#we interrupt your angst for some critical first cuteness

[chinzhilla]

🥤🧃🧋

[drvmekoo]

regroup | jeon jungkook [part one]

summary: drifting away from your best friend is never an easy thing to deal with. its a good thing a very important project is forcing you both to regroup

➳ pairing: jungkook x reader (f)

➳ genre: college au, fluff, angst, smut (eventually)

➳ rating: 18+

➳ warnings: just some swearing!

➳ wc: 1.3k+

➳ author's notes: part one is now here! let me know what you think of it so far! I love all the feedback!

PROLOGUE | PART ONE | PART TWO

“You got WHO?” Namjoon covered his mouth in shock. “I’m sorry to say this Y/n but… you’re royally fucked.”

You groaned “Please don’t tell me what I already know Joon! I mean Jeon Jungkook! Are you serious? It’s like I’m being punished for something!”

It was a new and sunny day on campus, students all over the grounds were talking and laughing, some rushing through small crowds to make it to their classes on time. You and Namjoon decided to join the many people already there and sit on the grass, taking advantage of no lectures, blue skies and missed sunshine. At Namjoon’s continuing criticisms of your new project partner, you fell on your back in the soft grass and covered your face with your arms 

“What am I gonna do?” you sighed “I didn’t reply to his text yesterday because there’s no way I’m gonna succeed going through with this! I need to get my partner changed.”

Namjoon too sat back on his arms “Look…maybe this’ll be a good thing! You said you haven’t spoken since school started right? Maybe this can be a fresh new start for you two?”

“Have you seen the people he hangs out with now? He’s in Jimins’ assemble! You know that little posse better than anyone!” You took your hands away from your face “We have nothing in common besides our parents anymore. It’s better if we just….avoid each other altogether!”

Namjoon smiled sympathetically before looking over your shoulder and widening his eyes “Uh well... You better think of a plan to put that idea in motion because guess who’s heading our way right now.”

Before you could turn around to get a glimpse yourself, you heard him first 

“You know, ignoring my texts really hurt my ego last night Y/n!”

“Oh boy,” you said under your breath before turning around to greet him. “What do you want Jungkook.” 

Beside him, Jimin smirked as Jungkook chuckled at your dry response “Oh come on, don’t be like that! You’ve known me forever!”

He pouted teasingly. Then his eyes travelled to Namjoon. 

“Who’s your friend?” His cocky grin faltered a little. What was that all about?

“This is my friend Namjoon if it’s any of your business.”  

“Oh yeah!” Jungkook waved at Jimin beside him as his gaze was still locked on Namjoon “Jimin told me about the quiet kid on the floor below.”

Namjoon blandly stared at Jimin, greeting him with a slight nod.

“Look.” You sighed, tired of the weird tension that was forming. “I knew you, let's get that straight. Now, why do you need me?”

Jungkook finally tore his attention away from your friend beside you at your interruption. “You know exactly why I need you Y/n. You and I have a project to work on and…times ticking!” He cockily pointed at his wrist to stimulate a watch. 

You sighed loudly. Before, you were hell-bent on switching partners. No way were you ruining your perfect grades for Jeon Jungkook. But now, standing in front of him, your mind had stopped being so critical. Maybe Joon was right, maybe this was a way of getting back in touch with your best friend that you once cherished and loved.

Looking at Namjoon for confirmation, he nodded slightly in comfort.

“Fine.” your fists clenched at your acceptance “If we’re gonna do this, you have to be fully committed. You have to be on time at ALL of our meetings. I’m deadly serious Jungkook.

“It’s very cute how much you don’t trust me but I think I can handle being on time!”

You blushed at the sudden compliment before coming back to reality ‘Oh yeah like you ‘handled’ making it to class yesterday?”

It was his turn to roll his eyes. “Are we doing this or not? When do you wanna meet? Whenever is good for me.”

“Ummm…how about tonight? 6 pm at my dorm?”

He smirked “A little intimate don’t you think?”

Panicking slightly, you replied. “We can go to the communal space if you want!”

“Relax, I'm teasing you.’ He laughed openly. “Your dorm is fine. You live on the East block, right?”

You nodded “Room 218.”

“See you there.” He was already walking away before you could respond. Namjoon uttered a dull “Jimin.” as he too walked off alongside Jungkook, repeating in the same tone a “Namjoon” as a goodbye. 

After they were out of sight, Namjoon turned to you “Yeah you’re still fucked.”

- 

Damn, right you were absolutely fucked. 

The time was 7:30 pm. And there was no sign of Jungkook anywhere. 

You scrolled through all the notes you had individually made for yourself about the project, eager to share with Jungkook to make the whole process a lot easier. But after a while, it looked like he wasn’t even coming. 

Closing down all your tabs, you decided to finally put your stuff away when suddenly there was a frantic knock on your door.

You froze, knowing exactly who that was. 

“Y/n. I know you’re in there, I can see the light coming from under the door.” The well-known voice said. 

You cursed under your breath before opening the door slowly. “I thought we said 6 pm, Jeon?”

“Hey, you’re lucky I turned up!” He invited himself in, brushing past you and taking his jacket off “So, let’s hear the ideas!”

You scoffed, gobsmacked at his entrance. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You need to get out.”

“Wow, you curse now? Never used to when we were younger?” he chuckled under his breath, flopping onto your bed. “Anyways why are you in such a rush to get me out? Your boyfriend Namjoon coming over?”

Rolling your eyes, you spat “Namjoon isn't my boyfriend? And anyways what's it to you?”

He stared at you as he sat back on your bed. “Wait, he’s not?” His entire demeanour had changed, his cocky attitude sunny disintegrating. 

“No. He’s just a friend..”

Jungkook nodded slightly, seemingly in deep thought.

After a while of silence, you decided to break it “Jungkook, is there something you needed? I’ve waited for you all evening and I’m actually very tired so-”

“I can’t believe you still kept that thing.” He interrupted.

“...What thing?”

He pointed over to the dangling key chain attached to your keys laid across your desk. Both of you had made each other key chains during the summer before last. Each of them had a mini photo of you and him together when you were younger, both of your faces exploded in a massive grins.

“Oh…well…yeah, of course, I did. Part of the promise remember?”

Jungkook was instantly transported to that very summer. You and he made a pact to keep it forever otherwise your friendship was classed as ‘bogus’ He smiled at the simplicity of your minds back then. Although the promise was very stupid, his heart grew at the fcat that you still kept yours.

“How have you been Y/n?”

“What?”

“How has everything been?” He repeated, his wide eyes staring at you deeply. 

Your brows furrowed, “I-I've been…okay? Kook…what are you doing?” you continued lightly

He smiled sweetly “I’ve missed that little nickname.” He got up from the bed and strode over to you. “I’ve missed you.”

The proximity of your bodies so close together made you weary. What was happening right now? Why all of a sudden was this happening? You couldn’t get your head straight right now. You needed space. 

“I think…” you stepped away from him “I think you should go.”

“Y/n-”

“We’ll reschedule for tomorrow… 3 pm in the library.” Opening the door for him, you beckoned him out “Don’t be late.”

He stared at you a while longer, before getting his coat and walking out. Quietly, he turned around to face you again “I’ll be there.”

He started to walk away but then doubled back again 

“Y/n.” He caught the door before you could close it shut.

“For what it’s worth…..I kept mine too.”

@thvkives @sugaminh @kooromiwrld @no-regrets-just-confusion @leethvjkk @petalsofink @secretlypg95 @bangtans-momma @ane102 @v-taeunofficial @kc204 @jjeonjjk7 @toraluvs

[folkloreguk]

French Class [6]

A/N: You guys might want to whack out your love song playlist for this one…I cried writing this BYE I'm posting this from my grave!!

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), fwb, f2l?, college!au, fuckboy!bias, nerd!reader, ANGST, smut

words: ~ 3.8 k

✽series masterlist✽

taglist (lmk if u wanna be added!): @lovely-ateez, @runaway-fics, @mainexiii, @awfullytiredbuthealing, @erikyoong, @etherealuv, @staysuki, @justcuz-ican, @yeostars, @hyuckthangs, @teenloves, @mexious18-blog, @sunghoonied, @mailobjaeyoon

couldn’t tag: @chorizoek

You: can I come over? I kind of need u

H/N: you need me huh…you’re lucky I’m home alone

It always starts differently. Some other question, or a subtle message of telling him you’re bored, or a flat-out confession of being horny. The ending is always the same. You, naked in his bed. You just had to get there, and things were easy when you were already on his dorm’s doorstep.

The moment he had opened the door, you had fistfuls of his hair between your fingers and attacked his mouth in a feverish kiss. He made a noise between a laugh and surprise but reacted quickly. His lips parted right away, letting you in, and you tasted mint from the chewing gum he liked so much.

“Let me- at least- close the door,” he mumbled. “Jeez, what’s gotten into you today?”

You stepped aside and mirrored his grin. He was acting surprised, but the way he instantly locked your lips after he had shut the door told you he was enjoying this as much as you were. You ran your hands down his torso and along the side of his thighs. His happy hum only poured oil into the fire, and you saw no reason as to why you should have kept your clothes on any longer. In minutes, in the middle of heated kisses and clumsy chuckles, your clothes were discarded, and you were left in your underwear. You stumbled into his bedroom in a tangle of arms and legs and heads barely pulling apart.

“Will you tell me about the date you had today or are we skipping over that part?” he asked, as he pushed you down by the shoulders onto his bed. You groaned a little, not even knowing where to start.

“Didn’t go well, huh?” he asked. Only a few nights ago you had consoled him after his failed date, now the roles were reversed.

“That’s one way to put it,” you said. He was climbing on top of you now, and the weight of him between your thighs still did the same things to you it had done the first time. There was one of his random playlists playing quietly from the speakers, but you were both too occupied to even consider switching the music off. You weren’t in the mood for a chat, not when he was biting and sucking bruises into your chest, pushing aside your bra just enough. But you knew he wasn’t going to let it go this easily.

“Tell me about it or I won’t take one more piece of clothing off your body,” he threatened. You shot him an are-you-serious-look while he only blinked at you innocently, like he was awaiting your response.

“Fine,” you groaned. “But hurry, now.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, before unclasping your bra and throwing it to the other side of the room. “Go ahead, I expect a story.”

You had rolled your eyes at him, but when he sucked on your nipple all of a sudden, and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bud ever so perfectly, your eyes moved to the back of your head involuntarily. And, before he could complain, you started to retell today’s events.

“Alright. First of all, he acted all gentleman-y. Pulling back my chair at the restaurant, letting me have a look at the menu first, letting me order first, asking me if I was okay with our seats because they were in the sunshine, or whether he should have requested we get a different in the shade table, blah, blah, blah.”

With the lewd noises he was making, kissing your chest and fumbling with your breasts, you almost wondered whether he was paying attention to you at all.

“I’m waiting for the plot twist,” he chuckled. “If he had been this great, you wouldn’t be in my bed right now, would you?” He was now on his way to your lower regions. Your breaths came out shaky when he gripped your hips with familiar fingertips and placed a few kisses there, right above the material of your underwear. Nonetheless, you had to continue your story.

“Oh, it’s coming,” you said. “Because I suspect, the only reason he was acting that way was to compensate. For the fact that he was an hour late.”

He stifled a laugh, and you slapped his head playfully. “It’s not funny! I stood outside that restaurant on a busy street like an idiot for an hour. During exam season!”

“I wonder, if studying is so special to you- ,” he said. He tugged on your underwear, and you barely cared about his words when you were already imagining his mouth on your pussy. “Why aren’t you at home right now, doing just that?”

“Too frustrated,” you groaned, spreading your legs, practically inviting him in. “You don’t get it. That was only the beginning of the date. It gets worse.”

“Oh, damn,” he laughed, and you were going to slap him again. Harder, this time. But his tongue kitten-licked over your clit and you didn’t dare interrupt him further.

“First of all, he turned out to be boring. An economics major. And look, I’m not generalizing, I’ve met some cool economics majors. But when I said I never really understood the whole thing with inflation and deflation, I wasn’t asking for him to explain it to me. I know what it means, I just meant to say money is the root of all evil,” you said, little moans slipping inbetween your sentences. He laughed whilst sipping on your clit. You couldn’t be mad at his laughing anymore. In fact, at the sound of his chuckles, your own lips curled into a smile, too. God, he was so good with his tongue.

“But turns out he loved money. Like it was the sole reason he was doing anything. When he showed me his gold watch I almost yawned,” you continued.

“Dating a rich guy can have its upsides too, though,” he said, but you knew he was joking. He was running the tips of his fingers over your core, and you whimpered at how badly you wanted him to put them inside of you. You loved watching him, loved feeling his hair tickle the side of your thighs and having his free hand laying on top of your hipbone. The familiarity of it all, his little habits, made your heart heavy, so full of emotion, all of a sudden. But you had to snap out of it.

“Not this guy. He kept saying these lowkey sexist things I won’t repeat now. It’ll only make me mad again. He was one of those who thought money would buy him a girlfriend. And I was really trying to see the good in him…only there was none,” you said.

“Alright, I’m starting to understand why you needed some cheering up,” he said. “Good thing you’re at the right place. I know just the thing.”

At this, he slid his digits into you. You hummed and dropped your head into the plush pillow. Slowly, you exhaled, happy you finally got to relax after being so upset. But of course, he had to interrupt. Again.

“Did I say you could stop? Was that the end of the story?” he said. How did he expect you to form a coherent sentence? He fingered you gently, but the slowness of it all only drove you crazier. You felt every tiny sensation, every new bit of you he touched.

“No,” you sulked. “Fuck, it feels so good.”

“Go on, then,” he encouraged you, grinning because he was proud of your reaction he had caused.

“Fuck- okay. He was super shitty to the waiter. I’m talking about criticizing everything. This man had the audacity to complain about the food. I’m not a food critic, but I swear the food was amazing, there was nothing to fault at all,” you said, and then whined when he switched from licking your clit to sucking it between his teeth. You knew he was doing this on purpose. To make speaking harder for you.

“Oh my god, H/N. Wait, let me finish this. Not only was he horrible to the waiter in person, but he also made fun of the waiter’s appearance behind his back. And all along he expected me to find him funny. I used to think he had a sense of humor but not after today. Blech.”

“At least you got a free dinner?” he said, and without awaiting your answer, went back to work. Your head was spinning in pleasure, and you could only laugh sarcastically at his suggestion.

“Yeah. And after that train wreck of a date, he really thought he’d get to stick his tongue down my throat,” you said.

“Did he at least ask permission?” asked the boy between your legs.

“Mhm…but I told him I don’t do that on the first date,” you said. “Safe to say there won’t be another date, though.”

He looked up now, laughing more than before. You grinned, mainly because the sight of him was so cute. He folded his hands on your belly and put his face down onto your skin to giggle. In no way could you be upset or urge him to keep giving you head. In fact, you had forgotten about all of that for a while, as he seemed to enjoy your misfortune a little too wildly. You should have been hungry, eager to have the half-naked boy inside of you. Yet, you laughed at the way his breaths tickled your stomach and when he finally made eye contact, it was a wholly different sort of hunger which overcame you. Instead of the heat he usually made you feel, it was a comfortable warmth that was in your chest. It reminded you of a bonfire or of drinking your favorite hot drink on a cool autumn day.

“I want to watch you come,” he said, casually. “Were you close?”

You were so lost in his trustworthy, dreamy eyes, you almost forgot to reply. Quickly, you nodded and hummed.

“I would have already come, had you not pestered me to tell you all the details of my date,” you said. The way his cheeks beamed when he smiled made you feel as if your insides were turning into mush.

“I’m sorry. I’m your friend, aren’t I allowed to ask how your day went?” he asked.

“Of course you are,” you said. The word ‘friend’ echoed off every wall in your head until you wished you could have deleted it from the dictionary.

“I’ll make sure it feels extra good now,” he said, kissing your stomach. You shivered as you watched his gentle lips move lower, to your hips and the insides of your thighs. The touch felt like butterfly wings on your skin, and the tardiness of it made you impatient. When his tongue came in contact with your clit again, you sucked in a breath of surprise.

He tried to start slowly, but then you gripped his hair tightly, and carefully pushed him further. It was something you did often, a way to tell him you wanted more without having to use words. After all this time, he understood perfectly. Your clit was between his lips and his tongue flicked over the sensitive bundle of nerves with just the right amount of pleasure. It felt incredible, creating a funny sensation in the pit of your stomach. His fingers grazed over your slit until you were whimpering and shifting your hips, trying to make him hurry.

One of his digits slid into you easily, curling against your sweet spot, and it hit you only now how much you had missed him between your legs since he had stopped a few minutes ago. It made you feel as though you were suddenly overwhelmed with all of him, but you were willing to let the heat crash over you if it meant you could be close to him.

“Am I making it up to you now?” he asked as he pulled away merely for a breath. “I’ll turn your day into a good one after all.”

In a different tone his words would have sounded like the exact thing one would have expected to hear from a fuckboy in the bedroom. He could have boasted and bragged endlessly about how great he was with his tongue and fingers – he would have been right – but he didn’t mean it like that. You could tell from the uprightness and the authenticity in his voice that he really was doing his best because he wanted to make you feel better and turn your day around. Because you were special to him. Or so you desperately hoped.

Your legs wrapped around his shoulders as if you were trapping him between your thighs. But he was right there, and he would gladly stay for so much longer, and to say it puzzled you was an understatement. The boy who belonged to everybody, who was known by all of the campus, was treating you like you were royalty, and not the other way around. You moaned, his name inevitably falling from your lips. He added another finger and the slightest stretch made you lose your mind for a split second.

“That guy could have never made you feel this good, could he?” he suddenly asked. Your initial response was a helpless whine. You had been so close, and his talking had interrupted the otherworldly bliss for a moment.

“No, never,” you then whimpered shortly. ‘No’ was such a tiny word. It could barely encapsule what you truly meant to say. Which was that it would have never even gotten that far. That other guys couldn’t even have you at all. They didn’t get their turn to try and beat him. Not as of lately, at least. That you didn’t so much as dare to think about sleeping with other guys. That even before you had gone on the date, you had known it wouldn’t lead to anything. No guy could let you develop an interest on him in the same way the boy between your legs had done it. No other would be able to kidnap your brain like that. H/N was always there. Even when it was only you and your sex toys, you would automatically pretend it was him getting you off. You were so far gone that it was embarrassing how long it had taken you to admit it to yourself. But it was a colossal thing to confess to him, and you would never do that. Rejection would hurt a billion times more than whatever it was you two had now.

Your heart was racing as you closed your eyes. You had been so lost in thought, it was wondrous you hadn’t fallen yet. But you were right on the edge, making your breaths come out like puffs and a string of moans and swears sound from your lips. He too had stopped talking, concentrating on the task at hand, and judging by the way your back arched he was doing one hell of a good job.

“Oh my god- “ you whimpered. “I’m so close, H/N.”

This time he didn’t reply, which was for the best. Only a few seconds passed until you started to quiver and whine beneath him. You were going to outer space behind your eyelids as your high rushed through you. Your fingers curled and tightened in his locks while your legs clenched around his head. He was quick to pull your thighs apart again, still not being finished. For long seconds you swam in pleasure, with nothing on your mind but bursting stars. He was heaven, knowing precisely how far he could take it until you were too sensitive to take any more.

When you were at that point, he finally pulled away and looked up at your crumpled form. There was a lazy smile playing in the corner of your lips and your vision was hazy after having had your eyes closed for a while. He climbed up your body until his chest was against yours so he could really look at you.

“I get all of this without ever having been on a single date with you? I’m so lucky,” he said. You only smiled at him, at a loss for words. What were you to say? The two of you were clearly past the awkward dating stage already.

“I’m lucky you let me come over all the time,” you said. “I would have expected the campus fuckboy to be busier. To not have an empty spot in his bed every night.”

“Ah, shut up,” he said. “I’d rather have you here than a girl I don’t know at all. Look, I’m really tired so I don’t know how this will go…but can I?” He was on his knees, a tent visible in his boxers. With a questioning look, he was tugging them down his legs now.

“Of course,” you said. As you watched him roll on a condom, your ears perked up. Did that song have to come on shuffle just now? The coziest, most romantic love song you adored so much? You knew if you looked him in the eyes you’d be done for. But there wasn’t anywhere else to look when he settled between your legs and held up his weight with his forearms. His eyes were deep enough for you to get lost within a second. Distracting yourself was impossible. The one last thing you could do was to reach between the two of you and guide his length into you.

The song’s chorus came on, you looked at him once again, and suddenly you were all his. You didn’t need to tell him so. He thrust gently, almost carefully, like he had never done it with you. Your heart hammered against your ribcage so vivaciously, you wondered whether it had turned autonomous and was now trying to jump out of your body, onto his skin and through it, so it could nestle next to his own heart.

Neither of you spoke. Yet, there had never been so much chemistry, such a heavy amount of uncommunicated emotions between the two of you. You were ready to hang on his every word, should he decide to speak up. In your head rampaged a billion sentiments you needed him to know, but there was no option to express them adequately. Perhaps there were simply no words in the English language to declare your feelings for him.

Small whimpers and moans left your lips only for him to hear. Sometimes he moved a little quicker, gifting you with the most perfect sounds he could make. And to know you were the cause for it sent you into overdrive. His mouth was right above yours. If you lifted your head slightly, you could have kissed his sweet, sweet lips. But you were so afraid. What would he think? You had never kissed him during sex. Not softly, like you wanted it so terribly.

Even worse, you craved so much more than that. You wanted to pull him in, envelope his mouth in your own, crawl over the edge of his lips and reside in his chest for safety. Because that’s what he was. Comfort. Reassurance. Home. How foolish you had been, pretending this little fling would lead to nothing more. You really had told yourself this would work. No feelings. Just fun. You couldn’t deny having fun with him. He was the best company you had ever known, and he had become your most precious friend quickly. It was as if you had only been waiting for the silly, flirty boy to sit across from you in the library and make weak advances towards you.

The love song tuned out slowly, replaced by something more sensual and sinful. In accordance with the new background noise, he gripped your hips a little meaner and went faster. You barely noticed how his breathing had sped up as he was getting closer to his orgasm. A trance had overcome you, transfixing you on his godlike features and how much it hurt to know you couldn’t call him yours. In your head you were made for each other. They always said to date your best friend, didn’t they? You could try to turn back time, go back to your first meeting place, at the party. See if things would turn out different. But you knew they wouldn’t. As much as your fear tried to suppress it – you would take the same path again, stumbling head-first into his arms and letting him into your life like a crashing wave of laughter and heart-crushing conversations.

Now you reflected in despair, how he had taken your heart in a storm, without having to try too hard. And worst of all, you were okay with it. Your heart was secure with him, you thought. The feelings yearned to be spoken out loud, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

“You feel so good,” he said. “Always, so fucking good.”

He snapped his hips against yours, burying his cock deep inside of you and all you could muster was a hum of agreement. This is what you got for keeping him at arms-length from the beginning. Wasn’t it you who had challenged him to be friends and only that? Perhaps you would be okay, so long as no one else called him theirs either. You could go on like this, letting him use you for sexual relief and making him laugh when he needed it. Gladly, you would take the pain of not being allowed to love him with your whole being if it meant you could see him whenever you wanted. Exposing those silly emotions would wreck your friendship and you wouldn’t let it happen.

He grunted and only then, when he lowered his head into the crook of your neck and moaned your name, you realized he was reaching his high. Softly, you cradled his head in your hands, as if it was the last time you could hold him like this. When he put his forehead against yours, he had his eyes closed and his chest was moving steadier than before.

“You’re the best,” he whispered. “Stay the night?”

Should you have gone home, and missed him all night? Would you have regretted saying no while you curled up in bed with no Cheshire-cat-grin-boy to hold? Or were you to remain in his bed, and pray you would survive the torture of not speaking your mind? His skin radiated the most wonderful warmth and you wanted to trace his lips with your eyes until you fell asleep. That’s how quickly it was decided.

“Okay,” you answered.

[suchalonelysunflower]

Be Alright (l.h)

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x Fem!Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: You go on tour with Luke and the boys for the first time, but things don’t go as planned as you try to fit in.

Warnings: Angst with Fluff. Anxiety, panic attacks, low self esteem. Language. Hostility. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count: 6.9 k

Author’s Note: This fic takes place after the pandemic. It deals with anxiety and panic attacks, but please remember that the symptoms as well as what the person experiences it’s always different, this is just how I see and experience these cases. Please, if you want to learn more about them get informed by a reliable source. Remember that Reblogs, Comments, Likes and Feedback are much appreciated and you don’t know how much it helps me! ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🌻🦋✨

My materialist // wanna be part of my taglist?

Picture taken from Pinterest

@theshyspy : (...) So I was wondering if you could write something with Luke or cal (whoever feels most natural?) where the reader just gets really anxious and he takes care of her and calms her down? maybe making sure she eats and/ or drinks enough, that she gets some rest, perhaps he sings for her? Idk just some fluff🤷🏼‍♀️ (It’s totally ok if you don’t want to, or don’t feel comfortable writing it !! I know it can be triggering for some people so just leave it if it bothers you in any way!!🙆🏼‍♀️💕)

The feeling of an ice-cold touch shook you out of your dreamless sleep. You nearly jumped out of your seat before remembering where you were and what you were doing.

The light came through the small window, illuminating your seats and the small aisle that separated you from your friends. The air conditioner was turned off and you made a mental note to thank Luke later, he knew how cold you get on these travels.

Speaking of “Why are your hands so damn cold?!” You scolded your boyfriend as you rub your eyes, trying to wake up and steady your heartbeat from the scare you just got.

Luke just pressed his lips in a thin line, not wanting to laugh at your sudden reaction but also not to smile like an idiot due to your sleepy state. Even after a 15-hour flight you still looked cute as hell in his eyes.

“Sorry, love,” He said with a smile once you looked at him “I was having a drink, and then came time to wake you up. I didn’t notice my hands were cold”

You murmured some gibberish close to an ‘okay’ and yawned “How long was I out?”

Luke cringed “20 minutes”

“What?!”

It was no surprise, you could never sleep well in places that were not a proper bed. You didn’t want to think about how it would be like to sleep in a bunk next to your six-foot-four Australian boyfriend.

“I thought I slept longer” You pouted “Although it didn’t feel like much”

“Another bad dream?” He asked, placing his head on your shoulder as he intertwined his fingers with yours, slowly playing with them.

“A lack thereof, actually,” You said, yawning again “But don’t worry, I’ll sleep when we get to the hotel”

Luke smiled and brought your hands to his lips, softly placing a kiss on your knuckles as you cuddled next to him.

Your heart was beating loud and you hoped he wouldn’t notice, or if he did then he did not say anything and you were grateful. It was stressful enough to travel on tour for the first time and to know that you might bring him down with your anxious overthinking was not doing great with you.

Luckily, your mind grew quiet as Calum popped his head from the seat in front of you.

“Excited for your first tour?” He asked with a grin. He looked brand new, and as you looked around you realized they all do. For a moment there you had to remind yourself that this is what they do for a living.

“Mmh hmm” You hummed, head still placed over Luke’s while you played with his hair “Kinda nervous, though” You admitted.

“Why?” This time it was Ashton the one who asked, popping his head from the seats next to yours as he joined the conversation “It’s going to be fun! Like a big road trip” He chuckled.

“Yeah but-” Your voice was cut out by the pilot who announced over the speakers your arrival at the airport.

You thought about sharing your fears with the boys, given that this was your first time flying across the world with them you didn’t exactly know what to expect and you were scared to find that out in the worst situations. But then, how could they know? After all, how much pressure could they have when they pretty much secured the love of everyone? You, however, were just the girlfriend and it almost felt like you have to earn that place on tour.

