#we really are incredibly similar and imo get along great

[bikananjarrus]

okay!!!!!!!! so!!!! the acolyte ep5 thoughts!!

below a cut this time, because MAJOR spoiler warning!

where to start, where to start. oh yeah. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO MY GIRL JECKI????? TO YORD???? like jecki was bad enough, but then YORD TOO???? ALL OF THEM???? 😭😭😭😭😭

okay, but actually trying to break down some of my thoughts (all based off just the first watch; my opinions may change as the episode marinates a little longer).

the good stuff:

the hand-to-hand combat remains REALLY strong in this show. mae and jecki's fight was fantastic. it was fast, and it was great seeing the differences between this and mae's fights with sol and indara. sol and indara are much more experienced, so they're moving around mae, she's barely landing a blow. jecki and mae are both younger, less experienced, so seeing a scrappier fight that matched their similar sizes and speeds was really great.

i was really eager to see the lightsaber v lightsaber choreography and overall it did NOT disappoint!!!! i will have to rewatch, but i feel pretty good saying this is definitely some of the fastest, and, imo, some of the BEST lightsaber fighting we've seen in a long, long time in live action. the initial fight with sol vs qimir cut with jecki and mae's brawl wasn't the best choice, made both fights feel a little stunted. but once we focused on just the lightsaber fighting, it flowed amazingly.

jecki fighting with two sabers was SO fucking incredible. using her size to her advantage was really well done, because she was fucking FAST. it was exhilarating watching her fight, and i was definitely on the edge of my seat when she was fighting qimir solo. so excellent job on them ramping up the tension for that

qimir's reveal: not surprising. I was still pretty 50/50 on whether he would be a red herring or not, but i'm not disappointed that he turned out to be the master! manny was really great in this episode! a little creepy, but very much in control of what he's doing. eager to see where we go with him!

mae's line about the jedi turning osha against her, almost word for word what anakin says in rots. i love a parallel <3

sol's line that was like "what kind of master doesn't look his apprentice in the face?" and qimir's response was "you tell me" VERY GOOD. very curious to see what sol's been hiding. especially bc qimir also said "don't you recognize me" and sol said qimir felt familiar.

the not so good:

as mentioned above, i thought cutting together sol and qimir's initial fight with mae and jecki's brawl was a little choppy. you couldn't quite get into either fight at first. but luckily the fight pacing all smoothed out pretty quick with the rest of the fighting.

mae and osha's face to face scene at the end wasn't the most believable for me. amandla is a fantastic actor, but i can imagine it's still hard playing across from yourself. and it just felt like there was a little something missing from that encounter for me, as far as the emotion of it.

the BIG stuff (aka everybody died!):

i was definitely expecting there to be some casualties this episode, namely from the side jedi characters, who i don't think were named. they were pretty clearly there to be cannon fodder, which they were.

i went into this episode worried for sol, because it's never a good sign when a master says something along the lines of "we'll talk later" because later never comes lol. but turns out! he was the safest dude here!

i was not real worried about osha and mae, because the story is revolving around them, and there's still too much unresolved with their past and relationship with each other, that i figured they would both be fine.

JECKI AND YORD HOWEVER.

look. jecki was bad enough. and then to kill yord too?????

on one hand: i respect it. it sets qimir up as a very formidable antagonist. the stakes have been RAISED. and in a show that's about mystery and intrigue, high stakes aren't a bad thing.

my concern with setting qimir up as this formidable is that there are 3 episodes left. if this is only supposed to be a one season show (tho i hope not), or if they are planning on having it be a complete arc, and defeating qimir, 3 episodes doesn't seem like very much time to get on his level to defeat him. i could very much be proven wrong with this! and we've still got vernestra in our back pocket who is very experienced and has fought some big bads in her time.

but regardless, so so here for him as the antagonist.

on the other hand: i am really really bummed about jecki and yord. like i said, it was bad enough about jecki because i REALLY liked her, and her connection with osha was really nice to see (shoutout to dafne and amandla for their great chemistry). like when i say that SHOOK ME TO MY CORE. (admittedly, the 3 hole punch with the double red lightsabers was pretty sick, but STILL). like jaw dropped and stayed there lol.

and so i thought: well. maybe that means yord will be okay. like, alongside osha and sol, jecki and yord were the other two of the core four. killing one of the core four is pretty big. WELL THEY HAPPILY PROVED ME WRONG.

again: i respect the decision to kill a bunch of characters to raise the stakes and show off your antagonist.

i'm just curious to see if the rest of the characters will be able to hold up without jecki and yord. i think they will! sol and osha's and mae and osha's relationship have been the heart of the show from the start, so i trust that the story will continue to show that. i'm just a little unsure how it will feel going forward without the prominent second tier main characters that we had in jecki and yord. if that makes sense?

(also really bummed that there will be no more jecki lightsaber fights because genuinely, her fighting style was breathtaking to watch! and i wanted ten more hours of it!!)

so i'm really really fucking sad about jecki and yord. but i am going to wait to see the whole show to really decide how i feel about how their deaths fit the story, and if their deaths actually added anything. bc their own story arcs being cut off so abruptly should mean something.

okay, i think i touched on everything i wanted to! i think i'm mostly still in shock! we will likely be moving onto denial very soon lol. but i'm still excited to see the rest of the show, and i really hope we get more than just one season.

[its-no-biggie]

fuck it. rvb soul eater au

context on soul eater for those who havent seen it: some people can turn into a weapon. they get paired off with meisters (ppl who wield the weapons) based on soul compatibility. if two people are incompatible or out of sync, theyre unable to fight together - their bodies will physically reject it and they can even get injured by trying. so weapon/meister duos are always very deep and trusting (and often ambiguously romantic) relationships. and then they fight monsters or whatever the rest isnt important

im starting with blood gulch, as usual. although..... freelancer has interesting implications...... okay but reds and blues first

grif and simmons - grif is the weapon (maybe a rocket launcher?) because you know his ass is not running around fighting. this works great with simmons' need for control. 10/10 no notes

church and tucker - i think church would naturally be the weapon here but im thinking about how this applies to tucker and wash down the line..... i kinda had it in my head that the freelancers would be meisters and the ais their weapons, which would make weapon!tucker pair well with meister!wash after church dies, but if i disregard that. weapon!wash could be really really interesting.... i dont really have a plot in mind so i also dont know how epsilon fits into this but hes also here. idk ill think about it. anyway obvious weapon choices for this duo would be a sword or a sniper rifle. (i do think its really funny to make tucker the sniper rifle that church cant aim for shit. oh you wanted the sniper rifle so bad? now you are one and your meister gets no kills with it <3)

sarge and lopez - this one has hilarious implications. is lopez still a robot? is he just a regular ass shotgun that sarge built and insists on using instead of pairing with a person? is he a robot that can turn into a weapon? does he still speak spanish? if he is a robot, does he have a soul???? do he and sarge resonate the way weapon/meister duos usually do???? honestly this is hilarious no matter what, but im leaning toward hes a humanoid robot that can turn into a shotgun. sarge built him and lopez hates him for it but he was programmed to be compatible so they resonate just fine. dont think about the implications of a robot having a soul okay shhhhh its fine

if robots are on the table then you know we gotta do caboose and sheila - is sheila also a robot? i think it works either way. shes definitely the weapon though - something with a lot of firepower. truly i think shes the only one who can balance out caboose in a combat setting and even then they still get church killed. incredible

donut and doc - this one is interesting with doc being canonically a pacifist. maybe hes still primarily a medic but he keeps a weapon on him just in case? and then omalley makes good use of it >:D donuts really just along for the ride. i dont have specific weapon ideas - i know doc tends to favour the rocket launcher and donut is good with grenades, but also. insert joke about crossing swords. anyway no matter what weapon he is, donuts weapon form is pink

(also i want you guys to know that i almost did pastrytrain as a duo and left doc out for the crimes of being a pacifist. i still think it could work, but donut and caboose dont really interact that much compared to caboose and sheila, and also i wanted to keep the teams separate. you understand)

tex and kai - honestly this is a GREAT duo imo. i know the only time they interact in canon is some catty bullshit but its not their fault they were written by misogynists, and honestly they have some really good black star/tsubaki duality going for them. i think tex would be the meister, and kai would be maybe a melee weapon? oooh could do both of the grif siblings as knives..... knife simmons...... anyway tex and kai really good duo. easily the best out of all the blood gulch crew

and then the freelancers would be...... actually remarkably similar to how the freelancer/ai relationships work in canon! although if you swap around whos weapon and meister (as opposed to the ais all being weapons) you could certainly shake things up. also kind of interesting bc theres a lot of partner swapping in freelancer, which doesnt seem to happen much in soul eater. a testament to the poor conditions at pfl perhaps......

anyway i dont really have ideas for a full-fledged au, but its certainly fun to play with - the soul eater designs are already fun and then bringing in the rvb colour coding...... giving them fun dramatic weapon designs...... plus the whole soul resonance thing adds a layer to the relationships that i think would make for some delicious character interactions. force these mfs to communicate with each other lmfao

[namtanlovesfilm]

GMMTV randomized shipping wheel

so I couldn't sleep bc I had a uni interview lol, so I thought "why not put the 100 current gmmtv actors on a randomized wheel to create random pairings that I can in turn rate & judge?" so,,, um... here we go 😅

here are the 10 first ships that were created, if you like this I'll make a part 2 bc it's too much fun:

LOUIS X ARM

honestly I don't think it would be a bad ship per say bc arm has proved with friend zone & never too late that he's a great actor who honestly should get more roles, and louis is also pretty solid & gets along with everyone, so... this is not a crazy idea in my eyes but also this would be a very unexpected ship so idk, 6/10

NAMTAN X MOOK

so here's the thing, I'm so desperate for gl I'd be down for ANY wlw pairing lmao 😆 also namtan & mook are both very good actresses so I'm sure they'd do amazing! my only issue is that they do look very similar & in general couples are more interesting visually if they kinda are opposites, but also queer people often date their lookalikes so it wouldn't be too crazy lol, 7/10

JUNIOR X CHIMON

hmm... I don't really see this lol. I think junior has tried doing bl many times before joining gmmtv & he's not that good in romantic settings imo (though I might be biased bc one of his bl roles was him faking a ship with yoon in the graduate where he looked like such an awkward hetero lol.) but the thing is, chimon also kinda has that vibe? I think he's definitely gotten better but the straight vibes are still poking through for chimon imo, so him & junior together would be too much. but honestly if they were given the chance I can also see them completely surprise me so I'll give them 4/10

THOR X GUNSMILE

bro 💀 this is the weirdest pairing ever lmao, first of all I've always struggled to see gunsmile doing bl, like I think it would require the exact right pairing for him to do great at it & not look awkward, so thor?? noooope! I liked thor in the warp effect but he gives too much hetero vibes for me once again, so him & gunsmile would literally make the straightest bl couple ever lmao 1/10

AJ X PRIGKHING

I love them both so much so I can see it! as an ajploy shipper, obviously they wouldn't be my ultimate pairing, but prikhing is adorable & I think they'd make the cutest little side pairing, 8/10

AOU X LUKE

........... actually? 👀 I don't mind this. like my first thought was "wtf" but then I imagined them next to each other & I think their height/size difference would be cute! I also think aou is a very good actor who has impressed me a lot in all the roles I've seen him in! as for luke, I'm gonna be honest I don't really see him doing bl & he needs to work on his acting, but I've seen stranger things happen in this fandom so never say never :') 6.5/10

WIN X TITLE

now, once again, my first thought was "wtf 💀", but then I removed win from his status as incredibly famous & placed him back right before 2gether aired, and? honestly that ship could work? I imagine them in an aepete from love by chance type of innocent relationship, and I think physically they'd be a good looking ship together. though I can't imagine their chemistry or acting together so I'll give them a 6/10

(also why did title fucking SNAP with this pic omg)

NICKY X MIX

💀💀💀😆😆😆 nah bro THIS is the worst pairing I've ever heard of lmaoooo 😭 mix could've chemistry with anyone but nicky??? doing bl??? I could maybe envision him as a side ship with his bff leo but HELL NO 😭 bless nicky he's a comedic icon but nope, 0/10

LEO X LUKE

listen idk why that wheel is obsessed with luke but NOPE. like I can't imagine these two even PRETENDING to like each other, like... it's just too random atp 💀 maybe as a comedic side side side side SIDE ship, but overall, 2/10

VICTOR X FLUKE GAWIN

LMAOOOOOOO 😭 like I can't see this ship at all but tell me why I would 10000% prefer this ship to gawinkrist 😭 5/10

[projectilecry]

as someone who has done ballet to all of the songs listed in this post, orpheus in the underworld was the most fun to dance to. it’s incredibly high energy and just for that one number you really want to fucking punch. it just keeps going and going and going and going. taking a bow after it? one of the most satisfying and fulfilling experiences known to man. it’s the can-can song/music, or at least the one specific part of orpheus that is being mentioned here is, so that’s probably what most people know it as. can-can is fun. really fun. it also reminds me a lot of hava nagila for some reason which makes me a bit partial to it.

hall of the mountain king is a classic and absolutely reminds me of a bunch of bees. like a swarming hive of bees. progressively getting more angry. it’s a great tension building composition. it’s great, it’s just not quite as fun as orpheus to me because it feels more organized.

shostakovich’s waltz no. 2 probably works the best ballet-wise and is the easiest to work with, but it’s just not as fun as the others (although it still is fun, there’s a lot of opportunities for mysterious and mischievous tiptoeing in this one like the beginning of hall of the mountain king). it has a nice like “lady out for a nighttime stroll in the streets of seville” vibe to it. waltz no. 2 like really musically enforces the lightness you want to have in your feet dancing, whereas the other two make it really easy to let yourself be heavy and have heavy landings if that makes any sense? i’m not too good at explaining, this is all just stuff i sorta feel in my body after so many years. also feels very ragtime to me which is one of my favorite generes in general.

for my addition to the Songs To Put To Internet Drama List, i will raise korsakov’s flight of the bumblebee. everyone knows it. we all probably know it as the classic song for prodigy children to learn and perform on piano, but it’s good in full orchestra and probably even better for the drama vibe than you remembered.

i have a few extra ones i thought were of note too, but not as worthy i suppose as they don’t quite fit the exact vibe.

