#well i called my bf to wake him up then called him to vent but he didn't answer im assuming he went back to sleep -_-

[cockandballsnurture]

it's ignore noel day !!!!!

[elllisaaa]

loved the bf!beomgyu!!! <3 could you perhaps do bf!taehyun as well? :)

the bf!txt agenda is not doing any good for my delulu hours but here we go !!

BF!TAEHYUN who is not the most talkative, but that is the most caring and observant boyfriend ever.

for example, he knows exactly what your coffee order is, he knows what your favourite snacks are, and he knows which song from your long ass playlist on spotify is your favourite. and these are things you don't even have to tell him, just because he always has an eye on you, and because he wants you to feel like a princess. and that's how taehyun makes you feel everyday. whenever you need something, bet he would hand you his card so you can pay for it. and don't even think about paying something for yourself or the both of you when you two are going out. but that's just because he wants to treat you like the queen you are.

"oh and i left my card for you on the kitchen counter, since you're going out with your friends this afternoon. i know you will do some shopping so get yourself something nice for our date tonight angel."

even if you don't workout, taehyun will bring you to the gym with him. he doesn't need you to do anything else than be there for him. it's maybe not what some would call quality time, but it is for both of you, especially when his schedule is so packed. he steals some kisses between his sets, lets you vent to him about your annoying coworkers, and smiles everytime you take his towel to wipe the sweat from his forehead. and yes, he also loves it when you gush over his muscles and how strong he is. he's often the one praising you, and when you compliment him, he always finds a way to turn it back and fluster you. so sometimes, you make it your life mission to make him blush instead. and he lets you do so because you have him wrapped around your finger.

"you're very pretty today angel." - "but you're prettier tae, the prettiest boy in the world." - "what did i do to deserve you ?"

you know that your boyfriend sometimes struggles to talk about his emotions and feelings, and you're always here for him no matter what. but when he finally opens up to you, he's never backing up. everytime he feels bad or tired we would've kept it to himself and stayed alone before. but now, after a long day at work, all he wants is to come back home to you and hold you close to him. sometimes he needs to tell you everything that happened, and sometimes he just needs you to soothe him into your embrace. either way, he feels the most at ease, the most loved when he's close to you. in the mornings after these nights, he wakes up before you to make you breakfast as a thank you, even if you insist that he doesn't need to and that it's your job as his girlfriend. but the princess treatment never ends with taehyun, and he will never take you for granted.

"just eat angel, i did it because i wanted to and because i love you."

BF!TAEHYUN who pays for everything just so he can literally ruin you for any other men when you come back home.

because the reason he let you borrow his card to pay for your hair, your nails and your clothes, has some ulterior motives. he loves it when you're all dolled up for him, when you take up so much time to look even better than usual for him. he especially loves it when you're wearing skirts or dresses, because it gives him an easier access for when he bends you over the couch and fucks you from behind. he loves it when your makeup runs down your face because you're crying from how good he's making you feel. taehyun loves it when your hair are all tangled and messy because he's tugging on them when you're sucking on his cock. and he loves it when he sees the scratching marks your brand new nails he payed for had left on his back.

"that's it princess, cry for me. feels good ? i know it does."

taehyun is always willing to give you everything you want in bed, as long as you're good for him and doing everything he's telling you to. one of his favourite ways to torture you a little is by edging you. you can choose how he's pleasing you - his mouth, fingers or cock, whatever you want, he'll give it to you - but you have to warn him every time you're close, and he'll stop. and when he finally lets you cum, he's telling how proud of you he is, how good you are for him, and how good he's gonna fuck you as a reward. and he does fucks you good, so good you're going dumb and can only whine and cry out for him.

"my good girl, i'm gonna take care of you, hm ? gonna reward my angel."

but when you're not following his orders, or when you decide to be a brat and act out, he has no other choice but to discipline you, right ? his go to punishment is to bend you over his lap and spank you. taehyun makes you count each slap he gives you, finding it cute how red the skin of your ass gets with each new one. he loves it when you stumble over your words, moaning and crying out when he slaps your butt one more time. each time, you take your punishment so well he cannot do anything else than rewarding you with his cock, because after all, you're his princess and he just wants to give you the best. and obviously, he loves it when you're all cute and innocent, but the best moment is when you become nasty and desperate for him and he gets to lovingly degrade you.

"my pretty little slut, acting like a saint and whoring yourself out for my cock."

[festeringneondistraction]

I'm starting my new job for real tomorrow and i'm so anxious.

So after months of unemployment i finally got a job. Well its technically not a job it more like paid community service. Its called Mandy's Farm and its part of the Americorps program, I am serving as a part of the Vamos program. We provide employment services and adult skills training to developmentally disabled people between 14-25 years old. Plenty of other things but I suggest a google to get the full picture.

For context I am 19 years old and have a background in daycare and special needs students, more importantly I am AuDHD and disabled as well. I've come into this field because of a deep desire to help my people and other community members. I crave advocacy, I've always wanted to feel like i'm actually helping people, I want to be in the trenches. So far everyone is super accommodating and nice so i really don't have anything to worry about. I'm just meeting a lot of people in person who have heard a lot about me presumably and that is really anxiety provoking. What about the students? They seem super nice but im still really worried about people not liking me. Plus there are likely disabilities that I have yet to encounter that I will have to adjust to and learn about which isn't a bad thing at all that's fine. But what if I mess up?? What if I get overstimulated and shy?

This is definitely a step up the professional ladder for me which is unnatural. I was prepared to go back to Joann's or worse. I'm still super broke but I can already tell that i'm going to be so much happier. I hope I can get along with everyone, people think i'm knowledgeable which in my opinion is quite a high compliment. Weirdly enough my daycare experience already appears to be more relevant than I thought same thing with my performing arts school background. I hope there are people that I can relate to and that relate to me. Currently i'm just listening to Death cab for Cutie and a Cewpins Vod (highly recommend if you smoke at all!!) because after training I was just totally wiped and got home and did my routine.

We had to go to home depot to get a replacement toilet handle because you gotta love cheap apartments. :)

Get home (BF does the toilet because im wiped out).

Immediately do a hugeeeee afterwork dab.

Chill high as fuck for a bit.

Order food reluctantly.

Wait for than eat the food.

Try to stay up.

Fail.

Pass out in an unnatural position with lights on and everything.

Have random sex because fuck it lol.

Sleep part 2.

Wake up.

Computer at like 1:15 am

Get your stimulation of choice.

Dab again.

Get anxious then hop on tumblr to vent.

So that's pretty much it. Jacob is still asleep. He's still frustrated and depressed understandably so but the difference is that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and he cant seem to yet, I guess it feels a little closer for me... Things have been really hard lately,,, our guinea pig Boston died a few days ago.. We haven't been able to bury him yet so he's just in our freezer... Which sucks because I don't cook really so I cant use my freezer so like pretty much all my food. I would like to get some closure. He's definitely still haunting me.

My only IRL friend I live near has Covid and her whole family including her 1 year old daughter is sick.. I just got over Covid and it sucks ass. She said she got it from work but its fucking everywhere again where i'm at so who even knows.

I also cant find my goddamn wallet!! I have google pay and everything but i still need my damn wallet!! Im frustrated because this is the seccound important wallet I have not been able to to find and i cant get fucked over again. If any witches have some lost object spells or tips id genuinely appreciate it i'm pretty desperate.

I have a feeling this new job is definitely going to keep me busy, Another huge advantage is when I finish my service I get an education award that can go to past of future collage payments. I could attempt to start collage... god who knows I still cant drive I still can only manage 6th grade math. I wish that I was competent at math i never have been.

I say 6th grade roughly it could be better but it is likely even worse than i think it is. I have serve trauma relating to a math teacher I had in middle school and then highschool. It goes back even farther because you know how undiagnosed learning disabilities are. The school had to intervene because he was my only option for a math class. Long story short I ended up getting a free math credit in 8th grade where during the period id just sit in the deans office and use it as a "study hall". Listened to some great music in that "class" i was often productive but not in the ways that people wanted me to lol.

I'm debating hoping on some Khan academy or something just because i resent math so hard I need to conquer it. Plus if I'm planning on college (which I am) I want to be ready for gen eds. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my brain is scrambled i just want my ebt card bro. Im outta fooddddd. I miss money, Is it time to talk to rich art school friend?? Is that unethical?? Alan if youre reading this id appreciate whatever is possible <3 ( kidding not kiddingggg)

[angelbluediary]

Everyone has their hang ups and the things they recognize they need to work on, but what really aggravates me is when they go “i sweeeear I’m fixing it! I know it’s bad!” and then continue to do it all. the. time!! Like there is no change, no effort given, so why even say anything??

With M, it’s staying up all through the night and ruining his sleep schedule to play video games, and he’ll say without prompting (after texting me at some ungodly hour) “I’m going to fix my sleep schedule after this and before school starts” and it’s DAYS AWAY??? We’re going to have a tiring day on Thursday for HIS doctor’s appointment with ME driving for hours (and i can not deal with him being in a grumpy mood because he CHOSE not to get rest) and then immediately going from that to staying with his bf in the city and then going from THAT immediately into classes and waking up anywhere from 3–5 AM and he just expects it to be fine?

(Obviously it annoys me for all the “golden boy” comments he makes too when he’s gaming through the night and sleeping on the couch all day while I’m doing chores and running errands for our parents. And also bc he gets a major attitude when he’s tired and can’t deal well with stimulation during the day but like what are we supposed to do about that??).

And my mom with fucking temu, she always says “this is the last time I’m buying from them!” and then she keeps supporting them and buying up random garbage and getting offended when no one wants her “thoughtful gifts” and we KEEP TELLING HER temu is trash and we don’t want anything from there!!!!

And B gets soooo defensive over being asked or told to do anything around the house, or when encouraged to be more considerate or if someone points out the huge difference in how much they eat versus how much food everyone else is left with. They get so upset BECAUSE they’re aware of the way they act?? But they won’t acknowledge that, it’s just a trigger for them and obviously a source of shame because as they’ve shared with M before, they don’t want to be seen as gluttonous, but then they just keep reinforcing that perception by taking and taking without thinking of others or ever giving back?

Anyway this is yet another family vent and it makes me wonder what my annoying thing is. The thing i keep calling attention to and then falling back on. I’m probably more blind to my own faults because it’s easier to point fingers at other people but two things came to mind for me:

- in the past when I had a weed addiction and felt shameful about smoking and never wanted to be seen or have my ex know I’d smoked but still doing it anyway and getting instantly defensive if attention was called to it (though this isn’t a good example and it just makes me mad thinking about how judgmental and hypocritical he was and how i still got things done while high!)

