#we don’t stand jk rowling

[kerahlice]

Just some pandalily and jegulus for Valentine’s Day. Bakery!AU

Regulus is the owner, Pandora is in charge to put some colour to their creations. And of course James and Lily are very much in love.

[bodhrancomedy]

I think one of the things concerning me about the response to Hogwarts legacy and discussing the antisemitism that pervades the entire story is people either apparently not being able to grasp what propaganda is or how it works, or being so desperate to absolve their childhood nostalgia that they’re swarming Jewish, trans, and POC’s comment sections with the most ignorant bad faith comebacks that make me ache for proper education.

“Are you saying that’s what Jewish people really look like? 😈”

No, you fucking waste of skin, I’m saying that a core element of propaganda against marginalised groups is caricature whereupon you take features that are more common among that group (like curly hair and bigger noses for Jewish people, or bigger lips for Black people, or epicanthal folds for Asian people for example) and exaggerate them to invoke feelings of disgust and separation.

These traits are completely positive/neutral on their own until bigots get a hold of their colouring pencils and set them up alongside fabricated or exaggerated slights to “the norm” like accusing Jewish people of killing Jesus or blood-libel or demanding money or stealing children - for fucks sake, Jewish children that could “pass” as Christian were regularly abducted in various time periods like the Ottoman Empire or goddamn Nazi Germany so it’s a projection - to create an image people wouldn’t get out of their heads.

And sometimes these piece of propaganda work their way into folklore and children’s tales because bigotry has a sticking power because you get to feel righteous and strong and we forget where they came from. Some people using goblins in the way JK Rowling did don’t know what they’re using is antisemitic propaganda, but the people whom the propaganda is aimed at have long memories for these things.

You gotta get acquainted with it and with it well so you can survive, so you can get the hell out of Dodge or stand up and face it.

So, once again…

Take a history class, I am BEGGING you.

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 48)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (43) & Jordan Nobbs x Leah Williamson Mini (5)

Masterlist (other parts here)

((**Just a little one tonight...I've been busy. Also it's very emotional...Sorry!**))

“Tell me everything.”

Leah downed her second drink in a row. “The awards are going to start.”

“Not for another twenty minutes…”

The England Captain sighed and put her head in her hands for a minute or so, YFN leaving her to her thoughts until she was ready. She came back up with decisiveness, looking at YFN.

“The first I heard of Mark was when I was promoting my book last year. I was promoting it around social media and all that, and one of the things I did was a sort of sit down talk with JK Rowling about it. She’s a children’s author, my book is for children, it just made sense to everyone, including my publishing agency. Anyways, Joe’s team were confident that it would be a massive boost for her after the previous comments she’d made. They planned it so that doing this little interview with me would make people start to like her again and boost her reputations back up and… well Mark didn’t like that. He approached me without my team around and told me to make sure the interview never came out. I talked to my team and Joe’s team and they didn’t seem surprised he’d done that. My team told him no. The next thing I know, he approached me with a video of…” Leah closed her eyes and shook her head as if to rid herself of the memories.

“Leah you didn’t…” YFN stopped herself.

“No! No, I didn’t cheat on Jordan. The video was of Jordan and I, but you couldn’t tell it was her. You could definitely tell it was me.”

YFN heart sunk and she reached out to touch Leah’s arm reassuringly. “How.. how bad was it?”

YFN could see the tears forming in her eyes. She pulled her head back almost looking at the ceiling as she tried to keep them at bay and dabbed her eyes. “I’m sorry, this is relief more than anything. You’re the first person I’ve told.” She met YFN’s eyes again with a small smile that wasn’t fooling anyone. “It was bad. You can see most of me naked and the back of Jordan’s head between my legs, though it just looks like it could have been anyone. The problem was me obviously coming on camera. We were near a window in a high-rise so the only thing I can think of is drone footage… I didn’t see it…”

She was the first person she’d told. Leah had kept it all to herself. She squeezed her arm.

“It’s not illegal to video someone inside their home, but it’s a strong case for being unethical..”

“Yeah, my lawyers eventually worked that one out. But I didn’t want to drag Jordan down in my mess. I thought I was going down, and I..” she looked over at Jordan. “I didn’t want to drag her down with me. She deserves better.” She looked back at YFN. “You would have done the same for Lucy.. I know you would have.”

It all started making sense to her then. Leah’s talk to YFN when she was arguing with Lucy about ‘don’t fall into the trap of pretending it’s for the best when it’s not. I’ve made that mistake and can’t watch you do the same..’

Leah broke up with Jordan because of this. Because of Mark. Her eyes searched for him in the crowd as she spoke.

“So you broke up with Jordan because you were worried he would make it public and ruin your career and Jordan’s by association. It’s taken your lawyers a little over a year to win the rights to the video, so you’re trying to win Jordan back, and now he’s threatening to leak it out of spite?” Her words were said between gritted teeth.

Her eyes scanned over Lucy, only pausing long enough to see her look of curiosity and worry at the expression on YFN’s face which she guessed was fierce.

“That sums it up pretty well actu-“

Leah cut herself off when YFN stood and left, walking towards the man she’d finally spotted in the crowd. She didn’t care where she was.

“You!” She said, standing in front of him. “You like threatening people and ruining relationships, do you? What exactly do you want?”

Mark looked a little embarrassed and waved the people he was talking to away. “Leave us, I’ll find you.” He turned to YFN. “You want to do this here and now?”

“You fucking started it.”

A hand grabbed hold of her arm and she didn’t have to look to know it was Lucy.

“YFN, don’t. It’s not worth it.” Leah pleaded from YFN’s other side, her hand also finding her arm as she murmured the next bit quietly. “Let the lawyers handle it.”

“I want to know,” she said, fists balled up. “What do you want?”

He looked around as if to make sure they weren’t making a scene before he bent down. “You know what I want. Joe-“

“Joe has nothing to do with us, and even if she did, we don’t represent whatever she did to hurt you. So leave us alone.”

Mark laughed. Actually laughed. “As if you don’t have enemies as well, YFN?”

“That’s enough,” Lucy growled over her shoulder.

“No,” he replied harshly with a glare at Lucy before his attention turned back to YFN. “This world is built on enemies. Take a think about those photos of you and your girlfriend at the airport, hm? I don’t live in Barcelona. None of the people who work for me do. So take a moment to rethink… do you have any enemies? Particularly ones in.. oh I don’t know… Barcelona?”

