#we only had like half of our group
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if i don't think about my french exam tomorrow, it won't happen right?
#what a dayyyyyyyyyy#it's midnight and i need sleep but im also really fucking hungry#so i'm gonna make myself some ramen#ah#fucking#\ajjjjjjjjjjjsiodfklmn#boink#boink a million times#we ran to much is never enough and holding out for a hero at rehearsal today#it was fun actually but vibes were so weird#we only had like half of our group#and our md was really fucking out of it#she slayed tho tbh#and we did floormups which was fun#hofah was fun#tmine was slay as always#our dynamics lowkey do not exist#but it's fine#yeah#anyway#what a day \#my roommate is gone AGAIN#i don't shes slept here once the past month#i see her sometimes in the morning#but otherwise it's just me#and the rest of the suite but they do'n't stay in my room so#that's chill#do i or do i not want to watch loki#in other news my acappella photoshoot is this weekend#and i'm having brunch with my voice part group :)
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you know how in school they’d always make you (still make you) like choose random topics to give class presentations on while everyone politely clapped even though they didn’t really care about your powerpoint on fungi or whatever bc they’re too worried about getting their own over with. tumblr is like if every single person in the room was paying full attention and was absolutely stoked about it and gave you wild applause and wolf whistles at the end. you can just get on stage and talk about coelacanths and you become a celebrity for a few minutes. like on tumblr it’s on your own terms so it’s like oh snap education is actually supposed to be fun
#this is to say i got a big presentation out of the way today that i was stressing about#or rather i should say i thought about it as ‘getting it out of the way’#but then once i completed it and was ready to present i was like wait this is actually so cool i’m so excited to present#like i was waiting patiently for my turn#and i had a GREAT time yapping for eight minutes about parthenogenesis in sharks#and i’m like aw i’m kinda sad the project is over… :(#maybe i will yap about it on here some time#i love genetics it’s sooooo cool to me i love you punnet squares i love you genes and reproduction#peach rambles#ALSO i got complimented on the presentation by the girl i wanna befriend sooo bad#like holy snap we have similar energy and we both get way too into this class …#and then we yapped for like 15 minutes more on stuff bc we had to do a ‘group discussion’ for something unrelated in that class#and we were literally the only two people in our section doing that thing#we were only like half on topic lol#can’t beat the ADHDemons#then i had Another presentation in the class right after that and it was kind of terrible bc i can only prepare for one thing at a time smh#but it was much lower stakes so#but like WHEWWWWW i can’t believe i got a chain of massive assignments out of the way…. it’s been a wacky past 48 hours
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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no bc I dare people who think cheer isn’t a sport to come do what we do for a day. I dare you. try doing a triple toe touch. try doing any of our tumbling sequences. try doing an inversion to liberty to full down. try doing a cupie. you won’t
#cheerleading#cheer#louie.txt#THOSE ARENT EVEN THE HARDEST THINGS WE DO!!!#go join top gun for a day#I FUCKING DARE YOU#sorry I’m just in a cheer mood#We just finished cheer camp and we tried so many new things with stunts and we progressed SO MUCH#we went from extensions and prep libs to inversions and flips in pyramids!! like! that’s crazy!!!!#our flyer who had never done anything harder than an extension went from that to full downs and inversions and half ups#and flips to cradle in pyramids#like HELLO???? THATS INCREDIBLE!#she didn’t even know what the stuff we were doing was called half the time#I’m so proud of her#I’m proud of our whole stunt group#we’re the most advanced on our squad (which isn’t that hard bc there’s only two stunt groups on our squad 💀💀💀)#but there’s like 9-10 program-wide#we just have multiple squads
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#today is essentially my first day driving combine this year since my 'first day' was only like an hour and a half long almost two weeks ago#but of course my first day we're harvesting the field that was the last one we did last year 'care free'#one year ago today was the last time i saw my sister#and tomorrow will be one year since we harvested this field and afterwards we went home for dinner#and while refueling equipment after dinner my brother in law went to see if my sister felt up to running grain cart for us that evening#and he found out she wasnt home and nobody had heard from her all day#so that was the evening of the 16th and we didnt find her until the morning of the 18th#it was probably somewhere around noon on the 16th when she killed herself#and it just wrecks me cause i can remember exactly what i was doing that whole day#like someone here sent me an ask about whumpy music so i spent hours that day compiling a playlist to share here#and i was talking with a friend (in a group chat that consisited of me my sister and our friend) about their zucchini harvest#and another discord server i was gushing about it being the new moon in a Blue Moon month plus the persied meteor shower#and the whole time i had no idea my world had already shattered without me knowing#it makes me hate this field and i hate that even with the way we rotate crops every year it still came up ready this week#probably would've been worse if it came up on the 16th again but it's not much better being on the 15th
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Who remembers the time in my first year back at college at a new school when, in my first ever Linguistics class, my professor asked me to research alternative terms for "penis" on Urban Dictionary?
