#we do not even get to see phee ever process it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

amberjazmyn · 5 months ago

Text

you are my sunshine 💔🫶

pairing : max verstappen x fem!reader

summary : with the lyrics of christina perri's "you are my sunshine" we learn about max and ophelia verstappen's miscarriage that they never publically posted until now when they've gone through their grieving process and the process of them finding out and announcing their first rainbow baby which then ends with them having three kids.

warnings : mention of miscarriage, rainbow baby announcement, crying, sadness that turns into happiness, song lyrics (does christina perri also need a warning?)

a/n : i wanted to rewrite and retransform my jared padalecki miscarriage chapter for someone new who is max verstappen so, that is what i'm doing. however, this isn't going to be sad the entire time so, don't worry you won't be crying/sad the entire read. as always, song lyrics are italicised bold, flashbacks are italics and present time is normal font. whilst the wags of the f1 racers are the same, except for max's obviously so kelly and p do not exist in this timeline. also, again, dodgy english to dutch translation will be used.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey!

ophelia verstappen, wife of formula 1 red bull driver max verstappen, had just been given the best news that she could have ever found out. she was pregnant with their first child. she couldn't believe that finally, she was going to become a mum and her husband, max, was going to become a dad.

she frantically found herself putting together a box of things to surprise max with to let him know the amazing good news that she had just found out moments ago. just as she was finishing her set up for the surprise, she quickly set up her phone so she could film her husband's reaction when the front door opened and her husband's loud, dutch accent and language reverberated throughout the house. staring at the camera with a frightful look, she waited for her dutch native husband to come into the kitchen, where she had placed the surprise present for him to open.

"goedemiddag schatje! ik ben thuis!" max called out in dutch as ophelia smiles at the camera after it first made her jump as she waits for her husband to come into the kitchen good afternoon baby! i'm home!

"hé schat, ik ben in de keuken!" ophelia calls out as max giggles as he puts his stuff down in the entryway of the house, minus his phone and walks into the kitchen to see his wife hey baby, i'm in the kitchen!

"hey schat!" max mumbles as he swoops in, not even noticing the fact that his wife was filming the both of them as he pulls her in for a hug as she chuckles hey, baby!

they talk for a few minutes more in dutch without max even realising the present on the counter right in front of him nor his wife's iphone that was filming them until ophelia nudges him and forces him to notice the present.

"oh, schat, ik heb ook een klein cadeautje voor je," ophelia forces her husband to notice the present as he chuckles, placing his phone in his red bull hoodie pocket as he then looked down at the counter - finally noticing the white box in front of him oh, babe, i also got you a little present

"phee, schatje, waarom? het is niet mijn verjaardag of kerstmis of zoiets! waarom heb je mij een cadeau gegeven? fuck, vertel me alsjeblieft niet dat ik een verjaardag van ons heb gemist!" max panics as he tries to remember if he had missed any anniversaries or anything as he loosened the pretty bow and opened the lid of the box phee, babe, why? it's not my birthday or christmas or anything! why did you get me a present for? fuck, please don't tell me i missed an anniversary of ours!

but, in saying that though, max was very sceptical in opening the box lid which made ophelia laugh but also riddled her with anxiety that maybe, he wasn't exactly ready for a baby and to become a father. or that he even wanted to become a dad. i mean, they were still pretty young, the both of them in their mid-twenties. and, right now, max was in his prime with formula 1 right now, winning many races throughout the season. so was it the right time? however, all that fear and anxiety went away instantly the moment when max just fell into ophelia's embrace and immediately started to burst out into cries of happiness. she knew it was happy tears due to the way she watched her husband's face contort before he hid it in her shoulder.

"baby, are you serious?" max whispered, his dutch failing him as the couple hugged, max was not able to speak any louder as ophelia giggled and nodded her head

"ja, ik meen het absoluut, schat, ik ben zwanger!" ophelia spoke softly in dutch and lovingly with excitement as max just stayed silent as he hugged his wife tighter as she giggled yes, i'm absolutely serious babe, i'm pregnant!

"how far along? does it say on the, on the thing?" max mumbled to himself, still not trusting his dutch as he grabbed the clearblue pregnancy test to see how long his wife was in her pregnancy when he smiled - she was around five weeks along

"ben je blij schat?" ophelia mumbled as she giggled, max nodding his head as he wiped his tears away as he chuckled softly you happy baby?

"you're five weeks along, i'm more than happy baby! we're gonna be parents! we're going to have a little family of three!" max spoke softly as he smiled the brightest he had ever smiled since their wedding day

"ik weet het, maxie, het is gek!" ophelia giggled as max then grabbed his phone to take a photo before ophelia stopped him i know, maxie, it's crazy!

"wat ben je aan het doen schat?" ophelia giggled as she sat herself up on the kitchen counter next to the box that was used for the announcement what are you doing babe?

"i want to post it to instagram... and tell the rest of the f1 fam..." he trailed off like a kid as ophelia giggled as she had now stopped filming on her phone

"...how about we just keep it between us, i'm already five weeks which means i'm not that far away from being twelve weeks which is when it's recommended to tell people since that's when concerns for pregnancy loss drop around this time. we only have to wait six more weeks until we can tell people, do you think you can wait for that long?" ophelia explained, switching to english as max placed his phone down and nodded his head, wrapping his arms around his wife and now their little baby

"that's absolutely fine with me babe! i can definitely wait six more weeks before telling people! but, holy crap phee! you're actually pregnant with an actual human being just chilling in you right now! we made that!" max started to rail off as ophelia laughed at her husband as she nodded her head

" i know babe! we've actually made a full-on human that's literally growing inside of me right as we speak! just a little crazy but, i'm so excited!" ophelia spoke in between bouts of laughter as max shook his head, a big smile on his face as he hugged his wife again

°∘❉∘°

six weeks had passed when the verstappen's had been given the all-clear with telling people about their pregnancy. and right now, thankfully, it was off-season of the f1 competition for a few months and were all off in their hometowns with their own friends and families which made it difficult to tell them in person. until ophelia remembered the group chat that they had with each other and decided to tell him that way since it would be a little bit until they'd all reunite with each other so, group chat was the best way to tell them.

f1 grid + wags

max, pierre, lando, lewis, daniel, charles, george, oscar, carlos, checo, kika, alexandra, heidi, lily, rebecca and ophelia

max

george, pierre, lando, lewis and 11 others have reacted to this photo

pierre

wait hold up!

lando

oh my god!! congratulations you two!!

kika

you can't just do that and leave the chat!!! max, ophelia's actually preggers?!

daniel

duuuuuuuuuuuudddddeeee ain't no way! congratulations! that's amazing news!

lewis

wait, phee, you've been pregnant how long?! when the fuck did this happen?!

alexandra

max! phee! you guys i'm crying! congratulations i'm so happy for you!

ophelia

awe, thank you, guys! and lewis, to answer your question, i've been pregnant for twelve weeks! when i did the test, i was five weeks pregnant and basically, max wanted to tell everyone, and post it on social media but, i wanted to wait until now basically!

daniel

omg, this is insane! so, wait, you were pregnant when we all last saw each other at wdc, basically? is that what you're saying?!

kika

holy crap phee! you're really preggers!

lewis

jesus christ girl! you and max are actually gonna be parents!

ophelia

yeah, that is exactly what i'm saying danny, and i didn't even know! because as mentioned before, when i took the test, it said i was over two weeks pregnant and then when i went to my doctor and told her, she basically confirmed that i was five weeks after she had connected the dots to everything i had told her previously

lando

this has got to be an april fool's joke right?! like, this ain't no way at all that max has knocked his wife up!

daniel

lando! that is inappropriate! i am so sorry ophelia!

ophelia

sorry little lando, it isn't an april fool's joke because one, it's not april and two, max has knocked his wife up and he did a pretty damn good job of it too!

ophelia

haha, danny, it's all good, but i have to admit, reading you tell off your former teammate over text is quite funny

charles

and this is why ophelia is my favourite wag! i'm sorry! and, congratulations darling!

oscar

hear hear charles! i think we all agree!

lily

oh, absolutely charles! i agree also!

lewis

as do i!

daniel

oh yeah, favourite wag ever!

max

and, to end this off, i too agree in saying that ophelia is my favourite f1 wag!

lando

okay yep, i'm sorry! i was wrong, you guys are right!

charles

wait, phee, now that you are twelve weeks pregnant, and you're telling us, will you be announcing it to social media or do you think you'll wait a little longer?

ophelia

umm, funny thing, maxie and i just had this conversation and, since we honestly had no itch to tell our followers but had the itch to tell you guys, i think he and i will wait a little bit longer before telling everyone on social media!

charles

oh yeah, that's absolutely fair! well, if you and max can wait then, so can everyone else i mean, what they don't know won't hurt them!

pierre, lando, lewis, daniel and 9 others sent heart.

kika

smart choice phee! but, omg, i'm still trying to believe that you're actually preggers! you're growing an actual human inside of you, right now!

ophelia

i know kika! max was constantly saying the same thing which would constantly make me laugh because he was right! i'm literally growing a whole ass human inside of me!

however, not even a full two weeks after this group chat conversation, as everyone was brought together in excitement for the verstappen's and their exciting pregnancy news, ophelia's biggest and worst nightmare came true - miscarrying their baby.

you'll never know dear, how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away.

only days before ophelia miscarried their baby, was she singing a sweet, famous lullaby to her belly that only sported a little rounded bump. as she sang the words of christina perri's cover version of "you are my sunshine". she was sitting on the couch, her feet resting underneath her bum as she sang whilst her hands rested on her bare pregnant tummy. with her husband home from work, max smiled as he sat down next to his wife, his head resting on her shoulder as he was the third and fourth hands to join in the rubbing/resting on the pregnant belly.

