#well the poor defeated Rainbow is just adorable

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Nightfall

The smiles and happiness used to pour out of you every waking moment as you sought greatness with morals in tact. Such a far sight from now, make up smudged, hair disheveled, your complexion not as healthy. Gotham had done a number on you and now with your resolve gone, your moral high ground annihilated, fate decided you were to face the rogue once again.

Scarecrow: "Look how far you've fallen." Jonathan had a faint smirk upon his face as he inspected you. "The one filled to the brim with sunshine and rainbows...has slipped through the fingers of Gotham's finest." Jonathan's smirk widened. "Let's get a look at you." He slowly walked towards you. "A cold day in a poor excuse of a functional jacket. Make up smeared. Hair practically glued to your face. Doe eyes not so bright. Complexion, sickly. Smile, nonexistent." Jonathan smiled. "Fear...oh my darling, the worst has already happened hasn't it?" Jonathan enjoyed it. "I only wish I could have seen your downfall, (Y/N). Fret not. You were pretty before but now? Now you're nothing short of beautiful." Jonathan leaned in and whispered into your ear. "I can't wait to see what you're capable of."

Two-Face: He knew you'd likely want to be left alone and the last thing you'd want or need is a taunting or any kind of conversation. Although he wasnt inclined to give you the luxury of silence. "Get in line, babe." Harv's voice rasped. "It happens to the best of us. I would know." Harvey said, not acknowledging his alters words. "No one really tells you what you have to change to survive." That didn't sit right with you. Change didn't describe any of this. Change didnt explain the emptiness within your very being. The feeling of defeat. That theres no light at the end of the tunnel. Only twists and turns and obstacles along the way. You didnt bite your tongue as you usually had. You spoke up as no one deserved the kindness of retraint. "Change? No. What you have to lose."

The riddler: He twirled his cane once for dramatic effect before the tip of it clanked hard against the concrete. He tipped his hat up to get a look at you in a thoroughly dramatic fashion. Then again that was the Riddler. He always did have an adoration for dramatics when he believed himself to he right. "You don't belong here. I told you that before. I told you this city would eat you up and spit you out...and you didn't listen." The Riddler spoke as he slowly approached. "You're a fool, (Y/N). I'm the one in this city who will tell you the truth, and had you believed me the first time, you wouldn't have learned the hard way." He sighed. "Though I can hardly blame you. You're hardly intelligent enough for that." He sighed. "Gotham is the monster of mankind. Filled with the greedy, the cheats, the liars, the disingenuous, and this city feeds on that light and purity you oh so graciously poured out. Now I see the supply has gone dry and I think you'll find my dear, you're just another cog in Gothams machine." The statement it's self was sad but given the Riddlers smug malicious smirk, the statement had turned cold.

Black Mask: If anyone got a kick from a downfall- it's Roman Sionis. Even behind his mask that glinted under the moon, his smug delight couldn't go unnoticed. "Look how far you've come." He said with a sultry tone. "Did the landing hurt, darling?" He took slow steps towards you. He often made small jabs, implying you were an angel who had come to Gotham. Too good. Too happy. Too hopeful. Too spirited. Now, he was implying a fall from grace. The angels wings were clipped. Now you were rock bottom like the rest of Gotham. Well...most of them. Roman can't say he relates to rock bottom. He wouldn't know the feeling. "Oh buck up. Atleast you're still alive, eh? For now, anyway."

Mad Hatter: He had always smiled politely and even happily to see you. It wasn't a common occurrence for anyone but Jervis. Yet, that didn't mean it wasn't out of place as much of Jervis's reactions typically were. When his cheery greeting was met with a cold empty stare, he seemed to know. Like he had been acquainted with that before. Perhaps he knew it better than most would have believed. "Oh, I see..." He said softly like he was saddened. Then you noticed it wasn't like being sad that adorned his face. It was sadness. Pure unadulterated sadness. "You know..." He smiled though looked pained. "...I thought of you as constant. That nothing could break you." His eyes glistened under the moonlight but you refused to believe if it could have been tears that they'd be genuine. "I was wrong, wasn't I little rabit?"

[sneakyscarab]

alrighty, ive now caught up from my backlog of touhous that ive beaten, so the pace from now on is gonna slow down since i need to beat the games first before i write about them. who knows though, if they take as long as this one did maybe i can keep up this pace :P

nina's thoughts on Touhou 12 - Undefined Fantastic Object

so funny story, after Subterranean Animism took me like two weeks to finish, i went into UFO expecting a similar result, but i ended up clearing within a single day. twelve (12) attempts of UFO and i had already got my 1cc! im a bit impressed with myself tbh, but i think i was helped by the gameplay changes in UFO that make it a bit easier.

for starters, real bombs are back baby! no more trading attack power for survivability, full power bombs are here again as a seperate resource. life pieces stick around, but now boss fights only give one out when you defeat their last phase. you would think this makes life pieces incredibly scarce, but theres another entirely new source for them: the titular Undefined Fantastic Objects. some enemies now drop little ufos that fly around the screen that come in one of three colours. when you pick up a ufo it goes into a small tracker in the corner, and when you collect 3 in a row all of one colour, or 1 of each, then a Big UFO spawns on screen. the UFO sticks around for about 10 seconds, slurping up every collectible that shows up onscreen. for each item it grabs, a meter around the ufo fills up and at max it drops an item depending on the colour, and when destroyed it drops another item plus everything it picked up. rainbow ufos drop more small ufos, green gives you a bomb on full meter and a bomb-piece on kill, red gives you a life piece on both, and blue does… something? i don't know. i never saw any items pop out of a blue ufo, and i prioritized blue ufos the least. i can only assume they do something relating to points since those are blue, but i honestly have no idea cause i beat the game before i had to go look anything up about it. once i figured out red guys gave you life i basically hard-focused proc'ing red ufos as much as possible, going for rainbow or green when red wasnt possible. as weird as the ufos are, i have to say their mechanics are conveyed surprisingly well without any real tutorials or even words, just really solid ui design.

the last new addition to the gameplay comes in the playable characters, Sanae is here now! wooo Sanae lets go! obviously Reimu and Marisa are here too, each of them get 2 weapon options so theres still only 6 total. i gave each one a shot, although some of them i literally only played once lol. Reimu has the standard homing shots and needles, Marisa has her illusion lasers but a new secondary weapon that shoots in sort of branching V-shapes, with a couple shots going behind her as well as in front, which i didnt find many uses for in my brief experience with it. illusion laser is the only one of these that i played more than once, as i put most of my focus into Sanae. both of Sanae's movesets are pretty neat, her first one was my weapon of choice for my 1cc attempt. based on Kanako, she shoots out snake beams that fly vertically, and then if they see an enemy to their left or right they take a 90 degree turn, making for an interesting type of homing. her other set, based on Suwako, shoots out frog beams in a wide fan angle, or straight ahead when focused, that explode into lingering AoE damage when they hit a target, which is great at clearing out huge swarms of enemies. i really like how her movesets sorta play off of Reimu's homing shots and Marisa's piercing lasers, but in very different ways compared to the two of them.

for the new characters, my favourite is probably Kogasa. this poor umbrella girl just wants to be scary, but shes inherently too silly-goofy and struggles to do what she as a youkai is Supposed to do. she's trying her best though, and looks adorable while doing it. i believe in you Kogasa!

i wasn't expecting to be a Ichirin & Unzan fan, but they surprised me. Ichirin is basically a stand user, a buddhist monk who controls her partner Unzan, a old man wind spirit with a powerful beard and even more powerful fists. the spell cards involving Unzan are great, seeing his huge angry face show up and throw hands is just hilarious. the best one by far though is their final attack, what i would call the absolute funniest spell card of the entire series so far: Thunderous Yell 「A Scolding from a Traditional Old Man」. if the name alone didn't convince you, the visuals are also hilarious, with two massive Unzan faces appearing on each side of the screen and shooting angry eye lasers at you. just look at it. perfection.

it's become a pattern in these posts that i talk about three new characters, but none of the others in UFO really stood out to me. if i had to pick one id go with Captain Murasa, just cause pirates are cool, but i don't have much more to say about her lol. sorry UFO crew!

anyways i think its about time to wrap this one up. thankfully i kept this one short so we dont have another SA essay situation lol. UFO is pretty fun, if a little bit Too easy with how much free stuff you can get from good ufo management. the story and characters really didn't stand out to me, and with how quickly i finished this one i don't expect it to really stick out much in my brain once i finish the series. if anything from UFO sticks it probably will just be Unzan's laser eyes. can we play that back one more time? thanks.

[percyjacksonfan3]

The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay​ to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought  and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! -  how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST -  Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

 If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

[sonicasura]

Balan Wonderworld Review: Favorite Costumes Part 2

Before we get started, I like to say something. I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE TIM TRAPS. If you don't know, there is a specific plant that tends to appear in certain levels called Tim Traps. A carnivorous orange flower that's favorite meal is TIMS. If you kick the plants, you can free your Trapped Tim or prevent one from getting trapped for a short period of time. Problem is if the Tim is trapped for too long, your baby is gone for good. Chapter 3 and Chapter 5's Act 3 are loaded with these annoying plants. To the point if I can't find the trapped Tims, I exit out of the game just to save my poor fluffballs. Ain't sacrificing my little birds for Drops and Trophies! Mini rant over.

Rules are the same as before. I'd be ranking both a Common Costume and Rare Costume. Common Costumes are easily to find whether it be in multiple levels and Rare Costumes are those that rarely appear or are difficult to get.

I'll be doing my favorite Secret Costume after playing all Act 3s for each chapter. Now let's begin.

Chapter 7

Common Costume- Floaty Flower

The Flower Fairy and greatest glider found in the main story. Floaty Flower is a costume that can be found in the Act 1, 2 and the Boss Act, it offers a slower descent but faster movement than the hover for Soaring Sheep.

I love this costume not for its aesthetic but a cute Easter Egg I found in Chapter 7 Act 1. On rare occasions, this costume is an NPC that actually flirts with you! Some NPCs in certain chapters act differently from their standard counterpart. They often try to disguise themselves or runaway. Catching them grants you a free costume of the one you caught.

Floaty Flower will appear and follow you, similar to a shy school girl with a crush. If you go to her, she will run which is a similar action to any shy person getting approached by their crush. Also... I think there is some lore hidden in this one that might be quite sad if it's directly linked to Cal, the human whose heart created this particular world. If so then... OOF.

Rare Costume - Paladin Puncher

A knight fights with his fists than a sword. This costume can be found in Act 2 and is a stronger version of the Pumpkin Puncher that can break iron or ice blocks. He's a bit slower than his Chapter 6 counterpart but perfect breaking the more blocks and defeating spiky enemies.

I also love the fact this costume goes against the traditional tools of a knight. Knights often fight using swords, shields, lances and rare occasions bows or axes. If you give me one who PUNCHES or straight uses martial arts to fight then you got my vote in seconds.

Chapter 8

Common Costume - Snow Fairy

Elegant dancer of ice and snow. The Snow Fairy costume allows the wearer to walk on air for a short period of time and can in found in Act 1 and Act 2. This costume does have a shorter usage time than Air Cat but makes up for it with the added elevation.

I absolutely adore how elegant and beautiful this particular costume is. You can compare the Snow Fairy to myths often related to fae or hidden in the freezing mountains. An otherworldly beauty that makes any hardship worth seeing just a being before your eyes. Being a reindeer type Faun just adds to the mystique and creating snowflakes to walk on is a perfect extra touch.

Rare Costume - Amadeus

Sophisticated pianist. A costume that can only be found in Act 1 and is a performing costume. Now I am a big fan of piano covers, whether it be covers of game osts or actual songs, there is rarely any piano music I don't like.

I love the fact he's wearing piano keys as a collar and even has a tutu made out of those very keys. A very creative take to a normally grounded instrument. And the big white wig is a nice touch since it's often portrayed with pianists in various media.

Chapter 9

Common Costume- Iron Panda

Adorable crusher. Iron Panda is a costume found in Act 1 and Act 2 with the ability to break iron blocks using both its jump and weight. This costume is surprisingly fast for a rather large and heavy form, perfect for fast stomps on enemies or quick getaways if you have rare costumes you don't want to lose.

This costume reminds of a rolling Russian Doll with a panda theme. Very adorable, the bluish purple color suits the white very nicely and I love that sleepy look on its face. The large blue dots on its sides are actually the arms too, they mimic panels! Only thing that unnerves me is when the costume turns their head by a 90 degree angle. Super creepy when using it.

Rare Costume- Merry Ghost

Cute and Spooky! The Merry Ghost is a costume that can be found in Act 2 and gives the ability to constantly float. It's main purpose is to avoid ground hazards like poison swamps and has a larger slightly floaty jump. The only downside is that you can't harm enemies with this, it's only for quick mobility.

Very adorable especially with the stitched rag cloak covering the body. It has this Mimikyu sort of vibe but also a Casper the Friendly Ghost aura too. Friendly spirits are often tossed aside for more vicious or antagonistic ones in a lot of media. Getting an adorable friendly one just adds points in my book and a good pal for Casper.

Chapter 10

Common Costume - Inky Blaster

Yuji Naka's take on a squid kid. This costume can be found in Act 1, Act 2 and the Boss Act. She allows the wearer to throw fast globs of rainbow paint at opponents or targets and is decently agile.

Love that her hands are paintbrushes and is based on the octopus. Tentacles mimicking the frills of a dress and used for hair and feet? A very creative take and splattering rainbow paint on the annoying types of Negati (looking at you ya divebomb happy Pelican and destroyer of most of my good costumes) is very therapeutic.

Rare Costume- Air Unicorn

The first unicorn I like?! This costume can only be found in Act 1 and allows the user to walk on air farther than Air Cat. The practical godfather of mobility, and recovery. You won't believe how many times this costume has gotten me to very difficult areas and saved me from death via falling into the abyss.

It is a very tricky costume to find but if you turn around, there's a large paintbrush on the wall. You need the Double Jumper to get on top but you'll be able to see a hidden mirror. That is where the Air Unicorn is located.

I won't lie that unicorns are not my preferred mythological creature. I live in America where unicorns tend to be oversaturated to oblivion and don't get me started on My Little Pony. The show isn't my cup of tea but I do have some followers and friends who are fans. People have their own opinions and it's rude to question them about it.

I honestly love the elegant but cute design, the purple, pale pink and cyan just fit well with the white, I also love that the mane mimics a paintbrush tip and the large light purple collar of fur is a perfect touch to this fine design.

Chapter 11

Common Costume - Bulldozer

A man's punny best friend! This costume can be in Act 1, Act 2 (?), and the Boss Act. It lets you push special construction blocks and you can boost the push speed by button mashing.

They definitely took a lot of creative for costumes in Chapter 11 amongst the other ones in my opinion. Fire Stations tend to have some animal companions with dogs being the most common but instead of a Dalmatian for the design they used a Bulldog! 😍

Like the aforementioned machine, this good boy is bulky, has the appropriate color scheme and even the hands turn into bulldozer's shovel when using the ability! I love the fact his tail is wagging when you push a block and it wags faster if ya button mash!

Also the name is a pun!

Rare Costume - Fiery Blaster

Pyromancer of Lions. The Fiery Blaster costume can only be found in Act 2. It gives the wearer that ability to throw large fireballs alongside fire and lava immunity. If you hate lava levels or have difficulty with this Chapter's boss then I recommend getting this Costume.

First thing I like to say about this particular design is how they use the colors. Looking at the mane, you can see how the red and darker red are patterned in a way to mimic flames. The dark red fur on the feet are even in fire like a pattern. The outfit such as the yellow and brownish kilt alongside the gloves spewing fire around the wrists just reminds me of a fire dancer.

I can see this fella wielding one of the torches a fire dancer uses and just put on a spectacular show.

Chapter 12

Another loveable version of a beloved icon. The Invisible Man costume can be found in Act 1, Act 2 and the Boss Act. It has the power to turn the wearer invisible for a period of time and become undetected to enemies that aren't bosses.

Agile and perfect to deal with enemies who are very annoying or are difficult snipers. You don't know how satisfying it is to give the more aggravating Negati an invisible middle finger by sneak attacking them. I have lost many costumes whenever enemies got the drop on me so it's fair to dish out payback.

I love how this design takes aspect from the popular icon but also have it relate to their human counterpart. Bandages were used by the original Invisible Man to cover skin his normal clothing couldn't cover in public and made it easier for him to disappear when needed.

The shoes and arms being covered in bandages and some of the bandages being used as bangs for the hair is a nice touch.

Rare Costume - Jolt Tiger

Immovable Taser. This costume can only be found in Act 2. It grants electricity immunity and create a barrier when you stand still. One of the better costumes for baiting particular enemies. You do have to be careful because a single itch will stop the barrier.

If you don't know, the Tiger is my Chinese Zodiac and electricity is one of my favorite elements. Love the yellow lightning bolt flairs and even the black stripes mimic lightning too! I also like the will o' wisp pattern on the stomach and the large tuft of grayish fur around the chest. The design puts it above the Sun Walker.

And that is it! The next thing I will cover is the level design and it's music. The bosses will be done last since it's good to save the best for last!

Until next time folks, see you back in Wonderworld.

[gildedmuse]

do you like any of the one piece manga colorspreads? if yes, which ones?

I typed up a very long response to this, but since I'm still getting use to my new phone I managed to accidentally close the window.

Here's a outline:

I only started the series a little over a year ago because all my siblings watched it and I wanted in on that sweet bonding time. I didn't even expect to like it honestly, though they changed fairly quickly. I have plans to read the manga, but I'm still working through the series (what I post on this blog is pretty much where I am in the show more or less.

Since I've never read the manga I have no fucking clue what these things are or if they have some kind of deeper meaning. I barely know what chapter or arc they're from.

I totally have favorites. Some of them have Zoro in them so obviously.

Strawhat Story Time

Honestly, this has to be canon, right? If it isn't it needs to be. I want Robin to take out a book and read the rest of the crew to sleep everytime they are stuck on an island for the night. Of course, I have no idea what she's reading since this is Nico Robin we're talking about; it could be an overly cutesy fairy tale adventure, a dry government approved text on the history of the Grand Line, or just a book of the most gruesome deaths ever recorded (I hope she switches it up every Island or so) but I'd like to think which ever of the possible options Brook always accompanies here with an appropriate backing sound track.

Meanwhile you have Usopp and Chopper looking totally enrapt. Which makes sense. Usopp, of course, loves a good story. I know he's an amazing marksman and all, but part of me still wishes his role on the ship was the chronicler of their adventures or maybe just storyteller. And baby brother Chopper is still innocent enough to fill with wonder as the events unfold, worried the scary looking big dog and kitty cat will never get along and be friends like he so wants.

Then there is Nami, just content to listen while Robin does her thing. Honestly, she's probably just happen no one is actively trying to kill them at the moment. Plus they're camping which saves money so, yeah, she happy.

Neither Sanji nor Franky will be able to tell you what the story is about after she finishes. Sanji because apparently being read to like a child is a big turn on for him. Franky because, well, poor guy is already half asleep. His eyes are open but only just. It gives off big team mom and dad vibes. Franky probably spent his day fixing the ship, watching and playing with the three youngest brothers, keeping the older two from killing each other, and helping Nami as needed. Dude is exhausted, but he's trying to stay up and enjoy this little family moment.

Unlike Luffy and Zoro who are both dead asleep. Neither of them seem like big bedtime story guys. Luffy passes out instantly anyway and is really only interesting in stories if they can tell him something fun to do. Zoro doesn't even care about that. Stories are either are up in which case why bother or they've already happened I'm which case who cares?

Knights Of The Sunny's Dinner Table

A lot of these I like just got the weird AU settings. Like medieval king Luffy surrounded by his knights (plus whatever Nami is suppose to be.) A few observations:

- Usopp'd knight outfit makes him look sort of like Hercules'n and is perfect.

- Brook has a lute why not just make him the bard! Full metal plate armour is heavy. Brook doesn't have the muscle for that. he doesn't have muscles at all (yohohoho!)

- Chopper is fucking adorable

-. Zoro is obviously Luffy s personal knight and protector. Fight me on it. Love how his jolly roger is on his armour. I assume that means that even back then he fought three sword style.

Zoro Is ON A Cat

I just like this one okay? First, shout out to Usopp who looks completely balling. Second, did Zoro defeat a giant panther in a fightnjust so he could ride around on it? I think we all know he did.

That's like the first time I've seen him wear his bandana like that. I approve.

Rainbows And Rock N Roll

Hey, you guys remember that time the Strawhat started a band? No? Oh, right, that's because all recordings of them were destroyed for public safety reasons.

It makes so much sense to stick Luffy with symbols. Like yeah, of course he'd be in the band but how many instruments would you trust him with, really? Where as Usopp seems smart enough that he could easily learn guitar.

Zoro as the drummer also makes perfect sense. He gets to hit things real heard and he's like a steady presence on the crew. The only problem with this drawing? Why no third drumstick in his mouth. Do you coward. You should have gone three stick style.

Also I'd be all about a modern AU where these idiots start a band. And the only bar that will have them just happens to be the one a young medical student visits. He absolutely hates their music, it's loud and annoying and they don't seem to practice or even have a plan, they just get up on stage and chaos ensues. And people absolutely love them. He doesn't understand and yet.... He keeps coming back, every Friday like clockwork.

If nothing else the obnoxious boy with the symbols whose role seems to be bouncing around stage, hanging them together whenever he feels, rallying the crowd and random back up vocals has some amazing sexual chemistry with the silent drummer guy in the back, the one to rocking green hair probably because he thinks it makes him look punk. Like.... It's almost frustrating when he hears girls swooning over them because come on. That can't all just be an act, right? What if they haven't realized it yet? What if they're just that unaware. Law would be more than happy to fill them in provided they thank him with a place in ghei- oh God how much has he had to drink tonight? Fuck he hates The Strawhat Pirates. It's not even a good band name!

ETA: New phone problem. It posted before I was done. I guess I'll do the other seven in a separate post.

[rvmmm21]

. scent .

summary : sheltered omega wendy doesn’t heed the warnings she gets about wandering into secluded parts of the woods. so naturally, when alpha joy - who’s sitting out her rut in the exact same location - sniffs her out, she doesn’t stand a chance.

requested : yep, by rvmmm21 to rvmmm21.

[alpha(g!p)joy x omega!wendy]

tw : dubcon, overstimulation.

(my first proper a/b/o! good practice, i guess but idk why i decided to go down such a weirdly hard route when i could’ve just made them soft but uh. also it feels weird to write g!p as top? if you know what i mean? i like writing my g!p characters as bottoms or submissive... but oh well.)

