#wasnt sure if i was hallucinating it is all silhouettes..

[badnewswhatsleft]

(x) joe really sweetly waving at fans just before fake out.. and then when he turns to patrick patrick does a little wave at him as well and joe does a little wave back ?? yes that is my viscera that has exploded all across the walls

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ooh one fun fact i forget about sometimes is in early childhood i used to have semi-voluntary Nocturnal Yet Totally Awake hallucinations i mean, hallucinations are a fairly common occurrence for literally everyone, and apparently it might be common in young children, nobody's sure cuz nobody's exactly asking. but kid's brains are doing their own thing. but anyhow, i had shadow people, which is apparently also fairly common. but luckily not the sleep paralysis kind, ive never had that problem, which is lucky, because i am a weenie and dont imagine i'd do well with that. not that anyone enjoys hostile hallucinations but anyhow! i distinctly remember one time when i was younger than four because we hadnt moved into our second house, which is the only specific memory i have of having shadow people when it wasnt dark. there was already sunlight and the room was a little dim because the blinds were closed but it wasnt really dark. and i had a parade going around the strip of paper that went around the center of my walls, i distinctly remember an elephant and the figures having very defined shapes and smooth movement and being able to look directly at them. though this memory is so old those details easily couldve been exaggerated but all other times i remember it in our second house and when the room was either lit only by a dim nightlight or by nothing—to an extent it feels like i made them out of the shadows/darkness that already existed, kinda like pareidolia. in any case, i never saw any in broad daylight, or daytime at all. and i think usually i would start seeing them when i started imagining i could, and kind of start pulling them together, but i would still be able to see them externally. i think they were almost always people, just silhouettes. and generally i would even give a kind of narrative to it, like imagining the first one looking in the door or being in the corner by the doorway, as if me revving them up into existence was equivalent to waiting by the literal doorway to come in that easily sounds sinister but i didnt think of them that way, to me it was something fun to do when i was little enough to take a while to go to sleep. i dont think i was creative enough to think of really scary things at that point. so, lucky for me, i personified them as kind of timid but playful and friendly. just as i could kind of summon them in the first place i could also generally decide what they were doing, and the movement was usually repetitive, like a gif, and slow, and sometimes a little slomo frame-by-frame than smooth. though as i got going i could pick up multiple figures and have the movement be a bit smoother and more complex and kind of find new people just by looking at a new spot and seeing one rather than trying to concentrate and pull one together a lot of the times i think i'd have them playing basketball or really just kind of hanging out, doing nothing. the edges werent always very distinct but the form could be made out and i could look directly at them most of the time, or close. i had a bunkbed so sometimes my sister stayed in my room and at some point we would both talk about seeing the figures, obviously i dunno if she was just playing along with 100% internal imagery or if it was at all external for her too, but it was still purely fun for both of us and we would have a guy slam dunking in the corner or whatever it varied a bit when i got it going whether i would be deciding what each figure was doing or if it felt like i was "finding out" when i looked over to see, generally in the latter case it was like they had some idle animation. but i could seize control if i wanted to, which was useful later when it started to occur to me that it might be creepy if one of them did something threatening or unusual, like approach me. the figures had no depth but they grew in size as they got closer, and though they were mostly like projections on the wall, i did imagine it would be creepy if i thought of one say crawling over or suddenly looming large in my field of vision. and because i was projecting my own imaginations instructions, even thinking "it sure would be unfortunate if this guy im looking at started doing something eerie instead of jumping rope or eating broccoli" would interrupt the broccoli rope jumping and run a risk of starting to change towards whatever i was trying not to think about. but i could focus the figures into doing whatever so it never got too alarming. but as i was getting older and my capacity for Wouldnt It Be Scary If became a lot larger and darker and more important, that concern of "i hope these people dont become scary or threatening" became more common which meant i had to spend more time reining in any stragglers who looked like they shouldnt be left to their own devices too long and it became less fun in general. they'd still kind of occur semi-automatically out of habit, but it died down as i lost interest, and i cant tell how much just losing the ability in general was a factor either nowadays i suppose if i looked at a dark room i could maybe imagine a darker silhouette if i really really tried to trick myself into it, but i imagine it would be static, and it would be more difficult with a spot i was looking at directly, and also i wouldnt want to do it because that would just be horror movie fodder to me now. also, i do get peripheral visual shadow hallucinations when im sleep deprived, say approaching 40 hrs since i last slept. those are very peripheral, very fleeting, and a bit startling but so temporary theres not even a chance to be scared. on avg i just have occasional audio hallucinations, and nothing at all comparable to ones i can "turn on" and alter and focus on so thats a shoutout to my bball playing buds. thanks for being friendly, my own hallucinations