Her stomach dropped lower. The photos hadn’t been the best quality, and she’d wondered if they were taken from a phone. Of course they would have.

“K…Kristie?”

“Not so innocent, are you?”

Lucy took a step forward when they were interrupted.

“Lucy! Leah! It’s good to see you again!”

They turned and paled as William and Catherine approached. They looked stunning, William in a tux and Catherine in a dress.

The five of them composed themselves quickly enough that the tension went unnoticed.

Lucy greeted the pair first and then stepped back, placing a reassuring hand on YFN’s lower back. She was the only person who knew that Catherine was her ‘Joe’. Leah greeted them next with a textbook smile, teeth showing, followed by Jordan. Mark had managed to sneak away, but not before flashing YFN another look as if he’d won. She pretended not to see. After the pair greeted the three lionesses, William’s attention turned to her.

“YFN, right?” She curtsied slowly to get her thoughts together. How did he know who she was? Luckily he continued as he shook her hand with a smile. “You’re the manager of Lumos, the new company for women’s sports, yes?”

YFN nodded. “That’s me. Lovely to meet you.”

“Fantastic work. Absolutely fantastic. I’m into football myself, if you can’t tell,” he joked, gesturing to the three lionesses beside her. He stepped just far enough to the side for Catherine to give her a similar greeting. Gosh, she was good at pretending they didn’t know each other. YNF shook her hand also.

“William is a sports fan but even more so a football fanatic,” she explained as if she didn’t know. The eye roll really sold it.

YFN had done her research and knew that William was the President of the Football Association, amongst his other titles.

“Catherine spotted some football stars, knowing I couldn’t resist coming over and saying hello,” he grinned. Ah, that made sense. This was Catherine’s way of intervening. She must have seen. “Anything to get out whatever we were previously talking about.” He was cheeky, which was refreshing. “Have you heard of Lumos?”

Catherine nodded. “Yes, they seem like a wonderful new start up,” she turned to YFN. “Is it just for women’s football or will it be for other things?”

“Starting off with women’s football. Aiming to have full coverage over all leagues and internationals by the middle of next year. Following that we’ll expand to other female sports which are lacking attention like cricket and tennis, and from there we’ll see. As of right now its main purpose is to bridge that deficit of coverage of women’s sports.”

“That’s excellent,” William said. “And much needed. Women’s sports have a lot of supporters and it would give young girls better access to sportswomen to idolise growing up. I remember you all saying how difficult it was growing up without that..”

The lionesses nodded, and Leah stepped in as Captain, supporting her and mentioning how Lumos was already becoming very popular with the players around England.

They spoke for a little longer, the conversation made easy by William. He was great at talking in general and holding interest. They had to leave after five full minutes of conversation, apologising as they were expected to meet some more people before the awards started. YFN was fine with that, she had too much on her mind to be entertaining a conversation when she felt like she needed to be sick.

“Fucking Kristie,” Lucy growled when they’d left.

YFN didn’t say anything, the feeling of dread sitting there.

“What are you going to do?” Jordan asked softly.

“She violated her restraining order. I’m going to get airport footage of her there.”

YFN was almost zoned out, barely hearing as she tried to find Mark again. Kristie hovering around them left her nervous and scared, but she couldn’t get over the feeling that came with knowing what he’d done to Leah and Jordan without caring. Her eyes wandered but couldn’t find him and regardless, the trio wouldn’t have let her confront him again anyways.

“It’s not worth it,” Lucy said again. YFN looked at her harder than she ever had so she knew she was serious.

“Yes, it is.”

Her message got across and Lucy looked to Leah who was biting her lip. Jordan saw Leah hesitating and shook her head. She was done. She walked off. Lucy went to follow but YFN stopped her and her hand found Lucy’s, entwining their fingers. Lucy softened.

YFN turned to Leah. “We have ten minutes until we need to be seated, Leah.”

“I don’t deserve her,” she whispered. “I can’t drag her into this mess..”

“Leah…a mistake repeated more than once is a decision. Don’t make her decision for her again. Give her a choice, and give her the truth.”

Leah’s lips parted and her face fell as the words hit her hard. She nodded and walked over to Jordan. Lucy and YFN found a comfortable spot of their own and YFN told Lucy at the exact same time that Leah told Jordan. Lucy’s face fell and her head whipped around to find Mark, but was stopped by YFN catching her cheek with the palm of her hand.

“No, Luce. Not tonight.”

She planted a soft kiss to her cheek as Lucy calmed herself, turning to watch Leah tell Jordan. They’d never seen Jordan’s face drop so fast. She was distraught. Leah hadn’t left her because of her. Leah had left her to protect her. Jordan’s lips trembled and for the first time in a long time, she let Leah hold her, and stroke her back as she cried. Finally. Catharsis.

They’d all managed to tidy themselves up before the awards and they sat together in pairs, YFN noticing Leah’s hand was made open and available to Jordan which she eventually took. Their fingers laced together like Lucy’s and YFN’s while they listened to speeches and only then did she let herself relax and enjoy the fact that Lucy was here. She couldn’t help the looks of adoration.

“Your boxing class,” she murmured during a break.

“Pushed it to tomorrow,” Lucy smirked. “Figured some cardio on the day before El Clasico would be a good idea.”

YFN hummed her approval and gripped her bicep with her spare arm. “You came.”

“Of course I did, little one,” they shared a look, not really caring that they were in public. “Besides…I’m glad I did with this drama.”

“I’m glad you did too,” she sighed, her eyes finding Jordan and Leah again. “I really needed you tonight.”

She needed her every night, but she wasn’t about to admit that.

The awards were a nice distraction and they caught up with a few of the other lionesses: Alex Scott, Chloe Kelly, Mary Earps, Jill Scott and a few celebrities outside of football Leah introduced them to. After the drama of Mark, they’d all fallen into the enjoyment of the night and each other’s company. Most people left the venue quickly, however the four stayed and enjoyed the soft music and relaxed atmosphere as opposed to the chaos of the after party. YFN found herself slow dancing in Lucy’s arms, joined by several other couples who preferred that to a night club scene. They whispered sweet nothings to each other as they swayed, giving Leah and Jordan time to speak quietly at a table alone. Only when the conversation appeared to be ending, did they stop and join them.