- rossini’s william tell overture finale. again very chaotic and victorious. has the building tension we’re looking for.

- verdi’s requiem: dies irae. incredible chaos vibe with this one. just absolute pandemonium. it does get quiet in the middle and end which is a little bit of a downside. but it was written to be part of a funeral mass though which is kinda really cool.

- mussorgsky’s night on bald mountain. it’s more for when you’re starting out with a clearly defined and obvious evil, but it’s good.

- mancini’s the pink panther. this one is obvious and less angry and more mysterious, but i can’t pass it up. if you haven’t heard it please go listen now. i swear listening to a proper orchestra play this is a life altering experience. it will permanently boost your personal irl suaveness stat.

- johann strauss’ spring waltz. upbeat and cheery, but great. has a “i’m just floating along passing by observing the chaos” vibe.

- joplin’s maple leaf rag. it’s a classic for a reason. i do love myself some scott joplin. like a lot. one of my favorites. sure he’s not classical, but he’s worthy.

- wagner’s ride of the valkyries. it’s another one with the total drama vibe but it’s maybe a little bit too star wars. it also does slow down a bit.

- tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture. not the whole thing, just the ending portion. not quite the vibe here but it is similar. it also will never fail to make me think of art van furniture (rip in pieces you are missed my king) because it was the backing for 90% of their commercials.

- brahms’ hungarian dance no. 5. it really gets that kinda like “everything is happing all at one and coming from entirely different directions and places” thing imo.

polka is a great genre for this kind of vibe by the way, so if you’re ever looking for new songs with the internet drama backing track vibe polka classical is a good place to start.

[sobi-wan-kenobi]

shut up

[tundrainafrica]

Which would you say are your favorite fanfics ever? (Levihan ofc)

Okay, I don’t think I’m the best judge of what’s quality or not quality cause I ain’t no writing authority so I cannot vouch for whether you will like these fics or not. But I am a firm believer that good writing makes readers feel things and leaves a lasting impression. 

So lemme rephrase the question… What fics left a lasting impression?

So brace yourself for one hell of a ride while I talk about fanworks that just fucked me up in the following ways: 

Caused me to irrationally hate one random character

Made me forget something isn’t canon

Made me completely rearrange my day because I completely f-ed myself up.

Made me feel guilty for fucking up the view count because I keep going back there.

Makes me remember the fic as an aesthetic, not as actual words. Like literally I will imagine the setting almost perfectly in my head and like when I try to remember what happened, I don’t really remember the writing style or anything, but I could probably create a sim house about how exactly I imagined the house to look like or the yard to look like.

Changed the way I approach fic reading.

I don’t wanna spoil these fics because I’m assuming people are gonna read it so as much as I wanna make a long ass detailed review about why I love each of them, I won’t. I’ll probably just mention what the hell I was doing when I read the fic and how I completely fucked myself over. 

I probably will miss some since I’m just listing these out from the top of my head. So here goes…And I’m only posting completed fics because I’m just that way. 

Second chance by @fanmoose12

This is my comfort fic. The first time I read this fic, it was like 4am or 5am in the morning and I remember after reading it once, I read it like 5 more times that day. 

This is literally the fic I just randomly open on my computer at work on some incognito tab when I’m just tired from all the shit they make us do at work and this is the random fic that I just open up when I feel like reading. And this is one of the fics I plan on showing my children one day when I explain to them what love is. 

This isn’t depressing so I guess it doesn’t fall in the ‘fucked me over’ category but definitely one of the fics I read too many times to count that I remember it scene by scene like some simp. 

Partners by fanmoose12

Woops, one exception for WIPs. I just had to post this here because it definitely left a lasting impression. 

This was the first AU I have ever read and been invested in and I have been reading fanfiction since before I could remember and I have always stuck to canonverse fics until I got into Levihan. 

This fic got me into the AU genre and I have never read AUs in my life before this so I think that says a lot about how much this fic means to me. 

Somewhere Only We Know by @someonestolemyshoes

It’s not completely posted in ao3 yet. But since I beta-ed the fic, I finished it long before SSMS posted it but this fic. It started slow so it took me a week of on and off work to get through  but I got through the second part of the fic, the last 30,000 words  incredibly fast. I vividly remembered reading those last final scenes over breakfast completely in shock while my whole family was there. I literally had to leave the room and take my dog out for a second walk . 

I remember the aesthetic of the overall story vividly enough to actually make a moodboard of it and spend a good 1 hour going through country side pics after finishing it. . 

Yellow by @ariadneamare​

God, this fic. I read this over a day of work. Like breakfast, first few thousand words, Lunch next few thousand words. And I finished the rest before bed and oh god, this is the type of fic that builds a great aesthetic, some lightness and just to fuck you over in the end. 

I like to compare it to a longer and AU version of Pristine in terms of how it strings emotions along. I know they’re two completely different fics but the energy of the fic, the stream of emotions on how it strings you along is fairly similar. 

This is literally one of those fics where I’m just having a good day, and my mind goes ‘remember that one fic’ and I just wrinkle my nose like ‘yeah THAT FIC’ 

Pristine by @mannatea​

I’m sure everyone has read this, it’s practically a classic and I cannot count the number of people who told me it was depressing and I do not know why I did not believe them. I read this while waiting in line for milk tea. I lost my place in line around the time I finished that last part and just gave up on buying milk tea.

It has this build up, this incredibly fluffy build up which won’t make you think it will end the way it did. 

Well. you know a fic is good when you know it’s gonna end a certain way but you allow yourself to get strung along anyway. 

A Simple Choice by just-quintessentially-me

This is one of those fics for me that double as an aesthetic piece and a plot piece. I remember INCREDIBLY WELL, the road I was imagining that they were walking through and it satisfied my hurt comfort feels as well. Definitely one of my favorite 115-126 fics and one of the first ones I read in the fandom for sure. 

So those are the english fics, I have to Japanese fics that fall in that category. 

(For anyone who knows Japanese I guess but I personally think they’re worth a google translate.)

熱に浮く(Feverish Dream)

Classic canon compliant. Hange takes care of Levi when he’s sick fic but there are misunderstandings here, they contemplate their relationship and they are incredibly emotionally constipated here. Definitely one of the classics imo and it feeds my need for hurt/comfort.

前世なんてクソだと言う女と 全て忘れた男 

(A girl who thinks past lives are not real and a boy who forgot everything)

Hange is a teacher, Levi is a janitor. Hange remembers stuff and Levi doesn’t and just really cute stuff. 

I’m pretty sure you guys are tired of me rambling about how much this fic means to me but really, I wrote a Tale of Two Slaves (Which is just brushing 100k words already) because this was just so beautiful it got me into the reincarnation genre.

私の中の少女、あなたの中の少年

(The girl inside me and the boy inside you) 

Levi and Hange are exes/childhood friends and they meet again in a matchmaking party. This is just the greatest balance between emotional constipation and love. The premise was just perfect for the type of build up 

Closest thing I’m gonna drop to smut here. Will leave my smut recs for another post but I’m low key really still thinking whether or not I should expose myself by dropping my favorite Levihan smut pieces hahaha.

Filo Socmed AUs

A lot of these probably aren’t google translatable since Tagalog google translate sucks but if anyone is interested, most Filo Socmed AUs have a fair amount of English so it’s coherent. I guess? I completely forget though how much is in English and how much is in Tagalog but these are the Filo Socmed AUs I REALLY remember and really go back to. 

Vividly Remembered 

This one got me blowing my days worth of salary on some meal in a restaurant because I didn’t wanna go back home to my house yet so I remember just crying over a meal while finishing up this fanfiction instead of going home. 

Basically a fic where Levi and Hange were together already and were about to get married already but shit happened. I irrationally hate Nanaba because of this Socmed AU. Like everytime I see Nanaba, i think of this Socmed AU and I just hate her again. 

Photographs 

Levi and Hange are part of the photography club and shit happens. I remember being behind on work because I decided to take a three hour lunch break to finish this AU. This satisfied my sick Levi craving in so many ways (especially after reading Yellow)

Wherein Levi doesn’t have social media accounts and Hange is the class beadle

This last one just has the overall aesthetic of my own university so it really stuck tbh. And the premise of the build up is just incredibly cute. 

These are the ones I can remember from the top of my head so I’m sure these are among my favorites. I’ll definitely update this as I read more.

[kingofdinosaurs]

ok if you know me you KNOW i voted for sho but i feel so BAD seeing kanami get rolled. and i want labrys to get her lead back. so without further ado, I'm gonna do propaganda for all my special persona 4 spinoff warriors (sorry to metis and the p5 guys, i just have more emotional attachment to these guys and they could use the help). vote labrys for president of spinoffs 2024 🥳🎉🎊

under cut because i don't want to obliterate everyone's dash with this ALSO DON'T READ THE ZEN AND REI PART IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS FOR PERSONA Q, it's impossible to talk about why i love them without spoiling the major twist of the game

LABRYS:

her accent.

no im serious in this house we love and appreciate labrys' silly slightly bad accent. it's literally plot relevant and important that it's a slightly bad impression. it matters. it's cute. appreciate it now.

no, genuinely, the accent is important. to some extent, labrys is carrying forward the potential and likeness of somebody else, a sick girl from kansai who was never afforded the chance to do many of the things she wanted to. but her response to that was to offer her likeness and personality as a base for labrys and her sibling line of robots. labrys is that girl's legacy, accent and all. love her accent it's important and it's CUTE

she genuinely has the best overall story segments in EVERY GAME SHE'S IN. i include bbtag here too, her chapter of the extra story is really cute and fun, which is exactly what the bbtag story needs to be. that's neither here nor there but i want to emphasise just how consistently great the stuff with her is.

her base arena story mode is bar none THE best in the game. the others, while nice character studies, can get a little repetitive, but hers is a backstory piece instead and has some incredibly emotional moments and reveals about both her and aigis. she also has a really lovely dynamic with chie, kanji, and teddie especially. her moments with those characters in the main story always make me smile.

imo she also has the best overall story path in ultimax. i really love the true ending, but overall i like the p3 route just a little more. she has all sorts of interesting and engaging moments with other characters, and i love her dynamic with sho as someone who's on the same path she is, just not as far along. p4 arena/ultimax is ultimately a story about recovery and moving forward even after terrible things have been done to you, and in that respect she's the perfect protagonist for it.

she's just a really wonderful character. i think in stuff like p3/5d or bbtag, she can come off as a slightly one-note plucky optimist type, but the thing that i really want people to know is that she earned that optimism. she fought for it, through some of the cruelest trials anyone could go through, and she came out the other side still believing that a better future could be waiting for her. she fucking WORKED to be that joyous!!! she lost so many people and so much time locked away, and she is STILL AN OPTIMIST. it's her god damn RIGHT!!! WE LOVE LABRYS!!!!!!!

also she's adorable like awww look at her little happy smile :')

vote labrys

SHO MINAZUKI:

i shouldn't be allowed to do this. i cannot be trusted to do this. sho minazuki has a known and debilitating effect on my brain that makes me incapable of being normal for even one second. but I'll try

ill start with the easy stuff. first instance of an honest to god no beating around the bush stated IN TEXT Wild Card who wasn't the protagonist. eat your fucking HEART OUT goro akechi. i always see people arguing about this. it's sho. sho is the answer. conversely, minazuki has a really interesting status as a very similar figure to ryoji. i am NOT pulling this out of my ass i PROMISE i need to make an infographic about it sometime

his shitass puns they suck so bad. they're so fucking BAD it's kind of painful but they're endearing. in general when he's not going through the fucking horrors he's a fun-loving guy and it's cute. he needed to be in dancing so he could spend a game just doing normal silly shit and not having multiple breakdowns over the course of an HOUR.

easily steals the show (the sho -_-) in the p4au manga especially, good lord. there's some scenes in there (the scar flashback, the scene where fake ikutsuki wakes him up, and the fight at the end come to mind) that are just cemented in my brain now as how things went. it's too good. go read the p4au manga.

sho is really interesting to me as yet another foil to narukami, and in a completely different direction than adachi. he's abrasive, very open with his feelings, both intentionally and inadvertently terrible at forming bonds with others. but ultimax makes very clear that he can change. from the very beginning of the horrors done to him by ergo research, it's emphasised that even back then he wanted to connect with others. even at rock bottom, with no hope for the future and no idea what to do now his entire world has been turned upside down, he held onto hope that he might be able to find that bond he's looking for, even if he couldn't recognise that in himself. unlike adachi, sho finds it very easy to love others, he just has no fucking idea what to do with that. so he lashes out, because it's all he'd been taught to do. it's why ultimax's ending needed to be so optimistic. ultimax is a story about recovery, and about hope. your life isn't just a write-off forever if something goes wrong. i really like that message, and I'm really glad that sho got that chance. he deserved it.

ok so i could for sure talk for hours about both sho and minazuki but I'm limiting myself. i really love minazuki as basically the only one in sho's corner for their whole shared existence. he's flawed in a lot of ways - he's slow to trust, quick to resort to violence (a trait they share) and has a habit of making decisions for sho without necessarily taking his input on the subject if he feels it's what's best for him. but beneath all that edgelord "harbinger of death" demeanor (which is its own fucking post whenever i put that infographic together), he really does genuinely want to protect sho. he'd do anything to make sure he was alright. and when minazuki is taken out of the picture in the p3 route, we see how much that stabilising influence and kind presence was lifechanging for sho. it's honestly hard to watch the scene at the top of the tower in p3 side, sho is so much more openly miserable and suffering than minazuki is in his equivalent fight. it's easy to write minazuki off. and i am guilty of drawing sho way more. but you can't love one without the other. they're too important to each other, and they're both suffering the same way. minazuki just has the calm facade while sho wears his heart on his sleeve more.

anyway you should still vote for labrys but i hope you understand my position. I've been obsessed with these guys for like a year now and i want to share with the class.