@memey-dreams
#tagging my friend whom I met in that class hopefully he's still on here and remembers this assignment#I know he remembers our first day where the professor spoke all Romanian to us for an hour and gave us a Romanian lesson#I felt so smart that day ngl bc I clocked it in half a second#I was like this is a Romance language that looks kind of Slavic: must be Romanian#we all were speaking it really well though if I do say so myself#and with no instruction in English whatsoever#and then he came clean lol#oh anyway the conclusion of this story is that he had said specifically he would only give the word penis to guys and vagina to girls#and frankly he was making a lot of assumptions about my body and also my comfort level and so I begged#please don't make me look up penis on Urban Dictionary I already know where this is going#and he said ok why don't do meth instead? and I said yay thank you! :D#so the next class nobody else did meth though so I got put with a group doing weed and I named like 6 slang terms for weed#off the top of my head that I've heard people say all the time that they didn't already even have on their lists
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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bpd sucks
when i first went from tumblr to twitter circa 2018 i followed a few folks from tumblr on twitter bc they were friends and i had no idea where to start
since then, shit went down and there were ppl i just. could not absolutely stand to see bc they reminded me of the bad times(tm).
unfollowed/blocked on twitter made my life so much better
then twitter shit happened so i came back and lo n behold holy moly yikers i forgot they existed on this site too...
and just bc of that my day (at least the next few hours) has been ruined bc i have such heightened emotions and negative feels
like yea blocked the one account i never hope to see, unfollowed the main acct bc even looking at it is :///
hhhhhhhhhh life is difficult with bpd bc literal emotions from 3 years ago will come back and hit you like a truck the same way it did years ago with the same intensity
#bpd#borderline personality disorder#actually borderline#pointless blogging#if you see this and i unfollowed you i just wanna say im sorry#bc i unfortunately cannot look at you and your name without remembering Ex-Mutual Friend#who in my eyes failed me completely and abandoned me without reason#took half my friends with them and it really feels like you're one of them#we dont talk anymore and when we do it feels disengenous#i tried to support you and your endeavors for a few months but i just absolutely could not bc *he* was there#i felt pretty replaced#and that no one heard my side#i really feel like that entire friend group we had#didn't even bother to listen to my side and left to be with them#and sometimes it feels like youre included in that group#which is why i had to do this#i just actually am emotionally unable to separate you from them#if you wanna talk to me... do so only as closure bc it won't last long#i'm sorry but my bpd is stronger than our ex-friendship.#if you dont wanna follow me bc of it i literally dont care#block me if you want bc i won't look back
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just got reminded of one of my favorite bittersweet memories from the closet/denial - when I was 15 we had an exchange student from the US stay with us for a few days and I got along so well with her, and we wrote endless fb messages and emails and letters and I just felt like we were soulmates and cried when she left and couldn't wait to visit her a few months later on a school trip, and I remember sitting in her car with her and singing along to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" because i had just bought cherry chapstick so she started playing the song, and my heart started beating faster when she started to sing along and I just remember not knowing what it was but knowing it was a special kind of friendship. I attributed it to the circumstances and the traveling and all the excitement of a school trip, and only years later, when I read her coming out post on facebook something in me clicked and made me realise how obvious it could have been to me that I had a crush on her if I'd had the language for it at 15.