"you'll never know how dear, how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away," ophelia sang softly to the little baby that was peacefully resting in her belly as max smiled lovingly

"Ik ben benieuwd of baby verstappen een jongen of een meisje wordt," max spoke softly, as not to disturb the gorgeous serenity that was his wife's singing voice and what it brought to the baby as she smiled i wonder if baby verstappen will be a boy or a girl

"zolang baby verstappen gezond is en ik gezond ben, dat is het enige dat telt, schat," ophelia whispered back as max nodded his head, more than satisfied with his wife's answer as long as baby verstappen is healthy and i'm healthy, that's all that matters babe

the happy couple and their baby just rested against the couch for the rest of the night as they watched movies on netflix before the night drifted away from them and it was suddenly coming close to 11 pm - time for the verstappen's to go to sleep.

however, for some off reason, ophelia couldn't seem to get herself to fall asleep comfortably because she was suddenly starting to feel some pain which, wasn't just worrying her but also max. thinking she could get through the pain, ophelia just tried to slowly move through it like she usually would when she'd cramp up, however, this time, a searing pain went through her whole body which led to the loudest scream to fall from her mouth. this was when ophelia and max knew that this wasn't normal and that they needed to get to the hospital quickly.

max verstappen, straight away, everyone knows that he is very levelheaded and calm and collected. however, for the first time in what felt like forever, he didn't feel like that. but, he knew he had to be when his wife couldn't be. so, calming himself down to the best of his abilities, he picked ophelia up, being mindful of the stabbing pain she was in and her slight pregnant belly that had reduced his normally composed wife to tears. quickly, via voice control, sending a text to the f1 grid group chat, letting them know. then messaged charles and his girlfriend alexandra because they were the other couple from the grid who they knew were definitely still in monaco. messaging them to see if they were able to meet up at the hospital with them, just for some extra support since the verstappen's were in the netherlands currently. the group chat was bombarded with worries and prayers whereas charles responded straight away saying he was ten steps ahead due to being the first one seeing the messages from the group chat.

thankful for their f1 grid, ophelia and max got into their car, on their way to the hospital at 11:30 pm. then, fifteen minutes later, the verstappen's had been given the heartbreaking news that, in fact, they had miscarried baby verstappen at just over twelve weeks.

the other night dear, as i lay sleeping, i dreamed i held you in my arms.

ophelia couldn't dare to fall asleep knowing now that she had lost her baby. she couldn't even think about sleep anymore now that all she'd dream about is holding her newborn baby with max next to her as they both cried tears of joy, relief and content for their new child. but, that was no longer the dream that they were going to be getting in real life in nine months. in nine months, the husband and wife would probably still be crying over this loss when it came to the guessed due date. max was broken by the fact that ophelia wasn't sleeping. it broke his heart every night that whilst she laid in bed beside him, not able to fall asleep, he could fall asleep. it honestly made him feel like he wasn't grieving properly or that he had stopped grieving entirely or that he wasn't upset at all. it made him feel like he was being an awful husband for not staying awake for her whilst her brain ran wild whilst he slept like it didn't bother him. but, it did bother him. it bothered max so much more than he allowed people to know, including ophelia. every time max closed his eyes, all he saw was the innocent little baby that was going to be his and ophelia's first child, their first love. but, by the time he woke up, the image would be gone in the blink of an eye so when he closed his eyes again, the image would have changed to the moment in the hospital where the doctor had confirmed the news that was always going to haunt the couple for the rest of their lives - that they miscarried their first child.

most times, when he knew that she wasn't paying attention or was away at work since apparently, she was fit to work again, max would let himself cry because he knew that when his wife wasn't at home or paying attention, he knew he wouldn't get caught or be heard. since it was so easy when ophelia was working, the way he'd cry when he did know that ophelia was home would be to go upstairs into the room where his simulator system is set up, where the room was soundproofed and he would just cry and cry and cry himself raw until he couldn't cry for the rest of the day. then, after he finished weeping, he'd emerge from the room as if everything was normal and totally fine. only to go back to sleep next to his wife and then wake up to do it all over again the very next day, depending on whether or not ophelia would be working or not. since it was very rare for max to cry, it was clear that this loss of his first child was gut-wrenching for him. he hated that he was crying himself out all on his own whilst his wife was working or when she was laying on the couch watching tv, absolutely clueless as to why he would be spending so long in the sim room or wondering why he slowly stopped telling her how his day went when she was at work. max silently hoped that one night, he left the office door open on a day that he knew ophelia wouldn't working and had her hear him cry and hoped he did because, the last time he cried over the miscarriage, he "forgot" to close the door to the sim room and ophelia had heard him. rushing down the stairs and down the hallway to the office when she heard crying and was concerned. so, in worry for her husband, ophelia called out her husband's name, expecting to hear a response, like "just a minute babe" or "i'm finishing this race, just a sec" but, all she got instead was a weakened sob. it had obviously come from her husband as they were the only ones in their house but, it broke ophelia's heart. and it really made her think - how long had max been crying on his own on the couch and in the sim room about the miscarriage when she'd be at work or when she was so engrossed in her own grief about their loss?

"maxie, schat, alles goed?" ophelia whispered in dutch softly, resting herself against the door frame as she could tell that max was trying his best to calm himself down but wasn't able to as another sob rocked his body maxie, babe, you okay?

she spent two minutes resting against the door frame, hearing the whimpers and sobs that max tried to control, no realisation that his wife was right there against the door hearing him cry. however, two minutes was too long as she knew she couldn't stand by any longer as her husband continued to cry, not able to calm himself down. ophelia couldn't believe that she hadn't realised until tonight that misha had been crying and grieving all on his own. she was annoyed at the fact that he was doing this when he knew that she wasn't paying attention or at work but she was never annoyed at her husband because it wasn't his fault that he was crying alone and she was mad at the situation, not him. however, max couldn't cry on his own anymore and ophelia wouldn't allow herself to be ignorant of it anymore. she had to make herself known to her husband and make sure that he knew she was there for him and that she wasn't ever going to let him cry and grieve on his own anymore.

to gain her husband's attention, ophelia knocked on the side of the door as she heard her husband's sobs as he begged the oxygen in his lungs to let him breathe, but wasn't able to due to the amount of crying he'd been doing. max walked in without a second to think, knowing that she now needed to get her husband to breathe normally again and to also slow down his tears for they weren't going to make his panic attack any better. or possibly make him sick, maybe not physically but it was for sure going to make him dizzy and maybe a slight bit nauseous if he kept going.

immediately, ophelia got down to the floor to her knees, identical to max and pulled him closer to her body to see if her normal breathing pattern could get the distraught dutchman breathing back to normal. holding him close, ophelia had one hand tight around his back with the other one lightly fluffing his hair as a way to calm him down.

it wasn't until an entire hour later that max was no longer audibly sobbing and only had tears slip down his cheeks as he sat with ophelia, their backs against the office wall with his head in her lap as ophelia brushed her fingers through his scruffy hair.

"hoe lang doe je dit al schat? waarom heb je het mij niet verteld?" ophelia asked softly as she continued to brush her fingers through her husband's hair as he sniffled how long have you been doing this babe? why didn't you tell me?

"every night since we lost the baby... i-i guess i didn't tell you because i didn't want you to worry about me because you needed to focus on yourself and your own recovery as well as being back at work. so, i-i guess i just thought that if i did it in here when you were at home and then in the lounge room when you were at work, you wouldn't worry about me..." max trailed off, his voice breaking as he spoke in english as ophelia's heart broke hearing that

"...maxie, you know you could've cried with me. the amount of times you've comforted me when i've been a mess, you knew you could have come to me and i'd have been there immediately. i've already focused on myself and my recovery, i am now worried because you were all on your own as you cried for all this time. you didn't need to hide away in here when i was at home and nor did you have to do it alone when i was working. you wouldn't have made me cry or feel worse if i heard you crying if that was your main concern. i would have gotten my arse off the couch and i would have been right here. please, don't run and hide away next time you need to cry, okay?" ophelia whispered as she caressed max's cheek, playing with his hair to distract him as he nodded his head, another tear slipping down his cheek as ophelia caught it with her finger as he chuckled softly

"mhm, i know," max mumbled shyly as ophelia smiled softly at her grieving husband - her husband that rarely felt safe and secure enough to open up

"then why didn't you and, tell me the truth babe, the full truth," ophelia spoke softly, not in a pushy matter but with sensitivity and max appreciated it

"you were the one that carried baby for twelve weeks when we lost them. i-i just thought that because you're the mum and the one that's pregnant that i shouldn't be so upset about it. so, i guess i was just embarrassed about crying over the loss since i'm not usually this much of a crier..." max trailed off as ophelia pouted softly as she cuddled her husband closer with an extra tight squeeze

"...oh, lieverd, nee. just because i carried the baby, doesn't mean you can't grieve and be upset over the loss either. it wasn't just my child that we lost, maxie, baby verstappen was yours too. baby was ours. sure, you couldn't and won't ever feel the physical pain that a miscarriage brings and you will never be able to experience it but, that doesn't mean you can't grieve and cry over the loss of what was going to be your child. invalidating your own feelings to be mindful of mine is not okay sweetheart. once again, i'll remind you, you're allowed to cry and be vulnerable. whilst you're a libra, it's well-known how guarded you normally are so the fact you have been crying shows me everything i need to know about who the real max verstappen is and that is okay. you are allowed to cry max because this baby was also yours and you also deserve to miss the baby and grieve over the loss," ophelia spoke soothingly as max nodded his head and sniffled oh, honey, no.

"thanks, babe," he muttered softly as ophelia smiled, nodding her head as she scratched the top of his head, making him smile and groan with delight at the relief her scratches were giving him

"your welcome sweetheart," ophelia smiled as by this time, it was already close to two in the morning so, it was decided that that night for the first time, ophelia was finally going to close her eyes and fall asleep because she had truly exhausted herself out whilst max was also knackered from all of the crying

when i awoke, dear, i was mistaken so i hung my head and i cried

after a couple of hours of sleep, ophelia and max woke up and, just like she imagined, she dreamt of holding their little baby so, she hung her head and she cried. and just like the way she was there for him late that night, max was there as he held his wife tightly as it was now her turn to cry over their shattering loss. although ophelia didn't cry for nearly as long as her husband did, she was still finally also allowing herself to fall asleep even though she knew she'd dream about baby and then wake up to then cry, she knew she was always going to have max there beside her to make sure that she'd never cry on her own like he had been doing for the longest time.

whispering comforting words and sweet nothings to his wife in dutch, max held her as tightly as he could so he could make sure that she knew that, just like she had promised him, she wasn't alone in this sadness and grief of their baby.

for the verstappen's, it took them about three to four weeks of heartwrenching cries after waking up in the mornings before it stopped and were able to go to sleep without dreaming of the baby and waking up in tears because of it. they loved that and called it progress in their grieving and loss journey. the f1 grid family had also welcomed the couple back with open arms when it was time for the new season of f1. it was obvious though when the drivers and wags reunited that they were extremely happy and excited to be reunited with each other again and, the same could have been said with ophelia, kika, alexandra and the other wives and girlfriends of the f1 drivers.