ZEN and REI:

persona q is the world's most necessary 50 hours of mid for the world's most beautiful, thematically + emotionally resonant hours of PEAK. zen and rei are at the heart of that.

briefly i want to note that persona q is a perfect example of a crossover done right, where the plot is intrinsically tied to and a blend of the themes of the persona games it's a crossover of. the emphasis on the idea that your life is worthwile just because you lived it, and because people loved you, also really reminds me of guilty gear's philosophy and i like guilty gear.

with that in mind, the reveal that rei has been dead the whole time is brilliantly done. i don't think i've ever seen a running joke so effectively recontextualised as her inexplicable and frequently impossible snacks - the physical representation of her hunger for life. the moment you get to the end of the final labyrinth, the game's tone completely changes, but they manage to make the previous hours of silly shenanigans necessary to the emotional impact of that shift in tone.

zen and rei are so fucking great, man. persona's own psychopomp, god of death and grief and acceptance, eternally aloof and distant from those feelings he brings with him. finally understanding the weight of life through a sick, lonely girl who feels she was robbed of one. it doesn't hurt that they're so cute together before the reveal. their relationship is honestly very cute in a way i wasn't expecting to like nearly as much as i did, although i will admit i did hope zen kept being dense as hell about it because of how funny it was to me. wrought iron gate ass man. wouldn't know what flirting was if it was signposted in bright flashing neon.

if i'm talking a lot about the before and after of q's plot, that's because it's so integral to how good these 2 are. every silly or sweet moment you shared with them, the collar you helped rei make, your banter as you travelled through labyrinths together, it's all so necessary to feel the weight of their ending together. that WAS rei's life, and her impact. she WAS loved, in the end.

AND THAT'S WHY Q BEING ONE OF THE "EVERYONE FORGETS" SPINOFFS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING THEY COULD HAVE DONE. but that doesn't ruin zen and rei for me. sorry for spoiling the twist of persona q shadow of the labyrinth

KANAMI MASHITA:

ok you guys are doing her dirty because she's in the worlds least accessible rhythm game and that isn't fair!! i honestly believe that p4d has a very well done story with a couple of glaring flaws, neither of which are on kanami. in fact, they're largely an issue because yu narukami and his stupid funky bunch are involved. in all honesty, i think p4d would have worked better as a standalone game because the p4 stuff kinda drags the overall plot down.

anyway. kanami is the main protagonist of the real world segments of the game, while the investigation team and her colleagues are stuck in the midnight stage. i don't want to spoil everything that goes on in p4d, but suffice it to say that she ends up working with dojima to try and figure out where the missing people are, and builds an honestly charming rapport with nanako as her new backup dancer. hearing nanako call her big sis in the climax of p4d did genuinely catch me off guard in a good way, it's very sweet. much like narukami, kanami and nanako have a lot in common as 2 people who really shouldn't be as isolated as they are, especially as young as they are (kanami is 15 years old and lives seemingly alone with no parents notably in the picture during p4d), who can find common ground in that.

in all seriousness, kanami really charmed me as somebody who's almost totally different offstage. she's a really nice foil to rise as somebody who doesn't really know who she is at all, vs rise who's decided to face her idol career with the same confidence and strength she's learned to live her life with since the events of p4. offstage, kanami is almost a completely different person, both visually and in terms of personality. she exemplifies the themes of p4d so well - the kanami people know and love is a packaged product, a false bond with people who will never truly know her, and the lie is equally damaging for both sides of the equation. underneath the glitz and glamour of her career, kanami is a deeply lonely person traumatized to the point of repressing memories by the death of her greatest inspiration, who she's ironically walking the same path as. she barely even knows the other kanamin kitchen girls, and from the outset her life outside work is presented as incredibly lonely and distant from others.

obviously, persona 4 is The Bonds Game, so all of its spinoffs are obsessed with bonds too. but i always eat it up. that's no less true with kanami. her budding rapport with the rest of kanamin kitchen and with rise is really interesting to me, and i really like the idea of them forming their own part-time persona team, perhaps with rise as a guest member. the little circle they did in the climax to power up rise was really cute and i love the idea of them moving forward and finding their own strength of heart the same way the investigation team did.

it IS really funny that all we knew of her prior to p4d is that rise was jealous of her while she was retired. like knowing kanami as she is in p4d it was distinctly NOT mutual rise was just being a hater 😭

anyway, if you've actually read all of this i salute you. and i'm sorry for the word vomit. in short LET'S GO P4 SPINOFF WARRIORS I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who’s your favorite persona oc?

oc is defined here as a character introduced in content that comes off the side of the original plot (sorry marie+kasumi, you’re actually in the main games)

[wedreamedlove]

Xu Mo vs. Mo Yi [Character Study]

I can never get over the aesthetic of these two pictures placed side by side LOL. But, anyway, the point of this post is to nip any undue comparisons in the bud and claims of copying organize my thoughts and compare these two characters to highlight their similarities, differences, and further explore each character through these contrasts.

Q) If you like Xu Mo, would you like Mo Yi?

Honestly, I think this depends on what you like most about Xu Mo. I already knew beforehand that I gravitate towards characters who think 5 steps ahead, are predominantly logical, and scholars/gentlemen, so it’s not surprising I bias both Xu Mo and Mo Yi.

However, as I got to know Mo Yi further (Themis is around 6 months old now), I find that he’s distinctively different from Xu Mo on three crucial points that’ll determine whether people from either camp will like the other character.

1) Stance on Others

In a post for Xu Mo, “Into Your World”, I argued that Xu Mo is an alienated genius who had troubles getting along with others, until he mastered the social game as an adult. However, you can still see glimpses of this as he tries to understand MC’s world and shares his own.

To be fair, Mo Yi’s past is still under wraps but I feel confident in saying that, while he was probably highly intelligent compared to his peers [SR Sculpted Heart], his isolation doesn’t seem to come from his innate nature but rather his social position (there’s heavy implications that he’s like some sort of noble or something) [SR Snowy Pine Fairytale].

IMO, these backgrounds really shaped the way these two men interact with the world.

Xu Mo has a detached and indifferent view towards other people. They simply exist and don’t bring anything positive or negative to him. His ambition to ensure the survival of humanity reflects this too because it’s pure utilitarianism; everyone (apart from MC) can be sacrificed equally for the greater good. If anything, he probably finds other people to be interesting subjects to study, no matter what kind of person they are. IIRC the only time he expressed dislike to people, or a group of people, was when he told Hades he enjoyed killing thieves LOL.

Meanwhile, Mo Yi has an elitist streak to the point where he and his MC actually clashed opinions and debated each other [SR Warm Fingertips]. It’s incredibly ironic because he’s a psychiatrist who treats his patients without judgment, but at the same time he looks down on so many things and people (PUAs, people who betray love, hypocrites who only seek power and fame) [Ch2; Personal Story Ch1-3; SSR Moonlit Ball].

One of the things I noticed early on is that Xu Mo draws from the Eastern scholar archetype, “Xu Mo Character Study”, while Mo Yi actually draws more from the Western gentleman archetype.

So, just to summarize this section, Xu Mo is detached from the world naturally and likes to observe people and try to blend in. Mo Yi deliberately draws a line between him and others and, at times, has the casual cruelty of someone born as nobility (arrogance is carved into his bones, even if he tends to keep it low-key because he generally has a “gentle and polite” attitude).

2) Stance on Love

Xu Mo didn’t understand love, or really even emotions. Love is grown between him and his MC (there’s multiple analogies throughout the game about how their love is like a seed). I think [Ch25] pretty much sums it up for Xu Mo, where he goes through that emotional rollercoaster and muses about how, at the end of human evolution, emotions should be discarded. He also admits that MC taught him the “fear” of a normal person, because now he has someone he cannot give up no matter what, which goes against his previous utilitarian beliefs.

Compared to this, Mo Yi fell in love at first sight. Yes, you read that right. The “scientist and logical” archetype fell in love at first sight LOL. Not only does he acknowledge it right off the bat, but he fully embraces it too and believes that real love makes people better versions of themselves [Personal Story]. Mo Yi is a through and through psychiatrist in that he never underestimates how primal emotions (and love) can be.

Heck, not only is this central to his personal story, but we also have hints that one of Mo Yi’s parents fell in love at first sight with the other person (and he inherited their predisposition for that). Unfortunately, their love had a tragic end and Mo Yi seems to have a huge grudge against his father for whatever happened to his mother (again, Mihoyo is keeping this a mystery LOL), but Mo Yi explicitly confirms that even if his love leads to a tragic end he will still walk down this road and attempt to change it [SR Cool Summer].

IMO one other difference between them re: love is this exchange that lives rent free in my head which I saw in a Xu Mo/Reader/Mo Yi fanfiction LOL. Bear with me here.

Mo Yi: Wearing a mask for a long time will tire you.

Xu Mo: It’s enough just to wear one in front of the necessary person.

Xu Mo and his MC make great efforts to understand each other’s worlds, but this understanding comes from the doors he chooses to open to her. He reveals himself as much as possible, but I think he’s an inherently private person (and there’s all that Ares stuff) so there are times where he hides things so that he doesn’t worry his MC. I think this is enough to count as a “mask”. Sometimes he pretends he’s okay when he’s not.

On the other hand, while I think Mo Yi shares the sentiment in not wanting his MC to worry unduly, he tries to reveal himself as much as possible. There’s an amazingly relatable conflict in him here where he wants her to know every side of him, but he’s also terrified of how she’ll react if he shows her his ugliest sides and imperfect sides (he has some sort of phobia or fear about imperfection, but Mihoyo has been keeping mum on the exact details of this so far) [Personal Story; SR Sculpted Heart].

It’s pretty ironic that Mo Yi wants to be perfect, but he realizes that the more perfect he is the more of a sense of distance there’ll be between him and his MC because of the subconscious pressure someone “perfect” brings LOL [SSR Border of Light and Darkness].

3) Stance on Growth

If you haven’t realized that one of Xu Mo’s greatest themes is the phrase “Take your time in growing”, then what have you been reading? Jkjk, but seriously this gets repeated in multiple places, although my brain always goes back to [Blossom Date] for this.

Even if he and his MC start off with fundamental differences (she believes all people have inherent worth and can’t be involuntarily sacrificed), he wants to personally watch the journey of her maturation. He also subtly guides and teaches her. Unfortunately, due to circumstances of the main story, he doesn’t get his wish and she grows up a lot out of his eyes, but their relationship still revolves around him wanting her to have as much time as possible to grow.

He’s, for a lack of better word, extremely gentle about this (setting aside as much of the Ares and story parts as we can, because LovePro’s story is tragedy on tragedy LOL). I think [Autumn Blaze Date] shows a good analogy for this, because he holds the bicycle steady for MC until she can get going on her own, and he also catches her the first time.

Meanwhile, Mo Yi... ha ha ha. I just came out of chapter 3 for his [Personal Story] and let’s just say his philosophy is tough love. It’s ironic because, in many of his other dates, he wrestles with an internal conflict to protect his MC but also to let her experience all sorts of things to both test and temper her.

This is going to touch on the previous topic about love for a moment, but a part of Mo Yi’s love at first sight experience is also “testing” the other person through all sorts of situations and, after seeing all their different sides, he can determine whether his love at first sight is one that’ll last for the rest of his life or if it’s just a fleeting moment of beauty and emotion.

He also extremely respects his MC’s sense of justice and pursuit of the truth in the world, no matter what she encounters, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what drew him to her in the first place. But MC’s occupation and beliefs will make her confront a lot of dark and dangerous things and so, whenever possible, Mo Yi lets her confront these in “controlled” situations to train her. If I had to make an analogy, IMO, he’d let his MC ride the bicycle and pick her up only after she falls, or when she’s like 0.1cm away from the ground LOL.

Mo Yi is (perhaps rightfully) called out on this by another character, who believes Mo Yi is too arrogant in believing everything is under his control and he can prevent MC from getting hurt whenever he lets her get into dangerous situations, and I’m interested to see if Mihoyo will let him experience failures with his philosophy so he can grow more, like the things Xu Mo went through re: his personal beliefs [Ch24].

Overall

I don’t know how well I explained myself, especially for people who don’t know anything about Mo Yi, and each section goes back and forth between the two characters LOL so here’s another section that attempts to describe their overall atmosphere.

If, like I said in my Headcanon Notes, Xu Mo makes me immediately think of all the words for soft, gentle, light, still, water, etc etc., then the words I constantly think about for Mo Yi is messily human. He’s like a bundle of contradictions, but coherent because it’s being intentionally done.

Mo Yi doesn’t discriminate against his patients, yet he can be elitist and looks down on others. He wants to let MC have dangerous experiences, but also wants to protect her. He wants to be perfect, but he also wants to reveal himself entirely to his MC because that’s real love.

In contrast, Xu Mo has a very clean and orderly personality LOL. You can draw clear cause and effect lines from his personality to his actions.

So, anyway, these are two interesting characters who start off with similar archetypes as scientific logical men of scholar/gentleman dispositions, but yet they’re also on opposite ends for a lot of things such as their approach to emotions and the world.

Oh wait, lastly, because I don’t have a good place to put this—but I think it’s funny—is that both characters are pretty possessive and greedy, but while Xu Mo does things in a sneaky, cunning and fox-like way Mo Yi gets ridiculously open about his jealousy and it’s hilariously cute but also almost childish? I often forget Mo Yi is older than Xu Mo by a year, because Xu Mo honestly feels a bit more mature than him LOL. If we count them actually aging by when their game came out though, then Mo Yi is 28 and Xu Mo is 29 now.