The fans will be looking at them but criticizing you. It’s not like it would be your first time dealing with it since you went public with your relationship, God knows it’s not easy dealing with that But it won’t be just them this time, there’s also the paparazzi, the crew, the boys themselves even if they don’t notice; they are all expecting you to be ready and up for it, perfect all the time. Not to mention the stress of traveling and the schedules, the jet lag and the-

Once again your thoughts were put on pause before you could finish overthinking them as you felt Luke shake next to you. You met his gaze but he was looking to the side, trying hard to stiffen his laughter as Ashton dropped an ice cube into Michael's back under his shirt, waking him up with a jump and a mix of curses.

You shook your head and laughed along with them. You should be thankful for having them, after all, they are your friends and they could help you manage all of those pits of anxiety that started to grow. Anything could happen on this tour and, at least you know that you won’t be bored.

Luke helped you with your carry-out and let you walk in front of him, all while placing his hands on the sides of your waist and walking -or actually more like waddling along with you. You giggled as he placed his head on top of yours, making it difficult to walk for the both of you but he wasn’t going to let go. That’s one of the things you love about him; he is never afraid to show his affection and be close to you, almost in a protective manner. You feel safe with him and you know the feeling is mutual.

You laughed with the rest of the boys as you made your way to claim your luggage, joking around and teasing each other much to the annoyance of the other passengers. You felt how Luke’s chest rumbled with laughter, and in the few quiet moments, you got while waiting for your bags he managed to hold you closer and press little kisses around your forehead and cheeks, making you giggle in his tight embrace. You almost forgot how tired you were from the flight.

Almost. But your body had a different plan.

As your bags were taking their sweet time, you could hear the distant voices of the boys drifting away from you. Slowly, you began to drift away too, your eyelids becoming heavy as you struggled to stay up. Soon enough, the notices became a light buzzing sound inside your head.

“Y/N?” Luke asked as he felt you become heavier on his grip “Baby?” He looked down at your face and saw you fight to get your eyes open and failed to do so as they kept shutting without your permission.

He cringed as he saw your tired face, knowing that he was once again tasked with the job of waking you up. If it were up to him, he would’ve carried you in his arms all the way to the van just for you to get some sleep. But it was common for them for fans to welcome them in the airport accompanied by some paparazzi who tried to get a bad shot out of them and, despite his wishes for you to be completely rested and healthy, he needed to wake you up.

“Y/N, are you alright, love?” He asked whispering in your ear, rubbing his hands up and down your arms hoping that in that way he could somehow share some of his energy with you.

You quickly came back to your senses once you felt Luke’s arms leave your waist and hold you by your shoulders and elbows. A red flush covered your face as you realized where you were standing -and almost falling, asleep.

“Y-yeah,” You said, standing up straight as you pull away from his hold, somehow trying to prove your point “I’m just-“

“Tired. Yeah, it’s okay” Luke reassured you as he came closer and wrapped you in his arms by the waist “I was just like you when I experienced my first jet lag. It will go away”

You scoffed “Yeah? In how long?”

“In like four months when we get home” He teased, immediately bursting into laughter when he saw you glare at him.

You slightly punched his chest, mocking anger. But soon enough you found yourself laughing along “I think I just need to eat something”

Luke stopped laughing, replacing his smile with a concerned gaze “Didn’t you eat on the plane?”

“I couldn’t. I tried to eat while you were asleep, but my stomach just rejected the food so I chose to wait until we were on land”

Luke shook his head and was about to say something when Calum interrupted him to give you both your bags.

“Those were the last ones,” He said “We need to get going”

Luke nodded as he watched him walk away, turning to you once he was out of sight.

You could feel his worried stare, but you just smiled at him as you placed your hand on his cheek “Don’t worry love. I can buy something from here and then eat some real food at the hotel if that would make your worries go away”

He just sighed and nodded. You smiled reassuringly at him and brought him closer to peck his lips “Love you”

“Love you, too,” He said with a love fool grin “Ready to start the tour?” He asked excitedly.

You nodded enthusiastically as you grabbed his hand and started walking along with him towards the gates, feeling ready to face up anything.

Well, you weren’t ready to face up to what ensued.

As soon as those gates opened you were bombarded with flashes of cameras and screams from thousands of people.

Fans were gathered outside the airport gates, waiting for their favorite band to arrive. Of course, this led to the paparazzi being there as well, waiting to get an inside scoop of the boys’ first arrival on their world tour after the pandemic.

There were too many people for you to be able to see more than three meters in front of you. All of them were shouting Luke’s name as he tried to make his way out of there and lead you to safety.

You lifted your gaze and saw how he was smiling at the fans, waving with his free hand as his grip on your hand became tighter. Strangers were approaching the both of you very quickly, pushing their way to the front as they asked and demanded a picture of an autograph.

Your personal space was becoming smaller and smaller as they pushed through you, trying to separate you from your boyfriend’s grip. They bumped your shoulder and kicked your sides with elbows and frantic arms. You felt your voice getting drowned out as you called for Luke, hoping that he could hear you over the commotion and come help you out.

It all happened so fast. Luke let go of your hand by accident for just one second as he tried to look back at you. His heart shattered as he struggled to find your eyes in the crowd of pleas and flashing cameras “Y/N?!” He called, trying to appear calm in front of those strangers, but on the inside he was desperate, kicking himself over and over for ever letting go of your hand.

And then, he heard it “Luke!”

Your eyes were wide and filled with tears as people pushed through you to get to him. His eyes filled with regret as he sucked on a breath and walked towards you, easily making his way back as all of the people who were standing there stepped aside to let him through. No one pushed him, no one yelled at him for stepping into their place. No one dared to disrespect him as they disrespected you.

In a matter of seconds, Luke was standing in front of you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him. You felt like you could breathe again.

“You okay?” He asked, mumbling as he kissed your head. You heard the faintest “aww” coming from the fans witnessing this little gesture and confusing with something cute instead of what it was: he was shielding you from them, protecting you while comforting you the best he could. Yet, all you could hear was Luke’s beating heart as you hid your face in his chest.

“Let’s get out of here,” Luke said, tensing his whole body as he pulled you to the side, not letting go of his grip to your waist as you walked rapidly towards the exit.

You both ignored the calls and flashed from your surroundings. You could feel your breathing becoming heavier as you tried to keep up with his steps, not really relaxing until you saw the van’s door opening and Calum making space for the both of you.

You jumped inside the car and Luke quickly followed, closing the door and letting out a breath he was holding.

“So…” Ashton said, breaking the silence after they drove away “That was fun. Nothing like a little chaos to start the tour”

For the first time in your life, you wanted to punch his face. Your heart was still beating loudly inside your chest and they were all so calm. It truly seemed like they didn’t care that you just went through one of the scariest experiences of your life.

Yeah, you know you might be exaggerating. But it’s your first flight with the boys, first time in a foreign country, first time with a multitude of fans and photographers where they all pushed you to get to your boyfriend. And they were all fine? Like it wasn’t a big deal? And they say it was fun?

The chattering continued, all three of them talking about the fans they saw and how they reacted to them. Joking around and teasing each other for various reasons. No one noticed how your hands were shaking or how you didn’t say a word since you got up in the car.

You tried to steady your breath and to hide your hands somewhere until they were cool. You still feel a sting where one girl elbowed you, knowing it might leave a bruise. You tried to close your eyes and think about nice things to get you off your mind for a while, but all you could see was how Luke drifted away from you, going farther and farther as you lost sight of him; and no matter how hard you yelled his name, your voice was drowned and lost among all the others.

The tears started to pick up in your eyes and you held them back as hard as you could. You needed to be strong, this is just the first stop of the tour and you needed to toughen up if you want to keep up. You just hoped you could do it before anyone noticed it.

Luke was sitting beside you, not participating in the conversation of his bandmates, but rather he was looking at you and how your leg bounced up and down in a rapid motion.

He knew your mind must be going ten miles per hour at this moment. You weren’t used to this whole lifestyle and for that to be your first experience must be nerve-wracking. He wished he could just erase all those bad feelings and bring you the comfort you deserve.

“Hey,” He finally said, softly enough for you to hear as he leaned closer to you. Your eyes quickly snapped in his direction, finding some kind of peace in his baby blue eyes “Are you okay?”

He knew the answer was no, but he also knew you would never admit that, so it was no surprise when you smiled at him and nodded. Only this time the smile didn’t reach your eyes like they always do.

“You know just… a bit tired, that’s all,” You said, not wanting to worry him. But it was a little bit late for that and you noticed that the instant he furrowed his brows and gave you the ‘I know you’re lying’ look.

“Are you sure? Because that out there was pretty crazy and-“

“I’m fine, Luke” You reassured him, scooting closer to him and leaning against his frame. He immediately rounded his arm around your shoulder and started drawing circles on your skin with his thumb “I don’t really want to talk about it right now. I just need you close for a while, is that okay?”

Luke sighed and held you tighter “Yeah, of course, love. Whatever you need. You should try to get some sleep, I’m sorry we couldn’t buy you anything to eat back in the airport”

You look around you. All the boys were singing and joking around, not paying attention to you and Luke; making it difficult for you to just drift back to sleep.

“No, don’t worry. I’m okay. I’ll eat and sleep when we get to the hotel”

You watched the scenery pass by as the car drove you to your destination. You tried to focus on the conversations going around you, but you were too distracted by the beauty of it all.

It amazed you how after such a scary experience could come such comfort; you were surrounded by your best friends and your lover, experiencing new things and memories you knew you needed to treasure forever.

From time to time you could feel Luke staring at you, almost like he wanted to make sure you were okay and you would reassure him with soft smiles and little pecks on the cheeks as the other guys reminisced about their previous times abroad.

Suddenly, the car came to a stop and you found yourselves parked in a huge parking lot. You looked at Luke with a confused expression and he did the same. You didn’t know where you were.

“Uh, why are we stopping?” He asked as Calum and Ashton opened their doors and stepped out of the van.

“Because we are here?” Michael asked, not getting his friend’s confusion.

“This is the hotel?” You asked.

“This is the venue…” Michael said, pulling a lever so he could push Calum’s seat out of the way and step outside “We are not going to the hotel till tonight”

“What?!” Luke half asked, half yelled.

“Yeah, dude. We’re behind schedule so we need to do a quick soundcheck and then hop in the car and go do a couple of interviews in radio stations… did you not read the email?”

Luke facepalmed himself “No…” He lamented as he rubbed his face with the palm of his hand, then he looked at you with apologetic eyes “Oh my god, Y/N. I’m so sorry, love”

“It’s okay, Luke” It was not okay, you really wanted to take a nap and a shower before the show. But you couldn’t have avoided this at any cost and it wasn’t his fault at all, so there was no need to bring him down because of this.

“No! Of course, it’s not okay. You need to rest and eat a proper meal. This is it fair to you and I’m so sorry”

You could tell that he was kicking himself inside his head and you hated to see him all worked up and anxious. It broke your heart to see him so frustrated with himself.

Your palms cupped his face and made him look at you “Luke, baby. It’s fine, I promise. It will be fun! Plus, I can always nap on the couch” But he didn’t look conceived at all “I’ll be fine”

He sighed “Promise you will eat something there? And drink some water?”

You nodded with a smile “I promise. Now go! You have a soundcheck to kill” You winked at him and pecked his lips before jumping out of the van.

“What would I do without you?”

*

After the quick soundcheck, the boys changed clothes and got ready for an afternoon filled with interviews and quick appearances. It was going to be a wild ride, so you opted out of staying in the venue until they got back.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Luke asked for the tenth time.

“Of course she will!” Intervened Ashton “She’s Y/N/N, she can take care of herself”

You rolled your eyes at him and stared back at your boyfriend “I’ll be fine, love. I’ll just stay right here and maybe I’ll take a nap”

“And you know where the catering room is?”

You certainly didn’t, but he didn’t need to know that right now. You would manage well enough.

“Yes, dad” You teased

“Y/N!” Luke mocked a shocked expression “Not in front of the boys!”

You scoffed and lightly pushed him in the chest “You pig! Not everything has to be dirty!”

“You started it!”

“Go!” You laughed, kissing him one last time “Give your fans some content”

You saw the four of them walk through the door and you let out an exhausted breath. This is the first time you allowed yourself to relax since you boarded the plane almost 24 hours ago and you were beyond tired at this point.

How did they do it? Fly across the world and still look like superstars, what kind of deal did they make, and with whom?

You looked around the green room, your eyes landing on your reflection. You physically cringed at the image in front of you; dark heavy bags rested under your eyes and your hair, although pulled back, seemed oily and tangled in knots; your clothes had wrinkles in them and you seriously regretted sending your luggage directly to the hotel, leaving you with this shirt, a hoodie, and your black jeans.

A sigh escaped your lips as you tried to think of nice things; things that would keep your mind out of overthinking every single detail that has gone wrong since the minute you left home. How were you supposed to prove that you belong on the tour if you couldn’t even handle the first day? You needed to gain your energy back before the guys came back, and what better medicine than a little nap?

You moved Ashton’s heavy bag from one corner of the couch and laid on your back, but the awaited relief never came. You tossed and turned in different positions, hissing every time the warm leather glued itself to your skin only for it to be peeled off with every movement.

The sounds from outside of the room grew louder as the crew hurried to put everything in its place on time for the show. People were running in and outside the green room, not paying attention to you laying on the couch trying to find an ounce of sleep as they focused on their tasks.

You don’t know how long it’s been and, honestly, you’re afraid to ask. It was clear that you were not going to get any sleep here, not while everyone’s acting frantic because of a scheduling mishap and not while your mind is still preoccupied trying to keep up instead of relaxing as Luke told you to do.

You tried one last time to get at least a five-minute nap, but it was almost impossible. You opened your eyes with a groan and got up, so frustrated that you didn’t even feel the burn on your skin when you separated yourself from the uncomfortable couch.

The second your feet touched the ground and you lifted yourself on your feet, everything started to spin. You felt how your blood seemed to have disappeared from your body, leaving only a carcass that couldn’t stand for itself, making you fall on your ass back into the couch.

You felt nauseous, but the growling in your stomach reminded you that you haven’t eaten in all day. You had to eat something before you passed out, but the mere thought of eating made you feel even dizzier if that was possible.

You counted to ten, ignoring the way your head pounded with loud warnings and stood up. It took you a few seconds to find your balance again, but once you started walking you felt like you couldn’t stop.

You got out of the room, not really knowing where the catering was but you were determined to get there. You couldn’t let Luke and the rest see you like that, so weak and pathetic. It’s just day one and you are already passing out? How stupid is that!

The loud bangs in your head increased with every step you took, soon becoming voices that screamed inside your mind, drowning every ounce of clarity you might have; turning to the right and then to the left, then to the end of the hallway and back to the right. Did you even know where you were going?

Did you even know why you were here?

It was bound to happen, sooner or later, that Luke would ask you to accompany him on tour. Bet he is regretting that decision now. You tried, you really tried to be the supporting girlfriend, but how could you be of any support when you were the one who needed it? He didn’t come here to be your nanny and yet all he’s done is worry about you! You should be able to take care of yourself, yet you can’t even do that for him.

What a terrible girlfriend you were. He will surely break up with you and send you back home on the next flight. He didn’t need this kind of energy, this cloud of darkness you were becoming, ready to drown out his light with your problems. If only you could do better for him. For Luke.

Luke, the simple thought of him brought you to the brink of tears. You loved him so much, so much that it hurt to love him yet at the same time it was the best comfort in the world just to be standing by his side. You wanted to be by his side and never let go, but you were pushing away from him. Your mind and meaningless needs were separating you from him, telling you that he deserves someone better, more equipped to handle the lifestyle you weren’t ready for.

He is the brightest star in the universe and you are just a firefly, trying hard to be something you’d never be and everyone can see it. The fans see it, the media sees it and even your friends will someday. They will realize that you were nothing more than a girl who just hoped she could be enough but ended up becoming one more burden to carry with.

You couldn’t survive out here, not right now, and not without Luke. You are falling and you feel like if you stay you might drown him with you. You were disappointing him right now, pacing around the-

Where the fuck were you?

The voice inside your head died down as you didn’t recognize the place where you were standing.

You were supposed to be on your way to catering, and you were… but you didn’t know where it was and now you don’t know where you are.

Great.

The screams of the fans reverberated through the walls of the narrow hallway, you only now realize that the doors must be open and the show is about to start. You brought a hand to your back pocket, thinking about calling Luke and telling him your situation and asking him how to get to where they were. But your pockets were flat and your phone was nowhere to be seen, you must’ve left it in the greenroom.

“Fuck!” You yelled, voice hoarse from not having drunk anything since this morning. You looked to your left and there was just a blank wall staring back at you with no way out. You thought about going back, but you weren’t paying attention to where you were heading, so you risked the fact of getting more lost before someone could find you.

Fuck it.

You turned around and started walking, faster and faster. You were almost jogging through the deserted hallways trying to find your way back. You were panicking with every turn, every curve. To the right, then left, then a left, and a right again. You could hear the faintest riff of a guitar, so you speed up your pace. Your exhaustion had nothing compared to the fear in the pit of your stomach, you needed to get back. You needed to be there for Luke, to find your way back.

The desperation you held inside made you ignore the tears that were spilling out of your eyes without permission. You didn’t want to be alone anymore in a place you don’t know. You are sure your mind is playing tricks on you, making the hallways longer and the seconds everlasting, constantly repeating in your head how you were nothing more than a little lost girl who was playing something she shouldn’t. Something she wouldn’t ever be.

People passed you as you turned around corners, your heart beating loud as you recognized some faces from the crew, getting closer and closer to where you were supposed to be.

And finally, you arrived.

You let out a breath, you didn’t know if it was from relief or just a way to drown out the sob that was threatening to come out. You made a move to open the door but you noticed your hands were shaking. A cold feeling ran through your body, making you shiver as you wiped your sweaty palms on the front of your jeans. You were so close but why did you feel so far away? Drifting and drifting further and further….

What was happening?

“Y/N?”

You heard your name being called by a familiar voice. You lifted your head and saw Michael standing at the door of the green room, his eyes scanning you carefully. You swore you could see a hint of fear in them. He quickly moved out of the way, opening the door wider so you could step in.

You lifted your gaze, your teary eyes meeting Luke’s as he stood in the middle of the room, pacing back and forward with his phone in his hand, gripping it so tightly you thought it might crack.

“There you are!” He said, pressing a button on his screen. He was smiling, relief visible on his features as his eyes took you in “I’ve been looking for you, the opening band already started playing and- Y/N?”

Suddenly, everything stopped. Luke’s eyes denoted fear as he saw you collapse to your knees the moment you stepped into the room. He saw everything happen in slow motion: the way you wrapped your arms around your stomach; the shaking of your entire frame as you let out a heavy breath mixed with a sob; and the tears in your eyes as you tried to make sense of what was happening to you.

He acted fast. In one swift move, he was kneeling in front of you, taking you in his arms as he pulled you closer to his chest “She’s having a panic attack!” He said, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, but none of his friends moved as they were still shocked by the image of you falling into the ground.

“Michael!” He called, remembering that people act better in an emergency if given direct orders “Go find a doctor. Ashton, bring her something to eat. And Calum, find water and soda. She’s dehydrated and needs some sugar”

All three of them didn’t think twice before jumping out of their seats and running through the halls to find those things for you. But you couldn't hear any of that.

“I’m sorry,” You cried, over and over again “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

“Shh, love” Luke cooed, lifting you and sitting back down on the couch, placing you on his lap as he rocked you back and forwards “It’s okay love. Nothing to be sorry for, I’m here. I’m here”

You kept crying into his chest, struggling to breathe as every sob seemed to tear your throat in two. You knew Luke was touching you, but you couldn’t feel his hands anywhere as you shook through your cries.

“Baby- Y/N, listen to me. Okay?” He said with a calming voice, completely contrasting how he was feeling inside “Listen to my voice, baby. Breathe with me, okay? One,” He inhaled deeply, his finger tracing a line up your back so you could follow him “Two” He exhaled, bringing his finger down “Good, do that again, please? One, two”

He was trying so hard not to panic along with you. Seeing you so frail in his arms made his heart break into a million pieces. He didn’t know what was going on in your mind or why or what you were apologizing for. All he knows is that he would do anything not to hear your broken cries again, so desperate and hopeless. He would do anything to make sure you are alright and safe.

You imitated Luke’s breathing pattern as close as you could. Breathing in and out every time he asked until you could feel his finger running up and down your spine, his touch finally bringing some comfort to your body and mind as they recognized him. They recognized home.

Your cries died down the moment Michael stepped through the door accompanied by a nurse, Ashton, and Calum who all brought some type of food and drink to lay down on the table.

Luke made some space so the nurse could sit down next to you, but he never once let go of you or stopped moving his finger on your back. He needed you to know that he was still here and he was not going anywhere.

“She seems good,” The nurse said after quickly giving you a check-up “It was just a panic attack. You did well in calming her down” He said to Luke, giving him a pat on the back “I’m gonna leave here some pills for her to take once she eats and drinks something, these will help with the body ache and headache she will feel later and also will help her sleep”

The four men thanked the nurse as Michael closed the door again. All eyes were fixed on you as you rested your head on Luke’s shoulder, eyes closed as your breathing became even and lighter again.

“Is that-? Is that a half-eaten burger?” Calum asked, pointing to the table filled with foods and drinks, and breaking the silence that had set upon them.

“I panicked!” Ashton answered.

“Could you guys give us a moment, please?” Luke asked, eyes never leaving your face as he held you closer. His friends nodded and walked out of the room, leaving the two of you alone.

“I’m sorry, bub,” You said, voice broken and soft.

You slowly opened your eyes and suddenly felt like crying again when you met Luke’s gaze. Surprised at the fact that he didn’t seem angry; all you could see in his eyes was a relief.

“Why are you sorry, love?” He asked, voice as soft as yours as he caressed your cheeks with the back of his free hand “You have nothing to apologize for. These things happen and we can’t really avoid them”

“No,” You said, pushing away from him as you separated from his lap and went to sit on the spot next to him.

Luke’s heart broke at your actions, but it completely shattered when he saw the tears picking up in your eyes again.

“I’m sorry for ruining everything” Your voice broke as you started talking “I’m sorry for being one more burden in this tour that hasn’t even started yet. Look at me! Not even a day in and I’m already falling apart! This is not what you expected of me, Luke and don’t try to deny it. I’ve disappointed you, the band, myself-”

“You did not do such a thing” He tried to say, but you weren’t listening.

“Maybe I’m not meant for this” Your words took his breath right out of his mouth, he didn’t like where this conversation was going “Maybe I’m better off at home. At least there I’m not embarrassing myself in airports or with your fans or with your bandmates and crew- I want to be someone you would be proud of but all I do is overthink every little thing that I forget the rest. I tried so hard to keep up, to prove to you and the others and even myself that I could belong here on tour; that I could live this life with ease as you all do and I just keep failing everyone. I love you, Luke. But I can’t stand the thought of slowing you or pulling you down with me, and you don’t deserve to be tied up with some mess like me-”

Your words were cut off by Luke’s lips clashing with yours. It took you a minute to respond and kiss him back, letting all your worries slip away for only one minute. Only one minute where you could pretend that everything was alright.

Luke pulled away first, placing his forehead against yours “You uplift me, Y/N”

“What?”

He cupped your cheeks, making you look at him as he spoke with such care and love.

“You could never bring me down, you are the one keeping me above the water, my love. I deserve to be with you as much as you deserve to be right here with us”

“Luke-”

“It’s my fault,” He said with a sad voice, you opened your mouth to say something but he beat you to it “Don’t try to deny it, Y/N. It’s true. I should’ve prepared you more for what was coming instead of throwing you into the lion's den without a single warning. I knew from the moment I saw your face in the crowd back at the airport that I had failed you, not the other way around. But you stayed, you pulled through and told me that it was okay when it clearly wasn’t. Y/N, you are stronger than any of us and much more caring and loving… I’m so proud of you and that I get to call you to mine that sometimes I can’t even believe it”

He carefully wiped a tear from your cheek, his heart fluttering with joy at seeing you smile back at him “I love you. And if you say that you are not ready for this, then I will book you a flight tonight. I don’t want to see you in pain, my love, even if you try to hide it. I couldn’t stand the thought of being the one who breaks you” He took a moment, thinking over his words “But if you decide to stay. I promise you I will make every single minute of it worth it. I’ll protect you better. I’ll do my best to take care of you the same way you take care of me. You’re my angel, Y/N. And I need you close”

Tears were falling down your eyes again as you pulled him closer into a hug. Luke quickly swung your legs over his lap and held you as tight as he could, almost fearing that you would slip off his embrace if he ever let you go.

You could hear him mumbling something as he rocked the two of you back and forwards again, this time to comfort you both. You pulled your head slightly from his chest so you could hear him better, he was singing the words from “Still”, your favorite Niall Horan’s song.

”Oh, we'll be alright

Oh, it'll be alright”

You always loved when he sang to you, always bringing you the sense of peace you so much needed.

But as you cuddled closer you noticed that not only was he singing, but you could also hear the guitar, the melody, the crowd…

Luke noticed your confusion and chuckled “I asked the opener to cover this song for us; for you. Wanted to surprise you on your first day”

You swore your smile couldn’t get bigger if you tried. Your eyes filled with tears as you chuckled “Well,” You said, sniffing as you knocked your forehead to his “I can’t wait to see what other surprises you got for the rest of the tour”

Luke’s eyes sparkled with the happiness of a little boy on Christmas day “You’re staying?”

You nodded “As long as you want me to”

“Forever, then” He smiled before connecting your lips with his once again. Letting go of all your worries, for all you could feel was love.

*

The concert was going great. You were convinced this was their best show up to date, but you were saying that since the tour began two months ago.

Luke stayed true to his promise of making everyday worth it. Although you knew that every day that you woke up next to him, whether it was in a bunk or a plane or a hotel bed, that it was worth more than enough. You were home, wherever you went, as long as you had him.

You smiled, laughed, and danced along with the songs on your side of the stage, looking proudly at your boyfriend who lived to do what he loved. But your favorite moment of the night was this; seconds before he started their next song, he would look for your eyes backstage and once he’s found you, he would smile at you and say.

“This is ‘Lover of mine’, everyone. Sing with your heart”

*

Tags : @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @sarcasticallywitty15 @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils

[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Lies

Warning: Spoilers! And possibly having your heart torn into pieces. Other than that, have fun!

We open up with Marinette figuring out the recipes for the power ups as the new guardian.

I am disappointed that she still has not stopped oogooling over Adrien when he appeared on the news. Especially since she was allegedly with Luka by then. (I'll explain what I mean in just a minute)

Adrien was tired after the day he had as Adrien, which is a contrast of what Marinette believes his life is like. But being Chat Noir is the highlight of his day...

...only to not see Ladybug show up for patrols. And we see that it was all due to her figuring out the powerups.

Also, the patrols are a thing in cannon and I am still not over it after "Truth".

Chat Noir hoping for an akumatization so he can escape his civilian life radiated the same energy as Alya asking for akumatizations to interview the temporary heroes on her IG post. I get it, but still! We do not have people in danger for our needs.

Plagg being the one who announces any voice messages for Chat and asking for cheese through the feature on the Chat Phone brings me a whole other level of life.

Also, the whole milk thing at Le Grand Paris bar counter. It was hilarious, but also very sad. He really missed his m'lady

He ends the patrol after he saw Kagami training with her mom. And the smiles on his face! *Cries in Marichat and Ladynoir*

Plagg is the one that encourages Adrien to move on from Adrien, just like he applauded him from doing so in Loveater.

Kagami apparently said that fencing lessons are scheduled an hour in advance and Adrien (with that goofy grin on his face) knew what was up!