- thinking of myself as someone who holds a lot of deep pain and suffers in silence but i actually am not silent at all and instead complain a ton. I’m very self-conscious of this. I feel entitled to that self-description when I really was alone with my thoughts and my sadness for so long, but now having proximity to even just one person who will listen to my complaints emboldens me. It’s hard to stop once i start.

[zephyrmonkey]

Can I have some Steven headcanons on how he is as a bf? I love him & im so sad

Okay! This is my first headcanon, so please be nice.

Hope you enjoy!

Steven Grant as a Boyfriend!

He will studder and take a few minutes to ask you out the first time

Once you say yes he will look like he is about to pass out

It’s honestly sooooo adorable

Cuddles! Lots of Cuddles!

If you are in his vicinity he will have one of his hands on you

He LOVES physical touch

Forehead kisses

Temple Kisses

Cheek Kisses

Calling you Love, Sweetheart, Darling, and Dear

He loves answering your questions about Egypt

“Why did they mummify their dead?" "Oh well Love it's because..." He could talk about it for HOURS!

Will try to cook you breakfast but will burn it and have to wake you up (if the fire alarm hasn’t woken you up yet)

“Ugh Darling I think we need a new frying pan” You at breakfast at the local diner that day

Dates are all out! Fancy restaurant, your favorite flowers, and chocolate

Your favorite drink will be already at the table and your favorite meal at the restaurant will already be ordered

He’ll pull out the chair for you and be a complete gentleman the whole time

Don’t want to go out to eat? Stay at home dates are just as amazing!

Favorite meal from your favorite restaurant ordered and on its way by the time you get home

Rose petals on the floor and the room is only lit up by hundreds of (electric) candles filling the room

He loves hearing about your day and will listen when you want to vent

Had a rough day at work? He somehow knows and a bath is ready for you with candles and your favorite bubble bath

Once you get out, your comfort food, drink, and movie will be ready

He will do anything  to make you happy

Honestly, the sweetest boyfriend in the world!

[desperates-fic-library]

Bakudeku Fic recs

This will be updated! This rec list will continue to grow when I find more to add to it so make sure to come back every once in a while to check!

◈ ━━━━━━ ⸙ ━━━━━━ ◈

Bluebird by Etherealbeing

Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact.

However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Landscape after cruelty by ohwickedsoul

“Bakugo, you need to update your costume.” Kirishima said, “There’s this one dude in the support class- he’s got a literal waiting list, that’s how good he is- but he did my new upgrade."

“Yeah,” Bakugo sighs and leans back on his hands, staring at the bracer. “I know. I’ll go,” his mouth twists a little. “I’ll go tomorrow. This is just- this is my design you know?” he’s not explaining himself very well, and refuses to look at Kirishima.

“It can be hard to give up your first hero design, and you did a great job,” Kirishima said. “You definitely had the best one out of all of us when we first got our costumes."

Bakugo hunched his shoulders. “I didn’t design it,” he grumbled.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Yes, They're All Safe by teaandtumblr

Villains have entered UA grounds and are disposed of just as quickly, but that doesn't mean a headcount of the students doesn't need to be done. Toshinori would admit, he wasn't quite prepared for what he found in Bakugou Katsuki's room.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

A demolition boy and his cryptid BF by kewltie

Bakugou of the Demolition Squad is famous for running one of the most popular Youtube channels on the web that regularly blow shit up and jumped off a perfectly good building for shit and giggles. He's also famous for his Cryptid BF™, never appearing on camera except for a few bodyshots and all information on him is kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox, therefore drawing all sort of attention and curiosity toward his mysterious boyfriend.

Deku from Deku Explains is a hopeless chatterbox who is known for uploading 20-30 minutes video that talked about his favorite shows and comics and have one of the most devoted following on Youtube. He also can't seem to shut up about his boyfriend Kacchan, who regularly make his presence on the channel as a disembodied voice.

They should theoretically have nothing in common except a shared platform to host their content and an army of fans with an endless curiosity and devotion to their Youtubers. Vidcon is where we lay our scene and the internet is about to get a rude wake up call.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Drop dead, gorgeous by thewunderkind

It's been eight years since Izuku last logged in. When he gets the chance to do so, he discovers that he's married to a user named Ground Zero. Apparently, the husband he's had eight years ago 「 King Explosion Murder 」 patiently waited and has somehow not divorced him. Also, for some reason said husband is now a professional player.

Or the one wherein Izuku learns about the horrors of online — not really — dating.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Get in loser, we're going racing by kornspiracy

After recovering from a brutal car crash, Midoriya drops out of college to help his mom pay the medical bills. With his history of illegal street racing, he devises a plan to win his way out of debt—all he needs is for Todoroki to steal his father's car. It was nearly foolproof.

Until a malfunction brings the local mechanic onto the scene: his old childhood best friend Katsuki Bakugou. The very same Bakugou who ghosted him for four years after confessing his love for Midoriya back in high school.

And Midoriya still doesn't know how he feels about Bakugou.

(Note: this is the only fic on this list that is unfinished but I couldn't not put it on here because of how much I loved it)

◈ ━━━━━━ ⸙ ━━━━━━ ◈

Thats it for now! Lmk what ya'll think of these fics!♡

[kara-is-a-cutie]

your bf helping you work through your trauma is honestly super romantic (i say this bc i’m doing the same thing for my bf & him for me), like to me that’s the epitome of romance

Idk if it should be called romantic. It makes it kinda play into that "I'll kiss your scars and fix you" trope that is quite unhealthy. He's helping me in the sense that I am always allowed to vent to him and discuss my issues and he just tries to be understanding, but at the end of the day I'm still the one who's gotta fix myself. It isn't really romantic, it's more just compassionate and it's something he was doing long before we were ever romantically involved.

Some things he does that I would say are romantic though is things like:

Staying on the phone with me until I'm fast asleep or until his phone dies.

That time he looked up and tried to read through the reading material I was struggling with.

Sending me little good morning voice mails when he wakes up, even if he knows damn well it's already the afternoon for me.

Hanging up pictures of me in his cubicle and talking about me to his friends (knowing I'm not his secret).

I love him and he loves me, but I don't think he is responsible for fixing me or my mental health, I am.

And anon, this is not meant to be an attack, I just know how toxic codependency can become and so I don't want it to be seen as romantic.

[binunus]

college bf!mj

a/n AH !!!! THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE ASTRO COMEBACK ???? APRIL 5TH ??? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE LOVES !! i genuinely...do not know if I will be able to survive this month bc of them. 

(also i tried to get this posted on mj’s birthday but I’m so sorry a lot of shit happened and I had a ~bad mental breakdown~ and it’s just been rough out here but that’s a story for another time if any of you lovely beings wanna know hehe)

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: mentions of cheating (in past relationships)

→ word count: 4.9k ____________________________________

KIM MYUNGJUN !!

A LIVING REINCARNATION OF THE SUN

this is gonna be so cute i just !! love him so much???

has his own apartment, but he honestly stays over all of the boys’ places so much that...he barely sleeps at his apt

major: vocal performance

his voice is literally honey

can probably sing higher than some sopranos in his major

so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him

mj just has a way of attracting people and making people comfortable around him

in short, he is – of course – the moodmaker

can turn anyone’s frown upside down

he’s down?? for like everything

an adventurous spontaneous type

has...probably failed a ged ed class once or twice before...

he’s not stupid okay! he just doesn’t really care about the classes that has no connection to his major

like will he ever apply calculus in singing? probably not

oh but professors can’t hate him, even if he just messes around during class

he’s just so kind and likeable

loves his boys aka astro

will literally do anything to make them smile, even if he’s had a rough day

as long as his boys are happy :’) he’s happy :’)

now how do you meet myungjun??

he’s in an acapella group on campus

he just has to be alright

he was the only freshman that got in during his first year

that shows how good he is :*

a tenor in the highly competitive co-ed group

spoiler alert, he convinces sanha to join, but that’s for college bf!sanha

myungjun is what me and my friends like to call: the solo whore

and it’s not bc he’s greedy for solos, he’s a real team player

his voice just happens to sound the best for most solos your group has??

you’re also in the acapella group

im not giving a voice part bc then that would put you in a binary category

so soprano, alto, tenor, baritone, bass, you pick love

anyway, you and myungjun were chosen to sing a duet for one of your competition pieces

and it was the key emotional piece so you and him had to be on your A games

you and myungjun were friends ofc, you had to be some sort of friends with everyone in your acapella group

but you never really hung out with him outside of rehearsal

well until you got this duet together

and you weren’t worried about it, mj was so fun and nice and an amazing singer, you had no doubt these extra practices with him would be a good time

and you were right! besides singing, you actually got a chance to get to know him and how goofy he really was

you’re pretty sure you always had an ab workout whenever you hung out with him bc of how much he made you laugh

about a month away from competition, you and myungjun were like best buds

literally a chaotic, iconic duo

the chemistry you two had during your duet was spectacular, your voices highlighted and bounced off each other very well

but! your leader had a little critique

“y/n, myungjun, that was great but...can you guys pretend to look...like in love? I get we’re all friends here, but if you can’t convey the emotion of the song in our performance, what’s the point? This goes for everyone, this is a song about how much you love your partner and would give them the world, we need to show that in our eyes and movements, even if you’re just singing ooh and woah for like 10 measures.”

you and myungjun decide to stay after rehearsal and practice the emotions you guess...

your leader had a point, good singing could only go so far

and for the first time, myunjun was a bit...? awkward??

you: alright so how are we gonna pretend to be madly in love with each other

he chuckles and shrugs: honestly I don’t know, look at me like I’m your boyfriend or something??

you: well, I hate my last boyfriend so that probably wouldn’t be a good idea

myungjun offering you a high-five: I hate...well I think I hate...my last partner too so at least we have that

you: how do you think you hate your last partner? are you not dating anyone right now?

he gives you a smile and like you notice it’s forced?? it’s not genuine or bright like the one he usually gives

mj: no I’m not dating anyone...my last relationship sorta traumatized me I guess. 

you: ...how did it traumatize you...? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to myungjun

mj: ah *awkward laughter* well...I was sorta going through it my senior year of high school, stress from graduating and what to do with my life and all that shit, you know? I dated this person since my freshman year and I guess my mental health got the best of me during that time and they couldn’t handle it. We were planning on staying together throughout college and do long distance but I found out in the summer before starting college that they fucked my high school best friend behind my back...when I confronted them about it, the answer they gave me was that I was too down and preoccupied with my worries to notice about my partner’s needs...pretty fucked up right?

your jaw dropped, your eyes were bulging out at his story

you: myungjun what the fuck??? what college do they go to? I’ll pull up right now and beat their asses, I don’t know scream in their face or something! That’s fucked!

he’s laughing a little: thanks y/n, but it’s alright. You know, maybe I was too caught up in my own problems that I ended up neglecting my partner’s needs...I guess that’s why I’m always just trying to be carefree and fun now.

