#went to go check publication dates on wikipedia and apparently doing it this way will also be exactly the order they were published in lmao

[kiwimetry]

I do love that in Rhíminee Alec was introduced around as Alec í Gareth, but in Aurënen he's always introducec as Alec í Amasa. And also doesn't make a secret, as far as I can tell, of the fact that his mom was the one who was Hâzadriëlfaie. All of which is to say, do you think the Urgazhi ever gossiped about what his parenting situation was?

[hiddles-evans-hallucinations]

How Did We Get Here? - 5

Summary: The pictures of (Y/N) and Chris keeps on getting out in the media for the public eyes. The fans are going crazy, but as they tried their best to hide it and keep their relationship to themselves, their feelings to flaunt each other is bigger.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Famous Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: AGE GAP 

Note: a sucker for a fluff and fanfics or imagine that makes me UWUUUUUU so imma push myself to write and smiling like an idiot the whole time for the last chapter!!! // Also using celebs paparazzi shoot’s pics bc it kinds of matches with the mood I’m going for. And for the last chapter I’m using dakota and jamie cause they’re really cute on and off set. HOPE YOU LIKE IT. 

*gifs and pics are not mine*

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 

Chris and I had to fly separately to Italy for the premiere, I was there first as I was talking to Judd when I heard a loud scream from the fans. I look to my left and found Chris smiling (gif), escorted by two men in black suits. 

My face lights up when I see him, but apparently it looks like he already saw me first before I did. 

He looks so good. 

Chris waves to the screaming girls as he approaches me and swing me around. “Hi, handsome.” I whisper. 

He pulls away and take a look at me. I was wearing a black dress. Chris bites his lower lip as he checks me out. I pull out my tongue and scrunch my nose at him making him laugh. “So beautiful.” he said with a hand on his chest. 

“Don’t cry now.” I pat his shoulder making him laugh again. 

The fans were screaming as we talk to each to each other. “KISS!” one shouted and followed by another loud screaming from them. Chris and I laughed as we hug each other one more time. 

The premiere was like usual, we spend time sometimes together for a quick interview sometimes we do it alone. I spend most of the time talking to people, taking pictures with fr I was so tired and my feet hurts that when everything and everyone seems to forget about me and I’m glad, I ask Pammy to take me to the SUV in the parking lot to chill. 

The driver turn the AC on and leave me alone as I texted Chris. 

(Y/N): ‘I’m probably gonna go before you, my feet hurts so bad.’ 

As I lay my head back and put my phone on my stomach, just when I was about to shut my eyes, the door was open. “There you are.” Chris said as I smile tiredly at him. 

“I just texted you,” 

Chris pulls his phone out of his pocket. “You did, baby?” he checks his phone and nodded. “Oh yeah, you did. 

“How did you know I’m here?” 

“Pammy told me.” 

I nodded my head. “Right, she loves you that much, she’d spoil where I am hiding to you right away.” 

“Were you hiding from me?” 

I shook my head smiling goofily. “No.” 

He jumps into the seat next to me after calling the driver. 

I stay quiet  the whole ride, I didn’t even know where we’re going, we did make plans that we would stay together on tour since we didn’t have any other movies to shoot currently. Pammy told me that tomorrow or in 1.5-hous is Chris’ birthday, I have his presents in my suitcase just before I flew here. I had to double check to Wikipedia to make sure Pammy isn’t fucking with me. 

“Hey, did you booked the hotel already?” 

Chris turns to me, his eyes are tired, “Of course, booked it two-weeks ago.” I look at him surprised. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I wanted to spend my birthday with you.” 

I raise my brow at him with a smirk. “Oh... so you’re telling me tomorrow’s your birthday?” Chris smiles, amused. He slides his arms around my waist shifting me closer to him, I shyly place my head on his shoulder as he puts another arm on my stomach and rest his chin on my head. 

“Do I get a special treatment for my birthday?”

I chuckle. 

“Special treatment? You wish.” I huff. 

When we arrived, there’s no paparazzi, Chris let himself out first, and as I was putting my heels back on, Chris opens the door for me. I smiled at him, puckering my lips as he leans forward to kiss me quick. 

He grabs my heels and carry it for me. I just can’t stop looking at him and think of how lucky I am to have him. Chris is hands down the most kind and caring person I have ever met in my life and now me being with him, I just feel more and more lucky every day. 

“I need to go to the bathroom first, give me the spare key.” 

I was thinking if Chris went up first I can ask for a cake for him upstairs. But, of course, “No, baby, I’ll wait for you.” I can’t help but smile.

I look around if I can have the front office guy look at me. As the guy, take a glance at me, I gesture him to follow me. Chris was looking at his phone, so for now, I’m safe to make a plan. 

“Can I help you Miss?” 

“Could you please send a slice of cake to our room at 11:58 on the clock?” 

He looks back to Chris then to me. “Right, what kind do you want?” 

“What do you have?” 

“We have the cheesecake, red velvet, classic chocolate-” 

“Classic chocolate it is.” I said to him with a smile. “Thank you. And I need one candle, and also please don’t knock, at 11:58 I’ll be right out.” 

He smiles back at me as I make my way to Chris whose eyes wanders around the interior design with its historical pictures on the wall. 

We walk into our room with him still carrying my heels. I didn’t let go of his hand until he has to open the door. I’ve never felt like this before and it’s weird, I never dated guys who were older than me until Chris, but with him, my heart race like I’ve never been before and I feel safe and I never felt like this dating guys my age. 

