#we'll see if support gives me an answer idk though

[quatregats]

"Why must I know how my laptop works" laments guy who literally just signed up for the job of laptop-workings-knower

[37sommz]

❁ : sweet blue . . .

✼. masterlist — taglist — request. ✼. genre: angst & smut. ✼. wc: 5.1k.

it's the sixth round of the 2021 formula one season and mclaren's investment in michaela has been duly paying off. though the success, however, lies a burgeoning tension between mclaren's young drivers.

✼. warnings: 18+, mdni, general language warnings, lando is kind of a brat here idk, ZAK BROWN, explicit sexual content, pwp, unprotected sex, one (1) spank?, jenson has a potty mouth part two!!

✼. notes: major time skip from lookin' 4. i promise michaela and jenson have more family-friendly scenes later on, but it just fit with the vibe of the chapter i guess.

000.⠀⠀JUNE 07, 2021    ›    Baku, Azerbaijan.

Michaela leaned back in her chair, her eyes scanning the rows of reporters as the last echoes of their questions hung in the air. The hum of the air conditioning in the Convention Center was a stark contrast to the roaring engines she was accustomed to, but the anticipation of the 2021 Azerbaijan Grand Prix was palpable. She felt the weight of their gazes, their expectations, their hunger for drama. Her skin prickled with irritation as she formulated her next response, her mind racing through the repercussions of her words.

"Michaela," a journalist in the third row called out, "Since you joined McLaren this season, you've achieved two second-place finishes and points in all five races. You have also outperformed your teammate, Lando Norris, in all five races so far. Do you think McLaren should prioritize you over Lando given your recent performance?"

Michaela's eyes narrowed slightly, the corner of her mouth twitching. She took a sip of water, buying herself a moment to compose her thoughts. "Look," she began, her voice measured, "Lando is a fantastic driver, and I have nothing but respect for him. We're both here to do our best for the team. It is McLaren's job to make strategic decisions based on what they believe is best for the team's overall performance. It is my job to drive fast. They trust me to do my job, so I trust them to do theirs."

The journalist wasn't satisfied with her evasive response and tried again, "But do you believe you're the better driver?"

Michaela's jaw clenched. She could feel the tension in her shoulders, the heat rising in her cheeks. "We're both here to win," she said tightly, "And that's all that matters."

The room went quiet for a beat before the next question came, this time from a journalist who had a glint in his eye that suggested he was enjoying the tension. "But if you had to choose, who do you think is the stronger racer?"

Michaela took a deep breath, her eyes flashing with irritation. "I'm not here to play favorites or to make comparisons," she said firmly. "We're both fighting for the same thing, and we're both giving it our all. The team will make the call, and we'll support each other."

The room was silent for a moment before Valtteri Bottas, sitting beside her, leaned into the microphone. "Let's not forget that we are all professionals here," he said calmly, his gaze flicking to the journalist who had asked the question. "We are focused on the championship, not on personal battles."

Pierre Gasly, who was seated at the opposite end of the table, couldn't resist a smirk. "It's not every day you see teammates so openly competitive," he said sarcastically, his French accent lending a touch of amusement to his words. Michaela shot her long-time friend a blistering glance, woefully receiving a conspiratorial smile instead of a retraction.

The press conference concluded with a final round of questions directed at Valtteri and Pierre. As the reporters began to pack up their equipment, the tension in the room remained palpable. When the last journalist had left, Lando approached her, his expression a blend of confusion and accusation.��

"Couldn't you just give them a straight answer?" he said, his voice low but carrying the weight of his frustration.

Michaela pushed herself out of her chair, standing to her full height a handful of centimeters or so above the Bristol native. "I don't know. What do you want from me, Lando?" she snapped. "Should I just say I'm better than you to appease them?"

Lando's eyes widened, the accusation in her tone stinging. "That's not what I'm asking," he said, his voice rising. "But you can't just pretend that you don’t care about the fact that you've been outrunning me all season!"

Michaela stepped closer, her hands tense at her sides. "Maybe I just don't have your luxury of playing it anything but nice," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "Maybe I've had to fight for every inch of track, every point, every podium. And now you want me to just hand it over because, what, you're feeling insecure?"

Lando's jaw tightened. "That's not what this is about," he insisted, his own frustration rising. "It's about being a team player, about not causing drama where there doesn't need to be."

Michaela's eyes searched his, looking for any sign of understanding. "You think I don't want that?" she hissed, her voice edged with a hint of desperation. "You think I don't want to just be treated like an equal?"

Before Lando could respond, a firm hand on her shoulder broke their intense stare. Zak's voice caught Michaela's full attention, his tone a mix of concern and reprimand. "Guys, let's take this outside," he said, his voice a calm counter to the heated tension in the room.

The two stepped into the bustling corridor, the noise of the paddock a stark contrast to the claustrophobic silence of the press room. "McLaren has no number one driver," he reminded them firmly. "We're in this together. Every point we score, we score as a team."

Michaela's eyes narrowed, looking for a crack in his resolve, but all she found was a reflection of her own determination. "But you know it's not that simple," she argued. "The media wants a story, and if I don't give it to them, they'll make one up."

Zak's jaw tightened. "You're both adults, and you're both incredibly talented drivers. I know you're both hungry for success, but this isn't the way. We're racing as a team, and we'll win as a team." His words were firm, but the understanding in his eyes was unmistakable. "End of discussion."

Michaela nodded curtly, her shoulders still tense. As Lando stormed off, she couldn't help but feel a wave of regret for her harsh words. The weekend ahead was going to be fraught with tension, she knew that much. But she also knew that she couldn't let it affect her driving. This was her chance to prove herself, to show that she was more than just a team player.

000.⠀⠀JUNE 08, 2021    ›    Baku, Azerbaijan.

The qualifying session was a battle of nerves. Each time she took to the track, she pushed herself to the absolute limit, the car responding to her every demand. As the clock ticked down, she requested her engineer to report Lando's times, a hint of satisfaction filling her as he replied that he fell just short of hers. When the results flashed on the board, showing her starting fourth behind Charles, Lewis, and Max, she allowed herself a small, selfish smile.

On race day, the tension between her and Lando was tangible. They didn't speak in the garage, their focus was solely on the job at hand. The lights went out, and she didn't hold back, fighting for position, her heart pounding in her chest. The race was a blur of strategy, speed, and sheer willpower. Upon the restart following Max's crash due to tire failure, Michaela lay in second place sandwiched behind Checo and in front of Lewis. With just two laps to the checkered flag, she could hear the voice of her engineer encouraging her to "Give 'em hell."

Her eyes narrowed, and she took a deep breath, channeling her frustration into precision. As they approached the tight turns of the Baku City Circuit, she saw an opportunity. She took a risk, diving to the inside of Checo at Turn 1, her tires screeching. She felt the G-forces press her into the seat as she overtook him, the crowd's roar deafening.

The final lap was a dance of power and skill, with Checo breathing down her neck, his Red Bull's shadow looming large in her rearview mirror. But she was ready for this, her hands steady on the wheel, her mind a crystal-clear focus. She knew every inch of this track, every bump, every curve, every opportunity for error. And she wasn't going to make one.

As she rounded the final corner, the checkered flag in sight, she could feel the anticipation in the air. The crowd was on their feet, the roar of the engines echoing off the walls of the grandstands. She pushed the pedal to the floor, her car responding like an extension of her own body. And then she was across the line, the first McLaren to win a Grand Prix since Jenson in Brazil in 2012. The world around her went silent for a heartbeat before it exploded into the ringing of cheers and celebration.

Michaela couldn't believe it. She had done it. She had proven herself. The podium was a blur of cameras and spraying champagne, the weight of the trophy in her hands a sweet validation. Her eyes searched the sea of faces for Lando, who offered her a grudging nod, the tension between them thick enough to cut with a knife. But she couldn't let it ruin this moment. This was her victory, and she had earned it.

The afterparty was a whirlwind of congratulations and well-wishers. The air was electric with excitement, the sound of laughter and clinking glasses a symphony to her ears. Pierre and Charles approached her, grinning ear to ear already intoxicated, their arms slung around each other's shoulders.

"Michaela, you absolute legend," Pierre said, raising a shot of tequila in her direction.

Michaela couldn't help but smile, the burn of the alcohol warming her insides as she took the glass from the Alpha Tauri driver. The tension from earlier had been replaced with a heady mix of triumph and exhaustion. She had done it. Her first win and it was all hers and hers alone.

"You guys were great out there too, 4th and 5th," she said, raising her own drink in a toast. "Cheers to a hell of a race."

"Cheers," they echoed, their glasses clinking together.

The party buzzed with energy, the room a swirl of color and sound. As the night progressed, the drinks flowed freely, and the conversation grew more playful. Pierre leaned closer to her, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "So, what do you think now?" he whispered, his voice barely audible over the music. "Are you ready to admit that you're the one to watch?"

Michaela felt a familiar heat rise in her cheeks. "I'm just happy for the team," she said, trying to keep her tone light. The two friends groaned in response to her diplomatic answer. Charles booed loudly as Pierre released an equally loud, "C'est des foutaises", calling bullshit on Michaela's dodge.

"Come on, Mickey," Charles prodded, his voice still teasing. "You know you're the one everyone's talking about. You outdrove everyone today, especially Lando."

Michaela's eyes narrowed slightly, the alcohol loosening her tongue more than she would have liked. "I don't need to say it out loud for it to be true," she said, a hint of challenge in her voice.

Pierre's smirk grew wider. "But it's so much more fun when you do," he said, nudging her playfully.

Michaela couldn't help but laugh despite herself. The atmosphere was infectious, and she felt a rare moment of camaraderie with her friends. "Alright, I'll give you that," she conceded with a grin. "But let's not forget, you both had a hand in keeping him on his toes today."

Their laughter was interrupted by a familiar British accent. "If it isn't the woman of the hour," Jenson said, sliding into the conversation with a charming smile. The former world champion had been commentating on the race, and his presence was a stark reminder of the history she had made today.

Michaela felt a jolt of excitement at the sight of him, the secret they had been keeping hidden for months now threatening to spill out into the open. "Jenson," she said, her voice low as Pierre and Charles turned to accept more drinks for the four of them. "What are you doing here?"

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against her ear. "Couldn't miss the chance to congratulate my favorite driver, now could I?" His words sent a shiver down her spine, a reminder of the passion they had shared in the quiet moments stolen from the spotlight. It had been nearly six full months of Michaela relenting to “just one more date”. It had been nearly six full months of their secret threatening to be revealed anytime they came into proximity to each other, familiar hands involuntarily reaching for each other anytime Jenson held a Sky Sports microphone in his hands.

Michaela's heart raced as she searched the room for any signs of media or prying eyes. "We need to be careful," she whispered, the music thumping around them providing a veil of privacy.

Jenson winked. "Don't worry, love. I know how to keep a secret," he said, taking a sip of the drink drunkenly handed to him by Pierre. His blue eyes danced with excitement, mirroring the disco lights bouncing off the walls.

Michaela nodded, her thoughts racing. They had been so careful for so long, avoiding any hint of a relationship in public, but tonight she felt invincible. The victory had been hers, and she wanted to share it with him.

Jenson's hand found her shoulder, his grip firm and reassuring. "You were incredible today," he said, his voice a gentle rumble.

Michaela's cheeks flushed under his gaze. "Thanks," she murmured, looking down at their knees just barely touching in the darkness of the packed club.

"No, really," Jenson's voice grew more serious, his thumb stroking her shoulder. "You're on fire this season. It's a joy to watch."

Michaela met his gaze, her eyes searching his. The warmth in his eyes was genuine, and she felt a swell of affection for the man who had become both her mentor and lover. "Thank you," she said, her voice a little louder this time. "But let's not forget the team effort."

Pierre and Charles, really ‘Drunk and Drunker’ at this point in the night, leaned back into the conversation reminding the secret lovers of the weight of their secret. 

"She keeps going on and on about the team effort. I told her she kicked Lando's ass and she won't give it up." Pierre almost whined in disappointment, groaning in pain when Michaela pinched him in retaliation.

Michaela rolled her eyes, her cheeks still flushed from the race and the alcohol. "I'm just trying to keep things professional," she said, taking another shot of tequila, hissing at the burn.

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" Pierre said with a laugh, slapping her on the back a little too hard. Jenson's hand shot out to rub at her lower back as Michaela grumbled out of discomfort. Their eyes locked once Jenson caught himself and retreated. 

If ‘Drunk and Drunker’ noticed, they gave no indication so.

The night grew later, and the party showed no signs of winding down. The three friends had formed a tight circle, the music a pulsing backdrop to their laughter and stories. The whiskey was smooth, the air was thick with the scent of victory and sweat, and the thrill of the day's race still hummed in her veins. Slowly, Michaela found herself on her own as the two Francophones found willing participants to conduct their own private celebrations.

Her thoughts drifted back to Jenson. The secret meetings in hotel rooms, the stolen kisses in quiet corners, the whispered promises of what could be if they ever went public. She took a deep breath and made her decision.