you: that doesn’t justify the fact that what they did to you was wrong. you should have never gone through that myungjun, it’s not your fault that you were going through it mentally, your partner should have been there to support you and understand your struggles, not cheat on you with your best friend. ugh I’m pissed for you. 

mj: I appreciate it y/n, but yeah love’s sorta a hard subject for me.

you nod in understanding

mj: well! that’s my traumatic breakup story, it’s only fair you share yours

you laugh: you’re right. Well I was dating this guy right when I entered college, met him at the freshman orientation, completely hit it off. I was so in love with him, we dated for about a year. And then last semester he broke up with me out of nowhere, said he wanted to focus on school and himself and that he needed a break from dating. I found out two days later that he started dating one of his suite mates and that on the night he broke up with me, they fucked. So love? also something hard for me.

mj: aww look at us both unable to find or relate to love because of past relationship traumas.

you hit his shoulder laughing: you’re such a headass

mj: I’m kidding! anyway, I’m sorry you went through that too y/n. it sucks and your ex is a dumbass for breaking up with you. Do you still have feelings for him? w-wait, you don’t have to answer that, was that insensitive?

you: you’re fine haha. Um...well...sometimes when I overthink things at night, I do miss him and I wonder what the hell I did wrong for it to end so abruptly because I was honestly really happy with him, but then I wake up in the morning and I hate him again. 

mj: you did nothing wrong y/n...and if you need to call me at 2 am when you’re overthinking and need some badass confidence knocked into you, I will be awake.

you smile and give him a hug: thanks myungjun...you know the same goes for you too?

mj: hm??? what do you mean??

you: you don’t always have to smile around me, especially if you don’t feel like it. Don’t repress your mental health, huh? It’s bad for the soul to bottle it in. I’m not gonna force you to share your darkest fears with me, I’m just saying that if you feel drained and wanna talk about it, I’m here to listen

myungjun pouts a little bit, he’s really touched?? it’s hard for him to share his troubles with others

like as much as he loves astro and is close to them, he doesn’t share his down sides with the boys as often as he should bc he never wants to burden them

myungjun just always thought it was easier to suppress the bad feelings and put on a happy act

but he couldn’t deny the weight lifted off his shoulders after telling you about his breakup

and maybe it was because your energies were on a different level lately, but he found it so?? easy?? to just vent to you after that

until competition, the two of you worked on faking like you were in love (basically imagining that each other was your favorite actor/actress or whatever, something like that)

it was good enough for the group to believe it lol

but what about the judges and audience hmmmmm

anyway, fast forward and it’s competition day!!

myungjun introduces you to his best friends aka the boysss aka astro

they come and support him for his competition ugh we love

you’re like smiling and hyper when you meet them

...has myungjun been rubbing off on you???

you: it’s so nice to meet you all! myungun always talks so highly of you

astro: huh?? you’re lying, myungjun hyung complimenting us???

and then they start messing and friendly bickering with each other and yes they’re teasing mj

you’re laughing bc it’s so cute?? you can see in their eyes and their smiles how much they really care about each other :’)

also astro, probably jin or eunwoo, maybe rocky: we’re sorry if m hyung has driven you to insanity these past few months of rehearsing

you just laugh as myungjun hits them: myungjun’s actually been like my partner in crime lately, so we’re all good :)

*cue the boys exchanging looks with each other*

you perform ah ha ha

alright, you were so used to thinking that myungjun was...idk kim soohyun or something bc mm chef’s kiss his acting...to get into the emotion of the song

but then during the actual performance you saw him as myungjun and like all the hard work and extra practices and late night talks came in full force and you were just...singing to him

and you notice how...handsome?? and charismatic?? myungjun really is...and the little sparkle in his eyes when he’s performing like...wow

and after your set, you’re just like shit, what the fuck was that??

your group doesn’t win though, you place second!

but you and myungjun get awarded best solo/duet of the entire competition

astro: ;)

your acapella group: ;)

the judges: ;)

alright so im a firm believer that if myungjun had feelings for someone, he would straight up tell them like balls to the wall full fucking send

after competition, the routine of school comes back. you occasionally hang out with myungjun outside of rehearsal

by occasionally, I mean once a week hangout with myungjun (and astro bc they started inviting you to their dinners)

and then one night – at midnight – he calls you like out of pocket and his tone is like completely serious

you’re a bit scared?? like: myungjun...is everything okay? did something happen?

mj: y/n...can I ask you something?

you: yeah, of course

mj: do you still think about your ex?

you: o_o um...honestly no, not really...why?

mj: well, if I’m being honest. y/n, I have feelings for you. And i’m not asking you to like me back or give me an answer straight away, but I just wanted to let you know. If you don’t think about your ex anymore, and if you think you’re ready...maybe you can consider thinking of me??

mmmmm kim myungjun you slick flirty dog grrr bark bark

and you know how he can just talk, and talk fast, so you’re still in the middle of processing this and he just goes on like

“sleep on it, y/n. I’ll see you soon for rehearsal, okay? good night”

like you don’t even have a chance to respond to him bc he just hangs up the phone

you think about it, of course you think about it, you’ve been thinking about it ever since competition

having feelings for myungjun has always been in the back of your mind since then

like did you notice that when you hung out with him, your heart would flutter if he said something sweet?? or if you two were a bit too close to each other?? 100%

but you didn’t know if either of you were ready for another relationship so it’s just been put on the back burner

at the next acapella practice, you find that your cheeks just flush whenever myungjun looks your way

the rehearsal went a bit??? weird?? like even your group noticed that there was a bit of a tension between you and myungjun

but of course, he goes up and talks to you after rehearsal ended and he’s like: hey...I’m sorry if my confession made you feel weird, I didn’t mean for that at all. If you want, we can just forget about what I said and stay friends! 

you just facepalm like: myungjun you idiot, I’m acting weird because I like you too. God, you know maybe the boys are right, maybe you need to shut your mouth for a little bit

and he whines like: hey!

but then he realizes what you said and he gives you the brightest smile: you mean it?? you like me back??

and you’re like shyly smiling now: yeah...I do...but do you want to take the next step?? I mean...do you think you’re ready for another relationship??

he gets like serious and he grabs your hand: not gonna lie, I don’t think I’ll ever be fully ready after my last one...but if there’s someone I wanna try it with, it’s you.

:’) kim !!! myung !!! jun !!!

dating myungjun?? the best thing ever

the cutest boy alive honestly

he has so much cute and goofy in him already with just friends and strangers

but with you, it’s increased tenfold

even you start to act cute and goofy after dating him

petnames?? bub and bubby

myungjun is not serious about a lot of things, but he is very serious about his feelings for you and your relationship

y’all take things at your own pace and he !! values !! consent !! even if it’s just like making out

he just doesn’t wanna mess things up with you :’)

the type of boyfriend to sing you to sleep ah !!! his voice is heaven alright

will be extra about pda in front of the guys to make them grossed out

and yes you get embarrassed, but myungjun’s too cute to scold

you get used to a lot of second-hand embarrassment dating him and being friends with the boys

but it’s just so endearing, you can’t even fight it

will swing your arms together when you’re out just walking

screams he’s so cute

you don’t really fight bc communicating with each other is one of the biggest things in your relationship

like if a disagreement or a situation comes up, you two are mature enough to talk it through and work things out bc you both already been knew what it’s like to be in a relationship that didn’t have full transparency

you do jokingly bicker about small things though (like think about how astro fights)

but he always ends fights by scooping you up in a hug and showering your face with kisses

loves kissing your nose

just imagine: you and myungjun cuddling and he just kisses your nose and you scrunch up your face and he just laughs and kisses you all over and you two end up giggling

will do anything to see a smile on your face, it’s the greatest sight to him

alright we been talking too much about how cute myungjun is

he’s also a hot motherfucker alright

the most attractive when he’s singing in your opinion

you know how charismatic he is, you’ve seen it first hand during rehearsal and performances

he’s very good at hiding his horniness, especially in public

but phew when you two are in private and myungjun’s in the mood

you can tell bc his eyes just get hazy and he immediately just starts kissing your neck

a very passionate lover, will prioritize your pleasure over his

sex with myungjun can go from being sweet and sensual, to fun and playful, to hot and exciting

by that...I mean that he is down to try every kink and position you can think of

as long as both of you are okay with it ofc

he’s one of the kinkiest members in astro im convinced

blindfolds? bondage? ice cubes? wax play?

you want it? you got it

he’s not into feet though, i apologize to my foot fetish lovers

his favorite position is actually missionary

myungjun loves being able to watch you and to see how good he’s making you feel

in missionary is when he feels the most connected to you, it’s just a passionate position

and yes he’s very vocal, so you betcha he encourages you to be vocal as well

will try to mess with you in a sense where say you two are hanging out with the guys, he’ll touch you and challenge you to not make a noise

and then he’ll snicker and wink at you if you even let out a peep

he’s a tease !!! like will edge you until you’re on the brink of cumming at least 3 times

myungjun has pretty good stroke game alright

very fluid with his hips, idk he just knows all the right spots to hit

praise...kink...that’s the tweet, need I say more

he’s into hair pulling !! both ways !! 

okay hear me out...myungjun fucking you and pulling your hair until your screaming and then after you both cum, he’s like: you hit a high f earlier bub! I almost wanted to harmonize with you but–

you: myungjun are you serious!

sex with him would always just be a fun time, like he’s hot and grrr it feels so good but there’s always a bit of laughing and joking around in the process

like he will tickle you before he puts his cock in you just to see the switch of you laughing to moaning

alright but shower sex?? he’s into that

and just the acoustics of both of your sounds in the bathroom?? it’s so filthy he loves it – and it’s easy to clean up afterwards

you bet that after any performance with your group, the two of you have sex, even if it’s just a quickie in an empty practice room or whatever

no shame, will kick the boys out or announce “we’re going to fuck bye!” if you or him get too horny in the middle of a hangout

im just gonna throw this out here...you and myungjun...mile high club

(your group competed in an acapella competition and the flight there...it just happened)

all in all, myungjun just wants to make you happy and feel good and smile, even if you two just finished an intense sex session

let’s get into the deep stuff though, you are the only person myungjun is comfortable with to not show a smile all the time

even with the boys, there’s always a small part of him that wants to just push through and be optimistic just so that they won’t worry

but with you, he knows that it’s okay to be sad and to be vulnerable :’)

when myungjun cries bc he’s upset :( fuck you cry too

he loves when you just hug him and stroke his hair when he’s stressed

very showy about your relationship, not bc he’s braggy, but bc he just wants to show the world how happy you make him and that he’s in love <3

the boys are so happy to see their eldest in love :’)

they don’t show it around each other, but they’ve come up to you in private and say sweet things like