I look at my phone it’s 15-minutes until his birthday, Chris took off his jacket and say, “I’m gonna go shower.” I nodded my head. “I’ll do it in the morning, I’m too tired.��� He smiles and kiss my head. 

Every time he kisses me, or even just a peck on my forehead, it sends electricity through my veins. 

I take off my dress, grabbing one of his white t-shirt and put it on as I remove my makeup while he was in the shower. I check my phone once again, 5-minutes. 

Chris walk out wearing the bathrobe and threw himself to be, opening his arms wide for me as I jump next to him making him chuckle. 

I keep on counting the minute. 

“I’m gonna get a drink, do you want some?” 

“That’d be great, thank you, baby.” I peck him on the lips and make my way out to the door. 

The guy from the front office stood there with a slice of chocolate cake with the candle in it. I specifically ask for one candle, ha, because of course, who likes it when your candle drizzles down to your cake? Nobody. 

He lit it up for me as I walk slowly to the bed and sing, “Happy birthday to you..” 

He looks at me with the cutest reaction (gif). 

“Happy birthday dear Chris... Happy birthday to you.” 

I stood there for a second, biting my lower lip nervously at him as he stood up. Kissing me passionately before looking at the cake and back to me. “Make a wish.” I said. 

He shuts his eyes for a minute and blow the candle. 

“Thank you, (Y/N)..” 

“The surprise isn’t over yet!” I said handing him the cake and went to my suitcase to get his present. 

Chris placed the cake onto the table near us and open the present and pout in response of how cute it is. 

A matching sweater for him and Dodger, his got Dodger’s face on it and Dogder’s got Chris’ face. 

“Oh man... this is the cutest thing ever...” 

I look at him excitedly, I knew he’d like it because if my puppy’s still alive and someone give me those sweaters for my birthday, I would probably cry. 

“Thank you, I love it.” 

I kiss him once more. 

. . . . 

I took a shower when Chris was still asleep, and as I was having breakfast in the balcony looking at the view of Venice, I open Instagram and uploaded a picture of us together on set.

‘Happy birthday America’s ass @chrisevans there wouldn’t be Nala if Benji don’t exist. You are the reason many people smile today, including mine.’  

I smiled at the picture, it was the first time we had our kiss on set but many more off set. I put my phone and eat my breakfast with my feet up on the balcony wearing bathrobe and a towel wrapped around my head. 

A solid ten-minutes later, my phone didn’t stop buzzing from the notifications. I remember I turn off my notifications for Instagram. “What is going on..” I look it up and there was people tagging me in a photo by Chris. 

‘IS THAT @(Y/N/L/N)?!?!?!?! OMGGGGGGG!!!!’

‘Tell me that’s her and I’ll die happily’ 

‘Omg they’re spending his brithday together i can’t do it.’ 

‘ITS HEEEERRR!!!’ 

It’s a picture of me, right now. 

‘Buongiorno, Venice.’ 

I look back and find him leaning against the door looking at me. I blushed. 

“Good morning.” 

“Good morning, birthday boy.” 

Chris walks to me and kiss my cheeks. 

“You’re so sneaky.” 

He laughed, “You look so good baby, I can’t just do it!” he jokes making me laugh. 

“Shall we go for a date today?” he ask. 

I nodded. 

After we went for a brunch, we were standing outside of the restaurant looking at the view. Chris has his hand wrapped around my waist as we talk about how we’re going to work “us” out when our schedules are busy. 

“Well, you’re more famous than me so, I can make the time for you.” 

He pfft’ed me. “No, I’m not.” 

“Oh yes. I mean, aren’t we supposed to be ready if things doesn’t work out?” 

He stays silence.

“But, it sucks if I have to meet other people or see you with someone else and I have to adapt to someone new, I don’t think I want that anymore.” 

I nodded my head, I feel the same way, I know I might be younger than him but exchanging one man to another is never my style. I’m not saying I’m ready to get married but, it’s nice to just have one person for as long as you also want it. 

Meeting people constantly sucks, and I feel too comfortable with Chris that I know for sure I never felt anything like this before. 

“You’re right.” I said. 

Chris just looks at me and say, “Gosh, I love you.” 

My eyes widens in shock. 

“W-what?”

Chris’ face turns blue, even green and yellow looking at my reaction. “I’m sorry was that too soon?” 

I bit my lower lip, I am so nervous. 

We just stood there in silence, looking at other ways. I can feel tension between us in this silence, but I know I feel the same way. 

“Chris?” 

He turns to me. 

“I love you too.” 

His face lights up, the biggest smile I’ve seen. 

“You do?” 

I nodded my head as he grabs me by shirt closer to him and kisses me passionately. Deep and passionate, and we stay like that for as long as I wish it to be. 

And he said, it was easy to love me, but little did he know that it was easier to love him and it’s hard not to. 

I want time to stop ticking just for us. 

Articles about (Y/N) and Chris: 

‘Chris Evans and co star (Y/N/L/N) shares a passionate kiss in Italy!’  - X

‘It’s official! (Y/N/L/N) finally taking it to public with Chris Evans!’ - X

‘(Y/N/L/N) wishes Chris Evans on Instagram. The reason she smiles today!’ - X

‘Chris Evans take (Y/N/L/N) on  a romantic stroll in Italy holding hands.’  - X

. . . . .