Michaela slipped away from the party, not before grabbing a bottle of champagne to go from the VIP section. The solitude of the night's air outside was a welcome relief from the harried noise of the club. She sent a text to Jenson, her heart racing with anticipation.

"Meet me at my hotel room," she typed, hitting send before she could second guess herself.

The response came almost immediately. "On my way," it read, the words sending a delicious shiver down her spine.

Michaela hurried to the hotel, her heart pounding in her chest with a mix of excitement and nerves. This was not the first time she and Jenson had snuck away together after a race, but it was the first time she had initiated it. She took the elevator up to her floor, the champagne bottle clutched tightly in her hand.

When she opened the door to her suite, she found Jenson already there, his dress shirt a quarter unbuttoned and a look of anticipation in his eyes. He took the champagne from her, popped the cork, and filled two flutes with a practiced ease. "To your first win," he toasted, his eyes never leaving hers.

Michaela took a sip, the bubbles tickling her nose as she watched him over the rim of the glass. "And to many more," she murmured, setting the flute aside.

Jenson stepped closer, his hand cupping her cheek. "You were magnificent today," he said, his voice thick with desire. "You deserve all of this and more."

Michaela's eyes were all round as she stared up at him, the weight of their secret suddenly feeling heavier. "What we do together," she began, her voice low and urgent, "It can't affect the team or your work with Williams and Sky."

Jenson leaned in closer, his breath warm against her cheek. "I know, love," he whispered. "But tonight, let's just celebrate you."

Michaela's heart hammered in her chest as she reached up to kiss him, the tension between them snapping like a rubber band. Their kiss was desperate, hungry, fueled by the adrenaline of the win and the excitement of their hidden romance. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, as their bodies melded together.

The hotel suite was a sanctuary of passion, the curtains drawn tight to keep the outside world at bay. The champagne sat forgotten on the minibar, their celebration taking a different turn. As Jenson turned to take a seat on the edge of the bed, Michaela felt her arousal pulsate through her, driving her to the brink of insanity.

He reached out for her, and she stepped into his embrace, her hands sliding around his neck. Their kisses grew more urgent, their breaths mingling as they tasted the victory of the day. His hands roamed over her body, slipping under her dress to caress the bare skin of her thighs, while hers explored the firm planes of his chest.

"You wanna know something?" She teased, her accent adding a sultry drawl to the innocent words. Her fingers played with the blonde curls at the nape of his neck. Jenson's strong hands drew her toned thighs onto the bed, resting them on either side of his spread legs as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"I want to know everything about you," He whispered back, his focus unwavering as he trailed his tongue up the valley of her breasts pulling down the neckline of her dress to grant himself selfish access. His hands squeezed at the fat of her ass, settling the full weight of her body against his erect cock.

Michaela moaned softly, her body arching into his touch. "Between Lando and I, I know I'm the better driver," she confessed, her voice a breathless purr.

Jenson paused, his eyes meeting hers with a spark of mischief. "Do you, now?" He squeezed her breasts in both of his hands, his teeth grazing her sensitive skin.

Michaela's breath hitched. "Don't tease me," she murmured, her hips rocking against him. "You know I am." The end of her sentence was punctuated by a breathless moan at the sensation of their clothed extremities rubbing against each other for desperately needed friction.

Jenson chuckled darkly, his hands moving to unzip her dress. "You can't say that out loud," he whispered, his breath hot against her neck. "It's unsportsmanlike conduct. They’ll fine you."

Michaela giggled, pushing his shirt off his shoulders. "Fuck sportsmanship," she said, her voice growing more heated. "I want to win."

Jenson's eyes darkened with lust, his hands moving to unhook her bra. "And you will," he murmured, tossing the garment aside. He kissed her neck, his teeth grazing her skin. "Again and again."

Michaela's dress pooled at her waist, revealing her black lace lingerie. She reached down to undo his pants, her hands shaking slightly with anticipation. As she freed him from his boxers, she took a moment to appreciate the size and girth of him.

"You're mine," she murmured, her eyes never leaving his as she sank to her knees and took him in her hand, stroking his base slowly.

Jenson groaned, his eyes falling shut for a moment before snapping open to meet hers. "Always," he growled.

Michaela took him in her mouth, her eyes never leaving his. The taste of him was familiar and intoxicating, a heady mix of sweat and desire. His hands found her hair, guiding the strands into a ponytail held tight in his hand. Her head bobbed with a rhythm set by the older man as his hips bucked up to meet her. She took him deep, her tongue swirling around the head of his cock, teasing the slit before taking him all the way back in again.

Jenson's moans grew louder, his grip on her hair tightening as she worked her magic. His eyes squeezed shut, the pleasure too intense to bear, before finally opening again to look at her. The sight of her, dressed in nothing but her underwear, on her knees before him, was almost too much. "Bed," he managed to say through gritted teeth, pulling her up by the wrists.

Michaela's heart raced as she stood, allowing Jenson to push her onto the bed, face first into the cotton sheets. The coolness of the sheets was a stark contrast to the heat of their bodies as they fell onto the mattress. He slid her panties down, revealing her bare skin to the coolness of the room. His tongue traced the curves of her spine, sending shivers down her legs. He whispered sweet nothings into her ear as his hand found the wetness between her legs, his thumb playing her with a hungry precision.

Michaela squirmed beneath him, her moans growing louder. Jenson was a master at this, his experience evident in every touch, every caress. She could feel the tension building, the need for release coiling tighter and tighter inside her. His fingers slid into her, and she bit down on the pillow to muffle her cries. The bed squeaked in protest as he picked up the pace, her body moving with the rhythm of his hand.

As she neared climax, she could feel his cock pressing against her back, hot and demanding. She wanted him inside her, wanted to feel him claim her victory as his own. She turned to her face to look back at him, her eyes glazed with desire. "Take me," she whispered, her voice raw with need.

Jenson's eyes darkened further, his control slipping. He pulled his hand away, his cock taking its place. "Need to give my race winner a proper celebration, hmm?" He hummed as he took his time, rubbing against her folds to her surprise. As Michaela released a throaty moan from the unfamiliar sensation, Jenson slid into her, filling her completely. 

The initial shock gave way to a deep need and she pushed back into him, urging him deeper. The sound of their bodies colliding filled the room, a symphony of passion and desire. Caught off guard once again by a smack echoing through the quiet hotel room and a ting of pain quickly replaced by pleasure, Michaela nearly cried out her lover's name.

Jenson's hand came down firmly on her ass again, undeniably leaving a red imprint. "Keep it down, love," he whispered in her ear, his teeth grazing her earlobe. "Don't want to wake the other guests."

Michaela bit her lip, nodding in understanding as she pushed back into him, the pain from the smack morphing into a pleasurable throb that had her walls spasming around him. She could feel the head of his muscle pressing against the sweetest spot in hers, the anticipation of what was to come making her wetter.

The stretch was exquisite, a tight ring of pressure that she had never felt before. She moaned into the pillow, her body shaking with the effort to remain silent.

He began to move in earnest, sliding in and out of her in a punishing rhythm that made her toes curl, the sensation overwhelming. It was more than she had ever felt, the pleasure so intense it was almost painful. Her breathing grew ragged, her hips rising to meet him as she chased the high of her impending climax.

Jenson leaned over her, his chest heaving with exertion as he whispered dirty nothings in her ear. His voice crafted an addictive melody in her head, pushing her closer to the edge. The room was a haze of pleasure, the smell of sex and sweat intoxicating as it filled her nose. She could feel him getting closer, his strokes becoming more erratic, his breathing more ragged.

Michaela's eyes fluttered closed, the sensation of his hands on her hips and her heart beating out of her chest overwhelming. "Fuck," she whispered, the word slipping out despite her best efforts to be quiet. "I'm going to come."

Jenson groaned in response, his own release imminent. He leaned down to kiss her neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. "Come for me," he murmured, his voice a low growl. "Wanna make my little champion feel good."

Michaela's body tensed as she did just that, her orgasm crashing over her in waves. She bit down on the pillow to stifle her scream, her walls clenching around him. Jenson's hands pressed deeper into her skin, drawing a series of cries from the Australian. Her mind blanked completely as she began to gush around him. "Holy shit!" She cried out, her eyes rolling back as the shock of pleasure overtook any semblance of control over her own body.

Jenson watched the passion play across her features, his own climax building rapidly. The sight of her pleasure was too much for him to hold back, and with a roar, he came deep inside her. The feeling of her muscles contracting around him was almost too much, and he had to brace himself against the headboard to keep from collapsing on top of her.

Michaela's body went limp, the tension draining out of her as she lay there, panting and sated. He collapsed beside her, both of them sweaty and spent. They lay there for a moment, their hearts pounding in sync.

Michaela rolled over to face him, a satisfied smile playing on her lips. "I think we should do this more often," she murmured, her eyes half-lidded with pleasure. "I don't think I've ever come that hard before."

Jenson chuckled, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Glad I could help you tick that off your list," he said, his voice still gruff with desire. He reached over to stroke her cheek, his clean thumb tracing the path of a tear that had escaped during their intense lovemaking.

As awareness of the damp sheets beneath her spent body set in, Michaela's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"What's wrong?" Jenson asked, noticing the change in her expression. When Michaela released a short, "The sheets are damp,” Jenson couldn't help the belly laugh that erupted from the back of his throat.

Michaela smacked his arm playfully. "It's not funny," she said, though the corners of her mouth twitched upwards.

"It's a little funny," Jenson chuckled, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "But I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with the sheer joy of watching you come like that." He leaned in for a kiss, which she returned eagerly despite her embarrassment.

Michaela couldn't argue with that. The way he had taken her to the brink and pushed her over had been nothing short of amazing. She snuggled closer, feeling the stickiness between her thighs and the aftershocks of pleasure still rippling through her body.

They lay there for a few moments, basking in the afterglow of their passionate encounter, the only sound their labored breathing and the distant murmur of the city outside. It was a moment of rare peace in the whirlwind of the season, a secret shared between them that felt both thrilling and terrifying.

Jenson broke the silence, his voice low and caring. "Let's get you cleaned up before you drift away on me, love."

Michaela nodded, reluctantly untangling herself from his embrace. They both stumbled into the en suite bathroom, the tiles cool against their heated skin. Jenson turned on the faucet of the bathtub, the sound of water filling the tub with a gentle hum in the quiet space. He stepped in, holding out a hand to help her in.

The water was perfect, not too hot, not too cold. It washed away the sweat and the grime of their passion, along with the tension of keeping their relationship a secret. They sat in the tub, their legs entwined, sipping from the champagne flutes they had brought in with them. The bubbles of the bath fizzled and popped around them, echoing the bubbles of their conversation.

"You know, I've been thinking," Jenson began, his voice a gentle rumble in the quiet space. "Maybe we should tell someone. Just one person. Someone we trust."

Michaela's heart skipped a beat. The thought of their secret getting out was both terrifying and thrilling. "Like who?" Her voice barely above a whisper, her gaze locked onto his.

Jenson took a deep breath, considering his words. "Maybe Daniel," he said, referring to the shared friend between the two of them. "He's a good guy. He won't say anything."

Michaela leaned her head against his shoulder, thinking it over. In the months since Daniel had been reintroduced to her in a new light—her sister’s new boyfriend—Michaela had taken to confiding in the Perth native, committing himself to his new role as a source of comfort for his girlfriend’s baby sister.

"What if it changes things?" she asked, her voice small and unsure. "What if people start questioning my focus on the track?"

Jenson kissed her forehead, his hand tracing circles on her thigh. "We're adults, Mouse," he said, using the nickname only he could get away with. "We can handle it. And besides, you just proved today that you can win with or without any distractions."

Michaela thought about it, her eyes glazed over as she took another sip of champagne. "Alright," she conceded. "But only Daniel. And only just before the summer break. We can't risk anything before then."

Jenson nodded, taking her hand in his and giving it a gentle squeeze. "We'll tell him, and then we can breathe a little easier," he promised.

Michaela took a deep breath and nodded in agreement, the warm water of the tub soothing her nerves. "Okay," she said finally, a hint of excitement lacing her voice. "Just Daniel."

✼. taglist:⠀

@cha-hot @certifiedlesbianbaddie @nichmeddar

@d3kstar @thewannabewriter @hwalllllllelujah

@thearchieves @doodlehunz @evie-119

@bxdbxtxh @seaweed-orchid @glitterquadricorn

@99snse @ginghampearlsnsweettea @alliwantisadonut

@hiireadstuff @emilyval1 @anotherblackreader

@sv5beehives @mynameisangeloflife @tellybearyyyy

@melancholyy-hill @vallusvsu @futuristiccroissantlampsludge

@treehouse-mouse @sunfairyy

[aihoshiino]

chapter 134 thoughts!