Both Ms. Tsurugi and Gabriel are very pissed at one another for the schedule change. That's hilarious, although everything comes at a price.

The parallels! Kagami is apparently learning Russian at her mother's request. Truly is a reflection of Adrien, civilian life wise.

Kagami? Lying???? The hell???? Who are you and what have you done to Kagami????? (Why am I surprised, y'all did this in Desperada)

She lies to their parents and the teacher to be in the art room with Adrien. I get it, teenage rebellion after being under an uninvolved parent, but still!

I like how the writers gave Kagami another dimension by saying she loves art, but her mom does not like her passion for drawing.

To Kagami's mom: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR DAUGHTER IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH???!!! HER DRAWINGS BELONG IN A MUSEUM!

Also, art reflecting the truth? Hmmm.....

Since people like mentioning that Marinette has a thing for people with absent parents after "Truth", I will now say that Adrien has a thing for people who are great at drawing. I do not take criticism.

Kagami is hinting that Adrien's civilian life is not his true self (thank you for understanding him!)...

...but also says that being a "clown" (it was the Chat pose) is also not who he really is. The fandom would disagree with you. Although that brings up the question of whether both personalities merge to form who he really is and cannot be seen completely by anyone in any part of his life. But he is more like Chat Noir regardless.

Also, I want to see Adrien and Kagami spend more time together prior to this episode to see why she was not pleased with him being a clown if that's who he truly is, because her repositioning him against the wall made me feel like she is trying to place Adrien into a mold that reflects the image she might have created in her mind. (I don't know, this was just the first thought that came in my mind.)

They almost kiss, with Adrien being taken into shock (not terrified as we thought) until the alarm saying they have fencing lessons starting interrupts them and Adrien runs out, not before BLUSHING LIKE HELLO?!?!?

This is what I referred to in my second point and confirms what everyone was saying about this episode: this is "Truth", but through Adrien's perspective. Finally, an Adrien-centered episode!!!

To continue, every time Adrien and Kagami are together or were about to kiss, a sentimonster appears, with Ladybug trying to do something about it. Just like Lukanette, just like Adrigami: being a superhero affects your love life as a civilian.

Chat being thrown off the roof by accident and being rescued will never get old or less funny lol.

Montages continues up until the boat scene, where Adrien missed the intro to the performance, but I will never get over the fact as to how Adrien made it there before Marinette. It is beyond me.

Kagami not letting Adrien stay for 5 more minutes. Hmm...

Their cute moment together was what will lead to the demise of Adrigami as Kagami noticed he dropped the infamous lucky charm bracelet. *le gasp!

Why *le gasp*? Because 1) I fear it symbolizes that something will happen to Adrienette or that Adrien has forgotten about her, and 2) Wait until later.

Kagami revealed she lied so she can spend more time with Adrien alone, lying about leaving rehearsal earlier, lying about the fencing lessons rescheduling, and who else knows what else so she can be with him.

She tells him she loves him. But Adrien notices Ladybug and an Akuma. Oh boy, he wasn't able to give her any attention.

Because he left towards the direction of the boat (and said he left something there), Kagami used that to conclude it had something to do with Marinette. Oh boy.

Either I missed an entire scene about Ladybug knowing ShadowMoth's name, or we were not supposed to know how they know until this episode. It feels out of place to me, but oh well.

"I..am...AN INCREDIBLE SWIMMER!" still cracks me up even when I know how important it was in protecting her secret identity.

Happy Birthday Prince Ali!

Apparently, Kagami lied that her mom was in charge of watching over Adrien (or maybe not? I can't tell at this point.)

Yep, Kagami believes that Adrien is going after Marinette and probably resents them both if her facial expression says anything

We get to see that Ladynoir moment from "Truth"!! I love these two and their banter.

Adrienette stans, not much has changed. Adrien was concerned that he lost the Lucky Charm bracelet, for real. But said again because he though he would be clear of the lie since he thought he had it on him.

Kagami confronts him with it. AND THIS IS HIS SHOCKED FACE SCENE FROM THE TRAILER!!!

Thinking that she lies to get out of being with her, she leaves. With the bracelet. The leaving part is understandable, especially because she does not know about him being Chat Noir or what entails him to do. But why take the bracelet???

Adrien is also saddened by what happened. He also liked her.

We've never seen that part of city hall. Well designed in my opinion.

She was the akuma in City Hall with the glowing sphere! We were right!!!

Adrien feels guilty, though it is not really his fault. He has a duty to Paris!

Why is the music sounding different in French.

Jagged Stone. How do I feel about you after learning you purposefully abandoned Luka and apparently Juleka? Also, what's with the song??? (Rhetorical question. Do not answer)

We were wrong about Kagami's power: it paralyzes people who lie, not kill everything in its path.

Jagged, you abandoned your children. And you apparently lied about your age?!?!?! Both episodes show something about Jagged Stone that make him seem like an awful person on the inside.

Ladybug, how do you know about Lies's powers?!?!? There is a hole in the plot here! Unless there were other paralyzed civilians that gave her power a dead giveaway.

Chat Noir, if you lie as a civilian for whatever reason, of course Ladybug will too, since as a civilian, you need to lie to keep your secret identity a secret. Same rules apply to Ladybug, especially as the guardian.

The Lucky Charm is a drone, not a camera like I thought. How the hell did I get into an ivy if I can't tell the difference?!?!

Chat Noir pretending to lie is funny. It might also be his peppy attitude to lying. Also, his funnier version of ShadowMoth's name.

Ladybug finds the akumatized object and gasps. I wonder if its only a eureka moment or also the fact that she recognizes the bracelet, especially if its custom made.

Brutally honest people does not exist (we have all lied at some point, even Kagami who is usually brutally honest with people), but animals can't lie.

Fang being involved in destroying the akuma is cool.

This is the moment that we dreaded so much, yet knew was coming: CHAT NOIR DIES!

JK! He actually is paralyzed by truth because he jumped into the glowing orb. We were right that this is an anguishing scene to watch, but we're wrong about the part that he's killed. Yet, he still unnecessarily sacrificed himself and caused Ladybug to be angst about it.

WHAT IS UP WITH CHAT NOIR BEING HAPPY ABOUT SACRIFICING HIMSELF?!?!? AND DO NOT SAY ITS BECAUSE HE TRUSTS LADYBUG!

Yes Ladybug. Chat is crazy. And also crazy for you. And you are right about the crazy unconscious part. My Ladynoir heart!

ShadowMoth almost won until Fang bit off the charm bracelet. Thanks Fang!

Chat backing away from Fang licking him is a mood.

My favorite Ladynoir moment of the evening: Ladybug telling Chat to stop sacrificing himself and Chat saying she likes her adorable angry face. Her smirk afterwards.. And then their pound it.

But no seriously Chat. You need to stop doing that to Ladybug. She cannot take it anymore

Plagg said that even if Adrien loves someone else, he is likely to go back to Ladybug. Just like he goes back to Camembert. Seriously, despite his cheese analogies, he gives great wisdom.

Not Kagami almost beating up Adrien during his fencing lessons. And Mr. D'Angercourt notices this too as he stopped Kagami's final blow.

Also, isn't it illegal in fencing to push people? Oh boy.

And there's the Adrigami breakup scene: Adrien telling Kagami that he enjoys their time together and Kagami knowing their is sincerity in him. It is sort of unclear who actually ended things when Adrien asks if they could still be friends, but Kagami ends it all by saying that she will let him know once she can face him again. Ouch.

Adrien is hurt and stares at the lucky charm bracelet with what looks like sadness. Once again ouch.

Like Lukanette, I want to see Adrien and Kagami be happy together at least until halfway through this season. The issue is that it will hurt them more in the end.

Also, I noticed the difference between Luka and Kagami when ending their respective relationships. It hurt them both, but Kagami was more forward about it and Luka was somewhat passive. It could be based on what they know about their now exes (Luka knew that Marinette had feelings for Adrien and was not secretive about it even when they were together if the truths her friends said and the opening scene to this episode reflect this, whereas Kagami only has a suspicion and Adrien does not say anything regarding to it.

Also, I really did not like how the breakup on this end resulted in. While more realistic for a lot of people, it did not help that it involved Kagami as there are people who will go after Kagami after watching this episode, and I believe that the writers know this. Kagami is a good person who has a different response to the trust issues and lack of communication, as well as lies in their relationship. Not saying its a perfect one, but an understandable one. In conclusion, don't trash Kagami, especially if you saw this coming.

I take back what I said before; this is my favorite Ladynoir scene. I want to hug them both because they have to lie and keep secrets from everyone, even have some secrets between themselves! But at least they can trust each other! Excuse me while I cry over how much we are being fed. Also, the fact that they broke up with their respective partners makes this both heartwarming and heart breaking.

Overall, this episode is just as good as Lies! It is the first fully Adrien-centered episode, which makes this a first and already exciting. While I did not like how their breakup was handled, it was realistic and showed that honesty and communication are important. Also, can my children be happy together for longer than an episode??? I swear, their pain hurts me.

But at least Ladybug and Chat Noir have each other's company to get them through. May us Ladynoir stans continue to be fed!

[megumisbimbo]

- Four -

megumi fushiguro x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

summary: (y/n) was nothing special. A human being who had no idea that curses walked the same earth they walked. But then they locked eyes with Megumi Fushiguro. Can Fushiguro focus on the task ahead or will he be distracted by the king of curses and his new love interest?

series masterlist

©️ @megumisbimbo — all rights reserved. Please do not repost, modify or translate my work. Reblogs and likes appreciated!

Credit for the main storyline and characters goes to Gege Akutami.

tags: @xreemie @kitkozume @noyakura @vanilnya20​ @tobi--o​

the songs are indicated throughout the story at certain points!

songs used:

put your records on - ritt momney

who dat boy - tyler the creator

goodbye - billie eilish

— put your records on - ritt momney —

(y/n) pov:

It was early in the morning when you were woken up by the sound of rustling. You turn and see Fushiguro frantically getting himself together.

“New mission?” You ask, voice deep and scratchy.

“It was a bit of an emergency, sorry I can’t stay today. But the rest of the sashimi is in the fridge.”

“I’ll be fine Megumi, I promise. You shouldn’t worry so much you’ll get wrinkles.” You say, causing him to let out a small chuckle.

“Are you ready to leave yet?” You ask

“No not yet.”

“Then can I play with Kou?”

Megumi gives you a puzzled glare.

“Kou?..”

“Your white dog. I named it Kou! Isn’t it cute!?”

“You shouldn’t get so attached to them you know.”

“Yes yes I know. Now can I play with it?!”

Megumi smiles and summons his white dog, who he noticed has taken a special liking to you. As much as he knew it would be a bad idea for you to get so attached to his shikigami, he couldn’t help but feel all warm inside when he saw you laughing. He finished getting ready and him and his white dog make their way out the door bidding you goodbye. You stare out the window again, noticing that you tend to do that often. Well you didn’t want to sit around all day bored as hell, so you decide to watch a movie on Megumi’s television and finish the sushi from the day before.

Megumi pov:

They looked so cute playing with my divine dog, how could I say no to that face.

“Snap out of it Megumi.” Nobara says waving her hand in front of my face.

“Were you even paying attention?”

“Of course I was.” I respond, slightly irritated.

“Thinking about (y/n) again?”

“WHA- WHY- WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT??” I say, startled by her question.

“I don’t know. Just a hunch I guess.”

Itadori walks outside and greets us with a smile. Reminds me of their smile...stop it Megumi you’re going insane.

Ijichi-san’s black car rolls up beside us and we step into the backseat. He drives us to the Juvenile Detention Center in West Tokyo. We step out of the car and walk towards building two.

“Our windows confirmed a curse womb approximately three hours ago. Five inmates are currently trapped inside along with the curse. Curse wombs that grow and change shape can be expected to become a curse close to that of a special grade. You are not to engage.”

I know that a curse of special grade ranking should be dealt with by a special grade sorcerer. Where is Gojo-sensei?

“Satoru is currently on a business trip.”

Of course.

A woman comes running towards us, stopped by the gate guards.

“Is Tadashi...my son. Is my son ok?!?”

I turn and see Itadori’s face turn pale. He needs to stop letting his feelings get involved.

“We cannot disclose any more information at this point.” One of the guards explains.

“Fushiguro, Kugisaki. We have to save him.” Itadori says.

“Of course.”

Ijichi-san lowers the curtain and I summon Kou.

“If it gets close, Ko-... my dog will let us know.”

“Let’s do this.”

— who dat boy - tyler the creator—

We walk into the building and are immediately caught off guard. The whole place is a maze. I turn around looking for the entrance.

“Damn. Where’s the door?”

Kugisaki and Itadori panic but I explain that Kou would be able to sniff it’s way out, since it remembered the scent of the entrance.

“You’re so reliable Fushiguro.” Itadori says with a smile, a familiar glint in his eyes.

He reacts the same way (y/n) does. They really must be close.

We walk deeper into the maze and find the work yard where the curse had first been seen. A mangled up body lay across from us. Itadori walks up to the body and pulls on the shirt he was wearing.

Tadashi Okazaki

“Is it that woman’s son?” Kugisaki asks.

“We’re bringing this body back. His face isn’t that messed up. She won’t be satisfied if we just tell her that her son is dead.” Itadori responds.

I grab onto his uniform and pull him away from the victim.

“Leave him. We have to confirm that the other two are dead.” I say, knowing exactly who this man is.

“Everytime we look back the path is different. How’re we gonna get back here?” Itadori responds.

“I said leave him. I never said we were coming back. He’s not even worth saving alive, why would I save his dead body.”

Itadori grabs onto the collar of my jacket.

“What’re you talking about?” He says, anger laced in his tone.

“This is a juvenile detention center. I read about what he did to get in here. He was driving without a license and hit a girl who was walking home from school, and that was the second infraction. I know you want to save everyone, so they can die a natural death, but who’s to say that someone you save won’t kill someone else in the future?”

Itadori looks at me with a blank stare. Anger festers within him. I can feel his energy shifting.

“THEN WHY DID YOU SAVE ME!?”

I...can’t answer that.

Kugisaki’s voice tears us away from each others stare.

“Knock it off you two! This isn’t the time or-“

Her body being sucked into a hole on the ground cuts her sentence off. We both stare blankly at the spot where she was standing.

No way.

“There’s no way...my divine dog would have-“

I turn around and see Kou’s head sticking out of the wall. Completely dead. My heart sinks. (y/n).

“Fushiguro!”

I turn towards Itadori, fear building up inside me.

“Run! We’ll find Kugisaki after we get away-“

My words are cut off by the immense amount of cursed energy I suddenly feel beside us. The special grade.

I can’t move. Neither can Itadori...I think.

Itadori suddenly swings his slaughter demon upwards in hopes of at least wounding the special grade. It proves absolutely futile when both the slaughter demon and his hand fly through the air landing a few feet away from us. I look back at Itadori and find his arm gushing with blood.

We’ve lost.

“Fushiguro. Run. Find Kugisaki. Let me know when you get out of here.”

“I’m not leaving you behind!”

“Fushiguro...Please...”

My heart sinks as I see Itadori’s pleading smile. I know he’s strong, but he’ll die if I leave him with this curse.

Wait.

I nod and find my will to move. I run as fast as I can through the building desperately searching for Kugisaki, my black divine dog leading the way. I finally reach her and, using my frog shikigami, pull her away from the curse that was holding her. We both manage to escape from the building. I drop her off with Ijichi-san, and my divine dog lets out a howl, signaling our escape.

Please let him make it out.

Ijichi-san explains that he’ll take Kugisaki to a doctor, and insists that I come along with him. I refuse and opt to wait for Itadori outside the building. I ask him if he could do his best to bring a sorcerer higher than a grade one when he returns. Although it isn’t likely he will, he agrees and drives away with Kugisaki safely tucked in the backseat.

I wait for what feels like ages. Suddenly, I notice the expanded dormitory has disappeared, which means the special grade curse has died.

Now if Itadori would just come back.

My thoughts are interrupted by a familiar sinister voice.

“If it’s about him, he’s not coming back.”

My whole body tenses up at the sound of that demon’s voice.

“Don’t worry, I’m in a good mood right now. Let’s talk.”

Where’s Itadori? He should have switched back by now.

“He seems to be having some trouble, but it’s only a matter of time before he’ll switch back. So I thought about what I could do in the meantime.” Sukuna says, an evil grin creeping across his face.

I watch as Sukuna buries his fist inside Itadori’s chest and rips out his heart. My eyes widen as I watch him hold Itadori’s still beating heart in his hand.

“I’m taking this brat hostage!”

He can live without the heart but...Itadori can’t. He’ll die if he switches back.

“Itadori will come back, even if his death is the result...that’s just the type of person he is.” I say, my heart racing.

“You think too highly of him. Just a while ago he was so scared while on the verge of death. He was a mess you know. Talking about (y/n) and why he’s sorry and how he’ll miss them. How pathetic.”

(y/n). Dammit.

My mind is racing as I stare at Itadori’s body, covered with tattoos and gushing red hot blood.

I’ll try and make him restore Itadori’s heart before he comes back by convincing him that he can’t win with a heartless body. I have to. But is that even possible? For someone who couldn’t even move in front of a special grade curse. Doesn’t matter. I’ll do it.

“I’m finally outside, Let’s make use of this space!”

I quickly summon Nue to fight Sukuna. Although I’m using my shikigami, I’ll fight him myself as well. I think I manage to land a blow, but it’s quickly blocked.

“Put some more curse behind your blows!” Sukuna says before punching me in the face.

I summon my Serpent and with the help of Nue, I manage to restrain Sukuna.

“Don’t give him a chance!” I yell to my shikigami, hoping that I’d be able to hold him long enough to land a critical blow.

I watch in shock as Sukuna rips my Serpent apart, freeing himself. Without a second to think, I find him grabbing onto the back of my shirt, flinging me into the air. He follows me up into the sky and hits me hard against the back of my head. I fly aimlessly through the air, but Nue scoops me into its wings and softens the blow of the landing. I turn and pet it’s head.

Nue is at its limit. I have to undo the spell before it’s destroyed. I carelessly used my shikigami and now my Serpent and Kou are both destroyed.

Sukuna lands in front of me.

“Your shikigami use shadow as a medium, don’t they?” He asks.

“So what?”

“Hmmm, you don’t get it do you?

I give him a questioning look, still disoriented from the beating I just received.

“What a waste of talent...in any case, I’m not going to heal the brat. He’s not even worth fighting for.”

“Well I save people...unfairly.”

I let out all of my curse, allowing the blue tinted energy to flow through and around me.

“You’re going to get fired up now? That’s good! Well then. Entertain me Fushiguro Megumi!!”

I begin reciting a chant usually done by shinto priests that is believed to summon the dead. Also known as “The ten sacred treasures.” My thoughts are spinning, disorienting me more.

(y/n). What would they think of me? How could I face them if I lose Itadori.

— goodbye - billie eilish —

I stop, realizing the only way to win is to pull Itadori out of his own head, no matter the cost.

“Itadori, I know you can hear me. I didn’t have any logical reason to save you and (y/n) back then. Even if it was dangerous, even if they are a liability, I couldn’t watch good people die. I had some doubts but... ultimately I made a selfish choice driven by my emotions. But that’s fine. So to answer your question...I saved you because...because I’m not a hero. I’m a sorcerer. I never regretted saving you two. Not even once.”

The tattoos on his body begin to fade, and Itadori’s face resurfaces.

“I see...You’re smart Fushiguro and I think the way you live your truth is right. But I don’t think I’m wrong either.”

Itadori’s chest gushes blood and his body becomes limp.

“Ah, it’s almost time for me... Kugisaki and Gojo-sensei...I guess I don’t have to worry about them anymore. Live a long life Fushiguro, and tell (y/n)...I...love....the-“

His body hits the ground creating a puddle of blood. Tears form in my onyx eyes.

I have to go home to (y/n)...what will I tell them. I’m sorry (y/n). I couldn’t save him.

[minghaocouture]

Pairing: Lee Jihoon x Fem!Reader Genre: Collage AU, Fluff, the tiniest angst Warning: Minor self esteem issues (from reader), Language WC: 2.9K

A/N: @woozisnoots​​ my sweetie baby! This is your Holiday gift from me!! I wub yoooou and i hope you like this <333 The song mentioned in the fic is Tell me you love me by Bolbbalgan4 and i actually just kept listening to it on repeat while writing this lol, it’s such a cute song, and all the italic words are song lyrics (the english translations)! Also yes i shamelessly name dropped our friend group in this, don’t judge me

“You don’t accept my hi as usual I know you’re popular and handsome  but you’ve always given the cold shoulder Only to me.” 

The lyrics flowed easily from your lips and into the microphone, eyes closed as you felt the vibes of the chorus and attempted to put the right layers of emotion into the song as you did so. The instrumental paused just as the chorus ended you heard the familiar sound of your partner through the headphones.

“Can you run that one more time. Hold that last note a bit longer, and make the staccato in the first beginning a bit sharper.” On the other side of the glass sat Lee Jihoon, and the brains behind the operation despite this being a partnered project. At the beginning of this, you never would have thought that the two of you would have been working together so well. Not with how the project began. 

You gave him an affirmation of your understanding and he began from the end of the pre-chorus, letting the melody and his test vocals fill your ears just before you began again.

When you had first been assigned partners, you were less than enthused. Sure, you had a major crush on Jihoon, his passion for music inspired you and you always loved watching him in class when he would perform. But, he was notoriously a rather critical partner. During the last partnered project in class a close friend of yours, Binu, had been assigned to work with him. She ended up confessing that she didn’t really get too much of a say on anything and that Jihoon did the project mostly by himself. Needless to say, she was much happier with this project being partnered with your mutual friend Mar. 

The recording session wrapped up nicely and you began packing your things as you realized how late it was in the evening and your friends would start to get concerned if they didn’t hear back from you. So you pulled your phone from your bag and quickly messaged your group chat to let them know the situation. As you went to place your bag over your shoulder you heard the familiar sound of a stomach growling.

Your eyes quickly scanned the room and watched Jihoon sigh and sit back down at the recording booth, his laptop still open but he didn’t look like he had any intention of leaving to get sustenance. Much to your own surprise you decided to speak up.

“Hey, I was planning on grabbing some dinner. Did...you wanna come too? We’ve been here for a while and we could probably use some food.” You suggested, an inviting smile plastered itself onto your face. You hoped it didn’t seem fake, after all you had invited Jihoon to eat before and he had always denied the offer. 

Much like all previous times, you saw his rather small head shake in denial.

“Nah, I’ve got some stuff to finish up here. I’ll probably grab something before heading back to my dorms...or maybe I’ll ask Mingyu to pick me up some dinner.” You’d heard about Mingyu before, his roommate who he says he tolerates but you can tell that he does really care about the guy from how he talks about it. 

Most people say that Jihoon is hard to read and closed off, but you know they’re wrong. He just...emotes differently, he has his own ways of showing affection and you can see it in his eyes and the little things he does and says. Being around him like this has honestly only made your crush worse. 

“Well, alright, but you better eat something and go home tonight. I don’t wanna come back here tomorrow and see you in this same outfit cause you haven’t gone home.” Which...had happened on more than one occasion during this project.

He shrugged, not turning back to face you.

“I brought extra clothes this time.”

***

“Seriously? I can’t believe he said no again! Ugh, I hate him and you deserve better than to pine after that short stack!” Rolling your eyes as you listened to Krys ranting once again. 

Since Jihoon refuted your invitation you decided to invite out your best friends. The 5 of you heading to a nearby fried chicken place, crowding into the booth that your friend group had basically claimed (when it was available at least) 

“It’s fine Krys, he’s just really into his work. He’s probably going to be in the studio editing until all hours of the morning.” You explained before shoving some of the complimentary salad into your mouth as you took a break from the chicken itself. “I might even take him some food before I head back to the dorms.”

“Nu-uh! I’m not letting you! That boy doesn’t even talk to you outside of class, he doesn’t deserve your time or your energy!” Krys exclaimed.

“I mean, he kinda does. Talk to her, I mean he waved at her last week.” Maya brought up in between her unsuccessful attempts at stealing the rest of the table’s pickled radish. “We were walking to the lounge and she saw him and waved at him, and he finally waved back.”

“Oh what, after ignoring her for a whole semester? Real nice of him. My best friend deserves better!” She declared, aggressively taking another bite of her chicken before continuing. “If I weren’t already dating the best man in the whole world, I would just date you myself.”

This brought the rest of the table another fit of laughter. It was never a dull moment in your friend group and you were always grateful that you had them in your life. 

“This just in, Krys won’t leave big dick Wonwoo so her best friend can have a good relationship.” Mar joked, cackling at the thought. The laughter seemed to get worse when she realized that Wonwoo himself had just walked up to the table to set down a drink refill for Binu. The male’s face was flushed red, obviously having heard the conversation. Which prompted another round of joyful laughter from the group.

It was a good night, but your mind still drifted back to Jihoon, who was most likely still sitting alone in the studio, hungry yet still hard at work. As the conversation drifted away from you finally, you got Wonwoo’s attention and ordered a small meal for take out with a plan to deliver the food before returning home. Even if Krys would give you shit for it.

***

“Jihoon, it’s me” You knocked on the studio door as you entered, assuming you wouldn’t be interrupting anything since you saw the light on but heard now sounds from inside. Surprisingly, or rather unsurprisingly, you got no response as you entered. Simply making your way in despite any acknowledgement.

The more surprising thing was what you found once you entered. There, still sitting in the rolly chair with his head firmly planted on the desk in front of his work laptop was Lee Jihoon. Fast asleep, small snores leaving his frame as he dreamed. It would honestly be pretty cute if it weren’t for the fact that you knew this was probably happening because of how much he overworked himself. 

You let out a small sigh, placing the bag on the small coffee table in the room (you didn’t want to set it on the desk with all the equipment) and grabbed his jacket that he had tossed onto the nearby sofa before draping it over his shoulders. You couldn’t really do much more for him without lifting the male up and transferring him to the couch, and you were pretty sure he would wake up if you even attempted that. 

“Night Jihoon.” With that final goodbye you exited the room and returned back to your dorm to get some homework done for a few of your other classes.

It was about 2:30 the next morning when your phone vibrated, indicating a message. Sparing a glance to the device you read the familiar name ‘Lee Jihoon’ as the sender. The message was no more than a simple “Thank you.” but that was good enough for you.

***

As you expected, even being the harmony vocals for the song Jihoon’s talent far outshined your main vocals. You weren’t upset or anything, but you were definitely starting to regret letting him talk you into the main vocal position for this project. You didn’t even really have any commentary to or feedback to give him. His voice fit the song perfectly and you could feel the emotion in his words as he sang. 

When he exited the booth and took a seat on the sofa to take a break you spoke up.

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be the one leading the song?” You questioned, head tilted to the side a bit as you watched him gulp down a bottle of water. Your words took him off guard and he fixed you with a rather confused look, so you continued. “I mean, you have such a great voice and I really think you capture the emotion in the song better than I do. So like…”

“What are you talking about?” He cut off your ramblings before you could continue, his eyes staring intently into your own. “You have an amazing voice, I’m literally blown away anytime you step into the booth. It’s part of the reason I was glad we got partnered for this project.”

It was almost as if your brain had short circuited, you didn’t know what to say. He had never spoken about your singing like that before, much less admit that he was...glad you were his partner. A part of you worried that he was lying just to spare your feelings, but the logical part knew that Jihoon wasn’t someone who would waste the energy to do that. 

“Let me put it this way,” he began again. “If I didn’t think you were doing a good job, if i thought your vocals would get us points docked off, then I wouldn’t have let you sing the Main. Got it?” His gaze seemed to pierce right to your very soul and you couldn’t find it in yourself to argue back and decided to just take his word for it. So you simply nodded a response.