@patzammit​ @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​

[cecilspeaks]

165 - Charlie

There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are written about on Wikipedia. Welcome to Night Vale.

Charles Rainier grew up in Becket, Massachusetts, nestled in the rolling small hills of the Berkshires. The fiery fall leaves, pristine winter snowfall, lush spring flowers and sparkling summer lakes belied the average life of young Charles. He went to school, passed his classes, he spent time with friends seeing popular movies and playing popular games. His family ate food together and generally got along. When he wanted to be alone, he went to a small pond, hidden in the woods, to fish. He studied sociology at Amherst College and graduated in the top 50 percent of his class. Nothing about his unremarkable upbringing indicated he would one day be standing in the middle of a desert, behind a roadblock, holding a rifle and a flashlight, and searching for fugitives from his own asylum.

Last month, a dozen inmates of the Night Vale Asylum escaped during a production of a play. As an attendee of that play, I would say that while the escape was clearly not part of the original draft of the script, it made for an exciting resolution. I mean, bout 30 minutes in Carlos and I were like, is there going to be a car chase or a shootout or something, I mean that play was bo-o-o-orring! And then suddenly, there was both! But the warden, Charles Rainier from Becket, Massachusetts, did not like the last minute edits to the plot, as he and the Sheriff’s Secret Police have yet to round up any of the inmates now on the run, somewhere in our vast desert. Night Vale citizens have expressed deep concerns about their safety. A scathing op-ed in yesterday’s Daily Journal by Leann Hart read: “Warden Rainier should never have been in charge of such an important institution. His unchecked irresponsibility will lead us all to be killed by psychopaths, who surely hide now inside our basements, our attics, our laundry hampers, perhaps inside our own pants pockets.” The editorial continued: “They wield knives, ropes, wrenches, candlesticks, or pipes. And when we least expect it, these crazed killers will leap out at us, screaming bout eating our faces or feeding us to rodents. Or whatever other evil actions those two very funny women are always describing on “My  Favorite Murrderrr”. Charles Rainier called Hart’s claims “neurotypical ableism”, saying that we become too biased from movies and TV shows that play up harmful tropes about mental illnesses. He added that none of the peoples inside were of immediate anger to any individual in Night Vale. The Night Vale chapter of the ACLU then responded, calling for in investigation into a public facility that would imprison people who had committed no criminal acts and were of no harm to society. Charles Rainier replied: “I said they wouldn’t hurt any individual. I didn’t say they were of no harm to society.”

But who were the people in the asylum? Carlos and I attended the production of the play “18713/NTSB”, partially to have a nice date night, just the two of us. But also because I was curious if I would see Amelia Anna Alfaro there. The air traffic controller has not been seen since 2012, after hearing voices from the missing flight, Delta 18713. There were rumors she was checked into the asylum. Other rumors, that she had gone off to find the missing plane, and other other rumors, that she was disappeared by a Vague yet Menacing Government Agency.

Amelia was not inside the asylum the night of the breakout. But Doug Biondi was there. He played the pilot of the missing plane in the play we saw. Doug was the impetus for this entire story, really, because it was Doug who, according to Sheriff Sam, had real information about the missing plane. Members of the National Transportation and Safety Board had also come to Night Vale to talk to Doug about what he knew, and Sheriff Sam obliged by sending those agents from Washington DC on an undercover investigation into the asylum. Yet, like Doug and the dozens of other inmates in that fearful place, they did not return.

According to to Doug Biondi’s journal, which Carlos and I found inside the asylum after the play, warden Charles Rainier developed a paradoxical logic for dealing with these inmates. He encouraged them to talk openly bout their feelings under the guise of healing them, but the more they expressed their thoughts and emotions, the more the warden used this information as proof of their insanity, and by extension, ineligibility for release. But as Doug elaborates, if inmates refused to talk, they were deemed uncooperative and of course, ineligible for release. Reading further into Doug’s journal, I realized it’s just like that novel, “Catch-22”, in that there’s a bunch of talk about airplanes. What stood out most to me, though, was the fact that every other inmate Doug mentions also talked about the missing Delta flight. Every single person in there either heard voices of the passengers, or had theories about what happened or were, in the case of NTSB agents, just open to find survivors of a missing plane. Doug railed against the collusion between the warden and the sheriff to imprison people simply because they knew something, anything, about flight 18713. “This is the last thing,” Doug wrote the day he escaped. “This nefarious conspiracy runs deep. Deeper than we can imagine. There are innocent people on a missing plane, and our government wants to destroy us for seeking the truth. Oh well. In other news, they fixed the TV in the rec room so I’m hoping to finally watch ‘Cheer’ on Netflix. Everyone says it’s super good.” Doug makes a compelling claim here, but he is wrong. About the conspiracy thing, not about “Cheer”, that show is super good.

So. Back in 2015, my devoted husband and devoted scientist Carlos, was heading a research project into a desert otherworld, a place very similar to our own. We spent almost a year apart while Carlos was in this alternate dimension performing experiments and drawing charts and pouring bubbling liquids back and forth between flasks. It was hard. We had only been dating a year when he left, but we kept in touch talking almost every day, sending each other text messages at night, like a kissy face emoji with a big red heart emoji. Or sometimes we sent racier messages, like [naughty voice] the safety goggles emoji with the police siren emoji and the first place ribbon emoji. Oh, sorry if that’s a little too graphic.