...

Seungwan has walked right into the wolves’ den.

Stumbled, more like… but she doesn’t know it yet.

She should really enjoy these final moments of freedom she has while she still can. While she still has a clear head. Although how clear the head of an oblivious young omega – who has willingly – willingly – ­left the safety of her village to gather various kinds of herbs only found in the densest, most secluded area in the woodlands – must be, is questionable. Dangerously questionable. It’s not like she hasn’t grown up huddled round by the fire with her big sister, listening to their grandmother tell them stories about vicious monsters that lurked around in the shadows, just waiting to devour young children. Hell, it wasn’t like she hadn’t been warned prior to her departure that this wasn’t something she could just treat like a hop and a skip in the park. Oh no, no. There were real threats out there. Blood-sucking demons, perhaps not, but there were threats much realer than that. Threats who wouldn’t hesitate to make an absolute meal out of delicate little things like her.

Old wives’ tales are everywhere, Seungwan thinks now she’s older, just so kids won’t go out and play past dinner time. Monsters? Hah, as if there could ever be such things. She bids her family goodbye and sets off until she’s past their point of vision, nothing but stubbornness and idealism shielding her from any sort of danger. It’s still the afternoon, so she has plenty of time.

Plus, it isn’t like this route is ‘new’. Back when she was a child, her and the neighbourhood kids would often explore the ‘Forbidden Forest’, as they called it, on dares or out of morbid curiosity. Seungwan had her fair share of ‘I dare you’s’, and - once she had gotten over the initial excitement of going against everything her parents had ever told her - had found the woods to be rather serene. Somewhat of an escape, if you please.

So she knew her way there like the back of her hand. Every twist, every turn, every slope and every dip; memorised as well as the tune she hums to herself as she begins the tedious task of gathering. The shade of the trees is marvellous, and it puts Seungwan in an extra good mood. So surely when she’s exhausted from filling her basket with herbs and cooking flowers – surely when she feels the ache in her back from bending over so much – it isn’t totally unreasonable for her to lay back on the trunk of a tree and… rest her eyes? Just for a while?

It can’t hurt, can it?

Yes. As crimson pupils and a predatory snarl will soon tell her, it very much can.

Unbeknownst to the naïve, unconscious omega, her fate was sealed the minute she set foot into the woods she thought she knew so well. This was never hers. It’s hers. The greenery, the trees, and every shadow they casted belonged to her.  This is her territory; alpha territory. And this is where the cruellest one of them all intends to wait her rut out. It is nothing but a mild inconvenience to her, a sorry stroke of luck, that Park Sooyoung is no longer part of a pack. Then again, killing another in-pack alpha for no good reason will do that to you. She had left the group without a shred of remorse for their fallen member; it was survival of the fittest, anyway. And in Sooyoung’s case, a hard-hitting reminder that wherever she may go, raging jealousy will always follow. So here she is, secluded and alone, not having anything to take her frustrations out on.

Until now.

It’s her scent that sets the alpha off, all bright and innocent, and it has her suppressing a hungry growl as she pokes through the air with a heightened sense of smell. Finally, through a clearing, she finds her prize, propped up against the oak, eyes closed and dreaming. Dreaming sweet things, of course. There’s no way anything so fragile-looking, so peaceful – so delicious – could dream of anything other than rainbows and sunshine. What on earth is a human doing taking a –

Hang on, Sooyoung sniffs the air again… no. No way. A human omega? Oh. She drinks the sight of her; tiny hands, tiny feet, tiny everything. She’s so incredibly petite, Sooyoung wonders how she doesn’t have an alpha of her own yet. Either that, or she just can’t smell past the density of her own arousal to locate the lingering scent of any potential alpha. If she was really unbound, Sooyoung would love to change that, of course. But she’s not sure she has the space in her head right now for flirting and small talk. There’s a demand in her trousers that’s far too pulsing to ignore. A demand that soon has her creeping up to the blissfully oblivious girl.

…

Cinnamon eyes blink sleepily open at the particularly loud sound of a crushed leaf.

She sees Sooyoung. Then she sees the ravenous glint in her pupils.

Then it’s a struggle. Everything’s a struggle. From trying to kick free of the vice-like grip dragging her face down and backwards, to the panicked efforts of lungs expanding under the weight atop her, everything’s a bloody struggle. A good fight she’s putting up, too, Sooyoung has to admit. If only she weren’t so much taller and so much stronger, Seungwan might not be washing all her determination down the drain. It’s just too easy to flip her over and pin her down, and Sooyoung gladly lets the little omega writhe and wriggle until she’s too tired, too defeated to do anything other than meet her gaze with innocent, frightened eyes and ragged breaths. Park Sooyoung is alpha, undisputed.

God does she even know what she looks like right now?! Sooyoung’s mind goes berserk at the image of the omega trapped under her. Cheeks tinted a deep rose, caramel locks all tousled like she’s just woken up – which, I mean… – and the overwhelming smell of… just her. So soft, so warm, so vulnerable.

Sooyoung barely manages to snarl down at her with how much that lust cloud has expanded in her brain. “What are you doing here, omega?”

She sounds angry, but Seungwan can tell it’s much more than that. The hardness she feels pressed against her core is a pretty big giveaway, for starters.

“I was j-just resting… p-please don’t hurt me,” she whimpers, shivering under the alpha’s scrutiny but too terrified to look away. “Plea – please let me go!”

Though even Seungwan knows that was just a breath worth saving.

The response to her tearful pleas is a deep, throaty laugh and powerfully concentrated alpha pheromones that force their way up her nose, suffocating her. It’s overbearing, and it’s more than enough to trigger her instincts. Seungwan bares her neck, head lolling back onto the soil below them. Feeling those sharp incisors nudging the delicate skin of her throat has the helpless omega whining in submission, unconsciously tilting her chin further back so Sooyoung can clamp down on her throbbing pulse point.

After dutifully marking her, the alpha can take it no longer. She only needs one hand to hold Seungwan down while she unzips her trousers to free herself, hard and aching with the need to mate. It’s too much work to even think about stripping her, and Sooyoung simply pushes her skirt to her waist and yanks her panties to the side. Seungwan lets out a tiny gasp; the late evening mist is crisp and frigid against her thighs and it makes her feel slightly feverish.

Although she has no time to worry about a stupid draft when there’s a scorching heat now overtaking her. She doesn’t even realise how wet she is until she feels two fingers slide far too easily inside her, curling upwards and stimulating the spot that makes her cry out. A sinful grin tugs at the corners of Sooyoung’s mouth when she feels Seungwan try to push herself further onto her fingers, hips on autopilot, grinding down like she has no control over her own actions. Seems like little omega is a lot more worked up than she’d thought. She throbs with desire as she watches the smaller girl fuck herself on her fingers with her eyes rolled back in her head, but it’s so mesmerising that she almost forgets her own needs. She remembers just in time, though; just in time to tear Seungwan’s orgasm from her, laughing as she grabs her hips to hold her steady.

A small whine fills Sooyoung’s ears and she looks down. “Aw, what’s wrong? What do you need?”

It’s too adorable when she feels those trembling fingers paw weakly at her chest in a silent plea for more. Still, she leans forward, letting the girl grab onto the fabric of her shirt. “Voice up, little one,” she purrs seductively, “I have no idea what you want, and I’d never take advantage of a poor, defenceless omega.”

Seungwan tries to resist, but it’s hopeless. Her body needs it.

“Alpha,” she whispers, sending electricity up Sooyoung’s spine at the sound of her title, “plea – ah!”

Seungwan sucks in a breath, eyes screwing shut as the fingers suddenly enter again, teasing her where she aches to be filled completely.

“Alpha, please what, hm?” Sooyoung asks, a little sinister, a little playful. “Please stop? Is that it? I can do that.”

She removes her digits from her dripping heat, acting as though they were really done here.

“N-no! … please don’t leave!” Seungwan can’t help sounding as desperate as she looks, whiny and ridiculously needy, “… please… please fuck me…”

Oh, anything for you, baby.

In one fluid motion, Sooyoung sheathes her length right the way to the hilt. Tears well up in Seungwan’s eyes and cloud her vision with sheer pleasure when she finally gets what she needs. Sooyoung won’t lie either, she’s glad she did it when she did… who knows how much longer she could’ve looked at that pretty face just begging for her cock. Their combined fluid allows the alpha to build a steady, albeit punishing, rhythm, and Seungwan sobs at the arousal burning through, inner thighs coated with slick that continues to drip out of her.

“So tight, little one,” the alpha growls, nipping at a collarbone when she feels the omega’s walls clenching down on her every time she moves to pull out, greedily sucking her back in. Seungwan lets out a restricted sigh at the feeling; the girth stretching her open, the way the ridge of her head rubs mercilessly against her inner walls. It takes a few jerks for her to realise she isn’t being held down anymore. Well, not by Sooyoung, anyway. Her own burning desire still has her very much pinned in place.

For a good moment, Seungwan can only hear the wet noise whenever Sooyoung’s hips meet her butt as she decorates the silence with her own little moans and gasps. Not even the sounds of the surrounding nature registers in her foggy mind.

Sooyoung reaches down in between the omega’s legs, prodding around in search for her clit. She finds it with ease, and a keening whine erupts from Seungwan’s throat as the pad of her thumb rolls against the swollen thing with the perfect pressure. This alpha is immaculate at multi-tasking, she thinks, involuntarily bucking her hips up towards her, begging for more stimulation, begging her to never stop.

Sounding pathetic again is the absolute last thing she wants to do, but – “please, please alpha… I can’t take it, please let me cum…”

“Soo – young,” the alpha corrects her between thrusts, voice noticeably huskier as she gets closer herself.

Okay, okay, anything.

“… ple – ea – se… Soo – young,” she’s panting out now, unable to make a sound louder than a hoarse whisper, “… I’m – gonna…”

Sooyoung feels her tense up, and takes it as a cue to thrust deeper, if that was even possible. With a final gasp, Seungwan’s cumming. Hard. She’s sobs freely, shuddering and twitching at the sparks of heat ripping through her, entire body trembling. It’s immensely pleasurable… for a while.

And that’s when it all becomes too much.

“Ah! Sooyoung, Sooyoung… no, please… I – I came, it hurts,” she whimpers. She carelessly grasps at whatever is around her, trying to shift off the cock still pounding into her, and away from the pressure on her sensitive clit – but Sooyoung won’t let her.

“Don’t you dare…” she warns.

Her nails dig into her thighs, leaving pink crescent marks in the soft flesh, probably hard enough to bruise. She holds the squirming omega in place as she chases her own release, knowing she’s too drained and too spent to put up a fight. The teary omega can do little but lay there and take the overstimulation that’s driving her mad, shattering any other physical sensation she thought she had. She’s limp, but that goddamned tightness is slowly rising again, overwhelming and awful. Oh my god no, she can’t cum again, she can’t, it’s impossible. But apparently, so were the existence of vicious monsters lurking in the shadows of the woods, waiting for their chance to pounce on unsuspecting little things like her – so, she knows there are some lessons to be garnered from what she assumed was impossible and what was really not.

The thought of a second orgasm is terribly daunting, but Sooyoung’s cock and her thumb that never left her clit were pushing her closer and closer, giving her all the stimulation she needs and the heat is rising and she doesn’t think she can stop herself and she’s – she’s – oh god, she’s –

Seungwan’s vision goes stark white as she’s tipped over the edge again, falling apart with a raspy wail.

That does it for Sooyoung. The moaning, the shivering, the way velvet walls tighten around her shaft when she makes her cum a second time has her groaning as she gives a few final thrusts.

“Oh baby, yeah, I’m cumming,” she grunts, curling over Seungwan to lock her in her arms as she pumps into her, fucking her into the ground, the omega’s quivering heat milking every last drop from her.

They stay like that, both too tired to move. When Sooyoung eventually props herself up and pulls out, she’s rewarded with a feeling of satisfaction and the wonderful sight of the little omega who’s blinking wearily up at her, letting out a tiny yawn. Sooyoung wants to slap herself for mating one this adorable. Not for anything other than the fact that she can already see herself weak at the knees for this girl, and she can see herself tending to her every need, when she’s supposed to be the one in charge.

Still, now that she’s found her, she’s not letting go.

Seungwan’s fast asleep by the time Sooyoung gathers her up in her arms, mindful of the scrapes and cuts her poor little omega sustained from their first encounter. She’s so glad she got to her before anyone else did. She’s so tiny and warm and all hers.

...

i’m so sorry, i really don’t know what the heck ‘cooking flowers’ are i clearly just made that up it sounds so dumb lol.

also it’s hard to write smut when the words you hate typing are literally all the words you need to describe the scene??

[thefatisland]

I stumbled upon this one by random luck. 

Beware, this is not a “satisfying” or “excellent” exemple but I thought I’d mention it.

“Codename Sailor V” is a small manga that ran in magazines between 1991 and 1997. So be prepared for the qualty of a 90s small manga. 

Codename Sailor V basically acts as a prequel to the Sailor Moon manga you might be more familiar with. The ninth chapter of the manga is called “Sailor V versus Devleen” and features weight gain - though due to the chibi and simplistic artstyle, you won’t get any visual satisfaction.

Basically the “Dark Agency” (the supervillains of Sailor Moon) due to their recurent defeats, have lost their energy. One of the members of the Agency, Danburine (aka Devleen) proposes a plan that not only will bring energy to the villains but also money to the Agency. The plan is very simple.

Create a popular chain of chocolate shops that sell very tasty, but also very addictive and very fattening chocolates. They are mostly destined at young girls and women - offering them a lot of free samples. These chocolates are enough to make the girls gain in maybe a week somewhere between four and six kilos. (Note that this is a Valentine’s Day chapter, so Valentine Day is coming, the girls not only will want to try chocolates to find the best for their lovers but also will want to look their best for the day of love).

Then, the second part of the plan is the opening of “Este de Brine” spa, a spa dedicated to helping girls lose weight and get a perfect body - before distributing a lot of flyers around with a “first test free”. As a result, all the girls come to the spa to get “reduced” (Note here something very clever from the part of the villain - when she poses as Este de Brine, the owner of the spa, she actually doesn’t actively force or shame the girls into losing weight. She welcomes them easing their fear saying that heavy girls look better, and chubby girls are more popular with boys - but if they REALLY want to do it, she can help them... Like that no one suspect her real intentions).

And here is the trick. The girls undergo a tiring process... then they look at themselves in the mirror, and find they look thin again, and gorgeous! So they leave the spa... But it is all a trick. The reflection in the mirrors are an illusion spell that will then fade away a few times after they left the spa. The spa doesn’t at all helps the girls lose weight - it rather sucks out their vital energy out of them. And here is the trick... When they go back home, since they are thin again, they want to indulge in their chocolate addiction, which helps them replenish their strength - only for them to become even fatter. So they return there, but this time they will have to pay and they are ready to pay because the effects seem so miraculous... and thus begins an endless cycle. 

And here is where us, male-oriented persons, can get some interesting material (though the visuals are very poor). Once Valentine’s Day comes, the girls all give the boys they love chocolates of the fattening brand (Rainbow Chocolates they are called). And the boys adore it - so they begin buying some... which results in them also gaining noticeable weight in a few days - enough for them to gain chubby faces, round bodies, and some even begin waddling (though it is all in chibi form so it is hard to see). 

Anyway ultimately Sailor Moon (well actually Sailor Venus at the time, hence the “V” in the title) defeats the villain and breaks her illusion spell and energy-sucking machine... before being puzzled by how none of the chocolate victims have lost weight. Because she believed the weight gain was also some sort of curse - but no, the people really have gained weight and the chocolates were just very fattening. As a result, the only thing the heroes can do is give everyone free diet tips and diet candy... 

[thebibliomancer]

Tides of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 20

Tides of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because dang the All-Maudra died. Gotta see what happens next.

Last times on book: Amri and co are on a quest to unite all the Gelfling clans against the Skeksis. They’ve managed with the Sifa by convincing Maudra Ethri to look at some cool flames. They’ve managed with the Dousan by restoring a cool, giant tree. But now they’ve received word that that the All-Maudra has died.

Chapter 20

Team Naia travels to Ha’rar... no, that can’t be right.

Amri felt like he must have misheard. Erimon passed the parchment to Kylan, who read it again. Amri didn’t need to read it. He didn’t want to. It wouldn’t explain how or why or who had done it. Just that it had happened. He reached up to see if Tavra was still on his shoulder. She was where she’d been since they’d leaped into the lake, but she said nothing.

Oof. I hadn’t thought of that but poor Tavra.

Her mom died and she never got a chance to go ‘yo i’m alive but a spider but and also you can’t stop me from dating Onica now because we can’t have lesbian babies like this.’

Amri wonders if the All-Maudra was killed by the Skeksis because she vowed to resist the Skeksis but that sets Kylan off. Also, Kylan shows he’s upset by crossing his arms and twisting his ears back. Like a cat?

But Kylan points out that All-Maudra Mayrin said she was lighting the fire of resistance but nothing happened like what happened with the Sifa and the Dousan where actual rainbow flames burned the story of uniting the Gelfling into something nearby.

“You think she didn’t light the fire after all?” Naia asked.

“Maybe she thought she had,” Onica said solemnly. “Maybe she died trying.”

They had no proof except the feeling in their hearts. Amri didn’t want to believe it, but he couldn’t deny it either: The Vapra fire had never been lit.

But if the fires HADN’T been lit for the Vapra and the All-Maudra was no longer leading them with some lip service about resisting. Then it means there was only one path for Team Naia to take in the seven chapters still left in this book.

They were going to Ha’rar after all.

MY GOD.

I never thought this day would come.

I mean, something is going to sidetrack them, right??

Because the side characters are making sure that nothing gets in their way.

Erimon lends them his Crystal Skimmer Tappa because she’s the fastest in his xeric and even asks Periss to drive it.

Ha, I knew Periss was joining the party.

Erimon has to stay and help organize the resistance with the other sandmasters once they arrive since Maudra Seethi is on her way to Ha’rar.

WHERE I CAN’T BELIEVE THE TEAM IS ACTUALLY GOING. Its been nearly three books of not going to Ha’rar! J.M. Lee, you’re blowing my mind!

“Now that the storm has broken, the xerics will continue to arrive. I will tell them the song of what has happened here. And when the time comes, we will heed the signal of the flames. We will join the fight against the Skeksis.”

“We still don’t know what that signal will be,” Naia said.

Erimon bowed. “We can never fully predict what form a sign will take. We only know it when we see it, or hear it, or sense it some other way. But I have faith in Thra, and in you. I will se to it the Dousan do not forsake the gifts we have been given. Not as we have in the past, nor ever again.”

You’ve really learned a thing, Erimon.

Erimon says that he thinks Periss can get them to Ha’rar in a day and so and apparently without a storm and without all the supplies, Tappa nyooms.

On the Skimmer trip, the team continues to discuss the All-Maudra’s death. Tavra finally pipes up to suggest that Mayrin failed to light the fires of resistance because the Skeksis found her out. But that there’s no point in speculating.

Because she’s finally getting what she’s wanted all along, to go to Ha’rar but in the way she’d least want it.

Be careful what you wish for?

“We must go to Ha’rar and reach someone who can tell us what happened. No more Far-Dreams or riddles from Thra. I want answers.”

“How are you taking this?” Amri asked. Tried to keep it soft, to let her know he was asking her feelings and not her political opinion. She was hesitant in answering.

“I am worried for my sisters. I am worried for my people.”

Amri tells her that Seladon will take care of Brea to reassure her and if Seladon’s arc is similar to the show then, -laughs in irony-.

Tavra was quiet a long time, unmoving. She curled one leg in.

“I don’t know that she will,” she said. “that is my greatest fear. My mother put her duties first and her daughters second. It was difficult to find ways to earn her love. Because of our station. But we tried. For me, that meant becoming a soldier. For Brea, becoming a scholar. For Seladon, it meant becoming All-Maudra one day... but the pressure was often too much. She is not ready, and I fear the Skeksis know that.”

“You should be All-Maudra,” Naia said suddenly.

Hah. Naia doesn’t even know Seladon and she’s like ‘wow she probably sucks and you’d be better.’ Poor Seladon.

The idea brought a strange fantasy to life. Tavra, in her Gelfing body. Sword in hand, drapedi n the silver cloaks with the living crown on her brow. She had traveled farther than any of them, knew more of the state of the world. Knew the Skeksis all by name, knew how the All-Maudra was expected to behave. Had the respect of her clan as a Vapra princess, but knew firsthand the hardships that had befallen the Gelfling who were so unlucky to find themselves in the Skeksis’ crushing grasp.

If there was ever a leader the Gelfling could look to, Amri realized, it was Tavra. Tavra, who was locked in the body of a spider, whose voice could barely be heard even by those who knew enough to listen.

“That is impossible,” Tavra said. She slipped below the rail and disappeared into Kylan’s traveling pack.

Relatable.

As evening falls they get closer to the snowlands and Periss tells them he’ll have to leave them at the frost line because Tappa is a DESERT CREATURE.

Nooooo Periss, you’re supposed to be the sixth ranger! You can’t leave your new best pals!

He also calls Naia Amri’s girlfriend and he does do the “she’s not my girlfriend” thing but less vehement and more embarrassed.

“Have you dreamfasted together?”

Amri’s ears went flat at the forward question. Of course he’d dreamfasted with Naia, but only to share memories that they’d needed to share, so the truth of the Skeksis and the message they carried would not be forgotten. But there were other memories, ones more secret and intimate. Private hopes and fears. Memories he had all to himself, beautiful things he’d seen when he’d been alone. Dreams he’d had, and nightmares.

Amri had always hoped one day to find someone to share those memories with. Someone he trusted enough and who trusted him to truly dreamfast. To share everything. It had never occurred to him that someone might be Naia. Until now, and only thanks to a wily Dousan thief. Periss grinned ear to ear, as if making Amri blush from embarrassment was his new favorite game.

“No. Not that way,” he mumbled.

“Do you want to?” Periss asked.

“I want to change the subject.”

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Excuse me I need to take a moment.

a moment

You’re adorable, Amri.

Also, based on this, Jen and Kira basically got engaged the first time they met. Just went full info dump on each other. ‘HEY I GUESS THATS ME AS A BABY’ because they never learned to not overshare in dreamfasting and because nobody ever taught Jen about sex.

Also also, this fits well with what we learn in the first book about how its a sign of maturity for Gelfchildren to learn how to not broadcast their entire lifestory the instant someone touches them.

I continue to love the nuances we get about dreamfasting.

After sleeping and starting another day of travel, Amri spends some time practicing sword because he’s changed his tune on that.