They stopped for takeout on the way home, looking incredibly overdressed as they did so which amused them all. They sat and ate at the takeout place which was far too dirty for their clothes, but again, they were enjoying themselves and the company of each other. Somehow with all of her condiments, Lucy had managed to not drop any onto her outfit, and the trio let her know just how impressed they were. The table she’d been leaning over though…that needed a bucket and a mop. Her excuse was that she hadn’t eaten since lunch, though they knew her better than that.

They arrived back at Lucy’s house late, undressing, showering and getting into comfy clothes.

“I want to see it,” Jordan said.

Leah didn’t bother arguing. She knew she’d been wrong to keep it from her. She looked at YFN and Lucy who were already giving them space. It was none of their business.

Jordan watched the video with fear. It didn’t go for long, and it was exactly as Leah had described. They were in a high rise apartment they’d booked for a romantic night together in London. Leah was naked and propped up on pillows on the couch, and Jordan’s mouth was on her. It was impossible to tell it was Jordan as the couch arm cut off all of her body besides the head as it moved, her hands gripping Leah’s hips as she ate her. Leah was a mess at this point. Her hair was out and she was desperately chasing the high that Jordan was pushing her towards. She was a sweaty, moaning mess, unable to keep still, her hands finding Jordan wherever she could. The end of the video was Leah orgasming, her back arching and a whimper torn from her throat, her nipples excited and pointing to the ceiling. It was confronting to watch, even without sound.

They didn’t speak when it was done. Jordan handed her phone back wordlessly and Leah picked up her bag. Jordan walked her to the door. There hadn’t been any discussion on Leah not staying, it was just something they both knew was right.

“I love you,” Leah said from the doorstep, her bag slung over her shoulder. “I made a decision without involving you. I thought I was protecting you, but I took your choice away. I never stopped and will never stop loving you. I can’t change the past, but I can tell you here and now that I’ll give you everything, all of me, and I’ll never make a decision without you again. I’ve lost a year with you, and I can’t stand to lose another second. If you take me back and realise you can’t trust me….then I’ll bear that burden of pain and I need you to know that I’d never beg you to stay just for my feelings. I’d hold the door open and offer you everything I had, because you deserve everything, Jord. Just…think on it.”

Leah leant down slowly and kissed Jordan on the cheek one long, lingering kiss. Jordan’s head turned into her and their foreheads met, lips hovering over each others. Leah cupped her cheek and wiped away the tears that her words had drawn from Jordan. She was tempted to kiss her, but she was not going to make another mistake. It was Jordan’s choice from here on.

“You’re my person. I love you, Jord.”

And with that, Leah was gone, Jordan watching as she did. She watched her open her car door and toss her bag in. She watched her sit in her seat and put her seatbelt on. She watched her lips tremble as she exhaled her emotions, gripping the steering wheel. Her red eyes found Jordan on the doorstep with her arms wrapped around her body to shield herself from the cold. That should be her keeping her warm. She started the car as her own tears fell. Jordan watched until she could no longer see her car, her heart aching for those happy years with Leah again.

She went back inside and YFN was waiting for her with her arms out. Jordan planted herself there, letting her emotions out in loud sobs. Lucy came past and wrapped her arms around them both tightly, kissing Jordan on the head.

They ended up on the couch, Jordan crying herself to sleep in YFN’s arms, Lucy tucking a blanket over them. She settled herself on the adjacent side of the L-shaped modular couch, her head near theirs and her pinky finding YFN’s.

[unavailableapple]

I don’t really relate to the idea of “political homelessness” that a lot of people with similar opinions to me feel. This might be because of the difference with politics in my culture vs North American culture but… I don’t know, I don’t want a political party. I’m not a democrat and I’m not a republican. This is sort of the same reason I don’t call myself a radfem. I can’t stand the idea of seeing myself as part of an “in-group” with specific views and if you dare to disagree then you are no longer part of the in-group. Even though my beliefs are so similar to radical feminism that most people would consider me one, I do not claim the term because I don’t want to be part of a “group” or a “party” all my beliefs represent me alone and no one else. Similarly I don’t want to be judged for the opinions of others. I don’t know anything about JK Rowling and I’m not interested in someone trying to use me as an avatar to debate with her. We may agree on things but we’re not the same. This is not a Jubilee video titled “trans people vs crazy terf”, this is you (a human being) talking with me (a human being) about our differing beliefs.

Discussion and debate are very important to me and always have been. He/they/star/it-pronouned 14 year old me would be deeply unsettled by my views now. That’s okay. I am always changing my beliefs as I learn more. That’s life.

[sideprince]

Hello hello, love your blog and all the meta! Do you have any thoughts or saved meta on Snape’s accent? I don’t remember us seeing any indications in book-canon about him having an accent that stands out in any way, but I’d imagine that a poor boy growing up in the midlands (or in the north, as we thought before Spinner’s End was revealed to be in Cokeworth), to have a strong regional accent. Since this is an obvious class marker would he have tried to tone it down or hide it as he got older in Hogwarts? Thoughts?

Hello! Thank you, I'm always surprised anyone reads my posts so that's such a nice thing to hear! I've actually been thinking about Snape's accent lately so I love this ask and also get out of my head.

The books seem to show Snape speaking the Queen's English (ie. the dialect spoken primarily in the South of England and considered by some to be "proper" English, those people being dismissive of regional dialects in ways I personally don't agree with). This can be deduced more from seeing how the dialogue of characters like Dobby and Hagrid are written than anything else. Hagrid is written as speaking with a thick West Country accent, with a lot of "yeh" instead of "you" and "ter" instead of "to" etc. You also see similar clearly denoted regional dialects with characters like Mundungus Fletcher (whose accent is Cockney):

“Blimey,” said Mundungus weakly ___ “Keep your ’airnet on!” said Mundungus

-Order of the Phoenix, Ch. 2

“Well, you’re a bunch of bleedin’ ‘eroes, then, aren’t you, but I never pretended I was up for killing meself -”

-Deathly Hallows, Ch. 11

Because we see these characters with their pronunciations clearly written into their dialogue, we're meant to assume the other characters speak the Queen's English, as no specific dialect is otherwise indicated. McGonagall is Scottish but it's never mentioned that her accent might be as well, and her dialogue doesn't indicate it is either. In fact, if you do a quick search on potter-search.com for the word "Scottish" the only instance that comes up in any of the HP books - which are set in the Scottish Highlands with McGonagall as a prominent Scottish character - is at the end of Deathly Hallows when the dragon the trio break out of Gringotts deposits them in the middle of a Scottish loch. It’s the only time the word Scottish is used in the whole series. I think that says a lot about JK Rowling as the writer and what her own biases are when it comes to writing representatively of the places her story - and its characters - inhabit.

