#we all knew this would be an essay
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for the character ask thingy : nathan explosion:3
:evil: i did this for him 2 years ago on my defunct sideblog but now my brain is 5x bigger
Sexuality Headcanon:
bi but EXTREMELY repressed. i can see his parents being kind of homophobic given the area he grew up in (love them tho. they progressed past it but nate was already on the road by then so he was never reassured or given the opportunity to confront himself), so feeling that way towards another guy makes him feel guilty & scared of being left alone over something really stupid. what scares him most is his friendship w pickles being ruined bc of romantic feelings despite the fact that pickles is... canonically lgbt. silly oblivious nate
Gender Headcanon:
obviously gnc. agender but with a strong attachment to traditional masculinity. he/it/they pronouns, primarily uses he/him, someone using it or they for him makes him feel really powerful and above humanity. little bit of an ego thing lol
A ship I have with said character:
i genuinely believe nathan and pickles are connected through the prophecy to always be together in some way. homoerotic fate that saves the universe or something. they understand each other more than anyone ever could or will.
A BROTP I have with said character:
murderexplosion is really cute (-: nate and will have similar feelings about themselves and the world around them so they get along well. i love when they're in scenes together they bounce off of each other nicely. platonic-w-homoerotic-tension nickles is always a favorite
A NOTP I have with said character:
as said previously i don't like romantic explosiontooth bc of nathan's position as a father figure in toki's life ...i also REALLY do not like how nategail was handled in canon, there was potential w their character types having good chemistry but having it be so rushed really ruined it for me. i'd be fine with it if it had progressed over a season or more instead of 4 episodes. abigail is a criminally underused character in general, she has a lot of potential on her own and they really should have introduced her sooner
A random headcanon:
i'll give you a few <3
i consider him being autistic to be canon so in relation to that, his perfectionism is at its most unbearable when it comes to personal hygiene. he takes 2 showers every day at the same times, 3 if they're touring. if he doesn't have a specific type of soap he will freak out--this manifests as him being extremely on edge and unable to do anything until he gets more of it. wearing the same simple outfit almost every day is also related to this
pickles was the first guy he experimented with after his other high school dropout buddies took him to a bar to drink illegally on his 20th birthday. pickles was almost 23 and nearing the end of a tour, as well as the end of snb
he has a secret stash of magazines in which snb was featured kept in pristine condition
the gigantic red blanket on his bed is weighted. 50lbs
he loves small animals and children bc he feels like he can be himself around them without typical societal judgement, but is scared of even being in proximity to them due to his size and inability to control his strength. feeding ducks is the best alternative
he's 23 in s1e1, making him 31 by doomstar. he's a november scorpio
General Opinion over said character:
do i even need to answer.
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i could honestly write a whole essay on how the internet’s obsession with romanticizing ‘girl dads’ while simultaneously making fun of ‘boy moms’ and gender reveal parties is directly related to a pervasive lack of care for trans men&mascs even among supposedly pro-trans people.
#if people cared about young transmascs at all#they would not be encouraging dads to make their whole identity as a parent based around their kid being a girl#because if they cared about us they would realize that some of those kids might not be girls#and that those kids will absolutely feel how their parent looks at them differently when they don’t fit that father-daughter image anymore#it’s also very much based in misogyny. that would be part of the essay too#we’re very comfortable making fun of moms and don’t care how the parenting we idealize might hurt daughters#tbh we need to start talking about benevolent sexism again#bc some of y’all really seem to think that as long as the surface content is positive it can’t possibly be harmful#and that’s simply not how any of this works and i thought we already knew that#transandrophobia#transandromisia#transmisandry#virilmisia#virilphobia#anti transmasculinity#transmascphobia
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Lois and Clark 2x13
#lois and clark: the new adventures of superman#lois and clark#tnaos#my gifs#my gifs: tnaos#they crashed into each other in the dark#after one of the lamps blew out#Lois stroking his pec is actually insane#it feels so intimate to me#like who does that to their friend who they are on an almost-first date with?#As easy as it would be to have them make out here or even go further than that#I'm kind of glad they didn't#and I love the way he's making it a point to not touch her and get too intimate#i mean i guess first of all they're WORKING doing surveillance#so they can't just make out#but they're also drinking wine so where's the line? lol#but also I like that they're being cautious#like at least they're making steps towards a relationship#but not rushing the intimacy part#although I think Lois would have crossed that line#if he didn't say 'i guess so' when she said 'I guess I should get up'#but ALSO we don't find out until s3 that Clark is a virgin bc he'd been waiting for the right person#and even tho Clark knew the second he first saw her that she is his person#Lois doesn't know that yet#and they're nowhere near making a commitment#and he's still not ready to even tell her he's Superman#someday I'm going to write an essay about Clark wanting wait until they're married to have sex#because I have big feelings about it :')#krista watches tnaos#dctv
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Hey Pencil, can I ask you what you think of Neuvilette's character after the end of the current Archon quest? Not gonna lie, I was a bit disappointed at how he and everyone else treated Furina, but I was curious about your thoughts on the matter
ohohohohohohohoho anon. Dear sweet anon, you've activated my trap card, otherwise known as the Pencil Essay card, because I have sooooo many thoughts about this.
I will say though, I see Neuvilette in context of the story quests too, especially Furina's, as well as his friendship stories and voicelines. So, er, spoilers for that I suppose, but I can't separate those bits away from his character at this point. Anyway.