It seemed that Jihoon wasn’t done surprising you tonight, as a smile so tender made its way onto his face. Your heart skipped a beat as you looked into his eyes, you could feel the heat rushing to your face and you prayed that he couldn’t hear the loud throbbing of your heart as he watched you. 

The moment was soon broken by the loud blaring of a familiar pop song, Jihoon’s face dropping at the sound. He quickly grabbed his phone off of the coffee table and put it up to his ear. You decided to be polite and at least try not to listen in, pulling out your own phone and messaging the group chat to see what was up.

“What do you want, Mingyu?” He began, definitely sounding more irritated than before he had taken the call. You couldn’t hear the voice on the other end but from the gumbling that left Jihoon’s lips you wouldn’t have been surprised if his roommate was pushing his buttons for whatever reason.

“No. I’m not and you need to stop asking. I’m working right now.” He paused for a moment, his voice lowering to almost a whisper as if that would make you unable to hear him. “Yes, she’s here too, so stop asking. Mingy-” He groaned as the male on the other end seemed to cut him off, you weren’t too sure with what but now you could vaguely hear the loud voice of his roommate on the line and couldn’t help laughing softly. The sound causing Jihoon’s eyes to flicker over to you, causing your heart to skip a beat as you quickly tried to make it seem like you were just laughing at something on your phone. 

“Shut it. We’ll talk when I get home...yes i’m coming back tonight!” With an irritated sigh, Jihoon ended the call. You weren’t sure he gave Mingyu any time to give a farewell but if you were being honest the conversation had been pretty amusing. 

Setting his phone down on the couch, Jihoon let out a sigh and ran a hand through his thick black locks. A silence falling over the two of you as you typed away on your phone, trying not to make eye contact again. You were so engrossed with your act you didn’t even hear when Jihoon stood from the couch and made his way over to the chair you were currently occupying. 

“Before we call it, could you re-record from the bridge to the end. When I was editing it last night there was some feedback so I wanted to get a better recording.”

“Oh, um yeah sure!” You weren’t sure why he hadn’t mentioned that before, and you didn’t recall hearing any feedback from your vocals when he was recording. But still, you took him at his word and entered the small recording booth once again. 

“I’ll start from just before the bridge.” He said over the speakers once your headphones were pulled snuggly over your ears. You cleared your throat and took a deep breath before nodding and signaling him to start.

“I really like you a lot But do you think we can’t be together? I feel small in my school uniform skirt Looking big on me, Yeah The tall, pretty girls are all around you.  Oh whoa~”

Getting through the bridge you poured your emotions into it. Thinking about your feelings for Jihoon and the longing for him to feel the same for you. Honestly, through this whole process the song the two of you had written was so...cathartic for you. Expressing things you never verbalized, how despite your attempts Jihoon never really spoke to you outside of class but he always seemed so kind when you were working. Or how, because of his looks and his talent he seemed to be surrounded by girls who thought he was wonderful. 

“If you like me, or you love me Just say yes, yes, yes And then I’m your girlfriend And your my boyfriend Tell me you like me.”

The last few chords streamed through your headphones and a silence fell over the room. Just as you were about to take the headphones off you heard a voice come through, the familiar voice of your partner and crush.

“I like you...a lot.” 

You froze like a deer in headlights, almost positive that you had misheard him. Eyes quickly landing on him, watching him through the glass. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but through the tint you could see the soft pink dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears as his eyes stared down at the desk.

“Don’t say anything. I just...wanted to let you know. The reason I didn’t want to sing the main vocals is because I was worried you would be able to tell.” He continued, eyes still not lifting from the table to meet your gaze. “All of the lyrics I added were about you. I just...changed the pronouns.” 

It was unbelievable to think that Lee Jihoon could possibly love you back. He was too...wonderful, and the fact that the both of you had used this song to express those feelings was almost unreal. 

Thinking back on it, on all the interactions you had attempted to have with him outside of class. You realized that he wasn’t ignoring you, his eyes had always met your own but he was just uncertain.  He had lacked the confidence to speak to you despite your obvious interest in him. It made your pinning seem silly now. 

You still honored his wishes and said nothing, simply taking the headphones off and draping them onto the music stand before exiting the booth. Stopping right next to the object of your affections.

“Jihoon, look at me? Please?” Hesitantly, his gaze turned to you and he looked flustered, more flustered than you had ever seen him. “I like you too, a whole lot.” 

Your words had his eyes lighting up, a look of disbelief crossing his face as you continued.

“Could I...would it be alright if I kiss you?” Before today, you had only ever imagined kissing Jihoon. What it would be like had been nothing more than a small fantasy that you thought about, but seeing him nod looking away still flustered, it almost seemed to good to be anything more than a dream. 

Hesitantly, you reached out a hand to caress his cheek, your heart speeding up as he lifted a hand to press over your own. When your lips met, it was like the stars had aligned. 

It wasn’t a perfect kiss, it was shy and soft but the emotion you felt simply from his lips pressing back against your own was enough to cause your heart to soar. It was like two puzzle pieces finding one another how well his lips felt against your own. You decided in that moment that he would get to hear everyday how much you absolutely loved him, he would never need to ask or hesitate again. Cause that’s what kind of love you wanted to give him, and all you needed to do was say it. 

[haikyuuthots]

Jealousy is a disease, but maybe something good can come from it. - K. Tsukishima Pt.3

FWB!Reader x Tsukishima 

Warnings: Curse words , and that’s it? Some angst but fluff towards the end hehe

Word count: 823

Y/n= Your name. During dialogue: Y= you T=Tsukki Ya= Yachi and A=Akaashi 

Summary: You and Tsukishima have been friends with benefits for a while. Both thinking it was a no strings attached situation, both unaware of the true feelings you guys had for each other. What happens when you both experience a bit of jealousy when you guys are seen talking to other people? Will this change the status of your relationship?

author’s note: Hi! this is my first ever imagine, I wrote this at like 1 am and I’m not sure if this is good or not lol. This is the final part, ending is kinda wack but I want to thank anyone who has read this far! If you happen to read, I’d love to hear your feedback, constructive criticism welcome <3

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Speechless. That’s what you were. You couldn’t believe the words that flew out of his mouth. 

“I’m fucking jealous, I couldn’t stand seeing you and him so close, smiling at each other.” -T 

You stared blankly as he spoke, noticing his features become softer and his hands become shakier. 

“Tsukki, I-“

“I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way, I’ll get over it if you don’t. But I couldn’t sit here and pretend  it didn’t bother me  anymore.” 

“I.,. I was jealous earlier too.” -Y

Tsukki stares at you with disbelief, almost like what you were saying was too ridiculous to be true. 

“With that girl earlier, watching her touch you like that, and seeing you let it happen. It made my blood boil. I know I have no right because we’re just friends.” 

He smirked “so you did all this to get a reaction from me, ha.” Well I guess you win, cause it worked.” -T 

“What no! I told you before I just wanted to know where the vending machines were, this wasn’t part of an evil plan or anything. Seriously get that smug look off your face already.” You yelled anxiously. 

Obviously amused “it’s ok. My Y/N was bitter other girls are interested in me. It’s cute actually.” He teased. 

“Oh shut up” you yelled obviously flustered. It’s so weird how he could still find ways to be a tease you in situations like these. 

“You’re one to talk, you’re the one who actually hit someone for talking to me. Looks like my Tsukki couldn’t bare me being swept off my feet by someone else.”  -Y 

Tsukishima’s smile turned into a frown. Obviously irritated with you last comment. But if he wanted to start a teasing war you were sure you’d be the one to end it. 

“I mean if you hadn’t interrupted us maybe something could’ve happened. Akaashi is cute.” -Y 

Tsukishima gave you the nastiest look you’ve ever seen. Anger evident in his eyes. Ok.. maybe it was too soon to go that far whoops. 

“You think he’s cute? Then date him.” He speaks abruptly as he begins to walk away. You quickly stop him by grabbing his  wrist absolutely regretting your previous words.  

“Tsuki wait wait. I was joking, my bad too soon. But you started teasing me first!” -Y 

He stiffens at your touch, becoming more relaxed as you speak. “You go too far sometimes you know but for some reason that just attracts me even more to you.” 

You’re a blushing mess. The moment he said those words you’d fallen vulnerable to the 6’2 blonde boy.

“I like you. I don’t know how or when it happened but I do, and I can’t keep hiding what I feel anymore.” -T 

Your heart rate increases you almost find it impossible to say the following words. “I like you too. I’ve liked you since the beginning.” 

Tsukki felt butterflies in his stomach. His heart had never fluttered as much as it did the moment you said those words and instantly almost as you finished talking you felt his lips on yours. 

This kiss was different than the ones before. Those were sloppier and full of lust but this one was soft and intimate. As he pulled away staring at your eyes, admiring every facial feature of yours as you admired his, you couldn’t help but smile at the moment. Tsukishima was the one to break the silence. 

“We should go. It’s getting colder, wouldn’t want my girlfriend getting sick.” 

Your stomach did flips, and your heart almost stopped. Flustered to the maximum level you never would’ve imagined those words falling out of his mouth so naturally. 

“Girlfriend?” -Y 

“Yeah. That’s what you are aren’t you? Come on let’s go.” -T 

“Ri.... right.” 

“Oh and btw if you ever call Akaashi cute again I’m breaking up with you and breaking his nose.” He nonchalantly spoke as you guys start walking towards the building. 

You couldn’t help but laugh at his comment.  “And if you ever let a girl touch you I’m breaking up with you and dating your brother.” You replied. 

He smacked his lips “you see what I mean when I say you go too far.” He spoke as he began to pout.  

You hugged him as you laughed “sorry sorry, it’s just too easy, you know I love teasing just as much as you do.” 

He felt a bit awkward from your embrace at first, being publicly affectionate wasn’t his thing but for some reason he didn’t really mind you being this close to him. 

“I get it. Teasing you is my favorite thing to do too.” He smiled as he tightened you around his body. 

You and Tsukishima Kei were very different, but similar in ways. Truly an odd pairing but obviously meant to be for one another. Knowing that you were finally together was the highlight of that entire week.

[jtrbluv]

shutterbug | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 4.1k

warnings: swearing, unbearable but relatable tiger parents

request: Jungkook,, one shot,, 38 + 40 please 😊😊 @asiivnc 

“you leave whenever you feel like it.” & “don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

A/N: sheesh, i have not posted in a hot minute! i’ve been trying to work on this single request throughout quarantine and it really only came down to these last few days where i literally had a spike of inspo and drive and well,, ideas LOL. i considered an alternate angstier ending but i am a self-indulgent mofo who doesn’t like to make myself cry even though i’m sure i cried while writing this at least once (maybe twice). there is so much jk content on my blog i wanna set aside more time to write for other members from now on until i’m satisfied! regardless, thank you @asiivnc for requesting this and sorry for the wait luv, hopefully this can make up for it !!

Jungkook was known to be heavily passionate and fully invested in whatever his life had revolved around at that moment. As a film/photography major, as well as a man that just had a strange knack for being naturally adept at whatever was thrown at him, he incessantly poured his utmost efforts into his works. You weren’t any different, as you held just as much significance in his life as the way his serotonin levels would skyrocket as soon as his fingertips touched his precious camera.

Not to be self-absorbed, but you always thought of yourself as his muse. Or befittingly for his sake, the subject of the photo that you would give the title ‘his lover’.

You were so indisputably sure that you loved the boy and even moreso that he felt the same. While being so accustomed to his own nurturing ways and devotion to you and the reciprocated energy on your part, the bone-crushing weight of college hindered all and didn’t give a single fuck about anyone or anything.

Carrying the begrudging burden of having to succeed because he didn’t take the traditional lawyer/doctor career route, was always at the forefront of his mind. Likewise, for fuck’s sake, he nearly got disowned by his own parents and it took him what seemed to be a lifetime’s worth of energy to convince him to just give him a chance. Jungkook was not planning on taking that chance for granted.

Jungkook, being the person he is, was excelling, and his name was beginning to become known in the community of photographers and videographers, and he was finally starting to feel at ease. His parents were even acknowledging his successes to the extent that they were helping him financially with school, which was a huge burden off of his shoulders. And then you suddenly crash-landed into his life and just made his life even more fulfilling and by all means, worth living in.  

He knew it was a bad idea. Distancing himself from you was the last thing he wanted to do. All his parents were concerned about was the fact that you were the only thing hindering him from making it “big”, when turns out, you became the sole inspiration and muse for most of his recent works. So they gave him an ultimatum to either be cut off financially or break up with you. He didn’t understand, because his parents liked you so much and they loved the influence you had on his work. He didn’t understand. He hated it—the fact that he was basically hanging by puppet strings and didn’t have a say in what he did considering the age he was in now.

He also hated the fact that he knew they had good intentions, and were only doing this because they wanted him to be successful. Their idea of true success for his career could only be seen as the financial benefits of being a director or producer rather than being able to just pursue and learn more about the art form that he loves. There was no use of trying to persuade them, so likewise, he did not. But why get her involved into this mess too?

Jungkook tended to stray away from confrontation and hated immediate and unexpected change as much as he acted like it didn’t phase him. He figured the sooner he can gain benefit from his passion, the less dreadful this dilemma would be. Less mess. Less stress. More time to be with you. That was the intended plan.

His next course of action was to score a film internship and potential job at the rather famous, Fox Studios. By doing so, would have to win the statewide film contest— a much larger scale than he had ever involved himself in. The mere thought of him having to showcase his own self-produced work to critically acclaimed film critics made the bile in his system threaten to upchuck onto the lemon-pledge scented floors of his dorm room. Then he remembered and was reminded— by the help of you of course, that he was Jeon Jungkook, and everyone knows that Jeon Jungkook does not like to lose.

-

He presumed that keeping up his grades would give him more credibility to getting the internship as well, so he put more focus onto his schoolwork. The remainder of his time was dedicated to exploring his potential ideas and storyboarding out his options and what would be most effective and most consequently— worthy of winning first place.

During this very strenuous time for the poor man, you would most likely see him trudging down the halls, hair in a complete disarray or simply hidden by the fabric of his hood, his eyelids threatening to close shut almost as if it’s taking all his willpower to keep them open, chugging down another red bull with one hand while he grips the strap of his backpack with practically no energy.

I mean you thought it was kinda cute at first, but his apparent deteriorating state mostly caused you to be more concerned than anything else.

In hopes to not hinder his creative flow but still keep his health at par, you would stop by every so often to give him food and give him reassurance—he never needed it so much until now.

Jungkook never told you about the irrational ultimatum his parents had given him. He came to the conclusion that it’d be unnecessary as long as he was able to carry out his plans. Nonetheless, the pressure of the whole situation was getting to him. The love of his life, passion for working with a camera, his parents’ disapproval, and just the own personal dream to be able to tell everyone that “Fuck you, I told you I could do it, and I did,” enveloped his whole mind these days.

Time had proved to not work in Jungkook’s favor. Two weeks passed in a mere blink of an eye leaving him with only two more weeks to finish his film in time for the film contest. This time around, he decided to choose a topic that resonated more with his own personal life. The film revolves around the struggle to be able to conform to the standards and expectations that society implements onto young people, whether it’d be from mainstream media or direct connections, like family. Typically, he stuck a title onto his projects after fully completing it, but for some reason, this time, it had worked in reverse. The title itself suddenly popped into his mind one day and from there he was able to garner ideas from it. And so the title was ‘Moulded’.

A very risky step on Jungkook’s part was what you initially thought when he first told you the idea. He knew that too, which is why he did it. You knew him long enough to be aware of the influence his parents had on his life and their outdated beliefs. You also knew the potential the boy’s zeal could take him, and because of that, all traces of worry left you shortly afterward.

-

Two days. The film contest was in two days. Jungkook was just about finished at this point, constantly playing back frames and adding final touches, rewatching the same parts over and over again until he became satisfied. He leaned back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh, eyes finally averting from the screen of his desktop to the clock on his bedside table.

“Only 9:15?” he muses, realizing these past four weeks had completely fucked over his sense of time, “At least I’m down, color correcting can be such a bit—”

A small jolt reverberates through his desk, interrupting his verbally spoken train of thought. His eyes beeline back to his phone, the contact picture of his mom flashing on his screen. Why would she be calling me at this time?

His brows knit together as he picks up his phone and swipes his thumb across the screen in uncertainty.

“Um, hi mom?” he greets, with the obvious tone of confusion in his voice.

He can practically hear her scoff over the line, “Jungkook-ah, how’s the film coming along?”

“It’s almost done-”

“Are you still with that girl?” she forcibly asks out of nowhere, leaving him dumbfounded to the point his mouth was hanging open in return.

A few seconds pass by as he processes what’s going on. He tightens his grip on the phone at the mention of you as he confesses through gritted teeth, “Yes mom.”

“We had a deal didn’t we?”

He retorted without waver in his voice, “Mom, I’m not a kid anymore.”

“Then give it back. The tuition money,” she affirms without hesitation, “Jungkook, me and your father have done our part. It’s about time you do yours.”

“I’ve done practically everything you’ve asked. I’m doing just fine,” he monotonously states, trying so hard not to implode on his own mother at this point, “Y/N has nothing to do with this.”

There was a short pause, leaving Jungkook in the same state of dejection per usual when he had to talk to his parents, “We just want you to be successful,” her voice softens, using the same line that somehow magically guilt-trips Jungkook every time the words travel to his ears.

He shakes his head in disbelief over hearing the stupid line that seemed to control every aspect of his life, “You say that every time.”

“And we mean it every time,” she interjects, a sigh audibly present over the line, “this discussion is over.”

She ends the call as Jungkook lets out a raspy and guttural groan, slamming his phone onto his desk in frustration with such strength it’d be surprising if the cheap glass screen protector he’s had on it didn’t suffer any damage.

“Kook,” a voice utters softly from the other side of his door, “is everything okay?”

He flinches at the sound of your voice, considering you were just the subject of the conversation he just had with his mom that left him fuming with rage more than anything.

“Can you please leave Y/N, this isn’t a good time,” he objected, adjusting himself in his seat so he’d face away from the door. Even though you couldn’t see him you could still hear the small indication of irritation in his response.

It was more than apparent something was wrong with him, with only two days left until the film contest, you knew he couldn’t manage to keep his guard down, regardless of the stress and turmoil he’d been putting himself through for the past 4 weeks, “Just because you leave whenever you feel like it…” you enunciate, raising your voice loud enough for him to hear your intentions, “doesn’t mean I will.” Both of you knew the last 4 weeks had taken a toll on the relationship, it was only then that he realized how much he’d been putting it off.

The door began to emit tiny clicking noises as he slowly turned the doorknob. He slowly widens the area as he meekly steps to the side, letting you come in as you make your way toward his bed and plop down onto his sheets.

The tension had never been this thick between the two of you, to the extent where it felt absolutely suffocating and unbearable. You had never seen him in such a state of dejection as he simply sat there, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he nibbled on his lower lip, eyes diverting away from yours at all costs. The knit between his brows that would usually derive from confusion or frustration, seemed entirely different this time around. It was as if his mind was full of nothing but everything all at the same time.

You heave out a deep sigh as you finally break the ice, “Jungkook,” you begin, looking up to see him looking back at you to your surprise, “you know I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry for making it seem that way.”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it,” he mutters only to see the flash of hurt in your eyes that makes him divert his gaze back to the floor, “I know I’ve been acting so selfish lately. I’d understand if you felt that way.”

“I hate seeing you like this you know,” you confess quietly, “I know there’s something up.”

His eyes meet yours once again, mouth slightly parted as if he was about to say something, but the silences ensues and he closes the gap once again, resorting back to nibbling the skin off of his bottom lip until it starts to bleed. Your eyes soften as you observe the boy once more. The span of your relationship had naturally led to the two of you being able to open up to one another so easily. You were both able to tell when the other was feeling a certain way and why. It just came with time and getting to know the other person more throughout the relationship. And alongside that was the ability to know when the other was purposely keeping something under wraps—this was one of those times.

“Jungkook”, you whisper just loud enough to catch his attention, which works as he gazes back up at you with all doe-eyed glory, the knit between his brows gone surprisingly out of sight for the first time since you came over. You glance at his bed—emphasizing the void of space next to you on his bed by patting the fabric and peering at the cryptic man, hoping he would get the sign to sit next to you.

Fortunately, he does. He places his hands on the armrests as he timidly pushes himself up from his chair. The chair produces an obnoxiously loud squeaking noise almost emulating the sound of your dog’s dog shaped squeaky toy (counterintuitive I know, but it was a gift from Jungkook himself, the prick). The sound causes you to involuntarily snort as you look away in hopes to hide the smile creeping onto your lips. Too bad you missed the smug grin on his face at your lackluster attempt.

He carefully approaches you as he warily lowers himself onto his bed, making sure he doesn’t make the same mistake twice. He shifts his body to turn towards you, propping his hands at his side. His eyes avoid yours once more, sparing glances at every inch of his own room as if he wasn’t already familiar with the enclosed space.

You pause and calculate your next move, eyes studying the boy’s body language. You outstretch your arm, gently grasping his wrist as you slide your fingers through his calloused palms and twine your fingers with his own, allowing your hands to rest on your knee. His eyes glaze over your connected hands, trailing back to finally meeting your own once again—they had this all too unfamiliar gloss to them, not the usual star-like specks you had been accustomed to looking at. As a few seconds had passed, you spotted the pool of tears starting to brim in the corner of his eyes. Taken aback, you retract your focus to his whole face and how his bottom lip started to tremble, hopeless. Hopelessness was what he was denoting, an emotion you had rarely if never seen coming from the man sitting in front of you.

Before you could formulate any words of comfort, he speaks up, voice brittle and wobbly, “Am I just a failure Y/N?”

“Wha— what? No, how could you ask that? Of course I don’t think you are,” you assert, unknowingly tightening the grip on his hand.

“It’s just,” he drawls out, pausing to think of a coherent way to voice his concerns, “maybe it just would’ve been easier if I complied with my parents in the first place y’know. I’ve been spending all my time and energy fighting it, maybe I’ve just been putting my energy into the wrong-”

“I don’t believe that,” you calmly interject, “I believe that whenever you put your energy into something, you have a reason behind it. You thought about it for a while, it obviously wasn’t something that just sprouted overnight,” you countered, staring off as your eyes land on his workspace, the flashing screen of his computer that reveal his last minute editing as well as the camera you seldom see the man without, “Working with a camera, creating art,” you say while clasping your free hand over the one that you were already holding, rubbing miscellaneous shapes into the back of his hand, “that is what you love to do.”

“I love a lot of things Y/N,” he simply states.

“Hm?” you let out under your breath as you notice the single tear that falls onto his cheek, contradictory to the straightforward tone of his voice you had just heard seconds before. Your body stiffened at the sight of the fallen drop.

“Did you hear me on the phone before you came?” he questions, swiping away the tears that threatened to fall with his free hand.

You take a moment to recollect the moments that preceded until knocking on his door, “No, I just heard a loud bang. It sounded like you broke something.”

“Oh, that was my phone,” he shyly admits while scratching the back of his ear, “there is something I need to tell you.”

You perk up at his sudden willingness to tell you what was wrong. Your body language conveys the signal for him to continue, and he does.

“I got a call from my mom before you came,” he starts, “she was checking up on me, knowing the deadline is coming soon and what not.”

You nod slowly in understanding, “I see, what did she say?”

“You have the right to know,” he mutters under his breath while diverting his gaze back to your interlocked hands. He intentionally grazes your other hand before taking it into his own before flashing you a small grin of reassurance, “The farther I’m advancing, my parents just constantly feel the need to strip me of everything else. You probably knew that already. You also know that I tend to just rebel and find a loophole out of things most of the time. I don’t know, lately, it just seems like they solely care about success and money these days more than my own happiness and wellbeing, and it’s been like that for so long. Anyways, I’ve been prolonging and putting it aside for awhile now, but they threatened to cut me off financially if I didn’t break up with you Y/N.”

A single tear slides down your cheek. You’re at a loss for words and coherent thought. The only thing you muster to say is whatever decidedly popped up into your head first, “W-why haven’t you then?”

The brimming tears began to fall more frequently for you as well as from the eyes of the man in front of you. He releases both of his hands and slides his calloused palms up to your forearms pulling you closer in proximity, “I said it before, I love a lot of things Y/N,” he gingerly reiterates as he swipes away the tears from your eyes with the pad of his thumb before trailing his fingers to your fallen strands of hair, tucking them behind your ear.

“I love my parents, I love working with a camera, but I undoubtedly also am in love with you,” he tenderly professes while sliding down his hand to the crook of your neck, “I know my parents never meant harm, but they have to realize I don’t either. I owe it to myself and I realize that I am capable of obtaining and having everything I want in life,” he wholeheartedly declares despite the tears that continue to run down his face, “ And it wouldn’t be everything I want if you weren’t here with me.”

He renders you speechless, tears streaming freely as he continues to wipe them away. He was much more composed now, wiping away his own remaining tears with the back of his wrist. You, on the other hand, were practically sobbing into his palm, tears spilling all over his forearm.

“There’s a reason why I chose that particular subject for the film, “ he describes, hands sliding down to intertwine with yours once again, “It serves as a testament to my parents, to my peers, to you, but also to myself,” he beams, releasing the hold on your hands as he stands up from his bed, extending a hand out to you.

You unhurriedly grab his hand, as he tugs you to stand up from his bed, leading you to sit in his own seat. He swivels the chair for it to face his computer, stepping aside so you could sit down.

“I wasn’t planning on giving any sneak peeks, but it just seems right to show you this now,” he explains, clicking through the frames until he arrives at his destination and clicks play.

It starts off with the emulation of a glitching tv screen, the audio sounds as if someone was inserting a tape into a DVR. The ‘no signal’ screen fades into the familiar setting of the beach in his hometown. Hues of blue fading into muted shades of oranges and yellows flash across the screen, accompanied by the soft crashing of the waves washing ashore on the fine sand. The camera quickly shifts his focus to what seems to appear as Jungkook being fully enveloped and underneath the sand, his head being the only thing that isn’t submerged. Flashing his signature grin, his arm emerges from the sand as he gives a thumbs-up to the camera, making the person behind it erupt into a fit of giggles. That person was you.

The scene transitions into the city streets of the suburb that was close to the college. You were walking down the sidewalk, enamored by the bustle of the people who lived there as well as the twinkling lights that were draped from building to building. Clips ranging from his family, his friends, him working, and more are compiled and presented as he talks over it. His voice begins to say, “As individuals living in a society where opportunities seem to just be knocking left and right, we all have dreams and desires. Whether they are attainable or not, that’s what makes them all the more worthwhile and exhilarating to find out for ourselves. Society, whether we like it or not, is filled with certain conjectures that they believe can assure us of these dreams and desires, what they’ve made us believe as the path to success. They mould us from the beginning. As kids, we are told to behave well, listen to our elders, go to school, get good grades, and get into a good college. As adults, we deem success as having a stable job that pays the bills, buying a house and settling down, finding the love of your life, having kids, and working tirelessly until we become worn out and old. We have these presumptions about what’s better and what’s not, what is easier and what isn’t. Regardless of how much we get told that we can achieve anything we want to in life, we grow older and life unexpectedly throws more curveballs at you to make you think that it’s not actually the case. Well, as cliche as it may sound, I’m here to tell you that it’s just not true. Do what you want. Do what you love. Be with the ones you love. Cherish these moments. Film them as keepsakes to look back on. So… what’s your story? What are your dreams and desires? What sparks pure joy within you and keeps you on your feet? Break those moulds that have been holding you down. Reach for the moon and the stars. And maybe someday with the right amount of determination, and a little bit of luck, you can get there.”