"phee, how are you and max going after the loss? you guys tried at it again, are you just waiting until it feels right, are you just not trying?" alexandra questioned as she, ophelia and the rest of the ladies waited in the paddock whilst the husbands and boyfriends did some media interviews

"we're going great thanks, alex, umm, we've had a lot of sex as honestly, losing baby wanted me to try even harder for a kid. so, we've decided that we're going to not actively try but not use any protection and just hope that a positive will come at some point," ophelia was confident and all smiles as she explained that to alexandra, kika and lily, oscar piastri's girlfriend

which not just shocked them but made them all proud of her as when they spoke over facetime (mainly alexandra and ophelia), the group couldn't even say certain words like "loss", "sex", and "baby" because it would get too triggering for the grieving girl, reducing her to tears but, not anymore it wasn't

"phee, that's amazing! so, you still getting your period then?" kika then spoke up, the other girls moving closer so no one could hear the four of them as ophelia giggled

"no...i've got a few tests that i'm gonna take today so, i'm hoping that what i think is happening is going to happen..." ophelia trailed off as the ladies were shocked, they couldn't believe that their best friend was most likely pregnant again

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.

the news of ophelia verstappen's second pregnancy was the best news that she could have ever gotten after that day in the paddock of quali day three of the monaco grand prix with the rest of the ladies and f1 racers. whilst it did give her a huge amount of deja vu of their first pregnancy and ultimately, their heartbreaking loss of the baby, the biggest emotion she felt was excitement and happiness. she was over the moon with the three tests that she held all saying that she was pregnant. and the best part about it was that unlike last time was that, she had gone through her first trimester of being pregnant without even really noticing it. meaning that she was at thirty weeks pregnant and only now just finding out.

ophelia squealed in excitement as she looked at the three pregnancy tests in front of her whilst her midwife could be heard giggling excitedly over the phone. all of the tests said "positive" with her midwife confirming that she was already thirty weeks pregnant and into the start of the second trimester. knowing that she no longer was in the danger zone like last time, she wanted to surprise max again but, this time it had to be better. and better she did! this time, she upped her game and decided to have a special little helper to tell max.

announcing the news to max was probably the most exciting thing ever. just like the first time, he came home, she had set up her iphone to film his reaction as she set out the letterboard announcement for him to be told as she waited.

"phee, i'm home! sorry i'm late, the media interviews went crazy long! where you at babe?" max calls out, too lazy to speak dutch as ophelia giggles softly

"in the kitchen babe, i have something for you!" ophelia calls back out which makes max rush into the kitchen when he stops when he notices what was resting on the counter waiting for him

it took max a couple of minutes to realise but the second he saw the ultrasound photo, it finally clicked in his head again that it was real and that ophelia was pregnant again. overwhelmed with happiness, his knees buckled and he dropped, his hand gripping the counter so he wouldn't fall and he broke down into tears, the one thing that max felt as though he had spent half of this last part of this year and the last year doing. ophelia smiled, giggling softly at her husband. joining her husband, she brought him close as they rejoiced together in the fact that they were getting their rainbow baby. crying into his wife's embrace, max couldn't believe that he was going to be a dad. not really caring whether it was a boy or a girl, all he cared about was the fact that his wife was already over the first trimester and that they finally had a fair chance of having a healthy and successful pregnancy together.

immediately, just like the first time, with some reassurance from the midwife that it was okay, they told the rest of the f1 grid family and even better reactions came through over the first time. due to the newest baby being a rainbow baby, there was a lot more happy crying as their first reaction to the news which, seemed to be the best but common reaction when ophelia and max told someone. the best reaction, however, had to of come from lando and charles. they were told separately after the rest of the grid and wags had been told. max told lando and ophelia told charles, alexandra with him since she had been told moments before. both lando and charles cried as they rejoiced that finally, their best friends and family were becoming parents after the loss of their first baby.

it was just a week after the start of their second trimester that the verstappen's finally decided that not only would they start to post and announce their rainbow baby but they'd also talk about the miscarriage they suffered a couple of months earlier.

liked by opheliaverstappen, landonorris, danielricciardo, charlesleclerc, francisca.cgomes, carlossainz55 and 179,568k others

maxverstappen1 five months ago, opehlia had gotten pregnant with our first baby and only very few knew. we were overjoyed as were our family and friends that we had told. the second photo is from five months ago in comparison to the first photo that is us announcing our second baby (surprise!). we were so excited to announce the first pregnancy but it never got to happen because we lost the baby and it was a pain i thought i'd never experience. in saying that though, there's nothing wrong with trying for a second time because the universe does work in mysterious ways. ophelia is pregnant again with baby number two and we are all so excited as we move into the second trimester.

view all comments

opheliaverstappen that day i told you about this new pregnancy, i really did think i was going to have to restart your heart because of how much you were crying, i genuinely thought you weren't breathing. but, i am so glad we finally got to share this new pregnancy alongside the pain of the miscarriage

maxverstappen1 opheliaverstappen in all honesty, i thought the same thing at one point! but, i am so ready to watch you and our child grow throughout this pregnancy schat!

landonorris i'm sorry but, i am still in tears over this! and to tell us just before going on camera for media interviews too! holy crap!

maxverstappen1 landonorris maybe it wasn't the smartest and most efficient time and place to tell you but we genuinely couldn't hide it from you and charles anymore!

danielricciardo congratulations again you two! you'll be the best parents ever!

maxverstappen1 danielricciardo thank you danny! that means a lot

charlesleclerc i agree with lando, i think i'm still too emotional over this news! congratulations you two, alex and i love you both dearly

maxverstappen1 charlesleclerc honestly, same!

francisca.cgomes seeing the reactions of the others to the news was honestly the best part about the whole thing!

maxverstappen1 francisca.cgomes i know! it felt so cheeky to tell them whilst you and the others all knew!

carlossainz55 congratulations max and phee! you'll be the best parents ever!

maxverstappen1 carlossainz55 thanks mate!

liked by maxverstappen1, lily.zneimer, oscarpiastri, gerihalliwellhorner, christianhorner and 882,512k others

opheliaverstappen before the joy that is max and i's second baby, five months before, i was pregnant with our first baby. however, it was obviously not the right time as heartbreakingly, at around twelve/thirteen weeks, we lost our baby and i miscarried. this was of course, devastating for max and i, it was gut-wrenching. the first three months were the worst. i never thought i'd see that much heartbreak and grief from my family. losing our first baby after we had been trying so hard to concieve only to miscarry afterwards was soul-destroying.

now, max and i are both in a much better place with our grief and now that i'm at the beginning of my second trimester with baby number two, we feel comforted and feel so blessed because we know that this isn't the reality for most families. and it's something we're not taking for granted at all. the first photo, like max mentioned in his post, is the surprise i put together to tell max that we were pregnant again and the second photo was from when max, myself, charles and alexandra were at the hospital after finding out about the miscarriage. the story behind the photo is that i had to stay in the hospital a little bit longer than the four of us liked but, it was just to keep an eye on me. with the consideration that i was experiencing a lot more pain than what was normal so they had to keep me in for supervision. the photo of max and i was taken by charles. even though it doesn't look like max or i are upset, we were asleep because that at the time was all we could do at the time. we were so exhausted to the point that for the first few couple of days, we just slept. then, the third day i knew i wouldn't be able to sleep any longer because i would then dream about our baby we just lost. i would stay awake throughout the night because if i fell asleep, i would dream about the baby and then i'd wake up only to start crying. which was something i had told myself with determination that i wasn't going to do. i didn't want to be the mother who miscarried and just cried about the loss every day. even though i knew that was totally acceptable and more than okay, it just wasn't the grieving mother i wanted to be.

however, i then noticed the way max grieved. i noticed that he had become more quiet and reserved. and i began to worry because he would stop asking me how my day at work was and how his sim races went or what he did during the day. that was when i heard him one day. he was crying. and he had been doing that consistently, all on his own, with me being none the wiser about it. that was when i finally realised that if max and i were going to grieve the loss of our baby verstappen, we needed to do it together. and we did. and now, we're okay and i'm thirty weeks and two days pregnant and baby verstappen is as healthy as their older verstappen baby was. max and i are extremely excited to be parents again and it's all we can think about. now that i've passed all the dates of the possible miscarrying dangers, i'll now be posting my bumpdates and updating you all about the pregnancy. we are genuinely so excited and cannot wait to introduce our baby to you all and i'm sure baby verstappen can't wait either. thank you all for the love and support you guys have given us over these few months even though we left you guys in the dark. it truly means so much to know that you guys still love and support us.

view all comments

maxverstappen1 i am so excited about baby two! you are going to be an amazing mum, phee and i can already tell

opheliaverstappen maxverstappen1 awe, schat, you are so sweet! you are going to be an amazing dad!

lily.zneimer i'm so proud of you two for not giving up just because you guys lost the first baby. i cannot wait to watch baby grow inside you, my love!

opheliaverstappen lily.zneimer thank you dee! and i cannot wait for little baby to grow either!

oscarpiastri that photo of you in the hospital after you miscarried and was sent to the group chat via charles is always going to haunt me but, just knowing that the next time you're there, is when you'll be giving birth just takes away all the fear

opheliaverstappen oscarpiastri oh absolutely osc, that photo is a photo i never thought would ever have to be seen, taken and then seen again. and i agree, the next time i'll be at the hospital will no doubt be the best day of my life

gerihalliwellhorner congratulations ophelia and max! you guys really deserve a family! cannot wait to watch you on this journey phee, you and max will be perfect parents!

opheliaverstappen gerihalliwellhorner awe, thank you geri! that means so much!

christianhorner so close to getting our next f1 racer

opheliaverstappen christianhorner christian, just wait until our baby is born before you make these comments please

you'll never know dear how much i love you, please don't take my sunshine away

a little over eight months later, ophelia had given birth to a very healthy little boy, ezra daniel verstappen. ezra was max and ophelia's pride and joy and was loved by everyone. but especially by his f1 uncles and aunties and that was always shown since he was constantly being spoilt, especially by his godfather and favourite uncle daniel. but, all the toys, clothes and superficial things he was being given didn't seem to faze the little f1 obsessed boy as all he cared about now was the fact that he was going to be an older brother for a third time. and yes, you did hear that correctly, ophelia and max were bringing their third and final cherub into the world after a little over a year ago had introduced their second little boy, tristan brooks verstappen into the world before falling pregnant with their who their thought was their final baby that turned into plural when it was discovered that this final pregnancy was twins. i mean, the verstappen's didn't plan on having more than three kids but, they loved the idea of having two boys and two girls so, they were pretty pleased when they did find out that the gender of the twins were two identical twin girls. so, completing the verstappen family were two little girls. the photo that ophelia posted to announce that she was pregnant with her twins was a photo of when she was heavily pregnant since she had already given birth to their twins. she decided that instead of how she announced ezra and tristan's pregnancies to the world that she'd wait until maternity photos had been taken and then give birth to the girls to announce that she and max had given birth to their twins. even though max and the other other drivers had constantly talked and celebrated over it during the current race season, max and ophelia still wanted to post about their little girls since it had been a few weeks to a month since giving birth to them.