“you make myungjun hyung so happy, he always brings joy to everyone but you bring joy to him, thank you”

im !! getting !! sentimental !!

the day you found out myungjun was in love with you was the day you met his parents

‘twas a bit spontaneous

his parents came to see one of your group performances and myungjun’s like holding your hand and leading you somewhere after you get off stage and he’s like “bub! these are my parents!”

you end up getting dinner with his family and yikes you were hella nervous, you were not expecting on meeting his parents right after your performance

not gonna lie, you thought he was leading you to the car for some post-performance sex

but they adored you, his parents could see how much you meant to their son ugh I cry

anyway, the L word

as you’re finishing dinner, myungjun’s all giddy and just like

“I’m so glad you came and watched mom and dad, the timing was perfect too! I wanted to introduce you to y/n for a while now and have you meet the person I love.”

and his parents are just smiling at you and saying how they’re so happy to finally meet you and how you have an amazing voice and to take care of myungjun and you’re !!! just !!! blushing !!!

as soon as you both got in the car after saying goodbye to his parents, he’s just like: hope I didn’t surprise you too much bubby, I didn’t know my parents were coming to watch until like an hour before we went on stage

you just give him a little smile: I was a bit caught off guard, but it’s okay. Your parents are so sweet, I see where you get it from bub.

myungjun: I can tell that they love you already! well of course not as much as I do, but with time I know they’ll come pretty close

and you’re blushing again, it’s the L word: do you mean it myungjun?

myungjun: that my parents love you?? of course–

you: no, bub...that you...love me?

myungjun: yeah...unless you don’t feel the same way–

you: myungjun! no, of course I do! I just wasn’t expecting the first time to hear it was with your parents

you two are laughing, ugh this man

after your giggles subside, he leans over from the driver’s seat and he just cups your cheek and pecks your nose: I love you y/n, thank you for reminding me what love feels like

you: I love you too myungjun

and then you two are just like sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of the restaurant before starting the drive back to his place

do you and myungjun make duets together for fun and post it?? yeah probably

you are the luckiest dating myungjun, the living breathing embodiment of serotonin and love

even when you two are older and out of college, he still gives you the same affection and attention and authenticity ugh he’s just amazing

im so sorry this was late but happy belated to our happy virus <3

3-12-21

[another-dra-anew]

jasper told me “you could always just make hcs for the beta au” and now my power has gone out of control, part 3/??? aka: he requested these this time

~*~ Beta Syouri

•asmr yuri infodumps to syobai abt space

•yuri totally confessed to syobai i'm right, it's my au and i'm right

•at least. that's how they call it

•syobai is the type to go "ily bro!!" and even he doesn't know if he means it platonically or not

•so yuri was like "...well i don't mind bc i love being ur friend and i'd be happy to be ur bf if that's what u wanted"

•syobai is oddly casual abt it?? he's all "haha sure dude sounds great!!!"

•so yuri is a bit thrown off

•that is, until a few days later when syobai starts knocking at yuris door at 1 am, armed with a variety of snacks, a plethora of movies, and the intense desire to cuddle

•yuri falls asleep comfy in syobais arms, at around 7 in the morning, and doesn't wake up until 2pm, where he sees that his role with syobai has almost switched, with syobais head now on his chest, and he just kinda goes "...oh, there's the loving energy"

•it takes the class a hot sec to work out they're dating!!

•bc even before hand, shsl scaredy cat yuri was prone to clinging onto syobais hand/arm, sitting in his lap, etc etc

•it takes the observant/investigative group of kokoro, sora and nikei spending multiple days looking around at how they're acting before they realize what's going on

•not that syobai and yuri are trying to hide anything!

•yuri just. does not want the attention

•anniversaries and the lime with them is fun!!

•syobai will "convince" some rich man into giving him a boat to use for a week

•so they spend the time sailing around bc syobai is happy, and yuri never really goes on boats back home, so! it's good times all around

•syobai. constantly forgets that yuri has money too

•so yuri will get him some expensive gift and syobai is just :00000!!!!!!

•despite all his money, syobai,, doesn't really have a home?? it's just a hassle for him;;

•which means that when he does go to yuris house for the first time, and he just sees this massive house, he's really awestruck

•pov: u bring ur bf to meet ur parents for the first time and watch as he gets them drunk and gets them to give him half of the family fortune while sipping his grape juice.

•oh!! they go shopping together a lot, and yuri feels very thrown off if he doesn't watch syobai pay for 20 kids to get something to snack on, tip all of the workers at least 50%, slip money into peoples bags, etc etc

•yuri goes to sleep over at syobais dorm for the first time and syobai is h y p e d

•he immediately covers yuris eyes, and turns the lights off - the ceiling and walls are covered in glow and the dark stars. the walls have accurate constellations on them.

•syobai has immediately prepared star/moon shaped snacks. yuri almost cries

•if yuri ever has a especially rough day, syobai just goes "oh self care time??"

•he'll go all out grabbing anything and everything to make yuri feel better. in under 90 seconds, yuri is sitting down under a blanket, eyes shut as syobai cuddles him, just letting him vent abt how people are dumb and won't respect that he's uncomfy with certain things still

•they have dates that are just. using window markers to draw on every window they can find. class 80-As dormitory looks like a galaxy

•syobai: haha ur tiny so u can't fluster next by initiating kisses

yuri, abt to prove him wrong: oh?

•rich gay bfs who spend their money on each other and those around them spend all their time holding hands and comforting each other: more at 8

[6ad6ro]

um so… i woke up thinking of this old friend. she was like best friends w my bad ex? like i used to hang out w her like crazy. she was rly nice? mostly? tho she def had this issue where she didn’t rly know what she wanted in life. and let other ppls warped judgements of “how ppl should act” rub off on her.

like i remember times she would more or less call me a lazy piece of shit to my face. like it was somehow “understood”? but then i’d be like “why are u calling me that?” and she wouldn’t know. bc it wasn’t her actual opinion. she liked who i was. idk she was just rly confused. i think her brother was a cop. her dad was emotionally neglecting and like conservative or militant? i remember her always wanting to smoke pot but also saying “drugs are bad™”. she was someone who u could tell always wanted to be free but was held back by the opinions of the people around her.

especially her on again off again bf? i… didn’t like him. he wanted to grow up to be a politician. he only listened to classic rock. he looked and acted like a conservative wanabee eric foreman from that 70s show, but somehow even worse. he had her convinced that her dream was to be “a loving housewife”… it made me sick. i remember how he tried to convince her to stop hanging out w her best friend and me JUST bc she smoked pot. bc “she was an evil hippie and bad”. i mean tbh she SHOULD have stopped hanging out w my bad ex, but for completely dif reasons. like he was def that kinda guy. a selfish, immature, stubborn, self-righteous idiot. but he was the first guy to ever rly like her. and she had… self esteem issues. i remember how she would… was always waiting for him to decide to wanna go out w her. she seemed so lonely.

her and i were kinda friends separately from my bad ex (lets call her “A”). so one time i remember she ended up coming over to hang w me n watch rocky horror in my room? it was rly fun tbh!! we were having a great time! it was totally innocent! but i remember at one point she like… got weird. got up. and was like “im sorry i think i’m being a bad person i gotta go”. and left? i didn’t get it at the time? or rather… i think i denied it. she clearly liked me, wanted something to happen that night, and felt like a bad friend for having those thoughts. i never asked her about it but looking back it was p obvious. also A was a control freak n just a bad person… so i wouldn’t be surprised if she told L to stay away from me. even tho A was constantly cheating on me n using everyone around her etc. idk it was complicated.

i also remember another time before her and that guy that became her bf (lets call her “l” and him “m”)… i remember there was some small party at my house and for some horribly embarrassing reason my bad ex (we were still together then) convinced me to mess around w her under a blanket in same room as our other friends? we were all v v drunk. i guess it made others in room feel v lonely n so L and this other girl started like… both making out w the one other guy in the room? it was bizarre. that kind of stuff is fine in some circumstances? but this was rly unhealthy. i remember the guy felt bad and told the other girl he had to stop bc he had always rly liked L and wanted to see where things would go w her? other girl said she was fine w it (and knowing her persona it easily was?) and he ended up napping on floor w L. next day i think she woke up, completely regretted what happened, and ran back to M. it kinda sucked for guy bc he rly cared about her but she never even was willing to talk about what had happened. to her it was just a drunken mistake (i knew she kinda liked him back but obv she was scared).

even w all that stuff, L was a constant member of our hangout group for like… 7 or 8 years straight? idk! it was always rly fun w her! even if, looking back, A constantly was ruining all our fun w her insane bullshit. i have fond memories of 3am park hangouts n just roaming around talking n going on adventures… i’d never cheat on a partner. never have, never will. but i think i did have like… feelings for L that i always ignored? that part of her that… wanted freedom? from those weird family’s/bf’s/society’s ideals that she let chain her down? it was attractive. she was a nice person just doin her best.

anyways i remember around when A and i finally broke up for good (only a month after my dad died, if u wanna know how awful of a person A was). and she ended up taking me aside n warning me that A had been cheating on w me w another guy, but it’d gotten serious w him. and A of course was lying and stringing me along so she could get money n sex from me etc. A using me was p common. but L had had enough and “betrayed A” (did a v nice thing) and told me. i think that was… really what set in motion A and i being done for good. that helped wake me up about what a horrible person A was. and had always been. i’ll always be grateful to L for that. that must’ve been hard for her. and i think her and A’s like 10 year friendship died over that. which rly was a good thing like A was a terrible person.

anyways fast forward like 2? 3?? 4 years? L had gone off to a college out of state w her boyfriend M. she… followed him around. no judgement, but it prob wasn’t good for her. i was in an apartment in another city and me and A had been DONE™ for years. i was still def hurt from the 8+ years of abuse, but i was def over her at least. seeing other ppl regularly. it was def a weird time for me but… that’s another story.