Anyway. Carlos made friends during his many months out of town, and so when he finally decided to return to Night Vale, some of those he met followed him. They came through a portal Carlos discovered in the Desert Otherworld: a one-sided door. It was difficult to find in a never-ending sandscape, but it is still there. And as Carlos said, once you know the way, you never forget it.

One of the people who came with Carlos through the portal in 2015 was Charles Rainier of Becket, Massachusetts. It was not easy for most of these new arrivals to find comfort or employment in Night Vale, but in just a few months, Charles had become friends with our new Sheriff and secured himself a job at the Night Vale Asylum. Few people looked deeply at the asylum, nor at Charles Rainier’s quick appointment as warden. Few people, in fact, looked closely at anything to do with mental disorders. It it almost as if we prefer not to see the mental illness at all. It is almost exactly like that. Well below the radar of public attention, Charles settled into his new position. And because there are no accounts of what went on in the asylum, and thus no stories of failure, it was inferred that he did a good job. But Carlos discovered something this week. In reading Doug Biondi’s journal, Doug makes passing mention of warden Rainier cautioning his inmates against listening to the voice of the pilot. The warden warns them that the pilot can control other beings with his mind. It is odd that the head of a mental health institution would patronize his patients with their own inner demons. Carlos at first thought the warden was manipulating the mental stability of his charges to stir up their fear and confusion in order to keep them there. We don’t know if the warden profited from retaining inmates or if he just felt an evil thrill from playing these games. But in Doug’s notes, the warden apparently said: “It is possible to escape the allure of the pilot. The power of his voice. Some have, but it is rare. And it is dangerous that you can hear him at all.”

Carlos remembered when he first met Charles Rainier, five years ago in the Desert Otherworld. Charles was so enthralled with Carlos’ stories of Night Vale. Charles Rainier could not wait to see this fantastic town and more importantly, to leave the terrible place in which he lived. He told Carlos that he escaped some – frightening people there. Charles Rainier said he had live in a commune for a couple of years. It began OK, they foraged and hunted their food, they helped each other and shared shelter inside the fuselage of an old plane. Everything was fine. They were alive, but soon the group became cult-like and aggressive, fashioning weapons and manufacturing enemies. The constant threat of violence toward other, towards themselves, shackled Charles’s every move. But he could not leave. Every time he tried, he heard a voice that called him back. So he trained himself to block out the voices. It took him weeks of determined practice, but finally he broke free. Carlos said to me: “Cecil, sweetie, my hypothesis is Charles Rainier was flying home from Detroit to Albany on June 15, 2012.” And I said: “What are you saying, honey-pop?” And Carlos said: “Babe, his plane blipped out of the sky and into the Desert Otherworld.” And I said: “Are you saying, kitty-cake, that Charles ws a passenger on Delta 18713?” But then Carlos aid: “You know, little piggy-pie, all this work talk is exhausting. Let’s have a glass of wine, sit out on the deck, and enjoy the nice weather.

[“Breathe” by Tanja Daub http://tanjadaub.bandcamp.com]

Listeners. I called Charlies Reinier, and I told him what Carlos and I talked about, and he confirmed what we discovered. He was indeed a passenger on 18713. They landed roughly but safely in the Desert Otherworld in June 2012. They ate their few food items and drank their water stores in two days. And soon they began spreading out to find civilization. But the desert was vast and seemingly uninhabited. They were too afraid to venture far from the plane, the only symbol of recognizable society. The pilot lead expeditions to find plant life and sources of water. He exuded calmness and clarity, and the passengers followed his example, occasionally finding peace in this unpleasant and frightening desert. Within a few months, they had developed a rhythm. They were finding food to eat, water to drink, the pilot seemed to know exactly where to hunt, exactly what to say, exactly how to behave.

Every passenger fell in line. They all had jobs to do, roles to fill, in this little commune. The fuselage kept them sheltered from the searing white days and the icy black nights. Sometimes they sang together, walked together, taught each other how to sew, how to cook, how to make tools. The passengers’ fear became comradery, which became unity, which became family. Which eventually became religiosity.

One day they were making salves from cacti, and the next they were crafting weapons. Charles hadn’t realized it at first, but every person on that plane could communicate telepathically. They could speak without talking – no, without learning. They were becoming a single organism separated into dozens of bodies. The loudest voice in their heads was the pilot. They had grown too complacent, and the pilot began to fill them once again with fear, fear of outsiders, of the rest of the world. They began to make barbaric expeditions hoping to find people or things to destroy. “I tried to escape,” Charles said to me. “I tried to escape over and over, but the voice was too strong. It was only when I thought about a little fishing hole down near Stockbridge that I would go to in summers by myself, to get away, to be alone.” Charles said he began to pantomime fishing, casting his imaginary lure on an imaginary line into and imaginary pond on hot desert sand. And when he did this, the voices quieted in his mind. He could free himself from the pilot’s voice, from the pilot’s control. I asked Charles why he and Sheriff Sam were locking away people just for knowing about the plane. He said: “Cecil, I locked up Doug Biondi before anyone else. He’s from that Otherworld, and he knows how to get back, and if he knows how to get back, he’ll join the 18713 and lead them into Night Vale.” Charles said he was protecting our little town from the threat of the passengers of Delta flight 18713. “If the pilot enlists Doug and gets into Night Vale, he’ll recruit who he can and destroy the rest.” “But why odes he communicate only through Doug? I-I mean why not Carlos or, or Dana Cardinal or Sheriff Sam themself? Why not recruit everyone who knows the way into Night Vale?” “I don’t know, Cecil,” Charles snapped back. “But I don’t will into existence by yapping about it either, so drop it!”