Amri practiced his sword stances, parries and thrusts. Imagined striking down Skeksis after Skeksis as he charged into a citadel swarming with darkened beasts. It felt heroic in his mind, that part -- the charge, the thought that he could single-handedly defeat the monsters that might have taken the shining city -- but in the end, even in his fantasies, when they finally reached the throne, the All-Maudra was already dead.

Aw.

Although the first part of this wild fantasy sounds like Amri should have been scenario writing for the Age of Resistance trpg.

But its more about his understanding that even if he becomes a cool, heroic swashbuckling figure with like two whole days of sword practice under his belt and even if they win, that victory will always carry with it the tragedies the Skeksis inflicted on the way. Mira, Mayrin, other Gelfing whose names don’t start with M’s.

They reach the frost line and dangit Periss actually leaves! Just because you’re the sixth ranger you think you can come and go to save the budget??

Although, in a nice bit of growth, he gives the team all the jewelry he stole from the Sifa. Nice, they can give Tae her stuff back if they see her.

Going the rest of the way on foot, Team Naia actually reaches Ha’rar. I’m frankly shocked.

Like the crystals in a broken geode, the city of Ha’rar glittered in the protective shell of the mountains, covered in snow and glowing with moon- and starlight. At the far edge of the city, a majestic building stood with its back to the wide Silver Sea. It looked like an icicle, or one of the many crystal stalagmites in Domrak and the Caves of Grot. Every elaborately sculpted feature refracted the light of the moons and the Waystar, sending night rainbows across the city.

It was beautiful, but eerily silent and ominously dark.

Hmmmm.

None of the lanterns are lit and none of the people are out and about on the streets. Spooky.

Tavra tells them that they absolutely must not be caught by the Skeksis. And then with her hometown knowledge guides them along back paths and side roads.

They have to duck out of view at one point when two Skeksis come down the street.

Skeksis. Two of them, passing by on the street just in front of them. One wore broad-shouldered, black-scaled armor, covering his spiny back like the carapace of an armalig. Gray hair -- or was it fur? grew across his blunt forehead and cheeks, casting a hazy shadow upon his scowling lips and piercing yellow eyes. The other stood straighter in his crimson and black robes, armored and adorned in shining gold chains. He seemed taller yet, thanks to the fleshy spike that protruded from the top of his head like a horn.

“skekUng and skekZok,” Tavra whispered. “The General and the Ritual Master.”

I wonder if skekVar exists in this continuity.

skekUng is the General so Var doesn’t have a lot to be doing.

Also, FLESHY SPIKE? ZOK ARE YOU OKAY?

-google image-

He does have a gold hat thing but in one of the comics he just has a tall head spike so I DUNNO. I’m a little alarmed of him now.

Anyway, skekUng being here is bad because they all remember skekLi gloating that skekUng was making something bad.

Being possessed of ‘only the most relevant conversational snippets’ senses, skekUng complains “This is a waste of time. I say we kill the princess as we killed her mother and let the Vapra bow directly to us. As they should.”

Which confirms that the Skeksis killed the All-Maudra.

AND THEN before they can process that, Amri is grabbed by a hooded Gelfling.

“He’s possessed by a spider,” hissed a female voice, familiar in Amri’s ear. “On his shoulder -- quick, grab it and crush it!”

Onica stops the hooded Gelfling, who turns out to be Tae. Hi Tae!

Tae isn’t convinced because apparently the body-jacking spiders are a known and concerning concern at this point.

Amri tells Tavra that its time to reveal herself to Tae.

Tavra let out a tired sigh.

“Tae, it’s me. Katavra.”

Love that tired sigh. Spiders can’t even sigh. That’s just how tired Tavra is.

Tae wants to know HOW and possibly several repeated incredulous WHATs but Amri points out that its not a great idea to get into that in the middle of a sneaking mission. So Tae leads them off somewhere they can talk.

Geez only six chapters left. And we’ve got Ha’rar, a dead All-Maudra, Tae’s back. Periss took off... dangit did Periss take off because of a party limit? Tae is now the sixth party member?

[im-abanana]

@geekgirles The Rock!Branch AU is my drug now, and I shall never stop loving it. 

And thanks to the awesome post @tipolover22 sent us (thank you again, dear!), the one about Rock!Branch’s electric guitar, could I pass the opportunity to write some Broppy fluff?

Absolutely not.

---------------------------------------------

As he sighed dramatically for the umpteenth time that morning, Branch resolved to give his poor lungs much more credit from that day forward. “Poppy, for the last time, could you please take this blindfold off my eyes? I am not a little trolling anymore, and you know how much I hate surprises…”

The Rock Troll perceived the warmth of her exasperated huff on the back of his disheveled nape hair, and he was fairly sure the Pop Queen was rolling those beautiful magenta orbs of hers. “Are all Rock Trolls so whiny and insufferable, or is it just you?” she inquired, her voice saturated with both mirth and impatience. “Come on tough boy, bear with me a tiny bit longer. We’re almost there, I promise!”

“I’m gonna bear with you for the rest of my life,” his hopelessly romantic-self wanted to say, but Branch bit his tongue to preserve some of his already stolen dignity. If anyone saw him, the Rock Trolls’ second in command, like this— wrapped up like some sort of birthday-boy! Yup, it was definitely not the proper time for silly poems and sentimentalism. 

“You’re lucky I love you,” he grumbled at last, because he couldn’t help but remind her again, and again, and again.

Imagine being that weak for a colorful, crazy, scrapbook-loving Pop Troll.

The young Queen’s carefree chuckle filled the air like a melody, and when Branch felt her lips peppering his left cheek with light kisses, his knees got all wobbly. 

“I know I am,” Poppy chirped sweetly, as if she really meant it, as if she truly believed she was the lucky one. 

Oh, nothing could be further from the truth!

The Queen’s petite fingers suddenly squeezed his biceps, making the Rock Troll stop in his wavering tracks. “Ok, here we are! Are you ready for your surprise, Branch?” she asked, definitely more excited than he was.

Pop Trolls loved to torture their mates, that had to be it. But then again, how could he deny her anything? He let out a last, defeated sigh and then nodded. “Please, don’t let it be glitter, don’t let it get on your face Branch, you’re still recovering from a bad case of cataract from last time…”

The moment Poppy freed him from the blindfold, the sudden sunlight struck his light blue eyes, forcing him to rub them with the back of his tattooed hands to help them adjust. And when they finally did, Branch found himself staring at a rather large, black box tied with a grey ribbon.

Black? No glitter? No rainbows, cupcakes or unicorns? Very uncharacteristic of her…

“What is it, Poppy?” the Captain wondered aloud, staring back and forth between the mysterious dull box and his girlfriend’s anticipating face.

“It’s, uh… just a present, really. For you,” Poppy lowered her gaze nervously, very shy all of the sudden. Her foot drew small circles in the soft grass underneath them. “Go on, open it! I— I just hope you’ll like it. I mean, I’m a Pop Troll and I still don’t know much about Rock Trolls’ taste, but…”

Branch’s hearth clenched tightly in the middle of his chest, pouring and pumping a rush of pure adoration in his bloodstream until he thought he could overflow with it; she seemed so vulnerable, so tense, so preoccupied. It was obvious that she was hoping she’d made the right choice. 

Most importantly, she was hoping she could make him happy.

Ok, he definitely didn’t deserve her. What did he— a grumpy, short-tempered and overly-tattooed rocker —do to deserve such a selfless angel?

Cupping her freckly cheeks with his callous palms, the Rock Trolls’ Captain gently spurred the Queen to lift her head up. “Poppy, listen to me,” he cooed, surprised by the tenderness of his own voice. “whatever it is, I’m sure I’m gonna love it. But you didn’t need to buy me a gift, really. I got everything I want here, right in front of me. What more could I possibly ask for?”

And who needed the sun, when her smile could shine so bright? Just as he didn’t need stars to wish upon, when an entire galaxy seemed to be sparkling in her eyes. 

“Aww Branch, you’re such a flatterer,” the pink Queen gasped, sincerely touched by his kind words, all of her concern replaced by a renewed excitement. “But enough of the mushy stuff and flatteries now, unwrap your present already! I still have my class to teach to, you know. I bet Wani and her friends are done babysitting, and I can’t exactly ask Tresillo and his mates either. Since their three eggs hatched, the Reggaeton Trolls’ are parenting 24/7!”

“Alright Pops, don’t worry. I’m opening the gift right now,” he assured, carefully grabbing the box and starting to gently pull the ribbon.

He’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t at least a tiny bit curious. The Rock Troll didn’t exactly know what to expect; would it be a scrapbook? A lifetime supply of cupcakes? An explosion of multicolored glitter? Or maybe a— oh.

OH.

The last thing Branch expected to receive as a gift from the Queen of Pop was the sickest, awesomest electric guitar he’d ever seen in his entire life.

It was completely black, with a rough surface covered with different kinds of skulls. The biggest one was embedded in the lower left part of the guitar, just below the bridge, with fang-like bones making up for its missing mandible and going all the way to the lower right side. A small and complete skeleton— a critter he couldn’t fully recognize —was unnaturally splayed on the central part, between the pickups. And finally, skillfully attached to the strap pegs, there were two small mink’s skulls.

Whoa, just— whoa.

Branch was still gaping like a dead fish when Poppy’s voice tentatively broke through his astonishment and stupor. “So… do you like it?” she asked, not exactly able to interpret his kinda amusing expression. “I know how much you adore skulls, so I had this guitar made just for you. Well actually, truth to be told, it was Barb who recommended me this pretty talented luthier and—”

“Like it?” the Captain incredulously blurted out, struggling to avert his eyes from that absolute masterpiece. “Poppy, are you serious!? This is— oh my Rock, this is the coolest guitar I’ve ever seen! I don’t even know what to say, thank you! Thank you so much!” 

At this point, Branch could no longer restrain himself; he grabbed his beautiful girlfriend by the hips and lifted her up, playfully swinging her in the air like a crazy teenager. And the overjoyed laugh she regarded him with… damn, he could’ve spent forever listening to that beautiful laugh.

“Now that you gifted me such an amazing instrument,” the Rock Troll grinned smugly, the menacing sharpness of his fangs in cosmic disharmony with the soft kiss he placed on Poppy’s nose. “I hope you’re ready to be spoiled and serenaded all night long, my Queen.”

“You know I am. Do I get to choose one song?” the Queen of Pop excitedly asked, fluttering her long eyelids the way— she knew, that tiny torment —it made him absolutely crazy. “Or maybe two, pretty please?”

And again, how could he deny her anything? 

With a smile so warm and so big it could split his face in half, Branch started to mentally rehears the notes of those songs, their songs. 

“‘Perfect for Me’ and ‘True Colors’ it is, I suppose?”

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 2: The Hero

(from ‘The Conman and the Maid’ Series)

…in which every hero is different; hers just killed two men.

Word count: 7.4k

AU: princess!y/n, prisoner!harry, conartist!harry.

Series description: Y/N is a princess and Harry is a prisoner in her castle. With his help, she escapes from her arranged marriage and her father’s rotten kingdom in search of a happy ending, if there is one.

Wattpad link (original character: Reyna)

A/N: Please let me know what you think :) Thank you for reading! Merry Christmas!

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The little princess sat by the window with her chin on her palm, taking in the magnificent view of the beautiful kingdom of Theros. She grew up with her mother's fairytale about a princess locked up in a high tower and a prince showing up just in time to save the damsel in distress. And yet, there she was, locked up in a high tower and no prince charming was on his way to rescue her.

She should have been outside, picking flowers under the sun, rolling down the hill and lying on the green grass. She should be allowed to do the things a normal child loved to do. But now it occurred to her that she wasn't a normal child. She was a princess whose job was to follow the rules; and by breaking them, she not only caused trouble for herself but also for others. Maybe it would be for the best if she just disappeared.

Her family would be better off without her. Her mother would probably miss her, but the queen would eventually grow used to her absence. If she left, no one would have to waste their time worrying about her and punishing her and bearing her father's anger for her. And she would be free to do whatever she wanted. Oh, what a great vision that was!

But a dream was only a dream. She knew she could never escape from this life. She had never gone past the curtain walls by herself and for certain would get lost, starve and die alone if she did. The only choice she had left was to endure until she was old enough to marry a prince, and only then would she be able to leave her kingdom to start a new life.

She sighed at the thought, gazing at the cloudless blue sky while imagining her hero showing up on his beautiful white horse.

The door creaked open suddenly and Y/N jolted right up when she heard a voice that didn't belong to her maid.

"Y/N."

"Uncle!"

The little princess hopped away from the window and ran right into King Edgar's arms. He picked her up, holding her tightly and stroking her hair; his touch was just as gentle as her mother's, and for a second, she forgot that she was being punished.

"God, you're growing up so fast! You're so heavy now!"

"I'm taller too!"

"You are!" Edgar laughed when the little girl wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

"Did the guards see you come in, uncle? My father doesn't allow—"

"It's okay, darling. You are now free to leave your chamber."

Y/N's pale grey eyes brightened as soon as she heard. "Really? How?!"

Edgar put his niece down and breathed out a laugh as he got down on his knees in front of her. "It was a shame you weren’t there to see the match today. I asked your father to forgive you if I won, and I did. So you’re free to go."

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” The little princess said joyously, giving her uncle another tight hug.

“You’re welcome.” He smiled. “Anything for my favourite girl.”

Despite the love Edgar had for his niece, the feud between the two families had existed since time began. Every Northern king had wanted to invade Theros, for this kingdom was not only large and rich, but its people were also more well-educated and skilled.

The Connells, who had been the rulers in the South for all that time, preferred peace but they wouldn’t mind shedding blood and taking blood to protect their land. Had it not been for the marriage of Princess Meira and Prince Willem, the two houses might still be each other's enemies up till this day.

Though a war would go against everything their ancestors had fought for and Meira would never forgive him if he dared to invade her home, Willem had often mulled it over.

A few years before, during a reunion feast, Edgar had jokingly suggested a duel between him and Willem, and the winner of which could have anything they asked for.

"If I win, would you give me Theros?" Willem had said, laughing as if it was a joke, but everyone at the table knew he had never been more serious about anything.

The guests, Meira, and even Willem himself had expected Edgar to start laughing along, but with a solid look in his eyes, he had instantly accepted the deal.

“What do you want in return if you win?”

"Nothing,” Edgar had said without pause. “Seeing you humiliated is already my biggest reward."

"You sound confident," Willem had mocked, a condescending smirk spreading across his face.

And Edgar had calmly replied, "that's not confidence, brother. That's a fact."

When Willem heard those words, he had been so sure that he would return to Isolde the morning after with both kingdoms in the palm of his hand. But what he didn’t know was, Edgar had been the greatest swordsman in his kingdom since he was a boy. He had never lost a battle in his life, and would certainly not lose to someone who had not picked up a sword in a decade.

Edgar had won the duel that year, and the year after that, and another one after that. He had won every year since. Being too proud to accept it, Willem would ask for a rematch every time he visited Theros, hoping that he would win. But no matter how much effort he’d put into training, he always faced the same defeat.

"Your father is a fool, Y/N, just like your brother."

Y/N covered her mouth and tittered at her uncle's remark. Uncle Edgar was probably the only man she knew who wasn't afraid of her father, and for that reason, she adored him the most.

"Now, my love. How would you like a walk in the garden with me?"

“Did you even need to ask?!” Y/N squealed in excitement, and without waiting for her uncle, bolted out of the room.

The little princess loved everything about this palace, but her favourite place had to be the garden. She and her mother had tried growing flowers in their own garden back home, but nothing could survive the abysmal cold in the North and so they’d stopped doing it years ago. Now their garden looked like an enormous blanket of white, while the garden here was a vibrant painting with all the colours of a rainbow. The lake-side air was pungent with the sweet fragrance of flowers, and King Edgar even picked a rose to put it in her hair.

"I wish I could stay here forever," she mumbled as they both rested on a bench by the lake. "I wasn't happy back home. Both father and Egon were mean to me and every time mother tried to help me, father got mad at her too.”

Edgar shook his head, his brows knitted together. "That little idiot Egon should’ve been punished, not you."

"Yes, Egon was a liar! But father said no one could punish the future king so Egon can just do whatever he wants and hurt whoever he wants. Did you know that he made the servants in the castle stand still for him to beat them with his wooden sword?”

"That is outrageous!” Edgar cried out in anger. “My father, your grandfather, used to punish me all the time when I was young. If someone does something wrong, they should take responsibility for their action, no matter if they're a boy or a girl. Both are equal."

Y/N took some time to think before she spoke, "then why can't girls be king, uncle? Is there a rule for that?"

"Not that I know of." Edgar gave a shrug, smiling. "Maybe you will be the first king who's a girl. I can see great potential in you, Y/N."

If Y/N had heard this before the accident by the river, maybe she would've been so happy and wholeheartedly believed in those words. But now she had come to terms with the fact that she was better off standing back and taking orders from the men in her family.

"Only in my wildest dreams, uncle," she said with a small smile. "But that's okay. One day, I will marry a prince and move far away from Isolde. I just hope my future husband will be as kind and understanding as you."

Edgar gave a nod as he held her pink cheek and pressed his lips against her forehead. "I hope that for you as well, my darling. Whatever happens, just know that Theros will always be your second home. You'll always be welcome here."

Y/N wasn't sure why her uncle had said that or whether he knew something she didn't, but it warmed her heart to hear his assurance. She put the red rose back into her hair, grinning from ear to ear.

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Summer came and went and winter came again.

It was that time of the year when every door in Isolde was closed and no travellers would come to this kingdom, for only the people there could bear this agonising cold. It was the type of coldness that reached into your bones and turned your blood into icy sludge. No one wanted to go outside after sunset when the air was so chilled it hurt to even breathe.

And during those winter days, the fireplace became Y/N's little sun for the evening, painting her mother’s reading room with yellow and orange hues while casting long shadows over the rug.

She would lay her head on her mother’s lap, watching the flames curl and sway in hypnotised joy while listening to the same old stories until she fell asleep, and dreamed about her own happy ending.

As a child, she let those moments pass by without knowing, and only learned to cherish them when they had become distant memories.

Her mother died in the winter.

Y/N was fourteen that year. She had never dealt with the loss of a loved one before, but she guessed it wouldn’t have been as hard had it not happened so suddenly. It was the plague that had killed thousands of people in the kingdom, and her mother was one of those poor victims. And when it was over, it didn’t feel like it was. Everything had been destroyed. Isolde looked like the kingdom of the dead, and without the queen, it was sinking into despair.

The king and his court didn’t travel South in the summer again. Willem said that trip would be meaningless now that his queen was gone, but those who knew him well would know the real reason. He just didn't want to travel by the Vedarr River without Meira.

As for Y/N, she was completely lonely in this world now that her mother was gone.

For the first year after the queen’s death, she had been exchanging letters with her uncle. But then her father found out and forbid her from doing that again. He didn’t want to associate with the Connells anymore, and Y/N believed he was trying to make it seem like her mother had never existed. He dealt with grief by neglecting its importance.

But it was easier said than done. Meira had been his light, and when he lost her, he also lost the only living part inside of him. She would always be there in everything he did, and he would have to carry the pain of losing her until the day he died.

That year, Y/N was eighteen, Egon was twenty, and Willem was ill. Gravely ill.

Words were spreading around that it wouldn’t take long until it was Egon took his father’s place. The king’s condition only worsened each day, and not even the best doctors could figure out what was wrong with him. However, Y/N thought she might know the answer.

“Can people die of a broken heart?”

She sat by the window of her chamber, staring blankly at the grey cloudless sky above. She felt her lady-in-waiting stop combing her hair, so she turned back to look at the girl.

“Nobody knows what’s killing him. That’s the only explanation, Jo,” the princess mumbled, her face twisted.

Jo said nothing for a moment. She didn’t know what to say and wasn’t sure what Y/N wanted to hear. Eventually, she let out a heavy sigh. “We should not discuss His Majesty’s condition, my lady. Not even when we’re alone.”

Y/N pressed her lips together and gave a nod. She knew she should never discuss these matters in the castle but she trusted Jo, at least more than anyone else there.

Jo was a few years older than her and was also her only friend. She loved talking to Jo, but she wished the girl had been more opinionated instead of just agreeing with most of the things she said and disagreeing only when it might get them into trouble.

“I know, it’s just--” Y/N exhaled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I don’t…I don’t think my brother would be a good king. What has he been doing for the last four years but drinking and fucking and drinking again?”

“Well, His Highness is a great soldier.”

Jo’s innocent comment made Y/N guffaw. “A great soldier,” she scorned. “Hurting people for self-pleasure doesn’t make you great or a soldier. Killing and ruling are two very different things.”

“My apology, Your Highness. I-I don’t...don’t know much about these things.”

When Jo hung her head to hide her blushing, Y/N knew right away something was wrong. She got on her knees and grabbed the maid’s shoulders.

“Did he--” Y/N stopped right when she saw the look in Jo’s eyes. That silence was the answer she had expected, but not the one she wanted to hear.

Without even finishing the question, she jumped right off the bed and stormed out of the room. The maid chased after her, begging her to let it go, but she was so mad she would have kicked the door down if her brother hadn’t left his wide open.

“You! Out!”

The naked girl in his bed crumbled in fear and hurriedly got up to put her dress back on, not wanting to disobey the princess. She looked like she was about to cry from humiliation as she walked out, but her ‘lover’ in bed couldn’t seem less bothered.

Egon adjusted the sheets around his waist and leaned back against the headboard, smirking at his little sister and her lady-in-waiting. “Was she being too loud? I could get a different whore, a mute one perhaps?”

That response got him a look of disgust from Y/N.

“I told you to stay away from Jo!”

“My lady, plea--”

“You could fool around with the entire kingdom, man or woman, but not Jo!”

“She was begging for it. Just ask her.”

“You--”

Y/N charged forward and the maid grabbed her right before she could attack her brother.

A condescending grin tugged at Egon’s chapped lips as he released a happy sigh, knowing it would only drive his sister insane for there was nothing she could do about it.

“You’re sick, Egon,” Y/N spat, wrapping both arms around Jo, who was holding back her tears, too scared to even look up.

“Brush your hair and stay out of my business, dear sister. You’re meeting your future husband today. A horse wouldn’t want to fuck you if he saw you like that.”

Ignoring her brother's snide remark, the princess stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

She didn’t blame the maid. She knew her brother had his way with words and no girl could resist his deceiving charm. No matter how cruel he was to them, all he needed to do was promise them all the things he would never give, and they would believe him entirely. That was why she felt the need to protect girls like Jo from him. Girls who had grown up without love and couldn’t tell the difference between reality and fantasy.