#queer#ramblings#she just posted a wedding pic of her and her now wife on insta and they look so cute and beautiful#and seeing that made me remember how hard the realisation of what my feelings had been hit me when i read her coming out post#which she posted almost 10 years after we first met#and i'm pretty sure we both didn't know back then#maybe she did but i definitely didn't suspect a thing#i remember coming home from the US trip and telling my mom all abt our adventures and how heartbroken i felt when we had to leave#and in the whole friend group of like 10+ ppl we hung out with (my friends & their hosts) there was 1 guy#named kyle and he was someone's boyfriend#and my mom asked me#if i was sad abt saying goodbye to kyle#and i was like#??!??!? KYLE#i'm fucking heartbroken abt my host but not fucking kyle#he was nice and all but he was literally just some girls bf who tagged along but comphet made my mom latch onto the only guy i mentioned lol#i remember the extreme confusion i felt whem she asked abt him#and i was like?!?? i literally have talked abt girls for half an hour WHY are you making it abt kyle#i'm in such an oversharing mood today lol but seeing her insta posts just made me really nostalgic#and sad for closeted teenage me who could have had all these experiences but didn't know it yet
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linguistics major who is SO SCARED of the concept of writing a glossary on their own
#shut up dave#i have!! avoided doing it for the past 2 and a half year#but this time i feel bad abt it bc its my fav profs course :(#AND LIKE. while i dont fully understand the task i BELIEVE that it is easier than other glossaries weve had to do. ( that i havent done#but like other profs asked us to translate both the word and its exact definition and then quote a paragraph from an academic paper#using that word . and THEN also translate the quoted paragraph and THEN also translate the word into our third and fourth languages of stud#y#and u were not allowed to use direct definitions from dictionaries u had to rewrite it urself#the only time ive '''''made a glossary'''' was when it was a group project and we only had to write the terms and have em translated#from english into both german and romanian and that was it#like sure the rest of the project had a whole bunch of writing and translation to be done but the actual specialized words were just index#and also. my partner finished her part While I Was Presenting My Part bc she had been busy having sex ( queen)#like for several weeks#she rly did it in the very last ultimate final moment
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Reading through notes on posts we disagree with and getting increasingly frustrated by them is. A bad habit. That we really need to try and break.
#we saw a post talking about discord vent channels#and like#yes we get the sentiment#but also#please don't generalize for fuck's sake#because gods dammit for a LONG time they were the only place we had to actually fucking talk about and externalize shit#and while public servers having them can be a bad sign#they are not universally bad.#And neither is asking friends for emotional support.#EVEN IF TEENS ARE THE ONES DOING IT#Y'ALL PUT SO MANY GODDAMN EXPECTATIONS ON US#WE'RE EXPECTED TO BE AS MATURE AS ADULTS AND YET HAVE ACCESS TO SO FEW ADULT RESOURCES IT'S LAUGHABLE#WE'RE EXPECTED TO DEAL WITH ACTIVE ABUSE OR TRAUMA ON OUR OWN#AND IF WE DARE TRY AND ASK FOR HELP FROM PEERS#IT'S CALLED VARIOUS DEGREES OF “CRINGE” OR “PROBLEMATIC”#I swear to the gods y'all just don't want to fucking think about teens Existing#y'all fucking treat us like we're zoo animals sometimes#“let's gawk at the human with half as much life experience as me for being immature and not knowing how to deal with their feelings!”#Adults get to have fucking peer support groups.#Adults get to have spaces where they can vent about their problems#but the moment teens try to do the same?#It's suddenly a huge fucking deal#this got really venty#because this is something we care a lot about#teens shouldn't have to lie about their age to get help for shit#teens shouldn't have to lie about their age fucking PERIOD.#We shouldn't have to pretend to be an adult to have our opinions and feelings taken seriously#fucking block us if you think otherwise#because we don't respect you as a person if you disagree with that
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society if I didn't have a million years of homework every fucking day
#don't be a nurse guys#nursing school sucks ass#and if you do become a nurse don't go to my school because my school sucks even more ass#shoutout to my professor for being so fucking bad that we got kicked out of our clinical site#(technically she got kicked out the students didn't but we can't go without an instructor so we had a dif instructor twice but the rest of#our clinicals will be in our school lab)#because now whenever i complain about my school i dont have to talk about how they never update the paperwork and the syllabus is full of#lies and the teachers are almost all part-time and never communicate with one another so no one knows what's going on#and the head of the department doesn't like answering questions and just directs you to the rubric that is of course full of lies#(and our project says we get groups of three but we only get groups of two? and they kept saying they'd assign groups but they didn't?#so we picked our own partner except they didn't really make that clear and the decision wasn't even made until at least a week after we#were supposed to have our partners picked for us? and then the course calendar says we have to do a PowerPoint for the project but we dont#it's actually a poster but they never updated the calendar except wait they have changed the calendars like four times since the semester#started and half the time didn't even announce it and they just never changed the PowerPoint thing)#but yeah instead of saying all that shitty stuff about my school i can just point to the fact that we got booted out of the clinical site#because our instructor sucked so much and that gets the point across pretty damn well with a lot fewer words#okay rant over gonna go to homework until dance starts#and then probably do homework after dance too#fuck my life ✌️