[loveswickedpitch]

the canonical list of my favorite ships (for now)

SEISHO ONLY

first off, junnanana. (yes, even after the movie.) this will probably always be my revstar otp. it’s perfect and i love them so much. and their hair colors are complementary (...in the RYB model, not the RGB model)! idk why i just love them

i also like all of the other “canon” ships. futakao, kuromaya (NOT mayakuro, hoping more people come to my side on this after the movie)... and of course, hikaren, though for that i definitely prefer mahikaren OT3! and in that OT3 my favorite couple is probably mahikari. absolutely love their dynamic. another “non-canon” pairing i love in kurotaba. absolute brotp. bromance. love the idea of claudine teasing and flustering futaba. very powerful.

also, futahika is extremely funny as a joke, and i love nanahika (and to a lesser extent nanamaya) as like... otp but they hate each other (or do they???). i think that’s about it for seisho-only ships. wait no i just remembered that nanataba is kind of cute. i love the seishos

RINMEIKAN ONLY

i absolutely adore tamaruiyukko OT3 (two of the six fics in the AO3 tag were written for me). i don’t even like reading fanfic that doesn’t include all three of them in a triad bc i think it’s perfect, though tamarui and ruiyukko can still be fun as long the third one is like, around and i can headcanon them in there. i know a lot of people have moved towards tamafumi/ichitama/tamaichifumi but i never really did. i just like tamaruiyukko and fumichie, which is another all-time favorite. though polymeikan can be good. just a bunch of girls doing crimes and being gay

FRONTIER ONLY

gotta be misoruru. easily my favorite frontier ship. i love misora crushing on aruru for a million years and aruru being either oblivious or being worried that reciprocating misora’s feelings will ruin their friendship... you can easily go either for comedy or for angst and it’s great. it’s really clear to me that they love each other a lot.

shizukasa is fun! i’ve commissioned at least one art of it. throwing lalafin in there is great too. shizulala is also really cute on its own. tol and smol. also misokasa’s good, mostly bc it’s basically canon that misora thinks tsukasa is attractive. not super into frontier polycule but it could work.

SIEGFELD ONLY

akishio akishio edelbowl akishio. siegfeld is probably my second-favorite school after seisho bc everyone there is dumb. they are all just slightly insane except for mei fan who’s just all too willing to go along with whatever dumb insane shit the others get up to. akishio was my first siegfeld ship and still my absolute favorite, but also i love edelbowl bc i invented it (well, i probably wasn’t the first person to ship all the siegfelds with each other, but i did name it and write the first fic of it on AO3! edelbowl is even a valid tag for them on AO3).

yachimei is extremely strong. absolute dipshit duo. yachiyo is too clever for her own good and mei fan is way too earnest. power couple. i like to imagine that yachiyo loves to flirt with and fluster mei fan but as soon as mei fan returns it with incredibly sincere affection yachiyo just melts. yachiori’s got a similar vibe imo. akimichi is good for that childhood friends vibe. what if hikaren was dumber???? akimichi dares to ask and answer this question. but really the edels are a set and you Cannot Separate Them.

SEIRAN ONLY

i mostly just like kohahisa. (hisakoha? kohasame? hisaru? who knows). i’m not as into the stageplays (i have trouble with live action stuff) so i’m not quite as familiar with the characters. sometimes i like to throw suzu in, for flavor, but i mostly find suzu a boring character... sorry suzu fans...

INTERSCHOOL SHIPPING

first off gotta shout out kaotama/tamaoruko. absolutely wild. childhood friends/rivals to rivals/enemies to ????. throw futaba in for bonus fun. hell, throw in rui and yuyuko too! futarui’s great and obviously we have to include yuyuko. can’t not. also a friend of mine started shipping junna and ichie and drew a bunch of art where junna was a huge fan of ichie’s when the latter was an idol and that’s fun! i actually wrote a fanfic about it, though it ended up mostly being about fumi and nana...

can’t not also mention akifumi, michifumi, and yachifumi. akifumi and yachifumi especially, though bc i usually do edelbowl i end up not going for yachifumi bc yachiyo dating both sisters might be weird. a lot of these kind of end up as Angst Central but not necessarily! i think you can write some good comedy about these ships now. also a lot of yachifumi was based on super early interpretations of the characters that are kind of dead in the water now, lol

akiruru is hilarious and cute. yachikasa is also cute. kuromayaharu is incredibly based. just kuromaya slowly absorbing koharu into their relationship. i don’t like mahisuzu but i’m often enamored with the idea of hikasuzu. that’s hilarious to me. especially the idea of hikari just hating suzu for literally no reason while suzu sees hikari and is just like “oh! it’s my friend hikari :)”. they furiously make out in the closet at parties. that’s just the way it goes.

i also really strongly dislike nanahisa... i am sorry. it feels like a ship where they could’ve been in a relationship in the past, but that was then and this is now, and i don’t think it’s something that they could do in the present day. does that make sense? there was a time and a place for nana and hisame to get together, but it’s gone now, and you can’t get that time and place back... nana knows that better than anyone tbh

also the fuckin uhhhhhhh... teachers. what are their fuckin names? sawa and kyouko? evil teacher and flip-sensei. also me x teru

idk anything about the blue glitter OCs or siegfeld 2: monarchy harder

anyway i hope you enjoyed my unhinged ramblings. i’d wanted to do a post like this for a while but today i finally did it. i took my dextroamphetamine like i’m supposed to but don’t usually do and i wrote a bunch of words about shoujo kageki revue starlight on the internet. congrats if you read this far. if you did reply with “junnanana4ever” for $5 off your next purchase

[mowu-moment]

i feel controversial & i care too much, so here's my des rocs complete tierlist

ranked list & reasoning (ish) under the cut

1. WAYNE: hoholy shit wayne. can hardly put into words how explosive this one is to me. the intro sets a Whole Mood before swiftly (& cleanly) smacking it down into an Absolute Banger and i don't use the term lightly. very hard not to scream along with it. only detriment is that wayne the person is kinda an ass in the mmc video but that's no qualm

2. POS: basically the same thing as wayne (oh both have great lyrics btw, this one more so), only gets points knocked for being 2 minutes long and having 30 seconds of that being intro & outro. go danny give us nothing

3. WHY WHY WHY: there's a theme among my top picks--they're all hard-hitting w/ killer guitar. the lyrics are absolute batshit in a good way, but the chorus is a lil flat & i feel like in general it just needed a touch more spice to score the top spot. or maybe it's just seniority & it'll have a coup a few months out idk

4. DEAD RINGER: similar killer guitar & lyrics but this one is Groovy as Hell. don't particularly like his singing in this one & it's too repetitive if i'm feeling grumpy but there's something so magic about after the bridge. top 10 songs to twirl a flag to

5. NOTHING PERSONAL: the minute long outro irks me & it's a little bit empty but plays into that well. groovy, great lyrics, the Sexiest Guitar Solo of the lot, the screaming's a minus but it does have an emotion there. not entirely sure what one but it's there.

6. LET ME LIVE / LET ME DIE: his first time being all over the goddamn place, history was made. amazing guitar, a little worse lyrics than 1-4 i'll admit, the intro Slays me both in a good and bad way. must be a joy to play live where he can just drag out that intro & bridge as long as feels right. at least i liked it in the digital concert like that. would actually kill me in a physical concert, imagine how much stomping gets going to that beat. bonus points for presumable cowbell

7. PIECES: for once not this high for the guitar & lyrics, they're both kinda basic. idk what's about this one but it just takes me to a separate dimension & i love it so much for that. really fills those earholes. also a bit of personal meaning, heard it for the first time on the day we moved into the house i'm currently split-custody-living in (is that tmi?) & the first music video of his i saw. man i love some spaghetti on the wall

8. SLO: basically the same as dead ringer, but knocked points for a kinda lame outro & the subject matter being a little less interesting to me. still lovely.

9. HANGING BY A THREAD: not my normal fare really & the way that the ends of the verses don't really fit in the pacing of them is bleh, but it's just so reminiscent of the songs my brother puts on whenever we hang out together that it just makes me all warm & fuzzy. it's also nicely put together which is something i'll have to start saying for. the later list.

10. SUICIDE ROMANTICS: this is where i start griping about head voice & higher pitches in general. don't like em so the pre-chorus is a lil annoying. also not my normal fare but it's tender & the ending is awe-striking. imo better live where he's loud on that last line before the final chorus. not enough to bump it up though. shoutouts to love and a smoking gun, i still am dying to hear that one

11. THE PAST HAS PASSED AWAY: my favorite lyrics out of the first 2 ep's. only thing wrong with it really is the bridge getting kinda repetitive. love that last chorus heehoo. same schpeel as the Banger Category

12. MMC: this one's lower than the rest of the Bangers for being pop punk which is something the radio has made me dislike, i guess. that trope with the guitar in the second half of the chorus just kills me so much. improves greatly during & after the bridge, love that lil ragtime piano. generally the same bit as before but i do love him doing something un-romance-related. yeah fuck the establishment!

13. THE DEVIL INSIDE: reminds me A Lot of the electronic-ish cassettes i've got from the early 90's but that's just me. this one will probably move up as i get more used to it, but only a little bit. the first part of the second verse makes me like. genuinely uncomfy? but the second part of it's fantastic. ending's ass though what happened to the instrumence. bonus points for using 'reverie' that's an SAT word (maybe). good singing but returning to the gripe at higher pitches, just a little bit though

14. THIS IS OUR LIFE: feels shockingly generic for a des rocs song tbh but there's nothing really wrong with that. adore the bridge. singing's alright. kinda miffed that he doesn't pronounce the 'f' in the second 'life' in the chorus, but it makes sense here. that sort of thing won't later so i'm bringing it up now. guitar's nothing spectacular but fits nicely into the song, probably one of the most cohesive of his (especially in recent history).

15. OUTTA MY MIND: really lives in the same space as slo and dead ringer do in my head (most likely the 'songs to twirl a flag to' zone), but this is by far the worst of the three for when i'm grumpy. just. Very repetitive. back to great lyrics here but it's kinda hard to pick them out (i've heard the song at least 100 times by now & i'm still missing a few lines). still groovin'

16. RUBY WITH THE SHARPEST LIES: what the fuck actually goes on in this song by the way? not the premise or whatever it's just. so all over the place. the verses are incredible but bringing in another vocalist just for one line kills me. bridge is really cool but that one part i don't remember where it is, the one that alternates basically nothing & an Electronic Piano Chord blaring at ya? ruins it. partially anyhow. also can someone tell the people on genius that it's 'carved it in my skin' not 'crawled down in my skin'

17. GIVE ME THE NIGHT: same repetitive issue as outta my mind but it's not groovy enough to save it, shame. feels like a trial run of all the wackshit stuff he's been doing recently, with the additional vocal bits at the end & the kinda weird lyrics. it still has a place in my heart don't get me wrong but it's just fallen in favor of stuff that Commits to banger or batshit (or actually pulls off both strongly, yyy). oh yeah nice guitar alright singing etc etc

18. USED TO THE DARKNESS: similar story to give me the night. i love it i do, but it's just lackluster nowadays. also remember that under-pronunciation thing i brought up in this is our life? this is where that comes back. rampant i tell you! that second verse he just doesn't finish the words & i hate it!

19. DON'T HURT ME: i honestly don't know why this one isn't in D. the chorus bit where he just cuts it short is irksome. the lyrics aren't anything special. i don't know what i like about it. but i can tell it does exactly what it set out to do if that makes sense. respect, respect. and using missile in an analogy, he's getting creative with the vocab

20. LIVING PROOF: kinda got a vendetta against this one i think? i don't know why i hate this one but i do. it's just kinda, blah. like the perfect sort of thing to nightcore up. sentiment's lovely & i do love the lyrics even if they aren't impressive but like. it bores me to an extent

21. TICK (LIVE): separating the version i heard in the digital concert just to give it some credit, this one was actually kinda nice. another one with a nice sentiment & what he was going for is great. no clue what the second part of the second verse has to do with any of this though. and it also begins our final group, the songs that just feel empty. like there's not nearly enough going on. this one's alright though i was just hoping the studio version would add some flair. you can see where that one is though.

22. IMAGINARY FRIENDS: also got a vendetta against pop. kinda hate the sentiment here (contrast!), the chorus just falls short of what the verses prime me for, head voice is rampant, and yet i still swing along to it. it's infectious props to him. love the outro though, monkey laugh and all.

23. MAYBE, I: another empty one, like it's a four-note progression what is that. love his singing in it, and the chorus parts do round it out, but like. eh? it doesn't even give me much to say.

24. BORN TO LOSE: another flop on the chorus! too smooth i say! and i absolutely Despise the pitch-shifting thing going on. not something i was expecting him to express so points there, lyrics are nothing fancy to my Literary Mind though. initially good singing but the chorus he's just sloppy over it. the instrumental is lovely but the vocals just throw it so hard into the bin which is a right shame. fuck that outro too i hate that gimmick

25. I KNOW: here's where the bad batshit comes in. singing is some of his worst imo, does the other-vocalist thing for that bridge, genre i'm not fond of, just a soup of Stuff I Don't Like. not one i'd kill someone over putting as #1 like i can see where it comes from but. mmmmmhhhh bad. cover does NOT help his case.

26. HVY MTL DRMR: empirically i should put this one higher. but the chorus flops so goddamn hard it deserves to be in the bottom of the barrel. the verses are lovely for what he was doing back then! but then just... nothing!

27. RABBIT HOLE: i was so excited for this name but it's just sad boi hours playlist curated by some corporation you hate. probably the most nothing of them all, genuinely where are the instruments. what happened. was this one just shoehorned in as the final track just to pump numbers up. and i swear he had some autotune or something which only makes his voice worse it's fantastic naturally. also that's not what a rabbit hole is! that's not the idiom! a rabbit hole is when you go on a wikipedia spiral from jennifer lopez to group theory! not when you just have a shitty night's sleep or whatever this is! i'm not just miffed i'm downright annoyed

28. TICK (STUDIO): what the fuck happened des. how did you release this. it sounds like a 3rd grader singing for the school talent show it's so out of rhythm. singing's honestly kinda bad & the instrumental has the same problems i talked about in the live version. the last chorus is fine, i guess, but no i don't forgive him for what he did to tick.

[tepidtrashpile]

covering taeyong’s parts

I am HEATED.

tldr: i don’t usually do stuff like this but i’m highly caffeinated and have nothing better to do so prepare for a (very convoluted and long) rant cause omg im so fucking mad. 

so for those of you who don’t know, nct 2020 had a resonance vlive/concert last night (dec 26/27) and taeyong and jisung were unable to perform due to a back injury (herniated disk) and knee injury respectively.