But then again, it was difficult to differentiate between the two things. Living in a place like this, fantasy was the only thing that could get you through the day.

Y/N had spent years dreaming about a beautiful love story and the hero on a white horse who would take her far away from this place, from the bad memories and the people who’d hurt her.

She was going to meet her betrothed tonight, at the ball. And she was excited, but also worried. If reality turned out to be different from the fantasy she’d been holding onto for her entire childhood, she would be so heartbroken.

“I’m sure the prince of Attwell is a gentleman and he will love you with all his heart,” Jo said while braiding the princess’ hair.

Y/N put on her gloves, smiling as she turned around. “When I get married, I will take you with me, Jo. We’ll move far away from here, and I’ll find you a rich husband who will take care of you.”

“I don’t need a husband, my lady. I’m happy to spend the rest of my life serving you.”

As Jo handed Y/N her sword, the princess almost told the maid how crazy that idea was, that from what she’d been taught, every girl needed a man. But when she saw the elation on Jo’s face, all she did was nod and smile.

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There was a field right outside the keep where Y/N had spent most of her childhood training and fighting battles with her wooden sword. When she was little, she used to always go there to train with Egon, but now she did it alone and was actually happy with that. The only person she missed every time she picked up her sword was her uncle. He had been an excellent teacher and always made her feel confident about her skills. And even though she had gotten more comfortable using the weapon, it was impossible to get better at fighting when she had no opponent.

Too distracted by the thought of uncle Edgar, Y/N didn’t hear footsteps coming towards her from behind, and one swing of her sword caused the person to scream and collapse onto the ground.

She turned around, terrified, but then heaved a sigh of relief when she saw the man propping himself up, unharmed. He looked up, their eyes meeting for the first time. One look at his face stopped the princess in her tracks. She guessed he was well aware of his good looks for he didn’t seem bothered by the way she was tongue-tied and gawking at him.

“Your eyes are grey…” Y/N blurted before she could stop herself. Blood raised right up to her face, but the stranger only chortled and lifted his shoulders in a half-shrug.

“They are, yes. Thank you for noticing.”

When he smiled at her, she lowered her sword but kept her guards up by keeping a good distance from him. He got back on his feet, sweeping snow off his clothes, and that was when she spotted the symbol of a hawk on his golden pin.

“Are you from Attwell?”

“Yes. How do you know?” The boy chuckled and ran his fingers through his messy hair.

She pressed her lips into a small smile, pointing to the pin on his left shoulder.

“Oh, right.” He smacked his forehead, laughing again.

“So you’re...here with the Gennadys? For the ball tonight?” She took a step toward him, her sword was now on her side. “Are you--”

“Prince Kavan Gennady of Attwell,” he finished her sentence, seemingly amused by the startled look on her face as he took her hand and gave it a kiss. “At your service, Your Highness.”

Y/N’s eyes grew bigger than before. She had to stutter for almost a second before she could blurt out the full sentence. “How do you know I’m the princess?”

The prince pointed to her dress. “If a servant got to wear that type of silk, Isolde must be the wealthiest kingdom in the world.”

Blushing, Y/N rolled her eyes and breathed out a laugh. Then, it hit her. Her future husband had just seen her swinging a real sword as if it was a toy. And she knew better than anyone what would happen when a man caught a woman holding a sword. But why hadn’t Kavan said anything? Was he not surprised or angry or disgusted?

“Do...do you find this strange?”

“What’s strange?”

He seemed confused by her question, so she lifted her sword. “This.”

“I’m sure every kingdom has these,” he said, making her chuckle.

“No. It’s me holding this. Have you seen a girl fighting with a sword before?”

“Yes, my mother.”

“What?” Y/N’s expression went blank in an instant. “Y-Your mother? A queen?”

“Yes.” Kavan nodded proudly, a big smile spread across his handsome face. “In fact, we’ve got a lot of female soldiers in Attwell. So this isn’t strange at all.”

“Wow...I-I didn’t know that...”

Seeing her more relaxed than before, the prince heaved a sigh of relief and extended his hand. “Walk with me? I’ll tell you more about Attwell. After all, it’s going to be your new home soon.”

Y/N didn’t hesitate to put her hand in his. She had never been to Attwell and she had only just met this prince, but she had a good feeling about this marriage. Could this be the happy ending she had been waiting for?

Was he her hero?

.

.

.

Having lived there her entire life, it was actually the first time Y/N had seen the ballroom in her castle. It was far different from what she’d imagined, and yet was everything she’d expected it to be, with crystal chandeliers spiralling down from the arching golden ceiling, illuminating the glimmering golden walls and the polished floor that looked like an iced-over lake.

There had never been parties or fun in the castle before tonight, or maybe there had been when her mother was still alive, but she’d been too small to be able to attend.

This time, however, not only did she get to host a ball of her own, but she also got to decide who would be on the guest list. She’d received looks of judgement when she told them she wanted Jo to be invited, but those grumpy old men who were responsible for the event couldn’t say anything about it and had to include her lady-in-waiting.

“Where’s Jo?” Y/N asked the guard standing behind her as both seats next to her were empty. She knew her father couldn’t leave the bed to join them tonight, but Jo should've been there by now.

“Why do you care about your maid when your future husband is also not at his table?” Egon, who was sitting on the other side of their father’s chair, said with a mouth full of food.

It was only then that Y/N noticed Prince Kavan was also missing from his table. She hadn’t seen him since they said goodbye after their walk around the courtyard. The royal performers were keeping all the guests entertained and dinner would be served once they’d finished. She didn’t really care for the prince for he knew what he was doing. She was afraid Jo would get anxious and change her mind at the last minute.

“Your Highness, where are you going?” the guard asked when she got up, but she just waved him off and told him not to follow her. Egon’s loud laughter faded away as she marched toward the back door and snuck out without anyone knowing.

In her golden ball gown, Y/N wandered aimlessly down the long corridor, calling her friend’s name loudly and waiting for a response. Where could Jo be? If she didn’t want to come, she would’ve told Y/N. Jo would never—

A loud moan stopped her right then.

She stilled for a second. And she heard it again.

She turned around, glaring at one of the closed doors on her right before approaching it slowly. Whoever was inside that room was making noises like those wounded animals before being killed by her father on a hunt. But those animals were in pain, this person was clearly enjoying whatever they were doing.

Her heart started racing faster as she thought she recognised the voice.

“Please...m-more...yes...”

Y/N couldn’t allow herself to believe it. Her brain was trying its best to deny what she knew was true, but her shaky hand was already one step ahead, grabbing the handle and yanking the door wide open. Her horrified gasp tore the guilty couple apart.

She'd finally found Jo, sitting on the table, legs spread, completely naked underneath the dress Y/N had given her to wear for tonight. And the man who was kneeling between the servant's legs looked up at her with the same grey eyes she'd fallen for. All three of them were speechless, and it was Jo who broke the silence by hopping off the table.

“Your Highness, I can explain! Your Highness, please!”

Jo chased her out of the room. Both of them were crying, but Y/N believed she was the only one who was truly hurt.

“I just wanted to prove to you that he was a rat! You deserve so much better!”

“You are a rat, Jo! I trusted you!” Y/N turned around, fire blazing in her eyes. “You were like a sister to me. You made me believe you were naive! I even tried to protect you from Egon!”

“Can’t you see, Princess?!” Jo uttered in tears as she grabbed Y/N’s arm. “I just...I just wanted to prove to you that men were all the same! I don’t want you to marry one. I-I love you.”

“W-What?” Y/N choked on her word. Her ears were buzzing for a second before her expression hardened. “You love me? You love me?! You fucked my future husband behind my back. Lied to my face. And you dared to say you loved me?!”

“I’ve loved you since I met you...It can be just us...You don’t need a husband.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” Y/N sniffled as she freed her arm from Jo's grip with a violent tug. “And I don’t need you either. You can’t just hurt someone to get what you want and call it love, Jo. It doesn’t work that way.”

"Your Highness, plea--"

"Now get out of my sight."

The princess gave a dismissive wave of her hand before storming off.

.

.

.

“The wedding will not be cancelled.”

"Father!"

"You are lucky I didn't punish you for leaving our guests before dinner even started. Now get out!"

"No!"

The king, though unwell, tried to sit up to look at his stubborn daughter who was standing at the foot of his bed. The aggressive look on her face told him she could not be moved, not even by violence.

“I don’t love him, father. And he obviously doesn’t love me.”

“You will both learn to tolerate each other.”

"It makes no sense to marry someone and tolerate them, father. If you don’t love someone, you can't spend the rest of your life with them. And he was lying with Jo!”

“Then we’ll kill Jo.”

“Don't you dare!” Y/N raised her voice, startling the old man. “I don’t want you to hurt Jo! I just want to stop this wedding! If you went back in time and had to marry someone else, not mother, would you have done it?!”

“Yes.”

Y/N couldn’t tell whether her father's sickness was to blame for that thoughtless answer, or it was his cold heart which had been frozen since the death of her mother. Either way, she wasn’t ready to hear the rest.

“I married your mother to get the throne and that was the only reason. You’ll marry this boy and be his Queen and bring us a strong alliance. Now get out.”

But Y/N was rooted to the floor. She looked at him with bitter resentment in her eyes, and she knew it wasn't actually her that he saw, it was her mother. Those were Meira's eyes, and that look would continue to haunt Willem, following him down to his grave.

“If mother could return from the dead and hear these words, she would kill herself.”

“GUARDS!” Willem roared and two guards rushed in to drag her outside. She didn't even protest, she let them take her. The doctors bolted into the room, and when the double door fell shut in front of Y/N, a dark thought crossed her mind, sending shivers down her spine.

She wished those vengeful words would kill the king.

For all her life, she had prided herself on being nothing like that man, but now she knew it wasn’t entirely true. She was still her father’s daughter, whether she liked it or not.

She had to leave. It was the only way.

.

.

.

Y/N supposed one must have a detailed plan for running away, but she was too angry to think straight when she put some jewellery into a satchel, grabbed her sword and headed to the stable. The only logical thing she could come up with at that point was that she needed a strong horse for this long journey. She didn't know where she was going, but she must get out of Isolde, even if it ended with her head on a spike.

“Oh no, not Thunder!”

The black horse reared and neighed out of fear, causing Y/N to jump back.

Egon was standing at the entrance and smiling devilishly at her. “I was going to take him out for a ride, but it seems like my dear sister is going to do it for me. Are you finally running away?”

His question got her speechless. She wanted to deny it, but it would have made things worse.

“Are you going to tell father?”

“No.” Egon shook his head, clicking his tongue and marching toward the girl. “I don’t care about you. Just take a different horse."

"Are you serious?"

"Absolutely! Where are you going by the way?”

“I don’t know.” She eyed him up and down as he circled around her like a vulture waiting to feed. Having known him for all those years, she could not trust anything that came out of his mouth.

“And you’re going by yourself?”

She quietly nodded.

“Brave!” His applause made her jump. “Good luck surviving though. I'll give you...two days!” He beamed, raising two fingers. “You'll either run out of food, get robbed in the forest, or eaten by wild animals. I mean, when was the last time you went past the curtain walls? Oh right, never.”

Still quiet, Y/N tried not to show her fear and make Egon happy, but she couldn't help it. She swallowed hard, pursing her lips.

“Scared already?” he mocked, laughing slightly. “I thought so. You are weak. You've always been. It’s time to use your head instead of your heart, dear sister.”

Y/N tightened her grip on the handle of her sword until her knuckles turned white. She thought she might lose it and cut Egon's throat for the things he'd said, but lucky for him, a guard showed up just in time to clear the tension.

“Your Highness!”

“Not now.” Egon waved his hand, but the man didn't leave.

“We’ve brought him here. He’s in the dungeon.”

“Who?” Y/N asked when she saw the unusual delight on her brother's face.

“A murderer,” he said with a smirk. “He killed two of our brave men last night.”

Oh, that. That she had heard. Egon had rewarded his favourite guards a free night in a brothel as he always did for no reason at all, but what was meant to be the best night of their lives had ended with two out of five getting killed in a fistfight.

Words travelled fast in this small kingdom and she believed by today, everyone would've already heard the story.  However, they would choose to believe Egon's version of what had happened, because after all, the man who had committed a crime was from Theros. And Northerners absolutely loathed those from the South.

“You had someone captured for saving an innocent woman?!” Y/N gave Egon's shoulder a hard push, but he didn't budge.

“I don’t know what they told you, but she clearly wasn’t an innocent woman.” He rolled his eyes. “She was a prostitute. And that Southern fool killed two of our guards for a dirty whore.”

“Those men were trying to hurt that woman,” she said between gritted teeth, giving Egon a spiteful glare. “If I was him, I would’ve done the same thing and made sure none of your fools was alive to run back to the castle like cry babies.”

Rather than being offended, her brother suddenly pinched her lips together and burst out laughing when she pushed his hand away.

“With that filthy mouth no wonder your future husband is fucking the entire kingdom except for you.”

Y/N hated to admit that it hurt as much as the first time she’d heard it, but knowing her brother, she felt no need to react to his harsh words and give him the satisfaction he was craving for.

When Egon was sure she had nothing else to say, he gave the guard a signal to continue.

The man nodded his head. “I’ve talked to the people in the brothel and apparently the prisoner was a conman. He fooled rich people for their money and—”

“And that place was full of rich brainless men,” Y/N finished the sentence, trying to hold back a smile. “That was smart.”

“Smart?” Egon scoffed. “With that long list of crimes, the rat will be hung by tomorrow morning.”

Y/N turned a deaf ear to her brother’s comment and asked the guard, “do you know if he has a family?”

“Ugh...women,” Egon gagged, but once again, was ignored.

“They said his mother was sick so he was probably stealing for her.”

“A criminal with a tragic backstory. Isn’t he exactly like one of those dumb character in mother’s boring bedtime stories?”

Y/N took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s his name?”

“Styles, my lady. Harry Styles.”

Harry

Styles

Harry

Styles

Harry

The princess repeated the name over and over again even after her brother and the guard had left. Harry Styles, a conman from Theros, who had a sick mother and would do anything to get back to her. And she, a damsel in distress, whose only family left was her uncle in Theros.

Could this be?

Could this be her brilliant masterplan?

.

.

.

“Harry Styles? Which one of you is Harry Styles?!”

This is stupid. Really fucking stupid!

Y/N had never gone down to the dungeon before so she didn't know they kept so many prisoners down there. She'd thought this would be easy to identify this man, but now it seemed like looking for a needle in the ocean.

Where had they found all these people?! Who fed them?! And when was the last time they'd showered?!

Covering her nose, she screamed and kicked a hand that reached through the bars to grab her ankle.

"That's it!" She stopped and raised her voice, "which one of you is Harry fucking--"

“It’s me! I’m Harry Styles!”

The princess turned her head quickly to the left. In the last cell in that narrow hall was a thin black man whose face was almost hidden under his enormous beard. He cracked a wide smile, showing his yellow teeth.

That was certainly not the Harry Styles in her imagination...

“He's Mick. I’m Harry.”

She turned again, this time to her right, and her eyes lit up with a hopeful smile when she saw a young man with broad shoulders and strong arms, looking exactly the hero she'd been waiting for.

He sat in the shadow, curly brown hair falling down to his shoulders, and even in this dim light, she could make out the handsome features on his beautiful face. Hold on, this is too good to be true! said the voice inside her head. The other guy makes more sense!

As if he could read her mind, the young man popped his dimples and said, "Mick and I have been friends for two days and he’s been telling everyone his name is Harry Styles.”

“I’m Harry Styles! Hello, pretty lady!”

“He’s great, isn't he?” Harry chuckled as he got up and stepped closer to the bars to close the distance between them. “Who are you, pretty lady?”

“I-I’m the princess...the princess' maid,” she faltered, holding her satchel even tighter and very well-aware that the rosy colour of her cheeks could still be seen in this lack of light. “I came to...to give you an offer.”

Harry furrowed his brows, looking dead serious for only a second and then tossed his head back as he cracked up. “Tell Her Highness I’m flattered but His Highness is an idiot and I can’t stand a brother-in-law like that.”

“What?! You actually think you have a chance with Her Royal Highness? She said no to a prince. What made you think she would marry you?!"

“Woah, lady. Why are you so offended? Are you Her Royal Highness?” Harry pouted, reaching through the bars to tap her on the shoulder but she immediately backed away. “And she didn’t say no to the prince. The wedding’s tomorrow. Mick and I have not seen the sun in two days and even we know that. You are terrible at your job.”

Y/N crossed her arms as she rolled her eyes.

Now it was more believable that this was the man who would get her out of Isolde. Handsome, buff, but extremely annoying. She was really God's least favourite, wasn't she?

“Is that...real gold?” he gasped, pointing to the satchel on her side.

She immediately shushed him and stepped forward, their faces were only separated by the iron bars. “Yes, these are all from the princess.”

“I’m not a prostitute, lady. I have a lover waiting for me at home.”

“Ew, no! Why would a princess want to lie with someone like you?!”

“'Lie with.' This one sounds like my grandma, Mick!”

Both Mick and Harry laughed, but she didn't have more time for his bullshit. She grabbed his collar and gave a hard tug, pressing his cheek against the cold bars.

“I stole the princess' jewellery and they're after me. They're going to kill me,” she whispered, making sure that no one besides the two of them could hear her. “Now I need your help to get me out of here. I need you to take me back to Theros with you.”

“Why would you want to go to Theros?” Harry looked confused and shocked at the same time. She guessed he'd never seen a maid as aggressive and violent as she was. Neither had she. Maybe she needed to tone it down.

“I have to reunite with...someone I love,” she said, biting her lip, blushing again. She was only blushing because of the way he was holding her eye contact, but somehow making it seem like she also had a lover in the South. He couldn't have related to this person being her uncle, but now that it was a lover, maybe he'd say yes.

Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek, thinking for a moment. “Did your parents not tell you to never trust a stranger?”

“I have nothing to lose.”

“I have a lot to lose. I’m not going to die with you.”

“You’re going to die anyway. They’re going to have you hung. I heard Eg--the prince...say that to one of the guards.”

Before she could come up with a solid argument to back up her reason, Harry threw his fist against the wall, causing her and Mick to flinch at the same time.

“That bastard!” He ground his jaw.

She swallowed hard, her eyes fixated on the hole on the wall as she wondered why his hand wasn't bleeding, but then she snapped out of it and quickly pulled out the keys she'd stolen to unlock his cell. He stood there, eyes wide with shock until she waved her hand in front of his face.

“Hurry up! The guards are on their way. I knocked down two of them so--”

“You what?!”

"How did you think I got in here and stole these keys?!"

“I don't know! I haven't even thought of that yet!”

She pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing in frustration. "Listen, you...big-headed fool!"

"Oh wow, that--"

"Shh!" She covered his mouth with both hands so she could get her turn to speak. "You can either stay here and die tomorrow, probably tonight, if you’re unlucky; or you can come with me, and live! Well...you might die too, but...it's a fifty-fifty chance."

"Wow, you're really bad at this," he said when she finally removed her hands. "Fine, I'll do it. But only for the woman I love."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"And because you have puppy dog eyes."

She groaned, waving goodbye to Mick and pulling Harry with her. They left just in time the guards arrived and found two unconscious men blocking the entrance.

.

.

.

"So what's your name?"

Y/N turned a deaf ear to Harry's question as she peeked from behind a wall to check if the guards were gone. Unfortunately no. Those men were still having a relaxed conversation at the entrance while she was trapped there with a mouth that could not shut. They had only been hiding for five minutes and this man was already driving her insane with his questions.

"If you're not going to tell me, I guess I'll have to give you a name. Let me see..."

"Don't you dare give me a name!" She turned around, pointing a finger to his face and he shushed her for being too loud.

Y/N exhaled, glaring at him. She hadn't thought of a fake name yet, but the first thing that came to her mind was the first thing she wished to see again when she arrived in Theros.

"Rain."

He arched an eyebrow, amused. "Like...drops of water from the sky?"

"Yes, Dictionary."

Her sarcasm made him chuckle. It was actually the first time someone had laughed at something she said because they genuinely found it funny and not because they had to. She couldn't explain this strange feeling inside her stomach, only acknowledged its existence, and decided that she liked it very much.

The princess felt the blood rising up to her face when their eyes met for the second time. She had never interacted with a common man before, let alone a prisoner who had allegedly killed two of her father’s guards. Ironically, she felt safer now than she had ever been.

“Hey, you’re blushing again.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” The man chuckled. “You know what? I will call you Peach.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re always blushing.”

“You asked for my name and then came up with a stupid name yourself?”

Harry ignored the question as he cocked his head toward the entrance. “How do we get past those guards, Peach?”

[writerofshit]

Secret Santa:X

(This is half headcanon, half fic, all fun times and emotions)

(Shoutout to the Penthouse discord server for help on some of the gifts, would have been lost without you)

The last Christmas they have in the penthouse, Ryan brings up Secret Santa again. It’s partly a joke, partly a nod to the nostalgia that’s been eating at all of them the last few months. He brings it up when they’re all gathered in the living room, watching Gavin try and prove his stealth abilities in Hitman.

(“Just because you can be stealthy in a video game doesn’t mean I’m letting you come with me.” Jack had said at the beginning of it all.

“If I get silent assassin you have to take me!”

“This is your fourth run through!”)

Anyhow, Ryan brings it up, all nonchalant. “Remember that year we did Secret Santa?”

“No?” Jeremy says honestly.

“Before your time.” Michael says with a smile, patting him on the head.

“It was fun. We should do it again.”

(”Goddamnit!” On screen, Gavin dies again.)

The next day they have a meeting of all the ‘movers and shakers’, as Geoff has taken to calling them. He announces that Secret Santa is yet again a thing, and no, Matt, you can’t get out of it. There’s no budget, because they all have access to more money than they know what to do with.

They throw eleven names in a hat and go from there. Geoff calls first pick because he’s an asshole like that, and his choice picks next, so on and so forth.

 “Just get your shit done by Christmas, and we’ll do it then.”

--

Geoff pulls Gavin, and only panics a little.

The kid has everything he could ever want, what’s he really supposed to do? He considers what he might need, ends up crossing ‘bulletproof vest and a helmet’ off the list because it feels a little impersonal. He could do liquor of some sort, but he suspects there will be enough of that floating around on Christmas day.

He considers a camera, knows Gavin is into that kind of shit, but he’s lost a lot of knowledge in that department over the years. The only person who knows enough is Gavin himself, and that kind of defeats the point.