L and i hadn’t rly talked in years. i just didn’t rly associate w ppl A still hung around. i never knew her and L had stopped being friends or i prob woulda kept up w L. i don’t think L and i cut off contact on purpose, but it was just one if those “things”. but L hit me up outta the blue. was like “ back in town do u wanna hang?” and we did! it was rly nice seeing her! we went out and about. idk. we started hanging for a bit. but she… idk she clearly rly enjoyed my company? but also… had those weird judgements. idk.

one time we were hanging and she was at my place and saw all the alcohol i had layin around and was like “hey uhhh can i have some?” and i was like “hehe okay i guess we can drink” and ordered a pizza and we just hung out.

idk but before we got drunk she finally told me why she was back. M, the guy she had followed to college, had done the gross, stereotypical dude thing of breaking up w her right after they both graduated. i got a vibe he had been cheating on her all throughout too. he rly was the type. and as we drank we talked about it. i felt so bad for her. she vented all night. and idk all i remember was we were both v drunk and i think i was… idk why my head was in her lap? but she was playing w my hair. and idk. we kissed. things happened. she seemed so happy w it! i was too. i even stupidly cracked a joke “i bet A would be rly pissed if she saw us rn” and we both laughed. i always regretted sayin it tho bc its not like i was doin it to get back at A.

but i remember we were in my bed making out bc i had accidentally gotten aggressive w her n slammed her into a wall n started kissing her? so hard her nose started bleeding? i felt awful but she LOOOVED it and idk we somehow wound up in bed. idk i kinda regret this. bc… i was having a hard time around then and… just sleeping w all my friends? it just became… clockwork. i would do what i thought my friends wanted me to do regardless of how i felt. i had become kinda a slut.

so i remember like… making out but then i started to escalate things? and i think fir a split second she sobered up and was like “wait lets cool this down a little”. and i was like “okay no prob” and we both tried to go for a walk n find a park? we walked hand in hand and she kept telling me how happy she was? like how… this was the kinda stuff M would never do with her? she was just smiling a lot. it was cute. but i was so drunk n still fairly new to area, so i took her in wrong direction from the park. we ended up giving up n just walking back.

we got back in and thats i think when she sobered up mostly but i wad still out of it? and she realised her dog hadn’t been fed. it was def a partial excuse but she rly loved that dog so i could tell it was REAL guilt. i felt bad bc i tried to take her hand n go back into my room bc i wanted her to stay n cuddle? i was just drunk. i wasn’t forceful, but i shoulda been like “oh that’s fine!” but tbh i was also a touch worried she was too drunk to drive. well anyways… she left.

later we did have a looong talk about it. like… she ended up going to try and get back with M again (i still will never know what she saw in him like he rly used her n treated her bad like even going so far as to ask her advice on dating other girls after they broke up). but idk i thought she was smart enough to end things w him, and could tell her and i had feelings, so i tried to stay a lil closer than friends? idk what i told her but it was along the lines of “we can stay friends but if things happen sometimes it’s okay w me”. i look back on it w embarrassment but i guess it wasn’t that bad a thing to say?

but rly it was mostly a drunken mistake. and she was scared. and wanted to cut it off. she couldn’t end things w M like she was still torally in love w him even tho he had abandoned her. tbh i know what that’s like. well anyways i remember a few hangouts later she just… bailed on me? in a rly mean way? i had gone to pick her up from her house (idk 30 min drive each way) and she just… totally stood me up. i was parked at her house like texting her wondering where she was? and she sent me a text like “sorry something came up”. and wouldn’t tell me what happened and i got annoyed and drove home.

i have a feeling now that like M had… shown back up in her life and she sorta… threw me away to run back to him? i mean i can’t take it too personally bc she woulda done that to ANYONE. i don’t remember what happened after that but we just stopped talking again. i saw later on fb that her and M had gotten engaged or married?? idek? idk if her and i are still fb friends or if one of us blocked the other or what? i don’t remember.

but idk. i hope she’s well. i hope M got WAYYY better. or she left him. or idk. i wouldn’t even know how to contact her. i’m almost afraid to. like bc i… could see her giving up on her dreams and just being that housewife to him. even if she was mildly content doing that, i know she’d never be happy. and it’s so unlikely that he’d have grown to be good to her. i just… hope she’s doing well and is okay and happy. idk why i woke up worrying about her. it’s been so long… i’m such a dif person now. idk. time is weird.

[inferno-loop]

It Ain’t Me: Part 10 (I)

Jungkook x Reader ft. Yoongi

Request: Can you make a fake text about how bf hears a rumor about y/n and decides to break up without even knowing the true facts

Words: 2.4 K

Genre: Angst

Part 9 | Part 10 (II)

Check out my Masterlist!

Jungkook had barely gone to sleep when his cell came to life, ringing relentlessly to wake him up. He thought about ignoring it. Sleep didn’t come to him easy these days because a perpetual movie was playing in his mind since the day he found out about his sin. It started with the first time he had met you. 

He remembered being star struck as he ran his eyes all over you unconsciously in the fated get together of mutuals where he had first met you, trying to register all your features because god you were beautiful. An ethereal creature amongst meager men. He remembered the way your lips curved slightly as you savored the taste of bourbon. He remembered the way you swallowed the bitter whiskey quietly, paying no heed to the sexist jokes of the host, although he could tell they were getting on your bad side by the way your hand tightened around the crystal of poison. Oh, yes he remembered. He remembered the way you lashed out on the host, not being able to take the male chauvinism and the general approach of men sitting in the room objectifying women and how you had openly criticized the host and his ideologies, not shying away from calling him names that some people would definitely be talking about later. You dragged his ass right through his own party because that’s how you kept your environment neat. You weeded out the negativity. 

He remembered when he had followed you right out, not caring a dime about how that would look to people, and run after you to find you waiting for a taxi with your arms crossed across your chest in anger. He had somehow mustered up the courage to ask you to stay a little longer and you had agreed upon the condition that it would not be that party. So together you had gone to the café that was right across the street, the words BEER CAFÉ splintered across the front. It started with an acceptable beer and respectable introductions, your conversation but soon it turned into tequilas and guffaws and before he could blink, the night grew into day. At that moment, he had decided. He knew that he just had to get to know you more. 

So he did. 

One date turned into many, and many dates turned into a relationship. It was a quick decision, thoughtless and one he didn’t doubt, moving close to each other. 

The beer café became a sacred place; one you would visit every weekend. He would come over at your place and stay the nights more often than not. On some days you would make love, on other days it would just be an old school but an extremely satisfying movie night in that ended in sweet promises and cuddles. He loved you, he cherished you and you did so much more for him. 

Suddenly, the movie skips time. 

It comes right to the moment when Seulgi suddenly visited his house with a picture of you sprawled across the bed, a man hovering over you and both parties quite obviously naked. The world slipped from right under his legs. This…this wasn’t true. You would never do that. Ever. But Seulgi stopped him, there were more. She emptied out her bag on his bed, with more pictures than he could count on his fingers of you in various situations, in various positions, with various men, and each time your face was twisted in pleasure. He knew those expressions. You would make them for him when he pressed sweet kisses on your neck making you moan breathlessly, when his hands explored every inch of your body, finding a new weak spot every time which he exploited shamelessly making you bite down on him. When his mouth trailed your neck down to your sweet core and he devoured you, setting your body on fire. 

When he fucked you. 

That’s how you looked and he knew that look. But it was not for him. 

His vision went white as a tear and then two fell down his cheeks. Suddenly, everything felt pointless. Him running after you, that decision to move closer, those kisses, those dates. Everything had suddenly lost meaning because you didn’t love him like he loved you. 

Time skips again. 

You message him, leave voicemails, and try to contact him after he broke up with you but he won’t answer. He can’t. He sits and listens to your voicemails, and his heart feels like it’s playing tug of war and ripping itself apart when you cry and cry, asking for just one chance. One meeting to make him believe you. But how could he? Those pictures, those motherfucking pictures, were driving him insane. He felt mad all the time, he felt contempt towards you- who had failed to love him, so the next when he met Seulgi and she confessed her love, he didn’’t think twice before kissing her hard their teeth clashing together. He knew he was fucking up. He didn’t like Seulgi. He didn’t feel like his entire existence was for this kiss, like he felt with you. It was passionless, emotionless and pointless. But he would do it. 

He would hurt you like you hurt him. 

Two weeks of trying and your voicemails stopped coming. You stopped ringing him. You stopped texting him. You stopped trying to convince him. He fell into a new routine. A lifeless, senseless routine that he doesn’t care about. He made a girlfriend that he didn’t love. But at least he was doing the right thing. He couldn’t give in to his feelings for you. 

Once again, time kicks him hard and throws him into a new cut.

The café. You sitting with Yoongi. That was all and he saw red. You had forgotten about him. You couldn’t care less that he was still breaking apart everyday, you couldn’t care that he would wipe his tears all night thinking of you. You simply didn’t care. So he walked up to you and vented out. He called you names, humiliated you and broke you apart just like you had done to him. Surely, this would help him sleep better? It would help him accept the reality of the situation, it would make him accept himself. 

But your eyes. Your eyes were unflinching as you took a hit from his words. Somewhere in his ball of fury, your gaze became fiercer, breaking through his powerful image and hitting him right in the heart. You weren’t lying. He knew it. But how could he believe. So even as you fainted, he let Yoongi take you. He wouldn’t take a step, not until he had confirmed the truth. 

Another leap in time.

You were true. Your words were true. Your intentions were true. Your love was true. And he took too long to realize that. He made too many mistakes before realizing that.  After reading the exchange between you and Seulgi, a hazy blanket of hate had been lifted from his eyes in the harshest way possible. And dare he say he deserved it. Why should you ever come back to him? What reason did he give you? He knew he had destroyed an intimate connection between the two of you by repeatedly mistrusting you and to top it all, he even dated the person who had cooked up this recipe of destruction. He knew it all too well. However, he couldn’t stop himself from trying to reconcile with you. Like a shameless brat, he still wanted everything to be okay. He wanted the dread and guilt in his heart to be replaced by the love he felt for you. He wanted the harsh blankets covering him in the night to be replaced by your soothing touch. He wanted to call you. He wanted to take you in his arms and beg for your forgiveness on his knees again and again. 

And he tried. 

He tried to call you. He tried to text you. He visited your apartment. He even called Yoongi in hopes of finding any information, but he had received a cold response. He went to your workplace and waited there for hours on end to catch a glimpse of you but you never came out. 

You never came out because you didn’t work there anymore. 

You had all but vanished. Your number was not in service anymore. You had shifted out of your apartment. You didn’t visit the Beer café anymore. You had disappeared. He didn’t give up though. He thought of contacting your colleagues but realized he didn’t know anyone’s cell number. The revelation hit him like a bucket of ice-cold water. How could he not know anything about your colleagues? What if something happened to you at work and he couldn’t get in touch with you? Who would he call? Was he even in the position to blame Seulgi for anything when he didn’t even know something as simple as this? 

Each time he came to this conclusion, it connected to the beginning and the movie began all over again. Sleep was a luxury that he could not afford. His conscience wouldn’t let him get away with what he had put you through. 

That’s why when the phone rang incessantly, he was double minded about answering it. However, he turned around and brought it to his ear without paying attention to the called ID. 

“Hello?” He answered, unintentionally letting his tiredness seep into his voice. 

“We need to talk.” 

A jolt of electricity passed down his spine and his tiredness completely abandoned him. He immediately sat up straight, his senses on edge. He clutched his phone tighter in his hands and brought it closer to his ear to the point that he was sure there were going to be imprints on his skin. 