I frickin love Neuvilette. As a character, he checks a lot of boxes of traits that I adore, like being hella old, a dragon, somewhat isolated from normalcy, a cinnamon roll that can kill you, and Doing His Best. Now, as an important addendum to this, the fact that he is a dragon is a crucial part of the basis, because that's where a lot of conflict starts. He's separated from his kind, he's not a human yet he is confined to a human form, he remembers that the elemental authority should be his but Celestia took it and the archons have it now. The idea he has that he will forever be isolated, and that there will forever be a certain taste of bad blood between him and the rest of the world is founded. And yet. AND YET. Long ago, Focalors asks for him to help lead Fontaine, and he!!! Agrees!!! Neuvilette's character is rooted in a sense of justice and fairness, and in such, he tries to remain open-minded, and thus, he must witness things for himself. When he is presented a change in perspective, he accepts it.
Honestly I thought the Archon Quest did this rather nicely. He worked with Furina, believing her to be Focalors, for years. While Furina did waaay too good of a job in being as showy as possible, their close proximity meant that some of her true ethics and anxieties did make themselves known to Neuvilette. He knew when Furina was panicking and lying, just not why. Likewise, he has had inklings of when she's been sincere, and also, has a better perspective on how other people perceive her. More on that in a second.
Knowing what we know in hindsight, the Archon Quest is....very harsh. But. I understand why it happened that way. It was very clear that neither the Traveler nor Neuvilette wanted to put Furina on trial, however, neither of them were able to get her to tell the truth in private, and time was of the essence. The threat of a whole populace dying (and!!!! People have already died at this point!!!! Civilians!!!) is kind of a big deal. Something happens, or they all die; full stop. Hence, calling out the big guns. Which, to their credit, was just meant as a display of pressure on an actual deity, not an actual trial with death sentences and the discovery that Furina was a stressed out human all along. Focalors wanted that, however, so all according to plan. But very much not what Neuvilette wanted.
Fast forward. For Neuvilette, I think there is something really special to be said that he cares about both Focalors and Furina. He's only ever seen glimpses of both, but when Focalors aims to die to give Neuvilette back what is rightfully his, he protests! He doesn't want that! If there was a way for Focalors to undo the sea, he would accepted that, despite the janky usurped power thing. She is making a divine sacrifice, one that nobody else will truly know, and he mourns the person that is lost for it. Meanwhile, for all that Furina acted as a mask, and acted as if she was entirely self-sustainable, Neuvilette has shown to be concerned over her as a person. He caves so quickly to meet with Arlecchino when it's clear she's nervous, he asks Traveler to look after her, he tries to ask her when she's clearly being flighty. Even little things, like when he tells Traveler to acknowledge Furina at the beginning of the quest when she's showing off, because he knows she equates attention to success (just not why) and he is throwing her a bone. Yes, he is exasperated just as frequently, but Furina is not making it easy at that stage. Her entire schtick is to purposely keep people at arm's length, to be entertaining before she's likable, so really, I think there's an impressive amount of patience to be had.
The thing I have noticed about Neuvilette is that he is the kind of just that is caring. The law is for the sake of the people, and thus, people have become his focus. He denies this for a long time on account of believing himself to be forever an Other, but it is persistent all the same. He quickly wants to see the melusines treated well and with respect when they are integrated with society. He wants to see justice for those who are hurt. He understands, even, when those who do wrong are not bad people, like with Wriothesley. Neuvilette is, at his core, a kind person; however, he is terrible at expressing care in ways we would expect it. In part because he's just Like That, and in other part because he spent so long unaware of it. Usually, this means that he takes things at face value. If a melusine is being threatened, then there is a problem regarding humans' view of melusines again; if Wriothesley crawls out of hell with a Vision and the new title of Duke, then that means he found something to live for and he will support it; if Furina asks for space, then he tries to give her space. Neuvilette is a sincere person, even if sometimes he misunderstands the emotional complexity afoot.
Back to Furina. When it's revealed that she is a human, and she absolutely crashes, Neuvilette may not be the picture of fatherly comfort, but he is there for her in the way she asks, and even, in the ways she doesn't. She wants to be left alone, because Furina is tired of a facade and at this point she believes that everyone will hate both the fake her and the real her. Neuvillete obliges, and he arranges to pay for her apartment and food and make sure she is taken care of, when Furina is clearly not thinking that far ahead. It's clear that he would visit more often, but he's busy being the effective Archon now, and also, he doesn't think Furina would want that. Face value interpretations and all that. However, Neuvilette still appreciates the good that Furina did accomplish, in the mask and out of it. He doesn't fully understand Furina's hangups, but he respects what she does or doesn't want to do.
Now, Furina absolutely hit that depressive slump of a crash. Homegirl is living off of noodles like a broke college student. She thinks the world hates her and that everyone only put up with her because she was the archon and a superstar. Did she need someone to intervene? Sure. But she pushed Neuvilette and Clorinde away when they awkwardly tried, so Furina has to go through the long story quest way, and come to a bit of her own realization that people genuinely respected her ability to act as a skill and a thing of beauty, not just as a lie.
Furina's story quest offers the very best presentation of how Neuvilette sees her, and how, in his own way, he apologizes but also respects everything she has done and is. When Furina goes on stage, despite her valid reservations, and she gives it her all for that actresses sake, and she gives it her all because its real to her too, and Neuvilette sees this and sees her bravery, her spirit, and all of the hard work that Furina has given Fontaine for 500 years. So he tears a chunk off of his power and he gives it to her, in the form of a Vision.
The Visions are such a wonderful representation, because now that Neuvilette is the sole sovereign, without Celestia's janky throne in the way, he has full power over the granting of Visions. He can stop if he wants, because Visions are made by ripping chunks off of the god in question, but Neuvilette has studied and he has learned that humans are amazing and they earn their ambition, and he wants to give to that. So it's an incredibly purposeful gesture here and it carries the meaning of his care and respect in ways that he cannot articulate.