He ends up going for a new pair of gold shades, because the old ones are pretty worn out after six-plus years, and he’s almost positive Gavin has lost them. (Probably in Ryan’s room, but that’s neither here nor there) He gets a pair that have diamonds along the arms, and even though they’re ridiculously expensive he thinks it’s worth it.

Gavin adores them, has them on within 30 seconds of unwrapping them. He pokes himself in the eye, and that feels like a bonus to Geoff.

--

Gavin pulls Trevor, and while he plays it off at first “Oh, this will be easy, I got this person for sure!” he absolutely has no idea what to do.

 There’s a weird bit of time where he tries to get to know Trevor better. He learns absolutely nothing new, despite following the guy for almost a week.

There’s a night he lays in bed with Ryan, bitching about this whole thing. “What the hell do I do? This was terrible for me last time, why would you suggest this?”

He ends up calling Barbara from the Roosters to try and figure out something, who promptly makes fun of him for not knowing anything about the guy he’s worked with for years. She does give one bit of new information, so he goes with it.

He gives Trevor tickets to the next Motocross event, because it’s apparently something he’s into. He throws in a NASA t-shirt as a joke, a nod to the world Trevor left behind.

Both items go over well, Trevor immediately pulling the shirt on over what he’s already wearing. He won’t shut up about Motocross for the rest of the day, either.

--

Trevor pulls Ryan, which he’s immediately terrified of.

 He knows Ryan well enough to know that there won’t be any serious repercussions if he fucks it up, he won’t get gutted over a poor gift choice. But he also knows he’ll get that weird stare Ryan does when he’s pretending to consider whether or not to hurt someone. Plus he won’t live it down from the rest of the crew.

At first he goes to Gavin for help, because apparently nobody is taking the ‘secret’ part seriously. Gavin absolutely refuses to help him, mostly for the laughs. He knows Gavin’s getting a kick out of watching him squirm over this, which is so unfair. Then he asks Jack for help, who just shrugs. 

“You’re a smart guy, Trevor, you’ll figure something out.”

He does, sort of. He gives Ryan a 24 pack of diet coke (because what else?) and an actually beautiful rainbow knife. It seems pretty heavy duty, and he knows its right up his alley. He also throws in some earplugs as a joke.

 “So you can tune out Gav’s idiocy whenever you need.”

“Come on, Trevor. I’ve had years of practice at that. The knife is gorgeous though.”

--

Ryan pulls Alfredo, and he’s not too worried about it.

Alfredo’s their go-to sniper these days, and a new sniper rifle seems pretty obvious. Maybe a gift card to Ammunation or something? It does feel a little lackluster, even to him, so he brings it up to Gavin one night, while Gav is still debating t-shirts from Amazon.

“That’s a bit boring, isn’t it?”

“You’re buying a NASA shirt for an ex-aerospace engineer. I’m gonna need you to rethink your stance on this one.”

“Nah. You gotta do something better for Fredo, he deserves it.”

Which. alright, then what the fuck is he supposed to do? He gets his answer the next week when he sees Alfredo on a motorcycle for the first time.

“I’m going to teach you how to actually ride that thing.” Which is good, a chance to catch up and hang out. Bad, because Ryan’s method of teaching is ‘learn by doing’ and does in fact result in shouting.

Ryan still gives him the sniper rifle, which he is far more excited about.

--

Alfredo pulls Fiona, and it’s the first time he marginally regrets joining the crew.

He’s got no fucking idea what she’d like, what gift she’d appreciate and not hit him over. He tries to be casual about asking around, hoping someone might have better insight. The rest of the crew catches on immediately, and they flood him with false information.

“She loves chocolate. Favorite Halloween candy, in fact!” Michael tells him, but the grin he has says otherwise.

“She mentioned something about wanting to learn a new language.” Jack says seriously.

“Get her an English to French dictionary, she’ll love it.” Gavin tacks on.

“French, yep. She definitely wants to learn that one.”

Lindsay is the only one who actually helps him. “She’s been known to enjoy a drink or two.”

By sheer luck he happens to walk into one of the thousand arguments Fiona has with Michael over the whole ‘Halloween candy’ debacle, and he knows immediately that's a bad route to go down.

He ends up making a gift basket full of liquor mini’s and various candies. He makes sure not to include any chocolates, and throws some extra blowpops in, just to be safe.

Thankfully, she does appreciate the thought he put in, and she says she’ll only share with Alfredo since everyone else is an asshole.

--

Fiona pulls Lindsay, and it’s not hard to figure out what she’ll like.

 She considers something chaotic, the two of them wreaking havoc on the city together. It makes sense. She also thinks about organizing a ‘girls day’, getting all the ladies of the crew together to go out and fuck some shit up. There’s a lot of logistics involved in that one, including convincing some of them to be out in the field like that.

It crosses her mind to bring Lindsay to a shelter to play with cats, because if there’s one thing Lindsay likes more than chaos, it’s cats. That’s also a bit of a logistical nightmare, not to mention the strength it would take to pry her away.

In the end she goes with cat merch. It’s a basket full of goodies, including a mug with a cat holding a bi-pride flag, a dress with various cartoon cats on it, and a cat necklace that has her birthstone as the body.

It’s beautiful, and Lindsay just about cries. She too, immediately changes into her new clothing, and she drinks everything out of the mug for at least a month.

--

Lindsay pulls Matt, and at first she panics.

She knows him fairly well, but like... He’s a real weirdo, what’s she supposed to do with that? She wonders what games he could use, if there’s anything he hasn’t bought himself.

Her confusion lasts until she mentions it to Michael. (Only after he let it slip who he’d picked.)

“Are you fucking kidding me? Matt’s the easiest goddamn one!”

“Bullshit! Name one thing you know about M.att B.ragg!”

“He eats like shit! Give him a box of donuts and he’ll lose his fuckin mind.”

Her response of  “Oh my god.” is barely heard.

She spends a week trying out different recipes, much to Ryan’s delight. He’s happy to play taste-tester while she finds the perfect flavor combination.

She winds up going with a double chocolate espresso concoction. Matt is, of course, super stoked about his cupcakes, and damn near has to fight Ryan off to protect them.

--

Matt pulls Jeremy, which is pretty much a slam dunk.

Whiskey is the obvious choice, one he’ll absolutely go with, thank you very much. Who said taking the easy way out never got you anywhere?

And it would have, if it weren’t for Geoff.

There’s a debate that happens about a week before Christmas, something about the necessity of going to the liquor store. Michael and Jeremy are firmly pro-trip, and Geoff just wants them to “stay home and do some goddamn work. Besides, it’s not like half of you guys aren’t buying each other liquor anyway. In a week I’m sure we’ll be fully stocked.”

Which, alright. Fuck Matt then, huh? He’d genuinely thought it was a good idea, a mix of thoughtful and practical.

He decides to pair the whiskey with- well, it’s kind of a joke gift, but at least he won’t be accused of only buying liquor.

He commissions a customized cowboy hat. Half purple half orange, split right down the middle. There’s a neon yellow buckle on it, and it’s the ugliest thing Matt has ever seen in his life.

Jeremy loves it though, thinks it’s goddamn perfect. He wears it for the rest of the day, and for the next heist.

(Michael is less enthused.)

--

Jeremy pulls Michael, and that-

That’s harder than it should be.

He and Michael have been doing this... Whatever the fuck it is for over six months now, and they haven’t goddamn talked about. Not really. They’ve had moments,sure, here and there when they’re both drunk and thinking far too much about it. Reminding each other that they’re happy, that this is a good time, wouldn’t change it for the world-

But there’s still nights they sleep alone and they don’t talk about why. They still don’t really mention it to anyone else, even if they all know. Jeremy still doesn’t know how to answer when someone asks what the deal is with him and Michael.

So it’s hard, right, to come up with a relationship- appropriate gift. Too jokey and he’ll feel bad. Too serious isn’t their style at all. Plus like… how’s he supposed to do that in front of everybody? Just because they know there’s something there doesn’t mean they need to put on a show.

He settles on the obvious, nice bottle of tequila and a couple of shot glasses. It’s not exactly personal, but it’s good enough to show the room.

Later, in a quiet moment they can steal away, Jeremy offers to take him out the next night.

“We’ll do the bar thing, just you and me. My treat.”

“Oh yeah? You’re buying my drinks all night?” Michael asks him with a sly grin.

“I uh- I’ll get your drinks for as long as you’ll have me.” and it doesn’t come out exactly right, but they both know what he means by it.

Earns him a smile and a sweet kiss, and that alone is worth it.

--

Michael pulls Jack, and he runs through a few options.

He considers buying her furniture, because he knows she'll need it when they all finally do move out. But Jack has a good head on her shoulders and probably already has that shit on lock.

He looks into custom shelving, for all the knick knacks she's collected over the years. He could get it designed in colors she'd like and shell out extra for lighting and all that shit. But she doesn't have a new place yet, as far as he knows, so that's kind of a bust.

He could give her what amounts to a gift certificate, an offer to pay for whatever she wants made, but that seems kind of… Empty?

There's the age old alcohol gift, but that's been done before, and is probably being done by almost everyone else.

He mentions to Lindsay how weirdly difficult it is to buy something for Jack, get’s zero advice but somehow helps her figure out the whole Matt mystery.

In the end he decides to help her out and piss her off, a little bit of a win-win kinda thing. He buys her a couple of new shirts, bold and flowery and almost as bad as Jeremy’s Rimmy Tim shtick. He hates them but he knows she loves them, so it’s worth it.

He tells her it’s because her old shirts gotta be falling out of fashion, an opinion she is not happy about.

But it’s fine, because he also gets her tickets to fucking Disney World, of all places. He even offers to go with her, which she absolutely takes him up on.

It’s more fun than he expects, and it’s a really good chance to actually spend some time with her. He hadn’t realized it had been so long.

--

Jack pulls Geoff, which.

It’s no secret that Geoff is a sentimental bastard when it comes to the crew. It’s exactly why he’d spent months talking to her about the possibility of selling the penthouse, trying to figure out exactly how everyone would react, trying to figure out how he would react to not having them all so close anymore. She spent countless nights listening to him wonder what it meant that he wanted his own space.

Objectively, he was probably a bad person but his love and fierce loyalty to the crew made up for that, in some ways, right? So how can he kick them out, how can he do this to them, he’s being selfish-

And she had just explained to him that he had to do what was right for him. That it was understandable. That he was right, they could all use the opportunity to be a little more independent. She was looking forward to having her own space, and in time the rest of them would too.

So when she pulls Geoff’s name, she knows she’s gotta lean into that a bit. She could get him some books, some puzzles maybe. He’d mentioned off-hand that he missed having the space for them, because the kitchen table was always covered in some sort of crew shenanigans.

She does get him those, because she knows they’ll get some use.

But the big thing is the collage.

She’s had pictures of the crew on her phone for years, dating all the way back to her and Geoff in a shitty apartment. She’s got some of Ray, curled up on the couch with a DS in his hand. Gavin and Michael wrestling one drunken night. Ryan, nodded off on the couch after a heist, face paint still on and a complete mess. Jeremy trying to teach Matt something resembling self-defense. Lindsay cuddling a stray cat she had taken in. Trevor and Alfredo in matching clothes, playing up the ‘twin’ joke that had been going around. Fiona in that bright yellow suit, modeling for her Instagram.

There’s one she gets at the last minute, gets somebody from the support team to take right before their latest heist. It’s all eleven of them, full heist get-up, masks and obnoxious fashion choices and guns tucked here and there. They’re in the boardroom, running through it one more time before they take off, and in retrospect, it’s probably the last time they’ll do that in that room.

She sets that one in the middle, surrounded by all of these moments from the last 12 years.

“For your new place, when you find it.” Jack says.

It’s beautiful, and it makes Geoff cry. It brings some sniffles from a lot of them, even if they all deny it.

Leaving the penthouse isn’t the easiest thing for any of them, but it’s the right move. After all, they’re still a family.

[very-grownup]

The Year is 2020 and I Watched Neon Genesis Evangelion for the First Time, Part 2

Episode 8.

Misato takes a bunch of teen boys out on a military rendezvous thing because she is at the point in her life where they are the only ones who think she is cool and don't judge her for her terrible lifestyle and alcoholism.

We meet a new friend, Asuka, who has red hair and is German (to contrast with Rei who has blue hair and is Japanese). She establishes her dominance by slapping teen boys and refusing to be embarrassed when the wind blows her dress over her head. She thinks Shinji sucks because he has poor self-esteem and empathy is hard and society does not have an understanding place for teen boys who manifest their issues through passive depression. She has an EVA and she loves getting in the robot because it is cool and powerful and strong. Her EVA is red which does make it objectively the coolest of the giant robots so far. She comes with her own inappropriate adult guardian named Kaji who has poor boundaries, does nothing to deter her crush on him. Kaji sabotages Misato as an authority figure by flirting with her and alluding to a sexual history. I guess it makes sense because fourteen is a prime age to begin noticing people sexually and the combination of that and the adolescent desire of the tantalizingly distant adulthood makes that one hot, relatively young teacher you have a fascinating source of fantasy.

All of the boats are named after Shakespeare plays except for the one called "Over the Rainbow". I like this.

This is the first episode where I notice Shinji is referred to as something which the subtitles have decided to call the "Third Children" so that I know these are bad subtitles that would rather be literal than good even though this is my first time watching the series!

A majestic sea pancake with teeth attacks from the water and basically all these ships are fucked and probably a lot of sailors die and Asuka gets in the robot and makes Shinji also get in the robot because she wants him to know how cool her robot is.

Asuka seems like the kind of girl who doesn't expect her peers to like her and who will pursue the approval of cool adults instead and doesn't mind not being friends with her peers as long as they fear/admire her because those are more reliable feelings than friendship.

Kaji /fucks off/ while the boat is under attack because he's not actually here to protect Asuka and these teens AND the giant robots are super disposable. Misato briefly thinks he's going to be helpful before realizing he's ditching. I feel like that's probably a lot of their dynamic - Kaji letting Misato down even though each time he shows up part of her thinks maybe he won't suck. This is probably Misato's relationship with a lot of people. There's a reason she drinks.

There's a cool underwater fight scene which is also a city destroying fight scene because the cities of the 20th century are underwater due to Incidents. They refer to the power plug and the cord Asuka's robot is attached to as the umbilical cord and hey I hate that. The only two remaining battleships get fucking jammed into the sea pancake's mouth simultaneously like hotdogs and then blow up and that's considered a win. /So many sailors are dead from this incident/.

Kaji fucking ditched to bring Shinji's dad a briefcase with some fucking space blob DNA encased in a fancy casserole dish and they refer to it as Adam and fuck you know nothing good ever comes from things named Adam. This concludes my report on Episode 8 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Episode 9 and 10 behind the cut.

Episode 9.

Asuka hates being in Japan and all her peers hate that she's in Japan. Asuka derives her self-worth from excelling at something she is used to having no competition in (piloting a giant robot) and being homesick just pushes that need harder. Shinji is upset because Asuka's aggressive and enthusiastic approach to the thing he is most frightened of makes him feel like less of a man and also less grownup. Also she has boobs and he is fourteen and girls existing is maybe as distressing as giant robots.

Someone in this episode realizes that having fourteen-year-olds pilot the giant robots is both a stupid and embarrassing decision when Shinji and Asuka's poor teamwork cause an Angel to duplicate itself which is the opposite of giant robots.

There is a lot of giant robot slapstick in this episode and it's very good and I laughed.

Kaji has stuck around to sexually harass Misato and make her workplace awful and make everyone, including Misato, not take his harassment seriously because they used to date so it's not harassment it's just falling into an old bad habit and it's depressingly realistic.

Misato is made entirely responsible for Asuka and Shinji's slapstick failure even though Asuka is supposedly Kaji's responsibility. She comes up with a very stupid plan to help them synchronize via DDR and being humiliated in front of their peers. Humiliating teens IS funny. But it also feels cruel when you consider Misato is the closest thing to an ally Shinji has. How much of Misato's poor decision making (with respect to the kids' emotional wellbeing) is a result of Misato living her best worst life and how much is the result of Misato being stressed out and doubting herself and her decisions and so much else because of Kaji's constant negging and flirtatious presence? She's already in over her head with the Shinji situation.

Shinji and Asuka are forced to live together in Misato's tiny shitty apartment and do everything together and in tandem and it's mostly a comical training montage of how much they hate each other.

There's a night when they're alone and they steal the opportunity for privacy. Asuka sleepwalks onto Shinji's futon and she still has boobs and Shinji is still 14 and he moves in to kiss her while she's asleep, until he realizes she's crying for her mother in her sleep. He removes himself from temptation, realizing that Asuka's just a fucked up kid, too. But it's a realization that comes with resentment: he wanted that fantasy of the peer who is also a sexy, confident grown up because it makes Asuka both an aspirational power fantasy figure and a sexual fantasy and if she's just a messed up kid like Shinji she can't be either.

It's sad because the whole episode encapsulates how NERV is failing these kids as well as why. Misato makes Shinji and Asuka figure out how to synchronize and work together but in a bad shitty way where they don't really understand each other because this is the military. Misato's job is to defeat the Angels and doing that efficiently and quickly takes priority over Shinji and Asuka's well-being as individuals. So, it works in the moment, but they aren't any closer to each other or understanding each other. There is no /time/ for empathy.

Their synchronized battle at the end of the episode against the duplicated monster is visually very cool and exciting and dynamic and a great sixty seconds of animation and it's clearly mostly a light gag episode to support the resources going to those sixty seconds. But that's sort of sad too, isn't it? This concludes my report on Episode 9 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Episode 10.

Okay so we started Beastars which has some really gorgeous use of colour that manages to echo the distinctive and striking style of the manga while being very much its own thing and we end the night with Madoka where tonight were time loop death pacts, so the Evangelion episode kind of got overwhelmed.

There's an Angel egg in the depths of an active volcano and Asuka's giant robot has to be put in an adorable space suit so as not to be crushed/melted by the pressure. Asuka's got a box to trap the egg in. I think they want to get the egg out of the volcano because if it hatches in the volcano it'll explode but they don't seem to have a plan for what to do with the egg if they manage to remove it from the volcano (they don't, obviously; egg hatches and has way too much mouth).

The main takeaway is that Shinji's dad is 100% ready to fucking nuke his son if it's necessary to stop the volcano from volcanoing with the Angel? I'm not actually clear on this point, but I am clear that Commander Ikari will nuke his son, possibly for many reasons.

It ends with Misato taking the kids to a hot spring because they couldn't go on their class trip to Okinawa (even though surely all the beaches are radioactive?). Surprisingly, you do not see the ladies in the hot spring, although Shinji gets a boner hearing Misato admire Asuka's breasts and skin. A penguin is the first creature to see Shinji's erect penis. This concludes my report on Episode 10 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

[sentimental-darkness]

What’s Wrong with S4? Present Day Social Commentary, that’s what!

Don’t take me wrong, I love it when a TV show is able to capitalize on some of these themes and Star VS the Forces of Evil was pretty awesome at this job in its first three seasons. But something went wrong.

Maybe it was the good reception of these themes by the audience, or passionate backlash of Magical High Commission, or love of Eclipsa’s character that went to the writers' heads in Season 4. Or maybe something else? But the point is... they had this amazing show with a magical realm (that’s quite different from our own world) and they managed to include serious issues of bigotry, pretentious history and social tensions between races. But the REAL intriguing thing was the complexity behind it all. They were never "black & white” problems. We had some monster villains and it was shown monsters could be pretty destructive, even if they don’t really mean to (Ludo’s goons and Toffee are the most obvious “civilized” examples of evil-doers but there were some minor ones as well, including wild monsters). We had Mewman queens and their magic which helps to keep people secure and safe from hostile monsters (or simply mischievous and careless ones). It is not like magic is a bad thing, it is actually pretty helpful when used for good and doesn’t need to be associated with the culture of opression and privilege. But what happens in Season 4? This fascinating complexity is gone, for the most part. Because it’s been turned into a full-on social commentary about real world (devoid of lore-specific implications and logic).

How is it different than before? What are the signs, you may ask? Well, if you want a blatant red flag, look no further than Pony Head’s “the power of love” speech (when Star struggles to defeat Mina’s armor). It’s actually a funny joke and I agree with a message that love and rainbows alone aren’t enough to defeat a bigoted militant... but you see... it’s like something LITERALLY pulled out of the real world discourse... from our present day social media activity and media outlets, right? It is a fine joke/motivating speech, yes, but it is also the result of a larger “social commentary” that haunts this unfortunate last season. It causes many problems and destroys the decent quality of the show that we used to praise so highly.

Look for yourself and see that the show (and lore) has been turned upside down just to fit the real life narrative of social struggles.

Below are all major non-shipping issues with Season 4:

There is an emphasis on idiocy of Mewmans and their view of the world but we hardly get to see anything negative about monsters. We don’t really have wild, dangerous monsters in Season 4 and whenever monsters appear on-screen, including the flashback with Solaria... they seem pretty cool and kind of like poor babies.

Generally speaking... snowflake factor. Everything about monsters and related to monsters gets turned into snowflake factor and adorable charm. Look no further than Eclipsa and Globgor. Don’t take me wrong, I LOVE THIS FAMILY, but what the heck happened with the idea of “Globgor Controversial King of Monsters”? Sure, they showed us some terrifying tapestries, the Dance of Death and mentioned he ate Shastacan (just to remain in-line with lore and previous depictions of him?) but... Globgor ends up as the biggest woobie of them all, actually. Even as a fighter... he is just an adorable puppy. Nothing controversial about him. Nothing scary. Forget about the flames or scary-looking little underlings. “Nothing wrong here, please move on”

We have the Assassins Guild and some may say they represent shady, morally ambiguous characters. But they are more like snowflakes, too. We have some impulsive monsters who were willing to yada-yada Eclipsa. But it doesn’t really matter and it is quickly forgotten about... even though it would be a perfect opportunity to show us some factions of monsters who don’t want to live under Mewman authority, even when it treats them fairly. Then you can make Globgor (as the king of monsters) an important character in the political dispute. You know, show us the complexity of the situation, that bigotry isn’t really the only problem, show us that political history of Mewni has some significance... because monsters HAVE their own history, allegiances & political roots.

