with the way you two act though.

Your relationship is definitely platonic, confirming pretty early on that neither of you felt anything more than friendly love for each other. But you both love teasing the other suggestively. You suppose that's partly why you two got so close so quickly. Your personalities are so similar, it's like you share the same singular brain cell sometimes.

"Editing, per usual." You finally reply with a sigh, "We had to cut A LOT out of nexz's new video. They're so high energy, they slip up a lot, especially with the swearing, but nothing we can't handle."

"Gotta love kids." Chan snorts while sipping a beer.

You smile awkwardly in response and look around the room. Everyone is here, all with their preferred beverages, and chatting away or scrolling.

Ji comes back with a drink for you, he knows you're partial to tequila and always keeps it on deck. Normally, you spend every weekend you can together, which sometimes is not as often as either of you would like. Sometimes you'd both head back to your place, and just have all nighters, binge watching anime and gorging yourselves on junk food. More recently, like tonight, you get invited over to hang with him and the rest of the boys.

It usually results in a few drinks and a movie, or talk about work. Sometimes you just play music and talk and vibe, or try to cook food together when you get the munchies... Which more than likely results in Minho taking over because he just can't help himself. However the nights play out, they're always fun, and you're gradually getting closer to the rest of the members too. Although no one can compare to the bond you have with your Jiji.

"I don't wanna watch a movie tonight, my eyes hurt too much." He starts complaining.

"Poor baby." You tease and run your fingers through his hair, laughing.

"When are you two just going to come out with the fact that you're in love?" Seungmin asks.

You roll your eyes, "When dwaekki's fly."

"I can easily make that happen." Changbin laughs.

"We could play a game?" Felix suggests, already looking flushed from the alcohol.

Jeongin gets excited, "Let's do a drinking game! It's been a while."

"I don't believe I've ever played a drinking game with y'all."

Hyunjin hums, "Mm, you haven't. Mostly because we get crazy, we've never brought up the idea."

This piqued your interest, "More crazy than I've already seen? I don't think that's possible."

Minho chimes in this time, "You forget we're a group of men sometimes, I swear. Mix alcohol and suggestive games, it definitely gets 'crazier' than you've seen, inappropriately crazy."

You level him with a smirk, "I'm down."

"That's my y/n!" Ji says, while pulling you to sit in his lap, "Fearless."

You giggle and lean into him while Minho just narrows his eyes at you and purses his lips. Something tells you he's up to something, but you're ready for any challenge.

"Fine. Then we'll play something easy, truth or drink. If someone refuses to answer, they drink. Whoever finishes their drink first loses." Minho says.

"What does the loser have to do?" You ask.

"Pay for everyone's lunch every day for a month!" Changbin says.

"Deal." You say. 

You're an open book, Ji knows this. There's no question you won't answer.

Everyone is up now, getting new drinks & refills before the game starts. You can't help but notice that Chan didn't get up, he looks a little nervous for some reason. He was always the most worried about you being around so much. In the beginning it definitely came across like he didn't like you. Now you know that's not the case... you think. He tolerates you now to say the least. You couldn't blame him too much, he was just protective of his boys. You actually found it incredibly sweet, or maybe it's just that stupid soft spot you have for him.

He always tried to keep you at arms length from the group. Not wanting anyone to get too close to you. Until Jisung put him in his place, as best he could anyways.

You were in Ji's lap, watching Spirited Away. He was drawing imaginary lines and shapes on your back, while you rested your head on his shoulder, facing the tv. His head was resting on top of yours as well, and a blanket covered you both.

Chan walked in seeing this, and nearly had a stroke. He said we were being inappropriate. And specifically made it a point to tell you to be more professional as a member of the staff. Short version: know your fucking place, you're overstepping. 

You scoffed at him, prepared to confront him about his growing disdain towards you. Let him know he's the one being inappropriate, downright childish. But Ji nudged you onto the couch and got to him first.

It was kind of cute watching him standing there, ears becoming red and getting in Chan's face. Cute in the way that it was like a maltese puppy trying to stand up to a doberman. Then he proceeded to yell at him about how he was way out of line. Saying he was being flat out disrespectful and that he was done with the ridiculous way he has been acting about you. The last thing he said was that he didn't know what got into him, and that he'd never seen this side of Chan before. 

Chan was silent, looking intensely into Jisungs eyes. But he never backed down, so Chan poked his tongue to his cheek, then retreated to his room for the whole night. You had to scoop Ji off the floor right afterwards. He had let his knees buckle, and fell to the floor once Chan was gone. Citing that he wasn't sure he was going to live through the night to see the morning sun. Typical dramatic fashion for your best friend. But you soothed him, fluffing up his ego about 'defending your honor'. His words, not yours.

As that night went on though, the tiniest bit of worry coursed through you. Chan hadn't come back out. Not even when the other members came home, trying to knock on his door to greet him. Or when the food was ready to be served, you had even given knocking a try. Only after Hyunjin begged you to, because 'He already doesn't take care of himself. He needs to eat.' No, you didn't see him again that night until you had already walked out the front door. He slipped out behind you shortly after, grabbing you by the wrist and stopping you. 

You thought he was going to continue the argument for a moment, but no, he was apologizing. Not much more was said afterwards, but his apology was genuine and heartfelt, so you accepted it. You two ended up hugging it out, and thank goodness no one saw that, because it was incredibly cringeworthy. He had no more major issues after that. But he was still unexplainably awkward around you, but it's not like you were any better. You two simply didn't know how to interact with each other for longer than 30 seconds. And that was pushing it. You suspected that might not ever go away. He likes to keep his walls high and strong, and you're stubborn at times.

But of course,  despite that stubbornness. You developed some sort of feelings towards him. Feelings you refused to acknowledge, well tried to refuse. You would push those feelings down deep within your heart, put them in a little box, and tape it shut trying to forget it's there. There was no need to pine over the man, he had stay to do that for him, and who knows who else in his life. Somehow that box always ended up ripped open again.

There was never a reason to act on these feelings. Not to mention, you think you'd be breaking SO MANY rules. Putting your job, his job, hell everyone's job at risk. Or worse, making a fool of yourself when he would downright reject you.

You keep watching him, now he's shaking his leg up and down, seeming agitated. Maybe he just doesn't want everyone getting into a vulnerable state of mind while playing? Maybe he's worried somebody will say or do something wrong? That someone will cross a line, as he loves to say?

Trying to ease his negative feelings, and extend yet another olive branch. You toss a throw pillow at him, hitting him in the chest and pulling him out of his thoughts.

He looks at you, eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, and you just chuckle nervously at him saying, "Don't worry, it's like Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"God how fuckin' corny was that?" Ji teases you, poking your side making you giggle more.

To your relief, Chan is laughing with you, and shaking his head, "I just want them to behave."

"Oh relax, we're all grown. We're all friends. So we'll get to know each other more intimately, big whoop." You shrug.

"Mmm..." He replied, before raising his voice so everyone could hear him, "Whatever is spoken about tonight, doesn't leave this room."

"I swear you're the one with anxiety sometimes, not me." Ji mumbles.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... dad." Hyunjin says as he sits next to you and Ji.

"As if that announcement even had to be made, I swear, and you wonder why we call you old." Seungmin comments.

Once everyone is settled in with their drinks, Minho directs Chan to start the game.

"Jisung, when was the last time you cried?"

He laughed, "You're trying to embarrass me because you know it was this morning, but I am confident and secure in the fact that I am a sensitive man."

He said the last bit with his hand over his heart, and his eyes closed, effectively making everyone chuckle.

"My poor baby, why were you crying?" You question teasingly.

"Please don't bring it up, he'll start blubbering all over again. Stupid, sad, dog rescue videos." Seungmin mumbles.

"Minho!" Ji shouts, pointing at him dramatically, "This question is for you. If you had to kiss someone in this room on the cheek, who would it be?"

"Hyunjin." He said bluntly, making you and everyone else laugh while Hyune just rolled his eyes.

"Would you kiss me back?" He asked him, eyes full of hope and bottom lip jutted out and pouting, trying to act cute. And succeeding, honestly.

Hyunjin acted like he was pondering the question, but ultimately was the first to take a sip from his glass, "I decline to answer."

He looked to you next, a suggestive smirk on his face, making you the next victim, "Y/niiieee..."

"Oi, be respectful." Chan scolds immediately, not liking the look at all.

"All I was going to do was repeat the question!" He said defensively, "Y/n, if you had to choose, who would you kiss on the cheek?"

You tried hard to keep your eyes from trailing over to Chan, a tingly feeling spreading across your skin at the mere thought of innocently kissing his cheek. Instead you chose the easy answer, because it wasn't a lie. You'd also kiss your best friend on the cheek any time.

"My Jiji of course," And you took his face in one hand, squeezing his cheeks between your middle finger and thumb, and plant a loud smooch on each of them, "he probably only asked because he wanted one anyways."

He just chuckles, letting you baby him and Seungmin fake gags.

"Minnieee..." You pause trying to come up with a question, "when you dye your hair next, what color would you want?"

"Green, my entire head green."

"That would look interesting." You laugh.

You all go 'round in circles for a few rounds, completely forgetting about the rules of the game. Having now finished your glasses from casually sipping throughout the game, most of you have switched to occasional shots. You're starting to feel warm and tipsy. Of course the more you all drank, the more the questions started to get more... amorous. Which is exactly how you all assumed this game would go. No wonder Chan was so anxious.

However looking over to him now, he's definitely having a good time. Like every other person, he loosens up while drinking, but tonight he seems even more so.

"Y/n," Chan starts with a sly look making your skin buzz again. Among all of you, he is 100% the most inebriated right now, "when was your first kiss?"

"Yah! He tells us to be respectful, but look how he is after a few drinks!" Changbin yells laughing.

Chan loses it, "You're right Binnie, you don't have to answer or drink." He says in between fits of squeaky laughter. 

You think you could listen to him laugh all day.

You shake your head and snort, "I've answered worse questions playing this game before. I was 13 when I had my first kiss."

Hyunjin nearly spits his drink out, because again, no one is drinking just as punishment anymore, "13?!"

"Well, yeah, it's a pretty normal age in America... I think..." you started to blush, "why, how old were you?" you ask Hyunjin.

He hesitates, but eventually he spoke, "I was 18."

The rest chime in saying they were also 18 or 19. With the exception of Felix who said he was 16.

Without even thinking you start to say, "Aaah, see I was 18 when I-" and you're abruptly stopped with Ji's hand slapping over your mouth.

Your eyes go wide, caught off guard, but understanding as you almost blurted out unnecessary information. Nothing that Ji hadn't known obviously, it's just that everyone else doesn't really know you on that level. 

"Jagi, you only had to answer the one question, adding extra info, that's not how you play the gaaaaame." He says in a sing-song voice, "Hyunjin it's your turn to ask someone."

"No no no no! What was she going to say?" Chan chuckles.

When you looked at him, he winked at you, and you had to stop yourself from going limp in Ji's arms. He knew damn well what you were going to say. Why is he teasing, no torturing you like this?

You peel Ji's hand off your mouth to respond "It's not your turn, you'll have to wait to ask me that."

The group starts laughing and shouting, teasing Chan who is ignoring it all, just staring at you with curious eyes and his tongue in his cheek. Does he know how hot he looks doing that?

"Okay, so then I'll ask you. What were you going to say?" Hyunjin asks calmly, trying to fight the smile off his face.

You pour yet another shot, and knock it back thinking, what the hell, "I was going to say I was 18 when I first hooked up with a man."

Some members looked surprised, the game taking an obvious turn. However Hyunjin, Felix, and Chan started laughing again.

"I knew that's what you were going to say." Felix slurred. 

"Yeah I was definitely teasing you on that, because I knew." Chan followed.

"Mmm, well judging from the shocked faces of everyone else, you two seem to be the only psychics." You try to joke, wanting the attention off of you suddenly.

"No, don't get us wrong, not all of us are as innocent as you think." Seungmin says defensively.

"Oh really now?" You respond, one brow quirking up.

Seungmin just turned red, and sat back in his seat. To which Chan started laughing, yet again. He's a giggly drunk, and you love it.

"Don't tease my puppy, babe." Ji slurred, trying to reach his arm to console Seungmin, but ultimately failing.

"I mean I was 18 too, with the same girl I first kissed." Hyunjin shrugged.

"But what do you mean 'to a man'?" Jeongin asked with a shit eating grin on his face. 

You promptly turned into a tomato, and started choking on air.

"You're not that slow pabo, obviously it means she's been with women too." Ji says, rather loudly and speaking freely, all while patting your back.

You're quiet. It's not like it's a secret, you've never hidden your sexuality. But it never came up in conversation with anyone here, except Jisung.

Wanting to ease the tone, Felix speaks up, "Well I was 18 when I first hooked up with a dude."

"I was 21, but everyone already knows that story." Ji slurred.

The whole conversation triggers another group laughing fit. Except for Chan, who is looking at you with those dark eyes again. And... is he blushing? Or is that the alcohol? He eventually snaps out of whatever daze he was in, and slowly smiles at you reassuringly.

You mentally kick yourself for getting your hopes up, of course he couldn't ever think of you like that. You're imagining things.

"But then, how old were you when you first hooked up with a girl?" Jeongin asked again, genuinely curious.

"A lot younger than 18..." You trailed off laughing, "I'll just say in high school."

"The air is different outside of Korea." Changbin says suddenly, sounding thoughtful.

Hyunjin nearly collapsed laughing, slapping Minho on the knee repeatedly, despite the glare he was shooting him.

"Well I just answered a bunch of questions in a row so that means I get to ask two people a question. And the second person I ask gets the next turn." You say, making up new rules. 

"So... Chan." He looks at you with his eyebrows raised and you just smirk, knowing you're trying to get back at him, "How old were YOU when you lost your virginity?"

He gulps and looks around at the group before answering, "I... was 18."

"Chan-hyung, you never answered us when we would ask you! Why answer her?" Jisung whines.

"I honestly don't know, maybe it's the liquor. None of you ever asked me drunk." He starts giggling.

"Okay so question 2... Binnie!" He gulps and looks at you with wide eyes, "Are you more of a boob guy?" You say grabbing your own, not even really thinking about it, "Or an ass guy?"

Changbin started laughing and answered, "Definitely ass, but I appreciate boobs too, equality."

"I am just learning so much about my fellow members lately." Seungmin whispers.

"Is that a bad thing?" You giggle.

"Not at all, it feels strangely comforting, letting loose like this." He replies and smiles softly at me, "It's been a while."

"It's freeing!" Jeongin yells abruptly, throwing his hands in the air.

"Aye, my question is for you then Min. Have you ever had a wet dream?" Changbin asks.

"... what guy hasn't? Don't all guys get them?" He asks looking around.

Then you chime in again frankly, "Girls can get them too you know."

Why does it feel like you've opened pandora's box on your sex life, in every single aspect?

Ji starts laughing, nodding his head vigorously and you know where this is about to go.

"Really now?" Felix says, mimicking your exact tone from earlier, "What was it about?"

"Mmmm... it's not your turn to ask," Then you turn to Seungmin, "And if you ask me, I will absolutely drink and not answer. No way I'm explaining a sex dream right now."

Seungmin just rolls his eyes and huffs out a laugh.

"But I wanna knooooooow," Jisung whines, "You looked so cute having one last weekend, you never told me what it was about."

Everyone was watching you two closely now, waiting to hear how he knew what you looked like in that situation.

You turned around and smacked his arm, "We weren't going to mention that ever again! Remember?!" You attempt to be angry, but you can't help it and end up smiling.

"Okay, well now I'm curious since you two are bringing this up." Minho says with a glint in his eye.

"Y/n may or may not have had one when I slept over, and I woke up to her moaning and hump--"

This time it was your turn to slap a hand over his mouth, "Jiji, Sungie, my love, my sweet sweet SWEET best friend. I don't want to kill you, but I will." You say in a dulcet tone.

He raised his hands, eyes wide and nodded his head. You couldn't help but laugh, apparently you're a giggly drunk too.

Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw Chan adjusting himself in his pants. But then you reminded yourself that it was just wishful thinking and an alcohol induced hallucination. Horny hallucination. God you needed to get over him and under someone else. This unrequited shit wasn't for you.

"I'm so never going to drop this you know, I wanna know what the hell happened." Minho smirked at you, to which you flipped him off jokingly.

It's Seungmin's turn next, and he's just staring at Jeongin with a blank face, "Have you ever had a one night stand?"

He pauses for a moment and then finally answers, "No, I haven't."

He looked at you now, asking his question, "You know what I have to ask now, right?"

"Go ahead." You challenge, fully prepared to choke down another shot and not answer his question, and he smiles.

"What's one of your kinks?"

You were unprepared for that question. And how could you know he would ask that, these men like to fuck around with your head.

"Relax, I just wanted to see your reaction." He says before chuckling.

You glared at him for a moment, halfheartedly. They think they can just retract questions when they get scared that they went too far. Screw that, you're answering.

"I guess the most simple one I have is edging." You shrug.

"The most simple one?!" Hyunjin asked.

"What are you a masochist? Edging is the worst, feels like torture to me." Ji says.

"But the build up is so delicious, and the end result is so worth it. It's so intense." Felix chimes in, "Choking too, that can be intense." 

"Hm, breath play might actually be my favorite." You admit.

"Damn y/n." Ji says, eyeing you with a smile, "You're full of surprises, even to this day." 

You shrug again, "Everyone has different kinks... What's one of yours?" You ask him.

He ponders for a moment, "I like being dommed sometimes."

"Big surprise." Minho says and you all laugh.

"Good one though," You nod, "That's one of mine too."

"I think I'm an exhibitionist, to an extent of course." Hyunjin says next.

"That's also not a surprise." Minho replies.

You can't help but let your eyes wander over to Chan again, while everyone else is sharing different things they're into in bed. The liquor has everyone speaking loosely. But Chan doesn't seem to care about it anymore.

You find him staring right back at you, that same look in his eyes from earlier, and you feel heat spread in your stomach, and wetness starts to pool in your panties. Maybe you weren't imagining things.

But you don't notice that Ji's observing both of you in his drunken haze. Not too faded to ignore you and Chan eye-fucking each other.

Your heart starts racing the longer you hold eye contact, and you start shifting uncomfortably on his lap, before looking away and deciding to get up.

"Alright... I need some bread to soak up this alcohol, and then I need to get home because it's already 2 in the morning." You say with a shaky breath.

"Yeah, I'm wasted right now," Jeongin says and stands, "Bed's a good idea. Goodnight everyone." And he leaves to his room.

Ji grabs your wrist, preventing you from moving, "You're not going anywhere. We're all drunk, you can't drive and no one can bring you back home."

"Fiiiiiiine," You say, "but I still want bread."

"You and your bread fixation whenever you drink." Minho mumbles, heading to the kitchen anyways to grab you some.

When he comes back he hands it to you and you start munching away happily, doing a little dance.

Meanwhile, Felix is trying to tug Chan's arms to make him stand up, but he's fighting him on it and whining. Clearly he exceeded his limit tonight drinking. He probably won't even remember the looks he was giving you, you think.

"I don't wanna go to bed." Chan whines.

Felix finally succeeds in pulling him up, "C'mon mate, you definitely need to sleep this off. You'll be miserable tomorrow. Let's get you some water too, hmm?"

Chan reluctantly holds his arm, and follows him down the hall, stumbling over his own two feet along the way. You can't help but laugh at the sight.

More of the boys say goodnight and head off to their rooms, but Ji and Minho stay with you in the living room, chatting a little longer before bed.

Ji starts going through his bags, determined that you left some pajamas here from when you slept over previously, and he kept them in a bag to give back to you. He pulls out the nightie, that you honestly forgot you brought here. But you see why you didn't ever wear it at the time. It's dark green, spaghetti straps and has lace along the bust line. It also has slits on each side of your thigh, and only covers you to the middle of your thighs. Your go to sleepware was always nighties or large tees, they're comfortable and sometimes you get hot at night. Mix in the fact that you were drinking tonight? You're already feeling overheated. But wearing this?

"Jiiiiiii, don't you have any t-shirts I can wear?" You whine.

He's already under the covers, fighting sleep, "Sorry babe... haven't done laundry... Nothing clean..."

You whine again before taking it and heading across the hall into one of the bathrooms. It was this or sleep in your sweats, and that idea sounded entirely too suffocating to you.

You slip the nightie on and brush your teeth with your designated toothbrush you had there. Jisungs idea, after you had too much tequila one night and he diligently held your hair back as you got sick.

You sigh as you're leaving, and make your way towards Ji's room. Before you reach the door though, Chan walks out of his room. He's in a black tank top, and red boxer briefs... your eyes immediately trail down and go wide. His outline clear as day. But you change your view quickly, hopefully before he notices.

It doesn't help though, now all you're doing is eyeing his arms, the muscles cut throughout them. The veins that trail all the way down to his hands. God, his hands... What wouldn't you let those hands do to you...

He scratches the back of his head, and the movement snaps you out of your gaze. You find him staring back at you for a second before answering, "Sorry, I'll just..."

You start to shake your head, "No, no. No reason to apologize." You chuckle and start shifting on your feet. You feel the skirt of your nightie swaying with you. It opened the slit wider, and Chan immediately looked down at your exposed thigh. He inhaled quietly, sucking in air through his nose.

Any other day, you'd be scrambling to cover yourself. Feeling insecure and too bare. You don't know if it was the liquor in you, but tonight? Being on display? It turned you on.

You clenched your thighs together, almost involuntarily, and Chan didn't miss that.

Time seemed to be moving too slow. He stepped towards you, nearly closing the gap between you. He's only inches away, and looking down on you. His eyes have that dark, smoldery look again. He raised his hand and brushed the curls off your face and behind your ear. When he rests his palm against your cheek, your eyes flutter shut and you lean into his touch. It's so warm, and comforting. As if it was always meant for you.

When you open your eyes, you can clearly see the lust in his is only growing. He's not holding it back anymore, biting his lip as he stares at you. You almost whimper in anticipation.

"This is your opportunity to walk away if you're not okay with me kissing you." He says lowly.

You closed your eyes, and his lips met yours. The first few seconds were sweet and soft. Almost too innocent for the heat of the moment, but then he deepened it. He was pulling you by the waist into him, running his hands down and resting them on your ass. You could easily feel how hard he was for you, even through the thin fabrics. This time you let the whimper out, and he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth. When you tried to do the same, he didn't give you the chance. Instead he slipped his tongue in. It was like he was lost in desire, and greedy for more. You couldn't help it when your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

He groaned and started backing you into the wall, his lips never leaving yours. He grabbed your thighs in each hand, and hoisted you up, slotting himself between them. Your legs naturally wrapped around him, and he started rocking his length against you. His pace was achingly slow, but still delicious.

You moaned and slipped a hand up to the nape of his neck, grabbing a fistful of hair. He breaks the kiss and throws his head back with his eyes closed. He half hisses, half groans, and you can't help but rock your hips against him harder, hoping to hear more. He grips your thigh tighter, and leans down to press a quick kiss to your neck, before licking and sucking on it. He's meeting each roll of your hips with rough thrusts. And even clothed, you feel how perfectly he's rubbing your clit.

Your head is so clouded with need. Need to be touched. Need to touch him. Need to feel him inside of you. You don't even think twice when he glides his hand up your stomach, and over your breasts. He gives one a light squeeze before moving up to wrap his fingers around your neck, and your brain loses all sense for a moment.

He's just resting his hand there, but you wish he'd do more. You're not sure if this man knows just how pliant you are for him right now.