I don't think Rowling put that much thought into Snape's accent and where he's from. The underlying message is that the Queen's English is the "default" accent and peppering her books with regional dialect in the dialogue of folksy characters like Hagrid gives them a bit of color, or that giving someone like Mundungus a Cockney accent denotes his being an untrustworthy criminal (and it's not exactly a revelation that she has unchecked internalized biases that show through her writing). But I also think that she wrote Snape with Alan Rickman in mind and that made her vision of him a bit conflicting, ie. she wrote his backstory as growing up in a Midlands slum and yet he speaks like the RADA trained actor she envisioned him as in her mind.

That won't stop me from coming up with meta about Snape's accent, though! I've been thinking about it lately, actually, because I see a lot of posts that talk about how he must have lost his accent at school to fit in with the other Slytherins, since there are, historically, many pure-bloods and Sacred 28 families in that house and he would have had a hard enough time fitting in as it was. I've always thought these theories made sense but lately I've been wondering if there could be an alternate reading of Snape's accent.

We don't really know much about Snape's mother but I've thought about how she might have come from a reasonably well-off wizarding family, or at the very least from a higher class background than she ended up raising her son in. Although most Brits grow up speaking with the accent of their region, some do grow up speaking how they're taught to at home if it diverges from other locals. The example that comes to mind is how John Lennon always had a scouse accent having grown up middle class in Liverpool, while Paul McCartney - also from Liverpool - spoke the Queen's English because his mother insisted on teaching him to speak it at home, despite their family being working class, in order to give him a leg up through the classist confines of British social classes.

So my own meta has lately been to play with the idea that Snape always spoke with the accent we see his adult self speaking with, because his mother wanted him to have a chance to do better in life than what she was able to give him (again, given how classist British society is, and was especially back in the 60s). It may also explain why he had so few friends as a child: if he was raised to speak the Queen's English in a working class slum, the other children may have ostracized him for it and he may have inadvertently alienated them.

The idea that Snape has always spoken with the accent he has as an adult is partly supported by the conversations we see between Snape and Lily as children, where Snape's accent isn't written in the regional dialects we see other characters having. There are a few minor moments where young Snape seems to have a Northern lilt, but it comes off more as something that slips into his speech than characterizes it, when compared to Mundungus or Hagrid (emphases mine):

‘We’re all right. We haven’t got wands yet. They let you off when you’re a kid and you can’t help it. But once you’re eleven,’ he nodded importantly, ‘and they start training you, then you’ve got to go careful.’ ______ ‘They wouldn’t give you to the Dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban. You’re not going to end up in Azkaban, you’re too -‘ He turned red again and shredded more leaves. Then a small rustling noise behind Harry made him turn: Petunia, hiding behind a tree, had lost her footing. ‘Tuney!’ said Lily, surprise and welcome in her voice, but Snape had jumped to his feet. ‘Who’s spying now?’ he shouted. ‘What d’you want?’

-Deathly Hallows, Ch. 33

There's a bit of Northern in how he says "you've got to go careful" and shortens "do you" into "d'you" but overall his speech is fairly standard Queen's English. It sounds more like a kid trying to sound cool, the way the Weasley twins and even Ron often do (Ron saying "geroff" to his mum, the twins shouting "oy" to each other or saying "blimey" even though they all grew up in Devon and their speech is generally also written following standard Queen's English).

Young Snape's accent may also have been something that caught Lily's attention or just put her at ease - seeing this skinny, twitchy kid wearing odd looking clothes and looking uncared for and poor but hearing him speak with a more familiar accent and vocabulary would have made it easier for her to connect with him. We see from Petunia's dialogue as an adult that she speaks the Queen's English, so we can assume the two girls grew up speaking it at home. There aren't really any colloquialisms in her speech, and what little (and it's really so, so little) we see of Lily seems to show the same.

Some people claim that Snape’s Northern accent comes out when he's triggered, but I can't find examples of it. At his most triggered in the Shrieking Shack in PoA, he still speaks as he always does:

'SILENCE! I WILL NOT BE SPOKEN TO LIKE THAT!’ Snape shrieked, looking madder than ever. ‘Like father, like son, Potter! I have just saved your neck, you should be thanking me on bended knee! You would have been well served if he’d killed you! You’d have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black - now get out of the way, or I will make you. GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!'

-Prisoner of Azkaban, Ch. 19

Even in HBP when he's fleeing and Harry triggers him, his speech is consistent with hiw it’s written through the rest of the series:

'No, Potter!’ screamed Snape. There was a loud BANG and Harry was soaring backwards, hitting the ground hard again, and this time his wand flew out of his hand. He could hear Hagrid yelling and Fang howling as Snape closed in and looked down on him where he lay, wandless and defenceless as Dumbledore had been. Snape’s pale face, illuminated by the flaming cabin, was suffused with hatred just as it had been before he had cursed Dumbledore. ‘You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them - I, the Half-Blood Prince! And you’d turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father, would you? I don’t think so … no!’ Harry had dived for his wand; Snape shot a hex at it and it flew feet away into the darkness and out of sight. ‘Kill me, then,’ panted Harry, who felt no fear at all, but only rage and contempt. ‘Kill me like you killed him, you coward -‘ ‘DON’T -‘ screamed Snape, and his face was suddenly demented, inhuman, as though he was in as much pain as the yelping, howling dog stuck in the burning house behind them, ‘- CALL ME COWARD!'

-Half-Blood Prince, Ch. 28

There isn't really much in these moments to suggest a Northern accent coming out. So in a radical departure from the fandom, I've been mulling over the meta that Snape always had the accent we see him with. It's not as unlikely as people think, and certainly not impossible.