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these last few days were literal hell bc of me having to cram 3 books worth of knowledge into one week due to my procrastination curse, but will i learn my lesson? no, since i still passed the exam
#personal#they asked the most random ass questions tho ?!!!!!!!!!!! like i memorized more than 300 pages for them to just ask the most random ass shit#they were also so moody since they had examined a lot of groups already before ours#and ALSO they asked everyone else in my groups at least 5 questions meanwhile they asked me 3 and a half if that half can even count#is my presence that small akjsjdjk#i answered 2 and couldnt answer 1 and half so techinacally i got what deserved with a 6 out of 10 BUT ??? helloo this wasnt fair#but out of 11 ppl in my group they failed 5 (!!) so me getting such an average grade makes me feel a bit grateful#everyone esle that passed got a 5/10 except for 1 who got a 7 good for her honestly but she was unhappy too since she clearly had studied#for more than that....not to mention we had to wait 2 hours to get in ....tragic BUT OH WELL#IM FREE of public law !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now theres only criminal law and its gonna be over. for good. oh god#cant believe i will have the chance to graduate in a few months......if i fail the exam in summer and have to try again in fall i will cry
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When I was in vet school I went to this one lecture that I will never forget. Various clubs would have different guest lecturers come in to talk about relevant topics and since I was in the Wildlife Disease Association club I naturally attended all the wildlife and conservation discussions. Well on this particular occasion, the speakers started off telling us they had been working on a project involving the conservation of lemurs in Madagascar. Lemurs exist only in Madagascar, and they are in real trouble; they’re considered the most endangered group of mammals on Earth. This team of veterinarians was initially assembled to address threats to lemur health and work on conservation solutions to try and save as many lemur species from extinction as possible. As they explored the most present dangers to lemurs they found that although habitat loss was the primary problem for these vulnerable animals, predation by humans was a significant cause of losses as well. The vets realized it was crucial for the hunting of lemurs by native people to stop, but of course this is not so simple a problem.
The local Malagasy people are dealing with extreme poverty and food insecurity, with nearly half of children under five years old suffering from chronic malnutrition. The local people have always subsisted on hunting wildlife for food, and as Madagascar’s wildlife population declines, the people who rely on so-called bushmeat to survive are struggling more and more. People are literally starving.
Our conservation team thought about this a lot. They had initially intended to focus efforts on education but came to understand that this is not an issue arising from a lack of knowledge. For these people it is a question of survival. It doesn’t matter how many times a foreigner tells you not to eat an animal you’ve hunted your entire life, if your child is starving you are going to do everything in your power to keep your family alive.
So the vets changed course. Rather than focus efforts on simply teaching people about lemurs, they decided to try and use veterinary medicine to reduce the underlying issue of food insecurity. They supposed that if a reliable protein source could be introduced for the people who needed it, the dependence on meat from wildlife would greatly decrease. So they got to work establishing new flocks of chickens in the most at-risk communities, and also initiated an aggressive vaccination program for Newcastle disease (an infectious illness of poultry that is of particular concern in this area). They worked with over 600 households to ensure appropriate husbandry and vaccination for every flock, and soon found these communities were being transformed by the introduction of a steady protein source. Families with a healthy flock of chickens were far less likely to hunt wild animals like lemurs, and fewer kids went hungry. Thats what we call a win-win situation.
This chicken vaccine program became just one small part of an amazing conservation outreach initiative in Madagascar that puts local people at the center of everything they do. Helping these vulnerable communities of people helps similarly vulnerable wildlife, always. If we go into a country guns-blazing with that fire for conservation in our hearts and a plan to save native animals, we simply cannot ignore the humans who live around them. Doing so is counterintuitive to creating an effective plan because whether we recognize it or not, humans and animals are inextricably linked in many ways. A true conservation success story is one that doesn’t leave needy humans in its wake, and that is why I think this particular story has stuck with me for so long.
(Source 1)
(Source 2- cool video exploring this initiative from some folks involved)
(Source 3)
#we can save the world just maybe not in the way we’d planned#long post#scicomm#conservation#lemurs#wildlife#ecology#animals#vet med#veterinary medicine#One Health
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Cool cool cool
So DogCousin showed up early w/o her mom and the garage guy can't come out til tomorrow but didn't like call or anything. Mom had to call the guy bc he would be 2 hours late atm right? His fucking brother died last friday and they're behind on the funeral arrangements and work orders... um why wouldn't you tell any new clients "hey I'm sorry we don't have any open appointments until at least next week."