My immediate first thought going into this chapter and seeing how it picks up from last week's cliffhanger is that while I thought last week that this conflict served as an excellent character beat for both Ruby and Kana, I feel less positively about it as the catalyst for long term RubyKana conflict. Maybe that's hypocritical because I like the similar AquKana conflict back during the LoveNow aftermath and this is basically just a roided up version of that but… IDK, I guess it helped that the AquKana conflict is very clearly a romcom style miscommunication and it ends up leading to one of my all time favourite and funniest character moments for Aqua, this… isn't that. In general I really hate the old tried conflict trope of "Character A betrays or is otherwise cruel to Character B For Their Own Good and refuses to communicate about it" so this was kind of irritating to see…

It also really doesn't help that Kana is going SO above and beyond in being cruel to Ruby here in comparison to the AquKana conflict where her short-sighted lashing out was being mostly played for laughs but still came back to bite her. There's just something a bit excessive in how deliberately and pointedly cold and mean to Ruby Kana is shown being here and I guess it just feels a bit icky to me though I obviously can't make a proper call on all this til we see its conclusion.

I also have to question like… why is everyone around them just letting this happen lol. Memcho not intervening I can at least make sense of because she's been shown to be feeling off her game and a bit out of her element so I could see all that combining to make her uncertain of what to do but… uh, is Miyako not paying any attention? Admittedly the timeframe here is a little vague so we don't know exactly how long this has been going on but it's been happening at least long enough for Ruby to be going to school and fretting about it to her friends. So the idea of Miyako either being unaware of this or not intervening in this is really baffling to me??? Especially off the back of chapters 124 and 126 making a point of how badly Miyako wants to reach out to Aqua and Ruby and support them as their mother - the only way I can justify this to myself is if Miyako somehow doesn't know this was going on but how would she not know??? Like, we see Gotanda and his assistants fretting over Ruby crying after her scenes! If they're well aware something is wrong, why not Miyako? She's Aqua and Ruby's manager! This is a Strawberry Productions produced movie! We've seen her on set before! Is she just… not here now that it would be inconvenient for the plot?

(The answer to that is 'yes')

Uh all that up there does make it sound like I disliked either this or last chapter but I actually really loved them both for reasons we'll get into soon! I think they're both strong individual chapters and as points in RubyKana's shared arc I actually do really like this conflict, what it says about them both and where it seems to be taking them. There are just a lot of small, piled up contrivances pushing this conflict along and I think they annoyed me so much BECAUSE I otherwise think this is some really tasty character work for both girls and I'm otherwise enjoying it.

My bitching aside, I do really like the talk that follows this. I've been revisiting a lot of the earlier material recently via friends re-reading or giving the series a try for the first time so I've been back in that space of Ruby being particularly starstruck with Frill. It's sweet to see their present day dynamic where Ruby is fully comfortable with Frill just as her friend and trusts her enough to share her worries with her.

aw hey minami we thought you were dead

This entire scene really got my brain gears whirring and I can't help but speculate a little about its placement. At first I was just nodding along, thinking this was just Industry Exposition as usual but… isn't this odd? We don't see how Ruby phrases this question so maybe she was vague but from an authorial standpoint, why is Akasaka having Frill talk about love instead of dislike or hostility, which is what is actually going on between Ruby and Kana? Reading over that scene again and again, I can't help but wonder… is this supposed to be taken as some commentary on what's going on between Ruby and Aqua? Is Ruby developing confusedly romantic feelings for him purely because of their 'playing the roles', so to speak, of Sarina and Gorou? After all, the only other similar 'showmances', so to speak, that this could be referring to are AquKana and AquAka, neither of which quite fit the bill, especially when Frill talks about immediately snapping out of those feelings once the show is over — which didn't happen in the least for either pairing. Is this a hint of something to do with Ruby's feelings? Am I reading too much into this??? I mean, I almost definitely am, but I do that every week so…

Hopping over to Kana, the scene between her and Memcho itches my brain less mostly just because it's reiterating things communicated last week. I've said all I'll say about it feeling weird to me that Mem isn't making a move to intervene here but I do like the talk she and Kana have about their human jealousy towards Ruby. Honestly, I have a lot of respect for their being able to push it aside for so long because… honestly, none of what Kana said is wrong!

The second generation of B-Komachi exists for Ruby. Strawberry Productions got back into the idol business entirely so Ruby would have a group to be part of. Kana and Mem were recruited so Ruby would have unitmates to perform with. It doesn't revolve around her to the extent the previous generation did Ai, but in a very real sense Kana is correct when she identifies herself and Memcho as 'extras' for B-Komachi, who exist for Ruby's sake. Not only that but Ruby honestly treated them really badly while she was in black hoshigan mode! Yes, we as readers know what was going on in her head and why but think about how all that probably seemed to Kana and Mem who had no idea: From their POV, what happened was that they broke into mainstream success at last and Ruby immediately left them in the dust, prioritizing her own growth and success in a way that had a very real impact on the fan response the two of them got while they were busting their asses and trying their best to keep B-Komachi going in her absence. I don't think they would be wrong to feel honestly kind of used and hurt!

Obviously this isn't me saying that Ruby is a bad person or that she deserves to have Kana snap at her like that or whatever but… I dunno! It just feels good to have Mem and Kana finally address those feelings and admit to them without it compromising their genuine love and care for Ruby, which is one one of the main ways that the current gen of B-Komachi has surpassed the previous one. Kana especially touches on something I discussed last week in that I think her half of this shared RubyKana arc is going to be about confronting and besting her 'inner Nino', so to speak. Like Nino, she has those same tangled up feelings of admiration and envy, but Kana is capable of confronting them and identifying them. Most importantly, she loves Ruby enough to not let them take her over completely.

ANYWAY FORGET ALL THE REST OF THIS STUFF BECAUSE THIS WAS SECRETLY AN AI POST THIS WHOLE TIME MFS!!!!!!!! oh god this chapter review is already so long and now it's about to get even longer.

Anyone who's read any of my OnK meta before will probably know that I have always stood by one thing that I won't compromise on: Hoshino Ai was just a normal girl. She was a normal girl who suffered abuse and neglect and hated herself as a result, who was exploited by the entertainment industry because she was pretty and vulnerable, who didn't understand people but spent every waking moment of her too-short life reaching out so she could try and love them. The idea of Ai being fundamentally mysterious or unknowable, that the so called 'real Ai' had some horrible dark secret or that the supposedly 'true' Ai really was as horrible as Ai thought herself to be have never resonated with me. The 'real me' that is so horrible that Ai can only speak of her with black stars is nothing more than the flawed, hurting, abused human behind Ai of B-Komachi. I've said this all along and yet there's always been a little part of me worried that Akasaka was going to pull a fast one and betray that idea and rupture the heart of this character I've come to love so much.

To that end — I cannot tell you how insanely fucking cathartic the ending of this chapter was. To have Ruby at last come face to face with her mother as a human being and recognize her for who she really is. That this key final puzzle piece of the real Ai is centered on her pain and her loneliness and her raw humanity, that Ruby describes her as just a normal girl who was always crying and in pain… I genuinely don't have words to say how incredible it felt to finally, FINALLY have someone recognize Ai's suffering. And not just anyone, but one of Ai's children, one of the people she loved more than anything else in the world.

The imagery and framing here is so insanely powerful. Ai taking the place of Ruby's reflection, the look of weary, resigned pain on her face. How small Ai is when Ruby sees her. The barrier of the glass between them; even now in this moment of understanding, the unbreechable barrier of Ai's death keeps Ruby from truly reaching her. It almost feels skeuomorphic in how literal the visualization of this moment of connection and empathy is. Ruby literally sees herself in Ai — she sees Ai in herself. It's pure empathy made as real and tangible as it gets. At long, long last, someone has squinted past the blinding light cast by Ai of B-Komachi and seen Hoshino Ai alone in the shadows where she's been this whole time.

Break next week…! That was to be expected — Jump Festa 2024 will be taking place next weekend and there will be a OnK panel with the seiyuu for Ai, Aqua, Kana and Akane in attendance. We're confirmed to be getting some season 2 news as well, so there's that to look forward to!

[carbuncle-paws]

Do you have any personal head cannons for Peter?

Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this, things have been a bit hectic irl lately (I'm ok though don't worry!)

Hmm it's a bit difficult to answer, since a lot of stuff has already been specified for him either in canon or by other fans. I have some things that come to mind, but forgive me if anything here is already floating around or isn't that unique:

Here's one you might already be familiar with from the fic. Whenever he plays pokemon he tries to find a snake to name Rattata.

His favorite games are/were ones focused on animals in some way, like creature collectors, animal crossing, spyro, etc. Also puzzle games (I think that one is canon if I remember right?)

He's bad at games that require a lot of patience or trail and error. The fromsoftware ones are a great example.

Growing up he was made to feel ashamed of outwardly showing interest in things (part of why he had an explosive falling out with the goth phase, although he probably would've still grown out of that gradually) it comes from and amplifies his negative-self image. Maybe his therapist made that worse?

He has a lot of interests you'd never know about because of the aforementioned trauma, like you won't see him collecting fan merch even if he really likes something. If he were to get something like that, he'd hide it as if it's taboo. A supportive relationship might help him work through that, idk. The very few interests he outwardly shares are either sanitized/something he thinks is very 'normal,' or things he's too attached with to give up.

Another thing related to the trauma above, he used to really enjoy video games but stopped as he grew older. He still plays the occasional phone game (canon) but justifies it as filling time while waiting.

A lot of the negative opinions he has about other people are projections of his own self-hate. So when he monologues... Well, take this quote from the game: "So many people, crushed by the weight of the world, and now they're just husks. They're dead dreamers in a world of shadows, ghosts unable to see past their little bubble of self indulgence. Pathetic." He is very much talking about how he feels about himself, even if he doesn't consciously realize it. Seriously, check out shadow work if you haven't yet, it's interesting stuff.

Oh, and he's flexible enough to use his own mouth on himself, but he doesn't do it often.

That's all I can think of for now! I might come back and add more, we'll see.

[radical-community-care]

between sixth form, my part time job and trying to see my friends i feel so mentally tired and drained and i dont get any revision or homework or anything i love doing (like writing, piano ect) done bcs i just feel so stuck and idk how long i can keep going before i completely mentally give up, have you got any advice?

Dear anon, I am very sorry that it took me so long to answer! I had to take an unplanned social media break and then had some pretty bad health issues (on the mend now) and didn't even manage to open my inbox until two days ago.

anyway, thanks for your patience, I hope things are manageable for you! <3

afai sixth form means that you're old enough that school isn't mandatory any more. I'm gonna be that bad influence that tells you to drop out of school.

schools, unis etc are NOT places to learn (they don't even tend to teach students how to learn, let alone consistently encourage independent thinking, cooperation, nor acting on what you learned or on your conscience). they are part time prisons for children at worst and factories for fancy diplomas at best. plus abuse runs rampant.

they don't teach you stuff that you couldn't learn better elsewhere - if you need it at all. they train people to be be employable and reward them with certificates that basically say "I am good at being exploited for labour, dear boss, please consider exploiting me"

you already have passions and things you like devoting time to - school detracts from that. you're creative!

school affects you severely and I don't want you to hurt yourself for some promise that frankly they don't deliver on. When I went to school I thought schools and unis were the Best places to learn and degrees and diplomas were super important for my future. nope. not true.

I see it as a pattern of abuse now - getting ppl to put up with health destroying hardships and absurd demands (like dictating when you can and can't go pee or eat or stretch your legs or chat with friends, all of which hinders learning!) by holding up some future price. and making promises that are simultaneously ridiculously high ("education opens up the world to you!") and insultingly low ("we'll give you a piece of paper with some grades on them" so that you can apply for jobs but no grades nor jobs are guaranteed plus even if you get one, don't count on making a living off it).

even IF the promises were true, it would be even more unjust (and in many ways is) because formal education acts as a gatekeeper to do many things that get withheld from ppl for mainly racist, classist and sexist reasons - playing that game won't make it get fairer or the world better. besides many of those things are just more capitalism.

If you do decide to keep going, at least stop doing homework - it has been proven to give no benefits to learning. it's just a waste of your time and energy and you're worth more than that!

see if there are other unconventional or anarchic ways to save your time, energy and sanity. this is not just applicable to school btw! you need it at work and when dealing with ppl in general. I'm thinking of things like:

don't obey demands or suggestions unless you really agree that they are the best idea

train your independent thinking, decision making and acting...

as well as how to work together with others as equals

if someone wants to force you to waste your time, energy, talents or insults your intelligence or value as a human being, LET THEM WORK FOR IT

yes sometimes we need to do stuff we don't want. but those times are FAR fewer and farther in between than authorities and social norms (including politeness) would have us believe. AT LEAST let them work for it.

don't be contrarian just to be contrarian though - cooperate with people you value and who have earned your respect and support

strengthen your bonds with friends and people who have similar problems as you, or where you see that you can help them with something they might not be able to do on their own

validate and support others who question or subvert injust or stupid authorities

what I'm doing and wish I'd started decades earlier is to radically cut out any abusive or oppressive person, institution or force in my life. and to build up true friendships and healing relationships instead. to build trust in myself and train my discernment and act on it. to build a good and trusting relationship with myself and my body above all.

there are many ways to get by other than what this oppressive society tries to feed us.

my personal favourite is a combination of mutual aid networks, supportive friendships, connections to nature and the land, and cooperatives or collectives or guilds or associations that work and produce and often make money together without a boss and without being driven by capitalism, but by collectively agreed upon values instead. maybe with some theft, squatting, and other illegalised activities thrown in, as a treat. depends on your risk analysis though.