I’ll mainly be talking about taeyong in this just due to his extrEmely large presence within NCT and also jisung was there to vocally cover his parts.

(also not to take anything away from jisung, however in the sheer amount of screentime and tracks ty is in, him missing is much harder to disguise within a performance with or without vocals) 

in order these are the members that covered ty’s parts in each song (tbh i may be forgetting some, but the point is look at how hard they had to work to even fill ty’s dance position within the concert, the boy is in like 50% of their performed tracks)

nct u - boss - sungchan

nct u - the 7th sense - shotaro 

nct u - light bulb - yangyang

nct 127 - touch - haechan (first part), johnny (iconic ty and mork), yuta (pulls up in the chorus to fill in ty part to the stage right of jh) 

nct u - make a wish - jeno (first part), jaemin (basically rest of the song)

nct 127 - kick it - mark (usually the center parts), jaehyun (first rap), yuta (end dance break), johnny (mark stepped on him rip lol)

nct u - misfit - johnny (start), sungchan (end)

nct 2020 - resonance - jeno / jaemin (?) - dude idk im having trouble keeping up at this point

// I want to make it very clear that NCT would not be where it is without taeyong. I’m not suggesting that he is replaceable in any way, shape or form. however as a person with two parents in the performance industry - and im sure that many of u understand just from general life experience -- the show mUst go on. when you have a presence as large as ty missing, it is undoubtedly going to take a toll on the overall energy and performance but i personally think that the boys fucking killed it -- especially with such a short turnaround from learning that ty would not be performing. (jaemin said that jeno legit had one HOUR to practice the beginning of maw (and by proxy the beginning of resonance) and that amount of talent and skill is unfuckingbelievable) but I digress. 

// there is nothing wrong with being disappointed that taeyong cannot perform. (get well soon ty!) he is an incredible performer and human being. there is nothing wrong with seeing (and understanding) that another member filling ty’s part is going to FEEL different, even if they do a phenomenal job. there is nothing wrong with feeling the difference in energy and performance -- there is obviously ANOTHER PERSON doing the part that we are accustomed to. there is nothing wrong with having a conversation and discourse about the performance. however... there IS something wrong with putting down members and harshly criticizing their performance in a malicious way. constructive criticism is one thing, but a lot (not all but an overwhelming amount) of what I have seen in the comments and the little bit of twitter i have been on has just been bashing members (one in particular) about their performance. 

//

// let me get the easy part out of the way here. jaemin and jeno killed it during maw. yuta’s dance break, mark’s center time, jaehyun covering ty’s rap, and johnny stepping up to get stepped on (hehe i’ll stop now don’t mind me) were all surprisingly refreshing. yangyang covering lightbulb was (imo) one of highlights of the concert. for a rapper who often doesn’t get the recognition that he deserves he did a PHENOMENAL job covering the entirety of ty’s parts in his own way and conveying his emotions. yes, the members weren’t the same as taeyong, however, they added their own twist and their own personalities to it. it is in fact BETTER to do this and be remembered for their own style than attempt to emulate someone else’s performance. it is the sign of a great artist to take something and make it your own. 

// now, onto the two newest members. i will be candid about this. the biggest difference I felt within the performance was when sungchan and shotaro were covering ty’s parts. tbh this is to be expected (?). i’m not trying to put down the boys but the reality is that they debuted 2-3 MONTHS ago? all of the other members covering ty’s parts have had significantly more experience in every aspect of performing. jaemin and jeno may be about the same age as chan and shotaro but they have upwards of 4 years more experience (debuted anyway, and anyone can tell u that practicing vs the real thing can be a very daunting change) than the other two. the other members have performed in front of a live crowd, they have had time to deal with criticism and learn from it. they are just in every way more experienced, and although we expect great things out of all the members, it is simply unrealistic to expect the same level of performance out of members with 2 years less experience than anyone else on the stage. 

aneway...

shotaro covered one of the hardest parts in nct history - taeyong’s 7th sense. in every way - the rap, the technicality of the dance, the sheer charisma ty brings - this was a daunting task. him being a rookie DID show in the performance. this isn’t a bad thing. the tone of his rap did sometimes lack nuance and the level of sophistication that we know taeyong to have. however, i do think shotaro was the right choice for this song. you have to give rookies experience for them to grow, and a concert like this (even without a live crowd) is a great time to do it. (i’ll get into logistics later but bear with me)

the sad reality is that we’re probably not going to have large in person concerts for at least the next year and it will be a long time til travel, concerts, and simply life return to what they were before covid. it will be a very long til the boys get to perform on a stage with the energy of a crowd in the same way they have up til now. 

now sungchan. my poor bb sungchan :(

sungchan covered ty’s part is boss (and a little bit in misfit but johnny covered the first part and its more of a hype rap song than one with designated dance moves and centre parts). the dance (in boss) may not be the most technical but this is an unfORGETTABLE song when it comes to taeyong’s part. the beginning “nct leggo?” *chefs kiss*. from what i’ve seen sungchan is the one receiving  the most criticism (read hate) about his performance. look, i’m not going to argue that out of all the members who filled ty’s part he was the weakest. (im not trying to hate, but imo his performance was the weakest, u can disagree with me). he definitely less comfortable with covering taeyong’s part than anyone else was - including shotaro. i think most of the criticism is coming from the fact that he just looked anxious and unable to throw himself into the choreo and when comparing him to taeyong (who again just -- idk he’s unexplainable) his performance does fall a little flat. imo the rap was okay, his tone is actually somewhat similar to ty. i really think that most of the hate is stemming from the execution of the choreo rather than the rap. HOWEVER... calling him “stiff as a board” and commenting “cap” emojis does absolutely nothing except spread unnecessary hate. sungchans position is NOT as a dancer. he is only listed as a rapper. shotaro, however, is listed as both a dancer and a rapper. not to say that these listings are the end all be all of a member’s position, but because they are so new they are a decent representation of what SM thought their strengths were. we would love our idols to be aces at everything, but they are human and humans have their strengths and weaknesses. compared to taeyong, and also shotaro, sungchan does not have the technical ability nor the confidence while dancing. I’d like to believe that anyone who analyzes their performances and takes an objective view can understand where i am coming from. 

tldr: you are placing unrealistic expectations on a rookie who’s main position is NOT main dancer. you are asking him to fill the shoes of arguably one of the most charismatic and talented rappers, leaders, and centers of 4th gen kpop... as a ROOKIE. his performance is most likely going to show cracks of being relatively new to the stage. its okay to acknowledge that, but don’t be fucking rude when discussing his performance. 

// the amount of posts i’ve seen calling sungchan “untalented” “stiff as a board” just im so fucking over it. yes, his performance had its weaknesses but name-calling and just straight up hate does nothing to help a performer and just ruins everyone’s mental. you can bet your ass that every single one of these boys has worked their ass off, given up unimaginable things, and faced challenges to get where they are today. not to mention that (in particular the case of sungchan and shotaro) these boys are young. the other youngest/newest members have had about 2 years (yangyang, xiaojun, hendery) to become accustomed to the criticism and also hatred that comes with being in the spotlight. sungchan is less than a MONTH older than me. shotaro is just a year older than me. my best friend is legit older than both of these boys. idk your age but think about yourself at their age, or where u think you’ll be at their age. they have accomplished SO much and are so young. they’re 19 and 20 and in an internationally recognized band. we know that a lot of these boys (and idols) do read our comments. i don’t care how much media training you’ve received, how strong your mental is, getting called untalented and being hated on is going to take a toll on your mental. along with that, what is the NEED? to spread hate? to show that “huhu, im such a big deal that all these people are responding to me”. like, legit wtf do u gain from this? 

// when you are a performer you do open yourself up to criticism, it is part of the job. but criticism and hate are two very different things. to get where nct is today, every single member has to be humble enough to accept guidance AND constructive criticism. we all know how much the boys value nctizens opinions and take them into account when performing. when you are a performer like that you also have to criticize your own work. no matter what profession you are in, no matter what you do, you analyze ur own work and attempt to make it better. i can all but assure u that shotaro and sungchan (and all the boys) know their strengths and weaknesses, know when a specific move, performance, or other area of their ability is not up to par (or they just want to improve which is imperative to success in the music industry)

just be a decent human being. put urself in all of the boy’s shoes and think “hmm how would i feel if some stranger on the internet said this about me” before you make hateful statements. 

again, there is nothing wrong with having a discussion and understanding that humans have strengths and weaknesses, but don’t just put someone down because u feel like it.

//

in case you aren’t convinced to be a decent person, have a more logical (?) approach -- not that u should have to shown a dissertation to be a decent human but i digress.

(think about how many other songs the rest of rap line has to perform, logistically, who else are you going have cover the entierty of boss and 7th sense.)

rap line is: taeyong, mark, lucas, hendery, jeno, jaemin, yangyang, shotaro, sungchan, and jisung (?).  

everyone except lucas and hendery (and jisung but bb was injured :( ) covered ty’s part in some aspect. in fact, people not in the friggin rap line helped cover some of ty’s rap (johnny, jaehyun, haechan im looking at you) and other members covered dancing and center parts when they were asked to.

mark is in just as many tracks as ty and was RUNNING around to get to the next song this entire concert. you can legit see his outfit change with jackets and hats. he filled in for ty in kick it (group effort but u get the point) but in 7th sense just to the way that the song works and the dance etc etc, you can’t have mark doing his part as well as ty’s without it falling flat and taking a huge toll on mark. same with boss, marks filling just as big a role as ty and like, legit how do u give this boy mOre lines than he already has. (u can see that sm did a similar thing with jeno and jaemin in the beginning of maw, jeno covers the first part and then jaemin the rest of the song because jaemin can’t leave an open space at the vEry beginning of the song) (10/21 total performances)

lucas isn’t in as many as say mark but he is in boss and make a wish (boss being very hard for him to cover ty’s part, and jeno and jaemin covered maw. if i’m being completely honest i don’t think lucas has the same tone or technical ability to fit into ty’s parts in the songs as much as say - sungchan on a pure technical and tone pov (6/21 total performances)

hendery, similar to lucas isn’t in an absurd amount of tracks but still enough to tire a guy out lol. because of him performing full choreos in other songs it doesn’t make sense for him to learn a completely new choreo while simultaneously having to memorize and practice the others songs. also, in a similar vein of lucas, i just don’t think hendery is the first choice when choosing someone to cover ty’s parts (dont kill me hendery and lucas stans lol) (6/21 total performances)

jeno while jeno isn’t in the sheer number of performances as other members, he does end up covering ty’s starting part in maw (see reasoning for jaemin above). this by proxy means he covers the maw part in resonance. while he does a fantastic job covering the starting part, asking him to learn the entirety of boss or 7th sense would be a fuckton of work. u can legit see him yEEt himself out of camera view after his part - not to mention again that he had an hour to practice lol (6/21 total performances) 7/21 covering

jaemin - first off u can literally see jaemin’s energy fall throughout the final song the boy is so tired by aneyway... it makes total sense for him to cover maw as he already knows the choreo and it take less effort than learning an entirely new song. also, when ur comparing popularity/center time between jeno and jaemin vs. hendery (even lucas sometimes) they simply have more, and when u aRe in the center u have to expend more energy becAuse u are holding the performance together (6/21 performances)

yangyang let me get my yangyang simping out of the way, but this boy is so fucking talented and his rap deserves more praise. lightbulb compared to other songs ty is in, is a more melodic and emotional based song. there is no choreo, therefore the person covering the rap just has to focus on the rap itself rather than the rap AND the choreo. imo this was the best possible choice for someone to cover ty’s part in lightbulb (6/21 total) 7/21 covering ty’s part

shotaro shotaro is only in 4/21 performances. it simply makes sense for the rap line member with the fewest songs to perform to learn a a full choreo. as stated above, 7th sense is the more technically difficult of the songs that required learning and covering a full part. assigning shotaro (the dance line member) to the more challenging choreo is just the easy choice -- especially if ya’ll gonna come for sungchan’s dancing skills, give the damn song to shotaro smh (4/21 performances) 5 when covering 7th sense

sungchan tied with shotaro for the fewest performances (just by nature of being the newest members) in the same way that it makes sense for shotaro to learn a full choreo, it makes sense for sungchan. reasoning for the assigned songs above. (4/21 total performacnes) 5 with boss

// the songs where they didn’t have a designated member cover most/all of taeyong’s parts were in the 127 songs as well as in baby don’t stop (ten and taeyong duet). 127 is the most veteran of the nct subgroups, and is in general just more accustomed to filling in parts (ie winwin - screw u sm lol). they have johnny who trained as a rapper who can fill in, jaehyun, haechan, and yuta have all proven that they can cover rap with more a sing-rap style and mark can take/cover parts when it is logistically possible. 

// in 127′s songs although ty does often take center and many lines, in general 127 is just a more well rounded group. (don’t come for my ass). in the same way that dream has an undeniable chemistry, 127 is the same way. when you work with the same group of people for an extended period of time without many (if any) changes you just build better chemistry. in nct u taeyong takes more of the spotlight just due to his charisma and raw power. think about it. which performance suffered more due to taeyong’s absence: touch / kick it or make a wish / boss / 7th sense. 

also: because 127 is a fixed unit all the boys know the choreo and have consistently performed it at concerts allowing for member to step in where they know they are comfortable without the amount of discussion it might otherwise take in a rotational group

// take a second to think about a certain performance without taeyong in it. it may just be me, but i think 127 fare much better without their leader than any rotational group without taeyong very (firmly ?) bolstering the performance in the center. (taeyong doesn’t hold all these titles for nothing, he is truly another breed)

// in baby don’t stop they didn’t even attempt to cover taeyong’s absence. idk if that was ten putting his foot down and saying that he didn’t want someone covering the part or if it was more of a choice based on marketing and fanservice. baby don’t stop is truly ten and taeyong’s song and idk if even pairing 10 with a dancer with ty’s vocal in the backtrack would have received positive feedback. 