liked by maxverstappen1, charlesleclerc, francisca.cgomes, landonorris, christianhorner and 881,43k others

opheliaverstappen jules heaven verstappen and geneva ophelia verstappen, we have waited so long for you my loves. ezra and tristan are so excited to meet you i think they're being a lot more impatient than mummy and daddy are. these photos are probably the sweetest, funniest and most tear-jerking photos i have in my camera roll. the first two, i was still pregnant with little jules and geneva and, the third one, they were brought earthside and we couldn't be more blessed that the two girls are finally here. jules is older by two minutes with geneva born two minutes later, both in march, my two little water babies just like their mummy. the third photo is of me with the little loves, photo courtesy of their godfather, charles since their daddy was taking care of their older brothers. the photos you may see later are of the two boys meeting jules and geneva for the first time because it is quite the adorable moment. jules heaven and geneva ophelia, you both are so loved by so many my little ocean babies. i am so blessed, as is your daddy, older brothers, aunties, uncles and cousins that you have finally joined our family. the meaning behind the names of jules and geneva are as simple as possible. jules is named jules heaven because of her beautiful godfather's godfather, the ever-etheral and angel on earth and heaven, jules bianchi. i knew from the moment max and i found out we were having twins that charles was going to be the godfather to both girls but one of them, whoever was the eldest, was going to be named after jules. geneva was called geneva because that is my older sister's name and it's self-explanatory why her middle name is ophelia so no explanation there is needed. like previously said, we had been waiting for jules and geneva that when we did find out we were pregnant with the two of you, we jumped for joy. ezra and tristan also jumping for joy when they found out they were getting not just one baby sister but two! tristan especially loves the fact that he finally gets to be a big brother after being the baby but especially to two sisters. we love you forever jules heaven and geneva ophelia.

view all comments

maxverstappen1 ok, well shit babe, you made me cry all over again! i knew we made a great choice by naming one of our daughters jules

opheliaverstappen maxverstappen1 we really did make a great choice. i already know just how connected jules and charles are going to be

charlesleclerc i still cannot believe that you finally have your little girls and that one of them is named after jules as well as making me their godfather! thank you so much, ophelia, i could never thank you enough for giving me the blessing to be involved in your kids' lives!

opheliaverstappen charlesleclerc we can't either and, it was a decision we had made from the very beginning and there was no way we weren't going to stick to it. we love you more than words could ever express charles! you already are the best godfather to little jules and geneva

francisca.cgomes i still cannot believe we'll all get to meet little jules and geneva soon! they are just gorgeous, phee!

opheliaverstappen francisca.cgomes i know kika! i cannot wait for you to meet them!

landonorris oh my god! i still cannot believe that jules and geneva are finally here! the love these two princesses are going to get is going to be neverending

opheliaverstappen landonorris i'm still struggling to believe it too, lan! and i agree, they'll be protected for life as well

christianhorner congratulations ophelia, max and to ezra and tristan! jules and geneva are gorgeous! how generous of you to name your eldest daughter after bianchi! that'll mean so much to those who loved and knew him dearly

opheliaverstappen christianhorner thank you so much, christian! and i was always going to name my eventual daughter after jules, how couldn't i? he was my best friend's godfather, there was no way jules would never not be in my life in someway!

liked by opheliaverstappen, victoriaverstappen, danielricciardo, landonorris, gerrihalliwellhorner and 223,34k others

maxverstappen1 introducing babies three and four, identical twin girls jules heaven and geneva ophelia verstappen. ezra and tristan are a little too obsessed with their twin sisters at the moment but, honestly, we're just glad we've completed our small family and we're just relieved that the two boys love their twin sisters. the first photo is of ophelia, pregnant with the girls at the beach with ezra on her shoulders, i had tristan with me so that's why he wasn't in the photo and, i just thought it was too good for me to not post. the second photo is of ophelia, looking absolutely stunning. if you can't already tell, we loved taking pregnancy photos at the beach so yeah, enough said! the third photo is of mummy, tristan and the girls, once again, at the beach but this time in the water as this was relatively early in the pregnancy before we even knew that we were having twins. and the last photo is of ezra and tristan with the two girls and we just love how beautiful it is. we love you so much jules heaven and geneva ophelia, thank you for completing the verstappen family.

view all comments

opheliaverstappen lordy lord, there are so many photos of ezra and tristan with the girls that at this point, i think that's all i have in my camera roll right now. but, that's only because i keep on taking photos of them together.

maxverstappen1 opheliaverstappen my camera roll is the same and i am not complaining! we make some very cute kids!

victoriaverstappen i'm going to cry omg, even just looking at these photos, it's insane how quickly jules and geneva have both grown and they're not even a full month old yet!

maxverstappen1 victoriaverstappen speak for yourself, vic! i thought having two little boys would have made me all the more emotional but no, the moment phee and i found out just the one baby was twins but girls, i was gone and it was as though i was the one that was pregnant!

danielricciardo this is lovely, max! both jules and geneva are just gorgeous and growing so quickly! heidi and i cannot wait to see the little angels again! we are so excited!

maxverstappen1 danielricciardo i know, both girls are mum's twins, funny enough! and the boys and twins are getting excited to see their aunty and uncle as well!

landonorris i can't stop looking through the photos that you and phee have sent to us of the twins! they're both just too gorgeous to look away!

maxverstappen landonorris that's basically me every single day, i just can't stop looking at them and holding them! i genuinely still cannot believe me and phee have two little girls

gerihalliwellhorner oh, aren't jules and geneva just beautiful! you and phee really have made the most gorgeous-looking kids! i cannot wait to just squish jules' and geneva's little cheeks!

maxverstappen1 gerihalliwellhorner aren't they just, geri?! and i know, i said the same thing and, i squish their cheeks all the time and even then i need to do it more

what originally started off for the verstappen's as a heartbreaking miscarriage turned into them having a gorgeous little family of six with their four beautiful kids, ezra, tristan, jules and geneva alongside their f1 grid family.

ophelia and max's sunshine was no longer taken away from them.

fin

i cannot lie, i really did enjoy rewriting and reimagining this as a max fic and now i'm really considering making this into a fully-fledged book after saying i wanted to do it with other versions. oof, i'm really proud of this one-shot rewrite i can't lie lol!

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

#formula one #angst #fluff #max verstappen x fem!reader #you are my sunshine #mentions of miscarriage #tears #do not read if this topic triggers you #happy ending

32 notes · View notes

ct-1402 · 2 years ago

Text

Tech Themed Playlist

So after the season 2 finale of the Bad Batch, I made a playlist on spotify to process my feelings and Imo it came out pretty good and I thought some people on here might be interested

Reasons for songs added are under the cut:

I tried to put it in a vague sense of order, kinda like a vague timeline

Bad Batch Theme - Self explanatory (ignore that there are 4 different versions, I couldn't decide which one I like best)

Not The Same - A song written by an autistic singer about his experiences and struggles growing up with autism, considering the Batch already seem to struggle socially due to their different looks, I'm betting Tech had an even harder time being autistic

Machine Learning - Another song about learning to navigate social situations as an autistic person, frames it in terms of machine learning which obviously ties into Tech's skills and knowledge when it comes to technology and machines

Barricades - This song feels like it represents the Batch's struggles to connect with their reg brothers

Feed the Machine - This song feels fairly representative of the first few episodes, the Batch realising they were just pawns, and are being expected to fall in line and follow orders (heh) without question

All My Friends Are Strangers - The Batch realising that everything has changed and the clones they fought alongside of are no longer the people they knew

Renegades - The Batch are currently renegades, they rejected the Empire and ran away, could also be seen as Tech's POV, attempting to convince Crosshair to come with them

Brother - A conversation between Tech and Crosshair, Tech talking to Crosshair and his regrets leaving him behind and how he sees that Crosshair is hurting, while Crosshair is talking about how he feels betrayed by the Batch and is angry that they left him (I may be making a Crosshair themed playlist where this song also features)

Hey Brother - Tech was the one pushing for the Batch to go rescue Crosshair, he was the one who was listening out on their comms channels in hope that Crosshair would try to contact them, this song shows his dedication to his brothers (and sister) and how he is willing to put himself in danger for even a chance to save them (;-;)

Brother - Another song focusing on how Tech was willing to do anything for his brothers (and sister) and he would risk his own life to help the people he loves (;-;) (also I didn't intentionally add three songs named "brother" but they all fit so well)

Disobeying Orders - AFAIK this song isn't actually from the finale episode, but I couldn't pass up that name

Plan 99 - I mean, how could I not?

The Sacrifice - Again, how could I not?

How Do I Say Goodbye - Hunter and Wrecker's POV, trying to figure out how to live without someone they've probably spent almost every moment with for their entire lives

Angry - Omega's POV, she can't understand why everyone else isn't as outwardly distraught as she is, why no one else is trying to go back for Tech, refusing to believe that he is gone

Wrecked - Another Omega POV, while I do feel it applies to all of them, as far as I'm aware, this is the first time Omega has dealt with someone she was close to dying and I really feel like she's gonna struggle to deal with it (also the line "These days when I'm on the brink of the edge, Remember the words that you said" feels very relevant to Omega considering the conversation she had with Tech about how he processes change and about moving on)

Unsteady - Could be from many POVs, Wrecker, Hunter, Echo, Omega, and Phee all feel like they fit this song, all holding onto each other, trying to process their collective loss

Space Man - This one also feels like a general song of everyone mourning Tech and wishing they could go back to before Order 66 and everything that happened

Our Last Summer - Phee's POV, Phee looking back on the time she got to spend with Tech, and her trying to appreciate the time they did get to have

Remember Them - Echo POV, Echo teaching Omega how to deal with the pain of losing Tech, since he has had a lot of experience in losing the people close to him (;-;)

Back to the Old House - Tech's POV, Tech wishing he had been able to tell Phee how he felt and how he wishes he could have spent longer with her

Oak Trees - Tech's POV, talking to the rest of the Batch, as well as Phee, trying to comfort them because he's no longer in pain, no longer has to worry, he's finally at peace

Coming Home - Another Tech POV, mostly me trying to convince myself that he's at peace and no longer running and hurting and scared

End Credits - It felt right considering this is the end of his story

16 notes · View notes

kimageddon · 2 years ago

Note

Hey I wanted to thank you for your comments on the long thread about Phee/Tech and neurodivergence, etc. You managed to put into words what I couldn't about posts of that nature and why they were bothering me; I've mostly just blocked them rather than try to articulate what didn't sit right. Neurodivergence is a large spectrum and I think it's easy for everyone to assume a given ND character's experiences must align with theirs, rather than acknowledging it's going to work for some of us and not others, and that's all part of being a large, diverse group of people whose life experience at the hands of neurotypical society is going to be radically variant.

Hello Anon!

Thank you kindly for such a lovely message! I am very glad that I was able to say something. You may regret sending this, because I am jumping back on my soapbox.

I'm gonna talk about Autism, ND, mental health as it relates to Tech and the Bad Batch.

This is gonna be another long one:

For clarification, if anyone needs it, my message in the aforementioned thread was to offer a different perspective as the arguments did not make sense to me. I wanted to talk about the show and not about the people having the opinions.

I wanna clarify that my comments in regard to Autism being different was not to dismiss the experiences of anyone ND but to specify that while perhaps you(anyone reading this) would find the comment "it's called a conversation" upsetting (I know I would if it were said to me!).

However I do not think Tech would.

My reasoning is this:

Autism is treated differently in men and women and men (generally speaking) are not pressured to mask as much. (They still are, but not to the level of women from everything my research tells me.)

That being said, Tech has not really had to do that from the evidence I have seen. He Info dumps, interjects, and pretty much acts with confidence throughout the time we see him. Why would he need to mask? He was created to be a well of information and his brothers more or less accept him as he is.