“___? ___, I’m so sorry-“ He began but your voice cut him sternly. 

“Jungkook. Look, I just need to talk to you, okay? Just tell me this, can I meet you right now?” 

Jungkook replied faster than a hurricane’s wind. “Yes. Yes, of course. Where do you want to meet me?” 

“At your house, if you’re okay with that of course.” 

He knew that he should have expected it but he couldn’t stop the dull pain growing his chest at the unfamiliarity you were expressing. You were cold and distant, like you were a stranger to his house. Like you hadn’t come there as much as he’d come to your old apartment. 

“Yes…” His voice slightly cracked and he cringed at the sound. He took a deep breath and steadied his voice. “Of course, you are welcome here anytime. You know it.” He said. He knew he was pushing his luck, pretending like nothing so bad had happened that it would stop you from coming over but it was all he could do. He couldn’t fathom you feeling like a stranger in house. 

There were a few seconds of silence on your part before you curtly replied. “Alright. I’ll see you in 30 minutes.” You hung up.

Jungkook removed the phone from his ears to look at it and despite your cold response, he couldn’t help the smile that was creeping up on his face. He kept the phone on his bed and hurried to clean his house before you arrived because it looked like a mess and he was sure it smelled worse. Oh god, he had to take a bath too. 

As he hurriedly moved around his house, cleaning up the mess all he could of was your call. You had called him. That meant something right? This had to be a chance. 

What else could it be?

Jungkook was ready. Thirty minutes had already passed since you had hung up and his house was as neat as it could be. The bed sheets were neatly plastered on the bed with minimal creases. The glass door facing the city was spotless and glistening with the orbs of lights emitting from the skyscrapers.  The wine was ready in cabinet but he daren’t take it out yet. He didn’t want to seem too at ease with the situation, which he really wasn’t, but if it came to that, he was ready to please you with some of your favorite wine. Double-checking everything for the 20th time, he nervously looked at the clock. 9:30 pm. You should be here anytime. 

As if it was a rehearsed play, his doorbell came to life. His heart almost leapt right out of his chest but he steadied himself speed walked to his front door, opening it with more haste than he intended, to find you standing in a black dress and a thin overcoat clearly not meant for the kind of chilly winds gracing the city from past few nights. You were paler than he remembered and slightly thinner.  You were frowning, and your lips were in pursed in a tight line. You cleared your throat, clearly unnerved by his shameless ogling but he couldn’t help himself, you looked as beautiful as the first day he had seen you. Just as ethereal. 

“May I come in?” You finally spoke up. 

The formality in your words cut through his heart like a knife. He swallowed, forced a smile on his face and that the feeling in his heart, the feeling that everything was going to go wrong was untrue. 

He took a deep breath and brightened the smile on his face. 

“Yes. Please come in.” 

To be continued…

Much love,

Inferno-loop

[stars-open-among-the-lilies]

A few years ago I stumbled upon a post written by someone who claimed she had been a friend of Layne that also happened to have a crush on him. It’s probably – almost certainly – a fake, but at the time it really struck me and inspired me to write a piece from the POV of this girl named Koa. I still have to translate my fanfiction but, in the meantime, I’ll put her original message under a “read more”, so I can link this to my writing and have this on my blog for me to read every once in a while. If anybody wants to read it: it’s long and there are a few passages that can annoy people who adore Demri or Jerry, so you’ve been advised.  I know that in my heart I just really hope this is somewhat true, that Layne could experience some kind of closure with an individual who didn’t want to exploit him... that’s all.

“First of all, please forgive my anonymity. I was anonymous when I knew Layne and there were lots of reasons for that. I don't know why I chose here, maybe I need to vent or maybe I just want to share a little bit of the truth as I perceived it. (Doubtlessly there are some people who were there at these times and knew things differently. It's the nature of things and I think that this is dictated by how we feel about certain people.)

I knew Layne circa '94 - '99, Demri circa '96 right before she died. I see a lot of conjecture and guessing about the nature of these relationships and it’s bugged me for years. I’m not jumping on this now just because our wonderful Layne is gone as much as because of the conjecture.

Back in '93 - early '94 Layne was seeing this dipshit model who did more harm to him than good. She was wicked to him but Layne was being a dumb kid and he just wanted to date a model, he said to himself when it was over. She wasn’t making a lot of money back then, but she did manage to get a lot of his. She had talked him into putting a lot of big purchases in her name. They broke up around spring - summer '94, or maybe even earlier. It was hard to tell because as many times as he said it was over, she was still going around town telling everyone that they had gotten married.

Layne later said that Demri wasn’t too bothered by this, but I didn’t know her then. Actually I was bothered by it though. ;) I was only then getting to know Layne and I liked him a lot. I was jealous of the model dipshit and I hated her. *sigh*

When they cancelled the '94 tour it was because Layne was afraid. He really freaked out over Kurt a few months before that. He’d had a close call and he didn’t think that he’d be able to stay clean on the road with that lifestyle. At the time, Jerry was very understanding and more than supportive to Layne. They were less like brothers than like a weird married couple. I’m not saying they were gay, lol! But they just often acted like a married couple.

Jerry was REALLY different back then. He loved Layne more than anything, I think even more than Courtney sometimes (Courtney as you all know was Jerry’s on - off gf.) At least, Layne came first. I think Jerry really was sincere, too, at least back then.

I’m not totally sure when that started to change. When they began the KISS tour, Layne had been clean for a (relatively) long time, but I remember he was very scared to leave. He didn’t seem to want to do it because he had a bad feeling about it. He fretted and fretted. One of his friends told him that he’d had an image of Layne trapped in an airplane as it filled with smoke (what a thing to say!) and Layne almost backed out then, but the others talked him into it. He had someone call a psychic for him to make sure that he would be okay.

Layne was okay until the last night of the tour. Personally, I have no idea exactly what happened, but I got a lot of stories. Layne was always really quiet about it. One of his more moronic friends told me that he had actually died, but what little I did get from Layne told me this wasn’t true. He always kept saying that he had “slipped”. Most of what everyone heard then was nonsense. I know he did get an infection because of his very, very stupid way of not looking after things. He became sort of ashamed and let it go longer than he should have. That’s where all the “gangrene” rumors started. He went into rehab after that. Then there was some stuff with his mother that I just can’t share here. Suffice to say that she got the wrong ideas about some things, Layne was hurt by her assumptions and they parted ways for a while.

I understand that Jerry started doing cocaine again around this time. Mind, I never knew him entirely well and I never saw him do it, but it’s what people were saying. Layne was trying to quit EVERYthing at this time (he even attempted quitting smoking) and Sean was still bringing pot around everytime they would get together. Jerry started to stay away from Layne though.

By '96 or so, Jerry was fed up with Layne’s fear of touring. Layne had admitted that he was mostly finished with show business. From then on, he said, he just wanted to do art and make music for his friends. Jerry loved the rock star lifestyle and didn’t want to give it up and he was pissed at Layne. But he never said so outright. Jerry would make these stupid, hazily spiteful remarks like “we’re standing by Layne” and “I love him anyway”. Who wants to be loved “anyway”? And the thing was that Layne was really bouncing back at this time. In spite of all the rumors he WAS clean. He was getting more and more into one of his favorite hobbies too, which was anime (which he helped get me into. Thank you again, Layne. :D ) His anime of choice back then was Vampire Princess Miyu.

Late '96, Demri started backsliding and this was around when I finally met her. Now whether or not Layne ever knew just how much I liked him, I don’t know, but Demri knew. We got along at first. Demri was sweet and helpful and fun. Then she moved in with Layne because she had nowhere else to go. They weren’t dating at the time, just sharing the apartment. Layne had told her that if she started using drugs again he’d have to make her leave. But Demri did start using drugs again, and instead of asking her to leave, because then she would really be in trouble, Layne took a hike. I don’t know where he went though, and even the people who he rented from thought he was still living there. He just didn’t tell anyone that he was leaving.

Demri made a mess of the house and the living situation in Layne’s absence. She turned really different, and believe me when I say that she was not truly the person that she was becoming. When she was herself she was a very sensitive and fun girl. Around October 20th or so she made some phone calls and wrote some letters to some people. Sparing the details, I ended up having a stupid fight with her about Layne. I was somewhat envious of her because Layne always seemed to forgive her each time, and there is something TO that, but at the same time I felt I was right; she was making a mess of things and she was in big trouble. She said something to me, I said something back, and that was it. When I spoke to Layne I was pissed off and crying, and told him what was going on at the house, but he pretty much already knew. That’s when he came back and Demri left.

Demri died on Oct. 29th of '96 of a heroin overdose. She was made weaker by the fact that she’d contracted heart problems from the use of dirty and used cotton when she used heroin. At 26 she was wearing a pacemaker. I remember a few months after she got the pacemaker that certain “friends” of Layne’s were blaming her illness on him. Why? Because she’d been staying at his apartment at the time that she got sick (when he had gone on tour) and, according to them, he hadn’t thought to leave her enough money to buy new bags of cotton for, what, ninety nine cents? Just how much sense does that make? She had her own connections for buying heroin and she could afford that, but it was LAYNE’S fault that she got sick b/c he hadn’t bought her cotton before he left. This is the kind of ridiculous talk he put up with from people who claimed to like him.

Right before Demri died she had been about to move to Hawaii with her father (or stepfather, I forget which.) She was also seeing this new guy that her family hadn’t met. He was a coke dealer. She went out one night with the new bf of hers and she had shot heroin before they left. They went down to QFC and he asked her to wait in the car while he ran into the store to buy a few things. When he came out, he assumed that she was asleep. He drove around town for a while after that not even aware that Demri was dying in the passenger seat. By the time he tried to wake her she was in a coma. That was the night of the 28th. Demri didn’t die till the morning of the 29th, in her mother’s arms at the hospital. I think that Layne always sort of blamed himself for not looking after her, because she did need looking after. Nice she was, but not very independent. Demri never grew up. I have some copies of her poetry. She once called herself “an alien waiting for a ride home”.

Around '97, Layne had moved to the U Dist. He hardly ever saw Jerry anymore, but Mike Inez was still kind of close with him. As for Mike Starr, if you’re wondering, he was living in a crappy old apartment (same building that I used to live in) with his father. One night he and his father were shooting heroin together and his father OD’ed. He lived through it, but they were kicked out of the apartment. Gah, Mike Starr was a weird one. I never met him, but that’s according to people who did. (At the time, Layne didn’t know what happened with MS. I’d heard it from one of the people I knew who also lived there.)