But like my god my dude this can fucking wait! We told you it wasn't an emergency!!
I don't wanna ask him but I wonder if it was the guy he came with last time....
Anyway they left, guy is rescheduled, and god I hate talking to my cousin. Mom is like very aware of it today just how... socially inept my cousin is sgdgdgd like how despite her being an extrovert, she at least with ME has no social grace/awareness and it's like yeah see I told you they (the older grandkids) hated us/me especially so... 😒
#marquilla#mom was like well why would they want to hang out with me and not YOU?? well mom they knew you up to ten years before i showed up so they#still wanted to hang out with their fun aunt and not their socially anxious separation anxiety & autistic younger cousin. that's why#like it's hard to explain just how much the older cousins hated us younger cousins like once we were no longer cute babies. like they hated#us. they hated C. bc he was the 2nd boy born (out of like 6 previous girls) and isn't blood related. hated cousin i disowned bc she was a#freak. hated me bc i was mentally ill & autistic. didnt see E and A past them being 5 and 7 bc they moved states. and P. was always quiet#and hated them fussing on her and stuck with me the one person that didnt fuss over her (bc i didnt like her when she was born lmaoo we#were fine once she was like 6 or so) like um yeah they were a clique bc it was 4 sisters. AID's 2 Kids. and DogCousin. thats 7 kids. they#had their own established group by the time the second half was born even if there was only a 3 year difference between the last one of#Group 1. and group 2. so.... we were just unwanted extras by that point :/#like the disdain for us lmaooo like they all called grandpa 'Papa' and we all called him 'Grandpa' bc like in our minds why tf would we call#him that?? thats (to us) stupid he's our GRANDPA not our dad?? agdgdggdgd#i think at most there's a 10 year gap between the oldest of that group and the oldest in our half. so it's not unbelievable that they didnt#want to hang out with us but god was that divid palpable#ANYWAYS im gonna go eat dggdgdgdgd
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I love being the only not-cis person in group therapy, btw. Love it. I tried to bring up how dysphoria is contributing to my difficulty with mood regulation and like, absolutely no one in that call understood wtf I was talking about, lol. That weird, pervasive gendering of Cluster B happened last session though, and it was viscerally uncomfortable on my end, but everyone else in the fuckin' Google Meets room or whatever just nodded in understanding like that shit was scientific fact. Like it got fully bioessentialist up in there for a minute. Cis people are so fuckin' weird.
#our t#TT.txt#I s2g there's this weird cis-person gendered power dynamic happening too.#Because- okay. There are two liscenced therapists leading this group but only one of them does all the presentations & the DBT#aspect of this shit. DBT group therapy kinda half runs like a course. We're takin' notes and everything.#But this fuckin' guy I swear to god. He whittles on and on and does this thing where someone else - who is a cis woman#important to keep in mind here - responds with a very real and emotional epiphany she's having in the moment as he's talking.#Which is like- I mean that's just kinda fantastic to be around. Those are the parts of this I stick around for. That feels like *progress*#And he'll like- I don't even know how to explain this. He agrees that what she's talking about is important but then he'll start rambling#about how what she JUST SAID usually IN TEARS isn't *fully* relevant to what he's talking about right now. Even when it very obviously is#I guess it's mansplaining?? I don't really understand the term mansplaining as a hard concept <- learning disability#But it definitely feels like smth related to mansplaining.#I dunno. I'm gonna continue this until the end bc I need these tools but goddamn I would ask to be reassigned if I had that guy alone#He just Presents[tm] it never actually feels like progress happens unless he's Presenting The Material. It's kinda weird to be around#And it's just like. My queerness is very obviously being carefully tiptoed around. And it's not like I'm not clocky y'know#Lets just say thank god I also go by they/them. Seems like its the ''most comfortable'' set for these people to use 🙄#Yes I am still judging them for that. Cis people need to rack up a good ally score before they can usually Officially use they/them on me#Only other queers get that for free. iykyk#We're at the point where both he/him & she/her confuse cis people so. Which feels great most of the time but on the other hand...#And I mean dear god if we bring up any neopronoun I think someone would have a confused meltdown#I'm a lil too close in age to some of these people's adult kids and they've got bad relationships with each other I ain't taking any#fuckin' chances.
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