To the argument that Phee somehow controls or manipulates or otherwise pushes her self on Tech in any manner.

I think that is ridiculous.

Firstly, she is gentle and kind when she speaks to him, if a little sassy. Nothing Tech hasn't encountered before from his brothers, or even dished out himself.

Hunter's introduction to us of Tech is: "He can fill your head with useless info for hours."

Which is probably the most dismissive thing said to him in the time we get to know him, but that just doesn't bother him.

In relation to this, people saying things like this are at risk of infantalising him. Which is a major problem within the Autistic and ND community.

Secondly. Tech is a grown ass man (weird clone aging aside). If he didn't like Phee or something she says, he can walk away, and I believe he would. He doesn't appear to feel the societal pressures, he's a soldier and doesn't get civilian etiquette so why would he follow it and stand around her just to be polite?

"Since when have we ever followed orders?"

We aren't children.

We might think differently and process differently, but we are people. We're not poor widdle babies that don't understand our feelings. We don't need protecting from the world and people that wanna treat Tech that way are doing he and the Autistic people that identify with him a massive disservice.

Finally, I wanted to clarify the part of my message that seemed to be the most controversial.

If something is so deeply upsetting that it affects your mental health detrimentally perhaps you need to look at your life and disengage from said thing.

From what I gather, some people have interpreted this to mean : just don't watch the Bad Batch. or "it's just a stupid show why do you care?"

This is not what I mean.

Of course care about it, get engaged with the characters and the story and let it make you feel things.

What this message means is:

If something -- whether it be a piece of media, a person/relationship, a social platform --

Is so deeply upsetting that it effects your mental health detrimentally -- if you have trouble sleeping or thinking about anything else or fall into depressive states (not depression generally speaking but because of the something specifically) and you cannot function at your usual level --

Perhaps you need to look at your life -- true happiness comes from within (i'll get to this in a sec) --

And disengage with said thing -- take a break, take a breath, drink water, have a snack. Let your emotions process and let yourself relax, then you can go back to it (provided of course it's not a toxic situation.) --

I realise this is far easier said than done, and it would take a significant amount of introspection, but I use this in multiple situations, not just here.

The TL:DR version; go touch grass, you'll feel better.

Alright, we've strayed a little from the point

Finally: Ship and let ship.

If you don't like Phee because you prefer to write Tech as not liking anyone but y/n or your OC -- go for it! That's totally valid! (They did it with Anakin so why not?) Besides, there were only a few interactions and it was a budding closeness, it's not like Tech was getting married to her!

But if you wanna make excuses that you only like the actress when she's not a direct romantic threat to your blorbo or do some mental gymnastics to try and portray her interactions as toxic, and he "deserves better" my dude, that reeks of something else entirely.

I decided to cut it here as it's getting a little longer than intended and I wanted to keep this to Tech/Bad Batch related stuff. I will make a post explaining the more controversial takes that apparently upset some people.

That should be interesting.

Again, thank you anon for the kind message, and giving me an opportunity to further clarify my thoughts.

If anyone has any questions or counterpoints, I would be interested to hear them.

#kima answers #hot take #the bad batch #tech #phee genoa #clarification #autism #neurodivergent

19 notes · View notes

wrenkenstein · 1 year ago

Text

I feel so bad reblogging this again, because I am not against the people who ship this at all, and I think it’s great if you enjoy it. My thoughts from the last reblog remain relevant. But this last reblog is a PERFECT encapsulation of why watching Phee interact with Tech on screen is so uncomfortable, and I just had to reblog a second time just to put it on my page, like a marker that I’ve been heard. I feel like a broken record when people ask me why I don’t engage with this ship, and I tell them it’s due to my personal experiences as someone on the spectrum. It hurts so deeply in such a visceral way to see the very things that plague your real life and haunt you be treated as “romantic” on a screen, and then to see NT people parade this ship around as something to herald (the new ‘han and leia’) while it continues to hurt us in such a raw manner that only ASD people will understand.

Her first interactions with him are solely negative. She shuts him down on the three occasions she appears on screen with him before Pabu, and he just seems to retreat. She does not care for his infodumping, she does not care for his personality. She implores him to change his thought process and tells him he’s overthinking things, which is something we have no control over. That is a situation I have been in, especially in the romantic sense, and the way she speaks to and treats him hurts. It hurts so much to see a character I see so much of myself in be treated like that! And I have been treated like that, many, many times! I was so happy to meet Tech, and to see how 1:1 we truly were, and then to see him be spoken to like that? It hurts and frustrates me in a way I can’t even describe in this post, because we are constantly fighting to be seen as respected equals in the world, but we are never allowed to be our true selves. Thats what it reminds me of. The constant changing, masking and morphing to be what someone else wants us to be.

I love Phee as a character. I think she is stellar in design and personality, but I would never let someone talk to or treat me the way she speaks to Tech.

I will forever love and cherish my good friends who enjoy this ship, however I can’t, in good faith, engage with the content around it. I am not at all opposed to Tech (or any of the boys!) getting a love interest - hell, I write about it myself. And I am aware some people write this ship in a way that fixes many of these issues, but I just can’t bring myself to engage with it. Every single time, I’m just reminded of the people who have treated me that way, and the Phee’s of my life who will continue to treat me this way. That, no matter what, we’ll always just be seen as tokens for people to change and win over - romantically or otherwise.

I don’t think this reblog really captures my true words or thoughts well, because I feel things at 100% in ways I can’t really describe, but eh. I do like the fact nothing ever happened between them, and that he looked rightfully uncomfortable during most of their shared scenes. It leaves it more open to interpretation - the people who want to ship it can, and we can choose to ignore it.

TDLR; It hurts. A lot. Please be respectful when writing autistic characters, and take note of how other characters treat them.

WHY I DON'T LIKE TECH x PHEE: An unintentional essay

Alright, yall, I've figured it out on my end. I think. I just need to get some of this out so that I can move past it. I'm not even gonna tag it under tech x phee, cause you know what, I don't want to harsh the mellow over in that space, I'm just voicing what I've discovered.

This is long.

Wanda Sykes: I LOOOOOVE Wanda Sykes, love her - love her so much that I can't see anyone else with her voice. A 60 year old lesbian comedian... and you want to make her a 20 something pirate captain flirting with a male cl- no. No. Capital N. O. Like, I thought she and Rhea Perlman were going to be a fun comedic, older duo playing off of each other. Or that they'd have some sort of sassy relationship. But instead she's a coy, fun adventurer who starts to join in TBB family? Nope. No. Didn't sell it for me. Gimme someone else, might have worked. Try Anika Noni Rose, or if you need that star factor, Halle Barry or Beyonce or, for fucks sake LIZZO (can you imagine her beautiful voice as Phee? OOOO I just shivered. Loved her as the Duchess, but her as Phee! Instantly WAAAAY more excited about that character.) Not Wanda Fucking Sykes (like I said, LOVE her. But no. Choices.)

The Build Up: You guys. We are all literally writers. Where were the beats? Where were the moments? You naturally want there to be a moment the audience goes 'ooooooh yeah ok I see it'. IT HAPPENED WITH HUNTER. The next day I remember quite a few of us going 'OMG YES!!! Yes, totally ship that, saw the chemistry with Phee and Hunter! Into iiiiit.' I resisted that one too, cause of the Wanda Sykes thing, but you know what? IT. WORKED. I went with it cause it worked. Was actually kind of excited. Was looking forward to the fics. Did not happen once with Tech, never saw anyone go 'oh look at that chemistry between pirate and genius'. NOPE BTW SUDDENLY THEY'RE ALL TEASING TECH AND TECH AND PHEE ARE IN A SCENE AND THIS IS ALL ABOUT THESE TWO TAH DAAAAH! No. Nope. Not how it works. Feels like my favorite is getting the shitty end of the romance arc stick. Fuck off, no. We have all written better.

Toxic Matchup: The way Phee (see dude, I almost wrote Wanda. Thats how much I can't not see her in this character) treats Tech. One of my mutuals on here, @shadestepping, put it perfectly - "It’s because instead of understanding who tech is as a person and being respectful of how his mind works, she tries to force him to mask because it’s what she wants/it makes communicating with him easier". The example that keeps popping into my head is when Phee sarcastically says "when two people are talking its called a conversation". My eyebrows shot UP, like, this is one of the FIRST THINGS YOU LEARN about Tech- his face is in his datapad. Treating him like an idiot (which is what it sounds like in Wanda voice) because he is doing what he is always doing is not ok (seriously, WTF, dude?). Another mutual, @dumfanting agreed and shared how that hit them: "As someone whose been forced to mask for her entire life, that is wrong and damaging and perpetuates the idea that we as austitics are only worthy of love if we continue to suppress ourselves." And it really doesn't have to be that way. I can rewrite every scene they are in together, still have her be sassy, have her show interest and respect for who he is, and still move him out of his comfort zone. I will do it, if I need to, just to prove it. If the writers are trying to give her some growth too, cool, then TAKE THE TIME TO DO THAT - instead we only hear how HE's being taken out of his comfort zone. How about HER? You want to be with him? Maybe you have to meet him half way, honey

Ultimately, I could have gotten behind this if it was done another way - but the way they went about it missed so many marks. And for my man, that's unacceptable to me. He deserves the best, not something thrown together.

I have spoken.

(Ok, I think that is out of my system.)

#tbb #star wars the bad batch #tbb tech #pheech #techphee

201 notes · View notes

the-sweetest-dragon · 5 years ago

Text

Souls Uniting

Part Two: Time Flies

Pairing: Peter Parker x Phoenix Graves

Reminder: Soulmate AU

Word Count: 2.5k

AN: I really like writing this series and I have a lot of plans for it (It’s already like 20 pages...) so I’m hoping it picks up a little more. I love the character and I want to explore her a little more. The next one will probably be from Peter’s POV because... well you’ll see.

Tags: @audder17 my favorite Spider-Man nerd

Character Sheet Part One

______________________________________________________

“I want to be your soulmate, even if I don’t believe in them.” – Colleen Hoover

10:37 A.M., Thursday, June 20th, 2019

I groan as my curtains are pulled open, sunshine bearing down on me.

“Rise and shine sleepyhead! Today’s the day!” I groan again. Mom was super excited for this farmer’s market that she had heard about a few days after we had moved in. She was dragging me along with her, something about exploring the city, even though we had to make a half hour drive OUTSIDE of the city just to get to this market.

I cover my head with my blanket. Maybe if she can’t see me, then she’ll leave me be. Ha, that’s a funny joke Phee. You should know better than that. I peek outside my blanket cover to see Mom standing at my desk, my sketchbook in her hands. I sigh and throw the blanket off me.

“You do realize that sometimes my sketchbooks are private, right?” Mom gives me a guilty smile and I shake my head at her.

“I was just looking at your designs for the kitchen.” She sets the sketch book down. “You had bought a lot of blue paint and I was curious.”