I'll tell anyone to put their time, effort and hope in those over school/work any day!

and like I said, moving towards tolerating bullshit less and less in all aspects of live and valuing yourself, your agency and time and effort - that should help too in case other institutions or bosses or family or friends sap your energy.

I hope I could give you some support and food for thought, whatever you decide to do with it!

feel free to ask more questions, I'll do my best to answer them more quickly from now on!

[convxction]

SHIPPING INFO. answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog.

what’s your OTP for your muse(s)?

self love. jk. tbh i love all possible spouses for c.hrom because each of them is unique and adds to his personality and life. away from canons, i love my friends' ocs who are in relationship with him Rebecca, Takako, Lacie, Robin and Eira. My precious <3

what are you willing to RP when it comes to shipping?

Almost everything? I don't mind exploring any situation and plotline. I love exploring things, especially if it makes things semi realistic, as possible, not the uwu boy meets girl and now kiss~ nah fam.

how large does the age gap have to be to make it uncomfortable?

This is kind of question that gets you roll eyes no matter what you answer lmao. Personally, between 10 or 12 years as long as one of the parties are in the 20+. tbh i find some age gaps like 20 are cool to explore if the other is "old" and tired of life and suddenly upbeat and lively person be like hewo do you want to love life again? thats kind of cute the vibe of giving someone's life colors again. anyway yeah. as long as things make sense and legal lol

are you selective when shipping?

Honhon yeah. i no longer entertain everyone because I used to think everyone is fun and willing to write fun things and explore ideas and not just the 'imma book this muse ehe~' and bail out on me haha. we gotta have that telepathy moment lol. so yeah i want the good time not just booking muses so i can have their names in my relationship page like some sort of badge or achievement. dont get me wrong i understand what burnt out means. i dont want to control my partners' lives lmao. just be ...my friend too??? not just oh i lost interest in my muse, i will now proceed to ignore you. and yes it happened. a lot. and it is very annoying. ANYway, communication then communication then communication then just having fun. thats the key, yes.

how far do steamy moments have to go before they’re considered NSFW?

asking the person who sucks at writing it but uuuuuuuuh. when someone starts sliding dem fingers down the other's clothes and proceed to undress them. yep.

does one have to ask to ship with you?

I mean thats the way? unless you can say all the dwarven rules lmao then ask permission haha. jk. or is it? yeah i think of myself as friendly as a moogle. you are welcome to state your wish and we'll see if things can work out or not~

how often do you like to ship?

idk what to say 'how often'??? whenever a spark happens im not gonna shy away from trying out the ship. if it works then yey if it doesnt then thats a new exp for the both of us. and lets be real sometimes they can become the best of friends and it warms my heart to see we can still make out something in the end. HEY! even if they turn out to be rivals or heck enemies! thats kiss chef too dont think i dont support these relationships. i looooooooooove them.

are you multiship?

I guess so. I tried one time to make it a single blog and it was a painful experience when you pour all your heart into this ship that you missed potentially fun and interesting ships because you want to be loyal and then you get abandoned on a drop of a hat ahahahaaha. But yeah, I am not though I want to keep it single ship per muse portrayal. I won't ship with the same muse UNLESS all parties are ok but first and foremost your portrayal is different and gives new meaning for their relationship. i'm not here to horde everyone. been there saw that happened i dont want to do the same to others. its not nice feeling.

are you ship obsessed or ship more-or-less?

im here begging on my knees for people to befriend chr.om and not just ship wise but any sort of relationship. i dont want my blog to be ship centric anymore. i want FUN AND INTERESTING AND ANGSTY AND FLUFFY AND MIND BLOWING THINGS TO HAPPEN IN HERE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

what is your favorite ship in your current fandom?

a couple years ago id yell c.hrobinnnnn! now im too old for this war so forever and always ... Chrom and Shepherd pie. ask alm about it. jk. currently?? i dont have a preferred ship over the other; as i said above, i love them all. they each add something interesting about chr.om. tho in general i'd say ultimate ship is krumb and becca <3 we have built a lot over the years so basically it is kind of main ship at this point haha. rebecca my beloved <3

finally, how does one ship with you?

100 PUSH UP, 100 KILOMETER RUN GO GO GO. talk to me, really. i dont read minds. if you want to try something go ahead come and say yo what do you think? and i'll tell you lets go. lets see where this can go. but sometimes i know it does not work right from the get go so don't be sad or dejected if i said nah fam it wont work. sankyu kupopopo

tagged by: @gamenu [sankyuuuuuuu <3]

tagging: @isaaccecilbryant , @wayward-sword , @pieman1112 , @toestalucia +akira and anyone else if you wanna rant mwah <3, @psychcdelica (your pick), @dcviated (your pick), @coolrpblog , and you ! i tag you!

[steddie-island]

20 Questions for writers

I was tagged by @runninriot over 2 months ago Thank you friend 😘🥰

I've done one before but I like answering these types of questions so I'm doing it again.

No pressure tagging @wynnyfryd @stervrucht @wormdebut @mugloversonly @augustjustice

Pressure tagging @v3llichor who saw this over my shoulder and said "I wanna fill one out!" 😂😘😘

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37, all but 1 of which were posted between October of last year and now. Which I'm really proud of. 🥹 The only other fic I'd written and posted was for Frasier back in 2020.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

63,421!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write Stranger Things mostly, but I've written Good Omens, Frasier, and Destiel (I haven't written for them in a loooong time though.)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Just Because We Get Around (Part 1 of my Fuck his dad series. Steve is Dustin's dad, Eddie is Dustin's college friend, they fuck nasty and then there are feelings. It's silly and cheesy and I still love it even if I think about renaming it at least once a week. 😂)

Mutually Beneficial (Written for this art by @2jihiir0 😌 There may be a part 2 coming if I can ever get Inspired to work on it again WE'LL SEE!)

With Extra Nuts (Eddie sees Steve in his Scoops uniform, they fuck nasty in the back room about it.)

Dustin's Dad (Has Got Me Down Bad (Part 2 of Fuck his dad, wherein Dustin finds out. 😌)

Vixen (Steve wears lingerie to a Christmas party. He and Eddie fuck nasty about it when they get home. There's a pattern here. 😂)

5. Do you respond to comments?

It definitely takes me some time sometimes but I try to! Even the ones that are just like, hearts or a laugh emoji. They took their time to not only read my fic but to leave a comment and I want them to know that I appreciate it. 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I had an answer here but I had completely forgotten about A rush kinda like the old times (I still cross your mind). It's Stommy, with Tommy reaching out to (fem) Steve after he gets engaged. There's lots of reminiscing but it's bittersweet because Tommy's clearly not happy, and Stevie isn't going to give him what he wants.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I have a transfem Steve series (Wallpaper, Long Haul, Candles) that gave me so much joy to write. I don't really write unhappy endings (IDK maybe that'll change but I kind of doubt it. to quote T Swift, "I'm just too soft for all of it.") but these three just. I'm really proud of them. Part one is Stevie coming out to Robin, part 2 is Eddie, and then part 3 is Stevie getting dicked down a happy ending to her birthday. I was nervous to write these, because I'm not trans. None of it is from Stevie's POV, it's from the POV of the people who love her. And that's what I wanted to show. A beautiful trans woman who had been through so much hell before life decided to throw gender stuff at her, getting to come out, getting to be herself, and getting so much love and support from the people around her. 🥹🥹🥹🥹

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thankfully no (knock on wood)!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

All kinds? We have monster fucking and some good ol' sapphic steddie semi-hate fucking and some Steve playing Billy Loomis (with the softest fucking aftercare in the world, tbh). 15 of the fics I've posted are explicit (it feels like there should be more but I think that just means they're all in WIP purgatory, who knows when/ if they'll see the light of day).

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have one I've been working on for months that's a Marmalade/ Baron x Eddie fic but I also haven't touched it in months. 😅

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of (knock on wood again).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so but that'd be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not one that's been posted yet but I actually have two written with my spouse that we're going to upload eventually!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I love Steddie, I've found so much community here, but I would be remiss to not acknowledge the fact that Destiel had such a strong hold on me for years. I've made so many friends because of it, I literally met my spouse writing it.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I honestly don't know. I'm intending on finishing the ones I have started but my WIP folder is kind of daunting so. Who knows?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Even though I don't write it often I think my angst is pretty good. I've also been told that I make things feel very alive, and that's something I try hard to do, too (and am glad that I can do, I've only been writing for over half of my life even if I'm only just now posting it! 😅)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action scenes. I struggle SO HARD with action scenes. It's something I'm working on, something I've been working on for a while, but I feel like my pacing is way off and needs a lot of work.

I also can't write slow burn to save my fucking life. I just want them to get to smoochin' already!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I would do it but I would want to be so careful and not have a scenario where I translate it as one thing and someone comes along and says "she said he smells like dirty socks and liver" or something. 😂

19. First fandom you wrote for?

That I posted, Frasier. First fandom that I started writing for in general was Spn!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

This is the same answer I gave last time but I think it has to be Don't go where I can't follow, which was I think my 2nd Steddie fic? It's under 1,000 words but it's the one I've reread the most. There's lots of hurt/comfort packed into those 990 words. It was written as a kinktober prompt, written in an hour and posted in the middle of the night and IDK. I just really love it.

[fluffypotatey]

Hi again! So, in your Human LMK AU, what's the magic system like? Is it a mundane everyday thing that everyone or mostly does and can do, or is it a secret society thing? Is SWK a part of it legally, or is he more involved in the shady part? Is it like the Heavenly Court? How would you implement the Brotherhood into this setting? Was SWK born with magic or did he sought it out? What D&D class would he be? What magic are you giving SWK? I'd give him shape-shifting and transmutation personally, but unless you have other ideas for him, I'd support you. About Macaque? If you'd like to give him some other magic than shadows, how about wind and/or death? I'll wait for more info on the AU. Have a good day!

OK SO I ACTUALLY WROTE THE SYSTEM DOWN YESTERDAY ARE YOU READY :)))))))))

in the AU, magic is an everyday thing, yes, but we don't really focus on the mundane & casual magic here bc to the characters, that's nothing to really sneeze at. we do focus on how magic interacts with people :3 i call it "magic flavors" currently, but the name will probably be changed in-story. it's honestly just easier for me to understand what i'm saying by calling it flavors

so about these flavors.... (imma just copy/paste what i have in my notes lol):

The different signatures and tells that identify each magic user’s type is a person's own flavor of magic

Depending on the magic and how it interacts with others, there might be a positive or negative reaction

MK’s “meatball incident” where the food was either hexed, jinxed, or cursed and his magic is adverse to those types

SWK & Mac’s magic, though on opposite ends, interact positively with the other because the two have grown up together and know each other’s magic so well.

swk & macky are childhood friends to enemies to lovers and so they grew up used to the other's magic that even while enemies, neither of them feel affronted by the other's magic, nor can their signature harm the other unless the user themself chooses to do so

Even as enemies, their magic still reacts positively unless SWK or Mac make it harm the other (this does take some energy tho but it drives both of them up the wall with frustrations– mostly Mac)

Manipulates the different energies around a user and the environment

Meaning: the energies their signature of magic manifests itself in a type of magic that is the most suitable for them

and from a person's type of flavor you get your typical magic types (elemental, spatial, photo, and whatnot, idk the special names they have) and even with a user in those types of magic, they still have their own differentiation that makes their magic their own. the example i use in my notes is Mei's and Red Son's magic. in the AU, both characters are fire mages, BUT while Red Son's fire is your stereotypical red flame, Mei's is green

basically, magic is different for each person which is why you have times where people are adverse to other magic their own is not used to.

and then the notes go on to talk about Magic Circles bc when any character casts a spell, just like in the show, a magic circle pops up, and that is also differentiated/specialized for each magic users. i won't go into it here bc i do want space to answer your other questions, but just know Magic Circles are an important symbolic part of the AU. honestly, most of the magic in this AU has a thematic and symbolic feel to the story bc this is the only way i am able to create a sustainable magic system for myself.

Is it like the Heavenly Court?

i'll be honest, i have not gotten to the Heavenly Court in the brainstorming process as much. they don't really have much of a foothold in where the story is currently going, but we'll see!