Then he brings his lips to your ear and whispers, "Can I touch you?"

His warm breath gives you chills, and you nod your head as best as you can. But that doesn't suffice him, he stops his movements against you and his grip around your throat tightens. You think you could probably get off on it if he tightens his fingers just a bit more, but he doesn't, instead he says, "I'm going to need words, babygirl."

Your hips buck into him, and you breathe out a quiet "Yes. Please..."

With that, he yanks your face closer to his by your neck. He's squeezing ever so slightly tighter around your throat. He bites your lip and you groan. But he's quick to silence you with his tongue.

Letting go, he trailed his hand back down your body and to your core. Slowly he started to rub you through the thin lace. You were so sensitive, that when he found your clit and pressed a circle into it. You couldn't help but breathe out his name. He pushed your panties to the side, and when he felt you for the first time you felt him smile against your lips.

"Babygirl... fuck, you're so wet for me." 

And as he whispered that, he slipped a finger in you. He set a steady pace, dragging against your walls with a curl. Each pump hitting your sweet spot, and the heel of his hand creating delightful friction against your swollen bud. His breathing was heavy in your ear, breaking through all your helpless whimpering. When he added a second finger, you couldn't hold back anymore.

"Chan..." You moaned louder this time, while simultaneously letting your head drop against the wall with a thud.

He pulled his lips off of you, eyes wide when he met yours. He started blinking as if he was coming back to reality. When he looked into your eyes again, he looked startled.

"What's wrong?" You pant, feeling hot and dizzy, wishing he would keep moving his hands.

Instead, he quickly slips his fingers out of you, and sets your feet on the floor. Then he backs away.

"I'm sorry, y/n... I don't know what came over me, that was incredibly inappropriate and out of character." Chan mumbled.

Your heart sinks, as you feel the sting of rejection. Tears threatened to well in your eyes, and you immediately felt the oncoming headache from holding them back. You shouldn't feel so emotional and upset. This was all spur of the moment. But you do, you feel devastated.

Regardless, you clear your throat, "I understand." You force an unsettling chuckle out, when a sob threatens to escape instead.

He puts on a blank face that feels so cold, and responds with "Don't forget to drink some water, stay hydrated... I'll be heading to bed now, you should too."

All you really want to say is don't leave, because you want to finish what was started. Because you've wanted this for so long. Because the box you kept away in the depths of your heart had ripped open once again. And all the languished emotions were here, front and center, aching to bear it all to him. To let him see. Confess. But that would be selfish, he's clearly uncomfortable with it all. He probably regrets it. An alcohol induced affair. In his eyes, a complete mistake. 

So instead you say, "Okay."

Because that's all you can muster before the tears start to fall. You turn away,  going back to facing Ji's door. 

"Goodnight y/n... Sleep well." He says, and puts a tentative hand on your shoulder.

You shrug it off, and escape to Ji's bedroom. To your surprise he's sitting up in bed, and ushering you come to him with his arms open and bottom lip pouted out.

You run to him, a bit dramatically and fall a part in his arms. But you can't help it, you sealed these emotions away for too long. You were too hurt at the moment to even try pushing them back down.

Jisung is your life saver, he's comforting you, rubbing his fingers on your scalp and rocking you back and forth to try and calm you. He gives you time before you have to explain why exactly you're having a melt down.

"Chan's an idiot." He finally says.

And you lean back to look at him, confused on how quickly he's put two and two together.

"Well you weren't exactly quiet. Between your exaggerated moans and his animalistic grunting right outside my door, of course I heard it." He rolled his eyes jokingly and that earned a laugh from you.

You smacked him lightly, "I was lost in the moment... don't judge me."

"Jagi..." He says, and wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, "You've liked him for so much longer than a moment."

Your heart starts pounding faster again. How could he know that. It's the one thing you've kept from him, from everyone, hell you even denied it to yourself for as long as possible. Was it that obvious? Who else knows? You go to speak, fear written across your face.

"No. You were not obvious, in fact you're an amazing actor. I'm sure none of the other members noticed, and definitely no one else at work knew." He answers before you can even get words out.

You nod slowly, "So then, how'd you know?"

He smiled proudly, "I'm a people watcher, I see all."

You smack him again, a little harder this time.

"Alright, alright, but I really did see all the looks you'd give him when no one else was watching... I know what longing looks like, and..." he trailed off.

You knew that wasn't all, "And?"

"Aaaaand... maybe that night you had that wet dream. You were moaning his name while humping the pillow..."

"You never told me that!" You shoved your head into your hands, distraught.

"Well I didn't want to embarrass you! I honestly didn't think you looked at any of us that way until then. Like I said, a good actor. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready to."

You sighed, "I'm sorry. It's just a stupid crush, it'll pass."

"You're grown, you don't have to apologize to anyone for liking someone. But y/n," He cupped your cheek forcing you to look at him again, "this isn't just a simple crush, is it?"

With that question, you felt the tears spilling all over again. He pulled you to lay down with him, holding you tight against him and letting you cry it all out. Somewhere between his low humming, and your quiet weeping, you fell asleep.

When you blink the sleep away from your eyes the next morning, you're still entangled with Ji. He's literally wrapped around you like a koala.

You snort out a laugh and go to check the time on your phone. 7:30 am, entirely too early. You decide to try and fall back asleep, but last night's events rush back to you. Dread fills your chest, and your fight or flight kicks in. You're trying to gently escape Ji's hold, and not hyperventilate. The latter is more difficult but, since that man can sleep through anything, you were able to succeed.

You get changed back into your clothes, and leave a note for him saying that you're leaving and you'll text him when you get home. You can't bear to face Chan, let alone anyone else who might've heard you two last night. So you decide to skip out on the usual coffee and breakfast routine. You all have that tradition after a drunken night, but you know Ji will cover for you with everyone anyways.

You're rushing down the hall, wanting to grab your things and head for the door. Panic is starting to bubble over, and you're haphazardly covering yourself up to be unnoticeable. As you're slipping the mask over your face, a voice stops you.

"Morning... don't you want to stay for breakfast?"

You can't bring yourself to look at Chan, those words only setting the box of emotions in your heart on fire. You know he only means it in the way that it is an unbroken tradition. No matter how sick one of you gets, group breakfast is a must for recuperation. No one has skipped it in the months you've been doing it. We all take care of each other. But the idea makes your mouth bitter, because you wish it was just you two. Alone. Making breakfast the morning after earth shattering sex. And the fact he doesn't mean it in that way in the slightest makes tears prick back into your eyes.

Yes, you know you're being petty. You should stick it through for your friends. Take a page from Chan and act like nothing ever happened. You just can't find it inside you to care, you need to go home and lick your wounds before facing anyone here again. Call it childish, but you didn't care.

You're struggling to find words and just blurt out, "No thanks." And rush out the door, heading to the safety of your car.

You left Chan standing there. Unbeknownst to you, hurting just as much.

Special thank you to @jeonginsleftcheek who encouraged me through finishing this! I had finished it, and then accidentally deleted the entire ending. But in turn, that was a good thing I think... because now there'll be a part 2! If you'd like to be added to a taglist, let me know and I'll start one! Feedback is always cherished, but be gentle pleeeeeeeease ♡

[casinoquartet]

[long] U TURNED ON ASKS YIPPEE!!! hi i’m that recent anon, i love ur posts so much :))) thank you for everything, and the fic you linked was incredible! that facet of swagdoons in which red is so so painfully genuinely in true love with ash, under all the layers of power plays, through the real pain of each and every one of ash’s betrayals… i will die!!!! and thank you (& your friends) for posting about the casino quartet, i am soooo thankful for the introduction to the best polycule ever. one thing i love about the casino quartet is how clown and branzy are obnoxiously public (people know so many details that they really did not need to know) (hence people feel so confident that they’re genuinely devoted & reliant on each other that they’ll try to use one against the other) (prime example: the season 3 obsidian trap), while ash and red are obnoxiously private (no one understands what the fuck is ever going on between them) (no one knows how to manipulate their dynamic, no one can properly account for their incomprehensible relationship while trying to strategize) (prime example: boosfer’s phobias video). i like to imagine that clownzy are the closest people to the internal workings of swagdoons (they see the domestic arguments & the intimacy behind closed doors, listen to their private rants about each other, were present for some of the loaded swagdoons history that ash and red don’t even really talk about themselves). also i watched zam’s first stream of the hardcore smp yesterday [8/21/2022] and i find it so funny how ash will bring up clownzy and clown will bring up swagdoons. (ash announces he’s going to recite “the bible: part 2” and reads aloud a clownzy angst fanfiction; clown says in the middle of a formal meeting that red should sit on ash’s lap because they’re swagdoons). why are they always like this. and idk if you feel much interest in the latest season of the kaboodle smp but i’m really hoping for some clown x ash homosexualities, to fill out the casino quartet dynamics. as of now, we’ve got clown immediately showing vaguely gay interest towards ash, the mysterious teleporting guy in a suit who violently glitched into a server-wide campfire meeting out of nowhere. (clown: “ooh, who are you~?” ash, who otherwise doesn’t show interest in anyone or anything besides gaining riches: “…where do i know you from?”) (ash: teleports in, kills someone’s pet cat, teleports out. everyone, rightfully: WHAT THE FUCK?! clown: shocked delighted laughter.) (everyone is stuck unable to interact with ash, who keeps ignoring all conversation to ask for valuables. but clown swiftly catches on to ash’s rhythm and uses an emerald to try to bribe ash to follow him & tell him his name, as if ash is a cat. it somewhat works.) (after ash leaves, clown tells the others that he’ll “keep an eye on” the new stranger, who will be “safe in [his] hands”.) i watched this all go down from our beloved ivorycello’s POV [7/1/2023]. anyway uh. hiiii and thank you & all you other regular swagdoonsers on tumblr for the friendly reception :) i’m so excited for lifesteal season five plotlines. for some reason i’ve been Thinking about the intro to season 5 in which everyone gathers around in a circle waiting to start, ash sees this and places himself at the center to make an impromptu dramatic speech LOL, and red is the first to step in with him to tell him to go back to his spot. i’m choosing to imagine this as another instance of the god complex bf with enough power to back it up x the only guy who can rein him in and is bizarrely casual & familiar about it dynamic. ok i’m out ✌️ love you /p

[very long response under the cut]

HI ANON!!! glad that you enjoyed my post and the fic i recced in the tags!!! it’s one of my fav fics and your post Really reminded me of it so!!! i’m glad you enjoyed it!!!!! (loves reccing fics) me when reddoons and loyalty and how it plays into swagdoons . (<- i remember i made a post responding to something i found on lsheadcanons about vampire!ash and human!red that Could be used for a metaphor about swagdoons and loyalty . something something about red Literally fueling ash out of choice)

anyways!! WELCOME TO THE CASINO QUARTET ENJOYER GANG!!!! they r my absolute beloveds, god bless. and you’re SO RIGHT clownzy would do so much pda in public and be all mushy (but in the Worst times possible . i am talking about mushy flirting while they are being chased down by the authorities while ash and red are screaming at them to stop and focus on running away. anyways) but i think?? you’re referring to the trap where branzy is held ransom by purple duo and heh as to get clown to “save” him? but yeah . they’re always so closely associated with each other that even in small things (ex someone in the start of s5 warning someone that branzy “knows a guy” in reference to clown) and since branzy is the “weaker” of the two tbh i’m not surprised if someone holds branzy for ransom again this season (i’ve heard whispers of them teaming up again this season so !!!)

but even though there’s been a lot of acknowledgement by other cc’s, there’s not any. record of someone taking advantage of their relationship yet? like you said the closest thing is the one of them is lying video but like, that video was arguably where swagdoons showed their trust the Most (esp with cheating during spilt or steal . that was SO them) but. yeah the way their relationship is very subtle . there’s no real massive declaration of love but small moments (which. i think why there’s SO many swagdoons clips that r just small gestures but swagdoons enjoyers still go BONKERS over <- big enjoyer of their streams for that reason) (and as a result i associate the song “no big deal (i love you)” by dodie with them . a lot of the one is about not verbally saying i love you but. yk. the love is still there and strong . love that song in general so <3) but Yeah i do also like the idea that clownzy r one of the Only people who see swagdoons be domestic with each other in full . something something about casino quartet being domestic and trusting each other so much here willing to stop all of the facade and be vulnerable with each other

but LMAOOOOO that hardcore stream goes so hard . the bible part 2 caught me so off guard when i watched it like LMAO????? it’s fantastic . also in that same stream zam is like “the bible part 3: ash nd red were walking down the street” and swagdoons are INSTANTLY shutting him down and telling him to stop (this is a recurring thing for some reason apparently zam mentioned swagdoons during vidcon and got hit with a ball i response but also zam did say swagdoons made out in the dennys so ???? idk anymore) but ooooo i didn’t know about clown mentioning swagdoons . maybe i should check that out (i was only skimming through the void so…that is something for me to check out)

and i am watching kemp rn too! except i am only watching from ash’s pov, which is. a time for sure. he has already made a deal with god and figured out how to exploit his glitching thing. but ash WAS looking at clown when he teleported into the campground and defrost was like O_O at clown so. tbh i’m kinda excited to see where they go since they might have a “hold up…do i know you?” moment (and if ur interested there is a fic of them …….clown and ash my beloved) (and here’s the clown and ash meowing clip if you so desire . this clip is the clip of All Time) but hearing what the rest of the conversation with the ksmp members afterwards is INTERESTING when i just watched ash teleport away and go “i hate it here’ LMAOOO ……..that is interesting of clown though……..i wanna see them together more ……like an enclosure

AND S5!!!! i am so excited for s5 of them …..idk who’s pov you watched but in ash’s pov he Did mention wanting to team with branzy, red, and clown SOOOOOOOO ………. <- he also said this last season and that didn’t end up happening . i am going off of copium /silly

but i Do think swagdoons r gonna have a more power dynamic-y relationship this season esp with the whole free market stuff (and at least. according to red’s stream today he Said that lala legion were trying to look for camelot’s old base so…….. eyes emoji. what’s up with that) BUT YEAH!!!! lots fo exciting stuff bc i’ve also heard clownzy might team up again. …….. casino quartet nation is winning

IDK IF ANY OF THOSE RANTS MADE SENSE hopefully i didn’t miss anything and i was. semi on topic BUT !!! YEAH!!!!!! love u 2 anon /p ur asks r lovely :)

[dahtwitchi]

on ao3

Lalala~ Let’s continue the sweet gestures between them! What? …hand to face is my love aesthetic between them, I promise. Also, it was the quickest way Tobirama could get Madar to open his mouth, I'm sure :’D 

closeups

[80pairsofcrocs]

baby scarab || 57

@jasminemohmed - hi! I am new to tumblr could I make a request? what if Marc takes baby scarab with him to visit his father in Chicago and Elias asking him if she's his daughter, and shows her around?

~~~

@yassmeenabass-deactivated2022101 - hey could I request for baby scarab? what if she goes with marc to visit marc's father in chicago and him showing her the city and elias asking marc if she's his daughter

~~~

A/N : sorry for leaving it unedited for a while, ignore if you already read this and werent tagged until now

masterlist - marvel masterlist - series masterlist

A/N : THERE IS NO MORE SCHEDULE, IM SORRY also thank you all sm for the support and requests :)))

please enjoy, and don't be shy if you want to be in the taglist, just ask <3, sorry for the long wait

pairings : steven grant x (platonic)reader, marc spector x (platonic) reader, khonshu x (platonic)reader, jake lockley x (platonic)reader

TW : medicine (pills), spidey stuff, mentions of violence, language, angst, very rushed and hard to read. let me know if i missed anything.

~~~

today was the day. you had to go apologize to casper’s family for potentially getting him killed.

you brought a small bouquet of flowers for casper, they were lilies since he told you he thought they were pretty.

marc was walking with you down the sidewalk, holding onto your hand that wasn’t occupied with the flowers to make sure you were comfortable, and wouldn’t sneak away and hide back at home.

he was also going to be talking to grace, to explain everything to her.

she was grateful while talking to him on the phone, grateful for you and marc for making sure his son was safe.

you both walked up to the door and marc knocked, only waiting a couple seconds before the door opened.

grace had answered the door, and she gave a genuine smile to both of you.

it was small, but it was there.

“come in, there are snacks if you’d like any” grace says gently, gesturing for you and marc to come inside and you do.

you just stood in the foyer, while marc and grace stood talking in hushed voices at the island that was in the middle of the kitchen.

grace looked to you for a moment before smiling again.

“casper is in his room. he mentioned wanting to talk to you” she says and you nod, slowly making your way inside the house and towards casper’s door.

you heard grace and marc talking, but you didn’t want to know what they were saying.

it was probably bad anyways.

casper’s door was only open a sliver, and you just stood there staring at it for a second before knocking on the doorframe.

you heard movement until the door opened, and you were face to face with casper.

he surprisingly grinned at you and opened the door wider for you to come in, so you do hesitantly and silently.

“casper.. i’m sorry-“

“don’t. don’t even start” he begins, so you sigh and hold up the flowers.

“i got these for you. it’s- it’s stupid..” you shake your head, deciding to stare down at your shoes.

casper takes them from your hand gently, and after that you put your hands in your pockets.

he smiles and stares down at them, recognizing them. “my favorite. you remembered” he says and you nod, avoiding looking at him at all.

“it’s literally the least i could do” you mumble.

“you remembered because you’re a good person” casper points out and you scoff.

“i wasn’t a good person when i murdered someone in front of you” you start, and casper’s smile fades. “you almost died just because you know me” you finally look up to him.

“it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know-“

“casper stop! do you know what that would’ve done?! if you died?!” you exclaim, making him just stare in silence to let you finish your rant.

“think about your family, it would’ve torn them apart. you are all they have, and i almost took that away” you take a heavy breath.

“and it would’ve been on me. i’m lucky marc got there in time or.. you would’ve..” you can’t finish the sentence, and that’s when casper sets the flowers down on his desk to come up to you, taking your shoulders in his hands.

“but it didn’t happen that way-“

“why aren’t you mad at me?” you cut him off and he blinks at you a few times, making you think of the worst.

“you’re scared of me” you state and casper’s eyes widen.

“no i’m not! i could never” he shakes his head, but you give him a look.

“casper.. i…. i think we should maybe.. take a break. see other people” you change the subject and you could almost hear his heart stop.

“..what..? you don’t-“

“you’re not safe with me, you’d be better off with somebody else” you feel tears gather in your eyes.

“i don’t want somebody else, i want you” he argues but you take his hands off your shoulders.

“but i put you in danger, you have to understand that” you try to reason and he shakes his head with a stern look on his face.

“i am in love with you, y/n!” he raises his voice, making your mouth snap shut to listen to him.

“i- i wouldn’t be able to do this without you, and nothing can change that. ever”

“i killed someone, casper” you say quietly but he just scoffs.

“he was already dead to begin with, and he was manipulating you, and you know it” he starts. “he wanted you to ‘lose’ everything so that you would join them” he puts the word lose in air quotes.

you just stare up and nod slowly.

“i’m sorry” you let a tear fall halfway down your cheek. “i’m so sorry” casper pulls you to him gently, wrapping his arms around you while you bury your face in his neck.

you feel yourself choke on a sob before throwing your arms around casper’s neck while you freely cry into his shoulder.

casper was perfectly patient. he waited for you to calm down, and he would wait as long as it took no matter what.

it was only 5 minutes that went by where you made no move to detach yourself from him, but you did so eventually.

you refused to look up at him though, opting to stare at the floor again.

“please look at me” casper whispers, not able to bring his voice any louder.

he had tears in his eyes as well, but he refused to let them fall.

you slowly look up to him, so that you were looking him in the eye.

“say it wasn’t your fault. i need you to mean it this time” he tells you, and you hesitate before opening your mouth, bottom lip still wobbling.

“i.. it wasn’t my fault” you say quietly while bringing your arms around yourself to appear smaller.

“you saved me. you and your dad, you’re both heroes” he tells you and you look back up at him.

“are you sure?” you ask and he nods, lifting his hands up to hold your face in them.

“i’ve never been more sure about anything in my life” he tells you honestly.

you felt yourself smile a bit against your will, so you lean forward quickly to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

casper smiles at you, and takes you into another hug, this time you smile as well.

“i’m so glad you’re okay. i promise i’ll never let that happen again, i swear” you tell him and he nods.

“i’m counting on it” casper grins.

~~~

meanwhile with grace and marc, she was explaining how the whole situation wasn’t a big deal since casper was saved, but there was another issue.

reginald.

he acted as if he didn’t care that his son almost died, which broke graces heart.

she loved her kids, but reginald didn’t even try with them. always pointing out their mistakes and dragging them down.

he hasn’t even been home, claiming to be on a business trip.

“it’s hard because i can’t find a decent paying job, and reginald is our only source of income” grace starts.

“if i could have it my way, i would’ve left him a long time ago. he just.. he has a hold over me” she sighs and marc nods.

“if you need a place to stay with no strings attached, i know someone who could help you out” he says softly and grace smiles gratefully at him.

“as much as i’d like to, i can’t. it was til death do us part, and besides this is the only place my children have known” she explains.

“if you’re sure then i won’t pressure you, but if you change your mind our door is always open” marc tells her and she nods.

that was when you and casper both came out of his room, and marc looked at you with that one look on his face.

you just raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a thumbs up with pursed lips.

“i’m guessing it went well?” grace asks, noticing the flowers casper had in his hand.

well, the hand that wasn’t holding yours.

you could tell marc was about to say something, but his phone, which was sitting face up on the arm of the couch next to him started ringing, and it displayed a name you didn’t recognize.

marc’s eyes widened a fraction and turned his phone to silent, slipping it into his pocket.

he cleared his throat. “well uh.. we better get going then” marc starts. “you both need to actually go to school tomorrow” he finishes his sentence while getting up.

grace gave him a thankful smile, to which he returned it.

“thank you grace, for understanding the situation” marc says, coming towards you to guide you towards the door, causing you to leave casper’s side to follow.

you could barely say goodbye to casper or grace before marc rushed the both of you out, speed walking down the sidewalk while marc’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

“marc, who’s elias?” you ask but he doesn’t answer.

elias. the name that was displayed on the screen of marcs phone.

you didn’t know anyone by the name, and you were almost sure he didn’t either.

well, not so sure now.

“marc-“

“nobody, let’s just get home”

“but-“

“y/n please” he breaths out and you nod once.