Neuvilette is kind. He's stiff, dutiful to a fault, has trouble being vulnerable and recognizing it in others, but he is trying, and he is kind. He gives credit where credit is do, and he tries to do the right thing, even when he misses the mark. He accepts when he's wrong, though, like with Focalors and Furina, like with missing how the general populace adores the melusines now, like with Childe when he honestly was baffled by the oratrice's absurd verdict. He's an old dragon and he's slow to catch up, but he makes that effort anyway, which I think is really neat. Neuvilette learns and he implements that. In Lantern Rite, he listened to Furina and finally managed to take a vacation, and he made a dumb little dragon ladle and had fun doing it. And he walked away from that realizing why taking a break was important.
So, er, yeah. I think Neuvilette is neat. Furina too. I really wish we can see them interacting more now that Furina is finally getting it through her skull that people do, in fact, want to be her friend and spend time with her, and I would love to see more on the implications that Traveler has told him of the other archons' exploits and he is forced to admit that they also either have no idea what's going on or that they known of them took the elemental authority on purpose/for the sake of it, but that's either an end-game thing or we'll never get it. Alas. Still I think Fontaine and all of hydro is in good hands with him.
Also he's an awkward dragon yall know I love grandpa dragon men who have parental bones but have no idea how to use them on purpose. I have. a type. of course I'm looking hard at neuvilette he's got the whole package
So uhhhhhh yeah. Yeah. I will. End it there.
#genshin impact#neuvillette#pencil essay#anon#ask#character analysis#if you look closely you can tell I love furina's story quest#i wrote this unedited at 3-4 am so#like most of my tumblr essays this is not my best work#but it is my raw unhinged work which is why we are all on this hellsite#but yeah honestly i do give neuv credit for his patience#if i had to deal with furina acting like that i would have strangled her#the cast doesn't get clued in on her inner actions until the last second#we get a bit like with arle stabbing her when she was petting a cat#also its mad frustrating to try to help someone who refuses help so I get it#especially when nobody knew furina's reason#because she couldn't tell anyone#focalors' master plan was brilliant but cruel#which they both knew going into this#so uhhh yeah the archon quest was rough but I get it
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Thinking thoughts about those from Cuivienen and how they later treated the Valar, especially after Cuivienen was destroyed.
I imagine a foundation of sorrow and a layer of betrayal and pettiness. They had promised safety. And how did it turn out? Kin of Tata and Tatie their first leaders, slain in Valinor by the Dark Hunter from which the Valar promised protection in Valinor.
And then, the War of Wrath comes and with it the destruction of Cuivienen.
If any of those were re-embodied in Aman, I wonder if they make it a point to always turn their back to Valar and Maiar. I wonder if they only speak in the tongue they had first devised all those millennia ago and spoke in Cuivienen before time and different kindreds changed the tongue, not Sindarin or Quenya from the Great Journey's time or later. I wonder if they sing songs in their ancient tongue, songs about the beauty and unsullied health of Cuivienen every time any of the Ainur are near.
I wonder if the Valar feel any shame when those who they once looked upon in wonder and love gaze back at them with indifference or disgust.
#i am so normal about the elves of cuivienen feeling the betrayal worse than anyone in aman including feanor and co#they PROMISED safety from Morgoth and orcs. they PROMISED beautiful lands without sorrow. they PROMISED all that and down the line#decided Mogoth had played pretend well enough to warrant him probation during which he immediately killed again#returns to the east and sullies what beauty had been left. and then even from afar he manages to hurt those from cuivienen with the WoW#dont get me wrong i think the cuivienen elves knew there had to be war against Morgoth for him to be defeated. but the fact that the valar#decided not to only abandon those of beleriand for over 5 centuries before that AND once the war is won also abandon#those of cuivienen to watch their beloved lands drown without as much a warning must sting.#i want there to be a concious decision of 'you abandoned your promise to us twice why should we ever trust you again even in your own lands'#a 'you promised our people who folowed you safety. you didnt deliver. you promised us freedom from morgoth. you didnt deliver. in fact your#inadequacy and decision to let him loose made everything worse for us in the east. why should we ever listen to anything you say'#and thus a concious effort to shed association with Aman as the Valar govern it. they cant leave. the way is shut. but they can establish#a sticking to their own tongue and traditions without the interference of the Ainur. they've done enough. not enough and yet quite enough.#the avari are welcome should some be reborn.#i never know if i want those of cuivienen to be reborn in aman or fade into unexistence entirely both have merit and sexy hcs#but if any were reborn i think they would get along fairly alright with the exiles. kinslaying exiles? 50/50 depending on repentance#but anyone who does not believe the valar's words and respects their decision to not ever be associated with them is welcomed neutral-warmly#they teach them songs about cuivienen. the sweet waters. beautiful meadows. the birdsong that sounds extra cheerful. fish in abundance#and in turn they get taught songs about beleriand. bewitched forests. victorious battles. wild rivers. frothy shores.#it is seen as an honour to be taught a song about Cuivienen by the people who sat by its shores once. in their language/dialect/whatever#instead of in sindarin or quenya. some millenia into the 4th age tou have a surge of ppl speaking cuivienen dialect#it becomes a clear distinction of who still has fondness left for the valar and who would feel indifferent if they vanished suddenly.#this tag essay has gotten way too long again. sorry besties it will happen again.#tag essay longer than the fucking post???? help#tolkien headcanons
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lays on the floor do you guys ever think about how in ResF Bulma falls for Vegeta's fake-out with Freeza and both she and Yamcha are worried about Vegeta's villain fake-out strategy in Champa and Beerus' mini tournament and how it's only been a couple of years since the Buu saga and how Vegeta straight up stopped using that strategy after that tournament