[drdemonprince]

something im kind of connecting the dots to re: your posts about shaming people who don’t wear masks…in ‘20 and ‘21 I spent a lot of time posting shaming instagram stories telling people they needed to mask, and i yelled at family until i was blue in the face bc they weren’t masking, having big weddings, etc. and it really created a rift (obviously) in my relationships. I’ve also spent a lot of time and energy in the past 4 or so years telling people that it’s not possible to be an ally to trans people if they still engage in any media created by jk rowling. Especially given that her anti trans manifesto has been cited in anti trans legislation in the uk, she says that she assumes that anyone who continues to engage with Harry Potter media approves of her transphobia, etc the list goes on. And yet i still see my friends going to the wizarding world of Harry Potter, marathoning the movies with their friends, going to see the new movies in theaters, and so on. Obviously my aggressive shaming posts and conversations (which have alienated a lot of people) aren’t doing jack shit. Your mask shame posts made me realize that it probably wasn’t right of me to do that. But I don’t see how I can stand up for what I believe in and show people that it’s not okay to keep doing this shit AND play nice and not create trouble. Do you have any thoughts?

Thanks for this great question and for sharing your experiences.

I think when we shame, part of it is a grappling with our own powerlessness. It feels terrible to confront that no matter how much we care, and no matter how much we plead, we cannot make another person take action. When people we love or rely on won't hear our pleas and won't take action, it wounds us so deeply, and it makes sense we react in anger or seek to shame them hoping it will make them care. But it isn't effective.

I think one of the first steps is accepting our powerlessness as individuals. We have to stop expecting ourselves to somehow persuade people to change their behavior and views, when all the research indicates that such change is rare, slow, and very hard, and cannot be accomplished on a person who does not already want to be influenced. We have to sit in the humility of not being able to make others care, and take time to grieve how badly it hurts. Our understandable and huge hurt feelings need to be processed. many of us have a powerful need to express our rage and have it witnessed by others who understand.

From there, we have to think very strategically about what kind of collective work we can do that will shift social norms, facilitate the behavior we want to see, and fight for systemic changes that will actually address the root issues.

This may be things like passing out masks at protests. Joining a local mutual aid fund to contribute to the expenses of people who are quarantining. Protesting an event space to make them institute a masking policy. Unionizing with our coworkers to demand paid sick leave. Shoplifting tests and redistributing them to people in need. Terrorizing the business leaders who dragged us all back into the office. Sharing the wastewater data. Asking loved ones about their COVID mitigation decisions in a sincere way. Organizing outdoor events for our communities. Paying for a buddy's vaccine.

There are countless ways for us to be plugged into an active community that is larger than us. The work is humble, and ongoing, and what you do personally will never be enough on its own, and you must accept that in order to believe that it does not have to be. We are in this together.

In short, I think the tough emotional realities of feeling disrespected and not cared for much be addressed by finding community with people who do care and will give us room to voice our outrage. And then we have to work together to create the circumstances that allow real systemic change to germinate.

Right now, people conflate that emotional need to express rage with the political need to take action. And what feels cathartic to do or say is not necessarily what's persuasive. There has to be room for both.

[azurejacques]

OK spoilery follow up to my last post on Somewhere Beyond the Sea- you have been warned!!

First off- I must admit that it was, quite genuinely, not until I read the acknowledgements that I realized that Janine Rowder is a stand-in for JK Rowling. I swear I use my brain sometimes, I just have a tendency to turn off the analytical part while I’m consuming media I’m enjoying.

Relatedly, I absolutely love TJ for not holding anything back at the end and calling JKR the fuck out, and calling himself the Anti-JKR; and as well for dedicating the book to the trans community.

It’s been a while since I read THITCS, so it took me a sec to remember everyone and everything, but omg still like Linus proposing to Arthur so quickly- 😭 my boy has come so far in his character development. And oh my god their wedding scene in the epilogue was so well done and so beautiful; it has that classic TJ Klune humor and I love the way the kids just ignore ceremony and tackle Arthur once he walks up to the podium.

The epilogue as a whole was so well-done, I love to see Marsyas blooming as a haven for magical folk and all people who see their vision, it works beautifully with the allegories for queerness and other oppressed minorities represented by magical people in this series; it reminds the reader that in hope there in strength, and we too can overcome and pave the path towards a better world.

And god, Arthur’s progress in this book was so good to watch unfold. For all the work and healing and processing he’d already done, there was much left to be done (and still is), and the way he (and the other grownups) not only helps the children, but they help him in turn is really well done; for example, Phee asking him to fly with her as the Phoenix, and everyone (Linus, Lucy) caring for him and helping him during and after his breakdown after hearing Marblemaw talking to Rowder on the beach. The amount of love, in small displays and great, is incredible in this book.

And Lucy, omg, I love him so much, his growth, too, is amazing to witness and he’s just so adorable, latching on to Linus and not wanting to go down after being picked up 😭

And I’ve kinda mentioned this before, but the ways in which the children begin to establish and express their autonomy is so well done, especially with Sal’s growth as a person. From being reserved and unspeaking (at least to those he’s not comfy with) due to trauma inflicted on him, to a brave teenager who will stand up for his siblings and make sure even his own fathers know when they’re wrong or don’t have the same perspective he or the kids in general do (e.g. the intersection of his identities as being both a magical person and a Black person, a perspective mainly limited to him (Zoe too, but also kinda not bc she hasn’t had as much interaction w humanity in the last… long while until recently)).

Such a great book

WAIT ZOE!! Omg I loved her arc and story in this book!! I love the way her character is done and how her status as protector of the island is highlighted and then it’s revealed that she is, in fact, Queen. It almost feels allegorical for how the movements and communities we have were built upon the work and literal ground of Black and Indigenous communities here in America (and especially Black trans folk!). Marsyas is her people’s land, and despite everything done to her and her family and people, she, with the help of her newfound allies, creates a new home for those who have been hurt and oppressed like her.

[rottensouldier]

In y’all’s efforts to say fuck Rowling, you ppl completely fucked up the dynamics of the characters/world. Oh boo hoo, Lily, a cis white skinned woman got called a blood related slur??? Pff.. James is now poc/black/desi/whatever the fuck so called ‘potterheads’ envision, but if he got called muggle slurs for racial people in the muggle world, he probably laugh it off. Never treated seriously. Double standards. That’s why you don’t fuck with certain things! Also; being gay was tattoo in 80s(so suck it, Wolfstar, Prongsfoot and Jegulus shippers)🤣

you know, you seem to know a whole lot about this fandom for someone who apparently hates it so much.

and hey, i get if u dont like it, thats fair, to each their own but you dont have to go through the trouble of memorizing all our ship names and the lore a lot of us actually stand against, as its source material by a woman we dont agree with. for a lot of us the whole point is exactly taking these ideas of characters and putting them into a context thats far enough removed from jk to make it our own thing.