//

if you have somehow made it this far props to you lol. a rant that started because i wanted to defend sungchan has turned into a long analysis of members... whoops.

tldr: just be a decent human being. everyone in nct is human. a talented, multifaceted, human with strengths and weaknesses. being a nctizen doesn’t mean not being proud, disappointed, happy, or any other emotion about the boys. but it does mean treating the boys and other fans with respect. 

[bigsteeb]

this is gonna be a long post so bear with me, growing pains got a b i g emotional reaction out of me & I need to share my thoughts & feelings about it because jesus fucking christ.

ok first things first, someone hug this boy immediately. he’s sat in his room, still in his pajamas, in day time watching dog copter. this whole scene is just steven going “lol I’m sad, I’m gonna comfort eat & stay in my pajamas & watch a kids show I watched when I wasn’t as sad haha” & it’s not only upsetting, but relatable too fuck. his room is a mess along with him eating ice cream at what I assume is morning… making it his breakfast? geez steven. also idk if it’s just me here but in this shot he looks… bigger? like ignoring his body size shifting later on in the episode he looks a lot wider than he usually does when paul & drew board episodes to me, he’s rivalling etienne & maya’s steven’s wideness. did he… get chubbier from comfort eating? how much time has passed since together forever for him to put on weight if he has? this could literally just be steven slouching or his pajamas making him look bigger but as someone who is an advocate for the body positivity shown in su & suf it has me curious. I want to hug this soft, sad boy. It could also be due to how steven’s design fluctuates through the animation process, it’s never really on model all the time. 

the grunting noise he makes in this scene is very distressing, as are other moments from the episode too. a glimpse at the glow-bracelet he proposed to connie with is enough to physically pain him? fuck me man. is he leaving his room where there’s already ice cream… to get more ice cream? sobs. also the puns in this shot. I cant? slow burn?! you’re evil crewniverse. not to mention his body size changing throughout this scene, god this poor lad.

screams, this was when I started worrying. the boy is now in an environment he has never been in before & is feeling extremely uncomfortable & vulnerable. look at the lines under his eyes, his sad eyebrows & pout I hate it. also don’t even get me started on this part. the slight raise of a voice being enough to send him into panic?! fuck I hate how much I relate to that. 

here’s where I immediately broke, no god damn pun intended. seeing steven’s skeleton, steven’s fucking skull, like this pained me. that crack on his skull is from fucking jasper in jail break. I can’t express all of the visceral emotions that were going through my body at this. there was intense sadness for steven, extreme anger at jasper & the gems for allowing shit like this to happen to him. turns out he’s not as resilient as we thought he was. each hit he takes physically breaks him & then his gem instantly heals his wounds, my heart fucking broke at this. think back to everything that happened to him, everything that physically hurt him. it broke him I can’t deal with it! then there’s what priyanka says to steven next;

“you seem to of made a series of miraculous recoveries, but that doesn't change the fact that you experienced trauma. you’ve recovered physically but, have you recovered mentally?”

this part here along with her reassuring him that there’s nothing wrong with his brain, how childhood trauma can have an impact on how your body responds to stress & how you act in your social life, the usage of the word “cortisol” too. this stuff being in a children's tv show is incredible. the writing for priyanka describes trauma simply enough for kids to understand, but for adults to fully realise too. folks, steven has ptsd. there wasn't one bit of sugarcoating about it or nothing, this is canon fact & it hurts me. for so long have I wanted steven’s emotional issues to be alked about, to not only be brought to steven’s attention but to the audience’s too.

everything that has happened to him has built up to this moment. this moment where his behaviour & coping methods are finally making sense to a large majority of the fandom, & to steven himself. he’s hurting; physically, mentally & emotionally, & he isn’t coping well what so ever about it. his emotional support system is complete garbage, no one regularly checks in on him & folks just take steven at face value like “oh yea glowing pink? he’s fine it’s just steven” but he’s the bad person?! I hope a lot of you out there who genuinely believe steven is a bad person re-think yourselves after this. dealing with trauma is tough as shit. some days you even wonder if that one thing that fucked you up is really worth being labelled as trauma. I still can’t believe this is the route they’re taking, if he doesn’t get some form of therapy by the end of future I’ll be furious.

then things begin to spiral as he remembers what happened with connie. he clutches his chest in pain & begins changing size over intense amounts of stress & it was extremely distressing to watch. steven immediately reassures connie that this isn’t because of her, but because of everything else that happened to him. however. I believe that that’s a slight lie, he wouldn’t of spiralled if he hadn’t of remembered the proposal, steven you fucking himbo. he continues to reassure them both that he’s fine, just that he needs them to leave so he can calm himself enough to control himself.

then this happens.

“I. CAN’T. BE AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!”

this was fucking intense. he means this literally in 2 ways btw. his body size shifting over the stress he’s feeling is a danger to both connie & priyanka in this moment, but it’s also because of how it started. being around connie hurts him. he’s not mad at her though let me make that very clear, just that thinking about what happened when he tired to propose to her is sending his head in a fritz. he did what he did full of confidence in together forever, for connie to then make him realise how silly he was being. these two are destined for each other, but that advice from ruby & sapphire has really fucked with him. he looks up to those 2, looks up to garnet, their relationship is so strong & stable. for them to give him that advice & to then scream “DO IT!” in his face is incredibly tasteless imo.

then greg gets here. I knew connie was calling for either greg or the gems when she was on her phone as she left the room, fuck yea connie I love you. the breathless, strained “thank you” from steven towards connie for calling his dad? g o d. connie telling him she’ll be there for him when he’s ready?! g o d. these next boards were done by rebecca, I knew immediately when I saw steven’s face. it makes sense that rebecca boarded these, because fuck. 

how do I move on from all of the stuff I’ve been through? how do I live life if it always feels like I’m about to die!?

I’m tearing up as I type this. when I first heard the leak of this audio I so badly wanted to believe it, but to also believe it was fake too. I was an emotional mess off & on for about 3 days over it because I couldn't stop thinking about how fucking distressing it was. like… shit steven. he seriously feels this. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain he felt just saying this in front of his fucking dad. he is hurting badly. this boy, this sweet sweet boy we’ve watched grow & develop into the person he is today is distraught about his future & life. it is… soul crushing to watch this. a group of friends of mine have found joking about the episode as a form of coping with the intensity of it & as much as that’s valid as fuck, any joke coming from this episode feels morally wrong to me. I can’t bring myself to join in it feels terrible even thinking about laughing at it to cope. I love them all, but I can’t bare myself to join them. this moment ending with greg comforting steven, telling him he’s here for him & all of his struggles, got me weeping. greg is possible the best father figure I’ve seen on tv, let alone a kids tv show. he’s amazing.

the final scene right here is lovely. greg making steven a hot chocolate & listening to him vent, reassuring him over his worry for his future. this right here is exactly what steven needs. someone to talk to, someone he could trust to talk about his feelings to. this the start of his support system, tag on peri from in dreams, bis in bismuth casual as well as connie from the past few episodes & it’s already looking great! even when greg eased him about being there for him steven still feels guilty about him leaving his tour, leaving his tour because he got a phone call from connie about his son being in need & steven feels guilty about it. fucking hell man. I did enjoy how the episode ended though, with that little moment between the both of them;

“just get some rest kiddo. you don’t have to solve all of your problems in one night.”

“yea. thanks dad.”

it’s a great message too, all of your struggles can’t be dealt with all at once. I’ve used a similar analogy before but it’s like removing a dead tree. you have to deal with all of the little things surround this issue first before you get to the deep, harder stuff. along side the message about trauma they’re both very important messages, I’m glad they exist in the show.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one more thing before I end my thoughts & feelings over growing pains.

this ending shot;

as soon as I saw the frog mug my mind raced back to the promo for this scene, & this whole moment to come entirely. if you remember this moment has the first set of leaked audio within it, the audio of the gems basically cornering steven about him not opening up to them. christ pearl even gets mad at him for his gem building a wall behind him, protecting him from them. it’s common knowledge, I hope, that steven’s gem reacts to his emotional state. pearl herself has said this;

“I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.”

his gem building this wall? it felt like steven was being threatened by them. this scene now has awful connotations with it. because since we now know what the pink mode is doing to steven, how actually painful it is, think back to these;

yea. fuck the gems. I’ll let it slide if steven, greg or priyanka haven’t told them about what happened at the hospital. but if they do know, if they know how much it hurts steven being in his pink mode & still press into him about it I’ll see red. with steven’s trauma & now ptsd being cemented into the show I fucking hope garnet, amethyst & pearl get held accountable for what they put on him as a kid. that shit will not slide with me if they don’t. do not condone what the gems put him through. do not condone the gems for making steven feel like he had to be his mum for them. just… don’t. please.

[mc-critical]

What are your thoughts on Ibrahim? For me it went from indifference and dislike in season 1 to liking in season 2 and becoming my favorite male character in season 3 tbh. Actually the only good male character by season 3 (season 4 has many other options too). He is probably the most complex and well written character and I really sympathise with him. His arrogance was his downfall but if Suleyman wasn't such a bitch it wouldn't have been lol. He wasn't wrong in that imo. He was a slave, a fisherman's son but his intelligence and skill took him farther than anyone else and it's not wrong to be proud of such a feat. He deserved the pride more than just about anyone, even Suleyman. What I dislike the most about him is his treatment of Nigar after their relationship ended. She's my favorite character and although their relationship itself was my favorite in the whole show (other than Nurbanu and Selim) it ended really badly

Ibrahim is one of my most conflicting characters on the series: one time I feel like I don't get the appeal, especially not the stans in one Bulgarian forum, he doesn't elicit such a strong emotional reaction in me as he does in others, but then once he hits an incredibly strong arc and I begin to analyze his character and all its dimensions, I come to love him for what he is and realize how much effort has gone in conceiving and developing him. He's certainly the most well-written male character that isn't a sultan or a prince in the entire franchise. (the sultans aren't the brightest, but the bar is so high when it comes to their writing. There isn't any of them that is badly written. The princes are also well developed, but now that I think about it, Ibrahim surpasses some of them as well!) He's delightfully fleshed out with every detail; his actions, while morally ambiguous at times, are very understandable and you can clearly see the deeper, nuanced reasons why he does what he does. His arc was a sight to see from beginning to end and watching it reach its inevitable tragic conclusion was heartwrenching. At a point he became so important to the narrative, whether it was intentional or not, that the show (or actually, S03B in particular, because S04 was absolutely fantastic!) began to lowkey miss something without him. He had such a strong presence that couldn't be matched by anyone else after him.

[To be brutally honest though, I find his dynamic with Hürrem in terms of screentime to be kinda overrated. Not that it's bad or anything, quite the contrary - their chemistry was great, they were consistent and fun to watch, they had quite a few great scenes that were definetly more than Hürrem and Mahidevran's, I dare even say this is one of the most solid antagonistic dynamics of Hürrem's writing-wise, but I just find it sometimes gets way too much credit? It's weird, I know.]

The most interesting thing about him is, without a doubt, his fatal flaw that I... actually don't think is arrogance. It's not up for argument that Ibrahim can definetly come off as arrogant, but the arrogance is rather a manifestation of his fatal flaw, not his fatal flaw itself. I believe that it's precisely his inferiority complex that is the root of his vulnerabilities: as you said, he's been only a fisherman in Parga, and his background is both a source of memories where he can recall his more "innocent" days with his family and a tough spot for him where he is consistently reminded of something that is already in the past after all he has achieved. He did want to return to Parga, to see who he used to be one more time, but after that it's as if he never gets a chance to forget, to put it behind him. He pretends he has forgotten, but that consistent reminder of how he has started seems to be constantly haunting him to the point he begins to remind himself of it. It's not only people like Figani, Iskender Çelebi or the other members of the divan in early S01 that don't let him forget, it's as if he himself doesn't want to forget. It's undeniable that he had climbed up to heights he wouldn't dream of and the role of a grand vezier needed getting used to and to be dealt with with care. On one hand, we could argue that he reminds himself of Parga as a way to preserve his moral compass, in a way, to realize when and how he has screwed up or remind himself of the limitations of how far can he go, for Süleiman is his friend and companion who he wouldn't want to disappoint. But on the other hand, the more he rose in the hierarchy, the stronger became a wish for him to exceed these limitations placed upon him by everyone around. Süleiman is able to give him everything if he wishes, so why not let it happen? Then he's going to prove to everyone, prove to his inner demons, this sense of inferiority that he, in fact, can not only become the most politically adept grand vezier there is, but a person who has his own country within the country and can rule it with ease. The political arena ultimately becomes a target of his inner conflict where he projects more power than anyone else, is most influential and does the best in order to gain the goal, not only to gain SS's approval, but show that, yeah, he can do his best for the role he's put in, fixating on the Ottoman country he claims to be a ruler of and his apparently endless rights. It turns into a coping mechanism where he can escape his past and background and he gets so sucked in it that his self awareness becomes less and less. That's where his arrogance comes from and I feel that if he didn't possess that complex of his, he would've managed things way better and had more self control, as a result. He was a very good politician in the show, setting in motion many good strategies (his strategy gave them the Mohacs victory after all), having a strong, pragmatic mind and many innovative ideas and if he didn't try his hardest to convince himself he's worth something that isn't just the story of the fisherman in Parga, Hürrem wouldn't stand a chance against him.