“sorry” you mumble, and he just keeps walking.

~~~

marc had gone to take a call about a half hour ago.

he locked himself in the bathroom to talk to whoever this was and you could count the amount of times he said something decent on one hand.

though it was a bit muffled through the door, you could hear that he tried to keep quiet and ended up gritting out words through his teeth.

you heard him mention steven a few times too.

you really weren’t trying to eavesdrop, but you couldn’t help that you had extremely sensitive hearing now.

you could even hear neighbors washing dishes.

about a floor below you.

marc frustratingly unlocks the door and walks out, making eye contact with you.

“how much did you hear?” he questions and you shrug.

“close to nothing” you say semi honestly.

he just shortly nods and you notice a change in posture before realizing that jake was the one coming over to sit next to you.

“i hope marc knows i didn’t mean to upset him earlier” you speak into the air.

“he does” marc himself speaks up.

“..he’s having a rough time right now, princesa. it’s..” jake tries to find the right words but just ends up completely rewording it.

“it’s his father. his- our? father is who marc was on the phone with” jake starts to explain.

“and we haven’t seen him since.. since well… wendy’s shiva” he tells you in a more hushed voice.

you nod and look down at your knees, just thinking.

you should never have said anything. it’s not like you knew but you were insensitive.

“but you didn’t go in, is that why you don’t want to see him?” steven asks marc.

“well that and the fact that y/n has to go to school tomorrow” he starts and you sigh. “she already missed her first day and i can’t just leave her here by herself”

“what if i went with you?”

“you’d miss more school”

“well yeah, but marc think about it” you begin. “he probably misses you. how would you feel if i disappeared for years?”

marc stays quiet so you take that as a silent win.

“that’s different. and i’m not telling you how because you saw it” he tells you.

you looked down in thought while jake wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you to him.

“are you.. are you sure you’d want to come with?” marc asks quietly and you nod, looking at him through a small handheld mirror on the coffee table.

he just sighs and brings his hands up to dig the heels of his palms into his eyes.

“fuck it” he scoffs at himself. “we’re going to america”

~~~

so that’s how you ended up where you were now.

in a private jet that jake somehow owned, claiming he knew a guy.

your first time in a plane was to go to america while marc was having an internal crisis.

he sat across from you staring out of the window while you chewed on some ice to try and get your ears back to normal after they popped when you took off.

you felt terrible leaving casper, but he told you it was completely fine and he’ll be there waiting for when you get back.

but first you made him promise to be safe and have some sort of weapon on him just in case on his walk to school the next day.

you both already missed your first day of senior year, and now you were missing your second and possibly third.

all because of the situation.

you didn’t feel like thinking about it right now or ever again just for the sake of your sanity.

what you had to think about was the fact that he wasn’t lying when he said he loved you and it was okay.

“so, first time in america, yeah? me too- well- not exactly actually” steven starts, but ends up mumbling to himself.

“what state are we going to?” you ask and steven stops mumbling to answer.

“illinois. chicago to be specific” he starts. “i only remember some things, but i’m sure you’ll enjoy it” he gives you a lopsided smile.

“and are we there yet?”

“about 30 minutes”

you groan out of annoyance at his answer, and lean your head back in your seat.

“jake how did you even afford this?” you ask, referring to the private plane you were currently in.

“i maxed out marc’s credit card a couple years ago” he chuckles to himself.

“i’m sorry, years?” marc scolds his alter. “you’re an ass, you know that?”

“si”

marc just shakes his head then looks to you.

“i can’t believe i’m letting you take a day off school to make me talk to my father” he scoffs. “i mean, the last time i saw him i was drinking outside.. and then i.. that’s when…” you could tell he wasn’t exactly comfortable going into detail about the subject.

“you don’t have to tell me what happened” you start. “what was he like?” you ask instead, hoping he’ll think of good memories.

you felt terrible for marc. ever since you both saw each other’s memories you’ve felt so bad.

he didn’t deserve it, and it certainly wasn’t his fault.

he deserved so much better and he still does. you can tell that he’s suffering a bit inside.

“he always made sure i had a decent birthday, that’s for sure” he smiles to himself. “it would just be me and him in that moment”

“guess you both have something in common, huh?” you ask rhetorically and marc breaks out in a grin.

“i suppose so” he lets out a single laugh.

“i haven’t told him about you though. i was going to surprise him but.. i don’t know how he’ll react. i don’t even know why he decided to call now of all times”

“i’m sure he has a good reason.. maybe he thought you hated him” you suggest.

“what? that’s crazy i could never” marc defends himself.

“well you kinda just disappeared, mate” steven cuts in and marc shrugs.

“i was trying to give you a good life, so you can’t be pissed at me” marc says and you can see steven smiling in the windows reflection.

“so he does show emotion. i see” he says, causing marc to roll his eyes.

this is going to be a long half hour.

~~~

“oh and another thing- cars driver on the opposite sides of the road. can you believe that?” steven rants as the two of you get off the plane at a private runway somewhere in the middle of chicago.

“that’s.. pretty weird, yeah” you agree, seeing a cab pull up next to the exit.

jake fronted and guided you towards it, and you watched a man step out.

the man just gave a single nod to jake before walking away to god knows where.

jake just smiled and waved.

you got into the car, per jakes request and he glanced at you before starting the car.

“thank you for bringing me” you start, earning the attention from marc and steven.

“i know it probably hard for you” you say while looking to marc. “but uhm.. i guess i’ll be the one protecting you this time”

marc just lets out a single laugh, and shakes his head.

“i’ll be okay. we’ll be okay, i mean” he tells you and you nod.

~~~

“is that it?” you ask, looking to the house marc was staring at.

marc fronted right after jake parked, as promised.

“..yeah” he answers.

“…so are you working up the courage to get out of the car?” you ask rhetorically and marc rolls his eyes.

“no, i just regret this already” he mumbles, unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the door, you doing the same.

jake parked across the street, so you both had to cross the road to get to marc’s old home.

he walked as slow as he could on the road, which had almost no cars parked or driving.

he held your hand tightly in his as you walked up the couple steps.

you look to marc and see that he just stared at the door while biting down on his bottom lip.

that was a nervous habit of his, so you squeezed his hand a bit to get his attention.

he looks to you with a small but grateful smile, and takes a deep breath.

“alright, it’s now or never” he slowly brings his other hand up to turn it into a fist and knock on the door.

he seemed to tense after he did, and that’s when you heard quiet footsteps approaching from inside.

you could hear marc’s heartbeat too, and if it were any faster you’d fear for his life.

the door clicks twice before slowly opening, which revealed a man in thick framed glasses.

he reminded you of steven a bit.

he looked almost shocked to see marc, but smiles at him nonetheless.

but when his eyes shifted down to you, he looked almost confused before turning back to marc.

“you really came” he says, and marc gives a single nod.

“i had to. you.. you didn’t do anything wrong. it’s the least i can do” marc tells him quickly, and the man smiles at him before looking back to you.

“who’s this?” he asks, pointing to you.

marc squeezes your hand before answering. “this is my daughter y/n” he starts. “and y/n, this is my father, elias” he introduces.

elias breaks out into a grin, and holds a gentle hand out to you, to which you take it in your own to give a solid shake.

“it’s great to meet you- here, both of you come in, it’s getting cold out” elias offers, so you both go inside.

marc seemed more chill than you thought, since when you were on the plane you and steven made a plan where he would say positive affirmations if he noticed marc getting upset.

you all ended up around the living area, you and marc next to each other on a small couch and elias across you both in an armchair.

“..so, is she laylas?” elias asks gently and marc shakes his head.

“not exactly. we adopted her” he answers and elias raises an eyebrow.

“how long?”

“well we’ve known her since april, and we adopted her in august” marc starts, getting more comfortable. “technically she’s steven and jakes daughter too”

“now i know steven, but who’s jake? is he.. another one” elias asks, trying his best not to be too unknowingly offensive.

marc didn’t take it that way though, and answered. “yeah, jake just kind of appeared one day. and y/n here knew about it and didn’t care to tell us” marc elbows you in the ribs after he was done talking.

you turn to glare at marc, and he just smiles obnoxiously at you.

“would either of you like something to drink?” elias asks, and marc stands up hesitantly with a single nod.

“i can get water for all of us” he volunteers and you smile.

elias smiles as well gratefully. “the cups are all in the same place” he says and marc nods again, leaving the room.

now it was just you and marc’s dad. you could tell he was soft spoken, and most of all you could tell how much he had missed marc.

“you know.. i never expected marc to have kids. a daughter especially” elias tells you and you tilt your head a bit.

“he used to think kids were to fragile for this world. that they were perfect targets” he starts and sighs. “and i believe him. i hated lying to him every time i said his mother would get better”

“you knew? and you didn’t do anything about it?” you ask and elias panics before continuing.

“i did do something about it, i- i couldn’t do anything when i wasn’t home, but if i didn’t go to work everyday my boy would starve. both of them” he says quickly and you understand.

you take it upon yourself to change the subject. “so.. what was marc like as a kid?” you ask, hoping to get some dirt on him.

elias just chuckles before answering. “he used to make fun of his brothers drawing because they were always the same. a fish with only one fin”

that made you perk up. “steven had a fish with only one fin. his name was gus. but he died so now we have a gus the second. with two fins” you basically vomit words while elias smiled at you.

“and how is steven?” he asks.

“he’s good, he’s a nerd and he’s great at cooking even though he’s a vegan. he also had an identity crisis because a long time ago, he didn’t even know marc” you start ranting, and elias is delighted to listen.

“he did have a hard time with the whole khonshu thing though. and he never leaves them alone with moon knight business” you say, referring to khonshu.

“i’m sorry.. moon knight? are you saying that my son is moon knight?” elias asks and your eyes widen.

“no. he’s- i didn’t say he was moon knight” you gaslight, and you can tell he was not believing you at all.

on that note, marc decides to come back in with three glasses of water.

“what’d you guys talk about?” marc asks and you shake your head at elias, hoping he’ll get the message.

“just.. you” he answers and you let out a sigh of relief, taking the water from marc.

“why did you invite me here?” marc asks bluntly.

“i figured you would actually do it now. and i didn’t know if you were still in the marines” elias responds.

“i’ve been out of it for a long time” marc starts. “so why now?” he repeats and elias doesn’t respond.

“kid, why don’t you go wait outside for a bit” marc tells you rather than asking, and you sigh, getting up with a sorry look to elias.

after you were outside, you sat on the first step after closing the door, wondering what marc had to say that he couldn’t in front of you.

khonshu appeared to sit next to you, still towering over you in height.

“hey, i want to say thank you before i forget again” you immediately say to him, to which he tilts his head in confusion.

“for what, child?” he asks and you let out a breath, furrowing your brows right after.

“for saving marc. even if it was just to get another protecter of the night” you start. “you were a manipulative psycho but you still saved him” you look up at khonshu.

he simply nods and looks away from you. “i chose him for two reasons” he begins. “to protect the travelers of the night, and because i knew he was the best candidate. both- all of them” it wasn’t like the god to stammer over his words like that, but he did anyways.

“don’t tell him- them i said that” he tells you, and you nod, making a zipping motion over your lips.

“i won’t, promise. just thank you again, without marc or steven or jake, i would probably be dead in a ditch somewhere” you shrug.

“i doubt that very much” khonshu ends the conversation there, and that’s almost the best he can do with compliments.

with khonshu, what he said basically meant that he believes you could handle yourself just fine.

you and khonshu sat in comfortable silence for about five minutes before the door behind you opened again, revealing marc who was gesturing for you to come back inside.

and you were grateful because it was cold out. you quickly waved to khonshu before getting back up and following marc inside.

you didn’t want to pry, so you refrained from asking marc what happened.

you were now sat back down in the same spots as before, but it was a little less tense. whatever needed to be said or argued was over and both marc and his father were now good.

“so i have a few photo albums if-“

“no” marc interrupts and elias just smiles.

“or you can show her your room?” he offers instead, giving you and marc both an opportunity to be alone.

marc just lets out a breath and purses his lips before basically dragging you back up again to hesitantly bringing you up the stairs.

you sort of recognized the entrance to marc’s old room from when you saw his memories, but saw that a few things were different.

like the walls, they were lighter and more vibrant than you remembered, making the whole house just a bit more comfortable.

marc stopped you before turning to the door. “i don’t remember how i left it. and he said that he hasn’t gone in since i left” he starts, referring to his dad. “so just- don’t make fun of me, okay?” you sense a bit of self consciousness in marc’s voice, so you wordlessly nod.

he opens to door and peaks in before letting you come in as well, watching as you wandered in, eyes going immediately to the poster at the wall.

at the top was ‘tomb buster’ in large print, and in the bottom left corner was what looked like a quote.

‘when danger is here, steven grant has no fear’

you looked back at marc, and saw him already looking at you.

“he had to come from somewhere, right?” you ask and you hear steven stifle a laugh.

“you’re having a better reaction than i did” steven starts. “i always thought i was just me, but it turned out that.. marc just made me up” he tells you and you nod with your eyes cast down towards the floor.

“we talked it all out of course, it was just.. a lot” steven finishes and you nod again.

you then started looking around elsewhere, to which to found a small stack of white paper, all with what appeared to be the same drawing.

all goldfish. with one fin.

you could still sense marc’s eyes on you, so you took no surprise when he spoke up.

“my.. my brother drew those” he starts, voice quiet and timid.

you turn to him to pay attention fully. marc just stared at the picture on top, seeing that it looked like the exact one his brother drew the day he passed.

“i would do anything to go back and change it” he sighs and you walk up closer to him.

“i just hope he knows how much i love him” marc directs towards you with downturned brows.

you just smile sadly up at him. “he knows” you start. “i can sense it”

marc takes that as the go ahead to reach forward and pull you into a hug.

you wrap your arms around is waist to hold onto the back of his shirt.

you felt his shoulders shake a few times while one of his hands traveled up to the back of your head to keep you close to him.

you just held marc for as long as he needed, before there was a small knock at the doorframe.

“oh- i’m sorry for interrupting” elias apologizes, while marc let’s go of you to wipe at his eyes.

“that’s alright” he mumbles and you bring your hands to your pockets.

“i don’t know how long you’re both staying, but i can order some food for you both” elias offers and marc nods.

“i can pay you back”

“that’s alright, it’s the least i can do” elias seems delighted by his choice to stay, and you don’t blame him.

“so what are you both in the mood for?”

~~~

you sat next to marc on one side of the dinner table, while elias sat on the other.

before you ate, both marc and elias did a short blessing to which you waited the patient ten seconds before eating.

you didn’t have much, since you didn’t exactly feel too hungry since just hours earlier both you and casper were having a crisis.

“so y/n shared some interesting news with me earlier” elias starts. “about.. you” he looks to marc who’s darting his eyes to you.

“what was it?” marc asks, and you stare down at your plate in silence.

“she may have accidentally told me that you were…. moon knight- but don’t blame her, she didn’t know that i didn’t know” elias defends you, and marc sighs tiredly.

“well she’s arachnid” he mutters childishly, following the sentence by taking a sip of water from his cup.

“oh i’ve heard of her, i saw her get hit by a car- are you okay?” elias directs the question at you and you shrug.

“mentally or physically?” you ask, and marc elbows you in the ribs, making you wheeze.

elias just watches in amusement. he’d honestly think the two of you acted more like siblings than a father and daughter.

he could see the resemblance between you two by the way you acted. you were completely comfortable with each other and it showed.

“wait- who do you like better? arachnid or that lame ass moon knight?” you ask, earning a scoff from marc.

“watch your language” he grits out.

elias just chuckles. “don’t take this too personally, son, but arachnid is cooler” he answers and you start laughing at the betrayal on marcs face.

marc just shoves you, almost falling off your chair before shooting a web out at his arm so you could pull yourself back up.

he rips the webs off of his sleeve to shove them down the back of your shirt, making you gasp and smack him in the arm.

“douche” you mumble, then look to elias who had a wide smile on his face. “sorry” you say, referring to the language.

“it’s perfectly fine”

now even though you had no idea what went down when you were outside, and realistically marc still has some sort of grudge but you sensed something different now.

he was less tense, as if he had gotten closure. and some selfish part of you thought you were a part of why he got said closure.

now, you and marc had left that night after elias confirmed that you were an official spector now.

it warmed your heart, along with marc’s dads.

he was so happy to find out he had a granddaughter, since he never thought marc would have any kids after what happened with his brother.

marc also happened to go back into the house and take those pictures that roro had drawn all those years ago.

he would keep them safe and cherish them forever.

just like he did with you.

marc had felt almost complete now that almost everyone important in his life had all met.

now all that’s left is for him to help you.

but how would he do that?

were you going to possibly make another stop before you go home?

only your dads know the answer to that.

and that’s how it will stay just until the time comes.

