#watch riverdale

[theiliad]

THOUGHT EXERCISE TIME you have to script one (1) hiram/archie kiss into the existing show somewhere. no plot impact at all, it's never going to be brought up again onscreen it just becomes part of the overall texture of everything that's already going on in canon between them. where does it go, for maximum high camp and/or dramatic impact (double spaced on lined paper by friday eod)

anon. i'm in love with you.

okay so i've thought about this and i think for maximum impact i'm putting it in the exile scene. hear me out.

we're echoing the judas kiss between archie and joaquin in season three. we're doing it in this moment that's the culmination of their relationship. and, perhaps most importantly, it's happening in front of the whole town and never getting mentioned again. which is a thought that just delights me because that moment is their attempt to cut out the rot from their town, to prove that they're better than him by sparing him.

kissing archie in that moment? it's a final take that. it's a promise that, no matter how hard they try, they can't ever really get rid of him, he's already wormed his way into the heart of the town. it casts archie and their relationship and the decision to spare him in a whole new light that archie has to deal with and he doesn't.

and then he puts a bomb under his bed <3

[visenyaism]

"asoiaf needs a Hiram lodge" is that not what Varus is?

so hiram is a schemer like varys but he’s so much more than that. he’s a mid-tier white collar embezzler. he’s a mob boss responsible for the death of papa poutine (rip). he’s an olympic-tier hater. he’s a mild mannered gentrifier. he’s a comic book supervillain trying to strip mine palladium out from under riverdale. he’s responsible for all crime. he’s archie’s gothic double. he leads a formidable criminal empire but all his enemies are teenagers running the school newspaper. he’s veronica’s dad/business rival/past/present/future. he’s goofy but everyone takes him 10000% seriously. he’s the death of innocence, the metaphysical and spiritual antagonist of the narrative as a whole whose introduction in season 2 sends it wildly careening off of ever staying in one genre ever again. he’s The Adversary. he’s 5’6. hiram is hiram forever and there’s actually no 1:1 equivalent anywhere else idk what to tell you

[splicejunction]

every day I open people’s posts type this and leave you’re all welcome

[riverdale-retread]

The posts I keeping seeing about “I will watch Riverdale from when I stopped in Season [1/2/3/4] if [something the entire world knows they will never show on American TV in Year 2023] happens!” or “[Interact with my post in this specific way] and I will watch Riverdale!” remind me of the reddit posters who are like “I am a totally straight man but each time I see a dick I wanna put it in my mouth.”

Bestie! Sweetie! Friend!  Accept yourself, and you’ll be so much happier that way.   Just watch Riverdale. I know you really want to.  Be who you really are.

[yesokayiknow]

an observation on how tumblr talks about shows

[dareduffie]

when will people learn that live-action remakes will never be good as their original animated counterparts because the glory of animation is the colour, movement, and fantasy that's just untranslateable to live-action

[garbagequeer]

always saying this

[melodyoffire]

“you can’t ship lucy mcclean with a homicidal ghoul” may i introduce you to a little game called fallout 4

[samthechaotic]

I leave the batfandom for A WEEK then come back and find out that not only jason todd is dead AGAIN but *checks notes* he died an EMBARRASSING death??? and *checks notes* HE'S ALIVE???

[fashion4standusers]

Anyway, if I had a nickel for every time a series had six installments that gradually escalated in ridiculousness, only for the sixth installment to end with a universe reboot and the seventh installment to pick up in a new universe where alternate versions of the original characters now exist in the distant past, I'd have two nickels.

One of those series is JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. The other is Riverdale

[paging-possum]

I think it would HATE riverdale and i think amena coerces it into watching all 137 episodes by telling it there’s musical episodes

[theiliad]

Sorry I blasted you with the Riverdale beam on main. If I was Hiram I would just blame you for liking one of the anon asks in the first place and making yourself into a target for rogues ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (kidding) But your post is so good. Do you think Hiram's illness was real?

lmao you're all good i'm never gonna be mad about anyone asking my thoughts on riverdale ever.

interesting question! i think it depends on what you mean by real. personally, i don't think hiram would consciously malinger, even for the sake of manipulating the people around him (though he's extremely obviously not above using it for that), it goes too much against the ideas of masculinity that inform so much of his (and also archie's) character. but i do think you can absolutely read the mystery illness as psychosomatic, or as more of a spiritual malady than a physical one.

there's a very long history of evil being a physically corrupting force in fiction, of villains who are ugly or deformed or ill as a reflection of their moral character (see charles' illness in s6, a plot line that i... don't love), and i kind of love the mystery disease as a sort of subversion of that. ill not from moral failing, but from denying himself violence, from resisting his own nature. and cured by homoerotically beating up guys in dark alleys. which could mean nothing.

[taishaunas]

RIVERDALE (2017-2023) 7.20 "Goodbye, Riverdale"

[bleachersgirl]

the absence of jarchie is merely the shadow of jarchie’s presence

[strideofpride]

an incomplete list of riverdale's deconstruction of americana:

jason blossom the original perfect all american boy disappearing 4th of july weekend

archie the second perfect all american boy getting arrested at his inauguration during the national anthem

the idyllic town of riverdale being born out of a genocide

archie getting redpilled into becoming a vigilante and running his own militia

hiram literally turning a school in a low income area into a prison

the classic diner having an illegal speakeasy under it

chad michael murray in that evil knievel suit and the rocketship only to get shot unceremoniously in the head

jughead going to school with the literary brat pack and them trying to murder him in order to achieve the fame and success they crave

the clean cut fbi agent turning out to be a serial killer engaged to another serial killer

archie’s uncle becoming a mercenary for hire after the army and archie’s c.o. trying to use heroism to do a military cover up

the nearest highway is a hellish, literally named lonely road that brings pain to everyone who travels it

the local cryptid/alien abduction stories being a cover for a murderous inbred family

hiram being the personification of capitalism and destroying the town and alienating everyone from each other in order to attempt to absorb more and more resources

hiram’s dogged pursuit of the american dream leading to his downfall and destruction

the perfect all american boy isn't even american like!!!!!

[uglygirlstatus]

if Riverdale keeps up with making every single character gay then we really are gonna have to start calling him Human Kevin