This inferiority complex is the reason for his infidelity, too. He loves Hatice dearly and he never expected that she of all people would do the very thing he dreads the most. Her pulling rank on him came as such a shock for him that it seemed he would never forget or forgive. It put infinetly more salt to the wound, deeply hurting his ego and the self-esteem he was just beginning to gain. That's why he let himself in Nigar's hands for so long, for she would only want to please him, for that relationship would have no limitations whatsoever and wouldn't restrict Ibrahim in any way. It was something that was his, something the dynasty would never touch or learn about. I love Nigar and Ibrahim's relationship, too. Principally, I'm not a fan of love triangles at all, but that one is a notable exception for how wonderfully, but crushingly psychological it is. It wasn't added in only for the sake of the drama, it was set up for very long and it was like the characters actually got there through their own actions and they had to truly face that struggle to flesh out and evolve. But there wasn't genuine love there, not in Ibrahim's part. That was his biggest weakness speaking, causing the illusion of love, not the real feeling of it. He wanted to preserve this relationship as the fisherman in Parga, but to me, it felt like he showed something more similar to his own confident assertions of the power of a grand vezier than actual regard for Nigar's feelings. It all was a lie he wanted to believe, because of his ego's denial, and he believed it so much he told Nico that Nigar was the person he truly loved in E51. And when he did get out of the lie (the monologue in E57), see how he reacts differently in front of her now - he turns off every single try of hers to give him affection, he reacted very badly when he learned she was pregnant, it was as if he wanted her to wake up from the dream and move on, too? And due to his inner conflict that perpetuates his arrogance grew even more in S03, he got over Nigar, but not over her child. Esmanur's birth made him return to and enforced his old habits that made him consider that child as another piece of solace, something out of the dynasty, also only his, trying so desperately to have her live with him and Hatice. The infidelity and the way he treated Nigar after he realized the error of his ways are ones of the worst things Ibrahim did, along with Leo (now, I get he wanted to knock Hürrem down a peg, but that was admittedly much for me.) and while I understand why these events and interactions came to fruition, I can't justify him for them.

I agree that had Süleiman not given him as much power, his inferiority complex would be highly downplayed, at the very least. He underestimated the possible consequences of Ibrahim's rise and it really doesn't look like he knows him as much as he thinks he does. Whether he did it to test him (SS's lasting reminders that Ibrahim gets closer to death) or because he loves him dearly and wants to embrace his potential ("I want you to use that mind only for me!") or both, it's like he gave him both too much freedom and too many boundaries at once. I mean, I understand why SS executed Ibrahim: his affirmations, no matter their backstory and how metaphorical they are, pose a definite threat for a padişah and along with his growing paranoia of betrayal, he couldn't be sure how far he was going to go anymore. It's as if Ibrahim crossed every line, openly acting like he controls the padişah and his state in front of the fellow pashas, efendis and ambassadors and that couldn't be controlled anymore. It's as if he had done his best efforts to bring him down to earth, but since none of it was working, he decided to act accordingly. The many "failures" of Ibrahim have been piling up in the narrative in the span of 81 episodes and I get why SS would finally snap for what was the final straw. However, doing so much unprecedented stuff for a grand vezier was bound to bring disasters for the padişah due to the chance in his mind that he would try to question or prevail over him, hence Süleiman should've realized that it was only natural one would want more and more. And that happened with S03 Ibrahim - he fought more and more with his inner demons, hence wanting to have more and more to be validated by the others and by his own ego that perhaps wouldn't feel satisfied regardless.

While his fatal flaw underlines his complexity, it also gets complimented by his many positive qualities: his love for Hatice was very sweet in the beggining and after the Nigar plot, it turned out to be really genuine - their reconciliation was very telling in that aspect; his relationship and loyalty to Süleiman deserves respect, even though his inferiority complex came in the way, he still would never give him up and never once lost hope in his recovery when he was in his deathbed and while that may become up for debate in S03, he would never openly stand against him and would gladly try his best to please him; his bond with Mustafa is amazing, too - I love how he practically raised that kid and gave him sound advice as well as his mother; that said, his relationship with Mahidevran deserves more appreciation and it is one of the most reciprocal and understanding, soft and "carefee" dynamics of the show; I love his dedication to his family and how he loves them as much and remembers them with the same fondness as ever before. In short, when going in depth, this multifaceted character has so much to offer, like, wow!

Okay, when I first watched the show, there was that point where I felt Ibrahim overstayed his welcome and I even wanted for Hürrem to finish him already (heh, those were the days! 😅) but now when I've rewatched and reexamined MC many times, I see that despite of his few negative traits, everything about this character flows so well and so organically and it's one of the characters in the series that have aged really well with time in my eyes. And I respect him so much for that.

[monotonous-minutia]

Merlin mini-rant

I really like the show but one of the things that doesn’t sit quite as well with me is the handling of who started as possibly my second-favorite character, Morgana.

I like heroine Morgana. She’s sassy and spunky and sweet, has a little more humility (and possibly humanity, at least at first) than Arthur, so they balance each other out at the start. Despite the fact that (and I’m still not really sure why they do this, because it doesn’t last long) the narrative seems to ship them at first, they have a really sweet, genuine sibling relationship that helps build the foundation of their friend group/found family. Morgana is physically strong and agile without the narrative making her sacrifice her femininity to be so (as is too often seen). She’s also very smart and talented in ways that others aren’t; while several characters are off winning physical battles afar, she’s at home winning battles with words. There are many episodes in Season One where the story would not have ended as well as they did if she hadn’t said what she did, to whom she did. She knows the ins and outs of the palace, she knows who’s who, and she knows what everyone’s priorities are, so she can almost always find the right thing to say to make them see sense, and often come to realizations that help them grow as people. She has a deep, innate empathy to those around her regardless of rank, while still recognizing ranks enough to utilize her power appropriately (and sometimes just be a little priss--she’s young, y’know). She’s incredibly gay with Gwen and I love it.

I also like villain Morgana. Her journey from the above-described heroine to the ruthless villain we see by the end of the series is well-thought-out, and the slow deterioration of her morality based on the events she goes through is both heartbreaking and makes me want to bang my head into the wall. She continues to be incredibly powerful, still using her wit and words as weapons, as well as becoming an alarmingly great sorceress. Her degeneration from the stately figure we see early on to the deranged witch by the end of the action is meticulous. And the fact that she’s still very attached to Gwen even after all these developments, and even when Gwen makes the choice to stay in Camelot, is an interesting touch that adds a depth to her that isn’t always seen with villains.

But I gotta say I love heroine Morgana more, and not really just for emotional reasons.

I’m not mad that the main villain of the series ends up being a woman, because the idea that women can’t be villains is just ridiculous to me. And, as said before, her arc is very well-written imo, so it doesn’t seem like a cop-out, like “we just wanted a girl villain bc girls are bad.”

I am a little mad that when the main villain turns out to be a woman, it leaves only one woman in the principle cast of heroes. Not that Gwen can’t totally hold her own, but it would have been nice to have her dynamic feminine duo with Morgana (and their ridiculous gayness) for the rest of the series, rather than leaving the majority of the action up to the men. Plus, I think keeping Morgana around as a hero might have given Gwen more outlets to be involved in the main action as well, since these two are definitely a power couple.

Dramatically speaking I think it might have worked better, too. Again, I like the villain arc Morgana gets--it isn’t rushed and it’s well-thought-out. But I think it would have been even nicer to have them be two different characters. Maybe keep Nimueh around for a few extra seasons, and/or introduce someone else with the same powers Morgana ends up with. Or keep Morgause; she could even still be Morgana’s half-sister, but Morgana refuses to join her, adding another layer to the hero/villain dynamics. Her backstory could be similar, and we could see parts of it along the way as it intertwines with the rest of the plot.

But I would have loved to see Morgana stay in Camelot as one of the lead heroes. Early on she doesn’t seem to have any desire to gain the throne (and I always thought the whole “she’s-actually-Uther’s-biological-daughter” thing was a cop-out anyway), so I can totally see her finding herself in a supportive, advisor-type role to Arthur as he takes on more and more responsibility. Their sibling dynamic would provide a lot of genuine sweetness and sassy banter throughout. She could continue to provide valuable assistance during the adventures, using her words and knowledge and influence to help out, becoming wiser as the years go on and helping Arthur build a strong kingdom.

She could have continued her super-sweet relationship with Gwen, supporting her as she slowly becomes more important in the court, vouching for her despite her rank, and continuing to be incredibly gay.

I think it would have been really cool if she and Merlin connected early on about their magic and confided in each other. I would have loved to see the two of them struggling together as they harness their powers, and bonding over that; and Merlin for once being able to take on a mentor-type role where his contributions are actually acknowledged, as he helps Morgana through the early stages of her revelations. Plus, it would help both of them feel much less alone, which not only saves Morgana from the villain path, but also gives Merlin some of the attention and support that he needs and never effing gets.

I think it would be funny if Arthur’s impression that they’re flirting continued throughout the series as a running gag, especially as they’d be making excuses to spend more time together so they can help each other with their magic. They could even use it to their advantage at times to get him off their backs. (On that note, I can see Morgana concluding the series with no other love interest than Gwen, though it would also be funny if she continually received suitors that were more running gags or funny side-plots to other stories).

I can almost see it like this: instead of refusing to tell Morgana that he also has magic in 2x3 (“The Nightmare Begins”), Merlin actually does tell her, so instead of her going to the Druids and starting that path of conflict, she and Merlin become closer and her goals become more focused and she’s less scared, and that prevents her from going down the path of darkness.

As Morgana works to understand and control her powers, she could learn about its history and lore and the Old Religion and stuff and be able to help identify sorcery and mythical creatures when they come across them.

And her relationship with Mordred could add yet another layer to the hero/villain dynamic; she could take on a mentoring role for him when he joins the Knights, maybe even helping him out with his magic and trying to get him into her and Merlin’s little “magic circle.” Merlin’s suspicion of Mordred could cause some juicy personal conflict between him and Morgana, and Mordred’s inevitable betrayal would be devastating in a dramatically satisfying way, if that makes sense.

All in all, I do like villain Morgana and her whole villain arc; but I would have liked it even more if she’d stayed in Camelot as one of the heroes, keeping her place in the principle cast of characters and remaining an important part of their friend group/Disaster Bi Club.

anyway....those are my thoughts...idk if anyone on here even knows what I’m talking about lol but I wanted to get it out there; I usually do my TV show rants on Twitter but the character limit for posts prevents long stuff like this.

[harrowscore]

Mikasa Ackermann, Levi Ackermann, Amane Misa, Aeron Greyjoy for the charactet ask :3

SOMEONE HEARD MY PRAYERS AND NOW MY TIME HAS COME, tysm!!!!! <3

okay, let's start with levi (my beloved):

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life (THEE little feral anime man after my heart)

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (Dark, Tall and Snarky + piercing grey-blue eyes and chronic insomnia? clearly my type ❤)

hogwarts house: gryffindor (maybe....?) | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

ugh, the hp sorting house system is way too reductive. he has qualities of gryffindor, slytherin, and hufflepuff - brave, astute, loyal to a fault, etc. so it's a hard choice. but if i really have to choose, i'd go for gryffindor. i know that his Bad Boy facade shouts slytherin, but while he has larger goals (killing all the titans, then saving the world etc.), he's got no actual ambition for himself. hufflepuff would also be a good option.

daemon (from the his dark materials series): (because i've just decided that's just way more accurate than the hp method) some kind of big feline. maybe a panther - a black panther would be the ideal - aloof, predatory, dangerous, fiercely independent.

best quality: besides his obvious strenghts as a leader and warrior, the way he cares for his comrades-in-arms. it's very hard to gain his trust and respect, but once you have it, it's forever. he's pragmatic and ruthless, yes, but he also has a huge capacity for compassion and friendship. not that he would be effusive about his affections, of course.

worst quality: none, he's absolutely perfect ❤ jklsdfhjk jokes aside, he really struggles to open up (a serious understatement), idt he ever talked about his traumatic past with anyone. i mean, maybe he mentioned it to hange and erwin (erwin knew him when he was still an undergound thug, so...), but... he's not great with feelings. despite his apathetic, intimidating mask, he feels and cares deeply, but he has a long history with losing the people he loves, so he tries to not personally care about his squadmates, which can be both a strenght and a weakness. of course, he spectacularly fails at this.

ship them with: well, it's not a secret that i'm a huge rivamika fan, this ship is almost literally consuming my waking thoughts lmao. imo they're perfectly compatible: very similar personalities (stoic, the strongest warriors, absolutely terrifying on the battlefield but with a soft underbelly), very similar pasts/experiences, so many parallels that it's actually ridiculous, etc. i love how they're both each other's equals and likeness (yes, i took it from jane eyre. no, i don't regret anything lmao). a lot of tropes i love, too: Terrible First Impression (the Pride and Prejudice vibes are so strong with these two, you have no idea), Kindred Spirits/Mirror Images, Veteran/Young Prodigy, The Last of Their Kind, even Height Difference lmao. i could write a whole rivamika manifesto, but this is already too long. (maybe for some other time 👀) i would've loved for their dynamic to be more explored in canon but alas, isayama clearly didn't give a shit about the ackerman legacy, he just used it as a plot shortcut to give them conveniently unique powers, since they never really talked about it 🙄 (and before some troll comes into my askbox shouting "you iNcEsT fReAk!!!!1!!", they're only very distantly related. we know shit about the ackermans but we know for sure that they've got at least several generations between them. biologically their shared DNA is 0%, obviously they don't see each other as family, all the eldians have a dead ass common ancestor from 2000 years ago so they're all basically ⁓related anyway. if you really wanna scream about i.ncest, go watch got/dark/the borgias and shut the fuck up please. or alternatively go outside and touch some grass) sorry for the rant, uh. anyway, i can also see levi/erwin. idk if i'd ever care enough to read a fic about them (i'm usually a huge multishipper, but for some weird reason not when it comes to rivamika? same with braime and kastle tbh), but still, i can see it.

brotp them with: hange and erwin, obv. veteran trio >>> ema trio, sorry not sorry (at least h. and e. died before yams had the chance to ruin their character arcs)

needs to stay away from: ...uh, filth, i guess? lmao

misc. thoughts: besides the stupid teenage fangirl crush i have on him, i'm genuinely fascinated by the man himself. he's a huge mess of a contradictions, and yet somehow it works: he's violent and brash and kind of an asshole, but also has a strong moral code and integrity; he's obv very skilled at all the killing/torturing stuff and yet he has a huge respect for life; he's got a potty mouth to say the least, and yet some very aristocratic manners/tastes (the way he sits, his preference for tea and usually refined clothes); he comes from what's supposed to be an illustrous bloodline, he's methodical and very precise, and yet he was born and raised in the underground, he's been used to filth and blood and poverty since he was a child, kenny of all people was his father figure, and probably has known no other life than a perennial survival mode existence. he's "humanity's strongest soldier", but while well-built he's also small, the david to the titans' goliah, and probably not what people would assume a born warrior looks like. he's also one of the few characters who stayed true to himself and his original characterization until the end, bless you smol king ❤