The video ends right then and there, and you had no doubt in your mind that this was his best work to date albeit only seeing a snippet of it. A smile graces your lips as you turn your head to look at the creator of it all. He looks back at you with the familiar star-like specks in his eyes, making you feel rest assured that within all the chaos, you would both get through it all.

-

-

MASTERLIST

[jisungsmochi]

partners - lee jeno

Jeno x Reader (female) 

Genre: highschool!au / writing partner!jeno / kind of a bad boy but not really / fluff / some angst + also slow burn ish

word count: 6.5k 

note: this will be split into parts, i’m most likely only doing two parts so look out for it soon hehe <3 i also am considering doing a spin off with another member...you’ll see who hehe

summary: being enrolled into an extension writing class had its perks. you got to write about more mature topics, and associate with upperclassmen. but when your teacher pairs you with lee jeno, an unexpectedly brilliant writer, he had you second guessing everything. after all, he was just meant to be your partner, nothing more. 

// 

“new semester! i’m so excited” your best friend, jisung cheers as you both walk past the school gates.

“me too! i cant believe they let me into the extension writing class. they’re all upper class men” you slowly begin to get nervous. jisung rests his hand to your shoulder,

“don’t be like that, you are a good writer okay? they will be so impressed with your work” he attempted to cheer you up. you slowly nodded in agreement, it couldn’t be that bad right?

“and y/n, i thought we were going to try and find you a boyfriend this semester! that peach sweater is not doing you any justice” he teased, poking at your sweater.

“what? i think it’s cute! you just don’t have taste” you roll your eyes at his comment, not noticing that you were walking backwards. and before you knew it, you had tripped. you closed your eyes, knowing that whatever the outcome was, it was going to be embarrassing as hell. but you didn’t feel your body smack to the ground, instead there was a steady pair of arms, holding you up. you kept your eyes closed, unsure of how to proceed. the mysterious figure slightly coughed, signalling they were a lot closer than you thought. you opened your eyes cautiously, turning to face the person who had saved you from an embarrassing fall.

“i-i’m so sorry, my friend and i were just arg-“

“yeah i heard, don’t stress about it” the deep voice gave you a small shiver. lee jeno stood in front of you, in all his glory. he was dressed head to toe in black, as usual. but today, he wore a plain white shirt under his large jacket. he stared back at you, waiting for you to respond.

“ah well, thanks for catching me” you blurted, he just nodded before speaking,

“anytime. and by the way, i think the sweater is cute, peaches” he smirked before heading into school. you were left stunned. you turned back to jisung, who had the same reaction.

what just happened?

//

despite the fact that your strong point was writing, you couldn’t say you were doing particularly well in your other subjects. in conclusion, you were borderline average in everything else, mainly because you didn’t bother putting effort into your other subjects. jisung would badger you about your grades, non stop. he would send you some of his work as an example as well as constantly remind you of due dates. you were satisfied with just passing everything, it didn’t bother you so much.

“jisung! y/n!” you heard a familiar voice shriek through the halls. your other friend, sumi, ran up to you both, encompassing you in her embrace.

“i missed you guys” she pouted, as you and jisung just rolled your eyes.

“you literally saw us like last friday?” jisung teased, you softly nod along with the conversation, zoning out from time to time.

“anything happen before school? i’m sorry i couldn’t walk in with you guys” sumi sighed, as jisung smirked.

“yeah y/n fell on lee jeno” the boy began chuckling, sumi following in suit. your eyes widen, as you smacked jisung’s shoulder.

“i wish i was there, i live for clumsy y/n moments” sumi continues to mock as jisung ruffles your hair.

“thank you for always providing us with quality entertainment” jisung finally jabs before heading off to his next class. sumi ended up walking with you to your first lesson of extension writing. you cautiously stepped into the classroom, observing the students around you. the class divided, half seniors and half juniors. there weren’t that many people who qualified for the class in general, hence the handful of quote on quote ‘gifted’ students. you quickly took your seat, hoping that someone else hadn’t claimed it before you did. your thoughts were interrupted by someone slamming their bag on the desk behind you. you jolted up quickly, startled by their actions. you turned slowly to see who it was,

you have got to be kidding me.

“oh hey peaches” jeno greeted before taking his seat behind you. you didn’t know he was going to be in this class, heck you knew nothing about him.

“i have a name you know, it’s y/n” you respond, watching as his mouth turns up into a small smile.

“i’m jeno. and nice name, but i think i prefer peaches.” he smirked, before you could respond your teacher had just walked in.

“goodmorning class, what an exciting semester we will be having! now, i have read through your papers you all handed to me before the break. please take my criticism seriously if you want to succeed in this class” she sternly announced, beginning to walk around the room. you nervously started fidgeting, your lack of confidence overpowering you.

“y/n, i was quite disappointed with this piece of yours. it lacked a lot of emotion, i couldn’t really figure out what you were saying. i know you are a talented writer” your teacher, mrs kim, explained. you just nodded along, not feeling like anything you could say, would have made a difference.

“i-i’ll try harder” you quickly respond, looking over your paper intensely.

“i hope you will, that’s why i’m giving you a writing partner” you look up at her in confusion, as she diverts her eyes to the boy behind you.

“h-him?” you mumble, as she nods with her arms folded.

“me?” jeno raises his eyebrows before flicking his eyes to you.

“yes! jeno did the best on this task, and you both could learn some things from eachother” mrs kim smiled before walking over to another helpless student. you looked back at the boy, unsure of what else to say.

“i guess we’re partners then?” he mutters, looking over at you.

“i guess we are” you softly nod.

//

after class ended you practically sprinted to find your friends to inform them of your predicament.

“woah what is with you girls and wanting to see me so bad?” jisung mocks once again, resulting in another slap from you and a forehead flick from sumi.

“i got news” you begin, as you all walked to your usual lunch spot. you all sat, huddled together,

“okay spill” sumi demands, as she began eating her food.

“mrs kim made jeno my writing partner” you dropped, as your friends stared at you in shock.

“holy shit it must be like fate or something” jisung’s mouth was wide open.

“no guys please don’t joke! i’m already embarrassed as is! he won’t let go of the peaches joke and it honestly makes me wanna rip off this sweater” you pout, as your friends gently comfort you.

“y/n, don’t you think you’re being a tad dramatic? there must have been a reason that mrs kim paired you guys up! just take a deep breath and focus on the bright side” sumi lets you rest your head on her shoulder and you gently nod.

“thanks guys, i’ll let you know how it all goes” you sigh, moving to another topic.

//

you were seated on the steps out the front of school. students had all dispersed, rushing to get home. you were trying to get in contact with sumi and jisung but your bet was that they had probably caught the last bus. you let out a small sigh, why did your locker have to be so far from your last class?

just as you were about to call your mum to pick you up, you heard someone walk up to you, their figure blocking the ray of sun hitting you.

“hey peaches” jeno greeted, watching as you stood up to face him. he stood on some steps below you, making his face level to yours. he really didn’t want to leave you alone today did he?

“hey jeno” you responded, trying to slyly send a text to your mum.

“why are you here alone?” he questioned, stopping your actions.

“uh my friends caught the last bus without me” you explained, as he just nodded along with your words,

“so what are you going to do now?” you weren’t sure why he was so full of questions, but it did keep you intrigued,

“actually i was going to check out the new cafe in town, wanna come along?” you suggested, watching as he looked at you, confused.

“we can uh start our writing partner thing?” you blurted, now looking at his feet. jeno let out a soft chuckle before pulling you along with him.

“show me the way, peaches” he teased once more as you shrugged his hand off you and continued to walk.

as you both walked side by side, you were discussing the details of your paper.

“so what? i have to rewrite the whole thing?” you softly groaned, arms folded.

“pretty much. here’s a start, what annoys you?” jeno started questioning, leaving you a few moments to think.

“other than my writing partner?” you joked, as jeno rolled his eyes,

“you’re hurting me here” he clutched his chest while laughing. you both reach the cafe, making your way to one of the smaller booths near the back.

“okay to be honest, i don’t really like coffee that much” you admitted,

“why are we even here then?” jeno gave you a puzzled look,

“i don’t know, maybe it will give me some inspiration” you shrugged, jeno just shook his head before heading to the counter to order his own coffee. he spotted a blueberry muffin, opting to buy it incase you were hungry. he made his way back to the table, sliding the plate with the muffin, over to you. you were fixated on your paper, you didn’t notice at first until he let out a small cough.

“how’d you know i liked blueberry muffins?” you smiled, quickly taking a bite,

“i didn’t, i took a guess. seemed like you would like it” he softly smiled before sipping his coffee. you nodded at him before allowing him to read over your paper. he was actually quite helpful to your surprise. he didn’t completely cross out every single line, much like mrs kim. jeno had a way with words, thus making him a valuable partner. you couldn’t wait to work with him again.

//

[two days later]

you were woken up by the ringing of your phone. you rolled over to answer,

“get up sleepy head, we’re all walking to school today. jisung made us late so we missed the bus” sumi’s voice echoed through your phone. you slowly nodded, knowing she wouldn’t see you. you could hear jisung in the background, trying to defend himself,

“will we even make it in time?” you mutter, hopping out of bed and to your bathroom.

“all depends on you, we’re waiting outside now” sumi chuckled, as you quickly hung up. you rushed over to your window and there they were.

god they’re crazy.

you hurriedly attempted to pack whatever you needed, and changed out of your pyjamas. you opted to skipping breakfast that day, knowing that you could steal one of jisung’s random fruit snacks in his bag.

“finally!! the princess is ready” jisung mocks, as he begins to walk.

“what’s his problem today?” you mumble to sumi, trailing behind the taller boy, as he slipped in his earphones.

“he’s just mad at me because i got mad at him for missing the bus” sumi sighs, linking her arm with yours. sumi and jisung were best friends long before you had met both of them. they pretty much ‘adopted’ you into the group when they saw you sitting alone one day in P.E. they always bickered, so you just assumed this was one of their smaller arguments.

“why did you wake up so late anyway?” she changed the subject.

“parents were fighting again. i couldn’t sleep” you sighed as sumi soothingly pats your back. you often chose not to open up much about your parents, but it always felt nice to just finally let out some frustration. sumi and jisung understood you well, they always comforted you when it just got too much.

you pushed aside the feelings, and tried to continue on with your day.

you walked into school, noticing jeno seated near the steps. part of you wanted to go up and say hello, but you weren’t sure if you should. but it didn’t stop jeno from taking notice. he watched as you walked right past him with sumi linked to your side. jeno wanted to continue your conversations for the assignment, but he didn’t feel comfortable pulling you away from your friends. so he waited until you were alone, which coincidentally happened to be after your history class, which was located right next to his locker. he saw you leaving the classroom before he rushes to you. you weren’t aware he was approaching so you both ended up colliding, your butt falling straight to the ground.

“we have to stop meeting like this, peaches” jeno teases, helping you stand. you glare at him playfully,

“you bumped into me! i know i’m not that clumsy”

“it’s okay, it can be our thing” he bit the inside of his cheek softly as you both began to walk together.

“what? us constantly body slamming into eachother?” you raise an eyebrow, as the boy pouts.

“it doesn’t matter! we just gotta have a thing. after all we are partners” he walked with you until you both reached your locker.

“i don’t see that as an obligation, but also don’t take it as a rejection either. we’ll have a thing soon, we just have to get to know eachother better” you smile, opening up your locker to place you books inside. jeno leans against the wall, eyes fixed on you.

“you move fast, peaches. i like it” he chuckled as you softly hit his shoulder.

“you’re overdoing it, you can buy me another blueberry muffin at the cafe today” you smiled up at him, he couldn’t help but smile back.

“don’t you think you owe me for the muffins?”

“but jeno! that can be our thing” you gave him a small pat on the back before walking off to meet with your friends. jeno was left stunned. why were you able to make him speechless?

//

luckily, you and jeno were able to be seated at the same table from last time. he bought another blueberry muffin for you, and another coffee for him. this time you split the muffin, offering him the other half. jeno gladly accepted, munching on the delicious treat.

“have you decided how you want to restart your paper?” jeno begins, sipping on his coffee.

“not really, i’m still quite stuck” you sigh, poking the fork at your muffin.

“hmm okay, let’s start small. how about family?” he suggests, causing you to look to him.

“well i live with my parents, and i have an older brother, but he’s overseas studying” you reluctantly told him,

“is it hard? not having your brother around?” jeno continues, intrigued by the dynamics.

“kind of. i just miss him a lot, he calls me often just to check up on me. but it’s not the same as having him in the house, you know?” you look back down to your muffin. jeno can sense you were getting uncomfortable. he opened his mouth to say something, but closed it when you started ranting,

“you know what’s the funniest part? my parents have pretty much forgotten he exists. i’m over here, missing the hell out of him and they just pretend he was never here” your stomach felt uneasy, holding back all the pain you felt for the past few months. jeno gave you a solemn look, unsure of what to say.

“but he’s their child? they can’t just not care for him” the boy across from you looked concerned. you shook your head,

“they love him. i know they do. they’ve just been so caught up in their arguments and constantly working. the stress has taken a toll on them, and unfortunately, me” you let out. you weren’t so sure why you were spilling your entire month’s worth of journal entries to jeno. but you were glad you had someone to listen to you.  

“i-i’m sorry for putting this all on you-“ jeno interrupts you,

“you shouldn’t apologise. use this emotion. use it to write your new piece” he encouraged, placing his hand on your forearm. it was just a small gesture, yet it made you feel warm inside.

“i think you’re into something” you cracked him a small smile before hitting down the suggestion.

“see, i’m a great partner” jeno chuckles,

“ehh still debatable” you retort, watching as his smile turns into a pout.

“but in all honestly, whatever happens at this table, stays at this table” jeno comforts, making eye contact with you. you nodded slowly, feeling more comfortable with his presence. he was a good listener, someone who didn’t talk back much. but nonetheless, you made a new friend.

//

it was the following weekend. you were sitting at your desk, brainstorming ideas for your new piece. you weren’t sure where to start, so you ended up scribbling down random words on a piece of paper to explain how you felt. you rolled your eyes at how hopeless this process was, opting to just clock off for the day. you called sumi, in hopes she would help take your mind off things.

“what’s up?” sumi greets through the phone,

“are you busy? is anything on tonight? i’m trying to get my mind off this stupid paper” you complain, as she giggles in response.

“i think one of jisung’s dance friends is having a party, i can ask him to pick us up?” she offers, as you nod your head.

“see you soon then” you hang up the call, rushing to your closet to throw on a plain white top and some ripped jeans. finally, chucking on a random coat, you made your way down stairs. you caught your dad, sitting alone, watching the television. you felt sorry for him, it seemed like he was doing everything to make things work. you approached him slowly, bidding him a farewell, telling him not to worry about you much. he just nodded, giving you a small wave as you exited the front door. you saw jisung’s car approach your driveway, you quickly settled into the back seat, greeting your friends.

“jisung, important question” sumi starts the conversation, as jisung pulls out of your driveway. the boy just huffs in response,

“is your friend, jaemin, hot?” she starts to giggle as jisung rolls his eyes.

“why are you asking?” he grumbled, as you just sat back to watch the bickering unfold.

“because if he is, i’m gonna go for it” sumi nonchalantly announces, leaving you with your mouth agape.

“don’t even think about it, jaemin is a hardcore player” jisung tries to divert sumi’s interest.

“screw you jisung!” sumi folds her arms, visibly annoyed at the boy’s remarks. you just let out a soft sigh, it was going to be a long night.

//

as the three of you entered the house, sumi pushed right past jisung, leaving you alone with him. he just looks over at you,

“what’s her problem?” he grunts, dusting off the sleeves of his jacket.

“you were being a bit of the dick to her in the car, maybe you should, i don’t know, be nice to her. she’s your best friend” you shove the clueless boy softly.

“but she keeps trying to talk to all these guys! like they can never treat her well like i-“ jisung stops himself as his eyes widen. you copy his expression.

“park jisung! do you have a crush on sumi?” you tease, poking his cheeks.

“ugh please don’t say anything. i want to get her to like me on her own”

he pouts as you nod. you appreciated how respectful he was.

jisung led you to the kitchen, where a lot of people had gathered surprisingly.

“that’s jaemin over there” jisung points out, strolling over to his friend. you straggle behind, trying not to squish between too many people.

“hey man! glad you could make it” jaemin pulls jisung in for a hug, his eyes now turning to you.

“this is y/n” jisung introduces as you leant to shake jaemin’s hand, but the boy didn’t take the hint, instead pulling you to his side.

“hi there” he smirks, as you just nodded. his attention was yet diverted again,

“jeno!! my boy” jaemin practically yells in your ear, causing you to spring away from

his grasp. you watched as jeno approached the group, greeting jaemin first before giving jisung a small nod. he walks over to you and stands by your side.

“hey peaches” he spoke, leaning down to your ear. you smiled up at him, saying a quick hello. jisung started smirking at the both of you, teasingly raising his eyebrows. you give him a quick death stare before he turns away to find sumi.

//

throughout the night, you had conversed with many new people, a lot more than you anticipated. you saw jisung and sumi sitting outside, hoping they were resolving whatever disagreements they had been having. you were seated the bottom of jaemin’s staircase, sipping on a glass of water. you were just about ready to leave, feeling tiredness wash over you. until, you heard an all too familiar voice,

“hello again” jeno looks down on you, leaning against the wall. you couldn’t help but smile,

“hey jeno” you dramatically rolled your eyes, he slowly pouted once again.

“did you really have to say my name like that? am i really that repulsive?” he acted fake hurt, followed by a soft chuckle.

“fortunately, you are one of the least repulsive people i’ve encountered tonight” you respond,

“i know i’m just a catch” he attempted to wink, but just ended up crinkling one side of his face. your head fell back in laughter, your hands clapping whilst doing so. jeno found the sight quite amusing. there you were again, doing the tiniest gestures, yet he found them completely and utterly endearing.

“moving on! why are you sitting alone, peaches? where’s your gang at?” he asks, taking a sip from his cup, which you assumed had alcohol in it.

you motioned for him to sit down next to you, in which he gladly complied.

“don’t tell anyone, but i’m really tired and i just want to get out of this party already”  you leant close to his ear to whisper.

“yeah me too” he whispered back to your ear, causing both of you to giggle.

“my friends are over there somewhere sorting out their drama” you continued to whisper,

“wait why are we whispering? i can’t hear you too well” jeno pointed out, looking over at you. you paused for a second. it was the first time you had properly seen his features up close. there was no denying he was incredibly handsome.  when you looked at him, you saw his glistening eyes, his plump lips and his full cheeks. you weren’t sure why you were only starting to notice this about him. you shook the thoughts out of your head, noticing how he was staring at you, confused.

“u-uh i don’t know actually” you felt a blush creep to your cheers, hoping the dark lighting in the room would hide it. jeno decided to take matters in his own hands, quite literally. he gently latched onto your hand, leading you out of the house and to the front yard. there was a small bench located on jaemin’s porch. jeno waited for you to sit before situating himself next to you, leaving a fair amount of space between you two.

“is this a better place to talk?” he asked, looking over to you. you just nodded in response.

“have you progressed with the paper?” jeno brought up, trying to continue the flow for conversation.

“uh i was trying today. but everything kept getting clogged up in here” you pointed to your head, causing him to give you another solemn look. he really wanted you to do well, and get this assignment done.

after all, that’s what he was meant to be doing.

“don’t be so hard on yourself, it will come to you when it’s ready. i’m here to help, remember?” he comforted, giving you a soft pat on the back. part of you had wished he embraced you, but it was too early in your friendship to initiate any intimacy.

and just like that, you and jeno talked about whatever came to the tops of your heads, for what seemed like hours. you saw sumi and jisung exit the party, relieved to have found you.

“you okay with taking her home?” jisung asked jeno, your eyes immediately flicking to the boy next to you. jeno has situated himself a little closer to you than before, his arm now placed over your shoulders slightly.

“yeah of course” jeno kindly responded.

“don’t try anything! or we are coming for you!” sumi points at jeno in a playful manner before pulling jisung to his car. you wondered what they were going to get up to.

“thanks for driving me” you smiled at jeno, before standing up. he followed your actions, leading you to his car.

“it’s no problem, we just have to get you home safely” you nodded, before pointing out,

“wait did you drink tonight?” you immediately remembered that you’d seen him drink from a few red cups that night.

“no no, i only drink sprite, i swear!” he puts his hands up in defence, you chuckle softly, feeling embarrassed for accusing him.

“ah sorry for accusing you” you apologised while getting into the passenger side.

“it’s fine, i understand that you would have been concerned, but i don’t drink alcohol” he assures you before placing his seatbelt on and starting the car. jeno had a way of speaking that made you feel instantly comfortable. if you had told yourself a year ago that you’d be going home from a random party with a guy you didn’t know that well, you’d probably slap yourself. but something was different about him. he was inviting, intriguing and a pleasure to be around. you didn’t want this night to end.

//

jaemin’s party had brought both highs and lows for those around you. you and jeno were conversing a lot more often, mainly online and at the cafe. but you had noticed that jisung and sumi were starting to be distant. you didn’t want to pry too much, especially since it was none of your business. they would eventually come to you when they were ready, as you fully believed in that.

[text message]

peaches: jenoooOoo

jenojam: peachessSss

peaches: yeah just wanted to talk, wanna meet at the cafe?

jenojam: yeah okay i’ll race ya

peaches: no fair, you have a car

jenojam: better start running peaches

you rolled your eyes before hurriedly putting on your shoes. you practically ran down the stairs, not noticing your mother waiting at the door.

“and where do you think you’re going?” she sternly questions, you stop in your tracks.

“seeing a friend” you bluntly explained, trying to walk past her.

“which friend?” she continued to interrogate, usually your dad would just send you off and tell you to get home safely, but your mum needed every little detail.

“his name is jeno, he’s from my writing class” you try to explain once again, hoping she’d just take it and leave you alone.

“you’ve never mentioned him before” your mother just didn’t know when to stop asking questions, you eventually opted to opening the front door yourself.

“and you’ve never really been interested in my life before this so let’s both pretend this didn’t happen” with that, you slammed the door a little too harshly for your liking. you took a deep breath before strutting off to the cafe. sometimes you wondered what it would be like if your parents weren’t together. you knew it was such a dark thought, but they weren’t as happy as you had always known them to be. to say you were worried was an understatement. so you went to one of the only people who didn’t make you feel so worried anymore.

//

you entered the cafe, eyes scanning each table until they landed at the back of jeno’s head. you took a deep breath, preparing yourself to not completely unravel in front of him. jeno had already ordered his usual coffee as well as another blueberry muffin, split in half. you took a seat across from him, stopping his movements.

“finally! thought you got lost or something” he playfully teased, pushing your half of the muffin towards you.

“ooo you’re being all concerned about me now huh?” you took a bite of the muffin as jeno almost choked on his coffee.

“lets not get ahead of ourselves, peaches” he responded, cracking a small smile at you. “you didn’t even thank me for the muffin! i guess our thing is ruined now” he softly pouted, which made you instantly smile, how was he doing that?

“ah i’m so sorry! thank you for the muffin, jeno” you rest your hand over his for barely a second before pulling away. it left the both of you speechless for a moment, until jeno awkwardly coughed, trying to change the subject.

“so um how have you been? did you want to talk about anything in particular?” he started, you were pleased he was able to divert the conversation well.

“um well i’m not giving you a full tmi, but my parents have been arguing quite a lot. it makes it hard for me to concentrate. and my brother has finals at the moment, plus the time zones don’t match up well for us to talk. so i can’t really go to anyone about it. and before you point out jisung and sumi, i think they’re being distant with eachother hence my inevitable distancing from them” you groaned after you finished your rant, putting your head in your hands. jeno didn’t know how to comfort you, or what else to say, as a matter of fact. he’d usually just try and crack a joke with you but it seemed like you weren’t in the mood for one at the moment.

“peaches, stop being hard on yourself okay? these things are out of your control. maybe you should tell atleast one of those people how you truly feel. it will give you closure so you can start to feel a bit better” jeno suggested. you listened along to every word, trying to think of the first person who came to mind.

“that’s good advice. thank you again for always listening to me, i really appreciate it. everything is just all foggy at the moment and i’m having trouble staying focused” you sigh, pulling out your journal where you jotted down ideas for your writing.

“how about this, write a creative piece about a child who is experiencing changes in their life that are out of their control? it’s not too far fetched. it’s relatable and you can really dig deep into your emotions, if you’re comfortable” you looked over at the boy across from you, your eyes softening at his expression. he spoke with such eloquence, his eyes practically smiling at you. you felt a small tear form, running down your cheek. jeno’s face turned into a concerned expression,

“oh i didn’t mean to make you upset, i’m sorry, peaches” he frowned as you shook your head.

“no no, you’ve helped me so much, jeno. i don’t know how i can ever repay you for being such a good partner, and friend” you pout at him. he found it completely adorable that you were considering how he was feeling about your partnership. it made him warm inside to know that you thought about his feelings.

“you can thank me by writing the best paper ever and then i’ll take you to celebrate” he shoots you another assuring smile. all jeno knew at this moment was that he never wanted to see you sad or hurt ever again. as long as he saw you smiling, he too felt like everything would be okay. it was silly to put something such as his happiness, onto you. but jeno didn’t care, there was just something about you, he couldn’t get enough of.

//

you spent the following weekend writing, feeling inspiration flood over you. jeno’s idea just clicked so well in your head, it was pretty much impossible for anything to stop the flow at the moment. well, there was one thing. the constant bickering from your parents, tonight’s topic, was about your brother, taeyong. you let out a short sigh, stepping away from your laptop. you reached for your phone, swiping the notification from jeno, aside. you let the phone ring, waiting for taeyong to answer. you were about to end it, until your brother’s tired voice echoed through the phone. you could tell he had just woken up,

“what’s up?” he starts, as you hear shuffling around his end.

“is it possible for you to come home, yes or no” you get straight to the point. taeyong is speechless, fully awake now due to your concerned tone.

“you know it’s not possible. i still have another semester here before i graduate” taeyong sighs, sitting up against his headboard. you roll your eyes, frustrated at him,

“that’s what you said during your finals. that’s what you keep saying. i need you here. mum and dad are driving eachother insane and it’s only a matter of time, that i only end up living with one of them” you rant, as taeyong remains silent. jeno has told you to let out how you felt to atleast one person. why not start with your brother?

“calm down okay? mum and dad aren’t going to get a divorce. they love eachother too much. you’re just being angsty” your brother practically scoffs through the phone. you felt even more frustrated that he refused to listen to you.

“just because you got a chance to move away from all this family drama, doesn’t mean you can leave me behind? i’m your sister, taeyong. don’t you get that? you might not see it as a big deal, but this family is falling apart. and you’re not even here to witness it” you let out a final cry, hoping he would finally understand how you feel. but it was just radio silent. your big brother, who had always been there for you as a child, was now off living his so called ‘best life’, leaving you to deal with everything alone. you didn’t want to converse with him anymore. you hung up the call, about to toss it to the side, before you got a facetime call from jeno. you felt some tears that were stained on your cheeks, quickly wiping them away before answering his call.

“hey there you are! i was just checking up, because mrs kim emailed me, saying the assignment has to be handed in my friday- wait were you crying?” jeno immediately halts himself. you just shake your head, wanting to deny the fact that you were. jeno frowned, knowing you were lying.