(also just in case you've never heard of it: gay people still exsisted in the 80s, look up the stonewall riots if you need to. eradicating a whole sexuality because it was "taboo" makes you no better than people back then.)

[kerahlice]

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I don’t celebrate it but it was a good excuse to draw the lives of my life as characters from Moonrise kingdom

[russilton]

Feeling… conflicted about trans day of visibility this year.

I mean don’t misinterpret me at all, I am unendingly and deeply proud of the space we have demanded and carved out of society in blood and bone. That even against all attacks we continue to stand.

But man, being so visible is…terrifying sometimes. So many cis, and even other trans people seem to forget that while being somewhat undetectable can lead to misgendering, it also affords a quiet safety when you’re outside. Plausible deniability in the face of hostility even if it fuckin sucks to go through. I don’t… have that anymore. Between my beard and my chest I am glaringly visible, and that means being starred at everywhere you go. Eyes that sit on you and faces that look anywhere from wary to openly hostile. Bathrooms become these unknown daunting places where you’re just waiting to be questioned.

When I go out alone it’s hard to not wait for someone to confront you- it’s rare, but it has to happen to someone. It’s exhausting. Being hidden is exhausting too. Waiting for treatment is exhausting. Every part of trans existence in the U.K. feels like a heavy weight while cis people assume you’re fine because it’s not openly illegal anymore, and shrug off when you try to explain the landscape people like jk Rowling and the fuckin prime minister are crafting.

I know this isn’t the visibility tdov is taking about, but it’s impossible not to remember while reading the name. And if I don’t get it off my chest it’ll be another weight sitting there

[marvelsmostwanted]

The NYT defending JK Rowling in the year of our lord 2023… as if we needed more proof that they are wildly out of touch. Especially after their contributors just (!) sent a very reasonable and respectful request for them to actually adhere to their own journalistic standards when discussing transgender and non-binary people. It’s heartening to see people speaking up on behalf of the trans community, but at the same time upsetting to see some other NYT contributors and defenders scoff at these accusations, not caring about the very real impact on vulnerable trans and non-binary folks. These articles have literally been used in legal arguments to support banning gender-affirming healthcare. And they don’t even stand up to basic journalistic standards! Any reader should be outraged, and the doubling down just proves the point even more: The NYT has repeatedly failed to report responsibly on this topic.

[bonyassfish]

You know, at first I could chalk up the antisemitism of the goblins in the books and movies as accidental residue from the deep deep well of antisemitism which exists all throughout European folklore. It’s antisemitic, sure, but I am not sure it was intentional. At least, that’s how I engaged with it as a teenager before jk rowling became a full blown terf But now with the extremely overt antisemitism of the new hogwarts game (which seems quite intentional), I’ve started to re-think about how I feel about the original series in terms of antisemitism. Long post ahead 

Goblins aside (though it’s a real yikes!!!!), one thing that bothers me on reflection is if I think about the context of voldemort being a clear stand in for hitler. It’s obvious that rowling thinks about ww2 in the way a lot of British white non-Jews think about it, which is to say that the Jews (and Roma as well) are sort of an afterthought, that our near total slaughter in Europe is less important than how some vague notion of “good” triumphed over “evil” 

And that vagueness of good and evil, with no address to the victims of genocide, or even a desire to change the systems of oppression leading to a fascist genocidal dictator, is reflected in the original harry potter books. Harry and co never really seek to change the strict racial hierarchy of the wizarding world, except maybe to be a bit nicer to people like hermione. In fact, the oppressed classes of the wizarding world are either working with voldemort (werewolves, except for 2) or neutral to it (elves, except for 2) or use war for their own profit (Jews, oh my bad, (((goblins))) ) 

It’s a reflection of a country where most children learn about the holocaust through shit like the “the boy in striped pajamas”. Victims of genocide are vague, hollow people who are only there to relieve you that you wouldn’t be part of their genocide. And now, with this new game…it’s so much more blatant and overt than I could ever imagine. And I hate being told I’m imagining it, that I’m the real antisemite for noticing antisemitic canards. Like yeah, obviously I don’t think the goblins look like Jews. I think they look like antisemitic caricatures of Jews. I’m not imagining it. We’re not imagining it. The short, big-nosed, oppressed greedy bankers are kidnapping good Christian (oops I mean wizard!) children? Oh, and they blow a horn? Don’t think about the fact that it looks suspiciously like a shofar. 

And even like, people who are saying they won’t play the game are mostly talking about the antisemitism as an afterthought, if at all. why does it always feel like we’re an afterthought? like yes of course we need to talk about jk rowling’s transphobia, but in the context of this game specifically, you can’t blame us for wanting everyone to pay a little more attention to the antisemitism

[tryskomys]

MOONCHILD

Remus Lupin x OC reader

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆ read chapter one here ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆

THE HESPERIDES (Ἑσπεριδες): the goddess-nymphs of evening and the golden light of sunsets.

synopsis: Two Marauders murdered, one rotting in prison. The shattered group has left behind only rubble - the remaining duo is summoned by Albus Dumbledore to share the open Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher position. The nostalgic stay at Hogwarts only reinforces the Fiendfyre of unspoken emotions they both buried deep inside for decades, unwilling to hurt each other. Remus and Hesperia move through the castle’s busy days as the ghosts of their past haunt the stone walls and remind them that the peace they so desperately fought for is still uncertain.

notes: here’s some backstory for this work! I’m not very experienced in writing reader-insert stories, but I wrote this with an ambiguous female reader in mind. I just don’t really feel comfortable with using the term “y/n” in text…kind of takes me out of the story when I write it, you know? So I decided to choose a substitute name that’s symbolic and simple at the same time! Think of it as a nickname, a cool stand-in token. The features of our heroine are very vague and as bendable as possible, except for the mentions of greying hair, scarring and a nameless unusual eye color, which are all an essential part of the story.

I certainly didn’t want to quote any existing scenes word for word, so the events and vignettes are a cluster of material from the English books, the translated Czech books (which slightly differ), movies, headcanons, and my imagination that I threw into a cauldron and mixed until this story came out!