Listeners, Doug Biondi is about six foot tall. With an unsettlingly… long smile and dark nightmarish eyes. If you see him, contact the Sheriff’s office immediately. If you do not see Doug Biondi, then close your windows, hold your family close, and repeat a mantra that will clear your head of all outside thoughts.

Stay tuned next for a meditative oummmm. A single oummmmmm. For one full hour, uninterrupted by breath and commercial free.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

23:07 time traveler 30:32 pottery class

[louderthanbombsus]

Song notes for Chestnuts – Neil Sims.

Cold Chisel, Khe Sanh (1978): basically the Australian National anthem. Cold Chisel are absolutely one of Australia's best ever pub rock bands. Lyrically brilliant, with a proper alcoholic fighting frontman, wonderful guitarist from Alice Springs (desert - smack bang in the middle of Aus). I absolutely dismissed this band in my youth largely because this song has somehow been adopted as an anthem by Aussie bogans (footy playing meathead types). I cannot fathom why this song has become so anthemic. The lyrics are about a guy returning from the Vietnam war and wanting to get back to Hong Kong to shag Chinese whores! If you go to a pub, and it's choc full of bogans and this tune is played, they will, en masse, yell every word of this song in your face while spilling some of the world's worst beer down your front. It's a kind of bonding thing. Cold Chisel have many other very beautiful songs. Flame Trees is another that often gets mentioned. Check out their album 'East' if you like this kind of thing. 

Courtney Barnett, Avant Gardner (2015): Courtney is something of a superstar nowadays. This song comes off the album before she struck it big. Courtenay writes beautifully about life in Melbourne's suburbia. This is the most beautiful song ever written about having an asthma attack. The lyrics at the end "I'm not that good at breathing in" - fantastic. 

Saints, I'm stranded (1977): Punk was invented in Australia! This tune pre-dates the Sex-Pistols and appears to have evolved independently. Apparently these guys were shipped to the UKL as Punk was exploding and they didn͛t really like it, so they came back. The guitarist, Ed Keupper, continues to play throughout Australia. In the saints he used a PA for a guitar amp and his sound was based on extreme volume. I like that kind of thing. Anyway, another affirmation of Australian musical heritage. 

Black Cab, Heart's on Fire (2007): Melbourne band. We are super lucky to have some of the world's best radio stations in Melbourne - 3RRR and PBS - these funded entirely by subscriptions, and they command a much larger share of the listening audience than they should for their income. Uncensored, very left wing, catering to true music lovers (funny story - Sydney has these right wing shock jocks that basically control our politics through terrifying the public and politicians - same as everywhere. Some super wealthy conservative bastards heavily backed a similar thing in Melbourne and it went bust in a couple of years because we just all ignored them- yay!). Anyway - there is one particular radio show on a Friday afternoon with 'the ghost' who has been on radio for about a thousand years. Somehow, on many occasions, he has played tunes that have been absolutely perfect soundtracks for what I was doing at the time - really quite remarkable. I remember driving in my VW beetle back into Melbourne from some interstate place, and there's this part of the highway coming into town where you get this amazing view of Melbourne City. I was kinda feeling odd about being in Melbourne at the time, and the ghost played this tune at exactly the point where you this amazing view emerges from the highway and open fields. It shaped my feelings about Melbourne. Good tune, too. 

Warumpi-band, Black Fella, white fella (1985): Like every country that has been colonized by white people, there is a strong movement in Australia to recognize and respect our indigenous (aboriginal) cultural heritage. I strongly support our indigenous aspirations. This was one of the first tunes by an indigenous band that I can recall hitting the record charts. Bit of a classic. 

The Drones, How to see through fog (2013): Another Melbourne band - This is just one of the best summer tunes I know. I always think of being in a shabby apartment in the stinking heat with light curtains waving in the gentle breeze. This tune also has one of the best Lo-fi guitar solos I know. I've been playing guitar for a million years and I still can't harness whatever wildness Gareth Liddiard is channelling here - awesome stuff. Gareth is becoming a ͚figure͛ in the Australian arts scene now. He͛ ll get really big soon. 

Australian Crawl, Beautiful people (1980): Aussie Crawl were super popular in the early 80s though I never really got into them. Aussie Crawl always seemed to be playing as I was spewing into the sick bag at the back of the coach heading to school camp. Now every time I hear them I have to lie down. This band is also famous for having virtually unintelligible lyrics courtesy of James Reyne. 

Civil Civic, the Gift (2016) – this is one of three instrumentals I͛ve selected. The guys I played with in my first band in high school turned out to be some pretty amazing people. The drummer is just a remarkable character who is now a band manager (Boy & Bear, Airborne, Paper Kites etc) - one of the key figures in the music industry in Australia. At 12 years of age, the Keyboard player was the smartest guy I have ever met - still is. Now the head of a significant finance company. Our singer and bass payer, Ben, was the most creative person I have ever met - beautiful artist and writer, and a great muso. We would be taking a break, mid-set, and he would just pick up a guitar and do a solo show, singing passionately and beautifully - the chicks and the parents loved him. An absolute talent. He plays bass in this band which is comprised of two ex pat Melbournites; Aaron living in London and Ben in Barcelona, and ͞The Box͟ which is a drum machine and few other bits of kit with some flashing lights on the front. Ben is a super smart guy and the intricacy of the bass playing on this album reflects the massive size of his brain. I can't even comprehend some of the stuff he plays, let alone remember what the heck happens from one section to another throughout most of the songs. Anyway, big ups to Ben and Aaron - much luck. 