Is SWK a part of it legally, or is he more involved in the shady part?

ok so, since i already established that magic is sort of like a normalized thing in this AU (urban fantasy and similar to lmk's own magic normalcy), imma use this question just to talk about my boy <3

Sun Wukong, in the AU, is the most powerful mage of all time (fitting with his op prowess in jttw) and is kind of a modern celebrity in this world. that being said, his rise to fame happened in an interesting way. originally, Wukong started out in the "shadier" side, think underground fighting ring and stuff, and gained the name Monkey King from how a lot of his offensive moves and magic could be likened to a monkey's flexibility. even though Wukong was known far and war in the underground world as the best offensive mage, Wukong did crave to make a name for himself out of it (also, this was when his relationship with his parents was at its worst because they believed he was sinking his future & he wanted to prove them wrong)

his first real news outbreak was more negative than positive, but Wukong took it in full-swing (any press is good press) and ran with it. and while this is where the backstory gets a little fuzzy, just know that Wukong was someone people knew to be an all-round bad dude, nobody was able to get a good picture of him (any who tried either got their camera destroyed or head smashed in). he wa ruthless and craved people's fear. at some point, Wukong is eventually captured and sent to some kind of magic prison which is where he meets Tripitaka, and to save my plot-holey self, just know that from then on, Wukong worked to improve himself & when let out, turned a full 180 and used his powers for good, which led to his infamy switching from fear to adoration.

which is the wukong we meet in the AU

How would you implement the Brotherhood into this setting?

they would be swk's old pals when he was menace. other than Macky, they would be the only one's who would notice any significant changes in swk's magic and fighting skills. Azure, if you would like to know, is very miffed about it, and Peng never thinks to consider that maybe the secrets he could be spilling are stuff swk doesn't want to be spilled (they do consider, but ignore it anyway). Yellow Tusk...idk he's there (sorry T^T haven't touched on his role)

anyway, their inclusion in the story would be much later, so i'm ok with keeping it vague

Was SWK born with magic or did he sought it out? What D&D class would he be? What magic are you giving SWK?

imma just answer these all here lol

in this AU everyone is born with magic, or rather, magic interacts with you even when you an infant. what i have in my notes is that magic develops with the user in this AU. depending on your age or mental state or even your growth- magic grows with you.

as a mage develops, their magic would evolve with them. it depends on the user how their magic signature changes but the colors and feeling of it will stay stagnant (maybe more saturated or forceful but stagnant all the same)

so yes, swk was born with magic, but also yes, he did seek it out and hone it down in order to be the very best (like no one ever was).

as for DND class....i'd still say monk, but with the AU maybe a multiclass of sorcerer and monk????

ok so swk's magic is, uh, interesting to say the least because he does push the boundaries of how a person can manifest their own magic. so his magic focuses on light, clouds, and shape-shifting, but the real kicker here is shape-shifting because manipulating clouds and light is easy. a piece of cake for him. but manipulating himself??? manipulating his body into taking shape of another person or animal or inanimate thing???? that is something swk can't help but experiment with.

can shape-shifting just be him enlarging himself? with his magic, yes. can shape-shifting be swk turning into a gigantic kaiju monster? yes. can shape-shifting be swk impersonating his parents so he can go on a class trip out of the city even though he's grounded? yes.

About Macaque? If you'd like to give him some other magic than shadows, how about wind and/or death?

so i will admit to unoriginality bc Macky does have shadow magic in this AU 👉👈 BUT! he also has smoke magic and illusions ✨✨✨ also unoriginal, i know, but they fit so well for him and wanted to write it!

so his shadow magic will be fairly similar to how he uses his shadows in the show, but with smoke, that's just because i know he'd use it to be a dramatic bitch <3 illusions is sort of to complement swk's shape-shifting since while he can't reconfigure his own body, he can make it appear as if he had. (also, macky's magic does complement swk's and i kind of like their magic complementing each other, sue me)

but yeah, there you go!

[septembersghost]

I went through that with John, his music is so special to me but then I had to deal with the fact that he sucks as a person and I don't support him at all and I thought I had to give up the music. I detached it from him and keep the music for myself now though. I already decided I'm going to listen to SNTV and it's not about supporting her, it's because it'll make me happy. idk if we have to answer for every artist's mistakes and faults we'll never have time for anything else.

and this is totally fair, because the art is what has significance and beauty to you. you're allowed to decide that for yourself and to keep personally meaningful things. taylor's also, frankly, incomparable to actual "bad" and notably harmful creators (particularly abusive men. also gentle reminder, because i keep seeing it mentioned, that the jet discourse was proven false/incorrectly researched and was basically a hit piece), so at some point when does criticism and disappointment in her personal choices and very poorly handled PR statements become hyperbolic outrage? that's not to say you should ever blindly go along with anyone. it's hard! it's not something that has a simple solution or even one definitive path, it's up to each of us to decide. there's one 1975 song i really liked before all this (happiness), am i evil for liking it and does liking it condone m***y's gross behavior? no. are we hurting anyone or pretending john is a great guy by listening to and enjoying (off the top of my head) slow dancing in a burning room and neon and half of my heart? no. (besides, if we can divorce these guys' art from their personalities, why can't we give that space to her?)

it's an unfortunate reality, but if we eliminate everything ever created by people who are flawed or make mistakes, we'd have nothing left, and sometimes people are outright awful, but successful nonetheless. that's not to excuse it, that's not to say we shouldn't be mindful and aware, that's not to say we shouldn't ask for accountability. it's disingenuous, if not somewhat dangerous, to pretend good art can only come from good people (or worse, morally pure people, because what does that even mean?) - and i say dangerous only because that line of thinking bends very easily towards conservatism. (we really do not need to reinvent the hays code or a new form of guilt by association mccarthyism, that's not the road to progress and better representation and equality). we definitely can, and should, pick and choose what we engage with for our own happiness and peace of mind, but we can't decide that for others. some hard lines are uncrossable with art to me, but many things exist in more complex areas. anyway yeah at some point is punishing yourself achieving anything? or would you be able to make a REAL difference in some other way?

[nerves-nebula]

oooo your answer about belos changing up how he treats hunter gives me thoughts. (this turned out longer than I planed but I have so many thoughts

slightly off topic but kinda related is the concept that Belos is only able to inhabit dead/decaying things, and how his human body actually 'died' but he's been possessing it. Eventually it gets difficult to keep that up though. But based off that I think his change in behaviour is because of how divided he is?

like physically he's been torn from his human body and splattered to pieces, and the only amount of him that was able to actually get to the human realm was only a small amount of his body.

So like, he just.. doesn't have all his thoughts. His memories are scrambled and his goals are mixed up because he isn't whole. (Plus I'd imagine he's probably disorientated in the human realm, it's nothing like he thought it would be and still not like the demon realm).

So with his faulty thinking he just. Caleb looking person? Sounds(?) like Caleb? A person he's able to connect to (back to the belos-possesses-dead-things. Hunter is made up of parts, a lot more susceptible to the possession goop than a """real""" living person. But not susceptible enough that belos has full 100% control).

Which to Belos? He might interpret that as a sign that it was destined rather than coincidence, plus with Flapjack around (probably one of, if not thee thing Belos viewed as "entrapping Caleb into the Demon Realm" the lines between Caleb and Grimwalker blurred too much.

tldr belos physically lost a large part of himself, therefore his thinking abilities are highly altered, and with all his psychological stuff going on he latched onto the only thing he really understands, wants, and knows after his world(s) have been destroyed; Caleb. Even if it's not really Caleb, because what else could drive him now?

And alternative that's funny-sad-not-funny is that Hunter could've been a nickname Belos gave Caleb because they were witch hunters, and he's been calling the grimwalkers that for irony, but when they become too much like caleb he just.. why not accept his brother is back?

been putting off answering this cause of business & wanting to give it a proper amount of thought/attention but I JUST

AUGH

I FUCKIN LOVE THIS IDEA. I LOVE EVERYTHING YOU'VE SAID HERE. Idk how supported by canon it is but its not exactly REFUTED and it's just!! REALLY fun ????

Like, how did I not make the connections between Belos possessing dead things, grimwalkers being partially "dead" in a way, he fact that only a tiny amount of goop escaped- meaning he might not be "all there" because of his body being so utterly decimated.

I also fucking ADORE the idea of Hunter having been an actual nickname, maybe like a kind of pet name Philip and Caleb threw back and forth at each other? I might integrate that into my Kidnapped Caleb AU, we'll see.

It's sooo weird cause he acknowledges that Hunter isn't Caleb (talking to Luz about how he'd thought this "one" was a lost cause, he clearly knows Hunter is his creation) but then he keeps calling him his brother/Caleb and its like MY GUY. WHAT are you DOING.

And yes belos is SOOO obsessed with saying things are "destined" to happen I can see him having An Emotion and just, latching onto it as Destiny. That's basically what he's been doing for 400 years why STOP THE HOT STREAK NOW!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi there, I totally understand if you don't/want to answer this because its a stupid story in which i am a stupid person who makes stupid decisions despite knowing better, and also didn't do the right things at the right time. i am going to also navigate my moral failings at a point which ig might be a seperate ask idk we'll see. also its a whole long story and i have some kinda problem where i struggle to work outrelevant information, i'll prolly realise and then send a shorter ask later.

this time last year I slept with someone that had active herpes sores. they were on their first outbreak and were taking an anti-viral to deal with the symptoms. As a teenager I went through a brief period of sleeping around a lot after the end of my first relationship, with pretty much total strangers (i was around when you could use tinder as a 16 yr old, if that dates me at all) and at a routine sti appt several months after i'd 'calmed down' a nurse took a swab of a sore and said there was a good chance it was herpes though it might be too late to tell (clinics were once a week where i was and i wasn't prepared to travel 20+ miles on public transport to get it right time-wise, i know, wrong and i am sorry). the test came back negative but i just assumed i had and didn't get a blood test because of everything i'd been told about herpes. never had another 'outbreak', any signs of one i was straight on that bus and it never came up positive.

Fast forward to the future, I had had one partner that i disclosed that i may but had never had a positive test and we used protection every time. It really harmed my self-esteem and i felt unable to start another relationship after that breakup because disclosing felt like such a nightmare (I still feel I messed up in disclosure, even though they had coldsores on their face before we met, idk) but i then met this person, and we got on really well and as they had gotten theirs from a cheating partner, i felt like i should be as supportive as possible, especially considering at this time i also considered myself a person with herpes. I wanted them to avoid the shame and 'unfuckableness' i had been stuck with for years. When they said they wanted to fuck me, I went with it. I wanted to use protection, and they tried to talk me out of it (yano, feels better kinda thing) but i stuck with it because there are other reasons. The second time we slept together i caved to them though.

it ended up helping me though, as after they ghosted me for a month (i got covid rly soon two days after we last met and told them, then there was a kind of radio silence) i met another person and disclosed to them and they were cool with it. They got tested when they went back to their home country 1 and 3 months later they were clean (other than ureaplasma but we don't test for that in my country so idk what to do onthat one).

I then decided to get my blood checked (igG) because i thought that i needed to be able to show people that i absolutely had herpes rather than feeling like people werent believing me (?) when i told them, which ig they were because i said 'i have herpes' to them but idk a document seemed more official. and then i wouldn't panic about lying to people accidentally or w/e. this was before twelve weeks from sleeping with person A so when it came back negative i was thrown horrifically. At this point it's worth mentioning i quit alengthy and pretty horrible drug addiction and ended up sleeping with the person I'd asked to look after me in this time (again with protection) and several weeks later i remember feeling like i was going to die when i got tested again, twelve weeks after contact with person A. I was so relieved because I didn't want to hurt the person that was looking after me when i was getting clean, especially as I had failed again.

So i am with no positive blood test, I am thinking of getting another test again because i still can't bring myself to be near another person in case i give them herpes. I was just wondering if it was worth it, if even if i was carrying it i might not have antibodies because the virus was being 'covert' or something. yeah i guess that's my question. does exposure mean infection, do i need to disclose that i know i have had contact with herpes, will a test do anything?

anon this has had me, my housemates, and my group chat absolutely agog for the last 25 minutes and counting.

if you've had multiple negative tests then the odds that you have herpes are extremely low; it's very unlikely that getting bloodwork done will find anything different. having sex with someone who has an STI is not a guarantee that you will catch it, and if you've never tested positive there's no need to tell partners that you have herpes because that's factually inaccurate. having had sexual contact with someone who has herpes does not make you inherently risky.

it's worth noting that even if that were the case, then functionally the entire population of sexually active humans would be at risk - it's estimated the between 60 and 90% of adults globally have herpes, which means that nearly every sexually active adult must have had at least one sexual partner who's infected.

I don't like to armchair diagnose anyone with anything because that's not my field and it's none of my business, but it does maybe seem like there's some shame around sex here that's being channeled into the belief that you must have herpes. clinging to that belief isn't actually helping any of your partners or, crucially, you. I wish you nothing but health and safety as you work towards sorting these feelings out.

[interestsofabookwormbitch]

Season 1 Episode 12

I have like 5 and a half hours until I have to do anything, so like, I'm finishing the season.

So what's gonna happen to Noah, cause that solution kills aliens. I fell like they can't just let him die rn.

Back to the original crash. Oh, he's telling us the story! Ok, I'm listening.

Yeah people do very much suck. Just slaughtering what they don't know. Unfortunately it's very believable.

Also, he went back into the pod for years? Because I'm hoping that the aliens aren't immortal types and that we're gonna have to deal with that.

Wow, ok, that went on way longer then it originally seemed. How didn't they hear her at first idk.

So he woke up the night she was attacked? Did he leave the pod then? Or was he able to observe from inside or something? Just still wondering about that aging thing is all.

Yeah, this is gonna take her time to process.