“don’t lie to me, peaches” he sighs as you end up nodding. jeno doesn’t tell you stop crying or pry to know why you were upset. he just simply asks,

“do you feel like talking about it?”

you weren’t sure how to answer. on one hand you would have loved to let it all out to him, but on the other hand, you didn’t want to burden him with your never-ending drama. you felt bad for him, actually. that he had to sit and watch you suffer in silence. but that’s who jeno was. he always put others before himself. he cared about you like no other person he had met at the school. you were a light in his life that he never wanted to stop shining. he wanted to protect you, and have you let him in. but he knew it took patience and time for you to fully emerge yourself into being more than friends, and he respected that.

“i don’t really want to talk about it. and i’ll have the piece done by friday, it’s okay” you assure him, watching as he just bites the bottom of his lip.

“cafe after school tomorrow?” he offers, trying to change the topic. you give him a small smile before nodding,

“of course”

//

that’s the end of part one!! i’ll be uploading part 2 as soon as i can! please enjoy this for now 🥺 i’m really proud of it!!

[obsidianfr3sk]

The puppet of the sad eyes

Hi! I haven’t posted a one short in a really long time, have I? Jaskdbsj well, um... I had promised this fic to my mom @healing-winston-pratt a while ago, and since yesterday everyone was talking about Winston, I said to myself “this is a good moment to post the fic, Obsi”. So... here I am:’) 

Gosh, I feel akward. I swear I am not like this xjhksfdhds (who am I kiding, I’m just as akward as I seem) (reference not intended) It’s just that... like, there are another characters in the Renegades trilogy that hit me too close home, but Winston just hits me in a place that no other character has done before, and I wanted to write a little bit about him. I mean... not gonna lie, it’s a sad fic. But it has a happy ending! Angst-Fluff as they say in my village (? 

Two quick notes: First, trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse. It’s nothing explicit, it’s just mentioned, but anyways, I want to warn that if anyone feels uncortable reading it, don’t worry, keep scrolling. Second, I tried to tag everyone who reblogged the post made by @chikuyi-hiro (fuck, I can’t tag them), the one where we all claimed to be part of the Winston Pratt defense squad (? I’m sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged sjkdfhskjddsj Also, um... tell me if you would like to be tagged in future works of mine. If everything works out, I will be posting two one-shorts this week (one halloween themed and the other will be my contribution to Osby October) so... if you want to see them or other fics like that, I can tag you:’) 

Well, Obsi, let them start reading, for fuck’s sake.

*le da el dibujito que hizo en el kinder* Hope you like it mom:’)

A03 link

Tag list: @nodrianbcyes @dawniebb  @alecjamesartino @everyone-has-a-nightmare @plain-jane-mclain @honey-harper-official @itsalittlebitchilly @novas-egg-beater @sanktaleksander and all the “Winston Pratt Defense Squad” (?

From the first day she appeared in his life, Winston realized that Nova gave him the creeps. He first thought it was because she was Ace Anarchy's niece, but no.

What gave him the creeps was that Nova didn’t sleep.

Leroy had told him not to comment on it. Winston didn't know if it was because he thought he was going to hurt the girl's feelings or if it was because he didn't want Ace to listen to him and take it as a personal insult. Winston didn't care either way, because it wasn't like he was going to shout it from the rooftops.

It was just an observation.

Nova gave him the creeps.

Maybe it was because sleeping was the best part of the day for him. He could disappear for a few hours into a deep, dark void. Get rid of any emotion he was feeling. No one was going to be able to hurt him, and if they did, he would never know.

Because when Winston slept, it was as if he didn't exist. It wasn’t like he could do it very often anyway.

Not only because now they had to live in a filthy, smelly tunnel. It was also because Winston hadn’t slept well for a long time.

He was lying on a piss-smelling mat Leroy had found in the trash. “If you don't want it, you're more than welcome to sleep on the floor,” he told him when Winston dared to mention that thing reeked.

Winston didn't want to sleep on the floor. If Honey could sleep on pissed mats, so could he.

His back itched.

The mat not only had piss on it, but apparently, it also had fleas. How nice.

He began to scratch his back, feeling like a freaking orangutan. Hettie looked at him critically, dozing from the little wooden bed he had so lovingly made for him.

“What are you looking at, bitch?” he asked.

Hettie crossed his arms and shook his head. In the cathedral, we wouldn’t be like this.

He kept scratching himself. “Sorry to call you bitch,” he mumbled. “You put me in a bad mood.”

I don't like you looking at me. I don't like you to analyze my every move. I don't like you watching me when I'm changing. I do not like you.

Then someone opened the door without knocking. Winston was about to shout “INGRID, GET OUT OF MY TENT” when he realized it was not Ingrid.

It was Nova.

Winston froze with his hand on his back. “Um... can I help you?”

It might be the first time he'd spoken to her directly, after that awkward moment during her second day at the cathedral, when Winston had tried to make conversation with her, and Ace had told him to stay away from Nova.

“I don't want you to do the same to her,” he had told him sternly.

Winston clenched his fists and clasped them against his chest.

It would never have occurred to him to use his powers on her.

But it seemed that Nova had taken to heart not speaking to Winston because indeed she did not speak to him the entire time they were in the cathedral. Before the Day of Triumph.

(What a stupid name for a day by the way.)

“Can I borrow a toy?” she asked in a small voice.

A toy. Nova wanted a toy.

“Ah. Yes, yes, yes…” Winston said, pulling the covers off (which also smelled like piss). “I… I have a lot of toys. Look.”

And he went to the second tent. Winston had to cower slightly to be able to move around there. Honey was always nagging him for his bad posture and he always told her it was the tent’s fault.

The last time that had happened, they were eating frozen pizza in a corner they had assigned for those kinds of times when they sat down together to gobble up leftovers.

“You can't blame inanimate objects for the rest of your life,” Honey exclaimed, losing her temper (for the eighth time that day).

At that moment, Winston felt his blood run cold. For the first time in his entire stay with the Anarchists, he wondered if they knew.

Do you see the marks of his hands on my body? Do you see me tremble at the slightest touch?

Do you see me behind the makeup?

The fear left as fast as it came. Ingrid threw a napkin at him and asked him (very unkindly) to pass her another slice, and Leroy pointed out to Honey that all objects were inanimate.

No one had noticed.

What a relief.

Watch me try it, Honey. Watch me try.

In that other tent, Winston had a pink toy kitchen. He had found it a couple of weeks ago in a garbage dump, and he had brought it to the tunnels by himself, despite complaints from his fellow anarchists. He was left speechless when he realized it was full of toy food and even a couple of blue plates and blue teacups. He spent the entire afternoon organizing his new kitchen, and he was not put off by Ingrid's constant teasing.

He had loved it. And he was sure Nova was going to love it too.

“Look,” he said, “I have everything here—” he lifted a light orange basket “—This is the little basket where I put the fruits, and this—” he pointed to a green basket “—it is the one with the vegetables. I even have a mini pumpkin, it's very cute.” He opened a compartment below the sink. “Here are the non-perishable items. Do you know what non-perishable means? It's... Look, I have a can of sardines. It's fake, of course. Do not try to open it, it’d break. Oh, also in the oven—” he opened the oven door “—I have some cookies, an apple pie, some croissants… it’s that how is pronounced?  Croissants . I don’t know, do you know? Is Artino a French or Italian surname?” Nova didn't reply. Had he offended her?  Shit . “Nova?”

He turned and realized that Nova hadn't followed him. He hurried back to the first tent and found Nova very comfortable sitting on the floor, playing with Hettie.

The puppet looked at her with demonic eyes.

No. Not her.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Winston yelled. “He's mine!” With one hand he snatched Hettie from her and with the other he squeezed the toy croissant. Nova was startled. “Don't touch him again! DO NOT PUT YOUR LITTLE HANDS ON HIM AGAIN, NOVA, OR I DO NOT RESPOND! DID YOU HEAR ME?!”

Nova started pouting, and with that, Winston snapped back to reality.

He looked at Hettie, lazily dangling in his right hand, looking up at him with a smile. His little eyes weren't demonic.

They were sad. Like Nova’s were at that moment.

He was saying , “Why don't you let me play with other kids, Winston? You never play with me anymore.”

I never played with you. Not since he did.

“Sorry...” he mumbled to Nova while putting the croissant in his pocket. “Damn, I'm sorry. Don't tell your uncle I yelled at you, please.”

Nova frowned a little. She looked more embarrassed than upset. “I just wanted to see it. He’s nice.”

Do you think so?

“Yes, but ... he was asleep,” he excused himself, putting Hettie back on his bed. “He doesn't like it when people wake him up. But I see that for you that is not a problem, huh?”

Nova lowered her head. “Sorry…”

“Nah. Do not worry. We are fine. Are we fine?”

Nova nodded quickly. The good thing was she wasn't going to tell her uncle. Ace would kill him if he found out.

It wasn't like Winston cared much if he died or not though. It was just that he didn't want Ace to kill him. It would be a bit embarrassing considering his current condition.

“Would you like to see a puppet show?” Winston asked her.

“Puppets?” She turned to see the wooden bed. “Puppets like him?”

“His name is Hettie.”

“Hettie,” Nova repeated.

Winston found it adorable.

“No, other types of puppets,” he replied. “Puppets I make with this—” he waved his hands in front of her face “—with my little hands.”

Nova wrinkled her nose and gently pushed his hands away, letting out a loud, joyous laugh.

It was the first time she seemed happy since the first day he saw her. How nice it was to hear a child laugh.

Children generally yelled when they were near him.

“I do,” Nova replied enthusiastically. “How will you do it?”

Winston settled down beside her. “Okay, we'll need a flashlight first… do you have a flashlight?”

Nova thought for a few moments. “Yes!”

"Well, go for it!" he exclaimed pointing into the distance as if he were a pirate. "Run, Novie, run!"

And Nova laughed again.

Her laughter echoed through the tunnels and in Winston's head.

He stared at Hettie, listening to Nova's feet pacing through the tunnel in search of the flashlight she mentioned. At one point, Leroy's voice interrupted the sound of her footsteps and asked her what she was doing (in a slightly gentler tone than he used to address the rest of the world) ( very  slightly gentler tone). Nova replied that Winston was going to do a puppet show for her.

“How?” Leroy asked.

Winston rolled his eyes.  How else, Leroy?

“With my little hands,” Winston whispered to himself.

And Nova responded as if she had heard him.

“With his little hands!”

It was such a large flashlight that Nova had to carry it with both hands. Winston moved quickly to take it, but she drew back as if assuring him that she could carry it by herself.

These modern women.

Nova pressed the power button. It did not turn on. She hit the lantern a few times until finally, a yellowish light illuminated the tent like a torch. Winston blinked many times to get used to the sudden change of light.

“You’d be a great engineer,” he stammered. Nova looked at him as if she didn't understand. “Forget it. Aim it over… there,” and pointed to the area of the tent that had a wall behind it.

She obeyed. Winston crawled closer to the stage and wiped the sweat and dirt from his hands on the patched pants he wore.

That sounded so stupid. Stage. It wasn’t like he was going to act or something.

He shot Nova a look. She was expectant.

And smiling. Truly smiling.

That made Winston smile too.

He made the first shadow. “What animal is this?” he asked.

“A moose!”

Another giggle.

Another shadow. “And this one?”

“An elephant!”

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen! And that was a difficult one!”

More giggles. More shadows. “For two hundred dollars more, Novie Artino, what is this animal?”

“It is easy!” she assured. “A goat!”

“Geez! You’re wrong!” Winston exclaimed. “It is not a goat! It's... Cyanide! Because he’s old and stubborn!”

He thought Nova wouldn't laugh. Cyanide was her favorite anarchist, and he knew it. However, that was the shadow that made her laugh the most. And the truth was Winston laughed even more.

“And wait, there’s more!” Winston went on. “Guess this one!”

Nova had a hand on her chin. “It's... it's a spider!”

“No! It's Phobia!”

“Because he’s ugly!” Nova laughed.

“He’s ugly indeed!”  What other shadow? What other shadow?  “And what about this one?”

“A duck!”

“What duck!” Winston laughed. “It's a swan!”

“It's Honey!” she screeched, pointing at the shadow with her finger.

“The one and only, Novie, the one and only!”

One more. A dog.

Nova immediately knew the answer. “Ingrid!”

“YES! BECAUSE SHE’S A TOTAL BITCH!”

At this point, both were laughing so hard they were almost out of breath.

If Leroy or any of the others had listened (which they surely had), Winston wouldn't mind at all if they got mad at him and ignored him for the rest of the week. They could pretend he didn't exist for the rest of his life and he wouldn't care. Seeing Nova happy made it all worth it.

Winston was happy too.

Nova wiped a small tear from her eye and looked at Hettie fondly. “Do you know what my mom did when I went to sleep?” she asked.

“What did she do?”

“She read me stories,” Nova replied. “She said that pretty stories would scare the nightmares away.”

Winston nodded. Probably someone had read stories to him when he was little, he just didn’t remember.

“Could you tell Hettie a story?” Nova begged. “Shadow puppets and everything. That way, he would have pretty dreams.”

Hettie? Dreams? Hettie couldn’t dream. And neither did Winston.

But he didn't want to ruin the mood.

“Of course.” He wiped the sweat on his pants. Again. “Let's see… Pay attention, Hettie. Your prettiest dream is about to start.”

He cleared his throat.

Pay attention, Hettie. Your worst nightmare is about to start.

“Once upon a time there was a rabbit,” Winston said, “that lived in the Land of Rabbits.” A rabbit shadow emerged from the corner of the stage. “The Land of Rabbits was… not a good place to live. There were eagles in the sky—” the eagle replaced the rabbit for a second “—that watched the rabbits, waiting for the first chance they got to eat them. So the rabbits had to hide in their tunnels.”

Nova stifled a comical gasp of astonishment.

“But there was this rabbit—”

“What was the rabbit’s name?”

Winston couldn't come up with a better name. “Hettie.”

Nova nodded in approval. “Did you hear, Hettie?” she asked the puppet. “You and the rabbit have the same name.”

You. You. It’s always you.

Everything always ends up being about you.

Fucking Hettie.

“Yeah, so Hettie was there. Being a rabbit.” Hettie Rabbit jumped happily throughout the light.

“He lived with Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit. They were the Rabbit family.”

“You say ‘rabbit’ a lot.”

Winston laughed, a little more tense than before.

Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit.

Hettie.

Fucking Hettie.

“But one day, Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit had to leave Hettie alone,” Winston continued. “And they left him with their friend…”

Hettie Rabbit became a hungry, violent, and heavy-breathing creature.

It became him .

“Their friend the wolf.”

Him. The wolf. The wolf. Him.

Hettie.

Winston sighed.  Fucking Hettie.

“So… so…”

So. So. So. So what happened?

Nova turned her head slightly. She had the same question.

Winston knew the Rabbit was a fucking idiot. What else happened to rabbits that entered the wolf's mouth? No one told that rabbit to go in there. But that rabbit had no other choice. He had nowhere else to go.

Or maybe he did have another place to go. If only he had been smarter…

“Um… Hey…”

If Hettie had been smarter, he would have warned Winston that when the wolves got too close, nothing good was going to happen to the rabbits.

But Hettie was a jerk.

Hettie. Hettie. Fucking Hettie.

“Winston!”

Her voice was like a needle that broke the bubble that enveloped him for a second.

“Novie?”

“What happened to Hettie?” she asked.

The mere question made his blood boil.

More shadows. The wolf, hungry and dangerous, on top of the rabbit, terrified and defenseless.

Nova was no longer smiling.

“Well, what happens to all rabbits,” he replied. “The wolf ate him. The end.”

The flashlight gave up and went off again.

Finally.

Winston turned to Nova. He didn't expect her to be happy. Winston certainly wasn't.

But he didn't expect to see her furious either.

“What a shitty story,” she spat.

“Excuse you?”

Nova stood up abruptly. Her turquoise pants were as dirty as his. “I said it was a shitty story. It isn’t like my mom’s stories.” She crossed her arms. “Do it again.”

“I won’t. I'm not going to tell another story,” Winston replied, standing up as well. “This is how it ends.” He walked over to her and put his finger on her chest. “El fin. The end. The end of all endings.”

“No!” Nova yelled as she clenched her fists and slammed her foot against the ground. “That is not the end!”

“I don’t care! It's my end!” Winston exclaimed imitating her. “Just like Hettie is my puppet! And I won't let you play with him!”

Nova's cheeks puffed out like a balloon. “Well, I'll play with him anyway!” she yelled, yanking Hettie off his bed. “You don't play with him! He feels alone! He told me!”

Winston tried to grab Hettie, but Nova pushed him away just in time.

It was a six-year-old girl versus a nineteen-year-old teenager. He could just kick her in the face and run.

But for some reason, he didn't do that. “Idiot!” he said taking Hettie’s arm. “Puppets don't talk!”

He tried to snatch it from her a second time. Nova grabbed his leg. “They talk to me!”

“It’s not true!” Winston insisted. “Liar! Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Nova struggled too. “Your pants are on fire! You’re the liar!”

Hettie sided with Nova. You know that this is a very serious accusation, right? Why are you making up that kind of thing? Why are you lying to us, Winston?

Winston Pratt was many things. But he was not a liar.

He would never lie about that.

Why don’t you believe me? Why do you think I’m lying? I don’t want to make you suffer. Why would I want that? Only villains want to make people suffer.

Why would I be a villain?

Why would I be a liar?

He pulled Hettie toward him so hard, he ended up bringing Nova with him. She slammed into his chest and gave a slight groan.

Winston, not quite sure what he was doing, hugged her. He hugged her as he would have liked to be hugged.

When he told his parents the truth of his nightmares, his sleepless nights, and his constant fear, instead of covering him with kisses, hugs, and words of affection, they had called him a liar. Just like he had just called Nova.

He would never lie to them. Not about that.

Winston thought she would run away. He thought that she would also be terrified of any display of physical contact.

But Nova didn't. Nova hugged him too.

And Winston… Winston burst into tears.

Hysterically.

“Why are you crying?” Nova asked, worried.

“No, it's just... it's just...” he said between sobs. “It's just that I'm so sorry I made you angry.”

“I was not angry,” Nova corrected slightly defensively. “I panicked.”

That made him let out another sob. “Did I scared you?”

Nova clung to him tighter. “Yes. Your eyes changed.”

Winston sniffed with her purple jacket. “How?”

“They were... angry,” Nova explained. “Not sad. They didn't look like Hettie's.”

Winston separated from Nova. Hettie was crushed between the two of them. Despite the fight, he had remained intact.

Seeing him was like looking in a mirror.

Winston was not the puppeteer. He was a puppet.

It was Hettie’s fault. Winston’s fault.

Nova was looking at Hettie as well. She took him in her hands and caressed the buttons of the little suit with affection. Winston put his arm around Nova and gently shook her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” Nova replied. “I won’t tell my uncle.”

Winston tried to laugh, but all that came out of his mouth was another sob. “Thank you for your kindness.”

Nova turned to see him. “Don’t cry. Stop it,” she ordered sternly.

He stopped crying. It was like… magic. 

You have balls, Novie. You have balls.

Her expression changed from annoyed to astonished. “Your makeup isn’t ruined.”

Winston stroked his cheek thoughtfully. “It’s… it’s not makeup.”

Nova reached out her hand and caressed it as well. “It's your face,” she whispered.

“It's my face,” he repeated.

She sat on his outstretched leg, looked away from him, and didn't let go of Hettie.

“Did the wolf really eat the rabbit?” she asked.

You and your damn rabbit.

“Really, really,” he replied.

Nova frowned sadly. “Poor little thing…”

“Poor little thing?” Winston snorted. “He deserved it.”

“Why?” Nova asked, very confused.

Why not? Why wouldn't he deserve it?

“Because… he shouldn’t be hanging out with wolves.”

And Nova turned to see him as if he had said the greatest nonsense in the world. She crossed her arms again, and very confident of herself, she said, “But the wolf shouldn’t be eating rabbits in the first place.”

Winston raised his eyebrows.

She was not an idiot.

But that was not how the world worked.

Nova returned her attention to Hettie.

Seeing her there, sitting on top of him, so helpless and confident, made him realize that he couldn't let something bad happen to her.

Not like others had let it happen to him.

“Nova,” he called her. Nova raised her gaze from the puppet. “If you ... if you ever meet a wolf, you have to tell me.”

“There are no wolves in the city,” she chuckled. “But if I do, I'll tell you.”

Winston chuckled too. “No, I mean... a wolf is not just an animal,” he explained. He scratched his back. He fucking hated bugs, really. “A wolf can be anyone who makes you feel bad. Has someone ever made you feel bad?”

Nova had to stop to think about it. Winston felt his heart beat faster.

Finally, she replied, “Honey once told me that I had a terrible accent and she couldn’t understand a word I was saying.”

He sighed in relief. Winston didn't know how he would have reacted if Nova...

If the same had happened to Nova.

“Okay, that's Honey being Honey,” he assured. “I mean... if someone... you know.”

Nova wrinkled her nose. Of course, she didn't know.

It was good that she didn't know, right? Or was it bad?

“Look, for example... We hugged a while ago, right?”

“Yes.”

“And I have my arm on your shoulder—” he raised his arm slightly. “—And you touched my cheek—” he held her fingers “—and right now you're sitting on my leg.”

He moved his leg in such a way that it made Nova jump slightly. “Yes,” she replied with a laugh.

“And is that okay with you?”

Nova nodded.

“I am glad. But if someone ever touches you or puts you in a situation where you are afraid, feel bad, or do not understand... run away. And you tell me, or your uncle, or Leroy, Honey… heck, even tell Phobia or Ingrid. But tell someone.” He put his hands on her shoulders, hoping the despair didn't show in his high-pitched voice. “Don't be like the rabbit.”

Don't be like me.

“But the rabbit didn't know about the wolf.” She stroked Hettie's cheek the way she stroked Winston's a couple of minutes ago. “It wasn't Hettie's fault.”

It was useless. It didn't matter how many times Nova repeated it to him.

Winston knew it was his fault.

But he also didn't want to argue about it anymore. Now he didn't matter. Nova was the only thing that mattered.

Nova was everything.

“Nova. Please, Nova, do you swear you will tell someone if you find a wolf?”

Do you swear you will never be like me?

“My Uncle Ace says swearing is terribly wicked.”

He squeezed her shoulders lightly.

Ace could go fuck himself.

Winston wanted to be certain that she was going to be safe, that she knew what she had to know.

Nova had to know if something bad happened to her...

Winston couldn't speak for the other anarchists. He wanted to believe they would do the right thing, but people kept surprising him in the worst ways. But Winston needed Nova to confirm that she knew that if something bad happened to her, he was going to believe her with the same intensity that others had not believed him.

One thing they had in common was that neither of them was a liar.

“If you swear it to me, I'll let you play with Hettie.”

Her face lit up. “Seriously?”

“Seriously, seriously.”

Nova giggled. “I swear.”

Winston offered his fist and Nova bumped into it.

He was silent, but his mind was racing.

It didn't matter what happened in the future. Winston was going to believe Nova. Forever. Because Nova wasn't going to be like him. And he wasn't going to be like the people who hurt him, either.

“Do you want to play with Hettie?” he whispered to her.

Nova stared at Hettie for a few more seconds. She smiled at him and returned him to his bed with the delicacy that only a girl her age could have. “No. He is already asleep. Tomorrow will be another day.”

And before Winston could respond, Nova squeezed his hand in such a way that she inadvertently pushed him into the void.

Winston fell asleep.

He slept better than he had in a long time.

[pucksslut]

-a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be

summary: burdened by constant nightmares, you force yourself to relive memories, struggling with coping and handling your grief. 

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2,621

warnings: angst, wholeee lotta angst! mentions of some things that could possibly be triggering(depression), grief

authors note(s): my first post on here! any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated! also, feel free to request things for me to write! thank you:) 

...

“Fuck,” you groaned, rubbing the sleep off your eyes as you looked around. The sun still asleep, the moon bright as ever. You cup your face with your hands, remembering the nightmares that consumed you as you slept. Swinging your feet off the bed, you walked to your bathroom. 

“Holy shit,” you whispered, taking a short look at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes bloodshot, the skin surrounding was red, swollen even, hair a complete disaster. 

You questioned if you’d even slept, feeling exhausted as ever. Walking back to your bed, you pick up your phone. Unlocking it, you felt as if your heart completely shattered. Your own eyes betrayed you, boring into your wallpaper, where a once happy couple sat on a bench. Remembering the day that picture was taken, as if it had recently just happened.

…

“Katsuki! You have to at least smile.” You begged your blonde boyfriend, looking at his grumpy face, 

“Fuck that, I’m taking the fucking picture you begged me to take. Be grateful.” Bakugou mumbled, 

“I’m sorry about him, his manners need a bit of work.” You tried to laugh off Bakugou’s rude behavior. The stranger taking the picture uncomfortably smiled. You tried to nudge Bakugou, but he kept the straight look on his face. 

‘There’s only one solution,’ You thought to yourself. Reaching over to your boyfriend, you began to tickle his stomach.

“What the fuck, Y/N?” Bakugou questioned, trying his best to not laugh. Smiling to yourself, you continued your assault.

“Katsu, stop being a stubborn asshole and smile!”

 Finally, you earned a grin on his face. Turning to the stranger, you smiled, signaling for her to take your photo.

“I got it.” She quietly said. You stopped tickling Bakugou, adjusting your shirt, you stood up.

“Thank you so much,” You said, walking over to grab your phone from her, “And sorry for his attitude, he’s a bit of a handful.” You smiled, the woman returning your action before quietly walking away.

“The fuck did you just say?”Bakugou hissed, standing up from the bench. 

“You heard me.” You grinned, walking over to your boyfriend. Grabbing him by the waist, you wrapped your arms around the blonde boy, nuzzling into his neck. You pulled out your phone to look at the photo,

“Katsuki, look how cute we are!” You exclaimed shoving the phone into his face. You could feel the happiness radiating off of yourself, consumed by an unruly amount of love for your him.

“I’m sorry for being an ass.” Bakugou said quietly, looking up at him you asked,

“Is the Bakugou Katsuki apologizing?” Sarcasm hitting him straight in the face, 

“Damnit, I’m just trying to be nice.” He hugged you back, a permanent smile forming across your lips,

“I love you so much, Katsuki. You know that, right?” You asked him, a tone of reassurance in your voice.

“I love you so much more, Princess.” He says, and that line will never fade in your memory.

“I’d never leave you, together forever. Till the very end.” You quietly said, sticking up your pinky finger to him, signaling your signature pinky promise.

“I promise, I’ll stick with your annoying ass” He lovingly coos, interlocking your pinkies together. Your heart was finally complete, like a puzzle aching to be finished.

You loved him, and he loved you. Till the very end.

…

You both had been together for 3 years, and you had noticed that you were to the only person he’d ever treat that way. Allowing himself the ability to openly show his affection around you. Bakugou had never been the type to show how he was feeling, always hiding his emotions deep down where no one could find them, but then there was you. 

No one would have guessed that the hot-headed Pro-Hero could fall in love, but you two were perfect for each other. Somehow, you both to balanced each other out, like the sunlight to a blooming flower, you needed each other. You had proclaimed to your friends that you and Bakugou were soulmates, how he was your everything. They agreed, figuring that you were the only one able to ground him, to turn him into the loving and doting husband no one could ever picture him as. 

Now, what is it you loved about him? What exactly was it that brought you so much closer to the emotionally-detached boy? You see, there were more than enough reasons for you to love Bakugou Katsuki.

You frequently admired him, you swore you could stare at his features for hours. How perfectly is hair would cascade around his face, or how adorable his angry facial expressions were, especially when he would scrunch his nose when he laughed. You noticed everything about Katsuki, and for a matter of fact, he noticed everything about you. 

He was astonished by your beauty, repeatedly telling himself you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He’d frequently tell you about the first time he saw you, in his words,

 “You’re annoying ass wouldn’t fucking leave me alone, but goddamn, you looked absolutely breathtaking.” 