#i do#do you think he noticed it upset her twice in a row and was like 'oh I haven't earned the trust back yet i'll retire this strat'#'it's fun to scare people but i do not like my wife being scared we can put this one up on the shelf for emergencies only'#because like bulma can consciously trust him and I'm sure she does but one can still have The Fear if you've seen your spouse relapse befor#And he probably thinks it's very amusing but it is also almost certainly very not funny for her no matter how much she trusts him#and the next arc is Trunks and she's so worried about the way he left she ignored the PDA rules and squished him when she saw him alive#Because Geets determination can be self destructive when it comes to Bulma and Trunks and he killed himself to protect them once before#and knowing how connected they've been for so long some part of her probably Knew he would opt to stay behind and die like he was going to#And I love the idea that between those two events and all of the things Trunks tells him about Bulma during the GB arc Geets has to really#really be confronted with how loved he is -- and it's not that he wasn't aware before but knowing she even missed him at his worst#and loved him maybe even before she was pregnant -- means the cruel part of his mind can't make excuses for why she stayed with him#I also like to think that being confronted with the idea that Bulma is still scared for him getting his worst wires tripped#wouldn't be offensive to him. Knowing he's still got work to do if his wife is worried about those things happening to him again#is just proof that she loves him with his flaws and was still thinking about it and supporting his recovery when he didn't#even notice he was recovering -- which has always been true of her -- and now he has the chance to support her recovery in return#and being in a place where he can still put that work in to make her feel secure in his priorities is a privilege and a gift#and man I just really like how casually comfortably close they are in Super's manga I love them a lot they worked so hard#to make each other feel safe and secure for the past decade+ that it's Easy for them both now and they're SUCH a confident couple#and I am once again shaking the anime by the shoulders WHY didn't you give us that they are SO the team's Mom and Dad in the manga#until Goku riles Vegeta up -- then Piccolo is the team Dad. Bc Piccolo is the team Grandpa aksjda The Z-Fighter's locker room judge#dbtag#vegebul#putting the whole essay in the tags again oops#happy pride i am gay for a whole married couple
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had a dream about a mid-apocalyptic dystopian town, forced under a strict regime by a need to survive. People who bent or broke the rules, even accidentally, were imprisoned, straight-up beaten on the spot by guards, or publicly tortured depending on the offense.
Now this is a Very Whumpy Setting, but the most memorable part of the dream was me trying to stop a guard from beating a man who was obviously having bones broken, and when I yelled for her to stop, she glared at me and went,
"are you trying to stand in the way of the law?"
and I didn't have a good reply so I was just like, "no, I just think you're hot"
And she got all flustered and the guy she was attacking got away lol
#to be fair she WAS hot but acab#irrelevant to this anecdote but worth a tag essay: the guards/police all wore full stormtrooper armor for some reason#and as a budding rebel leader i started raising this as a 'cmon they're clearly just living a power fantasy where did they even get those'#there were some zombies but the actual apocalypse was unclear? maybe a giant freak storm that destroyed a lot#there was an excessive amount of candy especially gummies and i think the little town had been beside a gummy facotory or something#but me and the townspeople started creating a gummy stockpile for an emergency energy supply because we knew when we started to rebel#food supplies would be cut off by the guards#and they wouldn't notice the gummies missing while we planned so they'd at least buy us time to get the upper hand#we figured out they had a very limited supply of ammunition so the big plan was to destroy all the bullets and then go hand to hand#dream log
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hey bestie i'm finally here with that essay about jacob fighting for bella's humanity w/o being a love interest bc the potential that has! he's set up to be the perfect avenue for it! he's the warmth and sun that she loved from arizona; he's the community and family she could be deeply enmeshed in w/ charlie and billy; he's a childhood friend who grew up (which bella's going to lose the potential to do if she becomes a vampire! and she's going to forget that past!); he's someone who fixes up old damaged cars instead of having perfect ones, and they aren't the *same* but they're still good...he's literally thematically everything best abt being human that bella will lose, AND examples of the negatives she sees in humanity, (all the times she thinks abt how the wolves are fragile in comparison to the vampires)...and it would just be SO fascinating to see that played out w/out the romance. it would honestly be even more powerful! bc baked into smeyer's worldbuilding is that vampires prioritize their romantic partners above everything else and having jacob be the true contrast to that where he's a platonic connection that bella genuinely values equally and she has to think abt how becoming a vampire would cut her off from the potential of connections like that!!! i am thinking so many thoughts
BESTIE thank you as always for dropping the Jacob love in my inbox!
you're so right about Jacob being the perfect avenue to explore Bella's doubt about vampirism! the warmth & family & community & LOVE & acceptance & nostalgia she loves about humanity is all embodied in Jacob's character & in their relationship. she likes hand-me-downs & homemade gifts! she likes acts of service! she likes reckless stunts that remind her of her own fragility & weakness! she likes warm sodas & spaghetti dinners! she likes being reminded that she belongs somewhere! & THIS IS JACOB <3
the fact that their relationship isn't utilized to this end (or any end, really) is my biggest problem with Eclipse. Bella drops little hints in the narrative that she's nervous about becoming a vampire. there are so many opportunities— e.g. when Rose tells her story— for her to reflect on what she's giving up.
in the end, she doesn't sum up the argument in a compelling way & doesn't make her choice in a believable way.
in part because the event that kicks off her grand realization that she's not ready (AKA THE CONFLICT OF HER ENTIRE SERIES ARC) is ...graduation
big life event as a catalyst seems to make sense. but how relevant is it to her narrative? & once it's brought up, we don't we see her digging into why she's nervous. what about saying goodbye makes her not ready? what about getting what she wants terrifies her? what does she need to sort through? what plans does she need to make? we're left to wonder what's running through Bella's mind re: the biggest decision of the series...in a first person narrative. no!!!