Now that’s when Septarsis could play a part. Maybe a character like Seth appears (or Toffee comes back) and tries to stake their claim towards the title of “the king of monsters.” We get to see Mewman bigotry wasn’t really the only problem because the political faction from Septarsis is too proud and vengeful. In fact, the lore tells us they were the biggest obstacle to peace... not racism. Bigotry was there throughout most of Mewman history, sure, but after the Solarian war... there were queens who tried to keep good political relations with monster factions and they were friends with monster leaders. Mewman privilege was there but peace between races was possible and it wasn’t like Mewmans (or Magical High Commission) were on their way towards a monster extermination except for Solaria, she had some creepy ideas. But once the faction of Septarsis makes their move... things always get ugly and so much worse. Their meddling is the real political problem here. Conveniently enough, Septarsis is nowhere to be seen in Season 4. No Seth, no nothing. Was Septarsis nuked? I doubt it. So maybe they are preparing their next move... and will ONCE AGAIN disrupt peace on Mewni... But relax, it’ll happen after Season 4. So you won’t see it and won’t become heartbroken. “GREAT WRITING" “GREAT HAPPY ENDING” Am I right?

As I already mentioned, most monsters are treated unfairly and they are victims of Mewman privilege and bigotry (also historical revisionism), but it doesn’t mean ALL monsters are innocent snowflakes. Because Mewni is NOT real life. Mewni’s problems and movements are quite different than our white privilege and black life matters. Monsters may be monstrous, actually. Some may breathe fire. They may eat other sentient creatures (Globgor went vegetarian so what? what about other flesh eating monsters and wild monsters?). I’m not saying Mewmans are justified in oppressing monsters but wouldn’t you agree they had some legitimate reasons for doing so? If compared with our real world racists? We could see this bad side of some monsters in Season 1-3 but in Season 4, which should give us a decent pay-off and show all of Mewni united to tackle its complex issues on both sides of the conflict... we get completely whitewashed, snowflake monsters instead! Just WOW.

But that’s not the end of it. Because monsters being snowflakes and super whitewashed, never at fault for anything (or at least not explored well enough) means Mewmans need to be portrayed as extremists all of a sudden. Magical High Commission tries to get rid of Eclipsa and won’t stop (rather than slow down, be a bit more reasonable/patient and respect Star’s wishes... for the time being). Moon gets involved into the conflict just to stretch the limits even more and reveal she is the real master schemer behind all of this. Everything becomes more black and white, with Mewmans and their hatred/bigotry at center stage against all common sense... The writers are trying so hard to make the Mewman leaders super misguided in their hubris and the monsters just some adorable victims of racism, aren’t they? I don’t like it.

Forget Septarsis, forget Seth, forget all other ideas that would have been far more interesting. Let’s make Mina our final villain because we NEED her as a final villain - we already had a Septarian so it won’t do... because the show needs a strong real world statement / commentary and this is why we “NEED” this really bigoted evil Mewman who will start to oppress monsters and advocate "the final solution.” That’s their real life social narrative here, shoved down our throats and some people will love it precisely because of that which pains me despite Mewni and its lore being so vastly different than our own world.

It damages so many aspects of the show and the characters. For starters, Mina couldn't have pulled jack shit on her own. She was a “temporary threat” on the horizon but would be easily overwhelmed. The creators knew this. But she is an ideal candidate for this final racist archetype of a villain (with a racist, oppressive army of extremist Mewmans!) so let’s use all other characters to make her into one... which makes previously morally grey characters look dumb and inconsiderate, even stereotypically evil. Or cheapens some good characters (who should have known better than to trust Mina and betray her own daughter... like Moon ). Socially-ingrained bigotry and resentment don’t make you turn 100% evil and stupid. Sorry but that’s not even realistic.

Also, the Solarian conflict doesn’t exist in a vacuum so again - I think Solaria had a reason to go to war against monsters, even if she was biased, blinded and wouldn’t stop until she exterminated all of them (now THAT was her biggest flaw, see). Have you read the Magic Book of Spells? Do you realize there were attempts at peaceful negotiations with the monsters but they failed? Which is WHY she went through with the Solarian Project? But this impression of Solaria the show gave us... Just this simplistic warrior who turned villagers into genetically-modified fighters to achieve glory and eradicate monsters... because she was such an evil bigot queen... Possibly with a “Mewman race is superior because we have magic” complex... judging by her angry expression at the Grandma room... There is no nuance to her flashback and it doesn’t even feel like villagers are being invaded or in constanst state of fear. That monster is a joke and his intentions unclear. Such a snowflake, AGAIN.

Everything that could remind us about actual complexity and political nuances is being avoided. No interesting plots for: Eclipsa/her mother, Eclipsa/Globgor within their family walls, a conflict between Globgor and Toffee for the title of the king of monsters, Globgor’s feud with Shastacan and how/why he ate the guy, when/how Eclipsa and Globgor were crystallized and what was the exact political context at the time, the original Great Monster Massacre and the real history behind the initial Mewman/Monster conflict. Also, yeah. Literally no Septarsis. It’s been increasingly foreshadowed, like it’s coming, and they introduced Seth in the Book of Spells, but nope. Let’s pretend it is no longer an active threat.

Magic needs to be destroyed because magic (and military advantage/Mewman privilege it creates) is the root of all problems. Those who enjoy the benefits of magic (and their privilege associated with it) are stupid, lazy and pretentious fucks. That tavern is full of social outcasts who hate magic (=privilege) so they’ve run away to be free from it. Just... no words... Do I even need to continue?

But here comes one of the most amusing things... Reflectacorp and Pony Head try to manipulate Mewni (both monsters and Mewmans!) into obedience with distraction and nonsensical drama... so I guess that’s OK because it’s a “solution” to bigotry and political discourse, right? Can you see HOW WRONG and real life REAL is this vile message? At some point, I thought Reflectacorp’s media influence and Pony Head’s megalomania are going to turn them into final villains of the series... so we have a silly social threat of corrupt conglomerate that monsters and Mewmans (and Eclipsa herself!) need to overcome together... which would be actually more interesting than Mina, to be honest... but not really. I guess they are just genuine anti-bigotry combatants then? A fake TV show and social media propaganda can get the job done, right?.

See what I mean? Privilege, social tension and bigotry are complex territory, not black vs white showdown. Bigots vs non-bigots. Good old days vs new better days. Absolutely not, and if we stay within the lore of Star vs the Forces of Evil... Mina is only so extreme because she is banana. Some Septarians act so extreme because they want power and dominance. Everything else is supposed to remain in-between (and largely correlated by a current political climate OR nature of some monsters, uniquely lore-specific). Common ground needs to be found consciously over the years or, alternatively, if people and monsters unite against a common outside threat but not magical threat (a threat like Septarsis, for example). But they turned it upside down and created a shit show. Just to turn it into a real life social commentary... heck, they even went with the whole “make Mewni great again!” with Mina. Now this is so disgusting. I hate it when a fictional world that is unique, complex and fascinating on its own terms... gets reduced to THIS.

Dear viewer, in case you have any doubts something went wrong with Season 4... HERE, have an image of Globgor:

Funny that this is how the Monsters depicted his victory and his armies (not Mewmans). The show included this specific art as the “Victory Over Spiderbites”  during the Spiderbites’ visit (because it was already so famous?) but... that’s it. We don’t get to see THAT side of Globgor. Or any monster (at least not in Season 4). God forbid we see THAT “monstrous” side of Monsters in Season 4. God forbid we see monsters as something more ambiguous than victims of racist bigotry! It would ruin our perfect “real world” anti-racist message... so God forbid we give *justice* to ambiguity and complexity from our previous seasons!

Also, please don’t try to tell me it’s a Disney show and they tried to make it “kid-friendly” or easy enough to understand for kids. That abuse of Meteora revealed in Season 3 was pretty... intense and shocking. So yeah, the show is able to handle darker and scarier themes. Interesting that they chose to downplay such themes in their final season...

[uas-fics]

Title: The Paramour Offer

Summary: “There is no love in a political marriage, Stan. So, what do you say? Be my paramour.”  That's the offer made to him by his king and best friend's wife. It's an offer Stan wants to except so badly, but he can't betray Kyle like that. No matter what lies her majesty says about Kyle having lovers of his own.

Rating: T

Ships: Stenny, K2, Jyle, Kydi

Content Warning: Adultery, loveless marriage

Other: Technically this was part of Stenny-Week, but I didn't finish it in time. Also, the fact that mistress does not have a proper male version annoys me to no end since paramour doesn’t have the same...vibe as a mistress...but I digress

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

~~~~

The breeze came as a welcome relief to the blistering summer heat. It rustled the leaves, shaking the shadows as the horses and their riders rode through the forest. Stan reached up and wiped his brow. The weather of the Human lands was hot and terrible. How the inhabitants withstood it, he will never know.

He glanced over his shoulder. The queen was not bothered in the least by the heat, though that shouldn't come as much of a surprise. These were her homelands, after all. She was used to the awful weather.

The light glinted off her golden hair as she rode, back straight and confidently. It was a wonder she didn't take the lead from Stan. She knew these woods far better than he did. She could have left the main traveling party on her own and been perfectly fine. That might have been her plan, in the beginning, had Kyle not told her she had to bring an armed guard with her if she wished to travel off the main road, or he wouldn't allow it.

Feeling his eyes on her, she flashed a smile.

Stan snapped his head forward again, feeling the tips of his ears warm with embarrassment. The queen seemed too friendly with everyone, but with Stan in particular. He'd brought the issue up with his majesty a few times, but Kyle always shrugged him off and told him not to worry about it.

"That's just how she is. It is better having her as a friend than an enemy, after all," Kyle had wistfully told him.

The clopping of horse hooves stole Stan's attention to his side. The queen rode up next to him.

"So, how do they compare?" She asked.

"'Compare'?" He echoed.

The queen gestured to the trees. "The forests. How do they compare to the Elven Forests?"

Stan looked around. Of course, the forests here were not nearly as magnificent as back home. The trees didn't tower overhead and block out the sky completely. Their roots didn't dig down deep into the rich earth and their trunks didn't grow wide as ten men standing shoulder to shoulder. In comparison, Human forests were just plain and dull.

"They're nice."  

The queen tilted her head a moment. "Really. I think they're boring compared to yours — I suppose I should say ours, shouldn't I?" She chuckled into her gloved hand. "It's still so strange not to be considered solely a Human ruler."

Stan pointed to his ears as he spoke. "You aren't Human, though. If anything, you have more of a claim to our throne than theirs."

The queen mulled over that then shrugged. "What is a half-orc - half-elf than a Human anyway?"

Stan could not argue with that. Instead, he changed the topic. "So, the wedding we're heading towards. Are Human ceremonies all that different from Elven ones?"

"Less dancing and glass smashing, but more food and drunk relatives. Other than that, they're pretty much the same."

Stan nearly pointed out that a lot of the traditions that happened at her wedding to Kyle were distinct to High Elves like the Broflovski family, and not to all Elves but decided not to bother.

She let out a dreamy sigh. "I've been waiting for this wedding to happen for so, so long!" She continued. "Craig and Tweek are soulmates. I'm so very excited for them and can't wait to give them my congratulations!"

"I see," Stan responded before clicking to his horse to trot a few paces ahead of the queen. "If you are so excited, why not stay with King Kyle. It would be a lot faster if we had traveled in a large group instead of just to two of us."

"Are you implying you do not enjoy my company, Stan?" The queen put her hand to her mouth in shock. "I'll have you know even after my poor course of actions during the war, I am still quite beloved by the country people." She snorted, urging her horse to keep up with Stan's. "If I want to take the long way and stop by some villages and speak with the common folk and hear their woes, I have every right."

"Of course, your majesty," Stan replied automatically. He knew from his years as Kyle's bodyguard it was sometimes better to just agree with the ramblings of royalty.

"Besides," she went on as if he hadn't spoken, "we are two days away from the main traveling party. It's not as if we were sorely missed when we were away."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm sure his majesty missed you greatly, my queen. I see how much he adores you."

"I...I'm sure he has." The queen's face fell for a fraction of a second before she perked up again with a smirk on her face. "Who wouldn't? I am the most lovely creature in all the lands." She threw her hair over her shoulder. "Don't you agree?"

Only half to pacify her, Stan nodded. A laugh escaped her lips and she continued talking, though Stan only half listened.

He took a moment to eye her over. He couldn't say she wasn't unattractive: long, gold hair tied back in a braid, bright blue eyes, a neatly trimmed beard, a face that wasn't the extreme of too sharp like King Kyle or too round like the Wizard King's. She was lean, but not overly so, with a slight waist and palpable aura of grace and elegance.

By both Human and Elven standards, she was beautiful.

Before she could catch him staring at her a second time, Stan turned his thoughts and eyes back to the path before them. If they hurried, they could make it to the next village before the sun set.

After another hour of travel, the queen forced her horse to a sharp stop.

"Do you smell that?" She sniffed.

Worry saturated her voice.

"Smell what?" Stan sniffed the air. He smelled the sweat of their mounts and the distant burning of fires but nothing to concern himself with.

Her mouth fell into a line. "I smell blood."

"What?" Stan gasped. "How? I don't smell a thing."

The Queen carefully urged her horse forward, past Stan. "Orc." She pointed to her nose then sniffed again, "It's a lot of blood, too. A slaughter."

"Maybe the village got word of our coming and is preparing a feast? Perhaps the blood is from livestock?" Stan offered. The last villages they had visited did the same the moment they heard that a queen was in their presence.

The queen shook her head. She said no more. Instead, she slid from her mount, then took the bow from her back and readied an arrow.

Stan's stomach twisted as he pulled his sword from its sheath. The queen had instincts he never truly understood, but after fighting with her and against her in the war, he knew well it was best to trust her.

He jumped off his horse before taking the reins and tying it to a nearby branch. The Queen patted her horse on the muzzle, her eyes flashing purple, as she told it to stay put.

The two crept forward down the road; their bodies tense. The woods had gone deadly quiet. The birds no longer chirped nor an insect buzzed. Not even the light breeze stirred the trees.

The heavy silence sent goose flesh across Stan's skin. The queen was right. Only fear drove forest creatures to such quietness.

Suddenly, a scream pierced the silence. Without wasting a second, the two dashed forward.

Around a bend in the road, they came across a gruesome sight. Blood seeped into the earth. The corpses of at least five Humans laid piled into a haphazard heap. In the middle of the village square, a cage had been set up made of branches and fraying rope. The cage itself looked feeble. Even one of the children cowering inside could easily destroy it, and if not for the hobgoblins keeping guard outside, one of them probably would have. the rest of the hobgoblins ran in and out of homes, carrying away food, blankets, and other valuables.

Stan moved to attack, but the queen held up her hand to his chest. She raised a gloved finger and pointed forward.

A large creature stood, barking orders to the hobgoblins. Thick, matted fur covered its body. Its paws were large and clawed, like a bear, with an upturned pig-like snout on its ugly face. It stood upright, like a man, on its hooved feet.

"What is that?" Stan whispered.

"An ugly son of a bitch," The queen answered, eyes narrowing. "’Man-bear-pig.’ That's what they call it in these woods, but you would probably know it better as a 'bugbear'."

"A bugbear?" Stan took a breath.

Oh, he'd heard of bugbears. They were goblins of the Human lands, bloodthirsty and wild creatures who kidnapped children and destroyed villages. This one lived right up to its kin's reputation.

The queen raised her bow. "If I can hit its head or heart, I can kill it."

Stan nodded, readying his blade. The queen's aim was not one to be doubted, but even if they defeated the bugbear that easily, they still had all the hobgoblins to deal with next.

The queen began to mutter under her breath. Magic sparkled at the tip of the arrow. The moment she let loose the arrow, the tip burst into flames.

The arrow shot forward, digging deep into the bugbear's shoulder. It let out an ugly cry of pain. Its claws slapped at both the flames and the arrow.

Without wasting a heartbeat, Stan rushed forward, his sword raised. With a cry, he slashed down at the bugbear.

The bugbear roared, grabbing his blade between his thickly padded paws. Stan glowered at it before thrusting his foot forward into the monster's belly.

The bugbear stumbled back, blood oozed from its shoulder and its paws. The air stunk of burnt hair.

The queen ran from her cover, bow already firing at the lesser goblins. One of her arrows hit one straight through the eye. A burst of rainbow colored magic expanded from the arrow. The magic wrapped around two nearby hobgoblins and pulled them all into a tight squeeze until the sickening ‘snap’ of neck bones came could be heard. The magic dissipated and three hobgoblins slumped into a dead heap.

Seeing their comrades fall dead, the other hobgoblins froze. They exchange quick looks before turning heel and dashing into the forest.

"I suppose some goblins do have brains in their heads." The queen scoffed, darting past Stan and the bugbear to the cage.

The bugbear let out a low, rumbling growl, turning to attack the queen when Stan slashed forward. His blade bit into its side.

The bugbear turned back its full attention to Stan, swiping forward with its sharpen claws. Stan danced away as the monster came at him. It dove forward. Stan lept to the side, but he wasn't quick enough.

A strangled cry escaped his lips as the bugbear dug its teeth into the flesh of his calf. Gritting through the pain, Stan raised his sword to attack. The bugbear shook his head suddenly to the side then threw out its arm. It smacked the blade from Stan's hands.

The blade hit the ground and skidded over to the queen. She looked up from the cage, and fear crossed her features.

"Stan!" She cried out, but Stan didn't dare waste any energy responding to her.

The bugbear grunted as its teeth sunk deeper and deeper into the muscle. Stan hit against its thick skull with his fist and tried to pull away, but the bugbear was too strong.

He pulled his free leg back enough to be able to kick the creature in the side of the head, but the attempt did nothing but anger the bugbear more.

"Let him go, you disgustingly shitty wretch!" The queen's voice echoed around the village with both rage and authority. Before either the bugbear or Stan could respond, the queen hurled herself forward, blade in hand.

With a cry of rage, she pierced the sword straight into the bugbear's chest. The monster roared out in pain, finally releasing Stan's leg.

Stan scrambled away, thankful of the adrenaline to do so. An inHuman snarl came from the queen's lips as she twisted the blade in before forcing it deeper. Bones cracked and blood dripped from the bugbear's mouth and out its snout. It heaved and sputtered with unseeing eyes bulging from its head before it stiffened up and lay limp and lifeless.

The queen spat on its matted fur. "Pathetic creature. I'll have to convince Eric to do something about these backward when I get to the castle."

Stan opened his mouth to thank her, but instead, a gasp came out. He clenched his bitten leg between shaking hands.

"Stan!" the queen gasped, falling to her knees. "Oh, by the gods!" Her hands hovered over him unsure. After a few heartbeats, she swung her head up and yelled to the villagers, "Is one of you a doctor? A healer? Please! He's hurt!"

The sound of hurried footsteps neared them. Someone hovered close. They said something, but the pain made it impossible for Stan to focus. Gentle hands took his hands from his wound. He tried to put them back, but the hands held firm.

The tingle of healing magic flitted across his skin and the pain began to wane.

"Stan? Stan, how are you feeling?" He heard the queen ask.

He groaned in reply.

"Good. Rest now. I promise it'll be alright."

Stan did not argue with that order.

~~~~~~

His leg still ached when he woke, but the pain dulled down to an unpleasant thudding in time with his heartbeat. His head was fuzzy with the after effects of mediocre healing magic. He let out a loud moan and rolled his head to the side. A thick blanket covered him as he laid on a cot.

He wanted to push the blanket off and check his wound, but his limbs felt like lead, and he was so, so comfortable under it.

Just as he drifted back off, the door opened and a beautiful woman came in. She looked, but he couldn't quite remember who she was. A few flirtatious remarks drifted up, but they were so jumbled together, he couldn't pick one away to say to her. She just was so pretty.