~~~

A/N : sorry this took so long i’m just busy so bear with me. also this chapter is very centered around marc, so the next one with have more of steven and jake. love you guys!!!

~~~

taglist ---

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[kazewhara]

# rules !

XX. dni/byf.

⇢ minors, PLEASE be cautious. the risk of nsfw content is high here. i don't mind you reading non-nsfw things, but if you do come across it, do NOT read it, please.

⇢ racists/homophobes, you are NOT welcome here. i'm black and lgbtq+, so you wouldn't like my stuff anyways. the door, please~ 🚪

⇢ people who invalidate neopronouns, for the love of all that is holy, stay away. thanks.

I. general.

↳ this is a genshin writing blog! i write and reblog x reader content primarily for genshin, but i may write or reblog for bnha as well!

↳ i don't have a problem writing feminine readers (afab or she/they pronouns), but i will take longer to write those, or sometimes, may ignore them altogether for my own personal gender dysphoria reasons. whenever i write these fics, i tend to put myself in the place of the reader, and while i am afab myself, i have a very complicated look on my femininity, and that may reflect in my writing. i don't want to give you guys lackluster drabbles and things of the like because of my personal issues, so please understand that i am heavily biased towards gender neutral readers.

↳ for genshin, i generally only write the male characters, but i am open to writing for female characters as well.

↳ because of the possibility of suggestive/nsfw content, the reader is always aged up (18+). therefore, MINORS, BE CAUTIOUS.

II. requests/asks.

↳ will keep updated in the pinned post, but as of now (10/12), i am taking requests!

↳ my ask box is always open, so don't hesitate to interact, ramble, or share hcs/scenarios with me!

↳ if there is anything that you want to request that i didn't put in the "what i will write" section, feel free to ask in advance or use your best judgement, and i'll try to fulfill your request to the best of my ability!

↳ please keep in mind that i do have a semi-busy schedule, so some things make take longer to come out that others, and i do have the right to decline/delete requests or asks.

III. characters i (mostly) write

↳ albedo, kazuha, aether, xiao, diluc, thoma, & childe.

↳ i write other characters!! but i'm particularly biased towards the ones i listed above!!

IV. what i will write.

⇢ fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, hurt/no comfort, jealousy, aus, yandere, slow burn, friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, strangers to lovers, self-inserts, blood, injury, character/reader death suggestive content (smut), dom!reader. . .

⇢ i will sometimes write (or post) about ocs/self-insert characters i have made!

V. what i will not write.

⇢ dubcon/rape, abuse, incest, excessive gore, self-harm/suicide, underage, vomit. . .

⇢ i will not write the ocs of other people simply because i don't wish to mess up something that you hold dear.

⇢ HOWEVER, if you give me details, i may TRY. the same goes for self-inserts; if you'd like me to write something for you specifically, i'll need details.

VI. miscellaneous

↳ i may hold events! it'd be nice to interact with you guys and a good writing exercise for me if people participated <3

↳ i'm a full time student, so please understand if i move slowly!

↳ i'll be making a google form soon for anybody who wants to be tagged in writing, hcs, or things like that!

↳ this isn't my main blog! if you see @kaedeharq liking stuff or following you, that's me, i'm sorry </3

↳ my spam is @sanzakura ! (even though i kinda.. talk a lot here, anyways.)

↳ i'm still a writer in development, so i apologize in advance for any lackluster writing or typos or anything like that. (also i'm on tumblr mobile;;;)

✧ i don't have a post schedule per se.. this is all for fun, but i do need to keep my brain active! please abide by the rules and let's have fun! ✧

[alirhi]

Loki ranting

Okay. I had this thought in my head of like just compiling links of all the Loki shit I've posted/reblogged so far so that when I get into a conversation about the show and how it fucking disgusted me, I can just be like "here. here's this masterlist post, go read all this shit. This is my entire argument, and not only mine, but a lot of stuff posted by people far more intelligent and level-headed and eloquent than I am, whom I happen to agree with." Because the alternative is constantly getting fired up all over again, and that is exhausting.

BUT! I'm stupid and don't know how tumblr works. Apparently I can't just be like "give me all the Loki-tagged shit I've got" I can only search all the Loki-tagged shit on all of tumblr. And I'm not scrolling back through all of my posts. I talk too fucking much for that shit 😂

So, I'll try to remember all of my grievances with how the MCU has treated Loki, and all of the excellent posts made by other, equally upset fans, and put it all together here under this nice, neat little cut for everyone else's sanity and scrolling convenience...

For people who actually read my shit fairly regularly - bless you, you crazy, patient people. I love you! - this is going to be a lot of repetition of shit you've already read. Probably at least twice. I'm passionate and I have a terrible memory lol. Sorry.

Anyway, first, for those who don't know me and haven't been following my explosions of rage for the past couple of months, some quick background: I do not read comic books, so Loki's Marvel comic canon means nothing to me. I know almost nothing about it. The reason I'm so in love with the character in the MCU is because I am an eclectic witch and the deity I've actively loved and worshiped the longest in my life (literally for as long as I can remember) is Loki. So when he was mentioned in The Mask, I squeed. When they named Matt Damon's character after him in Dogma, I cheered.

When Thor came out in 2011, I just about died from happiness. I was hungry for any representation of this underappreciated god, no matter what it was. I didn't even bitch about how underpowered he was, because at least he was there. But I'm getting slightly ahead of myself.

I can hear anyone reading this going "Why Loki? Isn't he, like, evil? Like basically the Norse version of The Devil?" Because I heard all this shit irl all the fucking time. And no. So let me give you a quick rundown of who Loki actually is.

Loki is a Trickster God. He's often referred to as the God of Mischief. He is not and never was evil, simply chaotic and hedonistic. Loki Laufeyjarson was the son of Laufey (that's mama; they changed her to a man for some reason in the movie) and Fárbauti. Right from the start, from his name, we get a sign of how Loki goes against traditional norms of the time, because in Norse culture, families were patrilineal, and surnames were "son/daughter of father" (which would have made him Loki Fárbautitason), not the mother. But Loki's surname is matrilineal. Feminist icon woo! lol

Though he's a Jotunn, Loki is counted among the Gods (Aesir) in Norse tradition. Depending on his mood, he is alternately helpful or disruptive to the other Gods. I'm not gonna sit and teach a whole text class on him lol but I'll use my favorite example of Misunderstood Loki - the conception of Sleipnir!

So, get this shit. This is also part of why I DO NOT follow Odin and never fucking will (a very small part, but still part of the reason). So, the other Norse Gods are petty motherfuckers, and they wanted some shit built but didn't want to pay the dude doing the building. So they were like "okay, if you can get it done in X amount of time, we'll pay you, but if you can't manage it NO MATTER WHAT, this whole thing is free." And they made sure he had NO help, nothing but him, his materials, and his Very Good Horsey. And this guy and his horse were fucking BAMFs. So it was looking like he was definitely gonna get it done in time, and Odin was like "nah, fuck that shit. I'm cheap." and so he sent Loki to distract the work horse. Loki transformed into a mare and lured the horse away, got fucked, got pregnant, gave birth to the 8-legged (for some reason) horse Sleipnir. Odin rides Loki's son into battle. Um. Kay.

So Loki helped Odin be a petty mf, and Odin got himself a new pet out of the deal.

Oh, also, because he's smart af and a shapeshifter and a master magician and genderfluid, Loki "fails" to fit the super fucking toxic and narrow Norse/Aesir view of "a real man". He prefers intelligence and manipulation to solve problems rather than violence, he's not afraid to behave like a clown if it gets shit done, and that grosses the Aesir out, so they constantly ridicule him for being "less than a man".

Loki is the God of the outcast and the misunderstood. The marginalized people from all walks of life. He is the God of the LGBT community. In modern terms, he's pansexual, polyamorous (married to Sigyn and they are deeply in love, but boy gets around and I've never seen any indication that Sigyn gives a shit) and genderfluid.

Okay. Focus, Ali. This is part of why I usually post multiple rants instead of one big long one XD The longer I ramble, the more I get sidetracked and forget the original point.

So. Loki's awesome, and being a Trickster, is powerful as all fucking hell. There's not much he can't do.

And now we come to Thor (the movie, not the deity). Loki's there! 24-year-old Ali is spazzing! All is right with the world!

Oh lord, they've actually done him justice?! Amazing! He's complex and nuanced and emotional, just like the real Loki! I loved this movie. Loved. It. The climactic thing with trying to blow up Jotunheim never really made much sense to me until someone made an excellent point the other day about Loki being raised in a racist society that was racist against his own race, he just didn't know it yet, poor child. Baby Thor was never corrected when he pledged to commit mass genocide, so Baby Loki probably absorbed the lesson then that Jotunns=evil and killing them all will win his father's love. Anyway, 2011 Loki was a beautiful, heartbreaking portrayal of the God I've loved all my life and spent 24 years longing to see depicted on the big screen.

Then The Avengers happened. And I saw another Loki very close to Norse mythology - mainly, how he's treated. In the beginning of the movie, he's sick, exhausted, and in pain. He can hardly stand, he stumbles and needs help when he walks. He was very obviously tortured, and the sickly blue light of the scepter's control is in his eyes. That gets less and less pronounced as the movie goes on, showing Loki working his way free of it, but in the beginning, he's a mess. Because he was tortured and used by Thanos. Marvel directly confirmed this, and that he was under the scepter's/Mind Stone's control. Loki's actions are not his own in The Avengers. He's under both threat and Thanos' direct control. The movie actually shows The Other directly threatening him to keep him on task, because this is not Loki's plan. It is not what he wants. He's being used and villainized... Just like in real life. It hurt to see this done to him, but the accuracy was too beautiful to ignore.

Thor: The Dark World comes out. I've heard people complain that this movie is the weak link in the Thor trilogy. I disagree. I think that's Ragnarok, for a bunch of reasons, but we'll get there. (And for the record, I loved Ragnarok, too. It was a funny movie. Infinity War and the Disney+ series are the only portrayals of Loki in the MCU that I truly fucking hated.) Anyway, good, fun movie. Had its faults, as all movies do, but it still followed Loki's real-life arc in a way. How? By having Loki dragged back to Asgard in chains and imprisoned underground. Again, not super happy that this happened to my love, and having to see it on screen was painful, but at least in the MCU he's not chained to a rock with venom dripping on his face for eternity, so there's that. (poor Sigyn. how tired do her arms get, holding up that bowl? best wife ever, amirite?)

In TDW, we're shown Loki's love for Frigga, who favored him and taught him magic as a child. We see his bravado; his attempts to mask his true feelings, especially grief. We see him slowly coming back to himself after the events of The Avengers, and slowly mending his relationship with his brother. He accepts that Odin will likely never love him, but Thor just might, because they were close when they were young. "I didn't do it for him." No, no my sweet, you did it for your brother, and a little out of guilt for what happened to your mother.

At the end, Loki fakes his death and escapes, taking the throne, and I have mixed feelings about this. Not the writer's choices here; I love that completely! A natural progression in Loki's story. But my joy is tainted by how closely they're following the Eddas now. Because Loki's escape from his prison heralds the beginning of Ragnarok. And Loki will die in Ragnarok. I don't want to see that play out in front of my face. I won't be able to handle the grief (spoiler alert! IW broke me. I almost walked out of the theater. Loki's death was legitimately fucking traumatic for me. I don't even care how pathetic that is. That grief was real, it was intense, and I still shake and cry when I think about it.)

Marvel announces that Thor 3 will be called Ragnarok. The internet treats this as a shocking revelation. I roll my eyes and mumble "duh" to myself and move on XD

Then they say Ragnarok will be a buddy comedy. I throw up a little in my mouth and no longer want to live on this planet. If they're going to make something called Ragnarok, could they at least treat it with even a fraction of the respect they've shown these characters thusfar? Jfc. I mean, I'll see it anyway, because I'm a whore for Tom Hiddleston lol. But come on, people!

I hated that they made Hel the long-lost older sister and Fenrir her fucking pet/attack dog. Those are my favorites of Loki's children! Hel is such an incredible badass that the early Christians named their dimension of eternal torture after her! They were terrified of her, to the point of naming the place that terrified them most after her. That's awesome! And Fenrir's just the best. I love wolves. Those two details, and Odin's retcon of "we're not Gods! ...lol, except your sister. she's totally a Goddess. and def gonna kill literally everything, so... good luck! byyyeeeee" pissed me off royally.

The rest was great. I genuinely liked this movie. Still do. And they finally used The Immigrant Song! That was pretty cool. If they'd thrown in Bring the Hammer Down and Thunderstruck, I might've called this movie perfect. XD

I wasn't totally in love with their portrayal of Loki in Ragnarok. Yes, the falling for 30 minutes line was funny, as was "I have to get off this planet" and "YES! That's how it feels!" And "Get Help" was funny as hell. But also, like... There is no way Loki would have been the dumb one in that first encounter with Hela. Also, he can teleport and project copies of himself and shit, so... He would not have been that desperate to go straight back to Asgard and bring her right along with them. Loki's not stupid. But whatever. Movie's gotta movie.

What I did love was seeing the slow mending of his relationship with Thor continuing, and the badass fighting on the bridge. I also loved that, like Real Loki, Movie Loki helped when help was needed, was quick and clever, and while he was carrying out the main plan, he was also planning ahead and grabbing the Tesseract. Yes, that drew Thanos right to them, but that's a whole other thing. Loki never would have left that thing on Asgard to be destroyed or lost.

And now Infinity War. Hooooly fucking shit. You know what? No. I'm not going into this. He was killed, years of character growth were erased forever, my heart fucking shattered. The end.

Endgame. IW hurt me so bad I didn't see Endgame until this year. I actually watched Civil War first (for context: I had actively avoided all Cap movies until this year because I fucking hate Steve Rogers. I find him insufferable. Did not realize what I was denying myself until I watched CW and finally saw the charms of Bucky. When he appeared in IW, I was so lost. XD I was like "...who dis? Murder Jesus?" also I just... didn't care. I was numb by then from crying through most of the movie over Loki)

So, anyway. Endgame. Loki picks up the Tesseract in alternate 2012, escapes, fans go "yay! he didn't actually die!" I go "yes he fucking did. Five years of his life, gone. Five years of growth and change, erased. Loki is dead. This will not be the same."

I was more right than I could have predicted. Now we come to the point of this rant. Sorry it took so long, but you were warned lol.

The Loki series makes me so angry I actually get sick to my stomach. It was fucking TRASH. When I praised Marvel for following Norse mythology so faithfully earlier? Yeah. I DID NOT MEAN TREAT HIM THE WAY THE OTHER GODS DID. I did not mean paint him as a pitiful clown, a joke, a caricature of who he truly was, with his pain and suffering played for LAUGHS.

This is supposed to be 2012 Loki, newly freed from Thanos' control. The Loki we saw in the beginning of TDW - snarky, exhausted, nihilistic. The Loki who rolled his eyes and said "get on with it" expecting to be killed.

The bumbling clown flipping on a dime from posturing to calling himself weak is not 2012 Loki. That is not ANY Loki. That is Tom Hiddleston in a black wig doing what he's told by a shitty writer who had no fucking idea what he was doing and was salty about his (bad) original script (for something totally fucking unrelated) getting killed.

In Episode 1, Loki is mocked, imprisoned, stripped against his will, tormented, belittled, and given a flippant summary of all the trauma Actual MCU Loki suffered that this one skipped out on, with no context, no acknowledgement of the trauma he's already lived quite fucking recently, and with the narrative twisted to not only erase all the abuse he's suffered, but to make it all his fault. And this is supposed to make him want to help these people?

And worse, IT FUCKING WORKS. WHAT?! I CAN'T- FUCKING WHAT?! Remember when I said LOKI IS NOT FUCKING STUPID?! So why is he STUPID?

Episode 2, he's a child. Mentally, this Loki is a fucking child. Now we've erased all the growth and development of his entire adult life. He's dopey, impatient, impulsive, desperate for a pat on the back and actually shows it. Yes, abused and neglected children crave the positive attention we never received, and we often grow up to be a bit emotionally stunted. But not all of us, and not Loki. Not as we've seen him EVER in the rest of the MCU. Playful and a bit callous at times? Absolutely! But not a big dumb fucking puppy.

Episode 3, a ray of hope, despite Sylvie! (I hate Sylvie) Loki casually admits he's pan/bi; labels never come up, but he admits to being with both men and women! He sings! Not really relevant to whether I approve of his portrayal or not lol but Tom has a beautiful voice, Norwegian ("Asgardian" lol) is a gorgeous, entrancing language, and I could watch that one bit on loop for eternity and never get bored. And then, finally, we see a glimpse - a glimpse - of Loki's power! He stops a falling building and pushes it right back up! Are we finally getting to see what he can really do? Will the next episode bring us Loki in all his glory?

Nope. 4 and 5 we see him mocked and pushed around and utterly irrelevant. Again. We see tiny reflections of what he could maybe theoretically do in other random Loki variants, but the "main" (lawl. main. it was the Sylvie and Mobius show. Loki was never the main anything.) Loki? Nothing. He wears his heart on his sleeve for no reason, bonds with the man who imprisoned, taunted, and gaslit him, is killed, and continues to be a moron and a joke. Always the clown. Always the dumb one. The one with the bad ideas. The inferior Loki.

Don't even get me started on that finale. I can't. This already took so much out of me. Fuck Marvel. Fuck this fucking show. I just... I'm done.

[neon-junkie]

Duality - Chpts 1,2&3

Summary: There's a handful of things you hate, like the men who continue to pester you at the Saloon after you've told them no, or the way strangers look at you when you decide to wear pants. But the one thing you hate that most is Micah Bell. But if you hate him so much, then why are you allowing him to wrap his hand around your neck as he grinds his crotch down against yours? Is he using you? or are you using him?

Pairing: Micah Bell x f!Reader

Word Count: 8837 (ongoing work) 

Rating: NSFW Warnings: Depictions of Violence (Reader is fine)

Tags: Dead Dove: Do not eat, Fights/Arguments, Slow burn, Hate sex, Enemies with benefits, Enemies to lovers, Pity sex, Vaginal sex, Outdoor sex, Creampies, Blood kink, Knives, Choking, Breath play, Rough/Manhandling, Heists & Robberies, Nipple sucking/licking, Making out, Sloppy kisses, Dirty talking, Grinding.

Notes: This fic was inspired by the gang of children that recently decided to start hurdling abuse at me simply because I enjoy Micah character. If he bad then why he make my pussy go brr?? I ain't ever gonna stop writing for him, somebody's gotta love the ratman so I guess I'll volunteer as tribute. This piece is inspired by @deputytrash​ and their work called ‘Micah Bell is a Rat Bastard,’ that I can’t actually link here because Tumblr hates links:))) so please go stalk them for the original fic. shoutout to all the other Micah fuckers out there; we're kinda fucked up but hey, we ain't hurting anybody<3

[Chapter 4]

Some men are born with the purest of hearts; they're full of good intentions, kindness, willingness to help others. They want to see the world go round, they enjoy watching the days go by with their loved ones around them. They want nothing more than love and equality, happiness for everyone, and they strive to achieve that. Those men, such as Arthur, are ones that you obviously enjoy for such reasons, and you enjoy watching them on the sideline, smiling at the way they make everyone happy. You've tried dating those men before and something felt... off about them, almost fake; you wish to enjoy such relationships with the purest of men, but you've never been able to sit in that saddle comfortably. The leather smells off and something constantly jabs at your tailbone. It's fine, honestly, to not sit comfortably in that saddle. Others can enjoy those men, ones who deserve them, ones who are just as pure and wholesome as those men they seek out. You're happy for them, you enjoy seeing them enjoy each others company, they really do deserve it. Only that leaves you with the problem of 'who the hell am I meant to fall for?' There are others who are sometimes split down the middle, with good and bad intentions, men such as Dutch who eventually crack under so much pressure, as expected. But these men have never really taken your fancy either. You curse the Gods for creating you with no intentions to seek out those pure of heart, or even slightly pure of heart. Why can't you be considered normal? You're a good person, yet you don't long for someone as good as you. 

Instead, those who have only ever walked the darker path take your fancy. Those men who have no good intentions in them, who only look out for themselves and sometimes (but rarely) the few people closest to them, if you're stupid enough to get close to them, to begin with. You enjoy the challenge, you enjoy taming the beast, being the one person that someone so wild can trust. It's a generic trope that you've read in romance novels where the princess falls for the villain, but they always seem to have the happiest of endings? and the stories themselves are so juicy, so rich and full of layers. The generic happy couple trope gets so boring, nothing to read into. But if you're given a story about a well-layered villain who softens out within time then you'll eat said story off the dirt if you have to, it's always so rich and fulfilling, though you never expected to end up in one. "Which book are you reading today?" Mary-Beth asks you as she joins you on the beach, leaning back against the log you're leaning against. You do miss sitting on the cliff at Horseshoe Overlook, peering up at the landscape whenever your eyes need a break from being so engulfed in whatever book you were reading. But there's something just as good as looking out at the water, hearing the waves lapping against the shore as you read, enjoying the river breeze on a hot Lemoyne day. "The same as last time, that one centered around the villain," you tell her, your eyes momentarily peeking up to watch as she sits down beside you. "Still? Oh, you and your dark fiction," Mary-Beth replies with a laugh. She'd given your book that nickname after you explained the plot to her. Mary-Beth, as wholesome and pure as she is, couldn't quite understand why you'd get so engulfed in a book where the princess falls for the villain, completely ignoring the stud hero and running off with the bad guy instead. After explaining how layered the villain was, and how his actions were the result of past trauma, she somewhat understood but decided that she's happy with her sappy romance novels. That's understandable, your taste isn't for everyone, and you'd both agreed on that. "Like I said, I just find it more interesting," you reply, your eyes trailing over to the landscape. "Which book have you got?" you ask. "Oh, the same still. I've almost finished it! The poor man in it has finally been turned away from that woman, though they're both in love," she replies. "But from what you've told me, she's not exactly... the best person in the world?" you ask. "I guess not. Maybe I am into a little bit of dark fiction then, hm?" Mary-Beth questions with a soft laugh, finally opening her book to pick up from where she left off. "Maybe-" you begin to speak, but the sound of shouting draws your attention back to camp. You and Mary-Beth peer over your shoulders to watch the commotion in the distance. Ugh. It's Micah again, screaming at Bill for being so kind to the poor dog Jack had found, Cain. He's hollering away, something about not being soft on strays, that they'll only follow you around for food, whatever. You try to hold in your laughter when Micah does the last thing you'd expect, literally barking at Bill before storming off. "That man sure is evil," Mary-Beth comments. "I still ain't sure why Dutch allows him to follow us around, a bit like Cain really," she frowns, turning her gaze away. "He is, funny that he can't see just how much of a dog he is," you laugh along, returning your focus back to your book. "Has he bothered you again recently?" she questions, knowing that your last run-in with him was only a few days ago. "No, he ain't spoke to me, he ain't even looked at me." "Good, probably because he's still got that black eye you gave him," Mary-Beth replies, trying to hold back on her laughter. "Well, he did deserve it." Micah had pestered you a few days ago, stirring up some shit simply because he was bored. You were sat by yourself in camp, playing a solo game of solitaire whilst the wind was quiet, your cards not blowing away for once. He waltzed over, as always, looking like he owned the place; he only acts that way because he sucks up to Dutch, a bit of a teachers' pet, though he's definitely never stepped foot in a school. "Hey," Micah says to you. Well, you were unsure if he was speaking to you as your head was down, focused on the cards, so Micah quickly snapped when you didn't reply. "I said hey. You deaf?" he asks, lightly tapping the back of your shoulder. You let out a long sigh as you roll your eyes and look up. "I didn't know you were speaking to me, Micah," you reply. "Well, who else would I be speaking to, doll? There ain't anyone else around here," Micah says with a laugh, waving his hands about to gesture that nobody was nearby. "I can see that now," you sigh. You begin to put your cards away, knowing that if Micah's here then there's no way you'll be able to play this game in peace. Whatever, you were stumped anyway, considering calling this game quits, and Micahs appearance had encouraged you to do so. "What're you doing?" Micah questions. "I was playing solitaire," you reply, shuffling the cards back together and returning them to their container, an old mints tin that you found fits the cards much better than their old paper box. "And why have you packed up, hm? Is it 'cause I'm here?" Micah asks, knowing the answer. "It is," you say as you stand and put the tin in your pocket, beginning to walk off. The last person you ever want to talk to is Micah, but it seems he really wants to talk to you as he begins to follow you. "Where're you going? I ain't that bad. I know we don't exactly get along but you can't fault me for trying to right these wrongs with you," Micah begins, playing the white knight card as always, batting his lashes as if he hasn't made a handful of remarks towards you in the past, ensuring there's a thick barrier between the two of you. "I ain't interested in making friends with you, Micah. Now leave me be," you snap back, picking up the pace as you storm past Dutch's tent, hoping he'd pick up on the small commotion but his head is buried deep in his current Evelyn Miller book. "Such mean words coming from such a pretty face," Micah pouts, still on your trail, letting out his generic laugh. "Wouldn't you rather have friends than enemies?" "I'd rather have nothing to do with you, Micah," you tell him as you come to a halt, stopping in the dead center of camp. If Micah won't leave you alone then hopefully someone will step in, as their eyes had begun to peer over to the commotion; even Dutch has put his book down. "Easy there, sweetheart," Micah coos with his generic laugh. He goes to speak again but you're quick to cut him off. "I ain't your sweetheart, Micah. Quit calling me those names," you huff. "Of course, you ain't. I like a bit of fire in my women but you're just a bit too reckless for my taste," Micah tells you, his tone slowly turning to frustrated. He's quit the innocent act, lowering his hands as he had them raised as he followed you throughout the camp. If he can't win you over then he'll ensure you never even slightly consider him a friend, beginning to insult you to burn whatever was left of that bridge. "Good, I'd hate to be your taste. What an unlucky woman she must be for the likes of you to have eyes on her." Micah lets out another laugh as he takes a step closer to you, a little too close, and you're quick to cut him off before he can open his mouth. "Back off, Micah. Don't you try and get close to me," you order him. "Why not, hm? You scared someone is finally gonna put a woman like you back in her-" That's enough. Without hesitation, you clench your fist and swing for that vermin of a man, if you can even be kind enough to call him a man to begin with. You were aiming for his nose but hit his cheekbone instead, which is just as good as his eye had swollen up from the impact. Micah stumbled back and hit the ground with the most satisfying thud you'd ever heard, the sound still making you smile whenever you think about it. You didn't stick around much after that, burning the image of Micah lying on the floor clutching his eye into your memory before turning heel and marching off, wandering off into the trees so you could cool yourself off and devilishly admire your bruised knuckles. You refused to bandage them up, even after Charles had practically begged you, but you were eager to show off your trophy, even flaunting it at Micah from a distance whenever he came into your line of sight. His eyes hadn't met yours since, but you could feel his burning glare on you whenever you two were within ten feet of each other. You'd even overheard him attempting to bitch about you to Kieran, who simply nodded along to prevent himself from getting pulled into this mess. Needless to say, you and Micah do not get along. There's a handful of camp members that don't get along, but your burning hatred for each other seems to stand out the most. You're always eager to step in whenever Micahs attempting to chew someone's ear off, and he always gives you that same laugh as he attempts to mock you, but he often turns heel and storms away, calling you a bitch or whatever petty insult he has on his mind. But since that interaction, Micah has stayed well clear of you. Dutch probably told him to stop pestering you after you'd almost knocked his lights out, though you doubt that as Dutch ended up doing something that only seemed to make your 'friendship' worse. ----------- Another day, another dollar, or whatever the civilized phrase is. It's a quote you've heard within towns and cities, something bosses drill into the minds of their workers to stop them from realizing that they're being used as workhorses for less than pennies. At least out here you can work on your own terms, your only boss is Dutch and he always ensures that everybody gets a fair cut. Why slave away in a factory when you can rob some folk that needs robbing and make a few hundred off them? Dutch has a heist planned for you today, one that he says needs a woman touch. Karen is the only other gunwoman in the camp but Dutch has told you that she's a little too reckless for the job. Dutch knows that Sadie is also a gunwoman but she's still in mourning, arguing with Pearson every so often, but she isn't ready to step up to that rank yet.  "And that's why I need you for this job. It's genric and old fashioned of us, but there's a payroll heading up into Rhodes and I was thinking you could play the damsel in distress, hunched over at the roadside, pouting sweetly as you ask them for a ride into town," Dutch tells you outside his tent, a week or so after your last run-in with Micah.  "And if they don't stop?" you question.  "Why would they not stop? A pretty lady such as yourself asking for a ride? When they're already heading that way? They must be some cold-hearted folk in order to turn down such a simple request," Dutch explains.  "What will you and the others be doing?"  "We'll be hiding nearby, waiting for that opportunity to rob them. Once you're on board then they should hand over the cash, I don't see why they'd want a poor innocent woman to be hurt. Hosea will be waiting in Rhodes to bring you back to camp, and you won't need your guns for the job. A kind, working woman such as yourself wouldn't carry them anyway," Dutch replies with a grin, stubbing out his cigar with the toe of his shoes.  The plan seems simple enough, and what have you got to lose? So, you agree to the heist, heading into your tent so you can change your appearance to look like the average working woman. You dress in a simple skirt and shirt, your hair neat and your makeup simple, just how the women in Rhodes dress.  Arthur gives you a ride to the location, your horse staying back at camp, as well as your guns. You feel a little uneasy heading out of camp without them, but the boys are hiding behind what's left of a wall nearby. You overheard Arthur protesting with Dutch, saying they shouldn't be robbing folk so close to camp, but Dutch assured them that this would be fine.  Dutch has brought along Arthur and Lenny, and unfortunately, Micah, who still hasn't spoken a word to you, but his eye is now unfortunately better. Dutch didn't even mention to you that Micah would be coming along, seeing as your paths weren't meant to cross. This was meant to be a simple holdup job after all, only this gang seems to be cursed as things always go wrong.  You're walking along the road, acting as if you're exhausted. The sound of a wagon approaching can be heard, and you peer over your shoulder to see it coming into view. You begin to wave your arms, signaling for them to stop, and thankfully, they do.  "Are you alright, Miss?" one of the men questions, the one driving the wagon. There are two more men on horseback behind them, not many guns for a wagon that's carrying payroll.  "I do apologize to ask such a request but my horse bucked me a while back, I'm only trying to head into town. Are you heading that way? Would you be able to give me a ride?" you question. You play out the usual body language, slouched shoulders, batting your lashes, and pouting your bottom lip. This is a mans world, after all, but you know exactly how to play the game. The driver and the shotgun speak to themselves quietly, clearly bickering about the fact that they're carrying payroll, but they eventually come to an agreement.  "You're welcome to climb on the back of one of the horses, though we can't let you on the wagon, Miss," he replies. Well, that's good enough, at least you're still somewhat of a hostage. "Oh, thank you! I really appreciate it!" you smile sweetly, heading over to the nearest hired gunmen and climbing on the back, loosely holding onto his shirt as you get comfortable on the horse's rear.  They return to their journey, barely making it a few meters down the road when one of those slimy Lemoyne Raiders appears from behind a boulder and attempts to hold them at gunpoint. Your eyes peer over to where the gang is hiding and thankfully, Dutch steps in, one gun pointed at the driver and the other at the rival gang member. You're still unsure on what Lemoyne Raiders are. Inbred? Wannabe military? Either way, they're stupid enough to fire without warning, and completely miss Dutch, though Dutch doesn't miss him. The plan goes to shit and you're caught in the middle of the gang war, your gang and the Lemoyne Raiders fighting each other, as well as the wagon.  The gunman that you were holding onto slouches over his saddle, a bullet ripping through his side, thankfully missing you. You think Arthur had shot him, but either way, you're pushing his body off and stealing his horse, riding out from the commotion. What help are you now without your guns? It's best that you run away and fast. As you near the camp, you notice a small group of white hats approaching round the bend - lawmen, so you decide to keep riding forward towards Braithwait Manor, dipping off into the trees before they can notice you. You'll find somewhere to hide out until nightfall, riding through the thick forest until you find a shack down south, close to Shady Belle, but far enough from the commotion so the law shouldn't tread down here.  The stolen horse is hitched by a tree and you're about to head inside, but the sound of hooves approaching startles you. You hide behind the tree, not providing much cover, but hopefully enough so you can decide how to approach the incoming stranger. If it's a lawman then you can simply burst into tears whilst saying that the horse bolted and you couldn't steer it up into Rhodes, and if it's a fellow gang member then you'll be fine. Well, it is a gang member, just you were hoping for anybody but Micah. He slows Baylock to a halt as you come into his line of sight, stepping out from behind the tree looking like an angry kitten.  "You alright?" Micah asks, swinging his leg over the saddle and hopping off his mount.  "Go away, go find somewhere else to hide. Shoo," you wave your hands at him, only making Micah laugh instead. "What's a matter? Can't I hide here with you?" he questions as he approaches you.  "No, you can't. Go bother someone else, you're the last person I'd ever want to hide from the law with," you huff. Micah isn't budging, he continues to approach you until he's stood in front of you, grinning from ear to ear as he lets out that awful chuckle of his.  "You don't mean that. Besides, how're you gonna defend yourself without your guns, huh?" Micah questions, resting his hands on his gunbelt. "Well, you know that I can swing a punch, can't you, Micah?" you tease, giving him a smug smile which wipes the grin off his face, turning into a frown.  "And here I was just tryna look out for you. Nasty thing, aren't you?" Micah spits.  "I am, and I ain't welcoming to you, Micah," you huff again, resting your hands on your hips.  "Now, I'm gettin' real sick of the way you talk to me, girl. I ain't been nothin' but nice to you," Micah tuts, taking another step towards you. He's pressed up far too close to your chest, puffing his own out as his icy blue eyes scowl into yours. "You may be a big girl in the eyes of Dutch, but you ain't to me."  "I don't care, Micah. I don't need your approval, nor your company, so scram!"  This time, Micah goes for you, reaching out to grip ahold of your arm. He takes a firm grasp of you but before you can find out what he was planning on doing, you're pushing him away, shoving him back by the chest. He stumbles backwards but doesn't slump to the ground, catching his own fall as he glares at you. His death glare makes your face turn sour and you begin to foresee that one of you isn't going to make it back to camp. Micah lunges for you again, grabbing onto your shoulders as he begins to try and tackle you to the ground. You manage to shove him off and land a punch to the same cheekbone, only it's not enough to stop him. He continues to fight you, eventually managing to shove you to the floor. He tries to climb onto you, attempting to pin you to the ground but you land a swift kick to his baby balls. He lets out a choke as his body goes limp and you jump at the opportunity to shove him onto his back, pinning him down instead.  Micah attempts to grab onto you but you're quick, taking his own knife from its holster and pinning it beneath Micahs chin. He stops, freezing up and removing his hands from you, lying in the dirt with his swollen eye locked onto yours. There's silence, no words spoken from either of you, just heavy panting and the sound of the trees rustling. Micah licks his lips, tasting the blood that has trailed down from his nose, and eventually speaks.  "Go on, girl. Do it," he tells you, his Adam's apple bouncing against the blade as he speaks. You don't reply, so Micah jumps down your throat again. "I said do it! Show me what a big girl you are," he says with a laugh. "If I am to kill you then I'd rather do it with my bare hands," you spit at him, pressing the knife sharply on his neck. From the way Micah attempts to flinch back, you're certain you've managed to cut him. Good, he deserves it.  "Do it then. Go on, get rid of me already. Just do everyone a favour," Micah replies, his hands raising yet again, doing that generic innocent pose even as he has a knife held to his throat. As much as you'd love to, you know the consequences for killing other camp members. You could say he died in combat but Dutch knows that Micah can take on a bunch of Lemoyne Raiders with his eyes closed. Plus, it's far too suspicious for you to be the one breaking the 'bad' news. But you might as well scare some sense into Micah, maybe choke him unconscious then bail back to camp before he can wake. Hopefully, he'll finally get it into his thick skull to stay away from you, though you doubt it, but at least you'll have fun.  You remove Micahs own knife from his neck, stabbing it into the earth beside his head. He watches you with wide eyes, attempting to look at his knife but you grip onto his throat. You know how to choke someone to death, and you know how to choke someone unconscious, so you go for the second option and tighten your grip under his jawline, avoiding his windpipe so that he doesn't stop breathing.  He lets out a choked exhale as you begin jabbing your fingers into his throat, pushing more than hard enough to eventually knock his lights out. You know you look a mess, covered in dirt with scruffed up hair, a glare on your face that could easily kill a man; Micah looks up at you through half-lidded eyes, keeping his gaze locked onto yours as he attempts to breathe. You can hear the pressure on his throat with every breath, his lips remaining parted, blood still trickling from his nose, and his eye swelling up more by the second. His clothes are just as dirty as yours, his hat has fallen off his head a long time ago, his white pants are almost brown from rolling in the dirt, and his red shirt is missing a few buttons from where you've grabbed him.  Micahs parted lips quickly turn into a grin as his eyes begin to fall shut. You've never seen him pull a face like this, but he looks... pleasurable. He somehow has enough energy to reach up and grip onto the waistband of your skirt, trailing his fingertips along the band before settling each hand firmly on your hips. He's... enjoying this, isn't he? Your thoughts are confirmed when Micah opens his eyes again; his pupils are blown, wide and full of lust, gazing up at you like a piece of meat, ready to pounce on you (if he could.) You want to feel sick. Why don't you feel sick? Why isn't your stomach turning at the sight of Micah taking pleasure in your attempt to kill him? You push down harder on his neck, wishing you were gripping onto his windpipe instead. His smile eventually fades away, his eyes rolling shut as he lets out slower muffled breaths. His grip on your hips falls limp and you know he's finally unconscious.  This was meant to be the part where you run, heading back to camp before he can wake, praying he never even looks at you ever again. But you remove your hand from his throat, noticing how his body twitches as he begins to breaths properly again, and using the same hand that you just choked him with, you land a harsh slap right across his face. It's loud and sharp enough that it echoes throughout the forest, startling the horses and scaring a few birds away. You instantly regret your decision, your hand throbbing from how hard you slapped him, but the way Micah jolts awake gives you a sickly satisfaction.  He begins coughing, propping himself up on his elbows as he attempts to catch his breath. You don't move off him, sitting back on your knees, his legs beneath yours, watching in delight as he returns to the conscious word. Micah lies back down, his deep breaths eventually turning into a chuckle as his eyes meet yours.  "I knew you were just like me," Micah says with a sniff, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. His nose is still bleeding, turning his moustache red, and now his cheek as he's smeared his own blood across his face. "I knew you were sick..." he laughs.  "I ain't sick, Micah," you frown.  "If you ain't then you won't enjoy this-"  Micah somehow has enough energy to flip your bodies over, pinning you down to the ground, narrowly missing his knife that is still jabbed into the dirt. You attempt to push him off, trying to kick him in the balls again but he's pinned you down as well as you had pinned him down. He does exactly what you feared he'd do, wrapping his own rough hand around your neck, pressing on those spots under your jawline that you unfortunately enjoy.  You try and fight it, attempting to gulp down air, attempting to push him off. But the more you fight him, the more he holds you down, and the more you find yourself enjoying it.  "Give in to it, sweetheart. Just let it happen," he tells you, the words that you didn't want to hear, but only because they're sickly yet tempting.  Micah adjusts his grip and finally hits the nail in the coffin, your mind turning cloudy, the blood pulsating through your brain. That feeling in your stomach begins to burn, trailing down your body and making your pussy clench. You hate this man so much, yet you're allowing him to do this to you. "Atta girl," Micah praises you as you stop fighting him, letting your eyes shut and your mouth part.  You're weak enough for Micah to shift his weight, parting your thighs with his knees and sitting between them after he bunches your skirt up. One hand remains on your neck whilst the under sneaks underneath your waist, pulling your hips up onto his knees. His crotch pushes against yours, his hand trailing over your clothed thigh, moving up to your knee as he adjusts your legs so they're wrapped around his waist. For some reason, you cross your ankles, only encouraging him to grind his crotch against yours, rutting his hard-on against your pussy.  The mewl that escapes your lips is definitely accidental, but Micah tilts his head up to let out a hum of approval as he watches the colour continue to drain from your face. "Such a pretty sound coming from that pretty face of yours. You're goin' pale tho, darlin'. Least you ain't still spittin' venom at me," Micah smirks. The blood from his nose drips down onto your own face, painting your cheek, and the sight of his blood on you makes his pupils turn wide again, licking his lips as he finally removes his hand from your throat.  You gasp, gulping down air, letting out a few coughs as you manage to fill your lungs back up. Micah barely gives you enough time to come back to reality before he's crashing his lips against yours, pinning your hands on either side of your head, grinding his crotch down hard against yours. You let out a whimper as he manages to brush his crotch perfectly against your clit, making him chuckle against your lips as he kisses you. Are you kissing him back? Unfortunately so, but only because the taste of his blood on his lips is making your arousal grow, and he's grinding against you far too perfectly to ignore.  You eventually lap away at his blood, his nosebleed finally coming to a halt, and the feeling of his prickly moustache becomes more and more prominent. It's far too annoying for you to make out with him and ignore it, and it eventually irritates you to a point that you break the kiss.  "What'cha stopping for?" Micah pouts, halting his grinding for the moment. "Your 'stache is too long, it's itchy," you tell him.  "Well, I'll make sure it's trimmed for next time," Micah replies as he rolls his eyes. "There ain't gonna be a next time, Micah," you scowl back.  "Oh, that so?" Micah chuckles, doubting your claim. "Well, I'll just have to make this worthwhile," he informs you.  Micah moves his hands off your wrists, sitting up on his knees and pulling his knife out of the ground. He wipes the dirt off on his jeans then grips onto your undergarments, pulling the fabric away from your skin so he can slice down the crotch, ripping apart the garment and leaving a large hole right in the middle of them. "Micah!" you snap as you sit up on your elbows. "I'll buy you a new pair," Micah monotonously replies, a large lack of sympathy in his voice. You could have sworn he rolled his eyes as well. He holsters his knife and rips apart the hole even more, almost ripping the garment in two, exposing your pussy for his pleasure. Micah hums in appreciation as he gazes at the sight, pushing your thighs apart as he dips his head down and spits onto your folds. You'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy it, and Micah picks up on the glisten in your eyes as he straightens his back up and begins to unfasten his pants, leaving his gunbelt on the ground beside you.  Micah pulls out his cock, an average looking one, rock hard and flushed pink at the tip. You're surprised that his pubes are neatly trimmed, just as dirty blonde as his hair, but he keeps his pubes neater for whatever reason. He ruts his cock over your folds, slicking himself up with his spit and your juices; to say you aren't wet is also a lie, you've been soaking the second he put his hand around your throat.  Micah finally pushes into you, slow and steady, letting out an "ooh" once he's fully sheathed inside of you. "It's always tighter if I don't finger you," he comments, licking his lips as he moves his hands underneath each knee, spreading your legs apart as far as he wants. Why are you allowing this man to fuck you? You're not sure, though you don't regret it, especially when he begins to thrust into you, surprising you with the way he rolls his hips, the tip of his cock hitting that spot inside of you with every thrust. If someone had told you this morning that you'd end up spending the evening with Micah Bell thrusting inside of you, after the two of you had had a fight and ended up aroused by it, then you probably would have punched them too after informing them that they're drunk. But here you are, allowing Micah to fuck you senseless, pounding you into the dirt as he lets out surprisingly pleasant sounds. "Shit!" you gasp as Micah shifts his weight, moving his hands off your knees to wrap around your waist. He pulls you up into his lap, lifting your ass off the floor and angling your body perfectly so he's directly hitting your g-spot with every roll of his hips. Micah's fucking you like a rabbit, fast and unforgiving, eager to make your walls tighten around him so he can fill you up with his cum.  Micah begins to bare his teeth, hissing through them as he pounds you. You're a moaning mess beneath him, not holding back on the volume of your moans as nobody is nearby, and your volume level is filling Micahs ego more and more by the second. "That's a good girl," he tells you, his hazy eyes meeting yours. "I always knew you'd be a good fuck, the feisty ones always are," he chuckles.  You roll your eyes at his comment, making him laugh instead. Ugh. That stupid laugh of his, the one he always drags out only because he knows it gets on everyone's nerves. You think fast, moving one hand back onto his throat to cut that dreadful sound out. His lips remain parted, slightly smiling as he continues to fuck you, enjoying that irritated glisten to your eyes. You tighten your grip on his throat, forcing a choked moan from Micahs lips. Micah's already hunched over you but you pull him down to your level, speaking right against his lips as you order him to "fuck me harder." "With pleasure," Micah manages to reply, gasping and straightening his back the second you let go of his throat. Micah keeps one arm underneath your waist, holding you firmly on his lap, whilst the other moves between your legs. His hand rests on your stomach, his thumb moving down to begin massaging your clit, flicking the bud in circles, his cock throbbing every time your muscles begin to shake. He's returned to letting out moans, followed by the occasional grunt through gritted teeth. You've seen Micah come undone before, you've seen that feral look in his eyes as he loses his cool and guns down an army of people. But this? This was a different look, just as feral but fueled by a mixture of lust and spite. Is he just using you for a fuck? Yes, but you're doing the same with him. And do you think you'll end up fucking him again? Possibly, but only if you can watch the life drain from his face again. It's sickeningly arousing, but Micah seems to enjoy it too. "You're gonna make me cum," you sigh, your thigh muscles beginning to shake, your eyes scrunching shut as your head rolls back in the dirt. "I know," Micah confidently replies, rubbing his thumb even firmer against your clit. What a cocky piece of shit, though you admire the confidence. You can't believe you're moaning his name as you orgasm, panting and shaking, wrapping your legs even tighter around Micahs waist as he pushes his cock deep inside of you and earns his own release. His hands grip onto your hips, his forehead eventually slumping on your chest as he pants and groans, filling you up with god knows how many months worth of cum, maybe longer, depending on whoever else has been stupid enough to sleep with him.  Micah eventually straightens his back and pulls out of you, letting your legs slip from around his waist as you untangle your body from his. He looks debauched, his hair and clothes scruffy and dirty, not to mention the dried blood smeared across his face and moustache. You're certain you look just as bad, spending your evening rolling about in the dirt with the man you hate the most. Hate? Or hated? as you somewhat like the sight of Micah like this. Maybe you could tolerate him under these terms, and only under these terms. You attempt to sort your appearance out as you stand up, stretching your legs, hearing your knees click after being bent for so long. Micah does the same as he pulls himself up, tucking his cock away then picking his hat up. He whistles for Baylock who had wandered off into the forest, probably not wanting to be around... that. The horse you'd stolen has managed to unhitch itself and disappear, and you honestly don't blame them, but that means the only way back is hitching a ride off Micah or walking for an hour.  "Looks like you're riding with me," Micah tells you. "I don't want to be seen trailing into camp with you, not when we both look like this," you tell him as he mounts Baylock.  "How's about I drop you off on the edge of camp then spend a few hours away? Would that make you happy?" Micah offers, holding out his hand at the same time.  "It would," you tell him, swatting his hand away and climbing up onto Baylock on your own terms. "So, you'll let me fuck you but won't even take my hand?" Micah chuckles as he clicks his tongue, letting Baylock go at a soft pace as you ride side-saddle.  "Yep, and don't forget that you owe me new underwear," you remind him.  "Oh, I won't forget to buy you some new panties, Miss. I'll buy you a whole set of lingerie if it means I get to cut it off your body," Micah teases but you know he's serious.  "If that's what you want," you reply with a shrug.  "You'd let me?" he questions, peering over his shoulder at you.  "I would," you reply. For some reason, you lick your thumb and attempt to wipe some of the dried blood from his cheek. Maybe the sight bothers you, but Micah doesn't seem to mind as he lets you clean him up, his eyes occasionally flicking onto the road.  "You wanna give me a kiss when you're done with cleaning me up?" Micah asks with a smirk.  "No," you frown, pushing his face away from yours. He laughs as he looks forward, returning his focus back to driving.  You and Micah don't speak another word on the short journey back, apart from a "thanks," from you as you slide off Baylock. He drops you on the edge of the forest, letting you walk down the path back into Clemens Point. You manage to sneak back into the camp; the only person who saw you in your state was Charles who simply said "I won't ask," when you gave him a look that said 'please don't.'  You feel much better once you've cleaned yourself up and got cozy in bed, though your body aches from fucking in the dirt, and you're almost certain you're going to have bruises around your neck by the time morning is here. But the fresh memory of having hate sex with Micah only seems to arouse you again; just like Micah said, you are sick, just as sick as him. But if this unspoken arrangement is a good way of letting out anger then why not continue it?  --------------- It's been a week since your accidental encounter with Micah. He's still not replaced your underwear, nor has he spoken a word to you, but you've picked up on those disgustingly arousing glances he sends you from across the camp. You've been tempted to chew his ear out about not paying you back yet, but he's not been in camp often, and when he has been in camp, it's been during the day and around others. The bastard knows what he's doing, and he definitely knows that you're still angry that he hasn't repaid you yet. You've been assigned guard duty tonight, doing lap after lap around the outskirts of the camp until 3am, which is when you can tap Bill awake and send him on his way to take over. Well, 3am is here and that's exactly what you're doing, prodding Bill awake and handing him the shotgun.  You somehow didn't notice that Baylock had appeared amongst the horses, but you do notice that distinct white hat on the edge of camp. Micahs stood on the beach, looking out at the water with his arms crossed, a cigarette between his fingers. Finally, the opportunity to chew his ear off. You stroll over, ensuring nobody else is awake, not wanting to question why you're eagerly approaching the man you despise.  "Micah," you greet as you stand next to him.  "There she is, just the girl I was looking for," Micah greets you as he exhales his cigarette smoke.  "You ain't looking for me, Micah. You're stood here having a smoke," you roll your eyes.  "I was hoping I would have fucked that attitude out of you. Seems I ain't fucked you hard enough," he says with a laugh. You peer over your shoulder, reminding yourself that nobody is awake, nor nearby, but you don't want to risk your chances. "We don't talk about that in camp, alright?" you threaten. "Fine, whatever you want," Micah shakes his head as he finishes off his cigarette, flicking it onto the floor and stomping it out. You're about to begin questioning him on your missing underwear but he begins to walk off, heading further along the beach.  "Where are you going?" you scowl as you follow him.  "Over here so I can sit down. Was gonna ask if you're joining me but it seems you are," he says with a laugh, leaning back against a large boulder. You frown at him but settle beside him, turning your attention to him again.  "I only came over here to ask you-"  "-s'on your bedroll," Micah tells you.  "What?" you question.  "That new underwear I promised, I've just placed it on your bedroll whilst you were on guard duty. Plus a little something extra to make up for how long you've waited for it," Micah answers, his eyes fixated on the water.  "Hmm..." you ponder, unsure if you believe him.  "What? Don't you trust me?" Micah questions as he finally looks over at you.  "Not at all," you scowl again.  "Well, you'll see that I'm telling the truth sooner or later. Go check now if you want, I don't care," he shrugs.  You stare at him again, trying to look for any signs of lying, but he gives you none; his nose doesn't twitch, his eyes stay glued to yours, he doesn't rub the back of his neck. Micah is probably telling the truth, knowing that you'll whack him over the head with a bottle next time you see him if he lies to you.  "See, told you I ain't lying," Micah snickers as he looks back out over the water. You don't reply, you just lean back against the rock and turn your attention to the landscape. Your brows remain furrowed, arms loosely crossed, enjoying the sound of the waves lapping against the shore, the moonlight only just providing enough light as you're far enough from camp.  A few minutes pass and Micah turns his attention back to you. "Why're you still here?" he bluntly asks.  "I ain't sure, I'm going to bed," you shrug. You begin to stand, barely getting off your ass when Micah reaches out and grabs you by the waist, pulling you back down onto his lap with a slight thud. "What do you want?" you snap, picking his hands off your waist in disgust, making him laugh at the sight.  "Just wanted to spend some quality time with my favourite camp member," he replies, though you're unsure if he's being sarcastic. "Well, you ain't my favourite," you huff.  "Always so feisty towards me, ain'tcha? What's wrong? You still hate me even after you let me fuck you?" Micah questions with a throaty laugh, grinning from ear to ear.  "I hate you even more now," you tell him, shuffling about on his lap until you're straddling him, one leg on either side of his hips, your chests almost touching.  "That'd explain why you've just got comfortable on my lap rather than walking away," Micah chuckles again, knowing he's damn well in the right. He slips his hat off his head, placing it on the ground beside him, not wanting it to get in the way. You let out a sigh as you roll your eyes. "Ain't I allowed to just take some attention from you, Micah?" you question, batting your lashes and removing the frown from your face.  "You're allowed to take whatever you want from me, s'long as I get something in return," Micah tells you as he wraps his arms loosely around your waist. "So it's agreed? That we'll just... enjoy this pity sex? But only because it lets off some steam," you place the offer down, finally trying to decide on this agreement.  "It is agreed, sweetheart. You can call it pity sex or whatever else you want, but maybe I'll just fuck you so good that you'll end up likin' me?" Micah chuckles, pulling you onto his lap more as he speaks to you in a husk tone. "I ain't your sweetheart and I ain't ever gonna like you, Micah Bell," you spit. "Sure you ain't," he grins. So, this is what it's come to. You're sleeping with the enemy, pity fucking the man you hate the most, allowing him to pry into your private life and between your legs just for a little bit of satisfaction. Do you care? No. Should you care? Probably. But you're getting pleasure, finally, after waiting for so long. The gang is always on the move, running from the law and whoever else is chasing you, depending on where you are and who you've pissed off. You've flirted with other gang members before but it's never escalated anywhere, so if sleeping with Micah means you'll finally stop humping your pillow every night then why not?  And maybe you can fuck some sense into him, maybe a bit of kindness of basic respect? You doubt it, but it'd be nice. A life where Micah isn't chaotic would be perfect, or one where he entirely didn't exist. But this is the way the world currently is, so you'll just have to make do with what you've got.  You're still going to bark back at him whenever he kicks up a fuss in camp. If anything, you're eager to put him in his place. Maybe you can punish him every time he steps out of line? Maybe this... enemies with benefits, or whatever you want to call it, could whip Micah into shape and prevent him from being such an annoyance towards everyone. Probably not, but you can still hope.  Micah tightens his grip around your waist as he lets out a pleasing hum, tugging you down to his level so he can kiss you. You're reluctant as his moustache was so irritating last time, but to your surprise, Micah has trimmed it to prevent the irritation, his 'stache brushing against your upper lip rather than prickling it. Micahs kisses are a lot more tender this time, not covered in blood and heavy breathing, not battling for dominance whilst both your minds are hazy from all that choking. Micah moves one hand up to entangle his fingers in your hair, cupping the back of your head.  Your lips soon slide open, your tongue greeting Micahs. He bites your bottom lip softly, letting the skin slowly slip from his grasp before kissing you again, earning himself a soft moan as you shuffle onto his lap more. Things are slowly turning heated, Micahs kisses getting sloppier yet firmer by the second, drawing more moans and whimpers from your lips as he continues to make out with you.  You pray that nobody has woken up, not wanting them to see... this. How would you attempt to explain this? Could you say you tripped and fell into Micah after not seeing him sat there, and you'd just accidentally kissed him on the way down? Could you say this way a new way of fighting, to show him what he's missing out on if he'd just be a good boy? Yeah, those excuses are rubbish. But you're sure you'd hear anyone approaching, not unless they're stealthy.  Micah moves his hands to your chest, unbuttoning your shirt, stopping at your lower ribs. He breaks the kiss so he can pull your shirt open, cupping each of your breasts and leaning his head into them. His mouth latches onto one of your nipples, sucking at it surprisingly gently, flicking his tongue over the nub, tenderly kissing it. His hand massages them, kneading them softly. Micah moves onto your other nipple, repeating the process, sucking on your tits as he lets out a satisfying hum.  "I ain't sure what my favourite part of you is, these things, or that nasty bite of yours," Micah says with a soft laugh between kisses. "Oh, you have such a way with words," you roll your eyes. "You know, I think we'd get along much better if you'd just tease me with these things in camp," Micah replies, returning his focus to your breasts. "I'll remember that in the future," you say, making a mental note. Maybe you could find a way to manipulate him? Using your womanly charm to tame this beast? It's a push but it's worth a try. He continues to suck at them, making your arousal grow, and you know he's getting aroused as you can feel it pressed against your thigh. Micah moves off your breasts and gently pulls your head down, enjoying another kiss, still tender, not the style you expected a man such as Micah to have.  Micah breaks the kiss, urging you off him. "Now, come on. Before I start thinkin' with my dick and fuck you right in the middle of camp. But you'd like that, wouldn't you, you whore?" he questions, buttoning up your shirt for you.  "You admit to thinking with your dick, yet I'm the whore?" you smirk, pointing out the flaw to his logic.  "Real smart, ain'tcha girl?" Micah mocks, shooing you off his lap once your shirt is fastened. Micah stands first, pulling you up afterward. His hand lingers for a little too long in yours, though you don't move your hand away either. He begins walking with you back to camp, readjusting his hat as he walks. Micah dips before you approach camp, not wanting to risk anybody latching onto your agreement. Thankfully, nobody is awake, but you head straight to your tent anyway. You fasten the tent flaps behind you, lighting your lantern, and begin getting ready for bed. You notice the tailor box on your cot and open it up, revealing the replacement underwear, as well as the 'little something extra' that Micah had promised you. It's a full set of lingerie, an expensive-looking set too, a frilly white chemise, corset, and stockings. The chemise is definitely that short for a reason; you wonder what Micah's planning, though he did say that he wanted to cut it off you. You hope to at least get some use out of it before he does that.

[savoryscribbles]

Aizawa x GN!Reader, First Date At A Cat Cafe

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Bnha masterlist

A/N: This is my first writing piece that I’m posting on Tumblr, and I’m super excited. It’s also currently about 12 almost 1 right now. And excuse the improper grammar and spelling mistakes. But anyways. If you decide to read further I hope you enjoy! And I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, evening, night, what ever time it is for you at them moment. And just sit back, relax, and enjoy the fluff I have written for you!

Warnings: Just some good ol’ first date fluff, still trying to get used to writing about characters with set personality’s though, so this might not be the best representation of Aizawa

Tags: Shouta Aizawa x GN!reader.

Words: 1187

(: •~~•••~~• :)

You take a deep breath, trying to chill your nerves. ‘It’s not like I should be nervous, I’m totally not going on a first date with the guy I’ve liked since I started teaching at U.A.

You were a teacher at U.A High. Currently teaching a third year class. And had been working at U.A for 6-7 years. During that time, you may or may not have developed a crush on a certain coworker of yours. And that coworker may or may not have asked you out on this date.

You shake your head and take another deep breath, there’s no need to be nervous, we both have mutual feelings for one another, and have known each other for eight years... But still this is our first date.

‘I just have to ignore these thoughts and just go in there, if I’m late he’ll probably think I stood him up.’ With that thought in mind, you walk inside.

There isn’t lot of people, but what lacks in people, it makes up for in cats. They’re cuteness makes your heart swell, and what makes your heart swell more is the sight of Aizawa playing with the kitten that wondered of to his seat near the back.

You finally decide to walk over to the table, in hopes he would spot you.

“Hello Shouta, you look handsome in a suit.” You say when you’re within hearing range. He quickly stands up and pulls out my chair, turning around, but not before you notice a slight blush gracing his cheeks.

“Thank you (y/n), you don’t look to bad yourself.” He responds and sits back down.

“Oh thank you! For pulling out my chair.” You say once he’s finished.

“It was no problem.” He shrugs and leans down to pet one of the cats that was snuggling against his leg.

You laugh at his cuteness. He’s surprisingly soft when it comes to cats, that you know, but you’ve never seen it in action.

“You should look at the menu.” He comments. You nod and pick up the menu.

After a while of looking over the menu, trying to decide what you’d like. With one last look over the menu you say “I think I’ll have the Meowcha Tea Latte.” He chuckles a little at the pun and nods standing up.

“I’m going to put in our orders.” He says. “Oh and don’t bother trying to pay.” He notes as you reach for my card. You blush ‘god he’s such a gentleman sometimes’

“Okay. Thank you.” You mange to choke out. He nods again and turns around. But not before you notice a smirk on his face ‘damnit, he saw me blush didn’t he?’ But you push that thought away, there’s no reason to get embarrassed about blushing, it’s a natural human reaction.

He comes back two drinks in hand and sets yours down in front of you. “Thank you! For getting my drink and paying” I say and take a sip of my drink, basking in the amazing flavors.

“It truly is not a problem.” He says, looking away from me with a slight tint of pink in his cheeks. He sits back down and also takes a sip of his drink.

“We should go play with the cats!” You say excitedly. You know he loves cats, and they bring a smile to his face, you like seeing him smile.

“You can go ahead, but I think I’ll stay here.” He responds, causing to to pout.

“It won’t be as much fun with out you though! And I know deep down you truly want to play with them.” You say pouting, giving him your best puppy eyes

“Please?” You ask him again.

With a huff and a sign, he says “fine.” And he rolls his eyes. He truly does love cats, and you, but that’s not important, and he totally didn’t just say yes so he could see your face brighten up with joy. He liked seeing you happy, even if he would never admit it to himself.

You smile. “Yes!” Your fist pumps in the air. This was a victory to celebrate, getting Aizawa to interact and have fun when he truly wanted to.

You both walk over to the cats play area, and sit down. You reach for a toy, as does Aizawa. But he doesn’t use it much.

He’s to busy watching you try and coax a cat to come and play with you. And when one finally does come over, he’s to busy relishing in the sound of your laughter, wishing in could last forever.

He’s to busy to notice that a cat had also wondered over to him, and proceeded to play with the toy in his hand. And when he doesn’t pay the cat any attention, it starts to claw at him. That’s when he notices

“Ow!” He semi-shouts, pulling his hand away from the toy. Your eyes quickly snap to him, worrying he might be hurt badly, but you laugh when you realize that the cat he had been playing with just scratched him.

“Are you okay?” You ask trying to suppress your laugh.

“Yeah, it just surprised me is all.” He responds. Embarrassed at the loud reaction he had.

“Are you sure? Your bleeding.” You ask concerningly. Worried that he might actually be in pain.

“It’s fine, just a cut, I’ve definitely handled worse.” He reponds and shakes his head. But you take his hand anyways, leading it back to your table, where your bag was.

You take out your mini first aid kit, and grab a bandaid, Neosporin, and a cotton swab. You look back at his hand and gently whip the blood away, then apply the Neosporin, carefully rubbing it into the cut.

He hisses. And you let out a soft laugh. “I know it hurts, but it’s better to deal with the pain now than having it get infected.” He nods at your statement, it was very much true, but that didn’t stop the pain.

When you put on the bandaid he was shocked to see his own hero costume. “Why am I on the bandaid?” He asks

“I don’t really know, I just got a large viraity pack of hero bandaids, it didn’t say all of the designs.” You shrugged.

You looked at the time and realized it was a bit late. “I should head home soon, it’s getting a little late.” You say, and he nods. You walkto the counter to ask for two to-go cups.

After retrieving said to-go cups, you walk back to the table, handing him the second one.

“Thank you.” He said. And you nod. “Not just for the cup though. Thank you for cleaning the scratch up.” You smile, it’s the least you could do, he payed for the date, even asked you out on it.

“It’s not a problem, it’s really the least I could do.” He looks like he’s about to argue, be decides not to, and leaves it be. He has all the time in the world to show you how much you truly deserve.

A/n: thank you all so much for reading, hope you enjoyed it. Again sorry if I didn’t nail his character right, I’m planning on reading the Manga(I’m so far only about 2-3 chapters past where season 4 ends(I skipped all the way to that point because I tried reading the first chapter, and saw that it wasn’t that different from the anime). And hopefully, I can read it and learn more about not only Aizawa, but the rest of the characters!

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 21.5

Hello my lovelies! I hope you guys are doing... ok? 2020 been a shitty year for all of us, so it’s ok if you aren’t ok. Just keep on keeping on. Last week was an awful week for me, which is why this episode didn’t get posted then. But I think it works out, because this episode is better than it was last week. So win win.

Also, I am HORRIBLE at remembering to thank the amazing people that help me beta this story. At least publically. So thank you to @nomadicpixel​ @heather-lynn​ @mrs-captain-evans​ and @alievans007​ for their continued support for this story.

One last thing, I’m using my new tag list for this episode. So if you used to be tagged for these and you aren’t anymore but you want to be, let me know and I’ll add you to the new tag list.

♥ Becca ♥

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in July 2014 and features Chris trying to decide to text Ellie on her birthday or not.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

This episode can also be read on AO3.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological. It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future. However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 21

Episode 21.5: To Text or Not to Text

July 17-18, 2014

Chris was on his way to the studio when the calendar on his phone alerted him to the fact that it was Ellie's birthday. With a busy day ahead of him, never mind the time difference, he ignored it.

Or tried to.

During his breaks in filming, he found his mind going back to Ellie and how they had celebrated her birthday last year. That night he'd seen her in a new light. And not in the cliché girl next door wears a pretty dress way; he'd already known she was pretty. That was obvious, just by looking at her.

But until that night, they hadn’t spent a lot of time together without the chaos of his family around. He’d realized Ellie was a woman who was simply herself and didn't want to be anyone else. A rare trait to find amongst the women he'd met in Los Angeles. It had made him want to get to know her even better.

One moment that stood out to him the most was when the paparazzi had spoiled their evening out. Instead of seeking attention or even getting upset, Ellie had taken it all in stride and they'd ended up having a fun night back at the house with Scott and Izzy playing Cards Against Humanity. He knew that their siblings would have rather been out dancing, but they had been celebrating Ellie's birthday and she'd been happy with the way the night had gone. That was all that had mattered.

Which made him wonder. Was there anything he could do this year that would make her happy? He doubted it.

Except maybe die a slow and painful death, his cynical mind offered.

Chris shook his head; despite her feelings about him at the moment, he knew she wouldn’t want him dead. If only because of how it would affect his family.

But regardless, he wasn’t even sure what he’d say to Ellie if he decided to text her.

I know I’ve ignored you for 3 months but happy birthday.

He was sure it would read even dumber than it sounded in his head. Which was why during his lunch break, he'd stared at the row with her name on it in his messages app but hadn't been able to open the string of texts. In the end, he'd locked his phone and went to have lunch with his co-stars and friends.

Now it was the end of his very full day, or rather, the early hours of the next day. But, with the time difference, it was still Ellie’s birthday in LA.

Chris had accepted Robert’s invitation for a late dinner then had gone to a pub with some of the others and only now was back in his rental. He’d been able to divert his attention in the afternoon regarding Ellie, but now that he was alone again it all came flooding back to him.

To text or not to text. That was the question.

He'd had plenty to drink that evening; enough that he was seriously tempted to let his thumbs do the talking. And yet, that sense of doubt lingered in his head about the whole situation. Clearly, he was sober enough to think rationally.

As he was debating what to do, his phone dinged, alerting him to a text message from his brother. Cautiously, Chris opened the text, unsure of what he was going to find.

I won't bug you about Ellie anymore

Chris set his phone down and rubbed his eyes before he picked it up and read Scott's text again, but it hadn’t changed. His brother had been bugging him about Ellie since April, even ignoring Chris's request to drop the subject.

"So why the sudden fucking change?" Chris muttered to himself as he studied his phone.

As he stared at it, another text from Scott appeared.

It's probably too late for you guys anyway

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Chris demanded, aloud.

The logical side of his brain screamed that it was a trap. That Scott was trying to use reverse psychology on him in another attempt to get Chris to talk to Ellie.

But what if he wasn't?

Chris wasn't sure if the feeling in his gut was unease or a sign that his dinner and drinks after weren’t sitting well. He wanted to believe it was the second, but he couldn't lie to himself, he'd been feeling uneasy all day.

He remembered how disappointed he'd felt on his birthday when Ellie hadn't reached out to him. At the same time, he couldn't blame her for not reaching out after the way he'd left town. He wished he could go back and do it all over again but differently. To tell her he needed space, that he needed time to think.

"It's probably too late for you guys anyway," he heard Scott taunt in his head.

Was it too late? Had she moved on? Or had she just given up on him? Or did she think he'd given up on her?

That last thought made him frown. Had he given up on her? He supposed he had. He'd abandoned her and their relationship. He knew he'd hurt her, even though that hadn't been his intention. His brother hadn't held back when telling him in aggravating detail just how he'd fucked up Ellie's life.

Shaking his head, Chris locked his phone and plugged it into his charger. While he wasn't drunk, he wasn't sober enough to deal with anything right now. The last thing he wanted to cause Ellie was more pain, especially on her birthday. He couldn't see how texting her after three months of silence would do anything good for either of them.

Besides, who would benefit from the message? It might make him feel better and ease his conscience for the way he'd walked away, but at what cost? He knew Scott would be doing everything in his power to make sure Ellie had a good birthday. What right did he have to interrupt a special day to lessen his guilt?

Episode 22

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

Tag List: @nomadicpixel​, @heather-lynn​, @alievans007​, @mrs-captain-evans​, @stopjustlovethemcu​, @thewannabewriter​, @guera31​, @badassbaker​, @chezdricks​, @patzammit​, @katiew1973​, @zoeloveschrisevans​, @marvelouspottering​, @pegasusdragontiger​, @smoothdogsgirl​, @peaceinourtime82​, @ek823​, @anionthewrite​, @mizzzpink​, @giftofdreams​, @janeyboo​, @princess-evans-addict​, @jesseswartzwelder​, @avenger-nerd-mom​, @furrywerewolfcollector​, @ladyamandapanda12​, @gigglegirl77​, @poisonedyouth-americanbeauty​​

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[ommsims]

story process challenge

i was tagged  by @xldkx​​ to do this challenge, created by @herpixels​​​ , like a month? a month and a half? ago and it’s been sitting half finished in my drafts for nearly as long. *sigh* (regardless, i love stuff like this so even if it takes me forever to get to it, i appreciate the tags! 💕). 

i decided to answer all the qs because it took me damn long enough to get to this, so i might as well put some extra elbow grease into it (plus it was fun!). btw it’s all going under a cut b/c it is long. i apologize in advance.

1. My Writing Process - used to be a hot damn mess. literally word docs strewn throughout my pc. However, I recently switched to using Onenote (it’s what i use to organize my d&d campaign notes) and hoo-boy is it so much nicer. this is how it’s set up and it’s honestly night and day. i can have a page with outlines, a page to organize & order screenshots, and a separate page for drafting text, and i can easily toggle though them without having to switch windows? a big thumbs up from me.

When it comes to actual writing- I used to write my drafts in novel format, which i enjoyed but it made “converting” them into tumblr posts time consuming and frustrating. I ended up scrapping most of the text in the process, retaining pretty much only the dialogue. 

Anyway, nowadays I write in more of a screenplay format: dialogue only + key scene information with the occasional note to self. 

I do keep a master “arcs” page with key events and each individual character’s arc from beginning to end and secondary “outline” pages with slightly more detailed outline for each leg of the project. No screencaps b/c spoilers galore! 

My typical work flow process for a scene goes: (1) brainstorm scene ideas, (2) take screenshots, (3) organize screenshots into a rough storyboard, (4) add 1st draft of text, (5) edit photos, (6) edit text, (7) upload to "drafts” here on tumblr, (8) let sit for a bit (9) take a final look at things/proofread and edit as needed. It may sound counterintuitive, but i find it much easier to write dialogue for a set of images rather than attempt to take images based on prewritten text. I feel more comfortable editing and tweaking tone and content in the text this way. Otherwise, I get frustrated when I “can’t” shoot a scene exactly as it appeared in my head.

2. How I build my scenes - A lot of what i do is rooted in gameplay, therefore my sets are usually (a) play-tested and (b) not super pretty. I’ve certainly improved at decorating & building over the years but more often than not I download lots off tumblr and the gallery because I don’t have the patience, aptitude, or time to build all of my own sets. That being said, I frequently gut builds only to build a number of completely unrelated mini sets inside to reduce the number of times i have to replace lots. I also keep a list of “important locations” and where certain characters live / will move to, to help keep this all straight as there aren’t nearly enough lots per neighborhood or even per world in this damn game...

my least favorite part of scene building is actually decorating. lol. Don’t get me wrong, I love clutter. I honestly do. but fuck me if i expect myself to spend hours meticulously decorating a set, spend another 3 hours toggling back and forth b/w BB & live modes adjusting things to get rid of the damn routing errors. (yeah, yeah, i know i could ignore them, they’re not important, especially in those scenarios where i’m using a set for screenshots and nothing else, but idk. it really grinds my gears.) and then have to replace the lot like a week later because there aren’t enough lots in the game. *sigh*

3. CC/Pose Making - i do not consider myself to be a cc creator nor a pose maker but i do dabble occasionally. And to be completely honest i’d much rather spend my time doing other stuff, so it’s not high on my list of priorities atm. plus there are so many talented cc creators in this community; i can usually get by with what’s already out there.

4. Getting in the zone - Honestly, I do a lot of brainstorming for plot & dialogue in the shower. I don’t have any particular playlists to get me “in the writing mood” but I do enjoy listening to music as I work. Either instrumental stuff or simply artists/songs I like. If something just so happens to “fit” a scene I’m working on, one i’ve got planned, or even just gives me vibes for a certain character or group, I add a quick note to the top of said scene’s draft. Most of the time I stick it in the recesses of my brain and add a quick link when I finally get to the point of posting the draft to tumblr. For whatever reason, when I have one of those “oh this song is perfect for X” moments it’s essentially ingrained in my mind for the rest of eternity. 

5. The screenshot folder - this will most likely give some of you out there major anxiety. but i swear it’s an organized chaos. :)

yep. 32.9gb of screenshots & related things... 

So with the raws from a single random scene selected, you can see i take roughly 10 screenshots per image posted. not terrible i guess but i’m working on it. Typically I take screenshots and once I’m done editing a scene I’ll move them from the general folder to a more specific project folder.

6. Captions - I’ll answer this in three parts:

for my townie story. not really. I prefer using the text box. I tend to write (& re-write) the dialogue for each one of these scenes several times over as I add more “scenes” into my drafts. It would be incredibly inefficient, time consuming, and would waste a lot more space on my pc to have to save .psds of each image just so i could edit dialogue when I decide: “oh hey maybe so and so needs to bring up X in this scene” and then change my mind an hour later.

for niko, noor, & co. I’m a text on image type gal here. don’t really know why, but it gives the project a different energy. ironically it makes it feel more laid-back to me. which i guess makes sense, it’s a much more light-hearted “story” than my townie project. which is, imo, very soapy haha.