Jerry was totally dogging out then. He seemed to think that because he never shot heroin he was better than Layne. Jerry did do some heroin but he was all about coke, girls, money and fame. I started to dislike him then. You know what he was like? He was like Layne’s pimp, only he couldn’t get Layne to work. Layne was tired of it and didn’t want to do it anymore, and Jerry became very devious in his words and his actions. He’s a different person on coke. He walks around flipping his hair and trying to hump everything he thinks might have a vagina. He’s got this “I’m Jerry Cantrell and you’re not” sort of attitude. He started doing this whole big martyred thing in the press – “I’m standing by Layne, even though it’s making me sufferrrrrrr!” but in private he was slipping the knife in. God. Just thinking about it. >:(

Around '98, Mark Lanegan was living with Layne. Mark and Layne were really cool together. Lanegan was struggling to quit heroin and I would swear to this day that he’s here because of Layne. Layne helped him a lot in a lot of ways. He was always fighting someone else’s battle when he thought he had his beat. Lanegan was really sick for a while and Layne was like a Florence Nightingale. Oh lord, the jokes... ;D They would go out together and a lot of people thought they were gay. Which didn’t bother them though because they took it like one big joke. “Yeah we're gay, wanna join us?” LOL!

I just don’t know what happened after '98 - '99. Things were mellow, Layne was doing really well. He had his cats and a nice place to live and his art and his hobbies. I know that he was at Jerry’s '98 Halloween concert, and had thought about making an appearance there. He was dressed as a monster that night and no one recognized him.

I don’t know what happened after '99. I left Seattle because I was very stupidly stuck on Layne and I knew that probably nothing was going to come of it. I looked a little bit like Demri back then and I always had the feeling that Layne was a little weirded out by that. He only ever made one reference to the fact though, and that was after she was gone.

I moved thousands of miles away, he changed his email address and, though we spoke on the phone a few times since then it was only about little things. During this year I hadn’t heard a thing. But then I was never much more than a witness.

For Layne to die was just sad and wrong, but for him to die alone was just an abomination. By blaming Jerry and the rest of Layne’s “friends” I also have to blame myself for moving so far away and losing touch. On the other hand I also don’t flatter myself that I could have done something for him; I just don’t know if I was that important. But I will say this: Jerry saw this coming. Now you may say that he was just fed up with waiting for Layne to find solid ground once and for all, and I could totally understand that, but you’d be missing the point. Jerry’s almost entirely about money, or at least he was 3 years ago. I’m sure that he’s sad, I’m sure he feels it. But god, if he isn’t just a little gratified also. Jerry always had this “I told you so” thing going on. When Layne would relapse or even admit to weakness in the last few years that I knew them Jerry would get very patronizing and very smug. I’m sorry, but I just can’t stand the man. I hate the way he made people feel, so worthless and small.

I’m sorry, Layne. I made myself get over my stupid feelings for you because I had to, and when I did that I also got over my frustration with the fact that everytime I defended you I had to hide behind anonymity and lose credibility. I never told anyone that I knew you and you used to tell me “don't let it bother you. It’s just talk.” And things like that. I always had faith in you though.

I remember looking out your window at the docks one time while you were on the computer, and I was making you listen to some stupid old song because I thought it was cool. You were making fun of it and you crooned the line “you are so superduper bravissimo” to me like the big goofball that you were. Layne, I was yours for the asking, but you never asked.

That’s all I wanted to say. Maybe I’ll find a little peace now even without credibility, just like you always thought was possible. Don’t forget me though and please continue to be my angel; I know there’s enough of you to go around for everyone.

I love you still, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry.

Always, your brave Koa.”

[logicalstansadvice]

Some anons calling his mom dumb and claiming she abandoned him, when he always thx her for providing for him... How can some people be like that? They shit on him, on his life, on his career, on his gf and now on his mom? Wtf kind of fandom is this?

Mods, pls help me understand. Some of you are also in other actors fandoms as well. Do other celeb's fans behave the same way? Because this to me is crazy, aside for your blog all the other ones are full of hateful anons. He has hate blogs not fan blogs.

Is this normal and I am crazy for being surprised? I'm not saying everyone should kiss his ass but all he seems to get is hate and is criticized even for how he sits at a table. I have not seen anything like this until now. But I've only been in the fandom of a singer aside from his, so maybe I'm clueless.

Anon 2: I am so done with this fandom. They actually called his mother dumb and made other hasty comments in regards to her.

Anon 3: I hope his team looks at this blogs and tell him what his "fans" call his mother. I am totally disgusted. We truly don't deserve him.

Anon 4: Maybe I'm too emotional cause I'm pms-ing like crazy, but I actually cried a little when I saw what they said about his mother. These people should have their internet privileges revoked. They are vile and trash. I really hope Sebastian doesn't see that. Some believe him or his team keep tabs on his blogs sometimes. For his sake, I hope that's not true. And if he does see it, I hope he does something about it. No one's mother should end up the trash talk of pathetic desperate fans who judge everything like they are freakin god. I hate this fandom! Sebastian doesn't deserve this.

Anon 5: They are idiots! I'm sorry but I can't anymore. I need to vent. I'm sick of them! Now they go after his family too, cause it's not enough they called him, his dick and his gf all sorts of names. It's the parents turn apparently. Some people should be committed. Seriously. You have to be disturbed to do and say some of the things they do/say. Fans my ass. Wtf are they doing on his blogs, I wonder? Make it make sense. Why come to his blogs if you hate him so much? Why? Why would you wanna even think about someone you loathe?

Anon 6: I am disgusted with this fandom beyond belief. I follow tumblr blogs of other actors too and never have I ever seen such stupidity, entitlement, slander and borderline sociophatic behavior, as in Sebastian's fandom. Some people really need to get their head checked. And all these youngsters judging life by sm posts need a good wake up call. Ffs this is truly getting ridiculous!

Anon 7: When I thought I've seen it all and that nothing would surprise me, I see anons calling his mom dumb and other nasty names. Seb should go get bathed in holy water or smth, to get the "curse" of this fandom of his back. It's like they've gone mental attacking his family, criticizing the way he sits at a table like it's forbiden to sit next to your gf/bf. They are beyond idiotic! I would be so curious to meet these people in real life, just to see how stupidity and ignorance looks like.

Anon 8: Can we make a vaccine to cure stupidity and vile behaviour too? It would be so useful in this forsaken fandom. I am so done. Never thought I'd read something like this.

Vamp - some "fans" believe that Seb has "done them wrong" so they feel the need to punish him until he sees the error of his ways.

Many go around trying to recruit followers to their cause in an attempt to legitimize their crusade and make it appear that hundreds of his fans have taken up arms.

Lady Danger - Ugh THIS FANDOM. They’re trashing his mom now for deigning to want a better life for her and her child by looking for work in a safer place while his family looked after him. Family he loved. God forbid she want to escape communism.

Le Chef - This is privilege through and through. As a person who grew up, at a certain point, with a very young mother who sometimes had to leave me for a few months at a time with a stable grandparent while she got her shit together so she could provide a home and food for a child, this actually pisses me off.

This woman was trying to figure out how to get a child out of communism with nothing but herself. Like, imagine how hard is was for HER to have to leave her child with his grandparents and be with out him on her own in a foreign country. probably barely knew the language. just trying to FIGURE shit out. Like?

He wasn't abandoned. he was with family. family he loved. and who loved him just as much as his mother.

Vamp - I need these people to experience some family hardship and then get back to me. Better yet, go birth some babies, have the father of your babies walk out and be left to raise them as a single parent in an unstable country. Until then they need to STFU.

Lady Danger - With “fans” like these, who needs enemies? The best thing anyone can do is unfollow, block, report blogs like those. Without attention, they wither and die off.

Vamp - Usually it's just a handful of fans who need to go nap and let us adults drink our wine and continue our conversation.

Le Chef - Why don't they ask his daddy why he couldn't come back to Romania and take care of his fucking son and help out so that they could have gotten out without separation.

Heroine - These fans are asking to get smacked. Seb adores his mother & probably would hit them with an immediate block. This woman was in her early/mid 20s, poor, and doing it on her own in a country suffering other authoritarian rule. This was most likely last resort for survival. Anyone with sense would know this is not abandoning a child. If it were his ass still would have been in Romania. Based on stories he told, it sounds like she went back and scooped her baby up ASAP.

[justalittlemango]

30/01/2021 - Stress and Anxiety.

Been a while since I posted on this blog in particular. I usually use my private Twitter to vent but I feel this may be best written in one entire post.

I guess this is going to be an appreciation post, for myself.

I am constantly stressing and worrying about things I’ve done in the past, how people view me, and then other such issues like money, creating and adding to my portfolio, finding jobs for my placement year, university grades, coursework, my side hobbies like learning a language and working out. I worry about these things a lot. It’s a lot to maintain in my daily life.. and then there’s my biggest worry and cause of stress: my boyfriend and love.

More recently I’ve been stressed because of my sleep habits. I seem to keep waking up for no utter reason. Feeling very tired. Feeling like I’m choking on air or something? Maybe I have sleep apnea? Who knows. I haven’t been diagnosed or anything.

Some friends I’ve spoken to have said they are really proud of me for how I’m handling all these worries and stress. Especially considering I’ve been ditched by my boyfriend with no closure whatsoever, just constantly wondering if he even still wants to be in a relationship with me or not... and it’s been like that for over a month now. He won’t give me closure. He keeps disappearing, and I’m not sure why.

At this point I can’t afford to waste my energy thinking about him. Like, sure, last year I fell in love with that boy. I thought he was amazing. Sweet. Funny. Cute. Adorable. Heart of gold. And at times in 2020, he hurt me, and it happened a final time over the Christmas period that I’m still reeling over. He made a remark about something I had a legit anxiety attack over in a public server, and of course I exploded at him for doing that. The alcohol probably didn’t help. I told him ‘my friends used to tell me I deserve better, and I never used to believe it, but now I do.’ - and that’s what I said that seemingly caused his long absence. He was put on new meds and has stopped taking them.. apparently.. I can’t really trust anything he says.

I guess it’s not the end of the world if him and I don’t work out, but I just need to know the answer sooner rather than later. Sometimes I wish I could just call an end to it myself. But anyway, enough about him, he doesn’t deserve my energy after what he put me through. He is a sweetheart and I love him, but this is not going to be something I’ll find forgiving when he returns. Anyway, plenty more cuties out there who I will meet. Loyal ones. A real lad. One who can communicate rather than run away and ignore me.

Anyway.. about me. 2020 was not a perfect year for me. I made quite a few mistakes. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years, which was huge for me. That took a crazy amount of courage. And I feel that.. the circumstances were unfortunate, but I’m proud of myself for making that decision and genuinely believe it was for the best. As does he now that some time has passed. I fell in love with my current boyfriend and all things was okay for a bit. Until he ditched me because I wanted to play with these new friends. Deleted me. Blocked me everywhere. Abandoned me. And then complains when someone out of the blue comes around and comforts me and treats me right. Yknow, for a long time I used to feel super bad about that.. because it hurt my current boyfriend.. but that was him trying to guilt trip me I swear. He broke up with me. Of course I was going to go with someone. Just I happened to do it quickly.