"Can I kiss you?" he muttered, eyes dropping back down, the woman heard him and gasped a little. She said something, stroking his hair from his face, but Stan had already fallen back asleep.

~~~

"You won't be able to travel for another day," the healer told Stan with a frown the next afternoon. "I'll lend you a staff to walk with, but riding is out of the question until tomorrow."

Stan groaned, stretching out his bandaged calf. Of all the towns he could have gotten hurt in, it had to be the one where the magical healer had only a year and a half experience at his craft. Stan had much worse wounds magically healed in half the time during the war.

"Where is her majesty?" Stan took the staff and hauled himself up. He choked down a gasp of pain. The healer held their hands out, but Stan waved them away. "I'm fine. Where is she? I'm her guard. It's my job to keep her safe."

The healer frowned. "Outside, last I saw. She was speaking — somehow — with a crow to deliver a message. The children are very interested in her."

"She is a very interesting person," Stan said more to himself than the healer. The crow must have to been sent alert Kyle what happened and that they would arrive later than expected.

Stan took only a few steps outside the healer's home to find the queen sitting in a small patch of grass with a ground of young children gathered around her. Some women sat nearby, half keeping an eye on the children and half talking amongst themselves.

The queen weaved some flowers into a crown while a gaggle of little girls circled behind her attempting to fix a messy braid.

"There we go," the queen set the crown on a child's head. The child let out a cry of excitement and burst out of the crowd towards a woman with an infant on her knee. A few more broke off from the crowd to follow the first child.

"If you bring me more flowers, I'll make anyone else who wants a crown too." the queen smiled at the children.

"I'll get some!"

"Me, too! Me too!"

Four children turned on their heels and darted away to fetch some flowers, much to the amusement of the onlooking women.

With a gap in the crowd, Stan stepped forward.

"Your majesty? Is all well?" He asked. All the children turned to him with wide eyes.

"Wooow, he's the guy who helped kill the man-bear-pig!" one whispered.

"He's an elf! A real-life elf! Lookit, his ears!" Said another.

The queen clapped her hands. "Children, may I introduce the captain of the royal guard, a friend of wolves and badgers, slayer of ogres and bugbears, and a mighty hero of the war, Stanley Marshwalker."

Stan had a feeling she introduced him so extravagantly to draw some of the attention away from herself.

One child darted forward, tugging on Stan's shirt. "Lean down! Lean down! I wanna touch your ears!"

Another grabbed his pant leg. "Can I see your sword? Where is it? I wanna use it! I wanna be a hero."

Soon, it seemed as if the queen became the least interesting person in the whole village as all the children gathered around Stan. The women laughed but did not rush to Stan's aid. The queen rolled her wrist in a 'go-on' gesture.

"Distract them." She mouthed, eyes darting towards the town square, where the rest of the village was still cleaning up after the events of yesterday. The bugbear along with its fallen had been piled atop a stack of wood. The monsters head, however, had been cut off and a thick stick stabbed through its neck. The village would leave it somewhere as a deterrent to other bugbears.

A pang of pity hit his chest. He'd seen villages ravaged by war where children wore hopeless faces, unable to forget the horrors that they'd seen.

"Um, alright," Stan stooped down, still holding tight to the staff, then pushed his hair back behind his ears. "You may look, but don't--"

A flurry of small hands grabbed hold of his pointed ears and yanked him to his knees.

"Wow! Woooow! They're so pointy! Pointy point!" Someone bent back the point of his left ear.

"Do you hear better than people do? Hello! Helloooo! Mr. Elf can you hear me?!" A child shouted right into his eardrum.

"Can you move them like my puppy does?" yet another pinched his ear lobe and tugged on it.

"Oh, no, no, no!" The queen jumped to her feet. She as well as the women peeled the children away from Stan, leaving him dazed on the ground and clenching the staff with white knuckles. He would have rather fought the hobgoblins than deal with that ever again.

The queen bent forward. "Stan? Are you alright."

"What?" He reached up to rub the ear that had been shouted in. "Give me a minute."

The adults scolded the children as the ability to hear returned to him. Most of them did not look all that apologetic. Several were pulling at the tops of their ears instead of listening. He took deep breaths, then stood, careful to keep his weight off the bad leg.

"Sorry," the queen whispered. "I should have known they would do that."

"No, it's fine. I was just surprised is all," Stan whispered back. He took another breath, stepping forward. He said over the din, "I'm guessing none of you have seen an elf?"

The children spun around, instantly moving their attention from the adults back to Stan.

"No! Never!" said one.

"I saw one once," claimed another.

"That was just a weird shaped tree, and you know it!" a third accused.

Stan breathed a laugh and shook his head. "If someone finds me a chair to sit on, I can tell you all about us."

Soon enough, Stan settled down into a rickety chair, thankful to be off his injured leg. About that time, the children who ran off to find flowers returned with their arms full of blooms and leaves. The queen sat off to the side, continuing to weave flower crowns as Stan started taking questions.

Thankfully, all of them were silly questions that proved none of these children had been more than two miles outside of their home village and nothing outrageous.

"Can Elves only eat vegetables?"

"Some do, but we don't have to."

"Is it true you can talk to trees?"

"I can't, but I know some priests who do."

"Can you move your ears? Do you hear better?"

"Only a little, and, yes, I can hear noises from farther away than you could."

"Do all Elves use magic?"

"Do all Humans?"

The answer to that final question sent a wave of understanding across the children's faces. They began to murmur amongst themselves.

The queen chuckled into her hand then sent him a smile that made his stomach flip. Moving to hide his ears behind his hair, he turned his attention back to the crowd. At this point, some of the older children had taken a break from helping the adults to stand at the edges of the crowd.

One whispered to another, and the grin of pure mischief that only teenagers can manage crossed her face.

"I have a question." The teen asked, snorting, "Do, uh, heh-heh, do Elf men have the same, ah, stuff as Human men? You know, uh, down — down there?"

At this point, she and her friend doubled over, leaning against each other for support. Several of the adults shouted the teens' names reprimandingly as the younger children exchanged confused expressions.

Stan's ears twitched in embarrassment, escaping from behind his hair, and showed off how pink they were. He scrambled to find an answer that wouldn't offend the adults or tip off the children to what the question meant.

"Well, of course, everything is the same," The queen quipped, holding up her final flower crown. "How would there be half-elves like myself otherwise?" She set the crown on a toddler’s head to adjust it. "Though it was my mother who was the elf, not my father, but the principle is the same."

Stan sighed with relief. The growing crowd of adults taking lunch settled down as the two teenagers who asked the question where led away for a talking to. Neither one seemed all that apologetic.

Another teen, this one wearing a surly expression, pushed closer, then loudly, and rudely, asked, "You're half-orc, aren't you? My mom says that's why you did what you did during the war because orcs are power thirsty and ugly. Mom says that you're a half-orc, and daughter of a runaway Elf queen. Is that true? Is that why you stole the relic during the war?"

The queen flinched back but quickly recomposed herself with a simple, disapproving frown. The adults and teenagers in the crowd gasped, several shouting apologies to the queen for the teen's behavior. An adult gripped the teen's arm in a white-knuckled grasp.

"Young man! These two saved our lives, show some respect!" The adult snapped, glancing warily at the queen.  "Farther more--"

"I have a question for you, young sir," the queen cut in, speaking in a tone so overly polite and sweet, that Stan shuddered.

The surly teen shrugged off the adult holding him and stood with his arms crossed, waiting for her question.

The queen stood, brushing off her skirts, then carefully picked her way through the children. As she neared, the teen's bravery wavered and he sunk back into himself ever so slightly.

With a pleasant smile, the queen crouched down just enough that she and the teen were looking at each other in the eye.

"Do you know what the saying Ni ukhould noav ukpeak abouav whaav ni doeuk noav know, leukav avrolluk ukaveal hiuk aveeavh means in common tongue?" She reached up and pinched his cheek. "It's a mouthful, I know, but it roughly translates 'One should not speak about what one does not know, lest trolls steal his teeth.'"

The queen flashed a wicked smile, her eyes flaring purple with magic. She squeezed his cheek tight between her fingers once then stood up straight. The teen's stumbled back, holding his face, looking terrified.

"Many people did many things during the war they are not proud of; I am no exception," She announced. "But if your mother so wishes it, I'd be willing to explain to her, in full detail, the corrupting effects of centuries-old tainted magic. Though I will admit now, they are less than pleasant."

A woman a few steps from the teen cringed and shirked back behind another woman, who looked at her with disapproval — the surly teen's mother, no doubt.

Folding her hands in front of her, the queen requested Stan to escort her back to the healer's home.

"I'm a bit tired from all that weaving," she explained, waiting for Stan to stand up and follow her back. The adults went right to scolding the teen as the children whined about the queen and her Elf guard leaving them. The queen did not pay them any mind.

~~~~~~

The healer's house had three rooms, two of which were divided into two smaller rooms. The front room held the hearth and was where the healer did their work, the other was a  large storeroom for their magic and medical supplies, as well as their food stores, and the third was divided into individual bedrooms.

The queen's room was the larger of the two with a big goose down mattress sitting atop of cot. the queen herself sat down on the mattress, staring out the window into the town square to watch the crowd she had amassed dissolve.

Stan leaned against his staff, chewing his lip. Should he say something? That final question stung her. It was well known amongst the nobility to never speak of the queen's Orc heritage nor her mother's abandonment of the kingdom.

He wished the royal bard, Jimmy, had come with them. Jimmy could make Kyle laugh until he had a belly ache. He would be perfect for helping the queen’s mood, but Jimmy always stayed with Kyle on trips, just in case some foreign dignitary or custom caused Kyle’ anger to flare and their king needed to cool his head before he did something regrettable.

Stan was alone in this endeavor.

He took a breath. "Your majesty, may I ask you a question?"

"If you fucking have to," The queen grumbled, dropping her royal dignity to swear.

"That spell you used yesterday, to light the arrow, where did you learn it?" He sat next to her on the mattress. She blinked and looked up, surprised that the question wasn't about what had happened outside.

"Oh, that? A simple fire starter spell." She explained. "Heidi taught it to me."

This was a positive topic Stan could use to lift the queen's spirits. Heidi Turner was a Human sorceress that the queen brought with her to the Elf Kingdom upon her marriage to Kyle. She spoke very highly of the magic user, praising her as the best in all of Zaron.

"She's very impressive. Didn't you say she trained under The Wizard King?" Stan planted his staff between his feet and leaned against it.

The queen chuckled. "That's exactly why I took her with me. It made Eric so pissed, I was sure he was going to push me off the top of the castle barracks."

Stan furrowed his brow but snorted a laugh anyway. "Really? Was she that special to him?"

"Special is an understatement. I think he wanted to marry her, but," the queen shrugged, "Eric is a douchebag, no offense to His Majesty, King Douchebag, of course. Once she started to surpass him in skill, he got so enraged about it, he actively tried to sabotage her studies. I couldn't have such a bright light go out, after all--and the look on his face when I told him I had Heidi studying with the best Elven magic users was priceless! He looked so red like he hadn't taken a dump in a year!"

"You took her with you just to spite him?" Stan chuckled. "How do you think The wizard king will react to when you tell him that Heidi and Kyle are working closely on a magical project?"

Stan didn't know much about Kyle and Heidi's project, except that it involved the mixing of Human magical tradition and Elven, but he did know that the two had become very good friends since the project began.

More than once, Kyle had sent Stan from his guard post outside the royal library to fetch an obscure ingredient for their experiments, only to come back to find them joyfully sharing a chuckle.

"I don't think I've ever met a Human as smart and funny as she is," Kyle told Stan once with a deep fondness in his voice.

In his mind's eye, Stan could almost see the Wizard King explode knowing that his ex-lover and his hated rival king were such good friends.

He smiled at the queen, expecting her to be smiling at her own mental image, but instead, her face deadpanned and she looked down at her hands.

"Yes. I'm sure he will not be pleased in the lease," She said slowly, "at how close Heidi and Kyle are."

Shutting her eyes, she told Stan to leave her be for the time being. Guilt gnawed at his stomach but Stan did as he was told.

At the door, he paused a moment to say, "You're a wonderful queen, your majesty, regardless where you come from."

~~~~~

Later that evening, Stan lay on the cot in his room, a bowl of stew nearly finished in his lap. According to the healer, he should be able to ride by tomorrow morning. If they didn't take any unneeded stops, the queen and he could easily make it to the castle in Kupa Keep before nightfall.

A knocking came from the door before the queen poked her head in.

"Your majesty, is everything all right?" Stan straightened up in his bed.

"Well, yes, but also, no." She wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and crept in, shutting the door behind her. "I have a request."

"Anything," Stan replied, trying not to focus on her chamise's low neckline. Without her corset on, he could see a little more than he felt comfortable with. As he banished any less-than-noble thoughts from his mind, the queen took a seat on the stool next to the bed.

"May I sleep with you tonight?"

Stan nearly choked on his meal. He coughed, beating his chest for a minute, then turned a wide-eyed stare at the queen.

"Excuse me?"

"You see, this room does not have a window, while mine does. Some teenagers kept coming to spy on me all last night, and as tempting as it is to blast magic right in those little shithead's faces, I would rather not give anyone any more reason to dislike me than they already seem to," she explained.

Stan gritted his teeth, looking around. "Where is my sword. I'll teach them how rude that is."

The queen put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down. "No need for that. Just let me stay here with you in your room."

Stan pressed his lips into a line but nodded regardless. He made a move to leave the cot for the floor, but the queen shook her head.

"No, no, I can bring my own bedding in."

A half hour later, the queen sat down on her own cot that she set up parallel to Stan's.  

Stan asked, "Are you sure you don't want one of these blankets?"

"I'm fine," The queen reassured.

"Of course, you're majesty." Stan bent himself in a half bow from his bed.

The queen frowned at him. "You can call me by my name. I know you call Kyle by his."

Since their shared childhood, Kyle had been Stan's best friend. Their bond was close as brothers, while Stan could only call the relationship between him and the queen friendly at best.

"Is that an order?" Stan asked.

The queen hummed. "Yes, I think it is. You have to call me 'Kenny' when we are alone together, understand?"

"As you wish, your maj — Kenny," Stan corrected.

Kenny smiled at him, her eyes twinkling. The tips of his ears heated up. Stan turned his head away from her and pretended to scratch the scalp right above the tip of his ear so she couldn't see.

She was so lovely. Kyle was a lucky, lucky Elf. Sometimes he wished Kyle had passed on the offer to marry her so Stan could have attempted to court her. He had enough noble blood in him, along with his achievements as a war veteran, to have attempted with no complaints that he was overstepping his bounds — not that it mattered at this point.

"One more request, Stan." Kenny swung her legs off the cot. "Would you mind if I removed my glamour?"

Stan furrowed his brow, turning back towards her. "You have a glamour spell on?"

Of course, Stan was no magic user, but he could usually detect basic illusionary spells well enough, especially at such short range. Perhaps Kenny's natural magical aura drowned it out, he thought.

She smiled sheepishly. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Maintaining it without thinking is second nature after all the years I've done it, but I do like to give it a rest every now and again."

"Of course you can. I don't care." Stan told her, trying to keep the curiosity out of his voice.

Kenny clasped her hands together with a grin. "Lovely. Thank you!"

The next moment, the queen changed. The hair on her arms and shoulders grew thicker and wiry, like bronze wire. Her bottom canine teeth poked out over her top lip and her muscles became more defined.

Her natural strength was so evident, that Stan couldn't help but to admire her. She might not have met the beauty standards set by Elves or Humans, but she was starting to meet all of his.

"That's better." She stretched then caught Stan's gaze on her. She cocked her head coyly to the side. "Enjoying the view?"

"Yeah," Stan replied instantly. "I mean, you look as radiant as ever. I don't see why you keep it on."

A sad smile crossed her lips. "Well, that's one person who thinks that."

"Two. His majesty must think so, too," Stan pointed out.

She barked a laugh. "Oh, no, he does not. He actually becomes quite uncomfortable when I remove my glamour around him."

Kyle was many things, but shallow enough to tell his wife to hide her true face because he didn't like it, he was not. And if he was, he would have told Stan about it.

"But he loves you." Stan shook his head. "That doesn't make sense."

"There are many kinds of love, Stan." She stood and went to stand over him. Kenny tilted her head at him, something soft in her gaze that made Stan's heart thump loudly against his ribcage. She leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"What Kyle and I have isn't the love you think it is," she whispered into his ear.

Not just Stan's ears went red this time. His whole face was the color of a fresh strawberry as the queen pulled back, but not entirely, out of his personal space. She lifted her knee onto the cot so it brushed against Stan's side.

"I don't—"

"I admire Kyle as a friend and a leader, and as far as I know, he admires me the same way, but we don't love each other, not like that. I don't think we could ever see the other in that way."

"But..." Stan puttered out, his head spinning. Before he could speak another word, Kenny placed a hand on his cheek and stroked under his eye with her thumb.

"You, on the other hand, I can see with me in many ways." She pressed her lips to his forehead as she spoke. He could feel her lower canines against his skin, and he didn't dislike it.

"There is no love in political marriages. So what do you say? Will you be my paramour?"

Stan's mouth gaped open and shut like a freshly caught trout. It was hard to breathe, and his body felt like it was melting from the heat. A heavy, guilty, enthusiastic 'yes' sat on his tongue, pushing against his teeth to get out. He swallowed it down. It tasted bittersweet.

"I...I can't," Stan stammered. "You're my best friend's wife. I can't do that to him." Stan put a firm hand on her shoulders and pushed her back. "And I can't believe you would do that to him. You took a vow!"

"Keep your voice down!" Kenny looked over her shoulder towards the door. "I'm not doing anything Kyle isn't already."

Stan narrowed his eyes. "Are you implying my king is an adulterer?"

"I'm not implying; I'm confirming." She readjusted her shawl. "He had lovers well before I was married off to him by Eric. Jimmy and Heidi, both."

Stan shook his head. Of course, he knew Kyle and Jimmy had gotten particularly close when Stan left for training when they were teenagers, and that Kyle and  Heidi spent many hours studying and comparing the magic of their two peoples, but Kyle wasn't in love with either them.

If he was, he would have told Stan for sure. He always told Stan his secrets.

"I'm going to sleep. Let’s not speak of this again." Stan laid down. He yanked the blankets out from under Kenny's knees to pull over his head. "Good night, your majesty. Sleep well."

Kenny heaved a sigh. "Not as well as we could have, my dear."

~~~~~~

AN: The Orcish Translator I used

Next update should be in a week, next Sunday.

[prevdustinhendrsn]

under that starry summer sky

lucas sinclair/max mayfield 2.9k - read on ao3 requested by anonymous from this list: 86. ‘I’ll walk you home.’

a/n: hello and welcome to my summer of ‘85 lumax one-shot, composed entirely of fluff, milkshake mustache kisses, lucas ‘holy shit max mayfield is my girlfriend’ sinclair, and my all-time favorite trope that I’ll use in every single fic until the day I die: the big ‘I love you’ revelation.

The party’s lazy day in Mike’s air-conditioned basement ends when Will, sprawled on the carpet, lets out the first yawn.

“I need to get home,” he sighs, dropping the colored pencil in his hand. Lucas eyes his sketchpad. The topmost drawing is only half-finished, but it looks suspiciously like the midsummer carnival’s Ferris wheel, bright rainbow lights and all. The carnival isn’t for another month – how does he even remember that much detail?

“Yeah, me too. Gotta feed my frogs ‘cause my mom isn’t gonna remember,” Dustin says, stretched out on the couch with an arm slung over his eyes. Across from him lies El, face screwed up in concentration as she works on the puzzle floating several feet above her face, several tissues stuck up one nostril. All the pieces are scattered in the air around the portion of puzzle that she’s completed already; she sorts through, finds, and attaches the pieces she needs all without lifting a finger. It’s unbelievable, yet here she is, forcing them all to believe.

“Do we have plans tomorrow, Mike?” Lucas asks. He’s sat at the rickety old table in the middle of the basement along with Max, who’s tipping dangerously on the back legs of her chair just to see how far she can go by balance alone, and Mike, who’s hunched over a spread of papers for D&D, pencil rapidly spinning between his fingers.

“Up to you guys,” he says absently, chewing his lip.

“Let’s go to the pool,” El suggests. Dustin groans, swinging off the couch and onto his feet.

“We’ve been to the pool like four times this week.”

“It’s a million degrees outside,” Will interjects. “We can’t not go to the pool at least four times a week. We’ll melt.”

“Grow up,” Max drawls, eyes closed. “This is normal California weather in, like, April.” Her tongue sticks out between her teeth as she concentrates on not falling over; Lucas thinks it’s adorable.

“Hey, Max?” Dustin says, his voice suddenly too sickly-sweet to mean anything good.

“Yeah?”

He crosses the room and sticks his foot under one of the suspended chair legs, promptly shoving it up and sending Max crashing to the ground. He doubles over in cackling laughter and Mike snorts as she gapes at him from the ground, sputtering out swears.

“You fucking asshole! I swear one day I’m going to throw you off the goddamn quarry –“

“It was funny!” he yells in protest, grinning wide. Max flips him off, but Lucas can see the telltale curve of a reluctant smile on her lips.

“Sorry, Max, but it was kind of funny,” Will says light-heartedly, collecting his art supplies. Lucas gets to his feet and holds out a hand to his defeated girlfriend.

“I didn’t think it was funny,” he says loyally, hauling her up. She rolls her eyes.

“Sure you didn’t. Are we leaving too?”

“Let me know if you guys want to do something tomorrow,” Mike says, his gaze still focused on his game planning.

“El, are we taking you home?” Will asks. El shakes her head.

“Hopper is picking me up later. See you tomorrow!”

After a chorus of goodbyes, the four of them are out the door. The evening is humid and clingy, just as it’s been all summer; streaks of indigo paint the orange sky, the sunset a hazy golden mirage on the horizon.

“Goddamn summer, man,” Dustin huffs as they head up to yard to the street. “Eight-thirty and it’s barely even dark.”

“I like it,” Max says, hoisting her skateboard under her arm. A fond smile crosses her face. “California summers always last forever. They’re great.”

Lucas looks over at her. Her hair blazes in the glow of the sunset, the sharp planes of her face illuminated in fire. Radiant, beautiful, always.

“See you guys tomorrow?” Will asks, pulling his bike up from the lawn.

“I’ll radio after breakfast,” Dustin says as he adjusts his walkie-talkie mic. “El wants to go swimming so that’s probably what we’ll do, knowing Mike.”

“Ten-four. Night, guys.” Lucas salutes and Dustin copies with a laugh, and then he and Will take off down the street.

Max idly spins one of the wheels on her skateboard, looking up at Lucas. “What now?”

“Whatever you want. Meg’s is still open, or I’ll walk you home?”

He always walks her home after days like these, despite the fact that she lives half a mile away and he’s just two houses down. At first she had adamantly refused, saying it wasn’t logical for him to go all that way and honestly, I can take care of myself just fine, thanks. Lucas couldn’t help but laugh. Believe me, Max, all of Hawkins knows you can take care of yourself, he had said. I just like spending time with you. Much to his delight, she relented, and each walk home – or sometimes bike-slash-skateboard ride – is a valued memory of his.

Now, though, she hesitates, eyes dropping to her shoes, and Lucas recognizes what’s going on immediately.

“Or you can stay at my house tonight, if you want,” he adds. She sighs.

“I’m sorry, Lucas, I just – it’s been bad, the last few days, and I wouldn’t ask if –“

“Max.” Lucas plants his hands on her shoulders and she wearily looks up at him, her expression somewhere between hope and reluctance. “It’s okay. I get it, dude. It’s not a problem. You know you’re always welcome at my house. My family loves you.”

She takes a deep breath, and with her nod comes a smile. “Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Lucas.”

He smiles back at her, because how can he not? “Anytime. Milkshakes?”

“Milkshakes,” she agrees.

She discards her skateboard in the Wheelers’ lawn, to be picked up on their way back, and takes Lucas’ hand. He tries not to smile too wide.

Hawkins is tranquil and undisturbed on this sticky summer night. As the sky darkens, the streetlamps flicker to life, dotting the street with patches of dim yellow halogen. The occasional rustling of trees is accompanied by the scuffle of Max’s and Lucas’ shoes on the asphalt, and with their hands swinging between them, Lucas feels a warm sense of peace drift through him.

They discuss whatever comes to mind as they walk (mostly the new video games that the arcade is getting next week) and it doesn’t take long before they get to Meg’s, the closest thing to a diner Hawkins has after Benny’s Burgers shut down. A rush of cool air greets them as they step inside, the entire restaurant lit up in neon purples and pinks. After ordering a chocolate milkshake for Max, a strawberry one for Lucas, and a large side of fries because they’re both sad suckers for the comfort food combination of both, they take a booth near the window.

“Do you think El will be able to come to school this year?” Max asks offhandedly as they wait for their food, drumming her nails on the checkered tabletop. The neon lights cast a soft purple glow over her sun-kissed face and dye her hair a bright magenta.

Lucas shrugs. “Maybe. Mike said she and Hopper have been fighting nonstop about it. Technically her safety year isn’t up until December, so…Hopper’s just looking out for her.”

Max nods, leaning back in the booth. “Why does she have to hide so much anyways? I thought the lab was closed for good.”

“There could be more labs, I guess. More experiments that would want to find her.”

“I can’t believe she’s our friend.” Max shakes her head. “She’s so cool.”

Lucas grins. Despite Max’s constant no-shits-given attitude, she really looks up to El and he can see how highly she thinks of their telekinetic friend. “Yeah, she is. I didn’t always think that, back when we first met her.”

“Really?”

He shakes his head. “I thought she was against us, sabotaging us and keeping us from finding Will. But I was way, way wrong. She’s a good person. She’s been through a lot.”

Max pulls her lip between her teeth, eyeing him. “Mike loves her.” It isn’t a question – how could it be, to anyone who has eyes?

“Well, yeah. She’s everything to him.”