Jacob, who embodies all these ideals of her humanity, should be the one to push her to this realization. the climax of her internal conflict should be focused around him: losing him physically/emotionally (or both), & everything he represents. there is so much weight that her relationship with Jacob adds to her choice if she's allowed to love him and Edward unconditionally! as a romantic interest, all Jacob's doing is pushing her away.
(& that's why this whole fucking triangle makes no sense. he loves her so much he remembers her from early childhood. he loves her so much he'll sit there for months & pick up her broken pieces. he loves her so much he'll spend every moment just doing silly little hobbies together. he loves her so much he wants to fight for her humanity "until her heart stops beating" AND EVEN AFTER. but he doesn't love her enough to respect her choices or opinions? he doesn't love her enough to know that by being an asshole, he's pushing her closer to death? imo this is where we see stephie's grubby hands moving pieces. Jacob loves her more than he's in love with her.)
& so, because the "i'm not ready" realization is tied to something Bella doesn't give a shit about, the realization that she is ready is equally empty
what makes her decide she's ready to become a vampire is GUILT & FEAR & ANGUISH. she's "ready" to become a vampire because she feels weak & useless. worse, this realization is not touched on as the event (the training sesh) unfolds. she has this realization OFF-PAGE & then shows up to Edward's proposal like "yeah i'm ready to become a vampire but first i wanna fuck :)"
& we're supposed to buy that? girl, you resolved nothing internally. you didn't show us what changed for you. you're making this decision out of fear instead of out of love. & we're supposed to believe this is what little miss "thoughtful & responsible" wants???
it's such a blatant disregard to all the growth she went through & the relationships she developed. you can't just turn Jacob in a fucking asshole & turn the choice into a non-choice & call it day. Jacob deserves better, Bella deserves better, & the readers deserve better!!
MAKE 👏 EVERYONE 👏 SUFFER👏👏👏
(in the name of love!)
#i am WINDED from this post but youre so right and i just want to shout it from the rooftops#you are my ultimate bestie in crime#thank you for the essay#it's so carthartic to talk about & iron out what's wrong with jacobs charcter#bc its so nebulous right#was he assassinated? were his traits in NM simply blown out of proportion? how much flak does he deserve & how much grace should we give hi#tbh even after all i dont think most of rhe fandom realizes just how dirty jacob was done#i just witnessed a discord server convo the other day abt how people who think jacobs charcterization is racist is SUS#LIKE!!!! IF YOU KNEW ANYTHING AMERICAN LIT you would know jacobs charcterization#follows a LONG pattern of anti-native sterotypes in lit-#ok ok ok im not getting on that now i will literally never leave this post#but STILL the boy is just not given enough grace and nuance in this fandom tbh#so to talk about it here with a fanfic master like yourself is a BREATH a fresh air#in conclusion: i love you
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i had a dream last night that there was an alternate cut of the NME Poll Winner's Concert (1965) that captured different angles of the bands performing and the Animals' portion of the show was an unchanging, straightforward shot of the whole band and i could see each and every moment Alan looked up at Eric (no jump cuts required) 😔🙏
#i have no idea how many times i've posted images/gifs of alan at nme 1965 looking at eric at this point b u t 😔🙏 i will do it forever#this really puts into perspective how little animals footage there is out there featuring alan in the band 😔😔😔#the fact that i've having dreams about an alternate cut of footage we ALREADY HAVE IN ITS ENTIRETY#i don't mind though........ any extra price-burdon footage i can witness would mean the world to me#i mean the current edit of nme 1965 footage is honestly really good and it *is* obvious that alan is looking at him#just..... imagine if they were actually on screen together.......#(yes i am projecting what i saw in the british film institute here it opened my eyes to a world of softness i always knew existed.......)#more posts to remind connie to UPDATE THE ALAN AND ERIC ESSAY#anyway i find it so so sooooo interesting just how often alan looks at eric when performing with him....#he usually keeps his eyes closed or when his eyes are open it's to direct his band members or orchestra#but with eric it's just watching *him*. enjoying performing with *him*. wanting to keep an eye on *his* interpretation and pace of the song.#ooHHHhHHHhH IT MAKES MY BRAIN IMPLODE. IN A GOOD WAY.#they have been keeping my brain active and happy amidst filling in for a bunch of people at work <3#which i enjoy doing because i like my coworkers b u t it's nice to relax and think about Animal amidst it all as well......#wheeee.. time to work on my animals in americ poster..... think about price-burdon more..... UPDATE MY ESSAY. PLEASE CONNIE.#alan price#eric burdon#the animals#things i said today
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One funny thing to me is that sometimes my bestie will send me reels like this one
And I have to be like. Bestie I appreciate that you’re on my “side” ig but 1 I’m just having fun and 2 in no way did he treat me like his bf and our FIRST text conversation he was like “hey I don’t want you to get the wrong idea bc I don’t want a relationship”
#like. if anyone was “in the wrong or immature here it was for sure me#but I KNEW that going in that’s why I’m not upset or anything#I’m literally chilling and my friends are so mad for no reason#how do you say I’m literally not mad in a believable way. bc I’ve tried and they have NOT believed me#and then I’ll mention us hanging out off handedly and they’ll be like details now I’m like ok here’s the highlights they’re like wtf.#I’m like. I didn’t give you details for a reasonnnnnnnnnnnn#it’s not happening. it’s okay. it’s fine to be weird flirty friends. that’s fine.#also. I kinda. don’t agree with the original post anyway? like. the line between platonic and romantic is so vague like. doing stuff and#then realizing you might have been giving the wrong impression so you communicate what you want is not immature. it’s actually the opposite#so idk#my bestie has been in a relationship for a year and is like. anyone who’s not willing to commit rn is immature like. girl. I don’t even know#if I want to commit. so it’s literally so beyond okay.#the fact that we haven’t fucked yet is honestly? maturity I think. or maybe he just had the entire world convince he wants me and doesn’t#but I think what’s going on is he does like me but doesn’t want a relationship for mental heath reasons (he has kind of implied this im not#pulling this out of my ass) in which case. i do appreciate that he hasn’t tried to sleep with me (bc i would say yes and that would probably#me worse/harder to get over/ignore)#these tags are an essay Jesus. I’ve been drinking all day on the beach lmaooooooo#also it’s my birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#work guy -_-
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i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"
#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back#in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou#so i was like damn i would've totally passed#anyway hashtag classic maya but idk#i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college#but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji)#and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again#so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da#i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work#so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time#i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time#with the genre of shows i watch at least#so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like#a good place to be#i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles#so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point#those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss#personal
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I THINK I DID OK ON MY FRENCH EXAM???????? HOURRA!!!!