Michael! Torture really? Isobel is literally right there. Maybe a little more sensitivity? Lmao

No but honestly, I get wanting the information, I really do, but Isobel has been through a hell of a lot recently (finding out she murdered Rosa, nearly dying, finding out she was controlled, finding out it was her husband who she loved!), so I think she deserves a bit of time to process.

I am worried leaving him in the pod is gonna end badly, but we'll see.

Ooh, hand print. I think she should tell the others. This may not end well.

Alex and Michael. I'm tentative things are definitely gonna be playing out strangely for the next little while considering this love triangle we got going on. I both hate and love triangles. It's s confusing mix of emotions for me.

Yo, an alien prison. I am so down for learning about this.

Also denial over it is expected, but tbh, I think more surviving makes more sense. There's probably tons of aliens running around Earth right now. I'm excited to see.

I really love how much I've grown to like Kyle, like in episode one everytime I saw him I felt nervous he was gonna do something bad, but now he steps out of the car and I'm happy to see him. Such a change.

Honestly getting things off her chest may be a good thing

Then again maybe not. That didn't seem to bode well.

Liz is feeling it too. The connection is very much there.

Ooh yeah! Story time. Sucks that Michael is missing it, since, you know, he's the one who wanted answers.

Ok, Noah is a fucking creep. Like that's so violating.

I mean kinda, but they do need him for answers, so I guess not.

You know, I like that Alex just keeps fucking hacking into everything. It's kinda funny.

I mean yeah. I guess seeing Alex and Kyle being all friends now would be weird considering everything.

Kyle's back on my shitlist! JEDI? STAR TREK!? How dense can you be!?

A map? Noah is horrible honestly.

Well, can't say they didn't try to tell Michael I guess.

You know Liz gives really good advice, and is great with other people. And yeah, Isobel is gonna be going through quite a bad time right now.

Ok let's see what's up in this prison! Who's the alien, sources (that's me) want to know.

Well, looks like we have to wait to find out. Also tbh, the soldier gave me a jumpscare lmao. Alex dealt with it quickly though,

Wait ok, A) they know each other, B) Manes on the clothes. Is this his brother?

He did not tell you, you figured it out and hacked his information, but I support the lie.

Waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait. Ok first of all. Genocide bomb. I mean what also would I expect from the military. Specifically US military who have deployed atomic bombs. Secondly, this paranoia has got to go. Literally never have they even tried to make peace with the aliens. Started slaughtering on impact and even if that were not the case, where is the evidence of a genocidal invasion? Other than Noah that is? One killer does not make a whole species bad.

Also don't think I didn't notice the wall reference. I feel like this show is really trying to connect the aliens to immigration. Like obviously we have actual immigrant in the show, but you can draw lots of parallels with the aliens as well

Ok, his brother is dumb. Divulge all information, than only afterwards realize their dad didn't send him.

I was gonna try and say something about Max needing to let Isobel do what she needs to, but she's just doing it in the mind, so he can't stop her.

Max needs to chill with his protective behavior. I mean its understandable, but they're all adults, and he can't get the final say.

Ok, so at least the handprint is known now.

Isobel is saying what needs to be said in there, which is good, not so sure how I feel about Liz and Max's conversation rn. I'm on Liz's side though.

Honestly, I think it's fair. Liz doesn't want to kill anyone. And who really does. Noah may deserve it, but she doesn't deserve to live with that feeling.

Isobel don't listen to him.

You know, if this were a horror movie I'd say "don't open that door!" But it's not, so please please please open that door! I wanna see what's inside.

.... I just realized I'd die in a horror movie .....

Michael, don't get jealous. I mean he's gotta know there's nothing there (like Kyle is straight straight, so...) so is it just a "Why is he doing stuff with him not me?" Idek what there is to be jealous of tbh. Kyle went to Alex even lmao. They're his letters.

Anyway, he also has no right considering Maria so... lmao. I'm kidding around right now.

You gonna kill your brother? What? Like as if his claim of trying to protect Alex growing up wasn't just laughed away, he them makes it even more obviously wrong by straight away jumping to fratricide. I can't even. Like it just feels ridiculous. Let your brother in without proper clearance, tell him everything, realize he's not supposed to be there, get mad, spew things about childhood, threaten to kill him. Like, it's all just too much. I can't even get the anxious.

! I jumped so bad omg! That alien man scared the shit out of me. Ok. Now what to do with him (maybe them if there's more), cause this is not an ok scenario. But also, what'll happen if they let them out?

There's so many of them! I can't this is not okay. Look at how they're treated? They've been tortured for decades. What'll happen if they just let them out? But you definitely can't leave them there. That's not humane.

Who's this one? Is that gonna be like his mother, or maybe even sister from his life before. Just so you know I will fucking cry.

Ok, they are so badly guarded here. Anyways, I don't like Michael going into a cage. Like at all. That makes me nervous.

N-38. No contact, but they still keep locked up for decades. There's something up with that, obviously. Like that's the point. But I'm just curious what it is. But also, can this lady leave. We need to be alone again

😲😲😲😲😲 HIS DAD! omg, they sent his dad in there! That's why there's the code.

I hope he doesn't get mad at the alien, not that man's fault.

She can take people with her? Or is it just Max

Ok, um, idk what to say. Them being able to murder others to get stronger makes me uneasy. Do I think our aliens will? No. Does it make me feel less comfortable about the other ones? A little. But I won't pass judgement. I'm sure there's other ways. More things at play. For example that healer. We never actually met her, but she spent her life healing, not killing.

I also don't like the poking at Max here. I'm assuming it's cause Max seems the most inclined to violence though. I mean he's thrown many punches throughout the show, he wants Noah dead, and he has a bit of a temper. I think this prodding might just get to him for a while. Isobel too even, since it makes them have to worry about there own tendencies and drives

Oh yeah the creep. Yeah, ok. Hmm. This is very much a concerning conversation that I'm not exactly finding myself enjoying.

Ok, so his brother is being blackmailed, and that threat wasn't to be taken seriously. Thank God, because I didn't.

Fuck the violent nature that is popping up is really not the energy I'm loving. Also, where's Michael? Please tell me he's not still by the cells.

But also, even if violence and murder makes them stronger, even if they have an inclination towards it, they're still innocent. They didn't hurt anyone, and we know they can live normal lives just fine. Even using their powers isn't always bad (the cancer giving one is eh) so yeah. This is still 100% wrong.

Kyle really went on an emotional rollercoaster with his dad this season. I do agree that if his dad did that stuff he deserved what he got, but I also feel really bad that he realizes that. That he needs to come to terms with the awful things his dad did. Still, can't believe there was a point I felt Kyle would betray us and basically be one of these guys. Ha! As if looking at him now

Fuck. Noah, just fucking ahfka ugh! I just want to know what's going on.

Well, they need to get the antidote then.

Or not. Hmm. See I think we're still gonna end up healing him though. Maybe collect some of that powder? So he stays powerless? Idk. This is gonna be messy no matter what.

Ok, so yeah, Max has it. He says it's so Liz isn't technically the killer, but I'm not even entirely convinced he won't use it. I literally have no idea what happening.

Michael. Look, I'm curious, I want to know who she is too. But I am very nervous. Ok powers seem like a really bad idea here.

Yeah, they definitely were. He needs to run. Like get out now. I'm sorry about the woman, and even all the other aliens, they don't deserve this, but that being said, Michael really cannot be caught. I will lose my shit if he is.

Agjshdjsb ok turn to dust hmm. Well, he's not getting caught, but these aliens are all gonna fucking die if they do nothing! But what can they do! Ooh, I think we're gonna end up letting them die. Ah shit ah shit. I am not okay with his one bit. I mean, Alex, get Michael out. Please do, but if all those aliens die he is gonna feel horrible. Oh I don't like this scenario one bit.

Yeah, ok, Max is giving him the antidote. And sorry Jenna, but I'm pretty sure there is no better way.

Jenna! That's so. Hmm. I feel really bad for her. She really is a trooper and an ally. You want a girl like her on your team. I'm gonna miss her if she's actually leaving. Unlike every other person saying they're leaving, this one I believe. But you know, it's probably better for her this way. Not being involved in this stuff.

I'm actually gonna cry over her leaving though. For her nothing good came of all this.

Aw ok great, sure, let's just keep the tears coming (I'm speaking metaphorically, I am teaeing up, but I will not ruin my eyeliner, so the tear are not allowed to fall). Seriously they're going to have to leave the aliens to die, he's so desperate I can't.

Stop Alex. Stop Michael. Stop both of you. I am trying very hard not to ruin my makeup. See you know what. This blog actually makes it worse since instead of just getting through it, I'm prolonging by pausing. Fuck me. Lmao

NOT THE FUCKING ALIEN LADY! BABY MICHAEL! Fuck you! Fuck you for doing this!

I am just sitting here in annoyance at this show. I'm in my school library watching. How dare it make me feel emotions outside of my home.

I am trying so hard not to cry right now it hurts. I think a couple tears did fall, but not enough to ruin my make up. We're fine.

We're not fine. But we'll fake it.

I actually don't know what to say right now.

Ok, Noah's still sick. So no antidote yet. Seriously let him die, I'm over him. Also fuck you, "humans don't have meaning we do" fuck that shit. Who wants to be told what they're meant to do in life. We make our own meaning, so there.

I get worrying about the aliens, but yeah, I think Alex is right. You want some level of justification. People don't like things to happened without reason or meaning. We like to think that we, and the people we look to to tell us what to do are good. But that's not always the cause. Sometimes, often actually, humans commit atrocities in the name of some unknown good cause. It's not there. A lot of what we do and what we see happens for evil. Which isn't what we want, but it's the truth.

Well um, Michael's back. He missed everything with Noah, and something tells me after the day he's been through, he's not gonna be happy about missing this too. Especially since he was the who wanted answers.

Ok, a fight, I don't like this. Not one bit. No no. Michael, I want answers too, but I also kinda want Noah to die.

MAX! Put that gun down!

You guys! What the fuck! Not cool

[80s-roger]

Flirty & Insistent

Pairing: 70s!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

note: female reader's ethnicity will not affect the person who reads it. She's just greek and she already has a name but the POV will be in second person.

also, i won’t post smuts/series as often as i did until next month, due to uni’s exams period. but i’ll reblog and stuff, u kno. I’ll work in the meanwhile your requests xx love you all 

ps i worked hard on this one, i hope you like it as much as i did. feedback will be massively appreciated.

requested by anonymous:

"Plss write something smutty about roger being a massive flirt and being soo cheeky the reader(after trying acting indifferent and unimpressed) eventually gives in to the temptation of letting him have his way with her?? 💕💕 "

masterlist // dialogue prompts

summary: you left your country a decade ago to study in the UK and after graduating you established in Mallorca, Spain to work as a mixologist. That summer night, you're working for a party arranged by Queen's management to celebrate their "A Day At The Races" era success. The blonde drummer notices you fixing drinks with confidence and doesn't lose the chance to flirt with you. He's just trying too hard because you play it uninterested until he has his way with you.

word count: 3,933

warnings: surface sex, slow burn (becauase they were talking a lot before, idk if it really is a slow burn tho)

A huge party was taking place in Mallorca, with the famous rock band Queen being the main guests of the event. You were one of the bartenders so all you had to do that night was fixing drinks for every person until they'd be shitfaced. The preparations were ready: the event was hosted at the beachside, opposite the calm waves and the golden sand. The sunset was magical to stare at, ready to welcome the bright moon. You had a moment to appreciate it before guests would come at any moment. It was the only thing that reminded you of your ex without feeling angsty about it; you gotta admit you didn't break up with good terms. It was toxic, yet heartbreaking. You loved that man but he left after cheating on you. It's been half a year and you needed to give yourself a break from dating and making out regardless of how social your job is and how much flirt you've received.

The guests arrived, minute by minute they'd get from fifty to hundred. Many people were coming to your counter to order drinks and cocktails. Beautiful women and attractive men would try to flirt with you but turned them down politely saying while you're working you can't do otherwise so they respected it. All these people were actually invited by Queen, their management and the entire record company. They were all celebrating Queen's "A Day At The Races" success and certainly the band which were yet to be seen until midnight.

You were working your ass for a couple of hours now until the band showed up. You could tell by the huge welcoming. The applause, the cheers and definitely women cajoling over them. Here they were standing in the centre of attention, thanking everyone for supporting them and buying their records. Their music was playing at the stereo and you couldn't prevent yourself from jamming to their songs.

When their speech was over, everyone was free to do what they wanted so your bar counter was full again with people chatting and drinking. You saw the entire fucking band coming to your place, obviously for an order. You tried to stay calm because hands-off, you liked their music and fangirled a lot when you saw them live last year in London with your boyfriend.

"Hello beautiful, can I have some Moet & Chandon, please? I really need to celebrate!" Freddie spoke first, carrying a wide smile on his face.

"Sure." You kindly accepted his offer.

"I'd like the same with Freddie." Brian interrupted when you moved behind to grab the expensive bottle and open it.

"So do I." John added and you nodded to grab three glasses, for now.

"And you?" You turned your gaze to the blonde handsome drummer who was already checking you out, focusing especially on your face.