“Well, you know what they say.” I sit up in bed and stretch. “Curiosity killed the cat.” I smile and get up out of bed, disturbing both Salem and Sabrina. They both stare at me with unnerving yellow eyes. “Sorry kids.”

“Ah, but satisfaction brought it back.” Mom smiles and gives both cats a quick pet. “Get dressed. We’re leaving in twenty minutes.” I groan but listen to her, knowing that’ll be the best for me if I just do as she says. I pull on the first outfit I find, which happens to be a paint splattered, black tank top and a pair of shorts. Parting my hair into two little space buns on the top of my head, I pause to brush my teeth quickly before hurrying to the kitchen.

I notice the new doodle before my mom does this time. A smile comes across my face; whoever this was had to be very into memes, because on my arm was a surprised Pikachu face. I couldn’t help but laugh softly. I just had to get stuck with a nerd huh?

“Whatcha laughing at Phee?” I turn to find Mom smiling behind me, a to-go coffee mug in her hands. I sigh and show her, making her laugh as well. “Well, whoever it is, sure isn’t an artist.” She pats my arm and gathers up her purse, double checking that her keys are in them before opening our door. “Ready for an adventure?”

Laughing, I head out the door, not realizing that at that very moment, I would run into someone. I run head first into a guy that I had seen only in passing; he lived up a floor with his aunt. Didn’t know much about him other than there wasn’t anyone else living with them. He was around my age, if not a year older, and fairly cute.

I ran into him, making both of us trip over each other’s feet. He recovers before me and holds onto my biceps to steady me. I notice how gently he holds my arms, like he may break them. A spark travels through my body, like he shocked me or something. I regain my balance and shake myself out of his hold. I don’t need anyone holding me up.

“You good?” I nod, making an ‘ok’ gesture with my hands. He smiles, knocking me off guard a little. “I’m Peter.” He sticks out his hand for me to shake. I narrow my eyes at his hand but shake it anyways, feeling that shock again. I’m not big on shaking hands; it’s almost too formal but a hug is too familiar so I’m stuck with a handshake.

“Phoenix.” I try to smile, I really do, but I’ve noticed his face and I can’t seem to look away. He’s got these big brown doe eyes that make you want to spill all your secrets. It’s quite frustrating actually. I shake myself out of it. Get a grip Phee. “Nice to meet you Peter. I’ve got to get going.”

I wave awkwardly goodbye and head downstairs to wait for Mom. God, could I get anymore awkward? I sigh and turn my head up to the ceiling, praying to any god that would listen to just let me die. Apparently, I could not be trusted around cute boys anymore. I rub the Pikachu face absentmindedly, wishing I hadn’t of knocked into the kid. It couldn’t get anymore embarrassing.

12:13 P.M., Thursday, June 20th, 2019

As it turns out, I could always get more embarrassed by Mom. She had this power, that only parents could possibly have. Mom can make an awkward, one time situation, into a full length discussion. On the car ride to the farmer’s market, we talked about how that Peter guy could have been my soulmate, did you look at his arms, was he cute, do you want to invite him for dinner one night. The more questions she asked, the farther I sunk into my seat. Being stuck in the car certainly didn’t help matters; Mom is not a good navigator, so after an hour of searching for this mysterious farmer’s market we headed home. Which took even longer than before because we had managed to get lost. Story of our lives.

Back home, Mom ordered some lunch and I worked on my design for the kitchen. What I really wanted to do was make a beach scene that started over the sink in the kitchen and carried out into the living room. I start sketching the idea out more thoroughly, making it less detailed than the final product. The painting process would take me a lot longer than I had originally anticipated but I was up to the challenge and had the entire summer to work on it.

I sit back in my chair, thinking again about the art on my arms. Should I draw something on them just to see? Mom would say yes, of course I should. I nibble on a hangnail, thinking about my options. I could do it, figure out right away if that Peter guy was my soulmate, and be somewhat freaked out over how easy it was. Or I could relax and enjoy this time without a soulmate. I, being the selfish being that I am, decide to not do anything. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.

“How’s the sketch coming honey?” I sigh and get up from my chair in the living room to find Mom in the kitchen taping off counters and cabinets in preparation for tomorrow. She shoots me a smile when I walk in.

“It’s coming okay. I’m not entirely happy with how it’s looking but by the time I paint it, it should be pretty good.” Mom nods and turns back to the walls. I study her for a moment, thinking I may do some portraits for her birthday next month. I’m sure she would love them but faces are hard to master, especially the eyes. I sigh and go back to my chair in the living room.

A buzz is heard throughout the apartment. The food must be here. I hop up and grab some money from my purse to pay before opening the door. The delivery boy smiles and my heart does a little skip. He’s really good looking; vibrant auburn hair and green eyes. Kinda crooked nose and a thin mouth. I check his arm subconsciously, knowing without seeing that there’s no doodles on his arms, but wanting to make sure. I hand him the money and he hands us our food. Closing the door, I sigh, somewhat disappointed. As much as I hate the idea of having a soulmate, it bugs me that I don’t know who it is.

“Food is here!” I can hear Mom laugh and a soft thud as she drops down onto the floor. I set the food containers on our small wooden table, which is covered in paintings of flowers and other small things. I did those when I was first learning to paint and this table has traveled with us for many years.

I open one box and am met with the delicious scent of fried rice and sweet chicken. Mom hands me our chopsticks while she tries to find clean plates. I continue to open boxes as she looks. She comes back in with plates and we both dig into our respective dishes; sweet and sour chicken for me and teriyaki chicken for her.

“You know, when I was growing up, your grandmother refused to let us eat Chinese food. Said it wasn’t real Chinese food and then proceeded to make some of the most disgusting food I’ve ever eaten.” Mom shakes her head with a smile. “She wasn’t much of a cook but when she put her mind to something, nothing would stop her.” She smiles softly at me. “You remind me of her. She would have loved you.” I bite my lip and nod.

My grandmother was deported when I was just a few months old. Grandfather had passed away a year before that, and since she wasn’t an American citizen, she was sent back to China. She passed away a few months after that, brokenhearted and alone. Mom never forgave herself for allowing it to happen but there hadn’t been anything she could do. Now, all Mom had were memories of her kind mother and a legacy to protect.

We finished our meal is comfortable silence. I got back to work on my project, finally finishing and setting it aside for tomorrow.

11:22 P.M., Thursday, June 20th 2019

I really loved my room but had no ideas for how to paint it. Mom had suggested cherry blossoms but I’m not really the flowery type anymore. My sketchbook is filled to the brim with ideas but I’m not a hundred percent on any of them. Absentmindedly, I turn my pens to my arm, drawing out constellations and small dragons that float through clouds. Too late, I realize I didn’t want to draw on my arm but something was pushing me to do so. I huff, irritated with whatever gods that were pushing me to try and find my soulmate. Throwing my pens to my desk, I set my sketchbook down on the floor. Maybe some yoga will help me relax and find some new ideas.

I have access to the fire escape, where I’ve set up my yoga mat and a few plants on the windowsill. Before going out, I make sure to lock my door; Mom had told me that the fire escape was off limits but I couldn’t help myself. It was quiet out there, and I could almost make out the stars.

Changing into some comfortable clothes, I quickly make my way out onto the fire escape only to find someone else already there. A man, or what I assume is a man, in a red and blue spandex suit is perched on the railing of my fire escape. I clear my throat and watch as he nearly slips off the rails. He quickly rights himself and turns towards me and my heart stops in my chest. A soft gasp escapes my mouth and the eyes on his suit widen in shock.

“Holy shit.” I hear softly from the man. He must feel it too, this feeling of not being able to breathe. I back up into my plants and my heart screams at me to go towards him, not away, but my mind wants me out of there and quickly. He holds his hands out, trying to get me to stop moving but I just freak out a little more. I trip over a potted plant and my whole world tips.

In a blur, his fingers are clasped around my wrist and a small spark travels through my body. The eyes of his mask are trained on my arm and I pull my wrist out of his grasp, quickly pulling down my sleeves to cover my doodles.

“Why are you on my fire escape?” I narrow my eyes at him. Of course I know why he’s on my fire escape but I want to hear it from him. Having an Avenger sitting on my fire escape was something I’d have to paint, I decide. I make a mental note of how the street lights reflect off the eyes in his mask and the spider design on his suit curves over the muscles in his arms. I allow myself to admire his form for a few moments before shaking myself out of it and crossing my arms over my chest. I raise myself to my full height, a whopping five feet and three inches, hoping to intimidate him into telling me the truth.

“I was uh… resting?” I can hear the lie in his voice and narrow my eyes at him. He sighs, which sounds odd when someone’s mouth is mostly covered. Spider-Man pulls up the bottom part of his mask to reveal his mouth. My mind instantly goes to what the rest of his face may look like and I have to forcibly tell myself to not freak out over this man’s mouth. He could be a gross old man for Christ’s sake!

“I was watching out for something exciting to happen,” he admits. I can’t help but laugh; a hero waiting for something bad to happen? Especially in New York? That was rich. Spider-Man’s mouth frowns slightly. “What’s so funny?”

“You-” a snort interrupts my sentence and I have to pause to compose myself. “You’re a hero in New York. There’s crime everywhere to be stopped.” He sighs and plops down onto the solid part of the fire escape. I join him, slipping my legs in between the bars of the railings.

I take a closer look at the part of his face I can see and decide that he’s not bad looking. His mouth is thin but he has a strong jawline and a bit of a butt chin. My fingers itch to draw this as well. There’s just something about him that is drawing me in, almost like a magnet. We sit in silence for what could be minutes or hours, the time passing by like water in a stream. Before I realize it, my arm is being held in his hands again, the material of his suit causing goosebumps to appear on my skin.

“Did you draw these?” he asks. I take my arm back from him, somewhat upset that he’d even ask such a question. But I can tell his eyes are focusing on the faded Pikachu and he’s suddenly standing up. “Sorry, I gotta head out! There's a, uh, robbery happening!” He points down the street and I cock my head to the side, confused. “Have a good night!” And with that he swings into the night, leaving an empty feeling in my chest and many questions.

#peter parker #souls uniting #spiderman #marvel #peter parker x oc #phoenix graves #avengers #i love them already #part two #soulmate au

4 notes · View notes

echoes-of-the-clockwork · 6 years ago

Text

Falcon of Detroit (DBH Connor Fanfiction) Chapter Nine

I wanted to tell you this chapter has A LOT of dialogue and an explanation about rogues. Besides that, I hope you all enjoy! Love you all!!! ••••••••••••••••••••••• ~Phoebe's POV~

At noon, I heard Hank's stomach growl from my desk. Connor and I glanced up in unison at the Lieutenant. "Ya hungry?" I ask with a snort of laughter.

"Starvin'. Didn't have breakfast," Hank admitted.

"When do you ever have breakfast?" I retort.