#LIKE THERE IS NO WAY IM GETTING A 1 KIND OF OK. 3 IS FEASIBLE 4 IS POSSIBLE 2 IS ALSO POSSIBLE. ALRIGHT!!!!!#the multiple choice had me stabbing and clawing at my legs the whole time it was AWFUL i couldnt tell what they were saying at ALL#but i think i was able to fake it decently well we'll see#the email response was alright (though i didnt close elegantly oops)#and the essay was surprisingly good??? i fully didnt do half the essays we were assigned (sorry madame </3) but i finished before time was#up. and it was pretty ok too as far as little french essays go#i fully didnt respond to like 3/5 prompts in the conversations task lol. that's a 1 for sure and i knew that going in#not my best but pretty comparable to most of my performances on the task prior. me when audio processing#AND THE CULTURAL COMP WAS ON ONE OF THE ONLY TOPICS I COULD CONFIDENTLY SPEAK ABOUT LET'S GOOOOOOOO#i was SO excited when i saw that lol. yes thats MY topic of choice hehehe#waaaaaaahhh im so happy it's over!!! i was so scared!!!!! plus it was like 4 hours long which is fucking bonkers to mr#i thought the mcqs would be like 60 mins but no. ig bc of the audio prompts#sheeshhhh i can barely even feel scared about The Problem from earlier today bc im sooo happy (<- this will have consequences later)#anyway the writing tasks in particular made me feel like i knew a lot more french than i thought. makes me wanna continue it even though#my incentive's gone :))#and i mean. we'll see ig. but I'd love to get better at it. the hope is that im gonna sunk cost fallacy my way into fluency basically#anyway hellll yeahhhhh#mwah mwah#etc
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fuck i just proofread my friend's research so she could submit it to a journal and i forgot how much i love proofreading :((
#memus do u remember we used to proofread the squad's essays for funsies. i miss that. didnt realize i would miss that#also the research fucked i actually understood what was happening. so many research articles im like#you wrote all this down but you didnt actually say any real words. i still have no clue what you actually did#so very cool to hear about what my friend is doing and actually understand it#although i guess im biased because shes dairy manufacturing so like. of course i knew what the words she was saying meant#also i love writing papers i will say i kind of miss humanities classes#school post#everyone says im really good at essays and im like YEAH i go feral for a well written summary or analysis or argument#also my mom is an english college professor. i didnt have a choice. i was always going to be good at writing and reading#also i think its funny ive got two mutuals i have nicknames for and its memus (blushingjuliet) and memer (memerataphor)#sorry if you two have been getting confused heehee. symptom of being friends with me
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can college just like, pause for a moment. I wanna catch up on linktober :(
#josh talks#college as always is kicking my ass#god i wish homework weren't a thing#like i do admit sometimes it can be helpful. like in math i really do need to do homework#cuz i have a shit memory so i really do need to practice#but most homework!! is meaningless busy work!!!!!#read one of my class's syllabi (?) and it said to be ready to spend 6-12 hours a week on homework outside of class#like bro wtf#i literally almost didnt graduate highschool because of homework.#like my grade of in class work would be really really good but i literally failed so many classes because of homework#and nothing else#shoutout to my chem teacher who was the first to realize that it wasn't laziness#he came up to me and pointed out all my grades of in-class assignments and they were literally all 100%#so like. he knew i knew this stuff but he also knew that it likely wasnt laziness or i probably wouldnt be doing#quite that well in in-class stuff too#like he told me that i knew what i was doing. and he told me that he knew i was smart and capable#and it really meant a lot to hear that from a teacher.#cuz he wasn't saying this stuff to then just express disappointment in me not completing homework or anything#no he was a little concerned about me and wanted to help#and i hadn't ever really had a teacher tell me something like that before without a “but...”#some of my favorite teachers ive ever had are the ones who aren't afraid to compliment their students#more teachers need to learn that telling your students that theyve done well is a really good thing to do#cuz goddamn all throughout our education we are only ever told negative things#only ever get points knocked off. only ever get criticism and things to do better next time#i remember the first time i ever got feedback on an english essay that was positive#took me until junior year of highschool. cuz up until then my essays either needed a lot of work#or met the requirements and thus didn't need any comments made on it. cuz for some reason school is allergic#to telling students anything that isn't negative#it was baffling to get comments on what i did well. on my strengths in writing (that i didnt even know i had!)#and even just to be told that it was an enjoyable read
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Teacher guilt for saying something not bad, just not precisely kind, that was entirely born out of frustration is real and comes roaring back when I should be enjoying my book at the end of the day.