Bat Piss, Weatherboard man (2017): I like this recent tune from another Melbourne band. The lyrics cover a lot of ground. The weatherboard thing refers to his background and ambitions etc. But houses are also more expensive in Australia than anywhere else on the planet (except Hong Kong - true) so any lyrics mentioning some housing thing stirs the ire of the people. Anyway, I just like the tune. 

Grinderman, No pussy blues (2007): I bloody hate Nic Cave, but he͛s something of an Icon for emotionally challenged people. I like his side project with Grinderman more than any of his other stuff. This tune is kinda rockin, and has a sense of humour which is bloody rare for Nic. Nic has lived in England for most of his life now, but somehow we maintain him on the register of Australian artists. While we are on this issue, I'd like to apologise for Rupert Murdoch. 

Slim Dusty - Pub with no beer (1957): Slim Dusty has more gold and platinum records than any other Australian Artist. He was the first Aussie recording artist to have an international #1 with this song. Slim Dusty was also the first artist broadcast from space when astronauts played his rendition of Waltzing Matilda from Space Shuttle Columbia as it passed over Australia on its maiden flight in 1981 (Wikipedia - could be wildly incorrect). Everyone knew Slim and this song (and Khe Sanh) when I was growing up. Part of Australia's musical history to be sure. The other good news is that if you hate the song, it's over pretty quickly. 

Ball Park Music - Nihilist Party Anthem (2016): We, DJ Chestnuts, became acquainted with one another via the very awesome Maux, whom I met at the greatest conference I will ever attend in Corvallis, OR. Maux and have I kept in touch via facebook ever since and we've shared a few tunes. This is one I sent to Maux some time ago and I think she liked it. These guys are from Brisbane. They͛re all music Nerds so you get a mix of some decent groove (like this track) and some overintellectualised slow stuff that I immediately ignore. 

Leader Cheetah - Bloodlines (2009): We have a national youth radio station called JJJ There's a running joke that it's run by 50 year olds, which I think is not that far from the truth. Still, some great shows and DJs. This station holds the Hottest 100, which is where people vote for the best songs of the year. They reckon it's the world's largest popular vote thing of its kind. They also have an 'Unearthed" thing which gives new bands a chance to play their stuff on radio, and I think this is where I heard this song first. These guys are from Adelaide, which along with Canberra (Australia's capital), is the butt of more Australian city jokes than any other. People who don͛t live in Adelaide hate the place. I kinda like it – many beautiful women riding bicycles and excellent Indian food is my main impression – it͛s like the Indian Amsterdam of Australia without the canals. Anyway, apparently Leader Cheetah have toured with Interpol, Dinosaur Jr. and Elbow. They've been pretty quiet lately and I've got no idea what they're up to. This song struck me with the very beautiful chorus and lyrics - totally channelling Neil Young here. 

C.W.Stoneking - Get on the floor (2015): This is the music they should have played in The Heart of Darkness, and I imagine a big white wooden boat going up a slow river on a still hot day, heading towards a raunchy drugged-up pagan festival of some kind every time I hear it. CW was born in Katherine, which is absolutely in the middle of bloody nowhere (NT, Australia). I think he only has one set of clothes, which is an impeccable white suit and shoes with spats. He records in a very beautiful and old fashioned way as far as I understand, which is to basically place a microphone in a room and play! They move instruments back and forth to get the mix right. Fantastic stuff. 

The Bamboos - Eel Oil (2006): The Bamboos are the elder statesmen of Aussie funk. They command a heap of respect in the industry and they get all the cool guest artists. The outfit is basically led by their guitarist, and when you see them live you get the impression that all the other (very capable) musos are in awe of this guy and playing to his beat. Very cool guy. I like some of their darker tunes, and you needed a couple of instrumentals, so here's another one. 

The Bee Gees - You should be dancing (1979): Believe it or not these guys are somewhat Australian. We like to own anything that once visited our shores and has since done well. Russel Crowe (NZ), Crowded House (NZ), Mel Gibson (USA), AC/DC (England/Scotland) etc etc... I think these guys parents moved to Australia at the dawn of time for about 6 months and so now we own them. I hear that sometimes you like to dance, DJ Chestnuts, and dancing is Disco! I wish I could rock skin tight white flares, high heels and a shirt tucked in so tight you couldn't get a cigarette paper into the inherently low friction gap between nylon shirt and gaberdine trouser if you tried. Alas I am too fat. 

Gold Class - life as a gun (2016): Good Melbourne fellas, essentially the embodiment of modern Joy Division. I dig this tune. They launched this album late last year and it sold out on vinyl in about a second. There's a couple of other goodies on the album too. 

Fractures - Low Cast (2017): Melbourne band. Don͛t know much about these guys but I dig the layered harmonies and smooth feel of this tune. A newey and a mellow goodie. 