(okay, this is getting long!)

mikasa:

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them (so much. she deserved better ❤️) | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! (stunning lady ❤) | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

this is actually easy: mikasa belongs to hufflepuff and no, i won't take criticism (just joking lol). enough with this "hufflepuffs are fluffy puppies/Cinnamon Rolls <3" thing: mikasa values loyalty and duty more than anything else. she's also hardworking... and fierce, strong, lethal. yes, hufflepuff and lethal are not mutually exclusive concepts.

daemon: (finally the better option) a she-wolf, fiercely protective of her pack.

best quality: loyal, brave, incredibly strong (alongside her more fragile qualities). practical and level-headed on the battlefield, at least when eren is not included in the picture.

worst quality: struggles to let go of the past (understandable, considering her trauma). tunnel-vision when it comes to eren, obv. extreme levels of delusions ("if only i spoke openly about my romantic feelings for him - as if i didn't made them abundantly clear in ⁓6 years - he wouldn't kill 80% of humanity :(((" lmao okay. just. okay), but that's more on the writing. she's sadly more static than any other main character throughtout the whole series.

ship them with: see above :) but recently i've also started to be intrigued by mikasa/annie and mikasa/sasha. also, i'm sympathetic to jeankasa fans, though i don't actually care for the ship.

brotp them with: EMA trio, especially armin+mikasa. their friendship is so beautiful and special. also sasha.

needs to stay away from: ...... eren, at least romantically. again, that's more on the writing than anything else, but e.remika unfortunately encompasses many tropes i loathe with all the strength of my old shriveled heart: childhood friends-to lovers where the (male) childhood friend doesn't acknolewdge/is completely indifferent to the other (female) friend's romantic feelings, she hopelessly pines for him for years without anything more than a cold shoulder... until in the last chapter it's revealed that he loved her all along and doesn't "want other men to have her!!! :((" (then why did you have no reaction whatsoever to jean's years-long crush on her while she was jealous of any vaguely female-shaped human being you were friendly to, including hange? are you that dumb, man?); the female character's development and entire arc 100% revolves around the male protagonist - she has no goals, no dreams of her own except staying with him forever and ever; the romance is based on an idealized childhood dream, therefore reaffirming those childish illusions would make the character regress, not actually grow up (and nope, epilogue!jk doesn’t count; that also lacks build-up - i would’ve said the same about rm as well, so it’s not about shipping, guys, it really isn’t - and mikasa needed an inner change; getting married to another man but still praying to eren’s shrine is not substitute to actual development lol). post-time skip she's never really frustrated/angry with him, they never get a confrontation about him becoming a, y'know, mass-murderer of gigantic (pun intended) proportions; she puts him on a pedestal, and never stops idealizing him/never sees him for what he actually is (the narrative framing him as some kind of tragic martyr/saint eren from paradis with zero agency and basically... no clear motivation for the abovementioned mass murder, and not the actual complex tragic anti-hero/villain motivated by revenge and righteous fury he deserved to be, does not help). it lacks a good or even decent build-up - it's basically all tell and not show. now, if they'd actually been childhood friends to enemies to lovers/mutually co-dependent... it could have been interesting. sadly, it's not my cup of tea. of course this is just my personal preference, no hard feelings to the shippers.

misc. thoughts: enormous potential. she's been my fav female character since s1 - and ah, i miss s1!mikasa, when she had actually other stuff to do besides mothering eren. i love that she's the strongest warrior (second only to levi, obv), that her skills are never called into questions despite her gender, i love how she stands up for herself and the people she loves, that she may seem cold and stoic and yet has a such a huge heart, that she's not perfect but also sometimes awe-inspiring. sadly, she never really gets out of eren's shadow; what she lacks is an arc focused on herself. that's why imo getting deeper into the ackerman lore would've helped (also, you cannot make the main female character and the most popular male character descend from the same Unique Bloodline or whatever, and never really make them acknowledge it out loud; as a writer, you just can't lol). my spite is so strong that i'm currently writing a ridiculously pretentious fic that's 70% development for her character, to give her a voice, and 30% ackerthirsting. (yes, that's the fic i'm always vagueblogging about lmao, rip @ my brain). if any other rivamika fan is interested… mind you, it’s in italian tho, and idt i have the skills to translate into english.

misa:

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

daemon: mmh, maybe some kind of butterfly? beautiful, colorful, and short-lived.

best quality: glorious fashion sense, more inventive and ingenious than fans actually give her credit for.

worst quality: shallow, impulsive, and obv her dependence on/obsession with light (which stems from trauma btw, but still… the very opposite of a relationship between equals).

ship them with: rem, kinda (monster/human ftw!). also weirdly enough mogi, a little bit? she deserves someone who actually respects her… though she’s far from being a perfect angel. she may actually be crazier than light on some aspects. but in this house we stan evil ladies anyway, so i have no problem with that <3

brotp them with: uh, idk, maybe matsuda?

needs to stay away from: obv light. also takada.

misc. thoughts: a tragic victim of sexist writing. she may be… unhinged to say the least, but she didn’t deserve the abuse she got from light (and from the fans). the female characters’ writing in dn is so bad that idk if it’s on purpose, to kinda mirror the reality of women in a patriarchal society (dependent on men, housewives whose life entirely revolves around their husband/boyfriend etc.), or just casual misogyny lol. it’s even more baffling since we don’t know the author’s gender (they may be a man, a woman, nb, anything really). i tend for the latter option tho.

aegon greyjoy (now, i wasn’t expecting him lol):

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

i’m so sorry, i haven’t the slightest idea lmao. maybe gryffindor? mind you, it’s been a long time since i’ve re-read the books, so i don’t have many thoughts about him.

daemon: maybe it’s cliché, but some kind of fish/squid lmao

best quality: ugh, i really can’t remember much from his chapters :(( he’s not a coward, i guess? (lame answer, sorry!)

worst quality: definitely his religious fanaticism.

ship them with: no one.

brotp them with: uh… his family, ig? except euron.

needs to stay away from: obv euron. brr ://

misc. thoughts: i genuinely like the greyjoys chapters, though i vastly prefer the martells (with the exception of theon and asha, bcs i love them). yes, they’re deranged. yes, victarion is… well, victarion lol. but the drowned god religion is actually interesting, grrm knows how to write trauma - every time aeron mentions euron and that freaking door i’m like… :// - and the tragedy of it all… just great writing all around.

okay, that’s the end lmao. thank you so much, love!!! ❤❤

[renaerys]

So I beat RE:8

And overall I SUPER enjoyed this game. I loved how it was an homage to the series to date. Castle Dimitrescu made me feel like I was back in the OG Resident Evil stealth-crawling my way through dungeons and puzzles and hoping not to get caught by the enemies. Lady Dimitrescu stalking you as you scramble to gather pieces of a puzzle to escape harkened back to the Tyrant in RE:2 chasing you around RPD HQ. Her daughters’ blow fly entrances were sincerely spine-tingling, and I was on the edge of my seat with each new door opened wondering if they’d found me yet. This level was truly a standout of the game.

The Beneviento House may actually have been my favorite, seeing as it was such a departure from the rest of the game without the use of weapons and having to rely on running and hiding to survive. I was at my most terrified and unsettled in that level dissecting doll!Mia and running from the baby creature in a way I didn’t feel throughout the rest of the game. It was so creepy and so tense, and the juxtaposition with the rest of the game really made it shine imo. 

The Reservoir was probably my least favorite part. It felt too much like the action-y RE:6 against the boss, lots of cheap one-hit kill events that relied on timing, etc. It was the part where I died the most, whereas throughout the rest of the game I died maybe twice or three times. 

Heisenberg’s factory was pretty scary and adrenaline-inducing fighting those awful chainsaw guys. Hot take: RE:5 was a great game and a lot of this level reminded me of the better parts of that game wrt the enemies and mowing them down. The layout was super cool, the fan guy was hilariously scary stalking you, and Heisenberg was as grandiose (and verbose) as Wesker once was back in the old days. I loved the molding puzzles, how the enemies would tear down walls to open new areas to explore, and the backtracking to explore it all once you had certain items in your possession. 

Lastly, the Duke was an awesome character. Thanks for that fun call-back to RE:4′s shopkeeper, and most importantly for being an actual character whose presence was plot-relevant and even integral at times. He was charming and a thoughtful addition to the experience. All the voice acting was incredible, but I think the Duke and Lady Dimitrescu and Mia were standouts. 

What I didn’t like... This game has a woman problem like whoa. When all your women exist either as damseled plot devices with no agency whatsoever, vehicles for manpain/revenge, and their main “nuance” is related to motherhood or seeking a mother-daughter relationship (because, you know, women be mothering), then you have a problem. A second hot take: Mia should have been the protagonist. She had training way before Ethan ever did, was in the know more than him, and wasn’t dead the whole time (sidebar: what the literal fuck is this plot contrivance). This game has shown us two kinds of women: either they are good mothers/daughters who eschew all else in favor of that relationship and stay in their lane (Mia and Rose, an agency-less baby and McGuffin), or they are corruptions of that role (i.e., Miranda selfishly killing everyone to get Eve back or Donna selfishly killing everyone to get a new mother a-la RE:7′s Eveline). Even the Dimitrescu ladies were almost entirely defined by their mother/daughter status, in Lady Dimitrescu’s case both. Is there truly no other motivation or nuance available to women in this universe??? 🙃🙃🙃

Mentioned before but worth repeating: Ethan was dead the whole time?! What a shitty contrivance. I mean, fine, but I didn’t like it at all. Another nit-picky thing that broke my suspension of disbelief: Alcina cuts his hand off and the magic herb chemicals that act as health in the game can reattach it... But they can’t regrow his fucking fingers??? What is consistency. 🙃

Heisenberg’s boss fight was dumb. There was no terror, very low stakes, and it felt like the worst of RE:6 action. It even had a gimmicky cinematic final shot that reminded me of those awful quick-time events. He was laughably easy to kill and held none of the dread of, say, Lady Dimitrescu’s daughers or the entirety of the Beneviento House. I don’t knock it as much because the rest of the Factory level was fabulous. The boss fight with the Fan Man was superb, scary, and tough, as well as “good” gimmicky. Unfortunately, Heisenberg’s final boss fight was the beginning of the end. 

Chris finally tells us the truth through some truly excruciating exposition scenes, and like the NPCs who question his choices, I too was questioning him. Because his logic was super dumb. Why not tell Ethan to begin with? More on this below. 

Mother Miranda was incredibly underwhelming as a boss. Chris’s part in the story was more over the top action, which is cool and fun if you like that (not really my thing, personally, but I can see why it could work for others). But Mother Miranda herself was a disappointment. I think the main reason was because we had almost no relationship with her. She was just a name who maybe is responsible for our McGuffin daughter being taken, but it never felt personal. Yeah, she can shape shift and we met her as the hag, but since we didn’t know that, the relationship aspect was never there/built upon. She felt like a random final boss with little skin in the game compared to, say, Heisenberg, who we actually did get to know more as we went along and maybe felt more complicated feelings toward in killing him. 

This game could have been better if a few changes had been made. 

1. Mia should have been the protagonist/deuteragonist. If we are truly supposed to be convinced by Chris’ stupid logic that Ethan cannot handle the truth, then why not make Mia the protagonist or even a secondary protagonist? Ethan and Mia could have both been working toward their goals with different information, similar to the situation in RE:7 toward the end of that game. Chris wouldn’t know Mia is alive, but she could be working against Mother Miranda directly while being experimented on/held captive. Ethan could do the main story that we got, while Mia sees a different side of the world digging deeper into Mother Miranda’s backstory and motivations, which would serve to flesh out her character (beyond the lazy corrupted motherhood narrative), touch on the relationship to Spencer and Umbrella Corp, etc. Ethan facing Miranda at the end, thus, would have felt super personal and significant having that emotional development through Mia. And Mia herself could be fleshed out more as a character beyond her role as wife and mother. 

2. Bela, Daniela, and Cassandra deserved more, and Castle Dimitrescu should have been a longer arc. The daughters were killed pretty fast. I couldn’t name a single differentiating characteristic between them, which is a problem. And I wanted to know more! We got a little info about the experiments they endured. I wanted to feel like killing at least one of them was very personal and meant something (if we only got one of them really fleshed out, I mean. That would still be one more than we got.). This section could have been longer and benefited from it. Exploring that castle was so fun and I wanted more time there. Also, I’m gonna say it: the Reservoir could have been cut entirely and that time given to Castle Dimitrescu for three sub-bosses before Mother Miranda. Problem solved.

3. Chis could have had a more story-related role. Why not more cutscenes with Chris investigating/chasing Miranda to give us a buildup of breadcrumbs and foreshadowing to the final reveal in the end? Rather than an exposition dump?? This would be related to my point #1 in making Miranda feel more connected to the story as the big bad. We wouldn’t even have to play as Chris if we just got some cutscenes showing his team’s progress hunting Miranda, learning more about her, etc. Imagine if we got secondary protagonist Mia’s story with Chris in there alongside her, unknowing that she’s alive and yet affecting her progress or vice versa as they both hunt Miranda? So much potential there. Where is the fanfiction???

4. Sheva??? I know it’s just me but I mean... The BSAA coming in to help/fuck everything up could have been a great opportunity for a cameo from Sheva to reunite very briefly with Chris (and set up the next one??? When though.). Yeah, I’m RE:5 trash, okay. But she was a great character and I wish we could see her at ALL in any other games even as a cameo.

My final takeaway here is that I enjoyed this game immensely as a total experience. I’m already doing a New Game Plus on the Village of Shadows difficulty, so pray for me. I love the exploration and puzzling aspect, the combat is intense but not overwhelmingly action-y like RE:6 was, and I love the atmosphere of this game. I recommend it to anyone who likes survival horror. It’s not without its faults, and I really wish the RE team would hire some women for their writers’ room, but I’m still very happy with the end result overall.