Max grins, presumably at the blush Lucas can feel rising in his cheeks. “You’re such a sap, dude.” He rolls his eyes.

“You brought it up!”

She starts to say something but then their food arrives and she changes tack at warp speed. “Oh my God, that looks amazing. It smells amazing. Am I drooling? I have to be. Save me, Lucas.”

He snorts, picking up some fries at the same time that she grabs for them with some kind of freaky animalistic instinct. He watches amusedly as she crams them into her mouth, giving a moan that’s way too obscene for a diner.

“Don’t choke, man,” he says, wincing. “Don’t you want some ketchup or something? Max, seriously, when was the last time you ate –“

“’M ffn,” she mumbles in a highly protestant tone, completely incomprehensible because of the absurd amount of food in her mouth. Lucas laughs, unsure whether to stop her for her own good or just let her go.

“Here.” He tears the paper off a straw and dunks it in her milkshake, sliding it across the table to her. “Drink this before you suffocate.”

She rolls her eyes but the overall effect is diminished by her bulging chipmunk-cheeks. She finally gets a breath and takes a huge gulp of the milkshake.

“Better?”

“Those fries are the best fries I’ve ever had,” she says with a heavy sigh, gazing at the basket longingly. “I love these fries. I’d marry these fries.”

Lucas smiles, unwrapping another straw. “Date them instead, then. Who needs poor pitiful me when you’ve got potatoes?”

“Damn right,” she says with a grin, watching him take a drink of his milkshake. When he sets the glass down her expression shifts to amusement, laughter bubbling up in her voice. “You, um, you got something there.”

He already knows – he can feel the cold foam across his upper lip – but he forces himself to keep a straight face as he looks at her innocently. “Hm?”

Max’s mouth twitches, a glint in her eyes, and then before he can move she leans across the table and kisses the entire strawberry milkshake moustache right off him. All of his brain processes freeze up and he gapes at her, eyes wide as she sits back, looking extremely smug despite the slight reddening of her ears.

He’s straight up malfunctioning as a human being. “Did you – did you just –“

She nods, clearly pleased with herself. “I did. Not bad, right?”

He blinks, his fingers absently ghosting across his lips before he breaks into an incredulous grin. This girl. “That was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever seen. And pretty awesome. You’re crazy.”

She beams. “You were asking for it.” She pops another fry in her mouth, scrutinizing him, and when she finishes she says, “Kiss me again?”

Despite the sun having fully set and the clock nearing ten by the time they leave the diner, the air outside is just as sultry and hot as it was before. The streets stretch out before them, empty and quiet, trees rustling in the dark distance beyond the edges of the concrete. Max swings a plastic sack from her hand as they walk; it’s filled with more fries that she had ordered before they left. Her other hand is loosely interlaced with Lucas’.

“Do you want to go see a movie or something this weekend?” Lucas asks. “Just us?”

“D’aw, are you asking me on a date?”

“I mean, only if you want to –“

She swerves into his side, playfully nudging him with her elbow. “Yes, Stalker. I want to go to a movie. Just us. Not that I don’t enjoy doubling up with Mike and El, but…”

Lucas blows out a breath. “Yeah. Their level of PDA and a dark theater isn’t a good mix for anyone who wants to keep their popcorn down.”

“Exactly. Hey, hold this.”

She hands him the sack of fries and steps behind him. Before he can figure out what she’s doing she leaps up onto his back, arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Her whole body rumbles against him as she laughs while he staggers under the sudden weight, tipping back and forth on the street. After a second he regains his balance, squeezing her thighs against his sides.

“Shit, Max,” he laughs, starting forward again at a much slower rate. She keeps on laughing, her hair swinging back and forth and tickling his face. Something deep in his bones tugs at him then, swelling his heart with a surge of happy emotions. It’s just the two of them in the wind, carefree, and Lucas realizes the emotion that’s pressing outwards against his skin, threatening to burst through in a spectrum of light, is probably love.

Love? I love Max?

It’s the first time he’s thought it, but it doesn’t feel out of place. It feels like a truth that was there all along finally being brought back into the light where it belongs.

“Earth to Sinclair. What are you thinking about?” Max says, pushing her knee into his side to get his attention. He refocuses on the street ahead of him, brushing away his thoughts.

“Just you.”

“Typical. Everyone’s always thinking about me, Mad Max Mayfield, coolest person in town. Just out of curiosity though, not because I care, what about me?”

Making sure his pace is steady and he’s not about to trip over a rock, he risks craning his head back to look at her. Her features are relaxed, her smile soft, fondness in her eyes despite her tone.

Yeah. Probably love.

He’s screwed.

“Trying to decide just how pissed you’ll be if I dump you off my back right now.”

“You wouldn’t.”

He smiles, that warm something filling up his lungs. “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Why do we have to be so sneaky?” Max hisses as they tiptoe through Lucas’ kitchen.

“Because my parents are asleep, and if Erica sees us, she’ll never shut up,” he whispers, depositing the bag of fries on the island counter for their breakfast. He gestures back down the hall and they start making their way up the carpeted stairs.

“She doesn’t shut up. I mean I love her, but.”

“See?”

They manage to make it into Lucas’ room without running into any loud-mouthed sisters and as soon as he shuts the door, Max kicks off her shoes, drops her skateboard, and collapses on his bed with a luxurious sigh.

“I don’t wanna sound weird, but I love your bed. It’s awesome.”

He nods approvingly, pushing open the closet door. “It definitely is. Do you want your stuff?”

She started spending nights at his house earlier this spring, him on the floor and her on the bed, and they both came to an unspoken agreement that it was just easier for her to keep her essential stuff here in one of Lucas’ old backpacks in the corner of his closet. Pajamas, a toothbrush, an extra change of clothes, stuff like that.

“Not yet. Just…lay with me for a minute?” she asks quietly.

“Oh. Yeah, okay.”

He tugs off his shoes and climbs up next to her, leaving what he hopes is a respectable amount of distance between them. She rolls onto her side, back pressed against the wall below the window. Her hand reaches out to tug on his shirt.

“You can get closer than that. I’m not gonna stick my fangs in your neck.”

“Yet,” Lucas mumbles, shifting closer all the same until she tangles their legs together.

And then it’s just her and her soft breathing, her eyes that glitter in the dark and her warm presence. Everything that makes her Max, all right here with him. Sometimes it’s hard for him to believe. Max.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” she whispers.

“Anytime. I like it when you’re here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I like you.”

“That’s a relief,” she says with the smallest hint of a laugh. He smiles even though it’s too dark to see. Time slips and slides, their eyelids getting heavier and heavier with each moment.

“Max?”

“Present.”

“I’m glad I met you. I know the circumstances kind of sucked, but…”

For a moment he’s afraid he said the wrong thing – he didn’t exactly think it through – but then her fingertips press into his chest, his shoulder, searching, until they trace down his arm and fold into his hand.

“I’m glad I met you too.” She leans forward, gently pressing her lips to his. It’s warm and sweet and fills him with a kind of joy only Max seems to be able to create. A few moments pass before she pulls away, her voice slightly more tired and slurred this time. “I’m falling asleep.”

“Me too.”

She pulls their hands up to rest on the bed between their chests. “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

“Do you want me to?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

He squeezes her hand, and she squeezes back, and the sweet summer night slides by until they fall asleep side by side.

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[imagine-loki]

Monsters and Magic

TITLE: Monsters and Magic

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 62/?

AUTHOR: nekoamamori

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you’re a vampire who helps the Avengers defeat an evil seethe of other vampires, and Loki befriends you after you end up in their custody

RATING: T (again after last chapter)

NOTES/WARNINGS:  Also on AO3 click here

You saw Loki’s smirk as he tried to hold back his laughter at your plight.  He turned and led the way out to the Bifrost circle, while you protested the fact that Bucky was carrying you over his shoulder. You were too busy arguing with him to put you down that she couldn’t argue with him to stay behind.  

“Brother, you know Father dislikes Midgardians in his realm,” Thor tried to be the voice of reason while you headed outside.  He hoped Loki would listen to him for once.  Bringing Bucky didn’t seem like the best idea.   

“I could not care less about what the Allfather thinks. After all of the things he put my lady through, he does not deserve my consideration,” Loki growled softly.  “I wish for Sergeant Barnes to accompany us for my lady’s safety as well as to show my closest friend my home,” he added

Thor just sighed and gave up and headed to the bifrost circle.  “Sergeant, you may wish to put her down now.  We do not want any incidents on the Bifrost,” Thor told Bucky while he used Mjolnir to summon his Asgardian clothes. Loki’s clothes shimmered to his Asgardian armor. Bucky set you down and Loki’s magic flowed over the pair of you as well, Bucky’s battle uniform and your new uniform as well.  You couldn’t help glancing at your outfit, taking it in, and finally feeling like a proper member of the team, though it did seem strange and a touch too adorable.  Your battle costume had cat-ears on it for Pete’s sake.  You looked to Loki for approval of it, not quite remembering that he had probably helped put it together.  All you were thinking was that he liked fashion, so he’d be able to approve of it or not. 

Loki gave you a warm smile and you saw the approval… and interest… in his eyes. “You look amazing, darling,” he reassured you. 

Thor was holding Mjolnir and offered it to Loki, handle first.  “Do you need to do the honors, brother?” he asked, knowing Loki might still need to show off, or prove to himself again, that he was worthy.  

Loki grabbed Mjolnir from Thor with a nearly childlike glee. Thor went to Bucky and clapped the man on the shoulder, careful to stay on his left, on the side of his metal arm. Bucky could be touchy about skin contact.  “Travel by bifrost is an experience and as I have said,” Thor explained again, to tell the stoic soldier why he was being touched.  “We do not wish for there to be any accidents on the journey,”

Loki’s arm went around your shoulders and you wrapped your arms around his waist tightly, remembering the journey from your previous two visits.  You hid your face against his chest, knowing the rainbow lights would affect your sensitive eyes.  At least you knew what you were getting into, unlike poor Bucky.  Loki lifted Mjolnir above his head. “Heimdall, if you please,” he said, polite as ever. 

Thor smirked as the Bifrost opened around you. He knew his brother well to know he’d want to do the honors himself. You hid your face against Loki as you felt the weightlessness of floating upwards.  

You stepped into the Bifrost chamber and all greeted Heimdall politely.  Though Thor’s version of polite included hugging the gatekeeper for some reason.  At least Heimdall seemed used to this behavior from the prince. 

“That is… an experience,” Bucky said, looking a bit green.  Heimdall gave Bucky a suspicious look until Thor quickly vouched for the metal-armed soldier. Bucky recovered from the first shock quickly, just in time for the four of you to leave the Bifrost chamber to see three horses waiting for you.  “First magic, now horses?” Bucky grumbled, but swung himself into the saddle of the extra mount. “Don’t dump me, I haven’t ridden since I was a kid,” he told the horse firmly. You laughed while you reached up to take Loki’s hand.  He swung you up on the horse behind him. You wrapped your arms around his waist, grateful that this time you would ride normally and didn’t have to try to ride sidesaddle. Loki smirked at your tight grip on him, appreciating your touch and glad to have you near.  He was even more glad to have you so close to a cure.  

The trip to the palace was short on horseback, especially with galloping horses. It would have been unbelievably long on foot.  /In the healing wing, darling/ Frigga told Loki as your group dismounted.  She could feel Loki’s approach.  She had taught him his magic and could feel his presence whenever he was home and missed it terribly when he was away.  

The horses were led away and Loki turned to the rest of your group.  “Follow me,” he told you, though not unkindly.  He led you all straight to the healing wing.  Thor gave a bit of a tour to Bucky as you went, though everyone understood that Loki was on a mission to make sure you got healed.  

That didn’t stop him from going straight to Frigga and hugging her tightly.  Loki was such a mama’s boy that he couldn’t help the automatic response. Frigga hugged him as soon as he was through the healing wing’s doors and you watched the adorable scene with a fond smile.  “I have missed you, my son,” she greeted him warmly and kissed his cheek.  

She hugged Thor and received a cheek kiss from him, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be surprised when she hugged you.  You were surprised that she let Bucky brush off his manners and bow over her hand to kiss her knuckles with a “ma’am” of greeting.  

“Your Father is off world.  There was business to attend to on Alfheim,” Frigga told her sons, though most of her attention was on Loki as she addressed his concerns. “By the time he is due to return home, your lady should be through the transition,” 

Loki sighed in relief.  “This is perfect timing then,”

“It is, isn’t it?” Frigga asked too innocently, with a smirk of mischief. You also knew that she orchestrated the events that led to Odin being offworld. Even if she wouldn’t say as much.  You also caught her knowing smile at Bucky’s metal arm around your shoulders, keeping you from wandering off.  You had a habit of doing that (and fixing whatever electronic device you came across) when you got bored.  Frigga was surprised that Loki wasn’t upset that another man was touching his lady, but she also knew that Bucky was Loki’s actual friend. It warmed her heart that Loki finally had real friends. 

Frigga turned to Thor. “While your Father is off world, his duties would usually fall to me, but I will be tied up here. I need you to take them instead,” she told him.  Thor was perfectly well qualified to take the throne.  He had been training for it his entire life, but still, he hesitated.  He didn’t want the throne, not anymore, not after everything.  He sighed and finally nodded.  It was just temporary and he would do anything to help his mother, much as Loki would.  

Thor nodded and kissed her cheek again.  He clapped Loki on the shoulder. “You know where to find me if you need me,” he told his brother before he left to tend to the people and the throne, leaving Loki and Bucky to guard you. With Odin gone, they didn’t need so much security, plus Thor was an oaf in the healing wing and was better off elsewhere out of the way. 

“This way darlings,” Frigga bid the three of you.  You caught Bucky’s look of surprise that he was included among the ‘darlings’.  He was even more surprised when Frigga wrapped her arm around your shoulders instead, taking you from him with no effort.  She let you into one of the private rooms. “Wait here a moment,” she told the boys kindly, and proceeded to nearly slam the door on their noses to make sure they stayed out.   Both of them grumbled, but you were glad when Frigga spent the time you were changing into a comfortable tunic and soft black pants telling you about what the healing would actually entail: eating one of Idun’s golden apples and becoming Asgardian.  It would cure your vampirism as it rebuilt your body.  You’d be spending a day or more in the healing wing, so you were glad for the comfortable clothes.  Battle armor wouldn’t be practical.   

That done, Frigga finally let the boys in.  Loki gave you a kiss when he entered.  Frigga turned to her son and you could see she was pleased with his obvious warmth and love for you.  She turned serious again quickly, even as you hugged your Loki, nervous about the prospect of your body rebuilding itself.  “Loki, are you sure you wish to be here for this?  You know the stories as well or better than anyone.  You know it will be difficult on her to say the least. I will watch over her and ease her through it.  You do not have to be here-” it spoke to Frigga’s concern that she used his name instead of a term of endearment.  She didn’t want to make him watch you suffer through the transition.  It was hell at the best of times and she was afraid it would be worse when it was curing your vampirism at the same time.  

“I cannot leave her side, Mother.  I will not.  I do not wish for her to face this alone.  I know she wouldn’t be alone with you here, but she is my lady and I will not stand by and let her suffer without me,” he told her firmly.  

Frigga was impressed that he had stood up to her and nodded, accepting Loki’s decision.  “Very well, then,” she replied and summoned the golden apple to hand to you.  “So, darling, tell me about this party.  It must have been quite the chore to hide it from your little darling,” she bid Loki while you took the first bite. She was drawing out a light, happy, topic of conversation for while you ate the apple and until it took effect. 

Loki smirked.  “It certainly wasn’t easy,” he started the story and you stuck your tongue out at him, mock-glaring at him for teasing you about being difficult, despite the fact that it was true. He went into detail about how he managed to keep the secret and how well the party had turned out.   

“You invited your Aunt Brynhilde?” Frigga asked him, sounding excited and wanting more information on her best friend.  

“I did. I thought it only right to reconnect my love with her family,” he replied warmly and kissed the top of your head.

“Mom and Bree, my sister, are doing just fine,” you chimed in, catching what Frigga was actually asking.  “Though Bree kept annoying your sons and mom won’t stop calling him ‘little Loki’” you teased Loki warmly.  He glared at you for reminding his mother of that nickname which he thought he’d outgrown centuries ago.  

Frigga laughed.  “Well, Brynhilde has known Loki since we adopted him.  Old habits die hard, I’m sure.  You know she meant no offense, darling,” she added that part to Loki.

He smiled fondly at how happy his mother was and the old memories. “I know, Mother,”

You finished the apple and vanished the core while you all discussed the party and other goings on.  Bucky stayed awkwardly off to the side.  He wasn’t usually one for socializing.  

He looked over at you when you coughed, but he thought nothing of a simple cough.  Not until you kept coughing, clutching onto Loki to keep your feet under you as drops of blood splattered on your arm as your temperature rose quickly.  You whimpered, afraid of how quickly you were getting so sick.  

Loki swept you off your feet and placed you on the bed, cuddling you in his arms.  He was so cold and it felt so good against your quickly rising temperature.  A moment later, Frigga rushed over with a healing brew.  Bucky stayed by the door of the room, out of the way and standing guard, though he was worried too. 

Loki concentrated for a moment and let his illusion fade on his hand, letting his true form be seen and felt as he placed his blue hand against your forehead. You melted in relief as Frigga placed the healing brew in your hands.  

“Here, darling, drink this, it will help,” Frigga promised.   You drank the potion, which soothed the cough instantly as your eyes began to flutter, the potion pulling you to sleep, soothed by the position and Loki’s cold.  

“What’s going on?” Bucky demanded when you were asleep. He made his demand of Loki, he’d never be so rude to the queen. “You said you were bringing her here for a cure, this doesn’t look like a cure!” he glared and Loki and decided to save asking why the fuck his hand was blue for later.  

Loki sighed.  “This is the cure,” he replied patiently. “However, it will not be an easy process. It will cure the vampirism but also turn her into a full Asgardian. It is not without pain. Though I wish there was a way to avoid it,” he said sorrowfully as he cuddled you close while you whimpered softly. 

Bucky didn’t look entirely convinced, but he trusted Loki and Frigga.  They wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, especially not Loki.  He loved you too much.  “Should I be concerned that your hand is blue?” Bucky asked instead, his voice dryly teasing his friend.  He could tease when neither Loki nor Frigga were concerned about the blue hand.  

Loki glared in reply, snarling softly.  “I am not biologically Asgardian. I was adopted. This,” he raised up his blue hand. “Is what my real heritage looks like. I’m a Jotun, a Frost Giant,” he told Bucky, his voice icy.

“It’s rude to glare at your friend for being concerned over you, darling,” Frigga scolded gently, the automatic scolding of a mother.  Her attention was on you and how you’d mewed in your sleep when Loki removed his cold hand from your forehead.  Bucky nodded, accepting the answer.  He didn’t comment any further since the topic had clearly upset Loki.  Loki returned his blue hand to your forehead, soothing you in any way he could.  

“Unfortunately, there is not much we can do for her, but try to keep her as comfortable as possible,” Frigga added.  She turned to Loki.  “Keep an eye on that fever,” she told him.  He was their best shot at keeping your fever down so it didn’t burn you up.  

*

Hours, more healing potions, and one terrifying event with a seizure later, the exhaustion in the room was palpable.  You were finally peacefully asleep in Loki’s arms, so Bucky jumped into action.  You didn’t need care at the moment and the others needed to rest.  With old charm brushed off from the forties, he somehow managed to get Frigga to agree to lie down on the couch in the room.  She was asleep as soon as he laid a blanket over her.  He had been going to force her to get some rest, queen or not.  He looked over at Loki when his mother was taken care of.  “You should get some rest too, Odinson.  I can watch over her,” Bucky was back to a bit of formality in this strange realm and in front of Loki’s family.  Even if his mother was asleep.  

Loki looked so wary about falling asleep, but he was exhausted and you were safe.  For now.  He trusted that Bucky would be able to keep watch over the three of you. “Thank you, Bucky,” Loki could use his name for once as well.  He really did appreciate his best friend being here.  He finally closed his eyes and instantly passed out, exhausted from the hours of your healing and there was only more to come.  

Bucky stood leaning against the door.  No one was going to get past his watch. You woke briefly while the other two were asleep.  Bucky helped you sit up and placed a glass of water against your lips, helping you drink it while you were too dazed and feverish to do anything for yourself.  The fever was drying you out, so anytime you woke, they made you drink something.  You weren’t coherent when you woke and barely remembered doing so or whining at Bucky. He promised everything would be alright and laid you back down, stroking your hair out of your face. “It’ll be alright, Striga,” he promised you gently.  You were back asleep the moment your head hit the pillow.  He looked at the sleeping Loki.  “Please don’t stab me,” he mumbled as he very carefully moved the sleeping Loki’s blue hand back to your forehead.  He figured Loki would forgive Bucky for touching him in order to help you.  Loki would have too, if he’d been awake enough to notice.  Bucky sighed in relief that he’d avoided getting stabbed and resume his guard duty. 

*

They lost track of time.  The other two woke.  Maids brought food.  Bucky caught a nap.  There were more potions, more healing, more awful rebuilding of your body that none of you wanted to remember.  

“Almost over, darling,” Frigga told them after what felt like days.  They all had the same exhausted relieved look.  She turned to Loki.  “Be prepared. The worst is yet to come,” she warned him, looking worried.  Loki didn’t like her worry. Not one bit. Not when this had already been so terrible.  He turned his attention back to where you were cuddled in his arms, stealing as much of his cold as you could.  He pressed a kiss to your forehead before he replaced his hand there.  

Everything would be alright.

Everything would be alright.

No matter what the worst was.

Frigga’s words were understood a few hours later when you jolted awake, sitting up, clutching at your chest while you howled a terrible shriek of pain.  

Loki sat up next to you, fretting and clearly not having any idea how to help while you cried and shrieked and clutched at your chest, ready to rip out whatever was hurting you so much that you wailed. 

No one noticed yet that your tears were clear and no longer blood red.  That revelation would come after they got your tears, your sobs, your wailing to stop.  

You writhed in pain, squirming as nothing would relieve it.  

Loki held you in his strong arms, rubbing your back, whispering soothing words, pouring magic into you, trying anything and everything to ease whatever was paining you. 

Frigga rushed over, placing her hands on you.  They were glowing with power as she used her magic to ease the pain.  She was the strongest healer in the realm and after a minute could erase the pain where Loki had only been able to dull it slightly. 

“Her heart started beating again,” Frigga told you all as you panted, trying to catch your breath.

You had to breathe.  You had to catch your breath.  Your heart was beating.

It had worked.

By all the gods, it had actually worked.