for legacy stuff. all text goes below the images in the text box. reasoning: it’s gameplay, I don’t brainstorm, outline, or pre-write for this. I play the game, take screenshots, plug ‘em into my drafts and write some commentary / dialogue to go along with it.

7. Editing - i am a creature of habit and have not majorly changed my editing process in probably a year and a half (when I began using reshade and had to adjust my color correcting psd). it’s a super basic system:

drag & drop my “color correction” psd.

run actions in ps. (i made my own “all-in-one” actions to really streamline the process; i have different “actions sets” for my premades’ story and for other things that get posted to tumblr. even if no one else notices it, i like the little details that keep my projects separate and “identifiable”. 

voila. all set to upload.

sometimes i crop images, add “text effects”, or do more in depth editing (i.e. editing a phone screen or adding rain etc.) but overall i try and keep it simple for myself. 

8. Throwback - i posted an image of one of the first (but never posted) scenes I’d written for my townie project up above. but as for how would i redo a scene i’d already posted. well i’m currently re-doing my townie story so i guess i’ll just say you’ll see how it’s redone when i get to part 1! 😉

anyway, no tags because i’m so embarrassingly late to this party but if you hadn’t gotten around to this tag, wanted to do it but didn’t get a tag, or started it and left it to sit and now you’re thinking “oh god that was months ago should i even post this anymore?!?” consider yourself tagged by me and go ahead and post it for all to see!

[just-like-playing-tag]

Ok I've been tagged to a bit of tag games a while ago so I'm doing all of them in a single post. I feel like with some of them I was tagged by more than one person so sorry if I forgot to mention anyone,,

I was tagged by @shot-tothestars and @bluelric. Thank you for thinking about me <3

Rules: tag 10 follows you’d like to know better (Btw I don't get what does that mean? Do I have to tag people one follows, or people they're followed by?)

(Also I'm just skipping the questions I don't like, but here's all of them for reference in case someone else wants to do it!)

Cats or dogs: Definitely dogs!!

Current time: 12:14 pm when I started, then I stopped and now as the exact moment I'm posting this it's 01:20 am

Favorite animal: Uhm probably seaguls? But I really like birds in general, they look so free from everything. And cool marine creatures!!

When I made this blog: First post is from June the 13th!

Reason for url: Explained here :)

Tagging: Nobody here because I answered half of the questions so I don't find it fair to ask somebody to do it lol.

Tagged by @shot-tothestars; Again thank for tagging me; and feel free to hmu any time if you feel like it, I swear I don't bite XD

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to know better/catch up with

Three ships: Excluding tpn because that would be lame, the first that come to my mind are Bones x Kirk - Star Trek, (platonic) Elsa / Anna - Frozen, All Might x happiness - My Hero Academia. Now that I think about it, I've never been much of a shipping person? I personally find platonic relationships much more interesting.

Last song: The Opera - Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812. Since it's quite a long song, I listen to it significantly less than the other songs from the recording- it's still a beautiful song tho.

Last movie: I may be wrong but I think it was J. J. Abrams' Super 8. I remember being very scared by it when I was younger, so I wanted to see if watching it again now it would have still scared me. It didn't, but it was a nice movie nonetheless!

Currently reading: Unfortunately I don't read much for myself during school, and even when it's finished I find it very hard to get back on track; but I really want to read War and Peace so that's probably the one I'm starting next- together with Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground because I can't possibly read just one book at once.

Currently watching: Some things. Avatar: The Last Airbender, Death Note, rewatching Kill la Kill with my cousin; also sporadically watching Steven Universe episodes and Law & Order (the original plus SVU) whenever it plays on TV. As bonus, I just finished watching Japan Sinks and Little Witch Academia. (I hadn't realized until now how many things I was watching and had watched, wow?? I'm glad I didn't waste time.)

Currently consuming: Nothing? Should I?

Food i’m craving: Uhm... The Wok to Walk I ate back in London last year... There's so many good places to eat in London and I live in a small small town with nothing to eat, it makes me want to cry ;;;;;;

Tagging: The last three people in my dms @fandoms-and-shitpost, @puff-poff, @acaderhmic; the last three people in my notes @illbecryinginthecorner, @cookiespace, @galezea; the last three people who followed me @yeoshin-est, @losertea, @soulessgingersthings.

Tagged by @bluelric and @stray-tori. Again thank you so much <3

Rules: Answer 17 questions and tag 17 people! (Please make sure to create a new post rather than reblogging!)

Nicknames: Tag? I love the nicknames you don't chose yourself, I think it's a cute thing

Age (the long lost question everyone was wondering about): Newly 19 bby 😎

Zodiac: Cancer according to astrology and Gemini according to astronomy (I don't really believe in astrology tho,,)

Height: I really have no idea. Average??

Last thing I googled: "little witch academia"

Song stuck in my head: Drift Away - Steven Universe: The Movie.

Number of followers: Really peoples one of the best things about Tumblr is not showing the followers number, thus making it easier for smaller and bigger blogs to interact, and not creating some sort of social classes based on ephemeral and currish arbitrary assigned popularity values. Why should I tell my followers number.

n followers I love very much <3

Amount of sleep: 6/7 hours (4/5 on school days)

Lucky number: ? Dunnot? I like even numbers

Dream job: Uhm something where I can give my best to significantly do something to change the world for the better - hopefully doing something I'm especially good at. Like, putting my abilities to the service of the community. I'll start studying political science at university! (I don't really aim to become a politician tho)

Wearing: I've spent more than one hour looking for an imagine of my shirt on the internet, but, as I should have expected, it seems like clothes companies delete the public data about older collections. Anyway, it's a cute, white, very light shirt with short sleeves. It's got thin vertical stripes of various pastel colors and it's made of a kinda rough material I can't seem to identify. Under that there's high-waisted, light blue jeans. I like this outfit, I find it pretty. I like wearing pretty things even when I'm staying home, it makes me feel good about myself.

Favorite song: With no hesitations, No One Else - Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812. The only doubt I have is if I prefer Phillipa Soo's or Denée Benton's version.

Favorite instruments: Probably piano; second place is cello.

Favorite author: Of what? If this is about books, I don't feel like I read enough to give a fair answer, but so far Dostoevsky and Kafka really stuck with me.

Favorite animal sound: Seaguls' squeal!!!! But also lil birdies' chirping.

Aesthetic: Docks!! The seaguls screaming in the air. The sun shining in the blue sky, originating mesmerizing reflects on the sea, like millions of dimonds. All the smells in the world concentrated in just one place. The movement, the life!! So many sights, smells, flavors and feelings mixing together. The ephemeral beauty of catching, for a single moment, the sight of something marvelous and extraordinary, and never getting to see it again, but cherishing this exaggerated memory of that serendipity. The hectic atmosphere of people going to and fro. The concept of connecting different cultures, the concept of leaving for new adventures. Just one place filled with complete strangers all so different, all so unique, where you can disappear - but without losing yourself. I just find harbors neat!

Random: My posts follow a 4 fanart posts/ 4 text posts (or 2 fanart posts/ 2 text posts) pattern; it physically hurts to mess up, thus it can happen that some of the most recent reblogs may disappear for a while (but they always come back ;)

Tagging: @neverlandstrio, @idlyingabout , @holy-mantequilla, @vapidsoup, @dpgoinghost, @chidoroki, @lovesick-lovely, @ueno-ito-en, @x-supernova, @notelectrictiger12, @bubblesandpages, @joy-in-gold-shadows, @thathilomgirl, @yalikejazzmydude, @neo--queen--serenity, @wheatormeat, @icyhotsparkybroccoli but really feel free to ignore this if you don't like this stuff

And everyone else who wants to do this (or any of the others!!)

[thoughtfulpaperback]

On Macy x Abby and Hacy

Okay y'all. Just gonna say this before it all starts getting crazy. Maddy and Poppy have mad chemistry. I mean I think we as hacy fans should recognize that. Remember when we were like "OMG Harry and Macy have so much chemistry, the actors are so amazing in scenes together! We ship it!" And people thought we were crazy or racists and said it was never gonna happen. I want to say most of us (although my scope was limited to tumblr and what I saw in the tags) werent aggressive back then. Yah sure many of us didn't think Macy and Galvin had chemistry and some didn't care for Ser after his twitter comment. But a lot of us weren't against Macy and Galvin. We just didnt thinking was that relationship was end game and held out hope for Hacy to happen.

I don't think it is fair of us to then become aggressive with any Macy x Abby shippers. Or to hate on the character. I mean she is supposed to be a villian and manipulative so like to say she needs to leave the show because she is acting in her capacity as a villian make little sense. Right now she is a more interesting villian than what we had last season. Though that may change considering she was just barely introduced this episode.

That also said, if the Macy x Abby shippers become aggressive with you or say something you disagree with, just block and ignore. Harry and Macy have had chemistry since season 1 the fact Maddy and Poppy have on screen chemistry too doesn't take away from Hacy. It doesn't. We didn't imagine the chemistry any more than Macy x Abby shippers are.

Is Macy x Abby problematic? I am a hacy shipper so I will recognize that I am biased. But trying to recognize that and not let it cloud my judgment, I say it is based on a couple of reason that could be fixed in the future of the show.

1. Sexuality erasure. I would think we would all agree that if some one were to ship Mel with a man and say well she could be bisexual we would say that was a big no. It isnt right. Macy hasn't shown any interest in women and has only been with one man so far. So I am uncomfortable with the idea of " oh well let's just make her bisexual". That said, there is a huge difference between Mel and Macy's sexualities. Mel is 100% Lesbian (not that it is a percentage thing) she even stated in episode 3 of season one that she has been with a man and didn't enjoy it. Macy has never stated any sort of sexual preference. And Maddy said, I think, that during season 1 she was sort of playing Macy as if she was asexual. So there is that. In the end its whatever the show runners eventually want so we are just gonna have to watch.

2. Abby is a villian. Yes we dont know much about her and she maybe more of a grayish character in the future, but she is obviously working either for the demons or with them (maybe even wants to be the leader). She tried to kill Macy. I know that people love the enemies to lovers trope and I like it too, but I personally only like it under certain conditions. Mainly that the enemy hasn't tried to actively kill the person. Stop them from foiling thier plans is okay, but actually physically tried to kill them is a big no for me. Chemistry or not. I think it leaves to much room for misinterpretation for toxic relationships.

That said I feel the same about dark!harry. For me he is interesting in revealing and developing Hacy, but I would never approve of Macy being in a relationship with Dark!Harry. For the exact same reasons I cant get behind Macy x Abby

Anyways so, yes problematic, but not so problematic as to warrant a large amount of hate. Also for people who don't like hacy and possibly some of the melko and Mel x Jada fans who didnt like Hacy, Macy x abby is a ship that they would stick around and watch the show for. Even if I don't think the show would do it, especially since hacy fans have been pretty good to the show in support, letting everyone enjoy their ships is good for the show. Eventually we will see what is end game or not.

So let's all just be as civil and kind to one another as we can. Just ignore and block those who can't.

[marvelmymarvel]

Hi just submitted a request and also I was just wondering if you have any tips for new writers on starting a blog and such?

Hello!! I got your request and I am excited to write it! It's very specific and if that means your 20th birthday is coming up then HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Now for the tips... (Aka things I wish I knew before starting this blog!)

Long post ahead so read if you want to know how I set up my stuff and some advice for beginning a writing blog <3

Story Setup and Ideas:

When starting a writing blog, begin writing for one fandom that you are truly passionate about. For me, it was Band of Brothers at the time which is why my blog is heavy with it. Now, I am a multi-fandom blog and knew I would be when I began and if you would like to be multi one day as well don't be afraid of starting small. It's best to start small and with one fandom so you don't feel overwhelmed.

Now that you have your one fandom, find your favorite character or characters and write!! Heres how I write a story:

Figure out the idea, this can come from a moment with a friend, something I saw, or a song I heard. Once this idea is in your head write it down!! I have papers full of ideas and when I get in the mood I will refer back to them.

Figure out the pairing. This should come with the first part but sometimes I don't know exactly WHO I want it to about so play around with the scenes in your head. Who is the reader kissing? Who fits with this song??  Who would fit the feel of this scene? Those are some of the questions I ask myself if I don't know a pairing.

Set up the post. This is something I wish I did in the first part of my blog as it took a long time to fix every post so they look the same. Heres how I have them set up and feel free to use or take from this setup for yourself <3. With the Text Post option:

Title

Pairing (Bolded and with the header size)

Synopsis: It was a rainy day in the park but he kept her warm inside.

Trigger Warnings: Blood (This isn’t needed if you have no warnings but you can have it anyway and just put none)

Song: Song Title - Artist (Link: ---------) (Again, not needed unless you have a song that you wish for people to listen to)

A/n: (Finally the authors note, again, it's not needed but I like to talk a lot lol)

Gif/Banner/Etc (Heres where I add a gif of the character I’m writing for or something else that kicks off the story and drags people in. If it's not your gif, either credit the owner if you can find them or simply say its not your gif. I just now began doing this as I have a lot of gifs that I obviously didn’t create and I want to credit them)

Story (Here I like to put a keep reading after a paragraph that is sure to bring a reader in. Your goal is to make them click that ‘keep reading’ option)

Tags: (If you have people that want to be tagged, add them here) 

Hashtags: #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky Barnes imagine #bucky Barnes imagines (Basically for your hashtags at the end, make as many as you can but do not, I repeat DO NOT tag a character that is not important. For instance, if you are writing a story for bucky x reader and the reader has no important ties to steve do not include him. If there was a love triangle in which a reader will read both, then it is alright. Don't clickbait, that's all we ask ;) Adding to that, go ahead and just tag the character itself as well as the fandom!!)

That's how I set up my stories but I would like to let all the baby blogs know that Tumblr has this weird thing called an algorithm, and it sucks. You will not see your post show up on any of those tags for at least 48 hours. Once you post multiple things to that tag or they have ruled that you are not a bot then your stuff will show up. This was a stressor so I hope this knowledge calms you down :)

If you have a hard time with scenarios, ask for ideas!!!

Make rules if you are accepting ideas and don’t be afraid to turn down requests you don’t like/feel comfortable with. It will not alert the user that you deleted their ask so do not feel bad!

Stick to your rules and make sure your blog is a healthy and safe environment.

Once you are ready to move on to more fandoms, go ahead and try it out. If it becomes too much cut it back down. Also, don't be afraid to move away from the fandom you started in. Sadly, I am not as ‘intrigued’ with BOB like I once was. That doesn't mean you won't occasionally write for your beginning fandom but tastes change. 

Do what makes YOU happy.

MENTAL HEALTH SECTION:

Because mental health is real and I want all of my baby blogs to be happy, I’m going to let you know some tips and tricks to stay calm.

Remember, this is a blog and you are able to step away for as long as you need if things get stressful.

Remember that the faithful and caring followers will stick around and support you no matter what. You aren’t alone and you don’t owe anyone anything.

I have like 5 requests in my inbox and I know that those who requested know I will get to it but if I don't, I don't. They will not attack me. 

Any follower who attacks you should be reported and blocked immediately. Never let someone make you feel trapped.

When you feel burned out (we have all been there and I still am) do not push yourself. If you are only able to do one story a month then that's okay. Even one story a year is alright, just don't feel like you have to deliver. Your personal life and wellbeing come first. 

If you feel like one of your stories is shit, know that you are putting yourself down and do not delete it. I have one story that has 0 likes and never has that ever happened to me, but I refuse to take it down because I like it. 

Writing should be your escape, not your jail cell. (Something I had to tell myself a lot last year and I wish someone told me)

If you feel stressed and want your followers to know that you’re doing alright just need some time then post a lovely message to your Tumblr and call it good. Most likely, you’ll get messages and comments hoping that you feel better, those are the best followers.

Personal Safety Section:

So my moms a correctional nurse (Aka a nurse at a jail) and she is very protective of me being on the internet. That being said here are some tips I have for you to be safe (Again feel free to ignore some or agree to all, these are just my beliefs and I do not shame anyone who doesn't follow them!):

DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR REAL NAME UNLESS YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST SOMEONE. The name I have on my blog is VERY similar to my real name but for safety reasons, I don't go by my real name. Only like 2 followers know my real name and even then it took a while before I said it. 

DO NOT POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF: God I sound like a boomer, but really you shouldn’t just up and post a picture of yourself unless you really want to. I have thought about posting a pic but thought “Yeah no...”

DO NOT GIVE OUT YOUR ADDRESS/CITY/STATE: I have only ever said on my blog that I am in the midwest of the US, but that's it. Never ever give anyone your address/city or your state. 

DO NOT GIVE OUT OTHER INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF: This can include your school, age (if below 18 because of predators), phone number (unless a friend that you trust), etc. 

BE CAREFUL. When someone messages you, don't be afraid to chat but if things feel fishy stop responding and block the person. 

Okay, my mother side is done ranting... Just be careful kiddos. As a certified adult, I can say that the internet is scary and that as a teenager (a whole year ago) I did stupid shit... So if you are a teen (Especially below 18) just be careful and think before posting anything personal. If you have any other questions or comments, go ahead and let me know. I am open ears. Also dear anon, please tell me this blog when you get started, I’d like to follow you :)

[crxsszeria]

Crackships seem popular right now for DW, what do you like besides Jia Chong x Wang Yuanji? ^^

YES YES I LOVE SHIP ASKS THANK YOU FOR THIS MEAL

“Kuri why is this shit in the dw tag” see bottom of post

I don’t think it’s so much popular atm but rather a handful of people posting ship content? :0 With the relatively inactive tag it does make shipping things look much more prominent rip the old days :weary:

Anyway!! I like A LOT, but I could list a few! :3 I haven’t been very diverse bc z-raid’s art got me hyped up again for Chong/Yuanji, so I (unsurprisingly) went back into hyperfixation on them and ignored everything else fjklgdj I love them sO MUCH—-

For crackships, I enjoy Cao Pi/Lingqi at the moment but I haven’t drawn them yet because of above reason. BUT I REALLY LOVE THIS ONE. They had one (1) interaction in Godseekers and it was great. I am extremely easy to please as I already thrived off of headcanons alone.

I also really like Lu Xun/Guan Yinping thanks to fanart of them, and then Clouds and Rain just sealed the deal, it’s so immersive *v*!! They have so much charm and potential, I love cross-kingdom ships for the spicy drama that naturally comes with it too ehuehueuhe

I adore Wang Yi/Cai Wenji, although it’s a bit of a back burner ship that I don’t talk about much~ ;u; But I love to think that two people who had it rough could find light and joy in one another and be able to move on together.

Honestly so many things that I just have to think about for more than a minute and I’d gush over.

And there’s a lot of other stuff I’ve gotten interested in thanks to tumblr rp over the years, like Zhou Tai/Zhenji. Even tho it’s really quiet on the rp side of the dw fandom too and I wish I had spent more time with people before they went inactive, I’LL ALWAYS CHERISH THOSE MOMENTS QAQ

Side note I’m gonna put this in the tag because I have a burning question:

What’s your (non-canon) dw ship?

I want to gradually draw & make edits of other people’s ships, and not just flood the tag with my own indulgences LOL I’m sure it’s getting obnoxious!

[not-poignant]

how exactly do you cope with or respond to fandoms that just seem overall incredibly unsupportive/close minded? like there's certain works that I'm into, but sometimes, the fandom just isn't my cup of tea and I don't know what to do

I’ve been in like...a couple of toxic fandoms in the past. One became toxic over a period of time, for a short period of time, due to specific BNFs in the fandom (that would be Rise of the Guardians about 6 years ago - it’s not like that anymore and hasn’t been for a long time, I wouldn’t have been able to write TGATNW otherwise I think), and the other was Dragon Age. I mean there are other fandoms I’m in like Steven Universe and Voltron that are obviously famous for being super toxic, but aside from looking at fanart and the occasional fic, I’m not very involved and so it’s easy to avoid. 

Honestly, re: the ‘how do you cope’ I just ignore it? Like, the Detroit: Become Human fandom has been really bizarre. Not toxic just...WEIRD. Lmao. But I didn’t start writing for those people, I started writing the story for myself and like the one or two people I thought would like the story. And when certain types of comments started getting me down, I then began ignoring the fandom actively in favour of thinking about those people instead. 

Like, I get to choose how much I interact with a fandom. Even with products I really love, like Dragon Age, I follow only about two or three dedicated DA posters who I feel curate their feeds pretty well. I don’t compromise by thinking ‘oh well even though they post things that make me uncomfortable / anti stuff the fanart they post is worth it.’ It’s NOT worth it, if it exposes me to those kinds of attitudes on a regular basis. The occasional post from a mutual I can generally ignore (unless it’s an anti post), but I’m not going to pick up people to follow who are 50% good content and 50% ‘oh god.’ Because you’re not going to end up enjoying the good content very much in that scenario. 

So some fandoms I read a lot of fics very actively, interact with authors etc. I think that’s more typical of me in Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji, especially among Ciel/Sebastian shippers. Ditto Thorki shippers in Marvel. Sometimes you see me posting more fanart for that stuff over at @capillata not because I actually care about those fandoms more than other ones, but because I can afford to follow more people because the fandoms overall are less toxic etc. 

The other thing to keep in mind is that say, for example, Steven Universe, I would consider myself a part of that fandom because I reblog fanart, I watch the show pretty religiously, I know all the words to the songs, etc. But I’m not the gross, wanky, anti part of it. I’m still a part of fandom just because I’m not like, in the section it’s most famous for. I daresay most members of the Steven Universe fandom are just like me. They’re just quieter and less loud and are more likely to walk away from stupid arguments! So anon, generally speaking, if you are interacting with the fanworks of a fandom, you are part of the fandom too! Just...in a different way to what you’re seeing. Chances are, unless the fandom is literally only four people, you’re not alone. :D It can take time to find the quieter, less drama-focused members of fandom precisely because they are quieter and less drama-focused. They won’t be tagging all their posts into the main tags, their Twitters may be hard to find, etc. 

It also helps to be in more than one fandom. Like, that way you sort of have refuges from where the drama is likely to explode. 

Problematic pockets of fandom are getting larger these days due to the validation of antis in the mainstream. So it becomes more important than ever to develop your own tools which look like: 

* Not developing absolutist thinking. It’s easy to go ‘this fandom is toxic’ but the reality is it’s usually only a pocket of the fandom who are the loudest and most disruptive. Even in the most famously shitty fandoms (Voltron), there are reasonable, fair-minded, ‘ship what you like you’re valid’ people. It’s true, I know them and I am one. Absolutist thinking will lock you away from those people before you even have a chance to find or meet them. 

* Curate your feeds! Be fussy/picky about what you follow. If you can, use things like Saviour or New X-Kit on Tumblr to blacklist trigger or squick words. Don’t be afraid to block antis or similar on Twitter. Don’t worry about what you’ll ‘miss out on’ in the process. Be gently ruthless with what you keep around you. 

* If the fandom isn’t great because it’s quiet, encourage it along if you have the voice/energy for it. Put positive energy into the fandom. 

* Remember that you are a part of the fandom too if you’re engaging in it and want to be. 

* Encourage the works that you think are what you’re looking for in the fandom. Say you’re in an anti-dominated fandom and someone writes a ‘controversial’ work that you LOVE, see about taking the time to comment or send an ask to the author saying you enjoyed it. Send it on anon if you have to, but consider the ways you can support the parts of fandom you actively enjoy. It’s the best way to see more of it (this is obviously energy dependent lol). 

* Remember you can peace out from the fandom. There is nothing to stop you from just reading fanworks forever, and never engaging in the fandom at all. Tbh this was me for the majority of my time re: fanfiction. I may have written Misfits fanfiction, but I’m not active in the fandom. The same can be said for Rise of the Guardians and even now Detroit: Become Human. (Though the latter is because the areas of fandom I was in kind of died lmao). There’s no litmus test saying that you’re only valid if you’re in the fandom, that’s some bullshit.

Anyway, tl;dr - I cope by avoiding the bad shit, and carefully curating my Tumblr feeds (or any place where I see fandom stuff, like Twitter as well), and by remembering that I’m also a part of the fandom, and that if I can be in it and not be a shouty anti while I’m in it, there will be other people like me in that fandom who are the same. Good luck, anon! 

(The super short answer is: ‘If it isn’t your cup of tea then just read the fics friendo, no one’s stopping you’)

[krsnlove]

Special Delivery

A/N: 1. This was a prompt requested by the tumblr bff @alj4890. 

2. This also fits the March Choices Community thing for 29: HONEST by @mariamulroney. 

2. It was only supposed to be a drabble and then it got to be 13 PAGES. Ridiculous. You’ll see when you read it. I probably should’ve stopped it earlier. But again, wrote myself in a corner Lol

3. But I’m glad I did because this was one thing I always wondered about Drake and Olivia. While I adore them to death, one cannot ignore that they come from very different backgrounds. I couldn’t imagine the transition being easy on either of them. I thought this fic highlighted an important argument they would have, on more than one occasion. 