AC/DC - Have a drink on me (1980): What would an Aussie playlist be without AC/DC, who have graciously accepted being considered Australian despite not having resided in Australia for many many years. This is from the Back in Black album, which was a tribute album to Bon Scott, their first singer who died choking on his own spew. That is so cool. It͛s the only AC/DC album that I really got my teeth into, and it was the soundtrack to a phase in my life where my buddies were getting their first cars, beer (we can drink at 18), some very dodgy parties, and experimentation. I listened to this a lot on cassette in my old mans car. I didn't know which song to pick from this album, but I support the inclusion of alcohol in all facets of life so this one jumped out at me. These guys are basically on their last legs these days, but luckily they have an almost direct replacement in the form of Airborne, who are much more famous in Europe than they are in Australia, and who happen to be managed by one of the guys I played in that band with: Greg, the drummer. 

Rocket Science - Burn in Hell (2000): THIS is the kind of music I like to wake up to - fast, groovy, and reminding you that you are damned either way. Fucking inspirational. There's a fantastic line in an LCD Sound System song about 'your favourite music helps you sleep'. To me, that is the wrong way to use music, and it signals a deficiency in the human organism for which this is true. We should pity people like that. Another Melbourne band. 

Peter Sculthorpe - String Quartet # 14 (1998): Peter Sculthorpe died recently, and was probably amongst the most famous residents of Canberra (our Nation's capital), along with Jackie Chan (no shit). I like this kind of whacko classical gear - it conjures up all kinds of landscape features, which helps me sleep. People who don't have music to sleep to should be pitied. 

Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - Julie's Place (2017): Greater Melbourne is split in two by the Yarra River and there's a saying that "you're either on one side of the river or the other". The southern suburbs are salubrious and expensive. Things are green and tidy and everything is organised by accountants and lawyers and school mums in black Range Rovers. North of the river is where there are still lots of live music venues, young creative people and nobody ever cleans their front yard. The film clip to this song ("A time to mow") is pretty funny and nicely encapsulates a typical home situation in Melbourne's North. The tune itself is one of the best implementations of excellent song craft over the "we have no musical skills and made this song up in 7 minutes" sound. I dig it (and so does Maux if I recall correctly). 

Eddy Current Suppression Ring - Which way to go (2008): These guys are described as Punk. A good (Melbourne!) guitar band. They basically started from a jam at the record pressing plant where they worked, with vocals improvised over the top. Good riff. Good lyrics. Good clip - what's not to love. 

A.B.Original - January 26 (2016): January 26 is "Australia Day" and we get a public holiday for it. Nobody actually knows specifically why Jan 26th is the holiday. I could probably google it, I guess. But nobody knows. It is being increasingly seen as a celebration of European invasion, and many people are even calling it Invasion day. This song says a lot about how indigenous people feel about Australia Day. These guys recently won an Australian Recording Industry Award (ARIA) for their album, "Reclaim Australia", which, just like it says on the box, is full of protest. This song caused a bit of drama in the press - it rated top 20 in the Hottest 100 but the Murdoch press had a field day and said something like ͞song denouncing Australian values wins award͟ - surprise surprise. I'd like to apologise for Rupert Mordoch again. 

Science Fiction - Divinyls (1983): I never really got into this band, but I like this song's cool groove and flowy bass runs. Their singer, Chrissie Amphlet was an icon for many young Australian women. She had this really sexy look and she shoved it in your face. Great voice, too. Not sure how well known this song is outside of Australia. 

Good boy - Poverty line (2016): another of my morning music favourites and another JJJ Unearthed find. These guys are from Brisbane, which is in Queensland in Australia͛s north east. Queensland is affectionately known as the 'deep north', in reference to the US Deep South, as it is chock full of mosquitos, terrible beer, and all of the very worst of our politicians (Tasmania, that shitty island just off the bottom of the mainland runs a bloody close second for political retards). Only real estate agents and corporate criminals wear closed-toe shoes in Queensland, which makes it easy to spot the remainder in their board shorts and thongs (which is the correct name for 'flip-flops'). 

 Something for Kate - Captain (million miles an hour)(1997): Something for Kate are one of those bands that everyone in Australia and especially the music industry knows and greatly admires, but have never really broken it huge. These guys are another Melbourne band, and somehow I manage to see their singer, Paul Dempsey, all over the place around town - supermarket, laundromat, Chinatown. My brother had the same thing (”Did you see Paul Dempsey again today?””Yeah, WTF?”) and so we think that maybe he is stalking us. That's cool - being stalked is a like a compliment from an introvert. This song is an oldie. There's been many excellent Something for Kate newies, but I just love this one. I dig the straight ahead guitar and bass working together, and the lyrics send me to some dreamy place when I was very young. 

[alans-notes]

Código secreto

The short version

I really wanted to get the Spanish version of Codenames.

Amazon.com.mx doesn’t deliver to the U.S., so I needed someone in Mexico to get the delivery for me.

Finding a person was hard, but my friend who was going to Cancun said he could do it.

The timing of where he was staying, the public holidays in Mexico, and Amazon’s delivery times made it so that I had a huge time pressure.

I had several other issues including misspelled addresses (”cereza” misspelled as “cerveza”) and declined credit cards.

The order went through with less than an hour to spare!

The long version

[The following events took place between March 5 and March 18. The end of winter quarter for us was on Friday, March 17. All prices are in USD.]

While reading the Wikipedia article for Codenames (the board game) (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codenames_(board_game)), I discovered that the game has been published in 25 languages. I immediately thought that getting a copy of the Spanish version (called “Código secreto") would help me practice my Spanish.