"What do you suggest?" He asked with his eyes being totally flirty.

"Ah, darling, just give us the bottle. Roger is kind of undecided when it comes to drinks." Freddie felt the weird vibe growing between Roger and you. John and Brian giggled, looking whether at Roger or you.

"Eh, our waiter will do it for you. Just sit at your table and he'll take care of you." You kindly warned and he laughed.

"Oh, alright then love. We'll wait for our bottle." He laughed and left with his bandmates, leaving Roger and you alone.

"So? What do you suggest?" Roger turned his gaze back at your eyes.

"What do you feel like drinking? Something sweet, strong, alcohol-free?" You asked trying to help him but he was certainly not trying to find what to drink. He was clearly trying to flirt with you.

"Something to keep me up all night, I guess. But don't make me feel dizzy." He put on a crooked smile and hell, he was attractive as fuck. He knew how to play.

"Right, how does a mojito sound?" You recommended.

"Sounds nice and local." He smiled and you turned around to grab the ingredients. "Are you local? 'Cause your accent doesn't sound British to me." He asked, trying to start a conversation.

"Eh no, I am from the Mediterranean area though." You laughed after turning again to him.

"Italian?" He guessed.

"Greek." You answered.

"Oh, I've been to Greece twice." He started.

"Really? When?" You turned your gaze surprised. You had no idea he has come to Greece for holidays.

"Two years ago I was with my ex-girlfriend, in Santorini. The sunset there is amazing. And the next year I went with John and Brian to Crete. We needed a dose of some Mycenaean civilisation. Thankfully we weren't noticed by fans or anyone else. We were clearly there for tourism." He explained. You were impressed he's seen your country, visited two of the many islands your country has.

"Well, we had some political issues when you guys came to Greece. We were recovering from the junta and had some important historical issues by the end of 1974 so I doubt they'd run behind you, no offence." You laughed while fixing his drink.

"Oh, that's bad. But I understand. How come you're here in Mallorca being a bartender?" He asked and leaned closer to you. There was a nice conversation going on.

"Before junta ruled my country, I was sent to England to study because my parents thought I would be privileged. Now you see me in Mallorca because I work here and besides, I wanted to live somewhere that reminds me of Greece. Studying abroad has the privilege of learning a new culture, a new way of life and so on. Which is so wrong for the locals back home." You explained and cut a slice of lemon before having it ready for him.

"Wait, by saying it's wrong, you mean that..." his brain stopped working for a second trying to understand what you meant.

"Patriarchy is the keyword. They want women to get married at 18 and start a family. But obviously, women have to stay home." You were triggered at your words and internally thanked your parents for giving you the chance to go abroad.

"Cheers to your parents then. I wouldn't get the chance to meet you tonight." He was impressed by your short storytime. "How do I say bottoms up in Greek?" He laughed after you placed him his drink.

"It's pronounced áspro páto." You smiled after saying a Greek word. It must have been a year since you last spoke Greek. You haven't visited Greece for a long time. You found yourself in Mallorca. It's spiritually free and not restricting.

"So, I haven't asked you yet. What's your name?" Roger asked after drinking. He made an oddly satisfying grimace which meant he liked your drink.

"Oh, it's Ellen." You answered. His gaze was literally focused on you the entire time. He wouldn't give up this easy.

"So Ellen, make yourself a drink. It's a treat for you." He offered and you kindly accepted. It's not bad, you've been offered many times. Besides, you needed a drink to stay energised.

"Thank you, Mr Taylor." You thanked him and then his smile vanished.

"If you want us to be in good terms, it's gonna be Roger." His hand was warning you.

"Thank you, Roger." You slightly smiled. "It's just that..." you stopped and checked around if your boss is nearby. "We are obliged to speak to our guests in plural." You whispered and he nodded. Possibly understood the situation.

"So what are you doing later?" He asked after swallowing a sip of his mojito.

"We're cleaning the mess and we're heading homes." You said after drinking a shot. A treated drink.

"I'm not talking about your colleagues. I'm talking about you." He was straightforward. He was so into you, it was obvious.

"Oh well, I'll clean up the mess and I'm heading home." You changed the point of view trying to cut off his flirty attitude.

"When's that time? Dawn?" He guessed.

"Probably at the morning. It's a Queen party, I doubt people will leave before the sun rises." You rolled your eyes sarcastically.

"So..." he started. "Have you been listening to our music?" He asked.

"Yes, since your first album. It was brilliant for a newly formed band." You said with a huge smile on your face and he appreciated it. He appreciated that you didn't fangirl in front of him, having that humble and uninterested attitude. He liked feeling like a predator trying to catch his bait.

"What's your favourite song of A Day At The Races?" He asked. He likes talking to people about his music.

"Definitely Somebody To Love." You affirmed, feeling passionate about your answer, that it seemed you could relate your existence to this song.

"Oh, it's a band's fave too. Well, you relate to this song, don't you?" He asked and his body was closer to yours. The counter was the only thing beside you.

"I guess I do." You looked down for a moment, thinking of your ex but his hand touched your jaw trying to lift you up. Your eyes were looking into his and this is how you noticed how blue they eventually are. An ocean.

"Is it about a guy? I'm sure he doesn't deserve you." He tried to cheer you up with his soft smile.

"It's not that. It's..." you sighed. "Well, this is getting too personal." You pulled back trying to stop the situation. But he wouldn't abandon his try.

"Do you have any specific lyric of the song you relate the most?" He asked.

"Yes, there is that one: I've spent all my years in believing you but I just can't get no relief, Lord." You kind of explained the situation within a couple of lyrics. "He cheated on me. He had the audacity of saying it to my face and left without looking back or apologising." You nearly tore but tried to keep it for yourself. This is getting too personal and you're opening your heart to a stranger that you feel comfortable with. Maybe because you've been listening to him and his bandmates for years and you've seen him live too.

"You know..." he looked down for a second trying to find the words. "At least he was honest. He could keep you for his entertainment if things didn't work with the girl he possibly slept with." He tried to wake you, but he was right.

"I don't even know how long he was cheating on me. However, I did notice a weird behaviour in the last couple of months we were together." You answered.

"Be happy that you're not with him anymore. He took your love for granted. This is not how it works." He said with his eyes still focused on yours.

"You know, we once saw you live. Last year." You tried to avoid talking about your ex the entire time.

"Oh! That's great! Did I look nice?" He joked and he gained a laugh from you. That made him feel nice.

"Definitely, you always look nice." You took a moment to check him out. And hell, he looks and smells so nice.

"I'm flattered." He smiled and you pulled back again to do your job. You could see your boss staring at you. That wasn't good.

"You better get going, my boss is supervising us." You said and he got the hint. You were as cold as you could be.

"Sure, will I see you later?" He asked and stood up from his chair, ready to leave.

"No. I'll be too tired by then." You answered and he was saddened by your reply. He thought he had you. His flirting wasn't sufficient. Which means he had to try again.

He left and walked to his bandmates, they were there talking about their success until Roger joined their conversation but it changed as soon as he sat on the sofa next to Brian.

"So, how did it go Rog?" Freddie asked and they were all ready to hear.

"She seems so uninterested and hard to get, I have to try again." He took out one of his cigarettes, ready to smoke and think.

"Ah, your type of girls Roger." Brian laughed. "You like feeling a hunter don't you?" He added.

"Of course I do. But she recently broke up and I reckon she's still into him. How do women's brains work anyway?" He asked, frustrated.

"Oh darling, I don't see her as stuck with her ex as you think she is. She's been avoiding your flirting because she works here." Freddie had a point and John nodded.

"Just wait for her shift to end and make a move. She noticed you were flirting with her." John suggested and they all agreed to it.

"It's gonna take hours. She said it's possible for the party to end after dawn. She also has to clean up with her colleagues." Roger explained and turned his gaze back to you. But you were already looking at him and when you noticed, you turned back to your counter.

"Fine, then do it now," Freddie advised and Roger looked at you considered. "Wait where's she going?" Freddie asked after noticing your figure leaving your position.

"James, would you mind taking my place for a moment? I really need to use the bathroom." You called for your colleague who politely came to your counter.

"Sure, go ahead. I'll be here as long as you need." He smiled and you left for the bathroom to take a very needed pee.

"Shall I go after her?" Roger asked.

"Fucking go!" Freddie pushed Roger to run after you no matter how awkward it would be.

You walked in the staff-only bathroom, rushing to the toilet. After drinking a few shots, you needed to pee like a champion. When you pushed the flusher you unlocked your door and the very first thing you saw, was Roger standing at the wall.

"What the hell are you doing here, get out!" You were shocked by his presence and he wouldn't move.

"This is the only chance I have with you right now. Your boss can't see us." He came closer to you.

"No, but he'll get suspicious!" You tried to pull back until you reached the counter. Now you were sandwiched between Roger and the counter. There was no space between you. His face was coming closer to yours.

"I locked the door in any case." His nose tickled yours and his hands placed you on top of the counter, sitting now and having his bulge, against your area. That feeling is the shit.

"I work here, I can't..." you tried to refuse but the feeling of getting fucked couldn't stop you.

"I can't be in this toilet too, but here I am." His lips touched yours with passion and lust. His arms wrapped your waist and lowered down to your arse, squeezing it gently and your hands moved to his neck and his cheeks, trying to hug most of it. You haven't gotten kissed nor fucked for a long time.

Living on the west side of Europe had given you many opportunities. The situation you're currently now couldn't even be referred to Greek religious people as a joke. They'd freak out and tell you crap like you ashamed your honour, your family and your future husband. Your parents were too open-minded to let you live in West Europe and live your life as you wanted to. You had sex with your boyfriend at nineteen, with no need to be your first wedding night, you wear shorts on summers because you feel like it and now you're having a one night stand with a rockstar of a band you like and it's never gonna be the same anymore. You played it hard-to-get because you felt it was wrong. But it wasn't. It's just one more experience to add to your diary.

"Are you sure you want to do this, here?" He stopped the kiss for a second, to ask for your approval.

"Yes, but let it be fast, or I'll be in trouble." You checked at the door. "Are you certain the door's locked?" You asked.

"Yes, I am. It's just that..." he stopped.

"What?" You were scared he regretted it and he'd leave you like the mess you already are.

"I want to get more of you, but in this counter, I don't have the chance. I'll cope with it." He unbuttoned your suit while your hands tried to unzip his jeans.

"If you stay a little longer in Mallorca, you can get more of me." You winked and he smiled, thinking he has more chances with you.

"Works for me." He whispered and turned to your lips again for a passionate kiss.

He helped you with taking your suit off, now staying on your bra when your hands put his jeans down. "Mind taking your bra off?" He asked while his mouth travelled your neck, giving it soft kisses.

"I'd rather wear it..." you refused taking it off after gaining a lot of insecurities because of your ex-boyfriend. You remember him saying how small your breasts are and with that, no other man can see it. Your A-cups haven't be seen by any other man. Not even by your ex after the second time, you had sex with him.

"As you wish..." he didn't insist and pulled your skirt up, on your waist, with his bulge rubbing against your core and turning you instantly wet. "How long has it been?" He asked after noticing the humidity between your legs with his hand.

"Must be eight months. I'm out of practice." You sighed.

"Don't feel bad about it, I'll do the work. You're already wet for me. I like it." He bit his lower lip and turned to your lips again, for a deep kiss. "God, you are fat-bottomed aren't you?" He smiled between the kiss after squeezing your thighs and your small waist. "I'm starting to have a thing for greek girls." He complimented your body type and that boosted your low confidence level. With a simple move, he placed you against the mirror, taking your thong off your left leg to have clear access inside your wet area. His hand pulled his erected penis out of his black underwear, ready to thrust inside you.

"You better start before I cum untouched." You exhaled and balanced yourself at the counter.

He smirked and trusted inside you, feeling him completely weird inside you, maybe because you haven't had sex for more than half a year. The sensation was amazing and penetration was always the thing that released you from thoughts. His hands squeezed your thighs and each thrust was a try to pull you closer to his pelvis. You couldn't stop breathing heavily. You had to be quiet and so did he. It was a staff-only bathroom and the key was turned horizontally so no-one could break in with a spare key.

"Oh god, this is amazing..." you moaned at every pleasuring wave while your hands played with his blonde hair.

"Fuck, yes, you're so tight and wet for me." He tightened his teeth as he exhaled into your ear.

His thrusts were giving you the orgasm you haven't had for a long time. It was the tension between you, that made it more passionate but fast enough to make you come earlier than you thought. Soft whimperings coming from your mouth sent him the message that you were close enough and so was he. You could tell by his sharp thrusts, getting smoother and sudden. His gaze was focused on your eyes. Your sight was getting blurry and your legs began to shake; it happens when you reach your orgasm and it feels terrific.

"Ah, God..." you moaned and tilted your head behind, where the mirror is. "That was so refreshing." You gasped after wearing your thong again.

"Ain't gonna lie, but this WC shag was the best I had." He laughed and wore his underwear and jeans again.

"I can't make comparisons to it, I've only had two boyfriends in my life and this is my first time fucking a stranger at my workplace's restroom." You buttoned your suit and stood up from the counter to fix yourself.