Pairing: Drake x Olivia, Maxwell x Amanda [OC]

Rating: Fluffy Angst

Tagging: @alj4890 @carabeth @darley1101 @thecordoniandiaries @toglidethroughlife @vickypoochoices @cocomaxley @lodberg @hopefulmoonobject @i-choose-liam

She’s going to kill him.

The question was which one, she wasn’t sure yet. But one of them was going to pay for putting her through this.

Storming through the grounds of her childhood home, Olivia Nevrakis-Walker, was not in the mood to be reminded of the addition to her name. Not today anyway. Other days she involuntarily announced it to the world.

But today is not one of those days.

She cuts through the spacious dining room to get to the study, where her phone has been charging for the last ten minutes. Pity technology hasn’t invented a device with never-ending battery power. She despised having to put her life on hold because these damned machines couldn’t keep up with her.

The butler is suddenly in the doorway, clearing his throat to announce his arrival, Olivia acknowledges his presence by holding one finger up to silence him while studying the handheld screen intently. Her anger grows with each passing second as she reads the newest developments of the predicament she was finding herself in.

Looks like she was going to have to murder both of them. Too bad, she thought to herself. She has rather enjoyed having a ruggedly sexy, albeit slightly annoying, man by her side.

Oh well. All good things had to come to an end anyway. No use crying over it.

“You were going to say?,” she looked expectantly to her butler who stood attentively at the doorway.

“The uh, guests have arrived.”

Olivia narrowed her eyes past the butler, and let out a sigh as she pressed her lips into a thin line. “Show them to the dungeons then.”

“Dungeons?”

“I believe you refer to it as the cellar.”

Her words bring a small smile to the butler’s face as he bows his head before leaving the room. 

“Just wait Walker. I’m going to get you,” she said out loud to no one, “I’ll get you. And your little friend.”

“Are you sure?,” the concern in Amanda’s voice is evident, asking Drake for the umpteenth time.

“You’ve asked him a thousand times, babe. He said it’s fine. Right Drake?,” Maxwell’s question is directed at the object of Olivia’s threats. Well, one of them anyway. Maxwell didn’t know he was being threatened.

“If you keep asking me I’m going to say no and then what are you going to do?,” Drake asked with annoyance.

Amanda bit her bottom lip in a contemplative manner and glanced at the black and white Bernese Mountain dog named, Duke and a brown and white Border Collie named, Sir-Barks-Alot. Their heads lean to the side with a curious stare at her, eyes begging to be told to hop into the car for a family outing.

“I just haven’t heard from Olivia is all. I want to be sure. I’ve only been dealing with you,” she stared with accusing eyes at her childhood friend, realization finally dawning on her. “Please, please, please tell me you told her?”. Drake says nothing as he leans back on the two hind legs of the chair, arms folded, and suddenly interested in the decorum of Amanda and Maxwell’s home.

“You guys have to tell me who your decorator is cause this,” he waves his hand in the air before placing it on his cheek, “is beautiful. Just beautiful.”

“Drake you did tell ‘Liv that you agreed to dogsit Duke and Sir-Barks-Alot this weekend... right?!,” Amanda ignores his feeble attempts at dodging her question.

“I’ve been telling ‘Liv that blackout curtains could really liven up the castle but--,”.

“Drake.”

“She never listens to me. Says I don’t know anything about decorum,” his puts his hands up in a mocking manner.

“Drake.”

“I’ll show her decorum,” he muttered as he stared at the four legged animals, “Won’t we boys?,” they shifted their attention to him with their tails moving in a frenzy as if they were in on a secret with Drake. A broad smile crosses his face as he stands up and makes his way to the dogs, giving them each a generous rousing on their canine heads.

“All right you two. Get out of here. We’ll see you guys Monday,” Drake begins to usher her and an all too willing Maxwell who was pulling along two pieces of luggage. Amanda eyed her husband and friend suspiciously, noticing the wink Maxwell gives Drake before moving outside the door.

That’s when it all made sense.

The ‘spontaneous’ last minute trip Maxwell wanted to take her on. The fact that she hasn’t seen Olivia in over a week. Her phone mysteriously disappearing for a week before magically resurfacing just a few hours ago.

They planned all this. The two had actually thought they could keep her and Olivia in the dark. Men, she thought to herself as she shook her head.

Without missing a beat, Amanda kneels before Duke and Sir-Barks-Alot giving each one her undivided attention as she bids them farewell, with Maxwell following suit before they both climb into the waiting car. They wave good-bye to Drake as the car speeds off the Nevrakis grounds.

“Who are you texting?,” Maxwell asks her, slowly leaning over to her side. She can’t see his eyes attempting to read the words on her screen, but she can feel them. Quickly moving away from him so as to obscure his prying eyes, she taps out the rest of her message before hitting the send button.

“You, my dear husband, have no idea what you’ve just done.”

“What?”

She turns to face him with a sweet smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I know what you two are doing. Keeping me and Olivia away from each other.”

His mouth fell slightly open before closing it. She can see him clear his throat before he spoke. “We weren’t...keeping you two...apart..?” Amanda couldn’t tell if he was asking her or telling her. Either way. He and that menacing friend of theirs wasn’t going to get away with anything.

“Olivia isn’t one to be messed with,” she simply said. Maxwell relaxed a bit at her words, waving his hand in the air as if to dismiss her statement. He’s had a lot of experience with Olivia and knew to just steer clear of her when she was in one of her moods. “And neither am I,” Amanda suddenly added.

Maxwell sat straight up, the laugh that almost escaped his mouth seconds ago was now gone. “I wasn’t...we weren’t….messing with you…?” Again, unsure if he was asking or telling her. Maxwell has seen Amanda make good on her ‘promises’. She seemed to confuse the words ‘threat’ and ‘promise’ but that was a different argument for another time.  

Amanda suddenly moves to straddle him, rendering Maxwell useless, at the sudden turn of events. Her hands on his shoulders, she presses a kiss to his lips. Then another kiss on his cheek. Making a trail from his mouth to her ear, Maxwell isn’t sure if he should be scared or excited, but he doesn’t move. He can’t move. Not when her lips are on him like this.

She stops at his ear, placing one final kiss on his earlobe before he feels the warmth of her breath in his ear. “We’ll see, my sweet husband.” And with that she removes herself from her position and resumes her place in the seat next to him.

“Oh! We’re already here,” she cheerfully announced as the car pulls up to their private plane. As if she wasn’t the angel of death seconds ago. “This is going to be so fun!,” Amanda said with a smile that both excited and terrified Maxwell.

Drake’s laugh at Duke and Sir-Barks-Alot was heard throughout the Nevrakis estate. Even Olivia heard it. She tried hard not to but how could she ignore that infectious, deep yet maddening laughter of his? She knew of his love for animals. And he knew of her love for animals...from afar. Maybe love was a bit strong. For the past few weeks he had brought up the idea of adopting a dog but she had immediately turned it down. Who did she look like? Penelope? No, she bitterly thought. And as far as she knew, dogs did not have a place in a Nevrakis home. Nevrakis-Walker home, she corrected herself.

But was it his home, she asked herself. A question that would gnaw at her here and there. Although her conscious has been relentless with concern over him being comfortable in her childhood home. A small part of her knew that Drake needed to feel like this place was, is, his refuge. Would a pet really make that a reality for him? She shook her head as if to dismiss the thought entirely. It didn’t excuse him from volunteering their home for those dogs. Their home and her help.

After running around the vast estate, while leaving a trail of destruction, Drake settled down with the two dogs on the cold floor of the cellar. They look at him expectantly before he realizes their water bowls are empty.

“I guess you guys need some water huh?”

Sir-Barks-Alot, living up to his name, let out a hearty bark in reply. “I’ll be right back you two,” and with that Drake left his guests alone in the cellar.

With a couple bottles of water in hand, Drake made his way back to his weekend visitors. Any other person would’ve asked the butler to bring some water down, he thought to himself. But he knew he never would. Or couldn’t was more like it. His legs weren’t broken. It wasn’t as if he had transformed into one of those useless nobles of the court who couldn’t walk a few steps without whining for the aide of the hired help.

Life had drastically changed. He knew it would once he and Olivia announced their engagement. Maybe not this much he thought grimly. Moving into the Nevrakis Castle had been an uphill war with her but in the end he knew Olivia could not leave her home. But he knew could. And he did. Olivia 1, Drake 0. But he won the battle on his old place being their home away from home when they needed to be close to the royal palace. Olivia 1, Drake 1. His taste for whiskey gradually changed to the red wine they would drink every night after dinner. Olivia 2, Drake 1.

Even his denim shirts were disappearing. He didn’t know how, especially since moving them into a locked wardrobe with the sole key being in his posession, but he was sure his wife had something to do with the fact he has about two left. He briefly stares down at the hideous light salmon polo he grudgingly pulled on earlier that morning. Olivia 3, Drake 1. The competitor in him couldn’t allow this to go on anymore. Today, he thought to himself with an arrogant smirk, he was going to tie up the score. Specifically, Sir-Barks-Alot and Duke would be anyway. 

Olivia knew she shouldn’t allow them to do this but to hell with it, she thought. If Drake Walker thought he could pull a fast one over her then he had another thing coming.

“Duuuuuukeeeeee!”

The side of Olivia’s mouth turned up into a devious smile as she heard the faint voice of Drake’s summoning. She can hear the small distinction of panic in his voice too. Lovely, she thought. She did have the Nevrakis blood running through her veins after all.

“Sir-Barks-Alooooot!”

She listened to his heavy footsteps nearing her study. Impatient and angry, she said to herself. Olivia could tell the mood he was in by the sound of his footsteps. Quick and light, excited. Slow and deliberate, pensive. “You,” his words came out in a low growl which made the moment so much better. She looked up and saw his face menacingly staring at her. Putting on her best smile she saved only for the cameras, she greeted him.

“Me.”

“Where are they ‘Liv?”

“They?”

“You know who I’m talking about.”

“Let’s see. I know the butler was just here. The maids should be done dusting the living area. They’re probably moving towards the --”.

“The dogs ‘Liv. Where are the dogs!?,” he asked impatiently. His hands still holding unto the abandoned leashes he found in the cellar a few minutes ago.

Sitting back in her chair and folding her arms, she tilts her head to the side and gives him a curious look. “Dogs?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know about them.”

“I assure you Drake. I have no idea what you’re referring to. You wouldn’t knowingly bring dogs into our home--”.

“Olivia.”

“--When I already told you that I’m deathly allergic to them and --”.

“Cut the crap Olivia. You’re not allergic to dogs. I’m not an idiot.”

Her eyes widen with surprise for a moment. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of letting him know he was right. But it was too late. He already noticed her face flinch at his accusation.

“Why? Why would you need to lie about that?,” he let out a sigh as he leaned his back against the doorframe, arms folded. She tore her eyes away from him, not wanting to admit her guilt.

“Dogs do not have a place in my home,” she said. Still unable to meet his eyes. She waited for him to say something, anything, but only silence followed.

“‘My home,” he finally spoke. The words cut her and she immediately noticed her mistake. “Funny. I gave up my home to make this,” he motioned his hand into the air, “our home.”

“Drake--”.

“What do you want from me Olivia?,” he spoke in a low voice.

“I don’t want any-”, she began to speak but he cut her off.

“All I wanted was something in your home to be mine.”

“What are you talking about?!,” her words coming out more of an accusation than a question. “This is your home. Everything here is yours. You can’t be this upset, arguing over a dog?,” she asked incredulously. He let out a sarcastic chuckle as he shook his head.

“No!,” his voice rising, “We’re arguing about me uprooting my life and-,” he cut himself off before saying something he knew he would come to regret. After several seconds, he spoke again in a low, controlled voice. “Just tell me where the dogs are Olivia.”

“If you think you’re going to bully me into-,” this time she is the one who is speechless as Drake rushes towards her in three long strides until he is standing in front of her, staring down into her jade colored eyes.  She found it both thrilling and...intimidating? Odd, she thought to herself.

“The dogs, Olivia.”

He refuses to move requiring her to push the desk chair back before she is able to stand from her seat. When she turns to him, his face is incredibly close to hers, as if daring her to say something. “I’ll tell you where the dogs are,” she said cooly. He cocked a brow and looked at her expectantly. She is barely able to hide the smile that comes to her at his facial expression.

“What’s the catch?,” he asked. He’s wasn’t an idiot. He could see she would ask something of him before revealing the dogs location. To his surprise she went to the door of the study and closed it.

“Please,” she gestures her hand to the two seat furniture on the other side of the room. She waits for him to take a seat before filling the other next to him. They haven’t done this. Not yet anyway. Maybe it was past due but something in her subconscious mind wouldn’t let her forget the words he had practically yelled just a few minutes ago. ‘Uprooting my life’, that’s what he had said. Those words were still ringing in her ears. She had to be careful about approaching this though. It was a sensitive topic after all. That much she knew.

“Uprooting your life,” she blurted out. Damn it.

“What?”

She cleared her throat, “You said something about uprooting your life. What did you mean by that?”

His head went back as if he was trapped in a tedious conversation. She couldn’t see it but she knew he was rolling his eyes too. “Nothing Olivia,” he said simply. She tried not to grunt in reply. She hated not being in the know of certain things. The Court. The estate. Other noblemen’s incredibly dull lives. It gave her pertinent information she required should the need arise when others decisions inadvertently affected her life. But Drake. It was different with him. While she knew she was in love with him she wasn’t foolish enough to think she knew everything about him. His feelings, his thoughts, they ran deep. And the need to know just how deep increased day by day.

“‘Liv?”.

“Hm?,” suddenly remembering he was still there. “Oh sorry. Lost in thought.” Drake nodded his head in understanding. Olivia was speechless, for once others might say. He’s your husband you idiot, she was practically yelling at herself inside. Yet, she wasn’t sure how to get him to open up to her. It wasn’t as if she was well-versed at being someone’s confidante, thank goodness. But once again this man, made her want to be more for him. Not just his wife. Not just his confidante. But the need to be his best friend. Well one of them she thought as images of Liam and that dolt Maxwell flash through her mind.

“Can you just tell me where they are? They haven’t had anything to drink yet. I’d like to --”.

“Do you regret this?,” she suddenly asked.

“Regret what?,” she noticed a hurt look in his eyes. “This?,” he gestured between the two of them with his finger. She nodded her head, fearful of speaking in case nothing came out. Or worse, a cry.

“Wha-Olivia, no. Of course not. How..why would you think that?,” the hurt in his eyes was now accompanied with concern. At least he was worried she thought. Olivia shrugged her shoulders and stared at her hands fidgeting in her lap. A Nevrakis. Fidgety? The irony wasn’t lost on her.

“You have given up a lot to be with me,” she said in a surprisingly even tone. It was true. Sometimes it didn’t seem fair, she thought as a picture of his modest empty home came into mind. The past few months flash through her mind as she remembers everything he’s had to give up. It seemed to make sense he would have to sacrifice more being that she was a Duchess and all. But she felt...guilty? At being born in this kind of life. It wasn’t her fault, they both knew that, but the battle between married life and courtly obligations wasn’t always fair.

“I knew what I would be agreeing to when I wanted to marry you--,”. He saw in his peripheral view, Olivia trying to discreetly wipe at her eyes. “What’s wrong?!,” he moved his hand to wipe the tears that wet her cheeks.

Was she actually crying, she angrily asked herself. Olivia shook her head with such intensity it felt as if her head would roll right off her shoulders. “Nothing! Nothing!,” was all she could say as Drake fussed over her. He leaned over the furniture and grabbed a box of tissues sitting on the nearby table before pulling a couple out and handing it to her. His strong hands rubbing her back before pulling her into his embrace.

“I don’t,” he began, his voice shaky. Olivia’s own breath seemed to stop, unsure of what he was going to say. Even Drake was hesitant because he never finished his sentence. It was as if silence suddenly became his first language. Olivia quietly sat with him for a few more minutes. Drake was perched up against the arm of the furniture with her leaning against him while his arm draped over her shoulders holding her close, when her patience finally wavered. She moved out of his hold and stared at him in disbelief.

“If you can’t even admit that Walker,” she said angrily, “what are we doing? I never asked you to give up anything. I was perfectly fine with having more than one main residence but you insisted on moving here. You’re more than welcome to go back to your own home!” He looked at her, just looked at her. She had half the mind to slap that look off his face. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “What are we doing? Maybe we were kidding ourselves when we thought this could work,” she let out a small laugh.

“Do you want me to move out?,” he asked quietly, catching her off-guard. Did he really just ask that? Her heart, contrary to popular belief she did have one, felt like it would fall out of her chest at any moment.

“If you want to move out, I won’t stop you,” she managed to say. She wasn’t going to hold him here like some hostage. If he wanted to leave then he should. The future, regrettably, played before her eyes and she could actually feel the heartache of not being with the man who had somehow stolen her heart. It’d be hard but she would overcome it. Eventually, as she always has.

“You didn’t answer my question,” she looked at him with an annoyed expression when he spoke again. “Do you want me to move out?,” this time he looked into her eyes and Olivia could feel her heart and soul slowly breaking at the vulnerability in his eyes.

“If you want to--,”.

“No!,” his voice rising, “Tell me now Olivia. Do you want me out or not?!”

For as long as she can remember Olivia only cried when she was either one: sad, even if it was in private. And two: when she was angry. Not just angry but livid. For the life of her she could not understand of all the accompanying ways to show it, shedding tears was hers. Yet here she was, the later being the reason why tears flowed freely from her eyes.

“I just told you. If you want to go, leave already!,” her voice slightly louder than his and she made sure to devoid it with any kind of emotion. It was petty. But again, she is a Nevrakis.

“I’ll go if you want me out,” his words coming out precise and calm. The urge to want to cause him bodily harm was increasing. She didn’t know why he wouldn’t just admit to wanting to leave. She would understand, as painful as it would be, but if anyone could it would be her. The Court life was not an easy one and certainly not for everyone.

“Olivia-,” he started again but she couldn’t deny how much it hurt to hear the pain in his voice.

She forced herself to look at him and to her surprise, she noticed his wet eyes. “Are you...crying?,” she couldn’t help it. Because Drake Walker, as long as she could remember, did not cry. It was as if he was created and tears were simply left out. One thing she always envied him of. He looked at her, visibly annoyed, and shook his head. She eyed him suspiciously. “You can tell me you know,” as if witnessing him shed tears would be the biggest secret of the century.

“I’m not crying. You know I don’t cry,” he said in a harsh tone. She gave him a curt nod and said nothing. For awhile they sat in an awkward but an oddly peaceful silence. It inadvertently gave her the opportunity to calm down, to reflect on the things she said while upset. That feeling was back in the pit of her stomach making her feel a bit nauseous. She hated it. Or maybe she just needed to something to settle her stomach. It had been a long day. She woke up that morning with a full schedule but that was all thrown out the window when Amanda had notified her about their dogs staying the weekend. She hadn’t really minded and she planned to have some fun with Drake but somewhere along the way her plans were thwarted. Now here they were forced to confront an issue that had been gnawing at her for some time.

“Olivia?”

“Yes,” she answered softly.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” his tone light and hesitant. She looked back at him before moving her gaze elsewhere, anywhere but him. She let out a sigh, trying to remain in the peaceful state she was currently in. Or trying to be in.

“Drake, I don’t want you to move out but if you’re unhappy here I’m not going to-,” her words are cut off when he suddenly reaches over and pulls her into an urgent kiss. And just like that her worries seem to dissipate as his lips brush over hers in an attentive manner. He pulls back and lightly rests his forehead on hers.

“You are my home ‘Liv and I’m happy as long as I’m with you,” he whispered. Her reputation as a member of the court was not a quiet one, far from it actually, but this man seemed to know what to say to leave her without words. Olivia still was unsure if it was a good thing.

She cleared her throat, trying not to show how much his words affected her. “But...the dogs. You said you...” she hesitated a moment. It seemed foolish to keep dragging this out when obviously they were making up. But she had to get it out in the open. Living a life without him would hurt but not as much as having him stay here, unhappy. She knew all too well what that was like and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Especially Drake.

She pressed on, “You said you uprooted your life to be with me.” Olivia forced herself to focus on him this time. He froze at her words and broke eye contact with her.

“I uprooted my life for something...different. This,” he motions to the room, “all this is still taking some time to getting used to. Sometimes…,” he pauses for a moment and reaches over for her hand, “it doesn’t feel real.” Olivia doesn’t say anything as she listens attentively. “All my life I was in the background and I thrived in that position. I was okay with being labeled as Liam’s charity project, a way for him to connect with the citizens by having a best friend who didn’t have a royal bone in his body.” She gives him a weak smile knowing exactly what he was referring to. “But now…,” Olivia gives his hand a gentle squeeze as if it gave him strength to go on, “I’m not in the background. Everything I do is scrutinized! What I wear, where I live, what I read..’Liv, I can’t even read The New York Times without some damned local paper calling me a traitor to Cordonia!?”

Olivia knew he was pouring out the frustrations he’s had bottled up for awhile but she couldn’t help it. She laughed. And not just a ha-ha. No. It came out more like HAHA with a snort. She laughed so much that Drake shot her a scowl before removing his hand from her grip. “No! I’m sorry!,” she cried as she tried to reach for his hand again but failed. Drake’s arms were folded tightly against his chest as he sat there, stone faced, while she let out the last of her giggles. “Walkerrr,” she taunted before it finally subsided. He didn’t acknowledge her and refused to look her way. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me to laugh like that when all you wanted to do was complain about your life.” She knew how to get a reaction out of him because as soon as she accused him of being a whiner, he turned to face her.

“Complain!?-,” he said in an offended voice before she pounced on him.

“Walker, you just cried to me about not being able to read a newspaper!,” she said as she moved to straddle him.

“One, I was not crying,” he said with a frown still on his face but a touch of humor to his tone. She arched an eyebrow at his words, still unsure ,because she could swear on her life that there was a dried tear streak on his cheek. “Two, The New York Times is not just a newspaper. Shows how much you know about anything,” this time a small smile had appeared on his lips as he rested his hands on her hips.

“Can I tell you something?,” she asked as she looked down at him. He nodded his head in reply as she reaches down to move his hair out of his eyes before moving her hand to his cheek, the feeling of his light stubble always made him more real for her. “You’re not the first to feel this way. This life can be a bit much,” her hands move to rest on his chest, “but it helps to have a good support system. How do you think Liam made it all this time? He had Leo and despite his father’s misguided actions, Liam had him as well. Even Maxwell and Bertrand had each other.”

“Who did you have?,” he asked suddenly. His hands moved to cover hers and he could see a small hint of sorrow in her eyes. She gave a nervous chuckle, averting her gaze from his dark brown eyes not wanting him to see just how broken she was. He reaches up and moves her chin to face him.

“You have me now ‘Liv,” he said tenderly, “and I have you,” he added as his thumb caressed her cheek.

She looks up to the ceiling praying for gravity to do its job and her inner eye sockets would somehow swallow up the tears threatening to spill. “Now who’s crying?,” he teased. She swatted his arm before standing to her feet allowing Drake to stand as well.

“I should’ve told you about the dogs ‘Liv. You’re right and--,”

“Oh my--..the dogs!?,” Olivia’s eyes widen with terror as she rushes out of the study door with Drake right on her heels.

He follows her to their bedroom and Olivia barges into the over-sized room.

The scene before him couldn’t have been more perfect, Drake thought with amusement. Somehow Duke and Sir-Barks-Alot were covered in mud and were given a free pass in his shared bedroom with Olivia. The bed itself was covered in mud with pillows shredded to pieces. Feathers were still falling from the ceiling. Clothes lay torn to pieces on the floor as if they had a tug of war battle with them. Drake noticed several pairs of Olivia’s favorite shoes covered with drool and chewed up. The dogs lazily sprawled out on their bed signaling their work was done.

“What were you thinking?,” Drake asked trying to stifle the laugh that came to him.

“I was trying to teach you a lesson about trying to-,” just then Duke thought it was the perfect moment to shake off any remaining specks of mud on his coat, causing Olivia to shriek in horror. Drake’s laugh is heard throughout the room as he moves behind her to shield himself from the mess.

“Stop! Sit! Don’t!,” she yells out but her commands fall on deaf ears as the Bernese Mountain dog lets out a yawn and falls back onto the bed, unbothered. Suddenly she feels Drake’s arms grab her waist from behind before settling his chin in the crane of her neck.

“You have a way with dogs you know that?”

She elbows him in his stomach and he lets out a stifled groan in response and she feels his grip tighten. Good, she thought to herself allowing herself a small victory. Maybe, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to have a dog around the place, she reflected. They wouldn’t be allowed in their bedroom of course. This was an exception.

“Damn,” she heard Drake whisper breaking her out of her thoughts. He motioned his head to a fresh pile of brown swirls on the floor that looked an awful lot like—-  

“Nope. I absolutely refuse to touch that!,” her eyes bulge at the sight of the unwelcomed gift left on their bedroom floor. She breaks out of his hold as she leaves the room hollering for the butler or maid.

“Way to go boys,” Drake tells the two dogs still laying in bed. He smiles to himself as Olivia’s panicked voice about the smell of their bedroom fill his ears.

This is home.

Wherever Olivia would be...