"Never. Let's go to the Chicken Feed. I could definitely go for one of Gary's burgers." Hank grabbed his wallet and keys while I grabbed my crossbody purse. Connor followed us in silence to the Lieutenant's car. I decided to sit in the back while the RK800 sat in the passenger's seat. Hank drove through the light drizzle over the speed limit just to reach his favorite food truck in all of Detroit.

"Hanky Panky, the food truck isn't going anywhere," I tease.

"I know, but I'm fuckin' starving," Hank states nonchalantly. "And don't call me by that shitty nickname."

"Aw, I thought it was pretty creative. Guess I'll have to make up another one," I grin from ear-to-ear.

"Can't wait to heat it," Hank grumbles.

Fifteen minutes later, we arrive at Chicken Feed. As his normal routine, Hank ordered Connor to stay in the car. I wanted to smash my head against the window at his strictness with the android, who has done nothing but his job since he met both me and Hank. I cleared my throat as Hank exited the car, grabbing Connor's attention. "My sweet little android, will you accompany me?"

He smiled gently. "Of course, Phoebe."

The two of us leave Hank's car, crossing the street as the rain gradually soaked our clothes. We heard the Lieutenant talking to Pedro, a man who Hank constantly gambled with. "Last shit-hot tip you gave me set me back a week's wages, Pedro..."

"Come on, this is different. It's one hundred percent guaranteed. You can't go wrong," Pedro defends.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "It sounds like a drug deal..."

What I heard next made me roll my eyes. "Alright, I'm in."

Pedro smiled as he accepted the money from Hank as if it were candy. "Damn straight!" Before the gambler left, he turned back around and gave the older man a reassuring smirk. "Hey! You won't regret this!"

"Keep walking, Pedro," I warn, glaring at the man.

"Nice to see you, too, Phoebe. Looking beautiful as always."

"Keep walking before I change my mind and make you crawl!"

Pedro stuck his hands up in defense before turning, walking down the street, and disappearing from our sight. Connor sidled up beside Hank, who gave the android a glare. "Don't you ever do as you're told?"

"Actually, he did." I interjected myself into the conversation. "Remember, he's 'our' partner."

"I don't care 'bout that. He's a damn poodle!"

"Poodles are adorable and you know it!"

Hank groaned in disbelief, turning his eyes back to the grill Gary was slaving over. Connor placed his hands behind his back, eyes locked on Hank's slightly taller form. "I think our relationship got off on the wrong foot." I felt my heart melting as he was trying his best to mend the tears in his and Hank's relationship. "We should forget what happened and start over. What do you say?"

"Look..." Hank sighs. "They sent me a piece of plastic for a partner, which I already have a human one, and I'm dealing with it. But if you think we're gonna be buddies, you're as stupid as you look."

I pushed both of my hands into my crimson locks and pulled. "You are horrible, Hank!"

The older man then glanced at me. "What did I do now?"

"Connor's been trying to mend the relationship between you two, but all you give him in return is more shit! You're so fucking unbelievable, Hank!" I pulled one of my hands out of my hair and punched him on the arm, hard.

"Jesus, Phee! I've never seen you so defensive of a fucking android!"

"That's because Connor's been nothing but sweet and kind to me since day one! Unlike you, I welcomed his weird licking thing and intelligence with open arms. Y'know, that stick up your ass must actually be a whole damn tree because you've become more of an ass and won't give anyone a chance-human or android!"

Hank fell silent, eyes now casted downwards. I shook my head in disbelief as Connor just stared at me with slightly wide eyes. Even Gary froze at my loud outburst. Seeing as his food was done, Hank took his burger and drink from the man. "Thanks, Gary. I'm starving."

The Lieutenant walked away to enjoy his meal and I overheard Gary's remark when he finally shook his shock away. "Don't leave that thing here!"

Now, it was his turn to receive my death glare. "Don't you dare start, Gary!" The man flinched at my tone, quickly turning his back to me. Connor and I followed Hank over to a table. Luckily, the table had an umbrella that protected us from the light downpour. I rested my elbows on the table, covering my face in annoyance as the Lieutenant took a bite of his burger. "I've got a headache now..."

"Would you like me to retrieve your purse so you may take a pain pill, Phoebe?" Connor asked sweetly.

I shook my head, smiling at him as my hands fell from my face. "Thank you, but no. I'll be fine as long as I don't flip this table over and claw out Hank's eyes..."

"I am used to the harsh treatment. You are the first human I've met that has defended me from such treatment, Phoebe. Is it because I'm your partner?"

"That's one reason. The other is because I believe androids aren't that different from humans and deserve fair treatment, especially when they haven't done anything wrong."

"Oh, c'mon, Phee! This walking Ken doll was built to replace your job!" Hank retorts after taking a sip of his soda.

"Yeah, but he hasn't replaced my job. Last time I checked, I'm still employed and Captain Fowler has no plans of letting me go anytime soon. Right now, Connor is the best thing that has happened to the DPD! If he wasn't here, I'd still be stuck on the ten murdered men. Also, he's saved my life twice. If he wasn't here, I'd be dead or Amadeus would've already had his hands on me."

"First of all, the best thing that has happened to our department is you. And..." Hank glanced at Connor before his gaze returned to me. "I'm grateful that this thing has saved your life, but that still doesn't change my mind about androids."

"Trust me, Hank. You'll change your mind and I'll make sure of that," I declare.

Our conversation went silent until Connor spoke up and changed the subject for all our sakes. "This Pedro... He was proposing illegal gambling, am I right? And you made a bet?"

"Yeah," Hank answers in his usual nonchalant way, meeting Connor's gaze.

I laughed at Connor's slightly confused expression. "Don't hurt yourself by thinking about it too much, Connor. Hank's been gambling with Pedro for years."

After that, Connor told the Lieutenant of the calories in his burger and how high they exceeded the daily take-in and how high the cholesterol level was. Hank didn't care and just continued to eat. The android proceeded and chatted about yesterday's fiasco with Kara and Alice. The man placed his burger down, glaring at the machine. "You directly disobeyed my orders yesterday. You climbed that fucking fence and went after Phee!"

"Her survival rate of crossing the highway without perishing was only twenty-seven percent, Lieutenant. I disobeyed orders to make sure she was unharmed."

"And you!" Hank pointed his finger at me. "You're fucking crazy for crossing the damn highway!"

"Not even speeding traffic will stop this crazy lady," I snickered.

"You wouldn't be laughing right now if one of those cars had hit you," he barked. "There's a boundary between crazy and fucking stupidity!"

"Whatever. I found out the truth about a man who deserves to be behind bars. I've got nothing more to say on this topic," I sigh.

Connor, once again, changed subjects in hopes of alleviating the stuffy atmosphere suffocating us. "Can I ask you a personal question, Lieutenant?" Hank just waited in silence, giving no reply. "Why do you hate androids so much?"

I met Hank's sorrowful gaze as I knew he had been reminded of Cole. "I have my reasons."

Not wanting to pry, Connor asked another question. "Is there anything you'd like to know about me?"

"Hell, no..." Then, Hank reconsidered. "Well, yeah. Um... Why do they make you look so goofy and give you that weird voice?"

I snorted in laughter as Connor answered. "CyberLife androids are designed to work harmoniously with humans. Both my appearance and voice were specifically designed to facilitate my integration."

Hank was silent for a split second before commenting. "Well, they fucked up."

"I think they nailed it," I huffed with a small burst of laughter.

Connor smiled at my response before deciding to ask Hank and myself about the abnormal androids. "Maybe I should tell you what we know about deviants and rogues?"

Not wishing to argue, Hank held his tongue. "You read my mind. Proceed."

"We believe a mutation occurs in the software of some androids, which can lead to them emulating a human emotion. On the other hand, rogues are the complete opposite. Their entire processing system becomes numb to their normal protocol by a virus CyberLife cannot identify. They view humans as pest and will kill without hesitation."

Hank quickly stopped Connor. "In English, please."

"Deviants don't really feel emotions. They just get overwhelmed by irrational instructions, which can lead to unpredictable behavior."

"And rogues have a virus in their software, which disrupts their normal programming. That is why they see humans as enemies instead of allies," I finished, remembering what I had read in the newspaper when the first rogue appeared a few months ago. "I wonder if Amadeus knows that..." I mumble under my breath and neither one of them heard my last comment.

Connor nods in my direction. "Exactly, Phoebe."

"Deviants... emotions always screw everything up. Maybe androids aren't as different as we thought," Hank said, reiterating my words from earlier.

I smiled but it drooped into a frown. "And rogues are just androids suffering from a virus in their software. It's like when humans suffer from a plague or sickness. Too bad CyberLife can't purge it. We've had enough bloodshed between humans and androids."

Hank's slightly narrowed eyes bore into Connor. "You ever dealt with deviants or rogues before?"

"A few months back, a deviant was threatening to jump off a building with a little girl. I managed to save her. My first encounter with a rogue was with Phoebe."

"Next question. I guess you've done all your homework, right? Know everything there is to know about me?" Hank raised his chin slightly in curiosity.

"Oh, can't wait to hear this," I murmur under my breath with a grin.

"I know you graduated top of your class. You made a name for yourself in several cases, and became the youngest lieutenant in Detroit. I also know you've received several disciplinary warnings in recent years and you spend a lot of time in bars," the android responds.

"Whoop, there it is!" I chant while laughing.

Hank scoffed at my reaction before asking another question. "So, what's your conclusion?"

"I think working with an officer with personal issues is an added challenge, but adapting to human unpredictability is one of my features as I have already done with Phoebe," Connor glanced at me before winking.

I was shocked at the action, but recovered as Hank's final question had me on edge and caused my fingers to twitch. "What about Phee?"

#detroit become human #dbh spoilers #connor x oc #dbh connor

14 notes · View notes

antrellith · 7 years ago

Text

The illusion of separation

Today, I told my mom about someone that I am interested in pursuing a relationship with.This was something very new for me, because generally I just inform my mom of what I do after I have already done it. This time though, I was inspired by Phee. She told her sister, her mom and her grandmom about me and in recognizing that, I realized that I had to tell my mom about her. Now this wasn’t necessarily an epiphany, it was just like it kinda seemed like a logical process. There were a lot of things I encountered in talking to my mom about this: her resistance to being involved, her wariness of my pursuit of something else so soon, her concern about my emotional well being, and her suggestion for a slow building process amongst other things. I didn’t expect resistance honestly, but I wasn’t taking it sitting down either. I advanced a compelling argument that helped her to see that I was very much aware of my emotional state of being, cognizant of the need to move slowly and impressed upon her that I am asking for them to talk so that she can be a part of this process from the very beginning, so she can give me her opinions and guidance as well.