#I’ve brainwashed myself and I try to be kind and honest and direct and exemplify the behaviors I want them to show as well rounded humans. b#but I’m not perfect of course. I get easily irritated and exhausted so I try to fake it all. but it gets harder and harder the later we get#in the week. I knew this week would be hard bc of the esssy writing process. first essay this year. but still. I want to be a better human f#for them. and I wasn’t quite there a couple of times today.#and now I feel guilty for saying something when a kid left the room. I said it quietly. but I said it in front of my helper’s and it wasn’t#professional of me and they won’t remember by Monday but I’ll feel guilty about it for the foreseeable future
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So I've had quite a bit of time now to absorb the above take and consider all perspectives on this and whilst I can understand where OP is coming from on their specific perspective, I think OP is fundamentally wrong on a few points. I get that not everyone on the internet that day was an avid Supernatural fan/Destiel shipper and I get that the state of the world and the political climate (specifically in America) were particularly dire at that point and so I can see why you would want to reduce the importance of SPN/Destiel's role in the hysteria, but the truth is that regardless of everything else, Destiel going canon very much was the fuse that blew everything else up, and nothing else would have had even remotely the same impact.
Let me attempt to explain why.
Under a cut because obviously this isn't a quick and simple thing to explain so only click read more if you genuinely want to understand this whole insane mess.
Now bearing in mind I am not American, even I can admit that on a global scale the US elections this time around were tense - Trump turned your country into a global laughing stock on one hand, and quite a concerning dangerous liability on the other. The rest of the world was very much watching on with baited breath to see how the election would turn out. But I think we should stress that the Election took place several days before November 5th. Yes, the results this time around were taking a while to be revealled, building up the tension and anticipation, but regardless, had Destiel not come along and caused mass hysteria the Election would not have had such a huge impact on pop culture at the time. It would have still been iconic and pivotal of course, but it in no way would have caused the same insanity everywhere on the internet for the following week.
OP states that any inane fandom drama could have had the same effect. That any other fandom ship going canon could have given the same outcome. This is where OP and I fundamentally disagree. OP actually already contradicts themselves when they state "except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis"
Because here is the thing. I have been on tumblr nearly a decade, and I have certainly learnt a lot through dashboard osmosis. I knew about Superwholock, and Hannibal, and Spirk of course, but nothing holds a candle to Supernatural and the Supernatural Fandom for size, consistency, and dedication to shit posting. There is a reason SPN fandom became infamous back in the days for "we have a gif for that". There is a reason why Destiel holds the top spot for most fanfictions on AO3. There is a reason tumblr groans every April 1st as someone inevitably tries to recreate the mishapocalypse.
If it had been Spirk going canon somehow, sure, the internet would have celebrated. They probably would have done it in some reasonably well written respectable way. Old Spirk fans would surely have come out to cheer it on. The internet would have laughed about the timing sure, maybe we all would have trolled that old bastard William Shatner until he finally deleted his Twitter (if only). Spirk would have probably trended (though perhaps not over the election), but the likelihood of anyone outside of Star Trek fans going mad and joining in on the hysterical shit posting hilarity of that night and the following days is probably quite slim. I think the same can be said for most ships. Because lets be honest now, most ships aren't Destiel.
Now I'm not saying this in a smug "my ship is better than your ship" way at all. Because the Destiel impact is absolutely not about that. What you have to understand is the very specific very hostile relationship that Supernatural Fandom has with the Supernatural Creators which is very much unique to Supernatural and was very much responsible for the hysteria that night. (yes we can argue Sherlock creators were also hostile towards the fandom but I promise you with every fibre of my being as someone who experienced both shows and fandoms in real time they were NOT the SAME.)
Supernatural was a 15 year long reign of terror on its fandom. It was 15 years of queerbaiting that somehow became genuine queer coding once the showrunners had changed hands enough times, yet still consisted of an internal struggle among its creators who were half very supportive of the ship and half absolutely adamantly against it due to either a genuine dislike of SPN even remotely stepping away from a brother-centric narrative, or just run of the mill homophobia. It was a ship that was built upon consistently without long hiatus's over a 12 year period (which is an extremely long time in internet time) and its fanbase at its height was most definitely among the biggest on the internet.
It is because of this very particular relationship that SPN has with its fanbase, that has lead to SPN fandom over the past 15 years being pretty fucking hilarious in its self deprecation, humour style, and its own antagonism towards the show. There are genuinely people on tumblr who claim to be part of the "SPN fandom fandom" who don't care about the show but follow the tags and bigger bloggers simply for how fucking hilarious the fandom has become through 15 years of experience in dealing with this absolute dumpster fire show and its ridiculous real life dramas. I cannot express enough how unique SPN fandom is in this regard. The fact is, if you were part of SPN fandom at any point, you would have picked up this particular style of humorous blogging and even if people left the fandom over the years, that particular experience never would have left them. No other fandom could have pulled of the mishapocalypse (to this day still probably the best April Fools joke in internet history) and you betcha that SPN fandom was pivotal in getting Goncharov to have as big an impact as it did. You may consider modern tumblrs sense of humour to be just a tumblr thing, but I guarantee it would not be the way it is without SPN fandom laying the foundations all those years ago. Calling Tumblr "The Destiel Website" is not actually hyperbole. It's fact. Destiel and SPN were unique in building the foundations on what we now consider pretty standard tumblr culture.