He kept these compliments between you and himself, you were his self-proclaimed “little secret”. As a matter of fact, he would tell you all the things he loved about you; he loved how the front pieces of your hair perfectly framed your face, how you would bite your cheek when you were nervous, or how perfectly your hand fit into his. Everything you did was absolutely breathtaking in his eyes.

You admired him for his strength, how he could continuously get up from a fight and never back down, even if it was an argument, Bakugou always had to be right. This annoyed you of course, but he was headstrong, it was something you wished you could be. You knew him like the back of your hand, his likes or dislikes, what things would make him angry, or what made him smile. 

No one ever thought of Bakugou as the type to settle down. His only intention was to become the number one hero, that was it, plain and simple. As cliché as it sounds, you changed his outlook for him, forcing him to push harder for not only himself, but for you. He fell for you, and he fell hard. Something he could never see himself doing, but low and behold, you amazed him once again.

He was your rock, your blanket when the nights got cold or for when the days got hard. The shoulder you could always cry on, happy tears or sad. The man you could always rely on when everything got too overwhelming. Even when he was being a complete asshole, you were completely and utterly in love with Bakugou Katsuki. 

…

What went wrong you ask?

You didn’t even know that yourself. It was so difficult for you to wrap your head around, you hadn’t even been able to completely digest it yet. Nightmares accompanied you every night, reminding you of what you’d lost.

You often found yourself heavily sobbing, but tonight was so much worse. Heavy cries filling the room. You’d be surprised if the neighbors couldn’t hear it, agitated that someone could be so loud in the middle of the night. Throwing your phone across the room, you fell to the floor, wrapping your arms around your legs and sobbing into your knees.

It hurt so bad. Memories racked through your head.

‘What the fuck went wrong?’ You continuously asked yourself. You swore it’d been hours since you found yourself in this position, your eyes eventually running out of tears. You wiped your flamed cheeks, cursing at how badly your face burned. Getting up off the ground, you walked to the bathroom once again, splashing cold water onto your face. You sat on the toilet, pinching your arm, hoping that this endless nightmare could finally go away. But it didn’t

Throwing on a pair of sweats and shoes, you left your cold apartment. Your throat burned, eyes completely bloodshot. You didn’t know what time it was, or how long you’d been in your room. Your life had been on an endless loop, you hadn’t eaten in days it felt. Friends stopped by every so often, wishing you apologies or an ‘It will get better’. All of it was bullshit. You knew they were just trying to show you support, but you didn’t need pity, more so, you didn’t want their pity. 

You found yourself walking along the sidewalk, hands stuffed into your pockets. The same thoughts swirling around in your head, silently, you begged them to stop. To stop reminding you of what you’d lost. 

…

“You’ve reached Bakugou Katsuki, this number isn’t available at the moment, but leave your message at the beep!” Beep. A woman’s voice came from the phone. 

‘Fuck.” You mumbled under your breath, 

“Hey Kat, it’s me, your wonderful girlfriend! It’s late, where are you? Please call me back, I love you!” You said ending the voice message, worry evident in your voice. 

It’d been hours since you’d last heard from your boyfriend. You figured that he was busy, as he was always swamped at work. Being the number one hero was extremely difficult and all, but he was still always able to make time to call, or at least text the usual, ‘I’m at work. Love you’, but today was different.

You’d made yourself comfortable on the couch in the living room, hoping to hear the door swing open, letting you know Bakugou was home. The TV blared obnoxiously loud through the house, you endlessly flipped through channels, trying to get your mind over where he could possibly be. 

‘What the fuck.’ You mumbled to yourself. It was nearing two in the morning, four hours out from when his shift was supposed to end. Grabbing your phone from off your leg, you’d still hadn’t received a single call or text from Katsuki. Filled with worry, you dialed the only person you could think of calling. 

“Kiri? Hey, it’s me.” You addressed through the phone, nervously playing with the hem of your sock. 

“Y/N? It’s late, something up?” Kirishima’s soft voice rang through the phone. Bakugou’s best friend was the one person you thought to call, as he almost always knew of your boyfriend’s whereabouts. 

‘No shit, why else would I be calling so late?’ You grunted to yourself,

“Yeah, actually there is. Have you heard from Katsuki? I’ve tried calling and he hasn’t picked up. His shift ended hours ago. He isn’t home.” You said, you thought you sounded stupid. Obviously something had to be wrong, why else would he not have come home? You’re extreme worry filled your body, but you had to be strong. You took a deep breath to remind yourself that all is ok, sighing through the phone.

“Shit, Y/N. I haven’t spoken to him all day.” Kirishima said tiredly, however, you could hear that he too, was just as worried about his best friend. This set you off,

“What the fuck do we do? This isn’t like him Kiri.” You could feel tears brimming in your eyes, knowing that you had to do something,

“Is he cheating or some shit? Did something happen? Fuck I can’t lose-“ You ranted as sobs broke from your mouth, but before you could end your sentence, you were cut off by the loud noise stemming from the TV.

Turning your head, you saw the ‘Breaking News’ headline flashing with what your heart couldn’t possibly take. 

“Breaking News, several injured, and one dead at the scene of a robbery and hostage situation. Among the injured, Number One hero, Bakugou Katsuki, pronounced dead at the scene, late this evening. A prolific and horrid event for everyone involved. 

Reports say the villain, going by the name of ‘The Undertaker’, was able to trap several civilians, turning this into a serious hostage situation. Bakugou Katsuki was able to rush in and save-“ 

You turned off the TV, your phone dropping to the ground. You entire body collapsed, loud sobs filling the entire room,

“Y/N? Shit, are you ok? What’s going on?” Kirishima’s voice echoed, but you didn’t reply, continuing the cries flowing out of your body. You shook as you held your mouth, trying to console your breaking heart. 

‘No, no, no. It can’t be. This is all just some sick joke. Some sick, terrible, twisted prank.’ You tried to reassure yourself, coming up with an endless amount of excuses for yourself. 

“Hello? Answer me,” After moments of continuous crying,

“Fuck, I’m on my way.” The line abruptly ended. 

…

You felt a tear fall down your cheek, the cold air of an October morning hitting you in the face. Your tangled hair blew behind you, you didn’t give a shit about making yourself look “presentable”, who was there to impress? 

It’d been nearly 3 months, yet the pain losing your soulmate didn’t feel any “better”. People constantly told you that time heals everything, but you repeatedly asked how time could fix the mess you were living in. Nothing seemed to help how you were feeling, better yet, they only worsened. Days went on that you were reminded of what you lost. 

Some days you were consumed with sadness, consoling yourself by laying in his clothes, hoping the lingering smell would somehow make you feel better. Other days, you were filled with complete anger and guilt, begging someone, anyone, to bring him back and take you instead. But it never worked. 

…

You’d finally made your way to your destination, the sun eventually peeking through the clouds. Each day, the Earth still spun, life continuing on for most, yet the Earth seemed to stop dead in its tracks for you. Time slowed at an excruciating pace, making it almost impossible for you to work out how how were feeling, constantly just sulking in your own sadness. 

You walked over to the stone, staring down at his name. You sat in the grass next to him, pulling back your hair so you could see clearly.

“You know, it wasn’t fair for you to leave me like this.” You said, looking off into the sky in front of you, hoping you’d somehow earn a response. But instead, you received silence. 

“Remember the times we’d promise each other,” 

“Pinky promise?” You asked, feeling your nose burn and your eyes well up,

“How we’d promise that we’d be together, until the very end?” The waterworks began, feeling tears pool down your face.

“Well, you lied. You fucking lied to me, you piece of shit.” You sniffled, anger and sadness hitting you all at once. 

“Could’ve at least apologized, instead, you left me here to gather all of your pity.” You scoffed, burying your head in your chest between your arms. It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair at all. You wished he could be right next to you, holding you close, telling you it’d all be ok, reassuring you that you had to be strong. Instead, he was buried six feet underneath where you were sitting. 

“You know, people used to say we were soulmates, how we were made for each other.” You looked over at his headstone, a small smile across your lips,

“If you were here right now, you’d laugh and tell me that soulmates are bullshit.” You laughed, running your hands through your hair. 

“Fuck. This really sucks. We were supposed to stay together, for fucking forever, Katsuki. I was supposed to be your annoying sidekick for the rest of our lives. We were supposed to get married, have kids. You could just come back, we could restart. It’d be easy.” You tried to reassure yourself, hoping to stop the tears flowing from your eyes.

“I guess that’s not how it works, is it now?” You scoffed, rubbing your eyes until they burned. You’d have to sleep alone now, waking up to nothing but cold air next to you. You’d make dinner for one, sitting at the dinner table alone. You’d have to comfort yourself, hoping that you could be strong enough to bring yourself up from this mess. There would be no more late night drives, no more hugs or cuddles, no more of the two of you, no more of us.

“Guess I’m stuck here in this nightmare by myself, huh?” You said, sitting your chin on your hands that were placed on top of your knees. You’d have to come to terms with the fact that your soulmate, your forever was gone. And it hurt like hell.

“Soulmates’ that weren’t meant to be. Is that what they say?” You asked the headstone sitting next to you. 

This nightmare would never come close to ever ending, but time wouldn’t just stop for you, the Earth wouldn’t just stop spinning. You had to keep going, forced to keep reliving the same nightmare on an endless loop. Life forcing you to accept that he just was a soulmate that wasn’t meant to be. 

[chockfullofsecrets]

Critical Role: Better Than Talking

(Read on AO3)

Rating: Gen

Summary: In her humble opinion, Jester was pret-ty good at cheering up her friends.

Caduceus, though… Caduceus was a challenge.

Wordcount: 2203

A/N: I tried to write Caduceus angst but it didn’t really take... so instead you guys get more of my quasi-philosophy lol. 

In her humble opinion, Jester was pret-ty good at cheering up her friends.

She knew the minimum level of destruction required to make Nott stop worrying about consequences and really focus in on a prank, she could spot Yasha’s dry humor as it slid carefully into a conversation and riff on it until half of the party were laughing so hard that they had to pound on tables - she could even kind of make Caleb smile now! No one else in the whole world could do that, except maybe Nott and Frumpkin, but they had known him for so much longer that it still felt like an accomplishment.

Caduceus, though… Caduceus was a challenge. Like a painting that you thought would be pretty easy to do, and then realized that there was lighting and perspective and lacy things that you could spend hours and hours on only to realize that you had to start over again.

She knew what kind of things he liked, of course - she wasn’t a terrible friend! Or at least she tried to tell herself that when she started panicking. He liked so many things! Nature! Plants! Cookbooks! Tea! Cool dead things! Healthy emotional conversations!

None of which were easily available on the not-quite deserted island that her party was not-quite stuck on, at least not in a form that hadn’t already tried to hurt Caduceus. People, then - she really liked gifts, but if you liked someone a nice conversation with them wasn’t a bad way to cheer up either, right? Jester racked her brain, trying and trying to think of times that Caduceus had sought out one of them to talk to, and in her despair almost came to the conclusion that there was one thing that Caduceus didn’t like for sure and it was them.

That didn’t exactly make sense, though - Caduceus had definitely chosen to come with them instead of going home with his family, and that had to count for something.

Maybe it was just her that he didn’t talk to so much. And that, she wanted to fix. Immediately.

It felt especially important after the party’s very first Heroes’ Feast, when everyone had done such a great job of making her feel better. Although, she admitted to herself, maybe it was just a little bit the need to find a distraction before she talked herself out of believing all the nice things that her friends had told her about herself that had her wandering over to Caduceus.

He was going through his maintenance ritual, checking on all his lichens and beetles and all the other small bits of life that he carried around with him. Watching him on previous nights, Jester knew this to be a fairly involved inspection and one that required him to be at a distance - no matter how friendly they all were with each other, having flesh-eating bugs crawling around near everyone’s personal items was more potential chaos than even she could handle. She was more than a little relieved to see his ears twitch in acknowledgement of her presence, followed by a gentle rhythmic tapping of his staff on the ground as he encouraged all the creepy-crawlies to make their way back inside. “Hey.”

“He-eyyy,” Jester replied, sliding to the ground with crossed legs to mirror his pose. “What’s up, Caduceus?”

Instead of spilling all his secrets, Caduceus tipped his head back slowly to regard the walls of stone that vanished into darkness above them. “Rocks, I guess. Not sure what else could be living up there, but there’s always something, huh?”

“...huh.” Jester blinked, looking up too, and realized a little too late that Caduceus had already refocused on her with a distinctly amused expression.

“That’s not what you were asking about, is it.”

She shook her head, learning forward to try and get a better fix on him. “Nope! I wanted to talk about you, actually.”

“Hm,” Caduceus said. He looked surprised, eyebrows raising just a little, which just made Jester feel even more unbalanced - why would it surprise him that she cared how he was feeling? “Okay. What about me?”

Well, she would just have to make it extra clear how much she cared. “Oh, well - are you doing okay, Caduceus?” He didn’t say anything; she needed more. “I mean, you lost your memory last night - and the day before that you almost got eaten so many times - and then Vokodo almost kidnapped you! - and earlier you said you missed your siblings, I miss my Mama too-”

She trailed off, a little breathless - before listing it off, she hadn’t even realized how much had happened to Caduceus in just the last few days, just that he had been a little quieter than usual. “Wow, that’s a lot of things… really, are you okay?”

“Whoa.” Caduceus looked a little breathless too, and he hadn’t even been saying anything. His lips bunched up on one side as he made a considering noise, scratching at his beard. “I haven’t done that before.”

“What?”

“Listed out all the bad things that happened to me.” He blinked. “That was more than usual, right? Usually I just forget them after a while.”

Jester wondered if this conversation would have made sense to anyone else in the group, searching for some kind of thread of thought to grab. It was a lot harder to talk to someone when you were trying to be serious. “You forget? Like how the people here forget? Oh my god, Caduceus, do you think someone was stealing your memories before?”

Caduceus smiled, big and slow. “Nah.” The smile dimmed a little. “Well, I guess I wouldn’t know if they were, right?”

Jester stared at him for a whole minute as his eyes flicked down, brow furrowed in thought. “Um… Caduceus?”

The firbolg in question abruptly cleared his throat and looked back up. “No, I definitely remember some bad things.”

“Oh, Caduceus, I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay, I don’t think about them much. There are a lot of happy things to think about too, aren’t there?”

Caduceus looked her over then, catching her incomprehension with an easy understanding that made her shrink back a little, and exhaled with one of those soft smiles he seemed to be in endless supply of. Jester wished she didn’t know the limits of her own stockpile, discovered this very evening. “Hey, you’ve had a pretty big night already. It’s okay for you to take a little time to focus on yourself and process. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Ah. No. Wasn’t she supposed to be doing the cheering up here?

She took a deep breath to steady herself before she could do something embarrassing like starting to cry again. And then another one, because it actually seemed to help her remember why she was here in the first place. “I do, though! Everyone was so nice to me tonight, and then when I was thinking about it I realized that I couldn’t remember anyone doing that for you, and I know you’re really good at this kind of stuff but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have anyone to talk to, you know? We love you so much!”

At that, Caduceus looked - he looked really happy, actually, his smile curling warmly on one side and his ears perking up. “Well, I have all of you to talk to. That’s a lot better than what I had before you came along.”

“Really?” Jester urged, something loosed and flapping lightly in her chest. “You can talk to any of us?”

“Feels pretty great, doesn’t it?” Caduceus was outright grinning now, and she could feel an answering smile unfurl on her own face, no stockpile needed.

“Bet I can make it feel better,” Jester challenged, and scrambled forward to hug him. She had to kneel in his lap to get a proper angle on his tall frame, but she managed to wrap her arms around his chest and press her cheek to him and squeeze like she could hold all that happiness and connection in place all by herself.

“Oh,” Caduceus said, pleased - and wasn’t this easier than talking anyway, she wasn’t sure why she had even bothered - and went to hug her back. Caduceus gave the best hugs, warm and fuzzy and second only to her Mama’s, made even better by the way that he absently nuzzled at the side of her head with an amused huff of breath.

Jester bounced a little on her knees and nuzzled him back. Caduceus’ arms shifted, hugging her tighter, and she did it again. Nudging up aside his face, she felt him twitch and stutter out an exhale like it had come from her own body. “Okay?” she murmured.

“That tickles,” Caduceus murmured back, muffled in her shoulder, and Jester raced through happiness all the way to mischief before she could even think about stopping, an instinct that had been with her even before the Traveler.

She pulled back, vibrating with excitement. “Ca-du-ceus-”

“-oh, no-”

“Are you tick-i-lish?”

She was hoping to make him blush and squirm the way that most of her friends did when she teased them, but true to form Caduceus was nearly impossible to fluster. He just blinked at her. “Didn’t I say that?”

Just for that, she pinned his arms to his sides in another hug and nosed around his ear and the side of his neck until he was outright giggling, high and breathy and so unlike his voice that she had to pat around his head just to make sure that it was really him.

“St-stahap-pff-” Caduceus interrupted himself with a snort that made Jester giggle along with him, which must have tickled even more if Caduceus’ increased struggle was any indication.

“Aw, that’s so cute! Tickle tickle tickle!”

Caduceus snorted again and shoved lightly at her belly. Wary that Caduceus might gather his composure and tickle her back, Jester sacrificed their hug to grab the offending hand.

“No,” Caduceus squeaked, using his newfound reach to shuffle her right out of his lap.

Jester clutched his hand even tighter to keep from hitting the deck. “Wow, Caduceus, you don’t have to push.”

Caduceus did look embarrassed now, cheeks flushing a beautiful pink to match his hair. He reached out to help her keep her balance, wiggling his wrist a little until Jester let go. “I thought you were going to tickle my hands.”

“Your hands are ticklish? I didn’t know you could even tickle hands.” Jester frowned. “Caduceus, do you not like being tickled?”

Caduceus pressed his newly freed hands to his face, the pale skin only making his blush more apparent. “No, just… it was a lot.”

“Oh! It’s okay, Caduceus, I won’t tickle you if you don’t like it.” She meant it too - she had totally stopped trying to tickle Caleb when he told her that his instinct might just be to light her on fire next time even though she was pretty sure it was a joke.

Caduceus said something from behind his hands that Jester couldn’t quite catch. She reached forward and tapped him lightly on the knee. “Do you want another hug?”

Caduceus rubbed briskly at his face, and when he lowered his hands again he looked nearly as calm as usual, no trace of the frantic giggling he’d just been doing. Jester tried not to pout. “Sure,” he still said, and even when she drew back to give him the option of space he reached for her shoulder and drew her back in. She climbed back into his lap, trying to be as big as possible and wrap him up like her Mama would without sticking her nose anywhere ticklish.

They ended up with her forehead pressed to his collarbone, his hair falling in a gentle waterfall against one side of her face. “Yep,” he said warmly, “you did it, this is better.”

Jester beamed and winched her arms around him even tighter. “This is really nice, Caduceus.”

“Mhmm.” They sat for a long, calming minute, Caduceus’ chin perched between her horns, and then she felt his arms loosen a little. She prepared to pull back, wishing it could last a little longer, but then something dropped into her lap.

It took a little maneuvering, but she glanced down to see Caduceus’ hand, palm up.

She kept hugging Caduceus, unwilling to break the circle of warmth that wrapped them both, but she did have a whole extra limb to play with. She brought her tail around and, biting her lip in concentration, dragged the spaded tip lightly over Caduceus’ palm.

His fingers twitched, and Jester couldn’t help laughing as puffs of Caduceus’ squeaky laughter began to resurface. “Aw, you do like being tickled!” She could have teased him so much more - she felt like it might make him even more embarrassed and tickly, and it was nice to think of being able to break him once in a while.

But for now, she felt her friend shaking with laughter, so much of it that he had to snort and squeak every so often just to get it all out, and figured that she’d done enough cheering up for one day.

[choerrypuffs]

the chase.

pairing: fuckboy!jaemin x goodgirl!reader

genre: very slight angst, fluff, there’s no smut but it does get kind of spicy at the end

word count: 3.8k

synopsis: you were not going to be another notch on na jaemin’s belt.

author’s note: you can all pry this trope from my cold, dead hands

You sigh, slamming your locker shut to meet the sparkling, gorgeous, and charming eyes of Na Jaemin. He’s leaning against the locker beside yours, shouldering his bag, with his windblown hair falling into said-sparking, gorgeous, and charming eyes. His hands are tucked into his pockets, and his pink lips are quirked up in a small smirk. 

Na Jaemin is the epitome of a cliché. 

Notorious for his commitment issues, circle of friends, and house parties, Jaemin is your classic fuckboy that only seems to exist in fiction. Yet here he is, standing in front of you for the third week in a row. He had been flirting with you ever since you were paired with him for a literature project and, in a moment of pent-up frustration due to all the work being pushed onto you, told him that he was “a little bitch baby who couldn’t even take a shit without his mommy.” Needless to say, you weren’t exactly the nicest to him. So, why is he flirting with you? You consider yourself a pretty good critical thinker, but this has absolutely stumped you. 

“Morning,” Jaemin says, jostling you from your train of thought. 

“Hello,” you respond, on guard and waiting for him to begin pestering you. 

“Which class are you headed to?” he asks jovially.

You seem to suddenly forget yourself, looking down at the textbook you were clutching to your chest. “Chemistry.” 

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, and you wince, bracing for the inevitable chemistry joke that every guy who thinks he’s smooth makes. However, to your utter surprise, he nods. “What a coincidence. Me too. It’s not an honors class like yours though. In fact, I’m flunking pretty hard right now.” 

“Well, do you study and do your homework?” you ask, raising an eyebrow back. 

He chuckles. “You got me there.”

You give him a pointed look.

“Hey, in my defense, I wouldn’t understand it even if I actually sat down and did it.” Jaemin replies, raising his hands up in a mock surrender. 

You frown. “I’m not going to tutor you, if that’s what you’re trying to imply.” 

He pretends to be hurt, clutching his chest and grimacing. “So mean. Isn’t that your job though?” 

You sigh, knowing that he’s right. The school pays you a small stipend of money to hold remedial classes for students that are struggling. Unfortunately, Jaemin is the only one who has asked you this week, which means that you have to tutor him one-on-one. 

“Fine,” you relent, “but we’re studying. Nothing else.”

He gives you a two-finger salute. “Scout’s honor” 

You pull out your planner and begin to flip through it, praying that your schedule is packed for today. Once again, luck is not on your side. The small square under the cute, cursive FRIDAY is completely blank. You hold back a sigh and fish out your favorite purple gel pen, quickly scrawling on the paper. 

na jaemin - tut sess @ 

You look up at him. “What time is best for you?” 

“Uh, how about tonight at 7?”

Jaemin bursts into laughter once he sees the look on your face. “Chill. I’m not trying to pull anything, I swear. I have club activities until 6.” 

You visibly relax, but only a little bit. “If you try anything, I will castrate you on sight.” 

He grins. “Yes ma’am.” 

You write in the time and close your planner. “Right then. I’ll see you tonight at 7.” 

“It’s a date.” 

You’ve been sitting in your car for a good fifteen minutes, having arrived at his house way too early. Jaemin, along with everything else he’s got going for him, is also extremely rich. It is a known fact that he and his friends lived in an expensive villa, but you had never seen it before. The house is multiple stories, and you can see the slight glistening of the low-lit pool behind it. Apparently, they were also having a party. 

The bass music is loud enough for even you to feel the vibrations through your car, and there are clusters of shadowy figures surrounding the house. Half of you is pissed at Jaemin for throwing a party when you two had a deal, but the other half isn’t surprised at all. In fact, you debate on just leaving, but you want to see just what kind of state he is in so you can tell him off once and for all next time you see him.

Though you aren’t sure why, you pull down your visor and look at yourself in the mirror. You’re wearing no makeup and only tinted lip balm, your hair is still half-wet from your shower, and you have your signature bags under your eyes. For some reason, you suddenly feel self-conscious in your hoodie and sweats as well. You specifically dressed like this so Jaemin wouldn’t get ideas, but you’re feeling almost...regretful. 

Shaking your head furiously, you give yourself a couple slaps on the cheeks. Taking a deep breath in, you get out of your car and hastily maneuver past all of the drunk people. When you arrive at the door, you’re not sure if you’re supposed knock or just walk in. The music is deafening at this point, so you’re not even sure if your knock will be heard. 

You almost yelp when someone gently pushes past you and opens the door for you. You recognize him as one of Jaemin’s friends, or at least you’re pretty sure he is. He’s got black hair and rather striking features, almost a little intimidating. However, when he smiles at you, you suddenly feel quite calm. 

“First time here?” he asks, giving you a once-over. 

“And last,” you retort, “do you know where―”

“Jaemin is in the kitchen waiting for you,” the boy interrupts knowingly. 

“Oh,” you say dumbly, “well, thanks, um...” 

“Jeno,” he supplies helpfully. 

“Jeno,” you repeat, “I’m―”

“Y/N, I know. If I had a nickel for every time he’s mentioned you, I could buy another one of these houses,” Jeno snorts. “That idiot really likes you, y’know.” 

You open your mouth to snap back a quip, but you find yourself speechless. Jeno chuckles at your reaction. “What, you really haven’t noticed?” 

“I think you’re mistaken,” you finally say after a beat of silence. 

He shrugs. “If you don’t believe me, that’s fine. Though I will ask you to just tell him if you’re not interested. Jaemin is my best friend, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t lead him on.” 

You nod stiffly and walk into the house, quickly peeking behind you to see if Jeno is still there. He’s not, however, and the door is closed. You take in another shaky breath and make a beeline for the kitchen, desperate to get away from all of the sweaty, drunk people. 

When you get to the kitchen, the air is much cooler and less smelly due to the lack of people. Jaemin is by the sink, washing dishes as a very clearly intoxicated girl is clinging onto him like koala. He cranes his head away every time she leans in for a kiss and is using his elbow to gently nudge her off him. 

“You’re drunk, Nara,” Jaemin says quietly but sternly. 

“So what?” she slurs, laying her cheek on his shoulder. “You don’t even want me when I’m sober.”

“So stop.” 

“But I like you so much,” Nara mumbles, “I’ve already humiliated myself, so just let me have this.” 

Jaemin sighs and turns to say something to her before seeing you in the corner of his eye. His mouth opens slightly, and panic flashes across his features. You awkwardly hug your notebook to your chest, feeling like you just saw something you shouldn’t have.

“Uh, hey. Sorry to, um, interrupt your...thing,” you trail off, feeling like an even bigger moron.

“Y/N―hey, sorry, give me just a second. Let me finish washing these,” Jaemin says, clearly flustered. The girl, Nara, is boring holes into you with her intense staring. 

“So, this is her?” Nara asks petulantly. “This is the girl?”

You frown at her. “What are you talking about?” 

“Nara.” Jaemin doesn’t raise his voice or even sounds that angry, but the room drops a few degrees in temperature. Nara freezes, her glazed eyes suddenly focusing. “I think it’s time for you to go. Jeno will drive you home.” 

Nara’s shoulders droop, but she obeys. After she skulks away, Jaemin dries his hands with a clean dish rag and finally faces you. His eyes slowly drag up your figure, and you feel like he can see right through your clothes. Finally, he says,

“You look nice.” 

You raise an eyebrow. “Are you being sarcastic?”

“Why would I be? You look cute,” he says sincerely. 

“Whatever, let’s just get this done quickly. Wouldn’t want to keep you from your party,” you say wryly, turning to walk out of the kitchen.

“Hey,” he says softly, tugging on the sleeve of your hoodie. “I didn’t throw this party. One of my roommates did. I told him not to because you were coming, but he doesn’t listen to anyone after tequila gets into his system.” 