Trying to buy the product myself

The product was not available on Amazon.com, but I did find it on Amazon.com.mx (Mexico) and Amazon.es (Spain). On both websites, I added the game to my cart ("carrito" in Mexico, "cesta" in Spain) and went to checkout. However, I ran into a different problem with each site.

In Amazon Mexico, I entered my Chicago address onto the Amazon Mexico site, and it told me they did not ship to that region. (”"Lo sentimos, este artículo no se puede enviar a la dirección seleccionada.")

For Amazon Spain, shipping to the U.S. cost more than the actual game itself!

So I spent some time searching other online board game stores in Latin American countries. Again, the ones that shipped to the U.S. were all based in Spain and charged exorbitant shipping rates.

Trying to find someone to get the game for me

My next approach was to find someone going to Mexico. Spring break was coming up soon, so it shouldn’t be too hard, right? I asked the organizers of the weekly Spanish table. One said he was going to Mexico in July. The other said he knew someone who might be going in April. Hmm... was there any way to find someone over break?

I asked a third friend from Spanish table. He is a public policy student, and public policy students are very well-traveled and cosmopolitan, right? Yes! It turns out he has three friends all going to Mexico over spring break. He would check with them and get back to me. Unfortunately, all of his friends had other trips planned after going to Mexico. (Too cosmopolitan, it seems!) So they couldn’t bring the game back for me.

Next, I ran into SC at the math department one day, who told me he was leaving for Costa Rica the next day. He told me that he could bring the game for me if I could get it delivered to him, and that people in Costa Rica do get deliveries from Amazon. I spent some more time on Amazon.com.mx, but could not figure out how to deliver there...

FB’s vacation to Cancun!

At this point (Tuesday, March 14), I had given up hope that I would be able to get the game by the beginning of spring quarter. Then one of my officemates mentioned casually that our friend FB was leaving for Cancun the next day for spring break. 

Here was my last chance! I sent him an email and a Facebook message asking if he could help me. He responded a few hours later (probably when he arrived?) saying yes, he could help me. Yes! He told me he was staying in two different places, Address #1 from Wednesday to Friday, and Address #2 from Saturday to Monday.

No problem, I thought. Since it was now Wednesday (3/15) evening, it should be possible to deliver the game to Address #2 with plenty of time to spare. But the shipping options on Amazon.com.mx guaranteed the following delivery dates, if I ordered within the next 18 hours:

* 1-day shipping, to arrive Friday 3/17. 

* 2-day shipping, to arrive Tuesday 3/21.

What?? I checked and learned that 3/20/2017 was a national holiday, celebrating Benito Juárez’s birthday. 

Ughh... so I had to get it delivered to Address #1. FB told me he would stay at Address #1 until Friday. Would that be enough time? I wrote him another email asking him for the precise time he would leave Address #1. I went to bed.

He responded Thursday morning, saying he would leave Address #1 Saturday morning. I should be safe!

Last minute troubles: beer, cherry, credit cards

I proceeded to place the order on Amazon.com.mx. The form asked me for details of Address #1 including the “supermanzana,” literally “super-block” (not “super-apple”!). I searched the address on Google Maps for the address to find the info, but the address couldn’t be found! I tried again several times with no success. 

I wrote to FB again to see if there was a mistake in the address. (At this point, I had to ”order within the next 10 hours.”) Then I went on with my usual Thursday morning tasks (i.e., math).

FB responded around 3pm, apologizing for misspelling “cereza” (”cherry”) as “cerveza” (”beer”). Ah, a road named “cherry” makes more sense! (But in Cancun, a road named “beer” wouldn’t have surprised me!) I found the address and identified the supermanzana on Google Maps. 

I chose 1-day shipping and the order went through, 1.5 hours before the deadline! (Normally, 1-day shipping would be another $12, but I signed up for a free trial of Amazon.com.mx Prime, which lowered the cost to just $2.) The confirmation email said the package would be guaranteed to arrive on Friday. Phew!

But then 30 minutes later, I received an email saying “Tu pago ha sido declinado.” Panicking, I thought this meant “Your order has been declined.” What went wrong? Did they find it fishy that I was placing an order from the U.S.? I clicked around in the email and was led to a page asking me to enter a new credit card number. Ohh..., “pago” means “payment.” My credit card had been declined! That seemed reasonable.

I entered a different card, one in which my parents were the primary card holds and I was secondary. The order went through again, but I sat there worried that this one would get cancelled too. There was less than an hour before the Friday delivery deadline...

A few minutes later, I received a call from my mom. Apparently, she had received an email from the credit card company telling her about “suspicious activity” involving an order from Mexico. “That’s mine!” I said. “Tell them to accept it! And please do it quickly! I have less than an hour!” She did, and I received no more bad news from Amazon.

Tracking the shipment

Later that evening, Amazon notified me that the package had been shipped and gave me a tracking number. I refreshed the DHL page constantly the next day (Friday!), watching the package. It started off in Mexico City, during which the “estimated delivery date” was Tuesday 3/21 (what??) but that changed to Friday when the package arrived in Cancun and was out for delivery. I departed for Michigan for my spring break. When I arrived several hours later, I saw that the package too had arrived! I wake up the next morning (Saturday) to a message from FB that he had received the package. Whooooo!!

Well, I don’t have the package yet, so maybe it’s too early to celebrate. But what could go wrong now? Nothing, right?