So on that note, You have a fandom that has "sleeper agents" all over the world all sporting the same "trauma" about this show and years of experience in excellent shitposting on the internet, you have a show which has basically been playing Schrodingers Ship with its fanbase for at least the past 3 years. Most people who had a tumblr blog during the height of the SuperWhoLock era are aware of Destiel and how insane it was, even if they never really had any interest in it (if only thanks to their posts being hijacked by a SPN gif). Even if it were a regular day - no US elections, no covid19, no horrible real world traumatic events dominating the trending topics on Twitter - Destiel going canon would have still caused absolutely insanity online unlike any other fandom ship could have caused. I guarantee it. Not just because of Destiel being a very long running popular ship, but because of the way it happened. Because no other show would have done it like that. No other show would have had one of the lead characters confess their gay love for the other lead character seemingly out of the blue (it wasn't, but only if you really pay attention to subtext) and then immediately die whilst the other lead character has barely any reaction and doesn't respond (he does have a reaction, but unless you are very clued in on Jackles micro-expressions its not gonna register).
No other show would have made a queer ship go canon in such a ridiculous way that was so perfectly primed for tumblr style shitposting (tumblr style being SPN fandom style originally anyway). So of course, even if there hadn't been historic world events happening, it would have been an absolutely insane night on the internet. The fact that it DID happen in the midsts of several historic world events only added fuel to the fire and created a perfect storm of hilarious memes and chaos and caused Destiel to trend over the US election - leading serious political journalists to scratch their heads and wonder what the fuck was happening.
It wasn't the US election that lead to the insanity of November 5th 2020. It was Destiel. Destiel was the fuse, the US election was just fuel being added to the fire. Everything else - the Sherlock S5 rumours, the Putin stepping down rumours, the revelations in certain Manga and Anime fandoms - none of that would have even been a blip on the wider internets radar were it not for Destiel and SPN fans (both current and former) going nuts with the memes, spreading rumours and world news like wildfire across the internet, all because of their glee over Destiel going canon in typical SPN style - being the most ridiculous and frankly hilarious way possible.
The reason we have the Destiel news meme, and the reason why it continues to be one of the most popular meme formats next to distracted boyfriend, is because Destiel fans were spreading the chaotic news about the election and other weirder news globally on that night and throughout the following week. Because whilst OP calls the Destiel part inane, and irrelevant in the grander scheme of what went down that night, the truth is that no other insane fandom news would have had even a fraction of the impact that Destiel did. Because no other fandom has the same batshit crazy history and build up that Destiel did. No not even Spirk. Spirk may have a longer history, but it doesn't have anywhere near the consistency Destiel had. No other fandom would have been able to carry all of that hysteria and spread it like a virus across the internet the way SPN fans did.
If Destiel hadn't happened, November 5th 2020 would have been nothing more than another night during an intense election in America, and the rest of the world would have simply forgotten shortly after - with the exception being the UK who continue their disturbing tradition of burning an effigy of a traitor who tried to blow up a tyrranical government 400 years ago on a bonfire on this particular night each year and created the very apt poem "remember remember the fifth of November" for it, which is easily co-opted by SPN fandom now. No other fandom news would have had the same impact on internet history. No other fandom could have turned this into an annual Tumblr holiday. No other fandom is quite as insane as SPN fandom nor as devoted to shitposting and irritating the fuck out of anyone not in SPN fandom in order to pull this off.
If it had been anything else, it wouldn't be the same. If it had been anything else, OP certainly wouldn't be writing about it now, because the anniversary celebrations wouldn't have irritated them enough to complain about Destiel in a tumblr post - because no other fandom is quite as annoying as SPN fandom enough to make random people want to revise the history and erase that which annoys them. No other fandom does it like them. I say this from experience.
So whilst anyone not interested in SPN and Destiel are more than welcome to blacklist the tags, block the bloggers, and try as hard as they can to ignore the truth of what happened that night just over 3 years ago, don't you dare try to pretend that it wasn't the very specific trigger of Destiel going canon that caused that hysteria - a global hysteria mind you, not an America-centric hysteria. Because whilst OP tries to make out that November 5th was primarily about the US election, Destiel was a global event, or at least, a Western World event with people joining in the hysteria all across Europe and even as far as Australia and New Zealand (and Destiel has a huuuuge fanbase in South America as well). We don't rewrite history in these parts. we embrace it, even if it is really fucking annoying.
People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.
The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.
But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.
The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.
This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.
Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.
So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-
And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—
And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!
If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.
The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.
It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)
I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.
I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.
The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win
#destiel#remember remember the fifth of november#destiel day#supernatural#fandom wank#i guess#revisionist history#long post#yeah I wrote an essay under the cut explaining how uniquely annoying spn fandom are#and how and why no other fandoms can compare#all fandoms are annoying#but spn fandom has been taking that to another level since 2009#don't underestimate them#also the US centrism in the original post is really irritating#because I was seeing people online in the days following nov 5th from all over the world primarily focused on the destiel part#and not the US election part#so whilst the US election was a contributing factor#it certainly wasn't what caused the chaos in any sense#Look destiel was always gonna break the internet when it happened#we were discussing that for years before it happened#we knew just how feral spn fandom would be when it happened#and we were proven right#(by we i mean me and my mutuals and friends who were involved in spn fandom back in the day)#anyway i think i have said enough#watch me immediately mute this post ha
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