I got my karma though. The one who was comforting me was not for me. I couldn’t feel genuine emotions for him, I didn’t love him. So after 3 months or so, we split up and ended all communication. That was a move I was dreading for a very long time, so I’m very proud of myself for coughing up the courage to be able to not let it drag on. I wish I stuck to what I said with him though, that I was going to remain single for a while so I get my head straight.. heh.. if I did that, I wouldn’t be feeling so hurt and stressed out right now! I’d be a lot better I imagine.

So yes, after all that, it felt shit for a while. I felt so lonely. Didn’t have many friends. My ex had his bf (now ex-bf) in his room quite often and I would hear and see them having fun. No jealousy in me really.. just felt strange. Like how quickly things can change in a year. I’m proud of myself for getting through that time period where I really felt like I was on my own. I got through it, albeit with the assistance of alcohol and a good friend of mine that I know online.

2020 was the year I cracked my group chat anxiety. I used to be scared to play games and participate in voice chats with my friends online because I would have really bad anxiety. But now I enjoy doing it so much. And I genuinely feel like this has had a great benefit of how I will be in real life too. I am yet to put it to the test! But that is one of the greatest things i’m proud of. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to do all that. Most times at the start with the assistance of alcohol, but more recently, no alcohol needed. I am anxious for a few mins, and then I start to mellow out.

More recently I’ve made a lot more friends and tried to put a lot more effort in. And I feel this is something I should be proud of. Even at rock bottom, I still am determined to fix things. That’s one thing I’ll praise myself on: persistence and dedication. 

I’ve learnt so much about love, emotions and relationships the past year. I feel that as much as this all hurt me, I will be a better man as a result of all this. I have more experience now. I know what to do next time. I know how to avoid being hurt. I’m proud that I am keeping up with my university work and portfolio stuff, my workouts and Spanish work also, despite all this going on. Despite barely sleeping recently because of my anxiety and stress. I am proud that I still know what’s important and I’m trying to maintain my composure.

2021 then.. going to be a great year. I feel it. Starting off a bit rocky.. but I need to see what happens with my current lad. Most likely end up breaking it off. And tbh, I don’t think I’ll need much preparation for that. I’m going to try new things. Experiment. I might try a dating app at some point in the summer... see about getting a placement for next year and have a great time next year. My family is in good health. I am in good health for the most part.. I have gained quite a few friends and some are doing a great job at looking after me. 

Things are good. I am letting a 27 year old man, who is acting like a 12 year old, make me feel like shit. Like no. I can’t let him dominate my mind like this. I deserve better than that. I must make it a challenge to NOT think about him so much in the night time when trying to sleep. He’s probably the reason why I can’t even sleep well. So, it’s February in a couple days. Lets leave all that shit behind in January. No more thinking about him so much in the nights. No more losing countless hours of sleep. More enjoying the present moment. More stepping outside my comfort zone. Spending time with friends and family. That’s whats important. Making memories. Having fun. No stress or anxiety, just good vibes.

I shouldn’t worry about money either. That’s all sorted. I most likely am not going to the US now so I can use that money if I struggle. But I’m spending wisely right now. So I will be good! I got some good games that I need to keep playing. Friends I enjoy playing with. Living in my parents house having a good time. Portfolio work will come along smoothly, there is no rush! Same with the coursework, there is no rush! It’s all such early days, and extensions are there for a reason! I don’t want to compare myself to anyone now. Especially not my ex. I need to leave all these unhealthy habits behind in January, so Feb and the months onwards can be better.

[reesebird]

New Post has been published on https://reesebird.com/2019/09/03/i-feel-like-my-boyfriends-mom-is-out-of-her-mind-i-need-some-help-understanding-and-not-trying-to-accuse-her-vent/

I feel like my boyfriend's mom is out of her mind. I need some help understanding and not trying to accuse her. (Vent)

This is a bit of a vent but I feel like something’s amiss. Also names aren’t their real names.

Like the title said I think she’s out of her mind, although I tend to give her the medical pass and veteran pass. She had a few strokes, a bypass and problems with her brains. She’s also a landlord so she deals with tenants and evictions, she’s also dealing with an eviction recently. She was also in the military and a special Ed teacher for autistic kids. She did have someone close to her pass away recently and we went to the wake.

The dad on the other hand well he’s more calmer and old, same with her. But he’s a good guy cause my mom or my neighbor said that he was a good guy and I think the same just that he’s just trying to live his golden years and not deal with them.

My boyfriend he’s a spoiled brat. He was spoiled at a young age and it kind of stayed in his teens.

Anyhow, let’s just get to the examples.

One example:She tends to get mad out of nowhere for something we didn’t do. She cut her foot from a sewing pin that was on the floor and blamed us for it even though we don’t know where it came from or how it got there, for all we know it could’ve been there for years.

Second example: This one happened today and a buddy of his saw it happened (We’ll call him Bud) so Bud was playing Dauntless and I brought me and Bud some muffins that my boyfriend had. We were eating not making a mess until she came upstairs and freaked out and she and my boyfriend were fighting about it, both me and bf were thinking that she was a bit irrational (we had one incident that caused the bed to be soaked from blanket to mattress (expensive bunk bed) and she flipped). We didn’t have any liquids near the bed cause we know it’s gonna soak into the bed but muffins? It’s literally a solid and we had plates and we’re gonna clean up afterwards. I’m the only one who can eat on my bed, bf and Bud no and yes rules are rules but I feel like she takes rules a bit too far to the point she’ll yell, threaten and call names. She threaten to call my mom and my bf tried to calm her down, she does call us names too and she did. While Bud and I were listening to the conversation with me telling him that she’s crazy.

Third example: She cleaned upstairs and her ankle was swollen. She decided to go rest until I came into the house and was having fun with my bf and we went into the kitchen. She decided to climb up the stairs like something from the exorcist and yelled at us instead of resting her ankle when we weren’t doing anything to her.

Fourth example: (This happened before the third example) Me, bf, his mom, a friend of bf and a friend of him mom. Let’s call bf’s friend:Joey and mom’s friend: Cindy. Everyone was cleaning upstairs and I just sat on a chair and I wanted to help and I did something bad and his mom yelled at me so I went downstairs wanting to go home as I was not needed until bf and his mom tried to make me stay (Joey and I both have Asperger’s syndrome so he knew I was having a sensory overload and tried to tell them to stop and let me go and that I was having a sensory overload.) I bursted down crying and bf’s mom told everyone to go upstairs and tried to comfort me. We got the situation under control but Joey left angry and I felt trapped in that house even after the incident.

I’m sorry for venting like this. I don’t need help with hotlines but I need help understanding this woman. I’m sorry if it seems I’m trying to accuse her, I’m honestly not but I don’t know if she has a mental health problem or anything. I know she has depression but I don’t know if she has PTSD (I don’t think she does). She does use legal medical marijuana using a special license to get it. But other than that I don’t know. I really need help to understand her. Maybe I’m wrong and she’s just trying to be a mom I don’t know.

[thenishantdeo]

10 Things Every Girl Needs To Hear From Her Boyfriend

Getting a boyfriend can feel like winning the lottery or landing your dream job, thanks to our swiping obsessed and hook-up crazy culture. But just because you finally found someone special doesn’t mean that the hard work and effort is over. You still have to make sure that the guy that you’re with is worthy of you. If he’s your official boyfriend, here are 10 things that you deserve to hear from him:

1. “I’M REALLY HAPPY WITH YOU.” You know that he makes you happier than anyone ever has before, so why wouldn’t you want him to say it to you? You deserve to hear this from the guy that you’re calling your BF. You need to know how he feels and that you’re on the same page. After all, you don’t want to wonder if he’s fallen as fast as you have. These things should be super clear.

2. “YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.” A guy who can’t say these words to you is a guy that needs to be dumped ASAP. He absolutely needs to think this way about you. Otherwise, there’s no reason for you to waste your time. You need someone who makes you feel like the gorgeous woman that you are, whether you’ve got your signature shade of lipstick on for date night or you just woke up with the messiest hair ever.

3. “YOU’RE THE COOLEST GIRL.” You think that he’s the best and he’s totally changed your life for the better. You deserve to hear the same thing from him. If he doesn’t feel this way, then you should find out sooner rather than later so you can be free to find someone who does.

4. “I CAN’T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU.” A real man isn’t afraid of the future, and he’s definitely not afraid of a future with you. If he says something along these lines, whether he follows it up with talking about moving in together or just makes it clear that you’re headed in that direction, it’s romantic AF. And it’s a huge relief. You don’t have to worry about him bailing on you when things get real. Things are already real and he’s all in.

5. “MY MOM IS GOING TO LOVE YOU.” A guy’s mom is super important to him. If you haven’t met her yet, you’ve definitely heard stories about her, and you know that you need to make a good impression. Your boyfriend should absolutely say this to you before you two meet. It’s super sweet and will also ease your nerves… so you can actually make that good impression without freaking out.

6. “I LOVE WAKING UP NEXT TO YOU.” This is the best thing that you can hear from someone, especially if you had a rough time dating before meeting this amazing guy. It makes up for all the horror stories and it’s just incredibly sweet. When you hear this from your boyfriend, you know that you have something truly special. He doesn’t want to wake up next to just anyone, he wants to wake up next to you. It’s like something out of a romantic comedy (you know, the kind that you swear you hate but secretly love…).

7. “I SUPPORT YOU.” It may seem obvious that your partner should be 100 percent supportive of your career endeavors, but sadly, it’s really not. So many guys are freaked out by smart, independent, ambitious women. The fact that your BF says this proves that he’s not like them at all. He loves that you’re intelligent and he wants you to go super far.

8. “YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING.” This is seriously the hottest thing that a guy can say to you. You deserve to hear that your boyfriend wants you to trust him and wants you to tell him anything and everything. He’s in it and he wants to be your go-to person no matter what’s going on in your life. How amazing is that?!

9. “THINGS ARE GOING SO WELL.” When your boyfriend tells you this, you know that he cares deeply about you and your relationship. He wants you to know how great he thinks things are going. This definitely proves that you two are right for each other and things will most likely continue in a really positive direction. Also, the fact that he isn’t embarrassed to say something like this is another reason that you should keep him around. Real men are honest about this kind of stuff.

10. “I’M HERE FOR YOU.” A guy that tells you this is a total keeper. He isn’t scared of hearing about the dark and difficult parts of your life, and he truly wants to be your number one when you need a shoulder to cry on or when you need to vent. If you weren’t already hopelessly in love with him, hearing him say this to you should totally seal the deal.