After this conversation and talking a bit with Phee, I realize that this is a level of unity that I had never really considered before. With this act I am fundamentally restructuring my relationship with my mother. I have before spoken of my lack of attachment to her and this basically fed an idea that I am separate from her, indeed my entire family. I love my mom and my sister to death, but the reality that I experienced as a child growing up has defined our relationship rather than the new conceptualization of unity that i have acquired, at least until very recently. Connecting with my mom on this level though, explaining to her my thinking about emotional maintenance, opening up to her about my desire to pursue what could lead to a serious relationship with someone, expressing to her how I approach relationships in general, and actively seeking to have her on board as I take this step -- all of this has been strangely fulfilling. It feels healthy and wholesome and very deeply satisfying. Its like somewhere deep, I seek and probably have sought her approval, even though I haven’t cognizantly realized that probably ever. At another level, it was fulfilling to show her who I really am, to reveal myself to her. A trope from my childhood was my discomfort in expressing myself with my family. My actions today reversed that reality. I was able to show her who I really am, and though she didn’t understand to begin with, I was able to speak to her and get her to see my reality’ I was able to be myself and she accepted that.

I don’t think I have felt this level of growth in a long time. I am deepening in my understanding that we are all intimately connected with each other. I know being connected to one’s mother should be a no brainer, but its more than that. It’s like I long to cooperate with her, for us to make decisions together. The same with my friends that I was able to reach out to as I was going through the tumults of my break-up. Sharing my emotions and pain with them was really comforting and soothing on a deep emotional level. Honestly, I am growing a lot in the realm of emotional health, and I think being here serving is a big part of that. I have deepen on the word of Baha’u’llah in ways that I haven’t ever really done, particularly in my engagement with the recent letters from the House of Justice and the National Spriitual Assembly. I am noticing a real transformation in the way that I am appoaching the world. Above all, my comprehension of unity has developed significantly, such that I am gradually doing away with the conception and the ramifications of the conception of separateness; I am becoming increasingly aware of the illusion of separation.

0 notes

juliettetsunenaga · 8 years ago

Text

2481.06.09 // Spitting Nails.

[13:33] Cervantes Rexen moves past everyone without a word, to the elevator, and up.

[13:36] Eve hands Juliette what look like gas canisters of some kind. [13:37] Julz smiles and takes the canisters, "Thank you," she looks over to the door, "Hello ladies, how can we help?" [13:37] Phoenix: We'd like to see Cait. [13:37] Julz smiles lightly, "I'm afraid that won't be possible, ladies." [13:38] Phoenix: Why is that? [13:38] Joah just stands there, eyes locked on the Sarge, her brow furrowed in a frown. [13:38] Eve: Cait has been sentenced already and is prepping for processing. [13:38] Phoenix stiffens, clenches her fists, then unclenches them. [13:39] Joah's jaw drops. "Sarge! What? Sentenced for what?" [13:39] Phoenix's voice breaks, "What is the sentence?" [13:39] Julz smiles, "I'm afraid that's confidential." [13:40] Joah bites her lip hard. "Sarge... that ain't right and ya know it. Cait kept three people from gettin' shot by that recruit of yours." [13:40] Phoenix: I... we.... [13:40] Phoenix's face scrunches into a sob, then she recovers herself [13:40] Julz: Joah, I'm afraid that Cait is classed as ‘Artificial with Biological Components’, she willingly injured a Baseline Human. [13:40] Julz: There is nothing further to say on the matter. [13:41] Phoenix: Cait and I live together - we .... *hears Julz’s words and goes stone cold* [13:41] Eve: Joah, she crushed an employees skull, she must take responsibility for that, in order to atone one must first take responsibility for their actions. [13:42] Phoenix: This is about mech hatred? Here in West? At Tokuma? [13:42] Joah: “Your baseline human injured Nyk and tired to injure me and my customers!" Joah draws herself up. “Have ya ever considered if ya had'na given her a rifle in the FIRST PLACE it wouldna happened?” [13:42] Eve: Security isn’t my division, but I will say this, human or mech, an employee is not allowed to injure another. I will make an example of anyone who tries. [13:43] Julz: "Ms Menjou," she smiles slightly, "You are always welcome on corporate premises, as you well know. I cannot however allow you to stand here and question my judgement." [13:43] Phoenix: Cait is my family. There are arrangements - lease agreements - I must attend to. I require some idea of when she will be released in order to see to her affairs. [13:44] Joah gives Eve a completely baffled look. "So... if say.... someone has a gun to my head and THISEC happens by.... I just get shot?" [13:44] Julz: "Phoenix, I understand that this will come as a shock to you... I cannot allow you to see her, at present." [13:44] Joah glances at Julz with a dark look, as if she could spit nails. [13:44] Phoenix: I understand that. I just need to know how long she will be gone. And when I will see her again. [13:44] Eve: Of course not, but overstepping your lines and escalating a situation that could have been avoided needs to be considered. [13:45] Julz glances at Eve, "Her sentence duration will be determined in due course." [13:45] Joah: "It would have been avoided if that crazy ass bitch hadn't been given a weapon!" [13:46] Eve: if their is a problem with private vega following protocol than thats needs to be addressed [13:46] Eve: but isnt a crushed skull punishment enough? [13:46] Phoenix closes her eyes and lets out a long sigh, realizing that "duration" implies a non-instantaneous and fatal punishment [13:46] Julz nods gently, "Any issues with Private Matsushita will be addressed in due course, pending her full recovery." [13:47] Phoenix: her issues will attend to themselves if you set her lose with a gun again. [13:47] Joah gives Julz a pointed look. "Now... ya wanna address it now after all the harm you've caused, Sarge." [13:47] Phoenix: You can be damn sure THIS cyborg will not jump in front of the bullets. [13:48] Julz titlts her head to one side, "Ms Menjou, I am merely following directives from my superiors. Are you suggesting now that you are question not only my judgement, but also that of the Director? Potentially the Council?" [13:49] Joah: "I trust the their judgement... I ain't trustin' *you* to tell the truth about it, though." [13:49] Eve: You look a lot like Cait are you her sister? [13:50] Joah looks over at Eve. "Ya know Cait saved Vega's life too? Or didja even bother to look at the feed?" [13:50] Phoenix looks down [13:50] Phoenix: Same chassis. Allure Plus. [13:50] Julz smiles, "The feed showed me exactly what I needed to know, Ms Menjou. The fatal blow was dealt by your acquaintance. One might suggest you assisted me hugely in her conviction." [13:50] Eve: I don’t think I have been harsh in this judgment, it was the fact she was part human that saved her from being decommissioned today. [13:51] Phoenix: And what if she were all human? [13:51] Phoenix shoots a dire gaze. [13:52] Eve: I will not entertain hypotheticals. [13:52] Phoenix: Sargeant Tsunenaga, I was of the understanding that as a cyborg in West, that I had full legal standing as a human being. If that is not the case, can you please explain the distinction to me so that I know my responsibilities under the law? [13:52] Joah: "THat's a load of bushwa and ya know it, Julz. If ya had any guts, ya'd own up to this yerself. And as a matter o' fact... if Cait hadna stoped Han, yer recruit would be dead. So ya oughta be thankin' her... not sentencin' her." [13:53] Julz simply smiles. [13:53] Eve: Our laws and sentencing are at the discretion of the council and you can trust we will do whatever is in your best interest. [13:54] Joah: "Ya ain't welcome in my shop no more, Sarge.... I used ta respect ya... but ya ain't worth the breath I'm wastin' on ya." [13:55] Phoenix: I would like to avail myself of the council's wisdom by understanding in what way I differ legally from a human being. [13:55] Julz: "Joah... I have nothing to own up to. Had Cait not tried to wrestle a loaded gun from my colleague who was *clearly* trying to defend herself, we might not be in this situation." [13:56] Joah raises her eyes. "Defend herself - from a piece 'o cake without a spork? from a drunk who dropped a beer bottle? And ya can just keep on callin' me Miss Menjou cause only my friends call me Joah." [13:56] Joah: "And I ain't countin' ya as a friend no more." [13:57] Julz rolls her eyes, "Go check your feed, Ms Menjou, my colleague had her arm over her face whilst screaming 'No' if that's not blind fear, I'm not sure what is?" [13:57] Joah: "Then ya ain't oughta have give her a weapon!" [13:57] Joah: "She couldn't even talk straight!" [13:58] Joah: "Was all rollin' her eyes and talkin' about the russhin's or somethin!" [13:58] Joah: "That's who you got protectin' us?" [13:58] Julz shakes her head, "Ms Menjou, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave the premises." [13:58] Eve: Look, activity like this is bad for everyone, our own people fighting amongst themselves? People better start owning up to their actions and you bet full inquiries will be made because I promise you this, Tokuma will not tolerate the expenditure of bad publicity concerning dissention in the ranks solely because individuals decide to go outside their area of expertise in an attempt to control situations they are not qualified to contain. [13:59] Joah: "Oh, I'll leave... I'm more'n happy ta leave... and ya can just get your ramen up in North cause I ain't servin' ya no more and neither is YeYe or NaiNai." [14:00] Julz nods, "Very well, Ms Menjou." [14:00] Joah has barely heard any of the conversation between Eve and Phee. She tries to calm herself down and touches Phee's arm. "Ya comin'?" [14:00] Phoenix turns to Eve "I fully agree. Explain to me my legal responsibilities so that future such misunderstandings can be avoided." [14:00] Phoenix holds up a finger to Joah. [14:01] Eve: We have paid professionals to handle security situations, if they fail in delegation of their duty they will be held accountable. I would appreciate it if our employees acted within the confines of their trained duties. It could help avoid any situations like this from popping up in the future. [14:02] Joah mumbles. "Compensated unless they’re dead." [14:02] Eve: Luckily no one died. [14:02] Phoenix: Yes, but I am concerned with the distinction of human employees vs cyborgs. [14:03] Phoenix: I understood before today that there was no distinction in Tokuma. [14:03] Eve: I am sure the Private will fully recover and Caitlin will be returned to her active duties in due time. [14:03] Julz takes a step forward, "Ladies, ladies.... please, go home. Think about this. And feel free to contact me in the morning." [14:04] Eve: I would say if you are more than 75% augmented, you would fall be classified as machine. [14:04] Phoenix: By volume, weight, or intellectual capacity? [14:05] Julz: "Ladies. I won't ask nicely again." [14:05] Eve: Human volume and weight. [14:05] Joah glances up. "Oh, I'm gonna think about it. Sure will... Julz." She pointedly refuses to call the Sarge by her rank. [14:05] Phoenix turns to Eve, "I'm sorry, it seems our discussion must be cut short. I would like to continue it in another venue at your convenience." [14:05] Joah heads toward the door. [14:05] Eve: It’s hard to defend something’s human rights when its only composed of 25% or less meat. [14:06] Phoenix presumes she has permission to continue. [14:06] Phoenix: So if I am regarded as a machine, how does that change my rights here? [14:06] Julz ushers Phoenix towards the door, "Your baseline friend has left, she might need you to look after her out there. Go." [14:07] Eve: If you are a machine, then you are the sole property of the company. [14:07] Phoenix: Please forgive me, I must go. [14:07] Eve: …and must be evaluated to see how to best utilize your core protocol. [14:07] Phoenix: …until we can talk about this later? [14:07] Julz smiles widely, "Thank you for your time, Phoenix."

0 notes