I hope you’ll enjoy this ride and that I’ll do justice to the story that we all cherish and love <3

(ps.: jk rowling sucks bye)

Tag list: @wickedsingularity @messyr-moons

[roadtogracelandx45]

Royals part 1

Masterlist

*this is it going to be cannon complaint, most everyone will end up living in books 4-7. I don't agree with anything that JK Rowling has said. Just like playing in her world a bit.*

0.01

I've never seen a diamond in the flesh

Amos Diggory scrubbed his hand over his jaw again as he made his way into his house, he could hear his children’s laughter come from the backyard and his heart sank deeper into his stomach

Celeste was back, she had been in Egypt with the Weasley family visiting Bill, the oldest son, as a reward for her passing grades in all of her classes. Cedric, her older brother, got a new broom.

He had hoped that she would have spent the night with Ginny again before coming home but he supposed after spending a week and a half with them after spending all school year, she needed a break. He didn’t want to break this news, he didn’t want to destroy everything both Celeste and Cedric knew.

“Amos, dear? What’s wrong?” His wife Anne asked as she came out of the house. “He has escaped from Azkaban.” “Who? Sirius? That’s not possible.”

“It is possible, they don’t know how he did it but he’s out. And they are worried he is going after both Celeste and Harry.”

“He doesn’t know about her. Aurora was positive about that.”

Aurora was Amos’s little sister who had a heated relationship with Sirius Black, a relationship that had resulted in Celeste and later Aurora’s death.

“We can’t be sure of that.”

The laughter grew and a quaffle flew up to the tip of the house the younger Diggory sibling darted up and caught it before dropping back down.

“They are putting extra protections on Harry and insisting on it for her until school starts. Mad-Eye suggested Tonks.”

Nypmhdora Tonks had been at Hogwarts when their children were in their second year and she had forged a friendship with them. Cedric on the Quidditch field and Celeste in detention. She also happened to be Celeste’s cousin. The hope was that having her around would ease the new rules' tension and sting.

“We will have to talk to her first, I don’t want this being sprung and throwing her for a loop.”

Amos nodded before calling back to his children to come inside, that they had something they needed to talk about.

***

The Diggory siblings were the exact opposite of each other, Cedric was tall, serious, and blonde and Celeste was tiny, with dark hair, and was a troublemaker. Her lists of detentions, many of which were with the Weasley Twins and Lee Jordan, spoke for itself.

But they balanced each other out. Good and bad, ying and yang. And they were both fiercely protective of each other.

“Hullo Dad,” Celeste grinned, her gray eyes lighting up in excitement as she approached him. The two weeks she had been in Egypt cast a healthy golden glow on her skin and hair. It was like being there had been a good reset for her. From what McGonnall had written home to them about was her having night terrors and a series of health issues that they were assured that Madame Pomfrey could handle.

“Hullo love.” Amos returned as he hugged her, “ Enjoy your trip?” Celeste blabbed for a moment about it and the necklace that Bill had helped pick out for her, even holding it out to show him.

“We have to talk about something.’

“Oh?” It was Cedric who spoke from the kitchen doorway. “You heard about Sirius Black breaking out Azabkan right?”

Celeste nodded her head, “One of the guys Bill works with brought a poster over to us. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked like they had seen a ghost when they saw it. They herded us all together. We couldn’t figure out why.”

“We can tell you why.”

Amos said glancing over at his wife and then back at Celeste who now had Cedric standing by her. “He is your father.” Deciding to say it like ripping off a band-aid would be best but the look of pure confusion and heartbreak on Celeste’s face made him regret it. “But, but you are my father.” She started confused. “It’s a long story.” “We have nothing but time Dad.” Cedric spoke, “Tell us everything from the start.”

“Maybe we should sit down.’ Anne commented giving her son a look to help Celeste over to the couch. It would be easier to take if she was sitting down. “No just tell me the truth.” The young girl shook her head, she was afraid that even with Cedric’s help she wouldn’t be able to move.”My sister Aurora was two years behind me. In the same year as James Potter and his friends.”

The last name Potter rang clearly in both Celeste and Cedric’s head, Harry Potter was two years below them and the Weasley twins and was best friends with the twins’ younger brother Ron. The two of them were almost like Celeste and the twins getting into trouble whether it was on purpose or not. And he was also the boy who lived, the boy who defeated the greatest dark wizard of their time as a baby. If you asked Celeste it was too much pressure to put on a boy especially one that had grown up in the Muggle World.

“Aurora like you was in Gryffindor and was especially good at getting out of trouble. And she was fast friends with James, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. And later on Lily.” Amos shook his head, Celeste didn’t need the whole long gorry story, he knew that Aurora had recorded it in her diary and Celeste could go digging for answers if she really wanted to, “When she was about your age is when she started dating Sirius.”

“They were almost as infamous as James and Lily.” Anne cut in to give her husband a break, “They were together up until James and Lily had to go into hiding. Sirius thought it would be best if your mother came to stay with us. She found out about you while she was here with us.”

Cedric gripped his sister’s elbow in his hand, out of his own anger and confusion. He was surprised and hurt that his parents kept this from her and from Celeste. The one person who deserved to know the most.

“And then you know what happened with James and Lily getting killed,” Amos said after he put his glasses back on, he had taken them off to clean them and rub his eyes, he had always dreaded doing this. He had hoped and prayed that he didn’t have to ever tell her but luck wasn’t on their side and she had to know. And it was breaking their hearts, “And Harry being raised with his Muggle relatives.”

There was a flash of anger in Celeste’s grey eyes as she pulled her elbow out of her brother’s grip, “Relatives that mistreat him and told him nothing of our world or his parents.”

The Diggory girl had felt very protective of the Potter boy after seeing him for the first time on the platform to board the Hogwarts Express, the protective feeling grew the more she got to know him. She had saved her pocket money and bought him something for Christmas and his birthday the following year.

No one ever deserved to be treated like that.

And no one deserved to be lied to like she had been all of her life. “May I be excused?” She asked after several long moments, she was afraid that she would lose her composure and start sobbing. She was lost and confused and there were only two people other than her brother that she trusted at this point and that would be the twins, unfortunately, they were still in Egypt but she could write to them and they could reply when they could.

Amos nodded his head numbly watching as she fled up the stairs and slammed the door shut, he didn’t blame her for being upset, he would be too. “I will go and talk to her,” Cedric commented after swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, she needed someone on her side. Someone who was lied to just like she was, and was almost as hurt as she was.