Your annoyance, weak and feeble like you, slowly begins to dissipate. You tug your arm away with half-hearted strength and avoid his eyes. “Okay. Lead the way then.”

Jaemin’s lips curl into a tiny smile as he brushes past you. “My room is upstairs. If you’re not comfortable with that, we can study in the den, but there might be drunk people in there.”

“Your room will be fine,” you say, shrugging, “like I said, try anything and I’ll castrate you.”

“Ah, right. How could I forget about that?” 

As you climb upstairs, the music slowly begins to grow muffled and is almost completely blocked out in Jaemin’s room. “Are your walls soundproof?” 

He winked. “Yup. All of ours are.” 

You wrinkle your nose. “Gross.” 

“Hey, you thought it, not me.” 

“You implied it.”

“I did no such thing.” 

You bite your lower lip, fighting back a smile. “Come on, idiot. I made a couple of sets of practice problems for you.” 

“Oh, goody,” he sighs, following you to his desk, “my favorite.” 

After the first set of problems, it becomes quickly evident to you that Jaemin would be an honors student if he just took the time to do his work. You usually only have to explain concepts to him once or twice for him to grasp them. Honestly, you are a little jealous since you have to constantly practice to be able to understand them. 

“You don’t need tutoring,” you finally say when he gets another set of problems correct. “You need drive.” 

He shyly cards a hand through his hair. “It’s only because you’re here. If you weren’t telling me what I was doing wrong, I wouldn’t even know where to start.” 

“No, Jaemin. Seriously. You’re smart, like really smart. If you just paid attention in class and took fifteen or twenty minutes to do your homework, you could be an honors student,” you say genuinely. 

His eyes widen. “Wow, really? Never in my life would I have thought that a day would come where you would compliment me, especially not this highly.” 

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, well, you’re still insufferable but we can’t do anything about that.”

“But you like me for it,” he says teases quietly, his voice sounding a little huskier. You dig your nails into your palm, feeling goosebumps erupt throughout your skin.

“A-As if,” you snap back, wanting to kick yourself for stuttering. 

The two of you lapse into an awkward silence. Jaemin has his elbow on the desk, propping up his cheek with his hand as he unabashedly stares at you like he’s mesmerized. You clear your throat and close your notebook, standing up.

“Not that you needed anymore, but I’m out of problem sets for you. So, um, I guess I’ll go―”

His slender fingers gently wrap themselves around your wrist, and you stiffen immediately. You jerkily turn towards him. He’s looking at you with this sort of longing, like it’s physically hurting him. The intensity of it makes you break eye contact, and you look down at your feet.

“Stay with me,” he whispers, “for just a little longer.”

“Th-This is the part where I should be castrating you,” you mumble underneath your breath. 

“So why aren’t you?” he asks. 

“I-I don’t know,” you blurt, your brain beginning to short-circuit. 

“I really like you,” Jaemin finally admits. “I’ve liked you since you yelled at me and called me a bitch baby in a library full of people.” 

You shake your head, stepping back and letting his fingers slip from your wrist. “You don’t like me―”

“Yes, I do.”

“No, you like the chase. You like the fact that I’m resisting you, you like the challenge of it all. Think about it, Jaemin. I’ve only ever been an asshole to you. I’m an uptight goody two shoes whose biggest thrill in life so far is coming to a party to tutor someone. We’re on opposite ends of the spectrum. You don’t like me, you just like that I’m different from the usual girls you date.” 

“You don’t know that, Y/N,” Jaemin says in a low voice.

“Actually, I do, Jaemin.”

“Alright. If you’re so sure about me, then what about you? Why are you here?” he asks, standing to his feet as well and looking down at you.

“Do you think I want to be here? I’m here because I had to be,” you say, slightly stumbling back at his proximity to you. The mixture of his cologne and his natural scent is making your body feel all fuzzy and warm. “It’s my job.” 

“You didn’t have to be anywhere, Y/N. You could’ve turned me down at school, you could’ve cancelled, hell, you could’ve just not shown up at all without a single word. No one forced you to be here except yourself.”

You’re silent. Jaemin lets out a shaky huff. 

“Yes, you’ve been an asshole to me. Yes, you’re a bit of a goody two shoes. Yes, we’re extremely different. But do you know why I like you? I like you because you’re strong. You don’t take shit from anyone: not from me, not from your classmates, no one. No matter how many people made fun of you for being a stickler or a buzzkill, you held your head up high and did what you needed to do. You called me out on my shit when I was being a dick, but you still came and tutored me when I needed help. And while I don’t know if you like me as much as I like you, I do know that you feel something for me. So I’m asking you to give me a chance. Yes or no. Drop all the ‘chase’ bullshit and give me a clear answer.” 

You’re slightly stunned from his words. He’s looking at you, waiting for your response. Jaemin’s cheeks are flushed and his expression is the rawest you’ve ever seen it. You know what you say next holds a lot of impact; he’s at his weakest right now, putty in your hands. His vulnerability makes your heart clench, and you wonder why someone like him fell for someone as terrible as you. You have never once seen past his fuckboy stereotype. If you had bothered to look closer, you would’ve seen him, Jaemin. 

Jaemin, cool, confident, and just a tad dorky. Jaemin, who did the dishes during a party. Jaemin, who didn’t just hook up with drunk girls at the drop of a hat like everyone said. Jaemin, who was doing chemistry problem sets while his friends were getting drunk downstairs. Jaemin, who genuinely liked you and saw so much in you.

You nibble on your lower lip, tugging your sleeves over your hands and sitting back down.

“Hot chocolate sounds great right about now,” you casually say.

Jaemin doesn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue with a small glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“You know, since I’m staying,” you say, shyly glancing up at him. 

It takes a second for your words to click before Jaemin beams. He beams so brightly that you wished you had said it sooner. His smile is so big that the corners of his eyes begin to crinkle, and he covers his face with his hands. Squatting to the floor, he sighs loudly with relief. 

You laugh softly, feeling heat bloom on your cheeks. You two stay like that for a good minute before Jaemin finally stands up.

“Hot chocolate, coming right up,” he says after collecting himself, though his smile hasn’t gotten any smaller.

When he leaves the room, you muffle your squeal into your clothed palms. Your face feels like it’s on fire, and you lay your head down on the desk. The cool wood of the desk presses into your cheek, making it feel a little better. Though you’re still full of adrenaline, your eyes are slowly fluttering shut and in no time, you’re asleep. 

Please, please, please don’t let this be a dream.

You groan softly, eyes burning as rays of sunlight shine down on your face. Your cheek is throbbing, along with the dull aching of your neck and back. You slowly blink yourself awake and groggily try to assess your surroundings. You can feel someone’s breath on the top of your head, and you tilt your head up just a tad to see what it is. 

You let out a small squeak when you find your face only inches away from Jaemin’s, suddenly remembering what happened last night. The Na Jaemin really confessed to you. You feel yourself growing flushed again and sit up, rolling your neck back and forth in an attempt to crack it. Why on Earth had you fallen asleep on a desk? 

“Morning,” you hear Jaemin mumble softly. His eyes are still closed, but his hand is weaving itself through yours. He looks like an angel with the sunlight on him, and you are hit with the realization that you probably look like absolute trash. 

“Good morning,” you say, using your other hand to brush hair from his face. “Do you feel like a ninety-year-old man too?” 

“Mhm,” he says, finally sitting up. His face is crinkled in discomfort, and you can’t help but giggle. 

Jaemin furrows his brow and leans toward you, putting his hands on your waist and nuzzling his face into your neck. “Don’t laugh at me.”

You laugh harder, soothingly patting his back. “Come on, you big baby. Let’s brush our teeth and get breakfast.”

After a good twenty minutes of Jaemin being unproductive and clinging onto you like there’s no tomorrow, you two finally finish brushing your teeth. He holds your hand as he takes you downstairs and toward the kitchen. The entire house is completely trashed from the party last night, and you nearly trip over a few passed out guys. 

“Sorry,” Jaemin mumbles, “I’ll clean everything up later.”

You shrug. “I don’t mind. It’s not like it’s your mess.” 

When you get to the kitchen, you sit on the marble counter top, watching Jaemin open the fridge and examine the remaining items he can use to make breakfast. He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “So, do you want eggs or an open jar of pickles?” 

You laugh, throwing your head back before quickly covering your mouth so you don’t wake everyone. “Eggs will be fine.” 

Jaemin takes out the carton of eggs and places them next to you, putting his hands on either side of you and effectively caging you in. You feel your breath hitch when his forehead touches yours. His hands reach up and cup your face, gently brushing your cheekbones with his thumbs.

“Is this how you normally make eggs?” you ask, voice slightly breathy.

He smiles at you. “What kind of place do you think this is? You don’t get free breakfast, no matter how cute you are.” 

You hum, wrapping your arms around his neck. Jaemin’s hands fall from your face so they can grip your thighs. You pull him against you, your chests flush with each other. When you speak, your lips just barely touch his. 

“How much are you charging?” 

Without responding, Jaemin bridges the small space between your lips. When he kisses you, it’s a deep and languid one, almost lazy. It feels like he’s sucking all the air out of you as you run your fingers through his hair. His tongue is gently coaxing yours, and you can’t help but let out a small whimper as one of his hands leave your thigh and slips under your shirt, resting on your waist. When you break away to gasp for air, Jaemin dips his head and begins sucking purple bruises onto your collarbones and neck. 

Normally, you’d be embarrassed by the amount of whimpering and mewling you were doing, but Jaemin’s mouth makes your mind totally blank. He detaches himself from the column of your neck and smiles at you, wetting his lips. The hand under your shirt has traveled up and is now splayed across your back, hiking your shirt up almost all the way to your bra. 

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers against your lips before pulling away to brush a lock of hair from your face.

You roll your eyes, grabbing a fistful of his shirt to pull him in again―

“What the hell?”

You both quickly scramble off each other. Jaemin smooths down his disheveled hair while you rush to yank your shirt back down. You glance over to see who it is, and to your shock, it’s Jeno. His mouth is hanging wide open, and he’s pointing at the two of you. He keeps glancing from you to Jaemin and vice versa. 

“Jeno,” Jaemin starts, sounding irritated, “what do you want?” 

Jeno continues to gawk at you. You give him a small wave, slowly sliding down from the counter. He stares for a few more seconds before excitedly pumping his fist in the air. 

“H-Holy shit! I knew this was gonna happen, but I didn’t realize it’d be this quick. Hey, Renjun! Get up, asshole! You owe me a hundred bucks!” Jeno dashes out of the kitchen and back into the living room, trying to shake awake a guy passed out on the couch. 

Jaemin sighs, turning back to you and leaning down to give you a quick peck on the forehead. “Sorry. Let me deal with those morons first. Raincheck?” 

“Raincheck,” you agree, nodding. 

He smiles, tilting your chin up and kissing you again before leaving the kitchen to go yell at his friends. You watch him go, still dazed as you repeatedly run your thumb across your swollen lips.

“It wasn’t a dream,” you whisper to yourself.

[broadwayandnetflix]

Just Hold Me - Richie Tozier x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Language (it’s IT)

Theme: Angst with increasing fluff towards the end.

Summary: After a distressing nightmare you keep thinking about one person in particular, Richie Tozier. What you don’t know yet is that he has been thinking about you as well.

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: just a little note if you ever want to know something about me, inspiration for stories almost seem to come to me at the weirdest times. this one for example came at 2am and I poured this draft out into my phone hunched over a bowl of cereal. It had many grammatical errors, but nonetheless it was something. so there you have it, I saw IT 2 and thus came this.

You jolted awake with a gasp, panting heavily while you sat upright on your mattress. Quickly adjusting to the now pitch-black room, you swung your legs over the edge of the bed.

Eyes darting wildly about, thoughts racing, and palms sweaty. IT still haunted your dreams; there was no question about it. Usually, you could shut bad dreams out, as a justified figment of your imagination.

Except, when you see the potential love of your life, dead, and gutted out in front of you. What are you supposed to do? You know it’s just a dream, a silly dream, but no, it’s traumatic, even if he’s just down the hall.

You didn’t plan to come back to Derry; in fact, after twenty-seven years, you had come to forget the place. Forgetting its people, it’s buildings, aesthetics, and nooks and crannies that only you could pinpoint.

You knew you shouldn’t, but you felt in a strange sense, guilty. Mike poured everything into digging the lot of you out of a massive haystack, into fighting back something that was equally as big, and terrifying.

So even though the mere thought of catching up with old friends made you giddy, the harsh, crushing reality was that all of you were here for one reason, and one reason only.

To kill a demonic, possessed, and fucked up clown.

One in particular that craved for your fear, salivated about it even. So when it manifested into your dreams, you weren’t surprised, even if you were scared shitless.

It only just made you fret about the day ahead of you, knowing that there was work to do and that this was just the beginning.

Especially after last night’s scare in the restaurant, the lot of you dined at. It freaked you out even to consider remembering it, but one thing stuck out to you in particular.

Richie.

Something about seeing him again after all these years, just set you off, straight off. You almost didn’t even notice the fluttered increase within your heart or the way that you couldn’t seem to keep still when he made eye contact with you.

It brought back the waterfall of emotions that you had buried in grade school. The harbored crush that you kept for the trash mouth of a dork that he was. Despite Beverly’s attempts to assure you that he so desperately felt the same back then, you could never believe it. Not even now.

Except at this current moment, all you wanted was him, which was oh so pathetic. Just like the way you laughed like a literal hyena at his offhand quips and comments. Yes, while everyone rolled their eyes in annoyance, you giggled like a goddamn fool.

He made you feel dizzy like you had just finished a roller coaster only for it to jerk forward again.

If only you could just reassure yourself that he was alive, and well. It would help you sleep at night because these recurring nightmares of him dying weren’t helping.

You were so far down deep into your thoughts and criticism that you almost didn’t hear the slight knock at your door. The rustling of your sheets as you peered at your clock brushing you back into reality.

Who was knocking on your door at 3:45am?

Pushing yourself up, you trudge your way over, opening the door with a sour expression.

“How can I-“ you murmured only to stop once you were face to face with Richie himself.

Your jaw-dropping slightly, eyes wide, and now increasingly more alert than before, you swallowed.

He looked exhausted, his hair messy and bedridden, and his eyes focused on anything else but you.

“I, um,” he stammered, “I had an um, why is this so hard?” he whispered to himself. You looked back him blinking slowly wondering if you were still dreaming.

One pinch later, you weren’t.

“Listen, I had a bad dream about you, and I just really needed to check in on you,” he suddenly rushed out, his speech groggy, and jumbled.

Gaping, you stared back at him in surprise, definitely not expecting this outcome. Even more so, he was going through the same exact situation as you.

Well, not entirely, you presumed.

“Come on,” you gestured towards your bed while he trailed behind you.

Plopping yourself down onto it, you stared up at the ceiling, heaving a big sigh. Smiling shyly as Richie did the same, laying next to you.

“Me too,” you admitted after what felt like ages of silence, with only the slight hum of the ceiling fan to fill it.

“I’m sorry what?” he asked.

“I had a bad dream about you too,” you felt his gaze projected onto you now. The room now becoming too warm to your liking with the nerves that now tickled your skin.

“It’s weird, thirteen years old me would be having a stroke right now. You know, being on the same bed as Y/N Y/L/N,” he admitted randomly, causing you to turn over to face him.

He paused before continuing after a slight nudge of acknowledgment came from you.

“You wanna know something Y/N?” you nodded, “I had the biggest crush on you when we were kids. Isn’t that crazy?” he admitted softly.

You were at a profound loss for words like the air had been physically sucked out of you. This had to be some sort of joke, how could Richie like you. Not only that, you probably looked like an idiot, just laying there and not replying to him because you were so caught off-guard.

“God, I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry, I-“ he cringed, rubbing his hands over his face.

“No!” you yelped.

“No?”

“I just need a second,” you cried, he blinked sitting upright to face you. “I know it’s been a second, but I need more.” The smirk now resting upon his lips was not helping you as he watched you process it.

“I really like you, Richie, and I think I always have.” you breathed out. “I can’t believe I forgot you, I can’t believe I forgot this.” you fretted looking into his eyes, feeling more jittery than anything.

“Oh, thank god,” he huffed before flipping onto his stomach to face you more appropriately.

He paused as if something else had caught his attention, leaving him deep in thought. You couldn’t help but study the man in front of you, seeing the shell of his younger self still resting within him.

Of course, you had a chance to the night before and during the day, but it didn’t quite do him justice. He still had his fluffy mop of hair, his piercing blue eyes, and those awful, yet awkwardly cute glasses. Even in the dark, you still could see him, all of him.

He looked tired, but the way his eyes crinkled, or how his smile grew whenever he looked at you made you practically float.

And then you remembered why he was here, and your little cheeky grin disappeared instantly.

“What?” he wondered aloud.

“I just don’t want to do this, I don’t want to do tomorrow, I just want to close my eyes and sleep for however long this will take,” He looked at you ever so sympathetically, your vision now seeming to grow hazier by the minute.

“I don’t want IT to control my dreams, I don’t want to see you die, Richie. I just want to be able to sleep and not wake up in a cold sweat every night. I just wa-,” you were interrupted by his hands now intertwining with yours.

You exhaled shakingly, daring to meet his warming gaze, trying to distract yourself from the fact that your sweaty ass palms were encased in his.

“I wish I could say that things are going to be better. I mean, hopefully, they are, because if not, we’re fucked,” Richie began only to stop by the large snicker that erupted from you.

“What? I’m trying to be reassuring?” he smirked as he noted the little grin upon your expression.

“You don’t think a killer clown doesn’t constitute this situation as fucked up, to begin with?” you giggled.

“That’s beside the point Y/N, okay before I was rudely interrupted by you,” he squeezed your hands with more reassurance, “I was going to say you are one of the bravest and smartest people that I know. I mean even back then you were such a little shit, we, I loved you for it. If anyone can put Pennywise into his place, it’s you, we all know it.” he spoke his speech quick and jumbled, but it worked.

You practically melted under his gaze, fighting the urge to cower and make some lame counter-argument.

You just wanted to savor this moment, this exact moment where the only issue at hand is just a few bad nightmares.

Sighing, you reach out to reach his glasses, his breath going still while he watched. Peeling them off, you rolled over to put them onto your bedside table. Looking back at him, you gesture towards the side opposite of you on the bed.

“You wanna stay?” you whispered hesitantly.

Nodding, he makes his way over to the side opposite of you as you slide into the covers. His eyes never leaving yours while he mirrors your actions.

“Good because I don’t know if I would’ve been able to sleep peacefully without you here,” you admitted softly.

“Oh come here,” he soothes while pulling you closer to him, now enveloping you with him. “I’ll protect you, honey.” his words full of promise and safety.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For just being you.” you murmur already feeling sleep beginning to overtake you.

Just like that, for the first time in months, you didn’t have any IT controlled nightmares.

[mi6-cafe]

It’s Supportive Sunday!

Supportive Sunday is a day when we encourage you to support someone in the fandom!

Here’s some ways to do that:

Kudos something you like

A short comment (“Loved this!” or “Extra kudos!”)

A more detailed comment (“X made me laugh out loud!”)

Make a rec post

Send a creator a short anon ask about their work! (“What inspired X?”)

Send a reader who’s commented a short anon ask showing your appreciation! (“Your comments make my day!”)

Reblog this post with a rec

This Sunday we’ve chosen to feature the creation which were created for the MI6 Cafe miniBang. Yes, it is a bit late, but because of all things 2020 the deadlines kept moving slightly, and then there was Fest but here you are:

Behold all the minibang creation below the line

“Wedding Gifts and Butterflies”

by Ana (juggling_hearts)

Summary:

Of course, the wedding and everything associated with it had been, dare he say it….fun. But Sebastian was more than glad to have some time to both of them, no interruptions or guest insight. Just him, his husband and the boffin’s wedding night gift.

6.5k, 00q, fluff and smut, e-rated

>>READ HERE<<

Art by Nana-chan: Tumblr

“Were you expecting an exploding pen? We don’t really go in for that anymore… (or do we?) ”

by AtoTheBean

Summary:

Rumour has it, back in the days of old Boothroyd, the gadgets were divine. Or ridiculous, depending on your point of view. And Bond doesn’t have any complaints about Q’s tech, but he still gets a bit wistful when he reads those old mission reports.

, 00q, fluff and humour.

>>READ HERE<<

Art by meduszoa: Tumblr

“London Unmade”

by Boffin1710

Summary:

The London skyline was dark, cloud covered, as a light drizzle fell. The darkness broke in a few places here and there by what appeared to be the flicker of flames dancing across the drifting clouds. Streets were silent. Only the bravest, or the fool hearty, were out this time of night anymore. The remaining were sheltering, hiding, repenting for their sins as fear and death consumed the population of the city. This was London unmade.

4.7k, 00q00, angst/au - apocalypse, implied character death.

>>READ HERE<<

Art by AsheTarasovich: AO3, Tumblr

“Serenade On Your Heartstrings”

by christinefromsherwood

Creator Spotlight

Summary:

It was still dark when the phone began to ring. Q forced his eyes open. “Jaaaames.” “…Ooh love, ooh loverboy…” “Hnnnnng.” “Let go. I need to take this.” James’s arms around him tightened, pushing against his bladder. Suddenly wide awake, Q tried to squirm away towards the nightstand and his phone.

3.8k, 00q, established relationship/domestic fluff/light angst.

>>READ HERE<<

“A moment before” by Ksan: Tumblr

“Silence”

by Dassandre

Summary:

“You must have fucked something up on that last mission,” Alec said around a mouthful of chicken tikka at lunch one afternoon.

5k, 00q, heavy angst.

>>READ HERE<<

“Art for Silence” by BBR: Tumblr

“Halt & Catch Fire”

by Eltea

Summary:

When stolen Q-branch schematics and an attack on an MI6 whistleblower both point to the same culprit, Bond and his allies find themselves flying halfway around the world to California - where they’ll have to navigate the glamorous, treacherous world of Silicon Valley tech startup culture if they want to catch a traitor and stop a disaster.

19k, gen, action.

>>READ HERE<<

Chris (ravenclawkwardly): Tumblr

“The Parting of Hero and Leander”

by Equinox2324

Summary:

Bond and Q have managed to turn their relationship of mutual annoyance to one of friendship. They also sleep together sometimes.When Bond is called away to an incredibly dangerous, high-risk mission, Q is absolutely not worried in the least because he and Bond aren’t actually together. Honestly. Especially not when he finds out that Bond has been critically injured in the middle of the mission.Cut to Q being in distress about his boyfriend who is absolutely not his boyfriend and some pining.

9.4k, 00q, angst, mutual pining.

>>READ HERE<<

“yearning” by Ruggsie:

Tumblr

“N00Bz”

by furiosophie

Summary:

There is little that escapes Bond, but for the life of him, he cannot fathom how he ended up going from what felt like a life or death situation to sitting on a hotel room bed, eating pizza with a man wearing a Grumpy Cat shirt and not much else. For a brief moment he wonders what Alec would do now, in a situation like this - in bed with an asset and nothing but a cat seperating them. Fuck. He knows exactly what Alec would do.- Or the one where Bond has to go undercover at a Fortnite World Championship and his best chance of tracking down the bad guys is to work with the cocky, obnoxious, and incredibly cute star player Q-TEA and his cat.

9k+, 00q, e-sport au, fluff/angst.

>>READ HERE<<

“Cover Art” and “Snes” by christinefromsherwood: Tumblr

“Q and Bond” by myo.mikan: Instagram

“A Second Time”

by Ghoul

Summary:

Bond’s an old dog that’s outlived his owner. Where else is his loyalty supposed to end up now that M is gone?

3.8k, 00q, angst.

>>READ HERE<<

“Art for ‘A Second Time’” by Boffin1710: Tumblr

“Standard Protocol, and Other Workplace Hazards”

by hideyseek

Summary:

In which Q gets into an argument (with HR), and gets out of his head (about Bond), and gets by. Or: MI6 finally gets to the paperwork around Q’s emergency promotion.

5.3k, 00q, fluff? what’s a genre. it’s light, it’s workplace romance. sorry!!!!.

>>READ HERE<<

“A Moment for Tea” by storm_of_sharp_things: Tumblr

“Genius”

by IrishWitch58

Summary:

Bond is home from a mission and looking forward to spending time with Q. Q is having issues with people thinking he’s just a brain. Taking lunch should be a way to cool things down, shouldn’t it?

4.5k, 00q, smutty fluff.

>>READ HERE<<

“Embrace” by dhampir72: AO3

“Movie Moment”

by Izzie

Summary:

Q has just been recruited at MI6. Bond has worked there for years. When the pair meet by chance in Q’s bookstore, sparks fly but neither is willing to admit it. A formal work introduction turns into an unofficial date at an art gallery and as Bond walks Q home in the rain, the two men screw their courage and take the opportunity to have a “movie moment.”

3.1k, 00q, first meeting.

>>READ HERE<<

“Movie Moment” by 10k: Tumblr

“Surprise! A Twin!”

by Liv

Summary:

Benoit Blanc finds out he is a twin. A twin brother to James Bond.

8.3k, fluff, Knives Out Crossover: Benoit/Q

>>READ HERE<<

“The Mario Cart Scene” by Chris: AO3

“Killing Me Softly (With Biscuits)”

by Mely (Celyan)

Summary:

Wherein James returns from a mission and finds out the hard way that sometimes, biscuits can be more explosive than one might think. Well, at least he gets a date out of the ordeal, as well as one (1) biscuit.

3.3k+, fluff and humour, getting together

>>READ HERE<<

Art by BBR:Tumblr

“Chirps, or the Feline Foes of James W. Bond.”

by midrashic

Summary:

James Bond is fluent in English, Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, Arabic, Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, BSL, and, just for fun, Esperanto. He never thought he’d be adding “Cat” to that list.

7K, 00Q, established relationship/domestic fluff.

>>READ HERE<<

“Cover Art for Chirps” by BlueBellOfBakerstreet: AO3, Tumblr

“Dedicated”

by Nana-chan

Summary:

Prompts: A) Dedication B) In an attempt to get the sleep deprived Quartermaster to finally go home, Bond offers to buy his groceries. In the grocery store when he looks at the note Q had sent him, he discovers there’s been a mixup. He doubts Q would have sent him to buy lube, condoms and a new pair of lacy knickers.

E-rated, 3.9K, 00Q, romance: established relationship

>>READ HERE<<

Art by Azure7539:Tumblr

“Glint”

by ProblemWithTrouble

Summary:

Q is on vacation when Bond arrives which is odd because Bond was supposed to be retired and with Madeleine Swann.

3.5K, 00Q, fluff

>>READ HERE<<

“Storyboard for ‘Glint’” by Ven: Tumblr

“Art for ‘Glint’” by Olly: Tumblr, Instagram

“Kitty Kitty Bang Bang”

by SouffleGirl91

Summary:

Bond’s done. The last mission was a wake-up call, he’s not up to par anymore. Moneypenny could have died. After weeks of moping, help comes from an unexpected quarter – his balcony. The old ginger tom’s got a limp, torn-up ears and a scar above his left eye. He also likes tuna and is a very good listener.

11k, 00q, fluff, getting together.

>>READ HERE<<

“Selfie” by dhampir72: AO3

“Sweetener”

by storm_of_sharp_things

Summary:

Alec Trevelyan takes stock of his relationship with James and Q, and discovers it is a refuge he never expected.

4.3k, 00q00, domestic fluff.

>>READ HERE<<

“Sweetener” by pettikotes: Tumblr

“The Claw”

by Venstar

Summary:

Something was clawing its way through Q’s mind.

3.5k, 00Q, thriller noir.

>>READ HERE<<

“Art for The Claw” by Azure7539: Tumblr