"Stranger?" He asked confused.

"Stranger, Roger. I mean, I do know you're a rockstar, a member of my favourite band and I've seen you live once but it won't change the fact you're a stranger. I know you as a persona, not as a person. You get it?" You tried to explain how it feels.

"Oh, I see." He nodded. "Will I see you again? I want to know you as a person if you want that too." He suggested.

"Sure." You kissed his cheek gently, letting him take the lead. You wanted him to make the move. "I'll just walk out from the WC first and make sure no one sees you when you get out." You said and walked through the door until someone tried to get in. A knock on the door was heard.

"Ellen, are you still in there?" It was James.

"Yes, I'm coming." You internally panicked and hinted at Roger to hide in the toilet. "Hey James, is everything alright?" You asked after opening the door.

"Yes, I wanted to check on you. You were absent for a quarter. Are you okay? You look like a mess." James liked you for a long period of time but he wasn't your type. He's way too cute for your standards.

"Yeah, I'm fine... I just felt a little dizzy and wanted to wash my face with cold water. I needed it." You lied after checking your face in the mirror. You were red as a tomato.

"Oh, fine then. You should get back to your post. The boss has been looking for you." He pointed outside and you felt really bad about it. Your boss suspects you since the moment you started chatting with the blonde man hiding in the toilet.

"Alright, I'll be back in a minute." You closed the door to his face and rushed to the toilet where Roger was hiding.

"You're a cute little liar, aren't you?" He teased and gave you a little slap on your butt cheek.

"I won't be anymore if my boss finds out." You rushed, trying to leave the toilet.

"How will I reach you?" He asked trying to learn your phone number.

"Just come at my post and I'll hand you a drink." You declared and left the room, heading fastly at your post. You stared at the Queen members, looking at you all smiles and winks. They probably knew what happened a quarter ago.

You fixed another drink for Roger, trying to look calm and relaxed. But you weren't. You were tense and it could be seen. Two minutes later, Roger came to your counter again with a crooked smile on his face, waiting for the drink. He was looking whether at his bandmates or you. There was absolute silence.

"Here's your drink." You smiled and handed his drink with a small paper around the glass. He carefully grabbed the paper so it couldn't be seen and walked away, heading to the balcony.

He grabbed the paper, unfolded it and there was your phone number and a note in it: "thanks for giving me a good time Rog"

He smirked at your note and placed it in his pocket, anticipating the moment he'd call you.

[sweetbunnykook]

I just want to say that ofc we'll miss your writing but your health and well being are much more important. So take as much time as you need and get your life together, and you can start writing again when you feel inspired, or you might not even write again, whichever one is okay. I just really really hope things are better for you soon. Idk when you'll read this bc you said you wouldn't be replying to asks but oh well Love you 💕💕

Bunny We love you. We're glad you're staying. A and I were so sad when you said you were leaving, but we understood and supported your decision. You're so loved and so cherished. You deserve all the happiness in the world. -💜💜💜bang-tan-bitches

Hello bunny it’s been awhile! I used to check your blog everyday but I’ve been so busy with school! I came back to see that you aren’t feeling so good unfortunately. I support you 100% if you think leaving is better for your health. I just wanted to thank you for helping me with my own issues,your stories and posts help me a lot. I’ve came to love your personality and the laughs you’ve gave me while fangirling over Bts.I love you girl! And I hope you find your peace I really am rooting for you❤️

Hey I've just discovered you last month but honestly?? You are so incredibly sweet and kind. You're so interactive with everyone and honest!! Whether you deactivate or decide to stay and just go on a writing hiatus is okay as long as you feel happy!! ٩(^ᴗ^)۶ 🌸dahlia

Hwaiting, Bun! People might be upsetti like spaghetti; bc youre so quality. Youre not gonna lose that overnight. Take a break if you need one. No matter how long! If you want an in between mayhaps still be active just not as a writer. Just another blog on the tumblrs who reblogs things. 💞💖💞💖

Aww Bunny! Obvis do whatever you feel is comfortable. You dont 'owe' us anything really. We just want you to do whats best for you. Youre writing is amazing, so are your tags and reblogs. Things'll be different n change but giving yourself time to focus on life outside of this can be good. Step back from contact as an author, maybe? A sideblog for fun reblogs? Your tags are so funny and relatable Bun! Something to transition back into. Whatever you do, know you have our support! Take care Bun 💓

#1 Hi Bunny! It might be weird that I send you that message but I really wanted to tell you that whatever you'll do with your blog now, people that truly like you won't be all too mad about your decision. You're one of the main reasons I actually created a Tumblr account, but not only because of your astonishing writing but also because you as a person are wonderful. At least what you show us of yourself (even though I doubt that you as a person are less as nice as you are here).

#2 So whatever you decide to do now, I hope that it can help you feeling better! Okay that was awkward and I'm really not good with words but I hope you get what I wanted to say 💜💜

thank you for your work that you’ve contributed to this site, and I wish you nothing but the best in the near and far future!! you’re a wonderful person, and im glad you’re doing this for your own mental health and emotional wellbeing! we’re supporting you from the sidelines!💞💞Nooo i’m so sad, i just found your blog like a month or two ago and you’re leaving 😭 guess i’ll just have to make an ao3 account now lol. I hope you’ll take care. Love you so much 😘😘 

 Thank you. I found your blog at a time when I needed it most. I was lost, depressed and lonely. There was a time that I ended every night on your blog just reading stories & asks, laughing & getting giddy at your answers about each story. I'm sad you'll be leaving but am grateful for your stories because you built a world that I could escape to & I love you for it. I hope you are doing well & I just want to let you know the influence you stories have had & that you have touched many

These are the asks that made me rethink my decision on deactivating. I love every one of my readers dearly and I feel like I need to work on my communication skills more because I often felt pressured to produce work all the time and it has made me stressed when I’m feeling enough heat from my reality with school and work and personal problems. You guys are the light of my life and I’m so happy that this community has stayed the same no matter how many followers I’ve gotten in the past few months ❤ people have been so kind and so warm and you have all made me laugh so many times than I can count. I will forever be grateful for these messages. 

So please let me compile the anons under one message and thank you all for the love you’ve given to me and my writings 💕 I love you all. 

- ���

[kpopsshipsposts-blog]

Hello again (lmao sorry if your getting annoyed from all the request) but can I please have a ship with pentagon and monsta x? Black curly hair, brown eyes, dark skin, chubby cheeks, curvy body, 4'8 and I wear glasses. I am multilingual, I currently know 2 languages fluently and is learning 3 New ones now. my hobbies are editing, making aesthetic collages. I love to do photography, listening to music and sleeping. At first I'm shy quiet and awkward but as soon as you get to know me..... I would describe myself as 4D still is socially awkward, nice caring, understanding, supportive and calm, clumsy. I love smiling and laughing! Which is what I do most of the time. My friends say I have a cute laugh ( Idk why it sounds like I'm hiccuping😂😕). I can be mean, blunt sarcastic and sassy sometimes but I'm just joking around. I am a dirty minded person 😂 (just a little). I do cuss/curse alot I try not to but its hard. For me in SOME situations I cannot say no cuz I'm too nice. I love sweets and I eat them alot too. I will say the most randomest things, ask the most randomest questions and just do the most randomest things at any given time. I really love horror stuff and anything related to horror ( especially Paranormal Activity) but I'm a huge scaredy cat 😂😅. When I listen to music I kind of sing along with the song. My dreams someday would be a photographer, therapist or a singer. My favorite color is black, gold and purple. My favorite season is autumn and winter. I really love rainy days. I am scared of frogs ( past experience) birds, dogs, dead animals, graveyards, Heights, deep water, small gross bathroom stalls. When I'm listening to music I also like to write lyrics to the song I'm inspired by and listening to. I don't like reading or writing that much but when I do write ( like a story or an essay) people/ teacher compliments how nicely worded it is ( does that make sense? Idek😂). I love babies! They're just so cute but I do not like to deal with them when they're upset or when I have to change their diaper (EWWW!😷😷). I act childish sometimes and I whine alot. I love amusement park rides they just so thrilling and fun! This is really weird but I love taking an early morning walk ( like 6 or 7 AM)while listening to music one of my favorite things to do. Not really important but I'm a picky eater I will always refuse to eat vegetables ( except for sweet corn) I am struggling with self-love and social anxiety and so when I get complimented about my appearance or my work I'm very in denial of it. When people/ my friends are upset or sad I always hug and comfort them. I am a listener and we'll listen to anybody's issue or problem without judging. I am sensitive and cry a lot but I don't let other people see that. I also LOVE showing affection/ skinship to my friends but if they're not comfortable with that ill stop. Same goes with me hitting them (lmao I know it sounds bad but let me explain) so in general I hit my friends playfully ( according to them its aggressively) I hit them on the shoulder, the back of their heads ECT. My friends (I know I start with that sentence a lot but I don't know who I am yet so.....) they say I'm also very fun to be around with (sometimes). I'm Ambiverted. Lastly my friends say I'm kind of the mom of the group (KIND OF!). Sorry if it's a lot! Thank you so much if you actually decide to answer this I love your blog so much keep being you, stay healthy and happy hun!💓

----------------------------------------------

Hi sweetheart! No problem! Thank you for liking this blog ♡ @ilikekpopdealwithitbish here are your ships!

Pentagon:

Kino

This child... Get ready for his aegyo and silliness. he laughs a lot, and looks like he enjoys laughing. He's a bit of a big baby so be careful with how you use your sarcasm around him 😂 seeing as though he's one of the maknaes he really does take on that role. He pouts a lot and doesn't like being teased. He'd love to do aegyo to you to try to get you to give in easily to what he wants. he'd love to bring home sweets and you guys can just chillax and watch movies together. For dates, maybe... A walk anywhere. Maybe go to a football game sometime?

Monsta x:

IM

Ay, this kid too. He'd love that you can make dirty minded jokes because he's a little bit of a dirty person himself 😂 he'd hate to see you cry or be upset because of anything. When you feel insecure or anxious he'd definitely be there to help you over come your thoughts. He'd be a sweet caring bf. For dates, movies or bowling sounds fun ♡

I hope you like your ships!

[superrrswag666]

after being together for not that quite a long time but also not that very short but cant say how many because idk just incase🤷‍♀️ i started having doubts:( i started doubting if we were really meant to be together because i always thought that she deserved better because she wasss sooo amazing and i always thought of myself as ugly and u know other stuff... ive always been insecure with myself and my depression and self hatred got the best of me and i stopped being idk a good gf to her??? i really wanted to be the best gf to her because she already was. and i started to think of things like how i shouldnt be loving someone else if i couldnt even love myself and i really dont know what she sees in me and how she could even love me. i really tried my best to be a really good girlfriend to her and i really reallyyy loved her with all of my heart. but she started getting even busier and i started to feel unloved but i always showed her my support and love. but my depression got even worst and i started to keep things to myself and i couldnt tell anyone the problems in my life and i dont think thats how relationships work and i dont think thats how relationships should even work. and because of my depression (now i feel like im blaming it all on my depression and im really sad about that) our relationship started to drift away because i started not talking to her that much anymore and i started to message her more coldly until i stopped messaging her... i really regret it because she didnt deserve that and i didnt really wanna do it but did i really loved her or did i only loved that she made me feel loved? but i realized that i did love her but when i said sorry to her i... didnt get the answer i wanted. she broke up with me and i understood that because what i did was really selfish and really bad. and i never wouldve thought that our relationship of us would end because i did something selfish... because all throughout our relantionship i was all about giving and giving and giving. sometimes she didnt even return it. even though i dont know anymore what to say or type now... i really wished i didnt do it then we probably wouldve broken up and/or i really wished that i couldve said a lottttttttt more to her before we broke up. but i probably dont think ill ever will and i dont know how to move on or if i should move on because a part of me thinks that if i talk to her again maybe we'll get back together even if it'll take quite some time but... i know that probably wouldnt happen and maybe she's happier without me and she's even better without me:(((( now all i could do is look through her social media and the posts that she's posted and it really makes my heart but i dont know why it makes me happy that she's smiling in her photos. she was the only one that made me not kill myself through out those years and ive had some attempts but i couldnt do it or it failed. i kind of wish that i did it and it worked when we were still together or when i havent messaged her/ghosted her but i dont wanna traumatize her or something:( she deserves the happiest life! i wish we could grow old together but now all i rely on is watching bojack horseman to feel comfort and theyre not even real. i feel all sorts emotions to myself and its all of the bad ones! i dont know how ill ever love myself or how it'll stop but i also dont know if ill ever reach the time that, that happend or if it'll ever happen. i have so much more things to say and this story isnt even all of it. i cant even study or breathe or do anything normal without feeling my heart hurt or needing to check id your online or needing to see your pictures, our chat and if youve posted:( im really really bad at explaining and talking to other people but im surprised that im even capable through here. i wish for her to have a good life and a good future preferably with me but really painful to admit but will still say "even without me":( i still love you and i know you'll never get to read this but deep inside of my heart i wish you can because i'll never get to say these things2u