[todaslocas]

Do you think I want to like Harry Potter? Do you think I want to like something whose success is universally considered a fluke? Do you think I want to like something people say is derivative, bland, and OBJECTIVELY bad, and we only liked because we were dumb kids who had no standards (because OBVIOUSLY kids have no standards)? Do you think I want to like something so problematic? Do you think I want to like something written by someone who HATES me and everything I stand for?

I don’t have a choice. However problematic it is or how “objectively” bad it may be, it meant something to me. I can’t change that. And it really hurts when people say the story is OBJECTIVELY bad, because it implies anyone who likes it is wrong. Do you know how much it pains me that I, a trans woman, still like Harry Potter?

We exist, you know. The trans people who can’t let go of stories that meant something to them. I know in the grand scheme of things this isn’t that big of a problem, “oh no, I got too attached to the problematic wizard story.” But can we just accept that it’s OK if it meant something to people? That all the emotions it made people feel, even if they were just kids (who do have emotions), were real and valid? I can read other stories, sure, but they’re not that story. No two stories create the exact same emotions, and calling it “objectively bad” feels invalidating to those experiences and emotions.

That being said, I had to redo this post because some JKR fan found it and reblogged it. I hate the fact that saying this at all makes me susceptible to it, but it is what it is. So I wanted to add a little section down here just for clarification, and to make sure no TERFs reblog it without having to out themselves with their commentary. For as much as I like Harry Potter, I do NOT support JK Rowling. Holding on to how her books made you feel is not akin to agreeing with ANYTHING she says. I do not support her views, I do not support her financial success, and I do NOT support the problematic political commentary present in her novels. She is not a feminist, she is a bigot. If you want to read Harry Potter (which you should do critically as to not absorb the problematic parts), check it out at the library so she doesn't get any of the money. Or better yet, find the pdf online so you don't support her at all!

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 42, JK Rowling is afraid of ham

AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!!!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!!!!!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?? If dey don’t den JKR is hamophobic!!!!!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!!!111

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I sat depressedly in Daddy Till’s office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Daddy Till was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song. Hedwig couldn't take it anymore and flew around the office.

“What da hell is this anyway??” he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn’t find out dat I was frum another time. Even though I had already told everyone that I was from a different time, they had children and those kids could just not keep their hands off me. I had not exactly been subtle about the time travel at all! AT ALL!!!!!

“Whatever u do don’t blame Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers, u jerk.” Satan said. "Nothing bad that ever happens is her fault!"

“Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together.” Serious said deviantly.

“Be quiet you Satanists.” Daddy Till cockled. “If ur lucky I’ll probably send u all to Akazaban!!! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall.” He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n’Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Daddy Till didn’t notece. He was too busy cockling secretly behind his desk. I knew he loves me too.

“You fucking poser.” I muttoned.

“I bet you’ve never herd of GC.” James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly’s tim machine!!!!!11

“Shut up Jomes!!!” Richard's dad shouted. Well, not dad I guess. Not yet. But he knows that

“Yeah shut up!!!!” Snake said preppily.

“No u shut up Daddy Till!!!!!!!!1111” said Tom.

“I’ve had enough of u Satanists in my school!!!!” shouted Daddy Till spuriously.

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. “Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8!!! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was……..Satan.

“You dunderheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111” screamed Daddy Till wisely as we went.

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.

“Hey kool where iz dis?” he asked in an emo voice.

“Dis is da future. Daddy Till’s iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine.” I told him.

“Kool what’s an ipatch?” he whimpered.

“It’s somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music.” I yakked.

“OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?” he esked in his sexah voice.

“Um I guezz sand????” I laid confuesdly.

“Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon.” He triumphently giggled.

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

“OMG you’re fucking alive!” said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive. And why she was in the story. And why she suddenly liked me. And where she had been all this time. And that she was totally not some rando who just showed up because I had a fight with my friend again and I needed a stand in. She was made of cardboard.

“Konichiwa, bitch.” said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

“Hey, motherfucker.” Said Diabolo with his red hair. He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.

“Hey whose that, Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Raven Face Landers?” Frau Schneider questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.

“Oh its Satan.” I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.

Suddenly Satan started to cry.

“Are you okay Satan?” we asked concernedly.

“OMFG ur from da future!!1! What if u don’t like m anymore koz were from difrent times?????” he asked.

“No I still like you.” I said sexily to him.

“Ok.” He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. Diabolo was the most boring person in the school and only there when I needed a stand in for Richard or Vampire. Much like his sister. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!!!!!!!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.

“Oh my fucking god, where’s Richard!!!!111 How did Snap get back here!!! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan.” I asked sadly.

“Paul Darkness Alzheimer Omnipotentia Landers I was so worried abott u but I know you can’t fucking die because you’re a vrompire. Even though you have died like 7 times already but I guess some people just won't die. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student. For no reason whatsoever and we just need someone to bitch at so that one person you know in your life had to do” Trevolry said reassuredly.

“That bitch!!!!!!!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?” I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. No reason as to why whatsover

“Yes they are on the loose at this school. Daddy Till is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!!!!!!” Trevolry said worriedly.

“OK. But where’s Richard???? How cum he was doing it with Snap?????”

“I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself.” she said. "Also that wasn't Snape, that was the nice one, Flake. Snape is the evil one and he has been posing as Professor Flake all this time!"

“OMG dat’s terrible!!!!!!!!” I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn’t tell what was going on. Then I said “Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!!!!!!!!!” wiv dat I ran out.

“Good luck Yoda!!!!!!!11” everyone cried.

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

“You fucking bitch!!!!!111” I shouted angrily.

“No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!” she laughed.

“Crucious!!!!!!!!!1” I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically. (pontificating is a hard word and definitely used wrong here)

“No!!!!!!1 Help me!!!!!!1 Please!!!!!!!!1” Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. “OMG Vampira!!!!111” I yielded.

There was a magical cow in the great hall. We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow, the newest product from Apple. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!!!1)“I wus so worried you died!” moaned Vampire.

“I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me.”

“Where’s Richard?” I asked spuriously.

“Richard? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?” Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.

“I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM.” I SED SMARTY.

“I’ll do it den.” Harry said angstily.

“OK.” I argreed. Suddenly……….all da lights in da room went out. And den…….da Dork Mark appeared.

“Oh my fucking satan!!!!!” Harry shouted.

“I fink Voldimort has arrivd.” I sed anxiously. “Fuck, I have to find Richard!!1 I guess we shood separate.”

“Ok.” Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.